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that-one-weeb-but-starwars · 3 years ago

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A ball| Tup

Note: they did not need to make him that Pretty

Warnings: no not really, just Tup and Y/n fallin in love and steamy scene at the very end but kinda not really, also this is really long

Reader: female

Part 1 | 2 (in the works)

"Checkmate," Satine spoke.

"Damn it..." Y/n muttered, hand on her chin as Satine had one yet again another game.

Satine smiled at her, as Y/n tried reading the board seeing how it had exactly happened.

"Duchess, excuse me." A guard interrupted their leisurely game outside in the guards of the castle.

"It's no problem, what seems to be the problem?" Satine questioned.

"The preparations for the ball are underway, the royal seamstress says your outfits are done and asks if you both can approve of them."

"Yes of course," Satine spoke, two more guards walking up with boxes.

"Oh. no, I'm quite okay," Y/n responded, resetting the black and clear glass pieces.

"Y/n, you are turning 19, my dear, you'll need to look presentable," Satine spoke.

"Dutchess I believe I look presentable, I'm quite comfortable like this as well," Y/n told.

"I know my sweet child, you've always been comfortable with the bare minimum, but please, let me spoil you for one day," Satine responded.

Y/n was quiet as she set the final piece down, "very well..."

Satine smiled as she stood up to look inside the box and approve the dress, Y/n sat in thought, Satine wasn't her mother, no they looked drastically different after all, Y/n had been left in a bush in the palace gardens, Satine finding the child alone and in silence, busying herself with one of the flowers. Satine had gladly kept the child inside the palace walls until a parent came along, but no one ever came and Satine was suddenly a mother.

"Mistress." The guard spoke snapping her out of thought.

"Oh uh, yes." Y/n spoke standing up from her seat, and looking at the creme outfit with barely a glance, "Yes, it's beautiful, tell the Seamstress 100 thanks."

The guard nodded covering the box as they all bowed and left, Satine frowned, "Come walk. Let's talk my daughter."

"General Skywalker, do, do we really have to go as well?" Tup questioned, droids handing them all dark blue suits almost black in color, and matte.

"Yes, Obi-Wan was double security at this event for the Dutchess, and I agree with him," Anakin spoke, "Separatist parties will be there, Duchess Satine has a knack for being able to convince people, and with Padame they're practically an unstoppable team."

"But," Tup spoke, "Sir a, a party?"

"Diplomatic party, you'll be fine Tup."

Anakin then walked away to let his boys get ready and go get himself ready.

"I look good," Fives spoke checking himself out in the mirror.

"It's nice to wear something besides armor." Hardcase commented, "Makes me feel like a civie."

"A civie that just has thousands of replicas." Dogma argued.

"Oh get the stick out your ass," Jesse argued, "We can have fun for the one time in our life on the job,"

"Hey," Kix placed a hand on Tup's shoulder, "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah," Tup spoke, "Crowds, uh aren't my thing."

"I'll make sure Rex posts you on the patio outside, you won't be around too many people then," Kix told.

"No, It's fine, I'm on the job- I'll, uh...just focus on that," Tup responded.

"Are you sure?"

Tup nodded as Kix returned the nod in understanding, going back to dressing himself, Tup went over to his bunk to dress, he'd admit, even though he was the same as everyone else in that room, he still felt shy, being a bit leaner than the others he started pulling his armor off to dress in the new outfit, simply putting the outfit over his blacks.

"What- No! Hey I want a titty window!" Fives argued.

"No," Echo demand, buttoning up his brother's shirt fixing Fives vest as well.

Tup stayed silent as he buttoned up the shirt, tucking it into the slacks and putting on the matching vest.

"OH Ho HO!" Fives whistled, "Look at Tup!"

"Yeah, thanks," Tup spoke, fixing the collar of his shirt, and pushing up the sleeves.

"Come on! Let your hair down! We're going somewhere fancy!"

"I'm good." Tup spoke

"He's way to excited for this." Dogma protested causing Tup to chuckle.

"You look nice." Tup commented.

"Uh. Yeah I guess." Dogma spoke.

The two had gotten close due to one another due to being not only regular troopers with no rank, but due to there quietness.

"OH HO HO! LOOK WHO JUST CAME IN! GENERAL TANO!"

The boys turned there head whistling playfully.

"Bad bitch is the house."

She wore a pinstrip pant suit, the lines orange on white fabric and a pair of heels. She laughed.

"We're almost there." She spoke, "Skyguy wants us on the transports now."

Tup followed suit of everyone else. Everyone doing as asked, it was odd, seeing everyone dressed up all fancy and nice.

Y/n sighed.

"Look up madame. They'll be plenty fine gentlemen there." A maid tried to pursuade, "or a woman if you'd prefer."

"Yes. I know." Y/n responded mindlessly, nose stuck in the book about game tactics, her goal to be her mother, "mhm. I've never tried that before."

The maid sighed finishing y/n's hair in the crowned braid.

"Look look beautiful."

"Mhm."

The maid frowned, and there was a knock on the door. It opened as Satine came in, the maid bowing and leaving quickly.

"You're nose still stuck in a book. You remind me much of Obi-wan."

"Is the party over yet?" Y/n questioned flipping the page.

"It hasnt even began my dear." Satine spoke, expecting a comment back Y/n kept silent sitting infront of her simple vanity it black in color and matched the bench she sat on.

Satine walked over, taking the open spot next to Y/n.

"What is wrong me dear?" Satine inquired, "You don't avidly read strategic books unless something is wrong."

Y/n sighed, marking the book with a string and setting it down.

"I. I just don't wish to go." Y/n responded.

"It is much bigger than that isn't it?" Satine refered, catching Y/n in her lie.

"I." Y/n sighed, "I am nervous."

"For what my darling?"

"People." Y/n responded, "I. This. People...it's...I dont have the skills."

"Well of course you do,"

"I've never been out the palace walls, I've never fallen in love, I've never been taken advantage of- I just- Don't know anything about people," y/n defended "I've never even seen another sential species besides the holograms and images in my books that use words. I know every launage out there but have never met there people- I-"

"Calm down, take a deep breathe." Satine soothed, "everything will be fine. I will be at your side. The whole time, and you know me. Don't you?"

Y/n nodded as Satine smiled, "You're turning 19 my dear, becoming a young woman. You can do this, and I will guide you through whatever you ask."

Y/n only nodded once more, "now. Lets put our. Pain killing heels on and make haste shall we? Guest are arriving and I'd like to introduce you to your very first group of friends, but first."

Y/n watched as Satine pulled out a box, "I had something much. Much more elaborate my birthday, but you I know. Like to keep things as simple as possible."

Y/n took the small box in hand. Opening the golden box there was a small golden crown, it reminded her of a laurel wreath, yet without as many leaves, a few littered around the gold band with a stone that was ment to set on her forehead.

"For you're love of nature a green stone." Satine spoke.

"Its beatiful, thank you." Y/n spoke softly pulling it out of its box.

"Allow me." Satine spoke, y/n handing it over and bowing her head, Satine with a smile set the item on her head.

Y/n raised her head back up, "quiet beatiful you have become."

Y/n smiled smallly, "now. Shall we make haste? To make new friends?"

Y/n nodded smally as Satine smiled.

With that they were off, y/n following Satine dressed up nice, and thanked maker for the soleless sandles given to her instead of heels.

Y/n wouldn't lie, when General Kenobi arrived as they walked out onto the royal landing pad she found no interest in him, bowing her head respectfully, she did the same with Anakin. A bit more intrigued with Ashoka, but nothing pictures hadn't depicted. A man stood next to Anakin, who was soon introduced as Captain Rex. Y/n welcomed and thanked him for coming, but besides that, she was silent during the conversation.

"Sir, apologies for interrupting."

"It's fine, Jesse go ahead," Anakin spoke, Y/n watching the man with a large tattoo on his face gave a brief report to his general as the two joined the tight group of talkers.

Y/n was intrigued with the man next to him, hair tied back in a bun as his brother in arms talked. He too seemed the silent type, staying behind Jesse's shoulder rather than next to him, it was a slight difference Y/n realized.

"Lady Y/n, these are two are some of my finest men, Jesse and Tup."

"Lady Y/n" Jesse spoke bowing his head.

"Nice to meet you," Tup spoke nervously, his hand outreached for a handshake, Jesse quickly pulling his brother's hand down who was already a nervous wreck.

"Apologies for my brother! He doesn't know how to act!" Jesse scolded elbowing Tup slightly who was already shaming himself mentally and Y/n could sense it, but Jesse was already dragging him away with an insane amount of apologies as he left.

Y/n watched as they got far enough away to where Jesse had started to drag Tup by the collar of his shirt.

"Lively bunch aren't they?" Satine questioned Y/n who nodded.

"My apologies Duchess, Lady Y/n. The 501st is not very big on tradition, and neither is there general." Obi-Wan scolded as Anakin shrugged.

"It's okay." Y/n finally spoke up, causing heads to turn, "I, um, apologizes. Duchess if I may."

"Yes, you can go ahead," Satine spoke worried for the girl as she rushed off quickly.

"Will she be okay?" Ashoka questioned.

"She has no social skills, and on top that, no friends her age," Satine spoke solemnly, "I wish to help her but she's a closed book."

"Have I got the perfect trooper for her to make friends with," Anakin responded

"You're not sending Fives or Hardcase over to her, if anyone to watch her it'll be Cody, at least he can stay on task," Obi-wan argued.

"I think me and my master have the same idea," Ashoka smirked.

"I- I'm sorry general- Me?" Tup questioned.

"Yes I need a clone with Lady Y/n at all times, and since she seems to like you after a slip up that could have cost us a whole war," Anakin spoke, "You're watching her,"

"General! I. I can't watch her! I. I. I. I have patrol!" Tup tried to argue.

"Kix is on patrol now, she's supposedly back in her room," Anakin spoke.

"Her- what!?" Tup argued.

"one of the guards will escort you thanks again."

"Wait! General!" Tup argued but he was walking away and waving to Tup happily.

"Are you the clone trooper known as Tup?" A guard asked walking up to him.

"yes, but wait a minute!-"

"This way."

Tup had no option but to follow a guard at his back and his front as they escorted him to the room. Anxiety racked his body, his hands clammy and squeezing each other as he gulped, the guards stopping and knocking.

"Mistress your escort is here."

"Oh, yes," Y/n spoke quietly, "He may come in alone."

The guards posted outside her room as Tup pushed one of the doors opened, he walked in silently and closed the door behind him carefully.

Looking straight on the large french doors were opened to a patio. Walking towards the open doors he found Y/n sitting on the floor a stack of books beside her with a chessboard by her side, her knees raised to her chest as her dress was laid out around her.

"I'm uh, your guard for the dance," Tup spoke, his thumb pressing into his palm.

"You can go back, I'm not going," Y/n told him, her mouth and jaw covered by her arms propped on her knees.

"oh, uh..." Tup spoke, not knowing what to do.

Y/n looked beside her, "You can sit, maybe you'll get in less trouble that way?"

He nodded in agreement, taking a seat on one side of the chess board. They sat in silence against the wall. Tup looking down at the pieces of the board set up on their respective sides, his clammy hands couldn't help but move a piece. Y/n looked overhearing the crystal click on the board. Looking down she picked up a piece and moved it, Tup moving his next piece without a word. Y/n looked down at the board, her legs falling from her chest and onto the ground flat as she looked over in thought. Picking up her next piece she took his pawn, setting it down on the side. As they played they could hear the talk of guests starting to come to the palace. Due to where Y/n's room was it wasn't much to hear, just the occasional burst of loud laughter.

"Ah yes! Yes!" One laughed spoke loudly, "I love the stars!"

Y/n suddenly came with an outburst the came with the man's hearty laugh, "I have loved the stars to foundly-"

"-to be fearful of the night." Tup finished moving his next piece.

Y/n's moved her gaze up softly then chuckled, "Mythology lover?"

"When I have the time, I mostly learn through tell and hear," Tup responded watching Y/n capture another piece.

It was silent again as Tup captured yet another piece, his eyes drifting over to her stack of books. Eyes glancing over the titles.

"H.P Lovecraft?" Tup questioned Y/n nodding.

"I find his stories interesting, I enjoy the horror genere as a whole." Y/n smiled moving her next peice, "do you like horror?"

Tup nodded, "I do occasionally, again hear and tell mostly."

Y/n nodded, "come with me."

Y/n stood up, walking into her room, Tup watching her.

"Come on." Y/n gestured holding out a hand for him.

He took it gently and was pulled up from his spot on the floor. Y/n led him by the hand into her room and towards a wall pushing on a certain spot a small door opened. Y/n leaned down walking through the door as Tup followed, Y/n closed the door behind them.

"Woah."

Y/n smiled, "the palace library."

"I am the only one who's ever in here." Y/n contuined.

The two walked side by side, out from the side of the room and into the center of the room. Tup turned around to speak, but he watched her pass a dusty window, the sun set passing in through cobwebs and dusty, shining on her think crown, her dress flowly and made up of multiple thin layers of fabric.

He gulped as she turned her head, stopping in her spot.

"What's wrong?"

"I," he started but stopped for a momment, "My name, its. It's Tup. I don't know if you-"

"Remember you?" Y/n questioned, "I do."

She walked up to him a hand extended, "Y/n."

He smiled as they shook hands.

"Tup." He introduced himself once again as they chuckled lightly.

They pulled away, Y/n's hands clasped infront of her.

"Well Tup its very nice to meet you again."

"Its nice to meet you too Lady Y/n."

"Lady Y/n!"

She took a quick step back from her closeness with Tup, clearing her throat.

"Oh thank maker..." the gaurd spoke under his breathe, "the duchess wishes for you to greet your guest."

Y/n nodded softly, "Well. Let's go?"

Tup nodded, the two leaving side by side in silence. They two making there way down to the main set of doors which led to the throne room.

"Lady Y/n." Obi-wan spoke, "The Duchess ask I escort you in while introduced."

"Oh." Y/n spoke looking at Tup he gave her an akwards thumb up, she chuckled and smiled at him with a nod.

Y/n smiled Obi wan extending an arm, Y/n linking arms with the Jedi General. The doors opened as they walked forward.

"Introducing Lady Y/n! Daughter of Dutchess Satine! Next in line for the throne!"

Y/n and Obi-wan walked forward people clearing a straight shot to her mother. Her and Obi-wan walked forward, feeling the stares on her she kept silent. It soon because uncomfortable, feeling the gaze more than just simple admiration or awe. She tensed as they walked making her to the steps to Satines throne. She pulled away from Obi-wan, bowing her head to her mother as she walked up, a smaller throne simplistic like how Y/n liked it and took a simple seat, she watched Tup sneak into the room carefully standing next to a man who had a medical band on his arm with his suit, before everyone started to fill the room again.

Satine stood up, she was making a speech Y/n zoned out, it was a greeting, thanking everyone personally for coming to celebrate Y/n's transition into womenhood.

"That's why I am glad to speak, Y/n's hand is extended for potential marraige candidates!"

Y/n sat up shocked, and Satine thanked everyone once again and took a seat. Everyone going back to chatting.

"Excuse me!? Marraige?" Y/n argued.

"It is a formality you do not have to marry anyone."

"Im not taking anyone into consideration," Y/n defended, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat.

"Lady Y/n-"

"No." Y/n spoke, she was beyond annoyed.

"Thank you for your time..." he spoke bowing his head and walking away heart broken.

Y/n rejected any man that came up to try and give there hand to her.

Tup watched from afar, Kix and Dogma by his side. Men contuined to go up to her and as more and more did she seemed more and more irratated. He quickly walked away from his brothers would watched him out of confusion.

Watching him walk up to the thrown he started walking up the steps.

"Y/n," Tup spoke, holding a hand out for her, "I'd like to spend time with you, perhaps a dance?"

"Hey! Buddy wait in line!" A man argued but Y/n looked at Tup thanks in her eyes.

The lighting on him seemed perfect, he back lit perfectly, his eyes holding a smile along with his lips. Y/n grabbed his hand lightly as Tup helped her up, the two walking down the stairs hand in hand.

"Thank you." Y/n spoke they now in the crowd of people.

"Seems you needed it," Tup answered as Y/n chuckled.

"To the libary?"

"Actually," Tup spoke quietly, "I'd...like to have a dance with you."

Y/n flushed, "t-that sounds good. Yeah."

It was almost on cue did everyone backed up circling people who wanted to dance, Y/n and Tup in the center of it.

"Um. Tup." Y/n spoke.

"Hm?"

"Do you know how to dance?"

"Oh. Uh." Tup spoke, "no actually, do. Do you?"

Y/n shook her head no. The two laughing together as the music started.

"Suppose we should act like we're doing and maybe we'll fall in?" Y/n laughed.

Tup smiled in return, "I suppose."

The music started as they watched other, a simple waltz. Y/n and Tup luckily able to copy others, hands which once were placed in hand on on him, soon became more intimate, fingers intertwining. Tup's hand moving from her hip to the small of her back, she leaning into his touch just a bit more.

"Not bad." Y/n spoke softly, "we're doing decent."

Tup chuckled softly in return, "I suppose us clones learn quick."

"Clone?" Y/n questioned, "you're a clone?"

Tup looked at her confused, "You. You don't know that?" He questioned confused.

"I." Y/n spoke, "I don't mean to sound, uh, Rude."

Tup frowned, maybe she was an avid clone hater?

"I um. Havent payed much attention, to your face, my apologies." Y/n spoke, a flush coming to her cheeks.

"Am I offensive?" Tup questioned.

"No. No. Not at all." Y/n spoke, "On the contrary actually. I. Find you most appealing, your. Voice and presence is quiet soothing. You're a good man."

It was Tup's turn to flush, spinning her around softly as everyone else did. Her dress picking up just the slightest at the ends. Pulling her back into his grasp, it was sudden for both of them, there chest pressed up against one another, faces close, Tup's hand now across the small of her back grabbing her other hip as he lowered her into a dip, Y/n's arm around his neck as he did.

The claps of everyone was muffled in there ears.

Tup's nose brushing against hers as he tilted his head softly, Y/n stopping him with a hand on hie jaw , and she was raised up again in a flash.

"I. Im sorry" Tup apologized, everyone still clapping as Y/n bowed to him red faced.

"I...must go." Y/n spoke quickly rushing away and into the crowd.

"Wait!" Tup called rushing after her, she rushing out the throne room.

"My lady-"

"Im quiet fine a game of tag is all." Y/n defended rushing off, the urge of wanting Tup so bad fueling her feet as she ran from him.

Tup rushed looking both ways, "Which way did she go?"

"Left sir-"

Tup rushed after her, his shoes clicking against the marble floors of the palace as he ran. Seeing her take a turn up ahead he called her name once more, following her quick steps, she rushed into her ungaurded room and closing the door behind her.

Making it to the doors he panted for a moment, soon calming his breath he knocked on the door.

"Please! Y/n I did not mean to upset you!" He begged, "I. I should have asked asked you! I should have never just jumped into it!"

Y/n quiet as she leaned against the door, her body pressed up against it to keep it closed, he seemed genuinely angered with himself, and worried for her.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Tup spoke softly, "I...just..."

Y/n stayed silent listening.

"I. Seen you for the first time walking up with my brother to report to General Skywalker..." he informed, "I had no idea someone could look so beautiful until I seen you, then. Well then we started that chess game."

Y/n's cheeks grew red as she listened, her heart starting to drop its quickly put up walls.

"You just spoke and It was beautiful. I. I'm not good with words either. I." He sighed, "I didn't realize someone like me could have so much in common with you... half the time my brothers don't like any same things as me. And we're all copies of each other."

The knot in her stomach grew as she gulped, "I. Tup. Its not that I'm mad at you."

Tup was surprised to hear an answer, "I. I think you're quiet beatiful, I. I just...I've never..."

"Y/n you do not need to explain yourself to me." Tup told her.

"Just. Let me finish." Y/n spoke calmly, "I've, well. Tup. I. I. I've never kissed anyone."

Y/n stopped waiting for a laugh, or even a 'yeah right', but she got a sincere chuckle trying to break the ice, "neither have I."

It was a surpise to Tup when the door opened softly, Y/n's flushed face being seen due to the light of the hall.

"Are you okay?" Tup questioned Y/n nodding her gaze to the floor.

"We're you being..serious?" Y/n questioned softly.

Tup nodded, growing nervous himself.

"Would you..umm. like too?" Y/n questioned, "kiss me?"

"I..um." tup spoke his face full red, "yes.."

Y/n opened up the door a bit more so he could come in, taking the hint he walked in the room dark. His eyes not having to adjust as the French doors which were uncovered let in moonlight.

Y/n closed the door quietly, locking it behind her so they'd be uninterrupted. He turned his head watching her walk towards him.

Oh maker.

They stood infront of each other nervously, refusing to make eye contact. Y/n with a shaking hand reached out her hand, her fingers dancing along his shoulder as he looked down.

"Tup. I." Y/n spoke, her other arm following her first one on the other side of his head his hands slipping onto her hips.

Nerves in a bundle they tensed in one anothers arms, faces leaning in slowly, noses brushed up against one another. A few of Tup's fingers tapped and tilted her face to the side as he tilted his own face the other way.

"Tup...Im nervous." Y/n whispered against his lips, "what happens if...if i like it too much?"

"I'll do anything you ask me..." he mummbled her hot breathe hitting his lips.

It was silent for another momment, Y/n's eyes slolwy closing as Tup's followed. They leaning in the small space as there lips pressrd against each others. The bundle of nerves melting away and falling into ribbions that slowly started to knot.

The kiss was, cute, nothing more than pressing there lips against one another and then pulled away little space between there lips, a new found hunger filled the both of them, Tup pressing forward in a much more passionate kiss, y/n kissed back, lips dancing against one another. Y/n pushed into Tup. Breathe heavy through the armature kisses. Tup mindlessly picked Y/m up, her legs wrapping around his waist as they contuined to kiss. Walking over to her bed he placed her down carefully, climbing over her body.

Kiss only breaking for air, "Do. Do you want this?" Tup questioned, things had moved awfully fast and turned into a one night stand, love filled relationship neither could explain.

Y/n nodded, "Only from you"

"Are you sure? I don't want you unsatisfied." Tup spoke honestly.

"If its you I'll never be unsatisfied." Y/n told him, the two kissing again, Tup holding his like a peice of glass under him.

"I love you." Tup whispered against her lips.

"I love you too Tup." She spoke back. Tup kissing her once more.

#tcw tup #tup x female reader #star wars tup #twc tup #tup x reader #clone trooper tup #sw tup #tcw x reader #x reader #female insert #part one

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significantfoliage · 2 years ago

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911 S3 E13

- I fucking hate bowling but I hate Jesse more, dudes gonna get his aunt pelted by bowling balls or worse

- but I Love that 17 year old who is 100% manager material!!

- the scenes where they line up what's gonna go wrong stress me out so much more than the ones where it comes out of no where 😩

- THANK GOD THE BALL GOT COVERED IN BLOOD NO ONE SEEING OR HEARING HER HAD ME STRSSED

- anyways if I was her I'd SCREAM at my sister and disown my nephew

- thank God this 17 year old was still around, I love him, he's so good!!! Maybe he can date May lol

- does insurance cover this? Cause uh. Lane 5 is Real fucked up now

- GARRETT GETS TO BE MANAGER FUXK YEAH!!!! Please fire her Jesse

- HE DID IT RIGHT AWAY GARRETT LIGHT OF MY LIFE

- yay May got into USC!! No idea what school that is cause I'm such at acronyms lol but good for her!!

- ALBERT GETTING LADIES EVEN WITH ONLY A COUCH ON LOAN, PROUD OF HIM!!!

- also okay like. They really have one fucking body type 😑 Other than I guess Carla everyone on this show is so Fit. I get it, Hollywood and I'll even accept it as purposeful for the firefighters. But can we get some damn body diversity in the rest of the recurring cast?

- SKSJSKSKSJ he didn't tell her it was just the sofa, obsessed. Albert you gotta move out 😅

- damn Megan was Hot

- Albert please don't throw shade on your older brother's romantic relationship that involved a multi country manhunt, a murder attempt, and a self defense killing. Like. You don't even know 😩

- SKSJSKSKSJ love that Chim has to have his complain to the 118 time while Buck wasn't there

- girls day!!!! Love that for Athena and May 😊

- Michael is uh. Definitely unwell.

- oh noooo not the dad and the power tools. Oh well, at least he's obviously got some knowledge of safety measures. But he didn't put them on himself 😬

- love when Buck tries to be comforting

- when they slap the doors lol

- WAS KINDA WORRIED ABOUT THE CPR, DO NOT LIKE THAT IT MADE MORE BLOOD COME OUT

- damn they're gonna kill Michael :/

- blah blah risk life every day as a cop 🙄

- bruh bruh Maddie you got so caught up in your people watching you DIDN'T LISTEN

- oh noooo something medical is about to happen, these people really can't go anywhere

- SKSJSKSKSJ THEYRE EARRINGS NOT A RING HE WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE HER A GIFT LMAOOOOOO

- UGH fucking hate people filming moment like these, there's no privacy anymore, #right to be forgotten

- aaaaaand there's the emergency

- HELL YEAH GET A HOTEL ROOM AND BONE EACH OTHERS MINDS OUT!!!

- Michael and Bobby have the weirdest relationship, I love it. They confide in each other things they won't tell anyone else but always end up arguing but tell each other things others confided in them. It's wild, I love it.

- CHIM HAS TATS???? FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

- God they're going to have like a car accident or something cliff hangy on the way home, aren't they? 👀

- Chim embracing the asshole sibling dynamic SKSJSKSKSJ yes you steal that coffee!!!

- no that's. That's a lot of cops. Is Jamal like an investigator???

- HEY WHAT THE FUXK

- HEY WAHT THE FUCK!!!!!

Well. There was not a car accident but there Was a cliff hanger AAAAA

- if it wasn't 1am I'd keep watching but. It's 1am so I Should sleep 😔

#911 #911 fox #signi watches

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feathersandfoxtails · 3 years ago

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If anyone's interested, here's the playlist I made and have been constantly changing while writing Pass Back Through the Heart.

Spotify

(hopefully that link works; I'm old and don't actually use spotify, lol)

Notes and other things under the cut:

These are vaguely in chronological order with the plot. I mostly stayed in the folk genre, as that feels very Lee to me.

Also I never listened to this while writing because I normally can't write to songs with lyrics. but I listened to it a lot while thinking about the fic. What I actually listened to while writing was the soundtrack to The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Which also has an extremely Lee feel to it.

Such a Simple Thing, Ray LaMontagne

This was a title I was considering for the fic. And I know this is the first song, but these lyrics go with chapter 11: Tell me what you're feeling I can take the pain Tell me that you mean it That you won't leave again

Tomorrow Night, Patty Griffin

Reader wondering if Lee is more than just a one night stand.

Tomorrow night will you remember what you said tonight Tomorrow night will all the thrill be gone Tomorrow night will it be just another memory Or just another song that's in my heart to linger on

My Tears Ricochet, Taylor Swift

sort of half from the reader and half from Lee, when they keep meeting unintentionally

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

The Way it Will Be, Gillian Welch

Reader being unable to say Lee's first name

I lost you awhile ago But still I don't know why I can't say your name Without a crow flying by

Old Ways, The Watson Twins

Lee thinking he can make the decision for both of them

Well you've got angel eyes But you've got devil's blood And it makes our life A futile kind of love Well he come lookin for trouble But he don't have to fight Cos he's always right He's always right And he's always on fire .

Skinny Love, Bon Iver

Is there a better break up song than this?

Tell my love to wreck it all Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

The Night We Met, Lord Huron

Reader's line from chapter one about wishing she never met Lee.

Take me back to the night we met And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you .

Child of Moving On, Caroline Smith

Reader trying to convince herself she is over Lee and also telling him that she doesn't forgive him.

I thought I forgot the way That you looked at me But you, you got it all When you left me behind When you let me go But now I'm back, Back here to let you know That what you did Ain't something I can let go of

Timbre and Trail, Dusty Heart

The daemons always knew what was up

The spirit that echoes What your heart's trying to say

Cowboy Like Me, Taylor Swift

Both the reader's and Lee's shady pasts. Yes, I needed two Taylor Swift songs on this.

You're a bandit like me Eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward And I know I'll pay for it

Desperado, Cactus Blossom

This song is just all about Lee

I'm just a desperado Down by Mexico I've been everywhere you wanna go I'm just a desperado Always been alone You're the only one who brings me home

Northern Sky, Nick Drake

Falling in love under the Aurora

I never felt magic crazy as this I never saw moons, knew the meaning of the sea I never held emotion in the palm of my hand Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree But now you're here Brighten my northern sky

I Found You, Alabama Shakes

I remember all them lonely days I traveled out on my own Then you brought me everything And you made my house a home

Such Great Heights, Iron & Wine

The other title I was considering for this fic. Flying around in the balloon.

They will see us waving from such great heights Come down now, they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away Come down now, but we'll stay

Hopeless Wanderer, Mumford & Sons

Finding love while being a traveler

So when your hope's on fire But you know your desire Don't hold a glass over the flame Don't let your heart grow cold I will call you by name I will share your road

Wherever is Your Heart, Brandi Carlile

Being together while being apart

Though your feet may take you far from me, I know Wherever is your heart I call home

#writing #music #playlist #fic #who me? procrastinating?

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pixie88 · 4 years ago

Text

Baby Shower

Chapter 7 - Together - Adam & Ellie.

A/N: This chapter is a fast forward. Rereading it seems like a filler but a fluffy filler! I’m loving my new collages!! SO PRETTY!!! I hope you like it!

Comments always welcome good or bad!

I am only tagging those who have asked to be tagged in this new series from now on as I don't want to annoying people with tags. So Let me know if you would like to be tagged and if I missed anyone sorry just let me know!

Find previous chapters HERE under Together - Adam & Ellie.

Word count: 1885

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Fluffy fluff, NSFW & adult language.

Pairings: Adam x Ellie.

Enjoy 😘

I've been home for 4 days now, I'm bored Adam is at work he wanted to stay home but I convince him that I am fine. But now? Now I'm bored! Daytime TV is awful, I decide to go for a walk. I pop into Bridezillas, Jess looks up at me as I walk into the shop "Hey Ellie! How are you feeling?" she has the most fake smile.

"Hi, I'm feeling OK, just bored!"

"I can imagine it must be just staring at 4 walls all day. Have you heard anything about what is happening to the girl that attacked you?"

"Erm, last I heard they were charging her. Adam is dealing with updates. Has it been busy?"

I don't know if it's real or fake but she gives me an apologetic look "Psycho, hopefully she'll get what's coming to her. Today has been pretty steady actually" the shop phone rings Jess smile and answers it.

I hear the shop door open and turn to greet what I thought would be a customer to be face with his 'Why aren't you resting, look' I feel like a kid being caught with her hand in the cookie jar "Ellie, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home with your feet up?"

I give him my best pouty sad face "I was bored, so I thought I'd go for a walk and just popped in. How did you know I was here?"

He gives me that grin, "I was walking back from the shop, we needed more tea at work and I saw you in here"

Jess interrupts "Ellie, are you OK to keep an eye out here for a minute or two? Amy is on her break and I need to check out back if a customers dress has been altered?"

I look over my shoulder at her "Yeah, that's fine" She smiles before rushing out the back to the stock room.

"Busted then! I was just so bored I was going to go stir crazy just watching TV"

His arms come around me, his cheek bushes mine as he whispers against my ear "I could've kept you company, but you told me to go back to work!"

I laugh, "Adam!!" I playfully swat him.

"Back thanks Ellie!" Jess calls from behind.

"Right, come on I'm taking you to lunch"

"Oooo, can we go to The Grill? I'm really feeling a chicken burger! Oh, and ice! Baby wants ice!"

He laughs, entwines his fingers through mine and pulls me towards the door "Bye Jess!" I call over

"Bye!"

We get outside "I just need to pop these into the office" we walk over to his office, we get out the front then I freeze on the spot.

Adam turns to look at me, then it clicks and his face turns to concern "Ellie, beautiful! I'm sorry! You know what I'll leave these here and tell Rob there outside. Don't worry I won't let anyone hurt you or Charlie! I promise! Let's get you some lunch"

~*~*~*~

After lunch Adam drops me home, I'm looking round the spare bedroom we emptied a few weeks ago. We have the paint, furniture, and furnishings. Nina and Al decided to stay another week after my incident with Laura. I give Nina a text, half an hour later, Al and Nina arrive "Ellie, let's get start on this room" Nina rushes me upstairs. She paints not letting me help and Al puts together the furniture.

I hear my phone.

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Hey yummy mummy, I hope you're at home resting! I will grab you a couple of bags of ice on the way home! x]

[Hi my gorgeous husband, I am! I've just grabbed one of your hoodies while the heating is heating up as I'm cold. I will send a photo as proof haha! You know how to make a girl happy, I just finished the bag we got at lunch :( xx]

I take a kissy-pouty face photo with his white hoodie in my hand to throw him off and hit send.

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Beautiful! Probably all that ice you've eaten that's made you cold. OK, I'll get 4 bags might last until tomorrow at least. x]

[Haha, it probs is! I might get in bed until I warm up. Not a bad craving to have, can't put on weight eating ice! haha. We will see you later xx]

Later I'm just putting the vacuum round Charlie new bedroom, Nina and Al have, left as they have plans with Elaine.

"Ellie? Gorgeous? Are you here?"

I hear him call out as he comes in for work "I'm up here! Come up!" I call down, I rush out of the room and close the door.

He reaches the top of the stairs and turns to me "There you are!"

"I have a surprise for you!"

He narrow his eyes at me "Would it have anything to do with that paint on, your forehead?"

I touch my head (Crap!) "Ellie, what have you been up to?"

"Come here, cover your eyes and follow me!" I pull him with me as I open the door "You can't open your eyes until say!"

He grins, I pull him further into the room "Open them!"

He opens his eyes and looks round the room "Ellie, Wow! This is amazing!" he has the brightest smile, "Wait, you didn't lift that furniture did you?"

I laugh "No, of course not. I got your mum and dad to help. Your dad put everything together your mum painted the walls, I did offer to help but she would only let me make teas"

He wraps his arms around me "Ellie, it's perfect!" he claims my lips with his "Now, let me make you dinner!"

"No, Adam I'll make it! You've been at work all day"

He cups my face "And you're pregnant and came home only 4 days ago! I'm cooking no arguments" he kisses my lips softly. I know there's not point in protesting.

~*~*~*~

4 Weeks later.

He clutches my hips as I'm bouncing up and down him "Fuck baby! That's it ride me!" he pushes off the bed and sits up as pulls me to his lips.

I grasp his lip between my teeth, he groans and I let go before his lips kiss along my pulse line. He moves his hips up burying himself further into me "Yes! That's it! Oh!!" a wave of pleasure explodes between my legs and I hit my climax.

He drives into me a few more times before he hits his own.

I collapse onto him, he wraps me up into his arms "Do you have to go to work today?" I put on my pouty face.

He chuckles "Not had enough?"

I shook my head, "You will have so much more fun with me" I wink.

"I would but I'm busy at work" he kisses me gently before getting out of bed, he turns "But you can always join me in the shower!" he winks. I jump up, and he pulls me towards the bathroom with him.

After our shower we are in the bedroom getting dressed, I'm sat on the bed when I feel a flutter in my tummy (That's new) I rest a hand against my bump and I feel it "Adam!! He's kicking!" He spins round and rushes over to me, I take his hand and place it where I felt the kick.

*Kick!*

Adam felt it, his face lights up "He kicked!" then another and another. "Oh wow! This is amazing Ellie!" Adam's phone rings and rings and rings "Rob, what's up?...Yeah, of course. OK, I'll be right there!" he hangs up "I've got to go. I love you...the both of you" he kisses my cheek then my bump.

"We'll see you later!" I smile.

I have today off as Amy needed to swap days. Mum has invited me to lunch at the club, I take the train into the city centre.

[Hey husband! <<I don't think I'll ever get bored of calling you that! 5 weeks tomorrow you made me your proud wife! How's work? Not working to hard I hope?! You'll need your energy for later ;) Just on my way to mum's club for lunch. x]

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Hello my beautiful wife < I won't get bored of calling you that either xx. Wow, feels like yesterday! Yeah, work is fine muddling through. Oh, will I now? Why would that be!? Have fun and think of me stuck here! xx]

[Good because that's my title until I'm 6 feet under! haha. Aww just think we could be in bed sweating, panting and screaming each others names...but you chose work. Because I plan you for you to fuck me all night! haha! x]

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[That won't be for a long time yet! Fuck picturing it now *boxers feeling tight!* I won't make that mistake again. I plan to keep you in bed until you're sore ;) I need to get back to work. I love you both xx]

[I could've helped with that....but I can't now. You better not!!!!!!!! Ooooh looking forward to it. We love you too x]

~*~*~*~

I get to the club and head inside.

*SURPRISE!*

I look around the room is decorated in blue balloons, it's a boy and baby shower banners! Everyone is here my mum, Tom, Amy, Justin, Elaine, Nina, Kerry and Adam. My emotions get the better of me and I burst into tears.

Mum rushes over to me "Oh, El's this was supposed to have the opposite effect"

I smell his aftershave then feel his arms wrap around me "Hey beautiful! No tears!"

I smile through the tears, he cups my face and wipes them away "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting this! It's such a lovely gesture!" I apologize.

I dry my tears and Adam leads me to a table "Was this your doing? I thought you were busy?"

"Hey Ellie, You can cry if your want to 1. it's your party and 2. you're pregnant, you can be emotional and no one can question it" Elaine calls over.

He gives me a smug smile, "I had to make you believe that because I needed to get here to help your mum. Do you really think I would have turned down a day in bed with you for work?"

I laugh, "I'll remember that next time! Your mum is here! She's racking up some air miles"

"When Mel mentioned it to me a few months ago I had a word with mum. I said she didn't need to come down, but she wanted to. I think she likes you more than me," he laughs, "But seriously she wants to be here in her words 'Adam don't be so silly this is my first grandchild I'm going to get on the first plane for everything, the birth, their first steps etc'"

I laugh, "Bless her!"

Later after gifts and food. I'm catching up with Tom "How are you feeling El's?"

"Like an emotional hippo!" He laughs, "So, it looks like you and Justin are over your little spat?"

"Yeah, El's there's something I need to tell you," he gives me a look I can't read.

"What? What is it?"

"El's, come on let's cut the cake!" Mum pulls me away before Tom can answer. (What does he want to tell me?)

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 8.

@lem-20 @khoicesbyk @aussieez @shewillreadyou @txemrn @irisofpurple

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murderingpieceofshit · 3 years ago

Text

The Wrath of God, Ch. 1: Roadtrip

by @finney13s

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: General, M/M Fandoms: Preacher (TV) Relationships: Proinsias Cassidy/Eccarius Characters: Proinsias Cassidy, Eccarius, Jesse Custer Additional Tags: Domestic fluff Author's notes: This story is still evolving. Rating, warnings, characters, relationships and tags are due to change as the story continues so check them before reading.

"The Wrath of God" is the 2nd part of "The Chronicles of Cassidy and Eccarius"

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7]

Summary: Even though Eccarius had solemnly swore that he wouldn't try to pursue Les Enfants or killing people (or other vampires for that matter) Cassidy wasn't still fully convinced. It wasn't guaranteed that Eccarius wouldn't get tempted to fall to his old ways. Cassidy had to come up with something to get Eccarius distracted of his temptations and concentrate on something else.

[A short clip below the cut as the whole chapter won't fit into one post here, read the full story on AO3]

Raindrops drummed the roof in the hot New Orleans night. Cassidy and Eccarius were laying in their extra large coffin after having sex, spent and sweaty listening to the rainfall. Cassidy was resting his head on Eccarius' chest and playing with Eccarius' black hair.

”Ay, what do you think if we took off for a while?” Cassidy asked. ”Where would we go?” Eccarius replied sleepily. ”New Orleans has everything we could ever need. Why would we want to leave anywhere? Not to mention it is a nuisance to travel like normal people when you could travel among the stars...” ”Why don't ya first listen to what I have to say and then make up yer mind!” Cassidy interrupted annoyed. Eccarius turned his gaze to Cassidy and his face softened. “I apologize, my love. Please, go on.” ”I was thinking that we could take a road trip. You know, you and me” Cassidy said and paused. Then he continued: ”And Jesse and Tulip.” Eccarius frowned. ” With Jesse and Tulip? I thought they both hated me for stealing you from them?” ”No they don't hate you for that. They never did. And besides, you didn't steal me from anyone” Cassidy said and got up to sit and turned to look at Eccarius. ”But they're... vary of you. You have killed a lot of people and you haven't been the most reliable person in the history of mankind, you know. They do have a good reason for not trusting you." Eccarius turned his head to look out the window and sighed. After a while he said: "I suppose I deserve that.” They stayed in silence for a moment, then Eccarius continued turning his head back to Cassidy: “Maybe they could change their mind if they spent some time with me? Got to know the new me?" ”That's more like it”, Cassidy said and smiled. ”We could leave tomorrow morning.” Eccarius' eyes grew wide. "Tomorrow morning? Are you mad?" he asked astonished. Then he narrowed his eyes and continued with a smirk: "You cheeky man. Tell me you haven't planned all this without consulting me first?” ”Erm... I kinda thought this would be a nice surprise, ay?” Cassidy said sheepishly. ”Oh well, I guess we don't have anything better to do” Eccarius sighed. “Come here, my love” he said and pulled Cassidy back into his arms. They laid there for a moment snuggling. Suddenly Eccarius froze. ”What am I going to wear? What are WE going to wear? We can't get any new clothes by tomorrow morning. I have to find something to wear for the trip!” he moaned and got up shuffling to his wardrobe naked and opened the massive doors fully open. Cassidy sat back up. “Well, at least the scenery is nice” he chuckled admiring Eccarius' buttocks. “Cassidy, this is serious” Eccarius shot back rummaging around his closet “I have an image to maintain. I can't just go out there, I need to plan these things!” Cassidy dropped himself back down and laughed: "You're insufferable!” “Well, you do like my sexy pirate look, don't you, hmm?” Eccarius replied and looked at his image in the mirror holding hangers with two coats in front of him and trying to decide which one he would choose.

Cassidy had fell asleep at some point and woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. Which was odd as Eccarius didn't usually make coffee. His go-to breakfast was a chalice of blood, first warmed to human body temperature in bain-marie. He was very specific about it so coffee made Cass curious. He got up, put on Eccarius' frilled black morning gown which was too short for him - but he didn't care as it smelled like Eccarius - and went downstairs.

Eccarius was sitting by the kitchen table dressed on point and making notes and taking sips from a steaming mug of coffee. ”Well, good morning sunshine” he said cheerily and toasted his coffee. ”I have packed our luggage and we are ready to go.” ”What the hell do you mean?” Cassidy muttered trying to wipe the remains of deep sleep from his eyes. ”We are fully equipped for all occasions and any weather” Eccarius said and got up. ”I just made final checks and we are ready to go.” ”Christ. Did you sleep at all last night?" Cassidy said and poured himself a large mug of coffee. "You know you get a tad hyper when you don't get yer full night sleep" he continued and turned to lean on the counter. Eccarius got up and spoke as he walked to the hall. ”I was up all night making sure you and I have outfits for all possible situations. We do have to reuse some costumes in some occasions but I'm willing to do that this time as we probably won't stay in the same location for long. Am I right?” Then from the hall he yelled: ”Besides, I am not hyper. I am, and I am using your own words here, a highly functioning maniac." ”Yes that's exactly what I'm worried about” Cassidy sighed to himself closing his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. Then he shook his head and thought as if to remind himself, once again, why he was there in the first place “I have chosen this man myself and he comes with flaws 'n frills 'n all. At this time of day it is mostly flaws, but I have chosen that myself, too.” Eccarius came back to the kitchen and stood at the doorway. "So when do the chariots arrive?" he asked excitedly. Cassidy took a good look at him and frowned. ”Hold on. Yer seriously wearing that for a road trip?” he asked when he saw Eccarius wearing his best golden embroidered silk suit. ”Yes, why should I not?” Eccarius asked baffled and looked at himself. ”It's kinda in the name of the thing, you know – road trip. You drive a car on a road. Yer going to sit in the hot backseat for a long time. Are ya sure you can manage it in that? Not getting too hot and bothered?” Cassidy winked and smirked. "Well, if I remember last night correctly you did state that you enjoy my scenery without any clothes." Eccarius smiled. "And I can take my top coat off if it makes you feel any better. But if I got to worry about you getting all excited over it I might then just have to keep it on" he smirked and shook his finger at Cassidy. ”Ay, come 'ere my pirate man” Cassidy said softly, put down his mug and spread his hands. Eccarius walked to Cass and they hugged tightly. "You know, I had never a proper wardrobe before. Now I have more than ten sets of every possible rag there is and I don't even know if I'll ever have the possibility to wear 'em all." Cassidy laughed. "Well, sir, I must show my love somehow and let the world know that you are all mine" Eccarius replied and kissed Cass.

[Read the the rest on AO3]

#preacher amc #preacher fan fiction #preacher fanfic #cassidy #proinsias cassidy #Eccarius #Cassidy x Eccarius #fan fiction #joe gilgun #adam croasdell #the chronicles of cassidy and eccarius #preacher

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faythelyse · 4 years ago

Text

Joji x Reader {female reader} Apocalyptic Setting <Part One>

The sound of your closest friends baby jolts you awake. You had fallen asleep sitting up in a chair near the window. You stand and stretch for a moment before walking into the kitchen. Jessica meets you at the doorway to the kitchen.

"We're officially out of food." She bounces her daughter on her knee.

"Alright, I'll grab Ashlee and we can hit that up this place we noticed coming back from our last haul. It looked like a department store or something. I have an extra cheese stick in my bag if Jade is hungry."

Jessica knods and sighs. You knew saving that cheese stick was a good call. After grabbing the snack for Jade you head to the garage where Ashlee was working on the truck we scored a few months ago. Ashlee notices you enter and slams her hand on the top. "We still need some gas for this bad boy!"

"No time like the present to go look for some?!" You add expecting a negative response.

Ashlees face turned sour. "We're out of food."

"Yep. You going."

"Well of course, but we just went on a trip 3 days ago. Those rations were supposed to last a week. Jess eats like a fucking pig." Ashlee starts throwing her gloves off onto the desk and prepares a bag for the emergency food trip we are underprepared for in all honesty.

"How much ammo do we have left?"

Ashlee sighs heavily "We were low last trip. We might have 5 or 6 shells left for the shotgun."

"And the handgun?" You interject.

"Fifteen." Ashlee finishes packing up leaving the shotgun for me to take. "I'm gonna take a smoke break. Meet me out front when your ready to roll." She puts the cigarette in her mouth and walks out.

Grabbing the gun you quickly head for your room to gather the essentials. Outside Ashlee was taking the last drag off her cigarette before flicking it to the road. I stare at the bikes in front of us wishing we had gas for the truck. "Jesus christ I hate these bikes, I'm wore out by the time we get to wherever we're going." Ashlee smiles. "Soon Y/N" Ashlee closes her eyes and daydreams for a moment. Imagining life with a car again.

About halfway there we stop and scout a bit. Make sure no one is out and about before we pull closer into this town.

Right on the edge of town we leave our bikes locked to a tree behind a small abandoned house. It was a soft pink color. It somewhat stood out making it easier to remember where we left our things. We chat quietly while making our way to a large department store.

The store was huge. The sign had fallen partially. A corner of the building was also caving in. Jessica, never going out on many supply trips didn't always realize the danger she put Ashlee and I in on a somewhat regular basis. Although we have become better at it over time.

As we arrived at the doors we became silent. Searching for any possible noises or animals that could get us in worse trouble than we were already putting ourselves in. Instead of going in through the front we found a side door that appeared quieter to open. Upon entering we were stunned to see lots of stuff still on the shelves. Why had this store not been hit so badly by looters. Shocked by the nostalgia and childlike joy we let our gaurd down. We casually walked down aisles and shared past memories that seemed insignificant then. We would give anything to be able to visit a store normally again. Buy a new dress to wear for date night or some shit.

"Holy shit, they have mother fucking WINE!!!"

Ashlee was almost in tears, and I couldn't contain my smile. We packed as many as we could. We still needed room for actual food.

Just then we both heard a single gunshot so we dropped immediately to the floor as quickly as possible. Readying our guns we slowly get up and sneak closer to the back of the store where the gun had fired. There is a hallway that leads back to the bathrooms and what I assume might be the head office or the workers lounge area. We see a shadow at first emerging from the hallway. We aim thinking it could be one of the infected, but it was just a man. He pulled out a walkie telling someone on the other end he's fine. Ashlee and I are frozen for a minute. We hadn't seen people in a long time. Hell it's even been awhile since we've seen an infected. They have been sparce lately. Probably just spreading out more. Although we weren't a very populated area anyway. Ashlee whispers "What do we do, ignore them?" I shrug not knowing myself. It would be risky to assume they are friendly. And if they were to rob us we would be left with nothing. Another man runs up, he has a large backpack on. Ashlee and I locked eyes for a moment. We had the same idea to potentially rob this man. I shake my head. "Maybe they will trade?" I whisper.

Ashlee shakes her head in disbelief that they would consider trading. We had not glanced back at the men for a minute, when we turned back to check on them they were gone. I turn back and shrug, if they were gone then we had no further issue. Ashlee and I nod knowing we should get a move on and wrap this up before we get spotted. While crouching we slowly walk around the nearest aisle where we are met face to face with the two men we had just spotted. Both shocked we all immediately stand, but none of us draw a weapon. After a solid 30 seconds of no speaking just staring I speak up

" We really just need to grab some food, we won't be any trouble." It was then that I noticed one of them was injured.

"You're hurt?" I said softly. Ashlee also softened her expression when she noticed the wound. Ashlee broke her silence as well, "Y/N is a healer of sorts, maybe we can help."

Ashlee and I are both suckers for wanting to help. The man with big sad brown eyes looked at me with some hope.

"Can you really hel-ehp" he stopped abruptly and grabbed the wound on his side that started to soak through his thick green coat. I couldn't tell the severity of it, I didn't want him to die though, so in the moment I just decided to say yes. His friend went alongside him to help support him. "My name is Ben" He proceeded to shake Ashlees hand and then my own. "This is George, nice to meet you. We were here looking for medical supplies, if you could help us out we would pay you back some how. Whatever you need, I promise. We'll work it off."

"I'm not a real doctor or anything man. I just started learning this stuff since the world went to shit. I've practiced on dogs, and cats, a few humans. Nothing too crazy. I've become pretty decent at sew up jobs. I just promise to do my best to help. If something goes wrong I just cant have you blaming me."

Ben smiled "Listen, its not like im going to find some heart surgeon out here. Anything you can do to help is better than whatever I could come up with."

Ashlee walks up to the other side of George and throws his arm over her neck. "I'll help walk him to the bikes."

I nod and quickly grab everything i can that is edible, even found a few seed packets. Elena will be stoked to add these to her garden.

We biked back to our little community that cosisted of 2 houses that have been conjoined by fencing in the two. Its somewhat protected by being hidden in the many trees that surround our community.

Jessica was sitting smoking outside. As she saw us pull up with two strangers she looked worried. I held up my hand to show her everything was okay and waved. We brought George in and laid him in a spare room we had set up for me to work on anyone who had been hurt. There was no bed, only a futon mattress had been laid on the floor.

"Set him down gently." Ben whispered.

Ashlee had a worried expression, I could tell she was worried about the blood loss. He appeared paler than before. I sat down and started preparing my equipment as fast as possible and urged Ashlee to grab some other things I needed.

As I neared being finished with sterilizing the needle I told everyone to leave the room. I can never concentrate while people watch. I had assumed George was knocked out when I reached down to start removing his jacket he grabbed my wrist.

"This is going to fucking hurt isn't it." He breathed. I nodded. I had nothing to numb him. Then I remembered the extra wine Ashlee and I had discovered. We had grabbed six bottles. I pulled out a bottle and handed it to George. He glanced it over.

"For the pain?"

"For the pain." I said as took it back from him to open it. After opening I asked if he would like a cup.

"Bottles fine, lets get this over with." He started to shrug off his jacket exposing the large gash on his side. Hopefully he hadn't punctured an organ or something I couldn't fix.

He took 3 large drinks and motioned for me to come to him. I started cleaning the wound to the best of my ability with what we had. It was time to start sewing. Sewing still makes me nervous.

I was ready to pierce skin when he interrupted.

"Do you have anything to bite on?"

I took the belt that was around my waist wrapped it up and handed it to him. He bit down and nodded to show he was ready.

I started and his eyes rolled back into his head, I kept going. I wanted this to be over as fast as possible. He started making a few small shrieks here and there but he was toughing it out rather well I thought.

As I was getting to the last few stitches his hand found my leg and grabbed it tightly. I felt horrible for causing him so much pain.

I started to just mumble I'm sorry over and over again until I had finally finished. His head fell back onto the pillow in exhaustion and agony. I leaned up and pressed my hand to his forehead and face and apologized some more. Trying to gauge how well he was actually doing. I stopped myself and realized I needed to finish by covering it with a bandage. I grabbed clean cloth from the cabinet and bandaged him. I look at him for a moment. I should grab his friend and let him know I've finished. He probably wants to wait with him until he wakes up. As I struggle to stand back up George's hand grabs mine and squeezes. I squeeze back giving him reasurrence, and leave to confront everyone.

Ben steps up to me immediately as i exit the room.

"What's the damage, is he cool? Are we good?"

I could tell he was nervous about the answer.

"I'm not sure yet honestly, he's all stiched up. He's also still alive and lucid which is a good sign. It's going to take a long time to heal. Maybe a month or two. It also needs to stay clean and free of infection. I recommend staying here until he's fully healed. Ben seemed pleased with my answers "Can I go see him now?" I nodded and he rushed in.

Ashlee pulled me to the side. "You reccomend they stay for two months?"

"Yes, that was my recommendation. He was hurt prerty bad, he shouldn't be moving at all for atleast 3 weeks. I think we should just chill. As long as he heals well, we could use their help."

Ashlee crosses her arms. "This is risky, but Im with you. It's nice to have new faces around."

"I agree" I smile, feeling slightly better that I may have saved someone's life.

#jojixreader #x reader #fanfiction #joji #f #female reader

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Hi, sorry if this wasn't the right way to go about this, but I thought it would be more awkward/worse for you to stop the conversation if I approached you in person Jac: but if you're open to it, I'd like to talk Amelia: What is there to say? Jac: From my perspective, a lot Jac: but mainly an apology, if that's all I get to say Amelia: I already know you're sorry, it's been all over for ages, I don't need to hear it Jac: Well you don't know that, I never said it Amelia: you've never said a lot of things, I'm still well aware Jac: That's how miscommunication and misunderstanding happens Jac: you can still not need or want to hear it but you don't know anything that I didn't tell you Amelia: okay Jac: I can confirm any ideas you have, if you would like Jac: but the main reason I want to talk is to apologize for the ways I behaved, and treated you Amelia: well, say whatever you want to say then Jac: Alright Jac: I should never have started anything with you Jac: it was never fair Jac: and continuing it for how long I did was worse Amelia: No you shouldn't, neither should I Jac: I can see how it was harder for you to make a better decision though Jac: given your feelings Amelia: that's no excuse, and I'm not interested in giving myself an out Amelia: I should've made better choices because of how much I cared about you, it's worse if anything Jac: Okay, you don't have to, but I certainly don't hold it against you Jac: you were still coming from a place of care, even if misguided, I wasn't Amelia: it's not comforting Amelia: I was coming from a selfish place, I know that, whatever you think Jac: Alright, it doesn't need to be comforting, I'm just letting you know Jac: there's no need or reason that I feel for me to blame you Jac: but I need to say sorry, for that, and for how we ended things before that Amelia: No you don't, because I'm not just a fucking lose end for you to tie up before you leave Jac: That isn't what it is Jac: I owe apologies Amelia: you don't owe me anything Amelia: we ended things ages ago Jac: that doesn't mean anything Jac: I still wronged you and never owned up to those things Amelia: it means getting into it isn't something I want to do because I've tried really hard to get over it Jac: Then we don't have to Amelia: I'm looking forward, not backwards Amelia: and there isn't an apology I can give you that'll make anything I did okay or me feel okay about it either Jac: I'm not looking for an apology or anything in return Amelia: you should Amelia: because I wronged you too and never owned up to it Jac: I don't see it like that, it didn't feel like that Amelia: okay Jac: if it would help, then I'd accept it, but you've said it won't make you feel better so really, don't worry Amelia: right Jac: So, if my apology doesn't serve you either Jac: I'll leave you alone again now Amelia: you said you need to do it, so just do it, if it's that important to you Jac: only if it's going to reassure people, or give some sense of closure Jac: the latter being more what I was aiming for Jac: it's not going to be anything for me if it isn't for you Amelia: I'll get closure by not having to see you any more Jac: Neither of us is going to gone forever Jac: it'll certainly be easier, and less frequent Jac: but I'm not going to say you'll never see me again, that's just unrealistic Amelia: there's at least higher chance Amelia: my mum keeps me super busy with all her holiday traditions Jac: Fair enough Jac: I'd rather not be concerned about having to avoid anyone when I'm here Amelia: you'll be busy avoiding all of Jess' fan's and stalkers Amelia: I like his music, but not to that level Jac: That's fine, I can deal with that Amelia: good, he's worried about how it's gonna be for you all Jac: You don't need to tell me about my own brother Amelia: you don't need to get defensive about it Jac: I just don't need to talk about that with you Jac: it's not got anything to do with what needs to be said, if at all Amelia: we're not, we're basically done talking really Jac: If you like Amelia: I'd have liked for this conversation never to have been started but you know Jac: I can't do anything about that, I'm afraid Jac: Good luck and goodbye then Amelia: yeah, you too Jac: Thank you, I appreciate that Amelia: I'd never wish you bad luck Jac: Never said you would Amelia: I'm not a 🔮💎💫 gay, still don't even know that much about astrology Jac: Whoever you are, as long as you're happy with that Jac: it's certainly no business of mine Amelia: 😂 no and no Jac: I'm sorry to hear that on the former Amelia: maybe uni will fix everything, maybe not Jac: A fresh start in a new place can't hurt you Jac: and I'm sure you have other protections in place Amelia: 🤞 I won't be so dramatic Amelia: then it can't be as bad as here Jac: It's a change of scenery not a change of personality Amelia: rude Jac: I didn't mean it to be Amelia: it's a chance to grow up, I'm not 15 anymore and nobody there will have known me when I was Jac: That much is true Amelia: I'd say I'll see you around but if I do, I'll obviously act like I haven't Amelia: that's been working Jac: Whatever works for you Amelia: 👋 Jac: I'll be seeing you Amelia: no, you won't 👻 Jac: I didn't say I'd pretend or adopt the same methods you use Amelia: I can't make you Jac: No Jac: I've got no interest in burying my head in the sand Amelia: because you already did it for so long Jac: because I'm moving forward, not just looking Amelia: that's great Jac: It does feel it Amelia: good, you've felt like shit for long enough as well Jac: I guess so Amelia: okay then Jac: If that's all Jac: Bye Amelia Amelia: we still need a different word for it but yeah, bye Jac: Does it really matter? Amelia: doesn't it? that this time we actually mean it but it sounds exactly the same as the times we didn't Jac: There's nothing final implied by any goodbye Jac: it's just a way to end a conversation you don't want to have Amelia: but this time there should be Amelia: very anticlimactic Jac: I don't mean to be rude again but that really is your problem too, loquaciously and otherwise Jac: I'm not attempting dramatics Jac: I opened lines of conversation, you closed them, that's all this is Amelia: I'm attempting levity, if anything Amelia: but alright Jac: Why? Amelia: because you sound like you're giving a rehearsed speech Jac: just because I've put thought into what I'm going to say, doesn't mean it's any less valid Amelia: I didn't say it was invalid Jac: you're invalidating it Amelia: no more than you comparing me to an ostrich Jac: We're at very different places, clearly Amelia: you think you're so far ahead of me, clearly Jac: You're presenting me with avoidance as coping Jac: I'm not gonna say good luck with that, or good for you Jac: you can do whatever you like but I won't pretend I think it's brilliant Amelia: you're presenting me with patronising bullshit over any kind of real conversation Jac: I gave you the opportunity to air your grievances, you didn't want to Jac: I offered apologies, you did not want them either Amelia: I don't know if I'll ever be able to see you and not want to walk immediately off in the other direction, I don't need your judgment for it Jac: I'm not judging you, I'm not applauding or enabling, that's all Jac: I was never asking to be back in your life Amelia: you're asking me to accept your apology as if that will paper over every fucking crack and then we can just see each other out and about as strangers Jac: You don't have to, I was literally just trying to apologize and then see where you were at Jac: and I have Amelia: you've ❌ my name off your list Amelia: that's literally all this is to you Jac: Don't presume to know that Amelia: you're just going to walk away from this conversation with your closure and into your new life as a better person Jac: Well no I'm not, because you haven't given me that or accepted my apology Jac: just because I'm handling that rejection in a more measured, calm way, doesn't mean I feel any better than you, thank you Amelia: well take it, then you can continue to feel superior as much as you like Jac: I don't feel superior to you, I haven't said that once Jac: I'm sorry for whatever is making you feel that way Amelia: it's just your tone then, okay great Jac: If you're gonna tone police, then you will probably come up against much more resistance than I'm giving Jac: You feel bad about yourself, and I am sorry for how much I undoubtedly played into that Amelia: I feel bad because things are bad, and I don't have your certainty that a new place is just going to sort that out Jac: That must be hard for you Amelia: give me whatever other apologies you've got left to get this over with Jac: I really hope life improves for you Jac: it's sad to see Amelia: me too, obviously Jac: You should really talk to someone, if you aren't Amelia: I don't need to be told what to do, the uncertainty isn't total Jac: Simply a suggestion Amelia: my parents made it way before you Jac: I'm glad Jac: how's it going? Amelia: I'm not going to talk about it with you Jac: Okay Amelia: okay Jac: Enjoy the rest of your summer Amelia: you too Jac: 😄 Amelia: it can't all be apologies, you'll have to run out eventually Jac: What do you mean? Amelia: there's not an unending number of 💔 people Jac: Yes, but I don't really get what your point is? Amelia: take a break to take your own advice and enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 Jac: Of course Jac: it's not the only thing I have to do Jac: I'm plenty busy Amelia: undoubtedly Jac: sweet of you though Amelia: everyone will be thrilled I still have it in me Jac: I'm sure they all already know Amelia: based on what evidence Jac: You didn't disown all your new friends and stop talking to your family, did you? Jac: No, that was me Amelia: I don't have any friends so my family are the only people I have to talk to Jac: you clearly talk to my brother Jac: and, your family, so case in point x2 remains Amelia: I try not to x 2 Amelia: and I'm hardly sweet when I do, so no, my point remains there's no basis for that Jac: if you weren't capable of being sweet, it wouldn't be a try for not talking to them Jac: but sure Amelia: I'm capable of being selfish, like I said Jac: I'm aware Amelia: I need them, let's not act like any of what I'm saying is for their benefit Jac: Admitting you need people makes them feel good by default Jac: you could've convinced them that you didn't Jac: and that they're not allowed to need you Amelia: clearly I'm not capable of that Jac: it's not a bad thing Amelia: the ✔ or ❌ next to it is kind of irrelevant because it's what's happened anyway Jac: it's about how you feel about it Jac: I don't know why you're trying to convince yourself you were as bad as me Amelia: I don't know why you're trying to 😇 me Jac: Hardly Jac: there's just zero point being unrealistic about it now Amelia: exactly Jac: You were an awful friend to me Jac: and you stopped even that when I could have really used one Jac: that doesn't invalidate what I'm trying to apologise for Jac: and the fact that I took advantage of you and used you Amelia: I told you I don't want it Jac: No one is sainting you, is my point Jac: I really don't like you, at all Jac: that doesn't mean I didn't do wrong, that's the situation Amelia: I know you did, that's why I don't need it spelled out Jac: I'm not spelling it out Jac: I apologized, you didn't accept it Jac: now that's on you Jac: I've done my part Amelia: you're literally spelling that out Amelia: like I don't know what's happening Jac: you clearly are confused Jac: you've said completely the opposite of what I've said to you several times Jac: and I'm not interested in participating in that misunderstanding any longer Amelia: okay Jac: right, thank you Amelia: I accept your apology, you can go Jac: I'm not an idiot Jac: don't lie Jac: I'll still be able to move on without it Amelia: I'm not lying, I get that you're sorry and why Jac: No, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to do this Jac: don't bother Amelia: fine Jac: because an apology should be mutual, to work Jac: and I truly do not forgive you Jac: you actually talking to me again has only reminded me Jac: I'm sorry for contacting you, that was a mistake Amelia: it's alright, like I said, I get what you were trying to do Jac: there's no point pretending Amelia: no there isn't, what I did to you was horrific, don't forgive me Jac: there's windows of opportunity, sometimes Jac: and you had plenty of time Amelia: time doesn't heal everything Jac: and you prioritized yourself and your healing over me and the fact you've failed to do so Jac: yeah, that really disgusts me Jac: I can't help that, not yet Jac: I don't know when Amelia: I prioritised myself, I wasn't doing any healing, distraction isn't the same thing Jac: I don't even know if I'm able to forgive that Jac: but that's a me problem Jac: I can't care about you anymore, in any way, you walked out on me near a year ago, I need to do the same now Amelia: yeah you do Jac: fucking hell Jac: right Amelia: there's nothing else to say, I'm glad you're doing better but all I really did was throw myself into school Jac: there is so much more to say Jac: but you've made it clear how you feel Amelia: so have you Amelia: walk away, the last thing I want is any of this bullshit Jac: you've heard what you want, as per usual Jac: heaven forbid you have to deal with anything uncomfortable for you Amelia: fuck's sake Jac: because I really wanted to do this, you're right, it was all about me and how great this would make me feel Amelia: okay, it's not a walk in the park for you either Jac: how dare I try Amelia: I'm stubborn, not stupid Jac: so I'm not trying, yeah? Amelia: of course you fucking are Jac: and your solution is to not, ever Amelia: with you there isn't any solution Jac: fine Amelia: I treated you like shit, it doesn't matter how sorry I am or how hard I want to try Jac: Yes, it does Jac: it would Jac: that's such an excuse Amelia: no it's not, I am sorry but that doesn't and won't change anything Jac: you aren't sorry enough to do anything about it Jac: that's what you mean Jac: and like I said, fine Amelia: if there was anything I could Amelia: then I obviously would Jac: Okay, Amelia Jac: I can't tell you what to do Amelia: yeah you can, if there's something you want Jac: You don't have to serve what I want Amelia: I know that Jac: then just Jac: this hurts Amelia: it's been too long since I did the right thing Amelia: I don't know what to do Jac: Why haven't you been trying? Amelia: because I thought it would work, my parents just kept saying I needed time, to focus on studying, that once I get to uni things will be better Jac: it isn't going to just happen Jac: it's good that you've been studying but like you said, it's distraction Amelia: yeah Jac: but you'll never be over it if you ignore it, if we do Amelia: but trying to talk about it has only ever made it worse Amelia: we don't communicate well Jac: it can be different Amelia: can it? Jac: there has been time, distance Jac: the fact we're addressing it, that's different Jac: can we just, start this conversation again, try again Amelia: I don't get why you want to when you don't even like me Jac: because I loved you Jac: for a long time, that doesn't count for nothing Jac: I don't want it to Jac: and I don't want to dislike you Jac: what's the point of that? Amelia: okay Jac: I know you know and knew at the time that it was wrong, I get that, you aren't stupid and I'm not trying to keep saying the same thing over and over Jac: but I don't think either of us fully appreciated how hard it was for you to say no to me at the time Jac: and now I'm so ashamed of how much I used that to my advantage Amelia: I did so many things going really far back, to not say no to you, so I'm ashamed of that too Jac: yeah, it wasn't like it was just that, or it just started with that whole period of time Jac: I knew on some level Jac: and I used it, however unconsciously, I still did Jac: I don't really know why, except for the fact I could, pure selfishness, to get what I wanted Jac: it wasn't fair on you, but plenty of other people too Amelia: and I kept it going because I wanted to, even though I knew I shouldn't Jac: if I was any sort of friend, I wouldn't have put you in that position, of having to make that choice Amelia: if I was any sort of friend I would've put what I wanted to one side and actually tried to help you Jac: It's clear neither of us were in any position to help each other, after a point Jac: I just don't know when we got there Amelia: I didn't try hard enough, how can I say I loved or cared about you? Jac: I wouldn't let you Jac: but that doesn't feel true because I did let you in in those other ways Jac: which, again, confusing and not fair on any level Amelia: I don't think I can love or care about anyone properly, that's why I'm scared to go forward Jac: I don't think that's true, I'm aware that isn't comforting, or counts for much Jac: but if someone actually gave you the chance, and it was fair Jac: you can't base it on what we had Jac: it was bad for us both, and didn't work because of that Amelia: I'm not, I'm basing it on Is and Jess too Jac: We were all bad to Is Jac: it was like...I don't even know Jac: a way to make you fight for my attention? mutual bonding to leave her out? Jac: I'm not being vague purposefully, I truly do not know why Jac: I don't think we had much in common with her once we got older but still, we didn't have to do what we did Jac: and it's a whole different situation with Jess, I repeatedly told you to not be friends with him, starters, and obviously it's a reminder of me you didn't necessarily need Amelia: I just feel like I can't have friends, but what am I gonna do, not go? be the weird loner who doesn't get involved in anything? Jac: We were best friends Jac: and that blew up, spectacularly Jac: you're bound to have trauma Amelia: I have no idea if we were or not, maybe I was just 😍🥰 Amelia: because I can't pinpoint when that happened Jac: but we still were Jac: it can be both Jac: isn't it, ideally, when you have a s/o Amelia: not if I didn't treat you like it was both Amelia: which I obviously didn't because I had no issue ever saying no to Is Jac: maybe that was more about that we didn't treat Is like a friend Amelia: maybe Jac: I don't know Jac: I felt like we were friends Amelia: okay, that's a good start, I guess Jac: of course I did Jac: I know you loved me for a long time Jac: but does it discount the philia type of love Amelia: I don't know what that means but it sounds disgusting Jac Philia — Affectionate Love. Philia is love without romantic attraction and occurs between friends or family members. ... Pragma — Enduring Love. ... Storge — Familiar Love. ... Eros — Romantic Love. ... Ludus — Playful Love. ... Mania — Obsessive Love. ... Philautia — Self Love. ... Agape — Selfless Love. Jac: thanks, classics Amelia: oh well then I hope not Jac: I'm sure you can have more than one at play at once Jac: personal experience and general consensus Amelia: probably Jac: you can't go through life alone Jac: you don't need to Amelia: arguably I do need to Amelia: because I can't go through anything that comes close to this again Jac: I don't think it will Jac: and I'm not just being big-headed Jac: there's a lot of songs about it, more evidence Amelia: I haven't forgotten what you said about someone else taking advantage of me, even if you have Jac: I haven't Jac: I said Jac: particularly nasty things that day Amelia: it was an especially fucked up day for you Jac: yes, I haven't forgotten anything about that time Jac: if only Jac: I still had no right, to be as Jac: callous as I was Amelia: you wanted me to leave, it wouldn't have worked any other way Jac: yeah Jac: I needed you to Amelia: and I know you think it was a dick move for me to not be there after but it was for the best Amelia: you had Jesse, having me around would've just made shit worse Jac: I know nothing would have made it better, really Amelia: of course not Jac: I guess too much had passed between us at that point Jac: I didn't think we were there yet Jac: or that there was that point, arrogantly Amelia: that's why I decided for us Amelia: you had grieving to do Jac: I can see your thought process now Amelia: there's loads I should've handled differently but I'm not sorry for walking away then Amelia: it was bigger than me and us and that whole fucking thing Jac: It probably just hit me, that I had successfully isolated myself, at that point Jac: I can't blame you, I shouldn't Amelia: you can, if you want, there were loads of times I thought I should just get over myself and see how you were Jac: It just felt like you didn't care Jac: but complaining about that when that's consistently what I told you, well Jac: there was no way Amelia: I'll never stop caring about you Jac: Me either Amelia: but I'm not good for you Amelia: and even if I could've shown up and taken over from Jesse, it wouldn't have gone well or lasted Jac: but I never should have asked for the amount from you that I consistently did Jac: that's the truth Amelia: and I shouldn't have been willing to give you everything in exchange for nothing Jac: No Jac: but we don't have to go back, to fix this Jac: to be better Jac: we have to address it, not just push on Amelia: that's a relief because we can't go back or fix it Jac: Why do you think the latter though? Amelia: too much has happened Jac: but that doesn't mean stop and stagnate Jac: better things can and should happen Amelia: yeah, for both of us separately Amelia: you're way ahead of me Jac: I'm not Jac: but I agree Jac: but that doesn't mean we can't get us past this place Jac: like I said, that doesn't mean like it was before, or even a fraction of that, it can be what we want Jac: that's all I was ever suggesting Amelia: what do you want it to be? Jac: I don't want you to want to run when you see me, or for us to not be able to acknowledge that spending the majority of our childhood together means something for who we are now Jac: I don't have it in me to keep hurting you or the only way for that to not happen to be staying away forever Jac: maybe we still need time Jac: but maybe we can make a start Amelia: I can't imagine talking about ☀☁🌧🌨 with you, that's all Amelia: the feeling I had at Is' birthday party that last time was Amelia: I don't know, but I know I can't Jac: we don't have to pretend to be strangers Jac: there's no point in that Jac: setting boundaries this time doesn't have to equate to nothing to say Amelia: okay Jac: I know there's still chance we'll fuck up Jac: and I know you don't have load of reason to trust me Jac: but if we're both trying Jac: and at least communicating better than nothing Jac: surely Amelia: because I don't have the slightest clue how to set boundaries Amelia: or loads of trust in myself Amelia: but I'll try Jac: maybe it gets easier with practice Amelia: I'm not saying it'll go as badly as when I said I'd try to be friends with Savannah but let's aim for not Jac: 😂 Jac: the bars been set Amelia: I've got nothing if not realistic goals Jac: you did really well Jac: getting on the course you did Amelia: school's boring but not hard Jac: don't tell Delia Amelia: I don't think she'd open a message from me Jac: another congrats for her amazing grades? add it to the pile Amelia: not another declaration of love, how dare I? Amelia: our only conversation to date was her asking if I fancied her when I came out so she is waiting Jac: Oh my god Jac: delusion? wishful thinking? Jac: not her Jac: going to be so disappointed when she doesn't get swept off her feet by some Mr Darcy type at Uni Amelia: I like girls so obviously I MUST like her because she's head girl in EVERY WAY, it was simply a technically she didn't get the badge Jac: She's so tragic I'm breaking my rule of not shit-talking people to do so because Jac: yikes Jac: maybe she is THAT special, after-all Amelia: I told her it must have been SO hard coming such a clear 2nd to Savannah Moore at everything whilst having a bigger ego Amelia: but I think she thought that meant I fancied Savannah so Amelia: slightly awkward Jac: she might've just hated Sav more than you Amelia: we could've bonded over it if she'd been less Amelia: her Jac: Yeah, I'm really gutted for you both on that Amelia: I'm really gutted that she doesn't realise your grades were better Amelia: like maybe she can't count Amelia: it's all a dramatic cover for illiteracy Jac: do we call that innumerate or Jac: ha, we do Jac: ['cos did just google that] Amelia: Jess wasn't far off her grades and he don't care, she can honestly calm down Jac: The compensation is real with that one Amelia: 😏 Jac: I hope she has a great time in Bath Jac: I don't hope that Savannah is there too and she has to rekindle that 'rivalry' or anything Amelia: 😂 Amelia: that's so gay Jac: if this were a Netflix adaptation of a YA novel, for sure Amelia: Sav is too pretty for her, people would be up in arms Jac: not people like Delia Jac: aspirational, the ugly nerd girl gets the hottie Amelia: she does look like she could be royalty, maybe that's the plot twist Jac: fucking secret princess Jac: yeah, Savannah probably would have gone for that Jac: if Delia pretends to be a boy too, get Shakesperian Amelia: 😂 Jac: I've missed you Amelia: not that I've had much competition Amelia: I love Jess but he isn't very chatty Jac: he's been more of a warden than a friend, or normal brother Jac: not his fault, that was what he had to be but yeah Amelia: and less said about Darla the fucking better, to be honest Amelia: I wasn't 💔 when she finished school Jac: Well she was what I needed her to be Jac: naturally, as was everyone in that period Amelia: an enabler, yeah, she was Jac: she's got a fucked life Jac: and I didn't help her no more than she helped me so Jac: guess it makes us equal enough Amelia: I've missed you too, by the way Jac: Yeah, tah Amelia: not only because having your mum for a BFF is the coolest Jac: at least she does know all the good gossip Amelia: and I know how to cross stitch, crochet and knit, gonna be an amazing wife Jac: your future wife better love a handmade gift Amelia: I made you an oversized scarf but I also learnt my lesson about leaving stuff outside your 🏠 Jac: Perhaps a stray could have used it for a bed or something Amelia: okay, I'll leave it when I'm going that way Jac: I'm sorry Amelia: me too Jac: If I wasn't such a bitch, they'd have been really nice gifts Amelia: yeah, I'm a thoughtful bitch Jac: 😂 Amelia: 😉 Jac: Shame some passing gay 🤓 didn't rescue 'em Amelia: any passing gay 🤓 has probably already read them Jac: how much gay literature have you consumed, whilst not knitting like a 👵 Amelia: [a list lol] Jac: Oh God Amelia: I don't recommend most of it, wouldn't even to Delia Jac: I don't really do non-fiction, which you conveniently forgot when trying to bash me over the head with your moral messages and thoughtful bitch-ness Jac: maybe read a case study or two, but wouldn't recommend, it's not the most reassuring Amelia: at least I didn't hit you over the head with Shakespeare or Les Mis or War and Peace Amelia: and I didn't forget Jac: that's more assault than insult Amelia: the first 📖 was because it only took my 10 minutes to find my parents 🎁 and the 2nd was to put my 🎨 in to try and protect it from the ❄ Jac: [why I write non-fiction when I clearly meant fiction I've annoyed myself wid that lol just so we don't get confused on a re-read] Jac: and the stories were a total coincidence Jac: not like plastic bags are cheaper or more plentiful Amelia: not to me but I knew YOU wouldn't read them Jac: I can google a title and get the sparknotes, like Jac: 👌👌 Amelia: 👏👏 Jac: erm don't be rude Jac: you knew I'd do that, I mean Amelia: I didn't know anything about what you would or wouldn't do Jac: except that I wouldn't read them, obvs Amelia: yeah, well the wouldn'ts are a bit easier than the woulds Jac: be very obvious if I lobbed them back through your window Jac: don't even need your ma's keen senses to work that one out Amelia: you wouldn't come that close to my 🏠 Jac: unlike you, I have no reason to be anywhere near Jac: again, obvious Amelia: unlike you I don't need a reason Jac: sounds mildly stalkerish Amelia: 😕 you're right Amelia: I won't bother to delete it though Jac: Progress Jac: it's fine, there's been very little too stalk, accusing you of that lately would just be embarrassing for me Amelia: likewise Amelia: unless you really want to see what else I've been knitting that badly Jac: you don't have a etsy yet? Jac: slacking Amelia: I wouldn't gift it to you if anyone else would have it Amelia: I didn't say I was good, only that I technically learned how Jac: Charming Jac: you want me to walk around looking a state Amelia: it's the thought that counts Amelia: and I'm under no illusion you'd wear it Amelia: it's not chanel Jac: we're still a while away from me being able to wear exclusively chanel Amelia: 💔 Jac: I know Jac: all bitch no rich, according to you Jac: not the one Amelia: you wish I'd ever called you names Amelia: I can flirt better than that, thank you Jac: That's a development too Jac: I distinctly remember 😳 Amelia: rude Jac: but true Jac: and we aren't pretending to be strangers, remember Amelia: 😣 fine Jac: 😉 Amelia: how long did the 💄 even last once you'd thawed or whatever? Jac: not like I was doing much 💋 after Jac: not to say it was poorly timed but you know Amelia: because that's the only time you ever wear it, we're not strangers Jac: okay, yeah Jac: I've still got it though Amelia: maybe it's not a total 🤑 scam in that case Jac: it is still for special occasions, if not just 💋s Jac: plus, like you said, my brother is the only person I'm hanging out with and enough fans thought we were dating for a while there without trying that hard for him 🤢 Amelia: your family and incest Jac: can you not Amelia: sorry Jac: you're okay Jac: it is vomit-inducing though Amelia: yeah Jac: like didn't want to be 'outed' as his sister but the speculation is worse Amelia: loads of fans thought we were 😍🥰😘 after I went to one gig and that made me feel 🤢 too Amelia: happy to be outed Jac: ha, seriously Jac: it's so weird Amelia: I must not have wearing 👖 that night or something Jac: gays own denim, yeah? Amelia: your guess is as likely to be right as mine is Amelia: I'm the only gay I know Jac: bollocks Jac: there's loads of out kids Amelia: and I don't know them, my mum is my best mate, remember Jac: 1. you had a girlfriend and all her pals, however briefly 2. you claim to know/love my brother 3. so what are you talking about Amelia: 1. I've mentally blocked out that entire time period 2. he's not gay Jac: 1. fair enough, yeah 2. neither are you unless we are using it as an umbrella term so suck it Amelia: 👅🍭 Jac: 😋 Amelia: or 🍦 because it's ☀ Jac: that would constitute enjoying the rest of our summer Amelia: you did tell me to Jac: likewise Jac: are you going to go to any of these final-blowout-before-we-all-leave-forever parties? Amelia: I don't know Jac: Me either Jac: probably not though Amelia: if Jess wants to before I go, I might, but there's loads of other things I'd rather do instead Jac: cute Amelia: he is my sometimes boyfriend, ask the fans Jac: that's truly horrifying Amelia: maybe I'll be washing my 👖 Jac: write a song about it, boy Amelia: 😂 Jac: he would Jac: tell me I'm wrong Jac: you can't Amelia: he definitely would Amelia: as enjoyable as it always is telling you you're wrong Jac: more enjoyable than hearing his 💔 Amelia: yeah Jac: but not 🍦 Amelia: I'm very hungry right now so no Jac: I mean, go ahead Jac: but I'm never wrong Amelia: we're not strangers Jac: 😲 Amelia: you were wrong when you thought you could ✂ your own hair Jac: I can't wait to be somewhere no one knows that anecdote Jac: and there isn't photographic evidence Amelia: and when you told me my mum's 🌹 didn't have thorns because you wanted me to pick them for you Jac: well, that was just a lie, not being wrong Jac: surprised your mum didn't cut my hair with her secateurs after that, like Amelia: okay but I can probably go on and on all day if you want Amelia: ending on my forehead scar for dramatic effect Jac: you're the one that ❤s it more than ice-cream and indie pop Jac: anyway, I feel enough guilt and shame for the things I did wrong way more recently than that, if we're being real Amelia: yeah, I know Amelia: me too Jac: summer bummer Amelia: hey, we're trying Jac: true Jac: not that bad, is it Amelia: maybe we should go to one of the parties, do it right Jac: you think? Amelia: I might worry less about freshers if I can do that without fucking it up Jac: Alright Jac: if we find one with the least offensive cast of dickheads Amelia: if anything that sounds harder than not fucking it up but okay Jac: at least Delia won't be at any Jac: it'll be fine Amelia: I'm 💔 about the lack of goodbye 💋 so if you could just not mention her name Jac: 🤐 Amelia: thanks Jac: any time Amelia: and we can leave any time if it's the worst idea I've ever had Jac: now that's unlikely Jac: however boring it is Amelia: alright, if I'm the worst date ever Jac: nah Jac: you haven't forgotten how many boys I've dated Amelia: I've tried to Jac: 🤐🤐 Amelia: 🥀🥀 Jac: don't worry, I'm very aware how tragic it was, no need to pretend Amelia: I'm just wondering if they are or if they really think they did something 🏆⭐ Jac: They did me and that was the 🏆⭐ Jac: some people can get an ego over nothing, like she-who-must-not-be-named but the majority were clued in Amelia: no arguments from me, you were 🏆⭐ Jac: you weren't bad yourself Amelia: it's not a real compliment, it's an if I were dressed like a Shakespearean boy one, so I don't need any back Jac: no it's not Amelia: and I'm going outside, you'll be thrilled to hear Amelia: ☀🌳🌼 Jac: that's nice and all but why are you ignoring me coming out to you Amelia: because I don't know what to do with it Jac: okay Jac: that went well then Amelia: how did you expect it to go? Jac: thought you might be able to muster a happy for you or something Jac: what did your mum say when you first told her? Amelia: she asked me if I was sure, which I'm obviously not going to say Jac: did you tell her she was the first person you told? Amelia: no Jac: well maybe that would've been a better place for me to start Amelia: I don't think I should be the first person you tell anything Jac: it's not like you didn't know already Jac: that's the only reason why Jac: I'm not gonna make an announcement Amelia: and you weren't happy so I'm not going to say I'm happy for you Jac: alright Jac: don't worry about it Amelia: I'm not worried about it, if you're telling me, that's different from how it was before Jac: yeah, sort of what I'm going for Amelia: the fresh start thing, yeah Jac: right Jac: may as well give it a shot Amelia: you'll have loads of chances to get a better reaction than the one you got from me Jac: not going to get laid Jac: or join a GSA Jac: just also not lying and getting laid by dudes, that's all Amelia: okay Jac: unless there's a future king of England, that's just the kind of chance you have to take regardless Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'll let you, Sav and Delia be 👸👸🏾👸🏼 it's not really the happily ever after I'm looking for Jac: not that it ever is really Jac: 📸🏎🚇💀💔 Amelia: Jess' fans are intense enough Jac: 🙄 yeah, can't wait for the complex he gets Amelia: loads of girls have already asked me out to try and get close to him, no thank you Jac: Ew Jac: another reason not to come out Amelia: you'll just get lads doing it instead Jac: nah Jac: lads aren't like that and he has like no male fans Amelia: not yet Jac: still Jac: gay boys aren't gonna pretend to be straight to clout chase Amelia: I was thinking more straight lads trying to be his mate and take his fan girls but sure Jac: why are you wishing predators on me just to prove boys are as bad as straight girls Jac: 🤨 Amelia: I haven't made any wishes Jac: hmm 👌 Amelia: you can have a clichéd good luck message when you actually leave Jac: I'll look forward to it Jac: you're so jaded now yeah Amelia: not that kind of 👵 Jac: I've only got the one so not much to compare Jac: ❌👵👴👴 Amelia: I'll cellotape 💰 to any cards I send you along with the 🧶🧣🧤🧦🧸 Amelia: leave you long rambling voicemails because I refuse to text and show up at every family function only to leave like an hour later Amelia: the full experience Jac: honestly, sounds like you anyway Jac: not a big stretch is it Jac: 😄 Amelia: I wouldn't do it if it was, selfish bitch that I am Jac: Obvs Amelia: 😏 Jac: right Jac: better let you go enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 as requested Amelia: don't worry, I'm a 👵 who can do a few things at once Amelia: not wearing my 🍦 or anything Jac: knitted bib would probably not work Amelia: my mum must've tried it when I was a baby Jac: she probably soldiered on as well Jac: like with the bob Amelia: 😣 Amelia: BFF or not, I won't be asking her advice on what to wear for my first day of lectures Jac: Bless Jac: the preppy look would be more her wheelhouse than freshers though Amelia: freshers is a banned word in our 🏠 Amelia: she thinks I'm going to go insane Jac: you aren't Delia who's never been to a real party in her life Jac: I'll send her some charcoal all ready, like Jac: DIY Amelia: she'd probably assume it was an early 🎄🎅🎁 and you were calling her 👿 Jac: she is that pessimist Jac: not gonna beat you with a switch, sorry girl Amelia: she'd at least need to buy you a drink first Jac: I'd need more than a single drink, tah Amelia: 🍾 Jac: that's the vibe Jac: [examples 'cos St Andrews so bouj with the champagne etc lol] Amelia: you'll fit right in Amelia: I don't know what Cork's vibe is Jac: You should check out the #s it can be really useful Jac: if you're not quite ready to dip your toe into the freshers whatsapps yet Jac: I'm holding off 'cos 😬 Amelia: me too, I feel at risk of a migraine just thinking about it Amelia: which would be about right when I haven't had as many lately Jac: alright, I get it Jac: massive pain in your 🤯 Jac: I'm glad you've got 'em a bit more under control though Amelia: I mean, you're not on my official triggers list technically Amelia: even if I was apparently always 😳 Jac: Yeah Jac: but that's easily dealt with Amelia: right Jac: better than an aspirin, anyway Amelia: true, I'm still shit at swallowing 💊s Jac: That gay Amelia: 😂 Jac: Might go to [this] hers Jac: they weren't that awful Amelia: and it's not that far if we decide to 🏃 away Jac: and her parents will only be down the pub or something 'til they call time, so no chance of it getting out of hand Amelia: my parents will be thrilled Jac: if you don't want them to join you on freshers Amelia: thank god she isn't reading over my shoulder right now, you'd have given her ideas Jac: no way she weren't already thinking of ways to 🔭 Amelia: one of many reasons I'd never go to Trinity Jac: Same Jac: can't imagine anything worse Amelia: UCC's website already makes the BOLD claim of being in the top 2% of universities in the world so obviously I have no need anyway Amelia: don't ask me how they worked out anything like that Amelia: 🤨 Jac: top 2% at what Jac: I love when they try to blind you with stats Jac: some of the websites are abhorent Amelia: Bath's would give me a migraine Amelia: because yeah I've looked at it Jac: don't remind me 💔 Amelia: I'll invite Delia to the party if you like, that'll make you feel loads better Jac: I AM thrilled that no one from school is going to st andys too Jac: 👀 anyone across campus, let alone her, nope Amelia: shit, now that you mention it, I really don't like my chances of not running into anyone quite as much Amelia: that'll be a great orientation depending who I get Jac: I think they're gonna announce it all at that ball thing they're doing Jac: if you're going to that Amelia: I probably have to now Amelia: to get a warning Amelia: 😬 Jac: just don't dramatically gasp or scream in horror Jac: the other person/people might be a bit offended Amelia: that'll be everyone else at me in a 👗 again Jac: okay, cinderella fantasy Amelia: thanks, yeah, I'm totally rocking some summer rags as we speak Amelia: I get it, if it's not chanel I might as well 🧹 the floor in it or with it Jac: at least you name isn't prefaced with ugly or evil Jac: r* Jac: 🐭🎃✨ Amelia: but I can't be leaving 👠 behind Jac: packing is so weird Jac: how do you even know how much to take Amelia: I just know I'm going to have to keep going back and forth because I haven't grabbed the right things Amelia: I don't envy you Jac: what are you doing for living your 1st year? Amelia: rooms are on a lottery so if I don't get one I'll have to stay here and 🚗 Jac: Oh Jac: that's tense Jac: I'll 🤞🤞 Amelia: scared as I am, I seriously don't want to live at 🏠 Amelia: what kind of fresh start is that? Jac: I agree, I mean, obviously Jac: I couldn't go much further Jac: you'd miss out if you had to commute, on all the student life Amelia: exactly, they also brag about having over 100 societies Jac: we love an option Jac: it'll be good Jac: even if you do 🚗 for a bit, you'll meet people you actually wanna share with later Amelia: 🤞🤞 Amelia: so are you going to the ball 👸? Jac: better than being stuck with total nightmare housemates Jac: I opted for a single room for that same reason Jac: only so nice I can be still Jac: I wanted to scream at Jude earlier but I had to just 🙂🙂 Jac: May as well, though everyone is pairing up and making that a thing, or going as a girly group and then that's another thing so Amelia: right? I've never even had to share a bathroom before, I'm too only child for this bullshit to be honest Jac: ^^ you wouldn't cope, soz Amelia: I'd rather sleep in my 🚗 than with nightmare housemates Amelia: fuck's sake, maybe I won't go to the ball and take my chances with whoever else is going to UCC Amelia: we probably won't ever run into each other anyway Jac: I saw Is and all her mates dress shopping in town the other day Amelia: did she see you? Jac: Thankfully not Jac: I was stocking up on some beauty essentials so I was far enough away for that convo not to happen Amelia: It's so weird to just see her around Amelia: she always looks good though Jac: Yeah Jac: she's gonna be really happy Jac: it's good Amelia: but it has made my mind up about not going, because there's no way I'm going dress shopping Amelia: and nothing online can be trusted Jac: We could've gone together Jac: pure solidarity thing, as we have no one else to go with Jac: apart from Jess Amelia: do you want to? Jac: I mean, yeah Jac: the last day was pretty anti-climatic Jac: at least this will feel like a proper goodbye Amelia: I'm aware I haven't really shone in this conversation so okay Jac: You don't have to Jac: but it could be alright, us three Jac: see it through to the end properly, you know Amelia: I want to though, when you put it like that Jac: Okay Jac: cool Jac: I'll tell Jess Jac: at least he has to have something approaching formalwear these days Amelia: maybe he'll let me borrow it Jac: the full 🤵🏻 moment Amelia: I guess, if it means I can escape the 🛍 moment Jac: you don't have ANYTHING? Amelia: no ?????? maybe ??????? Amelia: I don't know, it's not a house party Jac: 🙄😂 Jac: in fairness, every other bitch is finished by now Jac: so you aren't going to run into everyone Amelia: what are you planning on wearing? Jac: 🤔 Jac: I probably have options Jac: if I've worn it too recently is always the question Amelia: we're going shopping, aren't we? Jac: it sounds like we need to Amelia: alright Jac: When do you wanna go Jac: I've wrapped up work now so I'm pretty free most of the time Jac: when not packing, unpacking, repacking Amelia: tomorrow so I can change my mind AGAIN back to not going if all the 👗 suck Amelia: plus my mum is busy and can't gatecrash to volunteer any 'advice' Amelia: more importantly, where do we want to go? because I'll 🚗 Amelia: obviously you'll be wanting to look 🤑 Jac: I won't make you do Brown Thomas Jac: but could we do Powerscourt? Jac: 🥺 Amelia: you can't make me do anything anymore but because you've made such a convincing argument with 🥺 yeah we can Jac: Oh that's right Jac: we're both better people now Jac: I still love Powerscourt though Amelia: I don't want you to change everything about yourself, that's erasure not improvement Amelia: and I still love how your face lights up when you go there Jac: It is knowing which parts to cut off and which can be salvaged Jac: like 🌹 🥀 Jac: speaking of, the garden flower shop 😍😍 Amelia: like 🖌 too sometimes you want to leave the first brush strokes in and sometimes you don't Amelia: fine, I'll make you a corsage, don't feel like you have to 🥺 I've made a shit load of Christmas wreaths, it'll be a piece of cake Jac: exactly Jac: or what 🖌 stroke is going to be the one that's one too many Jac: or the painting that never seems quite finished Jac: by the way, if you do have to keep living here, please ensure my sister doesn't ruin my room Jac: there was talk of a mural Amelia: 😣 don't! I'm not going to miss any of those dilemmas when I have zero time for 🎨 Amelia: 😂 of course there was Amelia: Oh Jude Jac: Far too busy being Sherlock 🧐 Jac: I think she was just trying to get a rise out of me, so naturally I didn't give anything Jac: but God knows the eyesore I'll come back to Amelia: I'll find out if she was serious or not when I devote my time to spying on the state of your bedroom walls Jac: It can't all be murders at dinner parties Amelia: 💔 Amelia: now you tell me Amelia: I've been channelling Miss Marple all year for nothing Jac: 😅 Jac: she was a bad bitch Amelia: likewise 😎 that was the easy bit Jac: you're such a fool Jac: 😏 Amelia: you gave me another chance, I dread to think what it makes you Jac: what's it about beggars not having much option? Amelia: if you're financially fucked to that level we probably shouldn't go to Powerscourt Jac: Please, all I did was work this past year Jac: school and actual Jac: may as well blow some of it before I'm using it to eat rice every night at uni or whatever Amelia: stop flexing at me, thank you, I don't wish to see it Amelia: or you the return of my 😳 Jac: I don't know what you're talking about 💪 Jac: and I have fond memories of your 😳 too Amelia: past tense not present Amelia: 😎🍦 Jac: not even for old times sake then? Jac: 💔 Amelia: you can't even see me right now and if you're using your imagination there's loads of old times to remind yourself of Jac: but when I do Amelia: I couldn't possibly comment on tomorrow before it has happened Amelia: not a 🔮💎💫 gay, if you recall Jac: so sorry Jac: about your lack of powers Jac: be really good if being gay came with those kinda perks, tbh Amelia: very disappointing Jac: yeah, I'll bring it up with god when I get there, like Amelia: I'll bring it up with 👿 so all bases are covered Amelia: because I was a miracle and I squandered it, or whatever Jac: Hardly Jac: 1. your mum loves the gays and you having a baby will be such a trial she will live for the bonding 2. you've survived to go to uni that's like all they want Amelia: 🎺I feel so accomplished suddenly Jac: yeah, I know, making things sound as harsh as possible is my speciality Jac: but you actually should be Amelia: for what? Jac: Loads of things Jac: mainly getting on your course at the mo though, as that's all we can talk or think about Amelia: it's about picking the right subjects, that's all Amelia: like I said, school is boring but not hard 🧩 Jac: you still did that Jac: and that means you're smart Jac: or it would be both Amelia: you're the only one who didn't believe I had a plan or fuck to give about the future Jac: I was just trying to make sure you didn't give up Amelia: that went well Jac: yeah, I know Jac: okay, it was still rude to say, even if I had good intentions Amelia: you've been ruder, so have I Jac: I'm sure I don't even remember half the shit I said Jac: feel free to regale me with my worst hits if you wanna and I'll try not to kill myself, like Amelia: It's not as if I'd enjoy reliving it either Jac: it'd be alright if you did Amelia: not really Jac: I'm owed a lot worse than squirming for a bit from you Jac: but let's not then, unless you change your mind Jac: works for me Amelia: if I fancy 🎣 I know where you are Jac: I didn't take up old people hobbies too, I'm afraid Amelia: it'd be a bit rude to leave my dad entirely out Amelia: but actually his hobby is just sitting down in different places depending on the ☀☁🌧🌨 Jac: 😂 Jac: can think of worse Amelia: it's an easy one to take up when you get to Edinburgh so you're welcome for the great suggestion Jac: 🤞 there will be no time right Amelia: yeah, there is probably only so much distraction we can stand and we already got to the limit 🌠 Jac: I will have a garden though Jac: and there's the golf course Jac: those are old people adjacent Amelia: of course you'll have a garden Amelia: that's the biggest you incentive I've ever heard Jac: it sold the single bed over the double Jac: along with the more historic building Jac: was used to a single anyway before the basement Amelia: if you're desperate to stretch just go sleep in the 🌳🌼🌹🌷🌻 Jac: 😅 it's Edinburgh, not the Bahamas Amelia: obviously wear clothes Jac: I would manage that without your advice, thank you Jac: didn't go that mental post baby Amelia: I'll knit you a blanket and maybe some kind of onesie, it'll be fine Jac: just so dating really isn't an option 👌 Amelia: maybe if it's tartan the locals will be super into it Jac: nothing more endearing than a bit of mockery 💰🌈 Amelia: no 🌈 don't worry, I haven't fully transformed into my mother Jac: 😏 Amelia: at least you know you're getting a 🛏 Jac: yeah, that is shitty Jac: they famously charge more than any other uni for said rooms so Jac: there's that Amelia: 🤑 Jac: I'm gonna be broke forever 🎻 Amelia: until you straighten up and get that 🤴 Jac: at least some rich royal wannabe Amelia: I'll be a starving artist with no time to pick up a brush Jac: 🕵 Amelia: Miss Marple never solved student debt Amelia: I guess it's up to me Jac: she was a school of life type, aka totally unqualified, just nosy Amelia: and of 'independent means' aka 🤑💰💰 Jac: duh Jac: poor people weren't worth writing about Amelia: how would you know? you don't read any fiction Jac: exactly Jac: I've read the reports Amelia: because they can be trusted any more than the UCC website I'm sure Jac: data to back up the findings is key Jac: be interested to see UCCs Amelia: unlikely they have any Amelia: but I'll ask Jac: may as well get friendly with the staff Jac: start as you mean to go on Amelia: sweet of you to think about getting me a date Amelia: I don't think I'll start there though Jac: if you go for that cliche, like Jac: the fresh start thing we're doing might have to be reconsidered Amelia: I'm really cool with NOT Amelia: falling for your childhood best friend is enough of one Jac: you've read the books, I couldn't possibly comment Amelia: it's usually some 😎 new hs student which your parents have been there and done Jac: Yeah Jac: I don't think the hilarity of the situation escaped them Amelia: it's always really funny to hear about so clearly not Jac: yeah, from an outside POV Jac: having your parents live out a romcom just gives you unattainable and unrealistic expectations Jac: see Jude Amelia: okay, point taken Jac: now beyond unattainable for me Amelia: nothing's unattainable for you Jac: you're sweet Amelia: no, unlike Jude you set goals and work towards achieving them until you have Amelia: if there's something you want, you'll get there Jac: isn't ❤ meant to be beyond all that Jac: not something you can put in the diary or on a vision board, like Amelia: 😍 maybe Amelia: but love takes effort Jac: I don't know Jac: if I'll ever be ready Jac: so for now, it can take a backseat and that's fine Amelia: yeah, I feel the same way Jac: 🕮 Amelia: 🤓 Jac: *🤓🤓 Amelia: when I wear my glasses it's really not that far off Jac: you look cute in your glasses Amelia: 🤥 you do Amelia: I look like a kids book character Jac: what's wrong with that? Amelia: I'm not trying to bring back 👧🏻 Jac: I liked your hair too Amelia: maybe you need new glasses Amelia: I am going to do something different with it for uni though, I just need to decide Jac: you could never take a compliment Jac: 🟥 🟧 🟨 🟩 🟦 🟪 ⬛️ ⬜️? Amelia: I'll pack them all up in my suitcase and take them to Cork in case I don't like it Jac: just don't start with red then Amelia: I'd never get that out Amelia: even more persistent than you with the compliments Jac: your mum would also think the breakdown had begun so Jac: wouldn't Amelia: she hasn't had me sectioned yet, assumedly it'll take more than rebel red or whatever they've called it Jac: 😂 Jac: you know it's someone like Delia coming up with these names Amelia: they should poach my mum off my dad's reception, she has A LOT to say about what 🧵🧶 colours are named Jac: a new career would keep her busy Jac: empty nest is real Amelia: I did consider getting her a pet but if it's too cute, I won't want to leave Jac: you're so soft Amelia: is that another compliment or an insult? Jac: it's an insult, don't worry Jac: no need for 😳 Amelia: okay Jac: she can have one of the dogs Jac: wouldn't miss the one Amelia: and expose my dad's fake allergy? he's worked so hard on that lie Jac: such a move Jac: suddenly LOVES animals now you're gone Jac: I would Amelia: 😣 Jac: maybe I can convince him Jac: add him to my list, like Amelia: because that doesn't sound like you're about to seduce my dad Jac: only so you can have a dog Jac: excuse you Amelia: I don't want one THAT badly Jac: and I don't want your dad at all, tah Amelia: if you did you'd have kissed him instead of Valentina during your attempt to ruin my life or whatever so yeah, I figured Jac: I forgot who that was Jac: even your girlfriend had an 👵 name Amelia: funnily enough that wasn't why I went out with her Jac: Sure Amelia: at least I know she isn't going to Cork or any uni Jac: Colour me surprised Jac: I remember her being stupid Amelia: you barely remembered her name, she didn't make a lasting impression, clearly Jac: duh Jac: wasn't 😍 Amelia: I know Jac: were you Amelia: all the things you could ask me and you go with one about her? Jac: I'm not on a limit of questions, am I? Amelia: I don't know what you're planning on doing later Jac: got that much to say? Amelia: did you want unlimited quick fire questions? Jac: you don't have to answer Jac: but you haven't Amelia: I wasn't 😍 Jac: okay Amelia: it was just uncomplicated Jac: she was Jac: I get it Amelia: because she was blatant about what she wanted and why Jac: yeah Jac: that's what you needed at the time Amelia: no it wasn't Jac: wanted then Amelia: it was a bad idea in a long line of Amelia: the first distraction Jac: it was a better idea than the alternative at the time Amelia: the alternative was being single so no, that would've been a way smarter move Jac: I meant what I started that night Amelia: well yeah, but we're talking about my decisions and I wasn't going to do that Jac: that would've been too smart, I suppose Amelia: me kissing whatever lad you were with at the time would have been literally the opposite of smart Jac: that's not what I mean Amelia: I know what you mean Jac: it's not blame Jac: it would've been smarter for us all Amelia: yeah Jac: alas Amelia: 💔 Jac: you're alright now Jac: pretty sure you led with that Amelia: I wasn't going to lead with the alternative Jac: yeah Jac: Jude did the same Jac: totally thriving, not at all bullshitting Amelia: Oh great, it's been ages since you compared me to your sister, I've really missed it Jac: I can't help it if your approaches are similar and as blatant to see right through Jac: get better Jac: 😉 Amelia: it was your choice to bring it up to annoy me, which you could easily do better at Jac: well I'm not used to being nice Jac: it'll take me a while to be really good at it Amelia: I'm not used to you giving me a sober compliment, we're both trying new things here Jac: I complimented you before Jac: you act like I never did when we were friends Amelia: forever ago then Amelia: when you were nice Jac: rude but fair Jac: I was never that nice, actually Amelia: I remember you being nice to me Jac: ha Jac: you admitted it Amelia: that you were nice to me when we were friends, yeah, it's right there Jac: mhmm Jac: I see it Amelia: if you're about to accuse me of bullshitting, go on Amelia: be brave Jac: why would I? Amelia: I don't know, to be annoying Jac: I'm not trying to be annoying Jac: so nah Amelia: okay Jac: I'm gonna go to that party Amelia: are you telling me because you want me there or as far away as possible? Jac: I'm just telling you because Jac: but no, if I see you there, I won't run Jac: but if you don't wanna see me, there's the warning Amelia: I'm seeing you tomorrow, just you Amelia: why would I need a warning for seeing you at a party Jac: Parties are a trigger Amelia: lots of things are Jac: it might be different Jac: in person Jac: and I've not been to a party since all I did at parties was get blackout at them and not remember much of the rest so Amelia: I won't go if it's going to make it harder for you Jac: no, that's not Jac: I don't even know if I should Jac: like you said, I can't not join in at Uni, that's not what I want Amelia: you have to start somewhere Amelia: and Jess would go with you if you want moral support from someone who isn't me Amelia: because I'm well aware I've never been great at it Jac: people from school SHOULDN'T fawn after him Jac: the whole playing it cool, knew you before you blew up, moment of it all Jac: but still Amelia: yeah, there's probably a lot of things people from school shouldn't do, but that's a different conversation Amelia: and a long one Jac: maybe I can't be bothered Jac: none of the people will be at uni, that'll take away the need to get completely trashed Amelia: right Jac: fuck it Jac: you go Jac: I'll stay home and knit instead Amelia: 😂 Jac: how hard can it be Amelia: you'll see Jac: judgmental 👵 Amelia: a rare 👵 who is willing to let you make up your own mind Jac: alright ✌🌍❤🕊 Amelia: shut up Jac: you'reso woke Jac: 😂 Amelia: I don't know how well you'll knit, that's all Jac: I don't knit Amelia: not yet Jac: your ma has brainwashed you a bit Amelia: that's why I'm going to the party Amelia: to break her control Jac: 👏 Amelia: alright, no need to take the piss Jac: I'm not Amelia: it's a small and bound to be disappointing step, I know Jac: little bit Amelia: but I don't know where else to start so Jac: it's a good idea Amelia: then why doesn't it feel like one? Jac: how was the last one you went to? Amelia: depressing Jac: that's normal, isn't it Jac: parties are Jac: you reckon you're meant to be having the best time ever and you ain't, that's the mood Amelia: it's lonely Jac: yep Amelia: but anyway Jac: we're both totally fine 👌 Amelia: of course Jac: tomorrow though Amelia: send me a message when you're ready to get picked up or something Jac: Sure thing Jac: See you then Amelia: okay Amelia: 👋

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rainbowglittr · 6 years ago

Text

Senior Year: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"How many times do you think she's going to flip her weave?" I asked Kiara. We were walking to class "with" Tyler and the she-devil. They were ahead of us in their own little world of weave flipping and exaggerated facial expressions.

"Maybe 50 most likely 30 if we're lucky." We both rolled our eyes.

"How long have you liked Tyler?" Kiara asked.

"Hahaha cute. Since......never!" I laughed. " What would make you think that?"

"Um, the way you look at him like he's the last piece of cheesecake in the world. The way you look at Mariah like she's the one who took the last piece of cheesecake."

"I do not! That's not jealousy! That's pure hatred! You need to get your eyes checked." I scoffed.

"Don't you dare lie! I know you do! You hate Mariah 98% because she's a terrible person, and 2% because she's with Tyler and you wish it was you!"

"Um, not true. What is true is that I do like Tyler as a FRIEND, a BROTHER! I don't like that she's with him because he deserves better. Isn't that obvious?"

"That you like him, yes.To people that know you, yes. To people who don't know you, yes."

"I dont know what you're talking about but I do have a class to go to."

"Don't pretend like you don't know. You know you like him."

"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!" I shouted. A couple people turned around, luckily Tyler and Mariah were still in their own world.

"See what you do?"

"No. You're in denial, you're in denial!"

"Nope!!!!!"

"Whatever."

"I'm not even giving up until you admit it."

"Guess you'll spend the rest of your life doing this, then. As much as I'd like to further debate the matter I have a class good day now!" I said running into the class just as the bell rang.

"YOU'LL ADMIT IT EVENTUALLY!!!!"

"NOPE!!!" I yelled back. I made my way to my seat. And unfortunately looked up just in time to watch as Tyler and Mariah kiss. Yuck. He walked in and sat down next to me.

"Hey budddddyyyyy." He said.

"Hi."

"Wow please contain your enthusiasm, it's getting to be too much!"

"I'm in math class, I have no enthusiasm."

"Well then, Ms. RayOfSunshine!"

"I feel like you want something from me....."

"Indeed I do. I'm in some serious shit."

"Aren't you always?"

"That's beside the point. Anyway, Mariah is expecting an amazing date tonight and I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do." He said. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. I REALLY can't stand her.

"Give her an amazing date? I don't know what you want from me."

"Please please help meeeeee. She will kill me if it's not perfect! Come on you're a female, she's a female. You have to have some type of idea." He gave me his stupidly cute hopeful grin.

"Fine, what does she like? What did you do for your last date and did she like it?" I said sighing.

"We went shopping and she loved it and she likes shopping." Again I tried not to roll my eyes, of course she liked shopping, of course.

"Well where did you-"

"Attention Class! Take out your worksheets from last night we are going to go over them right now, please." Said our teacher Ms. Rosenstein. I went to go pull out my homework that I probably did completely wrong and when I looked up at my desk Tyler had passed me a note.

"Really Ty? Really? How desperate are you?"

"VERY!"

I rolled my eyes and scribbled on the paper.

where did you take her last time?

Some mall she wanted to go to. she mentioned some other mall today shore hills or something.

I read it then started to think. He's an idiot it's Short Hills Mall and super expensive.

How much money do you have? I wrote and passed it back.

I don't know enough I hope like 150. I Can borrow some from my brother

Borrow some from your brother take her to SHORT HILLS MALL then take her to one of their "casual restaurants" then BOOM you got a date. P.s.it's Hella expensive!!!!!!! :-)

I wrote and passed it back. Then turned my attention back to math. We we're doing some crazy x over y divide by the radical ridiculousness. Tyler tapped me

"Thank you I love you so much!" He whispered with his hand on my shoulder."

"I know you do. I am me afterall."

"Seriously thanks you're a lifesaver! You're amazing."

I smiled and said "You're not too bad yourself, Ty."

We went back to x over y divide by the radical crap.

_//////////////////////-

Thirty minutes later as soon as the bell rang guess who I saw? If you guessed phony and annoying weave flipper then you guessed right.

"Oh sweetie there you arrrrreeeee!" Her annoying PHONY high pitched voice screeched. I didn't even try to stop my eyes from rolling, I swear her voice make me want to stab my ears out.

"Hey baby. You're looking hot today." More like basic I thought. She really wasn't that cute. She was a couple inches shorter than Tyler who is 6'0. She had very light mocha brown skin. And her weave was dark brown at the roots and slowly turned blonde. I won't lie she was pretty but there wasn't much to her other than that.

"Oh thanks baby. How's my hair?"

"Great."

"Just great? I thought it was at least gorgeous."

"I hate to interrupt the love fest going on here but are we going to lunch or?" I said.

"Oh Jaleia, there you go again, still here. How about YOU walk away and we'll catch up, yeah?" Said Mariah.

"Yeah, I'm not in kindergarten so no need to talk to me like I am. I'll be at lunch. Bye Tyler. BYE Mariah." I said walking away. She makes sick. Like puke, vomit, and bodily fluids. I started walking to the cafeteria, I stopped at my locker. Once I got there I stood at the front of our table. Mariah and Tyler had already gotten there Mariah was sitting in my seat but I ignored her.

"Sup." Said Tyler who was the first to notice my presence.

"Hey Ty." I said. I cleared my throat and spoke in a loud voice.

"Attention table of mis amigos. My birthday is in one week shortly before the dance. This has been your warning."

"I think we all got the text reminder and other not subtle hints." Said Kiara.

"That means I'm doing my job and you will never forget my birthday!" I replied.

"That's cute that you have to remind your friends to remember your birthday. You'd think that they would care enough to remember, but I guess not." Said Mariah. She fake smiled at me.

I smiled back and said "That's cute that you think that you have friends or that they'd care about your birthday."

She glared at me and I have her my "bring it beeyotch" look. She looked at Tyler with puppy dog eyes and whined "she's being rude to me again, baby."

"I thought they taught people to stop whining in like kindergarten but I guess not." I said to Kiara.

"Jaleia that was so uncalled for, can we just be nice for once?" Said Tyler.

"I was telling the truth, number one. Number two, I didn't start anything. If you can't handle the heat stay out the kitchen." I said.

"Seriously!" Said Tyler.

"Watch it pretty boy" I said.

"So where's Jesse?" asked Robyn.

"He's writing said he got inspired and had to write it down right away." Said Tyler. Jesse was super musically talented. He played five instruments, sang, wrote songs. He wants to work in the music business one day. I hadn't heard many of his songs but the ones I have heard were pretty deep. He likes to be alone when he writes, he even has special pens and notebooks for songs and he hardly lets anyone see them.

"Can't wait to hear it." Said Kiara. Mariah's face turned bitter for a moment.

"Well it's nice to get a break from people every once and a while" she said. She didn't like him because he was one of the only guys who weren't impressed by her looks. And didn't try to hide it.

"So when do we get our break from you?" Robyn asked.

Mariah laughed and said "You're so funny!"

"That wasn't a joke but okay." Robyn said. I started laughing. Mariah was glaring at me.

The bell rang and we all got up to leave.

"Bye peeps!" I said. We all split in different directions. Except for me and Tyler, we both had the same gym period.

"Can you try to be nicer Mariah she didn't feel like you like her?" He said.

That's because I don't.

"Yeah well I'm trying, sometimes she does not make it easy." I said.

"I know she is kinda over the top but she's really sweet when you get to know her,I promise."

I doubt that Tyler, I really do.

"I'll give her a chance, okay?"I said.

"Thanks."

"Whatever."

//////////////////////////

Later that night before I went to take a nap my phone vibrated.

I Looked at the screen.

Text From TylerBaeRules:

Great idea she loved it. Thanx :-)

Something panged in my chest as I read those words. I was glad it went well, I really was. I just wished that Tyler realized how terrible she really is and that he would be with someone else better. I don't know why she bugs me so much but she does. Everyone thinks it's because I'm in love with Tyler but that's not true at all. I've managed to get along with all of his past girlfriends. Sure I might be a little disappointed that Mariah takes up most of his time so we don't have time to hang out like we used to but its not because I'm in love with him. Its because he's my best friend and I kinda miss spending time with him. I sighed and flopped on my bed.

Text To TylerBaeRules:

no prob. Anytime, glad you had a great time! :-)

Text From TylerBaeRules:

G2g at her house ;-)

Text To TylerBaeRules:

Eww.....bye!

Text From TylerBaeRules:

Prude! Don't be mad......

Text To TylerBaeRules:

YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!!!! :-[

He didnt respond. Two seconds later I got another text.

Text From KiaraBestie:

I know you like him.

Text To: KiaraBestie

What's in the past is in the past.

#black writers #writer on tumblr #writer #writing #my writing #blackgirlmagic #black love #teen #young #young adult #wattpad #high school #fiction #friendship #friends

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kitsunes-multiverse · 3 years ago

Text

Secrets of a Therapist

Chapter 2: After the Appointment

Warnings: None

Upon arriving home, Jesse could hear nothing but silence for a few moments. He hummed a little, stepping closer into the house. For some reason, a lot of the lights were dimmed. Before long, he could faintly hear some type of ambiance coming from the living room. Poking his head in through the doorway, he could immediately see the glow of the TV.

Silently walking in, he looked at the image that was on the television. Almost immediately, he realized what was going on. Alice was trying to scare Carrie with a horror movie. They were watching 'The Ring', and at the moment the video tape scene was playing. (I actually went to watch The Ring clips for this, lol)

"Are you trying to scare your sister again, Alice?" Jesse suddenly asked, making both girls shriek with fear. They both whipped their heads around, immediately seeing the familiar red eyes of their father. Alice placed her hand on her heart, panting from the sudden adrenaline rush. "DAD, WHAT THE HELL!! YOU SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF US!" She yelled, as Carrie shook a bit beside her.

"I'm pretty sure it's because you two were watching a horror movie, but alright then." Jesse stated, before pointing to the glass jar on the table. "Also, swear jar." He added.

Alice grumbled under her breath, putting in two quarters this time. Carrie got off the couch, walking over to Jesse and hugging him. She was admittedly rather spooked by the movie, and just about anyone could easily see as much. Jesse sighed, picking her up. "Care to explain to me why the two of you thought this was a good idea?" He asked.

"Alice said she found a really cool movie, so we decided to watch it. She never said what kinda movie it was though..." She explained, before looking up at her father with anxiety. "T-The tape in the movie was cursed... D-Does that mean Alice and I will d-die in seven days too?" She shakily asked, eyes welling up with tears.

"No, no, of course you won't. It's just a movie. It isn't real- I promise you." Jesse responded, wiping her tears away. "Besides, I wouldn't let anything happen to you two." He stated, smiling a bit.

Carrie snuggled into him as Alice plopped back onto the couch, turning the TV off as she did so. "So dad- how'd it go?" She asked. "I'd say it went pretty well. The place is nice, the therapist was easy to talk to, and apparently they're allowed to have a cat." Jesse responded, setting Carrie down.

The little girl's eyes lit up with excitement. "She has a cat?! Is it cute?!" She excitedly asked. "Oh yeah, Mallory DID mention something about that. I wasn't sure how true it was though- I thought maybe it was a stray." Alice remarked.

"Heh, yes. From what I could tell, he was a very affectionate cat. The second he realized I was there, he was just asking for attention." Jesse responded. "I'm actually going back there next week." He stated, sitting on one of the couches.

"Oh, nice. Glad it worked!" Alice chirped. "What'd you guys talk about anyway?" Carrie piped up. "Oh, not much really. Just you two, and a little about her son. Apparently he's your age, Carrie." Jesse responded, smiling as Carrie let out an excited gasp.

"I get to make a new friend?! Can you ask your therapist lady if we can meet her and her son?" She asked, grape eyes practically sparkling. "I'll see what I can do." Jesse replied, ruffling her hair.

"Yayy!" Carrie cheered. "What's her son's name, anyways?" Alice asked. Jesse paused, trying to remember. "You know, I don't believe I asked. She brought him up in the conversation, but I don't think she mentioned his name." He stated. "I'll ask her next week."

"Though you know, I really do wonder what she is. I mean- aside from human." He commented. "Wait- what's that mean?" Alice asked.

"It means she has a... tail, of some kind. Though, it wasn't like a cat or a dog... I'm not sure what it was." Jesse explained, before shrugging.

"Who knows, maybe I'll learn more about her the next time we meet up."

#stories #Secrets of a Therapist #Like Veins Beneath the Town #the well speaks to me #they watch from the walls

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake, and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more. But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

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