morethanmeetstheeyeff - Tumblr blog

morethanmeetstheeyeff · 8 years ago

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Selfish -short-

It was right. Even though it felt wrong

I am a cheater.

It's sad to admit but it's the truth.

I wish I could convince myself that I had no idea what I was doing. I wish I could make myself believe that I don't know what I was getting myself into but I did. I was well aware the moment that Chris and I had sex that there was no going back. I made a choice and continue to do so every time I meet with Chris behind my husband's back.

My perfect loving, Husband. Who remained optimistic even after my second miscarriage. He said we're going to be fine. To not worry about it. If only it's just that fucking easy.

My husband doesn't deserve my cheating on him with Chris, but it’s too late. I can't stop contact with Chris no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. My mind is completely addicted to him. He's my disease.

I know there’s no way to rationalize my behavior but be responsible for every deceitful word I have uttered, and every dishonest action I have committed.

And I think it’s time to choose.

But can I?

****

"Babe, are you ready?" I hear my husband, Matthew, calls from across the room.

I'm sitting in front of my vanity, getting ready for that one night of the year that I dread more than going to the gynecologist and the dentist combined. My husband’s annual Black tie affair.

I wish I didn’t have to go and watch Matt schmooze people I don’t care about. I cringed at the thought of a table full of Matt’s conspicuous co-workers and their equally pretentious wives. It’s going to take a lot of alcohol and fake smiles to get through to this night.

“I’m almost finished,” I say, reaching for my lipstick. I apply a nude-colored gloss to my lips that go well to my red Armani gown perfectly. I feel Matt coming up behind me before his hands land on my shoulders.

"Stunning." He drags my hair to the side, exposing my neck for his lips to land.

“Hmmmm,” I hum at his touch before turning in his arms to adjust his black bowtie. “You don’t look bad, yourself.”

He wraps his arms around me and draws me in close. “Our ride is ready,” he says before kissing the corner of my mouth, careful not to smudge my lip-gloss. We spend a few moments holding each other before we slip on our coats and head down to the car.

Driving through the Saturday evening traffic, we finally arrive at the newly built boutique hotel that will cater tonight festivities.

As the car makes its way through the property, I see the lush grounds illuminated with Japanese paper lanterns and the trees wrapped in winter twinkling lights. The lights are a magical contrast against the darkness of the night, and I can’t help being awed. It’s a remarkable sight.

As I look at the twinkling lights, I try not to think about Chris. We haven’t spoken in three days. I miss him. Earlier today, I’d try to call him but he didn’t answer. He hadn’t even texted me back. I know he’s growing impatient with me but I’m not ready to make a decision about him or Matt just yet. I need more time.

After we exit the car, I right myself and adjust my long dress before being led through the glass doors and inside the lobby of the hotel. While Matt leaves my side to check our coats, I take in the decorum of guests and bite the inside of my cheek. It’s gonna be a long night.

“Shall we?”

My husband wraps his arm around my hip and guides us over to first of many interactions we will have. It isn’t long before we are mixed in with the crowd.

After we exchange some pleasantries, I excuse myself and go in search for a restroom. On my way back, I see Matt talking to a group of people. As I approach him, I put my arm around his waist and set my other hand on his stomach. I give my most flirty smile upon him as I look up into his eyes.

Just then, we heard throats clearing from behind us. Matt let out a breathy laugh and ushered me forward. "Babe, this is Dean Michaels, Chief Executive of DM Enterprise, and you've met Marcus Adams, our Senior Vice President. Gentlemen, this is my wife, Robyn." They both smiled and reach out to shake my hand politely. Dean looks at Matt and adds, “You’re a lucky man.”

“I tell her that every day.”

Giving them space, I go to the ballroom to watch couples dance to the music of the orchestra.

I’m lost in thought watching a young couple dance to a slow song when I feel someone stand next to me. I feel his warmth before I hear his voice.

“What’s got your attention?” he asks.

“Oh. I’m just taking everything in.”

"Hmm. Care to dance with your husband?"

I turn to face him, reaching for his awaiting hand, and intertwines our fingers together.

When the orchestra starts to play the next piece, “A Thousand years" I wrap my arms around Matt’s neck and his hands on my hips pull me close. We begin to move and I’m lost in everything and every thought. I lay my head on his chest and inhale his purely masculine scent.

My mind reeled at the months that have passed. Guilt came crashing down on me. Burying my face in his chest, I say, “I’m sorry.” under my breath.

He chuckled. “Sorry? For what?”

I'm sorry for the lies. I'm sorry I was never honest. I'm sorry for being weak.

“Matt…- I “

Oh no, no.

I stop when out of the corner of my eye I see Chris. He stands in a small group, looking sharp in black tux, his bow tie undone and the top couple buttons of his white shirt open low enough to see the tattoos that adorned his chest.

His eyes finally find mine at the same time a slinky brunette slides up next to him and he wraps his arms around her waist. His eyes never stray from mine as he lowers his face to the woman’s neck and kisses her there.

My heart stops beating at the sight. Dizzying jealousy hooks its sharp claws in my chest. My stomach coils as though I’m going to be sick.

“Do you think I could get a few minutes?”

“Is everything all right, babe? You look pale.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry... I just... I need a little breather. I’ll be back,” I let go of Matt and leave him standing on the dance floor as I rush out of the ballroom. I just need to be alone… to pull myself together, away from Matt, Chris and the pain I’m drowning in.

Finding a small room that is clearly not intended for guests’ use, I walk in and as I’m about to shut the door behind me Chris appears out of nowhere, pushing me further into the unlit room as he shuts us both inside.

“What the hell are you doing here? How fucking dare you!”

“How dare me?! How dare me - what? For ignoring your pathetic calls and then show my face at this lame ass party with a date? What is it, Robyn huh? Give me your fucking best!”

I stay quiet, as he continues to taunt me.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Seeing me with someone else? Ignoring you for the past three days because I’m too busy with real life than being a side nigga? Now you know what it’s like to not be wanted.”

“I never said I didn’t want you!” I yell.

“Yes, you did.” I watch him run a hand through his hair. “You told me not to push you. That you love your husband, and you gave me the sorriest excuse that I’ve ever heard…to give you a fucking time. But you know what, Robyn?” he says, an ugly smile plastered on his face, “I’m okay with your shit, but don’t expect me to wait back at my apartment for you to call me whenever you’re bored. You get to go back to your husband and play house with him, so why the fuck shouldn’t I enjoy some pussy on the side? Oh, wait, no...I’ve got it.” He smacks his forehead, “You’re the pussy on the side, right?”

I slap him across the face. My stinging hand hurts just as much as I hurt on the inside. His cruel words are like a dagger to my heart because they are true.

“How dare you!” I’m trembling in anger.

Laughing, he just shrugs.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you. Do you hear me?” The words are torn from my chest, but I can’t stop myself from repeating them. “I hate you, I hate you!” Fisting my hands on my sides, I want to kick him, scratch him, bite him; whatever I can do to cause him pain. I want him to feel my pain. I want him to hurt just as he’s making me hurt.

As I watch Chris shrug his shoulder carelessly once more, something inside me snaps. I lunge toward him and start slapping, biting, kicking…whatever I can do to hurt him.

“YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING ASSH—”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He yells back at me as he grabs my hands forcefully and turns our bodies, pushing me against the wall.

Our chests rise and fall, breathing heavily as we stare at each other. The want, anger, and need reflected in his eyes make me want to fuck him, right here, right now. But instead, I say, “Let go of me…I need to get back to Matthew. We’re done.”

Chris lets go of my arms, urgently lift my ass in his hands and pushed our bodies closer against each other as he growls in my ear, “Hell, no. You are mine. All mine.”

As panic rises inside of me, a surge of desire so strong, I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t do anything but feel. I need Chris in my body. I need to feel his dick sliding in and out of me. I want him to fuck me hard. Giving up, I wrap my legs around his waist and let him do whatever he wants with me.

He kisses my neck, then pushes a hand inside my thong. I gasp when his fingers slide inside me, searching me, stroking me as I pulsate with want for him.

“Chris…” I whimper as I tilt my head back not caring that we could get caught. Not caring that my husband could be looking for me at this moment.

His mouth crushes mine as waves of heat and sensation crash down over us, washing the despair and shame I feel away. I kiss him back and open my mouth and legs wider for him. I can feel his erection as he grinds himself against me. Losing myself in the depths of his eyes, I hear the sound of his zipper sliding down, and of silk being torn.

One hard thrust and he’s inside me. Entering me deeply, roughly, filling me completely. Lifting my ass higher with his hands, he leans his forehead against mine as sweat begins to cover our bodies.

Look at me,” he says gruffly. His eyes are hooded in primal need as he thrusts his cock in me repeatedly. I fight the heat that starting to build up inside of me, grinding my teeth as I try to ignore the slapping of his balls against my clit with each volatile thrust.

“Whose pussy is this?!”

I quickly shake my head, not wanting to speak as he pounded away.

“Tell me, Robyn!”

“Mmmm…”

My denial is punished in an erotic agony that shoots through my core and up my spine when Chris painfully pinches my clit between his fingers, causing me to scream out and jerk my body away from him, but he bands his one arm around my waist, locking me still in his hold. He doesn’t let up as he hisses in my ear, “Tell me,” never once faltering as he continues to pump in and out of me.

“Please,” I shriek as tears prick the back of my eyes when he pinches harder, pulling on my most sensitive part. My head drops as I release another pained cry before finally giving him the words, “It’s yours.”

“Louder!”

“It’s yours!”

“Is it?”

“Baby, yes… oh God. It’s yours! It’s fucking yours! Please.” My words, more a plea than anything else, spur him to go harder, pounding inside of me at a violent pace.

“I can feel you shaking…fuck...your pussy is so fucking tight, Robyn… you’re so close. Look at me. I want to watch your eyes when you come on my dick.”

He puts his lips next to my ear and whispers hoarsely, “Come for me, Robyn, come for me.”

I explode, losing myself in his brown gaze. Chris kisses me, smothering my cries with his mouth and he pushes himself deeper into me, his assault erupts quickly as he comes, spurting his hot sperm inside of me with a powerful grunt.

After a couple minutes pass and our breathing even out, Chris pulls out of me, making me flinch as his softening erection leaves my sore body. He zips his pants up while staring at me.

“We’re not done, do you hear me?”

I don’t say anything because I have no clue what to say at this moment, but he breaks the silence after his shirt is tucked in and his belt is buckled.

“Now go back to your husband, but don’t you forget whose cum is inside of you right now,” he says before handing me a tissue to clean myself up. In a daze, I can barely manage to look at him as I clean the sticky liquid in between my thighs.

I leave before him while he waits inside the room so that we don’t raise any suspicion. My legs are shaking from the hard grip I had on his hips as I make my way back to Matt. I am trembling and so ashamed. I can’t believe I just let Chris fuck me while my husband is in the same building, and not once did I think about him.

Not once.

As guilt tries to take over me, I try not to think of what just happened, pretending as if it never did.

When I return to the main room, Matt immediately spots me walking towards him. He looks angry from afar but by the time I reach him all I can see is despairing sadness in his eyes. He scans over my face before he asks, “You feeling better?”

“Yeah,” I breathe.

When Matt lifts his hand, I figure that he’s going to take my mine in his, but instead, it goes to his back pocket, retrieving a handkerchief. He hands it to me.

“Your lipstick is smudged,” he mutters. Then he turns and walks out of the room, leaving me standing in the middle of the ballroom, feeling all kinds of fucked up.

#chrianna #chrianna short

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