#yes that's derek shepherds body

[shelbgrey]

Kiss me in the dark(Derek Shepherd)

Paring: Derek Shepherd x Kepner!Reader

Summary: April Kepner's older sister is still a virgin and unlike her sister no one really knows. She shares the same morles as her sister but really she'll only sleep with someone she loves. She loves her boyfriend Derek but hasn't really gotten the chance to do anything until recently.

Warnings: SMUT, no plot just smut, fingering, Praise, gentle sex, loss of virginity, Derek being an absolute sweetheart.

MasterList ML2

As soon as we got into his trailer his lips were on mine, holding my face gently. as the kiss got more heated I felt his hands start to roam my body.

My eyes widened for a second feeling my stomach do flips I placed my hands on his chest and slowly pulled away. he noticed this, and placed a small kiss to my nose.

“we don't have to. only if-”

“shut it” I softly joked, cutting him off as ran my fingers through his perfect hair. My hands slightly shook as they fell to his belt. I kissed his lips trying to cover the fact I was struggling to unbuckel it. He softly pulled away and placed his hands on mine stope me.

He chuckled slightly. “hey, hey, slow down” I looked up at him with puppy eyes. He smiled lovingly and caressed my cheek. “we'll take things slow” he whispered kissing my cheek.

He smiled softly and took my hand and lead me to his bed. I felt so innocent and shy compared to his confident poster.

I stood still for a bit and looked around his tiny trailer. As I looked around a felt him come up behind me and brush my hair to the side. He started leaving soft kisses up and down my neck as his arms wrapped around my waist.

I felt him stop as he noticed my nervous poster. He turned me around softly and held my face in his hands making our eyes lock.

“what's wrong, Sweetheart?” he asked kindly, looking down at me.

“mm' nothing” and it was the truth. I didn't feel uncomfortable, nor felt paranoid or scared, I trusted him completely. I just simply felt shy at that moment, he smiled at and stroked my cheek softly with his thumb.

“your so beautiful...” he whispered as his hands fell to my ass. I stuttered feeling more shy under my boyfriends gaze.

A soft wine left my lips as I felt him pick me up caring me to his bed. he crawled on top of me, laying me down on the bed as he did so. he rubbed small, comforting circles into my hips, letting me know he was there and I could trust him.

I felt his hands settle on my thighs, slightly letting them wander up my shorts, “do you trust me?” he asked softly.

I felt body trembled, but seemingly in the best way possible. My body was practically in flames from his small, teasing touches. I nodded needing more of his touch.

“use your words, or I can't do anything” he said as I got lost in his blue eyes.

“yes..” I whispered and gently played with the dark hairs at the neap of his neck. He thumb stroked my cheek and his head titled to the side rasing and eye brow. “Yes, what Honey?”

I swallowed nervously not knowing how to say nor did I know what he want to here. “I trust you... please touch me Derek”

that was all Derek needed before he snapped, and his lips once again collided with mine. My hands went to his chest and I gasped into the kiss, noticing how much harder than it was than the first. but nonetheless, I was enjoying the hell out of it. especially when I felt his tongue slip past my lips and began to explore every part of my mouth.

He broke the kiss for a swift moment, “if you want me to stop... tell me and i'll do it, okay? i don't want you to be uncomfortable.”

I quickly nodded, not even really processing his words, I just wanted more of him.

He pulled away slightly giving me a serious look “I'm serious y/n” he said softly.

I nodded softly playing with the dark hair at the neep of his neck. “I will...”

My hand fell to his and our fingers laced together. I felt my chest heat up as he leaned down and pressed a delicate kiss on my lips as he placed our laced finger on the bed next to my head.

he started to press light kisses on my neck. I sighed, I had never felt a sensation like this. He bit down lightly and I let out a small whimper at the feeling. he moaned quietly at the sounds that were leaving my lips. He didn't sound disappointed.

“you like that, Baby?” he cooed teasingly in my ear, nibbling a bit on it, causing a shiver to go down my spine. that was all he needed before he continued to work on my neck, leaving small love marks on the smooth flesh.

“Der.. more.. Please” I pleaded, still not really knowing what I needed more of, but I just I needed more of him. he chuckled in my ear, and placed one last kiss on my jaw before gently lifting me up and laying my head on his pillow.

“what do you want more of?” he asked, hovering over me. His blue eyes stared into mine with a smirk.

“I-i don't know... just-more”

It was kinda funny, because I was begging and I truly didn't even know what I wanted. I knew it would make Derek's thoughts go wild, and I could feel his cock harden at the look on his face as he leaned in closer.

“you want me to touch you more?” he asked trailing his hand down to my outer thigh, “want me to make you feel good with my fingers?”

I felt my heart almost exploded from his words, and I felt my panties suddenly dampen.

“please Derek” I shuddered, wrapping my arms around his neck. he smirked and placed a small, but reassuring kiss on my lips.

I felt his fingers gently trailed over my thighs, going down my shorts, the feeling made me whimper. he pinched at the delicate skin, and I sighed out of content as his fingers inched closer and closer to where I needed him the most.

“are you okay?” he asked and placed a delicate kiss on my lips.

“I-it feels good...” I whimpered to him.

“don't worry, baby. gonna make you feel amazing,” he said kissed my neck once more, and his fingers finally found my clothes bundle of nerves, and he pressed down gently.

I let out a gasped at the sensation, my hips instinctively bucking up as I tried for more friction. he began with small circles on my panties, and he had already made me a sounding mess by the time he was attempting to push them aside, and run a finger up my slit.

“I've barely even touched you and you're soaked... what's got my beautiful girl so worked up?”

I blushed at the question making me hide my face in his chest from embarrassment, and he chuckled lightly.

“hey, don't be embarrassed. I think it's adorable.” he smiled lovingly.

he kissed my lips again, his tongue finding its way back into my mouth as my chest heaved from the overwhelming pleasure.

without warning, he slipped one finger in. it made me gasp into the kiss, partly from pain, the other from pleasure. He moaned at the sounds he was pulling from me.

soon enough, he was fucking me relentlessly with his just one finger, and I rocked my hips back and forth, just chasing a build up that I had never even experienced before.

“your being so good Honey, fucking my fingers like this.” he whispered, making a small whimper escaped my lips once again.

he kept going, even at one point, slipping another finger in to stretch me out a bit. I practically screamed at the feeling, the overwhelming sensation almost becoming too much to handle.

“can I take this off?” he asked tugging at his shirt that covered my body.

I nodded and he swiftly pulled the shirt off my body, and beginning to suck on my nipple lightly. He chuckled at the sudden halt in speech, and kissed my breasts soothingly as he felt my pussy clench around his fingers.

“I can feel you clenching around me baby... are you gonna cum for me?" he asked, coming closer to my face. I quickly nodded, the coil in my stomach progressively becoming looser.

“Derek, I'm gonna cum.” I warned him, and he simply hummed at my obliviousness. “Der..” I gasped, a wave of pure pleasure washing over me, sending what felt like electricity through my veins as he fingers went even faster.

“There you go, Baby.” he said softly.

My thighs trembled violently as I came on his fingers, and I had to hide my face in Derek's shoulder to muffle the scream that elicited from my lips.

As I saw stars, Derek kept going, this time focusing on my clit more than anything. those same noises leaving my mouth hadn't stopped, and before I knew it, that same feeling over came me again. I started to rock against his hand as I came, clinching the sheets on his bed.

I felt my whole body shake as Derek took his hand away, and he licked the rest of my release off of his fingers. he hummed as he stared into my eyes.

“you tast so good” I could feel his cock now painfully hard on my thigh, practically pleading to be released.

I smiled quietly as tried to regulate my breathing. I had never had an experience like this before, and I couldn’t believe that I had just lied there and actually enjoyed it

“you alright?” he asked brushing a few pieces of hair out of my face.

I smiled kissing his lips softly. he placed his hands on my cheeks deeping the kiss as he rubbed his hand up and down my hips, I sighed calming down as his touch soothed me. “do you want more? or... are you done for the night?”

Of course I wanted more of his touch, I wanted so much more. I wanted everything I just had, and even more than that if even possible.

I looked up at Derek with puppy eye “more... Please.”

he raised an eyebrow at with a comforting smike, “are you sure?"

I nodded my head threading my fingers through his hair bring him closer, “please Derek."

And with that, he started kissing my shoulders and neck every now and then to calm me down. He could tell that I was nervous about him seeing me in such a vulnerable moment. he slowly slipped my shorts and panties down gently, throwing them off to the side of the bed.

I laid back down, watching as he began to take his own clothes off. when he was finished, he hovered over me again, his hands gently traved my naked skin, drawing small circles into it. I felt his blue eyes scan my whole body and I started blush as I instincly covered my body with his sheets.

“hey, please don't cover up. you’re so beautiful.” I let out a quiet whimper still keeping my body covered up by his dark sheets. Derek looked up giving me a look of permission, slowly peeling the sheet away.

“so beautiful” he said kissing my chest. I trusted and loved Derek. He always made sure I was safe and comfortable. He handled me with care like he had always done.

He smirked, and gently kissed my lips. he began to kiss all over me, sucking and nibbling at certain parts, leaving me to whimper and tremble some more. his hands traveled everywhere, especially when it came to my breasts. he played with them between his fingers, showing extra attention to me nipples as he whispered sweet nothings. I sighed from pleasure and carded my fingers through his dark hair when he kissed them, and began to play with them with his tongue.

suddenly, he leaned up, and took us in for another heated kiss, “I can’t wait to ruin you, baby"

maybe if any other scenario or if he wasn't my loving boyfriend, I would’ve panicked and ran for the hills. but, this time, his words simply made me clench my thighs together. he felt it, and looked over. he let out a low chuckle, and shook his head.

“is that what you want? want me to fuck you?” he asked rubbing my cheek as a smirk was plastered on his face.

I felt nervous for this part, but I couldn’t even be bothered to think on the fact that I was still a virgin. Derek knew it as well and we had the conversation before. And he said wait until I was ready. That's always been the plan and he simply wasn't going to let me freak out, or feel shy or embarrassed.

I nodded my head frantically, and he teasingly rubbed his cock on your swollen clit. I leaned up to kiss him this time, forcing my tongue in his mouth, which baffled him as he continued to rock his hips into mine.

“look at you making demands...” he moved some hair from my face, “damn... you’re so beautiful.”

There was a beat of silence, only the sounds of your heart beating in sinc. “der..”

He hummed in response, locking his blue eyes with mine as I started to stutter under his gaze. “W-will you...um...”

He gave me a comforting look “will I what, sweetheart? say it.”

I blushed and glanced over for a moment, I felt my face burn again, but he grabbed my chin, and forcing our eyes to lock. “say it.”

Ihuffed, growing more needier and needier by the second, “Derek please.... Fuck me”

that’s when he kissed me again, but this time, it felt... different. it didn’t feel as if he was just trying to fuck me. It was like his normal loving kisses. Like the first kiss we ever shared. he simply just wanted a kiss. A kiss that says he loves me.

he aligned himself with me and looked up at me with reassurance in his eyes. “are you sure?”

I quickly nodded, “yes, please.” I shot him a loving smile, despite the very thing that was about to happen. but, I felt my smile suddenly faltered when a small thought popped into my head.

He must have noticed the shift on my face, and stopped automatically with a concerned look. “what's wrong Honey?” he asked stroking my cheek.

“does-will it hurt?” I asked softly. he softly smile,as my voice was just so fragile and curious. but, he leaned down and softy kissed my forehead,

“just for a few moments, but if it’s too much... you can let me know and i’ll stop, alright?”

I couldn’t help but to smile back at him lovingly, as his voice was so gentle and hypnotic. “okay...”

And with that, he aligned himself one more time, and his hand moved to my hip down as he slowly slid his tip inside. that burning sensation started, the one that ginny had described. and for a moment, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it. a small hiss feel from my lips at the intrusion, and Derek caressed your cheek as held on to his arms.

“s-slow at first... please?” he looked at me with a reassuring smile.

Derek chuckled, “that was my plan.” he kissed my forehead softly. “I'll be as gentle as possible”

He began to dig his hips deeper, his cock making its way slowly more into me. I whimpered with every movement, but Derek was there whispering soft praises and reassurances in my ear.

“tell me how good it feels, darling.”

“so good... Fuck, Derek...”

And at one point, a string of curses even left my mouth, leaving Derek a groaning mess, as my shyness and innocence was slowly dying out underneath him.

“never knew such a innocent girl like you could say such nasty things...” he whispered, kissing my neck, sucking on it a bit.

Finally, that now familiar burning in my stomach took over, and I started squirming underneath him as I  unraveled in his arms. a loud scream left my lips, and Derek started planting open mouthed kiss to muffle the noises.

“God you look so gorgeous when you cum...” he groaned.

with just a few more thrust, Derek pulled out, cumming all over my stomach.

he rested his head on my chest few moments catching his breath as I mindlessly played with the damp strands of his hair. he placed a few kisses around my Breasts then up to my face, and slowly got up. he picked up my panties off of the floor, and leaned me up to put them back on.

“Let's get you cleaned up sweetheart” he said slipping his boxers back on.

I obliged by getting up. but, I underestimated everything for a moment, as you my aches, as well as my whole entire lower body. I tumbled and Derek caught me before I hit the ground. “I got you” he whispered.

He quickly scooped me into his arms, and carried me into the bathroom. He ran a hot bath and got one of his t-shirts to sleep. He gently lowered me into the bathtub then situated his body behind mine. “you did so good for me, Baby” he said softly, kissing my neck.

I leaned my back into his chest, as I tried to keep my eyes open. Derek gently kissed my cheek and continued to clean me up. “just relax, I got you” he whispered.

After he massaged the aches away and got me changed he gently picked me up in his arms once again caring me to his bed that now had fresh sheets.

“I wasn't too rough was I, Honey?” he asked as I cuddles to his chest. I looked up and smiled dispute my burning cheeks. “it was amazing” I whispered right before falling asleep in his arms.

[hlstead]

stitches

[derek shepherd x reader]

request by @virtualreader

warnings: mentions of stitches and blood

Derek Sheperd

That was the name of her biggest crush and the reason for her despair.

When you joined Saint Grace as a nutritionist, you didn't expect to fall in love with someone on the team, let alone someone like him, who seemed to like someone else. Meredith was considered one of the most beautiful women in the hospital and you just felt like you couldn't compete with her for Derek.

Derek approached you quickly and I was surprised, you thought he would be more of a surgeon with a God complex, even more, because of his specialty, but he positively surprised you. You became friends quickly and created a relationship of flirting in friendship.

At least he was flirting in friendship…

It was one more shift and everything in your power to avoid Derek you did. You changed directions, took the stairs so you wouldn't find him in the elevator, and even begged him not to put you on the same floor as him. But nothing seemed to help, he followed you like a magnet wherever you went.

Derek's hands tightened on your shoulders making you jump in fright from the chair you were in. You lifted your head and looked up into the neurosurgeon's blue eyes.

“Are you needing me? Which patient?” You ask, trying to ignore the shiver it sent through your body.

“Yes, I am, but there are no patients. Unless you want to consider me your patient.” He says smiling and you blink a few times.

You tried to keep things strictly professional, but he made it very difficult.

"What do you mean?" You tilt your head to the side, pretending not to understand.

“I need some company to go fishing this weekend… how do you feel about going with me?” He asks.

You think for a few moments but end up accepting the invitation. He gives you a wink before leaving and you feel your body melt.

You were stupidly in love with him.

When the weekend arrived, you were feeling the jitters gnawing inside. Derek had picked you up and you were next to the river, admiring the beautiful landscape.

“Looks like we don’t have enough bait.” Derek says, looking at the bucket with some worms in front of him.

"I'll get more." You say with a smile and get up to take it.

You had to confess, you weren't the most skilled person in the world, and in fact, you were the opposite. As you went up the small hill to the car, you tripped over your foot and fell, hitting your head on a rock.

Your vision blurred and you felt the blood run down your forehead, making you groan in pain as you touched the spot with your hand. Derek, hearing the little accident that had just happened, gets up quickly and walks over to you.

You support yourself on your hands and try to get up, regretting it soon after as you get dizzy. Derek's hands looped around your waist and he sat you down on a rock, examining the cut.

"It's not very deep but you'll need stitches." He says holding his head.

"No need to worry, I'm fine." You say watching him roll his eyes.

“Do you know I need to do this or do you want to go to the hospital?” he asks impatiently and it was his turn to roll his eyes.

"Okay." you whisper.

Derek goes to the car and gets a first aid kit along with the fishing material while you watch his movements like an eagle. He sterilizes the material with some products and then bends down to start the stitches.

He cleans the wound, making you grimace at the stinging sensation. He starts the mini-surgery and you feel your heart speed up in proximity. His breath hit your face and his nose was milliliters away from yours, you were so enthralled by the sight in front of you that you lost focus on what he was doing.

A few minutes passed and he informed you that it was over, but your trance wasn't there and you couldn't stop staring at him Derek felt that this was the only chance he would have. He cupped her face in both hands and pressed her lips to his. You were speechless for the moment but after a few seconds, you responded with every emotion you had.

There was no Meredith, no interns.

At that moment it was just Derek and you.

[malereadermaniac]

The Experiment ~ Mark Sloan x Male Reader

An old memory comes back to 'haunt' Dr Sloan word count: 1k m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI

He didn't expect to ever see you again

But there you were... Walking into Seattle Grace and talking to Chief Webber

"Mark! Are you even listening to me?" Derek snaps his fingers at his friend, but that didn't break Mark's stare

He watched you attentively as you walked towards him and Derek with the Chief; head empty-no thoughts, except that at the same time, many different thoughts ran through Mark's brain!

"Shepherd, Sloan, this is Dr (L/n). Make sure you get on his good side as he is now our new ENT Attending" The chief introduces you

"Derek Shepherd" the handsome man says, shaking your hand and giving you a smile

"(Y/n) (L/n), pleasure to meet you~" you say, smiling with a warm tone in your voice

A silence fell as Mark failed to introduce himself, still just looking at you

"Sloan!" The chief says, nudging the attractive male out of his trance

"This is Mar-" Derek starts but you cut him off quickly

"Mark Sloan, I know~ We went to med school together" you say with a chuckle and gesture to Richard that you two should go finish up paper work

However, you make sure to give a small wink to Mark as you walk past

And that man's eyes couldn't come off of you as you walked away! Even if he tired to rip em offa ya!

"What? Cat got your tongue, Mark? How come you never told me about (Y/n)?"

"Cause I barely knew him. I have a surgery to get to." The muscular man says and leaves his friend in the hallway

The truth was that not only were you and Sloan in Med school together, but you two also experimented together

For a while as well...

And no matter how good it was for the both of you, Mark didn't like to admit that he liked it - or at least he didn't back then

Nowadays, Sloan's a little more comfortable in his sexuality - when Callie came out he tried to comfort her by saying "Hey! I kinda like guys too??", which thoroughly shocked the orthopedic surgeon

But back in med school? Mark had a reputation to hold up! He couldn't afford to lose it, no matter how much his heart would race every time you smiled at him or how many mornings in a row he would wake up early just to watch you sleep beside him with nothing but his covers over you to hide your beautiful, naked body

"Dr Sloan! Perfect timing, I was just introducing Dr (L/n) to your patient" Yang explained as Sloan's resident on the case, which you had now joined

"Dr (L/n)?" Sloan questioned

"Yes Dr Sloan, you are reconstructing this young woman's ears, so I will be needed for this surgery" you say with a smile and return to the patient

During the whole explanation to the patient, Mark looked at you and thousands of thoughts rushed through his head

Why are you here?

How have you been?

Does he still have feelings for you?

Was that the reason he stopped hooking up with you?

Why does he have a boner?

Oh no he has a boner.

And so on, so forth

"Dr Sloan, a quick word please?" You ask

The two of you walk out into the hall as Christina answers any questions the patient has

"Listen, I know I'm incredibly attractive and you want to profess your undying love to me, Mark - however we are both at work, so please keep your eyes off of my face and ass. Could you do that for me?" You ask in a tone which sounded as if you were gentle-parenting the plastic surgeon, giggling at the man's slow nod

"Sure, but we need to talk later" Sloan mumbles

"Talk? About what? I remember you were the one that stormed out of my apartment half naked shouting "I'm not a homo"?" You say with a cold face, a small raise of your eyebrow and squint of your eye emphasising your point and leaving the plastic surgeon slightly speechless

At lunch, you were the most popular attending, like a steak thrown to hungry lions, everyone wanted to get to know you, befriend you or bed you

"So why become an ENT?" Arizona asks

"More importantly, are you single?" Another attending asks

"Leave the man alone... where did you study?" Asks Bailey

Sloan was left standing with an apple in his hand as the table was crowded with attendings and residents, especially ones with interests in your specialty

"Oh! Mark!" Dr Torez calls the man-slag over, making the smile on your face fade for a second

"Excuse me, I just need to go check on a patient" you say, getting up from the table and walking off

But Sloan followed you...

Next thing you know, you're in a supply closet with your ex hook-up/fuck buddy/boyfriend/whatever

"What the hell, Mark??" You kinda shout, your hand rubbing your head as you had knocked it into a shelf

"Just give me 5 minuets to explain myself, (Y/n)! Please" Mark begs, his tall figure looming above you as his chest presses against yours

"Fine, but that's all you get" you say with a pissed off look

And so he started

Explaining how he was ashamed of himself

How he didn't really want to break things off

How he was wholly in the wrong

And how he still has feeling for you all these years later...

By the end of it, the tall man had a tear in his eye and a thin blush on his face; you felt pretty bad for him, and guilty for being a bitch to him earlier

"Mark... I'm sorry for being such a dick" you say, hugging him, your head resting against his huge chest; a feeling so vaguely familiar

"No, I'm sorry (Y/n)"

"Turn a new leaf?" You say with that warm smile which Mark had fallen for back in college

"Sure, sweetcheeks" Mark responds with the nickname he used to call you

There won't be a part 2 sorry guys but I had to cheap out of Disney+ so Grey's anatomy is NOT on my mind

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Time of Death

Dr. Derek Shepherd x Reader

Words: 1966

Summary: Receiving the news after coming out of a long surgery, Derek rushes to comfort his fiancé whose sister committed suicide.

Notes: I hope to write some fluffier McDreamy imagines and more for Grey’s Anatomy, but when I got this idea, I had to go with it. This is a very very dark story, so it will not be for everyone, but I really had an interesting time writing it. As always, I’d love to know your thoughts and if you guys are excited for more Grey’s Anatomy imagines. 

Warnings: Suicide, grief, guilt (This starts out fast so I’m putting the break at the beginning so if you don’t want to read, you don’t have to.)

-

You couldn’t hear them say it but you still heard it in your head. Time of death… You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at the clock. Time had stopped. Everything had stopped. As you looked down from the gallery, nobody in the O.R. seemed to be moving an inch. Until Dr. Bailey looked up at you. As soon as your eyes connected, everything started again but it started too fast. Your heart was beating too fast, your legs were moving too fast, the tears were coming too fast. 

Your sister was dead. She threw herself in front of oncoming traffic. Her body was so broken that even Bailey couldn’t put it back together. Your baby sister killed herself. 

Nurses and doctors alike watched you sprint by.  Fellow residents, interns, attendants, all of them watched you run like maniac through the halls of the surgical wing. Of course, you were careful not to be in anyone’s way, but you had to disappear. 

“What’s with Mrs. McDreamy?” Cristina asked George and Meridith quietly. 

“Her sister just died on the table.” Izzy sighed, having been with you in the gallery. She looked at the floor. “Jumped in front of a car.” The other interns’ eyes widened. 

“She killed herself?” Meredith whispered, her gaze following your running form down the hall. “Has anybody told…”

“He’s been in surgery for hours.” Cristina shook her head. “I doubt he even knows she was admitted.” 

“Should someone page him? Should someone go get Y/N?” George wondered but nobody moved. They all just looked at each other. Cristina crossed her arms. 

“I’ll go. Somebody has to go tell Dr. Shepherd that his future sister in law turned herself into roadkill.” 

“No.” Meredith blurted. Cristina’s bluntness was the last thing anyone needed right now. “I’ll tell him.” Meredith and Derek were at least friends. He needed to hear this from a friend. 

-

Derek smiled as the water ran over his hands. After several long hours, the surgery was a success. The 18-year-old girl was going to be okay. Thanks to him. Another life saved. His smile grew when Meredith stepped into the room. 

“Dr. Grey, you missed a pretty amazing surgery.” He beamed. Something about her face was off. 

“I’m sure you did very well Dr. Shepherd.” She wasn’t looking at him. 

“Meredith what is it?” He dried his hands quickly and followed her out into the hall. Her expression made that cocky smile of his fall. “Meredith?”

“A Cierra Y/L/N was admitted about when you started your surgery.”

“Y/N’s sister?”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “It seems that she ran in front of a semi truck. Dr. Bailey did everything she could but… she’s dead, Derek.” 

“Cierra… killed herself?” Derek ran a hand down his face. “Does anyone know why? Are they sure that’s what happened? Does Y/N know?”

“We all saw her run down the hallway, so I’d say she knows.” 

“Do you know where she went?” He exclaimed, raising his voice. He didn’t have time for the doe-eyed confusion. He needed to know where you were. Meredith just shook her head. He calmed down enough so he wouldn’t yell. “Thank you for getting me.”

He took off, scanning the hall for any sign of his fiance. As he hurried past doctors and patients, he thought of Cierra. He’d never even met her. Sure, you had mentioned that you had a younger sister, but you didn’t say much other than that. But suicide? It was how you lost your mom when you were in medical school. This was going to hit hard and he needed to make sure there would be pieces of you left. 

“Dr. Shepherd!” A voice called out behind him. He reluctantly stopped his pursuit to turn to Dr. Bailey. She gave him a sad, grim look. “We did everything we could, but the extent of her injuries… I’m sorry there wasn’t more I could do.” 

“Have you seen Y/N?” 

“Since she couldn’t operate with us, she stayed and watched from the gallery.” She sighed. She paused for a second before putting a hand on his shoulder. “I think I know where she might have gone.” 

Bailey had found you there once before. You’d lost a patient and needed a quiet place to be alone. If there was ever a time you needed a quiet place to go, it’d be now. She brought Derek to a closet on the fourth floor. It was mostly filled with extra linens and paper and such so it wasn’t used often. Bailey knocked on the door, but received no response. Slowly, she opened the door. 

“Dr. Shepherd?” She called out into the dark storage room. With still no response, she let Derek pass her. 

“Y/N? Honey, I know you’re in here.” His eyes adjusted and he could see a form standing behind one of the shelves in the corner. He exchanged a look with Bailey. She nodded in understanding. 

“I’ll go tell the chief. You’ll probably want to be heading home.” As she turned to leave, Derek put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Thank you, Miranda.” 

The chief resident quietly closed the door behind her and Derek walked further into the closet. The closet may have been small, but you felt far away. Hearing the sound of him approaching, you turned your head. 

“Cierra is… she’s- they said that she-” Every time you tried to finish the sentence, your mouth stopped. Like your body was trying to deny what your mind clearly knew. Derek tentatively put his hands on your shoulders. When did he get in front of you? 

“I know.” 

He pulled you to his chest and you tried not to push away. You wanted to. You wanted to run again. But his arms wouldn’t let you. He kept you from drifting away. 

-

Chief Webber had all of your surgeries for the next few days rescheduled or taken over by Dr. Bailey. Derek rescheduled the ones that he could, but some of his surgeries were on a time crunch. After he drove you home, he was paged back to the hospital for an emergency. He told you what it was, but you couldn’t remember. 

You didn’t even remember the drive home. You remembered the bloody surgical tools and the machines and the clock, but it didn’t have any numbers on it. You remembered running in the halls and Derek finding you in the closet. Now you were home. Now you were alone. Alone with the knowledge that you killed your little sister. 

Your brain started a single train of thought. You moved slowly, every motion draining more and more energy out of you, but you still made your way to your closet and found your suitcase. You couldn’t put this much pain, this much baggage on someone with a heart like his. To you, this was mercy. 

-

When Derek finally returned home, not a single light in the house was on. His shoulders were weighed down as he tossed his keys on the counter. The surgery was a success, but he didn’t feel that usual rush of adrenaline that came from saving a life. He just wanted to get back to you. 

He was about to call out for you when he saw something catch the light. Sitting on the kitchen table was your engagement ring. 

“Y/N!” He called out, tucking the band into his pocket and ascending the stairs two at a time. He burst into the bedroom and found your suitcase sitting on the bed, clothes hurriedly piled inside. “Y/N!” 

Light pooled into the room from underneath the bathroom door and was sure he could hear something inside. Derek knocked lightly before slowly cracking the door open. 

“Y/N?” His voice was quieter now but still held the same amount of urgency. You just whimpered in response. He opened the door fully, finding you sitting on the bathroom floor having thrown up any meals you had that day. 

“It’s my fault, Derek.” You cried, your voice so low he could barely hear you. “Cierra killed herself because of me. I can’t force you to live with that too.” You pulled your knees up to your chest. 

“Honey…” Derek sat beside you, putting on a hand on your cheek to make you look at him. “Cierra was sick. She’d been sick for a really long time.”

“She was sick because I left her.” You spat, jerking away. “I abandoned her when I moved here for my residency. I knew what she was going through, stuck living with my dad, and I went off to medical school anyway.”

“Deciding to make a life for yourself and to help save lives was not abandoning her.” He took your hand in his and this time, you didn’t pull away. “Y/N, you called Cierra every chance that you got. As far as you knew, she was getting help in San Diego. She told you she was getting better. You couldn’t have known how bad it had gotten.” 

“Then why did she come here, Derek?” You felt that sick feeling in your stomach turning and twisting again. “Why drive up to Seattle and jump into oncoming traffic close enough to be taken to Seattle Grace unless she blamed me?” 

Derek was quiet for a moment. Your body was still shaking from both sobs and from getting sick and you looked desperate for answers that he couldn’t give. 

“Maybe she wanted to see you one last time. This was her way of doing that.” 

It may not have been the answer you wanted to hear, but it was enough to get you to calm down. Derek shifted so that you were sitting in front of him, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your arms from behind. He gently kissed the top of your head and pulled your ring out of his pocket. 

“As for this…” He held the band out in front of you. You just stared at it, laying your head back against his shoulder. 

“I was leaving.” You were half packed before your body ached so much it made you sick. 

“I noticed that.” Derek blew out a long breath. “You said you ‘couldn’t force me to live with that’. Is that how you think? That leaving will spare me of your faults?” 

“I didn’t think that you…” You sighed, trying to collect your reasoning into words. You spun around so you were facing him, holding his hands in your lap. “Derek, you love saving lives. You walk into life ready to save someone else’s. I couldn’t make you look at me everyday knowing that I was responsible for Cierra’s death.” 

Derek lifted your hands up to his chest and laid them flat over his heart. 

“This day- this tragedy- does not define who you are. You are still the beautiful, talented, brilliant surgeon that I fell in love with. The one I asked to marry me. You will still be that woman tomorrow and the next day and the one after that. And if you ever need reminding I will ask you to marry me every single day until we walk down that aisle together because I’m not backing out. Better or worse.” His gaze searched yours for a reaction. “Okay?” 

All you could do was nod and lean back into his embrace. You stayed there on the bathroom floor, his legs on either side of you and your head tilted back against his chest. While Derek’s words didn’t erase everything from that day, they helped to take even just a little of the weight off of your heart. It was enough, at least for now and so you slipped your ring back onto your finger and fell asleep in his arms.

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks

[calzona-ga]

In her unauthorized book, Lynette Rice explores the stories behind some of the ABC drama's biggest moments, including — in this exclusive excerpt — the factors that led to McDreamy's shocking death.

In How to Save a Life: The Inside Story of Grey’s Anatomy, author Lynette Rice recounts the ABC medical drama’s eventful 16-year history, revealing new details behind some of the show’s biggest departures. Included in the unauthorized, 320-page oral history (St. Martin’s Press, Sept. 21, $29.99) is a chapter that offers new insight into leading man Patrick Dempsey’s shocking exit in season 11 of the Shonda Rhimes-created drama. In the chapter, Rice speaks with Dempsey’s co-stars and exec producers who were present during filming of his final days on Grey’s Anatomy, and reveals claims of “HR issues” that contributed to the death of his alter-ego, Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd.

“There were HR issues. It wasn’t sexual in any way. He sort of was terrorizing the set. Some cast members had all sorts of PTSD with him,” recalls exec producer James D. Parriott, who was brought back to the series to oversee Dempsey’s exit.

In more than 80 interviews with current and former cast- and crewmembers, Rice, an editor-at-large at Entertainment Weekly, also explores the show’s early days, recounts the thinking behind some of its more polarizing storylines and offers exclusive details about the show’s behind-the-scenes culture.

“After 17 seasons, fans still can’t get enough of Grey’s Anatomy,” Rice tells THR. But what went down behind the scenes was just as dramatic as what viewers saw every Thursday. I’m excited for fans to read what I learned about those early days, along with what it was like to work for Shonda Rhimes, and why the drama was so freakin’ headline-prone.”

Below, The Hollywood Reporter shares an excerpt — the full eighth chapter — from How to Save a Life, and tune in Friday to TV’s Top 5 for an interview with Rice about her book and the other big reveals she uncovered in her reporting for it.

(Reps for ABC, ABC Signature, Shondaland, and Dempsey declined comment on the reveals in Rice’s book.)

“He’s Very Dreamy, but He’s Not the Sun,” Or, How Grey’s Anatomy Loved — Then Learned to Live Without — Patrick Dempsey Ellen Pompeo may have played the titular role, but for many fans over many years, Patrick Dempsey was the real draw to Grey’s Anatomy. Some of it had to do with his celebrity: Dempsey was the most famous member of the original cast at the time of the pilot and brought with him quite a cult following from his 1987 movie Can’t Buy Me Love. But a lot of it was due to the way Rhimes wrote her McDreamy and how Dempsey depicted him. James D. Parriott I would say, “The guy would never say that,” and Shonda would say, “He’s McDreamy. He’s the perfect man. He would say that.” I’d say, “Okay. It’s your show.” Eric Buchman Shonda had a very clear idea of how important it was to keep Derek as this almost idealized love interest, not just for Meredith but for the audience. Naturally, the writers—especially writers who had been working on one-hour dramas for a while—were like, “Well, maybe have McDreamy make a big mistake in surgery and kill somebody. Or he develops an addiction of some kind. What is his deep, dark secret?” Shonda was very insistent: that’s not the character we do that with. Even when you find out he’s married, that was done in a very sympathetic way that kept him being a hero. He was wronged by his spouse and in spite of it all he was still gonna give his marriage a second chance. Stacy McKee Shonda was protective of McDreamy, but it was really with an eye toward being protective of Meredith. I don’t think the two were separate from one another. I don’t think she wanted to put something out there that maybe on the surface might seem a little frivolous. At its core, there was something really substantial that she wanted to say. She wanted to be very specific about the type of relationship values that she put out there. Tony Phelan I was in editing with Shonda once, and it was the scene where Meredith and Derek had broken up. He comes over and she’s like, “I can’t remember the last time we kissed.” And he says, “I remember. You were wearing this and you smelled of this …”

Joan Rater “Your shampoo smelled like flowers, you had that sweater on …” He described their last kiss. Tony Phelan Typically in editing you start on Derek, then you cut to Meredith for a reaction, and then you’ll go back to him. I noticed that we weren’t ever cutting back to Meredith. I asked why. Shonda said, “Because the woman in Iowa who’s watching this show wants to believe that Patrick is talking to her, and if you cut back to Meredith, it pushes them out of it.” In those special moments, we would just lock into Derek and let him do his thing. Joan Rater And he was a master at it. Patrick Dempsey He’s the ideal man, and that’s what Shonda constructed. There’s a projection [of him] onto me when you come in contact with fans, certainly with the younger and older fans. There is a certain amount of expectation. There is a responsibility to it. It made me grow, too. There were good qualities [of his] that you work on to obtain. Off camera, Dempsey was equally as charismatic to his fellow actors, crew members, and anyone who would come to visit the set. Lauren Stamile I was going in to meet him, and I remember I had this little cardigan sweater on and I took it off before I got into the room. Dempsey is one of those people—it’s almost like there’s a light shining around his body, and you feel like you’re the only person in the room. I got so hot and I remember saying, “Gosh, I would take off my sweater if I had one on because I’m so hot, but I took it off.” I was just babbling. He said, “You look nice,” and I said, “You look nicer.” I felt so awkward and he was so gracious and lovely. I was having a nervous breakdown. It’s like this “it” factor. I was like, God, whatever he has, I wish I had. I think it was very obvious how nervous I was, and he went out of his way to make sure he introduced me to everybody and made sure I felt comfortable, which he certainly didn’t have to do. But he did. Joan Rater He knew I had a giant crush on him, and he loved it. And when we’d go to table reads—I was an actress at one point in my life—they would always give me Meredith if Ellen wasn’t there. And I’d be getting my chicken tenders at craft services before the table read and he’d come up behind me and say, “Are you reading Meredith?” in my ear, like, so sexy. I’d be like, Oh my God. I mean, I could barely … I could not look at him. Tina Majorino I worked with Patrick a ton. I love him so much. We had a really great time working together. I think he’s such a great actor and he really made me laugh a lot. I feel like we had a good dynamic in scenes together, and it was always fun to play opposite him. Yes, he’s that charismatic in real life. Yes, his hair is that awesome. Yes, he is dreamy up close.

Chandra Wilson Patrick Dempsey will forever be known as Grey’s Anatomy’s McDreamy. Derek Shepherd is a permanent part of television history.

Norman Leavitt He is a big, personable guy.

Jeannine Renshaw We all love Patrick. Patrick is a sweetheart. If I saw him on the street, I’d give him a hug. I love the guy.

Mark Wilding I’ve always had a soft spot for Patrick. He really does try to do the right thing. Brooke Smith, who played Dr. Erica Hahn, remembers how Dempsey defended her when the decision was made to fire her from the show in 2008. Brooke Smith I remember calling him and saying, “Oh my God, they said they can’t write for me anymore, so I guess I’m leaving.” And he was like, “What are you talking about? You’re the only one they’re writing for.” Which at that time, it kind of did feel that way. But I guess someone didn’t like that. They gave me a statement [to release, about her departure] and I never said it. Patrick said that he actually took it out of his jacket on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and read the statement. He won’t let me forget it. He was like, “I defended you, see?” And it was true.

By season eleven, however, fans saw a disturbing break in MerDer’s once unbreakable bond. Six episodes had gone by without a peep from Derek, who was supposedly in Washington, D.C., where he had apparently made out with a research fellow. Fans began threatening to bolt if their hero didn’t return soon to Seattle. “I have never missed one episode,” wrote a fan on Dempsey’s Facebook page. “But I swear if [Rhimes] kills you off I’m done.” But there was a critical reason for Derek’s strange absence: behind the scenes, there was talk of Dempsey’s diva-like fits and tension between him and Pompeo. To help manage the explosive situation, executive producer James D. Parriott was brought back in to serve as a veritable Dempsey whisperer.

Patrick Dempsey [That] was the first year that I haven’t been in every episode. I [was] in every episode since the pilot— close to 250 episodes. That [was a] huge run. James D. Parriott Shonda needed an OG to come in as sort of a showrunner for fourteen episodes. There were HR issues. It wasn’t sexual in any way. He sort of was terrorizing the set. Some cast members had all sorts of PTSD with him. He had this hold on the set where he knew he could stop production and scare people. The network and studio came down and we had sessions with them. I think he was just done with the show. He didn’t like the inconvenience of coming in every day and working. He and Shonda were at each other’s throats.

Jeannine Renshaw There were times where Ellen was frustrated with Patrick and she would get angry that he wasn’t working as much. She was very big on having things be fair. She just didn’t like that Patrick would complain that “I’m here too late” or “I’ve been here too long” when she had twice as many scenes in the episode as he did. When I brought it up to Patrick, I would say, “Look around you. These people have been here since six thirty a.m.” He would go, “Oh, yeah.” He would get it. It’s just that actors tend to see things from their own perspective. He’s like a kid. He’s so high energy and would go, “What’s happening next?” He literally goes out of his skin, sitting and waiting. He wants to be out driving his race car or doing something fun. He’s the kid in class who wants to go to recess.

Patrick Dempsey It’s ten months, fifteen hours a day. You never know your schedule, so your kid asks you, “What are you doing on Monday?” And you go, “I don’t know,” because I don’t know my schedule. Doing that for eleven years is challenging. But you have to be grateful, because you’re well compensated, so you can’t really complain because you don’t really have a right. You don’t have control over your schedule. So, you have to just be flexible.

Longtime Crew Member Poor Patrick. I’m not defending his schtick. I like him, but he was the Lone Ranger. All of these actresses were getting all this power. All the rogue actresses would go running to Shonda and say, “Hey, Patrick’s doing this. Patrick’s late for work. He’s a nightmare.” He was just shut out in the cold. His behavior wasn’t the greatest, but he had nowhere to go. He was so miserable. He had no one to talk to. When Sandra left, I remember him telling me, “I should’ve left then, but I stayed on because they showed me all this money. They just were dumping money on me.”

Patrick Dempsey It [was] hard to say no to that kind of money. How do you say no to that? It’s remarkable to be a working actor, and then on top of that to be on a show that’s visible. And then on top of that to be on a phenomenal show that’s known around the world, and play a character who is beloved around the world. It’s very heady. It [was] a lot to process, and not wanting to let that go, because you never know whether you will work again and have success again.

Jeannine Renshaw A lot of the complaining … I think Shonda finally witnessed it herself, and that was the final straw. Shonda had to say to the network, “If he doesn’t go, I go.” Nobody wanted him to leave, because he was the show. Him and Ellen. Patrick is a sweetheart. It messes you up, this business.

James D. Parriott I vaguely recall something like that, but I can’t be sure. It would have happened right toward the end, because I know they were negotiating and negotiating, trying to figure out what to do. We had three different scenarios that we actually had to break because we didn’t know until I think about three days before he came back to set which one we were going to go with. We didn’t know if he was going to be able to negotiate his way out of it. We had a whole story line where we were going to keep him in Washington, D.C., so we could separate him from the rest of the show. He would not have to work with Ellen again. Then we had the one where he comes back, doesn’t die, and we figure out what Derek’s relationship with Meredith would be. Then there was the one we did. It was kind of crazy. We didn’t know if he was going to be able to negotiate his way out of it. It was ultimately decided that just bringing him back was going to be too hard on the other actors. The studio just said it was going to be more trouble than it was worth and decided to move on.

Stacy McKee I don’t think there was any way to exit him without him dying. He and Meredith were such an incredibly bonded couple at that point. It would be completely out of character if he left his kids. There was no exit that would honor that character other than if he were to die. Patrick Dempsey I don’t remember the date [I got the news]. It was not in the fall. Maybe February or March. It was just a natural progression. And the way everything was unfolding in a very organic way, it was like, “Okay! This is obviously the right time.” Things happened very quickly. We were like, “Oh, this is where it’s going to go.”

So that was that: McDreamy would die in episode twenty-one of season eleven, even though Dempsey was in year one of his recently signed two-year contract extension. Rhimes wrote a script that was befitting of her lead’s heroic persona: she began “How to Save a Life” by having Derek witness a car crash and helping the injured. Once it appeared everyone was out of harm’s way, Derek continues on his road trip but is suddenly broadsided by a truck.

Rob Hardy (Director) The paramedics leave. He’s there by himself. He’s having a moment. The nice music is playing, and all of a sudden, bang. It comes out of nowhere, which, you know, is how accidents happen. So as opposed to watching it as a viewer, we saw the accident happen through Derek’s perspective. Derek ends up at Dillard Medical Center, a hospital far from Grey Sloan and the talented doctors who work there. His eyes are open, but his brain is severely damaged. No one hears his plea for a CT scan; he can’t speak. To help keep the episode a secret, the scenes were shot in an abandoned hospital in Hawthorne, California, about twenty-two miles from the show’s home studio in Los Feliz.

Mimi Melgaard It was really hard on all of us because it was so secretive and we had so many different locations. We shot at this closed-down hospital that was absolutely creepy haunted. All the scenes there were so sad anyway, and in this yucky-feeling haunted hospital? It was really weird. His whole last episode was really tough. Patrick Dempsey It was like any other day. It was just another workday. There was still too much going on. You’re in the midst of it—you’re not really processing it. Rob Hardy Here’s a guy who’s immobile. Now you’re inside of his head. We were trying to make that feel scary from the perspective of a person who’s used to being in control, from a person who usually has the power of life and death in his own hands. But now he doesn’t have the ability to speak on his own behalf.

Samantha Sloyan When I went to audition, I didn’t recognize any of these doctors’ names. I assumed they were just dummy sides so people wouldn’t ruin the story line or anything like that. All we knew is that we were dealing with a man who’s been in a car accident. I had no idea that it was going to be Derek. I just figured I was going to be a guest doctor and that whoever this person was who was injured, was going to be just a character on the show. Once it became clear what we were working on, I was like, Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe this is the episode I’m on.

Mike McColl (Dr. Paul Castello) I signed an NDA before they would release the script to me. I was reading it in my house, and I was like, “Oh, my God.” I didn’t tell anyone, including my agents. I just said, “This is a really great booking. It’s a great role on Grey’s.” And they didn’t know anything until it aired.

Savannah Paige Rae (Winnie) The first scene I shot was actually the sentimental scene when I’m saying, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives, right?” I’m in the hospital room with Derek and talking to him. Even though I never watched the show, I recognized the value of the episode I was in and just really took it to heart. It was so special that I got to be a part of it.

Rob Hardy [Patrick] had a lot of emotions during the whole shoot, which evolved. I think when we first started, he was very calm and cool … the same Patrick that I remembered when I worked on the show a year or so before. With each passing day, he was a lot more emotional. A lot more was on his mind, and that would show itself in different ways. The finality of the episode and for his character was setting in. You’ve become a global icon on this show and then in five, four, three, two, a day … it’s over.

James D. Parriott Patrick was very cooperative and good.

Mike McColl When I met Patrick, he’s lying on a stretcher and we’re rushing him into the ER. I just introduced myself, shook his hand, and was like, “Man, I cannot tell you what an honor it is to be the guy to take you down.” He loved it. He could not have been nicer to me and was funny through the whole shoot. He was on the table in front of me there when I cut his chest open and all that stuff. He gave me a hug at the end. It was a real privilege to be a part of TV history in that way.

Samantha Sloyan I remember him being incredibly kind. They had his neck in a brace, and he’s strapped down to the board, so there wasn’t a ton of chatting. I remember him being really kind, but it was clearly intense for him.

Stacy McKee It was such a beautiful piece of storytelling. I knew this event was going to be a really sad, horrible event for Meredith, but I also knew it was going to be the beginning of such an incredible chapter for Meredith.

Dempsey completed his final hours of shooting on a rainy night. There was no goodbye party, no goodbye cake. Maybe that’s because some cast members were left out of the loop. James Pickens, Jr., told ABC News that the cast “didn’t know a whole lot. It was kind of on the fly. So whatever information we got, we pretty much got it kind of right before it happened.”

Caterina Scorsone (Dr. Amelia Shepherd) I didn’t get to say goodbye to Patrick when he left. I do think that helped, because I’ve been using the character of Derek in my internal landscape since Private Practice. Derek was the stability in Amelia’s life. He became a father figure after they watched robbers shoot their father. When he was suddenly gone from the show, we didn’t have that closure, so I got to play it out. She’s about to use drugs again before Owen confronts her in a way that she finally talks about her feelings about losing Derek. She doesn’t end up using.

James D. Parriott The day he left, that was my last day. There was a certain sadness to it, but I think he was relieved. I mean, I think it took a toll on him, too.

Rob Hardy I didn’t see other actors showing up and saying, “Hey, it’s the last day! Wanted to come and wish you well.” I didn’t get that. It was more the Patrick show. We were in the Patrick world, and then Ellen came, and there was definitely a lot of emotion that both of them had individually … not necessarily together. It was more so her being there on the day that he died. He had his own way of being with that, and the same thing with her. It was like two people who grew up together and … here we are. They had their own way of reflecting.

Patrick Dempsey I very quietly left. It was beautiful. It was raining, which was really touching. I got in my Panamera, got in rush-hour traffic, and two hours later I was home. Big news like this doesn’t stay quiet for long. Both Michael Ausiello—who left EW in 2010 to launch the news site TVLine—and Lesley Goldberg of The Hollywood Reporter learned two weeks prior to Dempsey’s final episode that he would be leaving the show. No reporter worth their salt wants to sit on a scoop—least of all one as huge as this—but Ausiello and Goldberg didn’t want to spoil the outcome for fans, so they agreed to hold the story until after the episode aired. I eventually found out, too, but in the nuttiest way imaginable: I was standing on the set of CSI: Cyber, watching Patricia Arquette talk about some droll techno-criminal. Unfortunately, the publicist also cc’d Dempsey’s manager and ABC publicist while trying to give me a major story, so I couldn’t immediately report the scoop. But I did use the information to successfully negotiate the one and only exit interview with Dempsey. Two weeks before his final episode, I met him and his publicist at Feed Body & Soul in Venice, California, for a story that would hit newsstands on April 24. He seemed a little shell-shocked and at one point choked up, but at the time he said nothing about how his on-set behavior may have contributed to his ouster. My editor, Henry Goldblatt, wanted to put him on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, but he couldn’t guarantee to ABC that no one would see it before the episode aired. Good thing we didn’t: some subscribers got the issue on the morning of Dempsey’s final episode— and one actually tweeted the story. Our PR department tried to get the tweets removed, but the cat was out of the bag: some fans found out early that McDreamy was about to be McHistory. Outlets like Variety reported how the story got out early, while our PR department released this statement: “We are surprised that an EW subscriber may have received their issue a day earlier than planned. We always try our best to bring readers exclusive news first. We would like to apologize to fans of the show that learned the news ahead of time.” Dempsey’s final episode was watched by 8.83 million viewers—the show’s largest audience since the premiere that season. Variety even pontificated whether the ratings boost was due to my exclusive with Dempsey.

Lesley Goldberg (The Hollywood Reporter) I’m used to working with networks to hold news as part of their efforts to guard against plot spoilers. But the way Patrick Dempsey’s exit was handled involved a layer of paranoia and secrecy that has been unlike anything I’ve seen in my reporting career. News that he was leaving, and his character being killed off, would have been a major story considering how big the show is domestically and internationally. However, it also would have meant spoiling the episode and, more important, damaging key relationships I’ve worked hard to build. At some point, publishing the news of Dempsey’s exit before the episode aired became an ethical question of what was more important—a big story and its subsequent traffic, which would have come no matter what, or the relationships and trust that it took years to craft. Ultimately, I still published early because EW subscribers received the issue with Lynette’s Dempsey interview before the episode aired.

Mike McColl The morning after Derek’s last episode aired, my daughter sent me a link that was on YouTube or Facebook or something. I actually pulled it up to look at it, and it was a Grey’s Anatomy showbiz cheat sheet. It asked the question “Who is the attending doctor who killed Derek ‘McDreamy’ Shepherd?” It included a photo that I posted from the set. I had on a bloody rubber glove and was in my scrubs and mask. I never obviously would have posted this before it aired. I posted it well after the episode aired, and I [captioned it] “McDeadly.” This writer said something like, “Kill McDeadly.” Maybe that’s why the producer didn’t choose a big-name actor to be the one who killed our beloved McDreamy! I want to be ultrasensitive to these hard-core fans because it means so much to them, and I certainly didn’t mean in that case to make light of it. It’s just, I’m an actor, and I recognize it for what it is. Is everybody clear on the fact that this is just pretend and Patrick knew he was going to be leaving the show? It was just like, “God. He’s okay. He really is okay.”

Peter Horton Derek was going to be there forever with Meredith because you went through a whole journey with them. That was incredibly fulfilling. So even if he’s not there, he’s there. I don’t think any of us really worried about that going away because by then you were so invested in it. The show can last as it has for years.

Patrick Dempsey Lots of people [miss him]. “It’s good to see you alive” is the comment I get. I’m like, “Yes, I’m very much alive in reruns.” People were really invested in that relationship. I knew it would be heavy. Very happy to have moved on with a different chapter in my life.

Samantha Sloyan The montage just killed me, when Meredith says, “It’s okay, you can go.” God, I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. The chemistry they have as a pair and the way they were able to build that and sustain it! So many of these relationships are, like, “Will they, won’t they,” and then it wears thin. They sustained it for the duration of their relationship on the show, and it’s just, I think, a testament to what those two created. It was just unbelievable.

Pompeo addressed Dempsey’s departure with a tweet that focused solely on his character, not on how she spent eleven years working side by side with him: “There are so many people out there who have suffered tremendous loss and tragedy. Husbands and wives of soldiers, victims of senseless violence, and parents who have lost children. People who get up every day and do what feels like is the impossible. So it is for these people and in the spirit of resilance [sic] I am honored and excited to tell the story of how Meredith goes on in the face of what feels like the impossible.” Meanwhile, fans futilely created a Change.org petition to reinstate McDempsey, while other, more desperate ones simply tweeted “We Hate You” to Rhimes.

Shonda Rhimes Derek Shepherd is and will always be an incredibly important character—for Meredith, for me, and for the fans. I absolutely never imagined saying goodbye to our McDreamy. Patrick Dempsey’s performance shaped Derek in a way that I know we both hope became a meaningful example— happy, sad, romantic, painful, and always true—of what young women should demand from modern love. His loss will be felt by all.

Talk about the mother (father?) of all postscripts: In November of 2020 Dempsey reprised his role as McDreamy in the season opener—but only in Meredith’s dreams. Stricken with COVID-19, an unconscious Meredith “imagined” reuniting with her husband on the beach. After talking exclusively to Deadline and saying how it was “really a very healing process, and really rewarding,” Dempsey would return for more beach-based episodes that would ultimately stand out as the best moments of season seventeen. “It was a second chance thing,” one ABC executive told me at the time. “Shonda likes a comeback. Also, they wanted him in their last season.”

[tragicxensemble]

ay can u write a derek shepherd imagine?? been ages since I've seen any new ones on the site and I miss my best boi 🥺 nothing specific in mind rn but just a really fluffy one?

Prompt:  "I'm not moving, your lap is comfortable."

A/n: This is short but I hope you like it. No NSFW but just a ˢᵐᵒˡ mention of it. My created gif!

- U⍵U

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

   You plopped down on your couch, bored out of your mind as you found that there was nothing that you could do to occupy yourself. It was a perfect afternoon, the sun was out but it was exceptionally cold outside, so you had no choice but to retreat inside for warmth. You had a day off because of some renovations to the side of the hospital that you worked at, seeing as that it would take a day or two for it to be built. Sighing in defeat you went to the kitchen to see if you could snack on something. "Ugh," you groaned, finding that there nothing that you wanted to eat to satisfy your taste buds, "Why am I so bored..." You whined as you found that the only thing that you could do was annoy - well entertain your husband.

   Walking to his office you knocked on the door lightly, receiving a ‘come in’ from the other side. "Derek?" You whispered, trying not to make him unfocused. "Yes, Honey?" He answered not looking away from his computer. "I'm bored," you fiddled with your fingers, "When are you gonna finish working?" You added, eagerness evident in your voice. "I'll be finished in an hour or two," Derek replied, the clicking of his mouse echoing the room. "An hour..?" You groaned, dragging the last letter as you shuffled towards him. "Derek, please. You're a workaholic. When can you take a break??" Derek spun around to look at you, "You're one to talk. You're a workaholic as well." Derek retorted sassily.

   "That doesn't matter," You walked up to his chair and placed your arms around his shoulders from behind, "What matter is that I'm bored and I need your attention." You responded sourly, you getting slightly annoyed by your husband ignoring you. "Fine," You moved your arms from him and pulled his chair out a bit, "I'll take matters in my own hands." Derek's eyebrows frowned in confusion when suddenly you sat on his lap, bringing a halt to his work. "What are you doing?" He asked, chuckling after speaking. You didn't respond, you just sat there, your hands hugged together in your lap.

   "I have to finish working," Derek responded. "I'm not moving, your lap is comfortable." You giggled, teasing him knowing that he had no choice but to feed into your foolishness. "Alright, that it." In a quick motion, Derek got ahold of your body, carrying you to the living room and throwing you on the couch. He then proceeds to tickle you, making sure laughter came out of your mouth. "Derek...!! Stop! Stop!" You yelled in between giggles. "Surrender," Derek declared as he stopped tickling you for a moment, "Never." You replied playful, as you only had a quick chance to take a breath.

   Derek tickled you once again and you knew you couldn't take it. In the blink of an eye, you pinned Derek to the couch, his hands above his head. His face looked shocked at what just occurred, your breathing unsteady as you tried to catch it. "Do you surrender now?" Derek remarked. "No, but you're gonna take a break from that work," You released his hand from your clasp, "You've been in your office for more than 3 hours." You pouted while sitting on his hips while he laid back. "I'm sorry," Derek apologized as he rested his and on your thighs, gazing into your eyes with a somewhat sad look.

   "I forgive you," you accepted before leaning down kiss him, "But you have to entertain me. I've been bored for hours on end and I want attention." You muffled between kisses, Derek smiling into every last one. "Okay, I'll give you attention." Derek added as you got off of him. "Let's watch to movies while eating junk food," You smile at his comment, him knowing that your favorite thing to do while you were both not busy is to watch movies, "And do forget the popcorn!" You sing-songed, pointing finger guns at him.

[surgeonsoath]

@drmeredithgreyshepherd​ paged Derek Shepherd

He could vividly remember the temperature of the water as it hit his body. The shock had made him pause for a fraction of a second before he dove down. His feet kicked at the current, his arms propelled him downwards. The visibility in the water was poor but he still caught the flash of blue, her body sinking lower. His fingers curled around the fabric, slipping once from his fingers before he had a stronger hold. He pulled her with him, his lungs fighting for air, burning his insides as he kicked faster, his energy already running low. 

His lip trembled as he ran his hand over her hair. His colleagues, his friends working on her to bring her back. He had slipped down the wall the minute he had made it out of the room, soon joined by an unlikely ally. His voice was feverish as he spoke to Addison. “I want to go in there. There’s a risk of brain damage, I need to go in there.” Despite his desire to be in there, he didn’t. Watching Addison walk away, his hands shaking by his side. 

Mark had sent him to the locker rooms, practically escorting him until Derek had convinced him he would be okay. He locked the door to the entire locker room. He needed the time to think. He stripped off his wet clothes and headed into the shower, letting the warm water run down his body. His hand pressed against the cold tiles, his head dropped low, the water hitting the back of his neck, the tears running down his cheeks. His breath came in laboured pants as the emotions worked upwards. He turned, back against the tiles and slipped down them, crouching on the floor as he let the sobs rack his body. Nothing could stop them now. He needed her to live. He needed her. 

. . . . 

Derek leant against the door frame. Just watching. She looked peaceful and yet he had to tell her that her mother had died whilst she had been down. For now, he could bask in the peace. Watching as Meredith woke up, he smiled. “Hey”. He walked forwards, leaning down once he made it to her bedside. Derek placed a kiss on Meredith’s cheek and stepped back. “Meredith...” My mother’s dead, isn’t she? The last few hours had been hell for him. He had been the one to call time of death on her mother. He had tried as hard as he could but it wasn’t enough. “Yes.” Nodding his head as he said the word. As Meredith spoke again, Derek crouched by her bedside, placing a hand on her arm, his thumb stroking over the skin. 

Nothing else existed outside of the room. He wasn’t thinking of Addison or Mark or anyone else. It was just Meredith. He climbed into bed beside her, spooning her, his hand on her arm, his thumb rubbing the skin again. He couldn’t believe that warm blood was pumping through her veins. For some time he just gazed at her. Not a word was said until he finally broke the silence. 

“I’m not whole if you’re not with me.”

[dirty-urie]

McBrendon

Second Person

Brendon x Female Reader

Unspecified Era

Smut Oneshot

NC-17

3.2k Words

Warnings in order of appearance: RPF, language throughout, not pre-discussed roleplay scene, medical roleplay and language, sex

Author's Notes:

So, basically, I was re-watching Grey's Anatomy, and I was like, "What if Brendon was here?" and then this was born. I have no idea if someone who's never watched Grey's Anatomy would understand or appreciate this, but basically what I think you need to know is that Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan are sexy manwhores (in the earier seasons), and a common recurring joke in the earlier seasons of the show is putting "Mc" in front of adjectives to describe love interests. The fic is supposed to be more silly than sexy, but maybe it's sexy too, I don't really know.

"Wait, what about those two?" He asks, and you sigh exasperatedly.

"Brendon, just assume that all of the doctors on the Doctor Sex Show have slept together. That's the whole point."

He groans and slumps back in his chair, "Remind me why we have to watch this overdramatic doctor smut in the theater? The theater should be a sacred space for Disney movies or action movies with boobies and explosions, not 'ohhhh does McCreamy only like Natalie because she hooked up with Appendectomy?.'"

"It's my week on laundry duty, and whoever's folding laundry gets to watch whatever they want wherever they want. That's the rules, but you can go watch something in the living room or on your computer or on your phone if you don't like it," you offer, trying to get rid of him. You love Brendon, you love him so much, but sometimes you need to sit in the dark and fold laundry with no other noises except your soapy little doctor show.

"Fine. The men of the house are going to go watch something manly, don't bother us. Come on, Bogart!"

Brendon's little Jack Russell turns to look at you as if asking to stay, but you pat his back and send him off to go snuggle with his dad. You don't think you could handle Brendon's betrayed gasps if you let Bogart finish the episode with you. You and Penny will be fine ogling at Patrick Dempsey while file-folding Brendon's 68 pairs of gray and black sweatpants alone. Brendon kisses your cheek before he leaves. "Have fun with the boobs and explosions, babe," you tell him on his way out of the room.

"Oh, you know I will!"

•••

Two weeks later, it's your turn to fold laundry again, and you're back to watching Grey's, this time in the living room. The dogs are sitting next to you, eyes glued to the screen. Brendon's also in the room, bitching about "introducing this drivel into our home," but you're ignoring him because you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

He finally quiets down, and you appreciate the five minutes of peace. Until… "Are you unsatisfied with our sex life?" He asks out of the blue.

You're taken completely aback for a second before you scramble to pause the tv. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what? Where did this come from?" you ask him. What the fuck? Is he unsatisfied with your sex life?

"Well, we haven't had sex in weeks practically." Three days actually. It's been three days, but you don't interrupt him. "And you keep watching this sexy doctor show, so I don't know, maybe you're feeling like a bored housewife," Brendon explains.

You laugh at him, and he looks offended. "You're overthinking it, baby boy. It's just a show! Sure, the sexual tension between the entire hospital and Mark Sloan is spicy and exciting, but I'm not trying to compensate for anything lacking in my life. If anything, all that spice just translates into better sex for both of us. Okay?"

He looks very skeptical. "Hm, sure. I totally believe you."

You don't necessarily think you properly got your point across to him, but Meredith just made another bad decision, and you need to see how it pans out. "Okay, great, now go watch a manly show with Bogs in our room if you're going to keep whining."

Brendon does not, in fact, go into your room to watch a manly show on his laptop. Instead, he and Bogart start watching season 1 of Grey's Anatomy, immediately getting highly invested in the lives of the ambitious-yet-messy surgical interns. He's trying to figure out what exactly appeals to you about the show.

•••

It's his turn to fold the clothes, and he's doing it wrong, but you're resisting the urge to do it for him because you're a feminist, damnit. He's still letting you watch Grey's Anatomy because he's a doll (and you don't know this, but he's also become a bit of a fan.)

"Do you think I'm more a Mark Sloan or a Derek Shepherd?" He asks.

You scoff, "You're a George."

"I am not! I'm way sexier than George!"

"You're just jealous because I'm an Addison."

"Pshh, you're a Bailey. You wanna know how I know?" He asks.

"Fine. Tell me." You give in.

"You desperately want to correct my laundry technique."

•••

"Meet me in the on-call room in five," Brendon whispers against the back of your neck while you're drying the dishes from dinner. What is this man doing? "Meet you where?" You ask, but he's already walked away. You're not sure whether to actually wait the five minutes or just try to go find him.

You give him three minutes before going to the bedroom. You honestly don't know what you were expecting, but it wasn't Brendon laying on his side in the middle of your bed, shirtless under a white coat. He has on a pair of navy blue scrub pants that aren't particularly flattering, but they still look nice on him.

"Explain to me what's happening here, homie," you tell him.

"I'm being sexy for you! So sexy! I'm Dr. Brendon "McKinky" Urie, I'm a general surgery attending, but my real specialty is pleasure."

You visibly cringe for him. "You're a McDoofus, and your real specialty is probably malpractice."

He pouts. "Play along. Come on. Please? Be Dr. Y/N Sexy."

You roll your eyes. "Why do you get your real last name, but I'm Dr. Sexy?"

"Because we're not married in this fantasy! We're both cheating on our spouses but not in a tragic way, in a sexy way! Come on! Let yourself have fun," he pleads.

You feel yourself start to cave. "Fine, I'll play along, but I'm stopping this the minute I feel weird, okay?"

"Of course. And, babe, if you don't want to do this, you absolutely do not have to," he says, serious now.

"No, no, Brendon. I'm down for this. I think you're a total goof for doing it, but I trust you."

He brightens, "Great! Now it's time for your examination." He waggles his eyebrows, climbing off the bed and gesturing for you to take his place.

"Exam? Am I a patient? Why am I in the on-call room if I'm a patient?" You ask.

"Doctors need exams too, y'know. We're both doctors, but I don't know, you need a routine exam for like moles or something. Take your clothes off." He says, and you take a split-second to be grateful that Brendon got discovered for his musical talents and will therefore never be an actual doctor.

You stifle back your laughter and strip down to your underwear, lying on your back on top of the white sheet he put over the comforter to protect the bed from any potential messes. He stands over you next to the bed, and you're happy that you at least get to stare at his body during this little experiment. The whole "doctor" thing may not be driving you wild on its own, but your half-naked husband always will.

"Thank you for coming to this appointment, Dr. Y/N Sexy," he says. Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, you chant in your head. "First," he says, making his voice husky, "I need to test your reflexes." Something tells you he won't be using one of those little hammers. He bends down and breathes against your neck. You shiver, and goosebumps appear on your arms. You're glad you wore your front clasp bra when he unclips it and has immediate access to your breasts. He circles around your nipple with his finger, and they harden quickly. "Mmm, good reflexes indeed. Very responsive," he purrs. "I don't think your test results are conclusive yet. You should keep going," you encourage. He rubs your scalp, and your head rolls back. You're worried that you'll start drooling.

Brendon smirks at you a little, and his smugness is slightly infuriating. Yes, you like him touching you, but that hardly proves that his weird roleplaying was a good idea. "Just like I observed, fantastic reflexes. But I now must move on to the chest exam." He rests his head on your chest, and you're beginning to suspect that this whole thing was just a ploy to touch your boobs a lot. "Is your heart rate always this fast or just when your hot coworker is touching you?"

"Normally only my husband, also named Brendon… for some reason, can get me so worked up, but now I'm thinking of leaving him for you, McCrinkly."

"It's McKinky, and your husband sounds gorgeous and super smart. You should keep him around," he says, climbing onto you and groping your breasts. "In my professional opinion, these are nice tits."

You have to bite your lip to resist the urge to laugh again. You wouldn't quite say you're aroused, but you are having fun at least. "Okay, okay, doc. Enough of the preliminary exam; I need five and a half inches, stat."

"You couldn't round up to six while we're playing!?"

"Oh, come on, you're lucky I rounded up to five and a half!"

"Rude! So rude!"

You kiss him to shut him up. "Sorry, baby, I won't bully you anymore. Now, how about a cervical exam?" You suggest, craving his thickness inside you.

That cheers him up. Brendon resumes his doctor roleplay. "First, let me complete the dermatological examination. If you could remove your undergarments, please."

You throw your bra on the floor and take off your underwear.

He admires the small amount of newly-exposed skin. "So many marks on your breasts and pubic region. Did your hot husband leave these too, or should I investigate for a skin condition?" He asks, ducking between your thighs to add some more.

"Yeah, he left them there. My sexy husband is kind of the best, but enough about him," you say.

New dark spots pop up after he finally moves his mouth from the sensitive skin of your thighs. "Oops, I think I just burst a couple of capillaries."

Well, someone did some light googling. "Do you think I'll make it?" You ask, faking drama.

"Yes, but you'll need someone to pay lots of attention to the area between your thighs."

He never mastered the art of subtly, did he? "I don't think that will be an issue. My husband will be thrilled."

"Great, that's taken care of. Shall we commence with the cervical exam then?" He asks, rolling off you to tug off his scrubs and underwear. He keeps his dumb coat on, which is more goofy than sexy without clothes underneath, but you don't tell him that. "And we can test your motor skills at the same time. Hands and knees, please."

You obey, and he moves behind you to enter you. He pushes into you quickly and hard, just like you like it. "God, there's so much blood in my, hm, um corpus cavernosum… I think," he says.

"Your what? Are you trying to cast a Harry Potter spell? because that's a whole different roleplay," You crane your neck back to see him, and your eyes widen. "Brendon, are you," you need to pause to choke back your laughter, "are you reading from a flashcard? While inside me?"

He's on his knees behind you, squinting at a white notecard. He flips the card over and reads from it, "the corpus cavernosum is, um, the main erectile tissue in the genitals. So, uh, I was trying to say that I'm hard for you."

That's it, you can't contain your laughter. You can't even bear to look at Brendon without cracking up. Tears are streaming down your face. He hisses, and you think it's because you've upset him, but you turn back to look at him, and he's biting his lip, his head tilted back.

"Are you good, B?" You ask, a little worried.

He's breathing hard. "Yeah, just your laughing caused contractions around my cock, and I was not prepared. Felt good, just unexpected." He pulls almost all the way out and then jerks back in, not quite slamming but gearing up to it.

"Faster, please. Careful still, but faster," you request.

He speeds up perfectly, finally filling you up and relieving the ache inside you. You relish each time his hips meet your body, feeling close to him, even if the position isn't as intimate as he usually likes. You suppose successful Dr. Kinky, notorious womanizer, wouldn't necessarily want to make loving, passionate eye contact with all of his conquests.

"So, Dr. Kinky-"

"No, it's doctor Urie, McKinky."

Jesus, you need a script. "So, Dr. Urie, do you have enough energy after all those lobotomies or whatever to rub a girl's clit? I bet my husband, the other Brendon, would touch me."

"Well, I would never even bother to compete with such a stellar man, but I can still try to get you off." His hands move between your thighs to touch your cunt. "Oh no, so much excess fluid here. I hope nothing's wrong." He puts a finger on your throbbing clit and feigns a sigh of relief, "Good, I've found a pulse." His touch is feather-light as he slowly strokes you. The contrast between his fast, hard thrusts and delicate strokes somehow enhances both of his actions.

"Oh, that's nice," you moan.

"You mind if I have you roll over? I still have to test your flexibility, and I'd love to do that with your legs on my shoulders."

"Fuck yeah."

He pulls out, and you get on your back; he gets you ready by situating the pillows underneath you. You rest a leg on either shoulder, and he thrusts in again. You don't want to admit it to him, but you feel like you'll need to come soon. The spikes of pleasure pulsing between your legs have been getting stronger and closer together, and now that you can see what you do to him, rather than just hearing his occasional grunts, you feel even closer to crossing that finish line.

"I'm observing some rapid contractions, Sexy. Should I note in your chart how close you are to coming all over me? Because it seems to me that you're failing your stamina and endurance evaluation," Dr. Urie teases.

You close your eyes to try to eliminate a source of the arousal, but you still feel painfully close to the edge.

Brendon inadvertently shifts a bit, and that does it. Your arousal peaks intensely, and you try to restrain your reactions on the off chance he doesn't notice. However, you're pretty sure he does notice your orgasm when his movements slow to a stop, and that's confirmed when he outright says it. "You just came," he states. It's not a question.

You nod, not bothering to deny it.

He pulls out, and you finally get to see his still-hard cock soaked with your wetness. "Well I suppose, we can run… further tests to reach a full diagnosis," he practically croons, pulling his scrub pants back on, and a wave of lust spreads from your stomach. Fine, the doctor thing is a little hot. "It's up to you though, I defer to your professional opinion."

"I think my exam is complete, actually, but I know you've been complaining of some pain in this region," you give his crotch a quick squeeze. "Do you mind stripping so I can investigate?"

He immediately takes off his coat, obviously excited, and gives it to you, so you put it on. "So, can you describe the pain?" You ask, putting a hand on his thigh.

"Kind of an ache, I guess?"

You squeeze his thigh, "And you'd say the pain is mainly here?"

"No, uh, um, to the right."

You squeeze his other thigh, "Oh, I see, right here?"

"No, not, um, my thigh."

"Sorry, I understand." You lay your hand flat on his stomach, still carefully avoiding his cock. "Your stomach must be hurting."

"Still not quite."

You clench your jaw in fake frustration. "Well, could you just show me where you need my attention, Doctor Urie?"

He shoves down his pants and grasps his leaking cock, groaning in relief when he starts to tentatively touch himself.

"Yes, very good, thank you. Would you say the ache subsides with stimulation?" You ask professionally.

Brendon nods and smirks a bit, "Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, I think you just need to achieve ejaculation," you diagnose.

"Is that, ah, covered under my insurance?" He asks cheekily, still jerking himself.

You laugh, going to dig the lubricant out, "Okay," you nudge his hand away, "leave this to the professionals." You pour the clear lube into your hand. "This may be a bit cold," you warn. He doesn't really need the lube, he's both leaking profusely and still slick from being inside you, but you want to keep up the "doctor vibes." You grasp him firmly and stroke quickly, trying to get him off as soon as you can. You kind of want to use your mouth, but you can't think of a good reason to within the roleplay. That's mostly fine, though, because you can tell he's about to come.

He comes all over your hand without warning a minute or so later. He shudders and groans, spurting twice more. You didn’t realize how worked up he was. Of course, you saw how hard he was, but to come this much from just jerking him off means he was really turned on. "Outstanding sperm production, sir," you say, crudely wiping him up with a tissue.

"Okay, no more doctor talk. My brain is too mushy," he groans.

You take off the coat and get into bed, cuddling against him. "If your brain is mushy, you probably should see a doctor."

He giggles. "So, would you do this again?"

You think for a second. "Well, I'd roleplay with you again, but you have to warn me next time. And probably not the doctor thing again. It was hot playing with you, but thinking about actual medical procedures is not my thing."

He yawns, "Noted about the warning you next time, and that's too bad. I was really looking forward to the oral exam. How big is your mouth? How's your swallow technique?" He says, half-jokingly.

"Hey, don't push it, or we're doing a prostate exam, and due to budget cuts to the hospital, we're going to be low on lubricant."

He cringes, "Point taken. I don't need a doctor roleplay; the next time I want a blowjob, I'll just ask."

You get out of bed and put on your pajamas. "Well, if it's in the next 45 minutes, your request is getting denied because Penny Lane, Bogart, and I are watching the real Grey's Anatomy in the theater while you're still too weak to complain about it. And this is a good time to tell you that my character is not actually a medical doctor. I have a PHD in film studies. I’m a fraud.”

His mouth drops open, "You're telling me that wasn't an official medical handjob?!"

"I trust that you'll get over this. Love you, babe."

He scowls but still mutters a quiet, “I love you too.”

[zaynmirrors]

The Mysterious Case: Part 1

Pairing: Derek Morgan x reader 

warnings: pg-13? Cursing, mentions of sex, kidnapping, murder. 

His memories surfaced, passing through his mind. There she was leaned back in the passenger seat, wind whipping around the small strands of hair framing her face. The golden sun playing peek-a-boo through the trees, kissing her skin ever so slightly. She looked over and smiled, laughing as she said “What?” her voice echoed over and over.

He rubbed his face sighing heavily, causing Hotch to look over at him. “You alright?”

Derek nodded, “Yeah, I just can’t wrap my head around why,” it was a lie and Hotch knew it but decided to leave it alone. They were 34 hours into a kidnapping case of fellow FBI agent y/n y/l/n.

Derek Morgan had gone to check on her when she hadn’t made it into work. The door was ajar, and the once usual spry German Shepherd named Daisy was hunkering in a corner of the yard snarling at anyone she didn’t know who came too close.Now they were stuck with what seems to be a dog for a witness and no leads. 

Daisy whines as she leaned against Derek, his hand falling down to give her head a rub focusing on her ears which was her favorite spot.

JJ sighs heavily defeated as she walks into the room, everyone turned towards her as she says,  “there was a body found”

Derek’s stomach dropped, he felt sick. He tried to calm his breathing, Daisy offering assistance as she laid her head in his lap. His mouth tried to form the words but they fell short.

Reid spoke up first, stuttering out, “uh do we- is it-?” And he trailed off looking down at the floor unable to finish his thought. Derek mentally thanked Reid for speaking his silent thoughts.

The team was floored and unsure of how to react, y/n was one of their own who could now possibly be that body. “JJ and I will go check out the body,” Hotch said, catching Derek and the team's attention.

“Hotch, man you gotta let me come,” Derek said, his knee bouncing along with Daisy’s head. Hotch seemed to think for a moment.

“Alright, Morgan And I will go check it out, the rest of you keep working until we know for sure,” Hotch said. Derek didn’t want to believe this was her, he wouldn’t accept it. As Derek stood Daisy whined, he gave her head a rub before walking over to Hotch.

The two drove down to the body’s dumpsite, anxiety swelled in Derek as Hotch put the car in park. Hotch made no move to get out but instead looked over at Derek. “How long?” he asked.

Derek sighed, keeping the relationship secret was the one thing they had, the one private thing. It was selfish to want to keep it a secret longer. “About eight months”

Hotch stayed silent as he nodded, “Do you think it’s a good idea for you to be on this case?” He asks after a moment of silence.

“Yes,” Derek simply said before getting out of the car, Hotch sighing and following in suit. The two walked over to the swarm of people.

Derek’s heart thrumming in his chest, he felt nauseous. He’d never experienced such anxiety, his palms sweaty as he approached the tape.

It’s when he saw her hair, he stopped and looked away, trying to shake the thoughts. It’s not her he told himself trying to push forward.

Hotch looked back and waited on him, Derek continued on and met with him. Derek dared not to look at her, not wanting to know if it was y/n but he had no choice. Maybe it wasn’t a good decision to go, but he needed to know.

Her face was pale, lips parted, soul missing from her eyes. Derek had never been so torn up about a body before, not when it could possibly be his girlfriend.

Hotch was already under the tape, hovering over the corpse, examining her. Derek came up beside him and glanced down. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked over the features, “it’s not her” he says just for Hotch.

“No, but similar.” Hotch mentions. Causing Derek to nod at the similarities. “Probably not a coincidence.” the two continued looking over the girl when Derek noticed something white behind her lips, he sighed and gently pushed his fingers into her mouth and pulled out a piece of paper.

Hotch looked over as Derek unfolded the paper, Derek's eyes scanned the paper, reading over the printed words. She’s a maneater, you’ll wish you’d never met her at all. Do you wish you’d still met her?

Maneater plays loudly as he watches the way she moves her hips feeling like watching her was wrong, she was like his family. “Are you going to keep staring or are you going to join her?” Garcia asks, catching Derek off guard.

“Uh-“ he rubs the back of his neck, unsure of how to answer. Garcia chuckles, knowing she’d caught her friend in the act. “I don’t-“

“It doesn’t take a profiler to know you have a crush” she chuckles, causing him to let out a nervous laugh. “Go” she gently pushed her friend in y/ns direction.

He walked up to her and she smiled, he didn’t have to say anything. She turned all her attention to him, pulling him close to her. She moved so effortlessly, so free against him. He let go, moving right back against her loving the way her body fit perfectly against him.

He leaned his head down, letting his lips graze her ear. She shivered, relishing the feeling. “Yes?” She asked, he could hear the smile on her face.

“Who gave you the right to tease me, baby girl” his voice was low and husky, her smile just widened though he couldn’t see it.

“Didn’t realize I was teasing you, Derek” she practically purred. Derek groans quietly. That night their relationship changed, they finally knew how each other felt but didn’t dare act on it there.

“You know what it means?,” Hotch asks looking over.

Derek nods, Hotch looked at him telling him to continue. “It’s referencing the song we danced to the night I made a move” silently adding ‘after being shoved by Garcia’ in his head. 

Hotch nodded taking it in, not saying anything. They continued looking around for evidence and once they were done headed back to the office letting the team know it wasn’t y/n. 

Derek walked into the office and Daisy darted to him crying as she rubbed against him, he squatted down and wrapped his arms around her calming the dog down tremendously. 

- 

The team was tired, it was officially four days into the case and made zero progress. Derek hadn’t slept in at least 24 hours, not daring to while his girlfriend was missing.

The phone on his desk rang, he rolled his eyes and answered in a professional manner. He was met with silence, “Hello?” he asked into the phone.

It was silent for another moment before someone spoke, “I can’t believe she chose you” the voice was deeply coarse, and calm. Derek knew immediately he was talking about Y/N. He looked around for his team to try and get someone’s attention. “Don’t think about it Agent Morgan or she’ll get it” 

Derek slumped in defeat glancing around making sure no one was paying attention, “What do you want”

“Her,” He said simply. “She used to love me too, you’re nothing special. She’ll ruin you.” He went quiet for a moment, Derek heard shuffling “You know she keeps crying for you, it’s kinda pathetic” then a muffled cry, his heart sank he knew it was her. “You won’t find her, just take the money and run Derek” the line then went dead. 

“Son of a bitch” he yelled angrily, shoving his phone and several papers off his desk, he earned looks from his team and several other onlookers. His eyes stung with the promise of coming tears. 

“Don’t take the money” played as y/n danced around her kitchen while she cleaned the dishes. Derek watched her chuckling, he came and wrapped around her shorter frame. 

She leaned into him swaying to the music. Derek nuzzled his face into her neck giving it a kiss. Y/N smiled and continued with the last dish. She washed the suds off her hands before turning in Derek's arms to face him. 

Y/N placed a kiss on his soft lips which he returned hungrily, as if they hadn’t just ate moments ago. He carefully backs her against the counter causing a moan to erupt from the back of her throat. 

He lifted her up onto the counter eagerly stripping her down while she was doing the same to him, he took her right there against the counter. 

Emily was standing next to Derek when he finally pulled himself from the memory. “What’s going on” he shook his head. “Derek come on please” the rest of the team had made their way over and so Derek told them everything, word for word. 

Garcia tried to run the number but nothing came up of course, he had used a burner phone. The team talked over the options for what felt like hours.“She was there with him” Derek said he was sure it was her. It had to be.

Hotch spoke up, “Are you sure it was her, did you hear her.”. Derek sighed and shook his head he knew in his gut it was her. Hotch sighed and looked to Rossi, the two sharing a silent conversation, both in agreement.

Rossi looked at Derek, “You need to go home and get some rest” Derek shook his head, there was no way he would be able to rest. He hadn’t been able to sleep well not since she was missing. 

“She’d want you to get some rest” Garcia spoke up. causing Derek to sigh she was right, “Come on I’ll take you home” He stood up and walked with her. Garcia made sure he got inside okay and said she was a call away if he needed her. 

Garcia wanted nothing more than to stay and console one of her best friends but the team needed her back at the office, back to put the bastard in jail. Derek was left alone with Daisy surrounded by memories of Y/N.

Daisy followed Derek as he walked into his bedroom, he didn’t bother taking his pants off, he kicked off his shoes and laid down, Daisy jumping up and laying behind him. 

His bed felt cold without her, there were times when they’d sleep apart but now the bed was frigid, ice cold. Loneliness gripped at him as he closed his eyes. Daisy was curled up against his back, radiating as much heat and comfort as she could. It took him awhile but Derek finally fell asleep. 

The bed was warm, like bathing in sunshine. Derek awoke fully and looked down.  They were an entangled mess of limbs and sheets. Y/Ns head rested on his bare chest, her leg wrapped around his waist still passed out from the night before.

Their night had consisted of booze with the team and the desperate need to feel all of each other. Y/N stirred, pulling him impossibly closer to her nude body. Derek smiled and ran a hand through her hair savoring the moment. “I love you” He had said quietly knowing she wouldn’t hear.

He laid there and made no attempt to move, just letting her sleep until she woke on her own. She stretched as she woke pulling her warmth away from him, “Morning sleepy head” he chuckled giving her a quick peck. 

“Good morning Baby” Y/N said, still groggy. She pouted realizing warmth was missing and pulled him closer. He just smiled.

He jerked awake when his phone rang, he had no idea what time it was. Daisy whined as he reached for his phone. His mind was still groggy as he answered “hello?”

“Derek!” The sound of her panic voice woke him up, sending a chill down his spine. “Help me, please” she sobbed for him, begging for help.

“Y/N!” He sat up not sure what to do. He was frozen unsure what was about to happen next. This could be the last time he’d hear her voice, and it was her pleading for help and Derek had no clue where to start.

“Please” she begged over and over again. As if it was on repeat. “Help me!” The scream was guttural, it caused chills to erupt on his skin and tears to well in his eyes.

“Times ticking agent Morgan” and then the line went dead. He let out a frustrated scream rubbing his face. Daisy pawed at him, grabbing his attention. She gave his cheek a gentle lick which caused a small broken smile to spread across his face.

-

He had changed his clothes before heading back into the office later that afternoon. Rossi was the first to notice and walks over pulling him to the side. “How’d you sleep?”

Derek shook his head, “I didn’t, bastard called me. She was-“ he paused and bit on his lip. “She was begging me to help her” his voice cracked as he finished. He could still hear her desperate screams echoing in his ears. It was something he’d never forget.

Rossi sighs, “We’ll find her” he placed a hand on Derek's’ shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Though to Derek, at this point it sounded like an empty promise.

Hotch came out of the conference room and looked over at the two before nodding back at the room. Rossi gave Derek a pat on the back before the two followed him. Only to find out there has been another body found. 

Part Two 

[shelbgrey]

Smut Alphabet(Derek Shepherd)

Paring: Derek Shepherd x Wife!Reader

Summary: smut Alphabet and headcanons with McDreamy!

💙MasterList 💙ML2 💙MoodBoard

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He's very attentive when it comes to aftercare, all he cares about is your comfort. If it was a particularly rougher night he'll hold you and kiss every mark while you catch your breath. After you have mentally and physically calm down, he'll run you a hot bath and clean you up.

He's so soft and will praise you to no end “That's a good girl. Just relax and catch your breath, I've got you.”

If you want to take a shower and get cleaned up, Alex will lift you up in his arms and carry you to the shower, he'll hold you safe and will be extremely gentle with your sensitive body.

B = Body part (your favorite body part of his and his favorite of yours)

Everything and anything to do with his eyes is just perfect to you. The way he keeps eye contact during sex is so intense. It's amazing how those blue eyes can be so sweet and playful then turn dark with lust and intensity in the next.

His hair, you love grabbing it and tugging on it rather he's pounding you into the mattress or eating you out like a starved man.

He didn't realize how much he actually liked it until you started pulling on his hair while he was eating you out. “Damn... Do that again... Please”

He's a boob guy. He'll bury his face into your boobs as he pounds into you. He loves it when you start moaning and tugging at his hair as he bites and sucks on your skin. He honestly can’t get enough.

He also loves your thighs. Just the feeling of his hands moving up to grasp your thighs and pulling them around his hip, letting your body know he wanted you closer.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically…I’m a disgusting person)

He always puts your pleasure above his, he loves Nothing more than to make you cum on his tongue.

He'll lap at your clit with so much hunger, circling his tounge over your swollen bud until you're a moaning mess. When he thinks he's teased you enough he'll take it into his mouth, eating you out like a starving man until you're cumming hard on his tongue.

Sometimes he needs to feel you cum around him first. The feeling of your body convulse around him will trigger his release. He'll bury his face in the crook of your neck and keep bucking his hips into yours until he feels himself become spent. “damn you're beautiful...”

he'll groan as you suck him hard, his hips moving erratically as he gets close to cumming hard down your throat. He'll tangle his fingers in your hair as he shoots a load down your throat.

“Derek... Derek! I'm gonna cum!” you moaned desperately.

Your desperate voice would urge him to buck his hips faster against yours. He'd nipped your skin, whispering: “Come for me, Baby” His hands moved to your hips, holding you steady as he felt your walls tighten around him.

D = Dominant? (Pretty self-explanatory, how dominant is he)

He's very much the dominant person in the bedroom, but he wants to know you're both in control. He'll order you around and be rough, but the moment you say stop or slowly down he will immediately.

He'll move fast and softly, but he's also paying close attention to you and your body language. Like he'll pause, giving you time to adjust to the sensation of his cock inside you if you're taking him for the first time, but he'll remain in control. “Breathe, baby... I got you”

He'll be in control, but he also gives you a sense of safety and wants you to know you can trust him.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Of course he's experienced, he's McDreamy after all.

But, yes he's pretty experienced. I think he doesn't mind adding on to the experience too, especially when it's with you. He probably knows your body better than you do. He knows every single one of your ticks.

If you both are experienced, but with just one partner before dating each other, you both love helping each other explore new things you couldn't before during sex. He's so patient and he gets smug when he finds the small and big things that make you tick.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Missionary will always be his favorite, keeping eye contact while he fucks you and feeling that closeness. He loves how you dig your nails into his back and wrap your legs around his waist to bring him impossibly closer.

He always needs it to be little but rough, positioning himself and slamming into you. He'll wrap your legs around his waist, holding you against him as he thrust into you hard and fast. “fuck, you feel amazing”

Derek loves to see you stting ontop of a desk with him standing between your legs while he fucks you. Especially when he was chief, he couldn't get enough of the office sex.

Bending you over his desk is a sight he'll never get tired of. His hands going to the small of your back, pressing you firmly against his desk.

Especially when he's chief this potion is his favorite way to let out some frustration. Rubbing his thick cock against your exposed wetness while his voice is firm, commanding. “Hands flat on the desk. Don't move them”

He loves it when you ride him or when you use him to get yourself off. He'll watch you with burning desire in his eyes as you move your body against his and become a moaning mess

The sight of you in his shirt while riding him? Gets every fucking time, the bouncing on his cock, his riding up your body and your nipples peaking through, the hottest thing he'd ever seen. “Fuck, you're so beautiful” he groans, bucking up his hips to meet yours.

You can't ride him without him reaching up and playing with your breasts. He loves teasing your nipples to the sound of your voice, screaming his name in pleasure. It drives him wild. “Harder,” he growled. “Ride me harder, baby.”

Fuck and him getting you on your knees? He loves it. The way you drop to your knees for him, He can't help but let out a soft groan when you free his hard cock, getting ready to make him cum with your mouth.

He always lets out deep groans when you wrap your small hand around his thick shaft, slowly pumping him. He never fails to place a hand on your head to gently play with your hair and guide you to his hardened cock. “Open that pretty little mouth for me, baby”

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

He can be so goofy, it's natural given he has such a loving personality. Sex is an important thing he wants between you and him, but it's a way for you to be close and show the comfort you take in one another. You're comfortable with each other so of course he'll crack a few jokes.

H = Hair(Hair pulling?)

He didn't realize how much he actually liked it until you started pulling on his hair while he was eating you out. “damn... Do that again... Please”

He just loves it when you tug at his hair, especially when he's eating you out.

He'll always grip your hair tight while you're giving head, using his fist full of your hair to move your head slowly back and forth over his length as you take him into your mouth.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's such a romantic and puts thought into every moment even if it's a heat of the moment situation. He made sure your first time was special and he intends to make every other time that way, he knows you deserve it.

After sex he just wants to study your face, taking in the loving gaze you have for him, the slight blush on your cheeks from your excitement, and the way your lips were slightly swollen from their passionate kisses. “You're so beautiful, you know that?” He whispered, his voice filled with emotion.

J = Jealous? (Is he the jealous type? Are you? )

He's more nervous than jelouse. He trusts you with his heart and soul, but after Addison and Mark, he gets scared.

But he can get jelouse and pissed if someone flirts with you. “He was all over you,” Derek grumbled. “He's lucky I didn't march right over and punch him right in the mouth”

But that just means jealous sex, he doesn't mind reminding you who you belong too. If he sees Mark shamelessly flirting with you expected to be tied to bed as fucks your brains out. If he sees Jackson touch you in a way thats reserved only for him you’re pinned against the wall.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Praise kink: He definitely has a Praise kink, he loves making you feel loved and appreciated. He love how he can easily make you blush. “God, your so beautiful”

He loves praising you with his actions, he truly believes that actions speak louder than words. He'll always puts your pleasure and well-being above his own. “You feel so good, baby, so perfect”

Sir kink: he's never been one for dominant names in the bedroom, but something about the way you say 'sir' gets him hard and thinking nasty thoughts. “fuck, I love the way you call me that”

Bondage: He loves using his ties or his belt around your wrists and tying them above your head and to the headboard. Even though it gets rough in this position, he always makes sure you're okay. “Comfortable?” He asks, running his hands up your arms.

When he knows you're okay his eyes could get dark and unreadable as he looks at you all tied up and at his mercy. “You like being tied up and taken like this?”

He'll get lost in the moment, his movements becoming even more frantic and rough as he fucks you into the mattress, the tie on your wrists digging into your skin. “Fuck yes! You're mine. Mine to tie up, mine to fuck”

But when it's all said and done, he'll go back to his gentle self and make sure you're okay and not hurt. “Are your wrists okay?”

“Good, Because I love having you helpless and at my mercy... But only if you like it too, okay?”

Choking kink: He loves wrapping his hand around your throat, squeezing ever so slightly. He didn't realize how much he would enjoy it until you suggested it. “Such a naughty girl, begging to be choked while I fuck you senseless”

His thumb will always come down and caress the spot where your pulse beats faster. “You're such a good girl, begging to be choked while I fuck you raw”

He'll wrap his large hand completely around your throat, almost cutting off your air supply as he pounded into you mercilessly. His other hand slid down to your belly, pressing firmly against your stomach to keep you flat on your back and completely at his mercy.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom, this is a given. He can guarantee your comfort and it's just convenient for both parties. Most importantly he can tie your wrists to the bed post.

His office when he was chief

His trailer

On-call rooms.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, what turns you on)

Eye contact really turns him on, the way your pupils dilate when you look up at him or when your body brushes up against his. Sometimes when you're walking down the hallway of the hospital, he has to press himself against you so no one sees the bulge in his pants.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He loves a woman who knows what she wants. He has a thing when you voice your desires, if you just walk up behind him while he's painting and whisper all the dirty things you want him to do to you will instantly turn him on and he'll drop everything for you immediately. The more details you are, the more turned on he gets. He loves it when you get all confident and tell him what you want with no shame.

Red lipstick turns him on, he thinks it's sexy and beautiful on you. It's a total turn on if you're wearing red lipstick while you're giving him head or marking his neck with love bites.

He'll never degrade you, he refuses to call you slut. Slut doesn't even come to mind when he looks at you or while he's fucking you.

You both are no stranger to experimenting in the bedroom, if you both agree and you trust him you'll try it. If there's a possibility in you getting hurt there's no way in hell he'll agree. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves eating you out and putting your pleasure first. He always starts by pressing a soft kiss to your center before slowly dragging his tongue up your slit.

He'll part your folds with his fingers, exposing your clit so he can swirl his tongue around your sensitive bud. He'll alternat between broad, flat licks and pointed flicks, each touch making you moan louder.

Derek will grip your hips while he uses his tongue to bring you closer to the edge of pleasure. When he knows you're getting closer, he'll double down with his efforts, letting his tongue do the work while his hands girp your thighs or hips.

He is so vocal when he's getting head, he'll let out deep groans and moans when you deep throat him.

His eyes will roll back when he feesl your throat relaxing around him. “Christ, look at you taking it like such a good girl”

He'll grab your head with both hands, increasing his pace, his cock hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

His choking kink comes into use sometimes. He'll grab your throat lightly with one hand while continuing to fuck your mouth. “You like being used like this, don't you? Being choked while I fuck your throat?” His voice dropped lower and rougher.

He'll make sure you swallow every last drop. “Shit, I'm gonna cum, you better swallow every drop.”

P = Pace(Are they fast and rough or they slow and sensual?)

He's a rough mother fucker...

If you want to be fucked hard he'll deliver. “You want it harder, baby?” He'll comply with your request, thrusting deeper and faster, causing the bed to shake with your movements. He let out a low groan as he felt your nails dig into his back.

His pace can become almost punishing, his hips slapping against your ass with each deep thrust. The sound of skin meeting skin meeting with your moans. “You like getting fucked like this, don't you?”

But sometimes he just wants to be gentle and take it slow, hold you and kiss you. Make you feel loved in a softer way. “just let me love on you tonight, I'll take care of you Baby”

Q = Quickie (Their opinion on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

It's neither one of your favorites, but sometimes it's what you need and have time for. Sometimes if the desire becomes too much he'll wisk you away to an on-call room and have you cumming in minutes. Sometimes he'll be very quick and make you cum on his fingers before a surgery.

But in the end he thinks knows you deserve more than just a quick fuck during free time, but he'll never not deprive you of pleasure.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He'll never risk harming your body, he's very rational and even though you both love to explore new things, he genuinely thinks things through before doing it. If he feels you'll get hurt he won't do it.

S = Sex position (Pretty self explanatory)

Missionary

Doggy style

Ridding

Bending you over counter tops and desks

T = Top or bottom ( do they prefer top or bottom)

he loves seeing you spread out and ready for him. He'll hover over you and stroke his cock as he watches your body trembling with pleasure and anticipation. “Damn, you look so beautiful like that. So wet and ready for me.”

He just has this thing about laying back and just watching you ride him, he loves the feeling of your thighs and ass in his hands as you bounce up and down on his dick as you chace your high.

But most of the time he needs to be on top. He loves grabbing you by the hips, literally squeezing his fingertips against your soft skin, holding you in the place or using them to help guide the pace.

U = Ummm

Nothing sexy, but how about a petition to band this letter in all smut Alphabet fics.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He wants to see if he can make you scream louder than he did the last time. He loves the noises you make. He makes you a moaning mess so easily. Crying out his name as he pounds into you. “Derek! Baby, d-dont stop... P-please!”

He's very vocal, especially when he's getting head. He'll thrusted his hands into your hair as he fucks your mouth with an urgency. “fuck, baby. you're doing so good”

He is so vocal, he'll let out deep groans and moans as he feels your tight pussy wrap around his cock when you ride him. “Oh fuck,. You doing so fucking good”

If he's not moaning or groaning, he's praising the hell out of you. “No need to be shy, love you're absolutely beautiful”

“Look at you, you're so beautiful spread out for me”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

The day you moved into the house he built, you guys fucking in every room to 'break the house in' and you even broke a brand new wash machine.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I'm a ferm believer that size doesn't matter. knows how to please you and he can definitely fuck your brains out. But if you want to get technical he's not so big it's nerve-wracking, but there's enough in length and girth to make your eyes roll with pleasure as every inch of him pushes into you.

He makes you feel so full when he’s buried in you, never failing to make you scream his name and dig your nails into his back at the pleasure.

most of the time all the time his dick is hard, red at the tip, leaking just for you.

His thighs are muscular and thick, easy to hold on to if you're ridding him or if you're giving him head.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Your relationship is strong, so sex never gets boring and he always wants you to know how beautiful you are. He'll kiss every scar, curve, stretch mark, he loves your body.

His sex drive is hug, like if you had to have a quickly in a on-call room during the day then you'll go home and he'll pound the fuck out of you like you guys didn't just get off at the hospital.

Nothing will stop you both from pleasuring each other.

He does not have a problem with having sex when you're on your period, you're both doctors so you know it helps with cramps and all he wants is to take your pain away. During those times it's about you not him.

Z = ZZZ (…how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he can't sleep without making sure you're sound asleep first. He wants to make sure you're comfortable and asleep before he can sleep himself.

But after that he can either sleep like a rock or not sleep at all, there's no in between.

He needs to fall asleep cuddling you, no argument and he doesn't care how, he just wants to fall asleep in your arms or you fall asleep in his.

[d-targaryenshoe]

Forge Of The Heart • Derek Shepherd

Requested?: yes it is! By @ferryboatstho 🥺

Notes: When this was requested I immediately had an idea in my head. I hope you like it. 😅

Summary: Y/N and Derek have their first date.

Warnings: Fluff, kissing

Word count: 1007

Being on a first date wasn't a weird or unbelievable thing for you. It was a special thing because men barely asked you out. And if they did, they probably needed something.

Little did you know that needing stitches on your forehead. Was the thing that made a surgeon as you out. But you didn't regret it.

Not a little bit. You were excited for the things that would come on your path. After this date. After this night. Hell, after this week.

You still remember his touch on your forehead, his little jokes about how you fell over a box on your staircase.

And the little eye-contact moments he gave you, looking if you had any pain, made you slightly shiver.

Now here you were, staring into your rear-view mirror, running a hand through your long curled hair as the sides were held back by diamond pins.

A fast beaten heart made you release a deep breath while you stared into your own eyes and gave yourself a pep-talk through eye contact.

"We can do this, just a date, just a hot and pretty surgeon, nothing big Y/N." You pursed you're lips noticing the redness that raised to your cheeks. "Goddammit!"

Those were the words that made you strong enough to open your car door and cover your head with your jacket as raindrops slammed down on it.

Taking two deep breaths you raised your eyes towards the white trailer who showed light through its curtains as you walked closer and closer.

Closing your eyes and taking one last deep breath, you decided to man up and knock your fist down onto the door with a little power, nervous to see the male.

Gazing down at your shoes, you awkwardly shuffled on your feet, head still covered with your jacket, waiting on a response.

"Y/N?" A soft male voice sounded through your ears as you peeked up from under your lashes and took in the sight.

Derek Shepherd dressed in a black dress shirt as the two buttons were undone and a little bit of his chest was revealed, which made your throat dry up.

Noticing a hand being waved in your face, you cleared your throat giving him a shy smile before walking up the small steps.

"Derek Shepherd living in a trailer, who would've thought." A small smile showed itself on your lips, watching him purse his lips. "I like it, no worries."

"Y/N Y/L/N on a date with the surgeon who stitched up her head, who would've thought, huh?" Derek smirked back at you, taking over your jacket before laying it down on a chair.

"Fair enough." You shrugged, letting your eyes take in the sight of the place he called 'home'. "So how many hot women have had the privilege of being here?"

You were honered that you were asked out by someone like him. Talented. Handsome. Respectful. Sweet. And honest. It didn't happen that often.

"Well if an ex wife counts, then one." Derek tilted his head towards you, handing you a glass of wine. "I'm upright, I don't play around."

"Well, that's good to know. Because I don't think twice when hot surgeons ask me out." You replied when placing your glass on the small table.

Derek released a heartfelt laugh, placing his head on his cheek, looking at you, with curiosity and thoughts. "Can I ask something?"

That sentence was what made your heart stop for a moment, not knowing what the male would ask you. Or what he would say.

"Sure, go for it?"

"What made you say yes, when I asked you out?" He frowned when leaning back into the couch, staring at you. "Be honest."

"That's what you want to know? You stitched up my head, so I thought I owed you something?" You glanced back at the man with a kind smile.

"Not my handsomeness or amazingly beautiful eyes?" He replied back with a playful tone, seeing it was hard for you not to laugh out loud at this part.

"Well, when you put it like that, they were a part of it as well." You nodded your head, taking a sip from your wine, placing your hands in your lap.

At this part you were feeling things you never thought you could feel. Adoration. Love. Comfort. And happiness. All by one person.

He was a famous surgeon he was. But the thing that attracted you the most was that he didn't brag about it. He was just a regular person. Who you liked a lot.

"You're different." He spoke up, leaning his elbows on his knee as his hands were folded. "I never met someone like you."

"Like me?" A snort left your body, pointing your eyes in a question way towards the man.

"Kind. Sweet. Beautiful. Funny, you're not here because I'm a famous surgeon, and others actually only see me as 'famous Neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd' and you don't." Those were the words that left his mouth.

"I'm not a special person, I'm just me and you are you." You watched the surgeon show a little smirk on his face, admiring you.

"You got me falling for you, you know that Y/N Y/L/N? You got me falling deeper and deeper. It may get me in trouble, it may hurt me someday, but god, you're special." The two blue eyes were staring into your E/C ones.

"Well, how about you proof to me the amount of love you have, then we'll talk?" A smirk played itself on your lips, noticing Derek tilting his head at you.

"Is that a challenge?" Laying on your back on the couch, the black haired surgeon leaned over you, leaning on his hands, staring down at you. "Because if loving you is a challenge Mrs. Y/N, I'm all ears."

Releasing a loud laugh you stared up to the man, biting your lip, as you took the fabric of his shirt between your fingers and pulled his lips towards yours.

How rain and one date could change a night.

[hurricanery]

handmade

A/N: Hi! I felt like writing something slightly cute and wanted to get some requests done. This is inspired by this prompt, this prompt, & this prompt and a few others basically requesting Amelink/Scout first night home from the hospital/Amelia being super hormonal. This ended up being still a lil angsty whoops but thank you for sending prompts! And pt. 6 of If You Went Away will most likely be posted next <3

_______

hold me tight and I’ll sink in

i’m absorbed in your thinking

_______

“....I’m sorry, huh?” Amelia’s voice comes out in a stunned question. She glances up at Carina DeLuca from where she’s settled in her increasingly uncomfortable bed on the maternity floor.

“I said you can go home, Dr. Shepherd,” Carina repeats the words she’d spoken just prior, smiling optimistically. “You guys can go home today.”

Link smiles wide from where he stands near Amelia’s bedside. He rubs Amelia’s shoulder encouragingly, looking down at her with an expression of pure excitement. Amelia’s face does not reflect an equal sentiment.

“You’re sure….?” She turns her attention back to Carina, eyebrows pulling together as she tries to process this information.

“Yes, Amelia,” Carina laughs, implementing the first name basis in an attempt to comfort the new mother in front of her. “You’re healthy. The baby is healthy….” She smiles down at Scout, who sleeps soundly in the bassinet in the corner of the room. “It’s time to bring him home.”

Amelia’s frown deepens as she watches Carina leave the room. It had been two full days since Scout came into the world. Two full days of being surrounded by the people she loves. Two full days of constant support and visitors. And now it was back to reality. Her new reality.

She knows. In the back of her mind. That there’s no point in staying here in this hospital room. She’s a doctor. She’s prepared. Or she should be. And there’s nothing else left to do.

She bites the corner of her thumbnail anxiously as she re-visits her mental checklist. She pretty much has a handle on the feeding process. Link has basically mastered swaddling. And they were finally able to settle on a name. Which, as it turns out, was the toughest part. But they got there. And now there was nothing else left to do. The checklist is complete. Scout Derek Shepherd Lincoln is ready to go home.

Link clears his throat, raising his eyebrows at Amelia, who drops her nervous nail-biting to return his gaze. She smiles, despite herself, allowing Link’s calm demeanor to anchor her.

_______

Link is prepared, he thinks. For most things in life. Part of that he credits to not being an over-thinker. His preparedness is never a result of heavy planning, but more so an outlook that allows him to go with the flow. To take things as they come.

He’d only stressed momentarily before Amelia went into labor.

Will Amelia have an easy delivery?

Will we make it to the hospital on time?

Will the baby be scared of me?

That was the extent of his worry. So, what he’d failed to consider, was the aftermath. What to expect in the days and weeks after the birth.

“Ugh, god, stop,” Amelia whines. “Really, I got it.”

Link chuckles, bewildered, as he watches Amelia climb the staircase in Meredith’s house. He drops his hands from where he’d attempted resting them on her shoulders, in an effort to guide her up the stairs.

“You’re sore, Amelia. I was just trying to help.”

Link shrugs to himself defensively before following shortly after her.

“I don’t need help.” She mutters as they cross the threshold back into her bedroom.

They both peek into Scout’s bassinet next to the bed, and momentary relief floods them both at the sight of their newborn still sound asleep.

Link’s gaze remains glued to Scout adoringly, until he hears Amelia’s exasperated sigh from somewhere behind him.

He turns around in time to watch her lower herself onto the bed. She sits halfway up, leaning against the headboard and closes her eyes tightly. The grimace that twists across her face makes Link feel helpless.

“You okay?” He tries, slowly approaching the bed to sit down on the edge, near her feet.

“Ugh,” she groans her response, not even opening her eyes when she feels Link’s weight on the bed.

Link rests a hand on her shin comfortingly. And Amelia groans again, a crease forming between her brows.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing,” she breathes out impatiently.

And Link sighs.

“I can’t believe I forgot this part….” She continues, opening her eyes to look at Link. “There’s not really a handbook for what to expect after, ya know?” She laughs a little bit, apologetically. And Link nods understandingly. “I mean the last time…” Her voice cracks a bit on the sentence. “The last time….I couldn’t really separate the pregnancy from….from what else was going on with me….health-wise….” She trails off again as reluctant tears spring to her eyes. “I just kinda forgot about all this.” She laughs bitterly as she gestures to her own body between them.

“Well, let me help you-”

“What can you do, Link?! My uterus is quite literally shrinking back to its normal size. It’s just cramps.” She cuts him off angrily and Link recoils from her mood swing. She folds her arms across her chest and then immediately gasps at the tenderness there. “And, dammit, my chest is sore. That part….I didn’t have to deal with the last time.”

Link nods slowly. Breastfeeding was a new experience this time around.

“Sorry….” She mumbles, much quieter than before, glancing at the newborn that sleeps just a couple of feet away. “For lashing out. It’s not me, it’s the hormones.”

“Eh,” Link shrugs. “I’m used to it at this point.”

Amelia scowls. But it quickly softens into a slight smile as she leans back again and closes her eyes.

“You’ve known me as hormonal and pregnant more than you’ve known me as….not hormonal and not pregnant. I promise you, I’m not crazy.” She whispers.

“Sure, Amelia.” Link chuckles.

Her eyes shoot open. “Hey!” She mutters playfully. “I would try to be on my good side right now.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” He shakes his head amusedly, pulling her feet into his lap. He massages her feet and ankles and watches her relax into the sensation, while he thinks of his next plan. “How about a bath? That might feel good….?”

She blinks, thinking about it. She purses her lips, not wanting to admit to Link that he’s come up with something useful.

Link laughs at her expression.

“I’m going to start a bath, then.”

And Amelia pouts at the loss of contact when he shifts her feet away from him, moving towards the bathroom.

_______

“You want me to join you, or just stay in here, or-”

“No,” Amelia says sternly as she relaxes back into the tub, resting her eyes. She’s taken aback by the impatient tone of her own voice, though, and she opens her tired eyes apologetically. “I mean, no thank you. I’m okay.” She smiles. “And thank you for this.”

Link isn’t hurt by her dismissal. He smiles back at her. “That’s okay….I’m just going to go watch Scout sleep.”

Amelia huffs out a laugh at this.

“Okay,” she murmurs. “You do that.”

Link watches as Amelia unwinds completely. She sighs in bliss as she leans her head back and it makes Link’s heart swell. It makes him feel less useless to her. He’s still smiling to himself as he turns on his heels, walking back to the room to do exactly what he’d mentioned. Watch his newborn sleep.

_______

“Hey,” Amelia breathes as she rounds the corner back into the bedroom, wrapped up in a fluffy white towel. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stay in there so long.”

“That’s okay,” Link responds, shifting his gaze away from the bassinet and turning around to meet Amelia’s eyes. “You earned it.”

Amelia smiles gratefully, moving forward to sit next to Link on the edge of the bed. She looks down warmly at the sleeping newborn in front of them. “You were serious when you said you were just gonna watch him sleep, huh?” She mutters quietly.

“Mhm,” Link’s eyes are glued back to Scout. “He hasn’t even stirred.”

“Don’t say that,” Amelia warns. “Let’s not jinx it. Can you imagine us actually sleeping through the night?” She grins up at Link. And Link shakes his head amusedly.

“But we should probably sleep, while he sleeps….” Link offers.

“Right….” Amelia mumbles. “But, wow. It is really hard to look away from him, isn’t it?”

Link laughs. And suddenly stands. He reaches a hand out for Amelia to take.

“Come on, bedtime.” Link pulls Amelia into a standing position, and they both take one last look at Scout.

“Can you believe we….made him?” Amelia’s voice is full of wonder. “We made that tiny little human.”

“Well, you did most of the work,” Link grins. Then turns to her with a more serious expression. “You still….do most of the work.”

Amelia’s heart swells. And she smiles, biting her lip, trying to shrug off the sentiment of Link’s words.

“And you should sleep in tomorrow,” Link adds, guiding them around to the other side of the bed. “Do you want to pump at all tonight….? So that you can sleep in a little bit when he wakes up hungry?”

Amelia groans, rolling her eyes. “That’s not a bad idea.”

“Here,” Link approaches the dresser, grabbing her sleep shorts and one of his oversized t-shirts. “Put on something comfy first.”

“Mhm,” Amelia nods in agreement, taking the clothes from him. But then she gasps suddenly, a sharp cramp twisting through her pelvis.

“What’s wrong?!”

“Just cramps,” she breathes, eyes shut tight.

“Okay, here. Sooner you get changed, sooner you can get back into bed.” Link takes the t-shirt back from her, encouraging her to drop the towel and lift her arms. And when she does so, Link guides the shirt over her body. He then crouches down, tapping Amelia on each foot in a way that signifies for her to step into her shorts. Link slowly rises as he pulls them up her legs, and the second the forgiving waistband is resting at her hips, Amelia collapses back down into the bed.

Link sighs. Not wanting to disturb her. “I’m….going to go get the breast pump.”

Amelia groans.

“Sorry,” Link whispers apologetically as he leaves the room.

_______

Amelia yawns desperately as she finishes pumping. She lays back against the headboard again, her head rolling to the side to look at Link, smiling lazily.

“This must be so attractive to you, sorry,” she mumbles sarcastically. “But I think I’m done,” she adds as she sits up.

Link frowns as Amelia settles herself from the task.

“Amelia….” He watches as she starts putting everything away. “Don’t say that.”

She just laughs dismissively in response.

“You’re literally providing nutrients to our kid, I mean….” He trails off, shaking his head in disbelief, trying to gather his next words. “I’ve never found you more attractive.”

Amelia rolls her eyes. Suddenly sick of the overly sentimental direction this conversation was heading.

“I was joking,” she replies shortly, her tone impatient once again. “Let’s just go to bed.”

“Alright,” Link agrees as Amelia quickly gets under the covers. He glances across, to the freshly pumped breast milk on her bedside table. He gets up and crosses the room. “I’m going to go put this in the fridge, I’ll be back.”

Her lack of response still doesn’t quite phase him.

When Link returns, a few minutes later, Amelia is seemingly sound asleep. He settles under the covers on his side of the bed and lays flat on his back.

He turns his head toward Amelia, who sleeps on her side, with her back to him. She makes no indication that she’s aware of his presence. Link sighs, turning over to face the opposite way. He shuts his eyes tightly, desperate to get some sleep before the inevitable. Before Scout wakes up and wreaks havoc on their sleep schedules.

Link begins to drift off quickly, only barely interrupted when he feels Amelia shift around in the bed. He successfully ignores the movement, falling easily back into the verge of slumber.

Until 10 minutes later. When he feels movement again.

Amelia shifts around in the bed, and Link can hear her sigh heavily. Her breath sounds closer to him than before. But again, he tries not to let it pull him from sleep. He grasps onto his exhaustion, willing himself to fall asleep.

But then 5 minutes later, he’s shaken from sleep again. Because he can feel the dip in the mattress as Amelia adjusts herself once more. Now impossibly close to him. Her breath against the back of his neck is the biggest indication of the lack of space between them.

Before he can even think about resisting, or think about grappling back towards sleep, he feels cold feet rest against his bare shins under the covers.

He gasps fully awake at the abrupt sensation. And turns over in bed.

“Amelia….” he groans sleepily, blinking as his eyes adjust. He can just make out her face in the dimly lit room. He’s immediately shocked by just how close she is to him.

Her eyes stare back at him widely.

“If you want to cuddle,” he smirks knowingly, “all you have to do is say so.”

“I don’t,” she deflects, brushing off the accusation.

Link’s smirk grows. Like he’s won some battle. And resent reflects all over Amelia’s face.

“Okay, then,” he announces matter-of-factly, beginning to turn away from her again.

But then her face falls. And Link pauses, scanning her eyes. And then he decides.

“Okay,” he mutters again. “Well I’m going to cuddle you anyway. Because it’s what I want.” He reaches for her, wrapping his arms around her until she adjusts so that her back aligns with his front.

Amelia sighs at the contact, relaxing into his embrace completely. Link’s hands move to rest over her lower abdomen and instead of retreating, the comfort actually brings tears to Amelia’s eyes. Link presses gently, applying soothing pressure, and Amelia gasps gratefully.

“Does that feel okay?” He murmurs.

Amelia quickly nods, letting out a quiet “Mhm,” instead of revealing the emotion that would likely be evident in her voice if she went the more verbal route.

But then she sighs again. Because even she can hear the level of desperation in her ‘Mhm.’

“It’s just the hormones,” she defends herself out loud, a revealing tightness to her voice.

“Sure, Amelia.” He chuckles, reaching forward to place a quick kiss to the top of her head. He relaxes back into their now shared position, finally drifting off to sleep.

//

[amelialincoln]

Good Days pt 3

“Link.” Amelia’s voice was thick with exhaustion and pain. He glanced over at her, temporarily ignoring the nurse who was talking to him about Amelia’s post birth care and placed a hand over her trembling one. This seemed like her millionth contraction and Link didn’t know if he could handle even one more. Amelia’s eyes squeezed shut and she let out the pathetic moan that he’d begun so used to hearing. Link hadn’t really processed the idea that Amelia was going to give birth without any pain meds. The couple hadn’t really taken the time to go over the birth plan together and Link had completely forgotten that Amelia didn’t want to be given an epidural. He hadn’t helped with a whole lot of births in his career without one and almost wished he’d had the preparation. “Where’s Addie?” She forced out.

“She’s coming,” he promised her, moving so that she could lay her head on his chest for support. “Her cab is just in traffic.”

“She’s six centimeters,” the nurse announced, as if it was good news. Amelia burst into tears and covered her face in her shaky hands. Link sighed, wiping the small beads of sweat that had formed at her hairline. He tied her hair back with a claw clip and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He’d run out of ways to comfort her and it was infuriating him that there was nothing he could do.

“I just wanna go home,” Amelia sobbed. “I want to hold Ellie and play cars with Bailey and sleep. I don’t want to have this baby.” That last part made him flinch. Did she not want to have a baby with him? Was she regretting her...their choice? “Link, stop,” she exclaimed and he realized that he’d been squeezing her too hard while deep in thought.

“I’m--” his apology was cut off by the opening of the patient room’s door.

“Addie,” Amelia breathed a sigh of relief. Link felt some of the tension melt away from her shoulders. He wished he could understand Amelia’s attachment to this woman he’d never met. He didn’t see why, if all else had failed, it was such an issue for Carina to be Amelia’s OB.

“I’d apologize for being late but I think you're the one who owes me one,” the redhead’s voice was strict but full of affection. She tied her hair back swiftly and gave Amelia a gleaming smile. “Hey, little sis.” Link had started to wonder why Amelia needed so many sisters despite having three of her own. He felt her begin to shake and he looked down to find her tearing up again.

“Mia?” He was reaching a whole new level of helplessness. Amelia refused to tear her eyes away from her old friend.

“I missed you,” she choked out. “This isn’t a unicorn baby, Addie.”

“I know.” The way Addison smiled made Link feel comforted and he didn’t even have any idea what was going on. “From your chart it seems like he’s been stirring up all kinds of trouble.”

“He’s a kicker,” Link offered. He was relieved when Amelia nodded. The small gesture that confirmed that he’d said something right made him want to wrap her up into a hug and never let go. Jesus this woman had him hooked.

“It’s really nice to finally meet you.” Addison turned to him. “I’ve heard great things.” She winked at Amelia. “But it’s not like you have a whole lot to live up to.” Her expression darkened so momentarily that Link questioned if it had even happened. Something was telling him that she’d seen something in Amelia that he’d never experienced. Amelia’s next contraction pulled him out of his thoughts and he shifted into a position that allowed him to press firmly on her lower back. Her contractions had gotten strong enough that the pressure point had started to provide little relief but he decided to try it anyways. She relaxed momentarily before tensing up again and letting out a heartbreaking cry of pain. “Amelia, breath,” Addison ordered, her eyes flicked to the monitor and she frowned. “Your BP is low, have you eaten?”

“Not for awhile. She threw up the last time she tried,” Link answered when his girlfriend couldn’t. He stared down at her and took in her clammy skin and pale complexion. Filled with guilt he realized she’d been looking like she was about to pass out for probably an hour now.

“Let’s push fluids in her IV,” Addison barely acknowledged the nurse as she typed notes quickly into her Ipad. “Go get her soup or a smoothie or something from the cafeteria.” It took Link a moment to realize she was talking to him and the idea of leaving, despite Addison being here for him now, terrified him.

“I can grab that,” Maggie’s voice interrupted his thoughts from the doorway and Link said a silent prayer. She gave Amelia her famous sister comforting smile and introduced herself to Addison. Link pulled his girlfriend into his chest tightly.

“I’m okay,” the lack of pain in her voice was almost too comforting. “You’re going to have to get used to this if we end up having the four kids I always planned on,” she teased.

“Four?” Link gawked. One birth seemed like enough for a lifetime and he wasn’t even the one experiencing it.

“Your mind blocks out the memory of the pain once you give birth. I’ll be ready in no time,” she winked.

“Well guess who won’t forget.” Link’s smile masked his complaining tone and Amelia couldn’t help but grin back.

“I’m going to go put on scrubs and let Chief Bailey know I’m here.” Addison interrupted the couple’s momentary look of content and smiled to herself. “Man, I could get used to saying that. Chief Bailey,” she tried out the words again as she walked out of the room.

                                                          [][][]

“Okay, Amelia,” Addison’s gloves snapped as she pulled them on, “time to push.”

“I can’t,” Amelia was drenched in sweat. She’d contracted all night and hadn’t slept in what felt like days. Link hadn’t slept either. Whenever he would close his eyes he’d be immediately awoken by Amelia crying out in pain and would feel guilty for even trying to nap. “Addie, I can’t.”

“Yes you can, Amelia.” Addison probed the underside of her belly softly and moved Amelia’s legs into a bent position. “You’ve been through worse.” Link wasn’t sure whether that was aimed at his girlfriend or if Addison was simply murmuring it to herself. “Next contraction, just like last time.” Amelia gave no response, instead she leaned her head back with exhaustion and squeezed her eyes shut, Link could feel the tension rolling off her in waves. “Amy, this is not the time to give up.” There was a hint of panic in Addison’s voice and it scared him. Link menuevered his way behind his limp girlfriend’s body until he was sitting directly behind her with her leaning on his chest. Her skin was practically burning against his cold touch. Amelia had cranked the thermostat down hours ago and the inside of the room was freezing.

“I’m here for you,” he pushed sweaty pieces of hair aside and mumbled into her ear so quickly he began to doubt if she heard him.

“I need something,” her head swooned and she practically fell back into his chest, “for the pain.” That made Addison shift uncomfortably at her place between Amelia’s legs.

“Are you sure?” Link wasn’t sure how to reply.

“It hurts,” her voice was as delicate as a china doll and was beginning to break. “I can’t I-” The next contraction hit her like a ton of bricks and she wailed in a way that made Link want to run out of the room.

“Push, Amelia,” Addison ordered. “I’ll take you up to an OR now if you don’t.”

“Come on, babe.” Link was surprised by the urgency in his own voice, he caressed her tight abdomen gently and prayed that he wouldn’t have to sit beside her in an operating room.

The next half hour was painful. Link could tell she was doing her best but as every contraction came and went he felt Amelia grow weaker in his arms. Which is why when Addison announced that the head was cleared, Link could barely suppress his surprise. He found his eyes searching for Addison’s and she gave him a nod of confirmation.

“Couple more now,” Addison patted Amelia’s thigh affectionately. Link coaxed Amelia through two more pushes until he felt her body give up.

“I can’t--” she started.

“You don’t have to,” Addison grinned and at that very moment the couple heard the sounds of their baby boy’s cries for the very first time. Amelia erupted into sobs and Link could feel himself melt inside just a tiny bit. He didn’t say a word as Addison passed the wiggling infant into Amelia’s shaky arms and counted each finger and toe silently. The baby’s cries ceased the moment he was placed on Amelia’s chest and cuddled up soundlessly into his mother.

“He’s perfect,” Amelia squeaked, looking up at Link to confirm, who nodded. He looked so much like his father already and reminded her so clearly of someone else. The realization hit her so hard she had to gasp. The baby in her arms looked remarkably like Derek did as a baby. Although, she’d only ever seen photos there was no denying it.

“Derek,” Addison murmured. Amelia looked up in shock and her eye’s met her brother’s first wife’s teary ones. “The resemblance…”

“I mean he’s so young but it’s,” Amelia paused in disbelief, “his nose and,” she searched her peaceful son’s face, “those eyes.” She looked up at Link with delight. “He’s got your bone structure, look at that little jawline.”

“Good to know there’s a little bit of me in there,” Link teased, holding back tears. It was true, the baby was Shepherd through and through. From the dark features to the piercing blue eyes but Link could see pieces of himself scattered in there as well. The couple could’ve spent hours marvelling him while Amelia got stitched up but eventually Addison had to take their boy away for some tests and they both tried to ignore how much it hurt them to hear his cries as she lifted him out of his mother’s grasp. “Are you comfortable? Hurting at all? I can--”

“Just hold me,” Amelia chuckled. “I just need a nap.”

“Okay,” Link finally let himself relax knowing that she was alright and that everyone and everything he cared about was going to be just fine.

this is the final bit of this fic. I've written tons of post birth fics so plz don't ask for a continuation without reading those haha :)

[winterscaptain]

push.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: alright, team! this one covers cradle to grave and the eyes have it. i am so excited to share this with you, and we are that much closer to 100. ahh!! (i also mistakenly noted that infirmity was part three and it is in fact part four. while i can write, i made no promises in regard to counting.)

an ajf fic arc that happily stands on its own! (the pieces stand alright on their own as well, for the most part!) one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven

words: 4.2k warnings: canon-typical violence and discussion of violence, language

summary: “if you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” - t.s. eliot. a shift, a transition, and a lie.

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

Aaron meanders around the store, looking into the glass cases. There’s very little purpose, very little direction. He figures, just like the first time, the right one will make itself known. 

What are you doing? 

He takes a breath, ignoring that pesky little voice in his head, focused on the task at hand.

I’m listening to Haley. What are you doing?

Playing devil’s advocate because you shouldn’t be doing this right now. What are you thinking?

I don’t know. Fuck off. 

The man behind the glass greets him, asking if he’s looking for anything in particular. 

“Yes,” Aaron says, only a little startled out of his thoughts, “though I’m not quite sure what it is, yet.” His gaze wanders. “Can I see that one, please?”

He takes a close look, but it’s not quite right. 

He’ll find it. 

+++

You’re still at your desk when Hotch leaves JJ’s office, late. You throw him a little bit of a smile as he frowns at you. 

Why are you still here? 

You shrug. Work?

He snorts. Sure. and hops up the stairs to his office. There’s a moment where he stops short at the door. With a little bit of a startle, you realize Strauss is in there. 

How did I miss that?

JJ arrives in the bullpen with an armful of files, and you tip your head toward Hotch’s office. She works her distribution, setting folders down, her eyes glued to the window. 

When Strauss leaves, you both busy yourselves, looking up as she passes. 

She greets the both of you with your formal titles, and a chill runs down your spine. 

“Ma’am.”

“Ma’am.” 

You and JJ echo each other, throwing an approximation of a smile in her direction. 

What the fuck? 

You exchange a look with JJ once Strauss is out of sight, nod, and stand. 

Reaching his door, you note that he hasn’t moved. 

“Hotch?”

He’s still as he answers. “Yes?”

Something feels wrong. Really really wrong. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” 

You stand there for a moment as he turns over his shoulder and returns to his desk. He knows better than to meet your eyes - then you’ll know for sure he’s lying. 

Choose your battles. 

Protect him. 

How? 

Just try. 

“Goodnight, Hotch.” 

+++

“You’re kidding.” 

You look up from your file at Spencer, who has a manic little grin on his face. “What?”

“You’re not going to believe this.” 

“Try me.”

He laughs. “Someone started this blog called What Would Carl Sagan Do? and it’s so woefully inaccurate I’m wondering if this is some kind of 100-level school project, it’s -”

Derek walks in and you beam at him. He doesn’t return it. “What’s the case?”

“What case?” You ask, the smile falling from your face. 

“I just got three emails from Hotch about cases.” 

A little confused noise leaves you as you refresh your email once...twice. “I don’t have anything.”

Spencer follows suit. “I didn’t get any emails from Hotch, or did I?” He checks. “Nothing.” 

With a sigh and a huff, Derek puts his things down and walks purposefully toward Hotch’s office. Spencer looks back at you. 

“Wonder what that’s about.”

You hum, looking back at your file to hide your face. “I dunno.” 

What happened last night?

+++

“What’s with Hotch?” Derek catches up to you in the hallway on the way to your hotel room at the end of the first day. Naturally, he’s not at all out of breath. 

You frown at him. “What do you mean?”

You know exactly what he means. 

“You’re a shit liar.” 

You chuff at him and unlock your door, opening it and shepherding him in. “Alright. Fine. He’s stressed.”

“He’s...stressed? Really? That’s all you’ve got for me?”

Throwing your hands up, “It’s not like he tells me everything, Derek.” 

You do know, however, that Jack spent his fourth birthday in protective custody, with only a surveillance feed to satiate Aaron’s need to see his son. 

It sucks. 

“Yeah, but -” He pulls the chair from the little desk and sits backwards on it while you take your shoes off. “ - you know him.” 

“You’ve known him far longer than I have.” 

“It’s different. I’ve been working with him longer, but you know him better.”

You can’t deny that. “Well…” You search and search for a viable explanation. “...maybe he’s just more open to help than he usually is? He knows how good you are at your job, so…” Your mouth twists. “...I think it’s a compliment that he’s relying on you more and asking for your opinion on things.” 

He squints, thinking. He “hmphs” once before standing up, replacing the chair, and heading toward the door. 

“I’ll tell you if I hear anything.” 

No I won’t. 

The side of his mouth lifts. “No, you won’t.” Then, “Goodnight, kid. Get some sleep.” 

+++

Aaron hands him an aggressively annotated copy of the preliminary profile. “Morgan, in order for the profile to be useful it has to generate multiple scenarios about what the unsub is doing. Rewrite it.” 

You have to admit you’ve been looking between each of them like a particularly interesting game of tennis as they volley back and forth. 

It’s tense...and confusing. 

Derek looks completely crestfallen. You wipe the confusion off of your face as best you can and exchange it for something you hope is empathetic. 

Hotch pulls JJ aside to discuss her new findings while Derek joins you at the table. 

“What is with him?”

You shake your head. “I wish I knew.” Your gaze wanders over to him, where he’s watching the pair of you. You look away, focused on the profile Hotch returned to Morgan. 

Your next words are almost a sigh. “I know he pushes hard, but…I just...don't know.” 

+++

You take a deep breath as Derek snatches a piece of paper from the printer and stalks to Hotch’s office. 

Maybe this time, they will kill each other. 

Who would win? 

Hm. Catch-22. They both lose. 

Even then, you’ll always put your money on Aaron. 

You keep your eyes on them and you know JJ’s doing the same. Part of you is always ready to bridge a rift between Aaron and Derek. For some reason or another, they both listen to you when you tell them they’re acting like shitheads. 

So, they listen. Often. 

Hotch’s jaw tenses and, though you can’t hear him, you can tell he’s raising his voice, his tone growing harder. 

That’s it. 

You shove off from the desk and open the door without knocking, interrupting Derek mid-thought. They both look at you and don’t even have the good graces to look caught out. 

“Garcia needs to talk to us.” 

Hotch takes a talking breath, but you cut him off. 

“Now.” You tip your head. “Please,” you add for good measure. 

They brush past the both of you, Derek’s fingers brushing your sleeve as he passes. 

You catch the hem of Aaron’s suit jacket and tug. 

He turns on you - there’s still a lot of fire in his gaze and for a moment, you let yourself be intimidated, looking away from him and bringing your hand back. 

There’s a sigh, and you know he feels bad (just a little). “Yes?”

“You’ll tell me if you want help, right?”

He meets your gaze. There is so much going on behind those deep brown irises you don’t even know where to start. “Yes.” 

Liar.

I miss you. 

Not satisfied, but pacified for now, you turn and lead the way back to the table. You meet Derek’s eyes and shake your head just a little. 

Damn it. 

+++

When you’re done with Penelope, you find an excuse to get Derek alone. Your conversation, somehow, is already heated. 

“He’s just trying to challenge you, Morgan.” Your body language isn’t great, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Arms crossed, tight mouth - you’re the picture of frustration. 

He’s restless - shifting his weight back and forth. “I don’t understand it. He’s on my ass about shit he’s never been on my ass about before.” 

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“Yes, I did.” He stops moving, gesturing sharply with an open, flat hand. “Why is he challenging me, when he’s the one under the gun?” 

You close your eyes and press your fingers to the bridge of your nose. “Did you ever think, just once, maybe, he wants to make sure this team still functions if something happens to him?” 

Derek, finally, has the good sense to deflate. You follow suit, leaning on the desk behind you. 

“We almost lost him a couple of months ago,” you remind him. “If we don’t know everything his position entails, we will not be able to help him if there’s a next time.” 

You step forward, a fond little laugh in your voice. “Derek - you’re a natural leader, a great tactician. There’s no better person for him to build up, just in case.” 

He breaks your gaze, thinking. 

For good measure, you add, “He respects you a great deal. Remember when you said you tolerate him, just for me?” You hold his gaze as it returns to you. “I think that’s bullshit.” 

Another breath. He steps forward, meeting you in the middle of the isolated, small conference room. You offer him a small, closed-mouth smile. 

“Come here, kid.” 

You tuck into his arms with a little laugh. “How did you two manage before I got here?”

You can feel his laugh rumble through him. “You have no idea.” 

+++

Of course, under Derek’s careful tactical direction, everything goes according to plan. Textbook soft entry, no hostages, peaceful takeover, and four rescued victims by the end of it. 

“I love these ones,” you say, standing between Aaron and Derek in the precinct as a family forms before your eyes. 

“Which ones?” Aaron asks. 

“The ones where we all get to go home, and so do they.” 

+++

“Well, I guess it’s time,” Derek says, pushing back from his desk and rising. You’ve both stayed late for one reason or another, with the excuse of paperwork. 

Really, Derek was building his nerve, and really, you were waiting for Aaron. 

You furrow your brow. “Time for what?”

“Hotch wants to see me.” 

“What does he want?”

He laughs a little. “I thought you’d know.” 

You shake your head, so he shrugs and walks up the stairs, knocking twice on Aaron’s door before stepping inside. 

They immediately take a seat, but not at Aaron’s desk. 

Red flag.

You know it’s ridiculous to worry, but nevertheless, you pace around the bullpen as the boys talk upstairs. It looks serious, given the image before you. They both sit forward in their chairs, lit by the warm light from Hotch’s lamp, their elbows on their knees, their hands loosely laced. 

Other than on the plane, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen them sit so close together. 

Aaron didn’t close the door, but still you know to keep your distance. The coffee pot is scrubbed again, the mugs reorganized, and you return to your desk after you run out of tasks, still fidgety. 

“What?” You hear. “No!” 

Your head whips up to the office at Derek’s outburst. They simmer down again after a moment, but continue talking with low brows and lower voices. 

They rise after a few more minutes, and Derek swings out of the door and whistles for you. “Hop to, kid, let’s go.” 

Your brow crinkles, but you jog up the stairs and land in the doorway. “What’s going on?”

Derek and Hotch exchange a look. 

“Have a seat,” Aaron says, finally. You follow instructions, sitting gingerly on the couch. 

What the hell is going on? 

Aaron sits across from you, looking a little lighter than he did this afternoon. You’re hoping it’s good news. 

“I’m resigning as unit chief at the end of this week.” You open your mouth and move to protest with your entire body, but Aaron’s hand stops you. “Wait. Hold on. Feel free to get mad at me when I’m done, but I’m not done yet.”

Is he...smiling? 

No, but it’s close. 

You freeze, waiting. 

He speaks to you like a scared animal, likely remembering the last time he tried to resign and you chased him across the office. “Morgan will be taking over as acting unit chief until we catch Foyet. I will return to my post at the conclusion of the investigation.” 

You still don’t move as you ask, “You’re staying on the team, though, right?” 

He nods. 

So it’s not as bad as you thought. “Why?”

Aaron glances at Morgan, who sits heavily beside you. You settle down and mirror their postures from earlier, feeling a little like a co-conspirator. “I’ve shared this with Morgan and I’ll share it with you, but -”

“- don’t tell anyone. Got it.”

His lips twitch. “Right. The bureau thinks that my ability to lead this team has been compromised.” 

You blink at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“What do you think?” He asks. 

This is a trick. He’s tricking me. 

“What do you mean ‘what do I think?’”

His gaze is definitely a little amused as he watches you. “I mean, what do you think?”

“Hm. That’s helpful.”

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in Derek’s head. 

He’s never seen two people more well-suited for each other. The fact that you’re giving Hotch shit right now to avoid answering the question speaks only to the closeness between you. You push him harder, give him more hell, and have the power to make him more miserable than anyone else. 

And yet, he loves you. It’s so clear. Why can’t you see it? Why can’t he see it?

You’re both profilers, for fuck’s sake. 

Derek’s eyes flicker back and forth, watching the raise of your eyebrows and the upturned corners of Aaron’s mouth. There’s a fondness between you - it rests in your eyes - as you wait each other out. 

God, they’re stupid. It’s written all over their faces. 

Aaron repeats himself, but slower. “Do you think my ability to lead this team has been compromised?”

You sigh, finally breaking his gaze to focus on one of the degrees on Aaron’s wall. “Alright, fine. I have been...concerned about some of your choices in the field the last few weeks.” You meet his eyes again. “Though, I believe I’ve told you as much in the moment, so that shouldn’t come as much of a shock.” 

He snorts and you swat lightly in his direction, purposefully missing him entirely. 

“But I don’t think there’s anyone better to lead this team.” You look over at Morgan. “Not to say you can’t or shouldn’t do it, but -”

Derek interrupts you. “- No, I agree.” 

You nod, turning back to Aaron. “Out of curiosity, what’s the alternative?”

His eyebrows rise for a moment. “The alternative is, I remain in my post until I am inevitably removed. In that instance, the team will be split and budgets will be cut.” 

“Oh.” 

“But,” he continues, “if I promote internally, we can avoid that.” 

It’s unsettling, to be sure, but not the end of the world. You think about it - what the team would look like with Hotch as just “one of you,” and Derek at the helm. 

Your eyes flicker to Aaron, taking in his suit, the strong set of his shoulders, the authoritative brow, the serious mouth. It wouldn’t be quite right, but it is better than the alternative.

God, he’s handsome.

We knew that. 

I know, but look at him. 

You’ve looked too long without talking. Derek noticed. He starts to think, already excited for Hotch to resume his post so he can start a betting pool on how long it’ll take for you two to finally give in to whatever...this is. 

Weirdly, though, he wouldn’t call it tension. It’s more like a blanket - covering the both of you in a kind of warmth that radiates to everyone in the vicinity. 

Derek has no idea how you got into Aaron’s good graces so quickly, why he trusted you so early on, but it’s made him a better leader, a better agent. 

He might even go so far as to say you’ve made him a better man. 

“I think,” you say, slowly, “given the circumstances, that Morgan leading the team until we catch Foyet would be a sound decision.” Your lips twitch into a smile. “And now I get to share the burden of being the one who gets pissed at you when you pull risky shit in the field.” 

Aaron almost smiles, but it’s enough. “Alright, then.” He stands and so does Morgan, so you follow suit. He crosses around to his desk, where two massive boxes of files are waiting. 

“If you intend on getting any sleep tonight,” he tells you, “I would recommend you leave now.” 

You suppress a smile. “And miss all this?” You gesture to both the file boxes and the boys. “No way.” 

+++

The next morning is...hectic, to say the least. 

Strauss stole Morgan the second he arrived, so naturally Penelope came up to the bullpen to keep tabs. “So, did anyone say why Hotch is stepping down?” 

You keep your eyes on your work, pretending to be only half-tuned into the conversation. There are eyes on you for a minute before you look up and cursorily shake your head. 

“All Morgan said this morning is that it’s happening,” JJ says. “Business as usual, I guess.” 

Emily’s not so easily appeased, sitting on the corner of your desk. “So we’re just supposed to move forward without any discussion?”

 Oh, there was a discussion. You just weren’t part of it. 

You look up for real and put your pen down. “I think we’d have to prepare for anything after Foyet, don’t you?”

The rest of you quiet down as Hotch descends the stairs. You’re the only one who keeps your eyes on him. 

No need to pretend you’re busy when he already knows you’re paying attention. 

“...I’ll have all my things cleared out and it will be all yours.” 

No. 

Your brow crinkles and you look up at the office. It feels...wrong, somehow, to imagine that room without its shelves of legal citation books, legal dictionaries…

Legal this, legal that. 

Could he be any more of a lawyer?

No. 

“Hotch, I don’t want your office.” Their voices are low, but they carry - especially to shamelessly eavesdropping ears. 

Strauss starts talking, but honestly, it just sounds like static. 

“All due respect, Ms. Strauss,” Derek says, “but both of you have trusted me to step in as acting unit chief. I’m asking you to respect my decision.” 

You drop your head down to your paperwork, a proud smile pushing at the corner of your lips. 

“I’ve decided I don’t want Hotch’s office. That’s where he belongs. If necessary, we can discuss this again at a later date, but right now, we really need to get started on this case.” 

He looks up, and you all pretend to be doing something else. It’s a ridiculous showing, really. 

“Guys. Grab Rossi.” 

Emily huffs, jumping off your desk. “I got ‘im.” 

+++

It’s weird at first as you all settle in and get used to looking at Derek more often. He’s doing well - asking good questions on the plane and stepping in when you arrive at the precinct. 

Aaron still looks like the authority in the room, but that’s just how he is. There’s more than one occasion where you’re forced to hide your smile as he intentionally and mindfully defers to Derek in front of the local officers. 

It’s not actually funny in any comedic sense, but the strangeness of it all gets to you a little bit. 

You’re driving (another perk of Derek being in charge - he lets you drive) while Hotch takes shotgun. You’ve just hung up the phone, where Hotch said again “It’s your call, Morgan.” 

It made you smile, and now you’re under fire. 

“What’s funny?”

You check (again) that you’re the only two in the car. You are. “It’s just weird. I’m getting used to it.” 

“What? That we’re the same rank?”

Honey, we’ll never be the same rank. 

“Sure,” you reply, dubious. “Like you and I are in the same league at all.” 

He shakes his head, playing off the twinge of hurt that doesn’t come from his freshly healing wounds.

In his mind, you’re right in more ways than one. 

That train of thought led him down a rabbit hole he’s now punishing himself for. Why he should even have half a thought dedicated to any of that is completely beyond him...

“What’s wrong?” 

He shakes his head. “Nothing.” 

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye. “You know I can tell you’re lying to me without even looking at you, right?”

A sigh. “Oh, yeah?”

DIdn’t think he’d answer that one. 

“You have a tell when you’re lying to me, specifically. It’s different from your other tells.” 

“Is that so?” He sounds skeptical. 

“Mhmm.”

You can almost feel him squint. “Are you going to elaborate on that?”

“Nope. If I do, you’ll stop doing it and I have to start from scratch.” You shoot him another glance and the corner of your mouth tips up. “And I don’t take orders from you, anymore, so you can’t make me.” 

His fond eye roll finally breaks you, and you laugh at the absurdity of it all. He doesn’t break himself, but it’s the thought that counts. 

Your laughter is the best reward to him, anyway. 

+++

Goddamn it, Aaron. 

If you had a dime for every time you’ve had that thought in the last eight weeks, you’d have...a shitload of dimes. 

You’re chasing after him, because of course he ran after the unsub without backup. It’s like he’s on a mission to give you hypertension. 

“FBI! Get off her!” You hear his voice, rough and authoritative (you, of course, ignore what that does to your anatomy) and round the corner. 

You find him grappling with the unsub, cuffing him. 

With a sigh, you take over - holstering your weapon and hauling the unsub to his feet. 

Derek walks over with Emily after you’ve passed the unsub to the local officers for processing. “What happened?”

“Hotch took him down by himself.” 

“You’re kidding.” 

You press your mouth into a thin, facetious line. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

Derek shakes his head with a huff that’s almost a laugh and returns to Hotch, who clarifies the aforementioned events. He looks over at you. “Did you tell him you were right behind me?”

You just stare at him. 

Derek takes over, saving you the trouble of getting too annoyed with Aaron. “You should have waited for backup.” 

Unit Chief Derek, in with the feedback. Very nice. 

You look unfairly smug, but the look drops off your face when Hotch answers, almost smiling, “Would you have?”

You're confronted with an image - Aaron, ten years ago, only a little older than you, a young, hotshot agent with a sarcastic streak a mile wide. 

Poor Gideon...

Derek just turns with another sigh, off to do whatever acting unit chiefs do. 

Emily manages to hold her laugh until he’s out of earshot. Hotch, passing her, just smirks. “What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing.”

+++

Alright, that’s enough. 

You rise from your desk and pat Derek’s shoulder on your way past him. “Proud of you.” It’s casual, almost a throwaway line. If it was any kind of serious, you know he’d hate it. 

A little staccato hum leaves his throat. He’s still working, and you leave him to it. 

You knock twice on Hotch’s office door before letting yourself in. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replies but doesn’t look up. 

You sit at one of the chairs and prop your chin on the heel of your hand. “How late are you staying?”

“You should go home. it’s late.” His response is absent, at best. You’re not even sure he actually heard you. 

“Hey.”

He finally looks up, his brown eyes tired and bloodshot. “What?” His tone isn’t unkind, but it isn’t patient, either. 

“You should go home. It’s late.” 

He heaves a sigh and lets it out through his mouth, choosing not to acknowledge your use of his words against him. “Can’t.”

You hum, looking over his nameplate to the files on his desk. “He’ll still be there tomorrow, you know.”

“That’s the problem.” 

“Fine,” you relent. “Then let me help.” 

He doesn’t protest when you reach across the desk for the first case file, so you figure you have tacit permission.

Maybe, just maybe, if you learn this case backwards and forwards, too, something will change. 

Your love for the man across from you makes that lie easier to swallow. 

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @hurricanejjareau @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @ogmilkis @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @dwellingsofrosie @pan-pride-12 @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @buckybau @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandice-ray @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @violentvulgarvolatile  @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @lcvischmitt @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @cevanswhre @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @infinity1321 @zizzlekwum @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo @this-broken-band-girl @reidtomestyles @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @winqhster @spencerelds @the-falling-in-the-danger @nattylite49 @crazyshannonigans @ambicaos

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part twenty-four

early morning surprises and shots fired

hi everyone! sorry we’ve been a bit MIA lately. life caught up with all of us and we are struggling to get back on the writing train. hopefully this short update will get everyone excited for the next few sections.

———

(April 2009)

Jo was a doctor. She was used to blood and tragedy and death. It happened all around her, every single day. It was a normal occurrence if she happened to witness the worst day of people’s lives. But watching her coworker get gunned down in front of her and lie in a pool of her own blood was almost too much for her, an uncomfortable swell of nausea rising in her throat as she watched the scene before her unfold. 

Jo stared at nurse Angela and rushed over to her side along with Lexie to look for any signs of life. Lexie let out a whimper as she realized the shot had been fatal. Mark crawled across the floor to where they were and pulled them away from Angela’s body. 

“Come on you two, we’re getting out of here,” Jo let Mark rest his hand on her back and press her head against his chest as he ushered her and Lexie away from the chaos of the lobby and towards the elevators. 

“Wait! Alex. I need to call Alex,” Jo swallowed down the vomit that was slowly making its way up her esophagus. “I need to hear his voice.”

“Once we get somewhere safe you can call Alex and make sure he is okay,” Mark answered. “But right now we need to get out of here so that we’re alive enough to call him.” 

The elevator doors slid open, and Jo felt momentary relief before a horrified scream left her. There in front of their very eyes, Alex was lying in a pool of his own blood on the elevator. Heart racing, she slid across the floor and pressed her hands against Alex’s chest, attempting to stem the blood flowing from the bullet wound there. 

"Oh my God," a strangled cry ripped from Jo's throat as she felt Lexie's arms wrap around her, pulling her off of Alex's bloody frame. "Stop! No. Let me go! I have to help him. I have to—"

"Jo. You need to get off of him," Lexie urged, trying to keep her friend from witnessing the scene before them. “You shouldn’t see this.” 

"No! Please, he can't die. We have to help him," Jo shouted as tears streamed down her face. "Alex! Please. Please…"

"Jo, look at me. We're going to help him, but I need you to calm down so I can check him out," Mark bent down and took Jo's place on the ground next to Alex. He pressed a couple fingers to Alex's neck and let out a sigh of relief. "I feel a pulse. It's faint but it's there. Let's get him out of here."

Earlier that Day…

She’d planned on being discreet. When Jo walked into the third floor supply closet in search of the one thing she’d needed, she hadn’t expected to be seen. Instead, she found herself reaching for the same item as someone else, fingers brushing in contact.

It was almost comical, the looks on each of their faces. Each individual being the last person they expected to catch in this predicament. So, it was quite shocking when Jo found herself reaching for a pregnancy test at the same time as Meredith Grey. 

The both stared at each other in horror and confusion, not knowing what to say. Finally, Jo cleared her throat and brought the test close to her chest, avoiding eye contact with her friend. 

“Does Alex know?" was the first thing that came out of Meredith's mouth. 

"Does Derek?" Jo countered. She was met with silence. “I'm guessing your answer is the same as mine."

"I'm going to go take mine now. Do you want to do it together?" Meredith asked.

"Sure," Jo replied, shrugging.

The two women made their way to the bathroom and each proceeded to pee on a stick that could very well determine the course of their lives. They washed their hands and waited quietly for the recommended three minutes before looking at the tests in their hands.

“Two lines means…”

“Two lines mean your uterus is occupied,” Meredith looked over Jo’s shoulder at the plastic in her hand. “Well, that makes two of us. I can’t believe you let Alex knock you up.”

Jo stared in disbelief at the pregnancy test in her hand, not believing for a second that what it said was true. She blinked a few times before looking back to it, the two lines blaring up at her brightly. 

When Alex and her had decided to let nature take its course, she didn’t think it would happen this quickly. They’d only just gotten engaged last month… A breathless laugh left Jo as she realized exactly when this baby had been conceived. Her hand flitted down to her stomach, pressing against the flat area as a grin appeared on her face. 

“Oh my god,” Jo turned to Meredith who was eyeing her curiously. “You were trying! You wanted to get pregnant!”

A blush spread across Jo’s cheeks as she avoided Meredith’s gaze. She laughed awkwardly, "We weren't trying, so to speak. We just weren't… preventing."

Meredith raised her eyebrows, "You and Alex talked about it. You guys wanted a baby."

"Yes?" 

"Is that a statement or a question?" Meredith asked, an amused chuckle slipping her lips.

"A statement? I just didn't think it would happen so fast," Jo laughed brightly and felt a couple happy tears prickle at her eyes. "I'm pregnant. Meredith, we're both pregnant."

"We're gonna have babies," Meredith grinned and did something very out of character and enveloped Jo in a hug. "I still cannot believe Alex is going to be a dad. He's going to freak out."

"I know," Jo giggled. "He's going to be a hovering pain in the ass for the next nine months, but he's going to be so happy." 

"Are you going to tell him right now?" 

"Not yet, I think I'm going to wait until tonight when we get home," Jo shook her head with a smile. "I'm going to tell Lexie, though."

Meredith nodded in understanding, "I'm going to tell Cristina."

"You'll tell me what Shepherd says?" 

"As long as you tell me all about Alex's reaction," Meredith winked and placed her positive test in her pocket. "Okay, I'm going to go find Cristina. I'll see you later."

[i-padfootblack-things]

Scared to Live [Jackson Avery x reader]

Warnings: blood, shooting, miscarriage. 

"Avery, you got a second?" Jackson grabbed a towel to clean his hands and he came over to Chief Shepherd.

"Has anybody checked their pager?" Shepherd asked. Jackson shook his head, "No, we've been too busy."

"There's a shooter in the hospital." Jackson froze. "I don't want you to say a word. When the patient is stable I want you to tell Hunt and Altman that nobody goes out of here until they are told so." Jackson kept staring at Shepherd without saying a word.

"Can you handle this?" It took him a second to reply, "Yes sir." Jackson just stood there, trying to collect himself. The thought of you being out there with the shooter terrified him. His hands were shaking as he returned to the surgery table.

----

"You're not the only one that has to get out of here!" Jackson raised his voice at Hunt. Owen finally stopped yelling and turned to look at the patient. "We all want to leave this room and go be with our loved ones... But we can't." Jackson's voice trembled as he thought of what could be out there and not knowing where you were. He hoped you were with Lexie, but the possibility of you being alone made his heart stop.

----

You were talking with Lexie about the lockdown when Mr. Clark started shooting people around you. You gasped, immediately falling to the ground as Mark pushed Lexie next to you. The three of you ran away, going to the elevator. As the doors opened, you saw Alex laying in a pool of his own blood. Lexie froze and Mark assessed the situation. You went to him, trying to flip him to see if the bullet went through him. Seeing there was no exit wound, you helped Mark grab him and went to put him down on a table in a room close to you.

"He needs a transfusion." Mark told us.

"I'll go. I can't just sit around and do nothing." Lexie said.

"No, I'll go. Mark's the only one who knows what to do right now and you're Alex's girlfriend. He needs you to be with him." You told them. Lexie shook her head.

"Yes, I'll go. And I'll go right now because he needs that transfusion." You said as you left the room.

"I'll come with you." she said as you opened the door. "No, Lexie. Two people make too much noise. I have to go right now. You keep Alex quiet and help Mark with whatever he needs help with." You said as you pushed Lexie back in the room.

It's too quiet around here, you thought just as you rounded a corner. Your eyes fixed on the gun that was pointed to your head. You exhaled quietly, your breath shallow. "Mr. Clark." You said.

"You were with the doctor that killed my wife. It's your fault just as much as it's hers." He said. You gulped loudly, still looking at the gun. "I didn't think I'd feel the need to also kill you, but, you know, it's so addicting. The power. I know how you felt when you killed my wife."

Just as he was about to fire the gun to your head, he fell to the ground. You looked behind you just as he fired his arm into your thigh. You gasped as you ducked to the ground. You stayed there for a few minutes, trying not to cry out in pain. Eventually he left and that's when you decided to crawl in the direction of the ORs. You grabbed some bandages that you took for Alex and tried to wrap them around your thigh as tight as you could. Tears were running down your face rapidly and you felt like you couldn't breath anymore. You pressed your back to a wall and tried to calm down, panicking wouldn't do you any good right now.

You tried to get up, the adrenaline rushing through your body helped you wobble along a few corridors, until you felt completely exhausted and fell. You cried out in pain once again as you saw how bloody your leg had become. The material of your scrubs was soaking in blood. You pushed on your bandaged leg to stop the bleeding but that made it worse and you screamed once again.

Jackson was in the OR at the end of the corridor and heard you. He hoped he heard someone else, but when he saw you he felt like he couldn't move anymore. You looked up and your whole face relaxed as you made eye contact.

"Jackson." You whispered. He ran to you and helped you up. You cried even harder, knowing that now you two were finally together and safe. “My- my leg. I- I don’t think the bullet hit my bone, but it’s still in there.” You said with a trembling voice. He nodded, helping you walk to the OR he’d been staying in. He put you on the table, using some local anesthetic, deciding it was too risky to put you down completely, seeing as you’d lost a lot of blood and didn’t have any on hand. After he removed the bullet he bandaged your leg and you were good to go. 

“We’re going to stay here until someone comes and rescues us. We can’t risk leaving this room, okay?” He asked you just as the door opened. You held your breath, exhaling abruptly when you made eye contact with Cristina. “It’s Derek, he got shot.” She said. Jackson turned to look at me, “I have to go help them.” “Yeah, and I’m coming with you.” 

As we opened him up, we looked at Cristina. “I know I can do it.” She said confidently. The door opened once again, seeing the gun pointed at me for the second time that day. “Raise your hands so he can see them.” I whispered and everyone followed my order. 

----

You went with Meredith after Owen got shot. “Meredith, go sit down, you’re bleeding.” “You’re also bleeding.” “Yeah, but I’m fine. You’re having a miscarriage.” I felt useless, my OBGYN knowledge couldn’t help anyone right now. “I’ll check you out after we fix Owen up.” I told her and she nodded shakily. 

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Author’s Note: I didn’t really know how to end this, so here it is. I’m sorry it got dark at the end.