#yes finally I can call this a true shitpost

[veggiukabu]

Among the many ideas I've sketched, and enough time for creating something good with this school computer.

I chose to draw him shitting.

Yes, I drew this with a computer mouse, so sorry that it looks weird asf😔😔

[chimerapartyhouse]

Got to experiance the Pen's Marriage mod quest and HOLY WHAT THEY DID AN AMAZING JOB. It has inspired so much brainrot in me now that I can have my true pairing together again. The two together simultaneously make each other feral and calmer. So I'm dumping the shitposts I wrote here.

Ruber-Roseus says:

"Was told yer were beating up inmates constantly. Why they'd think letting yer near anyone was a good idea I don't know... (quietly) Good lad." 

"Oh look, I get to return the favour finally. We're now a couple who wears matching clothes. Congrats." 

"Gunna need two copies of yer book. One for yer to sign, the other ta bash yer nogging with." 

"Hate to break it to yer Honey, but the big not-bandit has the hots for me. Take from that info what yer want." 

"...Yes, I would love to sit on yer back as you do push ups. Missed you." 

"People in town refuse to talk to me cause of this mess. Thanks by the way."

(Pen trying to bite him in public) "Bad dog!" 

"I should 'ave asked Avery for a paycheck for this." 

"I'D THROW YA TO THE PERIPHERIES BUT THEN I'D FEEL BAD FOR EVERY LIVING THING THERE!" 

"That's it, hold my hand. I'm not letting go till yeh behave." 

"Grace is going to kill me if Logan doesn't first." 

"Get OFF ME. SomEONE here actually has a job that pays BILLS."

"Yes, you're hot. Yes, I love your muscles, looks, hair, jawline, voice. All your stuff. But please behave in public, you've traumatised Burgess more than enough already." 

"I would threaten to tie you up but I know that's not a threat to you." 

"Fine, instead I'll tie you up, have my fun, and leave you there." (Threat works.) 

"Been wanting to introduce you to my Ma but what would I even tell her now?!" 

"Let me sit on your lap and cuddle me, Kitten. Work was exhausting." 

"If you get us banned from the Blue Saloon one day I will never forgive you." 

"Honey, please get yer hand off me ass." 

Pen forgoing his usual tracksuit for more revealing clothing cause he's cover in certain kinds of bruises. 

(Pull out a stool, places it in front of Pen, stands on it.) "Now listen here ya little-" 

"You're lucky I love you so much, and that others hold me back, or else I'd be the one in prison." 

Finding Ruber passing out at stupid times from exhaustion turns from funny to sad real fast. Worse so when Pen learns why it keeps happening. 

"I can't even torture you in normal ways. I could threaten suffocation and you'd just go 'mh, yes please'."

"It is an actual miracle that no one has seriously tried to separate us. Maybe we mellow each other out enough that it's not worth it." 

"I wonder if it's possible to teach Rosy how to cook cause I'm scared of what you'll do to my precious kitchen if you use it." 

(Pen and Rosy getting envious of each other.) "Ladies, I love you both dearly."

Punishes Pen by slipping in really hot chilli pepper into his food. Not Duvos Pepper levels, but it does the job when he's done something seriously bad. 

"Something may have slipped out during a talk with Pablo. So sorry if the town acts weirder than usual soon." 

"For the last time, stop reading that damn book my Ma gave ya! I thought you didn't want kids anyway?!" 

"You can big-talk all you want, you've still never beaten me at whack-a-mole." 

"Sorry, being pretty is exhausting." (Collapses into Pen's arms.) 

"There are days where I wonder, 'what if?'. And then see your ass and immediately dismiss the idea." Pen: Do you mean me or my- (muffled squeak) "I mean your glorious globes." (Slapped his ass.) 

Ruber laying his head on Pen's chest. "You can say your heart is unbeating all you want. I can hear it calling for me." 

"If you make one more 'rabbit in heat' joke I'm sending you back to prison." 

"My Crystal, I promise I'm no longer interested in Justice. If it helps, I would have kicked your ass to the curb long ago if it were the case. You can also talk to Pablo too, that man will never stop interfering with my love life." 

"Snow Leopard, Pablo and Vivi agreed to help me make a new custom wardrobe for yer. It's your turn to be the dress up doll."

[jeannereames]

Do you see memes and shitposts about Alexander and his time? If yes, do you like them, you hate them? Would you change something about these memes?

I’m sorry. I’m just really curious about what a professor thinks about this. Do you perhaps have a favorite Alexander meme?

Well, for me there’s a big difference between memes and shitposts. The former can be rather entertaining, the latter are just trolling. Don’t feed the trolls. I realize I’m perhaps defining shitposting more narrowly than some, but there’s enough of the narrow sort out there I don’t want to confuse it with memes.

Meme are great. I have two favorites, although not about Alexander, ironically. I’ve shared them below. Both show up in my class Power-points, btw! Many of my colleagues also enjoy clever memes. My buddy Borja Antela was trying to collect some on Alexander last year. For a while, I followed Alexandergoatmemes on Instagram, but finally left because about 85/90% of them seemed to be about Alexander naming cities after himself. Sure, it’s funny maybe the first 20 times, but at 100+?

So memes are great. Shitposting and ignorant-posting, however, are annoying.

I’m deliberately creating that third category. Shitposters know they’re posting shit; ignorant-posters (usually) don’t. The latter put up videos, tweets, or blog entries about (in this case) Alexander that perpetuate a lie, a false quote, or an oversimplified-and-mostly-wrong factoid. Some ignorant-posters are just reposting what they heard because they don’t know any better and may receive correction well enough—especially if offered politely. Yet others get upset (sometimes disproportionately so) when their errors or distortions are pointed out.

This can be about controversial matters, such as Alexander’s putative “sexuality” or it can be something surprising. I once had a fellow fly off the handle when he posted that Alexander was left-handed and I (gently) corrected him.* You’d have thought I’d called his mother a whore. It seemed quite silly…except that left-handedness used to be considered a Very Bad Thing. So being able to claim famous people as lefties was apparently more for him than just leftie pride.

Aside from oddities, most of the ignorant-posting I’ve seen comes in three main types.

First, we have the religious/spiritual/life-coach sorts who usurp Alexander for a moral lesson—not unlike the orators of the (Roman-era) Second Sophistic, or both Muslims and Christians in some of the Alexander Romances. Alexander has ALWAYS been a malleable figure for lecturing. Ergo, he pops up in homilies/sermons as a parable, like his supposed Last Three Wishes. It is, of course, total bullshit, but there’s quite a lot of stuff like it out there. People read it, go “Aww,” and reblog without bothering to check if it’s correct. It has “the authority of hearsay.” These can be either Alexander-positive or Alexander-negative parables, btw.

See also: quotes attributed to famous celebrities that they never, in fact, said. Alexander gets these too. The ¡Inspirational! “Army of Sheep Led by a Lion” is especially egregious, as it’s a general proverb that appeared well after Alexander (no, he didn’t say it). It seems to be currently popular, along with, “There is nothing impossible to him who will try” (also not ATG). Yet these make great quotes for those damn “Inspirational Posters.” Here’s a whole page of them, lion quote right at the top, suitable for a Power-point!...with no attempt to verify their authenticity or say where they got them. But the image with the quote below is especially funny as they even put a date on their fictional quote. If it has a date, it must be true! Netflix, btw, used that bloody quote even though I told them not to; it was fake. Didn’t matter.

Second, we have the alt-right/white supremacist groups, or hangers-on who might reject the label (coyly or not) but embrace much of its Eurocentric thinking. These folks present Alexander as spreading good [white] Western values to the poor benighted East [brown people]. It’s essentially warmed-over Plutarch with a dash of Curtius and some Arrian. Their Alexander even sometimes has longish flowing (blond) locks and is oddly tall.** Like Thor. I stay the hell away from them but have occasionally stumbled over them on Tik-Tok.

Anyway, the alt-right crowd may have read some about Alexander, written by other alt-right guys who take material from a carefully curated set of “accepted” histories: Arrian and Plutarch, and not just Plutarch’s Life of Alexander, but his double-essay from the Moralia, “On the Fate or Fortune of Alexander.” They tend to be war/conquest-approving and see the Greco-Roman past as some pure Aryan utopia from which we’ve fallen into our “wretched age of iron.”*** Of late, a lot of their associated images are AI generated, btw. A couple examples below.

Last, and on the opposite end of the spectrum are the Alexander-was-Queer-AND-Wonderful, and oh, boy, some of them also don’t want a single bad thing said about their hero. They may know relatively little about his life aside from his putative gayness, but are just as resistant to/resentful of being corrected in their errors and romantic oversimplifications.

And that is what all of these categories share: oversimplification for the sake of a particular social and/or political agenda.****

Isn’t it, then, also shitposting? No. Because shitposters intend to stir the pot. They may or may not believe what they say, but they’re saying it TO get a reaction. Like the Tweet Heard Round the Alexander-verse after the Netflix thing (below). THAT was a shitpost. His entire goal was to go viral, and he succeeded.

By contrast, ignorant-posters usually aim for a particular audience and rarely expect to go viral outside their circle. Nor do they expect to be corrected. When they are, they react with surprise and anger. (Again, there are exceptions.)

I tend to observe these things, but rarely engage—although I did engage more when I was a young grad student. Now if I reply, it’s general (as here), not to the original post/tweet itself. TBH, I have books and articles to write, classes to teach, and papers to grade. 😉 I don’t have time for flamewars.

-----------------------

* Yes, I made Alexander left-handed in Dancing with the Lion, partly for the hell of it. But there’s zero evidence one way or the other—which I point out in my Author’s Note at the end of book 2, Rise.

** BTW, there’s a Whole Thing out there online about Alexander as tall, even Super Tall, claiming evidence which they don’t actually cite (correctly). Note the “many stories suggest….” Oh, really? These are? Anyway, I don’t think the author of that blog entry is alt-right—which is why I put it as a footnote—but dig the wacko AI white-haired Nordic Alexander at the top! And I’m still chuckling at a 7-foot-tall Alexander. Good Lord, how tall would that make Hephaistion?

*** Yeah, that’s a little bow to Hesiod’s theory of the Ages of Man.

**** Note that I didn’t include Greek Nationalists. While some of them also swing right (Golden Dawn, Front Line, National Reform Party, etc.), many are more moderate. Alexander is a Greek hero, and if what’s presented about him by some is also oversimplified to fit a national narrative, it doesn’t spring from ignorance so much as deliberate choice and what they learned in school/at home. Think about what the average (white) American knows about George Washington or Thomas Jefferson, or for that matter, the average native person about Tecumseh or Crazy Horse.

[emleeeeeeeeee]

chaps 500-501 sorry im late guys

okay so first thing even though it might be obvious i feel like vin and taejin have had such a parallel life if that makes sense? like obviously taejin was bought up with everything and anything that he wanted (and taught that everything was his) and we did see at the start that he was decently kind(?) to vin as a child, but only bc he viewed vin as his property. we do see this like attitude start changing as he grows up tho, where he doesnt see the need to treat his 'property' aka other ppl well anymore (rip sujin) and really just takes what he wants from them. he also really just wants everything to be his at this point, as seen when he's like excited at his father's death bc it means that he has more power. so vin has obviously had like a very traumatic childhood, but somehow vin and taejins lives still seem very in parallel

especially in that scene bc its like showing their attachment(idk how else to describe it) to cheonliang, but for starkly different reasons. wait more like how they're both fighting for cheonliang, but while vin(and the other ppl sry idk what theyre called) are fighting purely for the memory of sujin and seongji(rip), taejin is fighting so that he can claim it as his AS SEEN WHEN THE LITTLE BITCH SHOWS UP WHEN THEYRE DECIDING THE LEADER.

OMG THE DISRESPECT I CANT. I WANT TO PUT HIM INTO A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER. (writing this i have to keep reminding myself that the way he acts is a result of his upbringing BUT STILL DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS RIUGSDFHJKNXMCSDFJKX)

YES VIN I SUPPORT YOU PULL THAT BITCH APART

okay ive literally never hated goo more than in this moment. like yes i knew he was a fucking psychopath that didnt care abt anyone other than himself but ykkkkkkk i was hoping it wouldnt apply to characters that i cared abt??(this is how im going to get into a toxic relationship and end up on a true crime podcast)

behold the queen herself mary kim. also possibly the best female character ptj has written imo (maybe zoe as well)

OMG THE TANGHULU BOUQUET ISTG ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL MAKE TANGHULU THEN MAKE A BOUQUET AND GIVE SEONGJI A FUNERAL (help i think im getting too obsessed i have work to do and im here doing this)

OUR FRESHLY GLOWED UP MC IS BACKKKK. i honestly cant tell if its his new or old body at this point someone pls tell me its not just me

thats a bit interesting. i still think that goo is going to be the one to die (but im not as attached to him anymore cuz otherwise taejin would be dead IF NOT FOR HIM) but gun definitely looks kinda depressed in this frame after the whole yk chaps 479-480 soooo idk whats gonna happen. even tho chap 502 is out im just gonna finish my work first and get back to you guys. but cheonliang arc finally ended!!!! and now we hopefully get to see jake kims brother who is like fiiinnneeeee (and a cannibal but whatever im colourblind i dont see red flags)lmao i love how this post just started with like an essay opening and dissolved into shitposting. anyways love you guys prob gonna post again sooooonnnn <33333

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

House of the dragon short read a summery for all those who have forgotten for season 2 and totally true to the facts and how it happened.

This might be the most chaotic shitpost recap I've ever seen.

Viserys: Nah I want a son.

Rhaenyra: Noo father I'm just as goooood.

Daemon: You have meeeee.

Viserys: No I want a son. Gimme one.

Aemma: nooo now I must dieeee. Here's your son tho.

Viserys; Aemma my uwu nooo

Baelon: FATHER I AM UR SON

viserys: yes u are uwu u are so cute lets make photos.

Maester: sire u should back off and let the kid breath Sire, no do not bring out the tide pods. Sire...SIRE!!!!

viserys: I'm off now that I have my photos for my dragongran with him and his first tidepod! This will bring in the likes and defeat Daemons unholy post.

Maester:*kills child* I hate targaryens I hate them I hate them I hate them. Stupid ugly white haired ppl

Baelon: well fuck you too you cunt. You think I want to be in this family? Ha. Jokes on you.

Viserys: NOOO MY SOON SOB SOB WHO DID THISSS

daemon: LETS FUCKING GOO IM THE TRUE HEIR YALL BETTER REMEMBER THIS. DRINKS ON THE TAP OF THE CROWN. THATS ME ANYWAY HAHA FUCK U BAELON U LOSER FOR ONE DAY.

Daemon when appearing for vizzy: Look we all make goofs & errors what's most important is where our hearts are at.

Viz: I'm convinced you have no heart!

Daemon: NAAAAAAH U CANT. IM UR HEIR

Viz: I already have a child. U are a child daemon. U are just not mine

Guards: OOOOOOHHHH

Viz: daemon you know where the trash goes. Follow it.

Viserys: I still want my boii

Aegon: I AM HERE FATHER. LOVE ME.

VISERYS: what the fuck are you. You can't be my son why ur hair like that.

Alicent: husband I'm like 17 and I got u a son. Ur other wifey failed to do that. Us hightowers have curls. Its a curse and a blessing.

Otto: maybe it's magic, maybe it's Hightower genetics.

Rhae: rude ass bitch all of you. Look at how cute he is. He's my baby brother I will protect him. SAY RHAERHAE

alicent: rhae he came out me a moment ago he can't talk yet.

Aegon: (as a baby to his sister) I am the superior one and u should fetch me a snack in the kitchen, you white haired wench.

Rhae:*handing back Aegon* nah u can have this shit back. Do us all a favour next time just go the targaryen way and let it die.

(We light the way)

Vizzy: I wanna fuck u (to alicent)

Alicent:( alright its my duty.

The most unpassionate scene:

Aemond, happily making his entrance in the show as a sperm: WIEEEEEE! Hahaha thank you gods, I won't let you down. I will bring chaos into this family!!!!

The gods; good, our little apprentice. Good.

Rhaenyra: I'm so sneaky hehe

Daemon and rhae rhae: *almost fuck each other*

Daemon: wait I can't I suddenly decided I have morals and standards. Also u just a child tf.

Rhaerhae: no what is this? Fuck you I'm nailing that dornish snack as if he's a lose screw in a IKEA shelf

Daemon: No not Crispin! Get baaaack

Rhaerha: Too late

Crispin: Ah yes. My fantasy is finally coming true!!!!

Crispin: My queen forget ur pathetic kingdom full of incest and forget that old fuck that is your father. Let us depart on a ship and start a life that will not raise questions at all with your hair and our new found riches.

Rhae: I am listening.

Crispin: We can sell...oranges

Rhae; Nah fuck this shit where are the bananas. I love bananas. U should go with your oranges if that makes you happy. Pathetic fruit picker. This is why my uncle bested u. If you relied on bananas none of this would have happened.

Crispin: Rhae rhae..

Rhae: NAH have u even tried defeating a yiga clan member with a orange? You never played zelda did you? And you call yourself a warrior? Out of my sight.

Crispin: but I love u. Why would you sit a comfortable throne instead of working your ass off with me in the fields?:(

Rhae: Honey I never worked a day in my life and I intend to keep that tradition.

Helaena at some point: MHEEWWWWHH

Alicent: he said he wanted a son, so zip it.

Helaena:*cries*

Rhae rhae: Kidnap me, make me your wife and slay my father's guards.

Viserys who can read their lips and understand Valyrian: What kind of wattpad fanfic is this shit. What's next Harry styles flying in on dragonback?

Harry styles: HELLO WESTEROS. THIS IS FOR OUR PRINCESS. ALL OF YOU; WATERMALEON SUGAR. HIGGGGGH.

Crowd: HIIGGGGGH.

Aemond in Alicents belly: Grgg *DEMONIC NOISES*

Alicent: why does rhaenyra get Harry styles and I all I get is traumas and struggles. Also why is prince daemon and her acting out duncon fics when I INTRODUCED RHAE RHAE TO WATTPAD AND HE GAVE ME HIS FAVOUR I HATE THIS AHHH.

Alicent; why am i so angry... I don't understand.

Aemond in her belly: MOAHAHAHA IT WORKS.

Ser Harwin strong; I really should not. It is against the rules.

Rhae rhae: *breathes*

Harwin: If they cut off my cock I still got my fingers-

---

Time skip

Aegon: I don't know what happened but suddenly I'm borderline rapist and I'm also a drunk and like long legged people because it reminded me of dinosaurs and I got that phase when my father still loved me.

Aemond: I'm kind of cute and sympathetic but you will hate me later. It's OK. I will get over it ;)

Helaena: I am the mighty seer. I know all. OOH SPIDERS.

---

Vhagar: (dreaming) a big strong dragon approaches vhagar and courts her with a beheaded child corpse. She takes it and they mate.

Vhagar, waking up: WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY DREAMS?!

aemond; shit she's so big

Vhagar:*pulling a knife* WANT TO REPEAT THAT.

Aemond: uhm no ma'am! May I...May I ride you

Vhagar; NO :) *goes to sleep*

Aemond: shit shit...

Aemond: OBEY.

vhagar; WHAT IS WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS WAKING ME UP. FIRST LAENA NOW YOU. LAENA HAS NOT EVEN MET SEBASTIAN YET UNDER THE SEA. DO YOU MIND IM MOURING HERE.

Aemond: I understand..

Aemond;...its just...

Aemond: the seaweed is always greener.

Vhagar: (sigh): in somebody else's lake

/

Don't ask.

I Don't know what the hell happend either.

[mourning-star-daily-comet]

FINALLY!! SOMEONE talking about the weird runaway blonde girl (Claire?) and the Nicholas Wilson boy case. I haven't been able to find ANYTHING on them for MONTHS!! my neighbors are starting to think I made the whole thing up!! I swear, true crime is never taken seriously as an interest. it seems even you haven't posted about the case in a while, has it gone cold? or have you heard any updates? do you have any sources you'd recommend I check out? the subreddit has gone to shit, unfortunately :/

finally somebody is talking about the subreddit! it's nothing but propaganda on there or memes and shitposts made by accounts i can guarantee have never even visited, much less lived here (which if we've somehow forgotten was the entire reason it was created??? its ridiculous but the mods are all inactive so they arent doing anything about it)

anyways, i dont like to say much about my personal life (for anonymity reasons) but since ive already seen speculation about it, i might as well address my inactivity. i was, like a few of you guessed, in custody for something unrelated that i won't get into. im hoping to be back posting now, but im still figuring a lot of stuff out legally so i'll be a lot less active.

now thats out of the way, yes, i have a very important update! the two of them were found around a month ago when a 911 call was placed about an empty car parked in the middle of the highway. claire was taken in for police questioning. ive gotten back in contact with one of my original sources, and though it hasnt been made public information yet, nicholas was not as at the time he was in critical condition due to injuries and was hospitalized. my souces claim that he was found with multiple broken bones as well as many smaller injuries. fortunately, he survived, so im hoping once he recovers he can finally give out the full story of what happened.

this is speculation but i definitely believe, due to the evidence that has been presented, that claire was the sole perpatrator of the crimes and nicholas was forced into joining her. the state he was found in is INSANELY suspicious, considering that sears died from head trauma. ive seen some people theorizing that he threatened to turn her in, so she attemped to kill him the same way. this would explain the fact that the car was so hastily parked in the middle of the road.

the only thing about this theory that doesn't add up is that he was also found to be in an extremely severe state of blood loss, though he did not have any major wounds that would cause this. the only other explanation i can come up with is that claire's attack wasn't sudden as people are believing, but deliberate, the blood loss pointing to him possibly suffering other injuries over the time they were on the run. this recontextualizes everything we know about the case but it is the only theory (that i've seen) which explains that aspect, since as far as i know no one else has the insider information that i do.

so though the case is still technically unsolved, it is relatively clear what happened and a basic timeline can be construed due to the line of events that we know took place. im hoping to hear nicholas's statement in the future. so far he has either refused or been unable to speak on the case.

ill make an update when we get more information

-msdc

[nicklloydnow]

“She had done nothing wrong. She had proud vulnerability … and there is a certain music industry hatred for singers who don’t ‘fit in’ (this I know only too well), and they are never praised until death - when, finally, they can’t answer back. The cruel playpen of fame gushes with praise for Sinead today … with the usual moronic labels of “icon” and “legend”. You praise her now ONLY because it is too late. You hadn’t the guts to support her when she was alive and she was looking for you. The press will label artists as pests because of what they withhold … and they would call Sinead sad, fat, shocking, insane … oh but not today! Music CEOs who had put on their most charming smile as they refused her for their roster are queuing-up to call her a “feminist icon”, and 15 minute celebrities and goblins from hell and record labels of artificially aroused diversity are squeezing onto Twitter to twitter their jibber-jabber … when it was YOU who talked Sinead into giving up … because she refused to be labelled, and she was degraded, as those few who move the world are always degraded. Why is ANYBODY surprised that Sinead O’Connor is dead? Who cared enough to save Judy Garland, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, Marilyn Monroe, Billie Holiday? Where do you go when death can be the best outcome? Was this music madness worth Sinead’s life? No, it wasn’t. (…) As always, the lamestreamers miss the ringing point, and with locked jaws they return to the insultingly stupid “icon” and “legend” when last week words far more cruel and dismissive would have done. Tomorrow the fawning fops flip back to their online shitposts and their cosy Cancer Culture and their moral superiority and their obituaries of parroted vomit … all of which will catch you lying on days like today … when Sinead doesn’t need your sterile slop.”

“I was surprised by my response to her death. It really has shaken me. I must admit I did not find it unexpected. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve been waiting for this. I feared this would happen. I understood what crisis she was in and I was very concerned and my biggest fear has come true. I can’t say I’m surprised. I really saw in Sinead a figurehead, a flag-bearer. And to have lost that, it feels devastating.

(…)

After Amy Winehouse died so much was made of Amy and her death — rightly, I hasten to add. But what is astounding to me and was a source of great frustration and indignance for me, is we had this incredible artist, we had Sinead O’Connor alive and well. Yes, she was struggling, but she was still a phenomenal artist, and yet she was ridiculed in the press.

She rarely got the kind of coverage that an artist of her caliber deserved. She just didn’t garner the kind of musical respect that she deserves. And it makes me so insane, that there’s been this outpouring of grief at her death. Which again, is so right and as it should be. And yet, she could have done with a lot of that support while she was alive. And I just don’t understand this phenomenon that when artists die, we all of a sudden revere them again and yet we forget about them whilst they’re alive because they’re not young and beautiful anymore.

Women, female artists, just get thrown to the side and aren’t treated with the reverence they deserve. And particularly with Sinead, it drove me insane. I just didn’t understand how she could be facing bankruptcy because she was struggling so much in an industry that’s so unforgiving and designed for the sort of young, appeasing, staged, trained pop star. And instead we had this true great that we just let die on a vine. It’s madness.

(…)

What happened to Sinead is just another example of what the world does to powerful women. I feel like the world destroyed Sinead O’Connor. She was so delicate. Yes, she was courageous and brave and fierce and powerful. But she was also really unbelievably fragile and sensitive. And the world just tossed her around and defiled her, and now we’ve lost somebody that we’ll not see the likes of, not in my lifetime. It’s so sad because she’s so often begged for help, and she was made fun of by the tabloids for a variety of occurrences in her later life. They vilified her for the way she looked. What the fuck is that? What business is it of anybody’s, how Sinead O’Connor chooses to look?

It was almost like people didn’t want to look at her. She was so perfect when she first emerged and everyone fell in love with her, and then she didn’t behave the way that the world wanted her to behave. And everyone turned away. And when they looked back, she had aged and people couldn’t stomach it. And so they rejected her entirely. Because she hadn’t gone and fixed herself in a Beverly Hills salon. She was raw and real and honest, and in some ways was a mirror to who we all are.

The media just couldn’t handle that. It was too much. They wanted her to be back in a pretty box, really looking cute with her little shaved head and her little pixie face. And singing an incredible love song, but she was so much more than that.

I think she knew she was loved in many regards, but I also think she was really sensitive and it must be painful to be laughed at for decisions that you’ve taken really seriously. When she identified with the Muslim faith, for a random example, the tabloids in Ireland and in Britain really had a heyday. I’m sure that was humiliating. It’s not fun. It doesn’t matter how experienced you are as an artist — to be made fun of in public, to be ridiculed, to have your photographs laughed at because you’re no longer like a plastic version of yourself? It’s no fun. It’s cruel and unnecessary.

And artists are artists for a reason. There’s a certain sensitivity that comes with being a person who’s willing to step out and perform and reveal themselves and expose themselves and offer themselves up to the public for consumption. It comes from an alarming sensitivity that is very raw and real and I think sometimes people who aren’t necessarily that sensitive are perplexed by the responses that they can induce in a sensitive person.

She was clearly in serious distress. At one point she went missing. People thought it was funny, and it wasn’t funny. It was somebody in deep distress begging for help, and again, she was facing bankruptcy. She had no money. She was just left to her own devices, this incredible creature who had made hundreds of millions of dollars for these massive corporations, who were nowhere to be seen.

It’s all done and dusted now, unfortunately, and, we’re left with this beautiful legacy, but it freaks me out thinking about how much torment she was in her whole life. But what was incredible about her spirit was she really had an amazing sense of humor by all accounts. Chrissie Hynde was saying yesterday that she was really a riot to hang around with. And my friend who Sinead had lived with for a year or so had sent me an amazing photograph of her flipping some flight attendant off who had been trying to discipline her on the plane for laughing too loud. So she was just a riotous, fantastical, joyous being in many regards, too. She wasn’t a sad sack, who just laid down and had the world trample over her. She was fighting, I think by all accounts, to the very end with great humor and intelligence and immense artistry.”

“And now, dear sister,

may your eyes behold the mountains of paradise”

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

A Miraculous TikTok Account

Part 1/57, 97.7k words

Next

I was like “hey brain I’d love to do a shitpost social media au” and then it was like r e w r i t e m i r a c u l o u s

I don’t even know if it really even counts as miraculous anymore so much has changed god damn it --

Rena Rouge had never been so excited for anything in her life.

Of course, at first glance people would find that insane. She was going to a meeting, after all.

But it was the people that were also attending that had her practically vibrating she was so excited.

All the heroes of Paris were to be gathered under Master Fu’s orders. They hardly ever worked together, so having all four (five, including her, she reminded herself) together was pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime event. She wished she was still a reporter, this was the kind of thing she would have killed to report on back in the day…

Still, a part of her had to wonder why exactly they were all there. Master Fu had been vague when he’d called. She had some theories, of course, but all this waiting was starting to shift her excitement into nerves. She attempted to smooth out her tail, but ended up just tucking it under herself to hide her anxiety. Maybe she shouldn’t have come so early.

The first person to show up after her was Carapace. He’d poked his head through the door, the hood of his sleeveless hoodie pulled so low over his face that it partially hid his face. Then he broke into a wide smile and pushed the hood up a little to show the green glint of his mask. He made his way inside and took a seat next to her.

“Salu -- Bonjour!” His confident smile melted into an uncomfortable one. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Salut,” she said, not wanting him to feel awkward.

Besides, that was kind of his whole shtick. Carapace was the relatable hero, the one you could vent about your problems to.

(Well, technically you could vent to all of Paris’s heroes, they didn’t mind… but Carapace was the only one that felt close enough to actually try it with.)

Silence lapsed between them as they sat there. She tried to remember whether she had met him as Rena Rouge or not and he seemed unsure whether she wanted to talk, but they were distracted from their thoughts when Chloe walked into the room.

Chloe just kind of… does that. If Carapace was the personable one, Chloe was the one who felt the most unreachable. She was open about her persona, had to be after everyone found out about it, and exactly how relatable can a mayor’s daughter be? She’d leaned into it, though, opting for golden jewelry and wings that glinted in the light.

Neither of the present heroes said anything to Chloe, and Chloe didn’t acknowledge them.

Was it rude? Technically. But what else were they supposed to do? Chloe had made it clear a week ago that she didn’t like them. There’s no good conversation that can come after you get shit-talked on live tv.

The last person to be on time was Chat Noir. The original hero. He gave them a smile worthy of a model as he slipped inside. “Bonjour.”

“Bonjour,” said Rena and Carapace, and even Chloe gave a quiet hum of acknowledgement.

The leather of his black suit made a high-pitched squeaking sound against the chair when he sat down that made both him and Rena’s hair stand on end (literally).

Master Fu walked in to find Carapace trying to soothe two very frazzled miraculous holders and Chloe ignoring them on her phone.

He sighed and gently rapped his cane on the ground.

Instantly, the room quieted. Chat and Rena snapped out of their shock.

“Bonjour,” chorused everyone.

He smiled tensely. “Bonjour. Where’s Ladybug?”

“Not here yet,” said Chloe. She set her phone down on the table and crossed her arms over her chest. “There’s nothing in the papers, either.”

Master Fu nodded a little bit and took a seat at the head of the table. “We can wait for her. There’s no rush.”

Carapace hesitated before raising his hand. “There’s… a bit of a rush. I was procrastinating a college app and it’s due tonight…”

“It shouldn’t be long,” said Master Fu.

This was true. About five minutes later Ladybug burst into the room, panting softly. “Bon… jour...”

“Thanks for finally showing up,” said Chloe.

No one knew for sure, because Ladybug’s eyes were completely white, but they got the feeling that she was rolling her eyes.

“There was an akuma.”

“Really? There was nothing on the news…” said Rena, genuinely confused, but she trailed off when she realized that maybe getting one of your childhood heroes in trouble was a bad idea if you wanted to have a good relationship with said childhood hero.

Thankfully, Ladybug didn’t seem all that annoyed. “That’s because the news anchor and her crew got swallowed by it before they could get any information out. Anyways, it’s dealt with.”

With that, Ladybug took a seat in the last open chair. There was a beat as she smoothed out the red and black folds of her dress and then she crossed her legs and smiled at everyone.

Master Fu sighed and shook his head, slowly placing his cane in his lap.

“Now that everyone is here, would anyone like to guess why?”

The heroes of Paris stiffened a little bit. That sounded a lot like they were in trouble. They didn’t want to be in trouble.

Rena slowly raised her hand. “Is it… because of what Queen Bee said last week?”

The heroes’ expressions soured a bit at the memory. The video of Chloe trash talking all of them to an interviewer had blown up, and now they could hardly do anything without having at least one reporter hounding them for a response.

None of them could give any, though Rena was sure at least some of them were tempted. The public was supposed to think them all friends, or at worst friendly coworkers. It gave them hope, seeing them all working together for team ups, and analyzing their friendship dynamics kept them relatively distracted from the fact that it had been six years since the first hero had first arrived on the scene and they still had virtually nothing on Hawkmoth.

But now that illusion had been shattered (and trust her, she knew a lot about illusions). Akumas had been more active this week.

“That’s precisely it. Thank you, Rena.” Master Fu regarded them all carefully. “What do you think we should do about it?”

Really, they’d had no clue what to do about their image.

Chloe hadn’t been joking, she’d made that plainly obvious, so saying she didn’t mean it or that was just the type of friendship they had wasn’t going to work…

“Act more like friends…?” Said Ladybug when no one spoke up.

Master Fu nodded.

“Oh, so more team ups or something?” Said Chat.

Carapace shrugged. “Don’t know how much of that I can do, since I’m the only one that can consistently get in the water, but…” He shrugged again. “... sure, I can do that.”

The old man drummed his fingers on the table lightly to bring their attention back to him.

“Yes, that, too, but I was thinking something more… convincing.”

Rena decided that she definitely didn’t like the way his eyes gleamed.

“So, until you manage to defeat Hawkmoth, you will all be living together.”

Everyone opened their mouths to argue but he held up a hand to silence them.

“And you’ll be doing it publicly, posting regular content about it to a social media platform of your choosing…”  He put his hand down. “Now you can complain.”

The teens all immediately started attempting to talk over each other, their voices steadily increasing in volume as they tried to be the one to get their complaints heard.

Rena was silent. Part of her thought that she should be complaining. She had siblings, after all, she had a life outside of heroism… but she couldn’t help but smile. She would be living with her childhood heroes (for a long time, probably, because the Hawkmoth situation was not getting better)! And, really, her sisters could get annoying at times. She’d love an excuse to get away.

So instead of arguing she leaned back in her chair and watched everyone else.

Chloe was the most passionate about it, her jewelry flashing with every wild swing of her hand. Her voice was the loudest, but with the other voices in the room and the fact that she was literally buzzing in her anger it was hard to make out what she was saying.

Chat seemed distressed and Rena could see his mouth saying “I don’t think I’d be allowed to” repeatedly even if she couldn’t hear him over Chloe’s screeching.

Carapace’s face was set in an uncharacteristic frown as he complained. Sure, of those voicing their complaints, he definitely seemed the most relaxed, but the fact that he was frowning was in itself proof of just how upset he really was.

Ladybug was quiet, though she didn’t look particularly happy about it. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as if she was holding herself back from yelling as well and her fingers worried at the hem of her dress.

After a minute of this, Master Fu raised his hands for silence and instantly got it once again.

“Are you done?”

The general consensus was ‘no’, if the looks on their faces meant anything, but they nodded anyways.

“Good. Chat Noir, I’ve already worked everything out with your dad, we’ll discuss it more after the meeting is over.”

Chat relaxed a bit.

“Carapace, your schooling will not be affected. In fact, you’ll likely have a better college experience since all your food and toiletries will be paid for by me.”

Carapace’s expression shifted to a thoughtful one as he considered this.

“Queen Bee, must I remind you of the fact that you’re on thin ice as it is?”

Everyone’s eyes shot to Chloe, who had paled considerably. Her angry buzzing quickly lowered to a dull hum and she settled back into her seat.

Master Fu seemed sated by this, and he looked at Ladybug and Rena.

“And I’m assuming I don’t need to convince either of you?”

Rena shook her head instantly. Ladybug took her time to consider, but eventually shook her head as well.

“Great. Now, shall we talk logistics?”

~~~

Taglist:

@nathleigh @mialuvscats

[azukaaa]

Introduction ! !

Ayoo! The name's Azuka, you can call me Azu or something, I hope we can be friends someday (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

Once I'll be able to gain some confidence with my art I might post it here, I've been getting into Hololive, Nijisanji, Honkai Impact 3rd, Genshin Impact, Love Live!, Bang Dream!, Ace Attorney, Project Sekai, Final Fantasy, etc.

I used to write fanfiction and original stories before but I lost motivation in doing so but I might remake them and post it here!

Well it's pretty nice to meet you all and hopefully we can all be a one group of friends someday!

Check out my Socials !

Tags :

azuka shitpost — Random posts based on experience or a random thought that makes no sense at all.

azuka lutang moments — Here we get to see me getting confused at stuff.

azuka and moots — a journey of azuka and friends. A journey to their true lov–

azuka arts — Just me posting my arts, whether it's a school project, work in progress or an actual finished drawing to which is rare, obv lack of motivation lezgoo.

azuka crush post/bading — both are me rambling how much I love my crush obv, or, fictional women. Cause yes women>>>>

Masterlist :

Aponia x GN!Reader ‹ Aponia's counseling room ›

[scoobydoodean]

i don't like to see anti-dean content either but it's hilarious to me that so many dean stans whose content i enjoy have this weird persecution complex about dean getting SO MUCH hate online. like i'm sorry, you guys have to know that's not true. dean is BY FAR the most popular character. are there specific dean anti blogs, yes. is spn fandom at large so accepting of anti-sam sentiment that it doesn't even get labeled as such? also yes. i dare you to say one anti-dean thing on twitter and not get ratioed. call sam a twat and say he should have been killed in the crib, 876 likes.

From one of my polls.

There was that poll I did a while back (on request) of “who do you think receives the most hate/who is most liked online among TFW” and people chose Sam as the most hated and Dean as the most liked. I never weighed in with my own perception so this is a decent springboard. 

So I like—both agree with this take and don’t, and I think I can lend some insights about the sensitivity of some Dean fans. SPN Twitter seems like a complete and total cesspool of disease and I avoid it at all costs. So I can’t speak for Twitter fans and will not. If Sam hate is what they’re up to all of the time, god bless get better soon Twitter SPN (you won’t but oh well). I’ll make this one about my personal observations on Tumblr and Reddit. 

I absolutely 100% agree Dean is the most liked by and large. He’s the most popular of TFW in every poll I’ve ever seen on Tumblr and Reddit, even despite season 13-15 where Dean hate was fucking everywhere. Like, not “Dean is lame/boring” shitposts but like short essays amounting to “Dean is a misogynist microaggressor abusing Sam and Cas” that were getting hundreds of notes (sometimes over 1000) especially on episode airing days and were every other post at one point in the Dean tag. Reddit was no better in any episode discussion thread. This is, in my mind, where the really bitter and protective mindset of a lot of Dean fans came from and the perception that Dean gets the most hate. There were definitely some bitter Dean posters out there before then who always thought like this, but they were a smaller circle of like two dozen people on Tumblr. The Dean hate was super wild during 13-15 and embittered a lot of Dean fans. Personally... this site was fucking miserable to be on as a Dean fan during 13-15 and I was actively being recommended Dean anti posts as “in your orbit” all of the time, saying the stupidest bullshit (imo) but getting hundreds of notes. 

Since the finale, however, Dean hate has practically dropped off the face of the planet again. People who always loved Dean reclaimed him out of love and grief and started shitposting about how he’s never done anything wrong in his entire life. However, you can still surf “anti Dean”, “anti Sam”, and “anti Cas” on Tumblr and find out what 3 people (last I looked) post anti Sam materials versus what kind of hate Dean and Cas get. (Or the variety of other random Dean hate tags like “Dean h8″). You can still find on AO3 the fics written about Sam and Cas escaping evil abusive Dean. I do think there’s possibly been a slight jump in Sam crit stuff, not even because of anything Sam did, but because of Jared. So “who’s the most hated” is also a question of “when?”.

The Dean hate Dean fans got mad about wasn’t one sentence shitposts that said “I hope Dean dies” or “I would sell Dean for one corn chip”. What Dean fans got mad about for the most part were posts that basically amounted to, “Dean has no right to grieve his dead mother or have even a moment of realistic rage or grief over that” and “the fact that Sam flinches when he hears loud noises is proof that Dean has been abusing him” and “Dean is obligated to love and parent Jack” and “Dean isn’t allowed to cut people out of his life even temporarily but they’re allowed to cut him out of theirs and in fact should be applauded for doing so”. These were not unpopular posts during Dabb’s run. They weren’t piddly little posts getting 5 notes or upvotes. They were popular sentiments on Tumblr and Reddit in terms of silent voting (likes/upvotes). I think one reason Deanfans can be super protective over Dean getting hate for things they don’t think are fair/his fault/show glaring double standards is specifically because a big part of Dean’s story is his childhood parentification, and the impact that had on his sense of self-worth and his tendency to heap guilt on himself for things that weren’t his fault or his responsibility. This is a life long struggle for Dean and one that is never resolved in the series. Even in the show’s finale he is putting himself down. Even in season 14 he is talking about how he’d be sent away if he stepped out of line and the next episode has his dad there in his presence and there’s no confrontation or catharsis or conversation about the impact of that. Parentification is directly connected to being held to different standards than ones peers, having higher expectations of your behavior, being expected to parent and take care of others despite how it’s affecting your mental health, and being ridiculed and demanded to accept blame for things that aren’t your responsibility. The type of hate Dean was getting, sometimes in essay length posts with hundreds or thousands of notes, often perpetuated these themes as legitimate instead of distancing from them. Some Deanfans also idenitify with these experiences on a personal level because of their own childhood experiences, so reading these things said about Dean didn’t just feel like an attack on a fictional character, but an attack on them and their perceptions of their own childhood experiences. Stans of everyone in TFW sometimes feel this type of thing as a personal attack because of identifying with Sam or Cas or Dean—that isn’t limited to Dean fans, but I think the nature of the types of hate comments and hate essays Dean was facing are important. It wasn’t just “Dean is a boring character”. It was “Dean is an abusive monster”. It was the nature of the comments. 

Now... I do think there is a good argument to say Sam is the least liked, but I don’t tend to think he’s the most hated—the distinction being the severity of the feeling, I suppose. I... simply don’t think people who popularly don’t like Sam care enough about Sam to hate him. o_O The most frequent complaint about him I see in posts with lots of notes (and again—this is limited to Tumblr and Reddit because Twitter can die) is that he’s boring and undeserving of attention for that reason. The last time I saw this, it was also directly in the context of someone making a meme to claim Sam was interesting and Dean was not, and people dogpiling it to thousands of notes to say that Sam is boring and Dean is a more interesting character essentially (and most of the hate was actually about Jared rather than Sam, blaming him for making Sam boring... which is a whole other issue, and you won’t catch me fighting the claim that Jared is the most hated actor among the cast at any point). Low-key Sam hate is widespread. I agree with that. If you want to find Sam hate essays, where Sam is called a classist, a narcissist, a manipulator and emotionally abusive, you typically have to go back to like—season 9. Sam simply doesn’t seem to inspire obsessive hate essays in the last 5-6 seasons. That said, Dean stans are like... totally blind sometimes to how many people simply don’t like Sam or Cas... And a lot of hardcore Dean stans gatekeep liking Dean to the point that they don’t see a lot of people who consider Dean as their favorite as “real” Dean fans, and thus perceive Dean’s “actual” fanbase as small because interpretations of Dean and reasons for loving him can vary a lot at times.

Even some people who like Dean though, do shit post about him being stupid, homophobic, sexist, and otherwise at times, and get 1000s of notes on it because people think it’s funny. So. I guess what I’m saying is that I have this weird inner distinction between “hate” and “dislike” and don’t think being the most liked and the most hated are mutually exclusive, and I think sometimes people think lowkey hate is funny, even about their faves. Maybe it’s a zoomer thing? Idk. 

But what I’ve also said before stands—that people will notice hate about their fave more, and thus tend to see them as getting the most hate. Not just because they’re more sensitive about comments, but also because they see content about their favorite character more and seek it out, and among that content, they will find hate/crit posts, and that can skew ones perception of how many there are for ones favorite versus other characters. I’ll be the first to say though, that I have struggled to find Dean fans to follow who aren’t at least kind of Sam crit, and I’ve struggled to find Sam fans who aren’t at least kind of Dean crit. I don’t think most destiel shippers care about Sam. I think wincest and bibro fans like him a lot—often the most. Dean, being one side of the two most popular ships, is hated more for seeming to favor one over the other or not being loving enough or having boundaries, but he’s needed on both sides, and very popular. In the end, I don’t think it really matters who gets the most hate and I don’t think the fixation on one-upping each other in terms of who is the most hated is productive or even remotely enjoyable as a passtime. I’d rather focus on enjoying the characters instead of being upset about what other people think, at least now that the show is over and hate as faded down a ton... it’s just not mentally healthy to wring ones hands over it all of the time (and this is why, even when it was popular, I always tried to handle things with humor). Anyway, fuck the haters.

[my-reality-my-rules]

hihi!! so i’ve been trying to shift for a while now, and one of my biggest sources of motivation is shifting youtubers and listening to their stories. i’d like to believe i have a pretty good bullshit detector, so i can usually tell when people are lying, and one of my favorite shifting youtubers who i watch constantly definitely blatantly lied during a live. ever since then, i’ve picked up on different things they seemed like they were lying about, and now it’s got me questioning them and literally everyone else i watch on youtube, and if anything this person says was ever true. i guess i just wanted to ask if you’ve experienced this before you shifted for the first time and knew for sure it was real, and how you delt with it and kept yourself motivated. i’ve just been very sad and unmotivated in general and this has just made it worse :-(

[thanks for this ask!]

yes, oh my god. i like to corroborate some of these people's stories sometimes to spot any inconsistencies or half-truths. it makes me slightly irritated seeing some stories be recycled half of the time,, but what can you do 😒 not everyone's calling others out on it, but sometimes, the criticisms of having a differing opinion compared to the majority just aren't worth it. sub-comment arguments are just a pain to deal with.

anyways, the first times i did shift, i always looked for the details first. as in, the elements of things i know I've never seen or felt before. textures, sounds, feelings, and et cetera. it's one of the reality checks i often do. during my first times shifting; since, before then, I've never fully experienced it before, i had to make sure that i was truly comprehending what i was seeing. that's why my posts on my first shifts listed out the more specific details and designs of things.

it is demotivating. finding out that some of the people you follow fake it, for whatever reason...i feel betrayed, and severely disappointed. i just absolutely hate it when they lead you on with their stories, only to notice something off, and realise just what's happening.

initially, i took a break from trying to shift the first time i encountered this sort of issue. i also went on to look for other people's opinions on it—whether for proof or for validation, it didn't matter—i just wanted to see what the general conclusion was. in a way, i felt slightly comforted seeing others' reactions too. for the most part, i know I'd ignored it altogether at some point, and moved on.

it can bring some people down, and make them lose hope in shifting itself—which leads to others calling the shifting community fake, delusional, or attention-seeking. a lot of people say to believe whatever you want when it comes to shifting, but if the one giving you those beliefs admits or appears to be forcing it, then it's really going to seem there's no point in trusting the validity of shifting itself.

it's a hot mess. honestly? i really want no part in it. but as a shifter myself, i know i also have a responsibility in educating both non and baby shifters as well in these matters. i guess this blog is a way of me coping with it too, not just as a form of escapism. i dealt with my demotivation by pulling myself up and saying, 'hey, you know there's a problem. you know you can help. you've finally done it. so, why can't you do something for them?'.

just before i successfully shifted, i convinced myself to actively pursue what i wanted—that even on the off chance that it was all some hoax, at least i had something to cling onto, something to believe in, something that had kept me going. at least i took the risk. and you know what? it was worth it. it took time, lots of it, but it all worked out.

another way i dealt with it was through memes and shitposts. i have no idea if it's just my broken sense of humour or if they were actually funny but they did wonders to lift my spirit up. i don't know how to describe this—but tumblr memes and shitposts are just another kind of experience. there's simply something about them that makes their existence useful and entertaining.

the shifting memes I've seen and saved have actually helped a lot, even when i didn't realise it at the time. whether it's the irony or the relatability in these posts that get me, all i know is that they give me another reason to keep trying.

i truly hope you're able to overcome this issue. here—for extra motivation, i hope this also works.

[this is from a previous post btw]

have this cursed image. i hope this haunts you every time you feel sad or about to give up. then, when you remember it, your mind halts to a stop and you get the sinking realisation of 'What the fuck?', and 'What am I doing?'. make it so that you want to forget about this image, and run as far away as possible. when you do, i hope you recall this post, and realise how much you're missing out on by simply surrendering to your uncertainties. the changes could be not much at all, or they could be significant. either way, the line between skepticism and success is blurred here.

in all seriousness though, i will drag you around through your misery if it doesn't work. \(ಠ益ಠ\) YOU \(ಠ益ಠ\) WILL \(ಠ益ಠ\) SHIFT. even if it took longer than you wanted, or if it looks and feels harder than others make it seem, it will happen.

[sophiamcdougall]

EXPLAINING SANREMO

(PART 1) Last week I was swept away, helpless, by the avalanche that is the Sanremo Song Festival and I am still recovering. For your safety, I’ve tried to keep the insanity contained on my Italian side blog. But I want to try to offer you a rough summary of what I’ve learned. Sanremo inspired the Eurovision Song Contest. Over five nights, 24 acts, each with a brand new song, compete at the Ariston theatre in Sanremo for a tacky little golden lion, and the glory of being the year’s Song for Italy. 2020 marked the 70th Sanremo, so depending on who you ask, it’s a venerable national treasure or it’s stale and embarrassing (Many Italians are sick of it. Or say they are, but see below.) It is also an EPIC STRUGGLE between THE FORCES OF GOOD AND EVIL FOR THE SOUL OF HUMANITY Let’s meet some of the protagonists: 

AKA: host Amadeus, entertainer and comedian Rosario Fiorello, il Bel Paese, and competitor Achille Lauro.

Amadeus got things off to a bad start before the show even began by praising his various female co-hosts - all seasoned TV professionals - for their beauty and their ability to stay “a step behind a man.” Outrage ensues, Amadeus claims he did not mean it like that, but keep this in mind for later. Also competing are Morgan (below, left) and Bugo (below, right.), who are performing a duet.

Going in, the one thing I know about Morgan is that on more than one occasion, he trashtalked my beloved and blameless Fabrizio Moro. So I hate him and want him to suffer. And apparently he has quite the reputation for throwing tantrums, picking on fellow-artists and sabotaging events he’s part of. But hey. He’s supposedly talented and Bugo clearly thinks he deserves another chance.  And we’re off!

Irene Grandi kicks things off with  “Finalmente Io” (“Finally Me”). But I’m starting with her not so much because she’s the first to sing as because I don’t think the song’s  got enough attention -- either for the fact that it bangs or for what it represents in the drama that’s about to unfold.

Finalmente Io is what, in the business, we call foreshadowing.

There’s a magical thing that happens to women with when they turn 40. The  develop Not-Giving-A-Fuck superpowers. The song is basically about that. It’s about freedom, and self-acceptance, and being 100% done with male bullshit. (It's also a bit of an ADHD anthem but let’s leave that aside for now.)  “I’ve lost all my patience, and all my fragility,” she sings. 

And, “If you want sex, let’s do it now. Heeeeeeere.”

Irene is the portent everyone misses, a harbinger of what is to come. 

Think of her as John the Baptist.  Onwards. So the first thing one discovers about the Sanremo Festival is that just because we have to get through 24 “big” acts AND 6 (?) new/junior artists, and they all have to perform multiple times, that doesn’t mean there’s any RUSH. Guest singers wander on and perform a song or ten. There’s comedy. We can stop everything to talk about football.  A lady comes on and talks for a million years about how her granny taught her that True Beauty is Found Within. There are also speeches about important subjects like violence against women. In fact, we are going to talk about that a lot, but also a bunch of competent and experienced female TV personalities are stuck taking turns at playing Amadeus’s Glamorous Assistant of the evening and he can’t shut up about how beautiful they all are while they cringe and lean subtly away from him. So it’s ... slow, and awkward, but within its own cheesy terms, things are normal. Too normal. Enter Achille Lauro. 

Softly, almost whispering, he begins to sing a song called  “Me ne frego”  (”I don’t care” - but with an edge of “fuck you”). This is both an everyday Italian expression and a fascist motto. Well, it was till now. 

A nation is convulsed. Right-wing Italian boomers are screaming because YOU! CAN’T! DO! THAT! AT! SANREMO! THERE! ARE! CHILDREN! WATCHING! Italian Tumblr, which like the rest of Tumblr is feral, thirsty and gay, is screaming for different reasons entirely. 

Achille, you scandalous creature, what have you done? What have you got to say for yourself?

Something strange and magical  has released and it cannot be contained. On with the songs. Good songs, bad songs, blah songs. I like “Tikibombom” by Levante - a love letter to weirdos and rebels, “Rosso di Rabbia” (Rage Red) by Anastasio about being, well, angry but scared you can’t do anything useful with it, and “Eden” by  Rancore, about... the nature of sin?? touching on everything from September 11 to the mafia to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.   However, this contest is being judged (mostly - it’s complicated) by an industry jury of FOOLS, COWARDS, and TRAITORS who KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO, so virtually all of the above artists are so far languishing towards the bottom of the provisional rankings. Achille ends up in 17th place and  Rancore at 22.

Truly, the light hath shone in the darkness and the darkness knoweth it not.

LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO RANCORE. 

Rapper down, repeat RAPPER DOWN. SEND HELP.

However, for people who went in implacably biased against Morgan, it’s not all bad news. "Sincero” (Sincere) by Morgan and Bugo is in last place. Whether this is anything to do with the song or because Morgan is a nightmare of a person who has systematically alienated everyone in the Italian music industry except the trusting Bugo ... we can but ponder.  Sanremo grinds on. Days blur into each other and I’m not even going to try to cover events in exact order. Sanremo knows no order. Sanremo is like the universe, linear time is a construct that doesn’t really exist, and chaos happens very, very slowly.  But meanwhile, somewhere on the astral plane:

At least that is what I deduce must have happened.

The competitors and guests look deep within themselves. Do they have what it takes? Are they ready to answer the call? 

Let’s see! It’s Covers Night! Which is also Duets Night!

That’s Elettra Lamborghini (yes, that Lamborghini) and Myss Keta.

 Are they in tune? No. Does it matter? ALSO NO.

Meanwhile ... something strange is brewing between Amadeus and Fiorello...

 But wait, PLOT TWIST.

Enter Roberto Benigni.

The beloved actor and director is the latest avatar of the Dionysian frenzy that has chosen Sanremo 2020 for the place of its birth. He is the One who will unite the electric queer mayhem and the impossible grinding tedium  of Sanremo. In him, the two strains will fuse and become unstoppable. He is going to talk about sex for twenty-six minutes

He reads from the Song of Songs, which ... I knew it was sexy, and all, but is it really like that? Do you ever think about NAKED BODIES? Roberto does. Do you believe in PHYSICAL LOVE? Roberto wishes you would. Anyway, just think of all the sex we could all be having, literally right now, right heeeeere, whether we are  “a woman, and her man. Or a man and his man. Or a woman, and her woman!” He is awful. He is magnificent. He is excruciating. He is spellbinding. We are hanging on his every word and we are considering chewing our own arms off to escape. He proposes an orgy in the orchestra pit. 

Hand on heart, all of that happened. Italian Tumblr, bear witness.

And what of Achille Lauro? He unleashed this madness upon us all,  is he just going to sit back and let everyone else do all the work? Of course not. Achille Lauro came to bring not peace, but a sword, to the world of toxic masculinity and gender in general and his work is not yet done.

”I too was once a little girl,” Achille sings.

Dressed as Bowie-as-Ziggy, Achille duets with Annalisa on “Gli Uomini Non Cambiano” - “Men Don’t Change”. It’s a heartbreaking song by Mia Martini from 1992 about male abuse of women, and not a single word, or a single pronoun has been changed.

However, although he’s the one in the competition, and the one dressed to dazzle, he leaves Annalisa the spotlight. It’s like she’s the tortured protagonist of the song and he’s a voice in her head, a sympathetic spirit who can’t swoop in to rescue her but can quietly affirm that she deserves better than the the hellish treatment she’s singing about. in fact, he pointedly stays a step behind her at all times. And she’s majestic. 

Of course, he’s not fucking DONE

He’s still got to sing “Me Ne Frego” again. Can he top the cape-drop? You be the judge.

So Italian Tumblr,  is now writhing on the carpet,  making a sound only bats can hear, and shitposting itself into delirium, but has it all been ENOUGH?

NO.

Poor Rancore has died again. Toxic masculinity still exists. Amadeus is still pretty gross. Everyone is going to have to GAY HARDER. CAN THEY DO IT? This post is, like Sanremo itself, getting insanely long, so ... STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO, in which Fiorello’s true nature as a chaos being is revealed, Amadeus faces his Calvary, and the gun on the stage goes off.  ----- UPDATE: Part 2 is here

[ask-aqua-the-wayfinder]

|| You’ve chosen your path || ✧ Muse about Mun! ✧ || Ask Meme ||

||  ─⊱•✧ Anon Asks!: “ 2, 8, 9, 15, 18 (for the mun meme) “  ✧•⊰─ ||

────────⊱•✧✧✧•⊰────────

|| 2.) What’s the strangest/weirdest movie the mun has watched? ||

Aqua: The strangest movie they’ve watched, huh? Just one? Well- actually now that I think about it, there is that disturbing Troll movie they seem to watch every year. That one is...not good. Honestly I am surprised they even managed to sit through it in its entirety, let alone continue to see it.

|| Mun: For context, the movie in question is called Trolland (2016) and you can find the full movie in all of its awful glory on YouTube. The animation is truly a sight to behold, not a good sight- but it is a sight. Now you might ask me, “Crowe, why would you watch this movie?” Well dear Anon, it all started when a friend of mine sat me down with the promise of seeing Dick Van Dyke play a kind and wise old troll, which for some unknown reason is actually very true- he does voice the troll in question... but the movie. Oh the movie... The worst part about it is the story isn’t even completely terrible? Over done for sure but it’s not the worst plot I’ve seen...the animation though... Anyway, we watch the movie every year on November 11th. Its tradition now. We sit and pay respects to this film and every year I forget how bad it is. Here’s a trailer. The movie itself is like, a little over an hour- and right here. || ─⊱•✧✧✧•⊰─

|| 8.) Does the mun like to shitpost/make funny posts a lot? ||

Aqua: There are moments when everything is quiet, when everything finally knows a taste of what peace must feel like...I’ve seen every stretch of silence, Anon- but even the echoing of isolation that the Darkness provides does not scare me as much as they do when they stare into the nothingness and start chuckling. Its almost like it...changes them. They come back and its almost always something that makes me suffer in the end, I’m never physically harmed- but the mental and emotional toll it takes... Anon... Anon, its terrible.

|| Mun: World is hard and cold. Timtee is soft and warm. || ─⊱•✧✧✧•⊰─

|| 9.) Has the mun ever scared the muse? ||

Aqua: You mean aside from the things in the other question? Nothing yet, but that can change and I can’t quite say I trust them because of it.

|| Mun: Aqua is smart not to trust me, a wise decision indeed. || ─⊱•✧✧✧•⊰─

|| 15.) Does your mun draw or write? If so, what work are they most proud of? ||

Aqua: Oh! Yes actually they do both! Though I don’t think there’s any in particular that they are proud of, I think they are more just happy to make anything at all.

|| Mun: No that wasn’t just me being lazy and not picking something out to share. I am genuinely proud of most art that I make even if I don’t think its very good because its at least progress towards improving and its something I made, the same goes with my writing. I’m only human though and I have a lot of times where I have self-doubt and do not like the things I make...however, that usually doesn’t stop me from making it anyway. That being said, if it’s KH art you’re looking for, I have some on my Sora blog under the || My Art || tag. Any other art you have to ask for in DMs if you really want to see it. Writing wise? I’ve got three RP blogs, take your pick. X) || ─⊱•✧✧✧•⊰─

|| 18.) Who are the first 3 people the mun thinks about when asked for blog recommendations? ||

Aqua: This question is probably the easiest one. Let’s see...there’s @strength-of-heart/@reverent-dreamer...the mun of those two blogs are one and the same and between their characterizations of their muses and their content that ranges from art to writing and hc’s; they are easily one of my mun’s favorite people to interact with, not to mention they are very open to interacting with other muses and its always a delight for my mun to read those too. @carmen-sirenum comes to mind as well, though I haven’t interacted with that mun’s muse- Lea has and between Lea and our mun, they both seem to really enjoy Myde’s mun! They are exceedingly sweet and very understanding, not to mention their portrayal of their muse is unique and interesting! It keeps my mun on their toes in a pleasant way and they often look forward to continuing threads with them. Now number three might just have to go to @oblivionknight and @soaringcrowns both muns of both those blogs are so very kind and their writing is phenomenal! Even if my mun does not have very many threads with them, they swear up and down that both of the other muns are wonderful people with great characterizations of all their muses, not just Riku and Sora!

|| Mun: There’s easily more than just the ones Aqua mentioned ( @aspiringroleplays​ for example is an absolute sweetheart who is always willing to plot and do interesting interactions) but those ones are the first recommendations that came to mind immediately, I am always, always open to expand those recommendations though and ready to interact with more muns and their muses. And please do not be upset if you were not mentioned- I’m a forgetful bird but not an ungrateful one, if I have a thread with you; chances are that I am fond of you and your characters.||

────────⊱•✧✧✧•⊰────────

[spookyboogie3]

The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.

AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series. 

As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.

LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.

You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.

I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.

Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”

Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.

I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.

Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.

Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.

By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)

This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.

 Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:

It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*

Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em

The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.

Theres a few problems with this.

A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.

B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.

C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)

D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.

A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.  

I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.

Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.

I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.

The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.  

(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)

So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.

Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.

 I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.

From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.

From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.

 One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.

Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.

Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.

   Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.

And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.

Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.

[wincestisasincest]

The Green Book (Thorin’s Company x Reader, Part 3)

Hey gang! Wow, it has been a long time. I actually had the draft on my desk top for a really long time and just never got around to post it, because my life has been really crazy, but she’s back! I’ve already started the draft for the fourth chapter, so ready yourselves! Thanks so much for your patience : ). 

Summary: (Y/n) falls into Middle Earth. Shocker. Somehow, she gets recruited to join a party of dwarves on their kinda crazy mission to reclaim their home of Erebor.

Part: 1, 2, 3

Tags (let me know if you want to be added to the list!): @stuckupstucky, @dianaarelyfernandezgarza97, @alexloveskili

Words: 2188

Warnings: None I think...? I mean (y/n) is kinda a pussy in this chapter and Thorin is... himself so just be aware of that

Finally gaining my footing, I drew myself to my feet and regained my surroundings in the middle of the hazy afternoon. 

I used the reflection on the phone to observe myself. My (h/c) hair was an absolute tangled mess, with leaves, small twigs, and even a few pebbles here and there. I mussed it with my hand before lightly parting it, like I would do every morning. Of course, I still looked terrible, but something about fixing hair always makes people feel better.

I looked at my chin, where a massive bruise had planted itself, no doubt from the rather aggressive pushing and shoving from the trolls. Additionally, my legs and arms had been littered with small cuts and bruises that had just now begun to sting and make themselves noticed. Great. 

The next order of business was to find the Company. Admittedly, I was highly uncomfortable with the idea of meddling in a familiar tale. I touched on it earlier, but, reader, the tales of Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf the Gray, and all of their adventures in reclaiming Erebor were, in fact, very common tales from where I come from. So common that they are read aloud to children every night. However, no one actually believed them to be true, for dwarves, hobbits, and wizards, along with every race except human, do not exist in the world where I come from. 

I would expand on this further, but I imagine that whoever reading this has many of the same questions as my dwarf companions will ask later in these many tales, so do be patient. 

While we are taught as children that it is bad practice to mess around with things that are already set in stone, we are also taught that cops are good and that “because” is a valid reason for anything, so I ignored that advice. 

They may be my only chance to ever see civilization again. 

Catching up with them was very easy, as, while they are quite business oriented, they travel very slowly. They had spent a long time searching in the caves of the trolls that had been killed earlier, and even longer packing and preparing for the journey ahead. Dwarves are tough, that’s for sure, but they are also very methodical, and do not like to be interrupted when they have already begun something. 

Like a stalker (which I guess I technically was), I peaked out at their company from behind a tree, wondering when exactly my entrance should be made. They were apparently wondering something similar. 

“I say we should look for ‘er.” Fili posited.

“I second the lad.” Dwalin piped up. Oh dear, that dwarf was so intimidating up close. Even though I was noticeably taller than him, he could take me out with a single swing of his axe, no questions axed asked. 

“If she wanted our help, she would’ve come back and gotten it by now.” Nori remarked, to which Thorin sternly nodded. He was right. I did need their help, and I was back to get it. Gold digger life. (A/N I’m so sorry for removing the immersion, I would just like to apologize for all of the Gen Z shitposting in this. Feel free to tell me to knock it off.) 

Gandalf and Bilbo were there. It was a moment I recognized, when Gandalf introduced Bilbo to his now famous blade, Sting. I realized in that moment that literally any point in which I decided to emerge would be interrupting something. I quickly swallowed my pride and decided to reveal myself. 

“Uh, hi! I’m back.” I had absolutely no idea what to say. They all turned to face me, though at this point I was used to being gawked at. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me feel a little bit dizzy, though. 

I waved awkwardly, supporting my red canvas backpack over my shoulder. No one was saying anything. 

Gandalf lifted his every curious head up and eagle-eyed me from across the clearing. 

“Miss (Y/n)! So you have decided to join us.” It felt supremely unnatural to have him say my name. He crossed the way to approach me, leaving a rather disconcerted hobbit in the dust. 

“Uh… yeah. I guess I have.” 

“Wonderful! However, I’m afraid that I only offer my acquaintanceship to ladies whom I know more than their name. After all, it is only fair, since I’m sure you know mine?” No one bothered to interrupt the wizard, who, if I wasn’t mistaken, was doing the same thing to me that he did when he first met Bilbo outside of his hobbit hole. 

“Ummm, yeah, you’re Gandalf the Gray. And I guess, uh,” I breathed in deeply, realizing that, whether I tell the truth or lie, I’m going to sound extremely pathetic, “I’m (f/n) (l/n), but you can just call me (f/n). Uh, I’m human, I guess, and um, I don’t really know where I am right now. I’m kinda lost, I guess.”  

“Where do you hail from?” Damnit, damnit, I had no idea how to answer this.

“Ummm… really not from here. Like, so far that you probably haven’t heard of it.” His expression deepened a little bit. He was not playing as much as he pretended to. A somewhat scary reminder of the actual investment in the protection of his friends that it was easy to forget that he had.

“Try me.” 

“(Hometown name).” I answered back, with a fair amount of fake confidence. He furrowed his brow and pondered slightly, while everyone else remained completely puzzled. Of course, they had never heard of my hometown either, but the were far less travelled then Gandalf, and simply resolved to not seem outwardly ignorant. 

“You’re right, I suppose. I never have been there,” he paused, and no one surrounding him, myself included, was exactly sure what that pause meant, “But, how does one from the mysterious land of (hometown name) get so far from it?” 

“I’m not sure. I truly have no idea how I got to this place. One day it was life like any other, and the next thing I know I had woken up about to be eaten by a troll. I swear, I don’t know.” I added that last part, because I was serious, even if it sounded like I was completely making it up as I went a long, and doing a very poor job at that. 

“No need for swearing, I believe you.” 

“Well, I do not.” Thorin Oakenshield entered the ring.

“She wasn’t talking to you, dear Thorin.” Gandalf may appear spacy at times, but his sharp wit never left his side. 

“No, that is true, though perhaps she should’ve been, considering that I am the leader of this company.” I found it strange that, though he was arguing about me, Thorin had not yet dared to look me in the eye. 

“A leader who was too afraid to approach a frightened young girl alone in the forest?” My face twisted into a bit of a displeased expression. I thought I had hidden my fright well enough, and I was practically an adult. 

“She appeared far from frightened. While you were not there to see it, she was the one who confronted the troll head on, even when he was threatening her. And that thing that she can do with her eyes! I do not believe that she is as innocent as she appears.”

“Perhaps then, dear Thorin, all the more reason to have her accompany us for some time being. Perhaps,” he turned to me briefly before returning to the conversation, “we shall discover some more hidden skills that may be of surprising use.” 

I’d never felt so painfully passive in my entire life, just watching two people argue about what was to happen to me while pretending like I wasn’t even there. Did I even want to accompany them? To this point, I just wanted to go with them to Elrond’s house and then see if there is any aid there. Of course, it helped that Elrond’s house is basically an all-expenses-paid vacation, and particularly accommodating to lost souls. 

It became frighteningly clear that whatever separate visions they had of what was to become of me in their mind, neither of them were what I wanted.

“Are ye hungry, lass?” A finger poked my side. It was Bofur, a slightly more comforting sight. Though the two continued their bickering in the background, I diverted myself from the conversation slightly to face him.  

“Um, no, I think I’m okay, I-“ my stomach growled. 

Bofur smiled understandingly. 

“Well, we got lots o’ food if y’ever change your mind.” 

“Mahal, where did you get that?!” Kili yelled from the side. It appeared that I was now up for grabs by anyone who wanted to talk to me, as Thorin and Gandalf walked off. 

“What?” 

“That!” Kili pointed a finger at my chin, which I stroked thoughtfully, realizing that he was taking note of my large, now splotchy bruise that almost appeared to be a poorly shaved five o’clock shadow. 

“Oh, this? It was from the troll, I think. It wasn’t there before.” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully again before giving him something of a lopsided smile. He appeared quite amused at the concept of large bruises. 

“Lad, it’s considered polite to introduce yerself before askin’ a lass about ‘er wounds.” Balin remarked from the side, winking at me thoughtfully.

“Ah, yeah. Apologies. I’m Kili, at your service, miss!” He playfully bowed. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I already knew all of their names, so I just passively watched as the introduction ritual took place, feigning mental notes as though it would be a struggle for me to recall them later. 

I “met” Fili next, as he always tried to one up Kili with the showmanship, then Bofur, who introduced his family, Bifur and Bombur. Dwalin and Balin respectfully bowed, which felt way more gratifying than it should. Dori, Nori, and Ori introduced themselves together, followed by Oin and Gloin. Finally, the smallest member, Bilbo, appeared to have the most practiced bow, and politely introduced himself. I nodded. 

“(F/n) (l/n) at yours.” I recalled the response to the standard greeting from the book, while doing a mock curtsey. I was still wearing jeans. 

“I have to admit, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a lass, or anyone for that matter, in these woods.” Balin chatted curiously. 

“I can only guess as to why.” The sarcasm was the first thing that I had felt natural saying in a while. 

“Perhaps the giant trolls?” Ah, yes. Sarcasm was something that the dwarves were not yet used to. I nodded at let it pass. 

The group held their breath and Gandalf and Thorin returned, a tacit agreement among them to let Thorin do the talking. He stepped forward.

“Very well, (y/n) of (hometown name). You will be permitted to travel with our Company until you may be returned to some area of safety, though I must warn you against doing anything that may inhibit our quest.” 

I nodded, silently agreeing to the terms that had been placed before me. He grunted, and returned to packing for the journey ahead. 

“You must tell me more about this (hometown name) when you get the chance, Miss (y/n).” Gandalf added. 

“I’d be glad to.” I smiled, lying through my teeth. Part of me wanted to begin planning for when I would eventually have to lie about where I came from, but the other part of me simply had no idea what to anticipate. 

I recalled my red canvas backpack, knowing that it was filled with things so far from this time that it would be disastrous if they got in the hands of any of my travelling companions, even someone as wise as Gandalf. I recalled my familiarity with their tales, knowing that, no matter how honest I was, I could not reveal to them that I knew the end. I recalled the death of Thorin, Fili, and Kili, the abuse of Bilbo, the psychological torture of Thranduil, and everything unfortunate in between. 

Perhaps I was better off dying in the forest alone. 

“Miss (y/n), you may walk with me if you like? We are both quite out of place in this company.” Bilbo cautiously approached me, his small voice easier to focus on as the rest of the Company began to leave me alone to pack for the time being.

“I would be honored, though I’m afraid I am not a terribly experienced traveler.”  

“Then we shall make fine company, Miss (y/n).” 

“Oh, you can just call me (y/n), no ‘Miss’ needed.” 

He appeared somewhat startled, and on the verge of insulted. 

“Oh, no, no, it’s just that the ‘Miss’ isn’t very common where I come from. I didn’t mean anything by it.” I hastily added, trying to fix whatever mess I had started. 

“You really do come from far, don’t you?” Now he seemed to be observing me. I nodded. 

“Yes. It’s going to be a long way back.”

***********

So we finally start the shenanigans, though I must warn you that this is only getting started. As always, feel free to shoot me ideas as to what (y/n) has, or perhaps even a pairing. I’m considering also making this one a choose-your-own-adventure in terms of pairings, but that would take a lot more work, so if y’all have a specific one let me know and I can just write that!

[heavenly-roman]

Still A Better Love Story Than Twilight

Plot: Remy thinks Logan is a vampire. Logan thinks Remy is a dumbass. Somehow, they're both correct.

Warnings: vampires (and the Classic Allo-ness of vampires), very very minimal talk of religion

Pairing(s): losleep

Word Count: 1237

if you liked this, consider buying me a coffee?

Taglist: @shitpost-sides (legally speaking i must tag @sleepless-in-starbucks)

did a fic trade with @emo-disaster and they requested supernatural!losleep, so uhh,,, enjoy this fic with too many twilight references

(ao3 link!!!)

+++

It starts off relatively normal for two college students paired up for a project.

Remy Morpheus gets paired with Logan Berry, and he couldn’t be more ecstatic. The two have a few mutual friends, so Remy knows - Logan gets the job done, whatever it takes. Remy knows that, despite his insistence that a regular sleep schedule is vital, Logan rarely sleeps. Remy knows that Logan is basically a vampire.

Logan Berry gets paired with Remy Morpheus, and he couldn’t be more miserable. The two have a few mutual friends, so Logan knows - Remy slacks off as much as possible. Logan knows that, despite his addiction to coffee, Remy sleeps for at least ten hours a night. Logan knows that Remy thinks he’s basically a vampire. Logan also knows that, for once in his life, Remy happens to be right.

“Okay, so I think we should make a powerpoint, and - Why are you staring at me?” Logan looks up from his notebook to see Remy’s eyes peering over his second cup of coffee.

“Oh, nothing, you just look a lot more vampiric in person,” Remy shrugs.

“I’m surprised you even know that word,” Logan mutters, sipping his own coffee. He smirks when Remy makes an offended noise.

“I’d knock your coffee over if it wouldn’t pain me so much to do so,” threatens Remy.

“If you want me to function properly, you’d let me keep my coffee.”

“Thought you functioned on drinking the blood of the innocent?” Remy teases, earning a swift kick to the shin. Logan refocuses himself at the task at hand, signaling Remy to join him.

The pair stays at the cafe for quite a few hours, enough for the sun to go down and for the owners to politely kick them out. They’re walking back to their respective dorms, laughing and chatting when Remy smirks. “So, you made us stay there until it got dark because vampires like you can’t go out into the sunlight?”

“I’m not sure if you noticed, considering you're one of the most oblivious people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting,” Logan starts, earning a slap on the arm from his offended classmate. He continues, “But I did make it to our destination in the sunlight. Also, you’ve been watching too much Twilight.”

“You’re just mad that Edward Cullen is way hotter than you.”

“Absolutely not, you heathen.”

“Jacob is hotter too,” Remy says, teeth chattering. Logan rolls his eyes and shrugs off his jacket, handing it to his companion.

At Remy’s bewildered look, Logan explains, “You need it a lot more than me, and I’ll be fine.”

Remy hesitantly takes the jacket, brushing his hand against Logan’s. “My god, Logan, your hand is… pale white and ice cold.”

“Was that another damn Twilight reference?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And your eyes change color, and sometimes you speak like - like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything. You don't go out in the sunlight. ... How old are you?”

Logan pauses their walking and fixes Remy with a glare. “I’m not finishing your quote, Remy.” He begins walking again, then pauses and looks back with confusion. “And why do you have that quote memorized?”

“In case the opportunity arises to make fun of your vampiric tendencies,” Remy shrugs. He pouts, “Pretty please finish the quote for me?”

“Remy.”

“Logan.”

“I will never, ever, finish that quote.”

“I’ll buy your coffee for the rest of our project meetings?”

“ Fine ,” Logan sighs. He gives Remy one last pleading look, and when Remy motions for him to speak, the vampire finally gives in. Mumbling, he says, “Twenty.”

Beaming, Remy replies, “How long have you been twenty?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

“A...A while.”

“I know what you are,” Remy moves towards Logan, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“That’s enough, Remy.” Logan pushes the taller student away from him, suddenly very nervous. He’s hoping he’s able to keep himself from being revealed this time, thank you very much.

“Damn, babes, why so defensive?” Remy asks, stumbling from the shove and holding his hands up in surrender. He grins, “Unless…”

“Remy, stop it.”

“It makes sense, you know.”

“Not now, Rem.”

“Your allergy to garlic.”

“Remy.”

“Your lack of sleep.”

“Remy Morpheus.”

“Your freezing cold body temperature.”

“Remy, that’s enough!”

If Logan’s booming voice wasn’t enough to shut Remy up, the shorter student pressing him up against a brick wall with fire in his eyes sure does the trick. Remy swallows hard, and he is quickly reminded of how damn gay he is. “It, um… it explains your - your, uh… your strength, too.”

Logan shoves him harder and Remy winces - the rough brick digging into his back through Logan’s jacket is unpleasant, to say the least. “Sorry, sorry!” Remy whimpers.

That seems to break Logan out of his haze, hands releasing from Remy’s jacket lapels. He backs up and shakes his head, as if clearing all thoughts from his mind. His breath is laboured as he says, “God, Remy, I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… hurt you.”

Remy pushes himself off of the wall and fixes his jacket. He mumbles a quick, “‘m fine,” before pushing past Logan.

Not wanting Remy to leave, surprising even himself with that revelation, Logan calls after him, “Say it.”

Successful to Logan’s plan, Remy stops in his tracks and turns around. “Excuse me?”

“Out loud. Say it.”

At Remy’s shocked smile, Logan finds himself free of regret -  approximately the opposite of how he thought he would feel. Remy continues the quote, “Vampire.”

Logan takes a step towards Remy, lowering his voice. “Are you afraid?”

Remy closes the distance between the two, laughing fondly, “Now who’s watching too much Twilight?”

“Still you.” Logan chuckles gently. “Answer me - are you afraid?”

“No.” Remy leans his head down, touching his forehead to Logan’s chilled skin.

“Then ask me the most basic question: what do we eat?” Logan moves his head down to Remy’s neck, grazing his teeth - no, fangs, Remy reminds himself - against his soft skin.

Remy shivers, once again glad that Logan lent him his jacket (of which he was absolutely planning on stealing). “You won’t hurt me.”

“No, I won’t,” Logan breathes against Remy’s neck. “I would never hurt you.”

“Okay,” Remy nods, jostling Logan’s place. He tilts Logan’s head up, looking him in the eyes. “One question, though.”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you actually sparkle in the sunlight?”

Logan scoffs and pushes himself off of Remy, walking away and shaking his head fondly. “No,” He calls behind him. “It’s more of a bad sunburn.”

“Boring.” Remy skips up to him, and they continue walking to their dorms. Remy, as stealthily as he can, slips his hand into Logan’s. Logan pretends not to notice. When Remy goes to remove his hand, though, Logan gives him a reassuring squeeze. “And is that why you denounce Christianity? Because of crosses, and holy water? What happens if you get splashed?”

“Precisely. It’s much easier to excuse my aversion to the religion on science than the true reasons. As for being splashed, I’d get really bad burns, reminiscent of chemical burns.”

“And you really can’t have garlic? So no italian food?”

“I can, but that comes with burns as well.”

“Your food must taste horrible.”

“You forget what I eat, Remy.”

“Oh! So no italian chefs, then?”

“Remy, shut up.”

“It was just a question!”

“... No italian chefs.”