#yes arthur died at the end. put gwen with mithian then ????

[sneakyboymerlin]

Gwen and Morgana can do so much better than Leon… Why do so many fics pair them off with him? Just cause he’s available? Do you want only bad things for these girls.

[knightofmordred]

let's talk about gwen's trauma in bbc merlin

tw // trauma, grief, torture, death, potential racism.

im not sure what else to tw but my post will surround conversations such as these so if you are reading this and may be triggered please either stop or read with care <3

forgive me for any mistakes i will mainly be talking from memory and ofc if i say anything wrong please lmk !!

generally to start off, all of the main four characters went through trauma however you were always able to see their reaction/result of their trauma e.g morgana turning evil, arthur being self-conscious and doubtful of himself and merlin putting up a barrier in S5, but with gwen there was never anything like that which happened.

gwen went through so much throughout the entire show and yet nothing was ever handled or addressed within the show.

SEASON ONE

from the beginning it was indicated that gwen's mother passed away before the time frame shown in camelot and of course that was later confirmed. the only mention about her mother, that i can remember, is when gwen briefly spoke about how her mother was a maid in sir leon's household. we also know that elyan left camelot shortly after their mother passed away, clearly the reasoning was from grief and hurt. we didn't get to see gwen deal with the loss of not only her mum but also her brother, yes he was still alive however he left without a word, gwen and her father were left alone trying to survive.

(also elyan's trauma is also something important to be raised and spoken about)

during this time gwen and her father were still able to make a life in camelot, thomas being a blacksmith and gwen getting a job as morgana's maid. of course events unfolded and gwen was accused of witchcraft. she was thrown in prison and set to be executed. as we know this isnt the first time this will happen. we obviously saw gwen distraught and inconsolable trying to deal with her sentence however this epsiode revolved a lot around morgana and merlin more than it did gwen. e.g. them trying to release gwen etc

a few episodes later thomas is the one imprisoned and eventually was killed due to his attempted escape. again this epsiode focused more on morgana and merlin. the small clips we saw of gwen crying over her father whilst he was imprisoned and then again when she was mourning her father were little to nothing, and the only other scenes surrounding gwen were shown as her being "strong and getting her life back together". following on to merlin asking gwen if she would wish uther dead and she said no, if he died she would feel nothing but wouldn't wish him dead.

now why does gwen have to be this strong and kind hearted woman especially in this epsiode. she lost her father, practically her last and only family member left as elyan was awol and yet she was portrayed this way. she would have been allowed to be angry and upset over everything that happened.

there was a scene where gwen was crying with morgana and spoke about how she cannot go home but it wasn't about her father. it was about tauren - the man who hired thomas for whatever he was making,he came and threatened gwen.

SEASON THREE

a season later gwen and arthur are romantically involved and caught by uther and morgana during a date. uther banished gwen and was later accused of magic (again) and set to be executed (again). this episode focused more on gwen than the last ones i spoke about but again morgana and merlin's side plots were heavily involved.

after each event has taken place in these episodes, it's almost as if gwen's trauma and what she went through were put aside or forgotten about. twice she was nearly killed and once she lost her father.

later, gwen was kidnapped by cenred and morgause and threatened to bring arthur in exchange for elyan's life.

noticing a theme so far? gwen's trauma seems to be revolved around the white characters surrounding her, whether it is entwined with another character's plot or focuses on them.

SEASON FOUR

i don't remember the epsiode but i believe it was the dochard episode. gwen was attacked by morgana in an attempt to kill her.

during this time too she was also looking after and caring for uther. we know she wasn't doing it for uther but for arthur and her love for him and so he wouldn't have to worry and can focus on his duties but....she was still looking after the man who killed her father, nearly killed her a couple of times and overall ruined her life too.

now we get into gwen and lancelot. of course we all know lance was a shade and gwen was enchanted. the way this epsiode was and how they decided to portray gwen and lance for me was ://

again gwen was thrown in jail. the bracelet was never found and nothing ever came to light that she was enchanted.

so...gwen had to live with all of that regret, guilt and feelings of not understanding or knowing why she kissed lancelot for the rest of her life.

she was banished and threatened with death if she ever returned (again).

shortly later in S4 EP11, she was kidnapped (again) whilst living in ealdor. she was able to escape but then turned into a deer by morgana??? then accidentally hunted by arthur and mithian leaving her injured and hurt. which is so unnecessary because why tf turn her into an animal ???

she was nearly killed again.

and again nothing was ever addressed or spoken about in terms of what gwen went through.

SEASON FIVE

S5, uther came back as a ghost, he threatened and attacked gwen to the point she nearly died had she not been found by merlin.

in the middle of the season, gwen was kidnapped and tortured which eventually led to her being enchanted and under morgana's control in the Dark Tower.

again, gwen's trauma is tied to a white character (as in plot and needs etc).

during her enchantment gwen did a few things:

poisoned arthur and nearly killed him

killed tyr

imprisoned merlin and blamed him

conspires with an enemy and tried to kill arthur again

her enchantment was thankfully lifted but once again it just seemed like it was ignored once it was over but also i know S5 was rushed in itself anyway.

tbh you could say gwen knew nothing and couldn't remember what happened whilst she was enchanted but in With All My Heart there seemed to be some awareness from gwen about her enchantment. and also ofc people would say she couldn't remember in order to avoid the conversation around her trauma.

in the finale we see gwen in the battle helping the wounded and when the battle is won we see her having to cope with the fact they couldn't find arthur.

by this time we know where arthur is and it cuts to a scene of leon telling gwen arthur has still not been found and of course gwen is visibly upset.

when gauis comes back and gwen is informed of arthur's condition of course she believes he will get better but then she would have had to battle with the thoughts he wouldn't.

i really wish there had been a scene after this where gwen just talks to someone about what exactly she is feeling but instead it cut to the plot about eira.

the ending was kind of the same for everyone, no one got to mourn apart from merlin.

overall it just makes me so sad that gwen went through all of this and it was ignored or pushed aside because she is a "kind, strong and honest woman". she went straight back to work when her father died because it was "better than sitting in an empty house waiting for my father to return" no gwen!! you can do that if you need to!! you are allowed to be sad and hurt!!

i genuinely do think it is racist writing as black women especially are portrayed as "strong women who get on with things" when actually they've gone through a load of traumatic events and as any else are should be angry and upset and should be allowed to be portrayed that way too.

it also angers me that majority of these events which took place and gwen's experiences/trauma were almost always tied to a white character and aiding their development/storyline/plot. just why

[rainbowvamp]

Willow

Modern Reincarnation AU. Merlin and Lancelot go through a photo album. ~1700 words. Lancelot/Merlin. No warnings apply. (Mention of car wreck that killed Lancelot in a past life.)

A late birthday gift for Mod @little-ligi, because I couldn't have made this fest work without her. You're the best Ligi 💗

--

There’s no need to print photographs anymore. It’s easy enough to look at a screen and and flip through thousands, hundreds of thousands of images. But there has always been something special about choosing individual moments, perfect snapshots, and cataloging them into a book whose pages he can flip through. Merlin has been alive for over 1500 years. Books are one of the most familiar things he knows. One of the only things that hasn’t changed much in 1500 years.

People changed, clothes changed, transport changed, but not books. Those had remained nearly the same. You open the front cover and you look at what’s inside, just like always.

After 1500 years of adaptations, it was nice for this one thing to remain the same.

So when Lancelot hands him the photo album, Merlin is about to break his own face in half with how much he smiles at it. It’s a good thing, no a great thing, that Lancelot has done. The photo album is a deep forest green, the cover embossed with “The Book of Us.” In silver letters that Merlin traces with his fingers.

“What’s the occasion?” He asked, almost unable to take his eyes off of the book.

“Today is the day we met in this life, 10 years ago. I thought it might be nice.” Lancelot’s voice is so sincere, that Merlin has to look at him, has to look at the face of the man that he has loved without end or conditions for 1500 years. Tears prick his eyes because of all the love he see’s in Lancelot’s.

“I love you.” Merlin’s voice is soft when he finally finds it, and Lancelot crushes him to his broad chest, giving him a stability Merlin didn’t even know he needed until he had it.

“And I you,” Lancelot kissed Merlin’s cheek and Merlin’s fingers itched to open the photo album, but he didn’t want to leave the circle of Lancelot’s arms. He’s content to just listen to soft sound of Lancelot’s breaths, feel the pounding of his heart against his chest.

It’s Lancelot who finally breaks the silence. “Would you like to see the photos, my love?” His voice is soft and nonjudgemental. It’s obvious to Merlin that either a yes or a no would be acceptable.

“Yeah,” Merlin finally says, composing himself to pull away and walk with Lancelot to the couch.

They sit and Lancelot waits patiently for Merlin to feel ready to open the book.

The first few pages cover the span of over a year, with so few pictures taken before Lancelot knew him, before he remembered. Several of them are pulled from Instagram, captions included. There’s one of an empty seat and a drained coffee cup, and the caption just reads “I think I’ve met the man of my dreams.” It’s from their first coffee date, Lancelot’s post-date instagram update. Merlin laughed aloud, almost having forgotten it. The next is a candid shot of Merlin. They’d taken a weekend holiday a few months into dating and gone for a hike. The sun was setting behind Merlin, blurring out his features, but the silhouette was so obviously him.

The next was one of Lancelot cooking breakfast, looking over his shoulder to smile curiously at the camera.

Then the first selfie they’d ever taken together, complete with Lancelot pressing a kiss to Merlin’s cheek.

The photographs become more numerous, after that. Some of them and all their friends. There’s the photoset from Morgana’s birthday party (She’d rented a photo booth “because why they hell shouldn’t I spend Uther’s money on bullshit?”) There’s the Christmas photos for the dinner they always throw at Merlin’s because Lancelot doesn’t have any living family to go home to. Arthur and Morgana pop by when Uther becomes insufferable. Gwen and Elyan bring their father by to say hi. Leon stops by with gifts on his way to Mithian’s parent’s house. All these silly little moments caught on camera and made eternal, printed and carefully organized.

There’s the set they took at their third anniversary, a gift from Gwen and Arthur (who had recently gotten their heads out of unsavory places and started dating). There’s the picture of he and Gwaine standing side be side, smiling like old friends despite having just met twenty minutes ago. Merlin has a bruise forming on his cheek, but he’d insisted Lancelot take picture, to commemorate. “It’s not everyday I get in a bar fight, my love. Humor me.” And Lancelot always did.

There’s the terrible sledding disaster of 2015, where Merlin had crashed straight into a tree, and had been having too much fun to stop it with his magic. This is a still from a video, shortly before the actual disaster occurred. By the time the disaster was eminent Lancelot was no longer filming.

There’s the pictures he and Lancelot used to sneak of each other, just to have. Lancelot watching tellie. Merlin having a nap on the couch. Lancelot unclogging the sink. Merlin folding laundry. There was no rhyme or reason, then, for why they took the photos. It was a fun phase, each feeling challenged to take the most mundane pictures, always followed by a faked whining or griping.

There’s the picture of them from two years ago, in tailored suits, surrounded by friends, making their vows, followed by a series of all their friends dancing. A professional photographer had taken these photos, but Merlin always preferred the less polished pictures he and Lancelot took themselves that day.

Like the one Merlin had taken of Lancelot after he’d shoved cake in his face. Or Gwen’s candid picture of them gazing at each other like the biggest idiots in love.

Merlin doesn’t know when he started to cry, but he feels a tear roll down his face only when Lancelot pushes it away.

“I hope these are happy.” Lancelot puts his arm around him and Merlin nuzzles his shoulder. It’s enough, right now, to feel his warmth and smell his soap and just be near him. It’s grounding in a way only Lancelot ever was. The years with Lancelot, and there always seemed to be so many fewer of those than years without him, always made him feel the most alive. The most loved. The memories of Lancelot were good, but they didn’t sustain him, not like this would.

“Come here.” Merlins said, wiping his face and standing suddenly. He takes Lancelot’s hand and leads him out to the car.

“Where are we going?” He asked as they buckled the seat belts, but Merlin just shook his head.

“I want to show you something.”

—

The self storage place they pull up to is one of the last things Lancelot expects.

“Come on.” Merlin gets out and Lancelot dutifully follows, just like always. He lets Merlin take his hand again and watches as he pulls out a key ring that Lancelot’s never seen before and flips through them.

‘I put everything away, every time I meet one of you.” Merlin explains. “I used to have to keep the houses, to keep the things, but these are more secure.” He finally finds the key he needs as they stop outside a storage unit. “This one is from when we lived in the 1960s. Found you in Wales, then, of all places.” He smiled wanly. “We had 10 years together before you died in 1968. Car wreck.”

Lancelot only ever remembers bits of pieces of his past lives, normally only the good bits. “You weren’t with me, I presume?”

Merlin laughed as he wrenched the storage room door open. “You wouldn’t let me.”

“Is that why you never let me ride in a car without you now?”

“Part of it. I also just don’t like to be away from you.” Merlin flicked a light on and Lancelot was surprised by the sheer volume of things that existed in the room. “This was all of your things. I usually give myself about a year to wallow before I pack it away. If it’s here I never have to forget it, but I can still come and see it, if I need to.” He drags Lancelot to the back. On a wire rack there are plastic containers that looks like they’ve been taped shut. Merlin mutters a quick spell to remove the taping and then digs through the box. There are books, folders, papers, but then Merlin pulls out a photo album.

“I want you to see this. Because… I don’t know. It feels important.” Merlin is a very very old man, but he still doesn’t always have all the answers. Sometimes he just has to trust his gut and hope for the best.

He takes the album gently. It doesn’t smell stale the way old books usually do, most likely due to Merlin’s magic, but he flips it open anyway, without question. The first picture is of him and Merlin, a different him, but the same Merlin, Merlin’s arm is slung over him and they’re posing much more like a happy couple than a pair of friends. “Who took this?” He asked, tracing the lines of Merlin’s face. He looks so much older here than the Merlin he knows.

“Elyan. He liked photography. Took well to most of the Arts that life, actually.” Merlin smile and flipped a few pages to show Lancelot a picture of Elyan with a painting. “Abstraction was sort of the thing, then. He does a good job of it.”

“I don’t know anything about art, but it’s very compelling.” Even in the dreamy old photo, which was saying quite a lot.

“I brought it, a few years after he died. It’s in one of the other units.”

“How many of these do you have?” Lancelot asked, turning the page and almost laughing aloud at the image of Gwaine holding Arthur in a headlock. The two of them never changed, apparently.

“Just a couple. There are quite a lot of units in each building.”

“You own this building?”

“I’ve been alive for 1500 years, my love.” Merlin kisses his cheek and Lancelot closes the album. “I have a lot of stuff.”

“We’re taking this with us.”

“That was always the intent.” Merlin closes the box and spells the tape back into place. “That was a gift from you, too, actually, birthday present.”

“I’m predictable.”

Merlin laughed and wrapped an arm around Lancelot, tilting his head up to kiss his forehead. “You’re sentimental, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He pulled Merlin’s head back down to kiss hims squarely on the lips, making Merlin finally pause for the first time since they’d gotten in the car. “Neither would I.”

[queerofthedagger]

Morgwen, Merwaine, Gwapple, Gwaine/Percival, Merlin/Arthur/Gwen

Wow alright, thanks so much for the ask! ❤️ I’m going to put most of this under a cut so it doesn’t get too long,

Morgwen

when I started shipping it if I did:

I basically liked them from the start, but only got really invested in it when @atlantablack dragged me into the angst-potential of the ship without any mercy. ❤️

my thoughts:

Pre-season 3 they’re cute, but then this ship offers so much potential for angst and heartbreak, it’s fantastic. All that pain of betrayal and being torn between love and convictions/loyalty, and how you can mourn someone who’s still alive but... doesn’t exist anymore in the way you loved them.

what makes me happy about them:

On the first glance, they look like they both got their shit together, but actually they’re a chaotic duo that you really shouldn’t mess with.

what makes me sad about them:

How they ended; from a certain point onward, it’s nearly impossible to give them a happy ending. While I love that about the ship, they do both deserve to be happy so... yeah.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

When Gwen’s made out as a pushover who yields too easily to Morgana, or when Morgana’s actions are glossed over or excused too easily.

things I look for in fanfic:

All the conflict, all the angst. Either forgiveness that’s worked for, or none at all. To me, this is a lovers-to-enemies ship, and I want the whole mess that involves.

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

I’m really fond of Gwen/Leon or Gwen/Gwaine, and I don’t really ship Morgana with anyone else tbh.

my happily ever after for them:

As you might’ve guessed by now, I’m not really into them for the happy endings, but if I had to pick one, it would probably be something along the lines of them sorting themselves out over season 3 or 4.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: 

Gwen’s the big spoon, a relict from the time she comforted Morgana through her nightmares.

what is their favourite non-sexual activity:

Sparring! They’re both really good with a sword, and love training together.

Merwaine

when I started shipping it if I did:

I don’t really ship them much tbh. I can see them having a friends with benefits thing going on which Gwaine is more invested in than Merlin.

my thoughts:

I love them as a friendship, and I also think there were some unrequited feelings from Gwaine’s side, which is fun to explore.

what makes me happy about them:

They’re such a chaotic duo, and I love them getting up to all sorts of mischief.

what makes me sad about them:

I personally don’t think they would be happy with each other long-term, and if I stay with my own headcanons, it’s definitely sad that Gwaine was left pining after Merlin while Merlin probably remained oblivious to it. Of course, losing Gwaine still would’ve hit Merlin hard which is also just sad.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

I don’t really read fic for them.

things I look for in fanfic:

See above.

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Merlin: Arthur, Leon, Mithian

Gwaine: Elyan, Gwen, Elena

my happily ever after for them:

Gwaine gets over his feelings and they stay good friends while being happy in their respective relationships.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

I think they would switch a lot.

what is their favourite non-sexual activity:

Going out for drinks, then roaming the streets when nearly nobody else is out anymore and causing a lot of, mostly harmless, mischief.

Gwapple

when I started shipping it if I did:

Hahaha. I don’t, really, though it cracks me up.

my thoughts:

Every fandom needs a food-crack-ship, and we couldn’t ask for a better one.

what makes me happy about them:

Uuuh. Gwaine deserves good things, so why not apples?

what makes me sad about them:

No apple lasts long. Poor Gwaine.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

..... let’s see. When the apple doesn’t have solid characterization. 😔

things I look for in fanfic:

Gwaine getting all the love and appreciation he deserves 😂

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

No one. Gwapple or no one, of course.

my happily ever after for them:

Gwaine on an apple farm.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Oh my god. The apple is the big spoon, obviously. 😂

what is their favourite non-sexual activity:

Picnics. ✨

Gwaine/Percival

when I started shipping it if I did:

I’m not really invested in it either way, but mostly through fandom after I watched the show.

my thoughts:

It’s a fun ship, and they’re very cute!

what makes me happy about them:

I think they’d be good for each other and balance each other out very well.

what makes me sad about them:

Gwaine’s death-scene. God.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

I... don’t really have an opinion either way. When it feels as if the ship is only there to pair them off somehow, I guess.

things I look for in fanfic:

See above; I don’t really search fic for them specifically, but if they’re there, I like to see that they’re together because they fit each other well.

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

Gwaine: Elyan, Gwen, Elena

Percy: I’m kind of fond of Percival/Freya!

my happily ever after for them:

They live long happy lives. Yes, the bar is low.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: 

Mostly, Percy is the big spoon, but sometimes Gwaine wraps himself around him like an octopus and Percy actually loves it.

what is their favourite non-sexual activity:

This is really basic, but I think taking rides around Camelot and challenging each other in training.

Merlin/Arthur/Gwen

when I started shipping it if I did:

I’m not really invested in this either, but season 5 gave me some vibes and then I kind of absorbed it through fandom eventually. 

my thoughts:

I think they’re very cute and would have an interesting dynamic if done a certain way.

what makes me happy about them:

They all deserve good things, and I think they’d make each other incredibly happy.

what makes me sad about them:

The whole tragedy of how they ended; the idea of a poly-relationship where at least one part eventually dies is just... oof.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

If the relationship between the three isn’t balanced, or if it’s made out to be super-easy once they agreed to it. Relationships generally take work, and a poly-relationships specifically requires a lot of open, honest conversations and reflecting on yourself. I want to see the struggle with that.

things I look for in fanfic:

See above.

who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Gwen: Morgana, Gwaine, Lancelot if it’s done a specific way

Arthur: Merlin

Merlin: Arthur, Leon, Mithian

my happily ever after for them:

Arthur survives Camlann, and they happily rule Camelot together for years to come.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Arthur is the smallest spoon, Merlin’s the middle-spoon, and Gwen’s the big spoon.

what is their favourite non-sexual activity:

Anything that involves getting out of Camelot for a bit, picnics, enjoying the calm and peace of the forest. Also, they’re all addicted to cuddling and you can find them in a pile of limbs more often than not.

send me a ship or a character and I’ll tell you what I think!