#you can ignore or read the skit i don’t mind either way

[train-trio-frenzy]

Inside Clover’s Brain…

<clover is in a room with so much noise they can’t concentrate on what people are saying>

goddamn it—!

*draco hides under the console and takes a quick peek*

i can’t mask their emotions anymore, i need backup…

*paintbrush lays down*

this ain’t Call of Duty scaredy cat :p

*the phone starts playing A1- it’s just a burning memory*

what the-how the hell do you know the game—

*groans* did you increase the sharpness to their hearing?? please tell me you activated the shield in case somebody threw the baby talk, threats, the cold shoulder, “i didn’t ask you”’s, or…BAH! IT DOESN’T MATTER! is Clover ok??

…no.

*starts sweating*

…oh shit. why are they even here? it’s too loud…!

…but we’re talking though—! how are we gonna get out of the situation without LEAVING???

*starts tearing up a bit*

so when’s it my turn? :3

…fuck…it’s really REALLY loud, we gotta get out.

w-what??

…?

<clover gets out quickly and goes to a corner to cry in>

*sighs* WE WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY THERE!! People are gonna think Clover’s not interested in THEM!! WE’VE STORMED OUT AND LEFT SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES, and ITS TIME FOR IT TO BE DONE—

…

…ranglore?

…

*he starts to feel remorse from the burden, past social trauma, past and small or big mistakes and probably the noise clover’s been through, now it almost seems like he’s being reminded of his past, with a lot of trauma and…expectations which didn’t allow him to be himself whenever he wanted to…*

…oh. i didn’t mean to like…make you ashamed of your choice.

*stands up and gives ranglore a soft pat on the shoulder*

…it was a good choice, I guess. but who am i to judge the choices for them? it’s up to you all. and there’s nothing stopping y’all from doing it.

*smiles at the emotions and ranglore*

*smiles back at draco and the other emotions shyly*

:)

meanwhile with twimbly:

*he’s tied up and has tape over his mouth*

…MMPH! MMRPH! MMMMMPH!

(RANGLORE I SWEAR I’LL RUIN CLOVER’S MINDSET ONCE I RUN LOOSE AGAIN!!)

[baddiedaddy7]

💚🐸𝙈𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙎𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨🐸💚

𝗔𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀

attention span is not long. may ditch old ideas, if they get bored, or find something more interesting. HAS to win an argument. may think being the louder one during an argument is the way to win lmao. talks in a dynamic way. argumentive. may make a good public speaker. may text too fast, and mess up on a few words. communication style is aggressive(always has to be right, loud, might scapegoat, etc). humor may be childish(fart jokes, butt jokes, burp jokes, just dumb shit in general lol), or humor that involves getting injured(hitting your head on something, tripping, etc). slapstick humor

𝗧𝗮𝘂𝗿𝘂𝘀

great attention span, but may be a slow learner or talker. talks with stability/most likely doesn’t stutter. doesn’t mind staying on the same topic/not changing the subject. like aries, in an argument they will rarely admit they were wrong, hard-headed. arguing with these ppl are the worst, since they don’t allow others to have opinions which is annoying asf(my sister has this lmao, and i have a taurus mars, so you could imagine💀). your mind rarely changes, once made up. not the most open minded. talks with practicality. may type slow tbh lmao, and dry. may also take a century to reply. communication style may be passive aggressive(may not like being straightforward, “i didn’t think you’d pass this class, but good job”, etc) humor may be well written skits, or roasts.

𝗚𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶

attention span is fleeting. curious about numerous of things. may stutter thanks to gemini jittery energy. rarely turns down a debate, might even lie in a disagreement to win😃. first to speak if it’s too quiet for too long. type of person to have random knowledge or may know fun facts. talks with wit. types fast, replies fast, just very active on social media. meme user. sends messages in short patches instead of just one big paragraph. communication style is passive aggressive(may mumble under breath, etc). humor may be random. may love puns.

𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿

attention span is good, esp if it’s topics they feel with. may be bias in an argument between other ppl😬. may want to “hug” it out lmao. may like to talk abt emotional topics. talks with care. probably uses emojis a lot. writes paragraphs/in long sentences. communication style varies tbh😭. i’m just gonna do passive-aggressive(backhanded compliments, talks behind your back instead of confronting you) or assertive(expressing your wants and needs, while considering others feelings). inside jokes are your thing, goofy asf with ppl you’re comfortable with. dry humor

𝗟𝗲𝗼

attention span may be short lived. may only talk abt themselves which can be annoying💀. believe it or not, they may take a calm/chill approach in an argument. overdramatic in their speech. talks with confidence. keeps the conversation interesting/not dry. initiator in group chats. usually replies fast. communication style is assertive(uses “i”, knows their worth, etc). playful name calling is their type of humor.

𝗩𝗶𝗿𝗴𝗼

attention span may not be that good tbh(like their opposite sign, they daydream off into the distance). talks with practicality. make sure to fact check, when arguing with these ppl, or they may verbally violate you. very nit picky ppl, and may be big complainers. may abbreviate a lot of words lmao. another dry texting placement, and rarely uses emojis. communication style is passive aggressive(throws shade lmao, may like to just go with the flow, etc). may make fun of yourself to get laughs. might like humor that criticizes/makes fun of things/ppl in general. their humor has some truth to it😓.

𝗟𝗶𝗯𝗿𝗮

attention span is usually good. easy going in speech. talks with equality. can also be charismatic. may ppl please. in arguments, they can try to compromise, and fix everything, even when it’s unfixable. dislikes conflict, and may need to learn to embrace them. may dislike ppl that curse a lot, or are loud. the way you text may be unclear to some. also texting isn’t direct, and may use things like “k” or “nice”. communication style is passive(lacks eye contact, doesn’t want any conflict even though they feel some type of way, etc). another placement that likes well written jokes, and may have a strong dislike for dark/inappropriate humor lol.

𝗦𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗶𝗼

attention span is attentive. you’re not easy to read, and it can take time to truly know you. you may over analyze and get suspicious over the dumbest things. observant, and might be into psychology. in arguments, doesn’t tolerate dumb shit. can be a bit of a ghost when it comes to texting. tries to get in your business and asks random shit. might not text too much info, since they don’t want ppl to screenshot the chat lmao. assertive is your communication style(considers others feelings, uses “i”, etc) or aggressive(yells, tries to intimidate you, etc). humor may be dark, offensive, and/or taboo/inappropriate. sexual jokes.

𝗦𝗮𝗴𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘂𝘀

attention span is actually good, if they’re interested, if not then it’s non existent. either rlly open or rlly closed minded. you may mistake being blunt for being honest or some ppl may mistake your realness for being rude. talks with rowdiness. in arguments, may be hostile. uses “:), </3” instead of “😃💔” in text. but then again, may use actual emojis a bit. communication style is aggressive(loud, doesn’t consider others feelings, etc). humor may be mocking accents, sarcasm, and/or satire.

𝗖𝗮𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗻

attention span is short, if what you’re talking abt isn’t important to us. fluent in atleast 2 languages, which are sarcasm, and facts. we don’t have time or patience for ignorance. we may come off as standoffish, when in reality we just stick to ourselves or we’re just too honest. talks with common sense. talking is soothing, atleast i’ve been told. i feel like we use facts in an argument more than emotions, but me personally i try to include both(this is my placement :)). probably doesn’t use caps in text. may have a lot of ppl on delivered. reply game varies based on person, only replies fast to important ppl. communication style is most likely assertive(has a backbone, stands up for themselves without being loud, etc). humor is satire, dark/offensive, and/or sarcastic. if you have tiktok, you definitely know abt satire humor LMAO.

𝗔𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘂𝘀

attention span is only good if they care. says random things. takes forever to reply. talks with detachment. observant. in arguments, probably doesn’t think of others feelings, and just says whatever. may be harsh in arguing. another placement that probably uses this “<3, :), etc” instead of “❤️😃”. may ghost your messages. communication style is passive aggressive(talks shit behind your back, may not care to confront others, etc). surreal humor, humor is eccentric lol. may like adult animated shows

𝗣𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝘀

attention span isn’t good, since they daydream a lot. might say personal stuff in accident. relatable. great listeners. talks with warm heartedness. cool in arguments, and will stand up for what they feel is right if necessary. another placement that may use emojis a lot. texting may be emotional. shitty grammar. communication style is passive(goes with the flow, bad eye contact/body language, hates drama, etc). another placement that makes jokes abt sex. may joke abt drugs(other ppl doing it or themselves, or ppl acting like their on drugs lmao)

please keep in mind that other things will affect certain traits, like your moon sign. don’t plagiarize, and have a good day🤍

[c0rrupt3dsp1r1t]

So- my thoughts on the episode. Spoilers!!!

Dan's exit could've been interesting and it wasn't really, but it was a very normal human thing to do and Dan has been played straight as a very normal human guy, so makes sense.

I'm happy they recruited Ace and Tegan to UNIT rather than continuing Ace's charity story. They already seemed to do everything they could with it in Big Finish and the ACE book and it doesn't fit on-screen Ace well at all. She could've given the company over to someone else or be using it to fund UNIT when the government doesn't want to, but being in the field rather than behind a desk is... mmm. So much better. (I'll have to edit my longfic draft a bit, I was waiting for the episode to come out to add her section, but not too drastically)

I didn't expect them to confirm Tegan/Nyssa one way or the other. Farewell, Sarah Jane is nice, but the Doctor Who Lockdown stories that weren't for the book have been almost completely ignored thus far and I doubt that'll change. For instance, Big Finish gave present Ace a K-9, (in her weakest story imo) but it explicitly wasn't Sarah Jane's.

They also don't outright deny/confirm other expanded media either. "Three decades for me" could mean a number of things, including new meetings with the Doctor getting lost in Ace's short-term memory thanks to Brax and she just didn't age much until she was put back in her own time after Gallifrey.

There is a very particular itch for the Master for me that only Sacha Dhawan has scratched and Rasputin and taking the Doctor's body presumably for the extra (now possibly infinite) lives, something he's always wanted to do but never quite succeeded in doing- letting him actually do it, all felt very fresh.

The past faces manifesting in their mind during a time of terrible danger thing hasn't been done on TV I don't think, and it was done in the perfect surreal way.

The hologram 5 and 7 were adorable. Five comforting Tegan about Adric and Seven making up with Ace and acknowledging she's grown up and he's proud of her on-screen. (Chibnall you actually remembered that he's basically her dad when so many writers have forgotten that especially with the few modern-day Ace stories.)

I felt very teased with the possibility of a Thasmin kiss. They didn't have to, but that left something balled up in my chest. The ice creams were quite literally sweet though.

All of the bad guys are just fodder for the Master, that's kinda meh. His plan being trigger every volcano on Earth to cause a doomsday rather than just hyperbeaming it with his death star planet is a very Classic Master plan though.

Kate didn't do much and that makes me sad. Still no Osgood=homophobic. I don't make the rules. At least she's not dead, even though Chibnall could do so justifiably, since the (Jenna Redgrave) Kate is his character.

The plot is messy but there is a through line and it comes to a decent conclusion after that huge rollercoaster.

Companion support group is an official thing now I thought that would only ever exist in fanfic and comedy skits.

The end... I'm sorry. I just didn't like it. I never liked 10, he's my least favourite Doctor. I'd have preferred if they did half the regeneration here, fade to white, credits roll, the other half in the next special, because while I love David Tennant in other roles (especially Crowley) I cannot stand his Doctor, think he’s overstayed his welcome and wish I could ignore it.

Overall I think it's a good story and it has all the love for classic who that I wish the 50th had but didn't. Better written than DotD? I don't think so, but I like it better. (For one I actually like most of the characters involved, not only 3 of them) It definitely feels like a comfort episode, very self-indulgent, very camp and fun, fanfic-y but in a good way- but also this thing is a straight-up whole action movie, not an ordinary special.

Also you can still 100% tell that after series 10 Chibnall binge-read the VNAs, has the same vibes as the books, including one I was reading last night. To be fair Transit is all about space trains but that's just a coincidence I totally forgot there'd be a space train in the episode .

[writer-and-artist27]

Book Reflections

Note: Inspired by this skit from the Chaldea Gurus, some of the new interludes in Interlude Campaign 9 in FGO that featured Murasaki Shikibu, and the feelings I felt when I ended up pulling both Jeanne and Jeanne Alter (Avenger) in the same span of time. I’ll refer you all to this song from the apparent Tsukihime anime I never knew about until now, just for a tone-setter.

Written to give myself a mental break before starting to study for my Immunology final.

For @partialdignity, as fluff inspiration and just because our conversations in this past week has been helping me regain energy. Small mentions to Rem and @hasquetzdoneanythingwrong with his pairing in Rex and Quetzalcoatl have also been thrown in for good measure.

Please enjoy, friends. :)

------------------------------------

It didn’t take much for Vy to blink once a shadow was looming over the previously lit pages in her hands. It was hard to ignore the long strand of black hair brushing the edges of the page she was poking at, too. “What are you reading, Master?”

Vy slowly raised her head from her book, squinting as best as she could to focus her view before lurching back a little. “Oh. H-Hi, Saki-san.”

“Hello to you too, Vy.” Even with her image blurred from Vy having put down her glasses, Murasaki Shikibu’s smile was still easy to make out as the Caster kneeled down to Vy’s sitting height, purple eyes warm and inviting. “You don’t have to sit against the shelves to read,” Murasaki continued in the same soft voice, raising a hand to gently press her palm against Vy’s head. Vy couldn’t help but notice a single index finger in particular brushing some stray hairs away from her forehead. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“I-It’s been a while since someone asked that to me, Saki-san,” Vy replied in just as quiet of a voice, a wry smile on her face. “But,” Vy glanced down at the book in her hands before shrugging her shoulders in Murasaki’s general direction. “I’m just reading a book that my parents once read to me.”

“Ah,” Murasaki said. “May I see?”

“Aye.” Vy gently placed her Eevee Pokémon card (it made for a good bookmark in her opinion) in-between the pages to mark her place, nestling the small thing just above the book’s spine before closing it and handing it to Chaldea’s librarian. Muraski’s eyes skimmed the covers for a moment before widening, and she raised her head to look at Vy with surprise and what Vy could only guess as warmth and care. “I’m guessing it’s a surprise to see me read this?”

“A little bit, but it makes sense considering it’s you, Vy,” Murasaki said, although her voice came out all the more gentle and fond with the inflection. “I heard from the other Servants how you knew about some of us from reading as a child, but I didn’t exactly expect to see this after everything you’ve been through.”

Vy giggled a little, taking the book back once Murasaki offered it to her. “Even when knowing the real people, there’s something about coming back to the books that makes me feel like I’m back at home with Mommy and Daddy, Saki-san. Reading National Geographic’s reiteration of Robin Hood just brings back the nostalgia when I need a break. Everyone’s been running around for Quetz-san’s birthday lately, so the library’s been a good place to be alone.” A shaky, nervous laugh left Vy’s lips as she glanced down at the book in her hands. “More so when I haven’t exactly figured out a present yet. Rex might have my head if Quetz-san doesn’t.”

Murasaki’s hand froze mid-retraction from Vy’s head. “Master…”

Even without her glasses, Vy could see Murasaki’s hesitation, and thus reached up with her own hand to rest a palm against Murasaki’s cheek. “I’m okay, Saki-san,” she said softly. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure something out.”

“That… is a hard thing to abide by, not worrying about you,” Murasaki replied, but she still reached up to grip the hand Vy was using to cup her cheek, squeezing softly. “But as long as you don’t push yourself, then I can settle for that much, Master.”

Vy smiled up at the Caster. “I’ll do my best, Saki-san.”

Murasaki let Vy’s hand go at the exact same time Vy turned back to her book, but she still sat down on her knees near Vy’s side, long hair brushing the floor. “Still, is there anything I could do for you, Vy?”

“Just…” Vy considered, taking a quiet breath. “If it’s okay, some quiet company would be nice, Saki-san."

Murasaki proceeded to shift, and without her full vision, Vy could still see how Murasaki was moving her ceremonial robes underneath her legs so that she could fully sit in quiet seiza next to Vy against the shelves. “Of course,” Caster said softly, smile in her voice. “But why sit against the bookshelves, Vy? We have chairs and those modern ‘bean bags’ in the library if you so wished to rest against those instead.”

“Why not the bookshelves?” Vy pointed out, a giggle leaving her lips again. “When I was little, I’d always like to visit the library and read like this, feeling the books in my hands and the spines of other books against my back. It was cozy. Still is now, actually."

“As much as that is… endearing,” Murasaki said dutifully, “you could strain your back if you keep sitting against the shelves without proper support, Vy.” There was some rustling, and Vy did her best not to resist when a hand was gently pushing at her shoulders so that a cushion could be placed between herself and the bookshelves. “Be careful, okay?”

“Aye, and thankie, Saki-san.” With seating secured, Vy opened her book again, glancing over the faded illustrations and the Pokémon trading card nestled in-between them before smiling again. “I guess, just to explain a little more, if you don’t mind, Saki-san…”

“I don’t mind,” Murasaki said, a hand gently patting Vy’s head all over again. “Go ahead, Master, if it comforts you to talk with me.”

“Then thankie again, for listening.” Vy paused, considering the first thought on her mind. The book underneath her fingers felt a bit colder than before. Maybe it was the air conditioning.

“Vy?” Murasaki said after a moment of silence.

“…I know Big Robin and everyone here won’t leave again if they could say anything about it,” Vy said softly, “but I wanted to come back to this book in particular because it started a lot of things for me.” She closed her eyes, letting her blurred vision go away for a moment to speak freely. “Sometimes, Mommy and Daddy would drive me to the library after school, and I’d find this book and keep rereading it between homework assignments. I still remember looking at the kind man in green and enjoying the idea of a hero who looked out for the common person. For people who were too poor and weak to fend for themselves. And, I get it, sometimes life doesn’t go the way it does in books and fairy tales. But I couldn’t help it.”

Even Big Robin said that, once upon a time.

Murasaki hummed in thought, the hand on Vy’s head gently brushing her hair. “It doesn’t,” she said softly. “But that doesn’t make those stories any less valid, Master.”

“And I’m glad to hear that,” Vy answered, leaning into Murasaki’s touch. “It’s just… it’s still unbelievable sometimes, that there’s so many heroes that I know now that would do that for me.”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Murasaki echoed, her touch lingering against Vy’s scalp as she continued to pet Vy’s hair. “A hero is still human in the end, Vy.”

We love you too much, was left unsaid, but still echoing through their mental connection.

Vy nodded. “Aye…” She still leaned against Murasaki’s hand, feeling a sigh bubble up in her throat. “I just want to make sure I can keep being good to you all to deserve all that.”

Murasaki’s hand froze again, this time mid-stroke of Vy’s hair. “Vy…”

“I-It’s a weird thought, but I couldn’t help thinking it when I look back at all the enemies we’ve fought since the original Chaldea fell,” Vy admitted, lowering her head. “Mash has been sighing a lot more lately, Rem hasn’t been feeling that great either, and with Rex being here and there with our missions, I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing enough, is all…” With a small shrug of her shoulders, Vy turned the page, ignoring the urge to put on her glasses. The words were a bit blurry no thanks to her lacking the usual corrective lenses, but Vy could still see all the pictures and thus find warmth curling up in her chest. It was a better feeling than being weighed down by guilt. “…I just look at our enemies and think, ‘I don’t want to become like them.’”

“Like Kadoc and that other Tamamo?” Murasaki filled in quietly. “Vy, I don’t think you ever will. Become like them, I mean.”

“I-I dunno about that, considering the Lostbelts we had to handle, Saki-san. That other Tama-san…” Vy shook her head. “That wasn’t Tama-san. She was mean, she put people down, and she laughed at all of us like we were nothing. She and that priest killed Da Vinci like it was nothing. She even poisoned a cake like it was nothing, and cake is supposed to be a comfort thingie. Kadoc kept blaming us for his own failures, and,” Vy grit her teeth, “saw Mash as a non-person. Kept boasting that he was better. But… he still fought us when he said he could’ve done better for Humanity. He still became an enemy of Humanity when he claimed he could’ve been better for it. What was the point in all that… All the death…”

Murasaki didn’t say anything.

“I-I guess…” Vy’s index finger lingered on a single picture of a green cloak and bright hair as a sad smile played with her lips. “I wanted to come back to this book just to remind myself that I’m still me. That even after three Lostbelts, after destroying three whole histories of people, I haven’t lost all of me yet when trying to get Mommy and Daddy back. That kindness still means something when it’s one of the first things Mommy and Daddy taught me through this book.”

“Vy…”

Vy raised her head to smile, sheepish laugh leaving her lips. “I-I mean, I hope that makes sense! It’s kinda weird, huh? I-I’m sorry for rambling on you, Saki-san.”

Even with her blurred vision, it was obvious Murasaki was feeling something, because her normally calm features were overcome with what looked like tears. “It’s not weird,” Murasaki said shakily, pulling on the back of Vy’s head to gently bump their foreheads together. “And thank you for telling me this, Master.” A shaky breath echoed between them, and Vy couldn’t tell if it came from her or Murasaki. “You are kind, Vy. So much. More than what a lot could claim of you too, and I hope you continue to stay that way.”

“H-How do you know that, Saki-san?” Vy asked weakly. “N-Not to be rude or anything.”

Instead of responding immediately, Murasaki gently let her hand that was on Vy’s head fall, letting it rest against her ceremonial robes as a sparkle shone in those purple eyes. She then scooted back to provide some extra distance, a new serene smile on her face all the while. “I know, Vy, because I am not the only Servant who feels that way.”

Vy glanced back down at the book in her lap, vaguely registering a hint of something green that wasn’t a part of the illustrations suddenly being in view, before looking up.

Another new hand was on top of her head now (when did that get there?), and Vy blinked once Robin Hood made himself known with a barely audible step forward and the calloused fingers pulling her in just for faintly chapped lips to press against her forehead.

“It’s about time for your scheduled daily nap, little sparrow,” Robin Hood whispered against her head, a gentle smile on his face once he pulled back. Vy could feel her breath stall in her throat as she looked up at him, and he merely offered her glasses to her with his other hand. It was telling how Robin wasn’t even fazed at Murasaki’s surprised and quiet “Awawawa”s at his arrival. “I think that’s enough philosophical reading with Caster when you still have a cake to bake later. Not to mention handling your usual mana drain.”

Vy felt herself smile up at the May King before she realized it, the warmth in her chest growing to eclipse her entire heart. “Always going about checking up on me, huh, Big Robin?”

“Who else is going to do it?” Robin said snarkily, but he still kept his volume to a whisper as he turned his head to wink at Murasaki. “Saber and Rider are still making sure that dancing Samba Santa’s clueless about your birthday plans, little sparrow. You just gotta reserve the kitchen when you wake up later.”

“S-So you did have an idea!” Murasaki said in amazement.

“I know, a-and Saki-san, it’s still in the works.” Vy still gently got up from her sitting place with Robin’s help once he offered his arm, leaning against his shoulder once she was standing and hugging the book that started everything to her chest. “Think I’d be able to convince Rex and Quetz-san that the cake isn’t a lie with maraschino cherries? And that Rem would like double-decker chocolate?”

Even without wearing her glasses, Vy could feel both Robin and Murasaki smile at her.

“I think, Vy,” Murasaki said in a warm whisper, “that as long as you’re not alone, you’ll be just fine.”

[blindtaleteller]

PROMPT: OOC Interview with [X] Clint ‘Cuyler’ Barton

" Been a while since we did one of these.. but. You know the drill man! This is your first interview, yeah? Want to explain why and where you’re from? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Besides trolling the hell out of tags with Viedimadr? *grins* Ah, mostly that’s keeping the core element I guess. Most Bartons are the quintessential superhero, at least in the range of having that alter-ego. Might not wear a mask ‘til Ronin in the MCU? But --and especially with how my character works pre-Avengers; sharing past the job isn’t exactly any of our fortes? We have a family to protect, and if you do the math of how old the kids are even in Ultron: that family has been a thing since before we take the higher ground up out of the paid-SHIELD-killer status I’m in that Nat does mention in the original Avengers. Also usually save it up between the pages and occasional poke into tags and skits here on the dash.

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) As for where I’m from! *he leans back and hooks his hands behind his head* We’re Universe Fourteen; two doors on the left down the connecting Vestibule from Lisan’s Universe, and one to right of the Ego-centrics with Grey Knight and Leadsprite. Ours starts out different in the respect that, Fury ends up getting the Scepter tap instead of me; and the resulting conflict goes very differently.

“ Such as? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) We never even hit New York; Fury tries to snag me in, and under the Stone’s influence that means trying to at best grab my kids since he’s one of the only two people attached who know about them. Loki ends up breaking form and getting in the middle of that. Yanks us off world and out of Fury’s sight, with the goods. That’s where we picked up with our first published bit ‘The Warming Stone’ anyways.

” Speaking of.. what do you think about the split from the original timeline? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) I’m having a lot of fun with it myself. And I’m pretty sure Laura is somewhere outside the room clapping in agreement; she’s quieter than most but a constant presence and; she and Lo get along real well. Anyway. End up dealing with that whole ‘the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots; and I have a bow and arrow’ overwhelmed mentality a lot sooner because of it? I like the existential twists that come with the Dark Fairy Tale elements and whatnot that get thrown out there and right into our faces pretty much immediately, what with running face-first, on foot, into Jotunheim of all places through that doorway in Illinois. We did some collabs with the other guys that run through there, on top of the research and expanded on some of the wildlife ourselves to manage that? So that was some actual fun. This side of the pool I can absolutely admit us Bartons are a bit masochistic? *laughs* I am pretty sure we enjoy exploring those bits and how we’d react to them. I’m no different in that respect. I mean.. how would you react to being a dinner sized meal for labrador-to-great-dane sized snow-caterpillars with the elongated teeth of freakin shark? Or finding out the hard way there’s giant predator owls flying around about the size of a plane that eat those, just as an example? Never mind trolls, or frost giants, or anything else that manages to survive in that kind of insane climate and might decide to try and eat you just to see if you taste good.

” Probably stay inside forever if I was going to be honest? XD Anyway, Is there anything you’d change about your current story? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Considering we’re still building back there? Not yet. I mean, too much fun so far. I mean we’ve done what.. four parts at this point? All during what we’re currently calling the Traveler Phase from Earth to Asgard through the doors between Illinois, Jotunheim, and Vanaheim. Which is interesting in itself. I mean whole other world, and things are shaken up before we even get there and (in part because of the fact that) we end up dependent on our Loki pretty fast. I think maybe my only change there would be in maybe doing another part for Extras that includes ���Ogre’ .. who hasn’t even shown yet at that point in the story. He’s our Bruce Banner; or more specifically our Hulk? Thing is finding a space that won’t interfere too heavily with the book when we do it though. We could excuse the bits in the Traveler Phase because we intended to shorten it when we got there anyway; maybe cut straight to Asgard with that as a supplemental extra; a lot like the GROUNDED kids did with their out-takes featured in the same platovember series.

“ I imagine messing with Universe Three’s next installment’s been helping that along? “

    Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Oh yeah, definitely. That mirror of Bruce’s is pretty similar in mindset and approach.

” That said, do I have to ask if there’s anyone in particular you like to watch or get into reading over their shoulder when they’re at it? “

    Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh definitely The Bean right now, for sure? But there’s a list.. *grins* GROUNDED and DREAMS being woven together finally, especially with  some of the inter-universal roles being brought up is a big one. Looking forward to whipping out that sword.. heh. Though, watching the ESCAPE kids from the other forming Vestibule has been an interesting ride now that they’re not entirely cloistered in Tuscon, or their hotel room. I know what’s up there outside of Traverse too, which helps. And there’s Josh. I think everyone’s been waiting for that fireball to explode across the page? The fact Tony, Lo and Fury managed to somehow make that nutcase all on their own with just a few lines still makes me laugh. Walsh is a character and a half. I’m looking forward to getting my chance at screwing with his mirror in our Door. Leigh is a weird bit of fun too, but Josh is definitely one of those at the top of the list, and who you chose for a face in close rep, is interesting. Maybe Vix too as far as characters go? But he’d a little lower down for me at the moment.

“ Stab, stab pull..? Heh. Which is your favorite upcoming group from the books/portions of Mixology aka the Lokiverse at large? And which are you most curious about? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Ha! yeah; stab-stab, pull. Loxley’s got an interesting bunch next door. *rubs his hands up over the top of his head and back down* Honestly, MONSTERS and ASHES. Ah, that’s Door and or Universes Three and Twelve for those that don’t know. Three has a similar bonding mechanic between Bruce and Lo I’ve been interested in, while ASHES hits on other things, including a rockier relationship and overall dynamic between his Bartons and Redbird (that’s his Quill) that tends to go dark in the personal aspects a lot. I guess I like that struggle between them, personally. Loxley brushes something similar going on post-Ronin with his family dynamic with his internals and his Lo’s concerns for that; but I think Lili and his crew hit that at a whole other angle from around five years prior on? With, a whole other take on the family dynamic that Laura and I have with Lo by the time we leave Asgard. And that’s curious to me.

” I put you guys through a lot of shit in the name of storytelling. Any parts you have complaints about? “ 

   Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) None, planned or otherwise.

“ ..that was fast. “

   Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  What can I say? I enjoy the twisty shit, at least on this end of the pool. Ignoring the reservations, and dealing with the danger-fear of getting hurt in ways that can’t be fixed with stitches or band-aids, of accepting that kind of bond knowing how it started and risking the idea that finding out why might not make that danger less or that person better or more relatable than perceived to be able to accept them farther even after that investment?

  Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) The contradiction of pride and ego versus conscience and the guilt when it belongs there getting in the way -and even dealing with when it should be toned down that results in having one,  even if it’s just a sliver in places and playing that out along with dipping into places mostly ignored or washed over in the Universes; is interesting and fun to me. Danger included. I have a little less guilt than my mirrors in a lot of directions that gets placed elsewhere after we come back to Earth; and I enjoy that dynamic and what we’re trying to explore there. That whole; ‘what if he was loyal, without he stone’s influence’ aspect, in our own flavor is a LOT of fun to play with. It’s a very different Universe, but holds hints and background pieces, and similarities enough, as well as the core; that it’s a feasable alternative to the canon line. Which is extra fun, for the personal aspects or ‘humanity’ we manage in the process? So no.. no complaints. Not yet anyways.. heh. We’ll see how I feel when you start actually touching actual, hands-on Gagnarok fixes and alternates though. Outside of that Cosmic-FrostIron bitty from a few doors down anyway. That’s gonna be a mess.

  “ Whee.. yeah. MONSTERS gets that honor first, most likely.. “

  Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Good. Bean can handle that best, I think... or maybe worst. Either way it’s gonna be entertaining for me..

For those interested, Cuyler’s published stories are found below in chronological order (they were posted out of order in part because of the prompts themselves and some parts were planned ahead to take certain slots.) The title names are the links to each part.

The Warming Stone (part 1)

Fathers (part 4)

The Hart (part 2)

Between the Reds (part 3)

[inthewild-flowers]

I've written a thing! this is short enough that I dont really want to post it on ao3, so it’s going here. yall can blame @pan-and-ready-to-stan for sending me the snl skit that prompted this, and @rosemaldrge for encouraging me. enjoy!!

“It’s so lovely to see young couples out and about these days.” The woman smiled kindly as she passed Sirius his bag. He gave her a small smile that was the bare minimum of politeness, then took the bag and left the store, James following close behind.

“I just don’t get it,” he said, linking his arm through Sirius’s as they headed down the street, “Why do people always think we’re dating?”

Sirius shrugged. “No clue. Where should we go next?”

“Remus wanted tea.”

“Right! Tea it is.”

The tea store was tiny, and its shelves were stacked with countless tins of tea. Sirius was utterly baffled.

“Where’s that one kind? You know, the one with the leaves.”

“Pads. That’s all of them.”

Sirius glared at him. “I’m trying my best here!”

“And you’re doing amazing, love.” James tapped Sirius on the nose, then stuck out his tongue. Sirius jabbed him in the ribs. James yelped.

“Just help me out here? Remus needs his tea.”

“What if I were to tell him you called it “the one with the leaves”? I wonder what he would say then?”

“Fuck off, Prongs.”

“Would he even stay with you?”

“I mean, considering how long we’ve been dating––”

“I don’t know,” James interrupted. “He’d be pretty disappointed.”

“And what if I told Lily that I was instrumental in choosing her birthday gift?”

“Fair point.” James looked up at the tea. He stood on his tiptoes, and stretched up as far as he could to reach the highest shelf. “This is the one Remus likes,” he said, passing it to Sirius. Sirius took a picture for future reference.

“Amazing, thanks babe.” He blew James a kiss, and James caught it and pressed it to his heart with all the drama of a trained actor. Sirius rolled his eyes, and once again ignored the too-sweet smile from the cashier, and he and James left, their shopping expedition finished. They made their way back to their flat, pushing and shoving, until something in one of the store windows caught Sirius’s eye.

“James, look!” He pointed at the window, filled with brightly coloured games and toys. James looked where Sirius was pointing and gasped.

“Those are perfect! We need them.”

Sirius nodded solemnly. “We absolutely do. Let’s go get ‘em.”

<center>~~~</center>

“Guys! Guess what we got!”

Remus and Lily looked up at James and Sirius, then looked at each other, then Remus said, “I’m absolutely terrified to find out.”

Sirius grinned. “Well, you’re about to. James, with me.” And they marched off into Sirius’s room.

“I wonder what it is,” Lily said. Remus sighed.

“Probably something wildly inappropriate.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be funny.”

Remus laughed. “Oh, absolutely.”

Sirius’s bedroom door swung open, and Remus and Lily both turned to look as James and Sirius walked out, both wearing tiny red shorts.

Remus glanced at Lily out of the corner of his eye, then quickly looked away before either of them started laughing.

“What’s, ah. What are those?” he asked. He was sure the strain in his voice was audible, and Sirius confirmed it when he smirked at Remus as he answered.

“Booty shorts!”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Just you wait,” James said, and then he turned around. On the back, the shorts read, “JUST”.

“What, exactly, does that mean?” Lily asked.

Sirius turned around too. Plastered across his arse was the word “FRIENDS”.

“Oh my sweet fucking Jesus Christ.” Lily looked at Remus. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“Unfortunately.”

James wiggled his hips. “I think this is perfect!”

“How?”

“People always think we’re dating! All they’ll need to do to find out we’re not is to read the shorts!”

Remus rubbed his forehead. “Somehow I don’t think this will do much to change people’s minds.”

Lily poked him in the arm. “Maybe we should get a pair as well! Show some solidarity.”

“Why––okay, fine yeah, let’s do it. What do I have to lose?”

[markschanel]

harana - m. lee

now playing: harana by parokya ni edgar 

characters: mark lee x reader, cameo appearances by johnny, jaehyun, doyoung & taeil 

word count: 1.6k

summary: best friends to lovers au! mark’s been singing and performing for what seems like all his life. Yet when it comes to you- he’s a nervous, overthinking mess just wanting to serenade you and show you his love as you watch from your balcony. 

Is serenading still in style?

You are probably wondering

Who is this foolish guy?

Stumbling to sing

With nervous hoarse voice

The darkness of your room and your exhaustion from your day keeps your eyes fluttered shut as you fall deeper into the embrace of your slumber. Your head rests on your feathered pillow as your hair cascades along your silk pillowcase, ready for the reward after a long day. 

That is, until you hear the gentle strumming of an acoustic guitar outside of your five-storied apartment, cursing at yourself for leaving the windows wide open. Although you know it’s summer and the piercing heat hitting your skin and sweat forming leaves you no other choice. 

You skip off your bed with a rough thud, causing you to groan in slight pain for hitting your toes against the sharp corner of your bed. Scratching your head as you walk towards the edge of your balcony, you don’t care how it’s only eight pm and you’re ready to launch into the next day, but the sight of what you see is what you don’t expect. 

Looking down by the gates of your apartment complex, you blink repeatedly as you see a dressed up Mark Lee in newly pressed cream white dress shirt and polished leather shoes, with his acoustic guitar strung across his torso held up by his worn out merlot guitar strap. 

“Look - Mark oppa is serenading you!” Your roommates, clad in their sweatpants and pajamas ready for bed much like you, come barging in your room unceremoniously but you’re so stunned you don’t seem to notice. Even their obnoxious giggles and snorts don’t phase you either. 

With his nimble fingers, he continues his gentle strumming, making sure to keep up a constant pace and clearly playing each note so that you can hear how fast his heart beats for you. 

You’ve hear Mark sing and play guitar for you so many times before, from hanging out with him at the company practice rooms or whenever you’d crash his dorm - but you can tell his nerves as present and how shaky his voice and fingers can get no matter how long he’s been performing professionally at the industry. 

But you don’t care- it’s the effort that counts and that’s the Mark Lee you’ve always adored, the one you’ve always cared for, the one you’ve always had a special spot in your heart for. The one your heart always beat for, but you never owned up to admit it, to him nor yourself even. 

  Carrying roses but wearing

Old faded jeans

Friends are there too

In formal style, singing worse than minus one and sing-along

The worn out jeans that've been put through the wash too many times is so familiar to you that it feels like home. You can’t help but watch in a trance as you grip tightly on the railings of your balcony at how he’s clearly made an effort to dress up extra fancy, with his hair gelled too, but it’s still him at the very core. 

At the very essence. He hasn’t changed anything about him, even as he’s trying to impress you. If only he knew that you accepted every facet of him with acceptance, from the flaws and imperfections he’s always working to improve on, to the intricate habits and multilayered facets of him that you couldn’t imagine living without. 

You stifle a laugh as you figure out the shadowed figures next to him, failing to properly hide under the oak tree outside your dorm gates. It’s hard to miss the colossal tall Johnny Suh holding up the boombox speakers that were hurriedly plugged into the microphone that Moon Taeil in his bright orange sweater that was holding up to Mark’s face. 

Nor can you ignore the cheekily smiling Jaehyun with his dimples flashed out as he holds up the bouquet of freshly picked red roses in his arms, that you’re sure Mark picked out for you by examining each single rose until he found one that he determined was up to your standards and what you deserved. 

Doyoung might’ve been the best at hiding in his all black get up, but the obsidian hued poster paper he held up that was scattered with neon stickers and bright glittered letters spelling out “Y/N, WOULD YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” in all caps is hard to miss. 

The acoustics set up for their miniature performance for you is nothing professional or worth raving about, but its the sincerity behind Mark’s bright, innocent eyes peering onto you and the familiar, comforting warmth behind his sweet yet husky voice that makes it more than enough for you. 

You just hope the neighbours won’t mind this impromptu concert along your street when it’s almost time for dinner, and most of the crowds living in the apartment complex you’re in are either new families with young toddlers who should be put to bed now, or grumpy retirees ready for bed. 

The sky is full of stars

And the air is cold

In your stares, I am going crazy, dear

And in this song

I hope you will love it

I will give all my heart

In a little serenade for you

You’re so impressed and drawn under that spell that you’ve nearly missed the chill down your back, as you’re in a thinly strapped tank top that was getting too thin for the night wind brushing down your spine. 

Crossing your arms as you rub your palms up and down your shoulders, prickly goosebumps on your skin,  you’re drawn to his voice and mellow strums to Ed Sheeran’s Tenerife Sea like caught in a siren’s spell, willing to drown in his arms, in his embrace, in his voice, in his love. 

Mark can’t believe he’s gotten over any of his past hesitations and got himself and his friends with him to serenade you in what appears to be an ancient tradition long forgotten in the past. He doesn’t know how he managed to bribe Jaehyun to switch in cleaning duties, or pay for Doyoung’s next few coffees to be involved in his little skit. 

You’re so special to him he’s taking risks he’s never before, because he believes you deserve the world and he’ll give it to you in any way possible. In his world, you’re a precipice that’s carved and drawn into his maps that the entire thing could be wiped out but you’d still be there, your mark permanently etched onto his heart. 

 Isn't it like the movies

A romantic film

Aren't you the leading lady and I am your leading man

In a story that ends in a never ending love

The butterflies in your stomach flutter as you realize he’s never forgotten your past rants at how you were never one for extravagant gestures, with expensive jewellery or elegant, lavish dates at overpriced restaurants, but realized deep under that- you still had that need of being cherished, of being exalted and celebrated for who you are and be treated like the divine goddess he saw you as. 

He would pluck out all of the stars from the expanse of the vast night sky just to see you smile, just to support you and be there with you through the rough times, through the sweet times, through all the hurts and pains you’ve experienced together before as friends, and now hopefully as something more than that. 

If only you noticed how you’d be so engrossed at your repetitive rounds of rewatches of Crazy Rich Asians with him at the beat up couch of his dorm, but he couldn’t help but keep glancing at you if he could give you the same fireworks in your heart like Nick Young gives Rachel Chu. 

How he lingers a couple extra seconds whenever you come greet him with a hug, how he always remembers to pick up your favourite bubble tea favours whenever you’re coming to visit, how he reads poems for inspiration for his song lyrics - but you’re the first person that comes to mind, and he always blushes furiously, fiercely, like the love has for you is beyond his comprehension, beyond his understanding- but he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

As he finishes his song, the silence that breaks out in the street is so loud, that it’s as if you can hear your heart beating so loud it’s echoing against your eardrums, that time has stopped and it’s only him that you can think about and focus on. 

Mark Lee isn’t just the upward climax in romance movies when the two lovers confess, isn’t just kissing passionately in the pouring rain, nor running after each other following a heated confrontation. 

Mark Lee sometimes is him remembering how many creams and sugars to put in your coffee order, he’s handwritten love letters hidden in the pockets of your purse, it’s the memories coming back immediately at your polaroid where you kiss his cheek hidden in his wallet, and the handmade baby lion keychain you’ve crocheted for him that he adores so much he won’t go anywhere without it. 

          “From the bottom of my heart, Y/N you are such a precious person to me that I adore you and care for you so much. I want to be the light in your day and be with you even through the toughest of times and the sweetest of seasons.”

 “I want to hold your hand and keep you company through the storms, through the sunsets. I love you so much that words cannot explain it and I hope you can feel it from my songs, from my gestures- even If I know my speech can’t contain it enough-” 

“I love you too, Mark Lee!” You interrupt his verbose yet impassioned speech from your balcony, rushing past your doors and outside your apartment to meet him downstairs. 

Johnny, Doyoung, Taeil and Jaehyun’s rambunctious cheering and screaming in excitement at the success of Mark’s confession embarrasses Mark more than he could ever imagine, his arm tucked behind his neck as his face and ears turn as red as his favourite watermelons. 

                                                                   …

A/N: I was listening to this song, and was just so inspired by how romantic this ancient Filipino tradition of harana is! I could totally see Mark doing this, and no matter how awkward/forced it could seem, Mark is just so sweet and endearing enough that he’d pull this off so well. 

If you’re wondering what it is, Harana is this Filpino tradition in serenading your love interest, hoping to woo them as a potential suitor. The suitor sings by the person they’re courting’s window, until they’re either accepted or rejected. 

It’s possible that they’re accompanied by other instruments and other companions as well, for moral or acoustic support lol, and the one courted usually invites the suitor inside afterwards, and the suitor leaves a gift for the person and their family. 

Hope you guys enjoy this! Sorry I disappeared for a few days I kinda got busy and my sleep schedule kinda going whack didn’t help but it’s here! I’m so proud of it. <3

[taekooktimeline]

Ask

Kayla will focus more on the latest VCR’s while Sara will do so on the one where TK appear under a blue light.

Kayla: Hello! 💜I miss questions like this🥺thank you so much for submitting it, and that means a lot that you appreciate hearing our interpretation of things💜I loved this question so much🥰

Before I start, as always, please keep in mind this is simply my interpretation of things! ☺️

I agree both VCRs seem to heavily hint to deeper things with taekook. Let’s start with Jungkook’s “my time”. He has said consistently this song is about his lost childhood and growing up in the spotlight. However, I do personally think there’s a secondary meaning. I understand some are sensitive to analyzing songs, and no not every song in a member’s solo discography is directed to his lover, but here’s what made me pause - the chorus - “I can’t call ya/hol’ ya” and then, at the end, it changes to “I will call ya/I will hol’ ya”. It fits his struggles in the spotlight - the inability to reach out due to multiple difficulties (busy schedule, saesangs, etc) and eventually he is able to reach out, call, touch. In this instance, the chorus could be considered towards relationships, like a special someone. I don’t normally like Quora, but Helen Xu, an interactor on the site, is very insightful and has said something I agree with. She directly answered a question about “my time”. Below are snippets but I highly encourage reading the entirety of her answer here - https://www.quora.com/Do-you-think-My-Time-by-BTS-Jungkook-is-about-himself-I-respect-and-trust-BTS-what-they-say-but-I-can-t-help-but-feel-that-this-song-is-for-his-significant-other-I-really-hope-so-tho-because-I-love-that-for-him-but 

Keeping in mind this, we can examine the VCR a little more closely. Jk looks at a lot of clocks on the walls.

But only a handful are singled out and on a nightstand close by him. For me, this indicates great importance to these specific clocks.

One I am still working on figuring out is the one to the far left of Jk, right behind the phone. I can’t determine if it says 3:09 or 3:10. If it says 3:09… that’s very interesting, as it’s Yoongi’s birthday. Keep in mind, Yoongi wrote letters to only taekook in 2018 that, in Tae’s own words, made him cry for 10 mins. The members joked Jk’s letter must be a “copy paste” of Tae’s, meaning the same letter:

Jk singled out both Tae’s character, Tata, and Yoongi’s character, Shooky, to be the ones supporting Cooky directly in the ring for his 2020 B21 skit.

If the clock truly says 3:09, this is the second time Jk has directly singled out Yoongi in 2020, as well as Tae when factoring the other clock. Disclaimer - Please note this part is shaky since I can’t determine the time enough to feel confident. 

But what we can deduce - as a lot noticed, 2 of the 3 clocks next to Jk show his birthday, 9/1 - 9:01, and Tae’s 12/30 - 12:30.

The fact these are singled out from the other clocks and are closest to Jk imply to me great importance to him. He picks up the third clock closest to him.

This one has the time - zero o’clock. He holds it up and smiles at it, as if he’s embracing the new time.

Zero o’clock is about starting a new day and forgetting what troubles you. For me …factoring in the two clocks being placed in a prominent position (denoting Tae’s and Jk’s birthdays) + Jk then performs “my time” right after + my suspicions that align with Helen Xu, that the song has a secondary (hidden) meaning …for me, this indicates Jk has found his time. His time has come, he’s ready/at peace and he’s welcoming it. He’s leaving his former struggles behind and will live more freely, less restricted. 

The other part of the VCR was very interesting. Only Taekook paint their faces in black. I spoke to a few different people, who were firm that painting oneself with black indicated stigma, sin, being different, in their culture. It can also be viewed as their shadow, as BTS have discussed this extensively. Tae covers his eye while Jk covers his mouth. This reminded me of “see no evil, hear no evil” in the sense their differences/“sins” are not seen or spoken about by society. Society chooses to ignore what they’ve tried to show and say.

Jk paints his mouth black while Tae paints his eye.

After, both smirk.

For me, this indicates they’re embracing their shadow/difference. They are not bothered any further by society closing their eyes and mouths to their stigma. They have come to terms with it. They will no longer hide in their shadows/darkness. 

They also showed the shadow closing on Tae (going backwards, reverse effect, not fully closing since the door still opens for him) and the light opening on Jk - parallels of each other, and again, they are the only two with this symbolism.

What I find very interesting out of all of this is how taekook are singled out as different from the group. There is a reoccurring pattern. We saw it at MAMA 2019. Both were in blue light then, based on standing order, both were in black. (As a side note - i couldn’t find a capture that encompassed Jin in the below blue/red light):

The others are in white while Taekook are black, still hidden, in their shadow. 

We then saw them be singled out as different again in the On MV. Both were the only ones that had thorns, Tae’s on his neck and Jk’s around his wrist.

Thorns also can be symbolic of sin, just like the black paint in the VCR:

Jk even says he was cast out of society for being different.

My personal thinking which isn't necessarily applicable to the VCRs and heavy hinting: a taekook subunit is coming by the end of the year. We’ve said this consistently since about the spring, as noted in the main timeline, based on the first few vlives, some festa promo shoots and the order of the festa board.

There have been some other, more recent, indicators, but this has been my consistent stance - 1) Taekook 2) Yoonmin + Jin 3) Hobi and Joon. We’ll see! I know some have a differentiating opinion on this based on the BTS YT live with two subunits, not three + photo cards but my stance remains the same from spring. And if you disagree it’s ok! It’s only theory- it can be wrong or right. In asks I feel safer theorizing more freely since we don’t have to place as much importance on being “right”. Either way, even if I’m incorrect on the other subunit pairings, I still think Taekook will be a unit. 

BH is working to normalize - to some degree - TK after years of restricting on camera interactions. Part of normalizing, for some, will be a subunit. I feel strongly it’ll happen for that reason. Whether it’s on a BTS album, or KTH1 or JJK1, I’m not sure. But I think by December or, at the latest January, the subunit will happen on one of those three (if it doesn’t happen in November for BE). 

But I want to make it clear … I don’t think singling out Taekook from the group is solely for their subunit. Whether the subunit is on the BTS album or a mixtape, I feel very strongly we are getting one. But the reoccurring pattern of showing them as different from the other five members, with symbolisms of shadow/stigma/sin (and now embracing that)... to me indicates something even bigger is possibly brewing. I’ve got a lot of mixed thoughts I’m sorting through regarding the company’s stance right now so some of that conflicts and I just need to see in time where things go. 

Please remember this is merely MY opinion / theory on this topic, which is subjective and open to individual interpretation. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong :) theory is theory for a reason and I know some disagree on the subunit part (so please don’t flood the asks with stances - I know this is a varied opinion💜😅). All we can do is wait. 

——————————

Sara: I´ve never paid too much thought to concert VCR´s because I wasn't sure if they had enough substance...but now as I pondered I'm quite excited to share my findings. We all know Taekook were the only ones to have a blue light casted over them right? Well, this is extremely important and I’ll tell you why. 

BTS have made references to the blue & red pill dilemma from matrix on multiple occasions, the first time that I recall being in their MV for “N.O.” where they take the red pill & fight the system.

In sum, if you take the red pill you face the harsh reality while if you take the blue pill you stay in a dream-like illusion, a fake and perfect one. In the music video for “Shadow” you can see Suga singing on top of the scenario covered in blue light while everyone filmed him. This is his persona. The persona, for psychiatrist Carl Jung, was the social face the individual presented to the world—"a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual" = an illusion = blue pill.

  Afterwards, his shadow that was hidden among the crowd takes over and everything turns red as he faces his true hidden self = harsh reality = red pill.

What is the shadow? In short, the shadow is the unknown side. The shadow represents all the personal traits we have ignored, denied, or cut off from ourselves. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs). Being LGBTQ would fit into this last case as it’s not negative in nature. Jung’s concept is that the aim of one’s life, psychologically speaking, should be not to suppress or repress, but to come to know one’s other side, and so both to enjoy and to control the whole range of one’s capacities; i.e., in the full sense, to “know oneself.” That process is called “individuation” and a necessary step is to become aware of the shadow and integrate it’s hidden aspects into the consciousness.

At first the blinking blue light suffocates Tae who can be seen suffering, running around and hugging himself. Something in his interior wants to be set free.

At the end of the VCR Tae is finally standing calmly as he faces his truth, accepting it (red) -

That’s what Sinclair does in the book “Demian” that BTS based their series “Wings” on. He recounts his experiences with the two realms, two worlds of which he was aware at the time—one of darkness, and one of light, one of day and one of night. The realm of day was everything "good", straight, and Christian. The realm of night was the world of scandal and mystery, drunkenness and murder, deceit and illegal activity. The realm of light was the world of Sinclair's parents and sisters. Though living in the realm of light, he was curious about and attracted to the realm of darkness. He was tempted by Demian, who acted like an inner voice leading him to self-discovery and individuation. In the Below pic the black ink represents temptation and “sin”. Jk takes it to his mouth (in this 2016’s trailer for the Wings tour, other members use different symbolism like sinful apples, blindfolds, curtains, etc).

Jk takes a taste of this world of darkness in BS&T. The world of the previously unknown and denied shadows.

Dialogue from “Demian” that played in this scene from BS&T: “He too was a tempter. The evil world with which I no longer wanted to have anything to do”. The balloon is let go which represents lost innocence - surroundings covered in red.

As I said, the shadow is not always inherently negative, but it’s always perceived as such by either society, the individual, or both. The intro for “Wings” was “Boy Meets Evil”. When the lyrics give into the temptation the walls are painted red.

When performing this song in MAMA 2016 we can see the two realms on opposite sides. When we mix them we get a purple color representing the whole, the dichotomy of human nature (which tormented Sinclair until he accepted himself).

What are they trying to convey with this picture below?

Well, other members are letting their shadows be seen, but Taekook are showing us their carefully drafted public persona, hiding their truth. All of them do this to some extent, but this image implies Taekook’s real self drastically contrasts with the illusion that they create by wearing their masks. They have to conceal more than the rest, even if they already accepted themselves.  What you see is a pretty lie = blue. They only show us their “good” side. Just like “Fake Love’s” lyrics (a song directed to army): “Mold a pretty lie for you”, “Try to erase myself and make me your doll”.  Also, In Singularity Tae sings about silencing his voice and trapping himself into a frozen BLUE lake.

He wears a mask. The red part of his head (shadow, hidden truth) has an earring that reads “loved”. Forbidden, secret love?

Yoongi recently talked about this topic while In The Soop. He said that he talked with Bang pd nim and that, if someone has to do it (for a greater good), he himself would choose the red pill. He would sacrifice. The matrix is an ongoing theme.

About the latest VCR’s where TK have black paint, I basically agree with Kayla. They were introducing the shadow-themed section of the concert so every member was portraying the shadow in different ways but it’s definitely interesting that Taekook represented the shadow with the exact same symbolism put back to back - arguably the most visually impactful out of them - placed near the end of the VCR as it reaches it’s peak in intensity before slowly falling into quietness again. Taekook share a common aspect of themselves that is considered negative and carries a stigma and therefore - as their blue public colors indicate - is part of their red hidden shadow. They really highlighted Taekook’s scenes, so it indicates their shadow is of greater significance. It’s a bigger deal. As mentioned earlier, the black ink is related to sin.

Now JK’s VCR that introduced his song. “My time” by Jk is certainly about his crazy life while growing up in the spotlight. It’s not only about his lost childhood, but also about a “limited love”, losing the capacity to love freely during his teens and beyond. The chorus - the part of the song that delivers the main message - sings about a relationship with many physical limitations. The chosen words are pretty romantic: hold, touch, etc (discard fans as it’s a personal song). Since we talk about the spotlight, it can be understood that they can’t do those things while having eyes on them. He says “happy that we met each other” so it’s not about his family. He’s waiting for “the time” they’ll be able to love freely which he has promised will come (“I will hold ya and you know”). If we take the previous VCR’s into account it’s quite suspicious that Taekook’s clocks are placed right next to each other in the most important spot angle-wise. It does seem like a connection between Jk’s song and Taekook. 

What does all this ultimately mean? What’s the purpose of showing these hints? Well, not sure. Could be related to them coming out in the future and finding their time to live their lives as a couple without pretending, taking off their masks and revealing their truth. For the time being a TK subunit would be neat though :P 

[subrapture]

It appears it's time to post this again, for the newcomers and the curious.

THE OLD GUARD, HISTORY, ORIGINS AND TRADITIONS.

By Guy Baldwin M.S.

Guy Baldwin, M.S. a Los Angeles psychotherapist, served as International Mr. Leather and Mr. National Leather Association during 1989-90

While reading a recent interview with Brian Dawson, I came across some of his comments about that '0ld Guard' In the leather lifestyle. Although I used that label in a piece I wrote almost three years ago, I only recently realized that there was a strong likelihood that large numbers of leather guys don't quite know for sure what the phrase, '0ld Guard' really means. I'm sure that I have never seen a description of the style (and it is a style, so I want to offer one now. I have carried my own '0ld Guard' card in my wallet right next to my Selective Service Registration card (draft card) for long enough that I probably qualify to offer what follows so, here goes...

First, a bit of historical perspective will be more helpful than you might guess. '0ld Guard' is really a misnomer - a misapplied name - for the earliest set of habits that jelled by the mid- to late 1950s in the men's leather community here in the U . S. It is very important to remember that the modern leather scene as we now know it first formalized itself out of the group of men who were soldiers returning home after World War ll. (l939-1945).

For many gay men of that era, their World War ll. military service was their first homosocial experience (first time being thrown together mostly in the company of other men for significant lengths of time), their first time away from their growing up places, and their first experience of male bonding during periods of high stress. War was (and is) serious business; people died, buddies depended on each other for their lives, and the chips were down. Discipline was the order of the day, and the nation believed that only discipline and dedication would win the war and champion freedom: (Ever notice the especially strong patriotic feelings that happen at leather events?)

Anyway, these gay war veterans learned about the value and pleasure of discipline and hard work in the achievement of a noble purpose. They also learned how to play hard when they got the chance for leave time. Indeed, military life during wartime was (and is) a mix of emotional extremes born out of sure knowledge that one could literally be 'here today, and gone tomorrow. ' Lastly (for these purposes), the gay vets had the secret knowledge that they fought and served every bit as well as straight soldiers, and this information strengthened their self-esteem. All of these things came to be associated with the disciplined, military way of life as it existed during the wartime years.

Although not all gay men of that time served in the military, those who didn't were exposed to the military attitudes through their contact with the vast numbers of military men who were everywhere to be seen and cruised both during and immediately after the war years. In any case, all these things greatly influenced the shape of masculine gay sexualities. Mars

Upon their return to the States about 1946, many of the gay vets wanted to retain the most satisfying elements of their military experience and, at the same time, hang out socially and sexually with other masculine gay men. They found that only in the swashbuckling motorcycle culture did such opportunities exist and so the gay bike clubs were born. It was here that they found the combination of easy camaraderie, the stress and thrill of real risk taking (the riding), and the masculine sexuality that they had known during their military days.

Since one can tell who is and is not in the military only when uniforms are worn, these gay men unconsciously (in most cases) transferred their loyalties to their own uniform-the leather gear of bike riders with a few paramilitary touches thrown in. Club insignia often recalled hose insignia of special military units: Thunderbolts, Warriors, Blue Max, and Iron Cross to name only a few. Club members would exchange their insignia with members of other clubs in friendship; christening rituals were transferred from tanks, ships and airplanes to motorcycles and piss was substituted for champagne; the military dress uniform hats became the leather bike caps-all these elements were just as had been during military service.

Incidentally, during the war, the soldiers would often put on skits for their own amusement. Since women were not allowed at the front, some of the men would play the parts of women by doing a kind of mock dress-up (as in one scene from 'South Pacific'). Later, this tradition would be expressed in 'drag' shows during bike runs. So, masculine men pretended to be pretending to be women-not truly 'drag' at all. (lt. still happens in a few places.)

In any case, being in the military also meant following lots of rules. And just as in the military, there were (unspoken) rules about what you did and did not wear, how you handled your personal affairs, who you could and could not socialize with and more. All this was overlaid with a kind of ritual formalism just as in the military. Those men who were really into dominance and submission, SM, or leather sex tended to take these rules rather more seriously than those guys who simply thought of themselves as butch. The butch ones wore just enough leather to be practical when riding, and those into the exotic sexualities tended to wear more gear than necessary to signal this fact about themselves, but they all hung out together in the same settings. As you might guess, in some cases, any particular person might be into both riding and the exotic sexualities.

Just as an aside here, before and during the war, kinky folks seeking to identify each other would sometimes defensively ask, 'Do you play the mandolin or the saxophone?' to discover which of them was the masochist or the sadist by the first letter of these instruments. All this while wearing street clothes! The creation of a butch subculture by the gay vets began to allow people to specialize their sexual interests in a way that had been impossible earlier. Prior to this development. it was not apparent that there were very many ways to be gay.

The bike clubs and the bars where they hung out became the magnets of their day which attracted those gay men who were interested in the masculine end of the gay spectrum, but it was the leather men who defined the masculine extreme at that time. (Nowadays, we know there are many ways to be masculine.) This meant that those who had an inclination to kinky action pretty much felt compelled to explore kink in the context of the leather SM scene since it was the only game in town. If motorcycle riding or black leather itself was not 'your thing', that meant one felt obligated to visit the hang outs and look and act the part as much as possible to find one's way into the inner circle of those who looked like they knew something about the exotic sexualities. This meant finding out what the rules of inclusion were (how can I be included?) in order to gain access. To some extent, all this is still true because the attitude still prevails that the 'uniform'' indicates experience and social access to the Knowledgeable People.

And so, the Scene became EX-clusive rather than IN-clusive, meaning that the people in the Scene understood the rules and tried to keep outsiders out-to exclude them. An outsider became defined as anyone (butch or not) who did not have a primary interest in and experience with the exotic sexualities or at least an interest in motorcycles. (This excluding attitude was probably also reinforced by guilt about being kinky.)

I know that this combination of kinky men mixed in with motorcycle riders may sound a bit odd now, but that's how the Scene worked and, to some slight extent, still does. All through the 80's, with the emergence of kinky organizations and specifically leather/SM events, the motorcycle riding community and the kinky leather community have grown apart such that now those in one group are pretty much ignorant of or indifferent to the events happening in the other.

This growing separation is more true in larger cities which have the numbers of people that are necessary to support each of these two communities, each with separate needs and agendas. Consequently, many old and venerable bike clubs have experienced a drop in membership and some have disbanded altogether.

But for the most part, kinky people have segregated themselves out from the riders as the process of erotic specialization has continued. Generally, the riding community seems not to have minded this development perhaps because many of the members of riding clubs are either turned off or embarrassed by the erotic visibility of the kinky crowd "Birds of a feather". But for this discussion, it is noteworthy that many of those kinky people retained the paramilitary trappings, manners and attitudes of that early, core group of returning World War ll. gay vets.

Most importantly, these features of the military mind-set joined with inky interests and became erotic in and of themselves became fetishes. These men then were the original '0ld Guard', and so it will come as no surprise that their quasi-military rules of inclusion and exclusion still influence kinky society today.

So what exactly were the (unspoken) "Old Guard' rules? Here are a few of the more important ones that had prevailed by 1970:

About Attire

Always wear boots, butch ones, and preferably black.

Always wear a wide black leather belt plain, not fancy.

Never mix brown leather with black leather.

Never mix chrome or silver trim with gold or brass trim.

Long pants only, Levi's or leather, and no shorts.

Chaps indicate more commitment than Levi's, and leather pants more commitment than chaps, especially when worn consistently.

Leather Jackets must have epaulets (bike riders excepted).

Head gear is reserved for Tops or experienced or heavy bottoms only.

Bottoms may not own collars unless a particular Top has allowed that bottom to be the custodian of the Top's collar. A bottom wearing a collar is a slave, and belongs to the owner of the collar who, presumably, has the keys. Other Tops are not to engage a collared bottom in conversation, but other bottoms may do so. Should such a relationship end, the collar must be returned to the Top.

Never touch the bill of a bike cap, including your own.

Never touch another man's cap (or head gear) unless you are very intimate friends or lovers.

Keep studs and other decorations to a tasteful minimum unless they happen to be club insignia.

Never wear another man's leather unless he puts it on you.

Leather, other than boots and belt, must be 'earned' through the achievement of successively challenging 'scenes.'

Wearing gloves is reserved for heavy players, glove fetishists or bike riders.

Always indicate SM preference, only with keys left or right.

If you are cruising seriously, wear the keys out; if not seriously, tuck them in a back pocket. Always indicate strictly leather sex or 'rough sex' interest by wearing no keys at all.

Those who 'switch' are second class players and not to be taken as seriously because they haven't made their minds up. If you must switch, do so in another town.

'Full' leather is reserved for after 10:00 P.M. only and only with 'our own kind'.

Respect the public by wearing less of it during the day--don't frighten old ladies (l did once by accident), or anyone else for that matter.

About Socializing and Cruising:

Experience in the Scene determines social seniority (Top or bottom) , not age, not size, not amount of leather worn, and not offices held in organizations, awards received or titles won.

Tops and experienced bottoms should be accorded higher respect and deference unless and until they behave rudely--all are expected to observe rules of social courtesy-bad manners are inexcusable and can lower one's status in the Scene (thereby reducing access to the Knowledgeable People for information or play),

Real Leathermen keep their word: they do not borrow or lend money; they conduct their affairs with honor and integrity-they don't lie.

Preliminary social contact should be on the formal side.

'Senior Persons' (Top or bottom) are not to be interrupted when in conversation.

Experience being equal, Tops lead the conversation.

Junior Tops defer to Senior Tops and Senior bottoms in social situations.

Junior bottoms defer to all others in the Scene but not to outsiders.

When walking together, bottoms walk half-a-step behind and to the left of Tops with whom they are involved or playing.

It is up to the Top or the experienced bottom to extend a hand to invite a handshake. (All touching is highly restricted during initial contact between strangers.) NEVER over-indulge in drugs or alcohol in public, or otherwise attract scornful attention to one's self--to do so brings dishonor on the men in the Scene,

Tops should always have the first two opportunities to make verbal or physical contact,

The more submissive one is, the less direct eye contact one makes-glance frequently at or stare at His boots only when cruising; less so in non-sexual conversation. The more dominant one is, the more direct the eye contact is unless there is no erotic interest (cruising only).

Men in the Scene do not discuss (or write about) the Scene with outsiders. All men in the Scene must be able to spot outsiders with the 'right stuff' and be ready to facilitate them into the Scene after they indicate sincere interest.

None of these rules are taught or explained to anyone except by innuendo, inference, or example.

Erotic technical information is only shared among peers.

Maintain formal and non-committal relationships with those outside the scene; avoid contact with feminine men. Women are not allowed although Senior People may occasionally have intellectual or brief social relationships with the occasional qualified kinky woman, but only in private.

Very few men maintained full compliance with all these rules all the time, and some, flatly refused to follow rules they personally objected to. But, to be included one was expected to follow at least most of these rules most of the time. Also, confusingly, there was some variation in some of the rules depending on what city you happened to be in at the time. The list above is not complete although it conveys the sense of the style.

Understandably, a certain stiffness surrounded the men who followed these rules, just as a certain stiffness surrounded the military men of the era. Those who sought inclusion had the challenge of finding a relaxed and easygoing way to follow rules. However, this required considerable social skill and many kinky people lacking those skills (or patience ) simply gave up and accepted a frustrated role on the fringe.

As time passed, there were more and more guys in their twenties whose early sexual development had not been influenced strongly by contact with the military. Therefore, they lacked the early raw material with which to fetish-ize the military features of the '0ld Guard' leather/SM scene. Still, they needed information and experiences to help shape the urges of insistent kinky longings.

These people were essentially without resources until the establishment of kinky organizations brought about new educational opportunities that were not bound by '0ld Guard' rules.

Consequently, there is a lot more support now for new people coming into the leather/ SM scene who have other ideas (non- military) about what is hot. Long hair, rockers with wild designs on their jackets, road racing bikers with brightly colored leathers, leather faeries, skinheads, women and others now are found on turf once dominated by the '0ld Guard' system'.

So, '0ld Early Guard' or perhaps thought of as 'Early Guard" or perhaps 'First Guard' because that style makes sense given the erotic influences that shaped the inner lives of the men who were coming of age sexually at that time. The Old Guard made some real contributions and made some real mistakes, and still does both.

It is more useful to understand than to criticize. And, perhaps most importantly, what the Old Guard did for the development and expansion of kinky life and butch gay male sexuality can best be appreciated against the backdrop of what had existed earlier--not much of anything!

But remember this, as long as we have a military, and a paramilitary police system, and as long as that military has traditions of initiation, ritual, inclusion/exclusion, honor and service, there will always be an '0ld Guard'. Its size and influence in the leather/SM scene will probably always be proportional to the role played by the military and other paramilitary organizations in society-larger following wartime and smaller during peace.

I thought maybe you'd like to know.

[autisticalbert]

the clothies

part two of my the office au! nearly 3k of race being love with a very drunk albert. this is based on 2x01 of the office, ‘the dundies’.

A studious person could say there were four types of managers. Jack Kelly was an exact combination of all of them.

The man wasn’t unlikeable, not in the slightest. In fact, he was almost funny whenever he wasn’t trying too hard. He cared for his employees and co-workers and gave his life for the company he worked in. He was determined to make a family out of the workplace, even if no one felt the same way. No one at all.

It didn’t come as a surprise that the New York branch was one of the youngest-employing ones in the company. Race was about to turn twenty-four and most of his co-workers rounded that number.

All except Les, of course. The kid missed out on all company parties and the blessed opportunity of alcohol. Such a shame.

Every February brought upon the New York branch the most dreaded celebration of all. The Clothies. That was its name. They didn’t even sell real clothes.

The mind of the great Jack Kelly worked wonders. In his first year as a manager, he got around the idea that if his employees got rewarded with worthless pieces of plastic once a year named out to ridiculous categories, then that would be an incentive for everyone and it would turn the New York branch around for magnificent results and numbers to come.

He thought it to be a success. People really just took every chance they got to get drunk.

Race didn’t even like the idea of getting drunk around his co-workers all that much. There were only a few people in there he’d actually call friends—there was Charlie, there was Smalls, there was Jojo… 

“Hey, Racey!”

There was Albert, of course.

An arm was slung around his shoulders and he found himself smiling before even stopping himself. He tilted his head and saw a sea of freckles in a dangerously pale face.

“Hey, Red,” he said. Albert grimaced at the name and let go of him. “Excited about the Clothies?”

“Not really,” they said along with a long sigh. “Can’t possibly imagine what my award’s gonna say.”

For two years in a row, Albert had gotten the same award—World’s Longest Engagement. It wasn’t as funny as Jack thought it was. Race was sure Albert hadn’t even laughed the first time when it had only been six months. Now, it just seemed cruel.

Race nodded and patted their shoulder.

“Wanna watch the marathon with me? Twelve hours of footage,” they said, wobbling their eyebrows. “For free.”

Every year Jack made Albert watch through footage of his own video recorder of the many, many editions of the Clothies through the year. Albert and Race usually made popcorn and tried to guess the year by the number of layers Jack was or wasn’t wearing or how thick his New York accent sounded.

This year, however, Race had something in mind.

“You’ll have to live without me,” he said. Albert put a hand on their chest and gaped. “Gotta sort some things out with the boss.”

Albert shook their head, but stood up and headed to the conference room regardless.

“Traitor. Don’t get fired,” they exclaimed over their shoulder. Race smiled.

The closed door that lead to Jack’s office read a sign that said “all my gates are open 24/7”. Race couldn’t help but think, as he knocked on it, about how many levels of wrong that was.

This time, he was putting together a Rubik’s Cube. Literally. Piece by piece.

“Hey, boss,” Race said, peeking through the door as he opened it. “Got a second?”

With both feet on the desk, Jack perked up to see Race and immediately waved him inside, discarding his little do-it-yourself quickly.

“Anthony,” he smiled. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Still not my name,” Race said as he sat down in a chair in front of Jack’s desk. He looked at his hands for a moment and looked for the easiest possible way to formulate his request without messing it up. With Jack, one really never got a second chance at asking the same thing. The man had a surprisingly small attention span for a branch manager.

“Let me guess—“

“No,” he put a hand up. “See, tonight are the Clothies—yay, again—and I was wondering if you could maybe, I don’t know. Switch things up a little.”

“Yes,” Jack said.

“Because—” Race stopped and frowned. “Yes?”

The man in front of him nodded and shrugged. “I’m an entertainer. I gotta give the people what they want—I’m starting to think my Harlem Shake number is getting a little outdated.”

Race blinked his urge to sigh away. “That’s not—Yes, I mean, I think taking that number out would be good. But I meant something more specific.”

“Oh, sure. I’m always up to suggestions. What’s in your mind?”

“Well, some of the categories. Albert’s, in particular. Maybe you should change their award.”

Jack squinted at him. If it was anyone else, Race would feel busted.

“Why?”

“You know, man,” he sighed, glancing back at Albert’s empty desk through the blinds. “The whole thing with their engagement… It’s getting old.”

The man stopped to think for one moment. Race looked at him, expectant.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“No, Jack, you have to—“

“Woah, look at the time. I have a meeting in exactly—five minutes ago. Thank you for this, it’s been great talking to ya, I really need the room right now. See you tonight!”

And he was up on his feet and brushing Race out the door before any of them could get another word out. Race looked at the closed door before him and sighed thoroughly. He was feeling the trademark defeat and exhaustion that any conversation with his boss made him swim in when, from the room closest to him, Albert’s laugh filled his ears.

He sighed again. Fuck.

If anything could make the day before the awards ceremony worse, it was that by some silent agreement everyone had to stay an hour later than usual. As Race watched the clock strike five, he glanced at Albert with plead.

“I wanna leave.”

“Leave, then,” they said, not looking up from where they were typing out a form on the computer. “And lose your job.”

Race pouted. “You’re no fun today.”

“Not ‘til I get drunk, I’m not. Or drunk enough to miss out on the award, at least.”

That was hard to believe. Albert was never really one to drink in office parties—not that Race knew them all that well outside of office-related life and events. Which wasn’t the point. The point was that picturing Albert drinking their head off just to avoid having a human reaction to Jack’s jokes later in the day was an amusing idea. It would also be entirely justifiable.

Still, Race didn’t quite buy it until later that night, when Albert landed by his side with a tray of empty shot glasses.

His eyes went wide.

“Wow. Hey there.”

He’d been fashionably late, which was a fancy way of excusing himself into missing the first minutes of the ceremony. It didn’t do him any well in the end—he arrived in the middle of a fight between Jack and the audio system.

“Hey,” Albert smiled. “You’re late.”

“You smell like college.”

They shrugged. “I didn’t go to college.”

Race bit his tongue, but Albert just burst out laughing. The night seemed promising enough.

“Where’s—”

Oscar appeared into Race’s field of vision as if summoned. He sat next to Albert and put an arm around their shoulders as another man whom Race only recognized as one of Oscar’s coworkers from the warehouse sat next to him.

“This is Albert,” nodded Oscar before planting a kiss in their cheek. “And that’s Albert’s friend.”

Classy. Race turned to the stranger. “I’m Race,” he extended his hand.

“Snaps,” the man greeted.

“That’s your name?”

“No,” he smiled. “Is Race yours?”

“Ah, touché.”

Race didn’t have to put too much energy into ignoring the couple in front of him because just when the night seemed to never take off, Jack found a way to plug in the right wire and a buzzing sound made everyone cover their ears. As the noise faded away, Jack stepped up on the platform and tapped on the microphone two times before speaking.

It was like a car wreck. Race and Albert had talked about this many times over the years. The Clothies were awful, but they weren’t a thing one could look away from.

“Alright, New York, let’s get this party started!”

On company events, Les was usually Jack’s right-hand-man. Or, right-hand-boy, rather. It was on company parties, when Jack was all by himself, that the delivery of his jokes got more painfully awkward to watch.

As he narrated a story about some clearly invented hot date with an HR representative, Oscar turned to Snaps.

“This is lame. Let’s go to Jacobi’s,” he said.

Snaps nodded. “Yeah, man. I’m out of here.”

“Uh,” Albert looked between them. Race looked at them and saw conflict in their face. Part of him wished they’d stay. Part of him knew they wouldn’t.

Jack seemed to take notice of this interaction, for he stopped his skit to face the table. In the way, he nearly tripped over his foot, nearly knocked someone off with the mic stand, nearly poured his drink over his shoes. Because he was Jack Kelly.

Race sunk in his seat as Snaps stood up beside him and Oscar and Albert mirrored in the seats in front.

“Um, guys, where’re you going?” Jack asked. Oscar and Snaps walked towards the door and Albert glanced at Race before looking at Jack. “Albert, the party’s just getting started.”

They shrugged apologetically. Race felt something burn in his chest.

“Sorry,” they said before running after Oscar.

Jack blinked two times before nodding and resuming his job as an entertainer to a very unamused crowd. Race looked at the door for a moment before turning to the table next to his. Finch and Charlie were immersed in conversation.

“Is that seat taken?” He asked.

Finch smiled at him. “Nah. You’re staying?”

As he stood up to sit back down in his new table, he sighed. “Gotta eat somewhere, right?”

It was one of those nights where time flew by slowly and quickly all at once, and Race wasn’t exactly paying attention. In either fifteen minutes or an hour, Jack managed to tell thirteen jokes, wear two different pairs of fake teeth, and give out exactly one award—Busiest Beaver to Buttons Davenport. She didn’t seem especially flattered when she got up to receive an award that read “Bushiest”.

Race was waving at the waiter for another round and accepting the failure of the already fairly tough night he was facing when the door flung open.

Albert walked in, brushing a hand through their hair. Their entire face was red and their jaw was set, and they ignored the number of inquiring eyes as they made their way to Race’s table. He moved to the side just in time to leave a place for Albert to drop their full weight down.

Jack thankfully didn’t seem to notice their mood, and simply continued with the evening as Albert planted both elbows in the wooden table and stared at a fixed point in it. Finch and Charlie looked at each other and then at Race before slowly standing up and moving to find a new table.

Speaking to an upset Albert was something to be done carefully. Race was a master at the skill, or so he liked to think.

“I thought you’d left?”

Albert looked at him with words behind their eyes, but they dissipated quickly as the tension left their body only enough to let them rest their back against the seat. They shook their head.

“No, Oscar just—I decided to stay.”

“Oh,” Race said.

They reached out for Finch’s abandoned half-empty drink and gulped it down in two movements.

“I’ll get a ride from Jojo.”

“Oh—kay. Okay.”

Albert didn’t move from Race’s side even after the seat in front of them was freed. They just turned to watch Jack’s impressions and ordered a full new round of drinks, successfully ignoring Race’s worried glances. There was a science to drunk Albert—the more they drank, the funnier Jack seemed to them. Which showed how out of it they really were.

In the following hour and a half, Jack made two slightly-out-of-line impressions, gave out the award of Hottest In The Office to Finch, and the award of Tight Ass to Katherine, their HR rep. Neither seemed really excited and their speeches were awkward, but Albert cheered both of them on like there was no tomorrow.

The clock was nearing 11 PM when Jack gave Race one knowing look that made him want to drown in his glass of beer.

“This next award,” the man started. Race anything but hid his face behind his palms. “It goes out to our own little Albert DaSilva. I think we all know what award Al is going to be getting this year.”

Even with Albert not facing his way, Race could tell when the drunken elation in their moves faded and left way for realization. He almost wanted to throw something at Jack to stop it, but he didn’t. Mainly because smacking his boss in the head with bar snacks seemed like a bad decision, no matter how much he had it coming.

They watched in silence.

“It’s the Plant Junkie award—‘Cause their desk always looks like a goddamn botanical garden, ha,” Jack announced. Race’s eyes went wide, and the man winked in his direction.

For a second, Albert scrambled for a reaction inside their brain, but with a little push from Race they stood up and marched enthusiastically to get their award.

Jack stepped aside as Albert stumbled their way up on the platform. From his seat bare meters away Race could see the shine in their eyes and the flush of their cheeks—they wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning. Which only made the following speech more amusing for the sober bystanders.

Albert stood in front of the microphone and shook the award in their hand.

“Wow, um. I have so many people to thank for this award,” they said. Race laughed and shook his head. He wasn’t sure how much of his love was filtering through his eyes as he watched them. “Okay, first off, my plants. Because I couldn't have done it without them.”

People clapped. It was easy. Everyone liked Albert, they were a likable, genuinely nice person. Race cheered along.

“Thank you,” they continued. “Also, um, let's give Jack a round of applause,” they exclaimed. Race perked an eyebrow and Jack looked at them, surprised. “Y’know, for hosting this tonight. It’s a lot harder than it looks. And also because he deals with Les every day.”

Race laughed out loud as people cheered again. Albert was about to step—or fall—out of the platform, but then they faced the microphone again.

“Right. I wanna thank God. God gave me this Clothie,” they said, solemnly looking at the piece of plastic with their name written. “And—I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”

They mimicked a mic drop and yelled a loud “woo!” in celebration. People cheered again as Jack took their place and they excitedly jumped off of the platform and nearly lost balance. Maybe to make sure they didn’t fall on their head and get a concussion, Race stood up and went to their encounter.

When Albert seemed to extend their arms towards Race for a hug, Race went to catch them and was surprised by a kiss on the lips.

It was short-lived, for Albert fell out of balance moments later and had Jack and Jojo on them immediately. Jack was rambling about killing Albert with his jokes, and Jojo was more worried about checking for a swallowed tongue.

Race blinked and shook himself out of his thoughts immediately. His mouth tasted like alcohol and he grimaced a little at it. He also felt something close to guilt set on his lower stomach. He looked at Albert and sighed before smiling and brushing everyone away to help them stand up.

Albert just laughed and let themself be carried to a stool by the bar.

“It wasn’t that bad,” they said. Race was sitting next to them when he turned and waited for them to continue. “This year, I mean. It was kinda great.”

“Yeah,” Race smiled and shrugged. He intercepted Albert’s reach for a refill of beer and they pouted. “It was actually cool. Jack outdid himself with the impressions, and he called Finch hot—very publically—which was touching. And, we didn’t have to hear him sing his rendition of Tiny Dancer.”

As he spoke, Albert looked at him and nodded with a small smirk. Race looked around, then back at Albert, and they were still staring. He laughed awkwardly.

“What?”

“Nothing,” they said.

“Okay.”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Race said, frowning. “What?”

Albert bit their lip and started laughing with their head thrown back. They balanced forward and hit their head on the counter. Race started laughing as well.

“Oh, my god. You are so drunk.”

As his best friend flipped him off, Race stood to grab Albert by the shoulders with one hand and get their coat with another. He glanced back at where Jack seemed to be setting up a karaoke machine and then made his way towards the door.

“C’mon, let’s get you a cab home.”

[escargon]

May I have context for the Doug Walker review?

I’m so sorry to do this to you, but I started typing and accidentally wrote the script for like. A rant. So feel free to just skim but The Nostalgia Critic was a very vital influence and special interest to me when I was starting to view media more critically, as embarrassing as that is to admit now after everything that has happened. Ideally you don’t have to watch his review and give him anymore YouTube clout so, technically, I’m saving you about fifty minutes and keeping you from contributing financially to a scummy channel.

Doug Walker, esteemed Critic and Online Personality for 13 years wrote a little "love letter" to Pink Floyd in the form of his ""review"" of The Wall (1982). I don't know why he thought it was a good idea, maybe because of his Magnum Anuses of reviews of Baz Lurhmann's Moulin Rouge! (Review posted 2011) and Tom Hooper's Les Miserables (review posted 2013), where he rewrote parody songs to diss those movies in collaboration with other members of That Guy With the Glasses or Channel Awesome.

I grew out of that type of content in late 2017, but had no hard feelings other than a little embarrassment for admittedly basing a little bit too much of my epersonality on being a fan of his in middle school, but respect for his work especially since he seemed like an actual critical voice in his more laid-back, less scripted videos. That was of course until the document. The Not So Awesome Document* came out about a lot of workplace harassment, and led to the majority of the creators leaving and going on to do other things awhile ago, and the dust had settled around Doug and Rob Walker, and there are only a handful of creators left at CA. 

Fast forward to September 2019. Doug Walker, The Nostalgia Critic teams up with a 3D animator and the lead singer of Slipknot and his son to produce a critical deconstruction in song of the 1982 animated film The Wall based on the Pink Floyd album of the same name.

And he just. Doesn't. Get it.

[Content Warning for the "Not So Awesome" Document: discussion of abuse and harassment both sexual and not sexual, I can't remember if it's in the document but discussion that occurs around it might make reference to a team member’s suicide. Let me know if there was anything I missed, I went through the document when it first came out and may have forgotten if there was anything else. Viewing the document is not necessary for the context of this post, but is there in case you are interested]

Or maybe he does, but he chooses to not express it because poor ol Doug made some bad decisions during the peak of CA's questionable and harmful business practices, and now he's stuck in a role.

Either way. The review sucks.

He spends the entire video mocking the style of both the music and the visuals, and weaving a weird thread of shallow modernization through visuals like cellphones replacing the iconic marching hammers, for example. There is either a lack of understanding, or deliberate ignorance on his part as to what the piece means both to Roger Waters, but also of what it has gone on to mean for those who love it. There is a reason why The Wall is one of the most iconic rock operas of all time, and its because there is so much soul and meaning put into the songs. But you know what Doug Walker, experienced critic and expert deconstructor of cinema, got out of it?

Like... Doug, if you’re out there. I don’t know how to tell you this, but Pink Floyd’s lyrics were not meant to be subtle.

PINK FLOYD’S LYRICS WERE NOT MEANT TO BE SUBTLE.

The whole entire POINT of The Wall is that it’s angsty music from an angsty place, discussing the issue of self-isolation and bottling up one’s emotions, creating a WALL in between oneself and those around them as a result of various experiences experienced in Roger Water’s life. Doug’s assessment (because at a certain point it is just incorrect to call it a review) of both the visual and lyrics add nothing to the actual work, which wouldn’t be a problem if this were a seven to ten minute video in which he expressed ambivalence, or even dislike for the on the nose lyrics and abstract visuals. Not every review necessarily has to enhance the piece, especially not negative ones.

But Doug is so self-important in his assertion that his musical “”reviews”” are his best works, and he is most proud of those. His works are not reviews, they are recreations and parodies. They offer nothing but a glimpse into the mind of a sad man, out of touch with any critical analysis skills other than “hehe he used a DOUBLE NEGATIVE. He DOES need education because he’s STUPID” (.... he almost got it, I guess.)

There are moments like this, where it seems like he gets it. But then the fact that he is a straight, cis, white gen-X hits you in the head.

Whether or not this is genuinely how Doug thinks, by throwing so much time and money at this project he is endorsing this particular reading of Pink Floyd, and all the bands who have and still are making politically charged music. Doug Walker is presenting himself in a way that is no different to the cishet, white Gen Xs suddenly giving up support for Rage Against the Machine for uh. Raging against the machine.

Did I mention this was a musical review? Because it’s a musical review. Nobody is a good singer, and Doug Walker, Egomanic, really decided that his Pink Floyd parody songs were good enough to put on Spotify, which he gratuitously advertises in the video that you can go stream it on Spotify.

Through his video that’s supposed to be a “Love Letter” to Pink Floyd, the Nostalgia Critic gives us one of the stalest takes on what is one of the most celebrated pieces of classic rock. He critiques the movie for strange visual choices of both abstract and painfully literal imagery to accompany the songs Roger Waters wrote in response to feeling as though his personal relationships, experiences, and family’s stories. I believe he did love Pink Floyd, but his interpretation tells me that he grew up and out of feeling as though society needs to change, and that Water’s music is whiny and entitled because it targets and critiques a society in which he, now a grown man, is at the top of the pecking order.

The worst part is that the only real, solid comment that we get from Doug himself is that he like the movie just fine, and he squeezes it in right at the end. How insulting to the viewers, where instead of giving an actual review until the very end of your nearly hour-long video, you put on musical skits that point out “logically unsound” lyrics or “weird and obvious” imagery as though you think you’re some meta genius.

And he still has the balls to call this a “Love Letter” to Pink Floyd. Great. Incredibly lukewarm and lacking musical talent. 1/5 stars for the effort, however misguided and unnecessary.

Anyway, so that was probably more context than I needed to give RE: Doug Walker’s review of The Wall, but as I said before he was one of my inspirations and I feel like it’s only right that now that I’m older and wiser, and have as a result developed better critical thinking skills through education and otherwise analyzing media for myself I feel it is only right to hold him to the same standard, especially when he thinks he’s making art.

[jimlingss]

She’s Testosterone 3 [Finale] 1/2

Read the Original: She’s Testosterone Read the Sequel: She’s Testosterone 2 Read the Final Installment: She’s Testosterone 3 Part 1|Part 2

Words: 14.9k Genre: 49% Crack, 40% Fluff, 10% Smut, 1% Angst. Gender Bender!Au Summary: Drop dead gorgeous, cute and sassy - you adore your best friend. But is there more beneath the surface? Who exactly is Min Yoonji? Warnings: Swearing, blowjob (rofl) and wet dreams.

Disclaimer: Includes cross-dressing as the opposite gender. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the subject matter. Viewer discretion is advised.

No.

When did this happen? How did it become like this?

Your best friend is under you, half naked and exposed, chest rising and lips swollen.

The love of your life is standing at the door, mouth wide open and expressionless, stunned shock like a statue, unable to register what’s happening in front of him. His blank eyes read ‘ERROR’.

You urgently peel yourself off the warm body that your own aches for. And you try to cover up your own bare skin with your hands. “Ji-Jimin!”

His eyes flicker down to Yoonji, or what should be Yoonji. There’s a long ten seconds of absolute silence, where all three people are staring at each other, at a loss of what to say.

Then, Jimin suddenly books it down the hall.

“Jimin!” You chase after him, leaving the room but it’s empty. He’s gone. “Oh my god.”

Yoongi chuckles, plopping back down onto your bed with his head hitting your warm bedsheets. With the incident of Jimin barging into the room unannounced, the member in his pants softened immediately. He wouldn’t be able to get it back up if he wanted to.

Now, he’s left staring at the ceiling and he laughs some more, not from mirth or the hilariousness of the situation but the absurdity. “What now?”

When did this happen? When did it become like this?

A few months ago, you entered this college as an innocent bystander who just wanted to conquer obstacles and make it to success. The person you met that’s now lying on your bed, still half-naked, was your roommate. Since when did you become so attracted for that friend and since when did you feel like you were being pulled in a hundred different directions?

“I don’t know.”

Where did those days go?

[Several Months Ago]

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Excuse me! Sorry…” A few girls gasp before moving away, steering clear of you. You’re sure your entire face is beet red from drawing so much attention and ruining your first impressions with these people you’ll be neighbors with but it’s also due to the fact that you’re lifting three cardboard boxes, all stacked in front of each other and tipping like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

You can’t even see properly, your full view is obstructed and your cheek is smushed against the surface of the box. Though, you manage to find the correct room, luckily being able to nudge the door open with your foot. “There we go!”

After setting down the stack and merrily humming a song you heard from the radio, you bend over to pick up one of your many cardboard boxes up. The room is empty, a bit small but manageable. There are two beds on each side against the wall, a mere two strides distance from each other. It was orientation day, the same day that you were moving in. You haven’t met your roommate yet but you were super excited to!

You’re certain that the two of you would be the bestest friends ever-

“Ahem.” Someone clears their throat in the room and you jolt, letting a surprised yelp out. When you lower the box…..you’re met with the most gorgeous person ever.

Your breath hitches as your eyes run over your roommate...your stunning roommate. There’s an air of exuding confidence, a strong aura that makes your knees weak. It’s as if she knows everyone in her wake will crumble to their knees and worship her - she’s not wrong.

Your new roommate is attractive, so much so that you’re left ogling at her pretty, long legs that’s covered in black stockings. She has a bob haircut, silk strands of black hair with bangs dusting along her forehead. Below the cocked eyebrow, long lashes and rounded cheeks is pouted lips. The person’s skin is so clear that you’re jealous. And despite the intimidating and menacing visage of aloofness, it’s innocence. Your roommate looks adorable, like a teddy bear.

You fight the urge to run over and envelop her in an embrace.

“You’re drooling.”

“Crap! Sorry! I-I mean-....” You hastily wipe your mouth with your sleeve. “I mean- hi.”

“Hi.” She darts her eyes back down to the magazine, flipping through the pages of high end brands. Her legs are crossed and she appears apathetic to your arrival.

You swallow hard as you nervously and awkwardly linger. While ignoring the frightening atmosphere, you muster your most cheerful smile. “My name is Y/N! You must be-”

“Yoonji.”

Before you arrived at the dormitory, you already made yourself promise….you were going to become good friends with your roommate. You weren’t just going to co-exist quietly and leave the other alone, at least not when the interaction was going to be so high. You were going to be millimeters away from this girl for tens of hours at a time. The last thing you wanted was to be on bad terms with someone that was going to be so close by. This wasn’t going to be a repeat of high school and your deskmate, the girl who made you feel uncomfortable day in and day out.

If you made friends with your roommate - how much fun would that be?

The two of you could braid each other’s hair, study together and talk about your innermost secrets. It would be like a sleepover every night!

Except, this isn’t how you expected it to go. “I-I...I didn’t see you there! You really startled me. When I came here earlier, the room was empty so I thought you hadn’t arrived yet but I guess I was wrong! It’s funny how easily someone can become-”

As you’re stuttering and rambling like your tongue’s caught on fire, you don’t notice the box by your foot. Yoonji doesn’t say anything, rather amused as she watches you scatter forward, tripping over it like you’re doing a slapstick skit. “WOAH-!”

The box in your arms goes flying in the sky and the top opens, spilling out condoms like it’s raining. The cardboard tumbles to the floor, bouncing once before it slides a few centimeters and stills. But it’s landed in the sea of wrappers, the box of a hundred condoms poured with it.

Your mouth has fallen with the items onto the floor. Yoonji stares at the ground. She muffles a giggle behind her hand. You’re mortified.

“I-I….I can explain!” You drop down, collecting the wrappers by the armful, trying to hide the humiliation and the intense tomato shade of your face. “It’s my parents!”

“Wait!” You backtrack, throwing the condoms back into the box again and then seizing them by handfuls. “I mean they're from my parents not for my parents. God….now I can’t get that image out of my mind but no they-...they just want me to be prepared. I swear, they’re really good people!”

“Uh-huh.”

“My mom knows how college can be and we talked about safety before I left and so-”

You’re interrupted when Yoonji gets up, takes one single step and squats down. In the sea of new condoms, she picks one up with two of her fingers, chin resting in her hand and arm propped on her knee. The pretty girl gives an even prettier smirk and she steals the condom.

“Might need it for later.” Her smirk grows and she gets up to the door. “Have fun using them all.”

“I’m not going to use them all! Wait-!” But by then, the door has shut and you’re left alone, collapsing with your butt hitting the carpet.

Great.

Not only did you fail at making a good impression, now she probably thinks you’re an idiot.

You hold your face in your hands, attempting to stop your bottom lip from trembling, cursing in your head to not cry. Little did you know, that one day these condoms would all be used by Yoonji….with you.

[Present Day]

You can still remember what happened after you met your roommate.

You lost your way around and ended up running into her. It was a bit awkward, following her around campus like a puppy but she didn’t even say anything to you, much less acknowledge your existence. You tried to make amends and fix damaged first impressions by giving her cookies you had baked but she told you to “leave me the fuck alone, hoe.”

In the few days that passed after that, you were having a hard time. Being far away from family and homesick, Yoonji put a snack on your bedside table while you were sleeping. And when you woke up, she asked if you were okay. That was when you knew...behind the hard exterior, it was an endless land of softness. You knew then and a thousand times after that…

The two of you would become the greatest friends.

“Who would want to become friends with a loser like you?” She grumbled, trying to peel your arms that were wrapped around her own limb.

“Aww…” You pouted at her, sniffling and resting your cheek on her taller shoulder. “Don’t be like that, Yoonji. I know you love me.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah right.”

Now things have changed. Very much so. As you gaze upon the person by your side who is both your closest friend and the person you yearn for the most, you aren’t sure what you feel.

It’s still all so sudden. The hollows of Yoonji are still there; the intimidating air, the rounded cheeks and the long lashes, the innocence and pouted lips, the urge to cling and latch on haven’t dissipated either.

But it’s also Yoongi. Someone with calloused fingers and strong hands, a smirk like none other, raspy timbre and deep voice as if he were intoxicated and your desire...the attraction is undying. It seeps into your skin, crying out as if you were an animal in heat or some horny teenager.

Between the solid friendship and the blossoming love affair, you’re left in the middle, utterly confused.

“Do you think this will really work?”

“I don’t know.” He answers in sincerity as the two of you peek into the coffee shop, finding Jimin already seated at a table. Yoongi tugs on his skirt and tucks the strands of his wig behind his ear. “Let’s just give it our best shot.”

The tiny bell chimes as the door is pushed open.

“Hi, Jimin!” You wave at him with a bright beam.

Jimin darts his head over and his eyes broaden at the sight of Yoonji or at least what should be her. He even stands up, grinning wider as he scampers over, pulling out the chair for your roommate. “Lovely day, isn’t it, Jimin?”

“Yes, it is.” He plops back down and you take a seat next to your friend. Jimin never ceases his fond smile or stops staring at Yoonji, the braid in her hair to her glossy lips. Jimin was simply happy to be called out by her. Yet, there’s a smidgen of hesitance within his expression.

“I heard you met my brother.” Yoongi speaks in a sweeter voice, sparing a smile before she makes an order for an espresso and a sweetened cappuccino for you.

He blinks twice, “your brother?”

There’s no way he’ll buy into this. It’s a terrible lie.

“Yup.” Your roommate pops the ‘p’, leaning back in the seat in exhaustion. “We’re fraternal twins.”

Your eyes shut tight, fists in your lap. There’s no way he’ll believe this. Jimin’s going to find out. And once he does, everything will become exposed. Not only will Yoongi be punished and potentially thrown out, you’ll lose the person you care about the most. It’s a terrible lie.

Without warning, you feel warmth. There’s soft skin touching and easing your clenched fists. Yoongi’s snuck his own hand underneath the table and into your lap, relaxing your anxiousness, lacing your fingers through his. Your breath hitches in your throat and then you melt, loosening the tension in your shoulders.

Sneaking a peek at him, he still remains with a calm exterior, pretty features that you admire since the first day. The information sinks into Jimin’s skin and you redirect your irises to him, observing if he’ll buy into it. And he does.

“Wow! That’s amazing!” His eyes twinkle and his grin swells. “I didn’t know you had a brother, much less a twin, Yoonji!”

Of course - anything that Yoonji would say, Jimin would automatically hang onto every single dripping syllable. The recognition of this fact dawns sorrow inside your chest.

Yoongi smirks and shrugs nonchalantly. “He was just visiting today. Goes to another school.”

“So that must mean…” For the first time since the conversation started, Jimin looks directly at you. You automatically sit taller with a smile, gleaming back at him. His next words sends an arrow straight through your heart - one that’s not from cupid’s bow. “You’re in a relationship with Yoonji’s brother, Y/N?!”

“I’m-”

Yoongi harshly tugs on your hand and you yelp, becoming silenced.

“Wow! I didn’t know you were seeing someone. But that’s great, Y/N. I fully support it. You two looked like you were close!” Jimin gives you a huge thumbs up, nodding along and giving you the cutest smile you’ve ever seen. Your heart would usually race with the moon crescent eyes and the drawn lips but this time it hurts.

You pout and lower your head. Yoongi beside you sighs helplessly, watching you like you’re a disappointed puppy.

Jimin leans closer to Yoonji, staring right up at her. “I would love to hear more about your family!”

“I’m busy-”

“How about Saturday?” His enormous orbs twinkle and he doesn’t realize that he’s cut off the other. “I can take you out and we could grab a bite to eat!”

You turn your head up at your friend, wholly envious with the offer. If you were in those shoes, you’d jump over the table, grab Jimin’s hands and say ‘yes’ a million times over until your voice would give out. You’d jump and dance and celebrate.

Unfortunately, Yoongi misinterprets your glassy eyes and envy as coaxing to accept the offer since the boy was so understanding and believed the lie too easily. Yoongi practically smashes his head against the table as he exhales lethargically. “Fineee…”

Jimin almost breaks his face with his humongous smile.

You scream inside your head. It’s gone. It’s destroyed and there’s zero chances of recovering….

Your chances with the love of your life is ruined!

//

You’ve never been a secretive person. Hence, holding onto Yoongi’s most classified information on who he truly is was already quite a feat for you. Unfortunately, your emotions were still written all over your face, an open book for others to see your innermost dilemmas and struggles.

Today isn’t a different day from the usual.

“You...” When you lift your head up from your arms folded on top of the table, you find Kim Taehyung plopping down across, onto the other bench. “What’s wrong with you?”

Taehyung is the resident genius….in the land of the idiots, so really, he might be of average intelligence. There’s a saying out there on big fishes in a small pond or a small fishes in a big pond - Taehyung’s a normal sized fish in a fishtank of tadpoles.

But besides questioning his brilliant reputation, his lensless glasses that you have a thousand inquiries about and the brown mop of hair on his head, he looks quite concerned.

“Jimin…” You sniff out, deciding to confide in him. “He’s going on a date with Yoonji!”

“What?!” The boy slams his fist against the table, startling you. “Dammit! That Jimin making moves when I’m not around and stuck in the laboratory.”

Yoonji is the heartthrob of the institution. Despite the sharp tongue, bitchy expressions and disinterested nature, your roommate is someone that everyone swoons for. People either adore her, respect her or what to be her. There’s no in between. In this aspect, things haven’t really changed.

“I have to do something.” Taehyung mutters, ripping off his thick black frames. Then, he slides the glassless spectacles back onto his face. “I can’t just sit here waiting for Jimin to take her away. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I wasn’t on the other side of the wedding aisle but he was.”

You whimper, slowly nodding. There’s a vision that flashes beneath your eyelids; one where you’re draped in the most beautiful white gown, a wedding dress that’s shimmers in chandelier lights. A smile slips onto your lips when you lift your head and you find Jimin. He’s standing at the alter in a crisp suit, his hair cutely ruffled in chocolate shaded locks, gazing onto you in absolute fondness with his moon crescent smile. This is it. Your biggest dream has come true. But then-

The person who was walking you down the aisle lets go, only to be joined on the other side of the alter. You’re standing stunned, mouth dropping as the music quiets down. And Jimin wasn’t staring at you - he was staring at Yoongi! Your best friend betrays you once more, a piercing stab to your backside as he takes Jimin’s hand and the two join in matrimony.

“NO!”

Your daydream shatters with your wailing cry. A few people look over at you but you don’t notice when your hands are covering your face. You can’t let Yoongi take Jimin. Even if one day Jimin finds the truth, you’ll have no doubts that Yoongi would be able to charm the socks off of him, as a male or female or anything in between. Yoongi simply has that power of attraction, an unbeatable one that snakes around its victims. You can’t let that happen! THIS IS WAR!

“A-are you okay?” Taehyung asks for the second time, surprised at your sudden outburst.

Friendships aside. The rule of sisters before misters, bros before hoes have been discarded. You have to look out for yourself first and foremost. And if you want something, you won’t just wait until it comes to you. You have to go out and get it!

“Let’s do it.” You assert with the most confidence you’ve ever shown. “You’re right. We can’t let this opportunity slip by. One date will lead to three more and then ten and then twenty. Do you really want to watch them get together?! I don’t.”

“You’re very passionate about this, Y/N.” Taehyung muses with a pout, then he smirks and juts out his hand. You clasp his palm immediately, the two of you shaking it firmly without darting your eyes elsewhere. “Deal. Let’s do this together.”

Thus, the anti-ship of Jimin and Yoonji alliance is established.

//

“Are you sure this will work?” You’re cowering down in some bushes and shrubs, ignoring the people who shoot odd looks as they’re passing by. There’s an earbud in your left ear, sharing the other with him as the binoculars push against your eye sockets.

“Hey mom!” A kid shouts, pointing to you and Taehyung. “What are those people-?”

“Shush.” The mother pulls her along. “Don’t look at them.”

On any normal day, you’d feel embarrassed but the stakes are too high to feel shame.

Taehyung sports a telescope and he hums at the back of his throat. “Who do you think I am? Of course it’ll work. It wasn’t hard putting a bug and tracker on Jimin either. The poor thing was so jittery this morning.”

You frown, wondering what it would be like if Jimin was nervous for you. “What are they doing?” The lenses focuses and your finger presses against the side of the binocular, snapping a shot into the memory card.

Maybe Taehyung really was a genius after all. When you both discussed plans, he leant out his technology and now you were dressed from head to toe in it. Aside from the refined binoculars, the gps trackers, the bug and the telescope, he had a fanny pack on with other mysterious tools.

“They’re moving!” Taehyung grabs onto your wrist, forcing you to stand and follow.

Urgently, the pair of you slide black sunglasses onto your face, despite it being a cloudy day. You and Taehyung look like you’re wearing matching couple outfits, identical black trench coats, jeans and fedoras; adding to the investigative feel and overall aesthetic. It’s supposed to be a disguise, make you blend into the crowds walking on the paved sidewalks but you question if it’s merely adding more suspicion.

You brush away any doubts, closing in on Jimin and Yoongi dressed as Yoonji. They enter a cute corner store, grabbing lunch together and you inhale a sharp breath, entering after three minutes. Taehyung picks a seat in a booth, getting a good view of the couple while still hidden away in the corner.

“What do you like to eat, Yoonji? I’ll treat you to anything you want!”

“Whatever is fine.” Your roommate is slumped downwards, lazily resting his chin in his hand, arm propped up on the table. It’s a terribly unladylike posture and you cringe at how he’s manspreading again when he’s wearing a skirt.

“Okay.” Jimin still remains in a chipper mood, lolling his head to one side as he studies the menu. “How about a sandwich with a side of fries and I’ll get a burger with coleslaw. If anything we can share?”

Yoongi yawns, saliva dripping from his mouth. He doesn’t even wipe it away. “Fine.”

Jimin’s grin widens at the validation regardless of the indifferent tone. He calls upon the waitress and makes the order. “Damn. Yoonji’s so hot.” Taehyung mutters and you solemnly agree. Even seated on the chair with the light basking in through the windows, your best friend looks like a painting.

Strands of black hair as dark as night reminiscent to that of Snow White, pink lips puckered into a small pout that’s glossed over with your lipstick stain product, a chickadee yellow dress stolen from your closet and brown leather jacket to pair with the ankle boots and knee-length stockings. Half of the things Yoongi’s wearing were stolen from you but you wouldn’t look half as good as he does. It somehow hurts your pride as a woman, making you seethe in your seat.

“You’re mumbling again.” Taehyung smiles at you, nudging your foot under the table.

“Oh.” You blink hard, catching yourself. “Sorry.”

“Hi, what would you like to order?” A waiter saunters up and when Taehyung looks at you, you only shrug, eyes pinned onto Jimin.

“We’ll both take the house special with soup.” Taehyung replies charmingly and the waiter scribbles it down before answering that it’s a good choice and should only take five minutes.

“I’m glad we’re in this together.” You tell him, realizing you’ve had to shoulder the burden of Yoongi’s secret alone. But at the very least, you had Taehyung with you now. Even if he isn’t that helpful, the two of you have similar goals in mind and work well together.

“Same here. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even know that Jimin was doing this. So, thanks Y/N.” He smiles at you and you feel a warm heat immersing your cheeks as you nod at him.

“By the way...those glasses of yours. Since when have you been wearing them?”

“Since I was born.” He replies shortly, instantly freezing up and sitting straight at your query regarding his spectacles.

“Why don’t they have anything-”

“I think our food’s coming out!” He changes the topic but the waitress turns the corner instead of waltzing to your table. He laughs awkwardly, swallowing hard and looking at you again. You scoff lightly, wondering why he was so strange.

The soup does eventually come out and for a good second, you forget that you’re watching Yoongi with Jimin. You get lost creating secret codes and signals with Taehyung, an intricate set of high fives and handshakes as your new greeting, giggling at his silly antics and how clumsy and silly he can be despite his title of brilliance. The food warms up your tummy and makes you even more giddy.

“Oh my god.” Your eyes enlarge and you point past him.

Taehyung turns around and gasps. “Where did they go?!”

Luckily, he had thought first and immediately pulled out a gadget to read their location. He ended up paying the bill in spite of your insistence that you could pay your own part but there wasn’t much time to argue when you were rushing out.

“The-” You suck in a huge breath of air, hyperventilating from the run. Taehyung’s in an identical condition, hands on his knees, hunched over to breathe. He takes off his glasses, wiping the sides before sliding them back on. “The movie tickets are on me.”

The audacity! The two of them decided to go see a movie, curl up together in close seats and in a shadowy theater. It’s a romcom movie no less, full of cringey and cheesy lines that can make anyone feel weak in their knees. You’re sure Jimin had picked it since Yoongi wouldn’t care for such a thing.

The sunglasses are still on your face and you manage to spot the couple smack dab in the middle of the rows, sharing a bucket of popcorn - though it seemed Yoongi was stuffing his face more violently, not caring about the butter smearing all over his coral cheeks.

You nearly trip over the stairs. “I can’t see.”

After your sharp whisper, barely heard over the commercials playing on the screen, Taehyung takes your hand into his. His palm and fingers are much larger than yours, engulfing it in warmth as opposed to the matching fit of Yoongi’s hand. While Taehyung has a bigger size and his skin feels softer, Yoongi’s is more secure and a rougher texture, calloused fingertips that you distinctly remember.

You don’t get to dwell as Taehyung leads you up to sit at the back of the rows. “Can you hear them?” He gently presses the earbud into your ear and as you tune in, concentrating with all your might, you can only hear the booming of the infomercials.

“I can’t.”

He sighs and then shrugs. “Oh well.”

As the both of you try your best to watch Jimin and Yoonji, tilting your heads and describing the different things you see based on your angles, you soon settle in when the movie begins.

It’s not bad. A tale about two people from different backgrounds, sharing a rendezvous from a chance encounter and their story of falling in love, going through trials and errors. The movie isn’t spectacular or completely fresh since it’s things you’ve seen before but it’s not terrible enough to make you lose attention or focus or make you bored. “Are you okay?”

Taehyung abruptly leaning in makes you turn to him. He peels off his trench coat and then drapes you in it. A whole new layer is added and you didn’t realize that you were shivering from the intense air conditioner.

“Thanks.” You open it up more, also leaning closer. “We can share.”

He nods and huddles with you, draping the fabric like a blanket. The two of you focusing back on the movie as the main character screams out for her lover. “Don’t leave me! Please! I love you! Come back!”

It ends before you become aware of it.

“Not bad.” He muses. “I’ve seen worse.”

“Yeah, I actually really liked the part where she was the one who proposed to him on the balcony. It was just so romantic- whoa!”

You’re pulled off to the side behind a plant. Taehyung points to the entrance of the theater where Jimin and Yoonji are standing. “Look!”

You gasp. No. It can’t be. It can’t!

It almost looks as if Jimin….as if Jimin will…...like he’s going to….kiss Yoonji?!

All the senses in your body are tingling and not because you’re pulled against Taehyung but because there’s a thousand urges that scream out for you to lunge forward, interrupt and intercept the situation before the deal is sealed. But your feet are grounded and your limbs turn into stone. Taehyung shares a similar state as you. The pair of you are paralyzed.

“I really enjoyed today.” Jimin smiles so splendidly it shines like the sun, challenging the moon that hangs above the darkened sky. “I would love to do it again sometime, Yoonji!”

“Uh-huh.”

Right as Jimin’s eyes flicker to the other’s lips and he leans in…

You yelp softly. Taehyung shuts his eyes.

Yoongi slaps his hand over Jimin’s mouth, cupping his lips and shielding them away.

“Maybe some other time, Jimin.” He says in his sickeningly sweet and high pitched voice, tilting his head to the side. Jimin doesn’t even look hurt from the rejection, nodding enthusiastically at the honey dripping syllables.

“Okay!”

You feel like you can finally breathe again.

//

When the door opens, you put on your best smile, pretending that you were in the room all evening and night, catching up on some light reading. “Hey there, sunshine!”

You giggle as Yoongi slams the door with the back of his foot. He looks like the Yoonji you know, all dolled up and pretty but in one minute, it’s turned into Yoongi. He throws off his boots, crashes on the bed and peels off his stockings, ripping off the wig. “Hey.”

“Bad day?”

Sure. Your best friend turned into your love rival. But at the end of the day, Yoonji….and Yoongi would forever remain your friend and roommate. In any shape or form, anything else doesn’t matter. You still deeply care for this person, this individual that you cherish.

“Yeah.”

The magazine in your hands is closed, chucked onto the nightstand table in between your beds and you flip onto your stomach, watching him with your head on your folded arms. “How was your date with Jimin? Was it good? Perfect? Wonderful?”

You wanted to know what Yoongi truly thought about the date. It was one thing to follow them and listen in on their conversations but the mind could be intricate. You could never tell what your roommate was thinking about anyways. It did make you a bit uneasy to think about Yoongi falling for Jimin….if your best friend suddenly saw what you did; how cute and reliable and adorable the other boy was. But the uneasiness doesn’t stem from Jimin’s single status being taken away. The feeling has no relation to Jimin as a matter of fact...you can’t pinpoint why….

“Pft.” He stretches his arms before grabbing a change of clothing from the wardrobe. “Did you want to join us?”

“I-” You clear your throat, not wanting to stutter and make it suspicious. If it was anyone who could read you, Yoongi could and one measly hint would unravel it all. “I just want to know if he bought the lie of course. No other reasons.”

You still feel bad for lying to Jimin. Deceiving such an innocent...sweet...naive boy. It felt like you were committing the most heinous sin of all. “The idiot believed it alright.”

Your body rolls to face the wall when he begins stripping out of the bright dress. Your eyes flutter closed and a heat emerges when you hear the fabric drop down in a smooth motion. The thought of his nakedness being sheer millimeters away made you nervous. Ever since you kissed him and Jimin barged in, you both hadn’t spoken about the incident.

Sometimes you can’t help but wonder…

If you weren’t interrupted, how far would you two have gone?

“Hey. Who’s trench coat is this?”

When you look over, Yoongi’s in his pajamas, blue shorts and white shirt. Two of his fingers are pinching at the sleeve, the coat hanging off your desk chair. You gasp, having accidentally forgotten to give it back to Taehyung or hiding it away from Yoongi.

“That’s…” You decide to be honest, having a hard time keeping up with so many lies. “...Taehyung’s. I forgot to give it back to him. He gave it to me since I was a bit cold.”

“Oh. I didn’t know you hung out with him.”

“Actually, today I did.” It didn’t occur how close you had gotten to him in the past twenty four hours. Before today, the most contact you had with Taehyung was sharing lunch together with the others on the occasion he passed by and saw Yoonji, trying to chat her up.

“He’s actually quite nice.” You hum out, now off to your dreamland as your lips tumble out your ramblings. “I thought he was a weirdo before...kind of strange since you know his glasses are weird. They don’t have any lenses….Oh! And I tried asking him about it but he avoided the topic...Taehyung’s actually quite nice. I guess he’s the top student for a reason. But yeah, I spent the entire day with him.”

“Like a date?”

“Hmmm…” Now that you think about it, it was kind of like a date. You went to have lunch with him, talked to him and had a ton of fun conversing with the boy. You even went to the movies and he sent you home, hugging you before he left. “I don’t know.”

“Huh.”

You don’t notice Yoongi’s left eye twitching. When he throws the trench coat to the ground and stomps on it and you yell at him, he says it was an accident and brushes it off. You don’t realize that his steps are stomps, that the bathroom door closes harder than it should. When he finishes washing up, he flickers off the light without any warning.

“I’m not done reading.” You whine with an unseen pout. The sound of covers are heard as Yoongi curls up under his sheets.

“Too bad. I’m going to bed.”

You sigh, curling your cold toes together as you watch the lump on the mattress across from you. “Feel better, Yoongi. You did a very good job today. I’m proud of you.”

He makes a strangled and exhausted noise. You go to sleep with a smile on your face.

//

An hour later, Yoongi throws the covers off of himself, having sweated profusely under them. He glares at your profile, the peacefulness of your expression and the rise and fall of your chest, snores leaving them. The moonlight streams in from the window, making your skin glow.

His eyes flicker to the coat and he scowls like a cat annoyed to no end.

Yoongi pulls the blankets up again. He’s only sure of two things.

One: He won’t be able to catch a wink of sleep tonight. Two: You’re going to be the death of him.

//

“Isn’t the amusement park so great, Yoonji?!” Jimin jumps up and down like an excited child, the mouse ears on his newly purchased hat flops up and down. His grin is wide and radiant, cheeks gleaming pink. “I’m so glad you decided to come with me.”

“Uh-huh.” As their hands accidentally brush each other’s and Jimin attempts to slyly hold hands, Yoongi loses his mind and withdraws, coughing to clear his throat and crossing his arms, completely out of reach for the other.

Jimin smiles and puts his hand into his pockets instead. “Should we go onto a roller coaster? Oh! What about the log ride?!”

The amusement park is lovely at night. The twinkling lights sparkles and creates a mosaic of carnival red and royal blue hues. The scent of caramel kettle corn and caramel apples, corn dogs and funnel cakes fill the warm air. There are spinning and rotating rides, distant screams heard from them and all around are lovers holding hands, children running between crowds with childish laughter.

Yoongi hates it.

All he wants to do is curl up in his bed, slip between toasty covers, poke his eyes out….to stare at you across the room. But at the moment, he’s with Park Jimin. The annoying kid who never stops smiling but Yoongi has to admit, he’s tenacious. Annoyingly so, to the point where Yoongi couldn’t do anything but accept the date request after being pestered for three days in a row.

Yoongi’s also not very fond of rollercoasters and rides. The adrenaline never did much for him but makes him feel slightly queasy.

“Please keep all your hands and feet in! Your safety is our biggest concern!” A chirpy employee wearing an LED neon headband motions with all her energy. She grins and waves as the long boat jolts, beginning to take off. “Enjoy the ride everybody!”

With the blind enthusiasm and cuteness of the employee, Yoongi’s reminded of you.

He grimaces pondering what you’re doing at this moment. What if you were the one beside him instead? Would he hate it so much then?

“Are you ready? Woo! This is going to be so much fun!” Jimin lifts up his arms, the both of them are inclined backwards as the boat rides up the slope. Some water sloshes inside and Yoongi winces at the coldness. No one in the amusement park is as miserable as he is. Yoongi’s positive, especially when the numerous people behind him are shouting for joy and excitement.

His stomach lurches when there’s a tiny fall and Jimin screams even louder with the people behind. The boat rushes straight forward and the wind slaps him across his face, making him blink several times. There are more dips here and there, letting the butterflies flutter in his abdomen. Yoongi’s thanking the heavens that he didn’t decide to eat a heavy lunch earlier.

The boat slows down considerably as it turns a few rounded corners. Then, it makes a full stop in front of the first smaller drop. Yoongi gulps, apprehensive as he looks down at the fifty feet descent. He wonders why the hell Jimin and him are seated at the very front. “Woo! This is amazing!” Jimin shouts and Yoongi has no choice but to lift his hand to his head, pressing down his bob wig to his scalp…..and then the boat tumbles down.

The screams that threaten to pull out of his lungs like the tens of people behind him screeching in delight are instead stuck in his throat. Yoongi opens his mouth, stunned shock and trying to recover. The water had splashed him, making his knees completely wet. But what’s even more appalling…..is that a certain scream sounded like it was coming from you-

“One more to go!” Jimin whips up his arms into the air, embracing the rush. The boat is finished climbing a massive hill and it halts at the top of the edge, wobbling at the very tip.

It’s the last drop. Twice in size from the first one. A hundred feet. From the view at the top, it looks like a straight ninety degree fall. “Fuck!”

Yoongi holds his wig to his head, screaming at the top of his lungs. The others behind him shout too and Jimin giggles. The boat finally tips over and it plunges downwards with all the forces of gravity. The camera snaps a blinding flash. The water splashes like the most intense shower, a waterfall no less. Yoongi’s voice raises to the highest possible pitch. Jimin is still laughing like a maniac. The ride is finally over.

Yoongi feels like his soul’s left his body.

“Wasn’t that fun?” Jimin skips about, crescent eyes paired with his lopsided lips. “Let’s look at the picture, Yoonji!” He pulls the other over and the two wait by the screen, photos passing by at the booth. “Oh! That’s us.”

He lays his eyes on the snapshot, not altering his impassive expression despite realizing how horrible he looks - mouth half open and one of his eyelids closed, wind smacking across the skin of his cheeks, hands hanging onto his fake hair like it's a hat. Jimin, on the other hand, looks delighted with his arms in the air.

What catches Yoongi's attention, however, is a pair sitting towards the back. The male is wearing a trench coat and sunglasses, looking highly suspicious with his boxy grin. The companion beside the male is visibly shrieking...sunglasses flying off and into the air, revealing half of their face.

“Y/N?” He suddenly turns around, lifting a brow. The glare of the monitor from the fairy lights had revealed the reflection of two figures walking by.

You freeze, neck craning over. “Y-Y….Yoonji?”

Taehyung is seen nervously swallowing and then he bursts out in laughter, ripping off the dark spectacles. “What a coincidence!” Didn't know you guys were here on a date! Nope...totally had no knowledge of it whatsoever.”

You want to facepalm at how obvious he's making it, an even worse of a liar than you are. “Wow! It is a coincidence!” Jimin seems to buy into like the angel that he is, unable to comprehend why anyone would want to deceive him. “Are you two on a date too? Oh, but Y/N...what about Yoongi?”

Jimin glances over to your best friend upon mentioning the supposed ‘brother’.

Yoongi dressed as Yoonji, crosses his arms. He looks completely unimpressed and you wither under the glare. “Yeah, Y/N. What. about. Yoongi?.”

You laugh stiffly. “This is just a hangout...right, Taehyung?”

The boy in question simply blinks at you. “Who’s Yoongi?”

A sigh leaves your parted lips. “It's complicated.”

“Well, now that you’re here! You could join us! Like a double date?” Yoongi unexpectedly sparks up in a springy and light tone. He leans onto Jimin, grabbing his arm and pouting cutely at him. “That’s okay, right, Jimin?”

“O...oh yeah!” He’s immediately flustered by the unusual affection of Yoonji. “That’s fine.”

Taehyung shrugs in affirmation. “Sure, why not?”

You’re the last to answer, giving a small laugh but not much can be done when Yoongi grabs your hand and smiles like he’s your girl bff of twenty years when in reality his grasp is an iron vice. “Let’s go!”

//

The bumper cars are next and he is absolutely merciless.

Jimin is having a good old time, laughing his head off in his own little world, wincing and giggling when someone bumps into him. He sports a red adorable car and you try to follow him but he’s too fast and skilled, easily turning the vehicle to maximize his playing time. Taehyung is in a similar state of bliss, except he’s more concentrated on beating others, zipping through the arena.

On the contrary, you’re suffering greatly. “Stop bumping into me!”

Your scream only makes Yoongi bump into you again. “That’s the game, Y/N! How can I stop?” And his grin is menacing, as if pouring out all his rage and anger onto you.

Min Yoongi is a parasite you can’t get rid of. He follows you, attacking at any given chance, ignoring the other players and children, devoted solely into hitting you with his lime green convertible. Eventually, you’ve become cornered, backwards from the direction you’re supposed to be in, facing Yoongi and his smirk. He soon stretches his arms, hands off of the wheel but foot still pressed onto the gas, not allowing you to move an inch. “Yoongi!”

He tuts on his tongue, feigning sharpness in his soft glare. “That’s not my name right now, brat.”

You fake a sob and then the ride officially ends, kids rushing out of the arena onto another game. Jimin and Taehyung are walking at the same pace. “Wasn’t that so much fun?!”

Taehyung turns to you but you only pout and murmur in a weak voice, “I didn’t get to play.”

Your roommate exhales helplessly then tugs on your hand. The mischief and teasing has ended, shifted onto a more solemn tone. “Y/N. We should talk-”

“Hey guys!” Jimin interrupts without realizing. “The merry-go-round!”

Yoongi exhales again when you slip out of his grasps, running off happily with the two other baboons. The only people on the carousel are children...so maybe it is suitable for the three of you to perch yourself onto the colourful horses, motioning him over to sit.

“This is stupid.”

“Oh cheer up, Yoonji.” Taehyung smiles, petting his plastic companion and curling his hands safely onto the golden rod that attaches itself to the ceiling. The ride begins as the piano music and sweet violin pulls themselves together in a harmonic song.

It’s a plain ride. One that has no thrills or surprise drops, pulsing adrenaline that makes you scream. It’s suitable for toddlers and babies, grandmothers and grandfathers with brittle bones. Perhaps that’s why you like it so much. It’s gradually moving, peaceful and constant. You can feel at complete ease, let your eyes wander to the underside of the shell ceiling, gazing at all the paintings of cherub angels. The pretty lights of the entire park swirl around you in warm hues. The horse beneath you dips on occasion, making you feel like you’re inside a snow globe or a music box. Time slows down and you’re able to capture the memory, a moment to breathe in the chaos.

Without you being aware, Yoongi spends the total duration of the ride gazing at you; the way your orbs expand and fill with wonder, skin reflecting against the luminescence, the slight smile that pulls on your lips.

“Y/N. We should talk-”

“Look! The ferris wheel!” Taehyung runs between you two, causing Jimin to urge you both onwards. You’re shoved into the roseate cart before you can get a chance to ask Yoongi what he wanted to talk about. “I’m amazed the lineup wasn’t that long! The view is incredible!”

Jimin also marvels out the window as the cart progresses higher and higher. You keep your eyes trained outside, watching as the people become little specks like the stars in the sky.

“You know…” Jimin draws your attention and he looks at both you and Taehyung seated next to each other. “The two of you actually look pretty good together! Almost as if-”

Suddenly, Yoongi steps on his foot. “Oops! My bad.”

“Oh no. It’s okay, Yoonji.” Jimin perks up with another grin, masking his pain.

Taehyung attempts to steal his thunder away, “so Yoonji...this place is fun and all but I know an observatory where you could see all the stars at night.”

“Really?” Your eyes widen and you lean forward. Taehyung nods.

“It’s beautiful, telescopes that you could see through and a place with grass where you can lie down and watch the galaxy. If you want I could take you sometime-”

“I don’t know how I feel about going to an observatory.” Yoongi interjects, flipping his hair back with the pouted pink lips you’re jealous of. Taehyung’s attention is redirected towards your best friend. Even when you’re half-in-the dark, the lights from the outside seeping in through the windows, Yoongi as Yoonji is still absolutely stunning and breathtaking.

“You like the amusement park much better?” Jimin smiles kindly at her, practically begging for her validation. He glows brighter when she meekly hums.

“W-well-” Taehyung stutters, “if you don’t like the observatory then I know a really nice place where we could have a picnic, Yoonji!”

“But Yoonji’s already promised to have a picnic with me!” Jimin announces to Taehyung, looking at him in slight alarm. He whips his head to the other. “Right, Yoonji?”

“Guess we’re going to have to see….”

You sink back into the bench, staring out the windows, refusing to be a part of the battle for Yoonji. There’s an internal sigh that erupts through the hollows of your mind as Jimin and Taehyung continue to fight for your precious roommate’s time and attention.

//

“Y/N. We need to talk-”

“Oh my god!” Taehyung and Jimin both point to a giant swinging boat. “Is that the pirate ship ride?” They’re chasing the lights, running forth and you’re about to join them but then you’re pulled back, a gentle hand wrapping around your wrist.

“I don’t think so.”

“Wait! What about the ride? What about Taehyung and Jimin?!”

“We are getting away from those apes.” Yoongi drags you to another ride, one that has no line up and the employee directs you into the cart promptly. The silhouettes of the two boys disappear, having no ideas that you and ‘Yoonji’ have vanished behind them.

“What’s wrong?”

The cart launches into the gloomy tunnel and your best friend exhales. “I wanted to ask if you and Taehyung were following me and Jimin. So...were you?”

You’re glad that you’re presently in complete darkness, the ride moving at a turtle’s pace, swishing the water beneath gently. If he could see you, he’d be able to see your entire face flushing. “N-no! Of course not. Why would I do such a thing like that?” Nervous laughter bubbles in your throat.

“You are so frustrating.” He draws out in exasperation, a slight bitchy tone that reminds you of the Yoonji you knew before the entire reveal. “Did you know that?”

“What?”

“How can you be so dense, Y/N?”

You don’t understand where he’s coming from, why he’s suddenly having an outburst. And before you can ask him, the entire tunnel lights up in a neon pink shade, startling you. There are hearts all over the tunnel walls and Yoongi seems as bewildered as you are. “Uh...what ride did you pick?”

Yoongi frowns and he leans forward, reading the words off of the cart you’re in. “Oh god.”

“What? What is it?”

“Welcome to the Tunnel of Love!” A booming voice, a man’s deep timbre rumbles from the ceiling speakers as you’re quickly turning a corner. “Enjoy, sit back and relax. Get closer to your loved one. Don’t hold back now.”

“Uh….Yoongi?”

You’re answered with seductive saxophone music playing but what makes you ten times more embarrassed is the raunchy sounds overlapping the melody. There’s a deep groan of ‘oh yeah’ repeated over and over again with a woman’s moan as if porn is being played. It’s down right dirty and lewd, making you cover your ears with a yelp, cheeks detonating in a burning red.

Yoongi shuts his eyes and puts his fingers to his temples, as if praying or asking for patience. Little did you know, he’s doing everything in his power to make sure a tent doesn’t blow up in his pants. He doesn’t look at you and you don’t look at him.

As if to make things worse, there are little platforms off to the side. On a more innocent ride, they would have little houses and families, a village of some sort for children to point at and parents to observe. But in the ‘Tunnel of Love’ there are strange sculptures of humans contorted into different sexual positions...positions you didn’t even know were physically possible. There’s a land of dildos, of vaginas and so forth. You shut your eyes, humming to yourself despite the vulgar sound effects seeping past your fingertips, roaring in your eardrums.

It’s a fun house of all things sex. And you’re absolutely mortified.

You can understand why there were literally no souls lined up for this.

The ride lasts three minutes, an incredible duration compared to other rides and you don’t even want to begin thinking about why they made it this way. But despite the time, it feels like one goddamn long eternity.  

“Thank god that’s over…” You laugh stiffly and Yoongi joins in with you but instead of seeing light at the end of the tunnel, you make another rounded corner. At first, you’re fearful that they’ll be making a u-turn, allowing couples to experience the ride twice. But then the man’s operating automatic voice comes on again-

“Uh oh! Looks like we got trouble in pleasantville! Hang on! Things are about to get spooky in here! Don’t be fearful to…...grab on tighter.” The suggestiveness of the voice makes you even more anxious but at least the moaning sounds are gone…

That’s what you and your naive brain thought.

But the world is much crueler than that. And even more vicious to you, the little lamb who thought it was the end.

“FUCKING HELL!” Yoongi curses without restraint. The lights flash vigorously with the thunder, a fog misting above the water. There are multiple jump scares, white masks that pop out from nowhere, menacing laughter attacking from all sides. Slithering voices screeches out for help, sobbing and wailing that send goosebumps all over your skin. It’s like humans are being tortured, someone is being brutally slaughtered, a demon lurking in the shadows.

It’s even worse knowing that the pair of you are utterly alone. There’s no one in front of you or behind you, plunge in the blackness. If something did happen, the teenager standing in front of the entrance probably wouldn’t notice and it would take two full days for rescue teams to find your missing bodies floating in the cold waters.

You latch onto Yoongi’s turtleneck sweater, pressing your body against his as close as physically possible. But Yoongi jumps and with the pressure of your warm skin against his. He seems to be developing a problem...that’s not so small. “Y/N. Can you let go-”

He becomes silenced as the cart rounds a corner and there’s a little girl at the side platform. She adorns a white dress, black hair draped in front of her face. “Help me….help me, please! Why won’t anybody help me?!”

She abruptly lunges forward, arm out to grab you. You and Yoongi scream together and he pulls you closer to him, almost adjusting you to sit in his lap. “We’re going to die!” You sob out, digging your butt closer and closer to Yoongi’s crotch, curling yourself inwards. He opens his mouth to tell you to stop moving but he’s interrupted yet again from another jump scare.

Right as you feel your soul leaving your body, the cart suddenly stops.

“Oh no. Oh god. It better not break down. Please!” Yoongi slams the side and the two of you mutter prayers in any languages you know, to any deity or god, to Heaven and to Hell. Thankfully, after five heartbeats, the machine seems to boot back up again and it moves onwards.

The light is seen and you’ve never been happier to return to civilization.

The cart does a small dip, a tiny splash and then it halts at the entrance. The teenager makes a disgusted face at the position you’re both in - grabbing onto each other, your body turned halfway and arms thrown around Yoongi’s neck, how you’re seated in his lap and his hands are on your waist. You don’t even notice, trying to regain your sanity.

You’re still frightened but feel dirty. There’s a need to bathe in holy water, wash your eyes and ears out, call your parents and apologize to them. But you also feel like you’ll need to bring a flashlight to bed tonight and that you might not be able to catch much sleep.

When you stumble out, the title of the ride reads: ‘HAUNTED TUNNEL OF LOVE’.

//

As you’re staring down at a few knickknacks and keychains, something is plopped onto your head. “Hey!”

You’re met with Yoongi’s gummy smile when you turn around. You try to look up but unable to see what he put on you, your toes swivel to the mirror. It’s a dog headband, brown droopy ears that fall on the sides of your face. “Cute.”

You blush at his one worded compliment, short and simple but sweet, summing his entire personality up. But you’re even more flustered with the way he stares at you, like he cherishes you the most. “But why this one?”

“The minute I turn around, you’ve already fallen in love with someone else.” Yoongi reaches over, pinching your cheek. “You’re like a lovesick puppy in need of constant care and attention.”

You grimace, not comprehending what he means by you falling in love with someone else. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Yoongi shrugs and you scoff, taking a headband by the nearby shelf. On the tips of your toes, you reach up to adjust it onto his head, making it sit perfectly on the bob hair cut wig, the iconic side braid not in the way. Yoongi looks into the mirror, satisfied with your pick on the obnoxious red polka dotted bow. You’re slightly surprised as to why he didn’t rip it off or object to it.

“You know…” The both of you stand in front of the mirror side by side, appearing to others that you’re more like extremely close best friends than lovers. “...I look a lot prettier than you.”

“Hey!”

It’s slightly sad that you can’t object to that fact. “But you’re a lot cuter.”

“What?”

“C’mon, let’s go.”

“Wait! Don’t we have to pay for these?”

He spins around with a smirk tugging the side of his mouth. “Already did.”

Yoonji as your best friend has always been intense. She was sassy, peculiar and spiky, a sharp cactus or rose that no one could get close to. You loved and adored her dearly, hanging onto her every statement like the tens of people who were infatuated and pinning after your roommate. But ever since the ordeal and you find out who it really was, the person whom you cared about so deeply, nothing’s ever been the same.

Even now, when your bestfriend is in a turtleneck sweater and jeans, lips pulled into a bright smile and hair shoulder length, brushing against the forehead - all you see is Yoongi. No matter what form your best friend is in or wearing, female or male or anything in between, you still love this person.

The raspy voice, rounded cheeks and the pouty lips, the softened yet sleepy eyes - the individual that makes your heart leap with a mere call of your name, that speaks sharply underneath hidden compassionate intent, a frowning teddy bear that’s made of plush….

“Yoongi.” You’ll always have a place in your heart for this person. “Put your leg down.”

“No.”

You sigh, watching as he holds the gun up, foot still rested at the edge of the stand. An eyelid closes as he approximates and then-

Bang!

It’s a bullseye precisely in the target, an impeccable hole made in the exact center. Everyone who is nearby in the vicinity stops and claps. Your jaw drops. Even the game vendor seems shocked, tipping his crimson hat forward as he bows. “Nice job! What kind of prize would you like? You can have anything from the top row.”

Yoongi looks over at you and you’re staring directly at- “That one, please.”

Once you’ve walked away from the fair games, he’s shoved it to you. “Are you giving it to me?”

“Sure.” He shrugs, looking around without a care. “It’s too much of a hassle for me to carry it anyways.”

The stuffed animal is a rounded black cat, chubby and made of cotton. It’s dark fur is soft and fuzzy like a blanket and it’s large enough to cover your entire abdomen. The plushie has pointy ears and a tail, rounded eyes with a yellow rim, a button nose as well. “It reminds me of you.”

Yoongi would protest but with your fond smile staring at the animal, he decides not to say anything. A smile similar to yours graces his lips.

It becomes chillier and when you reach out, looping your arm around his, latching on as you used to do - he lets go. You’re about to apologize for accidentally touching him without asking, forgetting that he’s no longer Yoonji that you used to pester but then the words suffocate when he instead….holds hands with you, lacing his fingers through yours.

A heat sweeps up to your face and his other hand points at a stand. “Want to get some cotton candy?”

You’re the one who pays this time to make up for the headband on your head. You get the pink kind that’s wrapped around the stick. When you set yourself down at the bench, Yoongi stuffs his face and bites the very top of it. “Hey!”

“I don’t want to get my hands dirty.”

“Pft.” You try to do the same thing, digging your face in to chomp on the cotton, ripping it with your teeth. The sweet teeth-aching sugar melts on your tongue and you giggle. Yoongi smiles and then the pair of you accidentally go in for another bite at the same time.

In a romcom movie sort of way, your heart thunders against your rib cage but you don’t care for how cliché the moment is nor do you shift away in embarrassment. Yoongi’s eyes are half-lidded, face close to yours but still a bit too far. His hand covers yours, moving the treat down and then he leans in, his other hand cupping your cheek. Your breath goes uneven as your forehead touches his. His hot breath fans against your lips and your eyes shut.

Your tongue peeks out, licking your lips and then for just a moment...you feel the plushness press against yours-

“Yoonji?!” A bloodcurdling scream rips through the air and you both flinch away from each other. “YOONJIIIIIII!! Where are you?!”

Another voice in a deeper timbre calls out, “Yoonji?!”

“Oh, dear lord.” The two baboons are seen running around the premise, shouting and hollering, cupping their mouths with their hands to project their voices. Before Yoongi’s able to make a grand escape, Jimin on intuition darts his head over and a grin erupts on his face.

“Yoonji! There you are!”

Taehyung comes running over as well, nearly tripping on his feet. “Where did you go? It’s been hours since we’ve seen you. The park’s almost about to close! I wanted to ride the chair swing with you! ”

“Are you alright, Yoonji?” Jimin asks in panic, scanning the person in question from head to toe. “I thought something had happened! I was so worried! But I’m glad you’re okay and that you’re safe!”

Taehyung shakes his head, pushing up his lensless glasses. “I was about to go to the lost kids center.”

Yoongi clasps his hands around yours, standing up with you. He wears an impudent pout. “We’re both okay. Thanks for asking about Y/N’s condition. But I’m tired and I’m going to go home now with Y/N. Don’t follow us. Bye.”

Taehyung slumps his shoulders down sighing. Jimin nods with an ‘alright’. “Bye Yoonji!~ Oh, and you too, Y/N!”

Despite being tugged away with the chubby cat hugging against your body and Yoongi holding onto your cotton candy, your other hands holding each other’s, you turn around to Jimin.

“Bye!” And you leave with a skip in your step, ecstatic that sweet Jimin remembered you.

//

It’s practically unbearable. The tension in the tiny dorm room could be sliced with a knife, give someone whiplash if they tried to pry the door open. From the incident where Jimin barged in to before the two of you were interrupted at the amusement park, you’re not exactly sure what’s going on. Trying to wrap your mind around it and decipher the emotions swelling inside your chest gives you a massive headache.

All you know is that what you feel towards Yoongi is different from Taehyung and even from Jimin. It’s different and you’re not sure how.

But Yoongi tries to talk to you about it and you avoid each and every time, still too confused to know how to give him proper answers that he’ll be able to understand.

“Y/N.” You look up from your textbook, startled that he called you in such a serious tone. He’s staring at the screen of his phone, impassively until you realize the expression is actually full of horror. “Jimin wants to meet the twins.”

And there was the whole thing with Jimin that was still going on. The persistent boy had already been on two dates with Yoonji where you had followed them around with Taehyung. It wasn’t terrible on your part since Taehyung proved to be a great companion but it still broke your heart more and more to watch Jimin slip further and further away. Yoongi, on the other hand, saw the angel as no more than a huge annoyance, a fly that buzzed around his head and never left him alone.

“You know what?” Yoongi adjusts his wig and you wipe away the lipstick smeared on the corner of his lip. “We should just stage a funeral.”

“What?”

“If we staged my ‘brother’s’ funeral then we won’t have to do this anymore.” He makes air quotations around the word brother and watches as you smooth out the fabric of his chiffon floral patterned skirt. Yoongi looks especially pretty today, ruffled blouse tucked into the skirt and black kitten heel shoes with white high-knee socks. You pale in comparison with a simple ponytail and striped romper.

“No one’s going to die.” You stand on the tips of your toes, fixing his fringe. “Let’s not lie more than we have to.”

Yoongi sighs, “I don’t want to do this anymore, Y/N.”

You’ve never really understood why your best friend was never fond of the other man. “Isn’t Jimin nice though? He’s so kind and sweet, always thinking about others. He helps anyone regardless of who they are or what they look like. He’s so compassionate and considerate. You know one time when I first got here-”

His thumb and forefinger goes to flick you on the forehead and you let out an ‘ow’, rubbing at the wound. “You’re rambling and going all dreamy-eyed again.” Yoongi steps back. “How do I look?”

“Pretty.” You retort with a small pout. “I wish I was as beautiful as you are.”

“You are.” And with that, the confident tone lingering in your ears and a swivel of his feet, Yoongi struts into the store. You’re left stunned for a mere second before you catch up.

“Yoonji!” Jimin stands up, doing the whole song and dance as he pulls out your best friend’s chair and then plops across from him. It’s only when you sit next to Yoongi does he look at you. “Oh and Y/N! You’re joining us today?”

You flush under his gaze. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“It’s okay! I’ve already ordered for the table.” Jimin tips his head towards Yoongi. “When’s your brother coming?”

“Soon.”

Jimin rambles on about his day, asking about Yoonji’s but your roommate only responds shortly and abruptly. As planned before, five minutes later, he suddenly stands up. “Gotta go to the bathroom.”

“Okay!” Jimin doesn’t notice the stuffed handbag that your best friend carries into the female washroom. When he turns to you, he’s melted into a sheepish mess. “Isn’t Yoonji great?”

You comprehend his sentiment perfectly. “I know.”

“The past few dates have been great…” He slowly sips his water through the straw, looking up at you with gleaming orbs. “Did she say anything about it? Anything at all?”

You can tell how nervous Jimin is asking you the question and you feel even more guilty knowing what your best friend really thought but a white lie is better than the brutal truth. You could never have it in you to directly hurt the poor class president angel. “She said it was great.”

“Really?!” Jimin sits straight up. “She really said that?”

You nod stiffly, ignoring how your face blushes from telling fibs. “She says you’re really nice. That you’re kind and sweet, always thinking about others.” Technically the lies aren’t lies anyways. “You help anyone regardless of who they are or what they look like. You’re compassionate and considerate. She remembers that one time you helped me after I had a bad day.”

Jimin frowns. “I don’t remember that.”

“You...don’t?” You swallow hard, feeling disappointment consume your entire body. It was the reason you had such a massive crush on Jimin, the time where he dropped a seed and your heart bloomed in flowers….for him. “I-I wasn’t used to school yet and we shared that class. Remember you asked me outside if I was okay since I looked sad and then you gave me that rose?”

“Right!” His eyes light up and you feel relieved that he can recall it. “They were handing out flowers near the nursing faculty because of a charity organization or something...I didn’t really know what to do with it and I didn’t want to throw away a perfectly good flower in the trash.”

“Oh.”

“Hey.” Yoongi appears in the form of Yoongi, black ripped pants and white shirt revealing the rather toned arm muscles. He takes the seat beside you. “What’s wrong?”

It’s nice to know you’re better than a trash can. He gave you the flower because you’re better than garbage. The gesture still counts...right?

“Nice to meet you!” Jimin abruptly stands up, shaking Yoongi’s hand. “I...I’m Yoonji’s friend.”

“Uh...sure.” Yoongi shakes the other’s hand before redirecting his attention to you. “Y/N?”

“Oh yeah, you two are dating?” The innocent boy looks between you and your best friend. Then, he frowns when he remembers Taehyung. “What about-”

“We’re dating.”

At Yoongi’s sudden declaration, you’re pulled away from your reverie. Goosebumps form on your skin, hair sticking out and your eyes double in size. “Uh…” Your mouth is agape unattractively and you close it a second too late. Yoongi acts like nothing’s happened and he sips on his drink, looking away nonchalantly like he didn’t just drop a massive bomb.

“That’s nice.” Jimin smiles widely. He seems a bit tense in front of the supposed brother and he turns around to the bathroom. “Yoonji’s been gone a while hasn’t she? Maybe you should check up on her, Y/N.”

You stare at Yoongi. And he sighs. “No. I’ll check up on her.”

Jimin stops him when he’s halfway up, in between standing and sitting, an awkward mid-level squat. “Wait. Are you allowed in the girl’s washroom.”

“It’s fine.” Yoongi scoffs, waving a dismissive hand. “We’ve been siblings for years.”

He disappears and switches back to Yoonji.

“What did I miss?”

“Where’s your brother?” Jimin frowns, turning around to the bathroom. “He was just here!”

“Oh. He had a stomach ache so he’s just in there.” Your roommate turns to you, pretty pink glossed lips reapplied in haste and the corners smudged onto skin. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You hum at the back of your throat. In Jimin’s eyes, you’re better than a trash can. That has to mean something! You’re better than garbage. You’re better than garbage. You’re better than garbage.

Why did Yoongi say you were dating him?

You’re better than trash. Jimin thinks you’re better than trash! Garbage. Garbage can.

There are two more switches. Your best friend transforms back into Yoongi, into Yoonji, into Yoongi and then into Yoonji once more. By the time an hour’s passed by, Jimin’s still smiling and happy, unsuspecting. He’s simply glad that he’s making relations between the brother and the person whom he pines after. You’re still trapped in a daydream, an overload of emotions making your brain into overdrive.

“Where did Yoongi go?”

“He left.” Your roommate is utterly exhausted, sweat built at the forehead, wig not even worn properly and the shirt is on backwards. He doesn’t even sit down anymore, lifting his leg to press his foot on the armrest of Jimin’s chair. The latter man jolts in surprise, trying his best not to let his eyes wander underneath the floral skirt. “Look Jimin. I don’t like you. You got that?”

“What?”

“You don’t get it? Let me repeat it again for you to hear. I. Don’t. Like. You.” He says in a staccato tongue. “Get it through your thick skull and please, for the love of god and all things good in this world, leave me alone. Do you understand? Me and you. We won’t work out.”

“B-but why?” Jimin sniffles, tears beginning to cloud in his eyes. He whispers in a weak and broken voice, “why?”

“I have eyes for someone else.” Yoongi puts down his leg, walking over to you and taking your hand. You finally snap out of it, looking up at him.

“Is it Taehyung?”

“No.”

“N-Namjoon?”

“No.”

“It’s Hoseok, isn’t it?”

“God no!” Yoongi makes you stand. “You don’t need to know. Y/N and I are leaving!”

“Wait! Jimin! I’m so sorry!” You’re being pulled out of the coffee shop, hauled onto the street by your best friend. The love of your life disappears, looking absolutely crushed and brokenhearted. It’s your chance to swoop in and steal his heart! But Yoongi won’t let you go. “Why were you so mean to him?! He was trying so hard! Yoongi!”

“And I’m trying hard.” He stops, the two of you standing in the middle of the sidewalk, the bustle of the rush hour crowds quiet in your ears. The silence the world dawns on you is deafening. “Look at me, Y/N. Really look at me.”

The way he says it is full of desperateness, calloused and strong hands curled around his shoulders. Yoongi is tired, hyperventilating and catching his breath. It occurs to you how fatigued he is from changing back and forth tens of times.

You meet his warm brown orbs, gazing deep into his irises. “What is it?”

“You’re not looking hard enough.” Yoongi lets you go after a defeated sigh. “All you see is Jimin.”

“I-”

Your best friend leaves you be, allowing you to stare at his backside. The opportunity is presented….to run back to Jimin and comfort him or to go forward with Yoongi.

You choose forward.

“I’m sorry.” You catch his hand, clutching it tightly in yours. You’re still unable to understand what Yoongi means. But he seems to have abandoned the subject, purely smiling at you.

“Let’s go home.”

//

It’s warm, so incredibly sweltering that you’re beginning to sweat. Every pant that leaves through your mouth, he stirs underneath you, the muscle in his thigh twitching. “C’mon, Y/N. Y-You...can...do it. Fuck.” He coos gently in between his own heaving breaths. His fingers lace in the mess of your hair, nudging you onwards. “Don’t stop.”

Once you’ve regained control of your breathing, a hum leaves the back of your throat, a low vibration that makes him hiss. Your mouth widens, careful for teeth not to scrape along the sensitive skin and you take in as much as you can. “Oh my god.” A moan he couldn’t hold back leaves his raspy voice and your own groins begin to pulse. “You’re...such a good girl.”

Your saliva is making a mess, drooling onto the floor in a pool and your pretty pink lips are wrapped around Yoongi’s cock. What you can’t reach, your hands are making up for, stroking vigorously with the strength you have left. “Fuck. You...look so good.” In between sucking, your tongue smooths up and down the length, twirling around the head. Your jaw is aching and your knees are bruised from kneeling but the pain is made up for the wetness staining your panties and hearing his melodic sounds.

Yoongi is trying his hardest not to make a sound but he fails. At first he made a simple peep or a gasp, a soft sigh but then it turned into groans, pants and unrestrained moans. It’s almost animalistic and primitive, making you become hot and heavy. His deep timbre curses and spits out crude remarks, voice croaking out the praises and the dirtiest things he’d like to do to you when you’re done. Between saying that he’ll throw you on the bed and make sure you won’t be able to walk straight tomorrow, he chokes and shivers. It feels powerful to have Min Yoongi, of all people, withering underneath your grasps. But he doesn’t take teasing all too well.

“I-I….” He holds you closer, one hand in your hair and controlling you from completely pushing forward and the other is clasped over your hand pumping him. “I’m going to cum, Y/N.”

With a large inhale through your nose, you push closer, swallowing hard and Yoongi gasps your name, muscle tensing under your hot tongue. “Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He shouts your name. “Y/N!”

And when you peel back your eyelids, you’re plunged into darkness, Yoongi above you and shaking your body. “Y/N! Are you okay?”

“W-what?”

You’re dripping in a pool of sweat, hot and bothered. Your panties are even damper than your hair is. The toasty covers feel suffocating and you’re relieved when Yoongi pulls them off of you.

“I think you were having a nightmare. You were gasping and twisting in your bed.”

He’s wrong. Yoongi has never been more wrong in his total life. It’s the opposite of a nightmare and as your dream sinks into you, your cheeks grow rosy and steam practically leaves your ears. You’re thankful it’s dark and he can’t see your face. It would take a million dollars and for you to lose all your embarrassment and shame to admit to Yoongi the truth.

For now, it eats up at you, making you ashamed.

How could your mind think of such a thing when he’s your best friend?!

“I-I guess so.”

Your roommate looks far too concerned that it makes guilt laugh mockingly. Yoongi even reaches up and dries your forehead with his hand, tucking loose strands behind your ear. He goes down onto his knees, studying your face in the moonwash and he cradles your cheek, thumb grazing the reddened skin. “Are you okay?”

“I-I’m okay.”

He nods and then walks off, slumping down onto his bed. Yoongi pulls the covers and tucks his legs in, lying down to face you. Then, with the empty spot next to him, he pats the mattress.

“Come here.”

It’s a soft command that leaves his mouth. You hesitate.

If you refuse Yoongi’s request, you know for a fact you’ll regret it. He’s genuinely worried for your well-being and declining the offer when you never would on a normal day, would make him feel like he did something wrong which would in turn only feed your guilt. Thus, you swallow hard before you take the rounded cat by your side. Your toes step onto the carpet and you make a leap onto his bed.

“Oof. Can’t you just get in like a normal person?!”

You giggle, the embarrassment of the wet dream beginning to fade away. It seemed so real and there’s still a mess in your undergarment, being next to Yoongi is dangerous for your heart as well. But you push it aside, blaming it on your outlandish subconscious. You’ve never been able to control your dreams anyways. It probably meant nothing.

You dreamt of a talking banana once. That meant nothing. So maybe this one didn’t mean anything either.

You curl around his body, head resting against his broad chest. The plush cat is in your arms, chin resting on its head. Yoongi adjusts the covers, covering the both of you. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For making you worried about me and for being distant lately.” All you’ve been doing was thinking about yourself. You’ve been overwhelmed with emotions, the pace of everything that’s been unravelling around you. And you never once stopped to think about Yoongi.

He was having a harder time than you are - catering to Jimin, making sure that you’re okay, helping his silly roommate who couldn’t do anything, all while trying to guard and protect his secret.

He hushes you, leg tangling with yours and arm draped over your waist. It’s comforting and calms your racing heart down. “Just go to sleep.”

//

The institution you attended was no doubt strange. Aside from the peculiar people it seemed to attract and the odd classes, like the mandatory athletic courses, they also liked to have special events.

Perhaps it’s a way of promoting the school to make it feel like one big inclusive community or make it seem like this was the paradise of every single student, an absolute dream compared to other universities. A weekend of every year, parents are invited down to view their children’s progress and the opportunities the wide campus had to offer, showing off the bang for the buck. It certainly felt like elementary all over again. But there was one...massive problem.

“My family’s coming.” Yoongi holds his head within his hands, slouching over in absolute agony. “I told them not to but they insisted.”

“Your family?” You mask your panic to ease him. “I’m sure it’ll be fine….”

Your own parents won’t be able to make it. They had called an hour earlier, telling you that the flight had been cancelled but you didn’t mind much. You really thought it was going to be just you and Yoongi this weekend, hanging out with each other and running around to the booths.

Now, you’ll have to be by yourself. You’ll survive. But it still makes you sad to see him run off without you. It makes you wonder what will happen when your best friend will leave you entirely  and if you’ll be able to cope if that day arrives. On the other hand, you’re quite curious on what his family is like and how Yoongi became the way he is.

“Hey!” He jogs up breathlessly, hands onto his knees. Before he can fully catch his breath, his mother and father are enveloping him in a tight hug. He laughs, “it’s good to see you too.”

You watch from a distance, wearing a slight smile before you disappear alone.

“Your older brother couldn’t make it. He’s busy with his girlfriend.” His mother exhales a long breath. “That rascal made a fool of himself and is trying to make it up to her. If I don’t get a daughter-in-law, I might go crazy in this house full of men!”

“He sends his regards.” Yoongi’s father smiles, calming his wife down. “I hope you’ve been doing well, boy. This is a very nice place.” He scans the architecture around, musing to himself aloud. “It’s modern. I was pretty skeptical when I saw the brochure. Isn’t this university newly built?”

“You’ve always been skeptical, honey.” His mother sighs before she perks up, looking around at the bustle with excitement. “Are we going to walk around the campus? Where’s your dormitory? I would love to meet your roommate and see what he’s like.”

“No. My roommate’s not feeling well, he recently broke up with his girlfriend.” Yoongi clears his throat, dragging them in the other direction. “And the campus is too crowded. Nothing to really see.”

“Oh. That’s a shame.” His mother keeps her smile and she asks the next question gently, almost like she’s coaxing an answer out of him. “Are you dating anyone?”

“No.” Yoongi sighs. “I’m not.”

Then suddenly, Kim Seokjin’s fucking voice pierces the air as he performs a rendition of ‘Unbreak My Heart’ on stage while doing the moonwalk. There’s a crowd of people gathered around him as usual. Yoongi’s parents turn around in mild curiosity. “We should see what's going on.”

Yoongi groans, trailing behind them. He faces down, avoiding people, muttering prayers under his breath not to run into someone who he may know. And as if the world is playing a joke on him, a frisby smacks him in the side of his head.

“Sorry!” Namjoon comes stumbling over, nearly tripping on his feet. He flails his limbs and his father and younger brother laugh hysterically.

“Come on Joon! Run faster, Joon!”

Yoongi muses that the Kim family will probably burn half of the booths and stands around before they’re done.

“Do I know you from somewhere?!” Namjoon shouts over the music, looking down at him. Yoongi shakes his head and hands back the frisby without a word. The former man blinks and then grins. “Okay!” He runs off once more.

Yoongi joins his parents who are swaying to Jin’s screaming performance. It’s horrific. The college boy is the manifestation of narcissistic, opening his arms wide while he’s on his knees, basking in the attention of the stage. His lungs and voice sound like a dying walrus.

He covers his ears. “We should go somewhere else!”

“This is a lot of fun! There’s so many festivities!” Yoongi’s mother shouts, walking down the path. Off to the side, Hoseok is seated on a stool, holding a microphone to his lips. He is passionately reading a poem, tears rolling down his face as he immerses himself, relatively unaware of his surroundings.

“Who are we that we cannot see?” Hoseok reads in a whisper and Yoongi’s father stops to listen. “Making sweet love to the poor, young divorcee. She screams like a banshee and vision….vision that plunges like the black sea. Darkness. The yellow shades spilled across her body, my very animalistic markings, the scent of pee. I count to three. Ughhh..” Hoseok moans into the microphone and Yoongi is utterly disgusted. Was he really reading a poem on sex and golden showers when this was a family event and there were young children around?!

“I come to realize that in this world I am but a mere flea. Who is the person I want to be?”

There’s a round of applause and his parents nod along, clapping with the others. Yoongi facepalms

Off to the side, Jungkook is seated at a booth, leaned back in his seat and his feet propped onto the table. He pretends not to care that his stand is completely deserted. But once in a while, when someone does approach, he leaps up with a smile. “Welcome. It’s not like I was waiting for someone and I don’t care that you’re here but now that you are, take a look at our sports club. We offer soccer and baseball and-”

Taehyung is on the other side with a modified robot in front of him. His hands are behind his back, black frames sparkling as his judging eyes dart around the crowd. Yoongi lowers his head, taking his parents away before the idiot genius can spot him.

“You know, I really would like to meet your roommate.” His mother pipes up. “You’ve told a lot of stories over the phone. Didn’t you say he was really strange?”

“I’d also like to see where you live.” His father hums. “There are rumours that the male dormitories are really...vile. And the people here are also very….peculiar.”

Yoongi laughs stiffly, hoping that time will pass by quicker.

//

You wonder if you should just head back to the dormitory on your own. It wasn’t like you had anyone or could go anywhere. It even felt lonelier wandering around in a crowd full of people, people who had loved ones and were smiling, in conversations between themselves. There was no place for you.

As you turn around, you come face to face with a mopey- “Jimin?”

It hurts your heart to see such a kind boy utterly lost and heartbroken. When his name is called, he slowly looks up. “Oh. Y/N. Have you seen Yoonji? I’m looking for her.”

“W-why?”

“I just...I need to ask her something.”

“Yoonji’s busy right now. She’s not around.” You frantically answer, occurring to you that it would be absolute mayhem if he ran into Yoongi and talked about Yoonji in front of his parents.

“Okay.” Jimin sighs exhaustingly, his limbs still being dragged with him. “Guess I’ll go away then…”

You spin around to where he’s walking off to. “Hey! We could totally go together…” But your voice softens and softens when you realize that Jimin’s nowhere to be seen.

He’s disappeared.

You push through the crowds, shouting his name, trying to find the blonde. People mutter under their breaths while you apologize, racing through and becoming lost without realizing. It’s when you’re about to give up, exhaling tiredly, does your eyes land on a particular someone.

Her hair is cut at the shoulders, ends curled inwards, the midnight black strands smooth and reflecting the sunlight. The profile of her face is sculpted but soft. Milky, clear skin and a gentle sloped nose that a plastic surgeon couldn’t even mimic. She has rounded cheeks with pink lips naturally pouted together, brows that furrow in concentration, long lashes that bat back and forth. She’s in a dress, one that you’ve never seen before, black and sleek, paired with a leather jacket.

“Yoonji?!”

Your feet halt on the ground, heels digging into the dirt and almost setting a trail of fire. You march over in three strides, catching the frail wrist within yours. Since when did he have such slim limbs...you remember him being distinctly stronger. “Yoongi? What are you doing here?! I thought-”

The woman stares up at you with an unimpressed yet impassive expression. Her brown orbs that don’t falter in focus makes you let go, stepping back. The aura of intimidation causes you to swallow hard. Then, her pupils flicker up and down the expanse of your body, judging you.

It’s as if she finds you cute, an innocent, completely harmless. Because then she smiles.

“You know Yoongi?”

It’s not Yoongi. It’s not Yoonji either.

It’s Yoongi’s youngest aunt - Yoonhee. The person who is practically Yoonji in the flesh.

[darkisucksanditwrites]

Privilege

for @steffelchen, aomomo 10. First time he/she felt jealous about a relationship he/she has

“The new guy is weird.”

Tetsu looked at Aomine, his neck twisted in a weird angle. There was a wrinkle between his brows and his thin lips were pressed together, forming a tight line.

And then Aomine realized he was probably pushing on him too hard.

“Oh. Sorry.” He said and let Tetsu sit up more comfortably on the floor. The other boy heaved a sigh of relief and after performing one last stretch stood up.

“You mean Kise-kun?” He asked and they moved to the other part of the gym to reach the benches.  Tetsu picked up a bottle of water and took a sip.

“Yeah.” Aomine said and looked around the gym. Finding Kise wasn’t a problem, not even in a crowd. He just stood out with his mop of blond hair, flashy personality and melodic laugh.

“He has his quirks as everyone.” Tetsu said with a shrug. Aomine scoffed.

“He’s a total masochist. Yesterday, he told me to play one on one with him ten times. And you know what happened?”

Tetsu simply blinked.

“He lost every time.”

“I see.”

“That’s your only reaction?!” Aomine felt annoyed at his friend’s indifference. Tetsu rolled his eyes.

“Wow Aomine-kun, that’s amazing Aomine-kun, you’re so great Aomine-kun.”

“Shut up.” He threw his towel at the shorter boy who simply dodged it and made Aomine angry even more.

“You’re a shit friend Tetsu.”

Kuroko hid his smile while he sipped on his water.

“Good morning!”

They both looked when a high voice cut through the air and Momoi walked into the gym, carrying a stack of papers.

Some of the bolder players replied to the greeting, and the shyer ones muttered, nodded or tried to hide from their manager.

Aomine through it was stupid, that some of the guys were harboring a secret crush on Satsuki of all people. It’s not like this was an all-boys school and not like she was the only female manager either.

The other two girls, Aomine forgot their names, could be pretty cute he supposed. Though compared to Satsu they were pretty plain.

Aomine scowled at his own thoughts and turned away from approaching Satsuki, after she put the stack of papers on the stage.

Aomine sat on the bench and pretended he was very much into tying his shoes.

“Dai-chan!”

“What do you want.” He grumbled but didn’t look up.

He glared at Momoi’s ankles and heard her sigh and shift, probably putting her hands on her hips.

He looked up at her and glared when she looked at him with accusation.

“Good morning to you too. You didn’t wait for me today.”

Aomine shrugged.

“I had something to do.”

She mock laughed and shook her head.

“You also didn’t yesterday after you finished.”

He simply shrugged.

“What do you want woman. Can’t you see were busy with practice?”

“I don’t see you being busy with practice. All I see, is you being busy with being a lazy a- “

“Momoi-san.” Tetsu spoke suddenly, probably having enough being ignored and they both jumped suddenly.

“Jesus Christ.” Aomine felt slightly embarrassed, because he was just talking with Tetsu and he suddenly forgot he was even there!

I’ll never get used to this.

“Tetsu-kun!” Momoi said in a high-pitched voice, but quickly recovered and served Tetsu her most brilliant smile while she did that thing when she pushed a bit of her hair behind her ear. She stopped wearing it in a ponytail and just left it loose suddenly and Aomine had a suspicion it had to do with their friendly ghost.

Aomine wanted to snort at all the guys from the team who were not so secretly in love with Satsuki. He kind of felt bad for them since none of them could compete with Kuroko.

They’d have to find him first.

“Momoi-san.” Kuroko acknowledged her in a flat voice. “Can we help you?”

“Huh? Oh yes!” Aomine rolled his eyes. “The coach asked me to prepare a menu for you. Here.” She gave Kuroko a piece of paper. “It’s personalized.” She added, sounding extremely proud of herself.

Tetsu read through it and then eyed the stack of papers on the stage.

“Did you write all of that yourself?”

“Oh! No, no. I only did the first string. Acchan and Micchan, helped me with the rest,”

“Still. That’s amazing.” Tetsu muttered to himself as he read his menu and completely missed the way Momoi blushed and clapped her hands over her cheeks.

“Hey guys! Hi Momocchi! What are you doing?”

“Ki-chan!” Satsuki turned to the approaching Kise who grinned back.

Aomine felt like if he was stabbed. Ki-chan?

“I’m distributing menus. Here’s yours.” She said and gave Kise his sheet of paper.

“Thank youuu.” He drawled but didn’t look at what she wrote.

“Momocchi!” He gasped and Satsu straightened suddenly.

“Y-yes?”

“You got that hairpin!”

Aomine blinked, confused.

Satsu’s eyes went wide and sparkly as she touched the silver piece of metal in her hair. Aomine completely missed it for some reason.

“I did! Thanks for the advice.”

“No problem. If you need any more tips I’m always here. I can finally use my experience with having two, older sisters.”

They both laughed. Aomine felt like if he was in a comedy skit.

“Actually, I have a question.” Satsu took out her smartphone from the pocket of her blazer and scrolled for a moment.

“Here. What do you think of this?” She showed Kise the screen.

Kise frowned and hummed for a moment, turning serious.

“It could work, but how about this?” He pressed something on the screen. “That’s a better one for you.” He said and looked at Momoi from top to bottom and nodded to himself.

“Yep. Definitely better.”

“Oh, I see.”

Aomine was shell shocked. If he did something like this, she’d probably threw the phone at his head.

“Ki-chan, listen.” She said and and again Aomine felt as if he was hit over the head. He scowled. “Do you have time to go shopping with me on Saturday?”

“This Saturday? It could be difficult. I have a session. Is next one okay?”

“Sure! I can’t wait.”

“Great, me t- “

“Okay, ladies.” Aomine said and stood up suddenly between them.  “You can continue this girl talk after practice, and after I kick your ass again.” He said pointed a finger at Kise.

“Huh? I thought you said you didn’t want to anymore after yesterday, because it was boring.”

“Well, I changed my mind.”

Kise’s eyes sparkled with a dangerous gleam.

“Bring it.” He said with a smirk.

He’s a psycho.

Aomine humped and then felt something hit him in the back.

“Ow!”

“Who died and made you coach?” Momoi took the stack of papers away. “That was very rude.”

Aomine shrugged.

“You’re interrupting practice. Right Tet- where did he go?“

“Uh, I think there?” Kise said and pointed under the hoop where Kuroko was unsuccessfully practicing three pointers.

“Tetsu-kun is so diligent and polite, you could learn from him.” Satsu said and grabbed Kise’s arm. “Come on Ki-chan. You’ll help me give these out.” She pulled him away.

“See you later Aomine-kun.” She said and stuck out her tongue at him.

Aomine almost yelled after her calling her ugly or stupid, but she wasn’t listening to him anymore, so there was no point.

He kicked the bench and some of the other first stringers sent him a weird look, including Kuroko.

He grabbed a ball and started dribbling. He’s going to take it out later on Kise.

Ki-chan. He thought with annoyance. Was this some kind of joke? He scowled and run up to the hoop to perform a dunk.

He was the only chan here okay?

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss”

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

[moreracquetball]

Youtuber AU Headcanons

(Lowkey inspired by a post by @whizzerbrowne who brought the idea to my attention and it has since dominated my brain). Let’s just get started:

(This got way too long, yikes. I had to include a read more line)

~ Three Youtubers: Jason, Cordelia, and Whizzer.

Jason

Type: He’s one of those younger, newer youtubers. He started when he was nine, and he talked frankly about stuff like divorce (bc his parents were going through a divorce at the time) and being an introvert and being autistic and being Jewish and dealing with a difficult relationship with his parents. He has trouble really talking to people so it was like really easy to just sit in front of a camera and start talking at them. Side note: this was totally Mendel’s idea as a therapy exercise that actually worked, okay? And (as we’ve seen in the musical), Jason has this raw honesty and wit to him that is very funny and real to watch. As he’s gotten older, he’s started talking about other things - like not such heavy topics. He talks about the things that he’s hyperfixated on (baseball, chess, the emoji movie, etc), and though his content is pretty erratic and all over the place, people just love his commentary and he’s amassed millions of followers in just a few years??

He also vlogs /a lot/, which is how his audience got to know Trina, Mendel, and Marvin.

Trina - Everyone literally adores her. She is v nervous and awkward in her cameos in Jason’s videos, but she is also very honest and vocal about her opinions and calls herself the Cool Mom even though Jason’s like “Mom, you don’t let me stay up past ten even when it’s not a school night” and Trina’s just “A Cool Mom can’t still care about your healthy and well-being??”

Mendel - As a one-off, Jason asked his followers to submit questions to Mendel the Psychiatrist for a collab idea with his stepdad, and his pieces of advice were kinda off the wall and funny and it quickly became a series and one of Jason’s most popular series ever. Some people are convinced Mendel is just playing a character so Jason has to be like “no he is actually like this. You have to believe me.” Also: Mendel gets a snapchat that everyone follows. He uploads grainy pictures of like trees and makes puns and constantly spams his story with pictures of Trina with captions like “look at how pretty she is” and “how did i get so lucky” and “rare photo of an actual goddess.” 

Marvin - Tbh, the audience’s reaction to Marvin is a little more mixed, esp at first. Jason had talked a lot about his difficult relationship with Marvin and his “Draw My Life” video did stir up some contempt for Marvin’s selfishness. But like, over the years and through small snippets of cameos, it is generally believed that Marvin has changed and grown up a lot and is like an amazing (but dorky) dad. His cameos in Jason’s videos are the best bc it shows how eerily alike those two are and at one point Marvin briefly talks about internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity and hints at the stuff that he is’t proud of, and everyone - no matter their outward opinion of him - has like a little crush on him. Also, the videos with Marvin and Mendel both?? Their petty arguing gets like millions of hits every time.

Jason also totally does all the trend/tag videos but also has like that sarcastic, almost ironic vibe at first but he ends up really sincerely liking it. 

Jason also does like monologues of his thoughts and opinions while also doing mini skits in between and he is iconic and a jack of all trades really.

He is very articulate and seems so mature but like any hate whatsoever does get to him a lot. He’s learned how to deal with his self-doubt and ignoring the trolls better than he had when he first started, but every once in awhile it still gets to him.

Also??? Remember that Roast Yourself Challenge trend??? Jason did that, and it was on the top page for like a solid week. He went too hard and too real.

Cordelia

Type: Totally like Hannah Hart’s Drunk Kitchen, are you even kidding me?? That it totally Cordelia. She drinks and talks about current events and makes really bad food puns and it is Everything. She also branches out after awhile and starts doing like satirical how-to videos. Lowkey once she tried to make a wry, parody version of a beauty vlogger how-to and she ended up having so much fun with it and her after make-up looked ballin, so she starts doing make-up tutorials, too.

She’s also very very proudly gay and out. Like, her username is literally lesbiancaterer. But she still gets like comments on her videos saying “are you straight?” or “her boyfriend must be a lucky guy” and it just makes her go “????? How could I ever make this clearer?” (once, in a collab with Marvin, one comment said “ahh, her and her bf are such #relationship goals” which then launched a very satirical, very deadpan boyfriend tag video with her and Marvin that made it abundantly clear just how fucking gay those two are).

Charotte first got introduced very very early in her videos bc once during a drunk kitchen, Cordelia cut her finger with a knife and called for her girlfriend and Charlotte went into complete Doctor Mode and started treating her immediately. Cordelia is a little tipsy at that point and starts blatantly flirting with her and calling her “my doctor” and that video’s comment section is just keysmashing and the phrase “my doctor.”

Cordelia does not try to hide her relationship in any way. She and Charlotte have done all those cute couples tags and Charlotte is the star of Cordelia’s social media and vlogs. Now they are #relationship goals.

Cordelia actually got into Youtube bc of Jason and everyone was like lowkey shocked when it turned out that these two popular but different youtubers knew each other and cameo in one another’s videos a lot and Cordelia is like “he is literally my godson, guys. Ofc I’m gonna be around him and support him.”

Whizzer

Type: Ohhh boy!! Whizzer is def the kind of youtuber that has been around on the platform since circa 2007 - are you even gonna try to fight me on that??? He is a fashion channel (also has like a series of the youtube version of fashion police) but also like a major storytime channel bc he’s been around and tells the craziest but realest stories of all time. He is also quickly considered The Gay Icon^tm of Youtube.

He is definitely one of the biggest youtubers on the platform but he also lowkey feels too old to still be on here and has that like Shane Dawson kinda feel of like keeping it real about youtube drama and rebranding himself and learning from stupid old videos when he was still like a shit 20-something that was lowkey problematic. 

He stans so hard for Britney Spears and Carly Rae Jepsen and he got Carly in one of his collabs and he could not stop smiling and fangirling and he is literally all of us.

He is very, very vocal and honest about his sexuality and sexual history. He has a lot of Body and Sex Positivity videos and speaks very bluntly about the importance of self-esteem and body image and safe sex.

(One of his most popular videos is the one with him candidly speaking about having HIV and he talks about his mistake with unsafe sex and all the terrible stigmas around the topic. He talks about how it’s both a physical and emotional struggle, and he also talks about treatment and awareness and prevention and seeking emotional help to combat depression).

He arranges a collab with Jason bc they are alike in that they always speak candidly about issues and struggles and have like the exact same sense of dry, almost scathing humor. Whizzer meets Marvin bc Marvin is like “Jason, there is no way you’re meeting a strange man who you met over the internet. I am definitely going to be the one that goes with you.”

(Awkward moment when Marvin and Jason get to Whizzer’s apartment, and Marvin and Whizzer’s profiles light up with one another from one of those websites like Grindr). Whizzer has like lowkey commented on Jason’s videos before with lewd comments about his hot dad, but like this is so not what Whizzer had been expecting?? Yeah, at the end of Whizzer and Jason’s collab video, Whizzer puts like a small blooper reel and it’s him continually flirting with Jason’s dad (who’s behind the camera) and the Internet suddenly has a new fave ship.

(Marvin and Whizzer totally messaged each other and hooked up like the next day).

But like, they keep the budding relationship very underwraps bc they both really don’t want it to affect Jason’s channel and neither really think at first that their whole arrangement will go anywhere close to serious because Whizzer has never been in love or had a steady boyfriend and Marvin cannot hold a relationship either even after his divorce.

But of course they fall in love, and of course the internet knows something’s up. Whizzer keeps vaguing on Twitter about the new man in his life with weird tweets like “I can’t believe I’m deliberately sleeping with a man who UNIRONICALLY knows every word to Allstar” and “get you a man who always sends that courtesy ‘thank you.’ text after you send him a dick pic.” And when Whizzer vlogs, he always makes sure to keep the camera trained on himself but you can see that his eyes are always looking away as he’s like smiling at someone who does not want to be on camera. Also, Jason’s weekend vlogs have cameos of Whizzer in them now.

They mess up when in one of aforementioned Jason’s vlogs, there’s a grainy clip of Marvin and Whizzer in the background and Marvin kisses Whizzer’s cheek. The internet loses their minds

(After nine/ten months of dating, Whizzer and Marvin abruptly break up and neither really acknowledges it. However, weeks after their break up, Whizzer decides to make a story-time video about this fucking asshole boyfriend that broke up with him over a chess game. He wanted it to be like both petty but also very funny because that is such a ridiculous story, but like when he’s editing it, he notices himself being like on the verge of tears in some parts and being overly bitter and tense, and he never uploads it and he realizes that he isn’t over Marvin like he had said he was).

(However, Whizzer does end up making a story-time video later about how Jason’s baseball game brought him and Marvin back together).

After they get back together, they’ve worked out their issues and are couples goals now and they do not hide their relationship and Marvin makes cameos in both Whizzer and Jason’s videos/younows and it is incredible.

Through Jason and Marvin, Whizzer and Cordelia meet and they become best friends. They collab all the time and they complain about queer struggles and they talk about their relationships and get drunk on camera and be weird, loud idiots and those videos get tons of views.

And Whizzer gets candid about how he’s always felt like alone in the world and hasn’t really had the opportunity to rely on anyone but himself but through Jason and Marvin, he meets Cordelia and Charlotte and Mendel and Trina, and even though they might not get along all the time and some people are closer to other people, they’re all his family and he never thought that he’d really have one that close before. It’s one of his most vulnerable videos.

The most successful videos on all three’s channels are the collabs of the three of them together: Jason and Cordelia and Whizzer. And they become like one of those Youtube cliques that collab all the time and tweet about each other’s videos constantly and always hang out with one another at all the events like Vidcon and Playlist Live. 

[paradox-oflife]

massive q and a post part 4 ignore this pls

1. Is the grass greener on the other side? It depends on perspective I guess. To me, not really. All of us are going through some stuff in the inside.

2. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it does it make a noise? uuuuuh yeah, i’d say so!

3. Why does it always rain on me? (idk how to respond to this)

4. Have you ever sailed a boat? One time. It was kinda scary ngl but my brother basically did most things for me.

5. Do you love or loathe Harry Potter? Love. Bro, 2nd grade me reading books under the covers. Catch me with some Percy Jackson or HP.

6. Do you do your utmost for the environment? Of course mate. Though one person won’t have much effect on global warming, you gotta respect your surroundings.

7. Do you love or loather Eurovison? I only watched it once. Reminds me a lot of the Voice. I don’t really watch that type of stuff though.

8. Have you ever wielded a sword? YEAH. I got a plastic one for a skit in school and god it was so much fun doing choreographed fights. I felt cool.

9. If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? Maybe something small. Nothing too big. Depends what I did to become famous too.

10. Whats your favourite type of fish? Why the Blobfish of course.

11. Which do you prefer pony tails or pig tails? Ponytails. I wear low ponytails like everyday because my hair makes my face irritated sometimes.

12. Whats the ultimate cake topping? Fruit. Enough said.

13. Do you like marzipan? It’s no bad.

14. Whats better? Center Parks or Butlins?  (I’m assuming this is another British thing for hotels)

15. If you were in a band, what instrument/role would you play? I actually was in a band during high school with my friends, except we barely performed. We just hung out in the garage playing songs we liked. I was the bassist, or sometimes when the keyboardist couldn’t make it I’d play piano. I wanted to try drums but i can’t move my limbs independently enough. I tried picking up the guitar but there’s too many strings lmao i can’t memorize enough chords

16. Can you erect a tent? Nope

17. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck it until I get bored, then i CRONCH it

18. Have you ever used a telephone book? (yeah im old enough to remember these things) I used it as fuel for a fireplace lol

19. If you have an mp3 player what size is it? I used to have one. It was smaller than my hand.

20. Do you still have any music on vinyl or casettes? No :( I don’t have a vinyl player but I have old casettes of Chinese Children songs lmao

21. Do you still have a camera that uses conventional film? My dad has one, but it’s out of batteries.

22. Approximately how many DVD's do you have? A lot. I have one of those books with DVD holders and they’re just movies like Shrek.

23. Approximately how many Albums do you have? Downloaded on my phone - a lot.

24. Do you talk to yourself? When I’m alone. I’ve done it before at school and I got crazy looks

25. Do you sing to yourself? ONLY when Im by myself. God forbid anyone hears me singing.

26. Do you know any identical twins? I know two pairs that’s my age, and a pair that’s 27 I believe.

27. Have you ever given blood? No, I really should as someone with blood type O+ but im a big WUSS when it comes to needles.

28. Could you ever be a medical guineapig? Nah. I need something that’s been tested. Because if they screw up, chances are they won’t know how to fix it.

29. Whats your favourite radio station? Classical music station for short drives because I don’t know like any of the “mainstream” stuff. But I just connect my phone to the car and listen to my own playlists.

30. Whats your favourite letter of the Alphabet?  X feels so exotic

31. Which is better? rollerblade or rollerskates? Rollerskates.

32. Have you ever written a love letter? No

33. How many valentines cards did you recieve this/last year? 5. They were all from my friends :)

34. What are cooler? Dinosaurs or Dragons? Dragons for SURE

35. Have you ever made your own ice lollipops? No

36. Have you ever made your own Ice cream? No

37. Which foreign language did you have to learn at school? and do you still remember enough to hold a conversation in that language? I did two years of Spanish in middle school, but for high school I went the easy path and took Chinese. Then again, most people who take Chinese already speak Chinese. I did it to jump to AP faster.

38. Do you know CPR? Only from the Office, but I’ve never had to do it before. I heard you have to keep pushing until the ribs break?? 

39. Do you have any swimming badges? Nah, I can swim but I sure am slow

40. Do you prefer digital or rotary/analogue clocks? I’m alright with either

41. How tall is the tallest person you know? 6′7″. Mate, I’m 5′1″, I literally have to tilt my head so high just to talk with him.

42. Have you ever got lost in a maze? omg yeah in New Zealand there’s this thing called a sensory maze. And at one point you go into this room where the seizure inducing lights are flashing on and off super quickly and it’s filled with mirrors. Me and my cousin were basically crawling on the floor because we kept crashing into mirrors.

43. Have you ever been attacked by a wild animal? No and I hope I never do

44. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. Don’t see a lot of camels in California

45. Whats your opinion on rats? They’re alright. As long as they’re not in my house

46. Have you ever been to a gym? Yeah.

47. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No, but it seems kind of fun

48. Have you ever cheated at a test? Okay, maybe a couple times but after 9th grade i STOPPED

49. Have you ever ridden a tractor? Yeah, I even wore a bandana.

50. Are you a gossip? No. I only spill tea around people I know who can keep secrets.

51. Have you ever cried at a film? Yeah. The last time was during Avengers Endgame when Black Widow sacrifices herself.

52. When you're ill do you struggle on regardless or just curl up in bed as much as possible? Well, coming from an Asian family, I developed that type of mentality where if it’s just a cold, then I keep going. If I have a fever, then I stay home.

53. Do you need to write down things to remember them? Most of the times

54. Do you keep a diary/journal? I’ve kept one since 6th grade. It’s so interesting to see how my mentality and thinking has changed over the years. From my lowest points to my highest, it’s so cool.

55. Are you scared of thunderstorms? Nah, unless there’s lightning close by. One time I was at Taiwan and there was lightning like right outside my house. Bro it’s the scariest thing ever. You see a flash of lightning next to the window and the house rattles with a BOOOOOM. Legit, it’s so loud

56. Do you have any unusual fears or phobias? I mean, needles are a pretty common fear so I guess not.

57. Whats your favourite disney movie? Lion King. The remake wasn’t that bad imo.

58. Have you ever slept in a caravan? Nope

59. Have you ever painted a house? I’ve painted inside one

60. Have you got green fingers? I mean, I’m alright with plants. 

61. Whats the tallest tree you've ever climbed? Not that tall because I slipped and fell one time and had the air knocked out of me. Thought I would die there lol

62. Have you ever dialed the talking clock? (another uk thing)

63. Do you always wear identical socks? I try to but hey, if I don’t care, then it’s a free for all

64. Do you live by any motto or philosophy? A couple actually. A lot of comes from the Bible, specifically the whole  Matthew 5-7 sermon on the mountain

65. Do you lick the yoghurt or desert lid? Yes, there’s so much on there.

66. Do you lick the spoon clean after making something sweet? Usually, unless it’s like raw or something

67. Do you like the sound of music? (the musical/film) I remember watching that on those old TVs during elementary school. I think it’s a pretty nice film!

68. Have you ever made your own orangejuice? Yeah

69. Have you ever sucked on a lemon? yes and i think i had a sweet lemon because it was honestly not sour

70. Have you ever licked a battery? no WTF

71. Are you a good aim with a rubber band? Ah, not really.

72. Have you ever played golf? Yee

73 .Whats the most unusual name you've ever come across? I met a Jezebel before. The name meaning itself isn’t bad, but that character in the Bible is associated with pretty bad things

74. Do you prefer to wash in the mornings or evenings? Evening showers>>>> you literally CANNOt change my mind

75. Have you ever danced in the rain? No. because I hate getting my shoes wet.

76. Do you like long or short hair? Long hair

77. Have you ever sworn at an authority figure? Nope. I’m a good kid

78. Have you ever walked into a wall? Yes. So embarrassing.

79. Whats your favourite precious metal? N/A

80. Whats your favourite precious stone? N/A

81. Could you ever hunt your own meal? No way. 

82. Have you ever read any comics? None of your standard American DC Comics, but yeah.

83. Where do you like to go to on a first date? Somewhere personal. Doesn’t matter where really. I mean personal like, a picnic on a grassy plain, or under a starry sky. Studio Ghibli vibes.

84. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal I guess

85. Have you ever baked your own bread? Yeah and it came out like pita chips lol

86. Can you believe I can't believe its not butter is in fact not actually butter? I don’t eat that much butter, but I guess it’s what it says in the title?

87. Can you name all 50 American states? Yes. Capitals though? Maybe 70%

88. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Ive had a beta fish and two guppies in second grade. 

89. What was your favourite school subject? Orchestra and Literature. A lot of people are surprised at my choice of lit. But I actually love reading and analyzing, though writing papers kind of suck. The problem for me when it comes to writing papers isn’t coming up with a topic, it’s wording it in MLA format. Like I could discuss with people all the time but its hard to organize my thoughts.

90. What was your least favourite school subject? Math. Which is a bit odd because I’m actually not too bad at it. But I’ve had the most mental breakdowns when it comes to math. Geez, AP Calc was a ride. I also cried in Chemistry once. 

91. Have you ever passed wind in an embarassing situation? Not that I can’t think of. And Im sure if I have, it would be engraved in my memories.

92. Have you ever played the bongos? Yeah. Pretty fun.

93. Have you ever handled a snake? Yeah it was a smol milk snake. He was a shy boy.

94. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself? OMG YEAH from Ikea it was such an experience. The satisfaction of sitting in a chair you built all by yourself is so satisfying.

95. When did you last go to the beach? Like... a while ago. A year ago maybe.

96.  When if ever did you last go to london? Haven’t been there, but totally would!

97. What do you do to cool down when its hot? Sit inside with a fan, or A/C

98. Whats the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Okay now don’t judge me on this one but i LOVE century eggs. It’s not too uncommon to find them in Taiwan.