#you can just call me Matt the song comic boy since that’s all I seem to do

[matttheratkingart]

Don’t Panic, No Not Yet

I know I’m the one you want to forget

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Woo-oo! Review! or From the Top

Hello all you happy people! And to those of you just joining this blog, welcome I review ducks, other animated shows and comics... and today’s review is special for me. For a number of reasons. For starters it’s a reminder how far i’ve come. See I always wanted to be a reviewer, ever since high school when a friend showed me a certain online reviewer whose now dead to me, and opened me up to a world of much better reviewers who i’m still fans of to this day, and ones who came after them , and after that and so on and so on. I so badly wanted a community to belong to I struggled to be a youtube reviewer but frankly lacked the talent or self confidence back then to try, so my attempts over the decade were a series of stops and starts. Of me starting to find my niche writing only to stop because I hated myself so much, and still struggle with that, i’d tell myself I could never do it, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t funny enough and no one cared. I kept shutting myself down AGAIN AND AGAIN, for far too long. 

But that all changed a year ago next month: I’d long been a fan of the Ducktales Reboot. I was caustiously optimistic when it was announced. The optimism came from a deep abiding love of scrooge as a character despite not having dove into his comics that deep, I didn’t have an easy way at the time, thanks to life and times and what comics I had read, and was excited to see a fresh reboot closer to the comics with my eternal boy Donald Duck back in the main character. The caution.. came from the fact that at the time we’d gotten a string of bad to medicore reboots: Teen Titans GO, Powerpuff Girl, and Ben 10 which started pretty meh but has turned into alirght from some of the later episodes I saw. I wanted to be hyped to all hell but I had no proof this wasn’t going to be another dumbed down reboot. Then comic con came, the first teaser poster dropped, and my skepticism died.

It was perfect: a barksian art style with it’s own twists! Donald full on display! And best of all the triplets FINALLY had not only unique outfits but personalities! I’ve long went on in my reviews about how much that annoyed me and while it worked for the barks comics ever since then it’s just felt like a waste to have three characters there.. and not even the SLIGHTEST difference. 

My anticipation only grew with the full trailer, the promo posters as more and more info showed how good this series would be, how unique it’d be, and how much tw as taking what made the comics great, giving us a better distalation of that while still being very much it’s own beast. And once this episode dropped.. that faith was unfounded. Woo-oo! is without hyperbole, one of the best pilots i’ve seen, one that introduced the entire main cast perfectly, gets the series tone and mission statment out just right and in general set the stage for one of the best shows of the 2010′s (and 2020′s, even if it only lasted a year and some change). Wheras Teen Titans GO actively tried to take a dump on it’s source material, they thankfully have stopped that but it dosent’ make those early years any less grating, Ducktales was a breath of fresh air that honored the past while making i’ts own future. I tried talking about it but it was all in other failed attempts at reviewing: solo podcasts, my breif second video review career.. stuff no one rightly cared about and I just couldn’t get the hang of. 

So this is where we loop back to last year: I decided to finally try and cover it one more time, not realizing this would be my last chance as it came out anyway, and since I was doing text reviews but my output had slid in the new year, I decided to review Season 3 as it came out. If it bottomed out I could always stop.... and I just never did. I kept going, eventually finding new fans, a patreon (The other one’s an old friend of mine), and not only got paid doing what I love.. but found some peace.  I reviewed other shows as they came out, covered things i’d wanted to cover for years like life and times, scott pilgrim and x-men,. I covered other shows as they came out, found people willing to talk over my opinions and found my niche at long last. 

So that’s why the long speech folks: After almost a year of reviewing i’m properly covering the start of something that made me happier than I had been in a long time and gave me hope during one of the worst periods of ALL our lives. Something i’ve wanted to cover since I finally got started last year, and something truly amazing. So i’d be honored if you’d join me under the cut as I talk about the genesis of one of the best series Disney has ever put out. 

Behind the Scenes Stuff:  Most details I could find were sparse. it took going back to the first month the show came out and looking at a LOT of unrelated questions to finally find out Frank and Matt outright pitched the show. This dosen’t suprise me as both are huge ducktales fans with Matt having drawn his own duck comics as a kid and Frank taking it an extra mile having sang the theme song in his first grade talent show, worked it into his vows and got his first daughter’s first word to be “Woo-oo”. It’s very clear this show as a labor of love for them something they dreamed of Disney made possible. 

Otherwise I don’t have much on the genisis of the show: It was in the earliest ideas going to be a revivial but Frank and Matt both decided against it , deciding it’d be unfair to expect kids from 30 years after the original to know the source material, and instead just starting it over outright, which was the right call especailly with Alan Young’s passing. 

Design wise I found quite a bit of concept art thanks to one website, and it’s incredibly intresting. This is why i’ve really gotten into art books: I like seeing this early stuff what characters used to be, figuring out or outright hearing from the creators mouths why they changed it that sort of thing. 

Starting off we have some early designs for Donald, with him wearing the sailor suit as a kid but his Quackshot outfit as an adult, something I honestly wish they’d kept but get why they changed it: The iconic sailor suit both helps contrast him with della and fits his reluctance to adventure in season 1 more. I still wish that they worked the Quackshot outfit in somewhere, but they worked in so damn much, it’s hard to complain> Though I probably will make a list of “things I wished they’d worked” in at some point and i’d be lying inf I siad my mind wasn’t currently turning the gears to figure out how to work this into a fanfic. Oohhh maybe as Dewey’s outfit as an adult but blue, obviously. 

Next we have Donald settled more into his final apperance as well as the boy’s first outfits.  As you can tell from both of these the show originally went more with the classic art style before getting the one we’re familiar with now, one I love by the way and was made to combine a classic cartoon style with the visual of the comics. Donald originally had his classic outfit before they transitioned to the more barks style one, a good call.  

The interesting bit though is obviously the boys original outfits which i’m honestly bummed didn’t make it for Huey and Louie, not so much Dewey minus the visor. I do get the changes though: The hoodie Dewey had fit WAY beter on Louie, and the lumberjack shirt didn’t quite fit the nerdier huey. Still look nice. Dewey’s is okay, but only the visor is something I really gregret them removing same with louie’s fedora. It would’ve been neat ot keep the hat thing, but have each hat be unique. Likely they simplified things to make animation easier and simply removed the hats for some reason, but it’s nice ot see these more detailed original drafts and it is VERY interesting to find that differentiating the triplets was something planned from the earliest concept art. Though given Matt and Frank said in interviews they wanted a more natural family feel, it’s not a huge surprise. 

Scrooge like everyone BUT the boys thus far, naturally also had his original outfit at first, but like he ended up doing in the series rotated a bit, if not as much in the final product. We also see a protoype for his final design, the old coat but with a jacket over it in the last image. I also notice Donald seemed a lot more like his old comics self in the concept art with quackshot!donald. 

Like everyone else, Webby and Launchapd were originally their 87 deisgns, though Launchpad’s slightly diffrent jacket and green scarf were changed from the start. Webby is the closest to her 87 design, and as shown in the previous Lena concept art from my “Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime” double feature, she still had her new personality. More on that in a bit. 

Finally we have Flintheart, whose design is a bit diffrent from 87: He was a chub from day one it appears, though they’d exagerate it, and his beard was a bit longer at first like his other incarnations. 

Beakly is largely unchanged form 87, only given a coat, which would gradually be mofidied, much liekt he boys into her current outfit. 

As you can tell Beakly, Webby and Launchpad were all there from day one as they wanted them from the original ducktales just updated. 

Production wise they wanted to go handrawn, chose the style they did to have something close to the comics that felt classicly aniamteda t the same time, I feel they succeeded and wanted a show that felt like the original. I do think this show has it’s own feel but it does feel ducktales. I badly hope for an artbook at some point though as this show probably hada  LOT more intresting concept art. Seriously Disney I will PAY YOU to look at your neat art. Please. 

So they created a fully formed world and put the characters in it, wanting it to feel like the world had existed before and had throughly been explored and letting our young heroes be the watson to Donald and Scrooge’s holmes. 

Finally Della was indeed part of the initial pitch and a core idea from day one as every family has secrets and Della felt like one that had been lurking around the fringes of the story for 80 years. The rest of the production stuff i’ll weave in as we go but first one last stop, the STELLAR voice cast, none of whom outsideo f Tony i’ve talked about before sooooo...

The All Star Cast

The casting was outstanding here, with Matt admitting the cast brought a LOT to the characters, especially Ben Schwartz whose taken on Dewey was so unique and intresting they actually rewrote some of his dialouge for the pilot to fit this version better. This is far and away one of the best casts in western animation, most coming from comedy backgrounds and one or two coming from a voice acting background, but all bringing their absolute best. And since our main 8 are all in the pilot let’s run them down along with Keith Ferguson shall we?

Playing everyone’s faviorite billionare scotsman  and one of the very few to ever do so, we have David Fucking Tennant. David was their “First and only choice” and for good reason: David is a talented actor with a MASSIVE amount of stage, tv and audio drama credits. His biggest and best known role is playing the 10th Doctor on Doctor Who, which while not my faviorite (That’d be matt smith, as he’s both the one I came in on and hte one who got me hooked) he’s still  VERY close second and damn talented and I need to watch more of his tenure. Outside of that just to condense it to his ongoing roles on stuff and bigger roles: Filmwise he’s had starring roles in the Fright Night remake, You, Me and Him, Fish Without Bicycles and Bad Samartains, and is set to do a voice for the upcoming Loud House Movie, which excites me to no end. 

TV wise where most of his roles have been he got his first big starring role on the Telly with the BBC Mini series Taking Over the Asylum in the late 90′s. He’d go on to make a career out of doing mini’s for a while, also taking part in He Knew He Was Right, The Quatermass Experiment Remake, Casanova, Secret Smile.. and Blackpool. I saved Blackpool for last before we move into the Who era as if you’ve never heard of it.. it’s REALY fucking weird. It’s a jukebox musical about a man who wants to make Blackpool, a real city, into the new vegas and Tennat plays a cop investigating a case around the guy and also trying to get with his wife because they used to date and because our lead is philandering jackass. That’s already kinda nuts.. but then you get to the fact the songs are sung OVER the original songs instead of making a new version of them. It’s surreal to be sure but if you can find it it’s worth it for the handful of good numbers and how weird it looks and you can find clips of the songs on youtube if your intrested. Here’s a starter. 

Your also welcome. He’d go on to play Detective Alec Hardy in Broadchurch to critical aclaim as well as be a part of it’s short lived american remake, would play the Fugitoid in tmnt 2007, Kilgrave in Jessica Jones, one of his few post who roles i’ve seen or heard besides Scrooge and easily some of his best work he NAILS that purple bastard perfectly, would make his own show Staged about a fictional version of himself putting on a Stage play that’s still ongoing, and is currently , along with Ducktales as it wraps up, the voice of Lord Commander on Final Space, with the character returning this season judging by the trailers to fan delight and terror. He’s a VERY talented actor and voice actor and I do hope he goes on to do more and more voice work in years to come as, with his background in radio, he was born for it. 

He was also born for this roll, playing Scrooge perfectly and easily matching Alan Young in quality, not a small feat and i’ts VERY obvious why he was their one and only choice. 

Next up is another legend, Tony Anselmo who we’ve talked about before when I covered legend of the Three Cablleros: He’s been Donald’s voice since shortly before Ducktales, hasn’t done much else but given he’s THE voice for the character and this show let him show off one hell of a range with teh voice, he dosen’t really need other credits. The man is a treasure and I fear loosing him one day and fear for whoever replaces him as they have a LOT to live up to. 

Getting into the triplets, we’re going by age so starting off we have Huey, voiced by Danny Pudi. Like most of this cast aside from Toks Ogladyve and Beck Bennet (Who I probably HAD seen on SNL but didn’t really know or look out for him on there till after Ducktales), I not only knew Danny but was a huge fan of his going in. This is due to his breakout role on the glorious sitcom Community, which sadly only had a handful of i’ts cast show up on this show. I mean you got Lin Manuel Miranda I’m sure Donald Glover would’ve said yes too. He grew up with Ducktales. Regardless his role as meta guy Abed was easily the best of the cast on that show, with Glover as troy a very close second and the two working at their best as a duo. Outside of that he’s had a few roles being a regular on Powerless, which I forgot existed and currently on Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet, and shockingly hasn’t done a ton of voice work. And given his performance as huey was one of the best parts of this show he REALLY, REALLY SHOULD. Please Danny. He’s also a loving husband, father and surprisingly a marathon runner. Never would’ve guessed.

Next up is SNL Alumn of 9 years, Bobby Monynihan. Bobby is naturally best known for that, my faviorite role of his being Ass Dan. That’s right bitch you know he’s going to live fore..

ASS DAN 1981-2021

He’ll be back. Outside of SNL he’s done a bunch of minor roles. He’s currently on the tragically mediocre sitcom Mr. Mayor, and voiced Panda on We Bare Bears. Hopefully he keeps up the good work as he deserves better than he’s gotten and Ducktales proves it. 

Finally for the triplets we have a rising star in voice acting, Ben Schrwartz. At the time Ducktales launched, I was a fan of his from his roll on parks and Rec as Jen Ralphio, aka older scummier Dewey. 

Outside of his historic recurring role here he played a main role on House of Lies, a show I need to go back to, and has done other live action rolls but has REALLY hit his stride in voice acting. He started with voicing Randy Cunningham in Randy Cunningham 9th grade ninja and since then has hit the ground running: He was Rutabega on Bojack, Josh on Bob’s Burgers, and went on to complete the trifecta of blue nostalgic characters after voicing dewey by voicing Leo in Rise of the TMNT (and having one of the most unique and intresting versions of the character to play) and reprised the roll for the upcoming film. And of course he hit it HUGE by playing Sonic in the suprsingly fantastic Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and will do so again for the sequel and might even take up the roll for the games now Roger Craig Smith has retired. We shall see. Point is this guy’s at the top of his game and Dewey is part of that. Like with his brothers I can’t picture anyone else playing him. 

Rounding out the kids is Webby, played by the wonderous Kate Micucci. Kate is a lovely talented woman who mostly showed up in smaller parts, was part of the musical duo garfunkel and oates which even got their own tv show, and is currently a fairly prolific voice actor with this being her best known roll. I also had a bit of a crush on her once can you tell? Regardless besides absolutely nailing it as Webby she’s voiced Julie Kane in the crimnally short and even more crimnally not on Disney+ Motorcity, “Irma” in the 2012 TMNT cartoon, and the fact that “Irma” is in quotes should tell you how big a waste I felt it was having her NOT actually be Irma, despite Kate’s massive talent, the fact that Irma hadn’t been in anything since the 87 cartoon, and the fact that for added “Fuck you audience points” her krang form was voiced by Gilbert Godfried, who I love but whose casting feels like they wanted to make the twist as grating as possible. Good job there. 

Anyways her second biggest voice gig was as Sadie on Steven Universe, which took WAY too long to show off her absolutely tremendous singing voice. She started voicing Velma Dinkley in the mid-2010′s and has since, voiced Milo’s sister Sarah on Milo Murphy’s Law, Dr. Fox on Unikitty, and most recently voiced a sentient present on close enough who did this. 

So yeah quite the career and like Ben she probably has a long and storied career in Voice Acting ahead. 

Next up is Beck Bennet as everyone’s friend Launchpad where he excels. He’s best known as a castmember on SNL outside of this, and shockingly hasn’t done a ton of voice work. The only other time i’ve caught him is in the same season of Close Enough as Luc, aka dude-bro satan. But like eveyrone else here who hasn’t done a lot of voice work so far or has been more selective I defintely hope he keeps going with it as he’s amazing. He and Ben will be co-starring on MODOK in May so i’m excited for that. 

Last up for the main cast is Beakly, voiced by  Toks Olagundoye, who I hadn’t heard of before this show and hasn’t done a lot outside of the two season sitcom the neighbors, the aliens one not the really terrible looking one, and a stint on Castle, but like everyone here deserves much more and if Beakly is any indication, really should stick with voice acting. 

Last up is Keith Ferguson as only he could as FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, whose a staple in the voice acting community ever since 2000, and has had a TON of roles some of which I was unaware with him. Given Frank worked with him on Wonder Over Yonder, where he voiced Lord Hater to perfection, the two clearly have a close working relationship. He also has a close working relationship with Wonder creator Craig McCracken and has worked on all of his post-powerpuff girls show, voicing Bloo as his first major role, something I never would’ve guessed, and currently voicing Papa G on Kid Cosmic. 

Outside of Craig and Frank, he played both Karate Kid and Nemisis Kid on Legion of Super Heroes (Which really needs to come to HBO Max), Deputy Durland on Gravity Falls,  and Thunderbolt Ross on Avengers Earth’s Mighteist Heroes. He’s damn good and deserves the world for Glomgold alone and i’m glad Craig rung him up again as so far through my watch of Kid Cosmic he’s great. 

So with our cast in place, our past in place and you all likely ready to get on with it already let’s dive into the episode:

THE EPISODE: Part one Woo-Ooo!

We begin with a shot of a seagull flying overseagulls, a nice way to establish how this world works and how it bends expectations. They’d have to wait till season 3 to get a duck next to ducks but given that gag is one of the best of the series, it was worth it. 

Inside a house boat we meet Donald, Huey and Louie and get a sense of their personalities: Donald is panicked trying to get to a job interview and insists the boys wear life vests, showing his overprotectiveness and responsibility exclusive to this version. Louie stresses that Donald wear a suit instead of his normal clothes to properly impress the interviewer, showing his skill at people reading and manipulation, and Huey is making a nice, if messy, breakfast with a heartwarming message showing his heart and dedication. After finding out said Babysitter was sent to the wrong address, the boys TRY to hustle him out to stay alone.. only for Dewey to blow the scheme by starting the boat too early, letting Donald know he’s been had. Huey’s attempt to lie about it is of course the classic “Who’s Dewey?” Dewey’s caught wiring the boat and Donald throws them in the car, with Donald livid and the boys upset as their chafing at his constant overprotectiveness. 

Both sides aren’t wrong. tThe boys DID do something reckless, putting an old woman in the desert and risking their home just to go on a joyride. What they did was wrong.. but the boys AREN’T wrong for getting annoyed that he won’t let them DO anything and overly hovering over them when they CAN handle themselves as we’ll see. WE now know why: he lost their mother and his sister to her and scrooge’s recklesness. While he got therapy for his anger it’s clear he never properly got help about Della, and thus overcompensates by trying to keep what he has left of her alive. He means well.. but to them it comes off as him being manically overprotective with no good reason. They get into trouble because it’s the only way to DO anything away from him. He’s trying so hard not to loose them he almost has by the time hte series starts, and it’s telling that when they get context in Last Crash, they appricate him more from then on. They do love him, but their frustration is understandable even if what their doing is pretty damn stupid. But their also 10 and Donald’s the grown adult in therapy who should’ve dealt with this or tried to at least by now.

So with no other options Donald sets a course for McDuck manor which excites the boys who have heard of Scrooge McDuck and his exploits, each rattling off something they heard him do that fits their personality (Dewey picks him fighting a stone monster, Huey picks him uncovering a hoax and Louie picks his swimming in money. ) As Donald tries to get them to simmer down, they wonder what he’s up to

He’s up toooo.. depression. He’s in a room with his board, watching them with utter hate and sadness as they talk about cutting the invention and aviation departments. This scene plays ENTIRELY differently after the final two episodes of the season. Before it still plays well as Scrooge clearly resenting being stuck in a boring board meeting, having lost everything that made him him and just having lost his passion for life. Now? It plays as a man utterly disdainful of the men who made him give up on his daughter. While as far as he knows they did it to save his employees from his company collapsing, we know better now... and seriously where IS the rest of the board they just vanished after the Season 3 premiere.

I don’t mind only one being fleshed out, unlike the triplets we only NEED the one I mind that they just never explained it and still haven’t. Hopefully the finale will. 

But back on the plot, it now plays as Scooge just full of hatred for them, knowing they had to do what they did, even if they weren’t emebzlling but still hating them and himself. He’s likely not even paying attention anymore because he just dosen’t CARE: he has all the money int he world.. and it couldn’t bring him his daughter back. As he sadly puts the coins he was fiddling with back and says see you tommorow he can’t even close the vault without a struggle. As we’ll see later the strength never left, it’s not like he stopped execrising.. but he has nothing left to fight for. Nothing left to care about. He could adventure agian so far.. but without Della or Donald, as we’d learn two seasons later the reason he enjoyed it again... what’s the point? He has nothing left except his money. 

This is also a nice parallel to the final Chapter of LIfe and Times. I always felt the first half of woo-ooo was a spiritual adaptation of chapter 12 of that: Scrooge meets the boys for the first time and with their help, and Donalds in the story< Webby and Launchpad here, he regains his passion and more importantly his family after driving them away> The how is very different: he did in life and times due to sinking to his lowest point morally, then cruelly dismissing his family when they tried to welcome him home and bury the hatchet despite what he’d done. Here.. he made a HORRIBLE mistake, one that wasn’t entirely on him but still cost him everything and spent the decade instead of stewing or making more money trying desperately to undo it. The end result is the same, a dried out husk of a man with nothing left to loose and no will to gain anything.

This husk has launchpad though whose introduced as his driver and while good with subs and planes.. isn’t great on the road. After that though Donald pulls up hoping to drop the kids off before Scrooge arrives. Naturally this being a cartoon and Donald having tempted fate with that Scrooge shows up telling him to jettison that Jallopy at once. And finding out who it is, apart from asking how Donald is and Donald doing the same, dosen’t sway him. The boys however freak out after finding out Scrooge is Donald’s and there uncle, with my faivriote bit of that being Dewey exiting the car via a window and rolling across the roof back in. Amazing bit of animation. Wish I had a gif of that. 

Donald makes the situation plane and angry and asks “Can you do that without LOOSING THEM”. And scrooge is so painfully disarmed by his reminder of his past mistakes and the fact his surrogate son still resents him, that he agrees before realizing “Shit I have to watch children now don’t I” as Donald drives off. As you probably guessed, this is another scene that plays differently in hindsight, if not by much: It still plays as two men too stubborn and bitter to reconcile.. but now we know the why behind both their rages it feels even sadder. They both lost the person they cared about most but as it sadly happens in real life both have dug in their heels to reconcile, both feeling their right when neither completely is. While Donald was right to be upset at scrooge and della for what happened, and is mostly taking it out on scrooge because he’s the one left... he’s held onto his anger for 10 years instead of going to help when he’s unemployed, living in a dilapidated houseboat and trying ot raise three children alone and could’ve used what help scrooge would give. Scrooge is right to be upset that Donald is just selectively ignoring everything he’s done to save Della, but is too stubborn and prideful to apologize for what he DID do wrong and feels that’s enough to make up for it when , while it is enough that donald should forgive him, still dosen’t mean he dosen’t have a lot to apologize for. Both are just too angry and too much alike, as much as it woudln’t seem so, to settle with each other and see too much of what they lost. 

So the kids follow Scrooge.. who forgets to open the door, and Beakly lets them in. It’s a nice subtle bit. After some silence, Bentina TRIES to get her old friend and now employer to talk to them, but he naturally refuses and they do the talking, asking tons of questions.. and Dewey ends the conversation by accidently pressing the “imply he USED to be something rather than is something right now “ button

So Scrooge throws them in the twins old room, and Beakly gives them some marbles. You will give them b ack they will be counted. But another subtle touch I missed the first time is there... her sad look. She clearly doesn’t want to do this, but she has to play this carefully or else he might get mad and fire her on the spur of the moment. He’d obviously hire her back, where else is he going to get an ex spy who will both clean for him AND be his bodyguard and security. It’s a very small pool. Mostly because Beakly probably killed most of the other people who’d of fit that description during her spy days. 

Scrooge meanwhile is still rattled by Dewey’s statment, wondering if he really is a “used to be” instead of a “never left”. The fire is starting to spark again.. he just needs more kindling. And more kin. 

Meanwhile Louie and Huey marvel at Dewey’s “Brilliant’ breakout plan: hit the door knob with the sack of marbles til lit breaks. To be fair, they’ve known dewey as long as they’ve been alive and even by season 3 after he’s taken several levels in badass and cunning.. he still crashed a plane because his brother well-meaningly called him basic, and thought being nearly sacrificed the most times was an accomplishment. This is the best he could do and you all know it. It also works, so they can’t fault him for that... though he’s quickly kidnapped as are they. They wake up after the commerical break in a room with pure darkness, hung from the celing with a mystery person asking who they are and who they work for before Louie calls out for “uncle scrooge”... so she claps the lights back on and..

Well close. But it is Webby, who cuts them down, fangirls over meeting the nephews and asks who the evil triplet is. They all point to Louie who shrugs it off. I mean it was funny enough the first time but at this point I know he’s running several fradulent charites, almost all scamming his uncle. He’s earned that title. Webby puts them on the big board and then when asked they find out she’s Webby, her granny Beakly is housekeeper.  She then asks the big questons “Are we friends now?” “If we say yes will you let us live?” “Ha good one new best friend”

She then explains she dosen’t get to leave or anything even eat a hamburger. The boys are moved by this and Louie asks what she does for fun. She leads them to the vents and while Huey and Louie are a bit relcutant, Dewey naturally goes first pointing out it’s better than the marble room. They agree and are on their way. 

Okay unpinning that pin, the crew conciously updated Webby and Beakly as neither really had a lot of purpose in the original. It was also to conciously add more actiony females to the main family lineup, as both creators, both being fathers, preferred someone their daughters could look up to and would enjoy watching. Not someone perfect but someone intresting instead of someone who often got Kidnapped and whose main charactrisitcs were “Sweet and GIRL STEROTYPE” So cleverly they KEPT her being girly, having a skirt, liking ponies. .but also gave her all the training and skill of one Cassandra Cain, a sheltered background and an adorable personality that kept the sweetness but added her probably having killed a man at some point. It worked as Webby is one of the best parts of the show. 

Likewise Beakly was upgraded from fuddy duddy housekeeper, to badass former secret agent whose also a housekeeper, and bodyguard and confidant to scrooge. Demonstrated by her talk with him as he tries to put on his diving suit and go after the jewel of atlantis, having spotted the signs to go after it in the paper.. and wanting to prove a child wrong. Beakly points out the flaws in this, and tries to get him to connect to his family. Having lost hers, it’s easy to see why.. though the how’s a mystery.. for now i’m guess. We’ll see in the finale. But she’s Scrooge’s concisence and the one who can easiest reign him in, to the point two episodes directly have our heroes have to NOT call her or else the plot was end, but have that worked into the plot so it works. She’s the calm in his storm and hte one person he needs more than anyone else even if he dosen’t always realize it. He calls family “nothing but trouble” just as Dewey passes overhead. 

So naturally as Webby shows off Scrooge’s old treasures in a mysterious room, while the other Siblings are rightfully impressed, Dewey dismisses it as “fake” because he’s being a little shit, and they agree after seeing Donald, not knowing his reputation. The cutaway to him struggling with a stapler does not help> it’s only when Webby accidnetly uneleashes Captain Peghook, a vengeful ghost after scrooge, who gets his hand on a ghostly sword do they realize this time the monsters are real. Huey also accidently wakes up Manny, the headless manhorse! 

Things somehow get WORSE as Scrooge finds them.. but is in no state to argue and as our heroes duck and Huey tries to divise a plan.. Scrooge get’s his spark back once agian.. it’s starting to become an ember now... and he charges in despite Dewey’s cries of “No come back your old!”. It then gets VERY badass Scrooge: Oi! Beastie! What's it gonna take to shuffle you off to the afterlife? Captain Peg-Hook: The head of Scrooge McDuck! Scrooge: [cracks his neck, flips his cane around to wield like a sword] Would you settle for his hat?

Now that is how you show how badass Scrooge is in a few lines and gestures. HE proceeds to take both out, as they’ve now teamed up, easily, tricking peghook into cutting off the head of a statue of him in the area, throwinng it at him and finsihing the ghosts buisnesss (”I should’ve been more specifiiiicccccc”) and then giving Manny the head, earning him a loyal employee for life. So our days saved, the kids have faith.. and Scrooge is still pissed. He also reveals this isn’t a treasure room but the garage in what’s easily the best gag of the first half, possibly the whole special but one iconic moment is very close in that one. Webby concedes what about the stack of old magazines or the hose or.. okay he’s probably right. He berates them only for the kids to fire back, pointing out he threw them in a room, they just wanted to spend time with him... but it’s only Dewey throwing his words back in his face that pisses him off. Scrooge bellows at them to get out, clearly having internalized everything with donald into rage and trying to justify pushing eveyrone away instead of working at it... but this dosen’t have time to actually work, nor would Beakly actually throw three children out on the curb, as he hits a mystic gong.. the third time it’s been hit. And after realizing it’s already been hit twice Scrooge is faced with Pixu, the gold hutning dragon! And guess who has a giant bin of it wanting to snack on? Scrooge naturally climbs on the thing and the kids naturally want to follow, with Webby getting her first development by proudly announcing “I’m going to eat a hamburger” then explains the metaphor. They just need a pilto.. and as Launchpad has been saying but I forgot to add in “I’m a pilot”

So we get a GORGEOUS bit of Scrooge riding the dragon over the city, getting banged up as he does before finally being thrown off.. only for the kids to catch him with the planes help and try and come up with a plan. Scrooge overcomes his anger at them not staying put, especailly since Webby brings up the right weakness: as a wise man once said...

So they need some.. like say the Medusa Gauntlet Scrooge had in the garage.. that Louie naturally stole. Huey and Webby eyeroll him but they have what they need.. and Huey brought the hose and quickly comes up with a plan, tying scrooge in, and swinging him to Pixu. The kids hold on tight, Dewey calls his family awesome and our heroes win the day as Scrooge turns the dragon to stone, slips and falls.. and then GRACEFULLY dives into hte bin, showing off his diving skills and his badassery. The day is saved, the gauntlet and the dragon go in the bin for safe keeping and Scrooge calls the kids trouble.. and chuckles fondly. “Curse me kilts how i’ve missed trouble”

He’s impressed: Huey’s quick thinking, Louie’s pickpocketing, Dewey’s drive, and Webby’s magical knowledge all saved them. For once. .he’s happy again. And for the second time in life it took his family to remind him why he does this and show him the true fun of adventure: Getting to share it with those he love. And he finally has people to love again. He has family back, kids who look up to him and want to learn from him again, a REASON to adventure. Money and treasure and eveyrthig couldn’t bring della back.. but he at least sees now that whiel they certianly couldn’t.. they can bring him closely with what he has left. She’s gone, for now.. but she left behind three great kids who could use a mentor and Beakly brought him a fourth. And he just found out he has a pilot. The ember.. is now a raging flame. Scrooge is back. Because i’ts not the money or the glory.. it’s the thrill of it, the discovery.. and the family that makes adventuring worth while and he’s learned that lesson again. So he calls Beakly to clear his schedule.. forgetting she you know PUT A FUCKING PIN INTHE WALL the last time he asked her to play scretary and the onlyr eason she dind’t drive over the choke him to death, is that she’s probably happy he’s back on track.

Back at the interview Donald is stapled to the wall and gets the job.. not as an accountant mind but his employer needs a sailor.. and his employer is FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD. Oh boy. 

Part 2: Escape To/From Atlantis First the last bit of background I saved: Originally, Fenton and Gyro were supposed to show up here, starting a gag of Fenton showing up but not being named until “Beware the B.U.D.D.Y. System!”, setting up the sub. But the crew decided this took too much away from the focus on the duck family. The not naming him gag was also dropped, and I have two reasons why: Their given reason, which is it’d take up too much time and a logistical reason: While they gave a heartfelt pitch to Lin-Manuel Miranda, as frank wanted a strong Latino superhero to combat the lack of them on film, Frank and Matt probably thought they woudln’t get such a huge name or at least prepared for it.. and were delightfully suprised when Lin happily and tearfully agreed. So they likely scrapped it so they could properly promote the biggest name in their voice cast. Honestly it was for the best and they still go to do the idea with Drake in “The Duck Knight Returns!”, where it worked much better than it probably would have with Fenton. 

We open with the Glomgold Industries Employee Training Video! Encourging IP Theft, making things cheaper and general scumbaggery, and claming your the world’s most beloved scottish billionare. IN short the perfect introduction to everyone’s favorite insane, fake-scottish, scheming, egotistical , short sighted billionaire. As i’ve made transparent before, I fucking love the reboot version of Glomgold and he’s easily one of my favorite parts of the reboot. They clearly needded to find a new place for Glomgold in the grand scheme of things as the show was more about globetrotting adventure and family and less about getting contracts or bets about whose bigger money and more about family. While they DID do a classic bet storyline with season 2, it’s clear the old glomgold was just a bit too stiff to properly fit into this new zanier and deeper universe. 

So they instead remolded him as a half insane, knockoff scrooge, someone who PURPOSFULLY modeled himself after the guy to try and one up him, and instead of being a fairly low pitched schemer, was a bombastic idiot whose schemes were half baked, whose name was on everything he made, and whose only thing bigger than scrooge was his glorious ego. In short he was perfect for this series and perfect to show up way more often as a bumbling thorn in Scrooge’s side.. but one who COULD be effective in the right circumstances, as to not make him completely pointless. Keith was likewise the only person I could see in the roll now as with Hater he had a history of playing bombastic, egosticial morons, and made Glomgold into the enjoyable ball of ego, bombs, sharks and shouting we know and love. Some people didn’t take to this version after a while... I’m not one of those. I loved him here, I love him now, and he’s every bit as good in season 3 as he was at the start. He’s also wearing a kilt mcduck A KILT. A bit that’st STILL funny four years and 70 some episodes later. 

So we meet Gabby McStabberson and the Smashnikovs as they and Donald file in, though Donald is busy wrapping up a call with Scrooge, who assures them he has a low key day planned.. while in the sub getting ready to go to atlantis. And nearly drowning when Dewey tells Launchpad to dive while he and Scrooge are still up top. Cue credits. 

So on the sub we get our setup for the two main plots for the episode: While the main thrust of everything is Scrooge taking them to Atlantis, each leads to a diffrent plot. Louie talks to Donald and lies entirely about their day, worrying Webby.. who then reveals she just didn’t tell Beakly she took off or where she was going and encourages her to call and lie. To save time, i’m going to cover this subplot now minus the conclusion as it’s pretty simple and this review is already a day behind. Louie wants her to lie so she dosen’t worry, which is oddly sweet.. still a bit greasy, but it’s clear he means well and it shows in his own way the boy cares about Donald: Sure he’ll lie to the guy, and set up a fradulent charity to scam him.. but he also knows not to worry his dad-uncle and kows Donald is better off thinking their safe than knowing the truth. Granted it also prevents consequences for Louie.. but he’s not playing here here. He gets nothing out of Beakly not knowing the truth or helping some girl he just met, he’s just being NICE in his own twisty way. It’s a nice show of his depths: While louie will lie, cheat and steal Eddie Gurrero style, he does have a caring side underneath hit. He can read people well and while he primarily uses it to manipulate people, we’ll see time and time again that he can use it for good too and to help those he cares about. He’s nothing but supportive the whole plot, and even when he says “you can’t back that up” it’s more worrying about her and having a bit of crack than actually being a dick. 

So Webby tries lying, but is about as good as Huey is at it, saying “I’m at a friends house nothing, then makes up a clearly fake name, then says their only talking in swedish for a grandpa. Launchpad DOES help, but only by accident and snake venom. We’ll get to that. As I said this wasn’t the most complex plot. 

The main plot is our focus episode for dewey. In theory each of the kids was supposed to have one in the first five episodes: Dewey here, Webby in Daytrip of Doom, Louie in Great Dime Chase and Huey in Impossible Summit of Mt. Nevverest!. Given the last one was horribly delayed, he instead got Terror of the Terra Firmians, which in hindsight wasn’t the best spotlight episode for him. But it’s a good system; Introduce them all in the first half of the pilot then slowly focus on each one.  So now Idoloizing Scrooge, Dewey is desperate to be his sidekick and be seen as an equal and is in deep denial as scrooge instead has them all buckle up for a 17 hour ride and when Dewey questions the route, which skips the direct path.. but is clearly marked with monsters, Scrooge just snaps at him and shuts him down and disapoints the boy who only wants to prove himself to Scrooge. 

Naturally though, telling someone with that kind of need for attention and validation to wait goes poorly as he redirects the map while Launchapd is distracted.. and we find out WHY the trip is 17 hours as the direct route nearly gets them killed by mer-ducks, krakens and some sort of storm elemental. Dewey is bummed it didn’t work and annoyed to realize he’s just lumping them all together like Huey pointed out earlier. Huey is also delightful here, having brought travel bingo and sea shanties, clearly used to trips with his other uncle. And adorably taking after him. 

But Dewey’s deversion has done more than make him even MORE determined to prove himself to Scrooge whose just trying to NOT loose the son of the daughter he lost...

The Merducks have taken up residence in the bathroom, so they have to make a pitstop. Scrooge, CLEARLY forgetting how to take a trip with children, wasn’t prepared for this but they find a frieghter and make a stop. Naturally it’s GLOMGOLD’S freighter, where his sub took off from, and he and his minons including Donald find Scrooge using the bathroom.. and the boys to Donald’s rage. Unfortunately saying ‘I’ll kill him” to a raging sociopath who takes that as a sign to kill ALL of them, isn’t a smart move. 

So while Donald tries to plan to keep his family alive, said family arrives in Atlantis with a great bit of Scrooge trying to give a big speech only for them to see it first and ooh and ah. They touch down in the city.. which is flip turned upside down. Scrooge notes hti is odd but is able to read the hieroglypchs even upside downa nd notes there’s tones of deadly traps and that they shoudl stay back and..

Huey: Dewey ran in as soon as you said traps. 

So while Scrooge tries to prevent dewey loosing his head, Donald prevents launchpad loosing his and makes up an excuse about “if their dead now we can’t tourture them later” to cover his ass. Glomgold is impressed.  Dewey is Dewcipointed that the traps are upside down, though he does trigger some snakes that get launchpad. He’s fine just delirious. And possibly slowly dying but the fact he’s lived this long is a miracle. Maybe that’s why he’s missing for most of season 3 part 2, the snake venom caught up to him and drake and fenton need to find the cure. Anyways the rest of the party stays behind while Scrooge chases after Dewey, who naturally runs ahead AGAIN. 

Donald ducks out to use the bathroom, as Dewey tries the old dance through the laser grid routine.. but forgets the part where your supposed to actually avoid it, leaving it to an unseen Donald to stop the fire traps from barbqueing his boy. IT’s a really awesome sequence that shows off Donald’s still got it even if he dosen’t want it.  Scrooge naturally works smarter not harder and simply ziplines above like a badass and berates Dewey when he tells him he took “The easy way”

“Why would you want to take the hard way?” The argument that’s been brewing all episode bubbles up and once again both sides have a point: Scrooge rightfully points out Dewey’s being reckless, has no experince and needs to listen to Scrooge and learn something. Dewey claps back that Scrooge isn’t TEACHING them, just teling them to get behind him while he does things instead of trying to actively mentor them. He outright told them he was going to teach them so while Dewey’s been a wee bit overbearing, he’s right in being disappointed that Scrooge instead just wants them to be safe. I see it as his subconscious acting up: He wants and needs the kids along and is right ot keep them safe.. but is too scared to properly mentor them after what happened to Della and is just trying not to loose anybody. His methods have been right, to keep them safe.. he’s just been so determined to save them, he can’t properly TEACH them so he won’t have to forever or explain WHY. And given the First Adventure shows that while protective he did eventually let Della and Donald pull their weight.. but here he lost so much between adventures.. he just can’e bear loosing them. Dewey also rightfully points out he just lumps them together which in any other version wouldn’t be an issue, until the reboot I had no idea which one was which here? They have distinct outfits and personalities and you had 17 hours to actually get to know them. Probably less given the shortcut but still, several hours at a minimum. It’s things like this that make the series work: while there’s plenty of internal conflicts, at their best their nuanced ones, where if one character is clearly in the wrong they have a reason, and if both are right both are also a bit wrong, versus the original where it’d be scrooge or the boys grabbing the asshole ball at times (Not always mind you but when they did it was insufferable. 

However they don’t have time to argue as the bridge goes out and Glomgold finds donald.. and another way around as a result and gets to the treasure first. Scrooge notices they have donald but once again Dewey charges in 

“Unhand my uncle” “No” “Okay wasn’t prepared for that”

Naturally both sides are a bit livid, Donald for dragging his boys into danger after being part of the reason his sister is on the moon right now, and Scrooge for working with one of his greatest eneimies.. though Scrooge has less ground to stand on because as Donald points out “I can’t keep track of ALL of your sworn enemies” I mean he has lived like .. 200 years. That’s a long enemies list and Glomgold, while the most persistent, isn’t exactly the most dangerous they probably encountered. Given the guy’s an artist with Bombs and Sharks that does say a lot about how badass Scrooge is.. and how incompitent glomgold usually is. He’s just having an on day today I guess. 

Glomgold naturally holds Donald hostage, takes what is suppsidley the jewel and leaves them to drown to death, hitting a wall to let it start leaking. HIs minons run into the rest of the heroes and a fight breaks out while naturally Donald, after even more naturally getting his ass stuck in a hole, literally, rails out at Scrooge for doing this telling him “I knew I couldn’t trust you and” “This is the spear of selene all over again”

Scrooge’s only response is “I was not responsible for the Spear of Selene!”

Dude you still paid for the rocket. While Della shoulders most of the blame, SHE choose to take an untested rocket, SHE choose not to come back during the turbulence YOU still built it and hid it from donald and didn’t make sure she couldn’t just take off in it. Your both to blame. And as I mentioned earlier to the least extent but still an extent, so was Donald telling his grown, adult sister whose as stubborn as she is what she could and couldn’t do. He had the right idea and was the only person trying to be an adult here in this situation.. but he still took the wrong approach with stopping her. Still he got far more ground to stand on than Scrooge, who also took his nephews out. Dewey stops both by pointing out that while yes Scrooge took them on an adventure he’s been doing NTOHING but keeping him safe and most of it was his fault which disarms donald a bit. Though Dewey is quickly distracted.. but for once by an obersvation: the gem glowing above thaem that glowed when they entered... and since the city got flipped turned upside down.. THAT’S the real jewel. Dewey asks Donald ot let it flood so they can get it and begs his uncle to trust him despite his doubts which he does. They get it and everyone’s okay and even more when they reunite with the others they find they’ve handily beaten them. To me this is where donalds walls go down a bit: he realizes he’s been smothering the kids, and that while he may hate his uncle for good reason... he’s not going to make the same mistake with them and while he lied.. Don probably realized if Scrooge had been honest Donald would never have let them go. He can trust him.. and he can trust his kids will be alright without him. 

So Glomgold naturally leaves his minions to die, but our heroes manage to make it to the sub, and Gabby asks if they can bum a ride. Not wanting to do any murders they agree. On the surface Glomgold is showing off his jewel, only for Scrooge to upstage him second’s later with the real jewel, and point out his is “nice but defintly cursed”... and right on cue Glomgold gets dragged off with an octopus and let’s off his first “Curse you mcduck!”. Scrooge offers clean water and power thorugh it, for a price because of course he does, and has offically made his grand comeback. 

We get back to Webby’s subplot, as she’s confronted by Beakly.. who naturally being a former spy easily figured it out immieditely but is only upset her grandaughter lied to her. And even at that she dosen’t raise her voice or anything about the matter, knowing it’d only make her feel worse and getting that her grandaughter needs to see the world and that much like donald, she walled her up to prevent loosing what little she had left. And since being with Scrooge is safe as with her, she can go with him anytime just tell her first kay? They hug. Awwww. 

Donald likewise apologizes, admitting that whatever has passed, he misjudged his uncle here and while not forgiving him yet, is at least willing to let him back into his life and into the boys.. on holidays and stuff at least. But fate forces his hand.. or rather his 10 year old nephew-son having left the engine on and neither having turned it off, meaning his boat goes boom and is in no liveable condition. But Scrooge has the space in his heart and mansion for them.

So as we close the kids help move the artifacts all around the house instead of just the garage while Launchapd drops the boat. While clearing out Dewey notices the painting from earlier.. and finds part of it was flipped over...

“Mom?!” 

Now keep in mind, while nowadays Della’s inclusion in the show is one of the most famous and treasured parts of the show.. back then this was a fucking shock. Disney never really cared about the boys mother and outside of one comics story never really went into what happened. So the fact she was not only an actual important part of the plot but we’d find out was a HUGE wham moment and left my jaw dropped after seeing the episode. Like I would with the finales I had read no spoilers and had no idea this was coming but damn was it a huge and welcome suprise and how far they’d take it and how much they’d flesh her out was an even bigger one. Easily one of the best big reveals i’ve ever seen. The only better one I can think of from this series itself... is the end of season 2. But that’s for another time. 

Final Thoughts on Woo-Ooo!:

This two parter/hour long special.. is still one of the episodes best and easily one of the best pilots. It does slow down a bit in pacing in the second half, but otherwise is just an immaculate , beautiful pilot movie that introduces and fleshes out all 8 main characters, maybe Launchpad the least but enough to still work, gives us some big mysteries to work out, and even throws in Glomgold’s first apperance. It sets the tone, reverent and adventuerous but also with it’s own weird and wacky sense of humor and world building, and universe perfectly. I .. don’t have much else to say really it’s just THAT good and really worth checking out. If you somehow haven’t seen it go watch it and if you haven’t seen it in a while might be worth a rewatch before the finale. The absolutely perfect start to an amazing ride. 

Next on the Della Arc: Dewey and Webby try to figure out where Della is while Louie learns a valuable life lesson and  pisses off a killer robot along the way.

Next on the Blog: Amphibia Season 2 is back! 

Until then if you liked this review follow for more and if you could please support me on patreon. Even a buck a month helps and juicy stretch goals give you na incentive to contirbute. We’re 5 bucks away from 20 dollars a month which means a review of super ducktales and a Darkwing Duck review EVERY. MONTH. So contribute now! Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure. 

[bastillewolf]

The Grand Tranquility Hotel (XIII)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: An eccentric hotel owner and an inquisitive writer find solace in each other when they both seemed to be at the edge of rock bottom.

Notes: My 100th post! Also, I’d planned on making this one chapter since it’s the last song left on the album, but writing it made me realize it was getting far too long. So, I split it. Hope you’re all doing well. Enjoy!

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list.

@edgythought​​ @iwannabemorethanme​​ @he4rtbre4khotel​​ @juga-42​

Chapter XIII - Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino (Pt. I)

5 YEARS LATER…

 “Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, this is Mark speaking. Please tell me, how may I direct your call?”

“Yes, hi!” She quickly informed him of her name. “I was wondering if I could book a room at your residence? If possible, sometime soon.”

A moment of silence passed over the line.

“O-Of course, madam. It would be our pleasure. Would two weeks from now work?”

“Perfect. I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying. Oh, and I’m bringing someone, if that’s alright.”

“That’s won’t be an issue.”

“And- Could you do me a favour?”

“Anything, madam.”

“Could you book me into room 521?”

“Certainly.”

 She glanced down at her suitcase, taking a deep breath, before slamming the top down and sitting on it to be able to zip it shut. She had packed it to the brim, an unusual habit she’d started showing ever since she’d had to visit random book signings she would only know the location of later during the day. She had spent a while traveling, thus having this quirk grow into something more of a routine.

Her driver had been watching her struggle silently, noting the way she was fumbling with her hands as she put her coat on and nearly dropped her purse for the third time. When she finally looked up at him, he did his best to give her a reassuring smile.

“Are you ready to go, miss?” Matthew asked her. She nodded.

He held the door open for her as usual.

 The building was one she’d seen before on a picture, but only briefly, and she had to admit that she had underestimated the sheer size of it. It was not looming in any way; it was a place you’d walk into expecting to have fun. She could compare it to a billboard; massive, with bright flashy neon lights and something about it that made you turn your head to look at it.

The entrance hallway was decorated with a brightly coloured carpet and simplistic wooden furniture, and it was busy. People were gathered around in little clusters here and there, most likely just having arrived and others meeting up with friends. She was a bit relieved to see that the face behind the counter was not a familiar one, because she still hadn’t decided how ready she was to be in the situation she was today.

“Welcome to the Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino,” the clerk said most enthusiastically. “How may I be of service?”

She tried her best not to pull her nose up at the way he said it, instead opting for a polite introduction. “I’d called the other day; I’d asked for room 521?”

He decidedly blinked at her, before his gaze wandered her up and down, almost as if to check if she was really who she was claiming to be. Finally, when her brow lifted impatiently, he settled with believing her, because he said, “Of course, miss. I absolutely loved your book, by the way. If I may be so bold, would you sign my copy for me one of these days?”

“Of course,” she put up a polite smile, “You’ll know where to find me.”

Matt appeared behind her, lowering their suitcases to the floor. “Sorry I took so long. Couldn’t find a spot.”

“That’s alright,” she muttered, as he eyed the young clerk behind the counter suspiciously.

“Our sincere apologies, sir,” the boy told him, “The hotel is working on the plans to expand the parking lot.”

“Working on the plans? How difficult is it to expand a parking lot?” Matt quipped back, leaving the clerk trying to form a sputtering sentence which mostly consisted of a lot of uhms and buts. He rolled his eyes at the employee, simply reaching out with an open palm. “Just give me the keys.”

“H-Have a nice stay, miss. And to your mister, of course!”

She had no time to reply, for Matt was already guiding her to the elevator with his hand on her lower back. “You didn’t have to be so rude, Matthew.”

“I wouldn’t have to be so rude if they hired better staff at this hotel.”

“He barely said anything. You’re biased.”

“It was the way he was looking at you. I didn’t like it.”

She huffed, hitting his arm.

 “Are you joining me for dinner or are you going to sulk in this room for the entirety of our stay?” she asked as she glanced over herself in the mirror one last time. She’d put on something a bit fancier, having known beforehand what kind of restaurant the hotel housed. Luxury food for the luxury people.

“Those are two big varieties in time,” Matt commented from his strewn-out position on his bed, “I know I’m not joining you tonight, but I don’t know what I’ll be doing for the rest of the week. I’m not a fortune teller.”

“I know you’re not a fortune teller, otherwise you’d throw out some bullshit that you foresee that you will join me in other activities and then it never happens. Just promise me you’ll be a bit more productive. Join me on walks, you can bring out your camera.”

“We’ll see,” he said, as she walked out the door.

 Dinner for one, such a common theme for her during her life. When she lived on her own a while away from her family, she used to enjoy going to restaurants by herself. No one there to chatter her ears off, no one to take her attention away from the delicious food she didn’t have to cook for herself. She’d done it quite often, and still thoroughly enjoyed it.

Especially considering the fact that she had a best-seller book and a lot of people now knew her name, she couldn’t say she’d ever been denied a seat at a restaurant. Up until now, when a familiar man with a frantic look on his face was glaring down at his clipboard, going through people’s names and reservations.

“I’m very sorry, madam, but I’m afraid all of our tables are reserved. We could provide you with complementary room service, though-“ The sound of his voice had died down quietly during the moment he’d looked up at her and recognition had befallen him. His eyes softened momentarily, his hand wavering over the clipboard he was holding. They inspected each other, and both felt a mutual warm blanket of familiarity and respect surround them, as two old friends would.

Though it had only been a few years, he had changed a lot. Not so much in appearance; still sporting the long, curly bush of hair resting on his slim shoulders, which were covered by a velvety suit jacket. It was in the way he held himself. He looked so very much more confident, if not relaxed. The dark circles under his eyes were no longer as prominent as they used to be, and he radiated a hospitality any clerk could only dream of having.

“I could always just sit on the floor,” she said, her lips quirking up facetiously.

Nick smiled warmly at her in turn. “Actually, I think we’ll manage. If you’ll follow me, miss.”

He guided her through rows of tables holding chattering people, most adorned with a crystal glass of alcohol in their hands, seemingly in a state of pure and utter rich bliss. They reminded her of the very people she’d slandered at a particular gathering. She noticed them catching glimpses of her through the corners of their eyes, telling each other ‘don’t turn around, but there’s this-‘ or something of the sort. Because they knew what kind of person you had to be to get into an already packed restaurant.

She loathed them as much as they loathed her.

“Here we are,” Nick announced, pulling her out of her daze. He snapped his fingers, and she’d almost burst out laughing at the comical gesture until a few of the personnel came running through a door, carrying a table and chair, amongst a few other things. And in a flurry of motion, they’d set her in front of the window, adorned her place with the most intricate cutlery and dishware she’d ever seen, and had even poured a small amount of champagne for her to try.

When she’d agreed to the sparkling gold that slid smoothly down her throat and her glass was filled generously, they were gone as quickly as they’d come. She’d barely had time to get comfortably settled in her chair, or even blink.

Nick smirked at her clear state of disarray. She hadn’t changed a bit, and it made him more than happy.

In the time of her absence, Nick had seen a lot of people he’d known change. Some for the better, some for worse. It had hurt him to see it all. And thus, knowing it was her in particular that had her familiar ways rooted so deeply into the ground and still stood tall, made that wave of nostalgia something he wanted to cherish.

“I hope you didn’t have to cancel any reservation for this?” she wondered, “This table has such a good view.”

“Not at all, miss. Only the famous and our regulars get a special treatment.”

“And I am?”

“Both, really,” he replied with a playful lift of his brow.

She snorted, “Not as famous as you’d think, Nicholas. And certainly not a regular.”

“You are a regular to us, miss. You always will be.”

He made her heart flutter, drowning out the initial worry she’d come in with. “I suppose you’re too busy to join me, then?”

“Unfortunately, I am. But I will ask our head chef if he has time to go over the menu with you, and keep you a bit of company.”

She hummed, “That would be nice. Thank you, Nicholas.”

 Her gaze wandered over the many faces in the room, her ears filled with their nonsensical blathering, barely being able to make out the faint jazz band seated on the stage a little end away from her. She glanced down at her worn golden watch; the same one she’d carried around all those years ago. It was time for her medication, and if the time hadn’t told her so, the noticeably increasing pounding in her head certainly did. She plucked the bottle out of her purse, took one out, and threw it back quickly with a gulp of water. They never really worked, but a part of her always hoped they would. It was one of her last options, and even her doctor was getting frustrated.

She noticed him before he did her. And he looked good.

He was dressed in a black chef’s uniform, which looked like it had come straight out of dry-cleaning. Not a spot of grease or grime to be seen, yet his sweaty forehead which he quickly ran his handkerchief over told her he was still as hardworking as ever. Chef Cook, read in a red italic on the front of his shirt.

His blue orbs met hers and held a giddy sense of surprise to see her. He rushed over to her table, ignoring every singly person asking to have a word with him about his commendable food, and didn’t hesitate to give her a tight hug. Everyone who had tried to grasp his attention looked rather appalled.

She pulled back from him with twinkling eyes. “Look at you,” she muttered, “Chef Cook. All professional and organized.”

He huffed, “Professional, I certainly strive to be. Organized? I don’t think that’s possible. Not in my kitchen, at least.”

He took a seat right next to her, provided by one of the same waiters that had set her table up for her. “It’s good to see you again, miss. I’m really sorry I haven’t had the chance to call. It’s been a very hectic few years.”

She shook her head, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Jamie. I can tell how busy you’ve been, and how much it has payed off. It makes me happy to just see you doing well.”

“But it’s not an excuse to not have been able to thank you for what you’ve done for us,” he insisted.

“You would’ve been fine without me,” she waved him off, “The book only gave you a bit more publicity. The rest you did yourselves. Besides, I completely understand if certain… regulations made you refrain from calling me. That’s not your fault, either.”

He held a look of guilt; a similar one she’d seen at another time, another place. “Even if there were, I should’ve just picked up the phone. I just- I just didn’t think you’d want to talk to us again after the last time we saw each other…”

She furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why?”

“We certainly didn’t do much to speak on behalf of your honour, miss. I didn’t have words to describe what I was feeling, and I couldn’t say I was ready to defend you in that moment. And yet I wonder, after all of that, how you still managed to write any good about us lot.”

She placed her hand on his back comfortingly. “You did what you thought was right. I did something awful and have spent the past five years trying to make up for it. I’m only glad you still want to talk to me.”

“How could I ever not want to talk to you?” He smiled, “You’re our favourite guest.”

 They talked about a whole lot. He told her about how he met his wife shortly before the grand opening of the new hotel, and how they’d gotten married in the spring only a few months ago. He told her of how he had struggled with the new position he’d been given, considering it had been a while since he’d had actual staff work underneath him, let alone this many. And he told her of how he’d gotten through the reestablishment with the support of his family and friends, and how he often thought back on the old hotel, which still remained a hidden gem.

She informed him of how she’d gotten quite a few offers on the previous script of her book, though most of them seemingly more interested in the gossip than her actual story. When she felt she found the right company, she’d set the record straight that all earnings go to the hotel itself, which Jamie confirmed.

“The, uh- The boss didn’t want it at first. As you can imagine. But I knew you wouldn’t take the money back, so we had the old bathhouse in the Grand Tranquility Hotel restored. You should come see it sometime, it’s beautiful.”

“I’d love to,” she replied genuinely, “I’d hoped that old ruin would get its life back some day. It’s a place I hold dear in my heart.”

Jamie nodded in understanding. He hesitated, and she noticed the question lingering on his lips.

“Spit it out,” she huffed.

He smiled awkwardly, glancing up at her with his bright orbs. “How’s Matt been?”

She let out a sigh. “He’s been okay. Has been acting as my chauffeur, mostly, though he knows I can drive perfectly fine myself. He’s still looking for a job that holds his interest for longer than a few weeks.”

He nodded, reaching over to scratch the back of his head. “Is he here, too?”

“He is. We share a room.”

“Has- Does he ever mention us?”

She blinked. “No.”

She watched as his shoulders slumped in anguish, quickly adding, “But I know he thinks about you a lot. And that he misses you, even though he’s too stubborn to admit it. It will take him a while to be able to realize what he really needs and wants.”

He didn’t perk up much, but he gave a noise of acknowledgement that told her he’d at least taken her words into consideration.

“So,” she started, “how outrageous would it be if I asked you to make me a cheeseburger?”

He smirked. “Probably be the least outrageous request I’ve ever gotten from a guest, miss. Coming right up.”

 Her walk back to her room was slow, her belly not allowing her to take the long strides she would usually take. Her face felt slightly warm from the buzz of champagne, which she admittedly drank more of than planned, and her chest was full with happiness.

The people she’d been so anxious to meet had accepted her back with open arms, and it was a wave of gratitude and ease that had washed over her since then.

The moment she’d stopped in front of her door and glanced down at her watch, however, was not a moment of joy. She had forgotten her keys, and it was late, meaning Matt had most likely already fallen asleep. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, rubbing her eyes tiredly. There was no way she was going to bang on the door only for other guests to wake up and file noise complaints. Resting her head against the wooden surface, she thought about her unfortunate circumstance, and wondered how people did that trick with their credit card to break in.

Just as she was about to consider committing a felony, her ears caught the click of a door opening and a pair of feet shuffling until they momentarily wavered.

She met the chocolate brown eyes she hadn’t seen in five years.

Happy birthday, Miles <3

[hunterguyveriv]

Swamp Thing Season 1, episode 7 thoughts:

Today’s episode was just simply beautiful and sad between Alec and Abby in a way you could only expect it to end the way it did. It had so many lying implications between the 2, then one can realize besides the whole “Protagonist not wanting to lose the one he loves.”

Don’t get me wrong I’ve wanted a Swamp Thing & Abby Arcane live action done right since I saw “The Return of Swamp Thing” in 1989/1990. But I just love the whole dynamic being stretched nearly to a near-fatal breaking point.

Accepting Alec - My thoughts on this is just a jumbled mess; it hurts: Accepting Alec played a massive part in this episode. Unlike the Abby Arcanes of the past - The Alan Moore Saga, The Return of Swamp Thing, or the New-52, or even the cartoon mini-series - it has taken her longer to accept Alec as Swamp Thing. Even after she learned from Susie, it was Alec the only time they really touched was briefly when she was suffering from the Darkness-Hallucinogens, and when he showed her what happened to Shawna. It wasn’t until after he tried saving her the Alec Holland-Way failed and had to save her the Swamp Thing-Way that she finally seemed to accept him for what he was now, even though she still wants to find a way to revert him back to human. 

I think the whole hallucination-power was a way to see what they truly wanted. He wanted to remain Alec for her and tried to give up the Swamp Thing persona, but came to the conclusion that if he did things the Alec Holland-Way, he was helpless. Abby also showed that she genuinely wanted Alec back to the way he was, but I am starting to think that was working against them. Think about it, in the previous he said he worried that accepting his new situation would take him further away from her, but they remained at least 10 feet apart from each other. 

Except for the few instances of him touching her, they always seem to have had some distance between them. Even weary on letting the other touch each other. But yet after the pollen made him look like Alec to her, it seemed like they were more willing to be close to one another even touch each other. More so after he fought The Rot off in her body. Up until this time, part of their relationship seemed very superficial on Abby’s part, but one can also argue that it was also superficial on Alec’s side, to want to be seen as “The Charming Man she knew.”

Ugh… I gotta get off this bit, or I am going to keep going turning this into an essay and want to bash my head in trying to wrap my mind around these thoughts.

Abby’s Purpose: In all of Swamp Thing, except for the cartoon mini-series and the 90s Live Action series which I can't remember if she was in it or not, Abby Arcane has always been his heart - his humanity if you will. She was the only one in the Alan Moore saga to keep reminding him of his humanity. That it didn’t matter if he was a sentient plant being with Alec Holland’s consciousness, in her eyes, he WAS Alec Holland. In the New-52 even after he became Swamp Thing and she became sensitive to “The Rot” and showed that she had Rot-Powers, she still reminded him of his humanity.

When he has been at the lowest or darkest point in his life, she would always be there to help him.

So far even though it is a mere fraction of what she has done compared to her comic book counterparts, she does seem genuinely vested to be that support he so desperately needs. She like her comic counterparts, even though she had trouble seeing him as Alec up until last weeks episode - she has always reminded him that he is Alec Holland. (which for the most part to us the viewers we don’t know if he IS STILL Alec Holland like the New-52 Alec who was dying from his wounds in which the Green turned him into the Warrior-King Swamp Thing or a Sentient Entity of the Green with his consciousness). But even if we do learn what continuity they decide to use, she NEEDS to be there for him, regardless of him not wanting her in the swamps of Marais. I just hope with the series being unfortunately canceled (and not being picked up elsewhere by the looks of it so far) it is done in a proper manner that doesn’t make it campy or they kill Abby off. I do want to see her in grievous danger, in which Swampy and possibly Daniel come to her aid.

A little off topic I do hope to see that they go the Alan Moore route, one that scene is just so powerful in the comics. This because after Woodrue mind-fucks him at Sunderland’s corporation building and deals with Woodrue, he searches for the body and buries it cutting ties to “the person who was once Alec” and was so resistant against Abby calling him Alec for the longest time - till he said she could. But that being said there is another reason why I hope they go this route and explore whether Swamp Thing is Alec Holland or not. I am a Guyver fan, in which death is no big deal to Guyvers because they regenerate newer bodies after their control medals have been ripped out of their heads. They very haphazardly explored the whole “If a the Guyver regenerates a newer body, is the person that same person or a shell of that person with their memories?”

Living as Alec & Alec’s Helplessness?: I kind of liked the idea that even though he was still Swamp Thing, and appeared to Abby as Alec, I liked how they did it. After a recent second viewing of yesterday’s episode, I think they (producers and writers) meant it to be like a test to not just Abby (in seeing if she could genuinely accept Alec the way he is) but a test for Alec. Earlier I mentioned the Alec Holland-Way, I think even as Swamp Thing he really wanted to live life as Alec would have. He also tries to desperately save Abby as Alec would have against the Rot, until realizing it wasn’t going to work out.

Now some of you may be saying, “whoa there, that doesn’t mean he is helpless!” But in doing things, the Alec-Way also contributed to Abby getting attacked by that tendril. As Swamp Thing, he would have possibly been able to stop that thing from punching her in the first place. Which even though I say that, I kind of like the idea of Alec struggling with the tendril, because in the New-52 continuity. For those wondering it was established that he begins to lose his power in areas profoundly affected by the Rot. Trying to live as Alec would have possibly weakened his power even more, because as Avatar of the Green, even in Rot Infested areas he should have been able to get it off of her and rip it to shreds.

A return to The Return of Swamp Thing?: I have to admit I loved Alec and Abby in the swamp together walking through it like a couple in love (Someone PLEASE do a video of Swamp Thing/Alec and Abby to this song when the series is over- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFmisnHehtg. It would make us Swamp Thing/Abby Old-Timers with no music video making knowledge happy). It was very reminiscent of Dick Durock’s and Heather Locklear’s wandering the swamp to me, even heard their original theme in my head during their scenes. 

Abby’s Darkness?: When Alec was desperately trying to save her, what if he merely prolonged something else in her? What if the Tendril was attempting to turn her into an Avatar of the Rot like she was in the New-52 saga? She mentioned “the darkness” in the euphoria of pain, and her skin tone and body started to appear like her new-52 counterpart. Now that being said, what if Alec using the green merely suppressed it? Because it is a possibility, he got a glimpse of the darkness of her own past when he took hallucinogenic-darkness away from her in episode 4. A crack theory I know, but I feel like that scene was supposed to mean something besides Abby getting attack and Swamp Thing dropping the Alec persona to save her. 

These are all the thoughts that have been running through my head and have plagued me for the last 15 hours @.@ I’m tired, and I don’t want to hurt my brain anymore tonight.

That being said other great highlights of were Maria stealing the Sunderland Company from Avery. Wasn’t overly excited over Lucilia and Matt’s scenes, if anything they have earned what’s coming to them. I still like the dynamic of James Woodrue and Caroline, you can genuinely see that James is so flat out determined to save his wife which kind of mirrors Abby being so committed to saving Alec. 

I do like the scene with Liz and Matt, however, mainly because, that in the Alan Moore Saga (which is like the holy grail of Swamp Thing lore) only 4 people knew of Alec being Swamp Thing before he was captured. Matt Cable, Abby Arcane-Cable, Liz Treymayne, and her husband. Thus far, it seems like the series is genuinely doing all of Swamp Thing (movies, comics, cartoons,   series) true justice while forging itself as a new identity for the Avatar of the Green.

With Abby going back to Atlanta, I can't wait to see scenes of her with Adrienne Barbeux’s Doctor Palomar and Abby together in a scene. Will they make her first name Alice (as in Alice Cable from the 1982 movie) Will Adrienne get a scene with both Swampy and Abby as if to pass the torch on to this new generation of Swamp Thing stars? Will she give Abby some guidance on what to do with particular Swamp creatures (lol)?

But I still have questions!

Where is that Good Boy Garou?

What happened to Susie?

What happened to Margaux?

Anyway, I am finally done with this post. I am off to go listen to some Godzilla movies as I drift off to sleepy land.

[daresplaining]

Matthew Murdoch: The Devil Who Dares!

    Neil Gaiman, Andy Kubert, and Richard Isanove’s 1602 is considered one of the best alternate universe comics Marvel has ever produced. We agree, because among its many admirable qualities, it gifted us with our all-time favorite variant of Matt Murdock. We’ve geeked out about him before, but never in detail, so let’s do this... 

    Matthew Murdoch was a perfectly normal lad, until he ate some green goo off the wall of a cave. 

Caption: “And he wasn’t scared. Not of darkness, and then, when he saw the green glow, not of that. It oozed down the walls, and it seemed to pulse as he looked at it. It burned like green fire. He had never seen anything like it.”

    (Matt, no!)

    Clearly, this wasn’t the type of goo typically found in the wilds of sixteenth-century Ireland, because it changed him in strange and wondrous ways. When young Matt emerged from the darkness of the cave, he discovered that he’d been stricken completely blind-- but that his other senses had been supernaturally enhanced.   

    But he didn’t let this get him down-- which is one of our favorite things about this version of Matt. Given the shortage of lawyers (especially blind ones) during this time period, as an adult he became the obvious equivalent: a traveling balladeer, making a living by entertaining drunks in pubs all over Europe.    

Matt (singing): “So the bosun he ups and he says to Sir Reed, My crew they are shaking with fear, So we’ll take to the boats and we’ll wave you goodbye... for we’re leaving the four of you here, you here, We’ll leave every one of you here...”

Natasha: “I’ll give you a penny to stop singing, Matthew.”

    But of course, this is Matt... who has exciting secrets in every universe.

Foggy: “Master Murdoch? [...] It’s been five years you’ve been using my ship. I was wondering why you travel.”

Matt: “I travel to see the sights, Captain.”

Foggy: “[...] I was wondering... Y’see... A sailor I met, a lowlander, told me of a time that he and several others tried to rob a blind Irish balladeer, in a port town, at night. He said that they were lucky to escape with their lives.”

Matt: “Surely, the same can be said of any fellow who asks too many questions, Captain.”

    Matthew Murdoch’s cheerful, harmless facade hides a stone-cold badass. He uses his career as a wandering nobody as a front for his work as a mercenary and spy. When asked, he puts his hypersenses and physical prowess to use running secret missions for people as high up as Sir Nicholas Fury, Queen Elizabeth’s personal advisor. None of his clients know how he does what he does, or quite understand who-- or what-- he is. They just know that he gets results.  

Peter: "Do you need light, sir?”

Matt: “If I wanted light, I’d ask for it, boy. Now, throw it here, Fury, toward my voice.”

Peter: “[...] What-- what manner of thing was that, sir?”

Fury: “A man, or so I believe. I have my own ideas about who and what he is, but I daresay they’re wrong. And I am merely grateful to the providence that led him to work for me, rather than for the Queen’s enemies.”

    All of this is pretty standard Matt Murdock-ness, and we unconditionally love all versions of him. But what makes this Matt extra fun is his lack of obvious baggage. There’s nothing wrong with baggage. Baggage is great. But it’s a delight to read about a Matt with this much cockiness, swagger, and joi de vivre. He’s just out there kicking butt and backflipping across seventeenth century Europe, and occasionally breaking into song. That, right there, is a winning formula. 

Donal: “Matthew? [...] How will we get down to the courtyard?”

Matt: “Well, the way I see it, we have two options. We could call a guard, talk him into opening the cell door, overpower him, go down through the castle-- hiding, fighting, all that... but it’s an awful lot of work. So let’s do it the easy way.”

Donal: “Which is?”

Matt: We wrap your chains around me... and you hold very tight... while I think about how much easier something like this is to do without chains or a passenger.”

    Plus, we’ll always love the fact that, though he doesn’t wear a devil costume in this time period (for obvious reasons), his hair sometimes sticks up in such a way that it resembles horns. 

King James: “Who's there?”

Matt: “Just a devil in the dark, Jimmy.”

    Matthew Murdoch has been woefully underused in the years since he was created-- despite the existence of several other 1602-verse comics. The only other place he’s appeared since his introduction was in Inhumans: Attilan Rising, a Secret Wars II tie-in from a few years ago. We recommend that series (and 1602, of course), while we eagerly await the day when more writers will realize/remember just how great this version of Matt is, and integrate him into more stories. 

Karnak: “Focus on survival, Murdoch, not theatrics!”

Matt: “Come now, Karnak. What is life... without theater?”

Inhumans: Attilan Rising #3 by Charles Soule, John Timms, and Frank D’Armata

[hellaintthatbad]

Tom’s Diner: a klance fanfiction

based on the song Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega

link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whbabi7KA-8

I am sitting in the morning

Keith likes the mornings here. They're all quiet but also rushed, everybody either is too tired or too much of in a hurry to even start conversation.

At the diner on the corner

The Altean was a cozy diner, everything was made to be comfortable and yet functional. Due to its placement, two walls were made out of glass and let in sunlight. The window seats were the most favored, even in winter or with bad weather.

The tables were clean and the floor was wiped, stools and booths showing signs of usage and nervous customers and the entire room smelt like coffee and molten chocolate. It was a good smell. I am waiting at the counter

The counter was long and wooden and showed so many signs of usage, they outnumbered the stars. When Keith was bored, he would try to see constellations within them.

The wood polish savored all the little markings for other generations and allowed new ones to join them in the eternal fight against time.

A man on a window seat was sipping on his still steaming coffee while reading a book. Keith tried to read the title inobtrusively, but was too far away. The man looked intrigued though.

For the man to pour the coffee

Another reason why Keith likes this place so much is Shiro.

The guy is taller than him and about five years older, but he treats Keith like a brother, like an equal, and not like a child. He also makes the best coffee in town.

They've met at the diner actually, it was raining heavily and Keith was looking for his cat when he saw her in here, being fed a piece of meat by Shiro. The man had provided both of them with towels and a meal and sat with the boy until the rain stopped. Since then, Keith visited every day, and when the weather was good, Red would join him.

Today was no such day.

And he fills it only halfway

Keith needs his coffee or he becomes a zombie. Everybody who knows him for about a few hours knows that. And today, Keith hasn't had any coffee before came here. It's an emergency for him. And so, when Shiro lowers his mug, which is not even close to being full enough, the boy is enraged.

And before I even argue

Keith sucks in a breath, ready to question him, but he sees a glimmer in Shiro's eyes. That can only mean one thing.

He is looking out the window

Keith follows Shiro's eyes to the window front. As the reason for Shiro's joyful eyes lifts one hand to the doorknob of the diner, the man's whole face lightens up, a grin scrunching up that scar right across his face and making him seem like a puppy that sees a treat.

Keith hopes someone would look at him like that one day.

At somebody coming in

Shiro hurries to finish Keith's coffee (thankfully he hasn't dropped it) and quickly swipes the counter clean, putting cups and mugs in order and leans elegantly on the counter, right in time for them to close the door and turn around.

"It is always nice to see you"

"Hey. The usual?"

Before they can answer, Shiro is already picking up a mug and turns on one of the machines. He works fast and precisely and Keith starts to wonder if he practiced making that particular drink so elegantly like a dancer would practice until their muscles memorize the step.

Says the man behind the counter

Shiro seems to control the coffee machine telepathically because, just as he reaches out for the handle, the machine finishes the drink.

That man knows what he is doing.

To the woman who has come in

Shiro places the mug on the counter, along with a pink donut. "It's on me"

"Shiro, you're going poor if you continue to give me food for free!"

"Matt, for you, I'd even sell Keith to your cousin. I'm serious."

Keith would have protested if Shiro hadn't used his 'big brother in need' look on him.

She is shaking her umbrella

Matt only sighs, followed by a often repeated sentence. "You need an umbrella stand."

And so, because there is no umbrella stand, he reopens the door and shakes his umbrella outside, which is not helping much, because, well, it's raining.

Shiro chuckles and adds a small cookie to the donut.

And I look the other way

Matt gives up and leans the now even wetter umbrella against the glass next to the door.

As he frees himself of his coat, Keith already suspects what is coming and directs his eyes back to the counter, back to his coffee and back to the constellations.

As they are kissing their hellos

Matt gives Shiro not more than a quick peck on the lips before he picks up his donut and guides it towards his mouth.

Shiro however has other plans, he takes his face into his hands and indulges the other's mouth in a kiss, one that says 'I missed you', one that says 'How was your day', one that says 'You are so beautiful', but most importantly, one that says 'I love you'. It was one that would make other people blush and wish they could kiss someone this way.

I'm pretending not to see them

Keith is one of those people who blushes at that kiss.

He is one to wish that they can kiss each other like that forever.

He is one to wish that they kiss like that at their wedding.

He is one to wish that he could kiss someone like that.

He is one to wish that someone will choose him to kiss like that.

And he is not one to call "Get a room!".

And he is not one to stare at them full of jealousy.

And he is not one to destroy their happiness due to his own discomfort.

Instead I pour the milk

A droplet of milk falls on the counter as Keith makes his coffee brown instead of black. The droplet splashes and paints white dots on the wood.

 A constellation just became the Milky Way.

I open up the paper

After cleaning up the milk with a handkerchief, Keith is beginning to ask Shiro for a new as he sees that he could as well talk to wall. Shiro is completely engulfed in a conversation with Matt.

So Keith sighs and picks up one of the newspapers that lay at the end of the counter.

There's a story of an actor

Keith turns the pages around without really paying attention to what they say.

Who had died while he was drinking

Alcohol makes people weird. Some people are nicer than usual. Some are more talkative. Some cry and stop for minor things. And some become violent.

Keith's father was one of the latter, so when he wanted to drive while being drunk, Keith hadn't stopped him. Sure, it was morally quizzing for him but the sight of freedom was bigger than the guilt of a dead father who didn't even remember to come to his graduation. He hadn't even apologized.

And so Keith wondered, how had the actor been under the influence of alcohol?

It was no one I had heard of

Keith huffed and turned this page too. Why did he care? He neither has known the man nor was he part of the police of some sort of hobby detective.

But the newspaper had to do its services a bit longer, a quick glance told the boy that Shiro was currently making puppy eyes to make Matt do something Keith didn't even want to know.

And I'm turning to the horoscope

Keith believes in horoscopes as much as he believes in Santa Clause or world peace.

But they're funny to analyze. The most generic shit is thrown together, and somehow, virgo was portrayed very annoying. Whoever wrote these, the despised a certain virgo. They were probably a gemini, they had the best day out of the signs. Stupid bastards.

And looking for the funnies

The comic strip next to the horoscopes is even worse. Some generic stuff with a grimace and no pointe. Virgo's horoscope was better.

And just as Keith lays the paper back to the others, his neck's nerves begin to prickle.

When I'm feeling someone watching me

The feeling strengthens, so the boy removes the hair hanging over his neck, but that doesn't do any better. The feeling wouldn't vanish making him look around frantically, hoping to see what's causing his distress.

And so I raise my head

His inconspicuous 'yo, what's up' gaze tells him nothing, so Keith straightens his back [lmao the only straight thing here] and turns around. This gives him a better look at his surroundings and even the people on the street.

There's a woman on the outside

And as Keith gazes towards the window, he sees a boy, presumably his age.

This boy makes the prickle in Keith's neck go away.

This boy makes laughing seem like the easiest thing on earth.

This boy makes the heaviest storm seem like a slight drizzle.

This boy makes Keith's heart skip a beat.

This boy makes Shiro and Matt's kisses irrelevant.

Looking inside does she see me?

And this magnificent boy is looking right into the diner.

Keith forgets to breath.

No she does not really see me

The boy raises his hand.

Keith's hand twitches, as if it wants to respond to a gesture yet to come.

Cause she sees her own reflection

The boy's hand lands in his chocolate brown hair to fix it. A few strands have left their place and refuse to go back.

And Keith's hand feels numb.

And I'm trying not to notice

And while Shiro is rambling to him about how clever Matt is, Keith can't help but to check Window Boy out. Up and down, from the hair that is just the perfect shade to align the probably south-american skin color over the wide baseball shirt and cargos to the worn down, but still fully-functional boots.

Keith is at awe.

That she's hitching up her skirt

The boy now throws both of his arms over his head in frustration.

Which reveals his tummy, or to be precise, a slim, yet muscular form previously hidden by the wide shirt.

A blush becomes visible on Keith's cheeks.

And while she's straightening her stockings

Window Boy tries again and regains control of his hair. By pulling up his jacket's hood.

Her hair has gotten wet

Now two other kids join Window Boy, both with umbrellas and shouting at him. One his huge and just as tanned, but his hair is a warm shade of black. He could as well be an oversized teddy bear. The other figure is smaller than both of them, slim and constantly pushing their glasses up.

Most Beautiful Person In Existence smiles at them and rushes under the big guy's umbrella. Together, they continue walking down the street.

And just as Keith makes his move to turn around, Window Boy flashes him a smile.

And Keith smiles back.

Oh, this rain, it will continue

Keith couldn't stop thinking about that boy. He must be living in this town but Keith hadn't seen him before. No wonder when barely goes to new places.

Shiro becomes overwhelmed when the number of customers grows drastically thanks to the rain and asks Keith to help him. He has watched the man work long enough to know what to do and what not to do, and even more important, how to take no shit from impatient people and just do his work. And both friends are grateful for it.

Through the morning as I'm listening

Keith works next to Shiro for a few hours and even alone for about twenty minutes so Shiro can eat a sandwich Matt has brought him earlier. The mass of people is now subdued so the boy glazes through the window without much interruption.

Suddenly, Window Boy and his friends come in.

Keith stands up straight, ruffles through his hair and pulls on his shirt collar.

"Hi! What can I get for you guys?"

Teddy Bear mumbles something unintelligible and Glasses waves their hands dismissively, but Window Boy steps up and leans on the counter.

"I want, err, a big latte macchiato with extra sugar and cream, a chocolate donut, and, lemme see, oh, your number."

The smile on his lips is infecting and Keith just has to smile back.

While he's making the coffee, he retorts a simple "Is that all?"

The tan boy looks surprised.

"You are really giving me your number? You don't even know my name!"

"Hey, you asked for it! If you don't want it, not my problem."

"Whoa sorry, I'm just surprised it worked! I thought that maybe you already are with someone or something."

Keith just has to laugh at that. "It's okay, jeez, calm down. Here's your food. It's on me. And now hush, before I get fired or something!"

To the bells of the cathedral

Just after about ten minutes, Keith's phone vibrates.

He unlocks it and sees the text from an unknown number.

Hello diner guy heres lat macc with extra cream n sugar guy! actually the names lance, wanna meet up l8r? im free at 3pm+ <3

Lance. That's a nice name. A nice name for him. And before he changes his mind, Keith types a response.

Hey this is diner guy, better known as Keith. Sure, how about at 4:30, in the park near the uni? There's this ice cream shop that's supposed to be really good. xo

Sure thing fam meet me in ther, gonna find u b4 u kno <3

Keith couldn't stop smiling for hours, even as Shiro questions his sanity and complains about the younger one's humming and non-broodiness, which is very unlike Keith.

Keith doesn't care.

I am thinking of your voice...

After lunchbreak rush, Shiro gives Keith some time to eat something too, but Keith's too anxious to do so. This is his first date in a long time and something just doesn't feel right. It didn't end up good the last time he dated. Or the time before that. Or before that (even though that was in middle school and with a girl). No relationship with Keith, romantic or not, ended up good. He was just waiting for his cat to leave him for good and for Shiro to get annoyed and kick him out of the diner, though their friendship is one of the longest Keith ever had.

And so, driven by doubt and bad experiences, he does what every sane and mature human being would do, he straight up calls Lance to cancel the date.

Every beep feels like someone is kicking his ribs.

And the first sound as Lance picks up the call feels like punch in the face.

Keith hangs up.

He takes a deep breath in.

He raises his phone to smash it on the floor like it's the source of his inner struggle.

And just as he is about to smash it on the floor, the phone rings.

Keith drops it like a hot stone.

But as he sees who is calling, he fiddles it up and presses 'answer' like his life depends on it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Keith, it's me, Lance. You called me? Already missing me, eh?"

"No no no, no wait, I mean yes, no, I mean I'm... I'm sorry Lance, I can't do that. I can't meet up with you."

"What man, why? D'you have to work? I mean, another time is fine.."

"No, it's just that I, I, I'm not made for dating and stuff and you shouldn't bother with me, I mean, you could date anyone, you got the looks for it and you're nice and kind and just plain beautiful, fuck did I say that aloud? And honestly, if this was a dare or something just break it off, tell them you got a date with me, whohoo. Like, I don't want to steal your time and..."

"Keith?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop rambling. It's okay if you don't wanna date. Can we still meet up? As friends? I mean, you seemed like a cool guy, a guy I would be happy to call my friend."

"Yeah, ok. Friends. Seems cool. Thank you. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see ya!"

Keith hangs up with a smile on his lips and tears in his eyes.

Friends.

He's friends with Lance.

That's good.

And of the midnight picnic

Keith spends the rest of his break drying his eyes and thinking about what could've been if he wouldn't have acted so selfish.

Lance seemed so pumped about it. About them.

Once upon a time before the rain began...

And Keith imagines what they could've been doing if he wouldn't be so selfish.

He imagines meeting Lance's friends.

He imagines Lance meeting his cat.

He imagines Lance and him visiting Shiro and Matt at the diner.

He imagines being as beautiful as them.

He imagines Lance finding out about his parents and not treating him like he's fragile.

He imagines what he and Lance could be doing.

And feeling like Lance deserves better than him being selfish, he calls Lance.

I finish up my coffee

"Keith?"

"Yeah, hi Lance. Look, I'm sorry about earlier, I was overthinking it and it's definitely not right to dismiss your offer without even meeting properly. I'm sorry."

"Oh thank god, I was feeling rather awkward. But Keith, can we sort out the details later, I'm in the middle of a lecture and my prof is probably getting suspicious why I need so long on the toilet. See you later, 'kay buddy?"

"Yeah, see you, have fun in your lecture!"

And before Keith hangs up, he can hear Lance snort and a door opening.

And this feels even better than when Lance asked for his number.

It's time to catch the train

At 4:15, Keith packs up his stuff, well his phone and jacket, and leaves the diner. Shiro, Matt and Allura, one of the diner's owners, who had joined not two hours ago, wish him fun on his date, hoping he would 'use protection, just as a good employee would', even though he's not really employed by a contract and gets payed with free coffee.

He arrives at sharp 4:30, and as he lifts one hand to open the shop's door, a tan, warm one slides into his other. He looks sideways to the owner of said hand and recognizes one of the best smiles in the whole wide world.

"Hi." It comes out almost inaudible, but Lance is close enough to hear what he means.

"Hello pretty boy. Just one thing first, are you from outer space? 'Cause your body is from outta this world."

"Aaand I'm gone. Sorry, but that line just destroyed any trust I had in you as a human being."

Lance just snickers.

"Would free ice cream change your mind? Or maybe a romantic picnic? Or kittens?"

"You had me at ice cream, but I'm always up for kittens."

They both laugh and enter the ice cream shop, still holding hands and feeling as content in each other's presence as if they hadn't just met, as if they were a couple for years, as if nobody could hurt them as long as they were together.

Pidge gags as the two chatter along and giggle to nonsense.

"Hunk, look at that, Lance is quiet for longer than a minute, quick, gimme the camera!"

The bushes don't give the perfect angle, but that's better than nothing.

And as Keith is distracted by a swan, Lance quickly turns around, shows Pidge and Hunk his middle finger.

And when Lance is showing his middle finger to someone, they certainly know that they should leave immediately.

[it-is-reigning-men]

Something Worth Leaving Behind [Jeff Hardy x Reader Smut]

Request for @imaginelatenight​: Jeff always going in the same club when he is in town, because he has fallen for the barkeeper.

A/N: Made the club a normal bar but it’s basically the same lol! And this turned into sort of a song fic as well because when I started writing this I heard this song on Spotify and thought it just fit with the concept. Sooo, without further ado, please enjoy! No warnings, just plot with smut.

Jeff had always gone to the same bar downtown— whenever he was in town.

Rather than it being a rather weekly experience, it turned into a visit every month or so since he had began his wrestling career. He knew everyone there; from the quirky manager down to the bus boys who always seemed to be cleaning tables. It was a family business, so it wasn’t really surprising.

The place, called Willow’s, by the way, only hired a handful of people not related to them by blood.

One of the lucky few was Y/N.

Jeff remembered clearly the day he met you; it had been almost two months since his last visit (due to a busy schedule and not always having the time to fly all the way back home even on days off) and he’d just gotten out of an argument with Matt. He had been searching for familiar faces and a good couple rounds of beer, but instead, he was greeted by a brand new face — bright eyed and smiling at him.

“Hiya. Can I get you something, sir?”

“Jeff.”

You blinked, the bustle of the bar around you muffling his voice.

“Sorry?”

Jeff cleared his throat, flickering his eyes down at his intertwined hands before looking up again; he realized he was probably staring.

“Jeff, you can call me that.”

You smiled, setting down a couple of shot glasses behind the counter after you finished drying them off.

“Alrighty, Jeff. So how about that drink, huh?”

“Just the house beer, thanks.” He returned the smile.

“Sure thin—”

“Ahem, I’m gonna need to see some ID first.” A lower voice cut in, and the two of you jumped; it was the manager Mr. Willow, wearing one of his ‘boss’ faces.

You gulped, toying with the collar of your grey and black uniform.

“I was about to ask for that,” You squeaked, looking terribly embarrassed.

Mr. Willow narrowed his eyes down at you a moment, but quickly flipped his expression around to a blinding smile. He reached over and clapped Jeff on the shoulder, laughing at Jeff’s furrowed expression.

“Only a joke, only a joke! This is one of our long time customers, kiddo. You should get used to seeing him from time to time.” The taller man addressed you kindly, patting your back once before shaking his head and sauntering away.

A silence passed, odd, since the bar was it’s usual busy lil nook, but it was ended when you took a sharp breath and turned to grab a mug and fill it with beer. You set it down in front of Jeff, the liquid damn near overflowing over the rim.

“Here you are. I’m really sorry about that,” You blurted, unsure as to why you were such a mess tonight. You half hoped you’d never be working whenever Jeff came back, and half hoped you would be working- just so you could make it up to him for being so ditzy.

Your flushed face melted away, however, when Jeff just chuckled and took a sip of the amber liquid— his green eyes peeking over at you as he did. When he set down the glass he licked his lips clean and leaned on the counter.

“What’re you apologizin’ for?”

“Oh, I dunno,” You glanced down the bar to see if any other customers needed anything; they were all otherwise inclined. “It’s just my first week here and I’m already messing up with the simplest things.”

Suddenly the last thing on Jeff’s mind was that stupid argument with Matt; at that time he just wanted to talk to you— you weren’t the same old people he traveled with, you weren’t family, and you weren’t some bumbling fan trying to paw at him. You were terribly worried about tiny things, basically the polar opposite of his high-risk, live for the moment life style.

“Lucky I came into town then,” Jeff rang, taking a shorter swig of his drink.

“Why’s that?” You raised a brow, the subtle things in your facial expressions always the most significant.

“I only come around every few months, next time I come Willow will probably have kicked ya out.”

The shock on your face was straight comical, but Jeff couldn’t stand looking at the mix of concern and offense too long. He swallowed harshly then let out a laugh.

“I’m kidding. I know this place, the Willows hardly ever hire anyone new— if you ain’t family. If Mr. Willow is already making jokes with you, you must be somethin’ real special.”

Your wide eyes stared at him, parted mouth slowly closing. For a moment Jeff thought you were gonna be mad, but all you did was huff and cross your arms, a ghost of a smile reappearing.

“Seems he isn’t the only one making jokes with me, Mr. Jeff,” you sniped, using the name that way simply to drive home the comparison. Jeff decided he liked it when you smirked at him like that.

The rest of that night was sprinkled with the two of you talking whenever you weren’t busy actually doing your job. Since you were still a little on edge, you tried not to just stand around and chat for too long or too often, but nevertheless it was enough.

It was enough for Jeff not to forget about you, and enough for him to look forward to seeing you again.

…

It seemed each time Jeff came back down he found out something new about you that kept him coming back.

One visit he found out you and him had very similar tastes in music. It was during one of the late Saturday Nights in which the bar strayed away from the live music and went for playlists created by the staff (a mix of personal favorites and requests from regulars).

Jeff had already been there around an hour before the Bluesy mix switched into a rock set list— comprised of songs he could say he’d played on repeat on the road. He was unconsciously nodding his head to the beat, swirling his drink in one hand and tapping his fingers on his knee with the other.

“You like that?”

“Hell yeah,” By now he recognized your voice and spun around in his stool to face you. “You too?”

“Well, seeing as this is my playlist, I hope so.” You tightened your ponytail, looking out over the small crowd dancing about. It was your second break, so you had at least 20 minutes to burn, get a snack too.

Jeff seemed a little taken aback at first, setting down his cup and now using both his hands to follow the familiar drums with his palms on his jeans.

“Didn’t take you to be a rocker chick.”

You lolled your head to one side, giving Jeff a side glance.

“And what did you take me to be?”

Jeff shrugged, grinning. “Like, country maybe? Alternative at most.”

You rolled your eyes, getting tired of Jeff always finding a way to ridicule you. It was still a lighthearted conversation, mind you, and you felt more comfortable talking to him as of late.

“I do like country. Just not the twangy-banjo type stuff; and alternative, if you’d believe it.”

“Variety. That’s not a bad thing.” Jeff said, but felt his heart beat a little faster when he saw your eyes snap close and your fingers do a cute little air guitar when it got to the song��s iconic riff.

“Exactly.” You mumbled, smiling and giggling as you dropped your hands, torn between feeling brave and shy.

There was small bell from behind you, and one of your coworkers slid a basket of fries over the counter to you.

“Your usual, Y/N. Fries n’ ranch.”

The halt in your conversation didn’t bother you at all, and you didn’t hesitate taking a bite out of a couple fries after dipping them. Jeff’s eyes flickered between you and the dance floor, a new song just starting.

“So, since you’re into all that music, I’m guessin’ you got some dancing genes in there,” Jeff wagged his brows, shaking his shoulders.

You nearly choked, but managed the food down with some effort. As adorable as Jeff’s tiny preview was, you didn’t have such genes.

“Ahem, no. I’m more the singing in the shower, dance while I’m home alone, person.”

Jeff frowned, but didn’t let up. He swung onto his feet, holding out open palms and trying to beckon you away from your perch against the bar.

“Oh cmon. If you can do either of those things at all, you can do them in a room full of people who are probably too drunk to remember it anyway.”

You honest to god considered it - if only for a fleeting period - but rubbed your neck and crossed your feet.

“Maybe someday. But,” He started swaying his hips side to side, making some silly face. You snorted, but turned around and focused back on your French fries. As much as you liked seeing him around, he wasn’t going to go suckering you into doing stuff you weren’t comfortable with just because he made you laugh. “Not right now okay?”

Jeff had to say that one hurt more than he expected it to. But he wasn’t going to force you, so he sat back down, resting his chin on his arm.

“… Don’t be all depressed about it. Feel free to go dance if you want to dance. There are plenty of girls that would probably love to have a partner.” You felt almost guilty, seeing him suddenly looking bored.

“Not in the mood, you’re kind of a kill joy.”

Your jaw dropped, even if you could see it in his eyes that he was still messing with you.

“Alright, so you shouldn’t wanna dance with me anyway. I saved you a waste of time and it looks like my break’s about to be over anyway, Jeff.” You threw him some sass, and popped a fry into your mouth as you took the basket to walk away.

He further tilted his head, pouting his lips.

“I’m gonna hold you to that 'someday,’ ya know.”

You stopped just behind the counter, gifting him one last glance.

“I guess… I did say maybe.”

The night ended with you exchanging phone numbers.

…

You were sprawled across your bed, humming something to yourself when you heard your phone buzz. The noise not only startled you (more than it should’ve) but it also made you lose track of the tune in your head.

You sighed, rolling over and expecting the message to be from work.

From: Mr. Jeff [ I should be back in town in a couple weeks!]

So, not work.

… Just what you looked forward to seeing at work; even if you always had to wait for it.

You replied:

[ Y the heads up? Usually just come whenever u want to ]

Another buzz.

[ Not whenever I want to. Whenever I can :p ]

You smirked in amusement at the small emoticon. Why was it he sounded so cute in texts?

[ Ok. Cya soon.]

Buzz.

[ You ready for that dance yet? ]

You blushed, having hoped he would forget.

[ Nope, sorry :/ ]

Hopefully that wasn’t too bitchy.

[ Someday ;p what’re you doing ? Slacking off at work?]

[ It’s the weekend Jeff. ]

[ I’m working on some new ring moves w/ Matt. I can email a video later if u want ]

That made you pause. You glanced down at the mess of paper underneath your elbows before texting him back.

[ Don’t know how I’m gonna help with that? ]

[ Praise me. Or blackmail me if it’s terrible ]

You smiled widely, feeling happy enough to feel like you were actually talking to him in person. You really didn’t know much about wrestling, but you’d honestly only watched it whenever he was performing— and even then only on days when the bar happened to have it on the TVs.

You’d probably watch it more if you bothered paying for cable in your apartment, but that, you did not. Still, you supported Jeff doing anything that he loved.

[ Sounds like a plan my man lol ]

What the fuck ? You retyped.

[ Sounds like a plan. Better be good then c: ]

Some hours passed with him just throwing random thoughts your way, and the occasional long periods of silence in which he was back practicing. You wondered who else he texted like this; not in a jealous way, but more, curious.

The more you saw him or texted him, the more you were simultaneously accustomed to and unnerved by his presence in your life.

You had a crush, admittedly.

If only you knew.

…

Jeff had kept his promise of being back in town within the next week and a half— however, you never really had the specifics of when he’d appear in the bar, so you were never quite prepared.

You were on duty, having just served a nice Dirty Martini to one of the older women that came to the bar weekly. In the pocket of your waist apron, you had a small notebook that you only pulled out briefly to jot things down that popped into your head at the darndest of times. You had to, though, lest you forget and end up kicking yourself for it.

You were scribbling words down frantically, not wanting to have your attention off potential customers for more than thirty seconds. Clicking your blue pen, you flipped the notebook shut just as someone took a seat right in front of you.

“What’s up, buttercup? You writing down ya grocery list or somethin’?”

You flinched, pocketing the book.

“No.”

Wow, great comeback.

He raised his brows, staring only at you as if he expected more words to come.

“You’re really not gonna tell me what it is?”

“I have a right to secrets.”

Jeff had discovered somewhere down the line that he had a gift — at least one that came in handy when he was with you, in person. Countless times he’d wished he was able to utilize it via text, but sadly, it wasn’t so.

You would’ve been smart to scurry over to the next customer that had just taken a stool only a few spaces down from Jeff; however, one of the other bartenders was quick to their station and you were forced to shift your weight between your feet instead.

Upon glancing at Jeff, he was pulling a serious set of puppy dog eyes on you.

Sweet Jesus.

On top of that his soft-looking lips were slowly curling up at the corners, everything about him begging you to just let your whole soul out for the world to see.

And all he freakin’ wanted was to know what you wrote in your notebook.

It was a wonder how you didn’t turn into some kind of puddle right then and there.

Clenching your jaw, you puffed out a breath through your nose and felt your face warming before you even uttered the truth.

“Lyrics.” You murmured.

He leaned closer, internally feeling triumphant— but also,

“—What?”

“Song… stuff. Okay?”

Jeff’s suave demeanor flickered away, a look of childish excitement taking its place.  

“You said lyrics? I thought I heard that, but then I thought— Ms. Only-Sings-In-The-Shower would never—”

“I do only sing in the shower. You don’t have to sing for other people if you happen to write songs..”

“That’s true. But you do have to sing for me now.” Jeff beamed and the skin around his eyes crinkled from smiling so wide.

“I’m pretty sure I shall not.” You said incredulously.

“— Can I geh anothuh beer, shweet cheeks?” A rugged, slurred voice interrupted, and only then you realized you and Jeff had hardly broken eye contact this entire time.

You turned toward the man down the bar, his frame slumped partially over as he waved his empty mug. His bleary eyes glanced right back at you before bravely trailing down your body. Your mouth formed a straight line and you didn’t dare see what Jeff looked like at that moment; you grabbed another chilled mug and filled it an inch below the rim before walking it over to him.

“I really recommend this be your last one for the night.” And you forced a smile before pivoting and going back to somewhere near Jeff. Willow’s had no drink limit, customers drank at their own discretion— but if anyone ever got out of hand Mr. Willow himself always called he or she a cab and got them back wherever they had to be. Or he phoned up a relative if the trouble maker happened to be a local.

All the while, Jeff was clenching his fist under the wood of the bar surface, hardly holding back from getting up and whopping the man right across the jaw when he heard a sharp cat-call echo your way while you were walking. The drunkard’s eyes never left you as he drank and hiccuped.

Your knuckles slid across the polish of the bar edge and you narrowed your gaze at Jeff.

“I’m used to drunks like that. Their heads aren’t on right and they’re probably whistling at any girl they see,”

“Especially one that looks like you, Y/N.” Jeff said vehemently, his annoyance fully aimed at the man.

“He’s starin’ because you’re too nice to slap him like he deserves.”

You’d never seen him react like that before - not that he was usually around on the sparse occasions that this happened. He seemed genuinely furious, his green irises darkened under his hooded eyelids.

“Jeff, don’t do anything… stupid. Why’re you acting all jealous?” You rushed out, knitting your brows together. You understood a friend being protective, but you could see his arm tensed from making a fist.

He took a deep breath and locked eyes with you, voice calm…ish; never contradicting your accusation of jealousy.

“How’s this sound? You sing some of your song for me, I don’t punch that lard ass for eye-fuckin’ you? If not, I’m gonna go ahead,” He hitched up a biting smirk, his fisted hand tapping on the bar before releasing so he could push off of it to stand up.

With that ultimatum he seemed set on betting you weren’t gonna go serenading him this moment, or even any time soon, and over-eager to start a bar fight. It wasn’t a shot at you, it was just a more creative way of saying he didn’t want you to stop him (only because he was used to you being shy).

You reached over the bar, snatching a hold of his arm.

He’d just barely lifted off his bar stool when you did, sitting back down immediately at feeling your hand on him.

His brows were still arched, but his fiery eyes dampened when they swiveled back down to you, awkwardly pressed over the bar counter and still squeezing onto him like you thought you’d lose him to the void.

“I.. I uhm…”

His attention from his designated target was dwindling.

“Lean closer would you?” You mumbled, eyes locked on an old chip on the wooden surface between you.

Jeff didn’t exactly know what the point was, but set aside his agenda for the time being, thinking perhaps you’d even tell him to punch the guy extra hard cause he’d bothered you before or something.

You did no such thing.

Clearing your throat, you quietly hummed something to get your note, before whisper-singing a small bit of the song you’d been working on. You had fears, doubts, and that feeling this wasn’t actually happening, but it was. Your voice was small, almost cracking due to how low you were uttering it, but was pleasant nonetheless.

“… H-Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus? It’s kinda like Elvis… you gotta die to be famous.”

You breathed deeply, wondering whether to continue or not — your eyes saw Jeff was still rather tense, so you, hesitantly, continued.

“…I may not go down in history, I just want someone… to remember me,”

Your sweet rasp died off like a flame, and you swallowed thickly, hand flinching away from the bicep you had still been tethering yourself to.

Why did you just do that? That was painfully awkward, and you’d just latched onto him like some psychopath —

Head dipped, cheeks burning, you dared a peek at Jeff. His face was unreadable. Blank. But his body had gone completely lax, his arms draped over his legs and his frame rocked slightly toward you.

“You really can’t stand violence, can you,” he spoke, the question rhetorical. You bit your lip, wanting to laugh or something but not making a noise.

“Your voice is beautiful, Y/N.” He went on, eyes sparkling in the dim lighting.

You shook your head, knowing that especially singing that low almost nobody sounded very good. He thought otherwise, and was hell bent on spending the rest of his life convincing you of that if he had to. Jeff couldn’t have cared less about the drunkard anymore— couldn’t have cared less if everyone else in the room just up and left.

He wanted to hear you more.

Honestly, he sorta realized all at once that he wanted to hear you everyday, and not just singing — maybe it was because he’d realized you’d just done something you’d never done for anyone else (and for what? He didn’t get why you liked him, when you were so pure). It clicked for him that he’d been doing every single thing on the road just because he wanted to get it over with and get back home to see you every once and awhile. Jeff loved wrestling— but he was beginning to think something topped that.

You began to sweat it, feeling tinier under his unwavering gaze and silence.

“I should probably… get back to work before Mr. Willow sees me messin’ around. Just don’t start a fight, okay—?” You had no idea what was going through Jeff’s head, so you half expected this whole messy encounter to end with him bursting into laughter or something.

It didn’t, of course.

Jeff could feel the words 'I love you,’ on the tip of his tongue - just thinking them making him feel lightheaded and overwhelmed - but all that came out instead was a casual invitation.

“Alright. But, before you go… I was wonderin’ if you wanted to visit my house tomorrow? I have an extra day off this week,” He’d forgotten to mention that. “And after tonight I have to hear more of that song.”

You searched his eyes for humor, but there was none, only sincerity.

“If you want, I could even play some guitar for you, if you have a tune in mind—”

“I-I don’t really write instrumental, I just hear it in my head,” You stammered, operating on some sort of reflex; it wasn’t sinking in that he was actually inviting you to his h o m e.

Just you and him.

“That’s okay. I can play by ear if you hum it for me.”

Oh my god.

“Uhm… if it’s alright with you… I suppose?” What you were saying didn’t at all match the panic inside; you didn’t even think you could sing for him again - let alone have some jam session in his 'humble abode’.

Jeff was just smiling that subtle smile all the while, though, and it was like nothing could get you to come up with a miraculous excuse like you always had when he pushed your buttons.

“Course it’s alright with me, do you want my address or do you want me to pick you up?”

You blinked, feeling dumb.

“I can drive over, I’d feel bad otherwise,” you laughed nervously. It was too late to go back now, and hell, if you chickened out of singing (you thought you might) you’d at least have your car to run to.

Jeff felt truly surprised that he didn’t have to further convince you - not that he was complaining. He felt a wave of relief that you actually wanted to spend more time with him; after all, the two of you had never actually hung out outside of Willow’s.

That was a crime, in his book.

…

Early the next morning you awoke to the realization that you were supposed to meet at Jeff’s house in a little less than an hour.

The need to arrive on time surged through your veins; that was a trait since you’d had the responsibility to be punctual at all— and that alone was what was getting your limbs to get moving.

You had hardly gotten any sleep the night before due to livid thoughts that somehow you’d end up making a fool of yourself and never be able to face Jeff again.

God, the dramatics only made you annoyed with yourself.

It was a constant back and forth— and apparently the morning was no different, but you were still getting ready without fail. Brushed your teeth twice because you lost track of what you were doing, but you were getting there. You threw on a pair of soft shorts and short sleeve band-T, under no impression that your 'jam session’ would require any sort of dress up or fancy business.

You enjoyed being comfortable on weekends.

Also, maybe wearing your favorite band would serve as a good luck charm; so you jogged out to your car and headed on over to the so-called, Hardy compound.

…

Jeff hadn’t been pulling your leg when he said you might have trouble finding his house — thankfully, he’d provided good pointers and once you found the path it was easy breezing. You liked the sound of dirt under your wheels and the rustic scenery of the forest was unfamiliar, yet intriguing… even more so when you broke from the dense forest into the well groomed grasses of the front yard.

You wouldn’t think there would be such nice properties hidden back here.

Just as you twisted your key and turned off the car, the front door to the house swung open; you thought maybe Jeff had heard or seen you pull up, but the man you saw in the doorway was a vaguely-known face.

It was Matt, the brother you’d only seen on the TV’s; Jeff had said he was never around to be introduced at the bar because he was always at home with his kids. That put him in a good light, so you hopped out of your car and started walking up to the doorway.

“I’ll pick you up for the air port tomorrow then,” Matt said, turning around and smiling when he noticed you approaching. You returned it awkwardly, raising a hand to wave.

“Ah, you must be Y/N. Sorry this is the first time we’re meeting,” He held out a hand to shake, “Jeff’s talked about you a lot, so I kinda feel like I know you.”

You huffed a laugh, glad to take the firm hand shake.

“He talkin’ trash about me, I bet.” You jested, and Matt gave you a chuckle.

“Yeah, the most trash I’ve ever heard him talk about a gal.”

Jeff surfaced at the door then, slightly flustered as if he’d ran to the door and tried to slow himself right as he opened it.

“Y/N! I didn’t know you were here, you should'a rang,”

Matt gave you a pat on the shoulder, grinning back at his brother.

“My fault. I was just introducing myself, cause someone never got around to doing it.” Matt suggested that he wanted to have met you sooner— and supposing Jeff had so casually invited you over to his house, you almost wondered why you hadn’t.  

“We’ve been… busy,” Jeff dismissed, stepping out so he was a bit closer. He looked guilty.

“Yeah yeah, well, I hope to see more of you whenever we’re all in town, Y/N. Maybe then Jeff will talk less trash about you.” Matt still flashed his pearly whites and left you with a wink and a thumbs up, slightly jerked in Jeff’s direction. He knew something you didn’t.

Jeff gestured you into the house, trying his best to ignore whatever he could feel Matt teasing about.

(Jeff had spilled a lot of beans to his brother about his feelings for you, anyway.)

…

The inside of the house - or really - mansion, was just as grand as the outside. Nice, high ceilings, clean floors, staircases, and splashes of color from large, mounted paintings around the walls.

You approached one of the pieces without thinking, air-tracing along the thick black lines of what looked to be several faces melting together.

You were simultaneously fascinated and indifferent about the bright pink eyes staring back at you as you spoke.

“Where are these guys from?” You weren’t sure if you were referring to the faces in this one piece or to the many more on the various other paintings; Jeff answered both.

“My imag-i-nation, I'suppose.” Jeff rubbed his neck, unsure if you liked them or not.

“I paint in my spare time.” He extended.

Stepping back and gaping at him, you followed him into the next room, under the open archway.

“You did all these?”

“…Yep, I would explain what they all mean, but even I’m not sure about some of them,”

“Open for interpretation then.” You reassured, eyes trailing from his dashing smile to a half painted canvas leaning against the wall. “I’ve dabbled in art myself.”

Jeff tilted his head, grabbing at the neck of his guitar.

“Seriously?”

You paused.

“No. I’m a terrible artist. In like… every way.”

Jeff laughed and you did too, though your buzzing died off as Jeff took a seat on the couch arm rest just a couple feet from where you were sitting. His guitar rested on his legs, nestled against him as he tuned it subtly.

“Nothing wrong with that. If you were some amazin’ artist then you’d be way too perfect and I’d go thinkin’ you’re not real or something.”

That sentence got you feeling giddy inside, but you just scratched the bridge of your nose and weren’t sure what to say.

“You ready to grace me with more of your lyrics, darlin’?”

Jeff sure was laying it on thick with the compliments and pet names— not that he’d never used those, but you were on edge as it were and him being all… cute about everything was only making it worse. And he was staring at you. And you had no other customers to glance at or run off to now.

It finally settled in how nervous he always made you feel; before now you had always just had distractions that helped you deny that.

“I… I forgot the words..?”

No, dumbass, you had the words right in your hands — you were gripping tight to the notebook you always left in your car. Jeff’s eyes flickered to the familiar article but he didn’t antagonize you.

“I’m sure you’ve got jitters. We could start with you just humming a tune for me to follow, then maybe I’ll get some singin’ outta you again,” His tone was soft, encouraging not pushing. You eventually got to actually creating sound… singing the words in your mind but only letting the notes of them vibrate through your closed lips.

Jeff picked up quickly, and soon enough the hums transmuted into crisp guitar plucks; even sooner those mentally spoken words attached to said notes were spilling out of you … and you didn’t quite get that moment of clarity till Jeff had shifted down from the arm rest to the cushion right next to you and overlapped his lower voice with your’s as you sang out the last verse (you had so far).

“…If I will love then I will find, I have touched another life and that’s something,”

You swallowed thickly, peeking up only enough to see Jeff’s fingers strumming.

“…something worth leaving behind,” You sang slowly, quieter again, and your embarrassment was partially forgotten due to the mesmerization of hearing his honeyed accent echo your voice.  

He stopped his playing, planting a hand over the strings to stop them.

“How do you get me to do things I can’t even imagine doing..?” Even now you were speaking out unlike your normal self, and it was all his fault.

“How do you get me to want to do everything with you?” He rejoined, his guitar leaving your sights as he kept his body pointed toward you. You still didn’t want to look up at his face, because this didn’t feel right.

“I don’t know.” You said, honestly. Why did he always only go to you when he visited the bar? Why did he always text after matches you’d just seen?

“I do.” He murmured, his hand cautiously coming up to brush against your chin, tilting it up like he thought you’d pull away if he touched any firmer than that. He wanted to see your eyes, no matter how you would respond to this.

“You’re what keeps me goin’ when the job gets tough. You’re the one thing I hate leaving behind when I’m out on the road,” His finger tips gradually spread, and his hand danced along your jawline toward your ear as he noticed you didn’t pull away or flinch— you stayed deathly still, eyes only blinking when they had to.

“…I think I…” His fingers trailed further, twining into the roots of your hair at the back of your head. “I think I love you, Y/N.”

His face was closer now than it had ever been, but he seemed stuck at a few inches away— he wanted you to respond somehow before he went and kissed you because he wasn’t sure how he’d react once he did what he’d thought about doing so many times.

You fumbled, wetting your lips with the tip of your tongue; Jeff tensed, hand slipping ever-so-slightly down the back of your neck.

“I think so too,” you breathed, but realized that sounded incorrect. “I mean— I think I love you,”

But grammar or exact comprehension aside, Jeff had gotten his response. Lips crushed against your’s, his other hand joined in to pull your face toward him. It was fast, frantic actions, yet, somehow gentle enough to feel as if you were leaning into it more than he was tugging you.

You puffed out the breath you’d been holding through your nose, and you closed your eyes tightly, lips pressing back. There was every ounce of two years of tension being unfurled in a single kiss — and then tension melted into desire once you broke apart.

“I never stop thinkin’ about you,” Jeff whispers, getting lost in your eyes as they open again. He recalls the first time you met, and the memory draws him forward to kiss you again, his hands sliding down your shoulders.

Both of you have half-lidded eyes, lips attacking one another’s while you refuse to break the eye contact; he deftly pushes you back into the soft couch, your back cozying into the pillows. He gives your lower lip a bit of a harsh bite, his tongue massaging over it in apology.

You make a tiny sound, your hand pulling softly at the base of his hair.

“Sorry,” Jeff rumbles, assuming you wanted him to be nicer. He couldn’t help it, your mouth was irresistible before and was even more so now.

“No,” You stroke his locks back, smiling sheepishly as you part your legs so he can scoot closer to your body. “I can tell you’re trying hard to be all good and gentle because you’re assuming things about me again.”

He furrows his brows, blushing with his frame pressing into your’s, his arousal prominent against your shorts.

“Don’t.” You kiss him chastely. “Do whatever your body’s telling you to do… I want it.” This time your tongue brazenly traces against his mouth, breaching and lapping against Jeff’s. You’d denied it till now, but since it was happening, you weren’t gonna let anything ruin this moment — not even Jeff’s own cautions.

“I didn’t take you to be into rough sex.” Jeff retorts, voice gruffer as he rolls his hips against you. He’s clearly liking whatever you’re insinuating, his worries going out the window.

“Well, I am not against it. And I’m not against gentle love-making either;” This was totally different, but sorta like how he’d been when he was surprised at your taste in music.

“-How’d you say it before? Variety. Variety’s good,” You were proud of your stellar memory, and starting to lose your full voice as you panted. His hips were in full motion, only making you wetter as the friction continued.  

He smirked, rolling up the bottom of your t-shirt.

“So this won’t be the last time we do this, is what you’re sayin’?” His hands continue to bring your shirt up, till you have to lift your arms to get it off.  

“That depends on how good it is.” You stifle a laugh but whimper unintentionally when he kneads one of your breasts firmly.  "All I’m saying is don’t be afraid of biting me, geez.“ Your voice sounds sassier then, and he growls, rutting into your clothed core as he leans down to nip around your collar bone, finding a spot to suck in a love mark.

In all honesty, you weren’t always the type to tease people in bed, but that back and forth dynamic had always been present with you two — that, and whatever it was doing to Jeff’s sex drive was well worth it.

"If you end up sore in the mornin’, just know you asked for it,” He promises lightly, eying the now several pinkish spots on your collar and neck that were sure to darken by tomorrow. You felt tingly, suddenly too hot in your already minimal clothing.

“Good thing I’m not working then,” You huffed, impatiently pulling at Jeff’s tank top now; it too was discarded, and things moved fast from there.

You allowed your eyes to rake over his bare skin, in awe of the details of his tattoos that you’d been missing out on. You gulped, pads of your fingers following the thin trail of hair down his abs that led to the band of his pants. He didn’t stop you.

As you rubbed him first over his underwear, you felt your heart jump at the apparent size he was packing — your palm rubbing over the thickness more when he moaned unabashedly. Your hand went into the material, adjusting his length in his pants so the tip of it stuck out of the waist band while you gave it firm, steady strokes.

He twitched, his teeth latching to the straps of your bra and pulling them down your shoulders, all before he actually slipped his hands under your back to unhook the article, hoping you’d shift your arms enough to let him get the damn thing off so he could see all of you.

As aroused as you were, somehow insecurities managed to creep up the shoulders that your straps were being tugged down. It was obvious he wanted you, and probably had for a long time (not to mention you literally had a hand in his pants), but you still managed to be blushing as you retracted your hand from his growing erection and bent your arms to slowly slip off your bra. But his eyes never left you for a moment, and by the look of his blown pupils and ever-shifting gaze, he loved every single inch of you.

“Why did it take so long for us to end up here?” Jeff rambled, sounding frustrated as he peppered kisses from your throat down to your breasts; he didn’t want an answer, because he was already grateful that you even reciprocated his feelings.

Yet, he was still going to do everything in his power to let you know just how long he’s wanted you like this.

Jeff reminded himself you didn’t mind biting.

“U-uhnf…” you whimpered, his teeth sinking into the soft flesh briefly, replaced in time with a warm, wet tongue as he circled around your perked nipples. Your nails dug into his shoulder blades as he ravished your chest, his rough hands pressed up against the curve of your back to pull you into his embrace and upright.

He leaned back against the couch, situating your trembling body onto his lap, your feet dangling off the couch.

Jeff dipped his hands right into your shorts the moment you were there, his hands going past your panties and giving your ass a nice squeeze. It shocked you, and you felt embarrassed at the startlingly erotic noise that came out.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this cute lil ass whenever you went by in your uniform.”

Your mouth hung open, and he didn’t hesitate running his fingers down your crevice, grazing your hole before coming in contact with the wetness of your pussy.

“…pervert.” You retorted late, mind wandering to where his hands were.

“Mm.” Is all he returned, bottom lip disappearing between his teeth as he eventually got you out of your shorts and panties — they were too soaked to be any use anyway. His green eyes flickered up to your’s, a couple of his fingers rubbing over your opening while his other hand groped your thigh.

“No turning back after this, baby…” Jeff rasped, all but thrusting his fingers right into you as they massaged your heat.

“Not even an option, Mr. Jeff. Stop hesitating—” The arousal on your voice caused him to lick his lips, his fingers finally penetrating and pumping into you. Your breath hitched, his movements making your walls tighten around his fingers every few thrusts because you were acutely aware of how long it had been since you last fucked anyone.

“Relax… I got ya,” Jeff cooed into your ear, fingers occasionally changing their angle or spreading when he felt you shudder. Your hips rolled down into them, though you were still hovering just above his covered erection.

You gasped, his fingers abruptly pulling out of you and working against your clit— the first time he touched your sensitive bud was with the moisture of your own arousal.

“Fuck—” you mewled, eyes fluttering shut as he switched back and forth from shallow finger-fucking to curling his fingers deeper and back to rubbing over your clit like a well-oiled machine; just as breathing began to get uneven, he lifted you off and got you lying back on the other side of the couch.

Back touching the cooler side of the couch, where Jeff had swiped off any extra pillows so you would be lying completely flat, you stared up at the beautiful man hovering over you. Even in the haze of sex, the smile he gave you was affectionate — warm, and the last you saw before he crawled down your body. First, he sat back on his calves to undo his jeans button and zipper, shimmying out of the hinderance. You started to sit up, wanting to return the pleasure he’d been giving you the past few minutes, but he clicked his tongue and lightly pushed you back down.

“Another time, sugar. Right now I’m in charge.” He drawled, eyes narrowed as he dragged his hands from the sides of your ribs down to the bend of your knees, where he spread your legs and propped one of them up on the back of the couch.

God, your toes curled at his tone, and you felt dirty and excited because of it. Jeff smirked, head going to the crux of your legs and starting with an open-mouthed kiss to your clitoris.

You hissed out a moan, the cold air of the room contrasting with the hot mouth lapping at your folds; he wiggled his tongue into your entrance, groaning lewdly at the taste of you. Long strokes and kitten licks of that talented tongue had you writhing in no time, the sensitivity making your hands push at his shoulders.

“J-Jeff… please… stop,” You cried, not wanting your first orgasm to fully hit before you two were one.

He couldn’t help giving you one last lick before he came up, a bit of a dopey smile on his face as he kissed up your stomach.

“You ready for me?” He spoke against your skin, his hips shifting uncomfortably as he withheld from touching himself.

“Been ready,” cheekily, you huffed out, though really you were dying every moment you were left exposed and feeling empty.

Jeff only grinned, planting a sloppy kiss on you.

“Impatient, ya are.”

Your noses touched, and you felt him caressing your inner thighs.

“I’ve always waited for you, I think I’ve earned being a little impatient—”

You felt something heavy against your heat, the length rubbing against you softly. It was unclear when exactly Jeff had managed to shuck off his underwear, but it was prevalent with the way you could feel the throb of his dick against you, but not quite where you needed it to be.

Your back arched and you groaned, your heels pressing into his lower back as if to get him to get the picture.

“Jeff…”

The motions only ensued a moment or two longer before he reared back his hips, using one of his hands to steady himself at your opening; it was all slow-motion, and you almost couldn’t breathe at the initial push in. The head of his cock slid in relatively easy with how slick and prepped you were, but that still didn’t change how unbelievable it felt as he pushed in deeper, stretching you and making you let out a broken moan.

There was a twinge of pain at first, but by the time his full length was all the way in, you were clenching around him slightly, wanting more; your eyes had shut during the initial thrust, but they peeked open to stare up at Jeff as he caged your face in with both his hands.

Your hips lifted, grinding into him as much as you could just as you tugged his hair to kiss the air out of him; your tongues began to battle for dominance and his hips finally got to jerking into you, hard and deep.

He let you win the battle in your makeout, your tongue exploring his mouth hungrily as you both mewled into one another — your control of the kiss contrasted his control of your hips meeting and all the erotic sounds started mixing in a way that had you in a heavenly trance.

Neither of you would last very long, with you already on edge from before and him hardly getting off aside from actually being inside you, so you made it count.

Giving Jeff’s lower lip a bite like he had done to your’s, your leg shifted up his back, wanting him to take you even closer. He breathed harshly, reaching around to hook your leg and get it over his shoulder, thrusting more frantically at the new angle.

Both of you let out loud moans, eyes no longer closing and keeping your heart’s connected—

“Please… faster, mngh, J-Jeff..—” Your brows knitted together as you began to tighten around him again, the sound of skin slapping together making your blood race.

“Yes, baby… fuck… you’re so perfect,” he grunted, his hand squeezing your knee that rested against his shoulder.

“C-Come with me,” You pleaded, hardly able to speak with the way he was punching moans out of you now, pushing your body down into the couch with his motions.

“Fuckin'— fu… Y/N…” He thrusted in a few more times, ramming into your sweet spot too much for you to handle and sending you over the edge; you squeezed around his dick as you orgasmed, throwing your head back into the couch while you rode out his last couple thrusts, just before he came buried inside you.

You felt even fuller than before, and as you slowly relaxed, your leg slipping down off of him, you felt a bit of his cum seep out.

It wasn’t that either of you cared about the couch at this point, but it was just an observation.

The two of you took your time catching your breath, Jeff getting awkwardly comfortable laying his head against your chest after he pulled out. One of your arms nested under your head while the opposite hand stroked over Jeff’s sweat-soaked hair.

“…I really love you, you know that?” Jeff murmured dreamily.

You snickered, scratching over the back of his neck in comfort.

“…I think I got the picture.” You stared at his head, since he was still lying there. “I… really love you too.”

He shifted so his chin nuzzled below your collar bone, eyes up at you with pure adoration and dulled lust.

“Least now I know how I can make you sing, for sure.”

Of course he still had to tease you.

You rolled your eyes, covering his face with your palm so he wouldn’t see you blush. He blew a raspberry into it, which shouldn’t have bothered you after all that had just gone down, but you withdrew your hand nonetheless in surprise.

He laughed, flashing his white teeth while he twined your fingers with his own.

“Just promise you’ll show me more of your songs next time, okay, darlin’?”

“We’ll see.” You tried being stubborn, but your voice held no malice with him looking at you that way.

“Well, I promise to continue botherin’ you at Willow’s then.” He stuck his tongue out. “And I promise that I wasn’t lyin’ when I said you never leave my mind when I’m not with you.”

After a second, you whispered back. “Trust me, you never left my mind either.”

One more smile. One more kiss. One more little chuckle. Then you were squirming out from under him, making him look at you in confusion.

“Think we can hop in the shower now?”

Now he rolled his eyes, but grabbed your hand and helped you up to lead you toward the bathroom.

“Princess can’t stand being a lil dirty for a second, huh.”

“Maybe Princess just wants to get dirty somewhere besides your couch, Mr.”

You felt his grip tighten and his steps quicken more immediately.

…

God, now whenever he left it would only make waiting all the more painstaking. But still… it was worth it, because you knew he’d always get back— and you never really left each other in the first place.

[pinkstarbeam]

Walking computer. Chapter one: Shocking discovery

It’s finally done! A huge thanks to @justpidgance  @thenerdbeast and  @tory-b for helping me finish this after a good month and a half of writers block

Lightning struck the ground miles away from the Holt family home and soon after a boom of thunder sounded, Katie Holt, the youngest of the Holt household was unfazed as she typed away on the keyboard of her desktop computer. Opening her skype after a quick youtube song search she noticed that one of her friends had messaged her, opening up the chat she quickly scanned over the simple message

HunkaHunka: Hey KatieKat: Hey, enjoying the storm? :3c HunkaHunka: Eh, I don’t really mind it, but anyway how is your history report coming? I just finished mine. KatieKat: I’m working on it as we speak, JFK was one scandalous man. HunkaHunka: Oh you’re working on your laptop then, unplugged I hope. <.< KatieKat: No, I’m on the desktop. HunkaHunka: Katie! It’s storming what if lightning hits near us and fries your computer then electrocute you? KatieKat: Hunk pls that’s just a myth, and besides the storm is miles away.

Another rumble of thunder sounded though this time it seemed louder, the storm had been miles away a mere few minutes ago, shaking her head Katie figured it must have been some kind of echo.

HunkaHunka: Did you jinx the storm or something? That thunder was crazy loud!

Katie went to type her response when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a bolt of lightning strike the power box outside, but before she could react the electricity coursed its way through the electrical circuits and into the tips of Katie’s finger, the zap so powerful that she went flying back all the way across the room, the last thing she saw before blacking out was her desktop going up in flames.

-

A month-long coma and multiple physical therapy appointments later Katie was back to her normal self, the incident that had happened in late November seemed so far away now that it was mid-February. She had felt weird ever since the incident but never brought it up thinking it was probably just her body still getting used to the metal pole in her left arm after she broke it from slamming against the wall that night. “Geez you’d think after almost two months my body would feel better.” she mumbled as she slouched back against the number of pillows she kept on her bed for comfort. Looking to her left arm she poked at the area that she knew was now metal and no longer bone, it made her feel like some kind of cyborg which in her book was pretty fucking cool. Picking up her laptop she felt a strange jolt in her left arm, dropping the computer back onto her bed she quickly grabbed her left arm whilst stringing out a line of mumbled curses as she waited for the pain to dull. “What the hell was that-” she began, but cut herself off as she pulled her right hand away from her left arm to reveal that her whole left inner forearm was glowing, and not just glowing but, looked like a digital keyboard. She had to be dreaming...Right? Poking the T key on the keyboard she heard a subtle tap and nearly jumped out of her skin. Grabbing her laptop she quickly opened it and brought up a blank Google Doc, looking to her left arm again she began to type out her name, once finished she felt a cold chill run down her spine as the google doc read simply ‘Katie Holt’. Shutting her laptop she quickly scrambled away from it feeling as if she had just committed some kind of crime. ‘What the hell is going on?’ she thought and picked up her phone. Once again the same jolt came once her left hand came in contact with the smartphone, hissing loudly she began to dial hunk and put the phone to her ear. “Katie! What’s up?” Hunk answered cheerfully. Katie blinked as she heard an echo “Are you in a tunnel?”. “What? No, I'm in the living room watching my twin sisters why?” her best friend asked confused. Katie’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion, moving the phone a little away from her ear she spoke again “Are you sure?”. “Yeah, I mean I can snapchat you them watching lion king right now,” he laughed. The sixteen-year-old questioned how hunk heard her so clearly and why there was an echo. Sitting her phone on her bed she began to speak again. “Can you hear me?” Katie asked. “Uhm yes? Loud and clear why?” Hunk asked sounding as equally confused as she felt. Biting her lip she got up and walked to the other side of her room, she had to be slightly drowned out there right? “What about now?” the sixteen-year-old asked one more time. Her best friend groaned “Yes Katie, crystal”. “Hunk, I am literally walking down the hall to the kitchen and my phone is in my room.” she said walking out her door. “No way, did you invent something?!” he asked excitedly. Katie looked her right hand that she had been holding against her chest and moved it away “No.”. “What was that? You faded out.” Hunk replied. Feeling sick Katie brought her right hand up to her mouth as if to cover it and started speaking “And now?” “Good again.” the older boy declared. Katie started to shake horribly, what was going on? Why could she hear phone calls in her head and type on her computer using her left arm that was now a subtle green glowing keyboard for some reason. Running to her room she quickly locked the door behind her in an absolute panic as she tried to search for some kind of logical reasoning for this, but the only one she could come up with was she was dreaming and after multiple pinches she was fairly certain she was wide awake and living some kind of nightmare or one of Matt’s childish pranks that sometimes went too far. “Hunk I gotta go.” she said and hung up on Hunk before he could object. Opening her computer she began to type using the normal keyboard into Google ‘I can hear phone calls in my head’ which made her sound like some kind of crazy person. A thing called phantom ringing came up, but that wasn’t what she meant and the rest was useless voicemail and speakerphone stuff. This was something out of one of Lance’s comic books and though she enjoyed the stories she knew they were all fictional, science fiction if you will, but what was happening to her right now wasn’t fiction, she had become some kind of computerized human in the few months after the incident. “Relax Katie.” she spoke out loud to herself whilst taking a deep breath “Just go to sleep, everything will be fine after a nap.” she mumbled the last part whilst tucking herself under her green comforter. Beginning to close her eyes she blocked out any thoughts from entering her mind as she focused solely on things that made her feel sleepy, but her focus was quickly changed when there was repetitive loud knocking on her front door. ‘You have to be kidding me.’ Katie thought as she slid out from under the comforter. “Katie it’s me!” she heard Hunk’s familiar voice call to her as she descended the stairs. The brunette blinked in confusion as she opened up the door to see Hunk holding the hands of his little twin sisters “The heck Hunk!?” she said being mindful of little ears. Hunk walked in quickly and gave his sisters a bag of toys he had brought “You can’t just sound all panicked and hang up on me like that!” he declared puffing out his cheeks. Katie couldn’t help but smile a bit at her best friends behavior, he had been protective of her and Lance since they were kids so she should have seen all of this coming. “Alright, Ronda and Rachelle stay here and play with your toys alright?” Hunk said looking to the twin girls that were currently looking through the bag of toys. The brown eyed girls nodded signaling to both Hunk and Katie that it was safe to go talk in the next room, for the time being, walking into the kitchen Katie felt her anxiety rise at the thought of explaining all of this to Hunk, but she rather it be him than some doctor who would probably make her some kind of human lab rat. “Alright, so what is going on?” Hunk asked as he helped himself to a glass of water. Biting her lip the sandy-haired brunette began to search for the right words “Well you see…” she began “Something or well, I think the accident did..something to me.”. The ebony haired teen blinked “I mean you have a metal pole in your arm so.” he said sipping his water. As she began to fidget with her hands she remembered her left inner forearm had turned into a keyboard “Okay I'm going to show you something, but you can’t tell ANYONE about this, and I mean anyone Hunk, that includes Lance and your Moms.”. Sitting down his water as he felt the air get more serious the older boy then gave a nod but was confused as to what could be so serious from the girl who literally sends alien memes to the group chat at four A.M. Taking a deep breath Katie stretched out her left arm and gently poked at her inner forearm, suddenly the digital keyboard came to like and Hunk’s tan features went pale. “Th-That’s one convincing tattoo.” Hunk nervously laughed. Katie shook her head taking Hunk’s hand “Touch it.” her tone serious. Gulping he gently poked at one of the keys and noticed it turned darker like an actual digital keyboard would at touch “What the fu-” he began to yell but, Katie cut him off by slamming her hand over his mouth. “That’s not the only thing, remember the phone situation?” Katie asked not removing her hand from the other mouth. Hunk nodded. “I could hear the whole call in my head and my right wrist was acting as the transmitter.” she said removing her hand from the male’s mouth. Hunk stood silent for a good minute not sure how to exactly reply to the fact that one of his childhood best friends was now some kind of cyborg, yet not, more or so like a walking computer. “What else can you do now?” he finally asked. “I-I’m not sure…” Katie answered as she raked her sandy brown locks through her fingers “All this happened after I touched my laptop and phone.”. “Wait after you touched them?” Hunk asked. She nodded “I picked up both and in doing so I felt this really painful jolt, but after it happened I had a usable keyboard on my skin and could hear phone calls in my head.”. “Have you tried any other electronics?” he asked. Katie blinked “Didn’t know you saw me as some kind of masochist.”. Hunk rolled his eyes “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it, I mean can you like get powers from other people’s electronics.”. The sixteen-year-old shrugged “Give me your phone and we’ll see.”. “What? No!” the male squeaked as he held his phone protectively “Use Matt’s laptop or something!”. “And have his search history seared into my brain?! No way!” she nearly gagged at the thought of what could possibly be on Matt’s computer. “Wait for what?” he asked, “You would get the stuff off his computer if you touched it?”. Shrugging Katie closed her eyes “Let me check something.” she then began to think about files on her computer and suddenly a file of pictures simply title ‘friends’ popped up and began to come into view one by one as if she was looking a computer screen. “Well?” Hunk asked. Opening her eyes to answer she was quickly cut off by Hunk’s scream “What?!” “Your eyes are glowing!” he yelped. Katie looked at him like he was insane, but the noticed on the wall behind them was a projection of the picture she had been viewing when she opened her eyes, it was one of their group of friends at the beach last summer. Seeing her shock Hunk turned to see what Katie was looking at “You’re doing that?!”. She nodded and closed her eyes again thinking of something else other than the photo and when she opened her eyes there was a youtube video of a kitten playing in place of the picture as Hunk watched in astonishment and slight horror. Closing her eyes one last time she cut off any kind of thought that could project and when she opened her eyes again there was no longer any kind of projection on the wall. Hunk brought both of his hands together and held them in front of his mouth as he drew in a deep sigh ��Katie this is…”. “Weird, strange, freaky?” Katie suggested. “Awesome!” the older boy declared. The brunette shook her head a bit in shock “Come again?”. She asked seeing as a minute ago Hunk looked like he was gonna faint. “I mean yeah it’s weird, but like, you’re a walking computer!” he cheered happily. “Wouldn’t cyborg fit better?” she asked. He thought for a moment “What is the definition of a cyborg?” Katie felt a strange shiver go up to her spine “Cyborg, noun, a fictional or hypothetical person whose physical abilities are extended beyond normal human limitations by mechanical elements built into the body.”. Hunk blinked “Did you just…” “I just fucking did a web search with my brain!” she squeaked holding her head as panic overtook her. “Alright calm down, it’s new information to this already shocking development, but I'm sure with time we can figure this out.” the male spoke as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Sighing Katie threw herself into one of the bar stools her family had around the breakfast bar, all of this was making her head spin, had she really turned into some kind of superhuman? It would explain why the shock hadn’t killed her, but still how was it scientifically possible? Raking a hand through her hair once more she let out an annoyed groan as she placed her head on the bar as her head continued to spin. Rhonda walked into the room, her dark brown curls bouncing around her face as she tugged at Hunk’s leg “I’m hungry!”. Shortly after Rachelle ran in “Me too!”. Hunk laughed “Well maybe big sister Pidge wants to go out to lunch with us?” he asked using Katie’s nicknamed. Katie raised her head and managed a smile at the two girls who were currently giving her puppy dog eyes “Alright, let me go get my bag.”

-

Entering the small diner in downtown Altea was always a pleasant experience, the air always smelled of delicious foods and the staff was friendly and polite which made you want to return in the future. Walking over to a booth both teenagers slid into either side accompanied by one of the twins, as they sat there Katie couldn’t help but feel like some kind of freak of nature that didn’t belong around normal humans anymore. Hunk noticed Katie shift uncomfortably “Katie relax, you look normal as long as you don’t, ‘ya know.” he said addressing the glowing eye situation earlier. “Know what?” a familiar voice asked. Looking up Katie seen Shiro, her brother Matt’s and Allura’s boyfriend holding two normal menus and two kid ones “I forgot you worked here!”. The older male laughed “Wow I'm hurt Katie, to think I grew up with you.”. She stuck her tongue out at him as she felt a wave of calmness wash over her, Hunk was right, as long as her powers or whatever you wanted to refer to them as didn’t act up she looked like a normal teenager. “Alright what will we be having to drink today?” Shiro asked as he pressed his pen into the writing pad. “Two fanta oranges for the twins and just a tea for me.” Hunk said as his eyes scanned the menu. “Okay, and for you Katie?” the eighteen-year-old asked. Katie thought for a moment “Just a glass of water.”. “Alright, i’ll be right back with those,” Shiro said with a smile as he walked back towards the kitchen. Relaxing back against the red-padded booth Katie watched as Ronda and Rachelle doodled on the paper menu with the supplied crayons, taking out her phone she went to turn on her camera, however when she did her vision changed to be as if she was looking into a camera. Hunk noticed how pale Katie had grown “You okay?”. Katie quickly exited the camera setting on her phone and closed her eyes, when she opened them again everything was back to normal ‘No. No, I am not.’ she thought laying her head down. Shiro approached the table and sat the drinks down before casting a look of worry at Katie “Are you okay? Should I call Matt to come get you?”. Sighing she shook her head “It’s alright guys, just tired.” she lied faking a smile. Both males gave her a look that basically said we don’t believe you, but we will let it slide for now to which Katie was very thankful for. Shiro took their orders and left for the kitchen once more leaving the twins and the teens alone once more. “Katie are you sure we shouldn’t talk to an actual-” Hunk began, but was cut off. “No!” Katie said covering her face with her hands. Her best friend frowned “Katie how else are we gonna figure this out?”. “I don’t know.” she replied honestly “All I know is that if I tell an actual doctor what is going on I'm either gonna get thrown in the loony bin or become a human lab rat.”. “Isn’t Allura studying bio-med?” he asked sipping his tea. Sighing the sandy-haired brunette glanced out the window “I don’t know Hunk.” she repeated herself. Hunk gave a sigh of his own he crossed his arms over his chest “We can’t just ignore this and you know it.” “Well can we at least just talk about it later?” Katie hissed in annoyance. Rachelle picked up her coloring page that was inside her menu and showed Katie “Look Katie! I gave the cat glasses like yours!”. A smile crossed the older girl’s face “That’s really cool Rach’!”. Ronda held up her coloring page, it was the same picture except this cat had Hunk’s signature working headband on rather than Katie’s glasses  “I have mine bubba’s headband!”. Both teenagers smiled feeling the worry of all the techno mumbo jumbo leave their thoughts for a little while thanks to the girls, they even joined in on doodling on napkins with the crayons while they waited for their food. Needless to say, the afternoon was saved thanks to the twins, but Katie and Hunk both knew, in the end, they would have to really talk all of this through in order to reach a conclusion even if Katie wished to just ignore it.

-

When Monday came Katie felt as if the whole world was watching her and waiting for her to mess up and reveal that she was now some kind of superhuman. Staring into the full-length mirror in her personal bathroom she felt like she should look slightly different, but she didn’t she still had the same mid back length sandy brown hair, hazel eyes hidden behind reading glasses, and pale freckled skin. “I can do this.” she mumbled to herself as she nervously ran her brush through her hair one last time. “Katie!” Matt yelled from outside her bedroom door “Hurry up Shiro is almost here to take us to school!”. “Coming!” she replied and quickly gathered her things. Shiro taking the Holt siblings to school wasn’t anything new, he had been doing it since he got his permit back when Katie was in her last year of middle school so that none of them had to ride the dreaded bus anymore. “Bye Mom! Bye, Dad!” Katie yelled as she ran past the kitchen and towards the front door. “Oh! Bye, sweetie!” her Mother called back. “Have a good day sweet pea!” her Father replied after. Quickly slipping on her shoes that were at the door she then exited the house to see Shiro’s black SUV parked in the driveway, Matt already in the passenger seat as the two talked about who knew what. Opening the passenger side back door Katie climbed in “Talking about me?” she joked. “Oh definitely.” Matt played along with a snort. Shiro shook his head with a smile on his face “We were talking superheroes.”. “Never took you for a superhero fan, Shiro” Katie said buckling. “I mean I really wasn’t until Matt showed me this one, his name is Barry Allen and his super ego is known as The Flash, pretty cool dude.” he replied as he backed out. “How insane would it be if stuff like that could actually happen?” Matt added. Katie gave her best attempt at a laugh trying to hide her nerves “Yeah, it would be pretty insane.”. Keith, Shiro’s adopted younger brother and one of Katie’s best friends took his headphones out “You guys are both nerds.”. “Says the guy who's listening to five years old All Time Low songs.” Shiro snorted. Katie and Matt stifled a laugh while Keith shot a death glare towards the rear view mirror so Shiro could see it. Katie was thankful Keith was with them, he was easily her third best friend next to Hunk and Lance even if he and Lance didn’t really get along all that well, he was her cryptid and alien buddy. Once they were at the school Katie quickly hopped out of the SUV and made a b line for the school’s front doors, Keith easily keeping up with her as they entered Altea High with it’s oh so familiar smell of sub par cafeteria food and teachers lounge coffee. “Hey, Pidge!...Mullet.” Lance called out their nicknames as he approached them. Keith groaned “You’re annoying. See you first period Katie.” he said ruffling his friend hair before walking off to his locker “Man, what’s his issue?” Lance asked as he walked with Katie towards the cafeteria. Katie shrugged “I mean you could call him by his actual name you know.”. He smirked “Mullet isn’t his actual name?” he joked. She elbowed his side as a small smile crossed her face “Come on at least try to be nice McClain.”. “Ouch last name! That hurts Holt.” he said putting an arm around her shoulders as they entered the cafeteria. Removing his arm from around her Katie sat down across from Hunk and Shay at their table while the two lovebirds were sharing a cutesy moment of debating who loved who the most, it was enough to make her lose her appetite. Lance faked a loud cough causing the pair to look up “Hey.”. “Oh hey, Lance.” Hunk waved with a smile then looked to Katie “Hey to you too.”. Katie nodded and looked to the side signaling to Hunk that she needed to talk to him. “Ah, I'll be right back okay?” he said looking to Shay. Shay nodded “I need to go find Allura anyway to give her back her notes.” Hunk nodded and told Lance that he and Katie would be right back which earned a questioning eyebrow raise from the other male. “You two hiding something from me?” Lance asked. Hunk shook his head “It’s just robotics club stuff.” he lied. “Yeah!” Katie added. “And you can’t talk about it around me?” the Cuban asked. “Lance anytime we mention robotics you either fall asleep while we talk or change the topic.” she replied placing her hands on her hips. “True, alright see you guys later!” Lance said heading for the lunch line. Hunk and Katie both gave a sigh of relief and made their way outside of the school and to the back alley way where they could talk in private. “Alright, so any new discoveries?” Hunk asked leaning against the wall. Katie shook her head “No, but that doesn’t mean whatever this isn’t going to act up today.”. He nodded in agreement “Yeah I mean if you do that google search thing again you’re bound to look suspicious.” Groaning the brunette slid down the wall burying her face in her hands “Hunk what am I gonna do?”. “I really think we need to tell Allura.” Hunk answered. “Tell me what?” A familiar feminine voice asked. Katie yelped in surprise as she looked up to see the one and only Allura, her light blond nearly white hair was braided and thrown over her shoulder giving the full view of her curious and suspicious blue eyes. “N-Nothing!” Katie squeaked out waving her hands wildly “It’s nothing!”. Allura frowned “Katie you know you can tell me anything.” ‘Except this’ Katie thought. Hunk couldn’t hold it in anymore “Katie has super powers!” “Hunk!” Katie hissed. “I’m sorry, okay, but this is just weird and Allura is the only person we know who could possibly help!” He said throwing his arms out on either side of him. Allura has a small chuckle “That’s a funny joke guys, now what’s really going on?”. Katie sighed running her hands through her hair “It’s...It’s not a joke.”. The older female’s eyebrows knitted together “Katie it’s physically impossible for super powers to be well real.”. Looking around to make the coast was clear first Katie touched her inner left forearm causing the keyboard to light up “Well they are.”.

[matchingvnecks]

Andrew Rannells: Girls’ Best Friend

As Girls enters its finale season, we visit its resident gay best friend Andrew Rannells for a look at how his career has evolved — along with his character on the hit series.

There’s no missing Andrew Rannells. From the instant he strides onstage in the current Broadway revival of Falsettos, you’ll notice that, at 6’1”, he towers over his costars. Put his bearded face on a product, and it would move a mountain of Brawny towels or sell enough cans of Manwich to feed an army. Clean-shaven — as Rannells is onstage tonight — he radiates a post-fratboy glow that still find him playing parts a decade younger than his 38 years. Rannells’ evolution from fresh to familiar face has been like watching an languid summer afternoon roll by. He’s gracefully lept from Promise Ring roles like Elder Price, which he originated in the hit musical The Book of Mormon, to more acerbic characters like Elijah, the one-man Greek chorus who appears to pamper (then puncture) the inflated egos of the galpals who populate the beloved HBO series, Girls. It’s not easy, he says, but “I know my skill set and my strengths. I just do what I do.” Stage vs. Screen In demand on two coasts, Rannells has a Red Bull-binge awareNess that this is his moment, and he’s determined to make the most of it. Much of the time, he ricochets from sitcom sets to the stages of Broadway stage. These days he’s wrapping up Girls’ sixth and final season. Between that and Falsettos, Rannells briefly stepped in to play King George in Hamilton when Jonathan Groff left to finish the Looking film finale. One can’t help but wonder how long Rannells thinks it’s possible to maintain this bustling bi-coastal, multi-media lifestyle — and whether one career path must ultimately win out. ”Well, theater will always be nearest and dearest,” Rannells muses. “It’s where I feel most comfortable and in control and happiest.” He knows it’s rare to be in such demand that he can pick and choose between theater and TV projects. But his coworkers and representation have long become accustomed to Rannell’s need to alternate between screen and stage: “They understand,” he says with certainty. “I need this to recharge.” Despite living in a maelstrom of activity, Rannells remains remarkably polite, grateful and calm. Why? “I’m fortunate to be a gay man at a time when there are great roles to play,” he explains. “I’ve been lucky that way, because I have no issue playing gay men — since I am one — as long as there’s a good script. You just have to find the right ones.” Finding His People Rannells attributes his breezy optimism to his Irish/Polish origins in Omaha, Nebraska, where he was born fourth of five children. Neither oldest nor youngest, Rannells had to distinguish himself somehow; theater quickly became his ticket out of obscurity. “I was not initially very outgoing,” he admits, “but through my involvement with theater, I gradually became more comfortable. “I do remember back in kindergarten I developed a strange little clique that lasted up through eighth grade,” he says, flashing that megawatt smile. “Three guys who eventually came out as gay. Obviously that was a godsend, because they were accepting of me and I of them — even though being gay was never openly spoken about. It was, somehow, something we understood between the three of us. I mean, I remember lip-syncing to Cher in my friend’s basement.” Rannells attended an all-boys Catholic high school where “it took me a second to find my people. But eventually I made a great group of friends, some of whom I’m still in touch with,” he recalls. “While it was all-male, it was also a Jesuit school, where the teachings are ones of acceptance and there’s a lot of room for interpretation of the scriptures.” As a teen, Rannells became a familiar fixture on local stages, and by 18 he’d landed a string of voice-over parts and a commercial spoofing Grease opposite a young Amy Adams. But New York was always tugging at his sleeve, and so — with little more than the zeal to perform — Rannells moved East and began parlaying his voiceover experience into directing cartoons for Fox and Warner Brothers. “I did Sonic the Hedgehog,” he laughs, “along with many others. I directed the voiceover portion. So there I was at 23, trying to get performances out of actors making these Saturday morning cartoons and trying to sync to the originals when we dubbed them over from Japanese.” At the same time, the sense of treading water gnawed at him, until finally something snapped, he says. “I was going deeper and deeper into debt; so I thought I’d see if could just get anywhere by auditioning.” Rannells quit school and began seeing casting agents.

Saying “Hello!” to Broadway In 2002, Rannells was cast to play the title role in an Austin, Texas production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The show was a runaway hit and quickly ballooned from a four-week to a four-month run. He walked away with the local scene’s award for best actor in a musical. That was heartening, but only a hint of things to come. “My big break,” Rannells always says, “came from Hairspray.” “I was an understudy for nine months — then to get to be a lead on Broadway was something amazing.” By then, Hairspray was already in its third year; so although he could finally call himself a Broadway song-and-dance man, Rannells wasn’t exactly hot on the radar of industry professionals who could put him in bigger parts. His whole universe shifted again when the actor learned about a hush-hush project being assembled by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. Rannells says he landed the lead in The Book Of Mormon the old fashioned way: by auditioning. “The people behind the show were very secretive, and all we really knew was: that it was about the Mormon church, it was a musical, and that Trey Parker and Matt Stone were doing it.” He heard that the producers were replacing the actor who’d played the role of Elder Price at early readings. “It was really fast,” he says. “It was three auditions: … Something clicked, and I was cast.” Soon after opening, the show became the hottest ticket in town. “I had no idea that it would become what it has,” Rannells admits, “but it was so funny and so smart, I knew we were going to have a very solid audience. It was a surprise that it’s as universal a hit as it has become, that it’s still running and traveled to Salt Lake City.” The Book of Dunham Book of Mormon also allowed Rannells to look for TV roles filmed in NYC. So he took an initially-peripheral role in Girls as Elijah, ex-boyfriend to Hannah (played by series star and creator Lena Dunham). Elijah comes out to her as gay in the show’s third episode. Then, two years into the run of Mormon, Rannells took a vacation during TV pilot season and dashed to LA, where he threw himself into a series of meetings. One of them was with Ryan Murphy, the maestro behind Glee and American Horror Story. “I learned he was working on a show about gay parents [based on Murphy’s own life], and I asked him about it. I had this strange moment of confidence. I thought, ‘I don’t know much about this, but I want to be a part of it.’” A month later, he got the offer to play Murphy’s alter-ego in The New Normal. Rannells had two seasons under his belt playing bestie to the ladies of Girls; so he was understandably itchy to play a lead. He met with Dunham and series producer Judd Apatow. “They said of course I had to try this.” Despite the magic of the Murphy name, The New Normal struggled to find its audience. The challenge was evident: Shows like Modern Family and Will & Grace proved that America could embrace gay characters, but were network audiences ready for a show where gay people were central rather than showcased for spice or comic relief? Normal was cancelled at the end of its first season. When asked if the show was ahead of its time, Rannells is quick to respond: “That’s exactly what I think. Modern Family was very successful and Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet were hugely popular; so it seemed like a good time for a show like ours. But New Normal was principally about gay people trying to have a baby, and Justin Bartha and I were the focus. We had a great cast with Ellen Barkin, Bebe Wood and the rest, but — at its heart — it was the gay couple’s story. Maybe it was too soon for that.”

The show ended, but Rannells didn’t miss a beat. In no time, he says, “Lena offered me my job back on the third season of Girls and it’s been great to be back and see Elijah grow and evolve.” In fact, Elijah has since gone on to become one of the most multi-layered gay characters ever put on a television screen. He’s dealt with issues of sexual fluidity — sleeping with Allison Williams’ character Marnie, and when Hannah’s Dad came out as gay late in life, he turned to Elijah for comfort and counsel. Most recently, Elijah grappled with his desire for monogamy while dating a decidedly non-monagamous TV personality (played by House of Cards alum Corey Stoll). In a show that relies on irresponsible antics for its humor, Elijah often ends up the only adult in the room. “This season, I’m looking forward to showing even more different parts of Elijah. He’s no longer the messy friend, you know?” Rannells offers. “And there’s the storyline with Cory Stoll, where I get to continue to try to be more grown up and proud. Of course, Elijah still observes the girls just as the audience does, and I still get to call them out on their B.S. and being narcissistic.” Getting Bigger Dreams Rannells is now weighing his options for the future, since Girls will soon say goodbye and the lights of Falsettos won’t stay lit forever. “It’s like Oprah says, once you’ve achieved a dream, you’ve got to get bigger dreams,” he reasons. “That’s sort of been my approach. You get where you wanted to go, and move the line several steps.” It’s worth noting that Rannells’ star has risem parallel to the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the beginning of marriage equality. Unlike generations before him, he was not as seriously faced with the possibility that being openly gay and playing gay characters could threaten his career. But he’s wary that the incoming Trump administration may yet prove a danger to that kind of freedom. “What to do? “My plan is to stay vigilant,” he says.

Now when he’s asked if playing gay characters has limited him, Rannells sets the doubters straight: “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone ask straight guys if it’s limiting playing a straight guy. I know a lot of gay roles are played by straight people, and if they’re the best people for the job — well, fine. But playing gay? I have a little insight into that.” The final season of Girls premieres Sunday, February 12 on HBO. Visit hbo.com for more details.

[ricardosousalemos]

Weezer: Weezer (Blue Album)

Weezer mastermind Rivers Cuomo was such a somber kid that his second-grade teacher trained the other students to tell him, in unison, “Let me see the smile.” Childhood in Yogaville, the ashram and Integral Yoga HQ led by “Woodstock guru” Swami Satchidananda in eastern Connecticut, was isolating, devoid of much pop culture and adventure—until Cuomo heard Kiss. When a family friend brought their fifth album, 1976’s Rock and Roll Over, to the Cuomo house, it sent Rivers and younger brother Leaves launching off furniture in a way only formative music can. “I’ve pretty much based my life around that record,” he has said. With their comic-book personas and distorted riffs, Kiss cracked Cuomo’s young brain wide open and rewired it for good. He had little idea what debauchery they were singing of, but from that point on, Cuomo began having intense dreams about becoming a rock star, and he began obsessively studying the work of his songwriting heroes.

For Rivers, music offered both a coat of armor and an identity. As a pre-teen enrolled in public school for the first time, Cuomo went by a different first name and his stepfather’s last name (Kitts); his chosen moniker—Peter Kitts—was awfully close to that of Kiss drummer Peter Criss. And while Cuomo was still picked on as he made his way through puberty, he eventually found his people: the metalheads. In 1989, Cuomo moved from Connecticut with his high school band to Los Angeles, ground zero for the AquaNetted and Spandexed. There, he found himself in the midst of shifting tastes, both culturally and personally. He started working at the Sunset Boulevard Tower Records, where he was schooled on quintessentially “cool” music like the Velvet Underground, Pixies, and Sonic Youth.

Also in the mix at this time was a new band called Nirvana. When Cuomo first heard “Smells Like Teen Spirit” on the radio in late 1991 while washing dishes in an Italian restaurant, he was sorta pissed he didn’t write it himself. “Rivers says, ‘I should have written that,’” remembered early Weezer guitarist Jason Cropper in John D. Luerssen’s band biography, River’s Edge. “And I’m like, ‘Yeah. That’s totally true.’ Because the music he was writing was improving in quality every day.” Cuomo’s interest in Nirvana became an obsession. He’d taken notes from Brian Wilson, the Beatles, Scorpions, Yngwie Malmsteen, and, of course, Kiss. But for all his knowledge of rock history, he still cared deeply about writing anthems that spoke to his generation, even if he had trouble looking his peers in the eyes.

Weezer anthems were destined to be different. In 1994, the acts dominating the modern rock charts were pushing against something, from the British aesthetes (Depeche Mode, New Order, Morrissey) to the singular weirdos (Beck, Tori Amos, Red Hot Chili Peppers) to the disenfranchised youth (Nirvana, Green Day, Pearl Jam). With rebellion came a facade of cool, and that was something Weezer could never manage, at least not in the traditional way. Cuomo always tried a little too hard. He would become the fidgety anti-frontman with a thousand “revenge of the nerds” taglines and a Harvard degree to prove it. That dichotomy—the big-time rockstar in khakis and Buddy Holly glasses, who never seems totally comfortable in his own skin—is what launched his cult and anchored his unlikely sex appeal. And his band—drummer Patrick Wilson, bassist Matt Sharp, and guitarist Brian Bell—played along, accentuating their innate geekiness to make Weezer feel like a unified front. 

By the summer of 1993, Cuomo had written a number of songs strong enough to convince the alt-rock major DGC to sign Weezer (this despite a lack of buzz around the L.A. scene) and have the Cars’ frontman Ric Ocasek produce their first album. When the group’s self-titled debut—typically known as The Blue Album—arrived in May 1994, Cobain had been dead for a month. A feeling of dread hung over the alternative rock world whose prominence was ushered in by the Seattle sound. With their wired energy, effortless power-pop-punk hooks, and Beach Boys harmonies, Weezer took the alt-rock explosion in a new direction. You couldn’t quite tell if Cuomo was mocking his song’s regressive narrators or sympathizing with them. But once you got past his defense mechanisms and sorting through the humor and cultural references, you found a portrait of a young man’s psyche, riddled with angst and insecurity. And it arrived on the wings of massive riffs and gnarled guitar solos that sounded like they were emanating from a Flying V—on every single song. 

The Blue Album’s exploration of the fragile male ego is in full swing by the record’s second track, “No One Else.” Taken at face value, this is likely the most misogynistic song Weezer has ever released. “I want a girl who will laugh for no one else,” Cuomo sings while the band rushes through the fuzzy pop-punk changes, evoking the hyperbole of masculinity. But there’s more beneath the surface. “‘No One Else’ is about the jealous-obsessive asshole in me freaking out on my girlfriend," Cuomo has said. The song acquires even more resonance in the context of its sequencing on the record. Cuomo described the following song, “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” as “the same asshole wondering why she's gone.” In actuality, he spends most of “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” muttering to his ex’s wallet photograph and masturbating to her memory, getting in a joke along the way, saying she enjoyed the sex “more than ever.” It’s an absurd scene, but imagine the sentiment coming from the wrong person and it’s suddenly not so funny. Weezer were masterful at walking this line between knowing jokiness and legitimately creepy dysfunction.

This base kind of arrested development shifts back and forth between the narrator’s relationship with girls and his views on himself. If “No One Else” and “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” are mirror twins, so are “Surf Wax America” and “In the Garage.” Given that Weezer were named after a common term for asthma sufferers, no one expected them to be out on a board riding the waves. That tension animates “Surf Wax America,” a well-crafted jumble of harmonic puzzles and barreling punk guitars where the hedonistic surfer lifestyle is both celebrated and chided for its simplistic worldview. Even while the song sneers, the ferocity of Cuomo screaming “Let’s go!” juxtaposed with the solemnness of the band’s Wilsonian harmonies make you believe, once again, in Weezer’s sincerity. Meanwhile, “In the Garage” is an homage to that happy place where no one judges you for your comic books, D&D figurines, and Kiss posters. It seems like over-the-top self-parody, but the garage was indeed a real place where early Weezer practiced and recorded when Cuomo, Sharp, and original guitarist Justin Fisher lived together in the “Amherst House” near Santa Monica. The hopeless ambition of “In the Garage” would make it the defining song of nerd-rock.

In between “Surf Wax America,” a fantasy about someone completely different, and “In the Garage,” a hyper-detailed song about himself, lies a song about his father. There are two more nakedly emotional songs on Blue, which are set off further by Cuomo’s rare embrace of laid-back guitars. Atop a bluesy jangle, “Say It Ain’t So” details the moment when Cuomo’s deepest worries are realized: He sees a beer in the fridge and, remembering how his father drank before he walked out, he senses his stepfather is doing the same. He fears now that he, too, is destined for this fate. Pinkerton, Weezer’s sophomore album, is often described as the tortured confessional to end all tortured confessionals, essentially a diary of Cuomo’s notorious Asian fetish. But “Say It Ain’t So” is just as raw, and arguably has more that its listeners can use, throwing its arms wide open to anyone who’s known the trauma of dad issues. The music is constructed perfectly, building and building until what's left of Cuomo's vulnerability comes out as a bitterly frayed "yeah-yeah," all capped by a guitar solo worthy of the Scorpions.

The desire to write a perfect song can drive some songwriters mad, as their belief in music as a vehicle for emotional expression reconciles itself with the belief that pop is a puzzle that can be solved. On Blue, Cuomo found the ideal balance, as he rarely has since. He understood the rules so well that he also knew when to break them, from Sharp’s super silly new-wave keyboard in “Buddy Holly” to the mumbled dialogue that runs through “Undone” (the band and their friends chatting were a backup plan after DGC refused to clear dialog from an old sci-fi film, “Peanuts,” and more).

The fact that “Only In Dreams” is eight glorious minutes long is Blue’s greatest example of self-indulgence gone right. It confronts the two most perilous teen-boy anxieties—talking to a girl you really like and dancing in public. It’s fiery, gorgeous, well-played, and devastatingly sad. Sharp’s trudging bassline guides the way forward for the narrator, whose fear of stepping on his crush’s toenails is temporarily silenced by the band’s total calamity. Rock’n’roll teaches us that extreme volume can quiet the voices of doubt inside our heads and numb the pain of living inside our awkward bodies. In this sense, the climaxes on “Only in Dreams,” starting around the song’s midpoint, are rock’n’roll lessons of a lifetime. But it’s the big build at the 6:45 mark that plays like a beta male transfiguration. Having re-recorded Cropper’s guitar parts in one take after essentially firing him following Blue’s 1993 recording at Electric Lady, Cuomo ends up axe-battling himself until he’s soloing like the metal gods he grew up worshipping. Wilson’s drumming—an underrated and idiosyncratic force throughout Weezer’s discography—drives home the catharsis. His cymbals crash from every angle and his tricky rolls play like percussive triple axels. By the end of the song, you’re back to reality, exhausted but ready for a fight—even if it’s just against your own doubting voices.

For all the talk about Rivers Cuomo’s anemic masculinity, The Blue Album has a unifying thread of identity that supersedes gender. An essay on the Smiths pointed out that, “Asking people about their interest in the Smiths is another way of asking this question: ‘How did you survive your teenage years?’” The same could be said of Weezer’s debut. Blue quivers with isolation if you look past the pastiche, the deflective humor, and the guitar lines that make you sit up tall. The emotion Weezer tapped into is echoed in music sometimes considered distinctly millennial due to its high levels of anxiety, from Death Cab for Cutie and Carseat Headrest to Mitski’s Puberty 2 and even Drake at his most neurotic.

For as classic as the album is considered now, Blue didn’t make the 1994 Pazz & Jop year-end critics’ poll. Back then, Weezer were considered alt opportunists or even Pavement ripoffs—a comparison that seems silly now, looking at the distinct rock strains since indebted to Cuomo. But MTV and radio airplay for “Buddy Holly” and “Undone — The Sweater Song” made Weezer huge, and The Blue Album went double-platinum within 15 months of its release. Over the next three years, as Weezer 1.0 slowly imploded (bye-bye Matt Sharp, hello rotating door of bassists), the record would sell a million more and be well on its way to canonization. By 2003, Pitchfork named it one of the best records of the 1990s; two years later, Rolling Stone heralded it as the 299th greatest album ever. And so Blue now sits in a sweet spot of commercial accessibility and critical adoration, a combination that guarantees the album will make its way into the hands of a certain kind of bespectacled teenager for decades to come—the ones who really need it. Cuomo never wrote a song as indelible as “Seems Like Teen Spirit,” but he did reach generations of rock kids, proving that coolness is optional if you study hard enough.