#yes robyn is a tree. what was i going to do. make him a real child? hobs not old enough for that.

[nobody-is-evil]

Dream Receives a Letter

Summary: Instead of my name, I leave you my phone number. You should know that I am a guy. Please only call if you would date a guy as seriously as you have dated girls.

Your Nervous Admirer,

(XXX)-XXX-XXXX

Dream reread the words over and over again. Would he? He didn’t know.

Written for the Dreamling Nation Valentine’s Week. This is will be reblogged with the link to this fic on ao3.

Warning for unhealthy attitude towards food from the paragraph starting with “Dream had gotten his breakfast” to the one starting with “Dream stayed safe in his room”.

February. Valentine’s season.

In past years, Hob often had a date for Valentine’s Day. They’d never been anything but childish flings, though. Somehow, he insulted his partner, or they insulted him, and the two of them broke it off soon after—sometimes on Valentine’s Day. He couldn’t remember most of their names.

Sophomore year, Hob had come very, very close to having a partner for Valentine’s Day—a long-term one, at that! But Eleanor moved away in early February, and by then they’d already broken up after she decided she wouldn’t be able to keep up their relationship long-distance.

He spent the day that year sadly tending to Robyn, the oak sapling they’d planted in Hob’s yard. Eleanor had been so excited to watch him grow...

Junior year was different. Last year, the pain of the hellhole he escaped (the less said about it, the better) was still fresh, even months later. Not exactly the best frame of mind to be dating.

Not that that was common knowledge—most people would’ve described him as a happy, optimistic golden retriever. Only one person had known differently: The first person to show him kindness after the hellhole and his best friend, Dream.

Who Hob might’ve, sort of, kind of had a massive crush on at the time. And who might’ve, sort of, kind of gotten a girlfriend soon after Hob and Dream became friends.

Hob still didn’t understand why Dream had been so infatuated with his girlfriend. Thessaly was—how to put this—more disinterested in men than Hob thought possible. She was a 7 on the Kinsey Scale. Had to be, in order to miss how gorgeous Dream was. How neither of them had seen it, Hob didn’t know. But then, Dream had always had bad luck with relationships.

6 girlfriends, and not a single relationship had ended without massively upsetting Dream. Hob couldn’t see the sense in most of them—who would leave Dream for another guy? Who could break up with him over an accident, no matter how tragic? Who could date him just to sleep with him? Who could fall out of love with him? Who could date him without realizing she was a lesbian?

(Answers, in order: Killala, Calliope, Titania, Alianora, and Thessaly.)

(Nada...was different. But Dream’d changed since then. He wouldn’t do that again.)

Okay, so maybe Hob thought about Dream’s past relationships a lot. It was only natural to be upset on Dream’s behalf. If Dream was Hob’s boyfriend—

Nope, nope, nope, he couldn’t think like that. Dream was straight.

Well.

The thing was, all he had to go off of for that was that Dream had just never told him otherwise. That didn’t actually mean Dream for sure didn’t like men.

But Hob didn’t want to risk ruining their friendship. It was a little selfish—after he’d had to leave all his friends behind at his old school, the only true friend he’d been able to make at this school was Dream.

It was also out of concern for Dream. The last time they’d seriously fought had been the worst. When Dream refused to speak to Hob, well, that didn’t mean Hob had stopped caring about him, and it had been easy to tell—to him, anyway—that it was eating at Dream. If calling them friends had gotten that reaction, what would Hob confessing his love do?

No. Just like last year, Hob couldn’t do anything to show Dream that Hob was in love with him.

And that was final.

No way around it.

Period.

...

But as the holiday drew closer and closer, as the dating talk became inescapable, Hob found that he couldn’t stop thinking of ways he could do it while avoiding most, if not all of the consequences he was afraid of.

So here he was, writing a letter that he didn’t plan on signing.

Handwriting a letter to his best friend that he wanted to be anonymous seemed like a bad idea at first glance, but not when Hob’s usual handwriting was rushed. If he took his time and slowly wrote every letter in every word so they were all nice and neat, it looked like it was written by a completely different person.

He did have to start over several times whenever he wanted to erase something. Would using an eraser change Dream’s answer, maybe not, but Hob had to start over anyway.

Most of it ended up being him waxing poetic about Dream. Even if Hob was able to confess to Dream without the poetry, it could only help to stroke Dream’s ego—especially in places it wasn’t usually stroked.

...

Moving on.

The last sentence contained Hob’s instructions for getting in contact with him. It may have also seemed silly for an anonymous letter, but in his opinion, it was sillier to send it without. If he got an anonymous love letter that asked him if he could love the author, well, he wouldn’t know. For all he knew, they could be catfishing him.

So in lieu of a name, Dream would be getting Hob’s phone number. Considering he already had this info, Hob had downloaded an app that gave him a different one, one with the area code of the town he now lived in rather than the one from when he got his phone. Dream would see a number that could be most of his classmates—but not Hob.

Of course, just leaving the number would still defeat the purpose. Dream would call, he would hear Hob’s voice, and Hob still wouldn’t know if Dream even liked men. Even if he asked Dream to text instead, they were still close enough that he couldn’t discount Dream figuring out it was him too quickly. No, there had to be a condition on it. He finished the letter.

Instead of my name, I leave you my phone number. You should know that I am a guy. Please only call if you would date a guy as seriously as you have dated girls.

Your Nervous Admirer,

(XXX)-XXX-XXXX

There was a chance Dream would call anyway. He was curious like that. But more often than not, Dream followed instructions just because they were given, as long as they weren’t from one of his parents or a person he similarly disliked.

That didn’t always mean he would do as intended, though. Dream’s interpretation skills sometimes hit the mark and sometimes missed. Hob was as clear as he dared without using language Dream might not be familiar with.

This was all probably for nothing. Most likely, Dream would get to the part where his admirer was a man and discard it all on the basis of being 100% straight. He’d had six girlfriends before he was 18 that all left him devastated when they ended. He’d never said a word about being anything but straight even after Hob came out to him. He had to have thought about it. Dream had clearly just...decided he was straight, or to never tell anyone he wasn’t. He wouldn’t admit to liking men by answering a random love letter.

Hob stared at the completed letter.

No, that was the devil talking. He’d written the thing, and he was going to send it, for a reason—for he had a chance, and he wouldn’t stop being able to think about it if he didn’t take that chance.

—Line Break—

Dream woke suddenly, without knowing why.

Then he heard the excited squealing.

He rolled over and pressed the pillow against his ears, futilely. Ugh. Why was Desire so enthusiastic about Valentine’s Day when they weren’t even interested in romance?

Unfortunately, he knew the answer to that question: They were nosy, and this holiday was a great way to figure out what people wanted.

He let out a sigh, his morning already ruined, and got up for school.

Making himself presentable wasn’t high on his list of priorities. He tended to sleep in the clothes he planned to wear the next day, rather than change in the morning. He didn’t see the point in brushing his hair when it looked good as it was. As long as he wore deodorant and made sure his clothes were still reasonably clean, Dream thought he was decent enough to be seen in public (considering girls would inevitably find him attractive and guys would inevitably envy him anyway) and therefore decent enough to attend Family Breakfast.

Sometimes, he wished he could take longer so he could get to breakfast after his siblings had already left. It would make everyone happier...except Death. Death would only have to pout at him, and he’d go back to coming to breakfast on time the next day. It had happened before.

Dream had gotten his breakfast (coffee cake and a glass of chocolate milk, perfect for his sweet tooth) and sat down before he realized how quiet it was.

...why were all of his siblings staring at him?

“Is that food on your plate?” Desire asked. At Dream’s bewildered nod, they continued, “What have you done with our Dream? He would never eat breakfast without prodding.”

While Dream kept his face perfectly stony, he was an on-fire puddle of embarrassment. Further humiliation came from the fact that Death didn’t immediately step in—she was thinking the same thing!

He considered his words carefully, as always, before speaking: “Most days, I have no need for food beyond the basic necessities. Today, I do.” The former part was the reason he gave every day. Proof, not that he needed any more of it, that none of his siblings actually listened when he spoke. Why he bothered, he...well.

Now Death interjected to scold him, “Dream, you can’t just have chocolate from your valentines all day. You’ll make yourself sick.”

“I’m sure it won’t just be chocolate,” he acknowledged. He stood up with most of his meal unconsumed, “If you’ll excuse me,” without waiting to actually be excused.

He loudly scraped his meal in the trash and poured his drink down the drain. Or, at least, he hoped they thought he did (in reality he scarfed it down while he was out of their lines of sight, only leaving enough to provide the necessary noises). Maybe next time, Death would think twice about taking Desire’s side on his eating habits.

Dream stayed safe in his room until it was time for the next part of his awful morning: his parents’ call.

Even though they were out of the country, they always called on Valentine’s Day. Night and Time Endless only had one purpose in making this call. Not to make sure their kids were safe and happy, not to wish them a good day, not to tell them they’d be home from their trip soon.

No, his parents only wanted to ensure none of their kids had dates for Valentine’s Day.

Considering not a single one of his siblings had ever shown the least bit of interest in romance, let alone had a partner, it might as well have been a personal attack on Dream. It had been the last two years, when he’d been with Thessaly and before that, Calliope.

He informed them, “No, mother. I have not had a girlfriend since I broke up with Thessaly in August.”

“Good.” They hung up.

They wouldn’t have done anything drastic if he had a girlfriend—that would require a level of care he didn’t think they were capable of—but they would tell Destiny to pester him every day about why the rule existed: Because most relationships end in tragedy.

It was galling, but internally, he could admit that he was starting to think they were right. This was the longest he’d gone without a girlfriend in a while. Not for lack of contenders—the girls at his school were always trying to bag him, an Endless. No, he just didn’t see the point in dating a girl who held only that shallow interest in him. Not one of them could actually care about him.

Ugh. Why was he letting his parents further sink his mood? He had enough things to be upset about without making himself more upset because of a topic he’d already been thinking about for months.

Since he, Desire, Despair, and Delirium were all heading to the same place, it was better that they all take the same vehicle (logic that Dream despised) especially considering neither of his younger sisters could drive and Desire was perpetually on thin ice.

On good days, Death would drive them. However, as already established, today was not a good day. So Dream had to drive.

By the time he was finally able to part ways from his siblings and go to his locker, it felt like his mood was already at its lowest, and he hadn’t even had to deal with anything directly school-related yet.

At least his all-black attire and dour manner meant people made a wide berth around him. Dream reached his locker without any further trouble. He inputted his locker combination and was about to open it when he stopped.

His brain was telling him something was wrong—something undesirable would happen if he opened it. After giving his subconscious a moment to explain itself to his conscious self, he understood. In past years, he’d had a lot of valentines slipped into his locker, and that was while he had a girlfriend. There was sure to be a mountain of them this time, and some would fly out if he wasn’t careful.

Only now did he open it. As expected, letters threatened to scatter everywhere, how tiresome, but he didn’t let a single one slip away. He stacked them and set them to the side to deal with later—

Holy shit.

Despite himself, Dream felt a grin spread across his face. (He fought it down, of course—it wouldn’t do for the school’s gossip mill, of which he was unfortunately considered a celebrity, to see him and come up with any crazy ideas, like him having a secret girlfriend. If that made its way to Delirium, for example, she would tell the family and he’d never hear the end of it.)

Some girl had left a giant box of his favorite chocolates in his locker, far too big to have been slid through the slots. No, she knew his locker combination. As the only other person who should’ve been able to say that was Hob, and Hob would’ve just given them to him in person, that meant she broke in.

But how could he be mad, when she had such a good reason to?

Dream popped the lid off and was further surprised by a pristine white folded paper sitting on top of the chocolates. He hadn’t planned on reading any of the valentines, but this one earned it. While treating himself to one of the gifted sweets, he opened it and looked for a name at the bottom.

Hmm. No name, only a phone number. He flipped it over, scanned the (very neat) handwriting, but the only name he could find was his own. Who would send a love letter signed with a phone number? Intrigued, Dream actually read it now, starting from the greeting.

If he could live solely off of compliments, the letter would be enough to sustain him for likely hundreds of years. It was not just the sheer amount, nor the degree of flattery, but the kind—each one was actually characteristics he prided himself on, not just how others saw him.

His art was highly skilled and full of complex meanings. His hair and clothes were cool and did make him hotter, rather than hide it like so many other girls had bemoaned. He did put a lot of effort into his schoolwork, even though loathed doing most of it at all.

The author didn’t only heap praise on him. Interspersed were declarations of love. Dream had mixed feelings about them—he enjoyed them, but he wished she hadn’t sat on it for so long, if the amount of time she’d apparently harbored these feelings was to be believed.

He read to the end of the letter and froze. His...nervous admirer...was a guy?

Of course Dream knew his school had a not insignificant queer population, but he’d never had cause to think about it before. No guy had ever shown any interest in him before.

In addition to the author being a guy, he asked that Dream only use the phone number if he would date a guy.

Which, again, not something he’d ever had to consider before. Dream reread the words over and over again. Would he? He didn’t know.

At the minute warning bell, he quickly gathered his materials for his first class, leaving the chocolates and the letter behind, but not the thoughts they had caused.

What qualities were consistent with someone willing to date a guy? Well, probably the same qualities that made him willing to date a girl. She was interesting, she was hot, and she was willing to date him. Soon enough, Dream found that he cared about her, that his every waking moment was consumed by thoughts about her.

It was the first condition that no girl had met within the last several months. His heart had closed off. It had higher standards.

So someone who liked guys would find guys interesting and hot. Well, he was intrigued by the author of the letter, at least. Dream hadn’t found a guy attractive before, but then, it had never been an option before. He’d need a large sample size—after all, it wasn’t like he found every girl attractive.

He would take the rest of the school day, and if he didn’t find any of his male classmates hot before school ended, he probably didn’t like guys.

—Line Break—

By the time the passing period prior to lunch had started, Dream had found that the fact that he recognized people was interfering with the experiment, as he was dismissing guys he disliked straightaway.

Did he do the obvious thing, to change his sample from his classmates to pictures of men on Google or something? No, that took too much work. It was much faster to simply think flexibly and stop recognizing people. With just a little bit of concentration, the hallways became filled solely with strangers.

Hmm. Still hadn’t found any attractive guys at this school.

A flash of motion caught his eye. Dream’s eyes searched for it on instinct and landed on—

A hot guy. His search was over.

Now all he had to do was stop staring (and probably freaking the guy out, considering his stare had often been described as intimidating.) Dream blinked, letting his brain go back to its regularly scheduled programming.

Oh. That was. Hob. That he’d been staring at.

Naturally, Hob seemed concerned by his behavior. “Dream, are you okay?” By the way he asked, Dream could tell that this wasn’t the first time he’d done so.

“I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.” There, that was vague enough.

“Like what? Got a lot of valentines?” Hob teased as they found their way outside and to a quiet place.

The pieces fell together. Dream narrowed his eyes. Hadn’t he noted earlier that other than him, only Hob had access to his locker? And, as a guy who liked guys himself, Hob wouldn’t be opposed to other guys who did. “I found a large box of sweets in my locker this morning. Did you give the combination to someone or something?”

“Ah, yeah.” Hob looked down in embarrassment. “I figured you wouldn’t mind, considering what the gift was.”

Dream leaned in, unable to look away. “So you know who it’s from?”

He laughed, “I do, but I can’t tell you.”

No, Hob had principles. It would be useless to try to get him to break a promise like this. Instead, Dream tried to get other important information from him. “Is he attractive?”

“Umm...” Hob looked at him like a deer in the headlights. “I don’t know if you would think so or not, Dream.”

Ugh. As much as Dream wanted to know the answer, he didn’t want to make Hob uncomfortable. “I suppose I’ll just have to call him.” After all, he found at least one guy attractive, so there was possibility enough that he could date a guy.

He got his phone out and dialed the number he’d memorized without even trying, just from how much he’d stared at the letter. (Dream glanced up at Hob once, but he was laser-focused on Dream’s phone.) After the last number, he hit the green call button.

Hob’s phone rang.

That...that...

Neither of them said anything as Hob got his phone out and accepted the call. Dream’s call connected when he did.

“Hey.” Hob’s voice came out of two speakers.

Dream ended the call with shaky hands. He was glad he was sitting down, because the revelation left him light-headed. “You...”

He must’ve sounded angry, because Hob’s next words came out in a rush, “Look, I know I’m probably not—”

“The letter-those were your words?” he had to confirm. “You feel that way about me?”

Hob stared at him with a familiar look that it now occurred to Dream was adoration. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“I...”

A lot of things were occurring to him, actually.

Hob was his best friend and most trusted confidant. Hob knew things about him nobody else did.

Spending time with him wasn’t exhausting like it was with other people—Dream had, on several occasions, initiated a hangout with him because he was thinking about Hob, and Hob never brushed him off.

Hob never raised his voice at Dream or called him weird, either, their first meeting notwithstanding. Hob listened to Dream’s advice.

Hob was always kind to him, even when Dream’s grief was hitting him hard or he was resistant to being called friends or he told him he began their relationship with bad intentions.

He held as much love for Hob as he did for Lucienne or Jessamy, except a distinctly different kind of love.

“I believe...I feel the same.”

“You do?” Hob breathed a sigh of relief. “I’d hoped so, but to hear you say as much...!”

The smile that Hob gave him was priceless. Dream would do anything to keep that smile on his face for the rest of eternity.

“We’re dating, then,” Hob said.

“Yes.” Just saying so set Dream’s heart aflutter.

“Then, maybe, sometime—” They were sitting close enough for Dream to tell that Hob’s gaze was drifting down to his lips. Hob noticed him noticing, “I’m sorry, I know you don’t really like kissing—”

“I’ve never kissed a guy before,” Dream countered as he leaned in.

They met in a chaste kiss. It didn’t take long for Dream to decide he was right—kissing a guy was different. The feeling of stubble against his chin was much better than his past girlfriends had made it seem. That couldn’t just be it, though. He’d never been this...giddy...to kiss his partner before. Perhaps it was something intrinsic to Hob.

Dream broke the kiss, and was treated to Hob smiling at him again.

Dream broke the kiss, and was treated to Hob smiling at him again.

[calypso-finale]

Ninety Six.

Looking up at Robyn and she looked down at me, she gave me the biggest side eye “you know you should be up here?” I sniggered “you wanted to climb those stairs I wasn’t going to stop, you go girl” she put a finger up at me “don’t worry I am holding it for you” I shook the ladders again “fuck you!” she spat, I chuckled to myself, this is too funny to me, but Robyn wanted to be the man of the house and decorate the tree. We are spending Christmas as a family in London at Rylee’ home, no extras just us and really it’s to settle Rylee back home since she is ready to be back, it’s been a few months really and she openly said that she is, we as parents didn’t want to say it because we have wanted her to stay but it’s Christmas now and it’s time she came home and that she sees Aziel, he is missing mom and I like he said it when he would talk to her, she needed to hear it from him. I am excited really, to be spending it in London and that all my kids are here, Taylan is away from us. I was so happy when Rylee told me he isn’t coming, then I asked Tianna just to make sure and she said he can’t come, I was happy. I don’t hate him I just find him annoying and really I would have told him to get a hotel, he isn’t married to Tianna she he shouldn’t be staying here, but that would have turned into drama, so I am glad he just isn’t staying really, saves an argument. I really like her home here, it’s very beautiful because the snow and how we decorated the whole place, it looks like Santa does live here, we want this to be extra special for her, she wants to get her life on track, and I feel like she is in a better space with herself. We have had some patchy moments, but we have been there for her, but Saint did what he needed to do and took the blame because if he went to court he would have got more time and Kim knew that, she should be ashamed of herself. She hide all this shit, she hid what kind of person he is, he has some serious issues with women “from being here and looking down your hair on the top is looking thin” Robyn said as she made her way down and then placed her hand atop of my head “I will push you off, make it look like it was an accident and then I can be the billionaire widow” Robyn gasped as I picked her off the ladders and placed her down “that is so rude, imagine it. I didn’t put your name in my will, so you get air” I laughed sarcastically, she is so unfunny with that, I know she has “money isn’t nothing if I ain’t got you around, fuck that noise” Robyn cooed out “I know” she grinned.

Robyn is making me hot chocolate “you know what I am most excited about, that you and the girls are making the Christmas food, it’s going to be so Caribbean, real Caribbean and homemade” Robyn sighed out “I regret being that excited to say that shit, I am thinking back now, and I am like uhmm let me take it back” Robyn chuckled “homemade hot chocolate too, you really feeling the Christmas vibe aren’t you?” she grinned “I love this house, like I am in love. I feel like we should buy this from her and make her move” I busted out laughing “stop it, it is big though. But that is her decision, this house is amazing, it gives me Christmas on crack, like this is a real white Christmas and it’s snowing, like we don’t get this in LA, I do like it. We can do snuggle more too” I winked, she placed the cup of hot chocolate in front of me “we should be asleep but fuck it, the kids are grown. I mean Emi will have her sisters so we can sleep in, they are going to be so excited seeing downstairs, I wish I was here to see their faces. I feel like Christmas with the eldest three were hit and miss, and yes because of me, I missed it all and I admit it. I put my hands up” Robyn said “I know but it’s the past now, we are here for them, I think we have all learnt something. During the whole issue of what happened, I just fucking hate the kid. Like I hate any man near my daughters, you know how happy I was when Taylan said he couldn’t make it?” Robyn sniggered “I saw! I was like I hope Chris can reign it in because Tianna will get upset” rolling my eyes “but like, I just. If it isn’t Oakley with Rylee I ain’t going to trust another with my daughter, and you know I have had sleepless nights over this shit! Like all this shit that went on” I have lost sleep because of it.

Robyn sighed out “we are so old now, look at us with hot chocolate and a warm fire” I snorted laughing “that is literally us being old, I mean it is late though. Going on four in the morning, but who cares. So what you feel about Rylee being back here now, because at some point we will be going back?” looking at Robyn “I personally feel positive, I think she is scared of men. She is really withdrawn with men. She is not looking for a man. I did speak to her about it, and she said, it’s about me and my son, I don’t want no man. It will take a mountain they need to hike to get to me, she said never again. I said to her what did her therapist say about it, she said that I should just concentrate on me, then I said what if you have a photoshoot with a man, would that upset her. She said no, she erm, she has gained a lot of sympathy. But like she said, she doesn’t want to be that girl, you know a rape victim” I cringed “I think she has learnt a lesson, that stop living a fast life. You know the girl I met when she was pregnant, or should I say not that. The girl that was with Oakley, the calm one, the one that was ok. That is her now, and I am glad she is doing this without a man. I am happy to leave her here, but this home is big for her” I sniggered “stop trying to take this house from her, cheeky. But yeah , I am excited for this Christmas. I feel like it will be our most peaceful one” Robyn leaned to me and pressed a kiss to me “how do you feel though? I mean this is a big thing for you” I asked her “oh god, weird enough my worry was always Rylee, I always felt something wrong would happen. I feel this mess would have been quicker if she stayed in LA though, North was never good and we knew that” rolling my eyes “we know, see how she switched?” Robyn gave me a dirty look “I would beat her up, stupid bitch but I am glad she is out of our lives though. I guess that is a plus for us really” Robyn has a point she is out of our lives “maybe we should help Rylee and Oakley reconcile” I had to laugh “Robyn you’re a fucking trip, get out of my face. You are the biggest hater” I pointed “now I see the light” she is so annoying “I think we should slightly help” I scoffed, she is annoying because she was the biggest hater.

I sighed out as I sat down on the floor next to the fire “what did grandad get you” I asked Aziel “a toy” he is opening his gifts now, I mean it’s a week earlier but he is going back to his mom and it’s been months so I just said to Chris, let Rylee have him and come next year we can start having shared or whatever so I said to my parents that Christmas is early for him, so we doing it early “look dad, it eyes” he showed me “it lights up, did you say thank you to big Neil” he nodded his head “I did, I have more” I grinned “you do have more presents, you just taking your sweet time opening them up aren’t you” he sighed out “uncle Wadz bought you something too” Aziel has such a tan on him, it’s funny because this boy has been living life with the boys, I have enjoyed him. He has been raised with a bunch of boys, but I been telling everyone he has to have manners, and they all been helping and making sure Aziel is saying his please and thank you, I have been doing my thing, but Aziel has been joining me, I have been overseas in Europe a lot. I have enjoyed him, the boys have too, I have so many memories made with him. I am happy “Aziel is still opening presents” my mom said “It’s like his first Christmas with us really, no drama” looking at my mom “really is, and he has been spoilt so much. I am trying to feed you” Aziel looked at my mom “I want that one” he pointed, and my mom grabbed it for him “thank you” that is a big box “who gave that?” I think that is the biggest box “me” Juke said “oh, JJ got that one son. It may be cheap then” I sniggered “hey!” Juke spat “I got him something he likes, ain’t cheap” he got offended there “it’s so nice to have him though” my mom said “you did that to yourself” looking at her “I will apologise to Rylee personally ok” she huffed out, I shrugged as my dad stared at me, but I can’t fault my mom she has been good, and I think she regrets her words, and she should.

I am going to miss Aziel a lot actually, it’s just been me and him travelling everywhere and just spending time together. I’ve enjoyed having him in the studio, I love how he is so close to my friends and my friends are close to him, I love that “come on, in the bedroom now, don’t play around or touch that bath water. That is from your dirty butt” placing the hood from his robe over his head “I see mommy” walking behind him “yes son you are” Juke’ girlfriend came out of the room at the same time as Aziel is walking to the bedroom “oh” she said, Aziel ran back to me “what is wrong” I laughed at him “see my peepee” I busted out laughing “my guy, seriously. She can’t see it, he’s so stupid” she laughed “he doesn’t like girls” picking him up “at the moment, girls stink anyways. Let’s hide you, she can see your butt now” she laughed “stop teasing him” she said “aww man, why are you so dense” kicking the bedroom door shut “I don’t like it” he has something against Juke girlfriend, and it makes me laugh “why” standing him up on my bed “you got some crazy beef with her Aziel, this been going on since you been here” he pushed his hood back “she’s a girl” I chuckled “and? What is wrong with girls, what is mom? Mommy is a girl, you’re being dense for no reason now, she has been here all this time and you still got some nasty beef with her” he shrugged “you funny, I’m going to miss you though. Come, let’s pick an outfit” picking him off the bed, I need to pack his things still “did you enjoy your time with grandad and Ruby?” He calls my mom Ruby, and I don’t know why “yes, I like my toys” I’m glad he did “good, well now you going to see Papa and mommy, and you’re going to have so much fun” he started moving his clothes around “sir!” I spat “messing this up for, do it nicely” hearing a knock at the door “yeah?” I said “bro, I’m going out so see you tonight” nodding my head “sure” he looked at Aziel “I can see your ass my boy!” He shouted “stop!!!!” He shouted “he is so dense; I love you kid. Give me a hug, I won’t see you after” poking Aziel “ok” he went over to Juke “I see you again” he protested “I know but I won’t see you for a few days, I have had the best time with you!” Smiling at them both “are you crying” I snorted laughing, he’s so cheeky “I can cry if I want, I’ll miss you” my son is the best, no other child if I ever more children will amount to him at all.

The Fenty-Brown family really went all out with this thing, the house is decorated to the max, this is crazy “hi baby” Rylee opened the door “mommy! Hi” Aziel jumped into her arms “I’ve missed you so so so much!” She picked him up “my son is home” Chris came from behind Rylee “you got jokes” I laughed, dapping him “bro forget Aziel it’s all about Oakley” he is such a clown “it’s about time I get some peace” I said as a joke “you look like you had some fun over there really, don’t lie to me I was jealous at some points” I shrugged “we had fun, he was just like my little bedrin coming along with me. I enjoyed it a lot really” Chris grabbed the case “we saw, he was having a lot of fun, come in” he said waving me in, the house is amazing. They really want all out “hi” I said to Rylee “hi” she said back to me, walking inside “Santa grotto, you dressing up for this? You dressing up as Santa? You better be” Chris shook his head “I ain’t dressing shit, but like it’s all the kids here and I want to you know go all out for this, I want to show out too. So we erm got this all done up, big family thing. You’re invited” shaking my head “nah man, thank you though” Chris is always inviting me it’s awkward really “always denying to come, come. Let’s go and sit down “hi” Tianna smiled “hey” I really want to go and leave them to it now, I am sure Rylee finds it awkward. Like this home was supposed to be the beginning and I find it hard to come here and to like to find out about my cancer, everything just really went to shit when I came here “dad!” Aziel shouted “I’m in here” dapping Junior “hey” they switched everything up in this place “sit down, we was playing games anyways” I paused staring “oh man, I can’t stay. I do need to go” Chris sat on the floor “where? Come on bro, sit down” they having games night or whatever “for a few minutes” I jumped at a hand on my back “hey Oakley” oh Rihanna is happy “hi” I smiled at her, sitting down as he wanted “you want anything to drink, look at you with a tan!” Rihanna said seeing Aziel “you little globe trotter” Aziel got a little shy and jumped onto my lap “I missed your little face” Aziel is being shy for no reason, he’s so silly.

I want to go, but I’m still sat here stuck with the family “I was jealous seeing you in Guyana, like you was living life” Rihanna said, I smiled “yeah, after Spain we went Guyana, see family there and they was happy to see Aziel. Then we came home, and then we went” I paused “I think Greece, we went to a lot of places. Just doing work really, we went on tour didn’t we” smiling at Aziel “he’s in a video of mine coming out, but we just came back from Dubai Friday, this is why he has a tan on him but yeah, he’s had a good time, I think Guyana is my best part” Rihanna cooed out “stay for some food” I was quick to get up “I have to go, I really do. But thank you” I am not staying at all “you not coming for Christmas” shaking my head “I have like stuff on, but you all can spend time with the man of the hour, he has had too much fun now” Aziel ran over to me and slapped Raihan head “hey!” Raihan shouted, picking him up “I am going now, you going to go and say bye to me” he wrapped his arms around my neck “I will see you in a few weeks, spend time with your mom and have a lot of fun” making my way out “I see you” he mumbled “yeah, you see me. You have had me for weeks now! Acting hard don’t by for what, stop squeezing my head bro” I chuckled “JJ not take my toys” he pointed “nah, he won’t take your toys, he would never” Rylee came out of nowhere, placing Aziel down “how are you?” I asked, “I am ok thanks, how you are?” nodding my head looking away from her “I am glad to know you good, erm I packed all his things I think. He did have a little cold, but like it went, and I took him to his appointment for his skin on the back of his leg, they gave a different ointment, it’s in the case. But that is it really, he had a good time and I will see him next year” looking at Rylee “you can come and see him before then” I shook my head “spend time with him and your family, it’s nice that they all here init” this is so awkward “nice to see you both talking” looking behind me at Rihanna “oh yeah, yeah” I just said “I am going now anyways, if anything happens with him let me know but when you want to talk to me then call me ok Aziel” he nodded his head, looking at Rylee again “good to see you’re ok though, bye” making my way out to leave the house “Oakley are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Rihanna said to me “this is going to be harassment at this point” laughed as I kept walking, she is really pushing for me to stay “bye dad!” Aziel shouted I ain’t even looking back “bye son” I am leaving.

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

26. Part 3

Looking around my daughter’ room, I just need to know I have everything ready for her. Like I am just being random, but I just woke up because I needed to pee but then it came to mind, have I got everything I needed. I know I did, I got everything, but I need to make sure I got plenty of diapers, but I am just wondering. I am more than happy with this room, she is getting everything I never got, and she is a queen, will be treated like one. Chris has yet to do the crib in our room, you never know we may keep her in our room for a while, but this room is perfection, it looks like a queen is giving birth to a future princess, but she is. She is super lucky; her room is direct opposite of our room. Because the way the stairs come up, it breaks the rooms up in a way, but her room is opposite ours which I like but I know this whole house would need babyproofing badly, everything here is not childproof at all, it’s scary. But I should go back to bed, but I will just go down, I did sleep better then I usually do so that is ok and that is thanks to Chris for snuggling me, putting the cream on me and also giving up his side of the bed. I am lucky to have him with me, I sighed out turning back on myself. I feel myself waddling, it’s actually not cute but I am waddling now. I did think I would have an easier pregnancy, like the model type but in real life I am a mess. I have not got ready for much, just Chris coming back, I don’t feel sexy like Chris says but Chris has no filter, he would say it to me in a joke, but he hasn’t so maybe it is just me feeling it.

The blinds rose up automatically as I got down the steps, one of many fancy things this place has which I like. It senses its morning and the sun is rising so the first person that comes down triggers to put the blinds up, let me open the door for the dog. He is probably waiting on someone to open the door so he can come up. It’s a little cold downstairs, looking out of the window, oh it’s snowed a little so no wonder. Opening the door for the downstairs “Zeus, come up boy” I said, he will come up when he pleases, I been contemplating on if I should get my chef back in my life, I think I may do it until I am back to normal functioning life but maybe I can just do it myself, why can’t I just be a normal pregnant woman. Hearing the scurrying behind me, either Chris cuts his hair, or he gets some professional. The dog’ hair is long as fuck “morning” Zeus always sniffs my bump, I don’t know why “yes, it’s a baby in there. Shall we cook breakfast, you don’t want to go out today. It’s cold out there” Zeus walked with me side by side to the kitchen, I am getting used to this big thing now, he’s not all that bad, he is better then Chris anyways because he keeps me company for longer then he does when sleeping, Chris moves off after a while.

Bopping my head along to the radio playing in the background as I made breakfast for all “hey Google, can you wake up the house” I said aloud, we going to wake up the house without walking up no stairs. I can’t wait for this home to be filled, after the baby born then I can start having my people back, holiday will be over. I can get family here to see me, it’s just going to be good vibes “waking everyone up now” I like the Google shit I have in this home, looking down on the floor, Zeus is laying there and doesn’t move unless I leave the room. It’s hard to get him to go downstairs, he doesn’t move at all because he wants to come with me but it’s very protective of him, I like that “oh, not heard this in a while” as No Guidance started to play on the radio, going to my phone. Mel has been texting me, she misses me for once. We are usually in each other’s pockets but since being married and pregnant this is the main priority in my life, but things will be back to normal, she will be back soon. Unlocking my phone, tapping on Instagram. Tapping on the plus sign and adding to my story, aiming my camera at Zeus and panning to the cooker and stopped it, tapping in a caption ‘who needs a man when you got this big ball of fluff’ pressing send, let them have a meltdown over that, which barely shows much.

“Robbie, I don’t like this loud noise that be waking up. It’s not nice” my mom is the first to come down “but you’re here, I made breakfast for us. I hope the boys come down next” my mom is not impressed, she is not impressed because the way she has come down with her wig lopsided and a robe on “come here mommy” walking around the counter “you look very happy today Robyn” fixing her wig “I am” pressing a kiss to her forehead “I am in less pain, and I just saw a different side to Chris. Like you know he is an idiot, every time he is stupid about things” moving back from my mom “I had a warm bath like the nurse said, he helped me out of the bathtub, so I don’t fall. He watched me that I didn’t fall in the bathroom on the marble flooring then, I didn’t want him to do it. Like I was nervous about it and I wanted the pads, but I did it, he put cream there where it’s hurting. I was scared because what if he did it wrong, but he didn’t, he was so gentle with me mom, and it was then I knew how much he loves me, like that love is deep to be doing that. For anyone” my mom’ eyes widened “he did that?” my mom said “he did, like he did it. I wouldn’t even get my own mother to do that, just the nurse because they are trained in that and generally, partners don’t do it?” my mom looks impressed “and you feel better too?” nodding my head “he has impressed me, not even your own father would do that” I chuckled.

They eventually came down; I mean I did need to call Dennis twice, but he finally came down “the pancake is cold” raising an eyebrow looking at Chris “you came down late? The hell you want me to do. Warm it up for you when I am eating myself?” Chris nodded his head “your thighs are warm enough” rolling my eyes at him “I heard what you did for my daughter, it just brings me so much peace that you will be there for her. No matter what people say about you, they don’t know you and I am so happy with you. That is something many men will not do for their partners, even be here for them like this. You are someone many don’t know, the real you” I died a little inside, my mom is mentioning it at the table “did Chris make your butt better?” Dennis snorted laughing “be quiet you!” Chris looked shocked, he was not expecting that “uh thank you Monica, it wasn’t a choir for me. I did it because it’s what is right for her, with Robyn I would do anything for her. I know she felt a little weird about it but like I seen it. she is the only one I would do that for. Like I joke about it, but I would. I know like how it will be for her; she will take lots of rest. She seems happy so I am happy” the buzzer went off for the gate “I will check” Chris said, nodding my head “things are quiet, don’t you think?” I said to Dennis “to you! You’re in your bubble” Dennis said laughing “things are still a mess, oh girl. Nothing is quiet, Roc Nation seemed to have tried to handle it weird enough. I think they are scared of you; they are scared on what is next” they should be “it’s a parcel, I will get it” Chris got up “cool, probably for the baby. I be ordering a lot of shit” which I have been, some things I don’t think I needed to get.

Furrowing my eyebrows “where that nigga go?” it’s so quiet and he never came back “so I was thinking, we could sell this to Netflix. Remember how Amazon outbid Netflix but I think with this we should aim for Netflix” pulling a face “but Amazon, I like them. As a team, they are very much involved. See what happens, I am warming to the idea anyways. I am just literally counting down the days until this lady is here, I feel it so much Dennis, the tightening. The heaviness. I feel my pussy is coming out” Dennis laughed out “he is so sweet Robyn; I have to say it again. I am in shock, to hear he did that for you. I am happy to go back once this is over” my mom is so impressed with Chris, Dennis looked behind me and then I felt a hand on my shoulder “there is so much mail Robyn, like there is boxes of things. Also the team are fixing the tree up for us” looking up at Chris “I didn’t do that, really? Where is the stuff?” I mean I have been ordering but not that much “in the hallway, just filled. I see some Fenty boxes too, and also Adidas. Maybe they are gifts” my eyes lit up “I love gifts, I want to see” getting up from the chair “come and help me” looking up at Chris “and I need you to shave this stubble” I grinned at him.

I gasped “oh my god, what is all this!?” I half shouted, “can you like move it all to the second living room, because the people are doing the tree aren’t they?” Chris sighed out “man, do I have too. Is Dennis going to help me?” turning around “I will help you there brother Chris” I laughed at this bromance, they have bonded “I think this is gifts from Bey, she has some new line from Adidas and I remember seeing the box so that is it. I won’t be able to fit in that yet. That is Dior” I know these boxes “also that is Fendi, why did these all come at the same time. Roc Nation too? Chile, what they sent us” I am scared about that box now, it’s probably some dead rat in here, they hate my ass “how does that dickhead know we live here?” Chris said, seeing the box “OVO, ok then. Erm, possibly Mel may have, I am not sure but Jay Brown knows where I live, I did tell him” Chris is not impressed, Chris is picking at the tape to open it “he has a fucking nerve to do that, he wrote a whole diss track about you” Chris managed to rip it open, I wonder what he gave and the nerve of him anyways. Taking the packet from him “a baby grow” I held up and then looking into the box “he’s given baby clothes” looking up at Chris “he disrespected you so badly, that shit has pissed me. He fucking made a diss song about you” Chris is so angry “there is a note” taking it out before Chris did, opening up the note “It’s handwritten too” oh this is Drake’ handwriting “wait there!” I pointed at Chris, he is ready to come and get it at me “Rihanna, I spent days thinking about you. I spent moments where I cried, I was hurt, and I made a bad decision to make such a song. I am sorry and I hope you are happy even if it’s not with me, I want the best for you because in my eyes you are queen. Accept the gifts from October’s Very Own, and I can’t help but think Adonis will have a play friend now and we can meet and just have kid day. Love Aubrey” looking up at Chris “not even a mention of Chris?” Dennis said, oh Chris is mad “no” I pointed at him.

This is wrong but we don’t need trouble “Chris listen to me” he went to get his phone “Chris, do not and I mean do not post anything! We don’t with that, we have moved on. We are not going to write any Instagram post, because I will” Chris furrowed his eyebrows confused at what I meant “I will post some shady shit, not you. What he did was wrong. I am shocked he had the nerve to send that, he knows you are here with me. He also knows you are the father, just don’t’ get involved. I will do it. Please move the things in there” Chris will do it and then it will be something bigger, I will do it because I know what he did and I know he fucking tried to make a song about me “just calm down, help him Dennis” taking the note with me walking off, I don’t think it’s the best idea to ever get Chris to do that, not when I am trying to help rebuild his profile so people can like him again, I don’t want them to say look at the man she is with “what is it?” my mom asked “Drake” holding the note up “he didn’t mention Chris in this, he made a diss song about me. He shamed me in that studio, he didn’t know that Chris was the father, but he does now” placing the note on the kitchen counter, taking a picture of the note “so what are you going to do baby?” my mom asked “I am going to write a nice little thank you” typing out the caption ‘Octobers very own bitch sending me gifts when you wrote a diss track about me, this fatherless child doesn’t need owl for clothes! She is ok and she kindly declined the dinner date, she doesn’t like blondes boo. Imagine being such a pussy all your life that you then bully a pregnant woman….. Trash!’ pressing send, I want to say more but then I am causing havoc.

Dennis took the picture of me with all the gifts that are for my daughter, I am super happy about this, I didn’t expect it “Roc Nation doing baby grows and shit, or was that just to be cute” Chris is never happy “it works, Chris standing there complaining looks good” Dennis crouched down to me, I am like drowning in kids clothes “mhmm, it does actually. Chris, you better post a thank you, I mean it. Send it to my phone, Chris help me up” this what happens I try to be cute on the floor, now I can’t get up. Chris yanked the hood off my head “hiding in the jacket” I smiled at him “let me pick you up, don’t get up. You might hurt yourself” before I could disagree he picked me up “don’t drop me, am I heavy” the face he pulled, I am heavy for him “no” he placed me on the couch “thank you baby, I am super shocked at the gift that have been sent” Dennis held my phone to me “write the caption, and Chris, I sent the picture to you also” I hide my face with he hood on the jacket and hid my bump, I look a mess but they still know it’s me ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you! For all of the gifts sent by everyone. So many to name, this could be a long post but thank you to my Barbados family for the gifts, all of the toys, auntie the outfits are the cutest. To @kimkardashian and Kanye, her first Yeezy’s and all of the Yeezy clothing, thank you. @Beyonce @Adidas the baby grows are the cutest, Also to @Fendi @Dior @Burberry @blackpyramidofficial and my record label @rocnation my family. And such surprise from @Fenty, these unique baby clothing that my team have made, you know I would love that. I am so blessed with love and support. We are thankful!’ that is long “you done?” I asked Chris “I put thank you everyone now my back hurts from moving the boxes” shaking my head at him, he is stupid.

Poking my lips out, I feel like a baby with diaper rash because I mean it was bad enough Chris had to do it last time but it’s another night and we have to do it again “are you ready? I am going back down after, Dennis and I are playing pool” nodding my head “sure, I love the tree by the way. It makes me all gooey inside because it’s Christmas and I love Christmas. I didn’t feel it but now I do, and I get to spend it with my husband” I am super happy about the tree “it’s ok, well I wanted you to feel it. Oh and I saw the picture you posted; I was shocked. Why?” he posted a very personal picture of me, like I wasn’t even looking for him but we was sat in the living room, I was talking to my mom but I look so well, like I feel I don’t but I am just concentrating on the conversation, I don’t hate the picture but I am glad he didn’t get me looking fat “you like it? I was just playing around with my phone and I realised it was a dope picture. I was like that fucking dickhead deserves a beating for that shit. He disrespected me” he got me choked up “it was very loving from you Chris, I loved the picture and the caption, thank you” I am so loved by him “it was nothing, come on. Get on the bed” smiling at Chris “no wait, let me read the caption again” unlocking my phone, it’s the cutest “go on then, than I can put it on” such a softie he is, letting me waste his time “You said she is for everybody but she is for me, you know Rihanna but I know Robyn. That really warmed my heart thank you” Chris kissed my forehead, I love him so much.

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Fifty-Four Pt. 2

“I knew they’d be excited but I was not expecting that,” Robyn said as she pulled on her underwear. Chris walked out the bathroom while wrapping a towel around his waist, “I wasn’t expecting that either. Has everybody been planning our future and not telling us about it?”

“Apparently so.”

Chris chuckled lowly as he sat on the bed and grabbed his lotion. He frowned at the emptiness of the bottle, “Babe, can I use some of your lotion?”

Robyn chuckled, “I told you that you were out yesterday. You didn’t go to the store?”

“I forgot.”

“I don’t use lotion, it’s shea butter mixed with coconut oil. It goes on like a cream.”

“That’s why you always smell so good.”

Robyn handed him a plastic container and he scooped out a dime size bit to rub in between his hands, “what you think?”

“It feels good. I like that it stays solid at room temperature too.”

“I bought it a natural food market. It’s an African lady that sells it, Ms. Ogri.”

“We’ll have to get some more then. I don’t wanna use up all your stuff.”

“Not worried about it. What’s mine is yours.”

“Thanks Babe.”

“No problem. You finish with your towel?”

“Yup. You can take it.”

Chris slipped on his boxers then handed the towel to Robyn. She dropped it into the clothes hamper by the closet door then turned off the bathroom light, “you need anything while I’m up?”

“No. I’m good. Come lay down.”

Robyn turned off the bedroom light and climbed into the bed. Chris wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she laid her head on his chest, “you ok? I’m still getting a really weird vibe from you.”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to have a ceremony?”

“No. Why would you think that?”

Robyn shrugged and Chris pushed up to sit up against their pillows, “Sit up with me.”

Robyn sat up and pressed her head against the headboard.

“Talk to me, Baby. What’s going on?”

“I was telling Mel and Lele about the whole proposal and they just made me feel like I was wrong for not wanting a ceremony. Like it was crazy to skip it.”

“Robyn, you’re the one getting married. Why does it matter what they think?”

“I don’t know but its irritating me.”

“Listen, I do not want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to do. This is our wedding and it needs to be for our comfort. And I love our families but fuck them if they have a problem with the way we want to do this. My concern is you. And if worrying about what they want is gonna have you feeling like you are right now, I don’t want you to be worry about it. If it was up to me, I’d marry you tonight, ok. Don’t give nobody that kind of power over you, ok?”

“Ok. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to be bothered by it but it was just-“

“Baby, you care about your family and their opinions, even if you don’t really listen to them. I’m no different in that aspect but what I really care about is how you feel. Your opinion is the only one that holds weight here. You are not crazy or wrong for not wanting to have a ceremony. That’s your right.”

“Do you want one?”

“No. Especially if you don’t want one.”

“Babe, I don’t want to be selfish and take the experience away from you either.”

“You aren’t. What I want to experience is right here with me. What I’m concerned about is that piece of paper declaring us legally connected. Wedding ceremonies are cool, don’t get me wrong but they aren’t the end-all be-all. There’s nothing but death that would keep me from marrying you whether it’s at an altar or standing in front of a  court clerk.”

Robyn smiled and gently palmed the side of his face, “Thank you. I really needed to hear that.”

“Robyn Baby, don’t let anybody get you down or make you question yourself. You know what you want and I have no problem giving that to you.”

“What if we elope?”

“Really?”

“Yea, just me, you and the girls.”

“We’ll need witnesses.”

“We’ll get two people we trust not to say anything then.”

“Is that what you really want to do?”

“Chris, I need my sanity and trying to plan a wedding is gonna ruin it. I hated it the first time I got married and I really don’t want to go down that road again.”

“Robs, you don’t owe me an explanation.”

“You are the only person I owe one to. I really appreciate you being so sweet about this.”

Chris smiled and pecked her lips, “I love you and I want you to be happy. That’s all that matters to me.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, let’s just brainstorm a way to make this work. How about we go to the court house and get married? The girls can still get to carry flowers and stuff but we skip all the other hoopla.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am absolutely sure.”

Robyn smiled as she hugged him tightly, “You’re incredible.”

Chris laughed, “you getting soft on me, Ms. Fenty?”

“I can take it back, Christopher.”

“No, that’s fine. I’ma shut up.”

Robyn laughed as she leaned into his chest, “seriously this means a lot.”

“You mean a lot to me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Baby.”

“Wait, we can’t tell the twins what’s going on though because they will snitch.”

“We’ll make it a surprise for them then.”

“Good.”

“Good. Can we sleep now?”

“Did I tire you out in the shower that bad?”

“You gotta stop with those tricks, Woman. It be taking days before I feel like my dick works again.”

Robyn laughed out loud as she wrapped her arms around his waist, “but you’re a quick study. It makes it fun.”

“I bet.”

“Goodnight Christopher.”

“Goodnight Bajan Girl.”

                                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Knock. Knock.”

Robyn looked up from her computer screen and smiled, “Hey you.”

“How’s the love of my life doing?”

“Much better. What you doing here?”

Chris held up a large cardboard box, “lunch.”

“Thanks Babe, I had a taste for some BBQ too.”

“I figured that. Save whatever you doing and come with me.”

“We not eating here?”

“Nah, it’s pretty outside plus I want to run some stuff by you real quick.”

“Oh ok. Let me change my phone to out of office and grab my purse.”

Robyn saved her work, locked her computer and changed her phone setting before grabbing her purse from the locked bottom drawer of her desk. She turned off her lights and met Chris at the door, “there’s a really nice set of tables in the pavilion downstairs.”

“We can eat there the I want to take you somewhere for a bit.”

“After you.”

Robyn locked her office, left a note on her assistant’s desk then followed Chris to the elevators.

“How has work been?”

“Pretty good. We had this long ass virtual conference this morning so my boss let us go early. I figured why not spend the extra time with my favorite girl.”

“I’m already marrying you, you know.”

“I know, doesn’t hurt to work for security.”

Robyn giggled as they got inside the empty elevator car, “talk to Mama lately?”

“Both of them actually. Nothing out of the ordinary. You?”

“Yea. Mama Fenty is already planning for the reunion this year. I guess my father’s side of the family wants to show up this year and my Guyanese folks do too.”

“That should be fun. Have I met them?”

“You met some of them when you came there as a teenager but most of them will be new to you.”

“Cool. You doing ok?”

“I’m good. Had to take the twins to their doctor’s appointment yesterday.”

“They told me they went. I could’ve taken them, you know.”

“It’s not a huge deal besides the office is right down the street from my dentist office so I still made my appointment in time.”

“Oh ok. You know you still should be telling me about some of these appointments. You don’t have to take them by yourself.”

“It honestly slipped my mind.”

“Not a problem. Which way are we going?”

Robyn pointed to sparsely filled area a few yards in front of them, “did you get something to drink? We can stop in the little convenience store on the first floor before we go that way.”

“Drinks and cups already in here.”

“You do plan for everything?”

“Always prepared for you.”

Robyn rolled her eyes and they continued walking until they came to a back picnic table. It was shielded by a set of trees and bushes but there was just enough sunlight peeking through.

“You’ve been out here before.”

“A few times but not often and not in the last two years or so.”

“You like being cooped up in that office?”

“No, I like being alone and being out here during lunchtime when it’s warm, too many people.”

“Ah ok.”

They sat down and Chris doled out the food.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I wanted to take you to see about a dress.”

“Oh.”

“I know we haven’t set a date yet for our wedding but if it’s just a court thing, I still want you to have a beautiful dress.”

“You know what I didn’t even think about it.”

“Oh.”

“Not like that. I was so focused on the girls’ dresses and what flowers they could carry, my dress completely slipped my mind. I want it to be nice for them, you know?”

“Yes and I want it to be nice for you.”

“Are we going to a store?”

“Actually I got two dresses sent to a nearby showroom for you.”

“From where?”

“New Orleans.”

“Christopher.”

“Don’t say my name like that. I swear it wasn’t a lot of money and they aren’t super extravagant so you could definitely wear them for a fancy date or something.”

“What dresses did you get sent here?”

“Those two white gowns I saw you sneaking looks at when we went shopping there.”

“What white- you saw that?”

“I absolutely did. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go into the store to try them on but you tried to act like you didn’t know what I was talking about.”

Robyn chuckled as she took a sip of soda, “it wasn’t that deep.”

“No but you clearly really liked them.”

“How did you know they even had my size?”

“I called and asked. I’m always paying attention even when you think I’m not.’

“Wait- so you bought them even though I haven’t tried them on yet.”

“Yea. If you don’t like them for a wedding dress, we’ll just find another one. They can always be used at a later date.”

“Christopher, that’s a lot of-“

“No, it wasn’t. We are not discussing finances. I will give you my accountant to talk to if you think I’m wasting money.”

“That’s not necessary. Dramatic.”

Chris laughed, “you the one always worried about my pockets. I’m good, Babe.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“That ‘for now’ is silent, I guess.”

“Oh shut up.”

They laughed and Chris kissed the back of her hand, “you sure you’re ok?”

“Life’s changing but I can handle it.”

“You’ll let me know if you can’t?”

“I will.”

“Good. What else you got planned for today?”

“Nothing. Come back to the office, finish up a presentation then home since the girls are still at your house.”

“You decide when you wanna move in?”

“Haven’t thought about it. I gotta sort though and see what stuff I’m taking with me, selling or putting into storage.”

“Are you gonna have a hard time with that?”

“What you mean?”

“I know you still have a lot of Michael’s stuff packed away in your garage. I imagine it might be difficult to go through it again.”

“You know, thinking about him doesn’t make me as sad as it used to but I guess I won’t really know until I start.”

“Do you want me to-“

Robyn started shaking her head before Chris even finished his sentence, “I’m an adult, a few tears won’t kill me.”

Chris twisted up his lips in skepticism before taking a sip of his drink, “we’ll see.”

“You don’t think I can do it.”

“I absolutely think you can but I also think it’s gonna be really emotional for you. Robyn, you haven’t dated at all since he passed which means you haven’t given much thought about what it’d be like to fully move on. You literally turned your master bedroom into a storage closet rather than sleep in it again. You’re gonna feel some kind of way.”

“And I will deal with it when it happens.”

“Well, I’m always available for support.”

“I won’t need it but thank you.”

Chris nodded his head as he finished off his macaroni and cheese, “what time do you need to be back?”

“By 3. I have a budget meeting at 3:15.”

“Cool, we have time then.”

  Robyn turned on the lights in her former master bedroom and looked around the untouched space. She hadn’t stepped foot in here since the day before Michael’s funeral. That day she was just in a rush to pack everything away so she wouldn’t have to look at it, she can’t even remember what was actually in here. She sighed as she looked at the stacked boxes, “I guess now’s a good time as any.”

There wasn’t as much stuff as she initially thought as she started removing the tops. Many of the boxes were in fact empty; those she placed inside each other and gathered away in a one corner. She pulled a large plastic bin from against the wall and her breath caught as she looked at the label. It was everything from her wedding day. Opening it, right on top was her wedding dress encased in a plastic garment bag. Holding up the bag, she unzipped it and pulled out the gown. It was still pristine white. She chuckled at the size on the tag. When she was pregnant, she had gained about 60 pounds, so she went from wearing a size 6 to a size 14. Lucky for her it was mostly baby.

She sat down on the floor with the dress in her lap as she started digging through more of the items. Next was the guest signing book and photo album. She flipped the photo album open and the first page was her and Michael posing together and he was cradling her belly. They had decided to do the photo session before the wedding as a precaution. As she started flipping through more photos, she didn’t feel the sadness she was concerned about. It was more of a relief than she anticipated. The sense of finality, that she was finally, officially moving on washed over her as she held her wedding dress in her hands. She didn’t need a ceremony. She didn’t need the extravaganza or anything of the noise. Her journey here had been enough. She just wanted peace for her and Chris and there’s was no better way to ensure that than to do things the way they wanted to.

 Just as she left the room, her phone rang. Robyn slid over the answer key, “Yes Christopher.”

“You ok?”

“I’m fine. You really don’t have to keep checking on me.”

“I know but I’ll do it anyway.”

“Clearly. How’s our babies?”

“They are good. Getting ready for bed. You coming back this way?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Always.”

Robyn giggled, “I have a preposition for you that might make life easier for you.”

“And what’s that?”

“Let’s get married this weekend.”

“This weekend?”

“Yup. In New Orleans. They only have a 24 hour waiting period and I don’t see any reason to wait any longer than that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then I’m in.”

“Good. See you in an hour.”

“Ok. Be careful.”

“I will, Baby.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Chris handed Robyn a bottle of juice as he sat next to her at the gate, “I was surprised we got the day off on a Thursday.”

“It always help to have a good relationship with your supervisor.”

“That’s true, “ Chris looked over to Erin and Erica who were sitting at a table coloring, “you think they’ve figured anything out yet?”

“Nah, I just told it was a quick vacation. I think we can make a room for some fun over the weekend.”

“You thought about a honeymoon?”

“Not really. You?”

“Not really either.”

Robyn laughed, “I mean we don’t have to take one right after. We can hold off for whenever.”

“Works for me.”

“Nervous?”

“More so anxious. We have a meeting with my realtor next week.”

“You’re ready to sell already?”

“Yea. I don’t see the purpose of waiting.”

“How’d the room cleaning go?”

“It went really well. I got rid of most of the stuff, whatever his mother didn’t want, I either threw away or donated.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, Babe.”

Chris pulled her close and kissed her temple, “was it hard?”

“It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would’ve been. It was more relief than anything. I think the time was just right, you know? After 9 years, I think it was time to move on”

“Ever wish you would’ve done it sooner?”

“Honestly, no. I didn’t really have a reason to do it sooner. It gave the girls some connection to him and I got to keep my memories.”

“Do you think it removes any of those things?”

“No. His things being there was just my comfort, you know. Kept my life familiar. Now I realize, my memories and the twins memories of him aren’t going anywhere regardless of whether I kept his things or not. I don’t think I would’ve been receptive enough in the past to even consider that. Besides I wasn’t ready to move on.”

“Who are you? What have you done with my Robyn?”

Robyn laughed as she playfully shoved his shoulder, “stop it especially since you the one made me confront all this stuff.”

“I did do that, huh?”

“Would you have made me get rid of his stuff before I moved in?”

“No, I would’ve waited until you were ready. It would’ve had to be in storage, of course but other than, no problem here.”

“You’re sweet. Where’s my Chris?”

“He grew up.”

Robyn smiled and pecked his lips, “you ready for this?”

“I’ve been ready.”

About fifteen minutes later, they were boarding the plane to New Orleans.

  “Mommy, you look so pretty,” Erica said as Robyn walked into the living room of their hotel suite.

“You think so?” Robyn gave a quick turn, “thank you, sweetie. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. Daddy said we’re going out to dinner later.”

“We are. We might be going on a haunted house tour this weekend too.”

“Really? That’s so cool.”

“I’m glad you think so. We’re gonna try and find as much fun stuff to do for our little vacation.”

“Yay!

Robyn carefully patted the top of her head to make sure she didn’t flatten her curls before directly Erica to sit down.

“Chris, Babe, are you ready yet?”

“We’re coming,” Chris replied as he and Erin walked into the living room. He stopped short as he looked up at Robyn, “wow.”

Robyn blushed as she brushed a stray hair behind her ear, “don’t look at me like that, you’re making me nervous.”

“I’m sorry. You just look incredible.”

“Thank you.”

“You wanna tell them now or wait until we get to the courthouse?”

“Now if you want.”

“Is something wrong, Mommy? Daddy?” Erin asked.

“How about you sit down next to your sister? Mommy and Daddy have something important we want to tell you, “ Robyn replied.

Erin sat down next to her sister as Robyn and Chris sat across from them on the ottoman, “Mommy is it bad news?”

“No, it’s very good news. Chris, do you want to do the honors?”

“Well me and Mommy didn’t want to wait so we’re getting married today.”

“Yay!!” Erin and Erica exclaimed as they jumped up to hug their parents.

“Do we still get to be flower girls?”

“Absolutely. We have your baskets and bouquets in the car downstairs.”

“Is anyone else coming?”

“No, we just wanted it to be us and our girls. We’ll surprise them later.”

“Oh ok.”

“So you ready for the wedding?”

“Yes, can we go now? I wanna drop some flowers.”

Chris and Robyn chuckled as they stood up, “let’s go get married.”

[cilldaracailin]

A Kind of Magic

Thanks for the love on the story! Here is some more :)

4

“I want my home to be that kind of place--a place of sustenance, a place of invitation, a place of welcome.”

“You literally meant three minutes.” Commented Taron as Robyn turned right down a cull de sac. “So, this is where you bring me to kill me right?” He asked as he looked through the windshield of the car at the narrow road that was lined on the left with trees and bushes, with an odd house on the right side.

“You are not the first person to ask me that and honestly, if I wanted to kill you, could have done it a couple of days ago.”

“Touché.” He replied with a smile.

“I’m right at the end. Even though the area is now quite built up, no one comes down our little road and it still real private and quiet.”

Taron watched with interest as Robyn drove them into the driveway of the last property on the road and he was absolutely taken aback at what he saw.

“Shit I thought you said you lived in an apartment.”

“I do.”

“Robyn this is not an apartment. This is a house.”

“It looks like a house from the outside but it’s really not a house. It’s small inside.”

Taron didn’t seem too sure as Robyn stopped the car outside a single storied building that was white washed but the window sills and lower sections of the walls were painted a pastel blue. Window boxes with flowers sat on the window sills and the front door was also painted the same pastel blue as the other features on the house. There was a large clear window on the left side with a frosted one on the right.

“This is a house.” Said Taron again as he eased himself carefully out of the car.

“It’s not a house.”

Taron looked around the drive and admired the neat green garden with tidy flowerbeds that surrounded the stone drive all the way to the gates that were open.

“It’s beautiful out here.”

“The weather helps.” Agreed Robyn. “But it’s a bit miserable when it rains.” She opened the back door to her car and pulled out Taron’s duffle, swinging it over her right shoulder. “And to be fair, it did use to be a house but a very small one.” She finished as Taron grinned at her.

“I knew it.”

“I just don’t class it as a house. It used to be my granny’s house.” She explained as she locked the car and walked around to stand with Taron at the bonnet. “The granny who I am named after, she left her house to me but I wasn’t allowed to actually have it until I turned eighteen. It’s an old house and it used to be very old fashioned house with a very old fashioned Irish interior with six rooms inside but once I got my hands on it, I made quite a few changes over the last couple of years so now I call it an apartment rather than a house.”

“It’s lovely Robyn.”

She started to walk towards her front door, looking for the key on the set in her hands. “Thanks Taron. Would you like to see inside?”

“Yes please.”

Robyn found her house key and opened the door, popping the code in for the alarm on the keypad on the right after she had opened the door. “Come on in and don’t be worrying about taking your shoes off. I am so not that type of house owner.”

Taron walked past Robyn and was immediately met with lots of light, natural light that came from a ceiling to floor glass wall directly opposite him. He heard Robyn close the door and she walked past him with his bag and he followed her as she walked into her kitchen and dropped his bag carefully on the island in the middle of the kitchen floor.

“Wow Robyn. That window.” Said Taron his eyes still focused on the all glass wall.

“They are actually doors. They can open out or when the weather is like this, they can fold all the way back too.”

“Seriously?”

“I told you I made some changes. Let me show you around.” Robyn walked onto the white tiled floor of her kitchen. “First and foremost, while you stay here, treat my home as your own. You do not have to ask me to make a cup of tea, eat anything from the fridge and the wifi is free.” She was really starting to enjoy the sound of Taron laughing. “However, I do charge for the use of towels.” She said with a smirk as she turned around. “This is the kitchen. There happens to be a lot of baked goods in my fridge at the moment, so yeah, would be good if you helped me eat those.”

“You have been baking?” He asked admiring the blue wooden cabinets of her kitchen. It was the first time he had seen a colour like it in a kitchen.

“When I can’t sleep, I bake.” She answered simply, ignoring his frown and moved out of the kitchen and to the right to a door which she opened. “This is kinda like a laundry room come closet but also has an entrance to the bathroom too. You can use the washing machine whenever you want, no need to ask and if you do happen to need towels, there are always fresh ones in here.”

Robyn closed the door and walked past the kitchen and into her sitting room which was partly separated from the kitchen by a large fish tank which sat a waist high wooden book shelf.

“This is the comfiest couch in the world, if I do say so myself.” She said standing beside a grey L shaped couch, littered with many cushions of all various shades of blue which matched the ocean blue painted wall behind the couch that had a large picture of dolphins on it. “And I am not gonna lie, I spend a lot my time in the evenings snug in this amazing teddy bear fleece throw in the corner of the couch watching TV.”

Taron smiled. “That sounds like my perfect evening.” He then turned to walk towards the glass doors. “This is just amazing Robyn, though wouldn’t it get very hot in here on days like today if the doors aren’t opened.”

“Why yes Taron it would which is why I had this installed.” Robyn walked past him and picked up a small white controller from the glass coffee table and after she pushed a button, Taron heard a whirling noise. “A lot of people laughed at me when I had the air conditioning installed but it has been a God send these last few days and nights. I have one in my bedroom too and I only use it when the weather is ridiculous hot. It doesn’t happen very often but with all the glass in here, it can get really warm so the air-con helps a lot.”

Taron moved and immediately felt a cooling breeze from the unit on the wall above the television. “I might just stand here for a few minutes if that is ok.”

“This weather is unexpected but normally the way here when the schools are ready to open after summer holidays.”

While Robyn was speaking Taron was quickly distracted from the air conditioning that felt wonderful on his hot skin as he saw a beautiful mahogany upright piano against the wall between the fish tank and television which he walked over to. “Play badly huh?”

Robyn followed Taron to the piano where he lifted the lid and his fingers played a simple C chord. “Yes, play badly. Anyone can have a piano and not play well and I told you, I prefer the classical pieces anyway.” She moved his hand from the keys and closed the lid again.

“Your home is beautiful Robyn.” He said as he turned to look at her.

“Thank you. It is my little sanctuary. We have two more rooms to see.”

Robyn walked past the L couch and into her bedroom. “It’s a bit messy.” She apologised. “I haven’t actually made the bed.”

“Don’t be worrying Robyn. It’s fine.” Taron was once again met with beams of natural light and he walked around her bed and to another set of glass doors. “Do these ones fold back too?”

“Yeah they do.”

“Doesn’t it get really bright though when the sun comes up?”

“I have back out curtains. Even though I love the light, I always need complete darkness at night.”

Taron turned around and took in Robyn’s room. The wall behind the bed was painted the same ocean blue as the one in the living room and her duvet cover was the colour of a Caribbean ocean. Opposite the bed, a television was bolted to the wall and in the corner at the glass doors, a white make up table with an oval mirror.

“Yeah I like the colour blue, if you hadn’t of guessed.” She blushed as she watched Taron take in her room. “It reminds me of the ocean.”

“I like it and I like that picture too.” He said pointing to the picture of the sunset on the beach on the wall above her bed.

“That was actually taken at Clearwater beach.” Said Robyn. “From the first time I went there. The bathroom is through here too.”

Robyn turned and walked into her closet and heard Taron following her. “Erm I am not very high maintenance and don’t really care about luxury things but I really wanted something fancy for myself so I chose a so-called walk-in wardrobe. I am very organised at work but messy at home and having all the extra space for clothes and stuff just makes it easier for me not to be messy, or gives me space just to throw stuff in so it’s not on the floor. The bathroom is this way.” She continued on into her bathroom. “You can’t actually see through that window.” She explained when Taron looked to the large frosted window. “It just adds some light and the bath maybe could also qualify as being fancy but I bloody hate it when you want to have a bath and you can’t sink into the water and your knees stick out and the bubbles don’t cover you so, yeah I splashed out and bought a pretty big one.”

Robyn took a second and then started to laugh, Taron soon following her. “Oh God that was a terrible joke that I did not mean. I have a shower too though. Again Taron, use whatever you need to in here, except for my razor. Don’t touch!”

Robyn turned and walked out of the bathroom, through the closet and back into the bedroom. “And that’s me.” She said as she sat on the bed, Taron sitting beside her, his hand going to his side as his ribs started to protest with an ache. “It’s my space for me. I really like my freedom and am one of those people who really enjoy their own company. Although it looks expensive and all that, it’s not something that happened all at once. I have been adding bits here and there for years, saving to buy what I know I would like.”

“I really like your home Robyn. I love the openness but at the same time, its cosy and homely and the fact that you have done it all yourself makes it even more special.

Robyn gently nudged him with her left leg. “Thanks Taron.”

The doorbell ringing made them both look towards the door.

“Give me two seconds. I am waiting for my things to be sent on from Florida so it could be those.”

Robyn jumped up and quickly jogged out of the bedroom leaving Taron sitting on the bed. He couldn’t explain how she managed to do it but Robyn just put him at complete ease and being in her home just settled him further and that niggling doubt he had felt while he sat on the wall in the heat outside had completely disappeared. He had been right and Robyn had taken him into her work and home without question. However, he was still upset with her for the reason that she left him in the hospital. He hated the pressure that came with his profession of being perfect all the time and it was just wasn’t something he felt comfortable with, hating how he was constantly judged for how he looked but Robyn was pulled into his world by pure accident and he did not want her feeling like she had to be faultless and pretty because as far as Taron could see, she was. He hadn’t lied to her when he called her beautiful and it was beauty he saw inside and out. He liked how she snuggled into the hug her gave her, how her body was warm and cosy and that she wasn’t afraid to show affection his way. He loved her easy going nature but also how she could quickly switched into protective mode but more so how she had opened up to him so easily when she admitted she was having just a hard of time as he was, although he hadn’t forgotten that she had told him she was having nightmares about him. It was something he knew he wanted to talk to her about, even more so after seeing for himself the bruises on her hands that matched the ones on his chest.

The softness of her bed felt so nice especially after sitting on hard airplane seats and he found himself turning around and kicking his legs up onto the bed and leaning backwards with a groan. It felt like heaven apart from the fact that his legs dangled off the end, his head wasn’t supported and the unmade bed was scrunched up under him. With a bit of effort, he shuffled backwards up to the pillows and when he found one, he lay like a starfish, the most satisfied sigh he ever felt leaving his tired body. Even with the ease that he melted into Robyn’s bed, Taron still felt some pressure on his back especially on his tender bruised right side so he rolled over onto his left side, tucking his legs into his chest a little, his left arm sprawled out while his right hand rested on the pillow in front of his face helping to take the weight off his sore upper arm. It was comfort and sanctuary that took Taron to a place he had not seen in a very long time and sleep quickly found him. Deep easy breathes filled his lungs and his body finally found the proper rest and sleep that it desperately needed.

“Nope just an amazon…” Robyn stopped in the doorway to her bedroom when she saw Taron lying down on the bed. “Ah gosh Taron.” It was something she was anticipating but maybe not two minutes after she had left him. He was out for the count on her bed, laying on his left side, facing the windows, shoes still on but at least he had managed to lay his head on a pillow.

Robyn took in her guests appearance and sighed. She definitely preferred Taron like this and was making it her mission to use this image of peaceful Taron to re-write the ones she had of him covered in blood and shaking in her arms as he struggled to breathe. She had thought that maybe he would have liked to have a shower and freshen up, possibly eat something before he actually made an attempt to get some sleep but it seemed his wrecked body had other ideas.

Robyn walked around to her floor to ceiling glass doors and pulled the blue curtains immediately filling the room with a cool darkness, blocking out the bright sun. She picked up a similar white controller for the air conditioning unit in her bedroom and turned it on, fresh air immediately filtering in her stuffy bedroom. Robyn had been in work since seven that morning so all the windows and doors of her apartment had been closed, meaning no fresh air had been circulating. She knew that Taron was already feeling the heat from the unexpected weather, even more so because he had walked to her work, so she was very happy to be able to keep her room cool for him. As Robyn moved to close the door to the bathroom and then her closet, she could already feel her room cooling down. She turned back to Taron and figured he was going to sleep for a while so sitting at his feet, she carefully started to open the laces of his converse and loosening them, eased the shoe fully off his right foot before doing the same for his left, throwing both of his shoes on her bedroom floor. Taron hadn’t moved once as she made sure he was completely comfortable.

Robyn had always had a single bed until she moved into her own place so the first thing she had invested in was a queen size bed for her bedroom, as she knew there would be no other furniture in her room, she could use the space for a nice big bed. Taron looked almost small as he lay near the edge of the right side of the bed, tucked in a snug ball and Robyn moved up from his feet and sat gently at his back and watched him sleep. She was getting used to seeing Taron looking calm and relaxed and just out of habit she placed her hand on his side feeling him breathing evenly. The sleeve of his t-shirt had ridden up more than when he napped in her desk chair and she could see clearly now the dressing on his arm and even more bruising embellishing the top of his shoulder. It really had taken a few days for all his injuries to come to light, especially the bruising and the right side of his face looked sore and tender, the cut on his forehead under a small dressing. She could only imagine how unpleasant the plane journeys must have been for him, having to sit straight in a small middle seat. Robyn only had one connection but Taron had two and it must have been thoroughly agonising for him, so it was no wonder that he found the softness and comfort of the bed so inviting. Robyn lifted her hand as Taron moved, his face burying further into the pillow, his whole body shifting a little into a more comfortable position, a content sigh following as he settled himself.

Robyn got up off the bed, satisfied that he was finally getting that cosy bed sleep he had been craving and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door half way behind her. She walked into the kitchen, opened up the American style fridge, another luxury item she had saved for a long time to buy and taking out one of the key lime pies she had made and placed it on the counter beside the fridge. Cutting herself a slice, she put it on a plate, grabbed a spoon and went to sit in her corner on her couch.

“Hey Alexa, play Ludovico Einaudi.”

Robyn sunk into her couch, tucked her legs under her and started to eat the pie she had made yesterday, the classical music filling the apartment, the cool breeze from the air conditioning unit creating a pleasant temperature around her. As she sat, she was still finding it hard to believe that Taron was asleep in her bed, the same Taron who she had left lying in a hospital bed on Saturday. He had travelled so far just to ask her why she had left him and after being completely honest with him, he gave her a good bollocking for letting, as he called it ‘the Hollywood shit’ get to her and as much as she appreciated being called beautiful by him, it wasn’t something she felt. Her figure wasn’t perfect – she had a curvier waist, with boobs and a bum and eating baked goods didn’t help that but at home in Ireland it was easier to accept and like who she was but Robyn knew it didn’t make her beautiful.

What she did know though, was that Taron felt exactly as she did. A bundle of mixed emotions that needed to be untangled one by one. Placing her empty plate down on the coffee table, she found herself rubbing the back of her right hand, wincing as she pressed too hard on the tender skin. She leaned back on the cushions and closed her eyes, stretching her arms over her head. She was actually jealous of Taron sleeping. It was something she had been avoiding since the nightmares began and had found herself dozing once or twice at her desk but now that she could physically see Taron in the flesh and see for herself that he was very much alive and kicking, maybe she wouldn’t be as afraid to sleep now. Stretching again, Robyn burrowed further into the couch, laying her head to the side on one of the cushions, soothed by the soft piano music that filled her apartment.

It was another nightmare that caused her to jump and nearly roll off the couch, waking her up suddenly. So much for hoping that by seeing Taron would help to get rid of her bad dreams. She was glad his appearance at her work had a different outcome to the dream she just had, where it was Richard who stood at the door of the creche, angrily confronting her for killing his best friend, rather than Taron who just needed comfort. Shaking the dream off, she looked to her watch. It was just after one thirty.

“Shit, I’m late.” She said getting to her feet. Robyn had every intention of going back to work because she knew that if she got Taron asleep, he would sleep deeply and she would be able to finish off the last three hours of her sift. She quietly walked back into her bedroom and as she opened the door fully, Taron was still in the same position as before, lying on his left side. Sleep had fully gripped him and the sound of his soft breathes were just about heard over the hum of the air conditioning. She walked around to the bedside locker where she had left the controller for the air con unit and turned it down to the lowest setting. Now that room was sufficiently cooled, Robyn didn’t want Taron to feel cold but she also didn’t want him to wake up sweltering. She walked back around to the end of the bed and carefully eased the duvet from under his feet and pulled it up over his body so his bare arms were covered from the chill that has already caused goose bumps to appear on his skin.

Robyn stood and watched him sleep and before she started to feel a bit like a stalker, she walked back out to the book shelf under the fish tank. She pulled out some paper and routed for a pen in a drawer in the kitchen and sat at the breakfast bar and wrote Taron a quick note. She was a little reluctant to write Taron another note, considering her first one was not a success but she made the necessary changes to this one including her phone number, the creches phone number and an explanation that she would be back by four thirty and to help himself to whatever he needed in the apartment, giving him the wifi code too. She even included a smiley face this time and a little picture of a fish too.

She walked back into the bedroom and left it on the pillow further to his left and placing a light kiss on his head, she then went back to her coffee table and turned off the air con and asked Alexa to stop playing the soft music.

She took a quick stop in the bathroom through the door in the closet to freshen up and then grabbed her keys, purse and phone which she had left by Taron’s bag and just with a little hesitation and one more check on her guest, she made her way out of the apartment, closing the door quietly behind her, the heat outside and in her car hitting her full force.

[iwanthermidnightz]

The following is the summary of Kate’s latest episode on Taylor. Forgive the back and forth and random points... Kate likes to ramble. It was literally an hour and a half of that but she did bring up some good points. This is her analyzing ‘The Archer’ among other things! For the record, I’m writing from her perspective/direct words.

————————————————-

-Thinks The Archer is beautiful, ethereal, and lush

-It’s very Donna Lewis, very Robyn, it’s a nostalgic sound, very Jack Antonoff, very Lorde Melodrama.. its a certain sound reverberating female celestial voices that reminds her of the 90s and she likes it

-It’s a promo single which means it’s released to promote the album, it’s not released to radio stations for airplay- no music video

-Sounds transitional, unfinished song… it’s building

-Released to convey a level of emotional vulnerability

-Taylor said in radio interviews in the UK that this album is very pure and it’s not in response to something like she said reputation was

-“Lover is about what songs would I write for the sake of writing songs? Most of them are about love in the sense that they’re a love letter to love itself”

-We’re in an era with VERY little information

-We’ve seen Joe twice in 2019 (go figure)

-Taymerica, Squad, Calvin, we see her all the time

-Then she gets in this mysterious private ‘relationship’ with Joe almost so much so that there’s no reason to speculate or think about her personal life because it’s so under the radar and she’s never officially talked about him

-She automatically likes his Instagram posts within 2 minutes which a lot of us think is some sort of thing Instagram does for people like her

-She has a theory Taylor and Taylornation can see stories without read receipts (duh)

-The Archer represents a person that's reflecting on their behavior and their patterns and thinking about their relationships in life and thinking about the role of self-sabotage as it relates to your personal relationships

-Talks about the dive bar situation, she needs to spend more time thinking about it

-She talks about the easter eggs leading up to the archer and debates whether Taylor planned this out 3 years ago because of the archer angel in the delicate mv, and the way the people in the delicate mv see right through her, it makes sense

-She always wondered what aspects of Taylors personal life is a media narrative. What has she actually confirmed herself? What are these songs really saying?

-She thinks the songs on reputation sound like really closeted anthems

-It’s none of her business what her sexuality is but it is her business to interpret her songs the way any open-minded person should

-So much of reputation she really read being about a relationship with a woman because it was so grounded in secrecy, quiet moments, darkest little paradise, happened for the first time, I don’t want you like a best friend, everybody thinks that they know us but they know nothing about us, I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us, I had a bad feeling… (yes she named them all in the same breath)

-Lyrics have never been about the protection and privatization of involuntarily public love, they’ve been lyrics about a perception of a forbidden love -It’s one thing to hide from the paparazzi, and to be like “something happens when everybody finds out, loose lips sink ships all the damn time”, recites ‘I Know Places’ basically- calls it a closeted anthem because Taylor literally comes out of closet doors on the 1989 tour.

-Thinks there are themes in Taylors songs that she might miss as a straight person and doesn’t want to discount them

-She was reading an article in Vulture written by none other than known Kaylor truther Jill Gutowitz, mentioned how Jill very openly talks about Gaylor and Karlie Kloss and even recently Tree Paine liked one of her tweets

-Tree Paine is a mastermind and has boots on the ground everywhere (Indeed she is!)

-Thinks the Tree Paine like was strategic

-Jill said in an article that there were implicitly queer lyrics placed throughout ‘The Archer’: ‘pace like a ghost’, ‘heroes die all alone’, ‘help me hold onto you’, dying alone and holding on to someone who isn’t right for you are all important tenants of the lesbian canon (shes quoting Jill)

-Kate did not pick up on any of that cause shes straight haha

-Mentions how Taylors fans are divided by those who think her songs are blatantly queer and those who don’t and believe the Toe relationship is real bc the media shows them that and they believe it firsthand (true)

-She quotes the reputation prologue “when the album comes out gossip blogs will scour the lyrics for the men they can attribute to each song as if the inspiration for music is as simple and basic as a paternity test and there will be slideshows and photos backing up each incorrect theory because it’s 2017 and if you didn’t see a picture of it it didn’t happen right? Let me say it again louder for those in the back… we think we know someone but the truth is that we only know the version of them that they have chosen to show us.”

-Kate says that those are her actual straightforward words and you can’t read that and say that it's not okay to believe in things we haven’t seen or that it’s calling her a liar to only believe what we’ve seen if she is telling us to our faces that we think we know her but the truth is we only know the version of herself that she has chosen to show us

-That is an admission of Taylor being strategic in what we know, and a ton we don’t know

-The prologue should’ve opened up the doors for an and all theories to be fair game but somehow it divided the fandom deeper than she’s ever seen

-Calling her a liar about what she’s told us thus far is not fair (it takes a mature person to understand that)

-The Taylor Swift strategic businesswoman who keeps us on our toes waiting for new music and clues is part of her success- not all. But there is a difference between that Taylor and the Taylor she is behind closed doors. She’s still a person. So to say she's a liar is not right.

-We can’t imagine what it takes to be in her position and not have lost her mind yet

-Maybe shes had a breakdown but we haven’t seen it (wasn’t that her disappearance before reputation?)

-Kate goes back to ‘The Archer’ and her internal struggle

-She read something that Taylor liked on Tumblr where someone said that The Archer is the song version of her poem called “If you’re anything like me”... epiphany.

-The song is about talking about her shortcomings while simultaneously accepting them and saying if you’re anything like me I’m sorry but you’ll be fine

-Kate recites the whole poem now lol

-Showcases a lot of strength in your weakness and pointing out the importance of going through these things in order to find oneself and to acknowledge that some things are just pillars of the way you are

-Back to the archer - this song is about the unwelcome justice system in her head in terms of patterns, knowing how she's going to react, in terms of wishing she were another way and objectively being able to see that but not being able to feel that is a very human experience to constantly be in between your head and your heart

-You only know your own experience, anyone that's hurt you stays in your subconscious or otherwise and we often react in response or defense of it and when she’s saying “no amount of friends at 25 will fill the empty seats at the lunch tables of your past and the teams that picked you last but darling, you keep trying”

-She has been criticized so many times and publicly taken down, shes felt like she can't do anything right at times

-Brings up the ME! Performance at the Billboard awards and no one talked about the performance, just that she ‘copied Beyonce’

-Stuff like that that was not intentional is often pegged on her for better or worse, correct or not

-To be accused of copying or being tone-deaf when shes probably orchestrated this team to make sure none of that happened would be so thankless and frustrating and sometimes the hate is louder

-At times in her career, she's had no choice but to jump to her own overwhelming defense

-You can't trust a lot of people if you are easily used and you do have to be somewhat cut and dry and I think that being put in an environment where it benefits you to be cut and dry because there are so many shady people but maybe she doesn’t really want to be

-She has no choice but to be black or white about her life and feelings and standing up for herself

-Back to The Archer- Kate doesn’t understand the point of “I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey”

-It’s kind of like I’ve been the attacker and I’ve been the victim, I’ve had the upper hand and I’ve had the lower hand, I’ve been the dumper and I’ve been dumped

-Kate thinks Taylor’s been on the attack and defense and she knows what it feels like to be treated the exact same way she treats people and therein lies the issue

-That’s a confusing thing to process in your head period and to communicate in a song is inevitably going to be a little bit frantic and convoluted but that's kind of the point. The anxiety of how you handle things and how you accept yourself despite the way you likely mishandle things

-Taylor starts out saying “I’m ready for combat” in the most reluctant, delicate voice that is not indicative of somebody ready for combat

-That sounds like somebody who is a reluctant participant in their own patterns and they don’t want to be doing it but they know they’re going to and they know they’ll do it again

-These patterns and issues that we have exhibit over and over the reason for self-loathing and it's almost harder when you’re older and can acknowledge that you do these things and they don’t work for you but I still do them anyway

-It’s that self awareness paired with the active participation in these bad habits that make a person really start to doubt themselves and in using figures of speech like “I cut off my nose just to spite my face”, like that cuts deep bc she's basically being like “I overreact and I know I do and on purpose”

-In acting out of anxiety and fear you often end up riding off alone

-At a point you see people come and go, you know how this whole song and dance goes, at a point you start to mourn it before it's over

-That’s kind of like “yeah I never figured out the best way to maintain these relationships and I’m tired of it, I never grew up, I don’t know why I am this way but since I know they come and go and since I’ve always ridden on the train alone that probably what I’ll do again but with your help, help me hold onto you… like I want you to be the exception”

-We all think of ourselves as a catch and a trainwreck and it’s not a bad thing

-Looking for someone’s flaws is something everyone does in relationships

-As it relates to in the past when she’s been burned by somebody’s dark side she wants to call it when she sees it and lock the door before she gets robbed but then there's the conflicting part where she’s like “well what I’m alright, what if I can trust you and I’m alright right here?”

-The entire song is kind of like a back and forth of opposing feelings

-To cut off your nose to spite your face is basically a metaphor for overreacting

-She brings up the Hiddleswift stunt and Taylor revealing that she was Nils Solberg for some reason (connecting it to the metaphor)

(KATE IS RAMBLING SO I’M ONLY ADDING IMPORTANT THINGS NOW)

-We’re so quick to discount people's feelings just because they're in a position of fame and fortune and power but I think we would all feel no less us with money if anything everything’s intensified

-Taylor must have to put up a front all the time because she's not allowed to complain or have bad days when that is your normal and any therapist will tell you you can only heal operating out of your own normal.

-Pain is pain and when you start to compare pain is when you start to trivialize, minimize and not work through what you’re going through and you start to avoid/ignore it

-Taylors in a weird position where she probably has a more internal struggle that anybody

-Through her music we should acknowledge and think about what it’s like on that side, we owe her the respect to be like damn.. this must be hard

-Talks about the “all the king's horses” line and Humpty Dumpty

-All of the resources and people trying to help Taylor at her disposal and they still can’t fix this and that is an empty feeling, like a lost cause

-When Kate hears ‘The Archer’ she hears a highly anxious episode that is not just processing the individual situation going on but then doing a thing where you project it on every single thing that's ever going to happen in your life

OK FIN.

[thecomicsnexus]

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #48-49 JUNE - JULY 1992 BY KEVIN EASTMAN, PETER LAIRD, JIM LAWSON, KEITH AIKEN AND ERIC TALBOT

SYNOPSIS (FROM TURTLEPEDIA)

The TMNT are preparing to go on a mission in the city of Springfield, Massachusetts. Donatello bows out of the exercise so he can debug his latest project, and thus Splinter sends the three remaining Turtles to the city. Their goal: find Casey Jones and return to Northampton before 1 AM. April drives the guys to town and drops them off - if they can't find Casey and get him to take them back home, they'll have to walk... all 20 miles.

Raph comes up with a plan - "an immobile object is easier to find than a mobile one," thus the TMNT decide to find Casey's car so they won't risk missing him. After all, Casey can't get back to town without his wheels. So the Mutants head off to find Jones' Chevy.

Meanwhile, Casey is spying on the guys and heads off in the opposite direction. He enters a playground where he's accosted by three young punks, who insist he pay a toll. A fight breaks out and Jones accidentally kills one of the boys.

From the rooftops, we see the costumed clad vigilante Nobody (from Tales of the TMNT #2). Nobody, although being an ally of the Turtles, doesn't know who Casey is, and attacks Jones for committing the crime of homicide. A battle takes place, and Nobody tries to handcuff Casey and take him in.

The Turtles spot the two remaining hoods fleeing and figure that the boys must have run into Casey, so they double back. The TMNT arrive in time to prevent Nobody from taking Jones to the police, but the crime fighter is angered by the situation.

"You realize this makes you accomplishes." the costumed cop states.

"Casey will answer for whatever he is guilty of. Justice will be served." Raph replies.

As the Turtles and their shaken friend depart, Nobody mutters, "Yes... I'll see to that."

April is talking to her sister Robyn on the phone. April is worried about starting a relationship with a man who helped her out of a jam, and Robyn is trying to figure out why her sister has been so mysterious about her life the past few years. Before any resolution is reached, Robyn has to hang up to attend to her baby. As April puts the receiver down, Master Splinter walks into the kitchen. O'Neil explains her dilemma to the wise old rat.

"Ever since I met you and the Turtles... and Casey... my life has been so secretive and strange. I mean... how can I get to know this guy - or any guy - if I can't let him get to know me? 'Cause getting to know me means learning about you guys... and that... geez! Sometimes I just wish I had a normal life. Splinter... what should I do?"

The Sensei thinks for a moment and then responds, "Leave."

This was not the comforting solution that April was hoping to hear.

Casey wakes up and quickly remembers what happened the night before. He hurries to the bathroom and retches. April walks by and calls out to see if he needs help and Casey orders her away. The bemused O'Neil dejectedly walks off.

Casey gets dressed and has an awkward silent moment with April in the kitchen before he takes off running into the woods. As he burns off his energy, Jones laments all of the "if only" scenarios that would have kept him from killing the young thug in the playground. Eventually Casey comes to a waterfall that has a fallen tree spanning the ravine, creating a bridge to the other side of the river. Donatello is sitting on the tree observing the stream in attempt to "understand the fractal structure of natural patterns," an element of Chaos Theory that Donnie is excited about.

Don's explanation irritates Jones and he blasts the Turtle for using big words and acting better than everybody else. Casey than demands to know why Donatello hasn't spent any time with him.

"Well" the perplexed terrapin begins, "We don't exactly share a lot of interests..."

This reply only angers Jones more and Don asks him if they can take up this conversation at a later time, when Casey is sober. Jones pushes the issue and gets more and more agitated and threatening until Donatello is forced to draw his bo and teach Casey a lesson in manners and humility. In short order, Donnie sends Casey careening into the water waiting below. Perhaps Jones also learned a thing or two about fractals while he was in the drink.

Meanwhile, Raph, Leo and Mike are training in the barn while the news plays on a radio in the background. Leo beats Raph in two out of three falls when a report comes on regarding gang-related slayings in New York City between warring Asian factions. Upon hearing this story, Raph walks out of the practice session.

Later, Casey is back at the playground where he accidentally killed the teen. The man called Nobody shows up, only this time he's wearing his police uniform rather than his super-hero costume. Nobody tells Jones that the three other hoods turned themselves in and their story matched Casey's, thus making it apparent that Jones was acting in self-defense.

"You sound disappointed." Jones remarks.

"Do I?" the vigilante cop inquires, "Well... I do prefer an open and shut case, and you seem guilty as Hell. But... facts are facts. As much as I live to bring criminals to justice, I have to face those facts. Besides... the courts are full of poor jerks like you, ingested and spat back out, guilty or innocent, it doesn't matter."

"Wow," observes Casey, "At least you're not bitter."

Nobody then relates his philosophy to Casey about the state of the world, a Yin-Yang theory that revolves around the idea that the further man advances, the more he regresses. The policeman then wonders how much longer the fabric of society can be stretched before it tears.

Casey states that he doesn't know, and Nobody then says that when he first met the TMNT he felt that they were an omen.

"I thought that it might be a sign... a sign that the end was near... you know, 'The Beasts Rising Up', that sort of thing." the cop states.

"Uh... yeah." Jones answers, "Look... I gotta go..."

"I won't stop you." replies Nobody.

Casey then heads off in silence towards downtown Springfield.

REVIEW

This is a good TMNT story, and it is written by their creators as well.

It’s been a while since we focused on Casey Jones and April (most guest writers used them as plot generators but didn’t invest much time in making them real).

And this was bound to happen, in fact, I would have assumed that something like this already happened to Casey, after all, his methods are quite aggressive.

Nobody came back for this story (to be honest, I didn’t really miss him), and we also got to know Robyn O’Neil.

The story seems to be pointing at a certain climax (the volume is getting into a final 12-issue saga). Between the gangs in New York, Splinter’s moods and April’s needs, something has to happen.

The art is also very good. Sometimes Jim Lawson can be a bit too angular, but the backgrounds look amazing.

I give this story a score of 9.

[benzbantz]

Best 100 Songs of the decade!

As a new decade will be upon us shortly (the 20’s) I wanted to share some of my favourite tracks from the last 10 years. I’m a pop and rap guy mostly so that’s what you can mostly expect but hopefully a few surprises along the way. I’ll post 100 songs I really loved (in no particular order) then my top 25 absolute favourites at the end. Ok here we go

~Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

To limit myself to just one GaGa track is cruel and not easy, Edge of Glory and Born this Way are both anthems and technically this came out last moment 2009 ..but didn’t pop until 2010. A classic that makes it to most my playlists.

~Airplanes- B.O.B ft Hayley Williams (A classic no need to say more.)

~Love the Way you Lie - Eminem ft Rihanna

A absolutely brutal tune about a toxic relationship full of of lies and abuse, the powerful video really sells the tone of the song.

~Rescue Me - Skepta

Used to love Grime but gone off it for a while now. I wouldn’t call this an outright grime track but Skepta def brings the gritty uk rap scene on this one.

~Forget you ~ Ceeloo Green

Thou I prefer the Gnarls Barkley music style, this is still a awesome tune. Always fun to tell someone to do one in a sing song melody.

~Written in the Stars- Tinie Tempah ft Eric Turner

Used to love me some TT, this was a real catchy banger with great chorus by Eric Turner.

~Raise your glass - Pink (Not much to say, a pop classic)

~I need a Dr - Eminem, ft Dr Dre and Skylar Grey

This is such a underrated song. You have to really know your Dre and Em history to catch everything being said (which I won’t go into here) Brilliant tune and my fave they both worked on together that decade.

~Animal- Neon Trees

Really catchy little number that I enjoyed from first hearing.

~Look at me now - Chris Brown ft Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes

Busta Rhymes rap, that is all!

~Moves like Jagger - Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera

A great sing a long featuring two artists I’m not mad about really so a surprise like from me.

~ In the heat of the moment - Noah Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

What a tune, completely missed this first time around heard on a tv show recently checked it was this decade and then added it right on the list. Banger.

~Summertime Sadness AND ~Love - Lana Del Ray

2 for 1. When Summertime Sadness came out I was mesmerised by Lana’s voice had never heard anything like it before. Safe to say she is my artist of the decade but haven’t raided this count down with all her music. A couple here and a couple of my absolute faves in my ultimate top 25. Love was very heard to keep out of my top 25.

~Stronger (What doesn’t kill you) - Kelly Clarkson

Come on now, if you haven’t belted this one out the top of your lungs at least once I don’t know what you’ve been doing the last ten years.

~Somebody that I used to know - Goyte ft Kimbra

Went thru moments of really liking this song then it really irritating me (played on radio A LOT), thankfully years later the hype has died so I can appreciate it once more.

Midnight City- M83

This is not really my sort of music at all ,so much so I’m not even sure how to describe it. Has a 80’s feel which I love. Just love the infusion of synths and instrumental. Plus the singer has a very calm melodic voice. Great track.

~T.H.E - Will.I.Am ft Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez

Absolutely love this song so catchy very Fergie era BEP sounding, with a great guest solo from Mick Jagger.

~212 - Azealia Banks (not much to add on this, banger!)

~Too Close - Alex Close

If you don’t recognise this song from title you will once you hear it, such a forgotten gem.

~Picking up the Pieces - Paloma Faith

Another unique voice that def makes my top ten newly discovered artists this decade is Paloma Faith, her cover of Mama Cass’s Make your own kind of music also deserves a strong mention. Also not related to the music but Paloma is mad as a box of frogs in real life which I love.

~Bangarang- Skrillex

Yeah you’re not leaving alive from this post without a Skrillex nod I’m afraid, not a big dubstep fan but jumped aboard the band wagon when it was big for five minutes, this songs only thing that made it back with me thou.

~Hall of Fame - The Script ft Will.I.Am

First let’s clear this up I’m not a massive Will.I.Am fan or anything, he was just in EVERYTHING for the first few years of the 10’s. It’s a great song regardless.

~Harder then You think - Public Enemy (What a track, can’t say much more, banger.)

~Locked out of Heaven- Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars had some amazing tracks his debut album Doo Wops and Hooligans featured some brilliant tunes which sadly I just didn’t have space for in this countdown, Grenade, lazy song , Just the way you are, but I’m showing some love to Unorthodox Jukebox here and it’s best track giving Bruno Mars a edgier new vibe.

~Chocolate- 1975

Not my sort of music usually but really enjoyed this laid back rock number,

~Get Lucky - Daft Punk ft Pharrell Williams

Disco is back! Or is was in 2013 when this tune came out, one of the biggest selling singles worldwide in the 2010’s so not much more detail needed on its inclusion.

~Let her Go- Passenger

Nice little number, always liked this one, never really got into there other stuff but had to give this a shout out.

~Can’t hold us - Macklemore ft Ryan Lewis

The Heist is one of my fave albums from the last decade features some great tracks, same love and Thrift Shop get a shout out but this track was my fave, uplifting and full of energy.

~La La La - Naughty Boy feat Sam Smith

This was Sam Smith’s big feature hit before they became the successful solo artist they are now. Great track very different to the music Sam does now.

~Work Bitch - Britney Spears

Don’t roll your eyes! This is a banger, now get to work bitch!

~Rap God - Eminem

For Eminem’s big solo feature on this countdown it was between this, The Ringer or Not afraid. You may of guessed I’m a Eminem fan and have tried to keep his entries down but one does not simply do a music countdown and not include Rap God.

~Of the Night - Bastille

Really like this band they have some great hits, Pompeii is another great song of theirs that I didn’t have space to include. I went for this eerie cover version of the Corona 90’s dance classic as my pick.

~Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus (Leave me alone it’s a good song ok 😂)

~Riptide- Vance Joy

A little hidden gem I’d forgotten about until I put this list together.

~Who did that to you? - John Legend

Was going to obviously include All of me in this spot but then I remembered this absolute hit from Django unchained which sneaks in and takes the spot. Both great songs thou.

~Nobody to Love - Sigma (Great little dance track not much to add)

~ When the Party’s Over - Billy Eilish

Yes I’m a 35 year old Billy Eilish fan ok leave me alone lol. Seriously thou this girl is super talented and she’s up there in my fave artists of the decade. There will be more of her in my top 25 but this haunting track deserves a mention.

~Turn down for What - DJ Snake ft Lil Jon

It’s Lil Jon yelling really load of course it’s a banger. Also worth mentioning Ice T did a awesome Rap rock version of this song and it’s amazing!

~Problem- Ariana Grane ft Iggy Azalea

Those saxophone’s thou! Groovy little number no explanation needed.

~Chandelier- Sia

Such a power anthem, I came out as trans in 2014 so this song holds a lot of personal meaning with me but regardless is a great song anyway.

~Thinking Out Load - Ed Sheeran

I’m not the biggest Ed Sheeran fan ,take him or most often leave him ,but did like this sweet ballad. Nothing against his voice it’s his songs that don’t often do it for me but this was great.

~Good Kisser- Usher

Never been huge Usher fan ,liked his earlier stuff, confessions and all that. This was a surprise jazzy bluesy type number thou that I really enjoyed.

~Rude- Magic (A catchy sing along tune)

~Zombie - Jamie T

This guy was one of my fave artists of the 00’s, and thou his newest stuff imo doesn’t compare to his older this was still a tune.

~I - Kendrick Lemar

This is actually best when played after the song ‘U’ , the latter being a self hating song ‘loving you Is complicated’ vs I’s ‘I love myself’ different ends of the spectrum I just included ‘I’as you can enjoy that one on its own but to get the best out of that track I highly recommend listening to U first.

~See you again- Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth

A sad song given it’s a tribute to Paul Walker who died in a car accident. Was overplayed a lot at the time but stands strong several years later.

~Dark Times - The Weeked an Ed Sheeran

What a track, their voices mesh perfectly together in this somber number.

~ Trouble - Iggy Azalea ft Jennifer Hudson (Banger)

~Hotline Bling - Drake

So many Drake songs I could of included, (he will appear again in the top 25) gods plan, headlines, in my feelings, nice for what, all absolutely great tracks but I had to go for my personal fave out of the bunch.

~You don’t own me - Grace ft G-Easy

This may be an odd one to some but I’ve always loved the original by Lesley Gore and this is a amazing cover. Grace has a lovely voice (and there is a non rap version if you’re so inclined) Love a good cover version and this is a awesome cover version.

~Side to Side - Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj

Hmm guess I’m a Ariana Grande fan, who knew. A cheeky little number and the first appearance in this countdown of a certain fave rapper of mine.

~Panda - Desiigner (another one where there’s not much I need to add, great tune)

~Dancing on my own - Robyn OR Callum Scott

Take your pick the Robyn original or the Callum Scott cover version, both stand alone great tracks, the original more a melancholy dance track the cover a somber ballad. Both brilliant.

~Alarm - Anne-Marie

A nice little pop tune, really like her voice

~Rockabye- Clean Bandit ft Anne-Marie and Sean Paul

Speaking of Anne-Marie, another great pop track. Super catchy sing along. Sean Paul can be hit or miss for me but works well with this track.

~Human - Rag N Bone Man

This is another one there’s not much I can add this guy’s voice is amazing. Brilliant song particularly love the chains you can hear rattling throughout (reminds me of Johnny Cash’s ‘Ain’t no grave’)

~Black Beatles - Rae Stremmurd ft Gucci Mane

Yep that’s some mumble rap to add to the list (told you my music taste was varied) As a whole I don’t love mumble rap but there’s some stand out tracks including this one.

~Thunder- Imagine Dragons

One of my favourite bands from the last decade, like most there stuff. This song has a great song along chorus. Really catchy track.

~New Rules And IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Honestly couldn’t pick from the two really like them both equally. So you get a double. Catchy pop tracks.

~Sorry not Sorry - Demi Lovato

It was between this or Sober (another great Demi track) but ultimately went with the more upbeat pop number.

~Havana - Camila Cabelllo ft Young Thug (A nice chilled Latino style track.)

~Perfect - Ed Sheeran

A beautiful song by Ed Sheeran,other then ‘sing’ and the previous mentions I’m not really into his stuff but this is lovely track.

~Feel it Still - Portugal the Man

Really catchy song can’t help but tap your toes along to it.

~False Alarm- The Weekend

This was something different from the Weekend, really enjoy this song, Weekend is one of my other fave artists to come out the 2010’s.

~Sanctify — Years and years

Wasn’t keen on there earlier dance stuff but when they found there sound I really enjoyed them.

~This is America- Childish Gambino

Great as this song is you really need to watch the music video as well for the song to have its full impact. Love Childish Gambino could of put several of his songs in this list, excited for future music from this guy.

~Solo - Clean Bandit ft Demi Lovato

A cheeky little pop number you can’t help but sing along to.

~Shotgun - George Ezra

One of those artists I can’t decide if I’m into or not, like one song then not keen on the next, it’s strange, but no denying this is a great song.

~Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD (RIP)

First off Rest in peace Juice, recently died at 21, very sad. The guy was super talented and was looking forward to his future stuff. Could of picked a few tracks but this was the first song I heard of his so that’s got to be my shout out.

~Only You - Cheat Codes ft Little Mix

Although I don’t mind Little Mix this is there only entry on my list. A nice catchy sing along with a dance beat.

~Lost Without You - Freya Ridings

This almost made it into my top 25, just couldn’t find a space for it. Haunting, melodic song with Freya’s stunning vocals. Don’t play this one after a break up or a death.

~Nothing Breaks like a heart- Mark Ronson ft Miley Cyrus

~Someone you loved - Lewis Capaldi

Think this guys going to be another Ed Sheeran for me, meh most the time with the occasional great song. This one no exception.

~Shut Down - Skepta

With lyrics like ‘Ring ring pussy, it’s shut down’ how can it not be a banger 😂 Not the best song in the world I admit but good fun.

~As we enter- Nas and Damian Marley

Words can’t express how much Iove this track, such a hidden gem. A reggae- rap blend of uplifting brilliance. Great gym playlist track.

~Better Now - Post Malone

Another artist I enjoy on occasion. This is my favourite of Malone’s songs so far.

~Bad at Love - Halsey (another great pop track)

~Bitch Don’t kill my vibe- Kendrick Lamar

Could of picked a number of Kendrick tracks King Kunta, DNA, M.a.a.a.d City, If these walls could talk, just to name a few but I’ll go with the first Kendrick track I heard and loved.

~Heartbeat - Childish Gambino

So gutted I couldn’t find a spot for this banger in my 25 but I had to include it on its own. Unless you’re a CG fan it’s unlikely you’ve heard it. Highly recommended a listen. I can’t even really describe it.

~No role Models- J. Cole

A anthem with a similar feel to Keep your head up by 2pac, a sad song somewhat but with a more upbeat tempo. My personal fave J. Cole song.

~Power - Kanye West

Wow our first Kanye track. I like Kanye ,prefer his older stuff. My dark twisted fantasy was the last album of his I really liked. This was a absolute monster of a tune. Also really liked the song Runaway from the same album. Both have great intros.

~Antidote- Travis Scott

~ No Sleep- Wiz Khalifa

Super catchy song, very anthem sounding.

~Young, Wild and Free - Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa and Bruno Mars

Another catchy tune, powerhouse of a team up.

~Rack City - Tyga

~ Romans Revenge- Nicki Minaj ft Eminem

Absolute banger double up from the king and queen of rap. Also a version she did with Lil Wayne which was very good but the Eminem version wins for me. Also will take the opportunity to give the Lil Wayne and Nicki song ‘knockout’ a shoutout.

~Blazin’- Nicki Minaj ft Kanye west

Another great Nicki Minaj track of the brilliant Pink Friday album. I know some of her more recent stuff hasn’t been great but she came out the gates strong in 2010.

~Pound The Alarm - Nicki Minaj

Last Nicki Minaj track I promise, could of picked this or starships as love them both equally.

~Trap Queen- Fetty Wap

Can’t lie this is something I never thought I’d like but the more I heard it the more I liked it.

~Ultimate- Denzel Curry

Yes the Vine meme song. Banger.

~Bad and Boujee - Migos

Yes more mumble rap, I’m not even sorry

~I’m not racist - Joyner Lucas

Wow maybe the most powerful song on this whole list. Nothing I explain can do it justice you have to give it a listen yourself (with the video)

~Cry Little Sister - Marilyn Manson

Boom, rap to rock just like that. I love Marilyn Manson covers, in the 00’s it was Tainted Love but this time around its this classic from The Lost Boys soundtrack. Creepy song but kinda perfect for Manson.

~Faster- Within Temptation

~End of Time - Beyoncé

Have to include some Beyoncé before this ends it’s the law. This was my favourite of hers.

~ Rumour has it - Adele

Not the biggest Adele fan but she has a few songs I enjoy, set fire to the rain and someone like you also good songs.

~Ugly Boy - Die Anwoord

Yep he’s a Die Antwoord fan 😆 I have no excuses, DA are one of my fave bands. Zef to death.

- Surf - Tommy Cash

Absolutely stupid lyrics but hilarious (need to watch the video also) it’s actually a good song with a awesome beat.

~Bang Bang Bang - Big Bang

To close the top 100 greatest songs of the decade out , some J-pop, I’m not a expert on Jpop I like a couple of artists and a few songs but had to close out with this... bang bang banger!

So here we go top 25 of my absolute faves from the 2010’s. (in no particular order)

~Radioactive- Image Dragons

This song featured in a Assassins creed game trailer (I forget which game) and I searched for it straight away, found it, fell in love, the rest is history. Great beat and vocals.

~Game Over - Tinchy Stryder, Tinie Tempah, Professor Green, Giggs, Devlin, Example, Chip

Wow with that line up it was always going to be a banger. This might be my fave beat ever! Such a tune featuring Rap and grime mvp’s from the UK.

~Gods and Monsters- Lana Del Ray

I know I said in no order but this might be my very favourite song from the last ten years. It’s not even regarded as Lana’s best but I just love everything about it, lyrics, melody and vocals. Perfect song.

~Born to Die - Lana Del Ray

Another melodic masterpiece from Lana Del Ray.

~Bad Girls - M.I.A

Yeah I’m a dude it’s weird this song gets me pumped seriously thou such a catchy song.

~In Paris - Kanye West and Jay -Z

Not much needs to be said, absolute classic.

~Over - Drake

Drake at his best imo, great beat, delivery and lyrics. My fave Drake song.

~Black Skin Head - Kanye West

Powerful song with a amazing beat, powerful lyrics, great gym song to get you pumped.

~Sail - AWOL Nation

You might have guessed by now I like a catchy sing along song with a pumping beat and somber tone. Check.

~Only love can hurt like this - Paloma Faith

Her voice in this is something else. I said it before Paloma Faith is so underrated.

~Bang Bang - Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Not to be mistaken for Bang bang bang by big bang featured earlier. Great pop hit.

~Take me to church- Hozier

Powerful song and video.

~Humble- Kendrick Lemar

Banger, not much else I can say.

~Uptown Funk — Bruno Mars

Can’t go wrong with this one, great hit.

~Can’t feel my face- The Weekend

Like most of the stuff this guy brings out, this awesome hit just tops that list.

~Redbone- Childish Gambino

Ok sorry Lana Del Ray but I retract your number one spot for this one. Thought it was Macy Grey or the Delfonics singing when I first heard it then discovered who it was. This has a 70’s soul feel. It’s hard to explain ,if you’ve never heard it give it a listen I’m sure you’ll love it.

~Bad Guy - Billy Eilish

Such a catchy tune, the song that introduced me to her music. Great little dance/pop hit. Fun and a bit freaky. Duh!

~Bury a Friend- Billy Eilish

The way Billy Eilish’s mind works amazes me, how she sees the lyrics, the music and video all as one package. She’s extremely talented and look forward to her taking up most the spots on my 2020’s best of list.

~I miss the misery- Halestorm

Great rock hit, has a very 80’s feel. Lead singer has a amazing voice.

~Sweet but Psycho - Ava Max

Maybe my favourite pure manufactured pop hit of the decade, any female pop star could churn this out and it would do well. Hate to love it.

~Homicide - Logic feat Eminem

If you don’t like rap you won’t get it, if you do, you know where I’m at.

~Stronger then Ever - Raleigh Ritchie

Otherwise known as Grey Worm in Game of Thrones, this guy can hold a tune. Great uplifting track.

~Speedom- Tech N9nne, Eminem

Another great Eminem feature hit. Absolute masterpiece of a record.

~I need - Maverick Sabre

Nice somber melodic song, this guys super talented.

~Cookie Thumper - Die Antwoord

The South African rap rave group strikes again, this one is pretty much a Yolande solo, the beat is insane and thou half of it is in said/sung in Africans it’s still my fave DA song.

~Monster- Kanye West, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, Bon Ivor

The title of this track doesn’t lie, beast of a track, arguably Nicki Minaj’s best guest verse ever (‘Where them girls at’ deserves a mention for sure) It’s in all my rap playlists, amazing song.

If you took the time to have a gander at my random countdown then I thank you, I fully expect you not to agree with everything, hopefully something you enjoy musically was mentioned I did my best to spread the genres as much as I enjoyed them. More music and other countdowns to come.

[rattycattyfanfic]

stroke by stroke

Fandom: Once Upon A Time Pairing: Regina/Emma, Alice/Robyn, Regina & Henry, Regina & Zelena Genre: Family/Fluff Rated: T Words: 2,255

Once upon a time, Regina paints.

5 times Regina struggles with her secret penchant for creativity + 1 time she finds her muse.

Read on AO3

this grew out of the plot in the regina rising book, where regina takes art classes for a bit. if you haven't read it, it's not crucial for this, just the inspiration. purely wrote this because art school has been kicking my butt recently and i must live everything through the cathartic distance of fictional characters. enjoy!

warnings: suggestions of childhood abuse, swearing, bit of brief alcohol use.

Once upon a time, Regina paints.

She’s not good, not by a long shot, but she loves it all the same. Loves to paint the horses, the tall, breathing trees and the horizon with its promise of freedom always just out of reach. The thick oils feel luxurious in an unfamiliar way, a far cry from the extravagance of corsets and jewels and feasts. They feel sumptuous, soulful, vibrant as she lays down rich colour, and she delights in it, escapes into the stables through her mind every time she picks up the paintbrush.

Her tutor, Jasper, is handsome and smiles when she masters a new technique or finishes a work, and Regina blushes all the way down to her toes. And therein lies the problem; because mother rarely allows her daughter the distraction of hobbies, let alone friends or boys not specifically approved by her, and she’s eagle-eyed looking for any excuse to put a stop to this. The excuse comes in the form of Jasper hovering at her shoulder, guiding her hand gently and his breath in her ear, and that’s that.

Jasper is ordered to leave, banned from the estate, and mother gets her digs in about Regina's poor painting skill, and the pressure to find an eligible prince to wed heats up. She no longer has time for frivolities between other lessons and dances and tea with suitors, so she gives it up.

When Henry is little, he’s a prolific little artist. He scribbles and scribbles as she works at her desk, and they’re the most beautiful thing Regina’s ever seen. She laughs and kisses his cheek as he proudly holds up his latest masterpiece, and gently takes it from him and puts it up on the fridge with the other favourites, cooing praise all the while.

She remembers, sometimes, well, we can’t all be good at everything, Regina, and feels her stomach twist in humiliation even years later, and promises herself this is another way she will never allow herself to be like her mother.

Seemingly chaotic spirals of waxy colour become slightly messy colouring book pages – delightfully disordered as Henry colours inside the lines as best he can but takes creative liberties: blue Spiderman, green sky, pink dog, all boldly unapologetic like happy children are. “Mommy, help,” he pipes up one day during one of their Saturday Granny's breakfasts, and spreads out his crayons across the table and Regina freezes for a half-second before picking up the red.

She puts the new art up on the fridge with alphabet magnets and puts the old ones carefully into a box. Later, she’s grateful she had the foresight to save everything, because during that awful year she returns to it on the worst nights. After he finds out about the adoption in the worst way possible and gets stuck on fairy tales, Henry demands she takes everything off the fridge in a fit of anger and pre-teen embarrassment, and so those go in the box too. Between snarling fights with his birth mother and shaking panic, Regina spends all too much time gazing over those pages of childish shapes until her vision is swimming and all she can see is a garish blur.

• 

• 

They never pick up their comfortable colouring sessions after everything gets better again. Henry gets too old, too preoccupied with being a hero or the author or college or adventures, and Regina mourns it.

She fills her house with expensive paintings, artisanal prints of mythology, illustrations of plants in an attempt to fill the hole, make it warmer on those nights he’s gone. Her favourite is a huge horse painting that hangs above her fireplace and Regina imagines maybe she would have painted something similar if she’d been allowed the time, the encouragement to learn.

And once, in the Underworld after trying and failing to sleep curled up on one of the couches, she tries. The injured horse from earlier had stuck in her mind, had looked so much like her Rocinante but wasn’t, and the loft is dim, silent but for soft snores of Snow and Charming close by. Beyond a few minutes in the bathroom here and there it’s the closest to privacy Regina has had since they got here.

Enough for her to pick up a scrap of paper and pencil and hunch over the coffee table to draw. Regina tries to remember the arc of her steed’s neck, the angles of his muzzle, the soft fuzz at his chin, and sketches until her hand aches and her eyes grow tired.

It’s bad, but it’s not awful. She feels calmer, in the dark where no one can see her failure, mother long gone. She stares at the dark shapes meant to be his eyes, the glint and it’s off but she feels sixteen again, bringing the outside inside with her. And she feels tired, at last. Slowly, Regina lays back down under the soft blanket and allows herself this small ounce of serenity.

• 

• 

In Seattle, she is Roni and owns a bar and dresses in leather and old denim. She has pain – a failed adoption, an uncaring mother, an absent father, streetwise beyond her years and more loneliness than she knows what to do with, oh yes, she has pain. But the curse has taken away specific old agonies of forced marriage and murdered lovers and a mother who abuses and shames, and she might be relieved if only she knew that she’d forgotten anything.

Roni doesn’t remember never being enough in any way at all, being groomed for marriage and marriage only, denied the simple pleasures of hobbies or friends, and she’s something of a fixer-upper – handy enough to maintain the pub, physical and creative in a way Mayor Mills hadn’t ever been. Not to mention financially fucked. She can’t spare the cash for Regina’s extensive designer wardrobe even if she could stomach the idea of fast fashion.

So she does the next best thing – cuts up her tees, alters the fit with simple stitching, and one day when she has a spare few hours after a relatively slow shift, she picks up a set of cheap paints and goes to town on a jacket sitting in the back of her closet. After hours hunched over the jacket, a couple of cold beers, and a few loud spins of the Ramones, her mind is clear and her body pleasantly tired. The paint dries, and she marvels at her newly personalised jacket, adorned with tasteful flowers, unique to her, and for once, there’s no insecurity.

•

•

When Roni remembers and becomes Regina again, she admires the jacket hanging on the back of her door, trails her fingertips over the paint before finally slipping it on. Her cursed self had surprisingly done quite a good job and it’s hers and she won’t waste a perfectly comfortable jacket. (Zelena comments, one day, nudges her gently when she gets a closer look and sees the slight imperfections of a hand-paint job. “Never knew you had an artistic side, ‘Gina,” and Regina rolls her eyes and snaps a towel playfully after her, says “I don’t,” but has to hide her flushed cheeks.)

Robyn arrives in Seattle, tall and grown now, if a little rougher around the edges – her fault and in hindsight maybe the ticket to Amsterdam she hadn’t even run past Zelena had been a bad idea, much like the spellbook she’d passed on because we all experimented, Zelena. Robyn is brave and kind and funny, though, had never succumbed to the darkness or to vices like they both had even given the chance. She’s doing well, besides being, y’know, cursed, and some evenings, that bright-eyed, wild-haired girl Tilly – Alice – comes to visit and they exchange soft touches and warm smiles. (It reminds Regina painfully of a different blonde lost to her, and she turns her face down and pours out a shot.)

While Robyn dries glasses or wipes down the counter, Alice splits her time gazing at her girlfriend and hunching over a notebook, writing and doodling. Regina had seen over her shoulder once by accident, the pages and pages of loopy handwriting and beautiful drawings of stormy seas and far-off dream-realms (real, if only Alice would make the connection she’s so close to). And when Robyn gets off shift, they sit side by side and Alice explains each drawing with glinting eyes. “What about you? What do you dream about?” Alice asks, and so Robyn picks up a pencil and tentatively tries to illustrate a dreamt childhood filled with magic and mythical beasts.

(The curse breaks and for a short time, they all sit in Roni’s bar aware of what they mean to one another. Robyn smiles softly and says, “I remember when you and mom would colour with me, Aunt Regina,” and slides two pages across the bar counter towards the two witches. Regina’s mouth closes around a silent protest and she smiles too, exchanges a soft look with her sister, and grabs a purple pencil.)

•

•

The realms are united, and everyone is back together. Everything is good.

Regina sucks in a breath as she stands in one of the castle towers, looking over the kingdom. She still has her mansion, but occasionally, she likes to come up here and allow the treetops and winding rivers to clear her mind.

She sits down on a wooden stool near the window, brought up here especially for today. Actually, all of this had been acquired very discretely, just for her today. She could have summoned it, but she’s really trying to not use magic lazily these days and the ritual of gathering everything had been strangely soothing.

In front of her is a wooden easel and a small table laden with paints – oils, like she’d used as a girl, and fluffy brushes and spirit for rinsing. The blank canvas is terribly intimidating, but Regina keeps her breathing steady and reminds herself no one has to see if it turns out bad, this is just for her. To see if she can still, if it’s still as fun as she remembers. She picks up a brush and dips the tip in the pale blue and begins to work.

The time passes easily, and as the hours slip by the sky begins to turn pink, the sun warm and red and all the colours changing too fast to keep working. That’s about the time that the door creaks, and in comes Emma, a small quirk of a smile on her lips and blonde hair tumbling down her back. “How’s it going?” she murmurs, and Regina nods.

“I missed this,” she admits and surveys her work with her bottom lip between her teeth.

The blonde grins, and steps forward, her head tilted – “Can I see?”

Emma is tentative, always careful and considerate in these quiet moments despite her naturally chaotic state, and so Regina nods again, and breathes steadily. Arms wrap around her waist and a cheek rests on her shoulder as the blonde gazes at the painting, and for a long moment Regina is half-expecting disappointment or a stilted falsity.

Emma just makes this dragged out ohh sound though and tightens her embrace. “That’s really good, Regina, you never said you were good,” and Regina flushes deeply and shushes her, would maybe chuck something small and light at her if she wasn’t enjoying this hug so much.

“It’s just – practice,” Regina excuses, and lightly pushes away to spin and take Emma into her own arms, their eyes meeting. “But thank you.” She cups Emma’s jaw and brings her down to kiss her lightly, sweetly, awing all the while at how they finally got here. Her other hand trails down Emma’s cheek, and the woman feels slight wetness and whines, “Reg-ina.”

Regina smirks as Emma rubs at the smudge of wet emerald green on her cheek, only spreading it even more. “I’m so gonna get you for that,” the sheriff says with a childish grin and flicks a brush still covered in purple paint at her lover.

The paint splatters over Regina’s browbone and she gasps and then laughs, “Emma,” as she grabs ineffectually for the brush that Emma holds high above her head. Emma jumps back, bright laughter ringing against the stone walls, and her eyes are bright. Regina’s chest feels light looking at her, lunging for the brush again until she gives up and picks up a brush of her own. Emerald eyes widen and Emma murmurs a warning, backing up and still grinning until she hits the stone wall.

Regina closes in on her, presses against her, and then her sly smirk drops. Her hand closes around Emma’s wrist, pinning it as she leans in and brings their lips together tenderly. The kiss heats up, Emma moaning into her open mouth and flicking her tongue teasingly against red lips, and the brushes drop to the floor with a clatter.

And maybe they’ll regret this little paint fight when it comes time to clean up, but Regina thinks, this is what creativity, art is supposed to be like – serene solace, laughing with her lover over spilt paint, colouring with her son, drawing dreams with her family. They part, their breath huffing warm and unsteady, and she is contemplative, meeting Emma’s eyes and trailing her thumb over the woman’s plump lower lip. She’s beautiful, glowing in the soft sunset. Regina feels good and breathes into the space between them, “I think I know what I want to paint next.”

[noexit-ff]

53.

It’s been a while since I have actually got to watch Paw Patrol but I swear these are repeats, Junior is actually quiet and sitting up on the bed, I personally think I am more interested in the show now “aye, you see that. Ryder is a little bitch” I said looking behind me, seeing Junior with my phone in his hands “the hell you get that from?” I swear he didn’t have that, Junior just stared at me and started chewing down on my phone “get off that, eww you nasty ass” reaching over, grabbing the phone from him but he wouldn’t let me take it “little nigga no! Let go” Junior got a good ass grip on him “I said no Junior! You are Junior when you are naughty” yanking it out of his grip, the saliva on my phone. Junior fell backwards onto the pillows and went into a full fit of tears “you took my phone and you crying” Robyn the saviour rushed into the bedroom “what did you do to him?” I gasped in shock “me?” I am offended “I told you he is teething and is not well Chris” wiping my phone against the bed covers “he stole my phone and started putting saliva all over it” Robyn picked Junior up from the bed “I know, daddy is mean. Chris you placed it in his reach so it is your fault” Robyn sat on the bed, watching my son being a mini me “he is crying for boob, look at him. He is face planting in those but when I do it you’re like oh no, that hurts” Robyn glared at me like I needed to grow up “Chris, your head is huge and leave him alone, look at him. He has cried tears” Maurice stared at me all sad, he is dramatic. Robyn moved his hand “look at this, his front teeth are coming through” Robyn opened his mouth “you can just see it but leave him alone, he needs loving” Robyn wrapped her arms around Maurice.

Pulling Maurice’ hoodie down a little “you friends with me now, you ain’t crying now are you?” he seems to be over it, Robyn placed his pacifier in his mouth “you both look so cute, matching outfits. I want to take pictures, come. Both wearing Black Pyramid is too cute and I think red is his colour” walking behind Robyn “you know once people see you both in the matching Black Pyramid hoodie and sweatpants they will want it, we should do the kids line. I am telling you” walking down the steps “you said no work?” Robyn has banned me from doing anything “yes but we don’t need to do much, what ever Junior has got we can bulk make it and sell it” Robyn is right, as soon as people see it they want to copy. Robyn pointed “stand there, the sun is shining just perfectly” the hell does she think this is “just take a picture so we can go” turning Maurice around in my arms so he is facing towards Robyn “Junior, look at me!” Robyn shouted, Maurice did look for a second “awww it’s your sister” Princess is here, crouching down with Maurice “hey girl” touching her head with my free hand, placing Maurice on his feet holding him up. My hands on his waist, he spat his pacifier out as he stared at Princess. She walked over sniffing him, Maurice got ever so excited smiling and I couldn’t help but laugh “she making you happy” until Maurice gripped Princess’ ear “you’re a monster, get off her” placing Maurice on my lap, looking up at Robyn still aiming that camera at us “look baby” I pointed up at Robyn, Princess barked twirling around and then sat next to my leg “these picture have come out better then I thought, god. I am so family proud” Robyn gushed, Maurice is back to chewing on his fingers now.

Robyn really got me out here Christmas tree shopping, this shit is just boring. I done told her that we can just get one, no need to come here but we have to do it. She is going all out, we have to do these stupid things but I guess being parents we have to do everything, go all out for him “I really like this one” Robyn said again, I keep saying no to it “it is too big, think of the house” this is some bullshit I am lying about, the tree will be fine “I am getting two, we are having one outside with fake snow” she is doing the most, Maurice is more happy to be outdoors and looking around “so you want two Christmas trees? Who the hell is decorating this? You?” Robyn pointed at me “you know it will be you, stop being boring. I want them both, I don’t want the fake trees. I want the real thing, I want fake snow too. I want to make out like Santa was for real at our home, you need to make it happen Chris” she really loves Christmas “fine but that shit ain’t going in my car, it’s being delivered. Happy?” She has not moved away from these big ass trees “thank you baby, you know it’s going to be special” now she is being all cute with me.

Kissing the top of Maurice’ head as he tried to yank the menu away from my hands “you are an animal” everything just belongs in his mouth “are we ready to order?” the waiter said to us, placing the menu down “uuuh yes, Maurice no” moving the menu away from him “I’ll have the chicken taco salad” Robyn said, frowning at her in confusion “salad? Is that it, why are you trying to lose weight when I like meat on you?” Robyn gathered the menus “we can speak on that after, order” looking up at the waiter “uuhhh I’ll get the southern fried chicken burger with steak cut fries, cheese sauce on that. I want chicken wings and also nachos and I ain’t even sharing” the waiter smiled “it will be with you both shortly” he took the menus from Robyn “you’re fat” Robyn said just after he left “I’m hungry, not only that I am having to eat because the thought of seeing my parents again is depressing, then Ethan. It’s just wack” Robyn looked down at Maurice, hearing Maurice whining out so I looked down at him “what’s wrong baby?” Robyn said, Maurice grabbed his ear and started pulling at it “hey, don’t be crying now” turning him around to place him over my shoulder “he needs something to chew on, he’s going through it my poor baby” Robyn pushed her seat back to get to his changing bag.

Pulling Maurice pacifier out from his mouth “what are you doing?” Robyn questioned “well since he is tasting new things” placing my little finger in the cheese sauce “you’re the type to give him a lemon and don’t you dare think about doing it” placing my little finger in his mouth and then moved it back, looking down at his reaction as he slowly tasted the sauce in his mouth with a slight confusion on his face “don’t you dare give him anymore” Robyn pointed at me giggling “he is not liking it at all” Maurice glared up at me with a slight hate in his eyes “what?” I laughed “I can’t wait for Junior to talk and walk, he is going to set yo ass straight” Maurice legit hates me now “you want to fight me? We can fight now little nigga” Maurice looked away “your dad won’t do shit baby, I know you missing me. Why are you like this? Honestly” Maurice gripped the edge of the table and tried to push himself up off of my lap “he wants my food” picking up a chicken wing, Maurice let go of the table and then watched me eat “mhmmmm” holding it near him “want some” he moved his face forward but I moved the wing back “hell nah, I don’t share chicken nigga” Robyn rolled her eyes at me.

I personally hate this, I would be happy with just Ethan but my parents have really come back and I don’t know why. Pushing my snapback down further and crossing my arms across my chest, I am bored of hearing my mum “I understand that you are upset Joyce, as a mother you failed to keep him safe at such a young age. He was left to deal with it but this is about Chris” Ethan said “and Chris why are you hiding your face?” resting my head back “because it’s the Joyce show, I am letting her take the limelight. She wasn’t supposed to know, she was blind to it, the bitch I fucked was right under you, well the bitch that fucked me” I snorted laughing “stop it” Robyn said yanking the snapback off of my head “you speaking on it like it was nothing brings you nothing but more pain Chris, stop joking about it” looking over at my dad, he is staring at me like he wants to beat my ass until I say I am ok “but I have accepted it, I know what happened and I accept it. Just my parents won’t, they find me troublesome. I am the same one that feeds them, paying for a guy that left me. Everyday I am feeling great but I don’t think them two are feeling great” Ethan can help them two “I have always paid for myself, I live a humble life” my dad said “so humble that you didn’t want me ruining your vibe, you’re so sick minded Clinton that you rather me just be high off my ass then you having to admit to the fact your son got abused and it was your fault. You didn’t want me, the shit didn’t stop there. I got shipped off to Harlem, not to you but to Harlem, you failed. You wack as fuck, you think this dickhead will pay for your trash. How do you feel that this is all of your fault, I was a child and I was thinking of killing someone that was abusing my mom because nobody helped, when I asked for help do you know who came? Nobody, so you live a humble life and repent your fucking sins” he is driving me crazy, he out here judging me.

I shook my head “and you think I am an angry nigga, look at him” I pointed, Ethan just put his hand up to me “why can’t you speak to Chris and tell him how you feel? Is there a reason why you was never there, it’s good to talk” my dad shook his head “it’s not my fault he can’t control himself, he has issues because that is just him. I reached out to him but he hates me, you know what I feel? I feel like he is a rich guy that just can’t be faithful and wants to live out luxury like all of these rapper boys out there, I always said to you that Rihanna and you are bad for each other, she drives you crazy. You need to just grow up boy, this boy is stupid and I am done. Joyce you created him so you deal with him, I am too ill for this drama that Chris likes” I felt a stab to my heart, my dad got up from the couch “so is that it, you have cut your son from your life? Don’t ever come here and ask for money again or use his name because I will sue you” Robyn said but I am not actually registering what is happening, is my dad disowning me and not caring. Clenching my jaw looking to the door seeing my dad walk out, the same feel of when he walked out that night when my mom got beat, like it was nothing. Looking away from the door and stared at the ground, blowing out air “I guess he doesn’t want to know” I said looking at Ethan but feeling the hurt in my heart.

The room is awfully quiet “I forgive you mom” I choked out but fighting back the tears “I forgive” I paused swallowing back the lump in the my throat “I was going to forgive him but he didn’t want to know, how can he not care” it hurts to hold this back “it’s ok to cry Christopher” feeling Robyn hold my hand “come here Chris” slowly moving my body and laying my head on Robyn’ lap, I feel so numb “it’s ok, you know your answer. You can move on now” I blinked my eyes and a tear fell “I am so sorry Chris, please believe. I am ever so sorry, I didn’t know” my mom got on her knees “I would have protected you, I am so sorry. I was so stuck in wanting a man to look after us. I am sorry” I swallowed hard “you’re ok though, he couldn’t hurt you anymore. If he didn’t leave, I would have killed him for you. I still will now” moving back from Robyn’ lap “I still remember it, I still see it, I still hear it. I saw a motherfucker blow his brains out and people expected me to be normal. I forgive you mom, I do. But I don’t forgive myself because I didn’t do anything, I just grew up and became this. After all these years and I still wanted my dad” shit kills me.

Staring down at Maurice in his crib, it makes me think. What goes on in anyone’s mind when they leave their child, I couldn’t walk out on Maurice. He has got my heart, everything I didn’t get in love he got, he will have me with him. I may be the most annoying dad but I am going to be there, on god I will never let him see the shit I ever saw. He will never be me, Maurice screamed throwing his toy to the side “you ready to sleep now” picking the toy out “you think there is enough room for daddy?” placing the toy on the floor “I am sure I won’t break it” climbing into the crib, hearing Maurice gurgle “if I sleep on my side, then I’m good” laying on my side just behind Maurice “come on, lay down” laying him down, he keeps on giving me weird looks “let’s put your blankie over you, that way you will sleep” placing the blanket just on his cheek, how he likes it “and this” placing his pacifier in his mouth “now you are ready for sleep” resting my head down, Maurice just stared at me “I’m taking too much space?” he looked and reached his hand out touching my tee “I love you” I said as a sob left my lips, I will love him to the moon and back but I didn’t get that and I will learn to accept this, I will accept this .

[tomeandflickcorner]

OUAT Episode Analysis- Flower Child

Well.  That was quite the revelation.  Now can we please kill Gothel already?

For this episode’s flashback, we end up turning back the clock further than we ever have before.  Once, thousands of years ago, Gothel was a Tree Nymph.  With blue skin and hair.  And she lived with her mother and sisters in a sacred grove somewhere.  But Nymph Gothel, in a very Ariel-like manner, was greatly interested in the lives of the humans who lived nearby.  She often watched them and admired their lives to the point when she wanted to be a human, too.

One day, she ends up breaking into some fancy mansion so she could admire the ballgowns that hung within the humans’ closets.  But she’s instantly discovered by a group of young women.  Gothel attempts to apologize for her intrusion, but the young women tell her not to go, as they’d witnessed her magically produce a rose blossom. They state they are fascinated by her magic and want her to teach them in the magical arts.  As a result, Gothel starts to pal around with the young human women.  Eventually, the Nymph Mother finds out and steps in.  She kindly tells Gothel that, no matter how much she might wish otherwise, she is not a human.  And that the time will soon come when she will have to accept her place among the Tree Nymphs as she’s apparently next in line as their leader.  Or something along those lines.

Regardless of the Nymph Mother’s words, Gothel continues to hang around with her human friends.  But when Gothel decides to start training them in the ways of Nymph Magic, the young women reveal their true colors.  Turns out, they were just a group of Mean Girls this whole time.  And they were just leading Gothel along with the intention of publicly humiliating her, as they really view her and her people as freaks and abominations.

Devastated by this betrayal, Gothel returns to the sacred grove.  But when she gets there, she discovers the insult was even greater.  While she was being mocked and humiliated by the Mean Girls, a separate group of humans had lay siege to the sacred grove and completely destroyed it by cutting down and burning all the trees within the grove.  Which, of course, resulted in the deaths of all the other Tree Nymphs, including the Nymph Mother.

Immediately, Gothel lets her heart grow bitter because of this.  Filled with feelings of vengeance, she angrily returns to the human mansion to not only strike back at the Mean Girls, but everyone else as well.  Basically, this whole backstory is a complete remake of Carrie, only with Tree People.  Using her Tree Nymph magic, Gothel creates toxin-spewing flowers that….apparently killed every single human in the entire world.  The only person she spared was a young woman named Seraphina, who reveals she could also use magic but had hidden her powers from the other Mean Girls out of fear of what they might do to her if her magical ability was revealed.

Once her mass genocide is complete, Gothel tells Seraphina that, eventually, life in this realm will once again emerge from the primordial ooze, and the world will become populated by humans all over again.  But when that happens, they will be ready, and will strike back by returning magic to this world, which has now become a Land Without Magic.  As she announces this, Gothel unearths a single magic bean from the remains of the now destroyed sacred grove, which she uses to open a portal that allows her and Seraphina to journey forth to increase their number, so they would eventually become the Coven of Eight.

So, according to this backstory, our world, the Land Without Magic, used to HAVE magic.  And the only reason why it no longer does contain magic is because humans persecuted and killed the Tree Nymphs.  And then the last remaining Tree Nymph went all Carrie on them by wiping out every single living creature, so life on Earth would have to start from the amoeba level all over again.   Which is an interesting attempt at World Building.  Not to mention the most bizarre ‘Creation’ story I’ve ever heard.

It also explains what Gothel’s motive is.  Though it does NOT justify her actions in the slightest.   Yes, she’s right- humans are generally horrible and are motivated by greed, hatred, selfishness and cruelty.  I get it.  Preaching to the choir, lady.  I work in retail.  I deal with the public every day.  Not to mention my life is more or less controlled by corporate America.  But she’s so wrapped up in her own twisted misanthropy, she has completely neglected to recognize that she’s ended up just as bad as the very humans she hated so deeply.  Perhaps even more so.  Case in point, the fact that she raped Wish Killian, tricked him into impregnating her, abandoned her baby the instant she was born and then trapped her in a tower for the rest of her life.  As well as forcibly separating her from her loving father, who was the only companion she had.  Not to mention how many lives and families she’s destroyed and ripped apart along the way.

But Gothel is apparently upping her game in Hyperion Heights.  After spying on her with Margot/Robyn, Gothel approaches Tilly/Alice.  Of course, Tilly states that she wants nothing to do with Gothel, but she’s stopped in her tracks when Gothel informs her that she’s her biological mother.  Obviously, Tilly sees the impossibility of this statement, as Gothel only looks a few years older than her.  But she then defiantly states that, even if what Gothel says it’s true, it doesn’t matter because it would mean Gothel abandoned her.  And Tilly is not interested in getting to know a mother who would abandon her child.  In response, Gothel starts spouting off a whole Sob Story™ about how she had a cruel life, as if that would excuse her actions, and then states she never would have walked out on her daughter if she’d known how special she was.  Because Gothel apparently knows that Alice is the Guardian she was seeking.  So, in other words, Gothel, you’re telling Alice/Tilly that you’d only care about your flesh and blood if they were of use to you?  Yeah, spare me with your claims of being a mother.  A REAL mother loves her children unconditionally, not just when they’re useful to them.

Thankfully, Tilly doesn’t fall for it, and she puts Gothel in her place by telling her that she is already wanted by people who really care for her, and therefore doesn’t need her before storming off.  But she can’t shake away the uneasy feeling she’d feels.  So she heads right over to the police station to see Rogers, who is in the middle of trying to come to terms with the impossible circumstances of Parallel Hansel’s death.  How can someone be stabbed from the inside?  Could it be that Naveen’s claim of magic being involved isn’t so impossible?  So when Tilly starts telling him about her encounter with Gothel/Eloise, the gears in his head start to turn.  Because it’s starting to sound like Naveen’s warning about a war brewing might not have been so far-fetched after all.  He tells Tilly that, even though what she’s saying sounds crazy, he’s learned his lesson after the death of the Blind Baker.  As such, he’s no longer going to doubt her words, no matter how crazy they might sound.  This visibly delights Tilly, and the two head off to confer with Henry.

When they get to Henry’s apartment, he is initially reluctant to let them in, trying very badly to act casual and not act like he was hiding something.  But when he hears Rogers and Tilly are starting to suspect something magical might be going on, what with Parallel Hansel’s impossible death and Elise/Gothel’s claims, he willingly lets them it.  Because their words are pretty much vindication to him, as he’s set up this whole murder wall in his apartment.  Ever since he saw the results of the blood test that named him as Lucy’s father, he’s become more open to the possibility that the stories in the book he wrote are real.  While his attempts at convincing Jacinda of this were put on hold when Sabine called her up to help with the food truck (as Naveen/Drew is in police custody and is not able to make it to work), he’s grateful that Rogers and Tilly are starting to be on the same page as him.  He shows them the evidence he’s compiled, from the fact that he found a photograph of Regina/Roni standing with eight-year-old him, his swan keychain, and even the fact that Rumpelstiltskin/Weaver’s teacup is identical to the Rumbelle teacup illustration from the New Storybook.  Rogers wonders why Eloise/Gothel wouldn’t just use magic if she actually is a witch, but Henry counters this by pointing out that, in his book, this was called the Land Without Magic for a reason, and while there were trace elements of magic throughout the land, it probably wasn’t enough.  And Gothel/Eloise probably would need a huge amount of magic to do whatever she’s planning

The discussion on the matter is interrupted when Rogers receives a phone call from the Desk Sargent, informing him that Gothel/Eloise was spotted skulking around the local theater.  So Rogers goes to check it out, with Tilly tagging along. This leads to an adorable Knightrook moment, which starts with the visual proof that Tilly decorated Roger’s windshield with origami mushrooms and origami rabbit.  And Rogers isn’t the slightest bit fazed by this.  They start talking about Eloise/Gothel’s claims about how she is Tilly/Alice’s mother.  Tilly admits she had always wanted a mother, and she’s wondering if she’ll find the missing part of her if she lets this woman in.  But she has her doubts, because Eloise/Gothel doesn’t seem like the nurturing mother type.  Rogers comforts her, stating that, even if Eloise/Gothel is right and she did give birth to her, it doesn’t mean she’s her mother, as it takes more than biology to be a real mother.  He then gives her a marmalade sandwich that he just happened to have with him.  Which suggests he regularly carries around Tilly’s favorite sandwich, just in case he’d run into her on the street.  That is just adorable.  Even though he still doesn’t remember, Rogers just can’t stop being fatherly to her.  The Knightrook feelings are jumping off the scale here.  Tilly even begins to thank Rogers for everything he’s done for her, from listening to her to letting her stay with him.

That’s when they spot Eloise/Gothel entering the theater, and they start to move in, with Tilly ignoring Roger’s request to stay put.  This ends up to be bad, as the whole thing was a trap.  The Desk Sargent has been hypnotized into helping Gothel in the coven, because apparently Gothel can hypnotize people now.  When they enter the theater, Rogers and Tilly are immediately taken captive by the members of the Coven of Eight.  Rogers angrily warns Gothel that he will kill her if she even tries to hurt Tilly, regardless of his police badge.  But Gothel isn’t perturbed, stating that Tilly isn’t the one she plans to hurt.  She and the rest of the coven drag Tilly and Rogers down to the very bowels of the theater, which are revealed to be the former location of the sacred grove where Gothel once lived with the other Tree Nymphs.  Once they reach the site, Gothel tells Tilly that she expects her to help her and the other witches in casting a powerful spell.  One that, I guess, will bring back the magic in this land and restore it to the way it was before the Mean Girls exterminated the other Tree Nymphs. She goes on to state that it’s time for Tilly to accept her place among them, as she can never belong to the world of the humans, and that the Coven of Eight is her real family, etc. etc..   Tilly, however, doesn’t fall for it, stating that, whatever Gothel might be, she is no mother to her.  But in the end, Gothel manages to force Tilly into helping them by threatening to kill Rogers if she doesn’t comply.  She even reveals the fact that they’re actually father and daughter.  This threat ends up working, as Alice’s love for her father hasn’t been erased by the curse, resulting in Tilly caring deeply for Rogers.  So of course she can’t let him be killed.  As such, she reluctantly agrees to help Gothel and the other witches cast their spell, in spite of Rogers pleading her not to.

Meanwhile, there’s a whole supblot with Lucy going to Facilier, to ask him if he had another batch of magic that could help cure Henry of the poison inside him.  He tells her that he can only help if Lucy can locate a symbol of Henry and Parallel Ella’s love.  (I wonder.  Is this why he wanted the Dagger?  Was he planning to use it to break the curse somehow?  If so, I’m kinda on Facilier’s side now.)  

So Lucy gets her mother to dig some old boxes out of storage, claiming to be feeling nostalgic after Parallel Hansel/Nick’s true colors were revealed. While looking thorough the old boxes, they come across a box labeled ‘BL,’ which Jacinda states stands for ‘Before Lucy.’ Meaning this box contains traces of Jacinda’s life before she gave birth to her daughter.  As they look through the box, they find things that Jacinda cannot explain- a T-shirt advertising Granny’s Diner back in Storybrooke.  This excites Lucy, as she speculates that Henry must have brought that stuff with him before he left on his soul searching quest. (So, what they’re saying is that Parallel Ella had one of Henry’s t-shirts?  Nice!)  And, when they look into the paper take-out bag from Granny’s, they find… The Glass Slipper!  Minus the fragment that Henry has.

Bursting with excitement, Lucy brings the Glass Slipper and the Glass Slipper Fragment to Facilier.  With it, he is able to use his voodoo magic to eliminate the poison within Henry, thereby ensuring he won’t die when the curse is broken.

However, when Jacinda shows up at his place to inform him that she and Lucy found the Glass Slipper, resulting in her starting to believe in the possibility that she might actually be Cinderella after all, nothing happens when they kiss.  Much to Lucy’s surprise, as she was really expecting their TLK would be the one to break the spell.  I, however, am not surprised.  Because the original Dark Curse was not broken by Snow and Charming’s TLK.  It was Emma and Henry’s bond that did it. So I had my doubts that Henry and Parallel Ella would be the ones to break this Dark Curse.  I suspect the secret lies in a different pair.  Let’s see, it was the True Love between a mother and a son that broke the first Dark Curse.  Maybe it will be the True Love between a father and a daughter this time around?  Unless that pesky Cursed Heart issue gets in the way. That might be an issue.

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[purplesurveys]

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What are you excited for? I have a two-week break before I start midyear classes and I’m just ecstatic at the thought of finally not having any deadlines for the time being and sleeping in when I want. I enrolled for midyear though because my depression hits me the hardest during the summer, so I wanted to do something that would keep me occupied all throughout. What is your name? How nice of you to ask. I’m Robyn. Who was the last person to talk to you? Well Audrey tweeted me and that was the most recent time someone talked to me. I dunno if that counts. Are you part Irish? I am 0% Irish.  What was your last facebook status? I never post statuses on Facebook. If I do post anything it’s always a profile photo change to promote my org.

Do you find musicians or athletes more attractive? I don’t have a preference. What is your favourite colour? Pastel pink or black. Do you email often? Very often for school matters, yes. Rarely for anything else. How was your night last night? It was pretty cool! I hung out at Gab’s dorm from afternoon to evening so I could help her with 90 packages that she had to assemble, and watched BuzzFeed’s Worth It while doing that. Then we caught the Friends finale on her TV so I made her watch it and she loved it ahhhhh after that we just kind of went from channel to channel because there was nothing to watch. At around 9 PM she watched this show she’s currently following while I took a nap. All in all, solid glimpse as to how our home life would be. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I’d love to meet my maternal great-grandfather. He was a very respected and intelligent man. The only trace of him I see today is at our old house, where his library of law books and encyclopedias still exists. Do you own any action figures? I own wrestling figures.  Do you like reading? I used to go with one book every two weeks when I was younger. Since then school just kind of took all my time and I never got back to the hobby anymore. What's your favourite thing about your hometown? It’s in between the city and the mountains. It’s easier to get to either when you’re in between. What did you do over Christmas? I don’t remember...I also get hugely depressed over the Christmas season so I don’t make memories from it. When I was younger I wanted to be a: Firefighter. Do you have a lucky number? No, I don’t pick lucky anythings. How many vowels has your whole name got in it? Nine all in all. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A PowerPoint presentation that I needed to study for my broadcasting finals. Do you like cats? I like all animals but I have very little patience and enjoyment with cats. Do you have an iPod? Yeah from like a decade ago. I still have it, just as an artifact now haha. Are you wearing jeans? No I HATE jeans. I had an unplanned sleepover at a friend’s last Thursday and I had been wearing jeans, which meant I had to wear them for two days straight. In hot. Humid. Weather. It was torture and I’m never doing that again. Do you prefer nighttime or daytime? Nighttime. Have you got any piercings? Yes, my mom got my ears pierced as an infant. I’ve since damaged one of my piercings though. Is the window in your room open? A couple of them are always open in the summer. Do you own a gun? No. Do you chew on ice cubes? Not really, no. Do you hold grudges easily? Yes. I find it satisfying. Do you play any instruments? The recorder, I guess. Super lame. Have you ever thrown a surprise birthday party? I’ve participated in numerous surprise parties, but very seldom have I directly planned one myself. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? Everyone here in the Philippines gets artificial ones, so it was incredibly weird to me when I found out other cultures get real, actual trees. What's the last thing you watched? Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What websites do you go on more than others? Twitter. What is the hardest decision that you have ever had to make? Accepting that my first relationship with Gab was no more. I had been hanging on to it in the hopes that we get to mend it, but we were on different pages at the time and it was a hard pill to swallow, especially knowing that I exerted a lot of effort into trying to make it work.

Another one that I have in mind wasn’t exactly a hard decision to make per se, but answering university application forms and filling which courses I plan to take was a bold step for me and really solidified that I was going to be on my own from that time on. Private Catholic schools babysit you for 14 years, so filing out each form was a big achievement for me every time. How long ago did you take your last survey? Like 9-10 hours ago, I dunno. This morning. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? I get that a lot, mainly because that is my forte. What do you want to be when you're older? Financially stable. What colour car do your parents drive? We have two white cars and another that is blue. The latter drives me nuts, as I’ve always thought an all-white lineup looks so much nicer. Are you shy? Yep. Do you change depending on who you're with? No not really; the only difference shows when I talk to people I personally dislike. Have you ever liked someone and they were taken? I haven’t. Do you own a camera? If so, do you use it often? I’ve since given away my DSLR to my sister so no, I don’t use it anymore. My only camera is on my phone and I use that a lot instead. What's your biggest wish right now? I wish I could be guaranteed a happy and secure life in a couple of years. Do you believe in fate? Not really. Does it take a lot to make you cry? Nope. Do you have a Twitter? I do. Do you often find yourself eating just because you're bored? Ahahaha you got me. I make trips to the fridge every time there’s nothing to do. What are your worst habits? I have trichotillomania, so hair-pulling is a big aspect of my life and one that drives me nearly crazy. Would you rather be alone or in the company of other people? Depends on my mood. I love my own company, but my friends are my family. When was the last time you flew on a plane? Last month. Do you watch music videos? Not really. Do you ever wish you were someone else? I always wish I was richer, but I’ve never thought about being a particular person. Do you know much about your family tree? A fair amount. What is your favorite home-cooked meal? My maternal grandmother’s kare-kare and paternal grandmother’s crabs. Do you own an account on club penguin? LOL Do you like lemonade? No. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don't know that? A lot of my friends probably think that because I’m shy most of the time and don’t really express my feelings. But like I said, friends are my established family and I’d take a bullet for anyone I take into my circle. Who are you currently talking to? Just this survey. Is money important to you? Extremely. What are you afraid of? This is always a super broad question. Uh flying cockroaches? First person to come to your mind: The first being I thought of was my dog honestly. But since Cindy tweeted me like 30 seconds ago and the notification popped up, I remembered her first. Who was the last person to call you? My girlfriend. Is there someone you trust more than others? Yes, see above.

[angstymarshmallow]

An Afternoon In (Drake x MC)

[A little note: Wow two in one night. I finally had the chance to finish this prompt that the awesome @storiesbehindyoureyes requested. Thank you so much sweetheart, I had a blast writing. The prompt was  ‘The snowman you made is very interesting looking’ for Drake and Robyn from this list of wintery prompts . Well here it is!]

[Summary: An afternoon in makes Robyn (MC) impatient in getting Drake to go with the flow of the holiday spirit.]

[Word Count: 2744]

The holidays brought a lot of joy into Robyn’s life. Always considering Christmas one of the most magical times of the year, she enjoyed adorning their rooftops and backyard with multi-coloured lights, placing the finishing touches on their large white pine tree and most importantly – she sang Christmas carols as often as she could. It was important that she poured her heart out in nearly everything during the holidays.

Robyn didn’t grow up with the white pine tree she had now, nor did she manage stockings filled with treats. The holidays with her mother had always been sparse and empty. Now that she was older, she had a large amount of people surrounding her with love and understanding. People who considered her family and vice versa.  She knew she wouldn’t have to feel that loneliness ever again.

The holidays for her became essential for keeping those ties she had cultivated since the brief periods of living in Cordonia special – which made decorating their quaint home and spreading holiday cheer responsibilities she took seriously. She devoted the same eagerness and passion with this as she had often done with other aspects of her life.

It was a pity that Drake hadn’t quite shared similar sentiments.

Her grinch of a boyfriend preferred drifting off to sleep in the middle of unravelling and placing Christmas goodies across their home. He made excuses at nearly every attempt of skiing, and any other activity she could think in order to get them both out of the house. It was mostly the same; a polite decline or a grunt of a response, indicating to her that he hadn’t wanted to.

Simply put; Drake wanted nothing more than to ignore several holiday traditions – Cordonian, American or otherwise.

On a particularly cool December afternoon; Robyn was determined to change Drake’s outlook during the season.

It wasn’t that Drake didn’t deserve to spend the holidays however he wanted. But every end of the year begun and ended the same –she wanted to change how he thought about the holidays. Drake mostly kept to himself when they invited people over; hanging back with a good book or tinkering around the house to avoid any unwanted attention. When she encouraged him to join; he often told her he was more interested in watching. Family had always been important to him too; and nothing brought people together as much as these did.

This was her mantra when she decided that today was going to be different. Today she was going to coax Drake into finding his holiday spirit – even if that meant pushing him outside of his comfort zone.

Robyn made a vow silent to herself as she padded down the wooden stairs of their home. She would stop at nothing until they could find whatever he believed was missing – whatever took away his happiness during the winter to begin with.

She stopped at the edge of the stairs; eyes searching until they found him.

He was snuggled inside one of their larger blankets; eyes roaming quickly page after page of the book inside his lap. She caught sight of the familiar green sweater she brought him – much to her surprise, and she leaned against the stairs as she watched him.

His brow was furrowed adorably in intense concentration.

“Reading another Dean Koontz novel?”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” His eyes shot up quickly and she watched those dark pupils of his. They seemed to almost glimmer as they grew in affection. “I might as well get a good head start.” He shrugged, “since you’re inviting people tomorrow.”

“You could stand to participate more you know,” she pointed out and gestured to him. “Instead of disappearing into yourself.”

“Perish the thought.”

“Hah,” she laughed dryly. “I would but I’m rather fond of you, and being with you means accepting your ideas, no matter how much I may or may not agree with them.”

“Heh.” He paused, “how romantic.”

“What’s really romantic is the idea I’ve got planned.” she waited a beat until she saw his eyes ascend upward. “See I’ve been thinking –”

“Oh, here we go,” he interjected with a groan.

“Yes, here we go.” She repeated insistently. “I’m going to pretend that wasn’t an insult.” She trudged across the room, until she was standing directly in front of him. Placing her hand on her hips, she gave him a haughty stare. “We should go out today, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Hmm,” he inclined his head at her. “I may be listening.”

“Just you and me.” She added. She beamed at him, “isn’t that better than reading yourself to sleep?”

“I don’t know, Dean Koontz is pretty good.” He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Just you and me?” When she nodded, he closed his book shut. “Uh huh, what’s the catch Tinsley?”

She could see the wheels turning inside his head, but she kept a straight face as he stared expectantly at her. “No catch Drake.” She replied meekly. Slowly, she sashayed over to him, until she could lower herself on top of him; hips possessively pressing into his as her arms slid around his neck. “Can’t a girl just spend time with the love of her life without any ulterior motives?” She murmured smoothly.

She could feel his length, stirring against her. Her gaze slid to his lips and watched as a lazy half-smile touched his cheeks. “Only when she wants something.” He teased. Although his voice was still easy-going and aloof; his hand tried to reach for his novel.

She moved faster, grabbing his wrist she stopped him. “Oh no, you don’t.”

He scowled.

Without breaking eye contact, she brought his hand up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss by his wrist. “All I want is to spend time with you,” she was going to have to pull out the big guns for this one.

“You know much I enjoy spending time alone with you.” With careful deliberation, she trailed kisses down his wrist then all the way back up again. “And before the rest of our friends and family get here, ” She watched his eyes darken, “we should make every second count.”

She could feel his eagerness growing by her hip and instinctively she shifted intimately closer. “You know you want to.”

She heard him groan before he closed the distance between them. His kisses begun gentle but quickly moved into swifter action, they became rough – almost bruising her lips while the rest of her was left only hungry for more. She tangled her fingers inside his hair as she kissed him back, coaxing his mouth open until she felt his hands wander in between her thighs.

Breathing hard, she broke away first to bump her forehead against his.

His hold loosened on her immediately. Blinking, he stared at her incredulously.

“Mmm, as much as I’d love to strip you naked and make some new memories in this couch,” her hips shifted intimately against his a split seconds longer for emphasis. “So, what do you say, you in?”

Searching her eyes, he sighed. “You’re such a tease Tinsley,” his voice was still husky. “Such a damn tease.”

“Don’t worry, you can punish me later.” She brazenly said, winking at him.

Chuckling, he finally nodded and gave her a small smile. “Alright, lead the way then. I am at your mercy.”

Grinning, she gave him a quick peck on his nose before straightening to stand. “I like the sound of that baby.”

“I’m regretting it already.”

Taking his hand, she laughed and pulled him towards the front. She made sure to give him his coat first; knowing all too well his tendency to ignore buttoning himself properly for the cold weather outside. She slapped his hands away to button everywhere she saw open, and handed him his gloves before placing his hat on the messy top of his head.

“Thanks mom.” He raised one eyebrow sardonically as she fussed over him.

She stuck her tongue at him before turning to grab her coat. “Well if you’d just do everything like a normal human being – I wouldn’t have to fuss over you like a mother hen.”

He snorted. “Robyn, you couldn’t stop even if you tried.” His expression softened, “I just want to see you care as much about yourself as you do other people.” Before she could respond, she felt his hands touching the back of her neck as he wrapped one of her scarves together.

“Thanks,” she said sheepishly.

He responded by fixing her hat on top of her head.

Taking his hand again, Robyn opened the front door with a beaming smile. “It’s really simple Drake –”

Drake stilled beside her, nearly preventing the door from locking behind them until Robyn yanked him forward. “This isn’t what I think it is…is it?” He trailed off as his eyes widened at the mountain of snow.

“Well, since you haven’t shoveled our driveway yet – I thought we could do it together.”

-

Drake was surprised. He had expected something reckless - something as mundane as shoveling snow was so….un-Robyn that Drake had to pinch himself to guarantee this was real. What Robyn described was completely reasonable. In fact, he was a little disappointed. “Deal.”

She handed him a shovel first, then grabbed a secondary one from their garage.

Neither of them wasted any time. Digging deeply into the snow, Drake begun shoving it from off the sidewalk. Inside – the holiday season was bearable, but outside all Drake wanted to do was buy a cup of coffee and snuggle back up with his novel again.

It would seem that neither of these would happen the longer they lingered here.

He was mid-way through digging a portion by himself when he sensed something was wrong. He looked out of the corner of his eyes and noticed that Robyn had stopped shoveling. As his hackles rose in suspicion he noticed it – the white slab of death heading straight into his direction.

He deftly dodged the first snowball, and was about to shoot her cocky smile before the second one squarely landed by his jaw. It stung for a moment, as the cold snow made goosebumps grip the side of his check. He gave her a scowl, “I knew it was too good to be true.”

Robyn was dancing back and forth even before he scooped up a snowball to toss at her. She nimbly skirted out of its path and several more until one finally nicked her. She gave as much as he did; snowballs flying high in the air to pelt each other.

Two snow forts separated them, and Drake was beginning to feel his hand grow numb before he decided for a seize fire.

“You scared of losing, Drake?” Robyn called from over her side of their front lawn. She was still grinning from ear to ear as she hunched over. Her cheeks were as flushed as his felt, and her eyes danced with amusement. Even though he was pretty certain that they both had lost count, he shrugged. “What’s the point? We still have the rest of this to do.” He kept his face completely straight as he watched her develop a sigh.

After a minute passed, she dropped her snowballs and stepped from beside her fort. “Well I guess we –”

This was his opening and he didn’t hesitate in taking it. Taking a deep breath, grim determination filled him as he ran at full speed.

Robyn’s face twisted once she realized what he was doing. “Oh, no.” She was turning towards their home; hoping her legs would carry her fast enough before his body could connect with hers. But it was too late.

Before her feet could carry within more then four feet - his arms hooked around her waist, pulling insistently until they tumbled together. They landed in a tangled heap.

Drake could feel her shaking with laughter as they landed against the cold surface.

“You-you cheater!” She declared, crying out loudly in between her fits of laughter. She was gasping for air as his hands slipped into her jacket and tickled her sides.

“Sorry, say that again?!” He smirked. “I couldn’t quite hear you.” He felt a lightness inside his chest as he watched her. She was still laughing when he rolled on top of her.

“Y-you’re a cheater.” She jerked her chin up defiantly at him. “Cheaters never win.”

“From where I am, it looks like I am winning.”

She stopped speaking a second before he lowered his lips to hers. They were soft and warm, despite the frigid wind-chill, he wanted nothing more than to take her inside the moment she deepened their kiss. Eventually, he broke away long enough to grin cheekily at her. “I won.”

Smirking, Robyn didn’t comment until she hooked her hands into the side of his hips jeans. Summoning her strength, she caught him off guard by outmaneuvering his loose hold on her. Sitting on top of him, she held one of his arms possessively and a look of surprise twisted his face. “You were saying?”

Laughing, he shook his head before his lips stretched into a wide grin. “A tie?”

She lingered a moment longer before getting to her feet. “A tie.” She agreed, then whipped her head back at him as he stood. “Unless…” she looked back at the mountain of snow in front of them then back at him. “Whoever makes the best snowman wins?”

Drake didn’t respond, he simply reached for snow – hunkering down as he begun packing them one by one together.

“Hey!” She gave him an indignant stare.  “I didn’t say we could start yet!”

He gave her a pointed stare, until his lips itched to smile. “You didn’t say we couldn’t.” He was almost half-way done making the base before he realized she was still staring incredulously at him. “I suggest you start before I’m finished.”

Blinking, she shook her head ruefully before she begun packing snow together – the way he was moments ago. Truthfully; she wasn’t the best at making snowmen and usually her mother had never allowed to growing up. Now that she was on her own; she relished the joy in feeling the snow form beneath her fingertips.

She was almost half-way done when Drake stood up beside her.

His arms were folded and he glanced at her half-made snowman with a slight frown. Already he could tell it wouldn’t come out as proper as nearly every snowman should. The angle she was placing them at would collapse on itself. He hesitated to asl before thinking better of it. He didn’t want to ruin her fun. Hiding a smile, he waited until she was finished and heard her triumphant cry before helping her get to her feet.

“The snowman you made is very interesting looking.” Drake observed. He managed to keep a straight face until he watched her snowman’s head slowly slide moreover to the right side.

Her look of dismay broke him. Laughing, he slipped his hands into the sides of his pocket and watched as she bent down to desperately fix it. “Tinlsey it’s no use – you’d have to start from scratch.”

Robyn bit her bottom lip, before she turned back to pout at him. “Ah, bummer.” She sighed dejectedly.

At her look of complete defeat, Drake didn’t have the heart to tell her he won. Instead he cupped her cheeks and placed a soft kiss by her forehead. “For those couple seconds I saw it – it was the best damn snowman I’ve ever seen.”

Roybn wasn’t a fool. She knew he was trying his best efforts at comforting her from a poorly-made snowman. The gesture alone warmed her more than their kindling fire waiting back inside their home. “You’re sweet for saying that.” She smiled, “and I know your heart is in the right place. Right now.” She turned her face slightly to give both his hands a kiss.

“My heart is always in the right place when I’m with you.” Drake murmured, closing the distance once more to capture her lips again. “…Does this mean I get to punish you now?” His grin was nearly wolfish when they came up for air. “Because all of this has been giving me some ideas.”

Robyn smacked his shoulder playfully; a light blush spreading across her cheeks before she entwined her fingers with his. Together they abandoned their shovels and ventured back inside their cabin. 

_

[morethanmeetstheeyeff]

Selfish -short-

It was right.  Even though it felt wrong

I am a cheater.

It's sad to admit but it's the truth.

I wish I could convince myself that I had no idea what I was doing. I wish I could make myself believe that I don't know what I was getting myself into but I did. I was well aware the moment that Chris and I had sex that there was no going back. I made a choice and continue to do so every time I meet with Chris behind my husband's back.

My perfect loving, Husband. Who remained optimistic even after my second miscarriage. He said we're going to be fine. To not worry about it. If only it's just that fucking easy.

My husband doesn't deserve my cheating on him with Chris, but it’s too late.  I can't stop contact with Chris no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. My mind is completely addicted to him. He's my disease.

I know there’s no way to rationalize my behavior but be responsible for every deceitful word I have uttered, and every dishonest action I have committed.

And I think it’s time to choose.

But can I?

****

"Babe, are you ready?" I hear my husband, Matthew, calls from across the room.

I'm sitting in front of my vanity, getting ready for that one night of the year that I dread more than going to the gynecologist and the dentist combined. My husband’s annual Black tie affair.

I wish I didn’t have to go and watch Matt schmooze people I don’t care about. I cringed at the thought of a table full of Matt’s conspicuous co-workers and their equally pretentious wives. It’s going to take a lot of alcohol and fake smiles to get through to this night.

“I’m almost finished,” I say, reaching for my lipstick. I apply a nude-colored gloss to my lips that go well to my red Armani gown perfectly. I feel Matt coming up behind me before his hands land on my shoulders.

"Stunning." He drags my hair to the side, exposing my neck for his lips to land.

“Hmmmm,” I hum at his touch before turning in his arms to adjust his black bowtie. “You don’t look bad, yourself.”

He wraps his arms around me and draws me in close. “Our ride is ready,” he says before kissing the corner of my mouth, careful not to smudge my lip-gloss. We spend a few moments holding each other before we slip on our coats and head down to the car.

Driving through the Saturday evening traffic, we finally arrive at the newly built boutique hotel that will cater tonight festivities.

As the car makes its way through the property, I see the lush grounds illuminated with Japanese paper lanterns and the trees wrapped in winter twinkling lights. The lights are a magical contrast against the darkness of the night, and I can’t help being awed.  It’s a remarkable sight.

As I look at the twinkling lights, I try not to think about Chris. We haven’t spoken in three days. I miss him. Earlier today, I’d try to call him but he didn’t answer. He hadn’t even texted me back. I know he’s growing impatient with me but I’m not ready to make a decision about him or Matt just yet. I need more time.

After we exit the car, I right myself and adjust my long dress before being led through the glass doors and inside the lobby of the hotel. While Matt leaves my side to check our coats, I take in the decorum of guests and bite the inside of my cheek. It’s gonna be a long night.

“Shall we?”

My husband wraps his arm around my hip and guides us over to first of many interactions we will have. It isn’t long before we are mixed in with the crowd.

After we exchange some pleasantries, I excuse myself and go in search for a restroom. On my way back, I see Matt talking to a group of people. As I approach him, I put my arm around his waist and set my other hand on his stomach. I give my most flirty smile upon him as I look up into his eyes.

Just then, we heard throats clearing from behind us. Matt let out a breathy laugh and ushered me forward. "Babe, this is Dean Michaels, Chief Executive of DM Enterprise, and you've met Marcus Adams, our Senior Vice President. Gentlemen, this is my wife, Robyn." They both smiled and reach out to shake my hand politely. Dean looks at Matt and adds, “You’re a lucky man.”

“I tell her that every day.”

Giving them space, I go to the ballroom to watch couples dance to the music of the orchestra.

I’m lost in thought watching a young couple dance to a slow song when I feel someone stand next to me. I feel his warmth before I hear his voice.

“What’s got your attention?” he asks.

“Oh. I’m just taking everything in.”

"Hmm. Care to dance with your husband?"

I turn to face him, reaching for his awaiting hand, and intertwines our fingers together.

When the orchestra starts to play the next piece, “A Thousand years" I wrap my arms around Matt’s neck and his hands on my hips pull me close. We begin to move and I’m lost in everything and every thought. I lay my head on his chest and inhale his purely masculine scent.

My mind reeled at the months that have passed. Guilt came crashing down on me. Burying my face in his chest, I say, “I’m sorry.” under my breath.

He chuckled. “Sorry? For what?”

I'm sorry for the lies. I'm sorry I was never honest.  I'm sorry for being weak.

“Matt…- I “

Oh no, no.

I stop when out of the corner of my eye I see Chris. He stands in a small group, looking sharp in black tux, his bow tie undone and the top couple buttons of his white shirt open low enough to see the tattoos that adorned his chest.

His eyes finally find mine at the same time a slinky brunette slides up next to him and he wraps his arms around her waist. His eyes never stray from mine as he lowers his face to the woman’s neck and kisses her there.

My heart stops beating at the sight. Dizzying jealousy hooks its sharp claws in my chest. My stomach coils as though I’m going to be sick.

“Do you think I could get a few minutes?”

“Is everything all right, babe? You look pale.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry...  I just... I need a little breather. I’ll be back,” I let go of Matt and leave him standing on the dance floor as I rush out of the ballroom. I just need to be alone… to pull myself together, away from Matt, Chris and the pain I’m drowning in.

Finding a small room that is clearly not intended for guests’ use, I walk in and as I’m about to shut the door behind me Chris appears out of nowhere, pushing me further into the unlit room as he shuts us both inside.

“What the hell are you doing here? How fucking dare you!”

“How dare me?! How dare me - what? For ignoring your pathetic calls and then show my face at this lame ass party with a date? What is it, Robyn huh? Give me your fucking best!”

I stay quiet, as he continues to taunt me.  

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Seeing me with someone else? Ignoring you for the past three days because I’m too busy with real life than being a side nigga? Now you know what it’s like to not be wanted.”

“I never said I didn’t want you!” I yell.

“Yes, you did.” I watch him run a hand through his hair. “You told me not to push you. That you love your husband, and you gave me the sorriest excuse that I’ve ever heard…to give you a fucking time. But you know what, Robyn?” he says, an ugly smile plastered on his face, “I’m okay with your shit, but don’t expect me to wait back at my apartment for you to call me whenever you’re bored. You get to go back to your husband and play house with him, so why the fuck shouldn’t I enjoy some pussy on the side? Oh, wait, no...I’ve got it.” He smacks his forehead, “You’re the pussy on the side, right?”

I slap him across the face. My stinging hand hurts just as much as I hurt on the inside. His cruel words are like a dagger to my heart because they are true.

“How dare you!” I’m trembling in anger.

 Laughing, he just shrugs.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you. Do you hear me?” The words are torn from my chest, but I can’t stop myself from repeating them. “I hate you, I hate you!” Fisting my hands on my sides, I want to kick him, scratch him, bite him; whatever I can do to cause him pain. I want him to feel my pain. I want him to hurt just as he’s making me hurt.

As I watch Chris shrug his shoulder carelessly once more, something inside me snaps. I lunge toward him and start slapping, biting, kicking…whatever I can do to hurt him.

“YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING ASSH—”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He yells back at me as he grabs my hands forcefully and turns our bodies, pushing me against the wall.

Our chests rise and fall, breathing heavily as we stare at each other. The want, anger, and need reflected in his eyes make me want to fuck him, right here, right now. But instead, I say, “Let go of me…I need to get back to Matthew. We’re done.”

Chris lets go of my arms, urgently lift my ass in his hands and pushed our bodies closer against each other as he growls in my ear, “Hell, no. You are mine. All mine.”

As panic rises inside of me, a surge of desire so strong, I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t do anything but feel. I need Chris in my body. I need to feel his dick sliding in and out of me. I want him to fuck me hard. Giving up, I wrap my legs around his waist and let him do whatever he wants with me.

He kisses my neck, then pushes a hand inside my thong. I gasp when his fingers slide inside me, searching me, stroking me as I pulsate with want for him.

“Chris…” I whimper as I tilt my head back not caring that we could get caught. Not caring that my husband could be looking for me at this moment.

His mouth crushes mine as waves of heat and sensation crash down over us, washing the despair and shame I feel away. I kiss him back and open my mouth and legs wider for him. I can feel his erection as he grinds himself against me. Losing myself in the depths of his eyes, I hear the sound of his zipper sliding down, and of silk being torn.

One hard thrust and he’s inside me. Entering me deeply, roughly, filling me completely. Lifting my ass higher with his hands, he leans his forehead against mine as sweat begins to cover our bodies.

Look at me,” he says gruffly.  His eyes are hooded in primal need as he thrusts his cock in me repeatedly. I fight the heat that starting to build up inside of me, grinding my teeth as I try to ignore the slapping of his balls against my clit with each volatile thrust.

“Whose pussy is this?!”

I quickly shake my head, not wanting to speak as he pounded away.

“Tell me, Robyn!”

“Mmmm…”

My denial is punished in an erotic agony that shoots through my core and up my spine when Chris painfully pinches my clit between his fingers, causing me to scream out and jerk my body away from him, but he bands his one arm around my waist, locking me still in his hold. He doesn’t let up as he hisses in my ear, “Tell me,” never once faltering as he continues to pump in and out of me.

“Please,” I shriek as tears prick the back of my eyes when he pinches harder, pulling on my most sensitive part. My head drops as I release another pained cry before finally giving him the words, “It’s yours.”

“Louder!”

“It’s yours!”

“Is it?”

“Baby, yes… oh God. It’s yours! It’s fucking yours! Please.” My words, more a plea than anything else, spur him to go harder, pounding inside of me at a violent pace.

“I can feel you shaking…fuck...your pussy is so fucking tight, Robyn… you’re so close. Look at me. I want to watch your eyes when you come on my dick.”

He puts his lips next to my ear and whispers hoarsely, “Come for me, Robyn, come for me.”

I explode, losing myself in his brown gaze. Chris kisses me, smothering my cries with his mouth and he pushes himself deeper into me, his assault erupts quickly as he comes, spurting his hot sperm inside of me with a powerful grunt.

After a couple minutes pass and our breathing even out, Chris pulls out of me, making me flinch as his softening erection leaves my sore body. He zips his pants up while staring at me.

“We’re not done, do you hear me?”

I don’t say anything because I have no clue what to say at this moment, but he breaks the silence after his shirt is tucked in and his belt is buckled.

“Now go back to your husband, but don’t you forget whose cum is inside of you right now,” he says before handing me a tissue to clean myself up. In a daze, I can barely manage to look at him as I clean the sticky liquid in between my thighs.

I leave before him while he waits inside the room so that we don’t raise any suspicion. My legs are shaking from the hard grip I had on his hips as I make my way back to Matt. I am trembling and so ashamed. I can’t believe I just let Chris fuck me while my husband is in the same building, and not once did I think about him.

Not once.

As guilt tries to take over me, I try not to think of what just happened, pretending as if it never did.

When I return to the main room, Matt immediately spots me walking towards him. He looks angry from afar but by the time I reach him all I can see is despairing sadness in his eyes. He scans over my face before he asks, “You feeling better?”

“Yeah,” I breathe.

When Matt lifts his hand, I figure that he’s going to take my mine in his, but instead, it goes to his back pocket, retrieving a handkerchief. He hands it to me.

“Your lipstick is smudged,” he mutters. Then he turns and walks out of the room, leaving me standing in the middle of the ballroom, feeling all kinds of fucked up.

[faithandfairies]

Curse Confusion

Guys!

VIOLET IS GRACE! GRACE IS VIOLET! Jefferson’s daughter!

(x)

(x)

I was working out and watching “Only You” and Henry literally calls Violet “Grace”, when they’re planning on leaving Storybrooke together. As she says yes to him, he says “Grace!”, then shakes his head, looking slightly confused and repeats “Great!”

The interesting thing is that he was holding onto the crystal as this happened, a container of true love magic. 

But this tells me there is in fact a curse. It’s also clear that Henry and Violet or Grace are both under it.

The question is, who cast it?

When does Violet show up on the show?

In 5x02 as Emma and Regina are dancing with their respective partners in Camelot and Regina sneaks looks at Emma.

(x)

Regina sneaking a peak at Emma while dancing with Robin, subtly biting her lip as she does so

And it fits.

Grace and Henry were about the same age in Storybrooke due to the curse. And they seemed to be something akin to friends in Storybrooke when they were younger.

Violet also tells Henry that she lost her mother due to magic. Grace lost her mother due to magic as well. Jefferson and the Evil Queen once had a conversation where they talked about Jefferson’s job as the Hatter putting his wife in danger. And that being the reason he lost her.

The question I have then is “Is she dead? Or just lost to him? And who is she?”

It’s also interesting that Regina seemed to have had the least contact with Violet. Emma seemed to know more about her than Regina did. Regina, who is completely involved in her son’s life. It’s also interesting that no one answered Regina when she asked who Violet was. She clearly also hasn’t made the connection to Grace.

As for the curse, that also makes sense. When Emma, Regina and the gang arrive in Camelot, Arthur tells them they’ve been waiting for the savior. Like Regina wanted with Emma, Arthur also wants to get rid of the savior.

There is also the fact that casting a curse involves giving up the thing you love most.

We know that Nimue gave up Merlin, the person she loved most, in Camelot by turning him into a tree.

Similarly, Arthur forced Guinevere to give up Lancelot, the person she loved most, by pretty much casting the opposite of the Curse of Shattered Sight. Making people believe they loved who they didn’t. Tying Guinevere to him after she had already made the decision to walk away from him.

Similarly, you could also say that Hook gave up the thing he may have loved most, Emma, by telling her to move on and be happy without him. She instead, like Arthur with Guinevere, tethered Hook to her, by turning him into a Dark One, making him forget like Arthur did Guinevere.

I wonder if those may have been the real curses. And neither of them were broken.

The thing is, which did Violet fall under? Guinevere and Arthur’s curses? Or Emma and Hook’s?

Grace and Jefferson disappeared at some point after they found each other. I always assumed they were still in Storybrooke, but what if Jefferson took Grace to Camelot? And then ended up under a new curse? The question here is also, does he know he’s cursed this time as well? Even though Grace/ Violet doesn’t?

Violet did tell Henry at some point that her father told her he was actually from the real world. Connecticut, to be exact. But he also believed Violet was born in Camelot.

In Storybrooke, Jefferson was also the only other person, aside from Regina and Rumple, living under the curse, who knew he was actually living under a curse. He was also the only other person who maintained his Enchanted Forest name then.

I also have this belief that Jefferson and Robin are actually the same person. Or tell pieces of the same story. They parallel.

(x)

Jefferson holding onto Regina as Regina loses Daniel a second time

(x)

Robin holding onto Regina as Regina loses Emma

It also fits, story-wise, in the sense that Robin also told Regina that he lost his wife due to his job putting her in danger. It kind of also makes me wonder quite a bit if the lost wife may have actually been Regina. But that would make Violet/ Grace Regina’s daughter, probably, and that would just be too weird.

But then again, baby Robyn is Regina’s sister’s kid. And Robin and Regina were in a relationship. And now Wish Realm Robin and the Split Queen also are.

I hate that I don’t get this show completely. If I did I could just move on with my life. Gaaah.

I just, when was the curse everyone is under now cast? And by whom?

Was it with done by Guinevere and Arthur?

Or maybe Emma and Regina, when Emma gave up her family to become the Dark One?

Was another curse cast when Emma turned Hook dark after he let her go and she held onto him?

Then there’s the curse Hook actually cast using Nimue.

Is Violet under the first and Henry and everyone else under another? Or do all curses intersect somehow? And how many even are there at this point?

And what do I make of the fact that Grace’s newest curse name is Violet, a symbol of lesbianism? The flower that women who were interested in each other romantically gave each other? Who gave her that curse name?

(x)

Like her last curse name was Paige, or Page, like a page in a particular Storybook found locked in a closet?

(x)

And what about the fact Regina wore a pendant of a tree around her neck the entire time she was in the Enchanted Forest? Where there was actually a curse going on in Camelot of Merlin, practically the first wizard, stuck in a tree?

(x)

And what about the fact that Merlin prophesied that Arthur would heal a broken kingdom, that turned out not to be Camelot, but the Underworld? Where Regina also became the savior of the people in the Underworld. Pretty much being the person who was able to save souls there for as long as she remained? And making the hands of time move with every soul she saved? So much so that Hades wanted her dead, like she did Emma?

What do I make of the concept of twins, where one is evil one is good and where one half of the twin of the Holy Grail brought Magic to humans while the other half can destroy it?

What do I make of all these recurring themes even going so far as the warden being Sydney to Hyde’s Regina to the point that I think Hyde actually left him behind like Regina did Sydney?

What do I make of Henry saying to his mothers that every time he thinks they can be happy magic wrecks it? It’s also the episode of all Henry’s passionate rants about his family, consisting of his parents, Emma and Regina, and himself. It includes him getting mad at Emma for losing faith in Regina instead of trusting her. Something I definitely remember Emma also doing when she was the Dark One.

And since when does a portal suck you into it while it breaks the wand that created it?

Tell me, what do I make of all of this?

Most importantly, given that the clue to their still being a (forgetting) curse active, Violet, showed up at a moment where Emma and Regina were supposedly happy, dancing with Hook and Robin respectively and these curses are all about taking everyone’s happiness away, are you telling me I’m not supposed to assume that therefore Emma and Regina aren’t actually happy with Hook and Robin respectively, just cursed to be? Trying to make things work like David and Katherine tried when under their curse?

thelancer said: one thing i will say is long ago, regina took a potion that made her unable to have children so there’s no chance she could have babies and it’s, im assuming, part of why she adopted

^ Of course, there’s this.

But then again, Robin and Jefferson both said they lost their wife to magic. By then Regina was the Evil Queen. If we work with how the curses have worked, altering people’s memories and making them believe things that weren’t true, like that they’d never had children when they had, I don’t know, it could still be possible that Regina had a kid before she became the Evil Queen and became infertile, I guess. 

Just like there’s a lot of Emma’s past still that we haven’t seen, a good 8 years, between her 18th and 26th, there may be a good amount of time of Regina after Daniel’s death that we haven’t seen.

[miladylocksley]

Coming Home

For @x-wishesonfallenstars-x, this is the third and final part of my little Christmas series (I apologize it’s being published three months too late), which I have titled Where The Love Light Gleams. Again, this can be read independently as every story within this verse is set in a different realm/reality. 

This is the only one which follows canon. It deals with Robin’s return because, even though I am fully aware this won’t happen on the show, I really needed a happy ending. Established relationship between Regina x wish!Robin. 

Whenever she saw him, she couldn’t stop the tingling in her arms, the numbness at the tips of her fingers, the heat spreading to her skin, bubbling to the surface and melting every worry she’d ever had about being with him. It felt wonderful—

for however short a time.  

Because, while in some ways, they were already ten steps ahead (it seemed they had started their relationship weeks, months, earlier, which might have been technically true, for her), in many ways, being with Robin, with this Robin, was as new for her as it was for him. They were still getting to know each other. And, at the same time, they were already a family.

Some days were good and others were bad. Some days he reminded her of her soulmate and other days he was still a stranger. Some days he was affectionate and couldn’t stay away from her and other days he seemed distant and unsure of what role he played in her life.

Sometimes he did things, unconsciously, that touched her heart and made it glow red with love and hope for their future. Things that reminded Regina of the Robin she fell in love with.

Her Robin.

When he kissed her cheek in the morning when she woke up to find him trying to handle breakfast. When he read his tale in Henry’s storybook and skimmed hers and still greeted her with a smile and a tender kiss, as if none of that mattered, as if the past couldn’t change the here and now. When he patted Henry’s shoulder when he’d come home with a good grade. When she spied him singing to Robyn. When he spent too long admiring her before she left for work. When she joined him in the shower and he patiently massaged the tension out of her shoulders and washed the glass out of her hair—

and an almost automatic smile pulled on her lips, her hands reached out of their own accord, and her eyes sought the ever-present loving look he had when he saw her.

The one Robin used to have.

But that feeling was short lived. Which was ridiculous. She should be happy that he was back. She was happy.

She was happy.

She no longer had to think of him only in terms of the love she had lost. Around town, he was no longer referred to as the Mayor’s boyfriend who died. Or that man crazy enough to court the Evil Queen.

(How could he not get burned?)

He was back now. Somehow, by some miracle or wish upon a star, she had him back. She shouldn’t still be experiencing his loss.

But she was. She was happy to see him, but then she was still losing him. Everyday.

Every time she ordered a whiskey at Granny’s and looked next to her only to realize he didn’t understand the significance. Every time she woke up from nightmares and he looked uncertainly at her, not quite knowing whether he should comfort her, whether he was allowed to. Every time they were left alone and she missed the way he would take advantage of every opportunity to touch her, anywhere, just to let her know how lovely she was in his eyes.

Every time she reached for his hand and he startled, unused to her affections, even if only for a second, before grasping hers tightly. That second was enough.

Everything they’d ever shared was lost to him. Was lost to her too.

She should be glad he didn’t remember. Had no memories of losing Marian. Didn’t tense up as he used to when Zelena brought Robyn by. Didn’t retreat into himself when he stopped by her office with lunch because of memories of how he’d died to protect her. He was spared that much at least.

Because if he remembered, he wouldn’t be as caring as he’d become in the short weeks he’d known her. He’d remember how she was responsible for him losing his wife — and his son, his mother — and becoming at the mercy of a vengeful sibling’s deceit. She was the reason he died. Leaving two children behind. Leaving her son without a childhood hero and his men without the leader who had inspired them and pulled them out of a dishonorable existence.

But, still, she missed him. The real him.

It was hardest on Roland. Not that Robin wasn’t attentive, he was. He was most eager to be the father Roland needed. The father he deserved. Robin was affectionate, he listened, he cuddled, told stories, soothed scrapes, and made laughs. But they had lost their rhythm, that camaraderie that made father and son as thick as thieves. He didn’t remember the lullabies he used to sing to him or the leaves he used to draw on his wrist whenever the boy was scared (because the forest was safe and, wherever he went, it would always protect him). But Roland, despite it all, was still following him around everywhere he went. During the first few weeks of school, they couldn’t leave him for all the crying. Even now, when Roland was confused by this man who looked so much like his father, he still never wanted them to leave the house without him. Lest they never came back.

Robin was saddened at the thought that his son was more comfortable with his Merry Men than with him. She had left a mirror with them in the Enchanted Forest that connected to any one in her home. They could call whenever they wanted to see Roland or Robyn, and Roland joyfully communicated with them more often than not.

Robyn, for her part, was only responding to her father’s voice and didn’t seem to notice any difference. She adored him. She adored him so much that if he played with or pecked anyone else, she would start wailing until he gave her the attention she demanded.

If nothing else, she was glad the baby had her father back.

Even if not entirely.

But her father was in there somewhere. Henry had been right and, if Gold was to be believed, Robin’s soul hadn’t been destroyed, but simply cursed by Hades’ weapon. Doomed to float on and on, never resting, never finding peace.

Only when a wish created a physical manifestation of him, had his soul latched on to a host.

But a wish was never as rewarding as it pretended to be.  

Because it was difficult to be around him. It was difficult when he did something that reminded her of her Robin. It was difficult when he did something entirely new. And it was most difficult when he did something that unexpectedly made her appreciate him long enough to forget he actually was a version of someone else.

He was rough where Robin had been gentle, or short-fused where Robin had been patient. Robin had tolerated her anger, whereas he matched it. But he was also daring where Robin had been cautious, and his eyes held humor where Robin’s held pain and sorrow. He didn’t know loss as Robin had. Maybe that’s why on certain days, when it got to be too much for her, when Daniel or her father or even her mother haunted her memories, he didn’t know what to do, wasn’t able to offer comfort. Though he tried.

He always tried.

And she loved him for it.

He might not be someone who knew loss as she did or who’d been well versed in second chances to be willing to offer it even to her, but he was someone who saw her darkness in a way Robin never could. Robin had understood, he had forgiven it and even learned to love it. But he couldn’t have related to it as well. He had left his past behind before the darkness had truly taken hold of him as it had of her.

But this version of Robin had succumbed to it. Entirely. He had embraced it and hadn’t let go until he met a woman, a stranger, who made him believe in possibilities and dragged him to a strange land promising him new beginnings. And he had followed. He had felt something, a connection strong enough to take the leap.

Yes, it sometimes felt as if she would never stop mourning losing one only to gain another. But Robin, even when cursed, would always be able to reach her heart and she believed, in time, it wouldn’t hurt. It would be easy to love him, as he was, and not feel guilty about it.  

.

Before he died, she’d thought about what it would be like to spend Christmas with Robin. His first Christmas in Storybrooke. For him to experience all the cheer and oppressive happiness the way they had been denied during the year they spent in the Enchanted Forest because of their impending doom. She foolishly thought that when they came back from the Underworld things would settle. After facing purgatory and the most feared deity, what else could stop them from enjoying every moment they spent together? After embarking upon the most dangerous and reckless mission of all, and surviving, she’d never considered they wouldn’t even get one more day together. She hadn’t been prepared.

Yet another thing she envied Emma. Even when Emma thought she’d said goodbye to her true love, at least she’d seen it coming. At least she’d tried every thing she possibly could to get him back. Regina hadn’t. She hadn’t been able to stop it. And she thought she’d never be able to reverse it.

Until she saw him again.

And now Christmas was here and she had the chance to show it all to him. The holiday was as new to him as it had been to Robin. That excitement she’d been looking forward to — for him and the kids, never for herself — was there every day. And it caught Robin. He wanted to experience all of it. He gladly took the boys to the woods to come back with a tree, he excitedly looked up how to make ornaments — never mind that she already had a boxful — and a gingerbread house. He decorated her mansion with gold and white garlands, candy canes, and springs of holly and mistletoe in every entryway.

It was difficult to mourn what she’d lost when she got more than glimpses of it.

Roland could see it too. When in the past few weeks he’d been anxious around Robin, now he seemed over the moon. Of course all the sugary treats helped, but something had changed. Maybe it was all the talk of Christmas magic and miracles she always heard this time of year. Roland was definitely on his way to being a believer.

Henry was a wise mentor in that regard. He had shown Roland all the required movies one watched during the holidays. They had built a snowman in the park and even had a snowball fight — instigated by Robin, naturally. Henry had even shown Roland how to write his first letter to Santa and how to mail it himself.

What did you ask Santa? she’d inquired. But a wish wouldn’t come true if spoken out loud. Henry had taught him well.

The young boy was jubilant come Christmas morning, hopping in place, impatiently waiting his turn while Henry opened his gift from Robin. A typewriter. He smiled wildly and threw his arms around Robin while Roland looked on confusedly, not understanding how Henry’s new game was played. But he was quickly distracted when Regina, while holding a fussy Robyn wearing her brand new ladybug pajamas, handed him the smallest present under the tree.  

Roland rapidly tore through the paper to find a triangular box with a tiny wooden house inside, and at the bottom of the box was a piece of paper with a similar model drawn on it. A model for a tree house. A tree house, which, Roland was told when he looked up at his father, they would all build together right in their backyard. Because Roland deserved a real piece of the forest. A little bit of their old home in their new one.  

Roland screamed while clapping his hands and ran into Robin’s waiting, eager arms. He had gotten the best gift. Because as Robin stroked his son’s curls and kissed his forehead, a misty breeze emanated from his lips and, absorbing all of the room’s colors, spread to the entire house.  

Robin looked up at her in wonder and she smiled with tears in her eyes because that look wasn’t one she’d thought she’d see again.

“I knew those mean boys were lying. Santa is real, he brought back my Papa!”

With Roland still in his arms, Robin reached for her and their hands met and held onto each other, refusing to be separated again. When he pulled her closer and his lips met hers, barely a brush, only a promise, Robyn started crying and her family laughed as they peppered the little girl in kisses.

Her family.  Her world.

A world which included Robin, all of him.

All his memories, as made up as they might have been, were still real to him. The man he had been under his curse would always remain a part of him. He was both.

How blessed was she that there was so much of him to love.