#tomorrow is the my personal favourites roundup!

[newmusickarl]

Top 50 Albums of 2023: Honourable Mentions

I’ve spent most of this year thinking to myself that 2023 hasn’t been a hallmark one for music – I think I was wrong.

With 2022 serving up some of my favourite records in recent years and most of my favourite artists releasing new music that delivered on high expectations, I sort of had in mind that 2023 just wasn’t as strong by comparison. But in the process of compiling my annual Top 50 Albums of the Year, revisiting songs and thinking back on the live performances I’ve seen, I’ve been reminded of the sheer depth of quality music we’ve been gifted over the last 12 months.

In 2022 I listened to more new music than any other year I can remember and it seems I pretty much matched this personal best again in 2023. My Apple Music Replay tells me I’ve listened to 733 albums from 884 different artists, 4,835 different songs and a whopping 39,935 minutes of music. Whittling this mass of great music down hasn’t been easy, which is why this year I’m taking a slightly different approach to my year-end countdown. Instead of focussing on just the albums with the daily Top 50 in the build-up to the new year, I’m going to celebrate all the mediums of music I’ve enjoyed instead.

From my own tally that I keep every year, I’ve consumed over 240 newly released Albums & EPs from 2023, listened to around 2,500 songs and witnessed 115 live performances (and counting!) over the last 12 months as well. This has given me the impossible task of choosing my year-end champions in terms of albums, EPs, songs and live shows of the year. The songs will come in playlist form later in the month along with a roundup of my favourite EPs and live shows of the year, but for now I’m beginning with the best albums that the year had to offer.

As ever, these albums come from a multitude of genres (pop, rock, indie, hip-hop, R&B, electronica, shoegaze, punk and post-punk - it’s all here!) so although there is a good chance you won’t enjoy everything on this list, hopefully there is at least something for everyone to enjoy. Of course, the variety also makes it very difficult to rank one above the other, so don’t get too hung up on the placements. Generally, I’ve favoured the albums that:

Had the biggest impact on me and the wider music world in the last 12 months

Had ambition or something unique to offer

I played the most during the year

Ultimately produced my favourite front-to-back listening experience

Before the countdown officially starts tomorrow with the albums that finished 50-41, I wanted to just shout out the albums that I thoroughly enjoyed this year but ultimately just missed out on the Top 50 spots. Essentially these albums would’ve made up the 100-51 placings if I had the time spare to do an even bigger countdown. However as I don’t, here they are as my 50 Honourable Mentions for 2023 in alphabetical order:

Alex Lahey - The Answer Is Always Yes

Arborist - An Endless Sequence of Dead Zeros

Baby Queen - Quarter Life Crisis

BC Camplight - The Last Rotation of Earth

Bdrmm - I Don’t Know

Black Pumas - Chronicles of A Diamond

Boygenius - The Record

Circles Around The Sun - Language

The Coral - Sea of Mirrors

Danny Brown - Quaranta

Declan Welsh & The Decadent West - 2

Depeche Mode - Memento Mori

Empty Country - Empty Country II

Fenne Lily - Big Picture

Fiddlehead - Death Is Nothing To Us

FIZZ - The Secret To Life

Foo Fighters - But Here We Are

Gabriels - Angels & Queens

Gaz Coombes - Turn The Car Around

Gorillaz - Cracker Island

The Hives - The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons

Holding Absence - The Noble Art of Self Destruction

Hot Mulligan - Why Would I Watch

Jadu Heart - Derealised

James - Be Opened By The Wonderful

Janelle Monae - The Age of Pleasure

Jayda G - Guy

Kevin Abstract - Blanket

Killer Mike - MICHAEL

Lanterns on the Lake - Versions of Us

M83 - Fantasy

Metallica - 72 Seasons

Nile Marr - Lonely Hearts Killers

Noname - Sundial

nothing, nowhere - VOID ETERNAL

Paws - PAWS

RAYE - My 21st Century Blues

Sampha - Lahai

Shame - Food For Worms

Sigur Ros - ATTA

Sleaford Mods - UK Grim

The Slow Readers Club - Knowledge Freedom Power

Somebody's Child - Somebody's Child

Squid - O Monolith

Sundara Karma - Better Luck Next Time

We Are Scientists - Lobes

Wild Nothing - Hold

The Xcerts - Learning How To Live And Let Go

Yo La Tengo - This Stupid World

Zivi - Lost In Love

So that’s what didn’t quite make it - see you back here tomorrow to find out the first ones that did!

[sanstropfremir]

by request, the first post-kingdom stage roundup! this one is a best to worst by group!

some introductory notes:

i’m not going to be ranking the 100sec stages in here because they are too different of a scale. but i will be talking about them as a part of the process. i’m not going to be including the team stages here either, since i talked about them in my episode seven and eight reviews and i do think they stand separately from the individual group stages, because we don’t know who the creative teams were behind them. this is not meant to be an overall best of all the performances, i’m intending this more to be a look each of the groups’ stages overall; seeing how they adapted and improved and how effective the trajectory of their journey as a whole was. also, a very important definition to make right at the start so i don't have to explain it every time: by ‘worst’ i do not mean the stage was actually bad. by ‘worst’ i literally mean ‘not the best.’ if i break it down, i’m ranking these by ‘most amount of successful components’ to ‘least amount of successful components.’ there were no stages that were actually bad or unwatchable; they were all successful in one way or another, but some of them more so. i’m ordering these in my own personal ranking of reverse who did the best overall, which obviously is not how the actual show rankings went down, but we all know my thoughts on the official rankings.

in case you want to catch up and read my more in depth thoughts, here’s all of my episode reviews: one, two (with added tbz costume breakdown), three, four, five, seven, eight, nine, ten! oh and also here’s my very first review of the dance solo performance film, since i’m also going to be referencing this a bit.

tbz

monster - the least involved with their overarching story concept and it’s stylistically the most interesting because it’s a departure from the glittery royalty concept we have primarily seen them in. it also helps that it’s a great song that they did a relatively good cover of.

kingdom come - the solidity of the choreo is the thing that puts this stage up here, because it’s some of their best. and it’s not as explicitly reliant on the game of thrones theme as their other stages.

o sole mio - this has real potential as a good small concept vaudeville themed stage; it starts off really strong and then they blow it by shoehorning in the unnecessary lore.

no air - they tried to start off with a big conceptual bang in the first round with a semi-explicit narrative, but it relies entirely too much on the viewers knowing the references for it to make any sense.

to be honest, i’m not that surprised about how tbz constructed their stages and how they turned out. i know a lot of people have been disappointed with how lackluster their stages have felt in comparison to their rtk ones, and i think that’s fair because i agree, i don’t think they ever captured the same energy they did for danger or for shangri-la. if you’ve been following along (or have just read all my reviews now) than you know most of my complaints about how tbz have been working with their lore and concepts, so i won’t rehash them here. but i do think it’s warranted to point out that theoretically, being first in rtk would logistically put you at the bottom of the initial ranking for kingdom. i know they’re not technically the youngest group, but in the execution of their stages in comparison, it does make sense to me that they come out looking as the most inexperienced group. even though they were intending to have a similar overarching story like they did on rtk, it was not at all very fleshed out and there wasn’t a strong enough connection between that story, the themes of their stages, and the narrative shapes of those stages. which is a shame because they are not unskilled performers, and they have the most members of all of the groups on the show, so they had a lot of opportunity to be doing interesting choreo and blocking work that never seemed to materialize. i also think they never truly got used to the size of the stage in comparison to the rtk stage, and they were always struggling to fill it in an intentional way. they tried valiantly to recoup their ground and bring everything together in a full circle for their last stage, and even though they somehow came in second, i think by the finale they had been worn down and lost a lot of their steam. it also doesn’t help that they lost a member to injury right near the end, which can be very demotivating, especially for a young group.

skz

god’s ddu du ddu du - the most stylistically different and interesting of the bunch, with a lot of interesting elements and well designed movement, even if the overall arc was half baked and lackluster

i’ll be your man - this was an actual attempt at a departure from their normal bluster and even though it never makes it all the way there and they don’t do that great of a cover, it’s different enough.

wolfgang - although watchable for hilarity and/or cringe value, nothing about this stage demonstrates a significant amount of growth from the first one. it fact it just feels like they injected a load more money and time into the premise of their 100sec stage, without any of the reflection that this kind of circular final stage concept should have. it’s exactly the stage of a group that’s been propelled to first in every round through an artificially inflated system.

god’s menu/side effects - the most scattered of all their stages. there’s not quite enough material to tie everything together and it feels underformed.

we all knew what the outcome of the show was going to be the moment that very first round of fan voting came in. now i don’t actually care about final outcome of the show, because the most valuable experience of a show like this is learning from what your competitors around you are doing and how to improve your work for further rounds. if the ranking system had been solely expert + judges based, all of the weekly rankings would have looked a lot different and skz would have actually had a chance to grow from this experience. but because they have the biggest and most aggressive fandom, their stages constantly ended up in first place and they never actually had the opportunity to sit back and reflect on their performances to figure out how they can do better. because the truth of the matter is that they did not have the best performances on the show. they consistently made stylistically stagnant stages and never managed to correct any of the issues that have been plaguing them since the 100sec round. the closest they got was god’s ddu du ddu du, which was aesthetically the most different and had the most interesting subversions of the stage format, even if it ultimately fell flat because they still missed the mark on managing the shape of the narrative. if you watch all their stages back to back you’ll see that there’s an overreliance on the same types of stylistic decisions and thematic elements, including in the sound and feel of the work. this is a bit hard to explain, but even though the stages all look different, they don’t convey any nuanced emotion or intention other than ‘stray kids world domination.’ now nuanced intention is not necessary for a kpop song performance, but skz took it upon themselves to try and tackle some fairly complex thematic ideas, which is commendable, but they fall flat because the members themselves don’t know how to act. and acting is supremely important when you are doing themed stages. i talked about this same principle in this response about orange caramel and wjsn chocome, but most newer idols don’t approach performing as a character, they approach performing as themselves, and skz are big victims of this. that’s why even i’ll be your man, where they do actually attempt to be a bit more nuanced in their delivery, still comes off like all their other stages. they don’t ever push themselves beyond their performance boundaries (physically yes, obviously. i mean mentally) and so every stage has a little checklist of skz-specific personality traits that round out in the bigger picture to the same general feel. this kind of strategy works great for music shows and for general promotion because it’s super marketable, but in this particular setting, where we spend an extended amount of time with all the groups, it doesn’t facilitate the same amount of growth that letting those of personas go would.

ikon

at ease - really clear cumulation of their performance, group colour, and design elements over the entire show.

classy savage - well designed and decorated with an interesting concept, but has a few flaws that keep it from being their best work.

inception - again, very well designed; the set is so inventive and features a lot of carefully blocked movement, plus the colour palette is tight and used effectively, it just doesn’t reach the same scale as the latter two stages.

love scenario/killing me - it’s the first stage and it clearly suffers from a bit of underd evelopment as they were getting used to the format of the show. it’s still an interesting and well performed stage with the start of elements that we can see them develop further in the next rounds.

ikon had the most lackadaisical attitude toward the whole show, which i think was the best way to approach it, but also they didn’t really push much beyond their boundaries as performers. i’m not faulting them for not wanting to, they’re a very well established group and honestly don’t really need improve on anything. they did however, do a really great job of improving on their design quality and intergration after the first round, which is the one thing that this program definitely facilitates for. they’re also the only group where their finale stage was demonstrably their best stage, so they really did nail that slow improvement progression. they got what they wanted out of the show, which was new friends and a chance to make some fun stages that they wouldn’t have otherwise been able to. like i think i’ve said in every other review, there’s not that much to say about them as a whole because they just put their noses to the grindstone and did the work while maintaining a chill and fun demeanour, and those efforts paid off even if they didn’t end up ranking very high.

sf9

the stealer - great integration of theme into narrative and design, small scale concept with big impact.

believer - smart use of camera work and choreography in conjunction with the design elements. although not very narrative focused, it’s a clear and thoughtful elaboration on their intro stage that’s very well executed.

move - a risky choice that pays off fairly well for them, even if it doesn’t capture all the depth that it could have.

jealous - it’s their first stage of the competition and the first time they had worked on something of this scale before, so it only makes sense that it’s the weakest of their run. despite that, it shows a strong understanding of an unusual concept and it still holds up.

sf9 were the clear underdogs of everyone and the rankings pretty clearly reflected that. but as a group they really put in the work to improve their skills and i think they showed the most dramatic improvement of everyone, especially between the first and second rounds. they repeatedly made comments about how they were focused on creating good stages and it paid off. their stages were all conceptually and visually interesting without relying on much external lore or overly dense themes, even if some of them were more effective than others. they had a lot of strong emphasis on costume in particular and they were very well styled. their finale stage was a very clear synthesis of all of the experience and knowledge they gained over the course of the show and it wraps a neat aesthetic and thematic bow on their journey. they absolutely did not deserve last place; they were the ones hardest hit by the fan voting system and i hope that the group doesn’t internalize the official outcome too much, because they did a lot of good work that they should be proud of and deserves a higher due than it was given.

ateez

rhythm ta - simple concept with a clear narrative that uses a lot of visual referencing as exposition without being cluttered and too reliant on the source material. impeccable use of limited design elements to create atmosphere and it’s a strong reinvention of the song.

wonderland - an absolute banger of a first stage that does all the same things as rhythm ta just to a slightly less polished scale.

ode to joy - both stylistically and tonally a departure, this stage relies a lot on group lore but also has a very clear message that was surprising for its maturity and temerity.

the real - purposefully pulled back in scale and ambition as a pointed critique of the competition as a whole. looser in design aesthetic synthesis but has more freedom for the members to show more dynamism in the group’s abilities and colour.

the youngest of the six groups, i don’t think anyone was expecting ateez to come out swinging in the way that they did. oh, we were all expecting them to put up a fight, but i know that i wasn’t expecting much beyond the capabilities of what we’d seen from skz and tbz, since they all share the dubious honour of being similar aesthetic performance based fourth gen groups. but oh baby did they prove us all wrong. the fact that they have incredible performance abilities and stage presence is what carried them half of the way, but they also proved to have a top notch creative team working behind them that knew how to visually craft a great performance. wonderland and rhythm ta are two of the smartest designed stages, and i’d put rhythm ta as the best designed stage, because it does so much in such a small amount of time. this ranking was tough because all of their stages intentionally prove a point and i dont think there are any that are demonstrably weaker. wonderland and rhythm ta served to prove that they had the capacity to keep up with their seniors, and that they were ambitious and hungry and had a solid team foundation. both stages ranked them first in non-fan judging and once they saw how the fan judging skews the final results, they smartly and ambitiously made a choice in the round BEFORE the finale to make a stage that rebuffs the laurels of the competition show they were at the pinnacle of, specifically for their fans. there is so much care and thought put into the ode to joy stage that it feels wrong to rank it as their third best, especially when it also contains one of the greatest 40 seconds of acting i’ve ever seen on a kpop stage. just the dichotomy of the stage’s melancholy feel with the choice of song is so compelling, and in its context as a part of the whole now the show is over.... i’m out of words. the brain on the person who came up with this, i would LOVE to talk to them. and having the real as a followup stage? where they have the freedom to have fun and be stylistically themselves while thumbing their noses at the show? a perfect follow up and rounding out of the expression of their abilities.

btob

back door - perfect. simple concept and simple narrative extremely well executed. excellent attention to detail and atmosphere.

show and prove - perfect reflection of their journey on the show as a whole.

blue moon - same as back door, just with a slightly larger scale.

missing you - only last because it doesn’t have the same strength of narrative and design concept as the other three stages. it’s still a better stage than 80% of the stages on the show.

we all know this, but btob are the real kings. all of their stages were phenomenal and they all hit my personal top ten, so this ranking is more of a ‘which stage was the best of the best.’ they did an incredible job of playing to their strengths and they knew exactly what they needed to do in order to craft the best performance. this was actually very difficult for me to decide because they never fucking missed. watching missing you for the first time in like two months smacked me right upside the head because that stage is beautiful. the intro in the forest with changsub and eunkwang is fucking gorgeous; the lighting and atmospherics are so effective and the trees do an incredible job of obscuring the stage architecture. and their costumes. this stage screams elegance in a way that no other stage managed to capture and this was the first round. and i’m putting last on this list, which should be telling about the quality of their work. and honestly it only goes up from here. they took that one maybe valid expert critique that they got of utilizing more narrative and they RAN with it. i put back door as first because it juuuuust inches out blue moon and show and prove for smart camera work, but honestly all three of these stages could take top spot, they’re of equal rank.

btob came into this show at a pretty distinct disadvantage: they’re old, and there’s only four of them. and as we know, thanks to rtk and the fourth gen groups, this show has a reputation for big acrobatic blowout spectacles, which is just not something they can do. but they also had a distinct advantage: they’re old and there’s only four of them. they very smartly foresaw that they wouldn’t be able to compete with the fourth gen groups in athletic ability, so they specifically chose to highlight the areas they were the strongest in, which you can see right from the start. their intro stage specifically highlights their vocals, and even in minhyuk’s dance solo the design is music show themed, as a gentle reminder that they know how to work a stage. and as the show progressed they started to solidify that assumption. they used narrative extremely well to give their stages an element of emotional investment that kept the audience engaged without banking on individual idols’ popularity to keep them afloat, and spent their time on the show being gracious and generous competitors, intent on being as watchable offstage as they were on. and it worked. by the time the finale rolled around, we knew who these men were and we had seen them be individuals, so they were able to cast off the need to play to narrative and to character and instead they were able to loop back around to that very first stage; simple, clean, emphasis on vocals, with a very important addition of uniformity. the current trend in kpop costuming is to have group members dressed similarly, but not exactly the same, partially in order to be able to everyone apart, but also because the ‘sameness’ of the boy band model has fallen by the wayside. btob took all their previous stages where they had clearly been individuals and as the culmination of their journey they chose to look exactly the same, to clearly send a message that they are a singular unit and they are proud of that. and they absolutely stuck the landing. this was a perfect run for btob, they should be really fucking proud of the work they did.

[monstersandmaw]

I still had one minute left of Wednesday here in the UK, which means that this still went up on 'early release Wednesday' for you!!

You may recall the first chapter that I posted as an unedited WIP (Tumblr link) a while ago and had lots of encouraging comments about and some interest in seeing more from Vilugh and the prince. So, here it is! Sorry it's a bit late - things have just been nuts here lately. I wanted this to be the final chapter, but... plot happened. So... there'll be more in the future!

Content: continuing on from last time where our scholarly prince with the unfathomably dickish king for a father was told he was going to spend six months with the orcs, we see Vilugh again, meet his sister, and finally, get to the encampment.

Wordcount: exactly 4000.

I’ll do a roundup post of everything that went up on Patreon in July tomorrow, but I have to say my favourite thing has been the CYOA with the male rainbow naga witch, Gabriel. Things just got really exciting....!

[rmitcordelia]

readings roundup

I have fallen off the wagon a little when it comes to the readings for this class, but since all the cafes shut down (and with it my job), I’ve had a little extra time on my hands and I have been flicking through the different books and images that Karen assigned to us. In this post, I am going to post a few of my favourite articles, quotes and images that I have consumed in the past couple of weeks. 

1. ‘What is a Designer?’ by Bruno Namari

‘The designer is therefore the artist of today, not because he is a genius but because he works in such a way as to re-establish contact between art and the public. He responds to the human needs of his time and helps people to solve certain problems without stylistic preconceptions or false notions of artistic dignity’

This article really went into great depth and detail about the role of. designer in society, offsetting them from the historic role of an artist and their purpose in recording history and following movements at the time. Rather, the designer is one of the people by helping them solve problems and issues through design, working in a sector of human activity. 

2. ‘A Living Language’ by Bruno Namari

‘A rose is a rose is a rose. You go up and see it, for the sake of argument, that it is an artificial rose. Then you become aware of the material it is made out of, cloth, plastic or paper. But at first glance you were certain of one thing only, that it was a rose.’

This reading I think is trying to portray the message that in this current age we are so conditioned to everything around us, and we do it without even thinking. Moreover, the rose, no matter real or artificial or what it is made out of, is still simply a rose in the persons mind. In design, we draw on these preconceptions and held notions to create impactful designs.

3. ‘Industrialisation of Print’ by Elizabeth Wilhide

‘The Human Firefly’ by Janice Kerbel, 2007 (source: http://digbeyond.com/readme/PDF/RM_Design_Musuem_Industrialization_of_type.pdf)

I thought this poster was really cool as a recreation of what a printed material would have looked like after the early industrialisation pf print in the nineteenth century. the many different typefaces show the explosion of font that was now available and viewed by the public after the beginning of mass production. 

4. ‘What is Design?’ by Charles Eames (1972)

‘What are the boundaries of design? What are the boundaries of problems? Is design a method of general expression? No. It is a method of action.’

These two statements from legendary designer Charles Eames are short but powerful. Design is only limited by the problem that is solving. He asserts that Design is an action, one that a designer undertakes, an expression of the purpose. Interestingly, when asked about the future of the design, Eames simple sent back (no answer). 

5. ‘The Politics of Design’ by Paul Rand (1981)

‘Unlike the salesman, however, the designers overriding motivation is art; art in the service of business, art that enhances the quality of life and deepens the appreciation of the familiar world. Design is a problem solving activity. It provides a means of clarifying, synthesising and dramatising a word, a picture, a product or an event.’

Rand, similarly to Namari, connects designers directly with their audience. Designers serve the needs of the population, and are the artists of function, and it is about creating a design that has a purpose - people can look at it and understanding the message or information that you are trying to convey. Design is also se in layers; what may be an obvious interpretation can often have subtle or underlying messages and movements embedded in the visuals. 

6. ‘How to Work Better’ by Fischli and Weiss (1991)

(source: https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2016/05/how-to-work-better/)

This street installation, which was actually mentioned during the most recent lecture, is text found on a factory in Thailand and has been reproduced all around the world. The steps are simple, but hold meaning. I think everyone can learn from these 10 simple steps, that are easy to implement in our own lives. My favourite is ‘Do one thing at a time’. I am often guilty of switching between projects too quickly, and never getting into that ‘flow’ of work which we all strive for. 

7. ‘To Criticise or Intervene’ by Seth Price (2009)

‘Artists rummage through the toolkits of past artists for approaches they may make use of. For those reasons, the modern idea of a renovated ruin may be more relevant for art than the nineteenth-century model of picturesque decay.’

Price holds a valid point in his article comparing historic and modern design. Is it better to look to the past, or look to the future? Price argues that the past can be beautiful, and hold importance which we can learn from, but we must create. Newness is refreshing, engaging, and will become the history of tomorrow. We may look to nostalgia and find comfort in what we already know but we will only succeed in design when we experiment and develop. 

[onedirectionbigbang]

Are all missing fics being posted today? Or are some being posted tomorrow ?

Everything that will be posted will be up by the end of the day today. Tomorrow will be our weekly roundup. Two fics have already gone up today:

awake and unafraid by you_explode

It's 2007, Harry's seventeen, his favourite band is My Chemical Romance, and he's in love with his best friend. (an emo au set from 2006 - 2009)

The F Word by louistomlinsons and Thingssicant

When Louis finds himself at a party for the first time after his boyfriend cheated on him, the last person he expects to meet is Harry. They hit it off immediately, conversation flowing all night. Louis finally thinks he’s ready to jump back into the dating scene, when a wrench gets thrown in his plan. Harry has a boyfriend. Or, a movie AU based on the F word.

[thisislizheather]

Navigating November 2019

I love being in the middle of the holiday season. So many get togethers, fat-ass blankets are on the bed, the snow is on its way, presents are coming, I love it all. It’s finally time for reflection and to celebrate the entire year that has come and gone. It’s the best time of the damn year. So excited for December to start. Here’s what happened last month:

Chrissy Teigen started her own website and though I haven’t tried any of her recipes on it yet, I intend to soon. I’ll likely start with this Lemon & Walnut Pasta since it’s been pretty popular. One thing I do like so far about the site? The newsletter that she emails out. She gives restaurant recommendations in them, which I happen to love.

I rewatched The Game and it’s still as great as I remembered. Michael Douglas can do no wrong.

Quick question: does anyone ever change up their makeup routine? I want to and don’t know how. I’m thinking maybe I’ll go the YouTube-tutorials route, but they can be so boring. Any suggestions welcome. I do not want to watch James Charles. His face bothers me.

I tried the Hard Kombucha from Trader Joe’s and it’s absolutely nothing special at all. The regular non-alcoholic stuff is way tastier.

I rewatched Rosemary’s Baby (I first saw it as a teenager and did. not. enjoy. it.) and surprise surprise: adult-me didn’t enjoy it either. It’s just really frustrating to watch. Mia Farrow makes all these terrible decisions and her husband has sex with her when she’s unconscious (???) and it’s just a lot. Must remember to never watch again.

We bought a new couch! It’s been a very big deal.

The TWA Hotel just keeps getting cooler: they’re going to have an ice skating rink this winter.

Love this cartoon:

Above Photo: Elilis Rosen, The New Yorker

I tried the Staten Island-style pizza at Joe & Pat’s in the East Village and it was good, but nothing to write home about. Skinny pizza is skinny pizza.

We haven’t watched any old Twilight Zone episodes in forever, probably because we forgot about it but also maybe because I think we’ve already seen all the good ones. But we recently watched The Long Morrow episode (mainly because it’s mentioned in a Gilmore Girls episode where it’s noted how romantic this episode is supposed to be) and WOOF. It fucking blew! I was pissed. I should’ve known it would suck though because it was “Logan’s favourite episode.” Serves me right.

I tried these cauliflower crackers from ALDI and whoa. Greatest cracker. This was also the first time I’ve ever been to an ALDI and I was expecting a bit more, to be honest. It’s just a dumpy grocery store? Why all the caps?

I’ve been following this woman Arielle for a few years now and I like her a lot. She used to work for Buzzfeed and that’s where I’d first heard of her (don’t judge me) and now I just sort of like to keep up with her life and what she’s doing. Very sweet, likable person to follow. This sounds vague as hell, but I’m really just mentioning it here because I feel like it’s hard to come across good people to follow who don’t make you feel bad about your own life and are sort of inspiring.

You know how you’ll buy something that’s supposed to change your life and you use it for a week and then never again? Yeah, that’s me with every single thing on my dresser. ANYWAY, I’ve actually started to use the Origins GinZing Eye Cream every night for the past little while and it really works, I think. (God, this just reminded me that I need to start remembering to put on neck cream. I can’t remember where I heard someone say that no one cares about their neck when they’re young and then WHAM one day your neck looks like that of an elderly turkey.)

I really thought I wanted to buy this new Frozen Colourpop palette but then I realized that I actually only want that colour in the middle, soooo I might just get this Huda palette in Topaz instead. (Yeah, I just bought it.) I’m very in the mood to do holiday makeup this year.

I think I’ve decided that there are way better eyeliners out there than Fenty’s Flyliner. It sticks to your eyelashes so that a coat of mascara can’t go on smoothly! It sucks. There! I’ve said it! Still love the sponge, though.

I rewatched The Day After Tomorrow and I’ve gotta say… I love movies like these. Dante’s Peak. Twister. This one. Love watching the world get all fucked up. But really, did climate change WRITE this movie? It’s great.

I have been watching so much Living Single and maaaaaaaan, this show’s perfect. It’s funny, it’s got heart, it’s not a typical kind of sitcom, there are minimal white people, it’s got it all! Love it so much. Wish reruns were easier to find on TV.

Hulu is having a sale right now where it’s $2/per month for a year. Yeah, that can’t be right. Check it out, might be worth it. Sale ends Monday December 2nd.

I am in love with these socks I got from Express. Love a smooth, soft sock in the wintertime.

I posted about my trip to New Orleans last month.

I made this Melt In Your Mouth Chicken and it was actually pretty good. Never would’ve even thought about coating chicken in yogurt.

I rewatched Big and of course I love this movie, it’s got a wish-granting robot machine in it. I should’ve wrote this damn movie!

Words can’t fully describe how much I love the Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas themed episodes of Bob’s Burgers. They’re always the best.

I watched Rumble in the Bronx and wow. Just a fun movie. Best part is by far the moment he launches a toddler out of harm’s way.

I went to Mister Paradise in the East Village and I’m sorry, it’s too expensive to drink in public these days. It’s nuts. One drink should never cost more than $15, have we all gone insane to silently agree to these parameters? And if you’re advertising “fancy sauce” for your fries, it better not be fucking ketchup mixed with mayo. That is some bullshit.

I finished Lindy West’s new book The Witches Are Coming and wrote a post about my favourite parts from it.

I watched True Lies and holy shit, a lot happens in this movie. In a good way. Fun watch.

I tried a sample of this Belief cream and it is luxurious as hell. Feels like it might be the perfect neck cream, too. You know, if you’re looking for that kind of thing (YOU SHOULD BE).

So I watched the Mr. Rogers movie with Tom Hanks and it’s just an unnecessary movie. I’m not hating on Tom Hanks, he’s fine in it (although he looks nothing like the man, it isn’t a good impersonation, the story doesn’t need to be told, ETC.) but it really just didn’t need to be made. A great Mr. Rogers movie already exists. They already did it! That being said, I teared up whenever any of the Mr. Rogers songs were sung. I can’t NOT cry at those songs, I’ve got a beating heart, don’t I?

So when I did Nathan’s podcast earlier this month, we talked briefly about going vegan for a week (we watched The Game Changers documentary) and we did it and now our lives are changed. Hahah, no no no, but that’d be wild. It was a hard week to do (mostly to cut out the dairy) but it did feel really good, so we’re going to try to limit meat and dairy much more strictly and see where that takes us. I promise not to talk about this for the rest of time.

I tried Trader Joe’s Vegan Mozzarella and holy hell, it was bad. Tasted like cooked plastic. Returned it immediately.

In contrast, their vegan butter was really, really good and a great substitution for regular butter.

I will forever love and miss In Living Color.

In true November fashion, I had my Thanksgiving croissant from Momofuku Milk Bar and I got it at their new flagship store in the city that is huge. They also had (vegan) apple pie soft serve that was insanely good and the seasonal pumpkin dulce de leche truffles they have right now are amazing. And the flagship location accepts cash! This better be the start of all the damn locations accepting cash. Don’t GET ME STARTED on places not accepting human cash.

Some thoughts on how to have a cheaper Christmas.

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: I’m going to attempt to make (rather than buy) some of the Christmas gifts I’ve giving this year but we’ll see if this actually pans out, I’m awaiting Jenny Slate’s new book from the library, I definitely have to find time to watch Krampus, putting up the (real) Christmas tree since this is the first year we’re getting a normal, adult sized one, the first day of snow is apparently tomorrow (in NYC) and I’m in looooove with the fact that it’ll also be December 1st when this happens, taking the family Christmas card, I have an obligation to make these Nutella cookies, and I will definitely watch a few of these. Santa, get your ass over here!

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in October over here!

[excerptsfromunfinishednovels]

Excerpts From Unfinished Novels #3: Love Is A Strange And Tentacled Thing Roundup

Hello! Thank you to all my new followers and welcome to the Library of Unfinished Novels! Thanks again for all the likes and reblogs, I really appreciate the support and hope that you are enjoying the work I’m producing! Here’s the roundup for excerpt #3:

Mini-Playlist:

‘Everybody Needs Somebody’ – The Blues Brothers

‘You’re My Best Friend’ – Queen

‘The Dumbing Down of Love’ – Frou Frou

Genre: supernatural romance

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,069

 Excerpt is from around a quarter of the way into the novel.

“Okay I’m done. What do you think?” Jake asked me with a grin as he leaned back from his laptop.

I placed a hand on his shoulder as I leaned down to read over what he’d written. I grimaced as my eyes scanned over the words. “Ummm….”

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, the grin immediately falling from his face.

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

He stared at me flatly until I sighed and said, “It’s just a bit…much.”

“In what way?”

“Well you’re very…honest.”

“I thought it was good to be honest.”

“Not on your dating profile,” I said grimly. “I mean, it’s good to be honest to an extent but there are some things that are better left to when you get to know the person you’re dating better.”

“Oh.”

Jake stared forlornly at the laptop screen, his pitch-black eyes somehow managing to look emotionless and melancholic at the same time. “Maybe I should just forget about this whole thing,” he sighed. “It was a stupid idea in the first place, I mean, my father always said that when I meet the right person I should just drag them to the underworld and make them my undead spouse, but that just doesn’t feel right you know? I want to try dating and romance, and all the other human stuff…which is a completely ridiculous notion.”

“No it’s not,” I said firmly, squeezing his shoulder. “I think it’s great that you finally want to put yourself out there and date and try to find love in the…conventional way.” I looked back at the laptop and waved my hand at it while adding, “What you’ve got here is great, it just needs a little…editing, that’s all. Here, let me help you.”

Jake brightened up and shot me a grateful smile. I pulled up a chair beside him and turned the laptop towards me. I scrolled back up to the top of the profile and started reading aloud.

“Okay, so first of all you’ve said you’re bisexual and genderfluid. That’s definitely the sort of thing you want to be honest about, though you should be aware that it will make finding someone a bit more difficult – there’s still a lot of biphobia in the community and then gender identity is a whole other ballgame, but if you’re not honest about it from the get-go it’ll only lead to issues further down the line. Right, let’s see…okay here, this part needs to change – ‘I wake in the mornings with an urge to devour mortal souls.’”

“But I do. I mean, I never actually do it, but it is my first thought in the morning.”

“It’s just a little intense you know? Like, if I read that I would be afraid that you would end up trying to devour my soul if I ever slept over. Or I’d think you were some sort of crazy serial killer.”

“I see what you mean. So what should I say instead?”

“How about ‘I’m a bit of a grump in the morning.’ And then you could add a cheeky ‘but that could change depending on who I’m waking up next too 😉’”

Jake laughed and nodded. “That sounds good. Okay what next?”

“…Oh, right here, where it asks about your favourite food. You’ve said ‘I feast on the hearts of the mighty beasts I slay.’ First of all, again, very intense. Secondly, most of the time those ‘mighty beasts’ are mice and rats that we’ve caught in our traps, and thirdly you also eat other food.”

“But hearts are my favourite,” Jake protested.

“How about you just put down that you like rare steak.”

Jake sighed and nodded and I quickly made the changes.

We continued through the rest of his profile, editing the highly intense and revealing passages. These included his favourite childhood memory (being taken to witness and glorify ritual sacrifices with his father, an eldritch god), his hobbies (taking on an animal form in order to glory in the primal wildness of nature), his most embarrassing moment (accidentally causing a tsunami during puberty), and his favourite feature (his tentacles). I tried my best to steer him towards focusing on his more human qualities, like his love of scrapbooking, his volunteer work at the dog shelter, and how he was part of a local rugby team. Whenever we butted heads over an answer (he REALLY wanted to mention his tentacles), I would write something vague and semi-misleading as a compromise.

“Okay done,” I said proudly, turning the laptop back to Jake. “What do you think?”

Jake read over the changes that I’d made, and though he tried to keep his face impassive, I could tell that he wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with them.

“What do you not like about them?” I asked as he continued to stare at the screen a frown firmly in place, his lips pursed.

“It’s not that I don’t like them…it’s just that they’re a little vague.”

“It’s mysterious,” I said in my most persuasive tone. “People like a bit of mystery, it gives them something to talk about, a reason for them to want to get to know you. You see, when you fill in a dating profile it’s about giving enough information to reel them in without giving too much away.”

“Why is this so difficult?” Jake whined slumping forward onto the desk. “I mastered ritualistic summoning spells and ancient blood curses by the time I was six, but human dating profile etiquette is beyond my capabilities.”

“That’s why I’m here,” I said soothingly, throwing an arm around his shoulder. “I’m your wing-buddy, your guide to human dating rituals. Whatever it is you need help with just let me know okay?”

“Okay,” Jake replied with a bright smile as he leaned against me. “Thanks Alex.”

“No problem. So, happy to leave the answers as they are?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Just one more thing to do,” I said, pulling out my phone. “You need a profile picture. Up you get.”

Jake grinned and stood up, moving to stand in front of the wall I gestured at. I stood in front of him and held up my phone as he cocked his head to the side and sent me a roguish grin.

“Wait.” I moved forwards and gently rearranged his beard so that his tentacles were hidden from view. “Much better.”

So that’s the end of excerpt #3! If you’ve enjoyed reading this excerpt please like and reblog to help spread the word; I really appreciate all the support!

The teasers and bonus material for excerpt #4 will start being posted tomorrow, hope you’re looking forward to it!

Slán!

C.x

[riseagainphoenix]

#6,8 please!!

(from this end of year fic roundup meme. )

6. What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

“Is that sterile?” Bucky asks.

Miguel turns to say something in response, probably to tell him to shut the fuck up, but then he does a double take when he gets a better look at Bucky, specifically at his arm and at the fact that the blond next to him must be Captain America. “What the fuck kind of mess you got yourself into this time?” he says to Sam instead.

“Literally do not even ask,” Sam says.

Miguel stays off the grid, gets his mail delivered to a PO box instead of his house, doesn’t even have a landline. He doesn’t need to be told twice.

He finds his med kit under a pile of crumpled coats in the hall closet, pulls on one single latex glove almost sarcastically, like he’s making a show of making things sterile just to appease Bucky. He probes Sam’s shoulder and says, “You’re hella lucky this bounced straight into your collarbone without hitting anything important.”

“Can you get it out?"Miguel doesn’t even dignify that with words, just says "Pssshhhh.” A single extraction, indoors, on an unmoving platform without IEDs going off or anyone throwing bombs at them? Walk in the park.

Steve and Bucky flutter around them like nervous birds.

“Wanna make yourselves helpful? Go get us a couple of beers from the fridge,” Miguel suggests.

“Should you be mixing alcohol with morphine?” Steve asks worriedly.

“Oh my god,” Miguel says.

- from A Dangerous Lifestyle. There’s actually a whole lot of bickering between Bucky, Steve, and Sam in that fic that I love, but the Miguel section has a special place in my heart because I’ve never written an OC I like so much before and because I feel like all three characters’ reactions to him showed how their personalities were. This is going to sound like such a self-obsessed thing to say, but my goal when writing humour is always to amuse myself first and most of all, oops.8. Which fic this year was most fun to write?

I spent most of this year writing the aforementioned A Dangerous Lifestyle, so probably that was the most cumulative fun. I also wrote a fic for Yuletide this year that was hilarious (to me–there goes that self-centredness again lol) but I can’t reveal that I wrote it until tomorrow! Suffice it to say it was a crack fic for a small fandom and I’m really happy that others seem to also be laughing. Oh!!!! And way at the beginning of 2016, I wrote a TFA fic called Ten Times General Hux Could Not Kriffing Believe He Was Fucking that Undisciplined Skywalker Scum, which was a lot of fun and very cathartic.

[pussypress-blog]

March Roundup: Women’s History Month

Earlier this month we celebrated International Women’s Day. Girls, you were out in force making one another proud. Women in Seoul protested against workplace harassment, women in Poland fought for their rights to their body, women across the globe participated in a workforce strike, ‘A Day Without a Woman’ (click to read about the time 90% of Iceland did the same). For those unable to get out and rally, voices were heard across social media by sharing love and admiration for women of past and present. This year’s International Women’s Day was loud. Let’s hope the message was clear.

It was great to see so many companies getting involved and celebrating Women’s History Month. One American bookseller turned their shop upside down, or should I say back to front, for the occasion. Loganberry Books in Ohio, US, turned the spines of male-authored fiction away to illustrate the gender gap. The results were powerful - needless to say there was a considerably higher proportion of books shelved backwards than there were the right way round. A case in point for the male dominated book industry. The intent behind having Pussy Press as an exclusively female-authored site is to address and resolve this issue. Loganberry’s demonstration was featured on Elle, Huffington Post, and The Guardian. It seems that people are beginning to recognise the issue.

I am currently reading Roxanne Gay’s Bad Feminist, a collection of personal essays exploring intersectional feminist issues. It is a very good read and covers a lot of ground. She reveals the funny anecdotes, bitter memories, and well-executed thoughts that make her the woman she is today, as well as evaluating in depth why we still need feminism today. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s a good one to dip in and out of if you don’t have time to read it all the way through. One of her chapters is particularly relevant to the publishing discussion, ‘Beyond the Measure of Men’. I wish I could copy and paste the entire thing here because to synopsise would do injustice… you really should go and read the whole thing. In the meantime, here is an extract which struck a chord with me, as a young woman who wants to work in the publishing industry, and affirms my reasoning behind Pussy Press:

“Stop making excuses. Stop saying women run publishing. Stop justifying the lack of parity in prominent publications that have the resources to address gender inequity. Stop parroting the weak notion that you’re simply publishing the best writing, regardless. There is ample evidence of the excellence of women writers. Publish more women writers. If women aren’t submitting to your publication or press, ask yourself why, deal with the answers even if those answers make you uncomfortable, and then reach out to women writers. If women don’t respond to your solicitations, go find other women. Keep doing that, issue after issue. Read more widely. Create more inclusive measures of excellence. Ensure that books by men and women are being reviewed in equal numbers. Nominate more deserving women for the important awards. Deal with your resentment. Deal with your biases. Vigorously resist the urge to dismiss the gender problem. Make the effort and make the effort and make the effort until you no longer need to, until we don’t need to keep having this conversation.”

I want to thank Roxanne Gay for laying it out in black and white, thank the growing number of Pussy Press contributors as we get closer to a more equal playground, and thank the readers for acknowledging and appreciating women writers.

On the 21st, it was lovely to see the hashtag #WorldPoetryDay trending and people sharing their favourite words. Really happy to see lots of Rupi Kaur being spread online. The day was created back in 1999 to stop the death of poetry, and Kaur really has done a good job of making poetry cool through her short poems with beautiful illustrations. She is not afraid to tackle issues surrounding body autonomy head on and is all about female empowerment. The date was also a good time to remember the late Maya Angelou, whose work many people shared. To female poets of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, we rise with you. As Women’s History Month draws to a close, let us remind ourselves of how far we have come. Now, as April rolls in, let’s look forward to where we’re going.

Sarah Wright

[thisislizheather]

April Activities

April is one of the best months. It’s still cool enough to have my winter blanket on the bed, but warm enough to maybe go out without a coat. Nothing is better. Sorry about the weather-talk, but it’d be insane of me not to mention it’s so beautiful out. Onto this month’s happenings! So many things took place!

Firstly, the big news. We’ve moved! Only a few streets away, but into a waaaaay better apartment. It’s almost a joke how much better it is. We were coming from a basement apartment, so pretty much anything above ground floor would impress us, but there are a hundred little details about our new place that I’m in love with. So crazy thankful and happy with it all. We’re still getting settled into the place, but I’m planning on doing a post about all the little things I’m doing to it with the decor and storage and boring things (but oh so fun to me) like that, so keep an eye out for that post coming out most likely before the end of the month. So excited to get this place homey and lovely.

I went to a Rapters game at the Barclays Center and whoa, it was a dumb amount of fun. Nathan met someone in the audience at one of his shows who works at Barclays and got him a few VIP tickets (fifth row from court side!) and it was pretty incredible. There was tons of free food (shriiiiimp!) and soft serve ice cream and beef tenderloin and fancy water and free snacks, it was the best. I could list all the food specifics here, but I don’t want to seem like a dick who thinks she’s better than you (but might be?).

I went to the Glossier flagship store again to try this highlighter aaaaand it was pretty basic, so that was disappointing. I also tried their Boy Brow again and I think that yes, it is a good product. Although is it worth $16? Not sure. I’m still considering Benefit’s mini version for $12, so that’s likely the next eyebrow product I’ll buy/try.

I treated myself and bought the full size version of Laneige’s Lip Sleeping Mask (which is HUGE and should last me eight hundred years) as well as a new Fenty sponge because my old sponge was beginning to look nasty.

I tried the new basil foaming hand soap from Trader Joe’s because that’s an amazing idea for a scent. But the quality of the bottle itself is so cheap, it makes an awful squeaking sound when you use it. Don’t buy.

Loving these two songs lately.

Yes, I hate receiving foundation samples. You know this. That being said, I tried the one from Yves Saint Laurent and even though it was the wrong colour for me, it felt crazy nice and moisturizing on my skin. I can see why people go so crazy for this product. I still won’t buy it because I don’t really love wearing foundation, but maybe one day when I believe that foundation makes a difference?

I tried the Smile Foot Mask from The Face Shop and HOLY SHIT. It’s good enough that you can ignore the creepy baby feet on the packaging. And I mean, my feet are pretty well taken care of already, but this was some next-level shit. Definitely keeping this one in the rotation.

I know that I told you I was going to start taking collagen, but with the move I slacked a little so I don’t want to comment on it yet. I’m gonna start it again and take it on a daily basis starting tomorrow so I will definitely have thoughts on it this time next month.

Love this meme.

I went to Niagara Falls with my family and it was the best. Just a ton of fun.

Above Photo: At the Healing Salt Caves with Mom

Above Photo: We’re missing Tianna & Amanda!

Above Photo: Camden’s first Shirley Temple!

Above Photo: Sweet Jesus

Above Photo: Mom & Dad

I started watching Schitt’s Creek and it’s pretty good so far. I only saw about five episodes, but that’s enough to have an opinion, yeah? I want to watch more, but those Frasier reruns aren’t gonna watch themselves.

Watched The Bye Bye Man and wooooooof, it was rough.

I also watched Crazy Rich Asians and it was great! I’d wanted to see it for awhile and it was just a fun movie. A friend of mine accidentally called it Crazy Sexy Asians and it made me laugh, but that’s a way better title. I love, love, love Elvis’ version of this song, so whenever it gets covered, I’ll love it to pieces. Also, the wedding scene? With the water? Jesus! So nice. Even watching it now makes me teary, it’s so beautiful.

Ate at The Cactus Club with the lovely Marla for her birthday (!) and it was goooood. The short rib pappardelle? Heavenly.

One of my favourite recipes that I haven’t been able to make for awhile since I used to live in a place WITH NO OVEN is this baked pickles one. Just made it last night and still holds up. So tasty.

There’s an upcoming lantern festival in Mississauga that I just heard about on August 10th that seems pretty lovely.

Have you ever tried chocolate mint coffee before? We just got some beans from a place near us and made some this morning and I was jacked for about three hours. Really tasty, I just don’t understand how a person could drink coffee every day.

I was in need of a fancy dress so I went to Burlington in Union Square and was shocked at how nice/inexpensive everything was. I got a Calvin Klein dress (that I later returned because I’m CLASSY) for $40! Such a great place. Easier to browse than Century 21, for SURE.

The reason I needed that fancy dress? I WENT TO THE OPENING NIGHT OF THE BEETLEJUICE MUSICAL! And it was incredible. I have a friend who’s in the ensemble and graciously invited me and it was everything. I’ve never been to an opening night before and the air was electric. Such a fun time. I met Richard Kind at the after party and gushed about Clifford for approx. two minutes before he ran away.

Really enjoyed the new Lizzo album, the best songs are definitely Like A Girl and Soulmate.

I tried the relatively new chicken pieces from Shake Shack and there’s literally NOTHING DANNY MEYER CAN DO WRONG. They’re delicious, obviously.

I had no idea that The Strand will buy your old books. Amazing.

There are no Home Sense stores in the States (as far as I know), which sucks. But I came across Home Goods on the Upper West Side (thank you for the suggestion Harmeet!) and even though it’s really not as good, it’s actually okay. I appreciate the attempt of them trying to be a Home Sense.

I went to the new Rec Room in Square One and it was pretty good, I thought. Obviously you need to walk in with a full wallet, but I mean… it’s something to do? It’s pretty much Playdium with better food.

And that was April! Some things to look out for in next month’s roundup: highlights from Tianna’s visit to NYC, I’m going to a screening of Booksmart, and I swear I’ll do that apartment post. Honestly that’s the only thing I’m really, really looking forward to - I love this new place so much. Thanks for reading!

(If you have any interest in past monthly roundups, they can be found here: March 2019, February 2019, January 2019, December 2018, November 2018, October 2018, September 2018, August 2018, July 2018, June 2018 & May 2018.)

[excerptsfromunfinishednovels]

Excerpts From Unfinished Novels #3: Love Is A Strange And Tentacled Thing

Excerpts From Unfinished Novels #3: Love Is A Strange and Tentacled Thing

Genre: supernatural romance

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,069

Excerpt is from around a quarter of the way into the novel.

“Okay I’m done. What do you think?” Jake asked me with a grin as he leaned back from his laptop.

I placed a hand on his shoulder as I leaned down to read over what he’d written. I grimaced as my eyes scanned over the words. “Ummm….”

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, the grin immediately falling from his face.

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

He stared at me flatly until I sighed and said, “It’s just a bit…much.”

“In what way?”

“Well you’re very…honest.”

“I thought it was good to be honest.”

“Not on your dating profile,” I said grimly. “I mean, it’s good to be honest to an extent but there are some things that are better left to when you get to know the person you’re dating better.”

“Oh.”

Jake stared forlornly at the laptop screen, his pitch-black eyes somehow managing to look emotionless and melancholic at the same time. “Maybe I should just forget about this whole thing,” he sighed. “It was a stupid idea in the first place, I mean, my father always said that when I meet the right person I should just drag them to the underworld and make them my undead spouse, but that just doesn’t feel right you know? I want to try dating and romance, and all the other human stuff…which is a completely ridiculous notion.”

“No it’s not,” I said firmly, squeezing his shoulder. “I think it’s great that you finally want to put yourself out there and date and try to find love in the…conventional way.” I looked back at the laptop and waved my hand at it while adding, “What you’ve got here is great, it just needs a little…editing, that’s all. Here, let me help you.”

Jake brightened up and shot me a grateful smile. I pulled up a chair beside him and turned the laptop towards me. I scrolled back up to the top of the profile and started reading aloud.

“Okay, so first of all you’ve said you’re bisexual and genderfluid. That’s definitely the sort of thing you want to be honest about, though you should be aware that it will make finding someone a bit more difficult – there’s still a lot of biphobia in the community and then gender identity is a whole other ballgame, but if you’re not honest about it from the get-go it’ll only lead to issues further down the line. Right, let’s see…okay here, this part needs to change – ‘I wake in the mornings with an urge to devour mortal souls.’”

“But I do. I mean, I never actually do it, but it is my first thought in the morning.”

“It’s just a little intense you know? Like, if I read that I would be afraid that you would end up trying to devour my soul if I ever slept over. Or I’d think you were some sort of crazy serial killer.”

“I see what you mean. So what should I say instead?”

“How about ‘I’m a bit of a grump in the morning.’ And then you could add a cheeky ‘but that could change depending on who I’m waking up next too 😉’”

Jake laughed and nodded. “That sounds good. Okay what next?”

“…Oh, right here, where it asks about your favourite food. You’ve said ‘I feast on the hearts of the mighty beasts I slay.’ First of all, again, very intense. Secondly, most of the time those ‘mighty beasts’ are mice and rats that we’ve caught in our traps, and thirdly you also eat other food.”

“But hearts are my favourite,” Jake protested.

“How about you just put down that you like rare steak.”

Jake sighed and nodded and I quickly made the changes.

We continued through the rest of his profile, editing the highly intense and revealing passages. These included his favourite childhood memory (being taken to witness and glorify ritual sacrifices with his father, an eldritch god), his hobbies (taking on an animal form in order to glory in the primal wildness of nature), his most embarrassing moment (accidentally causing a tsunami during puberty), and his favourite feature (his tentacles). I tried my best to steer him towards focusing on his more human qualities, like his love of scrapbooking, his volunteer work at the dog shelter, and how he was part of a local rugby team. Whenever we butted heads over an answer (he REALLY wanted to mention his tentacles), I would write something vague and semi-misleading as a compromise.

“Okay done,” I said proudly, turning the laptop back to Jake. “What do you think?”

Jake read over the changes that I’d made, and though he tried to keep his face impassive, I could tell that he wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with them.

“What do you not like about them?” I asked as he continued to stare at the screen a frown firmly in place, his lips pursed.

“It’s not that I don’t like them…it’s just that they’re a little vague.”

“It’s mysterious,” I said in my most persuasive tone. “People like a bit of mystery, it gives them something to talk about, a reason for them to want to get to know you. You see, when you fill in a dating profile it’s about giving enough information to reel them in without giving too much away.”

“Why is this so difficult?” Jake whined slumping forward onto the desk. “I mastered ritualistic summoning spells and ancient blood curses by the time I was six, but human dating profile etiquette is beyond my capabilities.”

“That’s why I’m here,” I said soothingly, throwing an arm around his shoulder. “I’m your wing-buddy, your guide to human dating rituals. Whatever it is you need help with just let me know okay?”

“Okay,” Jake replied with a bright smile as he leaned against me. “Thanks Alex.”

“No problem. So, happy to leave the answers as they are?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Just one more thing to do,” I said, pulling out my phone. “You need a profile picture. Up you get.”

Jake grinned and stood up, moving to stand in front of the wall I gestured at. I stood in front of him and held up my phone as he cocked his head to the side and sent me a roguish grin.

“Wait.” I moved forwards and gently rearranged his beard so that his tentacles were hidden from view. “Much better.”

And so that’s excerpt #3 from the unfininshed novels; what do you think? Any thoughts or comments - let me know! Tomorrow there will be a roundup of all the material from during the week along with the excerpt again.

Slán!

C.x

[carolcooks2]

Welcome to this week’s edition of my weekly roundup of posts…I hope you are all staying safe and well…Our rainy season is well and truly underway and my leaky ceilings are testament to that but hey ho…my new laptop arrived…complete with Windows 10…I thought that was going to be the end of my troubles but no…I still cannot access Pinterest…if anyone has any ideas please share…

Anyway back to the job in hand last weeks posts…Take a pew and have a read… I hope you enjoy it!

Monday always starts with news on the environment there is always something new to discover…This week was no different…WELL, it was just a tad…The Story of Plastic Part 3…10th August 2020…

Plastic was initially a waste product…a word that originally meant ” pliable and easily shaped” in recent years it became a name for a category of materials called polymers. The word polymer means “of many parts,”

It started in 1869 when an American Inventor namely John Wesley Hyatt saw an opportunity when a New York company made an offer of 10,000 dollars for anyone who could come up with a substitute for ivory.

Hyatt found that if he treated cellulose derived from cotton fibres with camphor a plastic was created which could be moulded into various shapes and made to imitate tortoiseshell, ivory, horn and linen….the plastic revolution took shape…

Manufacturers were now no longer limited by the availability of natural products…

This was just the beginning…

https://carolcooks2.com/2020/08/10/the-story-of-plastic-part-3/

 Tuesday Topics…Added Sugar …

Why Sugar?

I am currently reading Salt, Sugar and Fat so for the next weeks I will be discussing what I have learnt and also what has shocked she who thought nothing could shock her at her age…

Manufacturers I just love to hate I knew they are sneaky people and love to fool us…I just didn’t know what depths they sunk to…

The scientists and yes it is a science every single product sold has an exact science attached to its list of ingredients…Children as young as 3 take part in this research(something) however much I was promised I would never allow my children to take part.

https://carolcooks2.com/2020/08/11/tuesday-topics-added-sugar/

Wednesday:- my new series …The Culinary Alphabet with a twist…e.g… C(aromatiC)

Armagnac or Cognac: What is your preference? Do you know the difference between these two brandies? I should have as my father loved a glass of brandy his favourite being Cognac…

The major difference between Cognac and Armagnac is the distillation.

https://carolcooks2.com/2020/08/12/the-culinary-alphabet-with-a-twistthe-letter-caromatic/

Thursday:- The Medicine Women’s Treasure Chest…by Sally Cronin…

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2020/08/12/smorgasbord-health-column-the-medicine-womans-treasure-chest-herbal-medicine-chamomile-camomile-by-sally-cr

Fruity Friday is revamped and back… The Inca Berry (Cape Gooseberry)

  https://carolcooks2.com/2020/08/14/fruity-friday-the-inca-berry-cape-gooseberry/

Saturday Snippets…

Saturday are when I indulge my whimsy and yesterday was one such day…Sharks, a beautiful rooftop farm, Woodstock…who remembers that and the music of Jimi Hendrix…I got some strange looks when I was listening to him yesterday by the workmen who were sorting out my ceilings the looks said she is too old to be listening to that …

  https://carolcooks2.com/2020/08/15/saturday-snippets-11/

I hope you have enjoyed this roundup…See you tomorrow with a further update on the Story of Plastic…Part 3

God bless you all in these turbulent times…be safe and stay well…

My hopes…for the future…

When this is all over my hope for the future is a cleaner world… I do want to see communities, and caring for your neighbour becoming the new norm…WORKING TOGETHER INSTEAD OF WORKING AGAINST EACH OTHER…Being kind to each other…Loving someone whatever their religion or skin colour…Can we make this happen? We have to but in the right way…Are we willing to make a stand? Personally, I would love to see lessons learnt ..realistically I have my doubts…

Thank you for reading be well and stay safe xxx

About Carol Taylor: Enjoying life in The Land Of Smiles I am having so much fun researching, finding new, authentic recipes both Thai and International to share with you. New recipes gleaned from those who I have met on my travels or are just passing through and stopped for a while. I hope you enjoy them.

I love shopping at the local markets, finding fresh, natural ingredients, new strange fruits and vegetable ones I have never seen or cooked with. I am generally the only European person and attract much attention and I love to try what I am offered and when I smile and say Aroy or Saab as it is here in the north I am met with much smiling.

Some of my recipes may not be in line with traditional ingredients and methods of cooking but are recipes I know and have become to love and maybe if you dare to try you will too. You will always get more than just a recipe from me as I love to research and find out what other properties the ingredients I use contain to improve our health and well being.

Exciting for me hence the title of my blog, Retired No One Told Me! I am having a wonderful ride and don’t want to get off, so if you wish to follow me on my adventures, then welcome! I hope you enjoy the ride also and if it encourages you to take a step into the unknown or untried, you know you want to…Then, I will be happy!

Thank you once again for reading this post I hope you all stay safe and healthy xx

CarolCooks2…weekly roundup 2nd August -8th August 2020…The Story of Plastic, Recipes, Health, Whimsy, and Sharks…

Welcome to this week’s edition of my weekly roundup of posts…I hope you are all staying safe and well…Our rainy season is well and truly underway and my leaky ceilings are testament to that but hey ho…my new laptop arrived…complete with Windows 10…I thought that was going to be the end of my troubles but no…I still cannot access Pinterest…if anyone has any ideas please share…

CarolCooks2…weekly roundup 2nd August -8th August 2020…The Story of Plastic, Recipes, Health, Whimsy, and Sharks… Welcome to this week’s edition of my weekly roundup of posts…I hope you are all staying safe and well…Our rainy season is well and truly underway and my leaky ceilings are testament to that but hey ho...my new laptop arrived...complete with Windows 10...I thought that was going to be the end of my troubles but no...I still cannot access Pinterest...if anyone has any ideas please share...