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mermaidsirennikita · 6 months ago

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ARC REVIEW: Everyone I Kissed Since You Got Famous by Mae Marvel

3.75/5. Releases 6/11/24.

Vibes: second chance (or first chance after you never took the second), figuring out what love actually is, the cult of celebrity

Heat Index: 6.5/10

Wil Greene and Katie Price grew up together--their moms were best friends, after all. Then, in their senior year of high school, they became best friends... and almost more. But Katie went off and become a super successful, internationally famous actress; and more recently, Wil has become known for a viral TikTok account where she kisses new people every week and posts the videos. Katie's seen plenty of them. And now that she's back in Wisconsin for a month, she may be ready to finish what she and Wil almost started all those years ago.

This is an overall lovely (though imperfect) heartfelt, funny, and sexy romance that sort of mashes second chance with friends to lovers, though like--were they ever friends? Or were they finally allowing themselves to be close to each other despite the burgeoning tension? It's hard to say.

Don't worry about the celebrity angle--it's not that sexuality doesn't matter here, but you don't have a lot of "but what will the public think?" angst. Not that that's inherently wrong for queer celebrity romances. But this book is focused on something else, and though I think it sometimes got wrapped up in the characters' heads, it still leaves me wanting to read more from the Mae Marvel team (yes, that's a pen name for two writers!).

Quick Takes:

--Okay, so I want to get something out of the way here, as the back copy mentions 'Tis the Damn Season: how Taylor Swiftian is this? I would say, overall... enough to where, even if you notice a thing here or there, you can overall ignore it. The biggest thing for me was Katie's cats, which she's quite well known for having. And really? That probably wouldn't have come off as Swiftian to me if not for the TtDS comp. So... while I get it, I do wonder if that comp will turn some people off. I hope it doesn't.

--There's actually a really interesting connection between Wil's TikTok videos and Katie. Like, I was initially hesitant about the TikTok aspect, but the way it loops back to this connection between the two of them (beyond Katie being turned on by them... which she is) is clever. I appreciate that degree of thought going into it, the subtle character work.

--What's not subtle is the way that Wil and Katie talk to each other! I was of two minds on this. On the one hand, I kind of like that right out the gate these two are upfront about being into each other. It dodges a lot of the issues I find with friends to lovers stories, because again... are they friends? When they admit that they at minimum want to fuck from the beginning?

On the other, I did feel like these two communicated a little too well. I've seen a lot of reviews celebrating this, and I get it! But there's good communication that feels real, and good communication that's a little too good to be true. This was the latter, though it isn't too big of an issue. It's just that--at some point, I was like "okay we know where we stand, let's get this tied up". It's not because I wanted the story to end... But a huge part of any potential central conflict never happened, because Wil and Katie were on the same wavelength from the jump. Again, for a lot of people that's going to be great. For me, it did slow the book down a bit.

--In the same sense, these two just like each other so much. They're so besotted. And you get that over and over in the narrative. How amazing Wil thinks Katie is, how remarkable Katie thinks Wil is. And I would say that most of the time, that's really cute and genuine and sweet and soft. But it did go a little overboard.

--There's a really compelling backstory on both sides, and both are so real (in often sad ways). And in general, this was something I liked about these characters. Even when the sequence of events isn't that realistic--Katie has done a LOT in her young years, even by super famous actress standards--the leads still feel real. It adds to their love story and the intimacy between them.

The Sex:

The sex in this novel isn't that explicit, though I appreciate the diversity of sex acts and the way in which it was all seen as sex. You get about four-ish scenes. But beyond that, there is SO much sexual tension in this book, and it's hot. I mean, a lot of this novel is about kissing, and the moments before kissing, and knowing you want to kiss someone... It's delicious.

Was this a flawless book? No. I think there are still some things that need to be smoothed out, more of an emphasis put on the things that really leans into the raw and honest moments Marvel writes. But it's a fun read, and if you want to read about two ultimately good women falling in love--this is it.

Thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #books #romance novels #book reviews

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the-firebird69 · 5 months ago

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Prayers for cash 🙏🏼 #honorwalk #hospital #death #iloveyou #hero #imissyo...

youtube

I woke up in the fool was over me saying I had died and they didn't take my organs I said I'm not really dead and he says that's really not your decision and it was Trump and I said you're out of here you pig and I didn't say it out loud but he left and I got out. Now this guy is going to die I can hear what he's doing and see it and he's a loser and he's not leaving right now but he's going to be he's hurt too many people recently and done this stupid videos and he says this guy is going to get you all in trouble and you have to arrest him and I heard that he got arrested and I see what's going on they're standing in the hallway and it looks horrible and you go down the end of it and then they say that's good no they're all complicitous they're the idiots from New Hampshire and I was stopping the guy so here we go this is a fight right now

Terry c

What's your f*** off Sarah you're a moron you ruined your lives because you fell and you tried that stupid s*** and you're going to die if I was a judge I would sentence you to death but I don't really get the chance to do that I just have to sit here and endure the most terrific s*** for years and people just watched you while they had to get rid of this huge army and killed all of your children and all of your clones because you want to be a stupid f****** retard and try and kidnap me can you figure it out yet you dumb f****** dumb f*** f****** dumb f*** you're so stupid it's very simple don't try and kidnap me there's too many people on earth who don't want it to happen and Tommy f is going to be right behind you why don't you go f*** around with him you stupid twit

Zues

I second the motion and man you people are dumb you can't figure out what's happening at all you're all dying your whole f****** group and nobody cares for Terry cheesman either even though he's looked like he was helping and the idiots started fighting and it's kind of fake

Hera

I guess we got hurt and we're stupid we got hurt before that incident in New Hampshire and I'll tell you what we're trying to kidnap him not that hard but this idiot Trump will not let it go he's a freaking moron that's what people are saying but hell I guess I won't let go either

Sarah

because they don't and they learn from it they don't go on and on and on and grind down your whole realm. You see all this dumb s*** and people come back and blow your brains out for it Sarah but boy did you f****** it's not about that book it's about you people being stupid and it was really garage has a helping me Gerard was trying to kid at me in your house and you weren't even there and now he's playing with you and you sucked you into it who the f*** are you people about weeklings who follow this God damn stupid s*** is it cult of s*** head you going to take me in there and get my people will force themselves in and I'll go out and kill every single one of you and that's what it was it was the max setting you up and you're a freaking fool you just keep doing it and do it and do it and you're going to die and I hate you anyways Joe Watts you f****** queer

Zues

Hera

It's really good something they wanted me to do it in order to go after me and I keep doing it and it's pretty awful and I guess this is it says goodbye get out and go away that's what you should respond to instead you're going to die Trump, and yeah you say that I was just blows it's in the job for a while and I couldn't do it I tried to grab him in Maine it didn't work and I guess I made a big deal out of it for years and the mental hospital stuff started in 93 because of it and I gave him a lot of s*** all over the place and Brad knows about it now well at least you'll know why it started it all off and it didn't say it he says no I did not

THEY WANTED HIS PEOPLE TO FIGHT MY PEOPLE TO KIDNAP HIS PEOPLE AND NOT THE CLAN AND THE CLAN WAS NOT 100% ON IT IT WAS TAKING HIM A WHILE AND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT AND THEY WOULD HAVE BUSTED HIM OUT

I feel better because that is what it's about and I'm not Andy in the movie Shawshank redemption now that is me but it may have happened a lot of the movies that we said didn't happen have happened but really it looks like a bunch of movies before this one in New Hampshire but he says is it's probably a good two months but then I expire

Trump

It sure is he does go through a few things before he leaves but really this is dragging on it's terrible and people are fighting their people at the stashes and Cassius he put people in leaders there to protect the places

Savage oppress

THE LAST PARAGRAPH BY ME IS VERY IMPORTANT AND IN MY WIFE SAVAGE OPRESS

Olympus

Wow this is going to rule I can't believe this guy's still around he's such an a******

#Youtube

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princesscolumbia · 1 year ago

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*clears throat*

Well, my friend, my Tumblr moot, my fellow traveller, let me exposit in a slightly spoilery way what GtN is about from the lense of "abuse, the abuser, and the survivor of abuse." I may get a little weird, but The Locked Tomb is an obscenely complicated series and GtN is only a small slice of the lore pie and so it's hard to ONLY talk about that one book.

I am also, it turns out, just as much of a Gidion-kin as I'm an Adora-kin. I relate to her so very much that some of my own experiences have more or less transposed onto my mental map of the character. (Where Adora is Lawful Stupid, Gideon is Chaotic Stupid, and I'm just waiting for a Neutral Stupid butch lesbian himbo to step up in modern queer media to complete the triad.)

Remember, I did warn you about spoilers. Here there be dragons:

Gideon - G-money is a super-fit little troublemaker whose worst crime was being born. Quite literally, she becomes indentured to a cult because she happened to come out of the incubator on their property. Someone (probably Harrow's parents, and weren't THEY horrible pieces of work, more on them momentarily) decided that just because they didn't let an infant die that somehow she owed them. Gideon became the Designated Victim of the entire damn cult. If ever there was anything to pin culpability on anyone (and even a few things that couldn't be blamed on a single soul) it was time to Blame Gideon. It's no surprise that Gideon grew up knowing nothing but being abused in that environment, like happens so often in the case of the Designated Victim, she internalized the abuse. She was not now and would never be worthy of anyone's time, love, or attention. Acts of Service became her entire way of showing care and support to anyone because she feels she must earn the right to even be in the same room as anyone else, let alone someone she actually cares about. Part of why she connects so well with Magnus and Abigail is because they're so much like the ideal of what she thinks her parents were supposed to be, but she distances herself from them until too late because she doesn't feel she could ever earn what they give so freely. Gideon got severely messed up, let's take a look at her mother figures for a hot second:

Wake - Genocidal terrorist ready to kill her own baby to have even a chance to kill God. So full of hate that even as a ghost she can only scream the name of the man who tried to win her love in anger.

Pelleamena (Harrow's mother) - Only ever viewed Gideon with loathing, then fear when the child refused to die. The matriarch of a death cult she didn't start and so didn't understand its fundamental nature or teachings, she only ever saw in Gideon the literal apocalypse but had no idea what that meant, and since this was the matriarch, everyone followed her example

Aiglamene - Disabled war vet without the foggiest clue how to be a role model, much less a parental figure. She may like Gideon but she raises a girl who just wanted a mommy like a drill sergeant trains a soldier in boot camp

Gideon coming out with anything even remotely related to empathy for her fellow humans and a sense of compassion for others is a fucking miracle.

Consider also that for her entire life up until Canaan House, she had only ever seen one other human being younger than her, and the only other "kid" most of her life was a boy several years older than her. She had no peers, and not in a good way. Everything she ever learned, everything she ever knew, was through the lens of what her abusers wanted her to know, and that includes her co-victim in abuse, Harrow.

Harrowhark - So let's say your parents are cult leaders and they manage to convince their entire flock to kill every last one of their kids on the day they were going to do the nasty because that was the only way they could guarantee the cult leaders would be able to have a child.

This is what Harrow was told as a bedtime story from when she was old enough to understand words.

Imagine how very fucked up this makes a kid; you're told that you are expected to be the absolute very best of all the everything because if you aren't, then those 200+ children all died for nothing.

This is, again, something that Harrow had driven into her since she could remember anything. And then little Harrow turns out to be the genius everyone thought she'd be, the perfect scion of the cult, and now she's got expectations. Oh, and she's neurodivergent. In a cult. If someone can convince you that Harrow wasn't going to snap, I have a few financial opportunities I'd like to discuss with you regarding bridges.

And these two grow up together. They're best friends and arch enemies and everything in between to each other. They would never be as close as siblings, they know each other too well.

And then, and then, A̵ͥ̏͑ͤ͏̧͖͠Ṅ̛̩̓ͥ͑̕͝͠D̸̯̎̎͂͘͡͞ ̀͝҉̫͢͡Ț̷̡̢͛ͨ͞Ḩ̷͚̅͜͡E̓̓̇̔͏̷̨͉͠N̴̶͔ͬ̕̕...Harrow's parents commit the ultimate, final acts of abuse they could do to both Gideon and Harrow and commit suicide, explicitly telling Harrow that it's her and Gideon's fault. Harrow is there in the room with them as they hang themselves and they've got a noose all ready for her, too.

And then, and then, poor, sweet Golden Retriever Gideon stumbles onto the scene as Harrow is still reeling from watching her parents die.

These two were never, ever, ever going to NOT be completely fucked up.

And then they get a mission from God.

Quite literally. You know that cult that Harrow's parents run but didn't found? Yeah, the guy who did (at least indirectly) Calls Them On A Mission. (Who had "Mormonism Reference" on their bingo card?)

Wanna know what that mission is? They have to do a series of tests, trials to get the knowledge of how to become a lyctor. Gideon must become Harrow's Cavalier, the guardian to a necromancer. They have to become so intimate, so familiar with each other that they have no choice but to spill their deepest, darkest thoughts to each other. Everything they were keeping to themselves because they only ever saw the other as their own personal tormentor had to be divulged, every bit of guilt, every hidden fear, every masked pain had to be confessed to each other. And they have to do this in the middle of a murder investigation.

And once they become so intimate they can practically reach each other's thoughts, Gideon is supposed to die so Harrow can eat her soul.

And this was their official, God-sent mission. (And "God" makes no bones...heh, about it in Harrow the Ninth, he intended for the cavaliers to die and for the necromancers to commit the unpardonable sin of consuming the cavalier's souls.)

As you'll get into the series and the fandom, you're going to encounter people who tell you that Harrow was a horrible abuser to Gideon, that she should be pretty much begging for even a sliver of Gideon's time and go off and die in one of the lyctor trials so Gideon can be rescued by the cohort or something. This sentiment completely misses the foundational fact that Harrow was just as much an abuse survivor as Gideon.

You wanna know who is abusive?

Let's do another list:

God - John Gaius, a.k.a. - The God Emperor of Mankind. The list of his dirty laundry is so long it can't be easily synopsized, but for the sake of this post I'll limit it to just what he does as one of his first acts after finding out he's Gideon's father is to kill a woman in front of her and confess in front of everyone that he lied about the Lyctor process. Murderer, manipulator, mansplainer, and this is Gideon's dear ol' dad.

Ianthe - Saw the meme of "girlboss, gatekeep, gaslight" and took it as a checklist of life aspirations. Wants power and isn't above killing damn near anyone to get it.

Crux - "Hey, it's an innocent baby who never did anything wrong...Imma kill it's spirit and beat it physically for the lulz!"

So I might be wrong, never having finished it, but every time I see certain quotes from Gideon the Ninth it sounds an awful lot to me like the plot is "I abused you and I just realized that's super wrong and I'm sorry" and I'm glad someone wrote that and absolutely want it to exist because it needs to

but my brain keeps going "if you really are sorry, you'll leave and never demand any attention from the person you hurt and that'll be how it ends" but... I am pretty sure That's Not How It Ends.

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writemarcus · 4 years ago

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HITTING NEW HEIGHTS

BY MARCUS SCOTT

ORIGINAL RENT STAR DAPHNE RUBIN-VEGA TAKES YOU INSIDE THE IN THE HEIGHTS FILM

Qué quiere decir sueñito?” The disembodied voice of a girlchild ponders. “It means ‘little dream,’” responds an unseen authoritative figure, his feathery tenor with a soft rasp and tender lilt implying there’s more to the story.

Teal waves crash against the white sand coastal lines of the Dominican Republic and a quartet of children plead with the voice to illuminate and tell a story. Usnavi de la Vega (played by Anthony Ramos), sporting his signature newsboy flat cap and full goatee, begins to narrate and weave a tall-tale from the comforts of his beachside food cart: “This is the story of a block that was disappearing. Once upon a time in a faraway land called Nueva York, en barrio called Washington Heights. Say it, so it doesn’t disappear,” he decrees.

And we’re off, this distant magic kingdom ensnared within the winding urban sprawl of farthest-uptown Manhattan, the music of the neighborhood chiming with infinite possibilities: a door-latch fastening on tempo, a ring of keys sprinkling a sweet embellishment, the splish-splash of a garden hose licking the city streets like a drumstick to a snare fill, a manhole cover rotating like vinyl on a get-down turntable, the hiss of paint cans spraying graffiti like venoms from cobras and roll-up steel doors rumbling, not unlike the ultra-fast subway cars zigzagging underground. So begins the opening moments of In the Heights, the Warner Bros. stage-to-screen adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical by composer-lyricist Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) and librettist Quiara Alegría Hudes (Water by the Spoonful) that is set to premiere in movie theatres and on HBO Max on June 11, 2021.

This stunning patchwork of visuals and reverberations combine to create a defiant and instantly memorable collage of inner-city living not seen since Walter Hill’s 1979 cult classic The Warriors or West Side Story, the iconic romantic musical tragedy directed on film by Robert Wise and original Broadway director Jerome Robbins. With Jon M. Chu at the helm, the musical feature has all the trademarks of the director’s opulent signature style: Striking spectacles full of stark colors, va-va-voom visuals, ooh-la-la hyperkinetic showstopping sequences and out-of-this-world destination locations.

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A Kind of Priestess

Joining the fray of proscenium stage vets in the film is Broadway star Daphne Rubin-Vega, who originated the role of Mimi in the Off-Broadway and Broadway original productions of Rent. She returns to major motion pictures after a decade since her last outing in Nancy Savoca’s Union Square, which premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2011. When we caught up with Rubin-Vega, she was hard at work, in-between rehearsals with her In the Heights co-star Jimmy Smits on Two Sisters and a Piano, the 1999 play by Miami-based playwright Nilo Cruz, a frequent collaborator. Rubin-Vega netted a Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Play for her role as the enraptured Conchita in Cruz’s Anna in the Tropics; that same year Cruz was awarded the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, making him the first Latino playwright to receive the honor. Despite significant global, social and economic disruption, especially within the arts community, Rubin-Vega has been working throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

“People around me have [contracted] COVID… My father-in-law just had it. I’m very fortunate,” Rubin-Vega said. “This collective experience, it’s funny because it’s a year now and things seem better. Last year it was, like, ‘Damn, how inconvenient!’ The one comfort was that, you know, it’s happening to every one of us. That clarity that this is a collective experience is much more humbling and tolerable to me.”

The last time Rubin-Vega graced Washington Heights on screen or stage, she acted in the interest of survival and hunger as a probationer released after a 13-year stint in prison and given a new lease on life as an unlicensed amateur masseuse in the basement of an empanada shop in Empanada Loca, The Spalding Gray-style Grand Guignol horror play by Aaron Mark at the LAByrinth Theater Company in 2015. In In the Heights she plays Daniela, an outrageously vivacious belting beautician with a flair for the dramatics, forced to battle a price-gouging real estate bubble in the wake of gentrification.

“She’s like the deputy or the priestess,” Rubin-Vega said. “Owning a salon means that you have a lot of information; you’re in a hub of community, of information, of sharing… it’s also where you go for physical grooming. It’s a place where women were empowered to create their own work and it is a place of closeness, spiritual advice, not-so-spiritual advice. Physical attention.”

She said, “Daniela also being an elder; I think she’s not so much a person that imposes order on other people. She’s there to bring out the best—she leads with love. She tells it like it is. I don’t think she sugar-coats things. What you see is what you get with Daniela. It’s refreshing; she has a candor and sure-footedness that I admire.”

With the film adaptation, Chu and Hudes promised to expand the universe of the Upper Manhattan-based musical, crafting new dimensions and nuances to two characters in particular: Daniela and hairdresser Carla, originally portrayed as business associates and gossip buddies in the stage musical. On the big screen they are reimagined as romantic life partners. Stephanie Beatriz, known to audiences for her hilarious turn as the mysterious and aloof Detective Rosa Diaz in the police procedural sitcom romp “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” co-stars as the fast-talking firecracker, Carla.

It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.

Where Is Home?

“Well, Quiara and Jon really expanded on what Lin and Quiara originally created and now they’re partners—and not just work partners, right? But they’re life partners,” Beatriz said at a March press event celebrating the release of the film’s two promo trailers. “What was so gratifying to me as a person who is queer is to see this relationship in the film be part of the fabric of the community, and to be normal, and be happy and functioning, and part of the quilt they’ve all created.”

She continued, “So much of this film is about where home is and who home is to you. And for Carla, Daniela is home. Wherever Daniela is, that’s where Carla feels at home. I thought that they did such a beautiful job of guiding us to this, really, you know, it’s just a happy functioning relationship that happens to be gay and in the movie. And I love that they did that, because it is such a part of our world.”

Rubin-Vega said she had no interest in playing any trope of what one might think a lesbian Latina might look or act like, noting that the queer experience isn’t monolithic, while expressing that the role offered her a newfound freedom, especially with regard to being present in the role and in her everyday life.

“Spoiler alert! I felt like not wearing a bra was going to free me. Did I get it right? Am I saying that gay women don’t wear bras? No, it was just a way for me to be in my body and feel my breasts. To feel my femaleness and celebrate it in a more unapologetic way,” she said, laughing. “To be honest, I was really looking forward to playing a lesbian Latina. It’s something that I hadn’t really explored before. Latinos [can be] very homophobic as a culture, and I wanted to play someone who didn’t care about homophobia; I was gonna live my best life. That’s a bigger thing. It’s also like, maybe I’m bisexual. Who knows? Who cares? If you see that in the film, that’s cool too, you know?”

Stand-out performances abound, especially with regard to the supporting cast; newcomers Melissa Barrera (in a role originated by Tony Award winner Karen Olivo) and Gregory Diaz IV (replacing three-time Tony Award nominee Robin de Jesús) are noteworthy as the aspiring fashion designer Vanessa and budding activist Sonny. Olga Merediz, who earned a Tony Award nomination for originating her role as Abuela Claudia, returns to the silver screen in a captivating performance that will be a contender come award season. However, Rubin-Vega may just be the one to watch. Her performance is incandescent and full of moxie, designed to raise endorphin levels. She leads an ensemble in the rousing “Carnaval del Barrio,” a highlight in the film.

Musical Bootcamp

“We shot in June [2019]. In April, we started musical bootcamp. In May, we started to do the choreography. My big joke was that I would have to get a knee replacement in December; that was in direct relation to all that choreography. I mean, there were hundreds of A-1 dancers in the posse,” Rubin-Vega said. “The family consisted of hundreds of superlative dancers led by Chris[topher] Scott, with an amazing team of dancers like Ebony Williams, Emilio Dosal, Dana Wilson, Eddie Torres Jr. and Princess Serrano. We rehearsed a fair bit. Monday through Friday for maybe five weeks. The first day of rehearsal I met Melissa [Barrera] and Corey [Hawkins], I pretty much hadn’t known everyone yet. I hadn’t met Leslie [Grace] yet. Chris Scott, the choreographer, just went straight into ‘let’s see what you can do.’ It was the first [dance] routine of ‘In The Heights,’ the opening number. He was like, ‘OK, let’s go. Five, six, seven, eight!’”

Rubin-Vega said that she tried to bring her best game, though it had “been a minute” since she had to execute such intricate choreography, noting that they shot the opening number within a day while praising Chu’s work ethic and leadership.

“There was a balance between focus and fun and that’s rare. Everyone was there because they wanted to be there,” she said. “I think back to the day we shot ‘96,000.’ That day it wouldn’t stop raining; [it was] grey and then the sky would clear and we’d get into places and then it would be grey again and so we’d have to wait and just have to endure. But even the bad parts were kind of good, too. Even the hottest days. There were gunshots, there was a fire while we were shooting and we had to shut down, there was traffic and noise and yet every time I looked around me or went into video village and saw the faces in there, I mean…it felt like the only place to be. You want to feel like that in every place you are: The recognition. I could recognize people who look like me. For now on, you cannot say I’ve never seen a Panamanian on film before or a Columbian or a Mexican, you know?”

Another Notion of Beauty

Rubin-Vega’s professional relationship with the playwright Hudes extends to 2015, when she was tapped to [participate in the] workshop [production of] Daphne’s Dive. Under the direction of Thomas Kail (Hamilton) and starring alongside Samira Wiley (“The Handmaid’s Tale,” “Orange Is the New Black”), the play premiered Off-Broadway at the Pershing Square Signature Center the following year. Rubin-Vega also starred in Miss You Like Hell, the cross-country road musical by Hudes and Erin McKeown, which premiered at La Jolla Playhouse in 2016 before it transferred to The Public Theater in 2018. With her participation in the production of In the Heights, she is among the few to have collaborated with all of the living Latinx playwrights to have won the Pulitzer Prize; Hudes won the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for her play Water by the Spoonful, while Miranda took home the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Hamilton. Speaking on her multiple collaborations over the years, Rubin-Vega also acknowledged having known Miranda years before they would join voices.

“Lin to me is like a little bro or legacy; he’s a direct descent to me from [Rent author] Jonathan Larson, which is a bigger sort of all-encompassing arch,” she said, though she stressed that she auditioned like everyone else, landing the role after two or three callbacks. “Quiara and I have a wonderful working and personal relationship, I think. Which isn’t to say I had dibs by any means because…it’s a business that wants the best for itself, I suppose. […] So, when I walked in, I was determined to really give it my best.”

Life During and After Rent

Rubin-Vega has built an impressive resume over the course of her career, singing along with the likes of rock stars like David Bowie and starring in a multitude of divergent roles on Broadway and off. From a harrowing Fantine in Les Misérables and a co-dependent Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire to a sinister Magenta in The Rocky Horror Show, her evolution into the atypical character actor and leading lady can be traced back 25 years to January 25, 1996, when Larson’s groundbreaking musical Rent, a retelling of Giacomo Puccini’s 19th-century opera La Bohème, premiered at the New York Theatre Workshop. On the morning of the first preview, Larson suffered an aortic dissection, likely from undiagnosed Marfan’s syndrome and died at the age of 35, just ten days shy of what would have been his 36th birthday.

On April 29, 1996, due to overwhelming popularity, Rent transferred to Nederlander Theatre on Broadway, tackling contemporary topics the Great White Way had rarely seen, such as poverty and class warfare during the AIDS epidemic in New York City’s gritty East Village at the turn of the millennium. Rubin-Vega would go on to be nominated for the Tony Award for Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical for her role as sex kitten Mimi Márquez, an HIV-positive heroin addict and erotic dancer.

The show became a cultural phenomenon, receiving several awards including the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and four Tony Awards, including Best Musical. Rubin-Vega and members of the original Broadway cast were suddenly overnight sensations, recording “Seasons of Love” alongside music icon Stevie Wonder, receiving a photo shoot with Vanity Fair and landing the May 13, 1996 cover of Newsweek. Throughout its 12-year Broadway run, many of the show’s original cast members and subsequent replacements would go on to be stars, including Renée Elise Goldsberry, who followed in Rubin-Vega’s footsteps to play the popular character before originating the role of Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton, for which she won the 2016 Tony Award for Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

When the screen adaptation of Rent hit cinemas in 2005 under the direction of Chris Columbus, Rubin-Vega’s conspicuous absence came as a blow to longtime fans. The confluence of pregnancy with the casting and filming process of Rent hindered her from participating at the time. The role was subsequently given to movie star Rosario Dawson.

“First of all, if you’re meant to be in a film, you’re meant to be in it,” Rubin-Vega said. “That’s just the way it goes. It took a quarter of a century but this [In the Heights] is a film that I wanted to make, that I felt the elements sat right. I always felt that Rent was a little bit darker than all that. Rent to me is Rated R. In The Heights is not. It’s also a testament. Unless it’s sucking your soul and killing you softly or hardly, just stick with it. This is a business and I keep forgetting it’s a business because actors just want to show art. So, it’s really wonderful when you get a chance to say what you mean and mean what you say with your work. It’s a really wonderful gift.”

Rarely-Explored Themes

Like Larson’s award-winning show and the film adapted from it, In The Heights is jam-packed with hard-hitting subject matter, addressing themes of urban blight, immigration, gentrification, cultural identity, assimilation and U.S. political history. When Rubin-Vega’s character Daniela and her partner were priced out of the rent for her salon, most of her clientele moved to the Grand Concourse Historic District in the Bronx. Her salon, a bastion of the community, is met with a polar response when she announces she’s joining the mass exodus with the other victims of gentrification who were pushed out by rising rents. The news is met with negative response from long-time patrons who refuse to take the short commute to the new location. Daniela counters, “Our people survived slave ships, we survived Taino [indigenous Caribbean people] genocide, we survived conquistadores and dictators…you’re telling me we can’t survive the D train to Grand Concourse?”

The question is humorous, but also insinuates a more nuanced understanding of the AfroLatinidad experience in the Western world. The film also looks at the American Dream with a naturalistic approach. Leslie Grace, who plays Nina Rosario, a first-generation college student returning from her freshman year at Stanford University and grappling with finances and the expectations of her community, noted that while her character “finds [herself] at some point at a fork in the road,” she may not have the luxury to be indecisive because of the pressures put on by family, community and country.

“The struggle of the first-generation Americans in the Latino community is not talked about a lot because it’s almost like a privilege,” Grace asserted. “You feel like it’s a privilege to talk about it. But there is a lot of identity crisis that comes with it and I think we explore that.” Speaking on the character, she elaborated: “Home for her is where her heart is, but also where her purpose is. So, she finds her purpose in doing something outside of herself, greater than herself and going back to Stanford for the people she loves in her community. I really relate to where she’s at, trying to find herself. And I think a lot of other people will, too.”

Worth Singing About

For Miranda, a first-generation Puerto Rican New Yorker that grew up in Inwood at the northernmost tip of Manhattan before attending Wesleyan University where he would develop the musical, this speaks to a larger issue of what defines a home.

“What does ‘home’ even mean? Every character is sort of answering it in a different way,” he said. “For some people, home is somewhere else. For some people, home is like ‘the block’ they’re on. So, that’s worth singing about. It’s worth celebrating in a movie of this size.”

Given the current zeitgeist, it’s no wonder why Chu, Hudes and Miranda decided to pivot with adapting the stage musical for the big screen, leaning in to tackle the plights and predicaments of DREAMers [children of undocumented immigrants seeking citizenship] stateside. In one scene, glimpses of posters at a protest rally read “Immigrant Rights are Human Rights” and “Refugees Are People Too.” Growing up in a multicultural household as a Latina with a Black Latina mother, a white father and a Jewish American stepfather, Rubin-Vega said she was used to being in spaces that were truly multiracial. Nevertheless, there were times when she often felt alien, especially as a du jour rock musical ingenue who looked as she did in the mid-1990s through the 2000s.

“Undocumented people come in different shapes and colors,” she noted. “To be born in a land that doesn’t recognize you, it’s a thing that holds so much horror… so much disgrace happens on the planet because human beings aren’t recognized as such sometimes.”

The film “definitely sheds light on that, but it also talks about having your dream taken away and its human violation—it’s a physical, spiritual, social, cultural violation,” Rubin-Vega said. “There’s a difference between pursuing dreams and being aware of reality. They’re not mutually exclusive. What this film does, it presents a story that is fairly grounded in reality. It’s a musical, it’s over the top… but it reflects a bigger reality, which is like an emotional reality…that people that are challenged on the daily, have incredible resolve, incredible resoluteness and lifeforce.”

She said: “Growing up, looking like me, I got to ingest the same information as everyone else except when it came time to implement my contributions, they weren’t as welcomed or as seen. The dream is to be seen and to be recognized. Maybe I could be an astronaut or an ingenue on Broadway? You can’t achieve stuff that you haven’t imagined. When it talks about DREAMers, it talks about that and it talks about how to not be passive in a culture that would have you think you are passive but to be that change and to dare to be that change.”

Dreams Come True

Dreams are coming true. Alongside the nationwide release of the much-anticipated film, Random House announced it will publish In the Heights: Finding Home, which will give a behind-the-scenes look at the beginnings of Miranda’s 2008 breakout Broadway debut and journey to the soon-to-be-released film adaptation. The table book will chronicle the show’s 20-year voyage from page to stage—from Miranda’s first drawings at the age of 19 to lyric annotations by Miranda and essays written by Hudes to never-before-seen photos from productions around the world and the 2021 movie set. It will be released to the public on June 22, eleven days after the release of the film; an audiobook will be simultaneously released by Penguin Random House Audio.

Hinting at the year-long delay due to the pandemic, Rubin-Vega said, “It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.”

Bigger Dreams

“Jon [Chu], I think, dreams bigger than any of us dare to dream in terms of the size and scope of this,” Miranda said. “We spent our summer [in 2018] on 175th Street. You know, he was committed to the authenticity of being in that neighborhood we [all] grew up in, that we love, but then also when it comes to production numbers, dreaming so big. I mean, this is a big movie musical!”

Miranda continued, “We’re so used to asking for less, just to ask to occupy space, you know? As Latinos, we’re, like, ‘Please just let us make our little movie.’ And Jon, every step of the way, said, like, ‘No, these guys have big dreams. We’re allowed to go that big!’ So, I’m just thrilled with what he did ’cause I think it’s bigger than any of us ever dreamed.”

Speaking at the online press conference, Miranda said, “I’m talking to you from Washington Heights right now! I love it here. The whole [movie] is a love letter to this neighborhood. I think it’s such an incredible neighborhood. It’s the first chapter in so many stories. It’s a Latinx neighborhood [today]. It was a Dominican neighborhood when I was growing up there in the ’80s. But before that it was an Irish neighborhood and Italian. It’s always the first chapter in so many American stories.”

#Marcus Scott #MarcusScott #Write Marcus #writemarcus #Encore Monthly #theatre #Theater #Musical Theatre #musical theater #daphne rubin vega #rent #rent musical #Jon M Chu #lin manuel miranda #in the heights #Anthony Ramos

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thecelestial-art · 4 years ago

Photo

ok but like, here me out,,,,, avatar high school au but its just me projecting my personality and trauma

my instagram

Aang

Freshman

He's trying his gosh darn hardest

The group baby

Appa is a therapy dog so he spends the day with gyatso in his classroom :)

Hes a saint bernard

The best man

Despite katara being the ‘mom friend’ he runs the god damn show

Momo is a shit head sphinx cat

The gang dropped movie nights for “knitting nights” so they could all learn to knit him sweaters

Hes very fashionable

he hates it

sokkas best friend

Aang makes costumes so when halloween comes around momo is very scary as dorothy

Track and field babey

Does not curse

He has a hard time keeping up with world events

Straight (i'm not wrong)

he and toph have an ongoing tradition of going in full dress to waffle house before school dances.

it got to the point where now all the workers know them by name

they also accidentally crashed a white lotus meeting and just kept going

Azula

Band kid

Sophomore

Rich girl with 2 friends

Pre eng

i know most schools dont have this program, but mine did and holy shit. those were some overachievers

The most annoying mf on the planet

Not a single teacher likes her

The know it all that will fight if you don't agree with the facts

She was the ww2 kid

Capitalist in the worst fucking way

Closeted lesbian, when she figures that shit out she gets a lil better

The one who can drive

Mai

Bisexual

She's really good at math?? Like shes the gay who can do math

But cannot drive, bitch failed her permit more times than she can count

She nearly went to an all girls boarding school at one point

Sophomore

Colorguard!!

She has beat the shit out of people she's walked in on making out in the bathroom

Genuine friends with the faculty??

She takes programming/coding as a filler class but she's pretty good and continues to pursue it.

Her tumblr looks sick as hell

has caused a teacher to cry

Ty lee

Bisexual

Lesbian earings actin mf

Sophomore

Cheerleader

She is the nicest mother fucker and everyone loves her

Despite acting like an airhead she's really science orientated

When she takes biology she passes with flying colors

Very invested in social justice

She would never hurt a fly but she will fuck you up

The one with a healthy relationship with her father

has comforted a teacher she found crying in the parking lot

Iroh

Now runs the jasmine dragon where zuko works after school w/ katara

Knows every single kid who comes in and tries his hardest to make sure everyone feels appreciated

Former war criminal

In a book club

The white lotus? Yeah this is the white lotus

Idk if it would be the same as the show, or if its just an old person shit talking group

Zuko

Junior

His dad got full custody of him and his sister when he divorced their mom

But at 13 he got kicked out for another bullshit reason and ever since Iroh has had custody of both of the siblings

But bitch boy ozai has visitation rights but only wants to see azula

Theatre kid!!

I mean he was gonna join jrotc to appease his dad but he figured his shit out before he really joined

A republican turned leftist

Hes queer he just doesnt know which label to use

Himbo rights

He and katara are best friends idgaf about ships but they are bros

orchestra kid! (yes this is me self projecting bc we have similar trauma)

Violist

Teachers have no idea what to do with him bc on one hand he's very reclusive and on the other his sister has the worst opinions so they don't know

Katara

Sophomore

Still the mom friend but this time she goes to therapy

Bc she literally raised her brother after her mother died?? And then became a parental figure to her FRIENDS???

Biggest political activist, genuinely does her best at educating herself and others about civil injustices

Also really obsessed with cults and true crime

Choir kid

She takes AP history, english, and second language classes

Is trying her hardest in math and sciences

Huge stuffed animal collection

Student council vice president

she originally ran for president but jets gang voted him in as a joke

The teachers pet

Swim team bitches

Best friends with the school janitors

This is my au so fuck off she and zuko are chaotic friendgroup parents and annoying best friends i love them

and maybe something more???

who fucking knows theres a betting pool in the white lotus and so far aang is winning

Sokka

Junior

Bisexual

Gym and History teachers LOVE him

On the swim team and the fishing team

Started crying when he took his drivers test

Goes to gsa w/ toph and loses his fucking mind

He's the reason suki’s car is disgusting

In all advanced/ap classes in math and science

Was the kid who carries a portable speaker around until suki put him in his place

Still has to use his hands to figure out left and right

Yue

Technically she doesn't go to school with them she goes to a nearby private school

She met the gang at a football game and has been invited to every group outing since

Junior!!

Very invested in world politics

When she joins the group at school events she ends up making friends with all the staff

Debate team kid!!!

She's not a rule breaker she just knows their limitations ;)

at one point missed school for like 2 months and everyone thought she died

turns out it was just fucking pneumonia and sokka is one dirty liar

Suki

oh? you mean yue’s best friend bc we dont respect pitting women against each other in this household?

Junior

Bisexual icon!!!

Oh god what sport would she do??

Probably basketball??

Or she would just do martial arts outside of school

And have a ‘female empowerment’ club or somethin

100% believes in self government in society and that the current gov exists purely on the theory that all humans are inherently evil

Bitch for bernie

Her car is DISGUSTING

She asks if she can hit peoples juul and then throws it in the trash

The gym coaches really like her but she fucking hates them

Is very close with her school counselor??

She never wants to run but she keeps getting elected to homecoming court

Toph

Freshman

Former homeschool bitch

Joined the wrestling team and the fishing team??

She doesn't even like fishing she just thinks it's hilarious

Very good a pottery and that's her arts credit

She and iroh have lunch together every thursday

If she catches wind of you putting gum on desks they will find your body in a ditch

She makes sokka and suki take her to prom

She hates it she just likes to fuck with people at prom

Sometimes she just tells people she doesn't believe in something bc she cant see it

has been wearing the same sandles for the past 3 years bc “they’re reliable”

Cryptid hunter

Goes to gsa bc its better than any fucking reality tv show

Has nearly burnt the house down making ramen

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ms-katonic-of-tamriel · 4 years ago

Text

Saw a fic tagged Lady Miraak/Lucien Flavius the other day.

Oh my god. That poor man. He’ll be eaten alive.

OTOH Lady Miraak?? Have some courage and make it male Miraak. Miraak’s bi as anything, he’ll take one look at this sheltered young Imperial desperate for knowledge of the Dragon Cult and... think things.

Bonus points for Very Sheltered Lucien at one point going “you know, if I were a girl, I’d be really nervous about now! Because... because you’re a bit terrifying!” (Spoiler alert: Lucien Flavius is really nervous, and Miraak is grinning at him like a born predator.)

Miraak chuckles and tells him to report back for his first lesson the next day then goes off to track down the annoying but definitely Not Straight jester, also from Cyrodiil, because he has to ask, have the norms around same-sex relationships changed that much??

“No, no, only Cicero fears that Mr Flavius is... how can Cicero put this. Sheltered. Naive. Barely twenty years old. The only child of doting parents. Has spent his entire existence in academic libraries. Is likely untouched. It is entirely possible he has managed to go his entire life blissfully unaware a relationship between two men is even possible.”

Miraak finds this hilarious and decides to have fun with that idea, and Dovahzul and history lessons are interwoven with VERY seductive body language, near-unmistakeable innuendo, getting Lucien all hot and bothered while not actually touching him then backing off immediately. Eventually Lucien snaps and talks to Kaidan of all people, because he’s confused as all hell, because it’s weird, it’s wrong, he doesn’t understand it, if Miraak was a woman, he’d know it was flirting but Miraak’s a man, men don’t do that to other men, do they?

Kaidan the other bisexual facepalms, wants to know just how they ever let Lucien out on his own, tells him yes they do in fact do that, just as women often go out with other women, it’s perfectly normal and not remotely rare. And yeah, Miraak’s seducing you. Or trying to. Do you need me to have a word with him, because First Dragonborn or no First Dragonborn, he doesn’t get to hassle you.

“No! No? I need to think about this. A lot. Oh Mara.”

Cicero is the next port of call. Did you know about this, Cicero? Men going out with other men? Cicero stares at Lucien, puts down the anatomical diagram of pain nexuses that he’s been colouring in, looks at him long and hard and then bursts out laughing for a good minute before drying his eyes and nodding. Yes, Flavius. Yes, Cicero knew. Cicero thought everybody knew.

“I didnt know! Oh gods. Miraak’s interested in me. Oh gods. Cicero, what do I do?”

“You are asking me for romantic advice?? Oh by Sithis... I don’t know! Are you interested in him or not?”

“I don’t know! He’s terrifying!”

“Good or bad terrifying?”

“Good... there’s a good terrifying??”

Cicero realises he now has to explain kink as well as queerness and wordlessly gets some books out of his personal collection.

“Some people like having power removed from them and being rendered utterly helpless while a ruthless, ravishing brute does whatever they like with them. Other people like taking helpless yet willing victims and having their way with them. It does not surprise Cicero that Miraak is among them.”

“Which kind is he??”

“He just had five thousand years of Mora rendering him helpless, he’s either VERY keen on it or has had enough. For you, boy? Assume it’s the latter.”

Lucien whimpers. Takes the books. Runs. Liriel gave Miraak’s mask to Dragonborn Gallery without hesitation and he’s been bare-faced ever since, with piercing blue eyes and long blonde hair and a smile that could tempt an Aedra to sin. She let him keep the robes though, having had replicas made for her museum, the originals cleaned and mended, and then returned, and the First Dragonborn had been wearing those whenever Lucien had seen him. Without the mask they were low-cut, to well below his collarbones, and while they weren’t tight-fitting, it was clear Miraak had muscles under there, and Lucien knew first-hand Miraak could fight with blade as well as magic.

Miraak was terrifying. That was a given. But Lucien had to know for sure.

Next lesson, Lucien enters the safehouse, sees Miraak sitting by the fire, and Miraak only has to look to know something is wrong. Different. Lucien is staring at him and not coming any closer, and Miraak realises that after three and a half months, he’s finally fucking realised.

About time. Now, what will the young seeker after knowledge do about it.

Silence and it is Miraak who breaks it.

“Is something wrong, goraan?”

“No - yes - have you been flirting with me??”

Bless him, his young student has finally graduated.

“You have finally noticed! Well done, goraan. Yes, I have been... how does Tamrielic put it. Pushing my luck. Nudging at the boundaries. Wondering which will fall first. Note I have not laid a finger on you. Merely left suggestions in the air. And despite becoming ever more blatant, you still come back for more. Why is that, goraani?”

Oh gods, he’s changed to the possessive tense.

“I’m not your... I’m leaving. Right now! I’m not coming back! I’m not paying for Dovahzul lessons in sex!”

Surprise on Miraak’s face. “It was never the intent you should, goraani. Ah, krosis. I took advantage of your naivety. It was wrong. I apologise. If you wish to stop the lessons, I understand. But if not, I will continue - only I promise to behave this time. You have my word as an Atmoran.”

Atmoran honour and the swearing of a vow were covered early on. Lucien doesn’t entirely trust him, but at length he sits down and the lessons resume. Except they’re different. Miraak is a respectful three feet away at all times. No breathing down the back of his neck without quite touching. No innuendo or purring or that damn smile. Just Miraak being calm and professional and, and... Lucien hates it. Hates every fucking second of it because walls have gone up, part of Miraak that was on display is now shut off, probably forever and Lucien... Lucien misses it. Lucien misses the feeling of feeling scared out of his wits but safe at the same time because Miraak wouldn’t really... Miraak apparently would. If Lucien asked him. Lucien does not know how to ask. Or what to ask for. But Miraak behind him, trailing a finger down the back of his neck, Miraak’s chest on his back and his arms round his waist... With arms like that, Miraak probably gives really good cuddles.

“Goraan. You are clearly not paying attention. If your mind is elsewhere, you are welcome to discontinue until it returns?”

“No!” Lucien gasps. Raised eyebrow from Miraak who wants to know where exactly his thoughts are flying if they are not here, and Lucien can take it no more.

“You. Utter. Bastard!”

Miraak doesn’t even look shocked. “I am, yes. Which of my many sins are you referring to?”

“You can’t just... you can’t just do this to me! You can’t just spend months being all up close and personal and then just... just switch it off like it meant nothing!”

Strange look on Miraak’s face. “Krosis, Lucien. I was under the impression my attentions were unwelcome and you wished me to stop.”

“No! Oh gods. No. You utter, utter bastard, I hate you so much, please don’t stop.”

Silence, Lucien’s face going bright red as he realises what’s just come out of his mouth, and he can barely look at Miraak. Then the chair creaks, Miraak’s footsteps are on the stone floor and then gauntlets are removed, hit the table, and then Miraak’s hands are in his.

“Lokaaliin. Is that your wish? Truly? For me not to?”

Miraak’s voice is gentler than Lucien has ever heard it and he finally looks Miraak in the eye to see the softest smile, one he’d not thought the man capable of, and Miraak’s reaching up to stroke his cheek, cupping his face and Lucien can’t stop himself leaning into his touch.

“I’m scared, Miraak.”

“It is all right to be. I have... not had a lover in a long time. But I have not forgotten how to give pleasure. I will give it to you if you ask.”

“I don’t even know how to - I’ve never had one! Oh gods.”

Miraak just smiles and kisses his hand. “It is all right. I will take care of you. It is your wish to move our lessons to a more intimate footing?”

Lucien nods, because Miraak makes him flushed and breathless and eager for... he doesn't even know what for. Miraak takes him by the hand and leads him to the bedroom upstairs, promising nothing below the waist will happen yet, they can just talk and cuddle, yes?

After all the frantic worrying, for it just to be that is a blessed, blessed relief. Miraak sheds his circlet, outer layers, strips down to his trousers, kicks off his boots and lies down on the bed, arms open for Lucien and Lucien hesitantly takes off his outer coat and his own boots and goes into Miraak’s arms, and from the moment skin touches skin, it is safety, reassurance, a throbbing strength that allays his fears as Miraak pulls him into his arms and holds him tight, and it takes Lucien a moment to realise Miraak is shaking.

“Are you all right?”

“Krosis. Yes. I am well. I just... I have had no one in my arms like this in millennia. Ah, goraani, I’m sorry. Be patient with me.”

Lucien hadn’t expected that. For all he’d seen Miraak as the scary First Dragonborn, he’d not even realised there was still a human being in there with feelings and vulnerabilities. That... was a lot less scary, or rather it was still scary in a different way. Goodness, what if he hurt Miraak? He’d never even thought of it that way round before. Well. He’d just need to be gentle, wouldn’t he. Just as Miraak was presently being with him.

It would be a few weeks more before sex actually started to happen. Rather more before they finally told other people they were seeing each other. Round about the time Liriel takes them both in her party, Lucien’s swarmed by Falmer, and then Miraak promptly immolates them all so fiercely you can’t tell flesh from chitin any more and when all the foes are dead, is frantically checking Lucien over, healing his wounds and then holding him so tightly no one can miss what’s up.

Liriel has strong words for Miraak, but sees Lucien leap to his defence and at length decides, what the hell, anyone to be a reforming influence on Miraak is a good thing, and Miraak does seem to genuinely care. Still, she does promise that if he hurts Lucien, she’s coming after him. Miraak just smiles. He’d expect no less.

Not so very long after that, Lucien moved into the safehouse with Miraak, and then it turned out his father got him a lead to this Dwemer ruin on Solstheim of all places and who better to go and have a look with him than a Solstheimer? That led to a whole series of adventures, including that one time Miraak nearly broke up with him for remantling the Dwemer-Daedra entity that had tried to kill Miraak and possess his corpse... but eventually Miraak forgave him. Even if he decided that if Lucien now had a demon horse, he was getting one, and acquired a Storm Atronach in horse form as his mount. At least it wasn’t tentacled.

#miraak #lucien flavius #skyrim #this is never going on ao3

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kainumbernine009 · 4 years ago

Text

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

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outside-the-mailstrom · 4 years ago

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GENERAL BACKGROUND

I've always been a fan of Marvel comics (or, Marvel Comics' properties, at least) I've fragmentary early memories of Batman The Animated Series, and some associated Batman and Superman comics (aimed at younger readers, in a 'Timmverse' style of the TV shows then airing - gorgeous, simple, iconic Art Deco inspired designs), but for the most part my early conception of superheroes came from what was called "Marvel Hour", a Saturday morning television timeslot ft. back-to-back episodes of cartoons from between the 60s and 90s, starring basically the big names you'd expect. I was quite wee, and don't rightly remember who did and didn't have their own show; obviously the big titles are easy enough for you to guess but I also feel (nebulously) that Iron Man, Hulk, Daredevil, and even the Silver Surfer had their own programs; the line-up jostled, there wasn't an Avengers or Defenders team-up show as there would be these days. There was always Spiderman, of course, and there were generally The X-Men.

X-Men The Animated Series, which was written and produced around the same era as Batman The Animated Series, does not (it has been noted) hold up near so well as its famed compatriot; it has its charms, and is a fascinating window into history, but it's not... strong on revisits. It's a little hard to say how much all this galvanized my interest in the subject matter, and how much it merely looks like it as an artefact of looking back through years of other things layering up (notably the early 00's onward movies, the X-Men Evolution tie-in cartoon [of which I was still, as a viewer, at quite a formative young age], a steadily developing interest in the concept of transition and transformation in all things, and ways that my own self-reinforcing creative projects drew from my standing experience of X-Men as a source material in ways that deepened my interest in, and sympathy for, it as a set of signifiers). Substantial engagement with actual X-Comics, however, comes later; primarily as a fan of the podcast Jay & Miles X-Plane The X-Men (which is pretty much as it sounds; a two-hander deep-dive through X-History & continuity, which settles early in its own run into a charisma and humour driven analytical recap of the major story arcs of the history of the franchise, starting at the Bronze Age [70s onward] and working forward practically issue by issue), aboard which bandwagon I found myself early in its days as a snowballing project (less than a dozen episodes as I recall? Certainly some time before it began to resemble a leading voice in intersectional leftist queer focal fandom, although it was always stridently those things, as well as advocating for a pro-soap opera, pro-minor characters, pro-Cyclops revision to popular understanding of what makes X-Men great).

Of course, if you sit two X-Fans down to talk comics for an hour a week for any length of time, really, under no x-ternal supervision or hard guideline parameters for what subjects are, and are not, on topic (amongst many other things more broad ranging and personal) they're going to get to discussing contemporary releases as well as ancient history. So, at the same time as learning, by glitzy guided tour, the history of The Hellfire Club, how the Phoenix Force actually works, why Scott Summers is autistic and Kitty Pryde is queer, I also got the nod-here-reference-there back ally tour of the contemporary X-Line, as it was shaping up; the early days of the Brian Michael Bendis run, the stuff that came out of Schism and Battle Of The Atom.

Consequently this particular period has always seemed, to me, beguiling.

I spent a period intrigued by it (not least because it’s intriguing, and this is a creative, perhaps even visionary author with strong, distinctive, and original ideas for stories that could be done with this premise and set of characters, and [by the accounts that I was receiving] was executing said ideas, if not flawlessly, at least with panaché). The podcast soon became somewhat of a bonding point between myself and my sister, who (being close in age to me) has always been very immediate in my life, but in such a way as can mean a lot of treading on one another's toes (less risk of that now). Like me she was a long time X-Fan, like me mostly from growing up on related media and finding them abstractly cool (we both had tween crushes on Evolution Nightcrawler - I remember printing out pictures of him from the school library, she now has a tattoo). My sister's completionist tendencies led her to track alongside the podcast, reading originally trade paperbacks and eventually Marvel Unlimited (with a cursory reading of revisionist takes on the Silver Age [60s] - X-Men Season One by Dennis Hopeless and Jamie Mckelvie, then hard-in with the real Bronze Age [70s onward], starting at All New Giant Size X-Men #1, and just working forward). I don't know quite where she's up to now.

I gave this a go, I certainly appreciated things about it, but in general it didn't grab me as my starting point - and while there are many other jumping on points between 1975 and 2013 (already three years in the rear-view by the time I decided to get around to this) the more-or-less present day just seemed the more-or-less obvious point to jump on, so I jumped.

Actually I read the first volume of G. Willow Wilson's Ms. Marvel, up to the 2015/2016 Secret Wars event, then I backed up and read Bendis' entire runs on Uncanny and All New X-Men (which notably, themselves, conclude at the start of Secret Wars), I also read, to my knowledge, all accompanying X-Titles coming out concurrently with the Bendis run, comprising what I'll generally refer to as the wider Bendis Era; Storm by Greg Pak, Cyclops by Greg Rucka, Magneto by Cullen Bunn, X-Force by Si Spurrier (all of which were really quite good, to my mind), and All New X-Factor by Peter David (which wasn't really for me - by which I seem to imply that it's probably for someone... in practice I think perhaps it is simply not really that good). I then read all of the X-Related crossover material that tied in to the aforementioned Secret Wars event (as well as a few non-X-related Secret Wars titles on general recommendation from Jay & Miles' Patreon stretch-goal video reviews of contemporary [primarily X] comic publications). My general process was to read an issue or two at a time then cross-reference with video reviews, as a lot of my engagement with media involves parsing it through the lens of critical voices who represent known quantities relative to my tastes (although it would be erroneous to suggest that by this point I'm not in some way attached to somewhat of a cult of personality around the public personas of the hosts, albeit what seems quite a calm and good natured one).

After finishing the Secret Wars titles I faced a relaunch of the line, and, eager as I was to find out what this experience (and the itemized content within) was like, I'd been a diehard Bendis fan through the process so far and wanted to let my recent reading mellow somewhat; to ruminate, and take a beat to work on other projects - breathe, mourn, let my first formative era of fandom settle before steam-rolling on with a new age.

It’s been… a few years, and while I really do have plenty else I ought be on with I've decided to throw myself back in and read some damn X-Men.

As follows are broadly my thoughts on what I will, somewhat snarkily be calling the 'Ordinary Era' (that is, post Secret Wars, through to the end of Jeff Lemire's Extraordinary X-Men, concluding with the Inhumans vs X-Men event), and beyond.

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animebw · 5 years ago

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Binge-Watching: Flip Flappers, Episodes 3-5

In which the show’s deep lore is split open, metaphors make a perfect substitute for reality, and Cocona’s slow growth into her own skin continues to amaze me.

The Dreamcatchers

And right on schedule, just as I think I’m starting to have Flip Flappers mostly figured out, it plays another card from its stacked hand and throws the whole playing field into chaos. Turns out, FlipFlap isn’t the only mysterious agency going around collecting dream shards (or “animusphores”, though that’s far less snappy) from the illusory world of Gay Metaphors. There’s another team in town, one backed by an organization of KKK-looking motherfuckers, and this team’s leader is Cocona’s own longtime friend Yayaka. And instantly, everything gets a lot more complicated and a lot more sticky. With so much of the show’s lore either hidden or couched in metaphors, and Dr. Salt’s lips sealed tighter than a stubborn giraffe’s, it’s not yet clear what exactly is going on, but none of the potential answers are promising. What, exactly, is the illusory world? What’s the supposed wish-granting artifact they’re scrambling to collect? Does it actually work as advertised, or is this a Fate/Zero booby prize in the making? Do FlipFlap and the other guys want it for the same reasons? The way Yayaka talks to Cocona about it, it’s clear she sees them as fighting for very different ends, but whether that’s an accurate assessment on her part is equally uncertain. And the fact that she describes their goal as “world domination”, as if thinking those words might be enough to put the affair to rest, is evidence that there’s a hell of a lot more going on than we’re able to parse out yet. With few hints to hang off of, the only recourse is to wait and see what all this amounts to in the end. Something tells me it’s gonna be one hell of a situation.

Magic and Mystery

The funny thing is, though, Flip Flappers is doing such a damn good job playing with its various metaphors and symbolism that I almost don’t care if we never get a fully literal explanation as to what’s really going on. Sure, it would certainly be appreciated, but as long as the secrets behind Yayaka’s organization remain as emotionally true as the rest of the show’s been up until this point, that’s what really matters in the end. I find myself making comparisons to Penguindrum a lot; that was another show that traded heavily in metaphor and abstract representations of what was really going on over more literal explanations.M y problem with Penguindrum, though, is that I never really grasped what all that symbolism was supposed to mean emotionally, and as a result I was left frustrated and confused more often than not. When you’re dealing with stories that explicitly take place a little bit removed from the rules of reality, you need to ground your audience in some kind of guiding connection so they can make sense of why all the surreal imagery matters, even if they can’t put it into words. Otherwise, the whole thing becomes an amorphous, unfocused mess that doesn’t communicate anything and only leaves you scratching your head. And it’s a testament to how damn good Flip Flappers has been at making those connections that for as esoteric and weird as it gets, I never feel like it’s racing ahead and leaving me behind.

Once again, I find myself appreciating just how hard Flip Flappers leans into its stagnant conformism/liberating queerness dichotomy from the moment it hits the ground running. By setting the rules so specifically so soon, it gives you an anchor to ground yourself in and make sense of all the bizarre, wondrous sights it’s yet to throw at you. The Mad Max desert world from episode 3 isn’t just an excuse to play around with muscle cars, it’s a testosterone-driven challenge of pure, unadulterated id, where the sand raider’s captain looks like a literal walking bell-end when he bends over, Cocona is momentarily Immortan Joe’d by a Caligula-worthy sex cult preying on her unstable self-perception in the burgeoning of her coming-out phase, and the intense pressure pits her and Papika together as they try to figure out just how the hell they’re going to hold onto each other with seemingly everyone trying to tear them apart. It also walks an uncomfortably fine line in the way it incorporates sexuality; there’s no getting around how assault-y the undertones are when the evil succubus lady tries to snatch Cocona’s power out through her thigh, but the only moment that’s actually sexualized to a significant extent is the transformation sequences when both girls accept their inner selves and turn into full-on magical girls. I can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with all the ways Flip Flapper’s danced on the edges of fanservice, but it’s doing a damn better job of using it purposefully than most shows, and that’s at least worthy of commendation.

But you know what else is worthy of commendation? How fun this show is. Seriously, for all the excellent use of metaphor and symbolism to communicate the emotional truths behind all these crazy ideas, Flip Flappers works as well as it does because it makes all that metaphor and symbolism a goddamn blast to watch. Sure, you could dive headfirst into the symbolism of the haunted endless-time-loop all-girls academy from episode 5 being a condemnation of the Class S genre that sticks queer girls in a perpetual adolescence that limits their self-expression just as much as the world outside the school walls (seriously, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the ghost girls’ uniforms looked so similar to those of the similarly repressed characters of Bloom Into You), but you could also just lean back and marvel at what a spectacularly fucked experience it all is. It’s terrifying and hilarious at the same time, with some of the most nightmare-inducing haunted imagery and sound design and some of the most gut-busting reactions to the same. I swear, Cocona and Papika’s delayed screams of horror in the face of the spirits’ initial glitching-out greetings had me rolling on the goddamn floor; the timing of that pause and their expressions of horror were both flawlessly executed. And once again, I cannot stress enough how wonderful the action in this show is. Every second of sakuga is packed with enough vibrant punch to make the pits of Tartarus itself explode in rainbow glitter, and it all hits so hard and fast, with so much kinetic force and fluid momentum, that it almost leaves you cross-eyes through sheer adrenaline rush. This show packs more imagination and impact over the course of a single action scene than some anime manage in their entire runtimes, and it never ceases to leave me with a big, dumb smile on my face.

And They Were Roommates!

And speaking of big dumb smiles on my face, we certainly can’t forget about the beating heart at the core of this show. Cocona and Papika’s relationship was already beautiful enough, but then episode 3 kicks things up to overdrive with one of the goofiest, sweetest, silliest confessions I’ve heard in a long time. Holy shit, did that really just happen? Did Papika confess her love in the third goddamn episode of the show? Did Cocona seriously accept it with the weary contentment of a long-time partner who’s already accepted her girlfriends’ eccentricities? Did they just enter a stable romantic relationship this doki-doki inducing with ten episodes left to explore and deepen it and gush about every mushy corner of it (”I love, love, love, love, love-” “Shut up.”)? Christ on a cracker, sometimes the world’s a truly remarkable place. I don’t know what delights me more, the fact that we’re actually getting a chance to explore their relationship as a relationship or the fact that it still feels so earnest and open to discovery as when it first began. These two are already fucking delightful together, Papika’s endless enthusiasm seamlessly playing off Cocona’s slowly cracking shell. And Flip Flappers clearly delights in letting them just be together: I can’t believe it actually pulled the roommates card with a straight face. Four episodes in and they’re already at cohabitation? Fucking glorious.

What’s truly exciting about this development, though, is now that Cocona and Papika are essentially together-together, the show’s able to really dig into how this state of affairs is affecting them, how the mere act of living as a single unit has started changing the ways they perceive each other and themselves. Cocona’s still so fragile from coming into her new identity that she was momentarily weaponized against the girl she loves, but she knows being with Papika is genuinely good for her regardless, making her want to brave that danger regardless. There’s a particular line near the beginning of episode 4 that really sticks with me, from Cocona’s art-student senpai: ”Not many days come along that are just right.” That hit closer to home than I was ready for; I can’t even begin to describe the number of days I waffled about whether or not I wanted to get a post out for this blog because I wasn’t feeling at 100%. But whether starting a life with someone or writing about Japanese cartoons on Tumblr, you’re almost never gonna have the perfect opportunity to take the next step forward. So if you want to make it work regardless, you’ve just gotta keep taking those steps, work your way through the imperfections as you go, and reach what genuinely matters by the end.

And over the course of these episodes, we really get a sense of how Cocona’s learning to manage her boundaries and inhibitions as Papika helps her become more and more comfortable in her own skin. She’s adamant about keeping her nude privacy, but she still finds comfort sleeping in the same bed as a nude Papika. She’s still coming to terms with her sexuality, but the more times Papika sucks her finger over the course of the time-looped school, the more comfortable, if also more aroused, she becomes with it. She makes the point that she’s not staying over with Papika for fun- it was a direct order from their superiors- but she doesn’t brace against Papika’s rebuttal that they’re still staying together, so why not make it the best sleepover/camping trip/domestic practice they possibly can? And when Cocona first enters into Papika’s makeshift abode for the two of them, she’s greeting with the most comfortable, welcoming fort of plush pillows and cozy lights imaginable. It’s a sign that Cocona’s beginning to genuinely feel at home in this strange new world, finding a place of comfort she can relax and be herself in, even alongside someone else. Obviously, I don’t have any firsthand knowledge of what the queer experience is like, but the concept of finding a home away from home, becoming comfortable enough as yourself to find companionship outside of the guidelines society places on you, is incredibly moving, especially with how supportive Cocona’s grandmother seems to be of letting her start to set those boundaries herself. I can only imagine how massive a relief that must be for her.

It can still be scary and overwhelming at times; when Papika rushes ahead too fast and leaves Cocona behind, she gets dirty and bruised and exhausted trying to muddle through on her own. But Papika’s learned enough at this point that she always comes back, always offering a welcoming hand to hold onto and a promise that she’ll never let go. And by the end of episode 4, Papika’s comfortable enough to return that promise of eternal companionship, framed in the prismatic rainbow colors of a warp gate as their hair billows freely and their broad smiles mirror each other to a T, and nope, it’s okay, I didn’t need my heart today, why do you ask? Fucking hell, these two are incredible together, and Cocona’s growth into this mutual intimacy is handily summarized by her exchange with Yayaka at the end of episode 5: ”Are you prepared for what that entails?” “Not at all!” There’s still a lot about being gay that’s scary and uncertain for her, but she’s ready to push past that fear and embrace her true identity, because she knows the life she and Papika share is worth fighting for. It’s a beautiful sentiment, expressed with emotional resonance and perfect clarity, coming right off the heels of an exploding kaleidoscope of color and joy. It is, in short, peak Flip Flappers, and I can think of no higher praise than that.

Odds and Ends

-Of course she takes the straw out and drinks straight from the lip.

-”Sit!” akjsdhaskjdhasd I fucking love this girl

-Also, don’t think I don’t notice their transformations made them switch colors.

-Thaaaaaat’s a stretchy black hole. Damn.

-Wait a sec, I just fucking realized: the shade in the boat from her dreams is the fucking Young Girl/Old Lady optical illusion. What the actual heck.

-”It wasn’t empty.” askdhakhdsasd

-WHY IS THERE A DODO BIRD

-”This stuff is edible, right?” “I’m eating it.” Papika, you are a peach.

-Ukxsull, what the fuck ARE you?

-That hoverboard grows cooler by the second.

-”I met the person I wanted to meet, so I’m sure you will too!” Uuuuuugh help they’re TOO FUCKING SWEET

-”She just said it normally?” “That’s senpai for you!” These next-episode teasers are killing me.

-”Boo.” FUCK’S SAKE PAPIKA YOU’RE GONNA GIVE HER A HEART ATTACK

-”So this world gets you all hot and bothered?” oh my god you useless lesbian

Good god, y’all, this show is good. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #flip flappers

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trevor-brown-artist · 5 years ago

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I Lost a Nephew During the Pandemic but He’s Still Alive

When the abused becomes the abuser the circle is complete, and the trauma has won, the cycle will continue.

Wow it was just about two decades ago when I first met my nephew. He wasn’t my nephew yet he was one of the twins of my former brothers very beautiful and intelligent girlfriend and soon to be fiancé. They had invited me up to their single bedroom home in Beacon, I think for thanksgiving. Quick aside this was before I had learned about the cult-like history in his girlfriends past where they didn’t celebrate things like holidays.

I remember his best friend was named Oscar this maybe Latino dude a bit quirky but he had passed my muster in not being a total deadbeat. I still feel strongly that the people you surround yourself with reflect your own character. And my other former sibling surrounded himself with clear losers.

Kelly’s twins were paternal not identical and it was so curious to me that one was dark-skinned and one was light-skinned this physical duality also mirrored their significantly different personalities even so young they were their own people. I thought naturally I’d have an infinity for Marcus the darker twin because I had experienced the colorism that we don’t like to talk about in Black families and was of course rooting for team dark-skin!

Justice’s shy temperament and more sensitive nature mirrored my own behavior at his single digit age. Both of the boys were adorable as you tend to be at that age and I enjoyed rough housing with them in my siblings very sparse living room.

As I think of this time, it reminds me there was a time before my anxiety about eating in public and I’m realizing that some of my anxieties may have been caused by the traumas and injustices I faced by the hands of the ones who I thought should be taking care of my interest. Silly me.

We shared a meal and I ate but didn’t stuff myself always being conscious about watching my weight. And afterwards we played my Justice League Monopoly a great after dinner game for friends and family. They day I met my nephew was a happy day and a very fond memory before everything went to shit.

Now this is the moment I should probably recount those shitty things but you know I don’t feel like rehashing the past and the poor decisions others made that effected me so negatively. So let’s skip ahead twelve years. Marcus has become a young minister at the Kingdom Hall and besides being an amazing student is a beacon of heteromantic role models, playing sports and ministering with vigor as he goes out on missions, handing out tracts and surpassing quotas.

Justice has become more and more aloof had stopped going to the Hall and his once pristine grades had begun to dip and I had begun to think in our brief contact that he may be queer so it wasn’t a surprise when his uncle called me and told me that his parents had put him out the house right on his eighteenth birthday. Damn!

The marriage was started amidst homo-anatagonistic roots and had produced a queer son who was an anathema to the doctrines and dogma of the families faith. The same faith that made me a pariah at the nuptials had claimed another victim. And even though my other former brother set up a call with me and my allegedly queer nephew there was no foundation for the boy to trust me or even know me. As I had predicted so many long years ago the start of their marriage dictated by his grandmother had ended up in me being frozen out of my siblings life and when the coupling produced a child, I had met him less than a handful of times.

Here I wanted to assist my nephew but his parents had succeeded in him not getting to know me, and my assistance fell on very deaf ears and a young man who was very isolated felt even more isolated and I was horrified because there wasn’t anything more I could do. I can’t make a bond where there isn’t one, no matter how much I wanted that.

Someone had offered me a place to stay an offer that I later took them up on, so I wanted to pay it forward and I offered my nephew the same. When we spoke about this years later he said he had no recollection of this offer and I told him I wasn’t surprised he had just been rejected by his entire family and even though I was offering a lifeline he didn’t really know me from Adam and his trust in family had been so obliterated, that my earnest offer was like no offer at all because it held no value in his head. Because the seed was set that “family” equals pain. And who in their right mind would deliberately walk towards pain?

I had lost before I began but the urge for me to be a better uncle than my aunts and uncles always made me want to strive to attempt to be there for nieces and nephews even though I had continually been ousted, because I can only see children at the pleasure of their parents.

Uncles and Aunts hold no legal sway with our court system unless they have legal custody of one of their siblings children. I learned this the hard way when I lost visitation rights with my youngest former siblings children and took the grandmother to court with the kids great grandmother to attempt to get the rights to see the kids. I wouldn’t see those kids again for ten years and then only briefly.

I did try to keep in touch with Justice the uncle he didn’t know very well, and I know he secretly resented for being just like him. But one more card marked “Return to Sender”, had all but wiped out my will to continually chase after kids that clearly didn’t want this uncle in their lives, albeit that decision was being made for them.

His number was disconnected and his social media presence was seemingly non-existent. I probably didn’t do a durable search being so disheartened about trying to connect with a family that didn’t seem to want me and I apologize for my human frailty in this moment. But it’s not because I didn’t want to find him, I had lost the hope that I ever would.

I think his cousin had mentioned his brother and I had a photo of my light-skinned twinned nephew at what looked like some university, in a cap and gown and I wept that it seemed like he had made it through even though he was discarded like yesterday’s trash. I contacted his twin and asked about contact information and was told he could only be found on SnapChat I set up an account just to get in touch with him called UncleTrevor674.

I wanted to reconnect with him let him know I had been looking for him without success. And albeit his current internet presence was more robust I was missing the keywords Beacon and Florida. I didn’t know he had went down south for a few years and curiously enough had returned to Beacon. I saw now that adding these words did indeed make him easier to find but my own pain and hurt didn’t allow me the clarity to think of these things. I was excited to reconnect with him and attempt to have the relationship with him that I had been denied for so long.

But this was seemingly doomed because by my very nature of being his uncle I was the enemy, albeit when checking the receipts I had never done anything untoward to him. I was grouped in with all the people who had done wrong by him and even though I had tried repeatedly to be present and show an interest in his life, his friends, his interest, the damage had already been done. And my open hand was met with hostility and displaced anger, a pattern I knew all too well from my interactions with my former siblings who seemed to blame me for the fact that we were separated as children here again I was the target of the wrath of a young man whom I only wanted to connect with and support as best I could, and try to be the uncle to him that I never had.

His past traumas were much louder than the love and support that I offered and to protect myself I had to do the most painful thing I had to ever do with a niece or nephew I had to withdraw from the relationship and hope that time would heal the wounds that I didn’t cause, and that maybe someday I would get back the nephew I had actually lost decades ago but just never knew it.

#trevor brown artist photographer iconoclast #writing #family #queer struggles #black stories #pandemic #casulty of corona

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hethrewmyheartinthecut · 6 years ago

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Peakys on Great British Bake-Off

Round 1 elimination: Arthur is terrible at baking but he is so good-natured about being eliminated that you can tell everyone feels bad about it when he's the first to go

Round 2 elimination: Tommy tries very hard but has absolutely no fucking clue what "proving" even means cause he never tried to help out in the kitchen even once aside from making a sandwich. he's absolutely furious to be eliminated, because he's a sore loser at everything

Round 3 elimination: Lizzie doesn't particularly care about baking but she thought she'd do it because the whole family was doing it and she thinks it's nice for Ruby to see her included. Ultimately she's much better than any of the Shelby brothers, but she purposefully botches the technical on Week 3 because she finds out that she doesn't actually enjoy baking, and would rather be home hanging out with Ruby

Round 4 elimination: Finn knows a bit about cooking because he would occasionally do some of it while Polly was busy running the business, Martha was pregnant, Ada was off organizing Communists, and his older brothers were all at war. He has a taste for decent flavors but all his skills are super basic. Still pretty good for a young guy! Sorry that chocolate tempering didn't work out for you. At least Sue senses his Baby Gay status and takes him under her sartorial wing, ultimately curing him of his terrible haircut and copycat suit styles. Within the next three months he lands a nice boyfriend.

Round 5 elimination: It's a miracle that John survived even this long, and by miracle, I mean Esme. She's fantastic (with bread especially) and she gives him constant tips and advice because she thinks it's fun to flirt with him in front of the cameras. However, when her too-ambitious triple-tiered showstopper cake goes awry (the custard didn't set because of not enough gelatin, I don't have time to go into it more) she abandons him and he quickly founders on the rocky seas of icing a cake while said cake is still hot.

Round 6 elimination: Polly's not a good baker. She was adequate back in the day when she was taking care of Michael and Anna, but since then hasn't given a damn about cooking super well. If she bestirred herself she'd be a genius at baking as she is at everything else. However. She does not give a damn. Everyone else is panting and sweating in the heat like whipping up rum butter and she's coolly making herself a cocktail with the rum and sipping it while watching them. the only reason she's come this far--the ONLY reason--is because Mary has taken a liking to her and refuses to let Paul eliminate her for the first five rounds.

Round 7 elimination: Charlie Strong is a formidable baker, he's just not quite as fast-moving as some as the other contestants. He's incredibly experienced (doing most of the cooking for himself and Curly) and good at dealing with weird Technicals with baking know-how. But he doesn't particularly care about winning that much, and so he doesn't hustle, just makes nice things that he thinks are pretty until he gets eliminated for not being ambitious enough.

Round 8 elimination: With wit, creativity, and energy, Isaiah will either nail or fail every challenge. There's rarely any in-between. He often has creative or slightly cheeky concepts, like when he makes a red cake with a chocolate cannon on it to represent his favorite team (Arsenal). As a POC, he often gets that classic comment from the judges, "these flavors are...fascinating", but he just shrugs and works it to his advantage. Sadly he doesn't have the experience of some other bakers due to his age and ends up failing a Black Forest cake technical because he has no idea what a Black Forest cake is. Youth.

Round 9 elimination: Ada is an enthusiastic amateur baker in her spare time. It's a great way for her to relieve the stress of being related to Tommy and all his bullshit (besides being a single mother which is a whole ball of stress on its own!) Plus, Karl quite likes to bake with her, so that's fun. Ultimately, it was close between her and Linda, but Linda had a leg up on her because Linda had actually baked the Technical (madeleines) before. Just sheer bad luck. But that's alright, she sets up a "Baking with Karl" YouTube account in which she teaches Karl the basic principles of baking and communist theory, which develops a cult following among queer millennials, one of whom she ends up dating.

Round 10 elimination: Alfie is actually a baker and a damn good one at that. I don't know if you've Seen those arms but he's spent some time in his life kneading. His croquembouche showstopper is absolutely massive and over-the-top, just like he is, but it's so large that it's a bit unsteady and a few bits get dislodged from the top of the tower, which ultimately makes the championship out of his reach. Linda is also a fierce baker, since she takes all the domestic arts (cooking, cleaning, Protecting Her Man From Tommy Shelby) very seriously. Her minor obsession with everything being perfect and having every detail down pays off during most challenges, but during this one it means that she's not very ambitious because she's afraid of running out of time. That means she doesn't win either. Esme ultimately triumphs over everyone cause she's got a ton of experience under her belt and a "eh, fuck it" disposition. Before she married John, she traveled quite a bit with her parents and she has experience cooking in tiny kitchens, over a fire, or in a kitchen shared with all kinds of other relatives. She can improvise like nobody's business and she brings in a ton of foraged ingredients that give her an edge. She can be quite thoughtful and strategic when the occasion calls for it. Most importantly, every time she fucks something up, she just leans back a couple inches, lets out a wild laugh for fifteen seconds, and then fixes it. Unfortunately, she breaks the glass award plate nearly as soon as she wins it because she accidentally knocked it off the counter while she and John were having celebratory sex.

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luteia-fr · 6 years ago

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Lair Review: Kaial

Listen, I’m pretty sure I have your lair memorized at this point. When you boot dragons for sale I play the game of ‘which perma was this’ and oftentimes I’m right, and when I’m not I get myself all confused. Now, we got 12 dragons to do, let’s go take a dive! @pumpkin-bread

Let’s start with Hazel! Listen, I love pearl, I love pearl striation, I did not expect it to work with friggen stone, and eldritch is a damn hard tert color unless the dragon is green or blue. The fact that she works is a gotdang miracle, and she’s solidly a favourite in the nuzlocke, too!

This is Zuehal. We know nothing about him other than he is the resident NPC. But I’m gonna give him a shoutout anyway because this man clearly has a story he’s not telling, and my queer detection unit is ringing with “that is a GAY DRAGON” and keeps me wondering where he’s hiding his stellar backstory and probable boyfriend. I see you, NPC guy. I see you and I know there’s more to you than Kai is currently telling me.

Ahhh, Ezekiel. I didn’t actually catch when Flores left other than he did (and it’s understandable why out-of-lore), but this? This is a good dragon. I have no idea when Kai bought him but the idea of a neato necromancer teacher is brilliant. And that’s how I ended up with Byaku and Albafica in my lair, because now I was thinking about necromancers in FR and not the ‘wooo I wear dark robes with skulls on them and green fire’ kind, so Thanks To This Guy I have two more dragons in my lair. You’ll still be a favourite, Zeke. Great name, by the way, I named a cat that once.

Mistfall, or in reality, That Stubborn Girl Who Just Wouldn’t Leave. Radioactive’s a damn difficult colour, even I don’t like it even though I can appreciate its rainbow potential, but Kai did a good job making it work anyway! Now if she had glowing green clawtips, maybe it’d balance it out a bit and make her look Even More Stunning. She’s beautiful, she really is. I love her.

Rosalyn’s been in Amberspire for a long, long time, and she’s still absolutely gorgeous, and even more her story’s so saaaad. She needs a happy ending. I really hope she gets one, she’s beautiful and so is her artwork. Still love the apparel, fpose coatls are notoriously annoying to me to dress because of their funny shoulder area that I can never get right - yet, she looks amazing! I envy that, definitely.

We’re apparently halfway through, so let’s go with Ylva who got a new accent, I see! At least, I don’t remember her having that one. I love her, she’s very good, but I also know for a fact that this is an Evil Woman. I don’t know how she’s evil, but she is, there is quotation marks around her job and that means she is definitely not a hostess but something evil posing as one. I do not trust her. She is beautiful. I love her.

Ahhh, Lux. I’m still kinda mad at myself since I didn’t go get one of her kids when I had the chance, but she’s absolutely beautiful. I really love her accent and the way her pri and tert match like that, she’s gorgeous. The kelpie manes really were necessary for her and I especially love the double wing silks. I don’t remember who taught me how to layer them (it was someone layering gossamer+crimson to make the unreleased pink silks) but goddamn, when they work they work. I really love the PC fpose because they look a little like they’re praying, and Lux fits that really well, since she’s in mourning. I love her. She needs a hug.

NEAR MY BABY. The last time I checked in with Telyn, Near, and Wil; Telyn got himself kidnapped again - did he make it back home? Their bios don’t say. But Near is a very good boy and I love him, and he makes a great father. Plus he’s blind and still a warrior, which is awesome. His bio doesn’t actually tell his side of Telyn’s story, and I’m interested in seeing that for sure. Especially with how collected he is, how he reacted to the whole ‘you’re taking my husband away yet again to your shade cult’ thing. I wanna see what this boy is made of!

I am gotdang predictable, and I will never, ever, ever review this lair without mentioning My Baby Girl Althea. I know the nuzlocke is the main plot right now, but I wanna know what she’s been up to soooo much. Because we did establish that Annabella did learn at Tialla’s dance school so even though Althea wasn’t much in the picture, there’s no way Tialla wouldn’t look at her and immediately know she was Up To Something. I wanna know. I wanna see the showdown between her and Nihil (who I still don’t get because he doesn’t appear to have a soft spot, except he does, somehow?) and I want to know who Jacquara throws a pumpkin and a yell to calm down at first. Althea is My Girl. I am very honoured to have her daughter as mine.

Tialla is another favourite girl of mine! Her story is heartbreaking and absolutely perfect, and I want to know definitely if she ever finds her family again! She’s brilliantly complex and I really love her. I don’t have much to say on her other than ‘arhgahga she’s perfect’, but like, she is though.

Ahhh, Cassis, a new boy to help support an impulse buy. I know that feeling very well. I can tell he’s gonna have a plot, and I only wonder what he let escape by accident and why it killed his power. I’m so ready for that plot, I really am. He’s absolutely beautiful, and while I’m not the biggest fan of stained, it probably is the only way rose will work on a double thicket. He’s really beautiful, and I just can’t wait to see what happens.

Lastly, well, there was never a way that I’d do this review without mentioning Gidget. I barely knew Kizzy, but... I’m glad I did get to know you, a little bit. Your birthday is in a few days, so... Thank you for the time you spent with us. I’m glad that the dragon you wanted so much ended up with someone who loved you as much as Kai does, so in a way, Gidget is yours too. Gidget is beautiful, and what has been done with her even more so. I can’t say for sure, but I think you’d be happy with that. I hope you rest well. Thank you, for your time with us. We’ll always be thinking of you. <3

And that’s that! 12 dragons (hopefully, I went back and counted but might be off) - which is a very difficult feat with the 200 someodd dragons Kai has that I know of. But I did manage to narrow it down in the end, so here we are! :D

#lair reviews #kaial #pumpkin-bread

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captainfawful · 6 years ago

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With the year coming to a close, that means it’s time for me to do my “Nobody Cares Awards” thing I like to do! Check under the cut for some hot takes I may or may not have!

Hello, hello! It’s me again! Third year in a row I decided to jot my thoughts down on the years various game. I decided to change things up more from last year, kind of eliminating most of the categories in favor of writing more about the games I enjoyed. I tried to write at least something about every game in the Top 10 this time, even if it’s the bare minimum. Let’s see how it goes!

BEST MUSIC

This entire thing was first created because I wanted to write about how good Death Road To Canada’s soundtrack was. So no matter what changes with my format on this, there will always be a Best Music category. I’ll be honest though, there weren’t a whole lot of games this year with amazing soundtracks. The only real contender for most of the year was Celeste, which OST is very good, and fits perfectly with the games tone and style, but it’s not... The Best music. They aren’t songs I’ll put on loop and listen to multiple times throughout the day. They’re not the hard hitting tracks I would typically put at the top of this category, despite how great the music is. That’s how I felt until about August, when The Messenger came out. Messenger is not a game that will be in my Top 10 by any means, but it’s a pretty good game nonetheless with a couple of really weird twists. But the OST is phenomenal. Easily my number 1 favorite of this year. Just about every track in the game is a total banger. But don’t take it from me, take a listen yourself! A little later in the year I played through Just Shapes & Beats. I have a personal stigma against saying a thing with licensed music should qualify for Best Music, which is why JS&B did not make it into my top 3, but rest assured that it is sitting comfortably in the 4th place spot. Almost immediately after I played JS&B, Deltarune suddenly came out. I don’t think I have to tell you why that’s on here, right? Toby Fox cannot make bad music.

SPECIAL MENTIONS

THE MISSING:J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories

It’s hard for me to talk about what makes The Missing so special without diving deep into spoilers. There’s a reason it’s in the special mentions, and not the Top 10: And that reason is because the gameplay isn’t great. The Missing is a side-scrolling puzzle game, in the same vein as Limbo or Inside. Unlike those two, however, the puzzles you have to solve are not that hard, and most of the difficulty around it revolves around how slowly and janky the movement is. However, the overall story and twist is what makes this game great. There’s not a whole lot for me to say about the themes this game presents, so if you want to play The Missing, play it. If you don’t want to play it, then maybe take a look at some writings from actual queer women who could talk about its subject matter in a way I never possibly could.

The Quiet Man

The Quiet Man is a terrible game. When I first saw the trailer during Suare Enix's E3 presentation, I was super interested. I've always wanted a game that transitions from FMV to gameplay with as few seams as possible, and The Quiet Man promised that. Not only that, it promised a compelling story told from the perspective of its' deaf protagonist. The way I saw it, this game would either accomplish what it set out to do, or fail miserably. Either way, it was a win/win scenario for me! Little did I know just HOW miserably it would fail.... Oooooh, how miserably it failed... The gameplay is absolute trash, the graphics leave much to be desired which makes the "seamless" transitions from FMV look unconvincing and bad, the story is needlessly complicated despite how generic it is, the acting ranges from decent to awful, and it requires you to play it twice in order to actually understand what's happening. And all of those problems are the LEAST offensive parts of the game. It's racist, misogynistic, somehow ableist against more than just deaf people, semi-incestual, and also kind of pro-abuse??? I mean, it doesn't take a stance to be anti-abuse, and certainly doesn't condemn abuse, so does that make it pro? Maybe? Probably? I have a headache. I've watched this entire 2-4 hour game be played 10 or 11 times, and I still don't understand how this exists. Square-Enix published this. They dropped Hitman and IO Interactive not even one year ago, yet threw money at this horrible abomination of a video game! Oh by the way, you might be wondering why I said you have to play it twice to understand, and that's because the first playthrough doesn't give you any sound. Yup, aside from the intro cutscene and the credits song, the entire games' audio is just muffled ambiance. This includes all of it's cutscenes, of which there are MANY, and they are LONG. Entire MINUTES of dialogue happening at a time that the game just doesn't want you to hear or have subtitles for. The only way to get audio is to beat the game once and replay it. Not only that, but the New Game + with sound and subtitles didn't even get patched in until a week after it's release!!! Who does that!!!!! And the version with audio has some ATROCIOUS writing. Just about every scene has at least one line of dialogue that makes no sense, almost as if the writers were only told about how humans speak, but never actually heard one themselves. I’ve heard a lot of people saying it’s The Room of video games, and I sort of agree. Much like The Room, it’s not the absolute worst of it’s form of media, the game is playable start-to-finish, extremely straight forward so you can’t get lost, no bizarre puzzles to figure out, the FMV cutscenes are at decently produced. Hell, I wouldn’t even say The Quiet Man is the worst game to come out THIS YEAR. Crying Is Not Enough released in June, and boy oh boy is that game a trash fire. But it’s just BAFFLING that this game exists. That’s the perfect word to summarize my feelings on The Quiet Man. Every single thing about it is just, baffling. I need to stop writing about this game. This whole paragraph is probably going to be longer than anything from my Top 10, which feature a few games I ADORE, but no. All my writing energy is going to how terrible this fucking video game is. Don't play The Quiet Man. Or do, fuck if I care. Maybe watch someone else play it, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Ori and the Blind Forest

Back on the topic of good games, I finally got around to playing Ori and the Blind Forest! I played it for a little while after it originally came out around 2015, but it just didn’t stick with me at the time. There wasn’t any real reason why it didn’t stick, I just got bored and stopped playing, which isn’t that uncommon for me to do. But for whatever reason I decided to go back to it super late last year. It may have been the excitement for all the cool looking Metroidvanias slated to release throughout the year, I don’t know. But I played through it, and it’s fantastic! Most Metroidvanias tend to go with around a 60-40 split between platforming and combat. Different games have different splits, sure, but most of them tend to keep those somewhat even. Ori is like an 85-15, greatly favoring tight platforming over fighting enemies. Your main attack automatically locks on to nearest enemies, and boss fights are replaced with autoscrolling or stealth segments. The traversal is also super smooth and fun, making that 85-15 split much more favorable than others in its’ genre. Great controls combined with some amazing visuals and music, Ori is definitely a game I regret not playing earlier.

2019′S COMING IN HOT

Spelunky 2, Wargroove, Indivisible, Hypnospace Outlaw, Ooblets, UFO 50, Kingdom Hearts 3, Overland, Sea of Solitude, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, and Get in the Car, Loser!. These are all great looking games that are supposed to be coming out in 2019. I remember last December when I last did this, I couldn't think of THAT many games I was really excited for, and despite that I ended up with a pretty damn good list of games for 2018. So who knows what next year will be like?!

And now... The Top 10!

#10: Spider-Man

It’s been a great year for Spider-Man. His best buddy Venom had a pretty good movie, his new video game is good, and he has a new movie that’s fantastic! Yep, it’s been such a good year for Spider-Man in which nothing bad has happened to him or the people who created him.

#9: Megaman 11

2 > 4 > 3 > 8 > 11 > 7 > 5 > 6 > 9 > 10 > 1. Don’t @ me.

#8: Iconoclasts

Iconoclasts has been in development for a very long time. Officially, development for it began in around 2010, but there is a seemingly earlier game by Konjak that shares many similarities. Basically, Iconoclasts began development at least 8 years ago, and it shows, for better or worse. On one hand, the game is gorgeous. Grade A sprite work all around. The characters are interesting and well written with their own morales and arcs, and the story is surprisingly deep and compelling considering the type of game it is. On the other hand, the gameplay feels very outdated now. The combat is super simplistic, the puzzles aren't terribly challenging or rewarding, and the weapon/ability upgrades are very limited. The traversal can be sluggish and boring, which is a red flag for a game where you have to backtrack a decent amount. If Iconoclasts came out 4 or 5 years ago, I feel like it would've been at least a cult classic. But in 2018, it's a decent Metroidvania in a year of great Metroidvanias. Overall, I'm glad Iconoclasts finally came out. I just wish it either came out sooner, or got more updated for modern game design.

#7: Slay the Spire

For all intents and purposes, I shouldn't like Slay the Spire. I always hated card-based RPGs, and always hated RPGs with only one party member. And for the most part, the issues I have with both of those are still very much present in Spire. So why have I sunk 50 hours into it so far? Beats me! If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the similarities it shares to Darkest Dungeon, one of my favorite games, that ultimately drives me to it. Now, you might be asking why Slay the Spire, a game that came out in 2017, and won’t be in 1.0 until probably 2019, is in my top 10 for this year, but Ori & the Blind Forest isn’t? Well, I started Ori last year, and didn’t start Spire until the middle of this year! Also, they’re my awards, and I can do whatever I want!

#6: Just Shapes & Beats

Just Shapes & Beats’ concept is simple: A rhythm bullet hell. Certainly not the first of it’s kind, and not even the first one to use simplistic shapes as the obstacles/characters. But there’s a bit more to it than that. JS&B has some good personality to go with it. It has some fun characters, all of the levels are demonstrative of the areas you’re in on the world map, it even has a couple lightly emotional moments! It’s much more than you’d expect from a game about Just Shapes & Beats. When I was younger and had vague dreams to make games, I always imagined making one that was basically “What if a Windows Visualizer was trying to kill you?” and also be themed around a world and a story, and JS&B is basically that.

#5: Pipe Push Paradise

What happens when you take Pipe Dream, an iconic puzzler which has given inspiration to countless others, and mix it with Stephen's Sausage Roll, arguably one of the greatest puzzle games of all time? You get Pipe Push Paradise, of course! That’s all I really have to say, and all I NEED to say.

#4: Dead Cells

Go play Dead Cells. Really, it’s the closest thing to a perfect Rogue-like (that isn’t Spelunky) out there right now. It’s a game so good, Filip Miucin couldn’t look away from it long enough to write his own review!

#3: Subnautica

If I had the opportunity to become a Fishman and live underwater, I’d probably take it. As long as you take out the jellyfish that can kill you .0001 seconds after stinging you, I have no qualms with open water. In fact, the isolated feeling from it is really relaxing to me. That’s what initially drew me to Subnautica. Survival games are usually hit or miss for me, but the ones I like I really dive deep into (Heh heh), and Subnautica is one of those. Also, I was rewatching the Super Mario Bros. Super Show on Netflix as I played this, so now I’ll have those two permanently linked in my mind from now on.

#2: Into The Breach

I love tactics games, especially Advance Wars. While I do still love others in the genre like Fire Emblem or X-COM, there are some intricacies of the AW series that most of the others don't have. When I first heard about Into The Breach, I thought it would be exactly what I wanted, a true successor to the series I'd been waiting for. And it was not! But it's still pretty damn good. It's not so much a tactics game as it is a puzzle game, described by Waypoint's own Austin Walker as a "tactical dance". You know at the start of each turn where each enemy is going to attack, and it's your job to navigate and attack with your 3 mech units in the exact right way to minimize or even straight up prevent any damage that would befall you or the cities you're protecting. You aren't trying to advance a map during combat, or conquer any enemy bases. You are merely trying to avoid damage for a certain amount of turns and move on to the next level. And it's all super fun! I've let the game sit for 10, 20 minutes while I try and figure out every possible option I have after being backed into a corner, and coming up with the absolute perfect solution and getting through to the other side is super satisfying. The biggest gripe I have with Into The Breach is the same one I had for FTL, the developer's last game, which is I don't think the unlockable mechs/mech teams are as fun as the default ones. I played most of them once or twice and went "Yeah, that's a thing" and migrate back to the first mech team. All in all, Into The Breach is a fantastic game, it just doesn't scratch that Advance Wars itch I've been feeling. Oh well, at least there's still Wargroove!

#1: Celeste

Celeste is a game I got 100% completion in. For those of you who might not know me well enough to know how I play games, that’s something that never happens. I think the last time I purposely got 100% on a game was in Uncharted 2, and even that was only to get a skin for multiplayer. Despite that, it’s been really difficult for me to write up a whole thing about why I love Celeste so much. It’s just a compilation of everything. I love the look of it, both the sprite work and the character portraits. The music, as mentioned before, is fantastic and perfectly fitting for all of the levels themes which deal in different forms of anxiety or self-doubt. The levels are hard, but not too hard. The secrets hidden throughout the game are so satisfying to figure out and find, very reminiscent of Braid. I feel confident in saying that Celeste has cemented itself as one of my favorite games of all time.

Well, that’s all I can handle writing for this year. Thanks to the few of you who skimmed through all this, and extra thanks to the fewer of you who read all of it! I’m not 100% sure if I’ll do this whole shpeel next year or not; maybe if 2019 turns out to be an incredible year for games, and definitely not if I have to move to Twitter in the off-chance Tumblr dies out completely. Hope you all had a fun holiday season, and have a great 2019!

#dont reblog pls #long post #very rare personal post???

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pussymagicuniverse · 6 years ago

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American Horror Story Seasons Ranked from Best to Mediocre

Practically every TV series has a season that you don’t feel overjoyed about. Very few shows that have multiple seasons will impress you every time, unless you’re a super fan that finds no wrong even in what you love. It doesn’t make you less of a fan to critique and notice what could have been done better.

With American Horror Story it’s a different experience in regards to critiquing each season because it’s an anthology series. Despite American Horror Story: Apocalypse’s crossover with American Horror Story: Coven – every season has its own theme, plot, and characters. That alone brings on a plethora of possibilities each season, especially when we’re given weird teasers and minimal information.

Despite my love for AHS, there have been seasons that were quite sloppy or just not my speed. Below you’ll find my own personal ranking and if you’re a fan then you’ll understand all of what I’m saying.

1. Coven (2013)

While it may not seem like it, this season gets bashed on occasion. Some arguments on why it wasn’t the best were valid, but not enough to change my mind about this season.

Was it perfect? No, but nobody can say this wasn’t a nail-biting season. Not only did it have bad ass witches but Angela Bassett (Marie Laveau) and Jessica Lange (The Supreme, Fiona Goode) stole the damn show! A lot of the memorable moments featured one or both of them. Unless Stevie Nicks’ cameo appearances are more your speed. Which, in my opinion, were iconic and can’t be touched.

All in all, the season explored racism, what it’s like being black and a witch, depictions of Marie Laveau, Madame LaLaurie and the Axeman, as well as other topics. In my opinion, this season deserves better treatment than it’s received.

2. Murder House (2011)

This season was the perfect one to rope us in for this anthology series. It gave us the right amount of drama and plenty of horror. Of course, Jessica Lange (Constance Langdon) was stellar in this season, but the performances from the rest of the cast were on point as well.

The Harmon Family, which this season focuses on, keeps us on the edge of our seats throughout. Not many things will have you saying “totally saw that coming,” from the twists and turns to what transpired in that spooky ass mansion. While there were a handful of things that still disturb me, it’s still a top season for me and is undoubtedly a successful one within the series.

3. Apocalypse (2018)

Having Murder House and Coven crossover is something I have to applaud Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk (the show creators) for. Not only that but casting Cody Fern as Michael Langdon (aka the Antichrist ) was a big thumbs up. His performance throughout is no joke and it held me til the end, even when his character had me unimpressed, which unfortunately happened more than I’d like to admit.

Some parts of this season were dragged out to me and some characters felt pointless by the end. And that’s just some of what could have been done better in my opinion. Nevertheless, seeing my favorite witches again and witnessing many explicit scenes and having certain gaps filled helped the slow parts of the season.

4. Roanoke (2016)

Weird as hell. That’s the easiest way to describe the overall vibe of this season. In the beginning it seems confusing because of the set up. Though soon enough you come to the conclusion that it’s a TV show within a TV show.

It starts off being about an interracial couple, Shelby (Lily Rabe) and Matt Miller (André Holland), Matt’s sister, Lee (Adina Porter) and their experiences in a farmhouse that’s situated on the land where the Roanoke Colony disappeared in the 1580’s.

It was an interesting way to explore a real-life mystery and bring something new to the table for the series. What can be considered memorable is how many times Matt’s name is said from start to finish, the crazy ass ghosts, Scáthach or that British accent from Sarah Paulson in the final few episodes.

5. Hotel (2015)

This season is one that you either really didn’t like or you liked for the most part. For me, it’s re-watchable and holds my interest every time, even with the jacked up and bizarre happenings that occur in the Hotel Cortez. Though, I’m one for weird and batshit crazy stories, so maybe that makes me slightly biased in this instance. Mostly the season focuses on serial killers, supernatural occurrences and beings and a whole lot of mystery.

Lady Gaga, who had never appeared on the show before, gets to show off her acting chops as The Countess, a vampire who’s endured decades of the Hotel Cortez, and it’s creator. She can’t be compared to Jessica Lange but she wasn’t a disappointment either. Essentially she brought a different flavor that you either like or don’t. Regardless, it may not have been amazing but it wasn’t the worst either.

6. Asylum (2012)

This season does way too much and it overall feels like the wrong type of chaos. Whether it’s the alien abduction, “Bloody Face”, the consistent bullshit Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson) endures, Briarcliff Manor overall, the demonic possession, or the other craziness within this season.

I just can’t bring myself to actually consider this season the best one. Meanwhile, other fans most certainly will give it that title. The cast does help keep the season afloat and that does help save the season for me. Without a solid cast, this season would been a huge dumpster fire, which is the short way of saying it. If anything, it’s very much memorable for “The Name Game” scene, as well as watching a possessed nun act high-key explicit.

7. Cult (2017)

Ahhh, the results of the 2016 presidential election. I despise thinking about the rigged and undeniably corrupt results. The same ones that made that orange fool the president. We already deal with this reality and the horror of it all. So having this season be so realistic was... awful.

Instead of wacky serial killers, vampires, possession, bad ass witches, ghosts, or anything else that American Horror Story has given us – we get the horrors of our present day, such as: violence coming from Trump supporters and the right-wing in general to how progressives are painted as too radical and sensitive. In addition to how even white progressives can flip.

Not much about this season is unrealistic, which made it hard to watch. Normally I would be all for symbolism and realistic aspects, but Cult wasn’t as gripping as previous seasons. Not even Evan Peters (whose character I really hated in this season) helped.

8. Freak Show (2014)

Unfortunately there’s not much to take away from this whack season. Yes, the title should have given it away. Though it was given the benefit of the doubt and became a let down.

Maybe the first episode showed some potential, yet from there it was just a weird chain of events within the plot. No one was prepared for a choppy story or the most irritating character that is Dandy Mott (Finn Wittrock).

This season is indefinitely my least favorite and not even a few re-watches can change my mind. Not even the gay content within this season made it any better, which is saying a lot. So it makes the bottom of this list, will stay at the bottom, and won’t crawl up from the abyss.

Vanessa Maki is a queer writer, artist & other things.

She’s full of black girl magic & has no apologies for that. Her work has appeared in various places like Really System & others. She is also forthcoming in a variety of places. She’s founder/EIC of rose quartz magazine & is involved in other literary spaces as well.

Follow her twitter & visit her site.

#american horror story #american horror story analysis

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