#yes he was pissy earlier but valid

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Belgian Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso

[synesindri]

i’m just validating myself here so i can go back to enjoying something i like that i’ve kind of dug myself into a hole with lately :p regrettably earnest discussion of spn lucifer and fandom below

i can say whatever about why late seasons lucifer doesn’t sit right with me, but the fact of the matter is that that is how lucifer canonically is in later seasons, and like, fine. however, it is also true that 1) supernatural’s lore, writing, and characterization is not consistent in almost any way, and so attempts to try to make them consistent are admirable but ultimately foolhardy (i say, as someone with a long and ongoing record of jumping through hoops to make spn lore/characterization make sense), 2) even if everything made perfect sense in spn all the time, it is still fair to have gotten attached to an earlier version of a character and to be sad and in denial about the direction they ended up going (to character jump for an example, it does make sense that sam got more passive after everything he went through, but plenty of people are sad about that, and prefer to imagine that it went differently for him — or even choose to ignore later seasons entirely in order to focus on the characterization they prefer from the earlier seasons). 

s5 lucifer reads differently if you want to include late seasons’ characterization in your interpretation than if you prefer not to. some people weren’t surprised by the direction the character went, and welcomed what they got. some people found it to be inconsistent with the character from earlier seasons. both responses are fair, but people with different views are just going to react differently to attempts to analyze the same material because they are differently motivated.

personally, i stopped watching the show in large part because i didn’t like the direction it was going with angel lore and angel characterization. personally, i liked the angels best when they were very inhuman, and dealt with morality differently from how the human characters did, and were in many ways deeply unpredictable to the audience/the winchesters as a result, regardless of their levels of internal predictability. this was a problem for me with the angels across the board, but it’s most jarring to me with the character of lucifer, who, to me, was a deeply interesting character due to his intense moral complexity, his wild swings between human relatability and extreme alienness, and his perspectives/motivations that just don’t track easily from a creature-of-earth viewpoint. to me, later seasons messed around with that in a way that made the character, and the character’s interactions with others, a lot less interesting. i understand that others do not share this opinion, and that some people feel that the later seasons’ additions made the character more interesting, and like, cool, good for them, i’m glad they can enjoy something i don’t. 

i am not personally disturbed by the idea of lucifer being a character that hurts others, deliberately or through being so very Other. that’s something he canonically does in every season he’s in, and i enjoy it that the character is very dangerous and can be cruel. however, i do have a preferred characterization that i built from intensive scrutiny of season 5 that is internally consistent with that material, and there are certain types of dangerousness and cruelty that fit with that characterization and other types that don’t. it is not the only internally consistent interpretation of the character with that material; it is not necessarily the most interesting to anybody other than me, but it is mine, and i find it interesting, and it does make sense (and again, yes, it is clown behavior to get pissy about anything in supernatural making sense). to me, what is disturbing is that late seasons lucifer imo reads as less celestial and more animal, his relationships with others less ambiguous and more categorizable. and i don’t like it! and it’s fine that i don’t like it. it’s fine that others do, but it’s fine that i don’t, and it doesn’t mean i’m wubbifying the character or whatever that i feel let down in the particular ways i feel let down (and, of course, it’s fine to wubbify characters if that’s what you want to do). 

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [I think may as well start from the start and we can just skip around and get all the potential jealousy 'cos why not, so this can be 2nd day] Janis: they invited you down the pub after? Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: no need to rub it in, lad with the neck tattoos does fancy me, he's just having a go at the long game Janis: have to tell him how many hours you've got left, like Jimmy: DIY tattoo so he knows it's real Janis: 😏 Janis: would hate for you to miss your chance is all, with your lack of English skills and him not being able to count Janis: 🌠💘 Jimmy: Tah mate Jimmy: nice to see a life of crime ain't changed nowt and you're still the same romantic Janis: anything to get him off my case Janis: nothing personal Jimmy: I get it, you've only got eyes for the one with 💪🏆🥇 Jimmy: just a couple of athletes falling for each other Janis: obvs Janis: fully thick enough to see this as perfect dating grounds Janis: petty criminals are the most eligible of bachelors 😍 Jimmy: duh Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: we all know you're that thick, mate Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: such a sweet talker today, you Janis: me? Jimmy: you heard Janis: you're funny Jimmy: must be all the #bants flying about Jimmy: can't take all the credit off the lads though Janis: this is why it's a good thing you don't go to boarding school Janis: never hack it Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🙌 Janis: sure he don't want you making friends with any more undesirables Janis: be so buzzin' Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: party at the Taylor gaff, forget the pub lads Janis: gotta 1up your 💕, yeah Janis: bit rude Jimmy: he 💕s it Janis: duh Jimmy: you coming to my party then, Jules? Janis: you have fucked over my other plans Jimmy: OR I'm a 🥇 wingman and you're free now to have a #datenight with 💪🏆🥇 Janis: answered your own question there then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: know it's purely selfish though Jimmy: It's alright, I forgive you for choosing 💕 over mates Janis: I was talking about you, dickhead Jimmy: Me? Janis: 🙄 Janis: yes you Jimmy: Doing it to make Ian's day, that's selfLESS, my dear Janis: you clearly just wanna give neck tattoo a new one Jimmy: hot Jimmy: but if I were gonna I'd just invite him over Janis: don't wanna be weird about it Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I ain't been hanging with the flat whites so long that I've lost every 🏆 Jimmy: basic's not catching Janis: sure 😏 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Touchy Jimmy: Piss off 💕 Jimmy: that better? Janis: you tell me Jimmy: nah, you tell me Jimmy: you're 💔 Janis: am I now Jimmy: I just said Janis: so that means it must be fact Jimmy: Answered your own question there Jimmy: Only fake nice, me Janis: better tell your mate Jimmy: ? Janis: 🕸💘🌢🐍🕈 Janis: be rude to lead him on Jimmy: he don't want me to be nice Janis: 👍 Jimmy: must be bored if you're that invested in my 💕 life Janis: no, picking litter is the biggest thrill of my life Janis: rivals the sleepover Jimmy: obvs, you rich girls love to slum it Janis: only when they look like 💪🏆🥇 Jimmy: I get it, you're bored enough to try and 💔😭 me Jimmy: bit rude Janis: don't need to try Jimmy: [throws something at her, excuse him everyone] Janis: [does 😭 boohoo face at him] Jimmy: I'll have my 😭 in a bit, don't rush me, Janet Janis: s'alright Janis: know you can't keep up, that's not news Jimmy: you inspired me, might as well make it proper 🎨 more like Janis: I look forward to the ------------- stories Jimmy: Just deciding if I wanna tattoo the cliche 🌢 or a 🖤 or a sarky ☻ Jimmy: get his attention an' all Janis: Hoe Janis: you got a 50/50 he's a racist though so worth a shot that one Jimmy: [selfies of him with those deliberately badly drawn on top of the photo like what do you think] Janis: with skills like that, get the pen and needle out now, like Jimmy: could always get your name done, Bill'd be proper chuffed Jimmy: 🤞 wouldn't forget it as easy either Janis: clearly works for some 😍🤤 Jimmy: that's that sorted Jimmy: ✔ Janis: interested to see what name you settle on Jimmy: your actual, Juliet Jimmy: obvs Janis: not paying for the laser 💁 Jimmy: I'll just put a ❌ through it Jimmy: keep the 🥀 though Janis: Classy Janis: love that for you Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: really gonna make Ian's day that Janis: he got any? Jimmy: @ him Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm already v busy here Janis: not gonna chat up your dad, tah Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Jimmy: gutted for him and you Jimmy: my poor baby Janis: yeah, all boys want step mums, I get it Jimmy: told you before, don't want you as mine Jimmy: if nowt else it'd be dead weird when he can't keep hold of you longer than a few days Janis: bit rude Janis: you know I'm dedicated 💪🥇 Jimmy: were talking about his flaws not yours Janis: I can fix him Janis: got some tips from the gals Jimmy: you're too busy, that were what you just said Janis: yeah but now you don't want me to, I clearly have to Jimmy: crack on then Jimmy: you know his @ Jimmy: and address Janis: thanks for your blessing Jimmy: see you at the wedding Jimmy: 👋 Janis: awh Janis: look well cute in your matching suits Jimmy: duh Jimmy: get some flower girl garb for the 🐕💕 Janis: providing he ain't kicked her out again, deffo Jimmy: she'll do herself in when he kicks you out any road 💔 Janis: 🎻💔🎻 Janis: so rude Jimmy: he is, yeah Jimmy: not news Janis: c'est la vie Janis: well in with Mia's now Jimmy: could try and put something in the vows if you've got your 🖤 but we know who the real daddy™ is Jimmy: set* Jimmy: what's Mia's last name? Janis: Dunno Janis: something suitably plain Janis: you know the vibe, Taylor Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can't even fake offended? Janis: 💔 Jimmy: name's the top thing he's done for me if we're gonna rate any of the bollocks Janis: guess I'm just blatantly jealous then Janis: #cantrelate Jimmy: so soz Joanne Jimmy: my sister hates hers if that dries your eyes any, bit too much like a 🐕 Janis: Yeah, love making kids cry, me Jimmy: got the wrong one, there's no danger with her Janis: 👌 Janis: you're easy, don't matter Jimmy: she'll make you cry when you're her new step mum Jimmy: I'll be 😂 Janis: anything to make you smile, babe Jimmy: cute Janis: you are Jimmy: you ain't got time for flirting, we all heard you Janis: not flirting, bighead Jimmy: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: I won't tell the others Janis: I'm not the one that's concerned if they know Janis: [look back like that's right] Jimmy: Why would I care? Jimmy: massive slag so you said earlier Janis: She probably don't wanna feel like one and all though Jimmy: What are you on about? Janis: like you don't know, alright Jimmy: wouldn't have asked if I did Janis: come on, you're well blatant Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you and your hero vibes 💕 Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: 😂 alright Jimmy: Alright, dickhead Janis: don't be pissy Janis: she's obviously into it Jimmy: shut up Janis: why you being moody about it Jimmy: Why are you being a knobhead about the fact I ain't one? Janis: I ain't? Janis: I'm not the one you want 🏆 from so no need to go that far Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you Janis: How am I? Jimmy: Not being a massive twat to her doesn't mean I'm 😍💕 Janis: didn't say you were Jimmy: What then? Janis: just don't act like your intentions are any purer than theirs Janis: that's bollocks Jimmy: I don't have intentions, that's bollocks Janis: alright Jimmy: is it? Janis: 'course Jimmy: you gonna leave it out now or what? Janis: alright Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: [a look at her like are you alright though] Janis: [defiant one back like obvs am, YOU drop it] Jimmy: [😒] Janis: [sticks her tongue out at him like a child but also like cheer up] Jimmy: [just shaking his head like he's so #over it] Janis: [🙄] Jimmy: [giving them back and then ignoring her like he's so busy] Janis: [so 😒] Jimmy: [oh lads you do make me laugh] Janis: [clearly having so much #bants with these lads] Jimmy: [#fuming] Janis: [I'm like be careful gal, god knows the sort lmao] Jimmy: [same though I'm too much of a grandma for this] Janis: [as tempting as it would be to #trigger your parents, not gonna take one home] Jimmy: [Ali getting hit with those mems of all her shit exes like] Janis: [mhmm that and Edie's] Jimmy: [you should do it gal] Janis: [cannot though 'cos had a fake boyfriend] Janis: has* Jimmy: [I'm like but still do it though, you don't have to seduce said delinquent] Janis: [just bringing one home to hang lmao no boo] Jimmy: [😿] Janis: [they mad enough at Jimmy, it's fine] Jimmy: [true] Janis: [not playing that dangerous game ty] Jimmy: [plus Jimothy 😒 enough too rn] Janis: 🚬 break? Jimmy: You're alright Janis: okay Janis: well can I have one Jimmy: [comes over and hands her the 🚬 and lighter like there you go] Janis: [taking it like cheers but looking at him like ?] Jimmy: [walking away like a rude hoe cos there's too much drama at school] Janis: [just like excuse me but walking off in another direction to 🚬 like fine then] Jimmy: [I like to think he's gonna go somewhere else to do it because that petty bitch] Janis: you quit or what Jimmy: What kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one, apparently Jimmy: wouldn't be very on brand or #goals of me Janis: no shit, like Jimmy: There you go then Janis: thanks for clearing that up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck sake Jimmy: What now? Janis: don't say you ain't in a mood if you are Jimmy: I've said nowt one way or other Janis: no need now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: yeah I got it Janis: fuck you too, like Jimmy: Yeah, I got it an' all Jimmy: You're on one today Janis: Oh right, it's me that's in the mood Jimmy: too right, girl Janis: Oh my God Jimmy: *😱😱😱 Janis: just shut up then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: Great Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😑 Jimmy: Alright Janis: what does that mean Jimmy: it means I know when to stop Janis: If I could give you a look right now, I would Janis: bullshit do you Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: not stopping you Janis: you don't wanna so why would I Jimmy: 'cause you do wanna Jimmy: you just said, if you could, you would Janis: just meaning I can't 👀 you Janis: not that immature Jimmy: so come see me Janis: who's over there Jimmy: I am Jimmy: you're the only mate I've got, you know that Janis: you don't need to sobstory Janis: just admit you want me to come over too Jimmy: there's no 🎻🎻 playing Jimmy: you're the only mate I want Janis: don't flirt with me now, like Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I dunno yet Janis: could be really bad Jimmy: I ain't scared of you Janis: that's your first mistake then Janis: [obviously comes over] Jimmy: [the eye contact though] Janis: [just dying but managing to be like 'what'] Jimmy: [just pulling her closer to him like she hasn't come here enough for his liking] Janis: [lil noise that you could pretend was protest but is not] Jimmy: [such a LOOK] Janis: ['Jimmy' the frustration like boy Jimmy: [you know he's gonna say her name too in response to kill us all] Janis: [makeout o'clock] Jimmy: [no regrets] Janis: [gotta be done yo] Jimmy: [we know what you two are like] Janis: [hoes my boo say] Jimmy: [#extra] Janis: [literally have work to do here] Jimmy: [lol don't be getting in trouble on day 2 please] Janis: [such rebhogs] Jimmy: [love you nerds so much] Janis: [shall we skip to our next jealousy event?] Jimmy: [why not] Janis: [what's the mood] Jimmy: [like clearly we gotta kick it up a notch with this girl somehow but not too far yet hmm] Janis: [what is a could be friendly/could be flirty thing, have a think] Jimmy: [maybe she invites him to something obvs not as highkey as the date moment later? like maybe she's into photography too and there's something art hoe-y idk]] Janis: [that's a good idea, let's do that] Jimmy: [maybe they are gonna do something fake dating and he can't cos he's going to that] Janis: [that's a good way for her to even know it's a thing so yeah, deffo] Jimmy: [come at me girl] Janis: You ready to go? Jimmy: ? Janis: we were going cinema with 'em Jimmy: shit, I thought that were tomorrow Janis: Ha, I wish Janis: why? Jimmy: [sends her the deets to the thing which in my head is like one of those walking tour things where you take pics so it's also like a photography class or something cos again don't need to be that swag] Janis: Oh Janis: alright Janis: you coulda mentioned that earlier 🙄 Jimmy: like I said, I reckoned the 👀🍿🔪 were the next day Janis: well it ain't Janis: just say you're sick, again Janis: don't matter Jimmy: say I'm stuck babysitting, you can fake you're with me and you won't have to go either Janis: Not planning on going regardless, tah Janis: but that works Janis: sure they'll be devastated either way 💔 Jimmy: hope the film's a sad one then Jimmy: bit awkward to 😭 at a comedy Janis: hasn't stopped 'em before Jimmy: 💔 when a lad don't show tbf Janis: you can send the fruit baskets if you have time Janis: again, nothing new to 'em is it Jimmy: only thing close to a fruit I recognise is 🥔 Jimmy: they really would be devastated if I sent 'em chips Janis: best to just 👻 'em Janis: comfort in familiarity and all that Jimmy: ✔ Janis: have fun then, nerd Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: my 🎨 homework ain't done itself, and if that's anyone's fault it's yours Jimmy: what kind of muse Janis: if you're asking me to do your homework, not that hard-up for plan bs Jimmy: wouldn't trust you to do nowt as far as I could chuck you, babe Janis: 💔 so gutted Jimmy: Obvs Jimmy: come round in a bit if you want, won't make you do any homework Janis: Wow, so tempting Janis: you're alright Jimmy: Alright Janis: go impress the art hoes with that chat Jimmy: got need to say owt Jimmy: don't* Jimmy: 😎🚬📷 Janis: that's handy Jimmy: you can shut up an' all Janis: n'awh Janis: calm down Jimmy: ladies first Janis: Forgot, you can't handle any #bants Jimmy: I can handle everything you've got, girl Jimmy: deny that but you can't properly forget it Janis: don't tell me to shut up then Jimmy: come on, it's all just #bants Janis: Try harder then Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: ? Jimmy: you heard me Janis: I don't know what you're chatting though Jimmy: Why are you being so mardy? It ain't a hard question Janis: 'cos I've got to talk to them and answer all their questions Janis: 'cos you can't remember what day of the week it is Jimmy: I'll do it then Janis: don't bother Janis: as if they won't be in my inbox regardless to see if we're sticking to the same story or what the truth of it really is Jimmy: I'm sorry, alright? Janis: Yeah Jimmy: I'll think of something well #goals to drag 'em to Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Alright, no need to be a twat with it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: miss you an' all Janis: save that kind of believability for your captions Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [he should 100% take a pic that has community service girl in it or she should tag him in one either way so she knows the gal is there] Janis: [the sarcastic ❤ that is getting lmao] Jimmy: [like realistically she's probably tagged him because he's not gonna jeopardise fake dating babysitting story they've concocted but yeah] Janis: You're such an amateur Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Hardly Janis: getting caught and tagged in photographic evidence Janis: you know nothing about having a sidechick or what Jimmy: 1. I weren't gonna tell her to keep me well out of shot 'cause I have a fake dating scam I'm pulling Jimmy: 2 They know when it was posted not when it were taken Janis: Handle your business Janis: first you forget the plan then you totally fucking risk it all Jimmy: Calm down Jimmy: They ain't nudes Janis: Same diff when you get papped out and about on your date Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: just untag it and do better next time Jimmy: Duh Janis: Duh @ yourself, rookie Janis: embarrassing Jimmy: Piss off Janis: tell your gf the deal and we wouldn't have to have this convo Jimmy: she's nowt of the sort and I ain't telling her nowt either Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: if you're gonna have a real love life, you've got to end your fake first Janis: simple as Jimmy: I'm not Janis: okay Jimmy: is it? Janis: I mean, if you're gonna go on what look like dates with all your pals, the untag rule still needs to apply probably Jimmy: I'm not thick Jimmy: it weren't like I posed for her Janis: then how do you not get what that was Jimmy: ? Janis: you don't just invite random lads to shit like that and just take photos they happen to be in Janis: this is meant to be your thing, work it out Jimmy: Nah, you're making it a thing it ain't Jimmy: taking photos of people you're with ain't a big deal, she don't know that we're surrounded by weird 💀 lasses Janis: oh, I get it Jimmy: Good Janis: willful ignorance ain't the same as actual Janis: but it's all the same to this fake shit so Janis: point remains Jimmy: if you've got a point to make, just make it Janis: Literally did Jimmy: Great talk then, babe Janis: Not really Janis: makes you blind, sure Janis: add stupid to the list Jimmy: send me the full one when you're done 🖋🌢 Janis: It's simple Janis: don't fuck my shit up for me Janis: I get to end it, that's the deal Janis: the minimum you have to do is tell me when before you fuck it all up yourself Jimmy: I haven't and I won't Jimmy: Like I promised Jimmy: you don't look a twat, it's all alright Janis: As you said, they're psychotic Janis: no doubt they'll see it Jimmy: if they had, they'd be in both our DMs Janis: or, they think you're cheating because with that last-minute cancellation they're already suspicious and they're keeping it in their back pocket to use as and when they see fit Janis: if you think you can think like such a normal girl like your gf so clearly is then you've forgotten what you're up against Jimmy: I ain't up against nowt 'cause they'd need more than a picture I'm barely in and they ain't gonna get it Janis: make sure they don't then Jimmy: I just said as much Janis: then we're done here Janis: checking you understand Jimmy: I don't work for you, my dear Jimmy: rich girl or nah you don't need to talk to me like staff Janis: that's what this is, it's business Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: we're mates when it suits you Janis: and not when it comes to the deal Janis: that has nothing to do with any of it Jimmy: You're such a massive dickhead Janis: Yeah, well so are you Jimmy: don't lump me in with you Jimmy: I ain't being rude like that Janis: Right, you're such a nice person and I'm just the worst Janis: fine, I don't care Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You're being so Janis: what Jimmy: Leave it out Jimmy: it's just bollocks Janis: yeah, like I said Janis: conversation over Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: that's literally what you wanted Jimmy: How is it? Janis: 'cept I guess you did want me to come over and fuck you when you were done Janis: which is fucked Jimmy: You know what, this chat is over 'cause I'm fucked if I know what to say to that Janis: what part of that is not exactly what happened though Jimmy: any of it Janis: then we remember it very differently Jimmy: I got that Janis: well you're right, I can't be bothered to sit here and listen to how I'm wrong Jimmy: fuck off then Jimmy: suits me Janis: yeah, no shit Jimmy: stop going on at me Janis: I'll say what I like Jimmy: You can't be bothered to listen and you're chatting shit Janis: Listen to what? Jimmy: owt I'm saying Janis: I've heard everything you've had to say Jimmy: so just do one Jimmy: I ain't them, not gonna keep this bollocks going for the #drama Janis: fuck off telling me what to do and do it yourself Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: come and talk to me when you've sorted your head out and stopped being a fucking nightmare Janis: and I can't drop it? Janis: Piss off Jimmy: It ain't me who wants to Janis: yeah you wanna have a go Janis: fuck that Janis: I've done nothing wrong Jimmy: It ain't down to me that that's the only way you wanna chat Janis: I don't wanna hear about your date Janis: that ain't the kinda mate I am Jimmy: It's not and I weren't trying to 🗨 about it either way Janis: you can't just not mention it Janis: yeah, what you been up to, like Jimmy: I did mention it, I'm trying to get my homework done, case closed Janis: Great talk, babe Jimmy: make your mind up Janis: if it gets you to see how we've got fuck all to talk about faster Jimmy: but I just wanna fuck, yeah? So what would I wanna talk to you for? Jimmy: get your story sorted and come back Janis: exactly Janis: you don't need to try as much Janis: 😎🚬 right? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: This is literally your fault Jimmy: I ain't done nowt except get the day of the week wrong Janis: s'all you had to fucking get right Jimmy: I said sorry Jimmy: And I said I'll think of something else to win 'em over with Jimmy: what else do you want? Janis: Let me be pissed off Jimmy: I ain't stopping you Janis: yes you are Janis: if you're gonna be a twat then be a twat Janis: don't come back trying to fix it Jimmy: Alright Janis: okay? Janis: good Jimmy: night then Janis: bye Jimmy: [should we do a skip here?] Janis: [probably lol, she won't start it again at this point unless he does] Jimmy: [he's likewise a stubborn bitch so should probably reconvene at community service lol] Janis: [good idea] Jimmy: [god knows how this convo gonna start up again, like probably with his idea for the flat whites but I don't have one] Janis: [my boo say hmm] Jimmy: [if we're saying the festival let's say he sends her deets for it] Janis: ? Janis: did you send that to the wrong person Jimmy: I have gotta send it to the rest of 'em but only if you say yeah Janis: What? Jimmy: it's the 🥇💡 I promised to deliver Jimmy: 💌✔ Jimmy: Keep up Janis: Oh Janis: Yeah, they'd probably be about that Janis: rich girls love slumming it Jimmy: You in then? Janis: Both days? Jimmy: Up to you that Janis: It'd be less of a #moment if you didn't offer the camping so, if we're gonna Jimmy: 👍 Janis: let 'em know then Janis: dig out the wellies Jimmy: [sends her screenshots of their hilarious responses] Janis: Oh, Christ Janis: at least there's plenty of 🕛 to fuck them over and make this torture worth it Jimmy: like I said 🥇💡 Janis: alright, not the worst you've ever had Janis: am gonna have to dig out a tent though Jimmy: can't help you there Jimmy: got a sleeping bag but nowt else Janis: I'll make it a 2-man and you'll have to deal Janis: not sharing with any of them Jimmy: I'll live Janis: so chuffed Jimmy: chuffed to hear it Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: alright Janis: [comes over like tah but doesn't say anything] Jimmy: [we know the drill he's gonna light it for her because does it without thinking at this point] Janis: [the awkward lingering on an exchange] Jimmy: [we're all just dying] Janis: [ahh the unspoken tension] Jimmy: [5ever a thing] Janis: [but esp. now] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [when you wanna break but can't think of anything worth breaking over so you must resist] Jimmy: [when silence comes too naturally for you and you think you're shit with words anyway so you just leave it] Janis: [ahh the joys, debating if to rush the cigarette to escape or drag it out so you at least have an excuse to be near each other] Jimmy: [we all know he'll shamelessly light another one cos that bitch, boy you seriously will never heal] Janis: [you gotta walk off girl] Jimmy: [gotta watch her go] Janis: how we getting there? Jimmy: Mia's broomstick? Janis: doubt it's got the weight capacity Janis: I'll float it, see who's parents will, I guess Jimmy: sure her daddy would 💕 to Janis: 'course Janis: but be a bit obvious if he asks to take me Janis: gonna need 2 cars and I doubt I'm making it into Mia's carriage, like Jimmy: her mum can drive the other one, make it a family reunion Janis: still a romantic Janis: his DMs shoulda shook that out of you Jimmy: I work in retail, unshakeable me Jimmy: 👀 and 👂 worse Janis: better give 💀👑 some coping tips whilst we're there then Janis: she's not okay 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭🖤🩸 Janis: Yeah, really bring that sincerity Jimmy: obvs Janis: is it though Jimmy: she ain't gonna give me any 🏆 and I wouldn't take 'em off her if she tried Jimmy: 💔 I know Janis: s'weird Jimmy: nowt about her ain't Jimmy: not news that Janis: I mean how little she tries to flirt with you to piss me off Janis: definitely thought that'd be her main strategy Jimmy: 🤢🤢 shut up Janis: Fair, how could you compete with Daddy? Janis: 😍 only man for her Jimmy: he is well fit Janis: I'm sure we'd all commit incest for him Jimmy: bit young for me but I'd still have a crack, only human, like Janis: duh Janis: sure she has a granddad you can ask after Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 Janis: more excited about this weekend by the second, aren't ya Jimmy: duh Jimmy: [coughs dramatically IRL but it's not fake he's just a mess who ain't looking after himself] Jimmy: might 💀💀💀 me Janis: sounds it Janis: not very cute, is it, babes Jimmy: her granddad might be about it, you don't know Jimmy: 🤞❤ Janis: I doubt he's into old blokes as well Jimmy: tah for pissing on my hopes and dreams Janis: just saying 💁 Janis: old people like to avoid thinking about their imminent 💀💀💀 Janis: not be reminded of it when you cough up a lung Jimmy: I were one, don't need telling Jimmy: 🤞 it does come out and I can chuck a more 🥇💪 one in Janis: yeah but you're one of a kind, so you like to remind me Janis: well I draw the line at organ donation so off you fuck Jimmy: might've been wrong at least once, again you don't know Jimmy: and I weren't asking for yours Jimmy: seen you 🚬 they'd be crap Janis: I know of plenty of times you've been wrong, if you really want the reminder, granddad Janis: you aren't in a position to be fussy, fuck you Jimmy: Bollocks do you Jimmy: and I can do what I like Janis: Psh Janis: sure can, long as it ain't too taxing on your lungs, eh Jimmy: funny Janis: don't need telling Jimmy: 'course you don't, bighead Jimmy: might have been trying to convince myself to 😂 Jimmy: you know so I don't 😭 Janis: not all that bad Jimmy: what's not? Janis: dunno Janis: was offering platitude Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I get it Janis: tats didn't text you back, yeah? Jimmy: he's yesterday's news, got a new girlfriend now, don't I? Jimmy: [let's say she checked he was alright when he coughed cos would've hurt and would make it awks haha] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: bringing that sincerity yourself, Jasmine Jimmy: well impressed Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: Why would I want owt? Janis: then don't comment Jimmy: you'd have to post something first Janis: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: thrilling as this all is Jimmy: yeah, go on Jimmy: off you fuck Janis: don't be rude Jimmy: don't hang about when you were about to do one just 'cause I said 👋 Janis: you're that type, alright Jimmy: call me what you like, babe Janis: no wonder you fit right in Janis: get a bird and you got no time for your mates Jimmy: I ain't got no mates, get it right Janis: is it any wonder Jimmy: that I don't want any? Jimmy: nah not living round here it's not Janis: people are cunts wherever you go Jimmy: ☀ today, you Jimmy: Tah for that Janis: We ain't friends Janis: try being less of a cunt and see what you get back from people, there's the silver-lining for you Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: [another dramatic coughing interlude] Janis: For God's sake Janis: go see a doctor Jimmy: You ain't my step mum yet Janis: you're doing my head in Jimmy: mutual that Janis: you can ignore me Janis: you're making a right performance out of this Jimmy: It's all for Bill's 👻 soz Janis: 'course it is Jimmy: got his 💰 on when it'll turn proper 💀💀💀 scene Janis: if you need to resort to winning sympathy already I'm glad I didn't give you no more than the 👍 Jimmy: there you go again, so funny you Janis: it's not funny Jimmy: my broken rib or how much it's doing your head in? either way 💔🎻 Janis: any of it Janis: [leaves the room/area they're in] Jimmy: [obvs gotta follow her even if he gets in trouble for doing it because priorities] Janis: [looking back like 'Jimmy, do not follow me right now'] Jimmy: [does though cos that bitch] Janis: ['I can't even push you so don't'] Jimmy: ['can do, got loads of other ribs to bust'] Janis: [a face like don't even joke] Jimmy: [a face like I'm not] Janis: [shakes head like that's a fucked up thing to say 'I don't wanna hurt you so leave me alone'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'I don't wanna leave you here'] Janis: ['I'm fine' absolutely not but you know] Jimmy: [shakes his head like that's the utter bollocks we know it is and sits] Janis: ['I'm just gonna go, I don't care' looking at the door like do I or nah] Jimmy: [gets up and stands in front of said door so she'd have to move him] Janis: [folding her arms like ugh really, but not making any eye contact right now] Jimmy: [just chilling in front of that door like it's so casual 'if you get in more trouble, I'll never see you'] Janis: ['I don't think they'll put me in prison for missing an afternoon' ah the #bants Jimmy: ['weren't what I said'] Janis: ['I know' pacing casually but not at all casually lol 'you aren't seeing me now so' shrugs] Jimmy: ['I wanna though'] Janis: [the grumpiest lil sad face that you try and make purely grumpy like you're #overit 'clearly not'] Jimmy: [comes over to her so he's right in that grumpy face 'I said, I want to'] Janis: [when you blurt out 'I won't kiss you if you're kissing her' like he did not ask but you're just like #triggered by how bad you clearly wanna when he's that close so then you had to hide under your hair] Jimmy: [very gently unfolds her arms and wraps his around her instead 'I'm not kissing anyone, dickhead' but saying dickhead like it's the biggest term of endearment ever rn] Janis: [we peeping like hmm? 'you wanna though'] Jimmy: ['I wanna kiss you, yeah' just moving her hair out of her face but not doing anything else because you think she doesn't want you to] Janis: [just slightly deer in the headlights whilst you process all this 'cos you don't wanna say anything else stupid/give yourself away harder 'promise?' and actual eye contact again] Jimmy: [looking at her like I PROMISE and we need the caps] Janis: [writes 'promise?' on his arm like tell me though please] Jimmy: [writes it on her without the ? cos he do] Janis: [SUCH a kiss moment bye] Jimmy: [picking her up slightly even though he's not meant to cos we're just in this moment] Janis: [when that does stop you and you put a hand to his ribs like 'I'm sorry'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like it's okay/I'm okay even though not strictly true] Janis: ['I was a dick though, it must be so annoying, waiting for it to heal'] Jimmy: [shrugs because he was a dick too and yeah it's annoying but there's nothing he can do, even though you could take better care of yourself boy we know it] Janis: [just rubbing it almost absentmindedly whilst you snuggle] Jimmy: [having a lovely soft snuggle moment] Janis: ['I missed you'] Jimmy: ['I missed you too'] Janis: [dramatic sigh but actual because this is all such a headfuck always] Jimmy: [just looking at her because heard it obvs they are so close rn and drawing a ? on her skin but I like to think it's somewhere like on her stomach or whatever so he's had to seek it out, maybe her own rib for that parallel] Janis: [breathing in like oh 'cos missed all of this 'I just- I don't-' pausing 'I like it better when we're friends'] Jimmy: ['we don't have to go back yet' because you think that's what she means and then a genuine smile when she says that because #same] Janis: [smiling back] Jimmy: [drawing a ☀ with a smiley face because your hand is still there from before so you might as well] Janis: ['you're cute' 'cos he is and kissing him again] Jimmy: ['you're-' and kissing her more so you don't have to finish that dangerous sentence] Janis: [get a bathroom or something you two] Jimmy: [honestly where even are you #rascals] Janis: [have some alone time either way, not gonna make you get back to work like that, so rude] Jimmy: [we're not that evil] Janis: [only sometimes] Jimmy: [an appropriate amount of evil] Janis: [soz to you community service girl 'cept I'm not at all really] Jimmy: [me either] Janis: [you could tell they came together i 👀 you] Jimmy: [and like even if she only has his 📷 IG there would still be loads of pics of her on there cos muse] Janis: [hussy lmao] Jimmy: [you're as blatant as the lads flirting with Janis] Janis: [giving you no more credit than them lady] Jimmy: [the balls to ask him on a date in the future when you KNOW] Janis: [you been knew] Janis: [shall we go back in or just skip to fest planning/pre vibes?] Jimmy: [I don't mind doing them going back if we can find shit to say because all the #content lol] Janis: [lol same, see what it do, just come out from whatever cupboard/bathroom/secret place you been then, so 😒 about it] Jimmy: [would they get in any trouble do you think? I don't know what the craic is at all #grandma] Janis: [right, so I basically think it's case by case because they could send you to an old people's home and barely check in on you so if the manager of wherever you are is lax then you'd get away with doing the minimum as long as they logged your hours, secondly, I think one thing they should do would be to 'fix' the damage at the school (so the school gets it done for free) but that should just be them and anyone else who got nabbed at the party, so I think when they're there whoever is overseeing would be more extra but maybe here you can get away with a bit more LONG ASS WAY OF SAYING I DON'T THINK THEY NEED TO lmao] Jimmy: [100% agree with that cos then we can do some shit with that too which'll be a different vibe cos like you said more supervised] Janis: [which is a drag but then this girl ain't there so you're shamelessly more happy with that lol] Jimmy: [yeah cos it might literally have just been them who got community service cos their party and they were shamelessly owning it] Janis: [exactly, maybe it's them and some professionals that the school made their 'rents pay for, hence they're more mad about the whole shebang] Jimmy: [Love that, Ian would be so fuming] Janis: [we know, bastard] Jimmy: [Anyway I'll do something to start this chat again lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: [does it IRL] Janis: all good Janis: you? Jimmy: [a half smile that's genuine af but we too 😎 to go too hard in case anyone else be 👀] Janis: [is 😍] Janis: 😏 alright, don't make me swoon onto concrete, like Jimmy: I get it, you don't want a #matching broken bone Jimmy: won't call you a part timer for it or owt Janis: just heavily imply it, yeah Janis: If I have to, rather it's for something 😎 tah Jimmy: Bill's 👻 is gonna be 💔 to overhear that Jimmy: What's 😎 than 💕😍? Janis: I'll 🖋 you both a list 💕 Janis: rather you'd broke something 'fore we came back in, wouldn't be mad about that Jimmy: We'll 🖋 you a sonnet, obvs Jimmy: sorta a one trick 🐴 him Jimmy: That's what we're gonna be doing tonight then? Jimmy: once the 🖋 runs out, like Janis: you're just SO arty, babe, can't be tamed by one medium Janis: once you've given yourself the tattoo, definitely Janis: pain for pain, like Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: Where do you want me to put it? Janis: you know that, don't do yourself down Janis: OHH you mean the 💘 Janis: can't ask you to ruin your face, neck tats have obviously been tainted, hmm 🤔 Jimmy: you can ask me for owt, you know that Janis: well, don't tell me that Jimmy: just did do Janis: I know Janis: but we only just came back in Jimmy: That's alright, loads we can still do Jimmy: never not got my 🖋 on me, for a start Janis: 'course Janis: 'til we decide where to put it permanently then Janis: [comes over and is looking expectantly like where's the pen then] Jimmy: [mimes taking it from behind her ear cos he's a NERD and then writes the beginning of a poem that just thought up cos #sonnet was promised on her skin with a fingertip, god knows how many words she'd be able to make out cos it's not easy lol] Janis: [cute ass concentration face trying to make it out 'cos you care what he gotta say but just loving how it feels most of all tbh, lifting his sleeve to give him a classic bicep tattoo moment with her fingertip that says 'talented' like 😏] Jimmy: [so 😍 and then trying not to 😳 when you work out what she's written cos always shy about it we know] Janis: [the lads are fully gonna be wheyying at this like the immature boys they is] Jimmy: [such fun I hope that girl has gone for a pee or a 🚬 because if you saw this you literally can't ask him out bitch] Janis: [that's what I'm saying, shameless, they came into this well 😍 even if there has been moments since, rude] Jimmy: [hate her] Janis: [you ain't the only one, but we not thinking about you rn thank you] Jimmy: [😒 at this annoying lads though] Janis: [honestly, you gotta ignore 'em as much as poss. though 'cos they'd just start shit for fun, we know the vibes] Jimmy: [went to school with so many lads like that] Janis: [hard same, you gotta hold your own or they'll bully you but don't rise to it either 'cos that's even funnier] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [you gotta go back to work though lads, calm down] Jimmy: [but also don't ever cos we love it] Janis: [all the #bants probably alerted whoever was meant to be supervising you though, so at least you can be so #starcrossed about it still] Janis: do you have to be so distracting Jimmy: Do you? Jimmy: If you have to then I obvs do an' all Jimmy: that competitive, me Janis: What a coincidence, me too Janis: guess we'll have to deal with it Jimmy: Take our 🏆🏆 and run? Janis: Worked the first time Jimmy: alright Jimmy: take your headstart then Janis: With your lungs? Janis: you need a good 10 on me Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: could beat you if I had the one Janis: Oh sweetie Jimmy: less 🗨 more 🏃 my dear Janis: waiting to watch you go, baby 😘 Jimmy: cute Jimmy: Where are we going in a bit? Janis: Where do you wanna go? Janis: shop for your festival ootd? Janis: get a wax and tan? Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: but where do you wanna go? Janis: that's the real question Janis: could go pub, save your da's stash for a night Jimmy: we are gonna need it to sort this festival bollocks out Jimmy: [does the gun mime shooting her then himself] Janis: we can make it fun Janis: you piss on their tent when you're wasted Janis: I'll drop their shit in the mud by 'accident' Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: easy Janis: can get on stage end of last night for the suicide pact Janis: gotta make a final scene of it all Jimmy: Bill's gonna be well proud Jimmy: 🥇💡 baby Janis: what kind of leading lady? 💪🏆 Jimmy: You're alright Janis: At least Bill's proud of me Janis: ultimate Daddy Jimmy: What you starting a 👻🥊 for? Janis: Drama, darling Janis: love it, me Jimmy: You're meant to have me in on it not use it against me, girl Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Babe, you'll win so easy Janis: he wears tights, jussayin' Jimmy: might get distracted then Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: 😂😂 Janis: idk how old he was when he died but technically hundreds of years old now, so Jimmy: 52 Janis: Your nerd is showing Jimmy: *😎 Janis: Sure, baby Janis: 'bout to break that bone rn Jimmy: [throws something at her as standard] Janis: Oi Janis: [throwing something back, of course] Jimmy: [playful nudge because we probably can't have a full play fight rn but] Janis: is it prison rules Janis: or can we ask what the rest are in for Jimmy: have a go Jimmy: you'll soon find out Janis: dick Janis: want me to get shiv'd, that's so mean 🥺 Jimmy: Baby Jimmy: I'll obvs dive dramatically in the way of it Jimmy: 💀💀💀 for you any time Janis: it's not a bullet and I ain't sure I trust your reflexes but if you fuck it up you'll have to cradle me in your arms 'fore you get to off yourself Janis: Bill will like that Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: 💕 Janis: be well bloody Janis: so hot, so welcome Janis: 💕 Jimmy: brb need a bit to calm down now before I can do owt Janis: solid excuse Janis: don't actually be fuckiing off without me though Janis: the rudest Jimmy: don't sound like nowt I would do Janis: You're alright Janis: can think of more times you've invited me than not so let you have it Jimmy: Tah very much Janis: thank me later and get the first round in Janis: then I'll know you mean it 😍 Jimmy: Alright Janis: just don't come for my generous 👑 Jimmy: it were mine first, I let you borrow it 'cause I'm that generous, but I'll have it back Janis: you're such a revisionist Jimmy: Oi, I ain't done revision a day in my life Jimmy: you 🤓 Janis: Go write your 👻🖋 biography, loser 😜 Jimmy: [writes an extra post so they can flirt on socials instead cos been a while] Janis: [it has and you need to get this lovey-dovey out your system or you're gonna say more than you should in a serious way rn lol] Jimmy: [that's the hottest tea] Janis: [like it is so soon but not yet bitches] Jimmy: [you gotta let us 🥛 it a bit please lads] Janis: [this is still moving at an extra rate like it's fine, you're still highkey] Jimmy: [school ain't even started back yet so yeah it is] Janis: [we all been knew but shh, pretend this is just sex like how remotely Jimmy: [in what world, we all see you being soft as] Janis: [Jimothy is too soft to do any less] Jimmy: [he is the anti-Mia he can never just hook up] Janis: [god bless, like you have but it was terrible so we don't wanna do that again fast] Jimmy: [I love my soft son] Janis: [we all do] Jimmy: [except Mia who never flirts with him] Janis: [because she loves her dad, she lowkey never flirts just gets boys like come on when it suits her purpose] Jimmy: [what a horrible thought] Janis: [isn't it just, like you consented so it fine but poor Pablo, not a mood not a moment, as much as any of your hookups are, I'm sure] Jimmy: [He's far too hot for her, as is Harold, not about it thank you] Janis: [lads like that don't have standards, like not gonna date you but will fuck you if you're offering] Jimmy: [we all know the type] Janis: [and that is not this cute egg] Jimmy: [they being adorable af rn on socials so deal with that Mia] Janis: [get ready for this festival experience ladies] Jimmy: [Grace would be 1000% trying to get out of going because she does not do camping honey] Janis: [they're all going to be such stereotypes, like being way overdressed, ending up in the med tent 'cos one of you faints or eats shit in the crowd, one of 'em getting schwasted and totally lost] Jimmy: [1000% having all of that happen] Jimmy: [one of them should also hook up with a lad who's with all his mates that they then can't get rid of cos always a thing like fuck off out of our tent please] Janis: [like on some girls then she's checking which one she hooked up with like is it the cute one or nah lol] Jimmy: [I'm gutted they took that iplayer cos I don't remember that but yes] Janis: [awh no, they like work the t-shirt stand for some reason for someone to get funds and they keep calling Viva boring so then she gets really high and they have to put her to bed and Holly gets off with one of the boys...they're all dressed like where's wally or something equally as bants] Jimmy: [I do remember them calling her boring now you've said it] Janis: [ahh, I liked that show] Jimmy: [same though and a rewatch would be #inspo if we can find it Janis: [how stupid Amber was is Asia, and they all wanted to fuck her dad lmao okay I'll find it] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna do here or do we wanna do the pub maybe?] Janis: [we can pub it, they being cute, all is well, its the vibe] Jimmy: [yaaas] Janis: [plan this moment and have moments lads] Jimmy: [she's still wearing his clothes and I'm living] Janis: [@ community service girl, could they be more obvious, I know they both covered in lovebites too 'cos always] Jimmy: [such a fat mood] Janis: [when you gonna have to go home to get this tent and undoubtedly have a massive row with your parentals wutwut] Jimmy: [can always make him come with if we wanna make it more awkward] Janis: [lol we should, also get grace to vouch for you like she's been hanging out with me/I'm going to the festival, not that Janis would let 'em stop her but they'll have to try] Jimmy: [I'm down and then he can stay there for a change so Cass will be mad at him before they even go to the festival lol] Janis: [soz babe, she'll take him away less when she knows the tea more] Jimmy: [soz you can't come babe but it's not a cool one like you're imagining] Janis: [imagine how much she'd die laughing at the flat whites but also wanna smack 'em] Jimmy: [she 100% has to meet more of them than just Asia who's the only one she has at this point, I'll say she comes to the CG at some point before he gets fired] Janis: [simply must, we make Grace babysit at some point but she'll probably keep out of her way lol] Jimmy: [she'll her 'bf' by then potentially so probably I'm so glad they get back together when they're older] Janis: [n'awh, jyler forever honey] Jimmy: [anyway he's getting the first drink in as promised] Janis: 👍 lad Jimmy: 😘 Janis: never needed this more Jimmy: more where it came from Janis: cheers for explaining how pubs work to me 😏 Jimmy: my pleasure, rich girl Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I meant I were good for more than the one round any road Janis: that a promise? Jimmy: Do you want it to be? Janis: What kind of question is that? Janis: Pisshead, according to yo Janis: u* Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: if 🍺 were what you meant Janis: I wasn't gonna order a cocktail Janis: don't reckon they do 'em beyond throwing all the spirits in and seeing what happens Janis: you're safe Jimmy: but you might be chatting shit about my stamina again Janis: that doesn't sound like something I'd do Janis: always hyping you up, mate Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're more than welcome to prove your stamina to me any time you like though Janis: just generous like that 💁 Jimmy: [obvs does starting by pulling her chair closer to him and then her into his lap when she is like oh hey] Janis: ['oh' 'cos not expecting that but 😏 about it 'cos favourite, just looking back at him like hey yourself] Jimmy: [actually says hey like a little nerd] Janis: [lols, with him not at him, taking a sip of her 🍺 like this is well casual, 'alright?'] Jimmy: [you know her cute laugh kills him so we gotta kiss her neck so she can't be noticing that he's really 😍 'you?' because he knows what he's doing with that saucy behavior] Janis: [another 'oh!' but with feeling, honey, shifting forward so you're even closer in his lap 'you know, pretty good' 'cos love a challenge moment esp. when you shouldn't] Jimmy: [challenge forever accepted gal cos he wasn't going that hard from the off so it's easy to go harder without having to do anything more extra yet seeing as how you just got here] Janis: [just enjoying this far too much, running your fingers through his hair at the back of his head 'you missed me, yeah?'] Jimmy: [going in on whichever bit of her neck/that general area she likes him to the most as an answer because obviously] Janis: [going in on him 'cos it's mutual obviously] Jimmy: [we living our best lives before we've even had a drink how cute] Janis: [how you get anything done is impressive lads, literally so distracted] Jimmy: [there's nobody else around to annoy you be that other community service kids or the peeps in charge so you can just be extra to your heart's content as long as you don't get thrown out this pub before you're done] Janis: [I'm sure you've picked a place they've seen worse, rebhogs that you are] Jimmy: [so deliberately mhmm] Janis: [when you don't wanna be bothered or run into anyone you might know/knows you] Jimmy: [#relatable] Janis: [so into each other, at least you don't really need to plan plan for this festival moment, we know what we're doing] Jimmy: [Let Mia stress, you guys are fine] Janis: [we all know they're all gonna bring too much shit and it's gonna be the wrong shit and that's half the fun honey] Jimmy: [imagine how much the flat whites have been chatting to each other like !!! since he invited them lol] Janis: [casual frenzy like the prep time you have not been given, the horror, lmao] Jimmy: [trying to keep it chill in the chat JJ are in but Asia keeps writing the wrong things in the wrong chat cos she's dumb] Janis: [oh Asia, how shaming, just peak amusement] Jimmy: [Mia's ready to kill her lol] Janis: [when your squad embarrasses you constantly but you have to keep people around that you can manipulate and feel better than so 🤷] Jimmy: [Oh gals] Janis: [I can see the glitter lewks now] Jimmy: [I will genuinely see if I can do some Grace snaps or something cos I'm sorting my folders cos pinterest will likely actually have some basic shit for me] Janis: [you'll have a field-day, deffo should] Jimmy: [Obvs I'll try and do JJ shit too but that'll be harder as per] Janis: [I have some outsidey pics of her so we'll give it a shot] Jimmy: [they can't keep us down] Janis: [you two cannot be tamed in any way, as is apparent rn and how quickly this devolved, good thing we didn't invite the gals to plan lmao] Jimmy: [we should do a planning session with them even if like we do a group chat moment like when we did the school project lol cos you're not invited to the pub ever ladies] Janis: [lol we should it'd be tricky but funny] Jimmy: [Even if we just do a Grace and Janis convo or something to ref it like] Janis: [I don't mind trying, we probably have to agree on their personalities so I don't mess up the ones I do] Jimmy: [lbr they are all pretty much the same but yeah] Janis: [yeah I think I been knew tbh] Jimmy: [I've only got Grace and Asia so far so you can decide who you want lol] Janis: I'll take #2 and Tammy, who both need actual names lol, then whoever wants to be evil can be Mia too] Jimmy: [I think you should cos I'm just a soft hufflepuff baby] Janis: [hohaha lil babby, okay I can do it] Jimmy: [love you boo] Janis: [you wanna do it before we do the festivals? just finish up here] Jimmy: [I think so because 'planning' which is basically just them being annoying and JJ regretting this idea but if we want we could skip around and do some shit in the group chat too when they're actually there for the lols] Janis: [okay, I shall print this 'cos we know what's up here probably...unless we wanna skip to when they go get the tent and the cali row 'cos that would be awkwarrrrd] Jimmy: [oh yeah I do wanna do that because hilarious] Janis: [I'm like do we wanna make him leave and her 'stay' like she won't stay but just to get him out the door 'cos don't want him around them and this whole vibe] Jimmy: [that makes sense] Janis: [you might have to come at me then 'cos she's just silently seething and hiding now] Jimmy: [Alright, what are we saying the vibe was when he left, like how did they leave things?] Janis: [assumedly Cali were like come here please and trying to talk to her and then that devolved into a shouting match so then she probably just came in like soz you gotta go and if he was like come with she was like nah 'cos too angry so] Jimmy: [let's say it's later because 1. they blatantly had that 'argument' and both needed to calm down and 2. it'd take him ages to get home and then would have to deal with his own fam when he has] Jimmy: [okay so he sends her a selfie so she knows he made it home and didn't get lost] Janis: 👍 Janis: didn't get murdered by a roaming serial killer then Jimmy: still time Janis: only if he breaks in, less chance of that Jimmy: ain't 🔒 in yet Janis: living dangerously Janis: very 😎🚬 Jimmy: 😎🚬 is right Janis: neither me nor your faulty lung is shocked Janis: soz if you were tryna get me on the ground again Jimmy: 💔 Janis: have one for me Jimmy: gutted I can't make the 🚬☁ into a 💔 for you an' all though Janis: Same Janis: thought you were talented Jimmy: you said I were Jimmy: have to cross out the 🖋💘 on my 💪 now Janis: match my name, gotta keep it #aesthetic Jimmy: #ultimategoals Janis: tell you what's ultimate goals, if you're still on side Janis: 💀💀 my parents for me Janis: won't turn on you when we get caught or anything, I promise 🤞💕 Jimmy: 💕😍😘 Jimmy: got nowt else on, why the fuck not? Janis: great, knew I kept you 'round for something Janis: I mean, ILY babes Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: proper felt that Janis: nothing but sincerity for you, honey 💕 Jimmy: expect nowt else Janis: know what they say about expectations Jimmy: Go on Janis: I dunno Janis: something about disappointment Jimmy: Tah for that Jimmy: I'll tune my 🎻 Janis: never said I was Bill Jimmy: never a truer word, mate Jimmy: there's only the one Janis: yeah and you 💕 him so much 'cos you're such a 🤓 Janis: I know, I'm cool with it Jimmy: Alright, shut up Jimmy: like I said, nowt else on, might as well do my homework Jimmy: take advantage of the 👻 who never pisses off Janis: maybe you remind him of his boyfriend Janis: idk if he had just the one Jimmy: such a romantic, you Janis: be a good report, all I'm thinking, everyone would leave you well alone after that Jimmy: I'll crack on with that then Janis: remember, gotta make 'em love you 'fore that though, make parting with you the sweetest of sorrow Jimmy: Obvs Janis: soz, forgot you're such a pro Janis: you can approve their hundred of outfit options for me, if you want Jimmy: Do you want that kind of fake boyfriend? Jimmy: telling you what you wear Janis: I know, be well hypocritical of you to judge anyone's style Jimmy: Piss off Janis: that's where the line is drawn, yeah? Jimmy: what line? Janis: THE line Janis: you're fit and mysterious, you should know Jimmy: that's more of a 🚬☁ around me Jimmy: I can draw you being a dickhead if you want though Jimmy: 🥇 inspiration being offered Janis: charming Jimmy: yeah you are, that's what I'm saying Janis: know what you're saying Janis: not thick Jimmy: you want a 🏆? Janis: sure Janis: can piss in it on this trip instead of risking the portaloos Jimmy: always 🤔 you Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: got talents beyond being a dickhead believe it or not Jimmy: ain't convinced but alright Janis: well now you're just wanting a 🏆 of your own Janis: good luck Jimmy: might drink outta mine, long as we don't get 'em mixed up Jimmy: not a #kinkunlocked Janis: 🤢 Janis: you're disgusting, boy Jimmy: I just said I weren't into it Jimmy: make me protest any harder and it'll sound like I am Janis: an animal Janis: ugh Janis: I'M NOT GONNA PEE ON YOU STOP ASKING OMG Jimmy: 😏 won't bother saying please then Janis: ugh, like maybe for our month-a-versary but you CANNOT tell anyone Jimmy: If it don't go on stories what's the point? Janis: exhibitionism is more of a given than a #kinkunlocked Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: love a bit of 👀👂 me Jimmy: full spotlight or nowt, tah Janis: such a ⭐ Janis: I draw the line at 💩 FOR REALS though Jimmy: 💔 Janis: I know Janis: thank God it's all fake, right Jimmy: and near over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: but I don't reckon me 🤢 on my homework'll fly as a decent excuse so stop being bloody grim please Janis: you that loves it, not me Janis: I'm just doing whatever you want to be the best gf ever, what is more relatable to the doormats Jimmy: we ain't doing relatable we're doing #aspirational babes Jimmy: I'm probably meant to be your doormat Janis: Mia would be about that, deffo Janis: not sure on the rest, their dominatrix vibe is not that strong Jimmy: There you go then Jimmy: she's 👑 its her opinion that matters Janis: don't tell her that Janis: o out on the spot Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: mhmm Janis: had enough shit today without that smugness being thrown my way Jimmy: now that's #relatable Janis: voice of the people, me Jimmy: take your 🏆 Jimmy: can give her a smack with it when we get there Janis: hot Janis: use her blood for my motd Jimmy: I've got talents that don't begin and end with being a dickhead an' all Janis: I know, I've told you Janis: not rude like you Jimmy: you have your moments Janis: tah for the glowing review Janis: can I quote you? Jimmy: Where's the quote going? Janis: CV Janis: tell my 'rents, like Jimmy: I'll give you a better one then Janis: well don't lie Jimmy: Don't sound like me that Janis: only sometimes Jimmy: [writes her a silly and funny fake CV with little doodles and everything cos he's a BIG nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: that's so Janis: definitely get me a job at CG Jimmy: were my plan all along Jimmy: take my job and I'll 👻 Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: Let's go then Jimmy: ready to walk through a wall right about now, me Janis: you know who's on shift or Jimmy: Don't have my �� set on going there or owt Jimmy: just going Janis: where Janis: or is that an official 👻 secret Jimmy: Do I need a where? Janis: nah Janis: just nosy Jimmy: so you coming or what? Janis: I'm still in the same mood, you know Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: you finished your homework? Jimmy: that a dealbreaker? Janis: only fuck with 🤓s Jimmy: Alright, I won't tell you I was lying about doing owt Janis: s'alright, not been doing fuck all myself Jimmy: marding counts when you do it well as you Janis: fuck off Jimmy: just take the compliment Janis: it ain't a compliment Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: course it is Janis: you don't know, they're fucking nightmares Jimmy: I weren't offering them a 🏆 Jimmy: just you Janis: call me a 🙀 all you wanna but ain't in the mood for bullshit and pisstaking rn Jimmy: what are you in the mood for? Jimmy: Let's do that Janis: alright Janis: meet me here [gym location] in about fucking forever 'cos I've got to bus it there Jimmy: I'll take his car if you want, he's a fucking nightmare an' all Janis: as good as the mems in there are Janis: don't worry Jimmy: Alright Janis: I do have the tent to drop off at yours though Jimmy: if he keeps doing my head in, I'll want it Janis: What's today's 😡🤬 Mr. T? Jimmy: @ him Janis: you say you don't want me to be your step-mum Janis: always tryna hook us up though 👀🙄 Jimmy: nowt personal I just don't wanna 🗨 to him Janis: #relatable Jimmy: #fated Jimmy: me and you Janis: someone should write our story into like Janis: a play Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I'll crack on with while I'm waiting for your bus to bring you in Janis: you'll wait for me? Janis: baby Jimmy: You reckon I can find [location] on my own? Jimmy: need you to hold my hand Janis: shh don't make it #ungoals Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: more like it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: can we fake one thing for real? Jimmy: What? Janis: pretend you never heard any of that back there, yeah? Janis: Sadly 'pretend I don't have a family' is just too unrealistic 😕 Jimmy: can't hear fuck all, me Jimmy: that your plan back then, were it? Janis: obviously Janis: you'd already had to hear enough from my sister, trying to do you a favour Jimmy: ✔ job done Janis: 👍 Janis: cheers then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [sends her a selfie of him already waiting at where the bus drops her like a little 🐕 cos wanted to leave his gaff] Janis: well that's just rude Janis: you aren't allowed to look that good when I'm not there to do something about it Jimmy: I told you before there's loads we can do Jimmy: just get your 🖋 Janis: I should've left with you Janis: you can have that in writing Jimmy: you can come back with me in a bit Janis: that's the only rule, isn't it Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: are you sure Jimmy: if you don't wanna, say that Janis: not what I said Janis: or wanna Jimmy: sorted then Janis: this time, you're not going to leave before I can make you feel good Jimmy: that's why I don't need asking if I'm sure Janis: you won't regret it Jimmy: I don't Janis: Me either Jimmy: good Janis: [sends him a pouty selfie from the bus like get me outta here now] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: Stop trying to 💀💀💀 me, I get a kiss first, ask Bill he'll tell you Janis: [cheeky video blowing him a kiss like there you go] Janis: if you and Bill can wait though, you'll get more Jimmy: Bill can do one, I got here ages ago Janis: 😏 Janis: alright, just for you Jimmy: and you Janis: me and you then Jimmy: [sends her a little video of him doing a smoke ring heart cos there are ways you can actually do it who knew and I like to think he's using his time wisely to figure out how] Janis: you're so hot it hurts though Janis: actually indecent Jimmy: That's you Janis: I want you so bad right now Jimmy: I don't want it to hurt though Janis: I don't mind Janis: I like it Jimmy: you're just Janis: tell me Jimmy: you're so fucking Jimmy: worth being stuck here for Janis: damn Janis: that was Jimmy: Everything's shit and I don't care 'cause there's barely room for owt but you in my head anyway Janis: I just wanna be with you all the time Janis: that's how much I think about you anyway Jimmy: be here when you want Jimmy: I've already chucked the rule out Janis: tempting Jimmy: that's you an' all Janis: where'd you learn to say all the right things, like Jimmy: You're my muse, have a word with yourself Janis: Imagine if we'd never done this Janis: for real, no fake shit Jimmy: I don't wanna imagine that, tah Janis: Me either Janis: you were always good but you're a lot better when you're being you Jimmy: I said stop trying to 💀💀💀 me, didn't I? Janis: I'm sorry, just can't stop thinking about how much I regret not leaving with you Janis: which then makes me think about all the other things I regret about you Janis: like not fucking you for real a lot, lot sooner Jimmy: I get it, I do Janis: You better Jimmy: come on, you know there's shit even I can't fake Jimmy: no lad's that oscar worthy Janis: Good Janis: I'm sick of fake Jimmy: If you need me to show you again that it's not, you'll be able to feel it, no challenge Janis: there's no limit on how many times you can show me, is there Janis: bears repeating again and again, I reckon Jimmy: only limit's how much you can take so you tell me, girl Janis: Jesus Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: You can't be saying my name like that Jimmy: you'll get struck down by the other one Janis: I can't say it out loud right now Janis: but if that's how I go, not mad about it Jimmy: you're going nowhere but here yet Janis: oh Jimmy: How can I can get you to say it? Janis: say what Jimmy: you said you can't say my name out loud right now, thing is, I wanna hear it Janis: well Janis: maybe I could be convinced Jimmy: [🔥 sext of course because now is a good time] Janis: It hits different when you mean it Jimmy: not what I'm waiting to 👂 but I'll take it Janis: I can't give you what you want that easy Jimmy: Why? Janis: wouldn't be very 🥇 would it Jimmy: if I give you what you want an' all, what can be more 🥇 than that? Janis: but Janis: no, okay Janis: [that 🔥 audio] Jimmy: fuck Janis: yeah Janis: your fault Jimmy: if an apology is what you're after I'll give it my best 'cause I said owt you want but Janis: you know what I really want though Janis: or do I have to try harder Jimmy: you don't have to try Janis: I will though Jimmy: I know Janis: Good Jimmy: What I still dunno is how you're so Janis: You just Janis: make me want you Jimmy: there's nowt you could do to make me want you more than I do Jimmy: other than be here Janis: fuck this fucking bus Janis: I swear, next time I have to be on it you will be too and we'll make the most of just how long it takes Jimmy: got that in writing Janis: I'll write it all over you if you like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: only if it inspires some great work of art from you too, obviously Jimmy: Alright Janis: 🤞 it won't feel like work Jimmy: never does Janis: I'll take that as a glowing review, yeah 😏 Jimmy: can do Jimmy: but I'll do better if that's what you want Janis: Fuck words Janis: I'm bad at 'em Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: You'll find the right words then Janis: 'cos I don't have to think then Janis: or stop myself Jimmy: there's no need to now Janis: 'course there is Jimmy: course there ain't Janis: you can't get me to make a dickhead of myself that easy Jimmy: weren't part of my plan Janis: what is the plan? Jimmy: you brought me here, don't you have your own? Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'd forgotten about that Jimmy: I get it, there's some other shit you'd rather do first since you said Janis: pretty much Janis: who knew there are ways to work out your frustration that aren't punching things? Jimmy: I could've told you but I'd be risking a smack Janis: not without the pads on Janis: not fucked off with you Jimmy: you were a bit ago Janis: come on Jimmy: What? Janis: you were just there Jimmy: yeah Janis: you don't want me to say the s word do you Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: dunno Jimmy: fuck words, weren't that what you just said? Jimmy: I don't need that one Janis: good Janis: weren't gonna say it but still want you to be there when I get there so Jimmy: not making it that easy for you to get rid Janis: don't Janis: I wanna keep you Janis: around Jimmy: you can't give it out like you're shit at words and then put them ones together for me Janis: something about you, makes me wish I was good Jimmy: You're good Janis: nah Jimmy: you heard me, I reckon you're good Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: am I gonna have to say your name again to get you speechless or what Jimmy: Dunno the answer to that until you do, do I? Janis: [sends audio saying his name all sexy but then tells him to 'shut the fuck up' deadpan for the lols] Jimmy: 👏 still on track for that oscar, babe Janis: I don't wanna be fake Jimmy: well, I don't believe you want me to shut up, so it's alright Janis: tell me something then Janis: truth for a truth Janis: but don't tell me you wanna fuck my sister 'cos I don't wanna hear it Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: What do you wanna hear then? Janis: that's all you've got to friggin' say, is it Janis: literally anything that's real, I don't care Jimmy: got loads to say, me Jimmy: known for it ain't I? Janis: go on Jimmy: put me on the spot a bit but alright Janis: you just need to make me feel not like a twat for the overshare Jimmy: this shouldn't be fake, nowt about that's an overshare Jimmy: you don't have to feel like a twat for saying what we both know Janis: I meant what I said about keeping you around Jimmy: and I meant when I said you're worth sticking around for Janis: yeah Janis: you did say that Janis: ignore me Janis: my head is fucked Jimmy: I can't ignore you, that's true if you still want something that is Janis: I can say sorry for that then Jimmy: don't though Janis: my family are insane, and everyone chats shit on me constantly, most of all Mia and co who you now know are literally psycho Janis: I'd have to really hate you to wanna put any of that on you Jimmy: Go on and hate me then Janis: you want me to? Jimmy: is it gonna mean we're in this together? Jimmy: 'cause there's nowt you just said that near enough don't apply to me an' all but I'm still sitting here and you said you wanted me to be Jimmy: things are alright how they are Jimmy: aren't they? Janis: I do, I wanna see you Janis: it's alright for me Janis: good Jimmy: so leave the sorry's out Janis: I'll never say sorry to you again Janis: how's that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: Alright Janis: I'll say I hate you if it's a #kinkunlocked but I won't mean it Janis: soz 💁 Jimmy: can't let you even if it is Jimmy: you don't wanna be fake, I heard you Janis: next time Jimmy: you're gonna change your mind? Janis: next time it can be your choice Janis: fake as you like Jimmy: what makes you reckon I'll pick different to you? Janis: you implied you want me to say it Jimmy: Nah, I said I can handle all the bollocks you listed off Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Janis: have plenty chance to show me in a sec Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: Are you actually nearly here or what? Janis: Yeah Janis: 5 minutes Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: can't count it as my personal best Janis: bus driver slowing me down Jimmy: 🎻💔💔🎻 Jimmy: must not be a follower, a proper #fan would NEVER Janis: might wanna follow me though Janis: get ready to defend my honour Jimmy: I'll get him on 📷 love giving a shout out, me Janis: name and shame, more like Jimmy: you alright? Janis: nothing I can't handle Janis: 💪🏆 Jimmy: weren't what I asked, bighead Janis: say your name is Jamie, if he asks Janis: 👀 like he heard your real one Jimmy: ask him his, got a lovely voice, me Jimmy: he'll soon forget owt else he might've heard Janis: 😂 Janis: stop Janis: already look certifiable here Jimmy: go on Jimmy: 💰 on it being 😍😍🤤 as names go Janis: Alright but this counts as a dare Jimmy: I get that you're gutted every dickhead don't wear a name tag, #kinkunlocked an' all, but it don't count as nowt unless he answers, mate Janis: 'scuse me I like ease of conversation, James Janis: not at all that I'm shamed and it's all your fault Janis: It's Rob Janis: Robbo to his mates Jimmy: [a hilarious voice memo for him] Jimmy: put that to his 👂 Jimmy: I could do with a decent mate Janis: fuck you cunt 😂 Janis: [sneaky filming this confused man's reaction, probably like please leave me alone oh kids] Jimmy: wonder why I'm scouting for new talent, mouth like that Jimmy: outrageous you Janis: oh, such an 😇 Janis: tell my 'rents and your dad that it was all me and my influence then Jimmy: Robbo is, god bless that beautiful man Jimmy: you can shut up though Janis: not getting off now Janis: drive on, Rob Janis: breaking my heart, you Jimmy: Baby Janis: Remember when I was the only mate you wanted 😢 Jimmy: it were a simpler time, before any of us were keen to ride off into the sunset with Rob Janis: say bye to you now then Janis: forever Jimmy: remember when you wanted to keep me about 😢😢 Janis: you did this, don't try to turn it around on me Janis: I'm devastated Janis: being consoled so much rn Jimmy: bit rude that you won't fight for me Jimmy: ruder for you that he won't do as good a job of that as I would Janis: Robbo is well hard, who am I to compete Janis: you reckon you can give it a go though, yeah? Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 that bollocks were it? Jimmy: and duh can give owt a go, me Janis: 🥇 at lots of shit, more than most Janis: 🥇 mate though? probs not Jimmy: just come here Jimmy: I rate you Jimmy: you're so Janis: [gets off the bus and full-on movie kiss runs to him] Jimmy: [SUCH an enthusiastic response soz to everyone else who's getting off that bus] Janis: [all the old people giving evils, has literally never cared less about anything] Jimmy: [they're used to getting evils from Mia, old ladies they are unfazed thank you] Janis: [thank god she doesn't take her stalking to that extreme yet] Jimmy: [never been on a bus in her life] Janis: [would make her mum drive them in to school but there's only room for 4 out of 5 so if you were out of favour that day you'd be fucked] Jimmy: [I hope Asia's bfs are old enough to drive cos you know it's her when she's got one] Janis: [🤞 they are 'cos aren't goals in other ways really god bless, she'd so use it as a power play like leave it 'til the last minute the night before so no one knows what they're doing] Jimmy: [she so would, oh Mia, we should 100% say her mum drives them to the festival and decide who we're gonna leave out lol] Janis: [who else should we rope in, like Cali or another parental?[ Jimmy: [we could always have Iggy do it with the van if Cali are being rude cos they don't love jimothy then Grace could come with them which would be so awks] Janis: [makes sense, Grace out of favour 'cos Janis is her sister, like, they can then take all the shit as well which Princess Mia would love] Jimmy: [yeah that's what I thought cos you know Grace is lowkey always like you don't even wanna fuck barista boy so can you chill out] Janis: [and Mia's just like they're just trying to make fools of us, your sister hates you, which like they are but you're just salty] Jimmy: [it true but it's not your place to play on all Grace's insecurities by telling her Janis don't love her, you hoe] Janis: [you don't know it's true you're just losing control and hate it] Jimmy: [Grace is still gonna have a better time in the van with that lot than she would with you and that's tea] Janis: [when your friendship so toxic] Jimmy: [literally just the fact she can like eat what she wants/ listen to what music she wants etc would make it better than being in Mia's car, the bar is so low rn] Janis: [pop off sis, we know they'll be happy to ignore you] Jimmy: [you can talk to whatever hot hippie gf Iggy's got currently it's fine] Janis: [like you probably should talk to her to keep this illusion going but you wouldn't wanna lmao] Jimmy: [we all know she's not expecting it/isn't gonna dob you in to Mia regardless so live your best lives kids] Janis: [we're distracted anyway, back to this] Jimmy: [we always get derailed] Janis: [what do we wanna do here, obvs going back to his after but is there anything we wanna say or do] Jimmy: [good question, we have covered quite a lot already tbf but I'm always down for keeping on cos no chill] Janis: [well you're clearly gonna need to have a moment in the changing room before but you can still have a spar moment after] Jimmy: [yasss, I have spar content from that mmfd scene if you want me to send you any] Janis: [why not sweaty, I hope the place is low-key empty 'cos the blatant sexual tension would be awks for dudes just tryna workout lol] Jimmy: [we can say it is because that was blatantly the last bus seeing as they had to have time to calm down post cali drama and they'd already had a day of community service and been to the pub prior] Janis: [not that you two really care but we'll allow it] Jimmy: [for the sake of not having an audience for once] Janis: [who knows how much alone time you can guarantee back at his] Jimmy: [I vote they sleep under/on the trampoline] Janis: [down, obvs] Jimmy: [slightly more privacy guaranteed though Twix will probably be high key as ever] Janis: [always] Jimmy: [also don't have to deal with Ian always a plus] Janis: [we're all thrilled about that, esp. with the cockblock train the 'rents are on rn] Jimmy: [oh my GOD imagine if he was driving them to the festival not that he ever would] Janis: [the worst car ride in the world lol] Jimmy: [as for rn do steal from his stash again though because very deserved] Janis: [absolutely, don't get drunk though, so dangerously close to saying how you feel] Jimmy: [evil laughing over here] Janis: [trickster] Jimmy: [for real though probably do wait for the festival for the drama] Janis: [love drama] Jimmy: [he should 100% teach her how to do smoke rings cos perfect time if they're sleeping outside] Janis: [yes he must] Jimmy: [and one of the ways to do a heart shape starts with blowing two different sized rings so they can do it together then #realgoals] Janis: [when that's such a moment] Jimmy: [living their best lives] Janis: [so in love tbh] Jimmy: [we 👀 you and so does Cass and she's not shipping it rn] Janis: [a good convo starting point 'is your sister alright? once she's gone from blatantly shading you lol] Jimmy: [just shrugging like you don't care even though we know you do] Janis: [shrugging back like alright 'if you let her cut my hair off in the night I'll be raging at you, like] Jimmy: [a lol that you can't help even though you're not in the mood] Janis: [nudges him like I get it '#1 sister, me' 😏] Jimmy: [just having a furious text convo with Cass so all y'all's secrets aren't outted 'sounds about right that' 😏 'easier or harder to get gold when you've got more than one?'] Janis: [shrugs 'depends how you slice it'] Jimmy: [mimes stabbing her in the back cos gals are bitches] Janis: [mimes pulling it back out and holding it to his throat 'obviously I'm alpha so' shrugs like that's gold 'but if it's majority rules' shrugs like idk] Jimmy: ['hot' shrugs again himself 'won't bother @ing any of your sisters then'] Janis: [a 😒 look 'shut up'] Jimmy: [draws a smiley face shaped mouth with his fingertip in the air right by her mouth and then a ✔ next to it] Janis: ['such a dickhead' but not actually mad about it] Jimmy: [nods because Cass is saying as much and worse lbr rn but sighs fake dramatically because can't show you're really bothered 'blessing and a curse, like' and a LOOK because we all know that he's saying that's what her type is and they wouldn't be here if not] Janis: [patting his head like poor boy 'til he gives you a LOOK then you're giving him one back but you're now needlessly close 'just sounds like a cure to me'] Janis: *curse Jimmy: [giving her a look like oh does it and uses her hair that Cass will thankfully not be cutting off to pull her further in for a kiss] Janis: [carrying on talking between kisses 'yeah, you're stuck with me as your only mate, what could be worse?' and then going harder like yeah, this is SO awful isn't it] Jimmy: [likewise 'but it's not like you're my best mate or owt' and going harder still] Janis: ['how do I make that happen again?' we just going more and more every time obvs] Jimmy: ['Depends' and again likewise of course 'How bad do you want it to?] Janis: [makes a noise that's enough like 'I-' that you can turn it into what you say but not enough like it that it isn't obvious to him 'cos shameless '-think I need time to think about that'] Jimmy: [stops and moves away like he's gonna get up off this trampoline and go in to leave her to think because that bitch 'Alright, see you in a bit, yeah?'] Janis: [does a mini winnie growl like oi] Jimmy: [looking at her in such an ott ? manner like he's so unaware of what could possibly be wrong] Janis: [pulling him back down and pinning him like 'you know'] Jimmy: [so into it, can't even keep the charade of trying to go anywhere/not knowing going because she's the hottest ever 'so tell me what you're thinking about'] Janis: [points at him like she's suddenly lost the ability to use words] Jimmy: ['go on' like please tell me more about this as if she's actually said anything but kissing her softly and distractingly everywhere cos that bitch] Janis: 'you' that resolve broke easily gal 'and how you're so-'] Jimmy: ['what?' because you have to but also you want her to finish that sentence really badly rn] Janis: ['I don't- I'm shit with words, remember'] Jimmy: ['I don't reckon you are, remember' and giving her even more kisses for encouragement but less soft because that's what we're all pretending we like] Janis: ['you're mine' and going the hardest to cover any doubt that you mean that anyway than sexually rn in the moment heheh ok] Jimmy: [going with it because questioning that is too dangerous and uncertain and you just don't wanna tbh not rn anyway plus we all know you'd LOVE hearing that so] Janis: [enjoy that lads, you can worry over it later] Jimmy: [which you so will] Janis: [on both counts, yes] Jimmy: [ILY you two] Janis: [at least you don't have too long to be awks and in the rn you can roll over like you're THAT tired] Jimmy: [doing that thing he always does where he rolls her back over like excuse you, looking at her like bit rude but amused not annoyed] Janis: [does a stage yawn like sorry, what? and attempts to roll away away on the trampoline like good day] Jimmy: ['don't fall off, you might break a bone an' all' jokingly still but a bit more like ?] Janis: ['psh' like how dare you, such a pro, does roll back a bit so it's less obvious you're actually uncomfortable] Jimmy: [just looking at her like are you really gonna make me ask what's wrong? because not an idiot] Janis: [shakes head to get self together, also to be like no/don't] Jimmy: [goes to make tea like that'll make her feel better cos that northern] Janis: [getting him to leave the 🚬s so you can have one] Jimmy: [lights it for her before he goes cos #whipped always] Janis: not smoking yours 🤞 Jimmy: convincing that were Janis: you might notice one missing if you count 'em Janis: clearing my name 'fore you do 😇 Jimmy: 1. you know I can't count, Jules Jimmy: 2. if there are any missing you won't get any 🍪 Janis: 🙀 Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: don't presume my #kinkunlocked there thanks, I want 🍪🍪🍪 Jimmy: weren't challenging you to see how many you could fit in your mouth Jimmy: but alright Janis: 1. I could easily do double if not triple that Janis: 2. get your mind out the gutter Jimmy: If you keep being that hot, how can I? Jimmy: be fair Janis: I know Janis: gift and a curse Jimmy: #relatable Janis: only thing I want hot is my tea Janis: focus please Jimmy: oh shit Jimmy: you're gonna be so 💔💔💔 Janis: have you iced it??? Jimmy: the news is even worse Janis: well, don't keep me in suspense Jimmy: 🚫🍪!!! Janis: I'm leaving Janis: 👋 Jimmy: go via the shop or you ain't never coming back Janis: oh really Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: [comes out with the tea though] Janis: ['am I allowed to drink it before it gets cold or?'] Jimmy: [shrugs but is fully 😏 and hands it to her like there you go] Janis: [shakes her head like idk, you call this service but is also 😏] Jimmy: [hits his mug against hers to do a cheers, don't do a me and spill it all on yourself boy] Janis: [chin chin gals] Jimmy: [having that 🚬 he missed out on but sharing it with her if she wants because that bitch] Janis: [when you fake 😍 to cover actual 'cos he's just that cute] Jimmy: [giving them back because she's so beautiful it's honestly ridiculous] Janis: [pulling a dumb face as if that's gonna make either of you less 😍 really] Jimmy: [now we just having a face pulling contest because competitive forever] Janis: [a fat mood, ending up loling which wasn't the plan but not mad] Jimmy: [and more 😍 because so cute when they lol] Janis: ['bastard' softly and with feeling under your breath 'cos so affronted by his everything rn] Jimmy: ['what?' did he actually hear that or not, we'll never know baby] Janis: ['you heard'] Jimmy: [cups his ear like he so deaf] Janis: ['I'll finish the job if you ain't careful' 😏] Jimmy: [crosses his fingers IRL 😏] Janis: [gets up on his neck and traces a finger over his ear like, I'm deadly serious] Jimmy: [a lil noise cos #same] Janis: [obviously giving it your all at this] Jimmy: [obviously dying] Janis: [whispers right in his ear 'can you hear me now?'] Jimmy: [nods because what can we trust ourselves to say rn boy] Janis: ['good' smiling into his skin before doing more damage 'you're so fucking distracting, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [managing to say 'you' because must but you can imagine how his voice sounds thanks to her and everything she's up to] Janis: [shakes head and her hair probably tickles him, just tracing your finger down from his ear, down his neck and then along his shoulders, going back and forth 'it's you'] Jimmy: [playing with her hair but not as softly as he normally does because that's the #mood 'no it's not'] Janis: [clearly #intoit 'you aren't distracted, your attention is exactly where I want it' and a LOOK to prove her point] Jimmy: [LOOKING back at her because her attention is exactly where he wants it too obvs] Janis: ['I just wanna...' makeout moment] Jimmy: ['I just want you' picture kissing between each word because we highkey] Janis: ['shit' losing yourself in said moment] Jimmy: [keeping all the moments going as long as you can because you said what you said and you obvs meant it] Janis: [just gonna end up in the same position again girl, no point tryna be awkward about it tbh] Jimmy: [soz not soz] Janis: [neither's she] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna do though or should we chill before they give themselves away hardcore?] Janis: [have to actually exhaust themselves eventually, then they can be too busy going in the AM to talk or be real, we fine] Jimmy: [do what you've gotta do to avoid having THAT convo kids] Janis: [soon my babies, soon]

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Hi Darunia. What did you think of the Marta Defense Post I sent you? What did you think of it? Did it have good marit to it?

I’ve seen it before. I admit, the author of the post writes in a convincing manner, but it still doesn’t change my mind. I do feel she spent at LEAST half the game showing the negative traits Lumenary insists were only there for 1/4 of the game and that being 16 isn’t much of an excuse for Marta. 16 definitely excuses her from, say, accusations that “she didn’t stop her father so she is bad.” Like... She is 16, has no real legal or physical power and has no allies so of course she can’t take down Brute and the entire Vanguard by herself. She’s a kid. 30-year-old. Yeah, she might be able to oppose her father (even though it’s definitely not her responsibility to do so). 16-year-old Marta? I don’t blame her at all for stealing the core and running. Despite what Lumenary thinks, my problem with Marta stems not from the fact that she didn’t oppose her dad and the Vanguard. It comes from how she treated Emil.Being 16 does NOT excuse her from being that insensitive to Emil’s and Ratatosk’s needs for a large portion of the game. Her mother being dead also isn’t an excuse. Emil lost both parents and Richter is also an orphan and neither of them have the same boundary-breaching issues Marta has with intimacy. Emil repeatedly confirms what he’s comfortable with and she keeps pushing his limits. (It’s also especially nasty of her to demand Emil choose between Colette and herself IN FRONT OF COLETTE and the only reason Emil avoided giving the ‘wrong answer’ was because he didn’t understand the question and Tenebrae bailed him out. Like... it’s not nice to ask someone to pick favorites in front of the people he’d end up hurting if he said they weren’t his favorite, you know?)Also the part where Marta goes to sacrifice herself to save Luin that Lumenary talks about? I see that as selfish. When Emil asks her to hand over the core to save Luin, he doesn’t understand that removing it is impossible for her without her dying. Yes, he should have let her explain why she couldn’t hand over the core, but as far as he knew, the Vanguard - which Marta was part of - is fighting over this core and the entire reason Palmacosta burned was because of that and Luin was currently under attack for the same reason. As far as Emil knew, all they wanted was the core. And, as far as he knew, it could simply be removed and handed over... and once Tenebrae said she would die? He immediately changed his tune. “We have to tell her!” “SHE ALREADY KNOWS.” She didn’t try to explain again after Emil’s outburst. She didn’t say “I would hand over the core for you if I could, but if I try, it will kill me. And besides that, I think it’s better for us to hang onto it, since I believe what Tenebrae says about the importance of waking Ratatosk.” She didn’t try to explain or wait for Emil to calm down. She just saw he was angry with her and said “LOL, okay, I’ll go die for you. And once Emil realizes she will die? He immediately backs off of that idea, even though Tenebrae REMINDS HIM that the town will ostracize him for protecting Marta and the core. This reads less to me as a noble sacrifice and more like petty squabbling. “Marta, eat your broccoli” “But I don’t wanna!” “But you have to.” “FINE.” Eats broccoli and dies of allergy for SPITE. Now, I’m not saying this is how it’s meant to be read or even the correct way to read that, but it feels like she didn’t even try to explain to Emil again. It’s possible that she thought he wouldn’t listen, but the fact that he listened to Tenebrae suggests that perhaps if she’d said “Dude, it would literally kill me to remove this core” Emil might have said “Oh, yeah, nevermind, handing over the core is a bad idea.” Like... poor negotiation skills is not a trait I admire in Marta, regardless of if she turned herself in to be spiteful or if she never thought of another option or thought it would be noble. She basically just threw her life away without considering other options. (I’m aware the same can be said of Richter, though.)I agree that it’s nice of her to consider Magnar’s wellbeing when Ratatosk decides beating him to death sounds fun for no reason, but saying “Oh she has morals! Look!” doesn’t address my problems with her. I feel Lumenary has a fundamental misunderstanding why a lot of us dislike Marta. She’s a good person. We know she is. Or at least, we know she has morals and wants to help others. We have no qualms with that. “She does fawn over him, but Emil doesn’t stop her. He talks with Tenebrae about how he feels about it, but not with Marta. He willingly holds her hand in Asgard, but when he is VISIBLY embarrassed/awkward about it, she lets go. She’s not trying to make him uncomfortable, and when she can see that he is, she drops whatever she’s doing to try to make up for it. She may get carried away, but at the end of the day she tries her best to be considerate. That fact needs to stop getting overlooked.”I think Emil gives off enough of a clear signal that he’s uncomfy. Yes, it would have been better if he told her earlier that he was uncomfortable instead of just telling Tenebrae, but I feel like he was afraid of hurting her. But here’s the thing. When I was a kid, I thought tickling and hugging were all great signs of affection. I’d tickle and hug everybody. This made people avoid me because tickling isn’t pleasant for a lot of people. Not all of them told me to stop (and frankly I was a little asshole idiot who didn’t stop even when people told me to because laugh=happy to me so I was always just “why would I stop? We’re having fun!”) But just because they didn’t tell me to stop, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have noticed they were uncomfy and STOPPED. I’m not much better than Marta in this respect because it took me until adulthood as well to learn “Hey, stop means stop, no ifs ands or buts. Respect peoples’ boundaries no matter what.” But I’m also not your average joe. So maybe I’m holding Marta to an unfair standard since it’s one I also didn’t meet until recently but I feel like consent matters and since Emil wasn’t enthusiastic about all the affection he was receiving, she should have not only STOPPED when she saw he was uncomfortable, but she should have stopped initiating those activities as well. (Also, at least this is a reminder that they DO hold hands, but... it was kind of mandatory so they didn’t get sent flying by the wind.) Tenebrae really doesn’t help in this endeavor because he also shoves his nose into their relationship and rubs Emil's nose in the fact that he had to hold Marta’s hand and it was awkward. And yeah, she lets go when he asks but she teases him about it. Also IDK if I can call it “willingly” holding hands if it’s for their mutual safety. “Willingly” to me means that if no other factors changed, would he still do it? And he probably wouldn’t have held her hand if it wasn’t for safety. But who knows? Maybe he would have if she asked nicely? It’s hard to say. “Marta doesn’t really acknowledge it afterwards, only getting a bit jealous when Emil later says that Colette was soothing to be around. She tried to fish for compliments from him before and got nothing, but then he casually complimented Colette. Given that he’s her only friend in the world (besides her confusing relationship with Colette), and she has a puppy crush on him, I think it’s pretty understandable why it would make her feel not so great inside.” See, this is what I have a problem with. It’s not even just that she fished for compliments. She actively asked him to choose between herself and Colette. The fact that Emil can’t say anything nice to another girl without making Marta jealous is a little unnerving to me. Jealousy has a purpose and is a valid emotion, but if I was Marta, Emil complementing Colette would be my first sign that maybe he doesn’t like me and I should stop pursuing him. Also, yeah, it’s understandable that she gets upset that Emil is giving extra attention and paying compliments to Colette, but it’s no excuse to make it EMIL’S problem. Her unrequited love is HER problem.“When Emil and Marta end up in Iselia, Emil is extremely agitated from the get go. He makes rude comments, and has an overall bad attitude since it’s Lloyd’s hometown. Marta lost people too, and Lloyd took Lumen’s core, but she chooses to be the bigger person for the sake of their objective.” Double standard is intense. When Marta is being pissy about Colette, it’s forgiveable because she’s “confused and upset” about someone “letting her mom die” but Emil is not deemed “being the bigger person” for not hating Colette right off the bat. But when Emil is upset that he has to be around people who grew up with the guy that he thinks ACTIVELY AND MALICIOUSLY murdered his parents, Marta’s calm demeanor is read as “being the bigger person.” All that tells me is that Lumenary thinks that it’s okay for Marta to be petty because she’s sad someone accidentally killed her Mom, but Emil isn’t allowed the same amount of pettiness because someone ACTIVELY killed his parents.“When Emil finally tells her he doesn’t like the way she treats him (like a prince, etc.) she owns up to it and vows to change. She takes legitimate personal criticism and applies it immediately, and that’s hard to do.” It honestly doesn’t feel like that to me. She is less possessive of him, certainly, but she still doesn’t treat him as an equal. She treats him better, but it’s not enough. And it’s definitely not instant.“She changes her view and without meaning to, starts to love the true Emil. And she tells him that. She tells him, “I think that the real you is much, much cooler than the fantasy I had in my mind.” She acknowledges her flaws in this same scene but by this point, has actually already overcome a lot of them.” This takes her until the end of Chapter 4 to do, which is basically half the game.IDK, again, there’s a lot to like about Marta, but I feel like she doesn’t really begin respecting Emil until the very end of the game, and the interim is just an awkward slurry of her either being weirdly obsessive and creepy or her just... barely trying to change and treat Emil like his own person.

[orphanedwolfandfriends]

So recently my dear friend Peanut made a post that was defending me on a very...hectic, situation.

And I felt that it was worth giving y'all some context. 

Before I do though, do not go witch hunt this person, because it'll make this situation a whole lot worse, and I don't really want people's names to be dragged through the dirt as well. Yeah, you might not care what happens since this person in question can't even google how to make screenshots, but I honestly care immensely...

I wouldn't even recommend giving her advice. She is beyond help, and you'll just be wasting your breath.

So, I'm gonna refer to this child as Cling-a-ling. Because like the civilized person she thinks I'm not, I'm not gonna namedrop.

Lastly, I have rather vague memories on what exactly I said before she blocked me, because yeah, I admit, I was anything but civilized, because I was pissed the fuck off, since this wasn’t the first time she was causing trouble with my dear friend. So naturally, I spat fire. I’m willing to own up to the truth. So believe whatever you wish, but just remember that before you go on,

She has no valid evidence against me.

So, with all of that out of the way, time to get right into the meat of it. So my friend, who I’m gonna refer to as, Optimus, has dealt with this girl for, an unfortunate while. He’s been trying to help her improve herself, but from what I first heard, she still had a lot to learn. A lot. A smorgasbord to learn since the first time she fucked up. Truthfully, I had a lot of high hopes for her when I heard Optimus was gonna try to help her, but hearing that she’s still living up to the Cling-a-ling name, my hopes for her naturally went down the drain. She’d get super pissy and passive-aggressive whenever he has to tell her to stop and that he’s busy with something, and brings little miss Edge to the mix. Yeah. Miss Edge. Because I was told that she has a multiple personality problem. 

Don’t quote me on this, but I personally don’t believe that. I’m convinced that seeing as she doesn’t seem to get help for the supposed disorder, she was just saying that to force Optimus to stay with her. Again, don’t quote me on that, I obviously have no idea, but it just didn’t make any sense to me since I heard diddly squat about her seeing a doctor about that. But at any rate, 

you don’t fuck around with Multiple Personality Disorder.

She was also the same person who was based on that short comic I did a little while ago, y’know, the one where a derpy looking person was saying, “IT’S EITHER THEM OR ME”? And I head locked them? Yeah, she’s the context of that too.

So as I said earlier, I’m willing to own up to the truth, so I was definitely acting hostile towards her the first time she screwed me, Optimus, and his lover over. Yeah. All three of us, were effected by her shit, and we still are now as of recently.

So for one thing, Cling-a-ling accused Optimus’s bae, of hiding on invisible, to start off what was being told to me. I’m not gonna go deep into it, that’s for Bunbun (Optimus’s boyfriend) to speak his mind about if he wishes to, it’s really up to him. Bunbun was at a birthday shindig when that happened too. So, Cling-a-ling thinks she’s both of their wife so she always has to know what they’re doing, or who they’re talking to. 

I call that a Homewreckin’ Thot right off the bat, because, that wife roll is taken. Not by me, but...someone else.

So, the biggest thing that I was told by Optimus through a call on Discord, is that, drum roll please,

Cling-a-ling, told Optimus, that I told her to kill herself, on the day I wasn’t actin’ nice to her. And I wasn’t kidding when I said she can’t google how to make a screenshot, because she claimed “she doesn’t know how to”. Anyone who’s been on the computer for even a day would know exactly how to do that, it isn’t rocket science.

But this is what she calls “evidence”,

First of all, this fuckin’ forged as shit, because here’s the thing. I hate death threats. I’m extremely against them, and would have to be a fucked up noodle to go and say that shit to someone, no matter how much I despise them and their behavior. Only the, “ STOP STOP STOP FUCKING STOP! Stop trying to guilt trip Optimus when u don’t mean it!” sounds familiar. I know for a fact I said that.

EDIT: Sorry if this looks weird, I edited the text on MS Paint since I still didn’t want to namedrop.

I was essentially just telling this child to leave my friends alone, because no matter what she said, it was still an excuse, and guilt tripping to the fucking MAX, which drove me bonkers, because Guilt tripping is another no no in my book. It’s fucking disgusting, don’t do that please.

And I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna just type out this so called “evidence” then, that shit ain’t valid, since it’s pretty OBVIOUS that you didn’t even go back to the DMs to take a look and take some PROPER PROOF. And “not knowing how to take screenshots” does not make you look any less like a fucking liar. I do not appreciate my name being dragged through the dirt like this, and neither did Bunbun or Optimus. They were really, really pissed. And so was Peanut. Because they, and anyone who’s known me for a damn good while, knows I would not sink that low. And when I confirmed that I didn’t do that, that’s what really got them livid, and had them screaming inside.

Because you fuckin’ lied.

Now you may be thinking, “Cayla-mun, why don’t you go back to looking for the DMs yourself?”

She has me blocked, and honestly this little brat has made me question my sanity by looking at her fucking icon alone. I could’ve screen capped the whole thing, yes, but I honestly didn’t think she would go as far as lying about me giving a death threat. I really didn’t. I thought she was better than this, despite guilt tripping the fuck out of Optimus and Bunbun.

Honestly I wish that she took Optimus’s advice...I don’t care how she feels about me, I would want to stay away from someone too if they yelled at me like that. But the fact she lied about me telling her to kill herself, makes me sick to my stomach.

And her being a liability at this point, I sincerely have no hope for her changing in the future. She might surprise me, but I really doubt it.

I talk trash about myself being an asshole a lot. I can definitely get mean, especially when I jump right into action before asking any questions. Yeah, I’m not kidding, that’s a flaw of mine right there. Jumping into conclusions before thinking. It sucks. 

I’m blunt, I’m sassy, I’m a hot head, and like Peanut said, we have gotten into a couple fights in the past. But I know who my friends are, and they know that I would never, ever, tell someone to kill themselves. And I know I wouldn’t do that either. This at first had me laughing because of how obvious it was that it was a lie, but when I went to sleep, I began to see how much it really hurt without laughing through it. Laughter is the best medicine, ain’t it?

I also wish Bunbun and Optimus would just...cut ties with her. But...I don’t know, I’m not force them to do it, despite that they’d be doing themselves a favor and leaving Cling-a-ling with her toxicity. I know they don’t want more drama, but still...I worry to hell about how this will keep going.

So if it isn’t too much trouble, go and give Bunbun and Optimus some love and support. They really need it.

As for Cling-a-ling, I have nothing nice to say about her. So I ain’t gonna say anything at all.

[lilragekitten]

Lol, I’m already so over this holiday season. SO MUCH under the cut oops.

Last night I had a guest check in (well, I didn’t my co-worker did) and the credit card was declined. Grandma was supposed to pay but there wasn’t enough to do the security deposit for the four nights stay, not even for one night. 

(I don’t know about you, but every single hotel I’ve ever been too, I’ve needed A) a credit card (in my name unless someone else was paying and then they had to email/fax over a permission form with all the details) and B) enough funds plus extra (anywhere from 15$-600$ extra one memorable occasion) to cover my ass and the hotels ass.)

Coworker gets in touch with Gma and she says there’s only a 500$ limit on the card and that they can come by later. Guest at counter were tired after a 7 hour drive, so they’re let into the room to nap (as the wife said she was going to do.) At 4pm, Gma comes in with Gpa and his CC. I ask if we’d be able to run for the four nights or are we just doing one, as the guests have said that they’d pay for the remainder of the stay, not a problem, they just don’t have a CC. Gpa says that no, there’s not enough there but we can do one nights worth. I ask if this card can be used to PAY for the one night I’m doing a hold with and he says sure. I asked TWICE bc they... did not seem to understand. 

(what’s super hilarious is that I’ve spoken to Gma on the phone about this reservation like two weeks ago confirming we need a valid credit card at check in to do a hold on it and she said okay.)

I explained as simply as I could “Your credit card is not being charged at the moment, it’s a hold on it for the 190$ which is for tonight’s stay. At check out, in four days, then we will process it as a payment for 187.57$ and that’s when you will be charged” “Oh okay... Can I get a receipt now?” “No... because I haven’t charged you anything so I do not have a receipt to give you. I will after check out, when it’s been paid for.” “Okay but I wont be here, I need a receipt” “We can email you the bill once your family leaves in four days, and your card has been charged then.” “......” He stood there staring at me legit HOLDING OUT HIS HAND. “But how will I know what you charge me?” So I gave him a business card, wrote 187.57$ on it and said. “At check out, this is the amount your card will be charged. You won’t be charged until they leave though. Do you understand?” And he stared at me some more, another guest off to the side look confused and amused, and He asked one more time for a copy of the receipt. 

I sighed heavily and laughed tiredly. Because I couldn’t NOT anymore. “ I don’t have a receipt TO GIVE YOU because you HAVENT PAID FOR ANYTHING yet.” and I turned to help the next guest. I thought that was the end of it.

Oh No.

At 440pm, I get this woman stomping up to the desk. I do not know this lady, I haven’t seen nor spoken to her. “Hi can I help you?”

And Good Lord. 

“YA YOU CAN HELP ME BY GETTING YOUR DAMN STAFF STRAIGHTENED OUT. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CALLED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THESE RESERVATIONS AND I WAS TOLD I NEEDED A CREDIT CARD BUT I DIDNT HAVE ONE SO IT WOULD BE OKAY FOR GRANDMA TO COME IN AND PAY FOR THE ROOM AND NOW YOUR STAFF IS CHANGING UP ALL THE RULES?”

“....Um, can I ask who you are?” (because it’s better to have confirmation before assuming, omg, it is not good to assume anything)

“YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, GRANDMA CALLED AN WOKE ME UP IVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE BABY AND NOW I HAVE THIS TO DEAL WITH I WA SIN A CAR FOR SEVEN HOURS AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE YOUR STAFF CAN’T DO THEIR JOBS”

“okaym but may I know your name ma’am?

“OH YOU’RE GONNA LEARN MY NAME YOU’RE ALL GONNA KNOW MY NAME I CANT BELIEVE THIS. YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ FOR THE ROOM WHEN I WAS TOLD ALL YOU NEEDED WAS ASECURITY DEPOSIT AND-”

“What room are you in ma’am?”

“yOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND NOW YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ WHEN THAT’S THE LIMIT ON THEIR CARD AND THEIR ALL UPSET-”

“Are you XXXXX in -” (I asked bc I was getting tired of being screamed at. She wasn’t just raising her voice, it was a high pitched shrill of ‘I wanna speak to your manager’ except there is no manager, only JennerJen and I am Tired and you’re causing a scene Brenda (not her real name)

“YES IM xxxx IN ROOM xxx!! AS YOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND I-”

“Ma’am, I’m not the girl that served you earlier, can I explain what I actually have done?”

“Oh.” Yeah... she stopped.. and stared at me. (later on she admitted we all looked alike, dressing the same (uniform) despite my like 6 or so inches on my coworker, my brown hair vs her red, my glasses and her not... BUT ANYWAYS)

“Yes. Sorry for the confusion, your family members didn’t really seem to understand what I was doing. I did take a security deposit, but only one night, as you can see here *showed her the transcript* for 190$. I told them that you and your husband would need to come to the desk to pay for the remainder, that is what you had said to my coworker, yes?”

“Yeah that’s right. Grandma called saying you had taken all her money and that we needed to pay on top of that.”

“Grandma was wrong.”

“Oh. Okay well they should be here soon to give the card-”

“They were aleady here, about an hour ago.”

“But she JUST called me and woke me up? Is she coming back?”

“I don;t know, I don’t need her to, but I do need YOU guys to pay for the room for your stay.”

“Oh yeah no, that’s not a problem! I completely understand, I just don’t get why she says she’s coming back then? Man, what the Hell?”

“What the Hell for sure. Sorry, I tried explaining it as simply as I could, and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh yeah no for sure, I would’ve lost it” -starts laughing

“I hope you gave Grandma shit for waking you up”

“Yep”. 

She became my best friend for next fifteen mins, talking about getting drunk at Hanson and kicked out, how when both of us travel we prefer not having housekeeping usually,*This is Important* etc and then her hubby came in.

“What is up with your mother? Why did she call me? You guys made me yell at this girl?”

“Why did you yell at her?” *Me secretly going YES WHY?!?!?*

So they go off, come back to pay a little while later and I ask hubby, ‘Hey earlier we were chatting and your partner mentioned she normally doen’t like housekeeping, is that right? You don’t want service tomorrow? (Today- day after they checked in-Guests were to have service normally, but the night of 24/25/26th they get a rate of 100$ because there will be no staff in. (between 1/3-1/2 the rate off) He says, “Nah, I think we’ll take it, when do they usually come?” “Anytime between 8-4pm” okay let you know”

Well.

My girls finished at about 425. Theses guests came back at same time. The girls were just finishing rooms, and ended up clocking out when Hubby came to desk asking about service. I apologised and said that his room wouldn’t be getting done, but what did he need, I could go do it. He asked for towels. I brought towels. I see Wife in breakfast room feeding baby I ask if she needs anything else, she says “Oh god no, we’re fine, don’t worry, but maybe something for the diapers? I don’t want the room to smell” So I said I can go collect the garbage. “Oh no! That’s okay, is there like a bin or something?” I point to the big garbage shed outside but I tell her that she doesn’t need to do that. I can provide several garbage bags, put the diapers in them, tie it off, put it in hallway and then call the front desk so we can throw them out. She perks up “omg that’s perfect thank you so much.” 

So I go to room, drop off bags, inform hubby of ‘the plan’ and ask if there’s anything else. he says no. Comes to desk like five mins later all pissy. “So let me get this straight, there’s no housekeeping tomorrow or the next night for the discounted rate, but I had to pay full charge for today and I still don’t get any service?” I apologised and said that I had spoken to his wife and went with her decision and he’s like “NO I Specifically requested it last night here” (Yeah.. um no you said you’d let us know and then didn’t??? also your wife is a scary bitch and I don’t want to upset her again okay???) “We won’t be staying the final night now.” (they had only paid for the first three after anyways, and declined using Gpa’s CC to actually pay for the room)

I am Just So Tired. And I still get to see them tomorrow night. 

I also went to high school with the husband. LOL. Ugh. 

[as-be-low]

THCM, Chapter 8

His Thorns Are on the Road

Free from it all Breathe in the darkest fall We laugh and cry through a brother’s eyes for now

The Hunter–Mastodon

Stanford learns nothing, though he discovers many things he didn't expect all the same.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Shortly after Ford had absorbed himself in his work, small footsteps flapped their way down the stairs. He looked up and spotted a blur of brown and black headed for the door before he heard it skid to a stop with a soft whump against the sturdy wood. “…Stella, are you trying to go outside?” He inched his chair back, palms flat against the table.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Did… Did Stanley say it was okay for you to go outside?”

Silence.

“I’ll take that as a no, then.” Just as he moved to stand, the soft little footsteps padded into the room. He’d have to invest in a rug soon, he mused. The little girl sent a cursory glance around the room, her eyes brightening as they fell on Ford and his workstation. He hadn’t expected that. She squinted at him, long and hard.

“Books?”

He hadn’t expected that, either. He stared down at her, doing nothing to hide his confusion as she toddled over. Her hair had been washed and pulled back into loosely-braided pigtails and Stan’s—no, this was his, actually—shirt billowed around her like a tent. Stanley had rolled the sleeves up so that they bunched up around her little elbows. She made herself at home and grabbed hold of his pant leg for leverage as she climbed into his lap. He remained still, unsure of whether he should help her or remove her from his person. “Well, hello?”

“Hi.”

“Is there…something I can help you with, dear?” From this vantage point, Ford could see the small little spirals of hair at the nape of her neck that had escaped and decided to make a name for themselves.

He could also see the little flecks of Stanley’s blood that had dried along the neckline.

Her little hands trailed over his stacks of papers and he leaned forward with her, pushing them out of her reach. She stretched further and claimed a dense, spiral-bound article for herself.

“Books.”

“I’m afraid you won’t want that one.” He eased it from her grasp and set it aside, raising an eyebrow at her little harrumph. “Was it picture books you wanted? I’m afraid I don’t have anything suitable for one as young as you, my dear…” he scanned the table with a slight frown of his own. “Well,” he unearthed a thick red book and pulled it close, staring at the gold-leaf cutout of his own hand. He shouldn’t.

He really shouldn’t, but the child wanted books. He wasn’t going to dissuade a child from literary endeavors. This journal he knew was at least slightly more child-appropriate. In some parts. Somewhat. It would be fine. He’d ripped out the more dangerous pages and anything pertaining to Bill after he’d reconfigured the portal and shut everything back down. There were many pages of mistakes he’d since burned, much like the bridges that led him to where he currently was. “Where’s your father?” he asked, affecting a casual tone. The man had been irritated at him when he’d sat with the child he’d brought into his house earlier. He didn’t need him getting pissy at him again.

“Takin’ a sour.”

“Taking a… Oh, a shower.” Fine. That was fine. He’d just…watch the child for…however long that took. Oh, sweet Moses, hurry up and come get her.

It was fine. This would be fine. He’d just show her the sketches. That should be enough to placate a child. That’s all children’s books were, anyway. A small hand patted his, then tried to push it out of the way. He let out a nervous chuckle and removed his hand. His niece turned and squinted up at him, then pushed the journal away and off of the edge of the table. “That bad, huh?” He stood, setting her on her feet as he went to retrieve it. “Well there might be something you might find interesting in it. They do say not to judge a book by its cover.” He chuckled at his own little joke. Stella’s face remained scrunched and she blew him a raspberry for good measure.

“…Right.” He reclaimed his seat and settled the toddler back in his lap. He supposed this was to be his afternoon now. Ford flipped the book open before she had a chance to push it away again, and began idly turning pages. He distinctly remembered cataloguing several of the more benign creatures he’d encountered in this particular journal. The small child slapped a hand against the pages as he flipped, stilling his hand.

“Birdperson!” she beamed up at him. He stared in return.

“Ah, no, that’s the Mothman, not a… Not a bird person.” He tapped a finger to the heading he’d written. “See here? It says—”

“Mothman.”

He paused. Was she reading or imitating him? Surely she was too small for her literacy skills to have developed quite yet. “That’s…That’s right. The Mothman.”

“Why not a bird?”

How was he supposed to answer that? “Well, he didn’t ask to be a moth over a bird, I don’t suppose...”

“You should write about birdperson.”

“Lets move on.” Ford gently nudged the little hand aside and turned the page. The offending little appendage reappeared along the edge of the book and Stanford stared at it before slowly dwarfing it with his own, letting his calloused thumb move run back and forth across her pudgy knuckles. Baby soft holds merit as a description, it appears. The child lifted her head to send him a puzzled look. “Right.” He lifted his hand and rifled through the journal, stopping on his leprecorn entry. Stella let out a little gasp.

“Lucky!”

“Yes, I’m afraid it’s your…little friend.”

“Lucky.” She corrected.

“Apologies.” He couldn’t help the chuckle that rumbled in his chest, nor the look of surprise as his niece leaned back against the source of the faint vibration.

“You purr like a kitty.”

What on earth? “If… If you say so.” He cleared his throat. “But yes. This is the…the leprecorn. Can… Can you say that?”

“Lep’core.”

“Good enough, I suppose.”

“Yeah.”

“Now—”

“That’s Lucky.” She slapped a hand against the sketch.

“Yes, I’m aware. The leprecorn is one of the…least interesting finds I’ve stumbled across.” He pulled the journal closer. “Stella, do you know what this says?”

She squinted at the page for a moment, then frowned back up at him. “I don’t wanna read that.”

Ford snorted. “Fair enough.” Maybe cursive was pushing it. It was probably best she didn’t read it. He truly had nothing positive to say about the beast she so loved.

“More pictures.”

“More?”

“More pictures, please?”

“I suppose you did ask nicely.” He thumbed through the journal. The entry on unicorns was in here. The only issue was that unicorns were assholes and he didn’t care to validate their existence. The gremloblin was decidedly out of the question. He worried his lip between his teeth briefly, and pulled a small stack of clean paper closer. “Alright. What pictures would you like?” He watched the child begin to flip the pages, tiny handfuls at a time, with the easy recklessness that came with childhood. “No, no, none of that.” He tutted, gently prying the book from her grasp. She blew him another raspberry. Cute. “How about we draw you a horse? Like earlier.”

“’Kay!”

“Alright. Good.”

Stella settled back against his chest and he began to sketch the rough outline of a horse. He let a faint smile cross his face as his focus drifted away. His hand moved on its own, each pen stroke closely watched by the small child keeping her nose pressed against the page. It did make drawing a hair more difficult, he had to admit.

A pudgy little finger prodded his hand.

“Yes?”

“Draw it a unicorn?”

He hesitated. Unicorns were infuriating, but that wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know that. He didn’t have to tell her they were real. “We can certainly make it a unicorn.”

“Yay!”

With the unicorn finished—though not without adding himself astride the beast for reasons he’d never understand—Ford found himself scribbling down Stella herself, holding onto her unfortunate beast of a friend.

“His name is Lucky! He’s a good uniperson. Yes he is. Yes.” She cooed, patting the page as he worked on it.

Odd, but all right, then. Stanford shuddered as he hatched out the finer details of the creature’s features. Whatever the child saw in the bizarre monstrosity, he would never see himself. At least she seemed quite pleased with it all, if her increasingly animated, babbling comments were anything to go by. It gave Stanford pause to see that anyone, a small child, no less, would seem to enjoy his company. She didn’t know any better. Not yet.

She’ll learn soon enough.

The floor began to creak and groan as heavy footsteps drew closer. His brother hunched in the doorway, a slight scowl in place. He seemed to wear that frown often; Ford wasn’t sure if it was for his benefit or if it had come to replace that easygoing smirk Stan had once perfected as his resting expression.

He said nothing as he entered the room, just sat in the chair furthest from Stanford and…zoned out. Stanford watched him for a brief moment. His hair was thrown behind him in a wet, loose braid, much like the plaits he’d given Stella. His ratty red jacket was zipped up in lieu of the shirt he’d put on Stella and what looked to be the jeans he’d arrived in. Surely he’d prefer wearing something else. He opened his mouth to proffer the suggestion, but caught the tired, frustrated look Stanley shot him from the corner of his eye and promptly let his mouth snap closed. Never mind, then. He’d just…go back to sketching things with Stella. She seemed happy, at least. The toddler was currently tugging at a fresh sheet of paper. He reached out and straightened it in front of her. “Are you planning on drawing?” he hoped his tone was nonchalant.

“No, you draw it.” Well, alright then.

“Sweetie, can you say ‘please?’ You gotta ask things nicely.” Stanley interjected.

Stella squirmed in Ford’s grip and twisted to face him, staring him down. He wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a death stare or puppy dog eyes, if he was honest with himself. He found both compelling; she had that going in her favor. “Please?”

“Absolutely.” He mumbled, huddling forward slightly. “What am I drawing?”

“Everybody!” she cheered, slapping her little hands against the table.

Shit. “Everyone? That sounds like quite the…quite the tall order.” Ford let out a nervous chuckle.

“Me ‘n Daddy ‘n you. ‘N Lucky.” He heard Stanley’s hardly-contained snort at her afterthought and looked up in time to catch him rolling his eyes. Nice.

“Sweetie, how many things have you made ‘im draw already?” she shrugged. “What if he doesn’t want to draw anymore? Don’t make ‘im tired. That’s not nice.”

“He isn’t tired.” Stella sounded affronted.

“You sure? Did you ask?”

Ford chewed his lip. “I don’t mind, really.” Stan eyed him and Ford shifted under the scrutiny.

“You don’t hafta do it just ‘cause she asked.”

“I don’t mind, Stanley. Truly, I don’t.”

Stan seemed uncomfortable with that. “Yeah, well…” His brother crossed his arms, turning his gaze away.

Ford patted the tabletop gently. “Now. Who shall I start with first?”

“Daddy.”

So matter-of-fact. He should’ve seen that one coming. “Alright then. We’ll start with… We’ll start with Daddy.” The word still felt strange tumbling from his mouth. He worked a rough outline of the man, sparing surreptitious glances upwards to scrutinize his subject. It was disheartening, needing a reference to draw your twin brother.

The three sat in silence, save for the soft scratches of Stanford’s pen. “I assume I’m drawing you next?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, then.” He shifted his hand, when Stella slapped her palm over it.

“Draw me there.”

“…In his arms? I’ve already drawn them by his side. I don’t think that will turn out properly, I’m afraid.

She wrinkled her nose at that. “Okay. Draw me there?” One pudgy little finger shifted down to the space near Stanley’s feet, where he’d originally planned to place her.

“Alright.” He drawled, nudging the damp little hand away, slightly disconcerted by its warmth and sogginess. Children were strange. He slowly sketched the little girl, though he found himself needing to contort on more than one occasion to study her little face; she was too preoccupied with watching his hands move to look up as he tried to coax her to look at him. It became a challenge to work around the child as she stuck her head and various limbs in his line of vision. “That’s a very nice foot, but could you move it?” he chuckled, patting the pudgy little leg. She responded with a giggle and a small kick to the arm. He pretended to be hurt. It was minutely painful, he reasoned. He hadn’t expected her to sit up from her contorted, reclined position to kiss his forearm better.

“Now it won’t hurt.” He was a bit choked as he nodded, swallowing to work at the frog forming in his throat.

“Y-yes. Thank you, darling.” He mumbled. “That feels much better.” It did. It truly did.

“I know.” The toddler hummed. How cheeky. Just like another child he remembered. Ford closed his eyes and hunched forward, ignoring the look Stan was surely sending him in favor of pressing his nose into the child’s clean hair as he fought back the sting in his eyes. Her hair was still wet, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind.

Ford finished the rest of the sketch with minimal fanfare, quickly slapping his own likeness onto the page and attempting to do the same with the leprecorn, though his niece quickly called him out on the attempt. “Oh, of course. You have my apologies.” He’d mumbled at his gaffe while grudgingly adding more detail to the well-loved monstrosity.

Once the sketch met the child’s arbitrary and unknown specifications she slid out of Ford’s lap—much to his alarm as he tried to stop her from falling—and took the liberty of taking the paper down with her as she made her way to her father.

“Whatcha got there, pumpkin?”

“A picture.”

“A picture, huh? Let’s see it, then.”

She held the sheet high in the air as she tried to hike her leg up high enough to reach Stanley’s crossed knee. “Oop!” she stumbled and Stan jerked forward, lifting her to properly settle her in.

“You’d climb mountains if only you could get that lil’ leg high enough, wouldn’t ya?”

“Yeah.”

Stanley laughed. “That’s my girl.”

Drawing sufficiently made-over, Stella slid out of Stan’s lap, choosing to settle at his feet for reasons that, once again, eluded Stanford.

“You wanna color it, sweetie?”

“Yeah!”

“Good idea.” Stanley hummed as Stella toddled back over to the table, reaching up on the tips of her toes to grab the assorted, stubby crayons she’d used the day before. Ford nudged them closer to her, watching in amusement as she grabbed them in both hands and ran back to sit cross-legged between her father’s feet.

“ ’M gonna make it pretty.”

“Very nice.” Stanley hummed, watching his child with one eyebrow raised. “They’re nice already, but I bet you can make ‘em look even better.”

The three sat in silence. Stanley didn’t seem to mind, but Ford found it unbearable. He shouldn’t feel so uncomfortable at the thought of speaking with his brother. He needed to say something. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, but he knew something needed vocalizing.

He settled for talking to Stella.

“So… You like coloring?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s… that’s good.” For fuck’s sake, Ford. Get it together. “Do you like school?”

The child stared at him.

“She’s not old enough to be in school, Ford.”

“…Oh. Right. Of… of course.” Fuck. Why is this hard?

“Soo. What’s your favorite animal, then? Besides… Besides the leprecorn. Uniperson. Excuse me. Besides that.” He mumbled. “Maybe we can switch it out.”

He heard Stan snort.

“All the animals!”

“All of them? Even snakes?” Children didn’t like those, did they?

“Snakes can’t be animals. They’s snakes.”

“Of course. Apologies.” Ford drawled.

“Geez, Ford. Get it together.” Stanley chuckled, much to Ford’s surprise.

“What’s your favorite color?”

The child sat up for a moment, wrinkling her little features in thought. “I like green!”

“Green? That’s a nice color.”

“Now you ask.”

Ford was confused. “Pardon?”

“You gotta ask Daddy’s favorite color.”

“I know Stanley likes red.” Did he still like red? How embarrassing it would be if he didn’t.

Stella crossed her arms. “You gotta ask.”

“Stan, what's your favorite color?”

He removed his knuckles from in front of his mouth with a roll of his eyes that Ford almost missed. “Red.”

“Now you ask.”

Stan sighed. “What's your favorite letter?”

“Red—what? What? You're supposed to ask my favorite color.”

“Wild card. Switchin' it up.”

“My favorite letter is S.”

“S for Stanford? That's a copout.”

“How is that a copout? What's your favorite letter, then?” Ford leaned back, folding his arms.

“The letter S.”

“Oh, good grief, Stanley. What's your favorite food?”

“Uhh, Ma's roast beef. You?”

“I also enjoy Ma's roast.”

“Me too.”

Stan and Ford both looked down at Stella in faint amusement mixed with confusion.

“I’m glad you like it, too, sweetie.” He scooped her back into his arms to place a kiss on the top of her head.” There was a lull. “I can't remember the last time I had roast beef. Or the lil’ potato balls she’d put inside with the carrots. Those were nice.”

Ford bit his lip. “We could try to make it ourselves.”

“It's not that serious.“ Stan looked uncomfortable.

“Why not? You and I both—excuse me—all three of us like it, and neither of us have had it in ages.” He snorted. Another lull.

“It could be fun.”

“Ford.”

“Well, Thanksgiving is coming up, is it not? It’s not the most traditional meal, but…it’s still an option.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake. Why would we even be here that long?” Stanley shifted Stella with a sigh. “Roast beef is not a Thanksgiving food. Why are you even talking about Thanksgiving?”

“Then we’ll have to do a roast beef alongside a turkey.”

“There’s no way in He—no way in heaven that could possibly sound like a good idea. No way. We won’t—”

“Variety, Stanley.”

“‘Variety,’ my foot. That’s too much food. Why are we even talking about Thanksgiving?”

“We have to eat something either way, and this just gives us a better range of leftovers to choose from. It’s sound reasoning.”

“For the love of—you know what? Fine. Why not?” Ford would have been lying if he said that reluctant concession on Stan’s part hadn’t given him hope. Asinine or not, Stanley agreed to stay and do something with him. It was an important step forward, in his opinion. “It’ll be an absolute cluster—uh, fustercluck, but fine.” Stan jiggled the child in his lap, though Ford couldn’t be sure if his leg wasn’t bouncing in agitation. Stella seemed pleased, for whatever reason, and opened her mouth to let out a happy little shriek.

“Fustercl—!”

Ford’s eyes widened. Stanley cut the child off with a swift kiss to the cheek, which quickly turned into a loud raspberry. The toddler squealed, one little leg stuck high in the air.

“Nothin’ slips past you, huh? Does it? Does it?” Stanley affected an angry tone—which was ruined by the grin that stretched his cheeks—and jiggled his daughter with each question. “You lil’ gremlin. What’m I gonna do with you? Huh?”

Stella dissolved into laughter and contorted herself backwards. A broad hand shot up to support her back, letting her flail back as she pleased while he tickled her tummy. Her rosy little foot found its way back to Stan’s face and he blew on it briefly before scooping her back upright.

“Ohh, you ‘n this foot’re really somethin’ today,” he sang tunelessly, “aaaand, I’m guessin’ you don’t want it since it stays in everyone’s face! I guess it means I’ll have! To! Eat it up, eat it up, eat! It! Up!”

He curled his lips over his teeth and doubled the child over backwards across his legs, grabbing the little foot to nip at her heel. “Omnomnom. Nomnomnom.” He paused briefly in his ditty to watch her giggle and squirm, his eyes filled with a level of warmth Stanford wasn’t sure he’d ever seen. Was he grinning? Truly grinning? Fatherhood had really done a number on him. Ford hadn’t realized his brother was even capable of handling anything with such overt care. It seemed that he would never cease to rattle his expectations.

He continued his song, slightly muffled though it was by the twelve small toes that wiggled against his nose and jaw. “’N since you don’t want either of ‘em, someone’s gonna hafta call ‘im! Gotta call the foot monster!” he paused to tickle her again. His little niece squealed. “’N then the foot monster came ‘n ate all the feet, ‘case he’s a really weird guy ‘n we should talk to ‘im about that maybe. But he came ‘n ate the feet, I guess…” He trailed off.

A smile broke across Ford’s own face and he couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled forth. Stanley jolted and looked around, pulling himself and his child perfectly upright. His eyes settled on Ford with what looked to Ford to be bewilderment. He fell silent.

His discomposure would unsettle them both, it seemed. Stanford couldn’t mask the startled look that crossed his face at his brother’s abrupt change in demeanor. His nostrils flared briefly as a puff of air hissed out. The singing had stopped, and there seemed to be no hope of Stanley starting back up. The man stared stiffly ahead for a moment, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he shifted Stella in his lap, pulling her into a proper, seated position. From the looks of it, she was content to play with Stanley’s hands folded across her tummy.

Well, fuck.

He’d only chuckled. He didn’t know it would ruin the moment so thoroughly. Ford held back a sigh of his own and burrowed down in his chair, settling for watching the two remain idly seated. How could he fix this? This wasn’t a machine that could be analyzed and diagnostics run. These were Stan’s emotions, a shuddering, amorphous beast that writhed and balked at stimuli that Ford could not gauge. He didn’t know if the man himself could do it, either. He bit back an agitated bark of laughter. ‘Who’s driving this thing,’ indeed.

His eyes lingered on the dingy cuff of Stanley’s jacket sleeve as his wrist moved, slowly and rhythmically patting his daughter’s pudgy little tummy. Six tiny digits fumbled with Stan’s wristwatch. Oh. She was still wearing the shirt he’d lent Stanley. He’d forgotten for a moment that she was running around in twice-borrowed clothing.

He cleared his throat, breaking the burgeoning silence that was taking over once again.

“If… If you want, we can go ahead and start a load for the washing machine.” Ford offered, wincing internally at the hopeful uptick his voice took on.

“No, thanks.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s…just a few things. S’not enough to worry about.”

“And what are you going to do in the meantime?”

“I can just do it later. No big deal.”

“Stan.” Ford shot him a look.

“Oh, for—What?”

“If you’re going to have to do it regardless, it follows that it would be easiest to do it here, when required—now, for instance, as opposed to…somewhere with a considerably less convenient layout.” The man scowled back at him.

“Don’t see why you’re puttin’ so much thought into this. Sheesh.”

“You make it sound unreasonable.”

“Because it is.”

Ford sniffed. “I—”

“Maybe later, okay?” Later? When the hell was later? Everything they wore was dirty now. The uncomfortable stillness grew heavier in the room, unbearably so as Stanley began to hunch over and curled in on himself, blocking Stella from view as he pulled her closer. The child seemed used to this apparent routine and hunkered down without so much as a peep. She had been babbling to herself moments before, but as soon as Stan doubled over, she quieted and moved to tuck herself away as though through muscle memory. From what little Stanford could still see of her face, she seemed completely unperturbed by it all. That worried him. He chewed on his lower lip. What was he supposed to do? He opened his mouth to speak, but his tongue crumbled to chalk behind his teeth.

He’d have to wait it out, it seemed.

He waited a great deal longer than he would have hoped.

The silence remained thick; from what he could tell, Stella was still content to alternate between playing with her hands and the tassel of Stan’s braid, and otherwise made no sound or movement. What child could remain that still and quiet? Ford was a grown man and found himself growing agitated and restless. Though he was somewhat grateful for the knowledge that respite in silence was possible from her should he ever need it, but he wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be normal. Little old lady, indeed.

When Stanley finally did unfurl, it was a slow process and he refused to look anywhere but down. When he dared to look around, the eye Ford caught was defiant and wary all at once. He shifted Stella in his arms and she seemed to take it as some sort of cue and returned to her babbling, humming some little song she made while Stanley patted her chubby little legs. At least someone’s content with this situation. Ford had set this whole incident off, hadn’t he? He was a useless brother, constantly causing his tween anguish. He stared off with unfocused eyes, and was jerked back into cognizance when Stanley let out an undignified squawk. Stella was upside down with a foot pressed into his collarbone. Again. “Seriously, what is it with you ‘n this foot today? Hm? Please don’t be a kicker. Or a biter. Please don’t go back to biting.” He worked his jaw with a wince as he pleaded.

Ford needed to get him more arnica. The bruises would linger otherwise. Ford rested his mouth against the heel of his hand, fingers splayed across his cheek. Why couldn’t he talk to his brother without provoking an incident? Why was it all so difficult?

≈

For the life of him, Stanley couldn’t figure out why Ford couldn’t just leave well enough alone. What did it matter to him whether or not he did laundry? Get real. Ford always had to go above and beyond with everything. He always had. Stanley knew this. Regardless, his laundry wasn’t something to make a big deal out of. He’d already scrubbed Stella’s stuff in the sink and laid it out to dry. His own things would take longer, but that was fine. It was a non-issue.

He saw the looks Ford kept shooting his way. He didn’t need any more of that. Ford may have known his living situation was a mess, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try to hold on to the last of his pride while he still could. He could almost smell the pity coming. He couldn’t stomach it. He just wanted his privacy. This whole thing was starting to set him on edge. For years, he’d been alone and estranged from the people he cared about. To say they cared about him in return seemed like a bit of a stretch after roughly 20 years’ separation. People went out of their way to ignore his presence, though there’d been more shock and shuffling, hesitant eye contact thrown into the mix since Stella arrived onto the scene. Him opening up to people only ended with him bleeding and left to rot in a prison cell or with him stupidly hoping that things would change, just this once, only to have his chest torn open and salt poured in with a serves-you-right as a garnish. The first time Stanley met up with family after years tramping around on his own had ended in a five-year shitshow. They both knew this, at the very least. Affection for Stanley was inherently out-of-place and to be suspicious of. So what in the fresh hell was all of this? It made his skin crawl. This wouldn’t end well. It couldn’t. No way in Hell. Stanford had to have something planned for him, and it had to be something awful. Nobody went out of their way to be kind for kindness’ sake; they always wanted something in return. And Stanley, fool that he was, had been fool enough to pay that toll time and again.

This was his carrot. He’d just have to wait it out until the time came to get the stick.

With his luck, the stick would be a branch.

He sat up, setting his jaw, letting his eyes trail around. He spotted Ford’s uneasy glance his way, but chose to ignore it. Whatever it was, he’d ask him soon enough. And this time, he’d be prepared for it. He wouldn’t put his heart on his sleeve to get ripped off and burnt away again.

“Stanley.” Here we go. “Is everything…are you alright?”

“Just peachy, Ford.” The ropelike tendon in his neck twitched and rolled as he scowled ahead. Was that a fish tank across the room? Why was it stuck in the dark? Stan decided he didn’t care.

“No you aren’t.” the man mumbled under his breath.

A certifiable fuckin’ genius, Stanford was. What was Stan supposed to say to that? What the hell? “Askin’ stupid questions, then, are we? Just for fun?”

“I didn’t—Stanley, it’s not even like that. Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not doin’ a thing, Ford. Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” What in the hell was the point of all this? They were both nice and quiet, and then he had to go and ask these awkward, loaded questions. Then he had the audacity to complain about it when he answered.

The other man sighed. “Don’t be like this. Please.”

“Like I said, I’m not doin’ anything. Please. Why don’t you tell me what it is you think I’m doin’, since it bothers you so much.”

“What is it with this sudden—ugh.” Ford groaned, lifting his glasses to stroke the bridge of his nose. “Why are you being so standoffish all of a sudden?” he huffed, scowling across the room at him. “Is this because I asked you if you wanted to do laundry?”

Stan could’ve punched him for that incredulous tone. So he thought he was doing him a favor? As condescending as he was? It was a wonder Stanford didn’t get hit wherever he went. Nope, that’s just me, probably. Stan snorted.

“I’m glad you find this funny.”

“With this nonsense? Somebody has to.” He watched Ford’s upper lip curl under and flatten against his teeth.

“Nonsense? For fuck’s sake, Stanley, all I did was ask you a simple question!” Stanley didn’t notice the small thud as a small cheek pressed against his chest.

“Why can’t you just let this go?”

“Really? Would you let it go if you were in my place? You act like I shouldn’t even care.”

“That’s because you shouldn’t.”

“You can’t possibly believe that. Stanley, you’re—”

“What? I’m what, Ford? Family? I’m your brother? Is that what you want to hear?” He let out a wheezing laugh. “You expect me to believe that matters to you?”

“Of. Course. It. Does.” He rumbled, his words precise and clipped through grit teeth.

“Ohh, it matters. Right.” Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. “It sure as hell didn’t matter to you up until now.” Stanley took a bit of perverse satisfaction in the other man’s flinch. Enough to miss the squeeze around his middle.

“That’s absolutely not true.”

“Ohh. It isn’t, huh? Figures, then. Stupid Stanley, missing the obvious again. Well, then. Fuck me for not noticing, am I right?” His hand began to pat his daughter’s back as she began to fuss, as if on autopilot. His glare never left Stanford’s face.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

Ford let out a bitter laugh and shook his head, his grin lined with frustration. “You are so full of shit, you know that?”

“To be honest, you keep your head so far up your own ass, I’m surprised you noticed.”

“Damnit, Stanley!” Stanford snarled. “You absolute—” he was cut off by the wail that emanated from Stanley’s lap. It started out low, more of an insistent whine, but quickly pitched up to an outright sob. Both men froze. Stella was crying.

“Ah, shit.” Stanley wheezed, tightening his arms around the child. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. So sorry.” He began to rock her side to side, pausing as she pushed herself away. “Oh, sweetheart…” he sighed. His little girl was doing her best to glare up at him, though her efforts were marred by the little hand rubbing at her wet eyes as she sobbed. He began to bounce her, which only served to make her cries come out as hiccups. “Oh, sweetie...” He pulled her close once more and stood, attempting to cradle her head close as she pushed and wiggled and fussed.

“No!” She twisted and writhed, nearly toppling out of his arms as she pushed herself away. Oh, geez. This wasn’t an ordinary bout of fussing, infrequent though they were. She was legitimately upset.

“D’you want your paci?” he flinched, dodging an arm. “Okay, yeah. Paci.” He stole a quick kiss to her cheek, putting himself well within slapping range. She landed a weak shove to his jaw. There was no real force behind it, though it hurt all the same and on several levels. Stanley inched down into a crouch and set her on the floor, watching for a moment as she tossed herself back against the floor with a whump. “Oh, babygirl, don’t hurt yourself. Here,” he darted of towards the stairs in a full sprint. “Paci, paci, where the fuck is the pacifier?” He knew he still had it. Those things were expensive, and even though she was weaned, it still calmed her down on the odd occasions when she got herself really worked up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Was it in the car? He hoped not. He stumbled into Ford’s guest room and headed straight for the haphazard pile of his and Stella’s belongings. He tossed his stuff aside and grabbed a small drawstring bag, tearing into it with a fervor. How in the hell had they managed to start a fight in front of a child? She was right there the whole time. Not in another room, she didn’t toddle over into the scene; she was in his lap the entire time. “Shit.” He could keep his cool. He knew he could. So why did he have to lose his goddamn mind when it came to Stanford? We just bring out the worst in each other.

To be fair, Stanley brought out the worst in most people.

He rifled through the bag, his shoulders falling slightly in relief as his fingers hit soft rubber. Got it. He dropped the bag onto the floor and promptly threw himself back down the stairs, nearly tripping, and headed immediately back into the room full of screaming.

“—sorry, sorry, I am so sorry—” Stanford looked up in alarm from his new position on the floor. He held an uneasy hand out towards Stella, who was having none of it. What the fuck is that supposed to do? The kid didn’t want a hand hovering over her. What was the point in that?

He crouched down beside the two of them—as far away from Stanford as was possible—and scooped the flailing child back into his lap. “Here. Sweetie—don’t—” he narrowly missed an accidental headbutt and held out the pacifier, frowning at a bit of lint stuck to it. He stuck it into his own mouth, ignoring the horrified look Ford sent him in the process, and readjusted his grip on the hysterical little girl. “Hnh.” He spoke around the rubber between his teeth before popping it out of his mouth, pressing it towards hers. “I can almost guarantee you Ma did the same to all of us, so don’t even.” He grumbled. It took a few moments, but she finally seemed to realize what she was being offered and sucked the purple piece of rubber into her mouth with an indignant murmur. She pushed away his hand, but Stan didn’t mind. This was definitely an improvement and with any luck, she’d start to calm herself in a short while. Or not. She slapped the arm that braced her back and he withdrew, making the gentlest noises he could at her. Eventually, she’d calm down. He knew Ford was staring at him, but he ignored it. Let him be uncomfortable. He hoped he was confused, too, just out of spite.

It was a while before Stella would allow him to pick her up. The pair watched the child squirm and settle in Stanley’s arms, her large brown eyes falling heavy-lidded as her tears slowed and her sobs turned into hiccups. Stanley’s chest ached with each one. He swayed gently on the floor, lulling her to sleep with his heartbeat. She startled herself upright with a particularly loud hic. She pushed herself away from Stanley’s chest to peer around the room, her eyes settling on Ford with a scowl. The little girl raised a hand to point an accusatory finger at the man.

“Sorry.” She insisted, her little glare darkening as the man squirmed. Ha! Atta girl! That was definitely his child right there.

“I… I am? I mean, I am, so..?” That’s right, baby girl. Make him squirm.

She contorted once again in his lap to face him, sticking a tiny little finger into his bicep. “Ow.”

“Sorry.” She repeated. Sorry? What kind of Benedict Arnold shit was this? He had a scowl of his own.

“Stella, honeypie—”

“No. Sorry.”

“I don’t…” Ford trailed off. Stanley rolled his eyes.

“She wants us to apologize to each other, genius.” It was Ford’s turn to frown.

“Darling, I—”

“Say. Sorry!” she snapped. Ford jumped.

“Alright, dang. Geez, we’ll do it, okay?” Stanley patted her leg. She folded her arms. It would’ve been comical if she hadn’t been so upset. “I… Ugh. Fine. I’m sorry. There, you happy, tiny tyrant?”

“I… I also apologize.” Ford squirmed under the scrutiny the child gave him.

“You have to say sorry.”

“I just apologized.”

“Use the approved words, dingus.” Ford shot him a sour look and seemed ready to open his mouth to say something stupid. He must’ve thought better at the last moment.

“I’m sorry as well, Stanley.”

“There. Better?”

“Now you have to hug.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Yes. Hug.”

“Nope.” Stanley drawled, popping the p.

“Yes.”

“Stella, honey, no.” he sighed, running a hand across his scalp. “That’s askin’ a little much.”

She spat out the pacifier. “You say sorry ‘n then you hug it better. Yes.”

“Sweetie, that’s for little kids.”

“Now you hug it better.”

“Yeesh. Tiny grandma. You’re a tiny grandma, you know that?” he patted her little back, hoping it would placate her. No such luck.

“Hug it better.”

“You really aren’t gonna let this go, are you?” He slid her out of his lap and plopped her on the floor beside him, popping the pacifier back into her mouth. “Let it never be said that you don’t know what you want.”

She sucked on the pacifier, the round rubber circle bobbing furiously for a moment as she stared up with still-damp doe eyes. And damp nose. He needed to wipe her soggy nose before she did the honors herself. “Hug?”

“Oh, for—fine. Fine.” With a groan, Stanley ambled up to his feet. “It’s a good thing you’re so cute.” Ford followed suit soon after and Stan avoided the man’s face. He didn’t need to see whatever stupid look he was sending him. His scowl pointed downwards towards the man’s collarbone as they stood facing one another. Alright, let’s get this over with. Stanley leaned in for a loose, quick one-armed shoulder hug, letting out an indignant squawk as Ford dragged him in closer. Ah, geez.

≈

Stanford, fool that he was, had been expecting an actual hug. He threw his arms around the man’s torso and pulled him in tight, noting with dismay how quickly he went limp in his grasp. He was dead weight, just balancing on his feet. Stanford might as well have been propping an oversized fish upright.

This wasn’t his brother. Stanley wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was nothing like the affectionate child he’d grown up alongside.

The Stanley he knew would have thrown around him and nearly toppled them both over, like he used to. He would’ve said something corny to lighten the mood, and laughed them both to the floor. Instead, he was just there. There, but not as he remembered. Nothing like he remembered. When it came to Ford, Stanley was like an elaborate substitute of what he had been; one that lacked his essence. What had he done to break his spirit so thoroughly? How much of it was Ford’s own fault?

With a sigh, Ford’s grip fell slack, his arms slipping down to his sides. The man had vehemently protested, argued even with a child over the prospect of hugging him. What had he expected?

Naturally, just to spite Ford, the man brought an arm up to slap him on the back a few times, just when he was about to step away. His look of surprise must have been interesting. “I’m glad I could be of entertainment to you.” He drawled.

“Pfh. Don’t think so highly of yourself. You always make weird faces.”

“I didn’t expect… I stopped expecting reciprocation.” He cleared his throat as he spoke. Stan rolled his eyes, turning to scoop up the child who so graciously lifted her arms to be carried.

“There, princess. Happy now?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. Well, you make it kinda hard to do anything when you put a man in a chokehold, Ford.” He grumbled, refusing eye contact once again. The excuse was a pathetic one, but it made Stanford smile all the same.

He’d take what he could get.

≈

Stella was blowing raspberries at him. Stan sighed a bit; he guessed he deserved them. He hoisted her weight in his arms and leaned back so that he could see her face. She was busy looking around, her little head tilting to and fro as she explored from her new vantage point, blowing raspberries all the while. Oh. She was just making noises. That was fair. He’d make noises, too, if he was three.

He strained his neck upwards to plant kisses on her salty little cheeks, earning himself a well-welcomed giggle and a swipe of her nose across his shoulder. “Oh, how nice.” He hummed, wincing all the while. He’d seen that one coming. She rested her head on his shoulder—the clean one, he noted—with a hum, earning herself a chuckle in the process. She’d tired herself out with all that crying, most likely.

Not that he blamed her for it.

His hand came up to rub soft circles along her back. He wasn’t quite sure where he was walking; just back and forth between rooms and along the hallway as Stella began to nod off. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to forget his child was in his lap before getting into it with someone. As many run-ins as he’d had, that had never happened before. He must’ve been getting complacent. Or just particularly riled up. Neither would do.

He swayed side to side. “You asleep?” No answer. He’d just take that as a yes. Sweet lil’ girl. As uncomfortable as it had been, she’d only wanted him and Ford to patch it all up. One stupid hug wasn’t gonna fix all their problems, but she was just a baby. She couldn’t know that. And he’d do his best to make sure she wouldn’t have to.

He inched his way to the stairs and up, sighing at the state of the room. He’d torn it apart looking for that damn pacifier, and had left a wreck strewn everywhere. “Okay, kiddo. Down you go.” He tiptoed around the bag he’d dumped onto the floor and placed her at the head of the bed, tugging her grimy blanket around her. Maybe he should wash the thing. It was a soft little blanket someone had given her, stuffed into an old baby bag along with clothes her kid had outgrown. It was the nicest thing Stan had seen in a long while.

People weren’t nice to Stan.

It was a simple fact. A baby, though? People were nice to babies sometimes. He remembered a few times, times when she was really small and he had no other choice, he would sit somewhere, a park or in front of a store, and people would send them both the dirtiest looks they could muster. He heard the mumbling, he wasn’t that stupid. He knew they thought she was just a sympathy ploy. She was his child. He couldn’t help it. If he needed to panhandle, she had to be with him. There wasn’t another choice. Stanley didn’t really care how people saw him, he’d stopped worrying about that a long time ago. He knew how they felt about him. It wouldn’t change. He’d be damned if they looked at his child that way, though.

He grew fed up with those dirty looks soon enough, and began covering her with whatever he had. He’d zip her into his jacket, cover her head with a scarf, it didn’t matter. What mattered was making sure she wasn’t seen, and most importantly, that she wouldn’t have to see them and their ugly judgmental looks. It didn’t matter to him that she was too small to really remember any of this. He didn’t want her to see it.

It was easier to be the man ignored than the man whose child was sneered at.

He leaned forward, pressing a smooch to her little forehead. Lil’ sweetie. He turned and stared once again at the disaster spilled across the floor. Great. Now he had to clean up this mess. Stanley squatted down. Here we go. He shoved the drawstring bag’s contents back inside, then tucked it back into the baby bag. The little back was mostly full of her things from infancy; pacifiers and bottles and the sippy cup he still needed to finagle back together. He wouldn’t throw it away, she might need it again later on, much like the pacifier.

Stanley’s own belongings went back into a small heap on the chair. He kept his crud separate from Stella’s. There was no need for him to dirty up her things with his own. She had to have at least something of her own to herself. He knew he should get a bag of his own, but he’d lost the duffel bag he used to carry—the one that’d been packed and waiting for him when he was seventeen—and he’d never gotten around to getting another one. His money was better spent on other things.

Once finished straightening up, Stanley sat on the floor, leaning back against the side of the bed. He propped one arm up on the edge and rested his chin against it, watching his toddler snooze. Her face had started to relax finally, and he could finally chuckle at those chubby cheeks and the pacifier bobbing along.

No, wait, he should actually take it from her while he still could. She wasn’t supposed to be using it anymore. The last thing he needed to hear was someone clowning him over it and reminding him of how bad a parent he was. He already knew. It didn’t need repeating. He inched over and crept a hand out, giving the handle a gentle tug.

“Nu.” Stella shook her head in her sleep, then rolled over. He leaned back.

“Alright, then.” She’d have to spit it out, eventually. She was still little; nobody said she had to grow up this fast.

She was content, he hoped, he’d just let her sleep.

≈

When Stella finally awoke, Stan had taken a nap of his own and woken back up. It was short—the nightmares had kicked in what felt like moments after he’d truly gotten somewhat comfortable—but he’d take what sleep he could get, when it came down to it.

“Hello, princess,” he cooed as he watched the child push herself into a sitting position, “sleep well? It sure looked like it.” She stared at him for a moment, then held her arms out, leaning towards him. He was more than happy to oblige her. “Hey.” He repeated, his grin evident in his voice. “How’re ya feelin’?” She chose to nestle down in his arms instead of responding. “Alright.” Stanley hummed. She’d babble again when she felt like it. But what to do in the meantime?

He heard a faint clatter. “Hey, I heard some noises downstairs. You wanna see what’s goin’ on?” he felt a nod. “Alright. We’ll go investigate. How ‘bout that? Maybe it’s your lil’ buddy.” He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. He was supposed to be weaning her away from that thing. So much for that.

Father and child crept their way down the stairs, pausing at the rustling Stan heard in the kitchen, followed by a crash and a string of expletives. Stanley set Stella on her feet, his brows furrowed as he slipped into the kitchen. Ford was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, staring down at a slew of pans and bowls scattered across the floor. Stan took a look around the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he was aiming for.

He also wasn’t sure he wanted to ask.

He watched Stanford shove the pots and pans back into the cabinet, only to have them tumble back out moments later.

“For fuck’s sake—”

“Uh.” Stanley interrupted, leaning against the doorjamb. “You look like you need some help. Or… Or a lot. I dunno.” He gave a shrug.

“I, no. No, everything is under control, I can assure you.”

“Alright cool.” Stanley spun around to leave, glancing down as he saw a little brown head traipse its way into the kitchen. His arm shot out and he leaned over, almost losing his balance as his hand pressed against the child’s tummy. “Uh, uh, uh. Where d’ya think you’re goin’?”

“Here.”

“Okay, fair enough,” he drawled, “but how about you don’t, huh? Let’s not and say we didn’t.” He patted the little tummy. Stella grinned up and stared up at him briefly before stepping to the side and continuing on her merry little way. “Or not. Okay.” He reluctantly followed the child into the kitchen, his nose wrinkling. “What’re you doing?”

“Making dinner?” Ford huffed as though it was obvious. The man forgot to buy groceries on a regular basis. Did he really expect Stan to believe this was a common occurrence for him? Get real.

“Okay, dinner. Fine. I’ll rephrase the question. What are you doing?”

“Stanley, that’s—” Stanford cut himself off with a huff. “It’s spaghetti.”

Spaghetti. Stanley eyed the countertops, spotting unopened packs of ground beef and spaghetti. Those were reasonable. The opened cans of tomato puree were also reasonable.

What he found unreasonable was the fact that the opened cans had been emptied into a pot and were boiling away, untouched by any other spaghetti component.

“Why?”

“Because people need food, Stanley.”

Stanley wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “No, I mean that. Why’d you put the tomato in the pot with nothing in it?”

Ford looked at him like there was something new sprouting out of his head. “It’s a tomato-based sauce.”

“That doesn’t… that doesn’t mean you actually put it in first.” He ran a hand down the side of his face. “Y’know what? Here.” He sidestepped Stella, placing a hand over the untouched onions. “Where’s your cutting board?”

“It…was burned a long time ago.”

“Oh my God. Okay. Fine. I’ll use a plate.” Stanford reached across Stanley into a cabinet overhead and pulled down a plate. Stan gave him a grunt of acknowledgment and cut the ends off while Ford watched. He sighed. “Crumble up the ground beef into a skillet, would ya?”

“Right. Of course.”

This was going to take a while.

≈

Stanley stared at the salvaged pot of pasta with a sigh. Halfway through, Stella had decided she would help, mostly by clinging to his leg and making it hard to move without knocking her over. He’d forcibly removed her from Ford’s leg at one point; the man was a disaster. He didn’t need Ford splattering piping hot substances across his child. He’d have to break his face—accident or not—and for that, his own leg was marginally better.

“Alright, gremlin. Time for you to actually sit in a chair.” He gave his leg a playful shake then lifted the child into his arms, earning himself a giggle before Ford startled him with a hand on his bicep.

“Wait.” His muscles tensed for a brief moment before he willed himself to relax. Ford needed to stop springing up on people. He was gonna run Stanley ragged that way, he swore it.

“Jesus, Ford, don’t make me drop ‘er.” He really would have to break his face then.

“Sorry.” Stanford leaned and hovered over Stanley’s shoulder—to Stan’s discomfort—to reach the child’s level, looking her in the eye. “Now, Miss Pines, I have an apology for you.” What? Stanley craned his neck to watch the man sigh. “I shouldn’t have yelled at your father, and I certainly shouldn’t have done so right in front of you. That wasn’t nice of me at all. Will you forgive me?”

Stanley froze, wrapping his arms tighter around the child. What was this? Was this happening? There was a catch. There had to be. Ford must’ve been enjoying taking the piss out of him.

This was the carrot, and Stanley needed to know when the stick was coming. He worked at his jaw, trying to loosen the tension quickly building.

Stanley’s child leaned back to peer at him, then blinked. So she was as confused as he was. Good.

Stanford seemed to be waiting for an actual answer. Stella just stuck her hand in her mouth.

“Finger outta your mouth, honey.” He should probably wash her hands.

Her eyes darted between Stanley and Stanford for a moment before she complied. “’Kay.” She offered the damp little hand, followed by the other, out to Ford, who, at a loss, put his hands out to take her.

“And so the princess allows herself to be held.” Stanley mumbled, stifling a snort at Ford’s lost expression. He was lost, too, if he was honest with himself. Ford had apologized to Stella, actually gotten down on her level and apologized. Actually apologized. Never would he have expected that from the man. He wouldn’t have expected that from anyone, for that matter. People didn’t like Stanley. He’d found the easiest way for others to show that was through showing disdain for his child by extension of him.

This stretch of silence was too uncomfortable to let continue. “Alright, princess, let’s set you down.” He mumbled, giving a slight nod of satisfaction as his words lit a fire under Ford. The man stalked to the table, slower than Stan himself thought necessary, and stood Stella in a chair with what seemed like unnecessary caution. Stella, for her part, seemed put-out to be standing in furniture and slid down onto her knees, leaning against the edge of the table. “That’s better.” Stanley cooed.

His brow furrowed again as he watched Stanford fumble to grab plates and cutlery all at the same time. “Hey, we only need two plates. Or bowls. A plate and a bowl. Or a bowl and whatever you want.”

Ford eyed him. “Stanley, there’s three of us.”

“I am aware, thanks.”

“Three people. Three sets of flatware.”

“Me ‘n Mini-me can share.”

“Nonsense, there’s plenty. You don’t have to—”

“Ford. Look at her.” They both turned. She was still perched on the edge of the chair, looking confused. “Sit back, sweetie. Don’t want you to fall.” Stan turned back towards the other man. “But yeah, look at her. She’s big as a fart,” Ford looked taken aback at that, “she eats like a lil’ baby bird. She doesn’t eat a full anything. I’ll have to finish it, or it’ll go to waste. Just let ‘er eat off my plate. It’s fine.”

Stanford pursed his lips. “…If you insist.”

“It’s less cleanup, too.”

“You may have a point.” The man’s face told his lie. Stanley ignored it in favor of collecting his child.

“Alright, missy. Time to wash your hands.” He carried her over to the sink and propped her up on the edge of the counter. “Not… you have tiny hands, you don’t need that much soap.”

“Bubbles are important, Daddy.”

“Oh. Bubbles are important.” He drawled. “My bad.” He heard Ford snickering off to the side. Water ran down Stella’s elbows and dripped on the both of them. “Nice.” It was fine. It’d dry soon enough.

While he micromanaged his daughter’s soap usage, Ford had taken it upon himself to fill their plates and set them at the table. He carried the slippery girl back to the table and sat down across from Stanford, settling her in his lap. He eased the bowl towards the center of the table before Stella could flip its contents across them both.

This was bound to be a painfully awkward evening.

≈

Children were messy.

Stanford wasn’t sure how something so small could make such a contained disaster and smile about it the entire time. Most baffling was that he had been watching the entire time, and in no moment could he pinpoint the exact moments in which the mess appeared. It was as though it just… materialized.

“Stella, sweetie?” Stanley hummed to the child, who turned her tomato-smeared face upwards. “You know you’re cute, right?”

“Yeah?”

“You are so cute, but you’re making such a big mess.”

“Okay?” Stanford couldn’t help the snort that escaped him and covered his mouth with his hand as he tried to contain himself. He could all but hear the ‘And? What’s your point?’ left unsaid as she reached for Stanley’s fork.

“Kiddo. I’m gonna give it to you, can you wait until I actually get it on the fork for you first?”

“But I wanna do it!”

Stanley’s shoulders dropped. “Here.” He offered the fork. She immediately dropped its contents into both of their laps. Perhaps spaghetti hadn’t been the best idea, Ford mused as Stan let his head loll back. “Oh my God.” He sighed. Stella picked the pasta up with her fingers and shoved it into her mouth, unbothered. “Stella, can I at least help you with it, sweetie?”

“No, I wanna do it.”

“Stella, you’re making a huge mess all over the place. You need help. You can either let me help you, or I can do it for you, but you cannot do it by yourself.” The little girl scowled, turning her stare towards Ford. ‘You hear this shit?’ Her unreasonable look of indignation was priceless.

He bit back another chuckle and settled for a raised brow. “It is quite the mess.”

“See? People don’t like it when you make a big mess out of all of their stuff.” Stella folded her arms. “So is that a yes?”

“…Okay.”

“Perfect.”

The remaining meal passed with less fanfare, and Ford watched Stanley as he coaxed his child into letting him feed her with minimal fuss. Ford hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth. “Loath though I am to beat a dead horse, my laundry offer still stands. I’ll even throw in mine.” He gestured to the orange-toned splatters across his own front, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. “I think I might have a smaller shirt that might suit her in the meantime.” He inclined his head towards Stella, still wearing the blood-stained shirt he’d leant Stanley the day before.

Stanley’s face soured and his jaw tightened, ropy muscles rolling underneath the mottled skin. “Yeah. Sure. Okay, fine.” He handed the child the fork. When she leaned back against him, apparently sated, Stanley grabbed a fistful of paper towels and wiped down her hands and the tabletop before standing. He placed her in the chair before grabbing the bowl, then Ford’s, and plunking them both into the sink. Stanford twisted in his chair as Stan began running the water.

“What are you doing?”

“Relax, I got it. It’ll just be a second. Where’re your containers?”

“The…The cabinet to your left, I believe. Stanley, you don’t have to—”

“I gotta get this mess up. It’ll take ten minutes, tops.”

“What?”

True to his word, Stanley was finished in roughly ten minutes. He’d even wiped the stove down, which Ford had to admit wouldn’t have occurred to him. How did he work so quickly? He watched him give the table another quick wipe and then grabbed Stella, holding her at arm’s length as he sped up the stairs. He could hear the child whine. “Yeah, yeah. It’s bathtime. You got no one to blame but yourself on this one, babypants.” Moments later, Ford heard the rush of water surging through the pipes.

He stared at the clean table.

What a remarkably fast exit. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Of course he wouldn’t want to stay, not after that. It was quite literally the same argument that had caused them so much trouble hours earlier. Plus, the child was absolutely filthy. He needed to find the shirt he’d promised.

With a sigh, Stanford pushed back his chair and stood, letting his feet carry him towards his room while the sounds of muffled splashes, song, and giggles trickled down. The sound of such honest normalcy was jarring. Stella’s existence was jarring, if he was honest with himself.

When Stan had been driven off at seventeen and the informercials had stopped airing late at night, it was easy to imagine that he was off somewhere in Atlantic City or Las Vegas, partying to his heart’s content. That image had been shattered once Ford had begun to worry with upkeep on the Stanleymobile in the years Stan had been lost. The wear and tear and obvious signs that Stanley had been living out of that car spoke of a life far different from what he’d originally assumed.

When Stan had driven off again a few years prior, Ford had hoped down to the pit of his stomach that Stanley would have been able to turn things around for himself. If he could survive the other side, apparently unscathed, then certainly he could prosper with ease with what experience he surely must have gained. One look at him on his doorstep three nights ago had proven that a lie, and the child upstairs had been the laughter and slap in the face to add insult to injury.

Stella was another reality check for Stanford, that yes, his brother was out there, actually interacting with people, and having to work his way through tight situations. Handling a small child in the best of situations was daunting as it was. Doing it with no means must have certainly been unbearable. How does one raise an infant from the backseat of a broken-down car? It wasn’t a question he could hope to earn the right to ask.

Ford found himself staring down at his dresser, numbed. His brother was living out of a car again. There was a baby living out of his brother’s car. What had Stanley done in his years without the Stanleymobile?

He had to fix it. There were a number of things Stanford had to make right, but this one was absolutely imperative. He pulled open a drawer and began rifling through the back, pulling out a shirt for Stanley. He would fix this. He didn’t know how, but he’d come up with a way. He didn’t want his niece to have to experience the same things Stanley had.

He didn’t want Stanley to have to experience the things Stanley had.

For all his eloquence, Stanford wasn’t as good with words as he’d hoped when it came to people. Things always seemed to end in a fight or ruffled feathers, at the very least. It was a wonder Fiddleford had put up with it all for as long as he had. He’d just have to show them both the emotions he couldn’t properly express. Their Ma, silver-tongued though she was, had always been the same way with them growing up. Her words never carried as much weight as her actions did. She had even gone out of her way to make them both a birthday cake each every year, even on years they had decided on the same flavor. He smiled at the thought.

He might not have been able to bake a cake, but he would do his damnedest to get his point across.

He just had to find this stupid shirt first.

≈

Stanford hustled his way upstairs, a shirt tossed over either shoulder. The bathtime noises had quieted, and from the cracked door he could see the light was off. He must’ve taken longer than he’d expected to collect the garments. He continued on to his guest room, pleased to hear the faint shuffling from inside the room. He sidled up to the doorway, one hand pressed against the frame. He watched a slight frown cross Stanley’s face as he squeezed a damp shirt, wiping the water across the lounge pants he’d changed into. So I made good timing. Good.

His brother turned slightly as he bunched the damp shirt up, ready to pull it over his head. Ford moved his hand to tap on the doorframe, but froze. His eye caught the outline of the sigil he’d burned into Stan’s shoulder and he winced at the dark bluish, purpled scar tissue. Fuck. Ford had never gotten the chance to see the aftermath of his handiwork; Stanley had been so closed-off and silent when he’d returned, and had seemingly done his best to keep as far away from Stanford as possible until he’d driven off into the night without so much as a by-your-leave.

The skin was shiny, not unusual for scar tissue, and seemed to dip inwards rather than keloid, forming dips and valleys where the hot metal had seared through his skin and into his actual flesh. The skin around it puckered more than stretched as it pulled taut with his movements. And to think he could still fight, with his shoulder like this. Maybe there was a reason he was taking falls and throwing fights.

He had done that to his brother. Just looking at it brought back the acrid smell of Stanley’s charred skin and the fat sizzling underneath it, mixing with the sharp bite of the molten polyester of his jacket. He had to be able to feel that. Was the smell lodged high in the back of Stanley's sinuses as well? He could almost see the melting fabric darken and dissolve and crawl away from the blinding heat, just to cling to Stan's unaffected skin to scald him further. That jacket had been too light for winter. The skin must have cracked and wept for Stanley, like Ford had wept for him on the other side. Fat lot of good that did. Had it bled? Or had the heat cauterized the wound immediately? Stanford had used that brand to engrave symbols into solid steel. There was no way the damage done could have healed without complications. It was so close to his spinal cord, to top it all off. It was a wonder his brother was still alive.

Stanford’s eyes dropped to the floor, but fell short. Another large scar marred his brother’s body. An angry, pink puckered gash ran diagonally from his back to the tip of his right hip. Ford’s mind was quick to offer the word nephrectomy, and he made a concerted effort to ignore it. No, this scar was roughly-hewn and there were a number of ways Stan could have gotten himself another scar. He could’ve tried some reckless stunt on a motorcycle, or been in a freak hiking accident, or a knife fight, or, or, or—

Stanley rotated his body slightly, moving the majority of the scar out of Ford’s line of vision. He must’ve noticed his presence. With a concerted effort, Stanford straightened his body and face as Stanley tugged the shirt down fully, turning to face him.

“I come bearing shirts.” He held the offending garments up as a lame offering. Stanley’s drawn, contemptuous face did not change. He let his arms drop.

“…Right. Thanks.” Stanley mumbled. Stanford stepped into the room in his best attempt at looking casual, giving a quick glance towards the bundled lump on the bed.

“Is she asleep?” his voice dropped to a near whisper.

“Yeah.” Stanley turned his head to stare at his little lump and remained silent for a moment, a faint smile forming. “Started fallin’ asleep halfway through her bath.”

Ford didn’t hold back his smile. “I… This one is smaller, of course, I’d imagine it fits better than an adult man’s shirt would. I received it by accident and just…never got rid of it.” He rambled away, though it did nothing for the tremble in his hands or the bitter taste of guilt corroding his tongue. He lifted the larger shirt. “Also, this one isn’t wet.” Damnit. Would it kill you to keep your mouth shut? Just once?

Stanley eyed the shirt, then Stanford. “Aaalright, then. Thanks.” He mumbled the word, almost as an afterthought as he stretched a reluctant hand towards the proffered shirts.

Once taken, Stanford took a step back, offering his brother a weak smile. It was painfully clear that Stanley wanted him out of the room, and for once, Stanford felt the same. “I’ll just… let you two sleep now.” He feigned nonchalance as he inched his way out of the threshold. Oh, Fuck. “Wait.” He doubled back to peer into the doorway, wincing slightly. “I’m about to… gather up my own belongings to throw in the washer, if you’d like to add yours in?”

“Okay, Ford. Sure. Thanks.” Stanley mumbled, no heat behind the edge to his words. He just sounded exhausted. And whose fault was that today? “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Stanford Pines dragged himself down the stairs—vindicated, he supposed—though feeling a great deal emptier than he had in quite some time for it.

It's been so long?? How did this happen?? Exactly a week ago I was ready to post this, eleven pages shorter, but my stupid self had to go and say "nah let's make it a little longer." This chapter is over TWICE the length of my average chapters, and to be fair I could've separated it into two chapters, but I didn't want to, so there's that? I really hope it was worth the wait. >.< This past month has been: one week and a half off of work, followed by a 4-day weekend, then ANOTHER 4-day weekend, this week was be a full week, and then we get ANOTHER long weekend on top of that. And another. You'd think that would be a good excuse for getting MORE updates than normal, but uh, every time I sat down to work it turned into "Hey, you wanna go to ___?" and I am a sucker for pretending to be an extrovert, so... Yeah. That's what happened.