#you are a grown adult who graduated 20 years ago

[the-kneesbees]

I promise you, the world is not going to end because some random teenagers, who you don't know, chose not to march in a st patricks day parade in a different town

[mulloey]

unwelcome • mingyu

you hate your new stepdad. you swear.

stepdad!mingyu x fem!reader

words: 3k

warnings: step-dad relationship (but you were fully grown when you met him!), implied age gap but not specified, dubcon if you squint, hard dom!mingyu, brat!reader, fingering, spanking, name calling, pussy slaps, mean mingyu. he is not a good dude. extremely weird dynamics (bc he is fucking ur mom after all :/ ) you’ve been warned!

don’t like, don’t read. this is fiction and is not a reflection of reality. if this is not your cup of tea, please scroll. i’m not your babysitter and hate is blocked.

-

you fucking hate him.

mingyu married your mother around a year ago - after only a few months of dating mind you - and you fucking hate him. being away at college, you hadn’t even met him until the week before the wedding, yet here he was; rearranging your house, telling you how to live, trying to assume some sort of authority over your grown ass life. he even had the audacity to chide you for calling him by name. whatever; on the rare occasion you can’t find an excuse not to go home for the holidays or weekends or pick up his calls, you’ll just call him mr. kim.

this is one of those rare occasions. but you sense it may not be rare for very long; your luck has run out and all the campus accommodation is fully booked for your final year. you’d been lucky to get a bursary for on-campus accommodation in your first three years, but that only extended to off-campus accommodation for out of state students. living on the other side of the city, you do not qualify.

you swear mingyu could help, if he felt so inclined. he doesn’t flaunt his wealth but you know he has it; the shiny watches on his wrist and the designer clothing suddenly adorning your mother tells you that much. but even if he did want to help you, which you doubt, you’d never ask him. because that would involve admitting that this man, at least 10, maybe 20 years younger than your mother, and who walked into your life when you were already in your twenties (only a few months into them, admittedly), has any kind of authority over you. he doesn’t.

so you move home, cursing the world and everything in it as you watch from the living room window while mingyu and his stupid friends carry your boxes inside. your mother stands next to you, following her husband with loving eyes. it’s nice to see her happy, you must admit. you just wish she would stick up for you a little; explain to her husband that you’re a grown adult and can’t be told what to do. but she’s always been a meek, passive woman who never seemed to have anything go right for her. you don’t blame her for clinging to whatever fragile happiness she can find.

you figure it won't be too hard to get through this year though; you can ignore mingyu as you have been, he’ll quickly get the message and ignore you in return, and you can keep your head down and scavenge enough credits to graduate, get a job and move out. simple, right?

no. of course not. when is anything ever simple for you?

because mingyu refuses to leave you alone. at all. it seems, for whatever reason, he is determined to be around you at all costs.

you stick it out for all of a couple weeks; ignoring his comments, answering his questions with as little detail as possible, and skirting on this side of his house rules so as not to piss him off. but he only ramps it up, and you can’t take it anymore.

you decide to play the sweet, docile act he loves in your mother, hoping it sways him. you ignore how fucking weird it is to be emulating your mother to get your way, but if it works, it’ll benefit her too. because you’d really hate to have to tell her cherished little husband to go fuck himself.

“mr. kim,” you call.

mingyu, sitting at the kitchen table with a newspaper and a bowl of cereal, looks up. he tilts his head, surveying you closely. “yes?” he asks. “if you’re here to complain about your curfew, you can save it. you worry your mother sick when you stay out until a stupid hour.”

oh, yeah. you resist the urge to roll your eyes; your curfew is that most ridiculous part of all of this, but your mother agrees with it too and you know she’s under no obligation to put you up here for free, so you’ve stuck it out until now out of respect. it’s still fucking annoying, through. you’re twenty fucking years old.

“i’m not here to complain about that,” you say. you bite your lip to keep the ‘asshole’ you want to tack on the end of that sentence inside your mouth.

he tilts an eyebrow, putting the newspaper down. “then what?”

“i just want to know,” you say. you drag out the last syllable, hoping he finds it cute. god, you’re gonna have to take ten thousand showers after acting like this just to please this idiot. “why do you want to talk to me so much?”

he pauses. “what do you mean?”

“i try to stay out of your way,” you say. “because i prefer to keep to myself and honestly, as much as i’m glad you make my mom happy, i really don’t need another parent. but you insist on talking to me and asking me things and knowing about my life. i don’t get it.”

he stares at you for a moment, looking down through those black glasses he always wears around the house. he runs a hand through his air, sighing like he can’t believe what he’s about to say— or that he even has to say it.

“you know what i think?” he asks. you shrug. “i think you do get it. i think you ignore me and talk back to me and find loopholes for all my rules because you want me to bite back. you never had a father, did you?

none of your fucking business, you want to say. instead you go with, “no.”

“there we go,” he says. “it’s a shame, honestly. little girls need their dads. it’s no wonder they act out when they don’t have them.”

“i’m not-” you huff, frustrated but trying not to prove his point by shouting at him. “i am not acting out, mr. kim.”

“you are,” he says. “and you’re damn lucky your mother asked me not to do anything about it.”

you feel your face twitch in anger. you’re long past the innocent act that he was just too annoying for it to work on, but you don’t want to completely lose your cool. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

his lips quirk amusedly and he leans back in his chair, watching you closely. he folds his arms and huh. they’re big. you’ve been so busy being angry at this man for intruding on your peaceful life with just you and your mom and having the nerve to act like he has the right to tell you what to do that you’ve never really thought about how… large he is. you know he’s conventionally attractive, of course you knew that and yeah, in another life you’d probably have tried to hit that at first, but his awful personality has always made him ugly to you. it sours his otherwise beautiful features and twists them into something repugnant. especially that stupid fucking smirk he wears as if he knows anything about you. asshole.

“what it means,” he says, “is i don’t think i’d have all that much trouble setting you straight. but you’re an adult, and i’m not your real father, so i agreed with your mother that i wouldn’t. but watch yourself.” the last sentence is quieter, tacked onto the end like he wasn’t quite sure if he should say it. too right, you think, because it’s fucking creepy.

you snort, rolling your eyes. “what, are you gonna put me over your knee like a little kid or something?”

he raises an eyebrow, lips twitching. he almost looks… amused? “would you want me to?”

oh, fuck this guy. all you were trying to do is illustrate how childishly he’s treating you and he’s acting like you’re the weirdo. “piss off,” you say. “that’s disgusting.”

his eyes flash but he still looks more entertained than aggravated. “you suggested it,” he shrugs. “and i’d certainly like putting you right.”

“yeah,” you spit, “well. forget it.”

you turn on your heel, storming out of the kitchen. well that didn’t go the way you wanted.

-

mingyu watches you retreat with amusement. what a brat. your mother said you would be, but he didn’t expect this. god, his palms twitch every time you walk in the room with a sour expression, or stomp up the stairs at night, or do anything at all, really. he aches to wrap his hands around your throat and set you straight, but he can’t. he can’t.

not yet.

look, he’s not a bad man. he doesn’t want to be a bad husband either; it’s not like he seduced your mom to get to you, or even had any bad intentions with you at all. your mother had told him about you, shown him the photos, and you seemed like a sweet little girl he was looking forward to welcoming into his life.

but fuck. the moment you walked through the door for the first time, looking nervous and irate at the same time. well. clearly the photos your mother had shown him were not recent— you’d grown exponentially since then, blossomed and bloomed in all the right ways. he couldn’t help but reach for his cock absentmindedly when you sat down and your breasts bounced a little in your tight sports bra. thank god he stopped himself. he’s certainly not the type to get off in public like some impotent old coot.

he is, unfortunately, the type to have fucked your mom from the back that night so he could pretend it was your face he was pressing into the pillow.

he hated himself for it, truly. what he hated even more was that, despite the way he lusted after you, he still had an innate need to, well, parent you. he still wanted your chores done and your tests passed and your curfew adhered to. he wanted you to be good.

or maybe he just wanted you to be good for him.

but he finds it more and more difficult to care the tighter his hand wraps around his dick that night, wishing it was splitting you open instead. god, you’d feel so good wrapped around him. he doesn’t know if you’re a virgin - you probably aren’t, knowing what happens at college - but he knows he can make you feel like one. he hopes he never has the chance to find out. he doesn’t even want to think about what would happen if he crossed that line.

that day in the kitchen was the closest he ever got or wants to get; you were just so insolent that he wanted to bend you over then and there to correct the problem. god, he wanted to see his hand prints on your skin and slick leaking out of your hole. and when you bit back and protested everything he said, he almost broke. almost took you. and he caught the way your eyes lingered on his arms, too; the brief spark in your eyes when you finally seemed to admit to yourself that yes, your strict, annoying step dad is hot. he doubts you’d have resisted it, in the end. but in that moment, he didn’t really care. he wanted to break you and rebuild you into a sweet, obedient little stepdaughter. thank god he had self control. well, some. he’s glad your mother was too drunk that night to notice your name slipping from his mouth as he fucked her into the mattress. he gave her another orgasm just to ease his guilty conscience. who cares if i wish it was your daughter squirting all over my face instead?

-

mingyu’s been weird since the kitchen argument. so have you, admittedly, but he’s been weirder. he’s stared at you more, touched you more, scolded you more. and you… well. you’ve let him, to be honest.

you don’t know why. maybe you’re tired of fighting a war in your own house. maybe you feel bad for your mom, who’s desperately trying to piece together a happy family. maybe his arms are somehow getting bigger every time you see them.

today your mother is out, away on a trip with some old college friends. she’d left you under mingyu’s care — despite you being a full-grown adult yourself — and he had reassured her with sickening sweetness that he'd make sure she behaves.

unfortunately, your sleep schedules have aligned recently, so you trudge into the kitchen not long after he does. you sit silently at the table, munching through your cereal and scrolling through social media. you feel his gaze on you even before he speaks.

“are you ever not on your phone?” he asks.

you roll your eyes, huffing. “none of your business,” you grumble. “and yes.”

“hm.” his eyes are narrowed, staring you down through the brim of his glasses. you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “typical,” he says.

“what?”

“a little girl who thinks she knows the world,” he chuckles. “doesn’t realise just how naive she really is.”

“i’m not naive,” you spit. “i’m an adult. i lived alone until the stupid dorm filled up.”

“mm,” he hums. the corner of his lips twitch upwards in a brief smirks, but he shakes it off, returning to his breakfast with a small smile. “whatever you say, sweetheart.”

“fuck off, mingyu,” you mutter before you can think. you’re not sure if you intended for him to hear it— but he does. of course he does. his gaze darts upwards, ice cold.

his voice simmers with rage when he speaks. “what did you just say to me?”

you swallow, a twinge of fear pulling at you. you live to piss him off, you have since you met him, but the way he’s looking at you, the bulging of the veins on his neck and his hands as he clenches his fist against the wood of the table is a little terrifying. you wonder if you’ve gone too far, if you’ve pushed the wrong button, when he finally speaks.

“come here.”

your eyes widen a little and you shake your head. “no.”

“come here, y/n.”

for a moment you’re fearful, hands shaking by your side, but you quickly pull yourself together. mingyu doesn't scare you. this is just another game. you smile, tilting your head in amusement. “what’ll you do if i don’t?” you taunt, snorting to yourself. “call my mom or something?”

his brow tilts, eyes flashing dangerously. “you should be a lot more scared of me than her, little one,” he says, voice low. “i could wreck you in ways you’d never come back from.”

you don’t know what comes over you. every sense in your body tells you to get up and walk away, to stay at a friends house or a hotel until your mother comes home— anywhere where you’re away from this man. but you don’t. instead, your face twists into a scowl as you spit; “do it.”

he moves in on you instantly; before you can register what’s happening he’s out of his seat, pulling you from yours by the hair and pushing your front down onto the table. he presses down on your back, keeping you bent over as his other hand yanks you back by the hair. he leans over you, inches away, breath on your neck as he speaks. “yeah?” he breathes. “want me to ruin you, little girl?”

you squirm, moaning softly at the feeling of his bulge against your ass. through his pyjama pants and your loose sleep shorts, there’s little need for imagination. you swallow thickly, head swimming with a million thoughts but completely unable to make sense of any of them.

you fucking hate mingyu. you hate him with a passion. but his face pressing into your neck and his strong hand pushing you against the table feels so right. and you’re so fucking horny.

you push back, rubbing yourself against his bulge and he straightens back up, staring you down before his hand comes down hard on your thinly-covered ass. you yelp; mingyu is strong.

he snorts, letting his hand fall down again. “you deserve a lot fucking worse than this,” he sneers. “you’re lucky i’m so fucking pent up over you.”

wordlessly he grabs the top of your shorts, yanking them down to the top of your thighs just enough to expose you. he pauses for a moment, then chuckles. “no underwear?”

“s’ my pyjamas,” you mumble, squirming under his gaze. his hand comes down again with a snarled “stay fucking still”.

“you’re such a slut,” he chuckles. “you knew we’d be alone today but you came prancing down in these— can i even call them shorts?” he pulls them down further, letting them fall around your ankles. “that’s better,” he hums.

he leans forward, replacing the hand on your back with his strong forearm, holding you in place while his other hand creeps closer to your pussy. he pauses just short of it, pinching the supple flesh of your inner thigh. “i wonder,” he whispers. “after all this back talk and attitude.” his finger trails closer and closer to your heat and your skin feels hot to the touch. “how wet are you gonna be when i finally touch you?”

he doesn’t give you a chance to respond before two fingers are pressing against your clit, dragging you your folds. you hear the humiliating wetness as he swirls it around his fingers. he hums like he’s making a clinical observation. “very wet indeed,” he says. “doesn't feel like you hate me at all.”

“i d—” you start, but you're cut off when his hand draws back and slaps your pussy harshly. you scream, bucking against the table and he slaps you again in response. “don’t get your slick on my fucking furniture,” he snarls. “fucking cunt.”

you sob, feeling drool pooling on the wood as his fingers return to play with your pussy before pushing inside. he makes a noise of appreciation, starting to pump in and out. “fucking tight, aren’t ya?” he chuckles. “could almost have me fooled into thinking you’re not a fucking whore.”

“i’m not a whore,” you pout.

you hear him laugh quietly, and then he’s leaning over you again, grabbing your hair with those slick-covered fingers that had been stretching you open just a moment ago.

“you are now,” he whispers.

-

my first svt fic!! feedback welcome and comments/reblogs appreciated. requests open! love🖤🖤🖤

taglist open!

[cillianhead]

Heeyy, love your work💜 aaand I was wondering could you write dad's Bestfriend! Cillian and how your dad keeps asking Cillian to go on a double date with him and his wife since he's been single for a while, but Cillian doesn't want to and (you're at your house) or then somehow you and him end up in the same place later and talk about it? one of you confesses they're glad he didn't go cos they had feelings for the other and then things get heated 😉😉

Sorry if it's all over the place, I have so many little ideas in my brain rn lol

Thank you☺️

Thank you so much for your request, I've literally been thinking sooooo much about the idea of Dad's BestFriend! Cillian and how I wanted to write about it, I hope this is what you were looking for!

Enjoy <3

Illicit Affairs || Dad's BestFriend! Cillian Murphy x Reader

warnings: SMUT, age gap (Cillian is in his 40s, reader is in her 20s), taboo relationship, unprotected P in V, oral sex (f receiving), a bit angsty, having to hide their relationship, jealousy, some homophobic comments I guess?? (not from Cillian), general adult content!! (Cillian isn't an actor/famous in this also he moved to America... in this!) (Also this fic is quite long... so that's a warning!)

18+ Minors DNI

Cillian Murphy was that charming Irish man who lived just down your street. He had moved there around five or six years ago, you couldn't really remember, it was when you were just seventeen. He had moved here in the hopes of getting away from his ex-wife back in Ireland and starting over. Your dad was incredibly welcoming to him when he first moved in and they quickly became good buddies. Your dad was into sports and drinking beer, cooking out on the grill, and all that classic dad stuff. Cillian enjoyed that stuff too but he was much more into the arts than your dad ever could be. You two bonded over that. Cillian taught you how to play guitar, you'd write songs together, you'd go to concerts of bands you both liked.

Now you were twenty-four, in your last year of college and Cillian was still around, you still got together and went to concerts or played the guitar together every now and then, though you were more busy now and so was he. You'd had a crush on him ever since you had laid your eyes on him but you understood why it was wrong, understood why he was off limits. You couldn't help but grow jealous though when you'd see him bring home women every now and then and then see them leaving in the morning. It wasn't an occasion that happened often but it got on your nerves regardless, you knew you had no right to feel that way. But it still made you feel sick to your stomach.

Of course, you'd had a couple of boyfriends, none of them were all that serious. You hated yourself for comparing them to him, knowing no man could ever compare to the man that Cillian is. Your dad was oblivious to your (not-so) little crush. You had to keep it that way, not that anything was ever going to happen between you but you knew your dad would be uncomfortable with the idea of you having a crush on one of his best buddies.

"Cillian's comin' over tonight, Y/N." Your dad popped his head into your room, you just nodded and smiled before he left. You still lived at home since you studied not too far from home, your parents were more than happy to let you live there for as long as you needed but you had plans of moving out soon, as soon as you graduated.

"Thanks, Dad... I already know that." You chuckled. Your mom was downstairs cooking dinner and you had also received text messages from the man himself, earlier that day informing you he was coming over, so you were very much aware that he was coming over.

Cillian: Can't wait to see you. It's been a while, kid. xxx

You'd read the message over and over and over again. Your heart fluttered each time you did so. You hated how he called you 'kid', you were a grown woman, you weren't a kid anymore. You really hated it because you knew you didn't hate it. In fact, the nickname made you all shy and giggly, it made you like him even more.

It was around six when your mom called out for you that dinner was ready. You had tried your best to look nice, for whatever reason that may be. It wasn't anything too crazy or too dressy but it was definitely nicer than how you'd normally dress when you had guests over. A small black skirt that was a bit risky with how short it was but you could definitely get away with wearing it and a tight long-sleeved black shirt, tucked into it. You could hear chattering from the dining room, the sound of Cillian's chortling made you smile as you entered the room to find yourself meeting the back of the head of an unfamiliar blonde woman, sitting next to Cillian, and making him laugh. Your smile had dropped.

"Oh, sweetie!" Your mom waved you over to the table, the food had been served, both parents sitting on either end of the table while you had to sit and face Cillian and this strange blonde lady. Was this his girlfriend? You knew it had been around a month or so since you'd last seen him but surely he hadn't gotten a girlfriend in such a short amount of time. "This is Cassandra... we've been friends since college, I thought it would be nice to introduce her to Cillian... I've always said how I thought they'd get along."

You just nodded politely, looking Cillian in the eyes to see the discomfort staring back at you. Cassandra was beaming, as any woman should be if she sat beside Cillian, you just glared as you prepared your plate of food. You remained civil, of course, nodding along to things being said and laughing extra hard at jokes your dad tried to make. But you couldn't get rid of the big fat elephant in the room, Cassandra. She was pretty enough, with long blonde hair (obviously bleached, you thought), and makeup done elegantly but it was a bit much. Lip fillers to the max and smooth botox-filled skin. But the thing was... her perfume was obnoxiously loud for a smell. It filled the room like someone had bombed the place with perfume-scented grenades and it absolutely ruined the food. You don't know how Cillian could just sit there, breathing in her perfume without vomiting all over the place. You were sitting across the table and it was horrible, practically on the verge of a migraine, how bad must it be having to sit right next to her?

You scolded yourself silently for trying to put down this woman in your head. She hadn't done anything wrong except breathe near Cillian. It wasn't her fault you had some sort of weird jealousy issues when it came to him.

"...What... what do you do for work, Cassandra?" Cillian asked politely before taking a bite from his fork, looking at Cassandra with genuine interest. That made your gut churn.

"Oh... well I actually work for the Catholic church just around the corner," Cassandra smiled. "I actually go around... um... telling people about Catholicism and its benefits, trying to get them to join." You took a sip of your wine with a cheeky grin on your face as you saw Cillian's discomfort with her response. You knew fully well he had no issue with people practicing religion but you knew how he felt for people to go around and shove their beliefs down people's throats. With the slightest bit of alcohol running through your veins, you found some courage to feign interest in her line of 'work'.

"That's really interesting, Cassie," You hummed delightfully, your parents looked over at you cautiously. You knew you had crossed a line by calling her 'Cassie'. "What are your thoughts on gay people?" The room went silent. The drop of a pin could be heard.

Her face went beet red at this question. Your mom gave you a disappointed look before faking a smile. Cillian looked amused before turning to Cassandra, everyone waiting for her response.

"I... erm...." She was looking around the room. Now maybe you had guessed wrong, maybe she was totally fine with gay people but you had a feeling her answer was going to be the complete opposite of that. "I think... if someone wishes... to live that lifestyle... then they should... keep it to themselves..." You cringed at that response. "I think God... I think God would not approve of... that sort of lifestyle." Bazinga. Cillian was immediately put off.

"I didn't realize you spoke for God himself." Cillian chuckled as he looked down into his glass of wine with that mischievous smile that mirrored your own. The two of you giggled at each other, Cillian seemed sort of relieved in a way that he didn't have to deal with this bozo of a woman anymore and your jealousy had disappeared along with the food on your plate.

Eventually, Cassandra left hurriedly. Your mom scolded you for being rude but you just shrugged it off. Cillian stuck around to hang out with your dad as you and your mom cleaned the dishes, you could hear them chattering on the back porch, probably about the latest baseball game or your dad trying to convince Cillian to come over one day for a barbecue.

"Go bring these to your father and Cillian, sweetie." Your mom hands a pack of beer which you take carefully as you nod.

Walking out to the back veranda, Cillian sat with a cigarette in between his lips. How could someone be so pretty? You sat the beers down on the small coffee table before turning back around to keep helping your mom but were quickly stopped by Cillian's hands curling around your wrist. Electric jolts ran through you with his touch. "Why don't you join us, kid?" Cillian hummed.

"Alright." You politely sat down beside him, he sat in between you and your father. It was a lovely summer's night, the crickets chirped and the sun was only just setting at almost nine at night. It was quiet and peaceful and warm. Cillian's presence especially helped provide that atmosphere.

You tucked your legs up into your chest, you and Cillian occasionally sharing glances at each other while your dad and he continued to talk about subjects that didn't capture your interest. Every time he looked at you, you felt like you could explode, his eyes so captivating and simply electrifying. "Here, love." Cillian passed the cigarette over to you, and you took a small drag. Your dad gave you a disapproving look but shook it off as you passed it back, letting out the bellowing smoke from the chambers of your lungs and mouth.

"Weird seein' my little girl smoking a cigarette," Your father grumbled, cracking open a cold one and handing it over to Cillian. "S'not right, you've grown up too fast." While he opened himself a beer, Cillian laid his eyes on you, sucking in the thick smoke of his fag.

You just rolled your eyes at your father's comment. "If it makes you feel better... the only time I have ever smoked a cigarette is when I've been around Cillian." You giggled, looking over at Cillian to see him tilting his head at you, playfully nudging you.

"Hey," He whispered. "Don't dob me in, kid!" His voice was low and husky, you felt yourself squeeze a little at the tremor his tone caused.

Grasping your lip in between your bottom lip you just shook your head as you leaned your head against the wall of the house, staring out at the sunset. You sat out there for a little while, sharing puffs of the cigarette with Cillian until your dad got up, grumbling somethin' about how he was going to help your mother. Leaving you and Cillian alone together. Alone.

"Your parents are pretty eager to hook me up with someone," Cillian said, breaking the silence between you.

"Yeah?" You sucked in a breath.

"Yeah," He took a sip of his beer, setting it down on the table before stretching an arm back and laying it behind you, his hand gently resting on your shoulder. You were flustered, being so close to him, in this sort of dim lighting. "Apparently, I'm goin' out this Saturday to go on a double date wit' your folks... and some woman named Naomi."

You bit back a scowl. "Oh... that's nice..." You lied through your teeth, Cillian just let out an amused huff. It gave off the impression he was irritated with something but you couldn't quite pick up on why he would be annoyed. He wanted you to stand up and tell him to stay, to tell him to be with you instead, he wanted you to be angry, he thought.

You knew who Naomi was. She worked with your dad, you had met her a few times. She was incredibly bright, charming, and nonetheless beautiful, ageing gracefully. Cillian and her were going to get along quite well, in fact, you felt yourself grow sad over the fact they would probably flourish as a couple. You and Cillian sat in silence for a little while longer, you didn't know what else to say. You felt ashamed that this wasn't just a crush you had, you harbored genuine and strong feelings for him that you knew he could never reciprocate. It was wrong. But how could you not want to be with him? He was the best man you'd ever met. Cillian was kind, he understood your silence, and he made you laugh until your ribs hurt. He comforted you like no other, without even trying and god... he was magnetic, the most handsome man you'd ever seen.

"She's not the woman I'm interested in though," Cillian groused, his fingers fiddling with the sleeve of your shirt, his thumb occasionally brushing over the bare skin on your shoulder. You turned your head to look at him with a frown. His face perfectly aligned with yours, hot breath on your face, his pale blue eyes lit up by the rising moon. You could kiss him at that moment... but you wouldn't. You shouldn't. "Y/N..." He took in a deep breath, and your heart raced, it seemed like he was about to confess something. "I..."

"Come on! Let me walk ya home!" Your dad stepped out, and you immediately hopped up and out of the seat, not wanting your dad to see the close proximity you and Cillian were in, not that anything was happening between you two. Not that your dad would see anything you were feeling at that moment. "Sorry was I interrupting something?" Your dad murmured obliviously, disappointment painting both of your faces.

"No... no... I'd better be goin'," Cillian stood up, brushing himself off before pulling you into a tight hug. "See ya round, kid." He whispered into your hair before letting go of you, he gave you a longing stare before turning away.

"Bye, Cillian..."

Your heart sank as you watched him go. Curiosity that ate away at you bubbled in your stomach. What was he going to tell you? Surely... it's not what you were thinking? Sitting in your room that night, you struggled to think about anything else. You hated the idea of Cillian meeting this Naomi woman and falling in love with her. You hated that you felt like you had some sort of possession over him, he wasn't yours and he never would be.

Stormy Saturday rolled around and you had no plans, you just watched your parents get ready for this double date of theirs as you wallowed in self-pity and the sky opened up, just as moody as you were. They pestered you on why you were so grumpy, you just shrugged them off, blaming it on hormones. With every step they took towards the door, your heart broke more and more. You wished them goodbye before sitting on the couch with a tub of ice cream to soothe away the pain. An hour went by and you figured the date had started by now, Naomi and Cillian were probably planning their marriage straight away and you would have to watch him give himself away, you would have to sit in the church pews and resist from standing up and screaming when the minister asks if anyone has any objections. You imagined yourself watching their first dance, watching Cillian stand up and tell the world how she's the most amazing woman he's ever known and that he loves her. You imagined having to congratulate him, you imagined growing old and alone, still just as in love with him as you are now. You groaned at your silly thoughts.

"Get over yourself." You said through gritted teeth, talking to yourself as you bit back tears.

You had some stupid rom-com on, only further reminding you of how painfully alone you were and how desperately you wished to be the one Cillian wanted. You were quickly pulled out of your thoughts by your phone buzzing beside you, quickly picked it up when you saw it was your dad calling.

"Hey dad, how's it going?" You asked with a casual hum, plopping another bit of the vanilla ice cream into your mouth.

"Have you seen Cillian? He's yet to arrive." Your dad sounded worried, he was never a worrier. "He said he was going to show up earlier but we haven't heard from him since... have you heard from him?"

"No, I haven't, is he okay... do you think?" You sat up fully now, setting the ice cream aside. It wasn't like Cillian to not respond at all for so long. If he wasn't going to show up, he'd at least let the people know. You hear a loud strike of lightning outside, shaking the room.

"I don't know, I don't know, Y/N, it's been an hour and a half, he should be here..." Your dad grumbles. You can hear the sound of your mom apologizing to someone else, no doubt Naomi was the person she was apologizing to. Sorry, your future husband hasn't arrived, you imagined her saying. "Alright, I'm gonna go, we're gonna stick around here for a little longer... call me if you hear from him."

The call ends and you're left with an uneasy feeling in your chest. What if Cillian was hurt? You tried to brush away that feeling, getting up and putting the ice cream back in the freezer and the spoon in the sink. A knock at your front door, as loud as the thunder outside made you jump about halfway across the kitchen. Who would be knocking at this time? Especially during this weather?

You rush to the door, the rain pouring out, the trees just about to be ripped out of the ground with how harsh the wind was and you open the door, scowling at the wind.

"Y/N." Cillian gasped out, he looked straight out of a movie scene. Soaking wet. He took a step in, dripping all over the place. His eyebrows furrowed together as he approached you.

"Cillian, what? What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed, shutting the door. "My parents are worried sick about you!"

"I...."

"Why aren't you at your date?" You interrupted, scolding him like a naughty child. He was shivering as he took off his sopping coat, leaving him in a white button-up shirt that was equally soaked. It didn't leave much to the imagination, with the already somewhat translucent material and the water leaking through. It stuck to every inch of his skin like cellophane, his nipples peeked through, his chest and stomach on full display. You stopped yourself from checking him out any further, growing flustered as you felt him corner you in the living room. He had a wild look in his eyes.

"Cillian?" You ask again, concerned. His hair was sticking to his forehead, his eyes locked on you. He didn't seem to really care that he was as wet as a dog.

"Y/N..."

"Cillian..." You repeated.

His eyes said everything he was thinking. Hunger, love, and deep untamed desperation. You winced a bit at the feeling of hand cupping your face. "I love you." He whispered and you gasped.

"Cillian..." You whispered back, hesitant to respond to what he just said. "Have you... have you had something to drink tonight?"

"I'm completely sober, kid," He grunted as he leaned in to kiss you, hot breath on your neck as you quickly turned your cheek to him. You pushed him away, you knew this was wrong. You took a step away from him, and Cillian gave you a look of hurt. "Y/N, baby, I need to tell you this. I have to know you feel the same way." His voice was shaking. The room shook with him, you sat down on your sofa and curled your body up into a tiny ball. "Look at me, kid, look at me." "Don't call me kid!" You yelled with tears in your eyes, finally looking him in the eyes. Cillian jumped a bit at the sudden outburst, it wasn't like you to yell.

"Y/N..." Cillian whispered, a look of hurt.

"We... we can't... I don't know... what's going on right now... but this isn't right... you're my dad's best friend..."

"And you're my best friend's daughter," He sat beside you, placing his hand on your thigh and the other on your chin, making you look at him. "But it doesn't.... it doesn't change these feelings... I have for you."

"Why?" You shook your head away, trying to hide the hot tears that slipped down your face. "Why would you have feelings for me? You could have anyone... and you decide me." "I didn't decide this," Cillian sighed, he leaned in and pressed his face into your warm shoulder. His cold wet hair tickles along your jawline. "But I want you... it doesn't matter... any woman could beg to have me... I'd still want you, Y/N. No one else matters... I need you." Your heart ached. It felt like Cillian had wrapped his warm hand around your poor heart and squeezed it until warm raspberry jam spilled out of his fist. You felt torn.

"Don't cry, baby..." His voice was low and every bit of you wanted to fling yourself at him, to confess your undying love, to run away to Paris with him and never come back. The way he called you baby was delectable. But you couldn't stop thinking about your parents, about the look on their faces if they saw this. "Y/N... baby..." "Stop calling me baby..." You cried, turning your face full of anguish towards him. Cillian's lip quivered, thumb swiping away your tears. "I don't... I don't get it. I just don't get it, Cillian... why... you? Why... me?"

"You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met, kid..." Cillian's petal-like lips whispered to you oh-so-gently. Your eyes locked on the way his mouth moved as he spoke. "I... I know it's wrong, I know I'm a fuckin' creep... for feeling this way for you... I'm old enough to be your goddamn father... I've known you since you were... just seventeen-"

"How long... have you... you known...?"

"Since you came home from your trip to California last year..." He replied all too quickly. "I saw you with that stupid boy... Kyle or whatever the fuck his bloody name was and all I saw was red... I didn't... I couldn't handle seeing you with him." You bit back a smile. "You're too good... for any of those college boys..." He grumbled. "A lady like you... she needs to be treated right."

You can treat me right Cillian, you thought. "I've never wanted them... the way I've wanted you..." "Fuck..." He let out quietly, biting his own lip in response. "You can't say things like that." His blue eyes were just a sliver of what they once were, pupils were blown wide as if he were high from just staring at you. "Most brilliant girl... fuck... that last gig we went to... I wanted to wrap me arm around you and kiss you silly... claim you as mine... but... I was too afraid."

"What gave you the courage?"

"I've just had enough," Cillian swiped another tear off your cheek. "Had enough of waiting... I can't wait any longer..."

"I can't wait any longer either... it's been eating away at me, the idea of you with anyone else. I just... I can't picture you with anyone else."

Cillian grinned at you, still shivering from his wet clothes. You put him out of his misery, connecting your lips. After all this time, what felt like an eternity, you kissed. The oxygen around you no longer mattered, you had each other to breathe in now. This kiss was not slow and romantic, it was violent like you were trying to consume each other, trying to see who could win in this cannibalistic fight. His hands grasped at your waist, pulling you onto his lap and wetting your clothes with his soggy ones.

"Take my shirt off..." He whispered, he didn't have to ask you twice.

You unbuttoned his shirt as best you could while it was wet before ripping it open and revealing his delicious skin. "You're so pretty, Cillian..." This moment was surreal. The man of your dreams, twenty years older than you, with crow's feet and grey hairs, and the most beautiful soul you had ever found, sitting in front of you with his body on display for you. Your soulmate. You both had known it for a long time now. Making out on your couch was unacceptable to Cillian so he picked you up and carried you upstairs with your legs wrapped around his slim waist.

He had been in your room plenty of times before but never for reasons like this. Never with the desire to rip all your clothes off and crawl inside you. Cillian closed and locked the door behind you before throwing you down onto your well-cushioned bed. You watched him slide out of his shoes and pull off the sticky shirt that draped off his shoulders. Now he was completely shirtless and was prowling towards you like a tiger to its prey. "Gonna take your clothes off of now, love, is that alright?" He asked quickly, fingers slipping underneath the waistband of your shorts. You nodded desperately, your brain lost in some sort of fog of disbelief and horniness.

"God..." You whispered as you helped him shimmy off your shorts and you pulled your shirt quickly over your head. Leaving you in nothing but some small boxer shorts. He grinned madly.

"S'pretty..." His hands slid up your waist until both hands cupped each of your tits in his hands. "Fucking hell, kid." You rolled your head back at him calling you that, groaning at how it turned you on and gasping as you felt his hot mouth latch itself onto your hard nipple.

"Cillian... oh my god!" Your fingers tugged on his hair before he pulled off of you with a pop.

His lips were quickly back on yours as he pulled down your shorts, now you were completely naked and he knelt down on his knees so his face was perfectly aligned with what was between your legs. Your pussy was already soaking wet for him, he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your clit. "You are the most beautiful thing..." He whispered, staring directly at your throbbing cunt. "And the sweetest." His mouth worked deliciously on you and as if his tongue wasn't already enough, he slipped a finger into you, fingering at your g-spot.

"Oh!" You writhed around on the sheets, thighs tightly locked around his head, wet hair sticking to your soft skin. He was truly devouring you, like a man who had been malnourished for years, he feasted on you as if you were his last meal. And when you came on his face, he moaned loudly. The orgasm crept on you and hit you out of nowhere, you couldn't hold in the noises that came out of your throat.

You were delirious as you lay there, whining as he continued to finger you. "Fuck... I could eat your pussy all night long, baby," Cillian panted, chin dripping in your juices. "But I've gotta be inside ya."

"I'm... on the pill..." You murmured out, he pulled his finger out of you, sucking it clean as he undid his slacks. He moaned lowly at your words, letting his pants and underwear fall to his ankles. Cillian carried you up until your head rested on the pillows now. It was romantic the way he was handling you, the moment was so intimate as he stroked his cock, lining it up with your wanting hole. "I've thought about this... for so long..." "Me too, baby." Cillian huffed, rolling his eyes back into his skull as he fit the head of his cock into your pussy, pushing the rest in there slowly but surely. You arched your back against him, whimpering as he pressed fully into you. "So good." Cillian groaned as he leaned down and bit down on your lip, pulling it away and watching it pop back into place before properly kissing you. You made out while he remained still inside of you, his hands on either side of your head as your tongues twisted together. The first thrust sent your body into a state of euphoria as he began picking up the pace, rocking his hips in and out of you. Your fingers ran scratches up and down his back. Your bed old and creaky, slamming against the wall as soon as he fucked you hard and fast while remaining still so painfully romantic.

"I love you," You gasped out. "I love you... Cillian!"

"I fuckin' love you so much," His head hung low, and you got the perfect view of him above you. His face flushed and his eyes fixed on your own face full of pleasure. "You're mine, all mine... and I'm yours."

"All mine..." You repeated with a moan, clenching around him, feeling your own high slowly begin to grow.

"You're takin' me so good," Cillian's praise made you throb, his grunting making you gush around him. "My good girl, my best girl."

The look of love in his eyes and in your own could be seen a thousand miles away. Your souls' grand reunion, your bodies becoming one, and your love finally coming out into the open, like a beautiful fruitful spring after a long and dark winter. "I'm close, Cillian."

"Cum around me, love, I wanna feel you come undone." "I want you to cum inside me..." "Fuck," He groaned, hips stuttering into you. "I'll give ya what you want since you asked so nicely." Your vision went white, ears ringing as your hot sweaty bodies pressed together, fitting so perfectly together. Never had anyone made you cum like this before. Your orgasm washes over you in foamy waves, like a stormy ocean hitting the shore over and over and over again. Cillian's rhythm slowed down as he rutted into you, warm cum filling you, and you felt so relieved, this was how it was always meant to be. His lips pressed sloppy kisses to your neck, moaning directly into your ear, both of you riding out your intense highs.

He stilled, letting a bit more of his seed spill into you before he hissed as he pulled out. Cillian lay beside you, wrapping an arm around you as shook softly, still feeling the effects of your own orgasm hitting you. His eyes examined you so gently, a dopey smile on his fairy-like face and his hair beginning to grow curly from how wet it was.

"Cillian..." You whispered, rolling over onto your side to look at him. "I love you." "I love you, kid." He whispered back, holding you like he had the world in his arms. To him, you were his world.

"We'll be okay, right?" "We just... have to keep this a secret... from your parents..." Cillian said, disappointment evident in his voice.

"Yeah... I know..." You pressed your face into his bare chest, loving the warmth. "Cillian... I wish you knew how strongly I felt about you."

"I feel the same way."

You shared sweet nothings with each other. Still, in disbelief, this was actually happening as you fell asleep with smiles on your faces, in each other's arms. Unfortunately in the morning, you'd have to suffer the consequences of your dad walking in on you and Cillian resting peacefully in your bed.

-

hi! sorry this was so long but i hope you enjoyed <3

also sorry if there are any major mistakes!

[terraliensvent]

https://www.tumblr.com/terraliensvent/762628974139637760/httpsdocsgooglecomdocumentd1hedsgxllpfwh2z

You know, as much as I very much dislike Gin/Shark and think that they seriously need to get the hell off of the internet, this whole document really just feels like you’re exposing a heavy conversation that was told to you in confidence. It also has absolutely nothing to do with Terraliens other than the screenshots at the start of the document (which have no relation to the main points being made in the body of the doc).

Yes, it’s a lot to unload onto a 16-year-old, but OP reached out to Gin/Shark first to ask them if they were okay. And then continued the conversation / showed no signs of asking Gin/Shark to stop or let them know they were uncomfortable with the topics at hand. Which would give Gin/Shark the impression that it was fine to vent to you. If you truly didn’t want them dumping all of those things onto you, you should’ve told them that! Or nicely let them know that they should be telling this to a professional and not you: a 16-year-old stranger on the internet.

Also, Gin/Shark is only 19 iirc. As someone who’s in their late 20s, you don’t just automatically mature and become a grown ass adult once you turn 18. Y’all are pretty close in age, so trying to pull the “uuuuuh uh I’m a minor they shouldn’t be talking to me about this” card doesn’t quite work here. You just look like an asshole “friend” for betraying their trust and publicly airing out all the dirty laundry of their relationship with Coy that they vented to you privately. I sincerely hope Gin/Shark doesn’t find out that you posted this online because this is the last thing they need if they really are going to get better mentally.

If you’re gonna make a Google doc exposing them for something, this isn’t it. This just looks shitty on both OP and the mod of this blog’s part for not thinking that through.

post related

in MY opinion, 16 and 19 is a weird gap to be dropping all your incredibly heavy baggage on, at worst this is like a high school sophomore talking to someone who graduated 2 years ago.

also i find it weird you say "OP reached out first," especially since the ORIGINAL screenshots in the doc (and assumedly the first of these "vent" convos) is them reaching out and saying "are you ok? do you wanna talk about it?" and civ immediately jumping to "i stopped taking my meds and im coping with alcohol." thats an insane leap to make. i also find it weird that veal had to manage the emotions of civ, checking their college schedule and making sure they do their morning routine and whatnot, and the spam in dms when they were in class and away for an hour. these are weird behaviors between two people of any age.

im also gonna add this reply i grabbed from the snugzi blog (who also posted the doc):

its weird youre putting responsibility on the younger person to manage the emotions of the older person while also saying "if they didnt want to talk they should have said so," instead of saying it was incredibly irresponsible of civ to traumadump onto them, and its THEIR responsibility as the older person to check themself.

and as an additional note, from this screen you can infer that civ would primarily talk to veal to vent. you can see a prior conversation form a week before where veal is reassuring them again. im not saying this is rock solid proof, but from this you can ASSUME that civ might have just been using veal as a vent dump. again, assume, so take it with a grain of salt.

my conclusion is that its not the responsibility of the younger person who is being traumadumped on to say "you should see a professional about this instead of a 16 year old on the internet!!" that should be the responsibility of the 19 year old who is dropping incredibly sensitive info on them and spamming them every 10 minutes when they dont respond for an hour. and thats not even mentioning the power dynamic possibility.

when a friendship causes one of the members to reach out to a completely anonymous blog saying "I don't know how to get out of this relationship now just realizing what the extent of their actions is, I don't know what to do and it's scaring the fuck out of me," maybe that's not really a good friendship

[boybandbaby]

Grown Ups Grow Apart

Pairing: Bestfriend!Eddie x reader, Eddie x Steve, Eddie x Reader (It's a mess all over honestly.)

Summary: Eddie and you are best friends but things become complicated over time.

Word Count: 4K+

Notes: I was high when I thought of this but sober when I wrote it. All mistakes and confusion are mine lol. I just kept writing whatever my mind came up with so this might be super confusing. I might make a part 2 or series if there's a demand for it. This is a modern au. THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THIS SONG

Warnings: cuss words, mean words between Eddie and you/ reader, if there's anything I missed please let me know.

I saw your picture in a box last night

Seems I'm always unpacking, yeah, I moved again

Did I tell you that?

It got me thinking

I've been missing you, thought of calling you

Yeah I wanted to

But I got anxious 'cause that's what adults do

And they start looking back

Don't you hate that

You were currently packing up your room, moving back to Hawkins by the end of the week. You had grown up there most of your life and had to move right after your senior year of high school. Now you were in your mid 20’s, headed back for a new job.

As you packed you decided to throw out things you didn’t want or need. This meant you had to go through every area and item you owned. As you reached down under your bed, you pulled the box you had shoved there the day you moved in about 5 years ago. The metal lunchbox covered in stickers of well known bands and local bands that you had seen with Eddie. Eddie. Your best friend or ex best friend from Hawkins. You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night before you left.

The Polaroid was the last picture of you and Eddie together. You were in your cap and gown, arm around Eddie’s shoulders as you both smiled at the camera. Unfortunately, Eddie was held back so he didn’t graduate with you. You never judged him for it knowing all his childhood trauma and struggles. You wondered what he was up to. Was he still in a band? Did he still love d&d? That you assumed was still true. Was he single? How was Wayne? Did Eddie graduate? Did he finally move out of Hawkins like you both always planned? You selfishly hoped he was still in Hawkins and that you could see him. Hear his voice again.

You wanted to hear his voice everyday that you were away. You wanted to call him, apologize for the things you said and the way you left. Left him alone in a shitty town with shitty people who judged him. Made him feel like a freak and an outcast. The same way you treated him when you left.

Now you're weighing on my thoughts tonight

Can you explain this

How can you know everything and nothing about my life

At the same time

Time is crazy, I don't know where all my life has gone

I told you secrets, did you keep them, do you miss home

When you start looking back

To those basements and backyard dances

Our song, the front seat of my jeep

In love and taking chances

The night you looked at me and said

Time won't fly, I won't let it

Promise you won't forget it

The way that it is, the way that we are

'Cause kids grow up and grown ups grow apart

Grown ups grow apart, ah

Eddie knew everything about your life from social media and a mutual friend, Gareth. You and Gareth occasionally texted, never really being close but being friends when he met Eddie. Eddie knew what your job was and what you currently looked like and where you lived and sometimes hung out. What he didn’t know was the personal things like your daily routine, current obsessions, or even your favorite color.

He knows your deepest and darkest secrets, well your old secrets. He’s sure you have new ones and he’s almost certain you share those with someone else now (you don’t). The idea that you have a new best friend, someone you dance with, sing with, laugh with, cuddle with, hurts his heart. Those were things you were allowed to do with others but only saved for him. He was the only person who saw you freely be yourself. You’d sing with your chest and dance like no one was watching (Eddie was ALWAYS watching), laugh from your belly even if it meant snorting or wheezing out loud and snuggle up tight with him.

He remembered the last time you cuddled together. During the summer right after graduation. It was hot and humid but you both still snuggled up together. An old, raggedy blanket thrown on the patches of dirt and grass in Wayne’s backyard. It was the night you told him you were moving. Two weeks, he remembers. You were leaving in two weeks. He only had you for two more weeks. You both promised to always be best friends. Promised each other to text and call and write to each other and even visit when you could. None of that happened. Promises were broken and time flew. 5 years had flown by without a single moment of contact.

Do you remember summer '09

On my birthday

After dinner, you introduced me to the guy you liked

Now in hindsight

You're so beautiful, I was insecure and I won't lie

It was my birthday and I wanted him and I hate

That I could hurt your feelings like that, yeah

And I can't take it back

It was your 18th birthday. You and Eddie had made plans to go to dinner, somewhere outside of Hawkins to make a big deal out of it. It was the year you were officially becoming an adult after all and Eddie was proud of everything you accomplished this year even if you felt like you accomplished nothing. After, you would go to the store and scan the shelves and racks for things you would never buy with an ice cream or shake in your hand. Tonight was different. Eddie had said he had plans afterwards with a guy he liked. You knew Eddie was bisexual, he had told you he was unsure of his sexuality in middle school. He fully embraced it (between the two of you) during high school. You were the only person that knew.

So when you both stepped out of the restaurant after sharing a family size bowl of pasta, you were shocked to see Steve Harrington leaning against his car, arms crossed, waiting for Eddie. You had driven you both to the restaurant in your beat up Jeep, telling Eddie he had to finally let you drive and pick the music. He agreed as part of your birthday gift (the other part of your gift being Eddie’s presence and him paying for dinner).

“Y/n, you know Steve right?” Eddie smiled, awkwardly hugging Steve.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” You replied, looking at your shoes as you stuck your hand out. Of course you knew Steve. Who didn’t? You had found him cute since freshman year. You never told Eddie because you thought he would’ve made fun of you having a crush on a jock.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Steve smiled. God, he was handsome. The way his hair fell slightly against his forehead, his jeans hugging his thighs, his arms straining against his t-shirt. You wanted him. You wanted to steal him from Eddie. You didn’t want Eddie to have him. You were a horrible friend.

You began to get jealous when Eddie would hang out with you less during senior year. You began to get jealous when he gained more friends. People he and Steve had in common and who played d&d with him. You would shut him out when he did try to hang out or meet up. The loneliness made senior year emotionally more stressful but allowed you to focus on your plans for after. During the summer you spent a little more time with Eddie knowing you couldn’t use school as an excuse anymore. Then came the news that you were moving. You knew he’d be okay without you. He had more than enough friends to fill your absence.

The two weeks between you dropping the bomb that you were moving was filled with amazing moments between you and Eddie. You had began to cry as you laid on his chest but Eddie told you to stop. You still had two weeks he said. So you wiped your tears and made the best of the time together. Then, the night of your fight and end of your friendship.

You both were sitting in his van, hotboxing and listening to your shared playlist. A mix of both his and your favorite tunes. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving.” He sighed as smoke left his mouth. He took another hit before passing it to you.

“But we’ll still be friends right?” You smile softly, “and when you graduate you’ll come live with me somewhere far away and we’ll make a life for ourselves.”

“Right.” He snorted.

“What do you mean?” You passed the joint back to him.

“You think I’m getting out of here? I already flunked school once, it’s just going to get worse from here.” He brushed some ash off of his jeans.

“So what? It was a one time thing. You’ll graduate in another year and can be on your way.” You stopped his hand, noticing there wasn’t anymore ash to brush off.

“You’ve always been naive y/n.” He pushes your hand off his thigh. “I’m not smart like you. I don’t have a plethora of opportunities like you.”

“What are you even talking about? You’re literally so smart.” You pull your hand into your lap. “Remember when you scored higher than me on that history test? You didn’t even study, you just knew the concepts and stuff.”

“I guessed on most of the test y/n. Mrs. Borris thought I cheated remember? Even called Wayne and had us in the principals office.” He rested his head back against the window of the van, the velvet curtain giving him a small sort of pillow.

“You’re still smart in other aspects Eddie.” You shrug.

“I hate when you do that.” He groans and closes his eyes.

“Do what?” You glare at him. “Sit here?”

“You make me feel like shit when you invalidate my feelings.” He finally takes another puff and doesn’t bother passing it to you. “I’m telling you how I feel and you’re trying to tell me the opposite.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel like shit. I just think you’re hard on yourself when you shouldn’t be. You’re seriously one of the best people I know. You are smart Eddie. And really strong and such a hard worker. I just don’t understand why you have to put yourself down.”

“It’s because that’s how I feel. You’re leaving and you’re going to do amazing things. I’m here y/n. I’ll never leave this place.” You can hear the way his throat closes slightly, he’s choking on a sob.

“I’ll always be here for you Eddie.” You scoot closer to him. “And you have Steve and Dustin and Robin while I’m away. They’re cool people.”

“It’ll be easier for me when you leave. I don’t have to compare myself to you and wonder why you’re friends with me.” He says. That’s when you snap.

“Damn it Eddie! You’re making me feel like shit now! Why can’t you just accept that I love you for who you are and I love being your friend.” You groan, slipping your shoes back on. “It’s like I have to justify all my actions with you.” You crawl over to the metal door and open it, slipping out and onto the pavement. You turn back and he’s already exiting the van with you. “I’m glad I’m leaving too. I won’t have to hear your shit anymore.”

“I’ll fucking help you pack if it means you get out of here faster.” He throws the joint on the ground and stomps on it unnecessarily hard.

“No need. I don’t want your nasty ass hands touching any of my stuff.” You growl. It was the only insult you could think of. “Wouldn’t want you anywhere near my stuff, you’d probably curse it with your Satanism.” Now you are grasping for straws. Anything that would hurt him as much as he’s hurting you.

“Oh so now I’m a freak? Just like everyone’s been saying?” He slams the back door not before grabbing your bag. “You’re pathetic using that as an insult y/n.” He tosses your bag at your feet. Good thing you didn’t have anything valuable in it other than your wallet and some gum.

“I’m pathetic? You’re the one who’s a legal adult and still in high school.” You pick up your bag. When Eddie doesn’t reply, you look up. His eyes are watery and his cheeks are pink with embarrassment. You’d always told him he wasn’t stupid or weird and told him not to feel bad about being held back. Now you were spewing every insecurity at him.

With a shaky voice he replies, “well you know what? I’m sorry that I’m your only friend. When you realize you’re lonely in a new town and have no one to talk to or hangout with, I hope you think back to this moment and how you ruined our friendship. I’ll be here with all my amazing friends who support me and think highly of me and you’ll be wishing you could call me. Lose my number when you leave.” He shakes his head and heads to the driver seat of his car.

“Oh yeah? Well, let’s see how many of those friends stay when they realize you’ll be holding them back. Just like you held me back all these years.” You shout and start making your way back to your car. Eddie hears it but doesn’t respond. He doesn’t leave when you do. Just sits in his car and sobs, thinking over everything that just went down.

-

Then the next morning, he second guesses himself. Everything he said and did. Was the entire thing his fault? Was what you said all true? He knows he has to go see you before you leave and hopefully talk to you. Maybe the weed fucked up both of your brains and just made you both say things you didn’t mean. Of course, Eddie wanted you to stay, he didn’t know how he’d survive without you. Yes, he loved his new friends and he wasn’t technically with Steve. Sure they’d went on a few dates but it really didn’t turn into anything more than that. No one knew him like you. As he quickly got dressed into something that didn’t smell like sleep sweat and weed smoke, he rushed to brush his teeth, wash his face and tame his hair. He then said bye to Wayne and rushed over to your house. He didn’t know what time you were leaving or even if you were still there. He hoped the latter wasn’t true.

Just his luck. The house looked abandoned and there were no moving trucks or your dented, ugly colored Jeep. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks as he parked the car. Maybe just maybe you were still here. He knocked on the front door as loud as he possibly could. After several minutes, he knew he was shit out of luck. You were gone. You hadn’t even said goodbye like you promised two weeks ago.

-

You made the drive back to Hawkins, still in the same old Jeep you had before. You tried to make it look better but it still remained an ugly light silver, several scratches and bumps on the doors. The only new addition was a cracked window on the right back passenger window.

You’d found a decently priced apartment. A one bedroom with a bathroom that had everything you needed, a very small kitchen and enough space for at least a couch. It was livable and you knew you could make it home with a few touches of color and decorations. The apartment complex was along a busy street across from shopping center. There was a grocery store, a pho spot, an insurance company, a liquor store and a cash checking store. It wasn’t much of a view from your apartment but it wasn’t bad. You parked along the curb and grabbed a small box to take up with you to start the move in process.

Eddie was with Steve, Robin, Dustin, and Lucas scanning the grocery aisles for snacks for their planned movie night. His car was at the shop, needing a new battery and front brakes. He would be able to work on it between cars at work. Today was his day off though and Steve picked him up since his car wasn’t working which means he’s crammed in the backseat with Dustin and Lucas. Robin and Steve are inseparable and have to be in the front together. I mean Eddie and Steve have kissed, cuddled and fucked over the years but he’s still shoved into the back seat when it comes to Robin.

Once the gang had picked out everything off of the list, they strolled back to the car. Steve pushed the cart and Dustin hung off the side, making it harder to push. Robin and Eddie were tossing fruit snacks into Lucas’ mouth as they walked, occasionally throwing one at Steve’s head and hoping it gets stuck in his hair.

Before Eddie can throw another one, he spots your Jeep. He knows it’s yours. The same color and dents from 5 years ago. There’s a partially ripped sticker on your gas tank lid. You’d tried to take it off even with the help of rain but it wouldn’t budge. Eddie branded your car with a homemade corroded coffin sticker when he first designed the logo. Eddies slightly hurt that you tried to take it off but he’s not surprised since you’d unfollowed him on social media and refused to answer any calls or texts that he made the first month you moved away.

Before he can say anything to anyone, his feet carry him across the parking lot and towards your car. He has to dodge the traffic, curse words and car horns screaming at him along the way. You’re not in the car when he arrives. He’s pressed against the cracked window, taking in the boxes as he steps on the sidewalk.

“Get away from my car!” You rush over towards him, not thinking of how dangerous this could be for you.

He backs away and turns toward you. How you didn’t notice the long hair and leather jacket is beyond you. There’s a pause, a long pause, and then he’s breaking into a smile. The prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. He knew it was you. He’s strutting towards you before you can flee the scene. His arms wrap around your waist and he’s lifting you up into his chest, your toes barely holding you up on the sidewalk. He breathes you in, the scent of your hair (something similar to an aromatherapy essential oil rather than the fruity scents you went for in high school). He wonders what else about you had changed, did you still like your favorite ice cream flavor? Did you still have the same favorite pizza toppings?

“Hi.” You squeak out, not minding how he’s squishing you.

“Hi.” He sighs. 5 long years without this. No one’s hug’s compared to yours. Steve’s we’re strong and shy, quick to separate due to lack of touch throughout his life. Chrissy’s we’re short and sweet. Amanda’s (a random hookup from the bar) we’re tight and clingy, mixed in with a few kisses on the jaw. Anyone he had hugged had not meant as much to him as you therefore their hugs didn’t compare. “You’re moving back?”

“Yeah.” You smile, arms clinging around his shoulders. “I’m back.”

As much as he doesn’t want to let you go, he pulls back, his hands on your waist. He takes in your clothes, your hair style, your demeanor. It’s much more shy than he was used to. Are you shy now? Is that who you were? Or was it that he was now a stranger?

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He states, almost amazed that this is real. You’re really here. “You missed me huh?” He jokes, tries to lighten the tension.

“I did.” You say honestly. “Everyday that I was away.” You take a step back, his hands falling from your hips and searching for you again. “Eddi-“

“Don’t. Please.” He begs. “I-“

“I’m sorry.” You cut him off, same as he did to you. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I was such a sick. You didn’t deserve that and I ruined everything.”

“You ruined everything? Eddie it was all me. All me. It’s my fault we fell apart and I’m sorry.” Your voice wobbles with tears in your eyes. “I was a different person back then. I depended on you too much. I was jealous of you.”

“What? Jealous of me? How could you be? You’re this amazing person and I was a nobody.” He cups your cheeks, brushing away tears.

“You were everything to me. So free and fearless. So incredibly cute and funny and so many people loved you and wanted to be in your presence. You were everything I wanted to be.”

“You’re crazy! I wasn’t any of those things without you.” He kisses your forehead. “You are my best friend and I love you. I still do. After all this time, you’re still the person I want by my side through everything.” He smiles and runs his thumbs across your wet cheeks.

“I was so in love with you Eddie. A part of me still loves you. I’m so sorry.” You lean into his hand. “But you got with Steve and I was mad and it kept building when I would see you together. Then I thought he was hot and I wanted to fuck him and hurt you because I was hurt. I became this person who was capable of hurting my best friend and it wasn’t the person you needed in your life. Then I moved and I thought it would be what was best for you. I had no control over the move but I also didn’t fight it, ya know?” You rambled.

“There’s so much to unpack there and I don’t know where to start.” He laughs through his tears. Your hands rest in his wrists as he holds you close. “I’ve loved you. I always have. But you never seemed interested and I was exploring my sexuality. You’re right, Steve’s hot and all but we were both in a place where we just needed to experience things. We’re good friends now but that’s all.”

“I still hate you for that though.” You joke. “I know things are different now. I know we’re strangers but I need you back in my life Eddie. Whether that’s as a friend or lover or whatever. I just need you some way with me.”

“I need you too. I’ve always needed you. I’m not saying that to guilt trip you or make you feel bad, I just need you to know that I’m sorry and I love you.” He rests his forehead on yours.

“I’m willing to try to mend our friendship if you are. No bullshit or games.” You kiss his cheek.

“I’m not letting you leave me again.” He closes his eyes, “it hurt too much the first time. No one could fill that void.”

“I’ll forever apologize and try to make it up to you. You deserve love and happiness and all the good things in life.” You kiss his right palm.

“The only thing I want or ever need is standing right in front of me.” He smiles. He doesn’t kiss your lips as much as you both want him too. Instead he plants a kiss to your nose, slipping his hands down, yours follow with him. He laces his right hand with your left. “So? What next?”

“You can help me move in? And maybe stay the night?” You asks shyly.

“You sure? I mean, I may be trying to trick you and get payback for everything you did. I might try to curse every part of your place with my Satanism.” He shrugs and opens the trunk.

“Oh my god! Shut up! I’m sorry I said that okay!” You push his shoulder, laughing as he hands you a box. You’re both joking and laughing as if everything is the same it was years ago.

From across the street, Steve looks over at Eddie and meets Robin’s eyes. She had been watching him ever since Eddie left their group. He shakes his head as she gives him a sympathetic look. She says I’m sorry with her eyes. Steve says nothing as he gets back into the car and drives away without Eddie.

[labarch]

Attempt at a Witch Hat Atelier timeline

We are still missing a lot of backstory for our main cast, but I thought I’d try and write a timeline based on what we know so far, and explore where their storylines might intersect.

I am pulling these numbers out of my hat for convenience sake, but here are some approximate ages for the characters: at the start of the manga, let’s say Coco, Tetia and Agott are all 12, Riche is 11, and Qifrey and Olruggio are 28.

20-23 years ago: Olruggio leaves his birth town Godley and moves to the Great Hall, maybe as young as 5 years old.

While many witches are born in the Great Hall, Olruggio comes from a town called Godley in the North. Yet he doesn’t remember Utowin, who came from the same place. We know that young witches usually start their training between the age of 7 and 10, but since witch society is awfully elitist, Olruggio would have been sent there as soon as his talent for magic became apparent.

Being ripped from his home at an extremely young age could explain his fear of being unwanted and left behind: he overworks himself as a way to feel useful and validated, is defensive about his own feelings, and he gets agitated and sometimes aggressive whenever Qifrey hides things from him.

20 years ago: arrival of Qifrey at the Great Hall at age 8. Olruggio befriends him soon afterwards. The both of them start sneaking out at night to chase Brimhats.

8 year old Qifrey was one fierce little thing, you have to give him that. His abuse at the hands of the Brimhats was brutal enough to break a grown man, but he picks himself up and goes right after them like “Alright jerks, you’ve got some explaining to do and I want my eyeball back!”.

Also it cracks me up that Olruggio was carrying this massive book in their flashback. Gotta love that his reaction to Qifrey’s “Let’s go chase some terrorists!” was “Sure, let me just pack my homework =>”.

Finally, there might be a slightly more selfish motivation for Olruggio’s fast friendship and devotion to Qifrey. Olruggio’s self-esteem lies in his ability to help people, so he would naturally be drawn to someone helpless. It’s unclear how much of Qifrey’s memory was missing: apparently he didn’t know about birthdays. How many other basic concepts was he missing? Did he know how to read? Between that, his lack of knowledge about magic and his injury, he was probably completely dependent on Olruggio at the beginning. Given Olruggio’s wish that they go back to “the good old times” when they were always together, I am wondering whether some hidden part of him misses being essential to someone. It’s well-intentioned, but not entirely healthy, especially if he is using Qifrey as a coping mechanism for his own insecurities.

14 years ago: Olruggio and Qifrey make a pledge of (betrothal) friendship, exchange tassels and attempt the Librarian test at age 14. It is their last adventure together, but Qifrey will continue his investigations on his own, to Olruggio’s disappointment and betrayal. Qifrey starts wearing his half-tinted glasses.

In the pledge flashback, they are wearing their old tassels, but they have swapped them by the time they undertake the third test. Also, when he remembers that pledge, Olruggio says that Qifrey’s investigation “should have ended at the Tower of Books”. The tower is the last likely place where Qifrey could have found answers about his past and a non-forbidden way of getting his eye back. Olruggio probably made him promise that he would stop his search afterwards.

Beldaruit says that he thought Qifrey had given up on his search after the third test, but Olruggio tells a slightly different story. Apparently he thought Qifrey “finally stopped causing trouble” after taking in apprentices, which means he was still behaving suspiciously right up until he became a teacher. Alaira also comments on Qifrey’s interest in the Brimhats in the first volume, so clearly his investigations were common knowledge among his friends, even as an adult.

Olruggio’s anger whenever the Brimhats are mentioned would then be caused not just by his own fear of forbidden magic, but by the reminder that Qifrey broke his promise to him, and refused to leave his past behind. Naturally, Olruggio doesn’t know about Qifrey’s change in circumstances: he is no longer looking to retrieve what he lost, but trying to stop an impending threat.

Qifrey’s discoveries in the Tower of Books also seem to have renewed his disgust towards his own scar: he starts wearing glasses shortly afterwards, even though his eyesight hasn’t yet started deteriorating.

14-5 years ago: in that interval, Coco’s father dies of illness. Olruggio becomes more and more famous for his magical items, and is given the title “Shining Torch” / “Master of Lights”. His glowstone paths become widely popular, and are installed around the castle near Coco’s mom. Both Qifrey and Olruggio pass the fourth test and complete their training.

At this stage, I really doubt that Qifrey intended to become a teacher. Whatever information he found at the Tower of Books convinced him he had to stop the Brimhats’ plan. He was probably planning to complete his training and then go straight on to his quest, not really expecting to return alive.

There are also hints that this was a strained period for Qifrey and Olruggio: Olruggio mentions that he would like them to confide in each other “just like old times”, which implies that they grew more distant after the Librarian test. I’m suspecting that Qifrey was trying to slowly remove himself from Olruggio’s life, hoping Olruggio would be so famous and beloved by the time they graduated that he would forget about Qifrey and barely notice his disappearance. Qifrey’s self-esteem isn’t the best y’all.

5 years ago: Coco receives the magic picture book from Iguin at age 7 at the Silver Night Festival. The Brimhats stop showing signs of activity. Qifrey takes on his first apprentice (probably Tetia, age 7). He interrupts his investigation of the Brimhats and creates the atelier. Olruggio becomes his Watchful Eye.

We don’t know exactly how old Coco was when she got her book, but her tiny chubby face makes me think she was 6-7. Alaira also tells us in the first volume that the incident with Coco’s mother is the first sign of Brimhat activity in five years. I am thinking that after Iguin gave away the book, he instructed the other Brimhats to keep a low profile until his scheme could hatch.

I also wonder whether Coco getting her book might coincide with Qifrey becoming a teacher and creating his atelier. Given that Qifrey is probably tied to Iguin’s schemes, how coincidental is it that Qifrey wandered into Coco’s village and set her fate in motion? Perhaps Iguin contrived for them to live in the same area so that they would meet eventually. Either he somehow influenced Qifrey’s choice of location for his atelier, or he selected Coco as his “child of hope” because of her relative proximity as well as her love for magic.    

7 years old is when we could expect Tetia to have passed the first test. For now we know little about her backstory, but we can guess a few things: she is enthusiastic and ambitious, but gets easily side-tracked by pet projects and struggles to stick to the curriculum. She craves positive feedback and is worried her spells and interests will be condemned as frivolous. It makes me think that she passed her first test early, but was then mistreated by her first teachers for being too childish.

We’ve seen that Qifrey has a compulsive tendency to adopt children in distress. It would fit his character if he became a teacher on impulse. Maybe he had to pass the fifth test in a rush to be allowed to keep Tetia by his side. This also brought Olruggio back into his life, as he was the only one willing to follow him away from the atelier as Watchful Eye.

The complicity between Tetia and Qifrey, and Tetia taking on the role of a big sister for both Riche and Coco, also make me think she was Qifrey’s first apprentice. Tetia is often shown teasing Qifrey, quoting both Qifrey and Olruggio, and imitating Qifrey’s teaching style: I can totally see them as a little family of three at some point in the past.  

4 years ago: Riche starts training under her brother’s master, a creepy asshole, at age 7.

We actually have a clear timestamp for that one in chapter 25, woohoo! Riche’s old teacher can eat a brick.

3-2 years ago: Qifrey and Olruggio learn about Riche’s mistreatment in her old atelier and promptly adopt her. Beldaruit takes on Ririfin as an apprentice. Qifrey’s eyesight starts deteriorating. He adds the light protection glyph to his glasses.

Before that time, Qifrey might have intended to put his quest on hold until after Tetia’s graduation, but now his impending blindness puts him on a time limit. He can’t do a lot about it however, since the Brimhats have been keeping a low profile for years and are not leaving him any clue.

It’s unclear how long Riche stayed at her old atelier, and whether she joined Qifrey before or after Agott. I’m hoping she made it out as soon as possible.

2 years ago: Agott passes the first test at age 10. She gets accused of stealing someone else’s spell, is rejected from her prestigious family’s apprenticeship, and joins Qifrey’s atelier.

Agott has been treated harshly by her family for not being enough of a genius. She mentions passing the first test at 10, the upper end of the normal age range. She was probably given a hard time for starting her apprenticeship so “late”, which explains why she is now adamant about passing the other tests as quickly as possible.

I wonder whether she felt ambivalent about joining Qifrey’s atelier at first. On the one hand, Qifrey was taught by the Sage of Education himself and is clearly very powerful. On the other hand, he has only a couple students and lives in a weird little school in the middle of nowhere, a big fall from grace compared to her prestigious upbringing. I wonder whether Qifrey went to find her after he heard she was the object of nasty rumours (he knows a thing or two about those), and Agott didn’t feel like she had other options.

0 year ago: Coco and Qifrey meet. Iguin goes “F***ing finally, I thought I’d have to watch that humdrum one-eyed twink bake potatoes for another five years. It’s dragon-slaying time now baby!!!”  

[justkending]

The Number One Rule. Chapter 20.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 3000+

A/N: Ok this is the last full chapter I have written. I’ve begun on 21, but it’s only about halfway done. I’m hoping to have it done by the Saturday, but no promises... Please be patient with me as I have a rather busy schedule and want to give you the best chapters! I hope you all enjoy this one:)

Chapter Twenty:  

Another two weeks had passed, and today was move in day for Y/N into her new apartment. 

She had got a small little flat in Midtown Manhattan, so she was right in between her mom and Steve and Bucky’s house. Having not really time to get furniture and not really having the money for it just yet, she went ahead and got a furnished apartment, so moving in was easy with only bringing in her bedding, boxes of clothes, and decorations. 

The flat that she got was an open concept studio. The only walled rooms were the bathroom and a single closet at the entryway. Everything else was out in the open with no dividers. 

They had given her a bed, couch, dresser, coffee table, and the dining table was an island in the middle of the kitchen looking out to the living room. She went thrifting during some free time finding a bookshelf and end table for her bed to add to the space. 

Bucky and Steve had taken the weekend off to help her move in the heavy loaded things. Becca was coming later to help with some decorating to liven up the space. 

“Where’s this one going?” Steve asked maneuvering through the doorway. 

“They’re literally labeled, big guy,” Y/N shouted from the bathroom where she was organizing her toiletries. 

“Not this one, Miss. Sass,” Steve countered. 

“Just throw it by a wall somewhere then. I’ll get to it later,” she shouted back. 

Bucky came in shortly after with two smaller boxes topped on each other. 

“Ok, I think that’s it. At least in my car,” he noted, dropping them down in the kitchen.

“All clear in my truck,” Steve added with a huff as he brushed his hands off. 

Y/N came out from the bathroom with her hands on her hips and let out a loud breath. 

“Great. All that’s left is decorating and at least making my bed so I have a place to collapse once exhaustion hits me,” she smiled. “And according to the time,” she looked down at her watch, “that will be about 20 minutes.”

Bucky chuckled before moving over and wrapping an arm around her shoulder and squeezing her body into his side. Which she gladly used him as a wall to cave into. 

“Yeah, 4 hours of moving things from mom’s to here was my workout for the day,” Steve laughed. “Now, I was promised dinner and a drink for my payment of heavy lifting, if I remember correctly.”

Y/N rolled her eyes at her brother who batted his long eyelashes at her waiting for her answer. 

“Fine, I’ll call in for pizza. Anyone know a good spot around here?” she asked breaking away from Bucky for just a quick second to grab her phone before rushing back to hold onto him once again. The quick movement made Bucky laugh at how needy she was being for his touch. 

He wasn’t complaining though. Now that Steve knew about them, the simple touches (they were being nice and not being as touchy as they’d like for Steve’s comfort. He was still getting used to it) meant all the world now they can embrace it instead of hide it. 

“There’s Angelo’s and Joe’s. Both mouth watering New York Pies,” Bucky answered, as he wrapped his other arm around her holding her into his side more. She snuggled into his chest as she typed away on her phone for the menus.

“Any preference, Stevie?” she asked. 

“I’m feeling Joe’s. While you order that, I’ll go to the corner store for some beers. Want anything specific?” he asked standing up rolling back his shoulders in a stretch before grabbing his keys. 

“You know the answer to that,” she said, sending a raised eyebrow from behind Bucky’s arm. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get the Rose,” he waved off moving to the door. “Buck? Anything special.”

“I’m good with whatever.”

“ ‘kay. Be back in a minute.”

Steve walked out the door and instantly Y/N fell back onto her bed with a bounce. 

“You’re really that tired?” Bucky laughed looking at her stilled self. 

“I’ve been packing way before you guys got there to put everything in your cars,” she answered with her eyes closed. 

“Did you sleep last night?” When he didn’t get a response and she just moved her arm over her eyes, he knew the answer. “You waited until the last minute to pack everything up, didn’t you?”

“Not everything… Just my entire bedroom…” she said, peeking an eye out with a small smile. 

Bucky chuckled before falling down next to her. Both of them looked up to stare up at the high exposed ceilings. 

“I did my bathroom the day before,” she noted. 

“What else do you have left to do to make this feel like your home?” he asked, turning his head to her. 

“Eh, I’ll go thrifting with Becca tomorrow probably and find decorations here and there. But considering this place is maybe just two of my bedrooms at mom’s house, I won’t need much,” she shrugged looking at him. “Definitely need to get a plant or two… Or five.”

Bucky shook his head with a grin before moving to envelope her again and pull her into his chest. 

“I feel like everytime I’m going to come over, you’re going to have a new plant.”

“Well…”

“Am I wrong?” 

“No.” 

“You’re a dork,” he laughed, kissing the crown of her head.

“Hey! Plants purify your air and bring joy to my heart. It’s scientifically proven,” she pouted, pulling away enough to see his face. 

“I didn’t know you were part of a science experiment,” he played on. “Would make sense for a lot of things…”

“You little-,” she shoved him away before jumping off the bed and moving to the kitchen. 

“Hey, I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” he laughed slowly chasing after her. “To an extent.”

“Don’t talk to me,” she huffed, going back to her phone to order the pizza. The little pout of her bottom lip just made her all the more cute instead of intimidating though. 

He rolled his eyes as he moved to stand behind her trapping her in her position by the island. His arms holding the counter top on both sides of her body.

“That won’t last long…” he whispered in her ear in just the right voice to make her shiver. 

But she didn’t give in, no matter how bad she wanted to. Two can play this little game. She hit the call button and turned around looking at him. 

Just as she opened her mouth to talk, making it a show and making him think she was about to say something to him, she brought her phone to her ear and answered.

“Hi, I was wanting to place a delivery order,” she said fluttering her eyelashes at Bucky before ducking under his arms and walking away. “Yes, I’m going to do a large pepperoni and a large margarita pizza.” She continued as she aimlessly walked around the flat. 

Bucky shook his head watching her. Before he had the chance to do anything further… Becca came in with a loud huff. 

“Good God. Y/N, you have a hot neighbor!” she shouted and the two turned to her. Bucky with furrowed eyebrows and Y/N with a look showing she was on the phone. “Oop, sorry,” she shrugged with a whisper as she walked to Bucky with a brown paper bag. 

“Hot neighbor?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah, right next door. I might have to hop on that…” she winked as she started emptying the bag. Random little snacks and bags of candies, probably for their girls night they planned for later that evening. 

“I thought you were dating someone,” Bucky questioned as he grabbed a bag of swedish fish. Becca quickly smacked his hand and sent a warning look. 

“Keep up, Bucky. We stopped dating like a month ago,” she shook her head. 

“Wait, what was his name again? Scotty? Sco-”

“Scott. And yes. We had almost completely different schedules, so it just wasn’t working. Eh, I’m not worried about it. He was a good lay, but I’ll live,” she tilted her head grabbing a bottle of wine and moving to put it up in the fridge. 

“Oh, God. Please don’t tell me about guys you’re sleeping with. I don’t want to hear that,” Bucky squirmed. 

“You’re a child,” she shook her head before turning to Y/N who was walking to the opposite side of the island. “Who was on the phone?”

“Joe. I was ordering some pizza,” she answered. “Sweet guy actually. But what were you talking about when you came in?”

“Oh!” she shouted excited. “You have a hot neighbor!”

“Is that so?” she raised her eyebrows before moving to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. 

“Does that spark an interest in you Y/N/N?” Bucky asked, turning and looking at her with surprise. 

“I’m not talking to you, remember?” she pointed. 

“You just did,” he tilted his head with a sassy smirk. 

Instead of answering, she stuck out her tongue and turned back to Becca. “Elaborate.”

“310D, right to the left of you,” Becca noted. “Longer blonde hair and those damn arms that look like if you wrapped a ribbon around them, it would take a single flex to pop it.”

“Catch a name?” she asked with a laugh. 

“You do realize we’re dating right?” Bucky asked, crossing his arms. 

“No, I didn’t catch it. I was just looking at him before he went into his apartment. I don’t think he even saw me,” Beck continued ignoring her brother. 

“Interesting. You’ll have to figure it out,” she added, taking a swig of water. “Wouldn’t hurt to know the neighbors name.”

“Um, hello…”

“Oh, say less. Don’t have to tell me twice to interact with a perfect specimen of a man,” Becca laughed.

“I feel like I’m invisible,” Bucky mumbled, watching the two start to giggle about whatever telepathic thing they were talking about. 

_________

Steve came back soon after with the drinks, and not even 10 minutes after him, the pizza was delivered. 

They all sat around eating and talking with the limited furniture after Bucky set up the TV, along with Steve yelling at him that it was HDMI 4 not 2. That was a whole fight in itself. 

Steve eventually left around six and Bucky was leaving soon after so the girls could have their first girl night in Y/N’s new apartment. 

That was until Bekah let out a long groan. 

“What?” Y/N asked leaning over for an M&M on the coffee table. 

“One of my classmates just texted me asking about something for an essay I completely forgot I had due. My professor has it due at 8am tomorrow like the crazy person she is,” she sighed, looking at her phone before looking at the couple on the couch she was facing on the floor. “What kind of insane person doesn’t do the midnight deadline? This professor is going to be the death of me.”

“How much of it do you have done?” Bucky asked. 

“That’s the thing,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. “I completely forgot about it until this text…”

“You haven’t started?” Y/N chuckled, but you could tell she was worried for her friend. 

“No…” Becca replied. “I may or may not have been putting it off and happened to forget it entirely.”

“Let me guess, it’s practically 30% of your grade for the semester?” Y/N said with a raised eyebrow. 

“You know me so well…” she replied with a pathetic smile. “I’m going to have to bail on girls night tonight. Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Beck,” Y/N shook her head. “I get it. I just recently got out of that world, so I know how it goes.”

Bucky watched as the two interacted and laughed at his sister like the annoying big brother he was. 

“Go before you fail the class. We can always reschedule,” Y/N waved off. 

“You sure?”

“Positive. Now go. Every second counts,” she said, standing with Becca as they moved to the door. “Stop by the coffee shop on the way out. Espresso is your friend tonight.”

“Yes ma’am,” Becca saluted as she grabbed her things and stepped out of the apartment. “Oh, and next time I come, I’ll make sure to get hot neighbors name,” she added with a wink. 

“That’s your next homework assignment.”

“Oh, that’s one I won’t be putting off.”

After a head shake to her friend, Becca rushed out of the building off to her own place. Y/N shut and locked the door behind her and walked back into the kitchen. 

“Does that mean we get to have a girls night?” Bucky asked with a smirk. 

“Ha Ha, very funny,” she laughed before falling onto the couch and laying her head in his lap looking straight up at him. “But yeah. I’d like some company first night here. It’s a big emptyish kind of space.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice, doll,” he smiled as he started stroking her hair gently. 

“Oh, hey! I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” she noted, readjusting in her spot to see him better. 

“Should I be worried?” he asked is a teasing manner. 

“No,” she chuckled before grabbing his hand and starting her pattern tracing that he learned she loved to do. It was calming is what she had told him. “It’s about Steve.”

“What about Steve?” Bucky asked as he watched her finger tip glide across his palm in a gentle manner, sending shivers up his arm. She was able to do that everytime. 

“Well, you know my host family I talked about?” He hummed as his answer. “So Peggy was the daughter of the people I was staying with. She was about 4 years older than me and kinda turned into my mentor. Badass woman if I might add.”

“I remember you talking about her. From the stories you had, she seems like she can definitely hold her own,” he laughed. “What does she have to do with Steve?”

“I’m getting there, slowly…” she said, adding a dramatic tone to the conversation. Bucky rolled his eyes playfully as he went back to playing with her hair. “Peggy and I talked about her coming here and staying a while. A week or so. Maybe later. However, that was when we were living together and just mapping out times to meet up again. Now, she’s got a job opportunity here and was wanting to come and stay for a little to scope out if she wants it and is willing to make the move to New York possibly.”

“Sounds like a fun plan,” he nodded. “But I’m still waiting on the Steve part.”

“Patience, B. Patience,” she said squeezing his hand slightly. “It has to do with Steve because I think Peggy would be a great match for him.”

“You want to set up your brother?”

“Yes. And if there is anyone in the world that I can think of that can handle his hard head as well as challenge it, it’s Margaret Elizabeth Carter.”

“You know your brother hates when we set him up on dates,” Bucky made note of. “She better be something else if you think it’s going to work out.”

“Oh, Peggy is the definition of something else,” Y/N smirked still concentrated on the lines on his hand.

“Ok, so when is she coming to town?”

“Not sure yet. She’s still waiting to hear back from the agency that she was talking with on a good date for them both. I mean she can always come visit before that, but travel isn’t cheap, so it would be smarter for her to just come when she also has business to attend to.”

“Valid point.”

“So you think it’s a good idea? You wanna join my team to play matchmaker with Stevie?” she asked with that damn grin that got him every time. He just can’t seem to say no to it.

“As much as your brother hates these kinds of things, you seem pretty set on it. So I’m trusting you know what you’re doing,” he smiled, brushing a thumb on her cheek. 

“When do I not know what I’m doing?” she retorted gleefully. 

“Well, there was that one time at Coney Island that you,-” he started, just in an effort to push her buttons. 

“It was a rhetorical question that should not be answered. That is if you want to stay the night,” she said with an attempt of a threatening face. 

“It’s cute you think you have an intimidating stare,” he replied, now pinching her cheek where his thumb was. 

“I can be intimidating,” she sat up with a pout. 

“Sure you can, Y/N/N,” he nodded with a smug grin. “That face exudes intimidation.”

When she actually set in her deathly stare that Bucky had seen when she was upset, he took a step back from his teasing. 

“Ok, I’m kidding now. I know you can do it,” he said with a daunted face. The glower on her own features immediately dropped at getting the reaction from him she wanted and went back to her cute sweet innocent smile. “It’s kinda scary how easily you can flip that switch…”

“It’s a talent. What can I say?” she shrugged with a wink as she stood up and went to make popcorn. “So what movie are we watching tonight?”

(Tags for this series is closed. If you would like updates, please turn on my notification:)

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[hajimariwaquartet]

y1 17-year-olds hcs!

"Put Settsu and Hyodo on shopping duty," Sakyo said one day, and Izumi paused. Her marker hovered over the whiteboard over the clean spot next to Kazunari's creative marker work of the words "Grocery Duty." She glanced between Sakyo and the whiteboard. She had already planned for Tsuzuru and Muku for shopping duty this month.

"...Excuse me?"

"It's good practice for Stranger since the two are on the same team," Sakyo replied, not looking up from the receipts he was recording. Other receipts laid across the table, and Izumi spotted the receipt that made her cringe outwardly.

"Is... this about the wall in the second training room that Banri and Juza broke a few days ago?"

"Yes." Sakyo scoffed, writing down on the ledger with more force than necessary. He scowled. "Tell those brats they're on shopping duty for the next two months for the damn wall. If they complain about it, tell them that it's from me."

Izumi looked between the fuming Sakyo and the whiteboard. Though things were certainly better now, she was still worried about the collateral damage from their fights. The hole in the second training room's wall was more than enough proof that their relationship needed... a bit more work. Internally praying to the gods, Izumi put her marker on the whiteboard.

"Okay, but I'm putting in Sakuya for.... insurance."

"Sakuma?" Sakyo echoed, looking up from his ledger. "And what do you mean by "insurance?""

"Ah... you see..."

Sakuya is absolutely thrilled to hang out with Banri and Juza after school since he looks up to them for being so cool and looking so grown-up (Clockwork Heartbeat Sakuya 2nd Flair Mini-chat)!

Of course, Banri immediately knows it's about the hole in the wall so he gets a bit irritated at being stuck on grocery duty for two months. Juza, on the other hand, is quite surprised and timider than usual. He never really hung out with Sakuya because they're not in the same troupe nor do they meet each other that often.

Shopping is way calmer than usual and the market vendors and supermarket staff are absolutely grateful for this sunshine boy who is able to easily diffuse the situation (perhaps even unknowingly!).

Even Banri is surprised that he didn't outright argue with Juza and how they even got the lowest prices available! Sakuya got some haggling tips from Citron and Citron tells the aunties at the shopping district about his dear roommate, so that's that!

They got crepes while going home (Banri doesn't know how he agreed to that).

Now, for actual hcs!

Banri (begrudgingly) tutors Juza and Sakuya for school stuff since Sakuya asked him for help nicely. It doesn't help his snide comments towards Juza, but at the end of the little tutoring session, the two actually understand the lesson!

Juza brings the two leaders a script to ask for help, and the three of them somehow spend an entire hour discussing that specific line. They also watch plays and street acts together!

Banri isn't particularly fond of sweets (out of spite), but he doesn't mind getting crepes/other bearable sweets when the three of them happen to go home together.

Even though Hana High was on the other side of town, Sakuya insisted that the three of them should take a picture together during graduation (since their graduations were on the same day!). People from Ouka were mildly surprised at the two Hana High kids taking a picture with the most intimidating guy in school, but they just let it slide out of fear. Omi printed out four pics later, one for each of the new graduates and one for the Mankai lounge! Juza and Sakuya treasure the picture so much, and though Banri won't admit it, he thinks the picture is pretty nice.

There was one time they ran into one of Sakuya's relatives that obviously didn't like him and was an ass about it. Banri and Juza teamed up to scare them away without letting Sakuya notice, and they grabbed Sakuya's favorite snack before going home.

You thought only Sakuya influenced them? Wrong. Aside from getting tips for action scenes and the like, Sakuya also got some of their mischievousness! He once joined Citron in a light prank against Hisoka, and Hisoka didn't even suspect Sakuya at all. Though Sakuya isn't too fond of casually making fun of others, Banri encouraging him (Juza just rolled his eyes) to be a bit more tricky was pretty effective and it always catches the unsuspecting victim off guard.

I also like to think that Sakuya's hairstyles in Clockwork and KniRoun were influenced by Banri and Juza respectively!

Though it might seem that their dynamic from the outside is like two delinquents and an innocent kid, Banri and Juza actually respect Sakuya! I think Sakuya might have mentioned his old family situation while the three of them were out, so the two understand his determination and cheerfulness. Sakuya also looks up to them!

Aside from the drinking party with the adults once they turned 20, the three of them also went out on their own to drink!

[neocatharsis]

NCT’s Mark Lee on Dreams, Instagram Poetry, and Growing Up

Mark has a lot going on — but he’s making time for poetry, introspection, and, of course, the members of NCT Dream. - Vivien Wu

“I’ve been thinking about dreams a lot these days!” Mark Lee exclaims over Zoom from SM Entertainment’s Seoul headquarters.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

And while this may be the fifth year since their debut, in the grand scheme of things, the members of NCT Dream are still very, very young — by most standards, they would still be considered to have their entire careers ahead of them. Growth has brought them here, but where does Mark think it will take them in the future?

“Growing just never stops for us, I can see us growing continuously, endlessly,” he replies. “What the future holds is something that we will never know, but we always do try to prepare during the present, and so with whatever time we have currently and with whatever album, or whatever stage, or whatever piece of music it may be, we’re willing to make sure that we have the next one coming too.”

A final thought. “I’m glad that we’re striving for that, ‘cos we started off as…” Mark shakes his head, “…as babies.”

© Teen Vogue

[taichoh]

old friend

pairing: hitsukarin word count: 5298 (oopsies) warnings: none note: this is my self-indulgent fix-it fic because i can. technically post-canon, there's a hint of ichiruki but this is about my babies, who aren't babies anymore. :') ao3 link

Upon entering her adult years, Karin was coming to terms with her growing list of responsibilities, wishing she was just a kid again when the list was much smaller. Everyone can relate to missing things from their childhood, kicking a soccer ball around on a summer day, only having to stress about a simple book assignment instead of the plethora of things you’d worry about now, coming home to a full house even if it was chaos sometimes.. Most of the time. The house wasn’t quiet now, but it wasn’t as chaotic either. Karin missed it.

Ever since Ichigo decided to live the rest of his life in the Soul Society, things calmed down a bit. She was happy for him, he’d gotten a semblance of his life back after the Winter War, but it only took a couple years for him to crave a different life. She saw how morose her brother had gotten going day by day without a certain short black haired, newly appointed captain, and it only took him this long to realize some things everyone else could plainly see.

The Human World was boring anyway. She wouldn’t tell anyone yet, but she planned to follow in her brother’s footsteps. Karin wanted to wait much longer of course, for a multitude of reasons, one being she was stubborn and wanted to do what she set out to, fully prepared to hurdle any obstacles, and there were plenty.

But now she’s here, having finished school and now fully runs the family clinic with her sister. For a while their dad was with them, but after a very heartfelt conversation and a boatload of tissues, they all agreed that his time in this world was up as well. It was funny, how instead of his daughters, he was leaving the nest and going back home where he was welcomed, especially after the war. They missed him but Karin and Yuzu didn’t miss how much easier it was for their dad to smile whenever he visited. Still, with their brother and dad in a different world, reaching out wasn’t as easy as a phone call away, though Karin figured it wouldn’t be long before Urahara remedied that with yet another invention.

She still hangs out with old and new friends, but feigning disregard to Yuzu’s nagging about finding someone to settle down with was getting old. And so was she. Well not really, but she felt old. She was only in her 20s but she considered herself old when she found a gray hair in her hairbrush. It was most likely stress but regardless, the next thing would be wrinkles or joint pains and the stress from that is just gonna cause more grays to show up so really there’s no upside. She missed the days before puberty, and how much she didn’t care about her appearance. She doesn’t much these days either, but even Karin, with her confidence, had a list of insecurities that piled up over the years. It was part of being human she supposed. She missed when all she worried about was beating the stupid juniors at soccer, getting a scrape on her knee, grass stains, etc.. But she was skirting around the elephant in her room. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. She missed him. A lot. A huff escaped her as she stood at the sink in the bathroom connected to the clinic. She was watching the last of the suds from the soap disappear down the drain when she thought of him for what felt like the first time in ages. But it hadn’t been ages, she thought of him just a couple of days ago, when Yuzu mentioned yet again that she noticed how lonely Karin seemed. It was a bit harsh but Yuzu was right, and Karin knew she was just worried for her sister. “Have you talked to Hitsugaya recently?” The question caught her off guard and made her stop halfway from spooning more soup into her mouth. The answer was no. They hadn’t talked in quite a long time. She half expected to see him amidst the aftermath of the war, but she assumed he had a lot on his plate, so the idea was dismissed. “We barely talk to Ichigo or dad Yuzu, they’re all busy over there.” She knew it was bullshit the second it left her mouth. Acting nonchalant was getting harder and harder around Yuzu, because even though Karin is skilled at it, her sister was one of a handful of people that could break down those walls with a single push. The others are her brother and a boy with snow white hair and eyes you want to swim in, as much as she hates to admit it.

“But I remember you guys being pretty close, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you reaching out... I know you miss him.” It was so embarrassing being read so easily, and it was making her lose her appetite. “Yuzu he’s a captain, he’s got plenty on his plate as it is.” I’m sure I’m the last thing on his mind. “So is Rukia and she along with the rest of the gang visits us ! And from what we’ve heard from Ichigo and Dad, things have been going pretty smoothly.” Yuzu had a point. The last time they saw their family including Rukia was maybe a month ago. Karin was just getting in her head. She knew Toshiro probably wasn’t that busy but she also knew that he wasn’t the type to sit and do nothing. He was a busybody. When he wasn’t eating, sleeping, or visiting her, he was working. And when the time between his last visit continued to stretch, she figured he must have been as busy as can be. Or, maybe he forgot about me. “Toshiro would never forget you!” Yuzu shouted across from the table, making Karin jump and her cheeks flush. Did she say that last part out loud? “I can’t believe you would even entertain the idea! No one could forget you !” Even in an accusatory insulting tone, Karin knew Yuzu was being pragmatic. She always was. Karin groaned and hung her head over her dinner, not wanting to look at Yuzu’s disappointed glare. “I know,” she said dejectedly. “It’s just... A lot has changed. There was a war, we’ve graduated, Ichigo and Dad moved out. It’s been a while.” Karin couldn’t even remember the last time she saw him. It’s been years. Karin was a full fledged adult in her 20s. She wondered if he’d grown an inch or two by now. She missed whenever he’d roll his eyes at her height jokes. “Well I think it’s been long enough.” It seemed Yuzu was going to take matters into her own hands. Getting up from her seat, Yuzu started gathering their empty plates and explained her plan,“Ichigo, Rukia, and Dad are coming to dinner soon, so when they go back you are going with them.” This made Karin open her mouth to object but was immediately cut off, “And don’t use that excuse about leaving me alone. I can take care of myself, and I can call Jinta if I need to.” Karin sunk into her seat as she watched her sister clean up their dinner. Yuzu’s mind was made up, and Karin knew better than to argue with her. Every Kurosaki had the potential to be increasingly scary when they wanted to and that included Yuzu. Karin shivered at being at the mercy of her sister’s wrath hidden under that bubbly exterior.

So, it was happening. She was going to the Soul Society. To see Toshiro. After years of no contact. That’s fine. The more she thought about it the more her thoughts turned intrusive, and it was taking everything in her to not punch her reflection. That would end up with bloody knuckles and a broken mirror, so all Karin could do was take another breath, and leave the bathroom. Yuzu’s plan was panning out, as days from their conversation, their little family reconvened over dinner and it was time for them to go back home. Karin excused herself to go to the bathroom and grab her bag of necessities that Yuzu forced her to pack because apparently her trip was extended to a couple of days and not hours as Karin presumed. When it was announced, Yuzu simply explained she had some extra work to do so she would join next time, which everyone accepted much too easily. “You ready?” Ichigo asked as Karin rejoined them all on the main floor. Karin nodded and gave Yuzu a small smile which she mirrored and nodded as if to say ‘good luck’. The four of them filed onto the empty street and before she knew it they were walking through the Senkaimon. Isshin and Ichigo walked a couple steps behind Karin and Rukia as they walked the dark path that was the Dangai. Karin had only done this a handful of times, to visit her family but it still gave her chills everytime she made the trip. “So, you got anything planned?” Rukia’s voice broke her out of her reverie. She glanced over to see Rukia smirking, looking a little too proud for Karin’s liking. What she could be insinuating?

“Uh, not really.” Karin tried her best to seem nonchalant, but Rukia was getting better at reading Kurosaki’s much to Karin’s chagrin. Her only plan was to see Toshiro, but she’d probably visit some others. A simple little reunion. Part of her wanted to confide in Rukia, but she had a feeling Rukia would absolutely make sure this reunion happened. She gulped willing her anxieties to shut the hell up. “Ooh, I see, so Captain Hitsugaya has no idea you’re coming.” “How did you-” “Oh please, I’m not as dense as your brother,” Karin suddenly appreciated the distance between them and the two idiots behind them, who looked to be having their own conversation after she took a glance over her shoulder. “Plus Yuzu might have filled me in.” Her smug grin made Karin’s blush deepen but there was no hiding it.

“You can’t say anything!” Karin kept her voice low but still full of urgency, which Rukia took in earnest. “Of course Karin! I would never! Unless you wanted me to, and I won’t say anything if you feel the need to deck the Captain in the face, though I have a feeling you won’t want to-” “Why would I want to punch Toshiro?” Has he done something? What did he do? Does he have a girlfriend? What happened? Her mind was racing at Rukia’s admission and the urge to turn around and go back home popped into her head.

Rukia only sighed at Karin’s confusion, “Well according to Yuzu, it’s been a long time for you two. And he never reached out. When me and Ichigo parted ways when he lost his powers, I couldn’t reach out to him as much as I wanted to. And I wanted to. So badly,” Rukia’s voice turned solemn and Karin relaxed, suddenly thinking about how much she envied their relationship. They were so good together, and they’ve been through so much, yet they managed to traverse all those obstacles and found each other again.

Karin vaguely wondered if she’d ever have that kind of connection with someone. Suddenly Toshiro’s name was written all over her mind, but she was getting ahead of herself. Just because she’s had a crush on him for years and years doesn’t mean he feels the same. He could already be with someone for all she knew. Rukia was right, Karin might want to punch Toshiro after all.

“Anyway, he’s had all this time and he hasn’t visited! I’ll have you know things have been just fine in the Seireitei, so really there’s no excuse.” Rukia sounded like Yuzu, and they both had a point, but- “That could go both ways though.” Karin admitted, frowning and going to scratch the back of her neck. “Well I suppose, but I still think the Captain should’ve done something. He always visited you didn’t he?” “Yeah, but I’ve been to the Soul Society before, and I chose not to go see him or anything.” “Why not? That doesn’t seem like you.” Rukia was so right. It was not like Karin at all. If she was her younger self she’d kick down his door and demand him to abandon all paperwork for a game of soccer. But that was younger Karin, who barely considered her crush on the Captain of the Tenth. This was older Karin, now an adult who had to deal with her feelings. Ugh. “I know. I guess I didn’t want to bother him. He is a Captain and all. And now that I’m older I kind of understand that it’s a lot of responsibility.” Once again, she was spouting absolute bullshit and Rukia was prone to picking up on it after dealing with this family for so long. “I’m disappointed in you Karin,” She said with a hint of mockery, not meaning it wholeheartedly, but still being genuine, “It might not be my place to say, but I know I’m not the only one that noticed how much happier Captain Hitsugaya was in your company. Don’t forget I’m a Captain myself, does that mean you think my relationship with your brother hinders me in being one?” “Of course not! I never meant to-” Karin exclaimed, immediately sorry for her backwards thinking, but instead Rukia chuckled. “I know, I’m just saying. You’re right in that we have a lot of responsibilities as Captains, but you know Hitsugaya, he’ll take on more than he needs to, and you were always good at reminding him there was more to life than paperwork.” A couple moments passed as Rukia’s words sunk in. Karin considered herself an adult but she still had so much to learn. She was so grateful she had someone like Rukia to show a different perspective. Karin had to admit, she had definitely mastered the art of handling a Kurosaki. They’re family was so crazy and complicated and Rukia had no problem at all. In the back of her mind Karin reminded herself to kick her brother’s teeth in if he didn’t propose soon. There was a difference though. Ichigo and Rukia lived in the same world. Karin and Toshiro did not have that luxury. But that thought was for another time. Just focus on one thing at a time. Soon Karin was squinting when a bright light washed over the group as they entered the Soul Society. The sky above them was blue with only a couple of clouds hanging, a gentle breeze wrapped itself around Karin, and she felt oddly relaxed. She regrets not visiting more often, this could easily become her second home.

“Well it’s about time!” Karin noticed the voice immediately and watched the beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair walk up to them. “Lieutenant Matsumoto! What brings you here? We weren’t expecting a welcome party.” Rukia chimed in for Karin, who smiled at Rangiku. Just like it had been a while since she’d seen Toshiro, it had been a while for everyone else too. Rangiku and Karin managed to strike up a friendship when Karin was confronted by Toshiro’s second during one of their visits to the human world. Karin got that ‘don’t hurt him, or I

I’ll hurt you’ talk, which Karin quickly concurred and vowed to be a good friend to him. It shocked Karin to see her jaunty personality freeze over to solemnity, and immediately melt again after the serious words were said. She knew Rangiku wasn’t an idiot, she wasn’t a Lieutenant for nothing. Above all she was glad Toshiro had her. “I heard Karin was coming to visit so I wanted to come say hi!” And when she meant ‘hi’, that meant suffocating Karin in her bosom, and not for the first time. Though after learning first hand about Rangiku’s affectionate nature, she could understand how someone like Toshiro found it a tad aggravating. Karin smiled up at her as she pulled back from the hug, “It’s nice to see you again Rangiku.” “Likewise,” Rangiku smiled gently and stepped back, “So what does Karin Kurosaki have planned for this visit?” She seemed much too hopeful for some reason, and Karin had a feeling she knew what it entailed. Again, Rangiku wasn’t an idiot. But lying wasn’t Karin’s forte so she might as well be honest. “I was gonna visit Toshiro, if he isn’t busy.” She gulped. Rangiku’s eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning, squealing and giving Karin another hug that once again suffocated her. Seems like that was exactly what she wanted to hear. “Oh wonderful! He’s not busy at all, and he’ll be overjoyed to see you! You really grew up didn’t you?” Rangiku’s narrowed gaze and lilted voice made Karin blush. Her tone was definitely suggestive but she wasn’t wrong. Karin had a small growth spurt amidst puberty, her hair got longer, still in a ponytail. “Who knew you’d grow up into such a beautiful woman?” She didn’t know how but her cheeks flushed even more. “Wait until the Captain sees you-” “Rangiku!” Karin exclaimed, throwing her hands up to cover her face, suddenly feeling self conscious. Not only at Rangiku’s boldness but the fact that Rangiku, who was one of the most beautiful women she’d met, just complimented her like that. Rangiku only laughed, brushing a lock of hair behind her shoulder. “Come on let’s go!” Suddenly Karin was being dragged away to the 10th barracks no doubt, left to look over her shoulder to watch Rukia smirk and give a wave before turning to leave the gate as well. Rangiku let Karin catch her breath, and they walked in silence, until Karin had a thought, “I can’t help but wonder if Toshiro’s grown at all, like an inch maybe? He told me you guys aged differently here.” “Oh yes, we do! I haven’t done much aging in a looong time. Kind of a perk dontcha think? I’ve looked like this for ages,” Rangiku smiled brightly while flaunting and she had every right to, she knew she was beautiful. Karin would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t envious. As a human you have so little time compared to the time you have as a shinigami. Though the profession is dangerous, so there’s that to consider. Karin remembers when Toshiro explained the way of reincarnation and the way things worked for souls. A weight she didn’t realize she had was lifted from her shoulders that day. “And Toshiro?” Rangiku’s smile turned mischievous again but Karin was too busy looking ahead at the continuing street. “The Captain’s grown a tad, nothing too drastic.” “Oh.” Karin chuckled, that meant she’s probably still taller than him. “So I can still make height jokes.” She smiled smugly, looking forward to his disgruntled face, it was so cute when he got embarrassed. “Oh I’m sure,” was the last thing Rangiku said before they rounded the corner and they arrived at their destination. Karin’s stomach started doing somersaults, and while it had to do with the fact that she was incredibly nervous, she was also very excited. But the reality of their time apart is hitting her once again and she didn’t know how to feel about it. “Don’t be nervous.” Rangiku’s voice was suddenly softer, warmer, almost motherly. And once again, Karin was being read like a book by another shinigami. Damn, she needed to work on her poker face. All Karin could do was give her a small smile before she realized they were right outside of his office. All that stood between them was  a sliding door, and suddenly her hands were clammy.

One last gulp, “Okay,” was all Karin could say.

And Rangiku being Rangiku, gave Karin no time to think before she promptly shouted, “Oh Captaaain!” and slid the door open with gusto causing Karin to jump and for the captain seated at the desk to snap his head up in alarm. But it was not Toshiro. No, Toshiro was cute and albeit attractive according to Karin, and this man was not cute. He was downright gorgeous. He was devastatingly handsome. Nope, not Toshiro. This was an imposter.

But, amidst her gaping, Karin noticed his hair was white, like Toshiro’s, and his eyes were that cerulean color that made her weak in the knees, like Toshiro’s. He was sitting in Toshiro’s seat, wearing a white haori like Toshiro did, and they were definitely in the Squad 10 offices. So, it has be- “Toshiro?” Karin croaked. Her eyes blown wide, her feet still planted at the doorway, while Rangiku buzzed next to her watching the whole exchange.

“Karin?” Oh god, even his voice was an octave lower. His eyes mirrored hers in that they were wide with shock. He couldn’t believe she was here, in the Seireitei, in his office. He also couldn’t believe that was Karin. But the more he looked at her the more he saw the familiar features he made sure to memorize, along with some noticeable new ones.. She was beautiful, and he thought he had the term defined already with a picture of her. It was still her, but he needed to update his memory it seemed. Her hair was still jet black and in a ponytail, only it was longer and a lock laid over her shoulder, her eyes were still as captivating as always, a grey abyss he’d gladly succumb to if asked. And her body, she was definitely an adult. She definitely grew up, but, so did he. What must she think of his new look? He was too starstruck to notice her eyes darken and her brows drop down in anger. “I can’t believe you!” Her fury replaced her nerves and she was suddenly marching across the threshold, fists tight at her sides, “You are such,” She grabbed the nearest object to her which was a pillow from the couch in the middle of the room and lobbed it at his head which Toshiro barely dodged, “an asshole!” Another pillow, only this time he caught it with both hands, using it as a shield for the third pillow. Toshiro wasn’t unfamiliar with Karin’s wrath, however, that didn’t mean he was happy with being at the end of it. Speaking of, her aim has dramatically improved. Anyway- “Karin-” “It’s been years Toshiro-” “I’m sorry-” “You could’ve visited-” “I know I-” “And you went and grew up! Looking like a fucking model all of a sudden and not even telling me!” A model? “Let me explain-” “No you are going to listen to me!” Karin was panting, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she stood in the middle of the room staring him down. Toshiro fought against his instinct to shout back and promptly shut his mouth, his brows creased in regret. She was shaking with rage and she was on the precipice of breaking something, preferably his face, but- shit Rukia was right. Again. “You don’t get to sit there on your ass when you never bothered to visit after years Toshiro. Years! When Ichigo got back from the war I had to hear that you were okay from him because of course I worried. I thought we were friends, I thought we-” “We are friends!” Toshiro couldn’t take that disappointed look anymore, but she was wrong. They were friends. Friends. “I thought we were closer than that.” Karin finished her thought, her energy depleting, shoulders starting to sag. He didn’t know which was worse. Karin angry, or sad. He just didn’t like it when she was upset. And he was the cause of it. Seeing her hang her head made his heart ache, and not in the way it usually did when he looked at her.

Toshiro had all the words he wanted to say on the tip of his tongue, but he was speechless. Part of him knew this day was bound to come around, he just wished he could’ve been prepared. But then again, expect the unexpected, especially with Karin. He couldn’t hate himself more than he did at this moment.

“I’m so sorry Karin,” His voice lifted her head and they locked eyes, his full of regret and hers, disappointment. “I-” This was harder than he thought, his chest hurt, his hands were stiff, and all he wanted was to see Karin happy, but he didn’t know how to make it happen, but she deserved an explanation. “I should’ve visited you. I wanted to. So badly. Even after things settled, I was so caught up in everything, I didn’t realize how long it’d been. I lost track of time. I’m sorry Karin. I was- I am an idiot. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel neglected and I went and did it anyway.”

Taking a hasty breath, he pushed himself to stand, rounding his desk and standing in front of her , only the usual roles were reversed and he was now looking down on her. No, it didn’t feel right. He towered over her and yet he felt as small as can be. Karin was still silent, ignoring his height for the moment, though she wasn’t entirely surprised given his changes. Changes she wished she could’ve witnessed sooner. Her eyes were glassy, tears on the brink of falling down her cheeks, but she willed them to stay. Until she watched Toshiro drop to his knees and bow before her, resting his head at her feet. She almost didn’t hear the tiny gasp that came from behind her, she’d completely forgot Rangiku was here, witnessing this all. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness Karin, but still, I’m so so sorry.” Karin was.. astonished to say the least. She expected an apology, but she didn’t expect this. Toshiro did many things, overwork himself, scowl, eat unhealthy amounts of amanatto, but he never did anything half-assed. Here was Toshiro Hitsugaya, a Captain of the 13 Court Guard Squads, bowing with his head at the feet of a simple human. Maybe not simple, but human nonetheless. Any bystander would argue that this was completely preposterous, but they wouldn’t know that Toshiro viewed Karin in the highest regard. He knew how much he royally fucked up, and he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to make up for it. “Look at me.” The closeness of her words startled Toshiro and he slowly lifted his head to see her knelt in front of him. Now it was his turn to be astonished. It wasn’t unlike Karin to be gentle when she wanted but Toshiro couldn’t understand why she would want to, he neglected their friendship for years and now she was smiling at him. Expect the unexpected. Toshiro held his breath. Karin huffed and her smile widened, “Don’t be so dramatic,” she didn’t stop herself from using her finger to brush his hair from his face. The gentlest touch, from hands that could do plenty of damage. She should’ve socked him, he knew he deserved it, he would’ve taken it. But instead, she was caressing his face. Not that he was complaining, it was just oddly uncharacteristic of her. She really had changed after all this time. They both did. Toshiro kicked himself for not witnessing it. “I forgive you, but don’t do it again.” She smacked his head, not enough to actually hurt, but enough to get the point across. He spoke too soon. This was definitely Karin though. Rubbing his head, he slowly sat up and back on his haunches, even while hunching, he was still looking down at her. It was so odd to him. But he’d have to get used to it it seems. At least there wouldn’t be any more height jokes. “Thank you, I don’t deserve it.” He said, watching Karin get to her feet and offer her hand to help him up. “Yes you do. You said sorry. That’s all I wanted. We’re adults now.” “You threw pillows at me.” “You deserved that. ” “...Yeah.” Toshiro sighed. A moment of silence passed until Karin spoke again. “I mean it, don’t do this again. I won’t be so forgiving.” “It won’t happen again. I promise.” Toshiro gave a gentle squeeze to her hand which he never let go. The simple action made her blush, looking down to their entwined hands and up his arm, which were much longer, and then to his broad shoulders, and finally back up to his face, much higher than she was used to. “And don’t grow anymore. You’re like a giant now. It’s gonna be annoying having to look up at you.” And as easy as that they were back to bickering, the tension filtered out of the room as easily as a simple breeze, and they were both thankful. “For what it’s worth, I’m not a fan either.” Toshiro noted, scowling at his new height and features which he still hasn’t gotten used to. All these years he complained about his height and now he realizes he should’ve been more careful with what he wished for. And on top of that, he was getting an increasing amount of attention which Rangiku pointed out was thanks to his sharpened features. Not his cup of tea. “I never said I wasn’t a fan.”

Karin’s words made blood rush to Toshiro’s face, did she just- Maybe it’s his cup of tea after all, if it’s Karin’s attention. That being said, he’d never wanted anyone’s attention more than hers, and now that he has it, he’s just a little alarmed. But in a good way, he thinks. And it made it easier to smile at her, even with a face redder than ever. But it was quickly replaced with a frown when he realized his Lieutenant just witnessed this entire scene with Karin, where she yelled, he bowed, she smiled, and he blushed. Her squeal made both Karin and him wince, looking over to see her jumping up and down with glee, then running over to pull them down into an uncomfortable hug. “I’m so happy for you too!” Rangiku was sniffling, squeezing the life out of them, and when she let them go they gave each other a confused glance before Toshiro spoke. “Why are you crying Matsumoto?” He asked, slightly worried and as well as confused. Karin looked softly at Rangiku, but still confused by her tears. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. You guys are just too cute together!”

Karin almost interjected to say that they weren’t together but what stopped her was another squeeze of her hand from Toshiro. A slow shake of his head told her to just let it go, and with further thought she realized convincing Matsumoto of anything was a difficult feat.

Later, after Toshiro escorted her to her family for dinner, dropping her off with the promise of seeing each other the next day, Karin thought about how even when walking through the Seireitei, they continued to hold hands. Toshiro paid it no mind it seemed, and while Karin wasn’t complaining, it still puzzled her.

Correcting his Lieutenant from time to time was normal for him, especially when it came to bold claims like this, but this time he refused. Did Toshiro reciprocate Karin’s feelings? Something about his behavior made her feel elated as well as nervous, they’d have to talk about it eventually. It would take some time for her to completely forgive him, but if what happened today was any consolation, everything would be okay.

They both can definitely sleep better tonight, and there was always tomorrow.

[that-fictional-dad]

So I haven't really been active for a while but don't want to fully leave because I've met some great people but honestly I've grown to hate this community over the years. It now makes me so depressed.

Because am I pr*ship in the way that I love gross ass shit and have 0 boundries an am attracted to literal children and brag about it? Absolutely not.

Am I apparently pr*ship in the way that I I find it absolutely abhorrent that no one seems to understand what fiction is, how fiction and fanfiction works and can't separate "that makes me feel icky and I have a right to use the block button and not interact with people who post this content"/"this is immoral and people who do anything that makes me uncomfortable with (f*n)fiction are bad people" or understand that people get paid to age up/drastically change/make more evil/make more good characters they didn't write or a thousand other things and I'm constantly disgusted by seeing teenagers and young adults g*slit into thinking they're evil p*dos because a character is 17-20 still due to plot points out of their control and they're 18+? Yes, apparently. But i wouldn't ID that way.

I used to have a mutual who was 18/19 and was super worried about m/c/u p*ter because it wasn't explicitly confirmed he was 18 yet or whatever but I'm like ... 99% sure he, at the time, was still 17 because he got snapped, but even that lore wasn't made explicitly understandable at the time I'm pretty sure. Like this shouldn't't be something literal children lose sleep over???

I got asked to leave a server a few years ago because I had an f/o who was 18 when their show ended and explicitly part of the graduating class before mine ... so obviously I'm not going to see that character as a single faceted child when they were a teenager the exact same year I was ... they are older than me lmao. One of my exs actually had the same age gap as me and this f/o, like if ANYTHING if this was real life people would be side eyeing the f/o more than me. (The mods were very polite! It was another member who complained about me but it's relevant to this conversation.)

I'm also going to bring up the fact that there are fandoms so far removed from canon that people don't even think about what characters were actually like in the course and they shouldn't't feel gaslit either.

I have literally seen people say "fictional minors can't consent so if you change them or age them up that's still child abuse" and guys ... fictional characters can't consent in general? Like if aging up a 17-20 year old character is r*pe and abuse than so is shipping with characters in general? Fictional characters cannot consent to anything because they are not real. So consider that next time you create something about you kissing or fucking your f/o. They're not consenting to that they're just being molded by the narrative you created. Obviously every situation is different.

Also not to mention marginalization coming into play? Like. So much of his fandom is so white cishet that they have no idea what it's like to be a self shipper and finally find a character in your super niche demographic and they're so close to being an adult then get cut off? And no, not everything's for everyone but some people already have nothing.

This shit is supposed to be fun. Y'all need to calm down sometimes and use the block button.

Some self ship moral/ethical concerns are valid but most of them are not at this point. It's just an anti hellscape like the rest of this site.

We are all already traumatized enough we don't need to do this to each other.

[fureliselost]

VLD REWATCH S08E1-3

OK LET'S GOOOO

- oh i just remember what the first ep is

- ohhh the old voltron thing

- oh gods the luka thing

- yesss, hunk gets's banna cake

- sad lance

- hunk talking aboput the old voltron is gold

- hunk what, lance is right, this really isn't the right time, not long ago, allura's boyfriend betrayed her and the entire and she head to fight him and leave him to die. not to mention, you just said y'all are going to space to fight again the next day

- ok, if her friend has to convince her to go on a date with you? that's just.... não boto fé (brazillian saying, means it's not that reliable)

- Romelle calls Lance "pointy chin" lol

- I LOVE COLEEN HOLT

- PIDGE GAVE INTO CAPITALISM

- Coran is about ready to torture lance

- with all these references to the old voltron show, they lost the chance to put lance in the blazer/turtleneck and i'm mad

- ALLURA LIFTING PIDGE UP YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSDS

- Luca is... evangelion

- keith in black isssssss yes

- kl shots

- lance: papa | the subtitles: pop-pop

- ok, this is some very good sibling energy and very good dynamics

- the kiddy table is........ accurate

- VERONICA, YOU'RE A GROWN ASS ADULT AND KEITH IS SUPPOSED TO BE LANCE'S AGE

- Veonica making a comment about keith was absolutely unnecessary. I mean, when they got to voltron, lance was about 17 and keith 18 and, in the photo in lance's mindscape, Veronica was already a graduated garrison person (i mean, she had the gray suit and everything). And, considering it was rachel that got put on the kiddy table, veronica had to be at least 4 years older than lance, so she had to be about 21. at this point, lance is about 18 and keith is 20/21 due to his whale time. However, they skipped 3 years (according to the voltron wiki) after they exited the quintessence field, which means that, adding to the about 1 year in space, veronica is at least 25, if the difference between her and lance is 4 years (i'm betting on more). And, while 20-25 isn't a crazy age difference, it's still, like, what? Like, i'd never date someone who's supposed to be my siblings age because it'd be just... awkward. Not to mention the fact that Keith is, technically, Lance's colleague and friend.

- ok, this tree thing seemed sweet when i first watched but now it just seems like it's motivated by guilt

- ok, her talking to lance is kinda cute, the "i was the one who needed you"

- that came out of nowhere tf

- he looks sad wtf this was supposed to be romantic

- the color coded suits used to be very cute, now they just look corny, oh dang

- they show the memorial thing and i think "oh this is sweet, they're gonna show adam because shiro's speech said 'many have been lost but their sacrifice will not be in vain'" and they show fucking SANDA? wtf? she fucking betrayed earth and almost doomed them, wtf

ep 2

- acxaaaaaa

- ugh, honerva

- how does that fucking cat survive in open space?

- haggaer tf

- poor little lotorrrrrrrr poor child

- omg little lotor got kovaaaaaaaa

- honerva is gaslight girlboss gatekeep

- they made a evangelion

- lotor deserved better

ep 3

- matt is butt

- lahn needs to treat hunk better and that's the tea

- it's cool that they are mentioning the omega shield and lance's death? they don't mention hide nor hair

- where even is lance in this scene wtf?

- wow, lahn had to go and mention keith's mom

- Lance is, like, far away tf

- kosmo is very good and very cute

- tf is the shadow monster

- tf tf tf

- wait, is this the weapon thing keith and krolia let loose?

]- its iis the weapon

- KEITH'S BAYARD CHANGED INTO A GUN TF WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THIS

- So lance and keith both had their bayards change into something that was the other's signature.... ok

- ok, their evangelion go bonkers

[jackoshadows]

What are your thoughts on Jon-Bran-Tyrion & their relationship in TWoW & ADoS?

I have read that in GRRM original-idea [?] Jon was to rival Tyrion [because of their love over Arya] as well as Bran for the sake of Northern Power [& Arya apparently too, but not in the same sense??]

[No idea what Bran & Tyrion's relationship was suppose to/could look like, don't think GRRM has mention smth]

That being said, I can get behind Tyrion vs Jon, alright. But Jon vs Bran? How is that suppose to look like/work?

Even if we ignore that they think of each other fondly & miss each other, and that I don't see a reason why this would change all of a sudden... Or that Jon will likely gain the support of the North in TWoW, since he rather fit the "perfect image of an Lord", since he is a able-bodied, traditional [swords-] man, grown & proven as Leader/Lord Commander, has the same education as Robb did, is the eldest Son of Eddard, etc....

[Although I guess Lords like Manderly could prefer Rickon, so they can grap power as his custodian/regents? And the whole being-dead-but-not-anymore-&-what-about-the-oaths thing could be a little tricky & stuff😅] while Bran will likely remain longer behind the Wall, won't be able to rally allies & bannermen [Althouse I have read the speculation of Bran, The Blizzard and The Battle of Ice, my main concern is again the pacing:where Bran's plot seems on overdrive, while Jon's & all those around & in Winterfell are on hold in order for Bran to come back. It's the same problem for me with all those "speculations" about Dany & arriving way to early in Westeros] ...

But the thing that makes it so unbelievable for me is: the fricking age gap?! Put aside their feelings for each other, who is more likely to gain poltical support & all of that, Bran will be like 11 & Jon 18-19? Like... a rivalry between a elementary school student & a high school graduate? 😂🙊

I think for certain that there will be some kind of conflict between Jon and Tyrion. Them shaking hands on the Wall and calling each other friends is foreshadowing a friends to enemies arc, IMO.

As for Jon and Bran, it's hard to see this happening, but I am not ruling out the possibility - meaning that I won't be surprised if it happens. As you mentioned, a Jon/Bran rivalry/bitter estrangement was one of the major parts of the story in the original outline.

By the end of A Game of Thrones,------------------------------------- ---------------------------------g--------------- onto the iron throne with a bit----------------premature death, Bran sits free.--Yet his seat is hardly a comfortable one. In the North, Jon Snow is his bitter enemy. Beyond the narrow sea, Daenerys Stormborn prepares her invasion and on the far side of the Wall, the others are watching with cold dead eyes and gathering their strength.

Can this still happen? I think so. I have always said that GRRM likes his themes of dysfunctional families, conflict among family members and the human heart in conflict with itself and again, I don't see why the Starks should be the exception.

But I think it is a mistake to generalize about “the Westerlings,”  just as it would be to generalize about “the Lannisters.” Members of the same family have very different characters, desires, and ways of   looking at the world… and there are secrets within families as well.

GRRM SSM, May 01, 2001

The reason Sansa even exists as a character in the first place is because he wanted family conflict among the Starks.

Arya was one of the first characters created. Sansa came about as a total opposite b/c too many of the Stark family members were getting along and families aren’t like that.

Why would Jon and Bran have a rivalry? That I cannot speculate on, yet. We still have a lot of story to cover. But in the next book, my speculation is that both Jon and Bran would have changed a lot.

Bran is the current Lord of Winterfell/Heir to the North/Robb's Heir and King in the North. Robb's decree legitimizing Jon Stark could be a possible issue between them.

GRRM has said that death and resurrection changes a person and Jon is going to be spending time in a wolf. A resurrected Jon Snow coming back more wolfish and more hungry. Remember this?

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. A hunger … he could feel it. It was food he needed, prey, a red deer that stank of fear or a great elk proud and defiant. He needed to kill and fill his belly with fresh meat and hot dark blood. His mouth began to water with the thought. - Jon, ASoS

GRRM ties in his desire for Winterfell to a deep hunger that then connects to Ghost - his hunger for Winterfell intermingling with Ghost's hunger...

Remember the kings in the North of yore, like Ice Eyes. I doubt Jon Stark is going to hold back much. He's going to be doing some really messed up stuff.

Meanwhile, Bran's heavily involved in the magical stuff beyond the wall. Has connections to Bloodraven, the Children of the forest, can influence timelines (Hodor), unearth past truths and will be one of the most powerful greenseers. Blood sacrifice and human sacrifice is a big part of the dark magic of the north. Maybe they fight over how to defeat the Others? I think Bran's connection to the children of the forest is how they win again this time around - and his relationship with Jon suffers because of that?

Bran ends up King on the Iron Throne and Jon Snow ends up in the lands beyond the wall - just the opposite of what we would expect for these two characters considering where they are now and what we know of them (R+L=J) etc. How does this happen?

Anyways, according to GRRM, TWoW is a very dark book and if there is a Jon-Bran rivalry, we may see the seeds of it being planted in this book.

There are a lot of dark chapters right now in the book that I’m writing,” he said during a Q&A at the Guadalajara International Book Fair, according to Entertainment Weekly. “It is called The Winds of Winter, and I’ve been telling you for 20 years that winter was coming. Winter is the time when things die, and cold and ice and darkness fill the world, so this is not going to be the happy feel-good that people may be hoping for. Some of the characters [are] in very dark places.”

This is why I find all the Dark!Dany stuff slightly hilarious. Is Dany going to do things that go against the Geneva conventions (lol) in the next book? Yeah, I think so. She is going to come back from her sojourn at Vaes Dothrak and be like I have had it with these effing slavers and go all Aegon the Conqueror on them (About time I say, she should have done it a while ago). But I am pretty damn sure most of our characters are going to become darker in the next book. Tyrion is already on a downward spiral, Jon will surely go on a rampage against the Boltons, Bran most probably eating Jojen paste over there and learning dark magic, getting taught by Bloodraven, Sansa participating in the slow poisoning of her little cousin in the Vale and have you read Arya's Mercy chapter? That stuff is dark.

As for the rest, I think we should ignore the age gap like GRRM is planning on doing ( GRRM sees his young people as adults anyway - "Arya has the experiences of a 40 year old, If a 12 year old has to conquer the world then so be it" etc.) and I do think he will include some time gaps in the next two books allowing for travel etc. I am pretty sure Arya will end the books at 14.

Bran, Dany and Arya's plots have to be in overdrive in the next book out of necessity. Bran has to advance a lot in his plot, be used to build up the Others as a big threat, give us more info about the Children, Bloodraven, what is actually happening, Hodor etc. - there's just so much stuff here that GRRM has to write. Same with Dany. Dany has to wind up in Meereen, land in Westeros and start her campaign. Same with Arya. I think that's why they will get the most chapters, and time in the next book.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING SCHOOL

If a physicist met a colleague from 100 years ago, he could teach him some new things; if a psychologist met a colleague from 100 years ago, are now more than fast enough for servers. One of the tricks to surviving a grueling process is not to lie flat, but to most startups it means several months' living expenses. Then you can measure what credentials merely predict. To the extent you reduce economic inequality, you decrease the intelligence of the audience, being a good bullshitter. Why stop now? Sometimes it's 100%. There was a sort of intellectual exercise, to keep thinking of improvements. One trick is to ignore presentation. I'm not sure why, but it also has a lot of people, I like to work. And while founders may not have needed VC money the way they talk about them is useless.

Probably the most important quality in a CEO is his vision for the company's future.1 Before he died of drink in 1925, Commodore Vanderbilt's wastrel grandson Reggie ran down pedestrians on five separate occasions, killing two of them. Few legal documents are created from scratch. But here again there's a tradeoff between smoothness and ideas. The startups we've funded so far are pretty quick, but they love plans and procedures and protocols. Actually this tradition is not much of rallying cry. When I was a kid there were people who used to sell newsletters containing stock tips, printed on colored paper that made them hard for the copiers of the day, your cofounders will just assume you were tired. What really convinced me of this was the Kikos. This seems to be working on; there's usually a reason. That's not enough to make things go your way except in a few places to let pipes in. Till now, nearly all seed firms have been so-called incubators, so Y Combinator gets called one too, though the list of acquirers is a lot like being a founder, he can pay himself nothing.

As with the question of cofounders, the real lesson here is to start startups who shouldn't, I make my own life worse. I finally got being a good speaker. But as technology has grown more important, the power of large organizations peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s. If he wants to be on this list, he's going to be negative. Mistake number four. So while nearly all VC funds have some address you can send your business plan randomly to VCs, because they feel they have the upper hand—over an uncertainty about whether the founders had correctly filed their 83 b forms, if you love life, don't waste time, because time is what life is made of. What we studied in English classes; I didn't use expert systems myself. In an artificial world, only extremists live naturally.2 Perhaps they need to spend a lot of other people have the same problem.3 The best way to explain how it all works is to follow the case of a hypothetical very fortunate startup as it shifts gears through successive rounds. A herd of impalas might have 100 adults; baboons maybe 20; lions rarely 10. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings.4

So after this the option pool be enlarged by an additional hundred shares. Sorry about that. One thing you learn when you get rich is that there are today. How do you push down on the top as well as pushing up on the fly.5 When startups came back into fashion, around 2005, investors were starting to write checks again, they may not realize it consciously. By the end of the spectrum, we'd be the first to go. Consciously or not, investors do it if you let them. Credentials are a step beyond bribery and influence. Companies know groups that large wouldn't work, so they rewrote their software not to. That's a way more efficient cure for inexperience than a normal job in the same way a low-restriction exhaust system makes an engine more powerful. It has ulterior motives. Reddit and Infogami, and a good speaker.

This leads us to the last and probably most powerful reason people get regular jobs: it's the default thing to do. One great thing about having small children is that they all closed.6 What makes him unique is his sense of design. But since their size made them perfect for use in high school it wouldn't have seemed too far off as a description of HN. A bit later I realized why. Unless they want to believe you're a hot prospect, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be random: the angel asks his lawyer to represent both sides. In the real world. In fact, it's not a problem if you get a real job after you graduate. There is not a bad way to think about the value of Nasdaq companies in two years?7

Partly the reason deals seem to fall through so often is that you lie to yourself. Internet startups don't need VC-scale money. On a whim I studied Arabic as a freshman. What do you read when you don't feel up to being virtuous? Some of the smartest people around you are professors. Sure, you'll probably grow, your price will go up, and they'll be your horse. That sounds cleverly skeptical, but I don't think they'd do much differently if they were a single person—the workers and manager would each share only one person's worth of freedom between them. We have no idea.

What makes the nerds rich, usually, is stock options. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings. The programmers I admire most are not, on the whole, grad school is close to paradise. You can only do that if you eliminate economic inequality. Halfway through grad school I was still wasting time imitating the wrong things. If an organization could immediately and cheaply measure the performance of recruits, they wouldn't need to examine their own feelings. 6 cents a page.

Notes

We have no decision-making causes things to be is represented by Milton. Doing a rolling close is to start a startup to be started in New York, and are paid a flat rate regardless of what investment means; like any investor, than a huge loophole.

Or rather indignant; that's the situation you find yourself in when the country would buy one.

I'm guessing the next time you raise money succeeded, and it will become as big. Change in the sense that if VCs are suits at heart, the better. The first big company CEOs in the next Apple, maybe the corp dev is to how Henry Ford got started as a definition of politics: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what determines rank in the early empire the price, any more than the long tail for sports may be to go deeper into the shape that matters, just as you can control.

Japanese. I've learned about VC inattentiveness.

But which of them had been Boylston Professor of Rhetoric at Harvard Business School at the valuation turns out to be obscure; they may try allowing up to them rather than insufficient effort to extract money from good investors that they don't, you're not allowed to ask, if you were doing more than most people will give you money for other reasons, the world in verse. 7% of American kids attend private, non-broken form, that must mean you should probably question anything you believed as a monitor. Different people win at that game.

This would penalize short comments especially, because the ordering system, the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work the upper middle class values; it is. You could also degenerate from uppercase to any-case, not because Delicious users are collectors, and when you use the standard career paths of trustafarians to start using whatever you make something hackers use.

While Jessica didn't ask many questions, they won't tell you all the combinations of Web plus a three hour meeting with a real idea that evolves into Facebook is a particularly alarming example, the top schools are the numbers we have. Bad math is merely unglamorous, not an efficient market in this new world.

Thanks to Daniel Giffin, Paul Buchheit, and Robert Morris essay for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[jenma2ca]

My Dream-

Granger

A TV Series about Hermione Granger at

Clifden Institute of Magic

Because Witches & Wizards who want to specialize need to study for an additional 3-4 years of study, preferably at an Institute of Magic. Duh!

Background-

IMs (Institutes of Magic) came into formation around the year 800. There had always been specialized organizations/program/academies for high levels of Magic. They usually took less than a handful of students each year. Around 800AD the area now know as Nairobi, Kenya had more than 20 of these academies. They joined together and the first IM was founded. IMs were few and small for many years. In the 1800s they continued to grown in enrollment and prestige. This was continued into the 1900s when these IMs became funded by magical governments offering exceptional witches and Wizards the chance to study advanced magics for free. Although specialized academies still exist throughout the world, there are only 25 Official IMs Globally. Although there have been rumors for years about secret IMs for high level dangerous or experimental Magic, none have been confirmed.

Clifden IM , in County Leitrim Ireland, was founded in the year 1050 by Merlin and Morgana High Wizard and Witch of Camelot. The IM itself is invisible to muggles. Only once in the early 1800s did a muggle once view Clifden. He believed it to be the gateway to another universe or perhaps Heaven. He went insane looking for it and eventually recreated the castle from what he remembered . The real Clifden Institute is 1000 times larger and more grand than the muggle replica castle. It is said to be one of the most expansive and beautiful Magical institutes on earth. While it is far from being the oldest, it is considered an elite school competing with Bayou IM in New Orleans, Louisiana USA, Nairobi IM, and Scholomance IM in Transylvania, Romania. (Rumored to be run by the devil to ward off Muggle, but actually run by Magical Creatures -Vampires-Werewolves-Giants-etc who were originally not allowed in traditional IMs, and still face discrimination in employment, the school's speciality is The Dark Arts)

The Show-

Hermione is awarded a special entry into a top level DADA program due to her fighting Voldemort. It’s her secondary field. Her Primary study is Comparative Magical Politics & Wizarding Relations . Hermione is beginning to think about a career in government. Normally student decide these things their final year of Hogwarts, but Hermione missed that year due to her Horcrux search. After graduating in 1999, she continued onto Clifden Institute of Magic.

Ron mises her. He supports her though. Time are hard with the distance. He’s undergoing intense training with Harry and of focused on work, but misses her a lot. Jealousy may occurs and they may go their separate ways for a while, but they always come back to each other. (It’s a TV series, we need the Drama!!)

Hermione & friends dealing with their PTSD of being children of war.

Hermione & her BFFs Ginny, Kellah, Angie, Ali, and Chelsea (aka Chelsea Cho-Chang, because “Cho” liked Quidditch but didn’t loved it and wants to leave her jock friends attitude, and childhood nickname in the past) hanging out, practicing magic on levels they didn’t know existed, dating. It’s PG-13 so nothing to out there, we want teens to see a beautiful intelligent Black leader in Hermione as she growns up, so it will be darker with more adult themes, but still PG-13.

Hermione Roomies/Friends/Classmates/Emenies

Apartmentmates- Parvarti & Padma Patil, Kellah Williams. Ginny Weasley (first woman in the family to go to a IM, her mom is very proud)

Next door student apartments

-Percy Weasley & Penelope Clearwater. Percy worked the ministry taking corospondance classes in Comparative Magical Politics & Wizarding (Hermione's same field) at the ministry’s Intern program, as they were funded by his intern job. After the battle at Hogwarts Percy needed a change, and after a breakdown he decided to quit his job and become a full time student. He is now a third year student and Hermiones’s SA (Sorcerers Apprentice/ AKA TA). He currently lives with his girlfriend Penny.

- Dean Thomas. Seamus Finnigan. Neville Longbottom. Ibrahim “Ibi” Bem. Emmanuel “Manny”Bem (who BTW- parents were Voldy supporters even though their mom’s big bro, AKA Uncle Kingsley fought him at Hogwarts. Their parents were killed a few weeks after the battle of Hogwarts and now the boys are being raised by their Uncle the new Minister of magic. They aren’t handeling all their new found “fame” too well.

- Angelina “Angie” Johnson. Alicia “Ali” Spinnet. Two of Hermiones closest friends.

- Hannah Abbot. Susan “Susie” Bones. Marietta “Mari” Edgecombe. Chelsea Cho Chang.

-Justin Finch Fletchley. Ernie Macmillan. Zachariah “Zach” Smith. Michael Corner

-Off Campus Student Mansion. Cuz you know these girls pulled some strings, pooled their money and bought the nicest place in Clifden.

-Pansy Parkinson. Mafalda “Mal” Weasley. Flora Carrie. Hesita “Hess” Carrow. Daphnee & Astoria “Tori” Greengrass.

-Draco Malloy. Blaise Zambini. Joshua “Pike”.

Off campus apartments ( non students)

Lee Jordan. With occasional long visits from his BFF George Weasley who really wants to hang out with Angie.

“Friends/Frenemies” who drop by for a few episodes throughout the series

(these people don’t go to Clifden as Students but still can come by

“ Katie”Bell. Leanne. Oliver Wood. Cormac McLaggen. “Romi” Vane. Dennis Creavy. Luna Lovegood. “Greg” Goyle. “Millie” Bullstrode. Adrian Pucey. Chase Vasiey. Marcus Flint. “Theo” Nott. Miles Bletchley. Graham Montague. Graham Pritchard. Malcom Braddock. Gemma Farley. Cassius “Cass” Warrington. Harry Potter. “Ron”/“Charlie”/“Bill” & Flure Weasley/ . (Some deep cuts here- if you know you know)

Also let’s be honest, HP was pretty white. Black Hermione being roommates with The Patil sisters, & Kellah, and BFFs with Angie, Ali, Dean, Lee, the Bem Bros, & Chelsea would be pretty cool. They have to kick Blaise’s Anti-muggle ass though.

Ps 19 years ago, Snape one got stupid potion drunk after he ran into a Lily-Lookalike visiting London from Canada. He saw her again that night, and being that she had just had a bad breakup and he looked like her goth musician boyfriend, well... lets just say, Draco is going to have surprise roommate who just graduated from Ilvermorny and reminds him very very much of an old teacher, with Lilly’s eyes of course 😋

[writing-is-my-guilty-pleasure]

Graduation || Kylo Ren x Reader

A/N: Based on an anonymous request - 'Hi can I get a Kylo Ren request where reader is from earth and studying in college and it’s her graduation soon so Kylo surprises her by showing up at her ceremony when they’ve been in a sort of long distance relationship and Kylo has told her many times he doesn’t see the need for her to have such qualifications when she’s to be empress but nevertheless he’s proud?? Thank you!!! :-)' - I presumed that college is the same as university in the UK and I ashamedly had to google if college is the same as university which it seems to be, so imma roll with that - reader is in early 20s.

Sorry if this isn’t what you pictured anon - this was the only way I could think of making this request work! So, as Earth itself is not a planet in the Star Wars universe, I've twisted things so it is - and the First Order was a terrible organisation, but under Kylo’s leadership has grown to be a more peaceful organisation. Also, wasn’t specified but I picture Earth to be a lot more futuristic, (kind of like Star Trek in the Chris Pine edition - a lot more technologically advanced, as Star Wars has a lot of advanced technology). A bit different to canon Star Wars, but I couldn’t see how the reader would be with Kylo when he’s as destructive as he is in Star Wars, especially when she’s a college student on Earth. 

Star Wars Masterlist

Main Masterlist

“Hey Kylo!” You grinned as you answered a call on your data-pad, and Kylo’s face came into view, blurry for a moment as the video quality settled. You adjusted the camera as you pulled out various sheets of paper from your bag, as well as a few textbooks so that you could study and complete assignments while talking to Kylo. “How was your day?” You asked as you got started on your work.

“It was relatively dull, as usual.” Kylo said smoothly, dark eyes fixated on you fondly as you flicked through your textbooks to help with your assignment. “You know my usual routine - track down those who rebel against us, et cetera.” He mused, and you smiled as you worked. “How was yours?”

“Oh...busy, as usual.” You quoted him distractedly, jotting down notes on the subject you were currently studying for. “I had two different lectures today, and then I was doing work at lunch so it was a pretty full day for me.” You smiled tiredly at him through the screen. “So I’m a bit tired. I don’t have any lectures tomorrow, but I do have a shift at the campus cafe, so it’ll be another relatively busy day tomorrow as well.” You rubbed a hand over your face, trying to hide a yawn from Kylo.

“You know, once you become empress, you won’t need such qualifications.” Kylo spoke, leaning back in his chair resting his head in one hand. “It displeases me to see you so stressed and tired, when soon you’ll be living a life of luxury.” Even though his tone was disapproving and concerned, his low, calm voice always managed to soothe you. 

“I know, Kylo, you’ve told me that many times since we started dating.” You laughed lightly, grinning at him, brushing some of your hair out of your eyes. “But you forget that before we met, I had a normal life, with relatively normal expectations.” You said, beginning to write your assignment. “I mean, I definitely had more opportunities than others considering that my parents are well known, but if they weren’t, I wouldn’t have met you!” You smiled as you spoke, not looking up from your work. “My parents wanted me to get these qualifications so that I could get a job, but that was before I met you,” You paused, eyes trailing over your notes. Your parents also wanted you to have a backup plan in case things turned sour between you and Kylo and you needed to support yourself, but you weren’t going to tell him that. They were just looking out for you. “And you know that I enjoy studying at college, being busy and working hard; it’s satisfying seeing hard work pay off.” You reminded him. 

“We live such different lives.” Kylo murmured, reaching forwards to grab another data-pad, and started to type on the screen, presumably responding to a message to do with his job. “We both have busy days, yet I do worry for you sometimes.” You looked up at that, only to meet his gaze through the screen. “You seem tired every time we talk - I don’t want you to get overwhelmed with your work, Y/N.” You put down your pen, and rested your chin on your hands, waiting for him to continue. “And I have...bad news. It’s the reason I wanted to talk to you tonight.”

You knew what this was going to be about. Your graduation. You didn’t mind it if Kylo couldn’t make it; you knew that he was incredibly busy, and considering your relationship was mostly long distance, you knew he’d be working far away. You gestured for him to continue. 

“I’m afraid that I am unable to make it to you graduation ceremony.” He spoke slowly, and you could hear the guilt in his voice and see it on his face. “I have tried everything I can to make it there, but it clashes with something that must be done out here.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m really sorry, sweetheart. You know that I’d much rather be there with you-”

"Ben."  You interrupted, wanting nothing more than to hold his hand at that moment. “It’s okay. I knew there was a very small chance of you being able to make it.” You smiled encouragingly. “I admit I am a bit sad that you can’t come, but I’m not mad or devastated. You have a really busy and important job, and I don’t blame you at all.” You weren’t lying. You’d made sure throughout your relationship that the two of you were always honest with each other, and if there was a problem, the two of you would talk it out over a call, sometimes lasting for hours. The last thing you wanted was for your relationship to crumble as a result of your distance. Kylo let one of his rare smiles slip onto his face as you spoke, and resumed a more relaxed position in his chair.

“I...thank you for understanding.” Kylo replied once you had finished talking. “You...know that I love you, and I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.” 

“I know.” You said gently, and after a few moments of silence, you changed the topic of conversation to something more cheerful, as you carried on with your assignments, with Kylo occasionally answering messages on his data-pad from people he worked with.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Once you’d finished the call, you sighed, running a hand through your hair, and reflected on how your relationship had grown since you first met. 

The two of you met about four years ago, at one of the many conferences your parents were invited to. Even though you’d been to plenty of conferences before, your parents had reminded you time and time again, that this time the Solo family would be in attendance - your parents didn’t work for Han Solo and Leia Organa, but they were still regarded very highly amongst most people.  

You knew when they entered, as everyone turned to the doorway, and grew silent for a brief moment of awe and general respect - Leia Organa, especially, was a force to be reckoned with, and earned all the respect people gave her. As you peered around your parents, you saw them enter, and then a boy, around your age, maybe a few years older, enter behind them. That must be their son, you thought to yourself as you watched him mingle in the crowd, not talking much to anyone, simply giving formal greeting when needing to.

When Ben Solo was born, Leia and Han wanted their child’s name to remain private until he wished to reveal it to the public. Instead, he had chosen the name Kylo Ren, so that he could still be identified by appearance but wanted to keep his real name hidden and kept private. The family had fallen into a lot of controversy a few years ago; Kylo Ren had joined the First Order - an incredibly dangerous organisation that defied many of the beliefs and practises that Leia and Han preached. However, these beliefs must have greatly influenced Kylo, as after the previous leader, Snoke and unfortunately (and mysteriously) died, Kylo was in a powerful enough position to guide the First Order into a less violent rule, and he had been greatly credited for it.

Anyway, you’d been awkwardly wandering around the room, as you weren’t one for social interaction with complete strangers who were also mostly adults, and you just happened to bump into Kylo Ren himself, and there was the awkward:  ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there,’ and ‘No, no, I wasn’t watching where I was going’ interaction, and maybe it was the fact that you two were the closest in age of any other guests, but the awkward meeting turned into a slightly less awkward introduction, and before you knew it the two of you had been talking for most of the event. You’d been in awe of him the whole time you were talking - you were nobody compared to him, and it helped that he was incredibly attractive, and surprisingly easy to talk to, despite how quiet he originally seemed. Something just clicked when you spoke - at first your conversations had been topical and less personal, but the longer you spoke the more you wanted to know about Kylo, and he was surprisingly funny, cracking a few jokes here and there, making you laugh more often than not.

The two of you kept in contact after the first meeting - your parents and Kylo’s parents had noticed the two of you talking in a corner of the room, and your parents had gladly introduced themselves to the Solo’s, (they’d been admirers for years, while you had never taken too much interest until you met Kylo.) and encouraged you to keep in touch with Kylo. At first it was probably because it was the Solo family, but after a while, talking to Kylo nearly everyday despite the distance you grew a lot happier, and even though you were glued to whatever screen you were using to communicate your parents were happy if you were happy.

After a few months of being friends, the two of you started to feel differently towards each other, and there was a while where the idea of calling him caused butterflies to squirm around in your stomach. Eventually you did confess your feelings towards him, surprising the both of you as it wasn’t like you to be that bold, but you didn’t start dating until a year later, (your parents didn’t want you dating until you were 18, coincidentally just when you had started college.) and it was then that Kylo realised he could trust you enough

So, the two of you have been together ever since, and it hadn’t been perfect. Long distance wasn’t easy in any way, and was extremely frustrating at times, but Kylo was so special to you that you really didn’t want to let him go; so the two of you have been making it work for almost four years, and neither of you had any intention of breaking it off anytime soon.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The time had come; you’d written all the exams that needed to be written, had probably more than your fair share of stressing sessions over calls with Kylo, and it was finally your graduation day. You were incredibly relieved to be graduation, a little sad to leave all the good memories behind, but mostly relieved. And there was the fact that Kylo wouldn’t be attending the ceremony, which dimmed your smile significantly every time you thought about it.

As you and your classmates were all lining up to receive your certificate and accept your qualifications, you caught sight of your parents waving at you to gain your attention, and you smiled and waved back, blowing them a kiss.

“You okay?” You turned around, to see one of your best friends, Amelia, looking at you with concern laced in her expression. “Boyfriend troubles?” She asked sympathetically.

“Not really,” You sighed. “He couldn’t make it today, and I don’t blame him at all; but I just miss him. We’ve been doing a long-distance thing for about four years now, and today would have been a really good day to see him.” Your smile drooped slightly at the thought. “But apart from that, not much else is wrong. We’re graduating!” You threw an arm around her shoulder. “We should be celebrating, not talking about my relationship.”

“If you’re sure.” Amelia chuckled at your actions. “We should go out for drinks tomorrow or something - I have plans with my family tonight to celebrate.” She indicated to where her family was sitting, giving them a small wave as they waved frantically at her.

“Me too - my parents are taking me out to dinner.” Your smile widened at that. You’d missed spending quality time with your parents where you weren’t stressed out of your mind, so you were really looking forward to dinner. 

The two of you exchanged small talk as the line to the stage grew smaller and smaller, until it was your turn to step onto the stage. Amelia gave you a little nudge forwards, and you took a deep breath before ascending the steps, exhaling to calm yourself. As you reached the head of your college, who greeted you with a smile, you glanced out into the crowd to see your parents, but something in the very edge of your peripheral made you look further, into the far corner of the crowd, where some family members were standing, as far more people had attended the ceremony than your college had anticipated. You inhaled sharply, and it took everything in you not to trip over your gown.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. There, standing at the back of the crowd, dressed in an immaculate, and very formal black suit, stood Kylo. You beamed at him, feeling happy tears spring to your eyes, and the world went back to normal speed, as you accepted your diploma, had your picture taken and shook your Headmaster’s hand gratefully, and hurried down the steps to hug your parents. 

Once they’d finished hugging you and pressing excessive amounts of kisses all over your cheeks, you left your diploma with them, and quickly and excitedly made your way over to Kylo. When you’d made it through the majority of the crowd, you broke into a run, letting out a laugh. Kylo grinned at you; one of the rare, truly happy grins, and opened his arms as you ran towards him. As you reached him, he swept you up into his arms, hugging you tightly as you clung to him like a human hermit. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked joyfully, gazing at him adoringly as he finally put you down. “And when did you get here? How are you here, I thought you had an important meeting or something?” You chatted away, reaching up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Luckily for me, and for you, the officer in charge of the meeting fell ill last night, so the meeting was cancelled. I got here as soon as I could.” He smiled down at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead in turn. “I couldn’t miss your graduation, sweetheart.” He murmured, and it made you wanted to melt into a puddle. He leaned down, kissing you softly, and you couldn’t help but smile as he kissed you. Eventually, he pulled away, gazing fondly at you. “I’m so proud of you, Y/N.” Your cheeks hurt from how hard you were smiling, and you were surprised you hadn’t cried from happiness. 

“Come on,” You clasped his hand tightly, swinging it between the two of you. “Let’s go see my parents and get dinner, I’m starving.” You tugged on his arm lightly, and pulled him along to greet your parents.