#yes the surname is me being funny sh

[thelearnedsoldiertoo]

Elizabeth 'Bess' Sherman

By the always-incredible @cadhla182, have my Fallout OC, Lieutenant Bess Sherman, NCR Tank Commander of the snarkily-named Bull-Baiter, a refurbished pre-war M4 Sherman, so-named because it's commanded by a woman against Caesar's Legion; she was originally infantry before being shot through the leg and left for dead by Legion troops in an ambush in 2277; she transferred to tanks to continue to fight with her disability.

This piece has Bess opening the engine block of her baby to do some maintenance, and I absolutely love how my dorky sweetheart came out! Tysm Cadhla!!!

[script-nef]

An actual break | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

2.6k words; Beach date [4/6]

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You haven’t been to the beach in months. So a car trip for hours, where you can blank out and peer out of the window to enjoy the wonderful and ever-changing scenery is amazing. Dipping your feet in the water or eating from food vendors or enjoying the warm summer sun on your skin. Perhaps getting a tan if the weather is perfect. This would all be perfectly enjoyable and possible.

If it wasn’t for work.

“[Surname]-san, why are you coming with us? You said you can’t fight.” Itadori calls from the backseat, nestled not-so-comfortably between Fushiguro and Kugisaki. 

Wouldn’t it be better if Kugisaki is in the middle since she’s the smallest and the skinniest? The thought drifts into your head but you soon understand why. As soon as the words leave his mouth it’s met with a firm and resounding slap on the arm. Itadori’s yelp of pain is silenced under her hiss of “God, you’re so tactless! Now move over, it’s getting cramped with all of the bags.” Ah, she didn’t want to sit in the middle. And what bags? I didn’t bring any.

They keep their banter up and a quick glance to both Gojou and Fushiguro indicates that they have no intention of stopping it. Gojou is actually humming through the bickering. Why do I have to be the adult? He’s like, 5 years older than me. That’s literally what he said as the reason to drive instead of you. 

“It’s fine, Kugisaki-san. I’m coming along because there’s been a lot of cursed spirit activity around here and I need to see if something abnormal is happening. I’m not going to get in the way of the fight so you don’t need to worry.” You send Itadori a smile through the back mirror which he responds with a quick nod, then a confused look.

“Isn’t that Gojou-sensei’s responsibilities?” The mentioned adult laughs and smoothly makes a right turn. You want to slap him.

“Normally, yes, but he insists on being insufferable.” You turn to face them, leaning onto the seat with a scowl. “The report he made was nearly illegible and last time something like this happened, and I had to sit down with him for 3 hours to complete it. Even then, he was going off topic half the time and trying to distract me. Itadori-kun, Kugisaki-san, listen to me. If he doesn’t do his work, you have to practically force him.”

“Doesn’t work.” Fushiguro comments while looking out the window. Gojou has the audacity to laugh again.

“We had a great time! You were laughing your head off by the time we were done.” A light tug on your shirt makes you sit back properly. The scowl stays in place.

“I missed dinner! And I missed the last episode of Haikyuu thanks to that!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll take it up by buying you dinner, okay?” He must be kidding if that makes up for missing your favourite anime. Kuroo came and went thanks to him. The car comes to an abrupt stop just as you’re about to complain again. “We have arrived!”

Salt wafts in the air as the sea twinkles underneath the afternoon sun. It’s hot today, and humid enough to make your clothes stick to your skin, which is gross. Sunny and warm means a swim will be ideal, but you have to take care of the whole recurring curses thing first. Previous reports have said that they were all mid-level, so hopefully Gojou’s students won’t have that much of a problem taking care of them. That also means they, including you as well, might have the opportunity to relax for the rest of the day. 

The actual spot is somewhere in the nearby forest, filled thick with trees and so large that even if someone went missing it would take ages to search. An ideal hunting place since a lot of people visit there. Numbers dropped quite a bit after the fifth person “went missing”. 

The first task is to cover the place with a curtain. Since the place is so large and not encompassing the entire place was deemed too risky, large amounts of cursed energy is required. Hence Gojou’s efforts right now.

“[Name]-san.” Kugisaki calls you. “Are you coming in with us?” Her voice is tentative, like she doesn’t want to offend you. It’s kind of funny because she shows more respect for you than her actual teacher for some reason. Gojou complained about it before. She doesn’t know the extent, or more accurately the lack of, your powers and has a right to be worried. All she knows is that you can’t fight. 

“Ah, I am coming in, but I’ll stay far away from the fight. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“And I’ll be right by her side!” Gojou snaps into thin air, linking his arm with yours.  “Your personal bodyguard! But I’m sure you guys can handle this one.” Still humming a tune, he sends them along their way with a reassuring smile. You smile at Kugisaki and wish her good luck. Shooting Gojou a suspicious glare, she runs ahead to the two boys and starts whispering. They look back at the two of you and get into what seems to be an argument. A bad thing to do right before a possibly life-threatening mission.

You watch the group disappear deeper into the woods, fear gripping at your heart. This is actually the first time in the field after years of being tucked away in an office. Ken-chan specifically requested it due to your unique cursed energy situation. Apparently that was the first time he asked for a favour to the principle and he never asked for anything again. They can handle themselves, you’re sure, but Itadori already had a close call.

“Worried?” Gojou, on the other hand, sounds like he has no concerns in the world. Maybe that’s a testament to how much he trusts his students. It doesn’t alleviate your agitation. “It’s fine, we can just take a break here and if trouble comes, they can take care of it themselves.” You stare at him incredulously. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I’ll step in if something goes wrong. You’re all in safe hands.”

There is no one better than him in terms of fighting with cursed energy. How on earth someone like this gets imbued with endless power, you’ll never know. Sighing, you take a seat on a fallen log. The moss on them tickles your fingers. It feels nice, something to distract you from your brain being its usual bastard and thinking the worst case scenario. Gojou plops himself down right next to you. 

“We can go see them if you’re that worried, mother hen.” Nudging his leg shuts him up. Closing your eyes, you concentrate on reaching out for their cursed energy. Eight signals flicker from where they went, three blazing stronger than the others. One of them is nearly blinding. Sukuna is on a completely different level. If there’s that much of a difference in energy, they’ll finish soon and come back to have fun for the rest of the day. God knows they need it.

Your eyes flit open and come face to face with Gojou’s blindfold. It causes you to fall backwards and you brace for impact with a little yelp. But Gojou’s arm surrounds your abdomen, lifting you into the air and onto your feet. Heartbeats thud in your ears thanks to the sudden adrenaline boost.

“Did I scare you?” His laugh is cheeky. “I’m bored… Wanna play 20 questions?” As usual, his train of thought is impossible to even attempt to follow. A window of hundreds of tabs wrestling to be the first all the time is probably what the inside of his mind looks like.

“Sure, why not.”

Fushiguro, Itadori and Kugisaki all perk up when they receive the news of a day off to enjoy the beach. Since it’s closed off to the civilians, it’ll be like a private party. Something to keep their mind off of another mission that’s bound to come soon.

While they run off to the beach, you go to talk to the park rangers for the paperwork. Gojou asks if you want company but someone needs to supervise the children. The process takes barely 10 minutes anyway.

When you come back to the beach, the trio is screaming in the sea while trying to fight each other. Even Fushiguro is laughing. Childlike innocence is beautiful and long overdue. Two huge parasols and towels are laid out nearby where they’re playing. Gojou is out of his usual attire and in a swimming trunk. His blindfold is still on. Is this what was in the bags?

Now that you look more closely at the students, they’re all in swimwear as well. Looks like you’re the only one that didn’t get a memo. 

“Heya! Done?”  

“No thanks to you, Mr The-Whole-Reason-I’m-Here-In-The-First-Place.” He laughs at the nickname. 

“You should change.”

“I didn’t bring a swimsuit. Nobody told me and I was just thinking of dipping my feet.”

“Nobara brought you one. It’s in the bag labelled ‘If you look inside I’m going to kill you.’” Laughter comes out at the absurdity.

“Why did Kugisaki—”

“Because she wants you to relax. Now come on! Let’s have fun!” he pushes you excitedly towards the car. It’s really weird how someone your senior has more energy than you and his three students combined. Sighing, you trek back and find the bag. It really is labelled that, in caps. Kugisaki is a good kid. 

There’s a bathroom nearby for you to change in. The wind is still pretty strong when you walk out but you’re saved thanks to the school jacket. There’s also a pair of flip-flops. Ken-chan must have helped since they all fit perfectly. 

Itadori is being half-drowned when you come back. Fushiguro and Kugisaki are merciless when it comes to fighting. Gojou smiles as you walk into his line of sight. Scooting over to let you into the shade, he lies back onto the towel and stretches his legs out into the sun with a slight groan. You stay sitting up, watching the three children absentmindedly. 

Sunlight tickles your feet. The sea breeze stops it from being too hot but it’s slowly getting stuffier under the jacket. Quickly discarding it, Gojou catches your eyes while you fold it up.

It’s impossible to tell if he’s awake or sleeping thanks to his signature blindfold, but this is the most relaxed you’ve seen him in years; hands folded behind his head and muscles completely loose. Small scars dot his body, probably gained from fights which he deemed insignificant enough to bother Shouko with or heal himself. In a way, it’s a reminder for all the battles he’s survived. Pretty easily too, you’re guessing. There’s a deep one on his stomach and your hand moves towards it for some reason.

Long fingers intercept your hand just before it touches the scratched skin, entwining themselves to you. One end of Gojou’s lips quirks up. 

“I’m going to be embarrassed if you keep looking at my body, you know.” You immediately attempt to rip your hand back but he’s got you locked tight. He’s not even using Infinity. Heat threatens to explode your face because he’s been awake all this time and you’re going to die from shame. “If you wanted to touch me then you could have just asked.” Your fingers graze against the skin on his stomach for a split second but he loosens his grip and you will be damned if you don’t take that chance. 

Gojou cackles, enjoying your flustered state, and he’s halfway to suffocation because he’s laughing too much. His instincts still allow him to move out of the way for your punch. Doesn’t stop him from laughing though. Even his students, who were screaming and playing like they didn’t have a care in the world, are looking at the two of you. God, where’s a hole for me to die in right now?

Eventually, his laughter dies off. He’s still chuckling though. His teeth glint in the light as he gives you a wide smile. A sense of foreboding washes over you. 

“Up we go!”

“What?” Two arms hook under your knees and back, lifting you effortlessly into the air. Your body bounces in his arms every time he takes a step closer to the sea.

“Wait Gojou, wait wait wait wait!” 

“Gojou-sensei wai—” 

The water is freezing. 

“Gojou Satoru, I’m going to kill you!”

“That’s admirable! I’m sure you can do it!” Fushiguro snickers as you swipe an arm at Gojou, who moves away effortlessly again. Hair is plastered to your face and this rage is not going to subside unless you rip the blindfold off his smirking face and dunk his head into the water. But he keeps dodging you, just barely, as if to taunt you further.

Exhaustion sets in quickly since moving around in water is a lot harder and anger eats away at your stamina. Just as you’re about to give up, Gojou’s face is slapped with a wave of water. Everyone looks to Kugisaki. She has the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Pfft.” Fushiguro’s laughter breaks the silence. Itadori snickers at Gojou’s drooping hair. Soon everyone’s laughing. Then Gojou whips water that hits all three of them straight in the chest with a resounding smack. They immediately retaliate with a wave that you get caught up in. 

It somehow turns into a students vs adults fight. Delighted laughter echoes in the air as everyone yells and shrieks when assaulted with icy water. There’s an unspoken rule to not use cursed energy, which is why your side is being pushed back. There’s no beating three excited kids when they’re on a holiday high. 

Backtracking a bit to get away from the constant surges of water, you don’t realise you’re going deeper and deeper into the sea. A rock shifts underneath your feet and you’re plunged into the cold grips of the sea, not even given enough time to call for help. Panic overtakes your senses as you squeeze your eyes shut, hands scrambling for something to hold onto. 

“[Name]!” Warmth engulfs you as Gojou lifts you out of the murky depth, worry and dread weaved into his voice. You blink rapidly as he gently brushes the hair off your face, and you see his eyes without the blindfolds for the first time. “Look at me, are you alright?”

They’re… indescribably beautiful. It’s the purest and translucent blue you’ve seen in your life, able to beat the colour of the ocean or the sky on its clearest days. It could compete with even the most exquisite sapphire locked up in a vault underground. And they’re clouded with concern and fear because of you.

“[Surname]-san!” Bringing yourself up by hugging Gojou’s neck, you see the trio wading through the water to you, dread clear on their faces. Itadori reaches you and rapidly asks if you’re fine and that he can’t possibly describe how sorry he is. It looks like he’ll dig his head into the ocean floor if you ask him to do it. Like he’s waiting for you to reprimand him.

But all that comes out is laughter, bright and childlike. They all look at you like you’re crazy. You have no idea why you’re laughing either. Maybe you’ve finally gone insane.

But being in Gojou’s arms, seeing his and Itadori’s face relax, brings you so much happiness. Tightening your arms around Gojou’s neck, you rest your head on top of his as he calms them down. 

Maybe it’s the adrenaline from nearly drowning, maybe it’s something else, but your heart thumps rapidly into your ribcage, probably loud enough for him to feel.

Next chapter →

[sakurahane]

⚠️BSD thoughts -spoilers!! -⚠️ don't read if u had not read all the chapters published (ch.76/89)

I just need to speak about my feelings cause of the whole amount of stuff I have read so plz be patient and support me plz and thanks cause I'm having a mental breakdown

Ok first of all.... I wanna go on with order.

When I was at this point I was like " O M G please love yourself Sigma cause U NEED love like A LOT, they were just using u and u don't deserve this" I was a lot like this. Plus, when I had read that he has been created by that DAMN page (I mean THANKS GOD it exists otherwise Sigma wouldn't exist but GNE) I was like "YES OMG Y E SSSSSSSSSS I KNEW ITTTTTTTTT"

Cause when I've read that Sigma suffered from amnesia I was like....ah...uh...nope, there's more bout this cutiepie and in fact Y E S. He's so precious sjsbjebs

In this page I was like..no...I mean...yes I've cried even if I knew he would have not died cause, it wasn't the scene of a real death (if u pass years reading books you understand better during a situation if a character really die or will reappear later...at least I do) but still my kokoro was so brokoro and ...I just wanna he to be happy and safe. Really this man deserve the whole world. Dbhsbdsh 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 also, I'm scared if the page will be destroyed or something, he would suffer or disappear or...idk I'm scared of this ;^; hope nothing will happen to him.

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Another topic...

This. Man. IS. A. BITCH. like u know, he is a really well written character, for real. He is just amazing cause all the traits of his behavior are always able to surprise you, cause meanwhile you read u are not able to stop cause u wouldn't know what he would do next or how fast and I was like W O W.

But still...he is a bitch. Like a really...idk how to express myself properly but I wanna stab him thousands times and more and I wanna chuuya to throw him away or something like this. I wanna a really bad future for him however. Sorry if u like him but he hurted my Ryu and a lot of people and I just wanna him to die. Yes this is exactly how I felt when I saw...

THIS.

....guys u don't know how badly I like Akutagawa( yeah I know his name is Ryunosuke and Gin is his sis but I always call him by his surname sorry), so when I saw this I was literally desperate. You know when you throw away the phone and wanna stay in silence and cry like if you are at someone's funeral after reading something like this? Exactly. This was me.

Also when Aku said to Atsushi that there was no a lot of time left for him due to his lungs problem...I had literally said "nope cutie nope...u will find a cure and be just fine cause I have decided this and YOU WONT suffer anymore" ....yeah this is before I saw this scene of him laying down cause of that moron with mustaches.

I don't think he was really dead...cause here also...idk there something left behind( and if he is I'm gonna fly to Japan or wherever the mangaka is and speak one or two words with him).

But when I saw Bram Stoker I was like...Oh sh** wtf owo" also a vampire issues now perfect...

But I can't help but like him. Lololol idk there's something funny bout him on a sword lololol (I'm weird sorry)

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

The last topic is...

Yeah this scene. Higuchi is always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Poor this cutiepie ;^; I really like her cause I really see me through her; I probably had been acted the same way after not seeing senpai for a lot...

This scene is really beautiful and romantic <3 I don't think Aku will ever show feelings for her but hope so. Hope at least he will treat her a lil better poor sweetie.

In this scene I was like " OMG AKU BUT U R ALIVEEEEE" then I remembered that vampire scene and " but...whoa whoa whoa what the hell HIGUCHI STOPPPPPPPP"

Also HEREEEEEEEEEE, She was about to CONFESS HER FEELINGSSSSSSSSSS and my stomach here was like BDBSHDBSJDBSJDBSHSB due the emotions and omgggg, I really hoped some miracle like, him being normal and listen to her but...I know something bad was about to happen (poor higuchi ;^;)

Higuchi face here is literally like " What. The. Hell."

But Akutagawa is so hot even in this situation just whyyyy

So, to finish. We had now a vampire pandemic stuff in circolation starting from mafia. And the page issue to prove agency's innocence. We miss just...idk Dazai getting trapped and we r done guyz. ...omg hope this won't happen since I said it ⊙▂⊙

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

I know u needed this. Look at this with the song "Ride it" on and it will be just purrfect. Trust me dears. ε=(｡♡ˇд ˇ♡｡）

[1787americanrevnerd]

The Life of Rebecca Barnes

Sorry if the dates are wrong, I tried my best to do the math.

The Howling Commandos had finally tracked down the only living family of James Barnes. James never talked about his personal life before the war to any of the Commandos and he really only talked to Steve. And since the Barnes' family is very closed off, it was hard to find James's family to offer condolences. He had died a while ago in the Swiss Alps, the army was going to send a letter but the Commandos thought it would be better to say it in person.When they came to the small apartment in NYC and knocked on the door they were not expecting a young girl with three other kids clinging onto her. The girl had frizzy, curly, hip-length dark brown hair. The Commandos knew this was the right house because the girl had the same smile as James.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" she asked. Dum Dum spoke next, "Is it okay if we come inside we worked with James." The girl nodded and ushered them inside. "Rikki, who are these people," asked a little girl with dirty blonde hair and green eyes. "Well, Lizzy these are some of Jamie's friends." Rikki picked up Lizzy and put her on her hip. "Is Stevie coming?" The Commandos felt guilty at the question Lizzy asked, Steve died the day previous."Anyway, what brings you to my apartment?" asked Rikki. "Well we are looking for a Rebecca is she home?" said Gabe Jones. "Oh, that's me, Rikki's a nickname my stupid brother gave me when we were kids." The Commandos now felt even more saddened by the news they were about to give the Barnes family. "Could we talk in private," one of the Commandos asked Rebecca.

Rikki led them into a separate room so that they could talk privately. "So why are you at my house?" asked Rikki. The Commandos knew that they should rip the bandaid off but it's still difficult to take off the bandaid. "Rikki that's a funny nickname," said Jim trying to start a conversation. "Yeah, I would always try to annoy my brother by calling him Jamie because he didn't like to be called, and I quote, "A name meant for a girl" so I always called him Jamie. He then started to call me Rikki since it sounds like a boy's name. And it just kind of stuck.""Ms. Barnes we have some unfortunate news to tell you," said Jack. Rebecca stiffened, "Is Jamie okay?" All of the Commandos looked down and Rebecca gasped. "He died in action, we were ambushing a train in the swiss alps and your brother fell off the side. He died fighting, I'm sorry for your loss," said Gabe. "Why isn't Steve here telling me this then?" questioned Rebecca. "Steve died crashing a plane into the ice in order to save millions," explained Dum Dum. They tried to say nice things to her like, "It's okay." "They died for a greater cause" but with every word Rebecca got angrier. Rebecca stood up and wiped off her tears, " No it's not okay my brothers died! For you people, and then you start saying meaningless words to me about it. Get out, get out of my house goddamn it!" The Commandos left silently not wanting to upset Rebecca further.

Rebecca went to her siblings, "I have some bad news, Stevie and Jamie died in the war." Lizzy and Martha went quiet and Linda, who was only a baby, started to cry. Rebecca wanted to cry too, but she had to stay strong like Jamie always did.Once the kids went to bed Rebecca dropped on the floor and started crying. "We can't even bury a body," she said over and over again. Jamie was always so full of life it's hard to imagine him dead. Deep down inside Rebecca believed that he was not dead, they had always had a twin-like bond, even though there was a 3 year age difference, meaning that they always knew what the other thought and the other well-being. Rebecca Barnes hated the people responsible for her brother's death and Rebecca needed to bring them to justice.

One Year Later

Rebecca wanted to do something worthwhile and she thought joining the S.S.R. was the only way to do so. Rebecca had good grades and experience with things the S.S.R did. She had taken criminology and forensic science in school and had just finished her combat training.When she was in the office and the man put down her file her looked up at her and said, "Why should we hire you?" he asks. Rebecca thinks about it and says, " I want to make the world a safer place and-" The man cuts her off, "No, no, no, I mean why would we hire you a woman. We already have Margret." Rebecca stands up and slaps her hands on the table, "Listen here you short sexist piece of sh*t, if a man came in here with the file I have I know for a fact you would hire him. Also, it is my human right to be able to work if I want to, I'm leaving so give me a letter when you make up your mind."

As she stormed out she was cut off by Margret Carter, "I agree with what you said about the chief being a short sexist," she didn't finish her sentence being a proper lady. Rebecca however was not, "Piece of sh*t." Peggy nodded. "I know a great Diner around here would you like to go once my shift is over?" Rebecca didn't have many friends this would be good for her. "Sure I would love to."

When they went to the diner Peggy led them to a booth and she sat down. "So what's your name?" asked Peggy. Rebecca hadn't even realized that they didn't know each other's names. "Rebecca Barnes," she said simply. Peggy froze at the surname remembering someone who was lost in the war. "Peggy Carter," Peggy said thinking that Barnes was a very popular surname it could be a whole other family.

"Do you have any siblings?" Peggy asked. "I have three younger sisters, Elizabeth, Lidia, and Margret. And I ha- had one brother, James," answered Rebecca. Peggy was now sure that this is the sister of James Buchanan Barnes. "What about you do you have any siblings?" asked Rebecca in return. "Yes I also had an older brother," replied Peggy. "I'm sorry for your loss," replied Rebecca. "It's okay, it was a long time ago." Rebecca was very easy to talk to, and she wasn't like the people Peggy was usually drawn to. She was far from a proper lady, she sat like someone who was not taught proper edict, and she was wearing pants. Not pants made for women but pants that probably belonged to a man at some point. "Your pants where did you get them?" Peggy asked. "They're hand-me-downs, from my brother. Money was never tight at my house but it just made me feel more normal, you know wearing hand-me-downs like most other younger siblings. Anyway enough about me, what's your deal?"

"I have worked in the SSR for a long time and I didn't get many jobs or respect until the war when I helped with Project Rebirth. After the war, well I turned into the secretary. I want to show people that I can do just as much as a man can and that I didn't just become an Agent because there weren't enough men to do the job. Why are you here?" Rebecca knew her answer, " You might not like it or agree with it but, I want to take down the people that hurt me and so many families. I don't want anyone else's brother to die because of a war. And the only way to do that is to rid the world of insane people who want to take over the world." Peggy nodded, "Well seeing as we will be the only women in the department I look forward o filing papers with you and hopefully putting "villains" in jail." Rebecca smiled and took a sip of her water, this felt like a good thing.

2 years later

It was Rebecca's first mission, there was no one left to do it. She had to take down some drug dealers. When she got to the location something was wrong the drug dealers were there all right but there were other people there. They had the HYDRA symbol on their jackets. Oh, how stupid had we been to think that if we killed the leader that they would die she thought. She had to move closer to get a better look.

She went up in the vents in order to hear and see everything clearly. Unfortunately, the vents were not very strong and she fell from them. The drug dealers left and the HYDRA soldiers pinned her to the ground. "Let's see who you are," the soldier said as he reached for the dog tags she wore. "These say, James Barnes, you can't be him. You must be his sister but which one? Are you Martha, Lidia, or maybe Elizabeth? Wait you are in your twenty's oh yes you must be Rebecca. Your brother's favorite."

"What are you going to do to me now that I know you still exist?" she asked. "Nothing, we know that you will be too scared to tell. Now run along and don't come back. She ran back not wanting to die. But she will tell people about Hydra.

Once she was out of earshot the soldier said, "Send the Winter Soldier after her. We can't have her knowing about us, or him."

---------------------------------------------------------------------Rebecca was on a date with her boyfriend of one year, William Proctor. They had stayed at Rebecca's house since they were an interracial couple so no one would serve them at restaurants. "So how was work today?" asked William. "It was good," lied Rebecca. She still hadn't told him about her real job he thought she was working at a DMV. "You're lying, you always take a sip of your wine and look left when you lie," said William. If he wasn't catching her lie Rebecca would have thought that it was very sweet that he notices the small things about her. "It wasn't the best but, I did get to try something different. William, I don't work at the DMV, I'm working at the S.S-" at that moment a metal hand went through the wall.

It was a man dressed in what seemed to be kevlar, he had a district metal arm, and was wearing a mask. Or a muzzle, part of Rebecca thought. "Is this someone from work?" asked William sarcastically. "Yeah, I was trying to track down some drug dealers, ran into HYDRA. I guess they sent their puppet after me," she replied. The man didn't like her comment very much because he started to attack her. Rebecca blocked most of his punches until his knife cut into her right shoulder, he then pulled it down to her wrist causing a massive cut along her arm. "Rebecca are you okay?" asked William from where he was standing in the kitchen. "Yeah just throw me a wrench or a knife!" yelled Rebecca. She had an idea, it might not be great and was based on a very flimsy theory but she wanted to try nonetheless. Once, William passed her a long kitchen knife she tried to shove it into one of the slots on the metal arm. She was successful she then twisted them with great struggle though since the man was trying to kill her. William came from behind and put two more objects in the man's metal arm. By this time Rebecca had already done quite a bit of damage. Knowing that he would lose the man left. Rebecca then collapsed in William's arms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------"So how did you really cut the entirety of your right arm?" asked Peggy. "What do you mean? I was in a car crash and I cut myself on the window," answered Rebecca. "That's absolute rubbish, you're a great driver. Also, you're a terrible liar," Peggy told her. Rebecca sighed, "A man broke into my house, probably working for the people I "met" a few days back, he cut my arm." Peggy nodded, "What did he look like maybe I know about him." Rebecca thought back to the most distinct thing about him, "He a metal arm for his left arm." Peggy's eyes widened, "People have been talking about him, civilians I mean, a man with a metal left arm comes up at least once with every political murder after the war. People started to call him the Winter Soldier, the S. S. R. has been looking into him for a while now, but nothing comes up, he's like a ghost." Rebecca smirked, "Well then it must be a miracle that I'm still alive."

2 years later

This was Rebecca's first mission since she found out she was pregnant. She and William had decided that William would stop working, he didn't like his job much anyway. Rebecca almost got fired because the S. S. R. didn't want to pay for her maternity leave. She told her boss that she wouldn't take the leave, her husband (they aren't technically married but they have known each other for three years) would be home taking care of the child. She still went on missions since she only had a small baby bump. Nothing dangerous though, just a stakeout with Peggy and Howard. She told them about HYDRA well, she told Peggy and Howard overheard. She and Howard didn't get along, he was egotistical and cocky, two traits Rebecca hated. Howard had an equal despise for her, she was too reckless, something that wasn't always a good thing.

HYDRA was loading a truck nothing too interesting until the Winter Soldier came out to help them. He doesn't have his mask on but he was far away so no point in trying to figure out who he is, thought Rebecca. "Hey he kind of looks like Barnes," pointed out Howard. "I'm right here Stark, " growled Rebecca. "No, I mean your brother," explained Howard. Peggy leaned forward and squinted her eyes, "I mean from a distance." Rebecca laughed, "Why would Jamie be working for HYDRA? Also, my brother is incredibly vain, there is no way he'd let his hair get like that!" Peggy nodded then looked at Howard, "She has a point." Howard thought for a minute, "Maybe they put his brain in a blender?" Rebecca looked sick, "Please stop." Howard did, there were only a few things Howard was afraid of, and one of them was an angry Barnes.

3 years later

Rebecca had just had her second child, Myla, and she was already worrying. Her son, James, was a tiny terror she hoped that he didn't rub off on Myla. James had skin a little darker than Rebecca's, he had Williams nose and eyes, everything else about his completion looked closer to Rebecca. Kyla had very dark skin, she also had curly brown hair like her mother, she had her grandfather's eyes, and had Rebecca's jawline. Rebecca felt bad that none of them would ever meet their Aunts and Uncles since both Rebecca and William's family did not agree with the pairing. Rebecca felt especially bad that the one Uncle who would love to meet the kids couldn't be there. She and William had bought a small three bedrooms one bathroom house, because of the new family edition. All in all, Rebecca couldn't wait for the adventures to come with her family.

12 Years Later

Peggy had brought Rebecca to a diner to talk. "I and Stark have started something, called S.H.I.E.L.D. it's basically the S. S. R. but private would you like to join us. Rebecca nodded furiously, "Of course, I've been meaning to get out of the S. S. R. and I'm sure anything you're founding has to be worth it." Peggy laughed, "So what do you say we go and hand in our letters of resignation." Rebecca got up from the table excited to have a new beginning.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Seriously though Stark, why haven't you found someone yet. You're almost 43, times running out," said Peggy. "Look not all of us want to get married and have kids super young like Ms. I'm Fine over there," retorted Howard. "What do you mean young? I was 29 when I had James, and 32 when I had Mayla," said Rebecca. "The point still stands and I'm in a relationship now and it's going great," states Howard. "What's her name?" asked Peggy. "Maria, speak of the devil, I have a date with her. Nice talking to you ladies." Rebecca scoffed, "Let's hope this one isn't insane."

5 Years Later

"Top of the class aye?" asked Rebecca. Mayla blushed, "Yeah which means that I can choose any job I desire." Rebecca smiled, "What do you want to do then?" Mayla looked down, "Well I already applied for a job at S.H.I.E.L.D. and they hired me so I guess that." Rebecca was a little confused as to why her daughter would go behind her back on this one. "I just didn't want people thinking I got the job because of Aunt Peggy. I'll be working in the science division so I don't want people thinking I'm just dumb and spoiled." Rebecca laughed, "No one will think that you graduated top of your class from college when you're 19."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That same year Anthony Stark was born, Howard was nervous. He was worried that Tony would turn out like him, Peggy worried the same thing. Rebecca tried to tell Howard that Maria was a good lady, she probably toned down the Stark genes in that kid.

21 Years Later

William had come to pick Rebecca up from work. That was when something strange happened William noticed something Peggy didn't. "Hey why have these guys neer finished their mission?" asked William. Howard went to get their files, "Maybe they forgot to check in?" Rebecca shook her head, "But all of them admit to not completing the mission. And they have outrageous reasons as to why. Who believed these guys?" Peggy went to the back of the file room and took out a few more, "They were all signed by these men, we don't have any records on them until the year 1965." William spoke up, "Maybe they are in on something together, like a rival agency type deal." Howard scoffed, "There is no way SHIELD could be infiltrated." Rebecca hit him upide the head, "Your arogence will be the end of you, Stark." Peggy shruged, "We'll look into it in the morning. Howard your son is home you should be spending time with him. Rebecca if I am not mistaken you have your grandchildren Kimberly and Scott waiting for you to teach them how to properly use a gun." They all left but none of them knew that this was the last time Howard, Peggy, and Rebecca would be in the same room together.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

They were all invited to the funeral, even if Rebecca wasn't that close to Howard. Peggy and Rebecca sat next to Tony the whole time knowing that he needed someone to be there with him. Peggy and Rebecca were like his Aunts, they were usually at the Stark estate. Rebecca and Howard would be bickering most of the time but Rebecca was still present at the house often when Tony was a child. Everyone was telling Tony about how his father was a great man and how they were sorry that he lost his dad. However Peggy and Rebecca tod him that Howard wasn't perfect and that they were sorry he had to lose his parents but they never tried to tell him what to feel or how to think about it.

18 Years Later

Rebecca had grown old and now had great-grandchildren, but she still worked at SHIELD. She didn't work in the field anymore though, she was a therapist of sorts. One day they sat her down with a young lady with bright red hair and told Rebecca to make the girl safe to be around. They were then left alone to talk and to help this girl through whatever was going on with her."My name is Rebecca Barnes Proctor, and you are?""Natasha Romanoff.""What would you like me to call you?""...Natasha.""Well then Natasha let's get started. Why are you here?""I worked for the KGB a kind man named Clint Barton dragged me here and they told me to sit through this until I was stable enough to go into the field.""I used to be a SHIELD Agent you know, I was here when this place was first built. Now I work here, helping people like you.""...Who is that a picture of on your desk?""That was my brother, he died in the war.""I'm sorry.""It's okay he's been gone for a long time. Anyway why would people think you aren't stable?""I was a Russian Spy, they just want to make sure I'm on their side.""Do you promise not to betray us?""I wouldn't dream of it. I can't go to a prison cell, again.""Great then I will tell themyou are stable as long as you come help me watch over my great grandchildren every Thursday.""I will Mrs. Proctor.""Oh please, call me Rebecca.""Thanks Rebecca."

1 Year Later

"You seem quiet today Natasha is something wrong?""It's nothing I just got out of the Hospital that's all.""What were you there for?""A man with a metal arm shot someone through me.""So I see you've met the Winter Soldier.""The Winter who?"The Winter Soldier, he's an assassin.""Why haven't I heard of him?""He's like a ghost no one can track him and every file we have of himis erased gone. You see this scar he gave me it."Natasha looked at the scar, "Looks like it hurt." Rebecca sighed, "It did for a long time, but what's done is done. Be careful Natasha." Natasha smiled, "I always am."8 Years Later"Rebecca!" called Natasha, "I brought some company for you!" Rebecca smiled, "I'm in the kitchen." She was trying to complete the crossword when she saw Natasha. "Hello, dear I'mso glad you found time to visit me." Natasha looked at the other visitors, "Guys this is Rebecca, she's a few years younger than Steve. And Rebecca this is Sam-" Rebecca inturpterd her, "Stevie! Why haven't you visited me since you came back from the ice?" Steve looked dumbstruck, "I thought you would be dead or you wouldn't remember me." Rebecca wacked him upside the head, "That was easier to do when you where shorter but this will have to do. How dare you think me dead! And I'm not that old, this brain's still ticking!"

Bucky was behind the wall he didn't really know who this lady was and he wasn't sure she would be happy to have a murderer in her house. He noticed something on her left arm then, a scar going down it. Bucky remembered that, he did it to the young women who was trying to have dinner with her boyfriend, then he tried to kill her. Bucky stepped out of the shadows to say he was sorry for hurting her all those years ago when the women hugged him. She started saying, "Jamie, I knew you were alive! Everyone said that you were dead but I knew deep down that you were alive!" Natasha smiled, that was the first time Bucky had ever seen her smile. "As I was about to say, this is Rebecca Barnes Proctor," said Natasha. When the name was said Bucky started to remember her, he would call her Rikki. Bucky hugged her back, "Long time no see Rikki." Rebecca looked at Bucky's arm, "I know what you did and I forgive you."

1 Year Later

Rebecca died peacefully in her sleep a few months after seeing Bucky again. Evryone said that since she saw him her heart had been ready to go, knowing that he was alive. Others said that she missed her friends and loved ones. Whichever you choose to belive just remember that Rebecca Barnes lived an amazing life.

[crispy-crowley]

Ketubah (Aziraphale/Crowley)

Aziraphale grabbed the mug by its porcelain wings. In the next second, it nearly went falling towards the ground. Above the desk, there, by the window, hung a lively and ornately drawn Ketubah. The only problem with that was… well. He didn't really remember getting married.

Thanks to the lovely @theirdarkreturning for the prompt! Hope you enjoy :D

After things went sideways and the Ineffable Plan overtook the Great Plan, things were supposed to go back to normal. They went back to exactly how Adam had viewed them before. No horsemen, no Gabriel, and no antichrist involved.

Some things were different, admittedly, and Crowley was pretty sure he was the first person to notice.

He was sitting in the back seat of Mr. Young’s car, five minutes past the “end” of the world, after he’d begrudgingly agreed to give him and Aziraphale a ride back away from the air base. There was a faint buzz of the car as he looked out the window towards the darkening fields around them.

“My. To think what would have happened if the young boy really had been Warlock,” Aziraphale said. Crowley took a sharp intake of breath at that. Well. That certainly was a thought. He pulled his hand up, going to grab the bridge of his nose, when his reflection in the car mirror caught his eye.

His eyes. Specifically his eyes. They were blinking, his usually snake-shaped golden eyes, and yet the pupils were more… round. More human-like. They had the same color irises, and the pupils were still kind of slits, in a way, but rounder than they were meant to be. His head tilted in the reflection. Well. That's awful strange, isn't it?

Some things, like the Bentley and the Bookshop, were a Godsend. Their own little slices of home were returned to where they were meant to be. Some things, though, weren't quite so black and white.

The people killed by the Kraken were still dead, but the government was trying to cover that up as a “mass illusion.” Probably cell phones, insisted the Prime Minister. Aziraphale had been certain she had to be having a laugh at that, but then again. Who could tell these days. Heaven and Hell weren't quite as clear cut as they used to be.

It was Crowley who had suggested the body-swap idea to bring back some more normality, and frankly, Aziraphale couldn't be happier that he did. The whole matter was rather stressful, but that didn't mean it didn't spruce up the day a little. He was very proud of his performance, actually. He did do a mean Crowley impression. In fact, there was no one he knew better.

So, finally, things were going to be okay. He could return to the bookshop, left alone by angels and demons alike, just him and Crowley. Finally. As it was always written.

Aziraphale shut the door behind him, leaving the streets of Soho and the Bentley behind. A few weeks had passed already, and he and Crowley had just gone for some truly scrumptious pastries in Greece. He rather missed Greece sometimes. True, Rome was where he made his home most of the time during that era, but the ancient Greeks? They were quite a people.

There was a certain smell the bookshop possessed. Aziraphale took a moment, letting it wash over him as he walked past the doorway. He couldn't help but smile at his new books Adam had made appear. Prophecy books were always his favorite. It was rather sweet of him, really, to think of him like that. Perhaps it was an oversight, but Aziraphale saw it as a thank you of sorts. A way of saying he was valued.

He gently removed his coat, placing it on the back of his chair. Oh, dear, he'd left his cocoa out again. He really should learn to clean up after himself. After all, it had been over 200 years since he'd been living here, and it was about time he began to act like it! He grabbed the mug by its porcelain wings. In the next second, it nearly went falling towards the ground.

Above the desk, there, by the window, hung a lively and ornately drawn ketubah. The only problem with that was… well. He didn't really remember getting married.

It is of note that Adam Young was indeed raised Jewish. His father, of course, with a surname like Young, was a Jewish man. His mother was not, and that technically made him goyishe, or legally “not Jewish.” That said, he grew up in the Temple in Tadfield, and he was raised like any other Jewish boy in the town. Wensleydale in particular would get confused, sometimes, when he spoke about things like a mezuzah, or Hanukkah, or specifically the Ketubah. Adam didn't mind explaining. He thought it was kind of cool, in a way.

His mom and dad had theirs proudly displayed in the kitchen. It's a handwritten document, all the way from Israel, stating the true and faithful nature of his parents’ marriage. As far as eleven-year-old Adam was concerned, every married couple had one.

This, coupled with the fact that he was entirely certain that Crowley and Aziraphale were his godfathers, lead to a fairly simple conclusion: They, of course, were married, and as such had a ketubah in their living room.

Truth be told, it was a lovely ketubah. Adam’s imagination must really be something. Not that surprising, considering he was the antichrist and all. But really, it was something beautiful. A large black oak tree stood on one side, a silver-white birch on the other. They intertwined together, the Hebrew text on either side. There were ruby red leaves on both trees.

And underneath, in his very own handwriting, Aziraphale recognized his own signature.

On top of that? He recognized Crowley’s.

His phone was in his hand before he even had taken off his shoes. It rang once, twice, before Crowley picked up. “Miss me already, angel?”

“Not… quite. You, erm, may want to see this.” With that, he hung up, eyes still lingering on the wall. If Hell found out about this-- if Heaven found out about this-- there was no way the bodyswap trick would work twice. They were doomed.

So they wouldn't find out, then.

Crowley opened the door to find Aziraphale pacing in the front of the bookstore, several books on religious lore scattered around his feet. He was holding one open in his hands as he walked, nervously scanning over the words.

“My, angel. What's got your panties all in a twist?” Crowley asked. Truly, the little store looked like a construction zone.

Aziraphale’s head jerked up. “Crowley. You are a Sheyd, correct?”

“Well, I suppose. I mean, most people use the blanket term demon for all of us at some point, but I am one of the sh--”

“But you are experienced in Judaism, yes?” Crowley narrowed his eyes.

“Yes?”

“Right. Good. Right and good. Now, um, how does one cancel a ketubah?”

Crowley paused. His confused expression grew to rather incredulous. “I'm sorry, cancel a ketubah? It’s not an Amazon order, dear, you can’t just—“

Aziraphale shut the book in his hands with a sigh. Well, if he couldn’t tell Crowley, he couldn’t tell anyone. That person could read him quite like a book, if he had ever read.

“I, um. Funny story, really, we, heh. You know about the whole apocalypse?”

“Yeees?” Crowley raised an eyebrow. Of course he knew about the bloody apocalypse. It had only been last week, for Satan’s sake.

“Well, as Adam arranged things, it seems he sort of, hm, bridged a gap of logic? I suppose? And he… well, he sort of--”

“Spit it out, angel.”

“Crowley, we’re married.”

Wait. Married. Married? Oh, come on, Adam. Crowley had at least wanted to break a glass and throw a party at his wedding. Then again, considering who his and Aziraphale’s in-laws were, it was probably best they didn't.

A courthouse wedding suited him anyways. He always wanted to run off and do something wild and rebellious, but now, during their “lay low” period, probably wasn't the best time.

“Well, I suppose it is a long time coming,” Crowley said with a shrug. “I mean, I would've assumed it would happened ages ago.”

“You what? Crowley, we are not in a-- in a relationship of any sorts! That's preposterous!”

“Is it though?” Crowley asked, giving Aziraphale a moment to think. Well. There was no one else he could really trust or relate to, and the humans lived such tiny lives, and Crowley was his best friend, and he had been madly in love with him since the early 1940s. So… wow. Maybe he did have a point.

“Well what will we tell Heaven and Hell? Surely they would disapprove.”

“Oh, angel, please tell me you don't care what they think. They’ve revealed their true colors, who cares if we reveal ours?”

Aziraphale looked slowly around the mess the room had turned into. His glance meandered up to Crowley with a sigh. “Say. How's about we get drunk?”

A smile cracked over Crowley’s face. “Oh, my dear, I thought you'd never ask.”

Two hours had passed, and they had made their way over to Crowley’s home in attempts to find more alcohol. Of course, being a demon of sorts, he was loaded with the stuff. Amber scotch bottles sat empty around them, and knowing the situation, it was a minor miracle they weren't numbering in the double digits.

“And don't get me started on Gabriel. He's such a shvantz… a schmuck. A putz. A…” Aziraphale trailed off, a giggle falling into his voice. “A penis .”

“Wow. You sure showed him, huh? Is that the best insult you've got?” Crowley asked. He casually threw a leg on the table, taking another sip of his whiskey.

“Yes, I rather think it is,” Aziraphale said with a smile. “At this rate, I could be a proper demon, even!”

“Sure you could, Zira,” Crowley remarked. “Y’know, I'm fairly certain two demons can't get married, so then we'd be in even more of a ruddy mess. Can you believe the Duke of Hell trying to fill out paperwork on that one? I think Hastur would gouge my eyes out.” Aziraphale nodded solemnly, his smile slipping just a little. Crowley, who was convinced he knew everything about the angel, noticed straight away.

“You alright, dearest?”

Aziraphale shrugged, his eyes set rather steadily on his glass of scotch. “‘M fine.”

“Ah-ah, angels can't lie darling. Tell me what's the matter.”

Aziraphale momentarily met his gaze before his eyes sunk down again to the drink at hand. “I just wish we could have done this differently.”

Crowley paused, lowering his foot off the table. Oh, shit. This was going to be serious, wasn't it?

“You know, the whole marriage thing. It's supposed to be special, isn't it? A ceremony, a bouquet, a lovely gown. Seven circles, a father walking a betrothed down the aisle. Not just… I don't know, my best friend and me framing a marriage certificate. I wanted to--!” Aziraphale trailed off. He set his glass down with a start. “I wanted to kiss you, Crowley! On my own terms! I wanted to be the one to confess to you, and I wanted a lovely little honeymoon down in New York, and maybe a nice little stop in Vienna. I wanted things to play out slowly, nicely, not… so fast. Why is everything so fast ?”  Aziraphale’s voice was cracking now, his gaze steadily on his drink. He didn't think he could say any of this looking Crowley in the eye. He thought he just might break.

Crowley slowly reached for his sunglasses, pulling them down off of his nose. He put his other hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder, giving a small smile. “Hey. Hey, there. It's alright, I promise you.” Aziraphale looked up slowly, their eyes finally meeting.

“Your eyes. They're… they're human,” he muttered, looking at the round pupils, the amber irises.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley continued, glossing over the comment. “You and me. We have an eternity to figure this out. We don't have to take it my speed, doll. I'd slow down time for you.” Aziraphale nodded, his fear all but melting out of him.

“You know,” Crowley said, “you're the bravest, the most interesting person I've ever met.”

All of a sudden, Aziraphale couldn't take it anymore. He leaned forward, firmly pressing Crowley’s lips to his. Crowley floundered for just a second, surprise and astonishment taking over. But then he pressed back, eyelashes fluttering closed and heart leaping in his chest.

They'd take things slow. One step at a time, always, until they're both as happy and content as any married couple.

And maybe one day, Crowley would dawn a long black dress and watch as Aziraphale walked down the aisle in a suit of white. Maybe he'd circle his husband seven times, before a glass is broken and they're both hoisted up on chairs among friends. Well, they'd need friends first for that, but maybe. Only the future would tell. And ever since Anathema burned the new ones, no prophecy could predict what would happen next.

But as Crowley leaned forward to kiss Aziraphale again, his strange and ineffable husband, nothing that far ahead mattered. What mattered was this very second.

Crowley was done moving too fast. For Aziraphale, he'd slow down time.

@litttlebrave @madhbh

[thenightling]

My hopes for Steven Moffat’s Dracula

1.   I know he’s paying some homage to Hammer Horror by filming some of it where Hammer used to film their Dracula movies but Hammer also toned down Dracula’s powers for budgetary reasons.  Most of Hammer’s Dracula films (save for Brides of Dracula) did not allow the vampires to take animal form.   I am hoping that with the considerable budget allotted to the show through Netflix that they allow Dracula to have his traditional powers and weaknesses.

NBC’s Dracula was woefully disappointing partly because of the “nerfing” they had done to Dracula.   I want a version that can walk by day but is weaker during the day (like in the original Stoker novel), and can become mist, wolf, or bat during the night.

2.  If Dracula requires an invitation to enter a home.  Please, please, please have the sense that the requirement for an invitation is only in regard to homes, not places of business, public places, and the like.  Don’t do what “What we do in the Shadows” does in regard to invitations.  What we do in the Shadows is poking fun of vampire role players who often make the mistake of thinking the vampire needs an invitation to enter a tavern or other public establishment.  No.  The rule was only in regard to private dwellings.  For example a vampire can probably enter an apartment building but not an individual apartment / flat that someone resides in, without an invitation.   3.  I am perfectly fine with a female Doctor Van Helsing however please allow her to be like DOCTOR Van Helsing, an older professor type, not a sexy twenty-something in skin-tight leather, belly shirt, teddy / corset or other cliche trappings of the “hawt” vampire slayer.  Don’t try to make her Buffy.  Let her be older, wise, a Peter Cushing type.  Please.  We so rarely get that with female vampire hunters.

In fact it could be a great twist if Van Helsing or Jonathan Harker was the TV and movie trope reincarnation of Dracula’s lost love.   

4.  aesthetic preference:   Let Dracula have his sharp claw-like nails and slightly pointed ears.  It’s okay if he doesn’t but this is a preference of mine.  See Castlevania, or even Gary Oldman’s Dracula’s hands.

 5.  Do NOT let Dracula eat food or drink alcohol. Much like the vampires of What we do in the Shadows Dracula cannot abide food.  In the original novel the “I never drink... wine” was part of a three part line of dialogue. “I do not sup.”  “I never drink wine.”  and “I do not smoke.”  (Parodied in Love at first bite with “I do not smoke... sh--t.”) 6.  His soul. Dracula does have a soul. This isn’t Buffy.  In fact in the novel the heroes believed destroying his physical body, might allow him to ascend to Heaven.  They were even relieved by this implication apparently being confirmed by the look of peace on his face when they destroyed him.  (Yes, it’s indicated that Dracula actually went to Heaven in the novel.  Funny how Victorian readers were willing to accept that but modern audiences seem to go “No!  He needs to burn forever!”  God, we’ve become vindictive as a species...) 

7.   Dracula does have a heartbeat.  This is a petty detail but it annoyed me that the Gary Oldman Dracula does not have one.

8.   The novel Dracula never revealed how he became a vampire. It’s probably best if this is left unexplained or even a mystery to the character himself. 

 Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula book series handled this very well.  In the sixth book of Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula book series he had Dracula describe his original assassination (as Vladislaus Drakulya, later known as Vlad the Impaler)  and how loyalists retrieved his severed head and body and let the Turks claim the head of another man to present to the Sultan.   They prepared him for burial and the candles kept going out, and the head seemed to start to re-attach to his neck. They buried him and he rose from his grave as a vampire.

This made his revival as a vampire all the more mysterious as the vampires in Fred Saberhagen’s books were usually created via a blood exchange between vampire and would-be vampire.

9.  Don’t try to be edgy with a “creative twist” in pretending he was not Vlad the Impaler because “that was added at the last minute” or “There are historical inaccuracies in the novel.”  Of course there are historical inaccuracies!   Most people didn’t know the name in England of 1897.   But in the fictional universe of the novel that IS who he is. 

“He must indeed be the voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk” - Said by Abraham Van Helsing in the novel.  

Just be respectful.  Let him have lived his life as the rather violent Romanian hero and have the vampirism be posthumous.   (Born 1431, became a vampire 1476 or so).

Also please, please do NOT claim he is Judas or any other Biblical figure.  That’s not clever, it’s just stupid.  Whether you’re claiming he’s Judas, or Abel or “Lucifer’s brother” (I’m looking at you, Penny Dreadful) please stop. 

9 Part B:  For if you use the Vlad the Impaler backstory.  Though I love Castlevania there is one detail that bugs me.  Țepeș,is NOT a surname.  That was a name given posthumously by his enemies.  It’s just Romanian for Impaler.  He signed his name Vladislaus Drakulya. He chose Dracula as his surname because of his and his father’s membership to the Order of the Dragon.  Dracula in modern Romanian might mean Devil but in the fifteenth century it meant son of the Dragon.   Dracul menat Dragon and Dracula meant Son of the Dragon.   So please don’t mistake the posthumous title as his surname.  He never signed his name with the Romanian world for impaler.  

 10.  Don’t mock the old tropes. The deconstruction done in the NBC show of 2014 was bad enough.  We don’t need another whiney “I have an American Southern accent for some reason” powerless Dracula downing scotch and shedding a single tear, while posing shirtless with a torch he shouldn’t need. 

11.  Further note.  I’m perfectly okay with a bisexual Dracula.  Considering other pop culture incarnations such as Marvel comics it does make sense.  I know Steven Moffat is easily tempted to feed shippers, tread carefully but don’t be afraid to tread.  

12.  If he cries at all, let the tears be blood and let him follow the old unspoken rule that if you make Dracula cry you’re pretty much screwed.   None of this stupid “But that’s from True Blood” or ‘That’s from The Vampire Chronicles.”  Dracula cried blood tears in pop culture it first. 13.   Let him be sympathetic if you like but also let him be powerful and predatory.

Please, Steven, don’t screw this up.   The NBC Dracula series dimmed my obsession for nearly a year. Only re-reading the Fred Saberhagen Dracula books and the Netflix Castlevania series brought it back.