#yes it was the day before my weekend but that wasnt by choice??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

17gz · 3 months

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do you mind me asking what just happened w you guys’ roommate? of course lmk if youd rather not talk about it, i just didnt wanna ask about the situation through replies and thought itd be better to ask here in case youd wanna answer privately 🙁 regardless i hope you two are okay

tldr:

a friend i've known for 6 years + the two of us moved into this apartment last summer

i'd lived w this friend a few years before this and i thought they'd grown and worked on shit (boy was i wrong)

things were okay in the first half of our lease, minor problems but it seemed like we had a good foundation laid out for living together and we had plans to renew when this current lease ended

abt 4 months ago, my roommate met this person off a dating app and they basically immediately got together and their partner showed up one day and never left

even after trying to put boundaries down abt this, they didnt listen to any of it

i also don't trust their partner bc everyone thats met them has caught some of their lies. their entire story doesnt check out

the partner (on the day our friend found recent texts on their phone to their ex) got evicted from their old place bc they couldnt pay rent and they kinda cornered us and "asked" if their partner could live with us (not paying any rent btw) and we had rly no choice but to say yes

on top of that, their partner has been fatphobic and shitty and disrespectful to us on a near daily basis. nobody in my friends life likes this partner, not their parents or any of their friends, and especially us. i tried talking to my friend about this and they acted like they took it seriously but clearly didn't...

shit kept building after they were making us feel uncomfortable and intrusive in our own apartment for 4 months, and initially i said we could renew the lease since $875 rent per person sounded tempting + i found this unit + i like this unit + i hate moving, but it just really wasnt a good idea

the final straw was my friends partner being extremely rude and disrespectful to my high school friend during pride (my hs friend is a trans woman) and when we talked to them about it, they denied everything and deflected so fucking hard, we were completely fed up with it and realized that 4 months of this has been hell and i can't do another 12 months of this

last tuesday, we told them that we would not be renewing our lease, which ends july 30. we apologized about the late notice, and explained our side and tried to be as sympathetic and helpful as possible abt them renewing the lease with other roommates, but they were upset and i get being upset, so i was giving them some space etc

we made our conversation as mature and non aggressive as possible, ive been trying to stay as collected and polite as physically possible, especially since we are the only two men in this unit

they started being extremely passive aggressive and rude and awful to us throughout the past week, and even when i was helping them figure shit out with our landlord etc, they were still so rude to us... i mean slamming doors and stomping their feet and rolling their eyes when we walk past and deadbolting the door when we leave the apartment etc

after so much hostility etc in this unit, we stayed with mutual friends for the weekend and we told them abt everything and they were all extremely supportive and said we were not at all in the wrong for this, and that we have been extremely patient with them for so long. even a friend i didnt expect to side with us was 100% on our side and wants to talk to them one on one

we're in the process of applying for a new unit and fingers crossed we can move out asap. we started properly packing today, and during that, our friend asked to talk to us

they asked what we left out of our convo and what personal issues we had, i said i'm not comfortable talking about that until we're in our separate apartments and things have cooled down more. they were really mad that i was firm on that, they accused us of creating the tension and hostility in the apartment, despite the fact that we have actively been avoiding causing shit because our stress levels are through the roof and they're already demonizing us to others bc we put down a boundary, i can't be petty etc and give them an actual reason to demonize us.

as we kept talking, they were like. shaking with rage with a smile on their face and saying passive aggressive shit to us and saying we need to move out sooner than our planned move out date...

important context: my dad is the guarantor, i found this unit, and 99% of the furniture etc we have here is ours.

(disclaimer before i say this, i know various people with BPD. people that will take accountability for their actions and take steps to work on their coping mechanisms and behavior etc.) but this "friend" has BPD that they use as an excuse for every single one of their shitty actions and does not take any responsibility for their behavior. their partner, as far as i know, is not diagnosed with anything and while i'm no psychiatrist, i've had 3 diff people (including my actual psychiatrist) say this is telltale NPD. again not to say that makes you a terrible person, but when you don't take any steps to work on yourself etc and harm others around you, thats what i take issue with. its the definition of a volatile BPD + NPD relationship...

ive also been there for this friend more times than i can count. i've wiped so much snot and tears from their face, i've put aside my own shit to help them and i've done so much for them. thats rarely been reciprocated... they do not give a shit about us and it completely showed today when they talked to us and it became clear they were trying to financially trap us here and they're furious that we put a boundary down. they treat us like their parents, their therapists, and their savings account, and if we EVER did something like that to them, the fallout would be nuclear.

i'm literally shaking typing this and hearing them come out of their room slamming doors and shit. i don't know what they're capable of, and i don't know if they're planning on doing anything, but im afraid because i don't know. i've been having nonstop panic attacks recently and the living situation here is adding immense stress on top of the apt hunting process and moving process. i feel fucking sick genuinely

i'm sure i've left a LOT out, but its been nightmarish here

#sorry for the word vomit. im extremely on edge

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dashiellqvverty · 2 years

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anyway i have been feeling like garbage all day bc i vowed yesterday that i would take a mental health (+ period cramps) day after i cried during my shift yesterday and anyway i called when i woke up and the fucking new manager picked up and was like “okay well just bring a doctors note to your next shift :)” and like this is the second time i’ve called out ever since i started the job at the end of may which is maybe still too often but like he doesnt know me and my other managers LIKE me lmao like i am a person who is terrified of skipping things its not something i DO unless i need to. and i Needed this i know i did. did i say i was sick to my stomach? yes. am i having a bad stomach time for real today? also yes. am i going to GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR THAT? no. is it literally policy to stay home if we are throwing up or have diarrhea? yes. (did i have a job interview this morning and want to go home and rest? also yes.)

anyway it absolutely fucking ruined my mental health day so thats fucking karma i guess on top of the guilt i already had over screwing my coworkers over. also i spent all afternoon running errands for my mom who has covid so like. idk. would be great if the birth control im on to make my period symptoms less bad actually Did That.

#anyway i was like oh i wasnt planning on going to the doctor im just sick to my stomach but i will try :)#anyway i hope he gets food poisoning and has to get a fucking doctors note for it :)#theyre literally not allowed to require that #for one day off.#yes it was the day before my weekend but that wasnt by choice???#every time i think about it my stomach drops i hate this guy. hes like barely 20 years old like shut up dude #like i techincally have earned sick time but i didnt. ask to use it?? idek how that works. the one other time i called out i didnt get paid #and thats what all the info about the policies is about #not being able to come to work bc youre sick just. happens. like dont pay me whatever you dont get screwed at all!!!#r.txt

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violetnotez · 3 years

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matchup for drew | JJK

Request a matchup here

Hey babe! So I match you up with....

ＩｎｕｍａｋｉＴｏｇｅ

Look at this pretty boy like ughhh youre so lucky 😭

Inumaki is incredibly loyal-he wouldn’t ever ever give you a reason not to trust him

Also, don’t let his quietness fool you-he is a total trickster/prankster and will always be doing something silly to get you to laugh

He really likes training with you-to him it’s quite therapeutic and a great way to bond with you

But he’s cheeky at times if your doing close combat-he’ll just quickly plant a kiss on your cheeks to get you distracted so he can pin you down 💀

He thinks it’s amazing you’re so skilled in so many sports-it takes a lot to train, and he respects it a lot!

The one he really wanted you to teach him was rollerskating-one day he’d just walk into your room, hand holding a pair of new skates and just plainly saying “Tuna?”

Tuna meaning Please teach me, I know you’re busy but I’m bored and I just wanna have some fun please please please 🥺

He caught on to it really quickly, and in no time you two were blasting music and making trips to the grocery store for some sweets as quick little dates

Inumaki at one point tried to teach Panda and Maki, but Panda was totally decked out in headgear and shoulder pads and still ate shit every 2 seconds 💀

When he first met you, he honestly wasn’t really that intimidated

He still got that nervous rush of meeting someone new, but he was used to meeting intimidating girls-Nobara and Maki being perfect examples of that

Maki was so relieved to have another girl, and you two hit it off amazingly-you two would always be paired together cause you work great off each other as partners and as friends

Panda is just so lovingly protective for you, like if you feel uncomfy in public at times or just feel awkward in general, he’s right there to just give some support 🖤

He just approached you like he would with them, just a quick nod of his head and maybe a reply like “Bonito flakes” to be respectful

He is really intrigued by you-he’s naturally curious, how could he not when he has someone new and pretty in front of him~

But he gave you space, not wanting to intrude or make you uncomfy

But once you begin to open up, OH MY GOD he is so happy!

You get along well with his friends, it’s almost hard to imagine you not being in there friend group at one point-

Whenever something makes you smile, he starts noticing it makes him feel all fluttery inside,,,

Or when he is able to make you chuckle, he finds himself smiling but so grateful he’s able to hide his cheeks with his clothing-

He isn’t oblivious, he obviously knows he caught feelings but he’s super scared to say anything

Cause-how could he even tell you? It’s not like he could just walk up to you and say “Let’s go on a date-“

You could say no and reject him....or even worse, he could make a terrible choice of words and force you on a date by accident with his cursed technique

The 2nd option was too terrifying to him, so he opted to text you a picture of him holding a sign that says “Date?” like a prom proposal, his lilac eyes unable to look at the screen

He definitely begged Panda to take it, cause the picture was pretty fuzzy and theres a furry finger on a corner of the photo

But you thankfully said yes, and Inumaki took you to a roller skating rink, thinking you’d feel comfortable there to hang out. Which was a great plan, until Toge realized he didn’t know how to rollerskate

Panic ensues

The whole time he was desperately trying to repeat to himself “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall-“ and still look cool at the same time 💀

It was still cute though, and after you helping him out a bit he caught on very quickly

Still did fall a few times, but when you would giggle and help him up he felt a lot better about it 🥺

Needless to say, was probably the main reason he asked you later on to teach him how to skate properly 💀

And also the main reason your guys’ second date was at a very flat forest with little shrines and fish ponds to look into

Inumaki reallllyyyy craves physical touch, but he never forces it upon you

At the beginning of your relationship, it was really delicate touches, from intertwining pinkies to resting his head on your shoulder

But then it slowly became more and more as you two got more comfortable

This dude will just full on run behind you and wrap his arms around you if hes tired

Or snatch your hand and squeeze it tightly if hes afraid you might be in danger

Does this really cute thing where he puts his forehead on yours and stays there for a sec- dont ask him why he does it, he’ll start blushing but he just likes feeling close to you like that 🥺

Songs for Your Relstionship: Paradise by Coldplay, Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran, Timeless by We Three

Drabble:

“Toge, what are you doing-and when did you get those?” you questioned, your eyes scrunched up in confusion as you eyed the white haired boy in front of you.

Inumaki was standing in your doorway, his jacket zipped up fully so only his violet eyes were visible. In his hands were a pair of roller skates, the wheels a clear plastic while the shoes being a periwinkle blue.

All he did was simply walked into your room, knowing it like the back of hand from countless visits as he picked up your skates that had been left on the floor from the day before. He simply held out both pairs, one simple word of “Tuna” presented out of his mouth.

Your eyebrows furrowed even more, head tilting slightly as you shifted on your bed.

What the hell did he want you to....

“Do you want me....to teach you how to roller skate?”

You saw him instantly light up, obviously ecstatic you had understood him so quickly. He simply nodded his head once as confirmation, violet eyes wide with relief and anticipation.

Inumaki had been bristling to get back in those skates after he had done such a disastrous attempt at your first date. Everytime he thought about how much he had fallen he always internally cringed, almost able to still feel the bruises on his rear that lasted days after.

You had looked so graceful and so happy that day, like you were gliding on top of water as you did laps around the rink or simply to just pick him off the ground after he had eaten shit. He wanted to be able to do that with you, to be able to have picnic dates at the park or just glide over to a store to buy some sweets and ice cream-he had so many cute ideas planned it was almost overwhleming.

He just needed to learn how to skate without painting his body in bruises first.

“Oh, Toge, Im so sorry-” he heard you saw, his heart falling slightly at the sound of guilt in your voice, “but I have some assingments I have to finish....maybe we can do it this weekend?”

That happy expression he had had a few moments before faltered slightly, his lips pursed and nose scrunched under his jacket.

But Inumaki was persistent-he wasnt one to take no for an answer, especially when he knew how to get what he wanted with a few dirty tricks.

Toge took a few steps towards you, his knee landing on top of your bed and making it dip under his weight, wrapping his arms around you in an inescapable hug.

Inumaki was pretty clever, as he knew it was hard for you to resist him when he was being clingy. He simply nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, white hair tickling your jawline, hands squeezing your sides gently.

You sighed, rolling your eyes slightly with an amused smirk as your propped yourself on your elbows and looked down at your boyfriend, who was clearly milking it to get what he wanted.

“Youre not gonna let go unti l say yes, huh?”

Inumaki picked his head up, violet eyes soft yet mischeivously as he shook his head gently-

This brat wasnt going to let go until you did exactly what he wanted.

You sighed exaperatedly, looking up at the ceiling as you felt Inumaki chuckle against your stomach.

“Fine then...” you gave in, finding it adorable how quickly his face light up.

“-But you have to buy me snacks and be my study partner for the rest of the night.”

Toge instantly smiled, the crinkles of the expression showing around his eyes. Getting you to teach him how to roller skate, and have a study date right after? This day was getting better and better for him.

“Salmon!” he agreed quickly, shuffling off of your form and handing you your skates- you were going to make him a pro after today, and he was more than ready.

I hoped you liked these, and thank you for requesting!! <3

#matchup #matchup comission #jjk #jjk matchup #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen matchup #inumaki x reader #inumaki matchup

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket Manga Review (ch 90-91)

Since I discussed the first few pages of ch-90 that contains kyo & tohru in my previous preview, this one will only be kyoko’s story.

Kyoko’s story brilliantly explores the effects of unhealthy domestic environment on children without the use of the zodiac curse as a metaphor for abuse. My first-reaction of kyoko’s story is the following:

I really enjoyed how kyoko’s descend into darkness was explored & how the psychologically-informed writing of her behavior was depicted.

I was troubled by how Katsuya was presented as the magical solution to all her problems. Kyoko was saved by romantic love in a more basic writing than machi. Both girls just needed a guy to listen to them vent abt their family issues once & tada~ they’re in love.

Kyoko’s story made me realize that Arisa is just a more modern & healthier kyoko.. The only difference is that Kureno didn’t save Arisa. She herself changed gradually due to kyoko & tohru’s influence.

1) Kyoko’s descend into Darkness:

Kyokyo told kyo that she was already “out of control delinquent before she got to middle school”, “ fell into the wrong crowd”, “ enjoyed beating innocent ppl”. subtly citing the influence of “delinquent peers” & the innate desire be noticed at home. I’m bad, notice me! love me, listen to me!

There are some elements in her story that faintly reminds me of yuki & strongly reminds me of kyo:

Kyoko’s parents gave her a treatment similar to “ yuki’s parents”: cold, neglect & devoid of love. Her dad, similar to kyo’s dad, felt ashamed & disgraced by her.

Kyoko similarly to kyo was angry, full of self-loath & self-destruction. However, kyo was never violent like she was. I believe kyo’d have turned like her if he didn’t have Kazuma to discipline him with love, care & attention. Hence, we saw kyo carry on a code of “ not beating girls, or ppl who aren’t hurting them, or don’t know martial arts”, like Arisa or the student council guy whop loves yuki.

Kyoko’s mom similarly of kyo’s mom talked abt the dad venting his anger on her after being pissed off with kyoko. So, a hint of domestic violence between husband & wife.

Kyoko described herself as “ made of shattered glass”. Tohru once said both kyo & yuki are very sensitive. yuki blocks the world behind the prince mask & kyo puts on the annoyed attitude to push ppl away from hurting him.

Society thinks that “delinquent/bad ppl” are always happy with what they’ve become. Satisfied with their destructive choices. When in most of the times... they’re as bewildered & confused as the community around them..

I really don’t blame the teachers for being defensive. Teachers aren’t supposed to be “life-coaches” or “saviors of students”. That’s sth the educators with their research gush abt & what society demands & what families wish for. The fixer-teacher!!!! Teachers are ppl teaching a subject, doing a specific job, underpaid & overworked most of the times, also, they come from various backgrounds, beliefs, & sometimes even if they meant good & wanted to “ save” a student, they aren’t equipped with the suitable psychological training. Yeah, there are ppl for that in schools, but so many students with lots of issues. Also, let’s be real, we love kyoko cuz she’s the “epic mother of tohru, we grew on her teachings thro out 3 seasons” but if you meet a loud, delinquent, gangster head, violent chair throwing student who rarely comes anyway, would you wanna deal with them?

2- Katsuya “ the magical savior”:

so, why did teacher katsuya helped a screaming delinquent? cuz he IS interested in kyoko. He said so. He approached her, talked & tried to help cuz he intended to “never let her go since he saw her honesty” ~ romantic? maybe to some.. I find it weird & creepy. him eyeing her & getting interested & approaching her & earning her trust. It is true that he has no intention of hurting her or forcing her & he DID save her in more ways than one. But why is this all wrapped in romance. He DID flirt with her intentionally many times from the moment he saw her until then.

If Im being honest, had he not be her teacher (trainee or not), & had she not be very veeeeery young! I’d be enjoying his flirting so much. He’s so smooth, playful & cool (not looking head over heels in love) which is normally such a fun dynamics. She was so head over heels, tho. Finally found someone who noticed her tiny efforts “ drawing eyebrows”, someone who listened & someone who didn’t forced her to do her “duties”. She tells him (her teacher) that she is ditching classes & he’s okay with that~ not lecturing, not urging. why? cuz He only wants HER. she comes to see him in the lunch break everyday. school? classes? that’s her choice~ not his business~ In a way, Katsuya is intentionally made not morally correct. Why? cuz a good moral adult wouldn’t be in love with a middle schooler & would care for her future as an independent person from him. He must be written with intentional desire to NOT care for morals or right or the likes. Yes, he later helps her to study & graduate but ONLY when that is HER choice & she made it ONLY to catch up with him. To cleanse herself & be “ like the other girls” . Kyoko deemed katsuya “ good person” & herself “ bad person”. That’s why she was motivated to be good to catch up with him since she can NO LONGER see him everyday in lunch break. He fixed that. How? teach her in the weekends & provide better chances to flirt since he’s no longer a teacher & she’s his student. The issue is not teacher-student love... it is adult-kid love!! but hey~ they’re cute (they’re written to be, so they are) so it’s cool ( it isn’t at all..eww).. oh the dilemma that is Takaya-san’s love for weird big age gaps where one is an underage teenager...

Furuba’s has this big theme of “ love doesn’t heal or save”. yuki took tohru’s love & grew up by himself. Kyo’s love for tohru didn’t save tohru, she was scared to be in love & forget her mom. Tohru made the decision to be free from her past, herself. Tohru’s love to kyo made his trauma 10 times more complicated & he acted based on his love for her & decided to leave her. It wasnt until he decided to face his trauma, past & bio dad by himself, that he accepted tohru’s love. Only two characters were totally saved by love:

Machi: has the excuse of being solely created to be yuki’s reward for acknowledging platonic love for tohru & everything abt her is rushed & made as a lighter copy of all yuki’s issues to quickly create shared grounds for them to connect. Machi needed to vent her issues to yuki once & all her issues were never brought back to the service again. She was happier, calmer & healed.

I expected more for kyoko. She IS a bigger character than half of the zodiacs! but she just needed katsuya to listen to her & she was in love & her issues solved.

I don’t deny that it IS true that sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. Tohru herself said so & even yuki said it to kyo. But Even if someone listen to us & we love them, the issues that troubled us dont magically disappear until we face them or do sth abt them aided by those who love us. Kyo’s issues remained even with his love until he faced them, tohru’s too!

Katsuya:

had off-screen issues with expressing himself. He said that he loved kyoko cuz she was “honest abt her ugly feelings” while he pretended to “humor & please his dad”. He gave a wonderful speech to her parents abt the expectations of parents on their kids & the refusal of their “human weakness” again furuba’s main vision. Unfortunately, this was followed with confessing, marriage proposal & kissing her on the lips all while the whole issue is abt kids/ parents exceptions of middle schooler/ neglect & his own acknowledgement that she’s minor while he was “in love”.

Like the author wants to tie kyoko’s issues & katsuya’s issues so bad & present him as her ONLY chance for normal life. Kyoko was just repenting & understanding that her actions got consequences which is an epic moment! but romance triumphant & saved the day~ yay~! marriage!

The story would’ve been better romantically if it was given time for kyoko to “ grow up” just like katsuya himself said when they were at the beach. He said “ grow up, middle school is not the world”. He continued meeting her but never confessed & never crossed the line despite the flirting. But he KNEW what he was doing “ i never planned to let you go since I saw you”. He was cementing his place as the ONLY one in her world.

Had kyoko grew up, saw the real world, kept taps with katsuya, he helped her broaden her world, then they’ll marry without needing her dad to sign papers, then that would be a better love story than this.

Side Notes:

The writer didn’t shy away from confessing that pairing Katsuya & kyoko is problematic & stated it in canon (kyoko called katsuya “pedo”). She did the same with Arisa & kureno (Arisa thought the age gap is big & hana questioned if kureno is a married man). However, making the story acknowledge that as an issues doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, but at least, I respect when writers do what they plan to do regardless of fans. even if I dont agree with the writer. It’s way better than when writer becoming fans toy/ fans pleaser.

Still, couldn’t the author state that kyoko was held back few years in jmiddle school & failed & repeated school years? like make her i duno 17 or sth... this would at least lessen the big age gap... but no~~~ kyoko is what? 14? ... -_-’.

You bet this won’t change a bit in the upcoming anime spinoff abt kyoko. Just this year an anime abt an adult man & his high school love interest that he pursued stubbornly was highly popular & my real life friends were gushing abt “ him finally winning her/ being respectful & only kissing her lips once or sth/waiting for her to “catch up” with him”/ consent age differ in X & Y countries..I’m not dictating my beliefs on anybody or any country or saying my way of thinking is the just way. I’m saying, Personally, I think, there are better romantic stories than adults & kids couples.. The fact that this trope of (adults & kids romance) is still popular even today is sad~~

I dont mind HUGE age gaps as long as BOTH characters are adults. If any of them makes a crime, they’ll be held responsible by the law. & sometimes the younger adult is the one dominating the relationship. but “kids or teenagers” can’t. They’re easily groomed & manipulated, so it bothers me when a love story between an adult & a kid is portrayed as “equal”. it isn’t.

I’m not judging whoever loves such trope in “ fiction”. it IS fiction, & as long as you don't pursue a real kid/teenager in real life, you can like whatever in fiction. moving on~

kyoko’s delinquent life is well-written & if done right, would send a powerful message of being able to start over. But the romantic love aspect will steal the spotlight by (a) directing uncomfortable hate/disgust towards the story & hence all the discussions will abt the “pedo” aspect. (which is fair). (b) Perceived as so lovable romance since katsuya is the prince who to saved the neglected princess which is a trope that has stood thro time garnering lots of support & attention always, so all the discussion would be abt their “cute romance”. (which is fair since the author weaved elements that endeared their romance, such as: cute nicknames “miss no-eyebrows”, him giving her space, home & respect, saving her from the streets & poverty & having the most endearing tohru”. So, yeah, the romance will be the center of attention regardless.

I like katsuya’s character type in fiction generally: the flirty, mischievous & a bit cool guy who is so aware he’s wrong most times & plays his cards smart to not get caught red-handed. He’s a cooler version of shigure. It’s just the blatant fact that he’s been planning to “get” a middle schooler from the first glance & that she is wayyyy young for this, that is bothering me so so much~~ T_T.

I wont expect the anime to change their age gap cuz it is the essence of their story that she’s a lost kid with no protection against the world & he’s the savior providing everything at once!~ Remember kyoko went on to be the savior of an entire clan tho tohru~ So in a way, katsuya saved the sohmas by saving kyoko....

“ i’m like a stray cat that he looked after instead of chasing away”. kyoko with katsuya is like kyo with kazuma! >_<!. When kyo met tohru, he wasn’t a stray cat, most of how he dealt with her was cuz he already knew her & was tormented by remembering kyoko’s death & feeling guilty towards tohru’s constant pain. That’s why when kyo started falling in love with tohru, he unconsciously stopped pushing her away little by little & just wanted to be with her until akito said “ i’ll hurt her” that’s when he totally gave up.

the way katsiya appeared in the right moment to save kyoko from her dad~ oh the drama. XD

Hospital Discharge & chase. like mom like daughter~ but thank God the kids got a more balanced love story.

Comparing kyoko/katsuya to Arisa/kureno in the broad writing of their romance without diving into details: (a) I hate the age gap in both but at least Arisa is older & nothing happened until she graduates & become an official adult. (b) Kyoko/katsuya are more fleshed out & if you forget the age gap,m their dynamic is so cute & endearing. (c) the love at first glance, never meeting afterwards yet still sickly in love to the extinct of screaming made Arisa/kureno shallower. (d) now that I saw teenage kyoko, Arisa is really just her clone! I hate that this steals from Arisa’s uniqueness. (e) both couples ate ramen in their first meeting/first unofficial date signalling their blooming love.

I’ve said this more than once, but I was the high-schooler that fancied adult independent men growing up, I never pursued anyone tho cuz I understood it was a crush even tho I’m pretty sure my “ *_*” face was clear to one or two, but I’m definitely lucky none of them tried to woo me or influence me. Now that I’m a grown woman, I think back & laugh at my self. I fancied them cuz they were independent & mature compared to the silly high school boys, which is what those men are supposed to be (adults) & what those boys are supposed to be (living their young age). lol. Still, I wish I found someone somehow to be my life’s partner since then, it would’ve made my life less lonely~ T_T.

#Fruits Basket #fruits basket manga #manga reviwes #anime-only #tired paper #my thoughts are so scattered #& unorganized #I apologize for the mess #ch 90 #ch 91

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kazuwhora · 3 years

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i love your writing and you're doing matchups so please if i could request a romantic one cause i dont know who i like most in tokyo rev anymore? also are you okay you got hit by a car?? im guessing it wasnt bad but still.

my pronouns are she/they, im INTP 6w7.

people often tell me im really cold and carefree but i have my 2 best friends im soft for. i warm up to people in time but itll take a while before i'll really care about someone. i like to think im generally nice to people, i don't really argue with anyone ever i just push them to one sided arguments or if i want to annoy them ill smile and tell them "you're wrong but ok" and it drives my family crazy.

im not sure how to answer the values question? i really value when someone takes my feelings into consideration cause i wont say it at first or if they recognize my efforts. or is it more about morals and fairness cause im not that. i dont have em. ive broken into places for fun. ive had a girl transfer schools cause of me. ive put people up to physically fight each other. im your filler villain. yeah i feel like a horrible person and i hate myself but i never paid for any of it. maybe i do kin dark impulse mikey

lmao ok my love language is probably quality time or acts of service. i dont think id ever enjoy classic dates id rather sit in their car parked on some dark road or just. at the beach at 4am eating cold pasta (i do that with friends every weekend and the sunrise makes everything so peaceful). i dont have real hobbies but i have a cat i play with. im an animation student so i made my previous hobby a career choice so all i have now is cat, which isnt a hobby its a responsibility but i guess it works out.

irl im not looking to date at all cause i will not be opening up to anyone like that BUT this is tokyo rev boys so ill allow it for them. id want someone who reminds me im a person. it sounds so stupid but its not a hard task theyd just have to ask what's bothering me or tells me to eat something today. ok i feel super guilty about it but i want someone sweet and touchy and clingy because i know myself well enough to know ill flirt first. ill kiss first. ill initiate everything but i will definitely stop once theyre mine. i want someone to pull at my sleeve to go to bed and lay on my chest.

appearance wise i think im average. im 165cm tall, 60kg (i round the weight cause its always 58-61). brown eyes, dark blue hair regrettably its the berries and cream haircut but my hair is wavy and always looks disheveled so really its the crackhead rat look. i have around 20 tattoos (like 6 are small ones though so really its like 14) i have my ears pierced a lot (and i wear a bell!! yes cause of kazutora and yes i made it myself) and my septum pierced. i had the side of my nose pierced at 16 but i took that out a couple years ago and it grew in. my biggest appearance trait is that i always wear 2 shirts on top of each other and apparently its the first thing both my best friends noticed at first about me so i guess its valid.

god im sorry thats so long!! thank you so much in advance!!

thank you for supporting me and my writing and sending in a request!! I am ok I guess for now, it wasn't like omg I went flying but I have a nice bruise on my waist and some sore ribs! life goes on lol

let me just say that kin wise you def sound like mikey LOL

so because of that I'm matching you up with Mitsuya!

wI think in terms of kin vs matchup mitsuya is a character who is about balance and care which works well with the fact that a lot of your personality resembles mikeys. there's a reason why mitsuya is in toman lol. you mentioned wanting someone that reminds you you're a person, and really I don't think this sounds stupid at all. it's really easy for us to get lost in our day to day lives and feel detached from ourselves. mitsuya (being an infj) is someone who deeply values emotional connections and being grounded in yourself and relationships- a trait that rubs off on others really easily.

mitsuya is one who's presence brings you back to earth without much effort. he's calm, caring, and has no struggles with being emotionally vulnerable and true to himself. while you may have a cold front that you put up in terms of like you said scaring people off, mitsuya sees through it and recognizes you for you and not for how you act. he values your emotions and opinions as a part of you, and never hesitates to make that known through conversation and his listening skills. chalk it up to having two sisters lol.

the other thing I think that just works about you and mitsuya is his indulgence in your ideas. you wanna eat cold pasta on the beach at 4am? sounds like a fantastic idea and he's up for it. no complaints to be had. it can be jarring (?) at first, but once you're able to recognize that he is in fact being genuine, it quickly becomes a really valid aspect.

#matchup

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anythingandeverything1d · 4 years

Text

Heart Attack

“Hey.”

“Hey? That’s it? That’s all you're going to say?”

“Harry...”

“Whatever. This was stupid. You shouldn't be here. Neither should I.”

“But yet here we both are.”

“It was a mistake. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Haz-” “No. Stop. Don’t call me that. You don’t get that right anymore. Im done with this. I never should have come.”

“Harry stop. Please. I miss you. I-I never should’ve left... Just let me explain.”

1 MONTH AGO:

“Stop!” you shrieked as Harry picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. “Harry!” He fell back into the couch with a laugh, you landing perfectly in his lap. Both of you were out of breath, Harry nuzzled his nose into your neck and you smiled, turning his head to yours and pressing your lips against his. It was the first night in almost 2 months that Harry had been home. You ran your hand across his cheek and sighed.

“Whats wrong?”

“I just missed you...” you bushed his hair out of his face. “I feel like we haven't had any time together.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things with writing just got really crazy...and then the album release..”

“Yeah..I know. It still sucks though.” Harry smiled and kissed your nose. “I’m glad we at least have now. And you won't be leaving anytime soon so we can settle back into a routine.” You kissed him, wanting something more to follow.

Harry pulled away with a guilty expression. “Actually, I only have a month or so to stay before I start my tour for the new album...”

You blinked looking into his green eyes full of regret. “What?”

“Well we decided to do a full tour for the album and we decided to push it forward a bit....you know keep the excitement and everything up.”

“Oh.” You climbed off his lap and stood up, pacing the room. “You were waiting to tell me this because?”

“I just wanted to wait and do it in person....I didn’t want to cause any extra stress.”

“Harry you literally promised we would have time together after the album was done...remember?”

“Yeah I know but I don't have a choice right now....this is what I do.”

“So we are just going to go back to a long distance relationship..Is that all we will ever be to you?”

“No-No of course not babe...You know I love you.”

You bit your lip holding back tears. Harry was trying to think of what to say to make things better but in your mind there was nothing that could fix this. “Harry you haven't even spent more than a week consecutively with me. We- we haven't even had time to relax. We were supposed to have that now.”

“Well we will for the next few weeks...We can make this work. You can come with me-”

“I have a job Harry. My dream job. I can’t just quit to tour with you..I don't want to be something you only come home to on the weekends. I want you to want this. To want a future together. A family.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? It doesn't seem like it?”

Harry looked up, tears in his eyes. “What do you want me to do? What can I do to fix this...Quit the tour?”

“No. I’m not going to ask you to give up on your dream. I’m not going to take away something you love....”

“Then what? Just tell me what I can do..”

You sucked in a breath and wiped a tear from your eye. Crossing your arms you stood there for a minute. “I think we should just be friends...”

“(y/n).”

“No. I’m serious. I love you Harry...but I cant do this anymore. I need a break. I need to figure out what I want. I need to figure out if I can even make this work anymore.”

“Babe-”

“No I’m sorry.” You knelt down and kissed his lips hard. Your tears on his lips and his on yours. “I want to figure out what I can handle. I don't want to feel like I come second to you anymore..”

“Youre not second I swear.”

“I just need time okay?” You kissed him again and sighed. “I love you, but this isn't working...” You stood up and walked out to your car, gasping for air and trying to collect yourself through the sobs as you drove home.

It had take a few weeks. You had taken a while to get over the pain of leaving Harry. Your heart ached. You felt sick to your stomach when you saw anything about him. You slept in his hoodies every night and questioned if you had made the wrong decision but you also knew that you couldn't continue with how things had been moving. So eventually, after those first few weeks, you had pulled yourself together and agreed on a causal blind date with a friend of a friend. You had gotten dressed in a crop top and skinny jeans, your hair down and makeup done. You weren't ready to date anyone...but you did want to try and move on...try to get back into a normal social routine. So here you were, entering the club late on a Saturday night. Of course you walk in and your eyes immediately rest on the green eyes you knew too well.

Harry’s POV:

Harry felt sick to his stomach. Watching (y/n) walk out of his life that night was burned into his brain. He almost didn’t believe you when you said you wanted to be friends...He couldnt believe it. He loved you more than anything. You had gotten him through long nights away, writing the new album. You had been the one he called when he couldnt sleep. You had supported him through everything and yet now you were leaving? Saying you needed space? What was that about? The first few nights he hadn't slept. He just paced around the house, tossed and turned in bed, and barely ate. Things got a little better when plans for the tour started evolving and shaping. He had gotten into a better routine, one where you weren't involved. When some of the band had suggested going out to a club, he had said no. He didn’t want to be around other girls. He was secretly still holding out for you. Of course, the guys had practically dragged him there anyway. He sat at the bar, a drink in his hand. He was watching people walk in and out. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular but when his eyes landed on yours, he froze. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt like he was going to pass out. Your eyes were glued to his, until the guy behind you grabbed your shoulder and pushed you towards the bar opposite of his, your eyes reluctantly leaving his.

Harry put a hand over his chest. “You okay mate?” Mitch asked concerned. “Youre looking a little pale.”

“I’m trying to be okay, I’m trying to be alright but man. It hurts.”

Mitch followed his gaze to you. “Harry she's no good for you. Look what she's done to you, I mean you barely ate. You weren't sleeping.”

“It doesn’t feel right though. She shouldn't be with another guy. She should be here with me. She was the one. She was the only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life.. ”

“Harry.” Adam cut in. “You're just too blind to see how much she's messed you up this time.. Youre way better off now that she's gone.”

“Im trying. Im trying so hard to be better now.”

“I’m glad. Do you want to leave?”

“It feels like I’m having a heart attack. Ugh” Harry gripped his chest and leaned back into the bar.

“It’s probably a panic attack...” Adam corrected. “We should probably go.”

“No. No- I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Harry’s gaze fell back to you. You looked incredible. Dressed perfectly. Harry just wished he was the one kissing your cheek, telling you that you looked beautiful and that you didn't need the extra make up. He wanted to be the one with his hands around your waist. Who even is this guy? Why are you even moving on so quickly?

Harry stood up from the bar and smiled. “I’m just going to have a wee, I’ll be back.” Mitch and Adam looked uncertain but nodded and ordered another drink. Harry wandered to the bathroom. He stood by the door waiting. Within a few minutes you had wandered over, probably to check your hair. Harry causally bumped you as you were exiting and you looked up. His eyes met yours and his heart skipped a beat. He felt his chest tighten and his heart beat irregularly. “(y/n)...”

Your POV:

You looked up at him. His hair was trimmed, but perfectly pushed back in a wave. His green eyes were frantically searching yours and his hand was pressed lightly over his chest. He moved to step away but you grabbed his wrist quickly. “Wait. Can we talk?”

“I-I don't know...”

“Harry please.”

“Fine. Meet me outside in an hour.” You nodded and he walked away. Your heart was rushing and heat flooded your cheeks and your body. You hadn't reacted that way since you had last seen him and it made you smile. You entertained your date for a bit, but your mind was always on Harry. How he was doing, what you were going to say. Truthfully you wanted to tell him how much you missed him. You wanted him to know you made a mistake. But you also didn't know anything about what his life had been like and dint want to interrupt something he had with someone else...kind of like the media had said. After an hour passed, you wandered outside, waiting for Harry in the dark alley, a light rain drizzling over your body.

PRESENT DAY:

“Explain what? How you left? How, out of nowhere you said you wanted to be friends? How you said you didn’t know what you wanted?”

“Harry I swear I-”

“Then, you show up with some random ass guy tonight, only shortly after breaking up with me?”

“No- well yes but thats not how it is.”

“Then how is it? Do tell me (y/n).” Harry was pissed.

“I made a mistake okay? I should have stayed with you. I love you Harry. I always have and I always will. I left because I wasnt sure how to feel...I felt you were always putting me in second to your music. I know its important to you but you rarely called, you rarely spent time at home with me...I just felt like it was one way. And I get it, I left. I walked away. But I regretted it the second I did it...I just needed time to really figure it out. And I have now okay? You are my dream. I know I have a great job and I love it but I love you more. I want to be with you and if that means touring with you and selling my house and quitting my job just to follow you around the world I will. I need you. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your everything.”

Harry’s mouth dropped. He stepped towards you. It looked like tears were dripping down his cheeks, but you couldn't tell if it was that or the rain. His wet hair dripped in front of his face and he brushed it back before closing the remaining space between you. His lips collided with yours. He was patient for a second before biting down hard on your bottom lip and slipping his tongue into your mouth. He kissed you like his life depended on it and if that were the last thing you had of him, you would die happy. “I love you.” he whispered against your lips.

“You do?” You leaned your head back, cupping his cheeks in your hands and staring into his eyes.

“I am in love with you (y/n). Seeing you here, tonight, with that other guy. It didn't feel right. I wanted to be him, his hands on you, dancing with you...” Harry’s hands slid to your waist. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. I mean look at you. Fuck.”

“You don't hate me?”

“I have never hated you.” His lips pressed to yours again, this time more gently. “Come with me. I want you on tour with me.”

You kissed him, your hands tangling into his hair. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

You kissed him hard, pulling his lips back with yours. “Take me with you and don't ever let go.”

“I won't. I promise.”

---

Hope you all like this! Let me know what you think! xoxo

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harrystyles #one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurb

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moonlightdreamzz · 5 years

Text

My First And Last — Huang Renjun

Renjun has a confession to make.

Request: Hiiii =3. How are you, i was wondering if i could get a renjun x woc fluff fic when he confesses to y/n at highschool in front of the dreamies. tsym i love your writing!.☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

“Renjun, what’s the answer to number five?”

He always hated this class, but today especially was he extremely irritated with it. This weekend had been quite eventful—him spending the whole duration with his boys, and while everything was perfect at first, Sunday night was quite interesting.

It was no secret that Huang Renjun was in love with you. Well, at least to Mark, Chenle, Jisung, Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin. If a stranger asked he would quickly deny the accusation, claiming the two of you as close friends only, but even they saw through it. The little red tint that would appear on his ears was a telling to the cap he expressed.

Last night, there was an intense game of truth or dare taking place. They all would admit that it was quite childish to be playing such a game as seniors in high school, but they also rarely cared about what others thought. They were bored and waiting on their pizza—what was a better choice?

“Truth or dare, Renjun?”

Chenle was eyeing him closely as his eyes lowered like the evil boy he could be towards his older friend.

“Nah, he doesn’t get a choice. He’s been forcing us to pick dare this whole time.” Mark interrupts, putting the truth cards behind his back. The boys and your girls had made these cards awhile back, wanting to make sure you always had something to do if you got trapped in Renjun’s home during a stormy night or something of that nature. Your hand writing was prominent on the index cards, and he really just wanted to hold a card in his hand. It sounded extremely creepy, but he had missed you. It had been a while since you were able to hang out with him.

“Fine. Dare.” Renjun sighs, covering his eyes. He doesn’t even want to think about the crazy shit one of them was going to ask him to do. Prank call one of his ex’s—politely of course, make him run down the street in a little too much skin showing especially in the freezing cold weather that covered this side of the world this season.

“Hm.” Jeno sighed, his mangled black hair giving him a boyish look as his hand fell on his chin. “Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

No. Why didn’t he predict this? Maybe because he didn’t want to believe his brothers would betray him in such a way.

“Please...” he trails, but the grins on their faces showed there was no going back. It had already been determined.

“You have to tell Y/N you like her.” They all say in unison, laughing loudly as this was all too funny for them.

“I will literally do anything else. Anything.”

Renjun is picturing it now. Him telling you, and your face going from a concerned eye from him saying he needed to talk to you, to a disgruntled look after his confession. Your plump lips that he wanted to kiss so badly would go into your pearly whites, but not in a good way, even though it would look good regardless. You’d feel bad for him—taking a step back and removing your hands off of his shoulder.

“I don’t feel the same, Renjun.”

He didn’t need to actually go through with the plan because he had tried it so many times in his head. Girls like you didn’t fall for guys like him, and honestly he had accepted that a long time ago.

“Do you guys just want me to get curved? I mean seriously what the hell.” He cries out as a pout shoots from his lips.

“Look, we’ll be there.” Jisung assures.

“And if she curves you, you can always say you’re just joking. That’s what I did with Brianna.” Haechan smirks.

“She knows me. She knows I wouldn’t joke her like that.”

“Then you better hope she says yes.” Mark giggles—the doorbell ringing at the same time. The pizza was here, which meant Renjun really couldn’t get out of this now.

That’s why as he sits in his last class of the day, he feels his hands shaking. Truthfully, he thought maybe the boys had forgot about it, or would let him slide, but they made sure to blow up the groupchat with words of encouragement.

— Our boy is finally going to get his girl.

— And if she doesn’t we’ll be here bro.

— We told Y/N and them to meet us at the ice cream spot after school.

Renjun couldn’t help but to laugh sadly at that. You don’t even like ice cream. You were much more of a frozen yogurt person but of course they wouldn’t know that. Not only was he going to get curved by you, but it was going to happen in a place you despise.

“24.” Renjun finally answers the question his math teacher wanted the answer for.

“Good. Make sure you do all of your homework, and no excuses. A for effort so show your work.” That was always the closing statement of his math class, but it also meant that he could pack up his stuff and sneak out. He zips his book bag up—throwing it over his shoulder before walking out of the room. Lucky for him, the door that lead to the parking lot wasnt too far.

As he approaches his cherry red vehicle, he sees that Jisung and Chenle have made themselves comfortable on the hood of his car. They couldn’t drive, so he was frequently giving them rides home, not that he minded. They didn’t live that far away and plus they practically did everything together anyways.

“Are you ready, bro?”

“Are you seriously making me do this?” He sighs, unlocking the door. He gets inside the drivers side while Chenle takes the passenger and Jisung gets in the back.

“Absolutely.” They both say together. The engine is starting, and Renjun is putting the car in drive. “Woah woah.” Chenle interrupts. “Don’t you want to wait for your girl? School ends in five minutes baby.”

“If I see her, I’ll end up driving home instead of to the ice cream place. Just trust me.” He can’t even care about cold weather on his engine with no warm up time. He has to go, and he’s pulling off. He feels his phone vibrating, and he expects it to be Mark or Jeno making sure he’s actually going to show up, but it’s you.

“What’s with the smile?” Chenle interrogates, trying to look over, but Renjun locks his phone before he can see.

“Oh we know what that is!” Jisung screeches from the back, dapping Chenle up at once.

“Yessirrrrrrrrr.” Chenle screams loudly. It’s at this point that Renjun wishes he could somehow cancel out all of this noise. He loved his friends, but he also hated them very much.

“You’re getting excited for nothing.”

“Yeah whatever.” Jisung responds. His eyes are now locked onto the trees they’re driving past as the light turns green.

It didn’t take them that much longer to get to the ice cream parlor. Surpisingly, Jeno, Mark, Haechan, and Jaemin are already here—music blasting unnecessarily. It was very clear that Mark had the aux as YBN Cordae was preaching for the whole shopping center.

Just as he’s about to park, he sees you. I mean, it was quite easy to recognize that frame, and he doesn’t mean that in a perverted way. You were just so perfect and he couldn’t resist to praise you. You’re approaching the window of Jeno’s car and he can hear you now calling their current set-up ghetto and telling them to turn the music off. All jokes of course, and everyone knew only you were allowed to make them. God, he loved you so much.

“You got this.” Chenle encourages, slapping his knee before getting out of the car. Everyone else follows, and Renjun notices that your friends weren’t hiding in your car.

“Did you come here alone?” Is that first thing he asks you as he embraces you into a quick hug. You smell like perfection, but it fitted you. I mean, you were.

“I tried to get the girls to tag-a-long, but they said it was too cold to be outside and definitely too cold to get ice cream.” The wind blows as soon as you finish your sentence, and he sees the way you shut your eyes tight as if that would make it better.

“Oh no we gotta get you inside.” He says, pushing you towards the door. “Fathead.” He adds, causing you to turn around and punch him in the arm. The other boys are not too far behind.

The parlor is chilly, but it’s much better than the outside. There are pretty lights that glow inspirational quotes such as—“follow your dreams“ “seek what sets your soul on fire”. Quite ironic and bad timing, but knowing you, you find it to be very cute. He would too if it wasn’t mocking him so badly.

“What are you gonna get?” Renjun questions, allowing you to get in front of him to see the board better. Since it’s a Monday, and school just ended, there’s nobody in here but you guys. A habit you formed when you’re thinking heavily, you’re twirling about five braids around your pointer finger. He knows that you’ve made a decision when you take those pieces of hair and throw them behind you.

“Nothing.” You say with confidence. “I can’t do this to myself.”

“Well I know, but maybe you should try something. You might like it a little. I’ll pay?”

“Or how about I just eat some of yours.” You smile brightly at him, your hershey colored skin looking flourecent under the bright lights of the building.

He knows there’s no changing your mind. Once you say something, you mean it. It was all about compromise with you.

“Deal.” He chuckles lightly, moving forward to order.

While he’s at the counter, you speak to the other boys for a little before going to find a seat for you all. Renjun really wants to know what you guys were talking about, as it seemed to be a very hush conversation. Or maybe he didn’t want to know.

He gets his ice cream before the others, and he sits right beside you. When the other members get theirs, they sit at the table beside you guys even though there was plenty of room. They really were gonna do this to him.

Renjun is quite surprised that you don’t question their actions. I mean, it did look very odd that they weren’t even acknowledging what they just did, and instead decided on talking about the All-Star game that just happened this past weekend.

“How was your day, Rennie.”

This was the nickname you had gave him freshman year, and although some tried to call him that as well, it just didn’t feel right unless it was coming from your mouth. You seem to be a little tired—probably from staying up last night to study for a test.

“Not too bad. I’m a lot happier now than I was like 30 minutes ago.”

“And why is that?”

“Can’t tell you.” He smiles sadly, fiddling with his cup full of dairy.

“Oh no, we’re not doing that.” You kick him lightly under the table. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Come on, they’re not even listening.” You whisper, eyeing the boys who were still going on about how Aaron Gordan got robbed on Saturday. “Talk to me.”

“How do I get this out.” He trembles, fiddling with his fingers as he has to look everywhere but your eyes. “Do you remember when we first met?” He questions.

“Of course. Biology, 1st period. I hated every second of it other than you.”

“I felt the same way.” He chuckles. “But I also felt something else. As time went by.”

You’re not clueless. You know exactly what he’s trying to convey to you. The gentleness in his tone, his refusal of eye contact, it was all leading up to a confession, right? He can see it in the way your body haults. It honestly felt like everything stopped; time, the music, his breathing. Neither of you noticed this, but the boys stopped their yapping too.

“Renjun—

“Let me just get this out, okay? I know you’re going to want to walk away but please.” His voice is hushed now as he grabs your hand. It was something you both did to eachother whenever you were embarrassed, or nervous, or extremely joyful. It was obviously different this time and he could also feel that you know that. Even so you don’t let go.

“Y/N M/N L/N.” He shakes. “Since the day I met you, I knew that you were extremely funny, the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, the most beautiful soul that I had ever come across. But even so I thought I could run away from all of your good attributes. We can stay just friends, right? There just wasn’t a universe where you shared my feelings, so it was better to ignore it. I tried so hard to talk to other girls and give them the attention I wanted to give you to distract myself. It’s stupid I know, but it’s what I tried to do.”

“As the months went by, I realized that it wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t get over you, but I also couldn’t have you, so I decided that I would be one of the boys in your life that you could always rely on.” He rubs your knuckles softly. There’s a braid hanging infront of your face, and he knows that it’s killing you, so he lets go of your hands for mere seconds to tuck it in another braid. Your features are unreadable right now and he wants to stop, but he can feel Marks hand on his back—patting it in encouragement.

“But I’m in love with you, Y/N. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever not be in love with you. And I don’t want you hearing that to make you feel like I’m forcing you to feel something, or to try to feel something. I just want you to know that you are so loved by so many people. Me especially. I know I’m not the coolest guy in the world, but..but...”

He’s said too much. It felt so good to get his confession out, but now that he was almost done, his breathing was out of control. He had only felt like this when he was in fear of something dramatic—he recognizes this to be because he’s so terrified to hear the rejection he’s going to get, so he runs out. He runs out of the parlor and he takes his ice cream with him. He didn’t even want it anymore.

Of course he’s not going to pull off. He wouldn’t leave Chenle and Jisung here. But he just didn’t want to look at anybody. The minute he sits down in his car and turns it on—an attempt to cool down, he looks into the sky. Was he seriously about to cry?

He’s just going to wait for the boys to finish their icecream. He knows they’re going to come when they’re ready. When he feels a knock on the passenger window, he immediately unlocks the door without looking. He has he hands on the wheel ready to pull off but he also has one question. “Is Y/N in her car yet? We can’t leave her without seeing her pull off.”

“She’s in a car.” Your voice echoes throughout the vehicle. “And she’s very safe. I promise.”

In dramatic fashion, he’s turning his head towards you. When the two of you lock eyes, he can’t believe it. Even when you didn’t have to be, you were so sweet. You were going to politely reject him to his face instead of laughing. An angel.

“I’m sorry—

“It’s my turn now.” You whisper, placing a sole finger on his lip. Except, you don’t speak. You instead take the icecream that was sitting in his cup holder and you’re taking a bite. After you set the spoon down, you’re leaning in. It’s a very slow, but beautiful kiss. First, your foreheads connect, then your nose—your perfect nose. He already loves the feeling. But the best part is when your lips connect. The way your lips completely cover his own and swallow him whole is something he couldn’t have imagined with the clearest mind. The way your lips mold together—it’s romantic—perfect, and he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t stop though. He has fingers in your hair, and he’s bring you two closer than you had ever been. There’s no space for breathing between you two.

It’s him who pulls away.

“I—I

“I love you too.” You breathe out. “I love you so much. And whether you believe it or not, everything you said to me in there is something I’ve felt 1000x more. I swear.”

His eyes are too pure as you look at him right now. He really had no idea. All of your little texts telling him you missed him. How the only reason you were coming to school was to see him. He never caught on. He had spent four years believing he wasn’t good enough for you when in reality he was everything you wanted.

“Are you serious?” He coughs.

“So serious.” You say with pride. “I just ate icecream for you. Believe me.”

He wanted to ask you to be his right then and there. But he didn’t want to do anything to mess this up. Suddenly he hears screaming coming from a cellphone, and it’s yours. It’s the boys.

“What did we say!” You both hear Mark shout. They’re outside now, and they’re running to the car.

“We told you it would work out.” Haechan simpers fron Renjun’s side. He rolls down the window, very confused although he’s putting the pieces together.

“Wait, did you guys know about this?” He’s looking at you now, and you’re so shy. You grab his hand, and it feels so good to hold it back. He’s caressing you’re thumb softly as he can’t hold in his smile anymore.

“Why do you think we dared you to do it?” Jeno laughs.

“They saw me on Friday. Getting some wings.” You put your head into his shoulder. “And they interrogated me.

“Politely, of course.” Jisung smiles.

“We had suspicions.”

“But we didn’t tell her you liked her until she confessed. We were just teasing before she confessed her love for you.”

“Shut up, Mark.” You cry out.

There’s a peaceful silence, before Renjun speaks up.

“Thank you guys. From the bottom of my heart.”

“Of course. You deserve it better than anyone.” Chenle says, tapping the window. They all walk away and now it’s the two of you again.

“I promise I won’t hurt you, Y/N.” Renjun whispers, kissing your forehead.

“I know.” Are your final words. “And it’s the best feeling ever.”

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! :(

#nct #nct dream #renjun #nct renjun #nct imagine #renjun imagine #nct imagines #kpop ambw #kpop poc #poc kpop #ambw kpop #kpop black reader #nct ambw #nct black girl #woc fics #poc fics

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benexolence · 6 years

Text

Tense (M) pt.1

CEO!Park Jimin x Reader

Word count: 5.4k

Rating = M, F (it was hard not to put fluff in, i’m too soft for chimmy)

SUMMARY: You’ve been subtly teasing your stressed-out boyfriend over the past couple of weeks, and you push him a bit too far at a company dinner, making him want to show you what it’s like to be frustrated.

Warnings: dom!jimin, daddy kink, dirty talk, exhibitionism, degradation, slight-ish possessiveness (bruh IDK), fingering

A/N: There are two parts to this fic! This was originally gonna be a oneshot but it would’ve been MONSTER to post LMFAO but I’ll post pt.2 within the next 2 weeks! Stay tuned :-) ****PART 2 IS OFFICIALLY POSTED! LINK TO PART 2 IS IN MY MASTERLIST!

Jimin had been very tense for the past couple of weeks. Being the CEO of BigHit, there was already a lot riding on him. Recently, his company bought out another company, BT21 and although this transaction would be beneficial for the future of his company, it didn’t necessarily mean that his transition would be smooth. If anything, it was putting a lot of weight on his shoulders, trying to figure out which workers to lay off or what sectors to change entirely, through the means of endless meetings, soon became excruciating. There were so many things to be done, and there wasn’t enough time in the day to complete everything. The tight pressure started to build in his shoulders and his mind as the lack of sleep from early mornings and late nights as the weeks went on. Jimin swore that he began to feel his brain melting.

It didn’t help that he start to see his love less and less. The quality free-time he’d usually spend with you decreased dramatically, turning the salacious sleepovers nearly every weekend into occasional Facetime pillow-talks that would end quickly since he’d almost immediately shut his exhausted eyes once his head hit the soft pillow. He just missed you, so much. Not being able to see you was like trying to substitute ranch for chocolate in a cake and it just didn’t work with him.

At night. Jimin is a needy boy, so destitute that the dreamland that he briefly arrived in every night was scent and taste of the juices that would fall between your thighs as you scream for him to give you more. His mind was clouded with clips of your writhing body, all nice and sweet, just for him. Jimin swore that he’d wake up to your whimpers echoing throughout his bedroom, only to find that you’re not there but his hard-on was painfully present. You couldn’t leave his mind. His lust was overflowing, and he even tried jerking off with his non-dominant hand, nothing worked.

For you, on the other hand, things were going pretty decently. You didn’t have much to complain about; you just got a raise at work, all your old friends were back in town, things were going pretty well for you. So, it was a bit amusing for you to hear all of this happening. You missed him greatly, and you longed to see him, but you were thankfully distracted by the better things happening in your life. You were worried about your boyfriend, but it’s uncommon to hear him whine for you and you felt a bit a pride when he’d tell you about how much he and his dick missed you. So to add to your amusement, you’d send some inappropriate pictures along with detailed texts of how much you desired him. When you went out with your friends, you would take a picture of yourself in a scandalous dress to rile him up a bit for the night, only to take that dress off after the image was sent, then change into something that you were a bit more comfortable in, (without him knowing of course). When Jimin was provoked in such a way, it always ended in ground-breaking sex. You still loved the fact that Jimin was a compassionate lover, it’s just that you didn’t see that dominant side of him very often and sometimes, you needed him to be a little bit rough.

Tonight was the first night that you would see Jimin after such a long time. There was a company dinner to celebrate the end of this chaos, and it was a perfect time to see you. Jimin liked to think of your presence as a gift to himself, for working himself to the bone. Both of you and him were giggling like children all day because it’s been so long and the two of you would finally fill the gnawing hole that’s been heavy on the two hearts. You wanted this night to be perfect, so you spent hours just picking and choosing the color scheme for your outfit deciding to go with a simple and sophisticated approach. Although you wanted Jimin to be the happiest tonight, you felt a throbbing need for something rough as the little devil on your shoulders convinced you to egg him on a bit. You decided to keep the egging to a slight minimum, and you went for the little black dress with a simple set of jewelry and light makeup that gave you a natural look. The dress did wonders to accentuate your curves, and you had an inkling that Jimin might go mad when he sees your outfit. It was perfect for setting off his mood, in the direction you prefer.

Jimin felt that it was crucial that he’d pick you up tonight. It was vital for him to have at least five minutes of alone time with you in the car before you two spent the next few hours with a garden of people he didn’t really care for; he’d probably only be focusing on you anyway. He was also hoping to convince you to let him sleep over for the night, already packing his things for the night because the answer will always be some form of “yes.” Jimin felt that spending these hours with you would melt away all the weight that’s been straining his body. He didn’t care if he was between your thighs or laying by your side, he just wanted to spend some time with you.

Jimin threw his overnight-bag in the backseat of his car and texted you a quick “on my way sweetheart” before rushing himself over to your apartment, almost running a few red-lights because he couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t stop smiling; he was excited to see his girl after so many weeks.

It was the same way with you after you got his text, you practically had a face tattoo of a smile. You rushed to the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror to make sure that you looked perfect. As you fixed yourself up in the few minutes you had left, memories of the times where Jimin left you breathless made you excited. Your cheeks became flushed with such crude thoughts led you to think of possible ideas to ensure your demise tonight.

You were pulled back to reality as you heard a knocking at your door. The excitement came back in seconds as you ran to the door and swung it open, to find Jimin looking at you with nothing but pure love. You were in awe by his choices for his appearance tonight. Jimin wore an all-black suit, without a tie, giving a bit of a casual feel. He wore a gold necklace, and he parted his hair so a bit of the center of his forehead being shown.

Both of you took a few seconds to accept the fact that both of you are together again before he quickly grabbed your arm so you’d fall into his arms. Jimin hugged you tightly, almost like he was afraid that if he let go, you would never come back. He buried his face into your neck, and you could feel him smiling.

“I’ve missed you so much” Jimin whispered softly into your neck, leading you to giggle as his breath tickled your skin.

“But I talked to you yesterday” You chuckled softly, thinking about the Facetime call that only lasted three minutes before Jimin started snoring.

“I fell asleep! How in the world does that count?” Jimin started to swing around, with you in his arms, “Did you not miss me? Not only a little bit?”

“Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t matter because you’re always asleep when I try to talk to you anyway.” You say with a sassy tone before escaping his grasp to turn around and walk further into your apartment, looking to grab your purse.

“Y/N, baby please” Jimin whined as he followed behind you. You could already tell that there was a pout on his face by the tone of his voice. You found your purse, and you started to look through the bag, making sure that you had everything you needed. Before you realize it, Jimin was standing right in front of you, slightly stomping his feet. “Baby, I’m sorry for falling asleep all the time, but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore me.”

Looking at his upset face, you realize that you definitely can’t be bratty right now. He’s too damn cute, and you couldn’t resist it, not after such a long time. You smile at him, “You’re lucky that I have the biggest soft spot for you. I’ll forgive you this time.” But your last few words are meaningless because you’ll always forgive him for anything, leading you to let out a chuckle.

Your laugh was cut short when Jimin suddenly cups the apples of your cheeks, looking at you with appreciation. “Seriously though, I am sorry. You don’t understand how hard it’s been for me, not being able to talk to you. I’ve missed you more than anything.”

Jimin never failed to make you feel loved. There was never a time where you felt unappreciated and unwanted by him because he always did everything in his power to make sure that those thoughts would never cross your mind. Although there has been a lack of presence in the past few weeks, there were no worries that arrived in your mind because he still tried to talk to you, even if his sleepiness won most of the time.

“It’s okay, Jimin. I know that you’ve been busy, so it’s alright. I’ve missed you too.” You spoke softly.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Jimin whispered before pulling you forward to kiss your forehead. He let go of your cheeks, only to slide his hands into yours. He pulled you towards the door, “Now, l wanna get there early so I can sit in the car and shit on the idiots that we’re gonna be near tonight.”

You laughed as the both of you left your apartment and set route to the restaurant.

The car ride was filled with nothing but laughter and joy as you both exchange memories that occurred over the past few weeks. Both you and Jimin felt absolute elation; nothing was better than being in the company of someone you love. Soon, both of you were parked outside of the restaurant, shit-talking about the coworkers that made his life an absolute nightmare over the past couple of weeks. Irritation started to seep into Jimin’s bones as the anger over their actions came to mind. You notice Jimin’s change of tone, and you felt the need to calm the fire that was growing in his mind. You moved your hand to give a calming rub on his bicep, “You don’t have to worry about it now. The past is the past, and now you can focus on the success that’s gonna be rolling your way.”

Jimin looked to your smiling face, but his eyes slowly followed the length of your dress, his pupils dilating in mixed emotions over how noticeable your legs were in the dress. Suddenly, his mind went through to all the frustration he felt with you during your absence; seeing you in such revealing attire, hearing about how much you need him, all the subtle teasing that you’ve been pulling over the past few weeks that would always leave him with an erection. All emotions came racing back to his mind and his cock, making him feel nothing but tense again. The current state of your naked legs started to tease him a bit, Why is she wearing that dress right now? To fucking spite me? God, in the very moment, he just wanted to fucking explode.

His ring-covered hand went straight for your thigh, squeezing the soft skin in a vice-grip. Your eyes went straight to his hand as you gasped at the cold feeling of his rings. You look up to Jimin’s face, only to find the irises of his eyes slowly disappearing to black, mixed with lust and vexation.

His voice comes out low when he initially speaks, “Y/N, that dress--” Jimin takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves from thinking illogically. It’s just a dress. There’s nothing to it. She isn’t trying to pull anything with me. “It looks stunning on you” Jimin plants a smile on his face as he squeezes his grip on your thigh a bit harder, leaving an imprint of his rings. Momentarily, he decided that your teasing would be a topic of discussion for later that evening, it would be such bad timing to discuss something like that right now.

Although you were taken back by the quick change in emotions that you just witnessed, it still didn’t stop your stomach from doing flips from his compliment, knowing that it’s genuine. But what lingered in your mind was the reason for the sudden emotional changes, reasons that you already knew. You could see the tension in his jaw as a vein comes to the surface of his neck, which just sent electricity straight downward. You spoke, “Thank you, Jimin.” It seems as if your plan is working, you had a reassuring thought about how the subtle hints work the best. All you wanted was for him to take you in the car at that moment, you didn’t necessarily want to wait any longer.

There were a few moments of silence before Jimin’s phone buzzed. He pulled his phone out to see one of his favorite colleagues texting him.

[6:03 pm] Kim Taehyung: I know you don’t want to be here, but that doesn’t mean you and Y/N can avoid the dinner by sitting in the car until it’s over.

Confused by Taehyung’s knowledge of his location, Jimin looked up from his phone and searched from outside the window, only to find that his colleague leaning against the car parked right next to him. Jimin got out of the car to greet him, “Thank god that you and Y/N at least here with me to get through this.”

Taehyung chuckled and gave Jimin a quick side hug, “I honestly don’t know how you and I got through this past quarter. I can’t wait to sit with you and see what you do as a consequence for everyone.”

Taehyung was the CFO of the company, but also a life-saver for Jimin for the past few years. Jimin and Taehyung had been very close friends since college, and it’s been an absolute relief for Jimin to have him in the company. Taehyung took more of an emphasis on finance rather than sales, unlike Jimin; which was helpful since there was no competition in success or jealousy in career advances between them. Either way, Taehyung, and Jimin climbing up the career ladder together, eventually landing executive positions in the same corporation.

You got out of the car as well and walk over to the two boys with a smile on your face. You were happy to see Taehyung. “Taehyung! How have you been? It’s been so long!” You gave him a quick hug, and as you let go, you notice Taehyung’s lingering gaze on your legs as he takes hold on both of your hands.

“I’ve been good, Y/N! I don’t think I need to ask you how you’ve been doing since you look lovely tonight.” Taehyung smiles with a toothy grin before letting go of your hands and looking at Jimin, “You gotta be careful Jimin. You might have to keep an eye on Y/N because you don’t wanna lose a girl like her so easily.” Taehyung was always a flirty guy, but he never meant any harm, of course, he just liked to tease Jimin a bit.

Usually, Jimin would joke around about how Taehyung would never end up with anyone but his assistant, Jungkook, but right now, it was not the time for Taehyung to even glance at his girlfriend’s figure for any more seconds. Jimin needed to keep himself control, he needed to stay calm. Jimin joked with a little strain in his voice as you and him starting walking towards the restaurant, “I don’t need to keep an eye on her when you have googly eyes for your assistant. Which by the way, I know you’ve been fucking, I saw the way he looks at your ass.”

“Jungkook looks at everyone’s butt! I saw him looking at your butt the other day! Either way, he’s a man-child, and I’m nurturing him for the real world.” Taehyung raised his voice while running behind the both of you, trying to deny the truth that he’s been trying to hide from everyone.

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say Tae,” You turn towards Taehyung and continued. “We’ll always love you. You don’t have to hide your love for him forever.” You chuckled as you watched Taehyung start yelling nonsense as to how he’s definitely not with Jungkook and how he definitely hasn’t seen him every night for the past three weeks.

Jimin felt a bit of relief when he heard Taehyung’s babbling and your various sayings of “it’s okay, don’t worry.” I’ll be okay. Things will be fine. He reassured himself before all the three of you entered the restaurant and started to greet coworkers.

Dinner was not fine, and things were not okay. For some fucking reason, all male eyes of Jimin’s coworkers were staring at your chest throughout the evening. Jimin swore that he saw his coworker wipe the drool off his chin from staring too long. Not only that, some damn waiter named Hoseok even started fucking flirting with you, right in front of Jimin. It seemed like every male-body who was in your presence eye-fucked you, even with Jimin’s eyes sending fire to anyone who looked lustfully towards your body. Jimin wanted to spank your ass and fuck you on the goddamn dinner table every passing moment, to show everything that you belong to him and only him.

For you, on the other hand, your plan was going smoothly. You noticed the slow transition of Jimin’s mind from neutral to sour. You saw him sending fiery stares straight ahead, losing himself in the flames of his imagination, and you couldn’t help but cheer happily in your mind. But obviously, you couldn’t display your joy to the world. You saw that he barely took a bite of his entree and you decided to act the part as the caring girlfriend for the time being. “Hey honey, is everything okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

Jimin took a deep breath before turning to you, wanting to answer your question with kindness, “Um, yeah baby. It’s alright. I’m just not that hungry right now.” He pulled a quick smile for you before moving his fiery eyes to his plate, slowing moving to eat his food on his plate.

You knew he needed a push, a slight nudge towards the fall that you so desperately needed to feel all over your body. So you decided to start a conversation with Taehyung. It seemed that the boy had a bit too much to drink and you knew that Taehyung is a lot more flirty when he’s tipsy. You spoke with a bit of prep in your voice to the buzzed man across from you, “How are you feeling tonight, Tae? It looks like you’re having a good time.”

Taehyung turned to you with a grin on his face and started to laugh, “Y/N, I always have a good time with you around.” He leaned in and continued to spoke, “Did I tell you that you look lovely tonight?”

You giggle before answering his question, “Yes you did, Tae. You don’t remember?” You reciprocated his actions and moved towards him, so it looks like you’re only focused on him.

“Well, scratch that, because you look fucking ravishing right now.” Taehyung’s baritone voice seemingly got lower than you expected.

“Taehyung!” You started to giggle, even more, exaggerating your actions, “You don’t mean that”

Taehyung leaned in even closer, “Oh darling,” His eyes looking at your body, leaving his eyes to stalk your chest. “I mean every word I’ll ever say to you.” His voice was husky, and it just leaks with danger. This is precisely what you needed. This is the push that Jimin needed.

And you were right because Jimin was fucking boiling with sheer anger. Taehyung called you “ravishing,” he fucking leaned into you, like you didn’t belong to him. And you were just sitting there, taking it. Not even acknowledging the fact that your boyfriend was sitting right next to you, watching the entire thing. Maybe you were doing this on purpose. Perhaps you actually have been fucking with him for the past few weeks. Either way, the only thing that mattered to Jimin is to show that you fucking belong to him.

Once again, you jumped in your seat as the coolness of Jimin’s rings touch gripped your thigh. You felt him squeeze your skin before his thumb starts rubbing gentle circles. You turned to him, and his eyes were trained entirely ahead, engaging a conversation with one of his coworkers. You leaned back into your seat, heavily distracted by the distance between his hand and your clothed core. You took a deep breath to relax before continuing your conversation with Taehyung, but how can you focus when his hand is subtly teasing you under the table?

“Tae, I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.” You spoke as your mind tried to force on the man ahead of you. But unfortunately for you, Jimin knew what you were doing so his hand decided to follow the direction of your body, sliding underneath your dress. He squeezed again, leading you to squirm slightly in your seat. You tried so hard to listen to Taehyung ramble on about how sober he is, but it felt like there was barely any oxygen in the room at the moment. You started to lean forward again, to look like you’re interested in what he has to say but as soon as you began to move, Jimin’s hand moved to your core, lightly rubbing you through your panties. You yelped in surprise, causing all eyes to move towards you.

“Baby, are you okay?” Jimin sounded so sincere, but he already knew your answer. He started rubbing you a bit harder, causing you to squirm even more in your seat. Your breaths started to shake as you realized how mortifying this situation was; everyone was staring while your boyfriend rubbed your clit in a public restaurant. But somehow, you felt exhilarated at such a display, leading to the coil to tighten in your stomach.

“Yeah, I’m f-fine.” You needed to keep your responses to a minimum. You couldn’t let anyone know the truth behind your dishonest words. You’re not fine. You’re fucking fantastic because Jimin has finally touched you, something you’ve been waiting for a long time.

“Are you sure? You sound a bit anxious.” Jimin’s fingers moved your panties to the side. His middle finger slipped inside your folds, teasing your hole.

You knew if you opened your mouth, you would start whimpering, so you nodded your head towards Jimin and threw a weary smile on your face. You looked around to find that the eyes of his coworkers were off of you now. Jimin leaned in closer to your ear and spoke, “Baby, you better fucking speak up right now, or I wouldn’t touch you for another month.”

All you wanted to do is whine and let Jimin do sinful acts to your body, but you knew that this side of Jimin wouldn’t be tame unless you listen to his words. “Yes, I’m okay Jimin.” You whispered softly.

You heard Jimin sigh, and it sounded like he was frustrated with your answer. He impulsively pushed his middle finger inside, pumping it at a slow pace. Jimin moved again to your ear, “That’s not my name tonight. Tell me, baby, what’s my name?”

His fingers were going agonizingly slow, but since your body has been so unsatisfied for the past few weeks, the pressure seemed to double. You could barely answer his question without focusing on the sharp sparks that coursing throughout your body. You don’t call Jimin anything else besides loving pet names and his actual name. What could he possibly be asking for?

Before you could think about it any further, Jimin added another finger inside you. A small mewl crawled from your mouth as you leaned towards Jimin, hiding your face in his shoulder. “I-I don’t know.” The build of your impending orgasm was growing faster, leaving your body to be shaking by his side. You were trying so hard, but it’s just so hard when everything is turning you on.

Jimin curled his two fingers to your g-spot, leading you to whine into his dress shirt. Jimin chuckled, happy to see you withering for him so quickly. His voice was stern when he started whispering again, “It seems like you’ve been missing Daddy’s fingers, huh?”

Daddy? He’s never called himself that before. Jimin has never brought that kink up but how does it matter now when he sounds so fucking hot talking to you like that? His fingers start moving faster, and your legs start shaking. He’s curling his fingers with each thrust, and the burning-pleasure is leaving your mind blank. You gotta warn him of how your end is almost near, “D-Daddy, I’m close.”

“Awh baby, you’re close? You like it when Daddy finger-fucks you under the dinner table, with everyone around us?” His words are only bringing you closer to your end, and you were struggling to keep your composure.

“Y-Yes, Daddy” Your voice was shaking, and you look up to Jimin, only to see his eyes filled with nothing but black lust.

“Of course you do. How can you not? A slut like you love everything that’s done to them. Do you even know how dirty you are?” Such a name should irritate you but god, it was sending arousal to your core, and you find yourself whining for him.

My eyes immediately shut in pure paradise, and you started to squirm again when Jimin’s thumb landed back on your naked clit. Jimin’s lips glaze your ear, “Cum for me, right now.”

His tone of voice was deep and stern, which led you to lose control. Your hands quickly covered your face in order to conceal the moans that escaped your mouth as your orgasm sweeps through your body. Jimin continues to rub your swollen nub as you ride it out. You were trying to catch your breath as your face turned away from your hands to Jimin, only to find him smirking.

Suddenly, Jimin grabbed your hands and stood up from his seat, bring you up with him. “I apologize everyone, but it seems that Y/N isn’t feeling too well right now, so I think it’s time for us to take our leave. Y/N wants to stay, but I wouldn’t feel good if we did stay. I’ll see you all at work on Monday.” Jimin waved goodbye to his coworkers while you kept your head down, playing up the “sick” act correctly. You waved to everyone as well as both of you started walking towards the car. As soon as both of you were outside of the restaurant, Jimin wrapped his arm around your waist, squeezed your ass, and let his hand rest at your hip. As you both walked to the car, you looked up to him. You could see that he was relieved to be done with that dinner and happy to go home with you. Both of you got to the car, and before Jimin could unlock the car, he interrupted by the sight of Taehyung running towards you.

“Y/N!” Taehyung stopped right in front of you and grabbed your hand, whipping you out of Jimin’s hands and in his direction. “Why didn’t you tell me that you weren’t feeling well?” Taehyung murmured as he looked at your small hand in his large one.

“Oh, I didn’t want to worry you, or anyone.” You took your hand out of his and waved it in front of him for reassurance. “Don’t worry about it! I just need some sleep.” You smiled at him, and he leaned in closer to you, like at the dining table.

Taehyung grabbed your hand again, rubbing circles on the back of it before looking up to you. “Call me when you get home, alright? I wanna know that you’re okay.”

You were happy to have a friend like him in your friend, and your smile got brighter at that thought. “Of course! I’ll see you soon.”

The flirty side of him came back as he kissed the back of your hand before letting it go. “I’ll see you soon darling.” Taehyung had a goofy grin again and looked to Jimin, “I’ll see you on Monday man, don’t let your girl get sick or I’ll help her out instead.” He winked at you, and he started to laugh as he began to walk away.

Although you thought this was funny, Jimin did not at all. You only realize this when you saw the several veins in his neck pushing up to his skin. “I’ll see ya later.” He spoke through gritted teeth. You saw his fists tighten so hard that you felt he might actually break his bones. In the years that you’ve been dating Jimin, you’ve never seen him so angry. He unlocked the car and walked over to the passenger side, opening the door for you. He realized that you were frozen in place, so he started to speak in the sweetest tone he can muster up with the anger running through his veins, “Y/N, get in the fucking car right now, or things will get worse.”

You practically bolted to the car seat, and you felt the car shake as Jimin slammed your door shut. He walked over to the driver’s side and sat in the car. He repeated his actions, and he harshly closes his door before putting his hands on the wheel. He exhaled deeply and turned to you, “Tonight, you’re gonna listen to every word I say. Do you understand, sweetheart?” You nodded your head to him, analyzing the strain in his voice. He was frustrated, and you honestly did not expect this level of dominance. “Good girl.” He responded before turning on the car.

You look down to your hands, thinking about what could happen tonight and all the things Jimin might do to you. “Are we going home?” You asked politely, wanting to alleviate his irritation.

Your question had the opposite effect, causing his veins to strain more. His jaw clenched, and he slowly turned to you at a menacing pace, “Baby, did I say that you could talk?” You were about to open your mouth, but Jimin continued, “I don’t wanna hear another word out of your mouth. Got it?” You nodded your head and returned to the position that you were in previously. Jimin’s hand lingered on your thigh and squeezed it to get your attention. “Tell me a safeword.”

A safeword? There were a few moments of silence before you thought of a sinister idea. You thought to yourself, He was already angry, why not triggering him more? You had a sense of where this night will lead to, and you were happy with the results. But a part of you wanted to tease him a bit more.

Jimin spoke once more, “Have you thought of it yet? Tell me.”

You muster up all the confidence you had, and you began, “Yes I did. The safeword is Taehyung.”

You thought that Jimin was angry before, but you were fucked now. You could feel the tension in the air.

His nails dig into your thighs, close to breaking the skin. You could see the stream coming out nostrils as he looked at you with nothing but depravity. You swore that he growled when he spoke, “Okay.”

You were screwed for tonight, but in every perfect way, right?

2K notes · View notes

expcake · 5 years

Text

🐸 50 QUESTIONS TAGS 🐸

tagged by @sylferino thank u for bein the local fumika fucker

1. What takes up too much of your time? social media in general. i might as well take this chance to reiterate that i’ve deleted tumblr and twitter off of my phone in hopes of reducing/restricting my time on social media. i’m still going to check these sites once in a while (on weekends typically), but too much of this stuff is starting to seem bad for my mental health.

2. What makes your day better? pancakes

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? finding out i somehow wasnt the most embarrassing dude from the party last night

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? lei colmosna from gravity rush 2. i just have to be careful not to fall or be flung off the edge of the place

5. Are you good at giving advice? good at giving advice, yes (according to others). following my own advice, no (according to me).

6. Do you have a mental illness? maybe i could find out if i could actually manage to find a local doctor taking new patients

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? looking it up, i may have? not sure how bad it gets for others and i don’t wanna assume that it’s not bad

8. What musician inspires you the most? definitely louis cole. his songs are consistent absolute bops but there’s just a ton of emphasis on improvising and just having fun with music

9. Have you ever fallen in love? *drake voice* sadly

10. What’s your dream date? i don’t even know what kind of person i want to date! so it’s probably just a chilling and maybe video games session for now

11. What do others notice about you? please don’t notice me

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? i like to play with the hair behind my right ear

13. Do you still talk to your first love? *drake voice* no

14. How many exes do you have? you look at me and tell me im dateable

15. How many songs are in your playlist? this is the length of my default playlist in foobar, if you add all my liked songs from spotify to this you get a big number

16. What instruments can you play? hunting horn

17. What do you have the most pictures of? pouting anime girls

18. Where would you like to go before you die? anywhere that’s good to walk around and explore! i just like exploring and learning about new places

19. What’s your zodiac? aquarium

20. Do you relate to it? i like fish

21. What is happiness to you? being around friends who i know don’t hate me

22. Are you going through anything right now?

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? holding myself back from my dreams because i thought i was supposed to do as i was told

24. What’s your favorite store? that one secret store from the first stage in that scott pilgrim game

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro choice because i don’t feel i should have a say in what goes on in someone’s uterus

26. Do you keep a bucket list? the fuck is a bucket list

27. Do you have a favorite album? yeah but i think i’ve talked about the same few albums too many times on this blog. so here’s more albums that have become some of my favorites since then or i think are neat!

“Life” by KNOWER. i initially liked it because a few tracks were funny, but it quickly became one of my albums to listen to because of how they take pride in their weirdness to make each track unique and fun to listen to

“In Decay” by Com Truise is the perfect album for driving through empty highways at 4am

“metacontinues” by Frums. i only discovered frums recently and loved their music because of how tense and chaotic their tracks tend to be while still having structure. however, this album has a more mysterious tone to it, though it still has that distinct “frums” sound.

i’m not good at describing sound, and i am not a music expert. just listen to these.

28. What do you want for your birthday? validation and a good burger

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? either “quiet”, “chill”, or “looks 15″

30. What age do you seem according to most people? 15

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? close enough to my head where i’ll hear the speaker

32. What word do you say the most? “sublime”

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? i’d deviate 3 years from my own age at the most

34. What’s the youngest you would date? see above

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? sometimes people tell me to get into music

36. What’s your favorite music genre? a ton of songs i like are apparently classified as indietronica, so i guess that’s it

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? probably hawaii or any place where i have good access to both the city and the more serene hiking locales

38. What is your current favorite song? “Analys” by Hayako (from DJMAX RESPECT) is a song that’s been playing on loop in my mind for about a month now. same with “NULCTRL” by Silentroom. both tracks are just really fuckin good

39. How long have you had this blog for? almost 6 years jesus

40. What are you excited for? doom eternal and iceborne

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i typically think of myself as a good listener but in recent years people have been calling me a good talker

42. What was the last productive thing you did? go 2 work

43. What do you want for Christmas? validation and a good burger

44. What class do you get the best grades in? straight B student babey

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? about a 4, give or take a tenth

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? being really old and tired

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? middle school probably

48. What age do you want to get married? when i feel like it

49. What career did you want to have as a child? veterinarian then i realized i don’t wanna stick needles into rabid chihuahuas

50. What do you crave right now? validation and a good burger

not tagging anyone but i’m doing the usual “if you see this, you can do it” kind of thing. everyone i would have tagged moved to twitter anyway

#q&a

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scaryscarecrows · 6 years

Text

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 5

Jason ends up making a new, not-dorky e-mail to get a hold of Sheila. He’s got two, it’s not that, but one he knows Barbara (and therefore Bruce) monitors, and the other, well…look. Dick made it for him when he was a kid, and…Dick…Dick is Dick. God help him, he thought ‘littlewing@gmail’ was a good idea and by the time Jason actually found out about it, it was too late to do anything.

Oh, well. Everyone hates their first e-mail address. And at least he didn’t come up with that, he had it thrust upon him. It’s something.

He makes a nice, unembarrassing, un-Bat-stalked e-mail and sends a generic ‘hey how are you’. And then promptly pretends to himself that he doesn’t remember doing that and goes to trawl Craigslist for any sketchy-looking ads. You’d think these people would learn that there’s at least a sixty-forty shot of a cop or worse answering, but whatever.

So far, there’s not much-lotta people lookin’ for a dom-oh. Ohhh, that movie came out last weekend, didn’t it. That explains so much.

He clicks back out and channel-surfs for a bit instead, catches two seconds of a promo for something with a bloody clown and figures fuck it, he’s playing Mario Party even though it cheats worse than Penguin’s professional card players.

He’s getting absolutely wrecked by Goddamn Waluigi when his laptop announces that he’s got mail. He pauses-mid-Goddamn Waluigi gloating pose, how unfortunate-and pulls it over.

She has sent him a…it’s a…cat. She’s sent him a picture of a smiling cat. Is this a thing? Is this referencing something? Is she, perhaps, actually related to Dick?

He’s so confused.

Whatever. A quick Google search says that the cat is a thing. He responds with a piano-playing one and an inquiry about work before shutting off the Gamecube because fuck you, Waluigi.

Now what? He’s not good at this kinda thing, never was even…Before…but now? Haha forget it. He can muddle, a little, when people don’t know things but she knows something, clearly, because Batman tracked her down. She knows enough, and invariably there will be pity because nobody, including himself, knows what to say.

He wraps himself up in the blanket that lives on the couch and wishes somebody had written a manual for ‘how to live your best life after spending a year with a mad clown’. But to be fair, there can’t be that many people who lived to tell the tale.

Heh. There’s that one Gotham-based advice columnist, the one who’s there for the weirdoes with questions like ‘I have a hardcore crush on the Riddler, but I know I shouldn’t, please help me’. He could write to that…no, no, that wouldn’t end well. Some weird Joker cultist might come looking for him.

The computer dings again and he shoves a hand free from the blankets. Another cat, and a ‘thankfully slow day. This is his life now, apparently; communicating with his maybe-long-lost-mother through cat pictures. What a world.

He’s not gonna lie, though, the cats are cute and it’s…they’re a good buffer. They’re making this all a little less awkward.

As it turns out, he may come by his ‘God help the dumbasses’ honestly-Sheila has a biting sense of humor and he knows he shouldn’t laugh at the schmuck who got his dick wedged in a coconut, but…but…he’s sure that guy’s probably the same type to take a shortcut down a dark alley. Hell, for all he knows, he’s saved that exact guy from that exact situation.

Bruce would roll his eyes and rub his nose and say nothing. He was never very good at realizing that yeah, you gotta save people, but sometimes…sometimes they’re in that boat because they’re really fucking stupid.

Or at least, he never told Jason that.

It’s another hour, easy, of light back-and-forth before he makes himself send a ‘I gotta get some sleep, I got the night shift’, shuts the computer off, and burrows into his blanket. Bed’s too far away and he’s comfy here.

For once, he’s out cold in five minutes.

* * *

He lives to regret sleeping on the couch. When he wakes up, it’s late afternoon and he. Is. Stiff.

I regret my life choices.

Well. Most of them, anyway.

His computer informs him that Sheila sent him a ‘sweet dreams’ e-mail and, um. It’s. It’s been a while and he’s torn between being gobsmacked and feeling stupid for feeling all warm inside.

Catherine used to-well, when she was…healthy…-she used to read to him from an old, falling apart book of Greek myths. Looking back, she did some heavy on-the-fly editing, because it wasn’t until later that he found out that oh, Hercules killed his whole family, but she did it and after, she used to kiss his forehead and tell him the same thing. He tried to do it for her, later, but he was never really good at it and she never seemed to notice.

He did it anyway.

Stretching gets several nasty pops out of his spine and hips, but he can now move a little easier. He wants a smoothie.

He’s just finished making it when there’s a knock on his door and he frowns, tries to remember if he ordered anything recently. No…so…

It turns out to be Mz. Melinda May, armed with Snickerdoodles. Hell yes.

“Hey, Triple-M.”

“Hey, honey.” She shoves the plate at him. “I don’t trust you not to eat.”

“I do!” he protests, moving out of the way so she can come in. “I just made a smoothie! I made Jambalaya last night!”

That was a bad thing to say. She cocks an eyebrow at him and asks, voice deadly calm, “Did you put a splash of Tabasco in it?”

Shit. He knew he forgot something.

“No?”

“Boy, I told you once, I told you a hundred times…”

“I spaced! I got distracted by something outside!”

She sighs and shakes her head.

“I’m not staying, it’s my bridge night and those old bitches are going down in flames.” Some part of him is, and probably always will be, amused and terrified that she swears like that. “But you don’t take care of yourself.”

“Thanks for the cookies.”

“Hm.” She hobbles into the hall, muttering darkly to herself about, “No Tabasco…absolute disgrace…” and he shuts the door. Shower, then cookie.

…

No. Cookie first. So it doesn’t go stale or anything. Can’t be too careful, after all.

#Jason Todd #Sheila Haywood #Mz. Melinda May #mentions of Catherine Todd #honestly this arc has a lot of people momming him #fight me somebody should #lol cats were not part of Joker's education program #Roots and Leaves

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prissypickle · 5 years

Text

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

#little #babygirl #little space #baby #little girl #little one #age regression #princess #daddy #mommy #my story #graduation #class of 2018 #highschool #high school

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milski · 6 years

Text

Long story

When I was 14 years old, I experienced a teacher touching me inappropriatly and he made me touch him aswell. I kept this to myself for some months, I then attempted suicide. My mother did not believe that I actually took the pills that I said I did, despite having been put into the hospital to have them pumped out of my stomach. My father came, I told him I was raped. I did not have a proper understanding of what the difference between rape and molestation was. He got me to tell him the whole story, and got angry that I had lied. (I always had an infatuation with older men giving me attention, and my father would get angry with me for smiling at older men) He then told me that I had probably brought it on myself, with all the flirting I do with older men. He told me in graphic detail how, if I had been raped, the man would have penetrated my asshole, ripping it open and causing me to bleed and be in so much pain. He told me that I would be traumatized and that I was a horrible person for lying about rape and that I was a horrible person for attempting suicide.

After many years of my dad being cruel to me (calling me fat, even though I had an eating disorder and was underweight, saying I would never amount to anything other than his servant and that I was a slut) I finally turned 18, I decided to explore the kink world. I had heard many great things from friends who were in the bdsm world, that women were treated like queens and were well respected.

One day, a friend asked if I wanted to go to a swingerclub with him, because it was cheaper if he had a companion with him. I said yes, because I was curious and also because it seemed like a fun idea. I had a glas of cola, I left my glass on the table inside and went into the outdoor jacuzzi. After a while I went back inside to finish my cola and I started talking to a guy who was sitting next to me. He asked if I wanted to go upstairs with him, there was a massage room and he could give me a massage. I thought he seemed nice and i was attracted to him so I said yes and went with him. After a little while, I started to feel queezy and sick and dizzy. I thought I was just very nervous, because it was all very new to me. I was faced down, with my face squished into the hole in the massage table. The guy was still massaging my back, when I heard the door open. Then I saw some feet coming towards the table, and then another pair and another and so on.. suddenly there were 8 guys, all around my body, touching me. I tried to lift myself up but my limbs felt weird, like they were numb but I could still feel them touching them. I then tried telling them to stop, because it was too much for me, and my speech came out very slurred. They were talking to eachother in an arabic sounding language. Then they lifted my body and turned me around and I finally realized that I was not okay, my head was flopping, my eyes could be kept straight, they just rolled around my head and i couldnt figure out why I felt like this. They then lifted me and carried me into the room next door, it had a big circular bed on the floor and a bowl of condoms next to it. I don’t remember if they used any.. at this point it get very graphic, I’m not sure how much I can handle writing down.

I remember then taking the rest of my clothes of, rough enough to hurt me. Then two of them lifted my limp arms and put my hands around their penises and just rubbed them with my hands. another three were fighting about whose penis goes in my mouth, they kept grabbing my head and turning it towards their penis and they would squeeze my jaw until i opened my mouth and they would just use my head like a fleshlight, with no regard for me breathing. The rest took turns on my vagina and asshole. At some point, I gave up and just cried. I was helpless and I couldnt scream or shout, I could barely breathe and it hurt so much. I wished and begged to god that it would just stop and be over. It lasted about an hour, nonstop. By the time it had ended, I had lost everything. I was 18 years old, I had been proud that I was putting on some weight and looking more like a normal person, I loved myself, my body and everything about myself. I was happy. And they took EVERY SINGLE THING away from me! I lost my will to live, I was a worthless whore, a slut, who deserved what I got. My father was right, I became exactly who he said I would become. I could never tell anyone about this. If I told my parents, my dad would probably tell me I deserved it, that I asked for it by going there. That I was the dumbest piece of shit in the world who left my drink unattended un perpose to let someone drug me and use me like the whore i was.

At 19, I started smoking marijuana to deal with the anxiety and just to get away from hating myself all the time. It was the only time I didnt wanna die, was when I was high. So I started smoking more and more. Finally it wasnt enough, by the time I was 20, I started doing psychedelic shrooms and I would do mdma. All throughout my drug addiction, my dad had been diagnosed with Leukemia, and I was being told that I was a horrible daughter and sister, because I didn’t want to see my dad. I attempted to go see him a few times, to talk things through from the past (he choked me to the point of passing out, he has hit me and threated to beat the crap out of me) but he denied ever having done anything wrong. I have always wished that he was the great dad that he could be. He wasn’t a horrible person all the time, he did great things with us, sometimes he’d even call me a beautiful young and bright woman who could achieve so much if I just tried. I heard him say that once, and it was enough to keep me coming back despite it never happening again. I just wanted my dad to love me.

I had visited my dad the week before he went into coma, we talked and I decided after a while that I would rather leave and be with my friends, because my dad always made me feel like I did something wrong. I told him I love him before I left, but I regret not staying longer. I came into the hospital when he went into a coma, I sat and talked to him alone, telling him how I wish he would have been the father I knew he could’ve been, how I loved him so much for all the good things he ever did for me, and that I understand that he was traumatized as a child and that probably made him repeat the cycle on me. I forgave him, because I know that he loved me, that he just used the wrong words to say it.

The doctors told us he could probably be in the coma for 2 days to a week and then he might wake up again. I went home to a friend, I took some mdma because I wanted to forget and not feel. At 2 am, I got the call to come into the hospital and say my goodbyes. I was high on mdma when I went to the hospital to say goodbye. No one noticed, because every one of them looked just as glazed over in the eyes and just broken. I went to the bathroom to cry, because I was taught not to cry in front of others. When they pulled the plug, I was allowed to go into the room, see him dead and do what i needed to do. When I got into the room, i fell to the ground and started screaming and crying. I couldn’t believe it. He looked so different. like a weird version of himself. a very realistic doll. We finally all finished our goodbyes and went home. I started doing even more drugs, and I would see my dad. even when i wasnt on drugs, i would see him. he was walking on the street as my bus drove by him. I started seeing him everywhere.. it got to the point where i saw him every day, like a spirit in front of me, he would yell and scream and call me horrible things. Then he would hit me and I could feel it, it hurt. I even woke up from it. This went on for a year, and the drugs were the only thing to make it stop. I tried going to three different psychiatric hospitals and they wouldnt take me in, because i was a drug addict and they didnt tell me to stop doing the drugs so i could get treatment.

I was doing a lot of ghb, which is a known date rape drug, but in small dosages it made me high and it would make the voices go away. (I had three voices in my head, telling me what to do, what to be afraid of and also telling me how worthless i was and so on) I would prostitute myself for money or drugs. My body is a tool, and should be used as such. I distanced my feelings from anything that had to do with sex. Sex and emotions are not a thing that I know how to mix. In the process of selling my body, I have had experiences of men who decided that if I was prostituting myself, then I had no standards and therefor no rights. That i was a piece of meat.. i would try to fight off these men in the beginning, but eventually, I learned to just let it happen. I talked to a policeman, told him what these men would do to me, and he said that it was my own choice, I was choosing to be a prostitute and that it comes with the job, just like he risks getting attacked by people on his job. He also said that I probably would get far in court with my case, because i was a prostitute and so it would be hard to prove that i didnt want it to happen, that i wasnt trying to scam men out of their money or something.. I don’t remember it clearly, but it was enough to make me keep my mouth shut.

I am now 22 years old, I have been mostly clean of all drugs for a year now, with the rare occation of either smoking some pot to help me sleep (i now have prescription sleep medicine) and doing ghb for a weekend, because the voices became too much and the psychiatric system is very slow on giving me medicine. I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia in januar 12th 2019, and it is now march 13 and I have only been able to get sleeping medication because i told them that i tried to smoke marijuana to sleep but it made me more paranoid so i dont want to smoke it. I hope that I can become medicated with some anti psychotic medicine very soon, this is a lot for me.

I recently dug up the old memories of the group rape, and i have finally opened up to a couple people about what has happened to me. I have been guided towards some help centers for rape victims, i hope that i can one day learn to accept the situation and maybe even learn to love myself again. So far, I just have a huge issue with one of the voices in my head telling me im disgusting, useless, worthless, whore, pic, fat, ugly, cumhole, how i deserve to be raped. How every man who is in some way a part of my life, whether its a friend, boyfriend, the men who work at the institution i live in, should rape me, because that is all i am worth to them. that i should be fucked and filled with cum in every hole and over my body they should write all the things that makes me deserve it so the whole world can see how much of a waste of life i am. I should be mutilated, have people stick knives in me, burn me and make me look like the worthless , pathetic excuse of a whore.

those things are being repeated and yelled into my head over and over, and it been going on, in different variations over the years, and I am so incredibly tired. I just want it all to stop. I cant sit in my apartment alone and relax or enjoy anything, because this is going on, reminding me of how much i hate myself. I need help. im really hope that it will get better. Im just worried that i cant keep fighting this fight much longer. i am so tired. i just want it to stop. im calling the center for rape victims tomorrow morning when their phones open, and i need them to help me. i am desperate. i dont know how to deal with it all. it so much and im not an adult, i wasnt an adult when it all started and i havent had the chance to become an adult because of how much i cant even process properly, ive never spoken about the night of the rape since. and i just want help. i can’t keep it up much longer, i can’t keep pretending im not broken and wishing i could just numb myself with drugs so i dont have to feel it all the time.. i just want help. i will update this, if i get help and how/if it helped me.

i don’t know what else to write now. so i guess this is the end of my very long story.

#me too movement #metoo

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