#yes i am calling mulder ‘girl’

[carefulfears]

part of your grief

(an oresteia translated by anne carson / blood on the first four knuckles / rosemary (for remembrance))

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 10 thoughts

after yesterday's trees that ate people, i am curious to see where we are going. however, i have heard that this episode and the 2 after it are very good, so i am excited to see where this takes us.

post-episode review: another contender for my (now crowded) best episodes of all time list! but take us back to yesterday...

let's read the description here... oh! this happens in a coastal town in maine? are we going to see BEACH mulder and scully? oh! this is giving me many ideas!

and yes, the description also mentions a girl and a doll i assume to be evil, but hey! maine! salt water taffy! seashells! lobsters! moose! blueberries! a quaint little motel!

ah, can you picture it? oh, do i need to write some sort of vacation fic? has this seed been planted? and will it continue to grow?

let us find out!

this girl (polly) has a creepy doll. she is glaring at her mother (melissa). she must not want to go shopping. don’t make eye contact, old lady who walks by them. that child has an evil spirit. i can tell. 

“i don’t like this store, mommy” <- so does she like other stores? other grocery stores? can she sense something here that displeases her? her mother clarifies that they will only be a minute 

ohhhh, when she says she wants to go home, the doll’s eyes open. don’t care for that. AND THE DOLL TALKS?? 

poor mom sees visions of the butcher stabbing himself in the eye?? and the cart’s wheels go wild!!!

“please, don’t do this to mommy”, melissa begs her child <- so she KNOWS that her daughter and/or the doll are somehow responsible for all this??? GIRL!!! she just needs to eat!! they haven’t invented doordash yet!! how will polly get her food?? does she have to go to a different, polly and doll approved, grocery store?? or must they simply starve??

ohhh OH THIS WOMAN IS CLAWING OUT HER EYES??? WHAT IS WITH THE EYES!? 

EVERYONE IS CLAWING OUT THEIR EYES!!!! AUGH AUGH AUGH WHAT THE FUCK, POLLY????? 

the butcher (dave) tries to call 911- somehow he is able to resist the call to scratch- but the fucking DOLL IS ON THE OTHER LINE???

girl. that doll needs to be thrown in the ocean NOW. you can’t be doing this to my boy dave. 

NOOOO HE REALLY DOES STAB HIMSELF IN THE EYE 💔

bleurgh. bleeeugh. pour one out for dave.

and to think! i was just pondering saltwater taffy and the dynamics of coastal msr!!

ohhh, but this little town is so cute!!!! is scully on vacation???

OHHH SHE’S GETTING GAS FOR HER FANCY CAR IN A MAINE T SHIRT AND SUNGLASSES <3 ohhh…. ohhhhh… vacation scully… i am holding her so gently

(she must have been so excited to get that silly little souvenir shirt if she had it on before she even got there... and i love that for her)

who calls her at this hour? (as if we need to ask!)

“mulder, i thought we had an agreement. we were both going to take the weekend off” (he is fully in his office playing around with his chair) LMAOOOO

this man physically cannot relax. “right, right, right, i know. but i-i-i just received some information about-about a case” <- at least he seems self-conscious about the fact that he is breaking their agreement

AWW, SHE JUST WANTS TO CHILL 

“you didn’t rent a convertible, did you?” “why?” “are you aware of the statistics of decapitation?” <- grown ass man playing on a chair when he says this, btw. please worry about yourself.

(it is so funny how badly he wanted to hear her voice but cannot bring himself to talk about normal human conversation topics, such as the vacation she is about to embark upon)

LMAO SHE INFORMS HIM THAT SHE IS HANGING UP LIKE HE IS A SMALL CHILD!!! AND HE SEEMS SURPRISED WHEN SHE DOES

aww, the poor man is just a loser!

(reading these notes back for editing purposes and i am STILL laughing. god, he's such a nerd.

he's thinking, "hey, i know we promised to not talk about work for 2 whole days, but i missed you. do you want to talk about work? please don't get decapitated, honey. oh man, she hung up on me :("

meanwhile, she's thinking "for the love of god. just let me have a nice vacation. yes, mulder, you want to solve a mystery, but i need a break. no, i won't get my head cut off. okay, i'm saying goodbye now. GOODBYE.")

she rolls off in her convertible. which is a mustang, btw. serve. and melissa and polly nearly run her over. she looks pissed at their erratic driving.

woah! she is at the store where the eyeball gouging just took place. she finds all of the grocery store customers with blood on their faces!!!! but luckily, most seem to have intact eyeballs.

NOOO, DAVE THE BUTCHER MIGHT BE DEAD and his eyeball is very much not intact

damn. so much for a chill vacation.

(author's note: it's so funny to me how scully was not going to let this stop her from chilling. she was going to get right back to the beach after watching a grocery store full of people claw at their own eyeballs. me, i would have been calling the whole trip off and heading home after seeing such a horrible sight. her need to relax after so many years of alien nonsense is unmatched. not even demon doll could come between this queen and her vacation)

cutscene to mulder in his office, where a distinct moaning noise is coming from his TV. oh god. and he’s sitting there with sunflower seeds. LMAO?? he’s just sitting and watching.... this. not even doing anything but snacking. 

NOOOO SHE CALLS AND HEARS IT 💔 “what are you watching, mulder?” OH GOD WHAT IS HE GONNA SAY?

he claims to be watching “the deadliest swarms” <- utterly gagged at that man watching porn while just sitting in his office. stone-faced. and then lying about it. what does this say about his character?

BUT IT REALLY WAS DEADLIEST SWARMS LMAOOOO THE MAN AND WOMAN MOANING HAVE BEES IN THEIR FUCKING EYES I’M CRYINGGGGG

my asexual king. i should have never doubted you.

(author's note: still losing my mind at this as i edit, btw. i was fully convinced that mulder brought porn to his office to watch at work on the weekend, and i was thinking "well, it's not the STRANGEST thing he's done" but no. he's at work on the weekends to watch bugs sting people in the eyeballs. for research purposes. god. what a guy. i wish i could have a glimpse into if scully believed his statement or not. have they talked about this TV program before? is this what he does with his very limited time off?)

“it sounds to me like that’s witchcraft or maybe some sorcery that you’re looking for there”, he comments. “no, i don’t think it’s witchcraft, mulder, or sorcery” (said while the local policemen look on in shock at her saying those words) LMAOOO

“yeah, well, maybe you don’t know what you’re looking for”

“like evidence of conjury or the black arts, or shamanism, divination, wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones or hex signs, or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, santeria, vodoun, macumba, or any high or low magic?” <- LMAO she said i’ve been taking notes on your theories, boy

“scully?” “yes?” “marry me” “i was hoping for something a little more helpful” <- LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO GOD. the way her face doesn’t even change while his looks SO FUCKING SERIOUS. he's in awe of her. hold on. i had to rewatch that like three times. i'm absolutely HOWLING over here.

and to be fair, had she said that string of words to me on the phone as well, i would have reacted in the same way! i cannot fault him there.

while watching the footage of what went down at the grocery store, she notices that melissa is the only one who seems unaffected. the police seem to not believe that means anything until she politely points out that maybe they should talk to melissa about the whole situation, and then she tries to get tf out of there LMAOOO she is not going to let ANYTHING interrupt vacation time!!!!

“people here say she’s a witch” “well, that’s not the first time for that accusation in these parts” <- LMAO GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME

ohhhh, the cop says that melissa was “carrying on” with dave the butcher… who is now dead… well! that is deeply suspicious!!!

a policeman named buddy is trying to call melissa while polly and the doll listen to some old timey music. polly COMMANDS her to hang up. i fear the consequences for what will happen if melissa continues her chat.

nooooo :( buddy the cop tells melissa that dave is dead… but the doll is speaking now, because polly is being ignored!!! melissa says he can’t come here, but buddy insists on coming. 

so, again, it seems melissa knows that the doll is committing the crimes….

scully arrives with the other cop, named jack, to melissa and polly's house. scully is in her killer outfit of: blazer, maine t shirt, and sunglasses. looking like a million bucks. she proceeds to do the cop's job better than he does when she notices the backdoor is wide open. 

feels so strange to see scully in jeans. i make note of this special occasion

ohhh, she’s in the little girl’s room which could be sensitive for her... but she seems fine. 

(author's note: i keep getting jarred by how much they are NOT acknowledging the whole emily plotline... here i was thinking that this child's room would bring scully to tears and she's just looking around, observing as always... the writers truly did not give a damn)

lore reveal: melissa’s husband died in a boating accident… or did he…?

allegedly, polly is autistic, and the daycare lady slapped her across the face after a tantrum!!! what!! you can’t do this!! scully seems shocked to hear of the slapping (but she keeps it very professional, as she always does) and then MORE shocked to hear that the daycare lady was knocked on the ground. by the little girl. but the cop said she never touched her.

yes, i am sure that the ghost doll can do impossible things, even attacking old ladies. the daycare lady got fired for the slapping (well, yes!) and the people call melissa a witch as a result (um... not her fault?)

(why are there so many people named melissa in this show? could we not get a little creative? did the writers only know of 3 or 4 names? crack open a yearbook or one of those baby names books that writers use, damn!)

omg, so the tea is that dave had a WIFE, but was still trying to get with melissa!!! but melissa did not want him like that. a queen who stays in her lane.

scully notices that the windows are all nailed shut. maybe melissa nailed the windows in because she was afraid of something getting out…? like an evil ghost doll?

buddy gives the girl polly some ice cream as he tries to question melissa in this restaurant. buddy offers to give melissa some money so she can get away. is this, like, a kindness thing? oh no, he’s in love with her, seems like. says he missed his first chance around. well. i guess we can never have a man doing the right thing out of sheer selflessness. this is TV, after all.

she says she has seen things… meanwhile polly is DEMANDING more cherries from the ice cream lady. (and polly has strange taste. i like those cherries too, but they're very strong; one or two will do the job)

melissa tells buddy that she saw dave dead before he died! and it wasn’t the first time!!! she saw her husband before he died, too! buddy seems to take this news better than expected.

ohhh, this lady at the ice cream counter says polly has to ask her mom for money to buy more cherries… i assume she does not have much longer to live

the doll opens its eyes IN THE RESTAURANT, and melissa says it’s time to go, knowing what is about to go down. buddy tries to give her a key to a place they used to go hunting, but NOOOOOO, the ice cream lady’s head is stuck in the ice cream machine!!!!!!!

melissa takes polly and the doll and they book it.

this is an injustice to food service professionals everywhere.

the other cop guy- the one named named jack- is visiting jane, the old lady from the very beginning of the episode who briefly made eye contact with polly. and scully is here too!!

okay, so jane immediately launches into saying that melissa is from a line of witches. cool, cool. this must be the lady who ran the daycare. scully looks amused as she slams the door in their faces and remarks on “new england hospitality” lmaooo

(she claims she's heard about it all her life, but never experienced it- is this her first journey to new england? like, recreationally, and not for work? omg! the cali girl is being exposed to the northeast! culture shock! she is learning the ways of mulder and his people!)

ah yes, we see as they leave that the sign on the door of jane’s house shows it’s the daycare. well, FORMER daycare.

scully wants to know if this lineage of witches thing is really all talk. and the policeman jack cannot figure out why he would want to bring melissa in. LMAO despite him being entirely incompetent at his job, scully does NOT WANT TO HELP I’M CRYING. she is PROTECTING HER PEACE!!!

melissa and polly pull up to the cabin buddy gave them the key to. ohhh, she doesn’t have any gear… and it’s winter up here. girl! how will they eat!!

polly wants her BED and her RECORDS, and the doll is AWAKE. so now melissa’s racing home after seeing a dead jane in her rear window!!!

back at her home, the records are going off… jane is here, for some reason, perhaps to investigate the loud noises despite there being no one home... and when she takes off the record off the player…. NOOOO, NOT HER STABBING HERSELF WITH THE BROKEN RECORD!!!!!!!!!!!!

scully is taking a nice bubble bath, trying to relax… with some classical music…. but the phone is ringing!!! she slams the door with her foot LMAO and awww she gets out and wraps her hair in a towel <3 i love relaxed scully <3

wait, hold on, what is this book next to the phone…? allow me to pause. “affirmation for women who do too much” by adrianna carrillo… now hold on, i need to look into this… 

okay, so it doesn’t seem to be a real book, but instead a play on “meditations for women who do too much”, which has a very similar book cover and was published in the 90's. huh. the more you know! i wonder if copyright laws prevented the prop team from having the real thing.

we all know that she is, in fact, a woman who does too much. so i am glad she is affirming herself.

anyway, what was going on? yes, evil doll. there's a message on the phone. she does not play it. SHE DOES TOO MUCH ALREADY!!!!

AND the policeman jack is at her door!!! noooooo, she cannot get a break!!

they find jane dead with the record player…. they're investigating at the crime scene when the cop gets a call and says "it's for you"

LMAOOO, HOW DID MULDER FIND THE POLICEMAN’S NUMBER, I’M CRYING???

(AND he says he called the hotel!! how did he find the hotel room's number?? he is a sleuth)

“hey, morning, sunshine!” he says happily (loud thumping over the phone) BAHAHA WHAT IS GOING ONNN?

he was worried about her!!! LMAOOOOO HE SAYS THEY’RE DOING CONSTRUCTION RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW, BUT HE WAS REALLY JUST BOUNCING HIS BASKETBALL BAHAHAA

awwww, he really WAS worried... he gets separation anxiety. that damn ball of his gets good use when he is nervous!!

omg… we finally get a decent look at his wall art while he is standing there in his underwear…. it’s just houses. sort of abstract, colorful, houses. with heavy lines. hmm. i will make assumptions on his character based on this.

BAHAHA AND MULDER THINKS THERE’S A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR HER CASE oh my gosh he thinks it’s dancing sickness KING, SHE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS!!!

why is the only thing this man has in his fridge a bottle of orange juice? and it is presumably expired, because he makes an awful face when he takes a sip, and then we see that it says “oct 97” on the carton, which i take it is not. so is this set in 98? early 98? since we just passed chrismas?

god. how has he stayed alive this long? is there some sort of cafeteria at the FBI he sustains himself with?

LMAO HE SPITS THE JUICE BACK OUT AND SHE HANGS TF UP BAHAHAAA

she has had enough!! she called this guy jack and said maybe we need to keep our minds open to extreme possibilities (gasp!) LMAOOO “okay, but aren’t you on vacation?” <- SHE NEEDS A RAISE!! MAYBE IF YOU COULD DO YOUR JOB, JACK, SHE COULD TAKE A VACATION FOR REAL!!

now polly and the doll are back at home, and OH, the doll is breathing as the two sleep next to each other. this is not something that i care for. melissa is trying to do something to stop the doll's reign of terror, but it opens its eyes and catches her…. so she cries downstairs. NO! not a dead buddy vision!!!!

LMAOOO meanwhile scully is utterly gagged at the size of this lobster she’s splitting with jack: “that looks like something out of jules verne. we’re supposed to eat that?” <- SHE’S SUCH A NERD I’M CRYINGGGG

she really is experiencing new england culture shock and it is hilarious

she’s trying to learn about melissa’s husband’s death as jack manhandles this lobster. the boat he died on is out the window…

this damn doll keeps replaying the hokey pokey over and over again. count your days, demon!!!

ohhh, buddy is here at melissa's place to take her into the station!!! and he sees the doll open her doll eyes….

scully is trying to figure out wtf went down the night melissa’s husband died, as she now talks to this grizzled old sailor who was there with him on that fateful evening

“i told my story to the chief”, he says; “people’s story’s change”, she answers <- ohhhh yeah, she IS a noir detective, yes ma’am!

omg, melissa's husband/polly's dad found that freaky ass doll in the ocean!!! it was the night before polly's birthday, so he thought it was a gift from the sea!! and he heard the doll talking…. and then the old grizzled fisherman found melissa’s husband with the HOOK THROUGH HIS SKULL BLEUGGHHH?

(this episode was funny but the gore was SHEESH)

ohhh, and he put together that the doll was involved when he saw them in the store that morning

(her phone rings) “oh hey, i thought you weren’t answering your cell phone” he’s TWIRLING the literal phone line while he calls her i’m CRYING this man is down TERRIBLE

OHHH HE IS TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION WHEN SHE ASKS IF THERE ARE ANY REFERENCES IN OCCULT LITERATURE TO EVIL DOLLS LMAOOOO

he starts explaining and then she says that she “was just curious”, probably because his heart would be broken if he knew she found a haunted doll without him. turns out there is quite a history of them in new england!

“i would suggest that you check the back of the doll for a-a plastic ring with a string on it” (she rolls her eyes and hangs up) 

LMAOOOOOO STOP my face hurts from smiling at this episode. why is he like that!

poor melissa is crying, making popcorn at the stove for the screaming polly, while BUDDY IS DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!!! NO MELISSA!!

she hammers the windows and doors shut even more…. but the doll cannot stand the pounding!!! and melissa sees herself dead in the window!!!! nooo!

scully and jack roll up just in time to either save the day or watch it get much, much worse. 

omfg is melissa gonna set the whole house on fire?????? but she can’t get a match to light!!!! the doll keeps blowing it out!!!

from outside the house, scully sees buddy dead on the floor!!!! and the doll won’t let melissa grab a knife!!!! but the demon doll somehow opens up the locked cabinet and gets the hammer!!!!

scully is absolutely SLAMMING herself into that door to open it, but NOOOO the doll says “i don’t like you anymore” and makes melissa take the hammer and JAM IT IN HER OWN FACE?!?!?!?!?!?

scully and jack finally break in!! scully takes the doll away from polly despite her many refusals and PUTS IT IN THE MICROWAVE?? YAAAS THE DEMON CATCHES FIRE!!!!!!!!! scully is very dramatically watching that doll burn….

(this had me absolutely CRYING. she had no time for science that day. she was on vacation. if there is going to be an evil demon doll while she is off the clock, she is going to throw that mfer in the microwave and watch it go up in flames. extreme possibilities are allowed, but ONLY when it is not her duty to save the world.)

((also laughing that the doll was able to put out matches and throw knives and make people gouge out their eyes, but scully putting her in the microwave was so unpredictable this demon had zero defense against it. that, or her catholic powers simply neutralized the evil presence, rendering the doll immobile in her godly hands. i choose to imagine it is a combination of both))

while mulder is sharpening a ton of pencils and putting them in rows back in the office LMAOOOO

scully finally returns to the basement office! she tells mulder she wants to send his famous wall poster to "some guy named jack"!!! he seems unbothered by this, whereas i was shocked! and then she denies doing any work on the case while up there, saying she was just on vacation. ah, if only we could have seen her frolicking on the beach after those incidents.

what did mulder get up to while she was away? “oh god, i mean, it’s amazing what i can accomplish without incessant meddling or questioning into everything i do” (pencils begin to fall on him from the ceiling, as we pan up and see like, 40 pencils launched up there) LMAOOO

“there’s got to be an explanation” “some things are better left unexplained” fair enough

a cutscene back to maine... NOOOO, another fisherman hauls out the haunted doll while the hokey pokey ominously plays in the background 💔

i hope he promptly tossed her back into the watery grave. let her torment some fish instead.

so, final thoughts: scully putting the doll in the microwave… she really is THE final girl, huh?

this episode was soooo silly. i loved it. mulder had no brain cells. scully took a bath and made a friend who she wants to send a poster to. she is gagged by lobster. lmaoooooooo mulder missed her SO bad, he was trying to do science to impress her, bahaha. and she had her little maine shirt on!!! the role reversal of him being the science-centered one because he wants to talk to her that badly, and her being the one willing to deal with demons for a few days also killed me.

def going on the list of faves.

i think it is so funny that she was so focused on relaxing for once in her life that she truly did not give a single fuck if that doll was possessed or not. normally she would be scrambling for explanations, and today she simply did not have the time. she wanted to take a nice bubble bath, listen to orchestral music, read her little book, and if a demon was going to get in the way of that, then she would simply stop it and move along with her roadtrip. and i think that is beautiful.

and to answer my earlier question: YES, i still want a REAL joint msr vacation fic with REAL relaxation and REAL saltwater taffy and splashing and no murder dolls, but maybe like ONE ghost tour because new england is old and spooky, and then mulder can ask if they want to get married for real and they can go hiking or some other nerd activity and be happy forever and always <3 the end!

[cecilysass]

Please write more of these, never stop

I love original fanfic ideas so much, but also: I could read these particular contrived scenarios told again and again and again, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Okay, I'm a little ashamed. But not very much.

Marriage of convenience (like Nuptiae Sub Rosa by @xfmaweezy and @sisterspooky1013 or All That Is Dark and Bright by @malibusunset-xf-blog). Absolute gold in every way and I will read every variation.

Scully pretending to be Mulder's 900 number girl (done recently in Dropped Call by @phillippadgettwrites)

The awkward first descent into phone sex in general, including and especially calls from the fertility clinic. This is done in an especially brilliant way in Vox Mulder: Wired and Fired by @darwin-xf.

All Milagro post-eps that force them to address "Agent Scully is already in love" without being too obvious

Almost all DeadAlive and Three Words post-eps period, because those eps just are fertile ground, no pun intended. I have a whole discussion about that and recs right here.

M&S have sex for non-romantic reasons (like, they're trying out friends with benefits, or they're trying to conceive a baby, or some other ridiculous reason). This obviously is a delightful way to show repressed feelings.

Mulder's psychic fics. I feel like there could be so many more of these. This one (Dissonance by suilven) has a killer set up and I revisit it a lot, but we should have more riffs on this concept.

All right, yes, jealousy fics, I know, very basic of me, but I just really like these. I personally like them when the angst goes really, really far. Like you want to die it hurts so bad far. That one moment in Pilgrims Creeping Towards the Dawn by @softnow where Scully hears Diana say “Fox” in the background on the phone? Inject that into my veins.

Contamination shower fics. Yeah. Enough said.

There are more than this, because actually I get wasted on tropes all the time. What do y'all like? And more importantly, DO YOU HAVE RECS FOR ANY OF THESE?

(The fics I mention here are linked here on my favorite fics doc, if you want to find them. If you haven’t read some of these, DO IT.)

[is-on-its-way]

Dana Katherine Scully is a horse girl

A thesis...

The xf fandom has a general consensus Fox Mulder is a bit crazy. A maniac is how its been described. A lesser discussed idea is that although Fox Mulder is completely unhinged in such a pure BDE, knows the norms of society and doesn't give any shits kind of way, Dana Scully is also not quite completely "typical". She just looks very sane comparatively when next to her partner.

Placed in any other situation or with regular FBI partners, she's kind of a weirdo too. For me, she effervesces horse girl energy. Good, funny, weird, horse girl energy.

What is horse girl energy? You might ask. I found an excellent summation in a lovely article on Mashable.

Big dick energy and horse girl energy are innately opposite vibes -- if big dick energy is chaotic good, horse girl energy is lawful neutral. If you have big dick energy, you're probably kind of weird because you don't give a shit about what people think of you -- you set the social norms. If you have horse girl energy, you're probably kind of weird because you're blissfully unaware of social norms.

I could probably write an essay about Mulder's BDE didn't fully evolve until he met Scully and she believed in him. All others opinions of him fell away and he wasn't so bothered by everyone calling him spooky anymore. But for right now, this is about Scully.

I am obviously not talking about cliche horse girl attributes. That they talk about nothing but horses, they wear their riding pants or boots outside of the barn or anything overtly obvious.

Im talking about pure personality and vibes.

Im talking about the cool girl essence. The eccentricity and the slight obliviousness to social etiquette. The way they can be confident and serious without worrying if they're offending anyone. The way they can be completely standoffish until someone makes their way past that barrier and then they are the kindest warmest people you know. The headstrong way about them. Of the fact they, having dealt with 2000 pound animals since they were basically toddlers, take no shit from anyone, especially men. And yes, perhaps are a little bit crazy too.

So maybe her parents let her muck out stalls in exchange for riding privileges at the local barn in Annapolis or something as a kid but yeah, thats my canon and Im sticking to it.

Anyway Mulder and Scully were made for each other. La di da.

Bonus picture of GA being a literal horse girl with very good form. lol

[skelavender]

mulder and scully’s wedding rings and scully in her wedding dress to celebrate their super platonic, just bros wedding in kind of perfect! read chapter 3 here, or below the cut!

Mulder is more excited then he’s let himself be since Scully proposed. He’s buzzing out of his skin, and hoping that it doesn’t show. He doesn’t want Scully to think he’s nervous.

“Are you nervous?” she asks from her seat in their office. They’re both still in their suits, acting as if it’s a normal workday, and not the fifth Wednesday since they got engaged. As if it’s not their wedding day. 

“Hmm?”

“Are you nervous?” She repeats, “You’re all jittery. It’s not too late to call it off if you don't want to do it.”

“I do,” he says quickly, “I’m just finding it hard to focus. I mean, we’re getting married in less than an hour, Scully, don’t tell me your attention is entirely on that autopsy report.”

She smiles, “It’s not.” She closes the folder and puts it to the side. “Do you want to get going early?”

He rises, “Absolutely.” At the door, he offers her his elbow and she places her hand in the bend, familiar. “You ready for this, Mrs. Spooky?”

She gives a full laugh, “Yes, I am.”

They both grab garment bags from their cars and walk the three blocks to the courthouse. Mulder hadn’t mentioned anything about the tux, but Scully isn’t entirely surprised. He’s treated this with the same weight she is. It’s no small thing. 

They change quickly in the public restrooms and meet back in the lobby. When they tell the clerk they are there for their civil ceremony appointment, she asked about their witness.

“Do we… need one?”

“I mean, technically someone here could do it? But people tend to prefer a friend or family member to sign their marriage licenses.”

Mulder and Scully share a look. 

“Should we…” She starts.

“Probably.”

“I mean, he’s the only other one who is supposed to know.”

“I’ll call him.” He nods.

“It’s really no trouble for someone here–” the girl says, but Mulder cuts her off.

“It’s fine, as long as it’s okay for us to wait ten minutes?”

“Of course.” She says. 

He and Scully step outside as he dials Skinner’s office.

“Skinner,” the man says when Mulder goes through.

“Sir, I need you to meet me and Agent Scully at the courthouse and to not ask questions.”

“Agent Mulder, I can not bail you out of jail.” Skinner replies immediately.

“Is that really your first thought?”

“With you? Yes.”

“Well neither off us have been arrested, we just… need a favor. It’ll only take half an hour.”

“And what’s the nature of this favor?”

“It’s… personal. Just a signature. Nothing big.”

Against his better judgment, Skinner agrees. 

***

Walter Skinner is not an idiot. He knows they're in love. He also knows that both of them are too damn stupid and too damn professional to do anything about it. He hears the whispers, knows that everyone else in violent crimes is so sure that they spend their days in the basement office in a haze of sex. But Skinner knows better. He sees the hesitance in Mulder's touches, as if he's afraid that the contact could be rejected at any moment. He sees how Scully soaks his touch in like she doesn’t know if or when she’ll get the next drop. He sees how they gaze at each other when the other is looking away. Or, sometimes, when they’re looking directly at them. 

So, when he arrives at the courthouse to see Scully in a white dress and Mulder in a tux, he shouldn’t be surprised. 

“What is this, Agents?” He asks, despite knowing exactly what it is.

“We’re getting married.” Scully says, “As a contingency. We need a witness, if you would be willing, sir.”

“A contingency? For what? Is there a threat you haven’t told me about?”

“A lot of things,” Scully says, “It started because of hospital visitations, medical decisions. The more we thought about it, the more sense it made.”

“You realize that if you’re in a relationship, you can’t be partners anymore?”

“We aren’t in a relationship, sir,” Mulder interjects, “It’s just paperwork. Less than changing wills, and next of kin, and power of attorney, and everything else.”

The look on Skinner’s face can only be described as long-suffering resignation. “You know what, sure.”

Scully looks mildly surprised and looks up at Mulder, “I thought that would take more convincing.”

“I don’t have the time or energy to ask all the questions I have, Agent Scully.”

***

Bartlett, as an officiant at the Moultrie Courthouse, has overseen many marriages. He loves his job. He loves seeing the looks people share when they bind themselves to their love. Loves seeing the happiness spread across their faces. 

This couple is no different. 

They walk in side by side, not touching, with their witness following close behind. Bartlett introduces himself by first name, and begins the ceremony when they confirm that they are ready. He says the same words he always does. They forego vows, saying that it would take too long.

He believes them. He’s seen couples take upwards of half an hour each. He saw them a couple months later for a divorce. Long vows do not a happy relationship make. 

But these two aren’t like that. They’re the type he would imagine said everything they needed to in private, not wanting to spend anyone else’s time on it, or to let them see that intimacy. Where they hold hands, the woman’s pointer finger reaches out to play with the hair tie on the man’s wrist. 

By the time they get to the important part, they haven't broken eye contact once. 

Bartlett focuses on the woman, “Do you, Dana Scully, take Fox Mulder to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” She says, with a peaceful smile. She slips the ring onto Fox’s finger. 

Bartlett turns to the man, “And do you, Fox Mulder, take Dana Scully to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” He replies, "All that and more." His voice is rough with withheld emotion. He places the ring on her finger in turn.

Bartlett smiles, and says his favorite line. “By the power vested in me by the city of DC, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

The man takes his now-wife in his arms and lays a kiss on her forehead. In comparison to other ceremonies Bartlett has performed, this is odd, but when he sees the smile on her face and the tears brimming her eyes when she looks up at him and kisses his cheek, any spot of concern is wiped from his mind.

These two really, really love each other. 

***

After signing the final paperwork, the trio heads back to the Hoover building. Mulder and Scully have changed back into their work clothes, the sound of their half enthusiastic, half exasperated back-and-forth just as it usually is. Mulder’s looking into some possible sex demon in Nevada. Scully emphasizes that it’s in Vegas.

Skinner wouldn’t be able to tell it had ever happened, if it weren’t for the glow. 

As they part ways in the lobby, Skinner turns to them. “Have a good day, Agents. And a word of advice? If you don’t want anyone to know, perhaps take the rings off in the building?”

As the elevator closes, the last thing Skinner sees of them is mutual surprise, and Scully quickly working the ring off her finger and opening her jacket to place it in the inside pocket, a spot he’s seen her pat absently the past couple months. He huffs a laugh once the doors close. 

Mulder, slightly delayed, only starts to remove his ring when Skinner leaves his sights. Scully’s hand on his stops him just after it passes his first knuckle. 

“If just one of us wears it for now, it’ll probably be safe. We could stagger it, no one will notice. If… you want to.”

Mulder meets her eyes. She just looks… vulnerable. As if giving him permission to publicly wear his promise to her would be a favor to her, and not one of his deepest desires.

He slips the ring back onto his finger. “I do.”

She smirks, “I’m getting the strangest sense of deja vu. Have you said that to me recently, Mulder?”

“You know, I think I might have.”

With poorly restrained smiles, they make their way back down to the basement. 

***

A week passes, and every day Scully shows up to work with the ring burning a hole in her pocket. Mulder wears his proudly. When it catches the light, she looks at it with jealousy. 

She’s terrified of it. Not being married to Mulder, there’s no part of her that could ever regret or fear that, but of being found out. Wearing rings is an unnecessary risk, one that could lead to an end of their formal partnership, but it’s one that would feel disingenuous not to take. She wants to wear his ring. She just wants to remain partners with him more. 

Her fear comes true about a week into their marriage. She’s in the bathroom when Agent Driscoll approaches her as she’s washing her hands. 

“So Agent Scully,” She says, “Your partner has been the talk of the office recently. He has a wedding ring now.”

Scully’s heart skips a beat. She schools her expression the same way she does when talking to a particularly skeevy suspect. Nothing can bother her. 

“Yes he does, Agent Driscoll.”

“No one in the office seems to know anything. None of us were at the wedding. No one even knew he was seeing somebody.”

“Are you close enough to Agent Mulder to expect to be invited to his wedding?”

“Well, no.” She admits, “But you are. Were you there?”

Inside, Scully is screaming. Outside, she is fixing the swoop of her hair with a damp finger. She decides to tell the vaguest possible truth, “I was.”

“Well?”

She looks at Driscoll now, “Well what?”

“Who did he marry? Do you know her?”

“Yes, quite well.” Scully says. Better than anyone, as a matter of fact.

“Oh, come on, Scully. Spill. Everyone’s wondering.”

“My partner’s private life isn’t mine to discuss.” Scully clears a final nonexistent smudge of makeup from under eye. She sweeps out of the bathroom, managing to avoid any more of Agent Driscoll’s questions, and does her best not to sprint back to the basement office. 

When she makes it back, she leans against the closed door and tilts her head to the ceiling, eyes closed, waiting for her heart to stop thumping in her ears. 

“Scully, you alright?”

She opens her eyes and stares at the dimpled drop ceiling. “I just got cornered by Agent Driscoll in the bathroom.”

“About what?”

“You.” 

His eyebrows shoot up, “Me?”

Scully pushes off the door and moves to lean against the edge of Mulder’s desk. “You and your wife. People have noticed your ring.”

“My… oh. Shit.”

“Mhmm.” Scully agrees.

“Do you think I should stop wearing it?” His voice is small, soft.

“No. It’d be more suspicious to stop wearing it now. I’m just not sure when it’ll be safe for me to start wearing mine.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.” She grabs his hand, runs her thumb along it. “I would if I could. It feels… unbalanced this way.”

“It’s alright, Scully.”

She disagrees.

***

When Mulder gets home that evening, he finds a large envelope with “Do Not Bend” crammed into his mailbox. In his apartment, he inspects the contents, and immediately calls Scully. 

“Hello?” 

“Scully, I need you to get over here.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“I need you to make sure I’m not hallucinating.”

“I’m on my way.” The call clicks to a close. 

She opens his door without knocking a mere 15 minutes later. When she steps in, she does so like she’s approaching a wild animal. 

“Mulder?”

“Scully look at this,” he says from his spot at the table, “tell me this doesn’t say what I think it does.” He holds the paper out to her. 

“Our marriage certificate? Mulder, we planned this in advance, you can’t act as if we did it while drunk in Vegas.”

“No, here.” He points to the line with the officiant’s signature. “Scully, tell me we weren’t married by a man named Bartlett Tiddlywinks.”

“Oh, my god.”

“Yeah.”

Their eyes meet, and they simultaneously burst into uncontrollable laughter. 

***

The following Monday, Mulder jumps up from his desk as soon as Scully opens the door. “I have something for you.” He trips in his haste to round the desk and approach her.

“Good morning to you too, Mulder. I had a wonderful weekend, thank you for asking, quite relaxing.” She stops her ribbing when she sees his closed fist, fingers down, held out  to drop something into her own hand. She places an open palm beneath his, and he drops a gold chain into it. When she picks it up, it’s long. Much longer than her usual necklace, or any others she owns. 

“It’s for your ring.”

Scully’s eyes snap to Mulder’s. Her mouth forms a surprised O.

“I was thinking about it over the weekend, and it makes sense, doesn’t it? You can still wear it, but this way you don’t have to worry about taking it off for autopsies. It’s long enough that it’ll lay under your shirt, no one will notice.”

“Thank you, Mulder.” She says absently. He’s right, it does make absolute sense. She doesn’t know why she didn’t think of it earlier. “That’s… very thoughtful. Thank you.”

“Of course, Scully.” He rests his hand on her arm, and she places her own on top. She reaches into the inside pocket of her jacket and withdraws the ring from its usual home to place it on the chain.

It’s Mulder’s turn to be surprised, “I didn’t realize you had been carrying it around.”

“I kept the old one in me too, in case I… needed to use it. Unexpectedly.” She slips the ring into its new home and holds it out to him. “Help me put it on?” She requests, even though the chain is long enough for her to clasp before slipping it over her head. She wants him to place the ring where it’s going to stay, so sue her. 

He takes the necklace and she turns around. He brushes her hair off her neck uselessly, and Scully does her best not to shiver at his light touch. He lifts the chain around her head and clasps it. When it’s on, the length of the chain places her wedding ring squarely between her breasts, in the perfect spot to hide from prying eyes. She turns back around to look up to Mulder, and leans into him for an embrace. He holds her tight, and presses a kiss into the top of her head. 

The stress and fear of potentially being separated melts away from her in his arms. It’s her favorite form of peace. 

<- previous chapter next chapter ->

[scullysexual]

I debated posting this. I am debating deleting this. This might be what my fictober is this year (actually, I think this is what the kids call kinktober) and I guess I'm starting it three days early? idfk. I'm following this list. Why I'm doing this...well I live in fear of writing smut so why not exposure therapy myself and do a whole entire month of writing smut? maybe. Anyway these fics are written to be vague as fuck as to what season or even universe these fics exist in so whatever floats your boat. For this one, since it deals with virginity loss, I wouldn't personally put it in the series but what do I know? I'm just a guy so you do you and read this however you like. Goodbye.

Also: second person mulder pov. if that's not your thing, don't read it.

Bye bye.

i. Virginity.

Her fingers are in your hair, pulling you impossibly close to her. Your senses are assaulted by the taste, smell, and feel of her. Those three things were nothing new, of course- you’ve found yourself in this situation many times- but each time you you’re shocked by just how good, how perfect, she feels.

What was supposed to be usual Friday Movie Night has turned into a make-out session. Not that that was so unusual, often times they did, only later. Tonight you hadn’t so far as put the movie in the VHS player before her lips are on yours and she’s pulling you down.

You try not to overthink it, this is as far as you got after all before she’d pull back, give you a shy smile, and leave you with an erection that you’d have no choice but to deal with. There was one time, however, when things got a little too carried away. You were 95% sure she orgasmed that night- her body suddenly stiffening and falling though you couldn’t be sure-sure, she had gone red, kissed you quickly, and left just as fast. It didn’t matter, you thought of that moment each time. You never got to that point again.

Tonight, though, she is grinding against your erection just like she had that night, even through the many layers of clothing that separates you, you can feel the heat radiating off her. You think you might get another night like that one, to finally get that confirmation that you have witnessed Scully coming.

She pulls away and your eyes fixate on the way her lips have swelled, hear the little sigh escape as she readjusts herself against you and you think you might just get it, if you don’t change the rhythm of your hips, if you don’t suddenly change anything then maybe she’ll stay in this space she’s in and maybe she’ll come again.

All your hopes and dreams are destroyed when she places two hands on your hips, pushing against them, forcing you to stop. You try not to show your disappointment as you go to move off her. That’s it, she’s leaving, you didn’t even get to watch the movie.

But then she’s staring at you, puzzled for a moment, and you’re unsure of what to do, of what she wants. She tugs the lower part of your body back down towards her and naturally your top half follows. Her mouth finds your ear and she whispers words you never thought you’d hear for years.

“I want it to be you.”

Your dick reacts faster than your brain can process the words, growing even harder as your brain catches up.

“I want you inside me.”

Her hands are running along the waistband of your sweatpants, waiting for your permission. You’ve never taken a girl’s virginity before and the thought makes your brain go fuzzy. What if you hurt her? What if you’re not what she was expecting? Grinding against her was safe, be even mistaken as accidental, but actually being inside her? You don’t even think you’d last long enough to pleasure her.

But she is looking at you with so much vulnerability, her hands slowing down. She taking your silence as a no and it is definitely not a no, you are just scared.

Actually, fucking terrified.

So naturally you say yes.

She is fully naked, laying on your bed.

Scully naked. On your bed.

You feel drunk. You feel clumsy. You feel completely overwhelmed, no idea where to start.

Scully tries to help, and by help you mean rush to the main advent too soon but you still her, pulling her hands from your hips and lacing them together, thumb soothing the tops of her hands. There’s an order to this, a way, you need to make sure she’s ready, you can’t hurt her. But where do you begin.

“Mulder…?” There’s that vulnerability in her eyes again.

Your eyes fall to her mouth. Her mouth! Safe and familiar. You start there, reaching down to press your lips against hers. It’s safe and familiar to Scully, too, and you briefly let her take over, to let her choose when to deepen the kiss, let it become more than just a chaste kiss.

When she starts to move her hips, however, you know it’s time to take back the control. You pull away, brush the hair from her face, and decide the only logical path is downwards.

Her neck, whilst not as familiar as her lips, wasn’t exactly new territory either. You’ve spent less time here but enough to remember where all her pleasure points where. You stay in this spot, procrastinate even, because after this it was all unexplored territory.

You can only stall long enough before she starts getting impatient. The third lift of her hips and you know it’s time to move on.

You don’t let yourself think. You don’t even let yourself come up for air, you travel downwards, pressing kisses to her skin, until you reach her breastbone. Halfway there, you think. You wonder how you should do this. Laying your head against her chest, you open your eyes and see your target in sight. You hold her side and let your thumb caress the soft skin. Above you, Scully let’s out a deep breath and it encourages you to venture upwards. Your hand now gently cupping her breast you swirl your forefinger once around her areola before swiping your thumb across her retracted nipple.

The action has her gasping, her body jerking once at the sensation. You do it again and once more, coaxing the nipple outwards.

Scully continues to gasp above you and, emboldened, you take her nipple between your thumb and forefinger and squeeze, not too hard, but enough to draw a louder sigh from her.

Once it has hardened to your satisfaction, you move onto its twin.

“It might not stay like that,” Scully says before you move on. She leans up on her elbows, looking down at her chest with a grim look. “They don’t usually…”

You look back to the nipple and see that it has already lost it’s peak. You smile reassuringly up at her, not offended by her inverted nipples at the slightest. Before moving on, you press a kiss straight on to it and a moan escapes from Scully.

“Do that again,” sighs Scully, falling back down.

You do it on the other, and more, you tease her nipple to a peak with your thumb then kiss and suck on it with your mouth. A gentle bite earns you a squeak and you can’t help but laugh. You watch as her blush floods her skin, flushing all the way down to her breasts; another curiosity satisfied. You have no idea why her body scared you so much.

You stay at her chest for a while longer, becoming as familiar with her breasts and her nipples as her lips are but then it is time to move on to the part that has your stomach twisting with fear the most.

You take the same approach as last time. You try not to think and kiss your way downwards. When you get to her just below her belly button you pause. God, you can smell her- humid and heady and you let it, for a second, go up to your brain. You lick your lips and wonder if she’d let you…

She nods her consent and you watch the way her chest heaves with anticipation. Your own breaths have deepened as you slip off the bed and gently pull her towards the edge. You’ve never done this before, even beyond Scully, it has been a long-standing curiosity. You just hope to whatever deity that you do not fuck it up.

You’ve barely began but already you could come. You both moan only your moan sends an unintended vibration through her body that has her thrashing on the bed and moaning again. Only the moan is your name and you shut your eyes, thrust your tongue in more to feel the hot rush against his tongue as you firmly repeat to yourself not to come over and over again.

Well, she definitely came that time, no doubt about it. You pull away, secretly savouring the taste of her that is still on your tongue and lips. Scully lays on the bed, that red flush almost covering her entire body, breathing heavily.

“Mulder, I’m sor—”

But your lips are against hers before she can finish and you wonder if she can taste herself, you hope she can.

“Don’t apologise,” you say once you’ve both pulled away. “That was amazing.”

She lets out a shy, little giggle.

“I still want you to…I think I’m ready now.”

“I know.” You’re ready too, you think.

You grab the condom that’s been waiting patiently on the bedside table and slip it on. You smile at Scully, one that she returns, and dip your fingers between her legs, coaxing her open. She is more than ready but this is the part you feared the most, the part that might possibly make or break your relationship. The only saving grace- she has no one to compare you to.

It takes all your strength but you slide in slowly and gently, your body shaking with strain as her walls stretch around you. You keep an eye on her expressions, looking out for any signs of discomfort. That discomfort comes when you’re half way inside her, you see a slight wince and stop immediately.

“Are you okay?” you ask her with strain.

She takes a moment but does eventually nod. “Just…slow…please,” she breaths out.

You readjust your weight, slowly, and begin an even slower descent in. You’ve barely moved before she lets out a sudden cry.

“That’s okay!” she squeaks out, her eyes tightly shut.

There’s sweat and hair in your eye but you stay still.

“Yeah, this is okay,” you say more to yourself than to her. “It’ll feel better once I start moving.” You’re not even sure if that’s true but you start to move anyway, slowly at first, testing the waters. You try not to go beyond those four inches, not wanting to ruin the moment when her winces of pain turn into moans of pleasure.

It seems she is no closer to coming then you feel a pull from your balls. You feel a momentary panic, a need to find out if she’s close to coming or not before you blow.

“Scully,” you say, near her ear. “Are you close? Do you wanna…?”

She shakes her head, fist clenching and unclenching. “It’s okay,” she finally says. “I had my turn before.”

Enough is said before you explode. Pleasure ripples through your body and your dick, never-ending. You fall onto her and only at the last second do you remember to roll away.

Scully sighs when you pull out of her, head rolling into your shoulder.

You both lay there in silence, the only sound is your deep breaths. The realisation of what you’ve done comes over you. You’re not sure what to do now. You need to remove this condom and probably get Scully a cloth or something but you don’t want to leave her in this state. Phoebe didn’t hold you the first time you had sex, or any time thereafter, she just got up and left. You remember how you felt each time: abandoned, used, unloved. You never ever wanted Scully to feel that way with you.

Her eyes are still closed though her breath has calmed considerably. She almost looks to be asleep. Maybe she is.

Gently, you stroke the side of her face. “Scully…?”

She hums her response. So not quite asleep, you think smiling.

“I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

I’m not leaving you, is what you’re really saying.

She hums her response once more.

You don’t waste any time away from her. You dispose of the condom and grab a cloth, wetting it with warm water and heading back to the bed.

She’s curled in a ball, goosebumps covering her flesh. You pry her legs apart and wipe between them. She jumps at the contact.

“Shh…” you soothe, your free hand stroking through her hair. “It’s just me.” She grows still, relaxing and you finish cleaning her, throwing the cloth onto the bedside table to deal with later.

You get her and yourself beneath the covers and curl yourself around her, spooning her as she sleeps. You lace your hands together, press a kiss against the clump of freckles that dot her shoulder, and hope you lived up to her expectations.

[silenthillmutual]

my buddy @doomednarrative tagged me in a fic writer's ask game so ^_^ let's do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on my current account i have 154. being unemployed and hypomanic during lockdown will do that to you.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

895,907. i can't tell if that's a normal distribution for my fic count or not.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at the moment: silent hill, bloodborne, and pathologic. most of what i have up there is for pathologic. i've got other fandoms up there though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

eight, thirty-one - 1899 kudos (danganronpa)

to quote mika, age 35, of beirut, lebanon: "where have all the good (gay) guys gone?" - 1066 kudos (danganronpa)

(they long to be) close to you - 1021 kudos (mob psycho 100)

all jotaro wants for christmas is kakyoin (and he screws that up) - 810 kudos (jojo's bizarre adventure)

anticlimax - 796 kudos (danganronpa)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i've responded to most comments i've gotten, though it's always months late because i tend to read the e-mail first thing in the morning, head to work, and completely forget to respond. responding feels more personal. i know i'd be more likely to comment on someone's fics if i knew they appreciated it, so i try to make the effort, even if i struggle to know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

god this is old as hell but probably life in technicolor/the end of all things. they're life is strange style aus for one punch man and genos dies at the end of one of them, and at the end of the other the city is destroyed. the fics are connected, but i won't say how.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

so tired, so tired, my heart and i (pathologic) is probably the sappiest i've ever written a fic so i'm guessing that one!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally. i got transmisogynist hate for when you finally get inovlved, face to face for writing chihiro as a trans girl, and it made me stop writing for danganronpa altogether. i got a guest user on some burakhovsky nsfw i posted (idr which one) who said "jesus christ, tag your trans shit". and someone who went off on me years ago called vita in motu (pathologic) "borderline mpreg" and they very much meant it derogatorily. so if i seem a lil paranoid about interacting w people there's a reason why lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

i do! i actually write more smut than i post because i am not showing everyone my oc/canon smut. like some friends will be able to see it but i'm not brave enough to show the whole world that. also a lot of au smut recently that has no context and i'm not posting it to ao3 without context.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

i did moreso in the past than currently. we're not gonna talk about the craziest one though<3 love and light

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nah. i've had people write fic very inspired by stuff i've written but not copy-and-paste stolen, to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

people have asked but as far as i know it never happened. always thought it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! w my buddy dj :) also published rps in the past that i shaped up into fics.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

mulder/scully is The Ship Of All Time to me. the blueprint.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh there's a few!!

a rebel without a case rewrite that i started because i wanted to fix what i saw as timing issues in the film.

an akira/mob psycho 100... crossover? au? both? i had some real ideas for that one but it's not going anywhere

a silent hill au for mob psycho 100 that apprently someone was interested in enough to try and make their own while referencing mine. it was an audience participation fic and i'm honestly upset that i lost steam on this one because it was a lot of fun!

a magnus archives statement from artemy burakh. the idea behind that one was that he saw daniil die, and then be replaced by another actor... but artemy's the only one who noticed the different actor.

literally dozens of pathologic fics that i have started like you have no idea just how much i have started for that stupid game.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure! my partner says i do vagueness well, and the unease that comes with that. i think i do decent at introspection in general

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action for sure. i tend to do better with thought than with action, so i can write really long scenes where absolutely nothing hapens. kind of an issue!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it because i only know like...extremely basic german and i feel it'd be a disservice to other languages to just google translate. i will occasionally describe characters using sign, but again... not knowing it, i don't feel comfortable just saying shit, you know?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i wrote something like fanfic as a like, eight year old? for a book series i can no longer remember. but for first published fanfic it was either bones or soul eater. those fics might still be out there, who knows!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i don't really have one! i'm still really proud of o tempora, o mores (pathologic), vita in motu (pathologic), and my mind has changed my body's frame (bloodborne) <- less sure of that one bc not much feedback but y'know!

who shall i tag.... @stvlti, @brodyliciousbooty, @loudmound, @go-go-devil, @shogoakuji and anyone else who writes, consider yourself tagged :P !

[randomfoggytiger]

The Mulder Family In-Depth (Part IX): Tena Mulder's Suicide and Saving Mulder from Himself

Without further ado, here we go~.

Sein und Zeit

While Mulder is investigating a child disappearance that parallels his sister's too closely, his phone rings. He springs up to answer it, vibrating with energy and ready to tackle the next lead. However, he's pulled up short when Tena answers with a soft "Fox? It's me" to his "Mulder" greeting. 

His voice immediately softens (“Mom? Hi.”)

Tena launches into the purpose of her call, telling him: “I’m watching the news. That little girl in California-- you’re out there, aren’t you?” Despite the distance in their relationship, she knows her son and his mad pursuit for answers, correctly deducing Mulder would be compelled to solve this case out of a sense of empathy, absolution, or both.  

He can’t deny it; though he reflexively shrinks from wanting to discuss a case so close to their pressure points. 

“Yes”, he admits: a mix of trepidation, hesitation, and a little shame. “I am.” 

Either as a deflection or as a gentle probe into her welfare, Mulder asks “Are you okay, Mom?” 

Tena demurs: “When are you coming back here?”

Mulder snaps upright, possibly a little shocked she would care to know anything about his routines.  

“Well, I’m not sure, I, y’know, I-I…I dunno.” 

“Call when you get back, Fox.” 

Tena is tense-- knitted brows and troubled eyes-- but doesn’t betray it in her voice as she bids her son goodbye.  

Mulder promises-- “Okay, I will. Um, you take care, Mom--” and hangs up as fast as he can, gritting his jaw slightly. 

It’s obvious that, while he loves his mother, the blind trust he had given her regarding his emotions has not recovered. Since Demons's separation and Amor Fati's mild reconnection, the fracture has not fully healed, or even really started to. Mulder knows that his mom loves him; but even when he was comatose, Tena never dropped her pride enough to verbally tell her son that she loved him (she didn't know he could read minds so her confession was only incidental; and while it was nice to know she loved him, Mulder probably felt more hurt that she wouldn’t say it before she signed him over to the man that cut his brain open.) And after Amor Fati it seems the gap has still not been bridged.

While this is sad, it's a huge step for Mulder. He is not letting himself be taken advantage of or duped anymore: there are firm boundaries in place, including when he schedules his life around his mom. Before he would have dropped everything in the midst of an intense and interesting case and flown immediately to her side; now, he has placed her importance firmly where she has placed his in her life. Mulder may have forgiven Tena in the wake of his enlightening experiences while trapped in his own mind, but he has not forgotten.

Tena hears his sharp disconnect, 

and hangs up the phone, caught up in her own thoughts as well. 

It’s revealed she has been gazing at a photo of her children--

the very same photo CSM had in Redux II-- 

and contemplating something that her son is not aware of (yet.) 

She is also clearly wearing a wedding ring on her left ring finger, 

meaning one of many options (or all of them):

1. She kept Bill Mulder’s ring and wore it anyway post divorce. This would be odd because she didn’t wear it previously. 

2. She put her wedding ring back on to create a comfort zone of nostalgia: Mrs. Mulder again, with her doting son by her side-- an ode to a happier, more familial time. It would bring a little cheer to the present so that she and her son would have an easier time making peace with her approaching death.

3. She, like the Mulder men, likes to wear random wedding rings without being married to anyone (as shown in Travelers-- post here-- where Bill Mulder and Fox Mulder wear bands without documents or timelines to legally bind them to a wife.)

4. She got married again? And her husband is just some guy in the background who must've been literally shoved out of any room Mulder (and the camera) walked into. Maybe there’s a random guy named Joe who spent an afternoon being pushed around by the investigative team and ignored by everyone else.

While Tena stares at her children, she swallows before stretching her neck: steeling herself against unwanted emotion. 

The next time we see Tena, she is looking at her emptied photograph frames while leaving a message on Mulder's answering machine: 

“Fox, it’s your mother. I’d hoped you’d call upon your return, but I haven’t heard from you. I’m sure you’re busy. There are… so many emotions in me I wouldn’t know where to start. So much I’ve left unsaid for reasons I hope one day you’ll understand.” 

As her words play overhead, Tena takes the infamous photo of her children, 

plucks it from its frame, 

and proceeds to burn it. 

As she gazes at the disappearing photo, Tena sighs, tries the straighten-your-back-to-contain-your-emotions trick; but loses some ground to the fight (crunching her shoulders up, lowering her head, and pinching her face a bit more.)

Mulder is informed sometime soon after that his mother is dead.  

Tena Mulder, even in her last moments, was a selfish woman. While Bill Mulder was cowardly and quailed under the iron fist of the Consortium, buddying up with ex-Nazis and sitting on the sidelines while his colleagues hushed up and obliterated the lives of innocent people to keep themselves from being exposed, Tena railed, raged, and finally stewed. If she couldn’t have it the way she wanted-- a happy family life, no abductions, no affairs to taint her moral code-- then she wouldn’t remember any of it. This led her to systematically cut out everyone that served as a reminder of everything she wished to forget: her CSM lover (before her daughter was even abducted, post here), her ex-husband (laying all blame at his feet and none at her own, post here), and her own son (post here.) It’s not simply a matter of burning her children’s photos, although that’s bad enough. In destroying her past, she destroyed her son’s as well; and with it destroyed any tie Mulder had to his earlier happy childhood, something he always remembered fondly and wanted to recapture through his quest to recover his sister. While Tena viewed her actions as taking control of what she was robbed of by burning up all the lies she lived in the process, she threw in the good with the bad; and cast her baggage onto Mulder, leaving him with wounds grown deeper and deeper and robbing him of the last proof of his former life, family, and sister he treasured.  

Mulder and Scully drive up to Tena’s place, navigating their way through the team of investigators. As he numbly walks around the kitchen, Mulder curls in on himself; and when that doesn’t provide enough comfort, he sticks his hand into his mouth like a small, confused child trying to self-soothe. 

His mother held a huge place in Mulder’s life, as evidenced by his raw anguish and vulnerability. All those years, their bond was wound tight through their mutual trauma-- but Mulder spent his childhood wrapping his mother in a metaphorical trauma blanket while punishing himself for her pain and for his sister’s abduction. He never had a chance to be taken care of or given support to process his own trauma; and, per his words, is “still walking into that room” every day of his life. 

Mulder wilts even more as he’s handed Tena’s suicide pills and explained she used them in conjunction with the gas stove.

Tena left no final note. 

Mulder doesn’t see the sense or logic in any of her actions; and wanders around her bedroom, lost, looking for something but not knowing what. Finally, he sits before he falls to pieces, trying to center himself and think more clearly.

As Mulder relates Tena's phone call to Scully, a new theory pops into his head-- the White Whale, the elusive and uncatchable beam of light he can forever chase to keep the ugly realities of his life at bay-- that she had been subdued and killed. 

He rushes into this theory with renewed vigor. When emotions start to bubble to the surface again, almost drowning out his words, he uses his hands to demonstrate to Scully what to look for in his mother’s autopsy--

becoming insistent when Scully begs him not to ask her to perform it. His voice is deceptively upbeat, cheerful, a late-stage effect of teaching himself not to upset his mother (or anyone else) with his emotions in times of crisis. Internally, he’s bleeding; externally, he’s ignoring the wound and pursuing the chase. There’s an addictive quality to his hunt for answers: a simultaneous distraction from his needs and a focus for him to stave off discouraged apathy with life’s continual beat downs. He has yet to develop an effective coping strategy (though he has improved a lot since One Breath) since he is so used to running around, half-bandaged, shouting oaths at the world for justice (or vengeance.) As long as there is something to fight for (as his subconscious demonstrated when Amor Fati dream Scully ordered him to “Get up and fight”), Mulder will keep going. Unfortunately, this goal has driven many a more stable and healthily functioning person straight into single-minded madness.

Tena knew these things about her son and still did what she did. 

The worst thing about Tena’s uncommunicated suicide is that it pushes Mulder further into unhealthy coping mechanisms: he immediately discounts the evidence,

believing it has been planted and that his mother was murdered. Mulder then jumps to conspiracies, insisting Scully prove him right by autopsying his mother.

Tena's final act put her son in a very, very precarious position: either he pursues her murderers to his grave (an expanded clause on his Samantha Recovery Pact), or folds in on himself in blame, crushed forever. Her death is an unexpected, piercing grief that only serves (despite whatever her intentions) to strengthen Mulder's one-sided purpose. Not only that, but with the case he was working on and the guilt of his mother’s death (and tangentially Samantha’s abduction) combined, Mulder would have been eaten alive with his belief that Tena's death was preventable and entirely his fault: he had driven up for his dad the night he died-- why hadn't he at least called his mom back? Especially when she had finally, finally, reached out to reconnect with him? Mulder would have concluded that his mother had died thinking that he didn't love or care about her, the ultimate stake in his heart. Always his fault. Always too late. Always a failure that loses his family and gets them killed.

The last we hear from Tena Mulder is her phone message Mulder replays over and over. His hyper-focus on trying to decode her words, find a secret somewhere between her sentences, is a failure; and before he can further lose himself in this untruth, his partner saves him. If Scully had not been someone Mulder trusted above all else, he likely would have discredited her autopsy and driven himself crazy. It’s Scully who gives him a modicum of peace about his mother’s death: having suffered a painful, deadly illness herself, she understands the muddied logic of the dying; and she uses Mulder’s trust in her to convince him that his mother committed suicide because she simply wanted the pain (all of it) to end. While that may or may not be true, Scully believed it for him, so Mulder believed in her. 

With no one to blame and no other explanation out of this nightmarish reality, Mulder collapses in grief. It's here we see how devastated, helpless, and toothless Mulder is without his pursuit.

Scully saves Mulder from a fate worse than Tena's death, helping him to finally address his injury and start to heal it (and others that it was bleeding over into.) Without her, Mulder would not have been ready to accept Samantha's final gift of peace in Closure.

It’s interesting to reflect on Tena and her husband’s variations on neglect. Bill Mulder created a lot of early damage in his son by erecting immovable barriers between himself and young Mulder. While it was motivated from a deep fear of his inabilities and a cowardice of his past, Bill at least reached out when he could no longer escape from exposure. In his final hours, he tried to give his son closure, even opening himself up emotionally and revealing his pride that his son was a better man than he. In contrast, Tena was close with her son-- doting, loving, and sharing a bond with him that was layered with trauma and affection (see post here.) Her neglect was emotional: Mulder learned that he had to suppress himself emotionally to care for his broken mother. This set him up for too much reliance and dependence in relationships, leaving him to be easily exploited by others (Phoebe, Diana, Krycek, etc.) and a gun-shy attitude towards emotional vulnerability (see post here.) But, most crucially, when Mulder needed honesty from Tena about her past-- and was ready to empathetically listen and forgive-- she expunged him from her life, not reentering it for almost three years (not even for his faked suicide); and still maintained a distance that was all her own doing. Both of Mulder’s parents failed him; but in very different ways. 

So ends Tena Mulder: the person who molded Fox Mulder into the man he is today with all his virtues and faults, tenderness and stubborn insistence, empathetically bleeding heart and faulty coping mechanisms. While she had been an important part to him for almost all of her son’s life, their final years were filled with too many words left unsaid. 

Mentions:  

Tena was mentioned once or twice more-- in Within, Mulder visits Raleigh (where she was buried) "every week" and buys a tombstone by her grave (the evidence on that is small, but was never disproven-- or thoroughly questioned-- canonically); and we are shown her grave when Mulder’s “dead” body is buried in Deadalive. (The only other reference, maybe, to Tena might be in connection to the doll Mulder gifts Scully in Empedocles: it was a family heirloom-- likely belonging to Samanatha at some point-- that was stored at the Vineyard. At least Tena didn't burn it.)

We have reached the end of the Mulder Family saga, concluding with Tena's suicide and the impact of this decision on her son. While their relationship started out strong, her excommunication completely nuked it; and her curated, preservative selfishness prevented any further reconnection that she could have had in her final years. She was a woman who adored her son, could shout down CSM and live to tell the tale (post here), and had self-preserving instincts so fierce she could cut someone from her life and never look back. A flawed, neglectful, and stunted person; but one who wasn't evil so much as complicated.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy~

[katy-kt-katie]

Thanks for the tag @agent-troi ❤️

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

81

2. What’s your total Ao3 words count?

367,309

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The X-Files

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Rose Petal and A Fish Tank, Couples Retreat, What Happens on Ka'ula, The Toy, Not a Widely Understood Definition

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to always respond. I truly enjoy engaging with readers; I'm also an avid commenter on fics I read.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics don't end angsty. They end with smut, lol. Maybe "Mulder on the witness stand" it ends more ambiguously.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely "The Wedding Party". I had Covid last year and wrote "Rose Petal and a Fish Tank" and "The Wedding Party" at the same time. When I felt angsty I wrote one, when I felt fluffy---the other.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly- rarely. But I see it out there and it makes me sad. My fics are designed to be pleasing and not controversial---but I read lots of controversial fics and I can not accept how mean readers can be!

9. Do you write smut?

Always. I am a pervert. Sorry, but it's true.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, but I've written one RPF. And I think of writing more all the time. David and Gillian are quite a tease, right????

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but I've seen it and called it out! It's wild! I was blown away reading the same fic that I'd already read!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't know? I have a lot of foreign language readers and thank God for Google Translate, I can comment back with them!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I wrote Mastermind with @tofuttim and have written several "tag" fics with my friends- See here....

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

MSR rocked my world. Never have I seen two people who so clearly COULD NOT end up with anyone else. I love them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't do WIP. Not saying that in a judgmental way, I just don't start and stop works. At least not yet.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Apparently (according to readers) I write smut well. And I have an eye for trope nonsense.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I suck at writing! I live and die by Grammarly. I'm a math/science girl who just has ideas and am not really an expert on language at all!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sure. Thanks Google Translate!!!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MSR / X Files. It was a cute idea, horribly written. Tons of help from Crystal and Kisha!

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I like the spicier fics. So (See tags above) "What Happens in Ka'ula" and "The Toy". As far as less read works- "The Stranger Shaman"---I'm really proud of it, and it didn't get much attention because I dropped it in one day. "The Comments of F.M. Luder's Fan Fiction" is very meta. "Fused" is hot. (I know it's weird to say that about my own fics, but I have no problem reading them after a month or so, and feeling like I"m an outsider. I have a horrible memory, always have!)

***ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PLAY, JUMP IN!

[hayffiebird]

Tag Game

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better. I was tagged by @mega-aulover Thanks girl!

Three ships:

Hayffie. Surprised? 😂 I’ve been a diehard fan of Haymitch Abernathy and Effie Trinket (”The Hunger Games”) since december 2012.

I was writing a sci-fi/dystopian novel at the time and was deep-diving through the genre when I happened to see the trailer in a movie theater. And here’s what’s spooky: I face claimed Jennifer Lawrence for my heroine and taped a picture of her in my notebook BEFORE Jen was cast as Katniss. 😱

Before Hayffie there was Huddy - Gregory House and Lisa Cuddy from ”House MD”. I first discovered FFnet because of them, years before I knew there was something called Tumblr.

And before that, way back when I was a teenager, it was Fox Mulder and Dana Scully from “The X Files”. My very first real obsession! Have like 20 TV recorded VHS tapes to prove it.

First ever ship:

It’s a tie between Nellie Oleson and Percival Dalton from “Little House on the Prairie” and C.C. Babcock and Niles the Butler from “The Nanny”. And you know a funny thing about that fandom: It’s pretty much universally agreed upon that Niles’s last name is Brightmore. It’s even more “canon” than the fan name Finn for Finnick and Annie’s son.

I don’t know why my ships are always so straight. First thinking about it I came up with no gay couples I’ve shipped other than Bert and Ernie from “Sesame Street” but then I remembered what a fangirl I was over Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson and Brittany S. Pierce and Santana Lopez from “Glee” and of course Dani Clayton and Jamie from “The Haunting of Bly Manor”!

And as for C.C. a.k.a. Lauren Lane, if she asked me to marry her I would say yes in a heartbeat even if it meant breaking up her and Niles. 😂 She’s a fierce sweetheart and hands down the most beautiful woman on the planet! Sorry Effie.

Last song: “Fever” with Peggy Lee. Rediscovered the song through the magnificent chess TV series “The Queen’s Gambit”.

Last movie: “Super Mario Bros” from 2023. Me and my younger sis was obsessed with the Mario and Donkey Kong games growing up! I always played Luigi by the way.

Currently reading: Just finished “Gwendy’s Button Box” by Stephen King and Richard Chizmar. The audiobook.

Currently watching: Manifest” on Netflix. It’s about time travel. I think. Too early to tell.

Currently consuming: An ice cream Sandwich.

Currently craving: I’m in a fried chicken period at the moment after discovering there’s a KFC ten minutes from my apartment. And that’s after living in Stockholm for over ten years!!

I’ll tag some near and dear Tumblr friends I admire and appreciate and some I admire and appreciate but am too shy to talk to. 😂

@ears-awake-eyes-opened @100years-to-live @freebooter4ever @jroseley @thgfandomsz @caesarflickermans @oakfarmer @mrs-hawthornes-toreadlist @pleasantpandemonium @lemonluvgirl

[crazy56u]

Guess who has two thumbs and was effectively tricked into agreeing to work on his day off tonight?

Also, why the fuck is the title "Closure Encounters", I thought it was a typo at first...

No saga sell, we enter The X-Files and die like men, lets go.

"I'll go take a look", says the man about to be abducted by aliens...

Okay, legitimately, were those children real?

And why were there lawn gnomes?

Okay, given how "Star Light, Star Bright" actually did confirm aliens existed in the world of Quantum Leap, it's going to be interesting if this episode honors that.

"Look, maybe we can deal with the potential alien shit first, the relationship shit later?"

"Ziggy still doesn't know why you're here." Ziggy still doesn't know how to talk, Addison.

Project Sign flopped so Project Blue Book couldn't, checkmate, atheists.

Calling it: the police forced Carrie to take the blame.

And the car radio is being a real piece of shit right now.

"Pretty much remember everyone now." Meanwhile back at the Project, Tom starts to sweat and he doesn't know why.

"Can you take me through what happened?" "There was a car crash, and I wound up here." "Not what I meant."

They crossed into the Twilight Zone.

RULE OF THUMB: You cannot outrun a UFO, hitting the gas will only fuck you over.

My guess is that Melanie fell and hit her head, causing her coma.

"Like it or not, this is a criminal manner." "And I'm the criminal." Everyone's batting 1000 today.

Okay, calling it: the government is trying to cover up the UFO, so they moved the coma girl back into the car.

...or Russell Hunt did the coverup, honestly, either is likely at this stage. Not a good first impression.

"Say what you want, the law is on his side. Now if you excuse me, I have to be his lapdog."

"Okay, nine minutes of leap, one minute of Project, now you can't complain about us taking a break!"

I love the implication that it took Ben roughly eight hours to find a reflective surface.

"Could she really go to jail?" "Look, I don't wanna think about that right now, can I please just have a coffee?"

The atom bomb and yo-yos: Two horrors born out of World War II.

In this family, if you are a male, you either become the Sheriff, or you die. It's the 1940s, those are the rules.

So, is this a car chase scene, or...

Oh, how I so wish he just decided to floor it and play chicken- Okay, shut me the fuck up, then...

MORAL OF THE STORY: The sheriff has more stones than a random fuck with a hat.

"You're the one who called Project Sign." Honestly, did not expect that plot twist.

Addison, no need to state the obvious.

Okay, that's how you know the Sheriff is cool: He tampers with the crime scene to protect his granddaughter.

"I don't see why anyone would go out of their way to brush over their tracks." Yep, it's a coverup.

"Ben, I need to talk to you-" "Addison, if you are about to tell me there's no aliens, and Carrie is guilty, I am going to scream."

"Hey, this girl's in a coma, what do we do about it?" "Eh, just hang a cross over her head, it's the 1940s, that's good enough medical care."

"But it sounds so crazy..." "Honey, you're talking to a time traveler from 2022, possessing a man from the 1940s, investigating aliens."

My personal rule of thumb rears its head: Green is evil.

Ah, yes, that's smart, get Indiana Jones to help you beat up Agent Mulder in the middle of the street.

And now the Sheriff is packing.

So, basically, because Carrie crashed her car into Hunt's backyard, he has a fucking vendetta.

I will fucking laugh if Ben actually sees a UFO for real before he leaps out, and the Project is made to look like dummies.

"Addison, your ex-fiance is getting reckless, tell him to calm the fuck down." "Magic, I flushed my ring three years ago, I will do no such thing."

Calling it now, Hunt is in the middle of burning his helicopter in the middle of nowhere.

And back to the blue dimension.

"Grief is a strange thing." Well, according to Queen Elizabeth, and a shithead fanfic, grief is also the price we pay. [I will not be explaining the context to that latter bit.]

And the Imaging Chamber conked out, that's how you know it's aliens.

Also, soft confirmation that Janis isn't coming back for Season 2.

"SHIT, I ALWAYS WANTED TO SHOOT A UFO/HELICOPTER!"

And the cameraman snaps and mauls Raymond Lee.

[I don't know which is worse: The fact that Glade Pods had that guy make time stop by making love to his blanket, or the fact his name was Steve.]

And Ben wakes up either in the sheriff's house, or a fancy ass hotel.

Translation: Ben is openly suppressing his emotional problems.

Okay, so, did the cameraman inject Ben and Melanie with evil?

But when was the military ever exotic, Ben?

"You said you didn't believe in UFOs." "Well, I'm an open-minded man, and I hate Hunt more."

Okay, Ian, could you bottom-line what that drug was, I know you said Ben was right, but you just said gibberish to me.

Oh shit, a triangle.

Why does this 1940s neighborhood look like the 1980s?

And the sheriff is about to pull a Thelma and Louise.

"Ben, if the sheriff leaves, Hunt's going to send him to jail." "Yeah, I got that."

Is Ben going to get shot by the sheriff in broad daylight?

"Ben, you can't just walk into a military base, Ben why are you ignoring me?!"

"Look, I got a syringe of adrenaline, I'll be fine!"

Meanwhile, back at the Project, it's pointed out that Ben's plan is stupid.

This is the closest Ian has ever gotten to being in Independence Day.

And Ben chooses then and there to flip the fuck out over his relationship shit, like a sane man.

[Switching to WordPad.]

And Ben gets attacked by the Splinter Cell guy, and wakes up in Area 52, that's how you know this episode is sane.

Meanwhile, in MASH.

"DUMP THE BODY AND FLEE, MEN!"

"BEN, WAKE UP, YOU'RE SHIRTLESS!"

"Okay, we're in luck, my ghost was able to see everything, we have proof now!" "Son, did they fucking drug you with the hard shit this time?!"

And the climax takes place in an empty field.

Why does the Man in Black look like Kevin Costner?

This was the same mine they faked the Roswell Incident in.

Gamma blue 5, coincidentally enough, would later go on to be used in the invention of Monster Energy.

You know it's a good ending if the heroes are about to blackmail a new car out of the government.

"I don't know how best to thank you." "Just keep living your life, I guess, I dunno, the episode's almost over."

"Okay, I just trimmed my bonsai tree, now the migraine's kicking in."

Addison, he was just unconscious, it's not like they stabbed him in the jugular.

"Look, maybe I should just leave the show-" "Yeah, that ain't happening."

Is Tom the Poochie now? They basically just did a Poochie.

And while Magic talks to Phone Guy, Ben still hasn't leapt yet.

"All's well that ends well." There's three minutes left, Ben.

Annnnnnnnnd I am instantly suspicious of the waitress.

[Okay, am I wrong, or did it only get established it was 1949 right then and there?]

"Bye, Hannah." "Wait, no, Red vs. Blue taught me saying goodbye is bad!"

And Ben wakes up on the set of a heist movie.

[Next time on Quantum Leap: Ben discovers the horrors of Hollywood. On a completely unrelated note, the SAG-AFTRA strike is still ongoing.]

Truly, that was a closure encounter.

[autistic-crypt1d]

The X-Files Live Blogging:

Season 7

Ok so I may have not realized I finished Season 6 until episode 7 and had to go back and take all my notes from that and put them here, ANYWAY

Seasons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1998 movie, 6

Updates:

- The Sixth Extinction

- ow ow ow, Skinner visiting him ow ow ow

- oh???

- this lore is getting wild

- Skinner acts like Scully and Mulder's dad no one can tell me otherwise

- I do not like those sounds wtf is that

- PFFFT LET'S GO SCULLY

- oh what the hell

- wtf is this woman on about

- I forgot about the whole Krycek having the ability to kill Skinner at any time thing

- The Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati

- ow 😭

- so he is his father??? We're getting confirmation???

- he's alive?!?!?!

- wtf is happening

- Scully he warned you wtf are you doing

- wow that old man makeup is ROUGH

- what is he doing?? Wtf is this surgery??

- "you were my touchstone, my constant" "and you are mine" AHHHHH

- Hungry

- asshole

- wtf is this dude

- WTF

- this is so sad y'all, he doesn't wanna hurt anyone :(

- Rob no, please buddy don'ttttt

- ah man :(

- owie :(

- ya know, i feel like I've seen this episode before, maybe it came on tv when i was a kid or something

- Millennium

- sir why are you taking off your clothes

- wtf

- huh???

- so is this a thing where the members committed so the couldn't be a part of something but now this dude is resurrecting them to finish it or something?

- ah ok nvm they did it to go with the plan

- uh oh

- HUH?!?!?

- AHHHHHHHHH THEY KISSED THEY KISSED THEY KISSED

- Rush

- interesting

- ahhhh he's got super speed

- oh shit

- oh not dead!

- :(

- The Goldberg Variation

- I keep wanting to call him Murray because of that Stargate episode where Teal'c is going by Murray

- this episode is really cool

- I love this guy

- IS HE DEAD???

- ok not dead thank god

- awww it worked out!!!

- Orison

- not this dude again

- ugh

- GET HIM GIRL, BEAT HIS ASS!!!

- bro just kill him!!!

- OH WHAT THE HELL

- GIRL GET YOUR GUN

- GET HIM SCULLY

- YEAH SCULLY LET'S GO!!!

- FUCK, MULDER GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS

- MULDERRRRRR

- GIRL WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO WITH A GUN IF YOUR HANDS ARE TIED GET FREE!!!

- YES SCULLY

- SHOOT HIM MULDER

- SHOOT HIM

- YES SCULLYYYYY

- finally omfg

- The Amazing Maleeni

- oh dear

- huh???

- Signs and Wonders

- ah yes, stay in the car with the snakes. Don't get out or anything, just shoot them in close quarters

- get your hands off Scully!!

- this guy is a fucking monster

- WHAT THE FUCK

- oh what the hell

- Sein Und Zeit

- oh wtf

- I am very confused

- WHAT?!?!

- I'm really confused. Wasn't she taken by the dudes from that organization to be given to the aliens?

- ow :(

- oh god is this actually what happened to her? This is horrible:(

- Closure

- ow ow ow

- this dude is giving me major creeps

- oh???

- who's Jeffery? Is that Agent Spender's first name? I feel like it was but I can't remember

- ahhh ok yeah it was

- what the fuuuuuck

- OW OW OW

- BRO OWWWWW 😭

- guys stop I'm gonna cry

- GUYS, GUYS HELP THIS IS SO SAD

- GUYS SHE'S DEAD 😭

- GUYS 😭

- X-Cops

- wow hello tone shift!

- WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

- this is so funky I love it

- PFFFT SCULLY DUCKING BEHIND THE DOOR

- aw Ricky :(

- pffft I love those gay dudes

- aww Mulder shielding her :(

- ahhh this thing takes the form of people's nightmare creatures??

- oh what the fuck XD

- "oh god, more of you??" PFFFT

- that look XD

- oh fuck

- uhhhh ok I guess

- First Person Shooter

- oh what the hell

- why is there a fucking dominatrix

- bro is gonna die isn't he

- yup

- different lady this time

- it's a video game, can't they just delete the code?

- eew, way to be professional.

- Mulder stop being gross

- uh oh

- omfg Mulder

- Mulder don't be stupid

- what the fuck

- Mulder you look so damn stupid in those glasses

- "no fair picking on a girl" Scully. Girl. Not very feminist of you.

- LET'S GO SCULLY!!!! SAVE HIS ASS!!!

- Theef

- PFFFT THAT TITLE

- this is so cute and wholesome I'm scared

- uh oh

- aw man :(

- the title is less funny now that it's written on the wall in blood

- he's not allowed to cook in his apartment??

- uh oh

- oh god her body is in his apartment isn't it

- ah hell she's gonna find it and he's gonna kill her isn't he

- yep aaaand yep

- hey you better leave Scully alone mf

- En Ami

- you've gotta be kidding me

- interesting

- oop Mulder figured it out already

- uh oh

- 118????

- uh oh

- WHATCHYA DOIN

- WHAT THE FUCK

- I can't tell what cancer man's intentions are and it's stressing me out

- Scully looks beautiful tho

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIS INTENTIONS I'M SO CONFUSED

- he switched it didn't he

- ALL THAT TO THROW IT AWAY?!?!?!?!

- Chimera

- what the fuuuuck

- PFFFT Scully XD

- OH?

- I feel so bad for this woman :(

- oh fuck he was sleeping with the first woman too???

- oh shit it's not her????

- IT'S HER?!?!?!

- All Things

- OH???

- I'm confused, do we know him?

- oh gross they had an affair didn't they

- wtf is going on

- ????

- THE HAIR TUCK OMFG

- what a strange episode

- Brand X

- YUCK

- pfffft I love Mulder's sass

- gross part 2, somehow grosser!

- god I hate this guy so much

- BRO WOUND HIM, SOMETHING!!!

- thank you!

- ?????

- Hollywood A.D.

- wtf

- BRA'TAC?!??!?!

- bruh who cast this mf as Mulder

- PFFFT SKINNER'S FACE

- seriously tho wtf is happening XD

- "sir have I missed you off in a way that's more than normal?" PFFFFT

- all I can say is thank god this dude is an idiot and not an asshole

- bruh wtf

- uhhhh that dude looks exactly like an older Mulder wtf

- BRUH, that dude asking Mulder about his dick while that woman sprints back and forth in the background is killing me XD

- PFFFT THEY'RE BOTH IN THE BATH

- "I appreciate that Skinman" "don't call me that" XD

- WHY ARE THEY ALL IN THE BATH XD

- PFFFFT

- god I love giggly Scully

- Fight Club

- wtf?

- why'd they have her turned around the entire time until that dramatic reveal as if seeing her face is supposed to mean something

- WHY ARE THEIR FACES DIFFERENT

- WTF IS HAPPENING???

- ok I had to rewind to check they never showed their faces until after she went outside

- this is already freaking me out

- they're so cute

- "they could electrocute me quicker!" XD

- she cannot seriously be so dumb that she's printing money onto regular ass paper

- THERE'S TWO OF HIM TOO?????

- I'm sorry but this was such a stupid episode

- Je Souhaite

- there's a body in that rug isn't there

- a living body???

- oh what in the sweet hell

- is that woman he found a damn genie???

- yup

- sounds about right

- Scully is so fucking funny

- god the rug being her version of a lamp is so fucking stupid XD

- poor Scully

- YEESH

- this can only go terribly

- everyone is gone aren't they

- YUP

- OH MY GOD

- ooooo they're watching a movie togetherrrrr

- YES he set her free!!!!

- Requiem

- man Krychek is really never gonna leave is he

- HER SMILE WHEN SHE ASKED IF HE HURT HIM XD

- "let's go waste some money" god this duo has become so chaotic and mischievous since Scully started embracing it and I LOVE IT

- is he fucking smoking a cigarette througha trache tube?!???!

- oh god damn it is that the speed shit again???

- OOOOH I remember him now!!! The X in the road finally made it click for me

- omfg the way Mulder is looking at Scully rn, WOW

- CUDDLES!!!!

- oh crap

- wtf is happening rn

- oh shit Skinner is seeing his first spaceship!!!

- 😭

- HUH?!?!?!?!?!?

- THAT'S THE FINALE?!?!?! BRUH

- Season 8

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 1 thoughts

ah, the first ep of a new season. it has such a fresh feeling to it each time! and according to that poll i reblogged, s4 is a fan-favorite (along with s3). well, i really liked s3, so i hope i’m in for more of that! 

overall, this was a wild episode. things just! kept! happening! so fast! in fact, i think it will take me a while to gather my thoughts on the stuff that was happening, because it was occurring so rapidly! but luckily, i am familiar enough with the monster of the week format by now to know that i have some time to process all these events, because most episodes will be entirely unrelated to the plot action that went down today. so good episode, but separated scully and mulder + so much plot so fast = not a GOAT ep for me. and with this being said, back to my liveblogging!

it feels that it has been so long!!! maybe even a full WEEK! or more!! since i watched the last episode! i recall, however, not being very impressed due to lack of scully. so let’s see if this episode can change my opinion.

so, reading the description, it seems this alien fellow is referred to as “Bounty Hunter”. i’ve been calling him "alien hit man" for 2 seasons now, so this will be an adjustment. the seriousness with which i take using his proper name is yet to be determined. and we get some alleged samantha lore here?!?! will it actually be true?!? i assume everything about samantha will be a lie forever

i want to know how jeremiah smith gets out of this sticky situation, so let us continue together and see what happens to our agents.

“last season on the x files…” yes yes, this was probably a vital refresher for those who had to wait a year in between seasons. and also for me who had to wait a week, which as i am sure you can imagine was JUST as excruciating!

in my absence, i seem to have forgotten how terribly beautiful this mulder fellow is. rest assured that i am now remembering as we get a little recap.

but oh! we do not begin in the fight scene where we ended last time. we begin in… a van? of a fellow who is fixing a power line? is this some more TV mind control stuff…..? (no, thankfully, it was not)

there is a bug by his ear and he slaps it. and then we see the bee on the ground struggling while a bunch of kids gather around. they all look the same and seem to be multiplying. which is very weird but i feel bad for the bee.

5 creepy blond identical children watch this man DIE after being stung??? he’s writhing up on the cable pole and then he FALLS and all the kids surround him like jackals... omg… very much gives the impression they are gonna eat him. but they just walk away after staring at this body for a bit which is maybe even creepier. hard to say. 

what do the children know…….?

(intro time) (<3)

HEY WHAT THE HELL? i interrupt making a heart emoji by hand to inform you that the words on the screen do NOT read “the truth is out there”, but today they say “everything dies”. this is NOT a good sign for mrs. mulder or jeremy smith omg… 

i know our agents aren’t kicking the bucket yet though because we have a few more seasons!!!

okay, NOW back to mulder and scully and jeremy and the bounty hunter. mulder tells scully to not get in the bounty hunter's way, and she immediately does and gets knocked over, which is a little comical- but you can’t blame a girl for trying!!!

mulder is now chasing jeremy and in turn being chased by the bounty hunter through some weird warehouse-y building, with scully not too far behind. the screen is very dark and it is hard to see things. mulder comes face-to-face with the bounty hunter but they just look at each other and then run after their real target, which is probably a good thing, because we have seen the bounty hunter kick mulder’s ass before, and i’m not really feeling a rematch at this point in time.

no, jeremy! the bounty hunter approaches, and to escape him, he jumps off of the roof. mulder is taking jeremy down to the car where scully shall be the getaway driver. i'm in the getaway car, i left you in the hotel bar, etc.

until the bounty hunter DROPS on their window like a spider!!!!! so she honks the horn for a very long time, which was deserved. 

okay, so back into the maze of the building. mulder and jeremy are running on foot. mulder hides in some bushes!!! then LEAPS out and STABS THE BOUNTY HUNTER in the base of his neck!! omg!! the one spot where these beings can be killed!!! i knew sneaky mulder was gonna set some sort of trap, i just didn’t think he would have such good luck with his aim! 

yes, he did it!!! the poison goop is coming from the base of the bounty hunter’s neck. but jeremiah is motoring away on a little boat, saying more killers will be after him. mulder yells after him that he needs help; his mother is dying. and i think it is fair to save a life after mulder saved his, so maybe, just maybe, they can buzz to the hospital reallllly quick before they let him go… back to space, or whatever. 

scully has found the dead bounty hunter, and is looking for mulder, who has gotten on the boat with jeremy and sailed away, i guess. rude as hell to leave her stranded there!!

she keeps going back to the body and i’m yelling NO GIRL, THE BLOOD GAS but NO! that is not even the biggest problem, for the bounty hunter is ALIVE! he grabs her throat and chokes her, which had to absolutely SUCK to film. 

he keeps asking where they’re going while he’s choking her, and that seems to be a bad way to get answers. she says she doesn’t know, but in my head i’m yelling, just say they’re going to the mall!! lie!! lie!!! they’re going to the mall. a dude in the food court claims to be an alien expert who knows information on samantha’s whereabouts. they want to see the guy at quizno’s knew about jeremy’s existence. send him on a side quest!!! but she just says she doesn’t know, which is fine, too.

anyway, back to mulder and jeremy disembarking from the boat. jeremy says that the government men will be waiting for them at the hospital in mrs. mulder’s room, but mulder tries to counter by saying that if the government men do anything there, they will be exposed. well! i think this is faulty reasoning because they might just kill all of you, but i see that he wants this to be true for the sake of his mother.

jeremy explains that they are working on colonization, and if they kill him, he sure can’t help his mother, which makes sense to me even if it is deeply unfortunate. or, he says... mulder can stop it! mulder, stopping colonization?! that is a large task for one guy...

OH! jeremy claims that he can take mulder to a place where there is a “work in progress” and SEE HIS SISTER??? how do we know that isn’t another TRICK!!!! i always suspect deception when it comes to his sister, because they know that claiming to have information on her can get him to do anything they please.

cutscene to the hospital, where CANCER MAN is holding mrs. scully’s hand (LET GO, FREAK!) and some lackey says that “he isn’t coming”

GASP! this lackey pulls out the pictures of cancer man at mrs. mulder’s house and suggests… a SECURITY LEAK! he proposes planting information to see where it flows… information that mrs. mulder’s life is in “unnatural danger”… oh no… will X see through the trickery?

back to scully cam. her phone is ringing. mulder wants to know where she is: “i’m right where you left me, mulder” OHHH! get him again for me. and when he asks why she is still there, she says it’s because he wouldn’t answer his phone and she didn’t know what to do :( which is so sad

but what about the bounty hunter……

NO!!!! he’s right behind her in the car, holding the needle up to her neck through the phone!! she’s trying to get him to stfu, but he keeps yapping about stealing a car in alberta, and revealing all his plans to the bounty hunter!!!!

so he just lets her go after hearing where mulder is, which is lowkey crazy, but she tells him that the bounty hunter is coming after him. and that he is in fact NOT dead. so now what do mulder and jeremy do about these plans they have made and just revealed to their enemy????

anyway, mulder and jeremy are in the hills of alberta where we earlier saw the dude who got stung by a bee drop dead. and mulder's face is all beat up and it’s kinda endearing... like aww, let me put a bandage on you.

scully is going to skinner’s office, who has summoned her. she lies that her and mulder are okay, and it’s a pretty visible lie in terms of body language, so i imagine skinner catches onto that. but he’s like, why tf are there 5 dudes at the social security administration all called jeremy smith and with the same face? and what do you know about them?

well she’s honest in this regard at least, and says idk. but the nerd down at the labs can see that each of the 5 jeremys had very weird data on their computers. 

“enough to fill seven ten-gigabyte hard drives” hold on. okay so that is, in modern terms, not a whole lot of stuff. like a 68 GB flash drive at target rn is $6, and it's even a nice blue color. so i’m wondering how much stuff you can stick on there but honestly i do need to get back to the plot at hand and stop looking up the differences between flash and hard drives. he says it’s “a billion entries” which is a lot!

scully thinks it might be a code!!! and she thinks she might be able to crack it!!!! wahoooo!!! code time! code time!! i love when she is in her sleuthing era!! and the lab nerd (revealed to be named "agent pendrell") says "seriously?" when she says she thinks she can crack it, but i wouldn't have said that, because i trust in her skills.

she says there is someone she wants to run it by… is it the lone gunmen? the navajo representative? her dad’s old friend? who could it be?

back to mulder and jeremy running through the hills of canada, arguably even frolicking. where they come across the dead guy!!! he is bubbling and covered in bugs…… so the death was yesterday. and jeremy knows what killed him!!! he’s being VERY WEIRD!!! 

gag… the body looks soooooo nasty... but as always, to cope with this, i give a shoutout to the props department. but i WILL gag. 

so they’re at their destination, which is… a “flowering shrub”? being grown for pollen? and worked by a bunch of kids like the creepy ones from before. what the hell do aliens want with some pollen...

MULDER THINKS ONE OF THE KIDS IS HIS SISTER??? but she’s still a child!!!!! how could this be?

i’m suspecting trickery here. either way, he goes right in after her, calling her name. NOOOOO- he gets on his knees, grabs her arms, and says “it’s me, fox, your brother” and she has no readable expression whatsoever NOOOOO omg WHAT SORT OF TORTURES HAVE THEY CONCOCTED TO PUT THIS MAN THROUGH???

(i’m operating under the assumption that it is Not Actually Her)

she just looks at him…. and jeremy says “she has no language”, and is a drone…. he says he has more to show him so that he might understand. YOU MADE A CHILD A DRONE? and you're supposed to be THE GOOD ONE, JEREMY?

(if this actually is samantha and they hurt her like that i’m going to choke slam this jeremy fellow into the core of the earth)

mulder naturally wants to know what tf is going on, and jeremy says the drones are stationed here as part of an agrarian workforce, where they take care of themselves, and “parenting is unnecessary”. oh i just KNOW that at this point if i were mulder and someone told me parenting his long lost sister "wasn't necessary”, i would have started throwing hands. what an insult to injury, taking her away and saying that she doesn't even deserve someone to look after her, when all he has wanted for so long was to do just that...

and a bunch of other kids come out ALL WITH HER FACE and the boys have the fact of that CREEPY BLOND KID FROM BEFORE!!! CLONING??? did they CLONE HER???? yes they did. so they’re clones but... where is the OG samantha??????

this is soooooo fucked up like WHERE is his REAL and ACTUAL sister and what can we do to free these identical children!!!!!

scully is going to mulder’s place to put an x tape on the window. oh no! but what if X HAS really been fed lies??? (she also bites the tape again which i still think is funny)

i am observing mulder’s apartment as she tries to crack the code whilst waiting for his arrival. sadly, i cannot work out the names of the books on his shelves.

someone knocks and she grabs her gun… but it is, in fact, X, our man of the hour. AND OH NO!!! he does say he has information concerning mulder’s mother!!! NOOOOOOO, i was hoping he would be more discerning than this and not fall for such a trap!!

scully doesn’t seem to be buying it… X refuses to talk to her, and says to get in contact with mulder, but she is insisting he gives her information on the code.

he knows what the various entries are… they’re about the smallpox eradication program. but X is telling her not to open doors she isn’t ready for. so what does THAT mean???? he leaves by saying “protect the mother” ummmm okay...

WAIT! if she goes there then they’ll think SHE is the spy, right??? or no… because they know she wouldn’t have access to information at that level, so someone would have to give it to her. lie and say krychek gave it to her. idk just lie!!!

back to this weird little town. mulder is trying to take the little girl with them, which pisses jeremy off (STOP… HE WANTED TO TAKE HER WITH THEM I’ll SOB 😭)

he’s all “she’s not your sister” and “you have a chance to understand something so much greater” but he won’t do any actual explaining. condescending fuck. and when explanation is requested, who rolls up but the bounty hunter!!!

now they’re sprinting off to a place… where the girl is taking them. a place filled with the bees who killed that guy earlier!! mulder learns that while jeremy and samantha clone have immunity to the killer bees, he does not.

so now he’s covered in killer bees and to protect himself he DOUSES HIS BODY IN GASOLINE and therefore cannot see a single thing and needs to be led along by this small child who looks like his sister but isn’t. they are in a building filled with evil evil evil looking bees and their evil honey... but they realize they have been trapped by the bounty hunter when they look up and see a hole in the sky. 

the bounty hunter is entering into this cavernous honey town, and sees only the gasoline can and many bees, but no people. until they break a wall of honeycomb they were hiding behind down directly on top of him, and the bounty hunter is swarmed by them!!!! he seems to be busy being hurt by them. so i guess they will hurt him, but not kill him? noted. need to keep track of the alien species rules.

okay, so back to the lab nerd, agent pendrell, who frantically adjusts his tie as scully walks in with a break on the data. yeah don't think i missed that. that actor wanted to make his 5 minutes of screen time count. i see you!

“you say a twenty letter code to any scientist, and they immediately think ‘protein amino acid sequence code’, which is what this turned out to be” <- i love her so terribly i can’t even form a decent sentence to describe it. it's actually embarrassing but whatever.

and it’s a code for cowpox virus, which was used to vaccinate people against smallpox! so why were they keeping vaccine records… besides for the obvious reason of making sure that smallpox is defeated?

well, that doesn’t matter right now, because the big question is: what is with this second alpha numeric string? each with an infinite number of variations?

she says it’s an inventory… of us… and pulls off her jacket to reveal a bandage on her arm. which i’m sure had that nerd sweating. 

(did she like get a shot in the time whilst mulder was MIA... i’m confused) (<- lmao sometimes i just do not understand wtf is going on and it is really funny reading these notes back)

she’s presenting her theory and an image created by “a confocal microscope” to some people in skinner’s office. and i’m not sure i’ve ever been more in love before, but whatever. she’s explaining it’s a protein’s location, a cowpox protein, number 6 to be exact, thank you!

OH! it came from her! she got a biopsy taken from her vaccination scar. which makes a lot more sense than getting your flu shot while doing important FBI work. although getting your flu shot IS important it’s just. you know. bigger fish to fry n all that.

she got this image “through a process called immunohisto chemical staining and through the addition of an antibody” <- unfortunately her saying all this is incredibly attractive to me

but there’s important business at hand. she thinks anybody who has been vaccinated over the past 50 years might have a marker in them!!

oh, low blow from the guy who said this sounds like something that would come from mulder….

but she performed the same procedure on agent pendrell i’m CRYING he is SOOOOOOO down bad for herrrrrr 😭😭😭😭

and his protein is different even though it should be the same as hers!! DEEPLY suspicious!

“so what you’re saying, agent scully, is we’re being catalogued, tagged, and inventoried?” well yes skinner, i do believe that is what she is saying!

by who and for what purpose? she doesn’t know. but jeremiah smith probably does!

skinner wants to talk to scully ALONE! he looks MAD and asks “do you realize what you are promoting” and she cuts him off with “i am a SCIENTIST, sir” OHHHHHH YES!!! shut him up!!!!!!!!!!! and isn’t that why she was assigned to the x files in the first place?!?!?! YES EXACTLY!!!!! TELL HIM!!!!!!!

pained skinner expression as her phone goes off. it’s mulder, and she needs to meet him. she says “just tell me where” (ohhh my god the way they’d do anything for each other…)

he explains that he and jeremiah smith and “someone else” need to be at mrs. mulder’s hospital room, where she has to wait and keep her safe. 

she says a lot of people want to talk to jeremiah smith and will be there, but who comes barreling down the road to get mulder and the squad as she says this, but the damn bounty hunter!!!! omg!!! can this dude just die already!! damn!!! 

the bounty hunter runs his van STRAIGHT into the car with jeremy and “samantha”!!! and when the bounty hunter picks mulder up by his throat, he begs for jeremy and his sister’s life, while bounty hunter says “he shows you pieces, but tells you nothing of the whole” which i do feel is deeply true. but jeremy being a “traitor to the project” isn’t really feeling as damning as having a crop of brainwashed clone children harvest killer honey to me personally.

so mulder says “kill me, and let them go”, and that he would TRADE HIS LIFE FOR HIS MOTHER’S!!!!!! the bounty hunter says that “everything dies” while jeremy tries to make an escape.

(omg is he really willing to sacrifice his life… or is he just saying anything to buy jeremy more time???)

bounty hunter TOSSES mulder into a truck, picks up the needle to go after him, while samantha clone starts screaming... NOOOO that poor girl😭

back at the hospital, scully, skinner, and the guys have been waiting for five hours, with nothing to show for it. it’s starting to compromise the treatment of patients, says a random nurse. but in walks mulder!!!

“oh my god, mulder!” scully says, running to him, while he mumbles “i can’t, there’s nothing”, and other nonsensical phrases, which begs the question: WHAT HAPPENED IN THOSE FIVE HOURS????

she’s feeling him, saying he’s freezing and in shock, and he can’t even stumble to the right hospital room door to find his mother without scully’s help. but he gets there and looks at his mother while scully wraps a blanket around him, and he mumbles that "she’ll never know". 

and he’s CRYING, and he LEANS DOWN so scully can hold him while he sobs into her shoulder (height difference height difference oh my GOD its so painful and terribly tender)

WHAT WILL SHE NEVER KNOW?? WHAT DID HE SEE?????

just when i expect an emotional climax, we change scenes to mulder’s place, where footsteps are approaching. X lets himself into the apartment, but seems to realize that something is… afoot. 

he goes for the elevator to escape, when a man FIRES TWO SHOTS INTO HIM!!! NOOOO X!!!

we had a rocky relationship but i never wanted it to end in this fashion……….

(is it inappropriate to wait until he’s dead to say that i’ve always thought he was handsome….)

well. um. we don’t get a lot of time to linger on that.

back to mrs. mulder. mulder has his head in his hands, saying they could have saved her, that he had once chance. and he tells scully that he saw his sister. and she was just a little girl. 

it’s not clear if scully can tell he’s speaking the truth or if she thinks he is still saying random stuff in shock, but he says that he’s seen too much to not believe. she counters that she believes they have a place to begin in looking for answers.

“you put such faith in your science, scully, but… the things i’ve seen, science provides no place to start” 

“nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it- and that’s a place to start”

OOOOOH BANGER LINE!!!!! such hope there is in understanding the world that seems impossible to comprehend, if only we seek out the knowledge to grasp it!!!! if we admit what we don’t know and start where we do until we reach the Truth!!!

this line coaxes a smile out of him, and she adds “that’s where the hope is”, and i think i understand scully on a molecular level. 

but he is still in agony over there. he feels he came close, and she feels it too.

and as she says she was warned by X about his mother being in danger, and that he is who can lead them to a place to start, we see him dragging himself down mulder’s hallway, gasping for breath, before finally collapsing, having written “SRSG” in his OWN BLOOD???????? HOLY HELL??? that was very metal in a fashion i was not expecting…….. rip X :(

as much as i feel like we need some time to linger on that we really aren't given any in terms of the episode’s pacing. but like. damn. its MY writeup and i can give us a moment of silence for X as i choose.

...

okay, jump to a month later, at the UN building in NYC. we see someone open a door to the special representative to the secretary general- OMG... the SRSG!!! and mulder is there to visit!! he must have pieced together the horrific clue… the special representative won’t see him. but his secretary, marita covarrubias, will.

he’s trying to get answers on the farmland in canada, but only getting dead ends. however, maria says the farm was abandoned, but the crops were identified as ginseng. 

GINSENG? making killer bees? press F to doubt. and she says there no evidence of bees. YEAH RIGHT,,, I SAW THEM!

she asks why this is so important to him, and he starts to say that he’s suffered some very personal losses recently, but he can’t seem to get it out (oh my gosh, it is so sad) but he opens the file she hands him and sees A PHOTO of the CLONES OF HIS SISTER doing farm work!!!

and this assistant says “not everything dies, mr. mulder” (which at this point i had to rewind and get her name because i realized she might KNOW THINGS and be a RECURRING character with INFORMATION…. OMG….)

SO WHAT DO WE DO WITH ALL OF THAT?!?!?

back to the hospital, where THE BOUNTY HUNTER is visiting????? is he gonna hurt mrs. mulder OMFG???? stay away from her?!!!!!

but he goes in there and looks at her. “i need to know the reasons why this should be”, he asks CANCER MAN??? who seems to have SET UP OFFICE IN THERE??? he says it’s so that the project may continue, and this will remove an obstacle. and that obstacle is AGENT MULDER???

HELLO??? so DID cancer man do this to her??? “if his mother were to die….” NO NO, KEEP ON TALKING CANCER MAN, SHARE WITH THE CLASS WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY

“the fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose, and you know how important agent mulder is to the equation” <- SO THIS WHOLE COLONIZATION PLAN WAS DRAFTED WITH HIM IN MIND???? how would that even be possible... how far back does this plan even go?

bounty hunter closes the door and locks it behind him, then proceeds to lay his hand on mrs. mulder- so ALL of these aliens can do the healing thingy? and she opens her eyes!!!! and sees cancer man!!

imagine that being the first thing you see when you wake up omg….

and thus concludes the episode.

okay, so i have a lot to say, but yesterday i saw a video that said “think of the character you hate the most in the world” and i thought of cancer man. then the video said “now imagine all your negative self thoughts in that character’s voice and you won’t listen to them ever again” and damn, if cancer man TRIED me i would find new and exciting ways to cause him suffering. in ways that i shan’t describe, for i haven’t even thought of them yet. i imagine an entirely empty room with nothing but that one “i’m good and i’m feeling alright” song on loop for years, with his ears in protective gear that make them impossible to self-deafen when he’s lost it.

BUT. we got a lot in this episode. and i’m not sure how i’m feeling. 

well, first, we lost X. this is a major L for our heroes. even though he could be a bit insufferable in his vague hints, he seemed to have some sort of positive feeling toward mulder, at least part of the time. but how much of what he was doing was furthering cancer man’s agenda? it might be impossible to ever tell.

second, jeremy. he was a great dude in episode 1, saving all those lives, and then it turns out he knew about the clone children slavery which makes me think much less of him and i find it hard to mourn his death. because seriously WTF kind of evil creature uses cloned kidnapped kids to harvest evil killer bees. and no parents because they are “unnecessary”. and poor mulder was tortured by seeing her again but it not actually being Her. and despite it not actually being Her, he wanted to save this clone samantha, who had been deprived of any language. what the hell. jeremy is supposed to be RESISTING to the alien’s plan for colonization but he knew about this so like???? which side is he on?????

i mean, i guess knowing about atrocities committed by your people doesn’t mean you endorse them, but he was SO condescending about the whole matter, all “oh you don’t understand” in a way that makes me think he WAS endorsing it. so if he’s down with their evil plans, why the hell is he resisting them bad enough to be hunted by this bounty hunter for???

i am puzzled on that front, but it feels that it was designed to be this way. either way, jeremy is dead now too, so no answers on that front, either.

so, we know that there is this plan at colonization of earth by this alien species, and that jeremy claimed mulder had some way of stopping it. and the colonization plan involves evil bees and pollen and cloned children and inventorying every person who ever received a smallpox vaccine. and also kidnapping people and performing tests on them that will slowly kill them. and this is a plan set in place by a certain group at the UN to which cancer man belongs, but somehow this plan stretches back to mr. mulder, and was drafted with the younger mulder in mind. and we also know that they took samantha as "insurance" so that mr. mulder didn't betray the plan, because he was not in agreement with the ethics involved.

other things that we know but are not clear how exactly they fit in: the whole oil alien that turns people into flashbangs found in the sunken submarine deal, krychek's escape arc, exactly who the little grey dudes that look like stereotypical aliens are, and if the bodies found in the train car back in anasazi were actual aliens, or alien-human hybrids- because they had smallpox vaccine scars. also, we still do not know to whom X pledged his loyalty, and the exact purpose of the disease center in west virginia where that one dude claimed the government was testing on vulnerable populations.

so somehow we have some known aliens in here, people being catalogued and experimented upon, possibly in an attempt to create alien-human hybrids to accelerate the plan of alien colonization. but also some mystery aliens of uncertain relevance to the plot.

okay, i think... i have it all in order.

there was a lot that went down here, so i will need some time to process it all. but, we did get more scully, which is ALWAYS a good thing, especially when she is cracking codes and being a scientist. and poor mulder... they are just torturing him for fun at this point...

there was a lot of plot, but not a ton of time to process it. so this episode was good, but i don’t think it would make my top 10 ranking. this is also a consequence of our agents being separated for most of the ep.

so, where do we go from here? i have no idea! i am just glad to begin a new journey with these characters, even if things are still very murky in terms of plot! in fact, there was so much plot crammed into a short space of time, i'm almost looking forward to a few monster of the week episodes to try and give my brain a break from unraveling all that.

now... i know that the next episode has a reputation for being quite spooky. and i shall face this challenge with bravery and honor. wish me luck…

[spacevixen2024]

Twenty Questions for Fanfic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 works. I know, unlucky for some!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 399,235

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mass Effect Trilogy

In the past, I've written Stargate Atlantis, NCIS, and X Files under a different penname on FF.net.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

From The Ashes - Book Two (59 Kudos)

A month after the events of Phoenix Rising, Major Kaidan Alenko remains in command of the Normandy, while the crew find a way to bring Commander Shepard back from the brink.

Phoenix Rising - Book One (46 Kudos)

In the aftermath of the war, the crew of the Normandy struggle to comprehend the loss of their commanding officer. Major Kaidan Alenko is thrust into a role he is not ready for, and he has to do it while mourning the woman he loves.

Fast forward six weeks, Commander Faith Shepard is found alive but drastically changed, with significant memory loss that erases her recollection of the Reapers and other critical events. There's no logical explanation for her survival, hinting at something more sinister.

A Soft Place To Land (35 Kudos)

Takes place during Mass Effect 3: Citadel.

Miranda and Shepard decide to unwind with a girls' night out at the Silver Coast Casino. The evening is filled with laughter, a few too many drinks, and Shepard letting her guard down in a way she rarely does. By the time they leave the casino, Shepard is decidedly worse for wear, much to Miranda's amusement.

Miranda delivers a very tipsy Shepard to Kaidan, who is waiting patiently at her new apartment.

Don't Give Up On Us (27 Kudos)

Kaidan Alenko and Shepard have a major disagreement following the events of Desponia aka Kaidan had to know what he was signing up for when he returned to Normandy. Or did he?

In Their Own Words (Shenko Drabbles) 27 Kudos

To keep my mind fresh on days I don't have enough time to write, I'll be using a random word generator to give myself ten minutes to write.

100 words based on Shenko (how could I not??)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I love feedback and genuinely knowing if someone is enjoying the work.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Most my current stuff is angst, although will be shying away from that into more action for Book 3 of my Faith Shepard series. I would have to say Phoenix Rising...so far.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Book 3 will be the happiest but it's work in progress.

So until then it's Save A Horse, Ride A Canadian which is set years from the events of my trilogy. Some might call it spoilers, I call it HOPE!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Had someone complaint that my slow burn was *gasp* slow.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am new to smut, but now have a fair few. I have done mostly M/F stuff but I did write an interesting threesome. I am definitely getting more comfortable writing it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't written any yet, but the ideas are bouncing around.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Who the fuck would steal my unhinged dribbles?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, but I'd definitely be up for it.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

My first OTP was Mulder/Scully way back in the day. These days, Shenko both MShenko and FShenko have my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have firm belief that they were all be completed at some point.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Angst? Is that a strength?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Happy endings?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I am terrible at languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X Files nearly 25 years ago!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Definitely my Faith Shepard series. It's come a long way since a planned fic of only ten chapters. I am super proud of it and the friends I have made within the ME fandom!!!

[sakuraswordly]

Continue from these

#damn...can you imagine wearing all that weight of the world on your shoulders...

#that's hurt and sad when come thinking about this again....the one who carried everything even gladly to be evil for the right thing

This is what makes him being corrupted so much more painful.

This isn't just about saving his friends anymore. It's so they can live their dreams. Having their freedom, even if it costs Sonic his own.😢

That's why Gilgamesh is the most tragic character because he carries everything by himself and does it alone to not let one avoid, like both Sonic and Punch, who gladly become villain for the sake of doing the right thing and helping as much as they can even cost their life.

The moment Sonic finally succumbs to it is equal parts horrifying and tragic. He tries with all the might that he can muster to keep going, but when he finally succeeds, the corruption reaches its limit and he just keels over, clearly in immense agony but holding himself back from screaming in defeat out of pride. After a brief struggle, his entire body just goes limp, his face frozen in pain. Source: tvtropes

You did see something very similar between Sonic and Gilgamesh right?

Punch: God, my a**s! You're just giving yourself an out and manipulating other people! I've had enough of it! I won't let you or everyone change me or use me again! Exterminate the world?! Rewrite the universe?! Who the hell wants to do that @#$%&*?! I'm starting to hate humanity! I hate everything about this world!! I hate everything around me!! I'll get wiped this universe if I can! I'm humanity's biggest enemy! Got it?! I'm the worst girl who ever lived! I may be the enemy of the whole universe. I had no place to call home where I belong. But I'm your friend, Chester. You did destroy my life, yes and I can't be a good girl. And I don't want to be a god. But when I saw someone cry say no one needs them. I want to tell them it's not true!! Source

That's why Punch became like this for the right thing the same as King Gilgamesh as well.

That's how all three quotes come from their own heart and their decisions.

That's why there is no such thing as meaningless.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 17 thoughts

omg!! after complaining of lack a of scully last time, this episode’s description specifically mentions her by name- and with a priest, too! is it time for scully catholic lore?! i am so excited! i fear i should lower my expectations, but it sounds promising!

it’s been a solid week since i’ve watched an episode, so i’m ready to dive in. 

post episode thoughts: idk, this one didn't really do it for me. and i don't know exactly what "it" is. despite checking many of the boxes that i think personally make a great episode (solo scully time and catholic guilt to name a few) this one felt just... too dark and convoluted for me. i literally had no idea what was going on, and then when i started to pick up on it, we circled back to the emily story, which still makes me feel very frustrated and i feel they could have handled it so much better. it also, once again, denies scully any autonomy, which is very frustrating.

surprisingly, in this scully-centric episode, the MVP for me was... mulder? yes, i'm genuinely shocked. he was so protective and caring even while being very grumpy. the way he leaned in to grab her shoulder... calling her back in the rain... gently teasing her and then realizing it wasn't a teasing sort of situation... wow.

and also, as i mentioned before, he looked really good. arguably at his best here.

(this might be my longest post so far LMAO)

very dramatic music is playing as this priest arrives at a house to baptize a young girl. i actually know very little about the whole baptismal process, so maybe this is accurate and maybe it’s not.

this girl, dara, has been baptized, and now the thunder is going wild, which seems spooky. 

also, she either has 6 toes or i cannot count.

did she get out of bed on her own despite not being able to walk before??? and now she’s walking towards a scary man while hearing evil voices. 

she’s on her knees praying to this guy who her father cannot see…. and HER EYEBALLS ARE BURNT OUT OF HER HEAD????????

huh. hey. a lot of things just happened very quickly. 

did the holy water burn her eyes? is she supposed to be a demon? i thought they were going to go with the “holy water healed her” route, which has its own problematic implications, but whatever these implications are, i’m lost. 

(author's note: and i was going to stay lost <3)

shortened intro, i clock you each and every time

scully is entering a church!!! she has on a blouse and not a suit, which feels strange. OHHH, SHE PULLS OUT THE BABY PICTURE OF MELISSA :(

god. she keeps it on her. i'm emotional.

it’s confession time. she’s talking to the confessor about her FBI work coming in conflict with her beliefs. it was father mccue who we saw before baptizing dara, and he said this family needed scully's help. hmm... what for?

scully is crying. OH MY GOD “father, i had a daughter who died” <- WHAT?? ARE THEY ACTUALLY GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?????

i'm shook. i thought we were simply never going to speak of emily again.

so father mccue thought that helping this family would help scully process her grief… 

SHE’S SAYING SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF HE CAN OFFER FORGIVENESS? SHE LET A GIRL DIE??

woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, let’s go back a few steps……. oh my god. did scully need more grief to wear like an iron backpack? NO. WHAT HAPPENED HERE???

let a girl die. what. i just cannot imagine scully "letting" this happen??

a week earlier she had gone to easter mass. and she looks so beautiful in white and cream :,)

father mccue wants to speak to her in private. this church seems like it’s hopping, so it must be pretty important.

she’s been coming more often!!! :,) aww i'm happy for her. don't tease her too much father mccue, i'm watching...

but he needs her help. the kernofs lost their daughter dara in a very strange situation. and he thinks that her words might help them.

she looks so pained at this moment. but she goes anyway. god. god. scully. feeling obligated to help despite visibly not wanting to. knowing it will tear her open again. and doing it anyway.

frankly, it seems a bit cruel of father mccue to send her on this mission, but maybe he sees things with a lens i, a mere layperson, cannot

she’s chatting with the couple and they’re explaining how they adopted dara. lance (the father) is angry at god. 

they’re saying she might have been struck by lightning??? she was wheelchair bound and somehow got up, walked out, and was praying. struck by lighting... that would be so weird

the mother says something about god letting this happen to an innocent girl and god. emily. i am still mad at your plot line for feminist reasons, but grief. new grief and old grief and inexplicable screaming at the sky.

back in the confessional booth, scully says she felt drawn to the couple. they were angry at god, and so was she, although she refuses to say that.

“as much as i have my faith, father, i am a scientist. trained to weight evidence. but science only teaches us how… not why” <- OHHHHHHH toss that in the bucket of quotes i will use to psychoanalyze dana scully forever and ever

now she’s chatting with the doctor, who also says that maybe dara was struck by lightning. she asks if scully is religious, and scully replies with “why do you ask?”, which i think is very interesting as a character choice for her to put that space between directly answering. especially since they're in a lab setting. it's less of a pause of making a purposeful separation between faith and science, imo, and more of a cautiousness that comes from thinking her faith will somehow be taken advantage of. but it’s also funny because her cross necklace is very visible. so. you can guess the answer to that question.

dara was found genuflecting??? even in death. and there’s a scar on her hand from where an extra finger was removed. but i def saw an extra toe earlier.

no other signs of trauma… “it’s as if god himself struck her down” oh…

this is going to be a very un-fun time for scully.

who is this man with an upside down cross in his car, entering a psychiatric hospital?

there’s another girl in the hospital, who also has extra fingers. it seems this new father gregory character has come to adopt this paula! but there was a mix-up. there was no approval from the social worker, and he cannot take her home until the paperwork is in order.

but social worker seems like he is lying… based on that zoom in shot…. i know this show and its narrative tricks...

scully is at home looking at the photos of dara, then pulling out the photo of melissa :( oh god :( she really has lost so much :(

she’s biting back tears as she answers the phone. she must be really out of it, because she answered with “hello” and not “scully” like always :(

it’s mulder, somewhere in a phone booth in the pouring rain! oh god bless that man, finding a phone booth to call her back from even while out and about. 

he’s tailing a potential suspect but still makes time for the call, even though he's in a hurry… then he runs into an x rated film showing. now, what is going on with that? hope you catch the guy, buddy.

he wants to know more, but she cannot tell him anything until he gets the birth records on dara :(

back to paula at the hospital. someone is approaching…. and when he approaches, she also hears the scary voices and genuflects like the other girl did!!! and there is a huge flash!!!

what is going on.

scully is at the scene, and finds the cross in her room hung upside down. is satan afoot.....?

MULDER ENTERS!!! “aren’t you the secret squirrel” <- LMAOOOO WHAT A WEIRD THING TO SAY!!! let the record show that this man is my baby girl.

ohhhh, she quietly explains she’s doing this as a favor :( i think he gets the idea not to press or make any other rodent comparisons

but he starts nerding out over the implications of the flipped cross. maybe the guy he was tailing last night is the same guy who did this?

(author's note: there was actually no relation whatsoever, and i think the writers just meant him watching the scandalous film as a weird gag, but for a brief moment there, i thought the narrative stars were going to align. alas!)

anyway, paula and dara were sisters!! they were quadruplets!! so there must be 2 more out there, and they must be in danger!!

(mulder has this five o clock shadow thing going on, and it’s kinda intoxicating)

“look scully, i know you don’t really want my help on this, but can i offer you my professional opinion?” (she nods, almost smiling) “you got a bona fide, super-crazy religious wacko on your hands”

average mulder sentence. he points out the prevalence of eye imagery in the bible, of gouging and smiting and other such cases. and in walks the social worker, who is sure there was not a cross on the wall there before!!

i’m overcome by something pulling at my heart strings while looking at mulder and scully standing together.

paula was about to be adopted, so they journey to church of st. peter the sinner, which has the upside down cross iconography outside and a sign that reads “the darkness is upon us” oh boy! i feel very welcomed /s

mulder is coming too because he is a nice guy in his leather jacket and jeans :)

he really has no life, huh…. god bless him

(i feel like he is in some sort of league basketball every other weekend, and probably goes to the library very often, but this is likely the extent of his social life. aside from sleepovers with the gunmen, of course. and that can be so beautiful)

they find a book of st. peter the sinner, and he immediately identifies it as full of apocrypha!!! which is hot. while someone seems to be watching them from a corner. less hot.

“i’m surprised there’s nothing here from jesus christ superstar” <- A MAN OF CULTURE???????

(i know this man is singing showtunes in his car. oh, i just KNOW it. and i bet he WOULD love jcs. and he was at oxford when some big west end shows were playing: phantom, les mis, evita, cats. a 2 hour bus ride from oxford to london is nothing for a massachusetts boy. just keep these facts in mind while making headcanons)

((and i do feel like he grew up watching musicals, too. just seems like something that happened in that household. they had the money to go see live theatre, but he also grew up in a golden age of movie musicals. idk, just try and tell me he didn't hear songs from west side story and the music man in his house growing up. i bet he thought it was annoying as a kid that his mother was always playing them, but now he looks back at it with fondness. whatever))

they break the news to father gregory that paula has died, which he didn’t know, and he seems to be overcome with emotion as he says he was trying to adopt her. yeah. this is unfortunate.

mulder asks why he wanted to adopt her and he is NOT messing around

“why adopt her?”, he asks. “what, you think i was interested in harming her?” “why. adopt. her” <- OHHH he is NOT going to be going easy on this case when scully’s heart’s on the line!!! everyone say thank you to protective mulder!!

father gregory says he knew the girl’s mother and was trying to protect her, but when they ask who the mother is, he says she died. hmm. yeah. i think having 4 babies at once is pretty unsafe. i can imagine this happening.

but still... he said he knows where she is… and then says she died. which is suspicious. like, why not just say she’s dead? i feel like he's lying.

father gregory says that he used to be in the roman catholic church and he was her confessor before he started his own church, and divulging her name would violate his code of faith. okay, that is great and all. but her kids are being murdered, so maybe pray on it and ask god if you can make a special exception.

this dude is very strange. 

“and yours, i see” he says, glancing at scully’s necklace

ohh…. allow mulder to stride in angrily. “you said you wanted to protect paula. from what?” yeah that is right. you don't let him mess with her.

what the fuck? this dude is so off putting. “whatever your intentions, your secular prejudices blind you from seeing what’s really happening here. two girls are dead- not by the hand of man. unless you accept the truth of god’s teachings that there is a struggle between good and evil for all souls, and that we are losing that struggle, you’re but fools rushing in. you put your own lives in danger. as well as the lives of the messengers”

(deeply pensive scully as father gregory walks away and someone continues to pant from the corner of his church)

wow. so i guess he thinks god just kills poor kids sometime for fun. sounds like a great god. i sure do want to join your church and worship him now. /s

(i'm still so baffled after watching the episode. so he thought the demons were killing the kids? it wasn't god doing the killing? but god lets demons kill kids sometimes unless people like him intervene? but actually it was the seraphim killing the kids and bringing them home to good? which would be a good thing, right? i just don't know what this episode was trying to sayyyyyy)

back to scully in confession. she brought mulder on the case “to help temper my feelings… to keep them from clouding my judgement. i wouldn’t admit it to him, but… as well stood there, i felt as if father gregory were speaking directly to me. in a language only i could understand”

well. i don’t understand it either, so i can’t analyze it. i'm sorry, queen, because i love to analyze you. but i'm glad she brought him along for the ride.

mulder holds the door open for her as they leave, and remarks on how gregory seems deeply suspicious (“he thinks he’s doing god’s laundry” is an exquisite line)

he’s definitely hiding something. 

“but, basically, you’re ruling out any element of the supernatural?” (careful mulder pause) “what do you mean?” 

ohhh, are they going to have this fight again? he seems to be holding something back. like he's trying to carefully measure his words despite being pissed off.

she points out that dara was baptized before she died

“and why would god allow this to happen, and why do bad things happen to good people? religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history” (heavy massachusetts accent when he says "horrible", btw, just noting that)

“i was raised to believe that god has his reasons, however mysterious” 

“he may well have his reasons, but he seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out his job orders”

wow. there’s so much to analyze there.

well, it's not outright denial of her beliefs, which is an improvement from before. he can clearly pick up on how much this case is impacting her, which i commend, especially for a guy whose ahab tendencies in the past have caused him to be oblivious to all things emotional. i will never be over that time he was like "i'm sorry your dog died :( btw i think we are dealing with the loch ness monster who somehow made his way to america. here are a bunch of dinosaur facts-"

mulder says she should autopsy paula before whoever it is has a chance to find her sisters. i think this is a fair judgement.

he is cranky. but he was trying to hold back. and i do appreciate that. cranky man who needs to shave. has he ever looked better??

i get the sense that this is one of those episodes i’ll have to rewatch to analyze more stuff in later. if i can bring myself around to it.

autopsy time. she finds something on both of paula's shoulders.

OH MY GOD, SHE LOOKS OVER AND SEES EMILY ON THE TABLE??!!

SHE STARTS CRYING??? AND SHE HEARS EMILY SAY “MOMMY PLEASE”???

BUT SHE TURNS BACK AND THE BODY WAS JUST PAULA??!!

hey. what. hey. emily jumpscare. what does this mean? she knew that alien child for like 2 weeks. please do not spiritually torment her.

back in the confessional booth, she says she wrote off what she saw as a hallucination based on her emotional connection to the case, but she clarified that is not what it was

damn. little did this confessor know he was in for a WILD story time when she sat down.

she says she was meant to see emily for a purpose. so she could save them. taking on the need to save others... this is such a scully thing to do.

mulder on da phone. he has a lead on the third sister!! 

(dramatic sunglasses removal as they stake out the area)

why does he look so good?? it’s making it hard to focus on the tragic plot at hand. 

he says the third sister wandered into a teen crisis center, which is odd because the other two could not walk at all. and scully points out that there’s some sort of degenerative bone disease in paula.

“and uh, i know you’re going to think that i’m crazy… but i swear i found evidence of something winglike”

DOES SHE THINK THESE GIRLS ARE ANGELS BEING BROUGHT BEFORE GOD FOR CRIMES?? THE REBELLIOUS ONES LIKE LUCIFER?

“well then, maybe she flew here, scully” <- lmao. not totally appropriate for him to say, but lmao.

uh oh… he finds another upside down cross outside the joint. she has more to say, but he has to go.

someone is chasing another girl… LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!

mulder approaches...

and this girl, too, hears more of those horrible overlapping voices, there’s a dude with the face of an alien (angel? devil?) and the blinding light?? and she’s doing the same pose as the others!! the genuflection!!

MULDER HAS HIS GUN…. who is here?! it’s father gregory!!! he says it’s too late!!! and that the girl is dead!!!!

and sure enough, her eyes are burned out as well, as a dove flies to the light. i see what you did there, souls ascending and all that.

(but i thought she was taken by the devil, so the soul going to the light seems contradictory... you know what? never mind ❤️)

now they have father gregory brought in for questioning, and mulder has a casual shirt on, which looks strange. “you know, they say when you talk to god it’s prayer, but when god talks to you, it’s, uh, schizophrenia” (he smiles at his own joke)

“you’re not interested in the truth” “i am ONLY interested in the truth!!” <- do not get between this man and his Truth. rest assured, that is his God

all jokes and jests have been forgotten at this point. he’s screaming at father gregory, asking what could possess him to burn those poor girls’ eyes out, with scully watching in the back. 

father gregory makes scully explain the upside down cross… st. peter would only be crucified upside down. out of reverence for christ. sure. okay. seems weird he makes her explain it. feels manipulative somehow.

(very interesting how the upside down cross represents both st. peter and the devil... makes following the plot of this episode even harder)

he says he has risked his life to protect their souls because the devil wants them. well, idk if you’re doing a very good job, tbh. you're 0/3. 

(mulder glares at him before leaving the room) 

but father gregory taunts scully, saying she knows what they are, and if the devil finds her, his victory will be complete. 

man, idk what they’re talking about :(

they think they found the fourth girl, and father gregory asks to be let go or else no one can save her. scully explains in confession that she knew she was meant to save her.

she says the devil didn’t take their souls, but the threat was real, and he gave his life to protect them.

anyone wanna tell me what’s going on?

back to the case. mulder's talking to her and then he asks what’s wrong. ohhh, he bends down to look in her eyes. “scully? scully. don’t let this guy get in your head. that’s the last thing you want” <- oh my god, he’s worried :((((

"you’re not going to find her. i think you’re being misled", she says

“by who?" (heavy pause) "scully, i think you’re the one who’s being misled. and not just willingly, but willfully. i’ve never seen you more vulnerable or susceptible or more easily manipulated. and it scares me because i don’t know why”

he is at once doing his very best and still manages to be a bit condescending, but he is also doing a very good job, at least for him, of saying what he means. so i’m proud

“i saw emily” OHHH she says it. i thought she would keep it to herself “she came to me in a vision”

he grabs her shoulder and pulls her in close: “i think you should step away” ohhh :( ohhh no :(

she tells him to go find the girl and let her finish up with father gregory, and he takes the case file from her hand, lingering over it, holding onto the image of the last girl 

the case worker made his way into father gregory’s room!! asking where she is!! “the others were taken from me” hey, who are you? 

oh my god, he starts burning father gregory????? “tell me father. save yourself” is he the devil?? a demon??

scully goes to talk to him again and the door is locked. father gregory is dead on the floor!! all burnt up!!!

mulder is arriving at the house of the fourth girl.  he is NOT playing around. her father says she’s at school, and he points out she hasn’t been at school for a week. he won’t unlock the basement door, so mulder is going to kick it open. 

her father is saying a priest would take her off his hands!! father gregory said he would take her and let him keep the disability checks!!

huh.......

scully is getting to her car, but she gets a call. “yeah, hi scully, it’s me” aww

(she drops her keys and hears the horrible demon voices as mulder yells at her on the phone to answer him)

before her is a bird alien lion thing???????? the CGI goes crazy!!!

poor mulder is yelling to her while she is witnessing the plot of revelations irl. he's gotta be so worried.

back to talking to father mccue. she says she has seen things. visions. a man with four faces. 

this is troubling to father mccue, who fetches his bible. he’s showing her a page. it has an angel with four faces, which he calls a seraphim. the seraphim fathers four children with a mortal woman, whose babies are the nephelim, the fallen ones. souls of angels, but weren’t meant to be, they’re deformed and tormented. so the seraphim smites them with his glory and they go back to god?

i do not remember this story from sunday school.

“you think that’s what i saw?” “no” <- oh, i didn’t think he would say that… i thought he would be supportive. actually pretty gagged here.

“no. i think what you saw is a figment of your imagination, a half-remembered story from your childhood that surfaced because of this case” <- is he trying to be helpful here?? reassuring?? dismissive??? 

she insists that she saw it. and i cannot get a read on father mccue.

“the text in which it appears isn’t even recognized by the church” <- okaaay, that makes me feel better for not knowing the story.

he is certain god has his reasons. it is how he rewards our fate. which is a nice thing to think about.

the case worker is here, claiming mulder has been trying to reach her. there is latin chanting as they go to father gregory’s church. everything is quiet and the footsteps are clear. 

ohhhh she sees devil horns in his reflection… and he says he knows the last girl here. 

and she finds the girl!!! she was who was watching them earlier!! he’s yelling out to her…. 

she says she won’t hurt the girl, that she’ll get her out of there, take her someplace safe.

she’s trying to guide her out and the demon is saying to bring her the girl. but she’s trying to go forward to him!! 

emily is here?? “mommy, let me go” HUH?? let her go to the DEVIL??? she lets emily go and she walks into the light???

scully is crying. the demon is gone, leaving behind only the dead girl. 

(author's note: i'm pretty sure i actually misunderstood this scene, and the seraphim came and intercepted the girl from the devil- at least, that is what wikipedia says happened. but this was not very clear, and you can imagine my shock at the thought of scully releasing her dead child to the devil. which will make my confusion in the following paragraphs make more sense)

back to the confession… she was sure she was releasing the last girl's soul to heaven. but she cannot reconcile this with the physical fact of her death.

“has it occurred to you that maybe this, too,  is part of what you were meant to understand?”

”you mean, accepting my loss

“can you accept it?”

“maybe that’s what faith is”, she says, crying 

the end.

hmm. hmm.

so scully couldn’t reconcile bringing that girl to heaven with her actual death. 

but i was so confused, i swear the caseworker had horns, like he was the devil!! but then i guess the seraphim swooped in?

so she can only understand the loss of emily through faith, which makes sense, but the emily plot line still makes me frustrated, so idk how i feel. 

you ever get so confused you go to wikipedia?

so the devil took their souls? the devil being the social worker? but then at the last minute the seraphim took the last girl and brought her to heaven even though she died.

so the devil actually got the first three girls? but the bird went up to the light, and scully said she was confident they went to a better place? so must be the bright light guy was the seraphim and he saved them from the caseworker?

listen. listen. i’m going to throw my hands up in the air and admit defeat on this one. i don’t know what the hell went on. but i do believe it was important to scully.

i also believe it was an attempt to wrap up the emily plot line and that it probably won’t ever be addressed again in a meaningful manner because woohoo! we did it! we wrapped it up! /s

hmm. hmm. mulder did endear me today. he was cranky, but he genuinely wanted what was best for her. i think. even if he was lying about tailing a suspect to go watch some illicit films. and i don’t want to think about that. it’s far funnier to imagine him actually tailing someone and having to watch that as a result. 

after watching this episode, i feel very strange. i mentioned before it just didn't do "it" for me, and again, whatever "it" is, i couldn't tell you. but i can tell you this: i am desperate for scully to reclaim agency in her life. and i find that subjecting her to divine will is not agency. maybe you could interpret what happened here as god testing her, or offering her a way to understand her pain, or perhaps even taking god out of the equation, because of the unconfirmed nature of all supernatural elements of this show, she is imagining all of this as a way to deal with her pain. but it doesn't really allow her any freedom or autonomy.

i don't think i can fully articulate my qualms with this episode without diving into the murky waters of if god allows for free will, which is above my pay grade. but i will say this: it felt like scully was thrust into this situation, and her own free will was once again denied, whether you think it is due to father mccue getting her involved or god using her to save these girls and wrestle with the nature of faith versus reality.

and i want to see scully make her own choices. this is a critique of the writers, and not of the fictional character of scully. why is she consistently denied her ability to make choices about her own life? why is she put into these situations that deny her the ability to make choices? why does this happen to the woman in the show and not the man? why does it focus heavily on her ability to bear children? you see what i'm saying? why is the plot happening TO scully but being driven forward BY mulder?

i feel like it is hard for me to analyze what happened in this episode because so little of it involved scully making her own choices. she did choose to get involved with father mccue's request, and she chose to find meaning in her experiences, and even chose to communicate the distress she was in with mulder, but plot wise it was "god is torturing scully again. does he have no one else to torture?"

the emily thing is still always going to rub me the wrong way. it was always clear from the start of the abduction arc that the plot was going in this direction, but that doesn't make me like it any better.

in conclusion: i didn't like this one because i feel it, once again, relied on removing scully's agency and autonomy, and after 5 seasons this is growing old. also, i didn't know the seraphim lore, so i had no idea what was going on.

what did you think? specifically my scully fans: do you agree with my critiques? am i being a hater? did you know what was going on? did you like this episode? i'm always down to listen to someone try and convince me to like an episode! i need to know everything in brutal detail.