#yes I understand it's important to see a fat woman being loved on by attractive men

[missmitchieg]

i'm surprised at the lack of garcia gifs recently. i check the criminalmindsedit and cmedit tags and it's mostly gifs of Reid, Emily and JJ nowadays (sometimes even Hotch). And yes, I can always make garcia gifs but at the same time, it doesn't feel the same when others make content of your favorite character, you get what I mean? idk if that makes sense

If you only knew how often I feel like this gif about Penelope content (especially Penelope content that isn't centered around her in relation to Reid, Morgan, or Luke!!!!!! Even though I do love me some Wonder Twins bonding and Hotchcia bonding and Garvez and Morcia love fests, sometimes I just wanna talk about Her.):

I gotta make redhead!Garcia pictures/gifs

I gotta write the fic in my head about her video camera phobia

And the one about the beginnings of her giant ass coffee/tea mug collection

AND the one about her anglophile baking club that's forgotten after 16x01

I gotta write the Garcia x reader content

I gotta look for parallels in the show no one else notices about Garcia

I gotta whine about only knowing the names of her mom, adoptive dad, and brothers, but not her bio dad and the fact that I personally feel like we don't see enough flashbacks to young Pen's life with them because once again, MAYBE if Barbara and Emilio hadn't died, Penelope wouldn't have dropped out, met Shane, went Goth, and dumped Shane to join the BAU!!!!

[sharpth1ng]

I don't know if you remember but I'm the trans guy who asked if there'll be a cis version for the sequel cause he couldn't read the trans version due to some heavy body dysmorphia going on.

Soooo update I finally am able to read the trans version... You probably don't remember but the way you responded helped me a lot to come to terms with the way my body looks right now and that I can still be a man, even like this.

(Tbh for the longest time I thought I was a transphobic woman bc trans characters who hadn't transitioned gave me panic attacks and it's kinda funny in retrospect lol I was just dumb)

And I dunno I just needed you to know that you wrote that beautifully and I'm so relived and happy to be kinda content right now. I haven't felt this good about me... Ever?

And I just read the christmas scene and Stu saw Billy naked for the first time and... And he just wants and loves Billy exactly the way he is and that was so... Healing. (honestly am totally in love with your Stu anyway but this really sealed the deal).

Long story short I have been crying for 30 minutes now. Honestly tears of joy and relief. Thank you!

(I hope you don't mind me telling you this)

Hey dude I definitely remember you! Your ask was important to me, honestly, transmascs like you are some of the people this fic is for. To be clear its for everyone, but the whole reason I wrote two versions was because of my own fluctuating relationship with dysphoria. I understand why you weren't feeling ok to read the trans version, and I'm glad it ended up being a healing experience for you, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.

And just as a side note I don't think it dumb you were afraid you were just a transphobic woman. I think it's really easy to internalize transphobia especially when you're still processing your identity. Transphobia is everywhere and it's unquestioned, and in a lot of cases it's more accessible than trans rhetoric that's positive and affirming. I would argue that transphobia has a major presence in a lot of trans communities too honestly, that's what trans-medicalism is.

The reality is our bodies aren't worse than cis bodies, they aren't less attractive. They're just different, but the world acts like it's a fucking tragedy to have to cut your tits off and take hormones, and that's bullshit. I'm a much more attractive trans dude than I was a cis woman. Do I still have a complicated relationship with parts of my body? Yes. Do I still have dysphoria? Yes. But so do cis people.

I wrote the trans version specifically because I wasn't seeing a lot of transmasc representation (in fic or other media) that felt true and affirming to me- not that the other stuff can't be affirming to other transmascs, just I wasn't finding stuff that felt like a positive version of my own experience.

I think theres a tendency to focus on body, dysphoria, and insecurity in trans fiction in a way that isn't untrue, but also which doesn't give me the ability to engage in fun smut the same way I feel cis people get to. Cis people can be insecure about their bodies in lots of ways, I'd argue cis people also experience gender dysphoria (think cis women with small chests, cis men who have breasts or smaller penises, ect.), but it's not nearly as common for sexual depictions of them in fiction to focus on those insecurities, and on navigating the way other people react to their bodies ahead of the actual smut.

The other place I see this happening is with sexual depictions of fat people and disabled people. Our bodies and minds are positioned as barriers in sexual situations, and while realistically we may have things to navigate that cis, thin or able bodied people don't, that doesn't mean those barriers need to be centered in erotica that involves us. Cis, thin, able bodied people have insecurities and sexual hang-ups too, so why do they get to be written as having fun, positive sex without centering those things when we don't? To me it positions transness, fatness, and disability as inherently being a barrier to positive sexuality and I just think that's unrealistic.

I'm rambling but all that is to say, this has been healing to me too. We deserve depictions of ourselves that acknowledge the differences and barriers we do have (like, Billy is still scared about coming out, it's hard for him to do, thats a barrier) without making them the whole experience.

I'm really glad you're feeling better about things, and i'm really, really fucking touched that my writing could be a part of that 🖤

[tobeabatman]

personally i don't really think one is better than the other but as a woc i've felt far more accepted in body neutrality circles than modern body positivity circles- this used to be different but the last couple years have really changed things.

woc specifically, more so than literally any other demographic, are constantly faced with either fetishism or straight up rejection of both our bodies and our features. we're taught from a very early age that we're either sexy or we're disgusting, ugly, or wrong. body positivity, despite being well-intentioned, can sometimes reinforce those views in some poc. we have to love our bodies, we can't look at them negatively, we can't think negatively about how we look, every negative thought has to be challenged, we are hot, we are beautiful. once again, we're placing an emphasis on the way that we look instead of who we are and giving power to the idea that being "beautiful" or "attractive" matters at all.

neutrality does the opposite- maybe we don't like our bodies, maybe we don't like our faces, maybe we don't like our skin, maybe we don't like our weight, our fat distribution, it could be anything. or maybe we love them. maybe we're pretty, maybe we're ugly- either way, it means nothing. bodies are just bodies, nothing more. social attitudes towards my features, weight and appearance hold no relevance to who i am as a person. the way i feel about how i look has no impact on who i am. it doesn't matter how my body looks or how i/anybody else feel about it, because all it is is a body. it's just a vessel and literally every single other thing about me is far more important and interesting than how that vessel looks and how i decorate it. i don't have to love it and i don't have to hate it, i don't have to be positive or negative about it, it's still going to function the same regardless, because that's what it exists to do and the way that it looks doesn't matter.

to be honest, i really do like body positivity as a sentiment but the entire community as of late (not targeted at you, you seem lovely) tends to reek of white woman tears. the amount of times a white body positivity content creator has somehow brought poc experiences that they cannot begin to understand into their arguments is insane. it'll be a video response to a tiktok comment with a white blonde woman on screen and somehow she finds a way to call the commenter racist and start using woc experiences (especially of black women) to argue her own persecution and cement her own victimhood. on an objective level, yes, fat people, especially fat women, are treated unfairly and persecuted. fatphobia exists and it is a massive problem, and yes there are links between fatphobia and racism. but when white body pos creators and advocates are bringing racism into their arguments, almost framing it comparatively or implying that they somehow can connect with the poc experience solely on the basis of experiencing fatphobia, it's nothing more than implicit, insidious racism in my eyes.

i get why they do it, but my experiences do not exist to further a narrative, they do not exist to platform white people and they do not exist to be trivialised in order to prove a point which can be proven without dragging them in.

i think that sometimes (not always) the idea of diversity within a community tends to lean closer to tokenisation than actual inclusion. this isn't a criticism of you as a person, just of the wording of the post, but really often i see people talking about how a community isn't diverse enough and doesn't have enough poc as if we're some kind of quantative measure for a group to say "see! i'm not racist!". at the end of the day, genuine inclusion matters far more than diversity. if a community welcomes poc with open arms but doesn't have much involvement from poc, that is inclusion. we have the option to become involved but we are not forced or pressured to become involved because we aren't seen as special trophies for groups to collect. when a group welcomes poc with open arms and defines themselves by how nice they are to poc and how many of us are involved and how they're so superior to other groups for doing the bare minimum of allowing poc to exist within their space, that's racism. diversity and racism can coexist. a lot of us feel repelled from becoming engaged in body positivity solely because of how white women specifically brand woc experiences as their own and pat themselves on the back for sharing a space with us. our experiences are not theirs, and even if they coexist they are still not the same and not a topic for somebody else to speak on to better their own situation.

ofc other poc will disagree and that's completely okay, i don't expect everybody to feel the same, but just my two cents.

”I think that sometimes (not always) the idea of diversity within a community tends to lean closer to tokenisation than actual inclusion. this isn't a criticism of you as a person, just of the wording of the post, but really often i see people talking about how a community isn't diverse enough and doesn't have enough poc as if we're some kind of quantative measure for a group to say "see! i'm not racist!”

I totally get that lol. Honestly the reason I brought up POC is because I was afraid that (other white) people would blame me for not being diverse enough if I didn’t lmao. You have to mention racism in any discussion about diversity or otherwise you’ll get persecuted by performative white activists (although you guys are the judges of whether I’m one of them as well lmao).

I think we fat and disabled people are generally more critical of body-neutrality compared to other marginalized groups, because our experiences and marginalization does differ from e.g skinny able-bodied POC, despite all of us facing oppression for the ways we look.

(Anyway for everyone who didn’t see my original post: I’m not body-positive or body-neutral. I don’t think one is better than the other, either.)

Everyone have an amazing day! And call me out on any bullshit whenever you guys want to. I could have missed the point of this commenter totally.

Byeee

[shivaanath]

The Art of Self Love in 9 Simple Steps

Are you feeling bad that you are not beautiful? Then its time to change it with self love. One thing that greatly surprises me about many women and young girls is that – they feel they are not beautiful. These girls and women who are naturally blessed with great beauty feel they are not attractive just because they don’t fit into the definition of beauty created by someone else. They feel they are fat, ugly, and are insecure about the way they look. They lack self-love. Because of this false perception about themselves, they put heavy makeup, go through body-torturing diets to look like thin models, and enter wrong relationships just to listen to the words – “you are beautiful,” and eventually, they harm their self -esteem, body, health, and relationships.

Is this worth it? I don’t think so. Yes, it feels great to be attractive but not at the cost of one’s health, relationships, and happiness. Beauty is beautiful only when it comes with health, joy, and goodness.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to tell this to every woman and girl out there. Know your beauty and be proud of yourself. People may talk, comment, and write about you, but you don’t have to believe them. Don’t get caught up in what others say about you. Know who you are and live in your truth. Your confidence to live your truth makes you a magnetic personality.

Today, take some time to practice self-love. Below are 9 tips than can help you in this journey of self-love.

Admire your self. List down all your good qualities and accomplishments. When we write down our good qualities, our self-esteem improves and we feel more confident in life.

Many of us complain about hair and skin. For a change, today take time to compliment your hair, your skin, and see your beauty.

Forgive yourself of the mistakes you made in life. We all make mistakes. There is no one in this world who is always right.

Have a ‘me time’ where you do things that make you happy. Make time for your happiness.

Gift yourself something amazing and celebrate being you.

Understand how little value other people’s opinions have in your life. The most important thing is the love you have from your family and friends and an even more important thing is the love you have for yourself.

Pursue your hobbies. Hobbies make us happy and joyful.

Follow a healthy diet. Your body is precious and it needs the right fuel to work at an optimum level.

Surround yourself with positive people. Avoid toxic relationships as such relationships break your self-esteem.

Your body and your life is precious. Don’t torture your body with unhealthy diets, unhealthy makeup, and an unhealthy lifestyle just because some random person said you are not beautiful. Cherish your body, take good care of it, keep it healthy, and be proud of it no matter what others say. Your body is a gift given to you by the divine to live your purpose in life. You are unique, awesome, and beautiful in your own way, and you don’t need to follow society or trends about being beautiful. You deserve self-love and more.

Cheers to the beautiful You 

[ktheist]

(why) we got married | m

synopsis. they say the 7th year of your marriage is always an uphill battle - but with the existence of your prenup coming to light thanks to taehyung’s lawyer slash family friend’s slip of tongue - first it reached your and his families, and then your family’s close friends and then your family’s close friends’ friends until - almost everyone is speculating on the grounds of you and taehyung’s marriage being anything but love.

you’re not sure if you’re even going to make past the second year mark in your marriage. but is the reason you got married really as important as why you choose to stay or leave?

muses. chairman!taehyung x stewardess!reader

alternative title. as you are.

inspired by. the 1 by taylor swift

genre. arranged marriage au with a pinch of drama and angst

words. 12.5k

warnings. explicit content

verse. knj. ksj. myg. kth. pjm. jjk. jhs. story time.

x

in your defense, neither you nor taehyung made an elaborated plan to deceive both his family and yours with the marriage which yes, had been founded upon a contract. but that’s not the point - the point is, your father and brother never sat down with taehyung and had a man-to-man talk. and his mother never sniffed out your reason for marrying her son being his abundance of wealth. but when all comes to light, thanks to taehyung’s lawyer slash family friend who made a slip of tongue - your parents and his were the ones most vindictive about who’s digging whose gold.

and to be completely frank, you were one article away from calling up your mother and telling her that you seduced taehyung into marrying you - just so she’d stop baring her fangs at mrs. kim. these days the headlines keep blowing up your mother and mrs. kim’s completely-by-chance meeting at a five star restaurant that erupted into manic yelling and pointing fingers.

“what did you say, you-” the audio bleeps for a split second before your mother in law’s voice comes back on, “-it was your daughter that seduced my son!”

“you crazy-” the audio bleeps again, “-you better watch your mouth or i’ll-”

the remaining seconds of the video are filled with bleeps that make it hard to even understand what either woman was saying. a wave of regret floods your chest as you scroll down the words strewn out into a juicy, tea-spilling commentary on your and taehyung’s past - the writer seems to pick up the minor little details that, in hindsight, leaves a big fat question mark out in the open.

when exactly did ___ ___ and kim taehyung start dating?

the answer was never.

the two times you and taehyung were photographed together was at a cafe near your office and the other, near his penthouse wherein you were discussing the terms of the contracts by yourselves. the one near taehyung’s penthouse being the final stage where you both signed it on your ipads. to the naked eye, you probably looked like you were on a date and being young professionals, it was only a given that both of you had some sort of electronic on you at all times - even during dates.

everyone just assumed you were together and with the assumption of being together, comes the conclusion that you were deeply, madly in love. was it the way the picture caught you two looking at each other with smiles on your faces? was it it’s sister picture that stilled you in a frame where you’re looking at your ipad and taehyung looking at you with the same - possibly remaining - smile from the moment the first picture was taken? that, you will never know.

but so it goes, you started going to socials together because taehyung needed some cleansing from his... charm-filled past. he used to go to those with different partners each week, and the previous woman that went with him always ended up refusing to talk about it or boasting about her ‘relationship’ with him. that was of course, after yoo now-kim jeongyeon got married three years ago. he used to attend those socials with her for the most part.

but someway, somehow, his public record was clean of any drama.

you would know, you’ve seen the man in action with your very eyes. on your 7th social event together, son chaeyoung had marched up to you and him like a ticking time bomb, red-faced and flaring nostrils and all. you were about ready to stand your ground when taehyung softly touched your hand that was around his arm and asked if you minded if he left for some fresh air.

of course you didn’t - respectfully, you couldn’t care less what taehyung does as long as it didn’t bring a negative light to you and him and the dynasties you both carried over your shoulders. everyone had their eyes wide open and ears perked for what was to come when taehyung walked chaeyoung out to the hallway. but nothing happened, and you were left to mingle on your own until he returned, looking devilishly handsome as always and strutted up to you with an air of refined sureness.

chaeyoung didn’t come back with him but everything remained quiet - not even a dramatic “stay away from my man!” at any point of your contract. you never asked how he did it - you thought it involved money, but over time, you realized it was just kim taehyung and all the things that made those women attracted to him. and just like a flame, he’d burned the moths’ wings until they couldn’t flutter over to him anymore after your wedding.

“uh, miss, we’re here,” the driver calls, meeting your eyes through the rear-view mirror.

it takes you a few moments to close the cover of your ipad and shove it into your handbag before pulling out bills that’s worth more than your car ride, “thanks, keep the change.”

and with that, you hop out of the cab, ready to put on a facade of grace and confidence. the staff who knows you greets you with a range of emotions, some with unhinged admiration from day one, others with curiosity on what’s truly hidden beneath those darken ray bans - without a doubt, aware of the drama going on between their boss’ mother and their boss’ wife’s mother.

either way, you make sure to return each smile and greeting like you always do. red lips sewn across your face like an ever smiling doll.

it’s only once you’ve entered the elevator and luckily left to your own devices, do you let your shoulder sag, the smile downturned into a frown all the way until a ding echoes into the small compartment and a red ‘8′ flashes on top of the doors.

you don’t fail to fix the secretaries a smile, relief flooding over you at how their warm - or was it profession-required - greeting hasn’t changed even after the rumors spreading about your inevitable divorce - of course, purported by you and taehyung’s mothers.

“son, if you don’t divorce that woman right away, i-i,” and here you see for yourself, the woman who called you ‘my daughter’ with the most loving voice, stuttering into a fit of rage, “i don’t think i can face my friends anymore - that bitch jihye has been slandering our family saying you used her daughter to get hold of the company!”

mina is about to knock on the door and announce your arrival when you hold a hand up before placing an index finger to your lips. she doesn’t need to be told twice when she nods once and steps back to leave you eavesdropping on your mother in law and husband.

“that’s fair,” there isn’t even a stuttered beat in his response.

“what-”

“that’s part of the reason we got married,” he goes on, “and ___ needs some help setting up her brother with some connection so it works out - and mom, please refer to ___ and mrs. jeon by their names, ___ is still my wife and mrs. jeon is the woman who raised her.”

“y-you-” mrs. kim stutters out in disbelief just when you decide to make your presence known, hand on the door, “you ungrateful child, oh my- oh my-!” you walk into the sight of the woman falling backwards with mr. ji the kims’ lawyer stretching his arms out to catch her, shouting “madam!” while taehyung launching himself across the room, “mom!”

mrs. kim ends up hospitalized.

“it was a case of stress and overworking that should go away with a good few days’ break,” chairman kim who also opts to assume his seat as part of the hospital’s doctor and a family friend of taehyung’s, fixes you with a reassuring smile.

the stethoscope and white robe gives off a more professional vibe than the sophisticated air you see him wear at family dinners.

“that’s a relief - it’s nothing life-threatening,” the smile you return doesn’t seem to sit right with him as his eyebrows knit together and a cloud seem to loom over his face.

“it’s really not in my place but,” he pauses, probably weighing out the pros and cons of offending you with what he’s about to say - but he doesn’t need to worry too much because after today, you probably won’t be seeing each other at dinners any time soon, “me and jeongyeon,” he means his wife and taehyung’s childhood friend, “are here for you if you need to talk - i know mrs. kim can be a little unreasonable at times, but give her some time. don’t give up on her.”

you nod once, murmuring a hollow ‘thanks for that, seokjin’ before watching the man strut down the hallway, the sound of his footsteps accompanying his leave. only when you’re left with the sound of your breathing, do you finally allow chairman kim’s words to sink into the deepest depth of your heart.

it’s not an easy task to keep your heart still and unbothered by your own mother in law’s words. even now, you can still hear her embellishing her headache, back ache, joint pains and every sort of non-fatal pains she has enough to get taehyung to stay by her bedside - so he doesn’t go home. doesn’t go back to the place where you two have built for yourselves.

and yet you can’t help but agree that - “if you’d divorced her just like i told you, i wouldn’t have fallen so ill!” she sighs, just as you’re about to slide the door open.

all of a sudden, the image of the delicate woman swaying and tumbling towards the ground flashes at the back of your head and you instantly recoil, as if the door was made from fire.

the fear of worsening mrs. kim’s health at the sight of you has you backing away, choosing to wait at the seat in the hallway instead. seconds stretch into minutes and minutes into hours until you feel your body being shaken.

your eyes which you never noticed fluttered close - snap open only to gaze at the face of an angel - a concerned one at that judging from the way his eyebrows knit together. and then you’re hearing the smooth baritone of his voice. you almost pulled out your phone from your purse to ask if you could have it recorded so you could listen to it as a lullaby.

that is, until you realize the angel’s disheveled wavy hair and eyes that look like they’re well on their way to falling asleep standing.

“taehyung,” the name slips out of your mouth with a surprised gasp as you note the pristine pastel background of the vip section, body jolting to sit up from your previously slumping position.

“have you been waiting all this time?” he takes a seat next to you - and only then do you notice the unkempt mess that he is.

the first few buttons of his shirt is undone whilst it hangs over his shoulders, untucked, tie hanging loose over his chest as he drapes his blazer over his arm. the sight is almost alien, especially coming from someone who can’t even stand a crease in his shirt.

“what time is it?” you wonder, reaching for your phone while he checks the rolex on his wrist - which proves to be faster than rummaging through your bag.

“seven-thirty - you’ve been waiting here for more than five hours,” and just your luck, right as the words hit the air, your stomach decides to remind you of the meal you’re about to miss if you stay here any longer.

the heat rushing to your cheeks a second later is immeasurably hot, “o-oh, okay.”

clearing your throat, you ask, “so how was mother? seokjin already told me but i wanted to hear it from you that she’s okay.”

“you know how mom is - keeps saying her head hurts from the fall even though mr. ji managed to catch her halfway,” in any other circumstances, you and him would have found humor in how your mother in law’s overembellished diagnosis to gain attention from you and taehyung - but this time, it’s only one of you she wants that from.

it doesn’t stop you from chuckling though, “it sounds just like her - maybe i should make some ginseng chicken soup to help her get better... or beef seaweed, you know, her...”

swallowing the lump in your throat is a feat - and unfortunately, you’ve failed terribly as taehyung gather you his arms.

only then, do you realize you’re sobbing like a child, emotions running wild as everything comes crashing in like a storm - his mother, your family, the whole fucking tabloids that’s being written and ready to be posted in the next few hours and the fact that the marriage may have been a fraud, but the bonds you made along the way had been more than just business. mrs. kim was a mother to you as much as yours is to taehyung. there may have not been any love between you two but you cherish his family like he cherishes yours.

“i’m sorry - for causing a- a scene - for causing mother to f-faint-” you weep and weep.

in your crying fit, you barely notice the way his arms tighten just the tiniest bit as he sways you left to right gently, one hand on the back of your head caressing your hair as he whispers something along the lines of “it’s not your fault” and “we’ll figure it out together.”

and so for the nth time in your one year of marriage, you’re banding together to capture mrs. kim’s heart again. the first time you visited her with taehyung, she narrowed her eyes at you and demanded taehyung explain as to why he didn’t come alone through the very same eyes next second.

when the man pretended not to notice and even placed a hand on your lower back just as your steps faltered in a ‘i’m with you’ kind of way, she opted to stare out the window while you unpack the broth you made onto the table. the portion you poured into the bowl you brought was getting colder by the minute as you spoke to her, “mother, i made beef seaweed soup, it’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

the only indication that she was listening was the way her eyes scanned the bowl of broth in front of her and proceeded to keep them on the window until you had to leave.

and so goes your second and third visits being received with shoulders made of ice a kind of silence that never fails to make your stomach churn with a sort of nervousness you should have felt when you meet your future husband’s parents for the first time. but the first time you met mrs. kim, your chest was filled with nothing short confidence and woo her you did along with taehyung’s relatives and closed friends. at the time, you didn’t think what you were doing - fooling everyone into believing that you’re marrying each other for love - would come biting you in the ass.

if karma existed then this probably you getting what you deserved.

on your fouth visit, you’d come alone because taehyung had an urgent meeting to attend. mrs. kim spared you a once over just like a rabbit who voluntarily and follishly hopped into the lion’s den.

“mother,” you offer her a smile, “how are you feeling?”

when silence is the only response you get, you quickly rummage through the paper bag you’d brought with you, “have you eaten? i made chicken soup-”

“don’t bother,” her voice cuts through the air like a blade. eyes as piercing as spears, “sit down, i know taehyung has an urgent meeting - it’s the only way to get him off my back.”

you’re not quite sure what she means but you have an inkling that the reason her hostility has yet to reach its pique is because taehyung has been giving her subtle looks to ‘mom, be nice to my wife’.

with a nod and a smile that seems to be glued to your face, you ask, “how was the bibimbap yesterday?”

though she didn’t cut you off, her response doesn’t exactly shed hope to your efforts being paid off when she dismissively says, “i gave it to mr. ji.”

the immediate ‘oh’ that tumbles out of your mouth is purely reflexive even though you know she’s never touched the meals you packed for her. but having her admit it is a different kind of heartbreak.

“i see,” is all you can say as you feel tears prick your waterline, a lump in your throat.

“this,” she places a folder of documents she seems to have ready by her bedside into your hands and without any explanation, sends you off with, “if you have any conscience at all, you’d sign these papers and stay out of our lives.  even though i never read the contract but i’m sure a smart woman such as yourself would’ve thought to include the alimony as well - you understand what i’m saying right?”

you tried to say something - anything but at that point, the look in her eye already paints a picture of you clinging onto taehyung’s wealth. and yet you still tried, “m-mother, i-...”

but no words come out and as though her point had been proven, she’d huffed out a sigh and tuned you out like she always did on your previous visits.

so you walked down the hallway with shades covering your tear stained eyes and a skip to your step that oh-so-badly wishes to break into an unceremonious run to a place where nobody knows you. where nobody looks at you with rounded eyes for the briefest moment that easily translates to mrs. kim ___, wife of kadore’s chairman who married her husband for money.

but all you can afford to do is keep your head up until you reached the bathroom door, check each stall one by one to make sure no one’s inside before you finally set down the document and your handbag on the sink. the first sob hits the air as soon as you see the woman in the reflection’s reddening eyes and smudged makeup.

it takes you several breath-holding, eyes-shutting and a couple more sobs breaking through the cracks of your walls before you can finally pat some powder onto the patch of skin under your eyes and on your cheeks where most of the damage was done. by the time you’re back in the hallway with shades darker than the night sky, you find your feet melting and becoming one with the floor at the sight of a man with jet black hair standing at the reception.

and almost as though sensing the heat of your gaze through your ray bans, the man turns around to reveal a pair of doe brown eyes and the smile you’re so used to seeing now missing in action and replaced with a straight line.

“jungkook...”

“how’d you know i’d be here?” you start once you’ve both placed an order for your drinks at the counter.

“how long are you going to keep doing this?” instead of answering your question with a real answer, jungkook heaves out a sigh, eyebrows knitting together in vexation as he fixes you with one of those ‘i’m not telling mom and dad but this is our problem now’ kind of look.

“how ever long it takes,” is all you say, reverting your gaze to the smooth surface of the table.

“are those the divorce papers?” you refuse to look at him but you know he’s burning holes inside the beige colored folder sitting underneath your handbag on the seat between you and him.

“i don’t know,” you shrug, shoulders squared as you meet his eyes through your shades, “i haven’t opened it yet.”

but jungkook being jungkook, he takes that as a bare affirmation, choosing to interrogate you on a different topic, “have you seen what people have been saying about you?"

“i don’t really care about what people say,” is all you have to offer.

“you haven’t,” he nods in conclusion, “they’re saying you can’t have enough of your husband’s money... they’re saying you’re coming here everyday to grovel over his mother’s feet to let you stay married - that’s how i know you’d be here. and judging from the looks of it, they’re not too far off.”

it takes you a good solid minute to stomach the new found information. you haven’t been checking social media because of those same exact malicious comments but that was just the beginning of a downward spiral of your reputation - you never thought your efforts and hard work of burning your fingers on hot stoves and redoing dishes to get a perfect one would be met with an assumption of groveling over mrs. kim’s feet all for your husband’s money.

“god, i need a smoke,” jungkook huffs, receiving a look from the waiter that’s setting your drinks down. only after she’s gone does he present you with another set of questions. “was he the one that paid off dad’s debts? all of them? even the loan sharks?”

“that...” you nod once, failing to keep your head high as you twirl the straw of your frappe around but don’t even take a sip, “and the money i said i had saved up and lent you to start your company,” you quickly add,“- but taehyung doesn’t care about that - he wouldn’t accept it even if you wanted to pay him back twice the amount.”

“then why are you...” it’s the way his voice breaks at the end that makes you look up only to see a man whose eyes are a little sunken and cheeks a little hollow - almost as if he hasn’t been sleeping nor eating well because of his foolish sister, “why are you letting that woman trample all over you like this? wouldn’t it be easier to just get a divorce-”

“that woman is my mother in law, jungkook. at least, practice the same level of respect you’ve been preaching about,” you speak over him - it’s funny how taehyung once stood up against the same woman you’re standing up for, for you.

when all that follows is silence, you go on. this time, in a much demurred tone, “and it’s not about letting myself get trampled over... if mom found out you lied about something and she’s acting like mother does because she’s hurt, would you just go on with your life like nothing happened?”

it takes a moment for him to register what you said before taking on a much less hostile tone though still just as firm, “___, this is your life... i don’t know what kind of ‘happy family’ delusion you’ve been living in but i’m willing to bet all my money that it’s not taehyung that gave you those papers to sign and made you cry in the bathroom stall for thirty minutes-” he throws you look, “yeah, i saw you go into the washroom after coming out of her room. i was gonna call you but you looked like you had to take a huge dump so i waited but we know that’s not the case now.”

silence lapses between you for the umpteenth time before you stubbornly announce, “i could’ve been taking a dump - you don’t know.”

the sight of jungkook’s jaw dropping and hitting the ground is laughable, if not for the fact that he’s shaking his head five seconds later. vexed. irritated, “this is getting ridiculous - we’re going home. now.”

and he doesn’t mean the penthouse that you and taehyung shares.

shooting up, his hand grasps your wrist and he would have dragged you all the way to the car if you hadn’t protested.

“jungkook, no - i’m not going anywhere,” pulling your hand back, you stand a good one head shorter in front of your brother which doesn’t do much for your cause.

“___, if not for you then do it for mom and dad - they’re getting too old to be worrying about their one and only daughter’s marriage prospect,” he tries to coax, knowing full well your heart would wither like a flower at the mention of your parents worrisome nature - especially when your business is out in the open no matter how hard you try to hide it, “and you haven’t been answering their calls either.”

“i know, i just-” before you can even finish your sentence, a flash of garnet and bridal pink catches your eyes.

“____... jungkook, i didn’t think you’d be in korea. how are you?” taehyung’s warm baritone is laced with confusion as he stares at your brother and then at you for a sort of explanation but before you can even open your mouth, jungkook’s already has his hand wrapped tightly around your wrist, “yeah, well someone’s gotta clean up the mess you started. ___’s coming back home with me - back to her real home.”

“i’m not - stop saying that and let me go,” you tug on your wrist only to wince at the pressure of his grasp, “jungkook, you’re hurting me!”

“hey, let my wife go,” taehyung takes a peaceful step forward, “we can talk ab-”

“oh no,” the laugh tumbling out of jungkook’s mouth drips with malice, “no, see, you lost your knight in shining armor privilege after you quite literally lied to our faces about how you’ll take care of my sister until ‘death do you apart’ when all it took was mommy dearest pretending to get sick while everyone labels my sister a gold-digging wh-”

you taking a step forward with a balled fist, is completely instinctive and you would say taehyung prancing towards the dark haired man with a fist that actually hits the mark, was also instinct-driven. except that he probably has better aim and his punches hurt more than yours ever would.

the first one, you admit was satisfying but when your brother ends up on the ground with your husband throwing blow after blow, you have no choice but to intervene.

“taehyung, stop!” the shriek that echoes against the walls almost burst your eardrums. you would have believed it to be mrs. kim if not for the fact that she’s nowhere in sight and you’re the one with your hands grasping onto your husband’s arms, trying to hold him back from sending blow after blow onto your brother’s half-conscious face.

“taehyung, don’t stop,” you frown, taking a seat next to him while swiping the ice bag off his lap before gently pressing it to his darkened jawline, “seokjin said to keep the ice on the bruise for at least an hour.”

“ahhh - ow - ow-!” the man whines, eyes screwed shut as his grits his teeth together but doesn’t recoil from your touch.

“maybe you should’ve thought twice about throwing a punch at a trained boxer,” you shake your head, lips curling into an inevitable smile.

after taehyung’s had a round of punches in, jungkook managed to flip them over so that he’s the one pinning the elder man down. the events that unfolded after that were the least bit pretty. the nurses and doctors attending nearby patients rushed to the two struggling men and then there’s you, shifting the shouting to your brother to “god damn it, jungkook! stop being a dick!”

it took five men - doctors and just-arrived guards alike - to pry your brother off your husband who still tried to get a punch in and was held back by seokjin who finally arrived at the scenes with half a mind to knock the both of them out as he calmly orders for jungkook to be dragged into one of those empty rooms akin to the one mrs. kim is staying at.

because taehyung was the one who started the fight, seokjin decided that an ice pack would do for the taller man whilst he treats jungkook and orders the other doctors to go back to their post.

picking up the mixture of garnet and bridal pink roses, he stares at their wilted petals for the longest moment, face painted with dejection. they must have been specifically ordered for mrs. kim-

“these are for you,” your train of thoughts halts in its track at taehyung’s words. his hand levitating midair as though unsure of whether to hand the bouquet to you or toss them away, “or were,” then he captures your gaze and you don’t think you can ever find your way out of the maze he’s able to hold you captive in with just his eyes, “you deserve fresh flowers specifically plucked from its stalk - you deserve a whole garden, actually-”

“taehyung,” your free hand covers his as if to say, “they’re lovely, thank you.” placing the ice pack down, you cup both hands around the flowers, bringing them to your nose, “and they smell wonderful - i love pink roses.”

“i know,” the tiniest smile peeks from his lips, “you told me that.”

“i did?” you blink, surprised.

“at our wedding reception, you got a little tipsy and started sobbing because the roses were blush pink and not bridal pink,” the sound of his chuckles drums in your ears like hymns just like it did a year ago.

back when you were decked in an elegant off shoulder white gown after changing out of your wedding dress. you’d stood in the sidelines while your families and friends danced to their hearts’ content to the sound of the music. white champagne in your hand, the background beginning to turn fuzzy and your thoughts began to get louder.

it didn’t help that the object of your frustrations was smack dab covering every inch of the vicinity from the gargantuan rose covered backdrop, to the tiny vases in every single table.

the sob hits the air like the first raindrop. you had to clasp your hand to your mouth as if you were about to cough to hide your mouth stretching into your crying mouth - you don’t know how to explain it but your lips tend to morph into an unshapely sight whenever you cry and covering it when you feel the waterworks coming has always been second nature. as for the tears - they were concealable because the lights were dim enough.

but then there was someone next to you - he just popped up out of nowhere really and because you were standing in the darkest corner, you couldn’t pick out any defining features besides his height but you didn’t have much time to ponder on that as his question fills your eardrums, “so, how does saying goodbye to the bachelorette life feels like?”

“it’s terrible,” you’d wept some more and he shifted on his feet slightly, as though noticing the tear in your voice but luckily for him, he didn’t even have to ask because you were spilling your innermost thoughts out loud, “they- they gave me blush pink and garnet roses- i want bridal pink and garnet roses.”

“oh,” distinctively rang in your ears among the sound of instruments and joyful laughter.

then comes another input, “i didn’t know they messed up your request,” and you didn’t know why he’d sounded like he was about to murder someone.

“yeah and,” you sniffle, “- and i didn’t wanna say anything because- because i don’t wanna be that bratty bride who picks on every little detail.”

that morning, you woke up to a box full of roses and they were the lightest shade of pink. taehyung was already awake and offered to ring up breakfast for the both of you after he’d bid you a good morning and a “something came in for you.”

the gifts were prearranged to be sent to the penthouse instead of your suite but then again, there were chocolates and champagne bottles that made past the hotel doors because of its edible nature - the roses too... their fleeting livelihood seemed like you’d enjoy them better in your hotel room than a week later after you’d come back from your honeymoon.

the card didn’t even leave initials but had ‘roses for a rose’ playfully written in cursive black ink. your heart blooms a garden but your head is what makes you search for your newly wed husband, only to see him looking at you with a tender smile - one that you thought manifested because of your own involuntary smile when you’d read the note.

“i don’t think these are for us,” you could feel the frown setting into your features, causing taehyung’s own brows to furrow.

“i think these are for... me,” and so you told a tale of a woman with ambitions rather than stars in her eyes, who felt a compulsion to at least tell the truth to her husband and the stranger whom she met at her wedding. of course, omitting the teary eyed part and the blush and bridal pink roses part.

taehyung had easily chuckled while the staff set down plates of delicacies on the round meant-for-two-people-on-a-honeymoon table, saying, “he has fine taste - they’re from halls & tara,” after the staff left.

it didn’t occur to you that the h&t initials on the top right corner of the card stood for the most well known florist in seoul until he’d pointed it out, which could only mean he’d been suspicious enough to take longer than a glance at the flowers.

“do you mind if i keep them? at least, until they’re not as fresh anymore.” you quickly added the last part.

“you can keep them in a vase and have them live longer... why? are they not the shade of pink you wanted?” he blinked once, hand halting midair as he was about to take a mouthful of pancakes.

“well- no, they’re perfect actually - i love them,” you almost stutter in your haste to explain while trying to be casual about how devastated you would be if- “it’s just that... i really didn’t know him or who he was- but he obviously knew me because it’s hard not to know the lady of the day- i’m not breaching any terms-”

it’s the way the trickles of laughter filling the otherwise silent room that got you to clamp your mouth shut. the way kim taehyung looked so ethereal and majestic in the pristine black and white setting of the room.

“i don’t mind,” he’d clarified a moment later, eyes twinkling with the remnants of laughter, “i understand why he’d want to desperately send you these if only to see you smile softly like you did - you look beautiful when you smile, by the way.”

the compliment had caught you off guard and your heart might or might not have somersaulted but if there’s anything seven years of becoming a stewardess has taught you, it was to always prepare an adequate response to every situation - and at that time, kim taehyung was infamous for his quick wits and reputation with the ladies. of course, words sweet as honey would come easy for him.

“thank you,” and so were the words of gratitude on your part as you schooled a smile and dug into the pancakes your husband made.

but sitting on the black leather couch, holding onto a similar colored bouquet, you can’t help but blurt out, “that was you? i was bawling my eyes out because of some mismanagement to my husband who didn’t even recognize?” something between a disbelieving scoff and an irony-induced laugh escapes your mouth, “why didn’t you tell me?”

taehyung’s shoulder line shakes as he shrugs, hand going up to scratch the back of his head as he drops his gaze, as if searching for the answer only to look back up into your eyes with a, “i didn’t think you’d be as happy if you knew it was me,” his gaze falters, like a bud of fear blooming behind his irises,

“why wouldn’t i be?” you blink once, not quite understanding where he’s coming from.

that is, until a small smile slips onto his lips and it’s heartbreaking to witness and even more devastating to know you’re in no place to let your arms gather him into a hug like you wish. to kiss his forehead until his worries disappear.

he twines his fingers with yours, thumbing the diamond on your fourth finger, “i’m sorry that i took away your choice to marry for love - that’s a bit corny isn’t it?” he scrunches his nose and you can’t help but giggle, “it’s not just some short term contract since we both agreed divorce is never in the equation,” neither of you believe in tainting the sanctity of marriage - no matter what cause it was founded upon - with separation, “but god, the things you’re going through right now - i promise i’ll make things right.”

taehyung’s eyes tend to appear in different shades along with his emotions - though you know it’s most probably the lighting. dark brown is for when he’s scrutinizing the hollow smiles and empty compliments he gets at functions. but sometimes you find yourself catching hazel.

like right now, as they capture yours and look at you as if you’re the only one he sees.

“taehyung...” you thought you knew what you wanted to say when you said his name but as you get lost in the midnight dessert of his eyes, you’re not sure if you can even muster so much as a squeak without falling apart.

and that’s when a knock reverberates into the air like thunder, forcing you to jolt away from the man until no part of you is touching any part of him.

“hey,” a somber voice greets as jungkook leans against the doorframe, “so they fixed me up and the chairman wants me gone in,” he looks down at his wrist, “two minutes and fifty-three seconds.”

blinking away the remnants of the emotions away, you stand up, giving the man a once over. his button up is marred with a trickle of deep red a few inches over his chest, hair matted and face sporting different stages of bruising. the bleeding’s stopped for the most part.

“you’ve definitely seen better days,” you announce, walking around the couch to get to where the man is rolling his eyes at.

“sorry for calling you the w-word,” that’s definitely wasn’t what you were expecting which prompts the belated, almost suspicion induced,“...okay.”

“i did that because i needed to confirm something,” he goes on, eyes flitting over your shoulder where you know your husband is staring right back, burning holes inside your brother’s head before he looks back at you, taking a full 180 in attiude, “and don’t worry about mom and dad - i’ll take care of them.”

it takes you a moment to digest his proclamation, all the whilst hyperly aware of the hand that makes its way on your lower back as a familiar dior scent fills your senses, “so you’re not gonna drag me home?” as though disbelieving the words that came out of your mouth, you add, “that’s all it takes? a few punches to the face?”

the twitch of his eyebrow doesn’t go unnoticed by you. nor does the deep breath he forces himself to take at the blatant insult and insinuation of your future boxing lessons to which he warns, “don’t get any crazy ideas,” then he turns to the man next to you, “i let you hit me - let’s get that out of the way first.”

and before either you or taehyung manage to get a word in, jungkook hand comes flying to your forehead, a loud sound of skin smacking against skin echoing throughout the room as you tumble backwards with an audible “ow- hey!”, barely noticing the much larger hand that’s covering yours. inspecting the patch of skin where jungkook just flicked.

without even an apology for the uncalled for assault, he nods at something over your head, probably taehyung, “you take care of my sister, you hear me? cause there won’t be a second time.”

and then he’s gone like the wind - you would have tracked down that wind and give him a taste of his own medicine like you did when you were children. you’d jump on his back and attempt to bite a chunk of his head if your nannies didn’t pull you apart  - but right now, you couldn’t escape taehyung’s hand on your waist even if you wanted to.

“let me see,” he instructs, gently coaxing your hand to unclasp the patch of skin on your forehead so he could softly blow on it.

you stay like that, standing at the doorway with your bodies too close and taehyung refusing to unhand you until your cheeks are replaced with a different kind of heat than the anger you felt for your god forsaken brother.

“god he’s an ass - you should’ve messed up his face more,” you huff, and you don’t know why - maybe it’s the way you stomp your foot, maybe it’s the way your cheeks tend to puff when you’re feeling vindictive or maybe it’s a mystery locked in taehyung’s head that you’ll never know but his chuckles sound like hymns in your ears.

and you thought that was the end of the electrified sensation on your skin where his touch lingers until you feel a pair of the softest lips on your forehead, right where the flick was supposed to throb. a grinning taehyung looking back at you as if asking, “my nanny used to do this to me when i bump my knee against a furniture...” a flash of worry blooms in his eyes for the briefest moment before he voices his concerns, “hope the magic still works.

the sight is heartwarming. endearing even. and you can’t help smile, cheeks hot, “it does - it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

and just as you thought he’s about to release you from the torment of having your heart skip multiple beats at a time and step back, he presses another peck on your forehead. a smile gracing his features, “another one for good measure.”

it’s a surprise your legs are still holding you up with how jelly-like they’ve become.

“th-thank you.”

mrs. kim discharged herself a week after the fight but not without standing in front of the hospital with her frilly fur coat and gucci handbag while she looks at the camera and consequently straight into the screen, “i have yet received a publicly apology for what jeon jungkook did to mine by the jeons. my taehyung couldn’t even kill a fly, let alone start a fist fight-” she shivers uncontrollably as though overcome with chills, “such a barbaric, uncivilized act can only come from-”

“you’re watching that?” a smooth baritone fills the room as a figure struts in beige slacks and oversized creme sweater, “again?”

he sits on the edge the backrest of the couch, looking down at you with an expression that makes your stomach churn. with butterflies or guilt for breaking your promise to stop checking out these articles, you don’t know.

“sorry,” you mumble, placing the ipad down a few inches from your feet as you bring your legs up against your chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, “worrying about how the press twists mother’s words comes from the plentiful of time i have on my hands after being sacked, i guess.”

it’s been a week since you’ve received your new schedule. to which you received a call right after to head to the headquarters in the heart of seoul only to be told that-

“___, you gotta understand, this whole fiasco going on with your family... it’s giving the airline a bad rep,” mr. bang leaned back against his recliner, his eyes hiding behind the beam of his glasses, “people are leaving bad reviews on the website that has absolutely nothing to do with our services but has everything to do with you and your husband.”

he meant the growing dissatisfaction upon the revelation of the artificiality of you and taehyung’s marriage.

nobody’s caught jungkook and taehyung in a video but there’d been witnesses and ‘sources’ affirming the two getting into a fistfight at the hospital. and so another record has been made in your long list of family drama.

“sir, please,” you could feel your eyebrows joining together from the sheer frustration and reality anchoring into the pit of your stomach, “i’ve been working for korean air -for seven years now- check my reconds,” hope blooms in your chest as you suggest the idea to your superior, “i’ve never been late, never had a customer complain about me, never made any mistakes prior to this-”

“it doesn’t matter what you did before this, ___,” he cut you off, voice heavy with emphasis.

but you weren’t backing out that easy, “please, it’s not fair to lay me off for something i have zero control in.”

at your wording, the man physically flinched, almost as though struck by a spear before he shook his head, denying your claims.

“you’re not fired,” he corrected, “you’re on paid leave... until everything calms down.”

it took everything in you not to let the frown slip onto your face. first it’s paid leave and then it a one month notice before they officially sack you - you’ve seen how this played out one too many times.

so you smiled, “with all due respect, mr. bang, how long is ‘until everything calms down’?”

the man’s shoulder line jolted as he shrugged, lower lip jutted out in a nonchalant nature, “that depends on how you choose to solve it, ___... i assume you are working on a solution, yes?”

it was a trick question. if you answered the affirmative, it’d be admitting what mrs. kim and almost everyone have been demanding - a divorce. if you answered no, then you’re as good as jobless.

“my husband and i are working on it,”  was all you say.

when taehyung found out later that night - he was livid. he was a phone call away from calling up mr. ji to sue the airline for discrimination. it took you stealing his phone away and running around the penthouse until you made him promise that he’d listen to you first.

he did, and you’d wanted to wait it out and see because, “there isn’t any damage to build our ground on anyway because i’m not fired yet.”

“well, dinner’s ready ” taehyung’s soft as silk voice tears you apart from your memroies, hand levitating midair until you take it, hoisting yourself up.

taehyung pushes himself off the couch, walking on the other side with your hand in his. it’s comical but endearing all at once and you giggle at how neither of you are willing to let the other go even though you’ll have to once you reach the four-people dining table.

“thank you,” you say as you lower yourself on the seat while he pushes the chair in for you.

home cooked meals have become a norm for the both of you ever since that day taehyung punched jungkook in the face. at first, you insisted that you should be the one cooking since he was injured but he stayed with you in the kitchen and you talked about your day and reminisced about your childhood and how you similarly had nannies that forbade you from coming into the kitchen.

then there was the peck on the top of your forehead he started doing a few days ago after you were sat and before he went around the table to get to his seat that’s across from you.

“did you go shopping today?” he asks in between cutting up the steak which he stole a whole plate from you into mini slices.

“yeah, with hwasa,” you nod - the woman had been all too delighted to see you after mismatched schedules and ghostly texts because of life and work getting in the way.

“the friend from high school?” taehyung surprises you yet again as he places your plate back in front of you, this time with the pieces all cut into edible bites. you’ve never mentioned hwasa to him - but it’s not a lie that she’s your closest friend from high school who got accepted into the same training programme as you at the beginning of your career.

“thank you-” you shoot him a smile before picking up the fork and knife, “and yeah, that’s her. we haven’t seen each other for months so we kind of went a little crazy with the dresses.”

he doesn’t look up when he speaks his next words which is why you have a trouble digesting them as you involuntarily blurt out a, “sorry- what?”

“the dresses you bought,” he reiterates, an amused smile on his lips - possibly because of your almost-choked state, “- can i see them?”

“oh,” clear your throat once, sipping down the red wine before chuckling nervously, “hwasa bought dresses - didn’t.”

taehyung hums, head tilting to the side as though trying to capture your avoidant gaze, “then put on whatever you bought that i saw lying on your bed - the door was open when i passed your room.”

at that moment, to say your heart quite literally crash against the floor, would be an understatement. it takes you a minute to gather yourself, another to force out a laugh as you attempt to brush the thought of taehyung seeing the black and red laces from savage x fenty hwasa adamantly insited you get after a story time on why you decided to get married to how something has definitely shifted between you and taehyung.

but no amount of gushing and squealing about made up scenarios brewing from hwasa’s little head could prepare you for what’s happening right at this moment.

“oh those?” a chuckle, “those are aren’t even worth showing.”

and just as you thought he’ll let the matter go like he would when you dismissively mention something that he inquired about, taehyung takes a full 180, eyes clouded with a sort of emotion you don’t dare delve into, “that’s for me to decide,” he takes a sip of the wine, pushing his chair back as he stands up, “i’m done,” with that, he places his plate down where geom, your mixed breen papillion and silky terrier shouts out an appreciative woof at the pleasant surprise.

patting the canine briefly, he turns to you, those clouded eyes seeping into your soul, “put them on - i’ll be waiting in my room.”

his footsteps echo against the walls as he ascends the stairs and disappears into the hallway where his room lies across from yours. it is a whole solid minute later, once you hear the door of his room click shut, that you make a beeline for the couch where your phone lies lonely.

dialing up the only person you know you can hold accountable for, you quite literally scream at the ‘hell-’ with a “hwasa, he wants me to put the lingerie on and show him!”

while your voice drips with dread, the other woman, choosing to be willfully oblivious, screams into your ears, “oh my god - oh my god. then what are you doing calling me?! go put them on!”

and that’s how you end up holding in a breath while deliberately repeating hwasa’s not so helpful pep talk of ‘you’re the hottest’ and ‘kim taehyung will be wrapped around your fingers by the end of the night!’

“but it’s been over a year - i’m not sure if i even know how to moan!” you’d protested while pull the strap of the garter around your thigh.

that was half an hour ago.

now, you’re debating on whether to knock like you would have before you started cuddling into the other while watching tv. but before that, you’d never did anything together unless it was family dinners and gatherings.

so you opt for pushing down the handle. the sharp ‘click’ being the only announcement of your entrance. taehyung’s walls are a deep shade of maroon almost black with the lights on its lowest setting. the sound of music playing in the background barely registers in your mind as you focus your attention to the figure that’s pushing himself up from his laying down position.

you resist the temptation to run and hide under the comfort your covers - an opposed response compared to your confident stride, placing one foot after the other until you stand a good two feet away from the bed and taehyung.

“what do you think?” the smile brandished over your face is nothing like your racing heart whlist you do a little twirl- but then again, you’ve always been such an actress.

“if the world were made of diamonds, i’d choose the rose before me... because you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever laid eyes on,” you wonder how he doesn’t even blink as those words pour out of his mouth, hand finding its way in the dip of your waist. staring. admiring.

“always the charmer,” you want to curse yourself for the unoriginal come back yet taehyung doesn’t seem to notice as he lets you push him to the bed whilst his eyes undress what little piece of clothing you have on as you crawl on top of him.

your toes curl at the sound of taehyung’s excruciatingly slow exhalation - almost as though he intends for it to caress your ears and seep into your pores before settling into the pit of your core.

the sharp charm of dior fills your senses as you place kisses on his neck, tucking his flesh between your teeth ever so gently, not expecting the delectable surprise that slips out of his mouth.

who would have thought kim taehyung was a moaner?

the giggle that trickles out of your mouth is blamelessly involuntary but catches his attention nonetheless, “what?”

“oh, nothing,” you nibble on his earlobe before whispering into his ears, “just thinking of how cute you’ll look moaning for me.”

and you’ve easily add to the long list of things you won’t forgive yourself in the morning. yet you still caress his growing size through his pants, giggling when the delicious sound hits the air for the second time.

“take it out,” he whimpers after one too many teases, “please.”

“only because you said please,” the way his chin tilts to follow your lips after you pecked them doesn’t go unnoticed by you but you clasp your hand against his chest, pinning him down with a shake of your head “uh-uh, you get up when i tell you to.”

the excruciating ‘fuck’ that leaves his lips is what truly lights up the flame in the pit of your stomach. you watch as his hand goes up to run through his hair in a sexually frustrated nature but doesn’t attempt to push himself up after that.

it only takes a few pumps for the clear fluid of precum to trickle over your hand, letting you smear all over his hardened dick and causing it to glisten underneath the luminescence of the room.

sparks shoot through your core and strike your heart into an erratic rhythm when you lower yourself over him, holding the slit of the black lace undergarment apart until he’s hitting every delicious inch inside of you.

you’ve barely even started to move when you break out into a cry, falling into his arms like a puppet whose strings got cut off. the arms around you are gentle as they hold you against him until you’ve come down from your high.

by the time you push yourself up, your knees are still trembling yet you nod when he cups your cheeks and forces you to look into those concern filled eyes, “are you good?”

“i’m fine,” the sniffle is probably the last thing you need to convince him, “i lost myself for a moment.”

this time, it’s his turn to chuckle, lips curling into a smirk, “it’s completely understandable to admit that you couldn’t hold out for more than a minute because i stretched you out so good.”

you want to protest - want to gain back the control you lost when he hit that sweet spot not even, yes, as he says, a minute into taking him in. but one single thrust right against that same exact spot and you’re whimpering in utter submission and devotion.

“that’s what i thought,” that damned smirk is the last thing you see before you succumb to his every wishes and command until you find yourself with a strong arm banded over your stomach, another arm reaching for a pillow and puffing it up before you feel yourself being gently lowered face flushed into it - the smallest gesture of tenderness that you didn’t expect to witness when you decided to tease him in the beginning.

the yelp when taehyung’s hands slip under the strap of the garter, doesn’t even manage to form fully when a moan replaces it as he yanks the garter and consequently, your ass against him, forcing you to swallow his entire length in one stroke.

“god, you’re so big,” if you were a little sober and a whole lot more conscious, you would have added that into the list of things you said that you would cringe at in the morning.

but you’re already one orgasm down in the foreseeable long list of orgasms that kim taehyung promises you as he sinks into you, moaning out your name like a holy mantra.

“i know you love it,” he agrees oh so innocently for someone who’s about to thrust into you like a godless being.

five strokes in and you’re cursing and screaming out in pleasure, hands gripping onto the duvet for dear life as you feel you convulse into a state of toe-curling euphoria. the way taehyung stops moving and trails down butterfly kisses down your back until the tensed muscles in your lower abdomen simmers down into pleasured twitches, doesn’t go by you.

“you can move now,” another sniffle, but this one has completely and irrevocably succumbed to your rawest desires.

it’s the soft chuckle and the one last peck on your left shoulder blade that has your heart stuttering. ungodly opposite to the way he moves his hips as he thrusts into you without so much as a warning - your last two orgasms were just preambles. ones out of the many that night that has you writhing and moaning in pleasure. some of which were incited by sides of you, you didn’t know existed.

the last thing you recall is taehyung gathering you in his arms like he couldn’t bear to be apart from you even in his sleep now that he’s had a taste. it’s endearing and daunting all at once. because for the first time since your marriage, you’re afraid of losing him.

a few days after that, you’re tying away on your macbook when taehyung comes home looking less like the man you knew. his hair, disheveled from having run his hand through them more than his hair gel allows. his eyes, carrying a sort of weight that latches onto him like parasites - or maybe that’s just the papparazzo that you noticed have been following you around. their numbers have decreased considerably after the rumor of taehyung hiring a team of lawyers which was no rumor at all.

it was the morning after you woke up with tingly legs barely able to function like it should and muscles sore but a sort of fullness in your chest when you noticed the man whose arms are wraped around you like a protective cocoon as he faintly snored away.

then came the muted sound of your phone from the other side of the hallway where your room door beckons you into its domain. it wasn’t as obnoxiously loud since it was at least twenty feet away and you would have ignored it and gone back to bed if not for the short interval signaling the person calling had finally reached the mailbox or hung up on their own. that was, before they hit call for the second time.

slipping out of taehyung’s arms, you trudged to your room with half a mind to give whoever this caller is a piece of your mind - god’s sake, the flashy red digits on your alarm clock stares at you at 5:23 in the morning.

“this better be good, hwasa or i swear-” before you can even finish the woman is already screaming into your ear like she’s being chased by an axe murderer.

“oh my god, oh my god - have you seen the news?!” except no woman chased by a murderer would sound this exhilarated, she went on before you could even get a “no one in their right mind would be checking the news at ass crack-” out.

“oh shoot, it’s still 5 something in korea, isn’t it?” she gasped - if you weren’t on paid leave, you’d be in hong kong, probably sharing rooms and getting tipsy in some club there, “but anyway, kadore’s chairman is suing insight, pullbbang and other websites for slander!” she shrieked.

"what?” you could feel the muscles on your face pulling into a contorted confusion but

after hanging up and telling hwasa you were going to look into the matter some more, you’d come up with multiple articles stating a similar fact as your overly enthusiastic best friend did. still in denial, you’d confronted your husband about it- he was still sleeping soundly when you strutted in and shook him up to which he confessed, eyes droopy and face puffy. the sight was so foreign to you because you were used to seeing him fresh and suited up but you’d found yourself making a little space in your heart for barely-just-woken-up-taehyung to reside in.

first came anger - you didn’t ask for him to do this, “what would everyone think if i went to you crying about a little bit of criticism for something i did do?” then came confusion because what exactly did you do that was so horrendously heineous to warrant these websites to write such malicious statements about you?

taehyung had seen every flash of emotions that pooled in your eyes and tugged on your fingers - you weren’t sure if he’d meant it but it successfully pulled you from drowning in your own thoughts, “i told you i’d make things right - these people won’t be able to say another word about you unless it’s the truth- that you’re a hardworking, amazing woman who deserves everything she has and yes,” he fixed you the most tender, sleepy smile “that includes the money i make - what’s the point of working if i can’t even provide my wife with the best?”

taehyung tosses the beige tuxedo onto the handrest of the couch adjacent to where you’re sitting with one leg up in nothing but a loose fitted sweater that hangs off your left shoulder. the half empty wine glass lies untouched on the coffee table since you’d put it down.

with a thump, he sinks himself into the leather material of the couch, hands cupping his face, as though if he rubs it hard enough, the deadset frown would go away.

before you know it, you’re padding over to the couch he’s on, hands finding their ways onto his shoulders, massaging the noticeable tension in his muscles until a grateful sigh slips out of his mouth, hand guiding your own to his lips where he presses a kiss on your knuckles.

only when you go around to take the spot next to him, hand smoothing out his hair, do you finally say, “is it the board again?”

mina has been keeping you updated on the turbulence that was caused by your fraudulent marriage being exposed. the chairman seat became taehyung by default when he got married as per his father’s will. but the board members have been vocal about abrogating his rights to succeeding kadore.

“there’s talk about votes demoting me to director,” he’s never sound so fragile - in taehyung’s long list of fluctuating interest from women and men to art and sculptures and to yatches and sports cars, kadore is probably the only thing he’s ever taken seriously.

you would know - seeing him decked in armani with soft wavy hair contrasting his strong features, weren’t your only reason for accepting his proposal of marriage. it had more to do with the way he spoke about the company. in a dimly lit room just like now, with a wine glass in his hand and the cityscape underneath that gave an illusion of stilled fireflies scattered all across the city, taehyung had spoken of his unforgivable regrets. the deals he’d let pass by. the merges he’d settled with instead of aiming higher. the brands he didn’t reach out to.

those regrets birthed fears and those fears were what made him even entertain the notion of a beneficial marriage.

or as the board likes to call it, an atrociously wickedly schemed marriage.

“they won’t have a ground to depose you to a director’s position if they can’t provide a solid reason,” you say and he blinks, clueless, hopeless.

it’s almost as if you’re facing a whole different man.

“what do you mean?”

“i’m talking about us doing what we do best,” you fix him a smile - one that probably needs a little convincing and grounding but a smile nonetheless, “we show them that the kims aren’t to be messed with,” you pause, letting the silence settle into brimming suspense before finally saying, “it’s been awhile since we’ve made a public appearance together, hasn’t it? how does lunch sound like?”

and so goes your multiple appearances in the most top notch restaurant together. the lack of chauffeur wasn’t intentional but helpful nonetheless to prove that the chairman was hopeless and irrevocably mad for his wife that he’d drive all the way to wherever she was to pick her up and then drive them to the designated restaurant instead of the convenience of meeting at said restaurant from wherever you both were prior to that.

then there was the hand holding, hip grabbing and not going a minute without smiling and giggling about what the other said. to outsiders, it would have looked as if things hadn’t been all that different - except you’d finally came out of your 1 billion doller cave after the whole ‘fiasco’ with your families. but it was the little hand kisses and forehead pecks in between taehyung making mini runs to get to your side to open your car door.

and the ‘how was your day’s and which are followed by a ‘you’re still deadset on working, huh?’s each time you told him about your in-the-work resume since you’re ‘at the risk of getting a notice of resignation any time soon’.

“what if you started your own business? i could buy a whole building in nonhyeon-dong that you could make as your headquarters?” he offers in between twirling the pasta around his fork after you insisted that- “my job is the only thing that i’ve got going on for me to prove that i’m not a gold-digger that everyone thinks i am.”

“i was thinking more like travelling from place to place like...” you shoot him a ‘you know’ smile before adding, “a cabin crew.”

“one of korean air’s biggest shareholders are letting go of her stock because her color pencil business isn’t doing so well these days,” he nods, deeply contemplative, “they’re gonna be sacking a few employees if they don’t get buyers by the next two months,” he surmises with a concluding nod to which you end up laughing and almost choking on your food.

picking up the water on your right, you quickly gulp it down before clarifying as to why you found his statement so funny that you’d risk your esophagus in the process, “no, tae,” that nickname is also one of the little things that just happens - you don’t miss the tuck in the corners of his lips when it slips off your tongue, “it’s sweet of you to want to buy me a share of the airline i’m working for but that’s the thing, it’s your money,” you reach out for his hand, smiling when he meets yours halfway.

a warm pressure engulfs your hand as he squeezes briefly, “and i told you, what’s mine is yours.”

“likewise,” you fix him a grateful smile, “but i like flying. i like being a cabin crew - on top of holding onto my job to prove people wrong, of course.”

the longest pause hovers over you like a grey clouds with taehyung’s beautiful but contemplating eyes holding you captive. as though trying to take you out part by part, trying to figure you out.

“then, what would you like me to do?” the question catches you off guard, like being hit by a wild baseball even though you’re walking right next to a baseball field, “you’ve always been so good at taking care of yourself - when you broke down in front of me... at the hospital... i didn’t know what to do-” his lips quiver just the slightest bit, almost as though holding back invisible tears, “tell me what to do. because it feels like everything i do isn’t the slightest bit helpful. ”

all of a sudden, the sands of time seem to have stopped, levitating midair within the dip of the hourglass. it’s daunting but heartbreaking at the same time - the sight of raw fear and uncertainty that’s pooling within taehyung’d eyes like unmoving river - you never knew your attempts to hold up your values reflects as a declaration of nonessential to taehyung’s own attempts to reach out to you.

“i don’t need you - to fight my battles, to solve my problems for me - though i’m immensely grateful that you did,” you say after what feels like an eternity, “but i want you so... stay as you are, supporting me like you’re doing now.”

“i don’t know if that counts as support - i’m not doing anything,” he counters, eyes downcasted until you reach out your other hand to cover his that’s already holding your left hand.

“you are - you never invalidated my feelings of wanting to work, you encouraged me to do bigger things and that means you believe in me - maybe i will take up that offer in the future but right now, i want to keep doing what i always have been,” you fix him a smile, “and i want to do it with you by my side.”

the tiniest of smile that slips onto his face tells you that his heart is still in a state of unrest. unconvinced. but he’s trying as he nods, “if that’s what you want,” and you thought that’s the end of it. until the foreshadowing “but,” that comes a second later, “i’m not gonna stop worrying and trying to fix things - we’re married, your problems are my problems too.”

the chuckle escapes your mouth signifies the good natured jest of your next words as you summon your hands back, already missing the warmth of his much larger ones around you, “well we weren’t exactly on that term until just recently.”

a shadow casts itself over taehyung’s handsome face as he picks up his fork, “that’s something i’ll regret for the rest of my life - not getting to know you beyond the contract sooner.”

“everyone makes mistakes,” you shrug before taking a peek at his expression as you mention a certain free spirited woman, “besides, you were too caught up with jeongyeon on our first year of marriage.”

she had been one of the few people who’d managed to bring out a side of taehyung you never knew existed.

boyish. bratty. someone who actually bicker and whines about the littlest things and everything that was on the opposite spectrum the crisp, suit-wearing, slicked back hair, charming man you married. sometimes, when you go out to dinners or the little moments when you find yourselves alone while attending functions, you see glimpses of that playful, boyish side of him. the human side of him.

over time, you realize that that’s also part of what makes taehyung... well, taehyung. it’s just only recently that you start seeing more than glimpses of these sides behind closed doors.

the way his eyes widen is enough for you to know that you’ve hit the nail right on its head. if the incomprehensible stuttering isn’t, “that... i was... we didn’t-”

“i know,” you fix him a jesting smile, “you may be a certified charmer for the most part but you’re not a homewrecker, tae.”

lunch goes on with you talking about how your father and brother are thrilled to have you and taehyung over for your monthly dinner. to which the man was partly confused and partly shivered in his seat at the thought of sitting down at a table with two of your favorite men in the world no doubt shooting him daggers while you’re not watching - or pretend that you don’t notice.

“i can’t avoid father forever,” he laments, finally giving into his fate as you walk out the restaurant, “and i have a lot of owning up to do to your family.”

“as do i,” you hum in agreement once before murmuring a ‘thank you’ as he holds the car door open after tipping the valet.

it’s only five minutes into the ride, once the car rolls to a stop at a red light does he turn to you, “you know, you don’t have to... with mom, reconciliation is a two way thing and she...” you notice the way his grip tightens around the wheel, eyes darkening as he breathes in, grounding himself “- she even made you file for divorce.”

the papers she’d given you that day still lied in your drawer, hidden away from taehyung’s pyromaniac hands. you’d caught him almost setting them on fire when you he found it lying on the counter after he’d returned home. all because spent a good chunk of the afternoon staring at it before leaving it to take a hot bath, not realizing taehyung would be home any time soon. ever since then, he hadn’t been on speaking terms with mrs. kim. turned down offers for dinners and luncheons, as he had directly told her in front of you through a phone call, “...not until you apologize to ___ first.”

“tae, mother was hurt by our lies and i understand why, i can’t promise i’ll be as accepting if i found out the daughter-in-law i cherished so much didn’t marry my son for love like i thought they did,” you lightly pat his hand that’s on the gear but instead he captures your fingers between his and guide them to his lips as he traps you within those beautiful eyes.

“you’re too kind for your own good, you know that?” there they are again, hazel underneath the light. but clouded with a sort of emotion you can’t pinpoint.

but before you can even muster a word, his eyes are already focused on the road as the car propels itself forward. but he doesn’t let go of your hand. he keeps it twined with his between yours and the gear. almost as if he didn’t want to be apart from you if he could help it. and neither could did you as you rub tiny motions into the back of his hand.

in your defense, you’ve stolen a precious gem from her that no money or gold could ever replace. and no matter how much you cherish the bond that formed after hours spent on shopping, tea times and mother-daughter (in-law) vacations, you’re not kind enough to unwrap him from your little fingers.

a smile curls on your lips as you guide taehyung’s hand to yours, placing a kiss on his knuckles and watching as his own lips tuck at the corners.

you’ll just have to make it up to mother some other way.

x

note. if you enjoy this then please leave a comment either below or in my inbox! and check out the other members’ installments to the series filed under ‘verse’ on top!

[vavuska]

Who changed Lola Bunny?

Malcolm D. Lee explained, “This is 2021. It’s important to reflect the authenticity of strong, capable female characters. … So we reworked a lot of things, not only her look, like making sure she had an appropriate length on her shorts and was feminine without being objectified, but gave her a real voice. For us, it was, ‘Let’s ground her athletic prowess, her leadership skills, and make her as full a character as the others.'”

(See the complete interview here: X)

So, gone are her curves, thigh-high drawstring shorts and midriff-baring crop top. Instead, Lola Bunny now takes on a sportier look wearing a more standard basketball vest and leggings under her track shorts.

But, let's see more deeply what determinated this choice:

1. Being mad at a fan art is sad, people.

Before, a sad 50 yo guy starts complaing about how "cancel culture" or "politically correct" ruined his life - Really? Changing a cartoon bunny from a movie you didn't see for a decade ruined your life? Wow. Someone should really review the list of their priorities -, let's see how really Lola looked in the 1996 original Space Jam.

Here we have original Lola Bunny:

(Here you can see all Lola's scenes in Space Jam: X)

Yes, Lola walked in a sexy way that show off her curves, or at least she seemed to have curves (a little breast, tight waist, long legs, bootie), but those are not big as in the fan art you are seeing around, and Lola's curves are not evidenced during the match or when she played. Is more her attitude and posture that made her look sexy. However, althought her curves clearly changes every time she is doing something different, from action to action, there are some scenes in which she is purposely made sexy, with saxophone music as soundtrack and male-gaze sections that ends in the same way, Lola surrounded by a bunch of horny and howling cartoon guys.

That's appropriate with Jessica Rabbit: she is purposely made and designed as a parody of the femme fatale from old hard boiler movies, in which attractive, mysterious women were portrayed as evil and manipulative gals who hide criminal intentions. Jessica, with her intentionally exaggerated body, subverted the misogyny of 40s and 30s detective movies: she is kind-hearted, truly loves her naive and goofy husband Roger and uses her powers (beauty and cunning) to protect him. Her body too is used for comic sketches, while this not happens for Lola, that's just a serious and indipendent basketball player. So, the male obsession for her body is out of place, expecially because she reacted with anger at being misconsidered only for being an attractive female bunny. “Don't call me doll” is her catch phrase. So, it seems strange she didn't react at all at the very sexualized presentation at the final basketball match: Lola simply shows her basketball skills, ignoring or accepting passively the reaction of the honey crowd of wolves around her. (Please, notice the association: Lola “admirers” are wolves, predators, while Lola, their object of desire, is a rabbit, a prey)

This is the cartoon version of cat calling: they are like a group of men who sit on their porches and whistle at girls everyday when they walk in from of them. A normal girl or woman would pass over this thing, even if they are bothered, unconfortable or embarassed, because they are more scared by a possible violent reaction of this whistling horny guys at their legitimate anger objections. But here, we are talking of Lola, a strong Looney Tunes bunny, and she could smash that damn basket ball on wolves' face, breaking all their teeth. That would be very a Looney reaction. But Lola doesn't react at all at this situation. Here, on my opinion, screenplayers missed an opportunity, but probably they thought to have already did too much with Lola's personality and “girl power”.

Remember also that Lola is the only young cartoon female character we see in the whole movie. So we can't do a proper comparison with other female relevant characters' rapresentation. (See here for a deeper analysis of Lola's origin and development: X)

However, compared with Bugs, Lola looks more fit, more humanized than Bugs. Lola has clearly a definited breast and booty, but it looks like is more her posture that makes them relevant. Lola has clearly shoulders back to show the rack. Bugs is anthropomorphic but remains an animal, has no shoulders or pectorals more like a human and looks a bit over-weight (fat belly). And his posture don't keep that stomach in, chin up, and march forward.

Lola, on the other hand, has a more human structure. That's why I say she has curves. An example are Mickey and Minnie who are two beans in the same way it is not that Mickey is a bean and Minnie has small tits, they are structurally alike.

Lola's body remembers highly No-Ribs-Jasmine from Aladdin (see the gif for reference). That unrealistic Barbie-like waist that was so popular in the 90s and 80s. (See here for references: X and X)

Now, we are changed a lot from the past 24 years. Barbies didn't have that impossible, unrealistic waist-line anymore, Disney princess concept has changed (see Merida and Moana).

Lola concept is changed in 2012: her design for the new cartoons is totally different and her personality too. She wear a blue or violet dress, almost flat-chested and she was made annoying and silly, just to make a contrast with Bugs smarter. Just like Daffy Duck is dumb as hell and his new girlfriend, Tina Russo (no more dear old Melissa Duck), is way smarter than him. Tina is tough, street-smart, rebellious and feisty. But we will see this thing in the next point.

2. People on the upper floors hated Lola personality.

Lola Bunny had only few lines in Space Jam, but she definitely passed the first impression that she was draw only for make male characters fall in love. Lola was a good basketball player and show it off, in front of a skeptical and then astonish bunch of cartoon guys and also Michael Jordan. She also had a strong personality and said it clear to Bugs she didn't like being called "doll". Lola was beauty and curvy, but not a cheerleader. Lola was a basketball player. Remember this part, because we will talk about basketball in the next point.

If at the box office Space Jam was a success, at Warner Bros there were those who turn up their noses, and they are important people, from the upper floors, who accused the film with Michael Jordan of having completely distorted the philosophy of the Looney Tunes. They blamed Lola Bunny more than everything else. Producers of Warner Bros said she was too perfect for the moody group of Warner cartoons: she was too sensual, provocative and independent, totally alien to that core of crazy characters that act as an exaggeration of the vices of 'man.

And fans hated her too. Chuck Jones, creator of the Merrie Melodies said: "Lola Bunny is a character with no future, she’s a totally worthless character with no personality."

So, Lola Bunny was deleted. Lola would make only some brief apparitions in some comics edited by DC Comics, in Baby Looney Tunes, in which she was a toddler with a very similar personality and resemblance to Space Jam adult version, and also as playable character in some unsuccessful videogames.

Years passed and projects for a sequel of Space Jam never become reality, so in 2003 Warner Bros relased Looney Tunes Back in Action. But Lola wasn't here, because the movie purposely want to make a deep cut with what we saw in Space Jam, according to what said it's director Joe Dante. This movie was a totally failure, but it gave back to Looney Tunes their craziness.

Years passed again, but this time is 2011, 10th of May on Cartoon Network was relased the second episode of The Looney Tunes Show. The series aimed to strongly relaunch the Looney Tunes, long gone from the glories of the past, updating the stories of Bugs Bunny and associates in a sitcom key, with the rabbit sharing a house with Daffy Duck in a suburb of Los Angeles. All interspersed with sketches by Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner done in CGI and the updated return of the Merrie Melodies. But the big news of the second episode is that LOLA BUNNY RETURNED.

And Lola was a character with some relevance within the series, even if something didn't seem right with her. Lola looked different, she was no longer the rabbit version of the femme fatale seen in Space Jam: she was naive, talkative, with her head in the clouds, crazy to the point of becoming Bugs Bunny's stalker. Bugs after having fallen in love with her at first glance understands on the first date that he absolutely can't stand Lola. She is no longer the Lola we used to know, even if the appearance is similar and the name is the same. Lola is effectively a Looney Tunes now. And the fans like her, the public like her, Warner Bros like her.

(See Lola in The Looney Tunes Show here: X)

But this is a big walk in behind from the indipent character we used to know in Space Jam. Lola was turned into the stereotype of the crazy girlfriend for a while. And this is not a surprise, if we remember that in 2012 were popular the "overly attached girlfriend" meme template. (See here for references: X)

However, in The Looney Toons Show Lola has some very funny moments, while in Space Jam she was more serious and a little out of space among the other characters. (See here for references: X)

3. What women wear when they play basketball?

Women's National Basketball Association was only created in 1996. So, women's basketball were not considered - and still is not considered - as important as men's basketball at the time Space Jam was filmed.

In Space Jam 2 there will be WNBA players with a significant role, for example Diana Taurasi and Nneka Ogwumike.

Professional female athletes aren't that curvy because curves are determined by body fat and they have a little.

As a busty volleyball player, I can say, dear people, breats could be very annoying during sport activities: it could be a pain, when you run or jump. That's because a lot of women wear sport bra to compress and support their breast. Sports bra may also include layered cups or a high neck to keep everything in place and protect from painful hits, so women can be safe and comfortable during workouts.

Female basketball players didn't wear crop-tops and tight shorts to play. They wear exactly what Lola wears in the picture above: long sleeveless tees, large shorts and maybe protective gears such as knee pads, sleeves or braces to reduce chronic pain caused by the immense burden put on the knees in basketball, to prevent bruises caused by collisions and hard fall and to provide support after a significant knee injury like an ACL tear. They could wear also compressive arms sleeves to help muscles that are sore or overworked to recover faster. The sleeve enables your blood flow to circulate quicker to the heart, which helps you heal and recover quicker.

Wow. WNBA wears Exactly what wear NBA players. So surprising.

4. This is only a promotional character sketch, not what Lola would look in the movie.

Space Jam 2 would be developed in CGI and there are a little preview frames going around, included one showing Lola jumping and you can see her breast shape. But she totally looks like a comic cartoon character. It's not humanized. It's not designed to be the sexy love interest. She doesn't look out of space among the others anymore, expecially because seems that there would be also Tweety's Granny and Melissa Duck or Tina Russo as players too.

5. Reality.

Really? You want a human anthropomorphic rabbit? Well, Lola as a rabbit would have something like six nipples, but no human-like breast. And, also, real life girls have ribs. No one in real life is that thin. Oh, well, if you don't considered Pixee Fox, a model who had surgically removed six ribs and wears daily a compressive bust corset (yes, like the one that made Elizabeth Swan faint in the first movie of Pirate of the Caribbean) to look like a cartoon fairy (Tinkerbell, you are the one to blame for this).

(See here for references: X)

In conclusion, we can say that all this controversy is based only on a porny fan art and that Lola “new” graphic isn't change too much from the original Space Jam movie. It's just a little more cartoonish.

We can also firmly remeber that Space Jam 2 is going to be developed for children, to relunch Looney Tunes among new generations of children, who are the largest buyers of merchandising (including Happy Meals surprises) and consumers of new cartoons that surely would be developed, if Space Jam 2 would be a success.

However, we should admit that those kids probably know better the 2011 version of Lola than her original version and that 2011 version was more appreciated by fans and producers. Lola's voice actress, Kristen Wiin won BTVA People's Choice Voice Acting Award in 2012 and was nominated for that prize also about three times in the following years. Also Rachel Ramras, Lola's voice actor was nominated for BTVA People's Choice Voice Acting Award in 2016 for her role in Looney Tunes: Rabbit Run.

We don't know anything about Lola's personality in Space Jam 2, so we can't do a proper comparison or a prevision, but, according to what Malcolm D. Lee said, we can assume that original personality of Lola would be preserved.

The controversy is relevant only for Lola's body and not for her personality, and that's is highly rappresentative of what impressed more this bunch of grow-up kids. They grow up to be like the horny wolves and they are howling because their prey is not available anymore.

And, to be honest, being so obsessed with the breast and the body of a cartoon character (that is clearly made up for kids) it's not sane at all. Sorry to say that, but sometimes people need to drink from a bottle of truth.

[annarendellsa]

my heathers headcanons

it's the way i see them and draw them, you don't have to agree! this is based on both the musical and the movie

CW: mention of suic*de and e*ting disorders (bulimia) as well as various mental illnesses

Heather Duke

• heather duke is aromantic and yes its because she wears green, have you seen her socks in the off broadway musical? /hj

• more seriously, she IS aromantic but it took some time for her to figure out. she is allo but she doesn't label her sexuality, and she was always confused and frustrated to experience sexual attraction but never romantic attraction; she had a hard time accepting this part of herself.

• post heathers: maybe she discovers about non binary identities and asks her girlfriends to test out they/them pronouns on her? idk? aro-agender duke?

• she also struggles with empathy as she is naturally apathic

• and she's putting this image of a cold mean girl because she believes she can only be that given she's aro and ND

• post musical: she had no idea mcnamara actually tried to commit suic*de and when veronica tells her she breaks down in tears and spend a few days writing an apology letter to mcnamara

• post musical: mcnamara helps her to develop her compassion, knowing it's not her fault she's incapable of empathy. she didn't have to forgive her, but they did, and it really motivates duke to become a better person and be as nice as her

• post musical: she sees a doctor! she eventually recovers from her bulimia. veronica and mac are 100% supportive of her recovery, and very proud

• she gets bigger as part of her recovery and learns to embrace it

• duke is very pale with really dark and thick hair and eyebrows, soft features and quite a lot of body hair

• you know the bootleg where duke has blonde hair? when she's on the tv she speaks german and i vibe with german duke now

• duke Cannot say fuck and if someone is prude/innocent/idk it's her. the why are you pulling my dick was just to fluster veronica i think

Heather McNamara

• they use she/they pronouns!! just because. she still identifies as a girl though

• mac is autistic of course, it's like semi canon in the musical

• since she's very tall (movie) she stims while standing like being on the tip of her toes or rocking back and forth and the others can be quite annoyed because she moves a lot but they never snap at her

• post musical: veronica finds her stimming endearing and they know it's safe to stim around her, especially since veronica stims herself

• post musical: mac hums as a stim too and you can often find macnamawyer snuggling on the floor while humming in harmonies together

• she used to mask a LOT and it played a big part in her depression. she knows they had to stop themselves from stimming when she was a heather, she had been the weird kid in middle school but now that chandler took her under her wing, she has to pretend to be NT in order to stay in the lifeboat (😭)

• she's a lesbian!! of course she is

• she knows it since she is in middle school and has been """gal pals"""" with chandler since them but she still struggles with it she has comphet yk, but still less than chandler

• chanamara definitely practiced kissing together "to be ready when we'll have to kiss boys" 👀👀👀

• chandler always had a soft spot for mac and tried to hide it by being cruel to duke

• post musical: it took mac some time to understand that duke had nothing against her personally. she was chill with them until chandler died. from that moment she had to prove herself as the new queen bee and mac was a collateral victim

• duke definetely gave her trauma though and mac is in the process of trusting her again

• mac themselves is not a cinnamon roll just yet and she still has to make up for what they've done to others

• mcnamara has nicknames like mcNcheese or macaroni (veronica came up with those)

• they're also a vegetarian and she loves yellow food

• like she ever only eats yellow food actually (autistic thing). that girl is deficient! part of why she looks that fragile and thin

• also i see mcnamara as mixed race with golden/light brown skin and they have this type of curly curly hair but she straightens it all the time so it's only just wavy (once again, to blend in with the heathers)

• her natural hair colour is actually a dark strawberry blonde? her dad is irish and he's a redhead that's why (stole this from @cam-eats-candles hehe) but she dyes it so it's lighter

• post musical: she starts wearing her natural hair!! and goes with her mom to the afro hairdresser to start to get her curls done right (cornrows mac!!)

• their parents divorced (movie) and it's for the best. mac has daddy issues and only goes to her dad to get cute jewellery for their girlfriends 💖 (he doesn't just sell engagement rings. a lot of regular expensive rings, really)

• she's not a baby, she's not weak nor completely innocent and pure!! the girl is a head cheerleader, she's strong and flexible as hell.

Heather Chandler

• heather chandler is Also a lesbian BUT she is on the ace spectrum like demisexual? so yeah she's double disgusted when she "sleeps" with men

• as a queen bee she's also convinced that the only way to exist is through male validation :(

• chandler is taller than duke and veronica but shorter than mac

• chandler's skin is like rosy and it freckles very easily. i see her with the same cloudylike hair she has in the movie, dark blonde, with the red scrunchie only holding back some of her hair

• she is Buff and is genuinely into sports (lesbian jock like regina george)

• she has a sharp hourglass shape her shoulders are broad and her legs long and strong. she could lift veronica against a wall easily. and she did

Veronica Sawyer

• ADHD!! she's been diagnosed for a while but only became medicated post musical

• bisexual!! so bisexual!! without a preference. she's always been open and proud about it and her parents are supportive

• for me veronica is brown, with thick and dark hair and dark brown eyes, midsize, average height

Martha Dunnstock

• that's canon i know, but she's fat, and not the socially acceptable-hourglass kind of fat. big arms! big tummy! double chin! (i see fanart of her just being chubby quite often and it's ANNOYING like that's a big part of her character)

• she's perfectly healthy like this as are many fat people :))

• i also like the hc that her attempt at sewer slide made her permanently disabled and that she keeps using a wheelchair! because it happens, it's important to show it, and it gives me a lot of ideas for cute kindergarten girlfriends prompts 💓💓

• of course realistically being fat AND physically disabled in the 80's was and is not an easy thing to go through but it's in my head so

• she's also a tiny bit taller than veronica

• i don't hate the outfit she wears in the off broadway show, but I like her west end outfit better!! it's a lot more 80's inspired and i totally see her in kidcore/clowncore etc, even if pastels are cool too

• in the current west end version, martha is played by a black woman and she looks amazing! however I've been drawing and imagining martha as east/south east asian, for no reason really?? also idk kinda rubs me the wrong way that in the more official versions of heathers it's always duke that is black, or martha? not the others? hmm

• i'm not comfortable with hcs that exclusively babyfy her or patronise her like a bunny rabbit just bc she's a fat outcast who likes unicorns!! she's not just cute and giggly! martha can and does swear and she Fucks, like mcnamara

• big round glasses + big nose + long brown hair

• taking inspiration from the princess bride line but she's a huge movie nerd. yes she loves happy endings but she also loves horror movies, as long as they have a happy ending

• she never gets a makeover omg y'all just hate people with glasses and a childish aesthetic istg

• she takes this aesthetic further though and

• post musical and high school: she doesn't just wear baggy clothes anymore as she only did that to prevent more bullying. she develops an unique style with a lot of pink and glitter and she's awesome

------

ok this is getting long ill probably do more!! tell me what you think <3

[mermaidsirennikita]

bridgerton--the good, the bad, the ugly

The short of it: Bridgerton excellently captures the tone of Regency romance novels and offers a lot of escapism and great sex scenes, but could definitely use some serious work in terms of how it depicts race and it should have made some further alterations to the dated and flawed source material.  Definitely loved a lot of it and am hotly anticipating the second season, but I want to see more work done and I HOPE that this encourages the adaptation of better (and less inherently flawed) romance novels.

Now for the longer take.

The Good

Bridgerton depicted sex and romance in a way that is totally different from anything I’ve seen in period dramas, for sure, but possibly different from anything I’ve seen on TV.  The romance of it all was woven into almost every aspect of the show. There is the handsome and seemingly severe but extravagantly wealthy and sexually adept duke sweeping into town.  The (multiple) rakes who just want to have fun while also being hot messes.  The awakening of female sexuality and the copious use of the female gaze.  (Note the pretty modest and minimal focus on female nudity, while we get plenty of lingering shots on Simon.).  People want love!  There is pretty minimal violence and perhaps the most physically violent scene involves Simon beating a man up because HE IMPEACHED DAPHNE’S HONOR~.

The sex scenes themselves focused on Daphne’s pleasure for the most part, and were probably among the best I’ve seen since Outlander in terms of chemistry, in terms of the visuals, in terms of focus on sex as an act of emotional connection and FUN. Yes, there was some Unlikely Vaginal Orgasming, but we also saw Simon tell Daphne about masturbation.  On the wedding night, he was pretty clearly touching her to help her enjoy it.  He ate her out... a good bit.  

And aside from that, we got all of the grand speeches, the stolen glances and touches, an excellent buildup of sexual tension that led to some pretty hilarious moments.  

I also really enjoyed many of the performances on this show.  Rege-Jean and Phoebe had great chemistry and excellent back and forth.  Jonathan was a GREAT Anthony.  I would argue that as lackluster as I found his relationship with Siena (more on that in a minute) it largely existed as a way to set him up for his romance with Kate.  He now has even more of a reason to be down with love, as opposed to solely relying on a kind of flimsy tragic backstory.  Additionally, his overprotectiveness of Daphne added tension to the story and made him a source of comedic relief for me?  I loved it.  Give me disaster Anthony all day; can’t wait until he falls to the enemies to lovers trope just like Simon fell to his FLAW-FREE fake dating plan.

A lot of the changes I found were really good.  Obviously, it was important that the show incorporated greater diversity (though they need way more).  Benedict was INFINITELY more fun and interesting than he was in the novels, and acted as another standout for me.  As much as I hate Portia Featherington, I think that the elevation of her to a proper villainess is probably necessary and Polly Walker excels at those types of roles, though they need to maybe have her be less like, actively racist.  I adored the addition of Queen Charlotte; she was excellent comic relief.  Lady Danbury’s expanded role and relationship to Simon was one of the best moves they made.  It touched my entire soul.

Buuuut....

The Bad

The show needs to work on casting more men that are frankly on Rege-Jean’s level.  It feels a bit awkward to see a guy that is by most people’s standards kind of stunning and then.... Colin looks twelve.  Lord Philip is like... a farm guy.  Get rid of the sideburns, we’re in romance novel territory.

In the same note, the girl who played Siena wasn’t a great actress and wasn’t super stunning, so even though I’m fine with her being a placeholder....  Eh.  Go for better casting.  The woman playing Madame Delacroix would’ve played that role so much better and I really enjoyed her dynamic with Benedict because she was just fun.

Frankly, I don’t know what the fuck they’re going to do to make me want to watch Penelope and Colin fall in love.  Their book was already a bit basic--fun, but far from revolutionary.  I don’t really get why they would receive attention similar to that of Kate and Anthony, basically.  The issue is that Colin, again, looks and sound rather young and twerpy.  It obviously wasn’t great for him to be tricked into raising another man’s child, but.... For fuck’s sake, how much would that have affected his life on a practical level.  He’d never know unless he was told, thanks to the lack of DNA tests.  He was marrying far out of his league in terms of attractiveness.  He’s a rich white guy in England with a supportive family.  

I really disliked the fact that Colin told Marina in his huffy little tantrum that he would have married her anyway--because would you have, buddy?  Really?  The thing is that Marina had no way of knowing that and her entire life (and the reputations of her cousins) was on the line.  She didn’t know if she could trust Colin to keep her secret.  They barely knew each other.  He basically came off as a whiny child and I’m fine with him staying in Greece if that’s the plan.

Penelope was just... psychotic.  And that was really disappointing, because I love Nicola and would love to have loved to see the fat girl get her sexy love story.  But first off, lol, it wouldn’t have been sexy because Colin was miscast.  Second, she basically tried to destroy Marina’s life and that of her sisters?  And herself?  Because Colin?  Because Colin, a guy who hasn’t even shown any amount of attraction to her at this point?  Her tears, her whining, it was all too much.  Penelope was dealing with a crush and Marina was dealing with the real Grown Woman issues of a child out of wedlock and as it turned out a dead lover and they were not on equal footing.

I mean, Penelope could very well make a great villainess at this point, and if done well I’d embrace it.  But I do not know how the fuck they can make me interested in her love story.  And the idea of her basically being launched into villainy because she was this chubby white girl obsessively jealous of a beautiful black woman...... not a great look.

The show definitely needs to explore diversity in terms of sexuality too--I don’t think it’s correct to read Benedict as straight because he still seems to be open to exploring.  Once he has more screentime, I think he could totally end up being bisexual, and it’s possible that the writers were trying to feel the audience out in terms of their receptiveness to taking a straight character who has a big straight love story in the books and making him LGBT+.  Eloise could also easily be a lesbian, and I’d be thrilled to see that happen.  They need to do something to expand the world, and if there are 8 Bridgerton kids, all of them being straight as an arrow seems SO unlikely.

The Ugly

Obviously, the rape scene was bad and should have been written out.  Simon could have gotten caught up in the moment and blown up at Daphne after he accidentally didn’t pull out in time.  Men.... accidentally don’t pull out in time... a lot.  That’s how babies happen.  It would’ve been believable, and due to our sympathies being with Simon largely, I don’t think he would have become irredeemable if he was more at fault than Daphne.  

As it was, I will say that the scene was somewhat better than it played in the books because Simon was conscious and totally sober, and it was a bit?  Confusing?  That he didn’t just roll Daphne over and pull out?  Because she wasn’t really clearly trying as hard as she was in the book to wrap her legs around him and hold him tight.  But it remained a rape scene.  The show also did a better job, I think, of establishing how fucked up it was that Simon took advantage of Daphne’s lack of knowledge.  Whatever he said about thinking she knew what was up--he knew she didn’t even know about masturbation.  He had to know she wouldn’t understand what pulling out meant.  He did very clearly mislead her to think that he was sterile and therefore denied Daphne her ability to give informed consent.  Did that justify what Daphne did?  Nope.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  But both of them did a fucked up thing and I think that we honestly could’ve stopped at Simon’s misleading.

The issue too is that this leads into a bigger problem the show had.  It wanted to include diversity (yay!) but did not consider the total implications of what was happening (not yay).  Daphne and Simon’s dynamic is inevitably influenced by the fact that she’s a white woman and he’s a black man, regardless of whatever handwaves happened.  This influences the sexual assault and makes it even more messy.

Speaking of mess, I’m not sure what exactly would have fixed the “we don’t want this to be a colorblind casting” issue... but the explanation they came up with wasn’t good.  Never mind that this makes everything SUPER confusing (racism is over like..... maybe 50 years MAX after Queen Charlotte’s marriage if we assume she was a teen when she married and is in her 60s now?) but Lady Danbury’s dialogue explaining this was HORRENDOUS.  “One of them fell in love with one of us”.  The implications are awful.  I don’t know if perhaps setting back the integration of society centuries earlier would have helped?  But this wasn’t it.

Additionally, the writers and casting directors didn’t seem to get that diversity is all well and good, but what about the fact that almost every black character has a light skin tone?  Why are there so few black female characters?  Why is Marina, the most prominent woc on the show, given the “pregnant and desperately trying to trick a man into marrying her until her jealous white cousin fucks her life up and she is humiliated into settling for a loveless match” plot?  I desperately hope we see her next season, falling in love with Sir Phillip or perhaps having experienced a plot twist that gives her someone else...  And she better not die. Eloise can find someone else if Marina really ends up with Sir Philip.

Ultimately, again, I really loved the show.  But it needs to work on some things.  I think that a lot of its issues can be addressed and fixed in a future season, and I HOPE they do that.

[swordmaid]

ok so awhile ago i sent in an ask saying i didn't know the characters u drew but i absolutely loved ur art and since then i have been convinced thru analyses of brienne that i absolutely need to read this series

what's the series actually called and where should i start? (asking the second in case it's one of those series that has different introductory points and all that) ive just been referring to it as the acronym in my brain

thank u for ur amazing art, u drawing brienne makes me so happy bc there are so few ugly women in media, and the ones that are are often made the villain. this sort of representation is so important and it makes me sad to see that it doesn't happen often--even the non-conventionally attractive women are usually a degree of acceptable attractiveness (i.e. representations of a fat woman will still be VERY curvy) and idk. it just makes me feel things whenever i see or read about brienne.

yes I remember your ask—thank you for sending it! the book series that brienne is from is called ‘the song of ice and fire / asoiaf’ if you’ve ever heard of game of thrones/got, got was adapted from asoiaf but the story just diverged differently. brienne is still present in the show adaptation, but she’s quite different to the book brienne/brienne that I’ve been drawing.

though I do have to warn you that the book DOES contain heavy taboo stuff like inc*st, r*pe, etc. and it really doesn’t shy away from being violent, so it’s up to you if you’d want to engage with it but I don’t want to mislead you or anything. there’s five books in total— brienne features in three and has a cameo in the fifth book. if you want to exclusively just read her scenes, I would suggest starting from the second book a clash of kings and exclusively reading Catelyn’s chapters, then move on to a storm of swords and exclusively read Jaime’s chapters, and in a feast for crows she has her own chapters there which you can read. In a dance of dragons, she makes a cameo in Jaime’s chapter and that’s it. However, I recommend you to read the whole series so you understand what’s happening in the books, the themes, etc. but the books are really long! so it’s up to you if you want to do it but I personally recommend it since eagle-viewing on one singular character gives you a skewed view on the series as a whole, BUT if you’re just here for the brienne—which is more than fair—then I suggest starting with a clash of kings and specifically reading Catelyn’s chapters only.

but tbh I really don’t want to mislead you—Brienne is just a side character in the series so she isn’t highlighted as much, though I do think she really shines in her chapters in a feast for crows. however, I’m aware of how I present her when talking about her and make it seem like she has a bigger role than what she currently has rn—my own thoughts about that aside—I enjoy exploring her character in depth as well as portraying her, and the books don’t really highlight her as much as I do so I really want you to keep that in mind!! I just like breaking apart Brienne’s story and character and analysing it to pieces and I don’t want you to disappointed when you open the book and you just see something completely different to what you were expecting!!

but anyway if you do start to read it, feel free to send me ur thoughts and discuss to me about certain things! I think it’s a really good read despite it’s length and everything, and I enjoy taking apart the characters and the narrative just because of how much depth there is, but if you find that it’s something that’s not for you then that’s completely fine too! anyway, thank you for appreciating my work 💓

[i-did]

hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.

Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go: 

CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia

I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.

So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).

Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.

To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight. 

Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc. 

These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn. 

Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair. 

Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves. 

Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them. 

And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn. 

Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums. 

Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)

“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)

 but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one. 

Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)

I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.

Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation. 

Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so. 

A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.

An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene. 

Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read. 

Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t. 

Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive. 

Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol. 

Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”

This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else. 

When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.

what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing. 

[jumin-deserves-better]

My thoughts on all the Mystic messenger characters and their routes :

Ok, last week I finished playing the mystic messenger game. I completed all the routes, DLCs etc. And, OMG, WHAT A RIDE WAS THAT ! . It doesn't have any appealing plot like other otome games, but this game sure did capture my heart,which most of the otome games fail to do so. The fact I could relate to some of the characters, I felt bad for them, concerned, weirded out at times , and so happy when they changed into a happy person because of me. The game deserves all the praise it gets, 10/10 👍

In this post, I will give my rating based on my playthrough for each character, and I will also say who is my true route as well, i.e, the route I fell in love the most, And please remember, these are based on MY opinions alone, please don't come at me, if it doesn't match yours 👀, Feel free to share your opinions about the characters as well & this post is way long beware ~☆

My playthrough order : I followed the recommended playthrough to get a clear picture of the storyline.

Zen 》Yoosung》 Jaehee》 Jumin 》 Seven》 V 》 Ray.

And for your kind information, I never played this game to get a bad ending, i didn't want to hurt those precious fictional characters just for getting one CG 🤐, but I do know what happens

SPOILER FREE!, I will be just giving MY OWN ratings , except for the rika part lol don't worry, ladies.!

Anyways, let's just jump into it ;),

Zen 🤍:

THAT SMIRK THOUGH 😏

His route : 9/10 ( not the best route, but I liked it anyways, as he is my 1st route)

His character: 8/10 ( I don't like narcissism or narcissistic people, I know it was his coping mechanism, but I kind of dislike those type of men, his attitude in Jumin's route, kinda pissed me off apart from that , he is great ! )

Is he my true route ? : NO, I don't like guys who are narcissistic, I understand that that its was his coping mechanism, to make him believe in himself, but still being narcissistic all the time is not ok, I have a bad memory because of those type of guys, moreover, I am not that confident irl 😂 , I mean the MC in Zen's route,will have to say lots of weird ass choices, and the fact that will impress him⁉️, i wouldn't even say those choices irl to anyone . I wouldn't mind being friends with him though. He is definitely the ideal BF material, but he is just isn't for me..Sorry, Zen.😅

Yoosung 💚 :

AWW CUTIE 🥺💕

His route : 9/10 ( apart from the "You are just like Rika", I personally enjoyed his route, the character development was the best at the end 👌)

His character : 9/10 (OMG! He is just so cute, I am not the one to get attracted to the 'younger guy' type, but this guy just changed everything for me, but he needs lots of attention , beware, yandere yoosungs will pop out if u don't care about him enough, and the fact this guy was the only one who was supportive for Jumin's relationship with MC in Jumin's route , showed how much of a cutie he is!, unlike others 😒, he was a bit annoying in V's route, but it is understandable, he deserves to knw the truth about the person who he admires )

Is he my true route ? : Kind of a YES & a NO. Eventhough I enjoyed his route more than Zen, like I said earlier I am not into those 'younger guy' type, he is a guy who loves to be babied and protected by a mature MC , and well...I am not that mature either 😛,in reality, I am a independent person, but when it comes to relationships, i liked to be babied 😏. I personally think he deserves someone better than me, I don't want to ruin his happiness 🥺

Jaehee 🤎 :

A friend in need is a friend indeed, my bae,Jaehee! 😄

Her route : 7/10 ( ok, I am gonna be honest here, I did not enjoy her route, I was happy that she realized her dreams and goes for it, but do we have to ruin a character just for making this route dramatic? Yes, I am talking about Jumin, Do u guys even know, how much I struggled to even start Jumin's route, I was literally scared of him because of his potrayal in this route as that jerk which he was btw,this route actually made me avoid Jumin for sometime.I expected the relationship between Jumin and Jaehee to become a healthy one, but oh well, whatever, & the after ending was just frustrating,all the RFA members just isolated Jumin, seriously, eventhough he did wrong things ,I felt so bad for him, imagine his thoughts at that moment , ugh...Jaehee deserves a better route, I am just not a fan of 'downgrading one character to give more importance to the main one', it's just bad writing)

Her character : 8/10 ( she is an amazing friend, a bit mature one at that. But personally i felt , if she really wanted to pursue her dreams ,she could have resigned, if she is not liking it . She was behaving a bit ignorant at times, especially in Zen's route. She could have communicated with Jumin beforehand about her difficulty in handling the job? I knw it's very difficult to suddenly quit the job, but she has every right to resign,she does have the money to open a coffee shop, thn why?. Don't come at me, and tell me that I hate her just because she is a female character,HELL NO, I like her but still her route made me have mixed feelings. She was being rude at times , I really understood why CHERTIZ did this, to show women can liberate themselves to work for their dreams, but in a professional point of view, I still think the route could have been handled better. Small businesses success isn't as easy to get, and in my point of view it would have been nice to show how MC and Jaehee make it through in her route rather than making Jumin a jerk, because it ruined Jumin at first for not only me but also a number of players ,but oh well,🏃‍♀️, I do like her, she could be a great friend, nothing more that that )

Is she my true route? : NO, I am straight. I see Jaehee as a friend. Some ask a romantic route for her, but I don't mind about that , I was just glad that I could help her to realize her dreams as a FRIEND.

Jumin 💜 :

I don't see a selfish jerk here, I see a soft boi , in a gigantic body, who is just lonely

His route : 10/10 ( Seriously, I did not expect to like his route one bit, I thought I would hate him more, but turns out, I freaking fell in love with the flawed "him" , HECK YEAH! this was the only route where i was being TRUE TO MYSELF, did not refer any guides, understood his loneliness, I could relate to him so bad, I was happy to help him during his vulnerable times 🤧.Zen was annoying ,but I didn't care much about it, because I knw why he was like this. I prefer the good ending, and yes he does propose for marriage to whom he have talked for only 11 days, but I was very sure he will listen to you, if u don't want the marriage immediately )

His character : 9/10 ( He is so cute in his own way,mature, intelligent,awkward and even gets insecure,because he thinks he does not deserve you?! , you deserve better than me ,Jumin 😫, he does get possessive and irrational and that could make others uncomfortable, but for me, I understood that as well, being an empath myself ,as this dude never had a relationship with anyone,he is new into this, I don't mind teaching him new things about the world, about love. His characterization in Jaehee's route was god awful and cheritz did a bad job in it , I think they decided to make him like this, just for DRAMA,Jumin might have a bad way of showing emotions but he is not a soul less demon. I have seen people calling Jumin an abuser, but I didn't see that at all, he was being an idiot and he acknowledges it, every damn time, an abuser doesn't do this at all, and no..I don't think Jumin is dominant daddy material one bit like how the fandom perceives him. This is his first relationship with a woman, I feel he would be sweet, embarrassed loving and a loyal husband material, and I love his "opposed to living together before marriage" thing as well, as my religion follows that too as well )

Is he my true route? : A. BIG. FAT. YES. HE IS JUST MY TYPE, dear lord. I have never seen someone so perfect and also with flaws just like me , this guy made me realize that all along, I just never showed empathy towards others and that's why no one wanted to talk to me irl, I didn't care what people told about me. He seriously made me understand my own flaws and I corrected it, he made me into a better person, big thx , Mr.Jumin . Morever , I was being myself in his route only, I loved all of his calls , he brings up the strangest things just to talk to you, that's just so cute WTH , this man will be so loyal I am sure of it !.I don't really care about his riches, I am just in love with his true self 😫🥺

707 ❤ :

The main man of this game, hmmm....

His route : 7/10 ( ok, I was so hyped to play his route , cuz even before I started to play this game, 707 was so popular, I expected a lot, but it was a meh for me...he did have a VERY HEARTBREAKING PAST , he was suffering from a lot of things, I understand. But the whole route wasn't that gud though...and his secret endings are just painfully depressing and angsty, V's death just broke my heart, I felt so frickin bad for Jumin, how would he even handle those things?.It just destroyed me completely. Moreover I don't find 707's jokes funny at times, his route had good plot, but 707 failed to impress me in his own route)

His character : 7/ 10 ( oh boi,I am scared that I would be slaughtered with hatred for telling this, the fact that he was faking his own personality was very shocking to me, I did not expect that. I despise tsunderes ,and 707 is the literal definition of it, so yeah, It ended up being annoying for me. Even though I was hella depressed like 707 before, I couldn't find him #relatable at all. I don't knw why , but I couldn't see him more than a friend 🚶‍♀️)

Is he my true route? : NOPE. I was not impressed by him at all, don't knw why lol, I tried to like him as he is THE REAL TRUE ROUTE,but it is still not getting into my heart, maybe because I already started to love Jumin, idk. I felt bad for 707, I wouldn't mind helping him as a friend, but as a significant other...NAH....,I am not into these type of guys 🥴,sorry seven...

V 💙 :

I can understand why Jumin and V were best friends...they be looking like DADDY 👀

His route : 8 /10 ( for me, I was happy that V finally understood that he was basically a obsessive simp for Rika, I hated that he blamed himself more, which somehow I agree, I feel like he could have said something to the RFA , yoosung was hella annoying in this route, he spoke as if Rika is an angel or something, which she is not btw, yoosung, she brainwashed saeran and freakin created a cult, and this is not something an angel would do 🥴, V is not just flawed or anything,he doesn't even love himself,and so clings to rika because she was so wonderful in her eyes as an idea .He kept the freakin truth hidden,just because Rika doesn't want to, of course, my baby,yoosung will ask about . V is too emotional,and he was a victim of rika's abuse and manipulation just like Saeran,I liked the plot and though I didn't fall in love with him , I did have a tinsy bit of crush on him, mainly because of his looks, more like a puppy love, the voice acting was on point 👌)

His character : 7/ 10 ( boi could have handled the situation with his crazy GF much better, he actually let Saeran get brainwashed by Rika, he could have done something, and the fact that he liked Rika only as an idea, showed that this guy was in a very toxic relationship, Rika and V are the perfect example of what happens when two people who doesn't love themselves date, and he was clearly the victim of Rika's abuse and manipulation. I also don't think he is an angel either, he has done some wrong things definitely, and the fandom should acknowledge his wrong doings)

Is he my true route? : NO. Though Jumin and V are very similar , I did not like the fact that he simped for his crazy GF out of his obsession alone and though, she was clearly showing red flags earlier, he thinks that the power of love can change her lol . He was so confusing for me to understand. 😂

Ray 💖 :

His route : 10/10 ( The drama , the music, the plot & the voice acting was just fantastic, I was blown away by this route, but that doesn't mean I liked Saeran as a character, the boi needs therapy, not romance lol, sry,and the recovery from his brainwashed state was unrealistic )

His character : 7/10 ( seriously, the voice acting for both the personalities was just mind blowing, he is such a well written character, but his abandonment issues isn't something u should romanticize about, he loved the affection that the MC was giving , but one wrong move, he will change just like that , he confused affection with love. Some are telling that Jumin was abusive, which he is not btw , for me, suit Saeran was super abusive, WTH)

Is he my true route ? : HELL NO. Eventhough he was practically innocent because he was under the influence of that elixir or some kind of a drug and brainwashed by Rika , I would never in my life try to have a romantic relationship with those kind of people. I may like him after he receives proper therapy ,but NO, just No, I can help him as a person, but I wouldn't go for a kiss or something with him. 🙄

Rika 💔:

This scene still gives me goosebumps 🙄

Her character : -infinity / 20 ( she deserves this uwu)

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Ok, hear me out, I hate Rika so much , i know she has been through a lot, i really do.. but it doesn't mean you can emotionally abuse and brainwash Saeran, he would have been a better person,she turned a person who loves ice cream and cloud watching into a self destructive psycho, another story showed how much she is capable of by her words , She manipulated V to not tell RFA that she is gonna start a cult, WHAT THE HELL, V, do you not knw what she is trying to do here 😳 ? But whatever,V was being manipulated by her "playing as a victim" tactics, she also played with Jumin's feelings for her, I was about to throw my hands on her, how dare u do that to my man ??, made yoosung to obsess over her to make him think that she is absolutely a gud person, and left him to ponder over her so called 'passing' , making him unable to move on from her.

And oh god,the backstory did not make me feel bad for her one bit, it only made me understand why she has become like this. Like dude, I understood she had a shitty past, but so did the other members of RFA, but did they all become like a manipulative victim player? Hell no.. they learned from their mistakes and they change, but even when all the members were trying to help her, she denies that she doesn't need a therapy. She deserves a proper mental therapy and a proper jail time. NO EXCUSE FOR THAT, she did the same manipulation and brainwashing for all of her disciples to get them into Mint eye.

But as a character , Rika just rocked it for me , she was so successful in making me and a lot of the fans hate her as an antagonist. Her voice actor was so gud,she had such a good way of speaking manipulative, like God, I understood why all the RFA members were all kind of whipped for her, she is such a master piece as an antagonist. 🚶‍♀️🤫

Vanderwood 💞👀 :

I NEED A VANDERWOOD ROUTE 😫

His character: 10/10 idk, why am I giving a rating for him though? I just love him 😂

Ok, I know he is a side character, but for some reason, I liked him more than 707 lol 👀, I just spoke with him only in one chatroom , but boi , was I whipped for him 😜

*******************************************

My favourite to least MM main characters and routes :

JUMIN - 19/20 ( 1st)

YOOSUNG - 18/20 (2nd)

ZEN & RAY - 17/ 20 ( 3rd)

V & JAEHEE - 15 / 20 ( 4th )

707 - 14 / 20 ( 5th, it's not that I hate him or something, it's just that I was neither IMPRESSED by his character nor the route, I don't mind him one bit! )

Rika -Though she doesn't have a route or a gud character she deserves a -infinity/20 ( and no place in my heart 🚶‍♀️)

Overall, this game is the best otome game ! , I actually paid for getting the hourglasses, I mean, I suck at patience, I was so intrigued by the story, but it was seriously worth it !. There are a number of otome games which charge more than this.

Anyways,

Thank you, Cheritz for creating Mystic messenger. This game totally changed how I perceived life, love ❤ and Romance 💕

[cosmic-capri]

Near you

A/N: felt like writing something smutty as a tribute to 100 very loved followers. Hope you enjoy! Feedback is very welcome, let me know how to improve for you guys.

Warnings: Implied smut, very bad dialogue lol (I really don’t know how to make cool fictional conversations) and I kinda tried a different narrative technique.

It was rare for Tom to find himself in casual encounters with other women. He preferred not to, not so much for his fame and reputation, which played very important aspects, but more because he didn’t felt entirely comfortable with the idea of just having a girl for the night and not even have some kind of consideration for her afterwards.

The few times he did bring someone to his hotel room or the property he is given while shooting a new project, never to his place, he never saw the girl again, they always left before he got the chance to maybe call a cab for them. He hates to admit this to himself, but sometimes it is more as if he felt the one who was used and discharged.

Tom was a sensitive person, he didn’t expected or wanted to find love after a few drinks and senseless fucking, but he hated the fact that all this girls would just scream his name without really showing any kind of real pleasure, and he knew, they would be telling someone the morning after, how he fucked, how he did, what he didn’t do, his body and size. This details and idea haunted him, sometimes he got so nauseous he felt sick afterwards, blaming it on the booze. No girl ever really felt real on some kind of way, no talking, no laughing, no nothing, they were just there, moving on top of him, saying things that felt acted, “yes tommy fuck me, oh my god yes I’m gonna cum”, while he was just entering them, or when he was just somewhere else not committing to give them real, or any, pleasure.

Tonight was going to be different.

She was working on the legal, boring, professional and serious field of the job. She was present most of the time, which has given Tom an opportunity to get to know her at a certain level. She was reserved, almost boring-looking, but she was always kind to everyone, she always gave him a warm smile, and she had a type of attractiveness that had to be stared at for a while before really seeing the beauty she carries. At least that’s what Tom thinks, because she doesn’t act like no model, she doesn’t seem to care so much weather or not she looks flawless or trying to impress him. She is just there, sometimes she laughs loudly, sometimes she speaks in terms and mannerisms Tom could never completely understand, and she sometimes stares at him, making Tom feel like he has to do something to keep her attention.

They never spoked alone, there was always someone else, Tom felt as if she didn’t wanted people to really know her, there were moments in which she went quiet and vanish. She was inside of her head more than anywhere else. Tom couldn’t help but feel curious, and to feel bad when she was by her own with all those papers and coffee for the fat bastards at the top. He would get into a bad mood when thinking about the possibility of them staring at her like a piece of meat when she clearly isn’t looking for it, at all.

The few times she got to be more preset, or at least that’s what Tom thinks, is when there are events regarding alcohol and late night entertainment. She seemed more loose and open to be herself. Tonight was going to be different.

Tom decides to approach the group of people she is hanging out with. This is one of those occasions in which she doesn’t have to make and effort to show off her beauty, and of course is one of those occasions in which is impossible for her to hide and pretend to be invisible, how could she? Thinks Tom, she looks so beautiful.

He saluted everyone, taking his time to give her a warm hug, grabbing her by the waist and kissing her cheek. This is how he greets all the women he considers to be familiar or as friends. She seems surprised by it, but with no problem at all returns the same warmth, and as if she was reading Tom’s mind, she also takes more time to kiss his right cheeck. The conversation flows and grounds around Tom’s talent, which he is not comfortable with, he’ll have time to talk about himself when press arrives, right now he is interested in other things, like how to get to talk to you, just the two.

Having a great time? Tom asks her, since there was an awkward silence in the conversation that was taking place.

Yes, thank you, how about you Mr. Holland? She says, as kind as always. The name cought his attention, he almost wants to laugh, he finds it adorable in some kind of way.

It’s fine yeah. He takes a sip of his drink. You can call me Tom love. He gives away a smile, she returns it, she nods her head yes and then she scoffs.

I don’t know why I called you that, guessed I’m used to the formalities of my job.

Maybe it’s all those pricks who think they are on a higher ground than us, but not me, I’m no better than anyone. She looks at him, making a face, like she agrees and at the same time values his humbleness.

Yeah maybe it is.

More conversation is made, eventually the people around them realizes they have no place inside their talk and leave. Tom is so emerged in the way she can pretty much talk about anything and how he can follow trough, feeling a connection he hopes is not only something he feels, but something she does as well.

I don’t know why I didn’t talked to you like this before. She says, staring down at her drink.

To be honest I kinda wished you did, Tom said with no shame at all. He needed her to know.

Well, to be honest, I always wanted to be near you.

Tom is facing her now, closer to her face, not letting her look away, his beautiful brown eyes making it impossible to. She always finded Tom to be attractive, more than that, she felt as if he could do anything to her, and she wanted that.

Want to be near me now? Tom asked, taking a strand of her hair and placing it behind her ear.

Yeah, if you want to.

Tom is walking her to where he is staying, he is holding her hand and she is drawing circles with her thumb, her touch being electric. She looks like an excited little thing running and laughing, as if the bare idea of being there with Tom is already a reason to be happy. He is delighted, making him smile and laugh as well. He can’t help but hold her from behind, holding her waist, kissing her hand.

Tom has never had a girl that felt so wet for him. She began kissing him, and began to lean in closer, I want you to feel me, she said. Tom felt like he was dreaming, feeling so much of all of this, of her, showing him that she wants him.

He is running his fingers through her folds. She whimpers and holds his hand for support. She is facing him fully naked and so is him. He never felt this close to someone, he never felt exposed, but not in a bad way, he just wasn’t familiar with the intimacy that she is giving him.

God yes, she says, not even screaming, just pulling her head back, holding Tom’s wrist, he is charmed by the feeling of her warmth all over his fingers. He begins to draw soft circles on her clit, to what is making her shake a bit now, she opens her eyes, looking dreamy, staring right through him. She then grabs his dick. The touch taking him by surprise, he whimpers as well. He can tell this is new to her, her touch being too gentle and insecure.

It’s fine, he says as he places his hand above hers and begin to guide her movements, both her and his hand pumping him. God, just like that, he says, closing his eyes.

As Tom lays her down on bed, he begins to kiss her breasts and tummy, she reacts to all of his gestures, which only makes him desire for more. Her skin feels soft, she whimpers and tries to hide her moans, making them soft and tender.

Tom, I want you to take me. She says with her eyes closed, closing and opening her thighs, the friction making her breathing heavy, the sight making Tom twitch.

Are you sure? Even when he is dying to be inside her, to feel what is like to really pleasure someone and having just the same amount in return, he doesn’t want to hurt her or go too far.

She now sits down, grabs Tom’s face and stares at it, rubbing his skin with her thumb, she then grabs his hand, placing two fingers in her mouth, sucking on them, never loosing eye contact. More than anything, she says.

Being inside her was making it too hard for Tom not to come there and now, she is warm, and tight. She makes the most beautiful sounds with each thrust, and her hands can’t stop wandering Tom’s body, nails scratching his back and chest.

You are so big. She says pushing her head back. Tom never felt too confident about his size, being aware that he is average, but when she says this, and grabs the sheets with strength, as she clenches around him, he feels different and better than all the other times he’s had a woman’s body underneath his.

He can’t help but kiss every inch of her skin, bite, and suck.

She is now sitting on top of him, legs straddling his hips. His hands resting on her hips, thumbs grabbing the inside of her thighs, she would find marks the day after, only to remember how much Tom wanted her in that moment.

You are killing me y/n. The sound of his low voice, saying her name, and his tender yet strong thrusts is all it takes for her to fall on his body and feel her legs numb and shaking.

Tom lets her rest on his chest, still inside her. He caresses her back, feeling her calm down from her high. He’s never experienced something like this.

As she moves and exits him, she crawls down and removes the condom, staring at his hard on. She looks up at him, shiny eyes filled with lust.

Can I suck you off? She asks, pumping his dick. Tom moans and nods his head. Only if you want to. He says, how he is still capable of thinking about her before his own pleasure, he doesn’t understand, but he just knows that he cares about her.

Her tongue licks a short strap on his tip. He needs to grab something, being sensitive and overwhelmed by her. She sucks, not going too deep, making sure one hand pumps what she can’t fill in her mouth and other to caress his lover abdomen and thighs.

He comes without being able to warn her, but the release is too much for him, he moans and groans, letting himself go, feeling the heat of his cum on his tummy. She just stares at him, kissing his hip bone, still holding his dick, thumb caressing his tip. Once he is back to earth, he stands and invites he to come close to him. He kisses her with passion, still breathing fast. She smiles into the kiss.

Let me clean us up. Tom stands up, legs numb, head fuzzy. He’s never had this, he can’t help but think if he was her first. He can’t help but take some pride in it, thinking of all the pricks who might wanna have her but weren’t even close to.

As he cleans himself up and wets a toweled offer it to her to get cleaned up as well, he listens to her coming up to the bathroom.

Hey, she says, hugging him from behind. You are so handsome. She kisses the back of his neck.

He smiles and turns to look at her, smiling and feeling... happy?

You are also very beautiful , I think I’ve never had a night like this, you ended me. They both laugh, her arms still around him.

They hope they could stay like this, if not forever, at least for as much time as life can allow them to.

[mayascherub]

ethan ramsey x mc fanfic - “dirty pig”

pt. 2 of the ethan ramsey x mc fanfic “I love you no matter how you look. From the beginning, I was attracted to you. Not your appearance”

⚠️ warning: talk about fat shaming, sexual harassment, sexism, misogyny

Tag list:

@drethanramslay @sekizincimektup @ethandaddyramsey @openheart12 @noboundariesplease @caseyvalentineramsey @kaavyaethanramsey (tell me if you want to be added or removed!)

Thank you guys so much for the support! I am glad how much the last fanfic meant for a lot of you🥺

————

The weeks got by quickly. Ever since Ethan had confessed his love for Casey, her brain was only occupied by him. And his by her. It would not be nearly enough to only say thoughts, as every intention, action and dream screamed “Casey! Ethan! Together!” in both of their brains.

It could not be explained exactly how they got through the diagnostic team meetings, interaction with patients and medical staff without sounding and looking completely dumbfounded - but they did, amazingly enough. Only twice did someone comment suspiciously. June had to ask Ethan a question four times before he finally could focus and give her only an mildly adequate answer. Casey giggled, well knowing of the look in his eyes - all it screamed was “Casey”.

Casey was pouring Jackie a cup of coffee in their apartment, being so unfocused on the coffee, since she tried her very best at remaining cool whilst her roommates’ conversation was about Ethan. “Casey! What are you doing?” Jackie yelled as Casey accidentally poured coffee all the way down Jackie’s wrist. “Are you immobile?”

“What? Sorry!”

Now it’s important to state that Ethan and Casey never slept together after their talk, nor did they simply kiss or share any other romantic interactions. Although, his love was confessed and Casey wanted answers.

Casey looked at the door with his name on it for quite a while. Casey, you have to act now. People will think you are paralyzed. She thought and therefore quickly grapped the door handle. Ethan was standing with his arms crossed, looking sternly at a man in his mid-forties.

“Oh! I’m so sorry Eth- Dr. Ramsey”

Ethan looked annoyed at Casey but his gaze quickly softened.

“It’s fine, Dr. Valentine. Dr. Talbot was just about to go”

Ethan waved his hand at the middle aged man and gestured towards the door. The man looked mockingly at Casey and snorted.

“Are you serious, woman? We are having a conversation. Get your ass out”

Ethans jaw tightened, but kept his cool.

“Well Dr. Talbot. Or, now Mr. Talbot I guess. You have received your punishment from Dr. Banerji, I frankly don’t understand why you came to me in the first place.”

Casey swifted uncomfortably on her feet, realizing which man she had met. Dr. Talbot was fired by Naveen, since a patient had reported sexual harassment against him. After that, several of the nurses and a few of the interns also came forward with sexual harassment allegations against him. He was currently on trial, and therefore finding the circumstances of his firing unreasonable - he was now asking Ethan if it could be reduced to suspension, since he wasn’t proved guilty yet. Naveen couldn’t be persuaded into doing it, so Dr. Talbot instead went after Ethan - thinking he would be on his side.

“Well.. Dr. Ramsey. I can’t imagine that you haven’t.. a few times.. made some mistakes, y’know? Mistakes like thinking some women would appreciate some attention, I mean.. they usually do. And then they just blow up with all this sexu-“

Ethans face welled up with so much anger and disgust as he interrupted Mr. Talbot, making Casey able to feel his revulsion.

“No. Mr. Talbot. And don’t you dare make your actions sound like small mistakes. It clearly is a pattern of yours, being extremely misogynistic, disgusting and overly inappropriate. And if you think every man in power is misusing his power and privilege to do such vile actions, you are wrong. Very. Wrong.”

Ethan grapped his arm and shoved him towards the door, making Mr. Talbot pass Casey on his way out.

“Go. And if I see you around here I promise I will fucking punch you.”

Mr. Talbot looked suprised at Ethan, and stopped right beside Casey. He gave Ethan a smirk as he swifted his attention to Casey.

“I see. You are putting on your feminist for this little thing.” He looked at Casey and let his eyes rest on her chest, but continued to her stomach. Casey felt her hairs on her neck rise as she uncomfortably hugged her torso and looked down in the floor.

“Or. Not little. Are you banging this fattie, huh Ethan?”

Mr. Talbot let out a chuckle and looked up at Ethan again. Just as Ethan have had enough.

It was like a little switch inside Ethans brain got turned on. Unfortunately for Mr. Talbot, it was the switch-of-protection-for-Casey. It was only one, but a very tough and quick punch directed right in the middle of Mr. Talbot’s face. Swuush. Continued by a loud bang as he lost his balance and fell to the floor.

“Argh!”

Ethan retreated, coughed and straighted his tie as he opened his mouth.

“And that was for fat shaming.” Ethan bend his knees so he was in eyesight with the fallen man.

“Want one more? You deserve a hell of a lot more for what you’ve put the other women through”

Mr. Talbot finally realized the much taller doctor’s intimidating glance.

“I.. n..no. Dr. Ramsey. I..” he got on his feet “I’m sorry” Ethan also stood up, crossing his arms.

“You are sorry?”

Ethan mockingly snorted and looked to the side, his jaw clenching once more.

“Don’t apologize to me. I can’t use it for shit. Apologize to Dr. Valentine. And after that, you can get the fuck out of this hospital and write apology emails to the other victims. I don’t think they want to see a dirty pig like you again”

Ethan took a step closer to Mr. Talbot and looked intimidatingly down at him.

“I know I won’t”

“I... I’m sorry Casey” Mr. Talbot stuttered and looked scared at Casey.

“Well.” Casey just realized how she had been almost completely silent throughout the whole interaction. She was baffled with Mr. Talbots behavior, but still relentlessly falling more and more in love with Ethan. What felt like just the other day, he was being supportive and body-loving, which made her feel comfortable around him - even though she still was working on her insecurities, it was delightful to know how he felt. She knew she didn’t need his validation, but how his views were, made her able to focus on herself.

Now he had literally punched a guy for her, because - of not only fat-shaming, but also because of his views on misogyny, sexism and the #metoo movement. Ethan was a feminist, and she would lie if it wasn’t attractive as fuck.

“Well. To you Mr. Talbot, it’s Dr. Valentine. I am an educated doctor, y’know. Just like Dr. Ramsey. Only my close friends can call me Casey. Thank you for protecting me, Dr. Ramsey. But I would like to say something myself”

Ethan smirked and looked annoyed at Mr. Talbot as he coughed uncomfortably. “Of course. Sorry Dr.”

“Promise me that you won’t ever do this again. And I will put in a good word with Dr. Banerji”

Ethans face quickly fell as the smirk turned into a confused glare at Casey. But he kept silent as she continued.

“I want you to beg.”

Mr. Talbot just chuckled but quickly realized she was being serious.

“Oooh. Ok.” He scratched the back of his head and opened his mouth once more. “Please talk to Dr. Banerji for me, everyo-“

“No. This is not working. On one knee”

Casey smiled from ear to ear. Ethan tried to hide his, but knew what she was doing. Mr. Talbot was about to refuse, but got on one knee.

“I.. Please. Everyone deserve a second chance”

He held his hands together and begged.

“Ok. That’s quite enough. You can go, Mr. Talbot”

He glanced once more at Ethan but hastily left the office. Casey closed the door and bursted out with laughter.

“As if I would ever mention him again to anyone.. and to Naveen??? Is he mental???”

Ethan just smiled at her and sat down on his desk.

“You did well. I’m sorry if I was being.. a little..” he was searching for the words “Over-protective? Perhaps? I just.. i’m tired of men like him”

Casey bit her lower lip and let out another of her bright smiles. “No! I.. I appreciate it.”

They locked eyes, feeling relieved and lost in each other’s presence.

“So? Ethan the feminist?”

“Yes. And people - especially other men - like to make jokes about it. I am proud of it.”

“You should be.”

Casey knew why she originally entered his office. To find out more about the love for her, that he had declared. But now she couldn’t. She was loving the moment to much to harm it. Casey was not dumb, and she knew her mentor pretty well. It would get awkward and probably uncomfortable if she mentioned their former talk. She knew he wanted to keep it professional. But.. he already told her that he loved her. Why back down?

“I should.. go to my patient” were Casey able to say.

“Oh. Ok. Yes. You.. uhm. Yes” Ethan stood up and turned his back to her.

Both with unspoken words left behind.

[flying-elliska]

S5 Review pt 2 : the Bad

So in my last meta I listed a lot of reasons to like this season...but then why did it not (at least to me) all add up together ?  Looking back, I can think of so many clips that I thought were incredible. But looking back at the season in general, I just feel a big ‘meh’ and it’s sort of puzzling - why exactly ?  Here is where I thought the season could have been a lot better :

I loathe love triangles : I hate the trope in itself. Is S5 the worst example of it ever ? No, it served somewhat of a thematic purpose and the resolution was interesting. But I can’t help it, when I feel a love triangle coming on, I generally disconnect emotionally because I have been annoyed to hell and back by it before - one big offender being Skam France s4, in which the love triangle/quadrangle marked the beginning of the season going down in flames, with it overshadowing everything else and making the characters behave in completely obnoxious and puzzling ways. S5 isn’t quite as bad, it feels more respectful of the characters, but I find it weird that the writers chose a love triangle again on the heels of the reception of s4. 

The problem with this trope is not ‘oh we don’t want drama ever’ it’s just so bloody annoying, so trite and overused. It rests on centuries of sexist tropes : either a wishy washy girl in the middle who doesn’t know what’s good for her/her own heart ; or two girls competing for a man’s attentions. It often ends in the fandom villifying the women involved no matter the shape of the triangle, comparing them against each other, which definitely happened this time (Twitter was just so annoying this season), and this whole ‘team x’ thing gives me hives, as the assumption that this is what young women viewers care most about. 

Also it generally involves the characters showing that they have very little self respect, letting themselves be walked over, bad communication, implications about what the ‘better woman/man’ should be like, cheating, etc...it’s very rarely fun or interesting to watch because we’ve seen it a thousand times before in teenage soap operas. Again, the s5 ending avoided the total trainwreck but this is a show you watch in real time, and for weeks I was afraid it was going to be absolutely terrible, and it ruined a big part of my experience of the season. When they introduced Noée I started being scared, and when it became clear Arthur was developing feelings for her, I basically noped out emotionally. I started following it in a much more detached manner, I wasn’t looking forward to the clips anymore, I stopped writing meta so much. And it sucks. I wanted to love the season. But this was just not a ride I really wanted to be on. 

Alexia (and Noee) deserved better : I love Alexia and developing her character is one of the best things Skam France ever did. In OG, the character of Chris, if interesting, is just continually reduced to the ‘funny fat friend’ persona and it really sucks. So giving Alexia a real personality, making her bisexual, giving her more of a role in s3, making her a dancer and a singer was really cool. I’m bi myself and I spent most of my high school struggling with my weight and if I’d had a character like her, who radiates self-acceptance, it would have meant so much to me. I was really stoked for her to have more of a role in s5 - only to spend most of the season feeling really sad for her. It was just...not fun. I so wish she could have had her own season and her own story that didn’t revolve around a dude she was so supportive of and still ended up treating her like shit. 

Also, real talk : when is a curvy girl actually a love interest without it being shown as funny or not good enough ? Especially of the main character ? Almost never. Coline might have lost some weight, but she’s still written as a curvy girl this season and it’s an important part of the character. So for her to have this particular role this season - the girl that isn’t romanticized, that doesn’t get to have the cute and thrilling moments, that is just sort of there and patient and understanding as if she couldn’t get anything better, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Sure the end of the season did her more justice but god it took so long and in the meantime, it just felt...very ill considered and careless. 

In the same way, I wanted to love Noée, I thought she was amazing, but because of her role in the plot I just felt this instinctive defiance towards her character. It would have been so cool to have her in a friend role, or even a love interest outside of the triangle or I don’t know like...have someone else fall in love with her. Also, I just did not understand why she loved Arthur ? Like she just met the dude a few times, and he’s mostly been a total asshole to her, who makes very little efforts to communicate with her...I get she could get attracted to him but love ??? The moment where she tells him ‘I love you’ felt demeaning to her, like the moment in OG where Noora falls after running after William. It’s like, Arthur has just been an enormous asshole to her, and she pushes herself to do something she’s never been comfortable with in the first place ? Why ? This show romanticizes teenage boys being assholes and girls being desperate way too much. 

The Skam dilemma, love vs politics and “Let’s all just be nice.” : There is a reoccuring problem accross all Skams, starting with the OG : they bring up very political topics, usually in the beginning of the season, and then they...don’t really do anything with them. In the OG, Noora’s feminism is really just window-dressing and we see her bend over backwards to accomodate this super toxic asshole into her life. And we see Sana’s struggles as a Muslim in Norwegian society, but then love drama takes over, and it’s waved away with an insulting ‘everyone should just communicate more’ ending. Skamfr s4 made it even worse, by making the girl squad a lot more overtly racist, never having them make a big gesture for Imane, putting her in a position to apologize, and never showing that the girl squad had an idea of where they messed up or real growth. It was insanely frustrating, especially since the beginning of the season was so good at showing all the little micro-agressions. In the end it felt like all the racism was just there to motivate Imane’s breakdown for plot reasons and not to actually say something. S5 never stoops quite that low, but there was a bit of a similar dynamic at hand here. Instead of the boys actually have a real conversation after their fight, most of the denouement of the show was consecrated to talking about the love drama. It was, again, as if the focus of the show was on the wrong things, and it robs you of the catharsis you’re expecting. As if they used the love drama for a metaphor for the actual issues, have it do all the emotional heavy lifting, and in so doing bypass having to adress the actual problem. There is this weird ideas that the audience of the show - teenagers and young women, mostly, in the end care the most about the love stuff and that everything else has to take a backseat and...this feels neither a good message to send, nor realistic to me. I like it when shows about teenagers decenter love and show the real complexity of their characters’ lives without making them paragons of virtue or wokeness - Derry Girls is a brilliant example of that. Skam, and Skam France in particular, feel a bit immature still compared to those, punching below their weight for shows that pride themselves on their social impact. 

Hit with the idiot stick : Speaking of underwhelming resolutions - yes, the boy squad messing up with Arthur, I found relevant and realistic. But...did they really even adress it ? I was really hoping for the boys to have more of a conversation, for Arthur to open up to them about what he went through, about his father, to tell them that they should have asked him/listened to him more, etc...and I know ‘teenage boys’ or whatever but ...aren’t they trying to change those stereotypes too ? Like when Arthur went to see Basile, they must have had a conversation, why the fuck did we not see it ? That’s the emotional bond I cared most about ! And we just had a hug ...underwhelming tbh. Same Arthur talking with Lucas but then it was just about their love lives ? Or when they came to the hospital, again, it was just about the love drama ? God it really sucked out the oxygen out of the season. The resolutions of those things just being hugs or speeches or handholding at the end felt hollow, and a lot less powerful than they could have been. And again, there has to be a tolerance for messiness, but I found the boys so incredibly dumb at several points in the season. Especially them being like ‘oh cheating isn’t so bad’ after they found out that Arthur’s dad was cheating on his wife ? Like why the fuck did they take Patrick’s side ? What kind of lack of empathy ? It would feel a lot more coherent for teenage boys to be furious at the destruction of a friend’s family, not talk like cynical 50 yr olds who just divorced for the fifth time. It felt so unrealistic and stupid and just meant for Arthur to finally clue in to the idea that cheating and lying is bad maybe, himself first without external clues from characters that really should have known better by now. Especially Yann and Lucas advising Arthur to keep his mouth shut after what happened in s1 like...did whoever write this read the previous seasons of the show ? There were just too many times where the boy squad felt out of character and mandated to be idiots just for plot reasons, and it felt...very crudely drawn. Disappointing, because the beginning of the season was awesome. But again, Skam France failed in delivering real growth for their friend group. At times, it even felt like character regression. Them holding hands at the end of the season made me emo but damn it could have been so much more.

Also some plot twists - the car crash in particular, just felt dumb and unnecessary, seriously. 

A too distant main : In the end, like I said before, my main issue is that I didn’t feel as connected to Arthur as I wanted to. I mean, the cheating bit was just very unrelatable to me, after how they showed how supportive Alexia was and how she supposedly made him happy like...why. But maybe that’s just me. Regardless - in the first few episodes he felt distant in an interesting way, because it made sense for his character to be so walled off. But...I felt like his self discovery was way too blurred with the ‘oh I like Noee’ part to the point where it ended up being obscured. I would have loved more clips on his own, maybe something more about him questioning his path in life, whether he truly wants to do medecine. And like apparently he liked fine arts ? Then, why didn’t we see anything about that ? Did he paint the x-men painting ??? That feels so relevant, why the fuck didn’t we see that ? Also why didn’t we see him take those LSF classes with Camille and actually make an effort this time ? Having almost all of his realization moments tied to Noee was just...the manic pixie dream girl trope. That’s what it’s called, when you use a quirky female character as a device for the emotional development of the male one. It’s...not flattering tbh. And then that farm episode - it was funny but for a week I felt like I completely lost touch with Arthur’s POV ? I’m really not sure that was the right choice. All in all, there were just not enough introspective, small, intimate clips for it to really feel like Skam, and that’s a shame tbh. I recognize a lot of myself in Arthur, and Robin acted his heart out to make him relatable, but because of the writing, there were way too many times where I was reluctant and puzzled instead of in it. I saw several people saying it was too much tell and not enough show and I think that’s very on point. I feel like a lot of Arthur’s actual character development happened behind the scenes in moments where we didn’t see it.  

Yeah...I think as a conclusion most of my issues are tied back to the preponderance of the love triangle. The season wasn’t bad but god it could have been so excellent if they hadn’t gone that route, and this swerve from greatness is just sooooooo frustrating. I don’t think it’s enough to condemn the whole season but...

Next up : some things I’m just very ??? about and a general conclusion. 

Bonus bitching round, fandom edition : oh my god, I don’t get into this often but...the fandom was so bloody annoying this season. Starting with the people sending death threats over a tv show (like...what the fuck) or thinking them being nasty assholes is somehow for the greater good (???), from people that don’t want anyone to use even 1 analysis capacity (especially on Twitter) and go beyond praising everything on the show, or the people either villifying Alexia and Noee and indulging in that ‘team’ crap, to the people that shoot down every single detail of the show without discernment or accuse the creators of being ableist sexist garbage or maltreating their actors ... And then you have the other remake stans coming to pollute the tags talking about how we were all stupid for liking the show in the first place. Like...seriously, what is up with you people. I really loved the block button this season, damn. 

[kannojo]

doin this because @atendersun​ wanted me to and i love her, full homo

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME. Hannah Kent

NICKNAME. None

GENDER. Female

HEIGHT. 5′1″

AGE. 21

ZODIAC. Libra

SPOKEN LANGUAGES. Hannah is able to speak and understand any language and dialect, as long as there is another person present speaking it.

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR. Dirty blonde

EYE COLOR.  A bluish-green jade 

SKIN TONE. Rather tan, as she gets a lot of sun and doesn’t burn

BODY TYPE. Endomorph, on the curvy side with slight pudge around her belly, arms, and thighs. No matter how much energy she burns, she can’t seem to lose all her baby fat.

VOICE. Doesn’t have a particularly deep voice, it’s smooth and nice to listen to, only getting high pitched when she’s overly excited.

DOMINANT HAND. Right, but her left hand isn’t completely useless, either.

POSTURE. She doesn’t necessarily carry herself in a proud way, but her back is straight and her shoulders are even, her posture definitely confident, but not in an overbearing way.

SCARS. Considering her ability to heal physical wounds, she is unable to maintain any scars.

TATTOOS. None

BIRTHMARKS. Nothing extraordinary, just typical tiny dark marks here and there on her arms, shoulders, and back.

MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). Two simplistic wing ‘marks’ on her back between her shoulder blades. They’re rather small, but unlike the rest of her flesh, they’re translucent and glow a faint blue.

PLACE OF BIRTH. Unknown

HOMETOWN. Verse Dependent

SIBLINGS. Technically Lucy, though she considers her more her own daughter.

PARENTS. Mistral has taken a parental role on both Hannah and Lucy, as Hannah has casually taken on the woman’s last name, Kent.

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION. She works for Mistral at her Cafe and Bakery, doing pretty much everything from taking orders at the counter, to baking the treats and pouring coffee, to cleaning after close. 

CURRENT RESIDENCE. There’s a rather large and cozy apartment above the shop in which the three girls reside, making it easy to run the shop and keep tabs on it.

CLOSE FRIENDS. While it can vary between verses, I like to have Hannah be good friends with both of my muses Opal and Edna. 

RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse Dependent. Tho @atendersun is her main squeeze rn

FINANCIAL STATUS. Since Mistral is very wealthy, owning her own business, still receiving royalties from old projects and careers, as well as many successful investments, Hannah gets paid very well alongside this, as well as Mistral paying for most of Hannah’s needs, which leaves Hannah sitting on a pretty coin or two.

DRIVER’S LICENSE. Ye, she’s got a license, though she doesn’t drive very often (she don’t need to, the bitch can fly- it’s mostly to hold appearances in certain cases)

CRIMINAL RECORD. Clear, Hannah’s done some very illegal stuff (murder) but she’s very good at not getting caught and keeping her tracks clear. Killing the kinds of people who can’t seem to stay in jail are her personal hobby, as well as making it look like freak accidents.

VICES. A bit too quick to kill. Sure, she could get them properly arrested and tried for the crimes, but why leave them to the corrupt judicial system with the risk of more people being hurt? (as well as being a waste of tax payer money, I might add) Hannah has a long list of rapists, pedophiles, and serial killer skeletons in her closet, and she isn’t the least bit remorseful. 

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Demisexual/Demiromantic, she very much thrives off of an intimate connection, usually needing one before sexual acts. Though it is verse dependent for the most part, one’s environment often affecting the libido and attraction levels. She does have a heavy preference for men, but she’s had a couple romantic instances with women in past threads.

PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. She is more of a provider of emotional comfort than a receiver. While she does very much crave having it in return, it’s more comfortable for her to be that for someone else, than to trust someone that much and be the more vulnerable one. It would take a lot of trust and development for her to allow someone that much power over her.

PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. She’s a switch through and through, depending on her mood and who she’s with. If her partner is more of a bottom, she gravitates to a more dominant role. If she’s with a person who’s a top, she’s more submissive. Though in either instance, there will be times when she craves the latter, not always in the mood for the same thing.

LIBIDO. Hannah’s libido is attached to her romantic attraction. If she doesn’t have anyone she’s interested in, it’s rather low and she’ll masturbate infrequently. But in a relationship, her libido skyrockets and she’s very forward and blunt once she trusts her partner enough.

TURN ON’S. Seeing the person she likes being good with her daughter is a very big one- if Lucy’s happy, she’s happy. The person smelling good is also a big one, but her biggest one would have to be moaning. She’s very much driven by that alone, so pegging is a favorite of hers ofc. She’s also spurred on my seeing her partner wet, like after a shower or sumn. As well as her ears and neck being kissed, she likes that too!

TURN OFF’S. Smelling bad, being bad with kids, and entitled behavior. She doesn’t like being ordered around in bed, asking nicely will do wonders. Prideful behavior will also turn her off, not a fan of a self important braggarts (but then again, who is?)

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. Hannah’s not a super touchy feely person, but when it comes to people she loves, she can grow very physically intimate. She’ll often want backrubs or head pets, and in turn will do the same. She also like to give little gifts- nothing extravagant, but her partner can expect her to bring them their favorite drink or treat when hanging out. She’s not a super romantic person either, prone to simple “I love yous” and general words of appreciation, you won’t be getting a wall of text on your birthday describing her undying love for you is what I’m saying lmao

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.  Angry Too by Lola Blanc

HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Reading, playing story based video games, p much just getting lost in fictional worlds that she one day wants to visit in person

LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Right.

PHOBIAS. No real ‘phobias’, but her biggest fear is outliving the people she loves, which she ultimately will do.

SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Hannah has confidence in her abilities and strength, though she lacks confidence in her humanity. When comparing herself to others, it’s not a test as to who’s ‘better’, but more that she wishes she have a more simple life sometimes. 

VULNERABILITIES. Physically, her heart is her only weak point, and she’s also hindered by colder temperatures, much weaker in icy climates and frigid temps. Emotionally, she struggles with admitting her insecurities and worries, wanting to appear stable and in control, when she really still feels like everything she’s worked for could crumble in an instant.

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

You and Me and You- Winchesters x OC Miliana

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

A/N: Hi friends! I’m sorry I haven��t been updating anything in so long! Life has been crazy! Work was chaotic, I went out of town for my birthday last month, yes the one I was supposed to spend with the SPN cast :(, and I moved towns. I’m currently in a temporary living environment as my family searches for a new place! So yeah, I’m so sorry I haven’t been around. On top of that, the mobile app has been so freaking glitchy and it’s super annoying. I’m not on my laptop as much but it might be worth it to read more fics! I hope everyone is well and please, send feedback! 

Xxx Monique

Word Count: 2,420

Chapter 3- 1997- Miliana’s POV

It was just another day in high school for me. I didn’t think I was all that special, yet everyone wanted to be my friend. I tried to keep to myself since I wasn’t like any normal sixteen-year-old. No, I was raised by the infamous supernatural hunter, Bobby Singer. Yeah, that was a fun childhood. He was always in and out of the picture but he made sure to show me and tell me how much he loved me. It did help too when the Winchester Brothers would come to stay with me. They were good friends of mine but their Dad kind of went a bit crazy. He found one monumental case up in like Canada or somewhere, packed up all his things, including his sons, and off they went. It’s been six years since I’ve seen them. My Dad tried to stay local for all his hunts since he believed girls can’t and shouldn’t be hunters, and I guess that makes sense, considering a demon killed his wife, but still, I grew up in this life; I understand it. Jody and her friend Donna, who also is a Sheriff, would come by and bring some of the girls they would take in. Just to help them out, kinda like what Bobby did with me. They’d come around when my Dad had a case that wasn’t close to home and it’s not like I’m not old enough to stay at home alone; Dad just gets freaked out.

“So Miliana, you’re almost done with your sophomore year now. How’s that feel?” Jody asked me one day when she and Donna came to stay with me. They brought some girl, Jessica, to stay with us too but I didn’t like her.

“Oh, I’m excited but I’m also ready just to start junior year,” I admit.

“Why’s that, kiddo?” Donna asked.

“Well, there tend to be more ways to get involved in junior and senior year…” I trail off my thoughts, avoiding the real reason I couldn’t wait to be an upper-class woman.

“You mean there’s a prom once you become a junior?” Jody gave a knowing look.

Damn, she was good. Yeah freshmen and sophomores had dances but they were separated from the juniors and seniors and we didn’t get the same respect as they did.

“Well yeah,” I admit, sheepishly.

“That makes sense. Plus, you’ll feel older and feel like nothing is impossible.” Jody said, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

She was exactly right. I loved Jody like she was my Mother. She kind of was, given the fact that when it came to girl stuff, she would be the one I called. My Dad would just get all embarrassed and wouldn’t know what to do. You can probably figure out how my first period went; awkward.

“Hey, I have to get going. I’m on the planning committee for this year’s end-of-school-year dance, as they call it for us lower classmen. I have to meet before and after school so I won’t be home until late!” I yell as I’m grabbing my backpack and rushing out the door.

“Don’t forget to call before you leave school so I can alert your father! Jody called, as I scurried out the door.

“Yeah!” I yell in response as I run out the door and down the driveway to meet up with my friend, Sandy. She was already further in life than I was. Sandy came from a wealthy background; Daddy paid for everything. She had a boyfriend, was gifted a car on her sixteenth birthday, and was already planning to attend college. She would be turning seventeen the first week of June so she was already “older” than the other sophomores.

“Hi, Sandy!” I say as I throw my bag in the back and off, we went.

“So, you won’t believe what I heard!” She starts with the daily gossip that was floating around campus before we even get there! This was a routine for us. Sandy would come to pick me up and would tell me all the latest drama before we even get to school. She’s very into other people and for the most part, this school doesn’t do a lot in private.

“What’s up today, Sand?” I ask. I was the only one allowed to call her that. She hated being called Sand but for some reason, we’re friends and I can call her Sand. Normally, you wouldn’t think two girls like us would be friends, but I stood up for her when some other “popular girls” were getting in her face, so I threatened to give all of them high-calorie snack bars, and they all backed off. Oh, that’s another thing. Almost all the girls at this school are on a low carb, no fat diet. They mostly ate salads all the time and ate like rabbits, which is why Sandy and I became friends. We both have high metabolisms so we can eat like pigs and never gain any weight; all the other girls are jealous.  

“Jared Kingston and Carly Wright are having an extremely public break up on the quad; again.”

“Jesus, again? Isn’t this like the twelfth time they’ve broken up?” I ask. Jared and Carly were your typical power couple; Jared, football captain, Carly, head cheerleader.

“Thirteenth.” Sandy corrected me.

“Don’t they get tired of all the drama? And for the love of God, can they not be so public about it?”

“Well, you know how Carly is. She thinks MTV is going to walk in one day and do a reality show off her non-existent singing career.” Sandy and I laughed. You sing a solo in the seventh-grade talent show and suddenly, you’re a professional singer.

“Hell, if anyone is a singer, it’s you, Mills. Get it?” I just scoff at Sandy’s lame joke, playing off my last name being Singer, and before I knew it, we were at school.

We parked the car and began grabbing all our stuff when a real sleek classic black car drove up to the front of the school. Parked rather crooked, two young boys got out of the car and everything around me suddenly came to a halt. I knew that car. I didn’t get a chance to see them because there was a thrall of students surrounding the car. Jared and Carly’s break up long forgotten, as guys were impressed with the car and the girls were impressed with the boys who came from that car.

“Whoa, who do you think they are?” Sandy asked me, snapping me from my thoughts.

“No one worth our time. Come on.” I say, strutting off, but not before I got the feeling one person was staring at me. We got to homeroom Spanish and chatted away with all our friends before Mrs. Ramirez came into the room.

“Clase, cálmate (“class, settle down)!” Mrs. Ramirez had the philosophy to speak in Spanish and have us try and figure out what she saying until she ended up having to tell us anyway. Not sure this was a very useful way of teaching but this what she did.

“Buenos días clase, tenemos un nuevo alumno. Este es Sam Winchester.” (“Good morning class, we have a new student. This is Sam Winchester.”) My head snapped up; it couldn’t be.

“Saluda a Sam.” (Say hello to Sam.)

“Hi, Sam.” A very few students had bothered to say hello to the new student, who was ushered to sit down in the only open seat in the class; next to me.

“Hey, I’m Sam.” He says, sitting down, but not making eye contact with me. I didn’t know what to say so I just kept quiet, hoping he would remember me.

“Do you not…holy shit. Miliana?”

“Hi, Sam,” I say, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Wha-what are you doing here?” He asks me in surprise.

“I should be asking you the same.”

“You never left Lawrence?” He whispers/asks.

I shake my head. “You know how my Dad felt about a girl being a hunter. He didn’t want me to have to see that life once I reached high school. Said I needed every normal high school experience I could get.”

“Well Miliana Singer, you are far from normal.” He said, causing heat to suddenly appear in my cheeks.

“Sra. Singer, Sr. Winchester, ¿tiene algo que quiera compartir con el resto de la clase? (Ms. Singer, Mr. Winchester, do you have something you want to share with the rest of the class?).”

“No Sra. Ramirez (No Mrs. Ramirez)” We both said in unison, our attention now on the lesson.

“¡Bien, entonces ciérralo! (Good, then zip it!)” As the rest of the class went on, I couldn’t help but steal glances from Sam. He was exactly how I remember him but he grew! He must’ve hit a growth spurt somewhere in those six years since I saw him last because he’s a freaking giant now. His hair is longer now too. He occasionally would flip it out of his eyes and it would send a whiff of his cologne and his natural “Sammy scent” as Dean used to call it, my way. His eyes were a mix of green and brown, like the color of the trees right before they begin to change color for the fall. And his smile was a big and bright and contagious as ever.

“Señorita Singer, ¿le gustaría resumir la Constitución española? (Miss Singer, would you like to summarize the Spanish Constitution?).

“Um…” I trail off but a voice spoke up.

“España es una monarquía y trabajan para mostrar la importancia de la libertad, la justicia, la igualdad y el pluralismo politico. (Spain is a monarchy and they work to show the importance of freedom, justice, equality, and political pluralism.)” Sam responded in perfect Spanish, to which everyone in the room took notice of.

“Muy Bueno señor Winchester. (Very good, Mr. Winchester). To which Sam just winked at me. Holy crap, what was happening here? How has he gotten more attractive all these later? And what is he doing in tenth? Wasn’t he supposed to be a freshman? He’s fifteen after all! I don’t know what his game is but I’m going to figure it out and figure out why he’s back in Lawrence. He got out! Why would anyone want to come back here?

The bell rang, indicating the end of the class and the prime time to catch up with Sam. However, with him being so tall, once he grabbed his backpack, he was out the door in a flash.

“This boy!” I said in my head. Keeping up with him was going to be a struggle considering I’m only 5’6. Rushing out the class, I zig-zag through the crowded halls, looking for that floppy head of hair. Finally, on almost the opposite side of campus, there he was. He was lucky to have a top locker but I guess because he’s so big, it makes sense.

“Sam!” I yell, just a few feet away, but quickly catching up.

“Millie, hey.” He said smiling that perfect smile but using my nickname; the only my closest friends and family can call me. It was weird hearing him say it since he feels like a stranger now.

“Miliana,” I tell him.

“What?” He looked a bit stunned that I corrected him.

“It’s Miliana. Only my closest friends and family get to call me Millie and since you left…” I instantly regretted it when the words fell off my lips but there it was.

“Ah yeah, I guess I kind of deserve that, especially since we didn’t even get to say goodbye,” Sam said, slowly nodded his head as he understood why I was hostile.

“Yeah, no offense but your Dad is kind of…” I say but he interrupts me.

“A douche? Yeah, I know.” Sam said, knowing all too well how I felt about how his Dad just ripped him away from me. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, surprised to see you here. Actually, why are you back in Lawrence?”

“Well Dad figured to move closer to home for a while but Dean still loves the hunter life so he and my Dad go out on a lot of cases.”

“Are you left alone a lot?”

“Oh yeah, but I’m going to living close to your Dad. There’s a small little house that is just up the road from where you guys are so I figured I’d stay there.”

“So, you’ll be around more often?” I tried to hide my hopefulness but I knew Sam; he could tell.

“I hope to, at least until graduation.” He grinned at me and my heart fluttered. Stop it, Miliana.

“By the way, how are you a sophomore? You’re fifteen!”

“Oh that. Well, I’m pretty advanced for my age so they set me up as a sophomore.”

“I’d say you are pretty advanced; you speak Spanish fluently!” I comment, still being stunned that he spoke so effortlessly. “Why are you taking a Spanish class if you’re that fluent?”

“Eh, I needed it for credit so I thought it would be the easiest A I could come by. Plus, I have separate assignments than the rest of the class.”

“What?”

“I’m an in-class tutor. When Mrs. Ramirez can’t tutor students in need of some extra attention, she looks to me. Turns out, a lot of the class is struggling so we made a deal; I tutor and learn all her lessons, I get the credit.”

Okay, Sam was so much cooler than I remember him being. He is so sweet and caring and smart and, oh no, I can’t be falling for him. No way, no! We had one little incident when we were kids but that was it; we were kids! We didn’t know what love or crushes were then. I cannot be falling for my childhood friend.

“You good there, Miliana?” Sam said, bringing out me of my thoughts again.

“Yeah, I’m good, thanks.”

“You sure? You looked like you were thinking about me shirtless or something.”

That son of a bitch! “What? Pssst. You wish Winchester!”

Sam just chuckled and shook his head but grabbed some more books out of his locker and set them in his bag, patted me on the shoulder, and bid me farewell. Shit, I’m so screwed.

 (Reference for the Spanish Constitution because I don’t plagiarize: Smith, Carr, Spain. Encyclopedia Britannica. Encyclopedia Britannica Inc. 2020 16 August. 2020 18 August. https://www.britannica.com/place/Spain)

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