#yes i will be shoehorning my fan kid any chance i have

[ssilverscale]

Day 1: Food

They are making mochi :]

[sanstropfremir]

by request, the first post-kingdom stage roundup! this one is a best to worst by group!

some introductory notes:

i’m not going to be ranking the 100sec stages in here because they are too different of a scale. but i will be talking about them as a part of the process. i’m not going to be including the team stages here either, since i talked about them in my episode seven and eight reviews and i do think they stand separately from the individual group stages, because we don’t know who the creative teams were behind them. this is not meant to be an overall best of all the performances, i’m intending this more to be a look each of the groups’ stages overall; seeing how they adapted and improved and how effective the trajectory of their journey as a whole was. also, a very important definition to make right at the start so i don't have to explain it every time: by ‘worst’ i do not mean the stage was actually bad. by ‘worst’ i literally mean ‘not the best.’ if i break it down, i’m ranking these by ‘most amount of successful components’ to ‘least amount of successful components.’ there were no stages that were actually bad or unwatchable; they were all successful in one way or another, but some of them more so. i’m ordering these in my own personal ranking of reverse who did the best overall, which obviously is not how the actual show rankings went down, but we all know my thoughts on the official rankings.

in case you want to catch up and read my more in depth thoughts, here’s all of my episode reviews: one, two (with added tbz costume breakdown), three, four, five, seven, eight, nine, ten! oh and also here’s my very first review of the dance solo performance film, since i’m also going to be referencing this a bit.

tbz

monster - the least involved with their overarching story concept and it’s stylistically the most interesting because it’s a departure from the glittery royalty concept we have primarily seen them in. it also helps that it’s a great song that they did a relatively good cover of.

kingdom come - the solidity of the choreo is the thing that puts this stage up here, because it’s some of their best. and it’s not as explicitly reliant on the game of thrones theme as their other stages.

o sole mio - this has real potential as a good small concept vaudeville themed stage; it starts off really strong and then they blow it by shoehorning in the unnecessary lore.

no air - they tried to start off with a big conceptual bang in the first round with a semi-explicit narrative, but it relies entirely too much on the viewers knowing the references for it to make any sense.

to be honest, i’m not that surprised about how tbz constructed their stages and how they turned out. i know a lot of people have been disappointed with how lackluster their stages have felt in comparison to their rtk ones, and i think that’s fair because i agree, i don’t think they ever captured the same energy they did for danger or for shangri-la. if you’ve been following along (or have just read all my reviews now) than you know most of my complaints about how tbz have been working with their lore and concepts, so i won’t rehash them here. but i do think it’s warranted to point out that theoretically, being first in rtk would logistically put you at the bottom of the initial ranking for kingdom. i know they’re not technically the youngest group, but in the execution of their stages in comparison, it does make sense to me that they come out looking as the most inexperienced group. even though they were intending to have a similar overarching story like they did on rtk, it was not at all very fleshed out and there wasn’t a strong enough connection between that story, the themes of their stages, and the narrative shapes of those stages. which is a shame because they are not unskilled performers, and they have the most members of all of the groups on the show, so they had a lot of opportunity to be doing interesting choreo and blocking work that never seemed to materialize. i also think they never truly got used to the size of the stage in comparison to the rtk stage, and they were always struggling to fill it in an intentional way. they tried valiantly to recoup their ground and bring everything together in a full circle for their last stage, and even though they somehow came in second, i think by the finale they had been worn down and lost a lot of their steam. it also doesn’t help that they lost a member to injury right near the end, which can be very demotivating, especially for a young group.

skz

god’s ddu du ddu du - the most stylistically different and interesting of the bunch, with a lot of interesting elements and well designed movement, even if the overall arc was half baked and lackluster

i’ll be your man - this was an actual attempt at a departure from their normal bluster and even though it never makes it all the way there and they don’t do that great of a cover, it’s different enough.

wolfgang - although watchable for hilarity and/or cringe value, nothing about this stage demonstrates a significant amount of growth from the first one. it fact it just feels like they injected a load more money and time into the premise of their 100sec stage, without any of the reflection that this kind of circular final stage concept should have. it’s exactly the stage of a group that’s been propelled to first in every round through an artificially inflated system.

god’s menu/side effects - the most scattered of all their stages. there’s not quite enough material to tie everything together and it feels underformed.

we all knew what the outcome of the show was going to be the moment that very first round of fan voting came in. now i don’t actually care about final outcome of the show, because the most valuable experience of a show like this is learning from what your competitors around you are doing and how to improve your work for further rounds. if the ranking system had been solely expert + judges based, all of the weekly rankings would have looked a lot different and skz would have actually had a chance to grow from this experience. but because they have the biggest and most aggressive fandom, their stages constantly ended up in first place and they never actually had the opportunity to sit back and reflect on their performances to figure out how they can do better. because the truth of the matter is that they did not have the best performances on the show. they consistently made stylistically stagnant stages and never managed to correct any of the issues that have been plaguing them since the 100sec round. the closest they got was god’s ddu du ddu du, which was aesthetically the most different and had the most interesting subversions of the stage format, even if it ultimately fell flat because they still missed the mark on managing the shape of the narrative. if you watch all their stages back to back you’ll see that there’s an overreliance on the same types of stylistic decisions and thematic elements, including in the sound and feel of the work. this is a bit hard to explain, but even though the stages all look different, they don’t convey any nuanced emotion or intention other than ‘stray kids world domination.’ now nuanced intention is not necessary for a kpop song performance, but skz took it upon themselves to try and tackle some fairly complex thematic ideas, which is commendable, but they fall flat because the members themselves don’t know how to act. and acting is supremely important when you are doing themed stages. i talked about this same principle in this response about orange caramel and wjsn chocome, but most newer idols don’t approach performing as a character, they approach performing as themselves, and skz are big victims of this. that’s why even i’ll be your man, where they do actually attempt to be a bit more nuanced in their delivery, still comes off like all their other stages. they don’t ever push themselves beyond their performance boundaries (physically yes, obviously. i mean mentally) and so every stage has a little checklist of skz-specific personality traits that round out in the bigger picture to the same general feel. this kind of strategy works great for music shows and for general promotion because it’s super marketable, but in this particular setting, where we spend an extended amount of time with all the groups, it doesn’t facilitate the same amount of growth that letting those of personas go would.

ikon

at ease - really clear cumulation of their performance, group colour, and design elements over the entire show.

classy savage - well designed and decorated with an interesting concept, but has a few flaws that keep it from being their best work.

inception - again, very well designed; the set is so inventive and features a lot of carefully blocked movement, plus the colour palette is tight and used effectively, it just doesn’t reach the same scale as the latter two stages.

love scenario/killing me - it’s the first stage and it clearly suffers from a bit of underd evelopment as they were getting used to the format of the show. it’s still an interesting and well performed stage with the start of elements that we can see them develop further in the next rounds.

ikon had the most lackadaisical attitude toward the whole show, which i think was the best way to approach it, but also they didn’t really push much beyond their boundaries as performers. i’m not faulting them for not wanting to, they’re a very well established group and honestly don’t really need improve on anything. they did however, do a really great job of improving on their design quality and intergration after the first round, which is the one thing that this program definitely facilitates for. they’re also the only group where their finale stage was demonstrably their best stage, so they really did nail that slow improvement progression. they got what they wanted out of the show, which was new friends and a chance to make some fun stages that they wouldn’t have otherwise been able to. like i think i’ve said in every other review, there’s not that much to say about them as a whole because they just put their noses to the grindstone and did the work while maintaining a chill and fun demeanour, and those efforts paid off even if they didn’t end up ranking very high.

sf9

the stealer - great integration of theme into narrative and design, small scale concept with big impact.

believer - smart use of camera work and choreography in conjunction with the design elements. although not very narrative focused, it’s a clear and thoughtful elaboration on their intro stage that’s very well executed.

move - a risky choice that pays off fairly well for them, even if it doesn’t capture all the depth that it could have.

jealous - it’s their first stage of the competition and the first time they had worked on something of this scale before, so it only makes sense that it’s the weakest of their run. despite that, it shows a strong understanding of an unusual concept and it still holds up.

sf9 were the clear underdogs of everyone and the rankings pretty clearly reflected that. but as a group they really put in the work to improve their skills and i think they showed the most dramatic improvement of everyone, especially between the first and second rounds. they repeatedly made comments about how they were focused on creating good stages and it paid off. their stages were all conceptually and visually interesting without relying on much external lore or overly dense themes, even if some of them were more effective than others. they had a lot of strong emphasis on costume in particular and they were very well styled. their finale stage was a very clear synthesis of all of the experience and knowledge they gained over the course of the show and it wraps a neat aesthetic and thematic bow on their journey. they absolutely did not deserve last place; they were the ones hardest hit by the fan voting system and i hope that the group doesn’t internalize the official outcome too much, because they did a lot of good work that they should be proud of and deserves a higher due than it was given.

ateez

rhythm ta - simple concept with a clear narrative that uses a lot of visual referencing as exposition without being cluttered and too reliant on the source material. impeccable use of limited design elements to create atmosphere and it’s a strong reinvention of the song.

wonderland - an absolute banger of a first stage that does all the same things as rhythm ta just to a slightly less polished scale.

ode to joy - both stylistically and tonally a departure, this stage relies a lot on group lore but also has a very clear message that was surprising for its maturity and temerity.

the real - purposefully pulled back in scale and ambition as a pointed critique of the competition as a whole. looser in design aesthetic synthesis but has more freedom for the members to show more dynamism in the group’s abilities and colour.

the youngest of the six groups, i don’t think anyone was expecting ateez to come out swinging in the way that they did. oh, we were all expecting them to put up a fight, but i know that i wasn’t expecting much beyond the capabilities of what we’d seen from skz and tbz, since they all share the dubious honour of being similar aesthetic performance based fourth gen groups. but oh baby did they prove us all wrong. the fact that they have incredible performance abilities and stage presence is what carried them half of the way, but they also proved to have a top notch creative team working behind them that knew how to visually craft a great performance. wonderland and rhythm ta are two of the smartest designed stages, and i’d put rhythm ta as the best designed stage, because it does so much in such a small amount of time. this ranking was tough because all of their stages intentionally prove a point and i dont think there are any that are demonstrably weaker. wonderland and rhythm ta served to prove that they had the capacity to keep up with their seniors, and that they were ambitious and hungry and had a solid team foundation. both stages ranked them first in non-fan judging and once they saw how the fan judging skews the final results, they smartly and ambitiously made a choice in the round BEFORE the finale to make a stage that rebuffs the laurels of the competition show they were at the pinnacle of, specifically for their fans. there is so much care and thought put into the ode to joy stage that it feels wrong to rank it as their third best, especially when it also contains one of the greatest 40 seconds of acting i’ve ever seen on a kpop stage. just the dichotomy of the stage’s melancholy feel with the choice of song is so compelling, and in its context as a part of the whole now the show is over.... i’m out of words. the brain on the person who came up with this, i would LOVE to talk to them. and having the real as a followup stage? where they have the freedom to have fun and be stylistically themselves while thumbing their noses at the show? a perfect follow up and rounding out of the expression of their abilities.

btob

back door - perfect. simple concept and simple narrative extremely well executed. excellent attention to detail and atmosphere.

show and prove - perfect reflection of their journey on the show as a whole.

blue moon - same as back door, just with a slightly larger scale.

missing you - only last because it doesn’t have the same strength of narrative and design concept as the other three stages. it’s still a better stage than 80% of the stages on the show.

we all know this, but btob are the real kings. all of their stages were phenomenal and they all hit my personal top ten, so this ranking is more of a ‘which stage was the best of the best.’ they did an incredible job of playing to their strengths and they knew exactly what they needed to do in order to craft the best performance. this was actually very difficult for me to decide because they never fucking missed. watching missing you for the first time in like two months smacked me right upside the head because that stage is beautiful. the intro in the forest with changsub and eunkwang is fucking gorgeous; the lighting and atmospherics are so effective and the trees do an incredible job of obscuring the stage architecture. and their costumes. this stage screams elegance in a way that no other stage managed to capture and this was the first round. and i’m putting last on this list, which should be telling about the quality of their work. and honestly it only goes up from here. they took that one maybe valid expert critique that they got of utilizing more narrative and they RAN with it. i put back door as first because it juuuuust inches out blue moon and show and prove for smart camera work, but honestly all three of these stages could take top spot, they’re of equal rank.

btob came into this show at a pretty distinct disadvantage: they’re old, and there’s only four of them. and as we know, thanks to rtk and the fourth gen groups, this show has a reputation for big acrobatic blowout spectacles, which is just not something they can do. but they also had a distinct advantage: they’re old and there’s only four of them. they very smartly foresaw that they wouldn’t be able to compete with the fourth gen groups in athletic ability, so they specifically chose to highlight the areas they were the strongest in, which you can see right from the start. their intro stage specifically highlights their vocals, and even in minhyuk’s dance solo the design is music show themed, as a gentle reminder that they know how to work a stage. and as the show progressed they started to solidify that assumption. they used narrative extremely well to give their stages an element of emotional investment that kept the audience engaged without banking on individual idols’ popularity to keep them afloat, and spent their time on the show being gracious and generous competitors, intent on being as watchable offstage as they were on. and it worked. by the time the finale rolled around, we knew who these men were and we had seen them be individuals, so they were able to cast off the need to play to narrative and to character and instead they were able to loop back around to that very first stage; simple, clean, emphasis on vocals, with a very important addition of uniformity. the current trend in kpop costuming is to have group members dressed similarly, but not exactly the same, partially in order to be able to everyone apart, but also because the ‘sameness’ of the boy band model has fallen by the wayside. btob took all their previous stages where they had clearly been individuals and as the culmination of their journey they chose to look exactly the same, to clearly send a message that they are a singular unit and they are proud of that. and they absolutely stuck the landing. this was a perfect run for btob, they should be really fucking proud of the work they did.

[transformersvn]

Thoughts on Transformers: War For Cybertron - Earthrise

My thoughts on this are less cohesive than last time, so I hope you're ready for a long ramble as I try to figure out exactly what I think about the series.

Tl;dr - still looks really pretty, but Siege’s weak writing hasn't improved.

Spoilers below the cut.

Earthrise generally suffers from being part 2 of 3. It's focused on getting characters from point A (Cybertron) to point B (Earth) and doesn't really do much in the meantime. You could've cut episodes 4 and 5 and it wouldn't have affected the plot all that much.

Megatron and Optimus

They need to stop having fights. It'd be best for their characters and the plot if they hadn't spent several minutes pointing guns at each other and saying that *this* time they were actually going to kill them. Just follow through already and if you can't then keep them apart until the climax.

Optimus getting distracted by Cog running up and going 'Optimus! What are you doing?!' was stupid. Cog should've been glad that Optimus was finally at the point where he wouldn't sacrifice every last Autobot to save Megatron if given the opportunity.

Them being trapped together was pointless and stupid (aside from that one screenshot we all made). Megatron's point that Optimus keeps screwing up and it's Megatron who pays the price was interesting - but it was surrounded by so much nonsense that it fell flat.

Speaking of…

Autobot Decepticon teamups

Are they trying to lean towards ending the series with mutual cooperation and peace? Their 'we all need to work together' moments were always horribly shoehorned and the Autobots didn't once try to put measures in place to defend themselves when the Decepticons inevitably betrayed them.

I like hero/villain teamups, but it doesn't work if the heroes are stupid about them.

Scorponok fight

There is a big room with a big enemy in. The Autobots have shut themselves in a corridor on one side of the room. They need to reach the other side of the room without getting killed. Whose idea was it to try and kill Scorponok instead of just evasive maneuvers to the other side of the room?!?

To be fair, Optimus did try and run distraction, but Bumblebee decided that was a stupid plan and standing still and shooting at the enemy - that none of their blasters had even scratched - was a better one.

It was a stupid fight. If they wanted a Megatron/Optimus moment so badly then, hey, the Autobots have rigged the station to blow and the Decepticons don't know that - have Megatron set off an explosion by accident and trap him and Optimus (who could've been diving forward to try and stop Megatron, thereby getting close).

The Dead Universe

You could've replaced this with Optimus getting a vision from the Matrix and Megatron having a short visit from future!Galvatron. It wasted time that could've been spent on actual character development.

Skylynx had about 3 lines that he just repeated variants of the whole episode.

Was it clear to anyone who hadn't seen the 1986 movie exactly what the Megatron/Galvatron link was? They were pretty vague about it.

Also, if Skylynx's advice made Optimus go 'hmm, yes, I should stop looking back and actually kill Megatron to prevent my own death', then Galvatron's advice to Megatron should've made him go 'I don't hate Prime this much/if he’s dedicated all his effort into stopping Prime and still failed, there must be another way'. I suppose, he didn’t kill Optimus when given a perfect opportunity, but that also just felt like an extension of their endless *points gun* “one-liner” *tables are turned* cycle.

Elita

Poor, poor, badly written Elita. She can't get anything done without Jetfire - the big strong man - questioning her or being the one to save the day, or making a desperate plan to try and fight their way out of captivity when they're going to be sacrificed, but we never see their escape attempt.

I don't think she acts like someone who is on a doomed planet. Breaking into prisons camps makes less sense than trying to find a way to fix things. Let her fail, fine, but give her a fighting chance to try and reignite Cybertron or, say, find someone who is rumoured to be able to create synthetic energon - which could've been a reason for prison breaks at least.

And it was probably meant to be read differently, but Elita's silence over her name when Megatron called her Ariel to her face, versus Optimus snarling that ‘her name is Elita-1!′ when Megatron used 'Ariel' around him, kinda makes me wonder whose decision it was to rename her.

Cog

They don't get to make me sad about a character death when that character had previously stopped Optimus from finally trying to kill Megatron and also failed to just bloody shoot Deeceus. And had he really taken the enemy ship? Really?

Misc

We never found out why the station was trapped halfway through the Spacebridge.

Optimus's voice actor still sounds like a bad Batman when he's angry, though he might've gotten away with it if Megatron's voice actor didn't have such a good "Prime" snarl.

Everyone is miserable, which isn't necessarily a bad thing in a series about the struggles of war, but when it's aimed at kids you have to ask the question: are they enjoying it? It is fun to watch?

Ultra Magnus's head was sort of flagged up as important - specifically its location was noted by Elita - but never appeared again once Megatron left Cybertron. Did he take it with him?

For having such a hard-on for the 1986 movie, their decision to have Megatron beg for mercy (something quite out of character for this version of Megatron) and not include Optimus's 'you who are without mercy now plead for it?' line was a weird whiplashy moment.

Showing Glavatron and Unicron in the trailer when they literally appear for one episode and five second respectively was seriously false advertising. When did people forget that watching a trailer is supposed to give you an idea of the type/style of plot the media is supposed to deliver?

The editing is bad in several places. There were often moments where there would be an explosion in place A, then it'd cut to a battered character in place B getting up in a ruined room, making it look like they'd been in said explosion. Confusing in a series where palette-swapping and similar character designs already make it difficult for newcomers to tell what's going on.

The velociraptor-bot at the end looked like 90's CGI and I really hope Kingdom doesn't all look like that.

If Hot Rod doesn't show up and get the Matrix in Kingdom I'm going to be severely disappointed.

Starscream really likes speechifying to a tiny audience. He makes his bid to become leader in front of a nameless Decepticon, Soundwave, Ravage, and an injured Megatron - who promptly shoots him. I have to admit that he’s probably the character they did best by, his coup moments were pretty good and captured Starscream as we all know him.

Like the question of what exactly was under siege in Siege, Earthrise only gets to Earth at the end of the last episode.

Wheeljack felt weirdly useless. He didn’t get to go through with his plan of blowing up the station and couldn’t open a pair of blast doors that Soundwave had 0 problems with. After not being the one to fix the Spacebridge in Siege, he’s not feeling much like an engineer.

You had to guess motivations and plans and fairly often piece things together backwards after the fact. Having an idea of who everyone was made that easier for me than for non-fans, but I still ended up running on incorrect assumptions about what people were going to do and why.

...

So, there you go. I guess I’m still going to watch Kingdom when it comes out, but I think I’ve lost all my optimism for it being any good.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 1/2)

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Hey, do you miss Gravity Falls?

...

Yeah, I know, dumb question. Which is why I have good news! Not only is there a new series that is just as good as Gravity Falls, but in some ways, it's even better. That new series would be none other than Disney Channel's latest hit: The Owl House.

The Owl House, slowly but surely, became my new obsession since Eda reacted to decapitation with an unconcerned, "I hate when that happens." I wrote fan-fiction, made fan-art, and even began to separately review new episodes. Unfortunately, I got in a little late in the reviewing game and only managed to analyze the last four episodes of season one. And like an idiot, I promised that I'll review the rest when they came out on Disney+. Seeing that all of the first season has finally come on a legal streaming service (which means WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!), it's time I finally saw through to that promise. However, I'm not going to over-analyze each episode because that would be insane. So instead, we're going to lightning round these suckers. Because it's my Tumblr, and I get to decide what I review and how the hell I review it...hooah.

Which means this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen The Owl House yet. Seriously, it's a great show, and you can catch up right now on Disney+. A week-long trial is more than enough time to watch the series, so DO IT! With that out of the way, let's get started with:

“A Lying Witch and a Warden”: This episode gets a lot of flack for having poor pacing and being too preachy with its message. And to that, I say...you're not wrong. Yeah, I wish I could be that person who can defend this episode against criticism like that, but these are understandable problems that just left this icky feeling in my tum-tum when watching. But that's only when looking at it as a regular old episode when in reality, people need to see it as a first episode. The first episode in any show needs to get viewers interested enough to continue watching by answering these five essential questions: What's the plot of the show? What's the tone? Who are the main characters? What's the world they live in? And what are the rules of the same world? "A Lying Witch and a Warden" does a great job of answering all of these questions. And if you stuck around until the season finale, then that means it did a great job of keeping you interested in sticking around as well. So seeing how it got its job done, albeit, with mixed results, I give this episode a B-.

“Witches Before Wizards”: Don't mind me. Just reveling in the fact that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Because that's what this episode is in a nutshell. Through the "quest" that Luz goes on, she learns two important lessons: One, don't trust strangers who offer you something nice and shiny (bonus points for Eda warning Luz to avoid men with sandals and then have Ategast wear sandals). And two, there is no such thing as having a predetermined destiny. I love the idea that Luz coming to the Isles was just a twist of fate, and everything that happens afterward is pure dumb luck. And that moment when Eda gave a speech about making your own path instead of waiting to become something special? That was the moment when I went from thinking this was going to be a fun show to thinking it's going to be a great show. So consider this episode a solid A in my book.

“I Was a Teenage Abomination”: How is it possible for an episode to get better and worse with time? Because here's the thing: This episode does a great job of showing how perfect Amity's development is. After one single season, it already feels jarring, seeing the way she acts in certain scenes. However, in that same respect, it's the same reason why this episode got worse. I didn't mind that Willow practically got away with cheating and vandalizing the school with her magic because she and Luz were basically trying to show up a two-dimensional bully. But knowing what we know in the future, it does seem unfair that Amity gets punished for their bad behavior and Willow got little consequences for it. Sure, Luz got banned and had to work at gaining Amity's trust, but what about Willow? Although, despite this complaint, I don't really hate this episode. It builds a believable connection between Luz and her friends, and the B-plot King and Eda show off their budding friendship. So while this episode is a C-, it's a somewhat enjoyable C-.

“The Intruder”: Is it weird for anyone else that King gets most of the blame in this episode? Yes, he took the potion, but Luz was the one who kept pushing him. This is why it never sat right with me seeing how everyone, including himself, blames King for this episode's incident. That being said, "The Intruder" is fantastic. Eda, as the Owl Beast, is legitimately threatening, and the way the episode treats Eda's curse like a chronic illness is actually kind of sweet. It teaches kids how this is something that just happens to people, and they're not any weaker because of it, as long as they take the right steps. Which is cool, and it's why this is another solid A episode for me. Sure King getting the blame bothers me, but it pales in comparison to everything else “The Intruder” does right.

“Covention”: If you want my personal opinion (obviously, seeing how you're reading this), "Covention" is the perfect episode to show a friend to get them into watching the The Owl House. Everything there is to love about the show is seen in just these twenty-two minutes. Eda being a chaotic good, Luz being a sweet and understanding character, some incredible/natural world-building, an actually decent B-plot, an epic fight scene, great comedy, and, my personal favorite, the building of Luz and Amity's relationship. In fact, this episode has the most quintessential moment between these two, that Dana Terrace herself took charge of making the animatic for it. A scene that is so perfect that you can do an analysis of these few minutes alone...which is what I did. Click here to read it! "Covention" gets an A+ in my book and might possibly be the best episode of the season. Maybe even the series!

“Hooty’s Moving Hassle”: There's not really a lot I can say about this episode. I don't hate it, but I'm not exactly in love with it. The interactions between Luz and her friends are adorable, and there are a few good jokes that kept me laughing. But the story is kind of bland, and I just find Eda's sudden obsession with Hexes Hold'em kind of odd. Especially since a card game is what nearly defeated the "undefeatable" Owl Lady. If it wasn't for the nice reveal of Willow's and Amity's friendship (which comes into play in a far better episode), I'd say that you could skip this one on future rewatches. Because this is a C grade episode that just doesn't grab me as well as others.

“Lost in Language”: Ah, yes. The episode that made dozens of fans jump aboard the Lumity ship...unless you're like me, and you've been shipping these two since the show's theme song (And I don't know why, either. It's just the second I saw Amity my first thought was, "Oh, honey. You're gonna fall in love with the main character, aren't you?" AND I WAS F**KING RIGHT!). But jokes about shipping aside, "Lost in Language" is a fantastic episode. It has a great lesson about how people are more complex than their first impressions (Or to not judge a book by its cover, if you wanna stay on theme). Edric and Emira seem like a chaotic duo who cause mischief all for good fun. But Luz, as well as the audience, learns that Ed and Em are kinda the worst (they get better in future episodes, but still). Then there's Amity, who hasn't had the best first impressions in the last few episodes. We got glimpses of a good person here and there, but for the most part, that's all they were. Glimpses. Then there's this episode, which gives us more than a small look, but some actual insight into who Amity really is. Better yet, who she wants to be. It's something that I appreciate about The Owl House in that it wastes no time in developing Amity's character. So much so that I can forgive this episode for shoehorning a "Two idiots and a baby" plotline that does nothing but add maybe two minutes of padding. So yeah, it's an A+ for sure.

“Once Upon a Swap”: "Ugh! It's the body swap episode! How cliche and-" SHUT UP! Shut your mouth, and listen: Something being cliche does not always make it bad. Only when the cliche fails to tell an entertaining story does it have the right to work as a complaint. "Once Upon a Swap" may have a cliche premise, but it's still an enjoyable story (or stories) with great laughs and even some ok lessons. I can understand if you hate the episode because its premise is something you've seen a dozen times to the point where your sick of it. My most hated story idea is the "Character A saves Character B, and Character B becomes a life slave." If you have seen this story once, you've seen it a thousand times, and it's the same case with a "body swap" episode. But guess what: The Owl House is a kids' show. Kids'. Show. You can complain all you want about predictability, but kids are the type of viewers who will be new to this experience, despite if it's one that is done to death. Which is why this is solid B of an episode if you ask me.

“Something Ventured, Someone Framed”: Can people please stop shipping Gus with Mattholomule? Because that slimy, greasy, weaselly little son of A BASTARD BITCH WEASEL DOES NOT DESERVE LOVE IN WAY POSSIBLE!

...

But enough about how Mattholomule is the worst character ever, because "Something Ventured, Someone Framed" is a B+ in my opinion. Sure it shows the worst side of Gus and lets Satan's little herpe win in the end, but there is still quality to be had. We get insight into who Gus is as a character, on top of Eda swallowing her pride and cleaning the school so Luz can get into Hexide. Also, Eda's permanent record was the first time this show brought me to tears due to laughing so hard. So while I have to take points off for the inclusion of Mattholomule (I don't make the rules. I just live by them), this is still an episode I wouldn't mind revisiting.

“Escape of the Palisman”: I subscribe to this theory that Luz will one day have Eda's staff as her own. And episodes like this that strengthen the bond between Luz and Owlbert help confirm that theory. Luz's dedication to trying to make things right could just be part of her kind nature, but I like to believe that this is Dana and the crew trying to set up this possible outcome. As for what I think about the episode itself...it's ok. Again, Luz's dedication is nice to see, and King's adventure with Owl Beast Eda is somehow insanely adorable, but there's not really much to say other than that. So it's another B episode for me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that’s the end of part one! Part two has probably already been posted by the time you finish this, so you can go ahead and find that if you’re interested.

[pairup-squareup]

tharntype special magical super duper final ep 13 thoughts

small gripe first of all

- coulda done without that lhong scene tbh. seems wildly out of character for thorn to let someone he knows spent years abusing his brother, and who orchestrated the gang rape of a teenager just get a little forgiveness

lhong’s ‘i’ve been suffering for three years....’ boo-fuckin-hoo, mate, your victims are going to be dealing with the impact of your abuse for the rest of their lives.

CONTENNNNT

first things first, i fucking loved this. it wasn’t remotely what i expected and that’s ok, because what it was, was for the most part, outstanding

obviously for the fans, but, aside from the phenomenal pet play scene, it wasn’t shoehorned in fanservice. it kept the plot, the characterisation, the clarity of the story in tact.

love that it opens with what is essentially the ‘tharntype series greatest hits’. sets the mood, reminds you of the massive character arcs and growth they both undergo.

and reignites my deeply held type issues, bastard man that he is. i continue to love and be infuriated by him, and its great.

the soccer field moment where type is like ‘his money is my money’ is stupendous. as is tharn’s ‘daddy long dick just got back to LA’ style entrance, combined with his dorky little hand wave. i love tharn.

the whole episode was excellent. i love love love seeing chilled out, accepting, smug Type. to think about the way he has healed, and the good he has done for Tharn, for Tar and for the gaggle of gay kids that love by chance tells the story of.

he really became a good man. he’ll always be an abrasive dickhead but the rage and the fear that used to make him unbearable, and horrible is all gone. the pain is managed. he’s good.

tharn, sweetheart, my love. he’s just smitten. 

here is an issue i had that isn’t a gripe. i wanted tharn to face a lot less micro and also macro aggressions in this. type loves tharn, and that’s good, that’s great, but idk. as a queer person watching this, i wanted something a little more positive for tharn from type’s parents. i wanted people to see his value, his beauty, but also that he is gay, that’s not a negotiable part of him, and it’s as important as his family name or good looks or intelligence.

tharn is and has always been proud to be gay. i would have liked the show to showcase that pride a bit more.

BUT SPEAKING OF BEING UNASHAMEDLY  GAY

hell yes, type’s apology to kon. owning his homophobia, specifically apologising for insults and slurs, trying to imagine what it must have been like for him. admitting that he’s not fully over his own bigoted views but that he’s trying. it was a genuine apology, that got a bit softened at the end, but it doesn’t take away from it’s core though.

lmao @ kon’s wistful ‘i should be thanking you, my first love’

type: catnip for gay men with self value issues.

this is getting too long, so i will sum up

+ type being consistently united with tharn in public spaces

- any time this show makes me acknowledge tum, tbh

+ the affection. just the continual love and need to connect physically with one another

- not enough techno. i love techno. he deserves so much for being there during type’s...everything

+ the sex. not just that it was hot, and tender, but that it was so familiar. this is how the audience knows its about commitment and years long love. they just know each others bodies. they can make dumb jokes with the cat and dog ears. 

- it is a crime they did not show us what else tharn has in that sex box

+ Type screaming ‘run’ rather then lie to his dad about being a top. phenomenal.

- i really wish type’s dad had come around a little, just verbally. it would have improved the show immensely for me.

+ cinematography. holy shit some of the shots in this episode. you watch a lot of dramas and you just get used to generic university sets. the stunning beach and ocean shots in this. 

+ love seeing little hints of tin and can, and pete and ae. its very neat. I really liked that it was mostly about Can, because of course, that’s who Type has connected with, who he has the most knowledge of. that’s his and Techno’s child they are platonically raising together.

+ it just left me feeling good. it left me feeling positive for their relationship, their future together and as individuals. it was so good to see them free of the poison that they both carry because of their pasts.

+ adulllllthoooood. very satisfying for this to be about adult life experiences and not 1st year, fresh outta highschool drama in university. i missed grown ups lmao.

in summary, i love it. love them. i’m happy!

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Purple Piano Project

Masterpost

3x01: The Purple Piano Project

Welcome to Season 3! I’ll try not to whine too much while we’re here, lol :)  

The season starts out on a relatively high note, however, making the whole thing feel a lot more promising than it ended up being.  This episode is fun and quirky and there are a lot of pianos for Kurt to drape himself on top of!! 

Future Plans

So – we start off the season much like season two – Ben Jacob Israel going around and harassing everyone about their summer vacations and future plans. 

Do you see the set up of this shot, guys?  Rachel chattering in the front while Kurt tries to be distracting in the background?  Well – get used to it, because this Hummelberry dynamic is going to drag us through the next two years, guys, lol.  No really – I enjoy Hummelberry in this episode, I do.  But we had no idea this was a set up for (I’m sure someone will argue me on this) the worst Kurt arc on the show – Getting into NYADA.  And, unfortunately, the Hummelberry dynamic (or more so the writer’s obsession with Rachel not being able to fail at anything) plays into that. 

Probably going off a rush of a summer where all they talked about was going to New York, Kurt and Rachel have all their future plans figured out.  They’re going to get a little apartment on the Lower West Side (yeah, sure), Rachel’s gonna be a big Broadway star, and Kurt’s gonna be married (legally!!!) by 30.  Yes – think about what is said here, I know Kurt has Broadway ambitions, too, but I find it funny that his dream aspirations include getting married.  

There are two key things I’d like to point about the whole marriage thing.  Kurt says by 30.  As we find in this season – not before 30 cause that is Too. Young.  But also.  Yes.  Kurt Hummel wants to get married.  And I’m pretty sure he already knows who his groom is going to be.  

But anyway, thinking about season 2, and how that started in such a dark place for Kurt, here we have the opposite – bright and shining optimism.  Oh, kiddo.  This really can only go down, can’t it. 

Purple Pianos

Kurt: Why’s the T-Rex eating the Jew?

It’s exposition dump time! As we get filled in that the Glee Club remains uncool after the Nationals debacle from last year.  Kurt gets his share of funny lines as we get filled in.  

Meanwhile – the glee club is three men down; Quinn pissed off the writers again, Lauren was fired, and Sam just couldn’t work out a contract deal.  So – Will gets the idea that placing purple pianos everywhere would inspire new people to join the club.  I’m not entirely sure how purple pianos are inspiring, but like Kurt, I’m totally on board with the whole thing.  

As seen in the background, the moment he can, he gets himself up and draped over one of the pianos. 

See – look how adorable he is on that piano!!! 

Anyway – Will bores us with another inspiration speech that means mostly nothing since no one joins glee club anyway…. 

NYADA – School for Witches

Lol – oh Kurt, you’re making the best faces in this episode so far….

First of all, let’s talk about the fact that Emma thought he and Rachel were dating (omg!), and the fact that he actually takes the pamphlet about ‘Me and My Hag’ (Lol).  Secondly, let’s talk about these sillies not doing their research on how Julliard is not a musical theater school.  At least Emma is doing the job she’s supposed to be doing in this episode! 

And then she steers them in the direction of New York Academy of Dramatic Arts.  Oh NYADA and my distaste for you begins, lol….  So, this particular school only takes 20 students a year.  Hmmm…  Looks a lot bigger than that in season 4 but whatever.  And the chances that two people from the same school and graduating year getting in? Doubtful.  But this is Glee, so here we go! 

Competitive Spirit

 It’s the first day of school, and Blaine is still a Warbler, but his resolve is crumbling because Kurt is very persistent (and flirty and adorable) in this scene. You know there’s some interesting meta floating around about this scene recently – about their competitive nature and about how Blaine really isn’t /that/ competitive, but Kurt totally is.  He doesn’t mind it at all, really, which means, in a way, that they’re on equal footing.  Ah, how that is all about to change. 

But what Kurt really wants is for Blaine to be around all the time so they can spend every minute of every day together.  Oh, Kurt.  Be careful what you wish for. But also – interestingly – they spent all the time together back when Kurt was at Dalton, and Kurt wants that little fairy tale to continue by bringing Blaine over to McKinley.  It’s obvious they talked about this at length over the summer, but I wonder what Kurt’s (more serious) arguments were for getting Blaine to come to public school. 

But anyway – the fun stuff – just how adorable and flirty these two are here! Hands might not have wandered south of the equator, but they were definitely up to stuff over the summer! 

We Got the Beat

I’ve always thought Kurt was very pretty in this scene.  

I should probably have more profound analysis.  

Well, there’s not much to say, other than Kurt’s used to being bullied by the school, and he’s not about to make himself a target by getting up and singing on the lunch tables, no matter how pretty the pianos are.  

Year 3 and Kurt’s still an awkward little dancer. <3 

This song is nice and fun and energetic.  Not really a favorite of mine, but man, what does it take to get this school into anything?  Geez! 

You know, for someone who is so particular about their clothes – I’m sure this is like the zombie apocalypse.  Poor Kurt. I love the food ray shield. 

You know, never once in all my schooling did I witness a food fight. 

Kurt is just not having it. 

Kurtcedes lives! If only to pass along exposition.  And to exchange bewildered looks as Sugar sings her god-awful song.  

You know it’s funny – I never noticed how seasons 2 and 3 (and 4 actually) openers have plotlines of – let’s open up glee club for everyone! Except not really because we’re a seclusive little bunch. 

Velma and Roxy

Small town is small after you’ve been to the big city.  But Kurt has a plan, that they’re gonna out preform all the other Ohio hopefuls so they can get a shot at their dreams.  I think, for the first time, I kinda get the purpose of this song (other than the blatant relation to Wicked and connection to season 2), but that they’re already counting in their victory against all the other hopefuls.  They’re putting their cart before the horse.  

Say what you will about Gay Hogwarts, NYADA does attract the witches….

The song itself is a little ridiculous but the performance is wonderful.  I love the choreography of this one.  And as always sound fantastic together, and this performance is no exception.  Say what you will about how Hummelberry was written – and I will say a lot over the next two seasons – Lea and Chris’s voices suit each other wonderful, and the show seems to latch on to that pretty well.  

Transfer

Not exactly a pic of Kurt, I know, but Blaine’s so frickin’ gorgeous in this scene.  And Kurt thinks so, too!! Look at that grin!  

But I’m kinda fascinated by this, now that I think of it, how Blaine’s all – check me out Kurt – in this kind of suave way.  And, oh Kurt, kind of caught up in his own drama to even notice that his boyfriend’s one outfit has changed.   

But, just, the excitement Kurt has when Blaine’s decided to transfer.  OMG! the boy is so happy.  

I love that Kurt has concerns – and they are so totally valid.  Blaine did transfer to be with Kurt, and that’s going to play a part in some of their bigger issues.  But for now, they can reveal in their happiness and not think at all about nasty, nasty break ups.  

And – getting Blaine into New Directions.  But since the only competition is Sugar, there really isn’t an issue here. 

Oh Kurt – so giddy that he’s once again getting sung to in the courtyard.  Can this year get any better?!?!  

Everything’s great util you light the piano on fire. 

Velma and Roxy II

Kurt and Rachel are so ready for this NYADA mixer! Only to find out that while at McKinley they might be special snowflakes, in the real world, they’re a dime a dozen.  I like the reality of this scene, tbh.  That you can give your 1 in a Billion speeches all you want, there’s always going to be someone else who seems like they’re more talented than you.  There are a lot of things Glee misses the mark on when it comes to college.  Or theater.  And this scene is a bit over the top.  But it does show that, hey, there are a ton of people trying to make it the same as you – and so you do have to ask yourself – do you have what it takes to compete? Or do you just walk away. 

I think now’s a good time to bring up the Glee Project.  I never watched it, tbh, so I can’t judge what kind of a show it was. But I’m not a fan of the results of the Glee Project.  And I don’t mean who won and who didn’t (Damien McGinty? Really?).  I mean that I have lots of problems with season 3.  But I think one of my biggest is that a show with a cast already overflowing now has to shoehorn these winners into the plot.  (I mean, think about how much space the show would have had without Rory)  Outside of Unique, I’m not really a fan of the characters that grew out of the Glee Project. 

That said, Lindsey Pierce was one of the winners, and her little moment to shine here seems perfect enough.  She’s a great vocalist, and I’m incredibly impressed by what she does here.  This performance is excellent.  

Anyway – going back to Kurt’s story.  It’s kinda hilarious how perfect a song choice this is – this group of kids basically stating that anything you guys can do Kurt and Rachel, we can do better.  Oh Glee with all its subtleties.  

So.  Kurt and Rachel make it back to the car and break down crying because that’s what happens when your optimistic view point gets smashed.  Poor kiddos.  

And then we get Kurt gives Rachel a pep talk v.2.0 (yes, i’ll be numbering these).  And it’s similar to the Born This Way talk – that Rachel is good enough to get in because she’s still special.  The thing, though, as much as I joke around, is that I do honestly like this scene.  Because Rachel is in Kurt’s corner, too, supporting him even though he’s down on himself for lack of extracurriculars.  The scene is a balanced one, where they both pull each other out of this dark place, and I can really do Hummelberry when this kind of thing happens. 

Gay High-five!!

You Can’t Stop the Beat

Oh, I have waited so long to screencap this.  There’s a gif out there that’s even funnier though.  

Anyway – there’s a ton crammed into this little scene.  Blaine joins glee club, which is yay!! But c’mon, Finn, you’re seriously having issues with Blaine possibly taking the spotlight when you and Rachel get all the solos? And Santana’s out for the week.  Why is she only out for one week? Who knows.  And then, finally, Kurt’s feeling ambitious and running for Student Body President, and Blaine’s super proud of him.  Can’t you tell by the still above?

But the moral of the story is you can pull all of the strings out of the purple piano but you can’t pull out it’s music.  Or, er,  something like that.  

Kurt’s feeling light and airy after that handjob.  Oh, wait, nope. 

It’s funny, I think this episode still holds up.  It’s crammed full of things, almost to a fault, but is still funny and endearing and services all the storylines it’s going to be presenting during the first third of the season.  I still really enjoy this episode even if season 3 goes mostly downward for me from here. 

It’s Season 3 people. Bam!

[notbang]

heather & nathaniel - otherwise occupied

The party hasn’t quite gotten started by the time Heather interrupts them with the insistent staccato of her fist against the bedroom door, but it’s enough on its way that they both visibly flinch, mouths detaching with an audible pop, and stare at each other in mutual frustration.

“Occupied,” Rebecca calls out, then yanks Nathaniel back down by his neck to resume her attack on his face.

“Sorry, can’t hear you, coming in,” Heather intones back.

The door opens as promised to reveal a wine-drunk Heather, bottle in hand, and Rebecca growls at the intrusion, executing a poorly-aimed shove and roughly extricating Nathaniel’s hand from under her shirt.

She flops heavily onto her back. “What do you want, Heather?”

Ignoring the question, Heather jerks her chin at Nathaniel. “Can I get under the covers, or are you not wearing pants?”

He stares at her for a moment before reaching for his discarded t-shirt at the foot of the bed. “Maybe I should just go.”

“Hey,” Rebecca says abruptly. “What are you doing? Don’t—do not put your shirt back on. She’s leaving!”

“Yeah,” Heather says with a shrug, blatantly looking him up and down. “I mean, it’s fine.”

He frowns and tugs the sheet up over his chest as a compromise.

“He might still be wearing his pants,” Rebecca grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest and staring straight forward at the wall, “but I’m not making any promises.”

“This side it is. Scooch over, lover boy.”

Heather lifts up the corner of the bedspread and shoehorns her way in with such matter of factness that Nathaniel finds himself shifting over without question, nudging Rebecca closer to her edge of the bed as a byproduct and earning himself disbelieving scowl in response.

“I see what this is,” Rebecca says, yanking out the sheets where they’ve gathered uncomfortably beneath her. “This is payback for last weekend. But it’s not going to work. Ha-ah-ah, nope. You know why? Because I love sleepovers. Sleepovers are my favourite thing, so. Of course I’m going to love a sleepover with two of my favourite people. Right? That’s just… twice the fun. Which means I’m going to enjoy this way more than you.”

“Cool,” Heather says, the infinitesimal twitching of her lips only serving to needle Rebecca further. “Then let’s hang, roomie. Bring it.”

Nathaniel continues to fidget from where he’s caught uncomfortably between them, still clutching the comforter to his chest.

“Oh, are you, like, low-key pitching a tent or something? Don’t be embarrassed—I’m outdoorsy. I knew what I was walking in on.”

His eyes flutter shut as he tilts his face up towards the ceiling. “Well and truly taken care of, believe me.”

“Do you guys want some wines?” Heather asks, angling the neck of the bottle for a refill and narrowly avoiding missing the glass entirely. A trickle runs down the side onto the bedspread.“Oops. I only have one glass but we can share, it’s fine.”

He can practically see Rebecca’s eye start twitching as she stares at the pink blotch blossoming in the fabric of her covers, and he squeezes her thigh in an attempt to appease her. “We’re good,” he says, clearing his throat.

Heather palms the remote from the nightstand and immediately commandeers control of the television, punching through the channels until she settles on reruns of Planet Earth, curiosity sufficiently piqued by the colourful shots of schools of tropical fish and the pleasing lilt of David Attenborough’s dulcet tones.

Nathaniel would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested, but the simmering agitation is still rolling off Rebecca in waves beside him. He knows better than to spend too much time looking at the screen.

Her stony silence persists, though, and when she rolls her eyes and pushes herself down the bed to bury her head into her pillow—back turned towards them, the cold shoulder clear—he lets himself grow a little lax. He doesn’t watch TV particularly often, and while Rebecca’s generally a fan of a late night movie, more often than not they tend to find themselves somewhat preoccupied.

“She should get a new mattress, right?” Heather says during a lull in the commentary, between ungraceful gulps of her wine. “You should tell her to get a new mattress. This one feels like it was passed over by Goldilocks, the princess from Once Upon a Mattress and the princess from Slumbered. Just, like, all the exhausted princesses.”

“The bed is fine,” Nathaniel says, raising his eyebrows. “Sleep like a baby, every time.”

“Well, okay then, Papa Bear.”

Though he immediately hates himself for it, after a beat he asks, “Was Goldilocks a princess?”

“Yeah. But like, a people’s princess.”

Rebecca lets out a sleepy moan and rolls back towards Nathaniel, burrowing into his side. “If you hate my mattress so much, leave,” she says, the words garbled from the way her face is smooshed into his ribcage. His palm curls around her shoulder on autopilot but she shrugs him off irritably, oversteering and tipping too-far towards the edge.

She lets gravity take its due course and melts out the side of the bed to the floor, taking half the bedcovers with her. Once she manages to push herself to her feet—pantsless, as promised earlier, but thankfully with a flash of blue cotton visible beneath the hem of her t-shirt—she tangles a hand in her mussed hair in frustration. “Dude, seriously. What do I gotta do to get you to leave? Coitus interruptus aside, I just fucking want to go to bed.”

“Oh, I’m not leaving,” Heather assures her. “One—you’re right, this is payback for last weekend. Two—as long as I’m here, you two aren’t having sex. Which means I don’t have to listen to you two having sex. Three—your television is bigger than mine, so. Pros all round.”

Nathaniel recognises what’s about happen approximately two seconds before Rebecca launches herself forward, and by some miracle of reflex he manages to intercept and haul her off Heather before she has the chance to substitute a sharp writing implement with her bare hands at her housemate’s throat.

“Okay,” he says, swinging her back towards the other side of the mattress with a grunt despite the admirable struggle she puts up. “That’s enough.”

“Let me go, you turncoat,” she gasps, so taken aback by his unexpected betrayal that her assault on Heather is momentarily forgotten.

She clambers back off the bed, turning around to yank on the bedspread as an afterthought, pulling the covers off entirely and exposing the twin lengths of their ridiculously long legs. Nathaniel comically scrunches up in a ball at the unexpected gush of air but Heather remains unfazed, tilting her head in Rebecca’s direction.

“Well, rude,” she says.

“You,” Rebecca growls, jabbing an index and middle finger in Nathaniel’s direction. “Put your shirt on. We’re leaving. This sleepover has officially been relocated to your apartment and Heather’s not invited.”

Nathaniel opens his mouth to say something then quickly closes it again, sneaking a furtive glance at the television that has Rebecca jerking her head towards him and widening her eyes, enraged.

“Oh, I’m sorry—would you rather stay in bed and watch late night TV with my drunk housemate than continue taking off the rest of my clothes?” When he hesitates she adds, “For the record, there is very much a right and wrong answer to that question.”

Rolling his eyes, he retrieves his shirt from the end of the bed and tugs it down over his head, compressing the crest of his hair and sending it bouncing comically upwards once it escapes containment. “Are you really going to make me drive across town right now? It’s almost midnight.”

“Are you really leaving me to infer that your answer is yes—you would rather stay in bed and watch—”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he assures her, reaching across Heather to retrieve his keys from the nightstand.

“Well, you kids have fun,” Heather calls after them as Rebecca aggressively shepherds Nathaniel from the room, tossing one shoe then the other at his retreating back and eliciting a protesting yelp each time. “I’m just gonna, like, chill here and crash.”

She starfishes across the bed in satisfaction.

mini fic prompt meme.

[trishmishtree]

live-tumbling my reaction to ml season 3 episode 1 (”chameleon”)

Spoilers and salt below

=======

Hearing issues? Really? after she'd gone around charming the entire school and making everyone adore her and obviously having no trouble communicating? I'd buy it more if she had vision issues. I always had to sit in the front of the room in middle school because my eyesight sucked.

Also, whose brilliant idea was it to pair Alya/Nino and Ivan/Mylene together? Does this teacher have no idea how teenagers work?

Oh never mind. Apparently it was Lila's idea to reseat everyone. But why did Ms. Bustier agree to it? Doesn't she have enough to worry about with kids getting akumatized every other day and students not showing up to class because they have to fight crime? Does she really want to deal with the rest of her students being too busy chatting up their friends/SOs to pay attention in class, which is exactly what happens with this kind of seating arrangement?

You know what would make more sense? Putting this episode in season 2. Lila only showed up in the finale, even though they alluded to her being in their class before.

"You have a hearing issue, Lila?" Marinette asks, her voice at a normal volume. "Yes I suffer from tinnitus a constant ringing in my left ear etc. etc." Lila replies, apparently having no trouble hearing Marinette at all. For a "good liar," she's really, really dumb.

Also, they make it sound like everyone already knows about her "hearing issues" except Marinette, even though Lila's apparently been in their class for a while now. Why is the writing for this show so fucking lazy?

Remember during Origins when Alya confronted Chloe, asking her "Hey, who made you queen of the seats?" I feel like that might apply to Marinette right about now.

(This reaction has been mostly salt so far because I hate Lila [as a character, not as a person] and can't understand why she keeps getting shoehorned into the show, and I hate how Marinette acts when she's jealous about Adrien and how her characterization is so inconsistent across episodes.)

Oh for fuck's sake, just akumatize her already. At least then something interesting will finally happen. I'm sick of this status quo that the show seems to be allergic to changing.

I feel like I've talked about this before, but if the akumas aren't customized and can land on just about anyone anytime, why does Hawkmoth wait for someone to get pissed off before making one? Why doesn't he just cast one out every morning and wait for a nibble?

Ooh, cool. First look at the school cafeteria. (Where is it in the school though? It kind of looks like it might be on the top floor...)

Oh, now she has a wrist problem, too?

Has anyone referred her to a psychiatrist yet? You know, for her anger issues and her malingering/factitious disorder?

Okay, this makes even less sense. According to Marinette, Lila has literally only been at their school for a day, and that was during Volpina. So when the fuck did the rest of her class find out about her hearing issues? And how do they still remember it after she spent all of season 2 "traveling the world"?

Alya and Nino have a point that Marinette's being ridiculous. But at the same time, it's really not like them to not believe her and throw out whataboutisms to derail her. It's almost like the show writers have no idea how to write consistent characters, so every character on the show just exists there to throw out dialogue when it's convenient for plot.

(Where's Chloe in all this? I'm still waiting for the catfight that will happen when Lila inevitably trash talks Ladybug in front of Chloe.)

I know the point of this episode is to teach Marinette that it's really not worth it to get down in the mud with Lila (i.e. take the high road/sometimes it's okay to mind your own business if the other person isn't really hurting anybody), but I feel like this is something she should have learned a long time ago. Like, in season 1. Why bother with "character development" that you're just going to throw out the window by the time the next episode rolls around when it's the fucking third season now? That ship sailed a looooong time ago, and all you're accomplishing now is regressing Marinette as a character in order to build her back up to baseline. That's just shitty writing.

Interesting how Lila is baiting Marinette and making her look bad in front of her friends, and then extending her a peace offering.

I have a new theory: Hawkmoth noticed that Ladybug shows up really really fast when the person akumatized is a student at Francois Dupont, particularly when the victim is in the same class as Chloe Bourgeoise. The only 2 people in that class who haven't been akumatized yet are a) his son and b) that fashion designer girl, so he's sending Lila in to try and piss them off to see if he can tease out the identity of Ladybug.

That, or they're making Lila as obnoxious as possible so that fans won't protest when Marinette and Chloe become friends.

"Uhhhh I'm still here if you still need help catching up with schoolwork?" Finally a voice of reason! Adrien already knows that Lila's manipulative, so he just cuts to the chase and offers his friendship and a chance for her to be honest with him. And when she storms off because she can't manipulate him, he feels pity for her but he doesn't bother chasing after her because he's not interested in dealing with her shit.

Well, I guess it's a good thing that neither the akuma nor HM can sense Tikki's presence.

I guess he decided to give up on Marinette. Not a bad idea, really. This is the 3rd time he's failed to akumatize her (twice today and once in Zombizou) now.

But if Lila's angry all the time, and she's been in Paris all along, then why doesn't he just use her as his champion all the time? It's way more convenient that way, plus she's actually willing to help him.

Wait, so Lila's new akumasona is....herself?

Never mind. This is even weirder than her Volpina powers. It's like Princess and the Frog meets reverse-Sleeping Beauty.

And I guess it makes sense that she's using Adrien to go after Marinette.I

I wonder where her corrupted earring went after she transformed into Adrien though.

It is...REALLY weird watching Not-Adrien jump around the rooftops of Paris in his civilian clothes.

LMAO of COURSE Lila goes back to the Eiffel Tower.

(Can we leave her up there again at the end of the episode?)

What is she trying to accomplish here? I thought she'd pretend to be Adrien to mess with Marinette, but it looks more like ADRIEN is the one she's pissed off at, so she's making him look like an asshole to ruin his reputation in Paris. (And how is Gabriel letting her do this? I get that he's a shitty father and doesn't give a fuck about Adrien beyond making sure the kid is alive and breathing, but you'd think he'd be more concerned with the PR nightmare that's starting to brew around his fashion empire's most recognizable model.)

Well, I hope his voice actor is having fun messing around and not acting like the standard mopey and sad Adrien for once.

I'm glad that Ladybug saw through the disguise right away. But where IS the akuma, if Not-Adrien isn't wearing the earring?

What's up with the real Adrien waking up all of a sudden? Was the spell only temporary?

I would make a comment about being annoyed that Chat Noir got taken out again and served as nothing but a meat shield YET AGAIN, but whatever. It's only temporary.

I wonder if Not-Chat Noir's transformation will wear off in 5 minutes after the Cataclysm. Copy Cat had a time limit, but Queen Wasp was able to use her special Miraculous power as many times as she wanted.

I like how Lila hates Ladybug so much that she'd rather chase her down than grab the ring off an unconscious Chat Noir, even though it would only take her two seconds tops.

Aaaand we're back at the Eiffel Tower. Because of course we are. Lila had better get stuck up there again.

Seriously, WHERE IS THAT AKUMA? WHERE DID THE EARRING GO?

Wait, kissing an inanimate object turns Chameleon into that object? Or was that oyster alive? Is the real oyster asleep now? Can oysters kiss, or is she stuck as that oyster forever?

(Why does it have to be a kiss anyway? Did they only do that so they could show Lila kissing Adrien in the episode promo? Why couldn't she have a magic projectile shooting wand or something like Frightningale or Style Queen? That would be way more efficient and she wouldn't have to fight to shove her face close to anyone else.)

(Oh wait, no. Lila was watching from the window when Marinette kissed Adrien at the picnic at the end of Mayura. She must have specifically chosen kisses as Chameleon's special power as payback for that.)

"You sure got that supervillain to clam up." That.........was a terrible pun. I'm sorry I laughed. If you told me that pun in real life, I would refuse to look at you.

Wait, so if she hadn't turned Chameleon into an oyster, then where would the akuma have been??????

Oh, right. Adrien figured it out it was Lila already.

Wait, so what was the shirt for? (Disclaimer, I know nothing about how pearls are harvested. Do they need a towel/cloth to put the oyster on? Fuck if I know)

AHAHAHA, glad to see Nino got his cap back.

......I hope that comment about wanting to be Ladybug's friend is a reference to the end of Volpina, and not to the conversation she had with Marinette in the bathroom.

So she didn't get left on top of the Eiffel Tower again, since they fell off of it. But I guess getting left on a seafood stand under the Eiffel Tower is close enough.

Hey, I know that you (the writers/show creators) have promised an even scarier, more powerful threat than Hawkmoth in the new season. But you do realize that having Lila do the death glare like "oooh i know more than i'm letting on" after Ladybug leaves doesn't make her any more menacing as a villain, right? I'm still not going to take her seriously. She's a shit character, and the only reason she's even relevant is because you need a mean girl character now that Chloe's a good guy. Even though you could just make Chloe revert to being awful again. It's not like you've ever had an issue with writing characters inconsistently and having them lose any growth they had before.

Yay, words of wisdom and a voice of reason from Adrien.

(Now watch Marinette un-learn all of this by the time episode 2 rolls around.)

Again, unless Lila has figured out that Marinette is Ladybug, I don't give a shit about her as a villain. Her "evil" face at the end just looks like she has some kind of facial paralysis issue going on (hey, maybe early-onset Parkinson's can be next on her list of ailments that requre special attention). And "you and I are at war"? Really? Has the person who wrote that line ever interacted with a teenage girl before? Is that really how you think they fight with each other? How do you expect anyone to take that line seriously?

8/10. Overall, not a bad episode at all. I did have to dock a point off for having Lila in it, and another point off for everyone (except Adrien) acting out of character. But the voice acting was fine, and the villain powers were interesting, and the fight scenes were cool, and Ladybug's strategy for ultimately defeating the villain was actually brilliant.

tl;dr "It's like Princess and the Frog meets reverse-Sleeping Beauty."

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 71-72

These goddamn chapters are so long I want to d ie

The Queen of the Fae was exactly as Aelin remembered. Swirling dark robes, a beautiful pale face beneath onyx hair, red lips set in a faint smile

Of course Maeve is also drop dead gorgeous. Somebody gotta put a cap on the amount of beauty in SJM’s novels, it’s becoming too much.

With [Maeve’s] attention elsewhere, Lorcan took up a place at Aelin’s side—as if they were somehow allies in this, would fight back-to-back. Aelin didn’t bother to say anything to him.

I mean, Lorcan being on your side gives you a much better chance of rescuing Elide, but sure Alien, be like that.

That ripple of Lorcan’s power the day Ansel’s fleet had closed in … [Aelin]’d known it was a summoning. The same way she’d summoned the Valg to Skull’s Bay. She’d refused to immediately explain Ansel’s presence, wanting to enjoy the surprise of it, and he had summoned Maeve’s armada to take on what he’d believed to be an enemy fleet. To save Elide.

This seems kinda weird to me? Elide has stated to Lorcan numerous times that she’s on Alien’s side, so wouldn’t Maeve consider her a threat and an enemy? Why would Lorcan summon her to save Elide, then? But whatever, the less time we dwell on shitty writing, the quicker we get this shitshow over with.

Elide was trembling; every bone, every pore was trembling

Every pore??? Lmfao is SJM just giving up at this point?? She can’t shoehorn in sexual references when her protag is confronting the villain so she wants to just get it over with.

Lorcan betrays them and Alien is shocked, but like... why are y’all surprised Lorcan was literally only with you guys for Elide, he has no reason to like anyone else in Alien’s group of jackasses.

Flame danced at Aelin’s fingertips. No. Her magic had been emptied, still hovered near burnout.

Maeve kick her ass please I am begging you, wipe the fucking floor with her

Maeve returned Aelin’s smile. “(...)Of course, the fools didn’t realize that when you had drained yourself on their armies, I’d be waiting. You were already exhausted after putting out the fires I had my armada ignite to tire you on Eyllwe’s coast. It was a convenience that Lorcan gave your precise location and saved me the energy of tracking you down myself.” A trap. An enormous, wicked trap. To drain Aelin’s power over days— weeks.

Alien’s tiny mind is fucking blown by this but no fucking shit!!! You’re a dumbass who thinks wasting her magic on shooting fireworks out of her ass is a good idea, of course someone would notice and take advantage of you!! Does Alien even have a goddamn brain???

“The armada was a precaution. Just in case the ilken didn’t arrive for you to wholly drain yourself … I figured a few hundred ships would make for good kindling until I was ready.” To sacrifice [Maeve’s] own fleet—or part of it—to gain one prize … This was madness. The queen was utterly insane.

I mean. Maeve is an evil bloodthirsty monster, but she’s way smarter than any of these dumbasses. Honestly, I’m starting to root for her. She figured out her enemy’s weakness and used it against them, which is more brain power than Alien is capable of.

Flame slammed outward, red and golden—just as a wall of darkness lashed for Aelin. The impact shook the world. Even Manon was thrown on her ass.

Love how SJM tries to make this showdown all ~epic and uhmayzing~ but then throws in Manon falling flat on her ass. The rivalry between Maeve and Alien is barely developed so I’m hardly excited for Maeve to kick Alien’s ass. Makes me wish I could be reading Death Note instead, now there’s a good power play between rival characters.

Lorcan grabs Elide while Maeve and Alien duke it out and he tries to get her to run.

[Elide] would not. She’d sooner die than flee like a coward, not when Aelin was going to the mat for all of them, when—

Going to the mat? Wtf??? Yes I know it’s an expression of struggling/fighting until defeated or victorious, but this completely threw me out of the story when I read it. This is a (supposedly) medieval setting, and this saying just seems out of place in this setting.

A whip of black sliced into Aelin. She went down. And Elide thought the impact of Aelin Galathynius’s knees hitting the sand might have been the most horrible sound she’d ever heard.

Elide was literally enslaved in a tower and abused by her uncle but seeing some stupid queen she barely knows getting the shit kicked out of her is the worst thing she’s ever witnessed. Okay, SJM, okay. Elide deserves so much better than to be reduced to a fangirl to splooge over Alien.

Aelin crawled backward, blood sliding from her right nostril. Dripping on her white shirt.

*clenches fist* fragmentsssssss. A comma or the word and would’ve sufficed better there.

Aelin tried to rise. Tried, but her legs had given out. The Queen of Terrasen panted, fire flickering like dying embers around her.

I’ll admit, I rather like the symbolism of the embers dying out around her, highlighting how she’s utterly failed and gotten her ass whooped. Very nice.

Fenrys and Gav roll up to the party while Maeve continues to beat Alien. I know it’s cruel to say, but I’m rather enjoying Alien getting her arrogant ass whooped after unfairly winning literally every confrontation with no effort in this novel.

But Maeve let the darkness around Aelin part. She was curled on her side, bleeding from both nostrils now, more blood dribbling from her panting mouth.

Considering she’s getting whipped and stabbed by black magic, I think she should be bleeding from actual wounds than having just a nosebleed lmao. Maeve starts grilling Gav.

“Did I or did I not tell you to execute Lorcan on sight?” “There were … circumstances that prevented it from happening. We tried.” “Yet you failed. Am I not supposed to discipline my blood-bonded who fail me?” Gavriel lowered his head. “Of course—we will accept it. And I will also take on the punishment you intended for Aelin Galathynius.”

NOOOOO I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD SJM IF YOU KILL OFF GAV FOR ALIEN TO LIVE I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU

So Maeve kicks Gav out of her court and dishonors him, but he lives, thank god. If Gav ends up dying in this series I’m gonna have to have a long angry chat with SJM. Gav basically disappears for the rest of the scene even though he’s right there? Whatever spares him from the agony of this shitty book I guess.

Elide splooges about what a badass assassin Alien was and how she’ll wait for the right moment to strike, before Maeve removes all of Alien’s weapons for that exact reason. My sides hurt from the fucking cackling I did at that. Can’t believe I am about to stan Maeve, but she’s a ruthless, badass, calculating villain who is capable of thinking about things other than sex. Nothing but respect for my evil queen.

“What a powerhouse you two would be—[Aelin] and Prince Rowan. And any offspring of that union …” A vicious smirk. “You and Rowan could rule this continent if you wished. But your children … your children would be powerful enough to rule an empire that could sweep the world.”

Ungh, c’mon Maeve, I know you’re just fucking with Alien, but don’t make me read that garbage. Can’t wait until there’s a sequel series to Thr0ne of glass about Alien’s goblin kids being even more uber powered special snowflakes than their mother. C’mon, you know SJM would.

“It was so easy to tug on the right psychic thread that day Rowan saw Lyria at the market. To shove him down that other path, to trick those instincts. A slight altering of fate.” (...) Maeve said, “So your mate was given to another. And I let him fall in love, let him get her [pregnant]. And then I broke him. No one ever asked how those enemy forces came to pass by his mountain home.”

Great, so Lyria was nothing but a plot point to get Ratlin together now? Fuck off SJM, stop reducing your other characters as nothing but plot points for your precious OTP. Lyria deserved so much better than this.

“[Rowan] took the blood oath without question. And I knew that whenever you were born, whenever you’d come of age … I’d ensure that your paths crossed, and you’d take one look at each other and I’d have you by the throat. Anything I asked for, you’d give to me. Even the keys. For your mate, you could do no less. You almost did that day in Doranelle.”

Lmfao I love how one of the main selling points fans use for this series were “it depicts love accurately, Alien has more than one love interest!1″ and SJM fucking killed any chance of using that as a positive of the series hahahahaha I am actually fucking dying. Chaol, Dorito, and Sam didn’t mean shit because her one true love was Rowboat all long. Couldn’t have written a shittier plot twist if I tried, SJM, hats off to you. That deserves a slow clap.

Maeve ignored [Elide pleading]. “Well? When did you know [Rowan was her mate]?” “At Temis’s temple,” Aelin admitted, glancing to Manon. “The moment the arrow went through his shoulder. Months ago.”

Nothing turns me on more than my abusive boyfriend almost dying by an arrow to the shoulder. I know, I know, the mating bond in AC0TAR is different than the ones in T0G, but still.

Maeve shrugged. “If it’s any consolation, Aelin, you would have had a thousand years with Prince Rowan. Longer.”

Go tf off, Maeve!!!! I’d read an entire book of Maeve just ripping Alien a new one tbh

Turns out Alien is due to Settle in five years or so. What a relief, SJM’s precious Mary Sue won’t ever have to grow, god forbid, old and ugly! Phew, really dodged a bullet there!

Maeve calls out Cairn, the asshole dude Lorcan brought up many chapters prior.

A handsome, brown-haired warrior walked toward them from the cluster of escorts. Handsome, if it weren’t for the sadistic cruelty singing in his blue eyes.

So is he handsome or not, SJM? These two sentences are so contradictory. Maeve gives Alien a choice whether to come willingly or to refuse and let Elide be dragged along. Alien is a selfish shitlord, but she cares about Elide despite barely knowing her, so we all know which she’ll probably choose.

Next chapter, finally, holy shit that one was so long I had to skim most of it.

Aelin’s body hurt. Everything hurt. Her blood, her breath, her bones. There was no magic left. Nothing left to save her.

It’s funny how this is framed as we’re supposed to feel bad for poor Alien but I’m laughing my ass off. Act like a little shit, get hit, Alien.

Aelin simply nodded at the Fae Queen. Her acceptance and surrender.

Surprise, surprise. I’ll at least give Alien a little credit for considering the safety of somebody else besides herself or Rowboat’s Fae peen. Man, the bar is set pretty low, eh?

And because she had won, Maeve even loosened her power’s grip on Aelin’s bones. Allowed Aelin to turn to Elide and say, “Go with Manon. She will take care of you.” Elide began crying, shoving away from Lorcan. “I’ll go with you, I’ll come with you—”

Wtf Elide, no, you’re smarter than this!!!! Alien is sacrificing herself so you can be free, you run and get Alien’s comrades and then you have a chance to free Alien afterwards!! Goddamnit SJM you’re making me repulsed by Elide because all she is now is a tool to fawn over Alien dhfkhfksdh I'm so goddamn mad

Aelin’s soul splintered as she saw the iron box the escorts now carried between them. An ancient, iron coffin. Big enough for one person. Crafted for her.

Oof, so there’s the coffin bit I’ve been hearing about. Can’t really say I’m sorry for Alien. Yeah I know that’s mean, but she’s a massive unlikable selfish asshole who gets everything handed to her without her doing any work, so forgive me for not feeling bad when she finally gets a good deserved kick in the bottom.

“And tell Rowan,” Aelin said, fighting her own sob, “that I’m sorry I lied. But tell him it was all borrowed time anyway. Even before today, I knew it was all just borrowed time, but I still wish we’d had more of it.”

Again, good concept, just wasted on an absolute shit tier ship. Someone write an AU of this but with a good ship, yeah? And, y’know, rewrite most of the plot so it makes sense.

Maeve lowered the mask and drawled to Aelin, “Rumor claims you will bow to no one, Heir of Fire.” That serpentine smile. “Well, now you will bow to me.” She pointed to the sand. Aelin obeyed.

I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am, but ahhh feels so good to read Alien get taken down a peg or two after being so irritatingly arrogant! Feels good, feels organic.

“Take off your shirt.” Aelin tugged her shirt out of her pants and slung it over her head, tossing it in the sand beside her. Then she removed the flexible cloth around her breasts.

So.... a bra, essentially? Is she wearing a bra? Or was SJM unsure of whether or not medieval women wore bras and was like “Ehhhh I’ll describe it as just a cloth, that way nobody can point fingers at me for shitty world building!”

Aelin didn’t fight as [the Fae warriors] each gripped her by an arm and hauled her up. Spread her arms wide. The sea air kissed her breasts, her navel.

Man, given how there’s only a few chapters left, this may be the last unnecessary focus on a female character’s breasts we get in this novel. And it’s right before our main character endures a harsh whipping. Oh SJM, you never disappoint.

Cairn halted. [Aelin] felt him studying the tattoo on her back. Rowan’s loving words, written there in the Old Language. Cairn snorted. Then she felt him revel in how he’d destroy that tattoo.

Evidently, SJM never learned what nuanced characters are. Cairn whips Alien some until Maeve orders them to chuck Alien into the iron coffin. Manon peaces out with Elide, and I hope SJM lets them run away with Abraxos to a better novel.

Time—[Aelin] was grateful Elena had given her that stolen time. Grateful she had met them all, that she had seen some small part of the world, had heard such lovely music, had danced and laughed and known true friendship. Grateful that she had found Rowan. She was grateful.

Another good example of good concept that’s wasted on a shitty character. This should be breaking my heart, but it’s about Alien and I fucking hate Alien more than almost any other fictional character. So alas, I’m left just feeling hallow and tired.

So Aelin Galathynius dried her tears. And did not fight when Maeve strapped that beautiful iron mask over her face.

Seems odd Alien would describe what is essentially an object meant to torture her as beautiful, but alright. We’re almost done folks, buckle up for the final leg of this shitstorm of a journey.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

You know, I both really like and really don’t like the expectation Steven Universe fans have of their ships being canon. 

Like...just a few years ago (basically anything pre-Korrasami) any LGBT ships in kids animation were NEVER going to be canon. There could be tons of chemistry between the characters but never a romantic relationship, not even an implied one.  Steven Universe basically threw that out the window with Ruby and Sapphire, the canonical love Pearl has for Rose (I still question it’s reciprocation...but that’s another rant), and even Pearl being canonically attracted to a human female. And that’s amazing! It’s such a step forward for kids media, and Steven Universe is revolutionary because of that. 

On the flip side, it makes it so the ultimate goal of canon is achievable, and so people think it’s not valid to ship it unless it has the potential to be canon. Which is ridiculous! How many people still freaking ship Drarry when that’s so obviously not canon and never will be? I was in the MLP fandom for years and none of my ships (except the already canon ones) had ANY chance of being canon, there was even a poorly written male love interest for Twilight shoehorned into the Equestria Girls universe (for both human AND pony Twilight, they’ve got two different ones after the 4th movie) and I still only ship Sunlight. I ship so many things that are not and will never be canon. 

Yes, it would be beautiful to see canon Pearlmethyst and canon Lapidot but why is that the only way ships are valid??? Shipping is for fun friendos.

[bewareofchris]

listen nobody cares about my opinion about Tony, the airport fight and Spiderman Homecoming but I’ve just accidentally read a whole post that says the only folks who disagree with how Marvel handled the plot/how Tony was wrong are butthurt Steve fans looking for an excuse to hate Tony.

that is probably part of the demographic but I consider myself to be primarily annoyed by the shoddy writing in the MCU universe so uh:

+ we unfortunately have to accept that Marvel demanded they shoehorn in Spiderman despite the fact that he:

a. had nothing to do with the conflict.  he was in fact so far removed from the conflict that he had literally NO CONTEXT for what he was being recruited to do/why he was fighting Cap and the gang.

b. was in New York while everyone else was in Germany

c.  hadn’t really made a name for himself as an independent superhero

d. literally lived in the same city as several other older, equally cool superheros that apparently didn’t meet Tony’s specific needs at the time.  (Which is fair if we’re sticking by the ‘Spiderman can web them up!’ argument.)

+ fine I’ll accept this was a necessary tie-in to Homecoming because for whatever reason, Marvel didn’t think it could make a stand-alone Spiderman movie that would do well on its own without Tony Stark.  Ok.  Fine.  I’ll accept.

+ problem #1 is the movie where Tony is secretly recruiting the minor to fight in his fight involves the signing of a document that Peter is probably too young to fight but also involves the idea that all the Avengers/Superheroes are required to sign it or stay home.  Marvel/the movie wants you to believe that Tony believes in the Accords and that Steve has violated them and deserves to be brought to justice (one of those is true, the other isn’t) except I sincerely doubt that Tony went to Ross and was like: oh hey there’s this nameless 15 year old kid from Queens that wants to come help and like I feel like we should give him a free pass from signing legal documents because I just don’t want to explain to his legal guardian how he’s going to be involved in an altercation that involves Captain America, The Winter Soldier (a very lethal super soldier/assassin), Scarlett Witch (a weapon of mass destruction), Hawkeye (idk he shoots arrows or something) and Falcon (who is just so deeply loyal to Cap).  And maybe someone else the plot shoehorns in.  Look, Tony was all like: I need Spiderman because Marvel said I did.

+ I’m not saying they couldn’t have made this work.  I’m saying that, for Marvel, bright lights and choreographed fights are more important that making sure the plot works.

+ problem #2 is the fact that Tony cannot sincerely think he can talk sense into Cap.  Sure, ok.  He can hope that sense can be talked but he has fought alongside of and with (in arguments) Cap enough times to know that Cap isn’t going to be graceful about how he was wrong or care about pesky things like the laws of man.  Tony was actually present all through Age of Ultron where Steve’s entire WE FIGHT TOGETHER, oh my god girl, Tony Stark single handedly built a murder-bot and I cannot believe that he didn’t tell me about it oh my god girl, and my personal favorite: “Oh guys look, remember the chick that fucked up all our brains and sent Hulk into a catastrophic rage attack that destroyed a significant portion of a city carelessly endangering the lives of untold numbers of civilians and yeah ok I guess also voodoo’ed Tony’s head and then he built Ultron but that was his own fault.  Well I brought Wanda and her basically useless brother Pietro to help us!  Great idea right guys?  Right?  Excellent.  Good job Steve Rogers, always making the best calls.”  

I love Tony.  You asking me to believe he has any faith in Captain fucking America to do what it is everyone’s best interest when Tony, personally, has been on the outside of “everyone’s best interest” basically their entire relationship makes 0 sense to me.  Yes, Tony maybe went hoping it wouldn’t be a fight but he’s not stupid and he knows Cap.  He knew it would be a fight.

+ problem #3: is this idea of ‘webbing him up’ like cool.  So Tony Stark the man who can build literally anything, the greatest genius of our time, the dude that designs and builds countless iron man suits up to and including one that is elaborate and strong enough to defeat the Hulk couldn’t figure out a way to make a trap that could contain Steve Rogers?  He HAD to spend his time going to recruit a 15 year old boy because Peter’s web fluid is the only possible thing that would stop him?  

+ #3a TONY STARK THE DUDE THAT DESIGNS ALL THE AVENGERS SUITS AND UPGRADES THEIR WEAPONS AND THEREFORE KNOWS ALL THEIR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES couldn’t come up with something better than recruiting a fifteen year old boy to travel across an ocean (after lying to his legal guardian) to fight people who were 100% more combat trained than him.  I’m just saying this exact explanation is why Marvel’s writing pisses me off.

# problem #4: this one isn’t specific to Peter/Airport/Stark but does Marvel actually know there are other characters in their universe that aren’t Tony Stark?  Like maybe, just once, when they need someone to make a controversial decision or be antagonistic toward their Supremely Righteous Dreamsicle, they could call on, idk, I don’t know, maybe LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.  Please, please, explain to me why Tony and Steve never had a relationship that allowed them to talk rationally?  Please explain to me why Black Widow sided with Tony (other than it evened up the numbers).  Please explain to me why any of Civil War had to happen when all that it needed to stop the utter stupidity of the plot was one dude at a check in desk being like: “Um excuse me Mr. Zemo sir, I don’t think you’re the highly vetted and long standing psychological expert that we asked to show up?  You seem to be the leader of a Sokovian Death Squad that’s sort of been on our radar as a Bad Dude for a while and well I just can’t let you past the desk my dude.”

+ problem #5: no.  instead of letting Tony use his brain, letting Tony be effective at his job, letting Tony’s side of this conflict stand a fighting chance of not only genuinely winning but also just making sense they heap Choices Steven Wouldn’t Like on his shoulders: (signing the Accords, keeping Wanda confined, recruiting a 15 year old, trying to kill Bucky...) and they give him a cast of characters that are ‘on his side’ without ever actually, really agreeing with him.  (looking at you Black Widow, looking at you Black Panther.)  Oh and I genuinely loved the gauntlet scene and Tony going out to fight Bucky with nothing but a nice 3 piece suit by why?  why wouldn’t he have an iron man suit considering the circumstances?  or just in general?  WHY.

(+ because the plot said so, that’s why.)

+ in summation, my entire beef with Tony Stark bringing Peter to this fight was that it only makes sense from the point of view of the writers and the company that made the movies.  if you have to cite “well the folks that wrote the book and the publishers that were going to print it said we had to introduce a character so he could have his own novel” you will literally never convince me it’s a good choice.  It’s bad writing.  It’s a pretty fight and I like (this) Spiderman.  But it was a monumentally stupid thing to have done.  Not only did it take extra time to go and fetch Peter (personally) but it endangered a kid that had nothing to do with the conflict.  Removed of ‘but Marvel told them to’ and ‘superhero movies are always like that’ it’s just a stupid fucking choice.  But more importantly, it completely undercuts the things that make Tony great.  Which isn’t a surprise when Marvel’s been steady breaking down Tony’s character to a snarky asshole who can’t accomplish anything but creating problems since Iron Man 2.  

I get it Marvel.  I love Robert Downey Jr’s face too.  Its just I’d also like to see it when he isn’t suffering from a crippling depression brought on by the fact that he’s lost literally everything with any meaning in his entire life.  You know, you remember, Iron Man 1 when Tony was allowed to be a hero?  When he was respected by the plot and the people in it?  

[annashipper]

Showsie Submission

Hey Anna!

Another week in Shamwow land...another couple of not very entertaining interviews from Ben, I note.  And they're back to mocking his fans again, I see *sighs*.

In the remote chance someone from team BC sees this...I'd just like to ask someone to tap Ben on the shoulder and remind him that only lies have detail. If he is insisting on going the shoehorn in every interview, which he seems determined to do for whatever reasons right now...can he please, at least, keep it short and simple?

That way he can move promptly on with doing what he's actually getting paid for...which is to promote the film he's involved in.  Because his seemingly hijacking film  promo to push the 'my family is not a PR stunt' has some unfortunate and unintended consequences.

It gives the impression that Ben is more interested in talking about himself, rather than talking about the project he is a part of. I can imagine that is not likely to impress people with a sense of staunch professionalism.

And the harder he pushes this narrative, the more one wonders why he has to do so, and the more fake it looks.

If Team BC want to give him mass appeal and a career of longevity, selling him to the general public is where they need to aim.  And, as I've mentioned before, the general public don't care if he's married with 50 kids.

They just want him to be entertaining in interviews and offer a good performance in whatever role he's playing in a film, TV show or play.  It won't hurt either if his public persona is quirky or interesting too.  Which it's not right now with the 'family man' image they're pushing to the exclusion of any originality. It's just boring, quite frankly.

I still have a tiny shred of optimism that at some point it's going to look like the adults have taken charge of Brand BC, but it's not looking likely at present.

Here's hoping that changes sometime soon :-)

Hugs to ya, Anna

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope springs eternal Showsie.  And yes, we have to keep reminding Ben and his PR:

ONLY LIES HAVE DETAILS

Hugs back!

[curdinway-blog]

Introduction

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the following: “I just don’t like anime.”

It’s a declaration waged across the lines; from every disparate grouping or individual identity, from family, friends, and acquaintances alike. Chances are if you have not heard this turn of phrase before, you have said it yourself.  But why does Japanese animation often carry such a sullied reputation?  The answer can usually be boiled down to one of four possibilities.

 1. Limited/and or Negative Experiences

Understand that no matter what genre or styling of film there is to be had, there will always be a few pieces that are just…well, garbage.  When I was a kid, my only experience with anime was probably the same as for many; early morning cartoons, with jerky, cheap animations, nonsensical quasi-storylines, and lots and lots of screaming.  Not exactly the sort of thing that will endear most types of people to the medium.  I flipped the channel to One Saturday Morning, watched Recess, and enjoyed my sugar cereal in peace.

The problem with this assertation is that a small sample size will always incur a higher proportion of random chance.  This is universally true no matter what is being talked about.  If you have never watched science-fiction before, and your first experience is Plan 9 from Outer Space, you might come away with the assumption that all science-fiction is ridiculous.  If you have never had Chinese food before, and your first taste is Hundred Year-Old Egg, you will probably decide Chinese food sucks.  If you are driving a Toyota for the first time, and the gas pedal sticks, you will probably wish in retrospect you had never bought a Toyota. You might be right on that count, you might be wrong.  The point is, in each of these cases, you might hold different opinions if you garnered a larger sample size.  You might decide you liked science-fiction after seeing Star Wars or 2001: A Space Odyssey, you might order Chinese takeout again after some General Tso’s Chicken, you might champion the excellent mileage and engine quality of Toyota after buying 5 subsequent Toyota’s.  Provided of course, you were able to bail out in time before the thing flew off a cliff.

For the record, I don’t have anything against Toyota.  I just needed to influx some humor, I’m limited creatively, and it was there.  Onto Numero Dos.

2. Animation Don’t Get No Respect (Well, Here Anyway)

When it comes time for accolades, awards, and recognition, animation clearly gets the Rodney Dangerfield treatment.

Consider the following: since 2000, only two animated films (Toy Story 3 and Up) have earned a Best Picture nomination from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.  The other animated films released during that timeframe?  Spirited Away, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Inside Out, Zootopia…and so on, and so forth. All of these films had over 95% on Rotten Tomatoes’ famed Tomatometer, and a few were listed as some of the best films of the decade by film critics, but apparently did not do enough to warrant a nod.  Last year (2016) saw all 5 nominees for Best Animated Feature crack a Tomatometer score 95% or above.  Not one received a nomination for Best Picture.  

There seems to exist a perception in America that animated features are lesser works.  Perhaps this opinion is perpetuated by a belief that the skill required to painstakingly craft an entire world, often by hand, does not equate to the organizational and logistical challenges of live-action work.  The lack of open-mindedness towards animated works hurts Japanese animation by proxy, regardless of the blatant unfairness involved.

Mystifyingly, while the United States regards the animated form with a rather chilly demeanor, Japan has embraced animation in their culture with open arms, rewarding films such as Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke with the Japan Academy Prize for Best Picture, and oodles and oodles of money at the box office.  This disparity between nations can probably be accounted to a number of factors, but none more so than this:

 3. Animation is for Kiddies

Man, oh man, is this a common reason for disliking anime, and what a frustrating one at that.  Firstly; the assumption is not accurate.  Check out films such as Akira or Ghost in the Shell.  Go ahead, pop those suckers in at daycare.  Email me the aftermath a few days later, I could use a laugh. Secondly; implying that animated works exist solely for younger audiences shoehorns the entire medium into a particular convention, when in fact, it exists across an infinity of styles and genres.  You can have science-fiction in animation.  You can have animations that are dramas, or action-adventures, or comedies. You can have animations that are horror films; yes, horror films!  Check out Perfect Blue.  Regarding any brand of filmmaking as something exclusively for children is close-minded, simplistic, and just plain wrong.

Thirdly; what if an animated film ends up being child-friendly?  So what?  Is that such a bad thing, that you can watch a film with somebody younger than you, and enjoy an experience together, and have meaningful discussions afterward regarding what the film said and did?  It is good for society, to have films that promote such dialogue and social connection.  That is not to say that child-friendly works must be watched exclusively with children either.  The fear of watching something because it might make you seem “immature” or “kiddy” is irrational and silly.  Besides that, films for younger audiences tend to feature themes which are more readily universal and positive, which are good things for one to reflect on no matter their age.  It isn’t always such a bad thing to connect to your inner child; hell, I’m always looking for any way possible to feel younger than I am.

 4. Cultural Differences

This is probably the most understandable and least easily overcome problem regarding anime.  Because the medium is generally produced with Japanese audiences in mind, there can be gaps in understanding, different flavors or tastes to the proceedings which can seem indigestible or “weird”, and even basic language incompatibilities. I find that the more I watch anime, the more I grow to understand and appreciate these differences.  If you find anime to be off-putting, I would suggest starting with something more accessible to western audiences or newcomers. There are a lot of great films which fall into this category, movies that can be enjoyed virtually right off the bat.  Inevitably, the more you watch, the more you expand your horizons.  That is a good thing; for both your film tastes, and your personhood.

I didn’t really get into anime at first.  Obviously, as a kid growing up in the 1990’s, Disney took priority.  It was a good time to be a Disney fan.  As I grew older, Roger Ebert and others piqued my interest in the likes of Pixar, which was consistently putting out some of the best films in the world.  Finally, when I reached college, I began to investigate Japanese animation.  I enjoyed it, but it was Mamoru Hosoda’s sublime film Wolf Children that proved to be a life-changing experience, and flung the door open wide for a literal whole new world of film.  Anime has proved to be a great addition to me; culturally, creatively, and simply from a point of personal happiness.  Recently, I’ve considered that, if not for the writings of people like Roger Ebert or Richard Roeper, I might not have ever given anime a shot.  With that in mind, I decided to write what I call, “12 Days of Anime.”  Each day, proceeding towards December 25th of this year, will feature a different review of a Japanese-animated work.  To simplify things, I am operating with a few ground rules.  One; only feature-length films will be listed, because I simply do not have time to grind through 100+ episodes of television a pop, and most of you probably do not either.  Two; where an English-language dubbed copy and Japanese-language subtitled copy exist, I will default to the dubbed variety, again, to make things more accessible for newcomers.  These films aren’t listed in any particular chronology or order, but I consider all of them great pieces, and they adopt a variety of genres and tones so that no matter your personal tastes, there is something here which may pique your interest. I hope that if you have been resistant towards trying out Japanese anime in the past, are looking to get into something new and enlightening for 2018, or are simply a goofball enthusiast like me, this guide will be of some use and value towards you.

Let’s get started!

-Marcus Ganser

[kjwongsbrain]

What's a pirate's favourite alphabet?

The era of comic book movies is now. We're getting like six of them every year thanks to the combined efforts of Marvel Studios, Warner Brothers and DC playing catchup, and also 20th Century Fox's obligations to keep making ones they want to keep the license over. It's not as if comic books never got made into movies before - in fact you can trace back the movies all the way back to the 50s - but they're thriving harder than ever now and are among some of the most profitable films ever to be made.

It used to be an idea that major actors would often refuse to star as recurring superheros in fear of being typecast into that one role, or have their entire career be recognized for donning on a funny outfit and doing silly moves on camera instead of what some would consider 'true acting'. Some actors often tried breaking out of the mold of Superhero by doing things completely different from that previous role, either by taking on a serious dramatic role, or going to stage shows in order to establish their abilities as an actor instead of a character.

But I'm starting to wonder if that's the case anymore. Seeing the excitement of people like Chadwick Boseman and Tom Holland on being inducted into the ever growing cast of actors that make up the MCU, and then looking at the sheer popularity and success of the movies as well as the genuine appreciation the fans show leads me to believe that maybe the ultimate role for an actor these days is in fact a superhero. The mark of a great career should be one that has a superhero in it. At least once. Only now that Marvel is issuing 6 film contracts, it won't just be once most of the time.

Back before actors signed multi-movie deals with studios like Marvel, I used to worry when an A-list actor was cast as a recurring character in a Marvel movie because it would mean it would be near impossible to get them to come back for another one. Take for instance the current Limbo that Red Skull is in because Hugo Weaving isn't doing it again. Chris Evans has long expressed a desire to finish playing Captain America and move on to new things. Hemsworth on the other hand seems to be enjoying the role just fine.

All that leads us comfortable to Hugh Jackman who now holds the record for playing the same superhero character the most times at 8 (counting the little cameo in First Class). Not only is Jackman one of the most respected castings in superhero history, it's also the role that's really cemented his career in history forever. And if you watch some early interviews with Jackman, he took the gig not knowing how big the role was really going to be.

And so it is with a huge thank you - the kind audiences do for retiring pro wrestlers - that we now come to talk about Logan.

But before we get into it, I must go back to the thought I began with. The era of comic book movies that we are in now can really be traced back all the way to two films that helped really establish what the genre was capable of and what it was going to look like for years to come.

Everyone of course remembers how big and pivotal the Tim Burton Batman film was but there's another one that was equally responsible for studios finally willing to shift a proper amount of resources into making these films - Blade.

Yes, Blade was one of the first few comic book movies that was a proper commercial success. And also the thing Wesley Snipes was famous for before the tax dodging. Blade was a demonstration that comic book movies could be taken seriously and not be too campy and targeted at children, but also staying true to the source material. A lot of people forget just how pivotal Blade is in regards to the shape and feel of comic book movies today.

That being said, in this almost 30 year period now since Batman and Blade, comic book movies have done a lot of evolving. With Blade and Batman being the first commercial successes, studios started thinking about the ingredients in those films that led to their success. This is the primary factor that influenced the design of the first really big superhero film, the first X-men. I love the first X-men. I have a very special place in my heart for it because of how many things it did right, and how much it helped usher in the world of the MCU we have today. But I've always felt that the early X-men movies missed a beat by taking what Blade and Batman did and applying it too directly into what was originally a bright and colorful world.

This would later be fixed when Marvel took its chances by delivering Iron Man and audaciously painting him bright gold and red instead of turning him black like the new Robocop. Marvel took steps into bringing the look of the original comics back into their world and the move was celebrated by fans. Fans, like me, were incredibly excited by the vibrant image the new era of the MCU presented, especially in comparison with the much darker, bleaker, and paler DC universe.

This went on to make Disney and Marvel billions of dollars in ticket sales, and also in the ridiculous merchandising arm of the franchise. But with that merchandising arm being such a big factor, there also was the long debate about content rating in the movies. While children were buying the toys in heaps and droves, it was really the adult comic fans that were propelling the series forward. Their loyalty to the franchise was something that was consistently bankable and Marvel knew this.

The problem now was that Marvel had to toe the line between creating films that were family friendly, but never straying too far into the kid friendly content of the early years (pre 1989) that the adult fans would lose interest. And they have done so brilliantly, but that involved navigating around and away from some of the grittier material that comics have long included in their storylines.

Then came Deadpool. Which isn't the first R-rated comic book movie by any chance. Heck, the genre defining Blade was R-rated. But there wasn't an audience as big as the one today to celebrate the fact that R-rated comic book movies could be great. And so the evolution of comic book movies has now come full circle. With dozens of movies already hitting the merchandisable market, fans have been clamouring for movies to adopt some of the more adult themes and presentations that they've enjoyed for years in the comics.

And so Deadpool delivered. It was the right time and piece of material for it to be a smash hit success. With studio executives still nervous, Deadpool's success meant that directors and actors who dreamed of making some of the more adult-themed material had the guts to push for it. And so we have Logan. And Logan's a big big hit looking at the opening weekend. And I think that rather than helping make the film better, the R-rating really made things worse for Logan.

Hear me out.

The first fifteen minutes or so were probably in the film solely to piss off some producers who went into the meeting thinking that they could still rein in Jackman and Mangold who were hell bent on making an R-rated film. What with the outrageous amount of violence in the opening scene, and then the outrageous amount of swearing between two characters that have never done so in the history of their appearances on screen. I don't find it difficult to watch Logan run his mouth, but when Charles and Logan are having a spat at each other, swearing like sailors, that ruined the moment for me.

It's not that I don't believe either of them were capable of it either, but it's simply that without any progression from one incarnation to another, it almost felt shoehorned in there solely to validate the R-rating. And then after those ridiculously out of character fifteen minutes have gone by, the film actually starts out properly.

That bummed me out harder than anything. And as the movie went on, the only question I had to keep asking myself was whether the R-rating was necessary. And I think it really wasn't. Wolverine has taken down his enemies 6 times prior to this film and nobody complained. Nobody complained that you couldn't see his claws rip people's heads off and spear through different body parts. Wolverine has existed without the necessity for on-screen violence in this capacity without complaint. And so, by that logic, none of the extra violence really added anything to the film. The strengths of the movie rested in the three main characters of Charles, Logan and Laura. And that story is actually a beautiful story. There were heavy emotions played out as Charles dies full of regret, and as Logan comes to terms with his humanity and death. And all of those could've been done without a single ounce of gut splatter on screen.

Now why is this such a big deal? Why am I complaining about how unnecessary the R-rating actually is? Isn't it a great way to show just how far comic book movies have come after all these years and isn't great that we can have these films like Logan and Deadpool made?

Yes. Deadpool was perfect. Deadpool is a ridiculous character that genuinely needed to be expressed in a ridiculous way in order for it to work.

Logan? Nope. Just think about it for a second. If the scenes that made Logan an R-rated movie were simply ingratiating violence and language, what did it do to make the movie better? The best parts of the movie were the ones that had nothing to do with any of that. Sure the scene of Logan swearing and bashing the shit out of his car helped convey some raw emotion concerning the death of Charles, but hundreds of movies have done the same without uttering a single word even.

And this is a problem because people are celebrating Logan for the wrong reasons. Pretty soon we'll want an R-rated Batman. And then an R-rated Avengers simply because we think that the R-rating is a gateway into better stories and still maintaining financial credibility.

And then what will we give our children?

I made this similar argument when people were celebrating Adi Shankar's ridiculous Power Rangers short. The adult thinking that everything is immediately improved by making it darker, grittier, more violent, and more sexual. It's the natural growing up of the things we've enjoyed as children. And the same people would lament that kids these days don't have the same kind of complex characters that we did.

Well, how the heck do you share Wolverine with your children if his greatest achievement is buried in Logan? Imagine your kid watching the new X-men cartoons and coming to love Wolverine as a character the same way you did, and then finding out that a brand new Wolverine movie came out and hearing how great it was, only to be told that he or she can't see it.

Look, I get that there's a natural divide that will always happen when stories like these appeal to the widest of audiences of all cultures and ages. But I do personally think that going R is never the right thing to do for a character that is as important and incredible as Wolverine. There are always more ways to approach adult themes and messages in a movie that do not have to resort to R-ratings. Take 'A Monster Calls' as an example. That movie deals with some of the most difficult themes even I as an adult have seen on screen, and it does all this with the appeal of a fictional monster and a PG-13 rating.

And without the R-rating hook to rely on, Logan becomes decidedly average. I'd say it was almost identical to 2013's The Wolverine in terms of story, pacing, and design. It would seem that Mangold really didn't do much to improve The Wolverine other than tack on a whole bunch of on screen slashing and swearing. It wasn't boring enough to send me to my phone, but it wasn't exciting enough to really keep me interested. There were some mysteries here and there like the events a year ago at Westchester, and also the real cause of Logan's illness, but none of them really had any bearing on the story at all.

And so Logan lands in the pit of 'meh' for me. Not really anything to shout about. It will be sad saying goodbye to perhaps two of the most perfect pieces of casting ever in the world of Marvel. It is also a bit of a mystery as to what the future of the X-men franchise will look once the final movie between the two major X-men casts is fleshed out. Will we see the new mutants? Will the entire X-men universe reboot itself? It's hard to know.

A fun fact to end this piece is something I just learned recently. Some of my friends were lamenting that Hugh Jackman never once donned the famed Wolverine black and yellow suit and mask. But, it was teased in an alternate ending in The Wolverine. It actually makes an appearance instead of just a snarky joke mention and it looks beautiful. Go check it out.

In the meantime, here's to waiting for 2017's MCU showings to finally hit the screen.