#yes I’m aware that Spock goes by one name as well

[lightshiningforth]

The fact that Uhura, Sulu, and M’Benga don’t have first names in the original series is frustrating first and foremost because it smacks of racism (they’re the only recurring characters of color AND the only recurring characters without first names), but also because their later established names make me think of the newer versions of their characters, not the originals.

[the-goofball]

Raffi Musiker...

...and how she became Picard’s First Officer.

Excerpt from ‘The Last Best Hope’ by Una McCormack

[...]On-screen, the woman said, "My name is Lieutenant Commander Raffi Musiker, and I'm an intelligence specialist at Romulan Affairs. As you're aware, we've been tracking some odd communications from Romulan space in recent weeks - odd even by Romulan standards."

Listening to Musiker, Picard found himself taking a liking to her. She had a faintly disreputable air, a plesant change from the smooth operatives that Starfleet Intelligence usually fielded. Her frankness was refreshing, as was the fact that she was clearly not daunted by the grandeur of her audience. Most of all, she was on top of her briefing. A question came about the reliability of their sources, which was dispatched with confidence and ease. Then another question came about the range of the blast from the supernova, and here she stopped and took a moment to collect herself.

"What I want to say is, that these calculations are a worst-case scenario. This implies that effects in climate change are already being felt. Sometime in 2387. I'll show you that first. Because it might make the best-case scenario less damn frightening."

Picard leaned over to Clancy. "What was her name again?" "Raffi Musiker," said Clancy. "Lieutenant Commander Raffi Musiker."[...]

Hours later Picard talks to Beverly Crusher via com:

[...]"Can I offer you some free advice?" she said.

"Of course, Beverly. Of course."

"Put someone right next to you who isn't scared of you."

"Scared--?"

"You're quite... now, let me get this right. Not intimidating... not severe... huh. That's it. You can be quite certain of yourself. And that can stop people from telling you things that you need to know."

"Certain of myself?"

That half-smile again. "Don't get me wrong! With good reason. Most of the time. But you're only human like the rest of us. You make mistakes. And you need someone there who's able to tell you when that's happening."[...]

.

[…]Lieutenant Commander Raffi Musiker, when asked to wait for a senior officer, did not generally sit patiently in a chair, and she saw no reason to do so for a legend either. She stood outside the admiral’s office, bouncing up and down ever so slightly on her heels, ready for action.[…]

[…]Raffi mentally ran through her presentation one more time. The instruction to see the admiral had been brief, courteous, and not particularly informative as to the purpose of the meeting. She knew, from superiors and colleagues, the impact of her presentation and so she assumed she was here to give a direct one to the man himself and answer any questions he might have. Then back to her desk at Romulan Affairs. Only now she would have met a legend. Gabe, her son, was dying to hear about him. Mom’s job was mostly that thing that meant she didn’t always make his soccer matches, but every so often she managed to deliver something incredibly cool, like this.[…]

(And because I couldn’t decide what to leave out, there’s a bit more under the cut.)

[…]The admiral closed the screen, rose from his chair, and came to greet her. The legend, come to life. She had the edge on him when it came to height, but he moved with a commanding grace. “Commander,” he said, “thank you for making the time to see me today.” His voice was measured, cadenced; the kind of voice, she suspected, that you could not help but listen to, and then do exactly what was requested.

“Happy to supply whatever you need, sir.” She looked around the room for an audience that wasn’t there. Didn’t he have a senior staff in place yet? “Are we meeting here?”

He gestured to two comfortable seats in the corner of the room, where teapot and cups stood waiting on a low table. “Take a seat. Tea?”

“Sure, thanks.” Raffi sat, uneasy in the easy chair, putting padds on the floor beside her, and then leaning forward, palms on her knees. He took the chair opposite, smiled disarmingly, and poured tea. “I assumed I was giving a presentation this morning, sir.” She sipped her tea. What the hell was this stuff? It tasted of goddamned perfume. Was it too late to ask for coffee?

“I’ve watched your presentation half a dozen times now,” he said. “It’s insightful, informative, and precise. I was very impressed.”

Hey Gabe, wait till you hear what the Great Man said about Mom. “Thank you, sir.”

“Could you tell me, please, from your perspective as an expert on Romulan affairs, what you believe our chief difficulty will be in Starfleet’s dealings with them?”

He didn’t waste time, did he? Raffi took a breath. “Opposition, sir,” she said. “Believe it or not, they are not happy that Starfleet is devoting so much time, energy, and resources to helping them. They are hating all this. They hate that we know they’re in trouble, and they hate accepting help. They won’t want to lose face.”

“I understand. What else?”

“And even if they’re united on this, they’ll be divided among themselves about what to do with us. Some will want to accept our help for a while. Some will try to make it impossible for us to function. Others might try to get rid of us—”

“By force?”

“By subterfuge, more likely. Secretly, so that half of them won’t know whether it’s a sanctioned operation or not. The saying in our office goes that Romulans don’t tell their left hand what their right hand is doing.”

The admiral nodded. Yes, he recognized that.

“That makes them inconsistent and unpredictable,” Raffi said. “Not to mention damn annoying. They’ll say one thing and do another, and they won’t even know themselves what their real policy is toward us. Expect the unexpected, sir.”

“I see. Would it help at all, Commander, if I approached Ambassador Spock and had him petition the Senate to instruct cooperation with this mission?”

“Excuse me, sir? How would that help?”

He looked surprised. “The ambassador surely commands considerable respect—”

Raffi laughed out loud. “Spock? They think he’s a nutcase!”

His eyes opened wide. Shit, she thought, me and my big mouth. She had a vision of herself, explaining to Gabe: No, the admiral hated me, and that’s why I’m being court-martialed… Hold on. Was he… smiling? “Sorry, sir,” she said quickly. “No, I wouldn’t advise that. Ambassador Spock’s mission to Romulus may look very laudable to us, but from the Romulan perspective he and his supporters are outliers. Reunification of Romulus and Vulcan? Hey, when I was a kid, I wanted a unicorn. With wings. I didn’t get one. I didn’t even get a damn pony—”

“A personal mission of peace, the ambassador calls it.”

“Well, the Romulans consider it very personal. Almost…” She scraped around for a word that wouldn’t offend. “Um. Idiosyncratic?”

“In other words, they think he’s a crank.” He was most definitely smiling. “Carry on talking so frankly to me, Commander,” he said, “and we shall get along very well. Very well indeed.”

The door buzzer sounded. He called out, “Come.” Kaul came in.

“Apologies for the interruption, sir, but you asked me to let you know immediately when the ship was ready for you.”

“Ah, yes, thank you, Kaul! Yes, I’ll be on my way shortly.” He turned back to Raffi. “The Starship Verity has been assigned to lead the first fleet out to Romulan space. A nice name, don’t you think?”

“Sure…?”

“ ‘A true principle, especially one of fundamental significance.’ ” He looked pleased. “I believe that remembering such things will be crucial to the success of our undertaking. Above all, we are on a mission to protect, preserve, and save lives.”

Raffi nodded, faintly. This meeting was not going in the slightest how she had anticipated. No presentation. He said he’d already watched it half a dozen times. He clearly didn’t want it in person. For some reason they were now discussing eternal verities. She was a simple intelligence officer, maybe turned a mite suspicious by having to think like a Romulan twenty-four hours a day. She wasn’t any kind of philosopher. Why was she here?

“Lieutenant Kaul,” added Picard conversationally, “was on staff here before even I was. Seconded from Admiral Bordson’s office. Their loss has been my gain. She’ll be vital to operations here on Earth.”

There it was again, that extraneous information, as if giving her a picture of the setup here.

“Sir,” said Raffi, “may I ask you something?”

“By all means,” said the Great Man. “You must always feel you can speak freely to me.”

She’d never had any superior officer say that to her. Sometimes quite the contrary.

“This isn’t a briefing, is it?” said Raffi. “This is an interview.”

“That’s correct, Commander. My apologies if I kept my cards close to my chest, but I wanted to see how you answered my questions face-to-face.” He sipped some of his revolting tea. “You’ve answered them most satisfactorily.”

“Which means…?”

“Which means I’d like you as my XO.”

She put down her cup with a rattle. Tea spilled. “Shit!”

His mouth twitched. “I sincerely hope not. Most certainly we have some difficult times ahead. More difficult than either of us can imagine.”

She turned and looked out through the transparent aluminum partition into the busy office. All those people, dashing about, putting the nuts and bolts of this mission together, building this operation from data, information, decisions, actions. Sure, it was easy to take the piss out of the padd pushers, but nothing could happen without them. Working out what was needed, where it could be found, how to get it all to the right place at the right time. She had no idea how to do this… She took a breath. How do you say “no” to a legend?

“Sir,” she said, “I’m not an administrator.”

He blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I mean, this is a flattering offer, sir, I hope you understand that. Truly flattering. But an operation like this?” She gestured to the room beyond. “I’m not cut out for this kind of work. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

She saw understanding dawn in his eyes. “Ah, there has been a misunderstanding. I have a very able administrator arriving to head up the office here on Earth, Commander Crystal Gbowee. She’s on her way from Starbase 192 as we speak. She’s worked with the UFPHCR coordinating numerous missions— she was on Bajor for a while after the Occupation, and on Cardassia Prime during the reconstruction effort there. Once she arrives, I shall move over to the fleet. This mission must get underway, and soon.” He glanced out across the busy room. “No, the appointment here is filled, I’m afraid. I’m sorry if that’s a disappointment.”

His eyes were quietly twinkling with suppressed mirth. No, of course he didn’t want her here. She’d be no damn good here, would she?

“Then—”

He leaned forward in his seat, held her eye, very serious now. “I’m asking you to come aboard my ship, Commander. Be my first officer on the Verity. But I’m asking more than that, and I think you know it. I have left my crew behind on the Enterprise. I must replace them, and if I am to succeed, I need an excellent XO. And what I require above all from my XOs is honesty. I shall need you always to tell me the truth. What do you say? Is that something you believe that you could do?”

Shit, she thought, and managed not to say it out loud this time. No, this was not what she’d been expecting when she’d walked into this room.

“It’s a big decision,” he was saying. “There may be all manner of ties keeping you here on Earth…”

Gabe had a soccer match next week. She’d missed the last one putting together that damn presentation. “When does the ship leave?”

“Six days.”

So she could make Gabe’s match. But there would be the next match, or the match after, the long months away, the individual seconds and moments of simply being present that were tiny for her, but that constituted the whole of Gabe’s life, his childhood.

“I…” Damn, she wanted this post. She could do this job. She was made to do this job. She’d known the second she walked into this room that she wanted to work with this man in some way. But she’d never imagined she would be offered this. Right hand to a legend. Right in the middle of the greatest operation that Starfleet would ever mount.

He was smiling at her. “Would you like to see the ship, Commander? The Verity? You’d be spending a lot of time there, after all. You can make your decision after that.”

“Yes,” she said, already knowing what her decision would be. “I’d love to see the ship.”

[green-blooded]

So, the TNG episode Sarek. If you haven’t seen it, there are some content warnings for terminal illness and dementia, because that’s what the episode is about. And it’s real sad, and I feel like a lot of people discount it when talking about Sarek as a character, so here goes.

First, a very brief summary.

The episode starts with Picard and Riker going to greet Sarek, who is completing one last mission before retirement. He’s been working on a treaty with the Legarans for 93 years, and he’s the only one they’ll talk to. He’s accompanied by his current wife Perrin (also Human), a Human chief of staff, and a Vulcan personal assistant named Sakkath. 

Unbeknownst to the Enterprise crew and Sarek himself at this point, the three people with Sarek all know that he has Bendii syndrome, which causes him to be unable to control his emotions. The symptoms have been slowly getting worse over the years, and the stress of this particular mission aggravates it to the point that Sakkath can’t help him. A bunch of stuff happens (which I’ll be talking about later) and Dr. Crusher and Troi figure out what’s wrong with him, and Picard has to confront him about the problem. They determine that they only way to complete the diplomatic mission is for Sarek and Picard to mind meld for a couple of hours, so Sarek will have the emotional control to complete the treaty negotiation. The negotiation is successful and Sakkath assures Picard that he’ll be able to help Sarek keep his emotions under control until they get to Vulcan. The disease is not reversible, so it will only get worse with time.

There are a few parts of this which I think are key to understanding Sarek at all times of his life, and that’s really my motivation in making this post. I think some of his actions make more sense if you understand where he’s coming from.

First of all, Sarek loves Mozart.

Sarek loves Mozart, and this is well known enough that Picard et al. have planned a Mozart concert for his visit. Not a Vulcan composer, a Human one. He’a also remarried at some point after Amanda’s death, and chose to marry another Human woman. His chief of staff is also a Human. Perrin states that he’s taken an interest in Picard’s career, yet another Human.

Sarek does not appear to consider Humans inferior to Vulcans. Maybe Sybok would like us (and Spock) to THINK he does, but that’s just not reflected in any of his actions. 

On a side note, the scene where he is moved to tears by the Mozart concert is one of the scenes that has stayed with me since I was a child. Not because it’s Sarek showing emotion--I didn’t know who he was the first time I saw this episode--but because it’s so rare for a man to show that kind of emotion on television. It’s really interesting how jarring it is to the viewer because he’s a dignified older man while also being jarring to the characters because he’s a Vulcan, and specifically he’s Sarek.

Maybe that’s why I have a different view of Sarek than people who didn’t start with TNG, because this is the scene I have always associated most with this character. Like, the way a TOS fan feels watching Pike in Discovery knowing what direction his life takes? This is how I feel about Sarek, too. This well-respected Vulcan ambassador who isn’t supposed to feel emotions, moved to tears by beautiful music... then rushed out of the concert because the others are trying to shield him from realizing that his health is failing. Just heartbreaking. And when Picard brings it up later in the episode, Sarek’s reaction is even more heartbreaking.

PICARD: But you needed his help at the concert. Or is there possibly some other logical explanation for what happened that night? SAREK: What happened? PICARD: I saw you crying. SAREK: I do not cry. PICARD: I was there I saw the tears. SAREK: You exaggerate, Captain. I recall only one tear. PICARD: So you were emotionally affected by the music. SAREK: That is not possible! PICARD: You still haven't answered my question, Sarek. Is it logical for a Vulcan to cry? SAREK: It was late. I was fatigued. Nothing more. The Legarans trust only me. They will not meet with any other member of the Federation. I must be allowed to complete my mission! There are no other logical solutions!

And this is the part where I say that if you haven’t seen the episode recently (or ever), please, please watch it. Nothing I could say would really spoil the episode. The performances are so good, and there’s no way to express that with only the dialogue. Sarek is trying so hard throughout this confrontation to control his emotions, and you can see him deteriorating. You can see how sick he is. It’s so much worse for him than the illness he was suffering in Journey to Babel. This illness strips him of his control, which has always defined him. Look at his face when he finally admits to “one tear.”

This is the point where Picard keeps pushing him until he... basically has a breakdown.

PICARD: No other logical solutions? But Ambassador, there are always other solutions. You have said so yourself many times. SAREK: What I meant was that... PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan would never be afraid of looking straight at something he did not want to see. SAREK: I warn you! Your efforts to discredit me will not succeed! PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan never confused what he wanted with the truth. SAREK: I will not be spoken to in this manner! PICARD: Do I hear anger in your voice? SAREK: It would be illogical for a Vulcan to show anger! It would be illogical! Illogical! Illogical! Illogical!

I think it’s important to note that moment Sarek really starts to lose his temper completely is when Picard says that he never “confused what he wanted with the truth.”

This cuts to the heart of who Sarek is. He has always denied himself things that he wanted (as we’ll see later in the episode) in favor of what he believed was the truth, what was best for everyone.

But then he realizes that he’s become angry about this very reality, and he just breaks and it’s so sad. You can see tears in his eyes.

After this, it’s clear he can’t handle the negotiations, so Perrin begs Picard for help, and Picard goes to Sarek with her suggestion that they mind meld. The whole conversation is great, but I’m going to bold the parts that are most important to this discussion.

SAREK: A mind-meld? Between the two of us? Do you realize the dangers involved in what you are proposing, Captain? PICARD: Yes, I do, Ambassador. But I also realize the potential benefits. SAREK: We would be linked telepathically, sharing our thoughts, becoming in essence one mind. PICARD: Which, for a few hours, should provide the emotional control you need. In that time, you can meet with the Legarans and conclude the treaty. SAREK: It is a generous offer. But I must warn you that while I would gain your stability, you would experience the fierce onslaught of emotions unleashed by my condition. Vulcan emotions are extremely intense. We have learned to suppress them. No human would be able to control them. They would overwhelm you. The mind-meld can be a terrible intimacy. I cannot allow it. PICARD: I'm aware of the risks. But it is the only logical solution. SAREK: Your courage honors me, Captain.

Again, the text really doesn’t do justice to Mark Lenard’s performance. It’s so good. The way he catches himself becoming emotional and stumbles over words is so spot on and affecting.

Anyway, here’s his face when he says “The mind-meld can be a terrible intimacy.”

Which I highlight not only because it’s a beautiful line, but also it gives me a chance to remind you that Sarek never mind-melded with Spock.

And I think that says a lot on its own, but in the context of what Sarek is saying here, it’s really enlightening about some of his behavior. According to Sarek, Vulcans have such powerful emotions that a Human COULD NOT HANDLE THEM. So, what does that say for his half-Human son? 

I don’t know, maybe all those times he pushed Spock to be more Vulcan and to maintain more control over his emotions had something to do with his concern about his VULCAN emotions harming him, not because he didn’t like the Human part of Spock. I’m not saying he did it the right way, but I think it makes it a lot more clear why he was so hard on Spock about certain things.

Then we get to the real intense part of the episode, where Picard has to take on Sarek’s emotions so he can complete the treaty. While Picard has pretty good control for a Human, we see what Sarek is actually going through that he hasn’t been expressing.

There’s a lot, so I’m going to break it down.

PICARD (as Sarek): No! It is wrong. It is wrong! A lifetime of discipline washed away, and in its place bedlam. Bedlam! I am so old. There is nothing left but dry bones and dead friends. Tired, oh so tired.

We see here, again, discipline is how he defines himself, and having it taken away is the worse possible thing for him, and the transition to talking about his age and his dead friends isn’t coincidence. Remember, he is close with Humans, and he’s over two-hundred years old, which is old even for a Vulcan. It’s not only Amanda he’s had to watch grow old and die while he kept going, but probably ever Human friend he’s had.

PICARD (as Sarek): No! This weakness disgusts me! I hate it! Where is my logic? I am betrayed by desires. I want to feel. I want to feel everything. But I am a Vulcan. I must feel nothing. Give me back my control. CRUSHER: Jean-Luc! PICARD (as Sarek): Perrin. Amanda. I wanted to give you so much more. I wanted to show you such tenderness. But that is not our way. Spock, Amanda, did you know? Perrin, can you know how much I love you? I do love you!

He sees his desire to feel as a weakness, and views being a Vulcan as “feeling nothing” even though we know that’s not actually true of Vulcans. He’s even said himself that Vulcans have powerful emotions that they’ve learned to suppress. Judging by every Vulcan we’ve ever seen on the show, and Sakkath in this very episode, Vulcans still feel their emotions and have to regularly maintain their suppression through meditation, etc. Meditation which Sarek has been unable to do for weeks, as mentioned early in the episode, while Sarek is deep in denial about his condition.

And then of course the part about Perrin, Amanda, and Spock. If Sarek never felt anything, how could he have wanted to show them tenderness? How could he have loved them this whole time? That’s where he’s always struggling. He sees being Vulcan and being unfeeling as the same thing, yet he never achieves that. He feels deeply while also needing to maintain the appearance of total lack of emotion. As he said when Picard first mentioned that he suspected Sarek of having Bendii Syndrome “I have been accused of many things in my life, never an excess of emotion.”

Lastly, even in this state, even with Picard unable to keep his emotions under control, notice that he can’t manage to direct anything AT Spock. Everything he says is to Perrin and Amanda. He says Spock’s name, but then says “Amanda, did you know?” Which can’t directly apply to Spock... Spock is still alive. He’s not able to say anything about Spock until the disease has progressed much further in the episode Unification, Part 1. There is the popular line about Spock disappearing into the mountains, but the last part of what he says often gets left out.

SAREK: No. I never knew what Spock was doing. When he was a boy, he would disappear for days into the mountains. I asked him where he had gone, what he had done, he refused to tell me. I insisted that he tell me. He would not. I forbade him to go. He ignored me. I punished him. He endured it, silently. But always he returned to the mountains. One might as well ask the river not to run. (lies down again) But secretly I admired him, the proud core of him that would not yield. PICARD: Sarek, we're a part of each other. I know that he has caused you pain but I also know that you love him. SAREK: Tell him, Picard.

So, if you didn’t know Sarek admires and loves his son, now you know! 

And, now the last part of Picard during the mind-meld:

CRUSHER: I'm here, Jean-Luc. I'm not going anywhere. PICARD: It's quite difficult. The anguish of the man, the despair pouring out of him, all those feelings, the regrets. I can't stop them. (He falls, sobbing, into her arms) PICARD: I can't stop them. I can't. I can't. CRUSHER: Don't even try.

The way Picard describes Sarek’s feelings here is so important to me. Anguish, despair, regret. All of which are so intense that Picard sobs through this whole scene, something that is so far from how he usually behaves that it really drives home how intense these feelings are for Sarek all the time.

These feelings are not new. As Perrin said, the symptoms have been creeping up for a while, and after the mind-meld, Sarek says:

RIKER: And the Ambassador? SAREK: I am myself again. It has been a long time.

There’s no happy ending to this. No miraculous cure or surgery that fixes it. Sarek will become more ill and tormented by all the emotions he never allowed himself to feel when he was younger. There are still deep divisions between himself and Spock to the point that Perrin is angry at Spock for how he treats his father, but Sarek doesn’t seem to share that anger. Probably because he knows all of the mistakes he made with Spock. That’s part of why he has so many regrets, after all.

Basically, my point is this. I think it’s easy to look at Sarek as a Spock fan and see all of his faults. But he’s actually a really complex character who cared about his son a lot, and just didn’t always know what was best for him. He’s definitely not as unfeeling and uncaring as he can seem. It’s just an uncomfortable fact that parents aren’t perfect and can do harm no matter how much they love their children. Which is one of those themes that comes up a lot in Star Trek, but I think this iteration of it is extremely well done and moving through all of the various series and movies.

There aren’t any easy answers and barely any resolution. The relationship between Sarek and Spock never stops being tense and difficult. It’s just how things are with family sometimes, even when you care about each other.

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 8: 1x22 Space Seed

I’m really tired right now for some reason... I mean it’s definitely the hour a normal person would start to feel sleepy (or already be asleep) but not me lol. I probably didn’t pay enough attention to this episode, which is a shame because it’s a good one, but I tried.

That’s a weird opening shot, from the back of the bridge. It makes the space look really small.

Uhura reading Morse Code!

“An emotional Earth weakness of mine”

I can’t believe Kirk and Spock are having a nerd competition.

The 1990s!

“Or an old earth ship being used by aliens”--this is such a cool idea!! That should have been a story line at some point.

I love when they find old space stuff.

Great shot of the two ships together--the Enterprise is so beautiful!

“The records from that era are fragmentary.”

Kirk hearing Spock and Bones banter: “uh this is great and all but we have stuff to do.”

Kirk hates that there’s a historian on board like ugh, useless historian.

Bones and his hatred of transporters again. “This gadget.”

“You’re an old-fashioned boy, McCoy.”

Scotty’s nerding out about the old ship.

2018!! They had to use cryo sleep before 2018! We were supposed to have warp by now, I’m so cheated.

I can’t believe no one knows what the Botany Bay is a reference too; don’t you know your history at all, nerds?

Then they just push a random button and wake some guy up!

McGivers isn’t paying the slightest bit of attention. This is probably why Kirk doesn’t like her.

Guess the casting department in 2012 didn’t get the part about “Northern India.” Must have thought they said “whitest part of England.”

And after all that work, traveling all that time and space, he’s almost killed by some dust.

McGivers is really distracted by his hotness I guess.

When Kirk needs to think, he goes to stand by Spock. Who happens to be bending over whatever.

Finally someone remembers the Botany Bay!

Earth was on the verge of a dark age...that’s actually pretty true.

Spock is wrong about a lot of things today.

Kirk’s not even mad or frustrated by Spock’s whole ‘I have no emotions, I don’t know what irritation is” thing. He just loves him so much and accepts this about him completely.

“I’m good but I’m not that good.” Oh Bones, yes you are.

Kirk sharing his opinions on men with McGivers. Yet again the gender dynamics in this show are... a thing. But I’m zeroing in on bi!Kirk anyway lol.

“A fair psychologist? Bones, come on--I’d be great.”

“Well either choke me or cute my throat, but make up your mind.” McCoy is the BEST. So brave.

Kirk isn’t fooled at all by this “I’m tired” crap. Tired? I thought you were a superman.

I find Khan fairly annoying but I do admit he has a certain gravitas...

The events of 1993... only 90′s kids would understand.

I feel like Kirk’s hand is sitting all the way over there just begging to be held by Spock.

So the 80-90 escapees weren’t even everybody?? How many supermen did they create?

McGivers is an interesting character but she makes me really uncomfortable.

Khan did a really bad job styling her hair lol. He just pulled out a few strands of her hair and then said he was done. Also I don’t know what she’s talking about, that hairstyle is not “comfortable.” (A man wrote this.)

Lol where did Khan find those clothes?

Spock comes to formal dinner, ready to start shit.

Ironic that Spock is so against the idea of a singular ruler for all of Earth when every last person on his planet follows the same quasi-religion/philosophy.

“You have a tendency to express ideas in military terms, Mr. Khan.”

This scene with McGivers and Khan has more intrigue and tension than ALL of STID. He makes STID!Khan look like a little boy. That version was always declaring his strength, but this one just projects strength. The way he manipulates McGivers is so succinct and so creepy and so effective.

Absolute ruler from 1992-1996.

It’s weird how so much of this episode seemed to be allegedly built on this “who is this person” mystery but like....did anyone ever NOT guess he was one of the strongmen they keep referring to?

Spock does not like the romanticization of dictators.

Kirk is so strong, too, though. His demeanor is really powerful. Another mistake of STID was pitting such a young Kirk against Khan. There’s no interest in that.

“They’ve thrown away their own worthless vessel.” Someone’s angry that the Enterprise got stolen from him--again.

Plus side, he gets to dramatically give commendations while struggling for air.

This fool trying to give Uhura orders lmao nice try.

This is such a classic super-villain error: “oh I am so confident he must be dead, I’m not even going to check.”

McGivers wants to play both sides.

I can’t believe that for all that, Khan was defeated by a bit of plastic.

“I’ve regained control of the Enterprise, nbd, now time for the actual hard stuff.”

Of course Kirk has not only read Milton, he IMMEDIATELY know exactly what part of Paradise Lost Khan is referring to.

The ending of this ep is, of course, classic... Truly wild. I mean weirdly I remember it as like a compromise, kinda, like Kirk shows mercy at the same time as he exiles Khan to a barely habitable planet, but actually in the context of just this ep--kinda seems like Khan got what he wanted. Like he didn’t get a population to control, but he was set free on a planet all his own to conquer so...

I mean obviously it went badly but still.

Weirdly, I remembered some stuff wrong about this ep. I thought that the Botany Bay criminals were exiled on purpose, probably because of the name of the ship, but the ep implies that actually they escaped and went off on their own, on purpose. What with the “unaccounted for” language and Khan as the leader.

Also, I remembered criticizing STID for stating that the other criminals were Khan’s friends, even as close as family, when really what I remembered from Space Seed was that all the supermen were out for themselves. But he does go through the effort of waking them and so on. That said, I don’t think they’re friends. I think the others are useful to Khan, and he’ll keep them around as long as they’re useful and deferential to him. I think he wouldn’t hesitate to kill any of them if they stepped out of line.

Anyway. I am so exhausted right now. I wish I’d been more... into and aware of this ep tbh. Next up is A Taste of Armageddon, which I remember being a very good ep.

[portals-to-a-new-world]

You Know What They Say About Assuming: Chapter 3

Who?: Leonard McCoy x Reader

What?:  “Y’know, Doctor, it’s a good thing I like watching your lips move; otherwise, I might never hear anything you say.” “Lieutenant, that is highly illogical, as you have no history of hearing problems.” “Ignore her, Spock.” “Oh, it’s not a hearing problem, Commander. It’s a concentration problem. I find the good doctor’s looks are completely unfair and entirely too perfect to ignore.” “Lieutenant, might I remind you that you are not there to flirt.” “My apologies, Captain.” Bones’ eyes flashed with anger, and his jaw clenched to avoid throwing his tricorder. Boy, you had really done it this time.

Word Count: 1808

Warnings: SMUT!!!

Flirting with Bones had become much more entertaining; as difficult as that was to believe. As opposed to the scowls you used to receive, now you got flirted right back at; sometimes he even flirted first. Ever the quick study, he picked up on your responses and now knew exactly what to say to make your heart rate increase; which would be great, except he seemed to love to push your buttons at the absolute worst times possible. You supposed you deserved it after all the flirting you did, but damn if it wasn’t frustrating. Couple that with the fact that he was being a true southern gentleman and had yet to even attempt to take things further than second base, and you had a recipe to make a (y/n) about as grumpy as Bones himself. Which is why you found yourself sparring in an attempt to let off some steam. Unfortunately, this seemed to do nothing but increase your frustration. You ended up going back to your quarters for a shower, and when you got out, you found a message from Len telling you to meet him in his office at the end of his shift. You threw on your uniform dress and hurried there, wondering what could be so important that he would call you to his office. You smiled at Christine as you went by, and found the door to Leonard’s office open, with Jim standing in it.

“I’m serious Bones. If you don’t do something-” He cut his sentence off as he looked over and saw you. “(y/n)! I heard you’ve been plotting to spoil our niece,” He said, and you narrowed your eyes at his happy demeanor.

“Captain, what are you up to?” You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Nothing! Not a single thing. Just talking to Bones here about one of his patients,” He gestured to the man in question, who rolled his eyes.

“Hey, beautiful,” Leonard said, and before Jim could even open his mouth, he cut him off. “No, not you. Her.” Jim looked mildly offended and held his hand to his chest dramatically.

“Why, Doctor McCoy, you wound me!” You shook your head at Jim’s antics and pushed passed him to enter the room. Jim’s communicator went off as you went over to Len and planted a kiss on his lips. “Bones, I’m serious about that patient. If I don’t see an improvement, I’ll have to find a second opinion,” Jim said when you broke apart. Leonard just rolls his eyes and waves him off. “(y/n), see you tomorrow for the away mission?”

“Aye, Captain,” You said, offering him a salute. He shakes his head and walks out the door. “So, what’s up, doc?” You giggle at the side-eye Leonard gives you. “Sorry couldn’t resist,” He shakes his head as he gets up and closes the door. “Seriously though, what is up? I’m not in trouble, am I?” He gestures for you to take a seat on the couch as he goes over to retrieve the glasses and bottle of bourbon he has stashed in his desk.

“That depends. Did you make Ensign Rosenbaum cry yesterday?” Your eyes went wide.

“Did I? I mean, I may have gotten a little frustrated with her, but I didn’t think I was that harsh.” He cocks an eyebrow as he walks over to sit down, holding out a glass for you.

“(y/n), Jim said she tried to request a transfer. Whatever you did, it was more than a little frustrated. In fact, Jim seems to be under the impression that the whole crew thinks you’ve gone off the deep end,” You took the proffered glass and downed it in one go, earning an even more concerned glance from the man sitting beside you. “Hey. Come on, you know you can talk to me. What’s got you wound so tight, darlin’?” How the hell do I say anything without scaring you off? “Is it something I’ve done?”

“No! Well. Sort of but it’s not what you think. I promise you that you’re okay, and I’m not upset with you,” You said in a rush. This just served to confuse him even more, and you let out a frustrated sigh. “Can I just kiss you? Please?” You said, moving closer to him. He cocked an eyebrow but nodded his head. You reached over and pulled his glass from his hand and placed it on the table before your lips crashed against his in what quickly became a hungry kiss. He groaned as you swiped your tongue over his lips, granting your silent request as his hands came to grip your hips. A fight for dominance in the kiss followed and with neither of you willing to give in, lasted until you were forced apart by the complete lack of air. You leaned your forehead against his, trying to catch your breath before leaning down to whisper in his ear.  “I think I need a professional diagnosis, Leo,” Before you knew what was happening, he had you pulled into his lap, so you were straddling him.

“Why, it would be my genuine pleasure to help out a beautiful woman like you, darlin’. Just sit back and let’s see what the problem is,” He reached down and grabbed your wrist, finding your pulse point with practiced ease. “Elevated pulse, I see,” His head dropped down, and he brushed his lips against your neck ever so slightly, causing a shudder to run down your spine. “Touch sensitivity? Why, Lieutenant (y/l/n), if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were in a state of sexual frustration,” He ghosted his lips over yours, pulling back as you tried to close the distance.

“If I am, it’s your fault, Leonard McCoy.” You quipped. He chuckled darkly and pressed a quick kiss to your lips.

“If you wanted more, all you had to do was ask,” He said as he dragged his lips slowly up your neck, nipping at every sensitive spot you had. “I can’t read your mind, sugar,” The sound of his husky tone in your ear was absolutely sinful, and you could feel him smirk against your skin when you moaned. “Mmm, lordy that’s a sound I could get used to.” His arm snaked around your waist to pull you back into his chest, and he dipped his head down again to suck a mark right at the base of your neck, eliciting another shuddering moan from you. He placed a gentle kiss on the spot before running his hands up under your uniform to grip your ass and grind his hips into yours. “Do you feel what you do to me?” When you didn’t respond, he smacked your ass sharply, smirking as you gasped against his neck. “I asked you a question, Lieutenant.” You growled softly. Two could play this game.

“Yes, Doctor,” You purred, giving him the most innocent look you could muster whilst being on top of him. It took all of your strength not to smirk at the way his eyes darkened, hands gripping your thighs tight enough to bruise. “But do you know what you do to me?” You ran your hand up his chest and claimed his lips for another kiss; tugging his bottom lip between your teeth as you pulled back. “How distractingly perfect these lips are? How legendary,” You paused to place a kiss on the pads of his fingers, and maybe sucking ever so slightly; but who can blame you when his breath hitches, and he growls deep in his chest. “These hands are? Tell me, doctor, what is a girl to do when everything about a man makes her wonder what he’d feel like inside her?” The groan that escaped his lips as you ground against him was worth every second of not being able to touch him before.

“Off,” Was all he managed to say as he pushed you off him to start pulling at his uniform. You certainly didn’t have to be told twice, and only paused when you happened to glance over your shoulder to see him stroking himself, his eyes glued to your backside currently being presented to him as you were bent over to remove your panties. You stood up slowly, making your way back to him. “I’ve got half a mind to bend you over my desk and bury my face between your thighs till you scream my name, but lady’s choice,” You flushed right down to the tips of your toes, at the combination of his words and the way he was currently looking you up and down.

“Can I get a rain check on that? Cause right now I don’t care how you fuck me, just so long as you do it now,” He reached out and pulled you back into him for a bruising kiss, somehow managing to sit down and lift you into his lap without breaking it. His hand slipped in between your thighs, and he let out a low groan at the slickness.

“Is this all for me, sugar?” He began to stroke your clit, making you aware of just how close to the edge you are.

“Leo, please just shut up and fuck me,” He let out a breathless chuckle at your words, moving to line himself up with your entrance.

“Yes, ma’am,” He said, guiding you down on to him until he was fully seated inside you. Your breath caught in your throat, and you had to remind yourself to breathe for a moment as you tried to adjust to his size. “God, you’re so perfect, darlin’,” His accent had thickened with lust, and you could only imagine how your own must have sound. You both were lost in the sensations as you began to move, and soon you found yourself flying over the edge, clenching around him as he quickly followed suit. Neither of you moved for a while, too content to exist together in the moment. Finally though, you lifted yourself off of him, suppressing a moan at the feeling. After you had both dressed, he came and wrapped you into his arms. “Stay with me tonight?” He asked

“You aren’t worried about what people will think?”

“Sweetheart, we’ve been in here for a good long while. I’m more concerned that nurse Chapel is going to yell at me for contaminating the medbay area,” You laughed out loud, shaking your head at his small grin.

“Fair enough, doctor. I would be happy to spend the evening in your arms, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself,” You said with a wink. He let out an amused groan.

“Jesus, darlin’. You’re gonna be the death of me,” He said, resting his forehead against yours. You smirked.

“I could think of worse ways to go,”

[grandtheftstarship]

Our Little Broken Family (Spock x Fem!Reader)

Summary: [y/n] finds a small Vulcan boy in the wreckage of a Vulcan science vessel. Spock decides to help her take care of him.

Word Count: 2038 Posted: Tumblr, Wattpad Warnings: none that I know of :) Requested: On Wattpad

You sighed.

He's so perfect.

"[y/n]!" Uhura snapped her fingers in front of your face. "Enterprise to [y/n]."

"Sorry," you shook your head, lifting your chin off your hand.

"Girl, you are in too deep," she smirked. "We've only been on this ship for a few days and you are already smitten. What's up with you?"

"Oh, it goes way back," you muttered, twirling the spoon in your tea. "Since the academy, really."

"Oh man," she leaned back, laughter lacing her words. "You really are hitting rock bottom, eh?"

"Yeah," you let out another long sigh, returning your longing stare at the Vulcan across the room. "The bottom of the ocean."

Before you could become lost in thought, your and Uhura's communicators beeped.

"I'm needed in the transporter room," you stood up suddenly.

"And I'm needed on the bridge," she said. You noticed Spock stand up and walk over to you.

"Lieutenant, we are needed on the bridge," he said to Uhura before turning to you. "Good luck, Commander."

"You too," you told him, turning away abruptly and hurrying towards the transporter room. Your team and the captain were waiting for you there and he handed you a phaser.

"There's a disabled vessel on the surface of this planet," Jim explained. "We need you guys to get down there and retrieve any survivors."

"Aye aye, sir," you nodded, leading your team onto the pad. "Energize."

The gold beams spun around you and the next thing you knew you were on the planet's surface near the smoking vessel. You team followed you in a tight single-file line as you led them over the rough rock features, stopping once you held up a fist at the door of the ship.

"Edison, help me for a sec," you motioned to the ensign behind you. You gave him instructions as you pulled out your phaser, setting it to high power and started cutting into the metal hull. About five minutes later, you both had outlined a small hole in the wall. You held out an arm to push your team back a bit before slamming your shoulder into the impression which led to surprised yells from your officers. The impact from ramming into the metal surface and then on the floor of the vessel hurt, leaving some ripped skin and a large bruise. You waved off the concern of the redshirts around you, standing up and clicking on a flashlight.

You gasped in surprise.

"[y/l/n] to Enterprise," you spoke quietly into your communicator.

"Yes, commander what is it?" he responded.

"Captain, this ship appears to be of Vulcan origin," you said, ghosting your fingers over the broken control panels. Distorted murmurs came from your communicator and you knew Jim was talking with Spock.

"[y/n], that's impossible," you heard Spock say. "All Vulcan science vessels were destroyed along with the planet."

"I am aware of that," you replied, attempting to read the Vulcan writing on the flickering screen. "But the language seems to be Vulcan, along with the advanced technology there seems to be-"

You were cut off by a small cry sounding from within the ship.

"Enterprise, stand by," you whispered, hearing the protests of the bridge crew before you shut your communicator and motioned for your team to stay where they were.

You crept down the hall, following the whimpers. You entered through a broken door, barely making it through before a small form tackled you to the ground. You gasped in surprise, but relaxed when you were met by a small Vulcan boy, no more than the age of seven, sobbing into your uniform.

"Shhh," you cooed, rubbing his back softly. "Its alright sweetie. You're okay."

When he stopped crying and started sniffling, you pushed him slightly off your chest.

"What's your name, honey?" you asked softly, pushing his rustled hair our of his puffy eyes.

"T'Kian," he whimpered, rubbing at his eyes.

"Okay, T'Kian," you kept rubbing his back, trying to get him to calm down. "I'm going to take you back to my ship and introduce you to my captain, okay?"

He clung to your neck, forcing you to hold him as you walked back towards your team. They gave you questioning looks, but none of them spoke as you led them back over the rocky terrain to the place you would beam out.

"[y/n] to Enterprise. Nine to beam up," you closed your communicator and set T'Kian down, allowing him to grip your hand tightly. Once you materialized back on the ship, Jim, Bones, and Spock were all waiting for you.

"Captain," you said, leading the small boy down the steps. "This is T'Kian."

Seconds after the small introduction a team of nurses had tried to take T'Kian away from you, but he immediately started bawling. His cries turned to shrieks and he was thrashing around in their arms, trying desperately to be back in yours.

That led you to the present time, precisely three am. You were rocking the small Vulcan on your couch, attempting to get him to sleep so you could rest as well. You weren't expecting him to attach to you so quickly and you weren't sure how to even care for a seven-year-old emotional Vulcan who didn't know how to behave for his age. 

As the hours turned into days and the days turned into weeks, you found yourself becoming fond of him too. The only problem was that you weren't sure you were raising him to his full Vulcan potential.

"Spock?" you called. He turned around, eyebrow raised in the incredibly annoyingly sexy way. "I need your help."

From then on, Spock was almost always by your side, teaching T'Kian about the Vulcan culture that was lost and even giving him the harsh news about his planet. You started teaching him basic knowledge of the universe, and when he was finally comfortable being without you for a few hours Spock put him through the same simulations he did as a child.

The captain was completely understanding, allowing you to take as much time as you needed to take care of the small Vulcan. About a month and a half after Spock started assisting you, he corned you in the hallway.

"[y/n]," he began. "After spending numerous hours with you and the child, I believe it would be an appropriate time to confess."

You stared at him, heat rising to your cheeks, afraid of what he was going to say.

Does he hate my guts? Does he never want to talk to me again? Am I THAT annoying that he-

"I believe I am in love with you, [y/n]," he finished and for the first time (you believed ever), he looked uncertain of his words.

You smiled, leaning forward and placing a quick kiss on his lips. "Good."

He stared at you in disbelief, before allowing a small grin to form on his lips.

"Since you're always in my quarters anyways... would you like to move in? I'm sure T'Kian wouldn't mind," you said shyly.

"That would seem wise," Spock mused, looking down at you tenderly.

You had never thought, let alone guessed, that Spock slept shirtless. Yet, here he was, standing before you with nothing on but sweatpants.

"Is this... unpreferable?" he asked you, a green tint glowing on his ears.

"N-no! It's fine," you added, embarrassed. You changed into your usual [favorite sleepwear], and slid into bed next to Spock. It was beyond nice, snuggling into his side and knowing you had a good night's rest ahead of you.

A few hours later, the door to your bedroom opened and the soft pitter-patter of bare feet echoed a little against the walls. You were wrapped tightly in Spock's arms, fast asleep until a small form wriggled itself between you both. Spock stirred slightly, yawning, and made room for T’Kian to wiggle in. Once he had made himself comfortable, Spock threw his arms loosely around your back. You rested your hand on his side, holding T'Kian in a firm embrace with the other. Before you drifted back into the darkness, you heard a whisper.

"G'night Mommy and Daddy."

Your eyes opened, meeting Spock's. Your faces were surprisingly close, despite the little Vulcan between you. A smile grew on his face, causing one to blossom on yours as well.

"Night, Pops," you yawned, shutting your eyes, a smile still gracing your lips. You felt him hum a laugh slightly. Before you drifted off a second time, Spock had captured your hand in a Vulcan kiss. Your face heated up, but you smiled wider nonetheless.

Waking up in Spock's arms was just as amazing as you thought it was going to be. Waking up in Spock's arms with T'Kian snuggled into your chest was even better.

T'Kian started having intense nightmares about the destruction of his planet and the death of his mother, causing him to come sniffling into your and Spock's room. When you woke up in the morning, Spock would take your hand in a Vulcan kiss since he was not comfortable kissing you in front of the newest member of your family.

On the few mornings he didn't have night terrors and slept soundly in his room, Spock woke you with a regular human kiss. You loved it when T'Kian snuck into your cozy covers, but some alone time with your boyfriend was always a blessing.

Frisky business was done in Spock's private quarters every so often since you didn't want the innocent boy to walk in on you.

Four years later, the five-year mission had come to an end. You and Spock had bought a small house in San Fransisco where you were able to raise T'Kian in a proper setting. You had enrolled him in a local school for Vulcans, where he found his newfound love for science just like Spock.

Throughout the year that you and your little family were on Earth, you and Spock got married and successfully adopted T'Kian. Spock was beyond thrilled to have a true son and spent endless hours telling him stories of his people.

Your parents even moved to San Fran, helping you take care of your new son and be the grandparents they always wanted to be.

You were so happy.

Until you got the call.

You were excited, to say the least, about the new mission you were going on. It was only three years this time, shorter than the last one, but still, a long time to be away from your family. You pleaded with the admiral to let you bring T'Kian along, but he refused, claiming it to be much too dangerous for an untrained, eleven-year-old Vulcan boy to be going on a deep space mission.

You knew you had to go. This was your dream job, you were needed, and you had to leave your son in your parent's capable arms. You contemplated staying, but you knew that Spock would try and stay with you and you couldn't let him do that. He was the first officer, and he was needed.

T'Kian took the news surprisingly well. He was practicing his control over his emotions, even though he held on to your neck and shed a few tears.

"I love you T.K," you murmured, using the little nickname you had for him. "I always will, and don't you forget it."

He nodded, wiping the tears out of his eyes. "I love you too, Mommy.”

You let Spock have a moment with him, carrying your bags onto the shuttle. 

Spock followed you in, allowing you to wave at your son and your parents one final time.

Spock let you cry on his shoulder for the whole shuttle ride. He tried to hide his own tears as well. You looked up at your husband, who returned your gaze, sympathy, hurt, and love pouring from his eyes.

Oh, how you loved your little-broken family.

[v-thinks-on]

The Adventure of the Dead Duke

Part 6 of Generations

First | Previous | Next

Note: Please pardon this slight detour into a holographic recreation of 19th century London, where our noble heroes will solve a most perplexing mystery. (This chapter also features conversations between Spock and Data, and Kirk and La Forge, so it’s not entirely fluff.)

Jim struggled with his waistcoat. At least the new Starfleet uniforms were simple. Under all these layers, he didn’t know how he was going to manage to walk around the holodeck without burning up, let alone chase down some holographic criminal. But the costumes were impressive, he would give them that.

He drew out a large circular watch from his breast pocket and flipped it open like a communicator. “We should go. We don’t want to be late for the game.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow at Jim. He looked quite striking. He wore his heavy British overcoat like a Vulcan robe; long and flowing. Underneath was a black waistcoat that accentuated his sturdy figure, and a white undershirt for contrast. His stern expression - concealing bemusement - completed the image.

Jim couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

“We are fortunate that the male corset had fallen out of fashion by the late 19th century,” Spock remarked.

Jim just gave him a look and shrugged on his own overcoat.

Before they stepped out the door, Spock gave Jim a final once-over. “You make a highly respectable Dr. Watson.”

“You don’t make a bad looking Sherlock Holmes, yourself.”

With Spock’s permission, Jim gave him a quick peck on the lips. Their fingers brushed together, sending a rush of emotion through the bond to accompany the gentle kiss.

When they drew apart, Spock said, “I advise that you exercise caution in the holodeck. Such behavior would have been considered scandalous.”

“I’ll be careful,” Jim assured him with a wry smile.

Jim gestured for Spock to lead the way out into the corridor.

Kirk and Spock arrived at the holodeck to find that the interior had already been transformed into a cluttered, but cozy living room, right out of the past, with wooden furniture and scattered papers. The windows on the far side of the room looked out on a smoggy 19th century London street.

Data and La Forge had claimed the chairs in front of the fireplace. Data was dressed in the classic deer-stalker hat and Inverness cape, casually bowing at a replicated violin as though it was the most natural thing in the world - he played beautifully. La Forge had opted for what seemed to be the standard waistcoat. He wasn’t wearing an overcoat, which Kirk took as sufficient reason to leave his on a peg by the door as he entered.

Without glancing up at the new arrivals, Data said, “Mr. Holmes, Dr. Watson, welcome to 221B Baker Street.”

Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Thank you, Mr. Holmes.”

Suddenly, they heard someone knocking at a door behind them.

Kirk turned to find that the entrance to the holodeck had been replaced by another wall, in the center of which was the front door to the apartment. He hastily stepped aside and let Spock answer the door. A distressed young man, presumably well dressed for the period, with long, wavy blond hair, hurried inside.

The young man froze as he realized just how many people were present. “I’m looking for Mr. Sherlock Holmes,” he explained, glancing between all the possible candidates.

At last, Data put aside his violin and faced his visitor. “You are the son of a duke, recently deceased, here to ask about his murder. You suspect a member of your household.”

The young man stood open-mouthed at the declaration. “How- how do you know that?”

“Your attire is only befitting of someone of such a rank, but no higher, that you are in mourning is obvious by your black suit, and your suspicion is why you are here,” Data rattled off as though he were taking readings in engineering.

“Why, that is remarkable!” the young man exclaimed. “You have it exactly right!”

“Why don’t you have a seat and tell us about it?” Kirk suggested, gesturing toward the empty couch.

The young man seemed startled by the interjection. “O-Of course.” But he hesitated to sit down. “I mean no disrespect, gentlemen” - he glanced back at Kirk and Spock - “but this is a very delicate matter. I understand that to enlist the services of Mr. Holmes is to also call upon Dr. Watson” - he nodded at La Forge - “but I would prefer as few people to know as possible.”

“Certainly,” Spock said, reassuring in his unemotional confidence. “No word of your troubles will leave the present company. I am, in a manner of speaking, an older brother to Sherlock Holmes” - he gestured at Data - “with some powers of deduction of my own. This is my own Dr. Watson.” He motioned toward Kirk, who smiled at the young man in greeting.

“My apologies, Mr. Holmes,” the young man said to Spock. “If you are anything like your renown brother, then perhaps the more the better.”

His concerns assuaged, the young man sat down on the couch and began his tale propper, “My name is Harry Daniels. My father, the duke, died some weeks ago, passing his title on to my uncle, Claud. Just two days ago, he announced his engagement to my mother, Gertrude-”

Data cut him off, “You believe it was your uncle who murdered your father.”

Mr. Daniels hesitated. “I suspect, but I do not know. In short, I wish for you, Mr. Holmes” - he glanced between Data and Spock - “to prove whether my uncle is guilty or innocent.”

“Your uncle is innocent,” Data declared.

“How do you know that?” La Forge demanded. “I made sure this wasn’t just another Sherlock Holmes case!”

“I am aware,” Data said. “The case would be too simple if it was as Mr. Daniels suggests.”

Mr. Daniels made to protest.

Before he could get out a word, Data leaped to his feet and continued, “But we will take your case and uncover who it was that did murder your father.” He turned to La Forge - “Come along, Watson, we have a mystery to solve!”

The five of them stepped outside the flat and found themselves, not on a bustling London street, but on the open British moor. Before them loomed an ancient castle, surrounded for miles in all directions by desolate rolling hills beneath a cloudy grey sky. There was a chill in the air, enough to make Kirk regret leaving his overcoat behind.

Kirk frantically glanced around in an attempt to get his bearings - the others seemed to take it all in stride and quickly made their way to castle.

“We can go back and take the train if you want,” La Forge said, waiting behind with Kirk, “but this way is faster.”

Kirk shook his head. “It just takes a little getting used to. Now I think I understand how Bones feels about the transporter.” He felt Spock’s amusement in response.

As they hurried to catch up to Spock, Data, and Mr. Daniels, Kirk remarked, “This is quite the illusion.”

La Forge grinned. “Most of it’s just being displayed on the walls. The holodeck can do a lot more elaborate things than this. Take Sherlock Holmes’s apartment; everything in that room was a real replicated object.”

Kirk nodded. But even though that was the greater technical feat, the open moor was still more impressive. He almost forgot he was on a starship in outer space, not on the surface of a planet.

“My uncle is out, so you can see anything you like,” Mr. Daniels was saying as Kirk and La Forge met the others by the door.

The door swung open and they were greeted by a prim and proper butler.

“This is Prescott,” Mr. Daniels said. “His family has served the duchy for generations.”

Prescott helped Mr. Daniels out of his overcoat. He held out a hand for Spock’s coat and Data’s cape as well, but they both declined, so the butler retreated into the hall.

“Take us to the scene of the crime,” Data instructed.

Mr. Daniels led the way up the grand staircase to the duke’s room. It was ornately furnished, with an enormous bed that looked even softer than the ones on the Farragut. Data stepped inside and scanned the room from the center, no doubt making calculations at an inhuman pace. Meanwhile, Spock stood off to the side, watching Data and Mr. Daniels as much as examining the room itself. To do things properly he would have needed a tricorder, but he would make do without one.

Abruptly, Data strode over to the bed to examine a rope hanging down from the ceiling beside it. “This is how your father met his death,” he declared, pulling at the rope for emphasis.

“A bell pull?” Mr. Daniels asked, utterly confused.

“No. It appears to be a bell pull, but in fact it just goes up to that ventilator that leads into the other room, through which an ill-intentioned individual could direct a snake to slither down the rope and attack whoever is asleep in the bed.”

The others gathered around and sure enough, the end of the rope was fastened inside a gap in the wall that led into the neighboring room.

“You think my father was poisoned by a snake?” Mr. Daniels asked.

“Yes. What room does that ventilator lead into?”

Mr. Daniels led them all out of the duke’s room, to find that the adjacent room was nothing more than a broom cupboard.

“Anyone could have gone in there,” Mr. Daniels said with some disappointment.

“Unless everyone in your household keeps snakes, we have narrowed the possible suspects down considerably,” Spock said, but Kirk could feel some lingering doubt. He turned to Kirk - “Captain, your time may be better spent interviewing the members of the household.”

“That’s doctor to you,” Kirk corrected him with a grin.

“You forget that Dr. Watson was a military man” - Spock attempted to cover up his mistake.

Kirk just gave Spock a skeptical look and gestured for La Forge to follow him out of the room. “Let’s go.”

La Forge glanced at Data who agreed - “The members of the household may be able to shine some light on this mystery.”

“I’ll ring for Prescott,” Mr. Daniels said.

The butler soon arrived to lead Kirk and La Forge around the house on their own investigation. Meanwhile, Mr. Daniels led Spock and Data into his own room.

Data gave the room one sweeping glance and said, “Next.”

From there, they went on to the chamber of the woman of the house.

While Data scanned the room, Spock remarked, “Three years and seven days ago, you asked if I have missed my humanity. The answer that I gave you was incomplete. I have not missed my humanity because I never truly abandoned it.”

Data turned to face him, the mystery seemingly forgotten. “Then why do you live as a Vulcan?”

“Because I am a Vulcan and I was raised as a Vulcan, but I consider Vulcan philosophy to merely be the beginning. It needs flexibility, which I have found to be a very human trait.”

“I have also found flexibility to be a very human trait,” Data acknowledged.

He seemed to consider Spock’s words for a little longer before crossing the room to examine a crate leaning against the wall.

Finally, Data stood and declared, “On to the next.”

As they made their way through the hall, Data said, “I recently installed a chip that enables me to experience human emotions. They are more difficult to manage than I expected.”

Spock nodded. “Many Vulcans have spent their entire lives seeking to be free of the burden of emotion. I was fortunate enough to realize the futility of my goal before I attained it.”

“You attempted to ‘free yourself’ of all emotion? Why?”

“At the time, I thought it was the better way.”

“What changed your mind?”

“I experienced the mind of a being of pure logic, with no emotions or desires, and found it empty,” Spock explained. “Emotions must be managed. They are often unpleasant and unproductive. But without them, existence is meaningless.”

“I did not find my existence to be meaningless even before I installed the emotion chip,” Data protested.

“You were not entirely lacking in emotion when I met you on Romulus. Your desire to be human is an emotional one. You expressed disappointment at the thought that I had abandoned that which you have sought all your life.”

“I was not capable of experiencing emotion at the time,” Data insisted.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him. “Even Vulcans have emotions. Your feelings may not have been recognizably human, but that does not make them nonexistent.”

Data seemed unconvinced.

“Human emotions are particularly volatile,” Spock continued, “But they appear to be manageable.”

“Are Vulcan emotions different from Human emotions?”

 “It is difficult to tell. From a young age we are taught to handle them so differently that they become different, even if there is no inherent distinction between them.”

Data fell silent as they entered Mr. Daniels’s uncle’s room.

While Data scanned the room, Spock approached Mr. Daniels and asked, “Why do you suspect your uncle?”

The young man hesitated. “I hardly believe it myself. I would say I had gone mad, but I only went out to see because the servants were talking about it...” he trailed off.

Spock pressed him, “Any evidence you can provide may be essential to uncovering the culprit.”

Mr. Daniels nodded and reluctantly continued, “They said they had seen the ghost of my late father, that he was calling for me. I had no choice; I went out on the ramparts in the middle of the night and there he was, solemn and proud, shimmering in the darkness. He told me that his death was no accident, that my uncle murdered him and now he’s going to marry my mother. I don’t know whether to believe him, to believe my own eyes, but I couldn’t just do nothing!”

Once it was clear that Mr. Daniels’s account was complete, Spock asked, “You are certain that the ghost resembled your deceased father?”

“I think so,” Mr. Daniels said. “I couldn’t see him clearly in the dark, but…” he trailed off. “I don’t know what to believe.”

“You made the correct decision in seeking out Sherlock Holmes,” Spock said. “This case holds many points of interest, and when we have eliminated the impossible, we will find the truth.”

Meanwhile, Prescott let Kirk and La Forge back downstairs.

“The duke has a very large household,” Prescott explained. “I, my two children, and all the servants live in the castle.”

“That’s a lot of suspects…” La Forge said. “Do you know if anyone didn’t like the old duke?”

“He was well loved by his people and the servants alike,” Prescott said a little stiffly.

“What do you make of his successor?” Kirk asked.

“My family has served the duke for generations,” Prescott said, “I do my duty.”

“What about Harry Daniels?” La Forge attempted. “What do you think about him?”

“His behavior has been very erratic of late. The whole household has been concerned about him, especially my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” Kirk asked.

“She is enamored with him,” Prescott admitted with some disapproval, but he hastily smoothed out his expression as he let them into the drawing room.

Inside was the duchess in a long black dress, sitting on the couch. All around her was brightly colored cloth that she was hard at work embroidering in a floral pattern. She glanced up upon their arrival.

Kirk gave her an easy smile. “Is it alright if we ask you a few questions.”

She put aside the cloth she was working on. “Certainly.”

Kirk took a seat in the chair next to Mrs. Daniels and turned to her with a more serious expression. “We have some questions about your late husband,” he said delicately. “Do you know of anyone who didn’t like him for any reason?”

She shook her head. “He was a good man.”

“Are you sure?” Kirk pressed, leaning in a little closer. “Not even the smallest argument?”

“Well, he and old Duke Forester were rivals for decades, but there wasn’t really anything to it, and anyway, Forester died years ago. I suppose there are always enemies of the state.” You must have heard about the inquest. His death was a tragedy, but it was his time.” She gave a sad sigh and returned to her sewing.

Finally, when it was clear she would say no more, Kirk stood and said, “Thank you very much for your time.”

With that, he and La Forge followed Prescott out of the drawing room.

As they made their way into the servants’ part of the castle, Kirk asked La Forge, “Do you and Data do this often?”

“Not often, but it’s fun when we have the time.”

“And you’re always Watson and Data is always Sherlock Holmes?” Kirk asked.

“Of course,” La Forge said with a smile. “Data likes having the chance to show off. Usually I just follow him around while he does his thing - taking notes for the stories I’ll write of our adventures.”

“I see...” Kirk said. “It’s fun for a game, but I don’t envy Dr. Watson.”

“No, I guess not - at least out there, I know what I’m doing. But this is a nice break.”

“I suppose,” Kirk said. After a moment’s hesitation, he remarked lightly, “I used to be Spock’s commanding officer. I guess I’m not used to having things the other way around.”

But Kirk would have to get used to it. As an ambassador, Spock certainly out-ranked him. On Romulus, all Kirk would be doing was following Spock around, but he would find some way to make himself useful.

“No interest in command?” Kirk asked, diverting the conversation from his more serious thoughts.

La Forge shook his head. “I’m happy in the engine room.”

Kirk nodded in understanding. “Scotty felt the same.”

Suddenly, Kirk felt Spock’s presence in his mind. It was always there, but now it was clear and sharply defined. He was upstairs, in the servant’s quarters - in Prescott’s room.

Bring Prescott, Spock instructed. Do not let him out of your sight.

“Captain!” La Forge was saying. “Are you alright.”

Kirk’s eyes blinked open. He was downstairs, with La Forge.

“I just heard something, coming from upstairs,” Kirk attempted to cover for the momentary lapse with urgency.

“Are you alright?” La Forge asked. “It seemed like what happened at dinner the other night.”

Kirk waved it off. “I’m fine. It just sounded like something fell upstairs. We should check on it, and then we can start interviewing the servants.”

“If you’re sure,” La Forge said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“What’s the fastest way upstairs?” Kirk asked Prescott.

Prescott led them to the stairs. “But I heard nothing,” he insisted.

La Forge gave Kirk a concerned glance and Kirk just smiled back.

With Spock’s help, Kirk directed them to Prescott’s rooms. The door was open and inside stood Spock, Data, and Mr. Daniels.

Data strode up to Prescott and declared, “He is the culprit.”

Prescott ignored the others, pleading only to Mr. Daniels, “My lord, what is the meaning of this?”

“Did you kill my father?” Mr. Daniels demanded. His voice shook with emotion.

“Of course not!” Prescott protested. “I would never!”

“The evidence is conclusive,” Data insisted. “With my magnifying glass” - which he was still holding in his hand - “I can see the scales on the basket where you kept the snake. And on the shelf is the fluorescent powder you used to disguise yourself as the duke.” 

“Why did you do it?” Mr. Daniels cried. “He was a good man, even to the servants!”

“I do not believe Mr. Prescott acted alone,” Spock remarked. His demeanor remained serious, but Kirk could feel his wry amusement. “There is only one man who stands to gain from the scene that would unfold.”

“What do you mean?” Mr. Daniels asked.

“It would be best for you to see for yourself.” Spock caught Kirk’s eye and Kirk felt a spark of mischief. “Afterall, the play’s the thing to catch the conscience of the king.”

Prescott was restrained and locked away in his room. All of the other players gathered out on the grounds. Winds buffeted the open moor. Thankfully, La Forge had manipulated the program to retrieve Kirk’s overcoat from Baker Street. Now, it billowed out around him, though he didn’t look nearly as dramatic as Spock; a tall, stark figure in a fluttering black coat, looking out on the moor.

Kirk sidled up next to him. For a moment they just stood side by side. Kirk marveled at the open expanse, somehow condensed to fit on a starship. Their fingertips brushed together in a familiar gesture, and restrained affection passed between them. Kirk detected some metaphor about the changeability of nature that he didn’t have time to decipher.

“Everyone’s ready,” Kirk said at last.

“Good,” Spock said.

Finally, their fingers separated and they returned to the assembly gathered on the castle grounds. The servants had put up a small pavilion. In the middle were the young Mr. Daniels and Mr. Prescott’s son, Layton, prepared to duel for Prescott’s honor, with epees in hand. Data, La Forge and many of the servants had gathered around to watch the scene unfold, and on the far end were the duke and duchess, overseeing the whole proceeding from wooden thrones.

Spock positioned himself on the sidelines, just on the edge of the makeshift arena, to referee the duel, while Kirk joined Data in the audience. La Forge was positioned near the duke and duchess to direct them.

Spock raised his hand. The duelists saluted each other with their swords as Picard had taught Kirk to, and then the bout began. They seemed to size each other up, scuttling in and out in strange, almost galloping steps. Their blades met in the middle with a sharp clang and circled each other, one way and then the other.

And then with a sudden lunge, Mr. Daniels scored the first point.

The duel resumed. This time, their blades met in the middle almost immediately. Mr. Prescott tried for a hit, but was deflected. He knocked aside Mr. Daniels’s sword, but before he could lunge, Mr. Daniels slipped out of the parry and pricked Mr. Prescott’s hand, scoring the second point.

La Forge signaled to the duchess and she stood to propose a toast to her son. Her voice wavered, but it didn’t carry well anyway. The impression was clear enough, and she downed the glass of wine, sealing her fate.

As soon as she drank the wine, Spock signaled to Mr. Prescott to lunge for Mr. Daniels, striking him with his sword. Mr. Daniels struck back, knocking the sword out of Mr. Prescott’s hands. Mr. Prescott grabbed a conveniently placed platter to defend himself. He withstood a few more blows before he pushed back, knocking Mr. Daniels’s sword aside. The sword fell out of Mr. Daniels’s hands a little belatedly, but it did the trick.

Disarmed, Mr. Daniels dove for Mr. Prescott’s fallen sword - Spock nudged it toward him with his foot - and stabbed him with his own blade.

La Forge cued the duchess to fall.

“I am poisoned!” she cried and crumpled back in her chair - obviously still breathing.

“She’s dead,” La Forge declared.

“And so are you!” Mr. Prescott shouted at Mr. Daniels on Spock’s signal. His voice rose so he sounded almost uncertain and a touch manic rather than threatening or triumphant.

But was enough to cause Mr. Daniels to lunge at his uncle with Mr. Prescott’s sword.

The duke crumpled next and again La Forge declared him dead. Mr. Prescott followed, tumbling to the ground with a theatrical shout. And last, in the arms of his friend, Horace, Mr. Daniels breathed his last breath.

For a moment there was silence aside from the howling of the wind. And then came the sound of approaching footsteps, like a distant army marching upon the castle as none had for ages. They drew closer and closer until they thundered in the wind.

And then, the footsteps stopped.

“Where is this sight?” Picard proclaimed, dressed in period attire, as a soldier in bright red with a tall hat under his arm. “This quarry cries on havoc. O proud death, what feast is toward in thine eternal cell, that thou so many princes at a shot so bloodily hast struck?”

He picked his way through the crowd, over the fallen men, to claim the ring from the duke’s finger and take it as his own. But before he could complete his theft, the duke startled into action and pulled his hand away.

“Why, young Forrester?” the duke demanded.

Picard stepped backward. Around him, the dead stirred, revealing themselves to be alive.

“With sorrow I embraced my fortune: I have some rights of memory in this kingdom, which now to claim my vantage did invite me,” Picard attempted to explain.

“For revenge,” Data translated. “He blamed your brother for the death of his father. And if his plan had succeeded, he would have claimed your lands as well as his own.”

“What object is served by this circle of misery and violence and fear?” Spock declared. “It must tend to some end, or else our universe is ruled by chance, which is unthinkable.” His voice carried over the wind with a dramatic weight - apparently it was a Sherlock Holmes quote, though Kirk couldn’t have placed it.

 “There is nothing new under the sun,” Data concluded with a Sherlock Holmes quote of his own, “It has all been done before.”

After a moment of silence, the real humans erupted into applause as the holograms looked on in confusion. The actors bowed - first Picard, then Data and Spock together.

At last, La Forge ordered, “End program.”

Note: As a fan of both Star Trek and Sherlock Holmes, I just had to bring them together when the opportunity so clearly presented itself. The plot and all of Picard’s dialogue are taken directly from Shakespeare's Hamlet, with only minor modifications.

[thekoshertribble]

“I'm not some simple shepherdess you can awe” Women of Star Trek #19 “Who Mourns for Adonais?” Lt. Carolyn Palamas

Oh boy, I am not looking forward to writing this one.

Before we begin: I don’t usually find myself identifying in any way with the characters I talk about on this blog, but this one is an exception. Carolyn Palamas’ story is one of the worst I’ll be discussing in this series. I think anyone who’s seen the episode, and knows what happens to her would agree with that, but for me it’s personal. I know how she felt. I’ll get to that later, but for now let’s talk about Carolyn.

(Before I go any further, I should caution you that I’ll be discussing some rather sensitive topics: abusive relationships, physical and psychological abuse, implied rape and unwanted pregnancy.)

If someone asked me “what role would you serve in Starfleet?” I would answer: A&A officer.

An oft forgotten role, the A&A officer is a starship’s science division expert on archeology and anthropology. He or she is well knowledged in not only the civilizations of earth, but those of other planets. Imagine studying the ruins of a lost civilization on another planet, or reading ancient texts from the mythology of an alien species! This is Carolyn Palamas’ job on the Enterprise, and why she was chosen for the landing party to Pollux Four. But first, we meet her on the bridge, presenting her findings about the planet to Kirk: “Here's the report on Pollux Five, Captain. This entire system has been almost the same. A strange lack of intelligent life on the planets. It bugs the percentages.” Kirk asked her to run the same analysis on Pollux Four, then McCoy remarks she looks tired. Palamas explains she was up “all night” working on the report. (I don’t understand why Palamas was given this job when it could have gone to Spock or one of the other astonomists in the science department. It bugs me.) Kirk and McCoy are impressed by her work effort, and Scotty steps up to offer her to have coffee with him, rather eagerly. She smiles and accepts his invitation, and the two exit the bridge together. Kirk and McCoy have already suspected, correctly, that Scotty is attracted to Palamas, a fact which worries McCoy:

MCCOY: I'm not sure I like that, Jim.

KIRK: Why, Bones? Scotty's a good man.

MCCOY: And he thinks he's the right man for her, but I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman. All woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service.

Okay, I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here, but this conversation is worth discussing. Two things are clear: one, McCoy has analyzed both Scott and Palamas, and foresees the relationship will be one sided. (He seems to acknowledge, however, that he could be wrong.) Two, it’s immediately assumed that if Palamas were to marry, she would leave Starfleet. This was written in the 60s, when married women were expected to stay home, not work. So does that mean those same expectations are present in Starfleet? I say no. In “Balance of Terror” we saw two officers get married, and no mention was made of either of them leaving the service. So it doesn’t appear to be a regulation or cultural expectation that McCoy is referring to. Considering his knowledge of the crew, I think McCoy has heard from Palamas at some point that she planned to leave Starfleet if she were to marry, but she sees that as being unlikely to happen anytime soon. Kirk meanwhile, is more concerned about Scotty being preoccupied by a romantic interest rather than his job. And as we’ll soon see, he’s not actually wrong...

The Enterprise arrives at Pollux Four and is immediately captured by Apollo, who insists Kirk comes down to the planet with some of his men to rejoice and “remember together” their Ancient Greek heritage. Kirk naturally brings along Palamas, as well as McCoy, Scotty and Chekov. Apollo reveals his identity and tells his “children” that they must stay here and worship him as they did before. Kirk and Scotty warm him that they’ll resist any attempts to keep the Enterprise here forcefully, while Apollo claims the crew is his to cherish or destroy. In the middle of this back-and-forth threatening, Carolyn steps in, not with a warning but with a question: “But why? What you've said so far makes no sense at all.” Apollo’s face softens and he turns his attention from Kirk to Palamas. He approaches her, studying her. 

APOLLO: How like Aphrodite and Athena. The beauty, grace. And you seem wise for a woman. What is your name?

CAROLYN: Lieutenant Palamas.

APOLLO: I mean your name.

CAROLYN: Carolyn.

APOLLO: Carolyn. Yes. You are beautiful. You would do Aphrodite credit. I will tell you a thousand tales, stories of courage and love. You will know what it is to be a goddess.

Scott immediately protests to this, telling Apollo to back off. Apollo then blasts Scott’s phaser out of his hand and turns his attention back to Carolyn. He decides her Starfleet uniform doesn’t look good on her and changes them (Trelane-style) to a Grecian dress. Satisfied with this change, Apollo begins to lead her away from the others. Again, Scotty tries to save her, but gets thrown over the table. Kirk also appears to protest but Carolyn stops him, saying quietly: “It's all right, Captain. I'll go.” Apollo applauds her lack of fear, and disappears, taking Carolyn with him.

This scene tells us two very important things about Carolyn. First, as a scientist she has a curious mind that instinctually seeks answers. Apollo demands the Enterprise crew worships him? Carolyn wants to know why. Despite the threats Apollo makes, she is still wants to know how he, an ancient deity from a planet light-years away, ended up on an alien planet. She might have seen this as a career-changing mission. This is the kind of opportunity most of her fellow anthropologists and archeologists dream of. But it is not without cost, leading to the second item: Carolyn is not so brave or curious to not be aware of the danger she is in. She’s read Greek legends. She know what Apollo is and what he’s capable of. And she knows that women in Greek mythology rarely get happy endings. She has every right to be afraid, and she is. She is not “without fear” as Apollo wrongly observes. She goes with him for two reasons: one, so she can continue to observe him, and two, to prevent Apollo from hurting any other member of the landing party. That’s it. Yes, in the next scene Apollo asks her if she’s frightened of him and she says no, but how could she not be afraid? He nearly kills Kirk by Vader-style choking him, knocks out Scotty and threatens to crush the Enterprise like an egg! She knows could do the same to her, but she hypothesizes that his affection for her will shield her from his wrath. His “love” for her is the only thing that stops Apollo from killing Kirk with force lighting:

KIRK: We're tired of your phony fireworks!

APOLLO: Mortal, you have earned this!

(Apollo points his finger at Kirk’s chest)

CAROLYN: No, don't!

(Carolyn puts herself between Apollo and Kirk)

KIRK: Lieutenant!

CAROLYN: A father doesn't destroy his children. You said you were gentle and understanding.

KIRK: Lieutenant!

CAROLYN: How can they worship you if you hurt them?

KIRK: Lieutenant.

CAROLYN: Apollo, please. (taking his hand) You know so much of love. Please don't hurt them. Please.

APOLLO: I shall be lenient with you, for her sake.

In a sick kind of irony, Carolyn has become both incredibly powerful and vulnerable as Apollo’s newest object of lust. Apollo is extremely dangerous and quick to anger - his violent acts toward her crew mates tell Carolyn what will happen if she refuses him - so she is trapped with him. However, she knows he wants to please her. She becomes an intermediary between him and her crew, and in the scene above, she’s the only person that can stop Apollo from going on a deadly rampage. In the next scene Carolyn learns that is not just an object of affection for the Apollo, she is central to his plan to restore his godliness. He sees her as a lover and a means to an end.

Which leads us to the beginning of the finale. Apollo sends Carolyn back to the landing party alone, to speak with Kirk, to try once more to persuade him to stay. She appears to them with in an oddly relaxed state, smiling and speaking softly:

CAROLYN: He wants us to live in peace. He wants to provide for us. He'll give us everything we ever wanted, and he can do it, too.

KIRK: All right, Lieutenant, you can come down from Mount Olympus now. You've got work to do.

CAROLYN: I don't understand.

KIRK: He thrives on love, worship, attention.

CAROLYN: Yes?

KIRK: We can't give him that worship, none of us can. Especially you.

CAROLYN: What?

KIRK: Spurn him. Reject him. You must. You're special to him.

CAROLYN: Yes. I love him.

Let’s pause right here, shall we? Now some of you are probably thinking: hey koshertribble I’ve watched this episode x-many times and it seems like Carolyn was falling in love with Apollo. She kissed him in the last scene, remember? When she says she loves him, she’s telling the truth, right?

Wrong.

She doesn’t. Period.

So why would she lie? Because when you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, that’s what you do. You don’t want to lie, but you lie because it’s the safest thing to do. At this point Carolyn has gone into what I call “survival mode.” She doesn’t see a way to escape this planet and Apollo’s (literal) grasp. In this moment she has accepted her sitauation and is adapting, surviving, accordingly. She tells the landing party to do the same: try to accept their fate by looking at the “positives.” Kirk, meanwhile, is still trying to find a way out. He’s figured out that Carolyn has influence on Apollo’s actions; her rejection of him could be their salvation, but rejection is the last thing on her mind right now...

KIRK: Lieutenant. All our lives, here and on the ship, depend on you.

CAROLYN: No, not on me.

KIRK: On you, Lieutenant! Reject him, and we have a chance to save ourselves. Accept him, and you condemn all of us to slavery, nothing less than slavery. We might never get help this far out. Or perhaps the thought of spending an eternity bending knee and tending sheep appeals to you.

CAROLYN: Oh, but you don't understand. He's kind, and he wants the best for us. And he's so lonely. What you ask would break his heart. How can I?

Again, Carolyn doesn’t really believe what she says, nor is she trying to justify what Apollo is doing. She’s defending herself, not him. When she asks “how can I” she’s not asking “how could I hurt Apollo because I care about his feelings” she really means “ how can I get out of this impossible situation without getting killed?” At this point Kirk gives one of his trademark speeches to remind her who she is:

KIRK: Give me your hand. Your hand. (she does) Now feel that. Human flesh against human flesh. We're the same. We share the same history, the same heritage, the same lives. We're tied together beyond any untying. Man or woman, it makes no difference. We're human. We couldn't escape from each other even if we wanted to. That's how you do it, Lieutenant. By remembering who and what you are. A bit of flesh and blood afloat in a universe without end. The only thing that's truly yours is the rest of humanity. That's where our duty lies. Do you understand me?

CAROLYN: Yes. Yes, I understand. He's calling me.

KIRK: Lieutenant. You have your orders and your duty.

CAROLYN: Yes, sir. My orders and my duty.

To be honest I think that Kirk was under the impression that Carolyn actually loves Apollo. If he had read her words deep down, and seen the fear underneath, that Rousing Kirk Speech would have gone differently. But it get the job done. Carolyn returns to Apollo afraid but determined. And she does what Kirk tells her to do - remember who she is: Lt Carolyn Palamas, Enterprise A&A officer and scientist.

CAROLYN: I must say, Apollo, the way you ape human behaviour is remarkable, but there are some other things I must know. Your evolutionary patterns and your social development.

APOLLO: My what?

CAROLYN: I'm sure they're unique. I've never encountered a specimen like you before.

APOLLO: I am Apollo. I've chosen you.

CAROLYN: I'm sure that's very flattering, but I must get on with my work now.

APOLLO: Your work?

CAROLYN: I'm a scientist. My particular specialty is ancient civilisations, relics, and myths. Surely you know I've only been studying you.

APOLLO: I don't believe it. You love me.

CAROLYN: Love you? Be logical. I'm not some simple shepherdess you can awe. Why, I could no more love you than I could love a new species of bacteria.

(Carolyn turns to leave)

APOLLO: Carolyn! I forbid you to go. I order you to stay.

CAROLYN: Is that the secret of your power over women, the thunderbolts you throw?

Unfortunately, but predictably, Apollo has a full on meltdown, summoning a storm to chase Carolyn down through the woods. It’s hard to say exactly what happened in this scene - we see her knocked to the ground screaming as Apollo’s giant face appears in the sky getting closer and closer. When she appears in the final scene with Scotty her face is bruised and her dress is torn. The final cut of the episode doesn’t make clear what might have happened but since a final cut scene reveals that Palamas is pregnant, which suggests she was raped as well as beaten... I don’t want to think about it. Luckily she survives his assault, since Kirk orders the Enterprise to fire on the temple, weakening Apollo and forcing him to attack the Enterprise. Carolyn gets back to the landing party and the temple is destroyed. Apollo, devastated, turns to Carolyn once more: “Carolyn, I loved you. I would have made a goddess of you. I've shown you my open heart. See what you've done to me.” He then disappears, leaving Carolyn sobbing not tears of grief, but relief.

You may see this episode a different way, but this is the only way I see it now. Why? Because years ago, I was Carolyn. For ten months I was trapped in a relationship in which I was not a person, but an object to be paraded around as a “girlfriend.” Everyone thought we were happy together, and He thought we were happy together but I wasn’t. I was scared of him. No, he was never violent with me, but he had a short temper and did get into fist fights with some other friends. He claimed he was a “Hellenic polytheist,” worshiping Apollo as his patron god. He regarded me as his damsel in distress to rescue, like Andromeda was saved by Perseus. I was separated from my friends (I could only spend time with him), and I was afraid to refuse him anything. It took months to build up the courage to end it. And even then, he didn’t give up trying to get us back together. It was a nightmare, and seven years on, I’m still working through the after-effects.

So, final takeaways? Carolyn found herself trapped in an abusive relationship with a god. It doesn’t matter that Apollo loved her - he took possession of her, isolated her from her shipmates, threatened them (and her) with violence and assaulted her when she tried to free herself of him. She was only able to free herself (and her shipmates) from him through great risk to herself. She had to decide whether to live in fear or free herself at the risk of death. I hope you never find yourself having to make that decision in your life. But if you have been there, or are there now, please keep remembering who you are, and that there is a way out. I know that’s odd sounding advice, but when you’re in a relationship like this you forget you’re a shadow of yourself. I’ll stop here with the advice because I’m not a professional and my experiences may not be the same as yours, so I’m leaving these links below:

https://www.thehotline.org/2017/02/16/supporting-someone-returning-to-abusive-relationship/

https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/

So that’s all I really have to say for this episode. It was challenging for me to revisit this episode and the personal memories associated with it, but I hope you found it interesting. Thanks for reading.

Next Episode: “Mirror, Mirror”

[mousedetective]

The Second Chance (An “Academy Days” Story)

As I mentioned a little while back, I finally found all the prompts @greenskyoverme gave me for commissions, so I’m going to try and intersperse every one or two Sherlock fics with ones from her so I can catch up on them. This is my last post tonight, fic wise, but I hope you all enjoy it!

The Second Chance - Nyota agrees to meet Spock for dinner, and Gaila makes sure she's dressed to impress.  

Read @ AO3 | Series Page | Help Me See My Son?

"Is that my shirt?"

Uhura looked down at the blouse she was wearing. “I’m sorry,” she said, turning to her roommate with a smile. “I had one that looked just like this ages ago. I thought it was mine.”

“Honestly, it looks better on you than it does on me,” Gaila said with a chuckle. She crossed her legs and leaned against the side of the bed. “Hot date?”

Uhura shook her head. “Just dinner with a friend.”

“A friend you have an attraction to?” Gaila teased.

“Used to,” she replied. “I...don’t know what we are now. I don’t even know if we’re really friends, honestly.”

Gaila tilted her head and studied Uhura. “Do you want that Vulcan teacher to sit up and take notice? Because if you do, that is not the outfit to wear.”

Uhura’s eyes bugged slightly. Granted, she hadn’t made an actual move until there wouldn’t be any repercussions against Spock if it were to come out that there was an interest, or there was… “You weren’t supposed to know,” she said.

“You’re talking to a member of the Orion race, Nyota. When it comes to attraction, we know,” Gaila said with a laugh, uncrossing her legs quickly and scrambling to get up off the floor. She headed towards the closet and Uhura followed. The majority of it was filled up with Gaila’s clothing, or the scraps of fabric that was supposed to be clothing. Uhura was about to say this wasn’t a place that was too formal or fancy but still required decency when Gaila came out with a long black halter dress made out of a chiffon type material that wasn’t form fitting but was low cut in the back enough to be daring. “I do have stuff that doesn’t show off every inch of my skin.”

“This is gorgeous,” Uhura said, touching the material.

“You can have it, as long as you promise to invite me to the wedding,” Gaila said with a wide smile. “And introduce me to all the groomsmen.”

Uhura chuckled as she took the dress from her. “What if there isn’t a wedding?” she asked.

“First kids, cute cats...name one after me and I’ll consider it a worthy trade.” Gaila tilted her head. “Dangly earrings, definitely. And a chain around the waist. And killer makeup.”

Uhura let Gaila move her to the seat in front of her desk, which she had turned into a vanity, and began flitting around her. By the time Uhura’s hair and make-up were done and the jewelry was added, she thought she looked every inch the African queen her father had always said she was. She turned to look in the full-length mirror and then went and gave Gaila a hug. “I owe you,” she said.

“Stay at his place tonight,” Gaila said before pulling back. “Or at least stay out late.”

Uhura smiled and nodded. “Deal.” Gaila handed her a pocketbook and Uhura added a few things to it before slipping on a pair of heels and heading out the door. It didn’t take long to get to the restaurant and she saw Spock was already there.

His eyes grew wide as she approached, and he quickly stood up to pull out her chair in a show of human manners. “Nyota,” he said.

“Thank you,” she replied.

“You look...stunning,” he said as she sat down and he gently pushed the chair in.

“Advice from a friend helped,” she said, a faint blush settling on her cheeks. It had been a little while since the incident in the classroom, and she had almost said no to dinner tonight. Now, she was glad she had agreed. “How is everything?”

“Do you want the truth?” he asked as he went back to his own seat.

“You’d give me nothing less,” she said with a soft smile, knowing that even though most Vulcans could not lie, they could evade well enough.

“I have been upset by your absence, and my actions of late have been to see how I can...fix things,” he said solemnly.

“And what did you decide to do?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Apologize for the position I put you in. Ask for your forgiveness. And...ask for a second chance?” He said the last part as a question, which surprised her. Normally he was so sure and confident, and this showed, perhaps, he was quite aware of what he lost, and that he might never get it back.

Which...well, she had missed him. More than she wanted to admit. And since he would never lie to her, that meant he was truly sorry.

She reached over and placed a hand on his. “I think we can see how tonight goes, and decide from there,” she said, grateful to see Spock’s equivalence of a big, bright smile cross his face. Saying yes to dinner tonight may have been the best idea after all...

[unknown-de-mordor-blog]

Five ships I’m still not over

Beleg Cúthalion/Túrin Turambar

Universe: Middle-earth, first age

Ship name: Nothing that’s widely used in the fandom, I don’t think. But I like to think of them as ‘Black Sword (referring to Turin’s cursed weapon) and Strongbow (direct translation of Cúthalion)’

To me, there's no character more tragic than Turin son of Hurin, and no pairing more tragic than him and Beleg. And no clearer love, too. I don't know if J. R. R. Tolkien intended for them to go that far, but their emotional connection is so deep and powerful that whether you ship them or not it's undisputedly one of the most beautiful relationships in Tolkien's lore. Alas! It's not powerful enough to undo the curse placed on Turin and his clan, which ends both his and Beleg's life all too soon and all too tragically. So, yes, I count Beleg as one of the elves who die for love.

Favourite quote: 'I would lead my own men, and make war in my own way,' Turin answered. 'But in this at least my heart is changed: I repent every stroke save those dealt against the Enemy of Men and Elves. And above all else I would have you beside me. Stay with me!' 'If I stayed beside you, love would lead me not wisdom,' said Beleg.

Uh, I love this so much because it shows the difference in their temperament and maturity. Beleg's an elf who has lived through and fought in so many wars. He's an (elf)man of duty, honour and intellect, and Turin is still a young man whose pride and stubbornness can seriously get in the way of a grown-up conversation. And Beleg is so not having any of that in this scene. He’d do anything for Turin, including ditching his command to find him, but he can pull some tough-love moves, too, when Turin’s unreasonable.

Uzumaki Naruto/Uchiha Sasuke

Universe: Naruto

Ship name: sns, narusasu, sasunaru

I think Naruto and Sasuke canonically love each other, I really do, but I don’t think they are together romantically at any point in the series. And that’s by design, really. Sasuke -- the last of the Uchiha, the tragic figure of the Naruto series (still not as tragic as Turin, but let’s not do this morbid comparison) -- has too many issues to work through, and Naruto isn’t in the position to really help him through them. So as soul-deep as their bond is, they couldn’t have been together and survive each other. Although, I really want that to happen. That’s what fanfictions are for, I guess.

Favourite quote: ‘If you attack Konoha, I will have to fight you... So save up your hatred and take it all on me, I'm the only one who can take it. It's the only thing I can do. I will shoulder your hatred and die with you.’

Honestly, Naruto might just as well propose to Sasuke with that because he’s essentially saying ‘give me your worst, I’m not leaving and never will’. I know friends could be like that, too, but normally not to this degree and not with this kind of commitment. I’m not surprised at all when Sasuke has to ask Naruto why the hell he is doing all this for him. It just goes beyond reason, really.

S'chn T'gai Spock /James T. Kirk

Universe: Star Trek

Ship name: K/S, Spirk

The Daddy of all ships! Pun intended! Spock and Kirk's friendship really walks that fine line of are they/aren’t they. I personally think they aren’t (another controversial statement coming from a shipper), but they’re so cute together you just can’t help think: what if they are? They have this deep trust and affection for one another anyway; why not push it a notch further? ‘This simple feeling,’ as Spock calls it, might as well be love.

Favourite quote:

Kirk: How's our ship? Spock: Out of danger. Kirk: Good... Spock: You saved the crew. Kirk: You used what he wanted against him. That's a nice move. Spock: It is what you would have done. Kirk: And this... this is what you would have done. It was only logical. I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel? Spock: I do not know. [tears fall] Right now, I am failing. Kirk: I want you to know why I couldn't let you die... why I went back for you... Spock: Because you are my friend. [Kirk places his hand against the glass and gives the Vulcan Salute as he dies]

It’s actually really hard for me to pick a quote for these two because I think every ‘Jim’ from Spock does the job except nobody else would understand it but me. (Second to that is, ‘Captian, not in front of the Klingons.’) While I love them teasing each other a lot, I think Kirk’s death scene from Star Trek Into Darkness has all the right punches to it. Spock has been unable to accept the feeling of friendship towards Kirk (actually just feelings in general) until the moment he watches Kirk dies behind the glass door. And all just comes out like BOOM! Not to mention how close Spock comes to killing Khan for revenge before Uhura tells him that Kirk can be saved but they need Khan alive. Honestly, that’s the only reason Khan’s head doesn’t go plop in Spock’s hands.

Morgoth/Sauron

Universe: Middle-earth, first age

Ship name: it just came to my attention that the fandom is calling this ship Angbang (a wordplay on the name of their home/fortress Angband). Nicely done, you naughty people. Also Melkor/Mairon if you’re going by their proper first-age names.

I think a lot of people seeing this ship would go ‘what?!’ Like, how is that even possible when Tolkien didn’t write a single scene with the two of them in it. I’d say in this case the absence is more powerful. Tolkien wrote the Silmarillion and the Unfinished Tales as lore, so they necessarily come from the perspective of the tellers; i.e., humans and elves. That doesn’t mean Tolkien didn’t drop hints about the complex characters that the dark lords of Middle-earth are. He even has Elrond says that people don’t start out evil, not even Sauron. So the question becomes, what the heck happened? And the heck that starts it all out is pretty much in the first few chapters of the Silmarillion where Morgoth is clearly a powerful and inventive figure but in many ways an outcast and shunned by everyone including the very power that made him. (*cough* daddy issue *cough*) And then we are made aware of the fact Sauron, who is also powerful and creative, isn’t on Morgoth’s side from the get go but decides to join him later. The power-hungry dark lords we are later told about aren’t that at all, so it raises the question of their true characters and motives. If anything, I think the length in which Sauron would go for Morgoth thousands of years after his master is defeated and shut away says something about their bond with each other. And if I know one thing, it can’t be fear or respect. If I have to make a guess, I think it is akin to love.

Favourite quote: There isn’t anything I can quote from the source material since there hasn’t been a dialogue or anything they say to an audience that could be trusted as genuinely representing who they are. One thing I do scream about is the scene in the Return of the King movie when the black gate opened and behind there isn’t just the tower with the eye of Sauron but Mount Doom next to it in the same frame. I was like ‘I know Morgoth’s not here but isn’t that him in spirit.’ Yes, I’m a proper trash for these two.

Also, there’s this awesome comic series (unfortunately discontinued) by Suz. It’s legitimately hotter than the fire of Aule’s forge, honestly.

Beren/Lúthien

Universe: Middle-earth, first age

Ship name: I’m not aware of any ship name for these two but ‘Beren and Luthien’ is catchy enough as it is.

How else to finish this list but to dedicate the last entry to the greatest love story of Middle-earth, and, yes, I'm saying that with a straight face because, holy hell, this couple defies expectations left, right, and centre. Luthien, our elven princess, is an active participant in her own fate. She falls in love with a human who, in an act of valour, accepts her father's stupid, impossible task to steal the most treasured jewel from Morgoth the Dark Lord himself. Luthien basically runs away from home, finds her man captured and tortured, and tears the goddamn fortress down in a showdown with the-dark-lord-to-be Sauron himself (which makes you question the competency of everyone else in Middle-earth). They then proceed to steal the jewel together. They don't quite succeed in bringing it back and Beren loses his hand in the process, but hey, they could say it's in his hand, somewhere, and now could they please marry because otherwise I have a feeling that Luthien is going to elope with her boyfriend and her mom and dad won't be seeing her again ever.

And this is really just scratching the surface of Luthien’s feisty personality quite unbefitting of most princesses until the recent overhaul of attitude by Disney. And all this came from a man who was born in the Victorian era when women's autonomy wasn't given or respected. But I think Luthien's depth of character comes from the fact that she has a real-life counterpart, and so she feels more like a real woman. And the love between Beren and Luthien feels compelling because its the love the professor himself had for his wife and life-long partner, Edith. You can check out their gravestone. I'm so not making this up.

Favourite quote: The song of Lúthien before Mandos was the song most fair that ever in words was woven, and the song most sorrowful that ever the world shall ever hear. Unchanged, imperishable, it is sung still in Valinor beyond the hearing of the world, and the listening the Valar grieved. For Lúthien wove two themes of words, of the sorrow of the Eldar and the grief of Men, of the Two Kindreds that were made by Ilúvatar to dwell in Arda, the Kingdom of Earth amid the innumerable stars. And as she knelt before him her tears fell upon his feet like rain upon stones; and Mandos was moved to pity, who never before was so moved, nor has been since.

It’s not a scene between them, but this is how far Luthien’s love and badassery goes. She loses Beren in a battle to protect her father’s kingdom, and she dies grieving him. In the afterlife, she gets to meet the god of death Mandos and sings him a song of their love and her grief. Apparently, she’s so good with words and music that Mandos is like, ‘I can’t handle the feels. You can have your husband back and have a mortal life with him.’ And Luthien takes the deal, of course.

[janeykath318]

Broken Shackles 25 (END)

Two years later "Agent Kirk, what is your status?" Jim's earpiece buzzed and he activated his comm unit in his wrist as he finished relieving an unconscious Pirate of his weapons. "All guards secured and disarmed. Ready to enter the main cargo bay, sir," he reported. "Very well. We'll beam them to the brig and you and Park go in. Be very cautious for extra guards and remember to be wary approaching the hostages."

"Yes, Sir," Jim replied, well aware of the need for delicate handling. He nodded to his partner, Lucas Park, and they destroyed the lock on the cargo bay door. "You got the translator ready?" He asked Lucas. They'd need it to talk to the many species they would likely find. "Yeah, Kirk, she's all set. Blast it open." They drew their phasers and Jim blasted the lock. Clearing away the debris, they took up stations on either side of the doors and entered the cargo bay. The stench inside was nauseating, like Jim remembered from his own voyages in the bowels of a slave ship, but he set his teeth and ignored it to focus on the frightened, chained, occupants. There was a staggering amount of them, crammed in like sardines and Jim saw that this group was mostly Orion, human, and Andorian: not as diverse as usual, which meant that these slavers cruised around picking people off of colonies. He knelt beside a skinny couple who clung to each other, despite the chains. "What are you going to do with us?" The man said fearfully. "Lock your kidnappers in prison and get you out of this place and back where you came from," Jim answered, removing the manacles. "We're with the Federation Anti-trafficking force," he explained. "I'm telling the truth." He locked eyes with the man and held out his hand. "Jim Kirk at your service." The name and the release from his chains seemed to change the man's mind. "Becky!" He said to his partner, who was looking at Jim with wide green eyes. "It's Jim Kirk! He's come to rescue us!! Can you believe it?" "Yes, dear. It's a miracle!! Thank you," she said to Jim as he unlocked her manacles. "You're the one that was missing for ten years, right?" "Yes, I was." Jim confirmed. "Where did they snatch you from?" "Regis 9" Pete answered. "It's a research station that's badly under protected. They were going to take us to auction." There was a shudder in his voice and Jim winced in sympathy. "We're working in conjunction with the USS <i>Enterprise</i> and in a few minutes, you'll be beamed aboard. Please stay calm and patient and you'll be off of this nasty scow in a jiffy, Okay?" "Alright, Mister Kirk." Once the other prisoners saw Jim and Lucas methodically freeing people, they soon understood what was going on, even without the universal translator and began to chatter excitedly and willingly hold up their hands to be freed. It was a long process, even working as fast as possible and it was a good twenty minutes before Jim contacted the ship to tell them the report. "Kirk to Enterprise." "Enterprise here," Pike answered. "What's the story, agent?" "We've got about eighty-five souls free and ready to be beamed up, Captain. "Understood. Any urgent medical needs?" "Mostly malnutrition. Some bruises, but we caught this one in time." "Thank goodness. Stand by and Scott will beam them up in groups of eight." "Aye, sir, will do. Kirk out." The explanation of the process took longer than the actual beaming, but they managed to avoid stampedes and get everyone safely beamed up. Finally, Jim and Lucas were beamed up, feeling satisfied with a job well done. They hadn't had a raid go this smoothly in months. "Nice work, Park," He complimented his partner with a grin. "Thanks, Kirk. That goes for you, too. You avoided busting your face up this time." Jim nodded and chuckled. He'd come out of the last such adventure with a broken nose after a frustrated pirate had clocked him hard. They'd face a debrief with Pike and and a much longer one with the bosses at the bureau, but Jim was confident they'd done both proud this time. He met Spock in their quarters afterwards with a triumphant kiss--fingers meeting in the Vulcan style as well as lips. "You are happy, k'diwa," Spock observed, "I assume your mission was a success?" "Very much so, love. We saved eighty-seven people from the auction block today. That's a very good feeling." "Indeed, but you are also exhausted. Come rest now, Jim. You can tell me more about your raid and I will lull you to sleep with science stories and perhaps some neuropressure." That sounded good to Jim. Spock had magic hands when it came to relieving built up tension. (Yes, that way, too). He undressed and climbed into bed beside her, letting out a content sigh. Despite his fears to the contrary, Jim had found he could enjoy bedroom activities. Spock had been very sweet to him on their honeymoon, knowing how important it was for him to take the lead. Jim almost wasn't sure how to handle himself when he wasn't being barked commands or teased until he was desperate, but he'd soon figured it out. No, they'd never be very adventurous, but they were both content, and that's what mattered. "Roll over onto your side, James." Spock whispered. "Allow me to ease the tension in your back." Jim obliged, though he hated to turn away from his beautiful wife, but he let out a groan of delight as her gentle touch undid the knots in his muscles. "I see your scars have faded since I first saw them," she observed. "Uh, yeah," Jim managed as he felt himself melt under her skilled hands. "Quite a bit. Bones had some highly sensitive dermal regenerator that he wanted to test on me, see what it could do with old scarring and I let him have at it. It really worked." "Indeed. All but the deepest marks are merely faint lines now. I shudder to think of the force with which this blow was struck." She traced a fingertip over an indented streak on his lower back. "Wasn't a conventional whip," Jim admitted. "More like a group of knotted ropes with some metal in them. They quit using it because it caused such severe injury and the master's wife did not approve. She had some decency about her compared to her husband." "I see," Spock replied, a wave of agitation passing through her at the thought of  her Jim suffering pain from such a device. "Don't stress over it, darling, it's all in the past," Jim said, turning back over to pull her close to him. "She was the one who suggested I be given to your father as a present instead of re-sold, unwittingly setting in motion my entire life turning around," Jim added between kisses. "Ended up leading me to you, my <i>adun'a</i>." "Hmmm," Spock pondered, shivering with pleasure from Jim's kisses and endearments. "I suppose I cannot loathe her for such reasons." "But now, James, please recount your adventures conquering the slave ship today, before we both succumb to sleep." "Sure," Jim smiled sleepily and began the tale, not letting go of his wife. "It was a basic cargo ship, with a false bottom to hide the illegal activity......." As Jim captivated Spock with yet another rescue story, she felt tender pride in this man, who'd battled through so much in thirty years of life. She calculated that he'd now helped save 467 beings from the fate he'd endured and sparked a revolution across the Federation. But at the end of the day, he came home to her. Spock counted herself a blessed woman. As for Jim, he still sometimes wondered what she'd seen in him, but he was glad she had. It was people like Spock, Amanda, Sarek, L'Ren, Bones, and Pike who'd changed his mindset from broken and worthless to determined survivor and activist. Every time he'd released a trembling slave from their bonds, he felt like he was taking a hammer to the whole system, and it was incredibly satisfying. Right now, however, he was quite happy simply being Spock's man.

[winterverses]

Chapter Twenty

The next morning’s session with Dr. Hayes had cleared up some more details of the memory loss, and they’d discussed more thoroughly what it might mean for Anne to go through with a mind meld if she was dissociating when she remembered the details of her captivity. “We simply don’t know what effect it’ll have,” Dr. Hayes had said. “It could hit you with everything at once, or it might do nothing at all. But I’m ordering you to report to the med bay with Mr. Spock before trying this, so we can provide whatever care you might need afterward.”

Anne had bristled at the order, but agreed to it. She hadn’t yet asked Kirk if he would stay with her during it, at the very least, but he would, she knew it. She had to pull her weight, though, so she had replied in the affirmative to Uhura’s message offering a meeting time. As the clock ticked down the seconds, Anne grew more and more agitated, pacing her quarters. It wasn’t Uhura she was afraid of, but the ever-closer inevitability of the mind meld, the shortening length of time that her mind would be unspoiled and her private thoughts remain private. There were so many things she needed to keep to herself. Still, she felt restless, as if she should just forget about the talk and start scheduling things. Normally she would have put that down to her impatience, but the feeling was so strong that she was a little nauseated.

Nevertheless, when the door chirped, she had to force herself to say, “Come in,” and was a little proud when her voice didn’t falter.

Lieutenant Uhura smiled as she walked in. “I’ve been curious to meet you socially for a while. This isn’t the best of circumstances, but I suppose it’ll have to do.” She held out her hand. “Nyota Uhura.”

Without Kirk around, Anne felt quite a bit less at ease, but that wasn’t Uhura’s fault. She grasped Uhura’s hand and shook it firmly. “Anne Madeline Hardesty,” she said unnecessarily, then let go, gesturing to the table. “Won’t you sit down? Would you like something to drink?”

“Just some water would be lovely,” Uhura said, having a seat at the table. As Anne brought over a pitcher of water and two glasses, Uhura added lightly, “I’m not the only one curious about you. The Captain’s been pretty close-mouthed about what he’s been getting up to, but word does get around.”

Anne frowned, seating herself. “I hope I haven’t taken him away from anything--”

Uhura smiled. “No, it’s not like that. And it’s not the whole crew, just those of us who know him best. Spock never says anything, but I know him too well for that. Me. Sulu, ever since that dinner at his place. McCoy, although he grumbles whenever he hears your name. He’s just worried. Chekov figured it out last night when he saw the two of you. Scotty. He pretends he doesn’t care.” Uhura shrugged her slim shoulders. “It’s normal to be curious when one of your friends is suddenly involved with someone you don’t know.”

Anne felt herself blushing. She was used to being on the other end of this sort of conversation… and she wasn't used to being so vulnerable. “We’re not really involved, exactly. If all this hadn’t happened, then maybe, but now? I don’t know. I barely even know who I am anymore.”

“Well, you seemed to know pretty well last night. And if you think Jim Kirk sets aside dinner every day for random crew members, or gets a big stupid grin at nothing in the middle of sensor array tests just because he likes them, you should probably readjust your idea of him.” Shaking her head, a little grin still playing on her lips, Uhura added, “But fair’s fair. I’ve pried into your personal life, so you can pry into mine a bit. Spock and I have mind melded, yes. It’s a pretty intense experience.”

Taking a deep breath, Anne tried to focus on the task at hand. She wished Uhura had been all right with Kirk being there. They’d never asked her, just out of courtesy, but Anne would have felt better with him around. “I would have jumped at the chance to try it before all this. Now… it feels like an invasion of the only place I had left that was mine.”

“You don’t have to do it, you know. No one will be upset if you can’t go through with it.” Uhura’s dark eyes probed Anne’s.

“The more I think about it, the more certain I am that it needs to be done, and soon. I know that I know something important, and before I thought I couldn’t remember because it was too painful, but now... “ Anne bit her lip, searching Uhura’s face, and then sighed. It was better to tell the truth now. “Spock will have to know anyway. Apparently I dissociate when I try to remember, and that’s why my memory of that time period is so bad. It’s never happened while the Captain was around, but Dr. Hayes managed to replicate it. At least now I know when it’s happened, even if I can’t stop it.”

“Then it’s all the more important that you know what it’s like, so you can prepare yourself. It’s not like talking to someone. It’s a meld. It can be used to convey information, but the kind of thing you’ll be doing is going to be more… soul-searching.” Uhura sipped her water. “Do you mind if I tell Spock what we say? He needs to know what he’s in for too, or it can be dangerous.”

“Go ahead. I was going to ask Dr. Hayes to brief him as well. She’s requested to be present, and that it be done in the med bay.” Anne chewed on her lip. “How long does it take?”

“Not long to make the connection. Apparently every Vulcan does it differently, but with Spock it goes pretty quickly from touching your face to mind contact. Once it has, it depends on what he’s looking for and how easy it is to find. I can’t say how difficult it will be for him if you’ve repressed these memories so hard, but usually it goes by pretty fast. You’ll be aware of him, and you’ll know what he’s paying attention to at the time, but to me he really felt more like a part of myself at first.” Uhura smiled, as if in fond remembrance. “The more I resisted or tried to direct him, the more he seemed like a different person.”

“What if I need him to look at something in specific?” Anne asked.

“Just think of it. He catches on pretty quick.” Uhura hid her expression behind a sip of water. “He has a very calm presence, of course. Vulcans. But he will be affected somewhat by your emotions. There can be some bleedover afterward, especially with strong emotions.”

Anne stared, aghast. “He’d better make sure he wants to do this. That is a lot-- a lot--” She stuttered to a halt, and then tried again. “I only testified against Tarenn. I know the rest was worse, even if I can't get at it.”

Nodding, Uhura set her mouth. “It won’t change his mind, but I’ll let him know so that he’s prepared for it.”

Anne was silent for a moment, and then asked timidly, “Will we be aware of anything outside of it?”

Uhura shook her head. “Not much, no. But it’s not like you’ll have forgotten what’s outside.”

It took her a moment to ask the question that had been eating at her. “What if I want to keep something private?”

Uhura smiled reassuringly. “He doesn't pry. He might catch a glimpse of it, but he won't examine anything that isn't related to the mission. You'll know what he's looking at anyway.”

That, at least, was a relief. “I’m not sure what else to ask. Is there any advice you’d give me?”

Shaking her head again, Uhura answered, “No, not really. There’s nothing you can do about the knowledge that someone else has been in your head, although if necessary Spock could excise the memory of it.”

“I already have enough holes in my head,” Anne said darkly.

“I thought you might say that. In that case, all I can say to you is this-- Spock is a good person. If he can avoid hurting you, he will, and if he can’t, he’ll make it quick.“ The serene certainty in Uhura’s eyes confirmed her confidence in Spock.

“Thank heaven for small mercies,” Anne said wryly. “All right. I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Will you tell Mr. Spock for me that I’m at his disposal? I’m sure Mr. Scott won’t mind losing me for a day or so as long as he has some warning.”

“I’ll relay your messages and get him to contact you. We’ll get everything set up for you. Am I right in thinking the sooner done, the better?” Uhura asked.

“There’s no point in drawing it out. I’ll talk to Captain Kirk; I’m going to ask him to be present.” The thought of him with her made it a little easier to bear.

“That’s a good idea. He’ll want to know what goes on.” Uhura stood, then paused, looking down at Anne. “Don’t worry. We’re not going to take any chances with anyone unless it can’t be avoided.”

Anne swallowed, feeling a little ill. “Thank you, Lieutenant.” As the elegant woman began to walk away, Anne added, “This needs to happen soon. I feel… I don’t know. I feel it.”

Uhura nodded and left the room, and Anne curled up in her chair, wrapping her arms around her knees. That restless feeling was only getting stronger, her body buzzing with it. She couldn’t tell whether it was just fear or not, and she had no way of finding out.

[samingtonwilson]

Return - Part 4 - Jim Kirk

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: series following the events of loot– takes place during events of star trek beyond. in this chapter, you’re on familiar ground that seems to be breaking under your feet.

Warnings: language, a bit of violence (but it’s canon)

A/N: i’m still tagging those i used to tag for loot, tell me if you want to be removed. this chapter’s a lil long, but it goes from jim’s pov to reader’s and SHIT’S FINALLY GOING DOWN.

Jim was having trouble concentrating.

It began as the woman behind the universal translator, Kalara, told her story. A story of her stranded ship, her endangered crew— a story that was somehow not rousing enough to capture all of Jim’s attention as he stood beside Commodore Paris.

He instead focused on the high-neck of his uniform, the snug nature of the drably colored fabric. He stared at her blankly. He only heard the last of what Kalara spoke— she needed a ship capable of navigating the nebula, she needed someone who could help her.

He lost his concentration once more as he looked over the holographic representation of her ship in Commodore Paris’ office, a representation of the nebula it was trapped in. He was focusing on the colors— the blue of the ship, the red and gold of the nebula— and the whirring of the images rather than focus on the coordinates Commodore Paris read out to him with the rasp of her voice.

“We tracked her stranded ship to a sector of uncharted nebula, here at 210-mark-14,” she said, frowning as she watched the holograms Jim was so enthralled with.

Jim walked around the desk to a glowing screen several feet from the image of the nebula and cleared his throat. He told himself to focus, to get out of his own head. “Uh,” he started, mentally scolding himself already. “Long-range scan?”

She stood on the opposite side of the large room, watching Jim as he poked and prodded the touch-screen and increased the size of the nebula to get a better look at the glowing holo. “No data. The nebula is too dense— it’s uncharted space.”

As if on reflex, Jim offered, “Well, the Enterprise does have the best navigational system in the fleet. She could handle it.”

He smiled politely once he finished speaking, taking his eyes from Commodore Paris and scanning the room. The windows that lined the walls opened up to skyscrapers and hovercrafts, their sounds muted by the mechanical whirring to his right and the loud thumps deep inside him.

He wasn’t sure if he’d only offered out of formality— or if he was ready to go out into deep space so soon. His feet had been on the ground for a day and, granted it wasn’t the best day, he still wanted more.

He wanted to breathe lazily so the air hit every corner of his lungs, he wanted to stop shaving his cheeks for even a day. He wanted to train himself to appreciate his reflection again, rather than scowl each time he caught sight of his exhaustion. Hell, he just wanted to wake up each morning without a clue of what he would do throughout the day— he wanted to do away with routine, do away with each rerun episode his life was replaying as if on constant loop. He wanted a break.

His uncertainty for why he offered arose from a single thought, though— did he really want to walk around Yorktown with the possibility of seeing you at any time? He thought that, maybe subconsciously, his immediate offering of the Enterprise was derived from defense, from armoring himself against you to the point that he couldn’t stay on the same planet.

He thought the part of him that didn’t trust you, the part that was still so furious, might have wanted a break from the rest of him— the part of him that wanted to stay on Yorktown and “run into” you each day. That angry part could find no relaxation greater than the relaxation banality and directionlessness offered by tedious space travel. It made it so he could keep himself lost within his mind and there was no risk there, no reason to fear anything-- at least he couldn’t lose himself in anyone else.

“The only ship here with more advanced technology is still under construction.” Commodore Paris crossed the room, leant against the tabletop screen, and lifted her gaze to meet Jim’s. There was an apology in her deep brown eyes. “But it’s not just the ship that I’m sending.”

Jim’s dilemma was solved for him. He found himself smiling ruefully as he said, “I’ll gather the crew.”

Before he could walk out of the office, Commodore Paris called out to him. “I’ll also be sending a security officer with knowledge of this case and your ship.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Jim said, shaking his head lightly. “We have an abundance of security officers on our crew—”

“I’m aware. I would be more comfortable, however, sending someone well-versed on the matters of this case as well as well-equipped to navigate the ship without additional assistance from the crew.” She nodded once when Jim continued to stare at her, “For my own assurance.”

Sighing in quiet defeat, he nodded. “Tell them to make it to the loading bay on time— I’ll meet them there.”

“You’ve already met, actually,” she said, glancing at the largest screen embedded into her desk as she pulled a file up to join the many holos already displayed.

As Jim read your name, as he saw your picture, he cursed his luck for having found his heart as it was currently lodged in his throat. He looked back at the Commodore, his mouth fallen open into a shape resembling his wide eyes. The red part of him was losing its solace. “I’m sorry, I assumed she was removed from the Academy due to the arrest.”

“Yes, she and her credits were reinstated recently— security track.”

“Then she’s still a cadet, I presume.”

She nodded, watching Jim tentatively. “Just a course short of graduation. Normally I don’t concern myself with the affairs of the Academy, but I took special interest in her after watching your testimony. Her skills are just as glowing as you described and she has fit-in quite well on the base— I offered her the immediate promotion in wake of these events before you came in this evening, and she accepted.”  

There was doubt, denial, and utter despair fogging Jim’s every sense— but the most he could do was nod once. He didn’t want to contradict any bit of his testimony by saying what the red part of him was urging and he didn’t want to enthusiastically accept. He had no choice but to accept, and hated the part of him that celebrated.

“Captain,” she called out once more as he was inches from the door.

He turned around with less gusto this time, his shoulders unable to stay in the stoic position they were once in.

“Starfleet command sent me your application for the Vice Admiral position here at this installation.”

He looked down for a moment and contemplated withdrawing the application.

When he scolded himself this time, though, he told himself not to be so controlled by you, by his feelings for you. The angry, red part of him would lose gas eventually and die down— and the other parts of him needed rest, no matter where that was. He couldn’t let himself be so concerned about what you did to him when you weren’t concerned in any way about it— you were okay and he wasn’t but he wanted to be, he would try to be.

Jim just needed a break. He needed a break from the back-aching perfect posture, from the command gold tunic, from the idea that he would continue to chase something so far out of reach its existence was doubtful. Truthfully, Jim needed a break from being what he thought was himself— he needed to spend time getting to know the person underneath all of it, the person he’d been silencing for years. And a break from the Enterprise, the starting of a new job on Yorktown, would help him do just that.

“Yes, ma’am. Um,” he cleared his throat and looked away. “If I may, I recommend Commander Spock replace me as captain of the Enterprise. He is an exemplary Starfleet officer— he’d make a great captain.”

Commodore Paris smiled at Jim. Her eyes were a bit narrowed and a knowing expression crossed her features. She watched him silently for a few moments until saying, “It isn’t uncommon, you know, even for a captain, to want to leave.”

He didn’t respond.

“There is no relative direction in the vastness of space. There’s only yourself, your ship, your crew— it’s easier than you think, to get lost.”

Jim shook his head. “It’s not about—”

“I’ll bring it up with the General Council. We’ll discuss it when you return.”

In resignation, Jim took that as a goodbye— he almost laughed at the thought that it didn’t seem like an evening for long-winded goodbyes. Just short, one-worded goodbyes like his nod and soft, “Ma’am” before exiting.

--

Being back on the Enterprise inspired a feeling you couldn’t even explain to yourself. It was a strange mix of anxiousness, satisfaction, nostalgia, paralyzing fear, and a bit of elation. You didn’t know if you wanted to smile or scowl, hunch your shoulders forward or walk with your head held high.

The crew was aware of your previous indiscretions— it was hot gossip that circulated through the starship in no time. Of course, that meant there were whispers surrounding you and clinging to your red uniform dress like lint. You told yourself to be unbothered by it, to not mind what was said one bit because you’d done your time, you’d done all you had to in order to rectify the situation— it wasn’t like you’d broken every heart on board like you’d broken Jim’s and your own.

Besides, you were only on board until you were able to locate the stranded ship and deliver them their captain safe and sound.

But there was comfort in knowing you had Leonard and, according to their behavior the minute they spotted you, you had Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu— they were more than you needed and much more than you expected.

As you walked out of the medbay with Leonard by your side, you pulled the cuffs of your sleeves so they covered your palms. “Is it too late to back out?”

Snorting, he nodded. “It was too late the minute you interrupted my date with your incessant calls.”

“I needed advice,” you shrugged, offering him a half-smile in apology when he looked your way. “And you’re the wisest, sneakiest man I know.”

“What’s sneakiness got to do with it?”

You stood beside him in the turbolift leading to the bridge, leaning against the wall behind you when you felt the ship jolt as it launched. “I just thought I’d mention it since I have yet to kill you for scamming Jim and I into talking.”

“It was gonna happen eventually. I was just the catalyst,” he said, smiling to himself.

“Catalyst, my ass. If anything, it made him hate me more.”

“Don’t confuse love with hate, sweetheart,” he was practically singing as he followed you off the turbolift.

“Don’t plant ideas in my head, Bones.”

“Does Spock know you’re back?”

You shrugged. “Jim or Uhura probably told him by now.”

“I’m sad I missed it.” He sighed out dreamily, “To be a fly on that wall, darlin’.”

The buzz of the bridge seemed to die down as you stepped through the sliding door. Several pairs of eyes flashed to you, then to Jim, then back at the consoles at which each nosy officer was situated.

You snorted softly to yourself and crossed your arms over your chest. You knew you couldn’t let yourself look vulnerable to any of it— what they could have been saying or thinking, what fluttering overwhelmed your chest when you remembered Jim was sitting just a few feet from you.

You smiled as you approached the pink pearlescent-skinned Kalara, standing beside her while Leonard stood as close to you as he could.

You wanted to thank him for being so protective, especially seeing how he stood before you to eclipse any negativity that could be sent your way. Instead, you clasped his hand in yours and gave it a firm squeeze.

He leaned in your direction a bit to bump his shoulder against yours and smiled to himself.

“Lieutenant Uhura, open a ship-wide channel.”

Before flipping the switches required, Uhura said a simple, “Yes, Captain.”

“Attention, crew of the Enterprise,” you almost grimaced at his typical captain voice. It was something you didn’t miss. “Our mission is straightforward. Rescue a crew stranded on a planet in uncharted space. Our trajectory will take us through an unstable nebula—”

“Phenomenal,” Leonard muttered, forcing you to cover your lips with your free hand as you laughed softly.

“ — one which will disable all communications with Starfleet. We’re gonna be on our own.”

Leonard sighed, “Incredible.”

“The Enterprise has something no other ship in the fleet has— you. As we’ve come to understand, there is no such thing as the unknown, only the temporarily hidden.”

“He’s talking about you,” Leonard told you in a whispered voice.

You nudged his ribs with your elbow sharply. “Shut up, I’m trying to listen to the most inspirational speech of the century.”

Leonard only shook in silent laughter as his response.

“Kirk out.”

There were rumbles outside the ship and flashes of lightning that did little to illuminate the bridge once the overhead lights were lost. Each of the faces around you was visible only because of said lightning and the nebula’s orange glow.

As you and Leonard exchanged glances, Jim looked up at Spock. He traced the stoic, plain features of his First Officer and imagined to himself how Spock could look so unbothered, so calm when the ship shook and darkness overtook them. Jim thought he should learn from the pointy-eared, bowl-haired half-Vulcan, maybe ask if he could do a brief tutorial on the secrets of being unaffected.

After a collection of silent minutes, Chekov’s hum broke you out of the daze that kept your vision locked on the cracks of lightning ripping through the black backdrop. “Readings indicate cloud density diminishing, sir.”

Ten flashes of lightning passed within the following seconds and a computerized voice spoke to your left. “This is Altamid. My ship is stranded here.”

You repeated that to yourself in your head— Altamid. Something about it felt strange, as did the coordinates you’d seen in the case file— you thought you might recognize them if you looked a little harder but had no such luck. That familiarity was the basis of your interest in the case.

As the ship moved closer to the planet that was a shade of blue resembling Earth, the bridge lights flickered on. You took a half-step closer to Leonard.

“Approaching Altamid,” Spock stated, his voice rumbling through the otherwise silent bridge. He fussed with the console before him. “Class M planet. Massive subterranean development. But limited to no life forms on the surface.”

A low beeping began. Chekov started to shift. “Proximity alert, sir. We have an unknown ship heading right for us.”

You noticed Kalara stare at the Russian navigator, her eyes a bit wide and her posture tense.

The beeping grew louder, Leonard’s grip on your hand grew tighter.

“Lieutenant Uhura, hail them,” Jim said, his voice still and unwavering.

“Yes, Captain.”

The siren’s whining beeps continued as Uhura flipped another set of switches and toyed with the knobs on her console, her almond-shaped eyes narrowing. “No response,” she continued. “I am picking up some kind of signal.”

You looked away from the viewing screen and met Kalara’s gaze. She was still shifting, her fingers shook slightly, her face showed something far from indifference— there was emotion saturating her entire being and it worried you. Something felt off.

“They’re jamming us,” Uhura stated, her voice tuned with confusion as the usually smooth skin of her forehead creased.

Jim rose from his chair and started towards the screen— you continued to stare at the woman beside you, though. “Magnify, Mr. Sulu.”

You looked at Leonard and pulled on his hand to gain his attention. “Something’s off.”

“What do you—”

There were several high-pitched beeps from the viewing screen that grabbed your attention, the ship displayed there massive as it seemed to be shifting, constantly moving and changing shape.

Jim turned to look at the stranded captain beside you. His eyebrows were knit together and his shoulders were pulled back. “What is this?”

She only looked between you, Jim, and Leonard wordlessly. Her fingers continued to shake, her feet constantly in shifty motion, her face reflecting apprehension.

“Shields up! Red alert!” Jim shouted before a loud alarm blared throughout the bridge. The lights bordering each console glowed with a red brighter than your uniform and everyone jumped into action.

Suddenly, the shape-shifting ship before the Enterprise dissipated— thousands of tiny, almost housefly-like ships exploded across the sky and headed towards the flagship of the fleet.

“Fire at will,” Jim called.

Red beams emitted from the Enterprise and were somehow useless against the flies. Sulu fired several other, larger torpedoes and they went by with minimal impact.

You turned to Kalara and tried to tune out the alarm’s blaring and Chekov’s voice as he spoke to Jim. You placed your hand on her upper arm and gripped tighter than you should have. “You know what’s happening, don’t you?”

She only stared at you.

You traced the pink rope-like grooves that began above her forehead and clung to her scalp until meeting with her neck to then follow her stressed limbs that shook minutely. You tried to speak over your heart’s nervous thudding in your ears. “You have to tell me something— we’re here for your ship, for God’s sake.”

“Captain, we are not equipped for this manner of engagement,” Spock said from behind you.

You looked at the viewing screen again and the small ships that seemed so ineffectual from farther away now resembled the most vicious bullets. As they pelted the ship in every direction, you had to grip onto the console in your vicinity for balance.

A loud crash rang through the ship and Chekov shouted, “Shield frequencies have no effect, sir!”

“They took out the dish,” Sulu added. “Shields are inoperable.”

“Warp us out of here, Mr. Sulu,” Jim said before turning around to face you. “Did she say anything?”

“No, she won’t speak.” You swallowed. “Captain, no science survey ship could survive this kind of impact.”

“What are you saying?”

“There’s no ship to rescue. I think she has something to do with this.”

Jim sat down and sighed loudly. “Why aren’t we moving?”

“I can’t engage the warp drive, sir,” Sulu answered. The shaking of his voice sounded like every scream you held inside of you.

“Scotty, I need warp now,” Jim said, his head pointed towards the receiver in his chair.

You heard a worrisome, out of breath Scottish voice on the other line, “I cannae, sir. The nacelles, they’ve— They’ve gone.”

Jim somehow managed to keep his calm, his arms set atop the rests and his voice clear as he stated, “Security, engage all emergency procedures. Active protocol 28 Code One Alpha Zero. All personnel to alert stations.”

Just as you were about to leave, Jim turned to face you. “Not you. You’re here to watch her, you stay with her. Get her to talk.”

“Captain, —”

“That’s an order.”

You watched as Spock and Leonard left their respective locations on the bridge to enter the closest turbolifts. When you finally focused on the woman you were meant to be helping, you sighed out and said to yourself in a soft, dry voice, “Welcome back to the Enterprise, (Y/N).”

PART 5

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[magterrific]

meditations

based on a prompt from a post i can’t find

We live in adjacent apartments and one day I accidentally knocked a hole in the wall and into your living room I’m really sorry oh my god you’re naked

Leonard has never been a particularly calm person. Sure, he's a top surgeon, but that's a matter of channeling his energy into something productive. Outside the O.R. he doesn't need that hyper focus, so he winds up trying to burn off the extra energy any way he can.

When he was younger he enjoyed going for runs, but his knees have started protesting. He already does as much time at the gym as he can take- the tedium of reps and running in place eventually only makes the situation worse. He could go out with Jim, but going out with Jim isn't the sort of thing a person who can't be hungover at work the next day ought to do during the work week.

One of the hospital's residents, Chekov, swears by yoga- as does Leonard's landlord. Sulu knows how twitchy Leonard gets, and he's cornered him more than once about taking up the practice.

Leonard is more than a little wary, for reasons he can't quite place, but eventually he gives in and buys a mat and a book that looks like it's going to be straightforward.

Now he's got the book on the ground, open to the first page of the first routine, and he's accepting that he's a man who wears leggings recreationally. When Jim inevitably finds out, Leonard just knows it's going to suck.

That's a matter for another day. for the moment, he just has to take a deep breath, let it out, and bend forward.

The moment his head gets parallel with his hips, he starts to sway.

Doing this drunk was probably not the great idea he thought it was.

He gets through a few poses with a little wobbling, but that comes to an end when the book starts telling him to take one foot off the floor. The wobbling gets worse. Leonard’s center of balance feels like it’s six feet over his head. That should tell him it’s time to stop.

The problem is, Leonard has always been driven. He finishes what he starts.

So rather than sit back and recover, he plows on.

Right until he has to go from being bent in half with his head facing his knees to standing tall. That’s what does him in. He goes too quickly, and instead of gracefully flowing into a standing position, Leonard winds up flinging himself backwards into the wall.

Which, because he’s still living in a cheap apartment with thin walls, he falls through- and lands right on his neighbor.

It’s the quiet guy with the awful haircut who keeps to himself and barely seems willing to return Leonard’s morning nod. The one Sulu told him to be nice to because he just got broken up with six months ago. (Sulu has Ben, and the two are a devastatingly sweet couple. Time works differently for him.)

What was this guy’s name again?

And, more pressing, why the hell is he sitting around naked?

The guy’s eyes narrow, and Leonard realizes he said that last bit aloud. Luckily for him, he’s drunk, so rather than get embarrassed, he just smiles up at his neighbor and says, “Howdy.”

His neighbor doesn’t smile back. “Will you be removing yourself from my lap yourself, or will you require my help?”

Leonard thinks about that for a while. “Do I have to get up?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“You’re certain?”

“Absolutely.”

Unfortunate, because despite the haircut, the guy is actually good looking. His ears are kinda funny, though, and his face is tinged green across the cheeks-

“Oh, you’re a Vulcan.”

“Well deduced. Now, if you would please get up…”

Leonard does, albeit reluctantly. It’s been a while since he had company that wasn’t his hand. “You should tell me your name.”

“I fail to see why.”

He has a point, but even three sheets to the wind, Leonard’s mother’s voice is loud in his ears. “I’m gonna have to apologize later about this- and pay to fix the wall. It’d be good if I knew who to address the letter to.”

“There is no need-”

“There is every need.”

The guy tilts his head, visibly considering the wisdom of giving his name to Leonard, before sighing and saying, “Spock.”

Leonard quirks a smile at him. “Nice meeting you, Spock.”

With that, he turns and squeezes himself back through the hole in the wall.

 xx

 Two days later, Leonard puts on a nice pair of slacks and a polo, grabs his letter and the pie he made that morning, and knocks on Spock’s door.

It doesn’t take long for Spock to answer. He swings the door open and silently regards Leonard with a quirked eyebrow. He isn’t naked this time.

Leonard isn’t sure whether he’s relieved or disappointed.

“I see you’ve come back.”

Leonard nods and extends his pie and the apology letter. “I’m sorry about the other night.”

“It was an accident.”

“Yeah, well, I still feel bad about it. So take the pie and let me pay to fix the wall, all right?”

“My mother would be disappointed in me if I did not invite you in.”

Leonard blinks, thrown. “I wasn’t aware that was a Vulcan custom.”

“It is not,” Spock says mildly. “My mother is human.”

Ah. “You don’t have to let me in if you don’t want to.”

“I am aware. I have extended the invitation because, despite my misgivings, you are the most interesting person I have met here.”

Despite Leonard’s misgivings, he steps inside.

 xx

  One week later, he finds out that getting fucked into a mattress by an annoyed Vulcan is the best way to burn off extra energy.

[furederiko]

Kyuranger's 26th episode offers us a neat metaphor, of how emotions plays a crucial key to unlock the darkness in one's heart!

- Our episode immediately begins with a mecha fight. A concerning fact, because in case you forget, it's a Super Sentai sign that a bad thing is going to happen in the latter half. And since last week, it's very obvious who's going to be involved in one: Naga Ray. - Yes... he's still reeling in to what happened at Planet Tocky, that he ends up disrupting the balance of Kyutamajin. Pointing out a good minor point, that all 12 members need to be in sync to operate this massive combination. Phoenix Soldier eventually 'benches him out', as the giant robot is separated into its smaller components to take down the two Indavers and Consumarz. Naga wrongfully thinks that him being 'different', is helding the others back. - Problem is, this comes to the attention of someone unwelcome: Vice-Shogun Akyanba! Hideous and atrocious-looking design aside (Seriously, what is she based on? A ray? And what about that disturbing dino-head torso? Those crooked teeth... ugh!), we can already tell that Akyanba is a clever and cunning antagonist. Why? A good antagonist observes the situation, and plans ahead before making an attack. And that's exactly what she's doing. She's aware that if one member is out of the equation, the team can no longer form Kyutamajin! That's why Naga instantly becomes her prime target... Fun fact: Lest we forget, Akyanba is voiced by (another) former yellow, Arisa Komiya. Komiya played Yellow Buster in the 2012's "Tokumei Sentai Go-Busters". She showed up in Kyoryuger's TOEI NEXT V-Cinema title, and then last year's "Kamen Rider Ghost". Just like Raptor's VA, she has been branching out to the Voice Acting business in recent years. - Naga tells the others, that despite spending half a season all these time with the team, he hasn't acquired any emotions. Which is a bit ironic, since feeling frustrated, worried, and expressing disappointments (all signs circling around envy)... are in fact sign of emotions! Commander Xiao even kindly points that out. LOL. - Sadly, the team's concentration is being split to work out their 'Time Travel' mission. Particularly Tsurugi's concern on how it will affect the timeline. So they seem to be neglecting Naga's inner struggle. Since Balance needs more time to sync the ORION with the Horologium Kyu Globe, Xiao decides they should have a break. Barbeque break! A seemingly harmless intermezzo, that ends up backfiring instead. Because it opens up a solid opportunity for Akyaban to hatch her plan. - Ironically, Naga initially wants to stay behind and help Balance. But the golden mechanical life-form tells him to "take the load off". And then later, Hammy goes out her usual blatant way, and tells Naga to stop relying on Balance. She says that Naga should start thinking and doing things for his own. Nothing wrong with what both are doing, right? Yep, except for the fact that they are unintentionally pushing Naga to the edge, plunging him directly into Akyanba's manipulative play. - Obviously, seeing Akyanba draws out hidden emotions from humans, intrigues Naga. Just like TOEI, Akyanba isn't even trying to be subtle, as she specifically approaches Ophiucus Silver during the fight, offering him to... 'unlock' his true emotions. Another proof of her cunningness, as she pulls out of the fight right after. She's not trying to destroy the Kyuranger by power, nor by force (she actually can, since Phoenix Soldier points out that she's gotten more stronger), but by tearing them apart from the inside. - The team is concerned about this development, when Tsurugi shares that people from the Ophiucus System originally had 'incredibily intense emotions'. Naga tells Hammy that his people used to be overcomed by hatred and rage. Apparently, they decided to abandon emotions and individuality, in order to achieve peace. - Unfortunately, Naga's desire to have emotions... to be 'the same' like the other Kyurangers, is just too strong to resist. Thus the unexpected but inevitable happens: Naga himself, chooses to accept Akyanba's offer. Yes, a startling twist that might be the first in Super Sentai history, because a hero agrees to be swayed into the darkness... on his own free will!!! Fun fact: The 'Evil Hero' trope itself is actually annually used in the franchise, but most if not all of them involved brainwashing, mind control, or other similar tricks. For example, "Shuriken Sentai Ninnninger" has used this 'swaying a hero into their dark side' trope before, in the whole pointless minor subplot that had Kyuuemon Izayoi lured StarNinger to become evil. It failed miserably, if you ask me. Also, it might be more than just a coincidence, but the 27th episode of "Kira Kira Precure A La Mode" that was aired on August 13th (yep, a week before this episode), also attempted similar twist to Cure Gelato. I'm using the word 'attempted' because well... the antagonist Elysio only succeeded for a brief moment *sigh*. Interestingly, looks like that female-targetted SHT show is going to dwelve into similar angle for its 29th episode that will air this Sunday! - The team has to be split into two. Lucky, Tsurugi, Stinger, and Spada address Hammy's call for help to prevent Naga from 'surrendering' himself to Akyanba. Raptor, Champ, and the combi of Garu and Kotarou, hit the town to deal with the emotionally berserking victims (using Lyra, Aries, and #34 Coma Berenices Kyu Globe respectively... to hillarious effects). While the second team succeeds, it's already too late for the first team... as Naga has already entered the Dark Side. You're correct, it IS another a "Star Wars" reference! Dang it though, that witch-like scene that sees Akyanba infusing and suffocating darkness into Naga... is both juicy and creepy to see *shivers*. - Yes, Naga has acquired his hidden emotions now, and well... it's NOT good. AT ALL. He has been turned into a completely different person who's exuding sassiness, angst, malice, and... just plain evil. An ironically snake-like personality for someone from the Snake-Charmer constellation system. If you ask me, it's an amazing albeit terrifying scene, as Naga's actor seems to be going all out, hamming up his performance. Clearly he's having fun with this 'evil' version, because unlike Naga's usual 'flat' personality (which is much bigger challenge for an actor, IMHO), this enables him to showcase a variety of emotions. Spock to Spook, eh? - And things turn to worse. His Ophiucus Kyu Globe evolves into the Dark Kyu Globe, along with the purple/black-colored Dark Constellation Blaster. He's no longer Ophiucus Silver, as he has now become... Ophiucus Metal. Sure, this 'power up' form does look a bit corny and over-the-top, especially with all those weird add-ons and Egyptian nods. But I have to admit, I'm totally LOVING this scary berserking personality. The blaster uses that ominous minor tone that just sounds right for my taste, and he can even shoot deadly beam from that huge disturbing eye on the torso. Not to mention, that amazing and fitting BGM? It helps amp up this painful fight between comrades to feel more... eerie, dire, and disturbingly emotional. Ophiucus Metal almost kills Chamaeleon Green on the spot! Seriously, this entire scene is giving me all the chills!!! Fun Fact: The name 'Ophiucus Metal', is actually a neat little pun. Because in Japanese, it would be 'Hebi-tsukai Metal'. Get it? Hebi-Metal? 'Heavy-Metal'? Also, we know that Silver itself is a Metal element, so it is generally a smart choice of name. LOL. - The emotional turmoil is not over. The team obviously has to inform Balance about this unfortunate turn, and he's not taking this easy. At the same time, Hammy is openly blaming herself, for talking 'too much' to Naga. Balance decides to stay off the 'Time Travel' mission to bring back Naga to the good side. Lucky, Hammy, Garu, and Kotarou decide to stick around to join his crusade, while the others depart to the past using the Horologium-powered ORION. For the first time in Super Sentai history, we have 2 teams of 6 heroes (we still need to count Naga as well, right?) in one show, separated across time and space. From the beginning, Akyanba's main goal has been to split the team apart. Looks like it doesn't take long for that to come into fruition, huh?

Overall: In case you haven't realized it yet, there's one thing that Kyuranger is REALLY good at as a show: to toy and/or mess around with our emotions. After the heartgutting arc with Stinger, Commander Xiao's past regret, Tsurugi's lone-survivor syndrome, and Kotarou's brief moment with his mother just last week, one would doubt they can deliver another serving, right? Wrong. Seeing Naga succumbed himself into darkness, in order to obtain the one thing he truly desire, was intense and equally (if not more) heartbreaking to watch. I found myself genuinely feeling terrified for his sake, trembling with goosebumps and fear, particularly when the others failed to prevent him. And that says A LOT. While other shows have tried to pull it off with various results, with Naga, it hurts so much. Meaning, audience (clearly I'm not alone in this) truly cared about this character! His fall into the dark side came with such a big twist too: he himself CHOSE to be that way. As far as many recall, it's something new that hasn't been done in the franchise before. So it was more than just heartwrenching, but also shocking. More importantly, this turn of event did NOT come out of left field. It's a natural progression to his character! Hints towards this have been peppered throughout since his debut (Remember Planet Vela? And then on Planet Tocky...). After all, Naga DID become a Kyuranger to obtain emotions. He's just, a bit 'impatient' to have one, which was the core message here. What's happening to Naga is a subtle metaphor about those who are 'different', or as the negative-society often calls as... 'abnormal'. It's about the worst possible outcome of what happens when someone is pushed to the limits, in order to 'fit in' with the others. That's truly a strong and sensitive issue! I also really loved the fact that this plot helped push a wonderful development in other characters as well. In this case, the considerably 'underused' Hammy, and his BFF Balance. Hammy's way of spouting anything on her mind sort of backfired and pushed Naga towards the wrong direction. So it was equally painful to see her blaming herself for it. And then there was Balance and his carefree way of seeing things lightly. This trait failed him to see that his BFF has been struggling, and it might lead towards dire consequences. Furthermore, this arc continues another really neat trend of the show: it's the internal members, and not the the antagonists who tend to complicate matters for the team! Which is great, because it attracts conflicts that direct towards stronger team-bonding moment. Overall, this is truly yet another highlight of the show. Another proof that Kyuranger is just such a fantastic season to follow. TOEI is firing on all cylinders here! Beside... Evil Naga is simply a delight to see, even if we might only see him for a brief amount of time... XD Next week: Trouble aboard the ORION? What happens in the past, stays in the past...

Episode 26 Score: 8,4 out of 10

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[jamest-kirk]

is there anything you would be willing to write that includes bones' xenopolycythemia like in "for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky?"

Jim walks in on Bones and Chapel arguing when he arrives in med bay. That’s not anything new; he’s find Bones arguing with everyone on the ship at least once. The people he’s closest to, at least once a day. “Ms. Chapel,” Jim calls, drawing the attention of both Christine and Bones alike, “you called for me?” “Yes, Captain,” she says. “I can take it from here,” Bones tells her, and Jim watches the woman look at him a bit suspiciously. “McCoy-” “I’ll give Jim a full report,” Bones promises, and then Christine is off.

“What was that all about?” Jim asks curiously, “please don’t tell me that case of Andorian Shingles is back inside these walls.” “No, last time I checked, you were Alien-STD free.” “Where would I be without you?” Jim replies to that with a faint smile, “so what’s up?” “I ran the semi-annually medical reports by all the crew,” Bones explains, “everyone’s health is stable or improving. Save for one.” “Is it Spock? He was awfully grumpy the other day.” “No,” Bones replies, “my own. I had Chapel run the test three times, and it appears I’ve caught Xenopolycythemia.” “… Okay?” Jim replies, because for a brief moment, he doesn’t even realize what that means. The disease sounds vaguely similar, but then most diseases do, because Bones is fascinated by them and talks about them in great lengths. “Jim,” Bones starts, dragging out his name the way he always does when he’s irritated, “it’s that-” “-blood disease,” Jim finishes his sentence, “I remember. Wait. No, that must be a mistake. There’s no cure for that.” “I’m aware,” Bones says. “That doesn’t seem right,” Jim says, reaching out to feel Bones’ forehead, much to Bones’ annoyance, “you look fine to me.” “I feel fine,” Bones agrees, “we caught it in its early stages. But there’s not much we can do about it other than wait.” “Jesus, no. There has to be something. How long do patients with Xenopolycythemia usually have?” “A year, if they’re lucky,” Bones says, and Jim flinches. “No, we’ll find a way to cure you.”

Hearing your friend has this incurable disease sucks, yeah. But what sucks even more is when Jim has to watch him suffer about it, too, though being too stubborn to deny Bones is uncomfortable or in pain, the doctor works as hard as he always would. Jim notices, though. Sees the shifts in him; slowly drinking more to cope at first. Then, by Chapel’s recommendation: morphine. It helps, for a while, and a dopey Bones is one of the most amazing things he’s seen in a while.

“I love space,” Bones says, and Jim raises an eyebrow. “Since when?” “Since it’s been my home when I had nowhere else to go,” Bones replies, and Jim smiles through a frown. “Don’t you want to quit when we get to York Town? You’ll have  Jo, and better medical facilities to support you.” “You wanna get rid of me?” Bones jokes, but Jim’s quick “No” is very serious. “I want you to stop exhausting yourself and focus on spending as much time as you can with the people you love.” “Joanna excluded, I am with the people I love. It’s bad enough that you guys have to see me either away because of some stupid blood disease, I won’t let Joanna see me-” “Bones, Jesus, she has the right to at least know her dad’s dying, give her a chance to say goodbye at least.” “No, I cant. Please just respect that decision.” “I’ll accept it,” Jim replies, “but I far from respect it.”

Bones gets gradually worse, and Jim supports him through it while Chapel becomes the new CMO. Bones researches his own disease, and to Jim’s surprise, Spock joins him on a lot of nights. It’s just the three of them in Bones’ quarters, Jim and Spock going through research papers while Bones actually tests out potential cures. Nothing seems to work, and Jim is increasingly more frustrated. Bones has been his best friend since day one at the academy. Bones brought him back to life, cured a number of diseases that were supposed to be incurable to Jim, and yet he persisted until Jim was cured. If Jim had been the one with xenopolycythemia, Bones would’ve already found a cure. For himself, though, Bones takes it easy. Avoids calls with his daughter. Pretty much drinks more than he should to function well in his research.

Jim’s patience has run out, but it’s by the time Spock comes with a potential solution. Something Ambassador Spock gave him, because apparently his Bones suffered the same illness there and managed to survive. Jim stays with Bones, who has a terrible fever. Chapel worries he’s too sick for the cure Spock came up with. “No,” Jim says, “we have a cure. If it worked on Ambassador Spock’s Bones before, it’ll work on our Bones now. Start the session now.”

The whole time Bones goes through that therapy session, he’s in extreme pain and discomfort. Jim stays by his side the whole time, sleeps in the chair next to his bio bed while the other’s more dead than alive. Chapel informs him that the cure is working, and Bones will be himself again, but Jim still watches him deliriously struggle through unconsciousness while his body recovers from the whole ordeal.

"How are you feeling?" Jim asks the first time he catches Bones awake. "Am I dead?" Bones asks, and Jim smiles lightly. "Almost," he says, reaching out for Bones' hand and he squeezes it softly, "I was afraid you were going to bite the dust, there." "The only dust I'm gonna end up bitin' is freaking space dust," Bones huffs, and Jim laughs. "Back to hating space, then?" He asks, and Bones shrugs lightly. "I don't like space," he says, "this disease ridden, danger and silent-" Bones is silenced by Jim, who leans in to kiss him. "Okay, you got me," Bones says, "I don’t like space, but I guess I do love the people up here.."