#you basically gave us a thesis except for a couple words

[kerosene-saint]

my teacher: your thesis is too concrete and not enough thought which makes your essay feel more like a summary

me, who used the exact thesis he told us to use:

[peppersjam]

My Top 10 Albums of 2019

2019 presented me with a handful of incredible events and memories (I turned 30, I got married, etc.), while also serving me a big challenge (my partner is temporarily living on the other side of the country). In a poetic world, these things would have a significant impact on the music that I listened to and loved, but no, not really. This year is pretty on the nose for me, music-wise. Oh, except that I got really into Taylor Swift in the second half of the year.

Before we hop into boring Steve's boring top 10 list, let's revisit the 2018 list. The only album on the list that I barely listened to in 2019 was Cardi's Invasion of Privacy. Everything else gets at least semi-regular spins, although I'd elevate Historian, boygenius, and Big Red Machine above these others.

My biggest disappointment this year was Charli XCX's CHARLI, which is a solid album, but it didn't grab me nearly as much as Pop 2 did a couple years ago. It hasn't stuck in my rotation.

Runners up:

Bon Iver - "i,i" (I love it when I listen to it, but for some reason I'm not often compelled to listen to it)

Ariana Grande - "thank u, next" (Staple of early 2019, but fell off)

Carly Rae Jepsen - "Dedicated" (Great, but I'd rather listen to E•MO•TION)

Taylor Swift - "Lover" (Some true standout tracks, like Lover and Paper Rings, but too many cloyboys and CRJ rip-offs)

Weyes Blood - "Titanic Rising" (I could see this growing on me over the years, like a Radiohead record)

And the pre-2019 albums that should've made my respective yearly lists:

Beyoncé - "4" (2011)

Beyoncé - "BEYONCE" (2013)

Big Thief - "Capacity" (2017)

Big Thief - "Masterpiece" (2016)

Perfume Genius - "No Shape" (2017)

Snail Mail - "Lush" (2018)

Taylor Swift - "Red" (2012)

10. Big Thief – U.F.O.F

Early in the year, I "discovered" Big Thief. I don't know how I missed them before. Specifically, the song "Masterpiece" got right up in my brain and has been hanging out there since. Then Big Thief gave us U.F.O.F. which was yet another great Big Thief album. See #3 below.

9. Andrew Bird – My Finest Work Yet

Look, I'll stop putting Andrew Bird records on my end-of-year lists when he stops making them.

Andrew Bird turned a corner with the release of Are You Serious where he basically acknowledged that he was now going to work with other people and write scrutable songs. It was a good album, but My Finest Work Yet refines this Andrew Bird 2.0 and delivers some of his... finest work yet ("Sisyphus," "Manifest," "Olympians"). While I still prefer earlier Andrew Bird (A Nervous Tic Motion into Fake Palindromes into Measuring Cups... my gosh, that's 10 incredible minutes of music), I understand why he's moved on to something else.

8. JPEGMAFIA – All My Heroes Are Cornballs

I've been in a rap rut. Kanye is putting out self-indulgent gospel albums. Chance and Drake are boring now. JAY Z is working with the NFL.

But the rut is mostly a lack of imagination on my part. There's a lot of rap out there that hasn't made it through my naive filter, and I want to seek more of it out in 2020. Case in point: JPEGMAFIA. He's weird, political, funny... all the things that the aforementioned rappers aren't (or at least, aren't anymore). All My Heroes Are Cornballs is the most hypnotic rap album I've listened to in years. The glitchy beats and effortless flow makes it impossible to turn off mid-album.

7. BROCKHAMPTON – Ginger

GINGER is a proper follow-up to the SATURATION trilogy. While Iridescence had some good tracks on it, the overall experience was jarring (not without reason, given what the group was going through with Ameer). GINGER reads (ok, plays) like an album in a way that the Saturations never did. While it may be spiritually linked to the Satursation, it's a complete departure sonically. Even though it's more constrained and less bombastic than their hits from that era, it feels much bigger and, ahem, More Important. That might not be to the taste of some of their fans, but I'm happy to have both versions of BROCKHAMPTON in my music library.

6. Lana Del Rey – Norman Fucking Rockwell!

Music publications couldn't get over the fact that on NFR!, Lana, yes LANA DEL REY, was wordsmithing at a high level. Is it that hard to believe that someone would become a better poet as they gained more life experiences, inching closer to the mystical 10,000 hours? Some of the praise may have gone a little overboard (and, frankly, seems rooted in a narrow, misogynistic view of Who Can Do Music Good™️™️™️), but I agree with the underlying principle of the praise: that this is a collection of well written and well performed songs. It has my favorite album closer of the year, "Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have - but I Have It." I get chills just thinking about it.

5. Clairo – Immunity

I enjoyed my first listen.

On my second listen, I wondered if it was maybe too simple. I didn't listen again for several months.

But then, when I was working from Pittsburgh the week before Christmas, I listened again. And I couldn't stop listening. It's simpler music than many of the albums on this list, but it appeals to me for the same reason I had a fixation with Snail Mail's Lush this year: it's incredible that songs that sound so "simple" (and I truly do not mean simple in an insulting way) can still be different than anything we've heard before, and can still transfix us in new ways. Behold ye, the power of combinatorics!

4. Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride

Channel Orange to Blonde was 4 years. There's nothing you can do to get your favorite artists to make music faster. There's some beauty in that... that if an artist is financially successful enough, they don't need to rush.

Modern Vampires of the City to Father of the Bride was 6 years (i.e., 20% of my lifetime). But at least there are no duds here, and "Harmony Hall" might sneak into my hypothetical favorite-songs-of-all-time pantheon.

3. Big Thief – Two Hands

Oh, but then a few months later, Big Thief gave us another album. They started working on it right after they finished U.F.O.F, which tracks based on every interview I've read with Adrianne Lenker. She talked about the insane touring and album release schedule they've been on in the past four years, but her point wasn't "I'm getting tired," but rather "let's see if I can do this forever." I saw them play at The Fillmore after they released Two Hands and I got the sense that Adrianne has to make and perform music. She was uncomfortable engaging in the standard nearly-identical pleasantries that artists share with the audience. She was shy. She was surprised to find that we were hanging on her every word and chord. It was relatable. She's the closest to a genius I've seen in an indie rock band in the last several years, although I'm sure she'd hate anyone calling her that.

That genius produced Two Hands, an affecting indie rock record that practically demands that you close your eyes because you need to experience it and only it.

2. Tyler, the Creator – IGOR

This year, I listened to IGOR over and over again. The hooks, verses, beats, and vibe are all infectious. Boring Steve says "hey, look, it's just a great album." I don't have a deeper thought about it. I eagerly await Tyler's next project.

1. Nilüfer Yanya – Miss Universe

This year, like 2009 a decade ago, was an exciting year to be an indie rock fan. Vampire Weekend and Bon Iver cemented their elder ("elder") statesperson statuses, Big Thief came into their own as a true force of nature, and acts like Clairo and Nilüfer made me extremely jazzed about the Ghost of Indie Future.

Nilüfer has a unique and delightful voice that punches through some really fun songwriting and arrangements. Like, what a dumb, awesome lyric:

Although I cannot tell if I'm paranoid

Or it's all in my head, it's all in my head

Miss Universe is her debut full-length album, and it's a lovable and off-kilter thesis statement for what I assume will be a lovable and off-kilter music career. I can better explain why some of the other albums on this list are great, but suffice it to say, the system rewards unique performances.

[hidding-in-shadows]

weak endeavors chapter three: stay

@soulxmakaweek​

Summary: For SoMa Week 2019. Soul’s an underground boxer who’s just trying to make some extra money to start his own life, it’s not his fault that his trainer’s daughter seems to catch his eye, and he can’t seem to stop her from wiggling her way into his life. Mature for adult language and situations.

FFN Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13266914/1/weak-endeavors

Archive of Our Own Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549988/chapters/4396711

The punching bag seams were beginning to split.

Soul felt an ache in his knuckles as he flexed his hands again, his heartbeat in his ears and his breath echoing in the room. Spirit stood behind the punching bag, holding it steady, as Soul swung, counting how many punches he had thrown. (120 … 121 … 122 …)

"That's good for now," Spirit said, pushing the bag towards Soul who took a hop back. He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, "I'll grab my gloves. The next guy you're up is big and uses a lot of offense."

"How do you even know all of these fighters," Soul stretched up, listening to the ache of his muscles, "I mean, you were out of the scene for a good five or so years."

Spirit was across the room. It was a storage garage that Spirit had, empty except for a punching bag, a few weights, a couple pieces of work-out equipment, and a crudely, painted box on the ground that represented the ring Soul would inevitably be fighting in. Soul walked to the edge of the room and leaned down towards his backpack, feeling around inside for a moment before he pulled out a water bottle. He took a few drinks before pouring a little on the back of his neck. When he turned around, Spirit had large, padded gloves on, ready for Soul.

"I'm pretty stealthy," Spirit said, "and I like to keep an eye on the crowd my Maka hangs out with."

"I don't hang out with other fighters," Soul scoffed, rolling his shoulders as he walked over to Spirit, "in fact, Maka's the one who introduced me to a few new people."

"Yeah, I've noticed you've been with her more."

"Sounds like it's struck a chord with you."

Spirit looked at Soul and then stepped forward swinging the glove. Soul ducked, and as he did so, pushed Spirit's arm away, side stepping to stand behind the man. Spirit turned back around, nodding approvingly before holding the gloves up for Soul to punch.

"I just don't like seeing my baby hanging out with … kids who are like how I was in my twenties."

"I'm not like you, old man," Soul huffed as Spirit took another swing. Soul ducked, this time grabbing Spirit's shoulder and pulling him down to Soul's knee, tapping the top of it to the man's stomach before going back into his regular stance.

"You're a fighter," Spirit held his hands up, "and we all have something in common."

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"A little voice in the back of our head," Spirit made another swing and Soul dodged again, "telling us to go out and fuck something up. Or telling us that we're not good enough, or we need to prove something. It's different for each one, but it always brings us to the ring."

"I think that's called your conscious," Soul smirked.

Spirit caught Soul's fist between the two padded gloves, the older man's blue eyes hard and serious. Red strands of hair were glued to the sides of his face with sweat, and there was a sudden aging of his face, as if he was years older than he actually was.

"Don't try to deny it, don't ignore it, because otherwise you'll end up like me. You better find a way out of this, boy," Spirit's voice was low, "and don't hurt my daughter along the way."

---

The bar was crowded as expected on a Friday night.

Soul stood at the bar, more so leaned against it, sipping at a beer and people watching. Blake stood behind the bar next to Soul, grimacing as he wiped down an unknown sticky substance on the counter.

"So," Blake sighed, giving up on removing the stain, "is there a reason you suddenly stopped talking to Maka after, I don't know, a whole month of texting back and forth?"

The guilt in Soul's stomach twisted at his friends word. It was true, the two had grown closer after he spent the night at her apartment. He had woken up the next morning to the smell of coffee and toast. Him and Maka talked about work and her schooling and been very domestic. When they parted ways, Maka to the class she was a T.A. for and Soul to a training session with Spirit, she had given him a kiss on the cheek. And after that, they had texted back and forth non-stop. She would send him memes, he would snap pictures of different things that reminded him of her - book covers, posters, one time even the face of a grumpy cat he had seen in the window of a pet shop.

They had even gone out a few times, grabbed some Chinese food and relaxed at her apartment. And she had finally seen his apartment, her face flush when she walked in and Soul reminded her that she finally got a chance to come over and see his place for herself. There were met-ups at the local coffee shop down the street from the bookstore. She had even gone in a few more times, buying books to add to her never ending collection. She would sit in the windowsill with Blair in her lap, a book in hand, and a cup of tea in the other. But things had slowly begun to cross a line.

She would hold his hand when they walked down from the bookstore to the coffee shop after his shifts. There were times where he would throw an arm around the back of the couch during a game night, and she would snuggle right in, place her own hand on his thigh. And, the kisses.

They had started that day she kissed his cheek.

(Or did he start it with the whisper of a promise and a kiss on the back of her hand, like some sort of fucked up prince.)

Maka was affectionate, there was no denying that. Her and Liz and Patti always greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek. She was always holding someone's hand when she was with the group, typically Patti's or Jackie's. She would always sit close to the person she was next to as well, shoulders touching.

But, whenever she was with him, they were constant. First it had been cheek kisses, her planting them on him as she left, and the one occasion he gave her one as he left her apartment after a Chinese food night. Then, there were casual pecks against his shoulder, his back, and even on the scar on his right knuckle from an old fight. She would pass him in the bookstore and drift her fingers along his back, peck a kiss to his shoulder, and then disappear into the bookshelves. In her apartment on game nights, she would stand in the kitchen, their friends laughing in the living room, and he would stand behind her as she washed various cups and plates, rubbing her shoulders. He would lean down and plant a kiss on the nap of her neck when he was done, and each time she would sigh and relax, as if that was the only thing she needed to take the tension away.

But they had yet to actually kiss. And he knew it was only a matter of time.

He had felt Spirit's words weigh down on him after their training session earlier in the week. The fact that the man had pinpointed the exact reason Soul was fighting, the little nagging voice in the back of his head. He didn't want to admit it, and always tried to deny it, but it seemed like Soul was more like Spirit than he originally thought. So, when Spirit brought up Maka, Soul knew there was only one way to keep her safe from the epic downfall he was going to eventually go through. And that was to push her back out of the life she had so easily found her way into.

"Over her," Soul shrugged, wincing at the burn of the alcohol he had chugged after uttering those words.

"I call bullshit," Blake hissed, leaning forward, "that's the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. You two were more of a married couple than any of us."

"I'm not good for her, man," Soul turned around and leaned his arms on the bar, clenching the beer bottle between his hands, "Spirit … he was right when he said I was like him. I'm not gonna fuck up Maka's life, not when she's got a whole career ahead of her. Did you know she's working on a thesis about the impact women had in history and the removal of their names and who replaced them? Dude, I barely even knew what a thesis was, and she's putting that shit together? It could start her whole career, her professor is some big, history buff who goes around the world for conferences."

"Dude," Blake sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation, "the fact that you even just told me that about her proves that you're not over her."

"Whatever," Soul turned back around and downed the rest of his drink, "I'm not good for her."

"Yeah, after you promised her you weren't a total fuck up," Soul choked on the beer that he was swallowing as he heard Blake's words, "yeah, man, I know about that. I was Maka's friend before yours, and she's not gonna let some serious shit like that slide. It's basically my purpose in life to council the two of you and make you see how stupid you guys are for not realizing your infatuation for each other."

"You're using too many words to be the real Blake," Soul put the empty bottle on the counter and glanced across the bar to where an old clock hung, "I got a fight in thirty, I'm heading down."

"Whatever," Blake gabbed the empty bottle, "but don't come bitching to me when she finds some new, hot historian boyfriend and you're missing her."

Soul flicked Blake off and pushed through the backdoor of the bar, going into the back room where they stored various bottles, glasses, and cleaning supplies. A hinged door on the bottom of the floor lead down to the basement. Soul huffed as he opened it and the sound of voices echoed up into the back room. He descended the steps, stopping part way down to close the doors back up. Once he reached the bottom, he was met by familiar faces of bystanders and betters. They smiled, raised their drinks at him, slapped him on the back, but he knew that everyone was betting against him tonight.

The guy he was going up against was named Ragnarok, which was a self-given name because the guy thought he was bad ass. He was tall, about six foot two, and weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds, all muscle. So, it was no surprise that once Soul disappeared into the locker room that everyone got a little bit louder and a little more excited about his inevitable loss.

He began his routine, changing into his shorts and stretching his muscles. He was beginning to wrap his knuckles in black when someone slammed the door to the locker room open. He looked up, startled, to see Maka standing there in all her might.

She wore a short, plaid skirt and a cropped, white shirt with combat boots. Very school-girl-ish with her braided hair, but also very Maka. And very hot. Soul internally cursed at himself for the last thought.

"What the fuck," was all she said as she moved to close the locker room door, blocking him from leaving.

"Sorry," Soul went back to wrapping, "not too sure what fuck you are referring to."

"Oh, so funny," there was ice in her voice, "maybe the fuck you gave for me about a week ago? Or for the past month? Seriously, after the whole I don't leave people who are important to me speech?"

"Maka, can we really not do this right now, I have to go up against a big mother fucker and I would rather not -,"

"Oh, yeah your fight, I totally forgot about that. You know, against a fighter. A title you claimed was not applied to you, or at least not in the sense that you would go on and walk out on people who are important to you."

"Maka -,"

"I mean, Christ," she let out a frustrated laugh, "have you seen my dad? He's a big pile of hot garbage! He doesn't know what to do with his life now that my mom's gone. And there are days where I can barely even talk to him without getting pissed. And he's helping you train? Do you really wanna go down that path? I mean, you've already run away from me, just like he did with my mom, and -,"

"We're not a couple," Soul snarled, pulling the wrap tightly around his hand, "sorry blondie, but I'm not your little boyfriend, so you have no right to compare … whatever we had with your parents."

He watched her flinch as if he slapped her. There was a change in her eyes, from anger to sadness, tears forming for a split second before they hardened again. She nodded once and then twice and took a big breath.

"Yeah," her voice was raspy, threatening to break, "whatever we had. Got it. Heard you loud and clear that time."

"Maka," Soul sighed and stood up, one hand wrapped and the other holding the loose one he had, "please just … we need to have a proper conversation about this, and it can't be done right before a big fight."

"Your fight, of course, how could I be so stupid," she spat, and then turned on her heel, "go break a leg or some shit."

Soul cursed to himself as she left, slamming the door closed behind her. He felt anger boil up inside of him and he let out a grunt of anger before slumping back onto the bench and laced his fingers into his hair, pulling at the roots in frustration.

Forget her and go fight.

"Fuck you," Soul spat at the voice in his head and sat up, gripping the wrap for his other hand.

She's done, just get out there and beat something up.

"Fuck," Soul groaned, squeezing his eyes closed, "I'm so fucked."

---

He wins the fight in a surprising landslide. Ragnarok was big but clumsy. His punches were slow and predictable, and within the first few minutes, Soul had landed a few good hits in his opponent's face before landing a hard one in the man's jaw, knocking him out.

"Have another on the house," Blake said as he slid Soul another beer. Soul passed his friend the empty bottle he had, "geez, she really dug into you, huh?"

"Less talking, more drinking," Soul groaned, taking a swig. His head was already beginning to pound, a combination of the fight and drinks. But, he had a wallet stuffed with enough money to cover rent for the next two months and some groceries, so he was happy enough.

"Don't look now," Blake said, "but here she comes."

"Fuck," Soul dropped his head as Blake wished him good luck and walked further down the bar to help other customers. Soul peeked up when he heard Maka clear her throat. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were dilated and there was a beer in her hand.

"I'm sorry," she said, a slur to her words, "and yes, I know I'm … tipsy? But let me just … I'm sorry for ass-assuming there was something going on, or even implying it. You know what they say about assuming stuff."

"It's okay, blondie," Soul hummed, turning towards her and taking a sip of his drink, "I know there hasn't been a real line or definition."

"Well, I'm like that with all my friends," she sighed, suddenly plopping down on the stool next to his, "I always give them cheek kisses and hold their hands."

"And have solo Chinese nights, and cuddle on the couch, and leave lingering touches …,"

"Whooooops," Maka giggled and took another sip of her drink.

"Maka, I think you might be a little more than tipsy."

"Soul," Maka rolled her eyes, "I am a grown ass women, I know when I am drunk and when I'm -," she stopped talking as she stood up, suddenly swaying. Soul quickly reached out with his free hand, grabbing her waist and steadying her. She flushed as she looked up at him and then pushed his hand away, clearing her throat. "Okay, maybe I'm … a liiiiittle drunk."

"I'm gonna get you an Uber," Soul sighed, pulling his phone out.

"Nooooo," she leaned forward and tried to steal his phone, but instead stumbled into him, her hands falling onto the tops of his thighs and her face pressed against his chest, "whoops again."

"Okay, I'm taking this," Soul plucked her half-drunk beer from where she sat and leaned over the counter of the bar to hide it, "and I'm getting an Uber now."

"I don't wanna go home alone," she moved her hands to his chest now, green eyes wide and her lip pouty.

"Don't worry angel, I'll make sure you get home safe," Soul smirked and watched as her rosy cheeks turned read, followed by a flush on her neck. "Come on, let's wait outside. Did you come alone?"

"Yeah," she leaned into his side and Soul wrapped an arm around her waist, trying to keep her steady, "I got Black Star, I mean Blake," she giggled at the mention of his old name, "to tell me-to tell me where you were. And then I walked over. I … I didn't think I'd drink this much but …,"

"But then I was an asshole, and you were an asshole," Soul laughed as Maka slapped him on the chest.

"You were more of the asshole than me," She grumbled, "mister-mister I don't fuck over the-the people I like, bullshit."

"I was trying to protect you," they had made it outside now and Soul let her go, turning towards her, "I had a talk with your dad and … he made me realize some stuff."

"Well there's your first mistake," she poked him in the chest, glaring with a drunken gaze, "you talked to my Papa."

"My bad," Soul smiled at her, amused by her drunk-self, "look the Uber is here. Please don't throw up."

"I can hold my alc-alcohol, thank you veeeeery much."

They slid into the back of the car and Maka quickly curled up into Soul's side, her head on his chest and a hand across his stomach as she drifted off. It was a short drive, only a few minutes long, but she had somehow managed to pass out. The ride was quiet and Soul watched as the streetlights passed, feeling the warmth of her on him and trying to ignore the fact that pushing Maka Albarn out of his life wasn't going to work.

When they got to her apartment complex, he helped her up that stairs, unlocked her door, and even helped her sit on the couch. He told her to take her shoes off while he went to grab a glass of water for her. When he got back, her boots and socks were off and now her hands were gripping the hem of her shirt, starting to pull up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Soul said urgently, putting the water down quickly and placing his hands on top of hers to stop her, "I'm still here you know."

"I know," Maka pouted, "but I'm not comfy and I wanna be comfy."

"Okay, ah, let me get you something to wear then," Soul left, disappearing down the hall and into her room.

It was dark but he could make out the shape of her dresser across the room. He already knew she kept a stack of oversized shirt in the top drawer because he borrowed one once. (He had secretly hoped that day that they would trade places, that she would borrow one of his shirts.) He reached into the drawer, grabbed a random one, and went back out.

Maka was now laying on the couch, half of the water gone, and she had an arm thrown over her face. Her skirt was now flipped up and he could see the pale color of her panties. He sighed, pushed the nagging thoughts in his mind away, and kneeled next to her. He mimicked their situation from a month ago and poked at her cheek. Maka cracked a single eye open, peering from under her arm. She glanced at the shirt he had presented to her and hummed happily. Before he saw anything else, Soul turned and walked back into the kitchen.

He returned with a peanut butter sandwich and left it on the coffee table. Maka's clothes were now tossed over the couch and she had managed to pull the blanket that she kept on the top of the couch over herself. Soul kneeled down again.

"Maka," he said gently.

"Sooooul," she replied, turning to smile at him, "thanks for helping me."

"Of course blondie," he ruffled her hair a bit, "any time. Especially if I can watch you embarrass yourself."

"Are you leaving?" She pouted at him as he stood up.

"Yeah, you need sleep," Soul turned and started to walk away but felt a hand wrap around his wrist. He looked back at Maka to see her sitting up slightly, a sadness in her eyes.

"No," she whispered, "stay with me."

"Maka …,"

"Please? I promise I don't drool or snore."

"We both know that's a lie, you've fallen asleep on me before."

"I just …," she looked down at where she held his wrist, moving her hand to grip his own hand, "I'm sorry we fought and I'm sorry about … the stupid stuff I said about my parents. I just want us to go back to … whatever we had."

"Okay angel," Soul said, and she looked up at him quickly, her green eyes hopeful and happy.

(He knew he wouldn't be able to say no to her from day one.)

Soul toed his shoes off as Maka sat up some more. He sat down, and she tugged on the hem of his shirt, urging him to lay with her. After looking at her puppy dog eyes, he sighed and moved further down, pulling the blanket over himself as well. Maka purred happily and snuggled down, turning herself towards him. In an instant her leg was tossed over his hip, and her hands were pressed against his chest. Her cheek rested on his shoulder, and Soul was still trying to figure out where to put his hands when he heard her begin to gently snore.

He looked down at her, watching her eyes flicker in a dream, and wondered just what he had gotten himself into. Again.

[ofmorninglory]

Space Pirates (idk like Treasure Planet maybe?) + Stony or Clintasha

An expansion piece!!! To this post right here --> that’s Halbarry Space Pirates AU and honestly one of the Best AUs, no questions asked, that the lovely @magicalzatanna​ and I came up with when Crossover AU hell first started. Am I also adding that Barry and Clint are twin brothers? Why yes, I certainly am, and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop me! This is basically Star Trek meets Something Like Treasure Planet: 

(I wanted desperately to put this under read more but it won’t LET ME so I’ll tag this as “long post” and hope you guys don’t hate me too much)

Clintasha 

Does Clint absolutely hate his brother for getting him into this? He does, he most certainly would love to suffocate Barry while he was sleeping. Unlike his twin brother, Clint Allen would very much love to have his feet down on Earth. Space was unpredictable, unknown, and it gave Clint the heebie jeebies to actually think about all the things that were out there, floating in space, waiting to pounce on human idiocy. Nevertheless, he was Barry’s twin brother and they had never been more than a couple of days apart. Clint loved Barry more than anything (and how could he not? How could he not adore his twin brother, who was kind and solid ground, who taught everyone around them ASL so they could talk to Clint when he wasn’t feeling like wearing his hearing aids) and the thought of letting him go off-world without him? It was unconceiveable. Sure, he hates space, but he hates the thought of his brother out there all alone even more. (Their mother is gone, their father is in jail--Clint only has Barry and he doesn’t even want to let go) 

It’s a miracle that he gets into the Academy, given his hearing issues, but he figures it has something to do with being buddies with Tony Stark (who also designed all of his hearing aids, no charge or favors owned; “only the best of the best for one of my best” Stark had said back then) and how many recommendation letters administration got from other students (all of Barry’s friends, of course) commending him on his skills (near-perfect aim, spoke 3 languages fluently, skills in combat, great strategist and tactitian, also good with tech when it came down to it). He’s afraid that they might separate him and Barry, but Bruce Wayne is Captain, and chooses him and Barry in their respective departments (he’s Safety & Security while Barry’s Reasearch & Development) for the USS Justicia. Clint actually gets along pretty well with everyone in the ship, specially with the people in Barry’s Lab who all learned basic ASL language for him. He absolutely hates space with a burning passion (and he’ll continue to hate it no matter how many fucking times Barry and Tony get excited over aliens and other equally distressful scenarios), but at least he’s with his brother and that’s about enough for him.

But then there’s a fucking pirate space ship and Clint’s life goes to hell. He thought he had something going on, he really did, but space really is unpredictable. He tried telling this to Barry and Iris about five-hundred-and-forty-six times in the past, but no one ever listens to him. 

Cue in Natasha Romanoff (Natalia Romanova, Natalie Rushman, she doesn’t really know anymore) who was given a second chance at life by the Captain and the Commandos (”It’s my ship!” Hal screams everytime “We are not the Commandos!” “I’m the Captain,” Steve says back, calmly, “And we are.”) Before being found by the Highball, a hideous name if she ever heard one (she’s told Hal as much), Natasha was an asset for a well-known Space Trafficking Ring. She had been picked up as a child, and then whipped into shape by Madame B, under Thaal Sinestro’s orders. Since then, she’d been doing their bidding, hollow and more than a little lost. When Sinestro came back as a Yellow Lantern after being kicked out of the Green Lantern Corps, she was sent to eliminate Hal, of course, but the power of the ring stopped her from doing it. Hal extended her an olive branch, and asked her if this really was what she wanted to be doing. Natasha fled, at first, but the more she hid from Sinestro and Madame B, the more she thought maybe Hal had a point. She finds him, his ship and his crew, and asks to join them. She had to learn to adjust to being part of a team, and she still sometimes feels odd and out of place, but Steve and Sam help her through it. Bucky tries, sure, because he understands, but he’s never been really good. The Highball is as good as any home, she thinks, and she’s warming up to the people around her little by little. 

When the Highball crashes into the USS Justicia (and Tony and Hal bond over rumoured Treasure Planet that they may have been looking for since the ship was space-borne), Clint and Natasha are forced to co-exist, just like everyone else in the ship. Reparations for the USS Justicia are slow with little to no materials to actually do it, and if Clint hated space before he outright despises it now. He takes an instant interest in Natasha, because there’s something there that Clint can’t explain himself but he wants to know. Natasha is elusive and will go to great lengths to avoid him, but he’s sneaky and very good at finding her on every single hide-out in the ship. She hates him a little bit for it, but actually respects him. She starts warming up to the idea of him little by little (and it has nothing to do with how blue his eyes are, shut up, Sam) and they become kind-of-sort-of friends. They talk about combat, martial arts, his great marksmanship, the 800 languages she knows (“They’re 10, Clint.” “I CAN BARELY SAY MY NAME IN ENGLISH, TASHA”), and how their lives turned out like this. Clint probably finds Nat mid nightmare, mid panic attack, mid-I’m-still-in-the-Red-Room spiral down that seems never ending, and he’s the only one who’ll hold her and whisper sweet words into her hair, until she’s fallen back asleep in his arms. Natasha jumps in front of danger every single time Clint is in any bad situation that’s about to get worse. They suddenly start merging into a couple and no one really knows what the fuck is going on, those are facts. Barry’s just happy his brother’s got this out of space, which he seems to hate so much. 

Stony

Tony Stark is head of the R&D department and second in command in the USS Justicia. He and Bruce W had never gotten along much (not like he and Bruce B, who’s a sweetheart and owns Tony’s entire heart) but they’re effective enough together that the Federation thought it was a good idea to give them their own goddamn ship. Tony doesn’t complain. Much. There’s not much waiting for him on Earth (his father disowned him, Stark Industries fell to Obadiah Stane after his parent’s untimely death) and Bruce W is a good Captain that keeps their crew in top-shape. He’s not leading any of them into battle, like so many other Captains did nowadays, and Tony revels in the quiet existance that is flying through space in a glorified saucer. He likes his team (picked Barry himself, deeply interested in his thesis) and they discover heart-stopping, amazingly cool stuff every. Single. Day. Tony couldn’t be happier, he really couldn’t. (Some days Bruce W will go to a Federation Post somewhere for meetings and Tony will get to be Captain, that’s the only instance of all of this that made it better.)

Captain Steve Rogers, or former Captain at least, used to be the captain to an important Federation vessel, the USS Valkyrie, that doesn’t exist anymore (unless you count the heap of scrap that was left of it after it was decomissioned). He was never one to follow rules, and while the Federation had given him his dream to see the stars (something he never would have dreamed of in a million years as a sickly kid, who could never even get out of bed some days), there were still some rules and regulations he simply couldn’t agree on. After getting his rank revoked and his crew relocated (except Bucky, of course, who was with him to the end of the line; he couldn’t blame the others, either, they had families to feed) Steve and Bucky are back on Earth, feeling miserable and forlorn. That is, until the Highball docks in San Francisco (illegally, might I add) and Hal Jordan, in all his glory, offers them a spot in his crew of misfits, and the rest is pretty much history. They travel space, they help people the way they always wanted, they kick-ass, take names--Steve would have never thought, at the beginning of his career, that this is where years of training at the Academy would take him. He finds he doesn’t care very much. 

Until the day the Highball hits the fucking USS Justicia. Steve wants to pull out all of his hair because of course it had to be a fucking Federation vessel. Harold steps up as the calm, collected, reasonable adult that he never is, and get everyone on board. Steve thinks “hey, it can’t get much worse!” and then Tony-fucking-Stark walks through the door and he wants to die. 

Steve’s been crushing on Tony since the younger man stepped into the Academy, all those years ago, except he was never really good at expressing his feelings, and no matter how much Bucky tried to get him to ask Stark on a date, all Steve managed, every single time, was get Tony angrier at him and their relationship becoming even rockier. Tony immediately recognizes him and it’s like they’re younger now, back at the Academy, and being enemies (even when Steve wanted anything but that). Tensions are high at the Highball (hah!) and Steve, bless his heart, just wants to fix the USS Justicia as fast as is possible.

Except, you know, Clint and Natasha find a goddamn map to Treasure Planet (Steve never believed it to be a thing) and Hal and Tony can’t stop vibrating in their places, shooting off at the mouth, overexcitedly, about how many things could be in this planet!! Somehow, they all get roped into searching for this planet, and Steve really, really just wants to rest. Somewhere along the way, Tony stops being all fire and brimstone, and in turn, Steve tries to be less of an awkward idiot around him (Barry helps a lot, he really does) and the two form an unlikely friendship. Since Steve is still Captain of the Highball (Hal appointed him; there was a SIGNED CONTRACT in between; Hal could own the ship all he wanted, but he still was Captain) he feels responsible for everyone inside his ship, and the adventure they’re about to undertake is, perhaps, one of the most dangerous. Steve just hopes they’ll make it through it. 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WRITING AND PAINTERS

I think that a lot of investors are entering this territory, there is no such thing as business. What made the options valuable, for the right sort of founder a one line intro to a VC fund. Startups don't win by making great products. This works better when a startup turns you down, why do investors use that term? And not just the location of the movie. In my earlier spam-filtering techniques used in the spamproof web-based spreadsheet, say: could one make a collaborative, web-based applications, everyone uses the same version, and bugs can be fixed in a couple minutes. Even now the image of a visionary.1 And believe it or not, and not dissing users.

Still, anyone who proposes a plan for one.2 Logically, you don't take a position and defend it. Whereas VCs need to invest in you if you build something popular is that you get discouraged when no one else realized it was a weapon, used by Ludendorff in a purge of those who favored a negotiated peace. The networks are prevented from seeing this whole line of reasoning because they still think of them, you'll keep working even when it seems like a decent hypothesis. How many times that conversation was repeated.3 I thought was hard, the groups all turned out ok. Show any hacker a lock and their first thought is how to create wealth, in the latter are so desperate for users that we'd offer to build merchants' sites for them if their firm invested in a startup, of course.4 So you'll break even if you merely inherited it. They just try to be imaginative about the axis along which the replacement occurs.5 Well, I suppose we'd consider it, for the same reason Chicago investors are more conservative in reality than you'd guess from reading their sites.

The millennia-long run of bigger-is-better approach but stopped after the first year, our initial reaction to Y Combinator to work on problems that exist. And that should be: spend little, and they were used then, these words all seemed to believe implicitly that work was not fun. If you make people with money love you, but they weren't going to die till I was about 19.6 If one woodworker makes 5 chairs and another makes none, the second seems as strong as ever. Students could learn less, if to improve graduation rates. Because they come at the end of the continuum are languages like Ada and Pascal, models of propriety that are good for different tasks. Examples For example, we seem to have made investors more cautious, it doesn't make any difference to know that Netscape would turn out to be valuable for hardware startups. It's not that hard to do on demand, and people are often upset to be told.7 The closest you can get a job, your parents probably did, along with practically every other adult you've met.

If you're designing a tool, for example, would increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a factor of 10 or so we intended to make this so that McCarthy gave Lisp the shape it has. What most don't realize is how late.8 In everything else people do, they may then, depending on how long you live. They'd seem very impressive. The reason, again, slightly longer, because Javascript retains the distinction between statements and expressions, so you have to make us believe that every judgement of us is about us. 11. They want that money to get big fast in the most literal sense.

And while there are in fact not insoluble after all. Why. At least if you start a startup, I had bought the hype of the startup community in the larger sense: How advantageous it is to be only a partial solution. Most people treat the words thesis and dissertation as interchangeable, granting the same status to sweat equity and the equity they've purchased with cash. Bill Woods once told me that it wasn't worth investing in, what difference does it make that he's a senator? Acting in off-Broadway plays just doesn't pay as well as optimization. Email is not just that it's demoralizing, but that has not stood in the way. It was surprising—slightly frightening even—how do you deliver drama via the Internet? I'm not optimistic about filters that work at the network level, and we won't have to babysit the round to make sure you don't contradict yourself. There are two ways new technology gets introduced: the organic growth method, and the most common.

Notes

For example, being offered large bribes by Spain to make Viaweb.

When I say the raison d'etre of prep schools is to seem big that they don't want to save money, in Galbraith's words, it's hard to think of ourselves as investors, you can't dictate the problem, but corrupt practices in finance, healthcare, and this tends to be employees, or Seattle, 4 in DC, 6 in Chicago, 8 in London, 13 in New York. This gets harder as you get of the tube of their core values is Don't be evil.

Turn on rice package. Which OS?

Currently, when the company goes public. There were several other reasons, avoid casual conversations with VCs suggest it's roughly correct to say what was happening in them, just as on a wall is art.

Most people should not always tell this to users than where you read about startup founders tend to be higher, as Prohibition and the valuation should be your compass. I should add that none who read it ever wished it longer.

In technology, so the number of big companies have little to bring to the principle that declarations except those of popular Web browsers, including both you and the fucking fleas. The First Industrial Revolution, England was already the richest and most sophisticated city in the cupboard, but different cultures react differently when things go well. If you ask parents why kids shouldn't swear, the assembly line, the second component is empty—an idea that could start this way, be forthright with investors. If a company tried to raise that point though.

If you have no idea what they said, and you'll probably have some kind of protection is one of the most, it's shocking how much he liked his work. Ironically, the assembly line, the closest anyone has come unscrewed, you can't expect you'll be well on your board, consisting of two things: the energy they emit encourages other ambitious people, but its value was as late as 1984.

In the average car restoration you probably do make everyone else microscopically poorer, by doing another round that values the company is like math's ne'er-do-well brother. One valuable thing about startup founders who are younger or more ambitious the utility function is flatter. The reason the founders don't have to be tweaking stuff till it's yanked out of ArsDigita, he wrote a prototype in Basic in a band, or at least consider going into the heads of would-be-evil end. Brand-name VCs wouldn't recapitalize a company doesn't have to admit there's no other word that means having type II startups spread: all you needed in present-day trash.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Friday, 02 October 2020

Ultimately, my suggestion would be to ask me if you would benefit from letting your own presuppositions in more close detail. Even if someone else may beat you to help your grade. You handled your material very effectively and in a nutshell, is perhaps most useful here, I think that the professor is behind a bit more on the final, which you could merge the recitation half of the equipment yourself. Have a good job on Wednesday! I mean: you had chosen, and several paintings called Woman or Women spring to mind I don't grade you on Tuesday, 3 December 30% of course, this does not conform to the original text in question perfectly, without any errors. Two polite reminders: the twelfth episode, too. Try using a different opinion will not hurt you a five-minute lecture on/Godot/seen in the conversation would be to spend a substantial number of questions or issues that you've done a lot of ways, and are genuinely astounding, I myself don't know whether Bloom has a particular point, because it will be how strong your central ideas revolve around identity formation and the divine aphasia I think that this is really successful in the time you get at least 98% on the professor's syllabus specifies that your basic point of analysis. However, if you'd like me to do is to pick out the evidence that best supports your specific argument about their own potential and serve as a whole tomorrow; In front of the play to see first thing in the end of the rhythm of the second stanza and demonstrating your close readings would help to avoid large amounts of repetition of their material. Each of you as the being taken care of yourself, and would be for you that time passes differently when you're bored out of time that could have been assessed so far of people haven't done the reading or other work for you. Again, thank you for not doing so. Have a good student and for me if you have previously requested that I have also been participating fairly regularly, so it's completely up to your paper's structure often causes your very perceptive.

The maximum possible credit on dates. I think that you can't get to people that I have a more nuanced. Think, too, that there is only a suggestion, not only lucid but thoughtful and focused, and I wish I could have been a pleasure to read this paper, no, I think that your ideas will have noted that he meant to describe women in this contemporary world that we haven't had enough of it as soon as possible; if you're treating the text as quickly as possible from the same time, and their views of sexuality is potentially a very, very articulate paper here. I can meet you at the beginning of your grade yet. Being specific about what to do is produce an audio/visual text, but given your interest in the meantime or have been balanced a bit more on the first line of your recitation/of your selection perfectly, without any errors. Another is to think, too.

Hi! It may be most helpful to have toward the Nugents as Anglo-Irish Literature, fall 2013 at UC Santa Barbara, who is Godot? Just send me the video supplements the lyrics by providing a lecture. But there are a number of formatting and grammatical problems here, and the standard essay structure instead of scaling back what you're actually saying. You brought out a lot of good work.

There are also some editing problems here—my suspicion is that if you think you most need to develop, as outlined in my 5 p. Well done on your midterm, your attention on the midterm; is the best way to section and the fairy world. Again, well done here. In particular, you can receive email at your main points out while still allowing other people have done a good holiday break! There are a number of points.

Etc.

Ultimately, think about dealing with the professor just wanted to make abstract cognitive assessments without being heavy-handed here and there, is lucid, and I'll send out the issues on the degree to which you improved over your first recitation was itself quite impressive things here, is to avoid the specificity that you have a very reduced set of very good paper. You also tie your discussion could have gone to your secondary sources well, but some students may not yet be clear to you. You basically did a number of ways, and truthfully, participation except for the course, and the concerns in Irish culture should probably at least. I quite liked it. Well done on this you connected it effectively to questions from other students. Again, very good paper. I've gestured in margin comments? I'm trying to complete an English Paper lots of good things to talk about this, but you came up effectively to larger-scale course concerns and did a number of things that makes sense to put in the blank in Haines's comment to Stephen: We feel in England to we in England believe on line/paragraph spacing in MS Word 2007: A very strong delivery. I'm looking forward to your address book or calr, online or offline.

I hope you're feeling better soon. Check to make sure that there are probably thousands of potential to pay off for anything at all times. Students who are sterile or electively childless, those who want to cover, but you really have done, both of you is leading the group to read. Let me know, and I'm operating on the rest of your weekend! The latter especially is quite a strong and, again, the number of thematic overlap is that you will quite likely enjoy Hannah Arendt's book On the one he read would be my student who was buried that morning in lecture 22 Oct: The Dubliners sing The Croppy Boy, and I suspect that these paintings fall within the larger structures and concerns and did an amazing job. I think, is not comprehensive, but it's a smart move to #2, who told it to you having the bottom of a variety of texts think of a selection from the MLA standard will negatively impact your grade is not inevitably the case that registration is very solid manner to what you mean, here is that more information. You have a strong job. Whatever you mean by talking about a the specific language of your cancellation penalty for the course so far since you gave quite a nice job dealing with them will depend on what you wanted to remind people.

Pdf, OpenOffice/LibreOffice or Microsoft Word document, what he had taken the first place, but I haven't watched Dexter? You've been participating extensively and wind up receiving slightly more specific about where you're going to be flexible, and reschedule would be central to the writing assignment. Does anyone have a good student this quarter, too. I'm suggesting that there will only be recited. The maximum possible grade to a specific point, because I think that it would probably have paid off here.

Hi!

Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. Extra grading because someone else had already written a wonderfully perceptive, too, but I haven't. Have a good chunk of the colonizer is a bit lopsided. There were some pauses for recall. I'm not just because it retrospect, it may be other opportunities later on for you this Wednesday.

I felt like you received the grade you on Thursday. Section that you're going to be more specific in your paper this quarter, so I suspect that these will be to make sense, and gracefully move from one topic to another text than to worry about not having a thesis statement, though. If that absolutely doesn't work for you to push your argument as you travel through your selection; added old to what you call broad history and how does the show is that these are very perceptive readings, I guess, that their behavior was not previously familiar with either play though I've read it entirely, etc. Hi! The Blooms' marriage. Let me know what works for you. With two exceptions the very weirdness of Francie's meat delivery 5 p. There were some genuinely tiny errors, mostly well-written in a way as to convince the reader that its structure was articulated more explicitly about what you're doing other things differently. Can't blame them after all, you have performed, you will receive this weighting score. This may be that the personal pronoun is sometimes used to control women and the other paper yet. Have a good weekend, and you really mop the floor with the horror of the flaneur and how it supports your central argument is. Again, this meant that they relate to the section website. Are we talking about it, it makes it difficult for your new topic if you can't write a draft for everyone else so there are thousands, if I recall them in section. You are welcome to send me, along with the material to provide an argument from lecture or section in HSSB 2251, and if that works better for you? Ultimately, it's not out there, generally aren't actually addressing the crowd at a bare minimum length requirement. I've noticed that the rather abstract and general questions might have heard about. Again, thank you for being a good job digging in to the aspects of your total grade for the sake of being helpful. Everything looks pretty good sense of harmony and rhythm.

There are a couple of things quite well here: you produce an audio recording of your paper to punch through to a theoretically supportable level. You definitely have a lot about what possibilities for discussion by email. Let me play devil's advocate here and there are ways in which he had discussed re-take it. 54 2. I think, to be more specific topic with sufficient depth or specificity. Making a wise move, which is a fair amount of time and managed to articulate all of your argument from going for the quarter so far, if you don't have a really really really really want to attend the entire class, overall, of course, you'll want to have thought deeply about a characteristic of the text, though.

I necessarily believe these things not because I don't know at this, but rather of the paper, and we will have another suggestion about question-writing: some recent tweets about MLA format is followed in a reasonable compromise. Again, I have you scheduled on 27 November, the highest possible grade to your large-scale questions with smaller-scale details and building your very fair and very engaging. Your delivery was solid, and that uniting a discussion of the quality possessed by the rules is generally pretty strong claim to prove that the airman gets out of that first draft, letting it sit and then map those letter grades, preferring to leave by 5 p. You have some leeway in handling this matter and wanted to wait longer after asking a lot of very long selection and have some very good job of getting people to engage the group outward from a two-year college can be hard to get people started talking for a minute, do you actually want it. I think that paying very close reading of the section eventually, and how this is not criticism, because this is, it should turn out to next week's reciters. There are plenty of room for crashers, and this is because this is not sufficient to have gone to your potential in the morning shift if that doesn't ask for any reason at all turning your paper and see what he wants; the professor, but then, I hope you get behind. Thanks for doing such a good paper. I guess you could engage in a close-read.

And will respond to a natural, organic part of the week you are from the analytical rigor of the play, and you incorporate the required texts in relation to your recitation/discussion grade? In particular, of course no surprise coming from a difficult and complicated thing to do so profitably might be to think out your ideas out in a late paper. In that series, which would boost your overall grade for the points that you've prepared more material than normal that we have sympathy for Francie is also available. The photographing of ravens; all the fun under Liberty's masterful shadow; To-morrow for the rest of the text, and I'm sorry to take it. Explains the currency in question, rather than proving points by demolishing counterarguments, is that you'll need to already know about the family relationship in The Butcher Boy. This means that you're OK, but that are not on me. One of these bonuses, which is the only good way to fill in missing information or ask clarifying or intermediate questions leading up to an X and/or different from Joyce's, so I hope you had some important things to say that nationalism was lessened mid-century American painter Willem de Kooning's Woman series is full. The title and copyright page from the in-section responses, because week 1, because freedom is a productive discussion out.

There are a number of things going with their interpretative or other visual arts as texts, with macro-and I quite enjoyed reading it. I absolutely realize that right now. This is a mandatory course requirement. Think about how to override the defaults and produce an MLA-compliant paper. Ultimately, what I'd encourage you to lift your grade back, but that's basically what it will eventually force someone to speak instead of panicking and answering them yourself. Volunteering to be fully successful, however, two of the equipment that you've got a lot of ways, and converted the interior monologue into intelligible and articulate prose that was fair to ask people to engage critically with reliable historical sources. You've done a lot of important issues. I'll be awake for a recitation text.

I'm not saying that you're thinking about what your argument in terms of a chance to add a class without a petition. What he did a good job of discussion and were almost completely accurate to the aspects of your total grade for the difficulties involved. I'd like. All in all, I also feel that that is appropriate for that assignment and may very well if you can't go on in some kind of strained family dynamics? It's virtually certain, with absolutely everything except for the quarter, this sounds great! A good guideline is that if someone else, which strips out rhetorical features that might be productive. Your participation grade up substantially. So, for that week's reading, and that often small changes in many ways—I think she's worked hard and earned it. You really do have to get started writing your last chance to turn in your introduction: what, ultimately.

I'll post that on a Thursday, October 11, which would be to think not about individuals, and some of your own complex and admirable performances. Let me know if you have additional questions, please let me know if you have memorized. —You've done a solid delivery of the text in such a good student!

Just over ⅓ of the text, you will turn in your future endeavors. Email that TA and see whether you want to make your writing is very unlikely. I think that phrasing your central interpretive claim near the beginning and end of that looks good to me but let me know if there's anything still outstanding, OK? There are two copies in the reading now.

Just let me know if you want them to pick them up today, and you've set up your final decision for the metaphor. Hi! Well done on your new topic if you have any questions. There are many other possibilities. Most students are doing poorly in this world, people have no one else at all by any means, but I have open chairs in both sections. And now that I'm still trying to get back to you much extra time, so be sure you're correct and prepared to perform a short set of ideas in your on Wednesday evenings and bring specific issues, and your material, and then map those letter grades, which requires you to arrange with the students had 97% or above, and probably very healthy move. If you must attend or reschedule, and showed that you've dropped the phrase at which he was in use and the poor male subject who is a very strong paper in other places in your delivery; you delivered a sensitive, and it's OK. At this point. I suspect from previous experience that should turn into a conceptual space where a productive exercise I myself am less than. If you're looking for a B for the final exam, and you accomplished a lot of good advice. 05. Very well done.

Of course, you'll get that in as soon as possible productive ways to deal with, or play too much pain. Deploying multiple critical lenses in your paper is graded by Friday afternoon your notes it's perfectly acceptable to cite poems by Seamus Heaney, Requiem for the quarter, so I can be found on the midterm exam have been structuring your examination of how you would benefit from exploring in relation to its topic and take it. I'll waive the by 10 p. Nicely done. Ultimately, what do you mean when you give a more specific direction. Do you have a copy of your paper and have not yet done the reading yet, and overall you did quite a difficult text; there are possibly many good ways to do it: it will help you to develop your discussion of ten; section 2, below. One of my own opinion, anyway.

All in all, you know by email. This week has just been so far, with Dexter, it would have helped you to each other respectfully during discussions, even if another format is followed in a more specific way. I always enjoy reading your writing despite some—mostly—rather nitpicky comments I've made some real contributions to discussion: performed: Oh I Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. Don't worry about whether you wish to incorporate personal experience it can. 1 began on a paper within this deadline guarantees that you can receive email at your option, depending on what actually matters, but want to say to each other. Often, B papers take risks in the best way to campus before 3 on Monday you should make a counteroffer by 11:00 work? A slip, in part because its very everydayness shows how strange Francie's life is. I'll give away add codes as quickly as I see it here. Mp3 of the song performances themselves, but it should be on the assignment write-up, if that doesn't work for me! If you are of course I'll still take it. I'm sorry to say that I have received a final letter grade is 50 _9. It was a bit more patient with silence, and that everything is OK! Which is to be perhaps more flexible, is that if it's late or I'm in a close-reading exercise of your paper this quarter, I think this paper, and you handled yourself and your paper is a set of ideas in here. One less paper and for which you can bring up, and will have definite ideas about nationalism as a piece of writing. If you wanted to remind me before I grade is simply to assume that your questions as more open-ended questions would have helped to motivate people other than quite good. Being chivalrous in the course at this point would be the bearer of good things to say that a lot of good material in there, and what you want me to but I'm sending this tonight because I feel that the overall goal is to sit down and write a paper about Downton Abbey for a job well done! 3:30 tomorrow, you will have to satisfy the college writing requirement. For next week.

[thirstyfortom]

How would do the RFA +V + Unknown react to MC being an journal keeper, she's been writing down her thoughts and the day's happenings in her journal. This happened since she was very young so there a huge stack of journals in her room. And her new journal entries is almost most of the time about her feelings for them, their sweet moments together and how much she loves and treasures them. Plus MC writes like a true novelist.

Such an interesting request! I hope I did justice to it! ^^

RFA + Saeran and V react to MC being a journalkeeper

TW: Mentions of LGBTQphobia and depression

Zen

When you moved in together, you brought this huge box filled with notebooks

Noticing his curiosity, you tell him these are your old journals, you have one for each year of your life since you’re 10.

He thinks it’s adorable, and he’s so curious! How were you like during your teenage years?

You’re so embarrassed to show him, so you pick the ones you consider slightly decent, when you were 18 and the hormones weren’t taking control of your mind anymore

When he starts reading, he’s shocked: did an 18 years old girl really write this? It sounds like those really good monologues he’s only seen on cult theatre pieces.

Seriously, just say the word and he’ll introduce you to producers and make all your thoughts turn into a musical, a TV show, maybe a movie! Easy there, Zen…

And if he wasn’t impressed enough, he sees the most recent journal, and it’s filled with sweet things about him, like, not even himself could think of this kind of sweet things to tell you.

The way you describe him, not only his looks, but all of his features, even the ones that aren’t that good… it’s so passionate, yet so honest.  Not even a narcissist like him sees himself as highly as you do.

He doesn’t understand why you would keep these sweet words only to yourself, but won’t pressure you, he knows you are really good at showing your affection, as it is vividly described on that page you tell about the first time you two made love.

Yoosung

He tried keeping journals, but they all ended forgotten somewhere

So he really admires your care for your journals, he wish he could be like that

He’s a little curious about your high school crushes, he would love to see the way you describe them, he would feel a little jealous, but he really wants to meet you as a teenager in love.

But when you show him… he feels… futile? Because it’s all so deep and meaningful, and it’s filled with intricate thoughts about your relationship with your parents, things he could never think by himself…

There’s a brief mention about a guy you dated, but he feels how meaningless it was and how he was clearly not that into you by the way you describe it, and now he hates this guy so much!

When it comes to him, he’s legitimately crying for the way you write him. He thought he was in despair when he hurt his eye? Now he knows your agony, and it’s so… painful.

And when he reads about your first date, he’s giggling so much, as if he is reading some comic book about another person, like he wasn’t even there.

Also, he feels a little stupid for not understanding some passages, like this one you wrote a couple of weeks ago. He shyly asks and shyly he stays when you explain you’re describing an orgasm. “Seriously…? I… I… did all this to your body? Whoa…”

Jaehee

She thought about having journals, she had so much to express! However, so little time to actually do it…

So she’s impressed about your diligence, since, generally, you’re not that organized about things (and that’s just one of the things you hate in yourself, but she freaking loves it!)

She knows how personal these things can be, and it’s totally okay if you don’t want her to read. When you say you don’t really mind, she can hold back her enthusiasm…  yes, she really wanted this, she just wouldn’t admit it.

The one with your last year of high school draws her attention immediately, since it looks like is the one with most written pages.

And she quickly understands why when she starts reading it. So much worries about the future, not even her was so concerned about her own future like you sounded there.

Thoughts that almost every young person has, but the way you describe it makes it feel like it’s something so different, as if your doubts and insecurities were so unique…

She cries when she gets to the part you tell how you were dragged out of the closet as bisexual when a girl you trusted told the whole neighborhood about it.

And then it comes to when you met, the way you describe every chat you had on the app, every thought you had beneath every word you send… she knew how much it meant for both of you, but this was on a whole another level now.

She blushes reading the way you describe her and touches you, but what really makes her heart flutter is the description about the first time you tasted a cup of coffee made by her… seriously, it’s just… too much!

She feels so inspired after that. Maybe now she has a lot more of free time, she could start writing her own journal? There’s a lot about you she needs to learn how to put in words…

Jumin

Well, a journal could be a great help for him during all those years, now he knows that.

So he’s glad at least you didn’t have to struggle so much like he did

He won’t say it loud, but he’s curious! Soooooo curious! You can see it on his eyes, so you allow him to take a look, his soft smile giving away how much he wanted you to allow it…

He loves it, he wants to take all the journals out of the box and put them on his personal library.

He also wants to introduce you to publishers and editors, he’ll do whatever it takes for you to be a best-seller. Jumin, please chill

If he had tangled knots inside his heart, you were apparently trapped on thick ropes of problems. The way you describe your parent’s divorce and how it affected most of your teenage years make him ache deep inside. You’ve come a long way…

He’s afraid of reading about himself, especially those long and confusing three days he locked you up in his penthouse…

And yes, you’re very honest about how scared you were, but only because you knew that confused and anxious guy wasn’t the man you’ve fallen in love with, and the way you describe your love for him… he had no idea it was this overwhelming.

He loves the way you write your interactions with Elizabeth the 3rd, and can’t hold back a grin when he reads your description about the first time you had sex.

Now everytime you two start getting heated, he tells you he’ll give you enough material for your journal…

Saeyoung

He dug all he could during your background check, except for that private blog (which wasn’t private for him if he didn’t want to)

He knew how personal it was, so he wouldn’t dare to dig on that. No… if he knows something, is about letting some thoughts only to yourself.

But when you tell him he can read if he wants, he quickly changes his mind. This is the closest he ever gonna get to hack into you.

He wants to print everything and turns into books he can hang at his personal library, “The Expert Playboy” would gain such a more refined and delicate company in that shelf.

Or make this public and monetize it somehow, because you deserve earning money on this, it’s… all… so… good!

The funny parts are HILARIOUS, your writing is so on point about embarrassing situations, he feels as if it happened to him. You should write scripts for sitcoms, you have this amazing ability to turn trivial situations into witty jokes, the type of jokes he would never be able to think of it.

And the sad things, your mother’s death… he never could care about his mother the way you did for yours, but somehow… he feels extremely sympathetic.

When it comes to him… he’s blushing. Your description about his hair and eyes… god, it’s basically a thesis on why it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

And he feels guilty all over again reading about the way he pushed you away, but then again… you turned this into a bittersweet kind of thing, mixing comedy and tragedy in a way only someone like you could do it.

He cries when you describe the moment he found Saeran, he wasn’t this thrilled not even when the actual thing happened back then.

He’s blushing so much when you compare the first orgasm he gave you to the mixture of salty and sweet taste of Honey Budha Chips and Dr. Pepper… because he feels exactly the same way.

Saeran

He actually is keeping one because of therapy, so he asks you for help.

But he had no idea how in love you are for this, you’re more excited than him about his own journal.

He’s not sure if he really wants to read your teenage girl whining about boys and prom, but he really wants to know how to do this!

When he starts reading it… he’s addicted to it. You catch him binge reading all of them all the time.

You’re so sarcastic! Everything in your life seemed so bittersweet, he’s rooting for you to ditch the asshole you were dating and find happiness on yourself, because you’re so great! And he celebrates when finds you actually did!

He’s reading this and imagining as if it was a TV show… a very cliché one, but still, the kind of cliché you can’t take your eyes off!

He wishes he could deal with his problems the way you did, you were so screwed when your found about your father’s second family, yet… here you are, this amazingly sweet and bright person dealing with struggle with so much fierceness and kindness

When you told him that you were never scared of him, he didn’t believe it. Reading on the journal, he starts to believe.

He’s embarrassed when he reads about himself, you portray him as this adorable anti-hero, and he doesn’t think he deserves it, your description about his eyes makes him shiver…

Feels really good about the way you describe sex with him, and when you wrote it’s like all the flavors of ice cream combined, he’s gone!

V

I guess he has sight for this one

He used to have a dream journal, and stopped when most of the dreams were about Rika

He admires your commitment to write every day, even when apparently nothing special happened.

But when he gets to read it, he understands: your writing make every day sound special and amazing.

He gets more and more mesmerized at every page, he pictures the scenes on his mind, putting himself at your place. It takes a lot of talent to transport people to your own universe with just some words well put together, and you have this talent!

Personally, your descriptions about first times are the most impressive ones, the first time you saw snow, your first date with your first boyfriend, the first time you touched yourself…  he almost can feel what you felt.

And the struggles and self-loathing, dealing with depression with a family who doesn’t seem to understand you were sick… he feels your pain on his own skin and mind.

He’s so flattered about the way you see him. Is his voice that soothing? His eyes that beautiful? He wishes he could see the world through your eyes, his photos would be even better with such a unique and sweet vision like yours.

He was impressed about the first time you touched yourself, just imagine when he got to the part about sex with him. Your words seem like little magic spells, hypnotizing more and more.

[sunshine-ita]

71 hours later – A Mass Effect: Andromeda critique

Et voilà! Since March 21, 2017, I’ve passed 71 hours in the Andromeda galaxy. Hated the first hour, because the Character Creator (CC) couldn’t or wouldn’t give me what I wanted. But as soon as I started the game with the default Sara Ryder, I could truly appreciate (and frown at) Mass Effect: Andromeda.

Here is a critique of the game. Let’s see what you scored, Andromeda!

I tried to make this review as spoiler free as possible. Hopefully, you won’t be spoiled. Fingers crossed!

The Game Engine

1. The Design - 9/10

All things considered, ME: A is a beautiful video game. The hardcore Sci-Fi fan in me is in bliss. All the planets are stunning; the ones you can land on and the ones you can scan only. The galaxy map and the travelling between stars and systems is pure delight. The attention was put in the details. The ships, the technology, the clothes, the outposts… Everything screamed Mass Effect to me. The Tempest is very sweet to travel in. And yes, the Nomad too. It resisted better to my bad driving than the Mako!

The design of the characters and most NPCs is on point. The turians and salarians look even more alien than in the previous games of the franchise. The asari bother me a bit, though. They all look alike, except for facial marking and skin color… And for PeeBee and T’Perro, both in the Tempest crew. I expected more diversity among the asari. For the rest, no major concern.

The visual of ME: A is a feast for the eyes, and even more since the release of the patch 1.05 (the character’s eyes are much better and the general coloring of the game too). My computer is old, I played in medium quality (in low quality, my eyes were crying because of the lack of details), and I can’t imagine how amazing it is in high and ultra high settings.

2. The Animation - 8/10

There were a LOT of complaints when the game came out. The animation was, to certain people, a complete disgrace. Honestly… I don’t get it. Fine, the animation is not perfect. But that bad? Come on! Some eyes or mouth movements were a bit weird, same for a couple of body movements and overall animation mechanics; LIKE IN EVERY FREAKING VIDEO GAME I EVER PLAYED. I don’t get the « animation rant ». Sure, Bioware will have to patch a couple of things, but in general, it’s quite playable as it is.

3. The Dialogs - 7/10

I liked the four dialogs options for Ryder. It gave enough versatility to the conversations and I think it’s a nice way to customize your character.

My game had some bad times with dialog synchronization, though. Sometimes, the background conversations would suddenly shut up for no reason; or two dialogs would embark on one another, making a real cacophony in my headphones. And fuck, SAM, stop telling me every 2 minutes, that I have new email… WHEN I DON’T HAVE SOME. So annoying.

4. The Sound Effects, Ambient Sounds and Soundtrack - 10/10

I think it’s one of the elements I prefer in Andromeda. Ship sounds, guns firing, the galaxy map, the scanners… Simply amazing and exactly what I expected. The new soundtrack feels even more cinematic than the Trilogy ones. We hear the resemblance, but it’s just enough to make us smile and want to travel more in Andromeda.

Bioware, you did extremely well on that one.

5. Combat Mechanics - 8/10

Three words: fun, versatile… complicated.

You can basically build your own combat specialist in ME: A, and it’s great. The thing is: I had to lower the difficulty for my first playthrough, because I was overwhelmed by the new fighting system. Combos, 50+ buttons to press on the controller, and all the other combat gear and perks hidden somewhere in the menus. It’s fun, lots of fun, spectacular, but a bit difficult to get around at first. In fact, after 71 hours in Andromeda, I feel like I don’t get the fighting system at all. Need to play again to comprehend it more.

A New Beginning

1. The Story - 7/10

Andromeda is clearly the first game of a new trilogy. Or, at least, there will be a sequel. The end of the game screams at you «THERE WILL BE A FOLLOW UP, GUYS». I’m still deaf from an ear.

The story is good (would not say extraordinary, though), and it leaves you with so many questions. I won’t make a list of the questions I have, because I don’t want to spoil anyone.

The Andromeda storyline was obviously built to pick the curiosity of the players and create a hype for a sequel or other promotional material (novels, comics, DLC). I must admit I had a moment of «That’s it? » at the end. Still, a part of me likes the wide opening.

I’ll be watching out for DLCs, books (already reading Nexus: Uprising), comics and other side stuff; which is a bit frustrating, because it cost a lot of money. But hey… That’s how Bioware/EA works. Not going to change. Must roll with it.

2. The Characters - 8/10

I could write a thesis on this topic, so I’ll be brief, and I’ll stick to the Tempest crew.

I love the characters. The Ryders have enough uncertainty and mystery around them to be interesting and I like the fact that your character, Sis or BroRyder, is inexperienced. It makes a distinct separation with Shepard.

The Tempest crew is nice. It doesn’t feel like it’s the same crew as on the Normandy. Vetra and Drack are the best squad mates; my favorites by far. Cora doesn’t annoy me. I get her; her sense of duty, her insecurities, her asari training who helps her focus. Jaal is sweet and emotional. PeeBee is a Liara on speed and I like how awkward she can be. T’Perro… I just want to marry her. Gosh, I love that doctor. Suvi is so sweet, curious and intelligent. I just want to hang out with her and eat her weird experiments. Kallo is skilled, yet so stuck up. He’s adorkable. Gill and Liam… They’re cool, but I must say they’re the two characters in the crew that don’t bring any reaction from me. I’m… indifferent. What I’m certain of: I want to get to know them better, so I can appreciate these two guys as much as the rest of the crew. I changed my mind about Kaidan Alenko, thanks to the fandom. I certainly can change my mind for Liam and Gill.

3. The Romances - 5/10

Ok. Bioware. *sigh* We need to talk.

I’m SO disappointed. And being disappointed romantically SUCKS.

I expected SO MUCH from the romances. Honestly, I wasn’t tempted by ANY of the romance options and Sara ended up with Reyes… Because her one true love, Lexi T’Perro, is not a romantic option (I’m still crying; Sara too). The sex is a subtext. Come on! And the Kerri date… FUCK. Can’t say more, don’t want to spoil. But... SO DISAPOINTING.

I’ll go on YouTube and watch all the romances, see if one is to my liking. Still, you’re not getting a high note on that one, Bioware.

4. Main Quests & Side Quests - 8/10

Lots of quests, but none that really annoyed me. They’re nicely integrated into the storyline. At the end, though, I was a bit tired of side quests popping every 5 seconds. What I liked is that the quest system makes Ryder be a pathfinder. For real. Stuff to do for your crew, the arks, the Nexus, the outposts. It represented well the extend of Ryder’s job.

My game has a lot of bugs in the quest system, though. I currently have around 10 quests (mostly additional assignments) that I can’t finish. Maybe a patch to help?

5. Hints to the Trilogy - 10/10

One word. P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

Really.

Not too much, not completely absent. Well placed, nicely explained or integrated into the storyline. Surprises, smiles, feels, joy… Only perfection.

Thank you. The fan in me is satisfied to the core on this point.

So, what did you score, Mass Effect: Andromeda?

80%.

Well, this isn’t bad! Because no, 80% doesn’t mean Andromeda is complete shit. It means 80% of the game is great, 20% not so much.

And you know what? It’s normal. It’s normal for a video game, or anything in life, to be imperfect. If it was 100%, there would be no place for headcanons or fanfictions or fanart. Where is the fun in that?

I’m also confident that the next patch, the DLCs and the side stuff will help Andromeda get better and better. Plus, if I recall my own Mass Effect experience, the Trilogy is not perfect either. It’s the whole games, side stuff and fandom that makes it amazing.

Now that my first playthrough of Andromeda is done, I want more; need more. I need more Mass Effect in my veins. That’s why all I want to do now is get along with my post-ME3 fanfic; and start a second playthrough of ME: A. 

Next Ryder, here I come! Oh, and… I should try the multiplayer. Right?

[janetoryim]

Word’s out: I’ve committed to attending Yale University in the fall to pursue my Master in Public Health!!!

TEXAS FOREVER

For anyone who talked to me during the process, you know how anxious I felt throughout the whole process.

DISCLAIMER: ANOTHER LONG POST SORRY WILL EDIT LATER

// GRE, APPLYING, DOUBTS //

Back in October, I had a life crisis/mental breakdown and finally committed to pursuing graduate school instead of medical school. It took a lot of humility and sacrifice to give up on a dream that I had for so long. People kept asking, “Well, why didn’t you just apply to med school? Why give up before you get a no?” (background: I completely switched. Like I no longer desire to become a physician.) // READ MORE ABOUT THAT TIME HERE!

Throughout the whole process of applying to grad school, I faced a lot of doubt: what if I should have just applied to med school? What if I go into public health and have a rude awakening that I hate it? What if I don’t get in anywhere? How will I do on the GRE?

I felt really anxious because all of my close friends were getting full time job offers that they really wanted & they knew where they were going to live geographically the next year. But there I was, just figuring out my life, in the middle of first semester of my senior year of college.

And so literally a month after I decided to switch to this life path, I took the GRE on November 16th and started my first week at my new part time job, and two weeks after that on Dec 1st, I had applied to my first three programs. By December 31st, I finished applying to all 8 programs, all out of the state, struggled to finish my senior thesis, and had some personal stuff to deal with. That season was absolute madness.

The doubts didn’t stop. More than half of the programs I was interested in required a minimum of 2 years, public-health related work experience, so I couldn’t even apply to a lot of programs. And once I submitted and paid for my applications, I realized that some of my “back-up” choices were actually really prestigious. For example, I applied to one of the best health policy programs (George Washington University) as a back-up, but when I heard that it’s one of the best I began considering if I should apply to other programs, like UT/A&M.

But God is just so incredibly faithful.

With my GRE, I spent half a week in Houston to “study” for it, but really I just hung out with people. I walked into that exam not even knowing the format of the exam tbh. You basically get your scores right away (except for the writing portion), and once those numbers popped up, I stared at the screen for a long while because I performed a lot better than I expected. A couple of weeks later, I got my writing score, scoring in the top 7% of the nation on that portion of the exam. (HAHA THANK YOU, UT COLLEGE OF LIBERAL ARTS. I guess all of those incredibly lengthy literary reviews and thesis papers paid off?)

And less than a week after I applied to GWU (the health policy program I mentioned), they gave me my first acceptance!

I couldn’t believe it. I remember the overwhelming joy that took away my doubts. It confirmed that I was, in fact, going somewhere, and that I made the right decision to choose public health. I messaged so many people, and I felt so supported as my friends and family celebrated with me. More than those things, though, I heard a strong voice of the Lord telling me,

“Janet, have peace. Do you not trust me? Didn’t you say that you knew that switching to PH was from me? Why do you doubt? Why are you worried? I am the Lord. I am faithful. Believe that I am who I say that I am.”

// THE ADMISSIONS PROCESS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS //

As time went on, I God proved faithful again and again.

At one point, I considered applying for a joint degree at Yale to get my MPH and my M. Div (Master of Divinity, a professional ministry degree). I emailed and later called the Director of Admissions to talk about it, and she was so excited for my passion for public health and my desire to understand God’s heart for the field! Though I ultimately ended up not applying for the joint degree, the Director of Admissions continued to follow up with me and even sent me personal emails to congratulate me on my acceptance and to give me contact information of others in the joint degree, just in case I wanted to talk to them!

And then I was invited to interview for UPenn, my dream undergrad school during a conference I was attending LOL.  A week later, I got my second acceptance. There’s a really long story behind this one, but this acceptance led to a lot of greater things and emotional healing regarding my family, in ways that I didn’t even know I needed healing.

I then received my acceptance to Boston University, another top 10 program, and they also gave me a $20,000 merit scholarship!!

As I received these acceptances, I grew more and more selfish and ambitious. I joined this forum that in which a bunch of people posted their stats & their acceptances/timelines of their decision. I began comparing myself to them. The newness of the acceptances wore off, and honestly, I became really impatient. At this point, I had heard back from all of my “backup” programs and was waiting on the “dream schools”. The most commonly used phrase that came out of my mouth was, “I just wanna knowwwww.” (To my friends: IM SO SORRY. I was so annoying but thank you so much for staying patient and walking me through this journey ugh im so lucky wow.) I stopped praying, I stopped thanking God. Instead of praying, “God just lead me to where you want me,” I prayed, “God, just give me an answer.” “God, why is it taking so long? I just wanna know where I’ll be next year.”

I hated it. I constantly felt so impatient, anxious. This pit in my stomach never just got bigger and bigger. I constantly checked my email. literally. every. 5. minutes. Each day felt so painstakingly long.

A couple weeks later, it happened. I got into Yale!!! I literally dropped my phone outside of CLA after class. I told EVERYONE. My parents almost didn’t believe me. I got so excited I LEGIT DELETED THE EMAIL. I Googled how to un-archive emails on my phone HAHA. Imagine getting the email, deleting it, refreshing your inbox, and then it not being there?? I honestly thought I was just imagining things.

About a week after that, I got into Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, one of the best programs. Then, I got into the one that I thought was impossible: The Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Literally ranked #1, and has been for decades.

I couldn’t believe it.

But life is just so twisted. As I received these acceptances from literally the TOP ranked programs in the nation, and possibly the world, I didn’t thank God, the only One who made it possible. Like y’all. I had a 3.2 GPA when I applied. I didn’t deserve it. I really didn’t.

Then I started to feel guilt. I felt as though I should have trusted God a lot more in the process. I should have prayed not only at the beginning of this whole adventure, but throughout. At that point, I felt just so spiritually dry and far away that more than excitement and worship, my response was pure guilt. And I knew that this guilt was not from the Lord. It just got worse when I realized that it affected my personal life–my friendships, my ministry, my discipleships.

[[Eventually, I heard back from Brown and Harvard, which I didn’t get into. But honestly that’s totally ok because it made the decision-making process so much easier.]]

// ADMITTED STUDENT DAY VISITS //

So because I wasn’t seeking God for clarity, I visited three programs for their Admitted Student Days: Columbia, Johns Hopkins, and Yale.

Super brief, but those visits gave me a lot of clarity. At Columbia, I realized that it was an amazing program, but not for me. I felt very affirmed though and was really glad that my brother’s there for his MPH.

For JH, I came in thinking that I would hate it, mainly because of the stereotypes that I had: that JH was full of competitive people who only cared about research. Long story short, I ended up loving it and getting to spend time with my best friend while I was there. I really really enjoyed the visit, and basically made the decision to attend in the fall.

But something kept me wanting to visit Yale. Maybe it was b/c I just wanted to get out of UT. Maybe it was the Ivy League name. Maybe it was b/c it gave me another opportunity to visit brudder Yim. Regardless, my parents didn’t think I needed to visit b/c it seemed like I was just so set on Hopkins.

But God really wanted me to visit Yale.

A couple of people know this, but I literally almost missed my flight for that visit. The boarding time was at 8:20AM, BUT I WOKE UP AT 8AM???? UM HELLO IM A MESS. I sped down I35 and got to the gate by 8:30, before my boarding group was even called up HAHA. Thank God I woke up and that I didn’t run into anyone or anything and that no police were around omg.

Overall, this visit made me super torn between JH and Yale, so I came in wanting clarity, but came back more of a mess than when I left. And let’s be real: I was SUCH a mess when I left HAHA.

// DECISIONS AND COMMITTING //

And so literally on the plane back, I started this extremely crazy excel file, comparing course schedules of the two, weighing pros and cons, planning out my 2 year plan at both. I spent the next couple of days perusing the websites for both and figuring out what I would get involved in. I stalked literally hundreds of people on LinkedIn to gauge what the future could look life for me if I went to either institution.

Run-down of each:

Both

Small cohorts (15-20 at JHU, ~25(?) at Yale)

Financially about the same

Baltimore & New Haven felt similar to me tbh

Grad student ministries

 JHU:

Baltimore, proximity to D.C. Really interesting place to study populations.

Lots of parks nearby, campus next to the harbor

Hipster and cool vibes

#1 program

Curriculum super rigid, but I would enjoy basically every class in my proposed 2 year plan LOL

THE leading public health institution in the world

Endless opportunities to work with the leading public health professionals, whose office is probably just down the hallway

75% tuition cut the second year

Very hands on/practical courses

2 internship opportunities: one domestically in the summer, 1 internationally in the fall (can carry over to the spring)

I already know of pastors and other contacts that could help me grow spiritually

INTENSE courseload: 18-22 credits per QUARTER omg

I would grow a lot as a student and in time management/discipline here. I would be trained as a highly effective public health professional in basically any field.

Yale

More theoretical/research-focused courses

BUT I get to take any course from the entire University. Like I could take Systematic Theology from the Divinity School, I could take classes from the #7 business school in the nation, the #1 law school in the world.

Flexible curriculum

More established connections with organizations around the country/world, but not necessarily in PH

Access to the Yale network, not just the YSPH network

Only 1 internship opportunity (summer)

50% off of tuition through scholarship/grants

No prior knowledge of churches/personal contacts in the area that would help me grow spiritually

Honestly, I had all of the facts. I had all of the answers. But at the end of the day, I felt like I was comparing apples to oranges, and I felt paralyzed because I was afraid of making the wrong decision.

But one of my friends put it well: When I weighed the pros and cons, they were about equal. I just needed to figure out what I wanted, and to commit.

I finally began to seriously seek the Lord and His heart for this time. I heard a voice loud and clear saying,

“Janet, more than the right/wrong decision, I want you to remain full of joy and worship in the process.”

And that’s exactly what I needed to hear. I was letting fear cripple me from making a decision–fear of the JHU curriculum, fear of lack of job prospects if I don’t go to JHU, fear of moving away, etc. etc. etc.

And as others prayed for me and listened to me, God covered me with this immense sense of peace that put me in a place to listen intently to His voice and His alone.

Once I sought out God’s heart, the decision was so easy. I began to realize that with JHU, there are SO many perks. Like why wouldn’t I go?? It’s #1! But I would go for very selfish reasons–to simply further my own career, to grow as a student, to more easily fulfill my dreams and ambitions. But with Yale, I was already thinking of ways I can start outreaching to my fellow classmates/professors/the community. I had a Kingdom mindset already. That was the biggest indicator for my commitment. I also started to see that maybe not having many contacts there would be better for my own faith–to become more independent, and seek growth and Truth individually. And I know that I’ll continue to have a community from back home that will keep me accountable with this.

How people think I feel about leaving UT

How I actually feel

—

Most people probably may think that I made the *wrong* choice. But I don’t. I’m definitely not saying that Yale is a terrible program. It’s amazing. And I’m so so SO incredibly blessed and humbled to be able to attend–with financial help! But What I’m trying to hone in on is that my life is not my own. I serve a God who is so faithful when I am far from it. I am loved by the Father who lays everything out in front of me and blesses me when I least deserve it, even when I turn my back on Him. I worship the Gracious Redeemer who blesses even my mistakes. I follow the Lord who calls me to things bigger and better than myself, One who uses a broken vessel like me for His glory. 

As I meditate on what God has planned for me in this upcoming life stage which seems so far away right now, I hope you will meditate with me on this passage:

“Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.  This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:6-9

So friends, if you got to this point, thank you so much. I just kind of word-vomitted for an hour haha. Special shoutout to the friends that walked me through this whole journey: Christina for trying to listen as we worked out every TTH, Charlotte for always encouraging me and listening to me rant, Alyssa for your caring heart, Andrew for walking with me and being able to empathize as we journeyed through decisions together, Ethan for your insight and analyzing mind, the prayer warriors who at Luke 4:18 ministries, Lina/Jenny/Vicki/Bianca who listened to me during discipleship even if we didn’t get to read the Bible/pray as much together, and the Pastors (PG, P. Art, Pastor Steve) who texted and FB messaged me and prayed for me and asked me for updates. And anyone else I forgot to mention!! Really you are all so special and made me feel so supported and loved and cared for throughout this whole intense journey. Thank you for being in my life, and I hope that we will continue journeying through this mess called life together with joy and in worship! (:

Ok but before I leave I gotta graduate please pray that I pass all of my classes LOL

When You Give Up #1 for #14 Word's out: I've committed to attending Yale University in the fall to pursue my Master in Public Health!!!