#you are never safe from a random tangent

[crisismoth]

what if the world was ending and nobody knew what to do and we decided to stick together but then the moon is getting bigger and we are running out of time and will this really work and we both changed our minds and abandoned each other to try something else and in the end did it really matter because it was all a simulation but it felt so real. what then.

[cheoliehansolie]

Lip Balm

Summary: You and Seungcheol spend the day together in your apartment and he notices your not so subtle obsession with lip balm.

Word Count: ~1.7 k

Pairing: gn reader x Seungcheol

Warnings: none, but just know that lip balm is written a total of 22 times 🫠

an: If you like reading this, make sure to reblog! If you have any suggestions or you just want to talk, send me an ask 💕

To read more, check out my masterlist

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You and Seungcheol had been dating for a few months and one thing Seungcheol noticed about you is the fact that you kept lip balm with you at all times. He had grown accustomed to seeing you pull lip balm out of your backpack during lectures or while you were studying at the library. It seemed as though there was never a moment where you weren’t wearing lip balm.

The first time he noticed was when the two of you were sitting next to each other during class taking notes. He saw you rummaging through your backpack out of the corner of his eye. Distracted, he turned to look at what you were doing and he saw you applying lip balm to your soft, plush lips. It’s safe to say that for the rest of the lecture, Seungcheol was barely paying attention to the professor, instead choosing to take not so subtle glances at your lips every few minutes.

When you and Seungcheol went on your first date, he had taken you to a cafe on campus. The two of you had been friends for a few weeks before he asked you out, so he knew there wouldn’t be any awkward small talk, but Jeonghan had convinced him to do something simple and short for the first date just in case.

The two of you had finished your drinks and pastries but were having too much fun talking to each other to leave. Seungcheol was going on a tangent about how his roommates, Jeonghan and Joshua, were constantly teaming up to terrorize him. While nodding your head to show him you were listening, you opened your purse and grabbed your lip balm. You returned your gaze to your date and, while maintaining eye contact, applied lip balm to your lips.

It took every ounce of self control for Seungcheol to not lean across the table separating the two of you and place a kiss on your lips when you finished rubbing your lips together. 

Fast forward to today when Seungcheol came over to your apartment for the first time. Normally the two of you would go to Seungcheol’s place after classes since It's closer to campus, but since today’s a Friday Seungcheol decided to sleep over at your place. 

You and Seungcheol are cuddling on your couch watching a movie when Seungcheol loosens his grip around your shoulder and scoots away from you. You pout at him when you realize he’s trying to get up.

“Baby, don’t look at me like that. I’m just getting a glass of water and I’ll be right back.” he pouts back at you.

“Fine, but you better be back quickly.” you say as you untangle your limbs from him to let him get up.

Seungcheol can’t help but lean over and give you a quick kiss on your still pouting lips. You just look so cute sitting there looking up at him through your lashes with the cutest pout on your lips. The two of you can’t help it when you break away from the kiss and give each other the most love struck smiles.

Seungcheol makes his way to your kitchen and he wanders around, opening random cabinets to find where you keep the glasses. Could he ask you where you kept the glasses and would you immediately come help him find where they are? Yes, but you looked so comfy wrapped up in your blanket on the couch and Seungcheol couldn’t bring himself to ask. 

Luckily, he was able to locate the glasses on his second try and quickly poured himself a drink so he could return to the warm embrace of your arms as soon as possible. While he was chugging his water, he noticed a small pink tube on the corner of your kitchen counter. He sets his glass in the sink and looks closer at the small tube and he realizes it’s a tube of lip balm. 

Seungcheol slowly makes his way back to the living room where you’re (not) patiently waiting for him. He sees you returning a small tube, similar to the one he saw in the kitchen except this one cream in color, to the end table next to you. 

He smiles when you two are snuggled together on the couch again and the movie continues playing. He begins to wonder why you have random tubes of lip balm scattered around your apartment and he makes a mental tally of how many he’s seen thus far. Even if they don’t mean anything, it’ll be fun to tease you about your lip balm obsession.

–

A few hours later, you and Seungcheol are getting ready for bed. The two of you had spent the rest of the evening snuggling while watching movies, getting a few assignments done, and eating snacks together. Now you were in your bathroom doing your skin care while Seungcheol waits for you in bed, teeth brushed and ready to spend the rest of the night snuggling while you show him TikToks that you had bookmarked to show him tonight.

Seungcheol’s alone with his thoughts while he waits for you to join him in bed, and he starts reviewing how many tubes of lip balm he saw scattered around your apartment. It was honestly like a fun scavenger hunt for him to be able to see where you’ve placed them. He saw the one on your kitchen counter and the one on your end table while you were watching the movie, he saw one on your desk when the two of you decided to be at least a little productive and get some work done, he saw one in your medicine cabinet behind your mirror in the bathroom, and there’s one on your night stand. 

That makes for a total of five tubes of lip balm placed in seemingly random places around your pretty small apartment. Not to mention the lip balms he knows you have in your backpack and all of your purses. By the time Seungcheol finishes tallying all the lip balms around your apartment, you emerge from the bathroom ready for bed. 

While you get situated on your side of the bed, Seungcheol decides that now would be a good time to ask you about your lip balm obsession.

“Babe, I have a random question.” he says, waiting for you to acknowledge him while you get comfy under the blanket.

“What’s your question, Cheolie?” you ask, looking sweetly into his eyes.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you have tubes of lip balm in random places around your apartment. Is there a reason, or are you just so obsessed with lip balm that they’re part of your decor now?” he asks jokingly.

“Oh, those? I put them there so I can use them whenever I want. I like having lip balm on my lips so I don’t pick at the dry skin on my lips. It’s something I do when I’m anxious, but if I have hydrated lips, there’s nothing to pick at. Plus, even if I do have dry lips, I hate touching my lips when they have product on them.” 

“Why don’t you just put one in your pocket instead of having five around the house?”

“First of all, bold of you to assume my clothes have pockets deep enough to fit a tube of lip balm, that is if they have pockets in general. Second of all, I’m more likely to lose it if I take it everywhere with me. Knowing me I would leave it on a random table or it would fall out of my pocket and I would have no idea where it went.”

“You actually put a lot of thought into this. I thought you just kept them there for no reason.”

“Well, I just put them in places where I know I’ll want to use lip balm. But it’s also kinda for fun because I like the way they smell and I’ve been consistently wearing lip balm for so long now that it feels weird to not have anything on my lips.” you say.

Seungcheol smiles to himself as he listens to you explain. He loves listening to you talk, and he could listen to your voice for hours. But a sudden thought comes to his head and he smirks to himself as he himself is astounded by his brilliance.

“What flavor is the lip balm you’re wearing now? Can I try it?” he asks completely innocently where you don’t even realize what he’s planning.

“Yeah, I think it’s strawberry? Or maybe it’s cherry? I can’t tell. Here, let me grab it for you.” you say as you're about to turn to reach over to your nightstand to grab the lip balm that lives there.

Before you can turn your face away from Seungcheol, he grabs your arm and says, “It’s fine, I’d rather take it from here.”

Before you can fully process what he means, you feel his lips on yours and your stomach erupts with butterflies. This isn’t the first time that you’ve kissed, but you definitely were not expecting him to kiss you at this moment. His lips are soft against your own and the kiss is gentle. 

A few seconds later, you pull away from each other and Seungcheol says, “Definitely cherry.”

You feel heat rush to your face as you’re shy and flustered by his actions. Seungcheol laughs at your flustered state and you can’t help but reach over and smack him in the arm.

“What? You’re so cute when you get shy. Besides, you’re the one who said you like having things on your lips, so why not mine?” Seungcheol says, offended that you would hit your loving boyfriend who would do anything for you.

“Whatever.” you grumble as you try to calm your racing heart.

“I know you love me!” Seungcheol exclaims as he drapes his body over you, almost squishing you into a pancake.

You can’t help but laugh at his antics as you struggle under him.

“Yeah, you’re right. I do love you.” you say as the two of you burst into a fit of laughter.

[wordy-little-witch]

Incorrect quotes bc I need some dopamine-

It's long and this is a mix of shit I've heard in my life, random scenes my brain conjures up, and the result of a ridiculous amount of cold medicine.

Roger pirates edition!!!!

Roger: hey buglet, what have you got there?

Buggy: a bomb! :o3

Roger: .... ah. Seems like something a responsible parent would never let their child play with.

Buggy: :o(

Roger: good thing I'm a captain!

Buggy: :oD

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: Bugs?

Buggy: what?

Shanks: would you love me if I was a worm?

Buggy: .... hmmm....

Shanks: you have to think about it?!??

Buggy: well duh! We're pirates! We're on a pirate ship, dumbass! How would I keep a worm alive, let alone happy and safe, on a pirate ship?? Not to mention all the different species of worms! What kind of worm would you be?? What kind of care would you need? It's a big question- *goes on a tangent about worms, worm care, and is slowly working himself into a panic*

Shanks, who just heard a landlocked girl ask her boyfriend it and wanted to ask buggy bc he thought it would annoy him: .... a h

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: .... what do you have there, Captain?

Roger, holding a baby in a treasure chest and another, smaller baby in his sash: an ADVENTURE!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Gabban, trying to teach the kids their numbers: one~ twoo~ threeee~

Shanks: t'wee!!!

Gabban: right! And what comes after three? Do you know, Buggy?

Buggy, with the confidence of a pirate toddler: FUCK!!

Gabban:

Rayleigh, appearing out of thin air, menacing smile in place: :)

Gabban: :/

Buggy and Shanks: :D fuck fuck fuck!!!

Rayleigh: remind me to kill Roger later, please.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocus: alright boys. Let's work on that math, okay? So, Bug, if you had seven treasure chests-

Buggy: yesss!!!

Crocus: focus! Seven treasure chests. Now Shanks asks for three of them. How many treasure chests would you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: no, Shanks asked for three of them.

Shanks: it's okay, Buggy, you can keep your treasure!

Crocus: no- I- okay, Buggy has seven chests. I ask for three of them. How many do you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: okay, I'm not asking, I am taking the three treasure chests by force. How many do you have now.

Buggy: seven and a corpse.

Crocus: .....

Shanks: ......

Buggy: ......

Crocus: ................ is this why Rayleigh made math time my job

Buggy: probably. I bit him last time.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: Roger! I never expected you to take on children! Taking a page from my book, are you?

Roger: something like that hahaha! Eddie, meet my brats! This redhead here is Shanks, he's a tough little cookie.

Shanks: hi!!

Roger: and the bluebelle here is Buggy. He's my little cupcake!!

Whitebeard: aw, because he's small and sweet?

Roger, smiling widely: no, because cupcakes can easily contain many varieties of mortal harm, I have learned, and he is small, cute and deadly.

Buggy, pouting: it was one time!!

Roger: three times, and that's not counting that one time with Garp and the arsenic

Buggy: >:o/

Whitebeard:

The Whitebeard pirates:

Roger: isn't he the cutest??

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marco: GET YOUR FUCKIN CLOWN-

Shanks: he don't bite

Marco, trying desperately to shake Buggy off of his leg: YES HE DO, HELP-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, 3 years old, slams his sippy cup onto the table top: I need a dwink.

Sunbell, trying not to laugh: aw, what's up, little man?

Buggy: S'anks is twyin' my patience. Gimme da good stuffs.

Sunbell: okay. Apple juice or-

Buggy: wum.

Sunbell:

Buggy:

Sunbell: baby bug, rum is for grown ups. How about some milk?

Buggy: no. Papa Rayray has wum when cap'in is being extra dumb. And S'anks is being extra EXTRA dumb ri' now. I need wum.

Sunbell: ...... alright then-

((He does not in face give Buggy rum, but he DOES make a point of saving a small rum bottle to fill with cranberry juice for future reference.))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: hey, buddy, what's wrong?

Buggy: I have a headache that comes and goes.

Ray: aw, here, let's go to Crocus-

Shanks: hi, Buggy!!

Buggy: there it is.

Rayleigh: ..... yeah Crocus can't help with that.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, laying on the deck at 3 in the morning:

Roger: bugababy, what are you doing up?

Buggy: what is the point of life, if not only to suffer? What is the purpose of being here if it's all a cyclical preordained destiny of agony and heartache? Why would the Spirits see fit to put us into this hellscape if not for their own sick amusement-?

Roger: Buggy, is this because Shanks ate your gummy worms?

Buggy: that red haired fucker knew they were mine-!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: hey, Captain? How does one confess their undying love to someone?

Roger: just because I'm with Rouge doesn't mean I know how it happened, son.

MEANWHILE

Buggy: hey, mom?

Rouge: yes, ma fleur?

Buggy: I think Shanks is in love with me.

Rouge: neat. Do you love him too?

Buggy: unfortunately.

Rouge: nice.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I didn't choose parent life. Parent life came to me, mid-drink, in the form of an unhinged adult man, and then expanded further with the addition of two tiny humans.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Roger, with Shanks in a front facing baby carrier: you know what's cute than one baby?

Random pirate enemy, trying to figure out why this man showed up to a fight with a baby:

Roger, turning to show Buggy in a carrier on his back: two babies!!!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy @ Garp: were it not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.

Gabban:

Shanks:

Rayleigh:

Roger: I mean.... we're pirates, so laws-

Garp, sweating, who just set down a draw 4 in Oro Uno: No, kid's right, gotta listen to the law

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I have no fear

Shanks, pale and shaking: Buggy hasn't slept in two days he's making bombs

Rayleigh: I have several fears.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sengoku: Garp, you've been acting strange ever since you came back from your last excursion.

Garp: no i haven't.

Sengoku: you just leveled a circus tent after seeing a bunch of clowns.

Garp, having flashbacks to being bitten by a tiny clown, thousand yard stare: their joyful levity is a lie

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: if I had a nickel for every time I had a traumatic experience on this damn crew, I'd have enough to pay for my therapy bills.

Shanks: if I had a nickel for every traumatizing experience I had here, I'd have enough to pay for my drinking problem.

Gabban, looking at the 11 year olds: .... maybe pirates aren't built for being parents.......

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: I fear no man.

Also Whitebeard, thinking on that first time he interacted with Buggy one on one: but that thing..... it scares me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

BONUS CROSS GUILD CONTENT

Buggy: it's hard being Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl, but a bitch makes due

Crocodile: how did you survive this far

Buggy: I may have had rabies

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Mihawk: why does Shanks huddle in a corner when someone plays circus music

Buggy: bullseyes are red.

Mihawk: what does that have to do with-

Buggy: throws a knife and hits dead center of an apple, some unknown source playing circus music in the background

Mihawk:

Buggy:

Mihawk: this explain so much and yet so little

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile: have you been sneaking money

Buggy: I would love to do that, but unfortunately the clap of my big dumpy cheeks would alert you to my hiding place.

Mihawk, fighting a migraine: do you ever think before you speak

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: hey, want a card reading?

Crocodile: a what

Mihawk: you read cards?

Buggy, laying a card down: oh, look it's a Caterpie.

Croc+Hawk:

Buggy: I means you're a douchebag.

((Buggy does in fact read tarot cards, smth he and Mihawk eventually bond over))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, after almost dying part 2847164917: no mister reaper we have to stop meeting like this....

The guy who just shot him with seastone: what the fu-

[juyeonszn]

REFLECTIONS

PAIRING jacob bae x f!reader

WORD COUNT 2.07k

GENRES smut lol

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, fawn writing about jacob bae yet again but i swear this time was necessary!!!, porn without plot but also if u squint there’s a little bit of plot, roommates/best friends with mutual pining, i mixed so many tropes in here tbh, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (pls be safe), mirror sex, soft? dom!jacob, lmk if i missed anything!

SUMMARY the two times jacob bae derails your saturday night plans.

MORE FAWNTOBER DAY 2 IS A GOOOOO 😈 i’m actually doing pretty well timing wise and as far as im concerned, i’ll actually pull this thing off 😭 anyways.. enjoy!! pls remember to reblog if u liked what u read! and stay tuned for the rest of the fics coming out this month <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If it were up to you, you would just stay home for the evening. You’d kick your feet up into the ottoman and put on a random movie, latched onto Jacob’s side like a little leech. You were lucky your roommate was just as much of a cuddler as you were. It’d be kind of awkward if he wasn’t.

Unfortunately, your Saturday night plans would have to be postponed.

“It’s gonna be fun, N/N, I promise,” he tries to convince you, hands clasped together. “Sangyeon even said he’d pay your tab.”

“But I’m tired, Cobie,” you pout, knowing full well that your puppy dog eyes would always be his weakness, even if he’d never admit it to himself. “I don’t wanna go out tonight.”

He must’ve really been looking forward to going out and meeting up with the guys if not even your guilt-tripping face worked on him. He goes off on a tangent about how you always stay in, and despite loving that to an extent, sometimes he wants to enjoy a night out. You were still confused as to why he didn’t just go by himself. Why did he have to bring you along with him?

It’s not like you were dating or anything. You were just roommates. Really close roommates. Roommates who cuddled every other night. Roommates who often found themselves sleeping in the other’s bed rather than their own. Roommates who were so undeniably attracted to each other but masked it by pretending they weren’t.

Couldn’t you have been sucked into a different trope?

“I just think you’re not giving the idea enough credit,” he raises his hands in surrender. “Besides, wouldn’t you feel left out? Wouldn’t you get major FOMO?”

You sigh. He had a point. Even if you didn’t really want to go clubbing, knowing all of your friends were there without you would make you sad. Imposter syndrome came way too easily for you. “Fine, I guess I’ll go.”

Jacob fist bumps the air, dragging you from the couch to your bedroom so you could start getting ready. He knows you take a while and the arranged meet up time was two hours from the current time. You move as quickly as you can, because even if you were only interested half heartedly, you didn’t want to be late. Especially because Jacob had a knack for constantly being punctual.

You kiss your teeth as you stare at your closet after you’ve finished showering and doing your hair and makeup. You felt like there was nothing good enough to wear. This wasn’t just a bar that you usually frequented, so you couldn’t dress casually. But it also wasn’t so fancy that you had to go over the top either. And for some reason, none of your clothes could fall into the perfect in-between category.

There was one dress.

You hadn’t worn it in a while, mostly because you never found the occasion to and it brought bad memories. It was a confidence booster, that was for sure. A tight black dress that stopped just below your ass and showed the perfect amount of cleavage. The moment you put it on, it’s like you’re a new person.

Staring back at you is someone you haven’t seen in a couple years, someone you shoved into the recesses of your subconscious. She used to party every night until she was black out drunk, making out and sleeping with random strangers until she was satisfied. She was stuck in a loop until she became friends with Jacob Bae, eventually moving in to get away from that lifestyle.

You never tell him how grateful you are. Part of you wishes to keep your past buried, hidden from the light of day so you never have to face your mistakes again. But at the same time, you could never tell him thank you enough. For saving you in a way, for helping you close that chapter of your life.

There’s a knock at your door, and you call out a “Come in” before your brain catches up with you. You make eye contact with Jacob in the mirror, watching his expression shift slightly. It wouldn’t have been noticeable if you were anyone else, but you knew him almost as well as you knew yourself. Maybe better.

He walks up behind you, brushing your hair behind your shoulder with a featherlight touch. “I haven’t seen this one on you in a long time.”

He’s so close to you, it’s kind of driving you crazy. You bite the inside of your lip, trying to keep your voice steady. “Should I wear it?”

His fingers start at your waist, trailing down to the hem of your dress. His knuckles skim across the bare skin of your exposed thigh, provoking your body to shudder. “Hmm, I’m not too sure,” Jacob rests his chin on your shoulder, looking at you through the mirror. “Seeing you in this is making me rethink going out tonight. Kinda wanna keep you here, all to myself, like that night at Hyunjae’s party.”

Okay, so perhaps you might’ve skipped a tiny detail in the retelling of your first encounter with Jacob Bae.

The reason you two became friends was because he actually happened to be one of those random strangers you slept with. It was a stroke of luck that you kept in contact with him after that night, considering he was supposed to be nothing more than a nameless face. But he was cute and he was funny, so when he asked to hang out a few days later you couldn’t help but cave in.

“Jacob…” You breathe, chest rising and falling rapidly. “D-Don’t you wanna see the boys?”

His lips press to the juncture between your neck and collarbone, a soft kiss that already packs your head with cotton. He hums into your skin, hands bunching up your dress around your hips. Someone was impatient. “Not important. We can reschedule.”

You didn’t want to reschedule. You wanted to get out of this apartment, fully clothed, with an excuse to ignore the hammering of your heart in your rib cage and the fluttering down there. If you stayed here any longer, Jacob would successfully charm his way into your pants. (Dress?) And you didn’t want to think about the consequences that may come with.

But it’s not like he gives you much of a choice, invading your headspace with every nip and suck of your jugular and jaw. His slender fingers run a line down the front of your panties, a small groan leaving the back of his throat when he feels how wet you are for him. With heavy eyelids, you watch the entire thing in the mirror, lips parting with a gasp at the sight.

“Fuck, baby,” he curses in your ear, pulling you backward so the two of you are sitting on the edge of your bed, still facing your mirror. “You want me just as bad don’t you?”

You whine, squirming as he dips his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, collecting your slick and smearing it all over your lower lips. He helps you shimmy out of your panties and dress, leaving you completely nude for him. His fingers resume their previous activities, easily pumping the ring and middle digits in and out of your cunt. His free hand grips your jaw, forcing you to keep your eyes on his movements.

“Cobie,” you whimper, spreading your legs wider to give both of you a better view. “Feels so good…”

His thumb circles your clit, mouth beside your ear to whisper all the filthy things he wants to do to you. Your toes curl at the same time his fingers do, brushing that sweet spot in your pussy. A strangled moan escapes you as you hit your climax, walls tightening around his fingers and back arching into his chest.

“That was so hot. You did so well for me,” he praises, thumb rubbing lazy patterns into your clit to bring you back down. “I just need you to do that on my cock. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Mhm,” you nod, hands reaching behind yourself to free him from his jeans, fumbling with the button and zipper in your haste. “Need you inside of me already.”

You hope Jacob doesn’t have high expectations for you since you came so quickly with just his fingers. You’re not sure if he’s anticipating you to last longer with his cock. From what you remember, he wasn’t the longest, but he was definitely the thickest, and that’s what scared you the most. You were afraid of how full he’d make you feel.

Once the clothes from his bottom half are removed, you risk a glance at his dick in the mirror, your pussy clenching around nothing. Despite not knowing if you’d be able to take him without turning into a blubbering mess, you really wanted to try. You wanted him to fill you up like a plug in a bathtub drain.

He takes his girth in one hand, sliding his dick through your folds languidly, lubricating himself with the wetness of your cunt. He groans in your ear again, squeezing your hip to steel himself. “You ready for me?”

Your head bobs up and down quickly, patience wearing thin. He chuckles before impaling you on his cock, both of you moaning from the feeling of one another. The stretch burns, but it’s fucking heavenly, your pussy feeling so stuffed you can barely think. (Not that your thoughts were coherent beforehand anyway.)

“You’re— oh god, Jacob— you’re s-so deep,” you mewl, hands supporting yourself on his thighs. “I feel so full.”

He keeps his grip on your waist, fucking up into you as slowly as he can as to not disrupt your adjustment to his cock. Your head lolls back onto his shoulder, lips parted with a gasp every time he thrusts into your tight pussy. He shakes his head, urging you to stay upright.

“I need you to keep your eyes on the mirror, baby. Watch me fuck you until you can’t take it anymore.” Jacob commands, voice as deep as his dick inside of you.

You comply, hooded eyes nearly rolling to the back of your head when you take in the sight of him bouncing you on his cock. Your nails dig into his skin, lip splitting from the force in which you’re biting it. He looks so hot, focused on getting you both to that peak you desperately need to reach.

It’s such a stark contrast to the sweet Jacob Bae you’re used to, this one pounding into you without mercy, eyebrows knitted together in concentration. That first time you had sex, years ago, was pretty vanilla thanks to you both having a little too much to drink that night. You don’t even think you remembered most of it. Had you known he was such a freak, maybe you wouldn’t have pretended your attraction to him was nonexistent. Maybe this would’ve happened a lot sooner.

You don’t dwell on that regret much longer, Jacob yanking your attention back in by rubbing your clit with his middle finger. The amount of overstimulation fogs your vision, voluminous, pornographic level moans reverberating around the room. The words bubbling past your lips don’t make any sense, reduced to babbling until an encouragement is uttered into your ear.

“Cum on my cock, sweetheart,”

A cry is ripped from your vocal cords, your body writhing above him and continuing even after he’s orgasmed inside of you, fucking his cum into your cunt as he calms you down. You whimper when he grasps your jaw once more, egging you on to stare at the mixture of your cum running down your legs.

You both look absolutely feral, skin sticky with sweat and chests heaving up and down as if you’d ran a marathon. Jacob makes no move to pull out, leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, back and shoulders. Your eyes flutter shut as a wave of exhaustion rushes over you.

“I think you’re pretty close to succeeding in your mission,” you say hoarsely. “I can hardly function right now.”

He laughs, such a melodic sound it almost doesn’t belong in your current setting. “Yeah? Do you wanna help me pass it?”

And in spite of being on the brink of passing out, who are you to deny such a promising offer?

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[smokescreenimusprime]

I wonder what Smokescreen and Predaking have planned in the Ghost of Darkmount AU 👀

w e l l :333

after Smokescreen talked Predaking down from just going on a murderous rampage, they realized that this was something that was going to require almost foolproof planning because to ensure the Predacons survival they essentially needed to take out all of Decepticon High Command, something the Autobots have been trying and failing to do for millennia

technically they could've just rescued the other clones and gone into hiding on Earth. After all, Airachnid was able to safely do it with the Insecticons, and she had significantly more numbers. This was actually one of the first ideas Smokescreen threw around

Predaking of course was... well, pretty against it, to say the least, and even with his pre established respect for Smokescreen, he was still angry about it. The idea of having to live hidden like pests instead of proudly and comfortably as a group... yeah, in his eyes its completely out of the question

it takes a lot of debating and even some arguing, but they eventually manage to reach a middle ground:

First, as talked about a WAY long time ago, faking the Predacon's deaths with the Cons actual attempt to kill them. And as first steps go, it was a V E R Y stressful start that would not at all get any easier-

Second is actually taking care of the Predacons and "raising" them so to speak. Teaching them the basics of their situation, letting them form opinions and identities and learn how to transform and all. They alternate shifts whenever possible, and thanks to Smokescreen's previous hacking of the Groundbridge network, portals opening at random is an occurrence nobody really bats an eye. Smokescreen is of course the one who visits most often by simple virtue of being the less missed of the two, but Predaking does try to visit whenever he can

and like... quick side tangent, but I can't stop thinking about it. Predaking loving his kin and subjects more than life itself, being proud of them and wanting to give them a life deserving of them. He wants them to be safe, but also strong, and he will never allow them to be humiliated like he had been at Starscream's hands

but at the same time, Predaking only knowing Shockwave's disconnected and detached form of care as a prized experiment, and Megatron's approval but as one would approve of a hunting dog, and Starscream's punishments laced with flaming vitriol and poisonous insults. He doesn't know how to show genuine care or how to raise someone in a healthy way

All he knows is that you must be strong enough to intimidate and inflict pain, lest you be the one on the receiving end

and in the end, that's part of the reason Smokescreen is so weirdly fascinating to him. Because he uses deception and psychological manipulation, sticking to the shadows to accomplish his goals, and yet even though he's never seen his reputation is one of the most feared aboard the Nemesis right next to Megatron himself

He continually gives Predaking things he's never experienced before: Kindness. Companionship. Patience. Decency.

Predaking and Smokescreen butt heads and argue often about the care of the Predacons and the "right" way to teach them. Predaking teaches them combat, ruthlessness, but also to stand their ground and never bow their heads to anyone as though they were lesser. Smokescreen listens to their hopes and woes, offers comfort and advice and teaches them games and stories to pass the time

both of their ways are flawed, but that doesn't make either of them wrong, not completely. While Smokescreen may be teaching them how to live, Predaking, for all his problems, is teaching them how to survive this war

And then comes the third part of their plan: taking the Nemesis. Kill as much of high command as possible, but the most important goal was to take the warship, and it's databases, for their own

they'd planned to get the Autobots involved, after all it was only fair...

but uh. Then Ratchet gets captured to recreate the Omega Lock, and you could say things changed a bit from there

[xerith-42]

Glenda

Remember Glenda? No you don't, only I do because The Tragedy of Cadenza Zvahl haunts me in my every waking moment.

Here's an entire essay about a character who shows up in a grand total of... I think 5 episodes? And yet she has one of the greatest and most forgotten impacts on the narrative.

For those of you who need a quick refresher, Glenda is Hayden's head guard in Meteli, first introduced in episode 26 of the first season, along with all the other Meteli characters. She's initially shown as a pretty strict, no nonsense guard. But in episode 27 we get to see her open up. At the time Cadenza is missing, and Glenda expresses great worry for her safety and says the following line

(sorry for how dark this is I took the screenie on my phone at like midnight)

So uhm. That's a bit of a big deal right off the bat, right? Cadenza is an orphan. Just before this Hayden speaks about how he found Cadenza picking flowers next to a burning village, about how she lost everyone and he took her in. And while Hayden acted as her father, Glenda acted as her mother. Cadenza had a mother.

This is where things get a bit... Mirky. I think a lot of us forget this, but Cadenza and Laurance being siblings isn't something that's revealed until [checks my notes] Episode 54. Which might not seem like a big deal, but Laurance has multiple conversations between episodes 26-40 (he dies in ep 40) about Cadenza, about growing up in Meteli, conversations where he could have said something, anything to indicate that Cadenza is his sister. But he doesn't.

He doesn't refer to Hayden as "our dad", he never refers to Glenda as Mom (which I'll get into later), he doesn't even say the phrase "Cadenza is like a sister to me" until AFTER they've both undergone their transformations. Me personally if I was the head guard of the swamp village, my sister goes missing, and my dad and her not boyfriend start fighting about it, and then some random woman shows up to help, I'd mention to the woman that this missing girl is my sister and this is a family affair. But Laurance... Doesn't.

This makes me think that them being siblings is an idea that came to the writers at some point after Laurance was introduced, but before he came back from the Nether. But this idea was either never incorporated, or they decided to put off incorporating it until after Laurance made his redesigned return.

Who knows. All I know is that Laurance and Cadenza were not intended to be siblings at first, and later retconned into that. And that's fine! They're not related, they're both adopted orphans, it's totally fine to make this retroactive change. But this change is important to remember regarding Glenda.

Yeah that's still who this post is about but there's so little to say that I padded it out with my whole tangent about the Zvahl family retcon. Anyways, Glenda, like everyone in Cadenza's family, is incredibly protective of her daughter, and clearly worried for her safety. This worry doesn't extend to... Doing anything, but that's because Aphmau had to show up and main character her way through things.

But it does lead to criticizing Aphmau when she seemingly fails as a main character. Aphmau does know where Cadenza is and knows that she's safe, but she lies to Hayden and Kenmur about it so they don't hurt Castor, and Glenda is PISSED. Not only because Aphmau promised she'd find Cadenza and failed, but she took one of their swords the last time she was in Meteli too! The disrespect of this woman! And she's the Lord of Phoenix Drop?! How low has this world gotten...?

Anyways the next time we see Glenda she's debating if she'll sign her life away. Now... I could go on about The Oath for... [glances at Oathbreakers word count] a while. But I'll try to keep it brief and focused on Glenda, who it actually has the most direct impact on. In episode 42 Garroth makes all the guards signing an oath swearing that they will take their own lives before they become a Shadow Knight and kill their lord, or to prevent themselves from doing so as a result of Shadow influences.

And while everyone else at the guard meeting is largely down with this, Glenda isn't. She's hesitant. Unsure. We don't get an explanation as to why in the episode, at least not the true one. But there are two things we can get from her. One, her eye color has changed. Which Aphmau doesn't notice at all or even comment on.

Two, she jumps immediately to leaving Hayden's guard, but stops herself because Cadenza is missing. And that's all that she says on it. Because after that, Glenda quits her job. She abandons the guard and we don't even hear about that happening until EPISODE 86. WE GO A FULL 44 EPISODES WITHOUT HER HAVING ANY RELEVANCE TO THE PLOT OR MENTION BY ANY CHARACTERS WHO KNEW HER LIKE I DUNNO

HER DAUGHTER???

And when she comes back in episode 86 we get the big reveal that Glenda was actually a Shadow Knight! And she framed Castor for murder all so she could draw Cadenza out, get her alone, kidnap her, and then sacrifice her to open a Nether portal and presumably return home.

There's a lot of questions this whole series of events raises, but not a single one of them are answered. I'm not even being hyperbolic, once Cadenza wakes up she is (understandably) more focused on the fact that her dad is alive and getting him back to safety. But she doesn't say anything about Glenda, doesn't give any sign of grieving or insight on the matter to Aphmau, she doesn't seem to care because her dad is safe.

The only details we're given are from Laurance, but these also raise questions. He says that Glenda must have become a Shadow Knight "at some point", and quit Hayden's guard because she planned to kill him to gain immortality. But... If that was the case, why fake his death? Why not have him actually be fully murdered with all the other evidence still stacked against Castor? Why not kill him, get immortality, and then kidnap your daughter and try to sacrifice her. Is it because she still cares about Hayden? Is it because she doesn't want to hurt Cadenza? She's about to kill her so I doubt it's that.

So much just doesn't add up with Glenda, so much that I have a never ending series of questions. When did she become a Shadow Knight? Was it in the Nether when they left Sasha behind? Was it before that? Did she go on that mission to save Hayden as a Shadow Knight and somehow not blow her cover? Or was it after that, in the brief window of time between Sasha coming back and Cadenza going missing, that she somehow ended up dead, in the Nether, and then back in the over world without raising an eyebrow? Or was she a Shadow Knight the whole time? Did Cadenza spend her entire childhood being raised by one?? Will I ever get answers as to any details regarding Cadenza's childhood outside of Laurance?! (The answer to that one is no)

But then one question made me really stop and think. One that matters more than any questions if lore, or continuity, or a series of events to follow.

Did the writers remember that they made Glenda Cadenza's mom?

And let's be clear, it's not like, a sin if they forgot. I'm a writer and I forget my own plotlines all the time. I go back through my drafts and other chapters all the time to make sure I'm maintaining at least some semblance of continuity, and I know that in a world as big and full of characters as this one, some details are going to get left behind or forgotten.

But it is mad disappointing because if the writers did remember that Glenda was a maternal figure to Cadenza, then they would also then realize that every member of her family has been either killed by shadow knights, nearly killed by shadow knights, or become shadow knights. Every. Single. One.

If Glenda was able to properly be Cadenza's mother there's a wellspring of character work to go down. It's never directly stated where Cadenza learned to sew from, so what if she learned it from her mother? One of her greatest forms of self expression is seemingly forever tainted with the presence of the monster who took the place of the mother who taught her everything she knows.

And how does Laurance feel about all this? He never refers to Glenda as a mother, even after he starts tossing around the Dad word around Hayden. It gives a sign that maybe Glenda didn't have an interest in raising Laurance, perhaps that while Hayden and Joh may have had some kind of co-parenting or gay marriage set up, Glenda was exclusively focused on being the mother of Cadenza. Or maybe she tried but Laurance pushed her away and she never tried hard enough. Maybe Laurance rejects the idea that he can have a mother. A father can be replaced, but a mother? Nobody can replace the woman who nearly gave her life just to bring him into this world. No one.

As it is in canon, Glenda is a footnote in Cadenza's tragedy. Just another shadow creature that tried to hurt Cadenza, without a proper recognition of just how significant her betrayal is. If Glenda's status as Cadenza's Mother was used to its fullest effect, we could have a family tragedy to surpass the Ro'Meave's, one where a single girl can be at the center of so much shadow and still barely manage to be a beacon of light in the darkness, even if her own family tries to kill her.

I've just. I dunno I've been thinking about Glenda a lot recently

[simkaswriting]

Hoodie- Human!Jake Sully

Word count: 950 A/N: this is just a little drabble I thought of while I definitely should have been focusing on my course work... Human Jake is kind of my weakness (ily Sam Worthington) And yes I am now shamelessly writing for Avatar too ;)

It was that pesky lab setting, the low temperature necessary to keep the teams samples stable and usable. To keep months of ground-breaking work and discoveries safe. And, to your chagrin, eliciting goosebumps upon entry to the lab every single morning, day by day. You of course understood the need for the cold environment, but that didn’t mean you were happy about it. And a certain ex-marine had picked up on it.

-

“Video log seven, time is… twenty-three forty-nine, and I’m, uh… I’m in the lab again.” Jake’s eyes flick to the analogue clock to his left with a sigh before settling back on his own reflection in the camera, a slightly dishevelled face staring back at him, a biproduct of spending so much time in his avatar.

“Location, shack.” He sighs again. He doesn’t have time for this. There are other things to do, places to be. And taping one of these stupid video logs per Grace’s request doesn’t even begin to scratch the list of things on his mind. He gets their purpose, sure, and he understands why Grace places so much urgency on doing them right after he ‘exits’ his avatar. So, if he has to do them, he’ll do them his way. And his way involves you.

Jake swivels in his seat, eyes landing on your hunched over form at the desk behind his, your hand furiously writing in your little notebook like usual. He watches you for a few moments. The way your hair frames the features he religiously studies when you’re deep in thought, risk free of being found out. Your near-death grip on the pen in your hand as you scribble whatever thoughts or findings race through your beautiful mind. Your eyes, nose, lips, features he desperately wants to run his fingers over, like a man starved of touch.

Jake has had his eye on you ever since Grace had her very first, but certainly not last, rant about how she did not need him. How she needed his brother. You were rolling your eyes behind Grace as she went on her tangent. And to his delight when he was in the canteen later that night, alone and picking at the strange amalgamation of dehydrated meats and vegetables he’s never seen before, you stopped by. Just for a second, just to say words that have played in his mind every night when he lays in his bed, some parts more than others. ‘Hi, we briefly met earlier but I’m (y/n), and unlike Grace, I’m actually happy to have someone who doesn’t have a stick up their ass in the lab with us. And you look like the type of fun I desperately need here.’

And that was it for Jake. He took your words as challenge, as a personal goal of his. Every morning he wheeled himself into the lab, he took it upon himself to act a fool to any extent, if it meant he got a smile from you. Some days he even settled for one of those scoffs of yours you gave when laughing was one of the last things on your mind. And over time, what seemed like months to him but was just weeks in reality, he grew fond of you. And by association, began to dislike the cold of the lab.

-

He tells himself to focus on the video vlog, the camera propped up against random shit he scrounged up on his desk still taping. But he doesn’t care, you take precedence.

“I can hear your teeth all the way from my station.” Jake chimes, eyes still on you as you continue to write. As Jake realises his words went right over your head, he smiles. He’s always admired your ability to lose yourself entirely in whatever you were doing.

He grips the edges of the hoodie he’s wearing, an old tattered grey thing he thinks has lived in his closet for longer than anything else he owns, before pulling it up his chest and over his head. He shakes it out a little to fix the left sleeve before he turns around and wheels himself over to your desk.

“Here.” Jake places the hoodie on your lap, the only available place as he eyes the paper towers stacked all across your desk. He squints at one of the papers near him but doesn’t read further than the title. He doesn’t understand the scientific jargon.

You flinch a little as the material lands in your lap and drop the pen. You look down at the clump of grey, Jake’s hoodie you realise, before turning your head to face him with a confused frown.

“What’s this for?”

Jake throws one of his grins your way that unbeknownst to him give you minor heart palpitations.

“Don’t want my favourite girl catching a cold.” He croons before turning himself back around and heading back to his own desk, heartrate slightly higher. Then again, it doesn’t come as a surprise to him.

He looks back into the camera, but this time not at his reflection. No, he watches as you play with the material of the hoodie for a few seconds before deciding that the ex-marine’s hoodie is probably your best option at staving off the cold. His eyes stay focused on you as you pull the hoodie over your head and down your torso, adjusting the hood of it. And for a second, he swears he sees you nuzzle your nose into the material through the camera’s reflection. His heart kicks up the pace, a small smile filled to the brim with pride not adorning his lips.

And as the low temperatures raise goosebumps on his own arms, he thinks it’s worth it to see you wearing his hoodie.  

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Fate is Definitely Drunk

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: fluff-ish, very meet cute if meet cute was more panicked and frozen in shock, cursing b/c I can’t write without cursing apparently

Word Count: 1,050

Summary: Everyone has the words their soulmate will first say to them written on their skin somewhere. You have the most average words in the known universe so you assume you’ll have a soulmate that matches that. Fate ain’t happy you underestimated her.

A/N: This is part of my marvel soulmate series. I did a whole thing. Sort of.

Soul marks were a funny thing. Mysterious. Unpredictable. Seemingly random. Science tried to understand it, but no matter how many studies they pushed out there never seemed to be a concrete answer. Some people referred to the marks as, ‘Scrawls of Fate’. That’s what it had to be, right? Fate pulling the strings, dragging people together, and creating happy endings or whatever.

You weren’t bitter.

And yes, that’s probably what bitter people said, but you were not bitter.

Not more than the average human at least.

You’ve seen dream couples meet because of the words on their skin. You had a friend in elementary school find her soulmate in the first grade. Yes, they got stuck with words said by their toddler selves, but they were stupid happy. You had just attended their wedding six months ago. It was sickeningly beautiful. Most of the couples you’ve seen get strung together were doing pretty well. Nothing special or crazy unique, but they were content.

That was the goal, right?

To be content.

Anything above that was just extra, and there was nothing wrong with extra, but if you walked around thinking the fates owed you extra then of course you’d be disappointed. That was your view of it at least. Even as a kid you never really got worked up over your words. They were simple, average, and you wouldn’t be surprised if a handful of other people in the world had the exact same mark as you coincidentally.

‘Terrible weather, huh?’

Your soul mark was literally the epitome of small talk. You’ve seen a lot worse though. A friend in high school had the words, ‘Fucking fish’ on their arm. You were still very curious as to how that would’ve come up in conversation. Maybe you needed to reach out to him later just to see if he had met his soulmate yet.

The sound of your name brought your eyes up from the table in surprise. The gaze of all the other brand-new interns were zoned in on you, and the only reason you remembered the initial ice-breaker question was because it had put you off on the tangent your brain got stuck on.

“Nope.” You shook your head quickly and offered the group a smile that you hoped was less awkward and more ‘happy to be here’, “No significant other at the moment.”

The group leader, your new boss, was a chirpy brunette named Janice who was living her best life right now. Her smile filled her entire face and she seemed to radiate sunshine. Which was cool for her, but you couldn’t imagine being that excited on a Monday morning unless you were on something.

“I was hoping Tim would be back by now.” Janice hummed, drumming her nails on the table, “I was gonna have him pick you guys up some coffee. Nothing like a caffeine boost before we move onto the program training.”

You raised a hand, “I’ll go grab us some coffee.”

“You will?” Janice beamed. “You’re a saint. Just tell the barista that I sent you.”

The group gave you their orders, that you jotted down into your phone, then you hurried out of the boardroom with a sigh of relief. It was nice to finally stretch your legs after being stuck in there for the last couple hours. Honestly, you were so thankful to have this job. You were just a low-level grunt working the mail room and answering phones, but you were a low-level grunt at Stark Industries. Everybody said that’d look fantastic on your resume and since you had no real future plans right now it seemed like a safe bet.

The coffee stand was on the first floor in the lobby and was packed. It took a good ten minutes just to get to the front of the line, but you weren’t in any kind of rush. You ordered the coffees then wandered off to the side to wait for them to be made. Your eyes drifted to the large lobby windows that were currently being pelted with rain. You loved storms. It was funny that rainy days brought you such comfort, but you always figured it tied into your soul mark. You were never actively hoping for anything, but maybe your subconscious just knew this would be the setting you’d find the one in.

The barista called out your name and you turned away from the view. You grabbed the drink carrier that had five cups balanced on it. Before going upstairs, you drifted a little closer to the front doors and paused for just another second to stare outside. The board room you were stuck in had no windows at all, and only this close to the door could you smell and hear the rain.

Someone stopped a couple steps to your left and you couldn’t help but look over at them as they undid the clasp holding their umbrella closed. It took two seconds for you to realize that the person standing beside you with their umbrella was Captain America. Your eyes widened in shock. He always looked so big and in charge on the news, and in person he was legitimately intimidating. Tall stature, broad shoulders, and God, he was good looking. As in, who the hell had the right to look so good so casually??

Captain America glanced at you, his blue eyes meeting your gaze, and though your brain screamed at you to look away and not stare like a frozen creeper, you couldn’t move a muscle. You just stood there looking like the idiot you felt like. He politely gave you a tiny nod and warm smile. Captain America motioned to the door, “Terrible weather, huh?”

You felt the words on your shoulder tingle and your jaw fell loose in disbelief. Captain America just gave you one more nod before walking to the door. He opened his umbrella and you lost sight of him out in the storm amongst all the other walking umbrellas.

Had he just…?

Had you just…?

The drink carrier slipped from your hands and five full cups of coffee hit the tiled floor causing a disaster at your feet. You couldn’t even register that people were looking at you or that the hot coffee had burned your through your pants’ leg or that you were now standing in a pool of caffeine.

You gasped, “Oh, fuck me.”

[next chapter]

[davekat-sucks]

"Um proshiping and wanting to put underage characters in creepy situations is bad, ur weird :/ "

Why do people like this read homestuck? Oh yea thats right, like i said before they don't actually read the comic. It's literally fucking full of that. Why is it bad when someone ships first violin but its ok when Hussie writes Scratch being predatory towards Rose? If you guys can give a pass for the author making the characters weird then how come you don't give that pass for random fans who do the same? Hussie is no different from these people, there was a whole bit where he was trying to marry Vriska and worked with people who made porn of his characters. "But the intention!- but its a joke!-" there's literally no difference in what he does, the literal creator of this comic doesn't give a fuck what you ship, hes said it before. So why do you care? Why do you go into a moral tangent about people shipping fictional characters weird when said creator of those characters made those characters sexually assault and murder eachother multiple times?

Exactly. The comic had moments like Vriska forcing Tavros to kiss her by using MIND CONTROL, Mindfang RAPED the Dolorosa to make Dualscar jealous, same Mindfang had to wait YEARS for The Summoner to hatch before she could date him, and people gave Meenah x Vriska shipping a pass because they were two badass lesbians. I always find it strange people who claim they hate problematic media would still engage in works like South Park, Danganronpa, etc; Where series like those has mature themes being used as shock value, comedy, or drama. At that point, why still stay if they are gonna bitch about it. Why can't they stick to safe show or series like Sesame Street or something else that never touches adult topics and everything ends in sunshine and rainbows?

[soup-of-the-daisies]

so here’s part 2 of my james potter hcs bc this shitbag lives in my head rent free :))

(part 1 for those interested)

his prescription isn’t really heavy and he can technically get around without his glasses, but he gets really bad headaches if he doesn’t wear them

tried muggle contacts for a bit but got an eye infection after a month, went back to glasses permanently

can get really, really mean in the blink of an eye if he sees or hears something he doesn’t appreciate—something as innocent as feeling jealous or something as bad as blatant bigotry, doesn’t really matter. fandom may say that he was sirius’ moral compass but ohhh boy

“imagine sirius black having to reel you in” - overheard in the hospital wing by a random hufflepuff after a group of wannabe death eaters got hexed so badly for terrorising some muggleborn students they had to stay there for two days

can argue himself out of any sticky situation by being passionate and arrogant (like only getting a month’s worth of detention for hexing said group of wannabe death eaters into a two-day stay at the hospital wing)

did not relentlessly pursue lily, actually. he didn’t ask her out until their fifth year and stopped entirely after the slur-incident

did form a relentless (at times one-sided) rivalry that often went way too far with severus snape though, i’ll give you that

he’s got hazel eyes with a bit of green thank you

his nose isn’t longer than harry’s (he’s got a ‘hidung pesek’, like my mum would say). his nosebridge can’t hold up european glasses and it’s a struggle

sirius looks physically like his father which means james does, shamefully, find orion black handsome in a purely aesthetic way. he’ll take this tidbit to the grave with him though as sirius would have an aneurysm if he found out that james thinks orion is a bit of a dilf

james has tackled peter multiple times. most notably, that one time it was over the last digestive in the biscuit tin that hope lupin sent remus

peter broke his nose and james cried because he felt so bad

he’s got a dab hand at healing spells and sirius is good at cleaning spells so it was fine in the end

also ugly crier james 2k23. that man can WEEP

gives the BEST hugs. you’ll feel so safe. he just presses your face against his chest and you’ve got to take it, because it’ll relax your entire body

“it’s like i’ve been reborn” - peter pettigrew after The James Hug following the orange marmalade incident of 1975

will never talk about the orange marmalade incident of 1975 because peter asked him nicely

great secret keeper!! should’ve been his own secret keeper, actually!!

big beatles fan and really cringy about it: he even considers getting a mop top for a bit.

thinks george harrison looks like sirius (but not as handsome) and therefore george is his favourite

same james

ALSO he would be so flattered that some parts of this fandom see him as ATJ’s john lennon i swear lmao

would kill for sirius and has considered killing for sirius on multiple occasions

harry’s ‘trouble usually finds me’ gene comes from him and he has been face to face with acromantulas on multiple occasions purely by accident

harry’s ‘there’s no need to call me sir, professor’ gene is a mix of lily’s sass and james’ smart-assery. part of the reason jily started dating is bc they could match each other’s quips so well

good at practical magic with several seemingly random interests in the theoretical background of certain types of magic. will go off on a tangent on the Braach’s Sixteen Laws of Weight when someone offhandedly mentions a featherlight charm

created the runic sequences of the Map that ground the spellwork woven into the object to ambient magic all by himself and was SO proud of himself that severus was valid in saying james strutted around like he owned the place

human embodiment of the following emoticon= >:3

[chronotsr]

No. 1 - G1, The Steading of the Hill Giant Chief (July 1978)

Author(s): Gary Gygax Artist(s): Erol Otus, Dave C. Sutherland III (cover), David A. Trampier Level range: Average of 9, preferably 5+ players Theme: Standard Swords and Sorcery Major re-releases: G1-3 Against the Giants, GDQ1-7 Queen of the Spiders, Against the Giants: The Liberation of Geoff, Dungeon #197, Tales from the Yawning Portal

I'm not sure if G1-G3 are the most remastered adventures of all time, but it's gotta be competitive. I think Tomb of Horrors might have it beat, but I haven't counted. The 4e conversion [the Dungeon #197 one] is really weird in particular because…4e feels like the edition least interested in the legacy of DND? It was boldly doing its own thing. A good quality, actually.

Anyway, it's time to slag off* on a beloved adventure. Note, I am using the earliest copy of G1 I can find, which is from waaaay later when D3 was complete. I apologize.

*And by slag off, I mean "be critical of at all". In practice, this module is actually showing some unusual acumen compared to its contemporaries.

EDIT: I forgot to mention a rather important thing when this was made live -- note the title there! We are officially in ADND land now, so put away your little brown booklets and switch over to the fuck-off awesome player's handbook with the iconic Moloch statue!

Somehow I had gotten my whole life at this point never really…understanding what this structure was supposed to look like? It looks like this.

I honestly think exterior shots of dungeons are critically underrated. Handouts are amazing and being able to flash the back cover art to safely show the party "like this" is actually great, I deeply wish that….any? of the previous modules had done that? I think the only one that did was Tsojconth. Weirdly, the interior drawing is very subtly different. Look at how the logs face:

Not a huge deal but, a kind of weird inconsistency that top one looks like a stockade and the bottom one looks like a log cabin. Side note, we know that the long dimension of this is using 210 feet tall logs, which is to say, the size of an average redwood. These are some big fuck-off trees -- which could be a very interesting detail about the local area.

Now the setup is pretty simple. You were hired to go beat up the giants because they've been raiding the local humans, figure out why they're raiding, and comeback posthaste. The locals have kitted you out with horses, guides, maps, et c -- but no compensation, they have simply omitted a finder's fee (cheap bastards). Also, if you fail, they'll execute you. With friends like these, who needs Giants?

Gary starts with some mild railroading (you accepted the job already, you are already kitted out, you already walked to a nearby cave, you waited til dusk to approach, you notice two guards are missing, and the cave is guaranteed to be moderately hidden. Sure, whatever, I'm going to ignore that if I run this tho. Gary notifies us of a few critical details:

Don't run this stock, that's immoral

Any surviving giants will flee to G2 if they have the opportunity (which, kind of inherently punishes clever play that avoids combat?)

There is a 2% chance per round that the wooden structure will be lit on fire due to chronic rain (why is this a dice roll??)

If you will permit me a tangent, player arson is truly the bane of interesting scenarios everywhere. Whenever a player wonders, "why are all the GM's dungeons underground or in stonework buildings?", it's because doing anything else invites arson as the default and best answer to all problems. Magic items are fireproof and most metal items will not get hot enough to be destroyed, so very often the best solution is to burn the place to the ground and loot it the next day. So, yeah. No wood buildings. Gary's fix is to have all the giants flee into the basement, then waste a week of the PC's time for daring to use arson. Kind of sucks!

Tangent complete.

Here's some random interesting bits:

Gary explicitly states that you can pass yourself off as hill giant kids, which is extremely funny. Minus the implicit child murder.

Naturally there are giant moms doing giant housemaid shit in several rooms. Presumably they have giant curlers too.

The secret door is, literally just a doorway covered by a pelt. I have to hand it to them, that'd trip up most players in 2024 AND make them feel stupid for not figuring it out!

The big reveal that Eclavdra the Drow is secretly behind it all is so lightly teased that it feels downright tasteful.

A giant that uses a ballista as a crossbow (based) and spears for arrows (also based) -- between the prevalence of lightning spears and greatarrows, one starts to think of a certain famous video game. Genuinely I think it'd be a fun exercise one day, for someone who is more knowledgeable than me about Japanese fantasy roleplaying culture, to talk about how anglophone fantasy works made their way into Japan and were interpreted.

One of the cloud giants has hidden a sentient giant slaying sword that speaks all the giant languages, it feels like there's a hell of a story going on there that is only alluded to!

To my knowledge, this is the first official depiction of an orc in DND? Which implies that Gary is team pig-orcs, which is cool. Frankly, I love porcine orcs, or even better just pigfolk in general, they're great.

I think it is actually a rather bold early stance for Gary to hold that, even here in 1978, Chaotic aligned creatures are not automatically friends. Granted, that's how it is in Elric, so it's not THAT bold, but clearly everyone else missed the memo. The orcs are willing to side with you at least in the short-run, and in our previous modules it was very rare to have groups of chaotic-aligned creatures fighting one another. It was always just personal beefs. In fact, the overall theme of G1 so far is that despite the boxy-ass dungeon design, there's already a command of naturalism that even modern dungeons really struggle with. Factionalism truly is the gift that keeps on giving for the GM!

So the big reveal internally to G1 (just think of that -- a reveal internally to G1, and externally to the GDQ supermodule -- we're already getting pacing!) is that the orc slaves have rebelled. And -- hey -- good for them. There's also a kind of…built-in companion refill system going on here? So in oldish DND the way it works is, the expectation is the party is not just 5 guys with swords. You've got companions to help fight, and you've got hirelings to do other stuff (test suspected traps, if you're evil). And you can only hire so many of these guys from town, but attrition is going to happen. So the modules simply provides, automatic replacements should you negotiate worth a quarter of a shit. A dwarf slave here, an orc slave there. Maybe a giant dissenter if you're really clever. One of the potential "rewards" you can get is more dudes to throw at problems.

More interesting bits

There is, what I can only really call an abortive idea going on here where there's a scary temple in the basement? But no one worships there and no information is provided. It is merely a fucked up altar. I think I vaguely recall that it's retconned Tharizdun in one of the remakes? They always retcon things to be Tharizdun. Busy man, Tharzy.

Gary, Gary no. Stop it. Stop this 78 guys bullshit. I thought we had established that giant rooms of giant clumps of guys was bad. I know you have terminal Napoleonics brain but stop.

Wait, Steading is a noun? I always thought it was a verb. Yknow, like "Steading those hill giants", taking 'em down a notch. Apparently, a Steading is a small farm -- same etymology as Homestead. I guess mark that as our first Gygaxism?

Our second Gygaxism is gill, which is "a quarter pint of an alcoholic drink", which is to say a few mouthfuls

Always end your adventures with weird, ominous non-diegetic text. On the flip-side, absolutely do not do what the adventure does, and end on a teleporter that takes you to the next dungeon. That is the worst option.

Anyway, that's the whole Hill Giant situation. Honestly, it's better than I remembered, but in proud module tradition up to this point it gets weirdly filler-y in the basement. There's just something about basements that makes dungeon designers stop giving a shit, I swear. I do need to give the man his due, even though he was a shitass person: Gygax wrote an 11 page module that is of noticeably higher killer-to-filler ratio than any of his contemporaries. G1 is better than any of its predecessors, pound for pound. It is way, way shorter which is I suppose a plus to me and a minus to others, but -- there is a clear internal logic to this place that is tragically missing from (say) The Dwarven Glory. And that internal logic is the beginning of good adventure design. Anyway, we have two fun tidbits to discuss before we end for the day.

First up, we have an of-the-time account of events in Dragon #19! It turns out that in Origins '78 they played G1-G3's prototype. The account is of the winners (mostly West Virginians, a few Michiganders), who used their magic extremely liberally to hide what they were doing as well as to scout. They did opt to light the place on fire, good for them! If you want to check this out, it's on page 3. I will mention G2 and G3 here as relevant later.

Second up, there's a weird interquel hiding in Dungeon #198! Hanging out as an informal G1.5 is "The Warrens of the Stone Giant Thane!" I will not review it in full because my understanding of 4e is, basically just skimming the PHB and reading the DMG, but essentially the Stone Giants are hypothetically aloof and not particularly loyal to their Fire Giant superiors, but someone gave them The Rock That Makes You Crazy and so now they are. Smash the rock!

Man, map design in the 4e era was so fucking bad. It looks fine, but like, this is four circles. And downstairs is, of course, cave as far as the eye can see. Aren't stone giants supposed to be skilled carvers? Anyway, If you feel like G2 would be too big of a jump mechanically compared to G1, this exists. I'm sure you could use it if you liked, and certainly there is a Genre of Grognard who would be kinda tickled at the thought of finding "lost content" for el classico GDQ.

Next week, we cover G2, which was also in July. So was G3! They're triplets!

[herotome]

Devlog #123

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

So... it's out! If you somehow haven't heard despite my modest-yet-incessant marketing efforts, Herotome's Super Demo is now out on itch.io!

People seem to really enjoy the game. My notifications are blowing up. Everything seems to be going really well - it's all coming up Wudge, one might say!

Which means it's time to talk about 𝓜𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓘𝓵𝓵𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼.~

Y'all weren't expecting that one, were ya? Boom, baby! Haha!!!

So, let me know if this sounds familiar: I spend most of my waking moments worrying that something bad is going to happen. I'm perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Thank you to @hummingbird-games for reminding me that idiom exists, and taking it in good humor when I excitedly babbled that "YES! It's like there's this giant centipede with shoes in my ceiling and I'm convinced I hear him walking around and someday, someday he's gonna throw all his shoes at me like that one guy did to George Bush--!"

...I'm worried that someone is going to find a reason to be rightfully angry with me. I'm worried that, through the mortifying ordeal of being known, I will be punished with the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery. I worry that, any day now, I'm going to get a random half-thought-out message that obliterates my heart into smithereens and kills me on the spot. I am a sea slug, cautiously edging a tendril into the light and praying not to be noticed by the eldritch fish above that will devour me in a single gulp.

I find myself flinching even when there isn't a blow coming.

Putting out a piece of yourself for the public to consume is really fucking terrifying. I did it anyway, which is cool of me, but I want to make it known that there is not eternal bliss and satisfaction and rose petals on the other side. Is this better than my cave of solitude and darkness I emerged from? I think so. But I'm still perpetually scared, as Toby Fox might once have described it, "like a small dog startled by a thunder storm."

I'm still really tired, too.

I don't write this to complain; I'm conscious that some people are now looking up to me and the way I do things, and I want to be transparent. I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect or have always been perfect and will always be perfect, or that I've ~found happiness~.

I'm not. I have never been. I will never be. I haven't.

But I'm okay, at least. I'm okay and I'll be okay, and I'm grateful to you all. Every single one of you. Thank you for not submitting me to the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery…yet.  :^)

Alright what's the takeaway here. Uhm.

Be yourself! Follow your dreams! Never give up!!!

That's sincerely what I'm trying to do. It's a challenge every single day; I have to choose Herotome every single day (something something married to my own game blah blah blah). It is worth it. And I believe in you - assuming you're not a cannibal or a murder or, worst of all, a plagiarist (gasp!) or anything else terrible and bad - I believe in you. (… But honestly, I'd believe in you if you were a bad person too, I'd believe in you to continue to do bad things but I'd hope that you'll stop and turn yourself in to the proper authorities lmao…)

… I went on a weird tangent again…

I don’t know if any of this is making sense. Maybe it will be insightful to someone out there, maybe it won't.

I uh, did some writing for the next part of the game, and I plan on working on some character expressions today in honor of my Ko-Fi donators.

Oh, and there's gonna be a stream on Wednesday 10pm Pacific. I'll be there! Come say hi and please don't squish me!

… Yeah that's all I can think of writing for now. I absolutely wish you all the best with every speck of love I have in my current flesh prison.

Tata for now. Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[shieldcaptain54]

There is something that i so desperately want as an artist. and i know its kinda stupid because there is a point in this conjecture that kills the artistry of the work, but holy shit do i want a device that i can plug into my brain and have all those jumbled up thoughts in my cranium seamlessly archived into like.... a fucking wiki. i crave the strength and certainty of steel and if its ever offered in a safe manner or i get a genie wish or some shit im fucking taking that. my brain is such a clusterfuck of all those random bits of knowledge ive learned over the years that when i start truly thinking about a project im working on, writing for campaigns, trying desperately to put in a chapter of my book, doing research, any of it, - i just fly off the rails on tangents because i have that perfect level of surface knowledge on every single topic to notice something and then get lost for like 7 hours trying to work that random idea into something that has no business housing it. so yeah anyway i guess thats how i go about announcing to this corner of the internet that, yeah im trying to write a book. again. the first stent i had being a writer in an "official" capacity never really went over super well, the publisher tried to ream me out of the rights to everything i had made and i pulled the plug on that project, hence why my former account got nuked from orbit and i did my damndest to purge myself and my online presence like 8 years ago. but with all the shit going on in the world right now, ive felt really compelled to start writing again. and thats in no small part to the wonderful people here on this hellsite. so, ill be posting some chapters once i edit them down, no set schedule to this sort of thing, i work over 50 hours a week so for the most part my time writing is more deranged rant with plot threads than true novelizations of that sick anime AMV i have playing out in my mind. ill try to put one out sometime this week. but most of all, i suppose i want to say thanks to everyone that passes by. thank all yall cool people out here on the weirdest frontier of the internet for keeping the spirit alive. that wonderful, indomitable human spirit, the urge to create made manifest in every beautiful medium this world offers. Because it gives me ideas and im totally gonna steal them. i promise ill give them back eventually. probably. maybe. But until next time, this has been your Captain speaking, and its a pleasure to have you aboard.

[mutant-chain-reaction]

TMNT Headcanon -- As Roommates

A silly headcanon list that no one asked for about the 2k3 boys and how they would be as your roommates.

Leonardo

Neat as a pin

Which goes well most of the time but sometimes is too neat

He'll rearrange the bathroom and kitchen cabinets if he feels the need and forget to tell you

Never have to worry about him paying rent on time

But will also pull the "older sibling card," grilling you on where you're going, when you'll be back, etc.

Will wait up for you to make sure you come home safe and sound

Will sometimes forget to tell you this or not make enough noise, resulting in you being startled when you finally notice a statuesque ninja turtle sitting in the dark corner of the living room

Ultimately, will be the quiet, respectful type of roommate

Raphael

Rather independent as far as roommates go

Sometimes he disappears on his own and you won't hear from him for a little while

He'll be bewildered when you first confront him about it but will learn to try to communicate better when he goes out

Fairly responsible with rent, but will need to be reminded once in a while

Despite a grumble here and there against your "crook of a landlord" (whether that's true or not), he'll always pay his share

Is a really good chill buddy if you two decide to have a movie night together or relaxing in your shared space while working on your own projects

Pretty intuitive if something's bothering you and he will try to fix it

He may be gruff at times, but if anyone messes with you, he's got your back

Donatello

For the most part, is a really relaxed and kind roommate

Bonus points for his mechanical genius -- you never have to worry about anything being broken again

On the flip side, you're pretty sure he doesn't need to "improve" certain appliances, but once he has an idea, he runs with it

Remembers that he needs to pay rent, but he does tend to forget what day it is, particularly when he's engrossed in a project, and is appreciative of reminders

Has a terrible sleep schedule -- he'll still be awake when you go to bed and when you wake up the next morning

He is aware of this, apologizes and tries to fix his schedule when you point it out to him for his health, but ends up falling into the same routine eventually

While he's pretty soft-spoken, he will occasionally go off on random and excitable tangents about his favorite topics and projects

You learn to enjoy being his sounding board, finding his passion contagious and inspiring to your own life

Michelangelo

You are never bored with Mikey as a roommate

Nor are you never really alone -- Mikey enjoys company and hanging out with you, and he does inspire you to try new experiences

You do have to chase him down for his share of the rent sometimes, though

Definitely the better cook and baker between the two of you

But definitely the messier roommate between the two of you

Will be the type to sneak in small animals and pets anyway if your rental agreement doesn't allow them

You're not even surprised when he somehow befriends and tames some crows that now roost outside your living room window, the birds occasionally bringing shiny trinkets (and legit money) in exchange for expensive birdseed

He will always do his best to make sure you are happy, and you find yourself wanting to do the same for him

[charming-fawn]

how to Be a High Value Woman | High-Value Traits, What to Avoid & Femininity Tips (Twee Girl Edition) ✨

Being a "high-value woman" isn’t just about curated Pinterest boards and effortlessly cute outfits (though we love both)!! It’s about embodying the kind of magnetic charm that makes people stop and think, "Wow, she really lives in her own little movie." Let’s break it down Twee girl-style, because being high-value doesn’t have to scream corporate #girlboss; it can whisper whimsy and self-respect. 🌸

1. High-Value Traits to Cultivate

Curiosity & Creativity: Read books with cracked spines. Doodle in the margins of your journal. Get excited about art galleries, niche documentaries, or making soup from scratch. High-value women love to learn and express themselves.

Boundaries, Baby: Say yes to dreamy mornings at a local café with a book. Say no to people who make you feel small. Set boundaries that protect your peace and your magic.

Confidence Without Cockiness: confidence doesnt have to be loud. It’s wearing that vintage dress even if people think it’s “too much,” and twirling anyway.

Empathy & Kindness: Help the lost tourist. Compliment the girl in the thrift store who’s second-guessing her choice. Softness is not a weakness—use it like a superpower.

2. What to Avoid

Constant Comparison: Scrolling through other Twee girls’ perfectly filtered lives is fun, but remember: Your movie is special because it’s yours. Don’t compare your rough drafts to someone else’s final edits.

Overthinking What Others Think: Wear the knee socks. Carry the picnic basket purse. Make your oat milk latte in a mason jar with a ribbon. You’re too interesting to play it safe.

Performing Instead of Living: Being high-value is about authenticity. Don’t force yourself into someone else’s aesthetic just because it’s trendy on TikTok.

3. Femininity Tips (Twee Edition)

Embrace Your Quirks: Femininity isn’t just pastel dresses and cat-eye liner (though those are adorable). It’s also your endless tangents about obscure bands, your love for pressing flowers, or the random collections you keep in vintage tins.

Romanticize Your Life: Carry a book with you everywhere. Learn how to bake the perfect tart. Write letters you’ll never send. Find the beauty in everything, even rainy days.

Celebrate Softness: Lace socks, oversized cardigans, and warm smiles > any forced "boss babe" energy. Femininity can be quiet yet powerful.

✨ Remember: Being a high-value woman doesn’t mean perfection—it’s about being fully, unapologetically you. In a world of polished, sterile ideals, there’s nothing more high-value than embracing your Twee quirks and creating a life that feels like your favorite indie film. ✨

Go out there and be the Suzy Bishop of your story. 💌

[rhythm-catsandwine]

Hot Chocolate

Klars

Master list

“You need anything?” Lars waited until the coughing fit was done.

"I'm craving hot chocolate." Kirk shivered despite the layers of blankets around him.

"Can I try and make some for you?"

"Remember the last time you tried to cook?" Kirk laughed.

"Don't remind me."

"We had to get a new stove." 

"So how do I make it?"

"There is a recipe on the counter by the stove. I planned on making it this weekend. "

Lars padded out of the room and brought back a piece of paper. "Why is it spicy?"

"Because I like it spicy. Don't burn the chocolate."

"How do I do that?"

"You keep stirring it. But to be on the safe side use a candy thermometer."

"What’s a candy thermometer?"

“A thermometer for making candy.”

Five minutes later the drummer brought a handful of random thermometers and dropped them on the table in front of the couch. "Is it this one?"

"That's a meat thermometer" 

"This one?"

"No"

"This one?" 

"No"

“Did you find all the thermometers but the candy one in the house?”

"How many thermometers are there? And why are you watching the movie with the creepy clown that scares kids?"

"It calls itself Pennywise but its real name is-.."

"Where the fock is the thermometer?"

Kirk paused the movie and wrapped the huge blanket around him. It was green and blue and red plaid. "I'll find it for you."  

"You look cute all cuddled up in my blanket. why are you smelling it?"

"No I wasn't" he lied. "It's our blanket."

"It's like a kirk burrito kirkrito or Kirk cocoon Kirkcoon?" They walked into the kitchen.  "You're smelling it again."

Neither of them remember who the blanket originally belonged to but all Kirk knew it smelt like home, like warmth. "It smells like you." Kirk tried to hide the blush but gave up when he received a kiss on the cheek. "You missed."

"No, I didn't and where is the focking thermometer?"

Of course, it was in the one drawer Lars didn’t look in. "Here" Kirk held up the thin glass tube. 

Lars began finding chocolate, a container he assumed was sugar and vanilla, and whatever else he would need.  "Why are you still standing there?"

"Kiss me and don't miss this time."

Lars shook his head. "You're sick. Go back to your clown movie."

"It's called IT! But Its real name is the dead lights!" Kirk huffed and shuffled back to the nest he made on the couch. 

Half an hour later Lars padded in holding two mugs. He had made an effort. Little marshmallows, chocolate shavings, and caramel syrup floated on top. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

“Be careful it’s hot.”

“Thanks, mom!” Kirk took a sip and then spit it out. The mug was on the table and the guitarist laughing.

"Is it that bad?" "Stop laughing!" The wanna-be cook tried his experiment and barely swallowed the chocolatey beverage. “Kirk, what did I do wrong?”

Another coughing fit and a few sneezes forced the laughter to come to an end. "You used salt instead of sugar." 

“I’m never cooking again!”

“There’s some instant cocoa on the shelf above the microwave. Add a cup of milk to it and microwave it for two minutes. Even you can’ fuck that up.”

“This movie makes no sense.”

“I’ll explain once you get back.”

When Lars returned there were several whiteboards with pictures, and writings all connected with red string. “When did you make all of these?”

“At night when I can't sleep. Now shut up and pay attention. It all started billions of years ago with a protector the space turtle, a shapeshifter the dead lights, or IT, but before that there was the other.  The turtle had a stomach ache and threw up the universe. The dead lights found ours and landed on earth. It fell asleep for 27 years and woke up to feast on victims. Which stated the 27-year cycle…..”

 Lars tried to pay attention and follow along but he was more interested in watching his lover's eyes light up as he talked about a horror movie. Slowly the spell was broken by the worsening chills and coughing fits. “Kirk.” The tangent continued. “Kirk.”

“Then you have the kids and mmmhhhmp” He pulled away from the kiss. “You didn’t miss this time and I thought I was too sick for that.”

“That was the only way to shut you up.” He felt the other man’s forehead. “You’re burning up again. Come and lay down with me and you can watch whatever movie you want. Explain why everything is made of turtle barf later.”

“Turtle barf that’s what you got from the last half hour?” 

“Shut up!”