#you can blacklist those tags if angry people make you uncomfortable

[ultranos]

Hey nos, please could you start tagging your atla critical posts so I can blacklist them? You do post some good points occasionally, but the sheer bitterness is getting a bit much for me.

This is fascinating to me for a number of different reasons. The first of which is that I'm honestly kind of baffled by what it even means, because I don't...really engage with fandoms in "pure praise" mode. Ever. My brain doesn't work like that. I took too many media studies classes in university for my brain to work like that; there's always part of my brain engaging critically with every piece of media I interact with and I can't shut it off. And the longer I pick and prod at it, the longer I can engage with it and think critically about it, the more interested in the media I am.

This brings me to another reason this is fascinating to me, because I think if you're picking up on bitterness, Anon, it's not coming from where you think. I actually very much like AtLA. I like it in spite of, and some times because of, its flaws. I like the fact that I can see the bones of a great story, see the flaws where things could be better, where the things they got absolutely right still hold up all these years later.

Where the bitterness and frustration comes from is with some areas of fandom's tendency to sand down those edges and flaws instead of engaging with them or throwing them into high relief. To ignore the flaws and pretend they don't exist because it makes them uncomfortable and unhappy.

(Okay, maybe some bitterness is from how Actual Human Disaster Child Azula was treated for a long-ass time, I'll cop to that.)

I like the canon Morally Ambiguous But Trying to Be Better Uncle Iroh over Saint Iroh.

I like the canon Angry Ball of Rage and Actually Kind of a Jackass Zuko over Never Did Anything Wrong In His Life Sad Zuko.

And I'd fist-fight a god for Aang, actual child and actual genocide survivor.

I really, really like the show I watched. I don't like the show that exists in a lot of people's heads.

[darkweirdroad]

Blog Rules

This blog is mutuals-only for rp threads. Anyone can send asks; however, I may likewise choose not to answer any ask for any reason, especially from non-mutuals.

Don't guilt trip me into becoming mutuals with you or writing with you and don't force me to write anything I'm uncomfortable with. No means no.

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Don't force ships.

No in.cest or ped.oph.ilia plots.

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If you are not planning to send in a meme, especially if it's an easy out of character one? Please reblog it from the source, not me. It sucks to reblog a meme and get excited about a notification hoping someone sent it in only to see someone has reblogged it from me without sending anything.

Fandoms I won't rp with for personal reasons are Viv.zie.Pop ones (Haz.bin ho.tel and Hell.uva Boss), muses based on dre.am and other sm.ps, Harr.y Po.tter, and Sou.th Pa.rk, but I have no issue blacklisting character or fandom tags for those if you are a multi. I also don't feel comfortable rping with historical figures living or dead, or with real life people muses ("rpf"), and I won't rp with muses that are deities currently held sacred (Bud.dha, Je.sus Chr.ist, Abr.ahamic Go.d). Demons, angels, or mythological figures are OK and will be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Glad to tag any and all triggers upon request. I do my best to tag common ones.

I will not follow or will unfollow rp blogs that also post things that have absolutely nothing to do with rp and no way to filter them out. Nothing against you, but this is my rp dash, so I want to cultivate it as such.

If have a legitimate problem with me or someone I write with, my IMs and askbox are always open - but anything sent on anon with zero evidence whatsoever will merit a hard-block. I'm not here to entertain that and I know how nasty the rumor mill can get.

Related to the above, me hard-blocking means I don't want you to contact me in any way and I'll consider any attempts of circumventing a block to be harassment. I can be liberal with the block button and it doesn't necessarily mean I hate you — I'm just curating my space.

If I ever say or do anything to upset you or that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me! I want this to be a safe space for me and you. Sometimes I'm not the best at picking up on unspoken cues, especially online, and I would hate for someone to be upset and let that fester. I won't be angry when you set your boundaries or tell me what you need different, I promise.

Basically don't be a dick and you'll be fine.

I only share my discord information with mutuals. I'm fine rping there as well.

[dimancheetoile]

how ‘bout you don’t read then? yeah i’m not hiding your name, i don’t give a shit about protecting your identity because you’re trash who doesn’t understand the concept of clicking off a fic you don’t like. don’t comment your fucking stupid complaints if you don’t enjoy what i write, go find something that makes you happy and fuck off. the last thing i need in my life right now is someone crying that i don’t worship naruto enough in the comments of one of the fics i’m the most proud of. thanks for ruining my week, i hate you.

[i-want-my-iwtv]

That you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show! All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric, and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.

[Tha[nk] you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show!] 

You're welcome, Anon! *hugs* 💗 (I assume you meant “thank” 😅) 

This response got very lengthy, my apologies, I can’t edit it down further. Also, I’m using brackets for your message clips, and italics for things I’m quoting later on, I wanted them both indented.

[All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity...  and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

Yes, I’m seeing it pushed harder in both directions, as more pics, clips, articles, and trailers come out, the side that is super excited about it is going to intensify, and the side that wants to criticize it is going to do that, too, as they get more material to evaluate. There’s tons of criticism about fandom and canon, that’s the way some ppl happily engage, especially if they’re writers/artists themselves, by trying to unpack what the showrunners/writer’s goals are and how they seem to be achieving those goals (or not). 

If you need to take a break from fandom, you might want to do it. You can also block my #iwtv amc tag, bc I’m still going to be posting about it, but this way you can block seeing content about it from my blog, at least. I am sorry, though. I don’t think there’s any chance of ppl agreeing to use one unified tag so that others can blacklist it if they need to. I’m trying to navigate how much I want to engage, myself. Fandom is supposed to be a happy place, an escape from reality, not a battleground... but this is a historic moment in the fandom, so I’m documenting with as much capacity as I am able, and advocating for people to express themselves.

TL;DR: All this to say, I can understand where you’re coming from, that the changes to the story seem to disrespect the actual suffering Louis reported as a victim of abuse. Perhaps they’ll take that part out. It seems like they’d prefer to mold Louis into a better companion for this revised, softened Lestat. 

(Anon, I’m going to need to keep going with this response a bit more, I hope that’s alright with you. You can skip this from here if you’d prefer.)

The fandom seems to be on the brink of war over this show and some ppl have said that I have also spread “toxic positivity” myself, not about the show, but by running the fandom gift exchange last year, when the fighting was at a fever pitch, and my few statements basically saying: “Let’s try to be kind to each other.” I have friends on both sides, which makes things difficult, and I’ve chosen not to engage in those discussions. Maybe there are issues in the fandom, but no one has any obligation to enter a discussion with strangers on the internet. This is the case even if one of your friends has chosen to fight about it, but I have on rare occasions stepped in when it was needed to stop a fight from escalating. A person can ask for peace even when their friends, with their own agency, choose to engage in public discussion and even fights.

But because of those fights, I’ve stopped asking for peace. I’m instead trying to state the obvious that there’s enough room in fandom to criticize the show (as we would ANYTHING else), and be hopelessly in love with it, and everything in between. 

Hit the jump for more, cut for length.

---

I think some of the friction we’re having currently is that the new series uses all the familiar canon tags, and I’m seeing a growing trend that at least some of the fans who are excited about it want it to subsume previous adaptations and canon. Rolin Jones re: essentially hopeful that this will in fact replace the (much beloved) 1994 film: (Den of Geek, July 22, 2022)

What are you most excited about for this adaptation?

Most people have this image of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. In this, the emotional stakes are super high. It’s Love with a capital L and Hate with a capital H, Remorse and Regret, and mostly reverence and respect. I gotta say, I’m really mostly excited for everybody to see Sam and Jake. You will not be thinking about Tom and Brad, ever again. Of that, I am supremely confident. It’s a very big, grand show. AMC is taking all the right risks on this thing. They are putting something very aggressive out there. They put more money into this than they thought they would, and I don’t think that they’re upset about it. There’s a big, big thing coming.

So this reads like he definitely wants the AMC show to replace the ‘94 movie. Again, I think some fans are thrilled about that. RJ has big shoes to fill, and he knows the comparisons are already being made, so as a showrunner I think he’s probably obligated to address it and show confidence that his adaptation will overcome the previous ones, but it does come across as smug, to my mind. 

[while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric,]

I think you make a very good point here. More on that in a bit. 

[and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

I’m sorry you’re an abuse victim, and I can’t begin to understand how belittling it must feel be to see, essentially, an abusive character softened/defanged, “washed of his sins,” and therefore make the victim look like a liar. Jacob!Louis certainly looks terrified of Sam!Lestat in some of the promo stills, but is he afraid of Lestat as a vampire, as an abusive person, or is he frightened of being in love with Lestat despite those things? Or, and I hesitate to even call it out, is it none of those, but instead, “gay panic,” because this is the first male person that Jacob!Louis is attracted to romantically? “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have laid down with the devil” maybe he means it metaphorically? 😬 That’s another topic for discussion when we see the show. I hope they handle that respectfully. 

Rolin Jones seems to have made this Louis a more confident person, he’s not wallowing in depression when Lestat meets him. I think they’re taking out the abuse entirely, and skipping to the shipping.

Will the new adaptation be able to explore the fluid sexuality of the books? 

It’s aggressive subtext in the first book, but by the time you read books eight and nine, it was the love affair of the century. Without spoiling too much, subtext becomes text in our show.

Why is Louis’ situation changed from the book?

...I’ll say this, we’ve given Louis a little bit more of a spine.

Rolin Jones re: inserting later canon Lestat back into IWTV:

How does the contemporary setting affect the timeline?

One of the things AMC asked when they tasked me with the gig was: here and now, how does it change?... The timeline is not going to be wildly different. Lestat was born exactly when he was born. He might meet Louis a little bit later than in the books. We’d go into a big hole if we were to write the Lestat from book one because book two and onward is the “Brat Prince.” We wanted to quickly establish the Lestat that she settled on and put him back into the first book.

Canon Lestat of IWTV has only been a vampire for 10 years in 1791, and he’s been abandoned by his only 2 fledglings, one of which was his mortal lover Nicki, and the other was his own mortal mother. He’s barely 30 years old in mortal years. He’s already gone to ground to deal with these losses, and not much time passes before Marius scoops him up, makes him feel like he might finally fit in somewhere, and then Lestat’s fiasco with waking Akasha gets him kicked out of Marius’ life. AND he has his mortal father to take care of. 

But in AMC’s timeline, which I think starts in 1910, if we keep Lestat as being turned in 1780ish, then he’s 130 years older. Maybe he slept through all that time, and was frozen psychologically. 

So he comes to the New World fairly battered by all he experienced in his first 10 years as a vampire*, and in the novel, Louis has been inviting death so much that the state of his health seems to pressure Lestat into turning him sooner than he might have preferred.

*Of course, all this is a retcon because of TVL being written after IWTV, it’s up to the reader to decide what they want to accept as canon, and how. 

Either bc of Anne Rice setting Lestat up initially as an exciting, beautiful, but also horribly cruel antagonist in IWTV, or bc of Lestat’s backstory revealed later, (or both), the Lestat of IWTV era is cagey, secretive, abusive, and dismissive of Louis in many ways. He acts impulsively to create Claudia (as I always believe, to save Louis from the ultimate shame/guilt of giving into his own vampiric nature to kill an innocent child, which Louis might never have recovered from) to keep Louis with him. Would later canon Lestat have made that same choice? Knowing Armand’s suffering as an immortal teenager? 

Also, there seems to be a sort of flip flopping between this Lestat and the original. In the clips we’ve seen, he seems to be this almost kind and generous teacher that canon IWTV era Louis would have adored. Then in one scene, he tears a priest out of the confessional with Louis in the adjacent booth, to brutally murder the (innocent?) man in front of Louis, to terrify him? Into compliance? I’m confused about what the showrunners want here. Is Lestat the angelic wonderful person (debatable lol) that he tries to be as the Brat Prince in later canon? Hearing disputes and trying to resolve conflicts? Or is he the brash and frightened young vampire who was terrified of revealing too much about himself or showing weakness for fear that Louis would leave him, like Gabrielle did? Or hate him, like Nicki did? 

It looks like this Lestat is a confident, at ease, more generous, more compassionate (or trying to be) like later canon Lestat. We’ll see. 

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

To me, Proshippers are why I can't safely view tags of kid chars safely without blacklists on any website, not just twitter. I think there's a reason why Lolicons (pedophiles in the strict definition) associate with Proshippers

I think you're conflating wildly different demographics that sometimes overlap but are not equivalent. I mean, it makes sense right, of course lolicons would rather flock towards people who have a principle of ignoring what they hate instead of harassing others???? They just get blocked/ignored/etc that way.

Also from what you've sent to other people's inbox (assuming you're the one sending warnings about me to others) your issue isn't that I post such content, which I don't, but that I reblog posts "famous" "problematic" people have chimed in on about (people that I've never heard about, that roach person is news to me?? I didn't even reblog from them???). Even if I had said "I'm a proshipper", don't you think you're stretching the legitimacy of your mental association a little too far?

(The rest goes under the cut it got way too long. You've made me write that much so please do read all of it.)

One of my issues with your reasoning is that proshippers aren't all writing or drawing children at all. In fact, very few are, at least that I've seen float by? Claiming that a subset of a group is all of them is not honest, not to mention proshipping by itself, as I understand it, has little to do with being into anything taboo in the first place. It's just about staying in your own lane. Not everything proship is lolicon, there's plenty of other stuff and reducing it to that means you're talking about lolicons, not proshippers. Wrong cause for your woes, and uncomfortably reminiscent of those people claiming all gays are pedophiles. I'm queer so,, very uncomfortable assumption to make anon.

Reading your ask tho, I do getcha. Pixiv in particular has seared my eyeballs, I getcha and I've got my own additional things I cannot handle, which I will not be expanding upon because it's my own damn business and I don't want angry people sending it to me in my inbox. I assume you're the one who's been "warning" people against me, you may be polite now, but you have not shown that you are worthy of trust. Sorry anon but I cannot believe that you will be respectful to me and as such I have to take steps to protect myself instead of being completely open. Will be referred to as [REDACTED] if relevant.

So yes I understand being grossed out or shaken by content you think is disgusting, whether it's a trigger or just distaste, and you'll have to believe me on that.

At least we have our blacklist, so once it's set up, if our content moderation is working properly, we never have to think of it again. Maybe just to add some extra stuff sometimes. That's already pretty damn good? Coz that isn't a given, and it certainly wasn't a thing when I was a child. In the past I just went "oh uh oh yeah I'm losing my marbles about this time to get a hug from mom".

I'm sorry anon, we cannot control what others do, and attempting to do so is a fruitless endeavor because there's always more content we'll find off-putting in some kind of way. Even recently, as an adult, when I voluntarily look up adult content for myself by god I find things that make me mad, grossed me out, etc. Both "problematic" and purely personal taste stuff. I understand the feeling. I get angry. But.

People have a lot of imagination and it's just a part of life. We don't know what their inner life is like, we don't know if they're survivors of the worst thing you can think of or if they're just into game of thrones, and it's not our business. I'd rather block a game of thrones enjoyer than be a jerk to a CSA survivor, and I'm sure you feel the same.

At the end of the day, you say it yourself, we just don't want to see whatever they came up with, we just want to safely browse tags for stuff we enjoy.

I believe blacklisting keywords and tagging stuff properly is the only way we'll be left alone properly, because the internet is not a safe place. It's a public place, and mind control isn't a thing. And it would be bad if it was. The world where nobody posts about anything "wrong" is Big Brother's world and that's not the world I want to live in.

Your feelings of anger are valid, but to me it sounds like you don't want to do anything at all and still see only things you want. Unfortunately we are not entitled to the people around us just not posting what's they're allowed to post. Most we can ask for is warnings so we can fit the website to us rather than the people.

I've left a comment on a fic I hated once, not even a rude one, I tried to be very polite, I was saying something like "hey, this is really out there and maybe this isn't the fandom for you if this is what you're into?" and you know what! Someone else in the comments called me a jerk. And they were completely right. I felt deeply ashamed. That kind of behavior is being a jerk, I loathed that content deeply, I should've just blacklisted it and ended it here. I let my anger get the better of me and I shouldn't have done that. So I deleted the comment and I will never do something like that again.

Your anger is valid but you should be journaling or telling your friends about it, not... whatever sending anons to other people about me is. You will never successfully stop everyone from thinking up fucked up pure fiction, because it is a completely legal thing to do no matter how gross. People will just keep doing it for their own private reasons. They'll even do worse things too. The internet is not safe, and it will never be safe so long as people are free to use it.

You live in a society and you have to adapt to it with the tools you can use, so everyone can have a compromise of a happy, if not a safe place.

Block me, block the stuff you hate, keep blacklisting stuff, do as you like but remember a block should be out of sight, out of mind. If it still actively bothers you (in a "active distress" or a "keep thinking about it" way, not in a "I still think the concept's gross" way) after you've stopped seeing it you probably need to see a therapist. That's not normal.

No matter how much I hate the result, drawing and writing stuff is one step above thought crimes and it should be pretty obvious from the name of my most popular fic that I don't think those are legitimate crimes. If I told people into [REDACTED] "hey it bothers me that you do that" I would just be entitled as hell. It's legal to do. Lawyers are willing to fight pro bono about it on ao3. The horny is even stronger than capitalism and there's nothing we can do to make people stop having weird tastes, sexual or otherwise. This is what it comes down to.

If you have friends comfortable with that, you can talk about it with them when you still come across content you hate. Seek comfort.

I do sincerely wish you happiness and peace anon, it just can't come at the price of everyone else's. The blacklist is the compromise I've accepted, and I don't think you can avoid that so long as you're sharing a space with others. This is fundamentally an unsafe public space we can never hope to control, only moderate with tools and polite labeling.

[nick-close]

While this isn’t technically dndads specific, and the fic seems not to come up for a few people (it may have been deleted, idk?), I’m bringing it up because I’ve seen a few people find and tell me about a rather,, unsavory/triggering fic on the ao3 dndads tags- and I think it’s important to give this note incase anyone stumbles upon it or any others:

The best thing to do if you see a fic like that is to ignore it. Don’t hate read it, don’t comment your disgust, don’t look at their page or try to find their social media- Unfortunately you can’t block people on ao3 as far as I’m aware, and as much as it sucks, if they tag it correctly they aren’t breaking any site rules and therefore a report wont do anything. You can also blacklist certain tags if you don’t want them to come up at all when you search. But again I encourage as much as possible that nobody, especially not minors, go out of their way to intentionally read/interact with something that’ll trigger them or make them feel uncomfortable. 

It can feel really gross to know that kind of stuff exists. Feeling like that, disgusted, angry, upset- those are incredibly valid and understandable reactions. But please don’t let morbid curiosity lead you to interact with content that’ll ultimately harm you. eventually it’ll get buried under all the newer fics. 

The more you talk about it, share it, try to get others to send hate, try to show how gross it is etc, only exposes more people to triggering content/sends them to interact with someone who made the content at hand. Again, especially minors in this scenario. (Though adults should also be careful here.) Feel how your feeling, but don’t indulge in it.

[d0llpie]

prompt 16 ;; in your req rules you said this was okay so i hope its fine :,) could i have oikawa, iwaizumi and tsukishima finding their s/o's fresh (or old if you prefer) sh scars? the way it ends should be fluff lol, im only asking because this would bring me comfort </3 either way i love your writing ur amazing<3

Self Harm Comfort

oikawa x reader, iwaizumi x reader, tsukkishima x reader

Warnings: self harm mention, blood mention, this topic is very triggering so please do not read if uncomfortable, i add tags that can be blacklisted for this topic !

a/n: hi love, i hope this brought you some comfort, my messages are always open, have a beautiful day <333

prompt: “i know i’m not what you signed up for”

wc: 1.9k

Oikawa

~ You hadn’t been dating Oikawa very long, he never questioned why you always wore long sleeves and honestly he didn’t think much of it

~ You were proud to say that you hadn’t self harmed since your relationship had begun, he was always doting and caring while also being fun and a distraction for you. You loved him with all your heart and knew he loved you too

~ You knew you couldn’t hide them from him forever but you didn’t realise he was coming over to surprise you, wanting to take you on a date

You’d been in your head all day, you couldn’t help it, your thoughts spiraled and you were back in that dark place you’d been so happy to be out of for so long. You hated that you resorted to this but coping this way became to familiar that before you knew it, you found yourself on the bathroom floor, blade in one hand and bloody tissues in the other. Tears were rolling down your cheeks but you stared blankly ahead of you, you didn’t feel any better, your thoughts turning to tooru, what would he think? This only made your tears come out faster, shame creeping up on you, your thoughts spiraling darker and deeper until you were stuck overthinking and rolling your sleeve higher.

You didn’t hear Oikawa open the door or walk towards the bathroom, you did hear his gasp in the door frame as he dropped to his knees in front of you, cradling you in his arms, wetting your shirt with his own tears. “Y/n, why didn’t you tell me? What happened? What are you doing?” you were too shocked to answer, scared that this was the end of your relationship and you’d be trapped again with your thoughts, alone. “i-“ you tried to speak but it came out in a choked sob and Oikawa shushed you, pulling you to sit on the edge of the bathtub while he fetched your med kit. He was silent cleaning your wounds, occasional sniffles let out which only make you overthink even more. Once he bandaged your arm you held his wrist still.

“Tooru i wanted to tell you, i hadn’t done this since before we started dating, i’ve been doing well i dont know what happened and i know i’m not what you signed up for, i’m sorry i’m really sorry it’s just-“ “you are exactly what i signed up for. I want you, all of you, i just wish you felt comfortable enough with me to tell me, this scares me y/n, i need you and i’m sorry that i was to ignorant to realise how you were feeling..” you cupped his cheek “no tooru baby you don’t need to apologise..” “you don’t need to either y/n, i’m going to help you, please tell me when you feel like this...i don’t know what to do but i’m not leaving. i’m staying right beside you okay?” you nodded, tearing up again and burying your face in his chest “why are you crying my love?” you lifted your head, pressing your lips against his slowly “i love you tooru, i’m s-“ “don’t you dare apologise, i love you too.” you giggled softly, sniffling before returning back to his chest.

“C’mon y/n, let’s watch your favourite movie and i’ll let you braid my hair to distract you hmm?” you smiled up at him, you both looked a mess, red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks but you were there in each other’s arms, safe and in love.

Iwaizumi

~ Iwaizumis love language was touch, it reassured him to feel you against him and showed you how much he loved you when he would absentmindedly trace patterns on your skin

~ He always had to have some form of physical contact with you, holding pinkies in crowded spaces, holding your hips while talking to people

~ It shouldn’t have surprised you that he’d eventually feel them

He’d had a long day, the team wasn’t listening to him and all he wanted to do was come home and fall asleep on your chest while you played with his hair. He hated staying late training the team but he knew you were going to be there tonight, waiting for him to come home. It was so domestic, coming back to see you in his apartment, wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of his boxers, the thought kept him going throughout the day and drive home.

Iwa was coming come home late again so you decided to take a shower and head to bed, you got out of the shower, towel wrapped around your body as you made your way into the bedroom to grab one of iwas hoodies. Iwaizumi walked into the bedroom to see you in just a towel, he smiled at you and wrapped his arms around you, breathing in deeply. You froze underneath him, did he see? would he think you were weak? disgusting? you tried calming your breathing but Iwaizumi obviously noticed your state and stepped back, running his hands over your shoulders and down your arms “what’s wrong?” he froze when his arms reached your forearms, running his fingers over the raised flesh so he knew he wasn’t imagining it. Your breathing only sped up, your throat felt like it was constricting. “y/n...” he was angry, not at you, at himself. You’d been together for so long and he never realised? He used to find the fact that you only wore oversized hoodies adorable, seeing you drown in the material warmed his heart, now it made him sick. Did you not want him to see? Did you not trust him? Why didn’t he notice?

“Ouch Haji..” your squeak shook him out of his thoughts and he released your wrists, not realising how tight his grip was getting. He then noticed your wide eyes and shallow breaths and realised you were having a panic attack “y/n-shit. i’m so sorry here, breathe with me baby okay?” he held your hands and led your breathing until you calmed down. You changed into one of his shirts and some shorts before sitting next to him on the bed. “Baby, please tell me none of those are new.” he pulled you onto him so you were sitting on him “they aren’t, i was going to tell you i was just...ashamed? i’m not sure it’s complicated, i know i’m not what you signed up for..” he held your arm out gently, tracing the scars with his fingers before pressing your wrist against his lips. He kissed along each of your scars, mumbling how much he loved you while a few stray tears escaped his eyes.

“If you ever feel that way again, i want you to tell me first okay? I love you, you’re so strong and beautiful, you’re my home okay? i need you and i want you to be able to rely on me too.” you nodded before kissing him, smiling against his lips “thank you haji” you began playing with the hair at the nape of his neck and he nuzzled his face into your neck, picking you up and lying you down fully under the covers “you don’t have to hide them around me y’know” you hummed, playing with his hair, kissing his forehead as he peppered kisses along your jaw “goodnight haji”.

Tsukkishima

~ you don’t know what exactly led you to feeling this way again, but you were back to feeling numb, wanting more than anything to feel

~ although you knew better, you still made you way to the bathroom, blade in hand like you were on autopilot

~ you hadn’t told tsukkishima yet, too afraid of what he’d say, what he’d do. He was rarely serious as it was and you didn’t feel the need to burden him with this

Tsukkishima wasn’t dumb. He was smart, he noticed when you were uncomfortable in public and would take you out of there without you needing to express your discomfort. He noticed advertisements for that show you mentioned a few weeks ago on the back of a bus. He noticed the clothes you wore and how you fiddled with the edges of your sleeves. He noticed the empty look behind your eyes sometimes and the fake smiles you’d send his way when he asked if you were feeling okay. He hated it. He felt so powerless, he wasn’t certain but he was almost positive and he wanted to help you but he didn’t know how.

You weren’t answering your phone so Tsukki let himself inside, making his way up to your room only to see your phone on your bed but you nowhere to be found. He walked down the hallway and noticed the light on in the bathroom.

You looked up from the floor, hearing a knock on the bathroom door. “Yes? I’m in here.” your heart leapt into your throat when the door knob started rattling and you quickly sat against the door. “Y/N? move, what are you doing on the floor?” You froze at the sound of Keis voice “Kei? what are you doing here?” you tried to push harder against the door but he pushed it far enough to let himself into the bathroom. You had rolled your sleeves back down but he saw the bloodied blade on the counter. “Take off the jacket” you rolled your eyes “I’m not in the mood right now Kei” he moved towards you “y/n.” the sad tone in his voice made your lip quiver, he knew. You slowly took your jacket off and looked away from him as you started to tear up “i know i’m not what you signed up for but please-“”dumbass, why didn’t you tell me...” you looked up at him to find him staring at the cuts, you tried to speak but you couldn’t.

Tsukki moved to the medicine cabinet and took out some bandages and alcohol wipes, cleaning and dressing the wounds while you cried softly. “y/n, i’m not leaving okay? you don’t need to cry, i’m here.” you wrapped your arms around his neck and he hugged your waist, burying his nose in your hair. “Kei i’m sorry i didn’t tell you i just didn’t want you to break up with me..” “i’ve known for a while now, i’m not mad but i will be if you feel like this again and don’t tell me. I’m you boyfriend, you’re one of the few people i can stand and i’m not gonna have you thinking i don’t care okay?” you nodded at him, burying your face in his chest “i love you kei, i promise i’ll talk to you more..” he rubbed your back soothingly “good, dumbass. i love you too..”

[queerlymasculine]

this is a really long post and I have yet to discover a way to put a read-more on posts while on mobile. RIP. I'll tag it as a long post, but that's the best I can do. mobile does have filtering, btw, so you can hide tags and content (including usernames btw) that you don't want to see, so blacklist "long post"

anyway

in tonight's edition of "growing up in fundamentalist Christianity was a deeply traumatic experience for me on top of the trauma I was already experiencing at the same time,"

I have realized once again why the way primarily cisgender heterosexual people talk about kink has never vibed with me.

fundamentalist Christianity is all about how pleasure is bad. if you feel pleasure, you are not doing enough. you are not a good person if you are feeling pleasure (or even if you're feeling calm and comfortable). suffering is the point. you should be suffering all the time. you should be uncomfortable. suffering is good. suffering is the right thing to do. if you are struggling and constantly telling yourself you're a bad person and constantly aware that you should be doing more, you're on the right track. but you're never a good person. everyone is fundamentally bad, and the best we can do is work insanely hard to be less-bad.

I'm not kidding. it sounds crazy because it is. it sounds unhealthy because it is.

and that's the narrative people have about submission. maybe suffering isn't the right word because I feel like at least 51% of people in kink understand that if you're playing with any kind of pain, you should be enjoying it at all times. I feel like most people think pain should be a fun time for you if you're going to do it.

maybe sacrifice is the better word. submission seems synonymous with sacrifice. submissives, it seems, give something up, and dominants gain. a submissive lacks, and a dominant has. people talk about it as though that is what submission -- maybe more specifically the type of submission that includes an aspect of service -- entails. that sacrifice is the core of submission.

and honestly I don't fuck with that, given the trauma I experienced. I can see in theory how one might enjoy that, I genuinely do. it's not for me, but that doesn't mean I don't understand what the appeal is.

but I don't fuck with it. I lived with that narrative for years, and it contributed to the other horrible things I was going through, and I'm over it, none for me thanks.

and yet, here I am, in a d/s relationship (intentionally not capitalized because I find the obsession with capitalization exhausting and demeaning), and here I am, with the desire to serve.

it should be noted that this desire to serve is exclusive to my owner and has grown organically in me. I didn't want this before I met hir, and I only want this with hir.

so, how do I make this make sense? how do I align my desire to serve with the fact I refuse to operate under a framework where discomfort, sacrifice, and suffering are expected of me?

because there's no obligation. there are no consequences if I don't want to or am not able to. I will receive the same praise and love, and I will be desired either way. there are no conditions on pleasure. hir pleasure is never more important than mine. pleasure can look different for each of us -- for example, sometimes it's pleasurable to orgasm, sometimes it's pleasurable not to -- but we both deserve and get pleasure from what we do.

when I think about performing acts of service for hir, it's a pleasurable thought and I have every reason to believe the experience in real life would feel the same way. I want to do them because I want to, which seems reductive, I'll grant you that. I want to do them because the idea of doing them brings me pleasure. the fact it will also bring hir pleasure is a beneficial side effect.

(obviously I wouldn't do them if ze didn't want me to. what I'm saying is that I don't feel compelled to do them because I believe I have to in order to please hir.)

i wouldn't want to do these things if I didn't feel safe. my desire to do them is one of the most pure feelings I experience. it's not complicated. I don't feel like I have to. I don't feel like I need to. I don't feel like it will make me a Better Submissive if I do them. I don't think wanting to serve makes me a Better Submissive than people who don't want to. it's just a thing I want to do because it is a way I can express how I feel about hir.

I wouldn't feel this way about someone who wanted me to do it or expected me to. I don't find acts of domestic-flavored service inherently rewarding, most likely because of the way I was raised and the society in which we live. doing these things requires a lot from me, and when it's expected, the emotional payoff is never enough to justify the cost incurred.

ze doesn't expect it. even when I express certain desires, ze never holds me to them, ze never expects me to want to do the same things every time we play. the lack of expectation and concurrent lack of punitive response -- not just lack of discipline play but also that ze never reacts negatively when I express my needs, ze never gets angry or frustrated with me, etc -- makes me feel safe.

ze is a really good person, and I'm not just saying that in the same way that people always say the person they love is a good person. ze is like.......... a really good person. I've only ever met a handful of other people who are good like this. ze is the kind of person who is so good that you kinda can't trust it at first because you're like, "okay nobody is actually that good. nobody is actually that kind and good and patient and smart and loving and genuine."

but like.... ze actually is like that.

and I just, the way I feel about hir, I don't know how to express it in a different way. there aren't other ways to express this facet of it. there certainly aren't words for it. this is the only way that can properly communicate it.

I just want to serve hir because that's the way I feel about hir and because I feel that ze deserves it. I don't think any of the random doms on here deserve it from me because I know I'm better than them. they're not good enough for me.

but ze is good enough for me. that is why ze gets to play under this framework with me. ze is kind and good and loving and gentle and soft, and I deserve that. similarly, I'm kind and gentle and loving and supportive and able to be honest about my needs, and ze deserves a partner and submissive with those qualities.

and I believe ze deserves the kind of devotion I have for hir. I believe ze deserves the way I feel about hir.

so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. nothing about being hirs feels like I'm giving anything up. I genuinely see everything we do as me getting something. there's no loss or sacrifice at all. other people might look at what we do and view it with that lens, but their interpretation would be wrong.

to me, kink is just an umbrella of different ways to experience pleasure. it's a choose your own adventure thing with a wide range of options. the only two mandatory requirements are enthusiastic consent and safety, both physical and emotional.

kink should just be a nice time that you enjoy with people you like and trust. it shouldn't be boring or a chore. it should be fun and fulfilling. it shouldn't be sacrifice. there shouldn't be a price.

I want to serve because it feels good, that's all. I will only serve when it feels good. that's how it works for me. I might enjoy something right now and do it, but if tomorrow it doesn't feel good, I don't do it tomorrow.

and for me, I don't mess with extra steps. if it doesn't feel uncomplicatedly good, then I'm not going to do it. I don't have anything to prove. if a dominant needs a submissive to Prove™️ they are the dominant's submissive, I am not the partner for them and they are not the dominant for me.

my time is valuable, people. I don't waste it on shit I don't have to. if I choose to share my free time with you, it's because I want to, and I don't respect people who feel entitled to more than what I want to give them.

this is a good example of why I choose to be with my owner -- I have literally said the words "I want you to feel entitled to me" to hir lmao. ze has never acted like ze feels entitled to my time or attention. that tells me ze respects me and that ze believes my time and attention have value because decent people don't just go around expecting valuable things for free.

I know ze respects me. so I want hir to feel entitled to me because I want to be hirs and I want hir to feel that I belong to hir. I want to know ze feels and understands how I feel.

i don't personally see the benefit of living under a narrative of sacrifice. I tried it, and it fucked me up. I work with a narrative of pleasure and wanting to serve my owner is a product of that narrative. it is pleasurable to serve hir. it is exclusively pleasurable. it's healing, too. it is healing to adore someone this way and to be adored in return. it is healing to want to serve someone deserves it and who appreciates the entirety of it. it is healing to be this safe.

idk what the point of this post is, other than lacetop is great and you really can just do the parts of kink that are fun for you and forget the rest.

[whumperooni]

I'd love to be mutuals with you but now really sure how to approach you off-anon.

I've been holding off on answering this one because I'm not quite sure how to respond without coming off as rude or bitchy or grouchy or stuck up or just straight up ridiculous

So pretty please take this as a general answer for everyone wanting to be moots and not just you, okay? I promise it's nothing personal (specially since you're a nonny and idk who you are anyways)

tldr; I'm a bad moot and if you wanna be a moot it has to happen naturally

But

I'm a terrible mutual, tbh. My online presence is flaky at best and I rarely look at my dash. I'm happy to chat with my moots if they reach out and I'm happy to interact with them...but I don't really approach them and I go through long periods of time where I miss their content because a) I'm too busy to be on tumblr, b) my fixations have shifted and I don't wanna interact with stuff that's not centered on them, c) I'm feeling particularly tired and/or angry and I'm off tumblr because I know I'm going to lose my temper and lash out at someone.

I try to be nice to people and I try to keep an open mind and I really try to let people do their own thing even if it bothers me. But the thing is?

I'm not a super nice person. I have a minimal tolerance for bullshit and I have a problem with general fandom fuckery. (Like across all fandoms- not just here)

I get angry at fandom and I get angry at my dash and I get angry at myself and, honestly, my presence in fandom is more like a stray cat that wanders in when they're bored or hungry and leaves when I grow bored or irritated by whatever drama is going on that day. I'm selfish and standoffish and, honestly, jealous of a lot of things and people too.

They're not awesome qualities to have in a moot. They're not awesome qualities to have as a person. I try my best to maintain a more positive vibe but, really, it's not always strictly genuine.

And the thing is? It gets tiring trying to pretend that I'm not rolling my eyes at every post on my dash. I'm too old and tired to pretend to like people that get on my nerves. I don't follow those people. I try not to interact with them. I blacklist their tags and I'll block them if they really get under my skin.

I monitor my circle and I do it in a way that's strictly selfish. I refuse to follow someone who sends me into a rant every other day and I'll absolutely dump a mutual if seeing their posts starts to get under my skin. I've done that before and, honestly, it hurt to do that because I did enjoy their content a lot and I thought that we could actually be good friends....I just didn't enjoy them or entertain those daydreams anymore once they decided to dump me like a hot potato.

I've been on all the sides of being a moot- bestie moots, enemies to friends to moots and back to enemies, casual headcanon exchanging moots, the moot that's been dropped because the other found more popular friends + more clout, and the moot that's dropped the other because they started shit talking about things that are Extremely Personal to me and I wasn't about to deal with that.

It sucks being a moot with someone only to find out they've dumped you. And, honestly? That's a veryyyyyyyyy likely possibility when it comes to being moots with me? Which I hate because people don't deserve that and hurt feelings suck and I don't want to upset anyone if I don't have to. But the thing is? I have to monitor my experience on tumblr or I will spiral and become miserable and nuke my chances of being welcome in fandom during an inevitable, public meltdown.

And that means....well that means that things just have to happen naturally?

(God, I'm so sorry I'm rambling but I'm trying so hard to explain myself)

Like. If you come to me and you're like "I wanna be mutuals with you. I wanna be friends" then I'm going to recoil- especially if we've never interacted before. For one, something like that is supremely uncomfortable to me. How can I say no without coming off as a bitch? It feels like a trap- even if it isn't, even if it's purely just enthusiastic and sincere- and I'm a prickly, hermetic person by nature who literally talks to one person irl on a daily basis...who also happens to live with me and is my boyfriend.

I don't seek out friends. I don't seek out relationships. I don't try to make something happen when it comes to people? It just...idk man I have to let it happen naturally or eventually it's gonna blow up in my face because I will feel restless and trapped and resentful. (Even if you literally do nothing wrong. Please understand that I'm a kinda shitty person, I work two jobs and I'm always stressed, and I'm bipolar and unmedicated. Please understand that I try and I'm not using these as excuses but just stating facts- my mental and emotional state are often shit and I lash out at people once my stress becomes too much...which is often these days. That this has happened to me before and I know myself and I'm trying to be truthful and not set up any rosy expectations just to disappoint anyone)

Like...if you still wanna be a moot, all I can say is to just...interact with me? Maybe I'll check out your blog and vibe with what I see????

But there are layers and layers of why I'm Not a good moot and there are layers and layers of reasons I'm not going to follow just anybody just because I'm asked.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to end this and I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it's too much explanation or not but...

Just...don't have any expectations when it comes to me. I'm making no promises to anyone and I'm trying to be transparent.

I won't be mutuals with someone just because they want me to be. It's gotta happen naturally or it won't happen at all.

And I am sincerely sorry if it causes hurt feelings or if it comes off as rude or mean or bitchy or something. Rejection fucking sucks, you know?

But I have to look out for my mental and emotional health and, unfortunately, that means setting boundaries and limits and monitoring my experience very carefully.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry. I know this is probably super unsatisfying and I'm deeply apologetic over it.

But...yeah. That's that and I'm going to shut up now.

(Sorry)

[suckerforpsychos]

sorry for invading your ask box but oh god the jatp blacklist post just made me so??? angry??? I don't want to get yelled at so I don't want to reply to the OG post but like it's one thing to not like smut and not agree with it being written/created about certain characters but another to call those people p*dophiles (which is just outrageous because fucking no?? what the fuck kind of claim is that????) and say that they don't deserve a platform where they can express themselves for fucks sake. I've talked to and interacted with some of the people on this list and they're just the sweetest, kindest people and I'm pissed that because of this post, they're undoubtedly going to get so much fucking hate for nothing. like you want to create a list of people who post/write smut because it makes you and some other people uncomfortable?? great, yeah do that if that helps, but don't fucking bash those people what the fuck

You are totally right, I agree with all of this. I have interacted with several people that were mentioned in the list and all of them are incredibly talented and very sweet in person. One of them even encoraged me to post my own writings on ao3. I don't know all of the people in the list (neither have I read all of their works), but those I know also have written amazing non-explicit fics, but apparently the person who made the list didn't bother to look into that or to perceive these people as actual human beings, who have feelings. My biggest fear is that the authors, who are mentioned in the list will be bullied out of the fandom and stop creating content at all, just because someone didn't bother to think things through and came up with these terrible accusations in the name of performative morality. Neither the creator of the list nor their supporters have provided evidence that any of the blacklisted accounts has displayed inappropriate behaviours towards minors neither on this site nor anywhere else. Basically they have called them pedophiles without any proof and called on others to ostracize them from the fandom, which can be considered a violation of Tumblr community guidelines in my personal interpretation, therefore I have reported the post in question and I suggest you do the same. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with safe environment (safe from what? fictional works that that have nothing to do with reality and are marked with a ton of tags and warnings regarding their content? really? is that the actual threat?), it is just an unfortunate example of spreading hate and toxic behaviour, that has been rotting this fandom from inside for the past couple of weeks already. Sorry for the long rant and thank you for the ask! It is nice to know that there are still reasonable people in this fandom.

[takaraphoenix]

Antis shouldn’t be seeking out the ship tag to bother shippers, but if someone makes a “you asked why I dislike this ship so here are my reasons” post and it’s properly tagged, then shippers shouldn’t seek that out either. If a post is properly tagged and not crosstagged, it is aimed at a specific audience. If you are not that audience, you have the tools to blacklist the tag and the option to not engage.

Ship and let ship has a counter part and that’s to let others not ship something, without having to try and force it on them or try to reason why actually the thing they don’t like for whatever reason is really very pure and perfect and good. You don’t need to justify why you ship a ship or why aspects that bother others about the ship don’t bother you - or worse yet, trying to argue why the canon aspects that bother someone don’t exist.

If someone says, for example, “someone, even a fictional character, being abused by their partner makes me personally uncomfortable so I don’t like this” and you go about “well chara A hit chara B because A was being very emotional” that’s not a fucking justification. That’s textbook abusive behavior. Someone being really angry and letting that anger out on their partner by physically hurting them. And that doesn’t just go for abuse, sometimes it may just rub someone the wrong way how one character treats another and they don’t see that as a good foundation for a relationship. Or they simply dislike a character that’s in the ship.

It’s fiction. If that shit gets your engine going, good for you. If that shit simply doesn’t bother you, also good for you. But accept when it does bother others. Accept that people have different tastes!

If someone says “this is the line I draw for myself and this is where I stop enjoying fiction”, then it is really disturbing when you try to argue that the thing that bothers them doesn’t even exist, especially when everyone has access to canon and it is in the canon, but you feel the need to gaslight strangers and pretend it’s not in there for the sake of feeling better about your fictional ship.

That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy what is nowadays referred to as “problematic” things, I enjoy a lot of that too. You don’t have to examine it super closely, or confront and acknowledge it, but if you yourself are fine with that being a part of the thing you enjoy, to whatever extend, then... stay away from those who are bothered by it? Don’t actively seek others out who are bothered by it to tell them that actually your problematic fiction is not problematic at all, just because you personally can’t handle liking something problematic. Just shut up about it then, if you don’t want to acknowledge it. There is no need for forced purification, especially not at the cost of pretending that abusive patterns themselves aren’t abusive at all.

Because while these characters aren’t real and their relationship is fiction, exactly these abusive patterns are very real and real people are stuck in these relationships. And if someone can not enjoy fiction that portrays these behaviors then maybe... maybe don’t go about justifying why it’s actually kind of okay if one partner repeatedly physically abuses the other partner, mh? Just don’t do that.

[myaekingheart]

As I approach a very raw and emotional arc in the story that I’m writing, I’ve been thinking a lot about comfort characters, coping mechanisms, and fandom. Specifically in the lens of curating your own fandom experience and trying to navigate other people’s perceptions of your comfort characters. 

Like, one of my favorite things about fandom is the fact that we have this tendency to so often latch onto characters that mean something to us or that we see parts of ourselves in. We get really, really attached to characters and fall in love with them and even create these fabricated narratives (that are sometimes also romances, self-insert or not) as a way to feel some sort of bond with these characters. We feel like we know them and end up feeling like we share some sort of fictional relationship with them and it can be extremely comforting. It can be extremely comforting using that fictional relationship and the stories we weave as a way to cope with things we’re dealing with in our lives, to work through these complex and raw thoughts and emotions in a way that foregoes more dangerous routes. The intrinsic value of hurt/comfort and even whump in transformative works in terms of coping with mental, physical, and emotional pain cannot be ignored. And this is great! The right to take a comfort character and use them as your own personal coping mechanism is truly one of the most wonderful things about fan culture. 

If this was all there was to it, then that would be fine. And if you’re kind of solitary in your fandom endeavors, then that’s likely all there is to it. When you start engaging in fandom and with other people, though, I feel like that’s when things can so easily go awry. Chances are, you are not the only person who takes comfort in a specific character. And you are not the only person who uses that character to cope and process through transformative works. It’s an amazing feeling to find someone who shares the same love for a character that you do, and who is on a similar wavelength as you in terms of using that character as a way to cope, and the things that you each use that character to cope with. But then there’s the darker side, when people use your comfort character to cope with things that make you uncomfortable. Or even just use them as a player in a story that makes you uncomfortable. It can be extremely difficult to be so deeply attached to a character and your own personal solitude in them, the idea of them protecting you from something bigger than yourself, and then so suddenly find someone else using that very character to create stories heavily focused on the very thing you’re trying to combat. The most common reactions, I feel, are typically anger, fear, confusion, hurt, distrust, disgust. A part of you might even begin questioning how well you even know this character to begin with, or if everything you’ve thought you understood about them was way off the mark and you’ve been fabricating this false, out-of-character idea of them. But more than anything, you begin to feel like the one character in which you sought comfort has been turned around to hurt you. And that can be an extremely distressing thing to try to manage. 

It can be even more difficult when the version of this character that is so heavily focused on something that’s harmed you is widely accepted or at least presented in a fandom space. It can feel isolating, like you constantly have to watch your step and vet everyone that reaches out to you or follows you. It can be tiring. It can leave you feeling like you just want to remove yourself from fandom spaces entirely. A personal example: one of my favorite characters is very commonly presented in fandom in a way that feels very close to an incident from when I was younger that traumatized me. And seeing this character presented in this way can be incredibly distressing, disturbing, and disgusting. More often than not, I end up having this very visceral reaction that leaves me nauseous, angry, and self-conscious. Because seeing a character I love occupying a space reminiscent of someone who hurt me is unsettling, and even moreso when it’s so much harder to avoid. 

So that begs the question of what to even do about this, because I’m sure that this experience is universal to anyone engaging in fandom in one capacity or another. There are plenty of options. There is leaving fandom entirely, whether that means detaching yourself from your entire fandom experience or resorting to enjoy fandom quietly, silently, alone. This is an easy and safe option. This is like the abstinence of options. You can’t put yourself in the line of fire if you never engage in the first place, right? But it’s also incredibly isolating. It’s cutting yourself off of the positive experiences in fandom because the negatives seem to outweigh them. It’s throwing the whole thing in the garbage because one piece broke off. Another option is policing other people. This is considered in poor form. This is unhinged and unempathetic. This is the angry child stomping in the grocery store insisting that if you can’t have a piece of candy, then no one can. Because people are going to continue to write and create whatever content they want regardless of whether or not it makes someone else uncomfortable. Sometimes especially if it makes someone else uncomfortable, because that is the point that they are trying to make in their art. But also because so often the very things that make you uncomfortable are the very things are bringing comfort to someone else. It’s their way of coping, just in the exact opposite way as you. And policing them would make them feel the same way as someone policing you. It feels restrictive and hurtful and, again, isolating. So if you can’t stop other people from creating what you don’t want to see, and you can’t bring yourself to remove yourself from the situation, what other options do we have left? 

Managing your fandom experience is like a balancing act. It requires not censorship, necessarily, but well-intentioned warnings. Tagging and unfollowing and blocking and blacklisting. The only reliance this has on other people is for them to maintain courtesy by listing the contents on the front page like the ingredients on a package of food. Not everyone does this, which is another problem entirely, but the ones that do are doing all that’s required of them. The rest is up to you. The rest relies solely on your ability to blacklist your triggers, unfollow people who do share content that triggers you without tagging (which can be difficult when something that triggers you is very niche and vague, like a specific perfume or a woman with blue hair). Block people who follow you that share triggering content, even if you’re not following them, because we know that even them just appearing in your notifications and the temptation of looking at their content can be unnerving--despite how much we all certainly like to believe we have some semblance of self control. Blacklist the tags that bother you so that you can continue engaging with a friend’s content even if they share things that you don’t enjoy or want to see. Tumblr makes this easy with options like Xkit and Tumblr Savior. 

But what about other places? What about on Twitter and Discord and AO3 and deviantART? What about when you run into uncomfortable content that you can’t avoid? When all other options have been exhausted but you still just can’t escape it? What do you do then? I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I’m still trying to find a way to navigate certain unsettling waters in the most balanced and respectful way, while also respecting my own triggers and mental health. And sometimes it’s really fucking hard. Sometimes there’s more to it than just blocking and blacklisting. And I wish I had answers for what to do in those situations, but I don’t. Not yet. And I hope one day I will. 

All of this is just to say: fandom can be a murky and dizzying experience and sometimes you’re bound to run into things that make you uncomfortable, or things that don’t sit well with you. Sometimes you’re bound to run into interpretations of your comfort character that make you sick to your stomach and want to punch a hole in the wall and delete everything you’ve ever written and shot out into the world for reasons you don’t even quite understand. And sometimes all of that can feel really isolating, or like you’re just overexaggerating and being a wimp, or like you’re being a bad participant in fandom spaces. Sometimes it can be really hard to want to stay involved in fandom when curating that experience can feel like so much work. And because as much as you can tag and blacklist and block and unfollow, that doesn’t always completely erase the feelings that running into that triggering content comes with. You can do all of these things and still feel nauseous and angry and uncomfortable and like you desperately need to reach for the eye bleach. And that can be really hard to navigate, especially when seeing that content makes you feel separated from the one character you would turn to to actually cope with this. Sometimes it can begin to feel like the way you see this character or feel about this character has been irrevocably changed for you now, because all you see attached to them now is your trigger, and that really hurts. I wish I had answers for how to manage those feelings, or how to rewire the circuits in your brain and load an old save up, to cut out the moldy part of the cheese and enjoy the rest that hasn’t yet been spoiled in your mind. I wish I had answers for how to cope with those sorts of things, but I don’t. I just hope one day I will. 

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[dcfcrged]

Hi, I’m Penny and you’ve found one of my many (many) roleplay blogs!

A few important things to note: my blogs are all 18+ only. NSFW & potentially triggering material may and or will be present on any given blog at any given moment so please read the information in the blog description before following to be sure you are okay with the material present. Each blog should have main trigger warnings listed in the description by the time I’m done. I use tags so you can blacklist!

My activity is slow and very, very sporadic. Muse fluctuates, I have a slew of mental and physical health issues and I’m a mom & work from home. If you are not comfortable with the idea of waiting weeks to months for a reply please don’t follow. I can be super fast but it’s definitely the exception to the rule.

Please follow any blog that you want to interact with but please also only follow if you’re actively interested (taking into account my speed). This allows me to accurately gauge interest! I’m not looking to just add to follower counts! I am looking for people that would like to write and plot.

My tagging system on every blog is super simple (example: MEMES. HEADCANON. VERSE. MEME CALL. STARTER CALL. WISHLIST. and so on) but you are free to ask me if you need help finding something specific!

I use @rpmemes-galore for most of my memes - you are welcome to send stuff from there to any blog at any time. I accept headcanon and character development prompts from everyone. IC interactions may be selective. It may also take me months or longer to get to something you send in!

Generally, my graphics, headers, banners, promos etc. are made by me. My icons are also made by me and you can usually find all of the bases fore free / donation at @tuppencetrinkets - hundreds of thousands of caps & icons that I share so please don’t take any of my edited icons (if I happen to actually edit them). I might just stick w/ my bases for ease & time.

I freely admit sometimes I play favorites be it other mun, other muses, my muses, verses, settings, whatever. Sorry, but this is for fun and I do what I want to and what I’m inspired to. If that makes you uncomfortable or angry, I am sorry but I do wish you good luck elsewhere!

Patience is definitely key with me. I suck at replying to ims, starters, asks, making starters, making edits, any of it, until the perfect storm of mood, health, time, brain and inspiration strikes. If you still want to stick around, awesome.

I am 39 years old, I’m a cis female, I live in the US w/ my s/o and between 1-4 kids, many cats, dogs and a couple guinea pigs. I have ADHD, PTSD, PMDD, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, migraines, insomnia, diabetes type 2, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism and permanent nerve damage in my spine & cysts in my wrist that needs surgery I can’t get fixed til everything else is under control & probably stuff I’m forgetting. Even before all the craziness this year, I home schooled one kiddo; I run a paper craft and jewelry and decoupage Etsy shop from home & in general my life is a disaster and filled with chaos. I am generally lurking on wire (ic texting) and or discord (small rp / ic things or ooc chatting). If you’d like either of those just let me know. 

[prosshi]

I don’t know anything about you, idk why you thought I implied that you consumed that content at all, I was just replying to your comment on my ask. I didn’t assume that you’re against tags, I was just speaking generally that some people are gonna be uncomfortable with lolishota content no matter what. I’m not gonna bother reading the rest of your response because I thought the distinction between sexualities and pedophilia were apparent enough to draw the comparison between porn consumption because you can be any sexuality and be a pedophile because they’re not the same thing.

Hm... Yeah, I don’t know where I got that implication /s

Like... Do you not read you own posts or are you trying to be purposefully manipulative? I can’t tell anymore.

This ended up super long so I’m putting it under a read more:

You were the one who brought up that comparison, and you’re mad that I pointed out that it doesn’t even work. That sentence after the highlighted section is what academics like to call the “no offense” argument. Because you’re doing the equivalent of saying “wow, you’re ugly... No offense though :)” Basically it’s bullshit.

“I thought the distinction between sexualities and pedophilia were apparent enough to draw the comparison between porn consumption because you can be any sexuality and be a pedophile because they’re not the same thing”

Uuuugh... Okay, I’m really starting to question if you’re being purposefully manipulative or if you literally just don’t know what words mean... Comparing two things is still comparing two things, even if they are extremely different. For example, if a TERF says “TRAs are basically just fascists for forcing people to go along with their delusions!” they are still comparing trans people to fascists. Even though we all know that there is a huge difference between a trans person just wanting equal rights and a fascist. That’s still a comparison. Also! What I just did was a comparison! To my knowledge you are in no way a TERF and are nothing like a TERF, however I just used a TERF as an example, thus drawing a comparison. And if that comparison bothers you at all, then congrats! Maybe you can somewhat understand why I, a queer CSA survivor, got fucking pissed at your comparison.

You’re basically just amazingly hypocritical. You made a comparison, got mad at me for pointing out that your comparison didn’t work, tried to act offended by your own comparison, got mad that I pointed out your hypocrisy, and now have admitted you didn’t even read my response. And here I was pulling quotes from research papers in case you actually tried to make an argument... Once again I have wasted my time because the bar is just so low...

“I didn’t assume that you’re against tags” okay, I think I understand the problem here. You don’t understand that words change meaning depending on the context.

In this paragraph you use the word “you” both directly and generally. “You don’t have to lecture me” and “You can’t really explain” are both written as if they’re directed at me personally, since you’re directing this ask at me. Because those are in the same paragraph as “Alternatively you can tag your stuff” it makes it seem like a direct accusation that that is something I don’t do.

In the future I would suggest choosing different words that communicate that you’re switching to speaking generally. I would recommend “Alternatively people can tag their stuff” instead.

What was that about not reading the response? Did you actually not read it or could you not think of a good response and wanted to pretend you didn’t see it?

But ah yes, you’re right. I read that as saying that you understand why survivors would have rape fantasies.

I guess I’m just hopelessly naive and thought that you were showing compassion towards people who use dark fiction as a way of processing trauma./s 

Yeah, dark fiction can be triggering. That’s why people encourage tag usage? Like I said before, the problem is that people purposefully go into those tags and harass people for even making that problem. The problem is that people send death threats instead of just asking someone to tag something or black listing the tag.

I don’t even have anything more to say to that. I’m just... SO fucking tired... I have PTSD and I’m so tired of people using triggers as an excuse for harassment. Anything can be a trigger. There is a children’s cartoon that’s a trigger for me because one of my groomers used to send me porn of that cartoon. That doesn’t mean I get to blame the creators of that show, or the artists who made that stuff, or send death threats to anyone who rbs posts with that show. All I can do is blacklist that show and ask people to tag it.

At this point I just hope you don’t understand what you’re talking about at all. Because if you do that would mean you think that finding something disturbing/gross is enough of a reason to suicide bait teenagers. Like, that’s the context here. People aren’t just seeing loli/shota and thinking “Ew gross I’m gonna blacklist that” they’re seeing it and organizing harassment campaigns that ruins people’s lives. People aren’t seeing untagged rape fics and send the author an angry message asking them to tag it, they are going into the dubcon/noncon tags and then harassing the author until they attempt suicide and then celebrating that suicide attempt. Even if the author is a minor.

So yeah, either you don’t know what you’re talking about, or you’re an absolutely horrible person who’s using “thinking it’s gross” as a euphemism for “suicide baiting”

[cursefcrged]

RULES.

Hi, I’m Penny and you’ve found one of my many (many) roleplay blogs! Quick run down; I have eight main blogs that I follow back from w/ a multitude of sub-blogs; 7 of these are organized by verse / setting and the main one is a hodge podge of everything else.

A few important things to note: my blogs are ALL 18+ only.  NSFW & potentially triggering material may and or WILL be present on any given blog at any given moment so PLEASE read the information in the blog description BEFORE following to be sure you are okay with the material present.  Each blog should have main trigger warnings listed in the description by the time I’m done.  I use tags so YOU can blacklist!  

My activity is SLOW and very, very sporadic.  Muse fluctuates, I have a slew of mental and physical health issues and I’m a mom & work from home.  If you are not comfortable with the idea of waiting weeks to months for a reply please don’t follow.  I CAN be super fast but it’s definitely the EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.  

Please follow any blog that you want to interact with but please also ONLY FOLLOW if you’re actively interested (taking into account my speed).  This allows me to accurately gauge interest!  I’m not looking to just add to follower counts! I am looking for people that would like to write and plot.

My tagging system on every blog is super simple (example:   MEMES.  HEADCANON.  VERSE.  MEME CALL.  STARTER CALL.  WISHLIST. and so on) but you are free to ask me if you need help finding something specific!

I use @memesandmonologues to store my memes at - you are welcome to send stuff from there to any blog at any time.  I accept headcanon and character development prompts from everyone.  IC interactions may be selective. It may also take me months or longer to get to something you send in!

Generally, my graphics, headers, banners, promos etc. are made by me.  My icons are also made by me and you can usually find all of the bases fore free / donation at @tuppencetrinkets - hundreds of thousands of caps & icons that I share so please don’t take any of my edited icons (if I happen to actually edit them).  I might just stick w/ my bases for ease & time.

I freely admit sometimes I play favorites be it other mun, other muses, my muses, verses, settings, whatever.  Sorry, but this is for fun and I do what I want to and what I’m inspired to.  If that makes you uncomfortable or angry, I am sorry but I do wish you good luck elsewhere!

Patience is definitely key with me.  I suck at replying to ims, starters, asks, making starters, making edits, any of it, until the perfect storm of mood, health, time, brain and inspiration strikes.  If you still want to stick around, awesome.

I am 38 years old, I’m a cis female, I live in the US w/ my s/o and between 1-4 kids, many cats, dogs and a couple guinea pigs.  I have ADHD, PTSD, PMDD, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, migraines, insomnia, diabetes type 2, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism and permanent nerve damage in my spine & cysts in my wrist that needs surgery I can’t get til everything else is under control & probably stuff I’m forgetting.  Even before all the craziness this year, I home schooled one kiddo; I run a paper craft and jewelry and decoupage Etsy shop from home & in general my life is a disaster and filled with chaos.  I am generally lurking on wire (ic texting) and or discord (small rp / ic things or ooc chatting).  If you’d like either of those just let me know.