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[aperture-of-bullshit]

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[imakeficrequestsandthendisappear]

The post where I try to fix Klaus’ arc in TUA season 2

(((I guess I just am an umbrella academy blogger now)))

OKAY, so we all can agree that Klaus’s arc in season 2 (mostly with dave) was....not great. the intentions i think were good, but misguided. It started pretty good, the acting was great, but it didn’t have the lasting power. Here’s 10 things the writers should have done differently, or should do in the future (as told by me, a nobody). Yes most of this is a long Klaus x Dave shitpost 

1. Learn Basic Math:   Idk why this is so hard to fucking grasp, but Dave’s baby-faced teenager age doesn’t make any fucking sense. according to the wiki, he was born in 1939, so in 1963 he is 24 years old. the actor who played young Dave is currently 20, so was probably 19 when they filmed. 

Why? why. *instert why vine*

like yeah he’s younger, but he doesn’t need to look like a infant. The baby-est gay that ever did baby gay. it puts a weird dynamic into the whole season with Klaus. and it’s not like there isn’t someone else who can play dave....

2. Hire Cody Ray Thompson again:  ....like, I’m baffled. they’ve baffled me. This guy had one(1) job, fall in love with Klaus, and he did it with so much charm and chemistry that the whole fanbase is still quaking. he had like 2 lines. like less 3 total minutes of screen time. And we all fell in love with him cause he did so good. ((he’s also a klave stan check out his twitter))

Whyyyy couldn’t they just get him in for season? “hE’d LoOk ToO OlD” well the other kid looked too damn young. do his hair different, have him lose some bulk in the arms and shoulders, get him a k-pop skin care routine, I don’t care.

Imagine if he got to have multiple scenes with Robert Sheehan, when they had so much chemistry in just a short montage in season 1.

3. Knock it off with the homophobia: i’m not gonna talk about when Dave punches klaus it’s literally the worst part of the season. it’s not what i came here for. I want a refund. (see point 7 for notes)

4. Actually make the cult a useful part of the season: like we have hundreds of adoring klaus fans ready to do anything he tells them… could that have served a plot purpose at any point? Could that have been useful in a conflict, or some character development? No?

5. Establish the Ben possessions much earlier: probably one of the most interesting plot points from season 2 is that ben had more agency. And then 5 minutes later he didn’t. I know we have 7 main characters but did we need this many scenes with the Handler while Ben got diddly fuck until the last 2 episodes? 

6: Why Doesn’t Klaus see ghosts anymore?: like, he sees Ben. but, what about all the other ones? He got sober, does he just ignore them now? ((guys what if he conjured the spirit of JFK)) 

7: (this one’s long) Make Klaus’s arc about internal conflict, not an external conflict between him and Dave:  

Klaus is established in season 1 to be selfish, but in like a fun way. he thinks of self satisfaction before literally anything else. this comes to a head when he comes back from Vietnam and says “He was the only person I’ve ever loved more than myself” 

After this Klaus’ growth is kind of put on the back-burner for the apocalypse stuff. We never really get to see him put someone else first after that. Even when he gets sober to see Dave, it’s to fulfill his own desires. 

By season 2 his world view has shifted, he gets sober, but we need more actions toward change. he gets bored of the cult and ditches them, and he barely does anything for Ben.

(selfish but lovable)

Enter tall hunky texas boy Dave, (((who is an adult man))) who is in the closet from his homophobic family, but it’s not spelled out for us. It could be as subtle as a look, or saying a coded phrase. The audience isn’t interested in the macro-drama of 1960’s homophobia, we are interested in the micro-drama between these two characters.

Anyway, Klaus is excited to see Dave, and they like meet and have a normal conversation, where it is eventually revealed that Dave is already planning on joining the marines soon. Klaus wants to stop him but then he realizes (or Ben tells him) that if Klaus says the wrong thing (like telling Dave not to go to war) it would change the timeline and they would never meet in 1968. And for the next couple EPISODES i want Klaus to have to think about this, like it’s an actual hard decision to make. He’s a creature of habit, his instincts are selfish because he’s always been selfish, but he loves this guy so much. 

Maybe he tries bargaining, like maybe he can subtly tell Dave just enough to keep him alive, but not stop him from going to Vietnam. And Dave is rightfully confused that this person knows a lot about him, but also like… he’s kinda cute. I want weird coffee shop dates and long walks through the texas fields in the setting sun.  

But right at the deadline of “we gotta stop the apocalypse again” Klaus realizes that he can’t let Dave go to Vietnam, even if it means they never meet. Cause he loves dave like way too much to even risk it, even if it means putting his own happiness second. It’s the first truly selfless act of love Klaus does for someone. So he tells him everything, but it sounds fucking bat-shit insane and Klaus has to leave right then and there. Leaving Dave standing there like “Wtf”

Later on after the Kennedy assassination, klaus and all the hargreeves’ are named as suspects, so Dave wonders if he’s just been duped by a cult leader this whole time (but also is kinda sad about it). He enlists in the marines anyway, and this is where we stay on the season one timeline.

But speaking of time-lines…….

8. Use season 3 to retcon timeline issues: like obviously they are going to fuck around with the timeline, because of the fucking bird school and emo ben. So take this opportunity, dear writers, to figure out how Klaus’s (and everyone else’s) lives make any sense, and cut some stuff from the season 1 and season 2 timelines. (and no, Klaus and Dave never falling in love in Vietnam is not a valid choice. It’s a garbage way to make me cry.)

9: Set a whole (or most of an) episode in 1968 Vietnam: maybe this is when they are trying to fix the timeline. Idk it’s just for fanservice. They have a whole 10 episodes and they can’t give just one to klaus? bullshit.

10. (Fan Theory) Reveal that Dave was killed by the commission: the true tragedy of this romance is that if Dave lived Klaus probably wouldn’t have gone back to 2019. They might have actually lived a happy life together. But the timeline needs Klaus in 2019, to be part of and die in the apocalypse, so the commission sends someone (.....maybe not Five) out to kill his boyfriend. 

Anyway it took me so many braincells to write this post and i do not accept criticism for free, so dm for my paypal if you want to tell me this was stupid.

[shrimp-colours]

who is your favorite tua person. mine is klaus and/or five/and or vanya if you do not agree you are lying

Rating TUA characters based on no logic except my twisted own

Luther- 6/10. Season 1 Luther however- -2/10. He got a redemption arc and apologized and I love him for that.

Diego- 8/10. A Himbo (Respects women, an absolute idiot, and muscular). Makes me laugh. I love him. But he also had an obsession with JFK so....

Allison- 23/10. I love her. She has her problems, yes and we should absolutely address and talk about them. But, she also had a terrible childhood, and lost her child and then like a month later, lost her husband whom she loved with her whole entire heart. NE ways, wait for “Child Abuse in The Umbrella Academy essay” coming whenever I get around to writing it.

Klaus- 8/10. Boys got his problems. Probably not the most traumatized of them all but anyway, wait for my essay. He needs to go to therapy. Immediately.

Five- Solid 9/10. He’s an amazing character (not a good person, a good character), and deffo the most entertaining. Anyway, good plots, amazing lines, perfect chaos entity.

Ben- 9/10. He needs more of his own story, we need Ben, not Klaus and Ben. I’m just getting tired of Klaus, guest starring Ben. I want Ben, guest starring no one because Ben deserves his own plot and story and I have too many feelings.

Vanya- 8/10. She’s wonderful. Needs to hide her meds better.

The Handler- -199999938472748724/10. She’s horrible. I despise her, loathe her. With that in mind, she has the best wardrobe. She’s tall, hot, and im gay leave me alone. But she also has icky vibes. When she’s with Five she’s icky. I dont like her and Five alone.

Raymond Chestnut- It’s impossible to assign a rating to a perfect person. Good day.

Lila- 10/10. She’s amazing. Love her.

Elliot- 8/10. cant explain it.

Sissy- 10/10. She loves Harlan and does the best with the resources available to her as a woman with a son with autism in the 60s.

Carl- -199999938472748723/10. 1 point less than the Handler. Homophobic shit.

Patrick (Allisons ex)- 3/10. Don’t know him, except he was right in divorcing Allison for manipulating their daughter with powers

Claire- 8/10. I want to know her.

R*ginald Hargreeves- doesnt deserve to be on this list. Has earned the name "Veggie"/"Veginald" because vegetables suck and so does he.

Grace (Robot) Hargreeves- 7/10. She didnt have a choice on whether to stop R*ggie so she didn't.

Grace (Human)- Perfect. Absolutely beautiful. 9/10. Still went out with R*ggie.

Sparrows

Marcus- 7/10. Seems kinda cool. If he’s nice it’ll go up to 9/10. But idk if he’s nice or not so, sticking with 7.

Ben- 6/10. An asshole. But a good character, I hope.

Fei- 10/10. I love her already. Seems like a really amazing character

Alphonso- 5/10. Seems like the exact opposite of Klaus. He’s the token straight of the family.

Sloane- 9/10. I like her too. She seems really nice and if she isn’t ill hurt someone.

Jayme- 22/10. Pretty, don’t blame me im gay. But also she’s smart and scares people. I want to be her.

Christopher- 9/10. A cube!!! Awesome. But he replaced baby Vanya so -1 point.

I realize this didnt answer the question at all, but here you go. 

[darthkieduss]

Reasons I hate Fat Donnie Trump (will update frequently)

#Republican, duh. #Narcissistic Personality Order #He lost the Popular vote. #No previous political experience #Has unrealistic ideas about how to solve America's problems, such as getting Mexico to pay for a wall to keep illegal immigrants out. #Vice President is a crazy fundamentalist Christian homophobic wackjob who thinks electroshock therapy cures homosexuality and can't be alone with a woman without his wife present. #Believes in unscientific ideas such as the idea that vaccines cause autism (I am autistic so this is a bit personal) #Has made comments alluding to sexual harassment. #Can't let any slight go. Even comments made about his sign. Jeez, Obama simply shrugged off the trolls and haters. #Won't stop bitch-tweeting. #Enacted the separation of children from their parents. #Tried to ban trans folks from the military. As long as they serve our country, who cares? #Suspended CNN's press pass after some tough questioning. #Is imposing insanely high tariffs on imported goods, mostly from China. #Supports unconstitutional profiling of Muslims. #Supports killing civilians in war. “We gotta take our their families” WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? #Posted troops on the border just for political advantage in the 2018 mid-terms. #Is a shameless self-promoter. #Can't admit his own faults. #Believes he's qualified for president because he's rich (said this in 2013) #Has passed insane tax cuts for the rich, which only increase America's budget deficit and national debt. TRICKLE-DOWN NEVER WORKS. #Had to be discouraged from invading Venezuela, who hasn't done anything to us and poses no threat to us. #Gets advice from Fox News. #Pulled out the Iran deal which was working. #Thinks that the way to show strength is by being a dick. #Cheated on every one of his wives and lied about it. We impeached Bill Clinton for it. #Has increased the military budget way too much. We spend $664 BILLION on the military. It doesn't need anymore. #Claimed Obama spied on him by wiretapping the Trump towers. Provided no evidence. #When he is criticized for something, he claims “Obama started it...” *facepalm* #LIES ON A CONSTANT BASIS. I think he lies just to see what his fans will believe... #He won't admit he lost the popular vote. He says "If you deduct the illegal voters." Oh please... #Is undoing everything Obama did just because it was Obama that did it. If he could bring back Osama bin Laden, he would. #WORLD LEADERS ARE LAUGHING AT HIM AND US #He has his cabinet kiss his ass on a constant basis. #He committed campaign finance violations during the election. #He fired FBI Director Jimmy the Giant Comey just because he wouldn't swear loyalty to him and was investigating him. That’s Obstruction of Justice. #Attacked former Attorney General Jeff Sessions for not closing the Mueller investigation. #He said he wanted to lower the minimum wage back in 2015. #The infamous "Mexicans are rapists" Comment. #Attacked the late John McCain for being a Prisoner-of-War. #Gave out a Senator's cellphone number out of spite. #Blamed Megyn Kelly's tough questioning on her period. #He said "Bring back torture EVEN IF IT DOESN'T WORK". (2015) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! #Tried to have his political opponents locked up. #"Jokes" about being president-for-life. If Obama had "joked" about this, the right would've lost their shit. #Threatened martial law in Chicago. #Praised Protestant bigot Norman Peale, who only opposed JFK simply because he was Catholic. #He violated the Presidential Records Act. #One of his tax cuts gave the poor $40, the ultra-rich $940,000 #He appeals to insecure men. #He and Jeff Sessions said it is ok to discriminate against gay people. #Complains about people not respecting the flag, says the guy who molests it. #Wants North Korean-style Military Parades. #Started that Obama birth certificate bullshit... He only said Obama was born in America in 2016...when it was politically-convenient. (*cough* back-pedaling) #He believes women are beneath him. #Doesn't believe in Global Warming. #Wouldn't stop saying interrupting Clinton in the debates. #Has more in common with the criminal Richard Nixon than anyone else. (Edit: He called for an end to investigations like Tricky Dick did in ‘74) #3.2 MILLION Americans lost their health insurance in Trump's first year. #"A terror attack would help me politically bigly." or we could NOT have a terrorist attack, thank you. #Claimed he would've run into a school shooting to confront the shooter without a weapon. BULLSHIT. #His lawyers say "I can't let him testify because he can't stop lying." #His budget obliterated funding for Science, Education, EPA & labor. #He encourages Republicans to break the law. #Tweeted FAKE photos to convince his fans that the border wall is being built. #Has committed obstruction of justice. (Edit: Confirmed by Mueller) #Said he's in favor of bombing civilians. #He had the USAF bomb an antivenom medical facility in Syria. #He said he only received $1 Million from his father. HE GOT $400 Million. ANOTHER LIE. #He makes everything about himself. Even 9/11. Who makes 9/11 about himself? #Claims he's completely immune to lawsuits over constitutional violations. Nixon said that, but it didn't work for him. #He's driving us to another Great Depression. #He threatened to punish the media if they weren't nice to him. #He calls the press "The enemy of the people" when they don't kiss his ass. #He calls Sean Hannity every night. Sean Hannity is a partisan hack who wouldn't turn on a Republican president even if he found out he was using JFK's Eternal Flame to light farts. He’s so far up Trump’s ass he can taste his lunch. #He still uses his private NON-SECURE cell phone, creating HUGE National Security problems. #He admitted his attacks on the media are just to discredit negative stories. #He claims he has the power to pardon himself. NO THE HELL HE DOESN'T. #Giuliani said Trump can't testify because his memory keeps changing. #THE MOST THIN-SKINNED PRESIDENT. #He is against the protections for pre-existing conditions. HE is a pre-existing condition. #When told Kim Jong-Un is a murderer, he responded "He's a tough guy." #He says Americans should obey him like North Koreans are forced at gunpoint to obey Kim Jong-un. #He trusts brutal dictators, but not our closest allies. #He is jealous of Kim Jong-Un's absolute grip on power. #He lied about the German crime rate to justify his immigration policies. #He suggested destroying the Constitution so he can deport immigrants faster. #Authorized USING LETHAL FORCE ON UNARMED MIGRANTS!!! #Lied to the United Nations, saying poverty in America doesn't actually exist. I PERSONALLY know people who are living in poverty. #He issued a gag order to stop government employees from talking to reporters. #He said, on tape, that if Senator Elizabeth Warren proved she was Native American, he would donate $1 million to a charity of her choice. When she did, and someone pointed it out, he said "I didn't say that." Whether or not he’s obligated to pay, he said he would but now he’s saying he didn’t say it. #Says people who criticize him are a threat to America. #His trade wars have cost 100,000+ American jobs. #People who work for him tend to be convicted of crimes... #Makes slanderous lies about us Democrats. #Told German Chancellor she owes him $1 Trillion even though she doesn't him shit. #76% of the claims Trump makes during his rallies are LIES. #He has committed at least NINE impeachable offenses. #He said he believes Russian president Vladimir Putin over OUR OWN intelligence agencies. #He once said in December 2016, "Fuck the law! I don't give a fuck about the law! I want my fucking money!" #Claimed we've won the war on poverty, so let's cut food stamp programs. No we haven't. #He threatened to nuke the economy to spite China. #He said he'd drain the swamp, yet he was 86 lobbyists on his staff. #He thinks everyone else is as stupid as he is. #Corporations are PRAYING that Trump tweets us into a war. #He told a crowd "reality isn't real" so they should ignore it. #Wages have tanked after Trump's wealthy tax cut. #Nixon was guilty as hell and Trump sounds just like him. #He actually claimed you need a Picture ID to buy cereal....CEREAL...WHO IS THIS STUPID?!?! #He claimed people will die if we don't make cars less fuel efficient. #By August 2018 his lie count topped 4,200+. By May 2019, it’s now 10,000+. #His administration is now allowing more toxic asbestos into our daily lives. #His wife plagiarized Michelle Obama in a speech during the election. #He watches tapes of his rallies to marvel at his own "brilliance", if that's what you call it. More like jerking off to himself. #He said military might is more important that jobs. #He said violating ethics rules to meet with Fox news is in "the public's interest" #Discreetly called for Hillary Clinton's assassination by firearm (”Second Amendment people”) if she had won. #Claimed he would ONLY accept the results of the 2016 election IF HE WON. #Said "Let's fucking kill him" of Bashar al-Assad. Yes, Assad is a bad man, but WE DON'T ASSASSINATE PEOPLE. #He said he wants to separate migrants kids from parents INDEFINITELY. #He acted like a total ass on the 2018 9/11 anniversary. #He denies that 3,000+ Puerto Ricans died in Hurricane Maria. #Pentagon officials had to stop Trump from tweeting us into a war. #American taxpayers spent $77 MILLION on Trump's Golf trips. #Criticized Obama for golf trips...has taken more golf trips in 3 years than Obama did in 8. #Said the FBI is a "Cancer to the country". #His administration cut cancer research funding to pay for child prisons. #Puerto Rico won't get statehood simply because they were mean to him. *His administration said Planet is burning down, so let's just ruin it now. *Says he loves North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. “We fell in love”. *Talked about his dick at the debates. *He is being investigated for tax evasion and fraud. *Hates immigrants, married two Eastern European immigrant, son of a Scottish immigrant and grandson of a German immigrant. *Claimed Iraq War was wrong, yet he has increased troop numbers there. *Compared sexual assault victims to arsonists. #He denied Saudi Arabia financial interests...AFTER bragging about them. #He hasn't condemned Saudi Arabia for their murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. #He mocked decorated Navy SEAL, saying they should've gotten Osama bin Laden sooner. WHAT? #He banned 2 Million Federal workers from discussing his impeachment at work. #He demanded that he leave the G20 during the climate change discussion. #He told about skyrocketing national debt: "I won't be here." when it explodes. #Called a US Senator "The Dick". #*His hush money payments were done ILLEGALLY, with campaign cash. #His cult sent bombs to everyone he criticized. Not saying he's directly responsible but that's how cultist his fans are. #He threatened to bring Saturday Night Live to court simply for making fun of him. Awww poor baby, is someone making fun of you? Good. #Never has a president been under so much investigations except Richard Nixon. #He pulled us out of the Paris agreements. #His 2018 government shutdown lasted 35 days and was over a stupid wall. #He only works 40% of the day. He's the laziest POTUS ever. #He pulled us out of the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. HE STARTED A NEW COLD WAR. #He won’t release his taxes. If he’s got nothing to hide, why HIDE EM? #He threatened us Democrats, saying he has the support of the police, the military and “Bikers for Trump.” Bikers for Trump=BrownShirts. #Claims that windmill causes cancer and kill birds...Are you fucking kidding me? #His son Donny Douchebag got a crowd to chant “AOC sucks” like the douchebag he is. #Claimed his father was born in Germany. Fred Trump was born in NYC, how stupid can you be to not know where your parents were born... #Claims he should get 2 more years added to his term because those 2 years were “stolen” by the Mueller report. *facepalm-cringe* #He told 4 Progressive non-white Congresswomen to “Go back to where you came from”. 3 of 4 were BORN HERE, YOU FUCKING RACIST #One-uped the “go back to your country” but viciously attacking Elijah Cummings and Baltimore in a racist Twitter tirade. #Extorted the Ukrainian President to investigate Joe Biden (finally being impeached) #He's always blaming everybody else, complaining, never taking responsibility. #"I inherited a mess." You inherited millions of dollars, you whiny...little...BITCH!