#yes he actually got this on Grindr. YES it was the first message the guy sent no context | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

p-eppermintea · 3 years ago

Text

love is a drug (but it never comes with a warning)

AO3 LINK

Pairing: Erwin Smith / Levi Ackerman (Eruri) Characters: Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church Rating: Explicit Warnings: No warnings apply Word Count: 13186 Tags: Sexual Content, Hook-up to Lovers, Pining, Angst, Croissant the cat, Love Confessions, Christmas, Yes I wrote the Christmas scenes in June

Excerpt / Summary:

So, here’s the thing. Levi really isn’t the type of person who invites strangers over for sex. Sure, he had a couple of hook-ups, quick fumbles, and one-night stands after nights out in his younger years – but that’s about the extent of it.

NOTE: I started this in October and very slowly finished it over the past 8-ish months. Quality control courtesy of ADHD and my inability to force myself to edit, mixed with my impatience to post. Sorry about mistakes!

So, here’s the thing.

Levi really isn’t the type of person who invites strangers over for sex. Sure, he had a couple of hook-ups, quick fumbles, and one-night stands after nights out in his younger years – but that’s about the extent of it.

The older he gets, the less he cares about sex. He’s slowly paying off a mortgage, has hobbies and a good job and a couple of even better friends. Meeting people just seems like a waste of time, and sex is just so unnecessary and messy.

But after almost two years of celibacy and with the house to himself for the weekend, he caves and downloads Grindr. He pours himself a glass of wine, downs it, and meanders around the house for a little bit. He feeds his cat. Pours himself another glass of wine. Polishes his already meticulously clean coffee table. He finally opens the app properly.

Making a profile doesn’t take him too long, and most of that time is taken up by choosing a profile picture. He settles on the gym photo he sent to Isabel a week earlier. He doesn’t really take a lot of photos of himself either, so it’s not exactly hard for him to choose.

Levi takes one look at the array of profiles before he sighs heavily and throws his phone to the other side of the couch. This is so stupid.

He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. He’s thirty, for fuck’s sake. He’s gone through all of the stupid hormonal-fuelled confusion from his teen and early adult years, and he hasn’t been self-conscious about himself for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t even get nervous before big presentations. So why is this making his heart race and his palms sweat?

He sits and finishes his drink slowly, listening as his phone buzzes every now and then in front of him.

About twenty minutes pass before he eventually gives in and grabs his phone again.

Three messages. Alright, not bad. He can deal with three messages.

They aren’t really anything special. It’s about what Levi expected; “Top or bottom?”, “Come here often?”. And, of course, a dick pic straight away. Levi scoffs at that last one. It’s an okay photo, he supposes. It’s a just dick, though, there isn’t really much more to it. He’s worth more than some low-effort and unsolicited dick pic, though, so the message is ultimately ignored.

He’s actually a little disappointed by the choices. Maybe he’s a bit too old for this, but it just seems like people have gotten lazy when it comes to looking for hookups. They could’ve at least put some effort into their first messages, for fuck’s sake.

Levi shoots a lazy reply of “Switch” to the first guy. He looks okay in his profile picture. Attractive, but with soft features and the build of a particularly thin tree. He doesn’t really find himself gravitating towards that type of man too often.

Mr. Cheesy-Pick-Up-Line is more his type. Tall, wide shoulders, chiselled, and downright handsome. Erwin, thirty-five. A little bit closer to his age, too.

Too bad his first message is so lame.

Erwin: Come here often?

Levi: What is this, the nineties? Does that even ever work?

Levi: I just downloaded this.

Erwin: Not yet, but I’ve got my fingers crossed! What brings you here?

Levi: Looking for a hook-up, I guess.

Erwin: Any luck?

Levi: Not yet. Unless one mediocre dick pic counts.

Erwin: Unfortunate. I find that it’s quite rare to find a decent one. I could definitely send a much better one

Erwin: That was a joke. I think. Unless…?

This guy is so lame.

Levi: Ha. Ha. Ha. Hilarious.

He chews on his lip, contemplating. He flicks off the lid of the wine bottle and takes a swig. Fuck it. He might as well throw himself right in the deep end and get it over with.

Levi: Alright then. I’ll warn you though, I’m a tough crowd to impress.

And, well.

It’s something, alright. He was right, at least – it is much better. Warm early-morning lighting, with soft shadows that define the sharp planes of his hips. He’s kneeling on a bed, hard and curved in his hand, and okay. Levi’s stomach twists deliciously.

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

Levi: When can you come over?

When turns out to be right this minute.

Levi chews on his fingernails for the entire forty minutes it takes for Erwin to get to his house.

It’s not until he hears a car door slamming closed out on his driveway that it finally sets in. He’s known this guy for approximately… What, an hour now? And he’s coming over. To his house. At damn near ten o’clock at night.

Oh God, what if he’s a total catfish. Or a serial killer?

By the time there’s a knock at the door, Levi still hasn’t decided whether or not he can actually go through with it. He spends way too long pacing by the door and swearing to himself under his breath. He picks up his cat, and puts her down, and then picks her up again, before finally opening the door.

Erwin is standing in front of him, way taller and way more handsome than his photo looked. “Levi?”

The cat squirms in his arms. “Um.” Levi swallows, his throat suddenly dry. “Yeah, that’s me.” He steps aside and gestures inside, inviting him in.

Erwin steps inside, moving slowly and smiling kindly at Levi on his way past. “Cute cat,” he comments while Levi is bumping the door closed with his hip. He steps closer – way too close – and immediately starts rubbing behind her ears.

“Her name is Croissant,” Levi mumbles. She’s a little sand-coloured thing, with big green eyes and a fluffy tail. The name suits her. “She’s my housemate’s cat.”

Erwin laughs. “Nice to meet you, Croissant.” He’s leaning down and cooing over her, and she’s purring. That little shit, who almost never purrs when Levi is petting her, is actually purring.

Before Levi can get too annoyed that Erwin is giving the cat more attention, Erwin straightens up and looks at Levi with a bright grin. “How shall we do this, then?” he asks. “Would you feel more comfortable if we sit down and talk first, or just get into it?”

Levi contemplates for a moment, Croissant squirming in his arms until she breaks free from his hold and dashes off into the kitchen. It’s not like they’re on a date or anything, so getting to know each other first seems a little pointless to him. “What do you usually do?”

“I don’t do this too often, but when I do, I find it easier to start slow.” He’s already pretty close, but he steps forwards, moving more and more into Levi’s space. They’re basically breathing in each other’s mouths. Levi wets his dry as fuck lips and shuffles nervously. “Is this okay?”

Levi nods, and Erwin’s hand starts travelling lightly up his arm. His body jerks automatically in response, but he quickly relaxes. His hand eventually stops on Levi’s elbow, and he leans even closer. “Tell me when to stop,” he mumbles.

Erwin is taking his sweet time, studying Levi’s face. He squirms under his steely blue gaze. The anticipation is fucking killing him. It’s almost unbearable.

So Levi kisses Erwin first. He raises up onto the tips of his toes and smashes their lips together, throwing his arms up around Erwin’s neck, slow be damned.

It’s good, as far as first kisses go. Erwin is soft and tender, but there’s this underlying dominance to him. He allows Erwin to kiss his way into his mouth, his hands sliding up Levi’s arms and finding their way onto his cheeks.

They move slowly to the living room, hands and mouths roaming carelessly, and clothes slowly finding themselves strewn out on the floor. They fall onto the couch together, Erwin pulling Levi’s shirt off over his head and dropping it onto the floor next to them. Levi shudders at the sight of clothes discarded on the floor haphazardly, but then Erwin is kissing him again, and pushing him down into the couch cushions, and climbing on top of him, and suddenly he just doesn’t mind.

“Do you mind if I mark you?” Erwin asks, looking down at Levi with narrow eyes.

Levi’s breath catches in his throat, and he shakes his head quickly. Erwin moves downwards, and Levi’s head immediately falls back to expose his neck, his eyes rolling back when Erwin’s lips attach to his skin.

Part of Levi wants to roll Erwin over and make him beg – he usually takes on a more dominant role during sex. But they’ve only been making out for about ten minutes, and Levi just wants to lay there and let Erwin do whatever he wants to him, as many times as he wants. Levi groans quietly as Erwin digs his teeth into his skin and sucks hard.

They just seem to click.

Afterwards, when they’re both sweaty and exhausted and very much satisfied, Levi makes Erwin a cup of tea, and they sit in the kitchen and drink in silence.

After Levi’s usual hook-ups, he usually either kicks the guy out, or passes out immediately afterwards and pretends to still be asleep in the morning as he sneaks out, never to be seen again. He doesn’t have time for casual conversation with random guys from clubs.

This time feels different – he actually kind of likes Erwin. He’s definitely the best sex he’s ever had, that’s for sure. He really has no idea what to say, though.

Croissant is sitting in the doorway, eyeing them both suspiciously. Levi can feel her judging them.

“So,” Erwin starts, setting his cup down. “What happens now?”

“I don’t know,” Levi admits. He takes a sip of his tea. “You do this more than I do, you tell me.”

“I mean… unless you’d like me to go, perhaps we could put on a movie?” Erwin’s eyebrows wriggle suggestively. It’s stupid, and lame, and annoyingly cute. “And not watch it?”

And that’s how they find themselves back on Levi’s couch, making out lazily with some shitty rom-com that Erwin chose playing on the TV.

Erwin is exactly the right size for Levi to be far too comfortable lying on top of him. He’s big enough to wrap himself almost completely around Levi’s body. He feels oddly secure.

He’s also the perfect size, it seems, for Croissant to insert herself directly in-between them, pushing her little head between the two of them and lying down directly on Erwin’s chest. She starts purring immediately, flexing her claws in Erwin’s shirt, and flicking Levi with her tail.

“Oh wow,” Levi says, sitting up and crossing his arms. “Are you some kind of cat hypnotist or something?”

Erwin laughs, scratching Croissant behind the ears. “I guess she just likes me.”

Levi scoffs. “The little bitch doesn’t like anyone except my dumbshit housemate,” he replies. “She doesn’t even like me that much.”

“That’s surprising, you’re very pleasant,” Erwin replies, smiling cheekily. The joke is obvious behind his eyes and toothy smile.

“If my stupid cat wasn’t between us right now, I’d kick your ass.”

Erwin laughs, a bright and hearty sound that rumbles deep in his chest and startles Croissant. She merely looks at him in alarm for a moment, and then goes back to purring. He continues to fuss over her, making little kissy faces and squishing her face delicately in his hands. “You are so cute,” he coos, wrapping his arms around her gently and pulling her closer to his chest.

All Levi can really do is just watch as his Grindr hook-up, still in just his underwear and a T-shirt, gives his cat more attention than him. He can’t help but smile a little bit to himself, though, as he watches Erwin interacting with Croissant. It’s actually pretty endearing, in a way.

“I think someone’s in love,” Levi comments. He watches for a little bit longer, before his erection starts to go down and he gets a little too impatient. “Okay, time’s up. Shove her off and pay attention to me again.”

Erwin rubs his nose lovingly against Croissant’s forehead and picks her up, putting her down on the carpet. She looks disappointed, but opts for staring up at them instead of jumping up again. He looks back up at Levi and wets his lips, pulling him down with a large hand on the back of his neck.

It’s not until after half a movie, two more rounds, and a few episodes of Friends later, that Erwin yawns loudly, stretching his arms over his head.

“It’s late,” Levi observes. The clock above the TV reads somewhere after 2 AM. He really wasn’t intending for Erwin to stay for so long, but part of him really didn’t want him to leave. If anyone asks him, he’ll probably say that hormones were compelling him to let Erwin stay – it has been a while since he’s had any kind of sex, after all. But the truth is that he actually just really likes spending time with him.

“Yeah,” Erwin replies slowly.

“You’re probably too tired to drive home.”

“I guess I am, yeah.” Erwin’s eyebrow rises, waiting.

Levi looks down at his hands, scraping at an invisible speck on his thumbnail. “So maybe you should stay for the night. Y’know. So you don’t fall asleep at the wheel and die.”

Erwin huffs out a laugh. “That sounds good to me.”

Levi stands up, rubbing at his tired eyes with his sleeve. He reaches out his hand sheepishly, and leads Erwin into his bedroom – Croissant following close by.

“Just don’t leave in the middle of the night and steal my shit,” Levi grumbles. “I’ll know.”

When Levi wakes up at 9 AM in the morning (which is uncharacteristically late for him), he’s almost shocked that Erwin is still in the bed with him. For some reason, he kind of expected him to get up and disappear during the night. He doesn’t seem like the type, but there’s always the possibility. And of course, Croissant is curled up on the pillow, right next to his head, and snoring quietly.

He sits up in bed and watches them for a little bit. While Croissant is a bit of a cuddle bug sometimes, she’s never really connected with anyone as quickly as she seems to be connecting with Erwin. Even when Isabel brought her home as a rescue kitten – it took her a couple of months to get to this point. What’s so special about Erwin, then?

Levi is almost tempted to take a photo of the two for Isabel, but he really doesn’t want to be that guy who takes weird creepy photos of his hook-ups. He also doesn’t even want to think about all the questions and comments she’ll have for him. Knowing her, she’d be on the first train back, just to get a glimpse at Erwin. No, it’s probably better he keeps this to himself. She’ll inevitably find out eventually, though.

Erwin shifts and groans in his sleep, and Levi startles, whipping his head the other way. He quietly crawls out of bed and retreats into his en suite, closing the door carefully behind him. He busies himself with brushing his teeth, keeping an ear out in case Erwin stirs more.

He has no idea what he’s going to do when Erwin wakes up. He supposes he should make him breakfast and tea, and then what? Would it be rude to ask him to leave after that? He could always use work as an excuse if he needs to.

Levi sits on the side of the bathtub for a little bit, eyeing the spiderweb in the corner of his ceiling with disgust. It’s been there for a few weeks, but he doesn’t have the heart to get rid of it while there’s a spider still living there. After all, she keeps the flies out.

He sighs loudly and gets up, leaving the bathroom quietly. Erwin is sitting up in bed with Croissant, stroking her back quietly. Unfazed by Levi’s re-entrance, she rolls over onto her back, purring loudly as Erwin rubs her belly.

“Wow, you have her so whipped,” Levi observes.

Erwin smiles up at Levi. “I guess I just have the magic touch or something.”

Levi lingers in the doorway, shuffling his feet. He watches as Erwin leans over and presses his face into Croissant’s chest, scratching her cheeks. It’s stupidly cute, and Levi hates it.

“Um, so,” Levi starts. “Sleep well?” He cringes. Small talk really isn’t his thing, obviously.

Erwin sits up, smiling handsomely up at Levi. “I did, thank you.”

Levi sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to Croissant and softly petting her head. She looks up at him, looking downright offended that he’d even dare to look at her right now. In one swift motion, she flips over and bolts out of the room, sprinting down the hallway at full speed.

They both sit in silence, avoiding eye contact like the plague. Or, at least Levi avoids it. When he finally looks up at Erwin, he’s looking right back at him. His cheeks turn hot.

It’s not long until Erwin is pushing him down into the mattress and slowly kissing his way down Levi’s chest. His mouth is hot and wet when he takes him all the way down.

Levi makes both of them breakfast and they eat quietly in the kitchen, exchanging casual small talk every now and then. Erwin is a sous chef. He has no siblings, both of his parents are dead, and he lives alone. He likes dogs more than cats, but cats are cool, too.

They both have such regular, boring lives. No wonder Erwin is so freaky in bed.

Erwin puts his empty teacup down carefully and stretches, groaning loudly as he does. “I have to go,” he starts. Levi deflates a little, strangely disappointed. Erwin continues, “I’d really like to see you again, though.”

“I’d like that too.”

They say an awkward goodbye to each other at the door. Levi gives Erwin his phone number with a shy, “Call me whenever,” and watches as Erwin gets in his car and drives away.

Croissant sits by the door for most of the day.

Levi: I think you broke my cat.

Erwin: Oh?

The image Levi attaches is of Croissant, sleeping right next to the front door.

Levi: She’s been here since you left yesterday.

Erwin: I guess she misses me!

He also replies with a dorky laughing emote, and seriously Levi is so close to just blocking him. What is he, eighty-five?

Levi: My housemate came home, and the cat barely even looked at her. Usually, you can’t keep them away from each other.

Erwin: Oops! :)

Levi: She might get too lovesick, so you might have to come over again soon, maybe.

Levi physically cringes after hitting send on that one. This sort of weird flirting thing is new to him, but he quite likes Erwin. He never knew how enjoyable slightly awkward non-conversations and really good sex could actually be. It’s enjoyable enough to actually let himself talk like this, he supposes.

Erwin: Just tell me when

When Erwin comes over for the second time that Tuesday afternoon, he immediately scoops Croissant up into his arms and rocks her in his arms, pressing little kisses onto her forehead. She squirms in his arms until he loosens his grip and climbs up onto his shoulders.

Isabel slides up next to Levi, eyeing them both curiously. “Wow, I thought he was joking,” she comments, eyes wide. “But there she is, happy as a peach.”

They go through the weird introductory stage as fast as they can. Luckily, Isabel and Erwin are both rays of fucking sunshine, so they get along really easily, readily going into a full conversation about Croissant while Levi stands there awkwardly. They don’t talk for too long – Croissant is far too insistent on Erwin’s full attention for that – and soon move to the kitchen. The plan is for Erwin to cook dinner, Isabel to “have a nosy at her big bro’s new man” (her words), and Levi to suffer eternally until she finally leaves them alone.

Isabel sits herself down on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island, resting her chin in her hands and looking between Levi and Erwin. She’s smiling uncontrollably at them, and it’s seriously creeping Levi out. She makes a happy little noise when Erwin sets Croissant down in her lap. Surprisingly, she settles right down, staring back at Erwin with big eyes.

Isabel and Erwin get back into their easy conversation, with Levi chiming in every now and then, while Erwin gets to work. He’s making vegan spaghetti and meatballs, as per Isabel’s request. Levi and Isabel half-play Scrabble while they wait, and Croissant eventually jumps down from her lap in favour of following Erwin around the kitchen – nearly tripping him up every five minutes.

It’s getting dark outside by the time Erwin finishes. Levi pours them all a glass of wine each, and they eat at the dining table.

Surprisingly to himself, Levi finds himself really enjoying himself. Erwin and Isabel seem to get along really well, which is good. He probably wouldn’t be able to see him anymore if she didn’t like him. It’s not exactly hard to get Isabel to like you, so if she doesn’t like someone, there must really be something wrong with them – especially if they’re willing to make dinner. And enough for leftovers, at that.

“God, you should cook for us every day,” Isabel groans, shoving her clear plate forwards. “I will give you Levi’s entire paycheque to be the head chef at Casa de Levi and Isabel.”

Erwin laughs, scratching his neck and blushing bashfully. “Oh, well…” he trails off, glancing at Levi, who just shrugs. “In that case, I’d quit my job in a heartbeat. I’ll even cook dinners for little Croissant here.” He looks down at her, where she insisted on curling up on his lap while they ate. She’s usually not allowed to be at the dinner table while they eat, but… well, Levi couldn’t exactly say no to all three of them, could he?

Isabel claps her hands together and looks at Levi with mock-pleading eyes, jutting out her bottom lip. “Oh please, Levi, can we keep him?”

Levi raises an eyebrow and pretends to think about it for a moment. He might as well play along. “I guess so, but only if you promise to clean up after him.”

Next to him, Erwin chuckles quietly. He reaches over subtly and places a hand on Levi’s knee under the table. Levi nearly jumps out of his skin, but manages to disguise it as shifting in his seat. His hand shifts, moving upwards slowly and eventually settling again high up on his thigh. When he glances at Erwin, all he gets is a small, polite smile.

Isabel grins hugely at Erwin, leaning forwards. “Looks like you’re staying here forever, then.”

“You’ll have to help me pack a bag,” he counters, somehow smiling back with the same intensity as Isabel. All while slowly sliding his hand between Levi’s thighs. When he opens his legs a little bit more, almost instinctively, Erwin’s hand moves further forwards. He rubs Levi through his jeans slowly, and Levi feels himself hardening, and okay, okay, okay.

Levi jumps up, completely startling Croissant and causing her to wriggle off of Erwin’s lap and shoot off out of the kitchen. “I’ll clean up,” he blurts out. He busies himself with taking all of the plates and empty wine glasses to the sink. Erwin looks up at Levi as he takes his plate, one eyebrow raised in concern. He smiles minutely, just to assure him that everything’s okay.

He cleans the dishes as quickly as he can manage whilst still being as meticulous as he usually is, and Erwin and Isabel continue their casual conversation quietly amongst themselves. He dries off his hands and turns around, tossing the handtowel at Isabel’s head. “Alright, fuck off now, it’s my turn.”

Isabel stands up abruptly and throws the towel back at him, missing completely. She’s smiling. “Alright, Mr. Grumpy Bones, I’m going!” She turns to Erwin on her way out and gives a little wave. “It was nice to meet you, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, you too!”

She turns back just before she leaves the room and stares Levi down, her eyes saying, “Don’t you dare fuck in the kitchen,” in every way.

Levi huffs and slowly walks towards Erwin, waiting until he hears Isabel close her bedroom door behind her until he finally throws one leg over Erwin’s legs and climbs into his lap. “That was pretty mean,” he tells him, quiet and under his breath. He grazes his lips lightly against Erwin’s cheek, feeling him shudder.

“What was?” Erwin asks, smirking slyly.

“You know.” He nudges Erwin’s lips gently; not kissing him yet, but teasing. He puts a hand on Erwin’s cheek, using his thumb to part his lips and open up his mouth, and Erwin chases Levi’s tongue with his own.

They finally kiss, Erwin sighing contently and wrapping his arms perfectly around Levi’s waist. “Which one’s your bedroom again?” Erwin’s words come out as a whisper against Levi’s lips. They kiss again, and Erwin pulls Levi even closer, their chests pressing together. He slides his arms down and heaves both him and Levi up in one movement.

Levi’s legs wrap around Erwin’s waist, clinging to him like his life depends on it. “First door on the left down the corridor, make it quick.”

They have their first kind-of-but-really-not date on the following Friday.

It starts with Isabel harassing Levi from the second he gets home from work about how they “absolutely must go out tonight!” As much as he hates to admit it, Levi has never really been able to say no to her – and she knows it, too. That’s why there are photos of them all over the house, and a cat called Croissant.

Levi plays along and protests weakly for all of two minutes before giving in; she really does have him wrapped around her little finger. He feigns annoyance as he trudges to the bathroom to shower, just for the drama of it all. Truth is, they haven’t really had a night out together for a while. She’s been working pretty hard recently, and she deserves to have a nice time.

Levi showers as quickly and as thoroughly as he can manage without Isabel knocking the door down. He barely gets his underwear on before she’s barging into his bedroom and insisting that he dress up, immediately digging through his wardrobe to find him a shirt. She throws a dark blue button-down with white flowers to him – a shirt that she had gifted to him a few months ago after receiving her first paycheque. Levi isn’t really a flowers person at all, but it’s his favourite shirt. He’s allowed to be a sentimental bitch every once and a while.

Isabel pretty much forces him into a pair of inappropriately tight dress pants and pats him sweetly on the cheek. “So handsome!”

He shrugs her off of him, his cheeks growing warm. “Yeah yeah, get ready, and let’s fuckin’ go.”

She orders them both an Uber into the city – with one stop on the way to pick Farlan up – and walks them so quickly to the bar that she’s practically running. They end up in a fancy-looking underground cocktail lounge on the main street. It’s not quite dark out yet, and the clouds are grey and dense with rain. It had rained for most of the day already, but it didn’t seem like it would stop any time soon. Inside, there’s dim, warm lighting from the little chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, swing music playing on the speakers, and a lit fireplace. The whole nine yards.

They’re escorted to a small booth in the corner and given a couple of food and drink menus. Farlan and Levi go into a conversation about their respective days at work while Isabel immediately snatches up the menus and pours over them.

It’s been far too long since Levi and Farlan last caught up properly, but they fly back into comfortable conversation with ease. The three of them have a lot to talk about, especially after a couple of drinks each.

Levi gets up after a while to use the bathroom, slash buy the next round, slash flirt awkwardly with the stupidly cute bartender while he makes their drinks. When he walks back to their table, there are noticeably a couple more strawberries in the glasses than usual. He supposes that’s all he’ll get from his weird flirty banter, but he’s okay with that. He admires the professionality more than he cares for getting his number.

He barely sits back down and starts up the conversation again before Isabel gasps loudly, squirming in her seat. “Erwin’s here!” she squeaks, far too loudly, and pointing at the other side of the restaurant.

And yep. There he is. Of course, she invited him.

Levi hides behind his drink and watches as Erwin rushes over, all handsome and tall and button-up shirt tucked in with the sleeves rolled up and a stupid navy tie, and who even gave him the right to look that good?

“God, sorry I’m late,” Erwin says hurriedly. “We were late with closing, and then I got stuck in some traffic, and then I had to go home and change, and –”

Isabel cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “Don’t worry about it!” She stands up from her seat next to Levi and pats the now-vacant chair. “Sit! I’ll get you a drink – the espresso martinis here are so good.”

She runs off to the bar before Erwin can get another word in, let alone protest to her spending money on him.

There’s a long beat of weird, awkward silence before Farlan sticks his hand out, switching from awkward to his usual friendly self in a split second. “You’re Erwin, then,” he remarks.

Erwin shakes Farlan’s hand. “And you must be Farlan,” he counters. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Isabel.”

“Likewise,” Farlan responds, not without taking a not-so-subtle glance at Levi and raising his eyebrows suggestively. It takes every bit of strength in Levi’s being not to throw his drink straight at him. Instead, he just chews on his flimsy paper straw and grunts in acknowledgement.

“I think you just might be Isabel’s new favourite person,” Farlan continues. “She’s already completely smitten.”

Right on cue, Isabel gently places two espresso martinis down onto the table, before sitting down heavily herself next to Farlan. “If you and Levi split up, I’m totally swooping in and making you my housewife,” she jokes. “I do love some good home cooking.”

Erwin laughs nervously and sips his drink. “Well, I mean… There isn’t really anything to split up,” he adds in, glancing warily at Levi. “So… I suppose I could be your housewife whenever, then.”

All Levi can do is stare down into his drink and fidget with his hands. It is true that they aren’t actually together, but there’s something about the way Erwin said it, just like that - and he sounded so sure about it. For some reason, it hurt.

Levi tries so hard not to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Everyone who’s known him for more than a minute knows that he’d rather shove his head into a spider web than show his emotions, but that hit him differently for some reason. Perhaps it’s just the fact that he was always under the impression that there was something to split up – they’ve been seeing each other regularly for a while – longer than anyone has ever wanted to be around Levi for, other than Isabel and Farlan. Does Erwin actually think that way, or is he saying it because he thinks that’s what Levi thinks?

The thought of that, and coupled with the fact that Isabel didn’t even mention that he was coming, sends his brain into overload. He listens to Isabel and Farlan continue to talk at Erwin, until the staticky feeling in his brain starts to become too much and he downs the rest of his drink in one go. “Excuse me,” he says, getting up on wobbly legs and high tailing it to the bathroom as fast as he can.

He washes his hands once. And again. And then once more, for his own peace of mind.

Levi sighs and stares at himself in the mirror – at his tired, sunken-in eyes; the dryness of his lips and the paleness of his skin; his messy, dark hair. Every part of his brain is screaming at him. That he’s not good enough for Erwin; that he’s just going to leave him at the first chance he gets. It shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, just let it play out. His throat is dry, but he swallows down his anxiety and turns the tap on again, frantically dispensing soap onto his hand.

Two men enter the bathroom, chatting obnoxiously loudly with each other, and Levi uses it as an opportunity to escape back to their table. Nobody says anything, thank God¸ but Isabel slowly pushes a pink cocktail in a jar towards him. She gives him her best puppy-dog eyes, and he forgives her instantly. Of course he does.

His heartbeat thumps loudly in his ears as he sits down next to Erwin. He’s good at acting natural, so he warily hooks his foot around Erwin’s calf and puts a hand down on his thigh. He gets a warm smile in return, and Erwin leans in closer.

“So… Isabel didn’t mention that I was coming, then,” Erwin starts, quietly.

“No, she didn’t.”

“She said that she’s sorry for making you uncomfortable,” he offers.

Levi sighs. “Yeah, I know she is. She just got a bit carried away.”

Erwin raises an eyebrow at him. “There’s not much she can’t get away with with you, huh?” He sounds surprised, as if he hasn’t been in the same room as both of them at once. It’s laughably obvious how lenient Levi is with Isabel. She could come home with a whole litter of kittens, and he’d let her keep all of them if it would make her happy.

Of course, he wouldn’t actually tell her that, because she’d probably come home with a box full of cats the next day. But the sentiment is still there.

Levi shrugs passively. “She’s like a little sister to me,” he explains. “It’d be very un-big-brotherly of me to not let her get away with everything.”

That seems to make Erwin smile. “That’s really sweet.”

They sip their drinks together, in a silence that’s comfortable but still so painfully awkward.

Across the table, Isabel and Farlan are arguing over a basket of sweet potato fries – Farlan keeps stealing all of the crispy ones before Isabel can even look at them, how dare he. They’re both laughing about it, but Levi really wouldn’t be surprised if Isabel jumped over the table and started clawing at him.

Levi stays mostly quiet for the next hour or so, only chiming in on conversation every now and then. He just sits and sips on cocktail after cocktail, sinking into a fuzzy haze. By the time everyone starts to get ready to leave, his cheeks are numb, and it takes him a good few seconds to stand up on his shaky legs.

“We should head home before I spend all of my money,” Isabel sighs, pulling her coat over her shoulders.

Erwin slowly stands up and looks around at them, unsure what to do with himself. Isabel hooks her arm around Erwin’s and pulls herself close to his side.

“Come back to ours,” she says, looking up at him. “I have some wine left, and you can stay the night.” She turns to Levi. God, she knows he can’t resist her stupid puppy-dog eyes. “Right?”

Levi shrugs, acting as nonchalant as he can. “Sounds good.”

Erwin smiles, “Sounds good to me, too.”

It’s not long until Isabel is wine-drunk and singing and swaying around the kitchen with Croissant huddled securely to her chest, whilst Levi, Erwin, and Farlan play Uno at the table. It’s definitely not Levi’s game of choice – not by a long shot. He’s unnecessarily competitive and impatient, and everyone knows that when you mix that with Uno, friendships get destroyed and someone ends up crying. He sits there, grumpy as ever and holding about fifteen cards, and glares at Farlan from across the table. He somehow managed to get all of the pick up four and reversal cards, completely fucking Levi over, because he’s a fucking coward who doesn’t even dare target the new guy.

“Fucking hell Is, it’s your turn,” Levi groans, picking up her hand and throwing it at her weakly. The cards flutter down around her and land softly at her feet.

“Noooo, no cards. Time to dance with the baby.” The baby, who is actually a four-year-old adult cat, seems content to just sit in her arms and be swayed.

Erwin looks on with amusement. It’s the first time since they got home that Croissant hasn’t stuck to Erwin like glue. (Although, she did get a bit upset about being stolen from her comfortable perch on his lap.)

“My turn, then!” Farlan says. He’s far too excited, Levi notices. And… yep, another pick up two card. Yet again, Levi doesn’t have anything to refute it with. He grumbles in annoyance as he picks up another two. He’s so getting his ass beaten later.

Next to him, Erwin takes his turn, happily exclaiming, “Uno!” as he sets down a yellow reversal card.

Levi throws his card onto the pile unceremoniously, and then Farlan takes his turn, and ultimately, Erwin is declared the winner.

“Thank fuck that’s over,” Levi hisses, dropping the rest of his cards onto the table. “I forgot that you’re an asshole.”

Farlan laughs happily. “Not my fault you’re bad at Uno.”

“I will punch you, and you know I will,” Levi challenges, standing up. It’s all just casual banter, and they both know that he probably wouldn’t punch Farlan. (Probably.)

“Let’s go, then!” Farlan jumps to his feet, puffing out his chest comically. He moves into an open space and beckons at Levi, planting his feet down firmly on the ground and bracing himself.

Erwin looks alarmed, but he doesn’t say anything. He just watches quietly as Levi lets out a (reasonably volumed) war cry and immediately pounces on Farlan like a cat. Their actual cat squirms out of Isabel’s arms and bolts off out of the kitchen. They wrestle with each other, and it’s like they’re kids again. Except much less messy, and more… two men who are getting way too old for wrestling.

Levi manages to pin Farlan down, jamming his hands under his shirt and wriggling them against his sides. He tickles Farlan until he’s a mess of laughter and surprisingly high-pitched noises, thrashing around and begging him to stop.

“It’s like watching two puppies fight,” Erwin remarks amusedly. He steps back cautiously when Levi’s head whips around to look at him.

“You wanna go too, big boy?”

Erwin raises an eyebrow at him. “You really think you could take me down?” he challenges. He thinks for a second before adding a wary sounding, “Short stuff?”

Isabel and Farlan gasp dramatically. “You didn’t,” Isabel laughed.

Levi gets up rather ungracefully and starts towards Erwin, flipping his hair out of his face and cracking his knuckles. Erwin doesn’t seem to be too worried by his “boy on the streets” intimidation tactic. He seems confident that Levi won’t actually hurt him or anything, but they both know that Levi is stronger than he looks.

Levi is also a lot quicker than he looks, too, and he manages to dodge around Erwin and jump up onto his back. He uses all of his weight to clumsily pull Erwin down onto the ground, rolling him over onto his back and throwing a leg over his body to straddle him. Isabel cheers for him enthusiastically. Even though Erwin’s tipsy state makes it a lot easier to take him down, he still huffs in triumph at his win.

“I wasn’t expecting you to actually be able to do it,” Erwin observes. He subtly places a hand on Levi’s thigh, stroking it gently. “I stand corrected.”

Levi grumbles under his breath nervously, his face warm and flushed. He moves to stand up and Erwin strikes, wrapping his arms around Levi and flipping him over onto the ground. The impact knocks the wind out of Levi’s lungs a little bit, and he gasps for breath.

“You dirty bitch,” Levi hisses, immediately struggling to regain control. Erwin just laughs and sits down heavily on his thighs, restricting his movement.

Erwin shrugs, grabbing Levi’s hands and pinning them down by his head. “You don’t win by playing nice and following rules.”

Levi sticks up his nose at Erwin, giving him his best annoyed face.

All he gets in return is a big grin as Erwin leans down, pressing a kiss on the tip of his nose. “For such an angry little man, you sure are cute,” he points out.

From the kitchen, Farlan fakes gagging sounds. “I’m going to throw up, stop it.” Isabel giggles next to him.

Just to be rude, Erwin leans down and kisses Levi properly, laughing against his mouth. And what kind of person would Levi be if he didn’t kiss him back?

It happens slowly, but eventually, Erwin ends up spending most of his time at Levi and Isabel’s place. It started as one or two times a week, but then Levi suggests that it could be nice if Erwin spent a weekend there. After that, his toothbrush starts making an appearance in the bathroom, and Levi finds at least three pairs of his underwear in his wardrobe. They go to work at the same time, Levi comes home, and then he and Croissant just sit and wait for Erwin to come back a couple of hours. Sometimes it feels like years, but he doesn’t think too far into that.

Levi isn’t entirely sure what it is that keeps Erwin coming back. It could be that he gets along with Isabel really well. Both her and Croissant seem to follow him around wherever he goes. He comes home one day to all three of them asleep on the couch, some cheesy TV show playing in the background. He tries not to feel too jealous about their bond, because he and Erwin do still spend plenty of time alone together. But Levi just seems to struggle to connect with people in the same way that Isabel has always been able to, and he’s always been uncomfortably insecure about that.

Awkward lapses in conversation slowly turn into comfortable silences, though, and slowly but surely, it gets easier.

It’s hard for Levi to believe that someone like Erwin could genuinely like him, sometimes. He wouldn’t exactly brand himself as someone who’s easy to tolerate, never mind actually like. But apparently Erwin, who is relentlessly pleasant to be around and far easier to get along with than Levi is himself, really, actually, genuinely likes him.

Levi brushes his teeth and stares at Erwin’s razor, sitting on the side of the sink. It’s just sitting there, like it pays rent or something. And it should annoy him, but it doesn’t. Erwin is very slowly invading his home, his social life, his thoughts. Surprisingly, he’s okay with it. What started out as a hook-up and then really good casual sex is now… a friendship, he guesses. The sex is still good too, which is a bonus.

He sighs and puts his toothbrush back in its holder. What is he turning into?

They don’t see each other for about two weeks, making sure to text every now and then and communicate through Isabel. Even Levi will admit that it gets a little sad around the house without Erwin around. Croissant goes all around the house trying to find him, and Levi feels bad enough for her that he lets her sleep in his bed for a couple of nights.

Levi comes home on Thursday night from what is turning out to be his longest and most exhausting week in a long time. He fully intends on just lying on the kitchen floor with his cat for the next few hours and disintegrating into a pile of sand. He groans, hanging his work bag up on the hook by the front door, and heads towards the kitchen. The smell of sautéing onions gets stronger the closer he gets, accompanied by some faint pop song on the radio. “God, Isabel, I swear,” he starts, “if another one of the assholes I work with tests me, I’m going to start punching.”

He rounds the corner into the kitchen, only to be met by broad shoulders and blond hair. He blinks at Erwin, standing at the stove with Levi’s stupid old apron on. It’s pink, with big black letters on that front that invite you to kiss the cook. It’s also about two sizes too small on Erwin, and Levi has to work hard to suppress his laughter. “My, Isabel, you sure do look different today, did you cut your hair?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Erwin replies, turning back to the stove. “She let me in and went out for the night.”

“Right,” Levi says, suspicious. He approaches the kitchen island cautiously. Croissant is sitting on one of the stools, flicking her fluffy tail and watching Erwin intently. He sits on the stool next to her and reaches over to pet her head.

“I mean,” Erwin continues, pushing the contents of the pan around slowly, “she told me you were having a bad week and invited me over. Y’know, to help make you feel better.”

While he has never met them, Levi knows that Erwin has friends of his own. Which, as Levi understands it, loosely translates to having something better to do with his time. He doesn’t say that, though, because the last time he brought it up, Erwin just looked really sad and said, “What could be better than this?” Levi felt guilty for a whole week after that.

“I have this whole thing planned for tonight, so you can just go sit down and relax,” Erwin explains, reaching over to turn the kettle on. “I’ll bring a cup of tea out for you.”

Levi starts to protest, but Erwin gives him a look of pure don’t even try that’s somehow scary enough to scare Levi, of all people, into just shutting up and following instructions.

He heads into the living room, taking off his blazer on the way and folding it up neatly, placing it carefully on one of the armchairs. He throws himself down onto the couch, clicking the on button on the TV remote. He doesn’t really indulge himself on TV at all, but flips the channel until he lands on the opening song of this soap opera that he and Isabel started watching ages ago. She slowly lost interest and stopped watching, but Levi still catches up on it every now and then.

Erwin comes in and sets a mug down on the coffee table, taking care to put a coaster down first. Levi watches as he meticulously shifts the coaster around until it’s in the exact spot (more or less) that Levi puts it every time he uses it. He softly kisses Levi on the forehead on his way out, having said nothing about his evening TV viewing choices – Levi sighs in relief at that.

Levi takes a big gulp of his tea and sits back. He swims in and out of consciousness for a little bit, only half paying attention to his show. It’s been such a long and shitty week that he can’t even watch his favourite soap opera for longer than ten minutes without just wanting to fall asleep immediately.

The next thing he knows, Erwin is standing over Levi and gently shaking his shoulder. “Dinner’s ready,” he says softly when Levi opens his eyes.

Levi groans and crawls off of the couch, still half asleep. His soap’s credits sequence is playing on the TV, so at least he hasn’t been asleep for too long. He follows Erwin to the dining room, yawning obnoxiously loudly as he trails slowly behind him. “Thanks for making dinner,” he mumbles. “I’m so exhausted, I probably would’ve forgotten to eat again.”

Erwin laughs quietly. “Yeah, Isabel mentioned that you haven’t been eating properly.”

“Figures,” Levi sighs, sitting down at the table. There’s a big bowl of spaghetti bolognese (with real meat) in front of him, and a big loaf of garlic bread in the middle of the table. “Oh God,” he moans, reaching straight for the end piece of the loaf. “I am so in love.”

He doesn’t even try to back-peddle on that – he just immediately blocks it out of his memories and shoves the entire slice of garlic bread into his mouth at once. Thankfully, Erwin just sits down and doesn’t mention it at all, looking noticeably redder in the face.

Levi scarfs down his dinner in record time, downing an entire glass of water afterwards. “You’re too good at this,” he sighs. “Maybe you should be our live-in chef.”

“I’m sure Isabel will be very happy to hear that,” Erwin replies. “And Croissant, of course. She was absolutely screaming at me when I got here.”

“Stupid fucking cat.” Levi says it with all of the love he can muster. After all, they’re not that dissimilar when it comes to Erwin these days – always wanting to spend time with each other. He almost rolls his eyes at himself – he’s turned into such a fucking sap, it almost makes him sick.

They sit there for a little longer while Erwin finishes his own dinner, keeping up quiet casual conversation. Levi slowly eats away at the rest of the garlic bread, despite having eaten way too much and way too quickly. The bread is just so good, though, that he can’t resist.

Erwin takes their plates to the kitchen and gets to tidying up. Levi rests his chin in his hands and watches him work. He cleans up thoroughly and efficiently, and fuck, Levi should not be as turned on by that as he is – and yet…

Before he fully realises he’s doing it, Levi gets up from his seat and approaches Erwin, turning him around and kissing him straight on the lips. Between the tea, dinner, cleaning up afterwards, and just being here in general – Levi just can’t resist. He has always been independent, never relying on anyone, but letting Erwin look after him for just one night is just so refreshing.

Levi pulls back slowly and watches as Erwin stands there with his eyes still closed and his lips still parted and looking so beautiful; and before he can stop it, a little voice in his mind says, “Fuck, I’m in love with you.”

“Oh,” he says, out loud. It’s the first time he’s ever allowed himself to think about it. It slipped out, really – he’s been in denial about it for months now, shoving any thought even beginning with L deep into a little locked box in his mind.

Erwin opens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. He replies with a quiet, “Oh?” in return.

Levi laughs nervously, pulling away and backing the fuck up and out of Erwin’s general vicinity as fast as he can. He’s suddenly sweating buckets, and he can feel it sliding down his back – taunting him. “Oh!” he repeats. “Would you just look at the time.” He pulls his sleeve up to reveal his watch-less wrist. “I should go take a shower.”

Erwin looks conflicted for a second, cocking his head to the side like a confused dog, but he suddenly perks up and reaches out to grab Levi’s arm before he can run off to the bathroom. Any reaction to Levi’s sudden weirdness is thrown out the window as a shy smile spreads across his face. “Wait here a minute. I was going to draw you a bath as a nice surprise.” He pauses. “Well, I suppose it’s not much of a surprise now, but…”

“Oh,” Levi says again. He cringes at his overuse of the word and digs his nails into his palm, cursing this ridiculous gay panic. “That sounds good.”

Erwin happily trots off towards the bathroom, leaving Levi to stand around awkwardly in the kitchen. It’s almost too good. Dinner and a bath wouldn’t exactly be the most luxurious thing in the world in a lot of people’s eyes, but the most that Levi has ever gotten in terms of – he guesses – romantic gestures, is a one-night stand ordering food to his house after sex.

Erwin is making things very difficult for him, indeed.

While he’s in the kitchen, Levi busies himself with feeding Croissant for the night. The spoilt little cat meows loudly at his feet as he’s tipping a tin of Fancy Feast onto her plate. He puts the plate down for her and she immediately goes for it, scarfing the entire thing down in record time. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was being starved to death.

Levi squats down next to Croissant and strokes her back while she eats. It must be nice to be a cat, he thinks. Sitting around all day, not having to go to work or file taxes. Or deal with the feelings that you’ve been repressing for your friend-with-benefits, that have now reared their ugly little head despite how far you try to shove them down.

Not that Levi is bitter about it or anything.

Erwin calls out to him from the bathroom, and Levi gives Croissant one final scratch under the chin before he heads off to the bathroom.

He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t a bathroom filled to the brim with candles, a portable speaker playing quiet classical music, and a bath full of bubbles. Erwin is sitting down on the edge of the toilet lid, looking nervous as all hell.

It’s romantic, that’s for sure.

And all Levi can do is just start laughing. To make it worse, the sad, dejected look on Erwin’s face just makes him laugh even more. “Oh, God- Erwin, no, don’t worry,” he huffs. “This is really lovely, I swear.”

He’s not sure he’s ever referred to anything as lovely before in his life, but he’s being truthful. He forces his face back into a neutral expression and crosses over to the other side of the bedroom in a couple of strides, taking Erwin’s face in his hands and kissing him. “Really. Thank you.”

Levi starts to undress himself, placing his folded clothes in a neat, ordered pile on the counter by the sink. He can feel Erwin’s eyes burning into him as he takes off his underwear, and then even hotter still as he steps carefully into the bathtub and sinks down into the water. He sighs, and closes his eyes, and suddenly all of the stupid shit from the past week melts away in a mix of green tea scented bubble bath and vanilla candles. Fuck, it feels good.

“Are you going to join me or just sit there and stare at me like a creep for an hour?” Levi asks, rolling his head to face Erwin.

Erwin is hardly able to hold his excitement as he gets to his feet, taking his clothes off in record time. Levi sits forwards so that Erwin can slip into the tub behind him. The tub is pretty big, but Erwin still has to bend his knees to be able to sit in it. It’s still comfortable though, and Levi lets Erwin wrap his arms around his waist and pull him back against his chest.

With Erwin’s lips pressing little kisses against his cheeks and his fingers stroking little circles on his ribs – this may be the most relaxed he’s ever been.

After they get out of the bath and dry off, Erwin leads Levi to the bedroom. As if dinner and a bath weren’t enough, he gets Levi to lie naked and face-down on the bed for a massage. Erwin puts down a towel, brings a couple of candles in from the bathroom and sits, also naked, on the back of Levi’s knees.

The massage oil is cold as it drips onto his back, but it smells like coconut and it soon warms up when Erwin’s large hands glide up from the base of his spine to his shoulders. His entire body feels like it’s melting into the sheets as Erwin works out some of the most egregious knots in his shoulders and neck.

Levi sighs contentedly. “You better not have anything else planned. This is already so much.”

“This is the last thing,” Erwin chuckles. He leans over Levi’s body, pressing his chest against his back and kissing the back of his neck, and moving a short distance down his spine. “I promise.”

All Levi can do whilst Erwin is massaging his entire body is just lie there and moan quietly. He’s not really the type of guy to get massages, so he doesn’t have anything to compare it to, but Erwin does a damn good job at it. It’s hard for him to believe that anyone could do any better – especially when Erwin lightly presses his fingers between the tops of Levi’s thighs, sliding them up and cupping his buttocks firmly in his hands. From that point on, Levi is almost painfully hard.

He starts to squirm in his spot – not out of discomfort or anything, but pure anticipation. It’s obviously turning out to be one of those sorts of massages; especially with Erwin’s erection pressing firmly between his thighs. Levi isn’t exactly complaining about it, but Erwin sure is taking his sweet time to move onto anything further.

“Okay,” Erwin mumbles, sitting up on his knees a little bit. “Turn around.”

Levi flips himself over, raising his arms up to cover his eyes. Erwin applies more oil onto his hands and Levi can’t help but sigh as his hands move up his stomach and press into his chest. His gentle fingers circle Levi’s nipples, and God, he’s never felt so sensitive there in his life. He gasps loudly and arches his back when Erwin finally brushes the pads of his thumbs over them.

“Fuck, fuck,” Levi hisses, squeezing his eyes shut. His cock is throbbing and leaking against his stomach. Thankfully, Erwin decides not to tease him too much this time and goes straight into slowly moving his palm up the shaft of Levi’s cock before loosely wrapping his hand around it. He uses his other hand to nudge Levi’s legs apart and rub against his inner thighs, eventually sliding down between his cheeks to caress his perineum. It almost feels like too much stimulation, but in a good way. Honestly, he feels a little cheated that none of the hand jobs he’s ever received have felt like this.

Erwin’s hands speed up, his fingers inching further down to press and rub up against his entrance. Levi draws in a sharp breath when his middle finger finally penetrates him. He doesn’t take his time in sliding his finger further in, eliciting a loud moan from Levi when he crooks his finger up into his prostate.

He seems to be getting a lot of satisfaction in the reactions he’s getting from Levi, if the soft smile on his face is anything to go by. “How are you feeling?” he asks, tightening his grip a little bit.

Levi sighs, “Good, good,” and lifts his legs up a little bit for easier access. Erwin takes it as an opportunity to add in another finger, pressing a firm kiss onto Levi’s knee. His fingers press up against Levi’s prostate at the same moment his other thumb rubs against his frenulum, and Levi’s whole body twitches almost violently. Erwin raises a thick eyebrow at that, letting out a soft, “Oh?”

Having found the sweet spot, he sticks to stroking those two places in particular, and the more he strokes, the more vocal Levi gets. It’s the loudest he’s ever been during sex – which isn’t that much of a challenge to beat, since he was usually strangely quiet. But the noises he’s making are downright pathetic. Even so, coupled with the fact that he’s legitimately panting and his body keeps twitching involuntarily, he can’t bring himself to feel too embarrassed about his body’s reaction to the stimulation.

His orgasm builds up in the pits of his stomach, tingling up his spine, and Erwin just keeps speeding up little by little. Luckily for Levi, it doesn’t take too long for his entire body to explode with pleasure – and explode it does. Levi comes, and his whole body shakes with it, and it just keeps going. His pathetic little moans evolve into frantic crying – so bad that he has to shove his face into the sheets to muffle most of it. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck,” Levi hisses, scrunching his eyes shut and practically crying into the sheets. “Fuck, I love you, Jesus fuck.”

Tears roll down his cheeks as his body starts to calm down a little bit, and he manages to wipe them away with the back of his hand. Erwin doesn’t say anything – he just strokes Levi’s hair and leans in to press little kisses on his forehead.

They lie there for a few moments, Erwin whispering praise in Levi’s ear as he tries to calm down and stop the physical aftershocks of his orgasm. It takes him a good ten minutes for his body to finally settle and stop feeling like it’s floating. He looks up at Erwin, and then it clicks. Oh no.

“That was… um,” Levi starts. He digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands and cringes internally. Erwin is looking back at him with wide eyes. There’s no way he missed it. Change the subject as quickly as you can. “I think you’ve killed me.”

“Is that good or bad?” Erwin asks, giving Levi a pitiful little smile.

“Good,” Levi confirms. “I totally blacked out for a minute there. Like… I almost have no idea what happened.”

Erwin looks a little confused, but Levi just chooses to ignore it and rolls away. He sits up, and immediately his vision floods with static. He groans and waits a few moments before he crawls off of the bed. His legs nearly give way when he stands up, but he manages to stay on his feet and pull on his underwear without falling over. “I’m going to shower this oil off of me.”

“Good idea.”

“Are you staying the night…?” Levi asks warily, completely unsure of whether he wanted him to or not.

“I’d like to stay,” Erwin confirms.

“Okay.” Levi stands there awkwardly for a beat too long, before basically sprinting down the hall and into the bathroom. He closes the door behind him a little bit too hard and leans his back against the door, sliding his hands over his face.

Fuck.

“You did what?!”

Levi just sits there, looking down at his hands in shame. Needless to say, Isabel didn’t take the news of Levi accidentally telling Erwin he loved him and then completely back-pedalling – y’know, like a coward – very well. She leans forwards and smackshim on the head. “Ouch, you bitch!” Levi yelps, grabbing his head. “What was I supposed to do?!”

“Oh, gosh, I don’t know, maybe just fucking tell him how you feel?” Isabel exclaims.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Isabel counters. “You’re both obviously crazy for each other. Are you that stupid?”

All Levi can do is shrug. While it is true that he is a bit crazy about Erwin, he’s not really sure if he loves him. It’s not like he has anything else to compare to – he’s never been in a relationship or even really liked anyone before, so how should he know whether or not he’s in love with Erwin? They’ve been seeing each other for a while – longer than Levi has ever seen anyone by a longshot – and Levi cares about him just as much as he cares about Isabel and Farlan, but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean that he’s in love.

And what if Erwin doesn’t feel the same way about him? When Levi said that he loved him, Erwin didn’t say anything back. Granted, the entire situation was awkward and weird, but… He didn’t say anything about it then, and he hasn’t said anything about it since.

Isabel sighs, throwing her head down into her hands. “Why are you like this?” she groans, and Levi suddenly feels like a child who’s being lectured by his teacher. She lifts her head. “Do you remember when I was dating Sophie? And for months she was the only thing I talked or thought about. Like, it was so bad that you started spraying me with water every time I even said her name.”

“Yeah?”

“You sit around waiting for him to message, and if he’s not here you mope around the house all day until he asks if he can come over.”

“I don’t mope,” he argues.

…

Okay, maybe he does mope a little.

Isabel flaps her hand in his direction. “Whatever. I’m basically saying that you’re acting exactly like I used to, and it’s so obvious.” She sighs and leans forwards towards him. “Look. It’s okay if you don’t feel ready to tell him. If you’re too scared to acknowledge that you love him, or if you don’t think you do just yet, you don’t have to do anything at all.”

For the first time in a longtime, Levi doesn’t know what to do.

Maybe he is falling in love, but where does he go from there? If Erwin tells him that he loves him, do they start calling each other boyfriends? The idea of calling someone his boyfriend at thirty fucking years old just feels so weird to him – hell, it would’ve felt weird to him as a kid. And if Erwin doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t want to see him anymore, what will he do then? He can’t even begin to imagine his life without Erwin in it anymore.

The idea of losing Erwin makes him feel sick.

Levi groans and throws his head back. “God fucking damn it,” he sighs. He brings his hands up to his face and digs his fingers into his eyelids. “I’m going to have to tell him for real, aren’t I?”

Chuckling, Isabel leans over to pat Levi’s knee. “Good luck.”

He doesn’t have anything close to a coherent plan in mind, but Levi invites Erwin over on the following Saturday.

He arrives at Levi’s house at noon with a paper bag full of different kinds of doughnuts and a cappuccino for Levi, who drinks it so fast that it burns his throat on the way down. The caffeine calms him down a little bit, but his hands are still shaking as Erwin says hello to Croissant, shouts his greeting to Isabel in her room, and throws himself down onto the couch.

He needs to say something.

Despite Levi’s jittery nerves, Erwin seems to be acting exactly the same as he always does. He smiles up at Levi and pats his knees, beckoning him to come and sit down. Levi complies, slowly slinking over to climb into Erwin’s lap. He pulls Levi down, kissing him on the mouth and sliding a hand up the back of his shirt. He idly strokes Levi’s back, fingers skimming over the ridges of his spine and causing Levi to melt even further into Erwin’s embrace.

Levi sighs happily, his hands immediately finding their place in Erwin’s hair and pushing his fingers through to separate the shitty hair-wax that he insists on using.

He really needs to say something. How hard does it have to be to tell someone that you love them, when you’ve already said it before?

But Erwin is warm, despite how cold it is outside, and Levi can feel himself finally calming down for the first time all day. Why does he even have to bring it up? It would be so much easier to just wait until Erwin brings it up himself. Or until he gets sick of him, Levi supposes – which would probably be so much worse, now that he thinks about it.

Winter is finally creeping up, and the more time he spends with Erwin, the more he begins to dread the idea of spending the season alone. He doesn’t peg himself for a particularly traditional person, nor a romantic, but spending the holiday season without him there would just feel wrong. Seeing people in their happy couples never really bothered Levi too much in the past, but there was always the tiniest feeling inside of his chest that felt a little too much like loneliness. Not to mention that they’ve all already gotten so used to Erwin being around, and Levi is in way too deep.

Erwin eases up, nudging his lips against Levi’s gently and slipping his hand down to his ass. He hums contentedly as Erwin’s long fingers dig firmly into his skin, acting as a way to pull him closer. His lips slowly find their way down Levi’s neck, and Erwin gently nudges his Adam’s apple with his tongue, eventually attaching onto his neck and sucking and licking its way down to his collarbone. There’s a sharp curl of pleasure deep within Levi’s core, and he can’t help the startled hiccup that forces its way out of his mouth.

“Fuuuck, alright.” Levi pulls back from Erwin suddenly and scrambles to climb off of his lap.

Erwin’s eyebrows shoot up and he sits up, carefully folding his hands in his lap. “What’s wrong?”

“God, um…” Levi shifts nervously. He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans, sinking his teeth into the inside of his bottom lip. “You know, the other night. When I said… That I. Love you. Or whatever.”

Erwin blinks slowly at him. “I… didn’t think you’d want me to bring it up.”

“Yeah, well…” Levi digs his fingernails into his thigh and looks away. “I guess I’m bringing it up.”

“Okay,” Erwin says slowly. “You’re going to say that you didn’t mean it, right? Like, you just said it in the moment.” He sounds pretty sure of himself, Levi notices. He wonders if Erwin went through it in his head over and over, trying to convince himself that he didn’t mean it – just like Levi did.

Levi shrugs. “I did say it in the moment,” he confirms. He hazards a glance at Erwin for a second, and looks into his eyes, and sees just how startled he seems. There really isn’t any way he can’t tell him now, and the worst Erwin can do is reject him. It will only mean years of crippling embarrassment and loneliness for Levi, but he’s sure he’s been through worse in his life.

He takes a deep breath and turns around so that he isn’t facing Erwin anymore. Here goes. “The thing is,” he starts, slowly, “I think I do. Love you.”

There it is.

He did it, he did it, he did it.

Levi lets go of the huge sigh that’s been weighing him down all day. He’s still absolutely shitting himself, but it feels great to finally get it off of his chest. He has never laid his heart out to anyone like this before. He takes a couple of moments to breathe and slowly turns around to look at Erwin again. And… Erwin just staring at him with his mouth open was not exactly the reaction he thought he would get.

“I was–” Erwin’s voice cracks, and he clears his throat “…not expecting that.”

Levi is suddenly hit by a rush of oh fuck, oh God, oh no, and slowly pulls further back. He’s not sure exactly what he was expecting himself – total and complete rejection, maybe, but not… awkward, stunned silence. He can’t even run away, because it’s his house. Fuck, he knew he should’ve done it at Erwin’s place.

Still, he considers bolting anyway because he doesn’t think there is anything he has ever hated more than telling someone that he loves them for the first time and just getting stared at.

He’s just about to stand up and make his escape, but Erwin leans forwards and places a hand gently onto his thigh. “Tell me again.”

Levi clears his throat, and suddenly he’s completely nervous all over again. “I think I’m in love with you,” he mumbles. For good measure, he tentatively adds, “Erwin.”

Erwin suddenly leans in closer, pressing a hard kiss onto Levi’s mouth and sliding a hand up into his hair. He wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and pulls him in closer until their chests are pressed up against each other. He pulls back slowly, and he’s smiling, and he says, “I think I’m in love with you, too,” and Levi feels the weight lift off of his shoulders.

“You kept me waiting a little too long for that, y’know?” Levi says, leaning back. “I thought you were about to get up and leave.”

“I’m sorry.” Erwin chuckles, and kisses him again. “I would never do that to you, I promise.”

“That’s okay,” Levi says, just about melting. He pulls Erwin on top of him and kisses the hell out of him.

In all of the years that Levi has known Isabel, there has never been anything that has stopped her from going all out for Christmas, and this year is no different. She buys her presents months in advance, and absolutely insists on decorating immediately after Halloween.

Levi hates it. He hates Christmas, and he hates decorating, but it’s not like he could stop her. That would just be wrong.

Most of all, he hates the Christmas tree. He hates how the plastic leaves scratch his hands, and how difficult it is to screw it into the shitty metal stand, and he can’t stand the fact that Isabel and Farlan seemingly have no eye for decoration. They just throw ornaments and tinsel of all colours onto the tree and call it a day. It’s genuinely painful, and Isabel is lucky that he loves her so much. And if he subtly fixes her decoration monstrosities every now and then, no one has to know.

Levi watches in horror as Isabel haphazardly throws green tinsel onto the tree, completely covering up at least five of the baubles Levi had hung himself. She smirks sideways at Levi, and he concludes that there’s no way she isn’t doing it on purpose.

Beside him, Erwin chuckles quietly to himself and leans over to wrap an arm around Levi’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re just letting her do this,” he notes. “You must be more whipped than I thought.”

“He is!” Farlan says happily, tossing another string of tinsel at the tree. It lands almost directly on top of another string, and they just leave it there. Because they’re monsters.

Levi grumbles, crossing his arms. “She does it on purpose because she knows I can’t say anything about it,” he explains. He has to try extra hard not to cringe in disgust. “Christmas is the only time of the year where I’m not allowed to complain.”

Humming in what Levi chooses to believe to be a sympathetic manner, Erwin pulls on Levi’s shoulders until his head is resting in his lap. He takes the opportunity to curl up and shield his eyes from the horror unfolding in front of him, and pretty much melts into the couch as Erwin runs his fingers through his hair.

“And there’s still two months of Christmas left!” Isabel exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Yay,” Levi responds, completely unenthusiastically.

As November rolls on into December, Erwin and Farlan start to spend nearly every day at the house. It starts with Farlan, who usually spends most of the holidays with them every year, and Levi supposes that Erwin just follows his lead. It makes sense, he supposes, since Erwin doesn’t really have family to spend time with during the holidays either.

He wouldn’t admit it, but Levi is the happiest that he’s ever felt now that Erwin is around every day. They slowly fall into new routines, and it definitely helps that Erwin has plenty of time to bake holiday-themed treats. Whilst they both have time off of work, it’s easy to slip into a comfortable state of sitting down in front of the TV, cooking, “family bonding night” with Isabel and Farlan, and making out all week.

Levi can’t remember ever being excited for Christmas, but he bought Erwin an expensive Damascus-patterned Santoku knife, and there are some nights where he genuinely can’t get to sleep from how excited he is to see the look on his face when he gives it to him – and sometimes, from how nervous he is at the thought that Erwinn won’t even like it.

On Christmas Eve, he waits no later than 12:03am to sit Erwin down in front of the fireplace and give him the meticulously wrapped giftbox that has been giving him so much anxiety lately. He watches with a full heart as Erwin takes his time to unwrap it, being extra careful not to tear the wrapping paper or crease the nice ribbon that Levi used. He takes the lid off of the fancy wooden box that the knife resides inside, taking his sweet time as though he knows exactly how much the anticipation is killing Levi.

“Oh wow,” is all Erwin says once he sets the lid down. He gently picks up the knife and turns it around in his hands, not even attempting to stifle the huge grin that crosses his face. “This is lovely, Levi. I’m almost a bit scared to use it, it’s so nice.”

Levi just shrugs. “It can just be for decoration.”

Erwin gently puts the knife away and leans forwards to land a hard kiss on Levi’s mouth, “Thank you so much. I love it.” He adds, “I love you,” and Levi can’t help but push him down onto the floor and crawl on top of him. The world outside is slowly filling up with white snow and holiday chill, and the crackling fireplace isn’t the only thing keeping them so warm on their first of many Christmases together.

#Eruri #Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #Erwin Smith #Levi Ackerman #Eruri fic #Eruri fanfiction #Writing Tag

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magic-belodie · 4 years ago

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I finished Nathaniel’s route of MCLLL episode10. It cost me 1096 AP I got the illustration with Eric. Here is the summary:

(I have chosen different outcomes each time I play. So in the summaries there are more things different than the part with your lover.)

You start this episode in the snake-bar. You come there to have a fine evening with Rosa and Alexy. Rosa comes inside. You and Rosa ask the bar tender where Alexy is. It seems that he quits his job four days ago. Then Alexy comes inside. He tells you he got a new job. Alexy’s new job is head of surveys at the AMG-BBPC agency. His job is actually to suggest paths for improving the product that take into account the expectations I identified via the survey. Alexy got this job with meeting other people with Grindr. He is meeting a lot of people with it. So Rosa ask if he is missing Morgan. Alexy says no. They just didn’t want the same thing out of life. Then Alexy ask how Rosa and you are doing. It is going good with Rosa. She is having few regular customers. And with Thia and Leigh is everything going well. You tell Rosa and Alexy who well it is going with the café. And then you tell them how it is going with Nath. He is still busy on the same undercover case. Alexy ask if you are not worrying about Nath. You say that you try not to think about it and that it is reassuring that Eric is always close to Nath. And that goes really well. But you are afraid that he doesn’t have any time for you anymore. Then Alexy get some drinks and gives his number to a guy he just met at the bar. Then you asked them if they heard about Priya’s new case. They read about in the paper. They think it will be a difficult case. I choose in the last episode to testify. Rosa thinks that as long as you stick to the truth, nothing will go wrong and Priya will handle it. Then you take another round and go home. The next day starts. You are at the café. You get a message from Rayan. He asks you to come see him. You go directly to him.

At Rayan’s house. When you see him, he looks terrible. Rayan ask if you heard what happened. You tell him that Priya told you before it was in the news. You can choose if you want to tell Rayan about the testifying. I choose not to. Rayan finds it a bit strange that you already know about it because of the secrecy that is bound to this case. Than he tells you that he gets a lot of mails with threats and the other university who wanted him has turned him down because of this. He asks you to testify with what happened with Marina. You say that he first needs to tell what happened in his office. He tells that he called her there to avoid turning her down in a crowd. He explained the situation to her, and then she seems flattered and left without a word. And since then he hasn’t seen her. I say then yes to testify on what I have seen with Marina in episode 8. Rayan thinks that Renate is behind this. He wants to talk with Marina. He asks if you can talk to Marina to get her to the café. I said yes. So I go to find Marina. Rayan thinks she will be at the library.

You go to the university. In front of it, there is a big crowd protesting. The Directer tries them to calm down. You walk to him, ask what he thinks of all this. He thinks that Rayan sometime is very close with his students. And they had no choice, to suspend him until the court settle this. He goes back to his work. You go to the library.

At the library, you see Marina directly. You ask her to talk with Rayan at the café. She first wants to discuss this with her lawyer. You leave the library.

When you are at out of the library, you call Rayan and told that you didn’t succeed. Then you see Nina. She looks really sad. Raphael turned her down. You go shopping with her to cheer her up. You get to choose your outfit. I got the outfit for Eric’s illustration. Nina goes home a lot happier. You go back to the café.

At the café. You see Dambi, you tell her what happened with Nina. She thinks Nina will be soon over Raphael. Dambi tells that Hyun didn’t bring any cupcakes. You try to call Hyun, but he didn’t answer the phone. The story will speed up to the end of the day, and you go home. When you got home, Nath isn’t there. You be alone for hours and have been worrying sick. You even called Eric. But he didn't answer. Finally, Nath comes inside. You are happy to see him, but also mad that he let you wait so long. You have a little fight about how less you see each other. Nath ask you to go to a restaurant with him the day after tomorrow. You two go to bed. The next day will fly by, and then you are on the day of the date.

You get up and go to the café. Nina seems to be normal again, and you get a call from Dan to meet him. So you go to him. Dan wants you to own more than one gallery. I turned him down. He’s saying that he is disappointed, but that it won’t change the partnership. You go back to the café. When you are at the café, you see Eric and Nathaniel. Nathaniel is there to tell you that he had to go away a few days with the undercover job. So he won't be able to make it to the date and won't see you for a few days. You hug Nath tight and he goes away. The story will speed up to the end of the day. At closing time, you will see Eric. Eric asks for a coffee. While he waits for the coffee, he helps to close the café. Eric says that he can go in Nath’s place to the restaurant. So you two go to the restaurant.

At the restaurant, you tell Eric why you needed the night out with Nath. But now in stead you have a nice evening with a friend. Eric also really tries his best to reassure you. After diner, I choose to let Eric drive me home and got the illustration with him. And then the episode ends.

#MCL #my candy love #love life #mclll #Nathaniel #nath #mcl nathaniel #Mclll Nathaniel #episode 10 #spoilers

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azozzoni · 5 years ago

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lucas vdh x jens bc it's one of my seven (7) new crack ships 😆❤

I swear I will not get sucked into another crack ship. I will already never recover from elippo and lukes got me too now. This is one time, for you, anon.

“Okay, but he’s cute,” Ralph said, shoving his phone under Lucas’ nose, across the tiny cafe table.

Lucas shook his head at the guy on the Grindr profile. He’d tried Grindr. It hadn’t really worked out for him, although it had successfully outed him to Ralph, who at least had the good sense to help him keep the secret. Lucas just wasn’t sure how ready he was to let the whole world know–or specifically Kes and Jayden.

Keeping the secret apparently meant helping Lucas find someone to hook up with, though Lucas was pretty sure none of the guys on Grindr were his style.

“I’m not going to meet up with a guy who has a picture of his dick online,” he said, giving the phone back to Ralph, who rolled his eyes. He stopped, though, squinting at something behind Lucas.

“Don’t look now,” Ralph said, a bright expression taking over his face, “but there’s a cute guy checking you out across the cafe. No dick pics in sight.”

The cafe was full enough that Lucas wasn’t entirely sure who it was as he tried to glance over his shoulder without being obvious. He caught deep brown eyes darting away, back to the two guys he was sitting with.

“It’s perfect,” Ralph said when Lucas turned back. “A cafe meet-cute.”

“I don’t–” Lucas said, hesitating, feeling suddenly nervous. For all the guys he’d talked to on Grindr, he’d never met up with any of them, had never quite worked up the courage to talk to them in real life.

Ralph reached for his arm, reassuring. “You can do this. It’s just talking to a cute guy. That’s all.”

That was all, Lucas thought sarcastically. It sounded so simple when Ralph said it. But Ralph wasn’t afraid to go up to anyone, to tell them they were cute and ask if they wanted to get a drink.

“Is he still looking?” Lucas asked after a second and Ralph grinned as he nodded. “I don’t know how to do this.”

Taking his hand back, Ralph seemed to laugh, as though Lucas was so hopeless. And maybe he was. Maybe there was no way Lucas should be trying to talk to guys. Why did everything have to be so hard?

“It’s easy. You wait until he’s watching, then you get up and go to the counter. Pretend you’re thinking what to get. If he’s interested, he’ll come to you.”

It sounded simple, too simple, but who was Lucas to question Ralph’s logic? Ralph had been doing this a lot longer than he had.

“Go now,” Ralph whispered a second later, furtive, and Lucas was out of his chair before he could even rethink this stupid plan or why he was going along with it.

At the counter, Lucas stood back, staring hard at the menu scrawled along the back wall. He knew everything on it, had come here a million times. Shoving his hands in his coat pockets, he didn’t dare look back at the table with the three guys.

Ralph’s plan was ridiculous, he found himself thinking as he stood there, frowning at the list of coffees. What was he even doing? He wasn’t supposed to do things like this.

“Any recommendations?”

A voice in his ear made Lucas jump, and it took a second for his brain to process the words, a different accent than he was used to. Flemish, his brain came up with. Belgian.

Up close, the guy had razor sharp cheekbones, soft, wavy hair, and he stood a few inches taller than Lucas.

“Everything’s good here,” he said finally, stopping his eyes from traveling down the guy’s chest. Ralph hadn’t told him what to do once the guy had come over. Flirt! his brain said as Lucas chewed on his bottom lip, fingers closing over the joint he kept in his pocket, turning it over nervously.

“I bet it is,” the guy said, and Lucas had to glance over, had to smile at the way the guy was watching him, as if waiting for him to react to that.

“You’re not from here,” Lucas said finally, and the guy shrugged.

“My friends wanted to go somewhere for the weekend and we’re pretty broke, so Utrecht it is.”

Lucas glanced over his shoulder, but the two guys still at the table didn’t seem to be paying them any attention, fingers entwined and grinning into kisses between murmured words.

“Yeah, they’re sickening,” the guy said when Lucas looked back to him, but he was smiling, amused.

“Then why’d you tag along?” Lucas asked. He knew exactly what being the third wheel was like and how much it sucked.

The guy sighed. “On a quest for good weed?” He met Lucas’ eyes, something suggestive there. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get some?”

Lucas’ fingers closed around the joint in his pocket. He could practically hear Ralph yelling in his head–“It’s a line, Luc! Say yes and invite him somewhere quiet!”

Taking a breath, Lucas reminded himself that he could do this. Just talking to a cute guy, feeling the weird butterflies when the guy smiled at him.

“I might be willing to share,” he said at length, pulling the joint out of his pocket. “If you’re interested.”

The guy’s smile widened and he nodded. “Now?”

“What about your friends?” Lucas asked, though he didn’t care about them. The guy checked over his shoulder at the boys wrapped up in each other, exchanging soft kisses that made Lucas’ heart ache just a little and he had to look away.

“I don’t think they’ll miss me,” the guy said after a second. “I’m Jens, by the way.”

“Lucas,” he said, nervous as he turned toward the front door, and he ignored the way Ralph shot him an excited look as they passed by.

The park was only a few blocks down, under pools of yellow street lamps, the gate long-broken as Lucas slipped inside and Jens followed.

Perching on the back of an old bench, Lucas lit the joint, passing it over to Jens.

“So who was your friend?” Jens asked when Lucas wished he was better at this. “The bleached blond?”

“That’s just Ralph,” Lucas replied, dragging his finger through a string of dew on the bench. “He’s my friend’s roommate.”

He’s the only one who knows, he wanted to say, but didn’t.

Jens smiled to himself, as though it was some inside joke. “It seems bleach-blond is the thing these days.”

“I don’t think it’d work on me,” Lucas admitted, taking a long drag, smoke settling in his lungs and he exhaled slowly.

“I think you look good like this,” Jens said, and Lucas glanced over at him, the way Jens bit his lip as he grinned, like he knew exactly what he was doing.

Lucas was the one who didn’t know what he was doing. It had always been easy with girls, with no real stakes, no real danger of feeling anything when they kissed, no underlying fear that it was going to mean something else.

Jens’ knee pressed to Lucas’ as they sat on the bench, not insistent, almost accidentally. It should have made Lucas nervous, and it did, but it also felt totally normal, as if he didn’t need to overthink it.

“I like the earring,” he said as Jens took back the joint, fingers brushing against his. “It’s very…”

“Sexy?” Jens asked with a winning smile that Lucas laughed at.

“Maybe,” he said, shaking his head. It wasn’t as hard as he’d thought, sitting here with Jens, no weird pressure to do anything other than talk. Maybe Ralph had been right. Just talking to a cute guy.

The joint was burning down in his fingers and Lucas took another drag, blowing the smoke into the chill night air. His cheeks were red from the cold, but he didn’t suggest going somewhere else, somewhere inside.

“You don’t have any,” Jens said, looking him over, and Lucas shook his head.

“My mom would freak out,” he said, “and I just never wanted to.”

The pressure from Jens’ knee increased as he shifted on the bench, taking what was left of the joint from Lucas. They were closer than before, Jens’ jacket brushing against his, and Lucas didn’t say anything for a moment as they sat there.

If Jens was a girl, Lucas probably would have kissed him by now, would not have cared at all that their knees were touching, that he could feel the warmth of Jens’ body against his, hear his sigh as he exhaled the smoke.

“How long are you in town?” he asked, watching Jens scan the dark park. He glanced at Lucas finally.

“We go back tomorrow,” he said, offering Lucas the last bit of the joint, but Lucas shook his head. Jens dropped it on the ground instead where it sizzled out on the dew-covered pavement. “Anything I should do before we go?”

This was his opening, Lucas thought as he glanced at Jens, and he smiled despite the way his stomach turned over nervously. He should just do it, fuck all the reasons why not. He probably wouldn’t see Jens again and what exactly did he have to lose?

“I can think of one thing,” he said, a lot more confidently than he felt as he leaned in, keeping an eye on Jens in case he moved away, but he didn’t, mouth curling in a smile a second before their lips met.

It was different than kissing girls, not the actual mechanics, but no other girl had made him feel quite like this, like this was how it was supposed to be. It wasn’t even anything spectacular, Jens opening his mouth slightly, soft, full lips against his, tasting of weed and coffee. Jens’ fingers were warm as they came up to Lucas’ neck, not like Lucas’ freezing cold digits that he kept stuffed in his pockets.

Lucas was pretty sure he could go on kissing Jens as long as they let him, exploring each other’s mouths in a slow, lazy kind of way that didn’t seem to be going anywhere else.

The ping of a phone pierced the quiet around them, and Lucas swallowed as Jens pulled back, digging his phone from his pocket.

“It’s the guys,” he said, reading a message on the screen. “They’re wondering where I am.” He looked back to Lucas, smiling slightly as he let his other hand fall from his neck. “I should probably get back and make sure they haven’t done anything stupid.”

Lucas nodded without a word, sliding off the bench. He didn’t need to think too hard about this, about his first real kiss with a guy. It wasn’t that big of a deal, he told himself, waiting for Jens to join him.

“You on Instagram?” Jens asked as they headed back toward the cafe, and Lucas looked up.

“Of course.”

“Maybe I’ll find you, if that’s okay.”

He couldn’t help smiling as they reached the door. Through the window, Lucas saw that Ralph was long gone, their table occupied by someone else.

“It’s okay.”

Jens nodded, reaching for the door. Lucas didn’t stop him from leaving, stepping into the warmth of the cafe and leaving him outside in the cold. For a moment, he just watched Jens approach his friends, who seemed to reprimand him for disappearing.

Turning from the cafe, Lucas let out a breath, heading down the street instead. He didn’t stop his smile, though, as he pulled out his phone and texted a thumbs up emoji to Ralph before tucking it away. Maybe it wasn’t so hard. Maybe he could do this.

It was that thought that kept him smiling all the way home, only stopping once to check a notification from Instagram. He had one new follower.

#skam nl #wtfock #skamnl #crossover #my fic #lucas van der heijden #jens #wtfock fic #skam nl fic #van der stoffels #vds

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superbatson · 5 years ago

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hey,, word on the street is,, u make a pretty decent headcanons list. I will take one order of leif pining over tobin or domestic coder boyfriends. pls n thank u. 🥰

you got it!

okay so, going off that suggested idea of tobin getting a boyfriend and leif growing jealous...

leif has no idea why he’s suddenly become so anti-productive. he tries to get himself focused on his work - the chirp is launching in a few months, anyway, so he’s on the clock - but he just can’t. he’s constantly finding himself distracted, looking towards tobin’s desk, where he too is getting little work done, his own attention turned onto his phone. he’s messaging back and forth with his boyfriend, the word somehow making leif sick to his stomach, and he keeps giggling like the guy’s the funniest person ever. leif used to be able to make tobin laugh like that. he doesn’t know what’s changed.

like seemingly everyone else in zoey’s life, leif refuses to acknowledge his feelings for tobin and growing jealousy over his newfound relationship. so, naturally, this pulls a heartsong from him, which zoey hears loud and clear one day while at work, enough that it pulls her own focus towards leif, watching as, in her head, he pulls himself out of the meeting room he’d been working in, hovering around tobin’s desk whilst singing “sweater weather” by the neighbourhood. it frustrates zoey, because getting involved in her boss’ personal life was bad enough, but now she has to help her enemy? the guy who is literally out for her own job, and joan’s? but, she knows the consequences of refusing to help, and “sweater weather” had already gotten old to her back in 2014, so she does not need to hear it more than once.

leif denies it, of course. both his feelings for tobin and his attraction to men as a whole, because he probably thinks it’d look bad for the future owner of a tech company to be openly bisexual. zoey really has no patience for biphobia in this day and age, so she kind of snaps and comes clean to leif about her powers and how if she doesn’t help him, she’ll continue hearing “sweater weather” for days, and apparently that gets leif to believe her, because he’d actually been listening to the song on his way to work and singing along with thoughts of tobin in his head. before they set any plans in motion, though, she admits to hearing tobin sing “don’t speak” directed at leif weeks earlier, and that gives leif a semblance of hope.

whatever shenanigans leif and zoey pull to get tobin to make the first move - secret admirer letters, fake grindr accounts, anonymous flower bouquets (that one blows up spectacularly, because zoey had ordered them, but she didn’t know tobin had an allergy to sunflowers, so leif was left trying to help him when he fell ill) - don’t work. it grows to the point that even max grows suspicious of all this time the pair spends together, and zoey has to fill him in on everything. following the flower incident, leif fires zoey as his helper, claiming to give up on the whole thing as it is.

in the end, when tobin returns to their apartment (because the flower thing probably gets to the point of tobin needing medical attention, if leif didn’t already hate zoey enough; and yes, they are roommates, you can pry that headcanon out of my dead hands), it comes out that he and his boyfriend had broken up anyway. turns out, their jobs made it impossible for them to get together in person after their first few dates, and the texting thing just wasn’t working anymore. leif offers tobin a shoulder to cry on, but tobin says he doesn’t need it, because he wasn’t into the guy that much anyway. he makes an offhand comment about having several other suitors already, and leif confesses that it was all him, that he got jealous and he’s in love with his best friend. tobin laughs, shaking his head, saying, “why didn’t you just say so?” before pulling leif close and kissing him on the lips. he probably still has some band-aids or hospital tags on, and maybe some allergy drugs still in his system, so it’s kinda messy and awkward, but they share in the laughter now, happy to finally be where they should have all along.

wow, okay, this turned into a long ass not!fic because the concept clearly got away from me. zep writers, hire me, i already have an entire episode written out for ya, lol

also you probably already know “sweater weather”, but the hyperlink is actually to a cover of it from michael thomas grant himself on youtube. not that i chose the song solely because he’s already covered it, but that definitely did help its chances of me ultimately going with it. (i sat here for like 15 minutes, trying to find a good pining song for leif. the existing cover thing gave the song a slight edge over the others.)

#zoey's extraordinary playlist #leif x tobin #coder boyfriends #headcanons

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cosmicclownboy · 4 years ago

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"Not that I don't mind our little bonding one to ones but may I ask why we are doing this again?" "So you know that my toxic masculinity bro days are over. Me and Rosa did a quiz today and turns out blue is my spirit colour so let's get to it, Manes".

Excitedly clapping and inspecting the bottle with his fingers Kyle looks at peace so who is Alex to object to it. He can't say teen Alex expected this friendship to flourish again let alone be sitting in Kyle's apartment with a bottle of red painting Kyle's nails with a shade called Sultry Sapphire. But Alex knows more than anyone that adaptability is a huge part of life. Change is inevitable. And this is a change that he's glad for. It doesn't feel weird or out of place. It feels almost like he's slowly refinding everything he once lost. Jenga tournaments as kids turned into drinking games and poker and fishing turned into going to the same gym. Eventually, Isobel fishes out which gym and excitedly exclaims gym buddies. It's actually really fun even if he has to witness his training on her Instagram feed. Being in an alien exist clubhouse is difficult him and Kyle have pretty heavy-duty careers and having the most practical sense vs the people in said group who would prod a bear simply to see how it would react well their friendship blossomed. Finishing the last touches he goes for the wine in a latte mug.

"Right this will dry in a couple of minutes. Then it's my turn, Manes. I hope you're ready for iridescent fantasy 69". He almost groans at the choice in colour with swirls of blues, pinks and purples Alex is immediately taken to the pieces in Michael's bunker all shiny and beautiful. Judging by the smirk he gets the Ortecho Valenti sibling team-up happened behind the scenes. "Seriously where did Rosa get these from? there are two women on the front having sex" "Someone she met in rehab - don't ask"

"So....hows things in the dating universe?" "Forest and Liz signed me to Grindr without my permission.....and there's only so many times I can open up a message to see literal junk mail. I also went out on a date with a man who's fetish was sucking toes he seemed unnaturally interested in the prospect of banging a man with only the one foot. Four times. Four times I've been set up with someone with the oddest fetish". This seems to gage a reaction out of Kyle who rolls a little around the floor with a chuckle holding the brush from the nail polish close to his chest trying his best not to sour the rug. "Alex you've spent the last ten years fucking an alien. You have a rain fetish dude and don't even try it Liz told me about your rain scented angst candle sessions" Oh, he is going to have words with Liz. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I got pegged behind a target" Alex groans heavily.

Liz feigns ignorance when Alex corners her in the Crashdown and she, of course, tries to bat her eyelashes at him thinking it'd affect him. He's a man of stone. He will not be immediately forgiving by a kind smile.Nope.Not happening. It at least has to include a free hug and the first round of drinks which occurs a week later dressed in his tightest jeans and Kyle moping because Steph left had him. Liz and Kyle made it to Planet 7 a place Kyle thrives in. "Look it's glitter night Kyle you love glitter night the shots are half off".Liz is doing her best to brighten the mood despite her own romantic failings anytime the name Max is spoken she looks haunted. And hey who is he gonna judge he knows how easy it is to get an alien under your skin he's hitting 12 years in a month and he's wondering what it would be in anniversary terms. Google tells him it's silk he almost laughs at the idea of giving Michael any clothing in that fabric the man was rugged jeans and t-shirts. When his phone is stolen by Liz who pushes a shot in his direction he remembers why he's here. Have fun with his friends. Solidarity in suffering. The drinks flow easily to the booth he's had a pina colada some other fruity drinks and a bunch of shots. At first, he didn't feel anything, not even a buzz but after twenty minutes he feels sluggish and slow. Everything moving at a different rate then it did before. You should call Michael" Liz is shouting it off from the dancefloor of which she's tripped twice on and yet somehow she's beaming. Everything just kind of blurs together after that doesn't even realise he's on his bed until his hands are grasping the pillow. And faintly he feels a kiss on his head.

Drinking is a fun idea until the Hangover hits. He's starting to remember why he doesn't usually drink. His head is just throbbing he's trying his best to turn on soldier mode darting his eyes around trying to survey the room. Okay, the only clothes by the bed are his that's good. That's great one thing he doesn't have to worry about. There are a couple of pills on a plate by a glass of water with the box to show him what it is. And he's pretty sure there's a bin by the bed and end table... Someone took care of him. Who? He takes a very long shower water hits his skin until he feels anew or at least a little more bearable. It's only when he's drying off and hearing a faint hum of music that he remembers. Oh god.

"Guerin, it's me, Alex ... shoul-should of probably said Alex first how can you know it's me it's unspecific. Can you come home now my beds all big and fluffy and I want your fluffy hair in it.I miss your hair it's soft. Can you come save me Kyle keeps waving me over to dance with a drag queen and a stripper and I don't want to- "MIKEY WE'RE AT PLANET 7 COME DANCE WITH US" He really can't catch a break. "You know every minute you stay in there is a minute longer the pancakes get cold. And you should know I make a mean stack of chocolate chip pancakes"

He doesn't know what he's expecting when he first leaves his bedroom. He's nervous. After the song, he promised himself he would not make the first move. If Michael wants him he's going to have to say it in words to his face and communicate it to him. He's tired of metaphors and unspoken words. Trust drunk Alex to immediately ignore what he wants and skip right to the stroking Michael's hair part. Which yes he wants to do all the time. He finds Michael in the kitchen using a metal utensil as a mirror checking his teeth, his hair before straightening his shirt and patting his jeans down. He's nervous too. His heart stutters a little at the thought. Michael places the table settings and looks up with a small smile. "Hi" "Hi" He gestures to the table. "It's not much I had to run to the store you have the cupboard of an 18-year-old student" Even hungover and tired he can't fight the smile on his face. "Between my work hours and alien scooby sleuthing don't always have the time or energy" "I'm sor "If you apologise I will steal all your pancakes, Guerin" Despite his head throbbing and his leg killing him it's probably the best morning he'd had in a long time. A bird is flying past the window. His dog is sleeping soundly in his bed. The smell of flowers from the vase in the middle of the table is melding with the smell of warm chocolate. And if he dares a glance from his plate he sees the man he loves chewing on pancakes slowly with a small smile on his face. It's peaceful like something out of a movie.

"I don't know if you remember the voicemail you gave me you were pretty wasted. I gave all of you guys a ride home. Valenti threw up on my sneakers I uh was glad I wasn't wearing my good boots" Michael looks the most vulnerable he's seen him in years moving his fork around the pancake in front of him. He drops his fork and squeakily moves his chair closer and reaches for both his hands. "I'm so sorry for everything. This past year especially" Michael is trying his best to hold back his tears sniffing trying to get whatever words he wants to get out - out. "You know I've uh been seeing a therapist the last couple of months and she's great you know she calls me out on my victim complex crap and gives me all kinds of homework that sometimes bugs me but it's been helping. She asked me to write a list of things I wanted and at first, I couldn't do it for weeks I just stared at the page and couldn't I didn't think I deserved to write one. Eventually, I did. Can I read it to you?"

He squeezes his hands briefly before bringing his hands to his cheeks softly stroking in encouragement.

"Number 1, Don't be angry anymore it doesn't make you happy it hurts you and it's hurt the people that you love. Number 2, Spend more time with Max and Isobel as a family. Number 3, Remember you are loved and wanted by Isobel, Max, Sanders and Alex make sure to let them know that they are your family. Number 4, tell Alex that you stole his guitar on purpose that day you heard him play at work once and you just wanted to know him. Number 5, tell Alex that stealing his guitar and falling in love with him was the best thing that ever happened to me. You can read the rest if you want" The list is the closest thing to a love letter he's ever gotten off of Michael and everything he reads is everything he wants for Michael. He wants Michael to be happy to love himself to know he's wanted and love. Even seeing minor things like I want to hold Alex's hand makes him emotional. He wants all those things too. He wants a life with Michael. He wants Michael. And everything he reads and hears as Michael reads out the lines without the paper has his heart racing.

There no longer are metaphors in the air it's words pure and simple.

He supposes he should kiss Michael but he chooses a different kind of embrace one he wanted to do for a while he wraps Michael in a hug it's warm and tight he hopes he knows in this hug how much he loves him. And if he doesn't know he can say he'll say it every day until Michael understands it. "Want to watch a bad movie on the couch and cuddle?" Michael's grip on his shirt lessons and a muffled chuckle and a nod is conveyed against his chest. Armed with coffee and a bag of chips they make their way on the sofa. The question of big spoon is gone straight away when Michael makes grabby motions with his hands. His head is pressed into his chest and Alex feels at home and at peace. They flick through the channels. "Have you seen this one?" "Have I seen a film about a flesh-eating octopus fighting a giant shark? no, can't say I have". The movie is terrible as expected laughably so but the thing that makes it one of his favourites is Michael's anger towards the films plot. "So the giant shark was actually a robot designed by a bored rich kid who wanted to prod fish which caused the flesh-eating octopus to become feral and murder a bunch of people? They didn't explain anything about the flesh-eating octopus the whole plot doesn't make any sense" Rubbing his stomach in low circles and dotting a kiss to his collarbone he smirks at Michael's investment. "And another thing -mmph" He leans back. Michael's eyes are closed his lips are puckered he pouts when he realises he hasn't come back up to kiss him "You were saying?" "I'm shutting up now....hey come back up here and kiss me"

#malex #listen its kylizex friendship hours #malexfic

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evan-buckley-diaz · 5 years ago

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Under Pressure - Eddie/Buck

Life takes an interesting turn when Buck’s latest hook up turns out to be his new coworker as well. words: 2668 warnings: angst, fluff, sexual content

Buck parked his car in the parking lot and grabbed his bag from the trunk before grinning as he pulled up the results of his newest DEXA scan. To say he was happy with the result was an understatement. Spotting Hen and Bobby, he held up his phone. ”I got another DEXA scan! Guess who dropped another half precent?” He asked smugly with a grin. ”What?” Hen asked confused as she and Bobby stared at him. ”DEXA scan, it measures your body fat, it measurers every part of your body” Buck explained showing her the phone. ”Oh yeah, they measure the fat in your brain?” Chimney joked as he walked by and gave Buck a grin.

”Ahh, see that would be funny but we’re about a week away for the submission for the hot, nice, smoldering men of the LAFD wall calendar to be here and I’m already at my goal weight so it seems like my head is clearly working perfectly” He grinned. ”Do you really need to use the whole title?” Hen asked and gave him a look. ”You could just say idiotic, sexist calendar that further sements the idea that all firefighters are male” Bobby looked amused between the two. ”Hen, come on, it’s for charity” Bobby said to turn the conversation a bit. ”No, Bobby, you too?!” Hen said defeated. ”Why not? They say a man is at his sexiest when he reaches 50” He said pointedly and put his hands in his pockets. ”Is that what they say? They say that?” ”Okay, you’re both wrong” Chimney interrupted. ”See, I think sorority houses all across this great nations are ready for a new asian sex symbol. It’s our time” He said while nodding and taking a bite of his chocolate bar.

”You know, I think its great, I like that you’re both going for it” Buck said and gave a little smile. ”Ohhhh, cause you don’t think we have a chance?” Bobby asked with a slight smile. ”Whoah, did I say that? No, I mean sure, they are only picking one candidate from each station and” Chimney put his hand up and interrupted. ”Okay, that is a beautiful man” he said and looked over in the gym area of the station. ”Where is the lie? And I like girls” Hen added as she looked over too. Slowly Buck turned around and spotted who they were talking about. Seeing a familiar bare chest, a concentrated face and two muscular arms, Buck swallowed as his throat and mouth got very dry all of the sudden. He knew that beautiful man. He especially knew that body. He felt his hand tighten around his phone.

”Who is that?” Hen asked. ”That’s Eddie Diaz, new requite. Graduated top of his class just last week, guys over at station six were dying to have him but I convinced him to join us” Bobby explained. Buck turned around and tried to remain calm. He gave a tightlipped smile. Chimney grinned at him. ”Ahh, don’t be jealous Buck” Hen and Bobby chuckled. ”He’s an army medic, he’s got a silver star, it’s not like he’s wet behind the ears. Come on, I’ll introduce you to him” Bobby said and started walking over to where Eddie was. Hen and Chimney followed. Putting his phone away, Buck took a deep breath and gripped his bag as he followed them. ”Eddie Diaz this is Hen. Hen, Eddie” They shook hands. ”This is Chimney and this is Buck” Bobby said as he pointed to each of them. ”Hi, nice to meet you” Chimney said and shook his hand. Buck cleared his throat and glanced up at him and could see Eddie recognize him.

”Its, erm, nice to meet you” Buck said quickly and held out his hand. Eddie took it slowly and gave it a little shake. ”Yeah, you too” The others exchanged a look but got over. ”I’m going to put my stuff away” Buck mumbled and turned around and walked over to his locker. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a breath before opening his locker and took a few things out of his bag before putting it on the shelf. Sighing, he closed the door and turned around, stopping in his tracks as he was face to face with Eddie, Buck stared at him wide eyed before glancing around the room. Bobby and Chimney had left and Hen was grabbing her uniform to go change. ”We should talk, no?” Eddie asked, putting his hands in his pockets. Buck gave a little nod. ”Yeah, sure” He scratched his neck and walked over to a corner of the station where they were slightly hidden and no one was around.

”Soo, your name is not Kyle than” Eddie said with a slight smile. Buck let out a little laugh. ”Emm, no, sorry I just” Buck rambled. ”It’s okay, it’s okay. You wouldn’t be the first to lie about your name on a grindr” Eddie smiled. Buck blushed and leaned against the wall. ”This is weird, like really weird. And awkward” Crossing his arms over his chest, Buck bit his lip. ”I mean what’s the protocol for things like this? When the guy you’ve hooked up with twice turns out to be your new coworker?” Buck asked stressed. ”They don’t even, they don’t know about.. me. and guys” he added and looked way. Eddie kept his hands in his pockets.

”I won’t tell them. It’s not my place. We can just ignore it and get on with our work. Get to know each other as coworkers, be friends” Eddie suggested. Buck sighed and dropped his head. ”Sure” He replied and gave Eddie a small smile before walking away. His mind was racing as he headed up the stairs to get himself a cup of coffee. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to forget it all and move on. Looking up as the bell went off, he took a quick sip of his coffee before putting the cup down, feeling slightly guilty over the joy of being distracted by a call so he could focus on other things.

—

As soon as their shift was over, Buck had rushed out of the firehouse and hopped in his jeep and taken off. He’d managed to avoid Eddie for most of the day and remain professional as they had ended up with a lot of calls. Driving home, Buck was glad he had a day off tomorrow and had extra time to try and get his head together and most importantly stay away from Eddie. It was just his luck. He was finally coming around to openly dating guys, and dating guys whilst being honest about what he wanted. Buck turned up the radio to drown out his thoughts.

Walking into his apartment, he threw his keys onto the table and dropped his bag on the floor before heading into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge and took a huge swig before leaning on the counter. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out and bit his lip when he saw it was a message from Eddie. Putting his phone down on the counter, Buck finished his beer in three more large swigs before grabbing another and heading to the bedroom to grab a change of clothes so he could shower. Staring at the bed, he gripped the beer bottle tighter as images of him and Eddie flashed through his mind. Images of what they had done on the bed. Walking over slowly he sat down on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes.

”Good boy, look so pretty on your knees for me” Eddie praised as he ran his fingers through Buck’s hair. Buck moaned and pushed into the hand that was petting him. ”You ready for your reward, Kyle?” Eddie asked as he slowly started opening his belt and his jeans. Buck nodded. ”Yes, Sir” he stated excited and licked his lips. Eddie smirked as he pulled his hard cock out from his jeans and boxers, stroking it slowly. Buck put his hands on Eddie’s thighs and whimpered, looking between the cock and Eddie’s face. Eddie gathered some precum on his finger before rubbing it over Buck’s lips. Buck quickly opened his mouth and sucked the finger in and closed his eyes as he tasted Eddie. ”Go on” Eddie said as he pulled his finger out. Moaning, Buck grabbed Eddie and started licking and sucking on the head.

Buck groaned and fell back on the bed as he put a hand over his eyes. How was he supposed to work along side the super sexy dom he’d been texting and hooked up with and not get distracted and not want him every second of the day. He actually really liked him and had planned on telling him who he really was. Getting off the bed, Buck chugged his beer put the empty bottles in the sink, grabbed his phone and texted Eddie. ”You free to talk? I don’t know what to think or do here. I’m freaking out” He quickly typed and sent it before he changed his mind. Pacing back and forth, he bit on his nails as he waited for some sort of response. ”I’ll be there in 20. Ok?” Eddie’s text read. Buck stared at the message before just texting ”yeah” back. Locking his phone, he threw it back on the counter.

What seemed like hours later, Buck heard a knock on the door, he stopped pacing back and forth for a while so he could open the door before he went back to walking the same route he had earlier. ”I’m freaking out, I don’t know what to do here. I mean what do we do? Do we stop, do we keep going? Are we casual? Together? Dating?” Buck rambled as he walked back and forth. Eddie sighed and closed the door behind him and hung his jacket up before standing in front of Buck and put his hands on his shoulders. ”Why don’t we sit down?” He suggested and nodded towards the couch. Buck nodded and sat down.

”I need another beer, do you want a beer?” Buck asked quickly and went to stand up. ”No thank you, and if we’re really going to talk I’d prefer if you didn’t either please” Eddie said as he sat down next to him. Buck cleared his throat. ”Sure” He sat back down again. ”Buck, I know the situation right now isn’t exactly ideal, planned or normal. We haven’t really talked about jobs and our lives regarding all of this” Eddie started. ”Maybe we would have down the line and maybe we wouldn’t have but we are here in this situation now and we have some decisions to make” he continued. Buck glanced at him.

”I was going to tell you, you know. About my name being Buck, well Evan but nobody really calls me that unless their like mad at me or something” Buck told him before scratching his neck. Eddie smiled. ”Yeah? I’m glad” He replied. ”I know we never discussed what we are doing or what we want the result of this to be but I think we have to now” Buck sighed. ”It was fine when I didn’t really see as anything but that person, a sex partner or whatever but I don’t know how to separate your roles now. Does that make sense?” Buck asked cautiously. ”It does. It was a big shock seeing you at the station this morning” Eddie smiled. ”Yeah it was, I thought I was going to have a heart attack a few seconds there” Buck chuckled. ”And for another half second I considered the possibility that it was all a weird sex dream and we were going to do it in the station or something” Buck leaned back against the couch. ”But this isn’t some weird long realistic dream is it?” he asked and looked at Eddie.

Eddie shook his head and smiled. ”No, it’s not, Buck” Eddie sat up a bit but kept looking at Buck. ”I need to know how you’re feeling. I mean we have plans to meet up this weekend originally. I totally understand if you want to cancel, we don’t have to ever talk about what’s happened in the past ever again and just move forwards as if we just met each other today” Eddie said. Buck bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. ”You need to talk to me, Buck. What to you want?” Eddie asked. Buck took a deep breath before turning his head and looking at him. ”I don’t want to cancel” he whispered and focused his gaze on his own knee as it was too nerve-racking to keep looking at Eddie. ”I don’t want to cancel either but” Buck turned to look at him. ”If we are going to move forwards with this and work together there are things you need to know about me that might change your mind that we should talk about first” Buck frowned.

”What things?” He asked and looked at him curious. Eddie looked at him back. ”I have a son. He’s seven. His mother and I share custody” Buck opened and closed his mouth a few times. ”What’s his name?” Buck asked with a little smile after a few seconds. Eddie smiled back and grabbed his phone. ”Christopher” He said proudly and showed him a picture.

—

Buck wiped his mouth with a napkin before groaning as he fell back against the seat of the couch and rubbed his stomach. ”I’m so full” He complained. Eddie chuckled. ”Next time maybe skip a slice?” he suggested. ”No, its worth it, it was so good” Buck closed his eyes and hummed. Eddie wiped his hands on a napkin. ”I should go” he said and stood up. ”Wait what?” Buck asked confused and looked up at him confused. ”Why?” he asked and stood up too. ”Because you are being very inviting right now but I need you to be sure about your decision and feelings about us taking this forward, so I’m going to leave before I resist you anymore and end up doing something we might regret” Eddie explained. Buck blushed and followed him as he walked to the hallway.

”I won’t regret anything” he said and grabbed Eddie’s arm. Eddie smiled and put his hands on either side of Buck’s face. ”I don’t think I would either but just to be safe I’m going to go. We can text and call and we’ll see each other at work in two days” Eddie gave Buck a smile. ”Deal?” Buck nodded and smiled back. ”Deal” he replied. ”Can I have a good bye kiss at least?” he asked as he looked at Eddie. Eddie chuckled before nodding. ”Since you asked so nicely” Buck grinned and grabbed onto Eddie’s shirt as he leaned in. Closing his eyes, he moaned quietly and felt a rush through his body as Eddie tightened his grip on him. Leaning close, Buck whimpered as Eddie broke the kiss. ”I gotta go” Eddie whispered. ”No, stay” Buck whimpered again and pulled on his shirt, trying to pull him close again.

”None of that, baby. Be a good boy now, I’ll text you when I get home safe and we’ll talk later okay?” Eddie said as he grabbed Buck’s hand and loosened them from his shirt. Buck nodded as he sighed. ”Yes, Sir” he whispered and wrapped his arms around himself. Eddie smiled. ”Good bye, Buck, I’ll see you later” He said and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ”Bye, Eddie” Buck said and watched him open the door and walk out. He kept watching him leave till he was in the lift and was out of sight. Buck closed the door and locked it. Resting his forehead against the door, he shook his head and tried to not smile too much. He was totally fucked and he didn’t really mind.

Chapter two

#Buddie #eddie diaz #buck buckley #buck x eddie #911 on fox #under pressure #masterlist

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unending-happiness · 5 years ago

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Hi, I've got a question out of nowhere! I was looking to re-read a story And When You Soar that was on my AO3 bookmark list and it's apparently not there anymore! I think it was your story? Can I ask what happened to it? If it's indeed the story I remember, I loved it!

Hi! Oh wow. It’s definitely my story! I’m smiling so big because you want to reread it. So…..as for what happened to it, I got a little overwhelmed with all my responsibilities in real life and how little time I had for writing. All my wips just felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders, because no matter how much I wanted to finish them I just didn’t think I’d ever have time. And I also felt so guilty about leaving them for so long without updates and letting readers down. So, I deleted all my wips from AO3 and vowed to only post them again when they were complete on my end (except for editing) and I could update them on a regular schedule. And When You Soar was supposed to be a relatively quick story, but then, as stories do, it took on a life of it’s own and there ended up being way more to it than I originally thought, so it got pulled too.

I’m actually in the middle of writing a long one-shot right now that’s fairly close to being sent to my beta. I don’t know what’s wrong with my writing brain right now, but I get huge bursts of inspiration for something new, then it fades, and rinse and repeat. Super unhelpful.

Now, the good news is, I’ve found myself at the very beginning of a period of being off work and quarantined at home because of this delightful pandemic we’re all experiencing, so I’m going to attack my wips with intensity and AWYS has a very good chance of getting finished soon and back up on ao3. Honestly, thank you so much for this ask because I wasn’t sure what wip from my list to work on after the one I’m finishing now, and you’ve made the decision easy for me. Thank you so much, lovely human! To hold you over until I post it again………

And When You Soar-Chapter 1

Alec ducked his head and stepped through the door and into the plane. He stopped when the elderly woman in front of him came to a standstill and looked around, transferring his suitcase to his other hand. He acknowledged the flight attendant standing to his left with his usual tight smile.

“Welcome aboard,” she greeted him, flashing him a bigger smile of her own.

“Thanks,” Alec answered her before his attention shifted to the open door just past her. A tall pilot standing just inside the flight cabin nodded at him and then turned his attention to who Alec assumed was his co-pilot. Always curious, Alec leaned to the side to see more of the other pilot, but his view into the small space was almost completely obstructed by the large man

“Sir,” the woman said to get his attention again.

He looked over at her and saw that she was motioning for him to move along into the cabin. He realized that the people in front of him had moved forward and he was holding up the line.

“Sorry,” he whispered, as if talking at a normal volume would cause further disturbance.

She just smiled at him sweetly again, and then turned her attention to whoever was behind him. Alec shifted his suitcase so that he could fit down the aisle, and focussed on finding his seat without taking out the tiny woman in front of him. He located his row near the back of the plane and saw that his seatmates hadn’t yet boarded, so he quickly stowed his bag in the overhead compartment and sat down in the aisle seat.

Normally, Alec loved being tall. He never needed a step stool, he had always been chosen first for basketball teams in high-school gym class, and he could see over everyone’s head in a crowd. It also made intimidating people fairly effortless, not that he would ever admit that out loud. Being tall was almost always a perk, but he found that flights were one of the few glaring exceptions.

He always sprang for first class when he had to be on a plane for more than a few hours, but his sister’s last-minute plans had him booking the only available seat on the only available flight that would fit into his demanding schedule. He barely had time to get a workout in and grab a quick shower before his Uber pulled up. He was feeling very lucky that he at least got an aisle seat, and even so, there simply wasn’t going to be a position that would make his legs happy. It was going to be a long night and his only hope would be to fall asleep, which was unlikely, as he found it especially difficult to do in crowded places.

He grabbed his phone and earbuds out of his backpack and put it under the seat in front of him, barely leaving enough room to squeeze his black Nikes in there. When he glanced back up, he could see that there was a young man and woman waiting patiently for him to get up so they could take the seats next to him. He quickly stood and moved to the side. The man eyed him up and down suspiciously and then quickly changed positions with who Alec could only assume was his girlfriend so that he would be sitting next to Alec instead of her. Alec barely contained an eye roll. Heterosexuals. He gave them plenty of space while they got settled and then gingerly lowered himself back into his seat, already regretting going so hard in the gym that morning as his thighs still protested from yesterday’s workout. He would feel it doubly tomorrow.

He went through the process of checking and returning messages on his phone. He handled a few work emails and then touched base with his family. He answered a text from Izzy.

Did you make your flight?

Barely

That’s the spirit. See you soon. 😘

If by “soon” you mean in 9 hours, then yes, that.

Grouchy…..You got stuck in economy again didn’t you? Such a diva.

Next time you come up with some grand scheme, I’m going to need you to think of my legs.

Promise, but I’m sure you could use your powers of persuasion to get yourself into first class. 😎😍

You’re confusing me with you, again

Oh, Alec. Try not to have too much fun.😂 We’ll pick you up at the airport.

Hey, I know how to have fun.

And by “we”, do you mean…..

Simon and I. I wouldn’t bring mom or dad. I’m not that mean.☹️

I have plenty of scars that suggest otherwise, but I’ll see you in 9 short hours.

Love you, big brother

Love you, too.

The perky flight attendant had started her safety speech, which was thankfully straight to the point and not one of those lame ones trying to make everyone laugh. Alec fastened his seatbelt across his black joggers and logged into the airline’s Wi-Fi. He put his phone on airplane mode as soon as he was connected. He glanced over at his seatmates to see the man was huddled up next to his companion and they were chatting quietly and giggling. He didn’t think he had to worry about them trying to talk to him, but he stuck a wireless earbud in that ear anyway just to be sure. He scanned the rest of the passengers within view of him and tried to settle comfortably in his seat when he decided that everything was as it should be.

The pilot he had seen when he boarded the plane came out a few moments later and did the standard pre-flight announcement. Captain Garroway had a deep and booming voice, so Alec clearly heard the weather and their destination all the way from his seat in the back of the plane.

He busied himself with scrolling through his playlist to distract himself during take off. He wasn’t a nervous flyer, but the knowledge that nearly all plane crashes happened during ascent and descent kept him from really relaxing until they were fully up in the air. Being out of control in any situation went against every fiber of his being, and he just had to work through it. He spread his legs a little, pushing his knees all the way against the seatback in front of him, praying that the person wouldn’t want to recline their seat. He crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.

The plane had just hit cruise height, the most nerve wracking part over, and he was listening to a conversation between a mother and child in front of him when his phone buzzed in his lap.

Alec swiped down his notifications and pulled his eyebrows together when he saw what app the push notification had come from. Of all times to get a message from someone on Grindr, this one had to be the weirdest. He hadn’t even had an account for twenty-four hours yet, only having downloaded it late the night before out of boredom. His sister had joked recently that he needed to “Meet someone on Grindr or something to let off some steam”, and despite everything in his being telling him he wouldn’t be happy with such a thing, he had done it anyway. He wasn’t exactly sure why he had listened to her, because he had no interest in hooking up with a random guy just because he was within so many feet of him. There was actually someone he had something really casual with, but it had been a while since he’d seen him. So, he could probably chalk this horrible lapse in decision making up to being frustrated and horny. Still, he had no intention of using the app, not really.

He thought about dismissing the message without reading it, almost laughing at the thought of having sex with some random stranger in the tiny plane bathroom, when it hit him that the message actually had to be from someone currently on the plane with him. That thought had him sitting up straighter and looking around him as inconspicuous as possible. He didn’t see anyone staring at him, but still, like the truly paranoid person he was, he turned down the brightness on his screen so the people around him would be less likely to see what he was doing. Hesitantly, he opened the message.

It was from someone called “CoyNotCryptic” and the icon wasn’t a person, but instead was an aerial photo of a city he didn’t recognize. Oh-kayyy, that wasn’t going to tell him anything. He looked around the cabin again and then read the message.

I see you’re on my flight. Enjoy the ride to Rome.

Alec stared at the words in disbelief. What are the chances? He quickly tried to figure out who this mystery messenger could be. A fellow passenger? The app informed him that it was someone ninety feet away, which would have to be someone toward the front of the plane. A passenger in first class maybe? Alec looked up at the flight attendants suspiciously. Both were women and he didn’t see a third, but that didn’t necessarily mean there wasn’t another one there. First class sometimes had their own attendant. Thoroughly flustered, he turned off his screen and laid it face down in his lap again, still eyeing the people around him and the front of the cabin.

He made it an impressive five minutes before he unlocked his phone and pulled up the message thread. He clicked on the mystery person’s profile.

All he learned from that was that the guy was 3O ish years old, 5’11”, 175lbs, Bi, and Single. Seemed intriguing enough, but a picture definitely would have been extremely helpful. Fucking Grindr. This was why he didn’t want to mess with it in the first place. He wasn’t going to answer it. Absolutely not. What would he even say? What if the person was a total creep and it was a disaster for the entire eight-hour flight?

Just a few minutes later, bored and antsy, he decided that it was going to bother him if he didn’t at least find out who it was. Oh, what the hell , he thought, and typed out a message.

The chances of this happening have to be a million to one, right?

He tapped his foot nervously while he waited the fifteen seconds for an answer to come.

I’m not privy to the exact statistics, but it doesn’t happen very often, in my professional experience. Does this mean you’re one in a million?

Alec swallowed a laugh. The wording of the message made him feel more like it was someone working on the flight. That was probably less risky than a random passenger. More than a little intrigued, he typed a reply.

By that logic, you would be one in a million, also.

Oh, I definitely am.

How self-aware of you.

Self-aware and humble.

And….working right now??

Yes, although it doesn’t feel like work at the moment.

Because I’m distracting you?

Don’t get ahead of yourself. It could be the 40-ton jet I’m flying. -MB

Alec nearly dropped his damn phone and he was ninety percent sure he said, “No way,” out loud instead of in his head. The pilot!! The pilot was messaging him on Grindr. What the actual hell had Izzy gotten him into?! He had the passing thought that maybe it was somebody else on the plane fucking with him, and he looked around for about the tenth time. And MB? Most definitely not the initials of Garroway, the pilot he saw before. Must’ve been the pilot he hadn’t been able to get a good look at when he boarded.

He didn’t have time to go too far down that rabbit hole of thought, because just then a voice filled the cabin. This one was very different than Captain Garroway’s and it got Alec’s full attention, to say the least.

“Good evening, lovely passengers, this is Captain Bane speaking.”

This voice sent a shiver down his spine and made every nerve ending wake up and take notice. It was a voice of pure silk that made Alec think of skin on skin, of dark passionate nights, of hushed whispers between sloppy kisses.

He was absolutely reeling at the realization that “MB” from Grindr was also Captain Bane, the pilot of this airplane, a man whose voice alone stimulated every cell in Alec’s body. He was thoroughly fucked for the duration of this flight and he couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad about it.

“We are now cruising along at an altitude of 30,000 feet. You may use any larger electronic devices you have at this time, on airplane mode, of course. I’m very good at what I do, but I’d prefer a smooth and easy ride tonight.”

Alec pursed his lips to contain his disbelieving laugh, his eyes wide.

“Please also feel free to take your seatbelt off if you need to move around the cabin, but be sure to put it back on anytime you’re in your seat. This is just a precaution in case of unexpected turbulence, or in the event I jerk my stick a little too hard.”

The passengers around him chuckled at the joke, but Alec thought that there was no possible way in hell any of them could be as affected by those words as he was. This was an unbelievable turn of events.

“My darling flight attendants will be doing drink service soon, and I’d like to ask you to be patient and enjoy whatever quenches your thirst. Please exercise self-control, though, as this is a long flight for all of us. Also, just a reminder that any long arms or long legs that are taking up aisle space, are most definitely at risk of being taken out by Clary and her cart, and need to be tucked safely in your seat. Thank you very much and enjoy the ride to Rome.”

This man. Holy. Fucking. Shit. He needed a drink from Clary and her cart ASAP.

He stared at his phone and that last message. It was clearly his move now, and considering how buzzed he was from the announcements alone, he wanted to make it a good one. He decided he very much wanted to play this game.

Aren’t there rules about texting and flying?

You are in very capable hands. I wasn’t joking when I said I’m good at what I do.

In all seriousness though, my co-pilot is doing all the heavy lifting at the moment, but if this makes you nervous, I’ll stop. I like to keep my customers happy.

Don’t stop.

I’m not worried.

Good. Tell me something?

Ask away.

What takes you to Rome?

My little sister’s impromptu wedding.

Scandalous. Have you met her other half?

Oh, yeah. They’ve been together for a while. The engagement isn’t that surprising, and, really, the quick wedding isn’t either if you know my family. She’s avoiding a lot of drama. I can’t really blame her.

Ah, family drama, ever delightful.

Unfortunately there’s no shortage of it with mine.

How long are you staying in Rome for the wedding?

Just a few days.

It’s an absolutely beautiful city. I can make some recommendations if you’d like……

That would be great.

Perky red rolled up to him with her cart, pulling his focus away from the conversation. He reluctantly placed the phone face down on his tray and tried to not look impatient as he got his wallet with his card out of his bag. She asked the couple next to him what they wanted, and Alec dutifully passed a soda and a red wine over. She ignored his debit card and poured a whiskey on the rocks, probably the most expensive they had on board, and handed it over to him. His confusion must have shown on his face because she winked at him and pointed to the front of the plane. It took a couple seconds for him to get it and then he glanced to his side to be sure the people next to him weren’t paying attention.

“Oh, uh, thanks,“ he whispered, and immediately felt like a moron.

“No problem. If you need anything else at all, just let me know. I’ll be back around for meal orders in just a little bit.”

Alec took a big sip of his drink. It was easily twice the size of the drinks you normally received on a plane and he felt a little guilty that he hadn’t even paid for it. He resisted the urge to look around and see if anyone had noticed his special treatment.

He checked his phone as soon as he felt relaxed from the warmth that had burned its way down his chest. There were no new messages, but he decided that sending him a drink was a pretty loud and clear message of its own and he started typing.

So, now you are flying a plane, texting, AND buying me a drink?! Show off.

Is that a thank you?

Of course. How did you even know where I was sitting?

Well, you see, there are these things called ‘Flight Manifests’ and pilots receive one for every flight. Although I must admit I’ve never found one quite as useful as I do now.

By the way, who uses their real name for a Grindr profile??

People who want their pilots to send them free booze.

Ah. Well, your grand scheme is working out quite nicely then, I’d say.

Seriously though, thank you for the drink.

You’re most welcome, Alexander. (So useful, that manifest)

Nobody calls me that except for my mother when she’s angry with me.

Would you rather I not?

No….you can.

Good, because I’m fond of it.

Speaking of things I’m fond of, Clary tells me that your "longest legs ever” have no business at all being in coach.

Ah, well, you can blame my sister and her last minute plans for that.

Wait, do you have everyone spying on me?!

Not everyone, just Clary, I suppose. Though, to be fair, she mentioned your legs before I had her bring you a drink. Seems “tall, dark, and handsome” appeals to all genders.

I’m going to need more alcohol if you’re going to keep saying things like that.

I’ll let Clary know the gorgeous man with mile long legs in C36 needs another drink soon.

I’m actually blushing.

I’d give my Louis luggage to see that for myself.

I don’t do selfies.

Really? Not even for the man who tried to get you a seat in First class?

It was all booked. I checked.

Yes, it is. But I tried to offer someone top shelf alcohol for the duration of the flight to switch with you.

YOU DIDN’T. Please tell me you didn’t.

Doesn’t matter. It didn’t work anyway. Please pass my apologies onto your legs.

No.

No?

No. If you have a message for my legs, you’ll have to deliver it yourself.

Do you really think it’s wise to cause a rise in the heart rate of the pilot who is flying your plane?

My bad. Pass my apologies onto your heart?

If I have to deliver messages in person, then you do as well.

Can you put the pedal to the floor? Get us on the ground any faster?

Do you know anything at all about airplanes?

No, but you could teach me.

With pleasure.

Lkkdfskhdkhsdfkhd.

Did he really send a keysmash? He did. He did that, as eloquent as ever. Slightly mortified, he waited to be teased for it. When no message came through, he checked his Wi-Fi connection, then his watch, and finally scrolled through his playlist and chose some music, trying to busy himself with something other than shamelessly flirting with the man currently keeping them alive way above the surface of the earth. He was probably very busy at the moment and Alec had to get a grip, especially since they were only an hour and a half into the flight.

By the time the dinner cart went through an hour later, Alec had returned a few more emails, done his budget for the month, organized all the photos in his gallery, and archived all the files on his phone that he didn’t need anymore. He also might have checked Grindr for new messages about twenty times, so he was more than a little ready for that second drink.

This time the other attendant came through, the one with the darker skin and curly hair. She was just as helpful and nice as Clary, but much less hyper, and Alec found that she had a way about her that he liked. With a knowing smile she served him up the same drink as before. She didn’t even try to tell him where it came from, which he appreciated, because at this point he was more than a little self conscious that the entire staff seemed to know the pilot was sending him things.

She took his dinner order and returned twenty minutes later with what could only amount to two standard airline meals and yet another glass of amber liquid. This one was smaller and accompanied by a bottle of water. He didn’t miss how she took his credit card and made herself look busy, before handing it back without actually swiping it. He gave her a genuine smile, very much appreciating her discretion and she patted his shoulder as she went by.

He usually didn’t like to be touched by people, let alone strangers, reserving his physical affection for his family alone. Maybe it was the alcohol warming his veins or the fact that he was currently being lavished with gifts, but he found that the small touch made him happy.

Eventually, he was relaxed enough that he felt like he may actually be able to sleep, but he still declined a pillow and blanket when they came through passing them out to everyone. There was no way he was going to be able to get that comfortable around this many strangers. He made a quick trip to the restroom and stopped in the aisle to stretch his legs and torso as much as he could in the tight space, before regrettably sliding back into his seat. He knocked back the last bit of his drink and followed it with the water, before sliding his tray back up and settling in. His phone buzzed on his leg.

How was dinner?

Pretty good, actually. I think I owe you a few hundred dollars at this point.

Nonsense, it was my pleasure.

Thank you.

Is it sad that this is probably better than any date I’ve ever had?

That’s only because you haven’t been on a proper date with me ; )

Or because I’m bad at the whole dating thing. (Did you just winky face me?)

I think, given the right company, you’d do better than you think. (Yes, yes I did.)

Hah. A high compliment.

How about this for a compliment…….You really need to warn my staff before you go stretching in the aisle, again. Nobody benefits from a passed out crew.

Who told you about that?

Oh, just a little conversation between Clary and Maia.

Ugh.

I like Maia.

AND DON’T YOU HAVE A PLANE TO FLY?!

Shhhhhhhhh. I’m a professional, remember?

And I figured you would. She likes you, too.

Nobody likes me.

That’s very much not true. I happen to have it on good authority that just a small little sliver of your stomach can cause an impressive stir.

Please stop.

Are you blushing again?

I’m not sending you a selfie.

What if I pout?

Don’t do that. I’ll be forced to take one and then I’ll die of embarrassment. Nobody needs that.

*Sighs* I rather like you living, so I’ll give you a pass this time.

So generous.

You have no idea how generous I can be.

You can’t just keep saying things like that to me.

Why not? I’m just trying to give you “sweet dreams” material.

That might be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.

Did it make you smile?

Maybe……

Yes.

Good. Regrettably, I have to go do the heavy lifting now. I’ll leave you to sleep.

Sleep. Sure. Easy. No problem.

Goodnight, Alexander.

Surprisingly, sleep came easier than he ever could have imagined it would, given the situation, which made him thankful for the food, booze, and the exhaustion that came with being up for almost twenty-four hours straight. He drifted off replaying the messages from Captain Bane in his head over and over and a relaxed smile on his face.

Alec woke with a start when the man in his row slid their window shade all the way up. He squinted against the bright sun, a clear indication that he slept longer than just a few hours. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and tried to blink the sleep from them. When he looked around he saw that a few people were still sleeping, but most were awake and talking quietly, with various drinks and snacks. It seemed he had slept through the beverage cart and probably some announcements, and he imagined that they had to be pretty close to landing in Rome.

He hit his knee on something and looked down to see that someone had lowered his tray and placed a lidded cup of coffee, a bottle of water and a blueberry muffin on it. That’s when it all came back to him. He scrambled around in his lap to find his phone, dropping it on the floor in his haste. He leaned down in the tight space to get it and hit his head on the seatback in front of him. “Shit!”

He glanced at his seatmates and said a quick, “Sorry,” for cursing and causing a ruckus, but didn’t pay attention to them long enough to see their reactions. He had much better things to do.

He managed to fish his phone off the floor and quickly straightened, sliding down his notifications with impressive speed and selecting the one he wanted.

Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. If you need anything else, let me know.

Alec grinned and took a big gulp of his coffee before replying. He needed to wake up fast.

You are a gift, you know that?

Does that mean you’re going to eagerly unwrap me?

It’s too early for sentences like that.

It’s never too early for sentences like that.

How long until we land?

An hour and seventeen minutes.

Aren’t you getting tired?

I’m used to it, darling. Don’t worry about me.

Darling. He actively tried to keep a stupid smile from taking over his face. An hour. An hour until he exited this plane…..through the front of the plane. The front of the plane where this man currently was. Fuck. He needed a lot more coffee, a toothbrush, and a mirror STAT. He looked down at his crumpled t-shirt and jogging pants and swore under his breath. Truthfully, Alec wasn’t even sure he would be seeing him in person when they landed. He hadn’t seen him when they boarded, and so maybe it would be a repeat of that. That thought was too disappointing for him though, so he pushed it away and set about righting himself, just in case.

He drank his coffee down as quickly as he could without burning his mouth. Then he wrapped his muffin up in the package and put it in his backpack, knowing there was no way his nervous early morning stomach would tolerate it. He grabbed his toiletry bag and rushed to the bathroom before the imminent announcement that they had to stay in their seats.

Once he was folded in the cramped space, he brushed his teeth and thanked God for his recent haircut in preparation for the wedding. He spent a few minutes mussing his hair up with his fingers and a bit of water before deciding it was about as good as it was going to get. He ran his hand over his face and decided the scruff there wasn’t too bad, not bad enough to shave in an airplane bathroom, at least.

He started to stretch and then abruptly stopped, self-conscious that people would notice and he’d be the subject of mile-high gossip once again. He returned to his seat feeling a bit more human and a lot more nervous.

Clary came walking down the aisle with purpose, smiled way too brightly at him for 7 a.m. and handed him a folded up slip of paper. He hesitantly took it with a polite, “Thanks,” and immediately opened it and read the elegant script.

Meet me up front, if you want , after everyone else has deplaned.

~M.

If you want. He wasn’t sure he had ever wanted anything so much in his life.

Captain Garroway came over the intercom to let them know they were beginning their descent and Alec didn’t comprehend any of it. He put his seatbelt on when others around him did and tried to stop bouncing his leg nervously. Maybe he had a little too much coffee.

Ten minutes later they landed in Rome without incident, and Alec unbuckled his seatbelt and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Why the hell was he so nervous? He watched as the other passengers gathered their belongings and exited at an agonizingly slow pace. Twice he got up and helped someone get a bag out of the compartment to hurry the process along. He tried really fucking hard to not compare the man across from him to a sloth, like a total asshole. Finally, when it got to his row he stood up and let the man and woman go by him.

Once they had their stuff gathered, the woman unexpectedly turned to Alec and said, “I just have to know, are you some kind of celebrity or something?”

Alec balked.

The man with her looked shocked as he nudged her. “Jules!”

She shrugged. “What? It’s kind of obvious.” She turned back to Alec. “Which movies are you in?”

Alec huffed out a laugh, “What? No…”

He was relieved when her boyfriend tugged her along even if he was kind of amused at the last disbelieving look she shot him.

The last few rows went by without any more accusations of stardom, which Alec was very grateful for, and then Clary passed by him last, with a wink and a little wave. He groaned out loud and didn’t even feel bad for it.

There was movement at the front of the plane from the crew and he forced himself to not focus on any of it, but instead he pulled his suitcase out of the overhead bin and threw his backpack over his shoulder. He started walking.

It all became too real when he saw Clary and Maia exit the plane behind the passengers. That wasn’t normal, was it? That definitely wasn’t normal. Jesus Christ, his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He got to first class and the other pilot, Garroway, was standing there in front of the cockpit door, his bag in hand. He shot Alec a smug, crooked smile and left the plane without a word.

And then there he stood.

There he stood looking way more beautiful than anyone who had been working all night had any right to. His eyes were bright and kohl-rimmed, his features strong and beautiful even as he nervously rubbed the fingers of his left hand together. He really was a kind of perfect that Alec hadn’t even realized existed. He wanted to devour him.

Alec watched, a little stunned, as he stepped forward. Then, he tilted his head up in a challenge and parted his lips, and that was all it took.

Alec abandoned his luggage right there in the aisle and went to him. He reached out with both hands, pressing one hand to his hip and grabbing his shirt with the other, pulling him into him. He kissed him hard, already drowning in the scent of him, the feel of him.

They started stumbling backward, and Alec realized that he was throwing his weight around too much, but fucking hell, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t even think as he pressed their lips together over and over. He wanted it hard and fast, soft and slow, any and every way he could have him.

They stumbled through the door and into the back of the captain’s chair with an “oomph” and Alec opened his eyes briefly to drink him in.

“Alec,” he said, his breath hot on Alec’s lips, eyes still closed.

“Magnus,” Alec said, stepping into him even more, closing the tiniest bit of space that was left between them. “Fuck, I missed you.”

Magnus opened his eyes and smiled at him. “Yes, I can feel that,” he said, rolling his hips against Alec’s.

“You haven’t felt anything yet,” Alec said, his voice gruff.

Magnus slid a hand between them, “Oh, this isn’t just anything,” he said, rubbing fingers down Alec’s length through his pants. He curled them under the waistband and tugged, causing Alec to go from half-hard to fully erect in no time flat. “I like these pants…….a lot.”

Alec rubbed circles on Magnus’ ribcage with his thumb to distract himself so he could manage to speak a coherent sentence. “They’re perfect for long flights.”

He nearly whimpered when Magnus retracted his hand, but somehow still managed to narrow his eyes at him. “Speaking of long flights,” he said, “I’m supposed to be mad at you.”

Magnus smiled at him. “Oh, really? Whatever did I do?”

At that moment he realized how much he had missed that. His smile, his cunning wit, the elegance with which he spoke, his humor. All of it. He had missed all of Magnus. Desperately. He couldn’t believe he even considered the notion that anyone he met on a hookup app would be enough.

He stepped back a little bit, trying to be serious, but he didn’t remove his hands from Magnus’ waist, because he wasn’t planning on going far, maybe ever. “Well, you were in the city where I live and you didn’t even call me,” he accused, trying not to sound too desperate and probably failing miserably.

Magnus’ eyes twinkled with mischief, which should have prepared Alec for what came next, but before he knew it Magnus had changed their positions, and Alec was being pushed back against the chair, with Magnus pressing up against him, chest to hip. He leaned in and whispered in Alec’s ear, “Mmmmmm, well, if you needed me to dick you down, all you had to do was say something.” He nibbled gently at his earlobe and Alec almost forgot how to move air.

Fucking hell, if that didn’t make him damn near want to beg. “This is me saying something.”

Magnus kissed his neck ever so lightly, which sent shivers all the way down his body. “Hmmmm, what exactly are you saying, darling?”

“Magnus,” he said, exasperated and damn near floating with desire. Or lack of oxygen. Probably both.

“Alexander,” he practically purred back.

That was the first time Alec had ever heard him say his full name and he hoped it wasn’t even close to the last time. He actually fucking whimpered, and that was when he decided this wasn’t the time to be stubborn. “I need you to dick me down,” he admitted, snaking a hand up and grabbing Magnus’ hair. He pulled his head back and away from his neck to get back some control, instead kissing him deeply, sliding his tongue into his mouth and languidly tasting him.

Magnus moaned into his mouth and returned the kiss with equal intensity, before pulling away to answer him, grinding their hips together once more for good measure.

“With pleasure, if you promise to put that beautiful mouth of yours to good use.”

Alec’s whole body was singing at that promise. “Deal.” He looked around, thinking of logistics for all the things they were about to do, and then he was snapped back into the reality of exactly where they were.

“You’re a pilot,” he said, matter of fact, even if a little breathless.

“I am.” Magnus smiled. “Are you impressed?”

“Very, but what else is new?” Alec answered.

Magnus laughed, “I have to admit this is turning out most favorable for me as well.”

Alec looked around, “How long before you have to fly out again?”

Magnus said, “A couple of days…ish.”

“Ish?” Alec asked.

“That’s what I said.”

“Can you come to my hotel later?” Alec asked.

Magnus bit his bottom lip, then grinned. “You aren’t even a little tempted to do it right here, Alec? It is a Cock-pit, after all. It’s right there in the name,” he whispered.

Alec smiled, “Wow.” Honestly, fuck him for being so sexy while delivering such outrageous lines.

Magnus laughed deeply, and Alec ran a large hand down his chest and pulled his shirt down to kiss what he could of his collar bone. “Believe me, I’m very, very tempted, but I want to get you completely naked, lay you out on a bed, and take my time with you. I’ve had enough of cramped spaces for a while.”

“How could I possibly argue with that logic?” Magnus asked.

“You can’t,” Alec said.

“Text me your hotel information and give me a couple of hours?” Magnus asked.

The “couple of hours” part had him rethinking the whole “fucking in the cockpit of this plane” business, but he pushed away from Magnus with Herculean effort and placed one last and lingering kiss to his lips.

Alec forced himself to go back into the plane to collect his belongings, feeling Magnus’ eyes on him the whole way. When he passed by him again, Magnus was leaning against the door, a knowing smirk on his face.

Alec gestured to Magnus’ uniform. “Are you going to be wearing this when you stop by?” He couldn’t resist asking.

Magnus’ eyes crinkled with his smile. “Ooh, does someone have a kink?”

“Says the man who’s obsessed with my legs,” he countered, grinning back.

Magnus laughed, and Alec thought that it might very well be the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. “Get out of my airplane, Alexander.”

#asks #answers #ever-so-nice #this was so lovely #thank you #and im sorry for being such a damn hot mess #and when you soar #oh how i have to get to working on this #ive missed this version of them #fanfic #myfics #malec #malec au #pilot magnus #the one prompted by the twitter post of a pilot messaging someone on grindr

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bedbellyandbeyond · 6 years ago

Text

Gainer, Part 1

(Sort of a One Shot Story Post 1/3)

“Alright, guys. It’s week three of my gain train and I have gained…” Jeffrey stepped off the scale, opened his eyes, and sighed. “…Point…five pounds. Well. That’s progress! I’m sure…I’m sure my body just needs to get used to this new gaining thing. I’ll update you next week. Subscribe to HEFFrey! Later!” He turned off the camera and groaned. Another week of failure. Any kind of gain would’ve been nice. Muscle gain. Fat gain. Subscriber gain, even. He just didn’t know what he was doing wrong. The first week he’d tried stuffing himself silly. Second week was gainer shakes and reps. Third week was water chugging to try for even water weight. But everything just went straight through him. He had been cursed with this scrawny twink body when all he wanted was to be a big bellied bear. His aunt had said their family was blessed with a godly metabolism but he always felt like it was more than that. He couldn’t gain a pound even when he tried hard. He felt doomed to being a hundred and twelve pounds soaking wet.

The comments were nice though. Since his channel was new, it was mostly supporters, hardly any trolls bothered to lurk around him, though he’d get the odd ‘wtf’ down there or people who wished they could keep weight down and envied him. Mostly though, he had some followers who encouraged him and looked forward to his development. They said he should keep trying and he’ll get there. But it just felt like an impossible dream. This night a couple comments popped up right away. ‘Love the water stuff. Keep it coming.’ ‘U cute already. No need for gains.’ ‘More ass shots.’ ‘Hnnnghgnnnnngnghg’ He chuckled a bit at them. He knew guys would be jerking off to it. In a way, it was what he was going for. It made him feel sexy, though it felt a little gross at times. Essentially, it depended on his mood. But it was a fetish thing, gaining, so he knew what to expect. Another thing he expected were the suggestions. In fact, he’d only tried to water gain because of a suggestion on a previous video. So when he saw a comment of someone trying to peddle some kind of gain quick scheme, he was mildly interested. ‘I have trick for you. It is good. Get big fast. Just a drink. Message me contact info.’ He rolled his eyes. Guys were always trying to hook up with him like this, and it was a little annoying. ‘Get big fast’ wasn’t going to be enough to get his digits. He never met with people from online. Call him traditional, but he was a face to face kind of guy. He wasn’t even on Grindr. There weren’t any other comments worth scrolling through, so he plugged in his phone and decided to retire for the night. He went to bed emotionally deflated and hoped he could find something new to try tomorrow.

“You’re HEFFrey.” He was at his favourite bar the next night. He was never a big fan of beer, but his gainer mindset convinced him if he drank it enough, maybe one day he’d have a trucker worthy beer gut. He was two coronas deep when he heard the name called out. The music in the bar was loud though and his lightweight ass was a little buzzed already so at first he thought he was just hearing things. But then again in the strong accent he couldn’t place, his tag was called again. “You are HEFFrey. Gain boy of the web.” A tall stranger had sat down next to him. The guy had very pale skin, jet black hair, and these wide blazing sun coloured eyes that stared so deeply. He didn’t move as he spoke directly at Jeffrey. “It is you, yes?” he asked again. “Uh…” Jeffrey started sweating all over. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, was all he could think. His biggest fear was someone recognising him from his channel. That’s why he tried not to film his face in the videos. So how did this guy know? “Must be you. You have the mother’s marking,” the stranger said pointing to a spot on the back of Jeffrey’s palm. “My birth mark…” Jeffrey whispered, pulling his hand away and cradling it. “So… You got me… Please though, it’s private. Don’t tell anyone.” The stranger shook his head. “No. But I left you a comment. Did you read?” “Uh, thanks bro, but I get a lot of comments…” “I help you. I know fast gain. Big gain.” Jeffrey blinked. So this guy… Was this the guy who asked for his contact info? He always imagined his subscribers lived halfway across the globe. What was the coincidence they’d be meeting in the same city in the same bar the very next day? “I have gain product,” the guy said. After he finished speaking, he actually moved now and fished a bottle out of a satchel Jeffrey hadn’t noticed earlier. The bottle looked just like the one of Mass Gainer he had at home, but this one was in some unrecognisable language. Jeffrey blinked at it and scoffed. “I’ve tried that kinda stuff…” “No. You have not. This is not like your lame human powders. This is from my homeland. It is guaranteed gain.” “Listen, dude. Nothing works on me,” Jeffrey said. “This stuff sounds great, but I’m almost ready to give up.” “No!” The guy shook his head quickly. “You are my favourite to watch. I promise you, this works.” Jeffrey huffed and drank a bit more of his beer. “What do I gotta do? I can’t read that shit…” The man beamed excitedly. “It dissolves in any drink. Milk. Water. Beer. Smoothie. Up to you—” Jeffrey snatched the bottle, uncapped it, and poured half a cup of it into his beer. He lazily swirled it around with a finger before chugging it down. The alcohol went straight to his head and he felt a little tipsy. “Ah… Oop…too fast.” The stranger watched him in awe, a pleased smile on his face. “How do you feel?” “Like this ain’t gonna work…” Jeffrey leaned forward and grabbed the handsome strangers shirt. “But I did it for you cause you’re hot, so how ‘bout you take me home?” The stranger all but sparkled. “I’d love to.”

The next morning, Jeffrey woke up with a wicked hangover and an ache in his anus he felt like he would feel for days. He didn’t remember much from the night before. He remembered little clips: a car ride, the sound of his keys, shirts flying off, the overall feeling of being hot and horny. But now, he felt sick and gross, with a side of regret. But he knew the ache of a good fuck and it had been a while. Too bad he couldn’t even remember the other guy’s name and he was nowhere to be found… After throwing up in the bathroom, he pulled himself to his feet and went to wash his face. The water was so cool and refreshing it helped him think straight and his vision cleared up as well. A second later, he was staring at himself in the mirror. “…No… No way…” He backed up slowly, staring down at his midsection. He couldn’t believe it. His usually concave stomach was actually slightly bloated. For anyone else, this would be a side effect of all the beer and snacks he had the day before, but for him, it was like he’d become as fat as Santa Claus. He couldn’t believe it. Looking down, he pressed a finger into his stomach to make sure it was real. When his skin resisted, he felt almost faint with delight. It worked! That guy’s stuff, whatever it was, actually worked! And overnight too! He tried to reconnect his mind to his feet so he could go stand on his scale. He closed his eyes and counted to three, then looked down. “…Two…Two pounds? Two pounds!” Jeffrey started panting. “Oh my god… Oh my fucking god… I need to… I need to vlog this!” He nearly tripped over himself trying to get to his camera. He was so excited to share his new growth. “Hey, guys! So...Oh my god, this is a pretty, uh, impromptu video. I said I'd be back next week, but, uh... Well, just look!” He paraded his new body in front of his camera very pleased with himself. “So, this growth is kind of a mystery... I met this pretty hot guy who had, like, a gainer shake powder or whatever. Some cool foreign stuff. Threw it in my beer and here we are. I’m so excited. To that guy, thanks bud! I didn’t get your name but like… You know. Hit me up.” He rubbed his stomach happily and patted it. “Okay, so that’s all for now. I can’t wait to see where we are next week.”

This slight new shape gave Jeffrey so much confidence. He celebrated every night and woke up each morning ridiculously hungover. He managed to sober up for his work shifts but he didn’t have too many shifts so he didn’t worry about it. Besides, his cousin, though barely around, paid for everything in their apartment so work wasn’t important to him. He’d started dedicating all his own income to this gain thing. He always went to the same bar each night but he didn’t see the powder guy anywhere again. He shrugged it off though. You could only get lucky so often, right? Flipping on the camera a week later, he nearly danced in excitement. “Alright, first reading of the day,” he said. “My appetite’s been up and as you guys can see, there’s definitely new growth. I feel like I should have, like, a name for when we do a scale reading… Scale…scale… Uhhhh… Measurement mode? Hah, I don’t know… I’ll work on it…” He stepped on the scale and beamed. “Another two pounds! Guys, I’m… Just wow. I’m 116 lbs now. I never thought I’d get here… Let’s do a belly measurement!” He pulled out his measuring tape and pulled it around his middle. “29 inches! God, I mean, compared to what’s out there, that’s pretty lame, but for me, this is so dope. I was 25 inches two weeks ago. Jesus. I hope this keeps up. I’m fucking…I’m shook or whatever.” He turned and gave them one last extended front and profile view before signing off and turning off the camera. He wasn't much of an editor so he just re-watched it to make sure he liked the video and threw it up online. Within minutes he was getting quite the comments. Many were just as excited as he was and he loved it. One guy mentioned his arm was still bigger than Jeffrey but Jeffrey didn’t mind. He knew he was gonna get big. He just had the best feeling about it.

Part 2 Part 3

#mpreg #Jeffrey #oneshot

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aufbrechenumauszubrechen · 5 years ago

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aufbrechen, um auszubrechen – Finding the love of my life in Ottawa

Hello world!

You might be wondering why this entry is written in English. The answer is simple: It's because this is a very special one for a very special person. Exactly two years ago I met a man that I've been in love with ever since. And this is how our two paths crossed...

I arrived at the Ottawa airport in the late afternoon. Compared to Vancouver it was freezing. Snow was covering houses, trees and streets. One could assume it was actually winter. I took an Uber to my Airbnb which cost me about $30. When I had booked the Airbnb everything around looked pretty close. I actually thought I could walk into the city within 45 minutes. Oh, what a fool I was. After I arrived at my apartment in Gloucester, a suburb of Ottawa, and logged into the wifi I soon found out that the next grocery store was a 30 minute walk away. Needless to say that there was 10cm of snow covering the streets.

But since I was hungry and the owner of the apartment was not home yet, I decided to go for that walk to buy myself some dinner. Except for that huge scarf I had bought in Revelstoke my winter gear was rather uncommon – two t-shirts, a sweater, a light jacket, a pair of jeans and runners. I'm still freezing just thinking about that walk. But when I came back I had dinner and some snacks in my backpack. So it was definitely worth it. I made myself some food and had great company – the owner's two cats. With my stomach full of spaghetti I went upstairs to my room. One of the reasons I went to Ottawa was to meet the OTM crew. OTM stands for One Track Mind and it's a group of people training for the decathlon. Kevin, head of that crew, vlogged about his life as a decathlete and put the videos on YouTube. I had been watching his videos for quite a while now and was eager to finally meet and train with the crew. Before I started my trip I had been emailing Kevin about the possibility of training with them. He liked the idea. So now I emailed him again asking about their training schedule for the week. While I was waiting for him to reply I opened up Grindr on my phone. I hadn't touched the app since Vancouver so I was interested to see if the Ottawa users were less creepy. And indeed most men on there seemed to be rather ordinary judging by their profile pictures. Also, I did not get any dick pics. So I was regaining trust in the app. Still, I did not use my real name on the app. I was Ben. Nice to meet you! Since I was still home alone I spent the night scrolling through numerous profiles of gay Ottawa men. If you are interested in a person you can either text them right away or send that person a flame to see if they like you back. Since I'm not good at taking the first step, I usually waited for people to text me or send me a flame. There was only one person that night that got my flame. His name was Brennan and I liked his greenish blue eyes. There was something faithful in his look. It did not take long for him to send me a flame back. My heart jumped a little when I saw that notification. Now it was time for me to take the first step. I started texting him on the app. Honestly, I don't even remember what my first lines were, probably something like „Hi, I'm Josef... I mean Ben. Nice to meet you!“. But whatever I said first, it must have worked because he texted back. I was super happy and we texted back and forth for quite some time. Finally, I got a text message from Kevin that there is training tomorrow morning and that he's gonna pick me up at 9am. It was 2am. Time to go to bed. I put my phone aside and fell asleep with a happy smile on my face.

I got up after less than six hours of sleep. But nothing could worry me because Brennan still texted back. After a quick breakfast Kevin picked me up to go to training. What I really like about Canadians is that they are so open-minded. I mean, Kevin just picked up a random German guy to take him to training. We had only texted a few times and soon after I was joining the OTM training session in the Dome at Louis Riel. I had never seen a 400 meter indoor track in my entire life. It was awesome! Unfortunately, none of the other OTM crew members showed up for that training. But two girls that I knew from Kevin's vlogs – Charlotte and Sveta – were also there. So that made it a bit less awkward. We spend the next two and a half hours doing long jump drills, short sprints, hurdles, med ball exercises, some weight training and finshed off with 2x300m. It was a lot of fun. I was super out of shape, but they still made me feel like I was part of the group. In the end, I got a cap from their coach James and two Ottawa Lions t-shirts from Zach, another coach from that club. I had a great time! Thanks a lot, Kevin!

Back at home, I took a shower, ate the rest of yesterday's spaghetti and went to a thrift shop that was next to the grocery store. I desperately needed a warm jacket. But I was unlucky. They did not have any jackets that I could wear with confidence. So I walked back to my Airbnb. I was lucky that I just made it before it started to snow like crazy. When I arrived I finally met the owner, Mark, and his girlfriend Kaitlyn. They were both super nice. While they were preparing their dinner we talked a lot about travelling and cats. After lots of laughs I went upstairs and started texting with Brennan again. We agreed on exchanging numbers and continued our conversation on WhatsApp. Since Kevin had told me that there was free ice skating Downtown and I needed to go buy a warmer jacket anyway, I knew that I was heading to the city the next day. So I suggested meeting Downtown. When Brennan did not they no right away I figured my chances were really good to actually meet that man with the beautiful eyes. Again, I went to bed with a smile on my face.

When I went downstairs to make myself some breakfast the next morning Mark offered to take me Downtown since he had a meeting there anyway. An hour later I found myself standing in the cold wind of Parliament Hill. I had booked 30 minutes of ice skating online. So I just rented some skates and had a great time on the ice without falling once.

After freezing my butt off on the ice it was finally time to get some winter clothes. So I went to the Rideau Mall to get a nice warm jacket and some shoes. I texted Brennan to see what his plans were for the day. He actually considered coming Downtown to meet me. But I had some convincing to do. He told me how gross he looked today and I told him that I would really like to experience his complete grossness first hand. It kind of worked. He agreed to come and meet me at The Highlander Pub. We had a date! So now I did not only need a warm jacket and shoes but also a nice pair of jeans and a sweater since I was wearing some super worn out travelling clothes. I found everything I needed, got changed in the bathroom, stuffed my old clothes in a backpack that was way too small and looked in the mirror. Just one little detail was missing. I was still wearing my glasses. But since I did not have glasses on in any of my profile pictures I figured to better not wear them. So I didn't. It made my vision worse but helped my confidence. I checked my phone and Brennan just texted that he was sitting in The Highlander Pub, in the left corner when you enter. I loved how specific he was because it lowered the chances of awkwardly not finding each other immensely. And that's when I walked in and saw him for the first time. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I said hi and the rest is history. We had an apple cider and some good talks. We was funny, asked smart questions and made me feel super comfortable. After our Ciders we had some pizza at The Grand Pizzeria and Bar. That's where he asked me if I was actually gay. I had a good laugh and confirmed my gayness. Time just flew by. He showed me around the city. He took the picture of me hanging from the T of the famous Ottawa sign. We walked through the snow.

To Parliament Hill where we saw a little light show.

After our amazing first date he drove me to my Airbnb. We hugged and said goodbye both knowing that this would not be the last time we saw each other. I went to bed with the biggest smile on my face.

After all the excitement the day before I slept super long. I went to get some Christmas presents for my family and headed to training after. This time the whole OTM crew was present.

We did some sprints, weight training and shot put. It was fun to get back into training. After a shower at home Brennan picked me up to get some burritos at Mucho Burrito. On our drive there I took all my courage and placed my hand on his that was on the gearshift. I asked him if that was okay. He said yes. That made me really happy. At Mucho Burrito I ordered a Mucho Veggie, the vegetarian burrito option, and was asked what kind of meat I would like on that. Classic. Brennan and I had a good laugh about that and ate our delicious burritos. We headed to his place to watch a movie. Julia Roberts ate, prayed and loved. And we cuddled. The weather outside got super ugly. Snow fell like crazy and the wind was picking up. We both decided that it was not the best idea to drive or be in a car right now. So I stayed the night. To not rush things I slept in the guest room which is something we now laugh about a lot. Whenever I visit Brennan nowadays he asks if I want to sleep in the guest room again. Probably I should some day to relive the memories.

They next day started with lots of cuddles and breakfast. It felt like the right place to be. Brennan took me back to my Airbnb so I could make it to training in time. At training we just did some running and pole vaulting. I took an Uber home, showered and prepared my dinner. I spent the night at the kitchen table talking and laughing with Mark and Kaitlyn. They gave me a little guestbook to sign. Here is what I did.

After that I went upstairs, packed my things and fell asleep right away. My Ottawa experience had been amazing so far. The next destination was Montréal although I liked Ottawa and especially Brennan so much that I just wanted to stay there.

The next day I left Gloucester and took the train to Montréal. The train ride was quite scenic so the time flew by and suddenly I arrived in the most populated city of Québec. When I left the train station to walk the few blocks to my hostel a windy negative 15 degrees celsius blew into my face. I had never experienced anything like that. It felt unreal. And very, very cold. I made it to the hostel in one frozen piece, checked in and got to my room. At hostel looked nice at first, but the eight bunk bedroom looked and smelled like prison. We had a little bathroom in there that probably hadn't been cleaned in two years. It was a mess. But it was cheap. I just put my stuff in that room and left it as fast as I could. The common area was nice though. And they had a big room for reading which nobody used. So I sat down there and started writing on my blog. After a while I could not concentrate anymore so I decided to go ugly Christmas sweater shopping. It's a family tradition that I started a few years ago. I basically put on every piece of clothing I had in my backpack and went outside. After a few failed attempts of finding a really ugly one I found this one.

After my shopping success I went to the Museum of Modern Art. They had a Leonard Cohen exhibition. All I knew about him was that he wrote Hallelujah. So I was eager to learn more. I walked out of that exhibition three hours later thinking that I learnt a lot. But now the only thing I remember is his quote: There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. I really like that quote, but still feel embarrassed about not being able to remember more. Not to blame anyone here but I was constantly texting Brennan while walking through the museum. One could say I might have been a bit distracted. After that nice educational visit I got a delicious falafel and went back to the hostel. The room was still smelly but so was I after the falafel. So I called it a day and fell asleep.

The next day I slept in a little, took a shower in one of the hallway bathrooms, got my breakfast and went into the city. I bought a few postcards and a nice sweater for Brennan as a surprise. After that I felt like I had seen enough of Montréal since all I could think of was Brennan. So I went to the train station to change my train ticket to be back in Ottawa earlier. That way I could spend one more full day with Brennan before leaving for Iceland. I paid $21 to change my ticket and was a happy man. Through the freezing wind of Montréal I walked back to the hostel to relax in that reading room nobody was using. When I went back into my room I met Charlie from London. He told me about a Christmas Market he wanted to go to and asked if I wanted to join. So we walked to that Christmas Market which felt a bit like a German Christmas Market. Just that it was trying too hard.

But it was at that place and time that I had my very first poutine. I felt super Canadian right away. The poutine itself was okay. It was more about the experience anyway.

After that Charlie went to a party and I went to bed.

The next morning I got up early to catch the train to Ottawa. On the train ride I watched Home Alone 1 on my laptop. It's the kind of nostalgia I like. With the perfect timing of Kevin hugging his mother in the end I arrived in Ottawa. Brennan picked me up at the train station. We went to our favourite – Mucho Burrito – and with a full stomach made it to his place. We spend all day watching movies and cuddling on the couch. I enjoyed every minute of it. Julie Andrews taught us the Do-Re-Mi as we were watching The Sound of Music. Later Melissa McCarthy food poison pooed in the sink in Bridesmaids. All in all, it was a successful day that ended with pizza and more cuddles. This time I upgraded myself to sleeping in his bed. We were both happy with that decision.

The next day it was time to say goodbye for now. I was headed to Iceland next and Scandinavia after. But I was already sure that I would pass on the last Scandinavia week and get on a plane back to Canada. I gave him the sweater I bought. And he gave me some beautiful gloves. I was so happy and so sad at the same time. He drove me to the airport, gave me one last kiss and the next thing I know is me waving him goodbye. At first, there was a lot of sadness knowing that this part of our story was over, that I was about to continue my travels and that I would not see him for some time now. But soon after I realized that it was just the start of it all. The start of something so beautiful words fail to describe. So I sat there at the gate waiting for my flight. I checked my phone. He texted. Heart emoji. This is just the start. There is so much more to come.

Ich liebe dich, Brennan.

#aufbrechenumauszubrechen #blog #ottawa #love #reise #weltreise #liebe #gay #canada #travel #montreal #muchoburrito

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magic-belodie · 4 years ago

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I finished Hyun’s route of MCLLL episode10. It cost me 1156 AP I got the illustration with Nina. Here is the summary:

(I have chosen different outcomes each time I play. So in the summaries there are more things different than the part with your lover.)

You start this episode in the snake-bar. You come there to have a fine evening with Rosa and Alexy. Rosa comes inside. You and Rosa ask the bar tender where Alexy is. It seems that he quits his job four days ago. Then Alexy comes inside. He tells you he got a new job. Alexy's new job is head of surveys at the AMG-BBPC agency. His job is actually to suggest paths for improving the product that take into account the expectations I identified via the survey. Alexy got this job with meeting other people with Grindr. He is meeting a lot of people with it. So Rosa ask if he is missing Morgan. Alexy says no. They just didn't want the same thing out of life. Then Alexy ask how Rosa and you are doing. It is going good with Rosa. She is having few regular customers. And with Thia and Leigh is everything going well. You tell Rosa and Alexy who well it is going with the café. And then you tell them how it is going with the new business of Hyun. And that goes really well. But you are afraid that he doesn't have any time for you anymore. Then Alexy get some drinks and gives his number to a guy he just met at the bar. Then you asked them if they heard about Priya's new case. They read about in the paper. They think it will be a difficult case. I choose in the last episode to testify. Rosa thinks that as long as you stick to the truth, nothing will go wrong and Priya will handle it. Then you take another round and go home.

The next day starts. You are at the café. You get a message from Rayan. He asks you to come see him. You go directly to him. At Rayan's house. When you see him, he looks terrible. Rayan ask if you heard what happened. You tell him that Priya told you before it was in the news. You can choose if you want to tell Rayan about the testifying. I choose to tell him. Rayan understands, but is sad about it. Than he tells you that he gets a lot of mails with threats and the other university who wanted him has turned him down because of this. He asks you to testify with what happened with Marina. You say that he first needs to tell what happened in his office. He tells that he called her there to avoid turning her down in a crowd. He explained the situation to her, and then she seems flattered and left without a word. And since then he hasn't seen her. I say then yes to testify on what I have seen with Marina in episode 8. Rayan thinks that Renate is behind this. He wants to talk with Marina. He asks if you can talk to Marina to get her to the café. I said yes. So I go to find Marina. Rayan thinks she will be at the library.

At the library, you see Marina directly. You ask her to talk with Rayan at the café. She first wants to discuss this with her lawyer. You leave the library. When you are at out of the library, you call Rayan and told that you didn't succeed. Then you see Nina. She looks really sad. Raphael turned her down. You go shopping with her to cheer her up. You get to choose your outfit. I got the outfit for Nina's illustration and also got the illustration. Nina goes home a lot happier. You go back to the café. At the café. You see Dambi, you tell her what happened with Nina. She thinks Nina will be soon over Raphael. Dambi tells that Hyun didn't bring any cupcakes. You try to call Hyun, but he didn't answer the phone. The story will speed up to the end of the day, and you go home. When you got home, Hyun isn't there. He came home an hour later. He got up in his business. And the other orders. And that why he didn't make to bring the cupcakes. Hyun and you have a fight about you don't see much of each other anymore. You two decide to go on a date at the restaurant, the day after tomorrow. The next day will fly by, and then you are on the day of the date. You get up and go to the café. Nina seems to be normal again, and you get a call from Dan to meet him. So you go to him. Dan wants you to own more than one gallery. I turned him down. He's saying that he is disappointed, but that it won’t change the partnership. You go back to the café. When you are at the café, you see Eric and Nathaniel. Everything is going well with Nath's case. He will be away for a few days with the undercover thing. And then they should be able to arrest them. Nath goes away to case. You go outside. When you are outside, you get a call from Hyun. He can't make it to the date. He just got a huge urgency order. So he can't come tonight. You go back inside. Nina goes home, and you handle the café until the end of the day. At closing time, you will see Eric. Eric asks for a coffee. While he waits for the coffee, he helps to close the café. Eric says that he can go in Hyun’s place to the restaurant. So you two go to the restaurant. At the restaurant, you tell Eric why you needed the night out with Hyun. But now in stead you have a nice evening with a friend. After diner, I choose to walk home and then the episode ends.

#mclll #MCL #my candy love #love life #episode 10 #mclll hyun #mcl hyun #hyun #spoilers #nina #mcl nina #mclll nina

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bloody-bee-tea · 6 years ago

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Match Me Up

And the second day for Teen Wolf ‘Cest Week! The prompt was Dating App Mishaps. You can read it here on AO3 or watch out for the read more.

~*~*~

Derek was staring at his phone. He distantly thought that this might be a bad idea, the app had asked for his age several times now, and it made Derek nervous to lie about his age and pretend he was already over eighteen. But he was also determined, because he had seen Peter use this specific app, had seen him swipe left more than right, thank god, and Derek had to set up his own profile.

Peter had never responded to his flirting, had never even indicated that he noticed Derek’s attempts, and Derek was getting desperate. He just wanted to be with Peter, and he was running out of ideas.

He hesitated a moment before he confirmed his sign-up and then he was officially the owner of a dating app profile. Derek guessed he was lucky it wasn’t Grindr or something else.

Derek had left his profile vague for now, because he didn’t know what would get him matched with Peter. The only things he had seen on Peter’s profile were his location and that he was looking for someone younger his own gender, so Derek added his own location and added that he was looking for an older man.

He had set his age at eighteen, seeing as that was the youngest you could be on the app, and he hoped that it was enough to get matched with Peter.

Derek was immediately matched with several guys, but he swiped left on all of them, after carefully making sure that they weren’t Peter. Derek had swiped left on almost twenty guys, losing hope already, before he got Peter as a suggestion.

He only hesitated a second before he swiped right, too excited to believe this was happening, and his heart almost tripped over itself when Peter had apparently swiped right on him, too.

Derek tried to tell himself that it didn’t mean much, because his profile pic deliberately didn’t show his face, just his chin and chest, and Peter could have swiped right for any number of reasons.

Derek checked out Peter’s profile as soon as he could, lingering a long moment over of the picture Peter used, because it was highlighting his blue eyes and thick neck and Derek was goddamn weak for that, and then he quickly matched his profile to fit better to Peter’s.

Then he hesitated for a long moment over the message icon, because he wasn’t sure how to even start this conversation. He was awkward in real life, not good with words, and Derek knew that it translated through text as well.

And he desperately didn’t want to turn Peter off.

Eventually he clicked on the icon, and then he didn’t know what to write. He started a few times, typing out greetings in hopes of making a good first impression, but everything he came up with sounded stupid even too himself.

You’re a shy one, huh? Peter wrote him first, and Derek flushed when he realized that Peter could see when he was typing.

Kinda, Derek replied honestly and then smacked his forehead. This wouldn’t end well, Derek could already tell.

Adorable. I like that, came Peter’s reply and Derek’s heart fell.

Derek was shy in real life, too, and if Peter didn’t like that when it came to Derek, maybe he didn’t like Derek at all. No matter what Derek sometimes thought he smelled on Peter.

Derek didn’t quite know how to keep the conversation going, but Peter made it easy on him. He kept a steady stream of messages and questions going, teasing, flirty little things that made Derek blush on more than one occasion, but replying was a lot easier than coming up with something to say himself.

You ever been in love, little one? Peter asked him a few days later and it was so close to being called pup by Peter that Derek’s heart ached.

Yeah, Derek admitted.

Did you tell him?

No. I’ve tried to hint, but I think he doesn’t feel the same way about me, Derek wrote, and he was surprised at how much it hurt to finally put it into words that Peter didn’t want him back.

What an idiot, came Peter’s reply and Derek flung the phone onto his bed.

He wondered why he ever thought this was a good idea; how he had convinced himself that talking to Peter like this wouldn’t just hurt, but in the end, he sighed and retrieved his phone. Peter and he were close, always had been, but this was the first time they talked like this. Derek didn’t know if he could stop.

Are you still there? Was the last message Peter had sent and Derek quickly replied with a Yes, sorry.

He faltered over his next question, but he wanted to know, he needed to know, and he figured that after this he at least would know.

Have you been in love?

Yes, Peter replied after a lengthy pause. But it will never happen, so it doesn’t matter.

It still matters.

Maybe. Let’s not talk about it anymore.

Derek wanted to point out that it was Peter who had started this kind of questions, but he let it slide. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear more about this person Peter was in love with.

A small part of Derek hoped that maybe Peter was talking about him, but he didn’t dare to hope. He had been hoping for so long, and he was getting tired of it.

Still, he kept talking to Peter, kept responding to his flirting and teasing, and he refused to notice that Peter looked happier lately; smiled more and was almost glued to his phone. He acted like he was in love with David as Derek had called himself on the app and Derek was torn between raging and yelling, and clinging to his phone just as desperately.

They had swapped more than one picture at this point, but Derek was always careful to keep his face out of his, and not to have any recognizable things in his background. Peter was understanding of that, hadn’t pressed Derek once he said that he didn’t feel comfortable putting his face out in the internet and that had been that.

Derek felt bad for deceiving Peter like that, and that feeling got worse the longer he kept the charade up, but as much as Peter obviously liked talking to him, Derek loved talking to him too. He didn’t want this to end.

It felt like Derek had gotten to know a Peter on the internet he hadn’t known before and it stung to know that Peter had kept so many parts of himself a secret from Derek. Peter had talked about going to college, getting a different degree than what he already had, pursuing his dreams, and Derek had never even known that Peter was unhappy in the pack, with his position, with what Talia asked of him. But now that he knew, it was hard not to just walk up to Peter and hug him and tell him to do what he wanted, what he loved; but Derek knew he couldn’t do that.

Peter had asked him once if Derek wanted to meet, but Derek had blocked that off as well, because he wasn’t ready to lose Peter. He didn’t know if he ever would be.

~*~*~

Derek screwed up on accident.

He noticed it as soon as he sent the picture, saw the telling family picture in the background and there was no way in hell Peter wouldn’t see it and wouldn’t put it together. It didn’t even matter that Derek still hadn’t shown his face.

Derek rushed to tug his pants back up, he had sent a picture with his sweatpants so indecently low they almost, barely, showed off the base of his dick, and put on a shirt again. Derek had just managed both of these things when Peter was already walking into his room.

He seemed tense and unhappy, phone clutched in one hand and Derek’s heart sank. He had lost every chance he might have ever had with Peter.

“What the fuck have you been doing?” Peter wanted to know, voice dangerously low and Derek couldn’t look at him.

“Talking to you,” he muttered, and he could hear the phone creak in Peter’s grip.

“You’re underage! Have you been putting your photos out there all this time? Do you even know how dangerous that is?”

At that Derek finally looked up, because Peter sounded worried and hurt more than he sounded angry.

“I saw you use the app. I just—I only talked to you on there,” Derek lowly explained, and he saw Peter’s eyes widen.

“You knew it was me all along. You had to, because my face is right there in the picture,” Peter snapped. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Derek almost sobbed out. “You never responded to my flirting, you never even looked at me twice, and you had to know I want you. You could at least have told me off, but you didn’t, and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You kept this going for months, Derek.”

“I love you. And you talked to me like you never did when you thought it was me, and I just. I wanted to never stop talking to you. I’m sorry,” Derek choked out and he curled up small on his bed, slung his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes and wishing desperately he could close his ears too.

“Oh, pup,” Peter whispered, and Derek heard him step close and he startled when Peter pushed his fingers through Derek’s hair, scratching lightly at the back of his neck.

“Don’t call me that,” Derek miserably said, and Peter huffed.

“Would you prefer it if I continued to call you little one?” Peter softly asked and Derek could feel rage well up in him.

“I want you to stop pretending like you care,” he yelled out and then his breath stuttered when Peter quickly sat down on the bed and pulled Derek into his arms.

“But I can’t,” Peter whispered into his hair. “I’m not pretending. I never have. I just didn’t realize you really wanted me. You’re a teenager, you’re supposed to want everyone.”

“I only want you, though,” Derek told him, and Peter kissed Derek’s temple.

“I’m beginning to see that,” Peter replied. “You know, I’m actually impressed. You were really sly, setting up a profile like that, specifically to match mine.”

Derek couldn’t help the small smile when he heard how proud Peter sounded, and he burrowed further into Peter’s chest.

“I didn’t really think you would continue to talk to me, though.”

“I love you, no matter where we talk. I always thought you seemed kind of familiar,” Peter admitted. “And I loved it, because I could pretend that it was you.”

“You could always just talk to me,” Derek said with a pout, thinking back to all the things Peter had told him that Derek never even knew about.

“Derek, I love you and I thought you didn’t feel the same. Talking to you was never quite that easy for me.”

“Oh,” Derek breathed out and Peter chuckled.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Oh is right.”

“But—you can talk to me now,” Derek tried. “Because now you know, right?” Derek asked, afraid that Peter would still tell him no.

“Yeah, darling, now I know,” Peter gave back and nuzzled Derek’s cheek.

Derek pressed into the contact, smiled when he felt Peter’s lips all over the side of his face, and when Peter came close to his lips, Derek turned his head, meeting Peter’s lips with a low whine.

“Shh, it’s alright now, pup,” Peter whispered against his lips and Derek surged forward, pressing their lips together more firmly.

They didn’t really get to talk that day, but neither of them cared about that much.

#bt writes #deter drabble #deter #twcaw2019 #dating app mishap #getting together

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andrewiam · 6 years ago

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TMI: Daddy $

Anon asked me for another story time and I’m horny atm, so here you go

Last year, when I was still single and on grindr looking for a quick fix, I got a message, early morning, from a profile that just had a rose as a picture and an age of 47. All he sent me was a rose emoji and some dollar signs. I was a bit bored, so I engaged and asked him what he was looking for and how generous he was feeling. Told me that he was here for business and was ok with paying for some young hole. He sent me some pics of his manhood and asked to see my ass.

I usually don’t hook up without seeing a guy’s face first, but I was getting hard from what he had sent me: a good 7″ long and decently thick with a big bush daddy cock leaking for a younger hole. I sent him some ass and body pics and he gave me his hotel address to meet him.

Driving there, my heart was pounding and my cock leaking. I’d never been with a daddy before. At the time I was only beginning to explore my daddy and hairy kinks through porn; I wasn’t sure I was ready to actually follow through. My hormones said otherwise though, as I pulled up to the small Hilton with a wet spot forming on my gym shorts.

Walking quickly through the entrance way and nodding to the staff, I made my way to the elevators and down the halls to the daddy’s room. My breath catching, I knocked on his door.

The daddy cracked it open and seeing it was me, stood aside to let me in. Walking past him, I put my stuff down next to the neatly made queen bed and felt strong hands wrap around my back. R (let’s call him R), held me close and I was suddenly aware of just how big he was not only in cock size but in body. He dwarfed me. White and definitely upper 40′s he stood at least 6′ tall and was also about 1.5-2x wider than me. I felt his bulge straining against his khaki pants (it seemed he had been dressed for work) and started to get hard again.

The size, age, cock, and hair difference was turning me on. I was in a bear hug of massive daddy who wanted nothing more than to make me his little sub bottom.

Soon, he released me and turned me around to appraise me. R smiled and told me to take off my shirt so he could get a look at me. Replying with “yes daddy”, I stripped and was rewarded with an eyebrow raise and a twitch from his very obvious bulge. His rough, older hands ran up and down my smooth torso, making light lines and circling around my nipples. Clearly picking up on my kink he quietly growled “So you like daddies...boy? You wanna feel daddy fill that tight, little pussy?” as he pinched my nipples.

Moaning,I nodded and intoned a yes.

“Good boy”, he smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder, pushing down, “Now please daddy”.

I dropped to my knees as he unbuttoned and pulled off his pants. Leaving his boxers on, he pulled my face close to his bulge. He smelled of a recent shower, but with a manly musk too. Stroking him over his underwear, I looked up from his crotch, begging for access to his thick manhood. He obliged me and pushed his boxers down halfway so the massive shaft sprung out. My mouth watered; it was easily closer to 8 than 7 and very hairy, untrimmed. Quickly, I took him into my mouth gagging when I got halfway down. He moaned and let his head fall back while keeping his hand on the back of my head. “That’s a good boy...fuckkk...” he muttered as I worshiped his cock. It filled my mouth deliciously, sliding to the back of my throat and down it as I tried to take more and more of his 8″ length.

He commanded me to look up at him as he slowly thrust into my mouth and began unbuttoning his dress shirt. As he undid the last button and let it fall away, I beheld a man’s chest. A real daddy. He wasn’t just hairy around his cock, but everywhere. It rolled like a smooth carpet over his belly and thickened around his pecs, dark and inviting me to play with it. I reached up to stroke what I could reach and he kept up the dirty talk.

“Yeah, you like that, boy? Feeling a real man’s chest? Daddy’s hairy body? You want that on you? You wanna feel it brushing up on your smooth boy body as Daddy fills you?”

Mouth filled with cock, I looked up at him and moaned my affirmative as I ran my hands through his pubes and up his stomach. “Get up,” he commanded, “On all fours on the bed”. I obeyed and was rewarded with a warm, wet feeling as R’s big hands reached down, spread my cheeks and made room for his tongue. Moaning, I dirty talked back as he ate me out. “Fuck daddy...ahhh...that feels..uhhh...so good on my boy pussy”.

Encouraged, he picked up the pace, tongue fucking my hole in between taking breaks to reply. “You want daddy in this tight pussy, boy? Fuck I’m gonna stretch your smooth little hole out. Lemme hear you beg for Daddy’s hung cock”. Beg I did as I let out moan after moan as he ate my ass like a beast, pulling my hole open and sliding his tongue as far as he could inside.

As I lay face down, ass up on the bed, I felt something hard and flexible poke at my entrance. Daddy R had decided he couldn’t wait any longer and was fingering me to loosen me up. He spat and slowly slid a finger inside me, grunting as I moaned and whined and gasped at the intrusion. He pulled me up and wrapped an around around my neck from behind, kissing my neck and sliding even deeper into me. Whispering in my ear as he added another finger, “If you can barely handle daddy’s fingers, are you sure you can take daddy’s cock?”. I nodded and gave him more moans to show him that I was into it and going to try.

He pushed his two fingers all the way to his knuckles inside me, tweaking my spot and eliciting urgent, animalistic moans from me. “Show me that pussy, boy” he growled and let me fall back down, presenting my ass to this hairy, dominant alpha male.

I heard lube being squeezed and finally felt what I’d wanted all this time pushing at my hole. With one hand on my hip, another grasping and aiming his 8″ shaft, I felt him enter me, no condom. I gasped and pushed back, but he slid in deeper whispering “Don’t worry, I’m clean and on prep, I won’t cum inside”. I relaxed a bit and he used it to slide another inch or two in, stretching my pussy. “Fuck, boy, that pussy is tight...you should see it,” he said. There was a pause and I heard a shutter snap as he took an above photo on his phone. I turned and looked as he showed me the photo and felt my semi-hard cock stiffen. This pale, massive, hairy cock has half in my hole, being gripped tightly by my ass as it struggled to adjust. It was enough to get me leaking and begging again.

Daddy R put his phone down and resumed sliding in me, inch by inch, kissing my back and telling me what a good submissive boy I was as I gasped. I felt his pubes brush my ass as he fully filled me and grunted in satisfaction. I was taking this monster daddy cock and it felt amazing.

His guiding hand drifted to my other hip and he began slowly thrusting into me. I gripped the covers and moaned along with him as he increased his pace, always praising me and telling me how much Daddy R was enjoying my ass. I went full face down and stroked myself as he got into his rhythm, alternating between long, deep strokes and quick, brutal thrusts as he pulled my hips into his hairy pubes. His huge, bare cock filled my hole to the limit, making me scream when he’d push deep.

“Crawl forward” I was commanded and inched my way as he climbed on bed with me, never leaving my hole. Roughly, he pushed me onto my stomach and laid on top of me, getting deeper than ever before. I wriggled and screamed in both pain and pleasure as my gut was filled with daddy cock. The pain quickly faded as he again wrapped his arm around my neck and grinded into me. “This what you wanted boy? A thick daddy cock filling you? Feeling my chest hair on you? Little sub bitch, take it like a good boy” he breathed in my ear as he brutally pounded me, all thoughts of my comfort gone, consumed with his lust and need to seed a smaller, younger boy’s pussy.

I felt like I was on the verge of cumming hands free from all the stimulation. I could feel his thick chest hair on me, his cock deep inside me, and his dirty talk was sending me to horny heights I’ve never known before. Whimpering under the ferocious pounding, “Daddy..I’m...gonna..cummm”. He slowed his thrusting and I could feel his grin behind me. “Not like this you’re not”.

Manhandling me, he rolled over and pulled me with him, ending with me sitting on him. I turned towards him and saw him with his hands behind his head. “I know you like Daddy’s hair...play with it and cum”.

My hands moved to stroke myself, but he slapped them away. “Only I get to play with that”. Obeying, I bounced on his manhood while I ran my hands through his thick, manly fur. He grasped my cock and held a circle, letting me fuck his hand as he thrust up into me. I was already so close it didn’t take long before I was panting. “yeah, boy, just like that, let me see you cum to daddy fucking you”. I felt it swelling and filled myself deep with his cock as I shot all over his chest. Shot after shot pumped out, splattering him with my pent up load.

Breathing hard, I was abruptly pulled off his thickness and pushed to have my face by it. My last ride had gotten him so close and he furiously stroked himself before blowing his thick seed all over my face, arching his back in pleasure as shots of cum drenched me.

Daddy R pulled me back up to him and motioned for me to snuggle into his broad chest. We laid like that, small twink and large man for a few minutes, recovering, before he looked at the clock.

Politely, he said he had to go to a meeting and let me get dressed. Handing me what he promised as I walked out the door, he thanked me and closed it to get himself cleaned off.

Honestly...after a fuck like that...I would have done it for free.

#tmi #this is all daddy kink stuff #it's long too

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nyruratchet · 6 years ago

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Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry, So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again.

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”. But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.” Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening) But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies! Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me.

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel.

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning. Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

#valentines #love #unrequited love #dating #relationships #wine #sexy #fantasy #blog #broadway #feelings #mental health #survival

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