#yes yes i know it is no longer the 7th but i was busy yesterday

[indeedcaptain]

Spirktober 2023, day 7: Air

The air prompt truly has very little to do with the plot but there are no rules. I love accidental bonding and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

Also posted on AO3 here!

☆☆☆

The sadistic little countdown clock that their captors had hung on the wall was taunting Jim. Yes, five hours was plenty of time for the rest of the away team to come and find him and Spock, and he didn’t think that the Arduans --- slimy, long-tentacled creatures, with no identifiable defensive skills and a tendency towards monologuing --- were much of a match for La’an’s away team. But it didn’t help that he didn’t know what the countdown meant.

Jim and Spock sat side-by-side, backs against the white plastic walls of their cell. Spock sat cross-legged, hands resting on his knees; Jim had his legs stretched out before him, ankles crossed. It was just an eight-by-eight cube; there were no visible seams or vents, and no other distinguishing characteristics besides the countdown clock, which had ticked steadily down for the past hour. There was no sign of La’an, and the frown on Spock’s face as he stared at his tricorder screen grew deeper and deeper.

“Hey,” he said eventually. Spock shook his head. 

“What?” 

Spock lifted his hand and held it over the side of Jim’s face. There was a question in his eyes, but Jim didn’t know what it was. 

“What?” he asked again. He could tell that Spock --- whose expression had remained utterly unbothered through their whole mission until recently, even when they had beamed onto the ‘abandoned’ ship straight into the middle of a trap --- was preventing himself from rolling his eyes at Jim. Jim thought that was a little unfair. They had made an excellent team, up until they’d been surrounded by Arduans who had been displeased to find them instead of Captain Pike.

“We will run out of air in four hours. Speaking aloud will use the air we do have more quickly. Therefore, I propose we strategize via meld.” He made an elegant little movement with his hand in the space next to Jim’s face.

Ah. So that’s what the countdown was for. Jim considered what he knew about mind melds: aside from what the Vulcan High Council had provided to Starfleet when Spock joined, it was very little. He had to admit to himself, though, that he was curious about them. The Vulcans were so secretive, and he wasn’t immune to the rumors that had floated through the Academy: the concept of touch telepathy had been romanticized, sexualized, demonized, and every other -ized that he could think of. 

He nodded. What felt like static electricity sparked between Spock’s fingers and Jim’s face even before Spock settled his fingers along his psi-points. Spock whispered, “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

It felt like being struck by lightning. The room around them vanished as Jim’s mind spiraled inward, or upward. He felt Spock around him, felt surrounded by the same easy comfort he had recognized since the first time they met. His whole self was on fire, but he didn’t burn: he felt warm, genuinely warm and safe for the first time since… well, since Tarsus. 

I did not know you were on Tarsus, Spock said, and though Jim heard Spock’s usual flat tone in his head he also felt something beneath the words -- rage, grief, and an unexpected urge to protect that flared and was stifled immediately.   

Yeah, well, it’s not exactly a fun story to tell at parties. At parties, the blurry darkness around them settled, and the feeling of spiraling melted away. They stood in Captain Pike’s quarters. A pot of tomato sauce bubbled on the stove, and something aromatic was roasting in the oven. Glasses of wine and cocktails were scattered across counters and on Pike’s coffee table, but he and Spock were the only people in the room. 

Fascinating, Spock said, and none of the possessive protectiveness that had underpinned his mental-voice remained. Jim wondered if he had imagined it, in this strange in-between place. Our meldspace has taken the form of the dinner party we attended three weeks ago. 

It had been a nice party. Jim had been shadowing Una again, and when Pike heard that he would be staying for a few extra days he had put together what he called ‘nothing special’ but had become one of Jim’s favorite memories. 

Jim loved serving on the Farragut, he did, but there was something in the air on the Enterprise that filled his heart in a way that was missing on his current ship. He had friends, and respected his captain, but he had laughed more with Pike’s bridge crew the night of the party than he had in the entire previous month on his own ship. He had told and been told dirty jokes while sitting between Ortegas and Chapel, had toasted to becoming a first officer with Una, and had dried dishes for Pike while the older man told stories of their recent travels. But what he remembered most was sitting on Pike’s couch for hours next to Spock, just talking. When Chris had eventually kicked them out, they had ended up in the observatory for ‘just one more drink,’ and Jim had nursed the same subpar replicated glass of wine for an inappropriate length of time, just so the night wouldn’t end. But the night had ended, and upon his return to the Farragut he had blocked Spock’s face in the starlight from his head until he had almost convinced himself that the attraction he had felt wasn’t real. 

He shook his head, trying to clear it. When Spock looked sidelong at him, there was a subtle hint of amusement in his eyes. I enjoyed that evening as well.

Jim’s stomach dropped. How much of his emotions was Spock getting? Spock said, the amusement even more evident in his voice, There is no hiding in the meld. 

Moving on. Why fascinating? Jim said, pulling his thoughts from how much he enjoyed Spock’s company and back to Spock’s original comment. Though it may be a futile effort, he would try to keep any secret feelings secret as long as he could. 

I have melded with humans before, Spock said, looking around Pike’s room. Psi-null individuals do not have the mental fortitude necessary to shape the meldspace. I had intended to create a neutral location to prevent any unintentional harm from psychic energy. But I was not responsible for this.

Maybe we’re just on the same page. 

Perhaps, Spock mused. But regardless -

Bigger fish to fry, Jim said.

Not the phrase I would use, but accurate. 

Where is La’an? The away team?

I do not know. I had estimated the probability of them finding us before the time was up to be near 75%. But we have 3.75 hours of breathable air remaining, and I believe the most logical course of action would be a proactive one. 

Agreed. Any thoughts on how we might make our escape?

Jim received a flash of an idea - his prone body with eyes closed, Spock screaming at the walls, the Arduans entering to see what the problem was, and then a spectacular display of violence from them both - and immediately started nodding. 

I believe we are more valuable to them alive than dead. Forcing them to re-enter the room before we run out of air may be the best way to get out. We can then rendezvous with Lieutenant Noonien-Singh. 

I like it. Ready? 

Ready. Jim felt Spock break the connection, felt Spock’s hand fall away from his face, but there was still a warm little wiggle in the back of his mind that reminded him that he wasn’t alone. When his eyes had readjusted to the ugly fluorescents of the cell and his brain was firmly back in his own body, he tipped himself over and started to twitch. Spock’s amusement was tangible, but none was apparent in his voice when he roared for the Arduans to help him. The invisible door slid open and he and Spock surged through it, and Jim found himself in awe at how attuned they were even as they fought the Arduans and took off down the hall. ‘On the same page’ might have been an understatement. 

They found La’an and the away team within thirty minutes, and stole a shuttle and escaped from the Arduans’ compound within the hour. All in all, Jim thought it was neither the most exciting nor the most dangerous mission he had participated in with Pike’s crew, but he couldn’t keep himself from thinking that having the opportunity to meld with Spock had made the excursion worth it. Even after Spock had broken their connection, he felt a warmth in the back of his mind, a feeling of bone-deep satisfaction, like he had just put the last piece of a puzzle into place. 

On the shuttle, he took a seat near the back while Ortegas and La’an took them skyward. After checking in with Pike, Spock took the seat next to Jim. Jim couldn’t help but notice that Spock looked more tense now, as they soared towards the Enterprise in orbit, than he had been in their plastic, airtight cell. 

He leaned over, bumping his shoulder against Spock’s. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Spock said, but he frowned. “Are you experiencing any mental distress from our meld?

“Not at all,” Jim said immediately. “I feel great, actually. Is melding always like that?”

“It is not,” Spock said. “I am gratified that you are not experiencing negative effects, but I must request that you visit Dr. M’Benga after we return to the ship to be sure.” 

“Are you experiencing any… effects? You seem tense.” Jim didn’t know how he’d ever thought the Vulcan was unreadable. Even as Spock gazed neutrally at the wall opposite them, Jim could read the emotions under the surface like words in a book. He felt responsible for Jim’s well-being, and was concerned that the meld hadn’t gone as he expected. Jim could tell he felt protective of Jim, and he tried not to let that knowledge fuel the crush he’d been nursing since the day they’d met. 

“I am experiencing… residual emotion. From our meld.” 

“Is that unusual?”

“Highly.” Spock was uncomfortable, so he let it drop. Jim just hoped that his less than professional feelings in the meld weren’t the cause of his discomfort. 

☆☆☆

Christine waved a tricorder around Jim’s head, but he wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. Spock had vanished into Dr. M’Benga’s office with him, and Jim found that he did not like that he couldn’t see where Spock was. Was something wrong? What if melding with Jim had caused damage to Spock’s brain? 

“Kirk.” Christine’s voice was impatient. Jim realized that she had said his name multiple times. 

“Sorry, Christine,” he said, smiling apologetically. “I’m a little distracted.” 

“What’s on your mind?” 

He opened his mouth to respond honestly, remembered the proclivity the Enterprise crew had for gossiping, and shut it again. But Christine looked over her shoulder at M’Benga’s closed door. “Hmm,” she said, noncommittally. “I get it.” 

“Get what?” 

She grinned at him and said, “There’s something about him, isn’t there?”

Jim dropped his face into his hand. “Please don’t say anything.” 

“Your secret is safe with me,” she said, winking. “I think everyone on this ship has been in that position at one time or another, myself included. What happened?”

“We melded,” Jim admitted. “To communicate silently. And it was… it was really nice.” 

“Ooh,” she teased. “That’s big. He doesn’t meld with just anyone, you know.” He put his other hand up to his face, hiding the smile that threatened to overtake him. 

His stomach dropped with disbelief, and shock, and worry. He gasped. 

“Jim?” Christine lifted the tricorder again, reading the results above the biobed. “Hey, bud, take a few breaths with me. Everything is okay. You’re safe. What are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” he said, and put his head between his knees. “What’s happening? I felt fine, and now…” 

“Do you have a history of panic attacks?” Christine scanned through his medical file. “Wait…”

“Not since I was a kid, and they never felt like this.” He scrubbed at his arms. He felt like his skin was burning. “Something is wrong. Somewhere. Can you go get Spock?”

Christine paused. “What did you say?” 

“Can you please go get Spock? Something is wrong. This doesn’t feel right.” 

“You melded with him,” she said slowly. She looked up at the scan results and then back to his file, eyes narrowed. “Your chart says you’re supposed to be psi-null.”

“Yes, I did, and yes, I am, and he asked if something was wrong afterwards! I think something is wrong!” Jim’s skin hurt. He was overwhelmed by guilt, and remorse, and, oddly, a sense of excitement that caused more guilt. Christine turned abruptly over her shoulder, and yelled, “Joseph!” 

But when M’Benga’s office door slammed open, it wasn’t the good doctor standing in the doorway. It was Spock. There was a green flush on his cheeks and his pupils were blown huge, almost entirely obscuring the brown of his irises. M’Benga followed him out immediately, and Chapel said, “Kirk’s showing psychonexaline ---”

“I know,” M’Benga said. “Spock is---” 

Spock’s eyes met his and in a flash of lightning the Medbay was gone. 

☆☆☆

They were in Pike’s quarters, sitting on his couch again. What’s happening? Jim asked, and Spock’s eyes were full of regret. 

The probability of this occurrence was so low that I did not consider it necessary to warn you, Spock said, and his mental-voice was ragged. 

The probability of what? What’s wrong? How did we get back here? 

This place exists for us now, Spock said. 

That’s not so bad. Why do you feel like you’ve ruined everything?

You feel my emotions?

Jim thought about it, and he realized that the emotions clouding his brain didn’t feel like his. They were tinged with different colors, a stoicism and repression that he had never experienced. I think I’ve been feeling you since the meld. Did M’Benga say something to you that made you worry? I felt it. Christine thought I was having a panic attack.

Spock closed his eyes. Lieutenant --- James --- I am so sorry. 

Spock, tell me what’s happened. 

Spock took a deep breath. Sometimes… when two minds are particularly attuned, when mental compatibility is immediate and certain… a bond forms spontaneously during the first meld. 

A bond? What type of bond? 

I did not know this would happen. I am so sorry. I will ask Captain Pike to allow us to depart immediately. I believe there are Vulcan healers stationed on Starbase 14; the VSA has an experiment running in a nearby nebula; you will never have to think of this again---

Spock, wait. Why do we need a healer?

A healer is necessary to break it. When Spock said the word ‘break,’ Jim felt his despair, felt the shame at the emotion and the effort to hide it.  

Stop! Stop. Back up. Explain the bond first. Jim felt his face flushing. He wasn’t able to reconcile the rightness of being in the meld and Spock’s panic. He was four steps behind in this conversation, and Spock’s fear and grief were leaching the color out of their meldspace. 

It is… it is more than an engagement and less than a marriage. It is similar to what existed between myself and T’Pring before we ended our betrothal. 

Oh. He and Spock were compatible enough to spontaneously get psychically engaged and Spock didn’t want it. His crush flowered and wilted simultaneously. I see. And you don’t want to be engaged to me. 

It is not a matter of want, James. I will not subject you to a permanent relationship which you neither consented to nor desired. You are human. Vulcans do not court each other in the way that humans do. 

What the hell do you mean, it’s not a matter of want? Of course it is! 

James, please. A spontaneous bond, especially with a psi-null individual is so rare as to be nearly unheard of. You do not understand what this would mean for you. 

So help me understand. 

Spock hesitated. He stood, paced in front of the coffee table. Jim spread his arms along the back of the couch and said, Bring it on. 

If we do not break the bond soon, you will be bonded to me forever. You will be mine, as I will be yours. We would have to serve together, fight and live and die together. You would… Spock’s embarrassment colored his face green, and Jim felt it turn his own stomach. You would have to assist me through a biological period of necessity in the future, one which Vulcans never speak of to outworlders. I may hurt you without meaning to. To change your mind after consummation would mean undergoing the most extreme type of mental trauma known to Vulcans. We may both die of it. I offer that we break the bond so you are free to choose a partner of your own volition, rather than be forced into partnership with me simply because we are compatible. Spock stood in front of Jim, clasped his hands behind his back, and waited for his response. His face was impassive. 

Why are you so sure that I don’t want this? Jim closed his eyes and felt for the warm space in the back of his mind. He concentrated hard and probed into it, like pressing on a bruise. Beneath the cool surface of control that Spock presented to the world, a hurricane raged. Jim was swept away in the intensity of what Spock felt: his fear for Jim’s safety and wellbeing, his desire to protect Jim from all danger, and (Jim was gratified to learn) the physical and mental attraction he felt. He felt the awe Spock felt at discovering the depth of their compatibility, the rarity of their bond even on Vulcan. 

Deeper than that, he felt Spock’s fears: that Jim would say no and he would be alone, that Jim would say yes and change his mind later, and that he would never be good enough as either a Vulcan or a human to deserve a partnership like the one he had accidentally found. 

When Jim opened his eyes again, he found Spock watching him. Did you find what you were looking for? Spock asked. 

Yes, said Jim. He looked at Spock and pushed his emotions at him, everything he had been feeling for the past year: his immediate attraction to Spock, his admiration for his mind and abilities, the crush he’d been nurturing since the day Uhura introduced them, and the feeling he’d had as they had stayed up late talking in the observatory after the dinner party. He pushed that memory at Spock: Spock in the starlight, and the little voice in his brain that whispered, “I want to do this forever.” 

You would never be able to leave me, Spock said softly. 

You would be trapped with my illogical brain forever, Jim countered. 

You would never be able to lie to me.

You’ll have to deal with my Tarsus baggage.

Spock paused, weighing his response. Jim’s heart already hurt. If Spock didn’t want the bond, didn’t want to be linked to a human with trauma forever, then he would just have to be okay with it. He would make himself be okay with it.

It would be my honor, Spock said. That was it. Jim launched himself off the couch at Spock and kissed him. It felt like he was being held, and submerged in a bathtub, and burned alive in the most pleasant way possible. But it didn’t feel like a kiss.

We are still in the meld, Spock said, in response to Jim’s confusion. Physical sensation is not the same. 

Right. Can we leave? I’d like to do that in the flesh. 

James. Are you sure you want the bond? I am not convinced you understand the depth of the partnership that you are so cavalierly accepting. Vulcans are possessive and protective when it comes to their bondmates. It is not a human relationship.

Spock. I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you. You’re saying that our minds are so compatible that we accidentally got engaged on the first date, and I didn’t even have to go through the bullshit of human courtship rituals to find out? Count me in. 

When he opened his eyes, he was flat on his back on the biobed and Christine was waving a tricorder over his head. She and M’Benga were reading his scans with an intense and (in his humble opinion) slightly inappropriate level of medical curiosity. 

“Welcome back,” M’Benga said. 

“Where’s Spock?” Jim sat up. Christine smirked. As Jim sat up, Spock’s eyes flashed open and he crossed the bay in three enormous steps. Without a word to his crewmates he lifted Jim off the biobed and started carrying him to the exit. Jim wriggled. “Hey! Excuse me!”

Spock slung him over his shoulder instead --- that seemed slightly more dignified than being bridal-carried --- and did not break stride. Jim waved goodbye to Christine and M’Benga from upside down. 

“You good, Jimbo?” Christine called as the turbodoor slid open. 

“I think I might have signed up for this, actually,” he called back, and he could hear her laughter as the door slid shut behind them.

[spencerreidslove]

hi! can you write something on like the reader getting taken by the unsub and spencer walking in to work and he sees the case and the reader on the board and he just panics and is like "i just saw them yesterday how was they taken" and the bau is all confused and stuff and then spencers like "that's my s/o" (im a girl but gender neutral for everyone if you can :]) and then derek does his teasing like normal:) thank you so much :)

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I changed it a little bit, I hope you don’t mind.

                                          -----

In all the years that Spencer had worked for the BAU, he had only been late twice. Once was when there was an accident in the subway, causing the train to be delayed. The other time was today. 

“I don’t know what could be holding him up.” JJ said, looking down at her watch. The team needed to start a briefing, but without Spencer there, they couldn’t start. 

“We’ll brief him when he gets here, we have to start.” Hotch said, going into the round table room, the rest of the team following.

If any member of the team would’ve looked down at the glass BAU doors, they would’ve seen Spencer run in, worrying a fingernail between his teeth.

He ran over to his desk, threw his bag down on it, and went up the stairs to the round table room.

“Guys-I need your-“ Spencer started, stopping when he saw the entire team at the table, looking a picture on the board. It was them.

“Why is Y/N’s picture ok the board?” Spencer asked, catching his breath. 

“Reid, how do you know the suspect?” Hotch asked.

“Suspect?” Reid questioned. Y/N couldn’t be a suspect in anything. They were too nice, too kind, they wouldn’t hurt anybody. They once cried because they didn’t want to hurt a stuffed animal’s feelings.

“Yes, Y/N Y/L/N is a suspect in 4 murders in the greater DC area.” Hotch said. “I’ll ask you again, how do you know the suspect?”

Reid stammered. “They-uh-work in the local library and I got there a lot. We’re...friends.”

Morgan raised an eyebrow. “Y/L/N is your...friend?” He said in the same cadence Spencer had stated it in. 

“Yeah.” Reid said. “How are they a suspect? They wouldn’t hurt anybody.”

“They were nearby every crime scene, and they don’t have an alibi for the nights the murders were committed.” Emily said. 

“That’s nothing. I probably don’t have an alibi for the nights of the murders. Also, unless they had some sort of motive you don’t really have anything.” Reid said. Thinking back on his words, he did have an alibi. So did Y/N. 

They had been at his apartment nearly night this week, watching a movie or TV show. Y/N must’ve realized that they were his coworkers and didn’t want to reveal their relationship. 

“Let me talk to them.” Reid said. 

“No.” Hotch said. “You’re friends with the suspect.” 

“Just-please let me? I think I’ll clear something up.” Reid said. 

The team shared glances across the table. “Alright, but only five minutes.” Hotch said. 

Reid nodded. “That’s all I’ll need.” 

-

Y/N looked up as the door to the interrogation room they had been locked in opened. They were surprised to see Spencer coming into the room, not Mr. Resting Bitch Face who had been questioning them earlier. 

“Spence?” Y/N asked. 

“Hey, Y/N. You probably gathered that you’re being questioned in four murders.” Spencer said, glancing at the double sided mirror across from Y/N. 

“I didn’t do anything Spence! I don’t even know who they’re talking about.” Y/N said. “I’ve been trying to tell your coworkers that for the past half an hour.”

“I know that you didn’t do anything, but they don’t.” Spencer said, sitting down at the table. He leaned in close to Y/N. “I think we should clear up your alibi.” He whispered. 

“Are you sure?” Y/N asked. Spencer nodded. 

“So,” Spencer said, leaning back. “Where were you on the 3rd, the 7th, the 10th, and the 15th?” Y/N could see him smile a bit. 

“You were there, you should know.” Y/N said. Spencer flushed a little bit. “I mean that we were at your apartment watching TV.” 

The door opened and an older man ushered Reid out of the room. Y/N watched as their boyfriend disappeared from their sights. 

-

“Why did they suddenly give their alibi once you were there?” Hotch asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “What did you say to them?” 

“I just told them that I knew they didn’t do anything and to clear up their alibi. And it’s true, we were at my house watching TV.” Reid said. 

Morgan narrowed his eyes. “Why would they come to your house all those nights? I get you’re friends but they must have other things to do. No offense, kid.” 

Spencer felt a slight flush creep up his neck. “I-uh-I don’t know, we just watch all the same shows.” 

“Wait a minute!” Morgan said, his face brightening. “Are you and them dating?!”

“I never said that!” Spencer said, feeling his blush grow deeper. 

“Look at you, Pretty Boy!” 

“What? What’s happening?” Garcia said, coming into the bullpen. 

“Pretty Boy here’s dating Y/N Y/L/N.” Morgan said. 

“Is that why you kept saying you didn’t want to join us for drinks? Because you were busy with them?!’ Garcia asked, her face growing happy. 

Reid flushed even darker and then burred his face in his hands. “Maybe.” He mumbled. 

“Ok, I trust your alibi, you can go let Y/N out of interrogation.” Hotch said. 

-

Y/N smiled as Spencer unlocked the handcuffs they were in. “Your friends no longer think that I’m a murderer?” They asked. 

“Nope. You are a free person.” Spencer said, smiling and offering his hand to help Y/N up. 

Y/N took his hand and followed him out of the room and towards the bullpen. A brightly dressed woman ran up to Y/N and Spencer who were waiting for the elevator. 

“You are Y/N! So nice to meet you! Well, I kinda already know about you since they thought you murdered a bunch of people. On behalf of the FBI I formally apologize.” She said, wrapping you in a hug. 

“Y/N, this is Garcia, Garcia, Y/N.” Spencer said. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Garcia.” Y/N said. 

“Reid!” A blonde woman called out from the doors to the bullpen. “While it would be nice for everyone to meet Y/N, if they didn’t kill those people, we need to know who did.” 

“Oh, yeah.” Spencer turned to Y/N. “Will you be ok?’ 

“I’ll be fine.” Y/N said. 

Glancing back at the two women, Spencer reached around and quickly hugged Y/N.

“I love you. I’ll see you later.” He said. 

“Love you too. Call me when you’re on your way home.” Y/N said, walking into the now waiting elevator. 

Spencer waved to them as the doors closed. 

“C’mon, kid, we have a job to do. Save those smiles for later.” Morgan called out. 

Back to work it was. 

Tags! (Open)

@rexorangecouny @magnificentmgg @rachelxwayne @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @andreasworlsboring101 @just-damn-bored @zhuzhubii @bxtchboy69 @averyhotchner @tylers-missing-car-radio

[demonic-ungaikyo-dragon]

Traumas and Confessions (tealer x frill) @waluigis-massive-fucking-tits @that-gay-crow

(Ok so i was originally gonna make this wholesome, but decided to make some angst at the beginning. Also im not a good writer so sorry if cringe. Also this si my first time writing angst)

It was a month after the "incident". An incident that changed everything.

A murder.

Tealerland closed, its doors probably never opening again. Left to rot. Forgotten.

And tealer could not help but feel disgusted at himself. He fully believed it was his fault.

He alongside the others, willow, frill and tacey, were moved underground so they would not suffer from vandalism.

But in reality they were put in there becuase of them. Not safety for them, but safety from them.

The corpse of the victim was found inside him. Or more like pulled from him. If tealer could vomit, he would have. He still remembers most of it...

Tealer opens his eyes, or well, activates them. He was under maintinence, and was getting checked up by one of the workers. Keyword was.

"Hm? Whats this?" He said to himself. He felt heavy. He also noticed something that caught him off guard.

The worker was nowhere to be seen, instead, he saw frill looking at him with something he never saw frill have.

Fear. Fear and disgust.

He then heard his voice. "Tealer, please." Frill said with Dont. Look. Down." Frill said with emphasis on every word. Tealer got scared, because he has had experiance with an angry frill, and seeing him like this scared him.

But tealer ignored him, and looked down.

Now he knew why he felt so heavy. He saw a very human looking arm sticking out of his stomach. He also noticed the blood on his fur.

Did he......?

Tealer started shaking, and felt like he was choking. He never felt this way what is happening?

"Tealer?" He could hear frill's voice. "Tealer!? TEALER!?" Frill screamed his voice multiples times. Each time he sounded further away. He then heard the sound of a door opening.

"TEALER!?"

"Tealer?"

...

"TEALER!!!!" "EEEEK" Tealer practically jumps and screeches. He then noticed where he was. 3 animatronicas were there with him. A wyvern, a smaller dragon holding a doll, and a mime treceratops.

Willow, tacey, and mischievous were looking at him worried.

"Tealer are you ok? You looked like you were spacing out." His younger brother, mischievous looked at him with worry.

"Huh? Oh im fine buddy!" Tealer tried acting happy to try to not worry them. "I feel better as ever! I was just thinking about good jokes to tell that is all!" Tealer said with a grin. The other 3 did not buy this at all.

"If you were thinking about jokes, you would have not screamed like that when i called you the 7th time." Willow said with a serious look on her face, which was rare. Tacey also looked serious.

"Are you really ok tealer? Be honest please." Tacey tried being as polite as she could. She alongside mischievous, did not want to see their elder brother hurt.

Tealer felt terrible, because he knew he was worrying them. But he did not want to worry them further. "Im serious! I really do fee-" he was interrupted when he felt a hand grab his shoulder. He looked behind him and saw frill looking at him with a face that meant business. Did he anger him again?

Frill looked at the other 3 "i need to speak with tealer in orivate. I hope you dont need him?" He says looking at willow.

"No, but please be careful with him, he just spaced out." Willow said. Tealer gave her a "what are you doing!?" Look, while frill glared at him.

"Come. Now." Frill says walking away. Tealer follows suit horrified.

"Did you have to tell frill that? He looked even more mad now." Mischievous asks willow. Willow looks at him.

"I know what im doing. Trust me."

Frill and tealer are currently in a supply closet. It was an udnerstatment to say the frill was angry.

Tealer was scared, because he knew what frill was going to say.

"S-so, W-what did you n-need?" Tealer was shaking.

"How many times did i tell you? How. Many. Tealer." Frill said with his arms crossed. "If you dont feel ok, come to me." Frill looked at tealer with a more calmer look.

"R-right. Sorry." He really did forget. But he did not want to worry frill.

"So, what happened?" Frill asked.

"I was thinking... about it." Tealer responded looking down at the floor.

"The... corpse?" Frill said with caution. Tealer nods. But then he says something that pisses frill off.

"My muerder victim..." tealer says looking down. He then hears loud footsteps and ths souns of armor. Frill was infront of him looking at him wirh anger.

"What did you say?"

Tealer shakes his head "i-im sorry i did not-" tealer winces as frill slams a hand in the wall beside him.

"Why are you apologizing!? ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!" Frill screamed. And tealer out of nowhere, felt angered.

He looks at frill angrily. "It IS my fault." Tealer says with a glare. "I dont even know why you even care for a murderer like me..."

"Stop that..." frill threatens tealer. "Dont say that. You know its no-"

"NO!" tealer pushes frill, knocking him to the ground. "I AM A MURDERER FRILL! A MURDERER! WHY YOU EVEN STILL CONSIDER ME A FRIEND IS WEIRD!" Tealer pants cause of his outburst. He then realized what he did.

Frill started standing up and tealer prepared for the worst. But what happened next will always be remembered by tealer.

Frill looked at him, and proceeded to hug him. Tealer was frozen in schock, he did not expect this. Before he could protest, frill spoke.

"Listen to me. Please." Frill said in a calming voice, something he never saw frill do towards him. Tealer could feel calmer in his embrace. "You are not the murderer. You were framed." Frill pulls out from the hug and teal saw that frill no longer had a angry look, but a sad one. Tealer took time to process what he said. This whole situation has tealer confused.

"By who?" Tealer asks, his anger gone.

Frill sighed, and the words he proceeds to say surprsie tealer.

"David artel." Frill said as if it was taboo. "He, was the one that killed him and... pushed the corpse inside you..." frill said with clear disgust.

"I-i-" tealer could not speak properly. He knew frill is not lying, frill would never lie about these things. But instead of feeling happy that he was not the murderer, he felt another way.

Betrayed. David, his creator, framed him for a murder.

"It hurts." Tealer said looking down. "I thought he cared about us. And this is what he does?" Tealer was not even mad, just dissapointed. But at the very least, tealer could be at some peace since he did not kill someone.

But something other than the incident has been bothering tealer.

Frill.

Tealer noticed that since the incident frill has been the one helping him. Yes the others did help him too, but frill has been since day one taking care of tealer. He was also the one that was there with him in the incident. Its not that he does not appreciate his help. He just never understood why.

Frill has been known to not be the nicest lizard. He is always serious or very strict. But when he is around tealer, he is very kind or calm with him.

In fact, he was the one helping tealer during panic attacks, as the others did not know what to do.

And so he took the chance that they were in private.

"Thank you frill. I really am grateful you told me this. But i still dont understand something." Tealer said looking at frill in the eyes. Frill raises an eyebrow.

"Why do you care so much about me?" At this question frill narrows his eyes. "O-oh i m sorry if that was out of line!" Tealer quickly apologized, and his fear returned.

"Its fine. In fact, im glad you asked." Frill said smiling a bit. "That was the reason why i was looking for you in the first place."

Frill looked at tealer in the eyes. "When we first performed together, i for some odd reason had my eyes on you. Seeing you happy, playing around with the children, laughing." Frill smiles as he remembers those moments. "Honestly, i thought you were to cute for your own good." Frill chuckles a bit. Tealer blushes like crazy, but he did not say anything so he did not interrupt frill.

"You really are an amazing dragon tealer. You always made the others smile, even me. Everyone here loves you." Frill then sighs. "So when i found you in that room, with the body inside you, i panicked. Not only did something horrific happen, you were hurt and blamed for something you did not do." Frill then scoffs. "Its an understatment to say i was angry when i found out it was david. I almost killed the bastard." So thats why david has not returned. Frill got him tealer thought. "I then noticed how this changed you. You were not always as happy as before, and dont pretend i have not heard you crying alone." Tealer lowers his head cause it was true. He did cry in secret.

"To be honest, i did not understand either why i cared so much about you. But yesterday i realized why." Frill approached tealer.

"Tealer. I love you."

Tealer, surprised beyond imagination, simply stood there looking at frill.

"Everytime you laughed or smiled, something inside me told me i must protect you. And soon i began seeing you in a different way. I wish to cherish you and your smile. I want to be the one to make you smile. And i want to be the one to help you in your darkests times." Frill then proceeds to kneel.

"Tealer, willl you let me be the lizard to make you happy?" Frill said looking at tealer.

Tealer begins to cry. "Frill i-" he does not how to respond, so he too kneels and proceeds to hug him. He then proceeds to sob. "Frill, *sniff*thank you. Thank you so much." Tealer, with teary eyes looks at frill with a smile.

"Let me be too the one to make you happy." Tealer says as a response to frill's earlier question.

Frill smiles like an excited child as his eyes to start to tear up. " Is this a yes!?" Frill says as his long tail begins to wag in excitement.

Tealer laughs at the sight. "*sniff* yes you dork!"

Frill then kisses tealer.

He widens his eyes and gives tealer an apologetic look. "Im sorry i just-" tealer kisses him back.

As they break the kiss tealer giggles. "Its fine. I liked it." They both stand up. Frill's tail was still wagging in happiness. "Look at you all happy. And then you say im the cute one!" Tealer give frill a playful jab. Frill laughs.

"Well sorry to break it to you jester, but you are the cuter one!" Frill says as he procedss to give a head pat to tealer. He then notices how tealer begins to wag his tail aswell. "Aha! You just proved my point!"

Tealer simply snuggles with frill. But they heard squeals from outside the door

"Mischievous, tacey! They are gonna find out!" Willow whispers.

"Sorry!" Tacey and mischievous apologize quietly.

Tealer and frill look at each other, and proceed to exit the room. They then saw tacey, mischievous and willow in the hallway. They both knew why they were there.

Frill sighs. "Let me guess, willow decided to spy on us and and ypu two joined." Frill said looking at the clown and mime. They both nod scared.

"Aww c'mon frilley, they were gonna find out soon enough!" Tealer said, making frill blush at the nickname. Then tealer looks at the other 3.

"Now then, may we know how long you were here?" Taler said crossing his arms and tapping his legs on the ground like a mad parent jokingly.

"We arrived when frill started his confession. And i have to say frill, you should become a romance writer!" Willow said giggling. Frill blushes even more with a now grumpy face.

"Oh you are buring at the stake today witch!" Frill with sword in hand, was about to charge at her when he felt someone grab his tail.

Tealer, gripping frill's tail, pulled him back. "If you attack her, no cuddle later." Tealer said in a fake angry tone. Frill gasps dramatically and then looks at willow.

"You are safe this time. But know that this is not the end." Frill sheaths his sword.

After that silence.

"So, want to play go fish? I found some cards earlier in one of the offices." Mischievous says trying to break the silence.

They all agree and proceed to go back to one of the offices. They noticed tealer and frill holding hands, and tried all they could not to squeal so they dont anger frill.

(Quick note: t lure and deterrent are not activated yet.)

[cherrybracelets]

Freefall

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

word count: 15.3k | warnings: smut!!!! alcohol mention, murder mention, rape mention, lots of typical cm violence! 

inspired by: its called freefall by rainbow kitten surprise (i highly recommend listening to this song before or during reading!)

Anyway, you say you’re too busy saving everybody else to save yourself / And you don’t want no help, oh well / That’s the story to tell

ok i have put my blood sweat and tears in this lamfkndksjfj this has been my wip for almost 3 weeks this is my entry for @veraiconcos​ fic challenge!! her prompt fit so perfectly with this fic so i am so excited to share it with you guys. this is by far my most challenging piece and the one i worked the longest on. i really hope you all love it, feedback is much appreciate. i am tagging some moots to signal boost this, i hope u dont mind 

Aaron- 

This woman killed my dad. They said you’d be able to help. Please find her. 

Aaron ran his fingertips over the letter one more time, feeling the depth of the pen, the engravement of each letter into the crisp stationary. He reread the words for a thousandth time, wondering if this time he could discover who actually sent the letter. But unfortunately, just like the past times, there was nothing to indicate who the sender was. The only other thing in the picture was a photograph of a young woman, the person Aaron believed was the murderer. Her face was mostly covered, and he was almost certain the short black bob that sat on her head was a wig. There was nothing about the photo that would help identify her, but on the back of the photo was a date- May 7th 2020, and a city, Sante Fe, NM.

He continued to stare at it, hoping some new information would pop out at him this time. But there was nothing, and he knew if he wanted to find whoever was responsible for this crime, he would need to involve the team. Whoever sent this clearly only wanted Aaron involved, even addressing him personally as Aaron and not Agent Hotchner.. Who could this person be? And who sent him Aaron’s way? 

“You’re here early,” JJ hesitated, walking through the doors of the BAU to begin her day.

“Yeah… I’ve got kind of a… thing?” Aaron stammered over his words, trying to decide how he should go about this. 

“What’s going on, Hotch?” 

“Come take a look at this. It was on my desk yesterday.” Hotch waved JJ over to him, holding the letter tightly in hands. He handed it to her hesitantly, still not feeling comfortable sharing with the rest of the team. It could be a prank, a practical joke, somebody just trying to waste his time. But how did it find it’s way onto his desk? Who would be messing with him like this? 

“Was there an envelope?” JJ asked, staring at the words on the paper. 

“Yes, addressed to me, but no return address. It seems like it was hand delivered.” 

“The handwriting looks like a teenagers, how would he have made it all the way from New Mexico?”

“Maybe somebody else delivered it?”

Aaron and JJ’s attention was quickly taken away when Spencer and Derek walked through the doors, their loud voices cracking through the quiet air of the BAU. They were arguing about something pointless, as they usually did. Aaron felt his head throbbing as the day started to begin, unsure of how much longer he’d be able to make it without some strong coffee. 

“JJ, keep this between us for now. I’ll bring it to Garcia, see if she can find anything worth investigating. I don’t want to bring it to the team unless I’m sure we have a case.” 

“Understood.” JJ smiled kindly at him, a look he was all too familiar with. Ever since Haley died, it felt like everyone was constantly walking on eggshells around him. Everyone felt bad, and they did whatever he asked without complaint. From a boss standpoint, it was nice, not having to argue your decisions to your team. But, they were more than his team. They were his friends, and he felt he lost them the same day he lost Haley. 

Aaron greeted Spencer and Derek quickly, not wanting to get pulled into whatever discussion they were having. He was holding onto the letter tightly, afraid of losing it. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he just had a feeling about it. Like he had stumbled onto something huge, and whatever Garcia could find out would lead them to something unbelievable. 

“Hey, Garcia. Any chance I could have you work on something… private, for now?” Aaron stood in the doorway of her office, all of the bright screens making him wince. His headache was only getting worse as the day went on. 

“Of course, sir. Is everything okay?” She looked worried, for sure hoping that whatever secret task she was performing for him had nothing to do with Haley. Although he knew she would never say anything, he could tell she was worried about him. 

“I need you to check deaths in Santa Fe, NM from May 5th - May 9th. Specifically look for men with teenage sons.”

“Just homicides?” 

“No, any deaths. And see if you find anything suspicious.”

“Alright…” Penelope said, furrowing her brows in confusion. “It might take a bit. Santa Fe’s a big city.”

“Just get back to me when you can, Garcia.” Aaron smiled slightly at the technical analyst, before leaving quietly. His head was begging him for caffeine, or Advil, or a drink, even though it was barely 9 in the morning. 

He walked quietly back to his office, not talking to any of his team, closing the door behind him as he got inside. There was a sick feeling in his stomach, most likely caused by the cigarette he snuck this morning on an empty stomach. He paced uncomfortably, dry swallowing an Advil he found in the back of his desk drawer. He knew it would take Garcia a while

to get his information, but he was feeling exceptionally frustrated and impatient. He started to walk towards the door, feeling the need to to pester his analyst to work quicker, but as he opened it, JJ stood pleasantly in the door. 

“We got a case, boss,” she smiled, waving an envelope in the air. 

“Alright, let’s get to the conference room.” Aaron closed the door to office, following his Agent into the annex. He felt sick as he took his seat, not ready for whatever horror was about to be presented. Some days he felt like giving up, like throwing in the towel. He has given this job everything he had, and what did he get in return? 

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Aaron and the team left an hour later for their newest destination, solving the case within 3 days. They were headed back to DC on the jet when he got a call from Garcia. It was rare she would call him personally if they were not working a case, so he knew it must’ve been about the letter. He waited a moment before answering, anxious about what her news could be. What if she found nothing, and this was the end of the line? 

“Hello, sir. I wanted to call as soon as I could.” She sounded nervous, a tone of confusion in her voice. 

“What’s going on, Garcia?” 

“Well, it’s about the letter. I found something… interesting.” 

“Do you think we could have a case?”

“It’s a high possibility, sir.” 

“Alright. Can you patch into the computer and share with the team. I’d like to bring them in on this as well.”

“Sounds good, see you in a moment.”

Aaron hung the phone up, walking back to the main part of the jet and back to the rest of the team. They were spread out, all enjoying the calming feeling of a solved case. Spencer and JJ were sleeping, Emily and Derek both with headphones in and Rossi reading a book. He hated to bother them, hated to disturb their peace they all deserved. But that was the job- there was no peace. They all had to endure constant chaos so that innocent people didn’t have to. 

Aaron turned on the lights of the jet, alarming his team and causing several groans of frustration. 

“What’s going on, Hotch?” Emily asked in desperation, her eyes squinting as they adjusted to the light. 

“I’m sorry to bother everyone, but I think we might have a new case.” Aaron looked around the room, slowly watching the faces of his friends change from their relaxed state to the intensity of a profiler. 

“Is this about… the thing from a few days ago?” JJ asked quietly, not wanting to bring it up if it wasn’t the case. 

“The letter, yes.” 

“Hello, my sleepy friends. I am sorry to bother you, but I have stumbled across something interesting that I believe requires your attention. Uh, Hotch… would you like to…” she trailed off, looking around for her superior to explain how they ended up here. 

“I received a letter a few days ago… someone asking us to look into the death of their father. It was anonymous, there was a picture along with it but it still wasn’t enough to do much on my own. So, I handed over what I had to Garcia and…” Aaron trailed off, realizing now he hadn’t even asked Penelope what she got before bringing the rest of the team in. 

“I guess that’s where I come in. So, as per our humble leader, I searched for deaths of men on the given dates with teenage sons, and as I expected, that list was quite large.” 

“Why teenage sons?” Derek asked, still trying to fill in the gaps of information. 

“The letter was clearly written by a young boy, no older than 16 was my guess,” JJ added, explaining her conclusion to the team. 

“Garcia, were you able to narrow down the list?” Aaron asked, desperately wanting to know what she found. 

“Well, I got rid of anyone whose death was expected. People who were sick or in the hospital, with underlying medical conditions, et cetera et cetera. Once we narrowed it down to deaths that were true accidents, I had a list of three.” 

“How do we know this isn’t just a prank?” Rossi asked. It was a fair question, a question he frequently asked himself as well. 

“Ah, well, if it was a prank I wouldn’t have found out what I did…” 

“That looks like the face of someone who’s about to tell me I’m not going home tonight,” Derek laughed, turning to Emily, who rolled her eyes. 

“Unfortunately it does seem like there’s a case here. One of the men that I flagged as ‘Could Be A Murder Victim’ has a… bad past.” One thing that Aaron always admired about Penelope is how she always managed to speak with such lightness, no matter how heavy the content of her words. “42-year old Derek Hood was killed on May 7th, ruled as an accidental drug overdose. There was some chatter that it may have been suicide, but there was no note and the family insisted he wouldn’t have killed himself.” 

“So what makes you think it was murder?” Spencer asked.

“Alright, get this. Our man Jason was on trial two years ago for the rape of three different 16 year old girls. It was declared a mistrial, unfortunately, after all three of the girls refused to testify at his trial.”

“Is it possible he threatened them? This could be a revenge killing, if that was the case,” Emily added. 

“Ah, I thought that too, my friend. But all three of the girls are now in college and far, far away from Sante Fe. So, that was kind of a dead end.”

“What about the parents?” Aaron questioned. 

“We think alike, sir. All three of their families still reside in Santa Fe, and three weeks before Jason’s death, all three couples withdrew $15,000 cash from their banks. One family stated it was for a pool, the other for a car, and the last family stated it was for bathroom renovations.” 

“Were any of those projects completed, Garcia?” 

“To the best of my knowledge, no.” 

“So this is what I think it is, then,” Rossi asked, looking up towards Aaron for confirmation. 

“It’s most likely a hitman, yes.” Aaron looked around at his team, a feeling of worry drowning him. Hitmen were exceptionally dangerous, and so were the routes to get to them. It was an extremely well protected underground business, and the chances of catching one successfully, with no one hurt, were very slim. 

“Wait, but our unsub is a woman. The photo very clearly showed a female, and even in the letter, the boy addresses her as ‘This woman.’” 

“Could we see the picture, Garcia?” Aaron asked, staring at the monitor as he awaited the photo. 

“Maybe they’re dressing as a woman to distract any possible witnesses?” Rossi added. The photo then popped up on the monitor, the same hidden person that was ingrained in Aaron’s brain. He couldn’t forget her, her shielded face, cheap wig, perfect body… 

“That is definitely a woman, guys. You can’t fake that body…” Derek laughed, causing a wave of eye rolls and a slight shove of disgust from Emily. 

“A female hitman… that is exceptionally rare.” 

“Maybe she’s killing for justice? I mean, Jason was a piece of shit. And he somehow got away with his crimes, maybe this is punishment,” Derek added, always the first to try to come up with some sort of explanation. 

“Why would she charge the parents almost fifty grand, though? That clearly makes it about money,” Emily rebutted. 

“Garcia, is there any way we can find out who they gave that money too?” Aaron asked, hoping for a quick and easy answer, but he knew nothing was easy at this job. 

“Since they took it out in cash, there’s no way to trace it, sir.” 

“We’ll need to talk to the parents.” 

“They won’t say anything, you know how that goes,” JJ said. 

“We’ll target one of them, whichever is the most unstable. Promise them immunity. That usually works in situations like this.” Aaron looked at the team, noticing how tired they were. He knew how bad they needed to go home, sleep in their own beds, wash their hair with something other than hotel shampoo. But this was big, he could feel it. And they probably did, as well. It was their life, they were all aware of how crazy this career path could be. But, just because he knew that, it didn't make it any easier on Aaron when he had to push them to their limit.  “We need to turn the plane around to Santa Fe. If this person is local, it’s best that we’re on the scene.” 

“Can we at least stop home so I can get some new clothes?” JJ groaned, looking at the team in desperation for support. 

“Fine. Can we be back in the air in two hours?” 

“We can make that work,” Spencer agreed. 

“Alright. Thanks, guys.” 

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Santa Fe was hot. The kind of hot that made it impossible to breathe, and your clothes felt like they had melted into your skin. Aaron could feel his skin on fire, burning hotter and hotter as he stood under the desert sun. Emily stood next to him, glistening in a thin layer of sweat. The two of them stared closely at a house across the street, taking in every detail. 

“You ready?” Emily asked, her voice cracking through the quiet air like a whip. 

“Uh… yeah,” Aaron stuttered, his brain feeling off. He had a feeling whoever this person was, she wasn’t in Sante Fe. This was a big operation that they had stumbled upon, and he had a bad feeling about the way it would end up. 

Aaron followed Emily to the door, feeling exceptionally guilty as they entered the front yard of a family whose lives had been destroyed- and all they were there to do was destroy them further. He knew they only did what they did to avenge their daughter- and he understood. Sometimes he wondered if he should’ve done the same thing with Foyet.

“Are you alright, Hotch? I don’t mean to overstep, but you don’t seem like yourself,” Emily questioned, stopping in her tracks before they made their presence  known to the family. 

“Just have a bad feeling about this one, I guess,” he responded, rubbing his head with his thumb and forefinger. “Let’s get this over with…” 

“Aye aye, sir.” 

The two of them walked to the front door of the small house, knocking slightly quietly on the white painted wood of the door. An older man opened the door, immediately tensing up as he saw the two of them. They looked like Agents- or at the very least, local detectives, and the man was pretty quick to understand why they were there. 

“Are you Bradley Mathis?” Emily asked, standing a few inches in front of Aaron, clearly trying to take the lead on this. It was probably for the best, since his head was not on right today. In all honesty, his head hadn’t been on right since Foyet. 

“Who are you?” Bradley asked defensively, crossing his arms across his chest and backing away from the door. 

“Mr. Mathis, I want to assure you that if you cooperate with us, there will be no trouble. We understand you did everything to protect your daughter, and we aren’t looking for trouble. We just want to find the person who did this for you.” As Aaron spoke, he realized how scary this must be for him. His daughter was brutally attacked, they found the man that hurt her, and then he threatened her into silence so he could walk free. If it had happened to Aaron’s kid, he would’ve killed the son of a bitch with his own bare hands. 

“You promise me nothing will happen to me?” He asked defensively, his eyes darting nervously across the room.

“I never met her, okay. I swear,” he responded in relief, as if he’d been waiting for the moment he could finally tell somebody. It was exhausting caring around those kinds of secrets. “I got her info from a friend. You go to the website, submit your claim, and she’ll send an assistant out to decide if she’ll take you on as a client. If she decides to help you, you’ll give half the money up front, and half upon proof of… death,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he spoke the words.

“That’s pretty standard practice for what she is…” Emily added. 

“How did you find her website?” Aaron asked, wanting to leave this man in peace as quickly as possible. 

“There’s some… tricks to finding her. Give me one second,” he said, turning around quickly and darting to another room. Emily reached for her gun defensively, but Aaron put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. 

“He won’t run.” 

“How do you know? He has every reason to dart.” 

“I just know. He’ll be back. Trust me.” Aaron looked to his Agent, kindly suggesting but also ordering her to relax. She nodded, crossing her arms as the pair waited for Bradley. As Aaron suspected, he came back a few minutes later with a beat up piece of paper. 

“Someone I know from the support group gave me this. It’s how to contact her.” He handed them a brochure that was in pretty bad shape, but still legible enough to understand where to go. From the outside, it looked like a brochure for a dental surgery. But there were certain words highlighted, most likely by whoever gave Bradley this in the first place. It mapped out clear instructions on how to contact this mystery vigilante. 

“That’s all I know. I swear.” 

“I believe you,” Aaron responded, noticining the calmness flooding over Bradley’s face as Aaron spoke. “You can never tell anybody this, do you understand?” 

Bradley nodded, his mouth glued shut as the reality of the situation finally weighed on him. He noticed the guns holstered to Emily and Aaron’s hips, and quickly shut the door, no goodbye’s needed. 

“If she’s sending people to meet potential clients before she meets them, she isn’t local,” Emily put together, shaking her head in shock as the pair walked back to their car. 

“No, she’s not. Which means we need to get back on the plane ASAP. Send this over to Garcia, I’ll call the team and tell them to meet us back at the jet.” 

“Sounds good.” 

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“Hello, angels. Are you ready for all the answers to your prayers?” Garcia’s voice popped through the stiff air of the jet, breaking through the harsh waters like a ray of sunshine. 

“Were you able to find her, Garcia?” 

“Of course, sir. Our girl is fancy. You need five grand upfront just to meet with her. Her website looks like it was designed for a five star hotel. She is legit.” 

“Can we actually find her, Penelope?” Aaron had raised his voice slightly, frustration starting to set in. He just wanted this to be over, he wanted to bring her in and end this. 

“Yes, yes. Sorry. Our girl goes by the name Ananke.” 

“That’s not very intimidating,” Derek laughed, shaking his head as he sat back in his chair. 

“Well, kind of. Ananke is a greek goddess, specifically known as one of the most powerful deity’s to control fate and circumstance. It’s pretty fitting, giving what she does.” 

“The only way to meet her is to submit an appointment request, which is easier said than done. She has a legit system, requires a birth certificate, social security number, and a license or passport.”

“And five G’s,” JJ added. 

“Can we create fake documents and submit them? Maybe have someone undercover go meet her.” 

“I’ll do it. This has been my case from the beginning, I’d like to end it as well,” Aaron said, assuring his team he would finish this. 

“I can get everything made up and submitted before you land.” 

“Is there any way to figure out where she’s located?” 

“Unfortunately not at the moment. I am still digging though, it’s possible I missed something.” 

“Thanks, Garcia. We’ll see you soon.” 

The team made some more small talk after that, realizing there wasn’t much they could do unless they had a location. Aaron’s head was beginning to throb again, absolute exhaustion overcoming him as he sat down and let himself relax for the first time in days. He missed Jack, he missed the comfort of his own bed, the smell of his cheap laundry detergent. He realized he was digging his nails into his palms, his flesh barely intact as he released his tension. 

The rest of his team had broken up into their own conversations, ignoring the crumbling mess that was Aaron Hotchner. He walked to the bathroom quietly, snooping through the cabinets and finding a small bottle of vodka. He downed it quickly, letting the liquor burn the back of his throat and take his mind off of everything else. Even if it was for a moment, the distraction was welcomed, and almost necessary for him to keep going. 

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It was two full days- almost forty eight hours exactly- when they finally heard back from Ananke. She had agreed to meet with ‘Zachary Wilson’ who was looking for revenge against the drunk driver that killed his wife. And to the whole team’s surprise, it appeared that she was located in DC. Ananke herself said she would meet him, stating that she was ‘in the area’. 

The address she gave them appeared to be a popular nightclub in college town, one that Aaron had unfortunately been dragged to on multiple occasions. The team agreed that Aaron should meet her alone, the team standing outside to come in if necessary. She wanted to meet him on a Friday night, which meant the place would be flooded with innocent civilians. It was safest if they stayed out of it, at first. 

By the time Friday rolled around, Aaron had barely eaten in days. He was staying alive on coffee, tylenol, and mini bottles of vodka he could keep in his pockets. Oh, and the occasional cigarette was a necessity as well. He had waited anxiously for what felt like weeks to meet her. This case had been weighing on him since the moment he received that letter, and he wanted it to be over. He wanted the anxiety and the chaos to be over. But, once they solved this one, there would just be another after, and the cycle of chaos and anxiety begins all over again. 

“I hope you know you can't dress like that,” JJ said, teasing Aaron with a light shove as she walked past him. 

“Why?” 

“It’s… a business suit, Hotch. And you're going to a nightclub. It screams Fed.” 

Aaron looked down at himself, realizing JJ was right. His vibes screamed ‘Cop’, and that was exactly what he did not want. 

“Don’t worry, sir. I have something you can borrow from my go bag,” Derek suggested. 

“Hotch in Derek’s clothes? That’s something I’ll pay good money to see,” Emily laughed, JJ giggling alongside her as Derek rolled his eyes and threw clothes at the two of them. 

“You think these will work?” Derek asked the girls, not bothering with Aaron’s opinion. 

“Oh, it’s perfect. Hotch will love these,” they laughed, neatly folding the clothes and handing them to Aaron. He walked away in silence, heading towards his office so he could change. The clothes weren’t a perfect fit, but they were better than his suit. The shirt was way too tight, with a v-neck that was way too deep. His arms felt like they would rip right through the cheap cotton, and his ass felt like it was going to bust straight out of the denim. 

He began to walk out of the office quietly, hoping that the rest of the team wouldn’t be waiting for his fashion show. But as he figured, they were standing by patiently for him to show off in Derek’s way too tight clothes. As soon as he opened the door, a riot of laughs and cat calls surrounded him. He felt himself blushing, which was something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

“Damn, Hotch. Where have you been hiding those arms?” Derek laughed, his voice echoing through Aarons head. 

“I think we need to start casual Friday,” Spencer added, staring in awe at his boss. 

“Alright, enough guys. This is a serious case, and I need everyone to be on their best behavior.” 

“I’m not sure I can act right with you walking around like that,” Rossi joked, causing the rest of the team to burst out with laughter. Aaron just rolled his eyes, secretly appreciating the light that they all brought to his life. 

“Alright, you guys ready to go?” 

“All set. Let’s go catch a killer, sir.” 

The ride to the club was a bit of a hike, a little over thirty minutes by the time they parked. They were split in two cars, seperated to cover both entrances. The plan was for him to go in and assess the situation, hoping he can get her out without harming any bystanders. If he needed backup, he had an alarm he could trigger that would alert the rest of the team to come in. It was a simple plan, one they had executed a thousand times in the past. But despite that, he felt extremely anxious. 

“Are you ready, Aaron?” Rossi asked, raising his eyebrows in concern. 

“Yeah, let’s get this over with. Stay alert, guys.” Aaron walked out of the car and to the entrance of the club, staring directly at the large bouncer standing in front of the door. He was given very specific instructions on what to see when he approached the man, ones that would deliver him directly to Ananke and avoid having to deal with the actual club. 

“You on the list?” The bouncer asked as Aaron approached, not even bothering to look up from his clipboard. 

“I’m here to see… A,” he whispered, looking around frantically to see if anyone else heard. 

“You got your ID and confirmation number?” He asked, setting his clipboard down and staring intensely at Aaron. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s 73491. And here’s my drivers license,” he responded, handing him the forged Virginia license of one Zachary Wilson. 

“Zachary Wilson…” the man whispered, making Aaron sick to his stomach as he awaited the man to deny him and send him away, ruining his chances of finding her forever. “You’re gonna go in this door, right here,” he said, pointing towards a hidden and seemingly locked door to his right. “Take the stairs all the way up, knock on the door twice. She’ll be right with you.” 

“Thank you,” he responded, relieved as he began to walk past the guard and towards his end goal. 

“Oh, and Zachary,” the man added, causing Aaron to turn around in confusion. 

“Remember: lei è dalla nostra parte,” he said, a smile creeping on his face as he spoke. Aaron recognized the language as Italian, but he couldn’t translate what he was saying. The bouncer turned around before Aaron had the chance to ask what he meant, but he figured it would just be better to move on and go directly to her. 

He slowly opened the door, unsure of what he would find on the other side. To his surprise, it was only an exceptionally narrow staircase in a small hallway, leading directly to another gray door. The sound of fluorescent lights buzzed in the air, making Aaron dizzy as he walked up the steep steps. He remembered what the man said- knock twice. He also remembered the phrase in Italian, lei è dalla nostra parte. And when he finally got to the door, he began to unravel the words in his head. He knocked twice, replaying the words over and over. And when he finally heard the door click open, he understood what the man had meant. She is on our side. 

“Zachary?” A man asked, opening the door slightly, only enough to peak out at him. 

“Yes. I’m here to see-” 

“Ananke. Of course,” he interrupted, swinging the door open and revealing an exceptionally beautiful and ornate room. Aaron walked in slowly, in a daze, his eyes not sure where to look as every piece of the room exceptionally thought out. There was a beautiful chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the light reflecting rainbows from the crystals. 

“She will be with you shortly. Feel free to have a seat somewhere. Can I get you anything to drink?” 

Aaron felt like he was at a hotel, the service impeccable as he sat down on the incredibly comfortable and probably very expensive couch. Most hit men he had met with did not present themselves like this. Whoever she was, she had a lot of money. In that moment, he wondered how many lives she had taken- how many people finally got what they deserved. And for a brief and frightening moment, he wondered if she was doing things right? 

His thoughts were interrupted when she walked out. Not only did he lose his train of thought, but his breath was literally ripped from his chest. She was no longer covering her face, or wearing a wig. She had finally revealed herself to him, and he was in awe. She was absolutely stunning- beautiful to a level that made his head spin and his heart cramp up. He stood up instinctively, feeling the need to stand and greet her face to face. As she walked closer, he felt his throat getting tighter and tighter. 

“Hello,” she spoke, her words floating through the air like a flower in the spring wind. “I’m Ananke.” 

“Mhmm, he,” he stuttered, sticking his hand out to shake hers. “I’m…” he choked, unable to get his words out. 

“Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, right?” She smiled, and Aaron instinctively reached for his gun. 

“Put your weapon away, Aaron. I’m no threat to you,” she instructed, and he complied. For some reason, he believed her. She had no intention of hurting him or anyone else in this building. He didn’t need his weapon. 

“How do you know who I am?” 

“The FBI has a list of Social Security numbers they regularly use for fake documents. It’s… a hard list to get your hands on. I’m lucky I have friends in high places.” 

“So you knew who I was from the minute I submitted my application?” He was shocked, a sick feeling washing over him. Who was she? How was she consistently one step ahead of them? 

“I’m sorry to break your sense of superiority, agent. It hurts when someone is smarter than you, doesn't it?” She tilted her head at him, a devilish grin pasted across her face. He wanted to hate her, he wanted to be angry, but all he could focus on was the fire burning inside of him and the hunger building itself, the craving overcoming her. Her skirt revealed a little too much of her thigh and her shirt was a little too low cut and the thought of her flesh on his rippled its way through his body. 

“Well, we found you and I’m going to arrest you, so it doesn’t seem like you came out on top here,” he responded, avoiding eye contact as he tried to get his impure thoughts out of his head. 

“Agent Hotchner, something you will quickly learn is that I only come on top.” She winked at him, pursuing her lips slightly and smiling. She held her wrists out to him, walking towards him until she was only inches away. “Are you going to arrest me, Agent?” 

Aaron reached for the cuffs in his back pocket, pulling them out slowly and staring directly at her. She didn't take his eyes off of him, standing tall as he began to cuff her. Her hands were soft, almost comical as they brushed against his rough and untouched skin. He didn’t speak, and neither did she. He just closed the cuffs on her, her large eyes staring up at him like a doe. He felt dizzy again, the intoxicating smell of her perfume, the subtle hints of berries and vanilla surrounding him in a whirlwind. 

He slowly grabbed his phone from his pocket, trying to dial Rossi’s number, feeling drunk as he pressed the button. What was wrong with him? And what was wrong with her? Why would she willingly let herself get arrested so easily? That was the problem. This was exceptionally easy. Nothing was ever this easy. 

“Hey, Rossi. I got her. We’re coming down now.” 

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Aaron wasn’t surprised that she remained silent the entire car ride back to Quantico. What he was surprised by is that she didn’t appear nervous or angry. She sat calmly, staring out the window, her body relaxed and her lips forming the slightest smile. It made him angry- he didn’t understand her nonchalance. 

They tried to talk to her, ask her for her real name, about her crimes- but she would just look at them, tilting her head and smiling before bringing her gaze back outside. When they finally arrived back at the Bureau, she turned towards Aaron and Rossi, slowly speaking her first words in over thirty minutes. 

“Am I allowed a phone call?” She asked, staring directly at Aaron, as if it was only the two of them in the car. For a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire world. 

“Who exactly would you like to call?” Rossi smirked, rolling his eyes, trying to get Aaron to look at him. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from her. He was drawn to her like a sailor at sea, listening to the sweet song of the siren. He understood, now, why the sailors always swam to their death. It was because it was so damn beautiful. 

“I’d like to speak with the Director,” she insisted, her eyes finally releasing Aaron from his hypnosis as she looked in disgust at Rossi. He could sense the shift in her tone as she looked at the agent- she had built up a terrifying exterior that she had on display for most people. But when she looked at Aaron, the wall somehow didn’t exist. Why would she show her true self to a stranger? What was it about him that she was drawn too? Could she sense his pain? Did she know that he understood why she did what she did? That he, too, had felt the rush of ending evil with his own two hands? 

“The Director? Of the FBI?” Rossi asked, shocked at her absurd request. “What exactly would you like to speak to him about?” 

“I just think he’d be interested to know I’m here,” she spoke, calmly, sitting back in the seat of the car and looking out the window again. 

“This girl is nuts…” Rossi whispered to Aaron before getting out of the car and grabbing ‘Ananke’ from the back seat. Aaron followed closely behind, his eyes locked on Rossi’s tight grip around her flesh. He could see the marks his agent was leaving behind, his fingertips dug into her arm. It made him sick. The thought of anyone harming her made him sick. But she was the bad guy- he was supposed to hate her, to send her away and avenge all of the lives she took. Why did he want to save her so bad? Grab her from Rossi, hop in the car and take her away from all of this. It didn’t make sense, the way he felt. And Aaron hated it- he hated feeling out of control of his own thoughts- his own desires. 

As they brought her into the BAU, the rest of the team following behind, he immediately noticed something was off when he walked through the doors. The rest of the team must have noticed as well, because they all kind of stopped in their tracks as they walked in. 

Derek noticed her first, pacing back and forth in Aaron’s office. 

“Strauss,” he groaned, rolling his eyes at the sight of her. 

“What is she doing here?” JJ asked, crossing her arms and tensing up. 

“I’m not sure. I’ll go find out. Rossi, can you bring her into the interrogation room? Spencer, try and get something out of her,” Aaron instructed his team, watching them seperate and do their assigned tasks as he walked up to his office. When he got closer, he noticed the Director was also there as well. He got a sick feeling in his stomach, remembering his immediate thoughts when he first arrested Ananke. It’s never this easy. 

He opened his office door with shaking hands, immediately slapped in the face with tension clinging to the air. The Director stood up as he entered, and Strauss stopped pacing. 

“Aaron,” she whispered, her eyes darting nervously around the room. 

“Erin,” he smirked, not sure why his brain was choosing this moment to crack jokes. 

“It’s good to see you, Agent Hotchner. It’s been a while,” the Director said. 

“Chris. It’s good to see you as well. Can I ask what you’re doing in my office?” 

The two of them looked nervously at each other, as if deciding who had to tell him the unspoken secret. The first thought in his brain was that Foyet was back. He killed him, though. He remembered the life draining out of him. He couldn’t be back. He felt his body get hot, his breathing picking up as he remembered Foyet’s face… 

“Aaron… unfortunately, we’re going to need you to let (Y/N) go.” 

“Who?” He asked bluntly, confused at the name he was sure he had never heard before. Although his brain was still spinning, he was feeling calmer knowing whatever this was, it wasn’t about Foyet. 

“Ananke. You need to release her,” Strauss clarified, her voice equally annoyed and apologetic. 

“I’m sorry… I’m confused.” Aaron was realizing now how much easier it was to hate Ananke - or (Y/N) - when she wasn't right in front of him. He couldn’t see her, she couldn’t lure him in. Her spell had broken. “I know for a fact she killed at least one person. I’m not releasing her.” 

“Aaron, this goes beyond you. She is no longer a person of interest.” Chris had raised his voice, clearly frustrated at whatever was happening. 

“You can’t just take away my unsub and not tell me why. Do you think my team will be okay with that? Do you think I’ll be okay with that?” Aaron was angry, the thought of them taking her away with no reason making him crazy. 

“Agent Hotchner, there are some secrets within the Bureau that even you don’t know about.” 

“I don’t accept that.” 

Chris and Strauss looked defeated, both accepting that they won’t win this battle. Chris shook his head slightly and closed his eyes, contemplating his words. 

“What is going on, Strauss?” Aaron begged, the room beginning to spin again, his body craving the sweet release of nicotine and the bitter taste of vodka. 

“Your unsubs real name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She is a government protected assassin.” 

“What?” Aaron’s head was spinning, the room around him dancing in circles as the words floated through his mind. That couldn’t be real. There was no way the place he worked, that he believed upheld justice, would do something so… unjust. So immoral. They had to be lying. “It’s not possible. We met the man that paid her to kill someone. She was paid by a civilian to kill a civilian.” 

“She sometimes takes on… side projects,” Chris muttered, clearly knowing his words would upset Aaron. 

“And you allow that?” He yelled, his body fuming with anger as he paced around his office. It didn't make sense. Everything he had ever believed in was crumbling right before his eyes- all because of her. 

“With the things she has done for us, Aaron, there is a little bit of lenience. Besides, Jason was a bad person, anyways.” 

“That doesn’t make it okay. We have a justice system in place for a reason.” He felt sick, the realization that a system he protected for so long was seeping with corruption. 

“Did Foyet get his chance for trial? Or did the justice system not count for him?” Strauss looked at him sternly, frustration written on her face. Aaron realized she was right. He took justice into his own hands with Foyet, and he didn’t regret it. How was she doing anything different? For a moment, nothing made sense to Aaron. His entire belief system had shattered right in front of him. He was speechless, his brain splashing around trying to find the right words to express his disbelief. But he was coming up empty, drawing blanks. There was truly nothing he could say that could capture how he felt. He just thought of her, the sweet smell of berries that lingered in her hair, the softness of her skin, the enticing aura that surrounded her when she looked at him. 

“What am I supposed to tell my team?” He thought out loud. 

“We’ll handle it. Let’s go out and talk to them now,” Chris instructed, walking out of the office and down towards the annex. Rossi noticed the three of them and quickly walked up to Chris, greeting him. 

“Could you gather your team for me?” The director asked, Aaron still unsure of how he would explain this to them. Rossi grabbed everyone pretty quickly, dragging Spencer from the interrogation room, which Aaron could only imagine was going very poorly. 

“Hello everyone, I’m sorry to bother you all, but the unsub you brought in today is a person of interest in several international crimes. She’s been on our watch list for a while, now, and we’re going to have to hand her over to interpol.” The Directors words were quick and precise, leaving no room for anyone to second guess him. Even Aaron was convinced they weren’t going to release her the minute they were alone. 

“What has she done?” JJ questioned, intrigued at the mystery international criminal they brought in. 

“It’s classified, Agent. And if you don’t mind, we’d like to get out of here rather quickly. If someone could grab her, please,” he ordered, causing Spencer to quickly walk to the room she was in and bring her back out to them. 

She was smirking widely as she walked out, clearly knowing her freedom was inevitable. He had so many questions for her, so much he needed to know, but he had to keep his mouth shut. She was slipping right through his fingers, and he had only just begun to know her. 

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. I know how much you enjoyed seeing me in handcuffs,” she whispered to him as she passed by, winking seductively before being taken away by the Director and Strauss. 

Aaron felt miserable as she walked away, the three of them heading into the elevator and away from him forever. She now felt only like a ghost, a distant memory fading away as more time went by without her. The team moved on from the loss in a matter of minutes, but Aaron stood there, frozen in place, waiting desperately for her to come back. 

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Five days. He was able to wait five days before he went to see her. He tried so desperately to forget about her- it seemed everyone else had. But she seeped into his dreams, tossing and turning as he tried to sleep, her voice, her face, her body, calling to him. He needed to see her again, just to ask her why. He wouldn’t sleep ever again if he didn’t. 

So, five days after she walked away, he waited until Jack was asleep, explained to Jessica that he had some paperwork to take care of, and headed to see her. His brain continuously tried to tell him it was a bad idea. He should turn around, go home, and forget her. But he knew it was easier said than done. This was the only way. 

When he got to the club, he noticed the same bouncer from before was sitting outside the door. Aaron felt a bit relieved, hoping the man would recognize him and he could lie his way up to (Y/N)’ door. 

“Hey, man,” he said casually, trying to sound as calm and not suspicious as possible. 

“Can I help you?” The man grunted, clearly not amused by Aaron’s attempt to be friendly. 

“I’m here to see A. We met a few days ago, I need to drop my money off,” he whispered, praying to whatever God was listening that this guy would believe his story. 

“A isn’t supposed to be meeting anyone tonight,” he groaned, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Aaron could tell it was a long shot, but he had to do whatever he could to see her. 

“Call her. She’ll tell you,” he stuttered, looking anxiously at the large man standing between him and (Y/N). It was possible he could take him down if he had to, Aaron thought. It would be a hell of a fight, but he’d brought down bigger men. He shifted instinctively, trying to casually feel his hip and make sure he was still armed. 

The man pulled out a small phone that appeared to be very old- most likely a burner they used to communicate. He dialed a number quickly and stared at Aaron, as if hoping his boss would give him the go ahead to kick Aaron’s ass. 

“Hey, it’s me. Some guy is here to see you. Said you talked earlier today. Can you check the cams,” he asked, trying to speak quietly, but Aaron was still able to hear every word. He waited patiently for her response, trying to keep his face calm. 

“Alright, thanks A.” He hung the call up and placed the phone in his pocket, taking as long as possible to give Aaron his answer. It felt like hours, excruciating pain as he waited for his fate. 

“You’re clear to go.”

Aaron was almost positive she would send him away. If she had cameras, she knew it was him. Why would she allow him to come up? Did she want to see him, too? 

He knew if he stood there any longer contemplating the situation, he would look suspicious. So despite all of his common sense warning him that something was wrong, he walked through the secret door and up the narrow staircase, knocking twice at her door and awaiting to enter her world. 

He was greeted by the same man from earlier, who was smiling brightly as he opened the door and let him in. He offered him another drink, which Aaron politely declined, finding a seat on one of the couches and unable to sit still as he waited for her. 

She left him waiting for quite a while. Although it felt like hours of agony for Aaron, his watch assured him he had only been waiting around twenty minutes by the time she finally greeted him. She was wearing a short red dress, golden heels wrapped around her feet as she floated towards him, smiling devilishly as she poured herself a drink. 

“It’s nice to see you again, Agent,” she teased, taking a sip of her liquor of choice and taking a seat across from him. 

“I needed to talk to you.” 

“About what?” She tilted her head, soft lips creating a pout of confusion as she stared at him. 

“You knew I was going to arrest you the minute you got my application to meet… if you knew you couldn’t get in trouble, why would you let all of that happen? You could’ve called the Director the minute you knew who I was. Why didn’t you?” Aaron needed to know why she went through the trouble of setting up a meeting with him, allowing herself to be arrested and brought to the Bureau. It didn’t make sense, allowing herself to take such a big risk.

“It seemed… fun. Sometimes my life can be quite boring.” She smiled at him, her flirtatious grin that she seemed to save just for Aaron. 

“Wasting my time, my team's time… that's fun to you?” Aaron was getting angry again, his body fuming as he looked at her. 

“Well, maybe a part of me wanted to meet you. I mean, we’re not so different, Aaron.” 

“Hah,” he laughed, rolling his eyes at her. “You think you and I have anything in common?” 

“Oh, are you not the same SSA Aaron Hotchner who killed George Foyet with his own hands?” 

“How the hell do you know that?” Aaron had stood up at this point, his anger and frustration causing his body to become restless. 

“It’s on your record, Agent. It’s not too hard to find…” She took another sip of her drink, finishing the last of the cups content and standing up to face him. For a moment, they were inches apart, the air between them stock full of tension, anger and attraction swimming around the two. But as he prayed he could control his compulsion to touch her, she walked away, over to another corner of the room, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it. 

The smell of smoke intoxicated him, making his knees shake as he craved the burn of nicotine in his throat. She floated back towards him, taking her place back on the couch and burning quickly through her cigarette. 

“You seem so angry, Aaron.” 

“Because you’re killing people, and somehow the people I look up to to maintain law and order don’t care.” 

“Have you ever thought that you’re more angry at yourself than at me? I mean, a part of you gets it, right? You understand what I do, why I do it… and that makes you sick, doesn’t it?” 

“I would never justify what you do.” 

“Mm,” she hummed, standing up and walking towards him again. She placed a soft hand on his face, Aaron realizing her touch was the first he’d felt since Haley died. The feel of his flesh being caressed by someone, being held by someone- it made him melt. 

“Maybe it’s not that, though. Maybe you really do hate me, hate what I do. But a part of you can’t stop thinking about touching me, feeling me… fucking me.” She moved her hand down his body, trailing her fingers down his chest and stopping at the base of his groin. He felt chills down his body, blood rushing to his cock at the slightest touch. 

“That’s not- it’s not that,” he stuttered, trying to back away, knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get roped into something like this. 

“Right, of course,” she whispered, taking her hand away from him and turning around, walking away. He watched her body as she floated across the room, his eyes glued to her ass that was begging to be touched by him. 

“(Y/N)...” Aaron whispered, calling for her, unable to stand the feeling of her being away from him. She turned towards him, walking back slowly, taking her time and letting him simmer in anticipation as she made her way back to the center of the room. When she made her way back to him, he grabbed her chin with his hand, tilting her face up towards him, her lips inches from his. 

“I would never want somebody like you. You are a bad person, no matter what you try to say to me.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Agent,” she smirked, her lips almost brushing against his as she formed them into a smile. 

At that moment, it felt like any self control Aaron had flew directly out the window. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her body into his and kissing her. It was a kiss that was draped in desperation, anger, lust. His tongue made no attempt to be gentle, selfishly exploring her small mouth and he picked her up and sat her on a table. He tore his shirt off, his desire to be touched, to touch her, overcoming any restraint he had before. 

He picked her up, her small frame easy for his trained body to carry swifty to the couch. He threw her down on her back, her body writhing under his, moaning his name so loud that he was sure the club goers downstairs could hear. He wrapped his hands around her neck, gripping gently, listening to her gasp for air as he slid up her dress to reveal nothing underneath. 

“You’re just begging for me, aren’t you,” he teased, pulling his hard cock out from his boxers and teasing her entrance with his tip. She nodded slowly at him, unable to speak as he still had his hand gripped around her throat. He was aching to hear her voice again, so he released his hand, getting turned on at the mark he left on her. 

He slipped into her slowly, no time to waste on foreplay. He knew he needed her now, that their time was limited and it was only a matter of time before his common sense kicked in and he got out of there. But for the moment, he was sloppily pounding into her, not caring who saw or heard, desperately needing to be as close to her as possible. 

He came quickly, the euphoria of feeling another woman for the first time in months too much for him to control. She came too, though. He could tell she wasn’t faking- he could feel it. After they finished, he quickly put his clothes back on, (Y/N) continuing to lay breathlessly on the couch. He watched her for a moment, waiting for her to say something- ask him to stay, kiss him goodbye. But she just pulled herself up and walked towards the other side of the room, grabbing and lighting another cigarette.

“You should go.” (Y/N) instructed, not even bothering to look up at the man who just came inside her moments ago. 

“You shouldn’t smoke those, you know. They’ll kill you.” Aaron’s mouth was dry, watching the trail of smoke that followed her as she floated around the room, refusing to give him even a second of her time. 

“What do I have to live for?” She asked, finally dragging her tired eyes to his and smiling, one of the first real, and saddest, smiles he had seen from her. 

Aaron tried to think of something else to say, racking his brain for the correct words to say. But he continuously came up empty, and he realized he was starting to look more and more suspicious the longer he stood there. He decided to walk away, ignore the part of him that refused to tear away from her. 

He walked soberly down the stairs, out onto the street and to his car. As he sat in his drivers seat and started the engine, feeling his face get hot, the rare feeling of wet eyes as he began to cry. And then he started to laugh. An uncontrollable cackle that spilled out of him like a waterfall. It was comical, to look back over the past few months and relive all of the bullshit he had been through. He didn’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. And maybe that was a good thing, because the person he used to be was the same person that let Haley die. 

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Aaron tried to pretend he didn’t spend every day over the next week thinking about her. The way her soft skin felt when he touched her, the way her lips tasted like bubblegum and her hair smelled like cherries. When he imagined her in his head, everything felt so distant, like he was barely holding on to a dream of her. He could feel her memory slipping away every second, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

He had to see her again, and soon. He wondered if she was thinking about him as well, if she remembered the mint chapstick he was wearing, or the Dolce cologne he was wearing. It made him sick, thinking that she forgot him. (Y/N) had slowly become everything to him, what if he was just a passing thought for her? 

The team had landed back in DC an hour ago, solving a case in Miami that was one of the easier ones they had had this year. Aaron was grateful for the slight break, his brain not completely in the right headspace. 

He rushed to finish up the closing paperwork, scribbling his words sloppily and without much care for grammar. He knew as soon as Strauss read his, she would call him and question his mental state. But he didn’t care. He just needed to get the hell out of here tonight, and if that meant sitting through another of Strauss’s evaluations, it was worth it. 

As he was signing the last of the documents, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He grabbed it with caution, not sure who would be calling him this late at night. The call was coming from an unknown number, and Aaron immediately worried something had happened to Jack. He was away at his grandparents this week, planning on staying a few more days. He answered the phone nervously, preparing for whatever horror was to come. 

“Hello, Agent,” a female voice said, a voice he instantly recognized as (Y/N)’s. Her voice flowed smoothly like silk even over the phone. It was truly hard to believe how she had managed to perfect every aspect of herself. 

“Why- how are you calling me?” He looked around cautiously, making sure no one could secretly hear any part of the phone call. 

“I’m flying to Paris this weekend, a little well deserved vacation. I was calling to see if you’d like to join me.” 

“I… Paris? I can’t just fly to Paris.” Aaron chuckled into the phone, the idea of someone just getting up and deciding to fly halfway across the world with no plan truly comical to him. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize I’d called the Fun Police. I thought this was Aaron Hotchner,” she teased. He could feel her smiling through the phone, a warmth that somehow seemed to wrap him even though he could only see her in his thoughts. 

“I can have fun…” he argued, biting his lip awkwardly, not wanting to seem inferior to her. 

“When was the last time you did something for yourself, Agent? Have you ever just… been spontaneous?” 

“(Y/N), you don’t understand-” 

“Call me A on the phone. It’s safer,” she instructed, her voice losing its soft luster as her professional side kicked in. 

“A… my job, my life… it doesn't leave room for spontaneity.” 

“No, Agent. That’s your choice. I’ll be at the jet runway at Dulles in two hours. Think about it. I’ll wait for you.” She hung the phone up, not giving him room to protest. He set the phone down on his desk, instantly missing her even more than he did before. Jack was going to be with his grandparents for three more days, and he did have some saved up vacation time. But what would he tell the team? What would he tell Strauss? 

His phone vibrated again, this time only a single buzz to indicate a text message. He flipped his phone over and saw a new message from an Unknown number. 

Life doesn’t have to be so complicated, Agent. It is much too short to spend this much time suffering. Learn to enjoy your days. 

A

He reread the message a thousand times, knowing the words would still reign true no matter how much he tried to convince himself she was in the wrong. He had spent his whole life serving others, and he was okay with it, until now. Maybe if he had lived without complication, and enjoyed his days, his life would be completely different… 

He ran home and quickly packed a bag, letting Strauss and Rossi know he needed some ‘alone time’ for a few days. They didn’t question it- one nice thing about having a recent trauma, he thought. He took an Uber to the airport, praying that (Y/N) kept her promise and waited for him. 

When he finally arrived on the runway, he noticed her immediately. It was as if even being near her set an alarm off inside of him, like every part of his brain was awake, feeling her energy from a hundred feet away. 

He thanked the Uber driver and ran to her, bag in hand. As he got to her, he noticed her face. She wasn’t surprised or shocked in the slightest- she knew he’d come. She somehow knew every move he would make. Was he that predictable… or was it something special between them?

“I have to be home in three days,” he said, breathlessly, overjoyed at the sight of his girl. 

“We can do a lot in three days,” she responded, smiling wickedly. She walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his torso and embracing him. It was such a nice feeling to be held, comforted. He felt like he could stay there in her arms for years. But she broke the hug pretty quickly, motioning for one of her men to take care of the bags and began walking towards the jet. 

As he followed her up the stairs and into their own private world, he started to remember everything he was leaving behind. The realization of just how impulsive this was dawned on him as he looked back at the city behind him. He felt dizzy, leaning on the railing for support as he shakily walked up. 

“You alright?” (Y/N) asked, placing a hand on his arm to steady him. 

“This is crazy, (Y/N). I just can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

They continued to walk into the jet, her hand intertwined in his as they sat down and the door closed behind them. A man came out from behind the curtain, who Aaron immediately recognized as the same man who greeted him both times he met her. 

“Aaron, this is my… well, assistant, I guess. Jay, this is my new friend, Aaron.” She waved to Jay slightly, instructing him to come closer. 

“It’s good to meet you sir. Can I get the two of you anything to drink?” Jay was a short boy, couldn't have been more than 25. He clearly worshipped the ground she walked on, which seemed to be par for the course with men she knew. 

“Oh, hmm,” she thought, closing her eyes for a moment as she racked her brain for a decision. “Whiskey sour. What would you like?” She turned towards Aaron, the subtle tilt of her head reminding him of how pretty her neck looked with his hands around it. 

“I’ll do a Scotch, neat,” he ordered, something so enticing about ordering a drink on a private jet to Paris. 

“I’ll grab those for you now. Matt is ready to take off, A, are you all set?” Jay turned back towards his boss, his eyes widening like a puppy as he waited for her words. 

“I’m ready to go Jay, thank you,” she smiled, looking at him quickly before bringing her attention back to Aaron. Jay took her disinterest as a sign to leave and make their drinks, so he shuffled away quickly after she looked away. 

He came back with their drinks a moment later, leaving quickly after and closing himself in the cockpit. The jet began to take off shortly after, and Aaron took a long sip of his drink, hoping the alcohol would calm any nerves he had left. He started at (Y/N) dreamily, as she shuffled through her phone and a pile on various paperwork on her lap. 

“Sorry, Agent, just finishing up some work,” she whispered, her eyes still staring down. 

“Mmm, it’s okay,” he responded, just happy to be in the same place as her again. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” she smiled, setting her work aside and bringing her attention to Aaron. 

“Why did you kick me out the other night? After…” His voice trailed off, shifting awkwardly in his seat. 

“I figured it be best for you. I didn’t want to wrap you up with my life… with me. But in all honesty, I can’t stop thinking about you. I called you tonight, and told myself if you didn’t show, I’d move on. But… you’re here.” 

“I’m here,” he whispered back, his eyes tracing down her body, craving her once again. 

“I feel like we have something special, Agent,” she whispered seductively, climbing out of her seat and walking towards him. 

“I missed you… I couldn’t stop thinking about you…” he moaned as she bent towards him, her lips kissing down his neck and playing with the collar of his shirt. She unbuttoned the top buttons, kissing his chest and moving her hand to his inner thigh. She trailed her fingers up his thigh, teasing his cock with the slightest touch. His hips bucked uncontrollably, blood flowing down to him as his desire took over his body. 

She got down on her knees, toying with his belt buckle. She was clearly trying to make him wait, the suffering and craving all a part of her game. But he was impatient, so he ripped his belt off himself, undoing his pants and pulling his erect penis out. 

(Y/N) licked her lips in anticipation, wanting to pleasure him as much as he wanted to be pleasured. She played with his tip slowly, toying her tongue around him as he moved underneath her. He wrapped his fingers in her hair, slowly pushing her mouth down around him. He wanted her to take all of him, to feel the back of her throat as he shoved his length in her mouth. She moaned quietly as she took him, bobbing her head up and down quickly and sloppily. 

Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he got a blow job- let alone the last time someone enjoyed giving him one. (Y/N) was toying with him, clearly enjoying the pleasure she was able to give him just with her tongue. She looked up at him as he was about to cum, winking as she dragged her tongue up his shaft. The eye contact sent him over the edge, causing him to release himself in her mouth. She swallowed his cum happily, kissing him on the cheek and sitting back down on her chair. 

He wanted to go to her, give her what she needed now. But he was exhausted, the exhilaration of her taking away all of his energy. He took another hefty sip of his drink, leaning back in his chair and wiping the sweat off his forehead. He buckled his pants back up and readjusted himself in the seat. 

“Don’t hate me, handsome, but I do have to get some work done. Feel free to sleep on the couch, or watch a movie. I’ll let you know when we get there.” She blew him a kiss, teasing him with a wink before losing herself in her work. He wondered what part of her job she could possibly be doing from the seat of a plane. There was truly so much he didn’t know about her, which made it so much more exciting. 

He finished his drink, watching her work in awe as the plane soared over the Atlantic. He felt himself drifting off and didn’t try to stop it, wanting to be fully rested so he could make the most of his time with her. 

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Paris was unarguably Aaron’s favorite place on Earth. Whenever he told people that, they always kind of chuckled. It was kind of a feminine city, at least that’s what everyone told him. But god, he loved it here. The food, the architecture, the people… but most importantly, it was her. 

She had made every second of his life magical. When they landed, she brought him to a small bakery near the Louvre, where they sipped wine and ate the sweetest fruit he’d ever tasted. It was only 10 AM when they got there, but nobody seemed to pay them any attention as they drunkenly strolled down the Parisian streets, giggling and kissing and living. 

When they finally sobered up, they made their way to a gorgeous hotel, where (Y/N) got the nicest suite available. They ordered a few bottles of champagne, popping them open as soon as they got inside and helping themselves to many glasses. They drank out on the balcony, overlooking the whole city as they downed more alcohol. 

The suite came equipped with a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom, which (Y/N) was begging him to take advantage of. She stripped down in front of him, lighting candles and drawing a tub of steaming water. She took a bottle of champagne into the bathroom and soaked herself in the tub, lavender scented bubbles surrounding her. Aaron couldn’t resist the temptation of her body, so he quickly followed after her, stripping down and slipping in the bubbles with her. 

She sat on his lap, he kissed down the back of her neck and nibbled on her flesh. She moved her butt into him, the softness of her flesh pushing into his cock. 

“I told you, sometimes it’s fun to be adventurous.” 

“I never doubted that. I just think this is all… crazy…” 

“Are you not enjoying yourself?” She giggled, pushing bubbles towards him and splashing around the water. 

“Oh do not play games with me,” he laughed, splashing water towards her. She squealed when the water hit her face, scrunching her nose as she wiped the bubbles from her cheeks. 

“Let’s go,” she smirked, standing up and carefully stepping out of the bath. Her skin was glistening from the water, bubbles dripping down her flesh. He stared in awe at her, obsessed with every curve, every inch of her more perfect than the last. She walked slowly out of the bathroom, her butt wiggling with every step. She was clearly calling for him, begging for him to follow her wherever she went. And he would. He did.

He ran after her carefully, finding her naked body wrapped in the fluffy comforter of the bed. She smiled when she saw him, sitting up and wrapping her hands around his neck. She brought his face towards her, kissing him slowly, allowing their lips to enjoy every second they had with each other. 

Aaron’s hands were gripped on her hips, his naked body grinding into hers. He hadn’t known this feeling for a long time- the feeling of complete and total calm. For the first time in an absurd amount of time, he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t thinking of every terrible thing that was happening around him. He was only thinking about her- the way her lips felt on his, the way her body moved… his whole life had so suddenly become wrapped up in her. 

But, the trouble was, nothing good in his life stayed. And it was only a matter of time before the universe took her away, too. 

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The rest of their time in Paris went by in a daze. Most of their time they were either drinking or fucking, taking breaks to walk aimlessly around the Louvre and stroll down the Seine. He was heartbroken when he had to go back, but he did miss his son, and was sure the team was falling apart without him. When they landed back in DC, (Y/N) had a car ready to take Aaron home. 

He had a good hour before Jack would be back, so he used his time to take a long shower and brew a strong pot of coffee. It was almost 7 at night, but his body was still messed up from the change in time zones, and he knew he wouldn’t get much sleep that night. He was already missing her, checking his phone every five minutes to see if she would whisk him away on another adventure. 

But, as he quickly learned, she was the type of person to disappear for a while. Aaron didn’t hear from her for seven full days after Paris. Seven full agonizing days of wondering where she was, who she was with, and most importantly- what she was doing. 

Being away from her made it easier for him to realize the reality of their situation. She was a killer; and yeah, maybe she only killed ‘bad’ people, but did that really make it any better? At least, that was the question he was asking himself. Surprisingly, as more time went on, the harder time he had convincing himself she was a villain. Maybe it was because he was falling in love with her, maybe it was because he understood the anger of watching guilty people walk away from things completely unscathed. 

They didn’t speak about work once during their time together, although it was clear Aaron had a lot of questions. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what she could be doing for Strauss and the Director. Who was she killing that they couldn’t get to the normal way? He wanted to know her life, understand the secrets she spent her existence protecting- but it wasn't for him. And maybe that was for the best. The mystery of it all made it… hotter. 

So when he finally heard from her, seven full days later, he felt like a kid on Christmas. He recognized the ‘unknown’ number as it popped up on the screen, stepping into his office so he could speak with her privately. 

“Hi, Agent,” (Y/N) spoke, her voice singing to him. He loved the way she called him Agent. He loved everything about her. 

“I’ve missed you. Where have you been?” 

“Oh, working. You know.” He could tell she didn’t want to speak any more about work, so he changed the subject. 

“Are you back in DC?” 

“For a bit.”

“Can I see you? Let’s get dinner somewhere. Anywhere.” 

“I… we probably shouldn’t be out together like that… if we saw anyone we knew… your team…” She spoke her words carefully, not sure how to tell him that their relationship wasn’t exactly approved of. Aaron had never really thought about it, but the reality made him sick. Would he never be able to love her publicly? Hold her hand at the park, take her to eat at his favorite restaurant, introduce her to his friends? 

But the adrenaline, the euphoria of being with her- it was worth any negatives. He would eat in the dark with her, hide her in his house, runaway with her… 

“Come over to my place, then. We’ll order pizza, watch a movie.” 

“Hah,” she giggled, her laugh airy and full of light just as he remembered. Hearing it made him smile. “I can’t remember the last time I ordered pizza and watched movies with a boy…” 

“Well, given the circumstances, I have to get creative A.” 

“What about Jack?” 

“Oh,” Aaron responded, forgetting for a moment that she had yet to meet his son. He didn’t think twice about it, wanting his son to know the woman that was bringing him so much joy. But was it safe? And did she want to know him? 

“I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” 

“What is happening between us? Are we just messing around… Is there feelings?” He hated to ask her such a loaded question over the phone, but he needed to know the answer- he had to know if she was just as head over heels as she was. 

“Agent, no man I’ve ever ‘messed around’ with has this number.” 

Aaron chuckled, the nervousness in his chest subsiding. 

“Come over tonight, please,” he begged, craving the way her lips felt on his. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight, Agent.” 

“I’ll see you tonight, A.” 

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Aaron didn’t expect just how wonderful (Y/N) would be with Jack. He had never really seen a maternal side to her before, but she was incredible. Jack took a liking to her as well, even falling asleep between the both of them as they watched Finding Nemo. After they were sure he was asleep, Aaron carried his son to his room and put him to bed, (Y/N) following close behind, in awe of the way Aaron cared for his son. 

“You want a glass of wine?” Aaron whispered to her, the two of them hand in hand as they walked back to the living room. 

“Please!” 

He poured the two of them overly generous glasses of Riesling, snuggling up on the couch next to her and kissing her on the forehead. They tried to find a movie for a bit, scrolling through endless channels before giving up. 

“Can you stay the night?” 

“I wish, but I have to catch an early flight tomorrow,” she frowned, her pout showcasing her perfect lips that he couldn’t get out of his head. 

“Where are you going?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. Her face turned pale and emotionless as she thought of a response, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. 

“You know I can’t tell you that,” she responded. 

“I’m sorry.” He felt uncomfortable, not sure exactly what to say to her. They had never had an awkward silence before, and it made him sick as he waited in the quiet for her to respond. 

“I probably should get going,” she finally said, setting her almost empty glass of wine down on the coffee table. 

“Oh, c’mon, we just got some time alone…” he pleaded, but he could tell by the look on her face he had already lost her. 

“I’m sorry, love. I just have a lot to prepare for this case.” 

“I understand. Will I see you soon?” 

“I’ll do my best, Agent.” 

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California was a popular hot spot for serial killers. It seemed like Aaron and the team were there every other week. This time, San Francisco was the lucky city. He had already been there for two days, stuck on an incredibly weird case, when he got the call. 

“Good morning, Agent,” (Y/N) spoke. 

“A… it’s good to hear from you.” He was relieved at the sound of her voice, the dark energy of this specific case seeping into him, choking any optimism out of him. 

“How are things?” 

“I’m working on a tough case, to be honest. It’s taking a lot out of me.” 

“Would it be better if I was there?” 

“How is that possible?” 

“I was… in the area. Set some time aside to stop by.” 

“I’m going to be really busy…” he frowned, realizing now how difficult it would be to actually see her. 

“Oh, Agent, I sure hope you can make time to see me,” she teased, giggling through the phone, her laugh wrapping him in warmth and shielding him from the darkness of reality for a moment. 

“Well, I have to sleep at some point,” he responded, laughing himself. 

“Call me when you get back to your hotel. I’ll be waiting.” 

Aaron hung the phone up quickly, peeking around the corner of the SFPD office they were currently set up in. Luckily, everyone was too busy to listen in on his personal conversations. He wondered what his team would think if they knew what was going on behind closed doors. Would they still stand around and trust the system they were working so hard to uphold? Because Aaron could barely stomach it. 

“Hey, we’ve got a problem,” Derek said, coming around the corner lookingfor his superior. 

“What’s going on?” 

“C’mon into the conference room. Garcia will explain everything.”

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He didn’t make it back to his hotel for another 12 hours. It was nearing 11 PM by the time he finally closed the door and could be done for the day. Although with his job, he was never really off the clock. 

He called (Y/N), pushing aside any exhaustion he had for a moment with her. She was there within twenty minutes, sneaking through the door, giggling and kissing quietly, trying to be secretive. It was risky, extremely risky for them to be together with his team just on the other side of a thin hotel wall. But he couldn’t help himself. A part of him wanted to get caught, be exposed, so they could stop sneaking around. He wanted to love her in front of everyone. 

He forgot about the case briefly as he lost himself in her flesh, kissing her soft skin and making love to her - twice. When the exhaustion finally overcame him, he crawled into her arms and let the horrors of his job overcome him. 

“It’s a bad one, this case,” he divulged, knowing he shouldn’t be telling her the details, but needed a release. He needed to scream, and she was the only one around to hear. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Some CEO’s kid has been going all around the country killing teenage girls. Eevrytime the police get close to him, he just runs. Five different cities, and he’s escaped them all. Thirty six bodies that we can find. Probably more. And he’s going to get away, here, too. Garcia found out he sold his house a few days ago and bought one in Miami.” 

“Well if you know it’s him, why aren’t you arresting him?” (Y/N) had a confused look on her face, her eyes wide and her lips forming a slight pout as she waited for him to respond. 

“We don’t have enough physical evidence. He fits the profile perfectly, and we are able to trace bodies to him in every city he’s lived in. But that’s not good enough for the courts. He’s just going to keep getting away…” Aaron felt his heart pounding, the face of Foyet flashing over and over in his head. 

“Sometimes… the system doesn’t help everybody.” She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes darting nervously around the room. 

“That’s why people like you exist, right? To serve justice to those who escape it.” 

“That’s one way of looking at it.” 

Aaron looked at her, her cheeks flushed and her breathing sporadic. They were thinking the same thing, it was only a guessing game on who would break the silence first. He didn’t think it would be here, she was too nervous. 

“(Y/N)...” he whispered, placing a hand on hers. 

“What are you asking me to do, Agent?” She finally looked up at him, her face flat and emotionless, a side of her she had never shown him before. It was her work face, her business face. 

“I want you to do your job, A.” 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” 

“It’s the only way to stop him.” 

“Okay. I’ll take care of it.” She got up out of the bed and started putting her clothes back on, slowly redressing herself as she prepared to go back to work. She grabbed one of the three phones she carried, hastily dialing a number and putting the old cell to her ear. 

“Hey, it’s me. I need the car here ASAP, and the bag... Yeah, it’s a change of plans. … I’ll tell you in the car.” She hung the call up and put the phone back in her bag, refusing the look at Aaron the entire time she was preparing herself. 

“You’re doing this now?” He laughed, getting up and trying to stop her from leaving. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, her body struggling to get away. She felt tense, tired. Her body was no longer surrounded by it’s usual warm glow. She was cold, and dark. She wasn’t her.

“Agent, if this is what you want, I need to handle it my way. Please let me go.” 

“Will you… can I see you after?” 

“I need to leave the city immediately after it’s done. And it’s best we don't talk for a bit. I can call you when I think things are safe.” 

“How long is a bit? I mean, I don’t want to give you up.” 

“You can’t have both, Aaron. Either I’m (Y/N) or I’m Ananke. Do you want more girls to die? Or do you want a girlfriend?” She was yelling, her voice a loud and intense version of itself that he was unfamiliar with. It made him dizzy. He sat down clumsily on the bed and put his face in his hands. 

“Kill him,” he mumbled. She was quiet for a few seconds, and so was he. And awkward silence. Something they had never had. He felt like she was staring at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“I’ll call you when I can, Agent. It’s been wonderful working with you.” 

Aaron swore as she walked out the door he could hear her cry. Maybe he was making it up to make himself feel better. There was no way she could walk away that easily and not … hurt. He hurt, so terribly bad. How long was a bit? A few weeks, months? Would he ever see her again? 

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Aaron awoke to a loud banging on his door and his phone buzzing like crazy. The ringer was on, but not loud enough to awaken him from his alcohol assisted slumber. He shouldn’t be drinking on the job, he knew that rule better than anyone. But he had to shut his mind up. 

He opened the door to a rattled Derek Morgan, his forehead sweating and hands shaking. 

“You are not going to believe this,” Derek said, chuckling slightly. 

“What’s going on, Morgan?” Aaron knew what he was going to say, but he had to pretend to be surprised. Would Derek know? He was by far the best profiler on the team. How long could Aaron keep up a lie before Derek figured something out? 

“Our unsub died last night. Car accident. He hit a railing and his car just… exploded.” Derek held his tablet out to Hotch, showing him various photos from the scene. His car was completely crushed and torched. You could see his body, but there was absolutely no way to tell what was happening at the time of the accident. The damage of the car was far too elaborate to find any remnants of explosives- if that’s what she used. But whatever she did, it was brilliant. There was no way anyone would think twice about this. She was brilliant. 

He could feel himself smiling, being impressed with her work- but he remembered Derek was still standing there, unknowing of the secrets Aaron held. 

“Well, I guess we can finally get the hell out of San Francisco,” Aaron laughed. 

“You think this is the end? He just dies in a freak accident and it's over? Are we that lucky, Hotch?” Derek’s eyebrows were furrowed in the classic way his face always looked when he was suspicious. 

“He’s not around to hurt anyone else, and that’s the end of it. Our jobs are done here. I want wheels up in an hour.” 

Derek just nodded in agreement with his supervisor, realizing it wasn’t worth the argument. Aaron was right, the bad guy was gone and that was good enough for him. 

Aaron closed the door to his hotel, grabbing his phone and dialing her number. He had assumed she’d already disconnected the line, severing their connection for the time. But it rang, and somebody answered. 

“A…?” he whispered, waiting for her voice. 

“You shouldn’t be calling this number,” a man responded, a voice he recognized as Jays. 

“I know, I know, but please. Please just tell her something for me.” Jay was silent for a moment, deciding what to do. 

“... What?” He asked, quietly. 

“Please just tell her I said thank you. For everything.” 

And then the phone disconnected. The call was over. She was gone. For who knows how long? 

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One week later, SSA Aaron Hotchner was sitting in his office when Erin Strauss walked through his door. She didn’t knock, which made him jump. She walked right in and sat down on his couch, taking a deep breath. A disappointed sigh. 

“Hello, Erin.” 

“Agent Hotcher.” She looked at him angrily, her lips pursed and eyes tight as she thought of her words. 

“What can I do for you?” 

“In all honesty, Aaron… did you think we wouldn’t find out? You are a federal agent. Your passport is flagged any time you enter a foreign country. You were in Paris at the same time as her. And then San Francisco? She was there on assignment and your uncatchable unsub just happens to turn up dead?” 

“Am I fired?” He asked, his only thought on what they were doing to her. 

“Aaron… what are you doing? You are losing yourself! If this is about Haley…”  

“Just tell me something. What are you going to do to her?” He bit his lip nervously, Erin avoiding his eye contact.

“Right now she’s being relocated, on a six month assignment. We’ll see what happens after that.” 

“Where?” 

“You know I can’t tell you that!” 

Aaron sat for a moment, completely unsure of what to say next. Maybe Erin was right, he had lost himself. He would’ve never imagined himself in this situation. 

“What do I do now?” 

“You move on. And you do your job, the right way. I’ll cut you some slack this time, Aaron. But if this happens again… there will be consequences. Do you understand?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Erin walked out of his office quietly, closing the door as she left. He waited a moment, a long moment, before pulling out his phone. He had to at least try to talk to her. Even if the number didn’t work. He had to try. 

But it rang. And this time he knew it was her who answered. 

“Agent.” She answered sharply. 

“Where are you?” 

“I’m still in DC, as of now.” 

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” 

“You know it doesn’t work like that. Either I go, or they send me to prison. I’m sorry, Aaron. But this… was destined to fail from the beginning.” 

“No, (Y/N). I don’t accept that. I love you.” 

“You can’t. I’m sorry, Agent. This is goodbye.” 

[beanie-beebo-writes]

Call for Action

Series Summary: You finally get your dream job, but it comes with a cost.

Warnings: Description of panic attack

Masterlist

Chapter 2

It was a nightmare that set you off the next day. Even though you couldn't remember it, you knew there was no way you could go into work that day, which was a nightmare in itself. Your second day on the job and your anxiety already had to butt itself in at the worst possible time, of course. 

You tried anyway, knowing how vital your job was to the process of the series being made. You didn't even bother with breakfast, knowing it would upset your stomach even further. You took a cup of coffee to go just in case, fearing if you drank it, the jitters would only add to your anxieties.

On set, everybody was mostly in their places except for a few PAs as always. You had forgotten to check your phone, so you went to the front office yet again to pick up another schedule. The day was already turning out to be a wreck and it barely started yet. Thankfully, Paul noticed you weren't in much of a talkative mood and let you be in your thoughts this morning. 

The schedule was even busier today, making your heart drop into your stomach. You knew a panic attack wasn't far, but you didn't have much time. You tried to forget about it as you ran to the stage for today. Your heart was pounding, and no amount of breathing exercises could quell the deep settled anxiety. You knew people were starting to notice, but your thoughts were too loud to pay much attention. 

"Alright, is everyone in their places?" You called aloud, still out of breath.

"Just about, give us less than five!" An A.V tech said from somewhere.

"That's fine." You said.

It gave you a minute to try and control your racing thoughts, if that was even possible. You bent over and held your knees as you tried to control everything bubbling inside you. Great, look at you. Someone definitely noticed that you're acting weird, next thing you know you'll be outcasted and fired. Hell, maybe even blacklisted if you decide to keep up this charade of job to job. Maybe-

A hand to your shoulder rescued you from drowning to the depths of darkness, startling you in the process. You stood up a little too quickly, starting to see dark spots. You blinked them away and looked up at your savior. And of course, it was Jensen.

"Hey I just-" He began before taking in your appearance. "What's wrong?"

You inhaled a deep breath, finding calm in his voice. "It's nothing, just a bad day." You said.

"Are you sure? Because it seems like a bit more than that." He said.

Your thoughts faintly began to start up again. "No, it's okay really. Get to your mark, Jensen." You said, half reassuring yourself and him.

"Alright, just remember what we talked about yesterday." He said.

You nodded and waited until he walked away to pull out a compact mirror, something you kept on yourself for situations like these. Yes everyone had already been likely staring at you when you had a moment, but you didn't want more lingering eyes if your panic attack had screwed up your appearance.

You wanted to roll your eyes in sheer embarrassment. You looked like you had run a mile and you had begun to cry. You thanked yourself that you didn't wear makeup like other higher ups, as you were sure it would be more noticeable. Before anyone could take notice, you set the mirror back down and made your way to the director's chair.

"Alright, everyone set?" You asked aloud.

You got a bunch of affirmative replies before making the decision to call "action" for the scene to start. 

Sam and Dean sat in a motel room, arguing about the aspects of a current case.

"There is no way you're going in on this one solo. Absolutely not." Dean said, throwing his arms up.

"Dean, you said it yourself. Going with two people is just asking for trouble. They'll instantly catch on and it'll blow our cover. I understand needing backup but.. I got this." Sam replied.

"For the last time Sam, no." Dean said.

Interrupting their argument was one of Dean's ringing cell phones; it was Bobby Singer.

"Yeah?" Dean asked.

"Well, I found that information you wanted, turns out they are also killed with silver to the heart." Bobby said on the other line.

"Yeah, that's easy." Dean said sarcastically. "So did you hear about this genius plan of Sam's?"

Bobby sighed tiredly. "What now?" 

"He wants to go in under cover, but when guns go blazing, no backup." Dean said animatedly.

"Well, he may have a good point you know." Bobby said.

"Excuse me? Bobby, that's suicide!" Dean argued.

"You watch your tone with me, boy." Bobby said. "You said the place is like an underground bar, right?"

"Yeah but-" Dean began.

"And that means he already is going to stick out like a sore thumb. Two of you would mean you're dead meat. He only needs the alpha and the rest will scatter. Now which plan sounds like suicide again?" Bobby asked.

Dean was silent, knowing there was no use arguing with the aged hunter.

"That's what I thought. You can stand by, just give him a lot of space outside the building. Got it?" Bobby said.

"Yeah Bobby." Dean said defeatedly.

"Good. Let me know how it goes." Bobby said.

"We will, talk to you later." Dean said.

"Bye, and be safe ya idjits." Bobby said, ending the call.

And then everything was quiet, too quiet. You felt a nudge from next to you bring you back to the modern world.

"And scene!" You called out, cheeks tinged slightly pink. "Sorry guys, got swept away there."

"You're good, we can just cut it later in editing." Bob Singer said, standing up from his chair.

"Cool. Alright everyone, settle for a minute and then we'll start scene 26." You called out to the stage.

--------

Before you knew it, lunchtime had rolled around again. This time though, you made the move to sit by Jensen and Jared, who had beat you to the table first. They were in a light conversation before you asked to sit with them.

"Of course (Y/N)." Jared had said.

They were currently talking about some sports team that you didn't follow; you listened in and tried to understand where you could.

"Who's your favorite team?" Jared asked.

"Oh, I don't really follow sports, it isn't really my thing." You admitted.

"Aw really? Bummer, another one." Jared teased.

"Hey, knock it off." Jensen said lightly.

"No, it's okay, I know he's only joking." You said, smiling at Jared.

"Okay, just checking." Jensen said with a wink.

Your heart flipped sideways and missed a beat. If you didn't have anxiety, you would have never distinguished the feelings you were starting to feel towards Jensen. Your feelings with crushes were always different from your anxiety, and yet so similar at the same time. Sometimes you wondered how you could tell the difference.

You still remembered the first time you had a crush. You were a late bloomer, so it didn't happen until 7th grade. You were so confused; anxiety was always something you were used to that when you were hit with all of these feel-good endorphins along with the anxieties, you threw up. Literally, in front of half of the grade and your crush, Nathan Sullivan. You had bumped into him in the middle of your moving-up ceremony in the middle-school hallway. You had wanted to say everything and nothing all at once, and ironically your brain chose to vomit instead. Now that you thought about it, you wondered that's where some of your current anxieties began.

With Jensen, it wasn't that different in a sense. You felt all of the bubbling emotions, the confusing anxieties telling you to either go for it or stay low. But you were past that for the most part. Or maybe it was the fact that Jensen made you feel safe, unlike the other guys. There was just something about him that you couldn't quite understand.

"Hey, have you guys ever dealt with anxiety?" You asked as the conversation headed to a lull.

Jensen swallowed his food before answering. "Actually yeah. About a few years back, maybe even longer, I had this huge fear of what others thought of me."

"Really?" You asked.

"Mhm, anything done on set or stage that was seen as funny to everyone else, was actually a huge anxiety factor for me. I was beyond embarrassed and hated being the one everyone laughed at, even if it was literally for comedy." Jensen explained.

"Oh wow, I never knew it was that bad." Jared said.

"I was too embarrassed to tell you at the time, honestly." Jensen admitted.

"I actually deal with anxiety sometimes too, just not as bad as Jensen." Jared said.

"What helps you guys through it?" You asked.

"Honestly? For me it was therapy, lots of it." He said with a chuckle. "But the main thing I keep with me all the time, is to remember that most people are more likely to be absorbed in their thoughts, than they are paying attention to you or me. At the end of the day, what you do may not even matter to them at the dinner table. And if it does, it does." 

"Wow, that's some good advice." You said.

"Thank my therapist for that one." He said.

"I use a lot of deep breathing techniques, it tends to quell a lot of things for me." Jared said.

"Why you ask? Something on your mind?" Jensen asked.

"No, just curious. My one friend back home deals with this kind of stuff and I figured it would help to know." You stretched a bit. 

"Ah." Jensen said.

"Well, send her some love from us, okay?" Jared asked.

"Of course." You said, finishing up your lunch.

A beat of silence surrounded the three of you.

"Hey, are you busy later?" Jensen asked. "I know you're technically my boss and all.."

You looked up from your food and almost choked. Was Jensen asking you of all people, on a date? This had to be a misunderstanding. Yet again, Jared was practically all over Jensen, just by looking at him with his head in his hands.

"Huh? Uh, no, not really. I usually just pass the time by watching netflix or something I guess." You said.

"You want to grab a bite?"

You felt the tips of your ears burn like a hot stove.

"As a… date? Or…?" You asked.

"Depends." 

"On?"

"Well, do you want it to be?" Jared asked.

"Would it even be appropriate? I mean.. Like you said, I'm practically your boss, Jensen." You said.

"Don't see why it wouldn't be. It's not like you're doing any special favors to get me top role or anything." Jensen said with a knowing smile.

You smiled back and lightly rolled your eyes. Oh, this man is definitely going to be something if I date him. How could you say no?

"Yeah true." You said, probably still with a red face. "Sure, let's make it a date then."

"Yessss!" Jared whispered.

He did a silent victory dance on the way to the trash can and shut the trap closed with his hip. He strode proudly all the way back to the stage as if his son had won a competition. Jensen put his hands over his face a moment and exhaled lightly.

"Just ignore him." He said, muffled behind his hands.

"Couldn't if I wanted to." You said with a giggle.

[lynelovespopculture]

THE  CHILLING ADVENTURES OF ZELDA CHAPTER 14-A SPELLMAN FAMILY SOLSTICE

 Faustus and Zelda had a long recovery in front of them.  Faustus had only awakened 1 hour before his wife so they were healing at the same time. They both were assigned to complete bed rest for the next 3 weeks. In that time, they rested, snuggled together, and watched the defeat of Blackwood video numerous times. They both agreed that there was no foolproof way to get rid of Blackwood forever; they had to just keep their guard up and hope for the best. Zelda also told Faustus how Lilith had reclaimed hell for herself and found happiness with a new Adam. After the 3 weeks of bed rest, Faustus and Zelda were up and around and just in time to help celebrate Sabrina’s 18th birthday. (Since this was Sabrina’s last year at home before college, new rules were set. Thursday nights were family dinner night, absolutely no excuses for not attending, and Sunday was family movie night.)

Later that week, Faustus and Zelda managed to find some time to sit down with just the twins to have a serious talk about the adoption. Zelda explained that this adoption was less about guardianship, as the twins were almost 17, but more of a show of commitment to be their mother. Zelda nodded with understanding when they told her that they wanted time to think about it. Yet, there was 1 issue that the male twin didn’t need to think about at all. Just like his sister, Judas wanted to forget about his life with Blackwood. Soon enough, he confessed that he hated the name of Judas, so with his parents’ full support, changed his name to Jacob.  It wasn’t long at all until he was used to the family calling him Jake. 3 days later, Faustus took Zelda for a romantic dinner in the fanciest restaurant in town. As they clinked their wine glasses together, Faustus explained that it was the 1st anniversary of him being free from the curse. Hearing this, Zelda re-clinked the glasses.

“To the first of many, many years,” She smiled.

They went home, and make wild, passionate love before drifting off in each other’s arms. Late that night, Zelda turned around and found herself alone in bed. She caught Faustus at the entrance of the attic, which Ambrose and Jake now shared.

“I still can’t believe we’re all home now,” Faustus whispered as his wife linked her arm with his. With a kiss, Zelda led him back to their room, where they made love for the 2nd time that night.

  Their 1st solstice all together as a family was a very special one. LJ and Jake were both all smiles as together, they handed Zelda a gift. After wrapping it, Zelda gasped, for the box was filled with papers, but not just any papers. On top were the half-filled adoption papers and beneath that, were papers for legal name changes. The twins explained that not only did they want to be adopted but they were also ready to become Spellmans. All the family couldn’t agree fast enough. Zelda did a pretty good job of blinking back her tears of joy, or she did, right up until the twins called her ‘mom’ for the very 1st time. This happened right after Zelda gave LJ and Jake their Yule present. A thick photo album filled with pictures of their birth mother, Constance, at every stage of life so the twins could look at it whenever they wished.

In the new year, after Hilda and Dr. C celebrated their 1st anniversary and Zelda filed the paperwork for the twins’ adoption and name changes, plans went full steam ahead for LJ and Jake’s joint dark baptism. Jake kept it simple, by picking Jacob Faustus for his baptismal name. LJ’s was longer. LJ explained that her name was to be Letitia Judith Constance Zelda.

“To honor both my mothers.” LJ smiled and Zelda kissed the girl on the head, blinking back happy tears once more.

The baptism, attended by family and coven alike, went off without a hitch. For the next few months, the Spellmans’ lives were blissfully quiet and uneventful. Their lives revolved around work, school, and most importantly, each other. On April 2nd, the whole family gathered to celebrate Cordelia’s first birthday. They threw a party, of course, with cake and gifts but it was Faustus and Zelda who got the best present that day. It was later that night after they readied Cordelia for bed, they sat Cordelia down in front of her crib as they did for the last 3 weeks. It was normal when Cordelia pulled herself up to the crib with her tiny hands but then something new happened. Cordelia took her hands off the crib and took her 1st few unsteady steps towards Zelda. She playfully touched her mother’s cheek before saying her 1st word loud and clear. “Mommy!” After kissing her daughter silly, Zelda turned Cordelia around so she could walk to Faustus. The baby took 3 steps before she stumbled on the 4th and would have fallen but Faustus managed to catch her. He was rewarded with a giant smile. “Daddy!”

 Spring and summer flew by and before anyone knew it, it was September again. Everyone came out to see Sabrina and LJ, who graduated a year early, off to college. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. When she was 3 and big enough for a big girl bed, Cordelia was given Sabrina’s room by her still at college cousin. The following year, Hilda, Faustus, and Sabrina convinced an uneasy Zelda to allow Cordelia to attend mortal kindergarten, just like Sabrina before her. Cordelia’s parents sat her down and explained to her not to talk about witches or use magic at school. They also kept their promise to the witch’s council, to keep them updated on Cordelia’s magical development. Yet, there was little to report. The baby who cried the devil out of the house was growing up as normally as any other little witch, except for a slammed door or a few floating items. Her powers were at their strongest when her emotions were at their peak.  One afternoon, Cordelia wanted to play outside but Hilda explained she couldn’t because it was raining, hard.

“I don’t want it to rain!” As soon as Cordelia stamped her foot, the sun came out. Hilda stared wordlessly, yet Cordelia didn’t even seem to notice. It was on the 1st day of school that Cordelia met Erin, Emily, and Erica Warner, mortal triplet girls who quickly became her BFFs. Meanwhile, with his youngest now in school, Faustus was feeling a little lost.  Ambrose and Jake formed the perfect team to run the funeral home together and the rest of the family were busy with their own thing. 1 night, Zelda suggested her husband should return to teaching. Zelda knew she got through to him and was waiting for Faustus to ask her to return to the academy. So, she was shocked when he told her he gotten a job at Greendale middle school, teaching 7th grade. Theo Putnam was also a new teacher.

 It was a cold night in the late December of Cordelia’s sixth year that the child awoke with a start.

“Who’s there?” She demanded with the greatest demand she could mutter as she sat up and looked around the darkened room. She looked around and saw nothing, yet she felt someone was nearby. Cordelia sighed, this wasn’t a new feeling. She pulled back her blankets and got up. Might as well go to the bathroom while I’m awake. She thought.

“Hey, Salem.” Cordelia petted Sabrina’s familiar on her way back to bed. Then she picked up her favorite doll, tucked it under her arm, sighed as she laid down, and closed her eyes.

 The next thing she knew, sunlight tickled at Cordelia’s eyelids. 1 quick look at the clock and she jolted out of bed and down the hallway. Her own school had let out for Christmas yesterday, but the academy was a year-round boarding school that demanded much of its headmistress. Cordelia felt that she spent less than 10 minutes with her mother all week. Maybe it was still early enough to catch her. She stopped short in her parents’ doorway. Not only was no one in here, but the bed was made and everything was neat, suggesting that both her parents left long ago.

“It's not even 9 yet! Well, so much for that idea.” Cordelia muttered as she headed for the steps. Downstairs, Cordelia found her brother fluttering back and forth before the front door as if he was preparing to go out. “Where’re you going, Jake?” she asked from the stairway.

Jake looked up, pausing as he put on his coat. “Good morning, Cordy. Mom just called, she needs someone to fill in for her with the choir ASAP.”

“Mom’s already at the school?”

Unfortunately, Jake was too busy to notice the sadness in his sister’s tone. “Yeah. Bye.”

Cordelia was left to frown at the closed door when the wonderful smells finally reached her nose. Those smells only appeared when someone special visited. Now wearing a tiny smile, the 6-year-old ran into the kitchen and hugged the visitor from behind. “Hi, auntie H!”

Hilda, who was baking, half-turned and gave her niece a 1 arm hug. “Hello, darling.”

From his stool 3 feet away, Ambrose waved. “Hello, cousin.”

“Hello, another Spellman who no longer lives here.” Cordelia teased good-naturedly and Ambrose laughed. He and Prudence had only moved into a small apartment together downtown 3 months ago.

Meanwhile, Hilda wiped her hands on a towel. “It’s cereal alright for breakfast?”

Cordelia smiled and nodded. “Yes, please.”

“So, Cordy, how did you sleep?” Asked Ambrose.

“Good! For the most part.”

Ambrose and Hilda exchanged a look. “For the most part?” repeated her aunt.

“Ghostbusting again, cuz?”

Cordelia gave Ambrose an annoyed sideways glance. “No, Ambrose. Ghostbusting would imply that I actually see the spirit.”

Ambrose was now confused. “Wait, you don’t see the ghosts? Ever? But you had this problem for a while.”

“Since before feasts of feasts as I recall,” Hilda added.

“I don’t understand. If you can’t see them, how do you know they’re ghosts?”

Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know, it’s just a feeling. Most girls my age are scared of ghosts; I just want them to make up their minds! They should show themselves, tell me what the problem is so I can help or just let me be so I can sleep at night.”

Hilda and Ambrose both had nothing to say so they just stared at the girl. Cordelia sighed, what was needed now was a change of subject and she found it on the serving tray. “Who pops popcorn this early in the morning?”

Ambrose sprang to life. “Oh, I almost forgot!  I was supposed to bring out the cranberries and popcorn to Dr. C and Uncle Faustus. They finally setting up the Yule tree!” Ambrose grabbed the tray and rushed out of the kitchen.

“Well, I got to go too,” Cordelia announced.

“Why?” Asked Hilda.

“Because my bowl of cereal was on that tray!”

Hilda laughed, shook her head, and returned to her baking.

 “I swear, we get this tree up later and later every year.” Faustus sighed.

“Well, we’re busy men,” Dr. C assured him. “Me at my bookstore, you at the middle school. Here comes Ambrose, at last.”

Faustus smiled as the younger warlock rushed in. “We were beginning to think you’d forgotten us.”

“I’m so sorry that it took me so long,” Ambrose said.  “Aunt Hilda and I got to talking and then Cordelia walked in.”

“Oh? Cordy’s up?”

“I sure am!” The child was right on Ambrose’s heels. She was closer to Dr. C so she greeted him first. “Hi, Uncle C” She hugged him and then went over to her father. “Hi, Daddy” she giggled when Faustus kissed the cheek of his youngest child. The 2 men went back to trying to steady the tree, as Ambrose found a chair and began to thread the popcorn and cranberry strings together. After reclaiming her breakfast, at last, Cordelia sat on the sofa and asked about the only thing on her mind.

“How long ago did Mom leave for the academy this morning?”

“About an hour and a half to 2 hours ago” Faustus answered casually. “Why? Do you need her?”

Cordelia frowned. “No, I don’t need her per say, but I do miss her. It’s like I barely have seen her this week.”

“Don’t worry, baby,” Faustus soothed his daughter. “While it’s true that Solstice demands more of the high priestess’s time than normal, all she has to do is get through today and perform tomorrow’s midnight mass then Zelda will be free to spend the rest of the holidays with us.”

“Don’t forget when we go get the girls tomorrow.” Dr. C added. “Zelda would never miss that.”

Although both LJ and Sabrina left for college 6 years ago, the girls were still away for their education but for different reasons. Unlike Jake, who left a year after his sister and cousin and return 2 years later, business degree in hand. Poor Sabrina was having a tough time, having changed her major 3 times. On the flip side, LJ had not only completed university in record time but was enrolled in 2 different medical schools. When done, LJ would not only be 1 of the few female witch doctors, she would also be the 1st witch doctor trained in mortal medicine. With a sister on her way to glory and her mother already in the history books as the 1st high priestess, Cordelia was extremely proud of her family and sometimes wondered if greatness lay in her future as well.  Having finished her breakfast, Cordelia now lay the now-empty bowl on the coffee table and went to the old cardboard box that held the tree decorations.  After a few seconds of digging around, Cordelia was able to her favorite one. It was a diamond full moon on 1 side and the other side was a picture frame. The picture itself was taken on her 1st solstice. It was of Zelda, Faustus, and Cordelia herself, when she was still just a baby. While Cordelia stood admiring the photo, Dr. C lost his balance on the step stool and bump into the girl, causing her to lose her grip on the glass moon and it smashed on the floor.

Dr. C rushed to the child’s side. “Oh Cordelia, I’m so sorry!” He hugged her.

Cordelia put on a brave face. “It’s okay, uncle C. We have lots of others.”

As they spoke, the fragments of the glass moon float up in the air and magically fixed itself.

“But this 1 is your favorite,” Faustus held it in the palm of his hand. “I know because it’s my favorite too.”

Cordelia smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”

  Putting up the tree nearly took all day. Cordelia was excused because right after lunch, the Warner triplets called their friend to come with them to go to the mall to see Santa. Cordelia was gone all afternoon and returned just in time for dinner yet her mood seemed to change. She was quiet and seemed angry. At first, Hilda thought her niece was annoyed because Zelda called to say that she was too busy to come home for dinner.  Then, in the middle of supper, Jake knocked over a glass of water. On the other side of the table, his baby sister jumped up in horror.

“You should be more careful!” She shouted before she ran out of the room. Faustus and Hilda found Cordelia in her room pacing back and forth before her bed. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry!” She muttered to herself.

“Cordy? What’s wrong?” Faustus asked.

His daughter looked up, frowning. “You should have told me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“THAT OUR KIND CAN MELT!!”  Cordelia shouted.

Faustus and Hilda exchanged a confused look. “Cordelia, love,” Hilda said gently, “what exactly did you and your friends do this afternoon?”

Cordelia sighed. “After the trip to the mall to see Santa, Mr. Warner invited me back to their house for hot chocolate and it was there that Erin, Emily, Erica, and I watched a movie.”

“What movie?” Her father asked.

“The Wizard of Oz.”

Both Faustus and Hilda felt instant relief. Hilda left to go inside the bathroom while Faustus took his daughter by the hand, guided her to the bed, so they could both sit down.

“Darling, while it’s true the mortals have short lives, while we witches can live for centuries and centuries. Surely, we can’t live that long if we are in danger of something as common as water.”

“But in the movie-“

“The movie is not real. It’s pretend, make-believe. You remember when you, Mommy, and I had our talk about make-believe?”

Cordelia nodded. “I remember, but it’s so confusing! After all, mortal parents tell their children that witches are make-believe.”

Faustus nodded. “That’s true but I can prove I’m right! Think back to every mass you attended, all the times Zelda took you with her to the academy, have you ever, after all that time with the coven, even seen a green witch?”

“No. Hey, wait  a second, I didn’t tell you that the witch was green! How did you know?”

Faustus laughed. “The Wizard of Oz is a very famous movie and you’re not the 1st witch to get spooked by water after seeing it. I guess you could call it a witch childhood rite of passage by now.”

“Your father’s right,” said Hilda, coming toward the bed, glass in 1 hand. “When your cousin Sabrina saw that movie, she reacted the exact same way you did. That’s when Zelds and I came up with the test.”

“Test? What kind of test?”

“Come here and I’ll show you.” When Cordelia didn’t move and kept staring at the glass, Hilda tried again. “What’s wrong? Don’t you trust me?”

This softened Cordelia immediately. “Of course I do, Auntie H.” The child got off the bed and came forward and Hilda knelt down to look her niece in the eye. “Now just give me 1 of your fingers.” Cordelia offered up a finger. Hilda took it and put the tip of the finger just under.  “Now, how does that feel?”

“Wet.” Was the child’s only reply.

Hilda laughed. “Yes, it’s wet, but what else? Does your finger feel like it is going to fall off or melt?”

Cordelia smiled and shook her head.  Hilda smiled. “Good, the test has worked in our favor yet again.”

“Thank Hecate!” Faustus added. “Can you imagine how foul our world would be if none of us would be allowed to bathe?”

Cordelia laughed at her father’s funny face as Hilda kissed her brow.

  A few hours later, Faustus turned down the bed as Cordelia got ready in the bathroom.

“Cordy, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“Doing it right now, Dad.”

Faustus couldn’t resist. “With water?”

First, there was silence then came a low moan. Faustus smiled to himself.

Cordelia switched off the bathroom light and walked more into her bedroom. “Hecate, I’m dumb,” She muttered.

When she was close enough, Faustus put his arm around his daughter. “You are not dumb. You, my girl, are 6. Considering how you speak and behave most of the time, it’s easy to forget how young you are.”

Cordelia gave a half-smile. “Still young enough to be read to?”

“Not very subtle, miss Spellman.”

Cordelia giggled and crawled into bed as Faustus grabbed the book on the nightstand. Some little girls like fairy tales, most, at least, like a story with a plot. But most nights, Cordelia favored spell books, especially the Latin ones, even though Cordelia didn’t speak the language. She said it soothed her faster. Tonight, Faustus only read a page and a half before Cordelia was fast asleep. He tucked her in and tiptoed out of the room. The next thing Cordelia was aware of; someone was arranging her blankets. Her 1st thought was that the troublesome ghost was back but she was instantly awake when she saw who it really was.

“Mommy! I missed you so much today!” Cordelia sat up and threw herself into Zelda’s arms.

Zelda kissed her brow. “I’ve missed you too, little one. I didn’t mean to wake you, but your father told me that you had a scare today.”

“That’s not important,” Cordelia dismissed. “Will you come with us to pick up LJ and Sabrina tomorrow morning?”

Zelda nodded. “I will, but I must get back to the academy by early afternoon at the very latest.”

Cordelia frowned. “But tomorrow is the day before Solstice. You always spend it with us.”

“I know precious but we’re so behind this year. I mean, the church is not yet decorated or prepared for midnight mass yet.”

“How about I go with you? That way you could get your work and we could still be together.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“No! Wait! Don’t go yet.” Cordelia grabbed her book. “Read to me.”

“It’s late, Cordelia.”

“Please, Mom?”

Normally, Zelda would have held firm but she felt massively guilty about barely being home lately. Zelda sighed and took the book. “Move over.”

An hour later, Faustus went to look for his wife and found Zelda and Cordelia snuggled up together, both fast asleep. Faustus went to Zelda to whisper to her. “It’s late, my love. We’re going to have to leave for the airport, well, in just a few hours now.”

“Mmm,” was Zelda’s only reply.

It was only then that he saw the book. “Did Cordy get another story out of you?”

Again, “Mmm.”

“Dearest, are you asleep?”

“Mmm?”

Faustus smiled. “That’s what I thought.” Gently, he put 1 hand under Zelda’s head and the other 1 under her knees. Then he carried Zelda out of Cordelia’s room and back to their own bed.

 Even though they had only been home a few weeks before for feats of feasts, Sabrina and LJ’s homecoming was a joyful one. At the airport, there was much hugging and kissing, done by all the family. The morning flew by with all their laughing, talking, and catching up. After lunch, most of the family went to the church with Zelda to help set things up, yet Sabrina went for a different reason. All Sabrina had to do was wait for an opportunity to talk to her aunts alone. She got 2 and chickened out both times. Fed up with her own failure, Sabrina teleported herself back to Spellman’s kitchen and groaned.

“Just tell them, you coward!”

The loud whistle of the kettle startled Sabrina. She turned and saw Faustus at the stove,1 of his eyebrows rose. “Something wrong, Sabrina?”

She could feel her eyes watering. “Yes.”

Faustus said the 1st thing that came to mind. “Are you changing your major again?”

Sabrina shook her head. “No, I’m not changing my major. I’m not going back to school at all!” There, she finally said it.

For his part, Faustus got out 2 cups and saucers, poured the tea, and sat down at the table with Sabrina.

“I can’t seem to bring myself to tell Auntie Hilda and Aunt Z. I wasted 5 years, 3 majors, and all that money. My aunties are going to be so disappointed.”

In an effort to comfort his niece, Faustus took Sabrina’s hand in his. “All your aunts have ever wanted for you is to be happy.”

“I tried, I tried so hard.” Sabrina’s lip quivered.

“I know,” Faustus soothed. “Maybe this could be a blessing in disguise,” he suggested. “Maybe, by taking a semester off will help you relax and figure out for sure what you really want to do.”

“But I was sure all those times I change my majors,” Sabrina stressed.

“You know, 1 of my favourite teachers once told me that the secret to professional success is to pick something that you love and are good at.”

“But I don’t know what I’m good for a job.”

“What about helping people? You’re good at that.”

“But that could any career.” Sabrina pointed out.

“How about a therapist? I would be lost without mine.”

Sabrina smiled. “A therapist? Me? You remember I’m the one who causes most of the problems around here?”

“Oh, that was when you were a teenager,” Faustus dismissed. “You’re grown up a lot since then. Besides, if nothing else, the outlook of a half-mortal, half-fallen angel raised by witches is bound to be interesting.”

Sabrina laughed. “True. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks, Uncle Faustus.”

He was shocked. “You’ve never called me uncle before.”

“I know but it’s high time I did.”

 “Dad? I’ve been wondering something for a long time, but I’m not sure how to ask.”

It was late that night and Faustus was readying Cordelia for midnight mass. In his opinion, she looked great. His daughter was wearing a new red dress, her white winter tights, and shiny black Mary Janes. He was now adding the finishing touch of a ribbon in her red hair, exactly like her mother’s. “Cordy, don’t be scared. You know you can ask me anything.”

“Okay, Dad, don’t you believe? I mean, I know that Uncle C isn’t a warlock, so it makes sense that he doesn’t share our faith, but why don’t you believe?”

“But I do believe, sweetheart. I was baptized the night after you were born.”

Cordelia seemed confused. “You were?! Then why don’t you ever attend mass?”

Faustus sighed. “You have to leave in a few minutes and it’s a very long story and I promise that someday we will discuss this in greater detail, but for now all I can tell you that when I was high priest, before you were born, I did things that I am deeply ashamed of. The coven has since forgiven me but I am still weary of being near them.  I do attend mass, in fact, I’m there every week, but I don’t sit up front with the rest of the family, I actually like to sit in the very back pew. I also like to be the last one to arrive and the first one to leave. I like it when the coven doesn’t even notice me.”

Cordelia thought for a moment and then said, “Are you sorry about what you did?”

“Oh, Hecate, yes! I’m sorrier than anyone can ever know.”

Cordelia shrugged. “Then the coven has to forgive you. It’s just good manners.”

Faustus hugged his daughter, grateful for her innocent logic.

   A little later, Cordelia found herself at the church, sitting in the front pew with Hilda, Sabrina, Ambrose, and the twins while Prudence sang in the choir. Even at 6, Cordelia felt proud that it was her mother who performed the service, glorious in her white and gold robes. During the middle of the service, Cordelia took advantage of her end seat and looked toward the back. Sure enough, she found her father, who waved at her. After mass, Cordelia stayed behind to help clean up and help her mother say goodbye to the coven. When they drove home, there a raven haired woman near the stairs. Cordelia didn’t know who the lady was but, judging the way her mother was gripping the wheel, Cordelia guessed her mother did.

“Is she the one who keeps bothering you?” Zelda asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Mom, who is that?”

“Go inside and get dressed for bed, Cordy. It’s late.”

Cordelia did as she was told but she did pick up some bits of dialogue.

“Bright solstice, Zelda.”

“What are you doing here, Lilith?”

“Come now, surely I’m allowed to check up on my son’s future bride.”

That was all Cordelia heard. 10 minutes later, Zelda came into Cordelia’s room to kiss her daughter goodnight.

“Mom?  I heard you and that lady talking. Who’s getting married? Prudence or LJ?”

“No one in this house is getting married!” Zelda declared firmly.

Zelda went to bed mad and woke up even angrier. “I don’t get it, Faustus.” She said to her husband as they went downstairs for breakfast. “We heard or seen nothing of Lilith these past 6 years and the 1st thing she mentions is that stupid marriage contract that I signed in invisible ink and can’t possibly be binding. Lilith knows that! What game is she playing at?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” Faustus answered honestly. “Whenever it is, we’ll deal with it together like we always do. Today is solstice. It’s time to celebrate that and the fact that this is your 1st day off in weeks. Then, later on, tonight, I get to show you how terribly I and our bed, have missed you.”  He kissed her hard before they walked into the kitchen, hand in hand.

 According to tradition, the family waited until sundown to gather round the Yule tree and start exchanging gifts. Half an hour later, the get together was in full swing, with music, talking, and laughing all filling the air. It was about this time that Faustus gave Zelda a small blue ring box. Inside was the 6th annual charm that Faustus gave his wife every Yule to go on the bracelet that he had given her on their 1st Solstice that they spent together as a married couple. However, the meaning of this year’s charm was lost on Zelda.

“A white rose?”

Faustus nodded. “A symbol of eternal love.”

Zelda gave a sly smile. “Yours or mine?”

Faustus laughed and stroked his wife’s cheek as he received Zelda’s thank you kiss. Then Faustus stood up and grabbed a skinny gift from under the tree. He passed it to Cordelia.  “Speaking of jewellery, here a little something from your mother and me.” Cordelia smiled as she took the gift and unwrapped it. It turned out be a golden chain with a crescent moon attached, not unlike her own birthmark. She looked up at her parents from her place on the floor.

“I love it! Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Mom.” Cordelia got up and hugged both her parents.

“May Hecate bless and keep you, my Cordelia.” Zelda smiled at her daughter.

“Amen.”

“Oh, it seems we ran out of music and could use a new Christmas CD.” Hilda sighed.

“I’ll go change it since I’m up.”  Cordelia offered and journeyed to the stereo but before she got there, she passed a window and froze.  She looked very upset.

It was Hilda who first noticed her distress.  “Cordy, darling? What’s wrong?”

“It’s her,” Came her niece’s reply. “The ghost that keeps up me at night. She’s right outside.”

“How do you know? You said you never saw her.” Ambrose pointed out.

Cordelia shook her head. “I never did, but I always felt her just as I feel her now and I’m looking straight at her.”

Faustus got up to collect his daughter.  “Come sit down, sweetheart.  We’ll figure all this out later.” Yet just as he put an arm around Cordelia, he looked out the window and saw the ghost too. “Constance?”

“Faustus, may I see you out in the hall for a minute?” Zelda asked as she rose.

 “I think we should let Constance in.”

Faustus couldn’t believe his ears. “What?  Zelda dearest, what are you saying?”

“Well, I think it’s perfectly oblivious why she’s here.”

Faustus nodded. “Yes, she’s here to ruin our family solstice.”

“No,” his wife disagreed, “I think she’s here to see her children, the twins, as is her right.”

“I think you’re giving her too much credit. Don’t you remember how she behaved the last time we made contact with her? You had to bar her from the house!”

“That was over 6 years ago. Maybe she changed.”

“Changed?!” Faustus sneered. “Then why has she  been  bothered Cordy for over a month?”

“Why don’t you go out there and ask her yourself?”

“Fine, I will,” Faustus agreed. “But you’re coming with me.”

A moment later, Zelda and Faustus stepped out onto the frozen porch. Constance was right before them.

“If we allow you into this house, will you abide by its rules and customs?” Faustus asked.

Constance smiled as she nodded. “I will.”

“Come in. You are welcome.” With those simple words, Zelda broke her own spell.

The whole family was shocked when Faustus and Zelda returned with the ghost. Hilda was the 1st to recover.

“Um, Ambrose, Prudence, Sabrina, Cordy, could you come to help me and your uncle C in the kitchen?”

“I think I’ll join you.” Zelda turned to join the family, but Constance called her back. “Please stay, Zelda, there’s something I would like to say to you too.”

“Ok.” Zelda was unsure as she slid into her chair next to Faustus. The twins were sitting on the sofa. Zelda noticed that the twins were holding hands, something they only did when they were really anxious.

“Is it true?”  Jake asked. “Are you really our mother?”

“She’s only our birth mother,” his sister answered him, “Zelda is our real mother.”

“LJ, please!” Zelda didn’t mean it, but her mothering tone came through.

Constance didn’t seem to mind as she stared at the twins and smiled. “You are both so beautiful.”  She touched LJ’s face. “My daughter on her way to becoming a witch doctor!”

Jake lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m not a genius like LJ.”

“Are you happy, my son?”

“I am.”

Constance smiled. “That’s all that matters.”

“And we’re safe,” LJ added.

“That’s right,” Jake agreed. “Blackwood is no more.”

Constance smiled. “I know; I’ve been watching you. I’ve been watching all of you.” Constance turned. “Which brings me back to you, Zelda Spellman. I have something important to say to you. Thank you. Ever since you dispatched with Blackwood, you have done everything to make sure that my children felt safe and loved. I can never thank you enough for that.”

LJ got up and walked to Zelda’s side. “Why would even doubt her? She cared for us when we were babies. I mean, this is the same woman who whisked me away at birth and loved me when she didn’t have to.”

You must understand,” Constance stressed. “The last time I saw Zelda; she was heavily pregnant. I thought that she would prefer her own child and become a petty and jealous stepmother to the 2 of you. Just” Constance sighed and cast down her eyes in shame. “Just as I did with Prudence. Happily, that didn’t happen. She loves you as if you were her own.”

“I love them because they are my own,” Zelda said gently, “Just as Cordelia and Prudence are. Perhaps you would have learned this if you’ve survived but a mother’s heart can never be too full.”

“Wait,” Jake was confused. “If all you wanted was to have a peaceful heart-to-heart, then why have you been bothering Cordy all this time?”

Constance looked startled.  “Have I?   I didn’t mean to. Please apologize to her for me.”

LJ leaned in to whisper in Zelda’s ear.  “I guess the divine child’s powers can pick up a rogue ghost better than we can.”

Zelda’s focus was elsewhere at the moment. “Constance, you’re glowing. You’ve never looked better.”

The ghost blushed like a schoolgirl. “Am I? Well, I guess being at peace agrees with me then. You see, I recently re-met a friend from childhood on the other side, and he has been helping me to put aside my anger and bitterness. I’m starting to see things differently now. Zelda, I understand that you didn’t set out to break up my marriage, Faustus’s heart was yours long before I came around. It’s perfectly fine that my children have 2 mothers, as long as they are loved and protected.”

Sensing that her time was up, Constance kissed both her children and turned to leave when

“Wait.” It was the 1st time Faustus had spoken since they had all sat down. Now, he stood and when to the ghost. “Constance, I have never seen you speak so tenderly or behave so kindly. I just to say I’m sorry. We never were a love match but I could have been kinder to you during our marriage. Not pressuring you for a son, been more of a comfort during your miscarriages. Enjoy the happiness you have now; you certainly deserve it. Bright Solstice.” He gave her a peck on the cheek. The lights flicked and then the ghost was gone.

It was when Constance was gone that Jake fell on his knees before Zelda. “We love you, bonus mom.”

LJ hugged her. “We sure do.”

Faustus watched this touching scene for a moment and then turned his attention to the hallway.  “Okay, guys, you can come out now. Don’t think I don’t see you spying over there!”

The guilty gang filed back into the living room and the Solstice celebrations continued.1 hour later, the room was quiet as Ambrose read Charles Dickins’ A Christmas Carol aloud. Fearing that she would too big to do it next year, Cordelia grabbed her favorite blanket and settled herself on Zelda’s lap. She was going to ask if she was too heavy when her mother held her closer.

“Hecate, bless us, everyone,” Cordelia whispered.

[shadedrose01]

Maybe There's a Reason (To Believe You'll Be Okay)

Relationships: Harley Keener & Tony Stark (platonic), Harley Keener/Peter Parker (at the end)

Summary: Harley has a crisis, and Tony helps him through it (with a hint of parkner at the end).

Tags: Remix, Parkner Remix Event, Even though its barely parkner whoops, Emails, Letters, Phone Calls & Telephones, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Sexual Identity, Identity Issues, Coming Out, Kinda?, Sexuality, Gay Harley Keener, Crushes, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Acceptance, Self-Acceptance, Love, Parental Love, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, tony stark is a dad, why is that not a tag, Parkner is only at the end, for like a paragraph, Just so yall know :)

For the Parkner Discord Remix Event!!

A remix of @official-impravidus ' fic "Sincerely, Me" (which you can read here!)

This is longer, so ao3 link is here!

Hope you all enjoy! Love you lexie!!

--

Wednesday, May 8, 2013, 1:24PM 

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: Relationships and Mark V

I don't understand dating. Like, my friend Bryan started dating Rachel today, and that's fine, whatever, but I just don't get it. All they did was hold hands and kiss each other all day. Is that all a relationship is? What even is the point of it? I mean, I know humans are animals and our instincts give us our need to reproduce so we need to find a viable mate and all that stuff, but why do you need to always be together, and hold hands, and do all of that gross stuff too?

Either way, I finally got around to building a mark V for my potato gun! It's just a few upgrades up from the mark IV, for faster shots and farther range, but I think it'll be cool once it's done. 

I hope your day is going okay.

-Harley

 

~~~

 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013, 10:43PM 

From: tes@starkindustries.com

To: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Relationships and Mark V

Relationships are complex, and complicated. Humans are born to reproduce, yes, but dating, and finding a partner is more than that. It's finding someone you're compatible with, who can be there at your best and at your worst, and a bunch of other deep seeded emotions that are hard to explain.

You don't need to worry about that now, though. You'll understand more when you're older, anyways, so I wouldn't worry about it.

My day has been good. More of a lazy day today, Pepper and I ordered some take out and watched movies in our pjs. I didn't have my phone on me per Peppers request, or I would have answered sooner.

As for the Mark V, the updates sound good. Keep me posted, kid.

  -The Mechanic

 

~~~

 

Monday, September 8, 2014, 4:57PM 

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: Middle School!!

I started middle school today!! And honestly? It wasn't as exciting as I thought it was gonna be. I knew that movies and tv shows oversell the wow factor of middle school and high school but I didn't think it'd be this dull. I'm still in the same class, with all the same classmates, and my classes are still crazy easy. I had hoped that the increase in grade would make it even a little bit harder, but I knew everything on the outline they gave out before the teachers even started teaching!! It's bonkers!

Apparently this middle school also has a STEM, or "gifted" kid program for kids like me though, so hopefully that'll be harder. I'm still gonna be so bored in my normal classes though. Ugh.

I have the STEM classes tomorrow, so I'll tell you how it goes. I know you've been stuck in those awful meetings lately, but I hope your day is going better than mine.

  -Harley

 

~~~

 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014, 5:04PM

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: STEM Program

I had my STEM class day today, and it went a lot better than yesterday did! My teachers are all super nice, especially my math teacher, Mr. Trevor. He immediately starting teaching today, which was awesome, because all of my other normal teachers had a Ice Breaker class first (which I hate, we all already know each other, why do we have to say our names and something about ourselves??), but he just went right into it, and started teaching us trigonometry. I haven't learned any of it before, and I'm super excited to dig into it and find out how it works. It's seeming pretty simple so far, just formulas and using calculators right.

The only bummer is the class I got put with. They all seemed to click and get along well together, but none of them really talked to me much. I don't mind though. I'm more focused on my education anyways.

Also! I saw that Captain America and Black Widow took down SHIELD's headquarters on the news. What was that about? Do you know?? Apparently they leaked files too or something???

I hope everything is okay.

  -Harley

 

~~~

 

Friday, September 12, 2014, 10:27AM 

From: tes@starkindustries.com

To: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

Subject: Re: STEM Program

Hey kid. Sorry for the late response, things have been hectic here, as you probably know. It's been a PR nightmare, with the whole "Cap took SHIELD down" fiasco. I can't say more than that though. Legal things, NDAs, you know how it is.

I'm glad the STEM classes are testing your abilities more. I know the regular classes can be boring for someone of your intellect, but try to enjoy them while they last, okay? Soon you'll be an adult, and doing adult things, and trust me, it isn't as fun as they make it out to be in the movies either.

Don't worry about those kids too. Give it time, they'll come around.

  -The Mechanic

 

~~~

 

Friday, September 26, 2014, 9:02PM

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: Update?

Hi. Just emailed to give an update on me. Everything's been pretty normal, I guess. Abbie's loving elementary school, her teacher, Mrs. Millar, is really nice. I did my trig test today, and I think I did well. Mama's working late again tonight, but that's just normal at this point too.

Have you ever, I dunno. Felt like you were weird? Or strange, or broken? Like, all of your friends are one way, and doing some things, but you aren't, and everyone looks at you weird, and treats you differently?

I don't know. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel off tonight. Think I'm going to go to bed early.

I'm sorry.

  -Harley

 

~~~

 

Friday, September 26, 2014, 9:48PM 

From: tes@starkindustries.com

To: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Update?

 

You don't need to apologize, kid. You did nothing wrong.

I used to feel like that, quite frequently if I'm being honest. When I first went to MIT, I felt weird. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and had people talk about me behind my back because of how young I was. But then I met Rhodey, and things got better.

And then Afghanistan happened. And the invasion. Let me tell you kid, I've never felt more broken and alone after that. I had panic attacks, as you know, but I also struggled with a lot of paranoia. Lack of sleeping or eating properly, mixed with trauma does that to you. I was a wreck, and I was so certain I couldn't be fixed. That I'd be like that forever.

And to an extent, I will be. I'll always struggle with it, but it's much, much better now than it used to be. I went to therapy, talking about my feelings, which sucked ass (don't tell your mom I said that), and learned mechanisms to help myself. Learned breathing techniques, practiced meditation, focused more on self care, and now I'm doing so much better.

So, moral of this long, way too personal story. You aren't broken, kid. Whatever is going on, whether it's similar to me or not (I hope not), it'll be okay. You will be okay. Things will work out. And don't worry about what other people think. Focus on yourself, and do what makes you happy, no matter what.

I'm always here if you need to talk, Harley. I might not be much help, or be very good at this whole hormonal preteen emotions thing yet, but I can try.

I'm glad things are going okay outside of that though. I'm glad your sister's settling in well, and I'm sure you aced your test. You're a smart kid.

Goodnight.

  -Tony

 

~~~

 

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014, 3:38PM

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: Call

Hey, can we call? I know you're probably busy, and we don't normally do that but I'm kinda freaking out about something and I don't know who else to talk to. My number is (___)  ___-____

  -Harley

 

~~

 

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014, 3:41PM

From: countryroadstakemehometotennessee@gmail.com

To: tes@starkindustries.com

Subject: Re: Call

Nevermind, ignore that last email. I was being overdramatic, and stupid. I'm fine, everything is okay.

Sorry for bothering you.

  -Harley

 

---

 

He didn't expect anything from the emails. He assumed the older man would've read his last email, and shrugged it off, pretending the previous didn't exist like Harley longed for him too. As he said, he was being dumb. It didn't matter that his heart was pounding, that his brain was screaming at him that he was a freak, and dirty, and so so so wrong , that he was shaking like a leaf and on the verge of tears. It didn't matter. It was stupid. It didn't matter.

He didn't expect that Tony would actually still call him.

He stares at his vibrating cell phone through teary eyes, blurry vision, the number unknown but he knows who it is, knows it because nobody else calls, because when his friends call, they call the home phone, not his phone, so who else could it be?

He blinks the tears out of his eyes, rubbing them away quickly when a few escape, swallowing down his fear and panic and self hatred as he scrambles to pick it up before the call ends (he doesn't think Tony would appreciate it very much if he let it ring to voicemail), stuttering out a shaky, higher pitched "H-Hello?"

"Hey, kid." Tony's voice, much lower and rougher than his, rings through the phone, and Harley braces for the questions, the interrogation he knows is coming, knows Tony's gonna ask him about it, about what's bothering him. Why, why did he email him? Now he's gonna have to tell him what's wrong, now he's gonna have to admit it, admit how wrong and messed up and broken he is- "How was your day?"

Harley jerks back slightly, mouth gaping and eyes wide, caught off guard by the unexpected tame question. "Huh?"

"How was your day?" The man repeats calmly, tone smooth, even, relaxed, like it's a normal conversation on a normal, boring day. Nothing like how Harley is feeling, nothing like the swarming thoughts in his mind, like the flood of emotions in his chest, like the churning in his stomach, the burning ache in his lungs. 

"U-uhm," Damn his stutter, he had grown out of it years ago, why was it suddenly coming back now? "I-it was good." He lies, trying to keep his voice from wavering, trying to keep it steady, trying to stay composed as the tsunami of emotions tries to pull him under. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Tony prods lightly, voice softening slightly, and Harley shakes his head in a nod, firm, even though Tony can't see it, even as tears start to burn at his eyes again, even his chest winds tighter and tighter and tighter .

"Mhm." He forces out, not trusting himself to speak anymore, his throat closing as his feelings start rising up his esophagus, a sob clawing its way up his throat, trying to escape.

There's a pause, then, a moment when everything freezes. A moment right before the iceberg tips, right before everything crashing and burning down around him, right before the beginning of the end. And then, time starts again, as the mechanic asks, quiet, hushed "What's going on, Harley?"

And Harley crumbles .

The sob rips from his throat, echoing loudly in the large emptiness of his garage, a trembling hand covering his mouth as soon as he does. But the floodgates have already opened, tears are streaming full force down his face, his body shuttering through shaky gasps and shattered sobs. "I-I-Im sorry ," He chokes out as he sits down heavily in his old, pachy wheely chair, curling into himself as his body shutters again. He rubs his eye with the hand on his face, sniffling and coughing through a whimpered, "I-I know you're- you're probably b-busy, you- you don't h-have to-"

"I have nowhere else to be." Tony murmurs simply, cutting off Harley's poor attempt at waving him off, at delaying the inevitable for any longer. Harley lets out a small whine as the older man speaks up again, soft, soothing, repeating gently, "What's going on, kid?"

"I-I dont-" He hiccups, running a hand through his shaggy, too long blond curls, tugging slightly as his knee bounces rapidly. "M-My friends, or my classmates, they- lately, they've been, I don't know, they've been talking- talking more about crushes and girls and stuff." Harley sniffles, tugging his hair harder as his vision starts to blur again, the words tumbling out of his mouth now. "And- and I never really c-cared about it, you know? I never really- really unders-stood it, didn't see the appeal, s-so I didnt m-mind it. But they- they just keep talking about it, and getting g-girlfriends, and-and talking about their bodies and I didnt get the- the i-interest, so I thought maybe something was wrong with me-"

"There isn't." Tony chips in, but Harley just runs right over him, keeps blabbering. He knows it's rude, knows his mama taught him better, but he can't seem to stop talking now that he started, his words getting more and more wobbly, panicked the longer he goes.

"But there is , there is something wrong with me, I- I know there is now, be-because when I-I went to school today, the- the past few days really, I started- started noticing that I started f-feeling weird, and- and it sounds- sounds similar to how the- the others say they feel, but it doesn't make sense , it can't be that, I dont- I cant-" Harley's breath catches, and he grinds his teeth together, refuses to speak another word, refuses to accept it, refuses to admit the god awful truth, refuses to utter the words. Because it can't be right, it can't be true, it can't be-

They sit in silence for a few moments, when he assumes Tony thought he would continue speaking but he wont, he refuses , until the softer, calmer voice returns, slightly staticky through the speaker, but barely more than a whisper, as if he spoke any louder, Harley would shatter. He probably would. "So, if I'm understanding correctly, you think you have a crush, and you're... scared?"

He doesn't sound patronizing, just honest, if a bit curious, but it doesn't help calm Harley any, a higher pitched, frustrated noise escaping the back of his throat, his free hand going out of his hair going back to rubbing at his face, rubbing off the tracks of tears, trying to rub away any sign of upset, until his skin is red and raw. "No, I-I mean, kinda- its not- I can't- god , this is so stupid."

"Its not stupid. I get it." The man responds, and Harley wants to laugh, feels the bitter feeling bubbling in his chest, because does he? How can he get this? Harley doesn't even get this, it doesn't- he shouldn't- "What's her name?"

The sound erupts out of him at that, but instead of laughter like he thought it would be, it's just another pitiful whine, another loud, agonizing sob. Because that's the thing, the thing that's been haunting him ever since he figured it out earlier that day, the issue that's been plaguing his mind and freaking him out, winding him up more and more and more as the day went on until he got home and sent those messages. 

Because- because when he thinks back to earlier that day, he thinks of lunchtime, of sitting at his lunch table with his "friends", of them talking and laughing, of Harley feeling those weird feelings again, especially when he looked across from him, and saw big, forest green eyes, saw a big, toothy grin, saw two small dimples and scattered freckles, saw short, short black hair, saw a sharper, thinner jaw, saw male male male, felt butterflies flutter, and realized he was wrong, wrong, wrong .

Because- "It's not a girl." His voice is small, defeated, barely a whisper, his whole body tensed up in fear, waiting, waiting for his reaction.

There's a pause, before a faint, quiet, sympathetic, "Oh, kid." That Harley immediately the wrong way, because he hates him, oh god he hates him-

"I'm sorry!" He gasps, jerking upright, sitting ramrod straight and the apologies spilling from his mouth. "I'm so sorry, I didnt- I dont mean to, and I-I know its wrong, and I shouldn't, and I-I know I'm weird and- and a freak , and-"

"Hey, hey, woah!" Tony's voice is louder now, stronger, and Harley hushes up immediately, his mouth slamming shut, even as his body trembles with a silent sob. "It's okay, kid. You aren't any of that."

"But- but I am!" Harley whimpers. "I'm w-weird, and everyone else isn't like this , and-"

"Am I a freak?" Again, the random question sends Harley for a loop, trying to grasp onto any of his quickly scattering thoughts.

"W-what?"

He can hear a faint smile, faint amusement in Tony's tone as he asks again, still so so calm, so reassured, "Am I a freak?"

Harley narrows his shining eyes, still full of tears, staring down at the wooden table in front of him, at the chips and nicks covering the side of it, wondering if this is a trick question. "N-No? Of- of course not, you're Iron Man."

He can hear some noise in the background of the call now, squeaking as if someone's leaning back in a chair, before Tony speaks up again, voice full of warm amusement now. "Well, Iron Man has had a few rendezvous with men in the past, and still likes them to this day. Does that make him, and therefore, me, a freak?" When Harley doesn't answer, mostly out of pure shock than anything else, Tony keeps going, tone going serious again. "Kid, I'm gonna get this out there right away. There is nothing wrong with you for liking boys, you hear me?"

He swallows, and wants to agree, longs to agree, but- "But- but my friends, they all like- like girls , and mama, she- she said that traditional marriage was what God wanted and-"

Harley cuts himself off this time, and Tony only waits a few beats before murmuring softly, "Is that what you think?"

He just shrugs, picking at the table, sniffling, whispering quietly, "I don't know what to think anymore."

There's a soft hum and another pause. "You're different, Harley. I'm not going to beat around the bush, you are different." Harley stomach drops. "But," Tony continues, "Kid, you've always been different. You're so smart, way too smart for your own good, if I'm being honest. And there's nothing wrong with that. People may try to bring you down, or kick you while you are down, but you've gotta remember that, okay? There is nothing wrong with you."

Harley waits a few moments, let's the words wash over him and wrap him in a blanket of warmth, of security and comfort, but there's still one little thing that keeps rearing its ugly head, that's still making him antsy. "But, what if I'm just- overreacting? And I don't actually... y-you know." He finishes lamely, still not ready to completely admit to everything yet.

Tony doesn't seem to mind. "Then that's okay too." He says simply, a bit of shuffling coming through the line. "Kid, how old are you again, like twelve?"

He can hear the teasing in his tone, and rolls his eyes as he huffs out, "Thirteen." 

The older man chuckles for a second, before his voice goes back to calm, quiet. "Seriously though, you're thirteen , Kid. You don't need to have everything figured out right away." He snorts, then. "I sure didn't. I think I was a mess at your age, wasn't even thinking about relationships. At least, not long term." There's a pause. "Point is, you don't need to know right now. This might be a fluke, and you might end up liking only girls from here on out. You might end up just liking boys, liking both, or neither, who knows? But you've got time, kid, and that's the key. Give it time . And whatever it ends up being, whatever ends up happening..." His voice softens at the end, a smile prominent in his tone. "It'll be okay. You will be okay." 

For the first time all day, Harley finally takes a deep breath. His shoulders finally relax, his body practically melting back into his chair, and a smile grows on his face, warmth blooming in his chest. "...thanks, Tony." He whispers, hoping that the amount of pure, unfiltered gratitude he's feeling can be heard in his tone.

He thinks it can, as there's a hint of embarrassment and awkwardness in Tony's voice as he responds with a simple, "Don't mention it, squirt." 

Harley just chuckles at the sudden discomfort of the older man, before his eyes widen. "Oh! While you're here, did I tell you I passed my trig test?"

"Hey! I knew you would, kid, I had no doubt." Harley's grin widens, before he throws himself into another story, feeling warmer, safer, and happier than he has in a while.

A few years later, Tony was getting off of the elevator to his penthouse with a huff, having just gotten back from a rough meeting, when he freezes. His heart warma and a smile grows on his face when he notices Harley, now 17 years old (almost an adult, god he was so old ), curled up into Peter's chest, his face pushed into his neck, seemingly fast asleep. Peter's head rests on top of Harley's, eyes open but hooded, as if keeping them open was getting difficult. They glance over to Tony immediately, though (damn his spider sense and increased hearing), and a faint blush forms on his cheeks even as he smiles lightly, his eyes softening as he glances back down at his boyfriend and presses a firm kiss onto his head. Tony watches the interaction with a soft grin, before quietly stepping away, his chest full of mostly warm, sappy feelings, but also full of pride and joy, knowing his pseudo son is accepted, happy and loved.

[dandelliongirl]

What a year

2020 was..

The last time I wrote anything it was April, and now it is the 23rd of December and I’m about to go spend Christmas with my family. My last failed attempt at christmas bread is in the oven (for some reason it didn’t proof at all, I guess I put too much flour in..) and I’m cooking up some Christmas porridge on the stove. Watch me burn that in a moment too.. For some reason this whole autumn has been a very stressful disaster. I am still working from home and just logged myself off of work until the 7th of January 2021. Maybe because I’ve been working from home it feels difficult to get into holiday mode. At least we got some snow today so it looks beautiful.

Spring and summer 2020 were an absolute dream! With no responsibilities and the possibility to work from anywhere I got to spend so much time with my family and at our summer house away from the stress of the real world. I could not have dreamt of a better summer, and apart from strawberry picking (at an actual farm, not just from my own strawberry plants) I got to finish off my summer’s to-do list. I even made a cute little summer video with my old Canon EOS 100D (yes - I have a new Canon EOS 90D now!). Endless days of exploration, swimming, biking, sauna, gardening, having lunch with the midsummer roses, baking rhubarb galettes with my own rhubarb from the garden, biking to the ice cream van, SUP-boarding with dad and spending so much time outdoors made me happier than I could ever be. I cannot believe how many beautiful things COVID has given me despite it’s awful impact on the world.

The start of the autumn semester was chaotic to say the least. Practically all of our system integrations are behind one developer, and he happened to be on vacation when everything went down, and study rights did not transfer correctly. This lead to an insane rush of support requests across the board, and lots of extra stress. I was exhausted and scared after last autumn’s disasters and definitely didn’t need another one to start the new semester. I’m starting to seriously fear August... Other universities have tens of people in their technical support, and we have TWO (sometimes 3). In more positive news I was given a permanent job contract starting August, which was amazing, and makes me so grateful especially during a year when many lose their jobs and get laid off. I guess that also contributes to my levels of stress as I cannot hide behind “I just work here for another few months”, but I have to actually take responsibility and ownership as a permanent team member.

Basically a lot of things escalated at work this autumn because our entire staff is way over burdened with COVID changes and the systems not working in an ideal fashion. Because our organisation does not have clear and defined process ownerships many changes come alongside the implementation of new systems, which puts me as a system admin (and not a process expert) in an awkward position. Hopefully our organisation will be able to develop and reconfigure responsibilities with some outside help, but for some reason my hopes aren’t very high.. All in all the anger and frustration of the organisation has been reflecting on the way people treat us and each other and as an empath it has been very exhausting. Luckily my new team is amazing and I’m having so much fun working with them - even though we aren’t physically working together at the office. I cannot imagine how it would be if my previous colleague hadn’t left. I hope she is happy and thriving as well!

All in all what got me through the autumn was the fact that I got to work from home. Being able to take a 10-15 minute nap when things got overwhelming pretty much saved me. Also the fact that I can wear whatever, make tea or snacks whenever I need to and don’t have to spend time moving from one location to the other. My guy got his own computer desk and a proper chair, and we’ve both been working from our very crammed but cozy livingroom. Even though our hobbies have been on and off I’ve gotten a few moments to myself and have also gotten used to doing my thing even though he is always here. No big relationship drama apart from the occasional little argument.

Ballet and body combat got to continue in person for most of the season. The last couple of weeks of ballet classes were on Teams, and the last body combat class was on Facebook with the season ending a couple of weeks early, but other than that having hobbies outside the house definitely helped. I have also loved having my ballet friend stay home instead of studying abroad. Obviously it sucks for her because it has meant a lot of changes to her plans, but I’ve needed her so much, and enjoyed our walks, hanging out together, going to ballet and the hours we spent outside talking on our way back. Ballet classes have been pretty easy as we only go to pointe and adult classes, but at least we are having fun together, and I like to somewhat maintain my skills even though I am not improving by miles. It’s also easier for the body as I’m definitely no longer a teenager. Starting next year we’ll have a fancy new studio!

After the relaxing summer it has definitely felt like I don’t have enough hours in a day or days in a week to do everything I need to. I cannot believe how I used to do all this and so much more pre-COVID but I guess it’s all because Animal Crossing didn’t take anywhere between 30 minutes to 5-8 hours a day. Oops. Needless to say I have been loving ACNH even though the Halloween and Turkey Day events were a bit too easy compared to New Leaf. I have high hopes for Toy Day tomorrow (YIKES! TOMORROW?) even though I haven’t had to go through the usual process of noting down all my villagers’ wishes, which I definitely miss. I am sad the diy recipe RNG has been so bad though. I’ve spent a couple of days spawning balloons on my beach, and never got the big Christmas tree diy in time. Maybe I’ll get it tonight but it’s definitely too late for this year.. Maybe next year then. I didn’t struggle this much with the maple and mush series diys..

So yeah, last summer me and my friend finished our old photography project and I edited the last sets of photos to give the finished book for her as a Christmas present. I love the project a lot because the learning curve is so apparent between photoshoots, and I found my “style” throughout the process. My EOS 100D started to get weird electronical bugs and definitely wasn’t running very well anymore, so after insane amounts of research I decided to get the EOS 90D from a Black Friday sale. I still need a memory card and a new camera bag for it since it’s so much bigger, but I’ve already planned out some future photoshoots and the theme of the new project, which can be described as “Adventure”, “Expedition” or “Discovery”. I just hope my friend will have time to model for me because I’m yearning to go try my new camera out.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary with a friend couple who started dating a week after we did. We took an extended weekend trip to a national park, a spa and a rental cabin. It was so much fun and a very special way to celebrate 10 years together. Especially with an exceptional year like this one has been.

Yesterday me and mum went to granny and grandpa’s place to help with the last of their Christmas preparations, take over some food and sing Christmas songs. I took our old piano book with me and mum played the piano while we sang. Grandpa got teary eyed during a special song and it was so incredibly bittersweet. I don’t want to lose my grandparents but I know it won’t be long since they are both approaching 100 years. I am so thankful for them, and for the time I’ve gotten to spend with them. I just wish I could remember more of it. It seems so unfair that we never have enough time with all our loved ones, and there are so many childhood memories other people remember that I don’t. I wish I could go back in time and observe myself spending time with my grandparents to memorise everything. If I ever have children I’m going to take so many photos and videos to preserve as much as I can for them.

In my post from April I wrote that I had been looking at houses and vacant lots. Well, the house of a childhood friend of mine is listed and I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve arranged my mortgage and left an offer. The sellers didn’t accept my first offer so now I’m going to see the house again on the 30th to see if it’s wort raising my offer. I like the house but it’s definitely a bit inconvenient as it is a 3 storey house and way too big and expensive for our current needs. I just really like the area and it is one of the best houses in that neighborhood. I’m going to let things progress naturally though, and if I end up with the house then it was meant to be. If someone else makes a higher offer I won’t be upset either since we have no immediate need to move. It’s just a bit crammed in our current apartment and I would definitely like to have an actual office for my photography equipment, and a sewing machine/crafting space.

Looks like my christmas bread cracked pretty badly but at least it rose a little in the oven.. Hopefully it is edible. At least the one I made for granny and grandpa turned out better.. Time to go scarf down the last of my porridge (which I didn’t burn by the way!) and then try to get all my stuff over to mum and dad’s place. Christmas preparations this year have been crazy busy and I definitely regret not being able to enjoy the season enough but hopefully I’ll get more in the spirit tonight. I’m really happy with the gifts I got mum, dad and my guy this year (online and early in October/November to avoid the rush).

I’m hoping to make a new year’s post on here as well either before 2021 or during the first week. I just like writing things down so that I can look back on where I’ve been. :)

Happy holidays whether you’re spending them with your loved ones (in real life or through a video call) or alone.

[purplesurveys]

997

survey by deirdrelove

What is today’s date? October 26th.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Just work. All weekdays are for work.

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Usually, perfume. I have colognes too, but I like the scent of my main perfume far more so that’s what I choose to wear most of the time.

What kind of computer are you using? I have a Macbook Air.

What colour is your mouse? I haven’t used one in years. A trackpad has been reliable enough.

Is it sunny outside? It’s not. I’m not updated on the news but I think we’re supposed to have a really powerful typhoon pass by for the next few days, so the wind has been violent and howling all morning. Some of my co-workers have had power outages at home only used their mobile data today so yeah, it’s not looking too good. I’ve closed my windows for the meantime so that they don’t smash just in case the wind blows too hard.

What has the weather been like lately? It’s been very cold all weekend because of the rain, but it also gets humid every now and then. Still, it’s cold enough for me to turn off my fan all day which is good enough.

When was the last time you cried? Last night, I think.

When was the last time you sincerely smiled? I don’t remember. Maybe last night or yesterday afternoon.

When was the last time you laughed freely? I can’t tell you. I really can’t remember when the last time was. I’ve chuckled here and there, of course; it just hasn’t been hearty for a while now.

Do you eat breakfast regularly? No. I only have a cup of coffee so that I can get properly awake for workkk.

Do you take vitamins? Not regularly.

When was the last time you took aspirin or some other pain reliever? Saturday. I had a headache and was feeling a little dizzy so I had to take a Biogesic.

When did you learn to tie your shoes? Kinder 2, when I was five. One of our ‘exams’ was for the teachers to check if we can already tie our shoes, so my grandma had to teach me. I’m super awful with my hands though, and to this day I still struggle with tying my shoelaces and I still take longer than anyone I know.

What was your favourite grade in elementary school? 5th was fun until things fell apart by the end of it; 7th was great throughout.

Do you like clouds? I like when it’s cloudy, but I don’t lie on the ground and look at clouds.

What colour are your shoelaces? I have several shoes, but I think all of their shoelaces are white.

How many states have you been to? 0.

How many different countries have you been to? 6.

When was the last time you deeply regretted something? September.

Do you go to other people for advice or do you deal with things on your own? I like hearing what my friends have to think because whenever I’ve done things on my own I always fuck it up one way or another, and that sensation gets tiring at some point. Having other perspectives and voices helps as well.

How long was your longest relationship? 4 years.

What is your favourite brand of gum? I don’t have one considering they all lose their taste after a few chews. Whenever someone has gum and shares a piece with me, I just take it regardless of the brand.

What is something that you regularly wear that makes you stand out? I don’t know if I have anything like that. I hate standing out, anyway.

Do you own a debit card? Yuh.

A credit card? Nope.

Are you in debt? I am not.

When is your birthday? *sigh* Again, April 21st...

How old will you be? I’ll be 23.

What kind of cake is your favourite? Cheesecake! Flourless chocolate cakes and red velvet cakes are also great.

Do you prefer small birthday parties or big ones? For parties held by relatives I like them to be big, because it’s always nice to reunite with distant family members that I never get to see. With friends, small and intimate parties do the trick for me.

What song are you listening to now? No music, and I have a YouTube video paused.

Do you download illegal mp3's? I used to convert YouTube videos of audio tracks into MP3, if that counts. I never directly downloaded MP3s though; I always heard horror stories of those things containing viruses or the downloaded file not even storing the actual song.

What was the most traumatic experience of your life? [trigger warning] Being the main witness to my drunk grandfather beating the ever-living shit out of my infant cousin in his stupor when I was 9, and bearing the responsibility to tell that cousin’s mom, who was cooking dinner. I’m pretty sure I aged like 15 years from that moment alone.

Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? No.

Who was your childhood best friend? Angela.

Are you still friends now? Yeah, for sure. I just asked her for dyeing tips an hour ago.

If not, why?

Are you sitting at a desk right now? Yes.

Are you eating or drinking? Nope, but I’ll be having dinner in about an hour or so.

How many surveys have you taken today? This is the first one.

Have you ever made a survey? No. I’m not the best in coming up with interesting random questions, so I’ve never given it a shot. Others are way better at it.

If you haven't you should. Its fun. =] I’m sure it is, but I really don’t think I’m creative enough for it.

Did you ever have any sort of collection? Nah.

Do you believe in Karma? I don’t subscribe to the entire concept as it’s defined in Hinduism, but yeah sometimes I’ll refer to its more informal description whenever someone does something that upsets me.

What do you thinks happens to us when we die? Permanent sleep.

What age do you think you'll die? My late relatives all passed between the ages of 70 to early 80s, so maybe by then. But idk, I hope I get my great-grandma’s longevity (she died at 95) because I’m still competitive when it comes to age and I wanna make it to that high a number, ha.

If you knew you had one more month to live what would you do? Well first I’d give out a sigh of relief because thank fuck. After that I’d probably spend the whole month eating all my favorite foods and traveling, at least to the cities that are now accepting visitors. I’d write down instructions for Kimi so that he’s properly cared for, give away my stuff, try to see some friends before it all ends.

About how long was the last book you read? It’s around 600 pages but I’m barely 50 pages in.

Have you read any books by V.C.Andrews? I don’t think so.

Have you ever read a play before? Yes.

A play not written by Shakespeare? Yes.

Have you ever read a play outside of school? Yeah, I have.

What is one career you don't think you could do no matter how much it paid? Engineer.

Would you want to live in the country or the city? City, without a doubt. I like the countryside and it’s certainly relaxing, but I need things to be constantly going on; I like my environment to be hectic, be loud, be busy. Too much quiet isn’t good for me.

Do you prefer large cities or small ones? Large.

Do you/Did you ride the school bus? Yep.

If not how did you get to school?

Do you have iTunes on your computer? Yeah but only because I’m on a Mac and I’m not sure if I can remove the app from my laptop. I haven’t used iTunes since high school though, and if I could I’d get rid of it.

Have you ever edited Wikipedia? Yeah, when I was like 10 lol. It wasn’t to mess around with an entry though; I saw an inaccuracy and genuinely wanted to help out.

Have you ever edited any other wiki? I’m sure I edited more than one page.

Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? I don’t think so.

Are you procrastinating? Nope, all my homework for the day’s been done.

Do/Did you make good grades in school? In college, yes. I paid less attention in high school and my grades occasionally showed it.

What is your relationship with your parents like? It’s very casual and not very deep at all. I don’t confide in them, and the thought actually makes me squirm. I’m still skeptical of my mom and I don’t let myself get invested in her after the hurt she’s put me through in the last few years, but at least we don’t yell at each other as much anymore.

Do you have a better relationship with one parent than the other? You can say that. I get along better with my dad.

Do you look like your mom or your dad? Mom. But for some friends, my dad.

Do you write things on your hand to remind yourself? This is what I did in high school, but I haven’t done it since.

Do you use your phone as an alarm? If I need an alarm, yes.

Do you listen to music while you sleep? Nope, but similar. I turn on videos because talking sounds make me sleepy much faster.

Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I mean if it’s like a plague then yeah, obviously. But to connect this question to today’s situation - after getting used to Covid stats and seeing the ratio of those who die from it vs those who end up healing from it, I’ve highkey stopped being afraid of it lol

Are you realistic? Yes.

Do you sing in the shower? Nope.

[creativewritingpracticestudio]

Sirens(Onesided!Lip Gallagher x Reader)(Season 1)

This takes place during season 1.

Trigger warnings: Underage drinking, alcoholism,implied violence/physical abuse, slight mentions of sexual assault.

Pairings: onesided Lip x reader, platonic Ian x reader, mentions of Ian x Mickey, Ian x Kash, and Lip x Karen

Enjoy. Feel free to send requests. Please like and reblog.

Your lips curled into a grimace as you pressed the cigarette to your lips. God, these things are fucking disgusting. How the fuck do the Gallagher’s do this shit? You thought to yourself as you spat onto the grass, trying to clean out the flavor. You weren’t completely sure why you smoked. After all, you hated cigarettes. They made your mouth taste bad and they made you feel shitty. But, of course, that wasn’t true; you knew why you smoked them. Cuz Lip does. That was your reasoning for almost every bad habit you had. Everything you did revolved around that big-nosed son of a bitch. He hadn’t spoken to you in months and yet he was still there.

Your depressing thoughts were interrupted by a familiar sound; sirens. The blue and red lights flashed across your fave as an ambulance drove past you. Someone was hurt, badly. You liked sirens. They felt familiar. Comforting. In a dark way, they reminded you that things could be worse; you could be in an ambulance right now, crying and bleeding and in pain instead of in front of the grocery store that Ian worked at, smoking and freezing your ass off. Of course, you being there was your fault. You need alcohol and you needed it bad. You could have chosen to stay in your warm house and steal beer from your father, but then you would have risked being beaten had you been caught. You’d stick with the fake ID approach, thank you.

After another puff, you decided to stop stalling-the cigarette smoke was getting to you. You dropped the cigarette, crushed it under your shoe, and jogged across the street to Kash’s store. When you walked in, Ian’s voice called to you from behind the chip rack-“(Y/n)! Hey!” A smile spread over your face as he walked towards you. “Hey, Ian.” Ian was the only Gallagher who you still talked to after Lip stopped hanging out with you. Most likely because you were one of the only people who knew he was gay and who treated him like normal regardless. Of course, you’d found out his secret long before anyone else had, even Lip.

You and Ian had been friends longer than you and Lip had, and you had been Ian’s first girlfriend when he was in 6th and you were in 7th. You held hands and shared cookies and watched movies at his house while his mom and dad screamed at each other and then watched them as they went upstairs to have sex. A year later, when he was in 7th and you were in 8th, while in your secret spot(the swings behind your house), you asked him why he didn’t want to kiss you like the other boys kissed their girlfriends.

After a silent moment, Ian had admitted that he had thought about kissing another boy in your class, and not you. That he couldn’t imagine kissing a girl. And, after stunned silence, you had hugged him and stroked his hair while he cried and begged you not to tell anyone. After that, you and Ian broke up, pretending it was due to lame couple shit when in reality you didn’t want people asking why you and him didn’t kiss or fuck or do anything everyone else did. He was still your closest friend.

“So, what the hell are you doing here? It’s late. You usually pass out by 8.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “None of your business, dweeb.” You ruffled his hair and walked over to the beer aisle, scanning the various bottles on the shelves, looking for a 12 pack of the strongest beer available. “Um, okay? Since when do you drink?” Ian followed you over and crossed his arms. “Since I decided that sprite just wasn’t cutting it. What’s the strongest kind you got?” Ian stared at you for a moment, seeming to notice that something wasn’t right with you, but eventually averted his eyes and pointed to a particular beer. “That one.”

You grinned at him. “Thanks, babes.” You plucked the box of beer from the aisle and store over to the register. “Where’s Kash at, anyhow? Did you give him bad dick or something?” Ian grimaced. “Linda’s fertile right now.” “Ah. Say no more.” You nodded empathetically and let the ginger boy ring up your box before sliding him a $50. He spoke as he kept his eyes on the register. “Me and Mickey are still going on.” You raised a brow. “Ooo. Interesting. I should go for Mandy so we match.” He laughed and started to hand you the remaining money. “Keep the change, hun. Fiona and you guys probably needs it more than me, aye?”

He smiled half-heartedly. “That’s for sure. So, whats the beer for?” You blinked. “Uh, to drink?” He rolled his eyes. “You know what i mean.” “Nothing, Ian. Just need a stress reliever. That’s all.” “If you say so. Just, please, don’t pull a Frank on me. I know Lip’s being an ass but I can’t lose you. Who else will supply me with gay porn mags?” You grinned at him. “Aw. Glad I’m needed. And don’t ever compare me to that bastard. I love you, Ian. Give Lip a throat punch for me.” He smiled. “Sure thing. I love you too. Come by the house sometime and I’ll tell you about Mickey a little more, yeah? Lip will probably be out screwing Karen.” You nodded. “I will. Night, Ian.” And with that, you waved goodbye and started on your way home.

The next day, you woke up to someone pounding on your front door. Groaning, you started to sit up and then grabbed your head in pain as a glass bottle rolled off the bed and smashed on the floor. Shit. How much had you had to drink last night? You checked the floor. 7 bottles. Out of 12. Holy. Fucking. Shit. The pounding on the door resumed, and your head started pounding with it. You winced, swallowed down some Tylenol, and went for the door. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Hold your fucking horses, god damn it.” You swung the door open. “Hey, (Y/n). Been a while.”

You blinked. “What the hell are you doing here, Lip? Where’s that blonde bitch at? Screwing one of your friends or something?” “Karen’s not hanging out with me til later.” “Ah.” The two of you stared at each other in silence. “So, what the fuck do you want then?” Lip shuffled awkwardly for a second and then shoved his hands in his pockets. “Ian said you bought some beer yesterday.” You glared. “That little shit. Why the fuck would he tell you that?” “I asked him where he got the $40 from. He didn’t want to tell me but I forced it out. What was the beer for? Your dad? He doesn’t need anymore of that shit you know, he’s turning out like Frank-“ “Don’t ever compare my Dad to yours. Ever. Your dads a lazy drunk-ass fuck who couldn’t give a shit less about his kids. Mine just likes to beat me the shit outta me sometimes. It’s different. Don’t lecture me.”

Now Lip looked suspicious. “Then what was it for?” “Why do you care?” “Cuz I know you. Last time you drank beer, you overdid it and almost got fucking alcohol poisoning. You can’t handle beer.” “Yes I can. Don’t tell me what to do. And actually, I drank like 7 last night. Cuz I’m not your child. And I can do whatever the hell I want. Stop acting like a fucking Dad, you drink too.” “But I don’t over drink. I’m not like Frank. You are. You can’t handle it. Just because you’re jealous about Karen doesn’t mean you should cope with alcohol-“ “Oh my god, shut the fuck up, you narcissistic asshole! Shut up! I’m not fucking jealous of your whore! I’ll drink if I want and fuck if I want and smoke if I want and I don’t need your permission! You made your choice. You picked Karen. Leave, now! I’m coming by later to hang with Ian, so you and the whore better not be there. You’re lucky my dad left for work or he’d have kicked your ass for knocking so loud. Fuck you. Have a nice day.” And you shut the door in his face before he could reply.

Your face was now red from anger. Your hands shaking, you went upstairs, threw up in the bathroom, took some more Tylenol and then curled up on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Fuck him. God, he was so condescending. That was the first time he’d talked to you in a couple of months and it was to scold you like a child for drinking. He drank too. He did all of this shit too. He had done that shit with you so many times you couldn’t even count. What was his problem? Your lip quivered as you felt tears forming. You thought about how close the two of you used to be.

Swinging together behind your house, sneaking into each other’s rooms to cuddle and talk about your shitty lives, watching the stars and whispering to each other, sneaking into movies, shoplifting candy bars and fizzy drinks to eat as you sat in his car to watch the sunrise or the sunset. He was your best friend and your first love and your rock and he was everything. All you had besides Ian, except Ian didn’t kiss you or hold your hand like Lip did. Lip was a boyfriend without the commitment, a lover without the title. And you adored him. It had been this way for 2 years, since you were 14 and he was 15. And then, 3 months ago, just a month before he abandoned you, it all came to a peak. The most amazing moment of your life.

The two of you had snuck out at 3 in the morning on a warm, starry night, each armed with snacks and a flashlight, along with blankets and pillows. You met underneath the train tracks, and laid out the pillows and blankets into a small makeshift bed. Lip pulled you down onto the pallet, hugging you close and pulled the blanket over you, and you laid in his arms and watched the trains go by. During a quiet moment, he whispered that you were beautiful, and kissed you, and, after a few moments, you let him make love to you right there under the tracks as trains went by. He took your virginity and then held you as you fell asleep, stroking your hair and whispering to you as you dozed.

You started crying. It had been only 3 months ago. 3 months. And now things were so different. That had been the only time you had sex, but it was still fresh in your mind. You had been so sure that he would ask you out afterwards, but he never did. And it had stung a little. But you put up with it because you liked him. And then, a month later, he met Karen. He bragged to you about the hummer she gave him, and then had Ian go to get one too, even though Ian was gay. He started dropping plans to hang with Karen, and talked about how great of a fuck she was when he did make time for you, and eventually stopped coming to hang all together. And it hurt so fucking bad. Why weren’t you good enough? You lay on your bed, curled up in the fetal position, and cried. Just laid there and sobbed until your eyes were tired and your throat was sore.

You passed out for about 2 hours, woke up. showered off, changed clothes and went to go meet with Ian. Fiona opened the door, hugged you, and asked how you had been. After you caught up for a minute, you asked where Ian was and went up to his room. Sure enough, he was sprawled out on his bed with a magazine in his hand, which he tossed aside when he saw you. “H-hey. Listen, sorry I told Lip but he kept asking where I got the money and I’m not a great lier and-“ “it’s okay, dude, chill! All he did was try to lecture me anyway. Who does that little bitch think he is, telling me what to do? Screw him.” Ian grimaced. “He’s just worried. You used to have to be convinced to even take a sip of something and now you’re out buying 12-packs for yourself. He just doesn’t want you to turn out like-“ “Like Frank. I know, I know. But it’s none of his concern. He left me. He should focus on his bimbo and leave me alone.”

The conversation ended. You sat with Ian and ate cookies as he talked about Mickey and how he was going to Mandy’s to see him more often. Mandy had no qualms with kissing a gay man, so her and Ian were fake dating to have a beard for Ian. You made a sexual joke about taking it up the ass, and Ian laughed and shoved your arm. After a minute of silence when the laughter died down, Ian spoke up. “He misses you, you know.” “Mickey?” “No. Lip. He mentioned you a couple days ago.” Your heart dropped. “What’d he say?” “He said he took Karen to the train tracks like him and you used to do, and it wasn’t as fun. Just said he missed you. Oh, and yesterday Fiona said she missed your pot roast you used to make us on Friday’s and Lip said he did too, so that counts I guess.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’ll make you guys pot roast still. Just won’t eat with you guys.” Ian rolled over into his back and then sat up. “(Y/n). You and Lip need to sort this shit out. I miss you. Everyone misses you. He’s a dickhead and I know that and everyone else knows it. But you need to call him out for it. Make him apologize. Debbie and Carl and Fiona and I miss you a lot. And I’m sure Lip does too even if he acts like he doesn’t think about you. You were different than Karen. You were his best friend. Karen’s just a fuck buddy who he hangs out with sometimes. I’m not saying you should try to go out with him, you could fuck any guy you want really. But just talk it out. Please?”

You stared at the ground for a long minute. You thought it over. As bitter as you were, Ian was right. And you missed being with the Gallagher family. After a moment, you sighed, and relented. “Okay. I’ll confront him. But only for you and Fiona and them. Okay? Now shut up about it.” Ian half smiled and slung an arm around your shoulder. “Thank you. Good luck, yeah? He’ll be home in a few minutes, confront him then.” You agreed, and then the two of you listened to a CD as you waited for Lip to get home.

When the bedroom door swung open, you didn’t dare look. But you didn’t have to anyway. “(Y/n)?” You didn’t look up. Ian looked from you to Lip awkwardly and got up. “I have to go...Uh...do homework. Yeah.” He left the room, and neither you nor Lip moved. “What are you doing here?” You couldn’t answer. You just looked at the ground. “(Y/n), look. I get that you’re upset at me. But you need to let it go. You and I never dated. You’re being jealous over nothing. I’ll try to hang out with you more but you and I were just friends and I don’t know why you thought it was more than that.” Your head snapped up. “What the fuck did you just say?” Lip, sensing he had said the wrong thing, went silent. You slowly stood up.

“You don’t know why I thought it was more than that? Are you fucking serious? Do you actually not get it? Are you that fucking stupid?” Lip said nothing, and you stepped closer, voice rising. “I thought we were more because you acted like we were! You held my fucking hand and kissed me and told me I was beautiful and literally put your fucking dick inside me under the train you took that Karen bitch to! You took my fucking virginity! Of course I thought we were more! I was always there for you! Always! I listened to every single problem and massaged your shoulders when they tensed up and snuck around with you and risked being beaten for you! I was a part of this family! I helped out Fiona and played with Debbie and Carl and punched Frank when he hurt Ian and i loved your family so much and I was always there! And then you tossed me aside like I was a piece of garbage the second that Karen blew you!”

Lip looked remorseful. “(Y/n), I-“ “No! Shut up! It’s my turn to speak. I’m glad I didn’t try to ask what we were a few months ago, cuz I know exactly what you would have said.” Your voice took on a mocking tone as you continued. “You would have said that you liked me, really you did, but you just weren’t ready for a big experience like commitment! And you’d apologize condescendingly for leading me on like that. But you still would be down to fuck because of course you would! Cuz you’re Lip fucking Gallagher and you screw whoever you want, right? That’s all you’re in it for, right? Fuck you! Fuck you so fucking much! You lead me on and then kicked me aside for someone who’d be more open to fuck whenever you wanted, right? Screw you!”

Lip went to speak, but you had one more thing to say. “And by the way, Lip, I’m not letting your dickhead-ness stop me from hanging out with your family. I miss Ian and Fiona and Debbie and Carl. So I’ll still be here. For dinners and babysitting and for Ian. But you won’t be talking to me. Or sitting with me. Or even looking at me. You will leave me alone and let me be at peace without trying to toy with me again. I’m sick and tired of your shit. Be with your whore and leave me alone.” You turned to leave. “(Y/n).” You turned back to look at him. “Yeah?” “I’m sorry.” That was all he said. And it was all he needed to say. His eyes said it all. You nodded. “I know. Goodbye, Lip.” And with that, you turned and walked out of the room, and didn’t look back.

Remember to make requests. This was just an emotional piece, a vent piece. I take requests for one shots, headcanons, imagines, anything. Mostly x reader only, but I do angst fics exploring unrequited love and stuff like that. Like and reblog and send criticism!

[ohshcwrites]

Maybe it’s cuz I’m wearing your cologne (Kyoya x reader)

So, I hope this is good lol. I redid this like 10 times and im still not ‘happy’ with the outcome. Requests are open!

“Hey. Hey, (y/n)? Wake up, we’re going to be late for school.” Kyoya’s voice brought (y/n) to her senses. Shooting up straight in a hurry made the two bump heads.

“Oh crap, That's going to leave a bruise. Sorry babe.”  (y/n) rubbed the growing red spot on her forehead, while using her other hand to run Kyoya’s growing bump.

“You're even clumsy when you just wake up.” Chuckling lowly, Kyoka pulled (y/n) into his chest. “We leave for school in 10 minutes, I have an extra toothbrush in the bathroom.” nodding (y/n) gave Kyoya a small kiss and ran to his bathroom.

Once she finished brushing her hair, teeth, and she washed her face she called out to Kyoya. “Hey, babe?”

Looking up from his solid black notebook he grabbed his and (y/n)’s school bags. “What is it?” It wasn’t normal annoyed voice, this one had a bit of caring undertone to it.

“You wouldn’t happen to have another uniform dress, would you?” Her (s/c) face popped out with her natural (wavy, straight, poofy, etc) hair swinging behind her.

“Kyoya’s mouth turned up at the sight. What turned into an accidental sleepover was probably the best thing that had happened to him in a while. “Now tell me, sweetheart. Have you ever seen me wear a dress to school?”

A bright smile came from (y/n). The exact opposite of what Kyoya that would happen. “Y’know, Haruhi and I were talking and she told me about how the whole host club cross-dressed just to stop her from moving schools.” (y/n) let out a mocking laugh going back into the bathroom to try to fix the wrinkles in her long yellow dress.

With a sour face, Kyoya looked at his watch, “Time to go, I need to have a talk with Haruhi. I got your bag.”

“Huh? Wait, I didn’t shower today! Or get my contact solution! Do you have any perfume I can use.” Sighing Kyoya took her chunky black glasses out of her bag so she could see. (y/n) hated her glasses, she thought it made her face look weird. But on the opposite side, Kyoya loved seeing her wearing glasses. No real reason, he just loved every part of her.

“(y/n), look me in the eyes and tell me if you really think I have perfume.” Kyoya’s sarcastic voice made (y/n) blush as she acknowledged her mistake.

“Okay, at least let me use your cologne. I don’t want any chance of me smelling rank at school.” rolling his eyes Kyoyawalked over to his dresser and grabbed his cologne.

“It’s strong, just use-” too late, (y/n) sprayed one squirt on her neck and one on her wrist rubbing her two wrists together. (y/n) was used to the weak smelling perfume that never lasted for a minute. “One.”

“Ugh. come on, I just want this day to be over.” (y/n) grabbed Kyoya’s hand and pulled him out of his room.

A fond smile found its way onto Koyay’s lips. The saying opposites attract seemed to be true in this situation, and surprisingly Kyoya didn’t mind at all.

Fast walking down the extravagant stairway, the couple came face to face with Kyoya’s father.

“Hello, Sir.” A polite smile spread across (y/n)’s face. “I apologize for staying over without your permission. Kyoya was helping me study, since he is one of the smartest people I know, and I fell asleep.”

“Don’t worry. Your company is always welcome here.” That was the biggest compliment in the world, well at least to (y/n). She was glad that one of their dads approved of their relationship. Yes, (y/n)’s mom knows and she accepts it with a full heart, but her father was a different story.

“Thank you, Sir.  If you would excuse us, we’re running late to school so we best be going. Thank you once again, and for raising such a smart and wonderful son!” With a blush on her face and a red tint on Kyoya’s, they were out of the house and settled into one of the Ootori’s limousine.

“You look beautiful, darling.” Kyoya pulled (y/n) by her waist and kissed her forehead.

“You think so? I’m bare faces, my hair is a mess, and I'm wearing my glasses, plus I didn’t get to shower.” (y/n) whined leaning into Kyoya’s uniform blazer.

“I believe you're gorgeous no matter what you wear.” (y/n) ‘aww’ed and gave Kyoya a lengthy kiss.

“What are we going to tell people when they see us leaving the same car?”

A bit of background information; (y/n)’s father doesn't approve of her dating Kyoya. Why? Well, the (l/n) business was doing much better than the Oortori’s own. (y/n)’s father's plan- not her mothers; she hated it- was for (y/n) to marry up in the business food chain, so to speak. On the other hand, Kyoya’s father was as proud as he could be towards his third son. A marriage between the two families would be a huge deal for the Ootori business.

“Would it be so bad to have our relationship go public?” Of course, Kyoya had his doubts about what people would do and say, most of all how Mr. (l/n) would react.

“You should be worried about the host club. It’s one of the ways you want to show your father you can run your family's company. I’d be happy if we would go on dates outside of your house, but I love the close intimate moments that being alone provided. And with my father, I’d deal with whatever he says or does because I love you that much. I’m not going to leave you, well unless you get tired of me.” sliding her smooth, (s/c) hands to his cheeks making sure she conveys her true feelings to him.

Kyoya moves his face away from her hands and gave a small hum, showing he was deep in thought.

“Well, it looks like we're here. (y/n) go ahead and get out now, ill have the driver pull around.” A cold smile was stuck on his lips, disappointed that (y/n) would want to continue to hide their 7th-month relationship.  

“Kyoya Ootori, I love you! And only you. Don’t you dare doubt that for even a second! I just like you being alive rather than dead. If you were dead then I would kiss you,” With a sweet lingering kiss, (y/n) took her to leave and walked up to her friends as the sleek black limo pulled away.

--------  

“Hey, (y/n)! You're late today. Come on we have class in 10.” another second year, Mina, said as she linked arms with (y/n).

“Wait for me!” A giggling Keia

“Hey, do you smell that?” Keia walked closer to (y/n), smelling the air as she went. “Why do you smell like cologne?” Keia asked with a smirk on her face. The two girls had been trying to convince you to tell them you had a boyfriend. Yet they had no luck or even proof.

“Oh my god! We knew it! You DO have a boyfriend!” The yelling Mina did in the hallway caught most people attention. (y/n) was popular, well not her but the business aspect of it, there would definitely be rumors by the start of lunch if not sooner.

“Hush will you?! If I tell you will you be quiet?” (y/n) snapped, pulling the two girls by their wrists making sure they go to class on time.

“Promise!” Mina and Keia said together.

“Fine, yes I have a boyfriend I’m not saying who. But i-”

“Class has started ladies. If you do not quiet down I will send you somewhere else. Now separate.” The strict voice of the physics teacher rang out, embarrassing all three girls. A little laugh that (y/n) could place anywhere. Fu***n Kyoya Ootori. He was laughing at (y/n)’s pain and no one knew it was him chuckling, which pissed (y/n) off further. Not even giving him the satisfaction of looking in his direction,(y/n) got up out of the desk chair and walked further away from Kyoya.

*buzz*

A vibration only (y/n) can feel comes from her satchel bag. While pulling out her books, pens, and pencils, (y/n) also took out her phone.

‘ ’ - (y/n)

Underline- Mina

Bold- Keia

U need 2 tell us y ur wearing his cologne

(y/n) rolled her eyes, knowing there was no escaping them now.

‘I stayed the night at his house...’

NOO

AHHH! Girl, I knew u were dirty

Yeah! Did u do the Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang?

‘Oh no,’

‘We were studying and I fell asleep.’

‘I’m still in my clothes from yesterday, so I’m wearing his cologne’

“That's it!” A bang of a ruler as it hits the table rang out causing some female students to yelp, including the three that were on their phones. “(l/n), outside now! And leave your phone on your desk.”  blushing, more like wearing a mask of, red (y/n) quickly put her phone down and walked out of class.

Tears of frustration welled up, “God, why am I crying?” (y/n) sat on the floor, sitting against the wall a few feet away from the classroom door. Time has passed, most likely 10 minutes before (y/n)’s tears stopped.

The door to the classroom swung open making (y/n) tense thinking it was the teacher. To her surprise and fortune, Kyoya walked out of the room. Once the door closed Kyoya walked to (y/n), helping her stand on her feet.

“Kyoya I-” The tears came back, but before they could fall Kyoya squeezed her forearms tightly.

“Can you hold on for a little while longer?” His silk like voice sounded into her ear.

“Y-yes…” came (y/n)’s unstable reply.

“Then hold out your hand.” Pulling back Kyoya sets his own hand out for (y/n) to grab. Once (y/n) placed her hand into his, Kyoya pulled on (y/n)’s hand spinning her into his chest so her back is smooth against his chest. “We are having a talk about why you're so distracted later, my love, but until then try to behave.” kissing (y/n)’s neck in various places Kyoya tries to be cool when he really happens to be anxious about why (y/n) causing so much trouble today.

“Go back to class, baby. We don’t need you getting in trouble too, now do we?” (y/n) laughed as Kyoya spun her back out.

“No more tears. I’ll see you later. Don’t worry I’ll get your phone back.” With a sweet kiss, Kyoya walked back inside the classroom.

---------

“I can’t believe that a** hole left you outside of the room for an hour,” Keia complained as she handed (y/n) her school bag.

“I know! And this is the first time that (y/n)’s ever been in trouble, well in her class that is.” Mina slightly laughed. A tense silence was strung along while (y/n) was waiting by the door. “Sorry, about getting you in trouble. And that we couldn’t get your phone back.” Mina whispered as she shifted her dirty blonde bangs out of her eyes.

“No worries guys, I’m not upset.” A true smile set on (y/n)’s face made her two friends very confused.

“What do you mean? You literally never go anywhere without it.” Keia pried, something she was very good at.

“I just have someone dealing with it…” A fond smile slowly crept upon (y/n)’s face.

“Oh my! It’s has something to do with your secret boy toy doesn't it!” The perky girls yelled out in unison, making everyone around them stare hard. Including Kyoya and Tamaki who just strolled up next to the trio.

“Girls! He’s not my ‘boy toy’, I actually love him- very much.” (y/n) snuck a peek at the boys next to her blushing all the while.

“Wow, not even going to tell us off for being loud? You must realllllly like this guy.” Mina’s words caught Tamaki’s ears and were implanted into his brain, which told him to butt-in on their conversation.

“Ah, what are my dear princess talking about?” The blonde boy asked as he stepped before Keia, knowing that she would be the one to spill the gossip.

“Ah, Tamaki, what do you want?” Mina, and (y/n) obviously, visit the host club enough to know the host king himself. Plus being personal friends of Haruhi (knowing she is a she, but others not knowing that they know) helped a bit too.

“I overheard that one of my favorite princess’ has a crush on someone. So, (y/n), whos the lucky guy?”

“Ha! More than like, she told us that shes in loooove with him.” Keia laughed bumping shoulders with the most embarrassed girl in the world.

“Pray tell, Keia,” Kyoya said sliding into step with (y/n), his hand grazing hers.

“Keiaaaa!” (y/n) whined, if the girls only knew that (y/n)’s secret boyfriend was walking right next to her. “I told you to keep quiet!” An angry blush spread across her face.

“Oh hush, now. I don’t see why it’s a big deal to announce your love for him to the world!” Mina laughed, mocking (y/n) a little bit.

“Hey, (y/n)?” Tamaki asked suddenly turning serious.

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay… at home?” A confused expression sprung across (y/n)’s face, totally unknowing where Tamaki was going with his point.

“I guess? I didn’t go home last night.” (y/n) shrugged, turning her attention to the blonde male.

“Yeah, hehe, (y/n) stayed with her boyfriend.” Keia laughed, but on the contrary, Tamaki’s expression darkened a bit.

“How did you get that bruise?” (y/n) had totally forgotten she had bumped heads with Kyoya this morning, her skin is sensitive so when she got hit even bumping into a table she would bruise.

“Tamaki, what are you implying?” Kyoya asked his jaw tightening. Tamaki, even if he doesn’t know he is the one dating (y/n), pissed him off by thinking he’d even lay a single finger on (y/n). Just the thought was sickening to him.

“(y/n), I think what Tamaki is trying to say is…. Did he-- hit you? Is that why you didn’t go home?” (y/n) stopped walking, her chest tightening in an angry fashion.

“Excuse me?” The group stopped walking and turned to face the angry (h/c), haired girl. “You obviously don’t know him that well then! I mean Tamaki you literally spend every day with him! How can you possibly think, even for a second, that he would hurt me in any way? And you girls, I literally tell you not to tell anyone- but no, you had to open your mouths. I have to get to class. Kyoya you're the only one who isn’t pissing me off, walk with me to class.” (y/n) and Kyoya left the three others in their wake, both of them upset.

“I want to go public.” (y/n) said abruptly, making Kyoya shift his eyes over to her smaller figure.

“You’re only saying that because you’re angry.” A loving kiss is placed on top of (y/n)’s head. “We will talk about this after school. I think that since you told Tamaki about your secret boyfriend, we need to tell the host club… before this gets any more attention.” pressing a gentle, slim finger to her purple bruise.

“Fine, I love you.”

“Love you too.” they walked into their separate classes, both waiting anxiously for the day to end.  

--------

Walking out of (y/n)’s last class of the day she wandered the empty halls slowly making her way to music room 3. The teacher held her back to go over some questions she missed on her last math test.

(y/n) decided to get her stuff out of her locker before heading over to see Haruhi. She gently placed her hands on the lock and twisted in her combination. She took her books out and closed the locker. Turning around (y/n) didn’t expect to be pushed into the lockers.

“What the hell?!” (y/n) yelled, the metal digging into her back making her cry out louder.

“I saw you today. With Kyoya.’’ the voice of some girl (y/n) has never seen before gives (y/n) a light scare.

“Let go of me you psycho b*tch!” (y/n) struggled but the force of the shove knocked the air out of her lungs, making her not able to put up much of a fight.

“No, you listen to me. You will break up with Kyoya. You will not talk to any of the host club members again. And you will never speak of this to anyone. Understand?” the girl pushed (y/n) into the lockers with more force, pulling (y/n) up and then slamming her back down. The sound echoing around the spacious hallway.

“Or what? You’ll t-tell daddy? I think y-you’re forgetting who I am.” (y/n) grunted out her chest having a hard time breathing with all the force on her.

“I don’t care who you are. You’re pathetic and ugly. You’re not good enough for Kyoya!”  The mystery girl swung her hand up fully prepared to slap (y/n) across the face.

“Enough!” The strong voice of the boy they were ‘discussing’ bounced off the walls of the corridor. Kyoya pushed the girl back hard enough to have to step a few paces back.

“WHat the HeLl is gOinG oN?” Haruhi yells as she, and the rest of the club run up to a shaking (y/n) in Kyoya’s arms.

Tamaki and the twins are left in charge of taking care of the girl, a terrible decision really.

“Kyoya, how did you know where I was?” (y/n) asked, ignoring the others that had crowded around them.

“Nevermind that, are you okay?” Kyoya leaned away to check for any noticeable damage.

“My back hurts, but it’s mostly my pride.” (y/n) giggled a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes,” Kyoya said with a sigh.

“Yes, but I’m your Idiot!” (y/n) giggled before kissing Kyoya slowly, it was only for a second or two before (y/n) could hear Hikaru yelling,

“Woah, Woah, Woah! There are children here.” Haruhi pushes the hand that Hikaru had over her eyes.

Ignoring the yelling between the twins, Haruhi, and Tamaki- with the occasional yell from Honey- The couple gets lost in their own conversation.

“So, have you decided on our ‘secret’ relationship?” Kyoya hummed into (y/n)’s neck making her laugh the wholeheartedly.

“Okay, okay. You got me, let's go public!” (y/n) laughed as Kyoya kissed her. “Thinking about it now, it’s not a big deal.”

“To me it is. I get to claim you as mine- and only mine.”

“Hold on! Since when did you start dating?!”

“Hush Tamaki-senpai, they’re having a moment”

“But mommy hid something from daddy!”

“Oh no, not again-

[chuckling-chemist]

Seventh Fall

((One of two pieces I wrote for the @fantrollszine! if you like what you read here, consider buying me a coffee or checking out my AO3!))

It’s your seventh sweep. Moonlight seeps from your window and onto your mattress pad, illuminating your respiteblock and casting dark shadows of the bright red, fragrant flowers sitting on the window sill. An early present from your pirate patron, a thank you for helping him. You’re not sure how he found out your wiggling day, nor are you especially sure you want to know how, but the thought he actually decided to celebrate it is nice. It isn’t common you meet trolls so eager to celebrate a holiday like yourself or Sekier.

You groan as you roll out of your mattress pad, mindful of the tall horns affixed to your head. Normally, you’d celebrate your wiggling day. And of all days, the day of your seventh sweep should be a big one. The day you can get off this godforsaken planet to hopefully get paid to research without the fear that a subjuggalator arbitrarily deciding your research was heretical.

But you made the mistake of pissing off the Heiress. And while she didn’t cull you on the spot, you’d rather be dead than stuck here to eventually starve, as melodramatic as that sounds.

Look on the bright side. You don’t have to be anywhere tonight.

It’s not exactly a comfort, but it keeps the rage at the whole situation from boiling over well enough you stumble over to your clothes chest and mirror to your halfmoon glasses.

You blink harshly as your glasses slide up your nose as you adjust to the sudden clarity, and despite yourself you can’t help but glance in the mirror. If you don't have anywhere to be today, you may as well take advantage of an opportunity to use yourself as a test subject and determine if you were adhering to the usual growth patterns of trolls. They always told you - and still do, if you think about it - how the ordeals work because they are the last step a troll takes towards maturation. Everything else - emotionally, mentally and physically - you should be the physically mature adult, ready to take on the stars.

Yet, as you stared in the mirror, you look no different. Your oculars are a splotchy teal around the pupil, but they’ve looked like that for weeks. Your horns still disproportionately tall to your skinny frame and small body. And while you’ve grown, even Aisral’s taller than you. There’s a semblance of a bust - at least if your last fitting with Aisral indicated anything - but you certainly can’t see it now. Your gray skin is no darker. And feeling different? You felt the same way you did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Unless being an adult is supposed to feel identical to being a kid, even though you’ve been led it’s a completely different experience. Despite the day, you were just...you. Judgmental, inquisitive, and more stubborn than trolls preferred but still you.

Maybe you were an anomaly? Some runt of the grub litter who got lucky and escaped before the jades or drones could nab you? You were destined to look and feel like you did at 6.9 sweeps for the rest of your life?

But then again, you don’t remember Mayola going through any sudden drastic change. She didn’t just walk in one day with pink eyes and a mature outlook on life to both literally and metaphorically hold over you with her sudden height. She was just...Mayola. Brash, impulsive, energetic...Mayola. You don’t remember any sort of dramatic change between the 6th and 7th sweep with her.

The longer you think, the more you realize just how, within your small circle of acquaintances, you don’t remember any drastic changes. No sudden growth. No darker skin. No more amount of wisdom and experience than they ever had any other day in their life on Alternia. (Well, maybe Glacin experienced drastic change, but with every inch of his body covered, you weren’t going to ever know).

We’ve been lied to.

A sigh, far more irritated than you anticipate, leaves your throat. It’s not the nice answer, but as you ponder how horribly wrong everything they’ve said is, it’s the only answer you can come to. Hell, it hasn’t even been the first time you’ve come to that answer. Every time you perform a reportedly popular experiment that “confirmed” long-time held suspicions, you always find the experiment wildly inaccurate at best and actively biased and malicious at worst. You simply don’t like how it managed to stain the already horribly tarnished reputation of the Empire, worsening an already low opinion each time you came to such a conclusion.

You should study this. If not with yourself, you still have a couple more friends who haven’t turned seven yet. Maybe study them? But the study itself may be biased, if you work only with people you know. As your thoughts race, you scramble over to your cluttered desk to grab at your teal notebook, flipping open to a random page to jot them down before they scatter away at your newest idea: all the possible forms of study, the questions to ask, the castes available for investigation, who you’ll need to ask for help, how much money it could cost, the most effective way to obtain participants, the pros and cons of just using corpses again--

Creak.

Your mental train crashes right there in mid sentence and you scowl for a brief second. It’s easy to forgot how loud your door gets when you’re focusing on better things. You give a quick turn on your bare heel towards the sound and find a distinctly familiar looking purpleblood with long hair that partially obscures the horns that curl around his ears and even longer black coat, standing awkwardly in your doorway. Your vision does a quick once-over to ensure he doesn’t look particularly injured - this specific purpleblood has that problem.

“Pallia,” he starts pleasantly, “happy wiggling day.”

“Not much of a wiggling day if I can’t actually do anything about it,” you mutter darkly. “But thanks anyway.”

He grins. “Ah yes, I heard about your little run-in with the Heiress.” You open your mouth to retort, but he’s already continuing. “Don’t worry, it’s not spread in the cove. Much.”

You cross your arms. Memories of what Careen did come rushing back, and the familiar pain stings your gut. “You say that like it’s supposed to be comforting.”

“It is.” He snatches something out of his pocket and tosses it, letting it fall on the floor near your feet. You pick it up and run it between your fingers. It’s just a wooden coin, engraved with some odd symbol that looks vaguely like a neuron on one side and what looks like a crescent moon on the other. “It’s spread just enough that convincing the council to let you be the new lawkeeper was easy.”

Lawkeeper. Just like every other teal. You grimace, pushing the anger down. “Uh...thanks Vodnik. But I’m not sure you want me to be some kind of keeper of something that important.”

“Your display of telling the Heiress to fuck off indicates you’re exactly the troll we need,” he says, voice unusually serious for once in his life. “We need someone who can stick to their ideas and keep the murder hobos away from the port while bringing some semblance of order to a bunch of anarchists. Not some wishy-washy legislacerator who bends the knee at the nearest seadweller.”

“You’re forcing me to skimp my research,” you point out.

“We’re pirates,” Vodnik drawls. “We’re not going to force you to do dick if you’re helping us.”

“I have been helping you. It’s only pirates that come here, you know. Pirates and anyone Mayola knows.”

“Help us more frequently then.” He shrugs and starts to pace the length of your respiteblock, what little there is to truly pace. “Just once a perigee and when we have emergencies. And of course, you’ll get paid. It’s just another cove job. Think of it as... funding your research?”

You nod, letting the coin pass between your slim fingers. It’s not what you want, but at the same time, you don’t really want to research for the Empress any more than you want to do law work. You just hoped for the opportunity to go off planet. But now, you could continue your research - away from the Empress, or her bitch of an Heiress. You just might have to occasionally dip away for “official” business.

Eventually, you’re not sure how long you stand there, you look up to him with a smirk. “It’s a deal,” you say.

Your name is Pallia Alkali. It’s your seventh sweep. And despite Careen’s best intentions, you’re still here to spite the very lying, sack of shit Empire she represents.

[maraudersandlily20]

The Only Gay I Know

Lily would not shut up. And not in her usual, quirky Lily way where she would get on a subject she found interesting and wouldn’t shut up about it until she knew everything. No, this was the obnoxious way, when she got concerned for one of her friends and would keep talking about them even when everyone else had moved on.

Sirius loved Lily. She was one of the kindest, happiest people Sirius knew. She was protective over him and fought for him and was everything a friend ought to be. Since she had decided that the marauders might be worth friendship, they had all been stuck together like glue. There were very few times in their friendship that Sirius wanted Lily to sod off. This was one of them.

“I’m just so worried for her. She hasn’t gotten out of bed all day, hasn’t eaten anything. She just sits there, looking homeless, and she won’t talk about it. I don’t know what to do. She didn’t even care for him that much, according to her.”

“Lils,” James pleaded. “We know that Marlene is having a hard time. But there’s nothing we can do about it now. Will you please focus on something else for the rest of the day until we get back to the common room?”

Lily pouted and Sirius snickered, messing up her hair. She growled and smacked his hand away. While the group continued on to configurations, Sirius let himself consider Marlene for a second.

It had been rather random occurrence yesterday when Lily had approached her friends and announced that Marlene and her boyfriend of two months, Darrin Carmichael, had split up. She was shaken by the termination of her friend’s relationship, having been so convinced that they had been meant for each other. Sirius didn’t care much for Darrin, who was one of the most pompous Ravenclaws in their year, but he had kept his opinions to himself, knowing that Marlene really liked him. At least, she said she did.

She had been acting strange the past few days. Her normal, open manner suddenly closed in on itself and she could barely look anyone in the eyes. Marlene was known for her brash, feminine attitude, and being open with her thoughts and honest in her opinions. Remus loved her. Sirius often felt jealous of the relationship his boyfriend had with the girl, considering that Remus was bisexual and had told Sirius that he would be rather tempted to be date her, if he wasn’t with Sirius. Sirius appreciated the honesty, but sometimes it made him self conscious. However, despite his feelings of jealousy toward the stunning blonde, he also couldn’t help but love her. With their dark past of snogging far behind them, he finally felt comfortable with her. They had grown rather close since the summer trip to the Potters and he cared for her greatly.

He wanted her to be happy. So he resolved to make sure she was okay that afternoon, after classes.

It was easy to find a moment without everyone hovering. Remus, Lily and James were busy with prefect and head boy and girl duties and Peter was in the library with his friend/ potential girlfriend Annie and intended to stay there til the sun went down. Dorcas was by the lake, uncharacteristically quiet that day, though she smiled whenever people asked how she was doing.

Sirius got up, folding the piece of parchment he had just written on into a small square. The note simply said, “Please come talk to me -SB”. He then charmed it to fly up and under the 7th year girls dorm door. He went and took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace and waited. After a minute, a red eyed Marlene descended down the stairs, her hair ratty and clad in a blanket and her pajamas. She looked like hell. She gave Sirius a close lipped smile and sank into his waiting arms.

She burrowed her head into his neck and sniffled, reveling in the feeling of his comfort.

“Are you okay, little one?” Sirius whispered, the affectionate nickname rolling of his tongue. A shrug of her shoulders was the only movement. So, the two just sat in silence.

“Sirius.” Marlene finally said, gathering her courage. He hummed. “How… how did you know that wanted to be with boys?”

He reared back. This was not the direction he was expecting this conversation to go. “What?” He shook his head. “Are you sure that’s what you want to talk about? Not how much of a prick Carmichael is?”

Marlene shook her head, giving a chuckle. “No. I really want to know.”

Sirius took a deep breath and attempted to piece together what to say. No one had really asked him this question before and so was unsure of how to answer. “Well…” He began tentatively. “A lot of it had to do with Remus. It made it a lot easier to understand my feelings when they were tacked onto one person. And Remus always made sense to me. Even when we were younger and I wasn’t aware of what my feelings were, I knew I needed Remus. James always joked that he and I were so attached that sometimes he couldn’t tell us apart. In fifth year, though, when I started thinking that I had to have feelings for girls, every time I went out with a girl, something felt off. Like I was just a bit too tall or too big to be in the situation. I towered over every girl I took out, I couldn’t understand what I was expected to do or how to react or flirt or whatever. It was awkward.”

“When I realized I wanted Remus, it was like everything clicked.”

“What made you realize?”

Sirius laughed. “Well, we were in the library. It was a quiet afternoon. Prongs was at quidditch and Peter was asleep on the table. Remus was sitting against a windowsill, reading a novel on the mystical properties of stones. It had been rather gloomy that day, but there was a moment when the sun came out. I looked up to enjoy it and was met with the sight of Remus soaked in sunlight. His hair became illuminated and it backlit him just right.” Sirius’ eyes clouded over with the memory and Marlene watched him as he thought about that moment. He smiled. “It took my breath away. And I realized that I wanted him. More than I had ever wanted any girl I’d taken out. And it was more than attraction. I mean, Merlin, I definitely wanted to push him against a wall and snog him until the sun went down, but it was more than that.” he looked over at her and shrugged. “I wanted the little things too. I wanted to hold his hand in the hallway and argue about his favorite types of music, which are just of awful. I wanted to hear him snore, because he does, even though he denies it. I wanted to spend holidays with him and hold him when he cried. I wanted all of it.”

Marlene was enraptured in the obvious love Sirius had for Remus. It was shining through his face, emanating from his entire body. It made her happy, to know they were so content with each other. “I don’t know if I would have found that with someone else. I probably would have. And, honestly, it probably would have been a bloke. I know that now. But it was Remus, which made it easier. And now I honestly can’t imagine having that with anyone else.”

“So you knew with a surety that you wanted Remus?” Marlene asked.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, when I finally figured it out. Of course, Remus had felt that way about me for much longer. But once we were finally together, life seemed better.” He looked down at the girl in his arms, so clearly struggling with heartache. “Is that how you felt with Carmichael?”

Marlene’s head snapped up. “What? No. No, of course not. He was fit and nice sometimes and he liked me. But what I felt with Darrin was nothing like what you just described.”

“I’m assuming that’s why he dumped you.”

She scoffed. “Please. I dumped him. He begged me to stay so we could figure it out. But once I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted OR needed, I knew I couldn’t be with him.” She stared into the fire, growing quiet.

It took Sirius a moment to piece together what she was saying. When he realized the bizarre way the conversation had turned actually had a meaning, his eyes grew wide. “Marls… Why did you want to know how I knew I wanted to be with a bloke?”

“You’re the only gay I know. At least, well enough to talk about this with. And, I just am kind of confused. About everything. I needed to talk to someone who might understand.”

“You want to be with girls?” He said, his voice soft. Marlene bit her lip and nodded. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense. “The girl you want to be with wouldn’t happen to be Miss Dorcas Meadowes, would it?”

Inexplicably, Marlene’s eyes filled with tears. She sunk into the couch even more, if that were possible, and tried to keep her breathing even. “I don’t know what to do, Sirius. She’ll hate me.” She whispered. “I can barely look at her now, knowing how badly I want her. But I don’t think she’ll want me. And I’ve been rejected quite a bit in my life, but hearing it from her just might kill me.”

“Marlene. What is Merlin’s name are you talking about?” Sirius snapped. “You are thinking of the absolute worst scenario.” He pulled away from her, making them both sit up straight. “Yes, you’re right, there is a chance that Dorcas won’t want you that way. And that might suck, for a while. But you’re strong, and you’ll get through it. But you’re completely ignoring the fact that she might feel the same way. And then, all of this worry will mean nothing, and you’ll regret every minute of it.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off. “No, Marlene, listen. I waited an entire year before telling Remus how I felt. And even then, I didn’t actually tell him. And before that, we got in terrible fights about almost everything. It tore me up. I was angry and upset, but I couldn’t tell him how I felt because what if it ruined our friendship? So I didn’t. I let a pinch of worry stop what would have been a 15 second conversation and instead focused only on what could happen. Not what might happen. When Remus and I finally did get together, it was like all of that was wasted time. It was, of course, and we both regretted it. We’re happy now, but we could have been happier much sooner.” He stared her down, gazing into the light blue eyes, hoping she would see his sincerity. “I don’t want that to happen to you, Marls. Don’t be like us. We were cowards. It took us far too long to figure it out. Be brave. Be the Marlene Mckinnon we know and love. Take a shower, put on some real clothes, and tell that beautiful woman how you feel. If she rejects you, and she would be mental to do so, then you’ll know right where to find me.”

Marlene was crying, but smiling. She leaned forward and placed a fierce kiss on his cheek before running up the stairs to follow his orders. He grinned, hoping against hope that things would work out in her favor.

A few hours later, Lily was once again voicing her concern for Marlene. After a minute, trying to ignore her, Sirius looked up and saw Marlene enter the great hall, hand intertwined with Dorcas, who had a blush against her black skin. They were grinning widely, and Marlene made eye contact with Sirius, looking proud. He gave her a nod of approval.

“Don’t worry, Lils. I think everything is going to be okay with Marlene.” he gestured to the new couple with his head and everyone around him turned to look.

When his classmates and friends seemed to understand what was going on, their mouths dropped open. Gasps and catcalls started to circle around the Gryffindor table. Lily stood, aghast. “MERLIN’S BEARD!” She shouted. “YOU’RE LESBIANS?” Everyone laughed and raised their goblets toward the girls in a sign of congratulations.

And all Sirius could do was smile.

[melmothblog]

Ask Responses: Vaganova

The exact reason why RBV posted that mean video (which has since been removed) of Savelieva was that he was bitter that his favorite, Kristina Spiridonova, was not being cast in lead roles. That could be why you got so many asks about her . The truth is, a student's barre placement in exams and castings depend largely on their class ranking from exams. If Kristina is not frequently promoted, it is likely that teachers and examiners find her lacking in something intangible, e.g. stage presence.

You could be right, but I find that people like RVB always find a reason to be toxic. And they never have to look very hard.

Do you think we’re going to see VBA take a similar (yet lesser) approach of over-exposure next year with Alexandra Khiteeva that we saw with Sevenard? She’s already following down a Sevenard-Esque path, with having performed Masha as a Year 7, and her doing the Pas de Quatre which VBA has taken multiple places and performed many times.

It’s hard to predict something like this. I don’t think (and I hope) no student will experience the same level of expose again any time soon, because of how damaging it can be. Elya’s situation was especially difficult because her final year and graduation coincided with the whole Mathilde business and her father’s (very) public claim that the family were actually descended from the Romanovs. 

This is something I should’ve mentioned the last time I wrote about Elya. VBA certainly didn’t do her any favours but they aren’t the only ones to blame for the negative (and wholly underserved) attitude Elya was greeted with upon her graduation. There were a lot of elements at play at that time. I think her situation is too unique to be replicated. 

That being said, Alexandra is talented and is getting a lot of great opportunities... Unfortunately, that’s more than enough for some people to hate her. 

Is there any video with 7th grade classical exam on-line?

Not that I’m aware of.

So I know that not every student gets to perform in The Nutcracker or The Fairy Doll. But do all students in the graduating year get a part in the grad performances?

Yes, provided they’re not sick or injured, I believe they do. Although not everyone gets to dance prominent or solo roles. Some grads only get to do corps parts.

Is ‘Suite En Blanc’ no longer a part of the VBA Graduation performances?

It is. If you’re referring to my instagram post from yesterday, I accidentally left it out of the English part of the text :/ My bad.

One thing also to remember about positions/places on the centre barre (which sounds very obvious but i think should be remembered) is that a girl who loses her place has not necessarily become worse/lost form. It can simply be the case that other students in the class have recently improved/were late bloomers and as such have leapfrogged up the class rankings.

Yes, this is true. I guess that’s what I meant by student being “unable to handle the competition” in my previous response, although you out it a lot nicer.

I was watching some of the character exams posted of the 7b and 7v classes and I noticed that their repertoire is very different. The 7b class has the boys and seem to dance more group/corps and partnering variations while the 7v class is only girls and has a lot more solo/smaller group parts. I was wondering why this discrepancy exists and how they decide which class does which?

All grade are broken down into several steams (A, B, V - that’s Russian A, B, C) and those streams are, in turn, broken into boys and girls classes. For example, here’s the breakdown of the current Grade 7 / Level II:

7A (class of Sitnikova - girls); 7A (class of Tsiskaridze - boys); 7B (class of Vasilieva - girls); 7B (class of Ermolenkov - boys); 7V (class of Zhilonkina - girls). In Grade 7 / Level II, character dance is taught by Sirotin and  Smironova. I assume you’re referring to the videos from Sirotin’s character dance exam and those are the only ones available online. 

As I’m not a Vaganova insider, I can’t tell you exactly how Sirotin decides on the repertoire. I think that, like most teachers, he selects the pieces that will show off the students strengths while making the overall program diverse and interesting. Some pieces, like the Gypsy dance from “Don Q”, are fairly “standard” and are used in many exams.

I was amused to see Lezginka in this year’s exam. Lezginka is a traditional Georgian dance and I’d like to think that Sirotin threw it in there to humour Tsiskaridze, but it was probably added to the repertoire because it’s such an amazing, fiery character dance.

d i s c l a i m e r

[transientwordsmith]

Don’t Fall-- Chapter 4

Welcome to chapter 4 of Don’t fall--!! This is another short chapter :( I think the next chapter is a bit longer (dont want to be too repetitive but I also dont want it to be over so fast). Word Count: ~900 | Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Stephen Strange| Link to ao3

7.00 AM. May 7th, 2021.

Peter awoke and shut off his alarm. He decided to start formulating some plans. Hopefully he would be able to get himself out of this mess without needing to ask for help.

Peter left his phone on his bed and sat at his desk, his notebook open, pencil poised. He started writing.

What he came up with were some plans for a device that would be able to check surrounding timelines to see if any Alternate Peters made it to Saturday. But, Peter would need help with this. Namely the part where he actually had to make it work. Because it was a glorious idea on paper, but he wasn’t sure if he could make it work.

But, before he started on anything, he realized that he needed to assess what had happened right before he woke up on the First Friday.

Well, he had been asleep.

Before that, he had been texting with Ned and scrolling on Twitter. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing he could pinpoint.

Peter suddenly realized that he had no idea how to see into other timelines at all. There was nothing with that sort of power, barring whatever got him in this situation.

There was a knock on the door. Peter jumped.

“Yes?” he said, once he regained his composure. Tony cracked the door open.

“Hey there. It’s nearly 7.50. I thought you should be gone by now.” Tony said, looking at his watch.

7.50? Already? Peter thought.

“I’m not really feeling school today,” Peter said, hoping it would work like yesterday. Lucky for him, Tony nodded, considering this.

“Okay, sounds good,” he said. “But you owe me at least an hour of lab time.”

“You got it,” Peter assured him.

A few minutes later Peter had drawn up some basic plans for the plastic parts. The more difficult part was the inside, but he figured he could give himself a break for breakfast. So he did. Peter went out to the kitchen. Since he was late to school, he had missed the chance to grab toast off of Tony’s plate. He guessed he would have to find something for himself. Luckily, there was a fruit bowl with a ton of ripe fruit in it. Peter grabbed a pear and headed down to the lab.

Tony looked up and gave Peter a little wave when he entered. Peter sat down on a chair diagonal from him.

“Hey Tony,” Peter began. He figured if he never asked he couldn’t know: “Is there anything that could help someone see into other timelines or something?”

Tony looked up from his work again. He stared at the wall for a moment or two.

“This is why you’re sitting right here; you can ask questions that will stump even me,” Tony told Peter. “I’m sure someone knows.” He almost went back to his project before remembering something.

“Hey, actually, that wizard dude might know something about something. Why don’t you find his number and ask,” Tony suggested.

“Call up some random wizard and ask him a question?” Peter asked, a bit incredulous. “No thanks, I choose life.”

“Relax, kid, he’s not evil. He’s just a wizard,” Tony said. “Here, I’ll even find his number for you. FRIDAY, find the wizard’s number and send it to Peter’s phone.”

“Sure thing, Boss,” FRIDAY said. “This may take a while, though.”

It did take a little while. By the time FRIDAY had found Dr. Strange’s phone number, Peter was almost done with the hardware for the device. Peter’s phone gave a little beep when he got the notification.

“Oh, great,” Tony noticed. “Now call him and ask.”

Peter was a little reluctant but eventually agreed when Tony assured him that he would be there on speaker with him.

“Hello? Who is this?” came a gruff voice from inside the phone.

“Uh...hello,” Peter tried. “This is, uh, Spiderman? I have a question for you…”

“Oh, I remember you. What’s your question?”

“Is there anything that can see across timelines? Or help you see across timelines?”

“I was afraid you’d ask that. I think I may have a solution for you. Unfortunately, I’m busy right now. But I should be able to come over this evening. Is that okay?”

Peter realized Dr. Strange was aware of his situation. And he was offering help. Why didn’t he just ask for help before?

“Yes, that’s great. Thank you,” Peter said.

“Great.” Dr. Strange said before hanging up.

“What was that all about?” Tony asked.

“Oh, nothing…” Peter said.

During the call it had flipped over to the afternoon, so Peter and Tony broke for lunch. They decided to get burgers from Shake Shack (and shakes because how could you not get a shake from Shake Shack) before getting back to work. Peter had decided to abandon his project and elected to help Tony with his.

Peter was a bit distracted, though. He could not wait for Dr. Strange to arrive. This was his fourth Friday. He was ready for it to be Saturday. Alas, time passed as slowly as it usually did. He did find solace in dinner, though.

Tony suggested pizza and Peter allowed it, figuring that what he ate could not affect anything at all. After dinner, they layed on the couch and watched a John Mulaney special.

And after a while, it grew late. And Peter grew tired. So tired in fact, that he fell--

“I’m coming out of my cage, and I’ve been doing just fine…”

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

[lynelovespopculture]

THE CHILLING ADVENTURES OF ZELDA: CHAPTER 16-THE NEW GIRL

 CORDELIA SPELLMAN, NOW 12, FEELS UNEASY AROUND THE NEW GIRL IN HER CLASS…

Cordelia Spellman, smiled at herself in her full-length mirror, as she finished buttoning her blouse and admired her new skirt. Then she sat down at her vanity and picked up her golden chain with a single crescent moon attached. Ever since her parents had given her the necklace as a Yule gift 6 years ago, Cordelia never left the house without her necklace. Whenever she felt anxious or upset, Cordelia would hold the half-moon and pray. Guess being the daughter of a high priestess made you believe a little more. It was a long-standing family joke that if Sabrina’s black headband was her trademark then the necklace was Cordelia’s. After fastening the chain to her neck, Cordelia gathered her school books together and putting them in her backpack when she heard a bird. Turning around, she saw a dove in a tree right outside her bedroom window. A dove that Cordelia knew well.

“Hello, October.” Cordelia greeted the dove before grabbing her backpack and exiting her room. Out in the hallway, Cordelia encountered another animal. A huge brown greyhound lay across the floor, directly in Cordelia’s way. However, this was no mere dog. This was the familiar of Cordelia’s brother, Jake.

“Come on, Apollo, move! You’re in the way!” The dog did move when Cordelia scratched him behind his ear. The dog and the 12-year-old walked through the living room together. As they neared the kitchen, Apollo ran ahead, searching for food and his master. Cordelia stayed behind just long enough to put her book bag down on a hallway bench. Inside the kitchen, Cordelia found the usual suspects: her parents

“Good morning, Mom and Dad.”

Her brother was now feeding Apollo a strip of bacon, and Vinegar Tom, her mother’s dog wasn’t far behind.

“Morning, Jake.”

And her cousin, who unlike her parents and her brother, didn’t live there but worked there and often showed up early enough for breakfast.

“Hey, Ambrose.”

Plus 1 new face around the table.

“Hey, it’s the good doctor.” Cordelia hugged her big sister before sitting down next to her.

“Good morning, Cordy!” LJ smiled. “You don’t seem that surprised to see me here.”

“I’m not,” shrugged Cordelia as she dug into her oatmeal. “Perhaps that’s because I just saw a certain dove perched outside my window not 5 minutes ago.”

“Damn that October! I swear that familiar of mine spoils all my surprises! Anyway, the official reason I’m here is to drop off some medical forums for the boys but I also wanted to check up on you. Are you sure you’re ready for what you need to do today?”

Cordelia couldn’t help but smile. Not only was today the 1st day of school, but it was also Cordelia’s 1st day of 7th grade at Greendale Middle School, the very class that her father taught since she was 4.

Annoyed, Faustus came forward with his cup of coffee. “Hey, you have been teasing your sister all summer about being in my class. I wish you would stop it. I’m a good teacher and you, Cordy, don’t think I’m going to be easy on you because I’m your father.”

Cordelia shook her head. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Dad. I going to pass 7th grade with hard work and good grades, the same way I’ll become a top student when I attend the academy.”

Zelda smiled at her daughter. “Now, that’s the right attitude.”

“Butt kisser.” Jake teased his sister good-naturedly.

 10 minutes later, everyone left the kitchen. Ambrose and Jake went to work in other parts of the house, while everyone else was heading out the door. Zelda, to morning assembly at the academy, LJ was heading to the hospital to start her rounds and Faustus started the engine to his white VW bug as Cordelia climbed in beside him.

“So, did you and Mom have the talk today?” she asked her father.

“What talk?” Faustus asked his daughter.

Cordelia shrugged. “The talk, the talk you and Mom have at the start of every school year.  The one where Mom asks you to come to teach at the academy and every year, you turn down Mom’s offer.”

“You know about that?”

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Everyone in the family knows. What I don’t get is why you keep turning her down. When I was little, you told me that Ambrose is the most powerful warlock in the family but I’ve known for a long time that it’s you. Plus, I heard Uncle C and Aunt Hilda talking about how you used to work there and- “

“Cordy, I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.” Faustus cut in.  “Yes, I used to work at the academy, but that was a long time ago, before the curse.”

“Of course!” His daughter spat. “Whenever I try to bring up anything about your past, all you ever say is it happened before the curse. Never mind that you always say you’ll tell me about this curse someday, but you never have. Dad, I’m 12 now, whatever this curse is, I can handle it.”

Faustus sighed as he pulled into the school parking lot. He couldn’t blame Cordelia for her anger toward him. She was right, of course, he brought up the ‘before the curse’ line a lot but what the child didn’t know was that he tried twice as much to tell his daughter what the curse actually was. Yet, he just couldn’t do it. Even when Zelda was right there beside him to support and help him to explain it all. But 1 look in Cordy’s innocent, trusting eyes, and Faustus chickened out every time. You’re weak, boy, you’ve always been weak. His father’s words were never far in Faustus’s mind. No words could be enough to express how thankful and grateful he was to the Spellmans for their unending understanding and support of him for the last 13 years. However, no matter how loved, safe, and secure his family would make him feel, something always happened, a memory, a nightmare, (last week’s was a real doozy) to trigger his never-ending guilt yet again. That’s why he declined Zelda’s yearly offer to return to teaching at the academy.  It was no longer a school to him, just a scene of his crimes. He felt the same way about the church, though he found it easier to avoid the school. When he did go to mass, he sat in the very last pew, even if as the spouse of the high priestess, it was his right to sit upfront with the rest of his family. He liked to get in and out, to see as less of the coven as possible. Even if the coven and the family’s forgiveness had lasted for 13 years, Faustus still lived his life as if that forgiveness could be revoked at any moment. This is why he couldn’t tell the youngest Spellman that it was only because of her mother that he wasn’t trapped forever inside a wicked, murdering husk. Sometimes it felt like Cordelia was the only 1 left in the world who didn’t know of his crimes and, selfish or not, he liked it that way.

“No, your mother and I didn’t have ‘that talk’ today, we had it yesterday.” There, it was all Faustus was willing to say on the subject. Faustus parked the car and pointed. “There are your friends.”

Thankfully, the sight of her best friends, blond triplets Emily, Erin, and Erica Warner, was enough to distract Cordelia from their current conversation.

“Thanks, Dad,” Cordelia pecked her father’s cheek, left the car, and made a beeline for her friends. “Hi, guys!”

“Hey, Cordy,” Said Emily.

“Hi, Cordelia” Replied Erica.

Erin just waved.

Cordelia frowned. “What’s wrong with you 3? You all look like you didn’t sleep a wink all night long.”

“We didn’t,” mumbled Erin.

“How could we when Mom and Dad had another all-night screaming match.” Emily agreed with her sister.

“Again?!” Cordelia frowned, the triplets confided in her that their parents were having marriage problems for quite some time.

“Hey there, girls!” came a voice from behind.

“Sara!”  All 3 Warner girls cried and turned to embrace the girl coming towards them.

Cordelia wasn’t sure what disturbed her more.  The fact that she had never seen this new girl a day in her life or that she got a warmer welcome from her besties than she did. However, Cordelia easily dismissed the thought when Erin turned back to her.

“Cord, this is Sara Reed. She just moved 3 doors down from us about 2 weeks ago. Sara, this is Cordelia Spellman, she’s been our best friend since, like, ever.”

“So, I’m finally meeting the famous Cordelia Spellman.”

“Well, I don’t know about famous,” Cordelia smiled.

The bell rang so the girls headed inside the school.

“Are you kidding?” Sara told Cordelia, “the triplets talk about you all the time. To hear them tell it, your family owns the town.”

“Hardy,” Cordelia giggled. “Truthfully, they only own 2 businesses, but they are all over town. Let’s see, my uncle owns Dr. Cerberus’s books and spirits and he runs it with my aunt Hilda.  She herself co-owns the Spellman Sisters mortuary with my mother but Mom teaches high school with my oldest sister, Prudence. So the mortuary’s day to day business is run by Ambrose, my cousin, and my brother Jake. Not too far from Uncle C’s shop, is the new office of my other cousin, Sabrina, who’s a therapist. LJ, my other sister, is a doctor.”

“What about your father?” Sara asked.

“Oh, Dad’s right here,” Cordelia answered. “Dad has been teaching 7th grade at this school since I was 4.”

“Which means that Mr. Spellman is our teacher this year.” Erin pointed out.

This made Sara confused. “Wait, I thought you guys were going into 8th grade?”

Emily shook her head. “Nope,7th.”

“I’m going into 8th.” Sara declared.

“I thought she was 12, like us,” Cordelia whispered to Erica.

“She is, but Sara is so cool, I’m not surprised she skipped a grade.”

“Oh yeah,” Cordelia smiled. “What makes her so cool?”

“She’s a Wiccan.”

Her friends didn’t notice when Cordelia froze and her smile disappeared.

 Nina Robinson was the school’s new 8th-grade teacher and she was not at all happy to be there. Some teachers’ passion was children, but Nina’s true passion was men. That was got her in her current troubles. If her boyfriend-correction, ex-boyfriend, had simply told his wife about them, he probably could have avoided a political scandal.  Yet here Nina was, in a backward hic town instead of her beloved New York.

How am I going to find Mr. tall, dark and handsome here in the middle of Nowhere, USA? Nina thought to herself just before Mr. tall, dark, and handsome walked by.

Luckily, Nina was standing right next to Theo Putnam, the vice-principal of the school.  “Um, Mr. Putnam? Who is that?” Nina asked, pointing.

“Oh, that’s Faustus Spellman, he’s been teaching 7th grade here for 8 years. His niece, Sabrina, is a childhood friend of mine.”

Nina could care less about childhood friends as she checked out this Faustus guy and she liked what she saw. Most women would back off when they saw Faustus’s wedding ring, but not Nina. She liked a challenge.

  “So, how are you today, Mr. Wilson?” LJ smiled at her favorite patient.

“Much better now that you’re here.”  Mr. Wilson took LJ’s hand and kissed it.

“Well, I’m certainly glad that those 3 surgeries didn’t rob you of your charm.”

LJ turned as the door opened and there was a man LJ didn’t know. “Excuse me, Mr. Wilson? I was sent here to check your I.V. and do some bloodwood.”

“Well, do it, then. Can’t you see I’m trying to flirt here?”

LJ chuckled as she moved to allow the stranger room to work. LJ also check the chart at the end of Mr. Wilson’s bed. “Everything looks good here. I’ll check back on you this afternoon.”

LJ and the man left the hospital room together. “I’m sorry, but have we met?” LJ asked the man out in the hallway. “It’s just that I’ve worked here for the last 5 years and I can’t place you.”

The man smiled. “Nor should you. I’m part of a group of interns that just transferred here from Moon Valley.”

“Oh, okay. Well, welcome to Greendale Memorial Hospital. How are you liking it so far?”

“I like it very much. I mean, the people are great. There’s only 1 thing I’m nervous about.  My pals keep telling me how tough our supervisor is. I haven’t met him yet; some guys say that our new supervisor is some hard ass resident named Dr. Spellman. Oh, where are my manners?” I’m Peter, Peter Watson.”

“LJ. LJ Spellman.”

Peter stopped walking. “You’re kidding, right.”

LJ kept smiling as she shook her head. “Afraid not.”

“Look, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“After I get my foot out of my big mouth, how about I apologize properly by buying you a drink after work?”

LJ’s smile got bigger. “I would like that.”

 Over the years, some found it odd, that everyone at Greendale middle school, both staff and students alike, all had their lunch break at noon sharp. Yet today, it was a blessing. For at 10 after 12, a fire broke out in the southeast end of the school. Far away from the cafeteria and the teacher’s lounge. By 12:30, all the fire alarms were screaming at full force and the firetrucks were arriving just as the yard was filling with people. By 1 pm, the principal and vice-principal were busy calling parents to tell them not only about the fire but also the happy news that no one was hurt. To give the school a chance to air out all that extra smoke, afternoon classes were held outside, made possible by the nice weather. Although the flames were brief, it did ruin 2 rooms. The library and the 8th-grade classroom were burnt and would be unusable for months. By 3, it was safe to come back inside. By 3:30, the school was over and Cordelia was putting some books in her locker before heading into the girls’ bathroom. Cordelia pushed open the door and froze. There, among a dozen lit candles, were her 3 best friends and the new girl, Sara, all hovering over an Ouija board.