#yes i made an edit for them before i even finished editing my carrd or pinned post lmfao

[royalvisage]

𝐒𝐇𝐄  was  funny  ,  creative  ,  𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  into  𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘   .  I  used  to  𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄  bugs  ,  but  somehow  𝐒𝐇𝐄  got  𝐌𝐄  to  like  them  .

[bettsfic]

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[rwbyremnants]

So uhhh one of my reviewers was right; I had posted chapter 23 as chapter 22. I told you guys my brain was smooshed and I needed a break! This is the same chapter 23, but chapter 22 is correct now if you guys want to go back and read it (for the first time). I'll also be editing chapter 24 to post today or tomorrow. Hope everybody's having a good Fall <3 

Also I just made us a Carrd if anybody wanted to apply to be a beta or submit fanart, or donate or whatever!

=Chapter 23

Raven had thrown a small fit when she saw what had become of her daughter’s room. The other four’s insistence that they would clean it all up themselves mollified her, and she got out of their way to let them handle it. Yang went straight for the shower once Weiss promised to bring her some clean clothes, so the other three got to work.

“I really do feel like a blockhead, though,” Ruby said, obviously in higher spirits due to Yang’s begrudging acceptance of her. “I was even thinking to myself, ‘Don’t drop it, don’t say anything dumb,’ and all I did was say dumb things and… well, y’know.”

“What a klutz,” Weiss sighed, though she was smiling as she reached over and mussed up Ruby’s hair. The girl stuck out her tongue through her grin.

“Don’t underestimate the value of a moment like that,” Kali reminded them as she searched for some dishrags in the kitchen drawers. Raven had vanished into the rest of the house so she would be of little help. When they only looked confused, she explained, “You broke the ice. Now Yang can see past what you represent - losing her father, all that old pain - to who you are as a person.”

The grin grew wider. “Really? Me being so square did all that?”

“Yes, sweetheart. All that.”

She was still grinning when Raven returned with a long-sleeved blouse and a dress that was a bit old-fashioned, tossing them onto the back of a chair. “There.”

She had already taken a step toward the hallway again when Weiss asked, “There, what?”

“There,” she answered through gritted teeth, “clothes for the runt to change into.” When they only stared at her, she rolled her eyes in annoyance and disgust. “She got malted on her, too, didn’t she? It’s going to stink. Milk stinks as it goes bad. Are you this slow on purpose?”

“Thank you, Raven,” Kali said very firmly to cut off any rebuttals from Weiss. “We’ll finish up the cleaning while Yang showers.”

Once they were alone again, Weiss whispered, “I think I see what you mean. She keeps doing nice things while acting really mean - like the soup. It’s strange.”

“She’s always been like that, to a lesser degree. Just got worse after Tai left her. Oh-” Smiling a bit wider, she held up a stack of washcloths. “Perfect.”

By the time the bedclothes were changed, Weiss had built up enough confidence to not only bring Yang her clothes, but wait for her to get out of the shower. When the Dragon pushed the curtain aside and saw she was no longer alone, she blinked a few times, then allowed a smug little grin to flit across her lips.

“Soooo.” Reaching out a hand for a towel, expression aloof as if she were royalty, she waited for Weiss to hand it to her before she continued, “Wanted to get a good look at the ol’ chassis, huh? You’ve already seen it’s in tip-top condition.”

Blush already starting, Weiss forced herself to remain calm. When Yang took a step out onto the bathmat, she stood her ground instead of stepping back - so that they were nose-to-nose. Yang blinked at the suddenness of the proximity.

“I wanted to see all of you - without pressure from a gaggle of mean Dragons this time. So thank you for the, um… demonstration.”

Yang bit her bottom lip for a moment, then looked down at her own body and back up. “So, all bragging aside… I know I look pretty good. But you don’t have to prove you’re interested in women if you don’t want to. I’m fine with just taking things slow.”

“You don’t live slow, Yang. I know that.” Her hand drifted up to pet along her hip and waist. “I’m trying to get more comfortable around you like this. It’s… well, I’m still a lot more nervous about it than you are, but it’s better. I’m better.”

“Good. I like it when you’re better. I like seeing that you’re not scared to death my body’s gonna gobble you up.” Her voice dipped a little lower. “Unless you want it to.”

Shivering from those words that sounded like a promise, she whispered, “Maybe I do. Maybe… it’s my turn.”

“Your turn?” Yang’s eyebrows went up, and she grinned. “Ohhhhh, okay. Then maybe you should get rid of my stupid sister and Mrs. B and we can really- OW!”

“You deserved that!” Weiss hissed, letting go of the skin covering Yang’s ribs. “And there’s another pinch in it for you if you insult Ruby again!”

“What did I say?”

“That girl wants to be your actual sister! Not just someone who’s related to you through your father, but… honestly, do you have to call her ‘stupid’?”

Frowning and still rubbing the pinched skin, she turned away as she finally began to dry off. “I didn’t really mean it. Just being… I don’t know. But she’s not my sister. I barely saw her growing up because of how Dad handled things. How Raven and Summer did after he left. They could have kept us together, or at least let us play together, but we barely ever did. And then she dies, and I thought maybe Ruby would move in with us, but… nope. Uncle Qrow gets her, and they hate each other as much as our moms. Worse.”

The silence deepened as she watched Yang angrily scrubbing the water off her skin. It was a little painful just to be watching, so she couldn’t imagine how much worse it was to experience.

“Can’t you see Ruby loves you?”

“Stop, okay? This isn’t your business.”

“No, Yang. It is now. Because you’re my…” She only had to gulp once to get it out. “M-my girlfriend. If I were a boy, we’d be engaged, or pinned or something. And then Ruby would be my future family.”

“Weiss-”

“So it’s important to me that you two get along!”

“Weiss, drop it. I’ll…” When she glanced at her and saw the deadly serious expression on her face, Yang’s softened. “Alright, alright. She did come all the way over here just to bring me a dumb malted, didn’t she?”

“Not just for that. She wanted to see if you were alright. And I stuck my neck out and said you would want to see her, even though you’ve been treating her like a… a wad of used chewing gum!”

Such a comparison made Yang snort in amusement. “Really? As bad as all that?”

“YES!”

“Really?” she asked again, the smile disappearing. “I didn’t… come on, I never hurt her or anything. I may not hang out with her, but that’s because I’m a Dragon. I have my own friends, and she has hers. Didn’t think she would want to keep playing hopscotch with me after so long, anyway. Besides, like I said, Raven and Qrow don’t get along, so it’s just… easier to leave each other alone, right?”

Impatient, Weiss walked over to her and pressed a hand into the small of her back through the towel. “You’re her half-sister. I’d give anything to have Winter here while I was going through all this with my parents! A sister is a friend for life.”

“Friend for life, huh?” Glancing at Weiss and seeing she was serious, she sighed as she patted her hair dry, then turned to cup her cheek. Her heart fluttered, despite the gravity of their conversation. “Alright, enough already. It’s… I’ll give it a try. No promises, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” she told her earnestly, gripping the back of the hand to keep it close.

“You like her, don’t you? My sis.”

“She’s sweet. And… well, I feel a little guilty for only talking to her when I’m worried about you, or talking about you. So I made a promise to myself and to her that I’d be… nicer.”

Yang was quiet as she thought about that for a moment. Then she propped a leg up on the sink as she began to dry it off. “That’s pretty cool of you, though I don’t think I’d like it if it were me. Being a charity case.”

“Not for charity! I really do like her! I mean it!”

“Why? What’s so great about her?” When Weiss frowned, she winced. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Really, tell me about my sister.”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“No, I’m not going to do your work for you. Go out there and learn about her first-hand.” Then she took the towel and began to dry off the leg for her, still speaking in a brisk, businesslike manner. “Just forget she’s Summer’s girl, or about divorces or anything like that, and get to know who Ruby is. Okay?”

After the first few seconds, Yang began relaxing into the motions as she listened. The towel passing up and over her rear got her to chuckle, “Okay. I mean, you’re probably right. Besides, I can’t say ‘no’ to you.”

“Good. Now, I want you to stand on your head and pat your belly.”

“Actually, turns out I can say ‘no’. And I’m sayin’ it now.”

“Oh? But if you stood on your head… I could probably reach something fun very easily.”

One eyebrow raised, Yang turned her head more fully to gaze into Weiss’s eyes. “While I’ve been laid up, you got even bolder. What have you and Kali been up to?”

“Hey! I don’t appreciate you saying things like that!” Though they were both laughing. Weiss rubbed at her hindquarters a little more firmly. “I have been pretty lonely with you laid up.”

“Me, too. Hanging around in my room is driving me stir crazy.”

“Well, it’s only a few more days. But you still have to take it easy for another month, okay? Promise?”

Pouting, Yang turned and lowered her leg again so she could slide her hands around Weiss’s trim waist. She moved her arm pretty confidently, despite the injury; marked progress. “But I want to lift you up onto the sink and drink you down. Right now.”

“O-oh…” Her pulse skyrocketed, but she forced herself to clear her throat and take a step back. “But you won’t. And you won’t put me on your motorcycle, and you won’t punch anyone out. Nothing like that until your shoulder is better.”

“Okay, okay, Mom.”

“And don’t do that! It sounds creepy!”

As they were laughing, there came a harsh knock at the door. “HEY! I said to cut that out in my home, you two!”

“Cut what out, Mom?!” Yang half-shouted, still grinning.

“Don’t sass me or I’ll come in there and deck you one! And I don’t care what I’m interrupting!”

“Mrs. Branwen?” Weiss began. “I was just helping Yang dry off and keeping her company. That’s all, I promise.”

The reasonable response seemed to fluster the woman more than an outraged or angry one might have done. So they heard nothing else but receding footsteps.

“Wow, I can’t believe that worked.”

“Neither can I,” Yang whispered, smiling at her. When Weiss began to rub at her stomach, she said, “Um, a little lower, please.”

Weiss only narrowed her eyes instead of capitulating.

---------------------------------------------

When they returned to her bedroom, they found that Kali and Ruby had done a fantastic job of cleaning up. Yang surprised them all by immediately striding up to Ruby, who was now wearing Raven’s old clothes and looking awkward about having been standing by her window.

“So,” she said with a somewhat-false cheer. “What made you want to drop by today, Rubes?”

“Um… Weiss? She said Mrs. Belladonna could help me get past Raven, so I thought… I mean, hey, why not give it a try? And if you threw me out, I would get over it.”

Shrugging as if it was no big deal, she said, “Well, the malted’s gone, so I guess now we just talk.”

“Right! Talking is good!”

Everything fell silent. As Kali nudged Weiss, both sisters said “Sooo…” in such a similar way that they had to laugh at themselves. Then she noticed Kali was trying to get her to help gather up the dirty bedclothes and take them out, so she obeyed, trying not to be conspicuous.

“I think it’s going to go a lot better from this point forward,” Kali whispered.

“Really? I didn’t make the world’s biggest mistake in bringing Ruby here?” They shared a brief smile as they edged into a small laundry room off the kitchen. “That’s good. I had a feeling all they needed was to talk for more than a few sec-”

They both froze when they saw Raven working on the laundry, box of detergent clutched in her hands as she glared. After a moment or two, she sighed and finished what she was doing, then tried to push past them.

“Wait,” Kali attempted.

“No. This doesn’t change anything. I still don’t want you back in my life, and I don’t want to be ‘best pals’ with the girl dating my daughter. Or with Summer’s little runt. Everybody just leave me alone.”

The problem was, Kali and Weiss were blocking her escape. She could have slipped out the back door and into the yard, but that would have been a truly desperate way to dodge an uncomfortable conversation, and Raven seemed to think she was at least above that.

“Do you know why we’re where we are right now?”

“It’s my house,” she fired back immediately. “Why you’re here is because you can’t help meddling.”

“We’re here because you can’t accept anyone else’s help, or anyone else’s viewpoint. It’s all-Raven, all the time. I loved you both, but Ghira treated me more like I deserved to be treated. Still deserve that.”

“Shut up.” The voice was dangerous, and Weiss felt dread welling up in her at the sight of the fists curling at the woman’s sides. Kali was pushing and it didn’t seem like a wise decision.

“Why? Afraid of the truth?”

“You don’t understand. I’m… none of this matters anymore. Get the hell out of my way before I make you.”

The woman’s elegant Italian features were completely unimpressed. “No. This has been a long time in coming. Your behaviour is so poor that it’s affecting everyone around you. I wouldn’t bother telling you if I didn’t think you could change it. You can. And you’re an adult now, so I think you should.”

“Really?” she laughed harshly, folding her arms over her chest. “You think I’m still in love with you, and if I ‘be a good girl’, you’ll take me back? Is that your plan? Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Of course not. I’m sure you despise me more than you could ever despise anyone else. Even Summer.”

“Then what is the point of this conversation?”

“That you should stop taking out your frustrations on Yang. She’s not her father.”

Stunned by that turn, Raven took a step backward, features slack and completely incensed. “I’m not… what? Don’t you dare. Don’t you DARE accuse me of such a disgusting- who do you think you are?!”

“Someone you used to trust,” Kali sighed, not lowering her gaze but looking as if the fight were finally bleeding out to be replaced by sadness. “I don’t care if you do anymore. Well, that’s a lie; I do care, but I can’t bring myself to be upset about things I cannot change. You’ve made your choices and your judgments, and I’m just old news to you now. But Yang and Ruby, and Weiss here… they need adults in their lives who will treat them with kindness and warmth, and try to guide them without damaging them any more than necessary.”

“Get off your high horse, Belladonna. As if you never did anything that made Blake hate you. Never hurt her without meaning to.”

“I have. Many times. But I’ve never sent her to school limping from injuring her myself.”

Finally, Raven lost her cool - she flew at Kali with both fists raised, aiming to harm. To shut the woman’s mouth so no more accusations could flow forth. The attack was easily dodged, and it was Kali who had Raven pinned against the wall this time, arms gripped so that they squirmed in the small of her back. Completely incapacitated.

“You ever strike Yang again,” she growled menacingly, “and I’ll make sure you can’t anymore. Are we clear?”

“Get off me! She’s my girl! She has to know how hard the world is - has to be… be shown- OW! I can’t let her get soft!” It was probably a combination of the physical and emotional pain, but her eyes began to leak as she struggled to get away fruitlessly. “This world will chew her up and spit her out if I don’t toughen her up! And nobody else will do that for her! The Dragons? HAH! Salem just wants lackeys to do her bidding - not real strength! Why do you think I got out with Tai?! But Yang thinks they’re her ‘family’! I want her to be strong, so she can lead them her own way someday! And wiping her little ass for her like you do ain’t gonna help! So you can take your Sunday School lesson and sit on it!”

The words shocked Weiss a lot more than they did Kali. Maybe she had heard them before, or heard similar from someone else. But the Schnee heiress had never considered for a moment that Raven had struck Yang to help her! Twisted as her logic was, it definitely made a lot more sense than simply not caring about her own daughter. But Kali didn’t take more than a few seconds to respond.

“I know you love her. Even through this terrible attitude, I can see it. But you’re wrong. Beating Yang whenever she gets out of line won’t make her strong; it just makes her hate you, and makes it hard for her to trust anyone else, or respect authority that doesn’t beat her.”

“I don’t care if she hates me. If it works, that’s all that matters. Nobody’s ever gonna take advantage of my Yang. Ever.”

“Raven…” Sighing, she let her go, standing back from the woman. “Fine, be stubborn as always. But my promise remains in place. I can’t stand seeing any more children abused. I won’t stand for it. Don’t make me hurt someone I used to love to stop her from hurting people I currently love. Please.”

For a brief instant, it looked as if Raven was going to argue. But she only looked between Kali’s grim determination, and the bandage on Weiss’s cheek, still mulling the words over for a long time.

“You never loved me,” she finally whispered bitterly.

“I did.”

“You never said it.”

Swallowing hard, she turned away to gaze at the washing machine. “I know. I was afraid that if I did… you would think you had something worth fighting for, and you and Ghira might have torn each other apart. It was the only thing that would have been worse than how things wound up.”

“You’ve never given me a second thought in all those years apart. Admit it.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve thought about you every day. But that changes nothing.”

The room stayed quiet for a few seconds. Suddenly, Weiss couldn’t take it anymore, and she whispered, “Mrs. Branwen?”

“What do you want?” she sneered, annoyed at her thoughts being interrupted.

“I love Yang. And you do, too - and so does Ruby, and Kali, and Blake. Maybe it’s hard for you to see that because… you don’t know us very well.”

“I know Kali too well.”

“But couldn’t you just… give us a chance? Let us disappoint you before you assume we will?”

Raven shook her head, even though the fight had gone out of her. “I can’t. No more chances left. Over and over, I got dumped, and betrayed, and… and I made a vow no one would ever do that to me or my daughter again. Sticking to it.” She took a step toward the door before pausing. “I already said I wouldn’t stop you from coming over to see her anymore. Don’t make me regret that decision.”

“What about Ruby? Can she…” Her throat tightened, but she forced herself to finish. “Can she feel safe coming over by herself?”

“What?”

Exasperated, Weiss squeaked, “You tried to stab her!”

“I protected myself,” she snapped, though without any true bite. “Always find out what people want before you let them in. Good policy. But…” Groaning, she rolled her eyes. “Fine. I know the runt doesn’t pose any threat, so I won’t do that to her again.”

“You’d better not,” Kali put in warningly. Raven only nodded before taking her leave.

“Wow,” Weiss breathed as they slowly came back to life. They had to collect the sheets from the floor, since they had been dropped at some point that she couldn’t even recall. “That was…”

With a long sigh, Kali helped her stuff them into the washing machine with the other clothes. “I know.”

“She does love Yang. I thought she didn’t, since she was acting like my father, I… and I don’t understand how any parent can love their child and still hurt them.”

Choosing her words carefully, the older woman said, “I can understand it. I just can’t abide it. Every child has a right to feel safe and secure when they’re with their own parents, and… and if Yang can’t feel that way with Raven…” Swallowing hard, she slammed the lid shut. “I’ll take her in. I don’t care if it’s going to be difficult, or if she fights me on this. She may not be blood but she’s family.”

“You’d do that?” she breathed in surprise.

“Raven gets one last chance. I think that if she has us around to show her she’s doing things wrong, maybe she’ll change. I certainly hope so. Because if the Raven I used to know is still there, buried under all her bitterness and self-pity…”

But she cut herself off. The thoughts seemed too painful for her to keep focusing on them, and Weiss had no desire to make her endure further pain. Her hand pressed into Kali’s back as they left the clothes to be washed, and Kali spared her a weak smile that faded very quickly. It was nearly as sad as if she had never smiled at all.

-------------------------

The rest of their visit was much more amiable. Ruby and Yang seemed to be getting along a little better now; Yang would still say some things that came across as harsh or abrasive, but she had begun to notice that on her own and apologise. Kali hung back and said very little, sipping at the mug of green tea she had prepared for herself. Weiss tried to follow her example, only speaking when spoken to.

Raven didn’t reappear. When Weiss took Kali’s teacup to the kitchen, she could see her outside hanging up the washing to dry through the little window in the backdoor, but otherwise they didn’t encounter her again. It was another instance of seeing that Raven did care. She just often showed it in such a terrible way that it was dangerous.

When dinnertime began to approach, Raven did stop by to shoo them away. Kali smirked while she offered to whip them up something and stay even longer, knowing full well she would be turned down; Raven didn’t disappoint, threatening to grab a broom and literally sweep them out the front door if they dallied.

As a last-minute decision, Kali took them by the grocery store and picked up some ingredients, then drove over to the Schnee estate. Weiss’s mother was glad to see them, though initially confused about who Ruby was. Pyrrha dropped by while they were still preparing dinner, having seen the foreign car in their drive, and stayed to help both make and eat the pasta and garlic bread they had prepared. She also had a bottle of grape juice, which made a sad little laugh come from Willow as she poured them all glasses.

It was a lovely time. Weiss watched the two parents closely for any signs that they were drifting yet closer, but saw no such moment come to pass; maybe she really was imagining things. After all, her mother wasn’t that sort of person! Then again, she didn’t think she was herself, either, and now she was dating Yang.

Whitley was oddly silent all the while. Sometimes, he would look at the two family members at the table with resentment, and other times he simply seemed sad. Never said a word to the guests. Eventually, he asked to be excused and went straight to his room and never re-emerged.

That night, once all the guests had gone home, Weiss caught her mother in her father’s study, running one hand over each item with tenderness, a handkerchief pushed into her lips and nose. It was too bleak a sight for her to ignore.

“Mother?”

“Oh,” she blasted out, so startled she knocked a crystal paperweight from the desk. It broke in two. “AH! Oh dear, that wasn’t- Jacques loved that thing…”

Stooping to pick up the pieces for her, she set them on the desk before turning to look at her. “Um… dinner was nice. With Mrs. Belladonna here, and… Ruby and Pyrrha. Wasn’t it?”

Haunted as her eyes were, her mother did smile. “It was. I owe Kali a debt of gratitude; she’s been so kind and considerate. A real gem.”

“Should I expect that she’ll be welcome around here more often?” Weiss asked with a hopeful smile. “And maybe we could drop by the Belladonna home now and then?”

“Of course! Oh, I wouldn’t dream of refusing an invitation.” Sighing, she gazed down at the broken paperweight, fingers brushing over the facets. “It’s funny… I really thought I would be more devastated than I am by Jacques being taken away. But instead, I feel… I don’t know.”

“Free?”

“That’s not what… well…” Her eyes widened very slightly in mingling alarm and recognition. “That’s it. Weiss, you found exactly- I feel free. But that isn’t right, is it? He’s my husband.”

“He hurt you. And he hurt me. Kali’s been teaching me about this; she says it’s not alright for a family member to hurt another like that. And… well, I think I agree.” She felt terrified, since these things applied to her father and to Willow’s husband, but she forced herself to continue. “Maybe we can forgive them, and try to do better. Or maybe we can’t. But we can’t just let them keep hurting us. It’s not fair, and it’s unacceptable.”

The woman’s other hand came up and caressed Weiss’s cheek, then gripped her chin to gently lift her face and get a better look at her eyes. She could see her mother’s were haunted but clearer than they had been in years, and at least she was smiling.

“How did my little girl get to be so wise?”

“I’m not so little anymore, Mother.”

“And when did she stop calling me ‘Mommy’?” They both laughed. “Oh… I love you, my angel. My sweet, brave little angel.”

The embrace was enough to erase almost all of the hurt from the previous weeks. Though it had happened in such an unexpected way, she would have traded a dozen of her father just to have her mother back in her life again. Luckily, she didn’t have to.

[aromoji]

So I’m finally getting around to do that aspec Q & A that @ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity posted, and I have quite a few aspec ocs so this could get rather lengthy but here we go

1. What was your inspiration for your character(s)? Are they modeled on yourself, a person that you know, or a character that’s already been established?

My first aspec oc, Abby Scott, was based on myself when I thought I was a biromantic ace girl. So she takes a lot after me. 

Theo Yamada, on the other hand, was a completely new character. I don’t exactly remember why I made him alloarospec, and I’ve been flipping from one arospec identity to the other, but no matter what he always remained alloaro. 

Mina Nicholson was my first character that I had predetermined to be alloaro from the start. She’s based on an old tumblr post about some super hero series idea called “Aces and Arrows.” I obviously didn’t make Mina into some superhero, but her guitar skills make her come pretty close :D. 

Brittany Olajobi is also based on an old tumblr post. Remember the “All or Nothing” idea thing that was floating around here?(Yes, I’m aware it turned into a scam, but I thought the premise was cute). Since no one actually made anything out of that I decided to make the characters my own. The asexual and pansexual girls were roomates....but also girlfriends. That idea kinda evolved into one of my newer series called “Play the Rainbow”, but that’s gonna take a while to explain.

Queenie Brooks...is based on a crude caricature someone made of an ace person (the “artist” has probably never talked to an ace person outside of tumblr but whatever), so I took that character and fleshed her out. She’s an aroace trans girl who’s evry big in activist circles, especialy the sex worker industry

2. How much, if any, has your character(s) changed since they were first created? What caused this change?

Abby and Brittany haven’t changed much besides in their appearance, Queenie and Mina underwent drastic appearance changes since they were created, and Theo’s kinda been going back and forth on the aromantic spectrum,  from strictly aro to demiromantic to aroflux. I’ve finally settled one greyromantic, which coinicdentially is what I identify as.

4. Do you intend on publishing your story one day? Why, or why not?

Probably not. I’m closeted in real life and likely to stay that way as long as I’m financially dependent on my parents.

7. Time to get serious for a bit. There’s been heavy debate on having non-human characters identify as ace, aro, non-binary, etc., but never actual humans. As someone who’s aspec, how would you explain to someone who’s allo why this can be and is seen as hurtful?

Ace and Aro people have been seen as inhuman and robotic for not feeling attraction, especially not in the same way that people who aren’t aro or ace do. Please reconsider making that animal/robot/alien oc aspec unless all or most of your characters aren’t human as well.

8. It’s a sad reality that many stories in mainstream media don’t have characters that are aspec, not to mention without resorting to harmful stereotypes. Besides there being nothing wrong with IDing as aspec, why did you choose to have your character ID as such? What would you tell other authors who’re interested in writing characters that are aspec, but are afraid of offending the community?

I make my characters aspec because. I’m aspec. Also there aren’t a lot of aspec representation (the little we get lol) that isn’t white or cis or yes, heteromantic./heterosexual. Considering the fact that I’m none of those things, all of my aspec ocs are poc like me, some even trans as well. To authours who want to write aspec characters but don’t want to offend the community, PLEASE ask around. Ask more than one person of that specific demographic. Their opinion should not be the only one that shapes yours! Also, if you’re writing an alloaro character, don’t ask someone who’s alloace or aroace. Similarly, don’t ask an alloaro person about writing alloace/aroace characters. Aspec people are not a monolith, our experiences are not the same

9. If you’re comfortable with sharing, what is your characters’ identity? Do they use any microlabels? Does theirs reflect your own?

Abby is a biromantic ace, Theo is a greyromantic bisexual, Mina is an alloaro bisexual, Brit is an ace lesbian, and Queenie is an oriented aroace trans woman.

11. Why do you think that not just representation is important, but GOOD representation? Can you offer any examples?

Fiction affects reality. Therefore, how people see us in the media affects how they see us in real life.

14. What’s a brief biography of your character? Is their history, personality, and/or looks similar to your own?

Uh I don’t necessarily have biographies for them but I have an oc carrd with their details

15. What are the themes of your story? Is it a lighthearted adventure, or are we talking deep, ocean-sized levels of angst? Why, or why not, did you choose them?

It’s a mix of light hearted fun and lots of angst. But everyone (who deserves it) gets a happy ending so it’s all good.

16. How long have you been writing? Has your style changed from when you first began to now? What are some tips you’d give to those who’re interested in writing a story of their own, be it professionally or as a hobby?

I’ve been writing since I was 8. I once won an honorable mention in a writing competition in the third grade believe it or not lol. My writing has definetely changed a lot, and that’s partially thanks to my English teachers I had along the way. My advice to people interested in writing a story on their own is to invest in a laptop/notebook and find time to write. Any time at all.

17. What’s your process for writing? Do you plan your story out first, write whatever you want then edit later, or both? How might this help others?

Planning? Ha! I write as I go. Sometimes I go back and edit entire scenes before publishing tho.

18. Your book’s become quite popular, easily reaching the New York Times Bookseller list, and now, you’ve been picked to lead a writing workshop. It goes swimmingly, and afterward, someone comes and tells you that your book not only inspired them to write a story of their own, but also helped them discover and accept their identity. What’s your reaction?

I’m...not good with compliments.

20. Just for fun, write down a paragraph of your most recent writing. It can be an action-packed scene, some witty dialogue, or a colorful description that you really enjoyed. (Be sure to properly tag any possible triggers!)

Here’s what I’ve started working on:

Theo smooths out the wrinkles on his blue uniform, giving himself a once over in the mirror. All his belongings of 5 long years were packed and ready to board on the ship the  higher-ups would issue to him He turns and takes down one last poster and rolls it up, placing it in his duffel bag. Perfect. Now all he had to do was go through the graduation ceremony and he’d get his first assignment. His hard work being at the top of his class was finally going to pay off.

“Heyyyy, my older twin’s looking sharp tonight!” Trent exclaims, leaning in the doorway with his own uniform in red. He whirls into the room, flopping on the now barren bed. “Ahh, this bed has so many memories. Come on, sit with me!”

“Trent, the ceremony’s so soon.”

“Theooooo,” he pouts. “This may be the last time we see this room, because we’ll be in space!”

He wiggles his fingers in Theo’s face for dramatic effect. The older twin chuckles, taking a seat on the bed.

“Let’s see,” Theo muses, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “I remember when we first got here. We were 10 years old, tiny, adorable and innocent little creatures. You were so terrified because they had put us in separate rooms.”

“I was not!” Trent argues. “It was just…a bit of a shock considering I always slept with someone else in my room instead of…all by myself.’

“Whatever. You crept into my room in the middle of the night, poked me awake and gave me the whole puppy-dog-eyes-and-quivering-bottom-lip routine to get me to beg me to let you sleep in my bed that night.”

“And you pretty much told me to go play in traffic,” he laughs. “And I still got in your bed anyway and slept there the whole night!”

“And you kept doing it until you turned 12!” Theo finishes with a playful shove.