#yes i made myself cry writing that particular scene

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[fragmentofmemories]

One last serious post, so please read.

It took a few days of resting, as well as some soul searching - as corny as it sounds.

So, I'll just address the elephant in the room directly.

If you thought I was selfish or self-serving with my last post, then you were right, and I have no excuse for it.

As bitter as I was about my lack of fame or feedback, in truth I was basically lashing out at everyone publicly for things only I was at fault.

And I'm not deleting that post, not as defiance to that thought, but a reminder to everybody who reads it that I'm flawed too.

Regardless of my mental state, I am not exempt from making mistakes nor dealing with their consequences.

With that out of the way, there is something I have to admit.

I don't think I'm suited for writing fanfiction, so I'm retiring. And I'm okay with that.

Basically, though I've written many fics for three years by now, I came to realize it simply isn't fun to do anymore. It's frustrating, draining even, and by the end it simply doesn't feel worth it.

And it really took me a long while to realize that - enough time that I ended up hurting others as much as myself because of my own bitterness and envy.

This included the person I spoke of for so long. Because, regardless of what they did, I also lashed out at them due to their successes, and admitted that I was sacrificing my own mental health just to remain friends with them even before our falling out.

The post I made last was the epitome of it, a cry for attention and a desperate attempt at getting people to read my works without so much as giving them a choice or word in the matter.

Guilt-tripping at its core.

And so, after realizing all this, I decided that enough is enough. If writing is actively degrading my health and relation to others, then I will not write anymore.

Yes, as I'm saying, I won't write anymore chapters nor any oneshots. At least not for a long while - until I can finally find it a satisfying process again.

This means an indefinite hiatus for False Aria of Rebirth and the Dormouse 12 Remake. I will neither write nor update any of them. And as for my AO3 account, I am pondering whether to delete it or merely abandon it.

This does not mean I'm giving up on all my projects, however. I am merely going to look for alternate, healthier ways of working on them - Drawing, music, programming and the like.

In particular, I'm now attempting to see if graphic novels are more my style. I do enjoy drawing above all and it feels much easier for me to draw a scene rather than describe it.

I will go back to my usual posts soon. So, if you've read up to this, thank you so much - no matter how you may feel about me as a person. This is a new step for me, and I'm prepared to face the consequences of it.

[spinningwebsandtales]

Imagine Dante Leaving On A Mission And You’re Having A Hard Time Seeing Him Leave

Dante X FemReader

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 600

(A/N:) I’ve had this in my drafts for awhile and I finally got it finished! I need a Dante in my life and those are just the facts. XD I can’t help myself but to write a little bit of angst but I did leave a fluffy bonus scene so I don’t leave y’all with emotional damage! 🤣 Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

You knew you should be used to seeing Dante leave, but it never got easier to watch him go. But this particular moment you were struggling with the fact that he was going to be gone awhile and he didn’t even know when he would be back. You fought tears as you watched him grab all the gear he would need. He could sense your unease and turmoil. He didn’t want to leave, but the lights hadn’t been on for at least a week and he wanted to provide everything you needed. 

That meant leaving and being gone for however long the job required him to be there. After loading up his gear and placing Ebony, Ivory, and Rebellion in their rightful places, he turned towards you. The tears brimming in your eyes, shattered his heart. Normally you would go with him and take care of whatever devil was plaguing the area. But this time it was too dangerous, that even had you more worried. If Dante didn’t think you were strong enough to face the challenge it meant the mission was dire. You had seen what happens to Dante when things are dire, he gets hurt. You can’t imagine life without him and you start losing the battle with your emotions. The tears can no longer be suppressed and as they stream down your cheeks, Dante sighs.

“I’m sorry babe,” he said taking you in his arms.

You had a difficult time returning the embrace as his weapons kept getting in the way. You tightened your arms around him as best as you could. He squeezed, trying to will as much comfort into your trembling form as he could.

“I’ll come back to you,” he whispered while stroking the back of your head. Your soft hair tickling his bare fingers. You hiccupped and sobbed into his chest staining his worn shirt with salty tears.

“You better,” you threatened. Though it didn’t sound near as scary with your voice trembling from emotions. Dante chuckled as he continued to hold you. He really didn’t want to leave but he wouldn’t leave you until you had calmed down a little bit. He couldn’t bring himself to leave you in such a distraught state. It took a little bit but your tears finally dried and you breathed in deeply and your sigh hitched when you breathed out.

“Better,” he cooed bringing you out to arms length. 

Not trusting yourself to talk you just nodded, wiping at your eyes. Dante took the chance and kissed you deeply, it had become a tradition of his if he went alone on missions. He’d leave you with a kiss you’d remember until he got home.

“I will come back,” he promised again but this time more firm. His blue eyes losing the gleam of mirth that was normally there. His features becoming more serious as he wanted you to not worry anymore.

“Go get ‘em devil boy,” you teased, finally ready to let him go.

“Yes ma’am!” His goofy self came back with a sloppy salute before shutting the door to Devil May Cry. When you heard the motorcycle roars fade away did you collapse to the floor shaking with uncontrollable sobs.

Bonus:

Dante pushed the door open to his office. He switched on the lights so he wouldn’t trip over anything and wake you up. He had been a little longer than usual, since he stopped to pay the electric bill before coming home. You were fast asleep in bed, unaware that he had made it home in one piece. Putting his weapons back up, he snuck his way upstairs to see you dreaming peacefully in the bed.

“Hey babe, I’m home,” Dante whispered, stroking your hair from your cheek causing you to nuzzle deeper into the pillows.

[butmakeitgayblog]

As a writer, do you find it annoying when readers comment asking for chapters? Because as a reader, I've always wondered how I could correctly phrase that I'm looking forward to reading more so that it doesn't come off as pestering and pressuring the author. Sometimes, when stories that stick with me hasn't been updated in months, I find myself back in the comments section thinking, I wanna leave something nice for author letting them know that I'm here and I love their story. Is there any particular do's and don't's we should be aware of?

Honestly? Completely honest?

Yes it's annoying when people ask for updates 😬 BECAUSE, and I can't stress this enough, no one on earth wants that story to be updated more than the writer. No one. That un-updated story haunts their dreams and taunts their waking days. We want it to be finished too, and we're painfully, excruciatingly, cripplingly aware of how long it's been since it was updated. Authors want to update their stories, so if they haven't, there's a reason why. And asking for updates only does 1 of 2 things (or usually both): makes writers feel even worse than they already do about not updating, or straight up piss them off because if they could update, they would. Because in the end all asking for updates really is is pressuring someone, whether the commentor means to or not. It's fantastic to know someone loves the story and wants to read more of it, and we DOOOO wanna know you're excited about the story and want more. So while we absolutely want to hear from you, here's 3 better ways to convey that than asking for an update:

Just tell the author you like the story! Doesn't have to be complex, just say "I love this story! I've reread it X times and enjoy it every time 😌" Boom, instant shot of serotonin for the author

Paste a line or lines of dialogue you loved. Maybe a specific scene that spoke to you or made you laugh or cry or you thought was hot. Authors love having their words thrown back at them because then we know which parts work the best, and which are reaching the audience and leaving an impression. It actually helps sometimes moving forward in the story knowing what parts readers felt were the strongest. Yes we write stories for ourselves, but we also want you guys to like them too. And feedback helps us grow.

Say how the story makes you feel. Do you like it reading it before bed as lil comfort story that helps you wind down? Maybe it's something that when you're sad you pull out of your bookmarks cuz it brightens your day even just a little bit. Maybe you like it because it hurts in the best ways, it gets emotions flowing that you can connect with and commiserate. Do you wanna squish those little dope's faces together for being too cute, or boop them on the nose with a newspaper for being dumbasses. We wanna know! Authors put their heart into these stories, so hearing what emotions they bring out in readers is like winning the fucking jackpot

Understand this isn't me saying if you've ever asked for an update I think you're a bad person or you should feel bad. What I'm saying is that it's not conveying what you may be meaning to convey, and at worst you might be actually thwarting any motivation the author had managed to gather to update.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

The yapping anon is back to yap some more about LUKE AND KIERAN BECAUSE AAAAAAAAH I'll give you a seatbelt because boy I don't know how long this one will turn out... Once again I apologize in advance aaldjksj this is actually my 2nd time writing it because tumblr app decides to wiped my first text vomit

LIKE. You don't know how MUCH I reread the fic multiple times after I send the ask up until NOW. Either reading my favorite scenes, reading the particular scene I was craving to reread, or simply reread the whole thing fully again and again! You got me stuck on a brainrot and I won't have it any other way.

THE WHOLE THING IS JUST SO GOOD.... I somehow use Kieran's dialogues as a divider of how it is organized scene by scene in my head, and... Personally, I don't know what about it but "Later. Later. I'm not done with you. Just— shit. Just be quiet." GETS ME EVERYTIME. IT IS SIMPLY THE PART I KEPT REPEATING THE MOST BECAUSE--- AAAAH?? I DON'T KNOW. THE DESPERATION AND URGENCY IN THAT SINGLE LINE GOT ME FEELING SO MANY THINGS EVERY SINGLE TIME AAAAA. AND THE GOOD GIRL PRAISE BEFORE THAT?? I'M WEAK. ALSO THE UNCHARACTERISTIC BEGGING?? AAH!!! ALSO THE AMOUNT OF FRUSTRATION ON THE NEXT SHIT FUCK IT'S SO HOT!!! AND THEN!!! THEN!!! THE ABSOLUTE BURNING DESIRE THAT HE STILL TRIES TO DENIES AS HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND CHANTING CAN'T WHILE HE KISS US BREATHLESS ALSJALDJSJSJS The way he crumbles afterward, the wall he kept beyond the reach of the mask as he finally breaks down crying!!! I'm sorry Kieran but the part you cried might possibly be my most favorite part- I love the vulnerability of it so so much. Those chants of I can't.... sigh. And don't get me started with the confession that's so soft... I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I've said it in my initial ask and I'll say it again I'M SO HAPPY HE SAYS IT FIRSTTTT I FEEL LIKE THE ORDER OF THE CONFESSION MEANT SOOOO MUCH.

But I also can't get enough of rereading the rules- those descriptions when he knew, and we know he knows. The moments dancing in a thin line!! And the flashback of the first time aaaaaah I really love the part he gives us the choice, taunting us, and then moves so swiftly and quickly to make us come undone like AAH THE CASUAL PETNAMES DROPPPP the authority in his words!! I love the descriptions of the less intimate stuff of his actions that feel like it means something and it is something. You wrap up the canon interaction and lace it up into beautiful description sobs I also love the casual nonchalant of the beginning part and how soft and gentle vulnerable moments slips in at the end ALL IN ALL I JUST WANNA SAY I TRULY LOVE EVERY SINGLE PART OF THIS FIC AND I MIGHT BE REPEATING MYSELF A LOT BUT AAAAAAAH I really can't have enough rereading and gushing about it!!

Also YES!!! Initially, I don't have any thoughts about the twins face, I was satisfied with them faceless behind that mask because they're absolutely handsome and stunning as it is, but GOSH your fic made me finally depict a face for him and essentially them!! Thanks to your fic I now have my own headcanon of their face and I just want to smush that face and pepper kisses all over them GRRR *hisses in cute aggression* I know that descripting something that instead can't be described is a MASSIVE challenge and definitely difficult, that's why I want to compliment you specifically on it in the initial ask! I appreciate so much how it basically gives us freedom to imagine what kind of face is behind that mask, and yet give us(well at least in my case this is absolutely truth:) enough stimulation to explore our own imagination of how the face behind it is. You did an incredible job aaaaaaaaah I cannot put enough compliments into words ;;

AND AAAAAAAAAAH??? THE DRAFT???? OH GOSH THE DRAFT!!!! I WOULD D E V O U R THAT. You got me whipped with Kieran, if Luke were to actually appear in the fic I would be IN SHAMBLES 😭 I WOULD READ THAT NO MATTER HOW LITTLE OR HOW LONG IT IS... I'LL LIVE FOR IT... (Not being actual pressure for you to write it, of course! I'm just fangirling) I love how the fic ended up focusing fully on Kieran but that scene would've tied out the missing pieces so well!!! I'll love it either way sobs

AND YES I REALLY LOVE HOW HE'S THE YOUNGER OF THE TWO!!! ;; I'm usually attracted to the chatty one rather than the quiet one, and I tend to go with the older than the younger one but for Kieran he's just bulldozing his way into my heart with a banner that says "THIS USER IS A LUKE AND KIERAN TRUTHER" and I'm all in for it

Is it now the time for me to says after I read the fic for the first time I decided to dug your entire #(this user is a luke and kieran truther) tag and have seen that, along with the other character analysis, all the little asks about them, along with everything else in between??? 🥺🥺 Also my initial bias is also Xavier!! So I feel you so much, the difference is Sylus AND his henchmen hit me like a truck and made me lose my single bias title....

While on this topic I actually have a question! Has the story so far ever mentioned we've seen the twins' face behind the mask? IF YES, WHERE WAS IT WRITTEN??? I NEED IT. This obsession is making me this 🤏 close to just compile recording of every single of the twins appearance in the main story and the bond and cards... But that'll probably need to wait for me to actually finish up reading all Sylus' card.

You also got me hooked on DLMLU and I Like it!! I'm seeing your masterlist and I respectfully awaits the day you finish Luke's I Like It fic.... 👀 I was actually a cle era stay, so hearing their songs again lately has been nostalgic to me! Hyunjin did great on emphasizing the desperation and denial and the concealed sadness on DLMLU and I live for Seungmin's I Like It intro..... And I do feel like that intro describes the twins perfectly!!!

I LIVE and LOVE to devour any little bits of crumbs of a whole cookie you have and will drop about the twins... I'm so gonna inhale all of it please do keep gushing out for the twins know that I support you fully(no actual pressure and expectations here, please just be yourselves!) I love the headcanon about Kieran being taller!! He definitely gives the tall vibe, though honestly either of them will tower us so there's barely any difference haha

And about Luke and Kieran POV!! I am one of those people who prefer the 2nd POV on these types of self insert scenarios BUT I'M A TOTAL SUCKER FOR THE POV OF THE GUY IN THE STORY.... I'm DEFINITELY very interested if you ever make one!! One of the many things I really love about the fic is the instances where we knows when he knows. But I can't help but be giddy to imagine if there's snippets of how the twins actually feel in those situations!! Since there's a difference in assuming and guessing and understanding the other party and actually reading something precisely of what running through the other party's mind! I guess it's kind of the crave like wanting to hear telepathically what exactly they're thinking? They conceal so much and I'm sure there's millions of thoughts running through their head despite their aloof appearance and I feel like you could DEFINITELY nail the description of it! Of course again, disclaimer, this is all meant to be more for a compliment rather than a request! Please do whatever you'd like to do, I'm all in for anything you so graciously provide for free on this internet!!

All in all I'm just really happy and delighted about everything!! Thank you so much!!!

WAIT OMG 😭 this got buried in my inbox i'm sososo sorry for getting to this late 😭😭🤲🤲🤲

ANONIEEEEE it's so nice to hear from you again omg 🥺 this got me feeling all soft and fuzzy again this morning!!!!!! you're so so so so sweet oh my gosh like i'm just. so happy reading all this, and knowing i have you dragged down the luke and kieran brainrot with me 🤭🤭🤭

and like, i actually really really REALLY love finding situations to push characters to act uncharacteristic of themselves, because to me that means that situation means so much to them that they break character, and it's SO fun to write, just as much as me reading them!! i'm so glad you love those parts, because they're my favorites too 😭🤍

ALSO—it's actually?! surprisingly canon that mc has seen their faces and i know technically we're mc BUT I'M LIKE. SO JEALOUS OF HER. LMFAOFJSJJGBS the first time we talk to the twins (when mc wakes up!), she describes seeing their facial expressions and such! she doesn't narrate/describe facial features, so we don't know how they look like... but there's subtle implications that she does know, because she wouldn't have narrated that way if they were wearing their masks!

i meed a luke and kieran face reveal so badly...

(ALSO YOU'RE A STAY?!!?!?! OH MY GOD. I KIND OF LOVE YOU EVEN MORE RN WAAAHHH?!?!?!!!!!! ALWAYS SO SO HAPPY TO SEE STAYS IN MY INBOX IM GIVING YOU THE BIGGEST HUG EVER)

[velvetvexations]

actually if you want to talk about it I’d be curious about your petscop opinions (in a friendly discussion way) but if not that’s totally cool!

One of the things I was telling people Petscop was of too high-quality for something to be what was happening was the incredibly dumb "playing the game in a car" thing, which I thought was a completely ridiculous theory and I really was out there like, no, guys, that's stupid, that's so stupid, and this is PETSCOP, the single greatest web series in existence, my Roman Empire, it's not stupid so obviously that can't be it.

But what I really disliked and put me down a lot was the lack of hard answers. I unironically feel like people nowadays fetishize narrative ambiguity. Death of the Author or even the idea that a work might have literally no intended meaning except to be a viewer's personal Rorschach test has gotten so big that to even suggest something mysterious might have an answer can be seen as sacrilege.

Sometimes that can be a difficult wire to walk. David Lynch refuses to ever give away the intended meaning of his work because he does want his audience to reach their own conclusions and find their own meaning in it...but, also, he did still have an intended meaning behind everything and it's not weird to try and work that out. Yes, the demand for answers killed Twin Peaks - but I would argue it was more like impatience because what fans wanted to know was specifically who killed Laura Palmer, and Lynch always intended to get to that eventually, just at the very end.

Fans during the airing of Twin Peaks took it 100% literally and weren't generally looking for symbolic meaning, they were looking for hard facts about what was occurring in-universe. While my belief of the "correct" interpretation of Twin Peaks is that the narrative blends in-universe reality with out-of-universe meta anyway, I think we would have gotten basically satisfying answers to the in-universe reality if the network had been willing to let it cook. I think subtext can be really cool, and despite my sidebar text being a Garth Marenghi reference the things I write have subtext in them as well, but usually I'm far more interested in the text when it comes to mysteries like this.

So like, I'm going to take a gamble with allowing myself to be vulnerable and admit something: when it turned out the website in Petscop had been made, but the creator just decided not to put it out? I was without hyperbole livid.

I struggle, like really struggle with anger issues, to the point where earlier this morning I was thinking about making a post about how much I've been feeling the "check your bathroom" message from Rainer, but decided against it because that's implied to be a suicide note and I didn't want to give the impression I was referring to suicidal ideation. I mean, I am also extremely depressed, but that's not what I had in mind.

Just like...the bitterness of what Rainer says in that message, the exhausted rage? Yeah, that's me. I'm an angry person. It's one of the reasons I related so hard to Kipperlilly Copperkettle in Dimension 20. Because like, my fandom for her started out being really annoyed with the protagonists and the ways they have their cocks sucked by the fandom and narrative no matter what, and how KLCK in particular was getting insane hate for insane reasons, but when it was revealed she had been in therapy for years for anger management I wanted to cry because I suddenly felt this intense empathy with her.

No matter how irrational, the revelation about the website existing but not being shown gutted me. So I was really, really angry about it and to be honest I still kinna am. I don't hold any real ill will towards the creator and, again, I know it's irrational, but that hurt me a little.

There's this scene in The Expanse where a spaceship hits a field that makes anything in motion come to an instantaneous and complete stop, and you can imagine what that does to the occupants of spacecraft traveling a bazillion miles an hour (it should really obliterate the ship, too, but whatever). It kinna felt like that. Like the series just came to a sudden and arbitrary stop with nothing explained and my investment turned into several gallons of red paint splattering the camera.

I was also very dissatisfied with it turning out that either it was all about being trans or the very least had a significant amount of it's plot be about that. I don't mean to be a Sad Puppies kinna geek who thinks their entertainment should never touch on social themes and just stick to cool laser guns, but like...I am trans. Nearly all my friends are. I talk about it constantly on this blog, I'm thinking about it constantly, it is one of the single most important, defining aspects of nearly every facet of my life. I enjoy some media that's outwardly about being trans and my writing is heavily heavily HEAVILY centered around diversity and inclusion and talking about it all, but when it's the answer to a mystery?

I can't help but find that tremendously boring. And that's another thing that, like not getting answers and it all being over so abruptly, Expanses the shit out of my investment.

And my investment in Petscop ran...deep. Very, very deep. I loved the series with every fiber of my being. Like I said, the drop-off in how I felt about it was like Satan falling from Heaven like lightning, and I felt every bit of that falling damage.

So Petscop and the way it ended was a lot for me.

[thief-of-eggs]

fic writer meme

Thank you thank you to the timkon QUEEN @hearteyeshayley for tagging me <33

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

67

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

322,925

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mostly write for DC, but I also write for Marvel, as well as TBOSAS, ATLA, and any other book/show that randomly grabs my interest

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mark Me Like a Bloodstain (Most unfortunately, because i hate to think that this is my AO3 legacy. Smut for Miguel O’hara that I wrote in an hour…)

Thoughts of You Consume (More smut! I didn’t expect this one to gain so much traction, but it is super fun to write!)

The Hardest Thing to Lose is You (…more Miguel O’hara smut..)

Like Melting Snow (Aaaand more snowjanus smut) ((This one is especially awkward seeing as I promised to never write Omegaverse, and yet here we are))

Guilt and Greed (One that I am actually proud of!!!! Not my greatest work but I did enjoy making this one.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try my hardest to!! I’m a bit behind right now, but I also haven’t been on my AO3 much this last month. I reread every comment at least 5 times, they genuinely are the food that gets me through it all. I love love LOVE talking to others about my works, and so getting to talk to yall in the comment section is SO fun for me!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Memory’s Embrace. While it is not my angstiest work by far, I usually throw some comfort in there as well to let it not end angsty. This fic, however, is the only one that truly ends without a happy ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think So If You Will, Please Fall in Love With Me may be my happiest ending. I absolutely adore this fic, I love fluff but don’t write it nearly as much as I’d like to.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yup! The Snowjanus fandom, while ever so kind and supportive, also shockingly is full of haters as well! I’ve received everything from death threats to blatant slams of my writing. They make me giggle every time

9. Do you write smut?

I told myself I wouldn’t, and yet… here we are.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

No, I’m boring :(

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Twice actually! (To my knowledge)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!!! I had one turned into a podfic (literally made me CRY, I was so so happy)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but I’ve talked about doing so with a few writer friends!! I am so down to

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is a very tricky question for me. I tend to love things with my entire being when I hyperfixate on them, and then I tend to feel very ‘meh’ about them after. So picking an all time is difficult, since my interests are always fluctuating.

HOWEVER, I would say that Timkon and Drarry are the two that have remained constant. (And while I am new to Andreil, I can already see it becoming another core ship for me)

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an entire half-written Timkon Reverse Robins AU where Tim is red hood, and Kon ends up an accomplice. @sophiasrant has heard way too much about this AU.

As much as I would love to expand upon it and actually finish writing it, I don’t think I’ll ever have the time to do it justice. It would end up as SUCH a long fic (though I do have full written scenes if anyone is ever interested)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like how I describe emotions and feelings. I am not very good at articulating how I am feeling, but give me a character and suddenly I have a million shades of color to paint the particular emotion they are feeling. I love to be poetic in writing, and I think I sometimes achieve that.

I also think I have a talent with smut, though I am not sure. The feedback would say so, but I literally do not know how to judge smut writing. It always feels cringe, but maybe all smut feels that way.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I never plan ahead. Like, ever. I lack discipline and I never do enough editing. As soon as a work is finished it gets posted. There are quite a few works that I know I could have done better, if only I weren’t so impatient. But alas, I cannot make myself wait.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I’ve only ever done it once, in a fic with Bucky Barnes and Natasha. I feel neutral on the topic. Just do research if you plan on doing it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Downton abbey! I wrote it for me and for me only, and then decided to share it. I still never got around to finishing it…

20. Favorite fic you have written?

I have quite a few!!! (Because it’s so hard for me to pick favorites)

All of my favorites are non smut fics. I love the ones where I managed to be particularly poetic, or especially fluffy. Like, the words just flowed, and I was quite happy with the outcomes.

Those include:

So If You Will, Please Fall in Love With Me

Born From Ash

Rough on The Surface (But You Cut Through Like a Knife)

That Which Lies Beneath

I'm tagging @nanachachasposts <33 As well as anyone else who would love to do it!!

[cupcraft]

4, 13, and 18 !!

cyrus cyrus hello and its an honor to get fic asks from you an amazing fic writer mutual of mine.

[ask game]

4. Anything you like in particular about writing for this fandom? (the setting, the aus, the people,etc)

another thing i like is the ability to write fandom poetryllike theres so muchj of it im glad poetry is a part of this fandom

13.Any segment of your work that made you cry while writing it? (because it moved you deeply)

yes pletny of times. I will use one scene from I rose from the ashes that made me cry as self promo.

18.How similar are the things you enjoy writing to the things you enjoy reading?

tropes wise? ig similar though very variety my reading is comapred yto what i write. similar characters/arcs i like. for other fandoms (not dsmp/osmp/mcyt stuff) i definitely read more ship fics & adult topics of which i do not enjoy writing myself often. Like even if i do write ship fics which is rare i do not write mature fics much nor really enjoy it. I also feel like everyones writing style in fics i enjoy is way better than mine like the way ppl write is so amazing and wonderful.

[frozenwolftemplar]

For the ask game!

5, 8, 14, 18, 31, 39, 45, 60, 65, 73

I know it's been a bit, but I haven't forgotten about this and have been adding to it in between all that fic writing/editing last month (and my laptop being a pain) and it's finally ready! I really like all these questions and wanted to give great answers; I hope you enjoy! (warning though: it's long).

5: Do you like constructive criticism? - Yes, I actually do! Admittedly, it can be hard to hear, and also admittedly I haven't had much experience receiving it (prior to writing fic, my main genre of writing was academic, and I never got much writing feedback on those papers), but the odd times I have received it I did appreciate it and feel like I grew as a result.

8: Do you prefer the beginning, middle or end of the story? - Ending, one-hundred percent! I just love that feeling you get when the story starts winding down, folding itself up like a letter you're about to tuck in an envelope, and you can feel it; it's such a cool sensation and I love it. Plus, I like the fun in thinking up a final angsty gut-punch line or snappy bit of humor to end things on.

14: How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel or draw from personal experiences? - I usually try to clear my head (easier said than done) and really slot myself in the character's shoes, focusing on the scene and how it affects them and let that guide what I write. I really try to let the scene guide what happens next, especially if the scene is a conversation or argument; in the latter case I'll probably go back later and revise it a little to make sure everything is in-character.

I do sometimes draw from personal experience, especially for more intense emotions like anger or disappointment; I have a multi-chap upcoming where Cass goes through a pretty tough time and I dipped into personal experience a lot for it.

18: Do you title your fics before, during, or after and how do you come up with them? - Honestly, titling fics is hands-down one of the hardest parts of the whole fic-writing process for me; it's usually the very last thing I tackle along with the summary, and more often than not I just do the whole 'one-word title' thing. 🙃 If a fic is inspired by a particular literary work or quote, I usually reference that for the title (like 'White Roses')

31: Do you start with the characters or the plot? - I'm...not actually sure? A lot of my fics start with a plot, but other times (especially if I'm working from a prompt) I start with the characters and just think of different situations to put them in and how they'd react. But maybe that's still plot first? I think the answer would be some of each, then? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

39: Share a snippet from a WIP - Gladly! How about that multi-chap I just mentioned?

"She had only taken a few steps towards the barracks, though, when a cry split the still spring air. "Ho! Coming up the road! The Captain and his troops!" Dad! Instantly Cass changed course, sprinting for the front courtyard. Her dad was back early! Hooray! As much as she liked having Captain Williams here, it just wasn't the same as her dad. She had missed him so much, and couldn't wait to sit on his lap and hear- "Look alive, everyone! They've got a man down!"

45: Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh? - Well, my favorite thing to do is pull the rug out from under readers; give them some cute fluff or a happy moment then -BAM!- flash forward to angst! But between the two: laugh. I know I write a fair amount of angst, and I do enjoy it very much, but I just really love reading a comment where someone says that my writing made them laugh. 😊

60: Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like? - Well, you've commented on my fics, right? 😉 I have been so fortunate as to have had this happen to me many times, starting from the very first fic I posted. A few writers who I held (and still hold!) as among the fandom's very best actually said they liked what I wrote and I, an extremely self-conscious writer who was seriously thinking I'd made a huge mistake and should just delete my account before I could humiliate myself- was over the moon (once the initial mortification of oh my gosh, this incredibly talented person who's writing an epic read my piddly little fic wore off 😅).

It's been three years since then, and I still get such a thrill whenever I see any writer I admire comment on my fics (and if it's the first time they've commented on my fics, that 'oh my gosh' mortification still kicks in 🤦‍♀️)

65: Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project - I can't really name one thing in particular. Right now I'm on a bit of a break from new ideas; I currently have a lot of half-finished projects I want to get back to and fully-written fics that need to be edited before posting. So right now I'm most looking forward to digging out those old pieces and getting excited about them again. But I also have some ideas for Little Cass fics that I've never gotten around to writing at all, and I'm eager to dive into those and see where they lead!

73: What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? - My style. I mostly learned how to write a story by example, with my 'examples' being books like 'Little Women' and 'Anne of Green Gables:' titles that are well over a century old and written when the world had a different idea of how you write a novel. They have a flowery, flowing feel to them where the author routinely switches perspectives (sometimes several times to a page), personifies things like household objects and the environment, goes on about someone's thoughts and feelings at length, and provides some commentary on the goings-on. It's a style I love and, by habit and intent, strive to emulate. It makes my fics long and sometimes a challenge to write, but I love the end result too much to do it any other way!

Thank you so, so much for the ask! This was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoyed reading this! Take care! 💙

[mengyao]

4 and 16!! :)

4: Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

from the letter to nmj in the last chapter of foowd:

I hope you would wish me well. I want to believe that you do, even if what I’ve become is unintelligible to you. All I can hope is that I will succeed in making myself unintelligible for reasons besides doing things that appall you. I still have some good qualities. Some of which you used to bully me about lacking! I’m certainly wiser than I was. More patient, too. I have developed somewhat of a sense of responsibility, and am much more independent and capable. But all of that has been true for years. The newer things… let’s just say that there are fields inside of myself I thought I salted, where things have taken root nonetheless.

this letter was some of the earliest stuff i wrote in the fic, because it was grafted from a scene cut from an earlier (canon era) fic, but it wasn't in letter format then, and it of course shifted a lot to fit this specific story. this paragraph was written much later.

even though this isn't how story structure works, i kind of consider that fic as having three "climaxes"... one being the flop proposal/sangcheng breakup, one being the eleventh-hour sangcheng makeup, but in between them is the part where nhs writes the letters... this one feels like the real climax of the fic in some ways. not in terms of tension but like. emotional weightiness rating????? nhs just could not have gone on to say "fuck it, i want to be with the person i love even if it means i can't fake my death and go into the self-imposed exile for the rest of my days that is the only way i've been able to conceptualize/justify quitting my job and taking the L permanently on the person i was supposed to be," if she hadn't come to some degree of peace with the fact that she'll never know what nmj would have made of these choices. if it feels like a betrayal of family/sect/etc, that all gets symbolically fixed into grief and guilt about specifically nmj, and that's the real barrier here--not anyone else in the world at large, really. but it felt like a very delicate needle to thread because i emphatically didn't want nhs' arc re: her family/nmj to come across like "realizing that your family sucks and having a victorious fuck-you-guys-i'm-out moment," because that would be severely out of character and also the nies' problem is not Bad People but intergenerational dysfunction and reverberating tragedy. so "i love you and always wanted to make you proud and am having to accept the risk that i wouldn't, because i have to believe that you loved me and wanted me to be happy more than you wanted me to be the person i should have been"--not specific to gender but everything else, of course--was the point i needed nhs to reach. which ig i decided was going to happen when she woke up at 5am to write some emotionally raw lettermail a few hours after breaking up with the guy she's actively in love with and then having a total meltdown about it.

the story having an epistolary motif was partly because i'd early on thought that the idea of sangcheng doing ye olde racy texting was funny and charming, but also i knew that the fic was not going to work unless there were opportunities for huaisang's real thoughts and feelings to occasionally surface through the tides of bullshit, and that was easier to do through in-universe writing than either dialogue or pov narration. and i couldn't come up with a less clunky way to get some overt closure/finality over the nmj stuff, but needed to, because it was like such a looming but intangible part of the story.

so anyway. um i made myself cry typing up this blurb about my own fanfiction which goes to show why i'm so proud of this bit in particular... because regardless of whether it worked for anyone else, it has consistently gotten me very emotional to think about/work on so i'm getting what EYE wanted out of it!!!!

16: Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

lots of things, actually…

it's not that "writing an unreliable narrator/POV character" is new to me but something i'm messing around with on beefleaf #2 aka The Big One is shi qingxuan (who is the POV character) like… being a very active presence in the story As A Story. you know this post?

like that.

who's the audience? shi wudu? he xuan? both/neither? us? who knows!!!!! we'll see if that sensibility makes it into the final product but i'm enjoying playing around with it for now. it compels me because sqx, unlike most characters people think of as "unreliable narrators," is not manipulative in a meaningful way. they're not TRYING to lie to you. it's just... you know. hard to look things in the face sometimes, right?

the other thing that sticks out is that i've got not one but two wips at the moment that deal with sexual violence in some way, which i've shied away from in the past because of worrying that people would be weird about it, but i feel strongly that these are at least, like, the kernels of good ideas? we'll see how they fare in my execution lol. but also, like, xie lian's character arc is, among other things, About Sexual Autonomy And Violence in a blatant and textual manner so this doesn't feel particularly outre in comparison (they're both beefleaf but you know. operating in the same ballpark. shi qingxuan and he xuan both have certain obvious parallelismssnhdsm with xie lian so it's all In Conversation imo.)

[alphawave-writes]

Ao3 Ask Game

Thanks @changethecircumstances It's been a while since I've done one of these ask games (BTW I am always down to do more if people send them my way)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 80

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,073,622.

That's...that's 13k er story roughly.

That's a lot.

3. What fandoms do you write for? The fandoms I've written for are varied but are almost exclusively video game fandoms. Currently I write for Alan Wake/Control (despite only playing Control) and Overwatch, but before that I was writing for the Yakuza/Like a Dragon/Ryu ga Gotoku fandom, Detroit: Become Human, Apex Legends and Dynasty Warriors.

4. Top five fics by kudos Oh god, I'll go in order.

DPD (Detroit: Become Human: Reed900) — What started as my riff on Brooklyn99 romance comedy mixed with police procedural became this beast about trying to make a difference and belonging. My most popular by like DOUBLE second place.

Pain and Pleasure (Disco Elysium: Harry/Kim) — It's an NSFW fic about consensual choking. Fun fact, I had NOT played the game at this point nor do I even OWN it, I just saw bits of a walkthrough and no one had written about the obvious kink so I took it upon my mortal hands. You're welcome

Sparks fly (Disco Elysium: Harry/Kim) — Fun story: so remember last paragraph where I said I hadn't played the game? I won't reveal why but I got gifted a copy of Disco Elysium by a kind then-stranger and I had to pay back with 10K words worth of smut on a niche kink. It was fun though, I do still love this fic.

Drinking games (Detroit: Become Human: FOUND FAMILY PLATONIC HankCon) — My first DBH fic. I showed this one to my dad because I figured the story was cute and not romantic and comedic enough that he would enjoy it. Then he thought Connor was a literal child, and then a child robot, and that Hank was an abusive dad.

Safe to say after having that fic misinterpreted so badly motivated me to try and make my stories relatively standalone (and also never show even my SFW stuff, because it's one thing if family don't like or get what you write but it is ANOTHER thing when they completely misinterpret it LOL)

Experimental design (Sonic movie: Stobotnik) — Abandoned but not forgotten. I had big plans for it exploring Stone's origins,

5. Do you respond to comments? Usually. Sometimes I forget and sometimes I worry about spamming people with 'Thank yous' when I can't think of anything else to say, especially on repeat commentors, but in general yes

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Depends on your definition of angst. If you want a sad cry angst where literally everybody dies, that will have to be my Harry/Kim fic Despite everything. If you want angst in a more messed up horrible sense, that'll be my recent Zaneling fic CONFIDENTIAL: Burning and drowning. I don't typically write angst endings though.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Aside from the smut? I think that will have to be the everyone reunites and is a family together ending for my Sigrold fic, Evil actions and good intentions.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Never directly, and almost never directly. Apart from one instance where a very particular shipper made a vague post suggesting I was orientalist (despite BEING HALF-ASIAN MYSELF) everyone seems to like my works! Which is nice, I hope it means my stories are good.

9. Do you write smut? A fair bit, but it is admittedly not easy for me to write. When I do, it's never PWP. At the very least, I like to play on the buildup, the foreplay if you will. Set the scene. It's easier to say I write plot with porn LOL

10. Craziest crossover? I never actually write crossovers, but one unfinished WIP I had based on a tweet was going to be Austin Powers x Bayonetta, which basically had Austin Powers replace Luka. This was before Bayo 3, so I was gonna play it semi-serious and have Austin Powers be revealed to be a Lumen Sage himself. Play it like Austin Power 3 kinda.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of. Hopefully never happened. Most likely never happened since I tend to write for either obscure ships or obscure fandoms.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? A few times, always with permission which is nice.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? The only time I think I co-wrote a fanfic specifically it wasn't quite a co-write since the other person did a normal fanfic and I did a TWINE TEXT ADVENTURE. I'm just crazy like that.

14. All time favourite ship? I think by just sheer amount of time and energy put in, at this stage it's Sigrold (Sigma x Dr Harold Winston for the uninitiated). Maybe it's because Dr Harold Winston has changed so much he's basically my glorified OC, maybe I like old men yaoi where at least one of them is a scientist, maybe it's the fact I'm currently writing an original novel that features two characters that are essentially OC-fied versions of Sigma and Harold. Whatever the reason, they just have a grip on me that I'll never let go of.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? The aforementioned Experimental design. I had quite a few plans for it, but I think Disco Elysium kinda took over the brain and I could only focus on one fandom at a time. While I still love the Stobotnik ship, I don't think I'll have the motivation to finish this fic.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think personality and tone are my strengths. I like to inject a bit of humour into conversations and add some of my own original flair into all my works, but I also try to put the character's personality into the internal narration even when it's 3rd person. Last thing I want is for my work to be mistaken for the writing style of another.

I also try and play with the tone where I can, have it be fun and then tense. I hope I'm funny in some of my writings.

I've also been told by some people from non-English speaking backgrounds that my writing style is easy to read? That one, I cannot claim to be the authority on, but I hope people like it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Spellchecks and grammar checks, for one. If I had beta readers I might be able to catch it but alas I don't, so any errors I make often goes unnoticed. I also have a bad habit of repeating words within paragraphs. It annoys me when I see them and it annoys me when I read it.

As for my stylistic stuff, I like my run-on sentences. I can't help it, it has to go on and on and on.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Coming from a multicultural background, I don't mind dialogue in another language. I usually try and keep the raw original sentence or phrase, and either use context narration or worst case leave a footnote as to what it translates to.

19. First fandom you wrote in? Dynasty Warriors of all things. My longest fic by far is in that fandom. I liked Liu Shan, nobody else did, so I had to take matters into my own hands. Is it any good? Probably not, but you have to look at your old stuff and be amazed at how far one has come since then. Also I might wanna revisit that fanfic for an original piece, who knows?

20. Favorite fic you've written? God where do I begin? For my recent works, I have to say my Zaneling masterpiece Kill your Darlings since it's got a little bit of everything and it sets up a nice little AU I've been currently chipping away at. I was in a frenzy, I planned everything out and aside from minor changes I got almost everything written as I planned. A first for me!

On the more somber side, in Disco Elysium I'd say Ghost within nightmares as a character exploration of Kim Kitsuragi and Harrier du Bois (and in the game's style too).

NSFW-wise, it's a toss up between the Disco Elysium Sparks fly and the Overwatch Not my fault for different reasons. Mostly because I feel like I played with some unconventional kinks in a fun way.

And I can't forget the fic that started it all, the Liu Shan/Xingcai Dynasty Warriors fanfic A marriage written in the stars. Definitely have to revisit it one day in the future.

I tag anyone who sees this to do it if you haven't already

[foxwitchaine]

How about 5, 21 and 25 for fanfic ask thing?

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Ohhh, tough question. I have lots of ideas I know I'll never get the chance to write due to various reasons. But if I were to name one, it would be a Miraculous Ladybug x Genshin Impact crossover salt fic. MLB crossover salt fics are a dime in a dozen now thanks to a certain showrunner's online behavior (who shall remain unnamed). This particular deleted draft is being repurposed for a future Genshin series installment my partner Rafe and I are currently working on behind the scenes.

It's often a blessing in disguise when a fic falls through.

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

Plenty. More or less, it was because that scene ended up not fitting in with the story or it was just plain unnecessary. I've legit made a whole collection of deleted scenes just for one fic, and I'm pretty sure I'll have lots more in the future.

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

Yes. Plenty of times. I wrote a nightmare scene for our current ongoing fic The Wolves in the Woods that was partially based on some of my own past nightmares. Thankfully, I didn't have any nightmares after the chapter was finished. And in another draft, I made myself cry with how sad that one particular scene was.

It's a guideline that my partner Rafe and I have that if we're reacting to the drafts, it means we're likely to get the same from our audience.

[visibun]

...holy fuck, my last post is quite literally the very first time that I've ever reached the tag limit for a post, and I primarily pulled that off by prattling on about Cinnabun at extreme length.

I didn't even know that there was a limit of 30 tags per post. I've never had any reason to hit that limit before. If that doesn't fully prove and emphasize that this little trauma rabbit isn't my most detailed and obsessed-about OC brain worm of all time, I don't know what the hell else could possibly spell it out any better.

...if you've been reading her tag on my blog, but can't understand what her deal is thus far: She's a Lopunny OC, and hers is a mature, fairly dark, and very heavy story, taking place in the Pokemon universe. Yes, I started writing this in a very low, very mentally/emotionally fragile, and really dark part of my life, so yes, this started off as "me effectively venting/'self-harming' in a way through her." I know that OC stories involving both Pokemon and sensitive subjects like death, self-harm, suicide, and so forth are usually frowned upon by a good deal of the fanbase or whatever, since that's not what the source media is like on the surface. But at this point, I hardly care to even acknowledge that stance... you know, past the upcoming walls of text.

Prepare for an encounter with an autistic hyperfixation hidden raid boss fight just below the post cut.

For one, Cinnabun starting off as a sort of "projection" of myself made her both VERY special and important to me, to the point where writing about her low points started to actually personally resonate with myself. This made writing about her in great detail that much easier, since whatever thoughts and feelings that I felt as I was coming up with ideas for this story was on par with how she was meant to feel in those particular scenes. I've quite literally never synchronized with an OC this deeply before, and this let me write out the longest story that I've ever written in my whole goddamn life. It's been a fun and engaging process from start to finish, coming up with plot points and general story details, and then figuring out how to weave everything together so it flows in a way that I like. It's all very special to me, for that reason.

And then two, to be blunt... life is short. To be even more blunt... who knows how much longer I have to be around and enjoy small things like this. I don't care to stunt my ideas just because the theme/tone in its given setting isn't regarded as "popular" by many others in the Pokemon fanbase. It gives me a massive creative outlet — the biggest that I've ever had, really — and working on it to any extent feels really great to my mind that's otherwise typically too crowded up with TV static and disorganized/negative thoughts to let me ever experience a single moment of catharsis to any degree.

I know that the setting of Pokemon is considered to be an odd choice for a story that is largely very upsetting and dark... but, in my defense, the world of Pokemon is already very heavily implied in canon media to be utterly horrifying behind the scenes. A lot of Pokedex entries straight-up designate a good deal of Pokemon as "chronically suffering," like Phantumps being dead lost kids in the woods, Cubones crying over their dead mothers (whose skull they wear) loudly enough to attract their natural predators straight to themselves, or Yamask carrying a depiction of its face from its past life and crying over it. And then, there's other Pokemon who are designated as "chronically making others suffer," like people getting their spirit stolen by looking into a Shedinja's back, Drifloon being a Pokemon "formed by the spirits of people and Pokemon" that casually abducts children, or the fact that a strong pseudo-legendary like Hydreigon has a habit of "biting anything that moves" and has tales of it destroying whole villages. And then there's other Pokemon who just... accidentally create problems by existing. Some casually explode for little to no reason. Others make a lot of earthquakes or other natural disasters just by going about their business. Shit like that.

Like yeah, obviously these details aren't going to be shown in regular Pokemon media, since it is ultimately a franchise geared towards the enjoyment of kids and young teens (with a great deal of fossils like myself obviously still latching onto the franchise for longer than I thought I'd still care about it). But like... there's enough context clues just out there in plain sight to know that the Pokemon universe is 100% capable of being a circus of both horrors and dangers. As far as I can give a damn, my little story and the poor rabbit that it revolves around would be considered "just another Tuesday in Hoenn" in comparison to what else could happen in any of the regions at any given time.

So... yeah. I don't know what possessed me to talk at length about this to like... no one in specific, but that's my mental word salad about that OC and her story. I like writing about her since it gives me a massive creative release, and I fully disagree with the thought that every original story in a Pokemon setting has to be sterile and pleasant or else it's just "bad" or whatever. If I wanted a tame and clean story in the Pokemon universe, I'd just watch the show or play any of the official games... hence, me writing out my own story, and then defending its existence to no one but I guess myself for what feels like the past hour.

...I should probably go and eat something now;;

[stereden]

Author commentary: THE BOYS FINALLY BREAKING DOWN IN SHANKS CABIN PLEASE AND THANK YOU

One of my all time favourite scenes and also one of the ones where I made myself cry writing it xD

Buggy’s breakdown had been planned from the very first moment Buggy appeared at Marineford: even without that particular clusterfuck, Buggy had just spent months in Impel Down with no news of his crew, then had to deal with the nerve wracking experience that is Monkey D. Luffy and the escape of Impel Down itself, which, honestly, would be enough to give any reasonable person a nervous breakdown (hence why it had no effect whatsoever on Luffy)

But then came Marineford, and with it multiple triggers and aggravating factors for Buggy.

Psychological/emotional factors, first: having all these escaped prisoners look to him for leadership; the realisation that his captain had had a kid and never told them; the realisation that the Rogers gathered to save the kid but couldn’t be bothered to come and save him; the setting, much too reminiscent to Loguetown and Roger’s death; a kid being held responsible for his father’s sins; the emotional toll of having oversensitive Haki and being in the middle of the biggest battlefield ever, bigger even than Edd War had been; seeing the Rogers again for the first time since Roger’s death; seeing Crocus again, with everything that happened there; being alone until Rockstar makes it there; being terrified of being recognised and hunted down again; the parallels between Roger’s death and Newgate’s attempt at going out in a blast of glory while allowing his kids to escape

Add in the physical factors: a battlefield full of giants on both side; Devil fruits aplenty rewriting the laws of physics; too much noise; too many smells; the very buildings being liable to collapse at any moment because of Devil Fruit fuckery; Buggy’s own physical state being... very not good after Impel Down; Buggy being very aware of just how small a fish he is compared to everyone else there...

Buggy’s breakdown was sealed in stone long before he decided to step in between Akainu and his prey - that part just made it even worse than it would have been. Add in Sengoku targetting him, then Blackbeard getting a bit too interested, and the fact that Buggy didn’t have a panic attack right there and then is a testament to his survival instincts, honestly.

Now Shanks, Shanks on the other hand would have been mostly fine if Buggy hadn’t been in danger. It sounds callous, putting it like this, but it’s definitely Buggy’s role in it that pushed him over the edge. Sure, he would have been very worried about Luffy, and probably would have had a heart attack or ten, but he would be nowhere as badly off as he was with Buggy in the middle of things - and, he would probably have been even more worried but a lot less on the edge of a flashback himself if it hadn’t been broadcasted. 

Because this whole thing, this is way too similar to what happened to them when they were kids and being hunted down by Roger’s enemies. Having Buggy be in danger, be hurt while Shanks can do nothing but watch, is the worst form of torture, a reminder of those years they got separated and Buggy went through hell without Shanks being there to help him. And, unlike with Luffy where he can at least somewhat trust that Newgate’s people won’t let the reckless brat die on them, if only for Ace’s sake... He has no such assurances in Buggy’s case, with the exception of Rockstar, who he couldn’t be sure had made it to Marineford until he showed up on the screen. Until he saw Rockstar, he had absolutely zero assurance that someone out there was watching Buggy’s back. Worse, he knows Buggy is this close to a breakdown and has no guarantee that he’ll be able to keep it at bay until Shanks can get there. And then Buggy, who’s not exactly a crack shot with a gun, is suddenly facing a rampaging Akainu with only a gun in hand, and he somehow manages the perfect shot, but then Sengoku is about to attack him and then Blackbeard, and yeah, no, that does it, Shanks is done with everything.

Now on to the breakdown proper (after six huge paragraphs of what led to the breakdown itself xD)

It was very important for me that the breakdown take place privately, in a space that feels safe for both of them: so, of course, it had to happen in Shanks’ cabin. Not only is it isolated and you would have to go through every single Akagami + Force and Speed in order to get to them, this is a space that is basically infused with Shanks presence, which would have a soothing and comforting effect for Buggy.

They both really, really needed a hug, so of course that’s the first thing that happens in that scene. Physical reassurrance that the other is real, is here and alive. 

It was also important that, while Shanks was also on edge and about to have his own breakdown, Buggy had his first: he’d been pretending to be fine for too long, but now his mask is breaking, and Shanks has already proven himself to be very, very good at pushing his own breakdown aside to care for those he loves (see: Smiling at Luffy and comforting him despite just getting his entire arm bitten off by a giant seamonster). And Shanks, objectively, has been through less, emotionally and physically speaking, than Buggy, and the best way for Shanks to help himself right now is to help Buggy.

The shower scene just had to happen, because I’m a sucker for someone crying fully clothed in the shower and someone else stepping in to comfort them scenes. 

The fact that they maintain physical contact during the entire scene is very much deliberate. They are both very much codependent and tend to touch all the time whenever they meet up, but this is compounded by Buggy having just spent months alone in an unsafe environment where any touch meant pain. Buggy is very much touchstarved, and also needs the grounding effect of Shanks’ touch to prevent himself from spiralling or dissociating. In return, Shanks very much needs the reassurance that Buggy is right there, alive and breathing despite everything that happened.

Same for the sleep schedule and nightmares: it’s in part a return to habits they got while on the run (one sleeping, one keeping watch for enemies, which also means someone being there to wake you up if you’re having a nightmare) and also a way to help each other through the nightmares that they’re both going to have for a long time after this mess.

I’m also a sucker for non-sexual intimacy, so that added to that part as well.

The thing is, while both of them have crews that they love and who love them right back, and who can and do support them and help them as much as they can, the fact remain that, most of the time, the only person that can really help them is each other. It’s not just the shared past and shared trauma, though that plays a role as well; it’s also a matter of a. unconditional trust and b. their position as equal vs their position as captain over their own crews. Even if they’re not too big on authority and hierarchy within their own crews, the fact remains that their nakama are their responsabilities and they don’t want to burden them with their problem or feel like their crew needs to protect them when it’s their jobs to protect their crews.

(And also, maybe, not wanting their crews to go on a murder spree on their behalf, but that’s another matter entirely)

So the only person they can really go to when they reach their limit is each other, but because of circumstances (cough cough Garp throwing a tantrum cough cough) they hadn’t been able to see each other in person in over three years. Denden calls help, but they’re not the same. So it’s not just Impel Down and Marineford and seeing the Rogers that just hit them, it’s also over three years without seeing each other and being able to help each other through memories and nightmares both.

One of the things I really wanted to get through with this scene is that there’s no shame in having emotions, nor in expressing them - expressing your emotions is healthy! No toxic mascuilinity here, no sire! Not expressing them in a situation where it could be dangerous is one thing, but you are allowed to be vulnerable and need help and ask for it.

This is probably a much longer commentary than you expected haha but I hope you enjoyed it!

[broomsticks]

FIC REC: poppies in october by tahtahfornow on AO3 (wolfstar, also jily, remadora, and remus/lily)

since stumbling upon it the other day I’ve run through so many options trying to find the best way to describe this fic (up to and including ‘favorite wolfstar fic ever’) - and the best one I’ve got so far is ‘my wolfstar ship manifesto (fic version)’

it’s a canon-compliant multi-era one-shot, written for the intention of accounting for canon, and it absolutely achieves that IMO. I’m not particularly big on caring about canon for the sake of it, but I do like things to Make Sense, and wolfstar has always 100% Made Sense as canon to me and I don’t foresee myself ever getting enough of that — which is the reason why canon-compliant is my favorite type of wolfstar fic to read (it’s not purely because i’m a masochistic angst monster)!

the characterizations are incredibly spot-on, not only for each individual character (sirius, james, lily, friend!peter (!!)), but also for each of them at their different ages/life stages: from kids/teens, into post-Hogwarts life and the first war, and, and and and. and. measured reflective remus, perfectly ineffable sirius. and how they change and stay the same.

the writing is just – wow. there’s literally everything, there's so much to cover across the eras and all of it is incredible. it’s plain and simple and funny, it’s beautiful and haunting and evocative, there’s softly falling in love, there’s exhilaratingly falling in love, reluctantly falling in love. there’s. struggling to stay in love. struggling against love. 

there’s so much achy hurty disconnect, ‘we just keep talking past each other.’ and there’s—above all—a connection, an entanglement, an inextricability, that—again, looks different and hits different at every stage, but is undeniably always, always there—that’s the reason why they are just. OTP like no other.

the other description i was toying with was ‘fic from a total stranger that somehow might have been written for me personally??’ – this fic somehow hits so many of the things i love/want/have always wanted to see! hidden for spoilers (minor spoilers, this is canon-compliant, you know the drill...) + length sorry i have normal amounts of feelings about this fic

there’s. sylvia plath poetry. daddy and lady lazarus, i’m crying

there’s epistolary bits with gratuitous literary references (personal guilty pleasure, i don’t even know. just. gets me every time yes 35 owls)

there are some of my exact precise headcanons about major first war events (specifically the secret keeper situation and Remus post-Halloween) written so much better than i could have myself/ ever imagined possible.

there is T H E most beautiful ending scene (... narnia and LOTR fundamentally shaped me as a story-reading human yall) that’s, again, just, exactly what i imagined except a million times BETTER.

there’s also hogwarts-era remus/lily and HBP remadora, written in a way I just. loved. speaking as someone who not just doesn’t mind but actively ships these ships... i felt this struck just the right balance of serving to enhance wolfstar yet also being lovely ships and characters, wonderfully compelling at that particular time, in their own right 🥺❤️

on top of everything else it is literally even my favorite fic length (short enough to read in one shot and long enough to be really substantial)

HELP I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS FIC (AND THIS SHIP D: )

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

Hiiii long sappy post ahead but read for info about the upcoming release of my college fic in bold!!

I’m just over halfway through final edits and the final word count is hovering at around *drum roll* 127k words 😳 If you've been following, I know what you're thinking, yes that is more words than the first draft, I promise I did cut some stuff, this is what we're working with 🤪

So now I'm like... pretty much ready for it to be out in the world? And I hope everyone loves it as much as I do because it really has become very dear to me 🥹 Structure-wise it's appalling, clearly there's still so much that needs to be cut but I'm too attached to it. But emotionally, I think it hits all the right places, there are points it makes me want to cry, there are points it was pure torture to write and yet this doesn't even cover as many years as the real life pre-relationship, there are scenes where I really think the writing is beautiful if I do say so myself. It strayed a little further from real life than I think I originally thought it might but there are still a lot of moments that feel very real to me, or at least to what I imagine they could have been. And this particular characterisation of them? They're my babies. And I had to keep reminding myself while writing it that at this point they WERE babies (18 and 21??????) 😭

I’m very excited to post the first chapter tomorrow (for a reason that will be revealed) and then twice weekly after that on Wednesdays and Saturdays 🗓 Mostly because I don't know if or when I'll write another fic so I'm not ready for this one to be over too quickly 🥺 (Side note: definitely not ruling another fic out! I truly love writing these two so much and if inspiration strikes me again I'm sure I would go for it, but this was the last solid idea I had for a whole fic and I think that's part of why I've taken so much care over it and made it so fucking long trying to include every possible idea I had, because if I am going out on this I want to be going out on a high, which I think this is. I'm gonna try and shift focus to working on some original stuff and we'll just see what happens on the fic front. Anyway!) But when I was calculating dates I realised a twice weekly schedule also means it'll be starting in September and ending in May, which feels like a fitting span for this story, even though it takes place over several years 💙💛

It's going to be a longgg journey, but I hope you'll join me for it, if you want. I've been thinking it might be fun to post the wattpad links to each chapter on here along with a little mini commentary of any thoughts I have about it, any BTS on the process, songs that particularly fit?? I know that’s what author’s notes are for but I feel more connected to my tumblr audience than to wattpad, you know? I don't know, let me know ✏️ But I'm grateful for anyone that wants to read it and any and all feedback. It's rare for me to love my writing as much as I do with this fic but I think it's because of how grounded in reality it is, they definitely feel the most true to the way I see Joey and Lauren that I've ever written them. And I'm really excited to share it with you 🥰

Shoutout to Gabi who's read all but the epilogue and tells me it's good so I know at least one person likes it before I publish it, and is also all round the best and most supportive friend ❤️

And I have to say a huge thank you to anyone who's ever read one of my fics. It started off as a single oneshot after AVPW and I now have like 175k total reads across all my works 🤯 I know that's probably the same 5 people rereading them thousands of times but that's still an absolutely mind blowing number for me. I might not have rediscovered my love of writing if it weren't for all of you. Thank you 💗

And finally here's a cover reveal for Right Place, Wrong Time ‼️ (very basic lmao but some fun/painful fitting details)