#yes im reg in this situation

[adharastarlight]

James: *wrapping his arms around Regulus* its freezing; you'll get a cold if you stay out here, sweetheart

Reg: colds are viral illnesses. You're thinking of a chill

James: why do I love you again?

Reg: I stop you being such an idiot, mon amour

James: ah, must be it. Come on in, before you get a chill

[calamitoustide]

im listening to champagne problems and like whenever i've seen people talk about it with jeg they've said it's reg who turns down james' proposal but now im thinking about it being james

because reg well he makes sense and even james can rationalize it. reg got cold feet and he's not the best at commitment. he just freaked himself out and he'll come around he'll go and say yes, but james? that's a whole other thing

if james proposes to reg it would be in private because he knows that about reg and he knows reg would want to be able to answer with just the two of them so he wouldn't be forced to make it into a big deal if he did say no, but reg well reg would think james would want to do it in front of everyone he loves right? james loves big gestures he would want sirius, remus, peter, his parents, hell everyone. he'd want them all there so reg would invite them. he'd invite them all for this big surprise he's throwing him. sirius would bring dom perignon and effie would give her ring for regulus to use. it would be all set it would perfect and they'd all be standing there when regulus got down on one knee

and then he goes down and he has this whole speech prepared and james. says. no.

and no one knows what to do because if it were reg sirius would run after him and he'd know what to say but no one knows what to say when it's james. and he couldn't even give a reason he can't give anything. everyone goes and asks him and he doesn't know why he said no. he can't say yes. it goes even further if it's a james who's had mental health issues, "this dorm was once a madhouse," and he said, "well it's made for me." everyone from hogwarts looked at him and laughed saying, "he's fucked in the head." and no one else knows what to say.

and he doesn't even think his problems are valid he doesn't think his issues need to be talked about so he doesn't talk about them. he allows them to just be "champagne problems," and he tells reg to go find someone else who will love and adore him and be the right person for him because that can't be james. not when he doesn't know what's wrong him.

and they're friend group had gotten merged over the years. everyone was friends with everyone and now it's james fault that it's all messed up he'd try to take himself out of the situation but it wouldn't work they'd be divided again which just makes it worse for him

no one knows what to say and james doesn't know what to do so it's just awful and tragic there's no other way to put it really

[soaringthroughthegalaxy]

Wash Away the Pain #4 - Wrecker

Following the devastating loss of Tech, Wrecker can’t help but feel like it’s his fault. If only he’d been stronger. Thankfully, you’re there to remind him that strength isn't just about physical power.

Pairing: Wrecker x gn!reader

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: whump, guilt, angst, reassurance, grief and mourning, discussion around Tech's sacrifice *sobs*, hopeful ending.

A/N: I was heavily inspired by these gorgeous drawings by @thattoothpick.

This is part of a mini-series where each of our boys will get their angsty shower time.

Each can be read as a standalone or as a continuation. Check out the others in the series: Echo, Hunter, Tech, and Crosshair.

Sign up to be tagged in my future fics.

Wrecker’s hands tremble as he turns on the shower. The water sputters into life, falling onto his head, rolling down his body, mixing with the tears he doesn’t bother trying to stop.

Cid had betrayed them.

The Empire had Omega.

Tech was gone.

He hadn’t been strong enough.

The thought spirals through his mind, threatening to crush him under its weight.

A hand on his back startles him, but he doesn’t need to turn to know who it belongs to. Over the years, your touch had become as familiar to him as how to diffuse or detonate a bomb. He leans forward, forehead resting against the cool shower tiles in your shared home on Pabu – all of you under one roof. After suffering such losses, you’d all retreated here – to grieve, search, and plan.

Water sluices down his broad back, chasing away the lingering grime, neck brace removed as the bacta shots work their magic. “It’s my fault he’s gone.” Wrecker murmurs, eyes closing.

You step closer to Wrecker, your hand continuing to offer a comforting presence on his back. You’d been with them throughout the war and now beyond it. What had started as you being their nat-born medic, thanks to their inability to get along with regs, had grown into friendship. 

You’d never seen Wrecker so upset before. Yes, he’d cried before – either at sad films or the one time he’d accidentally hurt you after you’d administered a shot – but usually, he was the happiest of your boys, the one cracking jokes and making everyone smile.

The running water fills the silence between you two, the rhythmic beating echoing the heavy thoughts that occupy both of your minds. Your clothes are soaked, but you don’t care, and Wrecker’s nudity doesn’t bother you either – after so long, you were desensitised to seeing the boys in varying states of undress. “No, Wreck, it’s not your fault.” You say softly, the warmth in your voice cutting through the cold atmosphere of despair. “We all knew the risks. Tech knew them, too. We can’t blame ourselves for what happened. He made the decision so we could all get away safely.”

You’re barely holding yourself together, heart hurting beyond measure at losing him and then having Omega snatched from right under your nose, but you can’t let those feelings out yet. Your boys need you.

Wrecker doesn’t respond immediately, but his body tenses. His guilt is palpable, a heavy burden that threatens to drown him even in the cleansing flow of the shower. You move your hand up to his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. “He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself.” You continue. “Tech was smart. He knew the risks and believed in what we were fighting for. You can’t carry this weight alone.”

Wrecker’s shoulders slump, and he lets out a heavy sigh. The water droplets catch the dim light in the small bathroom, glistening on his skin. The loss of Tech is a wound that cuts deep into the heart of your found family, and the pain is shared among all of you. “Should’ve been stronger. Should’ve kept hold of that railcar for longer. Argued with ’im to climb back up.”

You shake your head, even though he can’t see it. “Wreck, you did everything you could. We were outnumbered, and the situation was impossible. Blaming yourself won’t bring Tech back, and it won’t help Omega. And I know he wouldn’t want us to dwell on this; he’d want us to focus on finding her and Crosshair.”

Wrecker turns around, facing you, his eyes filled with sorrow and anger. “But he’s gone ’cause of me. ’Cause I wasn’t strong enough.”

You gently cup his face, forcing him to meet your gaze. “No, Wrecker. You were strong. You are strong. The Empire took advantage of our vulnerability, but that doesn’t make it your fault.”

“But I wasn’t strong enough.” Wrecker protests, a rare flick of anger in his eyes directed at himself – never at you.

You brush your thumb across Wrecker’s cheek, wiping away a stray tear. “Losing Tech wasn’t because you weren’t strong enough. It’s because the Empire is ruthless. Strength isn’t just about physical power, Wreck. You have a strength that goes beyond that. You care deeply for your brothers, and you’ve shown incredible resilience in the face of adversity.”

Wrecker looks down, his fists clenching and unclenching, catching the sight of Tech’s broken goggles around your neck. You’d slipped them on after escaping Ord Mantell, vowing that they would stay there for the rest of time. “I miss ’im,” Wrecker whispers.

The words cut through you like a knife, and you can’t suppress the distressed noise that leaves you. You pull Wrecker into a tight embrace, letting the water from the shower cascade over both of you. The shared grief is a heavy burden, but you find solace in each other’s presence in that moment. “We all miss him, Wrecker.” You say, voice barely above a whisper. “But we can’t let that grief consume us. We must honour Tech’s memory by continuing the fight, finding Omega and Crosshair and bringing them home.”

Wrecker nods, his strong arms wrapping around you in return.

Your hands gently rub his back. “We’ll find Omega and Cross and bring them back here. We owe it to Tech to keep going, to make sure his sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

Wrecker holds onto you as if he could anchor himself in the storm of emotions. “It’s not your fault.” You reiterate. The words hang in the air, a mantra you repeat softly as if hoping they’ll seep into Wrecker’s heart and ease his burden.

As you stand there, embraced by the warmth of the water and each other, you can feel a subtle shift in Wrecker’s demeanour. His grip on you tightens, not out of desperation, but as a silent acknowledgement of the shared resolve to persevere.

“We’ll get ’em back,” Wrecker says, his voice determined. “And when we do, we’re gonna make the Empire pay for what they’ve done.”

You nod in agreement, your resolve firm. “We will, Wreck. The fight isn’t over, not as long as we’re still breathing.”

The water from the shower begins to lose its scalding heat, but neither of you moves. The physical warmth is nothing compared to the emotional support you provide for each other. After a while, Wrecker finally loosens his grip, and you step back, looking at each other with a shared understanding. The grief is still lingering like a shadow, but it’s tempered by the determination to press on.

“We should join Hunter and Echo.” You suggest, reaching for a nearby towel. “We need to regroup and plan our next move.”

Wrecker nods, and you both dry off and get dressed. You glance at Tech’s broken goggles around your neck in the fresher mirror. The weight of the memories associated with them is both a comfort and a painful reminder.

Together, you exit the fresher, ready to face the challenges ahead. Hunter and Echo are in the living room, reviewing data they’ve gathered from Rex’s network, their expressions a mix of sadness and determination.

You share a look with Wrecker. Your family might be battered and mourning, but they are far from defeated. You’ll find Omega and Crosshair, bring them home, and find sanctuary here on Pabu, away from the tyranny of the Empire.

Tag list: @clonethirstingisreal @littlemissmanga @starrylothcat @cw80831 @dreamie411 @issa-me-bry-blog

[f0point5]

Toto is in a pretty hard situation. Next year is way to early for Kimi to go to merc. He is fast and talented that is not a question but he is young and he makes mistakes. And thats fine. Thats what feeder series are for, to develop drivers. But he is not given enough time. Making mistakes in f2 is one thing, making them in merc very different. The social media reception after he finished p14 in his first race were quite brutal. That would be way worse in an f1 team. The drivers are also using social media, Im sure he saw the people making fun of him. That cant be helpful long term.

Toto finally noticed that overhypeing an 18yrs old before his f2 debut wasnt really a good idea.

Announcing him while he is p9 in the f2 championship would be a pretty wild move…

https://www.fiaformula2.com/Latest/5oAWBWT5LJNkTvQFdlQBw5/antonelli-on-his-fast-start-to-f2-working-with-oliver-bearman-and-his-title

All he is talking about in this interview is how much he is learning. Which is good. But putting him on f1 testing while he is still learning f2 is an interesting choise. Its great that he is getting testing opportunities but they are really rushing him. And sure it worked out with max but he was one in a million.

Yes Toto doesnt want to lose an other Max level driver, but he could easily be the one to destroy Kimis carrier by rushing him so much.

Sorry rereading this ask I realised that its quite a mess🫣

Tbh, I half agree on Kimi but i think Toto is the biggest problem facing kimi.

While yes, Kimi is p9 in the championship, he is beating his teammate. Yes Ollie missed Saudi so you could argue he could have won or whatever but realistically, there hasn’t been a chasm between their results that would suggest Ollie would be ahead. Kimi is learning very fast for someone who didn’t have the experience of being in f3 at all. I don’t think it’s that crazy to consider giving him a seat.

BUT. Is Toto the TP he needs as a young driver with next to no experience? In my opinion, no. Apart from the fact that Toto doesn’t develop drivers, and is used to dropping them off at the Williams day care and picking them up when they’re ready, or just picking an already finished driver off the market, Toto makes no allowances for the antics that young drivers come with. Even in 2016 he made no allowances for Max, who wasn’t even HIS driver, to be “getting in the way”. He doesn’t like his drivers complaining or inventing. He doesn’t seem like a team principal who would have the understanding that yeah, a kid is going to end up in a first lap incident sometimes, he is going to fuck up qualifying. He is going to impede someone, and you are going to have to go to the stewards with him and fight for him, and not hang him out to dry when he does something a bit unorthodox. And I don’t think Toto is that guy.

Max was one in a million but he didn’t get there in his own, he had a Christian, Helmut, GP, and Jos, but largely Christian in a professional sense, fighting for him, letting him make his mistakes, and swallowing those fuck ups as part of the cost of putting a kid in a car. I don’t think Max would be the driver he is if he’d gone through Williams and Merc, I think he would have been encouraged to be more conservative and ultimately not developed in the same way. You would rather go over the limit and then come back, than never reach the limit.

I don’t see Kimi reaching his potential if he is under Toto from the beginning. And for that reason I don’t see Merc in 2025 being the best idea for him.

That being said, if Merc weren’t who Merc are, taking 2025 as basically live testing for him before the new regs come in is not a bad idea. If watching F2 this year has taught me one thing, it’s that those races will not adequately prepare you for driving in F1 in terms of speed, strategy, awareness, or a long calendar. A burner year to experience that where no one is expecting much from you in a midfield car is the best gift that could be given to Kimi. But coming from Merc, I don’t know how it will go for him.

As for the social media aspect, all you can hope is that Kimi has a good team around him and that he is consuming as little of it as possible. The way he always focuses on the learning says he is taking the right approach to it so far, but only time will tell. I do think there is a twisted positive in the amount of eyes on him, because most of these guys have no clue the amount of scrutiny they will get once they get to f1 and it’s a baptism of fire. As harsh as it sounds, Kimi being eased into it might not be the worst thing. Especially considering he is already associated with such a high profile team.

[annanother-thing]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

@starquestingfordrarry ahhh thank you for tagging me, these are such good questions!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41 +1 unrevealed +6 that ive hidden

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

238,631

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only harry potter atm but i have written other fandoms before and i am psyching myself up to write some pjo/hoo next year

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Best Kept - drarry, secret relationship, EWE, E, 7k

How Does Your Garden Grow - wolfstar, modern au, T, 1.6k (this was the first hp fic i ever wrote back in 2016!)

Sparks - drarry, soulmates au, secret relationship, E, 20k

White in the Darkness - wolfstar, established relationship, possessive!remus, E, 7k

Maybe Love Could Be A Verb - wolfstar, getting together, idiots to lovers, E, 16k (my first fic coming back to fandom last year!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not as much as i should... i hate replying to comments when my work is still anon and i swear this year all ive done is anon fests and then i forget to reply when reveals happen and then my inbox gets super full and i get overwhelmed...

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oooh probably Invisible, Inescapable - ghost!reg, house magic, 16k, M - or Non-Existent Hearts Still Bleed - mostly canon compliant Pansy character study, 8k, M

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhh most of them? i dont tend to write sad things

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not so far!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. all of it. mostly queer but i have done some m/f but mostly in triads and that one tomione dead dove. currently in the middle of kinktober so smut is on the brain

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

no theyve never been my vibe

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! well, someone asked, idk if they actually did it. it was my pansromione choir fic from pride fest

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the day i co-wrote one with my then-best friend - i think it was the first fic i ever uploaded...

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

nope. impossible question. my ogs are wolfstar and drarry, but i also adore pansmione/pansromione, fleurinny, ginsy, jegulus, jegulily... so many ships so little time...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i tried to do nano with original fiction several times and none of them really stuck, which im sad about because some of the ideas were banging - lesbian vampires through time, anyone?

16. What are your writing strengths?

ok this is the hardest question by far...

i think i am quite good at the introspection, and characters having to think through their situations, figure out how they actually feel. i blame all the therapy...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

confidence and run on sentences. i was editing a fic yesterday and found a sentence that was nearly half a page...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i dont mind it, but i think it has to fit the story. but one of my pet peeves is when people but dialogue in another language and then put the translation in the chapter notes - i have a goldfish brain and by the time i get to the end of the chapter i have forgotten what the dialogue was about

19. First fandom you wrote for?

kingsman back in like 2014/5

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

dont make me choose between my babies! maybe the one that i cant talk about yet (i feel its the most up to date representation of my writing at the moment), maybe my wolfstar witcher!au (longest uploaded fic, and i really struggled to finish it but im so proud of myself for getting there), maybe my soulmate fest one (i was so not happy with it but everyone seemed to like it and it reminds me that i am my own worst critic)

Tagging: @gloivy @uncannycerulean @silently--here @tracingpatternswrites <3

[multiplicity-positivity]

is there any way i can get someone in my system to help me ?

i have a slightly dangerous thing i do and i need help (tho im looking into fixing it myself i hope my sys can help me too..)

can i like. get someone to take up a system role ? or switch roles? despite my system most likely being created to protect me we suckkkk at that :/ i just mostly need someone to stop me from doing anything dangerous but our main protector only fronts during abuse or situations that remind us of it ,, and i forgot if we have anyone else like him

(yes, i am working on it, dont worry. im trying to help myself. )

hey. it sounds like you’re in a pretty rough situation - we’re sorry you’re going through this!

in general, we think it’s a bad idea to ask or expect your headmates to do things for you that they may not want to do or be able to do, for that matter. still, we know that having support from other members within a system can be immensely beneficial.

have you tried communicating with your headmates about this activity, your concerns, and how they may be willing to help put a stop to it while detailing what actions you currently are taking to change? ultimately it will be your responsibility to commit to positive change, but having a headmate who supports your efforts can make a world of difference. be ready to respect their choices though, and understand if they’re unwilling or unable to help you with this! they may have their own problems to deal with, be physically incapable of intervening, or have some other reason for not helping you commit to changing your actions.

it also may be a good idea for you to seek some outside help from a loved one, therapist, or close friend. they may be willing to let you reach out to them when you feel like doing something dangerous, to help distract you and give you a chance to calm down. we think something like this could be even more beneficial than relying on a headmate inside to keep you from doing dangerous things.

if you tend to act dangerously when feeling overwhelmed… we’ve found that dialectical behavioral therapy skills are incredibly useful for learning how to effectively manage overwhelming emotions. you can get the dbt workbook we use for like $15 usd on amazon:

and here’s a post we made discussing the dbt skill, rest (an acronym for relax, evaluate, set an intention, and take action) which really helps us when we’re feeling overwhelmed:

other than this, though, i’m afraid there’s not much else we can offer besides wishing you the best of luck with this.

we know you said you’re working on it and trying to help yourself. we also know committing to positive change can be ridiculously difficult and exhausting. sometimes it may seem hopeless... but please remember that there’s always hope! we believe in you, and we know that with the right tools and enough support you can do what it takes to help yourself change for the better! you got this!!

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

[avesgraveyard]

hey hi sorry i just came on here to rant for a moment about your road trip au.

so i was rereading my favorite chapters cause ive been haing a bit of a DAY (chapter 3,4, and 6, by the way, i have quotes written in my ACTUAL JOURNAL from them). and ive come on here to make two things known.

first of all, the mix between humour and plot and pining and FUCKING HEARTBREAK is done soooo soooo well. i mean, how are 'James glances down quickly, not even having the decency to look embarrassed. “These? They’re my Jar Jar underwear. Evan got them for me. Are we really not going to have sex?”' and 'Evan scoffs dismissively, eyes rimmed with red, and Regulus feels like everything between his ribs is being ripped out.' be in the SAME FUCKING CHAPTER. HOW. and youve encapsulate each character so well, you've given them layers and plot and FEELINGS AND SHIT AND ITS SO COOL.

but also on a more serious not i feel like we need to talk about evan and chapter 6. what the fuck. what the fuck. the way his ed started because he wanted to look like reg so he was 'enough' for the man who he loved but wasnt in love with him. that is so fucking devastating but so real? everything about the chapter was so real and so twisted but at the same time like just waht the fic needed. and the fact that reg knew about the ed but doesnt know the reason is so upsetting too shit.

anyway i have a few questions for future chapters if you dont mind.

will regulus ever find out the reason behind evans ed?

mattheo from chapter 3 (dorcas' hot model canadian friend) will he show up and cause some drama?

whose pov is the next chapter?

how many chapters b4 the dorcas chapter?

sorry i dont mean to be a bitch but WHEN IS EVAN/ BARTY GONNA KISS HIM?? WHEN?? (im eating this shit up dw but ya girls gotta know)

weve had evan/barty/reg povs and we know we're getting a dorcas pov but are we gonna get james/marlene/pandora?

i adore your fic, its my favortie rosekiller story ever ever ever and i cant wait for the next chapter. thank you for writing this masterpiece have a good day:)))))))

hey sweetheart, first of all wow, thank you, I'm so glad that you enjoy the fic!!!

IM SO HAPPY WITH THE HUMOUR/PINING/HEARTBREAK thing, cause I'm always so worried about making it too happy/sad so i try to mix it up a bit, so thank you!!

evans character is SO personal to me, he is just. writing him i couldn't stop, the words just kept going and i was like shit dude. well. that's truly upsetting, but the amount of people who told me afterwards how much the character and the situation meant to them made me fuckin SOB.

and the questions!

im so on the fence about this i will have to get back to you

yes he WILL, tysm for asking, he most definitely is making an entrance.

the chapter I'm CURRENTLY writing (8) is what i assume you mean, and it is split barty first and then evan.

babe idek i thought it was 1 last chapter and now there's another so maybe next next chapter (9) and if not then definitely the one after that.

HAHAHAH I HAVE NO IDEA!!! its gonna happen (they get close this chapter!!)

ummm we will defo be getting a pandora chapter at one point but that'll probably be a little ways away, and james. boy do i have a chapter for james. marlene may not get one but she will be featuring heavily in the james/dorcas/next (8) chapter.

thank you thank you for this ask is means the world

[itsjaywalkers]

my favorite part of making ghosts is actually sirius and regulus screaming matches, they’re so fun to read idk how people are able to pick sides especially in context that reg doesn’t want to hurt sirius intentionally. he’s very much protective of him, even if he doesn’t realize that. well it’s different for sirius…..he clearly wants to hurt reg tho in my understanding he’s having hard time processing his feelings and he’s forced to deal with his emotional baggage, his childhood and part of his past that he thought he buried long time ago AND his platonic soulmate is trying to bang his annoying little brother, right before his eyes. man if i was sirius in this situation, id set them both on fire and happily face trial knowing i did nothing wrong

U GET IT NONNIEEEEE like yes making ghosts is a jegulus fic but at its very core . it's about grief and siblings and regulus and sirius . so ofc one of the best parts of it it's the brother angst and their screaming matches!! i have so much fun writing those scenes (even if they also hurt a lil sometimes)

and yessss reg feels very conflicted about the whole sirius thing, despite not realising it most of the time, bc he thinks he hates him and wants to see him suffer which . he does . but he also keeps protecting him unknowingly and taking care of him in some ways and can't deal to watch him hurting unless he's the one responsible for it

ALSO YESSSS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT IM MANAGING TO PORTRAY SIRIUS' FEELINGS SO WELL EVEN THO HE GETS VERY FEW POVS bc that's exactly it, yes he's being mean and rude and unfair but he has his reasons??? and his behaviour makes a lot of sense considering the circumstances?? in fact, he's being a lot more civil than i'd be, i agree with u nonnie, i would've killed both reg and james already lmao

[think-it-through]

i dont like to talk of others than myself on the internet so ill keep the side of my oartner as inaccurate as i can while still expressing myself on this matter.

but. i have anxiety right? and ive dated someone for a long time. and yet there are little to no complaints little to no instructions. in some ways, yes its great. and beautiful and why cant i just accept that? do i belive i cannot have a happy relationship? no i do, i can and deserve one. i just don't believe its real, not like this. so im constantly trying to do my best and prevent ever hurting them or neglecting their needs by mistake and at the same time constantly trying to brace myself for the moment it does happen. the moment they break and tell me they think i am bad for them and toxic and incompatible and this is not working. and this part obviously comes from some part of me, not them. probably some sort of result from the conditionality of the love i experienced before this, its just so hard to believe someone would love me without conditions, conditions that, as an imperfect human i will ofc, predictably so, never meet or fail to meet at one point or something alone those lines.

and yet. the other side of things is just. how little i feel like i know about their mind and boundaries? in this relationship, as a sensitive person, that is also conflict averse i do my bestest to explain my emotional needs and thought processes, preventively or in case something already did hurt me or affect me somehow. part of this is to avoid conflict but a big part of it is also to avoid being misunderstood, my behaviour slipping and reflecting my regative, hurt, petty emotions and then, worst case scenario in my head, hurt my partner. so im constantly explaining myself, constantly asking for what i need or saying how i feel in detail, when i am asked and ready to do so. to be clear, this is all intented as a means of being understood, bringing security into the relationship, i try my best to deal with my emotions and not make it seem like i am bestowing them onto my partner to be responsible of.

but, as someone like that, it is so hard for me to take, to believe, to accept, the lack of boundaries and communication about any hurt they ever felt in this relationship. there have been sometimes where they did talk of something, but its less than i can count on one hand and it was usually brief and momentarily, rarely resurfacing or anything in the likes of that.

ive discussed these worries with them and they always simply say im a good partner and they genuinely dont have anything more in their head that they are hiding or anything lile that.

but, in a different context they have also mentioned a fear of intimacy which would explain this. and also a tendency to deal w every struggle by themselves or at least the emotional type.

and at least twice they have admitted to going through more emotionally than they let on(during a situation i notice they act unusual and then a few days later after i worry about it, maybe they admit to it)

so im at a point of.. do i bring this up again for the 19th time and force this person to open up and let me into their emotional life? or, to put it much less harshly, do i insist that i want (and frankly, to deepen our connection i need) our relationship to be a space for visiting each others minds, being emotionally vulnerable, maximising emotional and physical comfort to each other around each other, authenticity, a space so comfortable neither of us think twice before simply saying whats on their minds, before simply being, simply existing in each others presence. i want it to have the nature of full authenticity and comfort in that sense but also discomfort as in healthy, growing, discomfort, such as emotional vulnerability and open honest disagreement and genuine interest in listening and understanding each other and our differences (something i have experienced with few close friends already. so i know it is possible. it sounds romanticised when put into words like this but all in all, i just wanna be completely honest and completely be ourselves around each other man. if we re not then are we really in love, are we really friends. are we really connecting.

orr, the other option that i have been trying to take and failing is. trusting that they are in fact, already doing everything they said above and there is no other hidden layer. and they are just much more simple in their thinking and much more secure and stable in their emotions, so ofc, to someone like me, who has to constantly manage the wave of my emotions, it seems unusual but in fact, it is just another way of being? but, also, knowing my partner, they are not a neurotypical, anxiety/emotion free person either. so. but then again, i am an anxious person. its hard for me to admit self diagnosis wise but i really believe i have some type of anxiety disorder. and the opposite of anxiety iss trust, something i am trying to practice more, so perhaps for my growth, i should try to continue with this route thst has not helped me so much, trust.

well, i did try both routes and neither was satisfactory. 1. sure i can ask but if my partner doesnt want to share or believe there even is smth there to share, i just get nothing.

2. i trust and it might be okay for a while, but i feel part of our connection is lacking, and also the fact is imminent, that a situation will happen, some sort of moment, and i will sense an emotion or boundary or even just thought or opinon unmentioned by them and i will go insane once again,over everything i just wrote down.

welll i might jst try to bring this up as philosophically as i wrote it here and discuss it for fun w them and see what happens.

but also, why am i so obsessed with knowing everything in this persons mind(cough cough love i guess??) they deserve their privacy but i also deserve a relationship connection that is emotionally satisfactory and mutual, not just on my end.

i dont know. i dont know anything. but ik one thing.

i love this person and, only and only in a way healthy and nurturing for us both and our growth, i want to make this work.

[ess-presso]

hi ess <3

lily best milf ever SO TRUE!!!! & i did see theinvisiblemuseum's art its SO good i love their art sm.

tay time! closure, out of the woods, & clean <3

and omg pink lemonade! i loved that fic it was so good. (im trying to get my fic rec for u but AO3 IS DOWN RN. UNBELIEVABLE!! ill have one for next time i promise)

chatting time <3

having a pic of a pigeon as a souvenir from a trip is pretty funny tbh. imagine travelling across the world and the only thing u brought back was a single photo of a kinda-ugly bird.

podg ben & dune timmy❤️ im so excited for the next dune film purely for more scenes editors can use for reg. like yes i like the dune series but im a simple woman. i have priorities.

medium well on an exam is better than medium bad !! i think its a cause to celebrate. also i hate it when everyones talking about the answers they got and u got something completely different. i start panicking so bad.

we truly did win the bff lottery. get urself a friend who brings u food in the rain and dances in the kitchen to jazz with u or threatens to send u to a mental hospital. theyre rare.

tbh kentucky seems like the kind of place to have colonel sanders just everywhere. thats their pride and joy he must be displayed. i bet they have tons of kfcs too.

L & E AND L & B FTW!!! so real. and u have a marriage pact? thats so cool. liv has a long term bf so we dont but if i asked her to she might leave him so. i did have a marriage pact with another good friend but she moved away </3

and omg i hate condescending people sm. they piss me off so much like STOP UR NOT BETTER THAN ME!! especially if shes asking if u know what a computer processor is like girl who cares there are bigger things to worry about i promise.

LIKEAFUNERALL'S XENO>>>>> pandora was winning fr.

gary oldman and timmy in the same video = literal jumpscare. and yes ive seen that pic of ben & andrew and i literally cried. i thought it was edited at first but it wasnt and i cried . #wolfstar

a hozier concert would fix me and i truly believe that. also my entire tiktok fyp is just edits with work song now?? like how does it know we were talking abt that song on here. i fear tiktok is spying on me .

and omfg. i have seen the jesus/judas edits. at first they were really funny like why are people making jesus fancams.....but then they got like actually kinda sad and i felt bad for jesus. like sorry u had shitty friends man . i promise ur really popular nowadays </3

i swear harry is being americanized. he spends so much time there hes forgotten his roots and that the rest of the world exists. like why does he need to do several shows in la or nyc when he can travel elsewhere !!

i dont trust people who dont scream cruel summer ESPECIALLY "he looks up grinning like a devil" like its a scream-or-nothing situation.

piss & gladiators <3 sorry rome but its true. maybe i can fit something else in there. rome, the eternal city of piss , pickpockets, and gladiators.

u should totally give them detentions. abuse ur power. especially if theyre making u late to exams?? so rude of them tbh.

i hate being full named sm. luckily im the one who full names liv and not the other way around so i can live in peace <3

im always seeing art with lil baby harry calling remus his uncle moony and it KILLS me every time. :((

also omg "dumpydumpster"..... fuck that old man fr.

book lovers>anyone else!!!! i cant imagine being with someone who doesnt know who remus lupin is its just not happening.

yes chess!!! every time i play i channel all my beth harmon from queens gambit energy. even if i lose it doesnt matter im still slaying.

u know putting down an answer for every question on ur exam is all that matters !! its better than nothing and i live by that.

annotating books for each other>>> i had a friend and her and her gf annotated sappho's poetry for each other. it was so fucking sweet i wanted to cry.

and hozier writing a song abt u?? literally my cause of death. get urself someone who will write a beautiful song abt u <3

i wanna go to portugal so bad. i looked up the sanctuary of our lady fatima and it looks so peaceful <3 i love old churches tbh they always have such a nice calming vibe. and omg algarve?? that looks SO NICE!!! i need to be at a beach there rn. and all the food sounds so good. im so hungry now.

oh what id give to have james' no-hangover power......that should be me.

the ship name moonwater kills me cause like why are we using reg's cause of death😭 give him a break !!!!!

omg secondary house slytherin!! welcome <3 & the only reason i have so many patronuses is cause i was unsatisfied with the first few so i retook the test a bunch LOL. i figured raven was good enough so i left it at that.

dairy queen <3

"ex gifted kid now try hard" SO TRUE!!!! why cant things just be easy now .

omg timmy tim at the oscars! if i see two timmys this year ill know whats up.

american chocolate is SO GROSS like i know canada has a lot of american chocolate too but at least we have SOME european chocolate thats actually good.

sadly the snow is pretty much gone :( it rained and now its just mush. bad day for snowmen enjoyers.

wait thats so funny to have a taller georgie i love it. and a shorter clown thats hilarious id laugh so hard

killing barty is so funny to me. like yes i like him but yes he absolutely deserves it.

ill make liv get that tattoo even if its the last thing i do idc.

hoarding nail polish and lipstick> so real of u. my nail polish collection is way too excessive and some colours are just Not it. like girl why do u need 3 different browns theyre so ugly.

that quote kills me every time i read it ( i had to read that play for a class and it was like a slap in the face fr.)

mskingbean knows whats up. and omg yes little women references<3333 they take me out every time i read them.

seeing seth rogen & john mulaney was really weird but u know whats weirder? seeingf the entire riverdale main cast walk by only for a literal train of teenage girls run after them. im not kidding it was so funny.

humpty dumpty party mix is a such a funny name ur so right actually. it even has a little humpty dumpty egg guy on the bag i love it <3

omg lover being ur first dance song <3 its the perfect song for that fr. but yes rep is perfect for when ur needing to feel like a criminal !!

fr seeing the parthenon changed my life. i need to go back or ill perish.

i think harry would be proud if he knew i came out to his song tbh. but lu figuring u out? SO REAL. liv already had her suspicions and after the crying told me i radiate "potent bisexual energy" so.

r(edge) 4ever idc. it just sounds sm better.

AHAHA va fa napoli kinda is a swear, it doesnt actually have a bad meaning but it basically sounds like "vaffanculo" which means basically "fuck you" or "go to hell". & omg wanting to learn swedish for young royals MOOD!! i took french throughout all of primary school and im still shit so. bad canadian over here

ur qs

being a gold digger is so real of u. i support this endeavor.

lily evans is such marriage material its not even funny!!!!!

SIX LANGUAGES!!!!! THATS SO COOL!!!!! we got the rosetta stone over here people. i had a friend who was gonna teach me some hindi but she moved away

topaz obsidian & amethyst <33 all so cool.

u should totally watch it, its so good. the last episode where that quote was from was genuinely the most heartbreaking and beautiful episodes of television ive ever watched like ever. it was so good.

forests <333 love myself a nice lil sun dappled forest with woodland creatures wandering about. tbh where i live u can visit all 3 at the same time so i could never pick just one.

omg a hairdresser i love that. im actually my own hairdresser (ie i dont wanna pay for a professional so i just cut and dye it myself) i wanted to be a makeup artist but that dream didnt last long.

wait cancer thats actually cool. i dont think many people know much about how it works & biology is so fascinating sometimes. and yesss ofc platonic soulmates <333 we dont have time for superficial friends!!!

timmy and louis <3 (get louis away from grandma STAT!!!!) ofc flo and zendaya. excellent choices.

*gasps in spotify user* okay but to be fair apple music & spotify are like nearly identical at this point. i only use spotify cause i dont wanna move all my music to apple music itd take way too long.

i love canis major sm. and draco too its such a cool looking constellation.

AWW i love that sm. cant believe he danced better than u thats hilarious. he came to slay and to slay ONLY!!! and the toaster gift? thats so funny and sweet. i hope hes ready to slay again at the next wedding🕺

omg wingstop i want so bad too. they make it sound so good and i need to try it before it die. and omg birria tacos are SO good. highly recommend.

answering qs

ive got a few topics actually: the life of agrippina the younger (emperor nero's mother) and her rise and fall to power; the sociopolitical role of a woman in sparta versus athens; lord of the rings as a whole; the tragedy of star wars and the themes of hope and rebellion. oh and space! i love space and astronomy sm.

worst advice ive ever given: i accidentally helped someone get rejected💀 it was the guy who liked me on and off during high school, he liked this other girl for a bit and asked me what he should do, so i told him to be honest with her and tell her how he feels or else nothing will ever happen between them, so he did and she turned him down for being too forward. oops! at least hes not into women anymore.

worst advice ive taken: tbh ive got no idea. i can be a very paranoid person so when people give me advice i take extra care to think it through so ig ive managed to avoid shitty advice.

which element id be: bismuth bc its symbol is Bi <3 and its rainbow and cool. gay element fr.

undercover spy name: this is so lame but if we're going along the james bond theme id go with 008 cause my fav number is 8.

savoury or sweet: savoury forever. i love sweet stuff but its easy to get sick of it if u have too much.

fav friend: phoebe!! also monica but only bc im a clean freak like her & i also love to cook.

3 wishes: gimme a couple million dollars, the power to stop racism/homophobia, and an endless supply of pasta and im a happy girl.

how long id last in a zombie apocalypse: id like to imagine id be absolutely killing it out there but id probably freak out and die like right away. id at least try and be the best doomsday prepper i could possibly be but i cant even drive so i dont think im lasting long

fav stone: opal! biased bc its october's birthstone but its so pretty. i also love emerald cause thats my fav colour. also malachite. very pretty colour.

fav constellation: scorpio (again, biased. but its cool looking), canis major, leo, & lupus. i cant choose just one.

weirdest dream: i once dreamt that i had lunch with anne hathaway?? it was just a normal lunch. i think i had like mac and cheese or something. i woke up very confused.

worst dream: i once dreamt that i got pregnant and my mom kicked me out & when i woke up all i wanted to know was who the father was tbh.

best dream: i once dreamt that i was living my normal life but my soulmate was there and it was great. except they didnt have a face cause idk who my soulmate is but at least i got to have a dream about it.

timmy or ben: timmy. i love ben but timmy will always be it for me. lil timmy tim girl since day one💪

movie food: popcorn for sure but also reese's! sometimes gummy worms if they have them.

last text i sent: i told one of my friends to watch lockwood & co. on netflix. v fun lil ghost hunting show based on a book series, highly recommend!

last text i got: one of my old roommates said "im always thinking about morbius" like okay girl!

phone calls or text messages: text messages!! phone calls make me so anxious. text messages at least give u time to think of a response if ur anxious. phone calls are merciless and will expose ur antisocialness.

greek tragedy hero: i got achilles. not sure how i feel abt that but okay! (omg u got orpheus thats the best possible answer imo!!)

fav meme: idk if i have one specific fav meme but dumb tiktok humour gets me a lot. back in the day old vine humour was hilarious to me (def mostly cringey now but oh so nostalgic)

qs for u!

whats something on ur bucketlist?

do u have any hobbies?

fav app on ur phone?

least fav icks?

what would u do if u won the lottery?

do u believe in ghosts/the supernatural?

where can someone find u at a party?

go-to karaoke song?

whats the craziest thing youve ever done in the name of love?

if u had to lose one of the 5 senses, which would u pick?

early bird or night owl?

if u were stranded on an island, what 3 objects would u bring with u?

unpopular marauders opinion?

what would u do if u were the last person on earth?

fav number?

fuck marry kill: james, reg, lily.

whats one language u wish u were fluent in?

thats all for now <3

(also i realized these are always SO long & im prob clogging up ur page with my rambling so if u ever want me to stop just lemme know!!!)

-bee

hi hey hello bee :)))))

THEIR ART IS LEGITIMATELY TOP NOTCH IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

tay tay -

closure - JEGULUS - listen , I think it's literally James after they break up. like to me it's him 'seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain' I can so so so imagine that being him to Regulus after a long day and all he can feel is PAIN.

out of the woods - JEGULUS - claiming this song especially for my jegulus , but to me it screams of a pair of people (James and regulus) absolutely in love and one of them (regulus) trying so so hard not to be , but 'the monsters turned out to be just trees' and 'when the sun came up you were looking at me' - so so so them.

clean - LILY - ok at first I WAS thinking jegulus , but then I listened and I was like 'Lily Evans' like can you imagine???? her after finally telling Snape to fuck the fuck off , and feeling so much pain , but then one morning waking up and finally being 'clean' (side note - I forgot that u existed is also for them)

SKSKSK I haven't finished it yet - reading mental by sara_holmes - a legilmency drarry fic in which a miscast spell makes them hear each other's thoughts. ( also no. 'tis not okay. execute you.)

chatting :))))) -

pigeons are motherfuckin ugly and I would NEVER waste my camera storage on them. I'd literally rather take a picture of a rubbish bin. hate those pesky arse bastards.

YES YES YES oh my god I'm so excited for dune 2. it has Timmy , zendaya , Flo - literally a bisexual's DREAM cast (and also Austin butler??? I think???) can't wait to go there with the old lu and fucking watch every second ( he fell asleep in the last one.)

I celebrated by getting brownies !!!! nah , honestly when they do that , I'm all like 'keep ur gob shut u mf lepers' they have no common decency like DUDE can you let me fail in peace ???

kitchen jazz , walking through the ran and threats to go to the mental hospital <3333 how lucky we are :))))

they should have a colonel sanders statue like the one of Jesus in Brazil. like , I've said this before , but no one would KNOW Kentucky if not for kfc. and horses , I think. kfc and horses.

lelblelblelb !!! that's so rude of her she should break up with him immediately. pronto. see lu hasn't had a girlfriend in the entire time I've known him. so I'm thinking he'll still be a loner at 40. I might not be. (jk we both won't be. he'll find some girl and I'll find someone too!!! (said depressed because I haven't yet found someone) )

nah she's a bitch for real. but she's pretty. but she's a bitch. girl fuck your RAM and your motherboards. and there are so many bigger things to worry about. like global warming or whatever.

IK IK IK I LOVE HER XENO SO SO MUCH !!!! pandora was winning fr fr. (as was he. both are equally lucky to have each other)

I KNOW THAT MOMENT REALLY MADE IT FOR THE WOLFSTAR SHIPPERS !!!!!! like damn we made it happen. I just fuckin know it (so did we with the Timmy x Gary thing. like they for sure knew.)

hozier literally HEALS my soul. like he (and lu) are the only men ever <33 I think I'd be in fuckin tears if I ever went to a concert. (also same??? I got like three videos of Canadian glow coins ???)

Jesus/judas - nah I saw one of the Great War nd I fr was feeling for JESUS. like bro knew it was judas and he didn't say anything and ,,,, tragic (listen it may be blasphemous but I can so see like a Jesus/judas style marauders au. like it's so blasphemous. but it would be so good.)

BOY FORGOT HIS ROOTS. HE FORGOT THAT IT WAS US BRITS THAT GAVE HIM HIS CLAIM TO FAME. WITHOUT US HE'D NEVER 'GO AMERICA' THAT LITTLE BASTARD.

IT'S YOUUUU SHAPE OF YOUR BODY IS BLUEEE FEELING I GOT IS OOOOOH WOAH WOAH IT'S A CRUEEEL SUMMER (gotta go throw rocks at someone's window fr fr and have him look up 'grinning like a devil' like DAMN.)

piss , pickpockets & gladiators <333 London is the city of pigeons , rain and red buses. what's yours up there in canada??

I TOOK AWAY HOUSEPOINTS. IF THEY DO IT TOMORROW IT'S A LUNCH TIME DETENTION FOR THEM. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THOSE LIL BITCHES. full respect to the ones that keep out my way , love them.

it's so cool u can full name liv , because it's the other way round for me. like in a fully LOUD voice he full names me and I'm like 'fuck okay this shit serious'

and about lil harry and uncle moony I found this canary u might like (ac: letraspal)

I hate dumpydumpster so much. how dare u hurt my boy harry like that. (u bet I'm going to take it out on him in doa)

yes how am I supposed to be with u if u don't read. how are we supposed to keep each other silent company u don't fuckin read. and and remus lupin is god how can someone not know him.

CHESSSSS. I LOVE THE VIBES AND I'M GOING TO LEARN I SWEAR. and queen's gambit energy slays whether u win or lose. just saying.

except when the question is some astronomical shit and all u can think of is - damn. gonna pull a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and go for '42'.

ANNOTATING SAPPHO'S POETRY FOR EACH OTHER??? THAT'S SO SWEET AND ONE OF THE MOST ROMANTIC THINGS TO EXISTS EVER ???? I WISH THEM NOTHING BUT THE BEST AND I HOPE THEY GET MARRIED FR FR.

ahhhh Fatima is my safe space.( and yes old churches on top. but there's an abandoned church like three streets away and it's like a horror movie style church. literally abandoned. posters from the war or some shit it's scary fr fr) and ALGARVEEEE algarve is home home. (the food is top-notch so I get u so hard) !!!

no same because hangovers are the reason Lucifer fell from heaven like wtf ???? (although lu does have a hangover cure , and if I'm the drunk one and he makes it I'm always at least 50% better. he a real one for that.)

THIS. EXACTLY. like moonseeker? at least do that?? give my boy a break okay like damn.

yes exactly like u better not stick me with shit like mole or rat or something u best believe I'm retaking that test. (thank u I feel welcomed indeed. but careful because I'm still a brave at heart.)

I want to go Dairy Queen.and wingstop. ESPECIALLY. wingstop.

got them chills from tmt like that song HITS HITS.

Timmy Tim and Tim Timmy <333

european chocolate is the only chocolate that should exist. ban American chocolates. (also cannot believed they banned kinder eggs. like wtf dude???)

that's annoying as fuck I hate when that happens. sue the sky.

EXACTLYYYY OH MY GOD. a taller Georgie and a shorter it and it was fucking hilarious. everyone complimented us and we were so proud!!!

yes like I like him in fics in canon he go fuck himself into the deep pits of the nether worlds.

YES, U DO THAT , I DO LU AND WE WILL CONVERGE AT THIS POINT WHEN WE SUCCEED.

I would just burst into tears. straight up.

mskingbean oh how I love her. lw references have my heart (literally going to write one in chapter 13. so excited.)

who the fuck would run after them. if it was me I'd be running away.

I WANT TO GO THERE. I WILL ONE DAY. ONE DAY JUST U WAIT.

nah that sounds like such a fun cute lil snack I love that shit.

harry would love that for u. liz and lu know what's up , they got their bisexual best friends , and now they're allied as fuck.

glad it's a semi-swear. that's so fun omg. also I also took French in primary and secondary and I still cannot speak more than 'je ma pellet' (not correct but u get it). Lu's a fluent frenchie though , so I always got him to do my French hw , and I'd do his English. fair exchanges , that way .

GOLD DIGGER STYLES !!!!!!

LILY EVANS THE WOMAN THAT SHE IS <3333333

THANK U I LOVE BEING MULTILINGUAL !!!! also why everyone of urs moving away. that's kinda sad. (I teach u Hindi. then u can watch Bollywood movies which HIT.)

OKAY OKAY I HEAR U I SEE U I'LL WATCH.

yes like picnics in the forests with little bunnies running around in the sun aahhhhh. (also not being able to pick is so fuckin real of u. like I get that so hard.)

I too am my own hairdresser ( I lied because I tried then just called lu to do it for me so TECHNICALLY he's my hairdresser but I digress) I'm gonna be honest here. glad u moved away from the make up artist dream because no way would I be paying 500£ for facial makeup like girl damn does that shit come with a free diamond necklace or something ???

I know I know I moan about it tonnes but bio and them are my THINGS. and oncology + cancer has always been a bit of an interesting thing to me. very cool to learn about . (and yes!! we take only diamonds of friends !!!)

GET LOUIS AWAY FROM GRANDMA. and straight to me. I could treat him right. ( all jokes I have one louis already (that's lu right there.) however I might abandon my louis for that louis !!!

Apple Music is just BETTER. sorry , bee , I shall never use Spotify. Apple Music is like the HD version of Spotify.

Canis Major (especially the alpha star wink wink) & Draco stay winning I love them so so much.

he SLAYED. he slays always he's so good at dancing makes me jealous fr. and yes a toaster , and I told him not to bother but he did. which , admittedly , very sweet of him.

one day many years in the future I shall brave America just for the wingstop. (now I want to eat those birria tacos so bad like god come in my mouth rn bbs.)

reviewing ur q's <333 -

THIS ALL SOUNDS SO INTERESTING ??? I AM SIMPLY IN AWE ???? also yess yess yess space and astronomy forever like looking through a telescope being there being real and just so .... ethereal. love that for us ex-astronomy bitches.

nah bro got done so bad he switched to the other side. now I wanna know if he's still getting done bad by the men. but u did what u had to , and it's really just his fault.

avoiding shitty advice like YESS YESSS DAMNNNNN I wish I could do the same.

bismuth for bi is so real. bisexuals for the winnnnn. I'd be polonium because I want to be a poison. dangerous as fuck.

008 sounds so cool , but 007 has a ring to it. like it just does. idk what I'd be. 007 is my go to. so double oh seven it is.

no literally I can never get tired of savoury stuff , but I can of sweet things. like no one ever gets it , but I'm absolutely right. (brownies are the only exception to this rule)

Phoebe and Monica !!!! my baes I love them so much !!! my favourite friend is joey. I aspire to be a loveable slut too <33

a couple MILLION???? I'd be shooting for the billions ??? bad one bee. endless pasta yesssss as u should !!! (and yes so noble of u to stop the world problems. such a good person !!!! )

nah same I'd be killing myself before any clown kills me. or I'd be like Eddie , survive till the second movie then die on the cusp of happiness.

OPALS ARE SO PRETTY THEY'RE LIKE MADE OF PARADISE I SWEAR. and I fucking love emeralds and malachite (idk what the last one is but I'm trying)

YESSS SCORPIO IS SO PRETTY TOO!!! Canis Major also a win yessss. and Leo. ahhhh reggie I love u . but not as much as sirius. but I love u. AND LUPUS OMG (makes note of sirius telling remus about his very own star)

idk what you're talking about having lunch with Anne Hathaway is perfectly normal. and Mac and cheese with the queen of Genova ??? stay winning girl , love that for u and ur funny little brain.

nah because same. I had a whole ass baby with someone , beautiful and blonde and it was a cute lil baby boy and I was such a happy mother then I woke up and I was sad ???? like bro u were never a mother LET IT GO !!! pregnancy dreams are weird as fuck. especially when u dk who the father was.

ahhh yess having your soulmate by your side yessss I love. I've had so many dreams but I never know who the person is. like reveal yourself heathen so I can find u and kiss you on the mouth.

yes ben barnes hits but not as hard as Timmy Tim Tim.

this movie food sounds lovely. once I took a whole steak too the movies. + Yorkshire puddings. (but its okay because cinemas here don't have ushers. ) and people around us were eating shit like fucking lobster. like idk what we were on but that movie everyone was eating high cuisine. (but I love a good box of smarties , nachos + gummy worms myself. ALSO THE RAZZLE DAZZLE CHOCOLATE BUTTONS. THE WHITE ONES.)

ooooh interesting. I've actually seen some ads for that shit , adding to my list rn. (my own last text was 'can I be the banker today' and u can very well guess who it was to)

yes girl ! go ! to therapy !! (the last text I got was 'YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT BEING THE BANKER. FUCK NO. I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF. )

no yes I so get this because same. there's literally only one person I'd ever phone call/ FaceTime (lu) and I'm on ft with him now (he's not being neglected it's like a mutual study session where I study and he studies and also makes sure I'm studying.

achilles ! wow idk how to feel about that myself. u better not lose your lover or else you will literally raze the earth. (and I better not lose mine or I'll lose them again)

no same there are so many good memes idk how to choose it's way too hard. this one is my favourite-

my q's !!! -

getting married and having a family. I know I know some people will say 'not very feminist' (fuck them feminism is about choice) and dw CAREER is still on top. but I know I'm going to do that shit. I want that true love type of thing. the kind where you look at someone and go 'yes. you. you're the one.' that kind. damn this shit got me sentimental as fuck. and I really just want that happily ever after with my person and I want to have a family too. AND A CAREER. but I'd do that on my own too. u get me ??

eating brownies. and baking brownies. and jazz dancing. but brownies and jazz. and also , obviously reading and writing !!!

probably Tumblr. everyone is so chill here I love it.

are u asking about my idk ?? like the one thing that a potential date or someone would do to turn me off immediately ??? I'll answer it like u are hold on. when he's a mummy's boy. (and I've had this experience specifically with a boy). like oh my mum doesn't like it when u do that. my mum doesn't want me to do that. my mum would do that for me why don't u. idk motherfucker maybe because I'm not your mum????? the fuck ??? go date her then ????

world trip with my best friend and buy a huge giant mansion and fucking have the time of my life. and donate to charity and stuff , obviously.

near the window next to the snack table eating a cracker and holding a can of coke and chatting to lu. (if sober) // if not sober then on top of lu piggy back style trying to unscrew the light bulb and saying it's too hot but getting cheered on also by the unsober crowd. true story. happens weirdly often ?? but I always ask for piggy-backs when drunk it's like ... a thing.

*coughs* *brushes lint off of jacket* *coughs again* I CAN'T LOVE YOUUUUU IN THE DARRRRRKKKKK I FEEEEEL LIKE WE'RE OCEANSSSSSS APARTTTTT.

hmmm. going to go for platonic soulmatism (sorry to anyone I've dated. I just haven't crazy things for u. u were nice though. some of u that is.) I put itching powder in the uniform of a guy on the rival hockey team (he'd fouled lu and he was all taunty and shit and I had it in my pockets only because we'd passed by a partica shop and I had to go inside to buy shit for a party and I was like 'damn itching powder this is fun'). rest be assured Lu's team did indeed win. (the guy had rashes on his face next time I saw him , which , not my fault because that's not where I put the itching powder ??)

speaking. I can write notes , I can hear music , I can see my peoples. I don't mind never talking again.

night owl. I love getting my shit done late and staying up till like late then going to bed and refusing to wake up ever. this is also another reason I get full-named by lu sometimes. he literally has had to wake me up by throwing shit at my window before.

Swiss army knife , first aid kit , and lu. if people are not allowed , then I say phone. call for emergency and shit. or if people aren't counted , then I say monopoly. maybe the imminent cause of death will make him let me be the banker.

listen this is very unpopular but -it's not misogynistic if people say 'lily potter' instead of 'Lily Evans' . like that was her name. people are fully allowed to call her that??? it's not unfeminist to take your husband's last name , and someone should tell them that. (not talking about when she isn't married to James or when she's younger. ) but u get what I mean. like let people live damn she is a potter. at least in canon.

kill myself. very simple. but I'd need lu at the very least. can't live on the earth without the best friend (very sirius x James . except sirius did live without James....) I'd straight up kill myself if he died. very dramatic , I know. but we go down together !

3. u might have seen the reblog on my blog of this number going everywhere. but 3 is very dear to me. I think I really hate 2 though. like that bitch can go die in a ditch somewhere. '23' is a close second (hello I was born on the 23rd)

fuck lily marry James kill reg. sorry reg but I'm pulling the 'they're good people' thing. but I still love you. but I love them more.

hmm. I do wish I was fluent in French. I think I'd love to understand half the shit lu keeps saying to me. and maybe I'd've got a better grade in my French exams in secondary school !

q's for uuuu -

are you a mirrorball or this is me trying ?

drarry or dramione (feel ashamed to ask but I feel like I should )?

one ship has to go - jily or regulus ?

wolf star or jegulus ?

craziest thing you've ever done in the name of love ?

craziest thing someone's done in the name of love for you?

funniest story you have ?

craziest rumour you've ever heard ?

bitchiest thing someone has ever said ?

harry or Hermione ?

dramione or romaine (again , obvious answer , but I still want to ask )?

(AND NEVER STOP RAMBLING !!!! I LIVE FOR THE RAMBLES!!! THEY ARE ALL VERY VERY DEAR TO ME I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. come back soon bee I will miss u too much <33)

[randombubblegum]

the thing is i see awsten as someone who’s like. fundamentally uncomfortable with talking about sex, like yeah he makes his pregnancy jokes and dick jokes but at the end of the day i still remember during fandom era when he would talk about imhs and say things like “yeah its just sooo taboo to talk about sex in the scene, like no one ever sings about sex in the warped tour kinda genre, all they ever sing about is emotions” etc etc and like. thats not true?? all time low did NOT have the filthy little whore lyric just for awsten to call the pop punk scene prudish lmao. so to me all of that just came across like someone who was personally kind of squeamish about talking about sex trying to like justify this (relatively sexless) song. which makes this new era so bizarre bc tbh he still seems uncomfortable? like if there are any cowriters for brainwashed im guessing he didnt write that lyric, like maybe *im* the one projecting but like ive seen people comfortably write/sing sexual lyrics and that is not what it looks like lmao (that being said. i fucking love this song ngl)

YES exactly!!!! thats because he IS a person whos fundamentally uncomfortable talking about sex outside of jokes he can couch it in and remove it from himself lol. the lyric in imhs is literally just….. “i miss having sex” thats hardly any real discussion and that was STILL clearly a struggle for him. which is fine!!!!! it is FINE to be uncomfortable or unwilling to discuss YOUR OWN sex life even if youre making dirty jokes on the reg!!!!! theyre not mutually exclusive by any means!!!

and thats exactly what it was LMAO hes squeamish about sex (not shocking considering both how he was raised and his general personality behind the persona) and him thinking the pop punk scene is “prudish” so him saying the word “sex” was like a huge deviation rly just…. shows the kind of music he listens to lol. also even in the big, non-whore bands of the scene (sorry atl) fob and (post 1st album) panic and whoever else still throw in oblique references to sex but dont spell it out. like all the lines about hips crashing in fob. little deaths in musical beds. its actually sexier to allude but not spell it out AND awsten used to do that in his own music so that makes it an even weirder direction to take here…….

and yes LOL he still does seem uncomfortable!!!! thats why i know this is a deliberate marketing choice and tone shift. he still doesnt want ppl seeing into his actual real sex life and isnt willing to share (extremely valid) but that is rly noticeable with how he just throws these disconnected lyrics in and then…. doesnt touch them? maybe if he gets more interviews later hell ~go in depth~ about the sex lyrics but i bet you he wont. i dont think someone else literally wrote them BUT i do think hes being coached in this direction for virality and hopeful attention. this is not an atl situation where hes gonna be up there making whore stage banter with geoff and then talk about how he fucks LMAO and if he tried it would ring so fake and hollow bc thats not him. and frankly these lyrics arent him either

[robincantfunction]

Hi! Can I request an Alex from Julie and the phantoms x fem! reader, where Alex and y/n are best friends with the prompt number 20 “have you seen my- hoodie… and you’re wearing it” please?

ALEX AND THE READER ARE JUST FRIENDS IN THIS FANFIC. IM SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION, AND IM VERY SORRY IF I MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE <3

wow posting a fic more than twice a week? who is she?

requested: yes/no (requests are open)

warnings: fem!reader, like one swear word, a suggestive comment (lemme know if i missed any)

summary: the band are writing a song in the garage (the song i used is the ramblings of a lunatic)

a/n: thank you for the request!! i have to admit writers block really got me good for this, but i love alex so much!! this is kinda just a band x reader with an implied luke x reader (i hope that's ok!) but i kept the alex x reader aspect for the hoodie part :) sorry it took so long!!

they were all sitting down in the 'studio' as luke calls it, luke and y/n writing random lyrics in their notebooks whilst reggie mindlessly strumming his bass, alex was balancing his drum sticks on his nose and bobby was late. as always. y/n wrote as she hummed to herself, trying to come up with a rhythm.

I'm setting pen to paper again Lost my sense of home from the words that I've said But the thoughts have begun to ferment in my head And content manifest don't feel good enough for them

"have either of you got anything?" she looked up at reggie "possibly, writing a brand new song for just a few days time is a lot of pressure i have to admit" luke nodded. the two had been nonstop writing for what felt like forever, trying to create their best song yet.

So I Try and transcend my ego But don't we know It will never work Maybe I'll just descend to dirt Flirt with becoming food for worms

"well you two never dissapoint, i'm sure we'll get there" alex looked at her, to make sure she was ok. y/n got stressed easily, and was hard on herself and the lyrics she'd create. she nodded at him and the silent communication was understood. "i think i have some decent lyrics, but it really will need a good tune to go along with it, reg - alex?" their song writing process was always different depending on the situation. most of the time luke and or y/n would have a song practically done, chords in mind aswell, and then the others would build off it and add to it. but in desperate situations like this, y/n and luke would be on lyrics and reg, alex and bobby (when he turned up) would try and create a killer beat.

Would anyone listen to this The ramblings of a lunatic My mind does play an awful trick The ramblings of a lunatic Would anyone listen to this I'm running from my emptiness My brain is tired, my stomach sick The ramblings of a lunatic

in the background she could faintly hear a bass playing, and subtle taps on the drums. but when she was in the zone, when she got an idea, it was like the whole world went fuzzy, and all she could hear was the lyrics forming themselves.

Why has constructing sentences become like pulling teeth Wiping dental records clean Is the carcass even me? Is This catharsis Therapeutic plunge to darkness Or elaborating upon my mediocrity

as the door to the garage opened she got taken out of her trance. "hey guys, sorry i'm late-" "-i was just making out with cassie" she muttered, thinking no one else heard, but clearly luke did as he tried to stifle a laugh, ending up just covering it up with a cough. "i was with cas and lost track of time" y/n rolled her eyes "oh yeah no totally, we get it you were busy. might wanna button your shirt up properly though" this time it was everyone except bobby struggled to maintain their laughter. his face fell in embarrassed, that was a look she wouldn't forget for a long time. "seriously bobby it's fine" she smiled, although under her breath she mumbled "not like we're trying to write a song for the orpheum or anything". it started getting cold in the studio, so she got up and walked to alex's bag, knowing he'd have a spare hoodie she could nab.

Maybe this is a result Of me finally accepting That I'll be alone forever That I deserve forgetting It's a pointless endeavour And maybe it's upsetting But I've never felt more comfortable In the concept of things ending

she kept writing, although now very aware of her surroundings. after some time she noticed alex looking in his bag puzzled "have any of you seen my-" he looked up at y/n chuckling a little "hoodie... and y/n is wearing it" she smiled cheekily "sorry, did you want it back?" he shook his head "na it's ok don't worry. i was looking for pen and noticed it wasn't in there, thought i lost it" everyone chuckled slightly at the two. luke leaned over to say something only y/n could hear "looks better on you anyway" she blushed slightly, luke and her always had a flirty friendship. "ewww they're gonna fuck in a second- look he's undressing her with his eyes." alex deadpanned, making the entire group laugh, they always joked about luke and alex, but nothing had come of it yet.

Would anyone listen to this The ramblings of a lunatic My mind does play an awful trick The ramblings of a lunatic Would anyone listen to this I'm running from my emptiness My brain is tired, my stomach sick The ramblings of a lunatic

"y/n are you nearly finished with the lyrics? i think i might have something but i'll need to check to see if it goes with the style and stuff of the lyrics" she nodded, getting back to writing "yeah just gimme like 2 seconds"

Maybe this writer's block that I've been perceiving Is to stop me diving deeply into my internal being And falling into darkness below my surface tension Emotional suppression my coping mechanism 'Cause all my friends are dying, some faster than the others Lungs filling up with fluid, place face under the covers 'Cause all my friends are dying, some faster than the others I'm trying to distract myself from the fears that I've discovered

"honestly though can you guys believe it? we're actually gonna play at the orpheum! we're gonna be legends" luke was already hyping them all up "that's if this doesn't suck butt hole, and if i'm honest i'm not convinced" they all rolled their eyes "shut up y/n/n. you're thebest songwriter i know" luke smiled at her "yeah! just believe in yourself man! what's it about?" alex asked, already curious of the meaning behind the song without even hearing it "writer's block. and how i can ramble when i really need an idea. and other stuff i guess"

Would anyone listen to this The ramblings of a lunatic My mind does play an awful trick The ramblings of a lunatic Would anyone listen to this I'm running from my emptiness My brain is tired, my stomach sick The ramblings of a lunatic

Would anyone listen to this The ramblings of a lunatic My mind does play an awful trick The ramblings of a lunatic Would anyone listen to this I'm running from my emptiness My brain is tired, my stomach sick The ramblings of a lunatic

[euphorial-docx]

next summer i might go and work on a bakery as a full-time job for the whole summer and im exciting i guess, coz i have family on this island, and plus vacations and i will meet my cousins friends.

and i dont really want fall in love or have a crush to someone which i know I WILL because its m e but i SEE HOW REG FEELS AND I DONT WANT THIS.

but also i want this but also not,

yes its spam time i blame my adhd

i am a horrible baker, so i’d be shit at it, but i’ll be honest and say a summer job at a bakery sounds like so much fun!

i also develop crushes on people very easily. i think i fall in love with strangers like every time i go out. life is just a little more fun when there’s someone to think about, you know?

i’d say go for it if you do end up in that situation! because i can tell you now, regulus will not regret that he did :)

[iconsumeheadcanons]

this is just off the top of my head, but i wanted to classify diegos stutters (like the 3 times in the show?). im studying speech lang pathology and i got a lot of speech/lang difficulties so this is a mix of my own and others experiences, but also take this with a grain of salt

this is mostly an infodump, but also a way to let fans know that there are many forms of stuttering, not just repetitions

tldr: his main stutters are frontal repetitions, blocks, and elongations

1. so ill start with the flashback before a mission where he kinda jumps from shouting ‘normally’ then stands in front of that green mirror to practice his battle catchphrase 🥺 

i cant remember what he was saying AAAAAA i just, remember the sounds in the back of my brain. in this scene he is doing a mix of repetitions (likely bc hes practicing) and elongation.

im sure yall picked up on the situational set off for diego’s stutters, so i’ll point out here that he wasnt struggling with speech until he was alone and faced himself in the mirror. i’m sure in his head he heard reginald berating him, or villains and even his siblings making fun of him. every kid in that house def experiences some form of self-loathing, and until grace came to remind him and care for him, his stutters/anxieties were strong.

diego probably had more of these stutters regularly when he little, but grace likely worked with him often until his stuttering became a sign of stress. more awareness means more frustration :(

this can be written like “I-eyeeeeeeeuh-I wuh-want that knife.” just sorta sound the words out on your own and try to write that sound until the word is complete/dropped out.

2. shutting off grace/(patch dying??) :’(((

here, he has some of his usual fronting repetitions, but here, perhaps because the pure emotional reckoning hes experiencing, he is strongly producing blocks. he has large gaps in his words and he seems to struggle to move his body regularly in these scenes(i think? oh gosh). his breath kinda dies out after each word--which is emotional distress, but can also be caused from struggling to get a fucking word out and your air just keeps going off to superhell :/

when he was younger, im sure these blocks manifested when he was trying not to cry or when hes pissed. he mightve developed blocks after repetitions and elongations had been solidified parts of his speech

writers usually get this kinda thing down with splicing the quotation marks, but i guess to empathize the speech difference you can do, “It’s gon--ing to buh-be--o-o-okuh--kay.” which is kinda excessive, but bro this is how i hear myself every single time :( find a way to mark the end of a sound block basically

3. season 2 at the dinner table

reginald performs oscar-worthy rant of a despicable pre-dad-dad and diego actually cries here so >:(((((

“yor-ye-you’re--wr-wronggggguh

obviously upset, so we can expect blocks and his usual frontal reps, so this isnt much different from number 2 (ha). i think he elongates he as well bc hes trying to talk back to reg. but i wanted to highlight the way you could see his mouth struggle and contort around the sounds he couldn’t make. this manifestation of his distress can be compared to stimming or even moving around to distract from pain, both of which are actions that can be done to metaphorically whatever bad vibes are going on.

so basically help this dude. yo KNOW reg was ableist as shit, so you can bet reggie being an ass to diego can bring out multiple stutters (and maybe even tics)  whether or not either of them want that.

to add more than just speech difficulties in writing/medium, add descriptive words and repetitive/recognizable habits associated w the stutter. maybe someone taps their fingers or waves their hands for the syllables, maybe they frown or get disappointed or try to force their mouth into a more speech productive shape. personally, i have to draw graphs in the air to sound out words with multiple consonants in a row(which is not a stutter diego seems to have). i draw a ‘v’ in the air to say “si-ix-th”, otherwise i get stuck with “si-si-suh-si-susth place”

Bonus!!: you can even add other speech difficulties like switching syllables (caterpillar->callapiter), mispronunciations (harold jenkins->gerald genkins), volume regulation (diego always gets whispery when he stutters), dropoff sounds and interjections (too many ‘uh’s and running-guh.), and many other things. this is definitely SLP heavy bc everyone does some of this when they speak, but i think at the right moments that empathsis on these traits can reveal the emotional state of the character. prolly dont do this everytime (@myself lol)

[itsjaywalkers]

hello laurie<3 the two hour class route anon here and i wanted to tell you that i just finished reading nothing happens. and oh god. oh gOD?? OH MY FUCKING GOD JAMES ARE YOU OKAY??? I CANNOT BELIEVE THE MAN WHAT IS HE DOING WTF???? but also like... get it tho i hope u stay delusional as long as possible bc ohh he's gonna get so hurt😭😭 also him just casually saying 'we're such bros<3' abt reg after haviNG HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS HE'S SO UNSERIOUS ONG😭 and reg is just like '🧍‍♂️is this bitch fr-' bc wHAT is the meaning of platonic for these two

but. also. james just feeling sm love for reggie from when they meet that he doesn't even suspect he has romantic feelings for him bc he's just. always felt that way???? oh my GOD IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE

also emma😭 she's just going through it bc what kind of shit is this man pulling w her i was actually flabbergasted reading how james justified that damn kiss ong???

honestly just really looking forward to sirius' reaction to all this when he figures it out. i mean he spent like 3 years having his bsf and brother be jealous of each other for having to share him and now they're just doing whatever it is that they're doing and he cant even get mad at james bc the man doesn't even know‼️‼️ he's actually gonna go bald over these two omg

absolutely love them sm will be thinking abt these two on the route tmrw they're so so precious and silly i love them hope they get their shit together, even if its just for the sake of sirius' hair💗 thank you soo much for writing and sharing them with us i hope you have a great week<33

(also- didn't manage to complete the paper but the deadline hasn't passed yet so i'll just complete it tomorrow)

OMG HI BABE <333 genuinely don't know how u can deal with such a long commute, it takes me like . 45 min to get to work and that's already painful enough..

anyway HE IS NOT OKAY THAT'S THE PROBLEM and yes he's gonna get quite hurt, both he and reggie will be suffering A Lot and it's mostly bc they're dumb . and ridiculous . and also obsessive and toxic and don't know how to maintain a healthy dynamic. the make out scene is HILARIOUS to me, i couldn't keep a straight face while writing it, james is not real he really isn't. reg is at his fucking limit ngl. and also . quite confused

HE LOVES REGGIE SO FUCKING MUCH LIKE IT'S LOWKEY CONCERNING ATP but yeah if u stop and think about it, it does make sense, why james is unable to . distinguish between platonic and romantic when it comes to reg

I KNOWWWW i'm team james always that's my boy but also . i totally support emma, she should've punched him imo, bc what was james even saying HE WAS SO FUCKING INFURIATING DURING THAT WHOLE CONVO I SWEAR

oooooh i'm also looking forward to writing sirius' reaction, it's one of my fav parts of nothing happens, bc he does . go insane . although probably not for the usual reasons. but it's a very complicated situation and sirius is kinda . conflicted considering who are the ppl involved. IT'S SUCH A MESS he will go bald at this rate

i'm so very happy you like them so far and that ur loving this series this much <3 ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING YOU'VE BEEN BRAINROTTING ABOUT THEM (me too btw ur so very real). and they will get their shit together i promise!! it's gonna take quite long and i can't promise they'll have a healthy relationship by the end of this but !! they'll sort things out <333

(good luck my love, i hope u finish it in time for the deadline, i'm rooting for u and sending u a very big hug LOVE U <3)

[itsclydebitches]

Hello again! Im the tinfoil hat anon with the long ass asks and I finally had the time to read your response. Thank you, it makes my day reading your answers. I honestly just enjoyed them over a cup of coffee like a good book.

Now, the gun pointing scene I mentioned was in fact the one from the droid fight facility like the other anon suggested. But I really liked that you covered the boat scene too, I haven’t thought of it much myself and now I definitely have!

I also would like to mention I love your “candy bar” choice analogy and I 100% agree Hunter’s “invitation” to join back wasn’t welcoming in the slightest. It is very likely just an obligation as you said. Sort of “you gave us a chance, we owe you a chance too”.

And the problem with it is now I am struggling to figure out how the batch members might change their attitude toward Crosshair going forward, especially Hunter. As of right now Crosshair’s best relationship is not with his brothers but with Omega(as surprising as this is). And I think he does realize now she cared about him the most out of all of them during the short time they interacted(both 1st and last episodes). Even between themselves(not counting Omega) I find most of the bad batch members to be cold and distant to each other. They feel less like a family than Rebels for example. And they aren’t even a “found family”(a trope everyone loves) but an actual one! And I get that they’re soldiers and supposed to be tough, I don’t expect them to share all “the feels”. I just can’t put my finger on it but something feels off. I agree with your previous post, the show doesn’t do a very good job showing or even telling they love each other.

Will Hunter and co only start caring about their brother again only after he leaves the empire?(assuming he does at some point). What about Disney’s prevailing theme and message that “family always love and care for each other no matter what”? I guess it’s “family always love and care for each other but only if you’re good guys making right choices”. There is no room for mistakes or wrong decisions. In the last episode everyone form the batch seemed to have given up on Crosshair(besides Omega). For now their attitude seems to be just “you’re not our enemy” and that’s that.

I realize Crosshair is a “bad guy” and consciously made his choice(and we know it’s the wrong one) but to me it felt like he thought he didn’t even had a choice or rather became so lost and confused he actually thought he chose the empire as “the lesser evil”(as in the less shitty choice out of all the other bad ones). We as audience have the benefit to know exactly how atrocious the empire really is but maybe Crosshair still doesn’t realize that.

So what exactly must Crosshair do to get back “in their good graces” as you say? Start saving “the good guys”? Save the bad batch multiple times? There is a popular opinion on how Crosshair can redeem himself. That he eventually heroically sacrifices himself to save them. I personally REALLY hope it’s NOT what’s going to happen but I heard so many people speculating his story is set up to be redemption=death. I know you mentioned you don’t want “Vader style redemption” either. Personally I think it would be a waste of a character who has a lot of potential. And I just think that the batch kind of don’t really deserve his sacrifice(maybe save for Omega) after how they never tried to save him themselves and how they treated him overall. Maybe he will risk his life to save Omega at some point and that will “prove” to Hunter he cares? Although he has already shown he cares by saving her(even if in Crosshair’s own words it’s just so they’re “even”). And the thing is, he doesn’t need to prove that he loves them, he already did that in episode 15 and made it clear he does care. He actually went to extreme by shooting his squad to prove his loyalty. What were the moments the batch demonstrated they care about him? Hunter saying “you never were our enemy” and taking his unconscious body to safety? To me Hunter “not leaving him behind” during bombardment felt more like guilt about the last time it happened and an obligation to Crosshair for helping them with droids, rather than them showing care. And I kinda of think if that was any random civilian(or anyone other than an enemy or a threat) they would carry them out too just because that’s what good guys do and not because it’s their brother. You also mentioned that minutes later Hunter snaps at him with “if you want to stay here and die, that’s your choice” which I agree can be interpreted in different ways. And I think it’s one more point to it being an obligation that in Hunter’s eyes is fulfilled now. He corrected his mistake of leaving a brother behind and saved him this time, now his guilt won’t burden him any longer.

Anyway, I can’t wait for season 2 and I appreciate you and all the anons sharing the tinfoil hat, interacting and speculating together. Those discussions have been a lot of fun!

TLDR: How do your think the relationship between the brothers will mend or evolve in the next season? Do you think S2 will improve in portraying the batch more as a family rather than a group of mercs doing missions together? What are your thoughts on the popular idea of Crosshair’s redemption by ultimate sacrifice? As in, how likely do you think this scenario is?

Anon, that is just wonderfully hilarious to me. Ah yes, the sunrise, a good cup o' joe, and the overly long character analysis of a snarky, fictional sniper. Exactly what everyone needs in the morning! 😆

You know, TBB is far from the first show I've watched where there's an obvious, emotional conclusion the creator wants the audience to come to—the squad all love each other Very Much—yet that conclusion isn't always well supported by the text. It creates this horribly awkward situation where you're going, "Yes, I'm fully aware of what the show wanted to do, but this reading, arguably, did not end up in the story itself. So what are we talking about here? The intention, or the execution?" It's like Schrödinger's Bad Batch where the group is simultaneously Very Loving and Very Distant depending on how much meta-aspects are influencing your reading: those authorial intentions, understanding of how found family tropes should work, fluff focused fics/fan art that color our understanding of the characters, etc. And, of course, whether someone saw TCW before they watched TBB. I personally wouldn't go quite so far as to say they're "cold" towards one another—with Crosshair as an exception now—but there wasn't the level of bonding among the squad that I expected of a show called The Bad Batch. Especially compared to their arc in TCW. The other night I re-watched the season seven premiere and was struck not just by how much more the squad interacted with each other back then, but how those interactions added depth to their characters too. For example, Crosshair is the mean one, right? He's the one picking fights with the Regs? Well yeah... but it's also Wrecker. While they're trying to decide what to do with Cody injured, Jesse calls out Crosshair on his attitude—"You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!"—and Wrecker's immediate response is, "Says who?" and he hefts Jesse into the air. And then he just holds him there, clearly using his superior strength to do as he pleases, until Hunter (sounding pretty angry) tells him to put Jesse down. If Wrecker had put him into a more classically understood bullying position, like pinning him to the ground, it would probably read as less funny—less "Haha strong clone lifts Jesse up in the air!" and more "Oh shit, strong clone can do whatever the hell he wants to the Regs and few are able to stop him." It's such a quick moment, but it tells us a ton about Wrecker. That he's going to stick up for his brothers, no matter the context (Crosshair deserves to be called out). That he will gleefully assist Crosshair in bothering the Regs (something that is reinforced when he later throws the trays in the mess hall, after Hunter has already deescalated the situation). That he's likely been hurt by awful treatment from the Regs too. That he'll only listen to Hunter when it comes to backing off. Little of this work—that interplay among the squad that shows us new sides to them other than basic things like "Wrecker is the nice, happy brother"—exists in TBB.

Or, at least, little exists after Omega becomes an official member of the squad.

Because, as said previously, she becomes the focus. I don't mean that as a total criticism. As established, I love Omega. But if we're talking about why the squad can feel so distant from each other, I think she's the root cause, simply because the story became all about her relationships with the Batch, rather than the Batch's relationships with each other. Having dived headfirst into reading and writing fic, it occurred to me just how many of the bonding moments we love, the sort of stuff we'll see repeated in fics because we understand that this is where the story's emotional center is, are given to Omega in canon:

Someone is hurt and in need of comfort. Omega's emotional state is the focus + moments like her being worried over Hunter getting shot.

Someone needs to learn a new skill. Echo teaches Omega how to use her bow.

Someone reveals a skill they never knew they had before. Omega is a strategic genius and plays her last game with Hunter.

Someone is in serious danger and in need of rescue. Omega rescues the group from the slavers + is the most vocal about rescuing Hunter. (Which, again, is a pretty sharp contrast to the whole Crosshair situation.) Omega, in turn, needs rescuing from things like the decommission conveyor belt.

Similarly, someone is kidnapped and in need of rescue. Omega is kidnapped twice by bounty hunters and the Batch goes after her.

Someone saves another's life. Omega saves Crosshair from drowning.

Someone does something super sweet for another. Wrecker gives Omega her room. Omega gives Wrecker Lula.

A cute tradition is established between characters. Wrecker has his popcorn-esque candy sharing with Omega.

Someone hurts someone else and has to ask forgiveness. Wrecker is upset about nearly shooting Omega and they have that sweet moment together.

Note that most of these examples could have occurred between other Batch members, but didn't. Someone could have created a space for Echo on the ship too. Wrecker also could have apologized to Tech for choking him, etc. It's not that those moments shouldn't happen with Omega, just that there should be more of a balance across the whole season, especially for a show supposedly focused on the original squad. Additionally, it's not that cute bonding moments between the rest of the Batch don't exist. I love Hunter selling Echo off as a droid. I love Wrecker and Tech bickering while fixing the ship. I love the tug-of-war to save Wrecker from the sea monster. Yes, we do have moments... it's just that comparatively it feels pretty skewed in Omega's direction.

So, as a VERY long-winded way of answering your question, I think we need to fix the above in order to tackle Crosshair's redemption in season two. Now that we've had a full season focused on Omega, we need to strike a better balance among the rest of the squad moving forward. We need to re-established the "obvious" conclusion that the rest of the Batch loves Crosshair and that's done (in part) by establishing their love for one another too. To my mind, both goals go hand-in-hand, especially since you can develop their relationship with Crosshair and their relationships with each other simultaneously. Imagine if instead of just having Wrecker somewhat comically admit that he misses Crosshair (like he's dead and they can't go get him??), he and Tech had a serious conversation about why they can't get him back yet, despite very much wanting to. Imagine if Echo, the one who was rescued against all odds, got to scream at Hunter to go get Crosshair like Omega screamed at them to go back for Hunter. Imagine if we'd gotten more than a tiny arc in TCW to establish the Batch's dynamic with each other, providing a foundation for how they would each react to Crosshair's absence. Instead, what little we've got in TBB about Crosshair's relationship with his brothers is filtered through Omega: Omega's embarrassment that she knocked over Crosshair's case, Omega treating Crosshair's comm link like a toy, Omega's quest to save Hunter that just happened to involve Crosshair along the way.

Obviously, at this point we can't fix how the first season did things, but I think we can start patching over these issues in season two. It would be jarring—we'd still be 100% correct to ask where this "Brothers love you, support you, and will endlessly fight for you" theme was for Crosshair's entire time under the Empire's thumb... but I'd take an about-face into something better than not getting any improvement at all. It is frustrating though, especially for a show that I otherwise really, really enjoyed. For me, the issue isn't so much that the show made a mistake (since no show is perfect), but that the mistake is attached to such a foundational part of the franchise. Not just in terms of "SW is about hope and forgiveness" but the specific relationship most clones have with each other: a willingness to go above and beyond for their brothers. The focus on Omega aside, it's hard to believe in the family dynamic when one member of the family was so quickly and easily dismissed. I couldn't get invested in Hunter's rescue as much as I should have because rather than going, "Yes!! Save your brother!!!" my brain just kept going, "Lol where was this energy for Crosshair?" It messes with your reading of the whole story, so in order to fix that mistake going forward, we need to start seeing the bonds that only sometimes exist in season one. Show the guys expressing love for one another more consistently (in whatever way that might be—as you say, soldiers don't have to be all touchy-feely. Give us more moments like Wrecker supporting his brothers' bad habits) and then extend that to Crosshair. Which brother is going to demand that they fight for him? Which brother is going to acknowledge that they never tried to save him? Which brother is going to question this iffy statement about the chip? In order to buy into the family theme, Omega can't be the only one doing that emotional work.

Ideally, I wouldn't want Crosshair to go out of his way to prove that he's a good guy now. I mean, I obviously want him to stop helping the Empire and such, duh lol, but I'm personally not looking for a bunch of Extra Good Things directed at the Batch as a requirement for forgiveness. Simply because that would reinforce the idea that they're 100% Crosshair's victims, Crosshair is 100% the bad guy, and he's the only one who needs to do any work to fix this situation. Crosshair needs to stop doing bad things (working for Empire). But the Batch needs to start doing good things too (reaching out to him). Especially since Crosshair made a good play already, only to be met with glares and distrust. He saved Omega! And AZI! And none of them cared. So am I (is Crosshair) supposed to believe that saving one of their lives again will result in a different reaction? That doesn't make much sense. And no, his own life wasn't at risk when he did that, but does every antagonist need to die/nearly die to prove they're worth fighting for? As you say, he's already shown that he loves them, far more than they've shown the reverse. Every time Crosshair hurt them (attacking) it was while he was under the chip's influence. In contrast, the group has no "I was being controlled" excuse for when they hurt him (abandonment). Season two needs to acknowledge the Batch's responsibility in all this—and acknowledge that they're all victims of the Empire—in order to figure out an appropriate arc for Crosshair's redemption.

Right now, the issue is not Crosshair loving his brothers, the issue is how Crosshair chooses to express that love: trying to keep them safe and giving them a purpose in life by joining the organization that's clearly going to dominate the galaxy. The only way to fix that, now that his offer has been rejected, is for him to realize that a life on the run from the Empire, together, is a better option for everyone. And the only way for that to happen is for the Batch to seriously offer him a place with them again. They need to make the first move here. They need to fight for him. And yeah, I totally get that a lot of people don't like that because it's not "fair." He's the bad guy. He's with the fascist allegory. He's killed people and has therefore lost any right to compassion and effort from the good guys... but if that's the case, then we just have to accept that (within the story-world, not from a writing perspective) Crosshair is unlikely to ever come back from this. When people reach that kind of low, they rarely pull themselves out on their own. They need other people to help them do that. Help them a lot. But with the exception of Omega's reminder—which Crosshair can't believe due to how everyone else has treated him—they leave him alone and seem to expect him to fix himself first, then he gets their support. It needs to be the other way around. Support is what would allow him to become a good guy again, not "Well, you'll get our love when you're good again, not before." That's unlikely to occur and, as discussed, it doesn't take into account things like this bad guy life being forced on Crosshair at the start. If the story really wanted this to be a matter of ideological differences... then make it about ideological differences. Let Crosshair leave of his own free will, right at the start. Don't enslave him for half the season, have him realize he was abandoned, imply all that brainwashing, give him no realistic way out, and then punish him for not doing the right thing. This isn't a situation where someone went bad for the hell of it—the story isn't asking us to feel compassion for, say, the Admiral—it's a situation where Crosshair was controlled and now can't see a way out. That context allows for the Batch, the good guys, to fight for him without the audience thinking the show is just excusing that behavior. They should have been fighting from the start, but since they didn't, I hope we at least start seeing that in season two.

Ultimately though... I don't really expect all of the above. The more balanced dynamics and having the Batch fight for Crosshair rather than Crosshair going it alone... I wouldn't want to bet any money on us getting it, just because these are things that should have been established in season one and would have been more easy to pull off in season one. (If the Batch wouldn't fight for Crosshair while he was literally under the Empire's control, why would they fight now when he's supposedly acting of his own free will? It's backwards in terms of the emotional effort involved.) But again, it could happen! I'd be very pleased if it did happen, despite the jarring change. I don't want to make it sound like I think they're going to write off Crosshair entirely. Far from it, I think there are too many details like his sad looks for that, to say nothing of Omega's compassion. But the execution of getting him on Team Good Guys again might be preeeetty bumpy. I expect it to revolve around Crosshair's sins and Crosshair's redemption, even if what I would like is balancing that with Crosshair's loss of agency, the Batch's mistakes, and their own redemption towards him.

Honestly though, I just hope that whatever happens happens soon. It's a personal preference, absolutely, but after a season of Crosshair as the antagonist, I'm ready for him to be back with the group, making the Empire (and bounty hunters) the primary enemy. Whether his return happens through a mutual acknowledgement of mistakes, or through Crosshair being depicted as the only one in the wrong who has to do something big to be forgiven... just get him back with the squad lol. Because if the writing isn't going to delve into that nuance, then the longer he remains unforgiven, the longer some of us have to watch a series while going, "Wait, wait, wait, I really don't agree with how you're painting this picture."