#yes i know i haven't been posting much lately but life has been crazy since i got sick & i'll be traveling again this weekend

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 1

Hello! Sorry it's been nothing but one-shots lately, but as I said in this post here I haven't abandoned anything, my life has just got a little crazy lately.

This was conceived because my sister's former mother-in-law passed away due to massive heart failure a week ago and I chose to write this story as a way with dealing it. I didn't know her well, but I did know her and that's enough I think to feel some grief at her passing. She was a year younger than my dad.

Summary: Eddie and Wayne have to go back to Kentucky when Eddie's grandmother (and Wayne and Al's mother) passes. Steve comes along when Eddie suggests that he would feel better if he came. Along the way they learn about each other's pasts and find out that they are each other's future.

***

Eddie walked into the Family Video and had to stop and gaze fondly at the sight before him. Steve was draped over the counter reading a magazine and steadfastly ignoring the bell above the door that announced his arrival.

He got up to the desk and greeted affectionately, “Hey, Stevie.”

Steve bolted straight up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Oh hi, Eds. I didn’t realize that it was you.”

Eddie smiled for the first time in days.

Steve grinned back. “You know, a boy could start to think you were avoiding him. You know, since I haven’t seen you around in days.”

Eddie winced, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. “Sorry, man. I had family stuff.”

Steve’s teasing grin slid off his face. “Shit. I’m sorry. That was a dick move.”

Eddie waved his hands. “No, no. There was no way for you to know. In fact, that’s why I’m here. To make sure you don’t think that I’m avoiding you. Because I wouldn’t. You see Wayne and I have to go back to Ashland for a funeral.”

Steve’s already contrite expression softened further. “Oh, Eds. That’s awful. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Eddie’s eyes welled up and before the first tear could fall, Steve was over that counter and wrapping him up in his arms.

“I’ve got you, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I’m here now.”

Eddie sobbed and sobbed as Steve just gently rubbed his back until he calmed down enough to talk.

“It’s Uncle Wayne’s mom, my grandma,” he explained, clutching Steve’s shirt like a life line. “She was just the sweetest old lady and now she’s gone. I’m going to miss her.”

“Oh, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I’m sorry. That must just be awful for you. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”

Eddie chuckled into Steve’s work vest. “Too bad you can’t come with. I think I’d feel braver about seeing all Dad’s family again if you were there.”

Steve grabbed his biceps and pushed him back gently. “Done.”

Eddie stuttered and sputtered. “Stevie, no...”

Steve picked up the phone on the counter and dialed a number. “Stevie yes.”

And Eddie watched in awe horror as Steve’s eyes suddenly welled up with tears and he rubbed his nose.

“Keith?” Steve said, his voice rough as if he had been doing the crying. “Yeah, I just got a call from my mom. My grandmother has died and I have to go to Kentucky for the funeral.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. He didn’t even know that Steve knew where Ashland was.

“Yeah, my mom is from Lexington,” Steve said with a wink at him. “A real southern belle. I’ve seen pictures of her debutante ball and everything.”

Eddie snorted, because of course she was.

“I would need at least a week,” Steve was saying. “With the reading of the will and all.”

Eddie scoffed. If there was a will, he very much doubted there would be anything as formal as a reading of the damn thing.

“Oh thank you so much,” Steve sniffled. “I’ll even call Robin and let her know about her needing to pick up a few shifts.”

And like that Steve had gotten the week off.

“And the award for best crocodile tears to get out of working goes to Steve Harrington!” Eddie said, waving his hands back and forth. “Holy shit, man, how did you do that?”

Steve snorted. “As any good actor will tell you in order to cry on command, you just need to think about something that makes you cry.”

Eddie frowned. “What did you think of?”

Steve just shrugged. “What time are you guys leaving?”

“Tomorrow, early,” he said. “But serious, dude, even after that stellar performance, you don’t really have to come. Take the week off. Enjoy life for a change.”

Steve shook his head. “I would just be at home worried about you. Don’t make me stay. Please. Not when you said you would feel better with me there.”

Eddie’s shoulders slumped as he gave in. “Of course I want you there, but I would be selfish to take you away from your family for so long. Robin, Dustin...the rest of the them all need you too.”

Steve sighed heavily. “You’re part of that family, Eds. And I’m not dumb enough to think that they aren’t going to make a run for it the second they’re able to. As they should. I have to live my own life and not be afraid to go places.”

Eddie threw his arms in the air. “I hate when you make sense.”

Steve grinned. “Now the only remaining question is which vehicle we’re taking, Wayne’s truck, your van, or my car?”

Eddie laughed. “God, Stevie. I am so glad you’re coming with me. I needed that. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Steve’s grin turned soft and fond. “Let’s hope you never have to find you.”

“Damn straight.”

*

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Robin groused when Steve called her after Eddie left.

“What was I supposed to do when he asked?” Steve questioned, twirling the phone cord around his fingers. He leaned against the counter, keeping an eye on the door.

The last thing he needed was Keith finding out he fucked around after giving him the week off.

Robin scoffed. “Not go?” she questioned. “He obviously wasn’t serious about you coming with.”

"You know I would do the same for you," he said with a sigh. "For any of you. Plus his life has already been turned upside down enough, don't you think?"

Robin sighed. "I'm not really mad," she said. "It's just that this will be the longest we've been apart since the Russians under the mall."

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just think of it as a trial run for when you go to college."

"Yeah okay," she said resigned. "Just call me before you leave and again when you get there, okay?"

"Aye, aye, captain!" Steve said with a grin.

Robin giggled. "Shut up!" She paused for a moment. "I'll miss your stupid face, dingus."

“I’ll miss yours, too,” Steve said with a sigh. “I’ll call as often as I can okay?”

“You better.”

They talked a little bit longer until a customer came in and he had to hang up.

*

When he got home he started calling all the kids and packing for a week long trip. He wasn’t sure what he should bring in terms of clothes and ended up calling Eddie.

Eddie who laughed when he asked. “Just bring what you would normally wear this time of year.”

Steve chewed on his lip. “So I won’t get mercilessly teased about my preppy clothes?”

“Oh no, you will,” Eddie confirmed. “It’s just you don’t have to change yourself to fit in with a bunch of assholes who would make fun of you. Okay?”

Steve let out a slow breath and his anxiety went with it. He could handle that. Those assholes had never met a bitch like Steve Harrington before.

“Yeah, okay,” he said after a moment. “You and Wayne decide which vehicle we’re taking?”

“Yeah, he suggested we take his truck and your car,” Eddie said. “He knows he’s going to be taking a lot back and thinks your car will make it better than my van.”

“Sounds good,” Steve murmured, a little disappointed. “So who will you be riding with for the trip down?”

He could almost feel the grin from here. “With you, of course, darlin’.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah okay. What time do you need me at your house?”

There was a beat and then two before Eddie said, “I was thinking that you should spend the night so we could leave first thing in the morning.”

Steve’s heart sped up as his breath caught in his chest. “Yeah. Sure. That’s a good idea. I’ll show up at eight tonight, give myself a little bit more time to pack.”

“Sounds good,” Eddie replied. “Wayne suggested it because it’s a six hour drive and we want to leave as early as we can so it’s not too late when we get there.”

Steve felt a jumble of emotions at that statement. It was a relief that it was a practical reason, but at the same time it was a disappointment that it wasn’t Eddie’s idea.

He took a deep breath. “I hear that. I remember the trips to Lexington when I was kid before we started flying. They were a bitch.”

“It really surprises me that you have family in Kentucky. I don’t know why, a lot of people in Indiana do, it’s just...”

“Harringtons are so entrenched in Hawkins it’s weird to think we have connections outside of it?” Steve supplied.

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, that.”

“My parents met in college and I didn’t move to Hawkins until I was eight,” Steve said.

“Wait,” Eddie said. “No way. You aren’t a Hawkins native?”

Steve chuckled. “Nope. I’m more like you and Dustin then the Wheelers and the Byers. And the Sinclairs.”

“Huh,” Eddie said after a moment. “You certainly have hidden depths, my friend.”

“You have no idea,” Steve teased.

“Then I’ll just have to use this trip to dive deeper,” Eddie teased back.

“I have to pack, you dork,” Steve said fondly. “I’ll be over at eight.”

“See you then, Stevie.”

***

Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12

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[chelseachilly]

how deep is your love

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: ben's drunk and can't stop telling you how much he loves you 🩵 warnings: none :) word count: 1.4k

author’s note: written based on this post from @benchilwellx bc it was such a cute concept, just a quick fluffy little one-shot to get the writing juices flowing :) sorry i haven't updated this love in a couple weeks but life has been crazy! hoping to get the next chapter posted in the next week but enjoy this in the meantime 💗

also for the sake of this fic let's pretend chelsea didn't have a game this weekend, tbh would rather forget the one they did play lol

-

In the two years you’ve known Ben, and just over a year since you’ve been a couple, you could count on one hand the number of times you’ve seen him truly drunk. 

With the football season preventing him from indulging too much for most of the year, and fitness at the top of his mind even in the off-season, he rarely gets the opportunity. Usually, when you go out, he either drives or makes sure to get you home safely in an Uber, and if you’ve had a really fun night, he’ll help you take off your makeup or even hold your hair back if necessary. 

So it’s an interesting turn of events when you show up a bit late to his best mate Harvey’s birthday celebration at a fancy club in Soho and find your boyfriend clearly tipsy already. 

He’s sitting in a booth next to Tom and Harvey singing along to some 90s R&B song, a drink in hand that is definitely not his first, or even his second or third. He’s a bit of a sight to behold, as he so rarely drinks this much, but you can’t help but smile at the sight of him letting loose - you know how much pressure he’s been under lately with the captain duties. 

“Babe!” Ben exclaims with wide eyes and an even wider grin as soon as he sees you, stumbling a bit as he gets up from the booth. “You’re here!”

He quickly makes his way to you and pulls you in for a sloppy kiss, and you can taste the liquor on his tongue. You sink into him nonetheless, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms after a long day of work.

As soon as you pull back, he rests his forehead against yours and takes a deep breath, his thumbs drawing circles on your waistline.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, babe,“ you smile back at him warmly, enjoying this affection, no matter how much tequila is playing a part. “You pretty drunk?”

“Mhm,” Ben says with a slightly dazed expression, his eyes still focused on your lips. “The boys were making me take shots since there’s no game this week.”

You chuckle slightly, rolling your eyes at Ben’s - and by extension, your - good friends at the booth behind him, dancing and ordering another round of shots. You’re glad Harvey’s having a good birthday.

“I’m happy you’re having fun, baby, you deserve it,” you say sincerely, cupping his face with both hands before leaning in to kiss him again. “Now, it seems I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“Go sit with the boys, I’ll get you a drink,” Ben offers, pressing another quick kiss to your cheek before heading to the bar.

You nod with a smile and go to sit next to Harvey, pulling him into a quick hug and wishing him a happy birthday.

“Now, which one of you is responsible for my drunk boyfriend?” you inquire, raising an eyebrow as you glance back at Ben, who is still smiling lovingly at you from the bar. 

“That would be the birthday boy,” Tom chuckles. “He’s bloody entertaining though, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s going to have to deal with him hungover tomorrow,” you joke.

The last time he was hungover, after one fun night on the yacht in Italy this summer, Ben had forced you to spend the whole day in bed cuddling with him. You pretended to be annoyed for about five minutes before giving in - partly because you can never turn down his cuddles, and partly because you were pretty hungover too. 

Speaking of how adorable your boyfriend is, within minutes he’s headed back over to you with that same dopey grin on his face and two vodka sodas. It’s your favourite, and his go-to during the season when he’s watching his calories.

“For you, my darling,” Ben says in an overly posh accent as he hands you the glass, making you giggle.

He then practically shoves Tom over to make room for himself to sit next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders protectively and kissing your cheek. You can feel yourself blushing from the unusually overt PDA, as he typically reserves this kind of affection for home, but you don’t mind.

“I love you,” Ben whispers once again against your temple, burying his nose in your hair. “So, so much. Missed you today.”

It’s amazing the way those three words still give you the same butterflies as the first time you heard them, making you smile like a lovestruck fool.

“I missed you too, baby,” you murmur, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make dinner. You know how crazy work has been.”

Ben and the boys had been a bit disappointed when you weren’t able to join them for dinner earlier, mainly because you’ve been so busy at work lately due to a recent promotion that your friends have hardly seen you. Even Ben’s time with you has been limited, especially with him also putting in extra time at Cobham as captain while Reece is out. 

It’s been an exciting time for both of you career-wise, but it’s also meant spending less time together, which is probably why Ben is being so clingy right now and why you’re welcoming his clinginess.

“S’okay, I’m just glad you’re here now,” Ben says, kissing your cheek a few more times before returning the conversation with the boys.

You contently settle into Ben’s side, his arm still firmly wrapped around you, and sip your drink while they talk about football and the girl Anish is seeing. When Ben interrupts the other guys’ suggestions of playing it cool and waiting to text her back by telling his friend to be honest and just tell her how he feels, your heart swells with pride that your boyfriend is the most emotionally intelligent guy you know.

“Since Ben’s the only one successfully in a relationship, I’m gonna take his advice,” Anish laughs, raising his drink to you. “Unless he just got lucky with Y/N.”

“Nah, he won me over fair and square,” you say, turning your face to meet Ben’s eyes and smiling lovingly at him. “I’m the lucky one.”

The way Ben’s eyes shine and his lip quivers slightly at your words makes it impossible for you to resist leaning in to press a quick peck to his mouth. It’s not your fault he’s so adorable, nor is it your fault that Ben deepens the kiss and pulls you closer.

“Alright, we’re going to get more drinks, we’ll leave you to it,” Harvey says with an eye-roll as the rest of your group gets up and starts to walk over to the bar.

You pull back from Ben’s kisses, feeling a bit embarrassed by how touchy you’re being, but he only takes the opportunity to grab your waist and hoist you into his lap.

“Baby,” you sigh, really enjoying the warmth of his arms and the little kisses he’s leaving on your neck. “Don’t you think we should cool it a bit? It’s Harvey’s birthday, doubt he wants to watch us do this all night.”

“Can’t help it,” Ben mumbles into your neck, sending a shiver up your spine. “I just love you so much.”

Ben never shies away from reminding you of this fact, often the last three words he says to you before bed or when you’re leaving the house, but he tends to tell you how much he loves you even more than normal when he’s drinking. You’re not sure if he forgets that he already told you multiple times or just that he feels particularly lovey when intoxicated. Either way, you love it.

“I love you so much too, Benji,” you smile, kissing his forehead and adorning the way his eyes flutter shut in contentment. “Why don’t we stay for one more drink and then go home and have sex on the couch and fall asleep watching Love Island?”

His eyes light up like a child who’s just been offered ice cream before bed, and he nods eagerly.

“Alright, but you’re gonna have to let me off your lap, babe,” you chuckle, ruffling his hair. “Unless you wanna get roasted mercilessly.”

“Don’t care,” Ben grumbles into your hair, but when you pull back and give him a warning look, he sighs and gives in. “Fine, but we’re dancing.”

You squeal slightly as you’re lifted off your feet, Ben dragging you to the dance floor. You might be exhausted and ready to go home at this point, but you’re content to spend the next few minutes dancing to some Calvin Harris song in the arms of your drunk boyfriend, him whispering how much he loves you between the choruses.

[naneun-no]

Hi! So... Am I the only one who thinks Jikook haven't been living under the same roof for quite a while now? I feel like some people, esp Jikookers, don't even want to see it as a possibility, but if we don't want to start acting like a cult we need to start developing some critical thinking (which I think is healthy and needs to be done) Also, I've seen a lot of people say "JK is having a hard time, imagine not spending every second with your partner like you used to bc of his crazy schedule" and tbh, I was thinking just like that at first, but now? Jimin is busy, yes of course, but he clearly has time to hang out with Hobi or even going to visit Jin (which was so nice to see btw, not complaining) I honestly don't think JK and Jimin are hanging out much, actually, I dont even think they see each other often, since JK seems to be living his best introverted life and quite isolated from the rest of the boys (except Tae, which Im kind of glad, at least he is getting out of the house and having a good time) Maybe we should start considering the possibility of them just not sharing time bc they simply chose to and not bc Jimin is busy with his album. I now what they chose to share with us is just a small part of their lives, and there could be a million other possible scenarios, Im not saying Im right or wrong, just what's been on my mind lately. Im not coming here as an insecure Jikooker to seek for aproval, or with bad intentions, Im just sharing my thoughts and genuinely curious to know if anyone else thinks on a similar way. Thank you for taking the time to read💜

Hey! I appreciate the kind way you phrased all of this. In short, if you’ve ever read anything I’ve posted you know what I’m gonna say next: maybe that’s true and feel free to think that 🤷‍♀️

I still don’t get why the idea that they’ve chosen not to spend any time together (which we have no evidence of except for a lack of evidence the other way) is more compelling than the idea that they do in fact spend plenty of time together and just don’t share it (which we also have no evidence of except for the way they treat each other when we do see them). Both have a dearth of evidence, except one seems out of character.

Does that make sense? Like it’s perfectly possible they don’t hang. But also, they were like magnets on all the final Run BTS episodes. Not just magnets but affectionate, touchy, best-friend-or-more type magnets. But also, Jung Kook asked Jimin to come over during a recent live, while being all giggly and cheesy and excited to see him. It didn’t seem like a “it’s been so long, I’m saying this just out of an awkward sense of duty,” to me — it seemed like something that probably happens often. Jimin said something to the effect of “I’ll come after work” or something close, right? (He said many other things too but that was the only one that correlated directly to hanging out other than the one where he expressed desire to tie back JK’s hair which could be innocuous or could be something he does when they hang out, who knows?). But also, JK told his boxing instructor that JM would come soon, but also JM talked to that same instructor like he knew him well, and likely has gone with JK to lessons in the past. But also, it really hasn’t been that long since JK’s weirdly sexual/teasing birthday video for Jimin and now several members have had birthdays pass and nobody else got that treatment. But also… the list goes on, I’m sure there’s more but my coffee’s getting cold.

So, I can’t speak for all Jikookers because we are in fact not a cult, so there aren’t established patterns of belief that we all must adhere to. You think maybe they’ve stopped hanging out cause they haven’t shared it with you. Cool. Many others, myself included, think it’s unlikely that you would abruptly stop hanging out with someone who clearly means so much to you while still continuing to treat said person in a loving, flirty, domestic manner. They don’t act like exes, not even a little bit, so we have no reason to think they are. I think it seems much more in character for them to be preserving the final shreds of privacy they have to protect the relationship that means more to them than the other ones; or at least means something different.

Idk, but if you actually believed them to be dating at any point, or even just as close of friends as they appear, regardless of dating, think of how that would look if they suddenly stopped speaking.

Remember when Tae and JK did kinda stop hanging out? Remember how it was kind of obvious through their interactions that they weren’t as close, and then they full on addressed it in that conversation and talked about how they needed to put more effort into their friendship (which kudos to them, like you said, seems like they are). If anything, Jimin and JK’s relationship over the years has seemed even more close and symbiotic than almost any other friendship in the group except maybe vmin. So I would think if that was crumbling away, we’d see a lot more in their interactions than giggly, sweet, heart eyes and “eat well my baby” comments.

Feel free to disagree!

[thatspiritualbabe]

I'm Redefining How I Practice Manifestation

I wanted to start off this article by thanking everyone that has been supporting me so far. It means a lot to know that people like reading my blog and to be connecting with like-minded people. I kinda wanted to expand upon the last post so I'll link it if you haven't already read:

Why Manifestation Isn't an Exact Science

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately and it's crazy to see how much I've grown since I began practicing manifestation 3 1/2 years ago. When I first discovered manifestation, I immersed myself in this new way of life. I applied manifestation to getting a specific person (SP), career, health, friends, and many more. I had manifested so many things I had wanted, but not in the way I had imagined.

There are so many people that preach about don't give up, don't ever take no for an answer, keep persisting. Less commonly do I see people discuss walking away from situations and people that no longer serve you.

I don't want to sound like a pessimist. I do believe in manifestation. I've proven it works time and time again, but I've also applied manifestation to everything and everyone to the point I became overwhelmed. I used to affirm affirm affirm all day long, to the point I wasn't focusing on much else other than my manifestations. I used to ignore the 3D and suppress my emotions to the point that I couldn't anymore. I used to blame myself every time someone treated me poorly because of everyone is you pushed out (EIYPO) or maybe something is wrong with my self concept or maybe I have some limiting beliefs to work through. Yes, these can be true, but it's also important to recognize sometimes the way someone treats you has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.

This past January, I had a moment where I became so burnt out I couldn't keep actively affirming to control every situation, every person, every outcome. Instead, I decided to control how do I perceive things when they happen so I don't spiral. Some events I look back on in a neutral lens, rather than a negative lens. I'm evaluating what did I learn from this instead of this happened to me. I'm learning to go with the flow a bit more, and focus on myself. Once I let go, stopped worrying about manifesting this and that, controlling this person and that outcome, took a breather, and started doing things that made me happy, it's allowed me to naturally attract more positive people and events into my life. I saw a quote on FB awhile back: as soon as you choose YOU everything else chooses you too. And for now, this is how I'm manifesting, by nurturing my relationship with myself first and foremost. This has allowed me so much growth. I've come to a place where I finally love myself and am finding enjoyment in my life.

I hope this made sense. I hope it helps you and provides comfort you're not alone on your spiritual journey. If you made it this far, please consider liking, following, and sharing. Even if I reach one person, I'm happy to be helping that one person and making a difference. <3

[crowhyun]

Hi crow!! Just saw ur replies and im really glad things are going well in ur life! Cant imagine the stress youd hv to go through in the medical field and premed 😵‍💫😵‍💫, mad respect for that. But i do hope youll be able to enjoy it! Hope everything goes smoothly!

Now... OMG SJSJSJKDKSKSNKDKEKKEKSES absolutely cannot wait for u to post AKAHAHHAJJSHSJAKHJDK i will be counting the seconds to tmr. I so glad i came back on tumblr just in time for this, cant imagine missing it. Its deffo been awhile since ive read ffs or anyt in general so im rly rly rly looking forward to it!

Also im rly rly happy to hear that u want to continue AI taehyun and that u hv ideas in ur mind for it. I do rly love angst so im looking forward to it even more!!! Ill be waiting patiently for u to post it and i will savour it sweetly when u do 😁😁

I like how u used the word fated in ur reply bc i rly do believe in fate most times. Theres j wayyy too many crazy things in life that happens "coincidentally" and its rly hard to believe sometimes. Like how??? Sometimes life does some crazy things that throws u off ur tracks but it ultimately shows u another path. So i like to call it fate. I rly love the idea of fate and destiny bc life is rly uncontrollable and unpredictable and sometimes only fate is the answer behind it.

Im glad that we're fated in some kind of way. It rly is fate. From discovering ur works, to creating a new acc and now getting back to being more active on tumblr again. There j isnt an answer behind how this could've happened. So i would just like to say, its fate.

Also sort of a tmi, but the reason i love the idea of fate so much is actually bc of an anime movie "your name" i loveddd this movie so so much and it sorta revolves around fate, and the red string of fate that kept the 2 main characters intertwined and connected. Dk if u rmb but txt once released a jpnese song called "Ito", which means string/ thread. It talks about how we'll always be connected by fate and we'll forever be intertwined. I loved it so so much because it made me think of that movie and it rly just felt like fate that txt, a grp i loved released a song that resonates with a movie i loved greatly. Also 0x1's jpnese mv used comets in it which plays a key role in "your name". Theres j so many things that just seems like fate.

Woah yapped alot here, but again rly looking forward to ur work! I hope ull be able to work on it freely and smoothly, that everything goes well and u enjoy the process of writing it and the end product! Rly rly happy to hear ull try to be more active again, and I'll definitely drop by more often knowing that! Also, i think its been awhile since uve had a new anon and i hv no idea if ure still taking them, but if u are, dym if i be ☄️ anon 🥹🥹. I think the comet means so so much to me and the fact that u brought up fate made me rly think it is fate that we're able to meet despite always being inactive. Another crazy long msg i hope u like them 🥹🥹🥹, but again lots of love 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

☄️ anon (if u dont mind :))

HIIIIII i'm so sorry for answering this late, I haven't been on tumblr bcs these last two weeks of the semester are kicking my ass and my anxiety has been skyrocketing :( though, I'm getting through it

and YES, I really believe in fate, too! Whether it be god, the universe, or something else, fate is one of the things I full heartedly believe in. I'm not exactly religious, but I am a bit spiritual, and I also do tarot readings. Tarot has a lot of mixed reactions and beliefs as a divination source, but I think that rather than there being a spirit talking to me through the cards, it's fate. I do a lot of readings for my mom, and even though I forget what the cards say after doing the readings, she remembers and it's insane how the cards are always right T.T the cards fall out of the deck due to fate. Sometimes, it has be wondering if the future is already set in stone.

I've also finished watching Attack on Titan, and the future being set in stone is kinda the premise of the show if you haven't watched it. The ending also made me super depressed, and I know that I should stop watching depressing anime, but it's so good and I think a toxic trait of mine is that I like the feeling it gives me. Like, I like being sad. Idk lol.

Also, with writing, I think I found out the reason why I stopped. For one, I've kind of lost interest in TXT and kpop as a whole. I still listen to the music often, but I don't keep up with the news as much as I used to. Another thing is that watching certain things like AOT, I always wonder if I'll ever be able to create something as powerful and heart wrenching as something like that. Something to move people and have them thinking about it for years after. And due to my insecurities, I don't believe I can do that. So, every time I write, I feel like I've lost my touch, or that what I'm writing isn't meaningful enough. Tbh, I don't think it's that serious, because at the end of the day, I should enjoy what I write, even if it's not some huge hit that inspires people. I just have to fully convince myself of that.

but OMG, I haven't gotten a new anon in a really long time! I don't know what ever happened to my old anons, but I hope they're still out there lolol. You can def be ☄️ anon, and I'm so glad you asked!!!

[ratralsis]

Brief update

I haven't written anything long in a while because I haven't had a ton of time.

My latest writing class ended a few weeks ago. The course report I filled out wound up hurting my tutor's feelings so much that, even after I wrote multiple emails apologizing, she didn't want to continue tutoring me in the next class. I didn't think anything I wrote in the report would surprise her, but I was wrong.

It's what I get for trying to be honest. I wound up saying at the end of my apology email that they should either ask me for my feedback more often than one time at the end of the course, to avoid being surprised like that again, or not ask for it at all. I'll do the work either way.

Writing classes are hard work. I don't view them as supposed to be fun. I can write for fun on my own time. And I do. You have no idea how much I cracked myself up writing last month that showing a non-gamer a photo of Squall from FF8 would literally kill them, and that the UN is actually an organization devoted to wiping FF8 from the Earth. That's fucking hilarious to me, man. Love that shit. Didn't get a single note. Most of what I write doesn't. Doesn't bother me. It did bother me when that Doctor Worm story didn't get any notes. I've said that before, but it does still bug me a little. That was a good fucking story, and I don't care who says it isn't.

My cat, Tina, nearly died of some kind of nasal blockage or respiratory infection. For $65, she got a quick exam from a vet and some amoxicillin, and now, nine days after starting that (and with a couple of days left of the stuff to go), she seems much better. But she hasn't jumped or run to play with the cat toy in over a month. I think that her new normal will never be as good as it was even three months ago. That's life. The vet she's "doing great for her age." Her age is 89 in cat years. "Alive" is great. "Typical for her age" would be dead. It's like if you went to the gym and saw an 89-year-old woman walking on a treadmill going 3 miles per hour. "Wow," you'd say. "A twenty-minute mile? That's great for her age." But that's because most people who were born 89 years ago can't walk at all, because they're fucking dead. So are most cats who were born 18 years and three months ago, so, yes, Tina is doing great for her age.

I discovered a small leak in the roof of my garage this afternoon. I called my home insurance company and will hopefully have someone able to give me an estimate on what it will take to fix it soon so that I can determine if I need to make a claim or not. There have been multiple bad storms where I live recently, just like there have been literally everywhere on the continental US recently. Where I live has been pretty mild, comparatively.

I'm hoping it won't cost more than a couple thousand dollars to fix. I can afford that much, though it will hurt, a lot. I've been saving like crazy all year, and that will undo much of that saving, but it won't even put me as low as I was last year when I was literally begging for money on the internet.

It's been over two months since I said on my Animal Crossing blog that I would post my photos from Leap Day and the few days before it. I haven't done that yet, and that really does upset me. I try hard to be a man of my word.

I'm not talented. I'm not charismatic. I have very few innate abilities. There's only one thing I know how to do, and that's put in the work. I updated that Animal Crossing blog every day for nearly a decade, so believe when I say that 1) I know a fucking thing or two about a work ethic, and 2) I'm sorry I haven't posted those photos yet. It's been difficult to do much writing lately that isn't for my novel.

I had to throw away everything I'd been working on on the latest draft about three months into my last class. I'm still working on catching up. I have sixty days before the next class starts. I have ten chapters left to write before I can call this draft done. Can I do it? Of course I can. Who the fuck do you think I am?

But it means I don't have a ton of time to write for fun, or watch TV for fun, or play video games for fun, or anything for fun. Every night, after dinner, it's an hour of writing, at least.

It's not supposed to be fun. Even chess grandmasters, the ones who love the game so much that they become the best in the world, don't get that good by playing casually. They work at it. The only way to get to that kind of level is to work at it.

There's no such thing as good enough. There's better than the last thing, which is always possible, and there's perfection, which never is. That's all there is.

I'll be better later. Probably. I don't like to complain, so I try very hard to do it very rarely, but sometimes I go so long without saying anything at all that I think even complaining might be better than nothing.

Let me know if I'm wrong.

Let me know if I'm right.

Let me know anything at all. I don't like screaming into the void like this, but I sure have been doing it for over twenty years, haven't I.

[angeleyesmalek]

Late Night Blackout

Pairing: Elliot Alderson x Reader

Summary: When the lights go out, you don’t want to be home alone in a bad neighborhood. 

Warnings: So. Many. Run. On. Sentences. Also, just really bad syntax & diction. This is just a hot mess. Probably cursing too. Please forgive me for this atrocity. 

Word Count: 2,235

One nineteen in the morning was quiet, well, as quiet as it got in New York City. You were alone in your apartment, the only sound throughout the tiny space was the slicing of your fan through the humid air and the loud buzzing and grumbling of the shitty air conditioning unit in your home. It must’ve been a hundred degrees outside, and it was at least eighty in your tiny little shoebox.

Kicking off your covers didn’t help much, so you laid in bed. The ceiling wasn’t interesting, but you found yourself staring at the off-white wall, zoning out and projecting the movie in your mind on the blank space. You made up stories in your head, imagining what life would be like if all your dreams came true, playing out conversations that would never happen.

A sudden jerk of silence yanked you from your meditation. You shot up in bed, noticing that your surroundings were so dark you couldn’t see much. Usually, the city lights would illuminate the space enough to outline everything, but this was darker than that. Plus, all the lights in your apartment were out. The clock on the stove, your computer’s lights, the night light in the bathroom that helped you when you got up in the night. They were all off. It was a blackout.

You flopped back onto your mattress with a huff, dreading the heat that would undoubtedly begin creeping into your home. It took a few hours for the temperature to rise to unbearable heights. You felt the beads of sweat dripping down your body everywhere. You couldn’t take it anymore.

After lugging your body up, you clambered over to your window, ripping your curtains apart to open it. The slight breeze, although stale from blowing through the city, was at least slightly cooling. A sigh escaped your nose before you retreated to your bed.

This was as good as it was going to get, and you knew it.

Living in a bad neighborhood put you on edge. Living alone in a bad neighborhood, well, looking over your shoulder was second nature by now. That’s why you didn’t close your eyes at first. Your window lead to the fire escape, so if someone wanted to, they could technically climb in. You’d taken all the appropriate precautions against it, but you rarely opened your window when the power was on. Now, the power was off.

Blackouts were a free for all for robberies, burglaries, and breaking and enterings. You’d seen the aftermath many times, and you’d heard so many stories. You didn’t want to be one of those stories. So, you kept an eye on your window and your ears peeled.

At two fifty-six, you wished you hadn’t opened your window. A loud crash echoed through the streets, and your blood ran cold. When you sprung out of bed to lock your window, you caught a glimpse of a gang of robbers entering the bodega across the street while you drew your curtains. Chances are, the grate wouldn’t lock without electricity, so the robbers had probably picked manual the lock easily.

Four masked figures got to work. The one who broke the glass on the door opened the door and entered the store followed by another. Two stayed outside. One held a baseball bat and continued working on the windows. The other stood watch.

You watched the scene from between your curtains for less than ten seconds before you retreated from the window, grabbing your phone to text the only other person who might be awake this late. You hoped he hadn’t fallen asleep already. When you found Elliot in your messages, you began to type, “Hey. Can I come down & stay the night? I know it’s late, but I don’t really want to be alone in this blackout.”

You stared at the message for a minute before you returned to your home screen and locked your phone. Just when you let it fall to your side, the device vibrated.

Elliot’s name lit up the screen with his response. “Sure.”

A little bit of fear evaporated from inside you. You mentally thanked the kind man who you lived above while you grabbed a blanket. Before you headed out, you also grabbed a cd sitting on your desk. It was by an artist he’d mentioned the last time you talked. When you saw it at the store, you bought it without thinking. Only after did you regret it. You wondered if he already had the album, or if it was an album he didn’t like. You almost returned it, but you never got the opportunity. Now, you were going to see him, so you figured you’d at least offer it to him.

Then, you approached your door, checking if the coast was clear through your peephole. You didn’t expect to see a candlelit Elliot approaching your door. After you quickly unlocked the deadbolt, you slid the door open just as he was lifting his fist to knock.

Elliot looked warm in the orangey candlelight. He looked like he came out of a dream, his eyes sparkling more than usual with the reflection of the flickering flame.

“I was just about to head down,” you mumbled.

“Wanted to come get you,” Elliot explained, “Figured you were kind of…” His words trailed off. He knew you were scared, but he also knew you were reluctant to admit it. Elliot didn’t know why you were ashamed, but he didn’t want to push it. The last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable. You were already frightened, and he knew you’d get defensive if he said anything that would make you run off.

Your gaze fixed on the floor. You were well aware that he knew. However, in a monotonous tone, you muttered, “Thanks.”

“We can stay here if you want,” Elliot offered. He thought it might make you feel better if you were in your own safe space, as opposed to his.

“Nah,” you disagreed, “I don’t want to drag you out of your place just because I want company.” In reality, you knew being in your place would set you on edge. At Elliot’s, you’d feel completely surrounded by him, protected in a bubble of Elliot. You wanted to feel protected, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

Elliot didn’t press you further. Instead, he nodded at you. You locked your door and began the stroll down the stairs. He was wearing his usual black hoodie and a pair of black sweat pants. It made you wonder if he was burning up with the heat. After all, you were in shorts and a baggy top, and you were still sweating.

The thought was quickly forgotten when you both approached Elliot’s door. When he pushed it open, you snuck inside behind him only to notice Flipper slowly dragging her tired little body over to you so she could sniff you and give you a few sleepy licks. You scratched her ear before you encouraged her to go back to sleep. Elliot’s voice caught your attention.

“Why do you have a blanket?”

He noticed the fabric tucked under your arm while you had been stroking Flipper. You explained, “Wasn’t sure if you’d want me to sleep on the floor, so I came prepared.”

Something flashed in his eyes, hurt perhaps. Elliot’s expression was almost guilty. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

The only light inside radiated from the candle Elliot held in his hand and his laptop screen that was resting on his bed. Even his computer setup was dark. You’d never seen it like that.

“Do you have any more candles,” you inquired, “It’s kind of hard to see.”

Elliot nodded in understanding before he pointed to a cupboard under his kitchen’s counter. “Yeah. I didn’t light them because it was so hot. They’re in the far cabinet.”

You quietly padded over to the counter where you set your blanket and cd before kneeling and grabbing a candle and a lighter. Once it was lit, you rose back to your feet before speaking again, “Thanks again… I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake. I thought you might just go to sleep early if you couldn’t work on your desktop.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Elliot revealed to you.

You confessed, “Me either.”

Your breath caught in your throat when you turned to face him again. He was shrugging off his hoodie, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. You’d never admit you had a thing for him, but it was hard to deny it at the moment. All you wanted to do was stare at him and drink in every inch of exposed skin. However, you turned your focus to the candle in your hand. The flame flickered, but you brain was replaying the image of Elliot in your head.

In your peripheral vision, you noticed him shuffle back over to his mattress. Elliot made himself comfortable after lying down, and he grabbed his laptop to continue typing at the keyboard.

A moment past where you stood awkwardly in your place, but you got ahold of yourself and strolled beside Elliot’s bed. You sat down on the floor with your legs crossed like you were in kindergarten. It only took a few seconds for Flipper to stand from her spot and lazily drape herself in your lap. She quickly returned to her slumber, and you took comfort in her steady breathing while you soothingly stroked her little head.

You didn’t notice Elliot stealing glances at you in the soft candlelight. However, he couldn’t help himself. He was grateful you’d texted him. He liked spending time with you. You didn’t force him to talk in times like these. You didn’t mind the silence. He liked that.

Your leg began to fall asleep about fifteen minutes later, so you scooped up Flipper as gently as you could before you stood. “Where should I set up shop,” you asked Elliot.

“Doesn’t matter,” he shrugged, “The couch is brutal, though.”

“Well, it’s probably better than the floor, and I don’t want to intrude by staying in your bed.”

“I don’t mind.” Elliot’s voice was soft, but you met his eyes to see that he was serious.

Still, you asked, “You don’t?”

Elliot shook his head, but you still weren’t convinced.

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you have to. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries.”

“You’re not,” he assured you, “I promise… I don’t mind.”

Your voice was timid when you repliedd, gazing at the floor with a nod, “Okay. Thank you.”

It was quiet for a second before Elliot resumed his typing on his laptop. Taking that as a sign to continue preparing for bed, you placed Flipper on the empty side of Elliot’s bed as gently as your body would allow. She didn’t appear to be bothered, so you shuffled back over to retrieve your blanket. You also picked up the CD before you stalked over to the mattress and blew out the candles. Once it was dark again, you set your blanket down and held the CD out towards Elliot.

“By the way, I got this for you.” you announced, “I don’t know if you already have it, but I know you mentioned the album last time we talked. I can always take it back if you don’t want it, though. I don’t mind.”

Elliot stared at the plastic case, but after a moment, he accepted it and looked it over.

“I don’t have this one,” he mumbled, flipping it to the back, “Thank you.”

You only replied with a quiet, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Elliot echoed.

Then, you climbed into bed, trying your best to shift your weight in ways that wouldn’t disturb Elliot and Flipper. Once you were comfortable, and as close to the edge as physically possible, you felt your body beginning to drift off.

Just before you embraced sleep, you slurred, “Elliot?”

He hummed to indicate that you had his attention.

“You won’t let anything happen tonight, right?”

“Promise.”

“Thank you. Goodnight.”

You were surprised when he tells you, “Sweet dreams.”

It made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but not in a bad way like the heat. It prompted you to advise him, “Get some rest soon, okay?”

“I will.”  

You knew Elliot was lying, but you couldn’t resist suggesting it. You cared about him, and you wanted to do whatever you could to help him. To your surprise, you felt a dip in the mattress from Elliot’s side after he powered down his laptop.

Barely cracking your eyes open, you glanced over your shoulder to find him lying on his back in the dark. Your eyes fell closed again and you returned to your previous position. It took you even more off guard when Elliot wrapped his arm around you, gently pulling your form away from the edge before his touch retreated.

“You looked like you were gonna roll onto the floor,” he explained, “Goodnight.” He punctuated his statement with a tender kiss to your cheek. It probably would have been longer than a peck if it wasn’t so hot, but you weren’t complaining.

“Goodnight” you beamed back at him in the dark. You would be giddy if you weren’t so exhausted, and gradually, sleep embraced the both of you.

Tagging: ask to be tagged here

[spacecatchako]

i don't want to be alone anymore (sfw)

you and daichi have been best friends since your first year of high school. now that you're in love (and adults) where will you go from here?

pairing: sawamura daichi x reader

wc: 3,373 words

contains: seemingly unrequited love, confessions, covers the nationals arc, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort towards the end, fluff, reader literally has a breakdown and daichi comforts them, reassurance, cuddles, petnames (baby, princess, doll)

a/n: no, i didn't have any idea how to tag this. this fic is a little all over the place and there are several timeskips. the reader is implied to have issues w family and friends so keep that in mind lol. also i marked diff sections of the fic with ✨ this emoji so if u want to skip over certain parts and go straight to the hurt/comfort feel free babey

you were used to being lonely. sure, you worked hard and you had dreams, but there was some part you that remained unfulfilled. it was like a void that gradually dragged you down. you'd managed to supress it for most of your life up until high school, until all of a sudden something changed.

you met sawamura daichi. he was cute, a first year player on the volleyball team. daichi was kind to you. the two of you became fast friends after meeting on the first day at karasuno. during your breaks in between classes the pair of you would talk about anything and everything- volleyball strategies, your latest sketches, even other classmates that were giving you a hard time. you could be silly with daichi. there was no pressure with him, no need to pretend to be perfect.

but there was something scary about this too. by your second year of school you'd been friends with daichi for about a year. it was then that the realization hit- you had never felt this safe, this accepted, or... this loved by another person. when you'd get anxious because of classes or have issues with your family daichi became a shoulder for you to lean on. he'd go out of his way to send you check up texts and leave you little handwritten notes. the first one that you received was a little post-it note that said "you'll do great on your test today! i believe in you- daichi." he'd blushed like crazy when you confronted him about it. it was new to see your usually sturdy and level-headed best friend blush over a silly note that he'd left. there was something different between the two of you after that first note. instead of walking you home like usual he started to keep a hand on the small of your back.

you hadn't been looking. you'd been talking about how awkward your family was when a stray cat slunked into front of the two of you. you almost walked straight into it before the cat bounded away, crossing the empty street and looking back once to meow at daichi and you.

"sorry, is that too much? i just... want to make sure that you don't trip."

you were confused until you realized what had happened. daichi had steadied you by putting his hand on the small of your back. it felt good, for some reason, to trust him to steady you. trust wasn't an easy thing to come by.

you smiled a tad awkwardly before steadying yourself on your own two feet. "not at all daichi. i don't mind."

daichi smiled and the pair of you kept walking. his hand had stayed where it had been. you felt... guilty for being so touch-starved. and for your best friend, of all people?

"how ridiculous" you thought to yourself. when you came home you knew that no one was there. time to start dinner before your family came home. you'd probably retreat to your room and text daichi when that happened.

daichi was so good and so nice, and by your third year of high school the tiny, lingering bit of attraction that you had had for him flourished into a full-blown crush. you felt embarrassed and guilty. never had you let someone get this close to you. never had you ever let anyone write you notes, check in on you, give you genuine-sounding compliments. it was the little things like "are you okay y/n? you seemed a little quiet this morning. are you getting enough sleep?"

graduation came and went. the notion of parting with daichi and your other friends- asahi, suga, and kiyoko- left a pang of grief in your stomach. you were attending a local university and daichi planned to join miyagi's fire department after nationals. you'd still be close to him and he'd still be living at home, but it was weird to think that you'd be seeing one another a lot less.

nationals was when everything boiled over. you'd promised daichi that you'd be in the stands at every game of the competition, cheering him on.

"id love it if you were there, don't get me wrong. but don't feel like you have to jump through hoops for me! it's a bit of a long trip, i don't want you tiring yourself out." he confesses sheepishly. but you really wanted to go- his mom and siblings couldn't because of school and work, but they'd given him their best wishes.

"I'll hitch a ride with saeko and the crew. she and i work at the same restaurant on the weekends. we already talked and she said she'd be more than happy." you chirp. daichi seems a bit less worried about you after this, but then he remembers.

"um. y/n. you know that saeko drives... well, not badly, just... scarily?" he only seems to be partially joking.

you laugh at his worried expression. "I'll be okay pal. we'll make one of saeko's taiko buddies take the wheel."

daichi mock sighs in relief and you laugh together. this was the last moment that daichi had before nationals where he wasn't laden with anticipation over whether karasuno would succeed or not. he felt relaxed, with you. he thought you were cute, and awkward sometimes, and smart, and... good. so good. you didn't always look to him like he was an authority figure and you were small. he didn't feel the pressure to make sure you behaved or kept you in line because you were good at putting up a front and keeping yourself "in order." sometimes daichi wished that you would let him take care of you, let him listen more often. he wished that you would let him love you.

oh.

oh shit.

"daichi? um, daichi?"

daichi blushed and was snapped back to reality. he... loved you? that's what that care for you was all of these years. that's why he wanted to know if you were taking care of yourself, if you weren't burning yourself out with pleasing your family and school and work. sure, he thought you were cute. he picked up on all of your idiosyncrasies, even sometime pointing them out to you. he had had an inkling that *maybe* he had a little crush on you... but the care that he had come to find that he had for you was so great. he had to do something- everyone was leaving for school and the championships would be over and then when would he see you again? there was this great, big fear of losing you due to confessing. but that fear was minuscule compared to you, his studious and independent friend, pushing him away and forgetting.

"sorry. i was just lost in thought."

✨

yes, you, saeko, and the taiko group arrived a *tad* late and missed the tokonami match. yes you felt guilty for missing it. but when karasuno won against inarizaki and you saw daichi and the team celebrate the win, it was all worth it. you cheered as loud as you can, and once the players cleared from the court, you scrambled to greet daichi.

you see him in the lobby and almost leap into his arms. he laughs. "aaa, hey y/n." he croaks.

you giggle. "hey daichi. congratulations. you were amazing out there."

he's smiling through the sweat and fatigue. you notice, out of the corner of your eye, asahi and suga slowly backing away to leave the two of you alone. suga clicks his tongue, making daichi whip his head around, and he gives the captain a thumbs up." daichi sighs and sets you down, and the two of you are left in the stadium lobby. volleyball players and spectators mingle around, getting food and shopping for merchandise. daichi runs a hand through his hair and turns to you.

"do you want to go outside? there's something that i have to tell you."

anxiety shoots through you. if it's daichi, it can't be bad. of course not. that's one of your best friends. right?

the two of you make your way to the front doors of the stadium and get some fresh air. the sky is blue and the wind is refreshing against your skin. daichi, still sweaty and tired from his game, seems to enjoy it too.

you giggle as he stretches. daichi sits on a nearby bench and gestures for you to do so too. you notice a little shake in his hands as he does so. he's fiddling with the zipper of his karasuno jacket in that cute way that you know he does.

there's a sense of unease, and it's up to you to break the silence. you're alone with sawamura daichi, your best friend and longtime crush.

"daichi? what's wrong?" you ask, concerned.

daichi looks to you, a flush on his cheeks and a light in his eyes. he looks so cute, even when he's tongue-tied and tired from a game.

he takes a deep breath, and the words come out.

"i like you a lot, y/n"

you blink, confused. then it hits you. your crush, sawamura daichi, likes you. like, the boy that you think about way too much, the boy that you feel safe with, the absolute gentleman who cares about you and respects you instead of walking all over you, likes you.

you realize that you haven't said anything before you stutter.

"i-i like you too, daichi. so much."

he's blushing. your face is growing hot despite the winter air. the two of you, literal adults, are reduced to awkward messes because of this confession.

"o-oh. that's... good. i think that that's good." daichi awkwardly says. he laughs a little, then it turns into a full-blown bellow. you can't help but laugh too at how ludicrous the situation is. two friends who have known each other for years, caring about each other, eventually falling for each other. who knew?

"also suga made a bet and told me to confess to you if we won against inarizaki. he told me after the tokonami match. i agreed." daichi huffs after the laughter subsides.

"of course he did. im glad that he did it though." you joke.

"yeah. because then i wouldn't have you." he smiles, getting up. he extends a hand to you, helping you from the bench

"let's go back to the group. i don't want to miss lunch."

✨

it's been months after nationals. you and daichi are in a relationship, happy to be with one another. he's taken you on so many wonderful dates and his family seems to love getting to know you more. but there's still something that's missing. you've always struggled to open up to people completely. even daichi doesn't know what you're like when you completely break.

that changes one day when you have to travel from your dorm, to your parents house, then to daichi's for a date. it was supposed to be casual- just you and him in your pajamas, watching movies and eating takeout. but after being berated by your family for your career choice it triggered something in you. you felt like a little kid again, being told that you're not enough, being slowly manipulated by your family into burning yourself out. dachi helped the loneliness subside, but you knew that, inside, you were still the same little kid. that thought made something inside you recoil, but you pushed it down and made your way to daichi's.

you settle into his bed, your partner beside you. you take a good look at him- your man, sturdy and stronger from work at the fire department. suddenly, you can't help but break for some reason. tears flood your eyes and they won't stop for some reason.

"baby? baby what's wrong?"

you didn't deserve him. why were you even friends with him? someone this nice, this gentle with you, this kind? you wanted him to kick you out for crying. you wanted him to break up with you, because good things don't last.

you were so embarrassed and you'd felt so weak and stupid. you'd never been allowed to cry before, you'd always been told that it was a sign of weakness. good children didn't cry, so now that you were grown up you shouldn't either.

daichi hadn't judged you. he just set the tv remote down and moved in to hug you. other people's touches usually made you flinch and swat them away, but it was never like that with him. not when he supported the small of your back when you fell, not when you jumped into his arms, not when he took your hand after your mutual confession.

the two of you were hugging now, your chin on his shoulder and his head tucked into your side. you could stay like this forever. he was so warm. you could feel the two of your heartbeats almost sinking into one as your sobs quieted down and your breathing slowed to normal. this was the effect that he had on you. it was in this moment that you realized that you loved him- you truly did. the brown-eyed, sturdy, kind, careful, gentle boy that you'd met on the first day of high school had become your friend. then he was your crush. now that you two were adults, he was your first partner. the first person that you had ever fallen truly, deeply in love with.

you felt weak for desiring a love that was this tender. pessimistic you has you thinking that maybe all of the bad things that happened when you were growing up- your family being distant, friends leaving, you feeling alone all of the time- were a sign. a sign that you didn't deserve love. but if you were undeserving, if the pessimistic side of you was right, maybe you could have this moment to keep instead. is that it? if a whirlwind kind of love was too much to ask, you could just keep these moments with daichi close to your heart. if it was possible to take this feeling and keep it in a bottle, you would.

in between sobs, you vent.

"everything sucks, daichi. my family has always been so critical of me. i never get to see any of our friends anymore. im trying to succeed at school but my family won't get off my back. i feel so alone."

daichi pulls away to look at you. his palm is cupping your face and uses his thumb to wipe a tear away. you sniffle. you struggle to meet his beautiful brown eyes, averting your gaze. but you can feel his gaze on you, and when you do finally find the courage to make eye contact, he looks at you with nothing but affection. for some reason you don't feel judged by him. you don't feel... bad for crying in front of him anymore. he's looking at you with nothing but acceptance, nothing but care.

"hey." he starts in a small, gentle voice. "i know how you feel about crying, doll. but it's okay to cry. no matter what your parents say about you, you're a good person. a lovely person, even. you're a good friend too. what they think is stupid." he smiles a little. you love that smile- the way that his eyes crinkle a little and his cheeks dimple. he holds one of your hands in both of his. "i love you. you're good, and smart, and kind, and hardworking. you forget to take care of yourself sometimes, but i think that that's okay. while you're learning how to show yourself more compassion I'll take care of you in the meantime. whatever you need, doll. you're safe with me. no matter what. okay?"

you're crying again. great. you don't stop yourself this time and you throw yourself into his arms. he's there, waiting for you. you let yourself sob into his chest while he gently rubs your back. he holds you in his big, strong arms and hugs you closer. you don't feel suffocated and you don't feel humiliating to be crying. you feel safe. it sucks to cry over what your family thinks of you and it sucks that you don't feel like enough. it sucks that you've felt alone for most of your life. it sucks that you feel guilty for wanting love and it sucks that sometimes, you feel guilty for loving daichi so much. but as he holds you and presses a kiss to the top of your head, nuzzling your hair, all of the pain is tinged with something warm. something safe. something so, so safe. a feeling that you'd never felt before.

it's in that moment that you know- daichi isn't a whirlwind. he isn't a storybook prince that will whisk all of your problems away. no, he's somehow better. he's a pillar of support, a source of comfort, a prince in his own right. no, he won't save you- you still have to take care of yourself. but he'll support you, fill in the gaps, love you unconditionally. maybe a fix-it-all is too much to ask, but you couldn't care less about that now. all that you want his daichi. he takes care of you. he respects you. he loves you, despite your flaws and your feelings of weakness and those moments like now when you just need to be held. he loves you.

when you've stopped crying your voice is croaky and you feel gross. you look up at daichi and he hands you a box of tissues from the nightstand. you're an ugly crier, you know that. but daichi doesn't seem to judge as you dab at your eyes and look to check your reflection in his room mirror. it feels wrong to leave the comfort of his arms, but it also feels like instinct to check your composure. when you're done you turn around to face him, eyes tired.

"do you want to talk about it doll?" you're about to object, in a prefunctory sort of way, but he cuts in. "baby, i don't mind. really. i just want to know that you're okay. i just want to know that you feel safe. you've endured a lot and the way that you feel matters."

you sniffle. "im fine not talking for now daichi. im... tired. just tired. from crying. i just want to sleep." when he shows you nothing but understanding, you stutter out one last request

"ww-will you hold me?"

"of course, princess. ive got you."

you clamber back to bed. daichi and you shift positions so that he's laying down and you're against his chest. he smells like that nice, crisp soap that he always uses. you bury your face in his chest once more, before laying on your side to the sound of his heartbeat.

you sigh. "i love this sound. it lets me know that you're here with me. it let's me know that you're real."

daichi chuckles warmly. you can hear the sound reverberate throughout his chest and it tickles your ear. he's so sweet. it's then that he promises something to you.

"im here, darling. and i am not going anywhere."

your eyes water a little at that. "i love you, daichi. you're my best friend."

he sighs, and it's like you can feel his warm, gentle smile from where you're resting. "i love you too, doll. so much. you are the most precious thing in the world to me."

you know in that moment that you are loved- genuinely, indellibly loved. the roughness and loneliness that you once endured is no more. despite everything, you're learning how to love yourself and to take care of yourself. it feels so, so lonely sometimes and the work seems endless. but whenever you need someone to catch you when you fall, you know that your love, daichi, will be there. forevermore.

his heartbeat relaxes you as you snuggle deeper into his chest. the last words that the two of you utter to one another are ones of love before you both drift off to sleep. you love him- so, so much. and he loves you.

tagging some folks in the longest fic that ive ever written because aaaaaa. if u want to be added to my taglist or taken off plz send me an ask!

@ceo-of-daichi @honeybunny-sawamura @daichis-kitty @goldenshoyo @daichidaichidaichi @kingtamakimurder

[marc-spectorr]

heyyya my sweet wonderful calliee!!!💓💓💓

ugh i missed you and our little book club sooo much, but i had to take this week off to focus on my exam, which i don't know how it went yet but i'm so so happy to have gotten it over with.

i remember i read your reply just before said exam and i was literally about to cry, seeing all the love and support from you and the rest of the book club, it was just amazing and really helped me to go through all that stress and pressure🥺♡

but enough about me, how are you my dear? i really hope you're having a fantastic sunday and everything is alright :)💕 how is work going? i hope that is going great too.

strange little question but do you have any pets? cause this week after the exam i came back home to my family and my dog was here waiting for me, ugh i missed her sooo much!!! she brings me so much joy and i think everyone should experience having a pet once in their lives (cat, dog, rabbit, parrot, hamster, duck, whatever you like most) cause they are such good company and so so cuuute and lovely🥺🤎

okay i don't have much to say, so i'll wrap this up, ilysm and can't wait to talk to you again💞💞

oh btw i have soooo much catching up to do, i've been away a week and you posted sooo much akshdhakskdhshs. really curious to see what our book club has been up to, can't wait to read it all (random asks where i comment old posts are to be expected lol). it makes me extremely happy to see our little book club so active, everyone chatting and engaging, absolutely looove it💓

also i am so excited to read cuffed pt.3 (i'm a little ashamed i haven't read it already but i had no time ajdghaakdl), i can already tell it's gonna destroy me😫 once i've finished it you bet i'll let you know how badly i'll be shaking lmaoo

okay that's it for real, love you💕

-🧸

teddy angel helloooo !!! it’s so lovely hearing from you, welcome back love :)

we missed you so much here but it’s okay, your studies should always come first! i really hope that the exam went smoothly, i’m manifesting the most amazing grades for you sweetie 🤍✨

to answer your question, i’m doing quite well! i’m excited for the week ahead since i have a few fun things planned irl hehe. but work is also good for the most part, even with the people that have been driving me crazy there lately LOL. and yes! i have dogs and cats who are my entire world. i wish i could share a picture of them here bc they’re just too adorable ahjdksksk. they’ve helped me go through a lot these last few years and i can’t imagine living life without my babies 🥺😭

oOo i feel like a lot has happened since we last spoke haha. we have a new nonnie joining our little club named santi! hmm what else… oh, def expect lots of posts over me crying over oscar (what else is new lol). aside from part 3 of cuffed, there hasn’t been a new fic excluding a couple of headcanons and a super short dom!mr. knight drabble 🤭 but of course take your time darling, there’s totally no rush for you to read!

but ilysm my dearest teddy! we’re all so very proud of you and are happy that you’re back 💖

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 11

A/n: hopefully this is gonna be posted… It was very stormy and the power is off for hours because of it. I tried to create a moodboard and i am trying to post it but even my own data is not working very well, the storm was that bad and probably damaged something… I deserve some comments after trying that hard to post that😂

    Christmas was around the corner, but Scarlett wasn't as excited as she used to be even it was her favourite time of the year. She was planning to celebrate it with her kids but apparently, they had other plans which she found out quite late. Sirius has invited Leo and Remus over for a boys Christmas celebration and Carina would celebrate it with her boyfriend's family this year. Actually both of the kids have offered to stay with her but she didn't want to ruin their plans for her own enjoyment. Then Scarlett thought to spend the day with her parents just like the old days but it turned out they have already booked a holiday, they would be in Switzerland during Christmas week. So this plan has cancelled too for her. Normally she wouldn't mind staying alone but on special days she would like to have a company, especially this year she needed it more. Scarlett thought if she could invite someone over for Christmas but she didn't have many friends and the ones she had already married and would celebrate it with their families or they were living in abroad. Then one possible person came to her mind but she wasn't sure if he had someone special to celebrate the Christmas with. But she wanted to give it a try and wrote a letter to Severus and invited him over for dinner.

    Christmas had a special place in their relationship. They have started dating on December, couple of days prior Scarlett's 18th birthday then she has invited him to her house for Christmas break when she found out he would stay at Hogwarts and with that he could meet with her parents. And the best memory of that Christmas was the present that Severus gave to her. He has got her a white British long hair kitten that she fell in love with immediately. Severus has gotten that idea since Scarlett was such a cat lady and actually she was a cat herself as an animagus, also she has told him about her late cat who passed away a year ago. Scarlett has named the new kitten Pearl and she has become basically their baby and in the summer of the same year they got another kitten together and named him Paul. The warm feeling of the memories made her smile, these happy memories has become her comfort zone lately.

    It was the Christmas evening and the kids were ready to leave while Scarlett was busy decorating a cake. Leo and Carina came to the kitchen to say goodbye to her.

"Mum the cake looks delicious but isn't it way too big just for you to eat?"

"I will have a friend over, i won't be alone."

"Oh you didn't mention that. Now we don't feel as guilty for leaving you alone. Who is coming?"

"Professor Snape."

The kids exchanged looks for a moment. They still haven't said anything to her about the trunk so she had no idea that they know about her past relationship with Severus Snape.

"It will be great for you two to remember good old days, I am sure you have missed them. Have fun!"

Scarlett looked at Carina rather suspiciously after what she just said. She was asking and talking a lot about Severus and her lately. "Thank you... Are you leaving?"

"Yep, take care and don't drink much mum."

"Okay mother." Scarlett rolled her eyes at her daughter. "You two have fun and say merry Christmas to everyone from me." She kissed their cheeks goodbye. "Love you."

"Love you too mum, bye!" Carina and Leo both apparated at the same time, leaving Scarlett by herself.

She did the final touches on the cake and put it in the refrigerator to set. Now she needed to get dressed before he came. Scarlett decided on a velvet bodycon dress which is off shoulder and its emerald green colour was complimenting her copper red hair beautifully. She brushed and styled her wavy hair and finally put her signature red lipstick. Scarlett looked herself in the mirror and enjoyed her view truly for the first time in a while. She hasn't dressed up fully for a long time and she has missed seeing herself like this.

    The knock on the door took her away from her thoughts. She rushed to the door and took a deep breath before opening it. When she opened the door and saw him standing there with a winter bouquet and wine bottle in his hands. It was such a coincidence that he has picked a velvet emerald green jacket to combine with his black trousers and shirt.

"Welcome Severus, come in! It is snowing outside."

"Hello." He smiled and entered the house once he lived in together with her, handed her the bouquet and the wine he brought. “These are for you.”

"Ah thank you, the flowers are so pretty!" She inhaled the flowers’ scent.

"Not as pretty as you..." Severus couldn't take his eyes off of her, Scarlett has aged like a fine wine.

She blushed lightly at his statement and looked away from him. "You can directly go to the dinner table; we better eat them before they get cold. And you know what, i cooked everything by myself, no help from the house elf!"

"Today is the big day then huh? You are showing me your improved cooking skills?"

"Oh yes today is the day!" Scarlett giggled while they were taking their seats.

He looked at the small feast that she prepared for them. It wasn't a classic Christmas feast since both of them were vegetarians but everything was looking more than perfect.

"I must say, i am already impressed Scarlett. Everything looks and smells splendid."

"Everything tastes splendid  too, i guarantee." She winked at him. "Help yourself, bon Appetit!"

    After the dinner they moved to the couch with their drinks in hands. Severus has really enjoyed the foods even he admitted that Scarlett's cooking skills have moved from 1 to 5 point. Scarlett was more than happy to hear that because cooking wasn't her best skill at all.

    Hours have passed and they have talked little bit of that and little bit of this, ate the cake Scarlett has baked and listened to some music from the record player. After 4 glasses of wine, Scarlett had an unnecessary amount of courage and suddenly asked him if he had anyone in his life even though she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the answer. Severus wasn't expecting that question at all but he had the answer.

"No, i don't." Severus finished off the wine in his glass. Starting a new relationship didn’t even cross his mind after their breakup. It was either Scarlett or no one for him.

"How come you are still single? You would make a great husband, i am sure."

Severus sighed and shook his head. "Scarlett, you are the only one who value me, every part of me that i don't even like myself... And i am so stupid that i let you go..." He wasn't planning the say those things but they did flow from his mouth, apparently wine has affected him too. But he didn’t care, if they had to do the talk they would now.

"I didn't want to go, you left me..." Scarlett whispered while playing with the wine glass. He hasn't even given her a proper reason, just left her. "Why did you leave? I deserve an answer Severus... It has been years, won’t you tell me still?”

Severus still didn't want to tell her the reason, he was sure it would make Scarlett very upset but he knew he should eventually. The reason has made sense to him at the time but the moment he broke up with her, Severus has regretted his decision deeply but he couldn't turn back because he has thought she wouldn't want him back anymore after how much he hurt her.

Severus took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, this talk wouldn’t be easy at all for both of them. "I will tell you but please let me finish it before saying anything… You remember that nightmare-like times between us and Sirius… I have visited Sirius when he was at the hospital after his suicide attempt, this was before your dad informed you about it. All he talked about was you and how much he loves you, how much you mean to him. And i thought maybe he loves you more since he tried to kill himself after you cut the ties with him, because of me... Scar i don't know, i just thought that he could give you more things than me and you deserve the best so i decided that you would be happier with him than being with me... Don’t look at me like that…"

Scarlett couldn't believe the things she just heard. She has always thought that he fell in love with someone else or he didn't love her anymore. "Severus, that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard from you... Didn't i show you enough that i was in love with you deeply and i was so happy with you...? I didn't want anyone or anything else but you Severus. I loved you… but apparently you didn’t love me enough…"

“That’s not true…” He couldn't dare to look into her eyes or say anything else, the words stuck into his throat. Now he knew it is a stupid reason but as a young boy it made sense to him. Severus has never thought a beautiful and rich girl like Scarlett would be his friend, let alone be dating someone like him. And there was Sirius, Hogwarts's most handsome boy and Scarlett's lifelong best friend, plus he was in love with her like crazy. Sirius looked like a better fit for Scarlett rather than himself, he never felt confident against Sirius, Severus didn’t have the looks nor the money while Sirius had both. But now looking at Scarlett and Sirius's divorce, it was clear that his thoughts were nonsense because he would never cheat on Scarlett, ever.

"Severus...?"

Scarlett’s trembling voice brought him back to reality from his thoughts. Severus looked into her tearful eyes, she always told more with her eyes and Severus liked that silent communication but now her eyes had an effect of a dagger and stabbed his heart. Then his eyes moved to her red lips and unconsciously he leant into them ever so slightly but he pulled himself back in the next second he noticed what’s he doing, he shouldn't have kissed her even he wanted nothing else. Scarlett was the same; her heart was wanting to kiss him but her brain was saying it's not a good idea at the current situation.

"I better go... Thank you for the dinner." Severus stood up to leave suddenly;  If he stayed any longer, he was scared that he wouldn't control himself and the conversation had a tool on both of them.

Scarlett just nodded, she still couldn’t process the things Severus revealed. "Good night..."

"Good night Scarlett..." And he vanished in the air.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[brycelahelalover]

GOLDEN AGE

Pairing: Bryce × f!MC( Tesse Sterling )

Author's note: Sooo! Hi... My name is Chahnaz and this my first fanfic... actually it's my first post ever so i don't know how it's going to come out . So for anyone out there who will actually read this thing .. THANK YOU!! I hope you like it .

It's been 30 years. 30 years since Bryce and Tesse gave their vows to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives .30 years since Tesse called Bryce her husband for the first time. 30 years since Bryce called Tesse his wife for the first time (and by the way he really loved it.. in fact he loved it so much that he called her only that for the first few months. It's like he forgot her name or something). 30 years in which they had two beautiful children. Alexander (Alex) and Alexis. And no they're not twins. Bryce thought that he was funny by giving the girl that name after Tesse got to name the first born and as much as she wanted to argue with him about giving the child that name for the wrong reasons, she didn't since she actually liked it and because she promised him she would let him name their second baby if they ever had one.

30 years in which they encountered both happiness and loss. Like happiness of celebrating weddings. of Danny to Sienna. Of Elijah to Phoebe. And of Jackie to Mike. Yes.. Jackie got married. Make no fault it wasn't easy for the poor lad to convince her.. in fact it took him months of proposing for her to say yes . Happiness of seeing Keiki go through college, getting her dream job and meeting the love of her life. But they also went through big losses. Like the loss of a patient or a loved one. It wasn't easy but they made it through. Together.

In these 30 years, Bryce and Tesse made it through major big stones in their careers. In fact Bryce now is the head of neurosurgery. And Tesse filled Ethan's place as the head of the diagnostics team after his retirement much to June's frustration. They were known as the power couple at the hospital. Granted, it took both of them a lot of hard work to get where they are but it was worth it.

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. ALL OF IT.

Tesse was sitting at the desk in the diagnostics office going through all the details that were presented to her for their lastest patient when her thoughts wondered to her spouse. She knows that she should focus. Christopher, the patient, still hasn't made it from Seattle. He was a wealthy 78 years old who seeked them as his last resort after his last 11 doctors came up empty handed for a reason to his symptoms. Yes, they started treating rich patients too since the whole ordeal 30 years ago because both rich and poor people have the right to the best treatment, adding to the fact that the hospital gains a good penny from the wealthy ones. But still as much as she tries to focus on the words in front of her, she can't. And she doesn't blame that on her aging brain, that as unfocused as it gets it's still as sharp as it was back in her twenties. But she blames it on her husband's behavior. Bryce has been acting quite weirdly as of late. She speculates that it's because of their marriage's 30th anniversary. But he has prepared surprises for her like that before but never acted like this. He spent a lot of time out which is surprising considering he never goes out without her.. or he prefers not to. Adding to the fact that he has been avoiding her and being really quit most of the time, which obviously isn't like Bryce since he's a talking machine that doesn't stop unless he's sleeping. So what could possibly caused this change in behavior. Well only one way to find out, she's going to talk to him later at home. She'll prepare a nice meal to celebrate their b-day while he's in the hospital since apparently he has a surgery that's bound to end a little bit late. And over dinner She'll attack, well not quite laterally cause she's not crazy but she will rain down on him with questions. Now that she forged a plan she feels a little less unfocused and goes back to work.

After a long day of work, Tesse is on her way out of the hospital when she decides to check out the surgery board to see exactly when Bryce's surgery end... or so she tells herself. And lo and behold, there's no surgery preformed at this hour by him. Well that ads to the list of suspicions. Why did he lie to her??. Tesse goes to check his office to see if he's still in. He's not. After that she goes to see if Danny by any chance saw him. He informs her that Bryce has left a couple of hours ago. So he's probably at home. On her way to her car, she gets her phone out to call him but he didn't answer " of course " said Tesse and not because he's used to not answering his phone in fact he's used to nag at her every time she didn't answer his calls . But because the man went to great lengths to hid whatever he's doing. Now remember how I said she wasn't going to attack him because she's not crazy... FORGOT THAT. She totally will.

After the whole drive thinking what he could possibly be doing she makes it home. And at her first step inside the door, she calls his name "BRYCE" you could totally hear the anger in her voice but she was met with silence, that is intel she hears one of the doors opening. Turning around she sees her son who was visiting after his law school finals to spend some time with his parents." Mom?" said Alex " .. you okay?" she could see the confusion writing on his face because of her near scream.

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'm fine." replied Tesse.

"Then why are screaming dad's name?"

"Well, I don't know where he is. He's not answering his phone and he lied to me about having a late surgery. And Now he's not even home. So.."

"Do you want me to try calling him?"

"Sure. Though, I doubt he's going to answer."

And sure enough, Bryce still didn't answer his phone.

"Okay... So, isn't today supposed to be your marriage anniversary?"

"Yeah" Tesse answered dejectedely. She really didn't expect to spend it this way.

"So why don't we go to a restaurant? Have a nice dinner? Just you and me? "

"I don't know..."

"Please, mom? I miss spending time with you."

Not wanting to lower her son's spirits, she agreed and went to change her clothes. She wore a beautiful little black dress that fit her form perfectly. Sure, she was sad and angry at Bryce for ditching her but she didn't have to look that way. Not when her son went out of his way to lift her spirits. She really did raise a gentleman.

By the time she was done, she found Alex waiting for her at the living room dressed in a dress shirt and pants. He took her hand than kissed her knuckles" Happy anniversary, Mom" than placed her palm at the crook of his own. And they made their way down to his car.

The direction Alex was driving in, was familiar to Tesse but not to any restaurant she knew. Only when he parked in the drive way to the huge mansion had she realized where he took her. It was her parents mansion. She haven't been in this place since her mother's funeral over 5 years ago. She has been thinking lately of renovating it but it was a project that would take a huge amount of time. Time she didn't have. But still that doesn't answer the question as to why would her son bring her here. The place is supposed to be deserted.

"Alex? Why are we here?" She asked.

But Alex didn't answer her question, instead he lead her to the front door, taking out a key when they made it there and opened the door. Where he got that key she will never know, but she didn't have time to wonder about that a lot cause as they made their way inside, the light suddenly turned on and in front of her she saw all of her friends, Alexis, her brother Connor and in the middle, sporting a huge grin in his face, stood the one and only Bryce Lahela.

" Happy anniversary, Tesse " said everyone.

Through her overwhelm and joy, she could see the place has been cleaned and tidied. It was like no time has passed. She looked into Bryce's eyes knowing that was probably all his doing. He smiled, making his way toward her. Taking her hands, he said:

" Happy anniversary, Love. I hope you're not too mad at me "

And in that moment she knew why she could never be mad at Bryce Lahela.

The end

Hi again! It's me.. And you probably knew that. Again, I want to say thank you to the people who took time out of their day to read this. I know there wasn't much to it but I didn't want to make it longer than it was. Plus, it took me more than 3 hours. So there... I hope you enjoyed it and thank you. Again.

[scottsflow]

Do you think it's possible these 2 crazy kids just haven't figured it out yet for themselves? They're each others biggest fans, care for each other deeply etc. but they've (best)friendzoned each other for so long they don't realize what they have is more? Or they figured out from all their therapy sessions that they just aren't attracted/wouldn't work as a couple. Do you think both are on same page re relationship? Or one wanting more than other?Regardless they are happy together & that's great.

Anon asked: I like the term emotionally married, too. I'd love to know what happened post comeback (other than focusing on a common goal) that generated a new level of togetherness & intimacy for them after so many years. I think they are more in sync emotionally & fit better than ever but is that enough to make the jump from platonic to romantic for them, I don't know. I want to believe they are open to that but Scott's denial to podcast friend also sounded genuine to me. Your thoughts?

---------------------

Combined these two asks since the answers are going to be similar but yes, I do think that they are together. The denials are out there but we have like what? Three actual sentences where they say they aren’t together but every single one of those is followed by a huge rambling statement about how much they do love and support each other. 

(Putting the rest under the cut because this got too long omg)

To me, that reads more as them trying to protect their privacy as well as maintaining the focus on their skating careers. All throughout the Olympics they were just trying to deflect the question, they never actually gave a denial. I truly do think they never would have answered the question one way or the other but the intense focus on it during and after the fact shocked them. It was only after they started doing media post Olympics that we saw the denials come out and I think that’s very intentional.  They had to deny it just to keep the media off of their backs and it worked. After the Ellen thing, people chilled out a lot more and stopped asking them and that’s exactly what they wanted. Celebrities lie to the media all the time about their relationships in order to keep their privacy and that feels exactly like what they are doing here. 

I do also think that the therapy probably did a great deal in bringing them together. Scott grew up A LOT post Sochi and he talks about it a great deal in that podcast and about how working with mental prep couches and their counselors really helped in that process. It’s clear that this progress has brought them much closer during the comeback and I’m pretty sure it’s what cleared the way for them to be together. They’ve always talked about how intense their relationship is and you can clearly see that. Who else has spent the majority of their life living side by side and working together from the time they were little kids. They grew up together, went through puberty together, and entered adulthood together all while trying to be the rock for the other person and that leaves its marks. Putting a romantic twist on that relationship would make it even more intense and could end it swiftly if things went south and I think they were both terrified of that for a long time. 

However, I think that the separation they felt during the post Sochi years woke them up a great deal.  Scott has stated that he came back to skating to be close to Tessa and that they missed being together and skating together during that time. While skating has always been the cornerstone in their relationship, I think at the same time they were realizing this, they were also realizing that they wanted to be together romantically as well. 

There’s a point in at the start of every relationship where you have to make that leap into the unknown and see where it takes you and I think they decided to do that either before or early on into their come back. I think they finally realized that they were it for each other and that they could make being together and skating together work. It’s very telling that they talk about their coaches, a pair of skating partners who are also married, as people who they look up to because I think they’re also talking about how they have made their relationship work with their skating and that’s what they wanted to do. 

And from where I’m sitting, it’s worked out fantastically. All of their programs post comeback have just been above and beyond what they did before and of course they went and won both the team and individual events at the Olympics just to really top it off. They just seems so incredibly happy and content these days and it shows in everything they do. Tessa is legit glowing in like every photo I see of her and I think a lot of it is due to the security she feels in their relationship. 

Finally, I think you just have to look at the way they treat each other, Tessa’s social media posts, and the way they have treated all the jokes about them being together during the tour to really see how clear it is that they are together but hiding it to preserve their overall privacy. They act like a married couple. Every day I see a new post about someone who has never seen them watching a gif or seeing a picture and commenting on how in love they look. They stare at each other like they’ve hung the moon and touch each other with a level of intimacy that doesn’t exist in just friends and wasn’t there pre come back. And Tessa has been pretty obtuse lately in her posts. From the famous smile credit, to the post the day before her birthday that was clearly a double date with a married couple with a caption naming Scott as one of her favorite people, to all of the fan edits she gets straight from shipper accounts and reposts on her insta, I mean if I was trying to discredit the idea that I was dating my best friend, I would not post that kind of stuff. 

The same goes for the fake proposal and the twizzels counting. They know what the world thinks and they know how these actions will be taken. But they keep doing them because they are together and it doesn’t matter if the fans think they are together because they are. If they truly wanted to put these rumors to rest, they could. They could have a much stronger denial, they could put distance between them physically ie not holding hands or touching each other every second during a show and on social media through Tessa not posting about him in the way she does and taking a more hardline stance on them just being friends but they don’t. 

They don’t act like they are going to go their separate ways one day and get married to other people instead they act like they’ve finally found their forever in each other. I’m pretty sure we’ll get a confirmation sooner rather than later, possibly after the tour ends and things really settle a bit more but until then, I’m not worried. Everything I see just reenforces that they are together and I think you only have to look at what they are giving us every day to realize it.