#yes it's been over two years what of it
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Chapters: 10/? Fandom: ER (TV 1994) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Elizabeth Corday & Luka Kovač, Luka Kovač/Abby Lockhart Characters: Elizabeth Corday, Luka Kovač, Abby Lockhart, John Carter (ER TV 1994), Ella Greene, Rachel Greene, Chuny Marquez, Maggie Wyczenski Additional Tags: Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Luka Kovač/Abby Lockhart, mentions of Abby Lockhart/John Carter, Domestic Fluff, Mark Greene/Elizabeth Corday (past) Summary:
Elizabeth Corday is weary and exhausted, figuring out her new life as a widowed, single mother of one and a surgeon. She's grieving and lonely. Luka is doing his own grieving, dealing with the lingering pain of losing his wife and children years before and losing Abby more recently. They each desperately need a friend who can understand.
Friendship fic between Luka and Elizabeth, set in season nine-not a Luka and Elizabeth romance.
Interlude One: Abby
What has Abby been thinking this whole time? Here’s a peek.
#er#nbc er#er fic#luka kovač#elizabeth corday#abby lockhart#luby#luby ff#luka/abby#friendship fic#now for the abby pov#yes it's been over two years what of it#mine
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not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.
#like I know we’ve been talking about it here on tumblr and i remember seeing like one or two videos on tt about it#but other than that creators really don’t seem to be engaging critically with the impact that the very nature of what they’re doing has#and look i truly do love the art that some of the people involved in the project make#like arone is truly one of the most talented cosplayers i know#ethan is an amazing actor and I’ve followed him since before he was even in the marauders#dorian is a great writer and idk the others as well but I’m sure they are all great artists#((naming the just cause i feel like being vague would be worse in this case))#and i do believe they engaged with the project with the best of intentions#without knowing or trying to afford grace on past controversy#and it truly is a horrible predicament to have your work be tainted like that for something you had no control over#but like i do think we should be questioning the very idea of how this fanfilms have been made is inherently a problem#like fanfilms are essentially fanfiction on camera#so as long as a few cosplayers want to get together with their iphones write a script and shoot at the local park I don’t have a problem#but if you are putting in place a product that somehow requires you to fundraise consistently for two years then I have a problem with it#ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SELLING THE SCRIPT TO DO SO#cause even if that script hadn’t been ai generated#that script is fanfiction and you do. not. sell. fanfiction.#seriously like… do we need to go over our abc again?#like fanart and cosplayers are a bit different in the sense that people sell fanart/do commissions and they can be professional cosplayers#but for any other fanmade project that requires you to put pen to paper (or keyboard to chatgpt ig)#you need to be engaging with several ethical questions regarding any exchange of money#and personally i don’t think that there’s been engagement with those ethical reflections#and this isn’t about any of the people involved and not even about mischief productions specifically#it’s about a wider issue in how we have been collectively normalizing a way of doing things that should not be normal#and like yes star using ai and being overall not good is bad but like can we talk about EVERYTHING ELSE please
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The Rosemary Tree is the first time I've had to put down a book so I could sob over how beautiful it was.
#elizabeth goudge how do you keep doing this?#her books are such a strange thing for me#either they're 'yes it's pretty but could you please get to the point and have something happen?'#or i am slammed with waves and waves of intense overwhelming emotion so i almost can't stand how deeply it affects me#i think it helps to read it at the same time of year the story occurs#the dean's watch during advent was a life-changing experience#and now reading this book in march is having a very similar effect#i actually had to go in a room by myself to properly cry#because someone caught me tearing up#and how could i begin to explain that i'm sobbing my heart out because miss giles is reading the secret garden?#i've cried over sad moments in books but i've never felt anything like this#such intense joy and sorrow all mixed in so you can't tell which emotion is causing the tears#it's been like two hours since that happened and i'm still shook#my world is upended#and i'm being reminded in an entirely new way of what really great literature can do#the rosemary tree#elizabeth goudge
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yknow what i'd love to see more of in Ghostbusters?
the og Ghostbusters having little mentor moments for the new Ghostbusters
Loved that Ray was along for the ride in Frozen Empire, he wanted to get stuck back in, and he wanted to help Pheobe and Podcast with the mystery
but it would've been great if just occasionally Ray (or Peter, or Winston, though they weren't interacting with the new guys on a personal level much) just dropped a couple of tips he'd learnt from his time, or just helpful anecdotes from back in the day - the kind that you're confused by at the moment but later make you go "oh shit, that's why they told me"
#rambles#ghostbusters#ghostbusters frozen empire#I know we see them like a year or two into official ghostbusting so they already had most of the mentor moments#but god i think it wouldve just been fun to see little moments#Trevor getting confused by antics or plans and winston just being like#look - if you think it's ridiculous i find it's best to shut down#the idea before ray gets too excited by it#“what if that doesnt work?”#“pray that your body won't ache in every way by tomorrow”#or ray looking over an ancient artefact (like that sphere) and nodding being like#it's from [insert ancient civilisation]. you can tell by#the language#and podcast (or pheobe) asking “how can you tell? it's similar to [insert other language]”#yes but you can tell by the curve of these symbols. trust me kid - when you have to research dead langauges a hundred times a week for#years you start to tell the difference. I actually made a handy-dandy reference sheet to make it easier#idk what tips or stuff Peter would give - he's giving “use talcum powder and double socks for those boots. youll thank me later” energy
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what kills me is that hannibal very clearly wants to be a provider and caregiver, but he just cant be because he can’t give up control over those he cares for
#hanniblogging#imo his drive for killing and eating his victims is yes to establish superiority over them#but what does that do? it establishes his control over them#over who? literally anyone. which means everyone. literally everyone#if anyone can be a victim the moment they cross hannibal then what does that really say. imo it says that hannibal views EVERYONE#as a potential threat#im sure he tells himself hes a god exacting old testament justice but man i dont think a god complex would sustain you this long tbh#you didnt slice beverly up and encase her in glass for the fbi to see to flaunt your power over them#they were already too close. he already lost control#beverly GOT INTO HIS FUCKING HOUSE#THE TRAINEE GIRL WHOS NAMR IM BLANKING ON JUST SAW HIS DRAWINGS AND SHE GOT TRAPPED FOR TWO YEARS!!#he let williford graham slice him up and put him behind glass and hes fucking terrified#hes bending over backwards as a warning and to scrabble for some kind of control over all of humanity bc he views everyone as a threat#bc he learned early on that everyone IS a threat. your parents wont protect you. your countrymen wont protect you. you can love someone and#they can use you while youre vulnerable with no guilt or shame#but those he cares for he also needs control over because they will be taken from you at a moments notice#so their free will doesnt really matter when youve been in fight or flight mode for 40 years straight and are convinced#they will be consumed if you dont consume them first
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Sometimes I watch this episode and I sit on it, on this scene in particular , think about it so hard because its simplicity holds such a … Subtly tragical tone I ended up catching on my second rewatch (of thousand). And, you know, on my third rewatch it kinda started hurting.
Looking back at the whole season and the way Junpei and Izumi have been written in their arcs and their resolution, I think Junpei eventually remains the loneliest of the lonely between them and it just sucks how Izumi got to open about her solitude to him, then she got support from everyone else and truly felt included in a family, whereas Junpei just had to put up with his struggles on his own, fighting against his own shadow throwing mean truths at him.
This scene in particular is really harsh on him and in my opinion it kinda needed a sort of continuation in the form of a parallelism. Junpei and Izumi are the Frontier relationship that got most amount of those, especially in the bridge from ep 4 to this episode. They got a very linear development always making it clear how they are different sides of the same coin, how they are a mirror to each other and can grow up thanks to looking at the most uncomfortable masks of themselves through each other. So, it’s absolutely a shame the writers allowed Izumi to get away with that.
“Don’t talk like you know!”
Izumi, you just don’t know anything about him.
Still, the most bittersweet and, again, extremely tragical detail is that back then, Junpei didn’t even know he was as lonely as her, either. He just lies down on the grass, staring at her while letting her viciously vent at him. He’s concerned about her outburst, but doesn’t really realize he’s as miserable as her, if not even more miserable, because tell me if it’s not just sad to be a kid believing to have thousand of friends around him, be totally blind about the greyness your life is actually dominated by. He can’t acknowledge the reason why he followed Izumi on the train in a first place was connected to how lonely he felt she was. As lonely as him.
You can laugh about this statement of mine but, seriously, they pulled a sort of Mr Gatsby character here.
On a brighter note, though, I also like wondering if what Izumi says in the very first drama isn’t a hint about how she eventually understood that as well. “You have got lot on your mind but like keeping it all inside”. Maybe, just maybe, she also came to feeling all the stuff he concealed behind his magical tricks.
Honestly, how depressing Junpei’s backstory is. We just got to see a little of it and it still hit home.
#junpei shibayama#izumi orimoto#junzumi#digimon frontier#junpei#izumi#you know the more Joseph made me notice these things the more I started realizing years ago I would have hated him#I feel Junpei’s story so deeply#all the consequences such a life had on him are so realistic it makes me suffer#the way the writers just built him in the subtlest way as possible is so annoying#I feel like they always treated Izumi much better but despite flashbacks over flashbacks she just fell flat#she could have been a story of so much more and yet it just stays there to me#oh yes Izumi rejected the girl who wanted to go to the toilet together#INSTEAD JUNPEI????#I will recall the rain scene and my heart will fall?????#I’m so down for what these two could have been so thank you Frontier for having given me a past time#analyses#gifs
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how people thought Harv would react to learning Bruce was Batman: YOU BETRAYED ME WHAT THE FUCK ? all these years how could you ? you ruined my life ! how Harv actually reacted : *shaking sobbing crying* I know you're Batman please lock me away or do something before Two Face finds out . I need you , I don't want him to hurt you . how people thought Twos would react to finding out Bruce was Batman : YOU BETRAYED ME WHAT THE FUCK ? all these years how could you ? you ruined my life ! Now perish . Two Face: Hot . alright lets go save his ass ...
#◖𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 & 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬 / 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 .#this was LITERALLY IT#of course I'm referencing ram v's latest entries here but man yeah this is what happened like two face just wanted to know why harv always#sobs shakes vomits over batman like “ why is it so deep about batcreep with you ? ” and now he knows and he's not even mad#twos literally like “ oh our soulmate ? ”#i feel like there's been some growth like had this occured in their younger years then yes it would be filled with confusion and anger but#two face literally mellowed out a bit in that he at least takes Harv's immediate relationships to account and those who show they care for#them#and lets be real twos knowing bruce's true duality = twos thinking that's hot as fuck#he just wanted to know because he hates being left out of things too don't keep secrets from your alter in your own head harv >:/
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"why is kip sabian wrestling orange cassidy again they do it too many times"
this is the fifth match in over a year. you think thats too much? just admit you hate good chemistry and love and shut the fuck up
#this is why i dont read twitter ive made a mistake ough#just. this is just a bad take? its not even one on one on friday it hasnt been since the botb title match. over a year ago#and pre injury stuff shouldnt count yes that feud was a little bloated but that was 2020 to 2021 and plagued with injuries#i think we can forgive that you know#but like. saying 'they are wrestling too many times' is like? do you even watch the product?#so everyone else can have a long term story and multiple matches but not these two who genuinely work amazing together in the ring??#im sorry im mad its just. im finally getting something after literally months and people complain and say its 'too much'#fuck you#wrestling musing#the dislike and hatred wrestling fans have for kip is just mind boggling to me like. i dont understand#whats fucking wrong with you#counted my matches wrong also but only if you count the battle royale as one. i guess you do since it had the cuddle moments but yeah#five is still a single digit and one handed number. too many my fucking ass
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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It's just how gameplay shook out for me but I reached max affinity with MacCready helping a ghoul kid find out what happened to his family and MAN sometimes things that work out so perfect that you WISH you'd wrote it or done it on purpose 😭🖤 Two very sad Dads doing the best for their sons helping ANOTHER lost kid find home because they can't be with their own kids right now but they can help Billy, dammit!
#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#kat plays fo4#Also oh my GOD Mac's lines with a successful flirt are sooooo 😭😭😭😭🖤🖤🖤🖤 THE LITTLE SOLDIER TOO OH MAN 😭🖤#That's my BOY <3 <3!!!!#Two very sad Dads bonding over their iced wives and love for their sons. Also they're uncles for Billy now IDC how things shake out#(and I don't know how things end yet either)#I literally had to exit the game and pace around after Mac's soft ass romance lines MY BOY 😭#Anyways Uncle Sam and Uncle Butch are looking after Duncan I LOVE the HC that the Lone Wanderer looks after Duncan#And while Mac went back to give Duncan the medicine Michael did a bunch of stuff building up settlements n stuff#And got to the bottom of whatever the hell is going on with Eddie Winter#it didn't happen in game but it happened in cannon. TO ME.#anyways back to playing but I NEEDED to IMMEDIATELY pace around the house after hearing Mac's lines in addition to BILLY#There should be more kid ghouls in Fallout cannon what a TRAGIC thing to be. Frozen at 10(ish) years old forever. MAN. poor kid.#(yes I did have Mac's story spoiled for me but like. it's fine I'm fine I'm not someone who SUPER cares about spoilers)#I would say I'm gnawing on the bars of my enclosure about this but I'm actually physically tearing them apart about this#AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#anyways this has been a babble
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Honestly, my stance on antisemites is that I wish for them what they wish for jews. If you are willing to give up your sense of humanity as a trade-in for the hatred and destruction of your fellow human, it seems like a fair price to pay. I've gotten caught up in, generally, finding any way to treat antisemites better than they treat us/jews as a whole, but... they are the ones who traded in a piece of humanity for a selfish, ulterior motive.
#jumblr#jewish politics#antisemitism tw#and even this isn't fully encapsulating what i think and how i feel#but if you wish for the destruction of an entire people... i think it's fair for me to notice that at the least#i try my absolute best however to avoid this in the sense that i do want people to stop being antisemitic#i say 'us' as in i have been targeted with antisemitism - in different ways yes however i'm beyond reproach in many ways i have found#i've said this before but that realization made me fully accept that my only path is forward#antisemitism is a tried and untrue theory of humanity. you (general) have had over two thousand years to learn better#and with that it just shows it's ONLY ever about the hatred. i have no interest in entertaining that#and it's like... if this reads as a threat perhaps investigate that. i don't know.#because there is a difference between malice and ignorance#and if you see malice in 'i just wish for whatever they wish against us/them' that's... i guess telling#because i know when i was just an ignorant person completely detatched from judaism i would see this as just...#...basically just an expression of 'what goes around comes around'. because i never wished ill for jews ever in my heart or soul.#because i saw jews as my inherent equal - inherent PEOPLE who have the exact same worth as i did
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btw after four years i finally finished all data from my iberian-inspired fakemon region. if you even care
#i might start ybraposting again soon who knows#i also have this crave to do pixel art and actually make maps and try to make this a game but i dunno how much this crave will last tbh#i made pixelart back in the day when i was in deviantart so. it's been a while#idk let's see what happens#anyways now that i have the final product#i can say. my fake region is ybra#where pokémon rose and carnation take place (very funny that they are named after the two last canon professors)#yes i know clavell isn't a professor but you know what i mean#i believe i started working on this during gen vii so. lol#anyways. we have ybra as the main region#BUT#there will be three dlcs after you complete the main story#yes three!!! honestly there were only two until i realized i left out a big part of iberia in my original plan for ybra for some reason#and these past days i've been making a region inspired by the kitakami dlc hehe#anyways onto the three dlcs. they are.#1) the glory of ossana. this takes you to ossana. based on southern france aka occitania aka whatever is between kalos and ybra#you have 5 gyms to beat here all thematic (for example there's one specialized on starters and the last one is specialized on legendaries)#of course being next to kalos there'll be references to it. the pokedex has pokemon both from ybra and kalos. and you'll get a new rival#for this region: serena - champion of kalos#also after beating the gym leaders you might get to battle a certain giant man that's 3000+ years old#2) the islands of the muses. this wouldn't make sense if you don't know the main story of the games. but basically throughout the game#you encounter these girls call the muses that protect the access to this dangerous evil pokemon#well. in this dlc you'll visit the homeland#based on the canary islands. each muse has an island associated to them (kinda. cause there's 7 islands)#there's also a mythical pokemon encountered in each territory of the muse and a mini storyline dedicated to it#also these islands are open world!!! and each island has its own pokedex#after beating all the muses and completing all their quests you'll be able to fight mnemosyne their mother and (spoiler) previous champion#3) (the new one!!!!) mysteries of lurmamua. you'll travel to this secluded land called lurmamua based on euskal herria when these mysteries#have been happening just as the region is preparing for an international film festival that is sure to attract tons of celebrities#from all over the world!!!
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Sorry just remembered like over ten years ago my sister tried to play Oppression Olympics™ between Sasuke and Neji, claiming Sasuke's had a harder life and like yeah his entire family was killed and his brother made him watch it and that sucks.
Neji's family literally owns him.
Look I don't want to compare them or anything, and having to watch your family die is, objectively awful, but being actively kept as a slave by your own family is also an objectively awful thing lol
#Naruto#Neji Hyuga#Sasuke Uchiha#and like also Sasuke lives in pain from what happened because he actively chooses to let it consume him#that's like a major character flaw of his#it's literally his entire motivation for joining Orochimaru#like losing his family and being forced to watch was a one-time event that Sasuke *actively* refuses to move on from#(two-time if you count the time he at twelve years old picked a fight with Itachi and thought he'd win for some reason)#Neji however lives suffering because he quite literally has no choice#Neji doesn't have a choice in being a slave that's just what his life is#I'm not trying to claim that one has it worse than the other#but I feel like that context is also pertinent#yes I've been kind of bitter about this for over 10 years lol#but I will *never* get over my sister's ''oh well what does *Neji* have to be miserable about?'' comment#it's like ''he's literally a slave boo'' lol#there were other characters she was comparing him too at the time but Sasuke was the big one haha#trash king rambles#actually you know what I'll say it#compared to basically every other ''tragic backstory'' character in the series#Sasuke's is actually pretty tame#yeah he lost his family but at least pretty much everyone still loves him#Kimimaro was raised in a cage and then also watched his entire family die#Gaara's dad tried to assassinate him several times and his entire village despised him#Naruto was treated like a literal monster by basically the entire village and he also has no family#Sasuke's just the most dramatic of the Trauma Orphans™ honestly like get over it lol
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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i do kind of miss how funny it was when my entire impression of doflamingo was ‘fresno nightcrawler + scariest dude i’ve ever been around at a rave’
#one piece#cursed one piece#donquixote doflamingo#on the other hand he’s MUCH more interesting than that#very well written character (both dq brothers are)#i still want to put him in a jar but now he’s managed to fully engage the analytical part of my brain too#wanna pull those strings a bit to see what direction he skitters in#it’s so funny bc literally all it would have taken to reign him in is a world where absolute power over others was not possible#borked his reward pathways completely to hell in that two extra years he had as a world noble#and now it’s everyone’s problem#is he terrible on purpose? yes#but i would also argue that the big pink man has always been playing the part he’s been given to play
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