#you GUYS. ocs are just so fucking rad

[toytulini]

thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.

[redhotarsenic]

Okay so I just got done watching the thing 1982 and like. That movie is AIRTIGHT damn

[bonafideyapper]

THE TRADER'S DAUGHTER - cooper "the ghoul" howard x female!oc (part 4)

*THIS IS A DIRECT CONTINUATION OF PART 3** (guess what? I LIED when I said it would be past/present/past/present, enjoy whatever this is.)

Warnings: language, badly written smut, mentions of body hair (has to be a normal occurence in fallout bc theres no razors out there????), dbf!cooper, P in V sex, unprotected sex, ghoul fucking, unprotected irradiated creampie, Rad Away as birth control, as always not proofread

a/n: Alright! I’m not fully happy with this, but I DID promise a part 4 tonight so here she is in all her glory. Still bad at writing smut, deal with it. (Even tho I’m bad at writing it this is basically just smut with like, small plot points strewn about.)

Word count: 2.1k

previous part - masterlist

Previously, on The Trader's Daughter...

“Ohh, ya want me to touch ya, huh?” Cooper spoke in a hushed tone so as to not alert to her father in the next room what was about to happen. “What happened to you’re too young for me?” He squeezed her thigh with a strong grip, a wide grin coming to his face as he coaxed her thighs open. 

“Coop, I-” Daisy breathlessly whispered, overwhelmed by the man and his voice and his hands. Lord have mercy, his hands, those hands that she had dreamed about touching her in ways that would make angels cry. The hands that had strangled a man to death for threatening her. 

“I want you to touch me.”

“Well now darlin’, I can touch you however you want me to. But this ain’t gonna be no casual fuck. If I touch you now, you’re a marked woman.” Cooper whispered against the shell of Daisy’s ear, his scarred hand scooting closer to where she craved him most. He could tell she was flustered, and he loved that even after years of being hardened by the wasteland, he still had that panty-dropping effect on members of the fairer sex. 

“You sure you want an old man like me to irradiate that pretty little body of yours, flower?” Cooper kept his voice low, fully aware of his friend snoring less than ten feet away. 

Daisy’s mouth was dry and she would kill for some water. Somehow she managed to whisper back, “I’ve been on the surface a long time too, Cooper. I can handle a little rad poisoning. Got a good supply of Rad Away stashed away.” 

Cooper ran his tongue over his cracked lips, intrigued by the spice coming from the sweet little lady falling apart and he hadn’t even started to touch her yet. “Yeah? Sounds like you’ve been waitin’ a while for a moment like this, sugar. Hell, if I’d’ve known you’d been waitin’ for me this long I would’ve made my way back to you sooner. Could’a gave you another pretty little gift.” His hand reached for her necklace, letting his large calloused digits linger around the little white pearl. He could feel the breath trapped in her chest and swore he could hear the thumping of her heart trapped behind her ribs.

A decade of yearning had led her here, and Daisy was latching on. “Can I um, can I tell you something, Coop?” She felt like a teenage girl again as she looked up at the ghoul inching closer and closer to her, until his knee was slotted between the two of hers. If her father were to walk out now, they could probably play off the position as platonic, as an old friend leaning closer to get a good look at someone they hadn’t seen in years. A wave of nerves rushed over her as she watched him nod, calming herself as she thought about how he was much less of an intimidating figure without that old cowboy hat perched on top of his head. 

“You’re like, the guy I modeled my dream man after-” Daisy froze when she heard a shift to her father’s snoring pattern, bringing her awareness back to her surroundings. Cooper swiftly grabbed her chin to force her attention on him. “Uh uh, attention back on me, sweetheart. It’s just us. Now, you were sayin’ about how I was your perfect man?” As he spoke, his hand crept closer to the belt still fastened around her waist, taking his time and being disrespectful in his slow movements to pop her pants open. With each point the woman listed about how he was the model, he dipped one more finger down the front of her pants. 

“W-Well yeah, you’ve always been a very honorable man. Always take care of the people close to you.” Daisy tried to keep the conversation as casual as she could but still put up no fight as his fingers dipped below her waistband. She cautiously scooted herself down in the chair to widen her legs for him, blushing when he clicked his teeth, “That’s a good girl. You gonna keep bein’ a good girl for me, flower? Keep tellin’ me ‘bout myself.” Cooper smirked at her, his fingers ghosting over the skin of her stomach.

Daisy swiped her tongue over her lips, desperate for some kind of moisture in her mouth. She’d gladly accept it if he spit in her mouth, and actually, she wanted it. She’d do anything for him, especially if it would keep his hand sinking further down. “I think that you’re a good protector, a great shot back in the day. I’d totally outshoot you now.” She had to throw in a little jab of attitude towards him, wanting to see where it’d get her. “Like the way you talk, always callin’ me some kind o’ pretty-” 

Cooper could’ve lost it right then and there when his fingers slipped through the soft curly bush coating her puffy lips, “Look at that, sweet girl, you’re soaked and I ain’t even really touched you yet.”  He bragged, letting his finger tap against her clit a few times to watch her twitch, “And princess, as much as I wanna hear that sweet voice of yours scream my name, gonna need you to be quiet for me. Think you can do that?” He whispered to her as he sunk two thick digits into her dripping hole, shoving the same fingers on his other hand into her mouth to silence her when her jaw went slack. “Bite down if you need to; I won’t mind.” 

Daisy was on cloud nine, needing to grip the table to hold herself together. She couldn’t tell if this was really happening, not until she felt his weathered fingers brushing against that little spot inside her, building up a tight knot that he was eager to coax from her. She wrapped her pretty little lips around his fingers and then Coop thought he was on cloud nine— he’d get those pretty little lips wrapped around something else soon enough, but right now he was committed to teasing her and making her cum with his fingers. Y’know, had to see if he still got it (he did, he was shocked to find that it took less than five minutes of manipulation for her to gush in his hand with a muffled moan as he clasped his hand over her mouth.) 

Daisy closed her thighs around his hands and tried to let her head tip back, half-lidded eyes staring up at his as he dug his fingers in her mouth and pulled her head up to look at him. She whimpered at the loss of his fingers and watched as he licked them clean, a bright red tinge on her cheeks. 

“Sweeter than any peach I’ve ever tasted, flower.” Cooper ran his finger over her lips gently, letting her taste herself on the digit. She damn near couldn’t see straight and here he was, still egging her on. “Now, princess, think you can stay quiet for me?” 

Any kind of strong-woman act that Daisy had created for herself in her lifetime had dissolved in an instant, turning to putty in his hands and feeling like she was a virgin all over again as she begged him to fuck her. “Please, Cooper, please- I’ll be quiet, I promise. Please, please-” She whispered, keeping her eyes locked on his to show she was being serious. “We can go downstairs, won’t have to worry about dad.” 

Cooper pushed himself back from her and stood up, holding his hand out for her to take. “Come on then, pretty girl.” Daisy was quick to stand on her shaky legs, not seeming to care about the wet spot that had formed between her legs. She grabbed onto his hand and essentially dragged him down the stairs, pretty eager for a grown woman. Hey, again, Cooper reawoken her teenage dream, Daisy is in no way to blame for her actions. Without having to think about his actions, Cooper easily tossed the girl around like a ragdoll. Their bodies combined in a mixture of clashing teeth and lips and limbs blindly grabbing for each other. Daisy slung an arm around his neck to pull his head closer to her, channeling a lifetime of desire behind her kiss. She’d never been kissed like this before, none of the boys she had messed around with during her girlhood had ever touched her the way Cooper had been 

She didn’t have to be told twice, Cooper had barely muttered a “get these off” while pulling at her pants and she had dropped them down around her ankles. She kicked them off and smiled wide when he put his hands on her again, this time to easily lift her up onto the countertop. Daisy locked her legs around his waist and whimpered softly when he broke away from her, already begging for him again, “Coop, please don’t stop yet-” “Aw, darlin’, I’m not stoppin’ shit.” Cooper cracked a sideways smirk, “Not gonna keep you beggin’, either, even though you sound sooo pretty.” he let her dig her hands between them, watching her eagerly take his belt off in the dark backroom of the storefront. He made short work of pushing his pants down, reaching down to grab her thighs and pull her closer to his front.

Daisy helped him out a little by scooting her hips forward, just barely hanging off the side of the counter. She couldn’t help but notice how large his hands were against the flesh of her plump thighs as he grabbed on her, wishing she could see more of him in the dark. She wondered how the years of radiation exposure had affected his dick, but didn’t have to spend long on that thought before he had lined himself up and thrust into her. “Oh fuck-” As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth in a moan, Cooper had that hand slapped over her mouth again.

“Nuh-uh, none of that now, flower. Gonna- fuck- gonna wake up your old man. Don’t want that now, do we?” Cooper whispered against the shell of her ear, barely able to hold himself together now that he was inside her and damn-near feral. He smirked as she nodded against him, her eyes still trained on his. “Good girl.” he whispered as he painstakingly pulled out of her to just the tip, only to slide right back in and bottom out with his hips flush against hers.

Daisy whimpered against his hand and reached up to hold it firmly against her mouth, not wanting to risk not being his good girl. (Also not wanting to risk her dad walking in, but to be honest, she wasn’t thinking much about him when Cooper was between her thighs.) She couldn’t think straight, her mind was completely occupied with himhimhimhimhim. Part of her still felt like this was a dream as she mumbled something against his hand, something along the lines of “don’t hold back.” She figured he could understand her because instead of that painfully slowwww process of teasing her, he started fucking her. And this wasn’t like any of the meaningless fucks she had before, this was with a grown man, a man who had been changed by the immense suffering he had been through before he fell into her life. He was fucking her like his life depended on it and she was drunk on every second. 

Cooper didn’t know how long he’d be able to last with her walls gripping him the way she was, with her pretty brown eyes locked on his the entire time. It was much more intimate than he had intended for this to go, he had wanted it to be a good fuck but not one that would leave her wanting more. He had things he needed to do once he left her in the morning, and he hoped that this would be enough to tide her over until he could come back to his Daisy. 

Unbeknownst to him, she’d be joining him in his next adventure, whether he wanted her to or not. 

“Fuck, darlin’, where do you wan’ me to fin’sh?” Cooper groaned out softly, digging his scarred fingers into the soft skin of her hips, hard enough to leave bruises to remember him by. His words had started to slur together more than usual with that accent of his. Daisy whimpered as she leaned up to press her lips to his, gripping onto the back of his head to keep him close to her, “Told you I got enough Rad Away to stock a Super Duper Mart, where d’ya think I wanted it?” She still had that snippy little attitude to her even after Coop did his best to fuck it out of her (although that hadn’t been the primary goal, it’ll continue to be his goal as long as he continues to fuck her.) 

His smirk lit up his face as he bottomed out in her one last time, his hips faltering a bit as he happily pumped her full of his unfruitful seed. He kept his eyes on her face as he watched her- what, third? orgasm take over her. He had lost count after he made her cum the first time with just his fingers. Gentle in his movements this time around, he pulled out of her slowly, taking a second to lean back and watch the cum leak from between her thighs. A satisfied smirk never leaving his face, “Where do you keep the Rad Away?”

gif credit @thesoldiersminute

divider credit @cafekitsune

taglist: @savanahc @one-of-thewalkingdead @silverose365 @neverendingdumptser @fallout-girl219 @imtherain @looneylooomis

(I'm trying to compile my taglist from both accounts, so I hope I didn't forget anyone!)

[concreteburialplot]

VIRALITY // 12

12 - Liar, Liar*

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!oc [vallie]

more: chp 11 // masterlist | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 14.7k (strap in)

Summary: Following Noah and Vallie's thrift shop adventure, Vallie faces the consequences of her actions. After the launch of their new music video, Vallie realizes she might not like what she wished for. A pivotal decision reshapes the group's dynamics, leading to a significant change in the connection between a specific pair.

warnings: alcohol, bratty noah, smoking, heartache, yearning, regret, jealousy, unprotected sex, cream pie x2, oral (f receiving), cum eating kinda?, angry nick but also soft nick???, fluffy???, she's just a girl ok, mediocre writing lol, sorry this has taken 500 years, my apology is that it's long as fuck, 18+ MDNI

Disclaimer - This story is AU since it does not follow actual timelines or events. The band here is still fairly small & does things entirely on their own with no other support.

Reminder; Minor band crossovers (greta van fleet / chase atlantic) to supply side characters :)

don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

VALLIE

When Noah and I walk up the gravelly incline to the warehouse, the rest of the band and Bryan are all on their phones lounging on different surfaces - chairs with feet propped on tables, against the brick wall, spread out on the floor. Boredom was an understatement. 

“Well, took you guys long enough.” Grumbles Jolly. “What did you get lost picking out scarves?”

My heart skips a beat at the coincidental wording. “Sorry, we really had to dig to find anything.” I mumble quickly, throwing the plastic shopping bags on the ground.

“Well, did you find anything good?” Jolly asks.

“Oh, we found something good alright.” Noah replies, shoving his hand into a plastic bag to retrieve the cursed fedora.

I roll my eyes and playfully smack his arm, “Shut up.”

“No.” He says matter-of-factly, with a popped hip and a hand on his waist. “It’s your fault, you put it on my head.”

“Yeah whatever.” I laugh and wave off his silliness.

I suddenly feel all eyes in the room on us accompanied by an awkward stillness. Of course they’d be thrown off, we could barely be in a room together before we left, why wouldn’t this be strange?

I glance up for a split second before digging into the bags and find Nicholas’ eyes watching us intently. His brows low and eyes sharp.

In my tummy swirls a feeling so closely reminiscent of guilt, similar to when I was with Kras last night. But neither make any sense. Nicholas and I aren’t anything, it shouldn’t matter. Kras and I are just friends. And Noah and I definitely are not anything. And yet, here he is looking angry and here I am feeling guilty.

After handing out the thrifted clothes and a wardrobe change, the boys come out in their new clothes, and they look perfect. The pieces we chose embody each one of them flawlessly. They fit the direction Noah wants for the music video but they’re rather simple. Folio’s is the most basic in a plain black shirt, black jeans, and his sneakers. Jolly’s is a black long sleeve button down, tight black pants paired with his hefty combat boots. Noah’s outfit was centered around the black peacoat we found as the statement piece with a black turtleneck beneath it, black pants and boots. We even picked up something for Bryan even though he was staying behind the camera - he got a vintage Kodak t-shirt, which he thought was “rad as hell”. 

Since I showed up in last night’s sweats, I figured I’d pick up an outfit as well. I found a grey sundress. It’s something I would normally only wear in casual settings, but I wanted to be comfy and it was the only halfway cute thing in the thrift shop.

The outfit I picked out for Nicholas was the best one, but I may be biased. It’s a thin black sweater with thumb holes atop a black turtleneck paired with baggy, strappy pants and finished off with black leather combat boots.

With the new uniforms, the band and crew seem to have a reinvigorated morale. It did exactly what I needed it to do, it gave them the spark they needed to bring the music video to life. 

We spend our time running the song over and over while Bryan gets shots from all angles. I got some content for posting and even posed the boys for some social media trends, which they all hated except Folio, and Bryan in the background. Since I was done gathering content, I sat at the plastic picnic table on the far side of the warehouse diagonal from the makeshift stage while they continued to shoot slightly different variations.

I plug my phone and camera into my Macbook to import the photos and videos I took to begin editing them and schedule them for posting.

“Vallie.” I hear a voice call amongst mumbling between a take.

I snap up to match the voice to the source: Noah.

“What’s up?” I respond, half expecting to be met with some sort of criticism or snarky remark.

“Were you paying attention to this last take?” He questions, but not in an accusatory way that I’d normally anticipate, just genuine curiosity.

“A little, why?”

“What did you think of the intro?”

A hush blankets the room and the rest of them look between us as if they’d seen a ghost. I’m glad we’re finally kind of getting along but I wish he wouldn’t make it so obvious. Especially in front of Nicholas. The odd feeling in the room dances a chill up my arms leaving goosebumps behind.

“Oh um, I liked it? It was cool.” Truthfully, I’m not sure that I did like it, but I just wanted to move on from being in the spotlight.

He gives me a wide, genuine grin like a kid in the middle of a playground, “Sick, I thought so too.”

I glance over at Bryan, who is slowly but surely becoming my lifeline in these situations. He offers a ‘I don’t know either but just roll with it?’ look with a brow wiggle and a barely noticeable shrug.

Mid-shoot everyone needed some sort of touch up. I somehow had my job description expanded to include wardrobe and makeup.

The one I dreaded the most was Nicholas.

I walk over to him, mute, focusing my eyes straight forward which for me happens to be his chest. I keep my gaze away from his eyes as I fix the collar of his cardigan.

He too keeps his focus off of me.

“Sorry I acted like an ass earlier.” He says sounding partially sincere, partially grumpy. “It was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

I clear my throat. An apology was the last thing I expected and the last thing I deserve. “It’s okay.”

A quiet pause fills the small space between us.

“So, you’re seeing someone?” He questions casually but I can tell it’s anything but casual.

I press my lips together contemplating if I really want to commit this hard to the ruse. But Kras is right, and my gut is right. No matter how much I want to stay entangled with him, it can’t continue. I don’t know how well this action plan is going to work, but I have to try.

“Yes.” I lie with fake confidence. “Kind of.”

He takes a moment to process my response which makes me question how good of a job I did with lying. Finally, he nods, his eyes still locked on something past the opening of the warehouse.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” I sweeten the lie.

“I guess that’s a good thing then, you know, for our jobs and all.” His voice light, as if he’s purposefully making it seem more nonchalant than it is. I know I hurt him, I can hear it in his voice. Whether it was his heart or his ego that I hurt, I’m not sure but all I know is that we went too far. “It just would’ve been nice to know.”

The painful twist in my chest confirms that I made the right decision to stick to the plan. I'm already so invested in him that it hurts; I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I let myself fall any deeper.

I swallow the very faint lump in my throat and flatten out the thin material resting on his chest. Spending another night with him was a bigger mistake than I realized because just the warmth of him beneath my fingertips makes me want to melt right into him. I wish I didn’t know what he felt like, what he sounded like, what he tasted like. Suddenly I want to take everything back. I want to unkiss him, unfuck him, unknow him. In the span of knowing them and being on their team, I’ve regretted it about 75% of the time but there, standing in front of him, it is a solid 110%.

I wish I had just heard them on the radio and found myself at a show, 

or met them in passing during industry events,

or maybe bumped into him in a coffee shop where he suggests his favorite latte,

or literally any other scenario that would grant me the luxury of just reaching up and kissing him without feeling confliction or guilt. 

The reality of the whole situation hits me all at once and my entire mood shifts abruptly, in a way I’ve never let happen while I work. I’m normally exceptionally skilled in the art of separating my emotions from most other things but this cuts through all of that. He lowered my walls more than anyone ever had and reached a part of me I’ve never let someone do before. I swallow hard and blink the burning in my eyes away. The last thing I need is for him to see my eyes full of tears. 

So, I do what I think makes the most sense. I yank each edge of my mouth into a tight-lipped smile and step back to hold out an overly professional hand, “Friends?” 

He nearly grimaces at the word and begrudgingly snakes his hand into mine, gripping it firmly and giving it a shake. “Whatever you want, Vallie.” He grumbles sarcastically before walking off back to the set. 

He leaves me with my hand vacant and my eyes blinking at the wall he just stood in front of. I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but I didn’t know we’d end up starting over.

The music video that Noah had fast tracked was finally finished regardless of what the others felt. It was filmed and edited by Bryan with Noah glued to his side the whole time to make sure it followed his “vision” for it perfectly. It was hyper tuned into the details and nuances Noah was looking to cultivate for the prematurely released song.

Two weeks later, I hit post on the music video with the band scattered around the rehearsing studio, celebrating with beers and laughter. I roll my eyes playfully at the happy, excited actions that ensue behind me but bite down on my lip to keep myself from smiling. While it’s not everything they or I wanted, it’s still a damn good video and I’m proud of them for it. 

All entanglements aside, it’s the first time that I’ve felt like I truly helped them achieve something great. Their growth and publicity had been steady but incredibly slow despite all of my best efforts. Their initial boom from the band going viral months ago plateaued. I’ve been chalking it up to the lack of content, but the faint fear of chronic stagnation has been creeping up my ribs every so often. It’s something I warned them from the beginning - “Anyone can go viral, but it won’t last.” I recall telling them at the very start. “Don’t get attached to the numbers.” I told them that it burns bright for a split second then gets snuffed out by the next big thing to come along. But they didn’t listen to me, and I can see the disappointment and fear worsening in Noah’s features with each day that passes. It’s all made me wonder if there was even a place in the scene for them, or if what their label is trying to accomplish is possible. It made me question my ability to execute the task handed to me.

I posted all of the music video promotions across all forms of media and posted some of the pre-filmed short form content onto TikTok and Instagram. “Alright well, your part is done now, I’m just gonna keep working.”

I stand, beginning to gather all the papers scattered over the table. “With all the teasing I posted for the video and all the extra content we filmed, engagement has gone up by about 5%. I estimate it going up by about another 10-15% for the next couple of weeks while the music video gains traction.” I dropped the edges of the paperwork against the table a couple times to align them into a neat stack. “You’ve gained a significant amount of followers as well, at least compared to before the promo content.”

“Aw Vallie,” Bryan throws an arm around my shoulders pulling me into a side hug. “Is this your way of saying we did a good job?” 

A small smile tugs at one edge of my lips, “I’m just saying that the music video is projected to do really well.” I sink my teeth into my lip again, this time to keep from speaking but it fails. “And, I think you guys did a great job.” I rush the words out at the end.

The large grin is nearly identical across the five boys' faces, each one unique in their features, but the glow of finally birthing a new project is potent in all their smiles.

As they mingle about, I return my focus to my screen and sit back down. Likes and comments begin to pour in, faster than expected. The promo posts over the past couple weeks built up a significant amount of anticipation and excitement, I just didn’t expect it to gain momentum so fast. Compared to other clients, this engagement is nothing, a couple hundred comments within the first 30 minutes, but for them, it’s huge. I decide to keep it to myself for now to not get their hopes up too high since the numbers could plateau quickly. 

But before I exit completely, my eyes catch a couple comments that churn my stomach unexpectedly.

nobody told me the singer was so hot !!

damn he’s fine as fuck

oh my god Noah is so !!!!

the whole band is fine wtf 

god that bassist is sooo sexy

My eyes narrow and my teeth involuntarily clench at the last comment. A dull ache throbs in my chest at the words, a feeling I’m not quite sure I’ve ever experienced before. 

My plan to leverage their looks was working. This is exactly what I wanted, what I held meetings for, what I fought for, what I was hired for - so why does it suddenly feel like a loss?

I glance at Nicholas, who’s joking with the others, his face lit up with a carefree smile. My heart aches but, this is exactly what I wanted for him. For them. Yet, the jealousy gnaws at me, sharp and unrelenting. I want to be happy for them, I should be happy for them. But each comment feels like a tiny dagger, reminding me of what I’ve deprived myself of.

I exhale and close the lid to my laptop. I tap along the table just trying to shake my head from whatever confusion is clouding it. I just need to get out.

The group talks amongst themselves as they celebrate, and I inevitably fade into the background. I start gathering all my belongings to throw into my tote bag to hopefully make a quiet exit.

“You liked the music video?” A voice startles me from across the round table. 

I look up to find Noah. I quickly glance to the red solo cup he’s holding carefully in his hand. It makes me wonder what’s in it and if it will lead to the same aftermath I've seen before with a drunken Noah. It’s only when I look around that I realize that each of them has a drink in hand and they’ve put music on. 

“Yeah.” I shrug, “I think you guys did good.” 

“We, you mean.” He corrects.

“We?” 

“Yeah. You helped pick out the outfits and did all the promo stuff, did you not?” He raises a brow. 

“Yeah? I guess I did.” 

Noah rests his arm on a nearby high-top table, taking a sip of his drink. “We made a deal, you and I a while ago, do you remember it?” He questions.

I silently filter through our meetings in my mind. While working together we’ve made many deals, but I land on the one I know he’s talking about and a smile creeps across my lips. “‘I’ll do my job well, if you do yours.’” 

An unexpected wide grin pulls at his mouth, “Well, I think we both did our jobs well here.” 

He was right, we did. Looking back at the meeting just a few months ago seems so juvenile now. Noah was so angry about me being brought on to the crew and while I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily thrilled that I’m here now, I can tell that I’ve grown on him. I proved myself to him, at least a little bit. 

“Yeah, we did.” I nod with a genuine smile, “Proud of us.” 

He wrapped an arm around me and gave me a squeeze, smiling down at me. “Me too.”

I leaned into him and caught a glimpse of Nicholas watching us both. The look on his face was flat and filled with an unreadable expression. 

My eyes flicker down immediately to avoid him then pull away from Noah’s grasp. He then goes on to ramble about music and the album, I’m not quite sure why he’s over here talking to me and not to the rest of them but, here I am. His words fade into the background as I look past him to spot Nick again. This time he’s caught up in some excited conversation between Brian and Folio. His wide smile meets his eyes filling them with such happiness as he laughs. His tattooed fingers interrupt the condensation on a beer bottle and his hair is gathered up into a low bun. He looks breathtaking and it suddenly fills me with a sadness I don’t think I’ll be able to beat here. 

I’ll never have the opportunity to be with him at a party like this, or out to dinner or have a normal, run-of-the-mill relationship. There’s a bit of heartbreak in watching him ensue in an interaction we may never have now that I’ve ruined everything.

But I ruined it for a reason, my brain reminds me.

I catch Nicholas’s eye. His smile falters, and for a moment, I think he senses my unease. I quickly look away, swallowing the lump in my throat.

The ache that makes home in my ribcage does not care for reason; its only concern is pain. It suddenly becomes unbearable, and I need to leave, now. I need to go home, I need to fucking get of out here.

 “I’m sorry, Noah but I have to go.” I hurriedly throw my bag over my shoulder and snatch my keys.

“What? Why? Is everything okay?” Noah asks, concerned.

“Yeah, I just… I need to go,” I say, my voice wavering as I avoid his gaze. “I have an important meeting I have to be home for.” My hand tightens around my keys so hard that the jagged edges dig into the flesh of my palm.

I stand up, the room spinning slightly as I do, despite not having anything to drink. I head for the door, each step feeling heavier than the last. I can feel Nicholas’s eyes on me, but I don’t dare look back.

Pushing through the front door, I take a deep breath of the cool night air, but it does little to calm the storm inside me. I walk quickly to my rental car, fumbling with the keys as tears blur my vision. Finally, I manage to unlock the door and slide into the driver’s seat. 

As I drive home, the tears flow like rivers down my cheeks. The ache in my chest is relentless, a constant reminder of what I’ve given up and the lies I’ve told. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. But the pain doesn’t care about reason or decisions. It only knows how to hurt.

I don’t stop driving until I reach my Airbnb. I stumble inside, dropping my bag on the floor and collapsing onto the couch. The tears flow freely now as I sink into the furniture, wishing things could be different but knowing they’ll never be. As much as I’d like to, I can’t undo my decision nor change the reasons behind it. As long as I work for them, Nick and I can never be anything more than just friends. Maybe in another life, there’s a him and I that work, but it’s not this one.

It doesn’t matter how much it hurts seeing him at events, or getting comments in videos, or even just being around him. He’s not mine and he can’t be. I’m not what he wants anyway, his career is just taking off the last thing he needs is to be entangled with someone who wants more than just sex. Is that even what I want? I barely even have time to fucking cry in the car, how would I balance a relationship?

Mourning the loss of what could’ve been is hard, but an inevitable breakup would be worse. However, just because I chose the lesser of two evils doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I glance at the time on my watch and scramble when I realize I’m late for my meeting. Unfortunately, I didn’t lie to Noah about that.

Flipping open my laptop, I’m right on time when the zoom call rushes in. I wipe the remnants of my tears and allow myself one more sniffle before answering.

The bright, shining faces of my original clients light up the screen. With drinks and cigars in hand, they greet me with their usual exuberance. They’re getting one last party in before they leave for tour soon. It’s the first tour I haven’t joined them on since working for them. The realization that I’m not going with them mingled with the feelings I just ran away from only worsens the pain in my torso. There’s nothing more I wish to do than to just run off with them to Europe and forget all about this mess with Nick. But I have too much on my plate to be touring with them right now, so I’m working remotely for them temporarily.

Their naturally cheery demeanors lift my spirits, and while it is still a work call, they always seem to make work fun. It makes me wish even more that I was going with them. Working for them has always been easy and enjoyable. The stark contrast between them and Omens is jarring. While we do have a longer history, Greta has always felt comforting, uplifting and loving – like family. I always feel valued and appreciated, and I never have to question my belonging with them.

Omens, on the other hand, has been nothing but complicated, painful, and uncomfortable. Instead of feeling like I’m part of something, I often feel like I’m navigating through a minefield between Noah’s volatility and Nick’s complexity. It’s hard to feel motivated when the environment is so hostile, and it leaves me questioning my place and purpose. Up until recently that is – things seem to be looking up now that Noah and I are getting along.

Comparing the two bands makes me long for the simplicity and warmth of Greta even more. The comfort and camaraderie I immediately feel when answering the zoom only highlights the cold, challenging reality of working with Omens. It’s a reminder of what I’m lacking and a painful acknowledgment of the complication of my current situation. The situation I put myself in.

Yet, Noah’s words ring in my ears, “We did our jobs well.” Perhaps it’s not as bleak as it once was. The memory of our truce plants a seed of hope in my chest. Maybe Bryan was right, that they just need time to come around.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” The bassist, Sam, jokes, pulling me out of my thoughts. The bright white of my screen flashing on my pale face in the darkness of my living room can’t be doing me any favors.

“You need a drink, Val?” Jake, the other long-haired guitarist asks, raising an enticing drink in a short glass.

“Maybe a smoke? You are in California after all.” The shaggy-haired singer, Josh, teases.

I force a smile and shake my head. “I would kill for both of those right now. Just a fucking exhausting day.”

“I know, our girl’s makin’ it big, taking on new bands, new quests.” Jake states in a dramatic, faux-English accent. “On to new horizons.” His arm splays out theatrically to a non-existent skyline.

“Leavin’ us behind!” Sam adds loudly in a whiny tone as he takes a sip of his cocktail.

The last words shoving a sword into my gut. Maybe Nick isn’t the only loss I’m mourning. Working for Greta has consumed my entire life for years, they’re the closest thing to family I’ve got. Perhaps not being engulfed in them constantly has left me lonely.

I roll my eyes lightheartedly and shake my head, “I could never leave you guys, you know that.” Clearing my throat, I change the subject. “How are you guys feeling about the tour?”

Their excitement is infectious, and I find myself relaxing a bit as they talk about their plans and the cities they’ll visit. For a moment, I forget about Nick and the tangled mess of emotions he brings.

“Hey, Val!” Josh shouts, raising a glass snapping me out of my haze. “We’re going to miss you on this one!”

“Yeah, it won’t be the same without you,” The quiet drummer, Danny, chimes in.

I force a smile, trying to push the sadness aside. “I’ll miss you guys too. But I’ll be there in spirit, and we’ll keep in touch. You know I’ll be checking in every day.”

They laugh and raise their glasses in a toast, their contagious energy making it a little easier to breathe.

The boys filter out, saying their goodbyes to entertain the other guests at their party.

“Yeah, I’ll catch up to you guys later. I have to ask Vallie about something.” Sam waves the boys away.

He turns in his chair to face me, a look of concern washed over his face as he tucks a chunk of long hair behind his ear. “Are you okay? You seem a bit off?” He asks softly.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. "I'm fine, Sammy. Just a lot going on."

He looks at me for a long moment, his puppy-dog eyes filled with understanding. "You know you can talk to me, right? If you ever need anything. We're all going to miss you on this tour, but we understand why you can't come."

I nod, "I know. Thanks, Sam," I reply, with a tight smile. "I appreciate it."

Under other circumstances, I would maybe try to talk to them but they’re so excited for Europe, I can’t possibly weigh them down with anything serious.

He gives me a reassuring smile. "Take care of yourself, okay? And if you need to vent or anything, just call. We're all here for you, we love you a lot."

"Thanks," I say again, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I will. I love you guys too."

With one last nod, Sam ends the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts and letting reality crash back in. I close my laptop and lean back in my seat, staring at the other side of the vacant couch. The room feels emptier than before, the silence more suffocating. I can’t shake the feeling of being left behind, both professionally and personally.

I set my laptop on the coffee table and pull a blanket over my body in hopes that it would help me disappear. I curl up in the corner of the couch with my knees up to my chest. I haven’t felt heartache like this since high school and it’s over something that was never even serious. My mind keeps drifting back to Nick, to the hurt and anger in his eyes when I pushed him away. I know it was the right decision, but the pain is parasitic in a way I was never prepared for.

I blink at the blank wall in front of me. I’m not home, I’m not with friends or anyone I know. I work for a band that half hates me most days, I fell for a boy I can’t have and I’m staying in a pay-by-weekly Airbnb. I’m alone in a city I hate, in a home that’s not my own with people who barely like me. That’s when I realize that perhaps heartache isn’t the only pain that sits heavy in my heart – it’s also the weight of loneliness that’s been consuming me, rotting me from the inside out.

Only when I acknowledge the seclusion is when it wraps around me like a suffocating shroud, seeping into my very core and eroding my sense of self.

I close my eyes and let out a long, shaky sigh, trying to steady my racing thoughts. I have to keep moving forward, despite the overwhelming difficulty and the sadness in my bones. There’s a faint flicker of hope buried somewhere beneath the despair, a small, stubborn, workaholic part of me that refuses to give up. For now, I hold on to that glimmer, however faint, and vow to take things one step at a time.

This was the 4th rehearsal in a row that I’ve attended this week, and while it never gets old watching their sets, the content becomes repetitive. So, while the boys are playing and Bryan snaps shots of them, I scroll through Zillow.

I don’t even notice that they’re done until Nicholas is beside me cracking a water bottle open. “What’re you lookin’ at?” He asks. Slowly but surely, we’ve been making our way back up to being friendly, despite the break down I had weeks ago after the music video launch. If I just focus on the work, I can almost stifle down our history. Almost.

“Oh shit, you scared me.” I chuckle but it soon fades with the frustration that’s built up over the past couple days. “Augh, I have to find an apartment or something because this Airbnb is getting so expensive. My other client’s tour just started, and I just took on another band, so I’m stuck here for a while. But I can’t fucking find an apartment building that doesn’t have a waitlist before next fall.”

“Shit sucks around here.” Chimes in Jolly from the corner taking a sip of his Gatorade.

“Here let me see.” Nick swivels my laptop towards him before I have a chance to stop him. He holds his tongue between his lips with his brows furrowed, like he’s focused on some super spy mission. He scrolls for a while, adds some filters, scrolls, takes more filters out, then turns the laptop back to me. “Ta da!” He smiles his signature grin and it’s nice to see it in my direction again.

“Whoa, how the fuck did you find that!” My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I scroll through the listing, it having almost everything I was looking for. “Oh my god, they’re doing a showing for a perfect place right now, I gotta go.” I hastily begin packing my things up, haphazardly throwing all my scattered belongings into my tote.

“Whoa whoa,” Halts Jolly, “You’re not going alone.”

I furrow my brows at him, confused, “What do you mean?”

“Listen, do you know how unsafe it is for a woman to go to realty showings alone?” His voice is so filled with genuine concern and a splash of paranoia.

“You need to stop watching so much true crime dude.” Folio rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, he���s obsessed.” Bryan adds with a pointed thumb towards the long-haired man. 

I blink up at Jolly who’s face is dead serious. “We’re coming with you.”

I normally wouldn’t let men tell me what to do or how to do it, but maybe Jolly is right. Men are dangerous especially around here and I have also heard horror stories about women going to check out a house and it turning out to be a sketchy place with an equally creepy man.

“Okay.” I nod. “Fine.”

Looking over the four of them, I realize that Noah had already disappeared. He’s been cutting out immediately after each rehearsal, so I think nothing of it.

“I got nothing better to do.” Shrugs Nicholas. I don’t look too much at him because if I did, I would notice the strain behind his eyes - one that looks both pained and conflicted. 

Arriving at the open house, I walk around the small loft, letting my fingers trail over the cracked railing of the stairs. The apartment is smaller, dingier and dustier than advertised. When I make it upstairs, the 4 are up there already. I catch them looking unimpressed, almost disgusted at the place but immediately feign impression for my sake.

“It’s…pretty nice, Vallie.” Says Folio, with a forced smile.

“Oh, spare me, it’s a dump.” I sigh, defeated. “The asking price is like double with all the fees and shit. It’s ridiculous.” I rub two fingers into my temple. “I don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do.”

There’s a bit of silence filled with pitiful faces from the group. Nicholas’ eyes look focused but lost in thought. Before any of them could speak, Bryan perks up. 

“My old room in the house is empty since I moved out last year. Why doesn’t she just move in with you guys?” He suggests as if it’s the most obvious answer. 

My mouth nearly falls open at the insane suggestion. The trio’s focus snaps to him with the most shocked and betrayed looks on their faces, brows raised and jaws open. 

“What?” I ask for clarification, because he couldn’t possibly be serious.

Bryan ignores their reactions. “Exactly what I said. It just makes sense? You’re with them all the time.”

“I uh-“ I falter, somewhat overwhelmed with the four of them looking at me. “I mean, it really seems like that’s a group decision…”

“I’m cool with it.” Folio surprisingly speaks up first, “We do have the spare room and we could use the extra rent money. You take a lot of Ubers to get to us anyway, so.”

For once Folio seemed to be cooperative, nice even. Maybe they are warming up to me afterall.

Jolly sighs heavily, “They have good points. It would be convenient but… Noah’s not going to be happy.”

Anxiety wins over the excitement dying to bloom in my stomach as I look over and meet Nick’s gaze. His eyes contain the same pained and confused look as before. He’s conflicted.

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck about what Noah wants. He’s outnumbered 4-1.” Nick snaps. “She needs a place, and we have one.”

I tug at my lip and contemplate my options. This would be the easiest and cheapest path. “Okay fine. Just for now. I’m gonna keep looking so I don’t overstay my welcome.” I meet eyes with each one sternly. “Thank you.”

I’m grateful for the offer but I can’t help but be nervous about being so close to Nicholas all of the time. The room I’d be staying in is the empty room between Noah and Nicholas’ rooms. I’d be between the two I would least like to be around. I contemplate backing out for a brief moment but quickly remember how much the Airbnb is costing me weekly. As much as I value my independence and solitude, it’s just not worth the cost and isn’t sustainable. The last thing I ever want to do is live with them, but it seems to be the only good option right now.

A week later, the boys help carry the last of my boxes up the stairs while I warn them about how if they break anything they’ll be paying for it.

Nick, Jolly, and Folio are all out of breath as they set down my boxes.

“Jesus, how do you have so many boxes of stuff from that tiny Airbnb?” Folio asks, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

I shrug, “I had some of my stuff from home shipped out to me, since I’m staying in Cali longer than I expected.”

Jolly and Folio filter out leaving me alone with Nicholas. I’m immediately on my toes around him. Just being in the house with him is difficult. The only other two times I’ve been here, we’ve slept together - once on the couch downstairs and another in the room beside us now. It’s hard not thinking about having him that way again with those reminders all around me. The memories pack a punch not just in my core but in my heart as well. We’ve just started to get back to normal after our little falling out. But what even is back to normal with us? Were we ever really normal?

“Do you need help unpacking?” He asks though it doesn’t seem forced or ingenuine.

I ponder the offer as I shift on my feet but ultimately shake my head. “Not now. I don’t know if I’m going to fully unpack yet, since I’m still looking for another place.”

He nods, seeming somewhat unhappy about my response. “Okay well, if you need help with anything, let me know.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” I scratch my arm anxiously and pause before I speak again. “I feel bad… I know Noah’s unhappy because I’m here.”

Nicholas sucks in a breath. “Yeah, he’s not happy. But I don’t really know what else to say to him. Maybe you should talk to him.”

I let out a laugh. “Yeah fucking right. I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to talk to right now.”

“You never know. It might help.” He steps towards the door to leave. “I think we’re gonna order Chinese for dinner. You cool with that?”

I nod and he reciprocates before leaving the room downstairs. 

I take a deep breath and shake out the nerves from my hands as I walk to Noah’s door. I give it a knock and wait for a response.

“Come in.” He calls and I peek through the cracked door.

He rolls his eyes and glares at me. “Great, it’s you.”

“You know you don’t have to be like that.” I say calmly while I push the door open more and lean against the door frame.

He doesn’t even look at me and keeps his eyes on the TV across from his bed where he lays. His hands are diligently working on a gaming controller. I can’t help but notice how his long-tattooed fingers rapidly and strategically click on the buttons. Something about it creates a slight buzz between my legs.

“You just invited yourself into my home. I think I have some right to talk to you any way I want to.” He retorts.

“I didn’t invite myself; I was invited. By your bandmates, your best friends. But you know that already. You’re just being an asshole.”

“Again, this is my house. I can be an asshole in my house if I want to. This is what you signed up for. But you know that already.” He mocks me with my own words.

I try my best to keep my bubbling anger from spilling. We had been doing so well since the thrift store, but it seems that we’re back to square one all over again.

“I’m not trying to be here forever, alright? This is temporary. Like I want to be here any more than you want me to be. Believe it or not, this isn’t exactly a walk in the park for me either.” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. “I’m just trying to make the best of it while I’m here, okay? Can we agree to just be civil?”

He glares at me, but I know he knows that I’m right. “No promises.”

As I look around my new room, I suddenly feel closed in by the towers of boxes that surround me. I should’ve waited until after I signed some sort of apartment lease before having some of my stuff shipped from New York. I was just homesick for a place of my own again, that I wanted my belongings outside of what fits inside a couple carry-on suitcases. I’ve been living out of suitcases for longer than I’ve ever wanted and so maybe unpacking some of my clothes and things wouldn’t hurt much. Afterall, I could always just repack them. When I stand and find that some of the towers are even taller than me, I recognize that I might need help afterall. 

I find myself in front of Nick’s door and a nervous feeling swirls in my stomach that I try to ignore. 

This is a bad idea, I think to myself.

But it’s too late. My knuckles have already met the door. 

After a couple moments, Nick opens the door with a gaming headset pulled off his ear and a controller in his hand. It’s clear by the way his eyebrows drop that he was expecting anyone but me. The look is enough to make me back out of my own decision. 

“Oh, sorry to bother you, you’re obviously busy, nevermind!” I ramble quickly in a way I rarely do - but I rarely feel the way I do with him. Mid-turn to get back to my room he unexpectedly grasps my wrist, not hard but not soft either, enough to keep me in place. 

“What’s up?” He asks and I can’t tell if he’s annoyed or genuinely curious. 

“Oh, um, well, you see,” 

Fucking get it together 

“I was going to ask if I could take you up on your offer? To help me unpack?” I already regret the words before they leave my mouth. “But if you’re busy it’s no big deal!!” 

“I, uh, yeah. Sure. Let me just finish this round and I’ll come help.” He begins pulling his headset back on before I can fully answer.

“Oh, yeah sure. Take your time!” 

He closes his door, and I dart to my room, immediately pacing the small amount of floor I have available.

Why did I fucking do that?

“You okay?” His voice speaks from the doorway where he’s propped up against. 

I nearly jump out of my skin, not expecting him there so soon. It makes me wonder if he had just quit his game instead of finishing it like he said. 

“Oh, yeah yeah.” I wave him off. “I always get nervous with moves.” 

It was a lie. With my job, I’ve had to get used to moving often, so it doesn’t phase me any more. But with the shake in my voice, I know it wasn’t a great sell. 

“Right.” He replies skeptically, pushing himself off the frame. “What did you need help with?”

“I need that box up there.” I point to the box above my head. “And that one.” I gesture to the one right beside it at the same height. “And that one.”

He chuckles at how the boxes seem like skyscrapers to me, “Okay sure.” 

He pulls each one down with ease. 

“Anything else?” He asks. 

I sink down to the floor behind one of the large boxes. “I’m just gonna start unpacking these, if you wanna help.” I shrug up at him. 

Nick looks over at another box, grabbing something before handing it out to me. “I think you might need this.”

Blood rushes to my cheeks at the mistake, “Thank you.” I lift up and take the box cutter from him. 

I thought that would be the limit of his contribution but to my surprise, he sits down across from me. When I give him a confused look he simply jokes, “I’m really interested in what the fuck are in all these boxes.”

I bite down on my bottom lip to keep a grin from spreading across my lips. After our conversation at the music video shoot, this is the last thing I expected him to do. 

I’m still sat on the floor with half empty boxes while Nick acts as the fuel to the operation, putting things wherever I direct him. He slides a chunk of books into a bookshelf that was left behind. Books are always the first thing I like to unpack after the necessities. They're so personal and really give a space a real essence of you. I’m only unpacking my favorites to display for now since I don’t know how long my stay will be.

“You sure do have a lot of books about pirates?” He states quizzically, with an arched brow and a chuckle. 

“Oh,” I laugh, “Yeah, one of my clients really loves them for some reason.” I gesture to the books he just shelved. “I get one of those every Christmas. Those and a box of fancy cigars.”

His eyes look over the spines of the grandiose black leather books. “You’ve been with them a long time.” He observes each one, then looks over at me. “6 Christmases.” 

I blink up at him because there’s no way it’s been 6 years already. Logically, I knew I’ve accumulated a large stack of those books, but it isn’t until now that it clicks. “Wow. You’re right. I hadn’t thought about it like that.” 

“They’re lucky to have you.” He says, crouching down to get more books. “You’ve done so good for us so far, I can’t imagine what your main act gets.” 

The statement feels almost double edged, though it doesn’t seem that he intended it that way. It’s simple and meant to be flattering but it just settles a guilt in my bones. It sounds like he believes that Omens aren’t a priority, which isn’t true. 

“It’s not like that.” I scoff, handing him another set of non-pirate books.

“Oh sure, as if you don’t prioritize Harry Styles over us.” He shoots back playfully.

The Harry bit has gone so far that it makes me wonder if they truly believe it, it would be hilarious if they did. 

“You know I don’t manage him. Wish I did though.” I laugh, shaking my head. I grab another couple books and tug at my lip contemplating whether I should start some lighthearted competition. “You know… Noah guessed my ‘mystery client’.” 

A mischievous smirk blooms on my lips when Nick’s brows raise with an, “Oh did he now?” 

I nod, “Yep! Gonna have to step up your game I guess.” I shrug jokingly.

“Well, I’m either gonna have to go shake him down or,” He points to the room next door with the box cutter then looks at the mess around us. “Or I’m just gonna have to keep unpacking until I figure it out.” 

A giggle escapes me and a warmth blooms in my tummy. I hate that this is how my body reacts to him, but I quickly snuff it out. “I guess so.” 

As he continues to help me, the room overflows with laughter, and I can’t remember ever having fun unpacking. I try not to dwell on the way I feel when I look at him for too long. If I can just push aside the flutter in my chest when he crinkles his nose, or when he smiles wide and sparkles fill his eyes, or when he makes my name sound like music — if I can just move past all of that, then maybe living here won’t be so bad. Perhaps friendship with Nick wouldn’t be so difficult if it looks like this. 

The first week was awkward and uncomfortable and foreign, but the boys acclimated faster than I imagined - which, thinking about it now, made sense. They’d spent the better half of their lives being forced to live with random people for unforeseen periods of time. They just moved around me, and I moved around them, we all were on different schedules and busy doing other things better than paying attention to each other. Outside of rehearsals or meetings, I rarely saw them. The boys have an affinity for the nighttime while I’ve been operating on three different world clocks due to my other clients touring in different countries. 

I found that juggling three bands when I was barely managing two, was becoming quite taxing. I usually pride myself on my work ethic and multi-tasking skills, but it’s wearing on me in ways I’ve never experienced before. My sleep schedule is basically nonexistent, having to be awake for California, Europe, and Australia times simultaneously. I work between cat naps and run off of at least 4 cups of coffee daily. While work has been miserable, it’s definitely helped keep my mind distracted.

After a much-needed shower and a fresh set of button-down pajamas, I follow the smell of pizza downstairs. I find the boys gathered around the kitchen.

“Hey Val.” Folio smiles then falters, “You look fucking exhausted.” He shakes his head apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just - help yourself, there’s plenty. Noah can put away like three pies on his own.” He chuckles nervously, pushing past me to the living room. 

“Think of it as your belated welcome party.” Jolly says before taking a bite, leaning against the counter. 

“Thanks.” I smile but it doesn’t meet my eyes when I notice Nick remained silent and Noah’s absent.

Jolly nudges my shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen, “Noah’s picking out a movie for us, if you wanna join.” 

“Cool.” I nod, fidgeting with my fingers. As much as I’d love to protest wasting my time, all I need to do right now is sit and turn my brain off for an hour or two. 

“Can’t guarantee it’ll be any good if Noah’s picking.” He calls over his shoulder. 

“Hey!” Shouts Noah from the couch. 

The edges of my lips curl up slightly at the interaction but quickly fall. Even though it's been about a week, this is the first actual night of us all together. It’s only then that it settles in my bones the reality of the move.

I precariously pluck a slice from a half-eaten pie and plop it on a paper plate. “You uh,” I thumb over my shoulder. “Stayin’ for the movie?”

He pushes himself off the granite counter. “I was planning on it, yeah.” He peels another slice from the round and places it on his already full plate. He’s in a dark hoodie for a band I’ve never heard of with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, showing off all the beautiful ink on his arms. I try not to let my eyes linger too long on the way his fingers fold the slice in half. “You?” 

I steal a water bottle from the fridge and lean against the counter. “Yeah, if he picks a good movie.” I tease. 

He nods and makes his way out of the kitchen. 

I shake my head to wake myself up some more and meet the rest of them in the living room. My feet are the first to freeze when my eyes land on the screen. Noah chose the same indie horror movie that Nick and I had chosen the night he stayed in with me. How he managed to find and decide on the same random movie we did, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is the way my heart feels like it fell into my stomach. My hand grips the plate, and my eyes instinctively search for Nick. His gaze meets mine, the look in his eyes about matches my own before he hardens it. His jaw clenches and he focuses back on finding his place on the couch. 

When I finally make my way over, I find there’s only one seat left between Noah and Nicholas. I take a silent but deep inhale before squeezing between them. The close proximity to Nicholas sends a familiar, anxious thrill through me, but I push it aside, trying to focus on the moment. We’re friends now. Colleagues. I have to keep reminding myself of that. We’ve only ever been colleagues.

“Alright, everyone shut up.” Noah waves a lanky arm around with the remote clutched in his hand. “Movie time!” 

Folio reaches up and flips the lights off to cast an eerie darkness across the room, perfect for the mood of the movie. As the opening credits roll, my heart drops sharply and makes the idea of the pizza on my plate nauseating. The memory hits me like a wave, threatening to pull me under. I can see it so clearly in my head - us sharing two different kinds of chips, Doritos and Cheetos. I can hear the storm that raged that night, the one that kept him from leaving. I remember vividly the conversation we had about having that team-building party. I can hear him promising that the boys would come around. I blink quickly to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks. The last thing I need is to cry in front of them. 

Noah nudges me with his elbow. “You okay? You look a little pale.” He asks with a smirk, teasing me as if I was already scared fifteen minutes into the movie. In the corner of my eye, I can see Nick glance over at us, trying to disguise the fact he’s obviously eavesdropping. 

“Yeah, just... tired.” I half-lie, giving him a weak smile while keeping my eyes on the tv.

“Sure, scaredy cat.” He laughs, returning his focus to the screen.

The movie continues, and I’m transported back to that rainy night. I wasn’t nervous that entire night until we were sitting criss-crossed next to each other watching this specific scene before the first jumpscare. The flutter of nerves didn’t find home in my belly until we both jolted at the perfectly timed jumpscare and our knees ended up pressed together for the rest of the night. I remember the way his hand brushed against mine, the way we laughed and screamed at all the right moments. Sitting here now, with him so close yet so far, is torture. 

As the film progresses, I can’t help but notice Nicholas shifting slightly in his seat. His arm brushes against mine, sending a jolt of electricity through me. I hope no one else notices my reaction. It’s jumpy and juvenile, the way we both try our best not to have any part of our body touching for too long. 

Halfway through the movie, a particularly frightening scene makes everyone scream and laugh at each other’s fear. Nicholas turns to me, and for a brief moment, our eyes meet. There’s a flicker of something in his gaze, something that tells me he remembers too. But then he looks away, and the moment vanishes.

The rest of the movie is a blur. I’m too focused on the memories, the emotions, and the painful reality that the past is just that—the past. When the credits finally roll, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and everything is suffocating and tight. 

Folio reaches up from his seat in the recliner and flicks the light back on. “Jesus fucking christ, Noah.”

“What the fuck.” Echoes Jolly.

Noah grins widely, obviously proud of his peculiar choice. “You’re welcome.” 

“It was great.” I rush the words out and quickly push myself off the couch. “I need to get some air. Excuse me.”

A cackle erupts from Noah, “Musta scared the shit out of her.” 

As I speed to the front door, I hear someone smack him with a pillow and Nick’s voice telling him not to be an ass.

I nearly burst through the front door and find salvation in gripping the porch railing. For a moment I question if I might actually get ill. Never in my adult life have I ever felt such visceral agony over another human being, nonetheless a man. The cool night air brings a welcome relief and finally I feel like I can suck in a full breath.

I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear the door open behind me and my heart races when Nick appears in my peripheral. Fuck. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” I reply, my voice almost trembling.

He pulls something from his pocket, flipping the top open and holding out a box of Newports to me. “Want one?” 

I sigh, contemplating it even though I haven't touched a cigarette since college, but god do I need it now. “Thanks.” I pluck a cig from the box and place it between my lips. I cup the end from the wind while he flicks the lighter for me. The second it’s sizzling and lit I take a much-needed deep inhale, letting the nicotine fill every gap in my lungs giving me a split second of reprieve. 

I close my eyes as I exhale, hoping the smoke would take the pain that sits in my chest. For a moment, we stand there in silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging between us. The sounds of the night filled the quiet, frogs croaking and far off traffic from the city. 

He steps closer, close enough that I can feel his warmth and the smoke of his cigarette. “I remember that night, you know.”

I pause, swallowing hard. “Me too.”

The ache in my chest is palpable, like it sits between each individual rib. I feel it in my bones, in my veins, in my fucking marrow. 

When I made the decision to distance myself, to hurt him, I thought it was the best decision for us all. I had no idea it would hurt this bad. It hardly seems like a good idea now. 

Every part of my body tenses up like a muscle throbbing in pain. My index and middle fingers involuntarily squish the cigarette, and my fists tighten. I have no reason to feel this way, I did this. 

“Val,” he says, his voice breaking through my turmoil. “We never really… talked.”

I bite my lip hard, the cigarette trembling between my fingers. “What’s there to talk about, Nick?” I can’t bear to look up at him. 

“Us, Vallie.” He says more sternly this time, turning to me fully. “You just shut me out. And I got upset so I walked away, but we didn’t talk about it.” 

Of course, the only man I fall for is the one that actually wants to talk about his feelings. 

“We made a choice, Nick.” I grind my teeth to ward off tears, keeping my gaze focused on a far off tree. 

He shakes his head, stepping even closer. “No, you made a choice. And I went along with it because I thought it was what you wanted. But standing here now like this… I can’t help but wonder if you made a mistake.”

I close my eyes and exhale. All I want to do is give in to him, tell him he’s right, that I did make a mistake. But my reasoning and logic remains the same. 

The words hang in the air, heavier than the smoke around us. I don’t dare look up at him, tears blurring my vision. “Maybe I did. But we can’t. And I told you,” I pause, giving myself one final second to rethink my decision. “I’m seeing someone.”

He snuffs his cigarette out on the wood railing then grasps my shoulder harshly, turning my body to face him. “If you’re going to lie to me, at least do it to my face.”

I drop my own cigarette from the sudden action, and he quickly stomps it out for me. My eyes widen at his words and his shift in demeanor. I blink up at him and shake my head. “I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are.” He takes a step forward causing me to step backwards, closing me into the porch railing. His hand finds my jaw holding it firmly in place, analyzing me with furrowed brows. It runs an ice-cold shiver down my spine. “I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice.”

My chest rises and falls rapidly. “I am, seeing someone Nick. I’m happy.” I lie through my teeth even though it’s useless. 

“No, you’re not, Vallie.” His words are sharp and intentional. “Look at you.” He gestures over my body. “You’re shaking through a cigarette just because you’re standing next to me.” 

“God.” A tear slips down my cheek and I try to take a breath, but I feel even more suffocated than before. “Fuck, Nick.” I harshly push him away. I look between us and still for a moment before tears prickle my eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t fucking do this.”

I rush past him, through the front door, and don’t stop running until I close my bedroom door behind me. I slump against it, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor. The weight of everything crashes down on me, and I bury my face in my hands.

“FUCK,” I scream, the sound muffled by my palms to not be heard by anyone else. The tears come hard and fast, my shoulders shaking with each sob. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, so exposed. The pain is unbearable, and all I can do is cry.

Thankfully the boys had already gone to bed the night of me and Nick’s fight, so we didn’t have to answer any uncomfortable questions. I cried, got it out of my system, and isolated the emotions into a little folder I tucked into my heart, just as I did the last time. Although, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t getting more and more difficult. Two weeks later, I’m still avoiding Nick, but I don’t act like a scrambling mouse any time he enters the room. Tensions have calmed down and it’s impressive how much can be hidden behind a mask. 

Today, I’m tearing the kitchen apart looking for a measuring cup, how they’ve made it this far without a measuring cup, I have no idea. 

As I’m bent over into a lower cabinet, I spot Nicholas in my peripheral. Obviously, he’s the one I’d been avoiding the most but the feeling was mutual, us rarely interacting with each other after movie night. We barely spoke to each other during meetings and avoided each other around the house. 

“Looking for something?” He asks with a bit of condescension in his tone. 

The comment immediately irritates me as I’d been hungrily searching for this goddamn utensil for the past half hour and all I fucking want are pancakes on my day off. I bite my tongue in order to not snap at him and back out of the cabinet, standing up. “Would you happen to know where a girl could find a goddamn measuring cup around here?” My irritated tone greatly outweighed Nick’s more subtle one.

His brows raised, shocked that I’d even speak that way, nonetheless to him. His brows didn’t stay up though, they fell rather quickly into thick, straight lines. The way his face turned cold so quickly made me shiver with a fear crawling up my back. “I know you’re not speaking to me that way in my own house.” 

Immediately, I want to rival it but try my best to stifle it down. However, the feeling was too strong. “I know you aren’t talking to me like that, period.” Crossing my arms over my chest and raising a brow at him. 

He steps towards me, “With work? Sure, I can play nice. Outside of work? I can talk to you however I want.” 

My brows furrow at his sudden hostility. Even though we’d been avoiding each other, things have been calm and professional. He’s never spoken to me like this before and while I’m used to dealing with intimidating industry men on my own, the darkness in his tone has my heart thumping in fear. For the sake of my self-respect, I square my shoulders and straighten my back. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that.” 

“Or what?” He provokes, stepping even closer to me. “You work for us, remember? You’re nothing more than a glorified assistant.” 

My jaw practically drops to the floor and red-hot anger rushes through my veins. I hear the smack first, ringing through the kitchen before I feel the static-y stinging in my palm. I gasp and bring my hands to my mouth while I watch him quickly reach for his reddening cheek. I instinctively want to apologize but, he deserved it. 

When his eyes return to mine, they’re the darkest gray I’ve ever seen them and the fearful thumping in my chest returns. He steps forward, backing me into the corner of the cabinets and the air in my lungs vacates when I look up to find his eyes burning holes in my body. My eyes widen at the sudden, unexpected action. “Nick.” I tremble out in the space between us. 

“You think you can just move in and run shit.” He taunts, his voice low and gravelly. “Haven’t even been in the house a month and you’re already acting up.” 

The fight or flight response in my body begs me to cry, to apologize and shove him away but the burning lava in my bloodstream demands otherwise. I clench my jaw matching the intensity of his stare. “I’m an adult Nicholas, I can do whatever the fuck I want in the home I pay to live in.” 

His hands land on the granite countertop at each side of my hips. “You have one hell of a fucking attitude today.”

The energy shifts into something slightly less aggressive and more sensual. As much as it should disgust me after all the shit he just pulled, it has my thighs pressing together. 

I cock my head at him, and in a tone that borders on innocent, I challenge him, “Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” 

His hand goes to touch my hip but stops short, stopping himself. We both know the lie I told him, but it seems like he might’ve actually believed it afterall. He lowered to just below my ear. “If I could, I’d make sure the only thing coming out of that bratty little mouth of yours are those pretty noises you make.” He whispers, his voice low and raspy.

His words went straight to my core, filling it with rampant buzzing. The war in my head waged between keeping up with my plan versus just giving into him like I always seem to do. However, it seemed as though the wetness pooling between my legs was winning.

I must’ve taken too long for him, long enough to crack his resolve just a bit. He pressed his forehead against mine, forcing my focus up to him. The look in his eyes had switched to something softer than before, if I didn’t know better, I’d say there was a hint of sadness in his crystal grey eyes. “Can I touch you?” He asks barely above a whisper and when I don’t answer immediately, he begs again. “I need to touch you, Val.” His voice carried what sounded like a deep desperation, and it all yanked at my heart - but guilt was a beast for a different time. 

Truth is, that I feel the same desperation as he does. I nod quickly against him, “Touch me.” I cave into him, like I always do. “Touch me, touch me, touch me.” I repeat softly before his lips clash into mine and his hands finally meet my hips, immediately pulling me onto the counter. As soon as the coolness of the granite meets my thighs, my eyes round at the realization that we’re in the kitchen. I pull away before he has a chance to deepen the kiss, “The others.” I breathe out urgently with wide eyes down at him.

He shakes his head quickly, “They’re out of the city for the day.” 

It could’ve been a bold face lie, but that’s all the reassurance I need to proceed on our poor decision. His tongue swipes across my bottom lip and I oblige faster than I’d like to admit. Our tongues find each other and begin to entwine themselves. He grasps my hips and pulls me to the edge of the counter to press himself against me. I can’t help but let out a tiny moan into his mouth at the feeling of his covered erection pressing into my clothed center. 

His hands trail up my sides to cup my cheeks before parting from me, “You feel what you do to me?” Soft but needy pants through parted lips fall on my own.

My heaving chest and my pathetic excuse for a nod was enough for him to rejoin our lips. I wrap my arms around his neck tugging him even closer. Our tongues fight for dominance but he’s winning, and his thumbs dig into my hip bones in an almost painful way, as if he’s scared I’ll vanish from his grasp. 

My fingers find their way into his hair that’s wrapped up in a loose bun and dig my nails into the roots, letting out a small sigh against his lips. He tastes like cigarettes and coffee in the best way.

I pull away for a moment and let my focus move from his lips back up to his eyes. My hands glide over the waistband of his jeans, dipping two fingers behind the zipper and pulling it towards my body. “I thought you had a lesson to teach me?”

A groan rumbles in the back of his throat as he processes my words. His fingers snap to my thighs, digging harshly into the flesh before spreading them apart as far as they’d allow. Warmth tinted my cheeks at the action, feeling exposed. I’m still clothed but now it’s just the thin fabric of my panties keeping the most intimate part of me covered. It’s not like it’s anything he hasn’t seen before, but it still feels vulnerable. 

“Tell me, what lesson do you think you need to learn?” He asks me while his fingertips urge my lower back to move further to the edge of the counter. 

“Hmm,” I feign thinking hard about the answer. “I think that you think it should be my mouth, but I don’t think that.”

“Oh, no?” He questions, “Is there anything you do that makes you think you deserve a lesson?”

“Nope.” I reply with cheery innocence. 

“That’s interesting, because you’re massively overdue for one.” He tugs my legs so close to him it almost pulls me off the counter. 

He leans down and presses a kiss just below my ear, then trails it down my neck. My heart beats so fast against my ribcage I fear it could burst. 

While his hands roam and grope anywhere they land, he’s buried in my neck sucking marks into it. “I’ve missed you.” He admits, mumbling against my skin and makes my heart rate skip a beat or two. 

I tilt my head back and scrunch my eyes closed. We shouldn’t be doing this in the first place, nonetheless, saying these sorts of things to each other, but it seems neither of us care enough to remember why. 

I tangle my fingers in his hair, giving it a gentle tug and nudging my head against his. “I’ve missed you too, Nicky.” 

He pauses the same way I did but this time he moves back up to rejoin our lips. 

There’s a couple words that linger in the back of my throat - words I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell him. Words that I’m not sure make sense for us or if they’re just the chemicals rushing through me. But I want to say them, and I’m scared that if I go to say anything at all they might tumble out. 

His hands find and tug at my shirt which I quickly pull away and discard it across the room. I take the opportunity to do the same with him. I catch the hem of his shirt, and he stills. I realize in the two times we’ve slept together, I’ve never seen him shirtless. That combined with the way he hesitated when I went to pull it off makes me think he might be uncomfortable. “May I?” 

He hesitates but nods and lets me be the one to pull it off him. He’s tattooed all over his chest just as he is on his arms, and it makes me want to go exploring all over his body. Our lips reunite and our tongues reconnect before I get a chance to compliment his appearance. I work quickly at undoing his jeans while he struggles to pull down my skirt.

Finally, bare to each other, he pulls me taut against him to make sure I can feel just how much he’s missed me. He nestles his thick shaft between my folds, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t missed that part of him too. I let a small whine slip into our kiss at the feeling of him throbbing against my clit. 

He disconnects from me only to press his forehead against mine, “I need to be inside you.” There’s a greater feeling behind his claim, more akin to ‘I need to be as close to you as possible’.

“I need you, please.” I reply, sounding more desperate than I would’ve liked. 

Now, not my brightest moment, letting him push his way inside me without more prep when I haven’t had him in so long. The stretch his girth brings is a delicious but brutal burn. He takes mercy on me by taking it slow and I feel every thick inch of him until he bottoms out, nuzzling the tip of his cock into my cervix.

“Fuck.” I breathe out, resting my head back on the cabinet. 

While it’s painful, it feels just like puzzle pieces reuniting, like he was made for me. He fills me completely, leaving no empty space.

He only stays stagnant for a short bit of time before he begins rutting into me. I remember how good he feels once adjusted to him. His head is tucked into the other side of my neck, littering it with more marks. He lets small grunts and groans tumble into my neck as he drills into me. With every thrust, his cock hits the bundle of nerves deep within my core and makes my skin burn. “God, you take me so fucking good.” He mutters beneath my ear and it makes me grip onto him tighter.

He detaches from my neck and unexpectedly places both hands on my cheeks, directing my gaze onto him. His hips slow but don’t halt as he forces me to focus on his stormy eyes. 

“Tell me it was a lie.” He demands, with a slight melancholic undertone.

I tilt my head a bit at the request, unsure of what he was referring to or why he’s bringing it up now. “What?”

“I know you lied to me, tell me it was a lie.” He pleads again, with more desperation this time. “Tell me there was no one else.” 

As I take a moment to process, he returns to his spot on my throat, pulling the skin of my neck between his teeth and one hand finding my swollen clit, rolling circles into it. My eyes widen at the feeling of both sensations at the same time, rapidly accelerating the proximity of my high. 

“Tell me you lied to me.” He repeats in a mumble beneath my ear. “Tell me there’s no one else. I need to hear it.”

My mind swirls between his words and the pleasure he’s giving me. It’s like some twisted tactic, that if he gets me so overwhelmed, I’d be forced to tell the truth - and it’s working. 

“I-“ I begin, going to ask how he ‘knows’ but I know I’m a terrible liar, especially to him. My peak rushes to where his fingertips meet my bundle of nerves and all I can think about is him. “I lied, Nick, I lied.” My fingernails dig into his back, and I squeeze my eyes shut, letting an ache wash through my chest.

I feel him smile against my skin and his speed picks up, ramming into my sweet spot over and over while working figure-8’s into my clit. 

“There’s only you.” I add, because I have nothing left to lose with the truth being out. “There’s only ever been you.”

He groans at the words and the way my walls involuntarily pulse around him. “Fuck.“ He grunts against my neck, his thrusts becoming erratic. “Fuck, I’m close. Cum with me?” 

I nod quickly as I’m on the precipice of my own high as well and ready to reach it with him. 

His thumb speeds up with the rolls of his hips pushing me over the edge. “Fuck I’m gonna, fuck,” Buzzing euphoria washes over me and blinds my vision as the coil in my belly snaps. It spreads burning heat across my body and only intensifies when I feel his cock twitch, spilling his hot release into the deepest part of me.

Our chests rise and fall quickly in time with each other and his breath brushes past my shoulder in short bursts. It feels so good to be so full of him.

Unexpectedly, he pulls back only to hold my face and pull me in for another kiss. This time, it’s sweet and soft and full of an emotion we haven’t spoken. Our tongues dance together but it’s slow and tender, the sort of kiss that bonds you and makes you feel safe. 

Once he detaches from me, his forehead presses into mine once more, meeting my eyes with his silver ones, this time having a faint blue hue. His thumbs brush along my cheekbones and his eyes dart across my face, “I don’t want to stop doing this, Vallie.” He whispers and it twists a knife in my chest.

I don’t want to stop either, I want to say. 

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. “Nick, we-”

“I know.” He says sadly, but with a slightly hopeful pitch. “The guys are coming around, nobody has to know but us five. I can wait, Val.” His voice pleads. “I can wait, I can wait until you’re ready, until we can. There’s something here, I know you feel it too, I can feel it. I just can’t do this anymore, it’s torture being around you.” His words accelerate as he speaks. “It takes everything in me not to touch you. I can’t be around you, let alone live with you and pretend that I don’t love you.” His eyes widen a bit at what he just blurted out. 

My own eyes round wide at him and my heart feels so full it could pop. “You… what?”

He closes his eyes, “I know that I shouldn’t.” His voice strained before meeting my gaze again. “But I do.” 

I blink up at him as he confirms the same words that have been swirling on the tip of my tongue. My hands slide down to hold his face. “I love you too, Nicholas.” I whisper in the space between us. 

“You do?” He asks, almost surprised though I can’t tell if it’s because I said it or because I mean it, maybe both.

“Yes. I love you, I love you,” My hands pull him closer as I repeat the words like a prayer; now that I’ve said them, I can’t stop. “I love you, I love you,” Before I can get to the fifth ‘I love you’ he wraps my legs around his hips and lifts me off the counter with him still inside me. He carries me into the living room and before I can question anything, we reach his intended destination. 

He lays me down on the couch - the same couch we got high on and ate Jolly Ranchers and ice cream. The couch where we first experienced each other’s bodies. It's not the couch where our love began but it is where it bloomed. 

Our lips rejoin immediately, getting swept up in our newly confessed love. I felt him hardening inside me again before we even left the kitchen. My arms wrap around his neck and my legs close in around his hips, trying to get him as close as possible.  

His hips begin to rut into me, gliding easily with his previous release still inside. It begins tender and slow but as with anything with Nick, it heats up quickly. He uses one hand to hook behind my knee pulling my hips up and closer to him and I let out a gasp at the new, deeper angle. His lips find my neck again, placing needy but tender open mouth kisses there. “I need you to feel how much I love you.”

My nails dig into his back at his words, “Fuck.” I moan out as his tip hits my g-spot directly in rapid succession with no reprieve. “Fuck, I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He says softly against my neck, pressing a gentle kiss there. “God, you feel fucking amazing.” It was like once we gave in and admitted to our feelings, it amplified the sex tenfold.

My head feels like it’s spinning when I nod in agreeance, desperately, “You fill me up so good, baby.” I let the name slip in the cloud of pleasure.

“Fuck, call me that again.” He nearly growls and lands one hard thrust flush against my hips.

It made my heart swell, thankful that he liked it, then had my walls pulsing around him in the realization that he really liked it.

“I love your fucking cock, baby.” I repeat the petname.

“Yeah?” He smirks, against my skin, “You like the way I stretch you out, angel?”

I flutter my eyes closed, feeling so complete in our surrender to one another, like this was how we were meant to be with each other from the beginning. It’s overwhelming how all of our suppressed words and feelings were all crashing into us at once. We broke open the floodgates and we were drowning in each other.

“God yes.” I dig my nails deeper into his flesh, feeling the daunting size of him trying to split me in two.

“Fuck, you take me so fucking good.” He mumbles in a low voice, and I feel myself clench as much as I can around his girth like I need to keep him there forever. He groans at the feeling, “Oh, you’re gonna make me cum if you keep that up.” His hand frantically finds my clit again, beginning tight circles into it.

My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes widen, that being the only thing I needed to send me into my second orgasm. He’s not far behind with hard, staggered thrusts chasing his own high.

Our climaxes arrive rapidly with the passionate expression of our love. For the second time that day, we hit our peaks together in unison, letting the confessions of our love fill the room. 

He practically falls and melts into me as our chests heave in time with each other. After a bit his eyes look down at me, still hazy with lust, now mixed with love. “It’s not enough.” He says hastily.

My brows furrow at his words, lifting myself up to my elbows as he slowly makes his way down my body. “What do you mean?”

He lands at my hips, spreading my legs apart. “I said that I need you to feel how much I love you. Fucking you with my cock isn’t enough.”

Before I can protest or inquire, his head is dipped between my thighs and his tongue is latched to my already-overstimulated clit.

“Oh, no, no, no.” My hand flies into his hair as I shake my head quickly. “No, Nick, I can’t – oh – not again,” I hiss at his blatant disregard and try to squirm away. “Fuck – It’s too much.”

He groans against me and his hand grip onto my hips stiffly, keeping me locked in place. “Stay fucking still.” He growls the demand without pulling his mouth away, every word sending a vibration through my body.

Every move of his tongue is intentional in a specific pattern, if I didn’t know better, I’d wonder if he was actually spelling out ‘I love you’. Regardless of that being factual or not, it doesn’t matter because it feels like he was writing loveletters with his tongue.

Every flick and swirl, sends a jolt through my entire being. My movements beneath his mouth can only be described as thrashing as my center is flooded with stimulation it wasn’t ready to receive again. It’s heavenly but almost painful at the same time. “Slower, please.” I beg but it’s futile; once Nick’s determined on something, its hard to convince him otherwise.

I tug at the roots of his hair and wriggle as much as I can with him keeping me in place. I’d felt my high creeping up, but I didn’t expect it to crash into me out of nowhere. It hits me all at once, my hips buck into him and my grip on his hair must be painful, but he doesn’t falter, not for a second. Silent screams ghost my throat as pleasure rips through me, violently. His tongue continues to roll at the perfect speed in all the right patterns, dragging out my high into the longest one I’ve ever had.

He finally tapers off of me and looks up at me through my parted legs. “I could do that all fucking day.”

I deflate into the cushions with a sigh, my ears still ringing from the overwhelming pleasure that just possessed my entire being. He kisses up my body, reaching up and planting a chaste kiss to the side of my mouth. “Was that too much?” He questions in a whisper.

I shake my head lazily, out of breath. “Perfect.” Is all I can get out.

The edge of his lips curl into a smirk. “I knew it would be.” And places a prideful kiss to my shoulder.

Once cleaned up, we laid on the couch together with me cuddled into his side and my head on his chest. The silence around us is both comforting and nerve wracking. The air is thick with fragility, like if one of us moves or speaks our bubble will burst. 

As we lie there, the quiet moments stretch out, and I can feel his heartbeat steady under my ear. It’s a rhythm that grounds me, making everything else fade away. His fingers trace gentle patterns on my arm, and I close my eyes, savoring the warmth of his touch. There’s a comforting sense of relief in surrendering completely to each other, finally. I’m not sure what this all means for us, but it feels good to finally admit it outloud. 

We stay like that for the rest of the night, enveloped in a bubble of shared intimacy. The outside world, with all its complications and uncertainties, feels distant and unimportant. Right now, we are just two people who have found comfort in each other’s arms. The complex reality and fragile hope for what might come next hangs in the air, but for now, they don’t need to be addressed. The uncertainty still lingers, but it’s softened by the honesty we’ve shared today. Tomorrow will bring its own set of challenges and questions, but in this moment, I allow myself to simply be with him, wholly. All that matters is the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the soft whisper of our breaths mingling in the quiet room. It’s enough to simply be together, a luxury we’ve denied ourselves of for so long—to find solace in the closeness and love that has always been there, begging to be acknowledged from the beginning.

Taglist; @ladyveronikawrites @persuasivus @kingdomof-omens @strawberryruffilo @the-hell-i-overcame @cncohshit @dominuslunae @thebadchic @to-be-written @myownthoughts12 @measuredingold [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

A/N; The love for this story is something I never expected and I am truly grateful for it. Sorry that this took so long or if it's not up to par. I would love to hear your thoughts and predictions 👀 Thank you SO much for reading 💗

[cosmicstarlatte]

Manhandling Them (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

Look at you manhandling your favorite demon. Nice.

»Characters: Demon Bros

»Tags: Shitpost, Mildly Suggestive, Jealousy, Dom vibes I guess lol , GN Reader/MC

»Notes: I had my OC in mind for this since he's a big guy but this could work for anyone, bc hc in a hc, you're super strong in this world OKAY!?!?♡

Lucifer:

This old man never takes a fucking break. You find him working late into the night, fighting the sleep he very much needs. You tell him to go rest and continue the work tomorrow. He refuses of course because why would he ever take an order from you? "Oh? Nope! You're done for tonight. Up we go!" You say as you pull him out from his office chair and toss him over your shoulder.

What...what is happening?

[Fighting Status: Engaged]

Shifts into demon form and starts flailing around, yet it does nothing to you

"Put me down this instant!"

You just pat his wings down soothingly trying to calm him down

"Dont ruffle your feathers Luci, this is for your own good. Also if you continue like that, your brothers will come investigate."

He stopped flailing and looked torn: continue to fight or be seen in such a position? There's also the third option, your death

While he was thinking you continued to pat his wings and heard a small purr

winner winner chicken dinnerrrr what have we here!?

"Aw see I knew you'd like it! Alright off to bed!" You say carrying him to his room

"...Maybe I am a little tired...and this might not be the worst thing in the world." He said, absolutely defeated

Since then, it doesn't happen often, but he will let you carry him to bed if he's absolutely drained and no one else is around to see

[Taming the beast: Achieved]

Mammon:

"Mammon we need to go now or we will be late for dinner!" You yelled at him as he continued to bargain with the shopkeeper. He yelled back saying it would only be another minute...taking another 5 minutes. Enough is enough. You grab him and carry him out, bridal style.

One second he's talking to the shopkeeper, the next he's being lifted into the air

"AH! HEY!"

Shifts into demon form and notices it's you and not some stranger

Shifts back into his human form

🍅.jpg

"W-what is this!? P-put me down!" He said as he wrapped his arms tighter around your neck

"Mm, maybe if you kiss me on the cheek?"

"ARE YOU CRAZY!? THE GREAT MAMMON OBEYS NO ONE!"

He continued to complain but did absolutely nothing to try to get out of your arms

He let out an annoyed huff when you guys got home...you were sure it was because he didn't want to come down

Now, he occasionally takes long at places so you could carry him...it's obvious when he keeps looking back to check if you'll get him

You caught on of course, but hey, he's your little tsundere demon

Levi:

"I'm not going to RAD today!" He yelled from his room. The hell he is, you kicked his door down and he screamed. You roughly pulled him from his tub and tossed him over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes, heading towards his closet.

"WWWWHAAAAAATISGOINGONNNN!?"

[Levi demon thrasher mode activated]

He was so confused and turned on by the sudden morning events

"Hey, hey! LEVI, stop it!"

He complied immediately and stopped struggling, you pat him gently while he still tried to understand what made you come in there so rough today

"That's a good demon!"

His tail swished around excitedly at your praise...this morning was something he never expected in his wildest dreams

Subby boy is subby™️

"Oh you like this a lot don't you? I guess I'll come get you more often."

"W-will this be an everyday thing!?" say yes say yes say yes say-

After that day, he still hesitated to ask for piggyback rides or anything else but you know the look and happily scoop him up every time

Please toss him around more, he loves it

Especially when you're rough

Satan:

Lucifer and Satan fighting was nothing new, but you just didn't have the energy to hear them today. So what better way than to just take one of them from the other? "Come here kitty!" You say, wrapping your arms around Satan and pulling him up against your body, carrying him to the manor library. 

He shifted into demon form in an instant

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? LET ME DOWN!"

He wasn't sure how your grip was so strong as he continued to try to pull away from you

And he also didn't understand why it felt so good to be carried by you

You patted him and told him to let the anger go and just enjoy the rest of the night with you

He stopped struggling but felt conflicted by what he was feeling especially since Lucifer looked so pleased when you two left

But this does feel good...and you chose him to hang out with

"Tch."

"Fine I'll put you down and-"

"No. You brought this upon yourself. Now continue to the library." He held on tighter

You smirked and he opened his mouth to argue but huffed instead

He was...actually impressed by your boldness and wouldn't mind being manhandled like that again

Just not when he's fighting with Lucifer please

Asmo:

Everyday his fans crowded him and 80% of the time, it was okay with you. Today though you just really wanted to go home quickly with him but his fans intercepted. Yeah no, you just weren't having it today. "Sorry guys we have to go home now." You say and tug on Asmo's hand. "Mm I don't know, it shouldn't take too long-" he starts. You raise an eyebrow at Asmo and end up tossing the Avatar of Lust over your shoulder, jogging away from the gawking crowd.

What just happened?

He squeals excitedly

"Oh I like this!♡"

He was surprised by your sudden action as you've never carried him before

Especially something so...possessive? In front of other RAD students!?

He was gushing

"Should I expect this more often!?"

"Yeah, probably. I should've done this a while ago." You admitted

Devildom Pictures Presents: Asmo, the Avatar of Blushing

He made himself comfortable and chatted with you while on the way home

The two of you ignored the looks of others but photos were definitely taken and posted to gossip sites

After that day he loved asking for piggyback rides and being carried around, he let you know how much he loved it every time

Beel:

Lucifer entrusted you to guard the fridge from Beel and so you did. "Sorry, Beel!" You tell the gluttonous beast. "Eh? I'm hungry now...I just want a little food..." He tried to walk around you to reach the fridge and that's when you scoop him up flawlessly, bridal style. You carried him away from the kitchen.

???

He did not foresee this ever happening

He could only blankly stare at you as you carried him further and further away from the kitchen

He actually really liked it but was worried about his weight

"You should put me down. You might get hurt."

"Did you not see how easily I scooped you up? This is nothing."

Beel smiled and went with it, completely forgetting about the fridge

"Can we do this more often?"

"Was already planning on it big guy!"

His heart flipped! After all, no one, even in the celestial realm, ever held him like this

And the fact that it was you, made it a million times better

The two of you settled on the couch while he stayed in your lap and cuddled with you until dinner time

(1) New Text from Lucifer : You did well. I'm counting on you for next time.

Belphie:

"You can't make me move!" Belphie muttered half asleep. He had a habit of falling asleep in weird places around the house and for some reason he chose the front of your bedroom door. You nudged him with your foot and he went back to snoozing on his cow print pillow. Okay, bet. You leaned over him and swiftly picked him up, wrapping his legs around your waist and holding him securely. You finally entered your room.

???

"You're not Beel!?" He said bewildered (and slightly embarrassed) by the sudden realization

"No I'm not and you were blocking my door."

"This feels nice from you. I could get use to this." He murmured happily at the sudden closeness

You roughly toss him onto your bed and he complained about demon abuse and rights

"Ugh! More gently next time!?"

He was still impressed by your use of force, you always surprised him which is why you're his favorite human

Was happy you decided to take a quick nap with him but upset you kicked him out after

"Hmph. You haven't seen the last of me!"

And it was true, he made it more of a habit to sleep in front of your door so you'd carry him inside, sometimes he got you to cuddle with him

He freely asks for piggyback rides if he's particularly drained

⬦You might also like: Flirting With Others︱You ARE The Father

[kaijuree]

I THINK. ITS ABOUT TIME.

just saying this before i get into this but HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING. seriously. this shit has really some sensitive topics proceed with caution

also im unsure if this is all of it. ok anyways INTO THE LORE

There is this underground organization right, a society. It's a scientist society that's existed for thousands of years. They're evil & all, they develop weapons & create artificial life & turn said artificial life into weapons & do these horrible disgusting tests on people just in general they're fucked up.

But I think the most horrible & interesting thing about this society is their philosophy. They. HATE the deities. They HATE gods. They think they're disgusting, undeserving of their power & status & shit so they were founded on the idea of 'dethroning those disgusting creatures'.

So with this information I'm now going to drop a fucking bomb on you guys. Prepare yourself for this chat.

They're the ones that did that to Ghostwalker. They're the ones that fucking mangled him & tore him apart then rearranged him like that. They kidnapped him when he was on the mortal plane 3000 years ago for some reason. He was alone & they snatched him. He disappeared for weeks & the other swords found him in pieces. Firebrand literally stitched him back together.

Although they're an underground organization, they're also disguised as a corporation called 'spare change'. They produce tech & medicines, which none of it is safe. Their headquarters is in Crossroads.

The medicines they make are basically drugs that kill you. One of said drugs, called 'dime' is advertised as an antidepressant & such (its inspired off of thalasin+ from blue channel thalasin) but it is NOT that at all. Infact, dime is the drug that Darkheart overdosed on which caused them to loose their venom. They also lost their other eye from dime. Their eye turned into fucking mush.

But 'spare change' has many labs, their actual headquarters being somewhere in the middle of Lost Temple. Alot of characters are actually affiliated with them or have connections to them. For example,

Characters like Rad, Blade, & Lord Pwnatious work for 'spare change'. Other characters, such as Traffic & Mx. Bot are aware of them, & Traffic is a victim of them. Squidheart is actually artificial life from 'spare change' that was created on accident, & another one of my phighting ocs, EKoSS, is also artificial life created by them. Then there's Ghostwalker of course.

Spare change is something me & @clovergeneral have been wanting to share for a long time, & expect to hear alot more about this. We really cooked with this one.

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

Please tell me bout your ocs I love hearing bout ppls ocs :D

Obviously you have posted their names but what are their pronouns and what is their world like and their role within that world and what sort of things do they enjoy?

(or any other questions you wanna answer bout them :D)

well First Off.. here's an ask i answered that probs answers a bit of that!!

secondly.... okay okay okay. tom's pronouns are he/him and chelsea's are she/they!! their world is basically- and i feel bad cos its not a fancy fantasy thing- but it's just real life. like

they are just two high schoolers who could exist somewhere in the US, but i feel like thats part of their charm, yk? they're literally just Guys. nothing special about em, nothing fancy about them, they're just high school juniors trying to get thru to graduation :3

tom is 15 and a half and chelsea is 16, and also i do really wanna talk about this SO: guess how they chose their names :33 theyv'e been besties since they were little and when they both came out as trans to each other at one of their MANY sleepovers they decided to take the other's deadname AUGH!!! and not only is that adorable it's also fucking hilarious because they're always together, so a transphobe will come up and be like "oh hey TOM" and try and deadname chelsea but the ACTUAL tom will just look up and be like "?? hey? wassup" and they've done taht so many times auauuagh...... anyway i love these guys..... and i love talking about them so muchhhh

i've jotted down a lot of stuff on tom's character and personality and i'm gonna finish that up and then write about chelsea for a bit so!!! yippeeeee auuuuuauauuauauuughhhghhgh who knew u could make ur own blorbos huh. fucking rad (also if anyone wants to know what they look like......... i can tell you........ i have picrews ive made and im gonna draw them at some point and it's going to be fucking awesome)

[ragnarozzys]

Hi! Just wanted to just say it's so cool seeing how your art and characters change over the years!!! Like just your improvement at such a fast rate is so mind blowing!! Just stumbled across your tumblr and I recall your insta and went "oh snap!" but yeah!

Just wanted to share a lil drawing cuz omg your characters just all of them are hands down so fucking RAD!!!! Sorry if it's weird!!!!

oh shit i totally recognize your handle from insta, glad to see you again on other social media!! i'm not super active everywhere but it's nice knowing people enjoy my characters after so long :] AND hearing that the progress is there in my art journey with my fave ocs.

THAT ASIDE, these are so CUUUTE FJDKAJSD WAUGH not weird whatsoever, i LOVE seeing how others imagine interactions with my silly guys!! HIGHEST COMPLIMENT RLY, your trolls are also so good. who doesn't love a funny bunch!!!!! THANK YOU TONS

[haruistopheles]

"First meeting" a haruka[oc] x Mephistopheles fanfic-obey me! Pt.1

contains: classmates to lovers, fluff, love triangle , jealousy , slight cursing :3 note* this is the first fan fic i've EVER done so i hope you like it :3

Haruka was just walking to her first class for the day. Mammon and Leviathan were walking beside her like protective brothers; if a demon were to approach her , they would give them a sinister glare stating:

"fuck off , shes not interested!" or "step one more closer or ill kill ya!"

Haruka knew they were just trying to keep her safe , but they didn't have to pose threats like that..... In the distance they could see Asmodeus and Satan walking towards the classroom.

"morning guys!" Haruka waved at them.

"Morning , hun! how is my cutie pie today~??" Asmodeus struck her with a seductive smile. He tried so hard to flirt or call Haruka names, but Haruka wasn't falling for it, but in general ,Asmodeus and Haruka got along surprisingly well.

"ah , good morning Haruka" he shot Haruka with a dashing smile. Haruka and Satan were particularly close, every afternoon after school, they would go to Satan's room and catch up on how school was or just talk in general. There was so much trust in the friendship they sometimes opened up to each other about their past and tell secrets.Most of the time tho , they would open up devil tube and watch cute cat videos.

"ehem" mammon signalling that class was almost starting so they all hurried together to class. . .

Time skip-after school

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Solomon was waiting at the RAD gates for haruka so they could walk back to purgatory hall together . Haruka said goodbye to the brothers and approached Solomon. As haruka said goodbye to them, Solomon couldn't help but notice the deep connection between her and the brothers, he found it ..... astonishing... i mean we're talking about the seven Deadly sins here and yet, she managed to not only befriend them but to make pacts with them all ?! Now that's impressive! Solomon gave her a kind smile.

"hey , how was school today, mammon didn't cause you any trouble, right?" he laughed at the thought of it , it was very clear mammon was clingy to her, no , i think everyone knew that.

"it was good thanks, and no , not too much trouble , apart from the glares he gives at the other students..."haruka sighed at the thought.

"ha, yea I've seen these glares he gives off, i'd be frighted if he gave me that look" Solomon said, hoping mammon wouldn't give him the glare

" you better stay on his good side then" haruka laughed. Solomon liked the sound of Haruka's laughter , it brought him joy knowing she was happy. When they got back to purgatory hall , haruka set up dinner( no way in hell was she going to let him cook-), the amount of times Solomon insisted to cook a meal was crazy, but haruka made a loop hole ( Haruka got so good at cooking, Solomon always wanted Haruka's meals and has never asked to cook dinner again-Simeon and Luke were impressed-).Haruka cooked a stir fry as that was their favourite meals. ~

After the lovely meal, Solomon thanked Haruka and helped with washing up and cleaning the kitchen. As haruka was washing up , she accidentally dropped a fork on the floor, Solomon also noticed this too and both went to pick it up. Both hands went to grab the fallen fork, resulting there fingertips touching, they looked up and saw their faces were close, they both blushed a bit and haruka picked the fork up. They felt a bit embarrassed , but it wasn't too much of a deal and carried on cleaning, Solomon 's face was as red as a tomato.If it wasn't clear from the beginning, Solomon really , REALLY likes Haruka, but he doesn't know if she feels the same way, so he tries to avoid embarrassing moments like now....(>///<)

the next day.... -----------------------------------------------------------

Haruka got up a decent time and got ready for school, She found Solomon at the breakfast table , eating buttered toast and a cup of coffee.

"morning Haruka" Solomon gave her a gentle smile

"morning Solomon" haruka smiled back whilst making her breakfast and pouring herself some coffee. She sat at the other end of the table, and both enjoyed their breakfast.

The made it to RAD and waved goodbye to each other and went to their first class. This was the only class that haruka nor the brothers and the others shared a class with, but she knew a few students in that class so she was okay. She sat down at her desk and waited for class to start. She then heard the sound of boots clicking on the hard-wood floor, she noticed a few students were whispering amongst each other. Haruka turned around to see one of the RAD newspaper members-MEPHISTOPHELES. His desk was close to her desk , but it was a good angle to see his pretty features.

She had heard a couple of things from the others about him-most of them weren't nice-Haruka couldn't help but turn a bit red when seeing him- his dark, silky ,magenta hair , his stern , attractive face , EVERYTHING-

She looked away from him and waited for the teacher to start the lesson.

"today, i'm going to pair you up with someone for this weeks project!" the teacher exclaimed

"pairing up?" Haruka thought... she wondered who she was going to end with. The teacher paired some students together.

"hmm Mephistopheles...you can pair up with... Haruka." the teacher glanced at Haruka's direction.

"M-ME?!--" haruka thought, she was to surprised to speak-

Mephisto stood up and walked to Haruka's desk , you could tell that he wasn't a bit annoyed that it wasn't a demon and that it was the human exchange student-but he got on with it anyway.

"it looks like i'm your partner for this week....Haruka is it..? he slightly smiled at her and sat down next to her

"um yes.."haruka was very shy when it came to talking to new people , especially when they were this hot-

"i don't bite ,you know? i mean, i wouldn't be surprised if those brothers you hang out with so much ,brainwashed you that apart from them everyone else is going to get you or something "

haruka felt annoyed by his comment-especially bad mouthing the brothers like that-'maybe he is a bitch after all' haruka thought

"i know that--- and no, they haven't "brainwashed" me thank you very much!" she shot an annoying glare at him-

he scoffed

" .. no need to get defensive- anyway , back to what we're supposed to be discussing about"

Right , the project. it was about to make a presentation about one of your favourite places in the Devildom, so the pair had decide on a place fairly. They wrote a few locations.

The bell rang.

"meet me in the RAD newspaper room at 3:00 sharp" Mephisto said as he got up and left the classroom before haruka had a chance to speak.

" why 3:00 sharp?-damn he's demanding....it pisses me off!" haruka explained to Satan , Asmodeus and belphegor before the last lesson ended.

"We told you he's an ass" Satan said

" i feel bad you have to be his partner for week, ...WAIT DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE TO STAY IN RAD FOR AN EXTRA HOUR?!?WITH HIM-!!" Asmodeus whinnied

"well....yeah unfortunately" Haruka sighed

"i only like him because he doesn't like Lucifer, THAT'S IT" Belphie confirmed

"well.... it's almost three so... i don't want to keep 'Mr . perfect' waiting" Haruka and the others laughed at the comment and waved good bye to her.

Haruka approached the doors of the RAD newspaper room. She took a breath and let herself in.......

{PT 2 COMING SOON} :3 hope youve enjoyed so far~

[nimbus-bugs]

Nim Sketch Dump

as promised, here's a big sketch dump of my sona/oc nim! this isn't gonna be a popular post and I don't care 👍

I didn't originally intend to post these so I've referenced some art works heavily but I've written the name of the artist and I'll type it out too! if any of the artists see my references and is uncomfortable with it please let me know and I'll remove it from this post :D

dump under the cut!

the first ideas for his "modern design" (he's been around and recycled for a loooong time). the pose in the top right hand corner is taken from @/hiraethminds! they are a very cool artist and inspire me a lot. though the grey-ish tones as the major colour goes away I still really like the centipede tattoo, centipedes are rad as fuck and you can't tell me otherwise

I started to play with the idea of a goat design for him here! which is strange because like. that's not even his main design or motif or anything, I just really liked the idea I guess LMAO also Aurelai belongs to my mate of the same name! she's not on tumblr (yet) but you should still like her because she's cool and awesome

a treat for my qsmp enjoyers!! an unfinished short comic I sketched on the day tallulah lost her first life. the other characters in this are my old ocs, don't even worry about them

I straight up just have the image that inspired me in this one. its by @/sss-eriema and it was a gift from GOD. I was trying to sort out the colours and wanted to incorporate both orange (my favourite colour) and green (my close second favourite colour) but wasn't having much luck. eriema's artwork showed me that it can work in a more muted way and it was very very helpful!!

maid dress. sorry. also slimecicle

I started to get the colours down in the bottom right corner!! I really like this sketch page honestly. some bonus self portrait sketches because I wanted to try and put some more of my own features into his design as my sona! also in the notes I was debating between the two eye shapes and I'm still thinking about it. I think the bottom ones fit his personality more and are way more expressive but I just like the Vibe of the top ones

a lot of little drawings with varying styles! also more slimecicle. I am adhding so hard for him right now, it's concerning.

t. this one is the reason for the blood tw in the tags. I just really like drawing blood. as a treat. don't come for me this is my self-indulgent safe space leT ME BE EDGY </3 also the writing is a little hard to read so I've put it in the alt! and more qsmp doodles!

I'm starting to ditch the goat design but this one is my last hurrah. basically settled on the general colour scheme now! and more qsmp stuff. its literally gripped my brain I can't escape it, even in my personal work

then I realised. nimbus-BUGS. bugs! what if bug? this was a really fun study for using more creature features that I wasn't used to! loving the mandibles tbh

my most recent sketch as of posting! I might update this later, but this sketch page is probably the most gratuitously referenced, the expressions in the bottom left and top right were basically ripped from @/microwavablesquid so if you like those please check them out! the basic design structure of the full body was referenced from @/aresonist, retroactively I realised a lot of my design choices. uh. they also made LMAOOO so if my design in General tickles your brain, follow them!

as for his lore and basic information for what he actually Is, uhhh. ??? I don't know HAHAHA he's a little guy! he's creature! is he human? probably not but no one could say for sure! is he bugs? is he 1000 bugs in a trenchcoat? sometimes he's goat I guess??? I can never decide on a design and I think that aids his cryptid-like habits. he shows up sometimes, vibes and can't die in a way that matters! he has a running motif of my fake-God-thing, the centipede ouroboros, so I was like "what if he was a harbinger of the ouroboros, what then." and I like to imagine he has video game logic where when he dies, he basically respawns. also weirdly it's worked out in a way where he has lots of biblical motifs, like my name is literally nimbus, like the halo, and he's a messenger of a god like some fucked up blorbo angel. also lily of the valley is my favourite flower and I like drawing him with it, it also has lots of symbolism in the bible?? wild.

I sincerely doubt it but if you guys have any questions about nim or want to draw him or anything I would Die. I would just keel over. you'd take me out.

thank you so much if you got to the end of this btw!! this was a lot. seriously though, it means the world if even one person would like to see my little guy <3 have a great day and take care of yourself!

[shirogane-oushirou]

11 and 14 for the selfship ask game 👀

-bobasthrone

hie jo!!!!! tysm for the questions, looking forward to answering these hehe! i hope you're doing well and keeping safe this season ^^

11. has an F/O inspired you to pick up a new hobby/interest/habit this year?

i'd say "gray inspired me to pick otome games back up so i could read spade alice (the new one he's in)" but that feels like cheating LOL. i also technically did my first gunpla shortly before ren Appeared to me... so while i've gotten MORE into it thanks to ren (and the thought of us doing them together), i also don't really count that. ren did get me hardcore back into art tho... like he's my oc so if i'm not making shit for him NOBODY is kjNKJSDFNKJNF. and he's making me focus a bit more on clothes than i normally would in my art AND irl (i want to look soooo cute for him~). and even though i haven't started YET, i do EVENTUALLY want to do mycology research for funsies. i know Enough about my own mycotoxin ailments, but anything beyond that is just like. what mushrooms used to grow outside my family's previous house and how RANCID they smelled lmao. i feel like learning more would get me closer to him, and i can see it as him infodumping to me! like that one post about leaf-cutter ants and fungus farms was WILD... i want to learn more shit like that!!!!

14. did you find out anything new and surprising about yourself through selfshipping this year?

honestly, i think ren has helped me explore so many parts of myself that i don't know how to list it all. dude's like... 10% stuff from the original dream, 30% original stuff, 60% stuff taken directly or remixed from my life. ;;;; the 30-40% that isn't me is KEY and clearly makes him very different and his own person, but also... love to dump traumas on OCs to work through them~~~ (as a Kinda Funny Thing, i think i hyperfixated on Just Some Guy ren as much as i did Villain Doc ren.... i think i've gone from "nobody will be as interesting as a cool fictional character" to "just give me a cute retail worker who's real niceys to me, i want to give it a try" OKJSNFKJN) i've also found out i have the capacity for WAAAAAY MORE social interaction than i thought possible. i've been isolated since 2016, becoming progressively more socially anxious, and one of my 2023 goals was just to go from "regular chatter in one twitch stream" to "regular chatter in multiple twitch streams", which would have been a huge change in itself... and yet here i am just chatting it up w people daily!!!!! it's nuts!!!! i still obvs have bad days... plus i still can't really do one-on-one dms or chat apps like discord kJNDKJFNSKDJFN i'm gonna need Actual For Real Therapy to be comfy doing that again KJSNKFJNKJDFNS... but i've met so many fucking cool people since making this blog, and i love chatting in tags and replies and asks like these!! i even made the first "move" in multiple cases! it's a small thing... but to me, it's huge. and it's improved my mood SO much (sans this month yeehaw but that isn't selfshipping's fault lol). all this to say HIEEEEEE if you're reading this you're rad af and ilu hehehe

[chemicalbrew]

tagged

by @radellama (god, this took too long. and then my draft was eaten. so I'm writing this again. wahh)

1 - Are you named after anyone?

No! And thank fuck! My dad was going to name after his late grandma and I hate, loathe that name. It is really only meant for grandmas. Apparently it means 'divinely beautiful' or some shit, which is really ironic, because it sure doesn't sound beautiful lol

2 - When was the last time you cried?

Ten days ago or around that time, I really don't want to remember exactly, because it was awful (but you helped me through it, bro, god bless). The world bad!! Uni bad!!

3 - Do you have kids?

No, not even OCs. I mean, I have ideas for some and then I proceed to think about the blorbo of the season (in this case, any Zero of your choice... crode about them both fr 💮💿) instead.

4 - Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, because if I don't joke around, I will die >:)

5 - What sports do you play/have played?

I like swimming though :)

6 - What's the first thing you notice about people?

The fact that they exist, lol. I space out a lot, especially the last couple years... I just don't want to look at the world around me properly sometimes, I'd rather daydream about blorbo, or plan my writing for RC, or think about how hard Katana ZERO hard mode is kicking my ass, etc

7 - Eye colour?

Brown and proud about it :) in the right lighting, they look almost black

8 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Just going to leave what Rads said here:

Both? Whatever feels most appropriate for the narrative. This doesn't really feel like an evenly balanced choice...

because this is so true. The best kind of stories have a bit of both, anyway...

9 - Any special talents?

Being bad at Katana ZERO and then getting better at Katana ZERO

The serious answer is that my talent is being bilingual and annoying about it. I love writing of almost all kinds, even if I have trouble committing to big stories, I just love words and language and I think it gives me power :)

I'm also learning gif editing at my own pace just for fun 👍 and I like how tech\internet literate I am

10 - Where were you born?

11 - What are your hobbies?

gaming (I mean, you know all about my niche ass :) )

more specifically, I love learning about stuff like emulation, homebrew\hacking, etc. it's FASCINATING

writing (specifically discord roleplay (RC ily 🖤) and short fanfic, but the general idea of writing too)

reading (very occasionally lol)

gif editing as said previously :)

also coding, I guess? good lird, i'm bad at handing code though.

12 - Do you have any pets?

used to :( I miss my cat, you guys...

13 - How tall are you?

~145cm I think. I'm tinie

14 - Favourite subject in school?

ENGLISH!!! DUH

15 - Dream job?

Translator, ideally game localizer </3 even more inspired to try and chase this goal through the few means available after witnessing the KZ localization crash and burn 👍

[sleepyone2three]

That whole last ending sequence in the final episode episode of Arlong Park really hits hard though 😭 This whole arc has absolutely wrecked me though. My standards are too high and I fear nothing will live up to it. Final Thoughts 👇and they're in no particular order/all over the place since I wrote them as I thought of them.

Fuck Arlong

The hat scene wrecked me

Again, the whole ending sequence from the note placement to that last pinwheel spin is so good I can't even put it into words

All of the meaning behind Nami's new tattoo down to the aesthetic. Such a simple yet elegant design too.

"I'LL always be YOUR friend, Nami!"

Luffy just took down the man the literally owned and made Nami miserable for the past eight years and is using the most non possessive verbage possible he's letting her know it's always her choice at the end of the day I can't with this boy 😭

We'Re NoT goNna hUrt HeR

With grease and meat all over his face and his mouth still stuffed

It was at that moment Genzo realized he had nothing to worry about

Nojiko getting the tattoo for Nami though! She's such an amazing big sister

Oh my goodness yes doctor man please tell Zoro off for not taking better care of himself because I will if you don't

Usopp's fight was honestly pretty funny and I enjoyed it

Oh my God I just remembered the sea monster cow and I felt for so bad for it, Sanji and Luffy were so mean

On that note, wtf is up with Luffy and hurting cute animals? First Shushu and now this? Someone call peta on this boy

I wasn't a huge fan of how obnoxious johnny and yosaku were but I loved that they were basically a stand in for the audience/riff on oc fan characters and self insert fics (which I totally don't write all the time whaaaaat why would you ask) and so self aware that I can't even be mad most of the time.

Nami stealing everyone's wallets is such a rad way to prove she's self sufficient and going to be okay out on her own

Also not letting anyone say thank you is such a mood

She does what she wants

Luffy you're the captain, you sweet stupid enabler

The pacing of the hat scene in so good of my gooooosh

Weirdly this arc has had some of the best edited recap intros so far

I honestly kinda wish we got to see Nami throw down in the final battle. She goes up ready to fight and then just doesn't, I'd have liked to see her at least beat up one fishman. But I also love how much the others go all out for her

I really liked the moment in Usopp's fight when he was going through all his lies and his tone gets more and more unsure and how it builds up to him declaring he'll never pretend to be a pirate again because he's going to be a pirate

Sanji trying summon good vibes? That's so dumb and cringe but I love it

Speaking of Sanji, I love that he thought to blow into the gills I was not expecting that kind of solution

Also, I love Sanji's character... as long as he isn't around women. Let him be a bitch to everyone, not just the guys.

And the the wounds opening up as the as Hachi is swimming? That was a great payoff

God the Mirabelle scenes hurt

Genzo's an amazing character and I really like him

Hajiko too, she's awesome

The little kid feels super tacked on tbh. He disappears for half the story and then comes back for a hamfisted monologue. Is this different in the manga? I sure hope so

I kinda love the Hawaiian shirt and bandages look on zoro, heavy trans masc vibes which I love

Yikes on the scene where Arlong rips off Zoro's bandages though dysphoria kinda triggered uhhg

I bought Sanji's cook book and there was no special orange sauce sauce recipe why did he not ask for crew contributions?

I'm honestly shocked the town had enough food for Luffy to gorge himself like that for three days, they're gonna need the money Nami left to recoup their losses

The ship flying and Luffy just having a blast the entire time had me wheezing

Stretching Luffy's head above water was such a brilliant and creative solution. Makes me wonder if the same could work for Buggy if he chop chopped his head off before sinking.

All in all, these dorks are so good for each other

[twsted-princess]

I posted 5,514 times in 2022

502 posts created (9%)

5,012 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fumikomiyasaki

@rookvonhunt

@celiica

@otaku-tactician

I tagged 5,506 of my posts in 2022

#twisted wonderland - 1,581 posts

#the princess aesthetic - 1,247 posts

#twst oc's - 752 posts

#others art - 531 posts

#others work - 530 posts

#my work - 512 posts

#fate/grand order - 227 posts

#fire emblem heroes - 217 posts

#genshin impact - 209 posts

#ffxiv - 205 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#basically i'm sitting here panicking cause i gotta make sure my neighbor's cat isn't dead and my mom (who's at the yacht club) has the keys

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Pov: You're getting Valentine chocolate from the Ramshackle gang.

Melanie: "(Y/N)? (Y/N) are you here? Oh! There you are! How are you doing? Did you get any chocolates yet? W- Well........here. I- I know we're good friends but...I really like you a lot!! So...do you want to be my valentine?"

Petva: "Here ya go. See ya........huh? What? It's Valentine's day and I wanted to give you something. Look I- I'm not good for this kinda stuff. But I kinda...like you a lot and if you don't wanna be mine that's fair. But gimme a chance?"

Mori: "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got something for you!!!!!!! Do you like it? Do you? I made it all by myself!! You know what this means right? Let's go on a date!!!!"

Regina: "Ah, you're here (Y/N). You're probably wondering why I asked you to come here. Well.....it's valentine's day. Here......this is for you. I know I know, this might seem out of place but I do admire you deeply. Every time I see you my heart aches to be by your side. Of course you're free to reject but please.....I wish to be your valentine."

Allison (platonically): "Waaah!! Oh it's just you. Seriously (Y/N) don't sneak up on me like that. *Sigh* Today's valentine's day. I wonder if the others had confessed yet? Have you gotten something nice? H- Huh...me? Oh no no, I'm not that interested in this kinda stuff. I'm just happy to see everyone else have fun. But I do have some candy, do you want some? Think of it as...a symbol of our friendship."

Alto: "Yo, (Y/N)!! I see you got some chocolates, being a heartthrob now huh? You got the school wrapped around your hand? Gehaha I'm just pulling your leg dude!!! Here, got you some more. Don't worry this isn't gonna be a confession. I just think you're pretty rad! Come on, let's go see if Forte found somebody!"

Forte: "(Y/N) can you come here for a second. Don't worry I won't bite you silly. Here I want you to have this. Ah, your blushing face is so cute!! Yes yes I want to be your valentine. You're not dreaming. You're dear to me you know, I've been planning this for a while. How about we talk about this over dinner~?"

@crestbaby @rookvonhunt @fumikomiyasaki @ellovett @sugarandmelody @zackcrazyvalentine @just-an-otakus-blog @sakurablossoms10 @thetwstwildcard @honey-milk-depresso

43 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

#4

"Hey! Maybe we'll beat Ace to class today, let's go!!" "But then we'll run the risk of being scolded for running in the halls Grim." "Now now you two. I'm sure we can make it on time and get there before Ace and Deuce."

Sooooooooo ya girl commissioned @chibichibisha and LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO CUTE AND SHINY AND I JUST LOVE IT!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!

43 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

#3

See the full post

53 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

#2

Guys have you ever gotten art so fucking gorgeous I've left speechless and wanting to scream?

NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL GETTING THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE FROM @nicoliharu AND IT'S SO PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

70 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

As the newest set of Birthday cards are coming in soon here's the Groovys of all the Dorm Leaders 2nd birthdays!

See the full post

2,715 notes - Posted September 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[notahorseindisguise]

OUGH the collecter yes such a guy, i understand you so well. YES, MY BLORBO'S, fianlly OC time.

i'm a writing a not fanfiction, finally, and this story and my wonderful little idiots have been in my head for 4 years and have been stealing my rent, basic premise is, "wow we're all polyamourus and trans (excpet for that one guy) isn't this so cool and awesome except oh no i'm falling in love with my boyfriend's husbadn who is strictly monogomous. shit." this is from the point of view of Reign, who is a wonderful awesome very tall pretty bigender person and i'm so in love with her you have no idea. if she was real i know i wouldl have 0 chance with her.

So then there's two/three storylines going this way. either, reign get's over their forever unrequited love for the husband, (Spencer) who is very bland at the moment i just kinda went "tall curly hair likes books he can get a personality later" and i am still waiting for later, and then the story is about that and learning to kinda get over shit and it would be more of a comedy but no romance ending in that way.

the OTHER idea is the boyfriend fucking dies, as does Reign's wife, and so Spencer and Reign both have to deal with the greif of thta, and in plot idea a) they everntually fall in love, over like 20 years whilst both finding thing out about their mutal partner and Reigns wife and just it's about getting to know mor eabout peole, both good and bad, without being there with them and i just think that would be really fun exploring emotions and shit. and plot idea b) it's a murder mystery wahoo.

that turned into rambling about the source my blorbo's came from more than the blorbo's themself but thank you, my brain has been cleansed of some of the rot.

OOOOOO trhat all sounds super cool !!!!! i like that a lot woah polyamory is so rad and that sounds like a great story!! thanks for sharing and id love to read it whenever it has some semblance of readiness !!

[gggoldfinch]

can you share those lil snippet ideas with is? If not thats ok.

YEEHAW glad you asked bc I’m slightly deranged and having thoughts🧍🏻‍♀️

As we all know, I tend to write verbose 20k oneshots that delve into character development/analysis/lengthy buildup. That being said, while I love me some pwp, I really wanna dig into the meat of Cooper’s character and do some purple prose-ing about him. That’s is the main thing I’ve been pondering— snippets of things I can describe or go into detail about (like his cannibalism, the implications of his lack of a nose, the fact he still wears his cowboy costume; all of which I haven’t really seen discussed much in fic so far)

I haven’t decided on Reader or OFC yet. An original character might be too much to commit to for a oneshot (lengthy tho it may be), but also I’ve recently been moving away from second person pov as a writing style & outlet for my indulgent creativity. Maybe I can do an ambiguously described oc whose namelessness is contextually relevant (in third person) 🤷🏻‍♀️

I want to write about the fmc having some sort of greenhouse. Don’t know how that’ll be feasible but I’m nothing if not a plant girly. Her being like “yeah so this is called a greenhouse” and Coop being like “Yeh I know” has been eating my brain

Torn between having fmc be a wastelander or a vaultie bc while I don’t really want her to be a vaultie but love the naïve innocent girl x rough world-weary guy trope, esp in this case. Trying to figure out ways for her not to be very exposed to the outside world without sticking her in a vault. Been playing with the idea of maybe there’s an abandoned/sacked vault that her grandparents found and her family has been living in isolation there since.

Also seen a lot of guff in fics about potentially having to take rad-away after fucking Coop but no one ever actually commits to the bit ! I’m giving fmc radiation sickness from getting laid, get on my level ! Been rotting about Coop making her use his inhaler bc he secretly cares and the chemicals are downright fucking rancid

Dead Dove & Cooper just fucking eats people

LASSO LEASH HNNNHHGGFFFGHHHB