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thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch · 3 years

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Seasoned Until Perfection

b.katsuki / reader

genre: third year UA students, established relationship, fluff

warning(s): lots of food (obvs) and eating, bakugou is a picky eater (he doesn't like procress foods), chicken nugget slander, bakugou gets offended approx. one (1) time for the lolz

w.count: 2.5k

synopsis: it hasn't been long since bakugou and yourself started taking turns cooking for each other. you don't understand exactly why it started, but nonetheless it's been happening for a while. all that mattered now is bakugou's food kept getting spicier after seeing you constantly adding spice to the food he served you. just how much spice could you take? he was determined to find out.

-x-x-x-

a/n: everyone thank @gingerpeachtae for the idea im finally breathing life into and also thank her for giving me more bakugou ideas bc yes pls

-x-x-x-

"So, you don't eat chicken nuggets?"

"Who the fuck would willingly eat processed food? That shit's obviously bad for you."

"I would eat an entire bag of these oven-cooked, crispy bad boys on my death bed."

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"A lot, but we don't have time to unpack all that."

That was the conversation that started it all.

You were pulling a frozen, unopened bag of chicken nuggets Kaminari had graciously bought for you at the store a couple days ago from the freezer one evening after all your homeworker was sorted away. As you were sliding the cookie sheet lined with the frozen nuggets into the preheated oven, Bakugou had walked into the dorm's kitchen and gave you the most disgusted look that's ever crossed his face to date.

"What?" You questioned, lifting the oven door up and securing the heat inside while setting a timer.

"You actually eat that crap?" It wasn't offensive to you, the question he asked. You were just bewildered.

"You don't?"

"It's processed."

"Yeah? And?"

"It's disgusting." The conversation went back and forth with Bakugou slandering you for eating such obviously unhealthy food, but the moment the oven's timer went out, you were still happily dancing to retrieve your now crispy dinner from its heated prison.

"Processed or not, I'm eating them and nothing you say or do will change that." He ends up letting you do what you want, but the next day when you open the dorm's freezer in search of something to cook up, he's suddenly slapping your hand from the handle and re-shutting the door.

"Sit down, shut up, and wait," he tells you with no other explanation as he practically shoves your behind into a chair before he starts cooking. Before long, he was putting a plate of steaming noodles with spices and steamed, cooked vegetables mixed in a rich-looking sauce in front of you.

"Is this for me?" You ask, not really waiting for an answer as you pick up the pair of chopsticks he had slid over to you along with the plate. It looks delicious and you could feel yourself salivating from the smell alone.

"Well, it's not for anyone else. You just gonna stare at it all night or what?"

"That wouldn't be a bad idea, it looks great."

"Shut up and eat it," he grumbles, trying to hide the fact that your compliment and stary gaze definitely inflated his ego. As you happily eat, he remained beside you, watching you with a soft gaze and refilling your glass of water when it was close to becoming empty.

The flavor was thick and rich and with eat bite you felt happy because the food Bakugou made you was delicious, but also sad because each bite was one closer to finishing your plate. Even when Bakugou said that there was more if you wanted, you knew you had to save some for him to eat too. Before long, he got his own and joined you in sharing a meal.

Later on that day, he did get a little teasing from Kaminari because he had cooked for you. It didn't last very long though.

Now, it's been close to two months and Bakugou was once again slaving away at the stovetop, turning his sizzling pan with beef down to a simmer as he stares down at the brown, well-cooked meat. He lazily stirred the meat around with his cooking chopsticks, pushing the grounds around in the grease that came from the pieces, he lifted the pan to strain the content.

On a separate burner was a concoction of flavors in the form of a sauce that would soon be added to the meat then to the cooked noodles he had sitting on yet another burner. As he looked at the sauce, he contemplated adding a little kick to it.

On occasion, when his back was turned, he would see you sneak in spices and seasonings when you thought he couldn't see you. Ever since he started cooking for you, he had taken it easy on the spice since his classmates all called him crazy for the amount of spice he adds to his food. The last thing he wanted was you telling him to stop making food for you because it was too hot or spicy.

So, bit by bit, he's been adding flavors and spices to up the ante just to see what you could take and what your limit was. So far, it's been a week since he's started that and part of him was relieved to have some spicy food back in his stomach. He also always had a side bowl of plain rice to serve just in case the next meal he served was too much for you.

You were currently up in your room finishing up some homework when he mixed in the sauce to the meat and then stirred in the noodles. He pulled his phone from his pocket, taking the spice of the day and sprinkling it in until he thought enough was enough. Pushing his phone against his cheek with his shoulder, he calls your cell.

"Dude," Kirishima walks into the kitchen, smelling the strong scene of the spice he was adding into the almost finished dinner product. "Are you trying to burn your own tongue off?"

"It ain't for you, so shut yer trap," he bites back when you finally pick up. "Hey, idiot, come downstairs. Foods done." He hung up after a quick 'I'm coming!' from you before he promptly stuffs his phone back into his pocket. Turning the burner off with a satisfying click of the turner, he moved the pan to the only cool burner and started spooning it into bowls.

Part of him was nervous for this dish honestly, not that he was going to voice that concern out. It was a bit different than the normal Japanese dishes he made, and took a bit from other regions than Japan. It sure did smell good though.

"You're really going to make Y/n eat that? It smells like a full-on pepper man!"

"I already said, it ain't-" his temperamental rant got caught off when you come trotting into the kitchen all smiles and once again with stars in your eyes. Every dish of Bakugou's you've had the pleasure of eating so far was bliss to your taste buds so you couldn't wait to try something new! "Well, you got down here fast."

"Took the stairs. This food isn't going to eat itself!" You peek around his back to Kirishima, his hair all flat and still dripping with remants of shower water. "Looks like someone just took a shower. Hunting for food?"

Kirishima smiles, rubbing the side of his head with the towel still thrown over his shoulders to collect those annoying beads of water.

"Yup. Nothing like something tasty right after a nice shower."

"You want to try Bakugou's cooking? It's really good!"

Before Bakugou could reject your offer of his food that was made solely for you and him exclusively, Kirishima laughs. The red head opts to open the fridge and pull out a small, prepacked sandwich instead. They were small, easy and for sure not packed full with ridiculous spices, he and the others had stocked up on them other day because they were on sale.

"No thanks. I think maybe that's an exclusive delight." He looks at Bakugou's glare that could double as a faint pout. He started opening his packaged food before continuing. "Besides, I can't handle that type of flavor." You raise your brow at his reasoning but shrug it off esaily.

"Your loss."

"Stop talking moron," Bakugou interjects, handing you your bowl filled with steaming food. "Go sit, I'll be right there." You quickly take the bowl and utensils from him as you place a small kiss on his chin in thanks and trot off to sit down and wait for him.

Bakugou feels a burn on his side as he glances over at Kirishima, peering over his sandwich at his friend. His eyes were thin in mischieve when he sees the slight flush on the blond's face that ran to coat the top of his ears.

"Not one fuckin' word," he growls, the silent acknowledge of his blush between the two only made him redder.

"I'd never," Kirishima taunts back. Bakugou just makes his own bowl and practically stomps to go and join you for dinner, leaving the red head to his tasteless, store-bough sandwich.

Loser, Bakugou thinks to himself- although fondly.

It really was easy to get to Bakugou's heart. Just compliment his cooking and give him one, small kiss in the kitchen. Simple as that. Well, with the added condition that it was you fulfilling the overall quota. If it were someone like Midoriya, a quick 'wow, it looks great', and whatever food was mentioned would be thrown out the window asap.

As you two ate, Bakugou watches you. Today's food was almost up to his spice standard and you joyfully take bite after bite like it didn't have even a hint of a kick in it. As you both were close to finishing, he spoke up.

"Hey." You hum at him, mouth full as you almost whine at the thought of having no more food after this. "I'm making food tomorrow too."

"Isn't it my turn though?"

"I'm not repeating myself," he hisses. You immediately cave, letting him have his way. You weren't going to complain about not having to cook for one more day; far from it. Although, you were curious as to why he wanted to cook again. Maybe because he enjoyed cooking or maybe there's something new he wanted to try?

"Is there a particular reason or?" You try pushing.

He's silent for a moment, sitting in thought. "Not really," he mutters. You drop it at that. If he wanted to cook, then you'd let him without too much fuss.

And then tomorrow came.

Bakugou was already in the kitchen cooking, or rather finishing up cooking, by the time you got back to the dorms. You had showered and changed into something clean and comfortable before you meandering your way down to the kitchen. Coming up behind him and popping off to his side, your hands behind your back and neck craning to get a good look at the food he was messing with.

"Soba?"

"Okinawan soba noodles," he mutters the specifics before he grabs a small bottle without a label on it. The bottle was something he had gone home earlier in the day for since it was a weekend and snaged from the kitchen in his home before tearing the lable off so you wouldn't know what it was.

Koregusu.

The best way to eat the punget hot sauce from Okinawa was to have soba noodles with it in his opinion. It happened to be one of his favorates he had at home, even with the alcohol mixed into it, it was more spicy than acoholic. And it always hit the spot that is his spicy fix.

Pouring in drop after drop of the sauce, you close your eyes, smelling the spice and taking it in.

"That smells really good," you purr.

"It better taste good to you too." Finishing up, handing your your portion and taking his own, you both move to the table and start to eat. Nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary aside from the slowness of Bakugou's actions.

He was purposely taking it slow, taking it easy. A few noodles between his chopsticks here and there, stiring the soba around, scrolling on his phone on occassion, taking a small sip of water. All to just watch you.

He watches you happily eat bite after bite and not so much as flinch at the taste of the hot sauce he added. After slurping up another string of noodles, he clears his throat to get your attention. You flick your eyes up to him, cheeks full as you chew your current bite.

God you were adorable.

"'s it good?" You happily nod at him, cheeks red. He couldn't tell if it was red because of the spicy sauce or because of your eleation of the food itself. However, the level of spice did effect your lips, he could seem them puffing out in a near induced pucker that he found just a bit too cute if he was being honest with himself.

"It is! It's nice to finally have something decently flavoured to eat."

"Excuse me?" His voice dropped along with his brows. You immediately tried to remedy the automatic reply that just shot out of your mouth. Coughing lightly, you take a drink of water before you notice Bakugou had set his chopsticks down and brought his elbow up to rest on the table, his chin in his hand while he frowns at you.

"It isn't what you think," you rush out, trying not to smile in embarrassment at the predicament you had put yourself in. "All the food you've made me was good! It was, really! I promise," you almost whine at his unchanging, offended expression.

The hand that didn't support his chin rested on the table, his fingers tapping as if trying to make you continue to convince him why he shouldn't be offended by your off-hand comment.

"Ughh!" You groan, throwing your head back and kicking your legs under the table. Resetting your position, you lower your head and form a pout. As you look down at what little remains of your food, you fumble and play with your chopsticks lightly. "I just really like spicy foods and the foods before weren't that spicy, that's all." Your voice almost sounded pathetic now, like you were on the verge of crying.

You weren't. You just knew that if Bakugou hears the way your voice was quiet and held the smallest tone of dejection, he'd stop scowling at you. You hear him sigh in front of you, the sign of you being correct. When you glance up again, he was no longer glaring at you, but more scrunching up his face in mild irritation.

"If that was the case, why didn't you fuckin' tell me. I would've added my level of spice from the beginning idiot." His hand that was under his chin slid up to his forehead, rubbing at it as his eyes closed in supressed anger.

"I dunno," you whine again until all the creases in his face had finally smoothed out.

"Whatever," he finally dismisses. "It's over and done with." He finally looks back up at you with eyes that held the same look of aderation he would always have with you, all traces of potential offense vanished. "In the future, if you want something spicy, just tell me."

"Okay," you slowly nod. "I will."

Bakugou grabbed his chopsticks again, reached across the table and pusing the ends of them into your bottom lip. He pushed into your lip enough to slip them between both of your lips and then slid it to the side and up up, pushing the corner of your mouth up into your cheek.

"Good. Now smile," he told you. You instinctively smiled at him, before he took his chopsticks back and started eating again. "Eat before it gets cold."

He didn't say anything else and neither did you. Although, you really wanted to tease him about the red dusting his cheeks that you knew wasn't from the koregusu.

-x-x-x-

a/n pt2: i can't end fics for shit sorry (gimee that feedback pals)

#bakugou #bakugou fic #bakugou x reader #bakugou x gn!reader #bakugou fluff #gn!reader #no gender specified #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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rainandandy · 3 years

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Szabadság tér 16 (Yelena Belova x reader)

Words: 1,117

Pairing: Yelena Belova x reader, Yelena Belova x you

Summary: While in the safe house, you and Yelena go on a grocery run, but she gets distracted by the flower stall.

Budapest is a very warm city in the summer. It was not enough that you wanted to throw yourself out of the window of the seven storey building, but enough that you annoyed Yelena enough that she fanned you with some papers. You were both holed up in a safe house in Budapest together at the time. She had freed almost all of the black widows left behind after Dreykov's demise, but her last mission had gone awry and now she was being hunted by a few different state police forces.

Even though staying inside during this weather was almost unbearable, the bath served as a mini swimming pool and the small refrigerator served as an a/c unit. On the nights when the city would quieten down, she would push the mattress to the window, so you could count the stars with a cool breeze blowing over you.

She had been given a safe house by Mason and he had stocked it with medicine, supplies and food to last her a few weeks. When Yelena's wounds became infected and she asked for you to be the only person to take care of her, he personally flew you out. Now, it had been a few weeks, and the supplies were getting low. Even though you both knew it was the right thing to do, leaving was as dangerous as it could possibly be.

You brought Yelena some stuff to disguise her with. In order to conceal her blonde hair, she wore a black wig, a hoodie, sunglasses. Who am I, exactly? Clark Kent? As you brushed the wig into place, Yelena moaned, "This won't work.". She looked fine, but you liked her blonde better because she was more fun. As you handed her the sunglasses, you complimented her, "I think you look cute.".

We'll have to get black hair dye then, I guess."

"Nono!She smirked, knowing you loved her blonde hair. She surveyed her reflection and fixed a few bits of her hair. Picking up the concealer, you made your way to the girl to fix her yellowing bruise. I always have to take care of my poor baby girl".

"You should see the other guy." She laughed and pecked your nose and lips. At her affection, your smile grew. She would be the death of you. Her hand was in yours as you grabbed your bag and walked out of the room.

“We need a safe word,” Yelena started to explain. “For what? It’s not sex, just shopping” You laughed but her sudden serious tone made you listen. “No, just in case we see something that could be potentially dangerous and it is not safe for you”

“For me? You are still recovering, you are not strong enough to fight at this point"

“No, but I can fight them off and keep you safe until you get to the safe house” She kissed the knuckles on your hand as you descended the winding staircase together. It was your instinct to roll your eyes at the idea of her becoming your white knight. The last thing you would expect is for her to put herself in danger for you, though you would do it in a heartbeat for her. "Squash! Yes, squash!"", she nearly shouted as she reached the bottom step of the staircase.

"Pardon me?" you asked, her big smile beaming at you. Our safe word will be squash. When we hear squash, we leave. You can count on her to do anything to protect you.

You and Yelena could get all the necessities you needed at the nearby penny mart, which was only around the corner from the safe house. Yelena went straight for the junk food aisle when you were inside the grocery store, even though you had made a little list on a scrap of paper of all the things you needed. Her non-hurt arm was holding a small red basket containing chocolates and gummies that was filled with candy. "Yelena no, no, no!" You growled at the spy as she rolled her eyes and stumbled over to the fresh fruit and vegetables. Foods from the list were added and ticked off as you placed them in the cart. As you saw the pale yellow vegetable, you asked Yelena, "Do we need that today, sweetie?" pointing at it.

Yelena’s eyes, who were scanning each customer in the shop, snapped to the vegetable and then rolled far too dramatically for your liking. “Not yet, but if you’re not careful, I will make you scream it later”.

After smirking back at the moany assassin, you walked over to the frozen aisle to pick up a few chicken nuggets to satisfy her. As you were close to finishing, you noticed that Yelena was nowhere to be seen. In the aisles you walked back and forth without spotting any sign of your girlfriend and your mind started to race with all the thoughts of what could have happened. It is possible that someone could have seen her and taken her just like that. There would be no way for you to track her down. She was just gone. While the panic set in, you were quickly repeating the word squash over and over to yourself.

Then you heard giggling coming from the front of the store. Walking up, it was evident Yelena was chatting with a child at the flower stand. There are roses, tulips, sunflowers, lilies, and all other kinds of beautiful flowers you can't possibly name. She took the sunflower and ran the petals on the young girl's nose, and as she giggled, Yelena's smile grew bigger and bigger.

Since she has lost so much of her childhood and she is frantically trying to cling to the memories she has of Ohio, she is only capable of showing kindness to children. She complimented the blond child, "This one smells just like you", she picked up the rose and held it out so the little one could smell it as well. As you watched Yelena interact with someone she was genuinely happy to talk to, you felt your heart melt. You didn't have to worry for a second that they were going to hurt her in any way. It was really amazing to see how open she became around children, and you hoped that she would be like that when you had kids, if you two were to have children of our own.

She smiled at you as she went over to pick up a bouquet of flowers and made her way to meet you at the cashier desk, where you were waiting. Her eyes twinkled and she winked at you, "I have a new friend.". There was a moment in which you joked to her, "I see. Maybe I'll leave the safe house and you two can play together", you responded. It seems to me like I can only play with you tonight," she said smirking, and you can bet you would have a lot of fun in bed with her.

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eldritch-bf · 3 years

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I was trying to Google “what food do rich only rich people eat” (because of a convo I was having with my brother) and got a stupid quora question result “what food do rich people eat they are always skinny”

And surprisingly people actually acknowledged rich people having enough money to pay for cosmetic surgeries like liposuction and also expensive trainers

But one person was like “rich people are rich because they have self discipline which means they also don’t indulge in junk food” no the majority of rich people are not rich because they are penny pinchers or whatever stupid bullshit they’re rich because they were born rich because great great great great grand dad owned 2,000 slaves or stole land from indigenous peoples or taxed the shit out of poor tenant farmers or participated in business racketeering and vertical integration and their family has had money to invest and keep growing their wealth and purchase companies other people built ever since.

the American entrepreneur is rarely a poor immigrant who has a Good Idea and works hard. it’s almost always wealth acquired through unethical means. god damn even thomas edison stole, sued, harassed, and maybe even killed his own research assistant’s or competitor’s inventions and he’s supposed to be the American ideal from the gilded age, the shining star amongst the corruption.

rich people are not cut from a finer cloth than poor people or whatever. rich people: don’t have to deal with food deserts, can shop at fancy grocery stores, afford cooking lessons OR higher other people to cook for them, afford personal trainers, have the leisure and resources to dive deep into recreational sports like tennis or kayaking, easier to seek treatment for mental illnesses that cause overeating or disordered eating, get liposuction, have their stomachs stapled, hell even get some weight loss medication, or can get scripts to abuse prescription meds for their side effects of appetite suppression or weight loss, and most importantly, they can afford to buy healthy foods.

i literally do not buy vegetables or raw meat anymore because I do not eat them fast enough OR know how cook them consistently (I’m always afraid of undercooking meat so I overcook it until it’s basically burned and hard). Now I only buy lunch meat and frozen chicken nuggets. I buy my groceries at target. It’s cheap, I get a discount, I buy the generic versions of food items, AND it’s easier to shop lift food items from. also I work a physical labor job. When I come home at 8 pm I don’t have the energy to cook much of anything so I’m making a frozen dinner or eating left over pasta, which I cook often two boxes of at a time specifically so I can have leftovers for the whole week. And I am fat. I have too surgery in a month and I hit a few hospital’s BMI ceiling so I have to be seen at xyz hospital.

the quora post also made the assumption that skinny = healthy which is not the case. one of my cousins teeters the line between healthy and underweight. I shared a kitchen with her for 6 months. that woman puts lite beer and weed into her body and that’s it. all I picture when I imagine skinny rich man is Ryan Howard on the office during his cocaine addiction. yes Martha you’re skinny but it’s LITERALLY the diet of Vodka and Klonopin.

tl;dr yeah, poor people are often fatter and rich people are often skinny but it has nothing to do with a personality defect in poor people lacking self control and has everything to do with lack of access to resources for a healthy lifestyle. this is to say nothing about how this all contributes to a shorter life expectancy for poor people.

#anti capitalism #anarcho communism #leftism #capitalism #gilded age #the gilded age #also just because rich people are skinny doesn’t mean they’re healthy or any skinny people #I’m worried r*cism is one of the banned tags

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keelywolfe · 3 years

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Drabble: Window Pains (BAON)

Summary: Edge always appreciates the view where Stretch is concerned.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Domestic Fluff, Chickens!

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

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Read it on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

After six months of living in the hastily built housing that was first made for Monsters when they came to the surface, when it came time to choose his current home, one of the things Edge specified was the windows.

His brother might choose to keep his house as dark and shadowy as a cave in the name of security, but Edge refused to do same. He’d come to the surface to see the sun and by the stars, he meant to see it, every moment possible.

That meant a home filled with windows; a large bay window in the living room looking out into the street, several in the bedroom with room-darkening curtains pulled back to reveal a lovely view of his well-tended backyard. Even his kitchen had a bank of windows over the sink and of all the ones in the house, those ones served him best. Through the thin glass he could watch the world outside as he kneaded bread dough or stirred roasting vegetables; whether he was creating meals for those he loved or washing dishes, any boredom in the chore was alleviated by the view of his flowerbeds or the searingly blue sky. Or, in this case, his husband standing by one of the larger trees, staring up at it with a perturbed expression on his pretty face and both fists on his narrow hips.

Curiosity had him drying his hands on a kitchen towel before heading out to the backyard to see what the adventure of the day was going to be. Knowing Stretch, it would be interesting if nothing else.

The moment he opened the sliding glass door, he could hear Stretch talking loudly, “…down here right now!”

“Love, if you’re arguing with the sky, I’m afraid you might be in for a disappointment,” Edge called. He closed the door behind him, hardly limping at all as he walked out into the yard. Every day his leg was better, and he was grateful for it. “Besides, I believe it’s better for the world in general for the sun to stay exactly where it is. Hurtling through frozen space without it seems like bad planning.”

Stretch looked over his shoulder at him, his eye lights tinged orange in exasperation, “if i was trying to get some shiny new weather-related powers, i would have gotten hooked up with my x-men costume first.”

“I’m not sure whether or not to be disappointed that you aren’t investing in Storm cosplay.” Edge came up beside him, giving him a light nudge with his elbow that Stretch haughtily ignored. “Then what…” he looked up and trailed off, “ah.”

Up in the leafy boughs, sitting contently on one of the high branches was Nugget. She chirred softly at catching sight of Edge, fluffing her dark feathers but made no attempt to get down from her lofty perch.

“yeah, ‘ah’,” Stretch mimicked unhappily. “she’s been up there for ages. i think she’s stuck.”

Pointing out that she would very likely flap her way down when she was ready wasn’t likely to soothe Stretch’s obvious worry. Nugget already had one wing that was broken and healed, and she really did not need another.

Edge studied Nugget’s chosen roost. The branches were set in a way that climbing to her would be difficult, but there were a few that could support a skeleton’s weight. “And you haven’t teleported up because…?”

“i thought about it, but if i come up next to her, she might panic jump and get hurt.” Stretch rubbed a hand over his skull, his bony fingers clattering nervously over the smooth bone. “i mean, i could probably go for a midair teleport right in front of her but that’d mean teleporting up with the right height and timing to grab her before she could get away, and then getting us both back to the ground before we build up too much momentum on the way down. the math alone would take me a little while, i can do it, but it’s not like i was training for the chicken olympics and what if she reacts badly to it? i haven’t teleported any of the ladies, look how you react to a shortcut, what if it hurts them—”

“Wait.” Edge held up a hand, cutting off his anxious rambling. “Stay here, keep an eye on her.”

Edge jogged back into the house and headed back to the kitchen and the small closet tucked into one corner, selecting a single item before heading back out.

When he returned to the watch position at the tree, Stretch only looked at the dust mop doubtfully. “she could probably use a cleanup, but i’m not sure you’ve got the tools or the talent to do it with that.”

“Just wait, ye of little faith.” Edge lifted the mop and directed the long handle through the branches until he could reach the one Nugget was perched on. He held it steady, careful not to nudge her as he coaxed, “Come on, you brat, your chariot awaits.”

He’d hardly spoken before Nugget hopped on the mop head, her clawed feet gripping as he carefully lowered her back down to the ground. She clucked happily, unconcerned at the drama she’d caused as she dashed over to join her brethren in searching the yard for any tasty insects.

“There. Problem averted,” Edge announced. He leaned against the mop handle as he turned towards Stretch, his triumph faltering at his strange expression. “What?”

Stretch only shook his head with a rueful chuckle, “you know, babe, i’m almost jealous of your chicken powers.“

That confession made Edge frown. “I never meant for them to be so attached to me.” He hadn’t. The point was they were supposed to be Stretch’s pets and they clearly adored him as well, but this was hardly the first time they’d chosen him over Stretch. “I’m sorry.”

“woah, hey, i said almost,” Stretch stressed, sidling up close with a smirk. He leaned his light weight against Edge, shifting his center of balance and forcing him to brace himself against the mop handle to keep them upright. “but honestly, it’s way more fun to watch you put your inner disney princess to use.”

“My what?” Edge started to ask, distracted by the way Stretch settled his hands on his hips as his husband leaned in close to steal a kiss.

He drew away entirely too soon, holding Edge back when he would have risen on his toes to take another. “besides, not like i can blame them for adoring you.”

There was likely some retort for that, something tart and teasing, a pun perhaps, or a sly remark. Whatever it might be escaped Edge as he tossed the dust mop to the ground and caught hold of Stretch’s arms, ignoring his squawk of laughter as he swung him around into a dip to take a proper kiss.

If anyone were watching from the kitchen window, the scene would be like one from an old movie, Edge with Stretch slung low in his arms, shorter than him for once as he kissed him warmly with the brilliance of the sun shining overhead. It was surely a lovely view but for once, Edge was happier to be part of the scenery.

-finis

Notes:

This was based on a tiktok someone showed me where someone rescued their chicken this way with a mop. We agreed that Edge would definitely be the one to use cleaning implements in a rescue. 😂

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #by any other name

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commiekinkshamer · 3 years

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My therapist made a plan with me to eat healthier for my mental health but the problem is, money is so sporadic (and yes, I take responsibility for poor budgeting skills that contribute to this) that I’m often going to the store several times a week with $20, spending it, getting another $20 dollars, going back, and so on. (The amount isn’t literally always $20 but you get the point). I come across small amounts of money and am forced to buy small grocery trips bc we can’t go without food while waiting for a larger sum of money.

So yes, if I went to the store with $40, I could theoretically buy a whole chicken, potatoes and vegetables, but instead I only have $20 and also need toilet paper and soap, which is $10, so use the leftover $ to buy the cheap box of frozen nuggets or a pack of hotdogs bc that’s the most filling food for the price.

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vegetalass · 4 years

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RDR2 Boys Cooking + Eating Habits

Arthur

Somebody else on here wrote some headcanons about Arthur not being able to cook and just eating microwave food all the time and I just have to say…. That’s canon

Lowkey though he’s trying his best to get better at cooking

Probably the only thing he knows how to make is pasta

He adds a bunch of random frozen veggies to water as the noodles are cooking

And then smothers the whole thing in butter and calls it a meal

Or he puts marinara sauce on it straight from the jar

And yes, that means it’s cold

He’s also getting better at friend rice, too

But he’s really bad at actually making rice

If he doesn’t add too much water… He burns the bottom

Charles makes a mental note to buy him a rice cooker for his birthday

Makes his own popsicles out of random fruit juices and eats them 24/7

Thinks this qualifies him as a chef

Eats pickles and olives straight out of the jar with a fork

And sauerkraut too probably

Just goes over to john’s house on his pizza nights

Puts ketchup on eggs

John

Pizza dad

Probably orders pizza, salad, and a 64oz soda twice a week

Everything else is just Dino chicken nuggets, Eggos, hot dogs, quesadillas, and frozen peas and corn

Food you feed to little kids, basically

Mostly because he does have a little kid

But also because it’s easy and takes minimal effort and he doesn’t mind eating it, too

Abigail would be mad but she has no room to talk

The most you’ll see him actually make is buttered pasta (like Arthur) or sometimes beans and rice

Abigail bought them a rice cooker a while ago so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to worry about

Probably always has some type of dessert laying around

Doesn’t mean it’s good, but it’s there

Abigail buys a bunch of those gross, low calorie ice creams and John ends up having to finishing them

Family lunches consist of a bologna sandwich on wheat bread with American cheese and mayo, a piece of fruit, a bag of chips or crackers, a go-gurt, and some gummies

And yes he makes them for himself and Abigail too

They’re all eating good at the Marston household

(Not really)

Charles

Everything he cooks are things that can’t be made in single batches

Lots of healthy soups, chilis, stew, etc…

Most of the time, he makes too much of whatever it is so he always has leftovers

Everyone is jealous when he brings them for lunch

Probably finds all of his recipes in the newspaper or random magazines he reads while at the grocery store checkout line

Everyone is like, “Charles… Why are you reading Women’s Fitness?”

And he’s like, “Check out this salad recipe, though”

Puts hot sauce on everything

Salad, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers... You name it

And he’s the king of snacking

All of his snacks are healthy, though

Raw veggies and fruit and quinoa chips from Whole Foods or something like that

Nobody likes this

He’s one of those people who brings hard boiled eggs everywhere as a “snack,” too

And yea, he puts hot sauce on those, also

He really likes those weird protein bars that are hard to bite into and taste like chalk

The flavors are either normal stuff like white chocolate macadamia or Protein Power Punch with whey, chia and seaweed

There’s no in between

He’s also a charcuterie board legend

Hosea is jealous of this talent

Micah

Spends all his money on take out

He’s totally one of those weird people who’s entire trash can is just filled with take out boxes and cans of coke or beer

Constantly eating fast food

You ask him what he bought at the supermarket and he’s like “Pub mix and bud light”

SIR

Everything that he does manage to cook only involve one step of preparation

Unseasoned, fried meats and boiled veggies

Sometimes scrambled eggs and bacon

If he’s feeling fancy, he will make plain sandwiches

This is very rare, though

Can and will complain about anyone’s cooking

Even if it’s good and he he likes it

There are certain people he can’t do this to, though, or they won’t let him eat

The only person’s cooking he doesn’t complain about is Dutch’s

Constantly snacking from an entire party sized bag of chips

And yes, he eats straight out of the bag and wipes his fingers on his jeans

His oven is dirty

Hosea

A meal for him is probably a handful of almonds and an applesauce or yogurt cup

He is constantly making a bunch of those Tik Tok recipes where you just put a bunch of random stuff into your crock pot and add ranch seasoning and cream cheese

*insert all of those memes about mom pulling out the crock pot*

If you complain, he says “Well, you’re always welcome to cook, too”

Wears an apron when he cooks

Constantly eating plain toast with butter

And bananas

And cheese sticks

Thinks that this makes him “healthy”

Definitely likes to snack on those cocktail fruit cups and canned mandarin oranges

His entire freezer is just full of ice cream

It’s all weird flavors like Cherry Garcia, chocolate banana, and pistachio though

Everyone hates him for this

Raisins are his late night treat

Has a secret stash of candy no one can find

That’s okay though because it’s mostly Werthers Originals

And Chiclets gum

He picks out all the orange ones, though

Dutch

Tries to re-plate takeout so he can call it his own

Everybody sees through this but they stopped commenting on it like four Thanksgivings ago

Buys a bunch of those meals from Costco that all you need to do is heat up in the oven

He does like fast food but only from the less popular places

Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, BK, Arby’s, etc.

A&W, too, because he’s old and weird

He can totally cook, he just never does

It’s just normal stuff like spaghetti and meatballs or chicken and rice, though

Tuna fish casserole

He over-seasons everything, though

Mostly because he’s trying to prove that he’s a good cook

Eats dessert twice, every night

Once right after dinner, and then later when he’s feeling like a treat

Will eat in bed

Uses a little bib and tray and everything

Likes pumpkin and sunflower seeds

Would eat hot wings with gloves on

He’s the one who taught Arthur to put ketchup on eggs

Kieran

The second I realized that Kieran would probably be white trash, my life changed

Hamburger Helper meals for LIFE

That one cheeseburger pasta? Kieran probably eats that three times a week

He 100% makes the ketchup-butter sketti from Honey Boo Boo

“It’s been a while since I done had roadkill in my belly”

His favorite dessert is ambrosia salad or that weird yogurt/Cool Whip covered jello that was popular in the 2000s

Probably has a TV dinner every once in a while, too

Instant mashed potatoes and minute rice type of guy

Also gives me big microwave cheddar broccoli vibes

I’ve said this before, but his house is probably stocked with all kinds of on-brand goodies

Probably always has some kind of chip and cookie around

Eats dinner in front of the TV

Dips french fries in mayonnaise

All of this said though, he isn’t a picky eater and will eat whatever is put on his plate

That’s why he’s great to take to restaurants, because he never complains

Honestly it’s just so sweet to think of him making big crockpot meals to share with ppl even if his cooking is a lil.... strange

Javier

Thinks that the hot dog combo from Costco is a suitable dinner

Also gets hot food from the grocery store for dinner a lot

Literally will just heat up a can of something and eat it plain

Beans, chili, soup…

Doesn’t doctor it up or change it at all

He’s happy to share but no one wants any

Chips and dip, 24/7

And it’s just Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and hummus

Probably puts hummus on everything, too

Corn chips, tortilla chips, tortillas, vegetables, sandwiches, etc.

Will put anything in a tortilla and call it a sandwich

Eats leftovers cold

The rest of the gang thinks this is a sin

Makes stir fry with whatever is laying around the house

It’s a little gross because he will try to add leftover beans

Refuses to eat fast food

The only exception he’ll make is for french fries and ice cream

Walks around and eats at the same time

Isn’t above asking the other boys to share with him

Despite the fact that this only happens if what they’re eating is good

Which is almost never

Sean

Sean can’t cook. That’s the end of it

The most he can make is that weird microwave Mac and cheese where the pasta is boiled in the mug??

He never does it tho and just sticks with the normal, frozen Mac and Cheese you can microwave instead

Uses his microwaving ability to make mug cakes

And microwave scrambled eggs

Burns his popcorn every single time

He’s probably set of the smoke detector or fire alarm multiple times

He’s Irish though so of course he’s addicted to potatoes and cabbage

And since he’s from the UK, he likes stuff like beans on toast and marmite

He’s a little nasty too so catch him eating bologna sandwiches on wonder bread

Not even the Marstons are that bad

When he does get takeout, he overspends trying to use a delivery app

He’s like, “And do I need the extra side of special sauce for $5…? Yes.”

Cooks like this

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 headcanons #rdr2 headcanons #arthur morgan #i finally wrote the cooking one LOL #hope you enjoy!!#excited to work on some requests now!

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finnyboywolfhard · 4 years

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Song That The Morning Brings (EPILOGUE)

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

catch up here

summary: months have passed, and the group is spending time with one another.

warnings: cursing and fluff af, short and sweet

A/N: and so we’ve reached the end! this story holds a deeply special place in my heart, and i am so glad that so many of you have enjoyed it and stuck with me along the way. I have no idea what I’m gonna write next, but i am very open to ideas! also lmk if you want to be on a permanent taglist! Enjoy :)

word count: 1.5k

“Okay, so I brought home Sixteen Candles, Nightmare on Elm Street and Gremlins.” Y/N said walking into her living room following a long shift at Family Video. The party and Steve were sitting there patiently waiting. She set her keys on the side table and slipped the vest off her body. She looked towards the group again, sadness gaining as Will and Eleven were missing from the group.

“Sixteen Candles is one of my favorites.” Max said towards the girl.

“That’s a chick flick!” Mike replied.

“And? It’s a good movie Mike.” Steve replied back, standing up to come towards his girlfriend. The kids continued to bicker about what movie they were gonna watch first. Steve left a gentle kiss on Y/N’s lips, and then gazed into her eyes.

“Will you help me make dinner please?” She said with her puppy dog face, knowing what it does to him. He sighed and rolled his eyes as a smile spread across my face.

“I will, but you have got to stop making that face.” He said, rubbing her back and pulling her closer and closer. The girl leaned her face towards hers, letting a gentle but long lasting smooch.

“Can you guys go somewhere else if you’re gonna be gross?” Dustin let out in a huff. The two pulled apart while giggling, Y/N pulling Steve behind her to the kitchen. She made a simple dinner of frozen chicken nuggets and random vegetables she also found. The girl could cook, but cooking for six of them now and one for later, her mom, was a feat she wasn’t willing to venture down currently.

“How was it today? Was Keith more tolerable to you?” Steve asked.

“He was less flirty but there were still a few weird comments. You have the job and he’s been nice to you, hell, you already have a raise! How long do we have to keep this up?” She pleaded to him, regarding how they had to pretend they weren’t a couple at work.

“I don’t know, just a little longer just to be sure.” She sighed and turned back to the pot, stirring absolutely nothing, just deflecting her feelings elsewhere. She knew it was just so they could keep their jobs, but it did hurt not being able to openly love him everywhere. She knew she could keep it professional, but sometimes when Keith is gross, she just wants to involve Steve but she can’t. Steve could tell she was getting tense.

“Come here.”

“I have to pay attention to this.” She said passive aggressively.

“Y/N/N, come here.” She shuffled over to stand in between his legs while he sat on a counter.

“Yes?” He cupped her face into his hands, making sure they were making direct, un-breaking eye contact.

“Y/N Y/M/N Henderson, I am wildly, deeply, crazy in love with you.” This had slowly but surely becoming their way of proving how much love they really had for one another ever since Y/N said it the first time.

“I am even more in love with you Steven Joseph Harrington.” They made loving eye contact for a few seconds before confusion spread across her face.” Hey, the night of the fight, why were you hugging my mom before we left?”

“Oh, yeah. She basically just said that she knew how much I loved you and she had watched me transform before her own eyes. Then I apologized for the way I acted there for a while and uhh—she told me that she trusted me to care for you and be there, because you let me in when you wouldn’t let anyone else in, not even her. All I could do was hug her in that moment. She saw all that I’ve ever wanted to do- Love you.” He watched as the girls eyes pooled with tears, letting his thumb swipe the drop from beneath her eyes. “Come on Y/N/N, please don’t cry.” She let out a softer giggle than usual.

“Oh shush, you’re the one who made me cry. You’re too much for me Stevie. You can act all tough as much as you want, but you’re really just a big ol’ softie.” She said before peppering his face with kisses. She tapped his thighs before moving back to the stove and oven, checking over the food. “Are you taking the party home tonight or are they spending the night? Dusty didn’t tell me.”

“I think they’re sleeping over, why?”

“Do you just want to sleep over too then? We could make breakfast tomorrow for them; maybe take them for a day trip or something?�� Y/N asked calmly, beginning to get dishes out to serve dinner.

“Uhh—yeah, sure. That could be nice.” He cleared his throat, clearly becoming flustered.

“Calm down Stevie, it’s not like you haven’t spent the night here before.”

“That was when we weren’t dating, I want to be respectful.” He said, sitting up a little taller. This made her fully laugh.

“Steve.” She said, giving him a look that just screamed, ‘are you serious right now?’.

“Okay, okay! But if your brother says one stupid thing, I’m out.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” She said, not believing him in the slightest. She went over to entrance of the living room. “Guys, dinner’s ready.”

They all found their way into the kitchen, got their food and went back into the living room, food propped up on their laps. “Did you decide a movie yet?” Y/N asked from beside Steve.

“We can’t agree on Nightmare on Elm Street or Sixteen Candles first.” Lucas said softly, he was clearly the center of this argument.

“Dusty, put in Nightmare on Elm Street, we’ll watch this now rather than right before we go to bed.” The movie played through, members of the group jumping every so often when things got scary. Y/N had herself tucked into Steve, as if he was protecting her from the horrors of the movie.

As the night passed on, Claudia came back from work and watched some of the movies with the kids, they ate a load of popcorn and shared a lot of laughs. It was weird to not have Eleven or Will here, hell it was weird to see Nancy come into the video store without Jonathan. It was as if a piece of their hearts were gone. But this was how they were healing, they were spending time sharing love with one another. Y/N began to yawn and feel tired, somehow cuddling closer and closer to Steve by the second.

“Okay, I think it’s time to get this one to bed. “ Steve said towards the kids, lifting the arm covering Y/N just a smidge.

“Hey! No! I want to finish the movie!”

“Y/N, don’t kid yourself. You’re gonna be asleep in ten minutes.” Dustin said, mocking his sister’s ability to stay awake. She glared at him for a few seconds, communicating with him through their minds, just like siblings do.

“Fine.” She stood up and folded the blanket that was just covering her and Steve. “Come here, give me hugs goodnight, each and every single one of you!” The kids stood to their feet and gave her a hug. Over the past few months, Y/N had been way more open and affectionate with each of them, seeing as how precious the days with them are. They never knew when another battle was going to come again, so she had to show how much she cared every single day. She swore that to herself after what happened with Hopper. Max had started to cling on extra long, clearly re-finding the comfort of a sibling in Y/N. After Billy had died that night, she could never be the same. Sure Billy was awful, and sure Max hated the way he treated people, but he was still her family. They had still been through so much. Y/N was happy to take on any familial role to any of them, knowing how desperately they all needed it.

“Goodnight guys, I love you all so much.” She said before darting up the steps, followed closely by her boyfriend. They meandered through her bedroom, getting ready to go to sleep at their own paces, moving in synchronous motions none the less. They crawled into bed and faced one another.

“I really do love you Stevie. A lot.”

“I really do love you, Y/N/N. So, so much.” He gave her a kiss and pulled her into his chest to fall asleep.

Steve and Y/N’s relationship was one that people saw coming, but could never truly have imagined how beautiful it would really be. They were each other’s favorite people to start and end the day with. They could talk about anything and everything without judgment. Yeah, they fought sometimes, but that’s completely normal. All in all, these two shared a bond of happiness, trust and memories. From the moment they met, their lives were intertwined. Even through the period of time where they were no longer friends, or when they were facing the awkward in-between, it all meant something. It meant that they would fight the good fight, and they would do it together. Because to Y/N, Steve was the song that the morning brings.

taglist: @mochminnie @queen1054 @prettysbliss @voidnarnia

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things x y/n

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aforrestofstuff · 4 years

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I'd like to know if you have any cooking skills headcanons!! Like, from who's able to make a absolute meal to who burns microwaved instant noodles.

I’ve done a few individual headcanons about cooking before, but I think it’s time for a refresher. You could call this... the main course.

Okay, enough of that bullshit. Here’s the hcs. Thanks for your ask, anon! ❤️❤️💞

Disclaimer: this shit is crack as fuck because I have very strong feelings about cooking lmfao. FOH don’t interact.

Tornado of Terror: She’d find a way to burn ice cream, honestly. She tries so hard (by god she tries) but her meals always come out as a convoluted mess with ingredients that have no reason being together. She eats her steaks well done and boils hamburgers. It’s a nightmare. She doesn’t really spend too much time in the kitchen, however, because she knows she sucks at cooking and because of this, makes 90% of her diet consist of takeout. But if she did spend more of her day cooking, she’d probably discover the recipe to meth accidentally. It’s that bad.

Silverfang: Stubborn old grandpa way of cooking. He’s got a handful of recipes that have been passed down for generations and he’s gonna carry those fuckers to his grave. When Garou was living at the dojo, the little bastard would try to make some changes to these recipes and Bang had to will every molecule in his arthritis-riddled body to not RKO this kid (not really, Bang wouldn’t hurt a fly). But I digress. He’s a decent cook, knows all the fundamentals and all of that shit.

Atomic Samurai: Can’t cook or bake for shit although he, of course, talks himself up like he can. The extent of his cooking knowledge is only within the realm of “shit you can roast over a campfire when your cheap ass can’t scrape together enough coin to pay the electricity bill”. But now that he’s got that S-Class paycheck and three other disciples to freeload off of, they pretty much cater to his every food-related need. He’s useless in the kitchen. Utterly fucking useless.

Child Emperor: Doesn’t know how to cook (little bastard ain’t even tall enough to reach the stove imo) but luckily he’s got that PHAT BRAIN so he can easily just build a Gordon Ramsey bot 3000 to replace his incompetence in the kitchen. His diet consists of Dino nuggets and microwaveable noodles so it’s not like he’s doing the world a great disservice by not learning how to cook properly.

Metal Knight: Same as Child Emperor except he’s a rich bastard and programs his bots to make that fancy shit with only the finest ingredients. He’s got enough cash from doing black market tech trades and building up his robo-army that this motherfucker could snort caviar for fun. He’s a real pompous asshole about it.

King: His mom taught him to cook a few things, nothing serious. He’s one of those dudes that doesn’t really know how to make much, but the few dishes that he does know how to cook are fucking BOMB. He’s got a cast iron skillet for making pancakes and everything, bitch is already halfway to being a chef himself. Other than that, however, he’s a ramen monster. His blood is practically pre-packaged bone broth.

Zombieman: I’ve said this in a previous hc but he’s a damn good cook. One problem though: he only knows how to make single servings of everything because he eats alone almost all the time. He specializes in meats. Bitch is a carnivore. He bought himself a set of those 500-dollar butcher knives so he can carve up cuts like a monster. He hemorrhages cash into fancy wood chips so he can get that smoky flavor juuuuust right. He’s got an Outdoor Chef setup on his patio. My mans is living the DREAM.

Drive Knight: He can eat but does he really need to? His cooking expertise is popping a new battery in. There you go.

Pig God: Oh my god if this man’s kitchen isn’t Michelin-Star quality. He eats a lot and he cooks a lot, it’s only natural. He’s got an indoor grill and pot chandelier and buys industrial-sized buckets of pickles and roast beef by the cow and— okay he just has a lot of food, alright? And he’s got that PHAT S-Class paycheck so my boy probably has a whole walk-in fridge just to put all the fucking food he eats. Bonus points if he hires a dishboy to work and a contractor to implement a three-sink dish station with “Clean-Rinse-Sanitize” stickers slapped on the steel, lol. But yeah, he cooks for 500 people at a time because he eats enough for 500 people at a time. Gotta maintain that figure, you know what I’m saying?

Superalloy Darkshine: He has. Oh my god— he has a full shelf dedicated to just. DOZENS OF JARS of whey protein. He has two blenders: one for fruit smoothies and one for protein shakes. His kitchen? Spotless. He knows how to cook and he eats like a bodybuilder (because he is one, duh) so he’s got that fridge STOCKED at all times. He cleans like he’s getting paid for it because nothing feels better than wiping down a gas stove until that bitch is spotless. However, his taste is garbage. He can throw down in the kitchen but does it taste good? No. Sometimes the ultra-healthy alternative to something isn’t always the greatest. He’s grown accustomed to putting zucchini in his cakes and almost damn well likes the texture of it, but don’t invite this guy to the potluck because he WILL show up with a vegetable nightmare that’s sure to make even vegans gag. Sorry bud, but nobody likes soy bacon.

Watchdog Man: furry ass.

Flashy Flash: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he’s pescatarian. He grew up on a coastal town before being sold of to the ninja village like a goddamned carpet and now fish is the only meat he eats. His cooking ability is about as good as one would expect from a homesless ninja. Like Atomic Samurai, he can throw it down over the campfire and still find a way to make a decent dish (in both presentation and taste) despite having limited knowledge and resources to work with. Bitch can whip up a five-star meal with some branches, a fish, and half a carrot like it was second nature. That’s about it though. He’s useless in an actual kitchen.

Genos: It’s canon. He’s a housewife. He only knows how to make the select few dishes that play an integral part in Saitama’s diet, though (because Genos can eat but he doesn’t really need to, so he only does it when he and Saitama are sharing a meal). Those dishes include things like: actual garbage. He cooks shit food. It’s not his fault. Saitama just eats like a fucking twat. There’s rats that live in the dumpster outside the restaurant I work in that have a better diet than him. Genos just works with what the poor bastard’s got and has gained a pretty mediocre grasp on cooking because of it. If he wanted to, though, he could easily be the best chef in all the land. Too bad he’s more focused on being an ultra-powerful speed demon.

Metal Bat: Tries his absolute best to cook healthy meals for him and Zenko when he almost always resorts to just popping a frozen pizza in the oven and calling it a day. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he eats his shit BURNT. Bitch like his steak well done, his yolks grey, and his chicken vaporized. The only exception to this is sushi because there really is no other way to enjoy it other than having it raw. Trust me, though. If there was a way to burn the fuck out of sashimi while still having it be sashimi, he’d find a way to do it and like it. But yeah, as I said: he sucks ass at cooking. He’s tried the tutorials, he’s bought the skillets, he’s sharpened the knives, but he just can’t fucking do it.

Tanktop Master: Same as Superalloy. They bond over gross-ass ultra-healthy recipes that only they enjoy. The Tanktop Gang loves him but they always kindly refuse to eat over at his house because they know he’s gonna try to make them ingest a broccoli loaf or some shit. He’s not too strict about his diet, though. He’ll chill out and have a pizza every once and a while, but only when he’s hanging out with the homies.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: He has a job in prison where he helps out in the kitchen for seventy-five cents an hour, but that’s about the extent of it. He’s got the bare basics down and could put together a decent meal for date night if he really tried (and had a damn kitchen to work with). On top of that, he can throw down some tasty prison food recipes, hand-crafted from the brick box itself. Ramen pad Thai, anyone?

Amai Mask: he’s rich as fuck, why does he need to cook? Bitch hired a chef and now all he does it drink skim milk and eat food from the top shelf. He couldn’t fry an egg if his life depended on it. Poor bastard doesn’t even know what a whisk is. And don’t even get me started on how much of a slob he is. The ten-minute process of making a single plate of spaghetti will have his kitchen in such a disgusting state that it’ll take him and a trusty Mister Clean Magic Eraser five hours just to clean it up. That is, if he even has the basic human decency to pick up after himself. He’ll probably just hire someone to do for him and then tip them a crisp 100-dollar bill for their troubles, only to make an even worse mess tomorrow.

Iaian: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but yes: he can cook. It’s nothing special. He’s got a suburban dad sense of cooking where he, like King, can only make a select few dishes but makes those dishes taste magical. He’s got 0 utensils and shit kitchen to work with (because Kami’s place is probably like, centuries old on account of him still being a Samurai), but boy can Iaian whip up a feast like no other despite all that. It’s all protein-packed flavor bombs that look simple in comparison to, say, Zombieman or Metal Knight’s food, but it still tastes good all the same. Kama eats off of his plate all the time and it used to annoy him but they’ve grown so close that they might as well share forks at this point.

Okamaitachi: Can’t really cook, but they are a baking god. I don’t know much about baking but I know they’ve got a cupboard dedicated to their plethora of sourdough starters. They buy yeast by the pound and make enough bread to feed entire armies some days. Whatever the gang doesn’t eat, they donate it to the local homeless shelter and make it a habit to go out of their way performing good deeds that don’t always involve sword fighting (something Kami insists he instilled into them via his teachings— which is bullshit. Kama is just naturally good-hearted and sweet).

Bushidrill: Can’t cook or bake for shit but like Atomic Samurai and Flash, can throw it down on the campfire. Don’t let this man near any turkeys or pigs because he will spitroast the fuck out of them.

Fubuki: Okay, not only is she a great cook but she’s as dogmatic as a coked-out head chef. She and the Blizzard Group sometimes cook together in her massive kitchen (she poured all of her measly paycheck into it because by god, if her apartment doesn’t have a kitchen fit for a chef then it’s not worth living in), and she’ll be barking orders like a damn crow. She’s got the two-grand knife set, cast-iron everything, bronze accents on the sink, and the ability to deglaze a pan without starting a fire. She’s a natural. If she cooks for you, then that’s how you know she likes you. All in all, her food tastes and looks great. She’s a bit low on funds on account of being only Class-B, so she sometimes takes little shortcuts when plating her dishes, like using celery leaves in place of parsley and all that jazz.

Saitama: I’ve already said that his diet is absolute shit and part of that is due to being poor, but I will show mercy and say that he’s a decent cook. He only makes what he knows he’s gonna like and doesn’t leave any room for experimentation unless his budget allows it (which isn’t often). His kitchen only has the bare essentials. Genos has offered to buy him more equipment and even renovate the damn thing for him but Saitama refuses each time because then he’d have a bigass kitchen just for making a poor man’s omurice, and that would be a waste. His talent, though? Making a perfect omelet. He can fold the egg like a sheet with no tears and no brown spots. It tastes heavenly.

Mumen Rider: Ultra-safe in the kitchen. He doesn’t even own a knife sharpener because he’s clumsy enough to know he’ll cut himself the moment he even tries to use it. His pot handles all have coverings and he’s watched all of the food safety and fire safety videos out there. He could give a goddamned seminar on it. Food-wise, he’s a decent home cook. Nothing special. He does, however, share Superalloy and Tanktop’s nasty habit of over healthy-ing everything to oblivion and making it a tasteless, vegetative mess. It doesn’t matter if you invite him to the potluck or not because he’ll bring a cauliflower pizza anyway and y’all better fucking enjoy it or he’ll start crying.

Sonic: The same as Flashy Flash, minus the pescatarianism. He’d butcher a pig without blinking an eye, and often uses his katana in cooking (even though it poses like, 87 different safety hazards and is most definitely health violation). He can forage quite well and has taken a liking to wild mushrooms and berries over the years. It’s gotten so natural to him that he now knows by heart the specific time of year in which the wild berries are ripest, and which species of salmon inhabit certain streams on any given day.

Garou: Would burn water. End of story. His cooking is so bad and dangerous that everyone thinks he’s an arsonist when he really just starts fires on accident. Don’t let this fucker near a stove, for the love of god.

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hadestownmodern · 4 years

Text

Whole Foods and Grilled Cheese

You got Eurydice and Persephone at Costco. Here is the prelude to that: Orpheus and Hades at Whole Foods. This was such a wild thing to write and I hope it brings someone a bit of a smile in these hard times. -A

The bustling of the grocery store was not a welcome sight to Orpheus who had not expected the action filled morning when he called his uncle the previous night.

“She’s been staying a lot..”

“Orpheus, I don’t want to know about your late night antics with that girl-”

“No no thats not- I’m not trying to talk about that!” Orpheus stuttered though he knew his blush was not evidence through the telephone. “She doesn’t eat well and she works so much- I wanted to try to make her some things.”

“Make her some things?”

“I want to learn to cook. Can you help me?”

“....” Silence, so Hades could hide the slight pride in his voice. “I’ll be there in the morning.”

The 8 a.m. knock on his apartment door, with his uncle demanding to get going for a ‘long day ahead’ had not been what he was anticipating when he rolled out of bed scrambling for pajama pants.

The morning was nothing short of exhausting. Hades dragging Orpheus through the busy streets to a high end department store and making a beeline for the kitchen department. A long lecture on different pots, pans, and cooking utensils ended with Hades buying ‘one of everything’ and having it promptly delivered to Orpheus apartment so they could continue on their day.

By afternoon, after Hades spent a small fortune to equip Orpheus with “the best of the best” for cooking, he would not relax on the ride to the local Whole Foods.

“Amma says you should buy from Farmer’s markets…” Orpheus had commented, between drinks of a free sample smoothie that was a rather unsettling shade of green.

Hades tried to hold back the sharp retort, biting his tongue and gesturing Orpheus forward in the store. “You can go to the farmers market once you have pantry staples, Orpheus. But you need a solid base. Spices, rice, pastas, flour.. Spices especially. Eventually you can make most of it yourself. You can make broth and pasta but for now, we’re starting easy. You need a solid start. A pasta dish, a chicken dish, some sort of eggs.. We’ll get to soup later. We’ll cover steak next week.”

“Next week?” Orpheus squeaks, eyes wide at the assortment of fruits and vegetables around him. His fingers lingered on star fruit a few extra moments before Hades deep voice pulled him out of his reverie.

“Yes, Next Week, do you want to impress the girl or not?” Hades is perusing a meat case, conversing with the butcher in words Orpheus cannot comprehend, taking brown paper wrapped packages and placing them in the cart. “We’ll start easy today. Scrambled eggs. Maybe a nice red sauce. Simple things…. What can you make now?”

“I can...heat up frozen chicken nuggets. And make grilled cheese! With tomato Soup!”

“Is the tomato soup from a can, Orpheus?” He isn’t even looking at him as he examines a dozen of eggs and places them in the shopping cart as well, before grabbing a few cheeses.

“...yes…”

“Then thats not cooking. What kind of cheese do you put on the grilled cheese?”

“The little slices that come wrapped one by one-”

“Thats not even real cheese. Okay. No red sauce today. Eggs. We do eggs.” He loops back to grab an extra dozen.

Hades directs Orpheus through each aisle, taking time to pause and teach Orpheus about all the possibilities. Different types of pasta for different sauces (Light sauce with spaghetti, bolognese with rigatoni), types of beans to use for different fillings, how different flours affected baked goods.

They were in the spice aisle, a deep discussion on the values of garlic salt versus garlic powder when Orpheus asked a new question.

“So you need garlic and onion powder, but can add your own salt. I really suggest you use real garlic and onion but on grilled cheese or eggs this is easier. I also think freshly cracked black pepper makes a difference-”

“When did you know you wanted to marry Persephone?” He asks, looking up from his notebook full of spice notes.

“...not after six days, Boy, back to the spice. Now bay leaves are quintessential to a good soup base..”

“I bought a ring!”

“And you should use real homemade broth, Persephone used those bouillon cubes as a nausea quick cure but- I’m sorry you did what?”

“I bought a ring! Yesterday. I love her so much, I just..I know she’s it for me. Amma always says you know and I know!” He has an innocence in his eyes that Hades doesn’t want to crush, but innocence too closely accompanies naivety.

“Orpheus. You met six days ago. You don’t marry a girl because she took your virginity!”

Orpheus’ face turned the color of the canned tomatoes in his hand, the poet losing his words. “No! I love her! I know I do! She makes the world have color and reason and I look at her and see the whole world. I just imagine waking up next to her and holding our babies and-”

“Six days. Six days ago. You met her six days ago, stop talking about babies and marriage and focus on, I don’t know, getting to no her as a person with clothes on?” He grabs a handful of jarred spices and pushed on through the store. “Two years, Orpheus. We were together two years before I even thought about it. Now come on, we need to start cooking.” He ended the conversation, gesturing Orpheus towards the checkout.

They stopped at his apartment to drop off and properly store the frozen ingredients, a lesson all in its own of proper pantry filling and food storage, before taking the car to Hades townhome, where Orpheus was already spending so much of his time.

“We’ll do Eggs and grilled cheese. Scrambled eggs, you can’t do an omlette yet.” Hades decided as he keys into the front door, grabbing the mail on his way in.

“Is seph home? Is she gonna try it-”

“Of course. You don’t have to impress her though. Even if it tasted like garbage, that woman would never hurt your feelings. It’s Junie you need to impress-”

“..Junie?”

Just then Hades pushes the door open, and within seconds tiny yet quick footsteps were audible, getting closer by the second.

Junie, in her little purple tutu, ringlet curls bouncing as she ran, flew into her father’s legs with her arms in the air. “Daddy! I miss-ed-ed you!”

He chuckles lowly, scooping her onto his hip and kissing her cheek as the toddler wrapped her arms around his neck. “Hey, Princess. Where’s your mother?”

“If she’s the princess, does that make me the queen?” Persephone appears, long curls falling loose around her face. She somehow looks put together even in a sweatshirt far too big for her and flannel pajama shorts left over from last years christmas. “How was your shopping trip?”

He kisses his wife, tugging her closer by the fabric of her shirt. “You were the queen long before she was the princess. And it was eventful. He uses prepackaged cheese.”

“Well, I ate cups of ramen noodles and you loved me anyway.” Persephone winks, holding a hand out to Orpheus. “I hope he didn’t scare you, it’s sweet, that you’re learning to do this.”

“Well I want to be with her forev-”

He is interrupted by Hades voice, as he bounces Junie once “Hey Junie, why don’t we go set up to cook. Come, Orpheus.”

“Yeah, come on Ophie!” Junie gestures for him to follow, as her father carries her to the kitchen. He sits her on the chair at the island, before Persephone sits beside her and pulls her into her lap.

“Why’s Ophie cookin’ daddy?” She asks, kicking her little legs before pressing her back into her mother’s chest, snuggling into her.

“Because he’s trying to impress a girl, Junie.” Hades says off handedly, placing a loaf of bread on the table top. “Remember, Junie, if a man can’t cook, he isn’t good enough for you.”

“Noone’s good ‘nuff for me, Daddy.”

“Thats right, baby. Thats right.”

“Are you tryna impress Princess Rydice, Ophie?” The little girl asks, craning her head to look at him, standing in the doorway looking suddenly horrified.

“Oh, Yes I am Junie, I love her so much and I want to make her happy!” He has a dreamy look in his eyes, looking off in admiration.

“Are you gonna marry her?” Junie inquires, cocking her head.

“I want to, so badly!”

“Now Orpheus, we talked about this-” Hades grumbled before his wife cuts him off.

“What are you making us tonight, my little culinary masters.” Persephone teases, resting her chin on Junie’s head. “I’m in the mood for glazed salmon with-”

“Eggs. We are making eggs. And grilled Cheese.” Hades shoots her a look, signifying that even this may result in ordering takeout late in the evening. He grabs butter and an assortment of cheeses, a carton of eggs, and some other small ingredients.

“Thats not a real meal, daddy. Wheres the veggie?” Junie questions, resting her little face on her hand.

“Orpheus has to learn not to burn his house down before we can teach him to blanch veggies, baby.” Hades shakes his head, but hands Junie a handful of grated cheese to munch on in the cooking process.

Orpheus looks stunned as an egg is placed in his hand, and a small glass bowl is given to him. “Do i just..”

“Crack the egg Orpheus.”

Orpheus slams the egg into the bowl, shell going everywhere in both the yolk and on the counter top. “Oh..”

“Try again.”

They do this half a dozen times before Orpheus can confidently crack an egg, and learns whisking skills with a fork. He learns to add milk and butter, salt and pepper. He burns the first try, and under cooks the second. The third try is plated, and slid across the island to Junie and her mother.

Persephone gives Junie a bite before taking one herself. Persephone, either being overly kind or with overly low standards, gives orpheus a thumbs up.

Junie, however, stares at the pale eggs and shakes her head. “Ophie you aren’t impressin’ any-body with this. You need salt.”

“Juniper! Be nice!” Persephone lectured, but hid her face in her corkscrew curls to laugh to herself.

“I just telling the truth! It’s bland!” Junie defends, looking to her dad.

“She’s not wrong..Just use a little more salt and you’ll be golden Orpheus. Eat your eggs then we’ll try the grilled cheese.”

The grilled cheese does not go any better.

“For the love of god Orpheus, you put the buttered side on the pan, and the cheese on the inside!”

“He’s hopeless, Daddy.” Junie pokes in, eating the still uncooked cheese set out on the island. “ Rydice will marry you anyway Ophie, it’s okay if you can’t cook! Mama can’t cook either!”

“I made you, thats close enough to cooking.” Persephone teased, poking Junie’s stomach and making her erupt into brilliant giggles.

Orpheus is distracted by the sound, suddenly drawn to a future where it is a dark haired little girl laughing in the arms of Eurydice as he cooks a meal for his own family. He is so distracted by the thought of Eurydice’s dark eyes on a child that he doesn’t hear Hades in the background.

“Orpheus...Orpheus...ORPHEUS you are BURNING the toast.” He takes the spatula out of Orpheus’ hand and tosses the offending blackened sandwich away.

“I’m sorry i’m usually not this bad...I don’t burn my own grilled cheese.”

“Because you use fake cheese. Now remember. Butter bread. Butter side down. Gruyere. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Bread Butter side up.”

Orpheus follows the instructions, and this time, successfully develops a golden crust on the bread, with cheese oozing out just right.

He cuts the sandwich in half and presents it to his niece/pseudo sister with pride. “Here you go Junie B.”

Junie eyes him carefully, examining all of the sandwich. “Pretty color..smells good…” She takes an apprehensive bite, then another. “It’s good, Ophie...but..”

“Whats wrong, Junie?” Hades muses, leaning down to her eye level.

“If you were on chopped, you’d be chopped. But thats okay. My Daddy’s just better than you.”

#orpheus can't cook eggs but he can fertilize them #orpheus #hades #Junie tag #persephone #modern au #hadestown modern au #hadestown #hadestown au

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kiwiradiostation · 4 years

Text

the reasons salmonella is bad and how I love you guys so much I dont want you guys to die

Note: I cant believe I'm doing this stupid thing but here I am

"salmonella is a common bacterial disease that affects your intestinal tract. Salmonella bacteria typically lives in animal and human intestines and are shed through feces (shit). Humans become infected most through contaminated water or food." - Mayo clinic

I swear to god If you bitches make this whole post a meme I'm going to cry

The symptoms of Salmonella include:

Diarrhea

Chills

Fever

Abdominal pain

You might experience pain in the abdomen or muscles. You might feel chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, stomachaches, vomiting, or loss of appetite. You might get Diarrhea or blood in the stool. Another common thing you might get is a headache.

To get rid of this dumb thing you bitches might get bc you did something so stupid is usually by fluids, and it usually recovers you in less than a week. Severe infections may require medical care including IV fluids and sometimes anti-biotics

You can find salmonella by ingesting this dumb thing through your mouth. Its found in undercooked meat, raw things, beef, chicken, eggs, fruits, pork, sprouts, vegetables, and processed food (nut butters, frozen pot pies, chicken nuggets, and stuffed chicken entrees)

You literally cant tell if the food you're eating has salmonella, but you can tell you have it bc of the symptoms.

Showing signs of salmonella can take up from 6 hours to 6 days.

-----

Reasons I love you guys so much and reasons to not die

You guys brought me into different things I enjoy, a d I thank you for that

You guys brought out my boredom

I have so many friends that I enjoy,

You guys introduced me to so many people that I'm most likely now friends with

You guys are so fucking dumb and funny

You guys helped me through my shitty vents and problems

You guys helped me become a better artist, and person in general

Yes

Just

Ily guys so much I cant fucking express it

The reasons to not die will be above this post (if I can find it lol)

-----

Because of you dumb bitches I wrote this and now im going to go cry more see ya later

:'D

#fuck you guys #i hope i didnt offend you bit if i did im so fucking sorry-#im going to go cry no w

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apex-academy · 4 years

Text

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#9)

I vegetate until dinnertime, then throw some frozen something in the microwave. Grab some water, utensils, step back out into the cafeteria. I wonder for a minute how multiple people could have gotten their meals without me noticing, but then again I didn’t really pay attention to this room earlier. Everyone was probably already here.

Tsunyasha shoots me a sidelong look, and Kaichi waves, but it’s no competition for the wave coming from the next table down.

“Miss Kogamino!! You can sit here if you’d like!”

“...”

Is he gonna be this noisy the whole time?

...It’s Aidan. Of course he is.

If it is him. That shouldn’t be possible. But what else could be going on here? He seems like himself. Not exactly hard evidence. But is that something you could even test?

He shifts in his seat, the wheelchair giving the slightest creak.

“You certainly don’t have to, of course. I’m not going to threaten physical harm or anything.”

“What?”

“Oh, you know, just... Never mind.”

Oh. The whole “shot and killed a person” thing. Right. You know, for someone who’s either a resurrected murderer or some imposter sent by the mastermind...

I just can’t feel threatened right now. Not by this little... ragdoll stick figure of a guy.

I shake my head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve just... been out of sorts.”

“Understandable.”

Since he’s stuck at the end of the table, I can’t really sit next to or across from him anyway, so I take a seat a little ways down. I’m sure I’ll be able to hear him just fine.

I don’t have the initiative to start any conversations, but that hardly means we won’t have one. At least I get a few chicken nuggets down before he goes for it.

“You know what the strangest part of this is?”

I swig some water.

“That you’re alive?”

“Well. Strictly speaking, that would pretty much have to be the actual strangest thing, yes.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Oh, just...”

“My vision still hasn’t gone back to normal.”

“But you’re still wearing glasses?”

“Empty frames. I tried going without them, but I kept trying to push my glasses up my nose whether they were actually there or not, so I figured I might as well keep some on. I keep a decent number of spare frames handy, so.”

Of course you do.

“...Is that why you were squinting so much when you woke up?”

“Most of it, yes.”

“This is all more than a little disorienting as well, but. Hopefully I’m caught up now.”

“...”

Another brief but awkward gap. He idly swishes his spoon through his bowl of something-or-other soup.

“But you did die, didn’t you?”

“To the best of my knowledge!”

“I don’t think I was actually on an airplane, but the crash was certainly real. I’m glad I didn’t have my dominant hand on the controls at the time, or it'd probably be in pieces, too.”

Ouch. But...

“You don’t think it was a real plane?” Guess he’d be the expert on that. Still kind of odd.

“Correct. Even in water, a real crash at that speed should have caused complete disarticulation. Which, I’ve obviously started to recover from significant damage, but none of it indicates that, per se.”

“Not to mention the kind of distance I would have to be transported before I’d be in any airspace that wouldn’t immediately draw attention.”

“There was a time gap between me stepping through that door and waking up, but the feed picked up near-immediately, yes?”

“I... think so.” Those aren’t details I’m trying to hang on to.

Makes sense, though. Even if there was enough time for whatever to take off, planes have been flying over the academy, right? So somebody’s got to be watching the skies here.

Shame we haven’t been able to signal them.

“With immediate medical attention, possibly I could have survived that, but... I’m doubtful that’s the case, the motive being as it was.”

“...”

“The fourth motive, I mean. Since the victims were included as options, and they certainly hadn’t received any timely medical intervention.”

“Especially not Miss Tanukihara.”

“.......”

With that, he manages to fall silent for a while. Can’t say I have an appetite, but I try to keep eating. My meal isn’t the peak of nutrition, but it’s something. And something is about all I can hope for today.

After a while, Aidan looks up again.

“May I ask where we stand?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just, you know...”

“Are we friends, or enemies, or some variation thereof?”

“Apparently at least two of you prefer me alive, so that’s good!”

“But I can’t rightly expect that from everyone. Not after what I did, especially when we’re still in the killing game.”

“So... I’d just like to know. I promise a negative answer won’t hurt my feelings if you’re, er, concerned about that.”

Just in case I suddenly care about people’s feelings, huh? Drag me through the freaking mud, why don’t you.

“.....................” Mm. As much as I try to mull it over, all I get is...

“I don’t know.”

“...”

“Honestly, I’m aware of about 5% of my feelings in general at this point.”

“It’s... been rough.”

“...Of course.”

He waves it off.

“You don’t have to come up with anything on the spot.”

I nod.

“May I at least ask if you voted for me?”

“..........”

“Or not! Either way’s fine. I was just curious. Nothing I’d hold against you in either case, nor could I verify it if I wanted to, anyway.”

“...Right.”

He shifts to sit up straighter.

“So! Was there anything you wanted to talk about?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

We fall silent for more eating. At least I do. I’m not sure that he’s taken a bite since we started. Wonder if the soup’s not any good. Guess it wasn’t from Yuki, then.

Ah. I didn’t even think about showing up for lessons today.

I don’t see why we’d have any. All we’d be able to think about is the student who isn’t there today. Won’t ever be there again.

Though I guess if the dead are rising, I can expect anything I want. Would it help? To hope she could come back? Don’t know. Don’t think I’m mustering up much hope for anything anytime soon.

It still doesn’t make sense, anyway. Is this really Aidan? He did say he had a brother, or this could be some kind of advanced robot... How am I supposed to test that? Dump the rest of my water on him and see if he explodes? Doubt it’d be that easy.

...And if Monochap is the closest to human they can get, that’s nothing I need to be worried about.

Could his brother do such a good impression of him, though? Or could someone else? I’m not sure there’s much of a way to prove it.

Prove identity... Hmm.

Itsurou never had a file for Aidan, but there are plenty of places his fingerprints could still be from before, right? I could look into that.

“...”

“Miss Kogamino?”

“Hmm?” Hope that’s the first time he’s tried to get my attention.

“I can’t ask you to feel any which way, I'm well aware.”

“Just know that nothing has changed, all right?”

“...”

“Er, I don’t mean to say nothing has changed in general, of course. Just with me.”

“I can’t expect everyone to forgive me for killing Miss Tanukihara. It’s completely reasonable not to.”

He takes a deep breath.

“But regardless of what happened and what people may think about it, my motivations have not changed. I will find a way to get you out of here safely.”

“Even if there are fewer to save now...”

“I will not give up!”

“...”

Hah. Wonder what it’s like to still feel like that. Seems like it’s been a real long time for me now.

“So however you end up feeling about me, I hope you can at least believe that.”

“...”

I’m not sure what to say, but I nod.

“Thanks.”

And that’s enough of that. Let’s just eat.

[BACK] [NEXT]

#apexplot #apex5 #fangan

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