#yes that includes empress of china

[dangermousie]

Pre-Joseon Sageuks: a Biased and Incomplete List

So, as promised way earlier, a post on pre-Joseon sageuks that I’ve either watched or plan to watch so am aware of them. I am sure there are others but here is what I got. Obviously my takes on them are subjective blah blah blah.

Jumong - arguably the Daddy of all Traditional Sageuks, this one ran for over 80 episodes and had insane ratings. It follows the rise of the mythical founder of Gogureyo tho it takes fantastical elements of his story and changes them for historically plausible ones. It’s very long and very meaty and politics/battle heavy and has a large cast of complex characters (including pretty nifty women and a LGBTQ supporting OTP) but it is anchored by the incredible performance of Song Il Gook as the titular character as he slowly but believably grows from nothing to a hero if at the cost of losing his marriage.

The King of Tears Lee Bang Won - this is basically a half and half beast as (you can tell by the title), it’s set in the last days of Goryeo and early days of Joseon. The time period covered is the same as in My Country and Six Flying Dragons, but this is the most traditional take of them all, even more so than 6FD. Not a single pretty face in the cast (tho Joo Sang Wook is a mighty fine man, emphasis on “man”), this is for the real fans of traditional sageuks. I enjoyed it a lot but if you want to check out pre-Joseon sageuks but have mainly watched youth sageuk stuff before, you should probably start with another drama on this list.

The Great Seer - set in the reign of King Gongmin, the last proper king of Goryeo (his son King U is technically the very last but there are questions as to his status), this is for those of you who want to watch Ji Sang in a sageuk. It’s centered around seers but don’t expect mysticism, this knuckles down to politics.

Shin Don - hi there, another story set in the reign of King Gongmin! From the title, you can tel it centers heavily on the powerful monk who ruled for the King at one point. This has been on my to-watch list forever because this appears to devote a decent chunk of its time to Gongmin X Noguk and I am dying for a proper drama for those two. This is from 2005 so if you do watch, keep that in mind in terms of visuals etc. That cast is lit!

Bicheonmu - this is sort of cheating because it’s pretty much set in China but it involves Koreans so. It’s a drama take on the same story told in a pretty awesome movie. Tragic love, battles, young Joo Jin Moo etc. i am very fond of it. This said, find and watch the Chinese version, Korean one was shredded.

The Iron Empress/Empress Cheon Chu - set in Goryeo, this was another of women ruler centric dramas that had a mini popularity peak in late 00s/early 10s (a trend I wish continued.) it got overshadowed by Queen Seonduk but by all accounts is a solid drama. It’s on my list but I haven’t watched it yet.

The King’s Daughter, Soo Baek Hyang - by the writer of The Rebel and My Dearest. Have I got your attention? Another woman centric ruler tale set in Baekje. Yes, there is a love story. That cast is great, to boot. I have started and liked what I’ve seen but got sidetracked. Need to get back to it. Before you look at the ep number and faint seeing the number 108, keep in mind that the eps are half an hour long so it’s an equivalent of a normal 54 ep sageuk so if you can watch eg Empress Ki, you are good with this.

My Country: The New Age - Lee Bang Won but make it gay. OK, I kid, sort of (not really) but this is smart and passionate and heartbreaking. If you want a wide scope or lots of politics, probably not a take for you (Six Flying Dragons is RIGHT there), but if you want an intense, emotional tale, come right in!

Six Flying Dragons - to me, this is THE drama about Lee Bang Won. It’s smart and emotional, deals with politics and has heart. It has a large cast of characters I got invested in, OTPs that will blow your mind etc etc.

Faith/The Great Doctor - if you are a fan of old school shoujo like Red River, Basara or Fushigi Yuugi, this or Moon Lovers are your best bet on this list. A time traveling tale with other fantasy elements about a modern day plastic surgeon who ends up being kidnapped into Goryeo during the early days of King Gongmin’s (hi!) reign by a tormented, oath bound warrior played by Lee Min Ho at his hottest (and playing historical General Choi Young. Do RPS at your pleasure), this one is one of my all time favorites.

Seodonyo/Ballad of Seo Dong - I am actually currently watching this one tho I haven’t been posting about it. Set in both Baekje and Silla, this is an angsty love story with a side of politics. It’s filmed in 2005 and looks accordingly but if you don’t mind dated visuals, this is pretty great!

Emperor of the Sea - set in Silla and Tang, this was a huge hit and deservedly so. Our protag is a slave and gladiator and a great naval hero. This is grim and smart and epic. It’s from 2004 so once again, if dated visuals are no-go, skip, but if you want a great story and performances, this has your name on it.

The Kingdom of the Winds - an epic cursed prince narrative, our ML (Song Il Gook at his sexiest) rises from abandoned prince and slave and abused assassin to general, royal and king, sparing time for an angsty delicious love story with an enemy princess. This has serious sageuk bits AND the best shoujo tropes in the business, plus enough whump to keep anyone happy.

Gye Baek - Lee Seo Jin, another sageuk stalwart, stars as the title character in this tale of a Baekje commoner, war slave and general. This is grim but glorious.

Soldier/God of War - this is a traditional war-centric sageuk and grim as hell. Another slave to general tale.

King Geun Chu Go - this is on my watch list; it’s about a warrior king of Baekje. Haven’t seen it but heard good things.

Ja Myung Go - smart and unrelentingly tragic, featuring Jang Ryeo Won and Jung Kyung Ho as doomed lovers and Park Min Young in an evil role, this is great and has deeply flawed characters in the very definition of doomed by the narrative tale.

Arthdal Chronicles - this is obviously a fantasy but the tale of prophesied twins, magical priestess, wars and mysticism is clearly set in a pre-Joseon in terms of aesthetics world.

Alchemy of Souls - like Arthdal this is pure fantasy but also like Arthdal, a lot of its styling is pre-Joseon so on this list it goes.

Moon Lovers/Scarlet Heart Ryeo - ok I think if people have heard of only one drama on this very long list, it’s probably this one. Modern time traveling heroine ending up during the reign of Goryeo’s King Taejo, in the middle of his sons’ fight for the throne, having an epic but doomed romance with shoujo catnip tortured bad boy Lee Jun Ki.

Shine or Go Crazy - if you want a more historical take on Moon Lovers succession fight but still with plenty of hotness, angst and doomed romance, come right in. This baby stars Jang Hyuk, so you know it’s bound to be good. I actually started it and enjoyed it but got sidetracked. Need to get back to it. Fun fact: while Moon Lovers was hugely popular internationally, domestically Shine or Go Crazy (they aired around the same time), did much better.

The Legend/The First King’s Four Gods - for a long time this was my favorite kdrama of all time and is still probably in my top 10. Ignore the odd first episode, the rest is perfection. Expensive and wonderfully written, this was Bae Yong Joon’s last drama before he retired to rest on his pile of money (if you are young, you probably don’t remember what a big deal he was, bigger than all the Hallyu stars nowadays put together. He basically was singlehandedly supporting the kdrama industry at one point), but what a worthy way to go out. It’s an epic Goguryeo fantasy tale of a prophesied prince coming into his own, with such amazing characters and relationships and OTPs and battles and points about destiny versus free will. It is everything and I kinda want to rewatch now.

The Blade and The Petal/Sword and Flower - ostensibly a star-crossed Gogureyo love story, this really is more about politics. It’s a mixed bag. The visuals are insane but Uhm Tae Woong, while always solid in modern dramas, is out of place in a sageuk (in QSD Kim Nam Gil stole his thunder; there is nobody to do so here but that doesn’t help him.)

Queen Seon Duk - probably the most famous entrant into female power sageuks, this was a mad hit and centered on the titular character’s rise to power and fight for the same with her female nemesis Mishil. If you want love stories, angsty fighter Bidam propelled Kim Nam Gil to stardom as he stole the leading man mantle from Uhm Tae Woong.

Empress Ki - currently rewatching this. It’s set in the waning days of Goryeo but takes place mainly in Yuan. Still, the FL is Korean and a lot of the story revolves around one of her suitors’, a deposed Korean king, attempts to get his land back. As you can tell by my rabid posts, this is a great drama - politics, romance (I ship FL and the Yuan emperor like mad), murder, dysfunction and everything good.

Hwarang - it’s so brain dead it might as well be a brain-eating amoeba in drama form but it did give us both Park Hyung Sik and Park Seo Joon before they made it big in drama world. It’s terrible tho, stay away.

River where the Moon Rises - I have such a love/hate relationship with this drama - I loved the beginning, with our tormented assassin heroine slowly being warmed by the loyal rustic ML with his own trauma. And then Ji Soo’s bullying scandal happened and he was replaced by Na In Woo, aka the actor I like least from any country in all my close to two decades of watching dramas. I tried but I simply couldn’t and I am still mad. This said, if you don’t share my NIW allergy, it’s probably worth a watch.

The Great King’s Dream - if you liked QSD and can’t get enough of the period but want an even more traditional tale, you can do worse than this drama. I liked what I saw but this baby is 70 eps and lacks Bidam so I peaced out. Maybe I will get back to it sometime, but probably not.

Jeong Do Jeon - as you can tell by the title, centers on JDJ and the last days of Goryeo. Not really my bag (time period been done plenty in other dramas and I don’t have that much interest in JDJ) but supposed to be solid.

My Only Love Song - a short silly mess but still probably better than River (which tells the same story) because it doesn’t have NIW.

King Gwanggaeto the Great - 92 eps. I can’t!

The King Loves - delicious love triangle (that goes ALL ways), angst, prettiness, a side of bodyguard romance. What’s not to love in this Goryeo tale?

ETA: this post was so long that when I tried to tag every drama I mentioned, tumblr told me you hit the tag limit of 30 tags no more tags for you. Oh well, sorry dramas that ended up I tagged!

[gwydpolls]

Time Travel Question 37: Ancient History XVII and Earlier

These Questions are the result of suggestions from the previous iteration.

This category may include suggestions made too late to fall into the correct earlier time grouping. Basically, I'd already moved on to human history, but I'd periodically get a pre-homin suggestion, hence the occasional random item waaay out of it's time period, rather than reopen the category.

In some cases a culture lasted a really long time and I grouped them by whether it was likely the later or earlier grouping made the most sense with the information I had. (Invention ofs tend to fall in an earlier grouping if it's still open. Ones that imply height of or just before something tend to get grouped later, but not always. Sometimes I'll split two different things from the same culture into different polls because they involve separate research goals or the like).

Please add new suggestions below if you have them for future consideration. All cultures and time periods welcome.

[sonderwrit]

so in ep 11 of the double there's this guqin competition between the MC (xue fangfei/jiang li) and her sister (jiang ruoyao) and it gave me flashbacks to the time i wrote my own guqin/zither showdown into an original rofan novel set in (fictional) ancient china

that story (incomplete) is still on wattpad & scribblehub so out of curiosity i went back to check it out to see what i wrote. for one thing it was also a talent competition (no surprise, very common in cnovels set in ancient china featuring faceslapping)

and there was a bit of sabotage involved with the FL like, making sure the MC didn't have any nice instruments so she had to use her oldest practice one from home, also FL bumped into MC accidentally on purpose before MC’s turn so she cut her fingers and was playing with that for her turn and overall FL had to deal with peeps putting her down (including the empress dowager!) graciously with comebacks of her own

whereas jiang li beat jiang ruoyao with a song of a helpless woman lamenting her fate i had my MC beat the rival FL with a "war song" (the river runs red 满江红) over a "love song" （face like the peach blossoms 人面桃花）anyways this was a big deal because the country was weak from war and currently at peace so the empress dowager went “how dare you play this bloody war song!!” but MC was like “no no ur wrong” and she won

also this was transmigration so the MC and FL are just characters from the original novel but the actual main character is a random transmigrator in love with a very, very side character behind the scenes mastermind dude who was basically Xiao Heng/Duke Su

lololol so yeah I’m enjoying the double very much yes

now i wanna go back and think more on it someday... (too lazy to write tho honestly)

[the-goblin-cat]

🐗 Ya girl Fimeko

Including Image since you and wes have done so for yours so far

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

According to my research, it is an archaic form of the name Himiko, which means "noble lady." A friend of mine pointed out that Fi is not a sound that exists in modern Japanese; this suits me just fine as she is from an original setting based on ancient Japan.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

Fimeko is a little older than Kotone. Neither of them know their real ages, but to actually answer your question, 21-23 at the start of the story.

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

Fimeko's sort-of-husband Naranbaatar. She is a slave in the court of a nomad warlord and he one of his soldiers; Naranbaatar helps her take control of the camp. A real wife guy. They never formally marry but she declares him to be her husband afterward which is good enough.

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

I've been meaning to make up food lore for the Shattered Kingdoms so here we go. There are a number of grains eaten throughout the land that come in the seven colors of the rainbow. The blue one resembles rice and the yellow one resembles millet. They can be mixed together to make a gummy green dough which is rolled out and sliced into noodles. Fimeko enjoys a soup made with peppers native to the plains, bone broth, and these rough, handcut noodles.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

Fimeko was originally a musician. She has since broken her koto and become a warlord.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Now that she's freed herself, Fimeko is taking up more traditionally masculine hobbies like horse archery and sowrdsmanship, because she believes violence is the answer. She still enjoys music, but has banned the koto from her court.

🎯🥊 -merging these

The thing she is unfortunately most talented at is playing the koto, which she hates. She loves to do violence and her husband.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

If you asked her she would say it's beating Lord Bakuto to death with her koto, but in her heart it's the first day she and Naranbaatar stole a kiss in private behind the lord's tent.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

In her youth before she learned to play well, she would be punished frequently, often through beatings with a switch. Bakuto did not want her hands harmed so usually the strikes targeted her legs and feet, as one can play the koto sitting down. (sometime after she got good enough that punishments were infrequent, she was made to play standing)

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Yes, sorta. When creating her I paid little attention to her outfit; you, chesca, designed that, as well as her makeup

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Reading about Queen Himiko, one of Japan's legendary rulers (according to China. They may or may not have been talking about Empress Jingu). She was allegedly a sorceress who came to the throne through manipulation and assassination, surrounded herself with female attendants, save for one man, who fed and bathed her. She is associated with fire in a lot of modern pop culture that features her.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

Water Maiden is a high fantasy but it dips its toes into political fantasy. She would do well in either.

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Genderwise, cis. For sexuality, I can only say that she likes men. I will have to play with her more to see if she also likes women romantically.

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

None that she knows of.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Fimeko does not remember her father. Her mother is a person she cared about but rarely saw due to their situation; two slaves with different duties, kept in separate quarters. Her mother died when she was very young.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

I like the arc I have planned for her, of going from a person with nothing to becoming a dominant power in the setting, the old nobody to nightmare route.

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

I have not written very much about her in the last little while, other than revising her origin story a couple years ago. But Water Maiden is always on my mind.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

She is probably not going to outlive the novel, heh.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

No but she is triggered by koto music.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Kotone, the protagonist of the novel. They haven't met yet, but sparks will fly. In the non-sexy way. Probably. They were designed to be foils of each other, a blue water girl and a red fire girl, one sad and the other wrathful, strong reasons to hate the world but very different reactions to their respective situations.

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

I wanna say I came up with Water Maiden in 2016, so 8 years.

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

I was most likely 23. I actually came up with the core water maiden concepts about a week before my 23rd birthday but fimeko came about a month after.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Hello! I was wondering, in the post where you listed your current asks you said you have a few other fic ideas for after you were done with requests (I think it was angst fluff and smut). I was wondering what ideas you had for those? Like what characters you plan on using or what the fics were gonna be about

Hello there! If I recall correctly, I mentioned two angst drafts. But yes, I have a plenty of ideas from all three genres. Let me open up my word doc, where I keep my ideas, and list a few.

Hurt/Comfort: Shinobu x M!Reader

Desc: Shinobu has a breakdown in the Chasm, her stoic resolve shattering under the realisation that she might as well die there. R is there to help.

A cute little idea I might get around to writing some day. Why Shinobu? Because best girl, that's why.

Angst: Breakup HCs for Beidou and Ei

It's about 95% done - it has been for over a month by now. Why didn't I release it then? Well, I'm not satisfied with how Beidou's part turned out. But then again, I'm not satisfied with most of my writing, yet you guys seem to enjoy it. When I finish requests (4 left as of now, 3 smut and 1 fluff) I'll take a look at it.

Angst: Issues of Genshin girls

Characters: Jean, Eula, Rosaria, Keqing, Ganyu, Ayaka, Miko, Shinobu, Sara

I have a draft of it on Tumblr, but I focused on doing requests lately. I'm of an opinion that 'the best food is made by a hungry chef' applies to writing as well. The best fluff comes out when you're happy, the best smut when you're thirsty, best angst when you're soul-crushingly sad. It's back to school time (I had two weeks of winter break) so writing angst is a lot easier. Haha... :(

Smut: Childe & M!Reader x Keqing

Desc: Childe gets some highly valuable blackmailing material in his hands, and wants to use it to have some fun with his best pal on an otherwise boring day. Keqing has to make a choice.

A nasty little fic with blackmailing and dubious consent included. The '&' is quite important here, as it would be straight smut, with no action between Childe and R. Will most likely remain unwritten.

Smut: Yae Miko x M!Reader x Gorou

Okay, this one might be a surprise. The fic would inculde awful stuff like mind break, brain washing and slavery (you can guess who's the victim). I know I said that I only write hetero smut, and I stand by that - I'm not certain if I like the idea enough to make an exception. But I have considered it.

Don't ask where I got these ideas. Past me clearly thought these were worth writing down, so here we are. He is quite weird, that guy.

Smut: Empress!Ei x Shogun!M!Reader x Sara

Desc: Ei and Reader reward Sara for her loyalty and uneding devotion.

Because Sara deserves it. This is the oldest smut idea I've written down.

Smut (Warhammer Fantasy): Karl Franz x Miao Ying

Desc: Karl goes on a trip to China to establish trade relations. When he gets to the palace, it turns out he left his wallet at home. How will he pay me now, thinks the dragon empress, already having a different form of payment in mind...

This idea came to be because of one diplomacy line. And the fact that, out of all the ordertide leaders, it is Franz that gets the damsels. It is confirmed by SEGA, Games Workshop, and Marek Suski. Don't check that, just trust me.

Whump: Abusive!Rosaria x M!Reader

Desc: Rosaria comes home drunk, and her kidnapped boytoy is in big trouble. Beating, cutting, and a pair of long nails are involved. I'll leave it up to your imagination where the nails go.

Very horrible idea, 'inspired' by the movie Grotesque. Don't watch it under any circumstances. It's very nasty.

Art: ModernAU!Shinobu smoking on the rooftops.

She is just such a vibe. Maybe, maybe in a year's time I'll do it. I still can't draw.

Okay, that's the first page of seven. Maybe some of these will see their own posts. But I don't know.

[aurora-light-blog]

Getting rid of canon garbage

What do I mean by canon garbage? For my latest fanfiction “Scarlet Pearls”, it’s bigoted details. There are two schools of thought on how to deal with this. First off is complete utter annihilation. Shoot down that racist symbol bird or cat from your story. Make them nonexistent. I fully support this on bigoted flaws in otherwise good stories. The character of scarlet emperor Lo Doq is written as having “affliction that caused him to jerk and stagger when he walked, and drool when he tried to speak.” It isn’t enough that he’s referred to as a simpleton and lackwit. A stereotypical description had to be added too. Well, it isn’t in my story. I tossed it in the garbage where it belongs.

The second method of dealing with canon toxic waste is the trickiest. It’s upcycling reinventing the offensive detail. This is difficult because it can potentially blow up in your face. A fan’s comment alerted this to me that monkey tail hats are totally inaccurate historical detail of Chinese culture. Since getting rid of this detail isn’t as easily explained away, I decided to handle it differently. Yi Ti isn’t a carbon copy fantasy of China. For my headcanon, I used multiple other cultural references. One example is ancient Egyptian which wore elaborate bird headdresses. Actually, it’s a common thread in the ASoIaF series weird animal head gear from antlers on a helmet, dog shaped helmet, and dragon shaped on helmets. With this mind, I came up with the idea of a festival party hat idea. That the royalty wore certain animal shaped hats to represent different attributes.

In addition, since black lions are sacred, fur is actually hard to come by except for monkey fur. So, yes monkey tail hats, monkey skin belts, *probably shoes, monkey meat, and scarves (haven’t included these three yet), and specialty monkey composed whips are available. Hopefully, any bad connation is removed.

What’s left? A story about an unlikely prince Lo Doq (yes, he is still slow, but he is no lackwit) rise to the position of emperor with his beloved empress at his side.

Scarlet Pearls - DarthChocolate - A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms [Archive of Our Own]

[cjrae]

Series: Reaction to a Reaction. Episode 21 "How To Buy Out A Contract."

@i-guess-im-into-this-now, I had a feeling you were gonna have fun with this one!

1.) "Hmmm… is there some connection here? Guen is a "doctor" and Suirei ended up being adopted by a doctor in the Outer Palace. Could she have learned the trade alongside Guen and used that knowledge to impress the Outer Palace doctor?"

I imagine that if Guen and Suirei had been trained by the same mentor, our beloved quack might not actually be a quack. I actually love this bit we get of Guen's backstory. He appears to be a kind soul who's great when it comes to bedside manner, but deliberately choosing to become a eunuch in Not Imperial China is an extremely brave sacrifice for the only son of a formerly wealthy family to make. It really speaks to why Maomao, despite disparaging his medical abilities, respects and cares about him. There's a theme developing here - Luomen, the quack; self sacrificing kindness gets Maomao to put on her Protective Hat real quick!

2.) "Maomao explains to Lihaku that Pairin would likely love to become a mother, but she is very lusty, and is difficult to satisfy in bed.

Lihaku: So she's perfect. Your point?

Okay, so Lihaku has won me over. I'm a sucker who has to support a man in love."

I had a feeling. :D This is one of those lines that stands out to me as an utterly perfect translation of the sentiment being expressed. (The other that comes to mind is Maomao screaming at Lihua's lady in waiting "You think she wants to be adorned in the poison that killed her son?!")

3.) "Friends. I am dying.

Jinshi: My apologies, but what exactly am I interrupting here? Maomao, brightly: Hi Master Jinshi! How are you?

About to go ballistic by the looks of it.

Lady Gyokuyou would love this. It's so funny."

Lady Gyokuyou would pee herself laughing. As does the audience.

To be completely fair to Jinshi, however, this isn't JUST about walking on a scene looks like Maomao was about to give Lihaku a blowjob (allow me to include the manga panel - I'm pretty sure they weren't ALLOWED to animate her that close to Lihaku's crotch).

The first time I saw the scene, though, aside from laughing my ass off, my first thought is that Jinshi is 100% right to be utterly pissed. He's the manager of the Rear Palace and Lihaku should NOT have been undressed anywhere near one of the ladies within it, consort or not. Something that's pointed out in the manga and light novels is that ALL the women in the Inner Palace have the potential to become mother of the nation - if the Emperor were to take a fancy to a lowly maid, that's his prerogative. (In fact, this is how the Empress Regnant - the current Emperor's grandmother rose to her position).

So, yeah. Lihaku managed to piss Jinshi off both personally AND professionally!

4.) "Excuse me, did he just refer to Maomao as his cat?"

Yes. Yes he did. Just in case this somehow hadn't come up yet, her name is literally written as the character for cat twice. 猫猫

5.) "In fact Maomao is a boon to everyone in her life. We saw it twice this episode with Guen and now with Lihaku."

The ending title of the second half of the season is "Ai wa Kusuri," or "Love is Medicine." I think I remember you saying that you hadn't closely watched either the opening and closing titles, but the first opening and the second closing are absolutely rich with symbolism. (I've got an analysis ready to go for "Ai wa Kusuri", but I need still images at the very least to do an art analysis and given that I'm trying to teach my six month old to sleep through the night, I have no brain space for trying to get my own screencaps to go through it shot by shot).

To make a long analysis very short, women in the show tend to be represented as flowers - specifically poisonous flowers. The flower Maomao is associated with is actually the very first shot in the series, but the characters won't touch on it until Episode 23. Unlike the courtesans and the consorts, (and princes) who are all enmeshed inside this poisonous system, Maomao provides medicine. (After all, what is the difference between poison and medicine? Dosage). Everybody who knows Maomao is made better for it - especially Jinshi.

6.) "It almost seems like Jinshi was testing Lihaku and he passed. Maybe making sure that Lihaku has integrity? Maybe Jinshi is thinking about bringing him into his very small trusted circle? Lord knows Jinshi could use more allies."

I mentioned on the last episode that Jinshi is a political animal and I love the scene between him and Lihaku because it showcases both Jinshi absolutely in his element, at his most manipulative, as well as really exemplifying not just Lihaku's integrity, but also the qualities that make him an exceptional up-and-coming soldier.

Jinshi is being smooth and charming. He doesn't just have the sparkly charm he puts to easy use around his admirers. He's using Lihaku's public accomplishments as artillery in this flattery bombardment, before making the offering to put up the money to buy out Pairin. To a simple soldier, in love, it ought to be an irresistible offer - and if Lihaku takes it, he will be forever indebted to Jinshi, making him a very useful tool to be used later, not to mention getting him away from Maomao.

Lihaku, for all that he may not think too deeply about certain subjects, is NOT stupid. He immediately recognizes that this offer is too good to be true. And, unlike the majority of the court, having the "most beautiful person in the nation" flatter and compliment him provokes caution. It's also worth noting that Lihaku picks up on Jinshi being pissed about implying that Maomao is a vehicle for Jinshi's trust. Jinshi's expressions are extremely controlled and we actually see the shift between his public expression of distaste and the blue anger radiating off of him that Lihaku can see. I guarantee you, most people would never have picked up on Jinshi's actual emotional state.

And then comes the polite refusal of the devil's bargain. In that moment, Jinshi's in shock - he's just found something extremely rare and valuable in a royal court. A talented soldier with the integrity to turn down his heart's desire because to take Jinshi's offer would be to strip the meaning of buying Pairin's contract of all it's emotional meaning and reduce it back down to a business transaction. We watch Lihaku earn Jinshi's respect in a single conversation - and the tone immediately shifts from bribery to recruitment.

(Also, the scene in the light novel lets us go into a little more detail of what Lihaku's thinking. HE picks up immediately that Jinshi doesn't really fit the typical profile of a eunuch...Maomao, you could take an example from this!)

7.) "A certain someone came to talk to granny about making a purchase at the brothel and some of the servant girls got the wrong idea. Lakan apparently. What the hell is his game this time? Mess with Maomao's sisters to draw her out of the Rear Palace?"

Well, there's also the "blue roses" comment. Next episode, Lakan goes on the attack!

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E21 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Lakan - strategist. Maomao's biological father.

Lihaku - a young military officer

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Guen - the palace doctor

Lihaku is sparring and doing poorly because he is too distracted. Probably thinking about his true love Pairin and wondering if she is the princess who is having her contract bought out. Last time Maomao was at the brothel we learned that Meimei had some offers, but we haven't heard anything about Pairin.

Maomao is back in the Rear Palace and happy to be in the pharmacy with her old friend Guen, making him clean and organize.

We learn that Guen's family manufactures paper. They used to be quite wealthy until logging was banned and they had to cut back production. Under more dire circumstances, the eldest daughter chose to work in the palace. Guen volunteered to become a eunuch to follow her, but he never saw her again. Missing sister huh? Suirei maybe?

Hmmm... is there some connection here? Guen is a "doctor" and Suirei ended up being adopted by a doctor in the Outer Palace. Could she have learned the trade alongside Guen and used that knowledge to impress the Outer Palace doctor?

There is an issue with the paper that is manufactured for the palace, and the family is likely to lose their purveyor status if the problem isn't fixed. Luckily Maomao is a genius and can figure out the problem with minimal clues.

OMG, Lihaku. He's down sooooo bad for Pairin.

The man is dedicated. I will grant him that. He wants to know what he needs to do to buy out her contract. He's looking for an amount, and Maomao is stalling in giving him a direct answer. It's complicated since Pairin's desires can change that amount.

We learn that Maomao was a ward of the brothel. And induced lactation is a thing I just learned about today. Pairin was a mother figure to Maomao.

Maomao explains to Lihaku that Pairin would likely love to become a mother, but she is very lusty, and is difficult to satisfy in bed.

Lihaku: So she's perfect. Your point?

Okay, so Lihaku has won me over. I'm a sucker who has to support a man in love.

Maomao: Master Lihaku understands what Pairin does for a living and is still in love with her. He may act like a big dumb dog, but seems to be honest and a hard worker.

Yeah that all tracks.

Maomao tells him he has to come up with roughly 10x his annual income to buy out Pairin's contract. She then asks to examine his physique to see if he matches Pairin's tastes. And now would be a perfect time for someone to interrupt this scene. Preferably someone who views Lihaku as a romantic rival and can misread the situation...

Oh my god. Right on cue. Thank you storytellers for feeding your audience!

The looks on Lihaku's and Maomao's faces! They are so busted.

Friends. I am dying.

Jinshi: My apologies, but what exactly am I interrupting here? Maomao, brightly: Hi Master Jinshi! How are you?

About to go ballistic by the looks of it.

But anyway, since Maomao won't acknowledge Jinshi's jealousy her only choice is to be so very terrible at reading the room that it seems like she's trolling Jinshi. She once again describes the situation in the most ambiguous way, so that the chance that Jinshi will misunderstand is maximized. It's 💋👌

Lady Gyokuyou would love this. It's so funny.

Maomao's bright response to Jinshi's question let's me know that even if she isn't willing to acknowledge the situation she isn't ignorant to it.

There are so many good lines here, I'm tempted to write them all.

Maomao: Nothing improper was going on. I was simply taking a good hard look.

Jinshi takes psychic damage.

Jinshi: I didn't realize the physical form was of such interest to you.

Maomao: It was absolutely necessary... ...It was to see if his body would be good enough. What better way to judge that than to inspect him myself?

Critical hit. Jinshi's down. If he isn't actually crying, it's a close thing.

Jinshi: Humor me. Based on what you observed... were you satisfied?

Jinshi's entire outlook for the future hinges on this answer.... LOL

Maomao goes on to explain what she can deduce based on an assessment of someone's appearance.

Jinshi, jealous: Then you should be able to tell what kind of person I am by looking at my body.

No sir, you are the exception, she very deliberately won't determine anything about you that challenges her delusions.

Maomao: Wait a minute? Is he jealous of Master Lihaku?

Um.... yeah!

Maomao: I can't believe this guy's ego! He just wants to brag about being prettier than him!

You almost had it, Maomao. So close.

Maomao lives in her own delusional world where she can admire Jinshi's beautiful, well toned figure and still convince herself that she has zero interest in him.

Maomao: I'd offer to inspect your body too, but there'd be no point.

A final blow. Gaoshun is thinking about what a hassle it is going to be to motivate Jinshi to work in the next few days when he's going to be crying in the corner again.

Once Jinshi knows what's going on, he decides to involved himself in Lihaku's business. He offers to put up the money for Lihaku to buy out Pairin's contract. Is he trying to remove a romantic rival or earn points with Maomao by supporting her big sis? Both probably.

Jinshi: You've met my cat. So you know she can be the cautious type. And yet she's willing to give you advice and consider you to be a legitimate candidate to be her sister's husband. So, I think that says enough.

Excuse me, did he just refer to Maomao as his cat?

Damn, the day Lihaku nonchalantly gave Maomao a hairpin, really, really, has paid off.

In fact Maomao is a boon to everyone in her life. We saw it twice this episode with Guen and now with Lihaku.

Lihaku: In short, if she's comfortable letting her guard down around me, I'm trustworthy.

Yeah, Jinshi didn't like that. He's worked for nearly two years to get Maomao to let down her guard around him with little success, but by all appearances, Maomao will do so easily with Lihaku. And that's... true. Lihaku, is not, and has never been, a threat to Maomao's heart. She can stare at his physique or talk intimately and it means nothing at all to Maomao. But of course Jinshi doesn't know that. Which is what makes this hilarious.

And perhaps the unspoken part of this deal, is that Lihaku take the money to go live happily with Pairin, and stay the fuck away from Jinshi's girl.

Jinshi has done his research on Lihaku. It seems he comes from a good family, but was recruited by Lakan. Interesting. Jinshi is listing Lihaku's merits, and he sounds almost sarcastic, like he's forcing the words.

Lihaku: While she might only be a courtesan to you. In my eyes, there's no other woman in the world for me.

Lihaku gives a very nice little speech to Jinshi about wanting to use his own wealth to get Pairin. And he says some very important words:

See Jinshi? He has no interest in your girl? You can rein in your jealousy now.

And Jinshi is relieved. He says he'll need to speak with Lihaku again soon. As brother-in-laws maybe?

It almost seems like Jinshi was testing Lihaku and he passed. Maybe making sure that Lihaku has integrity? Maybe Jinshi is thinking about bringing him into his very small trusted circle? Lord knows Jinshi could use more allies.

Lihaku has come a long way from demanding Maomao compensate him for helping her visit her father outside the palace, to refusing the free money he needs to free the woman he loves.

Jinshi and Gaoshun walk away, and Jinshi is much happier after this conversation. He doesn't have to worry about Lihaku as a romantic rival any more. Which is good for Jinshi, but sad for me.

Lihaku's not giving up. He keeps training, trying to advance his career, save his money, and connect with Pairin however he can. Maomao seems to think it's a hopeful match.

A certain someone came to talk to granny about making a purchase at the brothel and some of the servant girls got the wrong idea. Lakan apparently. What the hell is his game this time? Mess with Maomao's sisters to draw her out of the Rear Palace?

Next episode:

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Coming soon!

[guzhuangheaven]

How do you feel about villainizing Wu Zetian in dramas and movoies?

We know zilch about Wu Zetian and have not attentively seen many dramas about her so it’s a little hard to answer this. 

I think even Chinese dramas nowadays are woke enough to not attempt making her completely evil and completely unsympathetic, but to pass her off as an innocent snowflake who must become edgy and unwillingly stumbled into power is also a disservice. 

I’d like to know if there is a drama/movie somewhere that managed to give a multidimensional portrayal of her as a complex character without passing judgement on her ambitions. I’m genuinely asking because I don’t know. Many of the more recent dramas about Wu Ze Tian were pretty meh from my attempts into them. -H

[cuteconsortboys]

If you got inspired by ancient Asian Palaces, did you know there were so many princes and princesses that people lost count sometimes, some were forced first few heirs since they want kids to be competitive and such and some were from servants prince on paper but won't hold any kind of power just grow up to be servants.

And 'harem' by word is comes from Ottoman and means 'forbidden' like forbidden from the eyes and ears of common folk.

And if you want to learn more you can watch Xiran Jay Zhao on YouTube

'how a nun became China's first female emperor' she explained some of the stuff I talked about there.

And I love male consort au you made, I was from your other blog and first I thought you were a different blogger than I saw rebloggings on the other one... my face than was a funny site to be seen when I realised.

Yes, I have lots of books on harems and dispelling the myths about them.

The harem was the women’s quarters, really. And outsiders were not allowed inside.

Of course, the European men who saw that just decided that they weren't allowed in because it was a sex den or something, even though the Sultan's mother etc. would also live in the harem and it would include religious spaces, education spaces, children, etc.

In actuality, very few members of the biggest harems would actually be sexually active with the current Sultan.

My AU is a bit of a twist, simply because I can't include too much family because it would exclude certain readers. I can't put the empress's mother in the harem because some readers may not have a mother or like their mother etc. But I do include the children of the empress's husbands and stuff, so I'm definitely not writing it as a sex den lol.

Also, thank you for the recommendation, and I'm glad you're liking the AU! ♥♥♥

[redgoldsparks]

May Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

reviews below the cut! 

BTS: Blood, Sweat and Tears by Tamar Herman

Tamar Herman is a well respected pop culture journalist who has been covering kpop for nearly a decade, writing for Forbes, Billboard, MTV, Teen Vogue, South China Morning Post and more. I know that she is a long-time fan of BTS. This book, however, is written with a strong degree of journalist distance and seems aimed at an audience unfamiliar, at least less familiar, with BTS. I picked it up hoping for something a little more personal, more emotional, written for ARMY. Instead I got a very competent and solid overview of the timeline of BTS's career and summaries of every song in their entire discography through MOTS:7. This was helpful for me when I was working on a personal project of listening to every BTS song in chronological order to make my ultimate playlist of favorite songs. But there were some chapters of this book which felt like reading a long Wikipedia entry. One highlight was an interview with Dr. Murray Stein, author of Jung's Map of the Soul: An Introduction which was one of the inspirations for the MOTS albums. I do wish that Herman had included some of her own experiences or memories from interviewing BTS and watching their concerts, but I suppose I will have to find that type of content in a different book.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay

Beautiful, mysterious, queer, and surprisingly moving for such a short story. I listened to the audiobook which is only 2.5 hours, yet I was riveted the whole time. Chih, a nonbinary travelling cleric-historian, is on the way to the capital city to record the beginning of the new Empress's reign. But with the coming of the new ruler, many historical sites which had previously been sealed are now re-opened. Chih can't resist a stop at Lake Scarlet, where the previous Empress lived for a brief time in exile. Chih finds one last living servant of the previous Empress still tending the house, and they begin learning more and more stories and secrets about the exile. I highly recommend this story, and the audiobook in particular.

River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey read by Peter Berkrot

Have you been looking for a cheesy Western with queer and nonbinary characters riding hippopotami on a gun-slinging adventure on the Mississippi river? If yes, then this is the book for you! I can't say that it was good, exactly, but it was entertaining. I liked hearing they/them pronouns used in a historical fiction novel, but story couldn't seem to fully commit to whether i's characters were anti-heroes or villains and the highly silly premise required a bit more suspension of disbelief that I have to offer at the moment so I probably won't continue the series.

The Way of the Househusband vol 2 by Kousuke Oono

This is just as silly and entertaining as the first volume, but I do wish that some of the chapters were a little longer. Each situation Tatsu the Yazuka-turned-househusband ends up resolves in the same neat way within the same short page count. I'd like to see a longer problem that takes some twists and turns before it's solved.

Know My Name by Chanel Miller

This book blew me away, and I will be thinking about it for a long time. I am so grateful to the friend who lent it to me, because I'm not sure if I would have picked it up on my own and I'd hate to have missed out on it. Chanel Miller is a writer, activist, artist in multiple medias including comics, and an occasional standup comedian. In January 2015 she was raped on the Stanford college campus in her hometown of Palo Alto. She decided to press charges and got dragged into a court case which lasted for years and was highly publicized in California. The name of the rapist, Brock Turner, was released, but she was known as Emily Doe in the press. In June 2016 the Victim's Impact statement which Miller read at the sentencing was published on Buzzfeed and went viral. I remember reading it, sitting at my desk, at work on a different college campus about an hour from Stanford. I remember the pure unflinching honesty of the piece, the kind of diamond hard truth that cuts through bullshit like a sword. And yet, despite Brock Turner being found guilty of three felonies by a unanimous jury, he was sentenced to only three months jail time, and the appeals process dragged out for six further months. Despite the heavy subject this book is a pleasure to read, funny, enraging, moving and meditative by turns. I am in love with Miller's writing. I really hope she publishes more books in the future, as I will pick up anything she writes, fiction or nonfiction. For now I will enjoy the short work she posts on instagram and recommend this book to everyone.

Fights: One Boy's Triumph Over Violence by Joel Christian Gill

This is a difficult book to read, because it's painful to picture this kind of violence, sexual abuse, and bullying happening to any child. And it's hard to read because I am friends with the author, and I hate that these things happened to him when he was young. But I went into this memoir already knowing the happy ending: that Joel grew up to build a loving family, to become an Associate Professor of Illustration at Massachusetts College of Art and Design, and to write and illustrate multiple successful graphic novels and picture books. This book exists for other young people also surviving violence, and as a reminder to adults who work with children that kids who starts fights often lack options, resources, mentorship, safety-- what they need is support, not punishment.

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas and read by Avi Roque

Yadriel is a member of a magical Latinx community in East LA, blessed by Lady Death with the powers to see and hear spirits of the dead. On their quences, girls of the family gain the power to heal physical wounds and boys gain the power to safely release spirts into the afterlife. Yadriel's quences has been delayed because he threatens the ancient traditions of the family- he's trans, and knows he is meant to work with spirits, not heal. His cousin Maritza helps him perform the brujo coming of age ritual in secret- the same night that a member of their family is murdered. In trying to help solve the mystery around the death, Yadriel accidently summons the spirit of Julian Diaz, a teen boy from his high school who has also been recently killed. Now Yadriel feels compelled to solve his murder as well. There's so much to love in this book- great queer characters, magic deeply rooted in specific cultures, very rich imagery- but there were small things about it that frustrated me. Mainly the fact that some pieces of plot information were explained three or four times, which felt a little repetitive since I listened to the whole audiobook over just a few days. I was able to guess the major piece of the climax about 1/3 of the way into the story, because the foreshadowing was very strong. But I still loved the main characters and would absolutely recommend this book, especially to teen readers.

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai

Originally published in Japanese in 1937, I was reading an English translation from the late 1950s. This short novel of disconnection and depression is written in from the point of view of Yozo, a man who seems unable to connect emotionally with other humans. My 2021 brain kept wondering if the character was neurodivergent, but lacked any language to define his experience. It manifested as an extreme fear of people's bewildering and unknowable emotions. Yozo developed the personality of a class clown in childhood as a way to control people's reactions to him. He had ambitions to be a painter but ended up working primarily as a cartoonist later in life between bouts of alcoholism, drug addition, two suicide attempts and numerous affairs. Yozo is very susceptible to peer pressure and when he fell in with a bad friend, he was never really able to turn his around. The book left me thinking about will power, and how important it is to define what you want, and follow your own path even when it runs contrary to the general pattern of society. I'm unlikely to recommend this book to anyone though.

Here For It; Or, How to Save Your Soul in America written and read by R. Eric Thomas

An enjoyable, entertaining, and occasionally quite moving collection of essays on growing up Black, gay, and Christian before coming into your own on the internet. Thomas writes about a powerful high school friendship; about attending and failing out of Columbia; about stalking the queer student group before he was willing to publicly join; about dating, race, writing, and self-discovery. I definitely recommend the audiobook, which is read by the author.

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen

A beautiful young adult comic which starts out light and then snuck up on me with a rising tide of emotions. Tiến is a first generation American son of Vietnamese immigrants, who wants to come out to his parents as gay, but isn't sure how to say it. He bonds with his mother through their shared love of fairy tales- throughout the book they read several stories to each other which wind through their own family narrative. The narratives of Tatterhood, the Little Mermaid and a Vietnamese version of Cinderella are beautiful illustrated and woven powerfully into the main storyline. Highly recommend.

Magic For Liars by Sarah Gailey read by Xe Sands

PI Ivy Gamble has a twin sister who was born with magic, left in their teenage years to attend a magic boarding school, and is now a tenured teacher at another prestigious magic academy. Ivy has no magic, and suffered bitterness, jealousy and depression after her sister left and her mother died of cancer. Ivy tries to even avoid thinking about magic, or remember that it exists... until she is hired to solve a murder at the school where her twin teaches. The book's murder mystery is satisfying, something with enough quirks to keep me intrigued but enough clues that I was able to mostly solve it slightly ahead of the narrative. However, Ivy isn't a very likeable main character (she isn't mean to be) and her constant self-sabotaging and borderline alcoholism was a bit frustrating. Still, it is a unique take on the magic-school genre. If you like somewhat pulpy murder mysteries, or mysteries with supernatural twists, you will likely enjoy this.

Queer As All Queer: 10 People Who Inspired Me by Shelby Criswell

A well-researched and thoughtful exploration of the lives of queer heroes who are often overlooked. These people fought for the freedoms we have today, and lived unapologetic lives against the odds. Criswell weaves together personal thoughts and observations from the modern day with these ten illustrated biographies.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Does Bing gē Have Descendants in ‘The Untold Tale?’

This topic has come up a few times since The Untold Tale takes place in the PIDW universe (post-Bingge vs Bingmei extra), I figured I might as well compile and archive my official answer here for me to refer my AO3 readers to in the future for convenience’s sake. I hope everyone doesn’t mind. :) I’m always happy to answer questions!

TL;DR

Q: Will we see Bing gē having fathered children with his harem of 600 or so wives in TUT?

A: For TUT, the answer is a definite “no.” There were a lot of factors which’d contributed to my decision. I’ll try to explain my reasoning down below.

Context

In PIDW, it is canon that Luo Binghe has a bountiful number of descendants with his harem of 600-or-so wives. It is a detail that has been mentioned even in ch1 of SVSSS and in ep1 of the donghua.

(SVSSS Excerpt - ch1)

(SVSSS donghua - ep1)

I like to plan things ahead of time. So from very early on, I knew this would be something I would have to decide on whether or not to address when I’d finally decided to expand TUT from just a prologue into a full-blown story. And after contemplating it, I decided against adding children into the story. It is because 1) it would make the situation more complicated, and 2) it would take TUT in a different direction that wouldn’t be fun for me to write.

I’m a very decisive writer, meaning when I make my mind up about something, chances are I won’t change my mind. This is because I would have already planned it into my plot outline, which means changing a decision would require me to change other details in the other chapters I have planned for that story. (I’m typically not a spontaneous writer; I try not to write spontaneously because when you’re a writer who rotates through multiple WIPs with different characters across different genres or writing styles, you inevitably have writer’s block because you probably won’t remember all the ideas or the direction you had whenever you return back to a different WIP. To reduce this shortcoming, it helps me personally to have a plot outline. This way I can return to any WIP, read my notes and then transcribe them into legible paragraphs, find a way to transition between the story beats I have to hit for that chapter, and then eventually post the final draft to AO3 when I feel it’s ready.)

Having made a decision, I knew I had to set it up in TUT and give a “reasonable explanation in-story.” Hence, in ch2, we see:

(Excerpt I - ch2)

Basically the set-up is TUT takes place post-Bingge vs Bingmei, but between “the third or fourth book” of the hypothetical PIDW webnovel series aka before Airplane wrote the fanservicey chapters where the luckier of LBH’s wives give birth to children during the harem drama plots and the children are probably rarely, if ever, mentioned again in the story as a lot of stallion novels tend to do.

(Excerpt II - ch2)

(Excerpt III - ch2)

Contrarian Tendencies

You know the saying: Monkey see, monkey do? In my case, it’s monkey see, monkey do not do.

A little fun fact about me as a writer: if I have already seen a fanfic where someone has already written a concept or idea into their story, chances are I will just avoid it entirely in my own stories. I don’t know why this aversion exists, but I’m assuming it’s because of my counterculture hipster inclinations and an intrinsic fear of plagiarism which has been beaten into all of our skulls since adolescence. There’s nothing wrong with being inspired by other people’s works. Technically everything’s been done before in writing so, as a writer, a good rule of thumb is to always try to give it your own unique spin on things. So for me, my brain somehow interpreted this a step further. This is a reason why I try to avoid reading stories from whichever fandom my WIP is from during the writing process of updating a fic, because this is how I get influenced. Once I see an idea or interpretation from another fanfiction, it influences me to not want to write it into my own. This is a very strong unconscious impulse for me. I guess this is just the neurons in my brain’s thinking that this way, it won’t be something my readers will have read before and the story idea will come across as different or fresh, and mine. In a way this is also how I show respect for fanfiction writers in the same fandom—by being inspired to not be inspired, ha. I like to think every story in the world serves a niche audience, so seeing a diverse range of originality and interpretations in a fandom is a good thing. This is also how I feel when I am able to identify certain popular tropes or depictions or patterns in a fandom; 99% of the time, it makes me feel a compulsion to “go against the grain” or write the opposite. For example, you have no idea how long it took me to come around the idea of incorporating the fanon “A-Yuan” into TUT. However cute it is, the moment it dominated the fandom (well, “dominated” is an exaggeration; it’s more like I’ve seen enough, especially in the Original LBH/ SY | SQQ tag), my gut reaction was to nope out of using it. But after seeing a lot of comments in my inbox with readers affectionately calling SY “A-Yuan,” I’d contemplated it for a long time and it wasn’t until ch4 that I decisively decided that yes, I can have Bing gē calling SY “A-Yuan” in TUT—but it has to be at the right moment for maximum dramatic and emotional impact. (See this thread that started it all. And this is the small sneak peek I wrote where LBH will call SY that for the first time.) <- This is the rare 1% where I actually conformed to what’s popular.

In this case, when I finally decided to expand the prologue into a full-blown story, coincidentally I had just recently read a good Binggeyuan (Bingyuan) fanfic which featured a kidnapped Shen Yuan interacting with Bing gē’s harem and LBH’s children/descendants. I’d liked their portrayal and even thought the children were cute. <- However, with me having reading this, the problem came up: I felt the familiar stubbornness in me rearing its head. So knowing myself, if I had included children, it is very likely the direction that I would have gone down for TUT would have been the opposite. To further complicate matters, you have to keep in mind the kind of writer I am. I tend to like grounding stories with a semblance of realism, no matter if the genre is pseudohistorical fantasy, romance, sci-fi, etc. And this writer has seen and read quite a few harem and palace intrigue Chinese dramas/ premises.

For further context, in those types of “historical” C-dramas^, in that sort of environment which fosters scheming, competition, jealousy, etc, it is almost expected to see heirs aka children aka descendants harmed along with the women. Innocent parties are often victims in these sorts of cutthroat premises, to underscore the underlying message the show or novel wishes to present. (See Ruyi’s Royal Love in the Palace. See Yanxi Palace. See The Legend of Haolan. See Nirvana in Fire. See The Rebirth of the Malicious Empress of Military Lineage. Etc.) And me being me, this would be the direction I would take. Remember, while TUT is meant to emulate a legitimate danmei C-novel reading experience in a fantasy world, I do drop pseudohistorical and cultural Easter eggs into the story. So trust me when I say you would not like the direction TUT would have gone down in, had I made LBH have children with his harem. I mean, theoretically yes, we could’ve seen endearing children characters from me, but you would have also seen me addressing a lot of the baggage that comes with (see Comment III Excerpt down below).

The situation with dissolving Bing gē’s harem is already complicated enough. As his romance with Shen Yuan develops, I didn’t want to have an additional headache thinking about how to address the issue of LBH having children already. Divorces in a pseudohistorical context is already a heavy topic—even more so when it’s divorces with children in the mix. Naturally I will still have SY and LBH eventually discuss the matter of legitimate heirs since LBH will essentially become the Sacred Ruler of all Three Realms and it’s a traditional precedent for an emperor to bed his empress, noble consort, and imperial concubines until he has his heirs (plural, because the rate of mortality was high in ancient China). In TUT’s case, at that point in the story SY will remind LBH that he’s essentially an immortal sovereign so there isn’t any need for an heir unless he wishes to retire. Furthermore, he will inform LBH that he could set a new precedent since he’s already different from the other emperors from history (with him being of half-Heavenly Demon and half-human cultivator lineage); as long as LBH is fully aware of all perspectives of the situation, he doesn’t necessarily need to conform to all traditions if this is something he really feels strongly about. But this future conversation(s) is likely the extent of it.

But wait, you say, what about a certain someone who’s going to be transmigrated as an imperial crown prince? Isn’t he going to be in that sort of vicious upbringing? <- Yes. But that’s an entirely seperate matter. In a way, since I’ve decided Bing gē will not have had any children or descendants in TUT, with Airplane, this now presents an opportunity for me to show the consequences of being one of the many children of an emperor with a harem of women vying for one man’s attention—and the power struggle that’d ensue in this kind of environment. It’s an interesting What-If parallel, if you think about it.

AO3 Comments

Although these are just small excerpts from replies I’ve written before, it’s nice and orderly to just compile them here for everyone since these will be buried underneath all the comments as TUT updates:

(Comment I- ch3)

(Comment II- ch4)

(Comment III- ch4)

Because of seeing comments that have asked me for my thoughts on whether or not I will include LBH’s children, I’ve had so much fun seeing theories thrown around: from LBH’s blood parasites being able to control conception, to someone’s headcanon about LBH being a hybrid and all that entails scientifically (think: mules). I will say in TUT, it’s more the former since in PIDW he’s supposed to have descendants; we’re pretending Bing gē doesn’t have any yet (and now definitely won’t, especially after having heard SY’s “prophecy”) because he subconsciously does not want children due to certain fears, trauma, etc. And his Heavenly Demon’s “blood parasites” (blood manipulation) is a convenient story device to explain why no wife has gotten pregnant yet.

I hope this explanation makes sense! Mainly I just wanted to have this archived on tumblr so that I have this post to refer to moving forward.

On a side note: especially since ch4 had been posted, quite a few people have actually mentioned they’ve read my replies to other comments and/or I have seen different people having hopped onto other readers’ comment threads (for example, imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw a reader you lovely person, you helpfully jumping in to respond to another reader’s questions about TUT, and their answers were actually aligned with what I would’ve answered!), so it’s always such a thrill whenever I see this level of engagement happening. I can’t explain why, but seeing this happening is just so cute to me. It really makes this writer feel so warm and fuzzy inside!

[jinzhaohui]

is that wang ziyi ?? no, it’s just jin zhaohui. he is from china. he is 27 years old and his birthday is the 27 of november which makes him a scorpio.  he is easy-going and witty also overzealous and noncomittal but, unfortunately, also nonchalant and short-sighted. those traits just make him a gryffindor and in scientific terms an enfj. he is heterosexual and the plaza’s icarian.  his theme song is miyazaki by gallant. his interests include gaming, traveling, and annoying the people he loves. he practices buddhism. his quirk is imitating the old man shrug when he has no words  and favourite quote is we’re here for a good time not a long time by idk google because it’s true. last but not least he does not believe in true love.

PROFILE   /   TASKS   /   PINTEREST

yes, down below i totally ripped this from his profile page.

sixth and last child of the late emperor and empress. and pampered as hell. literally. zhaohui grew up never needing to want nor ask for more, because if the occasion ever arose it was taken care of promptly then and there. he grows to have everything and anything, an ever-growing excess that should keep his boredom at bay.(at least that is what it should have done)

instead, zhaohui finds himself growing bored easily. of the never-changing scenery, of how quick everyone is to please and appease him. so, he does what every pubescent, reckless kid does when they need a change  –  he rebels. (imagine the parties, the headlines, the overzealous spending and obscene pictures splattered across weibo)

but is it a rebellion when everyone is so quick to excuse him and his actions ?

sooner than expected, zhaohui’s 'rebellion' becomes but a funny, short-lived memory however his boredom is still present, if not a haunting reminder of how life is so damn stagnant. (the parties never end, the headlines but a matter of fine-print among comments about how zhaohui is so fun and inviting unlike his other siblings, and the spending ... well, it's well spent)

he goes through the motions, becoming the carefree, pleasant prince that no one can seem to hate because that’s just how he is and what can they do but adore the way he smiles his way out of the most minor of inconveniences. somehow knowing just what to say at the exact right time has become a habit, if not, a talent of his.

that’s when he gets into university. (too dumb for oxford, somehow smart enough for tsinghua) and is surprised by how different university life is to palace life. its filled with new experiences and much, much more opinionated people. the friends he makes in university are interesting, they don’t always agree with him, but they do know him and the money he brings with him. this interesting mix of people open up possibilities for him that he never quite thought of before, his brain an afterthought to his exuberant nature usually. this is how he and his friends co-found haoyu (浩宇) group.

haoyu group: what started as a way to develop games / invest in the gaming market in china quickly grew into a technology conglomerate like the likes of LVMH and tencent.

as a cofounder and major shareholder of the company, it leaves zhaohui with lots of free-time, too much free time. if he’s not needed in the office, he can be found in different parts of the world, traveling to his heart’s desire, never being in one place for too long, only going back for the most dire of things.

his siblings could expect a billion pictures sent to them via the group chat he single-handedly keeps alive just to make them aware he hasn't died in a cave in tijuana yet. the pictures are never in the same place twice, always doing something fun and adventurous with people he'll never see again. because that's who zhaohui has always been fun, wild and overly friendly. always searching for the next big thing to cure his next big bout of boredom.

but as free-willed as he is, zhaohui does want to seem useful to his family of rigid and ruthless intellects and country-praised royals, so this leads him to investing in interesting enterprises such as entertainment companies and acquiring weibo (which was definitely a suggestion from lixue).

(in hope that this could help in controlling the news and propaganda that gets regulated in china as weibo is among china's biggest social media platforms) currently, he's in the process of negotiations to gain control of wechat (another social media platform in china but this one is much, much bigger).

his life philosophy may very well be "we're here for a good time not a long time", and he wholeheartedly lives his life through such a motto whether it be in his relationships, where he travels and how he approaches any situation.

TL;DR

he’s overly friendly, traveled pretty much everywhere (you already know he has a ticket to space lbr), noncommittal af and cannot stay tied to one place, dumb personality but not so dumb business smarts, youngest chinese prince, gets bored easily.

SOME PLOTS

always hitting on his friend’s siblings so pls if you’re his friend and you have a sibling, watch out

noncommittal surprise surprise so get this guy some exes, maybe some one night stands, maybe fwb? but even those he may ditch after a couple months

maybe a fwb that he visits every few months just to keep it interesting like oh hi i forgot how u taste, ok now i remember lmfao

some friends to house his ass when he’s on their side of the world every few months because he’s always on the move

he’s just here for some fun and also to annoy his siblings but what else is new

we’re up for anything and everything so please give a like and i’ll come message you ~

[sifeng]

Long Dramas for Your Quarantined Soul

Stuck at home with nothing to do? Watch a long, angsty drama and find yourself crying over fictional characters! 

1. Goodbye My Princess (东宫)

Episodes: 52

Genres: Historical/Romance

A young prince striving for power decides to use the ninth princess of Xi Zhou as a pawn in his game, but he finds himself falling for her in the process. Thus sets forth a tragic romance that even forgotten memories cannot stop from spiraling into chaos. Add in some beautiful cinematography, gorgeous costumes and great actors and you get a fantastic drama!

This will be you after the finale (spoiler alert!)

2. The Untamed (陈情令)

Episodes: 50

Genres: Wuxia/Mystery

During his training, Wei WuXian of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect met Lan WangJi of the Gusu Lan Sect. Even though they are polar opposite, the two are suddenly tied together after discovering a plot by the land dominated Wen clan to acquire all the pieces of the Yin Iron. However, during a battle against Wei WuXian, now known as the infamous Yiling Patriarch, he is presumed dead after falling off a cliff due to Jiang Cheng, who was like a brother to him. Sixteen years later, Wei WuXian suddenly wakes up after a crazy cultivator called Mo XuanYu performed a ritual sacrificing his body in exchange for bringing back Wei WuXian to fulfill his revenge plan. To hide his real identity, Wei WuXian pretends to be Mo XuanYu. However, he is soon reunited with Lan WangJi and the pair then works together to solve a series of mysteries and expose the secret figure pulling the strings behind the evildoings now wreaking havoc in the land. 

3. Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜)

Episodes: 63

Genres: Xianxia/Romance

A story of many lifetimes of romance between the flower deity and the fire deity. She might not be able to love, but he loves her with all his heart, and so does his brother. As secret identities are revealed, love begins to develop, and age old promises end up causing massive chaos and destruction. (sorry for the bad intro, but I wanted to include all the angst I could)

4. Eternal Love (三生三世十里桃花)

Episodes: 58

Genres: Xianxia/Romance

After a devastating war, the immortal tribe paid a heavy price to seal the demon lord. 70000 years later, in an attempt to re-seal the demon lord who broke free, Bai Qian was sent to the mortal realm. In the mortal world, she meets Ye Hua and falls in love with him after forgetting about her life as a goddess. Ye Hua gifts her the name of Su Su. Su Jin, who is jealous of Ye Hua's love for Bai Qian, intentionally creates a series of misunderstanding between them and causes Bai Qian to lose her eyes. Thinking that Ye Hua has betrayed her, the devastated Bai Qian jumps off from the Zhu Xian Terrace. At her request, all her memories have been erased and she forgets Ye Hua. 300 years  later, the two meets again as deities. Another lifetime another world, Ye Hua recognizes Bai Qian but the latter remains indifferent. Three lives three worlds, her and him, are they fated to bear an entangling love?

5. The Rise of Phoenixes (天盛长歌)

Episodes: 70

Genres: Political/Romance

Feng Zhi Wei is the unfavored illegitimate daughter of the Qiu Family, who is then banished from the clan after being falsely accused of a crime. Zhi Wei cross-dresses as a man to attend the prestigious Qingming Academy and stuns the world with her talent and knowledge. She remains loyal and honest to the reigning Emperor during the princes’ fight for the throne, yet soon finds out she is the only surviving royalty of a fallen kingdom. Manipulated into thinking that the current dynasty was built upon the corpses of her loved ones, Zhi Wei ultimately decides to take revenge against her enemies, including her lover Ning Yi. Will they be able to put their vengeance behind them and live a life without hatred?

6. Nirvana in Fire (琅琊榜)

Episodes: 58

Genres: Wuxia/Political

In sixth-century China, during a war between Southern Liang and Northern Wei dynasties, General Lin Xie took his only child, the 17-year-old Lin Shu, to the battlefield to fight the Wei army. Unexpectedly, General Lin Xie was framed by a political rival, causing the unjust deaths of 7,000 army soldiers and the poisoning of his son. Lin Shu survived the war but to be cured of the poison, he underwent a treatment that changed his appearance completely and left him in a weakened state unable to perform martial arts again. Lin Shu change his name to Mei Chang Su and later became the chief of the pugilist world and established the Jiangzuo Alliance. Twelve years later, Lin Shu returned to the capital, Jinling, with a secret plan after being sought after by Prince Yu and Prince Xian during their fight for the throne. He then decides to covertly assist Prince Jing, the unfavoured son of Emperor Wu, and wisely rids the court of all scheming officials. (there might not be romance, but the genius of this show is more than enough to make up for it)

7. Legend of Concubine Zhen Huan (甄嬛传)

Episodes: 76

Genres: Historical/Political

A young woman born of Eight Banners family marries the Emperor. After surviving through many murderous scandals and betrayals, she prevails as the most powerful woman in the Emperor's harem, the Empress dowager. In the process, she transforms from a kind-hearted, clever girl to a power hungry, manipulative woman. (again no romance, but so genius!)

8. Ruyi’s Royal Love in the Palace (如懿传)

Episodes: 87

Genres: Historical/Romance

The road to becoming an empress is paved with treachery. Ruyi (Zhou Xun) is a consort who quickly learns to navigate the treacherous politics of the the royal court and move up the ranks. After becoming Empress, Ruyi still must survive the many conspiracies against her. Her relationship with Emperor Qianlong (Wallace Huo) becomes eroded even when Ruyi is able to overcome the challenges. Can Ruyi maintain her role as Empress under such difficult circumstances?

9. Eternal Love of Dream (三生三世枕上书)

Episodes: 56

Genres: Xianxia/Romance

Two thousand years of enduring love and obsession between the female monarch of Qing Qiu and the ancient god of the Heavenly Kingdom. When Feng Jiu was practising immortal cultivation alone in the wilderness, she was attacked by a beast and rescued by Dong Hua Di Jun of the Heavenly Kingdom. The encounter becomes deeply ingrained in Feng Jiu's heart and to repay her debts, she decides to follow Dong Hua into battle. She soon realizes that her good feelings towards him have evolved into love, but Dong Hua is a god who has forgotten what love means. In order to protect Feng Jiu, Dong Hua sends her to the human realm which results in the death of a friend. Feng Jiu enters the Winged Tribe Princess Ah Lan Ruo's dream sequence in search of a sacred fruit that can bring the dead back to life but gets trapped to relive Ah Lan Ruo's life for eternity. Dong Hua finds a way to save Feng Jiu and realizes that he already reciprocates her love for him, but another hurdle crosses their path.

10. Find Yourself (下一站是幸福)

Episodes: 41

Genres: Slice-of-Life/Romance

He Fan Xing's company is at risk of being acquired while her relationship with Yuan Song faces societal pressures due to their age difference. The consecutive blows in her work and love life push her to an emotional quagmire and it is during this time that Ye Lu Ming  enters her life. Being older in age, he is mature, stable and knowledgeable. He becomes He Fan Xing's life coach and the source of conflict between the couple. For He Fan Xing, it's not merely a matter of choosing the man that she loves but considering the contradictions of adopting the traditional mindset on marriage.

If You’ve Already Watched Those: Royal Nirvana (60 eps; political/romance), Return of the Condor Heroes (41 eps; wuxia/romance), The Story of Yanxi Palace (70 eps; political/romance), Joy of Life (46 eps; wuxia/political), Love and Destiny (60 eps; xianxia/romance), Glory of the Tang Dynasty (60 eps; historical/romance), Siege in Fog (50 eps; historical/romance)

[badbookreviewclub]

Empress Theresa, Chapters 21-28. IT’S FINALLY OVER.

Disclaimer: If you haven’t read the previous review, you can find it here (chapters 11-20). This will contain spoilers. 

Well, the ending is finally here and holy fuck this book went off the rails. I only have one reaction to the ending of it and that’s just what the fuck. Just… What The Fuck Norman whatever the fuck you were on when you wrote the end of this book must have been some powerful shit because holy fuck. Let’s just get started and maybe you’ll see what I mean. These chapters are also completely nonsensical in how they’re put together and just so much information is shoved into them that it can get confusing. I’ll do my best to keep it clear. Chapter 21 The boat that was driven into the Exxon Maria was deemed as a terrorist attack because “the world know that this had been a terrorist bombing” (pg 321). They know this because a bunch of explosives had been smuggled onto the boat beforehand by Middle Eastern terrorists (because Norman is convinced there are no other kind of terrorists) and they drove it straight into the Exxon Maria to try and get back at Theresa for her oil mining operation. So how does Theresa retaliate? She drops the price of oil down to ten dollars a barrel. Thinking that OPEC (which I guess Norman still thinks is a terrorist organization. It’s not) is going to retaliate, Theresa has her parents moved to a safe place (West Point), and tells Prime Minister Scherzer that they have to evacuate the Israeli people now. He tells her that it will take 36 hours to start the evacuation. To remind Saudi Arabia of their deal (because there was a deal apparently in Theresa’s mind, even though there was absolutely no deals made, just an offer put on the table) Theresa raises a mountain in the middle of the Saudi Arabian desert. 

When the Israeli people start to cross evacuate via the landbridge to Crete because as it turns out, no, the island isn’t ready yet, Theresa parts the fucking sea to make giant water walls that terrorists and missiles can’t get through. Moses parting the Red Sea moment, anyone? Because of this, Prime Minister Scherzer calls Theresa the ‘Right Hand of God’. Theresa also decides that it’s time for her to head home, so the Ambassador of the United States to England asks if she would ride home on the Ronald Reagan (the same ship that led took her to the plane she was supposed to be blown up on) to give the ship her honor back. Theresa disagrees, but Steve says that Theresa should play (American) football with the navy of the Ronald Reagan against the Army (I think Norman means foot soldiers specifically). Theresa does agree eventually. 

Someone attempts to do the same drop that Theresa did when she was almost blown up and of course, rather than dissuading them, Theresa gives him tips on how he might survive. Unsurprisingly, he fucking dies. All Theresa does is say “oh whoopsy-doopsy, he fell into still water, not wavy water like I did. Must be why. Sorry that you’re dead bro. Nobody should do that again.” Chapter 22 

Theresa heads back to the United States, but in the process, HAL puts everyone in the plane into a deep sleep, including the piolets and every electronic. Somehow though, the Autopilot still works, so that’s lucky for Theresa I guess. Bitch learns how to fly a plane in under four hours. She lands it after causing millions of dollars worth of damages to the windows of buildings after flying just a little too low to them and as such that causes a lot of injuries, but she doesn’t get in trouble for that because she’s just too sweet and innocent for that. 

Chapter 23 

Am I moving really fast through this? I feel like I am. Though I will say, it’s definitely because I want to be done with this book as fast as I possibly can it’s so fucking dumb. I hate this book so much. I have never met a book that has baffled me as much as this one but absolutely fueled my anger to no end. Anyways… Theresa arrives at West Point (where her parents are) and going to the ranch house that was built specifically for her and her family. The football game takes place, and surprisingly, Theresa and the Navy lose to the Army. 48-36. I don’t know American football very well, despite living in the United States, so if anyone could tell me how good this is I would really appreciate it. 

We learn that her island is producing 3 million barrels of oil a day and by the next year is predicted to be producing 15 million barrels a day, so Theresa is rich as fuck and is going to have a monopoly on oil (what a wonderful capitalist she is). Because all the oil tycoons are worried she’s going to monopolize (she is) and then raise the price drastically, they put her into a two-year deal (bc that’s long enough) saying that the price can’t go above ten dollars a barrel. Theresa agrees without hesitation. 

It’s suggested to Theresa that she should monopolize the manufacturing industry as well, but she turns that down because it could “start a global trade war” (pg 370). 

Theresa, while being a jerk and ignoring everybody when she goes out into public because how could she possibly be expected to meet or even wave or smile at people, finally gives in and talks to 10 North Korean men (via a translator) who have brought her a PBS Documentary to show her the conditions of North Korea. Theresa watches it and is so moved that she comes down and tells the men that she’ll save their families. So essentially, this one PBS Documentary has convinced Theresa to declare war on North Korea’s government. 

Because the North Korean’s wouldn’t listen to her because she holds no power, Theresa joins the army (not really because she never ever ever ever sees combat, but she gets the titles that come with it). 

Chapter 25

Theresa gets her uniform. She specifically requests to have the male uniform because the female one doesn’t look powerful enough. She also gets men’s shoes instead of women’s shoes because the women’s would look stupid with the men’s uniform, I guess. Theresa also insists on wearing her hair down because nobody is going to say jack shit to her about it. Because Theresa got the uniform we learn that Steve has a uniform kink. “Steve thought I looked awful cute in my little uniform.  “‘Hon, you never looked better. It turns me on’” (pg 389). 

Now Norman, I thought this book didn’t have sexual content? Yet here we are, learning about Steve’s fetishes. I’m not going to fetish shame anyone, and more power to you Steve for being open with your sexuality, though I just wanted to point out that Norman specifically said this wouldn’t happen (just like the swearing). 

Anyways, Theresa goes to a meeting at the White House where she immediately becomes a five-star general, the first person after Omar Bradley died. Now I may be wrong, but Omar Bradley was a World War II veteran (a senior officer) and was Chairman of the Joint Cheifs of Staff and oversaw policymaking during the Korean War. The only thing Theresa has (realistically) done up until this point is kill off most of the population, if not all of the population. 

Theresa came up with the idea earlier on that the only way to liberate North Korea is to destroy their weaponry in a certain mile radius and then take over as their dictator for the time being until things could get set up. In a really complicated matter, Theresa sets up a plan wherein ten-miles around Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, all weapons, planes, bombs, missiles, and helicopters will be destroyed. She works with the South Korean government in order to achieve this with HAL and so they can invade safely. 

But, duN DUN DUN! because all the weapons are destroyed, the government orders unarmed citizens and soldiers and other personnel to attack as soon as they see Theresa and the army. Because there’s 5 million of them, the South Korean army knows that they’ll be easily overwhelmed. Theresa’s solution? Take a Japanese island and move it a bit closer to North and South Korea, and then break North and South Korea away from China and move it closer to the Japanese Island. This way the Japanese Island can build a bridge over and then teach North Korea about a new government. And it fucking works. 

They invade Pyongyang after doing this and the South Korean army basically liters the city with pictures of Theresa’s face and a promise that she’s going to save and liberate them all. They drop all these pictures and promises with an airplane to hopefully quell the people’s worries. There’s a big crowd of North Koreans who are basically lining a gigantic boulevard and the South Korean’s are surrounding the tanks and Theresa, prepared to shoot anyone who gets rowdy or gets too close. Theresa tells them their leaders have left them on a complete fucking bluff, and the South Korean general who has been working with her confirms that they fled to China. Theresa is so relieved by this she almost starts crying, and then the North Korean’s start cheering and wailing and are basically so so so so so happy that Theresa is their new leader. 

And Theresa’s big speech as the new leader? She reads the first couple of paragraphs from the Declaration of Independence. And it’s a smash hit and her greatest success ever. She gives it to a translator so that the North Korean people can understand and just… “Nobody could translate such elegant language on the fly and maintain its beauty. I anticipated that. I’d given the translator the English text the day before and she worked all night at it. When I finished speaking she read what I’d said in Korean with all the emotions and nuances only a Korea could express. My speech or rather the translator’s rendition of it was a spectacular success. The crowd cheered their hearts out. Witnesses said President Stinson cried when I gave the speech. This event, broadcast to the whole world, was called by greatest achievement” (pg 418). And yes, I meant to write ‘a Korea’. That’s how it’s written in the fucking book. But the Declaration of Independence wasn’t written by Theresa and yet somehow it’s ‘her’ speech. And it’s a smashing success because fuck you. Chapter 26

Theresa sets up the South Korean government in North Korea because she can’t be fucked to actually lead it, but comes back when she needs to. In this chapter, Theresa gets really into biology and teaching HAL about biology. She also gets really into archaeology and discovers a bunch of really old Jewish scrolls but nobody can have them. They can look but only she can have them. She also finds Joan of the Arc’s remains because why the fuck not. 

Theresa also makes a mountain in the middle of Lake Michigan without consequence. This is all so they can have the Winter Olympics because I guess Mountain = Snow despite the fact that it’s summer the entire year.

Oh yeah, and Theresa recognizes that she could have thousands of lives with teaching HAL biology and learning how to do surgeries that could save lives that couldn’t otherwise be done. But she decides this is a terrible idea because she’ll end up in court if something goes wrong. 

“‘I can immobilize them like this [basically just holding their body together in a temporarily immortalized, unaging, undying stated] while the surgeon operates and saves thousands of lives.’ (Theresa) “‘And get yourself thousands of lawsuits when things go wrong. Hell the families will hope something goes wrong so they can go after your money’ (Steve) “‘You’re right. I’d spend the rest of my life in courtrooms. It’s a shame. Greed keeps me from saving lives’”  (pg 423).

The only greed keeping you from saving lives is your own. How fucking selfish of you to believe that people want their loved ones to die just so they can get some money. There are horrible people out there in the world like that, there’s no denying it, but the majority of people aren’t. You recognize you could save lives, but you chose not to because you don’t want to go to court if something goes wrong. You’re a fucking villain, Theresa. 

Because of this, I really don’t feel bad when Theresa gets hit by a car, breaks her back, and loses the ability to walk. Getting hit by the car was apparently a terrorist attack that was carefully planned because they wanted to hit Theresa. Because everything just has to be a fucking terrorist attack. But this is why Norman had Theresa suddenly pick up an interest in biology that was never ever even hinted at before. It’s so Theresa can start working on a plan to fix her back so she can walk again. And so she can figure out a way to be immortal. You’re supposed to feel bad for Theresa, but I honestly don’t.

Chapter 27 

More HAL’s show up because when Theresa was about to be blown up and she jumped from the plane, HAL divided itself into 420 other HAL’s. Now all these HAL’s are merging with people. Because Theresa doesn’t want to not be special anymore, she puts the entire world into a deep sleep under the pretense that all of these people could be another Adolf Hitler and she needs to take care of it and stop that before it happens. You know, so the logical explanation, because she can’t just put on HAL into a deep sleep, is to put the entire world into a deep sleep regardless of the consequences. Doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of surgery or you’re in the ICU. It doesn’t matter if you’re about to die or something is happening. We’re just going to put everyone into a deep sleep because Theresa can’t be fucked to figure out a solution right now.

Chapter 28

600 years have passed and everyone starts to wake up. Everyone thinks Theresa is dead but she shows up with Steve and 420 (nice) children. All these children are geniuses and specialize in something and have the equivalent of like 10 college degrees. So in the past 600 years (where nobody aged, not even Theresa and Steve) the world has advanced massively because of the children and Steve and Theresa. 

Theresa also kept the children as 10-year-olds rather than letting them age. “I’d kept them in a pre-puberty state so they wouldn’t fool around with each other” (pg 464). It’s not like they’re siblings and look like mini replicas of you and your husband. It’s not like you should discourage incest among them because incest isn’t a good thing and can mess with someone’s psyche because it’s damaging a familial relationship by intertwining it with a sexual relationship. Not at all.

But these children, as it would turn out, don’t have a HAL. Theresa and Steve just had like 420 (nice) children I guess. No, Theresa just absorbed all of the other HAL’s and will absorb any other HAL that shows up on earth. And that’s the end of the fucking book. This shit show of a book is finally over. I hated it so much and I’m glad to finally be done with it. 

-8/10 stars. Get fucked Norman Boutin. Your book is stupid as shit and I hate it. 

[veliseraptor]

since it came up with @my-lady-knight and all the cool websites are doing it, I thought I’d go ahead and share my

Most Anticipated SFF of 2020

(it’s a lot of sequels, but not all sequels.)

Lady Hotspur by Tessa Gratton. I loved her take on King Lear in The Queens of Innis Lear; I’m very interested in seeing what she does with a genderswapped Hotspur in this one. (January 7, 2020)

Shorefall by Robert Jackson Bennett. The sequel to Foundryside, aka the book where I spent the first third grumpily comparing it to the Divine Cities series (unfair of me) and then promptly went “oh shit this is actually really good” and slammed through the rest of it and then went looking under the book for the rest. Suffice to say that I’m very excited. (January 21, 2020)

The Unspoken Name by A.K. Larkwood. This one comes highly recommended, for me, personally - the basic conceit (”an orc priestess destined to be a sacrifice turned wizard's assassin”) had me listening, but I hear there are also empires involved, and a queer relationship. I have an early copy sitting on my shelf waiting for me to read - I plan to make it one of my January books. (February 11, 2020)

The Wolf of Oren-Yaro by K.S. Villoso. This is one of the ones in the first half of the year I’m really holding my breath for. The jacket copy includes what I’m guessing is the first line: “They called me the Bitch Queen, the she-wolf, because I murdered a man and exiled my king the night before they crowned me.” Hello there, I’m listening. (February 18, 2020)

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. Yes, I know I know this came out this year (2019) but I couldn’t manage carrying that hardcover brick and the ebook from the library hasn’t yet arrived, so I’m putting it on here for the paperback which I am planning to buy. (February 18, 2020)

Docile by K.M. Sparza. I actually have this one sitting on a stack in my apartment waiting for me to read it - I just need to get around to it. It’s been pitched to me as in concept looking at consent under capitalism. (March 3, 2020)

The Poet King by Ilana C. Myer. This is the third in a series I don’t talk about much, mostly because the first one (Last Song Before Night) didn’t impress me that much; the second one (Fire Dance) a great deal more. I’m looking forward to seeing how this one compares to both; it’s definitely a very original world and concept, which gives it credit in and of itself. (March 24, 2020)

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo. Tor.com tends to publish novellas that I either love or am distressingly indifferent to - but they’re almost always fascinating in concept (and the cover designs are spectacular). The keynote for this one mentions “empire” and “storytelling” (gotcha, Lise!) and it’s East Asian fantasy (inspired by imperial China) so there’s three points that have my interest right off the bat. (March 24, 2020)

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin. It’s a new N.K. Jemisin book; of course I’m here for it. I’ll probably be here for anything she writes from here on out. (March 24, 2020)

The Chosen Ones by Veronica Roth. I am a sucker for “what happens after” stories, and this one - pitched as being about five teenagers who fought and defeated an Evil Overlord, but after, when they’re all fucked up - sounds right up my alley. Enough that I’m not letting ‘author of the Divergent series’ turn me off. (April 7, 2020)

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. The sequel to Gideon the Ninth is coming out this year and I already have a standing request with my book hookup at the publisher to get me an advance copy as soon as they land. (June 2, 2020)

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson. This is one of those books where when it comes out I’m going to drop everything I’m reading at the time to pick it up, because this is a series I am so deeply attached to. Even if I didn’t like The Monster Baru Cormorant as much as the first one (a very high bar), I’m holding my breath to see where this one goes. (June 9, 2020)

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water by Zen Cho. I have loved Zen Cho’s other books (particularly Sorcerer to the Crown) and this one (”found family wuxia fantasy” sounds very promising. (June 23, 2020)

The Empire of Gold by S.A. Chakraborty. I believe this is the finale? to the trilogy begun with City of Brass and continued in The Kingdom of Copper. I loved the first two - the second I think even more than the first. I look forward to seeing if Chakraborty can continue that crescendo and finish strong. (June 30, 2020)

Ashes of the Sun by Django Wexler. This is an author I’ve been circling around for a while - I read the first book in his YA series (and will probably read the second), and the first in the series he’s most well known for (and probably want to read the rest at some point), but this book at least by description sounds very much up my alley. Siblings in conflict! There’s an empire involved! It’s published by Orbit (which isn’t a guarantee of quality but they have been acquiring a lot of good shit lately)! Yeah, I’m there. (July 21, 2020)

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine. Another sequel, this one to A Memory Called Empire, which was among my favorite books of the year in 2019. I don’t read a lot of science fiction, but that book hit a lot of the same buttons as the Imperial Radch series, mixed with Embassytown by China Mieville. (September 15, 2020)

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke. We don’t know much about this one yet, but it’s the first book in over a decade from the author of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (which I loved) so that alone is a selling point. What we knows so far (it’s about a man in a seemingly endless labyrinth who starts to realize that there may be in fact a world outside his walls) doesn’t have me grabbed in terms of concept, but neither did Jonathan Strange - I’m willing to let Susanna Clarke take me for a ride anyway. (September 15, 2020)

[insidemylibrarymind]

New year, new books.

I want to talk about new releases again! I know I do these posts every month, but that’s more focused on pretty covers than on books I know in advance I want to read, no matter what their cover is, so I wanted to do a list of upcoming book releases I cannot wait to come out. This will also be my final post of “end of the year” series, so we are going strong into 2020. Let’s chat about books!

Yes, No, Maybe So by Becky Albertalli and Aisha Saeed — I already have an eARC for this book and I recently started reading it, but I am not that far into it. This book follows Jamie and Maya, and I think it will deal with local politics and activism, as well as ROMANCE. A healthy balance which we love to see.

The Unspoken Name by A.K. Larkwood — I don’t know much about this one, except for the fact that it’s anticipated by EVERYONE and that it’s about an orc princess that becomes an assassin for a wizard, which sounds badass. This is also compared to LeGuin, who I love, so EXCITING.

Weather by Jenny Offill — I’ve been meaning to read Jenny Offill for ages, and her new book sounds amazing. Said to be about a family and a nation in crisis, it follows a woman who works as a librarian (and a fake shrink on the side) and how she deals with the letters she receives from an array of different people when she starts working on a podcast. The blurb is confusing, but so intriguing and I really want to try and get to this one.

Of Curses and Kisses by Sandhya Menon — Contemporary spin on Beauty and the Beast set in an elite boarding school, WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

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Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare — My excitement for Clare’s previous series has diminished, but I love the short stories I read about the cast of characters in Chain of Gold, so this has the potential to be amazing and I am excited

Docile by K.M. Szpara — With a tagline of “There is no consent under capitalism”, this has the potential to be my favorite book of the year. Set in the future where people become Dociles to repay their debts, our hero Elisha becomes indentured to the heir of the family who invented the drug being given to Dociles and the whole debt resolution act.

Every Reason We Shouldn’t by Sara Fujimura — Figure skating! Hate-to-love! More kinds of skating! Korean MC! CUTENESS AND FLUFF! Cannot wait!

Wicked As You Wish by Rin Chupeco — I haven’t read any books by Rin Chupeco previously, but my friends love her books PLUS this sounds brilliant. It’s a story set in Arizona, but the protagonists are actually refugees from the Kingdom of Avalon, which was enveloped in ice by an evil Snow Queen. We follow the prince of Avalon, and the girl who happens to be a spellbreaker. It sounds so good, I literally cannot wait.

Harley in the Sky by Akemi Dawn Bowman — I loved Bowman’s previous novel, so I am super excited for her new release, which is described as The Greatest Showman meets This Is Us, and is about a girl who joins the circus after having a huge fallout with her parents.

My Dark Vanessa by Karen Elizabeth Russell — This is a story about Vanessa, told both in the past, when she was fifteen and involved with her teacher, and in the present, as she comes to terms that she wasn’t actually involved willingly in that relationship, as her teacher was accused of sexual abuse by another former student. Sounds devastating, but I think it will be fantastic.

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin — A new Urban Fantasy release set in New York, where five people must come together to defend the city from an ancient evil.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo — A Tor Dot Com novella set in a world inspired by Imperial China, about a princess who is sent south for a political marriage, who befriends Rabbit, her handmaiden.

Valentine by Elizabeth Wetmore — Set in the 1970s in a small town in Texas, this novel follows a teenager who is brutally attacked, and a woman who decides to take justice into her own hands, when the system fails to do so.

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All Adults Here by Emma Straub — This novel follows a woman who after she witnesses an accident, starts questioning her parenting decisions and the lives of her children and grandchildren, and how she influenced them and the mistakes she made. Sounds exactly like my kind of book and I have heard good things about Emma Straub.

Beach Read by Emily Henry — The first Adult Romance on the list! This follows two writers, one who writes rom-com and the other who writes literary fiction, who challenge each other to write in each other’s genres in order to overcome their writer’s block or whatnot. And they obviously fall in love. THE PERFECT SET UP, honestly.

By the Book by Amanda Sellet — A YA Romance following a girl obsessed with 19th-century literature, who makes a guide on what to avoid in guys based on those books, only to end up falling for a boy who embodies the no-nos on her list. CUTE.

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End of the Day by Bill Clegg — Possibly the most exciting book on the list, it’s the new novel by Bill Clegg, who wrote one of my favorite books of all time, Did You Ever Have a Family. LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT, I have no idea what this is about but I am sure it’s about family and very character-focused. WE STAN.

This Is All Your Fault by Aminah Mae Safi — The novel follows three girls over the course of one day, as they try to save a bookstore they are working in. This sounds so good, I cannot wait to read it.

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water by Zen Cho — Tor Dot Com strikes again, this time with a story about a bandit who joins with a band of thieves in order to protect a sacred object.

  The Thief on the Winged Horse by Kate Mascarenhas — Mascarenhas wrote The Psychology of Time Travel, which I loved, so I am excited for her sophomore novel, about a doll-making family, which puts emotions into their dolls, and about Persephone, who wants to learn the craft that her family entrusts upon men only. But then, someone steals one of the most prized possessions of the family. It sounds BRILLIANT and I love Mascarenhas’ writing, so exciting times!

Set Fire to the Gods by Sara Raasch and Kristen Simmons — A YA Fantasy said to be a mix between ATLA and The Gladiator about ELEMENTAL GLADIATORS. I cannot wait, truly.

Star Daughter by Shveta Thakrar — Inspired by Hindu mythology, the novel follows a girl who is the daughter of a star and a human, who must travel to the star court in order to save her father. Honestly, this sounds brilliant and the cover is STUNNING, so a win-win situation.

Loathe at First Sight by Suzanne Park — An office hate-to-love romance, reminiscent of The Hating Game, only set in the video game industry and with a Korean MC? SIGN ME UP.

And those are all the releases for the first part of the year (sort of), that I am super excited about! I would love to hear from you — any releases you are excited about and that I should add to my radar? Let me know!

                                                                                                                    xxx

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  2020 Releases I Am Most Excited About New year, new books. I want to talk about new releases again! I know I do these posts every month, but that's more focused on pretty covers than on books I know in advance I want to read, no matter what their cover is, so I wanted to do a list of upcoming book releases I cannot wait to come out.