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absolutebl · 24 days ago

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This Week in BL - Actually a pretty fab line up right now

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

NOV 2024 Week 5

Ongoing Series - Thai

Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 11 of 15 - This is where the teen awkward comes to grab me by the throat. No other Thai BL does this better than Love Sick (except maybe Make it Right). And it’s always a challenge to watch because Phun is so ready to come out and Noh is so not. I love what cramming 3 eps into one (and better side BL couples) did for the tension and pacing in this particular part of this story. The new version really is excellent. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here.

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - They are so awkward and I love them so much for it. They are terrible at faking romance, yet Fah want’s Rak so bad. This is moving so slowly but that’s part of it’s charm. I'm not frustrated instead I’m getting Oxygen vibes from it. Or perhaps it’s is more just I feel the way I felt when I was first watching Oxygen. Which is to say, I’m totally addicted and I keep re-watching new episodes.

Spare Me Your Mercy (Thurs iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - Gah! JJ grew up so pretty. I love these leads. (No one is shocked.) I love the lawful good paired against (we’re not sure yet but possibly) neutral evil. I love our very sus very flirty very gay doctor. A lot happened in this first episode. I’m getting Manner of Death flashbacks but there’s nothing wrong with that. Bring on the chili.

Incidentally, if you're interested in true crime, here's the IRL version of this story. How a Nuclear Lab Helped Catch a Serial Killer from the Science Vs podcast.

Jack & Joker (Mon IQIYI) ep 10-12 end - I got the go ahead on a safe ending, and thus I watched the last 3 eps all as one. I love how defiantly verse these two were. I also really enjoyed the final episode. I do like a finale that ends on a bang (yes, both kinds).

Final thoughts

I enjoyed this show a lot. A caper BL starring two of Thailand's best and focusing on class struggles, corruption, and poverty, was always gonna appeal to me. But I’m not sure, ultimately, whether I liked it because it was good in it’s own right, or because YinWar were so good in it. I do wish it had been a little more Leverage and little less chaos, Dr Evils, and "watch War cry." It was a great vehicle for YinWar, and for them to prove that BL can defy its own tropes. To that end, this goes comfortably into the Manner of Death category more than anything else I’ve encountered befor (although slightly less unhinged). It's good, but it loses the plot, the side couples, and it's own mind a couple of times, and YinWar were definitely greater than the sum of its parts. Thus I feel an 8/10 is fair, especially considering I'm unlikely to rewatch.

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - Dunk is illegally pretty in this show. I gotta say I covet his skin care routine. (I love YinWar as much as the next person, but THIS boy should be the spokes-BL-rep for Laneige.)

Manwhile..... FirstKhao might be GMMTV’s best flirters. It’s a pleasure to watch them just inhabit these characters and bounce off each other. I do keep saying “what tf are they doing?!“ with this show. In this instance, it was the dancing in the bowling alley. What is going on? is it meant to be a Pulp Fiction reference?

Also this gd soundtrack is bonkers. I *can’t!* with the 70s orgy porn music and the very bad not quite metal intro music. And then, I remember, brain must be turned off! (That’s really hard for me OK?)

All that said, both the sauna and the jerk-off scenes were much appreciated. It’s nice to see this kind of visceral physical attraction depicted in a BL, we get it so rarely.

On a side note, I entirely support Thailand’s one country agenda to put all the cute boys in crop tops. Keep it up. And up. And up.

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 9 of 16 - I just don’t get the (new) main couple. They don’t work for me. I like the surprise gamer boys side crumbs though. They are v cute.

Side quest: Genius move anytime Hill comes on screen to basically have Pond make love to the camera. He v good at it. Break down everyone’s fourth wall, baby. Take no prisoners.

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - That exchange! “Are you worried about me” (attempted flirtation) vrs Junior’s response “yes I am.” Just utter frankness. It’s very sweet. All in all this show is very sweet. Somewhat incomprehensible world building, but sweet. And the head lift into the lap was next level adorable. Sun’s shy smile is everything.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 5 of 24 - This show is very silly. I love the sides so much I can’t EVEN. But I think it was a big mistake putting Tay into this show. Never let an OG out of the bottle like that. He gets all our attention because we think he’s gonna grant all our wishes. By which I mean, all I could think the whole time he was on screen was WHY IS HE SO FINE?

I’m not joking, I had to watch his scenes 3x because I kept getting distracted and losing the plot. Not that there is much plot to lose. Just Tay’s mouth. I’ll stop now, but seriously tho LOOK AT HIM!!!

Every You Every Me (Mon Gaga) ep 8 end - Honestly I’d like to see this pair handed something much more meaty. Like a Japanese adaptation? Tokyo in April is… for example. I think they do a great job with something like that.

Conclusion

This was supposed to be a linked series about reincarnated soulmates, but ended up being more like a Y-Destiny grab bag BL with no rebirth through line, just the same acting pair. The leads were excellent. And I must praise this show for representing things I always want in my BL (and rarely get), switch, verse, communication, and safe sex. It’s just that this format with the same actors but no unifying theme (despite the pitch/packaging) made for a disappointing viewing experience. Some of the installments I enjoyed, and the visuals are on point, but I was ultimately let down by style and execution, if not acting. 6/10

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 4 of 11 - “I won’t fall in love with you” is an easy promise to make if you’ve already fallen. I love this show SO MUCH. “Infect me just a little.” Holy fuck. This BOY. Also, so much for “not kissing.” This BL is fantastic. I’m so worried about where it’s going. Japan could very much hurt me with this. I didn’t expect to fall in love so hard.

Man, JBL...... when it gets you it really gets you (then it locks you in a basement and gets kinky). We are not safe but we must sit back and suffer enjoy it. I hate this. I love this. What a rush.

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 7 of 13 - I think this show has a “crash into me” trope in every single ep. This ep alone had 3, plus a flash back to the first one. Still, their damn date was so flipping adorbs!!!

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 10 of ? - I couldn’t be less interested in the stuff with the mean girls. I’m annoyed we spent so much of this episode on them. Fewer bullies more smooches.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Arashi as the doting bf was cute if sudden, also holy musical montage BLman. Kai is my favorite character (as was Sky) but I'm still not wild about the blackmail sex start to this relationship. It does seem a little bit more like Kai went after a one night stand, also bit more switchy, which is better...... I guess. But not by much because the chemistry with these two isn't as good as the original.

I remain suspicious.

It's airing but......

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues ????) 11 of 12 eps - My source hasn’t yet uploaded 11. So…… I wait.

Secret Love (? YT?) 13-?? of 81 eps - I don't know what's going on either.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun Viki) paused at eps 9-10 of 12 - I got the "stop" on this one as it's gone (no surprise) dark. Being China can not be relied upon to HEA. So I'm on pause until I'm told it's safe. If it ends sad/bad I will dnf. But for now I wait......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai Weds YT) ?? eps - Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, initially unsubbed, then subs happened by which time I got distracted. The first episode seems to be only six minutes long. It is very pulp. But it is intriguing. For now its to the wayside until someone tells me what it whats to be and if it's headed in a safe direction. Occasionally Thai pulps want to be edgy and it's not a good look on them.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I'm weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show made it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment. Ends tomorrow.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YT) 10 eps - This is a little too low production value even for me + just very very odd. DNF

In Case You Missed it - GMMTV 2025 Line Up

There have been a ton of hot takes already, including mine.

Here are the titles and links to MDL for you (confirmed full BLs only), these are organized in order of the ones I'm anticipating the most at the top.

Dare You to Death - trailer

Boys in Love - trailer

Memoir of Rati - trailer

My Magic Prophecy - trailer

Me and Thee - trailer

A Dog and A Plane - trailer

Cat for Cash - trailer

That Summer - trailer

My Romance Scammer - trailer

Head 2 Head - trailer

Ticket To Heaven - trailer

Burnout Syndrome - trailer

Melody of Secrets - trailer

Only Friends Dream On - trailer

Love You Teacher - trailer

Next Week Looks Like This:

End of year drops:

12/4 0.5D (Japan ????) 10 eps - Sales ace, Sada, has a secret that only his junior, Daiki, knows. He has pretended to have a gf for years, resulting in him being a virgin. But now Sada has fallen in love. Confused, Sada seeks advice from his junior. I sense another queer Cyrano De Bergerac. Info here.

12/6 Be Moon - Falling for my enemy's son (China ????) movie from HBD Studio - Not much on this one just a trailer, looks intriguing...... if it's from/through Taiwan, but if it's all China, I'm wary.

12/13 ThamePo Heart that Skips a Beat (Fri YT) 12eps - A boy band member and his documentarian start a forbidden relationship. I LOVE Est and am delighted to see him at GMMTV. This was my #1 pick for 2024. I've been waiting for a Blinding Lights style idol romance and this looks like it might be it (Korea and Japan have systemically disappointed me). Bring it, boys.

12/14 & 12/21 The Renovation (Thai mini One31) 2 eps - Writer turns his blossoming romance with holiday resort owner into a novel.

12/29 Sangmin Dinneaw (Thai ????) ??eps - trailer Childhood friends (Thai & Korean) reunite after being apart for ten years. As the boys reconnect, their bond matures and feelings of romance begin to develop, in Thai.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

His smile. (Caged Again)

Look at them!

Look, I don't mean to tell you your business, but THIS? This is peak Thai BL. This is it. This is What They Do Best. Sure they dabble with silly kinky crimey-whiney fashizzal, but Thailand's true BL power is right here, in the sweet awkward school-set first love arghhhhh. Yes I said, school. Bite me. (Love Sick... damn it, 10 years later and it still has me in a choke hold.)

Hey all you idiots who thought (or think) there is ever a green flag in any Mame ever, this character if for you. This boy, THIS ONE. This is what a walking talking ACTING green flag energy actually looks like. You wanna date a dude? Find you one like him. Okay, peaches? sheesh

Meanwhile, this, this is not a green flag. This is GMMTV thinking they are being clever by calling out Thai BLs' worst behavior to make a character who has 'slightly less than worst behavior' look better. Sigh. When meta is used for ill gotten gains.

This, on the other hand is meta being cleverly deployed.

And this is language play. P'ABL's favorite.

So endeth this lesson.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

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fluffer5 · 2 years ago

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How Protective Terrans Are

So... I might've dropped a few trauma bomb in my previous entries... but we won't further open those particular can of worms *smiles brightly while throwing the proverbial can at the traum-- ehem, garbage disposal*.

Anyways, this is my 5th entry to Humans Are Space Orcs! For today's human documentary, we're going to talk about what adult Terrans can and will do to you if you touch their young, family, close friends, pets, or special mementos given to them by a special someone (which doesn't have to be from a dead anybody or a romantic somebody). We all know people wouldn't hesitate to throw hands just to keep their people or stuff safe.

So, let's refer to my list, cuz it's easier to do lol. Again, I've used movies, series, podcasts, and a writer's angst-filled mind to type this. Should I warn the rest of you for further reading? I guess I should (I was so used to reading things without the warning that I'm sometimes confused of the TW tag on some stuff lol).

TW: Gore, violence, theoretical bodily harm even though I censored most of it, death, stabby people, bullying, the insanity train.

Kill the threat. Bit of an extreme one for the first thing to pop in my head, yes? But it is true. Wars were waged for lesser things. See this news article for one example: "Mom fatally shot home intruder to defend kids, she says". This one was published on August 18, 2022. In 2012, cuz I'm too lazy to search recent ones, there's another news articles featuring the same thing but focuses on a mother shooting an intruder to protect her 3-month-old baby. In 2015, an 11-year-old boy also shot an intruder trying to defend his 4-year-old sister from possible harm. I could go on and on about this but in countries where guns are not accessible, the next possible thing to use in defense would've been something sturdy and blunt or something extremely sharp. Actually, if we were in a time wherein tribes or kingdoms exist instead of cities, I can surely say that killing their young would definitely put you and your family in said people's sh*t list.

Fight the threat. Whether is be physically punching them on the face of the place where the sun doesn't shine, nobody cares as long as the deed of letting them know their place is done. Exhibit A that a lot of us know would be bullies ganging up on a younger sibling in school. We know that younger sibling are the proverbial pain in the *ss of older siblings. It's a love-hate relationship between them. But it's also an unsaid rule that only the older siblings can threaten or push around younger siblings. Anyone else touching them aside from the close family ties should be prepared to taste someone's fist. Or feet. Or the pavement. You get the gist of it. Though as long as the child in question can take care of the bullying on their own (which I did in my experience) then the parents or older sibling would gladly back off until the time they notice that things are going too far. Though, sadly, some kids prefer not to talk about their problems which leads to behavioral issues in the future, sorta trying to get attention from their elders but in a negative way.

Threaten the threat. I see this as the tamer version of protection actually lol. I don't know about other countries but in my country, the smart kids in school can threaten your life as a student. We have the usual bling-bling kids with the money and huzzah but they don't last long in the face of being a social pariah at school. They can throw money all they want but the smart kids wouldn't be threatened at all cuz they hold the key to higher GPA. Even the teachers complain about them nerds but action speaks loud and their compilation of evidence speaks louder lol. You'd be lucky if the nerd assigned to you has the patience of a saint cuz if not... well, I've had to stop fights from breaking out from simple arguments. Not just in school though. If you've got connection in higher places then that could also be a way to threaten someone (it does happen in real life so it isn't far-fetched). Though it is more effective to threaten the threat if you're in the same place as them. Another thing would be holding blackmail on said person (though that only works if they're not an immediate threat). If you have enough social influence, well, you can destroy their entire life without touching them even once.

Torture the threat. A friend says I'm too kind for ending their lives easily. Well, watching too many action and horror films prepared me for this part lol. I don't know which one would be done but interrogators have done the worst to get information from their victim. Too gory for this though and I don't know how many kids or emotional teens are in here so I have to censor a ton of the juicy details. Let's say it would be a bit similar to Saw, Jigsaw, and war interrogations. Chemicals, acids, peeled skin, salt, knives, and hammers might also be in place. Just know that it would be a bloody, unforgiving event that would take place in that particular room with that unfortunate victim.

Play the long game. Another said killing them quickly was... well... too quick XD. This one centers heavily on having money and patience. Know who the threat is, where they live, who they interact with, and what makes them tick. For this to work, you need to give up who you were before and settle on anonymity. This is... a bit more drastic than torture but works well if you have too much hate in your chest or the deed done was something you can never forgive. It's more on watching them physically suffer with their injury or doing the threatening on their family (gets messy very fast), but since this threat had amassed A LOT of enemies, they won't exactly know who did the evil deed on them. Shoot them on their legs, feet, and shoulder. Their spine if you're a good shot and know where to hit. Places that aren't close to their vital organs but would render them disabled. You'll let them live, but it will be a life of pain and agony.

Talk to the threat. The most peaceful type and probably the most boring out of this chaotic list > v <. This should be the first thing we do and not escalate to violence if some of us can help it. Again, your patience and wit will be tested here. If your threat is minor (like another child), then talking to their guardian would help with keeping the problem from going through a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes that doesn't work and the problem turns into an adult fight.

In summary, you have 2 kinds of Terrans. One would shoot before asking; the other would talk before shooting. Which is why you should never step on this particular deathworld if you were thinking about making Terran slaves or using our young in experimentation. We haven't given chase on aliens yet. Don't make yourselves the first intergalactic specie the Terrans would obliterate.

Meanwhile in a fast approaching spacecraft...

This alien reading this How To Deal With Terrans manual : Why did we want to go to this deathworld again?

Another alien turning yellow from anxiety : To befriend them and learn about the resident Terrans?

Yet another alien wilting as they feel faint from the information : Oh, thank the stars we won't be terrorizing them.

The alien commander whose frills are flaring in alarm as they read through the unredacted version of the manual : They will torture and skin us for taking their young and their pets?!

This particular scientist whose skins are changing colors in excitement : See? I told you their famous quote of "If predator not friend, why friend shape?" also applies to them!

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batsplat · 6 months ago

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after 2015 until 2018 it seemed that things had calmed down a bit between valentino and marc, in the sense that they had started to be polite between them again and valentino no longer seemed to be on a war footing. then after argentina obviously the situation worsened again. in the podcast where valentino spoke in 2021 if I'm not mistaken, when he talks about marc,however, he only refers to the events of sepang and not to what happened in argentina which instead seemed to have been the final “divorce”. so my question is, during 2016 and 2017 did valentino just pretend to put up with marc? because in that podcast you can feel valentino's resentment is still a lot even after many years, so I imagine it must have been even greater in the two years immediately following sepang, even if it didn't seem if you see how he behaved

well. look. it was reflected in how valentino behaved... I think sometimes if you see isolated photos and gifsets, you can maybe be left with a bit of a mistaken impression of what that dynamic actually looked like for those two years. they got to a point post-catalunya where they were civil to each other, and maybe they'd exchange two lines in greeting, at podium celebrations, when somebody in a presser made a joke... and maybe marc at the very least was sincerely hoping they could get back to something like what they had before 2015. in reality, though, it was still very very far away. it wasn't open hostilities... at some point in 2016, valentino realised he simply couldn't go on like this. I talked about it a bit here:

you get this discrepancy in his 2016 output, actually. if you compare what he's saying that autumn for written press interviews vs what he's saying with marc right next to him... he'd clearly decided there was zero point in directly fanning the flames. at the sepang 2016 presser when marc and him are quizzed on what had happened the previous year, he just goes with marc's response and decides against reopening the controversy by adding anything from his side. but he still made it clear he hadn't changed his mind in interviews from the exact same time period! at times, he tolerates marc's tentative advances - at other times, he's almost accidentally sucked in, like he can't quite help himself from laughing at something marc has said. but there was never a period where he forgave marc for what he'd done... for various reasons he just decided he wasn't going to harp on about it too much. he did basically say as much post-argentina 2018:

but yeah, argentina 2018. it's an interesting one, isn't it? the stuff that valentino says there doesn't actually feel... quite in line with anything else he's said about marc. typically, when valentino criticises marc, it really is all about sepang 2015 - it's very focused, very specific, he's talking about being unable to forgive marc on a personal level for something marc had done to valentino... but it's not like he's really coming at marc for anything else... when other riders have gotten into spats with marc, he's stayed out of it - and generally he remains pretty neutral when he talks about everything else concerning marc. so, for example, there's a world where the moment alex rins is saying marc doesn't respect other riders in 2019, valentino immediately jumps at the opportunity to offer his hot take... but he doesn't do that. and yes, he had criticised marc's riding before, in particular in marc's moto2 days, but obviously those criticisms were considerably more restrained and sounded at times quite worried for marc's sake. (he also got close to that in silverstone 2016 when he remarked marc had 'something special' for their battles, but a) he's not wrong, except insofar as it's clearly mutual, and b) he explicitly said he didn't have a problem with that fight and considered it hard but fair). in 2017, when valentino was criticising other riders for being too aggressive... well, he wasn't doing so with marc, and he even conceded the point to marc in subsequent races after marc had obliquely criticised valentino at cota for his rhetoric not matching up to his own riding. when valentino's young riders have gotten into their own spats with marc, he's not waded in either, at most saying stuff about marc's fight with pecco that from his lips sounds almost like something akin to praise. radio silence after bez's run in with marc at the end of last year... argentina 2018 is the exception not the rule

and you know... at the end of the day, that was an emotional reaction. valentino might be wearing the habitual smile on his face during the media debrief and sound reasonably calm and composed, but he was furious. which, it's always worth remembering, isn't an entirely unreasonable reaction to that specific situation. yes, valentino doesn't have a clean track record either, but you're going to struggle to find such a... weaponised carelessness, a blatant disinterest in his fellow riders while shoving them aside, in the way marc was exhibiting that day - and indeed that whole weekend. looking back, of course argentina 2018 ended up being an isolated blot on marc's track record that he's not come close to repeating since (yes, he's made high profile errors that took out other riders, but it's different)... but we didn't know that at the time. also, I doubt valentino much appreciated being treated just like an obstacle in marc's path! the fact that valentino wasn't the only marc victim that weekend kind of has an interesting effect, because you have to doubt whether it would have helped if valentino felt like he was being targeted specifically by marc, but on the other hand... well, it's almost disrespectful, isn't it... being singled out is in a way still better than being brushed aside like any other rider

still, valentino's pushing it with his criticisms, he's out of line, and he clearly did lash out in the heat of the moment - which was of course largely a product of the resentment he'd been holding onto those past two years. calling marc's behaviour that day dangerous? sure, you'd find a lot of agreement for that. saying that marc was ruining the sport? that he was intentionally causing other riders to crash? ... well, hold on one moment. I reckon the simplest explanation is the best one here: valentino was angry and said stuff he wouldn't otherwise say, which we know because he's not done so before or since. of course, he was never going to retract what he said about marc that day - he wasn't ever going to apologise for it. not with their history, not when there was still just enough about those argentina comments that he meant... so he wasn't going to feel too much regret about the bits he wouldn't have said under any other circumstance. the problem post-2015 for valentino is that constantly signalling his fury to the world wasn't doing him much good... but pretending like everything was just fine clearly also took a bit of a toll. argentina 2018 wiped the slate clean - even though they gradually crept back towards basic civility after that. and valentino really didn't continue with that line of critique... since then he's basically completely reverted back to a sepang 2015-centric approach. maybe a few hints at it... in 2021, he said something along the lines of how he doesn't feel good when he's on-track with marc, but that's pretty generic while also crucially being personal - he's not saying marc is a problem for the series, he's saying it's them specifically that have an issue with each other

which doesn't mean he didn't believe what he said in argentina 2018 in the moment... when they reconvened in cota and had marc and valentino do separate media debriefs from the main presser, valentino said he stood by his comments - but also didn't actually repeat them or elaborate on them or anything. he's back to terse short responses to the press' questions, saying he wants to focus on the race ahead: kind of the go-to approach when it comes to marc post-sepang (with notable exceptions). he's walked his strongest comments back as much as he was probably ever going to - by simple virtue of the fact that he's left it at that. and you know, he's a complicated guy... 2016-17 was both pretending and it also wasn't. he didn't act like everything was forgotten, but he certainly was willing to let people believe that this relationship might end up being mended - which quite frankly was probably never going to happen. mostly, he was just sort of sick of the whole thing, struggling to enjoy himself in what had become such a charged, hostile environment for all the riders involved. at the same time, look - fundamentally, the interpersonal chemistry with marc was always fine. they click as people! they click as riders! marc makes valentino laugh! sometimes, that line between 'pretending' and 'letting yourself pretend' and 'actually not pretending at all' can be quite thin. when valentino talks in that time period about how much he enjoyed a battle with marc, of course he isn't lying - because he really does enjoy those fights! that's what racing is all about for him, and that's something him and marc still share! as long as marc isn't barging him aside and causing him to crash, that is. maybe it'd be easier if it were all a pretence, but it wasn't... sometimes, when you say you thought a race was hard and fair, you really do mean it and you really did have a lot of fun. sometimes, the struggle isn't actually acting nice for the cameras, it's trying to bite down the temptation to laugh alongside your sworn enemy

see also assen 2016... like, isn't this kinda wild? you've just had catalunya the race before, you've just had the mere semblance of a tentative start to a possible reconciliation - then they return to the place that was really the beginning of the end for them. they go on a few track familiarisation laps, including to check out the resurfaced final chicane (aka the scene of the crime). they race each other on said track familiarisation laps. then marc brings it up in the presser, giggling about the whole thing, and apparently valentino also finds it pretty funny - before he visibly swallows up his grin. later that weekend, marc pointedly decides to try out valentino's final chicane move himself during the warm up session. this is all obviously deranged, but it's a type of deranged where they are fundamentally on the same wavelength. it's the kind of ridiculous behaviour they're both incredibly fond of... you see it in how valentino shrugs off the towing at catalunya 2019, and thinks it speaks to marc's smarts and wiliness - unsurprising, really, because they're so similar in that regard, and valentino has never shaken his admiration for marc as a competitor

valentino can clamp down on his animosity towards a rival during his direct interactions with them... lord knows if you watch a few of the casey and valentino face-to-face interactions over the years, you really wouldn't match that up with the sheer vitriol of some of the stuff they were concurrently saying about each other in the press. that rivalry was never really personal (on valentino's end), it was never fraught in the same way (for valentino anyway) - still, it shows he's theoretically capable of separating this stuff out when he needs to... and he just about managed with marc for two years. if he had just been waiting for an excuse, surely you would have heard at least a hint of that when him and marc swapped paint in 2017. you never quite knew how he was going to answer the inevitable questions about marc's riding, but no direct criticism was forthcoming at any stage. the post-argentina 2018 rhetoric wasn't in any way premeditated from valentino's side, and personally I don't think he was just waiting for an excuse either. it was the result of a constant internal conflict between knowing that engaging in any more active beef with marc wouldn't do anyone any good, and the fact that he still hadn't forgiven marc... and then a race came along that simply pissed him off enough to push him over the edge

from 2016 onwards, valentino both very much wanted and very much did not want further conflict with marc, and neither of those impulses ever quite go away. usually, he's disciplined enough to avoid stoking the flames any further... potshots to the press outside of the paddock are essentially a free and harmless outlet in that regard, and even there you can tell he was trying to scale it back in the years where he was being forced to directly interact with marc. he was pretending and not pretending and sometimes pretending like he wasn't pretending and sometimes pretending like he was pretending. maybe it would have always just taken one major on-track confrontation for things to fall apart between them again... but you do kinda have to acknowledge the whole thing was really unfortunate. I've long thought that something like sepang 2015 was pretty inevitable as long as valentino managed to put himself in title contention once marc had joined the premier class, but I don't actually feel the same way about argentina 2018. an awful marriage of circumstance and coincidence and bad choices caused the relationship to fall apart again this badly. valentino might have had some more or less sincere misgivings about marc's riding, but at the end of the day he wasn't going to ever express them unless it got personal - because all of these people are incredibly self-centred and valentino wouldn't have felt like it was worth it. he lost his temper, he said some stuff he might partly but not fully believe, he's not inclined to bring it up again. that's that

#podcast was 2023 and also it's different now that he's retired. tucked the resentment away when he actually interacted with marc #//#brr brr #batsplat responds #idol tag #u can kinda argue that both big valentino attacks on marc show the dangers of bottling things up...#like deadass if you'd just had normal amounts of drama before those incidents it wouldn't have been SO bad #just do a friendship break up with him after assen 2015 and everything after that is way more sane and normal #if you criticise him a bunch during 2017 for being a dick on track sure it sparks a lot of discourse but it makes arg '18 less horrendous #kinda just eats away gradually at him and then suddenly it boils over #goes both ways of course... marc's response to that misano 2019 quali incident did take me aback. very funny though #one of his most valentino-esque weekends in the sport start to finish. absolute cinema love that dickhead

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raayllum · 1 year ago

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Updated Pinned Post

ABOUT ME: I go by Dragons or Raay. I've been in the fandom since July 2018 (yes, that is two months before the show actually premiered). I loves foils, parallels, and looking far too deeply into everything. I'm also publishing a YA SFF book! I use they/them pronouns and love aspec rayllum with my whole heart. other popular headcanons are autistic!ezran and trans!janai. i'm not an anti & tag everything meticulously to both find things and make them easy to blacklist. I look like this, always:

STUFF I MAKE: meta directory / analysis tag / my fic / my playlists / my edits / thanks for asking / predictions

salt tags (for blacklisting & minimally used): dragons gets salty / fandom nonsense

trigger warnings (tagged on request, always in reference to fictional characters): tw pregnancy / tw body horror / tw blood / tw suicidal ideation

blog housekeeping: tags masterpost / dragons rambles / foil tags / in regards to (discussions of race / racism) / fandom history / no discourse or harassment / please don't send me negativity about the show and/or cast and crew

Other Places To Find Me (TDP / fandom centric)

Youtube (AMVs): wordswithdragons

AO3 (90+ TDP fics): wordswithdragons

Podcast (50+ episodes)

Twitter (no, I don't know why Aaron Ehasz follows me either): wordswdragons

Bluesky: wordswithdragons

Patreon (lowest tier is $2 USD a month; free patreons are also very welcome)

Greatest Hits (aka the things I've made that I think are the coolest):

1k / 2k / 4k notes

Rayllum AMV to a banger of a song

Personal faves

My "Viren adopts/raises Rayla" AU

Predictions achieved

Callum&Viren foils tag

Cube Hostage Exchange Theory

To Make It Right :: How Rayllum Intersects A Meta (s1-s2)

Egyptian Mythos, the Ankh, and Aaravos’ Fallen Star (S1-S4)

(if time is money then) i’ll spend it all for you: Set four years post-S3, Runaan and Rayla’s parents are de-coined. Now it’s time to adjust to how the world and their daughter has changed, including her relationship with one particular human. 146k, COMPLETE

twice as many stars: or Sir Sparklepuff's existence is an existential horror story, the fic. 8.7k, ONESHOT

Sideblog for a queer fantasy WIP (TDP + ATLA + SOC) that's set to be published in 2026 (bonus "being published through an indie press" experience) is about an unchosen one who wants her powers back, a former child soldier who wants revenge, and a prodigy who wants redemption / subsequent moodboard

#dragons rambles #pinned post #gotten new followers so figured it was time for an update

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ells-18 · 1 year ago

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- the one where y/n confirms what the fans think -

SAVING GRACE. GEORGE CLARKEY.

“Welcome back to another episode of the Saving Grace podcast!” Grace exclaims. “Now today, we have a veryyy special guest..”

I laugh and the camera pans to me.

“It’s my best friend, y/nnnnn!” She claps.

“I’m glad you’ve finally asked me to be on this! Took you long enough, g” I chuckle while taking a sip of my drink.

“the people love you, what can I say” Grace says, crossing one leg over the other.

“So y/n” Grace clasps her hands together.

“Gracie” I respond.

“There’s been some interesting speculations about you online recently. Would you mind if we spoke about it?” She asked, smirking. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

I shake my head and chuckle. “Yes, we can speak about it”

Grace pulls out her phone and places glasses on her face. It made me laugh out loud, cackle even. She is so unintentionally hilarious.

“Oi! I’ll have you know I’m basically bastarding blind I can’t see!” She defends herself, scrolling through her phone.

“What are you even doing?” I ask.

“This” she turns her phone to face me, a specific photo was lighten up on her phone screen. On the podcast the photo will be blurred.

One of the cameramen played a dramatic sound effect that had me laughing again.

“Grace.. you already know about this!” I say referring to the photo.

“I think it’s time you tell the public?” She suggests.

“Is he here?” I mouth to Grace.

She nods, pointing her head towards HIM.

I catch his eyes and he grins, sending me a cute thumbs up.

George and I have actually been together for quite a few months, only close friends like Grace and Billy, Max, Andrew, Alex and Arthur etc know about us. We wanted to keep it from the public for a while as we wanted time to ourself. It’s been 7 months.. I think it’s time.

I look at Grace and nod. She squeals.

“LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.. the first and probably couple reveal on Saving Grace is happening RIGHT NOW”

I laugh at her enthusiasm.

“Y/n babe this has got to be my favourite episode yet” Grace says with her thick accent.

“So guys.. should I introduce?” I ask no one in particular, hearing some cheers from some camera and audio equipment.

“I think it’s pretty obvious to be honest BUT lest welcome him” Grace states.

“Welcome to the Saving Grace podcast.. the one and only.. George Clarkey!” Grace exclaims, clapping her hands as he wants into frame.

I can’t help but cover my face hiding my blush.

He walks over to me, places his hands on my waist and lifts me up and sits down, placing my on his leg.

I wrap my arms around his neck and lean my head on his. “Hello stranger”

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. “Hello you”

“Why can’t Billy treat me like this! We are having words!!” Grace groans, taking a sip of her drink.

“Oi if George is allowed on the podcast why haven’t me and Andrew been called yet?!” Max walks into frame, wearing a Disney lanyard covered in pins. Also wearing a Disney t shirt and Sully (monsters inc) slippers.

I look down at George and he looks up to me, we burst out into laughter, leaning my forehead against his.

“Max what the fuck?” Grace snorts laugher, looking at her other friend who seems to have robbed a Disney store.

“What is it with max and Disney?” I laugh to myself.

“Sorry Grace.. he found a Disney store on the way here..” Andrew sighs. “What’s he like?” He laughs and we all join in.

“Well that’s it guys.. for a chaotic episode of Saving Grace. Congrats to my besties y/n and George for finally making it official meaning I can post all the embarrassing loving photos I’ve took of you both-“

“What?” George and I ask simultaneously, making max and Andrew laugh.

“If you’ve been listening, thank you so much and remember to like and share! Bye for now!”

“cut!”

“Well that was chaotic” I say, and everyone nods in agreement.

“Fancy a drink?” I ask my friends.. and boyfriend.

Max automatically struts to me, pulling me away from George’s lap.

“Hey!” George complains.

“Lets get ready” he turns to Grace grabbing her hand. “Let’s look sexyyy for our men” he whispers.

A night out in London with my favourite people. How could I say no?

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damienthepious · 1 year ago

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lizard kissin’ lizard kissin’ lizard kissin’ lizard kissin’ but actually. in reality. maybe just some lizard hand holdin’. sortakinda. :3c

The Beast In On His Chain (chapter 14)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ch 5] [ch 6] [ch 7] [ch 8] [ch 9] [ch 10] [ch 11] [ch 12] [ch 13] [ao3] [???]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien, Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Lord Arum, Rilla, Sir Absolon

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, prisoner/guard dynamic, Dehumanization, (which feels like a weird word to use for a nonhuman person bUT. it’s what i got.), Despair, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, (EVENTUALLY!!!! it’ll take a while), Captivity, Suicidal Thoughts, (that will be a theme throughout. inescapable in this particular fic. alas.), Eventual Romance, (Yes the dynamics in this one are fucked. honestly i’m kinda Stretching my limits these days.), (having fun with it. fucking around. it’s fine.), Recovery, (eventually), Self-Reclamation

Chapter Summary: A couple of conversations, from alternating perspectives.

Chapter Notes: Chapter specific warnings for descriptions of Arum's early captivity, implied torture, continuing references to starvation/dehydration, mentions of injury. Take care of yourselves and i love you!

Arum looks... better. A week or so of water and already-

He does not seem healed, exactly. He is still... worryingly thin, still with the echoes of bruises across his arms and his chest and his eye, though the swelling has gone down substantially. It's subtle, really. Damien is unsure if he would have noticed if he hadn't been looking quite so closely. His color-

He looks less... ashen grey, Damien thinks. His scales are colorless, still, washed out, but- paler, now. Almost... clearer? And the scales themselves seem less dry, cracked, brittle. Claws, too. He breathes a little easier.

(Damien's stomach twists and twists and twists and he cannot make himself believe that this is enough, but-)

Arum has been suspicious of him, still, intermittently. Now and again. He hasn't gone so far as to dump any more cups on Damien's head, thankfully, but- the amount of trust he has in Damien's motives seems to vary by the hour, as Damien sits patiently at the edge of Arum's plinth.

Damien asks, now. If Arum would not mind hearing Damien speak, compose, pray. His responses vary, as well, glaring and shaking his head or rolling his eyes into a reluctant nod, by turns. Damien stays quiet when asked, of course. It is difficult, admittedly, but- it seems a cruelty to give Arum a choice and then fail to follow through.

Once, Arum denies Damien's request to compose aloud, but then after a few hours the monster huffs, grimacing when Damien glances back towards him. He wrinkles his snout, the motion almost- cute, in a strange way, and then he looks away. Damien tries to give Arum a bit of grace, then, politely turning back to the front and his own thoughts, but after another heavy few seconds, he feels Arum's knuckles, just barely brushing the edge of Damien's elbow.

He twitches, turning perhaps a bit too quickly in surprise, and Arum pulls back, startled in his own right. The monster flicks his tongue after a moment, still uncomfortable, still flinching, and Damien-

"Did you..." Damien trails off, biting his lower lip for a moment before he tries again. "Did you need something of me?"

Arum's expression sours, and Damien remembers belatedly- pride, of course, and implying that he needs anything from Damien- poor choice of words, politeness seen as an insult, of course-

Arum sags after only a moment, though, something defeated in his eyes, and then he lifts a hand and gestures to the journal of poetry drafts in Damien's hands.

"Ah..." Damien blinks, lifting the journal almost unconsciously to press against his chest. "Wh... what would you... I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."

Arum huffs again, points to the book, and then he flexes his hand oddly before he reaches to tap his own snout, his lips. He rolls his eyes as he does this, as if annoyed with himself, and then he flicks his hand out, waving vaguely towards Damien. It would seem like something of a dismissal, but...

Damien feels his own lips part. He swallows, and then tries, "You... you've changed your mind, about my... speaking?"

Arum frowns, and nods. He gestures to the book again.

Damien feels heat in his cheeks, the rawness of his poetic drafts inherently embarrassing, but...

It seems a cruelty, to give Arum a choice and then fail to follow through.

He lowers the pages from against his chest, takes a slow breath in, and starts to run through a verse that has been giving him particular trouble.

He tries, with difficulty, not to flush at the intensity of Arum's gaze upon him.

Arum does not know what to do with the new... amendments to his captivity.

Not that he has the freedom to do much of anything with it, but regardless. The sentiment stands.

His throat feels less raw than it has in... well. He does not actually know how long. Since the very first time he screamed it raw under the collar, when he raged and roared until the pain rendered him unconscious.

He think that he feels less tired, as well. That could be illusion, perhaps. It could be, instead, that Damien's presence in (what he assumes are) the daytime hours prevents him from fading into half-dreaming malaise, now. Even when the poet- when the knight is quiet, his presence is still a distraction, now that he simply prefers to... sit. On Arum's plinth. Within reach. The entirety of the shift, barring his allotted breaks.

(The knight is becoming oddly smooth, when it comes to rising and snatching up his weapons and pretending that he had been doing nothing whatsoever that he isn't allowed, when the other guards creak the door open to relieve him.)

He comes and sits close enough that Arum can scent the world outside on his skin, on his clothes.

Always, he smells of feathers and paper and ink, and the particular scent of his own hair and skin (which Arum, to his consternation, thinks that he could recognize in his sleep, now). Intermittently he smells of horses, of turned soil. Flowers. The scent of honeysuckle returns now and again, alongside lavender and roses and mint. He must enjoy plums, for how often his hands bear the scent of that delicate, cool flesh. The scent of other humans lingers on him with reasonable frequency, as well, but without their context, that is all Arum knows. Someone who enjoys talking as much as Sir Damien... it isn't particularly surprising that he would require other creatures with which to prattle and fritter away his time.

Once, he comes-

Droplets crowning his hair, again, damp darkening the armor on his shoulders, and when Damien puts his weapons on the stones away from Arum and shakes himself out, the reality of thunderstorm shivers in Arum's bones. He can taste it. The vague hint of a spark on the air, the thick rich scent of the rain. Mud on the knight's boots. And the distant, almost ignorable intermittent rumble Arum can sense through the stone, buzzing against his scales, he recognizes at last as thunder.

Damien had been grimacing as he shook a hand through his hair, but something in Arum's eyes must stop him short, because the poet's steps falter for a beat, and his cheeks darken when he meets Arum's gaze.

"Ah- er, it's just... raining," he says, lamely, and Arum wishes for perhaps the thousandth time that he could simply tell this creature how utterly absurd he is. In all capacities. He settles for a look, and Damien's face scrunches in something of a wince. "I know, I know." He sighs, and then he tilts his head, considering, his eyes up on the ceiling for a long moment. "Hm."

Arum glares. The force of it draws Damien's attention, and after a moment he shakes his head again (the rain-scent redoubling in Arum's snout).

"The thunder," he says, quietly. "I didn't realize... this deep, you can barely even hear it. It could just as well be the middle of a sunny day, or the depths of a snowstorm, or a humid haze, and we would never know the difference, secreted away in this cryp-"

He pauses, inhaling sharply and almost swallowing the word, but- he catches Arum's eye again. Arum knows what word he said. Damien knows he knows. The knight gives a rather mirthless, uncertain smile, and he sighs.

"Well. Regardless. I'm sup-" another pause. "Rather, I thought I should ask... may I take a look at your hand? The one that was injured, I mean," he says when Arum pulls his head back, wary. "I want to see how it has been healing, if that's alright with you."

Arum glances down to the hand in question, then glares back up at Damien. He can see the hand perfectly well, can't he?

Damien's smile takes on a little more warmth, and he takes a step closer. "May I look a bit closer, I mean," he says. "I- I'd like to see if the swelling has gone down. Your eye looks better, but... the hand was rather more unfortunate, and I want to be sure."

Why, Arum thinks, again. For perhaps the thousandth time. Why does the knight care?

He flexes his fingers, far less sore and stiff than they had been, and then he sighs. He settles a little more comfortably (not comfortably, in truth, but- more so) and offers the offending limb out towards the knight.

Damien almost looks surprised, for a heartbeat, and then his smile shifts even wider, and softer, and he leans against the plinth, lifting his own hands to take Arum's.

Arum twitches at the touch. He can't help it. Even his fingertips are hot like coals, and Arum can feel droplets of water from the rain dotting his skin, too, oddly intimate against Arum's scales. Damien makes a noise in the back of his throat, wordless but soothing, and he very carefully turns Arum's hand in his own, his eyes intent and observant.

Arum imagines that his own eyes must bear a similar look, watching Damien in return, trying to focus on anything besides that touch. He flicks his tongue, taking all of it (rain hair orange peel spark of lightning skin rain soil honeysuckle linen rain green growing things rain) in as one sensation. It feels something like hunger, at the core of him. A want so sharp that it hurts. It coalesces oddly: he remembers with a sudden pulse a particular landscape Amaryllis had shown, raindrops on a river, hazy lines in the air to show the falling droplets, ruffling birds taking cover beneath a shrub, and-

(Ridiculous, the idea that he misses her. He does not know her. He knew her only briefly. She does not mean anything. She is not coming back.)

(She is not coming back.)

Arum swallows. Damien releases his hand, leaning back and leaving Arum's scales colder again. Arum curls his hands into fists, pressing them against his stomach as if that might keep the linger of mammal heat a moment longer. As if it isn't already too late.

"Seems that you're healing rather well," Damien says with a light smile, and then a sharpness comes to his eyes. "Now, at least. Do you imagine the water is helping?" he asks, and Arum-

(Rain on his cheek, still weighing his curls down, emphasizing every scent, is the water helping? Helping-)

(He means the canteen.)

Arum shakes his head to clear it, realizes that Damien will likely take that as a negation, and then he huffs. He gives a shrug, tipping his head sideways in what he hopes will read as a so-so gesture. He doesn't know, of course. It feels like, perhaps, it might be. But how would he know?

Damien nods slowly, a thoughtful turn to his lips, and then he allows himself to sit, perching on the lip of Arum's plinth, his usual place.

(His usual place?)

"Would..." the poet's voice slows, and then he hesitantly raises his eyes to meet Arum's. "Would food help, as well, do you think?"

#elle's fanfic #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #sir damien #the beast in on his chain #ough augh hrgh haough #please someone help this lizard (ignores that i control this)

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criticallyobs · 1 year ago

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Z WHOLEHEARTEDLY recommends...

As I mentioned in Episode #21 of our Dangerous Romance podcast I love this song so much. The melody is so pretty and catching in a way that is both uplifting but also strangely melancholic.

When listening to it, for me it invokes images of dappled sunshine and a warm summer breeze, it has such a vibe that I feel like I'm not doing it justice.

Positioned in the first episode around the five-minute mark, only the instrumental was used, and yet the lyrics work so beautifully for them also.

I found an AI-written article about the meaning of the lyrics and I was just going 'YES, YES, YES!!!' the whole time I was reading it. (I love it when my obsessive insanity is backed up by things more intelligent than me.)

I want to share some bits from it here:

'The song "Infinity" by Bluma Petersen (featuring Nadja Alsén) explores themes of self-discovery, growth, and the enduring nature of love. The song begins with a greeting to emotions, indicating a renewed awareness and connection to one's own feelings. The reference to oceans and rain symbolizes the vastness and fluidity of emotions. The singer acknowledges their familiarity with their own patterns and identity, expressing that they are aware of their own circles and name.'

'The chorus, "Reform and rise to be so free, In time we seize infinity," conveys a message of personal transformation and liberation. It suggests that by embracing change and evolution, one can achieve a sense of ultimate freedom and boundlessness.

The verses continue to explore various themes. The mention of borders being out of order and being out of pain suggests breaking free from limitations and past suffering.'

Kang and Sailom both endure such substantial and life-changing character development, as they navigate first their friendship and then their romantic relationship and again when they're separated.

Sailom needed to break free of his strict self-imposed limitations and learn how to ask for help and also to allow the people who love him to care for him.

Kang needed to break away from his own self-doubt and fear while learning to understand that expectations can be a dangerous thing.

'The lyrics also touch upon the idea of fighting and holding the line, which could imply overcoming obstacles or standing up for oneself. The references to never hiding and never lying indicate a commitment to authenticity and honesty in relationships.'

Honestly, this song could have been written for them.

We spoke many times about the honesty between Kang and Sailom in moments when it mattered. Except for direct feelings, as they struggled to express both their love and fear, they were honest with each other.

'The repeated lines about coming home and going strong suggest a sense of reunion and strength within a romantic relationship. It implies that despite their individual journeys, they still find solace and support with each other. The conclusion of the song emphasizes the idea of limitless love, with the repetition of "infinity" signifying its eternal nature.

Overall, "Infinity" embodies a message of personal growth, perseverance, and the undying power of love. It encourages embracing change, facing challenges, and finding strength in relationships to achieve a sense of freedom and seize the infinite possibilities that life offers.'

This AI-written article makes me wonder if this particular AI has somehow become sentient and is a fan of Dangerous Romance and has devoured our podcast, because when I was reading the article it was like it was inteligently speaking on why I loved this song and why it couldn't have been more perfect both for that moment in the show and Kang and Sailom's relationship.

The fact that this song was chosen by someone involved in this show and they chose to only include the instrument piece at the start of the song both impresses and kind of angers me.

It's such a good fit - Did they not realize it? Or is this just one more way the Dangerous Romance crew made it known that they are far superior to other productions by encouraging its viewers to engage and really dig into this show?

The song ends much like the show with love and freedom to be themselves together, which will last an infinity.

The way the show ends with Kang coming back to Sailom who has become his home, and in return, Sailom coming to Kang in the hotel room to embrace past fears and hurts lends itself very well to the ideas of home and strength we see mentioned at the end of the song.

A line I somehow missed with my many screenshots "Now we're ready to be whole." Oh, my poor Kanghan Sailom heart.

I love this idea of them feeling equal to each other in the end because they make up each other's missing pieces and now when they're together they're whole.

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cuprohastes · 2 years ago

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World building notes

The Tsin are four armed pangolins with their eyes between their nostrils.

Their nostrils are on the sides of their head safely out of the way. Their eyes are hilariously far forward, in front of their big soft round ears.

Their scales are actually heat/moisture control - The underside of their big scales are chubby, like a fingertip, and can radiate heat, and form part of their respiration.

They do have four arms: The big pair they have are long enough to use quadrupedally, though they culturally don't because ugh, what did you stand in?!

The other pair are usually tucked up and not used for a whole lot, though often, for holding ones wallet keys and phone. No, really. It's just convenient.

Tsin hear well, in a wider range than humans, and use a higher pitch when talking "locally" and lower for longer distances. By Tsin standards, all humans speak like they're on the other side of the room. This is considered hilarious.

After reading this from T. kingfisher, the noted author, artist, podcaster, gardener and alter ego of someone even more talented, it made sense to me that the Tsin would have four genders.

There's the Big Males and Big Females...

Which doesn't mean tehy're bigger. They have several words for the gender, ranging from scientific to medical, from formal to colloquial.

None of which map to a single useful human word or phrase, so everyone informally settled on "Big" in the sense of the "Most. The largest amount of. Venti"

There's Small males and Small females.

Only... sometimes it's just one who switches gender because there was a shortage.

Tsin family dynamics are like a pot of spaghetti that's being stirred.

Big females can breed with Small males. Big males can breed with Small Females. Small Males and females cannot breed, unless they do but the offspring is sterile, the same way a mule is.

Big Femals and Big Males also cannot interbreed, and the results are tragic, so don't do that.

Females have a 50/50 chance of male or female offspring, unless they were previously mal in which case 100% chance of male offspring. Males who were female produce 75/25 chance of females.

A standard family unit is at least one large male, 2-4 small males and females, and one large female, "To shout at everyone for not keeping their claws clean".

This would be the alpha female, in the sense of she's pretty much everyone's mother figure. Or the most forceful personality.

Male/Female roles in Tsin society are... complex. The question of being trans or not only applied to the type that cannot naturally switch. In modern times, the specific biological process is more understood and a Big type can be reverted back to a Small type, but should breed as a Big type to avoid really unfortunate results, as genetically they're still Big.

Very few of this particular gender class feel the need to swap, and it's more common for Small class to want to gender swap to being Big, which again, with the right hormones and some attitude coaching and scale paint to get the right colours, is a thing.

This has caused some consternation. In a society where switching genders is fine and natural, switching gender class was the odd one and since having one or more Big class family members not breeding was kind of not a big deal normally, it was considered more of a managerial concern.

I mean, if you start out small, are you going to be able to yell at people so they'll keep their claws clean?

Turns out, yes, so that was worked out Ok as long as everyone remembered their geneology lessons.

The phrase "keep your claws clean" is one of those culturally loaded phrases that has several centuries of references and cultural baggage, but can be summed up as 'ensuring that one's familial unit are maintianing civil ways and fitting in with the morals and standards of the society of which they are part of and e.g not waling around on all fours and getting mucky hand prints on the nice things'.

If you were having fun with this, comment! I hunger for interaction!

#Tsin #world building

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james-vi-stan-blog · 6 months ago

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I’ve missed seeing this blog in my notifs! I’d like to ask - what do you think really killed James? I was listening to a podcast about the more sinister royal deaths and yes, I can agree it was a combination of health issues, but what really got him in the end? ‘Dysentery’ is too obvious. Thanks! - thelastplantagenet 💚

HELLO. Yes, I have been dead. I got mono in the spring 🙃

Answering this from memory without books to reference in front of me.

I tend to be skeptical of diagnoses fitted onto figures of the past, since there are so many layers of interpretation involved, decisions on which sources to trust, etc. And medicine of this time period in England was… not good. The difference between the "legitimate" physicians of the time and the utter quacks is, IMO, very slight. Humoral doctors were often powerless against fatal illness, and a lot of the treatments, like bleeding and purging, would actively make cases worse. I'm totally convinced that his grandson Charles II's death (60 years later) was Death by Early Modern Medicine.

In James's case, I think it's hard to say because he had been in bad health for a long time and was really falling apart in 1624-5. His doctors diagnosed tertian ague (malaria) and I think that's reasonably plausible. While he was sick he also had a stroke that may or may not have been connected with the malaria, and he could not speak or rise after that point. What finished him off was an attack of dysentery, but he had already spent most of March dying by that point.

IMO, it is in fact possible that the posset/"potion" that Buckingham and his mother gave James could have killed him. I do NOT think it was poisoned (it was tasted by everyone in the room!!!), but given that GI issues finished him off, it could have upset his digestion or added more pathogens to his weakened body (just imagine all the stuff in their milk). It is true that James's condition took a downturn after he drank it. But, maybe he was going to have a downturn anyway, maybe it was a fatty drink upsetting his stomach, etc. I'd believe almost any explanation before poison.

But it's equally likely that the official treatment from his doctors would have done the same - humor-purging treatments weakening this frail old man and adding all sorts of new germs to his system. I think it's ridiculous to point fingers at George/Mary in particular for "interfering with James's treatment", because James's official treatment was dangerous pseudoscience, too!! Maybe if more people interfered with official treatment back in the day, more patients would've survived!

#james vi and i #george villiers #james's weird stan rambles again #content note #tw medical #tw bodily fluids #tw gross #tw death

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liichkiing · 1 year ago

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What are your projects? And yes I am human 👽 (satire lol)

sorry anon this has been sitting in my askbox for a few days i've been meaning to answer it but simply have not. there's a lot going on i really have problems with my brain it's very difficult to formulate coherent thoughtsz. BUT.

L Project [cocreated by a friend who doesn't use tumblr]

Set in an alternate Earth where magic is real and known about publicly. Specifically on a fictional island in the Caribbean (tentatively named Opiake) (specifically mostly in its capitol, New JB City/Ciudad de Nuevo JB) which is referred to as the "magic capitol of the world" due to having much higher than average natural magic. The story takes place primarily in 1982 and onward, but it features many flashbacks to various points in the previous decade as well as some other stuff. The protagonists (and most of the characters at least early on) were test subjects in the titular L Project (Lampara Research Project on Natural Magical Manifestations in Adolescents), a now formally discontinued program, mostly. Out of 22 original subjects, 6 are still affiliated with the project following a 1981 incident in which a team of 8 subjects were on a field assignment which resulted in [DATA EXPUNGED]. Those 8 subjects in particular are the main protagonists! They experience the horrors frequently. There's a lot of death and violence and transsexuality and general queerness. It's all very fun. You can see the main kids here! I could talk about this for one billion years this is the most basic information imaginable. The plot itself is uh. Well there's a lot in here. For context there's like seven or eight books of plot my friend and I have. It's a lot

Of Sea Glass and Stars (often referred to as just Sea Glass) [cocreated with my dear friends @/abstractfrog and @/dooodlebee

Sci-fi podcast concept set on a space station in the distant year of 3045. You don't get more than that. For the vaguest of information about this, peruse this tag on my blog. ::^)

A1-ANON (or just Alanon)

Another sci-fi future story, but this one is much more fantasy oriented. The worldbuilding for this one in particular is very difficult to get into without having to explain a lot more. Basically we follow a genetically engineered demigod who roughly sixty years ago blew up the lab at which they were created and they've since become a terrorist trying to destroy the government. Also there was a huge global war a few centuries back. So. Post apocalyptic sort of but not in the wasteland sorta way. This one's hard to explain. Anyway it's about learning to be a human and also about environmentalism and also about destroying the evil government and also about Catholics being freaks. I can update my lore document and post it if anybody's interested.

STARSHIP: MERLIN

Honestly this one is probably exactly what you think of when you read the name. It's Arthurian Legend but they're space pirates. Some differences, though. Most of them are gay and trans. Also there's some pretty considerable other changes. It's relatively lighthearted and fun and doesn't so much have a plot. I just like Arthurian Legend and want the guys I really like to have fun in space. Also it's really fun for worldbuilding!! I haven't really done much with it in a while.

#ask #anonymous #long post #kinda #not really #but y'know.#victor.txt #sure that can go in the tag #l project #sea glass #a1-anon #starship merlin

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lashton-is-my-drug · 1 year ago

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ok so i don’t even know how i stumbled upon your page but i’m a relatively new fan to the 5sos family and i don’t really ship any of the boys buttt i read some of your posts and i can kinda believe lashton. so my first question for you is, do you ship malum and if lashton weren’t real, what other ship would you believe? also, i saw you mentioned them being managed by modest, and as a larry from the 1d fandom, i know all about them. i was wondering if you could explain more on that. thank you!!

First off, Hi and Welcome! Always nice to meet new people! haha

I also love to discuss and answer questions, so thank you for your good questions!

If you keep scrolling around and clicking through my hashtags you should eventually find my masterposts, lyrics analysis of a handful of songs, etc etc, and theres the matching rings of only Luke and Ash of which neither have ever worn with any other members, there's only been the brotherhood necklaces. When I first looking into them I let myself remain really really cynical until I started seeing that there were ongoing things, one after the other, that was different than was going on with the other guys. Yes, they're a brotherhood of soulmates but Luke and Ash have this added layer of treating each other. Any particular questions you're not finding an answer to even after looking through my blog, just let me know.

I don't like to refer to my beliefs as shipping, as I see that they're individually closeted, and then there's the added layer of their closeted relationship. The "shipping" that has gone on is what has muddied the waters of people being affectionate and friends vs affectionate and lovers. Vastly different, as you know the same with Larry, and the other closeted relationships that are in 1D. So, therefore, I don't believe any of the other pairings with Luke or Ash have any sort of romantic validity. Could they have experimented or whatever? Sure, none of us would know. But from the evidences, there's nothing to back that up. Cal and Michael knew each other since 2nd? grade, so they've had lots of time to be really bonded and how they've acted with each other has evidences of being boyfriends along the way. No idea if thats currently going on though. I have suspicions of Cal possibly being with Roy (longtime fellow musical artist friend), who lived with him during lockdown. But I won't get into their whole story right now. Thats a lot to cover.

Luke and Ashton are my faves and who I tend to focus on 98% of the time. So regarding Michael/Cal, I'll answer questions in DM if you're really that interested.

They were managed by Modest right out of Australia back when they first started. I'm about to very shortly post a timeline of Lashton and I'm planning to post a relationship of modest/5sos throughout the years. Think of all the tactics that have been used of modest towards the 1D boys, 5sos has a vast amount of the same things. Lots and lots of stunts/bearding (which I could post a lot more about but I try to keep that negative stuff away but I will talk abut should it be something thats specifically asked or is particularly relevant), being overworked, tabloid narratives including trying to force narratives of what/who songs are about (thankfully the boys have fought to control that as much as they are able to). Is there anything specific you're wondering about regarding this topic? Yes, they were treated like crap with them. So much so that during their 10 Year anniversary podcast where they recounted their career, year by year, they never said their name. Not once. They also weirdly left out the story how Luke and Ash actually met, which they've fondly told a handful of times before... it was kinda just breezed past (Wasn't part of the bands story? 🤔 )

Not sure what else to include so I'll stop here. haha

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lesbian-gnf-archive · 2 years ago

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what is this dream gay awakening in merch discord vc all about???? historian explain

Uhmmmmm there are multiple things this could be referring to, it could be a slight misinfo and talking about Dream having a sexuality crisis live on George's first cooking stream (March(?) 2021) in front of 300k people because per Dream's request after watching George take off 100 shirts from a challenge and get all sweaty, George wet his hair and then messed it up and when Dream saw it unironically yelled "HOLY COW, what? I have never seen your hair like that" and then proceed to not shut up about it for the next few minutes and tell George he should invest in hair gel to make it look like that every day (literally told him to get on Amazon after the stream). That's what's generally referred to as Dream's first sexuality realization to the audience.

The only other thing I think you could be asking about is The Quiz June 2021? Which was basically the first (yes, first) time Dream took an "Am I In Love With My Best Friend Quiz" on a discord podcast with George in the call. It definitely caused a certain shift in dnf and possibly what pushed Dream over the edge (all speculation) because every question made him more and more flustered. In particular when one of the questions were "Do you ever think about what it would be like to kiss your best friend?" Dream stayed silent for approximately 10 seconds straight after reading it outloud before going "Okay- Okay, no no" and George asking "why did that take you so long?" Dream was upset by the answer options because he was taking the answers extremely literally, and decided to pick "yes, but I think it would be like kissing my mom" (he said he doesn't think that's still quite accurate but it's the closest one) (George was dead silent 90% of the quiz) And after getting the result that Dream is "a little bit in love with [his] best friend" he stayed for a moment and then left so quickly George wasn't even able to process that he was gone.

And then there was dead silence for a week straight afterwards where the entire month they had done something every day until the started up again exactly a week later

Fun fact, people always talk about how the results said he was "34% in love" but that's because Dream misinterpreted the results. He read it as he got 34% but actually that was the total amount of people who had taken that test and gotten the same result as him. It had nothing to do with his own results except adding to that percentage lmao

#idk if this helped at all i tried my best !#kore.ask #dnf history

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tessiete · 2 years ago

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One Hell of a Fanfic

youtube

So, completely unbeknownst to me, the podcast One Hell of a Fanfic took the time to read and discuss my fic The Eternal Spring. It’s an older fic – I think my first real foray into SW as an author – and it shows. But the wonderful hosts, Steph and Lauren, found it, read it, and talked about it here.

This new podcast focuses on SW fic exclusively, and is an absolute delight to listen to. As a reader, it gives you insight into the experience of reading the story and introduces you to work you might have missed. And as an author…wow.

It’s like when someone leaves you an essay in your comment section. Chef’s kiss.

Anyway, because I love to talk about process and intent, and because I love to talk about stories, and because while listening to this episode I had so many moments of “YES BUT DID YOU SEE THE BIT WHERE I –” I’ve decided to write up a little response going into detail about what Lauren and Steph discovered while reading The Eternal Spring.

I’ll try and organise it, too, by sort of keeping to the five categories they break their episodes into. So here goes:

CANON

Right off the bat, this section made me question everything about myself, my writing, and what on earth I was doing. Both Lauren and Steph mentioned how incredibly deep the lore is, how many Easter Eggs I included, and how I blended canon, Legends, and fanon into a unique lore of its own.

This is wild to me because I’d never thought of that.

Listen, I’ve got a very complicated relationship with canon. I treat it as equal to Legends, and fanon. To my mind, it’s no better, no more real, no more accurate than Legends is, or even fanon. In fact, I’m of the opinion that fanon occasionally has the absolute best take on a character.

For instance, Obi-Wan having precognitive dreams. Sorry, that’s real to me. That’s true.

And you’ll see this come up as a given in my work all the time. I hardly even think about it anymore. So that’s one way in which these different sources are pulled together – unconsciously.

However, I won’t deny there was conscious reference to two fan works specifically. Those being Tatooine Slave Culture (created by fialleril), and more significantly the Lineage series (Jedi Apprentice rewrites by ruth baulding). I am a huge Jedi Apprentice fan, and a huge ruth baulding fan. I know JA especially has its haters, but I love it (for reasons I will not go into here for the sake of HA! brevity).

I know TSC especially has faced controversy in the past for appropriation and insensitivity, though admittedly, I was unaware of that at the time of writing this story. I had just entered the fandom much like a bull enters a china shop. I made a lot of missteps. That said, I don’t think I use TSC culture with any significant overstep in this story (as it is largely only referenced by people outside of the culture), and so while I probably wouldn’t do it again, I don’t feel it’s detrimental in this case.

Ruth Baulding, however, is perfect. While the Lineage series is extremely whump-heavy (heads up should you go looking), there is one story in particular where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon visit The Stewardship of Terajon (StewJon) and encounter Obi-Wan’s birth family. While Qui-Gon handles it with a quiet and permissive grace, Obi-Wan is reflexively defensive and hostile, especially when he finds out that SPOILERS his family is on the opposite side of the conflict. They do no support the Republic, while Obi-Wan has dedicated his life to it. Qui-Gon recognises that their reasons are legitimate and ideologies are not so black and white as good and evil. Obi-Wan, however, cannot reconcile the idea that his family are so-called traitors. They end up finding an uneasy peace where Obi-Wan tells his parents that Qui-Gon is and has always been a father to him, and Obi-Wan’s mother makes him promise that if he ever needs help he will ask her for it.

I really wanted to write a story where he does that.

Partly because I wanted to depict an Obi-Wan who had grown into a maturity that could handle shades of grey, especially in politics, and partly because this story is so much about parents and their children, absence and presence and legacy, that I felt Ue, his mother, needed to be there for it.

Side note: I will forever cling to ruth baulding's conjecture that Obi-Wan is named for the obiwan flowers that grow on Stewjon. IRL our obiwan flowers look similar to how she describes them!

As for Qui-Gon and his love of plants – I don’t know.

I think this is a blend of fanon and Legends that I’ve once again just taken on board as fact, and only with this podcast am I compelled to examine it.

Though recently contradicted by LFL canon (In CG’s Master&Apprentice), fanon loooooong held that Obi-Wan was the one with a connection to prophecy and Qui-Gon was Master of Living in the Moment. I really love the tension this creates between them, and that’s why I keep it.

To that end, Qui-Gon is very frequently depicted in fanon as being Super Into Plants. He’s like, the Order’s #1 Plant Dad. His rooms are full of plants, and he is deeply connected to the Living Force.

In the Jedi Apprentice novels, Obi-Wan is almost sent to live as a farmer in the AgriCorps, and he is convinced he’d be a terrible farmer.

I kind of connected these two dots to suggest that much as Obi-Wan still ends up on Tatooine, he also still ends up a farmer. Qui-Gon taught him the horticulture he was so afraid of finding on Bandomeer, and Tatooine sees him eventually relying on those skills for survival.

This ties into one of the things I wanted to grapple with in this fic. Free will vs. Destiny. I think, ultimately, this story’s perspective on it is that destiny = destination. You are always going to the same place. But the journey itself is free will. How you get there, which path you take, and what you learn from it – that’s all on you.

And if we believe that it’s not about the destination, but the journey, then isn’t that the same as free will after all?

Anyway.

That said, Steph and Lauren point out several times that this complex mingling of lore leads to much confusion AND that if you’re not acquainted with even something as (to me) ubiquitous as The Clone Wars, then much of it won’t land.

On the one hand, this is intentional. I love Easter Eggs, but I’m staunchly of the opinion that Easter Eggs aren’t meant to be found by everyone. They’re for the dedicated readers, the hyperfixaters, the deep-divers, the re-readers. I think Easter Eggs aren’t PointingLeos so much as they are sly winks, and things that make returning to a story rewarding. Every time you come back, you find something new. They’re meant to increase the longevity of novelty. And that’s how I try to use them.

THAT SAID I 100% TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THAT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME KNOWLEDGE BASE AS I DO.

In retrospect, that’s ridiculous. This is what I mean by saying they made me question my whole approach to fic. I didn’t think that TCW was a deep-cut. I didn’t think that Siri Tachi and her mandrangea beans were unknown, or that Obi-Wan loving muja fruit was obscure.

And that’s on me. That’s my bad. Because objectively, Lauren and Steph are absolutely right. That is so much information to expect a reader to have as a baseline, and dramatically decreases the size of the demographic I’m reaching.

Do I regret it? ….nnnooooo?

But I will absolutely be more mindful of that in the future. I think that’s a hugely important lesson for me to take from this. It’s not just a “My perspective isn’t everyone’s perspective” but a “Not everyone has been hyperfixating on the exact shade of orange in a Tatooine sunset since they were five, please provide some context thank you”.

EXPANDING THE LORE

Okay, I really wanted to address this, because in a previous episode, Lauren and Steph discuss World Without End by disasterisms. Specifically, they mention their love of mythology and how interesting it is that WWE is a retelling of the Hades/Persephone story.

And it had me frantically raising my hand like a pick-me!

So, fun fact, The Eternal Spring is also based on a Greek myth. Specifically, the myth of Psyche and Eros. In the original story, Psyche marries Eros but swears never to look on his face. She can’t deal with the curiosity however, and one night as he’s sleeping, she holds her torch over his head to get a look. He’s beautiful. But oil from her lamp drips onto him and he wakes, fleeing until she atones for her crime by completing a series of Impossible Tasks.

I love Impossible Tasks.

And more, I loooove hanging my stories on the preexisting structures of other works.

The Forlorn Queen is a long-form poem I wrote that is meant to be a Nabooian version of Psyche and Eros. In it, the unnamed Queen is assigned four Impossible Tasks that all correlate to the tasks of Psyche.

Sort seeds from sand

Retrieve the Golden Fleece

Collect water from a sacred spring

Steal the Beauty of Perspephone

In the fic, these are played out by Padme in variously metaphorical ways. In the first, she literally has to sort the seeds from the sand after a sandstorm destroys their burgeoning garden. But more than re-enacting this myth, each task is meant to explore some emotional challenge in how she copes and reconciles her grief.

Sorting seeds from sand is a metaphor for her sorting out her priorities. What is alive still? What is worth saving? How closely she has to examine the sand, how long it takes, how tedious it is – this is all a reflection of her looking at her own life, her own struggles, and sorting out what she needs vs. what she wants.

Likewise, she retrieves the Golden Fleece/Golden Scale (saves Boil from the chip and his own lack of purpose, his transformation symbolised by him painting his armour [his scales] gold and taking on Padme’s commission, which is also the Mandalorian colour for vengeance). By sending Boil after Obi-Wan she is bringing water to the goddess (relief to Obi-Wan). And finally, the task that Psyche fails is the one Padme fails, also – at least, she cannot do it alone. This is about the acceptance of death and the loss of youth. This is Padme not joining the rebellion, and Obi-Wan reconciling with Qui-Gon.

Greek myths don’t directly correspond with symbolism as we understand it today, so yeah, I had to do a bit of research and even more extrapolation to get these tasks to mean more than simply Things To Accomplish, but that was always the intent. This story was always a myth – just as Revenge of the Sith (esp. As written by Matthew Stover) is explicitly Greek in its framing as a tragedy.

WHEW! Onto the fun stuff!

CHARACTERS

The thing that struck me most here was Lauren and Steph’s breakdown of small action vs. big action, and how they both agreed that it was sometimes difficult to follow and occasionally off-putting. Small action is the emotional conflicts deeply examined, while big action is like, the pew-pews.

They are totally correct in their assessment.

I could say that I think this is something that the OT and PT especially do. A New Hope, especially, spends what modern audiences would consider a loooong time without any significant Big Action, and the PT really struggles with pacing. It’s something sort of inherent to SW, and I really wanted this fic to feel like SW. It wasn’t entirely unintentional on my part to give you a lot of small action and then suddenly drop in big action…

Buuuuuuut it wasn’t entirely intentional, either.

You know, in writing this fic, I was constantly, constantly afraid it was incredibly boring. You can see it in my ANs. The small action is what I live for, but I was scared no one would want to read it if I stayed there.

So I think this is honestly more a reflection of my own insecurity than it is a deliberate reflection of Star Wars itself.

Again, a lesson. And something to keep in mind!

OMG ALL THAT NONSENSE! If you’re still here, well, I got more!

FAVOURITE SCENES

Qui’s ghost

I am so happy Lauren loved this scene. This was the scene that I first envisioned, this was the scene that I was always writing towards, this scene, to me, is what Star Wars is all about.

And yes, I am actually George Lucas.

For more wild speculations of mine that have since been canonized by LFL please see Only Hope (including, weirdly, Mandalorians being super into culture soups…so…HMU Kathleen!)

But yeah, I love Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. When I was writing this story I was deep into the QuiObi fandom, and I just really loved any and every expression of love and intimacy between them (platonic or otherwise).

Again going back to Legends, for me, I always loved the idea that Obi-Wan is frequently driven by his desire to be good for Qui-Gon. A good padawan, a good knight, a good Jedi. A good person. In JA he has to beg to be his padawan, and never really seems to feel like he measures up to Qui-Gon’s expectations. He wasn’t wanted and he worries that Qui-Gon’s disinterest in him never changed.

To me, it’s very obvious that Qui-Gon does want him. Very early on. But to a young teen, and someone so deeply insecure as Obi-Wan, it’s hard to see.

I LOVE THAT TENSION.

And I felt Obi-Wan really needed his dad to give him a hug at the end of it all.

The idea that Qui-Gon has always been with Obi-Wan is…I mean, I think that’s just intrinsic to their story. It’s weird because I can see how it looks like I “Just Knew” but I think everyone knew because it’s sort of the inevitable conclusion to their journey together. Qui-Gon literally defies death in order to be with Obi-Wan. I can’t think of any greater expression of love and devotion than that…and yet, Obi-Wan still needs it spelled out for him.

ANYWAY I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM ALL DAY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I’m very happy it made you two cry.

KORKIE IS A KENOBI

Look, I’m not even being ironic about it anymore. I love Korkie Kenobi. I believe in Korkie Kenobi. Korkie Kenobi is the best, most under-utilised, over-disparaged, misunderstood storyline that Star Wars never took.

As I briefly mentioned before, this story is really about parents and their kids. It was not an indulgence but an acute necessity that Korkie be a Kenobi in this fic. I’m not saying that because I love the theory (though I do), but because thematically it is imperative that Obi-Wan sees himself as a son, a brother, and a father. That he understand he is part of a family of blood, of duty, of choice, of circumstance. That he knows he is connected to the Force, to the world, and to the people around him. That we all are. That we owe ourselves to the people around us. That nothing ends, and everything continues.

That absence is not oblivion.

And Korkie specifically fits into that theme in the way he and Obi-Wan are connected despite Obi-Wan’s own ignorance. He is biologically present (by blood), he is spiritually present (in Korkie’s Force sensitivity), and he is emotionally present (in the way Korkie was raised watching him, being inspired by him, holding him up as a model of bravery and integrity – despite Obi-Wan not physically being there to parent him, he still was formative in Korkie’s emotional development and, to me, that’s massively important).

I really, really dislike the notion that Korkie being Obi-Wan’s son inherently frames Obi-Wan as a neglectful and dead-beat parent. What a small way to look at someone’s impact on others. What a cruel way to frame purpose, duty, and obligation. What a sexist way to ignore Satine’s importance and capability. What a mean way to dismiss the experiences of so many readers and people who grew up in single-parent homes for whatever reason.

My mum works in medicine. She missed a lot of school concerts, a lot of bedtimes, a lot of birthdays because she was SAVING LIVES. My dad explained this to me as a small child, and even as a small child, I understood. I got it. Kids aren’t dumb, and I knew a lot of kids in similar situations – we’re not traumatised.

Never mind the kids who had a parent die, or deployed, or transferred. It’s hard to be a parent, and yes, some parents are uninterested and dead-beats. But that neglect is not defined by their absence.

PERSONAL PET PEEVE EXORCISED THROUGH KORKIE

I tried to really connect things here by having Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mirror Obi-Wan and Korkie. Just as Obi-Wan was simultaneously present and absent in Korkie’s life, so too is Qui-Gon present and absent in Obi-Wan’s.

There’s a little moment where Obi-Wan’s mother, Ue, reassures Korkie that he’s wanted. Obi-Wan will not reject him. She tells him, “You are not a consequence, or a punishment, aso-aso,” she murmurs. “And I don't see that any parent could hold you any less than the very best of all beloved things.”

Then, at the end of the story, Qui-Gon uses the same words telling Obi-Wan, “Never think, my dearest Ben, that you are anything less than best beloved of my very heart.”

(“Best Beloved” btw is very much stolen from Kipling)

As for him taking the Kenobi name – hey man, we need more Kenobis.

But I love the bravery it takes because, as the hosts mention, it puts a big target on his back in a galaxy where the most powerful Force user is constantly on the look out for Kenobi.

And, in fact, if you’re curious, I explored the possibility of Vader finding Korkie first here: Or Else I Shall Be Lost

HERE there was also another lesson:

Steph and Lauren discussed the revelation of Korkie’s Force Sensitivity, and how it was confusing until the very end when I explicitly commented on it.

I TOTALLY DIDN’T REALIZE THIS WAS CONFUSING because mostly, I didn’t realise that I was writing a mystery.

BUT I WAS! Holy heck! I’m honestly surprised. Another like, surprising reframing of my own intentions and process. Because looking back, they’re totally right.

Kind of in line with using lore I like without explanation or justification, I also like referencing things I as the author know to be true but without actually telling the audience. In this case, I used wild coincidence as a thin cover for Force sensitivity, not revealing that had been intentional until the end.

Of course, in my head I was like, “Ha! Another clue! They’ll be putting this puzzle together by now” without accounting for the fact that I never told anyone there was a puzzle to begin with.

Not sure how I’ll address that in future fic, but it’s…it’s really something to think about. Is it a mystery if you don’t tell your audience something needs to be investigated?

NUMA REFERENCE

I honestly can’t remember, but I think Kano is canon….or Legends…and was there on Ryloth. I love using clones that make sense, even if they’re lesser known. It makes me feel less like someone’s got plot armour and more that they were lucky which was also why I used Boil. I know, having been in fandom for ages now, that fandom would’ve preferred Cody be the clone to find Padme on Tatooine and go after Obi-Wan, but like…

Look, I’m super proud that fandom has made Cody the character he is, but canonically, most of that doesn’t exist.

Canonically, the clones assigned to cover Obi-Wan’s back are Waxer and Boil.

And I think Waxer dies, right? So the only clone that made sense to me, as a fandom newbie, was Boil. It had to be Boil.

And his relationship with Numa cemented that. Because Numa is – in a way – his daughter. The same way Leia is. She is the inheritor of whatever is left after the war. Numa lives, but what of Ryloth? Did she survive the rest?

I think that moment is the one, uncomplicated victory that Boil looks back on to ground himself. He can look at Ryloth and think “We did the right thing” because after that, everything gets complicated. And that’s the thing that convinces Kano to help them, also. The desire to believe they’ve done good. Simple, uncomplicated good.

QUESTIONS

Okay, I really wanted to address this next part – Lauren and Steph were so unconvinced that Padme would stay on Tatooine and not join the Rebellion.

You guys, I was SCREAMING!

And again, they weren’t wrong. I can totally see how they came to that conclusion, how Padme’s choice felt OOC and wrong, and how it does contradict everything we know of her from canon.

And while I have no intention of changing their interpretations of canon, or of my fic I sooooo want to discuss it from my POV. And you know what, again – my bad for not articulating it in a clear enough way. I would probably rewrite this scene if I were to do it again.

Because that contradiction is the point.

This isn’t what Padme would choose. Like she says, she thinks about it. She thinks about going to Bail. That’s her first thought.

But, this fic is meant to show why she can’t.

It’s not that the destination has changed, but she has.

Technically, this fic takes place over the course of a full year. It’s vaguely charted in the growth of the twins (again, tess, you can’t just assume everyone knows baby milestones). At the beginning, Padme is in a state of shock. And so is Obi-Wan…

Let’s get into the kiss.

In a fit of just, complete upset, Padme slaps Obi-Wan. And then she kisses him. She says she hates him. And he does nothing.

This takes place about thhhhhreeeeeeeee??? Months into their time on Tatooine, and for this whole time, Obi-Wan has really done nothing but exist on a cursory, polite surface level. He smiles because it is expected. He farms because he must. He wakes up and functions but he says absolutely nothing about what they’ve gone through.

And Padme cannot stand it anymore.

She feels like she’s on her own. And she tries to make him react. In this, I really wanted to show just how well suited Anakin and Padme were to each other. She likes Obi-Wan. She’s glad he’s with her, but she needs to see him hurt. Because she hurts. She absolutely takes it WAY TOO FAR.

Obi-Wan turns inward in his pain. Padme explodes outward.

Well, she wants to.

But she CAN’T. Because she has the twins.

Obi-Wan gets to be an automaton, but Padme has to be a mother. She has to engage with Beru and Owen. She has to negotiate at the market. She has to feed, and clothe, and raise her children. She has to BE PRESENT ALL THE TIME. She doesn’t get to be numb.

Is it a comment on the division of emotional labour between men and women? Yyyyyes? But not in a derogatory way. Obi-Wan went through the same thing when Anakin was little and Qui-Gon died, but the difference is this time, Obi-Wan doesn’t have the purpose Padme has. She has the twins. Obi-Wan feels he is entirely superfluous.

This is all related to those messy emotions Lauren and Steph mentioned and which I really love to write. People – even good people – can be ugly. I love it. I truly believe there are no bad emotions, no bad traits. Everything evolved to keep you alive, to protect you. Obi-Wan protects himself with little cruelties. Padme lashes out.

I’m so happy the I hate you moment hit! I thought it was so sick. Had to do it.

And emotions are also inconsistent, even if motivation or ideology remains stable. So like, the part where Padme looks at Obi-Wan sleeping and is very empathetic – she’s still centering herself. She’s looking at him from the perspective of a mother, and imagining his mother. She is kind and generous in her assessment of him and his suffering here, and at other times, but…

She’s very conscious of it. Obi-Wan is vulnerable in sleep. It’s easy to be kind then. And later, she has all of Anakin’s insight into Obi-Wan, and a lot more patience than Anakin ever had. She understands how Obi-Wan copes. She lets him do what he needs to.

But MONTHS pass. And she’s so tired of carrying it all. She runs out of patience.

Anyway.

Anakin betrays them. And Padme can do nothing.

Obi-Wan leaves. And Padme can do nothing.

Padme is so frequently stripped of agency by circumstance, and you’re right – in canon, she fights that! She leaps into the fray and takes control.

But she has twins now. Her purpose, but also her burden.

She can’t join the Rebellion. Where would they go? How would they live? Who would take care of Luke and Leia?

If they go to Alderaan, they put a huge target on Bail and intense scrutiny on the Rebellion. They also bring themselves into direct contact with the Empire. If Vader got even a hint that Padme lived he would not stop until she was in his custody. If he knew he had kids? If he knew they were with Obi-Wan? It’s way too dangerous. They are a huge liability. She is a huge liability.

As Luke says, if there’s a bright spot in the galaxy then Tatooine is the place that’s furthest from it.

Tatooine is SAFE. Vader won’t go there, and the Empire doesn’t care about it. Is it run by the Hutts? Yeah. But better Hutts than the Empire, especially because the Hutts don’t care about the little people living day to day. Padme can give the kids a quiet, boring life on Tatooine. She can keep them safe.

And as she sorted the seeds from the sand in chapter one, THAT is her priority. Her kids. They have no one else, and furthermore, if their existence were known they would be targeted, captured, and killed – or worse. She wants to join the Rebellion. She would. But she can’t because she needs to keep Luke and Leia safe.

While Obi-Wan’s reason for staying on Tatooine is a passing on of legacy, and setting down the burden of war (he’s done his time), Padme’s reason for staying is a reassessment of her priorities. Hers is a maturation of responsibility. Sometimes, we can’t do what we want. It sucks. But we’re adults.

“Living in Squalor” though made me LAAAAAAUGH! You’re so right.

Oh my gosh, she’s tandem carrying! That’s the term. Hahahaha, yeah, poor girl. Lots of tandem carrying, but once Obi-Wan’s back, they’re basically a two-parent household. Plus, the fic sees them building that community. There’s Korkie, there’s Boil, there’s Beru and Owen. Padme screams at Obi-Wan that she’s alone, but by the end she’s not.

And like, in terms of practicality, I think Owen? Obi-Wan? I think there’s mention of them “digging out the cellar”. The idea is that more than half the house is buried, but once they dig out the cellar and reinforce the walls down there, there’s a significant chunk of living space they can utitilise (ie. at least one, if not two bedrooms underground where it’s cooler like we see in the Lars house in ANH).

But yeah, babies in the haffa chest for now!

QUAINT CABIN NOT SQUALOR!

Lastly, Owen and Beru! Ahahahahaha, I’m so happy Lauren and Steph were charmed by them. And I love their insight on the inversion of protection. In canon, Obi-Wan is there protecting them, but in Eternal Spring, the Lars’ are very much protecting Obi-Wan (and Padme). I thought that was really insightful. God, I love clever readers!

I just quickly wanted to touch on Owen’s grudge against Obi-Wan because yeah, it’s totally silly. I imagine Owen as being very typically masculine, and Tatooine culture being pretty big into gender-roles, though the expression of those roles may not fall directly in line with gender presentation (but that’s another topic).

Anyway, Owen is a dude’s dude. A guy’s guy. You know - a Man™.

And Obi-Wan is………SO SOFT.

This dude comes into Owen’s house with Trauma. He’s soft-spoken, and polite. He doesn’t speak much, and when he does it’s with a cut-glass accent that sounds so out of place. He listens without interrupting, he doesn’t make ribald jokes.

And he’s got magic powers.

There are ten thousand Jedi in the entire galaxy. Owen met Anakin once, and he went off the deep end.

Obi-Wan freaks him out. He’s so weird. He is not the kind of person Owen knows how to deal with, and he’s certainly not the kind of guy Owen can relate to. And Beru says to be gentle. Gentle? On Tatooine?

As we see when he’s coaching Padme, Owen doesn’t believe that gentleness or mercy have any place out here.

The secret is, Owen’s SUPER SOFT underneath. And Beru knows this. Hence why she keeps encouraging Owen to take care of Obi-Wan, to bring him out to mingle with other people. Beru sees that Obi-Wan is collapsing in on himself, and is trying to get Owen to draw him out.

When he nearly dies, Owen is more angry that they almost died. Not at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is just a convenient punching bag because he doesn’t punch back. If he did, Owen would know how to respond – he’d buy him a drink, and shake his hand.

I think, underneath, Owen really likes Obi-Wan (and we see this at the end when he’s jealous that Obi-Wan went to visit his blood brother, AtasOWEN – an alternate Owen, and also a reference to the old Legends lore that Owen Lars was Kenobi’s half-brother). Owen wants to be Obi-Wan’s family, and he gives him the gift of brotherhood (he tells the whole town that they’re related to protect him, yes, but also because he’s claiming that title). It’s very much one of those “Hey! No one gets to pick on my idiot brother, except me!”

The same way he is gruff and blunt to Luke in ANH, Owen is the same way with Obi-Wan. “Too much of his father in him.” Too much of Anakin in everyone for Owen’s taste.

But that, again, is on the author to make clear! All these lessons. I’m so thankful that I had this opportunity to listen to such a generous and in-depth analysis of my fic. It’s been fun, informative, and genuinely really instructive in the most supportive and uplifting way.

I highly recommend everyone check out One Hell of a Fanfic here, or on Spotify. Thank you so much for reading my fic, and until next time…

May the Force be with you!

#my fic #podcast #star wars #fic rec #process and stuff #indulge me #padme lives au #Youtube

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cato-of-blamesociety · 1 year ago

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32 Weeks Tracklist/Song Picks pt. 2 (weeks 9-16)

How/Why did I choose/chose to use the songs I did

*Full breakdown, updated in real time(weekly)*

9. Hurt Feelings x Mac Miller

I have to be completely honest. I never was a fan/gave Mac a chance until after he passed. I had begun listening to Anderson.Paak. Going through his discography was so fun. I get to Oxnard and "Cheers" gives me chills. Q-tip is on here repping for Phife- Dawg and then Paak is pouring out his soul saying he misses his friend (Mac). From that point I made it a mission to check Miller out. I wasn't impressed at first. As a rapper (who started in middle school) I was shocked that this kid made it anywhere. I keep listening. I start to understand his concept, his target audience, and realize that he is developing into something major. Macadelic was interesting to me, as well as Watching Movies.... This time period in hip hop was weird to me at the time, but going back it all makes sense. I cringed my way through Faces...I hated it first because..spoiler we know how Mac goes out and he is taunting us through out this whole album(today, I understand/appreciate his work on that project and it is a big inspiration for me with 32 Weeks). Go:od Am was a fav, as he seems more healthy and is trying to get better. I fucked with that album heavy. Divine Femine was an instant classic. I shared with my wife and we enjoy it together. Now, I must add, during this dive into Mac's cuts, I also stumbled across Dissect Podcast. The guys on there broke down everything and made me truly feel closer to Mac's Swimming in Circles. I cried so much in the fall of 2021. I had been through hell, and his lyrics just made it all make sense. Fast forward to 2023. I knew I wanted to incorporate Mac's tracks in my project but didn't know where to start. I did know I did not want to fool with Self-Care. I landed on Hurt Feelings. This beat had me unleash my pent up frustrations in dealing with members of my group that weren't moving with the same pace as me. I get it, you aren't ready, but at the same time, don't bring yourself down. I truly wanted, especially one in particular, to just be ok with himself. I wanted him to know that yes, Cato is grinding, but it is for all of us. In the meantime, support me by answering the phone, sharing ideas, and take care of yourself. Unfortunately, a few days before this track was posted, another group member(my best friend) was in a fatal car accident. So now even though the song is suppose to be a pep talk, lowkey it now feels like a send off. I also recorded a 32weeks track to Mac's Wings...more on that when the time gets closer. Anyway, if you read all of this, I appreciate you. I hope you are enjoying 32 weeks, because like most hero journeys, it is only going to get more darker before the sun come out. "Took a snapshot of hope, put it in a frame. Reminding us that sunshine always follow rain. It is what it is, found purpose through my pain...ooooo, yeah, yeah." *also, try to pick out as many Mac lyric references as possible!!

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10. Ms. Mural x Lupe Fiasco

This verse started out as an oldie. I had never finished it. I had initially wrote it to a JID type beat on Youtube. When I was going through rhymes and searching more beats, I knew I wanted to incorporate Lupe Fiasco's Drill Music In Zion. There are so many sweet beats to choose from...however, 1. at the time it was hard to find other instrumentals from the album, and 2. Ms Mural had the right tempo, haunting-ness, and cadence for a verse about grief to be delivered. The album itself is of course fire. Lupe does a lot of stuff that I don't want to ruin here, but makes it worth a listen. Ms Mural is like the 3rd installment of the "mural" collection which makes it even more cooler. One thing I will spoil about the album is the fact that Lupe allows the beats to breathe. He knows when to not speak, when to just let the music speak to us. To me, its like he took his time, and was like "here you go little brother, vibe to this beat for a minute before it goes off". This felt like love and very much appreciated it. Not gone lie, the times he allows the beat to ride, had me in tears. Sh*t is beautiful lowkey. *Sidenote, this will drop 9/14, and we bury my friend on 9/18. Pain of loss is tricky. To those dealing with death right now, I hope you are taking care of yourself. If no one told you that they love you today, just know that I do!! #32weeks

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11. Massa x Tyler, the Creator

Ok, I used to be ashamed to say this but now Tyler actually confirms/validates me. I never was a fan of Tyler, or the Odd-future crew. I remember Yonkers dropping, and I heard the beat first. Definitely sick(in a good way lol). Then a co-worker showed me the video…my first reaction, ewwww! I knew that bug had to be fake…I was wrong. I just knew he was doing this all for clout/going viral. That part may be slightly true, however in “Massa” (and in several interviews) Tyler just flat says that he was going through his own development and really didn’t know how to express it. I mentioned before, that I am a huge fan of “Dissect Podcast”. Cole and the other talking head helped me understand Tyler’s direction/trajectory since stepping on the scene. They breakdown Flowerboy, and Igor and really help listeners grasp the major art this man is giving us. Call Me If You Get Lost was an instant hit/classic to me following the previous albums. He has DJ Drama on here doing his thing, Tyler is more on par with living his life and bettering himself, and is spitting some dope lines/bars. I knew that when I began 32 Weeks I needed a Tyler track. Several tracks on the album stuck out but there was something about the intro, and the way the beat comes in, with Massa that had me keep it on repeat. The opening lines I came up with were supposed to be super gritty and cheeky at the same time. On the project, death, and the fact that we can’t out run it, is heavily on this project and well…what happens after we die? The natural move was to begin talking about spirituality and how I or we, or people in general perceive God and religion. At this time, my son was truly asking about God and who that person is. He had been talking with a classmate and his friend actually shared his thoughts with my son. I chose to not mock or shut it down. I chose to expand on that knowledge. We had some great talks about it. I usually spoke freely about God in my music but at this point, not this extent, where I am on the skeptical/unsubscribed side of things. I started my own spiritual journey back in 2012, finally expressing to my mom in 2016 that I no longer follow Christ. Naturally she thought she made a mistake with me but that’s not true. Anyway, due to the people I know hearing this, and maybe thinking they knew me and now they may feel some type of way, has caused me to feel higher levels of anxiety. Since it dropped today (9/21/23) I already feel slightly better. I respect everyone’s beliefs, faith, and religion. But If you ask me why I feel like I do, I will tell you. Anyway, if you are reading this, thank you for spending your time with me. I love you and appreciate you.

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12. The Halo x Marconi Union

I have this weird thing were I can be inspired to write from any type of music. I actually fell in love with Marconi Union during my Graduate School years. I had been procrastinating on a 30 page paper that was due the next day or so. I was freaking out, high anxiety and the works. I remembered that someone had mentioned this track called Weightless. Weightless is/was known for relieving stress because its totally lofi, but also moves at 60 bpm which instinctively helps us slow down and relax. Weightless was so successful that fans were requesting a longer version. The band made an 8 minute version and a 30 minute version. On youtube you can find a 10 hour version(linked above)! Since then, I have fallen in love with their catalog. On a specific day during the 32 weeks writing phase, I had a rough morning with my oldest son. I can’t remember exactly what the issue was but the feeling left me empty, like doubting my abilities as a father. On the route to drop him and his brother off at school, I put on “Signals” the 2021 album released by Marconi Union. I was like ‘yeah that’s how it feels right now.” The Halo starts to play and I began humming along. Words began coming…”Even if I fly…I still fall..” “I knew that if I came with all the proof…” It was on this day I realized that I had the power to take an emotion and turn it into sound that can resonate with humans and connect us. I hope that the track makes up feel seen and understood. I hope that you realize you are stronger than you know/feel, and that even though we fall, we can always get back up. My favorite line: “Doubting all my might is like the crushing blow, won’t get back up this time..”. – This is a reminder that doubt kills dreams, don’t let it kill yours!

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13. Leslie Odom Jr x Wait For It (Hamilton Musical)

I know that people everywhere already remixed/redid/parodied/etc the Hamilton Musical. This is one is technically an older instrumental for me to use as well. However, when I was in the writing process for 32weeks, I was struggling to find the next instrumental, but I remembered this album and started listening more. Because I was late to the musical (I caught it on Disney plus when it was released on the platform in 2020) it still feels new to me. All I can say is Lin is a genius. In all the [cinematic] works that he has contributed to musically, you can hear his rhymes penetrate the material making it elevate to greatness. Hamilton has so many noteworthy tracks I wanted to use such as “Nonstop”, “Guns and Ships” or a huge favorite “The Reynold’s Pamphlet” but there is something about the tenderness, yet strength that operates on “Wait For It" that always moves me to tears…not really sadness, more like peace that somethings we just have to wait for. Leslie delivers an amazing performance that truly takes Lin’s words, and turns them into a mood worth revisiting. In this track, I breakdown the timeline of the inception of B.L.A.M.E. , the decline, and now resurgence of the idea. It is a reminder that this music is therapeutic, personal, and keeps me feeling gratitude that I can create.

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14. SZA x Kill Bill

Let's just clear the air right now....yeah everything I write is true, and to the best of my memories ability...especially when dealing with events that happened so long ago. This one was hard to write but before we dive into that, I want to acknowledge Sza. SOS has been viewed as a long awaited project and she totally delivers. The album is filled with awesome musicality's. Specifically, Kill Bill for whatever reason just laid on my heart. When writing 32weeks, this instrumental stuck out the most to me. I vibed with it. Those opening lines came to me easily, because I wanted to make it clear that I am happy with my life right now, and do not intend to try to revive old love lost. I believe if you pay attention, you can hear my honesty piercing through. I didn't want to hold back. A lot of the events or relations I discuss, could each have their own song. The longest one I talk about is the betrayal of a female friend who lied to her family that I slept with her, got her pregnant, and God knows what else, all to protect the parents' friend she was actually laying with. It hurt because I had no idea and people, such as a love interest, were mad at me for this and I was confused. I had been meaning for a long time to write about it, but the words never came out right. This time around I vomited it all out. Hell, I still have the Facebook messages of this person denying the info her brother gave me. In the end, the idea is to forgive, let live, and move forward. By writing all this out, and expressing hope that her and all the others find peace and happiness, has made me feel at peace myself. I can finally put that mess to rest. I am grateful for the woman I have in my life. If you are reading this just know that you are worthy of love, peace, and respect. Those young adult years get messy. My hope for you is that you navigate it all with courage and integrity. I hope you enjoy the visuals, and the music. If no one has told you today that they love you, I do!

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15. Vince Staples x Take Me Home

Look, ever since I got hipped to Mac, I got pulled into Vince Staples. The Stolen Youth tape introduced me to vince and of course his feature on FACES x Rain made me go back and chech his whole discography. When I caught up on Staples' work, I believe he was just then released/releasing his self-titled record,"Vince Staples" album. I played it just about everyday. I love his authencity as a person who really doesn't love being a "rapper" but rather sees it as a way to connect to creating a better life for him. He is pretty candid about it and I respect it because even though thats true, he still puts effort and honesty in his music. When I was writing 32Weeks I knew I would incorporate Vince in the mix. This album had many tracks I wanted to utilize but Take Me Home(start at 8.14 mark), just takes the cake. The instrumental always give me chills, and the opening line...I knew from the jump I was gonna flip it for myself. "I don't wanna die, but I will for the cause...". I switched it to "I don't wanna kill but I will for my loves". I set my intro as my family means alot to me, and I do what I have to to protect them. After that the verse started coming out of me as a moment to reflect on my childhood. This mostly encumbers issues of race, bullying, loss, fitting in, and just how it all progressed from elementary to high school. As far as track number, it sits right before the halfway mark, adding to the 2nd phase of #32weeks doubt, self pity, and really just the dark themes expressed and explored in phase 2. I visit another Vince track later in the tape and I can't wait to share it with you. The visuals in this release use imagery from John Wick, Us, Get Out, interviews with Wayne Brady/Michael Blackson, Big Mouth, and Coach Carter. If you are reading this, I appreciate your time and hope you are doing ok. I love you, and I hope you tell someone you love today, that you love too! We never know what people are going through, but when we have the love of others surrounding us, we feel like we can handle anything!

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16. J. Cole ft. 21 Savage, Morray x My Life

So....I don't know if J. Cole is my favorite rapper, however I do find myself revisiting his albums often. 2014 Forest Hills Drive was a turning point I really fell in love with this man's craft. I appreciated his shift in conscious, attempting to distribute a more positive and uplifting message in his music. Kendrick is one I feel has mostly focused on giving us the type of love in his music, specifically in his albums. Kendrick though, can kind of come off too complex/deep to point one may miss the message. Cole's approach is so laymen in approach that you can't miss the message but at the same time you still contemplate what he is getting at. 2021 was a rough year for me. Especially going into the fall school year, The Off Season presented so many affirmations and motivations for me to push harder to make it through. Tracks like Amari, hell the opening track ft. Cam'ron! Cam is an emcee I grew up listening to, had mad respect for, but haven't checked for in a while. Hearing his voice amp up Cole gave me chills. When I was writing 32weeks, I knew I would use a Cole beat...but which one?? I wanted it to me more recent, but like all tracks I use, I wanted it to be meaningful to me. On 'My Life', the opening lines of the sample, Cole talking about how we can't rush God, the way he opens his verse, and 21 Savage's flow all contribute to me falling hard for this track. So around my 14th/15th verse(I didn't necessarily write these in tracklist order that you come to know) I was really nervous and losing hope. Guys, I truly didn't think I could write 32 verses...especially in the time frame I set for myself. But then, I don't know what happened. I played this instrumental and I instantly heard in my head "Spiraling up, just like my ancestors DNA. Hashtag 32 weeks, my nigga we halfway!" Then the idea of using the length of the beat (just over 2 minutes) as a vessel taking me back in time to warn my younger self seemed like the right move. I mostly focus on the mistakes of not going all in with music, not seeing how much Erin truly was the one the whole time, and not standing on my own like I should have back then. I end the track with singing to my younger self that although things seem dark right now, listening to me now, things will workout. Unfortunately, I didn't heed those warnings. Sometimes we have to be hard headed and go through trials and tribulations in order to develop into the person we needed/were always meant to be. With all that said, I hope you feel this one. The relief I feel right now is the same sentiment it was when writing that 16th verse. Now, it has been the 16th video, and I feel like I can truly complete what I started. Besides, whether people see this or hear this, the goal is for me to do this for me....and I am!

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#tyler the creator #mac miller #lupe fiasco #marconi union #Youtube #hamilton musical #lin manuel miranda #leslie odom jr #sza #kill bill #Home #Vince Staples #Norf norf #jcole #mylife #21 savage

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