#yes this is a vent

[music4soul]

John and his father used to be thick as thieves before his parents divorced.

They’d play ball out in the front yard, stole freshly baked cookies from the tray(got popped for it), and loved reading old books. His father used to give him the ones he finished reading, and John would give him the ones he couldn’t understand so that he could help him to.

The days leading up to the divorce was messy; yelling almost every night, no dinner sometimes due to his mother being exhausted, his father leaving early afternoon and coming back shit-face drunk late mornings.

And the divorce itself was hell.

John’s father tried getting custody of him, fought tooth and nail for his son. Even tried alienating him from his mother too; would make him sit on the porch while he smoked a cigar and asked him about what kind of bed he’d want at his house and their daily fishing trips, and for a moment John considered it. Considered going to live with his father, waking up and being able to do whatever he’d like without any repercussions because what kid wouldn’t want that?

Until his mother fell ill and John was too anxious to leave her side for a single second. What if she stumbled one day and hit her head? If she cried because her migraines felt like a parasite was gnawing away at the tissue in her brain? If she didn’t eat or drink and just wilted away slowly while John was out doing fuck knows what?

When he made his decision, his father just went blank faced. Didn’t scream or cry or beg, just stood there and look at him, even when the boy tried to explain that he’d visit often. After that, his father just walked off their porch and never came back, no matter how many times John called and tried to plan a date for them to hang or just to check up on him.

And with time, their connection drifted apart.

John grew up into his teen years with a now healthy and happier mother who now takes up gardening and still bakes cookies that John still steals off the tray and gets popped for, and they like to watch shitty rom-coms for the hell of it every Friday just cause.

However, it’s not the same. Not the same as when his father was here doing it all with them, happy and careless. John’s mother mentions something about John talking to his father more, checking up on him here and there just to see how he’s getting along. Despite all he put her through, she still wants him to have a relationship with his father.

What a saint.

And John tries every once in a while. Calls him, even if their conversations are brief. Hugs him whenever they unexpectedly meet in a random place. Speaks when he comes over to the house to talk to his mother about getting back together after his many failed relationships(one of which the girl threatened to kill herself). But no matter how hard John tries, he still can’t help but feel awkward around his father now. Their connection had been long gone, broken the day he made the decision to stay with his mother instead of going with his father to ‘hold him down’.

He hates asking him for things too, makes him feel more and more like a burden within the passing years because each time he does he always gets a lecture on how ‘a phone works two ways’, and how John only speaks to him when he needs something, which is why he became so independent from a young age. Learned how to drive on his own, how to fix a tire, how to shave, how to make his own bank account, how to save. He did all that without asking, because asking means a lecture, and a lecture is obviously gonna be stemmed from another person’s displeasures about something you did, right?

Anyhow, both his parents are dead now, both buried in separate cemeteries next to different people they’ve known for a lifetime or have known for a week. And John can’t help but feel a lingering guilt as he stands at his father’s grace because— what was his last thought of his only son? Was it good? Was it bad? Was it damning? He also feels a whirlpool of lingering guilt when he doesn’t bother visiting his father’s grave unless he’s shit-face drunk and in need of comfort.

[whumperofworlds]

Make your whumpees ✨️ spiral ✨️

[sugar-sharkie]

Perspective

Sometimes, when judging a ship- it can be helpful to put the relationship into the character’s perspectives. If they were really in a relationship, and were met with the hate you give to them, how would they react?

…If not well- maybe its not worth hating them to begin with…

[silent0utspace]

*Sips name brand soda as I watch online friends not support abusive relationships as I look over half of my OCs relationships.*

[oogaboogaspookyman]

What if i posted my nsfw here?

...

Nah i still got a semblance of lucidity and control to not do that, also the self imposed promise to just. Not post it, keep it to myself

[todarknessitfalls]

……

[the-soul-detectives]

Why is it raining? I did everything I was supposed to.

[nolongerphantom]

Tomorrow's announcement day.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Outie Dylan, swallowing his pride and deciding to tell his innie that he’s actually pretty cool despite the wife smooching debacle: I’m proud of you and while I’ll respect your decision if you want to resign I think you should make it work there because I don’t want you to die

Dylan G: *immediately hits his boss with a vending machine*

[picatchu]

[spilledinkandtearstainedpages]

I’m doing this now because I’m ✨unmotivated✨ and my mental health is ✨declining✨ (and I procrastinate too much)

Green means completed, orange means I’m completing them, and white means not yet completed

5 notes - eat a tiny snack (can’t be too much, still punishing myself)

10 notes - I’ll brush my teeth (toothpaste blegh)

30 notes - I drink a new record by the end of the day: 16 oz of water

50 notes - I’ll stay clean for a week

70 notes - try to look for the bright side of life

75 notes - I post a new chapter to my story

100 notes - I’ll post a few of my poems and link my ao3 story with more poems

450 notes - I tell my friends about my gender and body dysmorphia

500 notes - I’ll clean my room (or do my best to)

750 notes - I tell my closest friends about my self inflicted punishments

850 notes - I drink 24 oz of water

900 notes - I post all the chapters I have already written

1000 notes - I try a new food

1050 notes - I start answering the asks in my inbox

2000 notes - I tell my friends about my real name and the pronouns I want

2500 notes - I complete one of my WIPs

5000 notes - I tell my friends and my dad about my eating disorder

8000 notes - I’ll stay clean for a month

10000 notes - I make an eating schedule

20000 notes - I go shopping to get new clothes

[misterdoctorbitchcraft]

who suffered more: Jesus Christ (died on the cross) or me (I just want a lil kiss)

[shotgunwedding-inhell]

i wish i saw less "cutesy" transmasc rep. write about dudes who don't care enough to clean their period stains out of their boxers and just throw them in the wash. show me guys who get told they look like they're on their way to an AA meeting. dudes who smoke more than they should and sleep in a ratty sports bra they don't wash enough because they can't bear to sleep without it. where's that rep.

[expressionless-fr]

me when ppl can draw pretty art and have the motivation to draw and can draw pretty art and can draw themseves w their favs or just draw their favorite things

i don't have enough patience.

[brookshusband]

do any other Selfshippers get really anxious that they aren't making enough content but also at the same time too frightened to post because what if I post too much and annoy my mutuals or they hate the things I make?

[jewreallythinkthat]

The transition a large swathe of people have made from "this cause is righteous therefore it is would just of me to support it" to what we have now which is "I am just therefore any cause I support is righteous " has done irreparable damage to online discourse, and frankly it's dones irreparable damage to people's ability to critically think or discuss literally anything