#yes i also hate curly
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ianthesmells ¡ 3 months ago
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mouthwashing is a special experience because not only do you get to watch characters not take responsibility and not expect men in power to do anything to help women in the game, but you also get to watch the same reaction play out in real time in the fandom
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dykedvonte ¡ 4 months ago
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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the-real-couchrat ¡ 4 months ago
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Why do I keep seeing posts taking about everyone dying on the ship and Curly being put in the cryopod by J*mmy? Is this a popular AU?
Am I the only one who remembers the CANON ending where Pony Express is shut down for bad working conditions before the search parties are sent out, who find the crew after they’ve a been stranded for about two months? (“Unfortunately” they couldn’t get there before J*mmy fell down the stairs and snapped his neck)
Where they immediately bring Curly to a hospital while the rest of the crew stay nearby and start booking therapy appointments? Anya had an abortion and started medical school, Curly is getting fitted for prosthetics, and the whole crew (minus J*mmy) visits or calls him AT THE VERY LEAST weekly. (The crew was compensated with a lot of money so they don’t need to find a job for a while)
Anya and Curly had a heart-to-heart about how his actions (or lack thereof) affected her, and are trying to rebuild trust together. Swansea continued to mentor Daisuke (not officially, more like teaching him mechanical things when they come to mind) during their free time, and are trying to find a new direction in life.
J*mmy’s actions came to light, and no one showed up to his funeral other than the crew so they could throw tomato’s at his grave and talk shit during the eulogies.
HOW DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEMBER THIS!?!?!?
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xiakeik ¡ 4 months ago
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welcome to another one of my favorite things of all time: horror games :]
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barschter000 ¡ 2 days ago
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barok looks like he's allergic to peanuts
woke: projecting your period cramps onto a character
Bespoke: projecting your allergies onto a character
#listen i have several allergies and none of them make fucking sense and i am so fucking pissed about this has hit something in my brain#on that allergy scale (1-6) my allergies score a 4 on average but that doesn't mean they're so bad i die it's just that i'm very sensitive—#—to the allergens. i am allergic to literally every animal with fur (even 'non-allergic' curly horses) but i grew up next to a FARM—#—with two CATS and did HORSE RIDING for like FIVE years aND YET#i at least got rid of my pollen allergy that once got so bad that i had to leave school because my eyes kept watering and swelling so much—#—that I couldn't see anymore. i also did a microdosing exposure therapy for my animal hair allergy that did nothing#i fucking hate allergies so much. congrats barok you can never eat peanuts again. suffer.#there is a fic where he has a cat hair allergy and i was like 'yes! representation!' but then iris fixed it with her tea so he could pet—#—wagahai again and i was like 'you motherfucker. i literally couldn't visit any of my friends in school because they all had furry pets—#—only for your spoiled ass to be able to handle your cat allergy in the early 1900s. fuck you.'#i am not allergic to peanuts but! i am allergic to hazelnuts which i found out when i ate cake with hazelnuts in it and then had to go the—#—hospital and they almost sent me away because they didn't have a children's ward until they realized that i wouldn't have to stay the nigh#this too is barok torture which i always enjoy#thank you for your ask it was a smart and entertaining thought#dgs#barok van zieks#ask
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tulparty ¡ 1 month ago
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I get really frustrated with how things just pop up in tags even if you don't tag it, i just wanna blab about things sometimes
that being said, think the fact that the two most popular ships for Mouthwashing is Jimcurly and Curlya is just fucking hilarious to be honest because they're just like. Opposite ships to me. Cockroach and his beautiful Golden Retriever vs Cat and Dog synergy
#My feelings are opposite for them at least#Jimmy does not deserve to be with Curly. Curly deserves better#Anya does not deserve to be with Curly. She deserves better#I like jimcurly because. well. ''toxic yaoi.'' I could go on for hours about how fucked up their relationship is but in canon#I would want them to be 3 million lightyears away from each other. Curlya is way less toxic and I truly believe they're the#''Least problematic'' together of the entire tulpar crew. But I just hate them together as a ship#I get that Curly isn't the worst person ever(tm) but he 100 percent prioritized jimmy over her and her safety even if it was just ''1 day''#and talked about how he could ''fix'' things. She even tells him that she doesnt want jim around and he cuts her off and is more concerned#about Jimmy being mad. I know he couldn't do much but just reassuring Anya in that situation instead of immediately taking off is better#''Captain. I told you'' also digs deep. People think she was still being vague at that point but he knew exactly who and what she was-#talking about after saying that. He knew. He prioritized her rapist over her and her safety. Yes he was abused by jimmy but it still doesn'#change the fact that happened. Hurt people hurt people. And for that reason I'll just never ship them. but like. how many situations could#bring up for Jimcurly like that? Like I said. way more toxic of a ship. And you can see characters in different situations/aus and stuff to#Part of this is just seeing so many men like Curly prioritize men like Jimmy as someone who grew up AFAB. I think that's why it stings more#The entirety of Mouthwashing is the phrase ''hurt people hurt people'' man. I love this game#Mouthwashing
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seagullcharmer ¡ 4 months ago
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i really cannot overstate how much i love aradia btw. i don't talk abt her much but she is one of the blorbos of all time for me. she's everything.
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stopfunkinwmyheart ¡ 4 months ago
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a woman w a dog was like could u tell me where this is and I was like "as a matter of fact I can search it up on my phone here" and then I couldn't so I had to be like "actually nah good luck"
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dontmixpaintinyourcoffee ¡ 18 days ago
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This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved
(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)
Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!
He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.
He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.
At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)
The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.
The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.
Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.
Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D
I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.
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silkentine ¡ 7 months ago
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Me when they are the sisters ever: 😭😭😭 They came out soooo freaking well. I won’t lie, they took me a thousand years to finish but through the constant support from all of my buds (and my latent bisexuality), we made it 😤
Hopefully you guys know the deal by now: design choices, easter eggs, and (NEW!) closeup shots below the read more. ⬇️
I wanted Ace to have a very down-to-earth vibe and looked at Aussie beach-girls, coastal cowgirls, and vaqueras for reference. (IDK, I’ve just always envisioned Ace as part-Australian🌺 and Mexican 🏴‍☠️) Her clothing choices are mostly natural or utilitarian materials like the painted wooden beads on her top, her woven fabric and leather belts, and her denim jumpsuit. I gave her bikini top a zen-garden kind of feel because I read the first Ace’s Story Novel and I loved how idyllic and peaceful they made Sixis Island sound so I wanted to invoke that in some way.
Speaking of her painted wooden beads, they hang off the back of her top and represent her connection to Sabo and Luffy. They watch her back once she sets sail. She only wears one red glass bead earring because the other one got ripped out of her ear when a child, leaving her earlobe torn (don’t think about it too much 😢). Also, YES! she does wear a hibiscus flower just like Rouge (because I hate you and I want to make you cry, muhwahahahaha).
Also, I really wanted her to have super textured curly hair that licks behind her like flames. I am always considering whether or not a character should have long hair or not because I don’t want it to be a hindrance if they’re in a fight (or if they ARE a fighter with long hair, how to they avoid an enemy making use of that?). Ace is, of course, a Logia-type Devil Fruit User so I think she wouldn’t have trouble with people grabbing it LOL I get the feeling that she doesn’t take very good care of it even though it looks amazing. Like you’d think it would be soft and bouncy just by looking at it but if you ever get the chance to run your fingers through it, it’s a total rat’s nest and there’s sand and food all up in it. She still falls asleep while eating 😂 but she tries her best to only do it around people she can trust (woman moment ��).
Honestly, her design is not that different from Ace’s canon look. It feels really vital to Ace’s character to have a lot of skin showing. And he’s always hanging all over himself with his hips all cocked like the weight of the world is too much to stand up straight. It is certainly not my OWN preference to make her an absolute smoke show. That’s just the character, okay? (I’m partially lying and the proof is that I turned the emblem on Ace’s hat strap into a sternum tattoo for no other reason than that it is sexy af.)
Here are some closeups of Ace:
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Now for Sabo, I’ve made her very girly. I tried putting her in pants or something more militant but she told me that she’d wear the big poofy sleeves and hiked-up ruffled skirt. I think Sabo has always had a strong grasp on his fashion sense and individual flair and I truly believe that his personal style is one of the major influences for the rest of the Revolutionary Army resulting in the very flashy, queer, steampunk aesthetic (aside from Dragon’s plain-ass cloak). So of course I had to implement her nonconformist look when reimagining her as a woman and dress her up to the nines.
I’ve given her very ornate jewelry that is there to tell a story, even if she herself doesn’t know it. I like to think she picks up stuff from her travels that resonate with her, such as a damaged set of earrings with one stone missing or red cup-shaped shells featuring three nestled pearls. Another accessory that cannot go unmentioned is her dragon claw hat pin that keeps her top hat resting on top of her hair (and is definitely used as a weapon when the situation simply doesn’t call for trusty metal pipe). She also has a veil that obscures her prominent facial scar. I imagine she’s not very keen on the reminder of the incident from her childhood that took away her memories. I also kept her chipped toothed because 1) it’s fucking adorable and 2) is a visual reminder that she no longer aligns herself with the nobility who would have gotten such a thing fixed. She is so poised in almost every outward facet of her life from her dignified role as the Chief of Staff to the elegant materials in her clothing that it can be easy to forget she was also a rough and tumble forest dweller. Every time Koala remembers this, he lets out the biggest sigh.
Her hair is inspired by Gibson Girls and Elizabeth Swann from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I wanted it to be fussy and tidy but fall apart when she’s in moments of distress. For example, when she remembers her sisters, her hair starts to look like Ace’s flaming mane. I’m so in love with her, I think she looks like an adorable little porcelain doll that would fuck you up. I made an effort to keep her eyes a little bit manic. I get lost in her steely black orbs (and also Ace’s warm brown ones, but we’re talking about Sabo rn).
Here are her close-ups:
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Plot notes for this AU:
For this series of character designs, I wanted the expressions and outfits to be aligned with the canon plot but I don’t know if I have the heart to kill fem!Ace in my AU. I’m too attached and ASL has suffered enough!!!!! But Ace’s death is also a major defining moment for Luffy so it feels disingenuous to completely avoid it. Also a huge aspect of Sabo’s character is carrying on Ace’s will and I have so many thoughts about how the Dressrosa Colosseum scene would play out if they were all women. Oh well, I’ll cross that tragic bridge when I get to it. I’m definitely going to draw some Modern AU Girl Piece ASL though. They deserve to hang out with no stakes 😭 They are sisters!!!
Check out the tag “girl piece” on my blog for my other One Piece genderbends! 🥰
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citruslullabies ¡ 3 months ago
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THIS
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dykedvonte ¡ 3 months ago
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love seeing your takes on mouthwashing and how sane they are. everything's so black or white. I like how you acknowledge curlys abuse under jimmy (which I honestly didn't quite notice when I first watched a playthrough. should rewatch w this in mind) and how that very much doesn't "forgive" his inaction towards Anya and Her abuse under jimmy. I think what happens to him despite all his issues (bc he clearly wasn't OK 😊✌🏼) is very much karmic. I really did hurt huh
I hate the take that what happened to him is karmic as becoming disabled and being tortured is like not in any way an equal consequence for not taking more action against Jimmy. It is a consequence as is the whole game for everyone but it’s one that is very much established as being undeserved and extreme as everyone else’s but Jimmy’s fate.
Thank you for liking my takes but I also try to point out that this exact sort of framing of the events and what happened to Curly is bad especially if you are gonna factor in his own abuse into the equation of his inaction/ineffective acts. It’s like “saying yeah he deserved the abuse he was already going through to escalate because he didn’t do enough” which is like not a message the game tries to deliver at all. It’s like the game shows that abusers escalate
Karma and punishment are not concepts that I think should be directly tied to Curly’s fate especially since during the game and even in discussion he takes on too many consequences of someone else’s actions. Like this framing is the direct thing I describe taking the discussion away from Jimmy, P.E and the factors that created the environment in the first place.
#Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart for fictional characters that suffer but the fandom has a weird attachment to retribution#as if retribution is not a damning desire in the game like the game is about what happens when you#lack the capability to try and do better or go back on it and that is about all of them but mainly Jimmy and how it intensifies#the suffering of those around him like not saying Curly is excused but the think pieces about Curly make on whether he deserved it make it#sound like he was some empty headed dolt that didn’t know women faced oppression or had any issues of his own#and that he needed to be humbled to understand as if his toxic relationship with Jimmy is not an aspect in the forefront and his apathy in#life like becoming disabled isn’t karma yes his condition parallel Anya’s feeling but it’s also reveals all the way Jimmy was already#treating him poorly and how it got worse now that he had more power over him like again he harasses Anya still but noticed he takes out most#of his frustration on Curly now like idk what more I can say#I hate the idea someone deserves to be disabled and go through such a brutal experience comments like that are weird#like this is not an argument of Curly suffered too with Anya it is they are both suffering at all points with Jimmy#and it is not at all helpful to any conversation to try to scale and compare both their experiences against each other#but rather how they both reacted to Jimmy and how it affected how they handled/viewed everything pre and post crash#like I hope this hurts is likely a comment on the whole system that allowed it all to happen not specifically about any character or what#they did like it never did not hurt that’s the point none of the choices made felt good for anyone like sorry this is not about you anon#just the general sentiment of post crash curly and deserving cause by the logic people use then Swansea deserved to watch Daisuke suffer and#have to kill him because he didn’t kill Jimmy or support Anya better like it’s crazy to me#like yes represents him not being able to do more anymore but it is again pointed out to be unfair because of what resources they had#like he suffers due to P.Es restriction even when it comes to his care because they under supply them despite how long and dangerous#and isolating and short staffed their jobs are.#got a little heated sorry anon I just think the idea someone needs to suffer for what Jimmy did outside of Jimmy makes me mad#mainly because it’s never like realistic or just or acknowledges the facets of abuse#mouthwashing#ask#anon#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing
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surrender-souls ¡ 1 year ago
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actually got my hair cut so i can use it as drawing reference
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joycrispy ¡ 1 year ago
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I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.
Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."
Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.
Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.
Something like this:
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We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--
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--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.
But it turns out he was this:
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!!!
With his curly little--!!
And his neat white--!!
IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:
"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."
(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)
In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.
In sum...an innocent.
(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.
We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.
Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)
So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--
*checks notes*
--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.
...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.
All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?
He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.
That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...
...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.
Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."
And what reason does he give?
("I know you."
"You do not know me."
"I know the angel you were.")
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
("The angel you knew is not me."
But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)
tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.
'Innocence died screaming' and all that.
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toxycodone ¡ 1 month ago
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mouthwashing characters and their icks
ship. tulpar crew x reader
content. sfwish, just annoying things about our faves, some are romantic and some are general.
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Captain Curly
Wildly empathetic. Like to a point where it’s annoying. Like yes, you get it. It’s sad to see an animal on the side of the road. But this is the second dog this week and it’s bit him twice. (He also falls for like. Fake homeless scams. Omg.)
I think he had an era where he had a cat that fucking hated him and never ever left under the guest room bed and terrorized his guests but he didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. 💀
He always ends up playing devil’s advocate without trying. Like when you’re complaining about someone at work or some bitch who cut you off in traffic, Curly’s like “maybe they had a bad day!” or something.
He just…never lets you just wallow in your misery when you need to. When he starts with his “look on the bright side!” stuff it makes your eyes roll back into your skull.
Is soooooo fucking conflict avoidant he’d rather just take shit on the chin then ever speak his mind about things with you. It gets so bad bc he’s bottling all this crap up and getting kinda catty. Because he won’t just grow up and tell you what his problem is.
Comes home in his dirty ass shoes and tracks mud all over the house. I mean he’ll swiffer it up like the housewife he is but it’s annoying.
Doesn’t clean his hands before touching your phone (or his own) before eating,. U get a greasy screen.
Jimmy is an asshole to you and Curly just goes “now now, Jim…” It won’t be until Jimmy does something like. Really bad. That Curly decides to put his foot down and enforce boundaries with that man. You witness this dude literally use your man as a doormat way too often.
If you make him choose. He would probably choose Jim unless push really came to shove…..
GIRLS FLIRT WITH HIM IN PUBLIC AND HES TOO ‘AWKWARD’ TO SAY “I’m taken…” so he just flaunts in the attention. In reality he just…likes the attention but doesn’t want to admit it to himself. (He’s loyal don’t get me wrong but this is annoying)
Thinks big romantic public gestures are cute. Whether that is an ick or not is up to you.
Jimmy
GOES THROUGH YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP OR IN THE BATHROOM. And when you catch him he’s doesn’t even bother to make a good excuses “just wanted to check something.” Okay??? What?? If you go through his phone he will legit tackle you for it back (he isn’t even cheating he’s just pathetically bitchless and friendless. His last text was to his dealer and bro didn’t even respond.)
Will leave your important messages on read. It’s like he has read receipts on just to spite you.
Aggressively questions you out of the blue on who you know and hang out with as if it isn’t the same fucking people each time.
Really horny when he’s drunk and tries to seduce you but has terrible whiskey dick.
Terrible morning breath. Rank. Disgusting. Also all his clothes have the faint scent of stale cigarette smoke. Along with his carpet. And furniture. His walls are probably off-white too.
World’s dirtiest bathroom it’s literally so gross. He leaves his stubble in/around the sink after shaving with an electric razor real fast before work.
Has probably kissed you and then asked you what you last ate with a grimace 💔
Your friends hate him. Your family hates him. Your landlord hates him. And he hates them back.
You’ve had to bail him out of jail before. The officer on duty just gives you a pitied look when he sees you walk in and say you’re bailing him of all people out.
Pretty sure he has threatened to kill himself if you leave him multiple times but lashes out at you when you’re sweet to him at the most random times.
Anya
Stealing this from @l1v1ngd3dgrrl but Anya has the DUMBEST. LAUGH. Like she has a cutesy laugh until she’s finally not thinking and she laugh so hard she snorts. So loud.
Refuses to file down her nails so she accidentally scratches you all the time.
Definitely has an ex she’s still friends with that makes you lowkey question what is going on between them bc they’re obviously still into her and she doesn’t see it.
She silently judges and you can see it on her face when she has something to say but then she goes “it’s nothing!!!” And refuses to say it. (However, this does make her the best gossiper and she can be a total mean girl and tear apart bitches you hate on secret.)
Lowkey tries to psychoanalyze you when you’re venting to her like girl. I am not your homework.
Thinks it’s her responsibility to “fix you” for some reason. Takes you being depressed, angry, etc a little too personally.
Never watches the movies or shows you recommend you have sit her down and watch it w her. And she will. Be distracted by stuff on her phone.
Avid Mitski fan. And Nora Jones. Just an air of sad girl and longing to her that goes soooo crazy.
Big fan of ugly sweaters and tacky matching outfits….but has the audacity to make comments on your style.
Daisuke
“This one’s for you!” *Misses*. In public. In front of your friends. Need I say more.
Uses your hair products in the shower and your soap and your nice shaving oil without asking. :/
This is moreso in the beginning of the relationship but. I see this persisting that he’s constantly looking to you for approval for things. Has a really difficult time making decisions on his own, too. He’s looking to you for guidance on stuff,
Unironically thinks Dutch ovening you is funny.
Your friends all think he’s mid and although he’s sweet. You’re way outta his league. You’re dating down.
Has more skin care products than he can ever use. He’s a total product junkie.
GACHA GAME WHALE. Has definitely borrowed money for a ten pull in genshin 💔
Has cried out of frustration over Fortnite before (he was in a bad place. Okay.)
Cannot keep a job for the life of him. The only solid career he lands is like. Bobarista. But goddamn he’s good at it.
Has. Forgotten your anniversary/birthday/etc. before. and probably almost threw up out of guilt.
Swansea
Does the dad cold start every morning. Hacking. Coughing. Spitting up in the sink. It’s gross.
When he takes a shit he’s stuck in the bathroom for like half an hour at least. It’s always oddly humid and gross if you go in after him.
Chews with his mouth open.
Walks around shirtless only in underwear and will proudly fart whenever he needs to and it’s loud as fuck.
His kids lowkey hate him tbh. 💀 they have a better relationship as adults but man. Rocky fucking childhood.
Nothing ever really makes him satisfied or truly happy so you’re stuck in this weird limbo on if he actually gives a shit about you or not.
Rolls his eyes at you. When you can plainly sees he has suuuuch an attitude problem it’s crazy.
Definitely has asked for a manager in your presence over something minuscule (you wanted to die)
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yappingwitch ¡ 4 months ago
Text
Say It Ain't So
pairing - Virgin!James Potter x fem!reader
summary - James busts a fat one. Porn with glimpses of plot. Maybe.
warnings - 18+ mdni, smut, awkwardness, James is a desperate virgin in this one, hence the weezer title, premature ejaculation, handjob (m receiving), one sided enemies to ???, slight m sub/f dom dynamics if you squint, legs
wordcount - 1.6k
disclaimer - english is my second language. Don't hesitate to correct me!
You hated James Potter.
Your dislike well-known among your friends, none of them dared to ever mention him anymore, fearing another long-winded rant from you. Remembering when the lot of you would stay up after curfew, sharing gossip and talking about your crushes. All of them gasped when you casually shared your feelings about the headboy after they spent what felt like hours gushing about him. Proceeding to list of every single thing wrong with the guy, making your friends regret ever bringing him up.
Did he have beautiful curly hair you just wanted to run your fingers through? Brilliant hazel eyes in which mischief was ever-present? Pretty plump lips, his slightly crooked, overly confident smirk always on them? Well, yes, you could admit that much. But as soon as he opened his mouth, you couldn’t care less about how pretty it was. He'd always disrupt the lessons, the golden boy having no filter or capability to raise his hand, always yelling the answers out or talking loudly with his posse during dinner, unable to control his volume and barely having to face any consquences for his obnoxious nature.
So when Slughorn, who aside from his quirky nature, you quite liked, decided to pair you both together for the last project of the year, you were fuming. At least internally. Your prideful nature and pureblood customs instilled in you by your parents forced you to keep a blank face, only briefly smiling at the teacher when he uttered your name after James', swallowing your rage.
Shortly after class ended, as you were packing your things after quickly finishing your notes, you suddenly heard one of the old wooden chairs in front of you creak. Looking up at the noise, you saw a certain Gryffindor already staring back, a stupid smirk on his face like always, the air of confidence around him ever-present.
“So…,” James started absent-mindedly going through your notes, but you quickly interrupted whatever he was about to say.
“I’ll take care of the project by myself. Can’t have you messing up my grades,” you simply stated, ripping your notes from his hands, frowning at the way he had smudged the last of your sentence. Ignoring your frown, he loudly exclaimed, “Hey! My grades are stellar.” He tapped his finger against his chest, where his perfect badge was. “They don’t give them away for nothing, you know?”
“I also don’t like you,” you said after a moment of silence, standing up and slinging your bag over your shoulder, quickly walking out.
But he wouldn't let up, following you all the way to the Great Hall, pestering you until you finally snapped right by the Slytherin table.
“Saturday, library, after lunch. No word from you until then,” you almost yelled, your face twisting in anger. Noticing the other Slytherins' snickers, you quickly composed yourself, swallowing your anger. He, oblivious as always, smiled widely, ignoring your state and simply basking in the glory of having won this little duel of words.
Saturday approached faster than you would’ve liked, dreading the obnoxious boy's presence already. But you approached the surprisingly empty library anyway, not one to go back on your word. You frowned slightly, looking around, realizing even the librarian must have taken the day off. Sighing, you called out to James; he was already there, notes and textbooks scattered about. He quickly jumped up from his chair, beaming like always, until his gaze drifted down, his usual aura of self-assurance dwindling a little.
“What are you wearing?” he asked, mouth hanging slightly agape.
You looked down; you were wearing a simple skirt and long-sleeved top, not too different from what you usually wore in your free time. Confused, you lifted your head again, his gaze quickly following, being previously trained on your bare legs. Realizing he had been caught, a blush appeared on his cheeks as he plopped unceremoniously down, coughing awkwardly and focusing on the books laying before him.
“Weirdo,” you stated, disinterest evident, just wanting this project to be over with. But what you saw once you reached the table he was sitting at piqued your interest suddenly. Looking down, a prominent bulge had formed in the front of his pants, straining against the material. A book was quickly tossed over it, but it was too late.
“You’re such a skeeze. Who gets hard from looking at a girl's legs?” you asked, amused, not really expecting an answer, just continuing to stare him down, enjoying watching the high-and-mighty golden boy begin to tremble under your intense gaze.
“..they are your legs,” he mumbled, blush only deepening as his eyes stayed glued to the table.
This made you laugh out loud, gasping for air.
“Are you a virgin or something? Bloody hell,” you huffed out between laughs, a single tear escaping your eye at the comical twist your day had taken.
James didn't reply, groaning in embarrassment and continuing to hold the book tightly over his lap.
“Cat got your tongue?” you said, still smirking but finally having calmed down. “I didn’t even know you were capable of zipping it.”
This seemed to push him over the edge; he picked up his bag and shoved everything in with lightning speed, until suddenly he froze, hearing your next sentence.
“I can help you out if you want,” you said, a mischievous smile adorning your pretty face, putting his own to shame.
All he got out was a quick “huh,” as you pounced, wordlessly pushing him back down onto the chair. He looked up through his glasses, his eyes wide, the cute blush still evident on his face. Fuck.
“You are so pretty,” you whispered aloud before pressing your mouth against his. Short and sweet. It was almost romantic, the way he gently started to move his mouth and the lovestruck look on his face once you pulled away.
He eagerly leaned forward again, knocking his nose against yours before trying again, this time slower, aiming properly while the book he had previously clenched in his lap dropped to the floor with a thud. He opted to instead take hold of your hips, almost moaning at the feeling of the warmth of your skin touching his, slightly poking out from the bottom of your shirt. You, in turn, moved your hand that gripped the curls at the back of his neck slowly down his chest, delicate fingers grasping at the painful bulge in his pants. This made James quickly pull away, a loud moan leaving his now reddened lips as he grasped your wrist, stopping your movement.
“I-” he gasped out. “I-I’m waiting for the right person.”
He regretted talking the second the words left his mouth, seeing you roll your eyes at him, laughing a little at the bizarre turn of events, moving to remove your hand nonetheless.
He quickly went to grasp at your wrist again, pulling it toward his crotch once more, his body moving on its own.
“You need to make up your mind, pretty boy,” you said softly, looking at him amused.
“You know…,” you started after he continued to be silent, he in turn looked up at you through his lashes, blushing, his glasses a little crooked and a dorky smile on his lips, hearing your voice again. “Maybe I’m not the right person… but… I could be your right hand,” you finished, slightly averting your eyes, cringing at your words.
He didn't notice, though, too lost in need for release; he eagerly nodded his head. You laughed a little, removing his grip on your arm and moving to open the Gryffindor's trousers, just enough for you to pull his now hard member out, precum already coating his tip, while pressing another sweet kiss to his lips. Disconnecting from him once more, you lifted your right hand, holding it up to James' face expectantly.
“Spit,” you commanded, and the boy obliged without a second thought.
One long, loud moan left his mouth as your hand slowly moved against his cock, brushing your thumb over the head, gently mixing the precum with his spit, spreading it all over his length. You moved to press kisses to his bobbing throat, his head thrown back in pleasure, as you started to move your hand up and down in a steady rhythm, sucking a small purple spot onto his neck, his gasps and groans only getting louder.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” James repeated over and over like a prayer, lost in pleasure. You lifted your head, stopping your assault on his neck, to look at his scrunched-up face, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open. You couldn't help but stare, the glaring noon sun shining in through the stained glass and making his skin almost appear to glow, colors of the rainbow dancing around his face, sweat bullets forming on his forehead like little diamonds. Fuck. He really was—
“Pretty,” you mumbled, pushing James over the edge-a string of curses leaving him as he came undone over your hand, specks of it staining your skirt all the way to your pretty legs, the reason all of this started in the first place.
He continued to gasp, trying to catch his breath and gasping out apologies for the mess. You silently tugged him back into his pants, amused at the wet spot adorning his own lower half.
You wiped your hand on his pants before zipping him up. Wordlessly, you pressed a kiss to his cheek, swiftly turning around, ready to go take a shower after the ordeal.
“Wait,” you paused in your steps, glancing back at James. “D-do… you… want… to,” he started, before pausing again, finally catching his breath. “Do you want to go to Hogsmeade… with me?”
You glanced ahead, continuing on your path without replying to the desperate boy, only flashing him a quick smirk.
Maybe you didn't hate him after all.
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