#you can extrapolate nothing real from anything put out about them

[d-andilion]

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[officialnostradamus]

Why My Character Sucks

Hey @hedwigoprah, how does it feel to be a true trend setter? I love that everyone saw this and jumped on it so immediately, because you’re right! It’s so important to remember that people aren’t perfect and how their flaws make them whole. How can a character learn and grow if they’ve nothing to grow from?

I also love that there’s a theme among the Rooks, because there must be! Rook is, by nature, a character written with flaws its easy to extrapolate into OCs. 

Thank you @antivan-sprig for tagging me in this, I was so immediately down! 🧡

^^ TBH He’s perfect to me, but that doesn’t mean he’s actually perfect. Also included some lines from his fic that I feel encapsulate his many issues...

Vincent is an ouroboros of flaws. They feed into each other in a painful unending circuit, relentlessly making each other worse, but perhaps the hardest part about them is they could be manageable, if only he could see that for himself. If only he wasn’t so stuck on the question - how can I be too much and never enough?

Reckless

Vincent is a churning cauldron of movement. His thoughts are moving faster than he can catch up to him and he is moving even faster. Whatever he’s doing, it’s usually before he’s had the chance to think about it, then once he’s done it, he has to justify it. Courage is often considered a positive trait, but being brave enough to do something can also be terrible, if it’s a bad idea. Rook is, technically, lucky that things haven’t gone worse for him yet. That recklessness can also be a little violent. He's quick to solve a problem with his fists, or magic. He doesn't want to hurt people, but sometimes it's easier, faster, than talking it through.

That explained how, successful though it was, the sweeping blast of electricity from his hands went a little wild, sending him crashing into the alley wall.

All of that anger pooled in his gut, venomous, and though the fade flickered within his reach his fingers curled. A base instinct took over.

Rook’s vision narrowed, the throbbing at his temples crimson and he lunged uselessly after the space Solas had occupied.

Unserious

The best way to cover a mistake is to make a joke about it. In fact, the best way to soldier through any uncomfortable situation is to pretend it isn’t serious. Rook will make light of anything and sometimes that’s charming, sometimes it’s hurtful, even when he doesn’t intend it to be. He knows he should take it seriously when he’s puppeting the strings of fate, but it’s easier to push from one day to the next if it’s balanced on the edge of a joke. When he's acted recklessly, it's best to laugh about it. When he's put too much out there, it's time to make a joke. When he doesn't know what to say? Well...

“You know, this blight is really starting to make my blood boil.”

“Maybe it’s just that you’ve never seen my bones before. Next time I break one real good, I’ll let you look.”

“Oh, we’ll handle it, alright. It’s only right to lend a helping hand. Find this necromancer and hand them their ass. We-”

Insecure

This is what it all comes down to, isn’t it? Vincent is convinced he isn’t good enough, can’t be good enough. He’s reckless two-fold, because he thinks too fast, acts on impulse, and because he knows, deep down, that it doesn’t really matter if he puts himself in danger. Everyone has their thing, and his is to die trying. Everything is a joke to him because if he doesn’t take it seriously, it can’t really hurt him. If he makes himself the mockery first, no one else can. He grew up in a home that didn’t want him, with people who looked down on him, and he’s never broken out of that shell enough to learn that there can be different outcomes. Vincent is, in his own mind, disposable. He’s never realised how selfish and hurtful that can be to the people that do care about him. How cruel it is to look at someone who loves him and even think that they could so callously, easily throw him away.

He’d sit there, rapt and needy, and empty. You’re a taker, Rook.

How could she know that it was his own suffocating neediness that always brought things to an end?

It was a problem only for Rook, a warning sign. Cracks in the walls. Too much. So he did what he did best. 

He kept talking, filling the silence so Emmrich couldn’t finish that thought. He understood enough, he didn’t need to hear it.

**Gently, no pressure tagging @redheadsramblings, @edvervain, @dragonagegayz, @starfleetteddybear, @crowtoed, @crimsen-khalessi, @pseudospaceship, @dragonracer (unless you'd like to imagine I'm very forcefully tagging you, in which case, we can do that, too 😘)

[doctorweebmd]

Hello! First of all you are insanely talented and your writing lives for free in my head and has probs rewired my brain on some level. Like it's that good tasty soul destroying gut wrenching all encompassing art that physically hurts that it's just concepts and not something you can like squeeze to pieces in your arms, how is it possible to feel all these emotions, ouch in the very best way art (I hope this makes sense lol) Secondly, I wanted to ask what your process is for ideating longer stories from start to finish? Cause they're always so layered and impressive like how do you keep track of everything. How do you weave it all together like that. It's so satisfying to see as a reader but what's it like inside your mind, can you give us a little peek (as a treat)? Thank you for your service❤️

Oh anon you are too kind i could cry seriously seriously seriously it means a lot to me. like, i dont even have words. thank you for taking the time to send this and make me feel like a human being that exists and that those words matter, even a little!

I've actually been thinking about how to answer this question for a hot minute, so apologies for how long this ends up being...

Anyway, click below for an exclusive look at ~*~my twisted mind~*~

I joke, of course. (ish.)

Regarding writing my longer fics... over the years, they HAVE become much more clean and organized and I have tried to at least keep to a central theme, so here is my sincere answer...

Think Yes, AND. All writing is improv. To me.

You come up with an idea. Think about how that idea can work, or how it can be possible within canon. Then explain that idea. Then explain THAT idea. A very bare-bones outline can help with predicting length and help you arrange ideas to assist with telling the story you want to tell.

For example:

First, we start with an idea. The overarching idea that you want to explore in a story. For Zero-Sum it was 'what if when Deku left UA and never came back and Katsuki went a little crazy looking for him?' For tptp it was 'what if Akutagawa got abducted and Atsushi went to rescue him?'

From there, extrapolate, extrapolate, extrapolate!

For me, I make incredibly vague outlines. It helps get an idea of what I want to accomplish in between 'core' parts or scenes. And when I say vague i mean, like, vague. Just put ideas down. Quotes you like. Potential events. Nothing is set in stone. Like, this is a copy of one of the earlier iterations of TPTP -

This part is where worldbuilding and thus the story really starts to develop. The nice part about writing fanfic is you're working in a defined framework, so there's many jumping off points. A particularly fun one is trying to explain canon and filling the plot-holes that are so so ardently bothering you. Researching anything and everything behind the canon itself, how it relates to the real world, how you can make sense of it always spurs ideas.

ANYWAY here are some thoughts that have kept me writing when I want to rip all my hair out and throw myself into a bottomless pit because, well, the only thing worse than writing is not writing. and also the horrors.

1.) If you build it, they will come - wow, it definitely feels super discouraging when you're writing a long fic and no one seems to be reading it. But, remember, you are writing the story YOU want to write. Many readers don't read incomplete works. Others only comment on last chapters. Others are just silent but love it anyway. Long-fics require a lot of internal motivation and love but it is always always worth it!

2.) Kill your darlings - oftentimes, if you're stuck making a chapter/passage work and you just can't, its the passage's fault. a lot of the times just deleting it can help gain some clarity of mind.

2.5.) Save your darlings - When I delete things, I usually either add them to the end of the fic or a whole new document. This is relatively new advice that I've started following and its definitely helpful!

3.) trust the process - goddamn it. you can't force it. you really can't. sometimes you have to sleep on it. think about things in your car. reread it and want to rip your hair out. the solution will come to you. IT ALWAYS DOES. trust yourself. this is your story. sometimes you just need to give it time.

4.) I will not explain my art to the stupidest people alive - there are always always ALWAYS going to be people that misunderstand you. no matter what you write, draw, create, how you speak, how you present yourself, there is someone who will misinterpret and shit all over it and there's nothing you can do about it. and when its something as vulnerable as writing, it might be compelling to overexplain yourself. DONT. do not dumb yourself down to appeal to people who dont give a shit about your art anyway. its not worth the effort.

5.) better done than perfect - one of the reasons i now post on ao3 as i'm writing. if you're a perfectionist like me, no matter how many times you edit something, it will never ever ever EVER meet ideal standards. it won't ever sound like you didn't write it. the nice thing is, this is fanfiction. you can write whatever the fuck you want, be it with too many adverbs and run on sentences or whatever. it doesn't NEED to be pristine. it doesn't NEED to be clean. this ain't the new york times bestseller or a world-wide tv show waiting to be critiqued. you will lose nothing by not making it an ideal. what it DOES need to be is DONE.

...

thank you again and i am sorry and hello :)

[sarcophagid]

miscellaneous thoughts abt ithaqua's weibo post and trailer backstory

weibo post link | official wiki lore page

my translation (i'll be referencing this a few times, but it's pretty rough, and not significantly different from the official wiki translations, there's just a few semantic things i added from the original weibo post. i'll put the original chinese text besides whatever i'm referencing. lmk if there's anything i should change, my chinese is very very far from perfect 😭)

disclaimer: i doubt all of this is necessarily intentional, i just think it's fun to think abt. this is more of my personal interpretation 👍

Red, fire, life - are all connected symbols.

His heartbeat is described as being 'rekindled' specifically using a term (燃起) related to lighting fires.

His life with his mother is also likened to a bonfire in the blizzard (风雪中的篝火)

In this sense, ithaqua embracing the identity of an snow monster is also a departure from his identity while he was 'alive'. The night watch is cold, it's not alive. He also says 'no longer will living people come near you' (不会再有活人靠近你). 

Similarly, after the attack, he describes her humanity as having died. (母亲的人性死)

He uses these figurative terms of 'life and death' in his trailer too. he was born 'dead', and only upon meeting his mother was he 'alive'. 

In this sense, his mothers hair is red like fire, warmth, and life

Clerical cloaks are usually black, unless it's a special occasion. Nathaniel's cloak is also red. 

Occam's Razor says that red stands out more against the dark background, and in shots with just the two of them, makes the scene look more cohesive. 

But I have a problem, so symbolically, I think red in Nathaniel's context represents blood - both as a blood relative to Ithaqua and to indicate his violence and the violence of the society he represents. 

This is more tentative, but I think the concept of 'gods' is also related to this. When he 'regains his senses' (回过神) the character (神) used for 'senses/mind' is the same as the one used for 'god'. This is also the scene after he murders Nathaniel. However, this is also a very commonly used phrase with nothing to do with god (god, mind, spirit, are connected concepts linguistically; unrelated to this story) so it's likely mere coincidence, similar to the line about "becoming an adult/becoming human".

In this sense, red, blood, and violence are connected.

barbarism/civility

Leng is described as barbarous, but its practices have also been described as 'civility'. I think the first instance refers to the cultural lagging of Leng, being somewhat a figment of the past. 

This could be seen as a separation between two time periods - the civility that has these rules (the ones which hurt his family), and the older barbarism that does not. Ithaqua's "reverting to barbarism" could then be inferred to represent an even older time than the already old practices in the plateau. This is somewhat in line with his persona of an "old god", although fictitious.

Ithaqua, whether he shows it or not, has an understanding of politeness and etiquette. (heavy extrapolation but this is from the 5th anniversary video where he says "Do you believe someone who believes barbarism is better than civilization should be illiterate and lacking etiquette?") On this note, it's possible if not likely that his mother was well-educated. Regardless, I don't think he hates every aspect of society or humanity, but he also has a very limited understanding of it given the nature of the Plateau.

humanity/monstrosity

Monsters in this story aren't very literal* as much as they represent the unexplained and chaotic. 

*There were no real witches or demons, and Ithaqua is not literally an old god. He also rejects the existence of witches. (However, there are supernatural elements to the story, such as his mysterious survival and the wind power.)

A demon/monster/witch makes a concrete concept you can destroy to gain a sense of security. Leng is a hotbed of fear, not wrath. (perhaps hatred comes into the equation but it does not initially grow there.) It's isolated, has limited resources, harsh winters, and a constant sense of paranoia regarding survival. It wouldn't take a lot for the area to go out of balance, and this uncertainty drives the desire to have a tangible thing to blame because it's difficult to accept the idea that we have so little control over our fate. The Night Watch embodies the cold and alien that the people fear - but what scares him is familiar. A face that literally matches his own. 

Ithaqua spends nearly his entire life both mentally and physically separated from a nebulous 'other' civilization. I won't speculate on his personal philosophies regarding human nature and free will but he is terrified of the possibility that he, for all his differences, was not meaningfully different at birth from Nathaniel because they are both very human. This is all a story for another day though 😅

anyways thank you for reading! i haven't rlly checked enough for spelling and grammar stuff and it might be a little repetitive/rambly forgive me TOT but imma edit this later maybe

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

If the writing jam’s still going, could you do something with (any universe) JGY protecting Huaisang from creepy/pushy Wen Xu please? I’m a BIG xusang fan and I love how intimidating Wen Xu is when you write him ajshshdsf

Hoo hoo hoo! This is another one of those where it will probably need a future part two, because right now it's just Meng Yao getting Huaisang out of a real bad supposedly-d/s relationship. But you can bet Wen Xu's gonna be pissed when he gets home and finds out his little birdie has flown the cage.

---------------

Meng Yao can’t help frowning slightly at how little there is in the way of boxes and luggage waiting for him in the front hall when he gets to the high-rise apartment Nie Huaisang had been sharing with Wen Xu for the better part of two years. “That’s all you have?”

Nie Huaisang ducks his head and looks away uncomfortably. “It’s not everything of mine. I still have some clothing and furniture and art stuff up at Da-ge’s place.”

But nothing else in this apartment, Meng Yao extrapolates, looking around at all the furniture and other things getting left behind. “Did you pay for anything else here?” he presses.

“Uh, some of it, yeah. Most of the kitchen stuff, about half of the bedding-”

“Then we’re taking those too.”

Back before she’d decided to move in with Sisi, the second bedroom in the apartment he lived in had been his mother’s. 

Still is, on the occasions she comes to visit for a week or so. But considering she’d been the one to raise him in the scene, he thinks she’ll understand why loaning it out is a necessity right now.

They carefully put the not-stolen dishes and other cookware and appliances in his kitchen and start unpacking Nie Huaisang’s other things, and it’s as he watches the other man hanging up clothing in the closet that Meng Yao notices his hands are shaking again and he’s starting to go pale.

“Huaisang?”

A visible flinch.

“Hey,” he says, sweeping Nie Huaisang’s hair aside so he can gently rest a hand on the back of the other man’s neck. The motion stirs the chainmail collar Nie Huaisang wears, and earns another, more violent, flinch and an audible hiss through teeth.

Ah.

Not good.

Meng Yao presses his mouth into a thin line, then squashes the rising ire before it can become evident in the point of contact between them. After running through several possible ways to word the suggestion, he decides to just be direct. “Do you want to get that off?”

Nie Huaisang swallows hard. “I should, yeah…” he says, voice faint. His eyes start to grow wet and he sniffs in a failed attempt to make it stop. “I should-”

Meng Yao takes the jacket he’s holding out of his hands and tosses it onto the bed, then guides him into the kitchen and makes him sit on one of the barstools while he grabs a snow pear drink and the package of sesame paste-filled snack cakes he secretly keeps for his own bad days. “Here. You haven’t had anything since breakfast, have you?”

Nie Huaisang wipes his eyes with the wide sleeve of his sweater, then tentatively accepts the bottle and opens it. “Neither have you,” he points out quietly.

Which… he’s not wrong, but also Meng Yao’s not the one on the verge of an emotional breakdown. 

Still, Meng Yao is willing to concede the point if it will get Nie Huaisang to eat. “I think we need a break. I’ll order us dinner and we can either talk or finish unpacking after we eat, okay? Whichever one we do, the other one can wait until morning.”

“Okay.” Nie Huaisang takes a deep breath and lets it out, not looking much better, but at least like he’s not going to fall apart immediately. “Okay.”

Meng Yao opts for a place he knows delivers quickly and has a good variety of foods they won’t need dishes or utensils for, keeping an eye on Nie Huaisang while he places the order. By the time his phone pings that the delivery agent is down at the front door, only three of the snack cakes and half of the bottle are gone. 

He doesn’t like the idea of leaving Nie Huaisang alone in his current state, but his building isn’t the kind where he can just buzz the delivery agent up to his apartment. Swallowing back a sigh, he gives Nie Huaisang’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Nie Huaisang mumbles for the third time.

When he returns with dinner, the bottle is all the way empty, but no more of the cakes have been eaten.

It’s fine. As long as Nie Huaisang gets some more actual food in him, Meng Yao doesn’t really care about the particulars of what it is.

He gets another bottle of the snow pear drink for Nie Huaisang and some peach tea for himself, and they eat in silence, sitting side by side on the squashy old couch in the living room. He resolutely doesn’t let his relief show when Nie Huaisang eventually leans into him, resting his head on his shoulder as he nibbles on a pork and cabbage bun.

“How are you feeling?” Meng Yao asks him when the last bite of food is gone.

For a long time, Nie Huaisang doesn’t reply, staring at the empty containers. Then he huffs out a noise that is finally more frustration than heartbreak and raises his head. “I want this off.”

“Alright, then.” Meng Yao bins the garbage then goes and fetches his best wire cutters. 

“Hold your hair up for me,” he says when he returns, and Nie Huaisang bites his lip and does as told.

He knows from experience that it’s easier to snip through a few of the chainmail links than to try and break the lock itself, so he carefully, patiently does so, holding the collar at an angle that lets him rest his hand against the back of Nie Huaisang’s neck as reassurance.

Even so, Nie Huaisang is shaking again as the collar falls to the counter with a loud clatter.

“Huaisang?”

“I’m okay,” Nie Huaisang says in a tone that would fool absolutely no one, especially not with the way he reaches up and nervously presses his fingers against his now bare throat.

“Breathe, A-Sang.”

“I’m okay.”

Meng Yao frowns in thought, then goes to Huaisang’s new room and locates the small box his mother hadn’t taken with her. The choker he picks from the inexpensive pieces inside isn’t anywhere near scene-level craft, it’s just costume jewelry she’d worn to accessorize a witch’s outfit, made up of black-painted metal links with three little black cats dangling near the center.

Nie Huaisang blinks up at him in wary confusion when he offers it.

“It’s not a collar,” Meng Yao says. “The clasp is perfectly normal, so you can take it off whenever you please. If you want a proper collar later,” he adds, the implication light enough that they can both brush it off later if Nie Huaisang decides he doesn’t… or at least not one from Meng Yao, “We’ll discuss it then.”

After considering it for a second, Nie Huaisang sweeps his long hair out of the way again in a clear motion of permission, and Meng Yao moves behind him to draw the little black choker around his neck.

As soon as the clasp clicks, all the tension slowly melts out of Nie Huaisang’s body, causing him to sink back against Meng Yao’s stomach. 

He tilts his head back and, for the first time in weeks, he smiles, sleepy and almost actually relaxed, and Meng Yao finds he can’t help smiling back down at him as he rests his arms around the other man’s shoulders.

Whatever happens for them in the future, he decides, it will be all worth the effort.

[idkwhatimsaying]

I think there are two core reasons why Terfs are Terf-y. Two reasons most of them share and mixed together to create the foundation of their bigotry.

They are scared of men, and hate being women.

To be clear this doesn't excuse them at all. I know people who share these traits but aren't horrible assholes. But when you get a particularly fucked up evil person and add those two traits to them you might just get a terf.

It doesn't excuse it but it makes it make more sense.

Both of these reasons stem from the same few things. Terfs are usually a victim of the patriarchy in some severe way. Ranging from abuse or assault survivors to having doors shut in their face by misogyny. They build trauma, resentment and maybe even androphobia, but do not cope with it in any sort of healthy way.

They rationalize, unfortunately often accurately, that these things would not have happened to them if they were not a woman. What is not accurate is when they start extrapolate that logic to womanhood being synonymous with victimhood, and manhood being synonymous with abuserhood. They cope with this perceived Reality by wearing victimhood as a badge of honor, tying it to their identity, and trying to reclaim it. That would be fine if in their minds there is anything else to being a woman than being a victim. That and the physical differences, (many of which they view as inherently negative as well) are all they see women as including themselves.

So now we finally get to why trans people are involved in this, and so prevalent in their minds. Keep in mind that we are working from a mentality that all men are the enemy, and all women are victims.

All people want a safe space from something that scares them, but if half of the population is what scares you, what you're asking for there is segregation, and the only way segregation works is if you can put people into clear boxes so that you know who is who easily. It needs to be that at a glance you can tell who you are safe around and who's a threat. As soon as those lines are blurred suddenly nowhere is safe. Trans people blur those lines. The gender binary is essential Terfs, because in their minds, if every single woman might secretly be a man how can they ever be safe. It might not be so bad if they could accept trans women as women, but they can't because the mentality they're working from makes it seem impossible.

Why would an abuser ever choose to become a victim. It doesn't make sense and since it's the enemy doing it it must be for an ulterior motive. It must be a new way to abuse, infiltrate the safe spaces and attack. There's no other possible reason because no one would ever want to be a woman, because keep in mind that they hate being women.

They claim that trans women are erasing them because their only definition of Womanhood is being a victim, so in their heads trans women are/were men and thus cannot be victims and thus cannot be women. And in that logic trans women are pretending to be victims and thus erasing real victims.

But for their mentality to fill out trans men also have to be victims in their mind. They don't talk about them quite as much but that's where you get the poor confused lesbian idea from. You might see some terfs claim that trans men hate women and hate femininity, that's them projecting but there's even an element of victimhood in that, born as something you hate, forced to play a role you despise. You never see them say that kind of thing about trans women, men, and masculinity. In their minds trans men are either confused and tricked into being a man by the patriarchy, or themselves taken to the extreme, in some respects I wonder if they are actually jealous. Maybe part of them wonders why they are so attached their Womanhood, instead of just doing what they think trans men are doing and escaping from it.

Once again literally nothing in this post excuses terfs, but I also find myself wondering if it's ever worth arguing with them because they're not coming from a place of logic in any way, their entire mentality is built off of fear and self-loathing, irrational looping logic that can't really be shaken.

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Nothing else matters

I wanted to make it an hidden post like most of my Chris and Di posts but this one means to me.

Ok. What have they done to me ? I woke up and the first thought about Chris and Di just brought tears to my eyes again. Flipping heck !

I guess there is a part of my current emotional state for other things involved but also the reflexion of some things in my life, that were kinda represented last night.

Two months ago, I picked up their duo at a moment when my hyperfixations couldn't be satisfied by anything because there is a blackhole in the communication of The Witcher and TAD. And the world is crazy and I am angsty without anything to hold onto. So when I found that new fixation I grabbed it like it would save me from drowning. Suddenly every week I had something to watch that would bring a smile on my face. I knew from the start that it was for a short period of time but it was nice.

But as the weeks were going by, I realised that I found in them a quality that I found in several of my hyperfixations through time, that defines me also, and that is really beautifully phrased by Joey, as now my blog's title for two years : "my jokes are my armour".

I think it is very true for Chris and Dianne too.

Dianne is full of positive energy and is smashing through difficulties with a smile and Chris is a comedian who thrives in making people laugh. But they are both very sensitive persons. Dianne is more open to let her emotions go while Chris is shielding throwing jokes when it matters.

Being disabled makes everything harder, whatever you are doing, it requires more energy from you than for a non disabled person, especially when you are not used to the task. Chris hit walls at the beginning: he was out of shape for a part and he had to integrate so many new elements. They were joking at his grandpa demanures and grumpy nature. But this was ok. This was part of the learning curve. Any physical activity you pick up from scratch is a pain in the ass at the begining. Then he realised that he liked dancing and that he wasn't so bad at it. And he put the difficult part of the process down a little bit focusing in the laughs they could get and their duo's personality. And you kinda forget that this is still exhausting as hell for him. Until week 11.

Last week was the first time I was seeing him hitting physical walls again but like proper walls. He joked again but he said that he was in pain from week 1 and it didn't stop. But here the real issue in my opinion was more the amount of energy he had to find to continue to deliver was exceeding his reserves a bit too much. And he was very low, reserving himself to bring it for the show at his best. This week was worse with two dances to learn. They simplified the choreographies for a part but they pushed the limits anyway.

The charleston was the most disconnected danse they ever made and on the dancefloor this is like hardcore for him as he rely on his sense of touch for a lot. He had to be perfect in his timing for this to work. And then for the viennese waltz he worked so hard on his posture. The thing that every juge was coming at him over and over. But then there was the emotion and the meaning behind what they are doing.

Through the series of their danses, 80% of the time, Chris and Di were bringing a joyful side. There was cuteness, comedy, or simply good energy. And there were some others that were more meaningful. And tonight they brought that twice as hard.

The first dance was a testament to what they always did : bring joy and energy. They wanted us to smile. The song itself was an invitation to smile.

And the second one was what was behind the smiles, and the other messages they tried to convey. Except for the paso doble, I have never seen Chris so serious and focused on a dance. Dianne was a ball of emotions.

I can only extrapolate what the song meant to them from what they said, what I saw and my own feelings toward it. This was probably not the most perfect viennese waltz of the season, but it was the most meaningful to me. I couldn't see all the bits of what came after yet, I caught up some descriptions and pictures, and saw their exit camera and juge score reaction.

Chris was the most emotional I have ever seen him. He barely registered the 9s. And Dianne gave a beautiful speech.

That dance his her victory too. And maybe that was the reason she seemed to breath emotions all along.

When it started and people saw she was paired with Chris, people joked about how short her adventure would be. Reflecting both how the general opinion see disabled people like default loosers and doubted her capacity to adapt to the challenge ahead. And two weeks later people loved them so much that they saved them when they were about to fall over and over, proving the doubtful noisy voices that they can do it and that yes, people wanna see their journey on their telly, proving also that representation is needed and welcomed.

Bring your best, move people, bring them joy, whoever you are. And maybe that is the meaning of the song : nothing else matters.

I really don't know if they will make it to the final. From the show narration they are set up for an exit. And if Pete's popularity is way bigger than Chris and Dianne's one, the dance off can be fatal. They know already but I will have my answer tonight. I just wanted to write this down before the final results.

Another thought. Chris seems really exhausted, so maybe this is a good thing to step out now. I am sure he would push harder if they are in the final but he has to take care of himself too.

"Winning isn't everything" as they said at the beginning. And for me they won no matter what ❤️.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

the problem with writing OCs in certain fandoms is that if the OC needs to be competent and do something, i.e. be the chosen one or the leader of an organization, I get overwhelmed by the mere thought of being responsible and proactive and literally get so tired I need a nap. Not to mention I'm not clever and have no patience for politics and strategy that doesn't boil down to "Argue/threaten people to be nice and do the right thing or else". Yeah I'm that person who would write a terrible OC that just sits there and does nothing while people do the work for them. At least I'm self-aware hhhhhhhh

It's why hyper-competent OCs are kind of hit or miss for me. Too competent and I get annoyed. Too incompetent and I get annoyed. Hyper-competent, confident, capable OCs have never been characters I've gravitated toward or enjoyed for 'wish fulfillment'. Characters that are a hair's breadth from a serious and genuine mental breakdown (not in the ha ha ha way people would joke about it in the tags, but actually holy shit someone put out this fire, someone help them, someone genuinely actually help them please) and make mistakes and try their best to scramble to keep all the plates spinning are much more comforting. Their anxiety becomes my anxiety, and paradoxically it becomes enjoyable because it's a simulation of those negative feelings. An OC with tons of accomplishments just makes me feel like my real life sucks, lol, I just end up comparing myself to some fake deeds and adventures and end up going 'I wish I could be like that. But I'm not."

anyway this is just rambling, but somewhat also sort of kind of about my Lavellan and the difficulty in writing fanfiction for Dragon Age because there is little room for absolute losers because if your OC is an absolute and actual-actual unlucky incompetent loser, then the plot can't progress. The Warden, the Champion, the Inquisitor *can't* be a loser. Everyone would be dead if they were, so it is difficult trying to toe the line between 'realistic stress and character flaws impeding this character's story" and "Okay realistically and by the logic of the game's universe, the law, the nature of things, and everyone around the OC, this character would have a Game Over screen by now."

Also not to mention that my brain is indeed built for knowledge of lore, but it's not built for constructing anything from that lore, at least if it's fictional. If it's real history I can make all the connections and extrapolations like nobody's business, but I guess because a video game, a book, a tv show, a movie, etc. has so much that is simply not known, it's too big of a fog of war for me to know where to start. No one wants a shitty superficial word vomit of half-baked ideas when there are people who just have more creativity to come up with entire family trees for their Inquisitors or Wardens and can fold in Game of Thrones' level of intrigue into made-up Fereldan - Orlesian politics and nobles. I don't have that dog in me, sad to say.

I know. Just write. Just write what you like to write about. But the thing I want to write about--the thing that would make me feel accomplished-- is the stuff I'm not good at writing and don't understand how to write because it's as foreign and unintuitive to me as Ancient Greek, and no matter how much I read I can't come up with anything. Just a blank. I blame the autism for this blind spot when it comes to my inability to spontaneously conjure up and plot out fake human motivations. I can't even write characters being rude or ignorant--not like I used to--because the thought of even including people like these in my stories is like adding your least favorite ingredient into your favorite stew. Yes it gives it a better flavor profile but you're still chopping up that onion and being miserable the whole time.

Again, rambling. Just rambling. I had six years--count 'em, six--to develop and write down a half-decent walkthrough of my Solavellan relationship and I didn't because I'm not quick when it comes to understanding my own OCs' motivations My OCs are basically the transfer student you get second week of school and it's only by May you realize "Oh we actually have something in common". My OCs are pretty much as much a mystery to me as they are to a reader. I have to spend just as much time trying to figure out who they are and what makes them tick as anyone on the street. I have to parse through things, and try to find a voice and find the tune and string it together with canon characters and events, and it's always extremely slow goings. .. sigh.

[fionnaskyborn]

see the thing about the idea of "you can't make shit up lest you stray from the core ideas of the work or the personalities of the characters as depicted in the source" is that, as always, everything in this world is about nuance, so making absolute statements like that is inane, pointless. i firmly believe that one can shake their head at the passing along of ideas that do not at all adhere to those conveyed by the original work or the original iteration of a character and the passing along of those byproducts, so to speak, that have strayed so far from the things that they describe or stand for or represent that, in the most extreme cases, they can be considered as entirely divorced from the source material while also recognizing the flaws of the original work and pointing out what could've been done better. and doing so isn't necessarily going "HURR DURR i am a writer greater than the greats who have created this deeply meaningful work themselves" (though there are probably people out there who are doing just that, but i could care less about all that) - rather, i believe it to be a show of love for the work. not trying to make it better or trying to act as if you or i or anyone other than the author could write a kojima game or whatever but rather just trying to make sense of things based on what you already know to be true - not too unlike navigating life. creating a derivative work is a pain in the ass as much as it is the most fun i've ever had with anything that has to do with, well, creation, because in your constant struggle to do every concept and every character justice, you're going to run into some walls, and those walls come in the form of deviations from the concepts the work or a character or a group of character stands for so absurd that while the story does end up holding itself together (somehow) even with them being present, those same deviations make certain character arcs look like a snapped straw. and that's a part of the source. but if the source contains deviations, and the act of extrapolation is the essence of deviation, then, oh, woe is me, what's a man to do?!

well, there's no easy way to say this, but, uh. if you have the freedom to extrapolate that comes with creating a derivative work. then, perhaps, maaaybe you should exploit that freedom. maybe extrapolation isn't a cardinal sin if it's done out of love and passion for both your work and the original work and if it's done carefully while having in mind the original motivations of the characters before those deviations started taking place, and the things they were trying to convey. maybe the decision to make the unit commander deeply grateful to the man who helped shape her into the person she is today while having the feeling that she won't ever be something as great as that guy gnaw away at her while also consciously ignoring the advice given to her by that same man to quit war because War Is Bad (as we all know) is a more natural progression for that character than "i may have loved you once... but you are nothing to me now. also i'm going to be really mean to you on certain occasions for no real reason and passively aggressively call you terrible things while also going 'ugh, men.' in general". maybe that one guy wouldn't be too happy about being lied to about the life of his son by his own girlfriend/partner/significant other/whatever. i'm not trying to put anyone down, and i never will, and i am writing all of this out of love for the stories that have been told to me, but also the fact that i am writing this at all is a very rare act of me being confident in my skills as a writer, as an artist, as a media analyst and enjoyer, and i am going to revel in the moment as much as i can, and i am not going to write a single word of apologia for writing this post. thank you, goodbye.

oh you guys are getting a rant and a half alright

[clamsjams]

If you’re chill with people in your ask box sharing theories /if not you can ignore this ^^/. My personal theory about Maximus is that he’s not secretly working for the federation or anything, the federation just needed him to either 1: cause unrest and distrust among the order group since he was one of the forming members of it 2: they needed to test a small experiment with him, 3 he could’ve also became a sleeper agent but I doubt it.

I don’t think the code attacks people who are with the federation, I think it attacks people because the federation needs them for something or to take them in private, making the code seem worse and more threatening to the residents just helps the cause since it takes the heat off the federation a little bit.

dude i’m chill with people in my ask box just to say hi or something pls pls pls talk to me i am normal i swear i am not foaming at the mouth i can talk to ppl

anyways yeah i absolutely agree with ur first thing, bc of how trumps death affected max and the way he’s been so so focused on finding answers, founding the ordo theoritas, and basically constantly trying to figure out the federation, there’s basically no way he would ever be a part of the federation willingly imo. unlike fit, who seemed to stay more neutral, which makes sense if he was planning on being a traitor for a different organization, and he had to have been planning that for a while, if not since the start, which makes his neutrality seem like a planned move.

however, max is extremely paranoid and gets tunnel vision when it comes to the federation, which makes it extremely easy to manipulate him if u know what ur doing. and look, i hate to have to take the ass camera seriously, especially bc the ass camera thing was like improv that they came up with on the spot, so if you’ll excuse me for being meta for a sec, there’s no way the people who put together the story could’ve planned for that or factored it into the lore. BUT hehe butt implanting some kind of monitoring device into someone does seem like a classic federation move, even though i think it’s main goal was to gather info, and the sowing of dissent was kind of a secondary bonus

and as for the code thing, that’s def an interesting point. i like the idea that the code is a red herring, something planted by the federation to serve its goals. and i think that would be interesting if the codes real goal is to give the players an enemy to unite against, to make them feel like theyre doing something and to take the heat off of the federation for a sec. bc most players seem to agree that between the feds and the code, the feds are the lower priority threat, the lesser of two evils. bc the feds don’t resort to violence as much as the code, and their agents can be reasoned with, in a way, even tho that reasoning and logic seems pretty warped to anyone with a functioning understanding of how emotions work. the code, on the other hand, just shows up, attacks, and leaves, there’s no way to talk to them or try to negotiate, bc you’ll just get killed if you try. so yeah def a possibility

but that’s the thing about the codes. when u theorize u go off of the info that u can gain from the source material, things that are explicitly stated, things that are implied, and things that u can extrapolate based on the data u have and logical thinking. the problem with codes is that they’ve given me basically nothing to work with. all i know is that they attack without mercy, they have some form of admin powers, allowing them to fly and summon mobs, they target the eggs for some reason, and the federation won’t admit they exist. that’s basically it. which means that all of my thoughts on them is just baseless speculation. when i theorize about them, it’s mostly just me speculating on a direction i think the code storyline could possibly go in and how it might affect the storyline, but i have nothing to back that up.

anyways that was basically a long winded way to say, i don’t fuckin know what’s going on with the codes at all but it’s a fun thing to think about and i think ur idea is def plausible and would have interesting implications

[telebisou]

Fight Club

I can see immediately why people had so much trouble understanding the point of this film after the 90s were done.

This is a very 20th century American story, about how "Generation X" boys would inevitably evolve into "incels", and how that would ultimately fail to create anything other than a thin mythology with which to justify and absolve them as perpetrators of violence.

It is a simple prescience, in the way of all speculative fictions, in which the author extrapolates from 'now' to envision a future based on extant reality. That "future" came and went, exactly according to its author's schedule. Its despair was proven accurate (and its author has since retired into contentment).

At the time, it was presented as a dark farce, but of course the entire basis for any but the most surreal farce has been obsoleted. "Something like this would never really happen", "no one would actually do this", "people aren't that silly" are incoherent premises! We all know it would, they would, they are, and beyond. In this way Fight Club is a final fading ember of farce. The darkness its joke was presented with has since become standard fare, so ubiquitous as to be invisible.

The difficulty of art was once Palahniuk's burden, but the outcome of simple reality is not his responsibility.

The story's psychological complexity speaks to a people that are mostly gone, now: 'the middle children of history' have surrendered to their masters and their cynicism has been redirected toward their younger siblings, so that they can keep their jobs. Blue Trump is a satisfying and adequate surrogate for Orange Trump.

When Chuck speaks clearly, the movie gives cinematic weight to the line, but it's gone ignored or misunderstood all these years:

We are men. Men is what we are. Put this in context: at the support group for people who have had their testicles removed. Line it up with what he has demanded be done to him if he betrays Project Mayhem…

Bad news, friend, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding. You're trespassing and I will have to call the police. The people you sought your validation from are going to demean you in every same way you have been demeaned before. Can you take it? Or are you weak? You can't be in the club if you won't let us abuse you for our amusement.

Tyler. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me. she is unable to escape her abuser. his power includes having her brought to him against her will, and to convince her to hold his hand while his violence erupts. our justification is that it is credit card companies he is attacking - but in the real world, do the credit card companies erase your debt? or does your abused girlfriend feel obligated to try again? in reality.

I always suspected that his fans drastically misinterpreting his work is part of the reason for Palahniuk's cheerful recusal from the business. I speculate that he is too mild a person to really grapple with white supremacy at that level. Many people his age, especially educated white people, are just unable to face it. Realizing that their existential crises stem from their own privilege within racist systems is too crippling to face, too guilty and with no apparent solution, especially as web-enabled moral absolutism increasingly defines our common perspective. What a different story Fight Club would have been if it was "I am Jack's Wrong Colored Skin", or if Raymond K Hessel, sobbing and pathetic, had been depicted as the average white boy viewer instead of a humorously nebbish asian person.

Beyond the ground level - did Chuck know how white a movie it was going to be? Did he reflect after on just how white all his works are? I've read three of his books, they have nothing to do with nonwhite reality. Watching the movie, I wonder if it is intentional, how jarringly out of place & shallow his black background characters look. As a wild guess, I don't think he was conscious of it; I don't know of any interviews or essays in which he examines the boundaries of his imaginal worlds that express an insight into the delineations of color in the society he criticizes. It's a useful filter to examine his work through.

[serpenteve]

I'm having the horrible realization that Aleksander never actually did any serious wooing of Alina in the books. It's all just Alina her self being horny attracted to him. But this is supposedly???? His grand scheme???? Of manipulation???? Implications! It seems like the girls in these books wasn't the only one slut shamed. I'm- ☠

Leigh wrote a man sexy and captivating and said "it's his fault, actually, that Alina got a crush on him. He shouldn't of.... uh.." Flips through papers. "Ah, had such pretty eyes."

Okay! 👀Yes, we are finally doing this!

I'm flipping through my copy of Shadow & Bone and noting down all the interactions between the Darkling and Alina which I've put in chronological order beneath the cut.

First of all, the Darkling and Alina are only alone together in about a handful of scenes. Most of the time, the are surrounded by other Grisha or Baghra or are in a public place. A lot of the Darkling's actions and words are clouded by Alina's own insecurities. She constantly voices how she feels like she's not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough and he takes it in stride and gently encourages and placates her. There are a few lies he does tell her (that the Black Heretic was his ancestor, that he wants to destroy the Fold, and he doesn't know what Baghra's power is, etc) but if we extrapolate the trajectory of her ill-fated romance arc, I think even book!Darkling would have told Alina about his real plans if she seemed like she'd accept them.

A lot of speculation has been made about the Darkling's seduction of Alina and honestly???? Aleksander literally just exists and Alina is thirsting for him because she's desperately looking for validation and re-assurance. I initially head-canoned his first kiss by the lake as being pure calculation and the kiss at the Winter Fete being 100% accidental (because Dark Lord Sasha played himself lmao) but on this re-read, I don't even know anymore. He already came close to almost kissing her after they have a tender moment, catches himself and then immediately leaves before he can catch feelings. Then when they share another tender moment at the lake, he kisses her and then is surprised by it and before he can really process it, Ivan comes by to cockblock.

Like, even Leigh (as much as she has shit on this ship) said at one point that the Darkling has strong feelings for Alina, even if he may not necessarily quantify them as love. So looking back, I don't read anything the Darkling did as manipulative seduction. He obviously lied about some stuff and wasn't transparent about his real plans for the Fold, but as a military commander who sees Alina as an opportunity for a coup, it makes sense that he'd play that a little close to the chest---especially when Alina has proved to be wary of his powers and has a very black-and-white sense of morality. If anything, this is less "the Darkling seduced Alina to manipulate her into being used!!11" and more "local dark lord tried to encourage his protege and accidentally caught feelings and it was a mASSIVE FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO HIS EVIL PLANS"

But you know who does slut-shame Alina a lot? Baghra. Seriously, Baghra makes Alina feel like shit for her crush on the Darkling numerous times. She has all these lines:

"You want to be [his pet]...Don’t bother lying to me. You’re like all the rest. I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dreaming of dancing with your dark prince?"

"Foolish girl." (After Alina shamefully admits the Darkling might come to her that night)

At one point Baghra creeps on Alina and the Darkling's interactions and even though literally nothing happens between them and when the Darkling leaves, Alina catches Baghra giving her a snooty look. ("For no reason at all, I blushed")

She is determined to shame Alina for her feelings and make her feel like a lovesick idiot for daring to crush on him and this is in addition to all the slut-shaming Mal does. The narrative revealing the Darkling is the bad guy all along while leaving Alina no compelling arc to discover this on her own feels very much like Leigh hitting us all with Baghra's stick, like "Foolish girls! You thought he cared about Alina just because he has a sexy jawline??? HAHA HE LIED YOU SLUTS"

Scenes with Alina and the Darkling in Book 1

Their first scene together is in the Grisha tent. Based on Alina's description of him, she already thinks he's hot as barely any other character in this godforsaken series gets so many descriptions of their grey/smoke/slate/quartz eyes as Aleksander does 😏

The next time they're together he saves her life. Alina is traumatized from seeing a man sliced in half and the Darkling instructs her to keep her eyes on him instead. She is disturbed that he killed the person about to murder her and this aversion seems incredibly contrived and arbitrary on behalf of the author. It's almost like she wants Alina to be vindicated and shamed for not trusting her initial bigotry against him or something 🤔The Darkling admits even he can make mistakes and then he touches the back of Alina's neck (with some secret Heartrender/Healer abilities?) and she falls asleep riding on his horse.

They spend the next few days traveling. Alina notes that the Darkling hasn't spoken to her (probably because he's focused on getting her to the Little Palace without any more assassination attempts) but Alina is a paranoid she's offended him somehow. Again, this is just Alina's insecurity painting a narrative that simply doesn't exist based on what actually happened so far.

They exchange a few words by the stream and Alina fishes for pity points by saying she's ugly and can't possibly be Grisha. Aleksander appears 100% done with her stupidity and says she doesn't understand but he's not in the mood to explain at the moment and walks off ☠️

Alina joins the Darkling and his men for a meal. She notes that the grouse they've killed is meager shared meal but that the Darkling doesn't want to put his men in danger by sending them out to hunt in the forest at night 😌He also sits on the floor to eat like they do and he doesn't take more than the regular portion than they do 😌. Sorry, how is this man the most ~evil~ wizard on the planet? He is obviously a good and fair commander and beloved by the Grisha.

Alina has been checking Aleksander out the entire time so when he catches her, he walks over to talk. He fishes around for information on what Alina has heard about him. He seems sad when Alina mentions she has heard that Darklings are born without souls, though not surprised. He then spins the story about the Black Heretic being his ancestor and how the Fold was a mistake and how every Darkling since then has tried to undo it and how Alina is "the first glimmer of hope" he's had in a long time.

Because Alina is still on that "Grisha are unnatural monsters" agenda, she asks him about the Cut and he explains it but she's still distrubed. He asks her if it would have been better if he used a sword and she replies: "I don't know". The Darkling gets offended and leaves. Alina tries to convince herself she can't have possibly hurt his feelings (because Darklings don't have souls or feelings?) and then feels paranoid that she's failed some secret test. Yeah, the test you failed is called "empathy", Alina 🙄

Two days later, they arrive at Os Alta. Aleksander roasts the Grand Palace as the ugliest effing building he's ever seen. He leaves immediately after dumping Alina at the Little Palace and Alina actually seethes that he isn't paying more attention to her? I understand that it's overwhelming to go to a brand new place, but Alina expecting him to constantly hold her hand and explain everything to her after she basically insulted him is a bit strange.

The next time Alina sees the Darkling, they are scheduled to appear before the King and Queen. The demonstration is a surprise for Alina and Aleksander's lack of transparency of what's expected of her means she's forced to rely on him and trust his instincts. This might be his underhanded way of getting Alina to see that she can trust him; that he will not make her look like a failure or humiliate her; that they are in this together and it will only work if she trusts him.

After the demonstration, Genya and the Darkling trash the monarchy for a bit (Alina is horrified) and then the Darkling orders Genya to get a black kefta for Alina, to which Alina infamously wants a blue one. The Darkling doesn't really put up much of a fight, merely wanting to know why. Alina decides he doesn't approve of her choosing blue and wonders to Genya if he's angry.

After Alina's first day, the Darkling calls her to his quarters to ask her how her day was. Alina is surprised that this is all he wanted to know because she was paranoid he was going to torture her??? She says: "Why shouldn't I be afraid of you?...You can cut people in half. I think it's fair to be a little intimidated." If the Darkling is offended or angry about this, he doesn't show it and merely indulges her. He notes that she has a habit of running her hand across a scar on her palm and asks her about it, tracing the scar himself. Alina gets distracted by his touch but manages to answer his questions: she got the scar at Keramzin, Mal is also an orphan, he is good at tracking. He shows her a secret passage back to her rooms to avoid the main hall.

Alina starts her training and at one point laments that the Darkling is rarely at the Little Palace and when he is, he never speaks to her or barely looks her way and she is convinced it's because she's a failure and can't summon light on her own. It could also be because, you know, he's the commander of the Second Army and is usually seen in talks with other military advisors and the fact that Alina kinda lowkey insulted him with her wariness about his powers???

The next time they are together, Alina interrupts him and Baghra arguing. He politely asks her how she is. Baghra antagonizes her. The Darkling defends her. They talk about amplifiers and because Baghra is being a snarky little shit about it, they take their conversation outside.

Aleksander complains about how annoying his mom is and then asks Alina what stories she's heard about Morozova's herd. At one point he laughs for the first time and Alina practically creams her pants at the sound. Alina expresses her concerns that she can't summon any light and the Darkling says he's not worried and it will happen when it happens and worse case scenario, it will happen once she has the stag. They have a quiet intimate moment, gazing softly into each other's eyes and then suddenly Aleksander realizes he's catching feelings and steps back suddenly like "GoodLuckWithYourLessonsOKayBYE". Baghra watches this interaction from her hut and gives Alina a slut-shaming look.

Alina eventually does learn to summon light on her own. Baghra gives her grief about how it's not enough. The Darkling shows up during one of these lessons and says as much. Alina says she's useless. The Darkling corrects her (“I don't think you're useless, Alina....No Grisha is powerful enough to face the Fold. Not even me”) and then he apologizes for letting her down ("I've asked you to trust me and I haven't delivered"). He wonders if his mother is right and he's crazy to hunt the stag. They have a nice bonding moment, Aleksander lies about Baghra's power, and then he asks if Alina would think him crazy for still wanting to find the stag. She asks why he cares what she thinks, he seems genuinely surprised himself that he cares. Then he kisses her. He seems not to have meant to kiss her because then Ivan shows up for his 5 o'clock shift of cockblocking and the Darkling immediately pretends like nothing happened and walks away with him. Like dude is acting like a fucking dork who's allergic to feelings at this point. I should note here that Alina practically has an orgasm from how giddy she is about this moment. She can barely think of anything else.

The next time they're together, it's at the Winter Fete. They do their demonstration and Alina accidentally reveals her insecurities about how he had kissed her and then disappeared. He responds, "Did you really think I was done with you?" and then they enjoy some steamy kisses and thigh grabbing in an empty room before a random round of Grisha show up for their 6 o'clock shift of cockblocking. Aleksander is annoyed at his own attraction to Alina. He asks if he can come to her that night but Alina doesn't get a chance to respond.

and then the Darklina romance arc falls off a giant cliff and dies a terrible death 😭😭😭

[rarepairnation]

alright now that i’ve constructed some sort of framework (also thank you to @bretwalda-lamnguin for backing up wikipedia re: barahir and the tale of aragorn and arwen) i can get to my real point which is that "though indeed thorongil had never himself vied with denethor nor held himself higher than the servant of his father" from appendix a is so milquetoast that it awakens suspicions inside of my mind. if it's enough of a prevailing narrative in minas tirith that it gets put down in the histories as such, it's not too out there to think that aragorn had some hand in his own portrayal in the situation. or at least whoever wrote annals of the kings and rulers was being paid to say nice things about the king. sure it definitely happens that someone hates someone else when they haven't actually done anything to them except exist. but i just think that if we read it as being from aragorn's perspective it's an infuriatingly neutral statement. it's 'many thought that thorongil had departed before his rival became his master' and you can't build a rivalry with only one rival. like that's just a guy you hate.

i think that later on there is evidence of aragorn still respecting denethor and understanding their relative positions and extrapolating the strength that denethor's power has risen to, after he left, enough to not want to cross him when he returns to gondor / before he finds out that he's dead. and the difference between a rivalry and just 'some guy who hates my guts' is respect and i don't think it's that easy to develop that in hindsight if all denethor was to aragorn was a guy who hated him. but like...that doesn't exactly help his case here.

i totally believe it's a lopsided type of thing because it's denethor who is meeting someone who is his equal and who is like him for the first time, and it just so happens that his father loves him and would advance him past just being his "servant" if he could and denethor fucking hates his guts for it. and aragorn is just kind of there like. well i didn't ask for this. but even if all aragorn ever did was argue back and never initiated anything it's not exactly like he was building bridges either. i think being gondor's top two captains, being the steward's right and left hands, makes it so there's no getting around them being rivals and it just really puts that statement in perspective. of course aragorn doesn't want it to seem like he was usurping power from the stewards or that he had any sort of part in gandalf's change-of-regime plot (not that it's portrayed like that in any history, i doubt!). so the easiest way to get around that is for thorongil to seem like an unwilling participant in a plot/messy family dynamic/political tangle that formed around him. even though there's some kernel of truth to that, there's some kernel of truth to most journalistic/historical slant and aragorn doesn't get to say oh i did nothing to him if he doesn't want me, tumblr user afaramir, to accuse him of making himself look better in the history books

canonically who wrote the appendices. who wrote appendix a. was it frodo. what is happening there.

[therealvinelle]

Carlisle and theology

So, there are a lot of thoughts in this fandom on Carlisle’s brand of faith, and Carlisle seeing vampirism as inherent sin, and it’s time for this Christian philosophy nerd to butt in, featuring all the quotes.

First of, let me do my usual disclaimer - the Carlisle of the books is not the Carlisle of the movies. Carlisle of the movies believes he’s damned, because while the movie does mostly quote the conversation from the books, they cut him off halfway through, completely changing the meaning. Book Carlisle is making an argument, and his conclusion is the opposite: vampires have souls.

"Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind." Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness. "You see, he thinks we've lost our souls." (New Moon, page 20)

Later in the same book when Edward believes he has died and gone to heaven, his first words are: “Carlisle was right.”

So, book Carlisle doesn’t believe they’re all damned. If he did, creating others would be to damn them. If he had doubts about their souls and decided to risk it anyway, his “I made vampires” angst would be about their souls. It’s not:

"(Choosing to turn others) is the one part I can never be sure of. I think, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide." (New Moon, page 21)

was it right to doom the others to this life.

He says nothing about their souls. His issue is the life they’re now living because of him: “was it right to turn others into bloodsucking demons, all of whom have a body count?”

Which is a very fair question, I’d be wondering that too. Edward, Emmett, Esme, and Rosalie are all murderers, they live in the constant pain of bloodlust, they must live in this very particular way or be nomads, and they’re not truly immortal, for sooner or later death will come in the brutal form of being torn apart and burned. Not to mention both Edward and Rosalie have very ambivalent feelings about what they became.

Carlisle wondering if turning them was the right call appears to have nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with the pragmatic reality of what it means to have created a vampire.

But if Carlisle doesn’t believe vampires are damned, what does he think then?

His backstory, admittedly told through Edward (who projects a lot onto Carlisle), is helpful.

His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again. (Twilight, page 160)

Carlisle had been raised to believe in witches and demons, eternal damnation for the wicked and the whole shebang. He wakes up a vampire and he knows what this means, he is now a senseless monster who kills people. 

Well, turns out this isn’t the case. He doesn’t have to kill people. More, he still has his faith in God, which by protestant doctrine is what you need to enter Heaven. (This right here is one big bone I have to pick with fanon Carlisle. People keep ascribing a very Catholic brand of theology onto him, as he believes existence is sin and one must do penance. He’s Anglican, and Anglicans adopted Protestant doctrine. Protestant salvation comes through faith.)

Now, if his existence doesn’t automatically lead to sin, and if he is still in command of himself, able to believe in God and be devout, who’s to say he’s damned?

The urge to kill people remains present, of course, but humans are tempted to sin too. All of God’s children are tempted. (And yes, he did arrive at the conclusion that vampires are among God’s children. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t believe they had souls.)

Edward specifies that Carlisle created his own philosophy. As in, he didn’t just say “I don’t have to kill people, neat. Being a monster is still horrible, though”, he sat down and went full Zarathustra.

This is where my love for theology comes in.

Christian thought is founded on the relationship between God and Man. How Man is saved, the definition of sin, absolution, all of it - it’s all built on the supposition that Man is human. Well, Carlisle just found out that there’s God, Man, and Vampire - and potentially (Carlisle at this early point in time would still think witches and such were real) others as well.

He also learned that the notion of monsters being bound to sin, or having made deals with Satan, are also wrong. He never met the guy, he has his conscience, and he lives as morally as ever.

This invalidates pretty much everything he ever learned, and Carlisle’s sitting there in the English woods realizing the same thing Nietzsche later would when science challenged religion: he has to figure out Christianity from scratch.

I think Carlisle came up with his very own doctrine.

Edward outright says so: his new philosophy was born. We see Carlisle engage in all sorts of behavior completely contrary to anything a devout 17th century priest would have been doing. He associates with heathens like Aro, Amun, or the Amazonians, allows his family to be non-believers, considers fallen women like the Denali to be wonderful people and respects them as equals, he performs abortions, he allows material luxuries under his roof, he marries a woman who committed suicide.

There’s also the fact that his was a time full of alternate interpretations of Scripture. I won’t get into this part of European history, suffice to say that with Martin Luther’s 97 theses, the Christian world exploded with different sects and branches. Anabaptism, Calvinism, Quakers, Lutherans, the list just keeps going. It wouldn’t have been a foreign concept to Carlisle to sit down and say “Alright, who is God and what does He want from us”

I keep seeing Carlisle written as a Christian parody who cries because once when he was having sex with Esme in the dark some light entered the room and he saw her ankle, and now he thinks they’re both going to hell. And if we’re talking about the movies then sure, that guy seems the type. Book Carlisle is not this, and there’s nothing in canon to indicate as much, quite the contrary. (Yes, Edward is angsty about souls, but that’s not what Carlisle believes at all. It’s made clear over and over these two don’t agree on religion, so the argument that Edward somehow downloaded his religious angst from Carlisle defeats itself.)

It seems to me Carlisle came to the conclusion that sin is to take lives for pleasure, and that vampires are neither damned nor inherently sinful. This is the only action he appears to condemn, to view as sinful. Apart from that, he will kill to defend himself or others (the newborn battle and James), he’s pro-abortion, and he did not oppose Rosalie getting her revenge.

Apart from that I’m not going to extrapolate much, in part because that’d be hard to do when we don’t have a lot to go on and I’m not actually a theologician, and in part because this post is very long now. Feel free to ask if someone wants me putting on my philosophy hat and pretending I’m a vampire with a religious crisis.

(I will say this though: the notion of vampires being inherently sinful is just Original Sin in a hat. If Carlisle believes in it, then he also believes in Original Sin for humans, vice versa if he doesn’t. Doesn’t seem to be the case, but if it is then the vampirism by itself still isn’t any more damned than humanity.)

[trekkie-in-space]

Straight Fact about Marsella/Marseille from La Casa de Papel and some following Headcanon/Theories ✨✨

- Fact -

- Very discreet, he observes a lot and talk a little, called at a least at two reprises a mute (by Bogotà and Denver)

- Close to animals, especially dogs, love them, respect them, trust them more than human. He is against animal suffering.

- Ex-Soldier, has been called an assassin (by Bogotà) and Hitman (by Denver), killed human, killing a human is not a problem (straight up threatened Denver to cut him in half)

- Lost all his friends during war

- Had a dog during war, the dog was very loyal to him, stayed when human left (That dog was probably not Pamuk)

- Had a dog, Pamuk, very loyal/close to him too, got killed by children playing war

- Know many languages : Spanish, French, Italian, German, English, Croatian, Serbian

- React very quickly to Denver grabbing his arm/to physical provocation was trained to react that way + probably has a sharp instinct, not shy to threaten physically and orally someone

- Answer quickly to the professor order, see him as the chief/boss and obey him. One word from him is enough, do not discuss order.

- Extremely lucky - dude crash a car and get out pretty much without a scratch - I BEG YOUR PARDON ? - the car rolled and all, what if it had deformed to the point he couldn't get out ? What if he had broken a bone in the shock and couldn't dash out ? Because you can protect yourself all you want, getting in a crash, even one you plan, is very dangerous. Dude was like 'I have things to do and nothing will prevent me from doing them' and just walked out like nothing happened. Wtf man ?

- Has a lot of respect for the professor and to his plan. Will defend the plan when the professor wants to take risk but still follow change in plans if the risk is less than the gain (When they fight after Lisbon 'death' and then go into the crowd disguised.).

- Try to provide emotional support to the professor, he is clumsy about it but do his best and tries a lot of things

- Caring toward the professor, with (and I'm sorry but I don't know how to say it differently, but..) A certain tenderness. Like anybody in the group (or most) they are not just colleagues. But there is just a softness with him.

- React to Palermo 'Boum Boum Ciao' the same way the professor does. Seem annoyed, middly ashamed but also taken by the energy around (to crack a smile like the professor).

- Can be very intimidating if choose to, but in relaxed situation seem very kind/soft and not unbearing or obnoxious/showing.

- Extrapolations on Canon, Theories and Headcanons -

- The last hit he gave the professor when they were fighting is not because he misread the situation but because the professor just said Lisbon could betray them (which is technically true) and his hit was his way to say, 'have some faith/respect in your wife'

- During that fight he intentionally took hit from the professor to allow him to unload stress/give him a win. Why ? Because he is a trained ex-soldier who clearly shows good physical abilities, he knows how to fight and could probably take on Sergio even if he know how to fight too. Prior to this we see two scenes. One in a relaxed sitting (the soccer match) where Helsinki give him a slap and he doesn't react badly, he takes the hit and laugh, they were in front of each other he could have potentially avoid the hit, but did not hold grudges for that hit, basically taking a hit or two is not much for him and won’t be enough for him to get angry/escalate a situation. BUT during the pig scene to remove a micro, he reacts badly to physical provocation by Denver after he had to defend his position not to touch the animal with the rest of the team. Even if just a few said something, the whole team was baffled by his decision/principle, it was a moment where he was 'alone against all' and he defended himself in a quick and efficient manner.

They are in a middle of a heist, they are allies and he clearly does not want to fight, he fights because Sergio wants to fight and he probably doesn't give his all but just enough not to get bullied and give Sergio a mean to keep unleashing on him. (Man I swear you're doing too much)

- Definitely have some trauma and problem concerning human and trust. In two separate points, he has lost a lot or enough, and he had been deeply hurt by that (his friends all dead, his animals), probably have some unhealed emotional scars or one that heal badly and one way to cope is to keep a bit of distance + he seems to have a certain discipline/restrain in general.

Second, he mistrust humans, he is careful around them. Probably (definitely) has seen a large panel of the worst humanity has to offer. Probably don't trust easily but love when someone proves him they are worth trusting - which I think is what happened with the professor. Otherwise probably work alone or keep some distance.

- Jumping on that. He completely agreed to the professor as the boss, and his boss. Coming from a military background, he is used to having someone above him giving order and he answer promptly to the professor order or demand without questioning it/arguing (except when it touch to something the professor explicitly stated they should not do like improvisation, then he will argue). Overall he trusts him, might even admire him or have a deep respect for him and his plan/what de does/his personality.

-> I also believe his personality is one of a 'shadow' by that I mean he is his best as close support to someone/something acting behind for the good of the plan (which he does in the series), but I think he thrives in that role. He is a real doer. Dude will do anything that need to be done. like, he is perfect for a second, with someone above him to direct the action.

- Always had a good relationship to animals, now it had become a coping mechanism and a way to have companionship without the burden of 'human' nature. Not that he doesn't miss more close relationship to humans. Nor is it not painful when he loses someone or an animal close to him. it's just he find solace in animals compagny.

- Very soft, kind, caring inside. He let that out for the people he care about/trust. We see him mostly with the professor and above it being his role to care for the professor and all the 'beside' matter and needs. There are a lot of moments where he is very attentive to the professor or caring in ways that go above a professional setting (I'm sorry but when in the latest season when he put the cover back on Sergio as he sleep.. Such tenderness I swear ! or the way he tries to offer him emotional comfort/help)

-> Also the way he care for Sofia..

- Give off asexual vibe, sorry not sorry but it's true. That man is ace.

- Why is he on the heist ? I think outside of money and personal material gain he might be in for revenge against the system. He was a soldier, an executor in the government hands, he may want to fuck the system, give shit to a system that has used him, that took a lot from him. Maybe he was betrayed by that government and the people in it, root for his mistrust of human or just added enough to a preexisting base.

- The way he reacts physically and violently to Denver grabbing him when he turn away is very telling. He has a strong instinct and sharp reflex. But also definitely found himself in a situation where this would have been a life of death situation or overall high danger. This is absolutely pure speculation but outside of his work as a soldier and now hitman this reaction could be rooted deeper in child abuse and trauma, which could also reflect to his discreet and unshowing personality, he keeps to himself.

Anyway this looked like reflexes from training and from past traumatic experience. -> In a way his reaction seemed a bit too much (definitely) for the situation they were in, but also somewhat 'slow' (I'm interpreting too much the acting but whatever) as if he thought about reacting the way he did, nearly didn't but still did because he was pissed off from earlier and had been triggered. So he just decided to go with the outburst, and set his position straight.

-> Being grabbed from behind/prevented from leaving might also be from a fear/trigger to be trapped (the way he place himself behind in the class, close to the door (which could be nothing lol x) )). Which could also be tied to his time in military where his agency had been stripped from him completely/where he was lacking freedom and had to do things he didn't want to do.

- A big BIG softy, but also those hands have killed and will kill again. (in a way him and Helsinki are a bit alike)

- Keeps most of his emotions inside, tend to stay mostly neutral and what he show is just the tip of the iceberg, but don't be fooled, that man have a lot of emotions.

- Probably need a lot of time to open up, but do info dump at time when he think it might be relevant (ex: during the pig scene, or in the car with Sergio after Lisbon 'death') and you're like 'what ?' very likely need to be asked question if you want to know things about him.

- He likes honesty, but probably won't be himself, tend to be secretive, probably a good liar. He will be honest on a few important things otherwise...

- That man way of love his act of service x)

[anthemxix]

So... how far did Cia go exactly? I haven’t played hw but I’ve read several fics, and she’s always very... extreme.

hi anon! thank you for your ask!

by “extreme,” i’m thinking you mean stories where she’s a psycho who tortures link or forces unwanted sexual advances on him. which makes for fantastic angst! but that characterization of cia has never felt quite authentic to me.

in the game, she has a roomful of his portraits, like a shrine. that’s extreme. she technically starts a war because of him, which is very extreme, but i don’t think that’s about lusting after him, as people often joke. she says some off-putting stuff, and you could infer that she behaves in an inappropriately “seductive” way, but. she doesn’t really. do anything, like fics might imply. she’s creepy and lewd. i’m sure she makes him uncomfortable as hell. but as for what she does, the extremeness in fics is mostly fan extrapolation.

that’s my short answer! but i kinda got carried away while responding to this, and. um. wrote a lengthy character analysis of cia? XD i thought about not including it, but i spent so much time thinking about/writing this that i’ll go ahead and share.

in my opinion, hw does not present a clear picture of cia, and it skews fan interpretation of her.

(putting this under a cut because it got long 😅)

the story the game gives at the start is straightforward. there's a "guardian of time" (whatever that means) who watches over everything but never interferes. she admires the purity of the hero's spirit. she comes to love the heroes, then to want them. she's lonely. she doesn't want to just watch anymore. she wants to experience love.

gradually her desires become something darker. she doesn't only want the companionship, she wants to possess.

ganon sees this darkness in her heart and causes a split. the darkness separates from her, becomes its own person (a la dark link). the "good" part is lana, the "bad" part is cia.

for ganon, this is all part of a larger plan. in hw, his spirit is divided into four fragments that have been sealed away in different eras. he manipulates cia and gets her to open time gates so he can gather all the fragments together. a key fact: one of the fragments has been sealed away by the master sword, so ganon needs a hero to draw the sword.

cia willingly allows herself to be ganon's pawn because in so doing, in starting a war to force the hero to emerge, she thinks she'll get what she wants. throughout the story, she gives more and more of herself to ganon, fracturing her own spirit further and further, because she is so desperate to claim the hero for herself, to own him. lana repeatedly warns her to stop before she does irreparable damage to herself, but she doesn't listen, and ultimately she...well, dies, i guess. fades from existence. (that's how the original hw ending goes. they added stuff on later that changed this.)

ok, so. we have some interesting stuff going on here. arguably, cia is a tragic figure. a victim even. her underlying motivation is loneliness. viewing it through this lens, the story becomes an exploration of what isolation does to a person. how desperate it can make us. how we become willing to sacrifice anything for love--and i mean "love" broadly, not in a romantic sense. how it makes us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

let's also not forget the whole reason she focuses on the hero's spirit to begin with. after witnessing all the atrocities of history, she admires the purity and goodness and self-sacrifice of the hero. it has nothing to do with link being attractive. in her temple (the temple of souls), she has statues of different heroes from different eras, including wolf link and oot/mm link. she is certainly not lusting after an animal or a child, i assure you.

so why does she have frickin portraits of hw link, specifically, (not any other hero's spirit incarnations) plastered all over her walls, if not for lusty purposes? why does she dress so damn seductively? i'm not claiming lust isn't part of it, but i think there's more. she wants to feel surrounded by him, you know? she wants to feel like he's looking at her the same way that she looks at him--with desire. it's delusion.

and holy hell, she's nothing if not deluded. some examples of her actual in-game dialogue: "no matter what betrayals I may suffer, at least I know the hero will always love and protect me." and [to herself, as she's losing a fight] "the hero is still by my side... the hero is still by my side..."

and it's sad. she pretends that he loves her, that he will protect her, because she doesn't have any real love in her life. she doesn't have anyone.

and what's even sadder is that she's condemned to all these feelings and delusions because that's who she is. she is corruption and darkness personified! she's doomed to this lonely hell, to being ganon's servant, to self-destruction.

that's how tragedy, and tragic figures, are defined: hubris. characters that have an innate flaw that inevitably leads to their downfall. that's what a traditional tragedy is.

don't get me wrong here. i'm not saying she had no choice, or that she had to start a war. she can be tragic and we can sympathize with her while also accepting the fact that she's corrupted beyond redemption. morality isn't black-and-white. our understanding of characters, or of real people, isn't black-and-white.

...but. BUT. there is a major "but" here. the game sabotages its own character and its own story. the game opts for the path of least resistance. screw grey areas of morality, screw the tragedy of loneliness, screw exploring vulnerability and abuse and hubris... they sensationalize. cia is a joke.

have you seen her frickin outfit? her character design? she's an uber-sexualized caricature. all those portraits of link in her temple can easily be viewed as a joke, too. "lol, look at this crazy, horny bitch." hell, they even have her say innuendos about the master sword, like, “come show me what your sword can do” or something to that effect. 🙄

it's all very surface level. they don't go deep at all with cia. they give us no substance, only these little bread crumbs of information that i've laid out for you. and not only that, they set this up so that it feeds into old stereotypes. the salient details easily allow us to interpret cia, consciously or not, as an embodiment of feminine hysteria, a woman guided by irrational emotion and obsession, fixated on winning the ultimate prize of a man's love.

so koei tecmo's own confused presentation of this character muddles up fan interpretation and has us falling back on the familiar stereotypes we know and understand. that’s the basis for these depictions of cia as extreme. that’s what fans are extrapolating from when they try to imagine how she might act or what she might say. so in the end, she isn’t really depicted with accuracy. she’s like a caricature of a caricature at that point.

…or at least, that’s my opinion. 🥴