#yes i also hate curly
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mouthwashing is a special experience because not only do you get to watch characters not take responsibility and not expect men in power to do anything to help women in the game, but you also get to watch the same reaction play out in real time in the fandom
#mouthwashing#yes i also hate curly#hes better than jimmy sure but it dont mean hes a good person lol and i dont feel bad for him that he got cooked#or that jimmy treats him like shit#like oh nooo its the consequences of ur actions#its an extreme yea but its a video game so sometimes art is extreme to visualize a point#can not believe people r like ‘what could curly have done’#um. believed her. put a lock on her door. suggest she sleep in med bay which has a lock#not be buddies with jimmy. keep an eye on him. file a report to the company.#etc. etc.#nothing would fix it and some of this would fall on deaf ears and some of this might not work but at least#itd show to anya that u cared and that u tried#can not believe i had to type out suggestions at all. u people are seriously helpless#like did u miss the 10 Take Responsibility flashing cards in the game#or were u too busy being blinded by how curly is a conventionally attractive white man
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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Why do I keep seeing posts taking about everyone dying on the ship and Curly being put in the cryopod by J*mmy? Is this a popular AU?
Am I the only one who remembers the CANON ending where Pony Express is shut down for bad working conditions before the search parties are sent out, who find the crew after they’ve a been stranded for about two months? (“Unfortunately” they couldn’t get there before J*mmy fell down the stairs and snapped his neck)
Where they immediately bring Curly to a hospital while the rest of the crew stay nearby and start booking therapy appointments? Anya had an abortion and started medical school, Curly is getting fitted for prosthetics, and the whole crew (minus J*mmy) visits or calls him AT THE VERY LEAST weekly. (The crew was compensated with a lot of money so they don’t need to find a job for a while)
Anya and Curly had a heart-to-heart about how his actions (or lack thereof) affected her, and are trying to rebuild trust together. Swansea continued to mentor Daisuke (not officially, more like teaching him mechanical things when they come to mind) during their free time, and are trying to find a new direction in life.
J*mmy’s actions came to light, and no one showed up to his funeral other than the crew so they could throw tomato’s at his grave and talk shit during the eulogies.
HOW DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEMBER THIS!?!?!?
#mouthwashing#yes I’m in denial#and they were rescued just as Jimmy was giving curly the pills#bc it’s fun to hurt my fav characters#no hate towards curly rn#I just think it adds to the story and parallels#au#mouthwashing au#good ending#let me have my happy ending#please#also#recovering post ending curly is literally my favorite thing ever#I love seeing fanart like it#today someone made an animation on YouTube called twenty years later#it’s so good#it’s also on tumblr#text post#curly#Anya#Jimmy#j*mmy#daisuke#Swansea#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#captain curly
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welcome to another one of my favorite things of all time: horror games :]
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing jimmy#cw blood#cw body horror#FINALLY i have an excuse to draw something horror related#anyways hello guys yes here's my first public horror art piece this will not be the last of it :)#my art#fanart#doodles#also i hate jimmy my actual favorite characters are anya and daisuke but this idea came to my head#xiakeik arts
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how does it feel to be ancient and old?
(both ooc and in character. (yes i'm barely a few years younger, still ancient.))
(obligatory /nm This is NOT meant to be insulting. take this as a joke 🔥)
Curly laughs weakly. "That's...not really something I can answer. I think I'm a bit too young for that." Of course, that doesn't stop him from feeling his age more with each passing week, it seems like. He stays in good shape, but hearing Daisuke's slang and watching how energetic he is, realizing he doesn't remember when he stopped being that full of life, himself... He always thought aging would be a piece of cake, but now that 40 is coming closer and closer, he's increasingly uncomfortable with the idea for reasons he can't even put into words.
#captain curly#captain's log#answers you may not want to hear to questions you probably didn't ask#mod: ah yes the creeping fear of death and the existential dread of how many more decades you'll spend in a job you hate#mod: somebody get this man some therapy lol#mod: ya boi is only 31 but I feel him too since my body is extra broken#mod: also you're good pal people have said much worse to him and we're here for that on this blog lol
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i really cannot overstate how much i love aradia btw. i don't talk abt her much but she is one of the blorbos of all time for me. she's everything.
#skaia.txt#i will always love aradia. they could never make me hate aradia.#yes some of it is the deep 'she reminds me of how there's always hope despite depression'#and some of it is rising up to get revenge on those who hurt you (make her pay)#and some of it is she is just a silly (f)larper who was in it for fun not glory#and also she has a great smile! i love her big smile!!!#the panel where she's alive and like 'yeah idc i just wanna see how it all ends :D' (or well 0u0)#and also she's aries and i'm an aries so <3#i got a long curly black wig maybe i'll cosplay her one day.........
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THIS
#so while I love Curly and the others besides Jimmy#this is true.#I just hate Jimmy the most because.. yknow. a rapist.#but no one did anything to help Anya#And this is gonna be me ranting so hold on#I love how the game does this#it shows the vulnerability of a woman surrounded by men.#“oh he wouldn't do that! im friends with him I know he wouldn't”#but he would.#“oh but think about his future”#but what about mine?? why should he get to go on scot-free while I suffer?#and thats what Anya's pregnancy represents. A thing growing from his wrongdoing and her being unable to fight back#her pregnancy is a mark that will stay forever and haunt her#but no one around her seems to care/and or doesnt do anything about it. certainly not Jimmy but also the others#I wont ramble anymore but yes this game is a psychological horror game that represents the horrors of rape and I think you should really#-check it out its super good#ALSO ONE LAST THING i love how they keep Curly alive at the end#to represent how a lot of bystanders feel with the constant guilt and regret of being able to do something about it but not doing anything.#THATS ALL#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing horror game#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing analysis#captain curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#anya deserved so much more
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a woman w a dog was like could u tell me where this is and I was like "as a matter of fact I can search it up on my phone here" and then I couldn't so I had to be like "actually nah good luck"
#it was a thicc curly brown poodle#this other guy told me this story about ripping somebody off or something#he said he's laying cable for somebody and orders this $3k cable but it was like 40 feet short#the cable plug or somebody told him like ye itz gonna be 3k or u could just put this box in tha dirt n connect it#“then the guy tells me tha box is only $300 n hey...”#“it wont be my problem...”#and then he said something like “that's alright” almost like trying to affirm himself but also like begging for validation it was crazy#I hate when people will tell me something awful n try to get me to be like “totally man that's regular” but maybe it's a me thing#it reminded me of tha crackhead wendys manager doubling back 2 say “that's not cheating” about driving thru 2 lower order times#obv very different scenarios but the vibe they both gave me in searching for validation in their fuckery#just leave me out of it bor....................
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actually got my hair cut so i can use it as drawing reference
#well i got it cut cause i hate my hair being too long (NO ONE CAN SEE MY EARRINGS!!! a shame)#but i realized i can use it as reference for christopher mills cause#its short and its curly. fuck yes.#i know his hair is curly i can see it in his polygons because i love him#i feel like ive also been improving at drawing garcian#cause i drew him without reference during class today and his face didnt look fucked up!#kaede is easiest for me to draw. this is just gonna be me ranking killer7 characters by how easy i can draw them rn#harman. i need to work on hats. also check out his face a bit more#i speak
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Me when they are the sisters ever: 😭😭😭 They came out soooo freaking well. I won’t lie, they took me a thousand years to finish but through the constant support from all of my buds (and my latent bisexuality), we made it 😤
Hopefully you guys know the deal by now: design choices, easter eggs, and (NEW!) closeup shots below the read more. ⬇️
I wanted Ace to have a very down-to-earth vibe and looked at Aussie beach-girls, coastal cowgirls, and vaqueras for reference. (IDK, I’ve just always envisioned Ace as part-Australian🌺 and Mexican 🏴☠️) Her clothing choices are mostly natural or utilitarian materials like the painted wooden beads on her top, her woven fabric and leather belts, and her denim jumpsuit. I gave her bikini top a zen-garden kind of feel because I read the first Ace’s Story Novel and I loved how idyllic and peaceful they made Sixis Island sound so I wanted to invoke that in some way.
Speaking of her painted wooden beads, they hang off the back of her top and represent her connection to Sabo and Luffy. They watch her back once she sets sail. She only wears one red glass bead earring because the other one got ripped out of her ear when a child, leaving her earlobe torn (don’t think about it too much 😢). Also, YES! she does wear a hibiscus flower just like Rouge (because I hate you and I want to make you cry, muhwahahahaha).
Also, I really wanted her to have super textured curly hair that licks behind her like flames. I am always considering whether or not a character should have long hair or not because I don’t want it to be a hindrance if they’re in a fight (or if they ARE a fighter with long hair, how to they avoid an enemy making use of that?). Ace is, of course, a Logia-type Devil Fruit User so I think she wouldn’t have trouble with people grabbing it LOL I get the feeling that she doesn’t take very good care of it even though it looks amazing. Like you’d think it would be soft and bouncy just by looking at it but if you ever get the chance to run your fingers through it, it’s a total rat’s nest and there’s sand and food all up in it. She still falls asleep while eating 😂 but she tries her best to only do it around people she can trust (woman moment 😔).
Honestly, her design is not that different from Ace’s canon look. It feels really vital to Ace’s character to have a lot of skin showing. And he’s always hanging all over himself with his hips all cocked like the weight of the world is too much to stand up straight. It is certainly not my OWN preference to make her an absolute smoke show. That’s just the character, okay? (I’m partially lying and the proof is that I turned the emblem on Ace’s hat strap into a sternum tattoo for no other reason than that it is sexy af.)
Here are some closeups of Ace:
Now for Sabo, I’ve made her very girly. I tried putting her in pants or something more militant but she told me that she’d wear the big poofy sleeves and hiked-up ruffled skirt. I think Sabo has always had a strong grasp on his fashion sense and individual flair and I truly believe that his personal style is one of the major influences for the rest of the Revolutionary Army resulting in the very flashy, queer, steampunk aesthetic (aside from Dragon’s plain-ass cloak). So of course I had to implement her nonconformist look when reimagining her as a woman and dress her up to the nines.
I’ve given her very ornate jewelry that is there to tell a story, even if she herself doesn’t know it. I like to think she picks up stuff from her travels that resonate with her, such as a damaged set of earrings with one stone missing or red cup-shaped shells featuring three nestled pearls. Another accessory that cannot go unmentioned is her dragon claw hat pin that keeps her top hat resting on top of her hair (and is definitely used as a weapon when the situation simply doesn’t call for trusty metal pipe). She also has a veil that obscures her prominent facial scar. I imagine she’s not very keen on the reminder of the incident from her childhood that took away her memories. I also kept her chipped toothed because 1) it’s fucking adorable and 2) is a visual reminder that she no longer aligns herself with the nobility who would have gotten such a thing fixed. She is so poised in almost every outward facet of her life from her dignified role as the Chief of Staff to the elegant materials in her clothing that it can be easy to forget she was also a rough and tumble forest dweller. Every time Koala remembers this, he lets out the biggest sigh.
Her hair is inspired by Gibson Girls and Elizabeth Swann from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I wanted it to be fussy and tidy but fall apart when she’s in moments of distress. For example, when she remembers her sisters, her hair starts to look like Ace’s flaming mane. I’m so in love with her, I think she looks like an adorable little porcelain doll that would fuck you up. I made an effort to keep her eyes a little bit manic. I get lost in her steely black orbs (and also Ace’s warm brown ones, but we’re talking about Sabo rn).
Here are her close-ups:
Plot notes for this AU:
For this series of character designs, I wanted the expressions and outfits to be aligned with the canon plot but I don’t know if I have the heart to kill fem!Ace in my AU. I’m too attached and ASL has suffered enough!!!!! But Ace’s death is also a major defining moment for Luffy so it feels disingenuous to completely avoid it. Also a huge aspect of Sabo’s character is carrying on Ace’s will and I have so many thoughts about how the Dressrosa Colosseum scene would play out if they were all women. Oh well, I’ll cross that tragic bridge when I get to it. I’m definitely going to draw some Modern AU Girl Piece ASL though. They deserve to hang out with no stakes 😭 They are sisters!!!
Check out the tag “girl piece” on my blog for my other One Piece genderbends! 🥰
#girl piece#one piece#one piece fanart#genderbend#portgas d ace#revolutionary sabo#ace#sabo#fem ace#fem sabo#fire fist ace#flame emperor sabo#asl brothers#asl sisters#op fanart#character design#cowgirl#steampunk#marineford spoilers#dressrosa spoilers#girl piece original design
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I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.
Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."
Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.
Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.
Something like this:
We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--
--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.
But it turns out he was this:
!!!
With his curly little--!!
And his neat white--!!
IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:
"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."
(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)
In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.
In sum...an innocent.
(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.
We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.
Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)
So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--
*checks notes*
--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.
...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.
All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?
He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.
That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...
...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.
Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."
And what reason does he give?
("I know you."
"You do not know me."
"I know the angel you were.")
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
("The angel you knew is not me."
But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)
tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.
'Innocence died screaming' and all that.
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break up with your boyfriend, ellie williams
pairing: bestfriend!ellie x afab, curly haired,bi!reader (college au)
chapter: one shot (8k words whoops my finger slipped got my asd diagnosis today lol ig that explains that) proofread but if there's errors idk what to tell u
warnings: explicit sexual content, 18+ so minors dni, subish!ellie, loserlesbian ellie, poc friendly!! drug mentions, marijuana usage, friends to lovers, angst?? ellie gets her coochie ate, so does reader, fingering, ✂️✂️, all that good stuff, they essentially worship each other, cheating (not by reader but sus behaviours n thoughts fs) (tw::: men bf’s a dickspawn imsorry) homophobia.
summary: you have a horrible boyfriend, ellie’s always hated him.
a/n: full word vomit im sorry if its ass but also i kinda lost my composure writing this 🤭🫣😵💫
AS ALWAYS FUCK DRUCKMANN AND ALL ZIONISTS, resources for Palestine and the daily click linked on my pinned post!
**
You were tired, drained. Hours had passed and you and your boyfriend were still at it. Angry words and misunderstood sentences all throughout the day had resulted in yet another fight between you.
"Dean, I've said it so many times, I can't go through it again,"
Dean, your boyfriend of a few months had a rocky track record, from keeping in close contact with his ex, to not telling interested girls that he's not single. The situation was always the same, you'd express your discomfort with something and he'd get angry, defensive. Then, eventually after so much arguing would get you to 'realise' that it's no big deal, that you shouldn't have reacted that way at all and in fact, you should apologise to him for making him feel like a cheater.
You had considered breaking up with him, so many times, in fact. Yet, you simply couldn't bring yourself to do it, still holding out with hope that things will improve.
"Baby, I swear nothing is going on, she's just my friend."
"Fine, okay." You ceased, feeling mentally drained by hours of conflict, "I have to go, need to meet Ellie, we have that test soon."
"You're leaving?" Dean said, clearly still agitated and pumping from the fight,
"Yes, Dean," you sighed, glancing in the mirror to double-check that your makeup hadn't been ruined from the previous crying, "I told you, this exam is really important," In other words, you have more things to be worrying about than your issues with him.
Gathering your books and piling them into your tote bag, you felt Dean's eyes on you, silently steaming as he saw you pick up your books.
"I'll see you later," Without looking back, you grabbed your keys from the side of the door and headed out.
He always had a problem with Ellie, which you couldn't understand, she was always supportive and kind to you. What reason would he have to dislike her?
You had been friends ever since that first physics class three years ago, you had sat in the row in front of her, over fifteen minutes into the lecture had passed until you felt a tap at your shoulder. Turning, you were greeted with green eyes and a smiling face adorned with light freckles.
"Hey, you got a spare pen?" She looked bashful, almost embarrassed that she hadn't been prepared even for the first class of the year. A half smile was placed on her lips. Amused, you gladly handed her a pen, pleased that you had an abundance of pens neglected at the bottom of your tote bag. You were always prepared, just not the most organised.
At the end of the lecture, she tried to hand you back the pen, but you refused and insisted she kept it, was she planning on asking someone for every class she had? That was just inefficient.
When you wouldn't accept the pen back, she ripped out a rough square from a page of her notebook, scribbling her number quickly so she could pay you back for the pen.
You had been friends ever since, there was something that just worked. She had been there long before Dean and you would be damned if he was to get in the way of your friendship.
You had reached Dina and Ellie's place, they both shared the accommodation whilst you lived in a one-bed en-suite in a dorm. Dean lived at his fraternity, which you always hated going to meaning you spent most of the time at your place instead.
Knocking, you only waited for a few seconds until the door swung open, revealing Ellie, clad in a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. The open door had caused a draught to haze through the air, the faint scent of smoke and music softly playing at a low volume.
"Hey, you." She spoke, smiling that usual smile that was seemingly tattooed on her lips. Ellie moved out of the doorway to let you in, closing the door behind you as you stepped into the familiar, comforting living room.
"Hey," your tone must have not been well received, as it prompted a,
"Well, what's gotten into you?"
"I've had the worst day, Dean-" you were interrupted by a slightly exaggerated groan, with an added,
"What has he done this time?"
"Ellie.." you sighed, dropping your tote from your shoulder and to the floor, kneeling down to pull out your books and pens.
"I'm serious," she threw her hands up, leaning against the edge of the desk where her work had been all set out already, "He's always up to some bullshit."
Ellie was confused, annoyed actually as you explained the situation to her. In her head, as a lesbian, the solution to these kinds of issues was so, so obvious to her; break up with him, he's not worth it. She had repeated this rhetoric to many of her men-loving friends, all of which refused to listen to her only to turn out heartbroken in the end, anyway.
"I wasn't exactly being rational either," you tried to explain, not that you were making excuses for him, but you felt a certain need to defend your relationship with Ellie. She was always so judgemental of the people you dated. You knew deep down that it was her way of looking out for you, she had consistently been the one to bring you comfort during your relationship breakdowns. And there had been a few of them.
"Don't do that, that's exactly what he wants," She spoke sympathetically, her words very soft considering that, mentally she was currently fighting Dean, and winning.
What was wrong with these guys? Ellie thought, you had dated some specimens before, but this new fraternity bro, Dean? She couldn't stand him.
Seemingly fuelled by his returned distaste towards her, but she knew the real reason why.
He was a pig. Flirting with any girl that'd give him attention, Ellie had caught him at parties with drunk girls hanging off his arms, inches away from their faces, centimetres away from cheating. Only for him to charm his way out of it when you confronted him. It pained her to see you go through this, especially when there were so many options out there. Like her, for example.
To be frank, Ellie's asking for that pen three years ago hadn't been entirely innocent. Whilst, it wasn't a lie per se, as she did, in fact, not have a pen on her first day, making her feel like the worst student on the planet.
She had taken notice of you when you first walked into that physics class. Eyeliner, framing the outer corners of your eyes and tight curly hair that lay perfectly around your face caught her attention. You were so beautiful, she knew she had to talk to you.
As you two had gotten to know each other over those first few months, her little crush had evolved from simple attraction to a full-blown, 'would rip the sun out of the sky if it meant seeing you smile', feelings situation. Whilst her initial intention had been to try and flirt a little bit, over time (really didn't take that long) Ellie realised that you were something special. The bond and groove you had as platonic friends was too great to risk ruining it all. So she decided, her feelings shouldn't be the thing to damage it. Ellie being Ellie, didn't know how to deal with said feelings, so she had made a pact with herself to never act on them, never expect anything other than platonic behaviour on your part, and never, ever let you find out. So whilst you dated, so did she.
"Anyways, can we talk about, literally anything else now? Like our exam that we have in a few days, perhaps?" You hummed, kicking your shoes off and sprawling on her couch, reaching down into your bag for something you had saved for this exact moment.
"Right, 'cos studying is the reason why you're laying dead on my couch right now." Ellie chuckled, joining you and holding your legs up to settle her body on the couch as well, before placing your legs on top of her lap.
"What are you even looking for?"
"Just wait, you'll see." You responded, still rooting through the bag, god where is it?
"Well, not if you can't find it in that damn bag, how do you even find anything in those?"
"Shut up," you chuckled, feeling better already. That's something you loved about Ellie, no matter what would happen to you, a few minutes with her and you'd feel like you had taken uppers.
"Ah, finally," you breathed out, fishing out a single joint that had become embarrassingly bent in the trauma that is, being an object lost inside the bottom of a tote bag.
Ellie laughed when her eyes caught sight of the bent joint, rubbing her eyes as they started to tear from the entertainment.
"You didn't have to go through that much effort to pull out that monster, plus you know I always have enough here, we don't need to smoke yours."
"It may look unfortunate, but this is the best shit in town right now." You tried to sell, "Got it from Xav,"
"Xav? How did you manage that?"
"One of Dean's frat brothers put in a huge order with him and sold me some, thought I'd save it so we could smoke it together."
"You truly know the way to my heart," Ellie gushed, before leaning over your legs, to grab the closest ashtray and a lighter, passing it to you, roller's rights, after all.
"This doesn't look like studying, though," Ellie spoke, eyes falling to your lips as they wrapped over the end of the joint, sparking and taking a drag. She excused her thoughts.
"I just want some peace before I have to focus on work, you know?" You said, exhaling out the smoke.
Ellie sighed, knowing Dean was truly taking a toll on you, she watched as your face fell, obviously being reminded of the previous events. She wishes there was more she could do, how many times could she say leave him, before it sounded too obvious? Too pushy? Too out of line?
"Fuck him, don't worry about that for now. You're with me, this is a Dean-free zone." Ellie cheered, taking the lit joint as you passed it to her.
You felt her fingers trail random lines and shapes on your leg as she smoked, probably not even aware she was doing it. It was comfortable and set off a wave of sleepiness to hit you.
Ellie passed you the joint back,
"You going to that party tonight?" She asked,
"I don't know, I think Dean wants to go but I was planning on sitting this one out,"
"Why don't you come? Dina and Jesse will also be there, so you don't have to spend the whole party with him,"
"Fine, only because I haven't seen Dina and Jesse for a while,"
"I can live with that," she chuckled.
Deciding you were no longer comfy in that position, you lifted your legs up off Ellie, before manoeuvring your body so that you were sat side by side. Passing the joint back to her, you rested your head on her shoulder. What you didn't notice was Ellie's visible tensing the second you laid your head on her.
It wasn't like it was unusual behaviour from you, yet she reacted like this every time.
"What do you think of it?"
"Fuck yeah, it's good," she swallowed, head turning to glance over at you resting your head comfortably on her shoulder, "You falling asleep down there?"
"No..." you mumbled, your voice visibly getting quieter as you were getting sleepier. You were just so tired. Constant arguing with Dean, working or studying. You needed a break, plus Ellie had a habit of being super comfortable to nap on.
"You sure?"
"No..."
"It's alright, have a nap, we’ll study later."
Ellie chuckled, she continued smoking the joint to its ends, relaxed by the sound of your breathing as you fell asleep. She took the opportunity to observe you for a minute, you looked peaceful, a hell of a lot more peaceful than you were when you first entered. She wished that you could always be that content, at peace. Ellie wanted you to be happy, whether with her or not, she just didn't want you so stressed and drained by yet another unhealthy relationship.
It was then she took time to think, how messy the situation had truly become.
—
After your nap, you and Ellie actually did finally study, spending a few hours going over the course material and sharing notes. With a few distractions here and there, but successful nonetheless.
You were back at home, Dean seemingly long gone back to his own place, as you got yourself dressed for this party. Texting Ellie that you were ready, you awaited her knock on your door, as your place was a bit closer to the party you decided you'd make your way there together and you'd crash back at your house later.
Once she arrived, you two made your way to the party, it was in the next block of student accommodation, so it was only a quick walk.
Before long, you had reached the party, greeted by its loudness with thumping music and loud chatter.
"It's fucking packed," you complained, already nervous. The bass of the loud music echoing in your chest, exacerbating the anxiety you felt.
"It will be okay, let's go find Dina and Jesse,"
It took a few glances to land on them but they had been settled in a corner with two other girls. One with short black hair and the other with long, blonde hair.
Making your way towards them, Dina spotted you and Ellie and eagerly waved you guys over to their spot.
"Bitch! Where have you been?" Dina questioned, and truly it had been an unreasonable amount of time since you'd seen her, which is weird considering how often you were at her and Ellie's place.
"Don't get me started," you sighed, whilst smiling at her and wrapping your arms around her.
"Well, it's good to see you, we missed you!" Gesturing towards herself and Jesse, who took his cue to also greet you.
Dina introduced you to her friends who were also sitting with them, the one with black hair was introduced as Cat, and the blonde was called Abby.
They were nice but you weren't too sure about the dark-haired one, she seemed a bit standoffish to you, only, but welcoming and friendly to everyone else in your group, and especially to Ellie. You noted it and placed the thought at the back of your head for dissection later.
In the ten minutes you had been there, Dean had spotted you and walked over. Causing an eye roll to come from Ellie,
"Hey, you're here!" He was drunk, words slurred and eyes heavily lidded. How much had he already had to drink?
Wrapping his arms around your waist, and nuzzling his face into your neck, the scent of alcohol lingered on him and you found that you didn't want him to be that close to you.
Your eyes met Ellie's briefly before she quickly looked away and took a long sip from her cup, which had been filled up with some vodka and whiskey mixed with some chaser by Dina. She turned her head away from you and began talking to Cat, faces a lot closer than most people.
You tore your eyes away from their interaction, turning to face Dean.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Dean shrugged, too incapacitated to care too much before making his way back to some of his frat brothers. Yuck.
You were making your way to the bathroom, hoping to find the right door, but you weren't successful the first time, the second or the third. You were starting to wonder how many goddamn rooms were in this place until you finally reached it, and it was of course labelled with a stupid little diy frat sticker that said 'bathroom' featuring other, more immature graffiti. Apt, you thought.
The light was on but the door was slightly ajar, thinking nothing of it you walked in believing it to be empty. The room was also, of course, occupied. You mentally laughed at your own bad luck as you saw Abby sneaking a cigarette out the window. Her body perched up on the windowsill as she breathed the smoke out the open gap.
"Shit- oh it's just you," she chuckled, holding her hand on her heart indicating that you had slightly frightened her, clearly from her doing something she isn't supposed to be doing.
"Sorry, thought it was empty," you said, turning your body towards the door in an effort to leave her to it,
"You don't have to leave I'm just smoking this before any of my team sees me,"
That brought a smile to reach your lips,
"Why are you sneaking cigarettes like a 16 year old?"
"Athletes aren't really meant to smoke, but shit happens. I just don't want to hear it from coach." She mumbled taking her final drag, throwing the butt out the window.
"I'll take it to my grave," You promised, making a little zip motion on your lips.
"All yours," she smiled, making her way out of the bathroom.
"I won't take long, we can head down to the group together,"
So you did, exiting the bathroom, Abby smiling at you,
"Let's go?"
"Sure,"
You had travelled down the stairs, engaging in random, friendly small talk until you had reached everyone. Abby sat back down next to Dina and Jesse, who were ranting amongst themselves, whilst Cat and Ellie had been left to their own devices. Now, you and Ellie had been friends for a while, you kinda knew what she looked like when she was flirting with girls. And this was definitely that.
Your thoughts were interrupted by Dean respawning in your face again,
"Wanna explain that?"
That completely broke you out of your little trance, explain what?
"What?"
"Why were you in the bathroom with her?"
"She was-" you remembered your promise to her, "We were just chatting, nothing weird happened, if that's what you're thinking."
He grabbed your wrist and walked with you to a quieter corner of the room,
"Why are you lying?"
"Dean, nothing happened we were chatting because she was in there when I walked in,"
"Do you know what she is?"
"I just met her today, Dean," You didn't want to deal with this right now, Ellie had said she was going to try and help you escape Dean tonight and instead she got annoyed by his presence and began flirting with Cat.
"What is with you and hanging out with all of those d-...", he trailed off,
"Those what, Dean?" You were beyond angry at this point, you didn't like what he was implying.
"You know, all those le-"
"Hey," your altercation was interrupted, "Everything cool?" Ellie was looking between you both, eyebrows furrowed as she looked you over, gauging the situation. She knew you could fight your own battles, but when a drunk man is getting too handsy on someone it's always good practice to remain vigilant.
"We're fine." He said, his words less slurred now, a bit more pissed off. Egged on by the fact that his very point had just interrupted him.
"Oh yeah?" She pressed, making sure to look at you when she asked, having watched the interaction since he dragged you away.
"Yeah, I'm okay," you added, trying to give her a grateful look with your eyes, whether she got the message or not wasn't confirmed. Ellie wasn't one to let things go, but then she asked you if you wanted to be left alone with him and when you simply said 'Yeah I can deal with this," there was nothing more she could do without being too out of line.
Sighing to herself, she dragged her feet back to the group, silently warring with herself over her actions, wondering if she put her nose in someone else's business or whether she didn't act enough. She had decided that was enough for the night, she'd try and focus on something else.
Whilst you were frustrated; you didn't want to explain the situation to her yet, at this point.
"Dean I don't like what you're trying to say, I don't want to be near you right now, we can talk about this at home."
"Sure, whatever." He walked off. You exhaled a sigh that had been festering in your chest for a while.
Wandering back to Dina, Jesse and Abby, noticing a considerable lack of Ellie and Cat. But at least you could clear your mind, Dina offered you another drink- which you gladly took.
You were in conversations with your friends, a good amount of minutes had passed and you finally caught sight of Ellie. You felt your heart twitch, your stomach churning at the sight.
Ellie was engaged in some heated make-out with that Cat, her hands tightly wrapped around the back of the girl's neck. The lights of the room bounced off her skin, illuminating them in deep reds and blues, as their lips moved against each other. It was hot, you couldn't lie. Perhaps the alcohol had hit you a lot more than you thought. You had seen Ellie in action, but not in action.
You felt yourself start to stare, lost in the sight of Ellie until you felt your breathing start to quicken and your legs fidgeting. You had to pull your eyes away, shaming yourself in your head for even looking that long, like a damned pervert.
Taking another sip of your drink, your thoughts trailed, you wondered what it would feel like to be in Cat's position, to feel Ellie's passionate grasp and soft lips against yours. You wondered if her kisses would feel loving and warm, not cold like you were used to.
You quickly dismissed your thoughts, blaming it on the alcohol, wondering what was spurring this on, all of a sudden.
You soon decided it was probably time to head home, the party had lived its course and you were in a worse mood than when you first got there. Mission failed, indeed.
Saying your goodbyes to Dina, Jesse and Abby you made your way through the dance floor to Ellie.
"Hey, I'm gonna head out," You interrupted a conversation occurring between Ellie and Cat.
"Oh, you sure?" She glanced between you and Cat, "Will you be okay getting home?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm gonna find Dean and we're gonna go,"
"Oh," her face soured, "You're really still going home with that guy?"
"Well..." you stilled, you didn't exactly want to, but you knew he wouldn't give up until he got to say his piece, regardless of where you were, "We have stuff to talk about, I guess." Your voice and tone sound beaten, tired.
"I see," She glanced you over, hesitant, as if she was about to say something but then changed her mind. You could almost see thoughts flying in her eyes.
"See you later," Cat smiled at you, though it didn't quite reach the corners of her eyes, no crease of skin. Everything seemed polite on the surface, but there were weird undertones in her voice, indifference. The vibe of that was definitely weird, right?
"Yeah,"
With that, you found Dean and left to go home.
—
Panting, you were panting. Heavy breaths mixed with sloppy touches in the darkness of red and blue lights.
You pulled away, glancing at Ellie, the corners of her plump lips curling into a smirk as she caressed your thighs. Fingers teasing near your entrance, you were completely ready for her touch, dripping, waiting.
"I can't wait to taste you, baby." she spoke, her words soft but with a hint of a growl that excited you, eager for what was about to come.
Then your eyes split open, and you were lay on your bed, hours had passed and you had been fast asleep. Sleep came easy, induced by the alcohol you had consumed, as you realised you had just been dreaming.
It took you a few seconds to stir and become conscious of what you had been dreaming about. Then the shame hit. What the fuck was that?
It didn't last long though, before you heard Dean's voice,
"That was hot,"
You slightly jumped at the surprise of his voice, not expecting him to have been awake and especially aware that you were having a dream of such nature, about your best friend of all people.
"You got me all hard, babe." You suddenly felt too overwhelmed, flashes of Ellie's lips and fingers cursed your mind as Dean's voice was mixed into your thoughts.
Confusion and panic hit your senses, you didn't want to look at Dean's expecting face when your mind was still reeling with the faint remnants of being under Ellie's warm and comforting touch, even in the astral plane, your body still warm and wanting. But not for him. Disgust overwhelmed your veins, poisoning the air in your lungs as you realised you couldn't think of anything worse than him touching you. It was as if that dream had been a message, a sign that this wasn't what you wanted. Or deserved. A sudden unexpected epiphany.
You quickly shot up and ran to the bathroom, no words spoken between you as you closed the door. Ensuring space between you both.
You sighed and grabbed at the roots of your hair, thinking of how utterly fucked this is.
You thought back to Ellie, would she be disgusted at your thoughts? Would she feel weird and uncomfortable if she knew you had been thinking of her that way? Her best, and very platonic, friend. She definitely isn't interested, you thought, remembering the way she had grabbed Cat closer to her and embraced her in a kiss that could only enflame your very being. Jealous. You realised, that's what that feeling was. It seemed to occur a lot regarding Ellie, that feeling.
Dean's voice blared through the door, reverberating through the walls.
"It's about that blond bitch isn't it?" Your eyebrows pulled together, fucks sake.
"Dean, please." It was stupid o'clock in the morning, the last thing you wanted was yet another argument.
"I knew those fucking lesbians would fuck with your head, you've always been a stupid woman, following whoever gives you attention."
His words hurt, and doubly pissed you off. How dare he? Those were your friends he was talking about.
You opened the door, Dean all blotchy and red in the face, fuelled by the past months of his bullshit and borderline abuse, this was the final nail. He was not about to say disgusting things and expect no repercussions. Lifting your hand, you put your entire back into connecting your palm with his cheek, made real by the smacking sound of skin, loud as a gunshot in the dark hours of the night contrasting the silence of no other surrounding sound in the dorms.
"Fuck you, Dean. I'm over this, get out." You stared him right in the eye as he rubbed the throbbing skin of his cheek to alleviate some pain. You couldn't help but feel a hint of relief that it had actually hurt him, as horrid as that sounds. You weren't a violent person, by any means, yet the continuous accusations, the newly exposed homophobia, his vile behaviour - it had to be done. You were done letting him treat you like that.
"I don't need you anyway, can find ten other girls that'd give me what I want."
"Go do that, then." You huffed, wondering why you hadn't done this earlier.
"Already have, sweetheart." He smirked, eyes glinting as he finally lifted the shroud of lies he had been filling your head with. You always knew deep down, you just chose to ignore it. Worms in the brain feasting at any rational thought and your self-respect. You didn't find it in yourself to get angrier.
"Get out of my house, Dean." You finalised, arms crossed over your chest, you just hoped he'd go willingly.
"You're not worth it, anyway." He cements, body turning to put on his shoes, chuckling as his heavy presence finally leaves your door.
You let out a breath, relief, shame and anger seeping into the deepest part of your being.
You were glad he's gone, truly. You just wish you had killed it sooner. Ellie was right, he ain't shit.
You sat on the edge of your bed, suddenly finding that the dark, empty space in your room was doing you no favours.
Pulling out your phone, you drafted a text to Ellie,
3.47 a.m: you awake?
It was a long shot, you almost gave up on a response for tonight until you felt your phone buzz.
3.49 a.m: ..always
3.49 a.m: whats up?
Your lips tilted into a weak smile, before responding,
3.50 a.m: u should be sleeping rn!
3.50 a.m: umm so should u
3.51 a.m: whats wrong?
Sighing, you had to bite the bullet, already started it now.
3.52 a.m: he's an asshole, i broke up with him
A few minutes passed, and you wondered what was taking so long even though in the grand scheme of time it was only a few seconds, really. It was just anticipation, time felt dragged out awaiting her response. You didn't know that Ellie was laying on her bed feverishly typing, deleting and re-typing, overthinking how to respond. She wanted to say, 'I knew this' and how she was happy he was gone because he was a loser who didn't deserve you anyway. How she never liked him. Ellie didn't want to be insensitive, though, lest she hurt your feelings further.
3.57 a.m: how are you feeling?
3.58 a.m: im just glad he's gone tbh
3.58 a.m: had to be done
Ellie couldn't help the hint of a smile that fought its way onto her features, she typed her response. Picking at the dry skin around her thumb with her teeth as she sent her next message, eyebrows slightly furrowed.
3.59 a.m: he didn't deserve you anyway, you're too good for that.
You felt a warmth rush through you, stomach tightening as you read into her words. You wished that she meant it, that her feelings matched yours. Your mind thinks back to Cat, instantly murdering any hope in your heart.
You don't remember when your feelings for Ellie began to change, but looking back on it, you had felt so unsatisfied, seldom comfortable with your past lovers. Ellie was the only person who knew you, truly. Who had loved you and made you feel so safe, her comforting presence always soothing you, you felt like a person around Ellie. Whole. It had just taken some time for life to knock some sense into you to realise. It has always been Ellie.
4.01 a.m: want me to come to you or you wanna come here?
4.01 a.m: it's so late you don't have to! i'll be ok promise
4.02 a.m: hah good one.. gimme ten mins
Ellie was not messing, not much time passed before she was knocking on the front door of your dorm.
"Hey," Her voice was soft, gentle, her eyes shining with such a tender glint. She's always had such pretty eyes, you thought.
"Hi,"
You moved a few steps to give her space to enter,
"How you doing?" She wrapped her arms around you, holding you tighter than you expected,
"Honestly, I'm okay," Ellie took a look at you, gauging your overall mood and believed it, you already looked lighter, less weight (*Dean) holding down your shoulders.
"Think I mentally checked out a long time ago," you added, sitting down on your bed and lifting your laptop screen to load a show, acting somewhat as a buffer amongst the silence.
"So what happened?"
You couldn't help the audible groan that escaped your lips, "He got pissy when he saw me leaving the bathroom with Abby and accused me of cheating,"
"Abby?" Ellie had taken off her coat and shoes, joining you on your spot on the bed.
"Yeah, she was smoking in the bathroom hiding from their coach, we walked down to the group together, it was only small talk. I was so confused, he started saying things about who I was hanging out with,".
"Meaning?"
"He's a fucking homophobic prick,"
"He said hanging out with 'all those lesbians was fucking with my head', said I follow whoever gives me attention," you sighed, "then I slapped him."
Ellie couldn’t help it, she felt a swell of pride that you slapped him, stood up for yourself. He deserved so much worse, she thought.
Ellie couldn't hide the smirk that reached her lips, as much as she tried to suppress it, it still came.
"That's my girl,"
You didn't expect your stomach to twist when those words left her mouth, opening something up deep inside.
"He finally admitted to cheating, and then it was over," You sighed.
"I'm proud of you," Ellie muttered, fidgeting with her nail-beds, failing to meet your eyes.
"You don't have to say that, I know how pathetic this is,"
Resting your head on the headboard, you brought your legs into a cross,
"Hey, I mean it, it must've been a lot," She paused, her hand coming to rest on your knee, rubbing her thumb over the skin absentmindedly, like it was second nature to her. Perhaps, it was.
You looked over at her, eyes trailing down her features, freckles and the green eyes that still weren't meeting yours, suddenly shy.
"You're amazing, you deserve to know that," she paused, eyes finally meeting your own, determined.
"So are you," Your voice lowered, trailing back to the pretty brunette from earlier.
“So what’s going on with you and that girl?” You shouldn’t have said anything, but it was out before you could stop it. Clearly, your brain kept thinking about it.
“It’s..” Ellie thought about what to say, it would sound extremely horrible to say Cat was mainly a distraction, unfair as she is a lovely person, but it’s true.
“Nothing more than what you saw,”
Vague, was that best response to that, Ellie thought.
“I saw quite a bit,”
“Honestly, she’s great, we get along and all but..’ She’s not you. “I don’t think it’ll go any further.”
“She seemed to really like you, why not?”
Ellie almost wanted to laugh, it was so painfully obvious to her, how could you not see it?
“I guess.. I want something different.”
Her eyes connected with yours, the contact between your eyes felt different now, charged. You caught yourself stealing a glance at her lips, which slightly parted as she spotted where your eyes had fallen.
“Like what?”
She had no response, it was either avoid the question, or firm it. Ellie didn’t know which was the right answer.
"Ellie.." You paused, words caught in your throat, as scenarios rushed through your head like a rolodex of different possible outcomes. Heart tugging at your brain to do something, anything.
"Yeah?" Her head leaned closer to yours, your breathing slowly becoming heavier, the room's environment growing thicker, harder to inhale. Her hand still on your knee, unmoving now, frozen in place.
You could almost make contact with her lips, if you moved just a tiny inch closer. Her hand trailed slightly further up your leg, just a little above your knee, almost as if to test the waters. You wondered if she felt like you did, if she could also feel her veins light up and her body inflamed. Were her lips just as eager to touch yours? Were her hands longing to feel you just as well?
Before you realised, it was out.
"Ellie, can I kiss you?"
A beat, and no response. You felt your heart start to panic, already thinking over how to pretend that had never happened. You almost regretted it, until her hand reached for the back of your neck, reducing the distance between your faces.
Lips meeting yours, shyly at first, hesitant. Ellie’s mind was whirling, feeling her heartbeat pump aggressively throughout her body, there was no way this was reality, she thought. No way that you were here in front of her, asking to kiss her, after all this time of her yearning, feeling like a useless lesbian who would never ever make a move on you.
She could almost feel herself kicking her feet in the air, as she decided to firm it. Scared if she waited any longer, the opportunity would cease to exist, pass her by and join one of those regrets she’d think about as an elder.
Your lips met hers back, eager to push for contact, eager to push closer. Your zeal spurring hers on, as her hands clasped the back of your neck, keeping you in place. Not like you wanted to be anywhere else.
This was it. This is what you should’ve been feeling in the past.
Ellie’s soft, plump lips melted over yours, taunting with a bite and pulling your bottom lip out before entering her tongue into your mouth.
Fuck. That was hot.
You felt yourself getting hotter, damper by the minute as the kiss continues, Ellie’s hand getting more comfortable and trailing down to your thighs.
You pulled apart for a second, taking the time to catch your breath as you looked into her eyes, usually green but now much darker, enhanced by enlarged pupils as she glazed her sights over you. An unreadable expression on her face,
“Are you okay?”
“You’re so hot, and amazing and I-I really want to keep going, I just- I don’t know, I don’t want this to be like a .. rebound thing. I really care about you but I just, don’t want to feel like that, you know?” She rambled on, her thoughts getting ahead of themselves as she was pondering if it happened, then if it was too late to return to what you had been, before things got all naked and messy.
You understood, of course you did. You had literally broken up with him just maybe two hours ago. But it didn’t matter, you had to say it. Let her know and reassure her that it was only her.
“Ellie.. you could never be a rebound to me,” You stammered a little before the next part, “You’re the one I’ve wanted this whole time. It’s always been you.” You pecked her lips, grabbing her face, looking into her eyes hoping she’d see the seriousness in yours.
“I’ve wanted you for a really long time,” she broke contact, “I just didn’t wanna fuck shit up,”
“I mean it, Ellie, I’ve never felt as certain about something as I do this,”
Her stature relaxed, you continued, “I love you, Ellie. I didn’t love anyone else,”
“I love you,” she answered, the corner of her lip tilting up, eyes brighter.
“I’ll just have to show you how much, if that’s okay with you.”
Her gaze turned curious, before nodding, watching as your hands danced down her sides and ever so slightly underneath the fabric of her shirt.
“You can do whatever you want with me, honestly,” she murmured. You caught her body tensing, almost shaky as you lifted her shirt. Warm hands covering the sides of her defined stomach, you squeezed a little, just enough to rile her up.
Which it did, Ellie’s eyebrows furrowed as she anticipated your next move. Losing control of her lungs, she was about to explode.
“This okay?” Your hand met the band of her sports bra, digging scarcely into her skin beneath it.
“Yeah,” she exhaled, stuck in place, watching, her cheeks becoming flushed, “Shit,”
You hands pressed over her breasts, tightening pressure around as she let out a content sigh. You dipped your head down to wrap your lips around her nipple, licking laps over the tip and softly blowing air over them when you decided you were done, chuckling to yourself at the goosebumps that now raised on her skin,
“Don’t tease,” She murmured, composure dwindling.
“Sorry, can’t help myself,”
You kissed down her stomach to her pelvis, feeling her restlessness grow as her body refused to stay still, itching for you to do more.
You leaned back up, placing either leg over her torso and looked her over, making sure she was okay as your hand moved lower down, seemingly in a mind of its own as it crept past the waistband, meeting her skin as you held eye contact.
Ellie folded, shutting her eyes as the waiting became too much, you tapped her leg with your free hand,
“Eyes on me,”
When she held your eye contact once again, you teased a finger past her folds, almost letting out a groan at how wet she was, at how easily you could feel her arousal.
“Fuck Els,” you sighed, struggling to contain yourself as your thoughts grew more indecent, slipping a finger in further as Ellie writhed underneath you, head hanging back.
“More fingers, please,” Her voice was strained, breathy as she closed her eyes, embarrassed to be feeling this undone already.
“Yeah?” The side of your mouth curled up, goaded by the sound of her voice. She nodded impishly, covering her eyes with her wrist, as her other hand reached to grip around your hip. A tight squeeze followed on your skin.
“I can do that, baby,” Following instructions, you slipped two more fingers into her, falling into a rhythm as you felt her clench around you. She glanced over your body, legs spread over her midsection as you leaned your arm back, hips gently grinding over hers- an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure building up.
Her hand grabbed at the hem of your shirt, pulling it slightly and groaning when the tight material pushed against your breasts, she always loved how you never wore bras, stiff nipples poking through the fabric.
“Fuck, clothes off, now,” she let out in soft grunts, as she broke your wrist from her to take off your shirt, rubbing her hands over your newly exposed skin “Always fucking wanted to see you like this,” She spoke, your fingers meeting her centre again, “So fucking pretty,”
“You feel so good, Ellie,” You gasped, your hips involuntarily grinding on top of her stomach, “So fucking good ‘n wet for me,”
“Fuck-“ Ellie’s voice cut off as she bit into the back of her hand, her own hips rolling your hand in deeper, hitting her walls more than before as she let out a mewl. “Feels so fuckin’ good, angel,” she whimpered, voice strained as she continued to ride into your hand.
It was the hottest noise you’d ever heard, and you wanted to keep drawing it out of her. To keep hearing her moan for you, and your actions only.
Suddenly, you had something you prove, both to her and to yourself. Flashes of Cat in your mind as you wanted her to forget other women existed.
You unwrapped yourself off her lap, removing your fingers, kissing her stomach as you pulled her pants and underwear down, grabbing her legs and holding them open, exposing her even further.
“Damn,” you said, glancing over her wet inner thighs as they glistened, all for you.
“Shut up,” she spoke, voice tight as a side smile swept over her features, as she grabbed the back of your head, pushing you closer to her pulsing core, throbbing and dripping waiting for you to make contact.
You licked a line up her heat, moaning to yourself at the taste of her. You grew light-headed, thinking you could die happily just between Ellie’s legs, becoming addicted to her moans as you ate her out, head in a daze as she squeezed her thighs tight around your head, almost cutting off your air supply- her moans growing more frequent, as she reached closer. Your free hand moving up to wrap itself around her breast, squeezing tighter around her nipple.
Deciding to have a little more fun, you slipped two fingers into her wetness as you continued to lap your tongue around her clit, pushing up into her as you sucked. Dragging her delicious sap on your tongue as it marred all over your face, cheeks glassy with her warm sleek.
Ellie had lost control over her vocal cords at this point, moans slipping out from between her sweet lips no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. Hell, you were moaning too, despite not even being touched yet, dripping all over yourself, ass up and needy as you rolled your hips over thin air as you continued to soak yourself into Ellie.
There could be no coming back from this, you thought, not now that you had been exposed to the delicacy that is Ellie Williams. You were holding on to her and not letting go.
You felt Ellie’s moans get shorter, cutting themselves off from its full power before the next one came, her hips moving more haphazardly up to meet your tongue, she was close.
You glanced at her, her eyes closed, brows pinched up and mouth agape, a slight sheen to her skin from sweat, she’s so attractive, you thought.
With your free hand, your fingers guided themselves onto your own folds, rolling over your own clit for some release, the lack of hand on her caused Ellie’s eyes to lull over at you, the sight of your arched back, wet cheeks from her slick, spread legs as you touched yourself all whilst still fucking her into oblivion.
The damned sight of you, just as undone as Ellie, without her even touching you, was enough to cause the coil in her abdomen to twist, before she came all over your face, breath slowing into heavy pants as her body twitched. You lapped her up her residue, finally removing your face from between her legs as she looked at you. Wordless.
“Wh-what the fuck..” Ellie’s weak voice trailed, before laughing and forcing a kiss on your lips, hands wrapped around your jaw as she tasted the remnants of herself on you.
There was no way you were about to give her the best orgasm of her life and expect her to not do anything back? Funny joke. Ellie was ravenous now.
She placed you underneath her, biting around your thighs before bending her head down, her tongue having been desperate for a taste since that first day she saw you. “I wanna fuck you so bad,” Your legs tightened around her as the air from her voice hit your centre, “Been dyin’ for a taste,” You looked at her, tip of your eyebrows raised up as you took in her words, how long had she wanted you back? Her words caused you to shudder, whimpering as she continued.
“Fuck,” You said, voice breaking as her tongue rippled over your pussy as your hips shook, slurping up the honey that had been left neglected. Long, slender fingers meeting your centre that had felt so, so desperate and needy for her to touch.
“G’na show what you’ve been missing,” She hummed, as her fingers picked up pace working harmoniously with her tongue as she fucked into you. Warm muscle rolling over your pulsing clit. Fingers rubbing over your velvet walls which sucked her further in, skin dragging out with her soaked fingers when they recoiled out, the image obscene. “What was waiting for you this whole time,”
“Els- shit, wanna feel you,”
“What you want, baby?” She gasped out, in between breaths as fingers toyed with your clit.
“Wanna feel you, y-your fucking pussy on mine-fuck,” you cut yourself off, embarrassed. The desire was simply too strong, you were dizzy just from the thought of it. Ellie seemed to share your enthusiasm, her heart skipping a beat, the thought kindling her veins with heat.
This was truly a gift from the heavens, she thought.
“Shit- yeah, okay.” Ellie exhaled out, as she got you into position, grabbing one of your smaller pillows to cushion underneath you as she placed her legs over yours, getting into place as she rubbed her clit over yours, hips lolling over your pelvis.
The sounds were debaucherous as they filled the room, hot and wet, as if the spirit of Dionysus, himself had possessed you. Invoking you with bacchanal, carnal desire as you could think of nothing else than the sublime vice that is Ellie Williams.
“Fuck, Els, I’m gonna come,”
Ellie groaned, rocking her hips over yours, her defined abs on show, breasts working with Earth’s gravity as they sprung up and down to match her movements, hair falling out of her half-bun, causing some strands to stick to her face, completely dishevelled. You looked at her, eyes attached to yours, lust ruling over them, then looked back down to where you were both intertwined. You trapped your bottom lip with your teeth at the sight before you.
Her sap mingling with yours, leaking out from her cunt as it folds over your own, Wrapping you with her warmth, pulsating around yours. Ellie’s body still trembling from before.
“Then come for me, baby,”
You were gone. With her words, you felt yourself spilling out against her, not being able to hold back the climax of your arousal spurting out from you, splashes reaching Ellie’s legs.
“Fuck, Ellie!” Your voice drawled out, as the wave ran through you,
“That’s it, angel, come all over me,” She smirked down at you, breath heavy as she watched your eyes glaze over, lips parted and chest heavy as you finally came down. A ardent glaze over her eyes.
“I didn’t know you could do that,” She gaped, eyes transfixed on your figure as her reeling mind came down from the high.
“Shit, neither did I,” you laughed, covering your mouth, suddenly shy. With your head still in the clouds, you weren’t feeling as overly self-aware.
“That was fucking hot, and I’m not done.”
—
leave a comment, reblog or like if ya enjoyed <3
#i may or may not have driven myself insane with this 😵����😵💫😵💫😵💫#ellie brainrot back in full force#fuck it might write abby too#any requests ladies 👁️👁️#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x reader smut
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Say It Ain't So
pairing - Virgin!James Potter x fem!reader
summary - James busts a fat one. Porn with glimpses of plot. Maybe.
warnings - 18+ mdni, smut, awkwardness, James is a desperate virgin in this one, hence the weezer title, premature ejaculation, handjob (m receiving), one sided enemies to ???, slight m sub/f dom dynamics if you squint, legs
wordcount - 1.6k
disclaimer - english is my second language. Don't hesitate to correct me!
You hated James Potter.
Your dislike well-known among your friends, none of them dared to ever mention him anymore, fearing another long-winded rant from you. Remembering when the lot of you would stay up after curfew, sharing gossip and talking about your crushes. All of them gasped when you casually shared your feelings about the headboy after they spent what felt like hours gushing about him. Proceeding to list of every single thing wrong with the guy, making your friends regret ever bringing him up.
Did he have beautiful curly hair you just wanted to run your fingers through? Brilliant hazel eyes in which mischief was ever-present? Pretty plump lips, his slightly crooked, overly confident smirk always on them? Well, yes, you could admit that much. But as soon as he opened his mouth, you couldn’t care less about how pretty it was. He'd always disrupt the lessons, the golden boy having no filter or capability to raise his hand, always yelling the answers out or talking loudly with his posse during dinner, unable to control his volume and barely having to face any consquences for his obnoxious nature.
So when Slughorn, who aside from his quirky nature, you quite liked, decided to pair you both together for the last project of the year, you were fuming. At least internally. Your prideful nature and pureblood customs instilled in you by your parents forced you to keep a blank face, only briefly smiling at the teacher when he uttered your name after James', swallowing your rage.
Shortly after class ended, as you were packing your things after quickly finishing your notes, you suddenly heard one of the old wooden chairs in front of you creak. Looking up at the noise, you saw a certain Gryffindor already staring back, a stupid smirk on his face like always, the air of confidence around him ever-present.
“So…,” James started absent-mindedly going through your notes, but you quickly interrupted whatever he was about to say.
“I’ll take care of the project by myself. Can’t have you messing up my grades,” you simply stated, ripping your notes from his hands, frowning at the way he had smudged the last of your sentence. Ignoring your frown, he loudly exclaimed, “Hey! My grades are stellar.” He tapped his finger against his chest, where his perfect badge was. “They don’t give them away for nothing, you know?”
“I also don’t like you,” you said after a moment of silence, standing up and slinging your bag over your shoulder, quickly walking out.
But he wouldn't let up, following you all the way to the Great Hall, pestering you until you finally snapped right by the Slytherin table.
“Saturday, library, after lunch. No word from you until then,” you almost yelled, your face twisting in anger. Noticing the other Slytherins' snickers, you quickly composed yourself, swallowing your anger. He, oblivious as always, smiled widely, ignoring your state and simply basking in the glory of having won this little duel of words.
Saturday approached faster than you would’ve liked, dreading the obnoxious boy's presence already. But you approached the surprisingly empty library anyway, not one to go back on your word. You frowned slightly, looking around, realizing even the librarian must have taken the day off. Sighing, you called out to James; he was already there, notes and textbooks scattered about. He quickly jumped up from his chair, beaming like always, until his gaze drifted down, his usual aura of self-assurance dwindling a little.
“What are you wearing?” he asked, mouth hanging slightly agape.
You looked down; you were wearing a simple skirt and long-sleeved top, not too different from what you usually wore in your free time. Confused, you lifted your head again, his gaze quickly following, being previously trained on your bare legs. Realizing he had been caught, a blush appeared on his cheeks as he plopped unceremoniously down, coughing awkwardly and focusing on the books laying before him.
“Weirdo,” you stated, disinterest evident, just wanting this project to be over with. But what you saw once you reached the table he was sitting at piqued your interest suddenly. Looking down, a prominent bulge had formed in the front of his pants, straining against the material. A book was quickly tossed over it, but it was too late.
“You’re such a skeeze. Who gets hard from looking at a girl's legs?” you asked, amused, not really expecting an answer, just continuing to stare him down, enjoying watching the high-and-mighty golden boy begin to tremble under your intense gaze.
“..they are your legs,” he mumbled, blush only deepening as his eyes stayed glued to the table.
This made you laugh out loud, gasping for air.
“Are you a virgin or something? Bloody hell,” you huffed out between laughs, a single tear escaping your eye at the comical twist your day had taken.
James didn't reply, groaning in embarrassment and continuing to hold the book tightly over his lap.
“Cat got your tongue?” you said, still smirking but finally having calmed down. “I didn’t even know you were capable of zipping it.”
This seemed to push him over the edge; he picked up his bag and shoved everything in with lightning speed, until suddenly he froze, hearing your next sentence.
“I can help you out if you want,” you said, a mischievous smile adorning your pretty face, putting his own to shame.
All he got out was a quick “huh,” as you pounced, wordlessly pushing him back down onto the chair. He looked up through his glasses, his eyes wide, the cute blush still evident on his face. Fuck.
“You are so pretty,” you whispered aloud before pressing your mouth against his. Short and sweet. It was almost romantic, the way he gently started to move his mouth and the lovestruck look on his face once you pulled away.
He eagerly leaned forward again, knocking his nose against yours before trying again, this time slower, aiming properly while the book he had previously clenched in his lap dropped to the floor with a thud. He opted to instead take hold of your hips, almost moaning at the feeling of the warmth of your skin touching his, slightly poking out from the bottom of your shirt. You, in turn, moved your hand that gripped the curls at the back of his neck slowly down his chest, delicate fingers grasping at the painful bulge in his pants. This made James quickly pull away, a loud moan leaving his now reddened lips as he grasped your wrist, stopping your movement.
“I-” he gasped out. “I-I’m waiting for the right person.”
He regretted talking the second the words left his mouth, seeing you roll your eyes at him, laughing a little at the bizarre turn of events, moving to remove your hand nonetheless.
He quickly went to grasp at your wrist again, pulling it toward his crotch once more, his body moving on its own.
“You need to make up your mind, pretty boy,” you said softly, looking at him amused.
“You know…,” you started after he continued to be silent, he in turn looked up at you through his lashes, blushing, his glasses a little crooked and a dorky smile on his lips, hearing your voice again. “Maybe I’m not the right person… but… I could be your right hand,” you finished, slightly averting your eyes, cringing at your words.
He didn't notice, though, too lost in need for release; he eagerly nodded his head. You laughed a little, removing his grip on your arm and moving to open the Gryffindor's trousers, just enough for you to pull his now hard member out, precum already coating his tip, while pressing another sweet kiss to his lips. Disconnecting from him once more, you lifted your right hand, holding it up to James' face expectantly.
“Spit,” you commanded, and the boy obliged without a second thought.
One long, loud moan left his mouth as your hand slowly moved against his cock, brushing your thumb over the head, gently mixing the precum with his spit, spreading it all over his length. You moved to press kisses to his bobbing throat, his head thrown back in pleasure, as you started to move your hand up and down in a steady rhythm, sucking a small purple spot onto his neck, his gasps and groans only getting louder.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” James repeated over and over like a prayer, lost in pleasure. You lifted your head, stopping your assault on his neck, to look at his scrunched-up face, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open. You couldn't help but stare, the glaring noon sun shining in through the stained glass and making his skin almost appear to glow, colors of the rainbow dancing around his face, sweat bullets forming on his forehead like little diamonds. Fuck. He really was—
“Pretty,” you mumbled, pushing James over the edge-a string of curses leaving him as he came undone over your hand, specks of it staining your skirt all the way to your pretty legs, the reason all of this started in the first place.
He continued to gasp, trying to catch his breath and gasping out apologies for the mess. You silently tugged him back into his pants, amused at the wet spot adorning his own lower half.
You wiped your hand on his pants before zipping him up. Wordlessly, you pressed a kiss to his cheek, swiftly turning around, ready to go take a shower after the ordeal.
“Wait,” you paused in your steps, glancing back at James. “D-do… you… want… to,” he started, before pausing again, finally catching his breath. “Do you want to go to Hogsmeade… with me?”
You glanced ahead, continuing on your path without replying to the desperate boy, only flashing him a quick smirk.
Maybe you didn't hate him after all.
#marauders#james potter x reader#james potter x you#james potter#james potter smut#smut#fanfic#hp fanfcition#hp fandom#harry potter x reader
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𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 ! 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨
pairing : sub!nerdy!matt x soft!dom!reader
summary : when you catch your best friend’s brother matt touching himself to your photos, you decide to step in as you can’t take yourself away from his face and the glasses that were slipping down his nose.
! 3rd person p.o.v !
warnings : SMUT, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 you tap it please!), getting caught, masturbation, mommy kink, pet names (good boy, mommy, handsome, baby).
a/n : okay i kinda did this idea already but whatever:))) i also hate this!
matt — blue “ y/n — pink “ nick = purple !
you were at your daily sleepover at nick’s house, who’s your bestfriend. he has two other brothers who lived in the house but you never really talked to them before. you’ve always noticed matt tho. he was shy and never really talked in classes the two of you shared unless it was to answer a question asked by the teacher.
as you walk past the room of your best friend’s brothers bedroom to get back to nicks so the two of you could continue your movie, you hear soft whimpers past the door. you try to walk away but the sound of whimpering begin to grow louder which pulled you back to the spot in front of the door.
“please y/n, fuck m’ so close!” you hear from outside the door as you slap your hand against your mouth. there’s no way matt was jerking off to the thought of you. i mean, you never talked to him before so why was he thinking of you like this?
you tried to pull yourself away but you just couldn’t. all of a sudden your standing directly in front of the door with you hand twisting the knob. you open the door wide as your eyes scan the room and land to the queen sized bed next to matt’s window.
the boys curly hair was sticking to his forehead as his glasses were on the tip of his nose from the sweat making them slide down. he has his phone in his hand as he slides his hand up and down himself. your eyes widen as you notice his gaze meeting yours.
“matt? what’s going on..” you ask, a confused look taking over your face. matt slides his phone behind him as he moves his hand off himself. “uhm— nothing!” he says as he lets out an awkward laugh, pulling the covers over his exposed half.
“matt cmon, i heard you from outside the door. you aren’t good at being quiet,” you say as you walk over to him with, crawling between his legs. the boy lets out a breathy moan as he looks up at you.
you notice the pink hue that’s on matt’s face as he watches you runs your fingertips over his thighs that had previously been covered by the blanket. “so, what were you doing?” you ask as your hands tease over his length.
“i— uhm,” he mumbles as he places his arms next to him. “just yknow’ messing around..” matt whispers as he feels your hand move under the cover. a smirk appears on your face as you remove the cover off of his lower half.
“messing around? i didn’t know messing around involved whimpering my name..” you replied as you place your hand onto his hard-on. you put your legs on each side of him to get a better angle. matt looks down at your hand as he places his lip between his teeth.
“fuck, ‘didn’t know you could hear me,” matt whispers as he feels your hand move up and down his length. a breathy moan leaves past the boys lips as you move his hand to begin sliding your shorts off. he moves his hands to your hips but pulls them away quickly in embarrassment. “‘m sorry!” the boy says as you shake your head at him, “it’s okay handsome, you can touch me.”
matt moves his hands back to your waist as he watches you slide your underwear down your thighs. his eyes widen at the sight in front of him. you hover over his tip as you look up at him, face a light pink as is glasses are halfway off his face. "ready?" you ask matt as he quickly nods. "yes- yes 'm ready," he replies.
you place yourself onto him as a moan escapes past your lips. once matt feels himself enter you, his chests begins to rise up and down. you push his glasses back up as his nose scrunches. “f-fuck,” he lets out a breathe he feels you move up and down softly.
“god, feels so good m..” matt whispers as he cuts himself off before he could embarrass himself. you place your hand on the side of his face as you move his head to look at you. “it’s okay baby, you can say it.” you tell him as he nods. “feels good mommy..” “good boy,” you praise as he lets out a moan in response..
you begin to move at a faster pace as you feel yourself clench around matt’s length. the boy throws his head back as your movements begin to become sloppier by the second. whimpers escape past matt’s lips as his hand grip onto your waist. the sight of him like this could just make you cum.
“feel good?” you ask as the boy in front of you nods quickly. “yes, yes it does!” he whimpers out as he nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck. you feel him twitch inside of you as you feel him remove his face from your neck.
“mommy, pls let me cum. ‘m close!” matt pleads out as you nod. “cmon baby, cum with me.” you move up and down once more into him as you feel him release into you. you come undone shortly after as you throw your head back. both of your chests move faster as you try and regain your composure.
“did so good for me, so good.” you tell him as he nods. “you sure?” he asks as you nod in response. matt moves himself out of you as he lays back against the headboard, sweat beating down his forehead. you lay down next to him as you place your hand on his arm.
“are we finishing our movie or what?” nick yells as he bangs on the door. you turn over to matt as you place your hand on your mouth. matt chuckles as you grab your clothes and put them on quickly. “yeah, coming out now!” you reply as you grab your phone and place it in your pajama shorts pocket. “see you matt,” you whisper as you place a kiss on his cheek, quickly walking out.
@qnzov @chrissturniolos1wife @starsturns @stvrnmc @mattslolita
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo#nathan doe#sturniolo triplets#nicolas sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#chrissturniolo smut#sturniolo smut#sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nathan doe smut#nate doe
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Hi can I request first time with chan with shy reader? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼
i’ll help you through it, yeah?
pairing: chan x virgin reader
genre: smut, fluff, friends to lovers
word count: ~2.6k
warnings: mutual pining, pet names, protected sex, praise.
authors note: i have this request in my inbox for other members as well, so look out for those in the future. i have so many requests (tysm btw) so it’s taking me a little while to get through them. i’m trying to do the oldest ones first because y’all been waiting so long. - not me blushing while writing this. i wish my first time was this sweet. lol
masterlist
"i’m just sick of it, ya know?" you complained. "i’m sick of feeling like this. like im unwanted and missing out on something."
your best friend looked at you, intently listening, but worry starting to mar his features. "are people being mean to you because you’re a virgin?" you could sense the anger threatening to rise up out of him at the thought of someone being mean to you.
"no. this is just pressure i’m putting on myself at this point. im too old to still be a virgin."
"i don’t think that’s true." chris said. "i thought you were saving yourself for someone you really loved? wasn’t that the point?"
he was right, you had always said that since you and chris were kids. you didn’t want your first time to be some fleeting, gross experience. you wanted it to be sweet and full of love. but, it didn’t seem like that was working out and you were tired of waiting.
"yeah well i don’t think that’s going to happen." you said, your voice soft, almost sad. "the person i love doesn’t love me, so im just going to have to give up on that." you chuckled sadly, the sound almost a scoff.
"i understand that. im in the same situation." he confided. "but i haven’t given up. i don’t think you should either."
you looked over at him, the space between you both on the couch was small. you could feel the warmth radiating off of him. that’s just how chris is. he’s warm. he’s warm and he’s safe and.. how could you not be in love with him? your heart longed for him to be the one to take your virginity. your heart ached with the thought of it.
he looked back at you with his big brown eyes, his curly hair tickling his eyelashes. and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. why couldn’t you just see how in love with you he is? he hated himself for not being able to confess to you. for not being able to just come clean and tell you how you are the center of his universe. but he was scared. to have you as his best friend and to long for you but never have you was better than telling you and losing you all together. but maybe.. he could try to help you with your current problem? see how things went and then he could decide from there what he would do.
"i could maybe.. help you." chris said shyly, rubbing his sweaty palms together in his lap.
you were shocked. "help me? with this?" why would he offer to help you unless he also wanted to? you felt a small bit of hope bloom in your chest.
"only if you want to." he said quickly. "i’m not trying to push myself on you. i’m just trying to help. we don’t have to."
you thought about it for a moment, your body screaming at you to say yes. but your mind was telling you everything that could go wrong. what if he hated it? found you gross and laughed at your inexperience? you brushed those thoughts off. you and chris has been friends for over fifteen years. he would never do something like that to you. he was kind.
"i would be okay with that.." you said. "but it might not be very good."
"i’ll help you through it, yeah?"
you loved him. god you loved him. this was the right decision,you knew that.
he scooted closer to you on the couch, your thighs pressed against each other. he touched your face, turning you to look at him. he looked in your eyes before saying "if you want to stop, just tell me,okay? i won’t be mad." you nodded as he looked down at your lips. and ever so slowly, not wanting to overwhelm you or scare you, he leaned it. his pillow soft lips made contact with yours and you were done for. he moved his lips against yours, his hand moving to cradle the back of your head. your hands found their way around his neck, tangling in his curls.
this felt so right, but your stomach churned with worry. your body was still tense.
"sweetheart, relax." he whispered against your lips. "you know me." he kissed you again, his tongue grazing your bottom lip. you felt embarrassed. kissing chris felt like the first time you had ever kissed anyone,even though that wasn’t the case.he had you so flustered, your lips weren’t listening to your brain’s commands. you opened your mouth and let his tongue in. he tasted sweet.
he pulled away, admiring your flushed cheeks. "do you want to move to your bedroom?" he asked. you nodded, and he stood, offering you his hand. he led you though your apartment and to your bedroom, knowing the way by heart. standing at the edge of your bed, he pulled you close. he kissed you again, his hands finding their way under your shirt, tickling the skin of your tummy.
"can we take this off?"
your hesitation made him pull away, studying your face for any signs of wanting to stop. "would it help if i took mine off first?" you nodded again, thankful for his suggestion. "you want to help me?"
you grabbed the hem of his black shirt and pulled it up and over his head, discarding it on the floor. you looked at him, at his body. you had seen him shirtless multiple times over the years. summers spent together swimming and early mornings at his apartment after late night study sessions, but this was different. his chest was bare because he wanted you to see it. and that made your skin hot.
"now you.." he said, reaching for your shirt slowly, giving you time to protest. but you didn’t. you let him pull your shirt off, leaving you standing in front of him in your jeans and lacy black bra. his eyes grew wide, his breath catching in his throat. could he do this? you were so beautiful and he hadn’t even seen all of you yet. you were starting to squirm under his stare. his hands were warm and soft as they grazed over your skin, his arms wrapping around your waist as he moved to kiss you again. his fingertips danced up your back, until they unclasped your bra and it fell to the floor. he continued kissing you, not looking at your bare chest right away, giving you time to get used to being bare in his presence. you nipples brushed against his chest, growing harder. arousal pooling between your legs as his kisses moved to your jaw and then your neck.
he took his time with you, slowly placing wet kisses on your skin as he guided you to the bed. he laid you down gently, his body hovering above you. he kissed down to your collarbones, across your chest and down to between your breasts. he looked up at you, his lips still pressed to your skin. your cheeks were red, your mouth slightly open as you tried to draw in breath. he saw no signs of stopping in your eyes. no , they begged him to continue. his lips closed around one of your nipples, his tongue gently caressing the nub. his hand gripped your waist as he sucked on your nipple, your hands balled into fists at your sides.
"you can touch me if you want to, baby." he said, his breath blowing cold against the wet skin of your breast. "don’t hold back."
he kissed his way across to your other nipple as you brought your hands to his hair. he started to move lower, until his lips were against your belly button, and even lower still until his tongue was running along the top of your jeans. "can i take these off?" he asked, fingers grazing over the button and zipper. with your approval, he carefully unbuttoned them and slid them down your legs, revealing your panties that matched your bra. he looked up at you, his face only inches from your center. "you’re so wet, baby." he said. "i can see a little wet patch on your panties."
your face flushed and you turned your head, hiding your embarrassment in your pillow.
"hey.. hey.." he said, his hand finding yours, tangling your fingers together. "don’t hide, baby. let me see your pretty face." you did your best to look at him, trying not to focus on your insecurities, but trying to focus on him instead. you squeezed his hand, his kind brown eyes showing nothing but love. he kissed your hip, and across your skin until he was placing a gentle kiss on your clothed clit. you jerked slightly. "is that the spot baby?" you nodded, biting your lip.
he pulled away, standing up. he chuckled at your pout, your little whines of protest. "just let me take these off." he unbuttoned his jeans, and kicked them to the side. he was only wearing his underwear now, his erection causing the material to stretch uncomfortably. he admired your body from this angle. your arms wrapped around your middle, your legs bending, trying to cover yourself. "don’t." he said, grabbing one of your wrists in each hand and holding your arms out. "let me look at you, baby. god, you are so beautiful."
his hands found their way back to your breasts,squeezing slightly before his fingertips grazed down your skin to the elastic of your panties. he hooked his fingers around them. "can i take these off? can i see your little pussy?" you lifted your hips in answer, helping him slide them off. you were completely naked in front of him now but you didn’t have time to be self conscious about it. his lips were already back on your skin,kissing everywhere he could reach. "fuck you’re so pretty." he mumbled against your tummy. "been dreaming about this."
what did he mean by that? you wondered.
"can i see you too?" you asked, your voice sounding so loud to your own ears, having been silent for so long. but you were starting to feel more comfortable. he made you feel so safe.
"of course you can." he said, straightening again to take his briefs off. and now you got to admire him for a moment. the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen leading down to his hard and leaking erection. the first thing you thought was that he was big. but honestly, you didn’t really have much to compare it to.. so what did you know? "don’t worry baby. we’ll go slow." he said, sensing your hesitation.
he leaned down to kiss your lips once again, his fingers making contact with your wetness. he rubbed soft circles on your clit. you grabbed onto his shoulders, your small whimpers falling into his mouth.
"does that feel good?" he asked.
"yes.." you breathed. "so good."
his fingers traveled down through your folds and teased your entrance. "i’ve got to prepare you a little bit, okay? like this.." and he slid one finger inside of you slowly, pumping in and out. you had done this to yourself before but this was completely different. you had never felt like this before. "there you go, baby." once he felt you had gotten used to the first finger, he added a second. he moved them in and out slowly, his thumb rubbing softly on your clit. you could feel your orgasm building. you were embarrassed by how quickly it had come. but you had been waiting so long for him to touch you like this, you couldn’t help it. he could feel you fluttering around his fingers. "are you going to cum?" he whispered against your neck, his lips pressing soft kisses, his teeth nibbling.
"yes.. yes fuck." you panted.
"go ahead, baby. let go."
and you did, you clamped down on his fingers, his name falling from your lips as your body shook.
he had been fantasizing about you moaning his name like that for so long now that it took everything in him not to bust right then. he took a deep breath, pulling his fingers out of you. you watched as he brought them to his mouth and licked them clean, your pussy dripping and pulsing, begging for more. he leaned over the side of the bed and fished a condom out of his pants pocket.
"are you ready?" he asked, holding the condom up.
"yes please." you said, breathless.
"ooh so polite." he teased, giggling as he tore the foil pack open. you watched as he pumped himself a few times, precum leaking from his swollen tip, before sliding the condom down his length. he leaned down and cupped your face, kissing you softly. "remember, we can stop at any time. just tell me. okay?"
"i don’t want to stop." you said, desperate. "please don’t stop."
he smiled. "i won’t unless you tell me to." he knelt in front of you, his hands on your knees, spreading your legs. he lined himself up with your entrance before slowly pushing the tip in. you gasped and his head fell back, his mouth open. he slowly inched his way inside, giving you time to adjust. you whined under him, your eyes squeezing shut at the stretch. "i know, baby. i know." he said. "you’re doing so good." once you felt his thighs on the back of yours, he stilled. letting you properly adjust to his size. he could feel you pulsing around him, his cock begging to cum. "i’m gonna move now, okay?"
you nodded frantically. "yes. yes please, please."
he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, his pace increasing with each thrust. he wasn’t going to last much longer. he knew that. "fuck— baby you feel so g—good." he stuttered. his hands were digging into your hips as he pumped into you. his mouth open, his eyebrows scrunched together, his hair sticking to his forehead. "are you doing okay?"
"fuck yes.." you gasped. "gonna— gonna cum."
he could feel you squeezing around him. he fell down on to his elbows, his arms caging your head, his panting breath in your ear. he continued pumping in and out of you, the wet sounds filling the room. "cum with m-me baby." he said. "fuck- fuck-"
you squeezed him tighter as your orgasm washed over you, you vision going dark. his thrusts got sloppy and then stopped all together as he spilled into the condom. he collapsed next to you, his panting matching your own. he lazily kissed your jaw and your shoulder. "i love you.." he said.
you froze.
"shit- sorry." he said. "i- i didn’t mean to ruin the moment.. it slipped out."
you turned to face him, his brown eyes looking worried. "i love you too.."
his hand caressed your cheek, his thumb rubbing softly back and forth. "really? you’re not just saying that because your overcome with emotion right now?"
you shook your head no. "i’ve been in love with you for a while now.." you confessed.
he chuckled. "i’ve been in love with you for a while. guess we were both too scared to say anything."
you nodded, feeling blissfully happy. you nuzzled into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.
"are you okay?" he asked. "was that.. okay?"
"i feel amazing." you said, your voice muffled by his chest. "i’m glad i waited for someone i truly love."
"gahh my heart." he said, squeezing you tighter,
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I wish everyone who see a curly hair and makes jokes about the volume a very much KILL YOURSELF
#seriously I have an aunt that sometimes visit before I can even shower and my hair is with a lot of volume because I JUST WOKEN UP#AND SHE ALWAYS SAY SOMETHING LIKE OHH I CAN'T FIND YOUR FACE WITH ALL THIS HAIR#FUCK YOUUU#like lately I am pretty much secure about my hair#but hearing this when I was in transition made me hate my hair#FUCK OFF YES IT DOES HAVE VOLUME ITS CURLY HAIR WHAT DO YOU EXPECT#but also she is kinda the reason I started to use with even more volume#just to show that I LIKE#anyway curly hair problems#.txt
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