#yes this is unoriginal but they are classics for a reason!!!

[highways-are-liminal-spaces]

Okay so....all time top 10 bad media list. i linked 3 musical performances that are forever embedded into my soul, but for all the others, it’s the full experience that makes them. every one of these is easy to torrent (cop rock especially had fucking better be easy to torrent because i’ve been seeding it for a year as a gift to the world.)

1. cop rock

2. c me dance

3. saving christmas

4. santa and the ice cream bunny

5. i know who killed me

6. the creeping terror

7. deep blue sea

8. the apple

9. the book of henry

10. fateful findings

[refractionfish]

rating akira's outfits from the devilman manga because he's a fashion king and i'm tired of the denial

FIT ONE: little shit goes to school. 3/10.

not off to a great start. every anime boy who likes beating the shit out of people walks around their shirt unbuttoned — UNORIGINAL. points are only granted for the confidence, eyeliner, and being so dedicated to this stupid look to unbutton both the uniform jacket and undershirt.

FIT TWO: matching striped jammies. 6/10.

tits out even while in pajamas! no wonder miki won't leave the guy alone. plus, one can't not appreciate the kitschy charm of a pajama set. real honk shoo honk shoo mimimimimi vibes. however, points lost because all go nagai protags own this set.

FIT THREE: perfect for sitting gayly in a chair. 9/10.

if there is one thing that i liked about 2010s fashion it was the ringer shirts. i fucking love a contrasting hem. we're also seeing an effective use of the sandwich method: light top, dark pants, light shoes. bell bottoms always a win. points lost because i dont think converse are the move when your pants are a little too short.

FIT FOUR: even gayer than the last 10/10.

this could be the fit as above and nagai just forgot details of it, seeing as he forgets the lace up neck on literally the next page. however it looks different enough that im counting it separately. considering the prev, we have an already great fit made even better by the deeper cleavage + sexy neckline. literally no complaints here.

FIT FIVE: goth rugby player. 20/10.

personal bias for monochromatic fits coming through here but whatever!! the flares + rugby shirt w/ contrasting collar is absolutely incredible. sleek with visual flare from the collar, of which the contrast serves to draw attention directly to the tits. which was the intended goal, i'm sure.

FIT SIX: literally double breasted. 0/10.

i'm sorry akira but what is this. "double breasted" because he has two jackets on, a look that i think only works if the under-jacket is lighter. a uniform jacket under a blazer just warrants the question of why doesn't one wear a heavier jacket.

FIT SEVEN: goth steve jobs. 100/10.

THE CLASSIC DEVILMAN FIT. the fit for a reason. all black is always so sleek and so sexy. add that to a turtleneck and little gay booties and you have a fit that defines alluring. the class of it all is somehow more sexy than the deep cleavage favored earlier in the story.

FIT EIGHT: the boyfriend fit. 8/10.

yes that is ryo's shirt and blazer — akira's got all ripped when he fought the demon army. clearly ryo's got more reserved tastes compared to akira, and the result is classy. i prefer flashier, so most points are awarded for pulling off the wearing my boyfriend's shirt look.

FIT NINE: inappropriate apocalypse attire. 6/10.

back in his own clothes and thus back to showing off the tits. looks like a white shirt and black pants, which is nothing to write home about despite tailoring looking nice. cleavage is the only thing pulling this above 5.

average score: 18/10!! i hope to have made my point!! put some respect on akira's name for knowing how to dress.

[lulu2992]

After listening to this song on repeat and/or having it regularly stuck in my head these past few weeks, I’ve finally seen Wish!

I had read many reviews that said the movie was bland because it lacked originality, and while I understand this point of view, in a way... I think it was intentional.

The film was released for Walt Disney Animation Studios’ 100th Anniversary and is full of more or less obvious references to other Disney movies, whether it’s a well-known character name that’s mentioned, someone directly quoting another film, or even just a background, object, gesture, or scene composition that, for some reason, feels familiar. The fact that all those “Easter eggs”, which could have been very annoying but, in my opinion, manage to remain fun (not really in a self-mocking way as Enchanted did, though), exist, combined with the images that appear during the end credits and the scene that follows (yes, there is a post-credits scene), make me say the goal was to make the “Disneyest Disney movie”.

Wish is not lazy, it’s a celebration.

It’s still its own film with its own story, but it’s first and foremost a tribute to Walt Disney Animation Studios, all the movies they’ve released over the years, and the now iconic (some might say overused) concepts of “wishing upon a star” and hoping your “dreams come true”. At one point, there’s also a flip book (with a time chart!), and I see this as a nod to traditional animation, as well as an homage to the original “magic makers”: animators in general.

So yes, it’s unoriginal and maybe not the most memorable Disney film. As you would expect, it opens on a storybook, takes place in a fictional kingdom, features a heroine who has an animal sidekick and a dead parent, and she has to fight against a charismatic villain who uses green magic. I would describe Wish as a quintessential Disney movie, and while it may not be groundbreaking, it’s still cute, pretty, and entertaining. The characters are good and, even when they don’t have a lot of screen time, have distinct personalities. I’m thinking in particular of Asha’s friends who, as I’ve just realized writing this, must be a reference to the Seven Dwarves (even their initials match)... There also are many songs, of course, as they are yet another trademark of Disney movies. Special mention to “This Is The Thanks I Get?!” because I thought it was quite catchy and the most original!

Speaking of King Magnifico, he really is a great character and “classic” Disney villain, and it feels like we hadn’t seen that in a while. That said, [spoilers]…

...I was a bit disappointed they introduced his tragic backstory (without fully explaining what exactly happened, by the way) and then didn’t really do anything with it at the end. Sure, it humanizes him, gives him depth, and explains why he’s unhealthily obsessed with being in control, and I agree that not all villains need or deserve a full redemption arc, but… I don’t know, since they mention the fact his family died and that the fear of loss is what motivates him (at least at the beginning), I expected that to play a bigger role in the story, and especially in its conclusion. I’m not saying he should have been redeemed because I don’t know if it would have worked in that story anyway, but taking into account his past, the fact they mention it several times, and what they (Disney) have been doing with many of their villains lately, I simply thought it was likely to happen. Maybe King Magnifico didn’t necessarily “deserve better” as a person because he does become “evil”, to the point that even Queen Amaya, his wife, eventually turns her back on him despite their seemingly sincere connection, but as a character, I’m inclined to say he did…

Oh well, at least he has the coolest villain song!

Also, knowing my love for charismatic antagonists with a tragic backstory, maybe it’s best for me that they didn’t explore that further and just let him apparently irremediably lose himself. Had they decided to “save” him, even partially, or give the audience more reasons to feel sorry for him, I fear I could really have spiraled out of control :’)

[kaguya-muneuji]

Dtgtghtggtgjteeg hi um I give you both Aira and Hiiro

Struggled with the hair

Didn't feel like line art but it probably would've been faster

Anyways demigod Aira was in my head after seeing you talk about it

Aira gets winged shoes and Hiiro gets a hat that makes him invisible

(Am recalling Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus where Annabeth has that hat)

And like when Aira and Hiiro encounter some kinda monster, Hiiro puts the hat on Aira and the winged shoes sense danger so they immediately fly Aira away

And Hiiro is left alone to fight the monster (Aira wanted to stay but Hiiro insisted he could fight alone)

As for the shoes, they originally just have a heart but as Aira meets the rest of Alkaloid, he sews patches of the symbols that represent them onto the shoes

Ok that's all. Giving you all the strength to complete your art project hiiai woo

im so sorry this took so long to answer i was sleeping and then i. i had to doodle for this. i cant stop thinking about it now. anyway this is going under a cut im going to. ramble. a lot now.

i think when aira first gets his winged shoes he immediately trips over himself- im not sure how hed get it, maybe he found them while cleaning out his closet or smth? they wouldnt have the wings then but after a couple of days BAM theyd have wings. these shoes be blessed by hermes! (or a god of travel / wind from different mythologies. im going greek just to make it easier on myself ajskdfkj) and then aira trips as the shoes try to fly off LMAO

i also think that. each shoe has one wing to make a pair of wings when together, so hed have to wear both shoes to be able to get the hang of it. idk i just always thought that itd be more interesting to have the shoes kinda imbalanced? idk what im getting at here. help

as for this au i think they wont necessarily be born demigods but more along the lines of "the gods blessed them and now they have slight powers / they have magical items that allow them to do things" so !! (this makes it easier on myself again)

okok!! hiiro time!! yes, the classic invis hat from percy jackson and the olympians <3 i love that book series so much... gahh!!! anyway i love the idea of him having an invis hat (i could not think of anything else ok. i am unoriginal) and hoenstly? he would be able to take a fight with a monster (hes canonically rly strong and im pretty sure he. also is in the karate(?) club with tetora) i dont think he'd use it much? i dunno. hmm does this mean he has been blessed by athena?

(i am extending this to alkaloid now) mayoi... he definitely has an item blessed (cursed?) by hades or smth. and he keeps it near / on him at all times which is partly why hes. so strange all the time. he doesnt want the effects of the item (maybe an amulet or some other small thing that he held sentimental value to?) to affect others. the other part of him being strange is. just his canon reasons. this au is literally just adding magic items to canon lmao btu STILL

tatsumi... i am thinking a pocketwatch. but imnot sure what magical properties it might have... i do NOT want it to be time related because at first tatsumi would think "i could use this to turn back time and everything would be reset and i wouldnt do the things i now regret" type of thing but when he realizes that its. not that. angst :) thats the only reason its a pocketwatch! im trying rly hard to coem up with a deity that would "fit" him but. its so hard... maybe hestia? goddess of the hearth, tatsumi being able to make a comfortable home for anyone in himself (METAPHORICALLY. PLEASE TELL ME THIS MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL.) anyway hestia blessing would be so tatsumayo. tatsumi using pocketwatch power to at first get closer to mayoi, then feeling bad that he did that so tatsumi isolates himself from mayoi, but mayoi, not knowing what tatsumi did, is confused (but also he was also trying to push him away bc. hades blessing/curse) and now is worried that oh no, i did actually push him away this is bad!!! but its ok they reconcile with the help of hiiai!

anyway thanks for listening to me ramble too much heres some doodles as a reward <3 (i did the mayoi and tatsumi part just now so no doodles for them)

[dynamimight]

cw: THIS IS NOT A FIC, the internet is simply my diary lmao. just a lil thing to get stuff about tumblr rn out of my head. read if you please, i also rly want to talk about this w/ppl 😭😭 (readmore bc i put this in fandom tags)

i recently have been feeling a certain kind of way about reading fanfic; if i find myself scrolling (bored/looking for fun stories as always) i kinda just quickly scroll through the whole page and give?? up??? like im not as excited as i used to be. this is for a few reasons:

1. i feel like a lot of fics are the same now 👍🏼 not a terrible thing, but i really look back to the quarantine era of "forced creativity" (a different conversation) and think about just how much people were writing; not to "give out content," but to truly explore an online writing community and do something that was worthwhile. the resurgence if the "[as]" trend on tiktok really put that into perspective for me: quarantine forced ppl to explore creativity, created job opportunities based on that (influencers/content creators as we now know them), and really pushed artistry to the point of basic normalcy. even though this was a cool kind of thing (seeing so many ppl create), our level of understanding art and its brilliance was lowered. which brings me to point 2-

2. a good amount of the "creative era" of quarantine was simply ppl replicating other ppl's original ideas, or straight out stealing them to add an extra topping of fame, bc ofc "everybody wants to be famous." my best examples of this are the two sides of the tiktok coin: dancing & damelio.

dancing became a big thing, and it made sense to start dancing trends; a trend is just popularity + replication. but charli damelio becoming famous for creating one of those trends and it later being stated that a completely different girl, jalaiah harmon, created it and had no recognition until the news came out?

and yes, she was on ellen, but that pales in comparison to the millions of dollars that the damelio family made bc of one instance of improperly following a trend.

and that's what i see now with multiple online spaces; they've become boring bc everyone is doing the same thing w/o giving proper credit to anyone. before content creation & whatnot became huge, no one irl would go around seriously saying tht they created some huge, celebrity-reach trend without being checked.

now, the difference between tiktok and fanfic pertaining to "trends" is based on power imbalance. no one is gonna believe a middle schooler saying that they started the trend of wearing skirts over jeans when it was very obviously some a-list celeb. in writing, you look to your favorite authors, poets, etc. and formulate your own writing style. whether that's word choice, plot format, or anything else you can cultivate to your own writing experience.

while you can always put your own spin on new dance/fashion trend, writing is different. you wouldn't put a spin on a classic in the same way: it would be a modern retelling, or smth symbolic of the original. adding an extra move is is not equal to adding an extra sentence. and that is what leads me to my final point-

3. writing is becoming/has became very formulaic. a good amount of fics in the most popular fandoms here follow a similar style. we see this with the short cycle of complaints that went around when the fic format of "short blurb with a group of character names under it" came about. along with the fact that the format probably came from the notoriously unoriginal & wattpad-esque booktok, everyone who wanted activity in their notifs was using that format. and so now, with every new group of teens that comes here to enjoy stories and explore writing, the new "trend" isn't a fully fleshed out story: it's like pushing out content.

i'm not complaining, and i'm not saying that everyone lacks originality. i enjoy whatever ppl put out bc i know that any form of writing comes from some place within. i am simply making a written observation of something i've noticed happen over the last couple of years- being a younger teen when it started, and now growing into the basics of adulthood.

the internet is my diary lol

[oldstorynewart]

Of Fiery Friends and Faltering Fairy Tales

"What's your favorite fairy tale?"

I'm always a little conflicted when someone casts that question upon me. On the one hand it tells me I'm dealing with a wondrous spirit who still loves to be enchanted, while on the other I'm always a bit cautious. Fairy tales are tricky business – for they often contain overly conservative morals – and you never know when your conversationist is going to leave you in the woods for supporting the wrong worldview. This is why I love a good subversion of fairy tale tropes. Thankfully, the forest of fairy tale subversion films has been lusciously blooming for ages – think Shrek (2001), Stardust (2007), and Tangled (2010) – and because I adore all of these features I was very excited to see a new Netflix release with the tagline 'this is not a fairy tale'. The new Juan Carlos Fresnadillo feature Damsel (2024) achieves exactly what that tagline suggests, but maybe it should have been more careful what it wished for.

Upon the first half an hour, the movie features exposition plenty, and mostly everyone we meet reveals themselves to fit a classic fairy stereotype. There's the broke king who must marry off his daughter, there's the morally ambiguous stepmother, and there's our lead princess Elodie, played by Millie Bobbie Brown. The royal fellowship sails south in its entirety, for Elodie must wed a prince to settle her family's debt. As it turns out, prince Charming isn't such a good lad, and he tosses Elodie into a dragon's den.

Although I desperately wished to be captured by the movie's magic, I simply couldn't get behind it's burning unoriginality. At times I wished for a snow queen to come kiss my head so that I might forget having seen every scene before time and again. Sadly, destiny didn’t agree to that.

I must admit to the delight Damsel's dazzling dragon's den sequence – which takes up nearly half of the movie – brought me, ironically because it doesn't try to subvert any tropes. It sees Elodie trying to trudge her way out of the grasp of an angry serpentine (Shoreh Aghdashloo), and that's the whole plot for the next hour of runtime. Once the movie accepts it's better as standard monster horror, it absolutely excels. It's simple, suspenseful, and at times wonderfully campy.

Then Damsel draws to an end, or at least it seems that way, except it goes on because it suddenly remembers that once upon a time, it paid heed to a wretched royal drama plot. It aims to take hold of this once more, but this falters for reasons twofold. One, the movie simply seems incapable of handling fairy trope subversion, hence the setup never developed enough for it to resolve in a satisfactory way. Two, the film abandoned having-a-plot half an hour in, when said plot literally threw the main character off a cliff and walked away. In an attempt to wrap it up regardless, the tale continues with a very strange twist of events. Elodie befriends her intergenerational-genocidal captor, and the now Stockholm-syndrome-celebratory movie aims to set the skies aflame with a Targarianesque trope, which falls flat on its face completely. The ending is clearly meant to be euphoric, but for every problematic trope it questions (yes, Morally Ambiguous Stepmother is now Kindly Stepmother and Greedy King Father sacrifices himself to save his not-such-a-damsel of a daughter) it invents two new ones.

I guess the tagline does ring true, but not in the way the filmmakers might have hoped. Although I love a good fairy tale, as well as a good 'this-isn't-a-fairy-tale' fairy tale, Damsel is neither. It's like a witch's spell befell the film, and an oh-so-simple monster movie took on the false appearance of complex high fantasy. Upon my guess, Damsel’s solemn destiny is to forever gather dust on Netflix's shelves. Which is probably for the best, because here’s a proper cautionary tale: mention this as your favorite fairy tale, and it's bound to get you killed.

[novelmonger]

Professor Layton and the Last Specter - Not my favorite of the series, but a solid game nonetheless! The main draw for me was getting to see the first meeting of Professor Layton and Luke Triton. Luke is so cute in this one! :3

ICO - My favorite game of all time, bar none. This game was the reason I bought a PS2 with my brother. I read an article about it in a gaming magazine (yes, a physical magazine, back when that was a thing, lol); it caught my attention because the author said the game made him cry. (Is it a tear-jerker? I'll probably like it five times more than any other kind of story! XD) And it was worth every penny. You play as a twelve-year-old boy with horns that grow out of his head, who is abandoned in a crumbling ruin of a castle in the hopes that misfortune won't come upon his village. But then the sarcophagus in which he's placed breaks open, and Ico decides he wants to try to escape. As he explores the castle, he comes upon another child trapped there - a girl kept in a cage. He helps her out, and together they run from the spirits who guard the place. The game is like a fairy tale come to life, with so much of the story left up to interpretation - but that just makes me think about it even more. The aesthetic of the castle is great, the puzzles are challenging, but best of all is the bond you end up developing with the girl, Yorda. Because she's mostly helpless to defend herself or find a way out, you're constantly helping her along, holding her hand, fighting enemies off before they can grab her. You grow so protective of her because it's game over if something happens to her, and that means developing a stronger bond with her than most video game characters. By the end, you really do feel like she's your friend.

Minesweeper - I find it very hard to believe that 6.2% of the people who voted have never played Minesweeper. Really?! That was my obsession for several years. I would play it during breaks in schoolwork, and I got to the point where I recognized patterns based on the colors of the numbers, rather than the numbers themselves, if that makes sense. I'm woefully out of practice now, because I haven't played it in years, but it's one of the best time-wasters there is.

Kathy Rain - Beautiful pixel graphics. An engaging story and classic adventure game stuff to figure out. Unfortunately, I didn't like it at all once I realized how extremely anti-Christian it was - in the most unoriginal ways, too. Oh noooo, the priest is secretly running a satanic cult? Who could have seen that coming????

StepMania - The poor man's DDR, free to play, with a plethora of fan-made songs to download so you can play songs you actually know and like! ^_^ I have played this so much just with a keyboard, and I'm really interested in finding a dance pad and trying that out once I move somewhere I don't have downstairs neighbors.

Super Smash Bros. - The original. In my opinion, still the best of the franchise. Sure, there aren't as many characters or stages to choose from. But it's solid. It's responsive. Every character feels very distinct and unique, and an experienced player can realistically become proficient at all of them. That doesn't mean I'm a proficient player, despite how much I've played this game. I mostly just played Link ^^'

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Aw, just barely lost to The Last Specter! This is my all-time favorite Zelda game, one of the few that really captured what I wanted from the franchise. I've played it so many times, I think I've probably uncovered all the secrets and hidden areas. I've also played Master Quest a couple times and a randomizer multiple times; that's how much I love it. It's like a fairy tale that you can play, with just the right amount of humor and just the right amount of epicness. The music is to die for. It has the introduction of Adult Link! And Navi is the best companion. Fight me.

Dead Secret - Lol, not surprised nobody voted for this one :P It's a horror game that I'm pretty sure was made for VR, with simple controls, a few different endings, and fairly straightforward puzzles, but unfortunately a lot of plot holes and confusing bits. It was all right, but I wouldn't play it again.

Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, Round 1.25

Welcome to the Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, where we will find out which of the games I've played is the best game of all time!

Why? Don't ask. Just vote and reblog!

[hellfireclub-at-thebau]

Hi Haley! I challenge you to use the "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss," quote and "Okay, so do it, doc."

YES YES YES

(Also don't judge me this is my first smut)

Office Hours (18+)

Summary: Things get hot and heated when reader challenges Professor Spencer Reid’s authority, so Spencer teaches reader a lesson on who really has the power.

Content Rating: Smut

Content Warning: mentions of serial killers, graphic depictions of animal death, slight angst, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, degredation, flirting, oral sex (giving and receiving), fingering, choking, spanking, cursing, pet names, creampie, cursing, public sex, orgasm denial

Word Count: 2.2k

I figured I would show up to his office early enough to surprise him. Our session wasn’t going to start until 6, but I think 5:45 was reasonable enough to get my things in order.

I knocked on the door as I entered, peeking in to see if anyone was there.

And there he was, Professor Reid, sat at his desk with a pile of essays and paperwork, reading as fast as I could practically blink. He looked up at me with disdain, as if he never wanted me to show up at all.

“You’re early.” He sighed, before returning to his stack of paperwork.

“And? Early is on time. On time is late.” I stated, closing the wooden door and making my way down to one of the desks that sat in front of his. Setting my bag down onto the desktop, I rummaged through it to get my notebook for his class, the blue cover shining in the fluorescent lighting above us.

Sitting down, I looked up to glance at my professor, who was still reading through his other students’ essays from the week prior.

“I still can’t believe you read that fast.” I said.

“There’s a lot of things about me that you underestimate, Miss Y/L/N.” He said coldly, not daring to look at me.

I bit the inside of my lip, opening my notebook to find the next blank page. The page next to it was my list of ideas for the final essay. He wanted us to find a certain crime or serial killer, and connect it to the court’s charges, define the charges, and perhaps, argue against them.

“Professor? I was wondering if I could write my final about the BTK?” I asked, getting up from my desk to approach him at his.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair and lightly tapping his index finger on his chin.

“The BTK? That’s very unoriginal. Find something more interesting.” He spat.

“But think about it! He spent his early days watching kittens suffocate, and when he saw his mom stuck under the couch, he became aroused! Those are classic early childhood triggers to sociopathic behavior!” I ranted, but he seemed like he had no intention of listening.

“I’ve heard it all before. Find something new.” He said,

I groaned, sitting on his desk.

“Don’t sit on my desk, Y/N.” He ordered.

“Could I work on the Gypsy Rose Blanchard case? Munchausen by proxy has become a lot more common these days.” I said.

“Still not going to impress me.” He said flatly.

“You think I wanna impress you?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Based on how desperate you are, I would say yes.” He shrugged, leaning forward on his chair.

I furrowed my eyebrows, my knuckles turning white. “I’m not desperate. I just want a good grade.” I growled.

“I am just surprised you haven’t whored yourself out for me yet.” He said, a smile on his face.

Did he really just say that?

“Come on, I’ve seen how you talk to these young men in my class. You are no stranger to the sexuality you exude, and I’ve noticed you’ve used it as a tool of manipulation.” He explained.

“You profiled me?” I asked, almost yelling at this point.

“Don’t get a tone with me, young lady.” He spat, now standing up from his chair, and getting close to me.

There was a moment of silence as we both stared at each other with daggers in our eyes. I could see every detail etched into his skin, every scar, freckle, and wrinkle he had endured. But I could tell he was seething with anger, or perhaps, lust.

But then again, so was I.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll spend the rest of this study period silent, if you stop acting like an asshole to me in class.” I whispered, putting my hand out for him to shake.

“I don’t need to make a deal with you to get you to shut the fuck up. Besides, the number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s safer to kiss.” He whispered as well.

Was he testing me? Fine. Two can play this game.

“So do it, Doctor.” I practically spat, before his large hands grabbed my face and pulled me in for the roughest kiss I had ever endured.

His lips were soft, but he kissed me with a hunger I had never experienced before, to the point where I almost lost my balance. My arms instantly wrapped around his neck, which deepened the kiss, while his tongue licked my lip for entrance, battling mine for dominance.

His teeth grazed my bottom lip as he kissed me, almost too roughly. His hands traveled down to my waist, where he pushed me up and onto the desk, in the only spot where paper had never touched it.

He seemed like he knew what he was doing, even though he acted so much like an incel in class. He pulled my hair, yanking my head back as he attacked my neck, kissing it roughly before finding the most sensitive spot, sucking and biting it roughly. I couldn’t help but grip his hair as he did this, my center getting wetter by the second.

He pulled off of my neck in order to fix his belt. “You enjoying this? Do you enjoying knowing that when you walk back to your dorm, everyone will know you’re a fucking whore?” He spat, stepping out of his brown pants, leaving him in his gray boxers.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be a slut if I didn’t.” I said sliding off the desk to get onto my knees.

He pulled down his boxers, letting his erection spring out and slap against his stomach. He was bigger than I expected him to be, and thicker too. My mouth watered at the sight, and my cunt throbbing at the thought of him pounding me with his cock.

I began to stroke his cock, but he slapped my face and pulled my hair to make me look at him. I was surprised at first, but I didn’t realize how much it turned me on.

“No hands. If you use your hands, I won’t pound that pretty little pussy of yours.” He ordered, tapping the head of his cock on my face.

I stuck out my tongue and began to lick his shaft, leaving small kisses as I traveled to the tip of his head. I spat a large amount of saliva on his cock, before beginning to take him fully in my mouth, not daring to stray from full eye contact.

I began to slowly tease him, starting slow as I bobbed my head up and down. I reached the end of my limit, and began to gag. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as he leaned his head back in pleasure.

Knowing the men I’m fucking around with are enjoying my sexual nuances turned me on, so I began to go faster on his length, spit building up at my bottom lip. His hips bucked as I blew him, grabbing my hair to push me farther down his length. Tears welled in my eyes as the back of my throat was hit by his large cock.

He growled, forcing my mouth off of his cock. Picking me up by the hair, he threw me on the desk again, grabbing my shirt and pulling it off of me. I started to pull down my leggings, revealing the bareness of my skin underneath.

“No panties? I knew you were a fucking whore.” He growled, ripping my leggings off of me and spreading my legs open.

The glistening shine of my moist cunt was a sight he obviously enjoyed, as he ran his fingers down my slit. I shivered, my inner thighs twitching at the feeling.

He pushed on my chest, implying that I should lie back on his desk, and I did so, taking off my bra in the process. He slapped the inside of my thigh, making me whine in both pain and pleasure.

Slowly but surely, he slipped two slender fingers inside my cunt, getting a feel for the tightness that surrounded him.

“Such a tight little pussy. I’ve never met a whore with such a tight little cunt.” He growled, beginning to pump his fingers in and out of me. My back arched instinctively, throwing my head back as my cunt tightens with each thrust of his fingers.

It wasn’t until his mouth was on my clit that I finally let out a moan. “Fuck, Professor…” I moan, looking down to look him in the eye as he sucked on my center.

He ripped his mouth off my clit. “Call me ‘Sir.’” He ordered, before kissing me roughly to cover my own moans of pleasure.

I held myself up by my core, holding onto the man who held the key to my orgasm. “Fuck me, Sir. Or are you not man enough?” I teased, licking my lips. He pulled his fingers out of me, taking the same hand and wrapping it around my neck, choking me lightly.

“Turn around.” He spat. His dominance shook my legs with pleasure, the feeling of my cunt throbbing against his cock being the ultimate goal.

I slightly hopped off the desk, turning around and bending over it. He lightly rubbed my asscheek, letting the tips of his fingers trail over my delicate skin. This made goosebumps appear on my skin, but the feeling was quickly ruined with a heavy smack.

I whined, going to pick myself up to face him. He took the back of my head and pushed it against the desk, making me grunt in frustration.

“Take it, you whore. A bitch like you needs proper punishment.” Spencer grumbled.

“I’m a bitch now?” I asked.

“My bitch, Y/N. And you’ll remain my bitch as long as you’re filled with my fucking cum.” He whispered in my ear, as he slowly inserted himself in my pussy.

My back arched, my breath becoming heavier and heavier as he slowly pumped in and out of me, his hands gripping my hips tightly. I could hear his animalistic groans above me, as he started to gain speed.

“Fuck, you’re such a good little whore. Such a tight little cunt. You will never get dick like this again.” He growled, placing another loud smack on my ass.

I gritted my teeth, letting a sharp inhale replace the string of curse words I thought about saying in my brain. “Yes, Sir… I’m such a fucking whore. Your whore.” I whined, grabbing at anything on his desk that could help me grip onto the small amount of control I tried to have.

Out of nowhere, he stopped. He exited my cunt and slapped my other asscheek. “Face me. I want you to look in my eyes when you cum.” He spat, placing two more smacks onto my ass.

I nodded, getting up and sitting on the desk again, letting my back slightly rest onto the desk. He gripped my legs, wrapping them around his waist, and inserting me with more ferocity than ever. I gripped his arm, my nails scratching down his arm and leaving small red lines.

I could feel my stomach tighten, and my climax coming closer and bigger than ever. “Please Sir… Let me cum all over your cock.” I begged, now moving my hands to pull his hair.

“No. You don’t get to cum unless I say you can.” He growled, now smirking at me.

“Please Sir…” I cried out.

“No.”

I whined louder than ever, pulling his hair harder. His thrusts were sloppier now, as he was reaching his climax, but the force intensified. “Fuck!” He groaned, leaning forward to suck on the nape of my neck.

“Cum.” He whispered, my stomach now loosening and my orgasm now at its peak. He must have reached his too, as I could feel his seed spilling out of me when he exited. He looked at the work he had done, and watched his cum drip out of me.

“Get dressed.” He ordered, throwing my clothes at me. Though I was surprised that he was still an asshole to me, even after this encounter, but what did I expect? Hugs and kisses and rainbows?

I quickly put myself together, getting off of his desk. Straightening my clothes, I walked back to my desk and grabbed my bag, putting my notebook in my bag.

“Before you go…” He began, sitting down on his swivel chair.

I sighed, letting the bag rest on my left shoulder.

“The essay is due in two weeks.” He said flatly.

“But I have no topic.” I retorted.

“Do the BTK. Dennis Rader has always interested me.” He simply stated, going back to grading my peers’ essays.

I licked my lip, looking down and seeing my bra was still next to his desk.

“Keep the bra… Sir.” I winked, making my way out the door.

God, I can’t wait to annoy him again.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

rate, from 1 to 10, weird Napoleonic ships that were on Ao3

I mean, what constitutes "weird"?

I am, after all, a purveyor of fine Galaxy Brained takes when it comes to pairings.

I suppose I will apply my not-at-all standardized or rigorous or consistent concept of "weird" with 1 being "whatevs/normal" and 10 being "we should marry because our brains are the same brains"

I am only taking non-real relationships. Like, no Napoleon/Josephine or Arthur/Kitty or whatever. Also no fictional things (so no Assassins Creed etc.)

Napoleon/Alexander I - 1. This is entry level Napoleonic shipping. People shipped it in 1806 and people ship it now. Weak in the weirdness category.

Napoleon/Duroc - I give this a 2 only because no one in 1806 was like "hmmm, let's make miniature portraits of them kissing". But it's also entry level. Not weak, though, because Duroc is tender and I love him. They're also a solid heart-break ship, but in a different way to Napoleon/Alexander

Jean-Baptiste Bessières/Jean Lannes - 5. Solid. They're marshals, it's going to be messy. It's going to be spicy. It's Bessieres, the man with the best nose and the biggest balls when it came to confronting Napoleon. And Jean "I call Napoleon a whore [affectionate] in public" Lannes. It's also a pairing I wouldn't have initially thought of, so points for originality.

William Pitt the Younger/William Wilberforce - 4. Not common, but that terrible Amazing Grave movie really set them up so it's less out of left field as one would think. Also Willy Pitt Jr. ran with a racy and wild crowd when young so I can see him making out with Wilberforce, drunk, at 5am and being like "it's fiiiiiine"

Napoleon Bonaparte/ Ludwig van Beethoven - FINNALLY some real meat on the bones! I give this a 9. This is a solid ship that I am now invested in, having thought about it for approximately ten seconds. Love it. Anyone who writes music for another person, only to have their heart shattered by that person, then just retitles it and is petty about it all - Glorious. Whoever over on AO3 that wrote some hard smut for these too, call me maybe?

Napoleon Bonaparte/Jean Lannes - another 1 to 2. Unoriginal. Everyone thinks of them after pondering Napoleonic pairings for more than ten minutes. Lannes was as clingy as Duroc but was feistier about it. Napoleon's heart shattered at both their deaths. Yes, yes, been there done that. Give me something weirder.

Napoleon Bonaparte/Arthur Wellesley - OBVIOUSLY I am here for this pairing. I give it only an 7 on the weird scale though because they are SUCH classic Enemies-to-Lovers that it's like...textbook. They might not have met in real life, but Arthur supposedly did save Napoleon's life on the battle field when that sniper had N in line of sight and asked for permission to shoot and A was like "we're generals fighting a battle, not assassins" or something along those lines. Also, BOY HOWDY have they met in my head. As always, any who ship them, ummmm look me up?

Alexander I/Metternich - GOOD. YES. This is a 10. This is a: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahh I love it. Bonkers. What even! Galaxy Brain. I will say, I wouldn't read anything with them because Alexander annoys me on a personal level, but I fully respect this ship and those that are into it.

George IV/Female OC - eh a 3. Purely because Prinny is usually not sought after material, in terms of fiction, so respect for that. But it's straight and not buck-wild as a concept so 3.

Fouché/Talleyrand - OK SO YES. But the ONLY reason this isn't getting a 10 and only like a 9 is that I thought of this when I was fourteen and if fourteen year old me was like "those two old men fucked but in a hate-fuck way" then I feel like it's sort-of low hanging fruit? BUT. It's also fucking WILD because of the two men involved so hence the high rating. Fouche and Talleyrand would ROLE in their graves and this delights me.

I’ve revised my thoughts on the above - they’re a 10. It’s weird. They’re absolutely a 10 together. Eat it, Charles-Maurice. 

Napoleon Bonaparte / Sir Sidney Smith - giving this a solid 9 because of rare-pair reasons and like William Sidney Smith was a Piece of Work personality wise and so was Napoleon and the two of them just like...fucking on a boat is delightful. Also, as Napoleon's prisoner for that while in Paris, I feel like it can go to some weird dark places which pleases me. 

Alexander I/Caulaincourt - 10. THIS IS A 10. WHAT EVEN. Sorry Caulaincourt and anyone is like above a 5 by virtue of involving Caulaincourt. Bless him. Napoleon would be j-e-a-l-o-u-s and hahahah oh man. Ohhhh man. yeah. this is for sure a 10.

Berthier/Napoleon Bonaparte - Ooooh I think this is a sweet 7.5. Maybe an 8. But it's an 8 that can call me maybe?? the person who thought this up? Berthier out here defenestrating himself because of Napoleon. Heartbreaking. Berthier all overworked and under appreciated - my love for the civil service continues. Yeah. This is a little weird, a little unepxected, but I roll with it.

Talleyrand/Napoleon Bonaparte - ok so I can't decide if this is a 10 or an 8. Because as soon as I saw this pairing I was like "YES. this is it. This is Gold" but then I was like "wait, though, it makes a lot of sense. I can make this work" which lowers in the weirdness category. what even is weird. Regardless of whether you feel it is an 10 or an 8 in your soul, the person who came up with it can invade my brain and heart all they want. Gout and all.

Ok - there are endless pairings in the Napoleon RPF tag on AO3 and I've picked from the first two tabs. There were some I didn't include for various reasons (Bessieries/Duroc, par exemple) but I hope you enjoyed.

And if anyone wants to take a swing at Talleyrand/Napoleon or Beethoven/Napoleon or Fouché/Talleyrand, I'm *here* for you.

[pyox1]

[9:33pm] "He parked in my spot! Again!" You scoffed, peeking through the blinds of your window. "What a douchebag..." Your roommate sighed, her head hurting from your constant whines against the next door neighbor.

"Why don't you just confront him?" She asked as if it was the most obvious thing to do, only hoping that you'll agree to silence you.

"And risk embarrassing myself or him just telling me to screw off?! Never." Another sigh left her lips. "Plus, I have no idea who he is, it's not like I'd know who to talk to."

"He lives in the appartement right next to ours." She said, matter of fact.

"Still! What if someone else answers the door? And what if I start insulting the wr-"

"Oh my god!" You roommate interrupted you, fed up. "Key his car! I don't know! Why should I care?" Your mouth shut slowly as you catched the key she threw your way. "Just- please. My head is throbbing right now and your nonsense is not helping in any way right now."

"Of course, sorry. My parking spot holds a special place in my heart, you know that." She laughs, while you close the front door behind you, walking with determination towards the old toyota prius that you oh so hated. Looking around, you made sure the coast was clear before squating down to the level of the driver's door.

What could you possibly write or draw on this idiot's car... You could go for a dick, a well known classic, but unoriginal. You could also decorate it with nicknames such as dickhead, asshole, moron, parking thief, the possibilities were endless. You took a deep breath of air, bringing the key up to the car.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Without turning around you answered the unknown voice.

"I'm about to give this imbecile what he deserves." The person behind you cleared its throat, the voice now much closer to you. You turned around to be faced with a tall guy, brown hair and soft eyes. His skin was tan and he stood nonchalantly, his hands in the pockets of his pants. You were sure had never seen him before. It would've been hard to forget a pretty face like his.

"I'm sorry- but who are you? As you can see, i'm in the middle of something." You dangled the keychain between your index and your thumb.

"Well, I'm the imbecile's car's owner." You felt all the color drain out of your face as you stood back up, getting to eye level with the guy.

"I am SO sorry. Oh my- oh my- I didn't mean to- shit." You ran you hand through your hair, while he stared amusingly at your small breakdown. "Fuck- I had no idea you were the owner of this vehicule, please forgive me."

"Don't sweat it," He chuckled, crossing his arms. "I feel like there must be a reason behind you wanting to sabotage my car... Care to explain?" You had never felt as small as today, still being almost the same height as the cute guy in front of you. While you tried to explain your motives in the most polite way, and without stuttering, you couldn't help but notice his growing smirk. He didn't seem mad at all, which confused you.

"Again, I'm sorry." You said, putting an end to your explanation.

"Again, you technically didn't do anything wrong, at the end I'm the asshole of the story. I shouldn't be parking in your spot."

"Oh, uh, don't worry, it's fine." You were taken aback by his understanding and kindness. You were ashamed of yourself for expecting him to be some big jerk while he was the one apologizing.

"But I do expect some kind or payement for such malicious ideas towards my car." He started, walking closer. "What about I take you out on a date? And then we can call it even."

The blood suddenly all rushed back to your face. You tried to formulate an answer but the words kept getting caught in your throat, leaving you looking like a fish out of water.

"I'll take the blush as a yes." He tried to hold back his laugh. You suddenly relaxed, his words making you feel more at ease.

"I'm Haechan by the way, or Lee Donghyuck, but most commonly known as the imbecile."

[bluepallilworld]

And we continue with the original stories, more fun this time ;D

(like it's quite silly you'll see)

I was posting it on wattpad so I had the habit to add some music:

Chapter 1: Everything is normal

Once upon a time, there was a cute little library.

When I think about it, perhaps using the word cute is a little bit exaggerated... But I can assure you it really was a library and little ! With books and...others books... and not-fish things? Because what kind of crazy person would put a fish in a library ? Just imagine it... You walked between shelves searching for your favorite book like the normal bookworm you are... When suddenly, between a Harry Potter book and Cora, you fall face to face with a very (very) ugly -and wet- fish ! Brr r I'll do nightmares just thinking about it...

Hum hum sorry I got a bit carried away. I'll begin the story. So... where did I stop? Think, think...

Ah yes I remember!

So the library! This library was small but bigger enough to have quite a few books.

On another note, it was also very empty... but not empty like "it's closed" empty but rather "it seems no one has entered since its creation" empty.

You can feel the oldness just standing in front of the door. However it wasn't really dirty or even a bit too dusty strangely. No little spiders crawling on your back or other old building's wonders.

It'll be no surprise if I say there wasn't any electric power, right?

Even without that kind of comfort, the light coming from the window was warm and little particles of dust could be seen dancing in the shimmering glow. A few places of darkness were equally subsisting -of course- where the sunset couldn't reach anything. But all books, even when they were in weird places, were swallowed by the golden gleams.

These books seem all tidy at first glance but don't let you be fooled, that isn't really the case. Books upside-down, on shelves, lying on the floor, stuck on the ceiling (you read right, on the ceiling) or even used like bricks to build tiny structures littered the place. No sound could have been heard in this empty space. There weren't any loud noises of screeching stray animals or buzzing of random insects, only silence. Not awkward silence, just a big nice and warm blanket of silence muffling everything.

It was quiet, it was homey, it was perfect. But...but people talk often about "the calm before the storm", right?

There was actually one thing that can perturb the quietness of the room.

But can we really talk about a thing if it moves and thinks? I shouldn't ask you... You don't even know the subject of the question yet... So the being. I think it's better than just thing but that's my opinion. Perhaps I should quit rambling for a while... What do you think?

So we were talking about this doll. Oh sweet potato cheese, I forgot to say it was about a doll. But you should already know it, right? I'm sure it was indicated in the summary.

Never mind, so the doll was small (fascinating information) and had big button eyes, one classic black and one weird blue, like a lot of other dolls. A toy with short sturdy dark hair and mitten-like hands. A piece of stuff with bright blue fabric as clothes.

It has a name. And what an unoriginal name it was... "Dilly Doll"... Wonder who chose that... I'm not sure what to call Dilly? An "it", a "they", a "she" or a "he"? For this story, I'll keep the "he", I think. Why? Because! Seriously...no reason. But we do need something to call him, don't we? And here I am again... I talk and talk and we go nowhere... I'll try to stop, promise!

So Dilly was... Wait a minute? Where is he??? Oh come on I can't lose a character the first day! I'm gonna get fired and replaced by a nice new narrator with a soft beautiful voice. I'm not gonna let this happen, you're gonna have to put up with my noisy voice!

Dilly! Come here this instant, young doll! Don't you dare begin the story without me! You know people can't see what you are doing when I'm not here. I swear I'm gonna count. You win, I'm gonna do the count thing. One... twoo... threee... Hide or not here I am!

Here you are... My bad. Let's try again one last time!

The small doll had made himself a home in a basket suspended just under the ceiling. It was quite well hidden.

The little place was flooded with colorful fabrics and strings. When light succeeded to reach it, it was reflected in beautiful glows all over the room by a few metallic buttons. False fireflies floating everywhere to the very delight of Dilly who likes the festive mess so much.

He was quite attracted to colors (from the murky brown of a particularly dirtied part of the floor to the flashy colors of children's books).

Each time he discovered a new colorful tint, a feeling of happiness bubbled in his belly, making him want to sing. But he couldn't sing or even talk, he wasn't this kind of doll... So he makes up for that with big gestures and silly little dances every so often.

Sometimes his emotions were so strong that someone could swear his plain blue dress was beginning to be more yellowish than blue. He makes a quest to find a sample of all these fabulous hues to put in his little haven.

Under all the fabric, there were quite a few pieces of paper, worn out leather, translucent glass or forgotten money. He put his favorites on the top to snuggle into at night. He doesn't care about the hard bits since himself is pretty soft and sluggish.

He always did wonder how those pretty shades would look on him. Give him a needle and he can work wonders. So many clothes had been made and unmade by his floppy hand. However none had won his heart better than his current attire. He doesn't know why but he likes the fact the dress color was almost the same as his left button.

Also with shining red fabric, immaculate white one and a single string, he made himself a cute little pooch who I swear is bigger inside... A good part of his sewing material was currently sleeping inside the pleated bag in case he stuck himself in a ratty hole and lost a few stitches or his whole arm. The little thing looks like a poisonous mushroom (The bag. Obviously it's the bag not the doll).

Dilly likes his life in the library. He enjoys trying to read the half-erased stories of the old books. Some don't even have a title. He likes to fill the blanks by his own little flutters of imagination.

He was here currently reading, spread out like a starfish, on a shaky platform. This one was one of his special picks. The colors of the images were stunning.

The words written with a wobbly hand were too difficult to be understood...

Was it a w or an ink stain? But, anyway, the doll found it more interesting to examine the gilding and big colorful first letter of each chapter. He loves this one particular swirl more than all the others. Yes, this one.

He pressed his face further and further against the good smelling paper, legs moving fast in excitement. Suddenly, the puppet stopped feeling paperish matter under his face and frowned in confusion.

He tripped.

*******************************************************

@yuriyuruandyuraart @dragon-tamer-1 @diofasolia here's the other story :D

And Dilly Doll's old ref

>chapter 2<

[cats-artbag]

.:From story to thumbnail (SwapOut):.

@eaudecrow​ @chatxkilluaxnoir​

I’m so sorry I’m getting to these so late, my brain wanted to organize the thoughts regarding to this topic first, but I decided to start typing it out and will try my best to explain my process to you!

------------------------

I had an idea one day which was something like “US!Pap dressing up as UT!Pap” that became “A skelebro impersonating the other”, which resulted in this phone doodle in April 2016 (and then later considered a sans version)

Then I wanted to make it into a story, so I began to think of some sort of a beginning, and an end, which are kinda easier to think of than the middle part. In fact I’m probably still thinking of how to make the middle better haha

I knew from the start that I wanted to do a crossover between Underswap and Undertale, and have a skelebro from one universe impersonate the other. And for trippy, inter-universal travel to happen, I had to think of a reason for Swap to activate his time machine, which is usually a last resort.

So here I figured out and established a setting that I wanted to start off in:

Starts in Genocide route in UnderSwap/Undertale where Frisk/Chara doesn’t return. US!Papyrus lost his US!Sans to Frisk. He killed them but now he's moping around, waiting for them to RESET... but nobody came. (Well... he did say if Frisk truly was their friend, they wouldn't come back.) There's no RESET. US!Sans never comes back home. No one does.

Which left me with this summary for the story:

“US!Papyrus snaps in his timeline and accidentally travels to UT where he ______.”

At this point I didn’t know how I’d end it, but I knew I’d loosely follow a route in Undertale where he’d end up [REDACTED], so it wasn’t like I was working completely from scratch in the first place for this story. I was never good at making things up from scratch, so working off of something that already exists i.e. doing fanart makes it easier. At the same time, I didn’t want to be unoriginal, which is hard haha ;;

Since he was going to the classic UT universe, I knew he’d have to interact with the characters there along the way before he finally reached the end.

So while keeping all that in mind, I finished typing a first draft of the entire story.

Yes, I typed the ENTIRE script for the comic before I started drawing anything.

Which, honestly? ...I think you’re supposed to do??

But when you’re young and just starting off comics, it’s easy to be impatient and to want to just work off the top of your head as you draw your comic...

I literally can’t do that though, as proven by my old comics that I never got around to drawing more than 2 pages of before I didn’t know where I was going. It’s also why I’m terrified of attempting the kinds of tumblr comics that swerve based on asks from people haha! I really admire the people who are able to do so.

I actually typed all these early thoughts here when I posted the first SwapOut page

Anyway after typing the first draft of the script, I finally let myself start the thumbnails. My script was divided into how much I thought would fit in a comic page as I typed, so I drew a thumbnail based on each divided section.

For example :

(these thumbnails are usually posted in the $2 tier on my patreon!)

The way I type my scripts is not standard at all, so if I know how I’ll draw them, I type their actions with their dialogue mashed together x’D But usually I’ll just type the dialogue by itself and keep going, spacing them out for each page. Also it’s good to arrange them so it helps the page flow naturally reading from left to right. (same with drawing as well!)

After that, I kinda use the thumbnail directly as a sketch nowadays (cos i’m a lazybones) and go straight into doing lines (or a more detailed sketch if the thumbnail is too rough/vague)

And that’s pretty much it! It took me a while to choose a page for an example haha but I think this is one of my favourites

As for Chapter 5, all the new pages were actually the scenes with Swap blasting his blaster! They weren’t originally planned in the script but I wanted to add more to the comic rather than him just enter the void and get out haha

I think a page probably takes me two days if I already have the thumbnail ready and I’m working on it straight without breaks, but I’ve been doing more of those which honestly makes my life on this a little easier (less grumpy and more relaxed yes please)

Again sorry this took so long to reply to! I’m also thinking of doing a more detailed tutorial thing for my Patreon but I feel like I already explained most of it here haha ;; Maybe more red flow line examples of my pages? idk

Asks are always welcome! I just suck at replying to them aha ;;

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

[queerwarriorwitches]

Do you think if raelle finds out tally knew about scylla, that she is in some sort of cahoots with the spree, that she'll be upset maybe block her out/ ignore her, blame her for scylla being imprisoned

Honestly, yes, and this is for a few reasons:

First, it is a classic trope to have characters keep secrets from each other. Even with good intentions, we know the fallout is never great. Mis/lack-of communication is easy to plot out and have as a source of conflict in a series.

Second, they need to create conflict within The Unit for general B plots that lead to (potentially, if not usually) character growth. Raelle and Abigail are slowly joining forces and keeping them at odds will begin to feel stale and unoriginal after a while. Tally on the other hand? Prime target for new conflict. She and Raelle have always clicked, she’s acts as the link between Abigail and Raelle early on, and is shown to be fiercely loyal and caring. It also plays into another trope of “betrayal” from the person the character in question [Raelle] least expects.

Lastly, and this I hate to say, but I feel like the show has set it up as Raelle caring more for Scylla than The Unit. This isn’t to say she doesn’t care deeply for Tally and Abigail, but Raelle’s love for Scylla is intense and has significant influence over her emotions (and consequently actions, as she will do anything for Scylla). Moreover, I just feel like we haven’t gotten enough screen-time with The Unit showing them bond for me to believe Raelle would drop it or be truely torn at condemning Tally for what she kept from her. Clearly a lot of time has passed since episode 1, so it is possible the creators are just trusting us to assume The Unit is bonding off-screen, but I haven’t seen enough yet to convince me that Raelle wouldn’t choose Scylla over The Unit if it really came down to it based on her pre-existing negativity about the military and her devotion to Scylla. (I would love to be wrong! This just plays into a lot of coupling v. friends tropes).

[slasherscream]

Oh lord that last ask with the horror movie actress was so good, is it possible to ask for a continuation, if not thats all good. Also huge fan of your work!

A/N: thank you!! if it’s a continuation you want it’s a continuation you’ll get (glad you liked it enough to ask tbh cause it’s a fun one to write). here’s a link back to part one if you missed it.

     billy loomis x reader x stu macher ft. fem!reader who is a horror movie star …. part two

                                                     ——————– 

The very first thing Billy and Stu do once they leave school that day is go and do some research on you. How did they not know who you are? They know Randy wasn’t joking because of #1. your intense reaction and #2. they bullied him for a little more information.

Billy’s first assumption since he (the self-proclaimed master of the horror genre) doesn’t know anything about you is to assume you’re either a very shitty actress or been in really shitty movies. He’s mean so he’s leaning more towards you being a really shitty actress.

Stu’s kinda just excited to have met a “super hot babe” who is famous. Although the horror movie part of that is what double peaked his interest. 

They stop by the video store and Randy’s on shift. Sure enough there are a couple of your movies in stock and he obviously hands them over (even though he wanted to binge them all tonight… #Poor Randy).

They get their snacks and head to Stu’s house ready to be judgmental assholes of course. Billy’s probably already imagining killing you because one of the movie covers is super lame and if this is a total waste of his time someone is gonna pay for it. Stu is the type to watch crappy movies on purpose, however, so he’s fucking ready for anything.

They. Are. So. Fucking. Shocked.

Billy eat your fucking heart out. 

The first movie they pick is super shitty. It’s the very first one where you’re not a kid actually (yeah you’re a regular pro and have been in the game that long) but you        you’re a shining fucking star in it. Everything else about it is shit. The aesthetic. The score. The other actors. The villain. But you’re incredible. Its one saving grace.

If it had been anyone else’s debut movie it would’ve ended their career before it began. Instead it made you shine even brighter.

Every movie they watch after that gets better and better. You’re clearly now able to pick and choose your projects and you’re picking the cream of the fucking crop. 

In almost every movie you’re the final girl, the star of the show, and they absolutely think you deserve it. They’ve never been so into a movie marathon in their fucking lives. Excited screams. Cheering! Actually rooting for you and not whatever monster or deranged killer is after you. 

Then they get to the very last movie you made. It’s recent. Came out within the year, actually, and they both realize the reason they missed it coming out (and all its stellar reviews as it’s your most popular one yet) is because they’d just begun plotting the ghostface killings at the time. They were busy okay!

And yes they did have a small, totally pointless argument over whose fault it is that they missed out on all your fucking movies.

stu: how did you not see these, man? i thought you watched cult classics too!billy: shut the fuck up she’s baCK ON SCREEN - 

They lose their fucking minds when they read the summary for this movie. Because this time Hollywood’s favorite “fresh-blood sweetheart of horror” isn’t playing the helpless heroine. This time she’s the fucking killer. 

Stu physically screams out loud because he knows it’s about to go down and Billy is playing it cool even though “I’m the only other person here, Billy who the fuck are you pretending for?”

Stu won’t stop fucking hitting Billy’s shoulder like an excited teenage girl watching Twilight for the first time. You’re his fucking Edward Cullen and Jacob Black combined. He’s going to pass out if he gets any more excited and if Billy has a bruise on his arm he’s gonna “beat the shit out of you, Stu, swear to god-”

The look on your face during the movie sometimes when you’re covered in the blood of your victims from head-to-toe? Billy has fucking chills. He’s never been more in love or turned on in his life. He’s not ever gonna get scared by a horror movie at this point but if he was         yours would be the one to scare him. Holy fUCK he’s in love.

Every-time you get a brutal kill in Stu starts screaming, “That’s our girl! That’s our fucking girl!” He has already made up his mind on this subject, clearly.

There’s popcorn everywhere because Stu keeps spilling the bowl but Billy isn’t making him make anymore because neither of them are fucking eating at this point let’s get real. They’re fucking transfixed. 

When it’s all over           and that includes watching behind the scenes shit and the gag reels for every fucking movie           they turn to each other and they just start grinning.

Killing the horror movie actress that just moved to town? Ugh, that would be so predictable! Cliche, really! Do they look unoriginal to you? 

hONESTLY they and by that I mean Billy can’t even lie to themselves about why they’re not gonna kill or hurt you. This is love at first fucking scream, baby!

If there was a song playing during this fucking moment it’d be “One Way Or Another” because they’re definitely gonna fucking get ya’. 

The next day you walk into school and it’s a fucking circus. Someone heard Randy of course and now everyone wants to get close to the Hollywood Actress among them. You can see your dreams of a little normalcy slipping down the drain and even though everyone is being oooooh so nice to you (including people who before the reveal had been acting like you hadn’t existed or even been mean to you) you feel close to tears with frustration.

Then you’re yanked into an empty classroom by two sets of hands. You’re about to lose your fucking mind honestly and you turn around swinging your heavy ass math book without a second thought. You’re out for blood.

“Whoa! Put down the weapon of mass destruction, babe!” Stu, you recognize him and do stop swinging because you know these two are friends of Tatum and Sidney. 

As soon as you stop swinging the anger fades too and you’re left with nothing but that bitter feeling of disappointment. You start crying right then and there and it’s a special kind of humiliation. At least you can experience the shame of crying at school like a normal girl.

Both the boys are panicking although Billy is better at hiding it. He’s not even putting on a sympathetic face when he puts an arm around you, he’s actually very upset that you’re upset,  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing! It’s dumb! I’m dumb!” Your attempted brush off does not make them go away like you wanted.

In fact now Stu is pulling your hands away from your face and staring down at you like a kicked puppy. He doesn’t let go of your hands and you don’t pull them away. As much as he’s a stranger you don’t have many friends and you do actually want comfort, “You’re not dumb. Why are you crying? If you’re crying over something it can’t be dumb!”

“I’m gonna sound like such a spoiled brat.”

“Try us.” Goes Billy wearing the most intense stare he’s ever had in his life (and that’s saying something).

“It’s just that …. It’s just that I moved all the way out here to get away from all the bullshit! I just wanted to try being normal for awhile! Go to school! Have normal friends! Be a normal teen! And now because of one dumb kid that’s all gone down the drain!" 

More waterworks are happening even as Stu’s trying frantically to wipe them away while absolutely refusing to let go of your hands.

They both kinda wanna kill Randy now since he’s kinda the reason you’re crying. But if he hadn’t been such a spaz they wouldn’t know how fucking incredible you are so they kinda owe him at the moment. The dork lives to see another day, they guess.

What’s really important to them right now is you, and making you feel better as soon as possible. You’re really breaking their hearts here. 

"Why don’t we get out of here?” Billy suggests smoothly, never one to waste time or a good opportunity. 

“What?” The tears come to a slow and it’s only now you start taking note of just how much these two strange boys are touching you. Billy is behind you, one arm around your waist and the other wrapped around your shoulders. Stu is leaning all the way over you both like some sort of benevolent, concerned giant with his hands still holding onto yours tightly. 

“Why don’t we get out of here! Great idea, Billy!” Stu crows with excitement. 

“Oh I see — lemme guess, the two of you want to spend some ’alone time’ with the big shot Hollywood actress, huh?” Your tone is harsh enough that it’d make weaker men cower. Billy and Stu are the type to rise to a challenge. 

“More like you seem to be good friends of Sidney and Tatum      ” Billy starts,

“      and any friend of theirs is a friend of ours!” Stu finishes, “They’d kill us if they knew we let you run around school crying your pretty, little eyes out.”

“It’s really not because I’m famous     ?” Your voice is so small and insecure it makes them frown. 

“What’s your name again? I forgot it.” Billy jokes and it actually startles a snort out of you even as you slide your way out of their arms.

You take a breath and wipe your face, hoping to make yourself a little bit presentable at least. Finally you turn to them and nod, “You know what? Yeah      yeah then, let’s get the hell out of here.”

You don’t have to tell them twice. They each grab a hand and practically drag you out of the building, you go along easily, laughing your head off all the way. Just the fact that he’s hearing your laughter without it being filtered through a television screen is enough to make Stu laugh too. Billy’s joy is more reserved but the smile on his face is undeniable and much softer than usual. 

This is gonna be the start of something beautiful. They’ll make sure of it.

                                                     ——————–

[inkedmyths]

Long walks call for long talks. And this is a very long walk.

Woohoo, actually getting stuff done! Have more Feral! And, oh, what's this? Myth actually put some serious stuff in there?? What???

I mean it isn't a lot but it's there. Just a hint, just a start.

-

---

-

"So..." Feral began, and Twilight mentally prepared himself for whatever he was about to say. "Hero of Twilight, huh?"

That wasn't what he was expecting. "Uh... yeah?"

"Why 'twilight'? I mean, if you look around you can kind of guess as to why Wild's title is what it is, but how is one a hero of a specific time of day?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated." Very complicated, actually, but seeing as they likely had plenty of time to talk... "See, with my journey, the word 'twilight' represented... a lot."

"How so?" Wild asked. He eyes were focused on the Master Sword as he guided them forward, but his ears were pricked up, intently listening.

He had to think over this. While he hadn't been very closed off about sharing about his adventures, talking about the 'Twilight' specifically was something he'd avoided. Too many memories. Too much of her. Still, they were asking a sensible question. "Well, the most obvious to the majority of people is that in my time, Hyrule was in a sort of state of perpetual twilight for a time."

"Huh," Wild said. "That makes more sense than I thought it would."

"Yeah, it's pretty straightforward when you look at it that way."

"Hang on," Feral said. "You said that was the most obvious. What else is there?"

"Well..." Twilight swallowed. "The 'perpetual twilight' thing is more complicated than it sounds. It wasn't really being a permanent time of day for a while. In reality, it was caused by twilight magic."

"Twilight... magic." Feral looked skeptical. He was good at that raised eyebrow look.

"It hails from a parallel world known as the Twilight Realm, populated by a tribe known as the Twili. So, yeah, the word 'twilight' represents a lot of things." He shrugged, hoping his discomfort wasn't visible. Some of memories still pained him. Actually, a lot of them did.

"Wow. They should have gotten more creative with the naming. I mean, sure, the Twili live in the Twilight Realm, makes sense, but isn't saying twilight magic caused an era of twilight a bit too redundant? I mean, the word is already starting to sound foreign I've said it so much."

"It makes sense though. Easy to remember stuff," Wild pointed out.

"Sure, but it's super unoriginal."

"You value originality so much?" Twilight asked. Feral had made several comments on the matter since meeting him, so he was somewhat curious to his reasoning.

"Of course! Makes life more interesting. Like, sure, you can always take out a bokoblin the classic way by stabbing it with a sword, but it's way more entertaining to hit it with an arrow just right so it knocks into a bees' nest and then runs and drowns in a river an attempt to get away. You get what I mean?"

"That's... oddly specific."

"Oh, I remember that! Wasn't that one of those bets you make with passerby?"

"Yup. Got an extra 50 rupees from that."

At this point, Twilight wasn't completely surprised. It was all to fitting that Feral would do ridiculous things on some kind of bet or dare. Maybe that's how they earn a living. Although he had to wonder at exactly what angle you needed shoot a bokoblin in order to get it to hit a bees' nest. What sort of archery were these two doing? Come to think of it, there was still a lot about these two that remained a mystery to him. "Alright then, your turn Wild. What all is there to that title?"

Wild hummed in thought. "It's kind of weird, in a lot of ways. I mean, looking around, it seems like a straightforward title. This," he gestured with his free hand to the surrounding forests, "is what most of my Hyrule looks like."

Twilight thought about this as his eyes flicked across their surroundings. That statement unsettled him, though he couldn't quite place why. "You mean as in forests and the like?" He knew that couldn't just be it, but he wasn't sure what else there was.

"No. I mean, yeah there's forests, lots of forests, but that's not what I mean." Wild's ears twitched, and Twilight caught a hint of frustration in his voice. "What I mean is- it's like-" His hand opened and closed as though trying to grasp at the right words.

Feral stepped in at that point. "What Wild is trying to say isn't about how many trees there are. How long have you been here?"

An odd question. "Several days at this point. Why?"

"How many people have you seen?"

The question startled him, and the realization that came with it nearly knocked the wind out of him. "Other than those that were with me, only you two."

"Bingo. That's what Wild's saying: most of this Hyrule is empty wilderness, populated only by wild animals and monsters."

Twilight blinked. "But there are people, right."

"Well, yeah," Wild said, speaking up again. "There's several villages and settlements here and there, like Kakariko Village and the Zora Domain. Stables are set up periodically along the road too."

"Yeah, but..." Twilight couldn't believe he hadn't noticed their apparent solitude until Feral had pointed it out to him. "We've been walking for a while and have seen no trace of any people at all."

"Part of that is that we aren't on the roads. Most other people traveling use them, out of safety and convenience."

"Still, normally there would have been something..."

"Normally for you, maybe. I meant it when I said this place is empty. The nearest settlement is, what, a day's journey?" Feral looked to Wild.

"Two, if we went in that direction." Wild pointed somewhere to his right. "Going the way we are, more like three days. That's to a stable, though. Nearest actual village is more like a week's worth of walking."

"And that's assuming you keep up a good pace and stop as little as possible."

Twilight was shocked. This time was really that open and unpopulated? Sure, it had been awhile since he had seen an actual town or anything, but a lot of that had been a combination of world switches and some level of actively avoiding too many normal people. But to be able to go so long without even seeing hints of any kind of civilization... well, he was glad they had a map. "Wow. Hero of the Wild it is."

Wild was unsettlingly quiet for a moment. "Yeah," he said eventually. "I guess it sort of fits. It's just... nevermind."

That bothered Twilight. It bothered him a lot. The sudden somberness in him was... well, it was offputting. Goddesses only knew what he was thinking about. Then again, he was a hero. If Twilight had learned anything from meeting the others, it was that no matter what, each one faced their own forms of trials and suffering. He himself had seen and experienced so much heartache in his journey. Judging from the scars he could see lining his face, there was no doubt Wild had experienced his fair share of pain in his travels. It's possible that the conversation had somehow brought up bad memories. That kind of thing just came with the territory of the calling, he supposed.

He decided it would be best to change the subject for the time being. "Do you often go off road when traveling."

"Huh?" Wild seemed to be snapped out of whatever thoughts he had. "Oh, uh, yeah. It's sometimes faster to just head directly to someplace rather than take the road. Besides, I can gather food and stuff on the way."

"It's more dangerous though, right?"

"Well, yeah, but it's not too bad. Besides, the road isn't completely safe either."

Twilight knew that roadways weren't always safer than just trekking off through the underbrush, but he wanted to keep the conversation going. "How so?"

"Well, sometimes monsters camp along the sides of the road waiting to ambush passerby. That, and sometimes the passerby themselves... aren't exactly friendly."

Now that was new to him. "Oh?"

"Ah, yes." Feral nodded sagely. "The banana fuckers."

"The what."

"Banana fuckers."

"They aren't banana fuckers, Feral."

"Link, we've talked about this. You cannot tell me that some of them don't shove bananas up their ass. I'm nearly positive Kohga did it as some kind of ritual."

"You have no evidence that he did."

"You have no evidence that he didn't!"

Twilight rubbed his chin, now somewhat regretting changing topics. "I'm afraid to ask, but what in the name of Hylia are you two talking about?"

"The Yiga Clan." Wild said. "They're basically a tribe of Sheikah that went bad and seek to kill the 'legendary hero'. Also they have a weird obsession with bananas."

"Yeah. Banana fuckers."

Alright. Evil Sheikah that were into bananas. The more he learned about his Hyrule, the more he felt he understood Wild's unorthodox way of looking at things, and the more he was fairly sure his perception of weird was changing. Although he now had a new appreciation that they weren't taking the roads. He'd rather deal with bokoblins than an actual person trying to stab him.