#yes I named him after South Park Butters | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

2btheanswertothequestion · 2 years ago

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“I’m not calling for El.”

Jonathan, just drawing breath to shout El’s name, pauses. Puts the receiver back to his ear with his brow furrowed.

“You’re not?” he asks.

“Nope,” Max says on the other end. There’s movement where she is, rustling and footsteps, and her television is playing what sounds like a car commercial. She lowers the volume before he can catch for which car. “I wanna talk to you. Will said you have a skateboard?”

“I do.”

“Do you know how to use it?”

Jonathan puts the pile of mail, and the butter knife he was opening it with, on the table and slouches against the wall. He does know how to use it, or at least he did. It’s been years since last. Once he started working, there’s wasn’t any time to squeeze in skating for fun between homework and chores. Once he got his driving license, there wasn’t any point in using it for transportation either. But before that, the skateboard saw more wear than the soles of his shoes did.

“Yeah, I do,” he says, because though it’s been years he still knows how, right? It’s like swimming or riding a bike. Once you know, you know.

“Great. Then I have a favor to ask.” She breathes deeply over the line. “Mom doesn't want me out on my own. Because of my eyes and my legs. So, could you, like, help me out?”

–– –– –– –– –– –– –– –– –– ––

The area by the Mayfield trailer isn’t great for skating, with the cracked pavement and the seemingly permanent layer of gravel, and every other area that isn’t actually designated for skating but so used anyway is bound to have other people there. It’s because of that, he guesses, Max tells him to meet her by a little cul-de-sac south of the park. He arrives thirty minutes early to test the road and his rusty skills. Perhaps simply skating there would have been enough to refresh his muscle memory, but why take the chance?

It’s a nice area. The asphalt is even and the lawns are mowed. A few houses have fruit trees in their yards, and every window has the kind of curtain retirees like. A dog, small by the sound of it, yaps from inside one of the houses at one point, but calms quickly. After that, the only noise is the wind and his squeaky wheels.

He was right – it is just like riding a bike. It’s not as smooth as once upon a time, and he can’t go as fast, but he never eats shit. He even nails a kickturn and a tic tac on his first try, and a basic ollie on his second. By the time the Beemer turns up, he’s back to 100% confident in his abilities.

Max jumps out of the car, and for a moment it’s like nothing happened. Her spine is straight and her head is level. Her bright hair is loose and she’s wearing a yellow T-shirt.

Then she looks toward him, and her eyes are just a little unfocused. She walks and her movements are a tad too stiff. It’s impossible to forget the fact that she turned her back on death twice.

While she retrieves her skateboard and crutches from the backseat, Steve rolls down his window and beckons for Jonathan to come closer. He doesn’t have much to say apart from “Hey, man” and “I’ll be back in two hours” and, after leaning in close to whisper, “she won’t admit it, but she gets tired after standing for twenty minutes, so make sure she takes breaks”.

Jonathan promises with a nod and then the BMW drives off.

The first thing she asks is if he brought his board. He replies “yes”. Then she wants to know if he still remembers how to skate. “Yes” again. She nods, pushes a long tress out of her face, and drops her own board onto the road. The crutches, just a precaution according to her, are left lying on the sidewalk as she steps on the board.

When he asks how she wants to do this, she admits she hasn’t ridden in months – only balanced in her room, by her bed – and needs to figure out the basics again. So they start with pushing and stopping.

He leaves his board behind for it, opting to run next to her as she rides. It’s slow-moving at first, with lots of stops and starts. She wobbles but never falls, the one close-call when she veers too close to the curb and almost crashes aborted by Jonathan grabbing and steadying her. After thanking him she points out it might be a good thing for her to fall, and that he should let her.

He says he’ll consider it if she wears a helmet. She rolls her eyes and makes sure to ride farther from the curb on her next try.

Twenty minutes in he suggests a break, which she manages to delay for an additional five minutes before sitting down to drink some water and eat a banana. Above, the sky turns a shade grayer. She’s unconcerned when he lets her know, instead throwing herself back on the board. The uncertainty from before has all but evaporated off her.

She attempts tricks. Riding switch is easy for her, as is the kickturn and manual. The nose stall is harder since she can’t see when it’s time to shift her weight and balance. They solve the issue by having Jonathan stand on the curb and talk, letting her hear how far away she is. A few dozen or so tries in, she’s memorized the distance and succeeds without him. Cackling, she raises her hand for a high-five; he obliges.

By their second break, Max is almost smiling too wide to drink from her water bottle. Buzzing with excitement, she wants to continue immediately, but he puts his foot down because, happy or not, she’s exhausted. The corners of her eyes droop and despite the high temperature she shivers, goosebumps erupting across her bare arms. She still waves him off when he offers her his jacket.

At least until it starts to rain.

It’s nothing major, just a late summer drizzle. But it might become more, so he’s grateful when she huddles underneath the dark denim, resting it on top of her head to keep her arms free. And then they simply listen.

The clouds keep rolling in, the sky growing darker each second. Both it and the wet pavement are slate gray now, but the leaves are vivid green and the air smells like warmth and earth. Max’s head drifts back and forth, seeking the sounds, zeroing in on the heaviest droplets as they hit the asphalt. His too-big jacket hangs like a curtain around her, shielding her from rain and darkness alike.

Actually, no. Just the rain. She wards off the darkness on her own. Her sunshine-yellow shirt, her flame-orange hair, her smoke-white skin, so pale it’s almost translucent, the veins running fluorescent on the insides of her wrists.

She’s glowing like a candle.

“Thanks,” she says. “For being my eyes today.”

“No problem. Thanks for making me finally use this again.” He kicks at his board, the wheels spinning slowly.

“I want to skate at the park or the lot later. When I’m ready.”

“Sure. I’ll be there.”

Max nods, a small smile on her face. Untangling her crossed legs, she pulls them to her chest to rest her chin on her knees.

“Have you heard what Dustin’s been researching?”

“No, what?”

“Well. He has a theory,” she says, and Jonathan actually snorts at her imitation, both expression and cadence a perfect copy of Dustin’s, “on human echolocation.”

Jonathan draws a breath. “Human… echolocation.”

“He thinks that, by studying echoes or whatever, I can learn where things are by snapping my fingers, or doing this,” she says and clicks her tongue. “So, I guess that’s a backup in case that doctor won’t make it work with the surgery.”

“How’s it going with that?”

“I dunno. They’re ‘figuring it out’.” Max makes a face that tells exactly what she thinks of that. “Guess, right now, Dustin Henderson is my best bet.”

She shrugs, her lips curving into a smile’s likeness. The lines around her mouth and shadows by her eyes make her appear both impossibly old and unbearably young. She sniffles, which might be due to the cold, might be something else.

Jonathan says, “His success-to-failure ratio is in your favor.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she says, now smiling for real again.

Anything else they might have to say is cut short by the appearance of Steve’s BMW. It hasn’t been two hours yet, not even one and a half, but the rain is starting to come down harder, so they stow away the items in the trunk to make space for Jonathan and drive off.

The Beemer smells like pine and expensive leather. Steve has the heat on high and the stereo low, and together with the rain smattering on the windows, it creates an ambiance one could fall asleep to. Jonathan sinks into the backseat, draping his jacket over his legs for the sake of the seats, although he’s pretty sure they’ve been through worse things than rainwater. In the front, Max’s pointer finger squeaks against the misted-over window, and as Freddie Mercury sings about losing his way in the darkness, she draws perfect flowers and suns despite not being able to see them.

#*throws this at you* HERE TAKE IT #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #jonathan byers #max mayfield #my writing #editing isn't quite up to standard but whatever

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pheonixkenny · 8 months ago

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Since I’ve been playing the SP video games a lot lately I thought I’d introduce you to my New Kid! Her name is Alex. I thought I’d give her a gender-neutral name to go with the whole “ambiguous gender” thing she’s got going on. (I’m ignoring “Dovakin” because that’s not a name you give to a girl.) And yes, I said “her”, my new kid is a girl. I based her a lot on me, since the new kid is basically a self insert character anyways. So I gave her my gender, sexuality, religion, even made her look kinda like me. I have a lot of headcanons for her that I’ll list under the cut.

Alex has selective mutism, so she doesn’t talk much. She does know ASL, but none of the other SP characters do, so that doesn’t help her communicate with them. She carry’s around a notepad and a pen with her to write what she wants to say. She also just texts people to talk, even if they’re only a few feet away.

She’s friends with pretty much everyone in town, but the people she’s closest to are; Wendy (because she knows her true gender and didn’t out her. So she trusts her.), Kenny (they bond over being the only people in town with real superpowers.), and Butters (the first friend she ever made in South Park. Plus, he’s a sweetheart.)

Like me, Alex is a lesbian. Her and Kenny like to talk about hot girls together.

She does eventually trust Kenny with her real gender identity. She figures she owes him that since she knows his big secret. (He’s immortal.) Kenny’s kinda surprised and it’s a little awkward at first because he doesn’t really hang out with girls who aren’t his little sister, but he eventually realizes she’s still the same person she was before and they fall back into their regular dynamic. (They have a brother/sister dynamic after that. Since Kenny does say you remind him of his sister.) Besides, he kinda gets it. He played Princess Kenny, Alex can be King Douchebag if she wants to.

Part of the reason why she hid her gender from everyone (besides the government.) is that she just wanted to play Stick of Truth with the guys. It looked fun.

She does like to do some girly stuff with Wendy too though, since she doesn’t get to very often. So once in a while they’ll turn on a rom com or princess movie and give each other makeovers. (Though Butters is sometimes also down for a good princess movie.)

She doesn’t tell Butters about her gender identity. She likes him but the boy is not great at keeping a secret.

Even though she doesn’t show it, she cares deeply for all her friends. They’re the first ones she’s ever had. (It turns out online followers are different than real friends.)

Doesn’t know how to feel about Eric Cartman. On the one hand, he did bring her into the Stick of Truth game and taught her a lot in it. On the other hand, he did kidnap her parents, so she’s pretty mad about that.

If/when the South Park gang get the government off her back for good. (I know they probably could. I doubt there’s anything these guys can’t do at this point.) Alex gets the most emotional that anyone has ever seen her. It actually kinda freaks them out. She then comes clean about her real gender identity since she doesn’t need to worry about being tracked. Everyone kinda reacts with an “ah, that explains some things.” attitude. Cartman’s really the only one who has a problem with it.

#this got long I apologize #south park #south park new kid #south park the fractured but whole #the stick of truth #south park oc

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checkergoat · 1 year ago

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South park Headcanons: main 4

• When Kenny parents argue and gets a little too violent, Him and siblings sneak out of the house and either walks around the city, or snesk into Kyle rooms when Sheila and Gerald are asleep

• When stan in high school, Randy makes him drops out and have him work with him at the farm

• every time the boys are hanging out at stan house and Sharon said Stanley instead of stan Eric cartman for no reason makes fun of him

• If Butter parents grounded to the point that he's has to miss school either Kyle or Kenny would bring him his homework

• After the Leslie incident, Kyle stays off the internet more

• In Cupid ye, Stan tried to hangout with Clyde more, to tried to make Kyle jealous (It's didn't work)

• Kenny, Kyle, Stan and all have matching bracelets, but they hide it from cartman

• On Kyle contacts list, he change Cartman name to pig

• Butters and Kenny are both autistic and they both have special interesting to bluey

• Cartman tricks Butters into watching scary movies

• Every autumn Kenny broughts the fantastic Mr.fox dvd from Kyle so he can distract Karen as Carol and Stuart argue

• Once Butters is older probably high school or middle school, he starts to talk about his problems and issues he has with his parents to either Kenny or father maxi

• Eric cartman watches CaptainSparklez and he said that's he an OG fan and would argue with anyone who says he isn't or questions him

• Stan and Kyle collect and trade Pokemon cards

• Butters, Kenny, and Dougie play hello kitty island adventure

• Kenny dad make Kenny and Kevin go fishing with him, but it always become a disaster like Kenny drowning, Kevin is arguing his Stuart, or both

• Kyle knows about a little bit about fixings computers because he sometimes watches CS Ghost Animation

SPOILER FOR STICK OF TRUTH (in a way)

•After the betrayal of what princess Kenny done, they banished her and Clyde to space and time

BOOM! I made a post about my South park headcannons

#kyle brovlofski #stan marsh #south park #kenny mccormick #south park headcanons #eric cartman

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stella-videntis · 6 months ago

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Headcanons -- ...with Butters

From my perspective, I feel that she would have a strong bond with Butters and see him as a treasured friend.

He is Sweet. Good-natured. Meek. Innocent. Sensitive. Effeminate. Idealistic. Precocious. A bit socially awkward. Even apologizing for things that aren't even his fault. It is because of these traits that he is regularly humiliated, harassed, bullied, manipulated, and exploited by damn near everyone — especially Cartman — in addition to being the only child of his two Abusive Parents, Stephen and Linda. And yet, Butters can still grow a spine and stand up for himself at the most unexpected of moments. There have been times where he would deliver voice of reason, even when people thought he was far too naive to be taken seriously to begin with.

In a world known for idiotic sociopaths, Butters is probably the most endearingly nice boy among them, helping and saving the people he cares for and even people who hate him and want him to suffer. This is also the same boy who sunk an ocean liner with a golf ball, burned down the school gym, became a professional pimp, led a Mexican revolution, recreated Imaginationland from scratch, verbally (and rightfully) torn his abusive grandmother a new asshole, punched his father in the balls, and got revenge on Cartman. As eccentric as he is, He is not afraid to unleash his darkside when pushed hard enough; he hardened himself over time, becoming more opinionated and bolder. Butters normally doesn't hold any hard feelings towards anyone, including his parents who treat him poorly and even his grandmother who terrorizes him.

He remains an idealist -- who should be commended for remaining so -- after the world tries its hardest to give him reasons not to be. And yes, he's done a lot of screwed up things. (It's South Park -- who hasn't?)

Crendessa would be drawn to him by this fact, from his aura alone. With what she experiences and endures in silence, she feels that she would not only learn a lot from him, but she would become his silent protectorate against those who would dare harm him. Whenever he's grounded for any reason, she would do whatever it takes to make it easier for him while he's locked away in his room, resorting to her magic if need be. She would confide in him for nearly everything and practically be inseparable from him. He would be probably the only person that knows her real name. In turn, she would be one of the handfuls (if less) people to call him by his actual first name, or Leo for short.

However, when he is Professor Chaos, she would not have it in her to be his enemy nor work with him, even after figuring out his identity from the jump by reading his aura. Whether Crendessa is in her civilian form or heroine form, she would remain neutral to sides for this very reason. She'd rather remain in her civilian form and try to talk him down from his 'evil antics', although her involvement with him in any form would be a problem.

Either way, Crendessa would do whatever it takes to be by him, and have him in her life.

#|| Crendessa's HCs ||#south park #sp butters #butters stotch #leopold butters stotch #south park oc #south park fandom

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themadsquirrel09 · 6 months ago

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Tug-of-war

Fandom ☆ South Park

Ship ☆ KenMan ♡ KenEric (Eric Cartman x Kenny McCormick)

Characters ☆ Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Liane Cartman, Mr. Kitty. A bit of Mr. Mackey, Wendy Testaburger, Kyle Broflovski and Butters.

Rating ☆ M

Summary ☆ One impulsive action can make the difference in the game of life and death.

Warnings ☆ Non-explicit adult themes, blood, swearing. They are kids here (11): it is mostly care, angst and fluffiness.

About it ☆ This fanfic works as a one shot, it is also part of an AU I’m writing in no specific order. I’m still trying to choose the name °u°’’’

☆ 3362 words ☆

With love: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Stan

“Here comes a candle to light you to bed.

Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.”

I hate this house, screw this!

From the backyard, I still can hear the moans, the thuds, shit! I try to climb fast and get into the clubhouse; when I finally do, Mr. Kitty greets me.

“This place is a mess, but good enough for one night, Kitty.” Something between a purr and a meow is his reply. I made a run for it as soon as I got home and heard them, but I knew this happened before; that it would happen again (and again), so there’s a mini fridge and a sleeping bag here.

I search into my backpack for a distraction. All I have is food, a few books and, yes! My PSP! I smile at it but, when I hold it, my view gets blurred. I have to wipe the tears from the screen.

Fuck, like my day isn’t shitty enough already! That PSP reminds me that I have Kenny’s will memorized. I asked for a copy to his lawyer, and read it over and over again, looking for something that I could use to get my way while he was in a coma. Now I know every word by heart.

I toss the PSP on the sleeping bag. Fucking Liane , she is the one to blame, because I can’t blame myself without breaking down and lately I just can’t get mad at Kenny.

“Goddammit!” I curse choked into sobs until I hear a noise, it is Mr. Kitty coming towards me at full speed, purring loudly. He pushes his head right into my hand; cats have funny faces, it makes me chuckle and calms me down.

I grab some snacks, go for a Mountain Dew, and lean on the window frame; maybe to distract myself from what is happening inside the house, I think about Kenny, do you feel that way? Or were you just pissed at me because of something I did?

I replay in my head those words meant for me.

Eric, I never really liked you. But then, nobody does. You have no ability to feel, and you are going to die alone and miserable. It is only because I feel so sorry for you that I leave you my Sony PSP.

He calls me Eric. Even if sometimes I feel like I say his name over and over again, like a fucking parrot, he almost never does the same. I guess it means nothing, but why do I like it when he does that?

That question makes me uneasy, so I go back to the will and get pissed. If you don't like me, then why do you feel so sorry for me? And then you let me have your only valuable possession... you know that you will come back to life, right? But maybe he thinks I don't.

“Kenny.” I go wide-eyed because I wasn’t expecting to say his name out loud, then I take a step back when I hear his voice calling me back! I peek through the window as if I’m going to find him outside. What I see is the snow covered in blood; I can feel the liquid dripping from my hair. When I blink, it is all gone.

My heart hammers fast, but after a moment it slows down until it stops completely . Some weird sense of warmth comes to me. It surrounds me and gives me peace, then I feel it ascend; I look up just in time to see a shooting star, an impossibly big one. I feel my heart start again.

Shit, I better go the fuck to sleep.

Instead, I sit on the sleeping bag and take the PSP; when I touch it, I feel like Kenny for a second. By now I’m used to it, since that time his soul was stuck in my body, this happens sometimes. I wonder: what is he doing right now? , but to get my head out of that, out of everything, I play until I fall asleep with the PSP in my hands.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The only reason I talk to Liane the next day is because I need her to sign my permit and give me food, but I can barely listen to her lies, or even look at her as she showers me with unwanted affection.

I struggle my way out as quickly as I can and, maybe because of that, I’m the first one to make it to the bus stop. I'm pissed and sleepy so, when I hear footsteps, I prepare to shit on whoever is daring to cross my way but, well, fuck . Kenny’s big orbs lay on me.

“Hi, Eric.” I try to avoid his gaze, but I can’t. Does he go at a slower pace today?

“Hey, Kenny.” My voice comes out hoarse, I didn’t get inside the sleeping bag yesterday.

“Dude, are you ok?” Do you really care, or are you just feeling sorry for me again? And he appears to be fragile, but is probably the only kid who could have had a worse night, and still asks me if I’m ok.

“Hey, dudes!” Stan must have drunk an extra shot if he is so happy, that’s good, distracting. Soon Kyle joins us, but I’m so tired I can barely take my anger out on him.

Since today we have this stupid school trip, I sleep most of the way; when I do, I have this nightmare:

I’m standing in a puddle of blood. I move out of the way, but there is blood everywhere and, little by little, paralyzed by fear, I see how the thick dark liquid fills the space; when it reaches my ankles, I panic and start running.

It seems like I go nowhere and, exhausted, I fall on my knees. What is it about this blood that’s so hypnotizing? I can’t stop looking, but when it is reaching my elbows, I hear crying and snap out of it: realizing I'm about to drown, I throw myself back. That’s when I see something emerging from this dark lake.

I get close, and take him in my arms: it’s Kenny, his eyes are shut, his mouth is open, red flows out of the corner of his lips.

All this blood, it pours out of him.

“Kenny, wake up.” I try to clean his face with my sleeve. Useless . “Wake up, damn it.” I see his eyes twitch. The sobs turn into a sweet song, a light sound I can barely distinguish. I try to find the source, but it seems like it comes from everywhere.

While I wasn’t looking, Kenny somehow got out of my grip: he is now floating in front of me and, just for a split second, I see the huge wings that hold him up. The blood now reaches my belly button, I get a hold of his wrists and try to pull him close.

“Wake up!”

With that last scream, I wake up, sweating, buried in Kenny’s arm, clinging tightly to his parka. We lock eyes. What the fuck, am I still dreaming? There’s a warm light that surrounds him. We remain like that for a second and all I’m doing is trying not to cry.

“Hey, it’s ok, I’m here.” Weird. Those simple whispered words it’s all I need to hear and I’m able to breathe again. When he places his hand on mine, I remember where we are and sit up quickly, but my hand holds on. I feel him squeezing lightly, then he lets go, and the bus stops.

“Why are we visiting a lame-ass national park, again!?” I complain about it as I make sure to stay close to Kenny. He seems much more into this stuff than I do and it takes just a minute, while I convince Butters that some flower is edible, for him to disappear.

“Kenny?” Where the hell did you go? He is out of sight, but I walk like I know the way, like something—someone?—is calling me. A few minutes later, with the strong wind whistling and rumbling, I see the blond boy kneeling among lilac flowers. His body is turned away from me. He faces the abyss.

I get close without him noticing, when I’m just a few steps away, I feel as if thunder growls under my feet. Without even thinking, I run towards Kenny, grab him by the backpack, and yank him with all my might. The floor crumbles.

Part of the ground is swallowed by the depths, but we are both safe. I fell on my butt and Kenny lies unconscious. I drag him away from the shattered floor and, for a moment, all I feel is my heart pounding. The chunk of earth we were standing on is gone and Kenny should be dead (again), but he isn’t. Because of me?

I glance at him and his face twitches, it seems like he is about to regain consciousness. I panic and run. I don’t know why, but I run until I’m breathless.

After a while, I feel like throwing up, fainting, maybe both. I stumble and grab onto something, shutting my eyes so the world will stop spinning. Two things happen at the same time: on one side, I feel better, like a weight is lifted from my shoulders; on the other side, I hear the violent and very familiar sound of puking, it comes from right beside me.

It is Stan who emptied his stomach. What? Did Stan just throw up for me? Even if it seems impossible, it feels like it.

So I ran to the other kids and grabbed Stan's hand without noticing. He lets me keep doing that while he tells Wendy he is alright. I steady myself, we glimpse at each other and smile, then I let go of him. He doesn’t know what just happened, but why else would he do this for me? The rest of the trip, I keep smiling like an idiot, feeling like I did something I really like. Back on the bus, I can’t help but flinch when Kenny sits beside me and rests upon me those tired, bright eyes.

“What is it, poor boy, did you see a ghost?”

“No, but I almost became one,” he mutters and I pretend I didn’t hear him.

“What did you say?” I reply, teasing, I know Kenny gets frustrated when people can’t understand him. He squints at me and I almost feel him inspecting my soul. Why can’t I just look away? Fuck.

“I said: thanks dude, your face looks like shit too!” He leans towards me, and I feel myself leaning backwards. “What were you doing last night?” I scoff, amused.

“If you want me to answer that, Kenny, then you have to tell me first, what were you doing last night?” He blinks, taken aback. I can finally avert my gaze and smile smugly. I got him.

“Whatever, like I care!” He says and it stings a little, however I can’t just tell him what happened. It seems like he feels the same.

This pisses me off.

Fuck it, I’ll just tell him! But, when I look at my side, I find Kenny is sleeping. I pull him by the parka, so his head lands on my shoulder, then I close my eyes and lean on him. I fall deep in a dream of a memory:

The moon peeks through the window and illuminates the room, but my view gets blurred by the—oh, so expected—tears. This time there’s something different, though: the soul of a joyful boy is trapped in my body.

“What’s the matter? It can’t be that you are crying.” Shit . Listening to my voice in that sweet-toned ring just makes me cry harder. “Dude?” He insists and I can feel his worry running through my skin. I breathe, trying to calm down.

“It’s stupid. I cry at night because I don’t have a dad.” I feel my face warming up at the embarrassing confession. Kenny takes control of my left hand; he reaches for my right hand and holds it softly.

“It’s ok. I’m here.” I smile.

Those words seem to unfold as I wake up. I have to check if it was Kenny the one who said that right now, but I see that he is still asleep, we are still leaning on each other. Nobody can know that he looks cute to me at this instant, that I can't help but press myself against him just for a second before I struggle to upright swiftly.

I get paranoid about it, but the other kids are talking, screaming and playing. Nobody saw us . I turn, find Kenny’s sleepy gaze already on me and smile nervously. It feels exactly like when I do something bad: I’m afraid I’ll get caught. I have to fill the silence.

“Man, if I knew that trip was so lame, I would have stayed home.” I lie, I would have rather died. I shield myself with my backpack not knowing exactly what I’m searching for, so I take out the PSP and, when I do, it feels like those times Kenny is about to show himself as a ghost. My breath hitches and I feel cold; even if it is him, ghosts creep me out.

“Oh dude, I haven’t played that in so long!” He doesn’t seem to notice, though.

“Check it out, Kenny, I’m already on level 42,” I say as I hand the PSP to him.

“Are you getting your ass kicked or what?”

“Yeah. No matter how much I reinforce the gate, they keep getting in.” Suddenly, we are closer than expected and he shows me the way. We get so distracted by talking and playing, that I barely notice we are back in South Park, but when I do, I swallow hard. If I get home and the same that happened yesterday goes down, I might lose my shit and murder someone. Maybe I will kill myself. That’d be the best .

“If I stay at your place, we can beat this in just a couple of hours, you know? We can also repair our clubhouse a bit, it’s a cool place to hang out,” Kenny says, smiling. Why would you want to stay with me? Are you just feeling sorry for me again? Wait. Did I say that out loud? I’m about to panic, but he gives me a look like he is clueless. “What is it, you had other plans?”

Other plans? I see my corpse lying on the floor and I burst into laughter. I laugh not to cry and because it is too funny. It is impossible that someone like this exists! At first, he asks me what is it, but after a while, maybe because of how much I’m kicking, wheezing, struggling to breathe, he starts to laugh too; at me? Sure, but I don’t care right now.

“Eric Cartman! I said this is your stop, mmk?”

“Calm the fuck down!” I get to say between laughs, “I’m going, ok?” I stand up and turn to see the blond offering back the PSP, but instead of taking it, I grab him by the arm and pull him. He comes with me.

As Kenny said, it only takes us a couple of hours to finish the game, then we start to fix the clubhouse a bit.

“Dude?”

“Kenny?”

“Do you have a crush on Stan?” I feel my gut dropping.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I saw you holding hands; you guys look cute together.” Why does hearing him say that makes me feel like shit? I put the tools aside and go for the door. He follows.

“Cartman?”

“Shut up, Kenny!” I snap, turning to scream in his face, but when I do, I accidentally step on Mr. Kitty’s tail. He hisses, bites me and I back away. Being so close to the entrance, I lose my balance.

About to fall from the tree, I reach for Kenny and he gets to grab me by the arm. For an instant, I see in him that determined expression he usually has when he is Mysterion. He throws himself back pulling me, so I fall inside the clubhouse, but land on top of him.

“Fuck!” I get off of Kenny as quickly as I can, he gasps for air. I was crushing him! “Kenny?” He smiles, trying to be reassuring, but he is having a fit of cough, so I grab him, sit him up and get him something to drink. He holds his chest with his eyes closed; the coughs mellow as he breathes deeply. I just look at him. Kenny’s hood is off and it is not every day that I get to see his whole face. Do you really have to hide all the time?

“Dude!” He exclaims after finally drinking a bit of the Dr Pepper. “I almost died.” And it wouldn’t be the first time today.

“It’s your fault!”

“Fuck you!” He says to my face playful, and I find myself incapable of insulting him back. “We are ok now, right? I just saved your ass.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“About what I said: I don’t care who you like. Let me know if you need a wingman.” I stare at my hands and remember how they reached for Kenny this morning. Did I save his life? Well, he just did the same for me. “Cartman?”

“What? Oh, yeah. I’ll let you know.”

“Cool,” he says, then he gets into the sleeping bag. “Goodnight.” Kenny falls asleep in a heartbeat. You are even more tired than I am, aren’t you? But I feel restless and keep wondering:

“What were you doing last night?” I ask him under my breath. There is no answer. I sit beside the sleeping bag and imagine we are some kind of warriors; I’m the one standing guard, maintaining a protective field with my wizard powers.

I see Kenny’s matches on the floor. He probably dropped them when we fell. I take them, go to the window, and after declaring the area is enemy-free, I light one. What kind of kid looks so happy just by watching the fire?

Kenny’s will surface on my mind as the fire goes out on its own: Eric, I never really liked you. But then, nobody does. Then what are you doing here? Why would you want to be my wingman?

I light another match.

You have no ability to feel, and you are going to die alone and miserable.

I kind of wish I could agree about me having no ability to feel, then I remember his hand reaching for mine in that dream of a memory I had today.

“Shit!” The fire burns my fingers and I let go of the match, which falls onto the snow.

I turn to look at Kenny. He sleeps curled up like a stray kitten. Dying alone and miserable, huh? Who else but you would know how that feels?

I get close and kneel beside him, then I light another match. Funny; I’ve seen his face illuminated by fire so many times the image is stuck with me.

It is only because I feel so sorry for you that I leave you my Sony PSP.

“You make no sense.” My mumbled words blow out the match. You make no sense, but neither do I! I can’t even put a finger on what made me pull him away from the abyss today.

I smile at the thought of it, maybe I just didn’t want to be alone, on the bus, at the house. My eyes go to the floor, I feel like crying, but a sudden yank makes me gasp as I fall forward; Kenny is pulling me by the arm.

“Eric.” He looks at me with half-lidded eyes, “Fucking sleep.” He commands groggily. I frown at him, he lets out a soft chuckle, and I get into the sleeping bag, wondering: for how long has he been pulling me away from falling to my end?

❅──────✧⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅•̩̩͙꙳⋆✧────── ☆ ──────✧⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅•̩̩͙꙳⋆✧──────❅

This is (definitely) not the end.

⋆✧────── ☆ ──────✧⋆

Final notes 🖊️

🧡 I love this ship so much ❤️

Did you enjoy reading it? It sure was an amazing and weird experience writing this 🌠 It took me a lot of time mostly because I edit until my eyes bleed =u= (I started writing it and had the 1st draft on January lol)

A little of context ☆ The paranormal connection between Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick is one of the main reasons I adore this ship. Eric says he sees through Kenny's eyes and feels like him on S06E12 ∣ A Ladder to Heaven; then Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's body for almost a month.

The crying at night thing is also from the show, Eric confesses that on S11E08 ∣ Le Petit Tourette.

All kinds of support are really appreciated! ♡

If you want to help me keep writing, you can buy me a coffee here ☕

You can also commission me, here you have the info 💌

#kenny mccormick #eric cartman #keneric #kenman #cw swearing #cw blood #sp fanfiction #squeethelines

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celiastjamesoscar · 1 year ago

Note

Hi Grace, please know that you never need to apologize for answering "late" and taking your time. ESPECIALLY when you are sick. It's completely fine!!

Help not the crockpot 😭 Frank is testing it out for her next victim... she took inspiration from you watching Saw. You better watch out now...BUTTERS!!! THAT'S SUCH AN ADORABLE NAME AND DOG!! He's such a sweetheart, he is allowed to hate your sleeves. Who knows what they did to him when you weren't looking. Frank, Butters and Stinky. That are the best names ever!!! I love them so much because they seem so fitting to the owners personality.

You coming home to Frank

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJE5cRVj/

Oh yes you definitely need to let me know what you think!! Scream Queens is my entire life, my love, my everything. If I wasn't a Franktian already I would make Scream Queens my religion with Chanel as my God.

That "poor baby Nike" instigated a small fight between Sam and Buda, one of our other dogs, so she isn't as innocent and poor as you think!

I hope you will feel much better soon and be back to your normal healthy self!

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJE5kfmQ/

Here is a bloody Sam to help you feel better

This cold is completely kicking my ass rn to be completely honest 😭

Frank is the cat version of Jigsaw and no one will be able to change my mind. She definitely has a few traps up her sleeve. THANK YOU!!! I named him after the South Park character’Butters’! He is such a doll whenever he isn’t terrorizing sleeves. You don’t have to lie about Stinky’s name, it’s a bad one, I know 😭 I let my brother name one of the animals, and he chose ‘Stinky’

Surprisingly, I’m the only one that Frank doesn’t welcome with hostility. However, if she hasn’t met you before, that is exactly how she will react

I’m honestly excited to start Scream Queens! I understand your dedication to Chanel, anything for Emma Roberts!!!

Nike can do absolutely no wrong, Sam or Buda probably started it first. I haven’t heard much about Buda, what are they like?

Thank you love!! I’m feeling a bit better than I was yesterday, but I still feel like shit 😭

SAM IS THE CURE TO AILMENTS!!! ESPECIALLY BLOODY SAM!!

#bender chats #clexa is forever ♾️

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joohazxx · 2 months ago

Text

☆——welcome to infinite entertainment! it's SONG JOOHA, who is the MAIN VOCALIST OF INDIGO. i’ve heard whispers that the 23 year old is pretty HARDWORKING but lowkey CLUMSY. also, doesn’t he remind you of PARK WONBIN?

hello hello! yes it is emma (eden, & danbi mun) again, coming at you with a revamped child of mine, jooha! i’ve got a small stats page HERE and a pinterest page HERE that i will continue to update as i flesh him out a little more. anyway, pls love him && pls like this if you’d like to plot with him and i will come to you! okok thanks :D

Some stuff to know about Jooha:

born & raised in new york. grew up in a very happy family of 6.

he has two older sisters and one much younger sister, making him one of the middle children, but his mother made sure he never felt left out or forgotten. actually, since his sisters had such big personalities compared to him she probably showered him with a little more love to encourage him to come out of his shell.

very bright kid. loved school especially reading & writing bc he liked the fantasy worlds he read about in books but what he really liked was to sing. he found it to be a fun outlet and often participated in school talent shows and school plays. he was always told he should pursue it but he thought people were just being kind.

one summer he went on vacation to south korea to stay with his grandparents like they always did. during their stay their cousin planned to audition for an entertainment company. all his older sisters and him audition just so their cousin wouldn’t feel alone. it was all for funsies for them, not thinking anything would come of it......jooha was the only one who passed.

jooha wanted to go back home. he didn’t think he’d be happy away from his family. after all, he was only 14 at the time, but his grandparents convinced him to stay. and in part he didn’t want to regret not seeing where this could lead.

fun facts!

hobbies include: playing guitar, solving puzzles & playing with legos, pottery

has often played guitar on stage as part of performances

has 2 pet betta fish. he named them peanut & butter

easily flustered!!

chronically online. yes hes keeping up with all the memes and ariana drama. but is also always posting tiktoks on indigos account. think anton from riize.

bites nails when anxious & rambles when nervous...so like all the time dkslkj

likes watching the rain. calms him down

on his free days he likes to ride his bike or skateboard around bc he cant drive :/ someone teach him pls

loves getting notifications from the gossip blog. they make him laugh...unless theyre about him.

appearance wise i see him like THIS with longer shaggy hair. i see him putting it up in a bun or pony. i can see his stylist putting pretty clips or rhinestones in it sometimes

noticeable changes from before:

same soft bby...just a lil more unhinged

#infinite:intro

0 notes

itsbigbirdintime · 2 years ago

Text

@superwholockian309 made this! :D

#butters #yes i named him after butters from south park #dog #crochet

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falloutjay · 3 years ago

Note

Stan x anxious/compassionate reader (kind of has a little canon divergence)

After giving up on Wendy (around Season 12), Stan and us start dating, we were always worried about him (no we weren't dating him out of pity, we were just a very anxious person). Some people find of clingy, others find us adorable but We've never left his side:

Ex: We were by his side helping with whales (Whale W)

We were the only one who didn't leave him when he got depression (You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers)

Next to Heidi, we became social pariah because we didn't want to dump Stan (this even made Wendy guilty)

But him moving, really gets to us, the coronavirus makes it worse. We get worried about him, then we start getting worried about everyone else as everything falls apart (Kyle, Kenny, Eric, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Scott, etc.) And we pass out of stress. About waking up in the hospital, we find out, everyone was worried about us. And Stan is the most worried of all, he spends the whole day with us. We tal-no vent about all the happened to the both of us. By the end of it, we agree that whatever happens we'll do it together.

Guess whos back! :D

Well, while it's not my best work, in my humble opinion, I sure hope you enjoy and like it. Again sorry for the delay! ಥ_ಥ

And if it's not that clear, because I know I can write a little cryptic, there is a time skip. You can either have all the show events happen when they are children and have the time skip between Covid and the memories or between you getting together as kids and the memories. Choose however you like! ^^

_________________________________________

Stan x anxious!compassionate!Reader

Tiny eyes watched the scene unfold.

Normally, Wendy was the one to break up with Stan, but not this time around. Stan was actually telling Wendy that he had no interest in her anymore.

“What changed Stan?” Wendy asked, obviously confused.

“I think I like someone else… I don’t know yet…”

Wendy gave him a smile.

“I wish you all the luck Stan, say if you need anything!”

“I will.” And with that, Wendy took off to be with her friends, while Stan turned a corner and told Kyle and Kenny how it went.

Cartman was there too, but he only wanted to know if she cried, because “she would deserve it.”.

You closed your locker and felt your heartbeat like crazy. Ever since you changed school a few months ago, Stan captured your little ten-year-old mind.

He was kind and showed you around when you had no idea where to go. It was a little crush you developed, and you never felt as scared and excited as now, since that Stan had broken off with Wendy.

This newfound feeling almost made you dizzy but you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Stan asked and waited patiently for his answer next to you.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking, what did you want?”

“Would you maybe like to hang out some time?”

Stan almost got a heart attack when you suddenly squealed but was happy when you managed to get a high-pitched “YES!” out.

“Okay, what are you betting Kenny? Some Pennies or a dead rat?” Cartman almost fell from his chair laughing about his shitty joke, while Kyle and Kenny rolled their eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how clingy they are?” Kyle asked his blonde friend, while they kept watching you and Stan, who were seated at a separate table at lunch.

“Honestly, I think it’s pretty cute.” Kenny said with his muffled voice.

You held his arm and hugged him from the side, while he happy kept on eating his lunch.

Eric, who had now calmed down from his laugh attack eyed the couple critically. “I’m giving them a month max.”

He said lazily and looked around. “I say longer than a year.” Kenny said, throwing a crinkled five-dollar note on the table.

“You two are horrible.” Kyle shook his head before he threw 10 dollars on the table.

“Four months.”

Kenny was a happy man after a year, because despite everyone believing you two would eventually break up, you never did.

You were always by his side, no matter what.

His desire to desperately save whales with the help of a braindead ship crew?

You were always right by his in the interviews he gave.

His horrible depression that even drove Kyle away? No chance, you stood strong and helped him through the whole thing and even help reuniting the gang.

Even during the protest against Skanthunt42, you chose to sit this one out, despite you absolutely hating that the troll photoshopped a dick into your mother’s mouth.

At least you and Heidi got close due to you guys both becoming social outcasts. When Wendy heard this, she was impressed by your dedication and felt somewhat guilty for obviously not trying as much in her former relationship.

Everyone admired your patience and endurance. No matter what obstacle came, you managed to get through it.

“You don’t need to be sad, Y/N. I won't be that far away.” Stan said, holding your hand.

“B-But it's outside of town. You need ages by bike to get there and vice versa.” You said, holding back tears.

Randy walked past you and you desperately pleaded to him.

“Please Mister Marsh, please stay in town!” Randy put the box he carried into the car, before turning to you.

“Real sorry, dear Y/N. This town is…How do I put it… Absolute shit and I really want to get away.”

He patted you on the head and went back into the house to get more boxes.

“Told you, you cant talk to him.” Stan said and shrugged.

“But it’s unfair. We won’t see each other as much anymore.” Stan pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

“Don’t. Worry. I will make time for you.”

With that in mind, you didn’t feel as sad, when the car with the Marsh Family in it left for their new home.

“I will make time for you, my ass.” You mumbled while you sat at a bench near Starks Pond. Letting out a deep sigh, you leaned back and just enjoyed the warmth of the setting sun.

Covid was one hell of a bitch and just had to have this big impact on everyone’s life. Stan and you now saw each other less and less.

It was just a horrible feeling that tainted your heart and made you worry a lot.

Maybe he was feeling just as bad as you are, maybe even more?

Maybe he just didn’t want to tell you how he felt?

Were you maybe a bad partner? Your mind began racing and your train of thoughts became unrailed.

So many bad thoughts manifested themselves and it made you almost gasp for air.

“I need to check on him.” You mumbled getting up from the park bench.

You began walking and you kind of hoped that maybe just the walking would get your mind in check, but sadly it didn’t. Involuntarily you had to think about all the other stuff that happened during this horrible time.

The precious Broship was more fragile than ever. You had become such good friends with Kenny, Kyle and Cartman over time that it hurt you a lot too.

You also saw Covid take a toll on your other friends, like Craig and his group, who now took Cartman into their gang after the split up.

However, that came to be…

The girls were also pretty divided, so hanging out with them meant picking sides which wasn’t your thing, you kinda just want them to get along again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. Your parents had fights ever so often, all your friends had problems and your beloved boyfriend was stuck on that stupid farm.

God how you hated that stupid farm and Randy.

When he gave you one of those plushies that looked like him, you functioned it into a voodoo doll. But sadly, it didn’t seem to affect him, no matter how many needles you rammed into it.

Your heart felt heavy, and it seemed hard to breathe, but you brushed it aside.

You had already reached the busy streets of South Park and mingled between the newly vaccinated people.

Everywhere you looked, the people seemed happy.

Everyone was happy except you and the people around you… Maybe…You were the problem?

You shook your head. No, you didn’t allow those kinds of thoughts.

You much rather think about Stan. How you miss him and how amazing your dates were.

Oh, how much effort he put into all the small things… Well… At least he did.

Now that you thought about it when was your last date?

It feels like it had been ages. It has been ages. Everything had been ages. Going out with him, hanging out with your friends, your family not fighting… How long has this been the new normal? You can’t help but wonder.

Your heart clenched again. “Stop it, stupid heart.” You mumbled under your breath.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips when you thought about how you maybe had to walk all the way up to the farm… It would take ages, but you really craved being held by the person you adored so much.

So, you continued walking down through the street when an elder lady stopped you.

“Excuse me, but you look rather sickly, are you alright?” Confused you raised an eyebrow. Did the vaccines make them delusional?

“No, I’m fine.” You answered, somewhat snippy, even when you didn’t know why you were so agitated.

“But you look rather pale, maybe you- I am fine.” You interrupted her and continued your path.

Were all people in this shitty town stupid or- The thought could not be completed, due to you suddenly losing consciousness.

When you woke up again, you immediately recognized one of the Hells Pass Hospital rooms, once your eyes had adjusted to the bright lights. Around the bed were your parents and more importantly Stan and his mother.

“Thank God, you’re awake again!” Your mother said when she went for a hug.

Confused you asked why you were here.

“Well, seemingly you were so stressed out, that your body basically shut down.”

Somewhat shocked you looked around. Was it really a surprise to hear that? Not really, but it still felt odd knowing that it happened.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, Y/N.” Misses Marsh commented and smiled warmly at you. She had always liked you and you felt the same. She was always nice to you and you felt like she was the only one with a brain in the family…

Feeling a sudden sensation of warmness on your hand, your eyes darted down to it. Stan held you hand while answering something your dad had asked him.

“Well, Sharon, you wanna accompany us to get some hot chocolate for us all?”

Your mother said with an odd wink, which made you and Stan roll your eyes.

The three adults left the room chatting happily. Stan looked at you with a stern expression, which kind of surprised you.

“I swear, whenever I think I couldn’t get more worried about you, your parents call me, to tell me that you’re in the hospital.”

“Worried? About me? I should be worried about you?” You laughed to which Stan shook his head.

“Listen, everyone has been super worried about you since you seemed so down and just exhausted. Like, Kyle already called me earlier to ask if you’re awake again. I don’t know why you worry about me; I am really fine babe. Promise.”

With that said, the door opened, and your parents came back inside.

“Y/N, the doctor said they would like you to stay the night, so they can check that you’re really alright.” Your father informed you and you were immediately annoyed.

Well, you had no choice but to oblige. Your parents left after an hour, wanting to get you some clothes and other things you’d need.

Sharon also bids her goodbye and so you and Stan were left.

And just like you wished, you got to cuddle with him. He held you close, and you vented to him, how worried you were about everything and everyone, while he told you just how worried all of your friends had been since you were acting so out of character.

“Even Cartman?”

“Yup, even when he would never admit it.” Stan laughed. He held your hand tight, and his content smile never left his face.

“I think we should talk more about feelings and being worried and all that. I know I’m not all that good at it, but I don’t ever wanna have to visit you in a hospital again.” Stan said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“That sounds good. But you gotta accept, I worry a lot, because I care a lot about you, okay?” You said sternly and Stan nodded. You two looked fondly at each other and just enjoyed the time you got.

“Together forever?” You asked and he whispered “Forever.”, before he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips.

#south park x reader #stan x reader #stan marsh x reader

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stupidjewkyle · 4 years ago

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request from @im-just-star-dust

cartman x reader

my friend, eric- part 1

TW: abusive parents (mostly verbal abusive, no physical abuse) please don’t read before and after the ‘*’ mark if this is triggering to you. thank you :)

NOTE: this is set in 7th grade, they are all 12 and 13

y/n pov:

my whole life, i’ve been quiet. every school i went to, i was known as “the quiet kid.” growing up, i never had many friends. i mean, how could you even make friends without talking to them. and even if i made a friend, it wouldn’t last long cause of how much i move. my parents work in...a strange business. drug dealers. they’re always scared of getting caught, so we move once every 4-6 months. i hate my life. i hate my parents. i hate not being able to speak up about anything. i never get to have a say in anything that happens in my life. for example, today my parents decided to move again. since we have quite a bit of extra money to use, i asked to move to hawaii, or a nice place like that. they laughed and then handed me a paper with the moving information. 467 cliff drive, south park, CO, USA ‘you have to be fucking kidding me.’ i mumbled. “what’s wrong with south park?” my dad said. “it’s not a very known town, so we would be safe there. we could probably stay there for at least a year and a half.” “now you could finally make friends!” my mom said smiling. i rolled my eyes.

“you know what? if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, just go to your room and start packing. i don’t wanna hear anymore shit from you. got it?” my dad said, pulling me by my hair.

i wanted to say something so bad. but i was scared. i turned around and started walking upstairs.

1 week later

we were finally here. south park wasn’t as bad as i thought it was gonna be.

i haven’t left my house since we got here. all

the kids in my neighborhood are always outside, i cant risk them seeing me. i don’t want to meet them. i’m too scared to talk. they might think i’m weird. i just can’t risk anything. plus, school starts tomorrow. i don’t want anything to be anymore awkward than it is for me on the first day.

cartman pov:

i woke up early like normal. i got dressed, like normal. i talked to my stupid bitch mom, like normal. i walked to the bus stop, like normal.

“god why is everything so fucking boring all of a sudden?? has it always been like this??” i said while standing next to kyle and kenny.

kyle glanced at cartman. “yes, it’s always been like this fatass. i don’t see a problem with it though. it’s nice to have a routine-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP KYLE. JESUS CHRIST YOURE MAKING IT WORSE.” cartman yelled at kyle.

“you know what? i’m leaving. there’s better and less stupid things to do than school.”

i started walking away from the bus stop. stupid fucking kyle always ruining my day.

i started walking to token’s house.

on the way there, i saw a girl walking down the street. she had y/h/c hair that went down to her elbows (sorry if your hair isn’t that length LMAO). it caught my attention. she was wearing baggy jeans, an oversized tye-dye t-shirt, and a pink un-zipped jacket on top. she looked so pretty and bothered while she walked.

“woah.” i said out loud.

“dude can u move? i need to get to school.” token said standing behind me.

“cant you see i’m busy token? just walk around me.”

“i would if you weren’t so fat!”

y/n pov:

shit! i think those two boys saw me. i need to get to class fast before they say anything to me!

after what felt like hours, i finally got to my class room. i walked up to the teacher and she assigned me to a desk. “go sit next to stan, he’ll tell you about the school.” i nodded my head.

“oh hi you must be the new girl.” stan said, holding his hand out for me to shake. i blushed and didn’t put my hand out. he looked confused. “okay then... meet me after 5th period and i’ll show you around.” he said sitting back down.

cartman pov:

time skip, lunch time

i sat down at my usual table with kenny, kyle, stan, butters, craig, jimmy, and scott malkinson.

“holy shit guys, did you see the new girl?” i said excitedly.

“oh yeah i did. i think her name is y/n? i’m not sure. she’s pretty hot tho.” kyle said taking a bite of his sandwich.

“fuck off kyle, she’s mine!” i yelled.

“woah calm down fatass. she’s not yours. she doesn’t even know who you are.” kyle replied.

“and i’m about to change that...” i said grinning.

y/n pov:

i sat down outside, alone. it’s only the first day, and i already made it weird. why couldn’t i just shake his hand? he’s probably telling everyone i’m an awkward, germaphobe who doesn’t talk.

i sighed and put my face in my arms.

“uh hi. your the new girl right?” a boy said looking down at me, his hands behind his back.

something about him made me feel..safe.

“um yeah... i’m y/n...” i said quietly.

“y/n... i like that name, it’s pretty. i’m eric, but most people call me cartman.” the boy said, sitting down next to me.

“well nice to meet you eric.” i didn’t know what else to say. i wanted to keep talking to him but i had nothing else to say.

“um... are you friends with stan?” i said, hoping we could continue talking.

cartman pov:

goddammit. she likes stan. great.

“oh yeah we’re friends. he uh has a girlfriend though in case you were wondering. i’m sorry.” i said.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY AM I BEING TO NICE TO HER?! WHY AM I BLUSHING AND SMILING?? AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH THAT SHE LIKES STAN??

i didn’t realize what had happened to me until it was too late. i had a crush. this isn’t gonna end well. i swore i would never like anyone again after the whole heidi thing happened. i should just leave and call her a bitch and ignore my feelings. yeah! that’s a great idea!

i stood up.

“well, i have to get ready for class. it was really nice spending lunch with you. maybe we can hang out after school on friday?” i said.

“yea sure! i’d love to.” she said smiling.

GODDAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!

to be continued...

#south park fanfiction #south park fandom #eric cartman #cartman x reader #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #south park #heidi turner #wendy testaburger #x reader #fanfiction #part one #mysterion #the coon #coon and friends #south park headcanons

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 4 years ago

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Just Like You - Kenny McCormick(South Park)

I wrote this a really long time ago when I was obsessed with South Park. I don’t know why lmao, but here it is.

Warning: Also wrote this when I was an edgy teen™, so cringe and possible trigger warning.

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, today’s the day...

New town. New house. New school.

My parents had gotten a better job offer here in this little town of South Park, much to my dismay. I love traveling, but moving from a large city in New York to a small mountain town in Colorado is a lot.

It should be interesting though, more opportunities that I’ve never gotten before. Although, I still have to go to school. The local South Park high school.

I put on my outfit for school and wear my black coat over it. It seems to always snow here, only on rare occasions it gets warm. I run downstairs and grab a piece of toast my mother made from the kitchen. I find a note on the counter.

Have a good first day of school, hon. Try to make some friends, and yes, that means being nice to people. Your father and I will not be back until tomorrow morning, so keep those memories of your first day in you head until we can hear about it. Love you!

My mother is a freak, I love her, but she’s a freak. I’m surprised my father has a job with all the day drinking he does. It helps him get work done, I guess.

I walk to school still eating my buttered toast. Approaching the school, I take in its features. It’s an ugly yellow color. Although, I think all bright colors are ugly. I walk in the school and all eyes are on me. I pretend not to notice. I get my class schedule and such from the receptionist and make my way towards my locker.

“You must be new. I think I would’ve recognized an ass that fine before.” A brunette says to me. I roll my eyes and huff.

“As a matter of fact, I am new. I was hoping for something better than a lame catcall on my first day, but at least you tried.” I said and patted him on the shoulder. He glared, tears filling in his eyes, and stomped off.

I bet he’s never been rejected in his entire life, poor soul.

I walk into my first class and immediately get called on. “Well, hello there! You must be the new student. Y/N right? Well, I’m Mr. Garrison and this here is my little friend Mr. Hat. Say hello Mr. Hat!”

Okay...already creeped the fuck out. Something about his southern accent and oh yeah, his fucking creepy ass puppet just rubs me the wrong way.

“Now, please, go take a seat. Wait...are you a troublemaker?” He asks.

“Oh no. Not at all, sir.” I lie. It’s easy to lie. I have a natural talent for it.

“Oh alright, I guess you can sit next to Kenny. That boy in the orange coat. You can keep him in check.”

Will do, you creepy old fuck.

I take my seat next to the blonde haired boy. He’s kinda cute actually. After class a group of boys came up to me, including that Kenny kid.

“Hi, new kid! Just thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Kyle. This here’s Stan, Cartman, and Kenny.” The redhead said.

“Holy shit, look at those tits!”

“Cartman!” Kyle scolded.

“Well, first off. It’s Y/N, not new kid. And nice to meet you too...I guess.” I said and walked off.

Yeah, I don’t have great people skills. My harshness has pushed people away. I’m trying to work on it. But determined from what the fatass said I probably don’t wanna be friends with those dudes.

Off to lunch, finally. Hopefully the lunch here is better than the ones at my old school. I took my tray and looked around the lunchroom. Everyone in groups or pairs. I see one empty table. I head towards it and sit down.

The food isn’t that bad, but I’ll definitely be bringing my own from now on. While I was eating I noticed people staring at me. One, that Kenny kid, and two, that guy that used that lame catcall. I got uncomfortable real quick.

The rest of school was a bust. It was boring. Now, I want something fun to do. I heard that there’s a pond near here, that sounds like fun. I asked directions to where the pond was, which I found out was called Stark’s Pond, and headed there.

I approached and noticed no one was there. Perfect.

I looked around in my bookbag for some rope, and luckily I carry some around with me at all times. I look a heavy looking rock and tie it to the rope. I’m not that heavy so it should work.

I tie the other end of the rope around my ankle. I throw the boulder into the pond and it yanks me down, breaking my ankle. It drags me down until the rock rests at the bottom of the pond.

It’s dark and cold. I’m floating, suspended in time. I look up and see the sunlight breaking through the surface of the water, but it’s not enough to reach me. My hair flies around, loose and tangling each other. I reach up and run my fingers through my soft hair.

It starts...I try to gasp for breath but it isn’t there. My lungs start to burn with fire as no oxygen reaches them and they only fill with water as I struggle for air.

I always find this part of drowning so fascinating. Your survival instincts kick in and you try so desperately to fight to survive but come up short when your lungs fill completely with water and your body becomes stiff and frozen.

I black out.

*The Next Morning*

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed.

I sigh in relief to see that I’m back again, in my new home. Every time I die, there’s always a part of me that’s afraid I’ll never come back, and yet I always do.

The first time it happened, I was 10. I was at a birthday party. It was my friend’s party cake that killed me. Someone, while making the cake, accidentally put poison in it. I don’t know how in the hell someone “accidentally” puts poison in a cake, but it happened.

I started to feel hungry, it wasn’t time eat yet but the cake was on the kitchen table and I couldn’t help myself. I took a small piece of cake, it was delicious but it caused me to foam out the mouth and have a seizure. I died almost instantly. Good thing I died otherwise the rest of those kids would’ve had a bad day.

Then I woke up in my bed the next morning.

The hardest part was that no one remembered that I died, but I did. I remember the whole painful experience, and my parents didn’t even believe me. They took me to counseling after that, not that it helped.

One day, a few weeks after the first time I died, I tried crossing the road without my parents. I looked both ways and no cars were coming as far as I could tell. As soon as I almost crossed the, a car came out of no where and completely wrecked me. Again, I woke up in my bed like nothing happened.

The day after I built up the courage enough to test out the theory that I was unkillable. My dad had a 9 mil in his safe. I shot myself, and just like that, I woke up in my bed the next day.

At first, I was insanely afraid of myself and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it could be fun.

I’ve tested out so many ways of dying. Yesterday at the pond was my first time drowning, but I wanted to get over it cause I knew I’d drown soon even if I avoided it. Next on my list is falling to my death, but besides drowning heights is my biggest fear. Heights might be a good excuse to procrastinate getting that done.

I get up out of bed and take a quick shower. I wonder if I’ll ever stop being immortal? It’s probably a good thing I am since I’ve become so accident prone.

After my shower, I quickly got dressed and jogged down the stairs, almost falling in the process. I walked into the kitchen where I saw my parents.

“Y/N! Hello, sweetie!” My mom said and gave me a hug.

“Hey.” I said.

My mom was making waffles and my dad was just sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Dick never pays any attention to me.

“So, how was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?”

“Uh, not really. Some guys introduced themselves to me, but you know how I am with people. And school was fine, learned a lot, teachers are a freaky though.” I paused. “Oh, and I drowned myself at Stark’s Pond.” I said nonchalantly.

My mom sighed. “That’s nice dear.”

Ever since I’ve been experimenting with dying over and over, I’ve been telling my parents about it. They never believe me of course. Even when one time I purposely hurt myself and bled to death in front of them, but they never remember. My dad didn’t really give a shit though. Anyway...

“I’m going to school now. Later!” I said, walking out the door.

Hmm, maybe I should take the bus. I wait at the bus stop, cause I don’t feel like walking to school.

“Y/N!” I flinch when I heard my name being called out. I turn to see Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman walking up to me. “I didn’t know you took the bus.” Kyle went on to say.

“Didn’t really feel like walking to school today.” I said, looking down and kicking the ground beneath me absentmindedly.

The bus finally arrived and we all walked on, I sat in the very back by myself. Until Kenny decided to sit next to me.

“Mmph!” He said, well I don’t exactly know he said. His bright orange parka covering his face made his voice muffled. I’m just gonna assume he said hi.

“Hi.” I replied.

“Mmph mmph mmph mph mmmph mmph!”

“Uh...huh?”

He rolled his eyes and took off his hood, revealing a mop of messy dirty blonde hair. “I said, how are you liking school so far?” He said.

“Oh, um. It’s okay, I guess.” I smiled.

“You guess? Okay, so I take it you don’t really like it.”

“Well, it always sucks when you’re the new kid and you have no friends.” I sighed.

“No friends, huh? Well, I’ll be you friend. I’m sure Kyle and Stan will too!” He said, making me blush. Darn. “Aw, you’re blushing!”

“Shut up. I always blush.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kenny smirked.

When we finally got to school Kenny walked me to class, which was nice. He’s actually really nice and funny, also really adorable.

*A Week Later*

School so far has been good. I’ve grown really close to Kenny, since he’s basically my only friend.

Kenny invited me to sit with him at his table, I agreed. Stan and Kyle seemed to enjoy my company though, Cartman didn’t. Didn’t like me for some reason, although he could be just an asshole all the time.

As the talk started to slow down and lunch was almost over, I looked around the lunchroom to avoid small talk. I saw the guy with brown hair staring at me again, but looked away when I saw him. “Hey, Kenny?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is that guy over there?” I ask, discreetly pointing at him.

“Oh, that guy in the red coat is Clyde. Why?” Kenny asked.

“Oh, no reason. He was just staring at me my first day here and also today. He also kinda catcalled me that day too.”

Kenny noticeably frowned. “He has?”

“Yeah, but it’s probably nothing.” I stuttered a little. Kenny giggled.

“You’re cute when you stutter.” He smiled, which made me blush. “Aw, you’re blushing again.” He poked my blushing cheeks.

“Ugh, stop.” I whined, and shoved his hand away.

The rest of school was okay. Kenny stayed by my side the whole day, I didn’t mind, but he seemed like he was in a clingy mood which was weird. “I’ll walk you home.” Kenny said.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.” I said.

“Nah, I insist.” He said.

Well, who could say no to Kenny. We were almost to my house, we had to cross the street first. We both walked side by side, Kenny had his arm around my shoulders to which I giggled. I suddenly hear a loud horn, I tried to push Kenny out of harm’s way but it was too late.

We’d both been run over by a semi-truck.

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed in a cold sweat.

Oh, god. Kenny. We both got hit. I tried to get Kenny out of the way, but I was too late. I let him get run over. He’s probably dead because of me.

I start to sob. He’s dead and it’s my fault. My fucking fault. God no. Why couldn’t it have just been me? I wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t able to come back, I just want Kenny to still be alive.

My alarm went off. I smashed it. I’m not going to school today. I can’t. Everyone probably knows Kenny’s dead and they’re mourning him school. I can’t be knowing it’s my fault.

My doorbell rings.

Ugh...I don’t feel answering the door. The person is now beating on the door, damn they’re persistent.

I get up to yell at the person who’s beating down my door. I mumble profanities as I answer it. My heart stops. Not literally but it feels like it.

“K-Kenny?” I start sobbing as I take the blonde haired boy in my arms, holding tightly. “I thought you died!” I sob. I pull away. His face looks like he’s in shock, also confused.

“You...you remember?” He asks.

“Of course I do! I tried pushing you out of the way of that truck, I guess I succeeded.” I sigh in relief.

“But...how? I thought you died too.” He said, flabbergasted.

“What do you mean too? Wait, you remembered I died?” I ask, also so confused.

“Y/N, I died. You didn’t push me out of the way in time, but I didn’t save you either. We both died,” he paused, “and we both remember.”

Suddenly, Kenny grabs both my upper arms and pulls me close to him and gives me a passionate kiss.

I pull away, shocked. “Woah....what was that for?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just...nobody has ever remembered me dying. No one, but you can.” Kenny explained.

“And you remember me dying?” I ask.

Kenny nods. “You’re the first person that remembers me dying too.” He says.

I don’t know what to say or do. This has never happened to me before. I think Kenny feels the same, since we’re both just stood awkwardly at my front door. I finally break the silence.

“Kenny, I thought you died, and I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” I said, with still a few salty tears flowing down my red cheeks.

“I was too.” Kenny said. “Well, looks like we have more in common than I originally thought.” He giggled.

~~~~~~~~~~

#south park #south park fanfiction #kenny mccormick #kenny mccormick x reader

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 5 years ago

Text

Imagine:

Reader/ OC trying to keep her orgasms on the inside because she doesn’t like how she sounds.

This is going to be pretty long and detailed. Figured I could add this bit into an idea I had. I wanted to write it out just like this 😩.First time using an OC. Enjoy lovelies xoxoxo

Hello, it’s your girl Ebony here and you’re listening to The Love Zone. We already have a caller number one on the line...

“Hello?” Élise timidly spoke into the phone while seated in her dimly lit living room. There was a 100% chance of showers that evening and rainy nights were the perfect nights for her. Alone in a home she inherited from her grandmother in Marigny, New Orleans, Élise decided to call The Love Zone on WQUE-FM, New Orleans mainstream urban radio station. Ebony Starr was a famous Sexologist and radio personality from Bywater, New Orleans. She inspired Élise to start her own podcast that she titled Finally Exhaled which discusses overcoming past toxic relationships and starting new ones.

“Caller number one?” Ebony said into the microphone. Her voice echoed since Élise could hear it twice.

“Yes,” she licked some cocoa butter from her lips, “I’m caller number one.”

“Alright, love, do you have a question for me?”

“I’m a huge fan,” she nervously laughs, “Just...I didn’t expect you...to answer my call.”

“You’re so sweet, honey, thank you,” Ebony made Élise smile, “what’s your name?”

“Yolanda,” that was her mother’s name.

“Yolanda, Pretty name. I know a lot of Yolanda’s.”

“Yeah,” she toyed with her long dreaded hair.

“Why are you up so late, Yolanda? No work for tomorrow?”

It was 11:00 pm. She worked as a waitress in a bar and grill but that was just to keep busy. She was an only grandchild left with her grandmothers money. Her Father didn’t like the fact that she got everything. Typical. He wasn’t around so why did it matter to him?

“Work tomorrow evening,” she pondered for a moment, “Now I remember my question.”

Ebony laughs, “go ahead, what’s your question?”

Wiggling her toes at the fireplace she opens her mouth to speak, “How do I overcome being embarrassed by the way I sound when I orgasm and moan? I’m nervous to even ask this question but it’s been bothering me and I just...I don’t like it.”

“Hmm,” Ebony’s smooth hum reassured her, “Why don’t you like the way you sound, Yolanda?”

“It’s-its because I was told it was ugly mainly. My last boyfriend-shitty boyfriend by the way, told me I sounded like a dying animal,” Élise chuckles, “I want to move past that and embrace the way I sound whenever the moment happens for me again but...”

“You’re afraid the next man will find it just as ugly and look at you weird?”

“Yes, ugh,” Élise closes her eyes, “What the hell should I do?”

“Honestly? Embrace it. That sound is a beautiful sound, Yolanda. One of the sounds of love making. When it’s real and sudden like that it makes you stutter out incoherent words and sounds but only a real man, an experienced appreciative man, would love to hear those noises. How old were you when he told you this?”

“I was 20 years old. That was when we first started dating. A start to a long toxic relationship.” She didn’t mean to vent like that but she couldn’t help it. Her ex, Sean, was such an emotional abuser. He shot her down every chance he got to make her feel ugly. That was for four whole years. She was 25 now and wanted to heal from that.

“Oh, that explains it,” Ebony made a noise of disapproval, “See, boys don’t know a thing, honey. I’m happy you’re not in that toxic relationship anymore and there is a man out there that will love every screaming orgasm you have. Especially if he’s the cause.”

“I know you’re right but gosh,” what man anyway? The closest she’s ever come to a man since then was working at that bar and they all were too pushy and drunks. She was loosing all hope honestly.

“Yolanda, when was the last time you had sex?”

“Over a year ago.”

“You’re craving sex heavy, sweetie. You want to give yourself to someone badly and a year can do that. I don’t think it was only the way you sound it’s a trust thing as well. Sean betrayed your trust.

Bingo.

“I’m better now. I can trust but I just don’t know where to start.”

“There is no rush. Let it come to you, honey. Once it does...accept it. Feel it. If you can listen to yourself moan and shout when you orgasm alone then you can definitely do it in front of a man again. I bet you sound angelic.”

Élise blushes.

“I actually heard that smile through the phone, Ebony laughs, “Sweety, let that moan out, snatch a man’s soul, and feed that craving.”

Élise laughs pleasantly, “I really needed this thank you so much, Miss Starr.”

“Please, If you need to talk you could always come to my meet and greets and workshops in The French Quarter.”

“I’d like that,” Élise smiles wide with her high cheek bones, “thanks again, Ebony.”

“Thank you, Yolanda. Enjoy the rest of your evening, love.”

The line disconnected. Élise places her phone on the carpeted floor and thought about their conversation. She was pining for sex. She wanted her year back. A year of no dick or lips on her pussy. Sex toys over used and calling her name as we speak.

Let’s take it slow with some Beyoncé- Dangerously in Love 2...

Baby I love you/You are my life/My happiest moments weren’t complete if you weren’t by my side/You’re my relation/In connection to the sun/With you next to me/There’s no darkness I can’t overcome/You are my raindrops/ I am your seed...

The rain was coming down in sheets, banging against Élise’s rough top like bullets. There was no lightning or thunder. She was glad that she got the lighting in her grandmothers home fixed because if she didn’t the power would be out and Élise did not want to go into that cobwebbed basement to find candles. Last time she went down there she saw a possum. Élise has on nothing but a retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt while seated in front of the fireplace. She finally stands, the heat of the flames warming her butt before she walked back to the couch where her crinkled copy of Roar of Thunder, Hear My Cry rested on top of a quilt.

She couldn’t sleep and Beyoncé had her singing with her eyes closed. Grabbing her Walt Disney World coffee mug that had lukewarm herbal tea in it, Élise snuggled into the couch while facing a small window just above the heater in her living room.

I hope everyone is being safe on this stormy Friday night. We have another caller on the line, caller number two?

Élise tunes in.

“I’m still unfaithful to my husband. I can’t shake the need to be with the other man. Just tonight I came home after frantic car sex in an open lot. I want to tell him...I want to tell him I’m happy with the other man.”

“Wow,” Élise loves this juicy talk. She could faintly hear Rihanna-Unfaithful play in the background which causes her to giggle. Ebony was hilarious.

Whew, honey, juggling two men?

“SHIT!”

Élise’s head shot up from the couch. The angry shout came from outside. Maybe someone was locked out the house, she thought. Élise covered herself with the quilt further to listen to more of The Love Zone.

You are killing this man. Just tell him the truth. I can hear the pain in your voice. If you want to end this the right way stop stringing him along and communicate...

Thump

A rather loud kick could be heard from outside. Now, her interest was peaked. Élise tosses the quilt back , tiptoeing to the window with her mug still in hand. She could see a little better only because the house had a porch. But it was still foggy. A man was outside with his hazards flashing. He had to have been out there for a minute with how drenched he was messing under the hood of his car. No lightning or thunder. Just the rain, but the rain was more than enough to make the situation extremely uncomfortable.

Élise couldn’t see him that clearly as he hopped in and out of his car every minute or so, probably trying to warm up before trying something else to get his car moving again. Thanks to the street lamp about twenty feet from where he parked she could make out the type of car. A Ford Mustang 2006. It was parked beside a neighbor of hers that she didn’t like at all. His name was Kevin and he was a white supremacist. Nothing new in the South. No family but she could have sworn she heard screams from his house...

“Fuck!” The man shouts again. Élise felt kind of guilty. She had no idea why. She was sure most of her neighbors saw him stranded out there as well. As quiet as her neighborhood is, something out of the ordinary rarely goes unnoticed. However, the fact that the man was still out there struggling on one of the worst nights, weather-wise, of the year didn’t sit right with her. What harm would it be to offer to let him into her home so he could properly make a call for a Tow service or have a nice cup of tea and a hot meal? Loan a flashlight, or let him warm up by the fireplace for a moment?

Élise stares down at what she was wearing again. That retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt. Élise went to the closet to grab her red longline puffer coat and black Hunter rain boots. She grabs a flashlight from the closet shelf, trying it out to see if it worked. A couple slaps with it to the palm of her hand made the old thing ignite and she was headed for the door. Élise swung the front door open like a women on a mission. She stomps across her front porch and right down the steps, pulling the back of her coat up over her head to keep from getting her dreads wet.

“Excuse me!” She yelled out from the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street from where the man was parked. He looked in her direction, and she could finally make out his soaked face. She was not disappointed.

“Wassup?!” He responded loudly, “This rain is a bitch!”

“Yeah, it is! Do you need some help?! It’s pretty cold out too my place is warm!”

He kept a steady gaze on her from under his hood. He had this look on his face as if that were a bad idea. Now, Élise was regretting it.

“Are you waiting for someone?!” She started up the conversation again. Her legs were so wet now.

“Nah!” He shook his head and from what Élise could make out she saw short dreads fall over his forehead, “Listen, it’s bad out here, sweetheart why don’t you go back inside, huh?!”

“You sure?!” She pointed her flashlight to the house, “My offer still stands if you change your mind!”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, ma!”

Even though it was dark she could see his smile. Damn, he was good-looking. All that out here melting in the rain. Élise turned to run back to the porch only to fall right on the concrete. She felt both her knees hit the ground. She wailed in pain. Her hands planted to the ground and she tried lifting up but her rain boots slipped right from under her. She could feel hot tears prick her eyes.

“SHIT!!! Hey, Ma!” He called out. Élise could hear heavy feet splashing in the flooded streets and then a pair of wet hands grabbing her waist and lifting her all the way up into bridal style. She squinted her eyes up at the nice-looking man with the fucked up car. He started walking back to her porch. He sat her down on an old chained swing chair before removing his black hoodie and tossing it on the swing chair with her. It was probably uncomfortable walking around with heavily soaked fabric. One thing was for sure: he was built. He had on a charcoal gray tee that was hugging his body something fierce. Élise could make out his physique thanks to him being up close and personal now. Then there was those dreads. They fit his rugged look so perfectly. He definitely wasn’t from around here.

“What are you doing out here? It’s bad, sweetheart, you could have cracked your head open on the ground instead.”

She blinked up at him with timid eyes. He softened his stern ones before his eyes closed. His hands finger combed his dreads back before he shook his head to stop the dripping water.

“My bad,” he looked down at her on the swing chair, “you’re probably thinking who the fuck he think he is talking to me,” he laughs awkwardly.

“Not at all,” Élise looked away and down at her lap. He was right. She was so quick to come running to the rescue. It was almost flooded outside.

“Let me see the damage,” He crouches down to look at her knees, “just scraped skin but it needs to be cleaned off.”

His onyx eyes landed on hers before turning back to his car. Élise studies the back of his smooth neck and the curve of his ears. It seemed like forever that he was staring at his car.

“I have everything in my house I can take care of it. Thank you though.”

He turned back with a tilt of his head. His eyes looked up at her house while his fingers lazily drummed on the swing chair.

“My name is Erik.” He reached out to shake her hand.

“I’m Élise,” she grabbed it and noticed some cuts on his knuckles, “looks like you need some help too.”

Erik drew his hand back before covering his knuckles by folding his arms, “Shit, I forgot that was even there.”

“No worries, I’m not afraid of blood.” She clarified.

“You must not be afraid of much talking to a stranger at 12 in the morning in the rain.”

His tone was serious. Élise looked away from him with a shy smile.

“I have a big heart and my shitty neighbors wouldn’t help you out so I figured what the hell I can do it.”

“Not much happens around here, huh?” He asked with attentive eyes.

“No, it’s pretty quiet,” she took in every inch of him with her eyes. The tight charcoal gray shirt was damp and exposing every single muscle. She liked his short dreads, almond colored skin, and long, sexy eyelashes.

“You could have knocked on someone’s door to give you a jump.”

“Ha,” his chuckle was dry, “You don’t answer doors when strangers knock, baby girl. And I don’t trust knocking on doors in this neighborhood. I’m lucky you even stepped out,” he smiled faintly, “like a breath of fresh air.”

“I agree,” she changed it up, “it’s just-“

“Don’t explain yourself. It’s cool,” Erik stands, stretching out the muscles in his arms. His eyes were studying her home with a new found curiosity.

“In this world we live in, you never know what you might find knocking on someone’s door. Most people are suspicious, especially of us black men.”

“True,” she stood with him, wrapping her coat around her, “so...do you wanna come in?”

He licked his lips and placed his hands in his black cargo pants pockets. He looked like he was freezing and she could see his cold breath.

“Erik, I have blankets and dry shirts,” she beemed up at him.

He squinted his eyes playfully at her before his head fell forward with defeat. Success.

“A blanket does sound nice. But, as tiny as you are, I doubt I could fit into one of your shirts.”

Élise thought she saw a flicker of lust in his eyes when he said that. At least, a part of her hoped she saw lust.

“Unless...” He gave her quizzical expression, “your boyfriend got some shirt he left behind.”

Élise blushes, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

She could tell he was fighting a grin. Élise finally turned to lead the way back into her place, Erik grabbing his hoodie and walking through the door. The second he ended up in there he felt his body defrost and dry.

“Fuck,” he ran his hands over his short dreads, “I’m glad I let my pride down for once and let you help me. A nigga was cold.”

“Uh-Huh,” Élise laughs, “I see your skin warming up, Erik.”

“Oh yeah, I’m nice and toasty now,” He smiles flirtatiously.

“Hungry? Thirsty?”

“Nah, I’m cool.”

“Tow service?”

“Not available and...I’d rather not,” His jaw clenched.

“Well...” Élise shrugs, “looks like you’re staying the night, Erik.”

Erik raised a brow at her before looking around him to get acquainted.

She felt comfortable with him even though he was considered a stranger. Her grandmother would have higher blood pressure than what she already had if she knew what she’d just done. The thought of having some kind of company that night made her feel a lot better and less lonely. Élise finally locks her door and went to her closet to take off her boots and coat. It was all or nothing.

“Closet is free to put your boots and hoodie in.”

She was so damn comfortable around him that she forgot about only being in her T-shirt. Erik stood back with his arms folded watching Élise move and the fabric of the shirt sink in between her ass cheeks. She was sexy for sure. The second she kicked off her boots Erik could see the flesh of her butt... bare flesh.

This girl is serious? He thought.

Ass swinging while she moved. She was a cutie with a nice body. Alone in this big home. All that alone with no man. Shit didn’t make sense. Maybe she was just fucking someone. Erik began walking up to her while she took off her puffer coat to hang. Long slender dreads with shells in it. He wanted to pull on the coarse hair.

“Thanks, Élise,” He was so stealthy that she hadn’t noticed how close he had gotten to her. Elise’s back stiffened and her body tried to step away to give him space but Erik was already taking off his boots and hanging up his hoodie. She caught a whiff of his cologne causing her to nibble on her bottom lip. He didn’t smell like liquor and cigarettes like the men at the bar and grill she worked at. He smelled like rain, sweat, and what she recognized was Gucci Guilty men’s cologne. She remembered that smell from when she was in Macy’s sniffing around in the perfume section. It was intimate and warm at the same time.

“Don’t worry, your blankets will smell like me even when I leave, baby girl.”

She was caught red handed.

“I’m sorry,” she stroked a few dreads from her face, “Your cologne smells really good.”

We’re they really standing in the closet? She dropped the flashlight on the floor when Erik leaned in towards her to smell her now. He was more than comfortable around her. He acted like he knew her.

“You smell like coconut oil,” He gave her a coy smile, “I like that.” Erik crouched down in the small space to pick up the flashlight.

“T-thanks.” Élise licked her dry lips. She needs more cocoa butter.

“So, nice closet,” He teased.

“Yeah...very spacious,” she awkwardly tried to joke back.

Just show me around, ma, since I’m gonna be sleeping here tonight. Unless...you changed your mind?”

He leaned in toward her with a slight raise of his brow and parted lips. He knew he had hers shooken up.

“Yeah, I have a spare bedroom and the couch pulls out into a bed.”

Erik’s eyes trailed up and down her body, “Pull out couch is fine.”

Élise finally let out the breath she’d been holding once Erik stepped away and into her living room. She watched him look around like he was in a museum, staring at her family photos and the art on the walls. Élise has redecorated since moving in two years ago.

“This you?” Erik had a wide smile on his face while pointing to a photo on the ledge of the fireplace. Élise walked over, spotting the photo in question. Oh, yes, when her hair was in a kinky fro, nose piercing, college T-shirt on two sizes too small, tiny denim shorts, and laying in the grass with her ass sitting out and ready to be grabbed.

“Looking like a little rebel,” He picked that photo up studying it with unrelenting eyes. She shuddered.

“Very sexy,” Erik commented and then he gave Élise that look. She turned away from him; she didn’t want him to see the desire in her eyes. She was beginning to have second thoughts about kissing and possibly fucking a complete stranger. No need to deny herself her own thoughts. She’s been thinking that the second he looked up at her from across the street in the rain.

“Where are you from, Erik?”

He placed the picture back on the fireplace ledge, “California.”

Élise was intrigued.

“Why New Orleans?” She followed him to the couch where he started pulling it out into a bed.

“Business,” He kept it short. She didn’t pry further because she sensed that he didn’t want her to know the nature of his “business.”

“How do you like it so far?”

He gathered the bottom of his shirt, bringing it up and over his head while his zealous eyes never left hers, “It’s cool, I’ve been before during Mardi Gras.”

She froze. Was his skin naturally like that? It wouldn’t make since with how neat the bumps were. What would make him do that? He didn’t seem bothered by her eyes taking it all in or the wondering crease in her brow. He wouldn’t tell her, she knew that. The shit was going to eat her alive.

She snapped out of her daze, “I haven’t been to a Mardi Gras since I was 21.”

“Why?” He settles down shirtless on the pullout. His body bathed in the fire. She could feel her tongue tingling to taste his skin. Erik is so sexy.

“It’s so damn wild.”

“Please, girl,” He laughs, “Drunk white people acting a fool ain’t our kind of wild.”

They both laughed.

“When I came that shit was dead i was not partying with them. So, me and a friend hit up some urban spots and listened to some upbeat jazz and ate Cajun food. I met a chick and had some fun with her.”

What kind of fun?

“Sounds a lot better than the time I went.”

Élise stares down at her scraped knees. The crimson peeked through the tiny scratches. Now that her attention was there it was beginning to burn.

“Where’s your bathroom so we can get those cuts cleaned, baby girl?”

Élise pointed to her stairwell, “Upstairs. I can bring it down you don’t have to come with me.”

“Well,” Erik had a roguish expression on his face, “what if I wanna see what upstairs looks like?”

Her wary eyes stared at his wry expression. Erik was definitely being very coy with her.

“You won’t find anything interesting upstairs except for my bedroom.”

Élise’s wistful expression let Erik know without even saying it flat out that she wanted him in her room. He fixed his eyes on her for being that bold with him. She wasn’t so shy. She was a little rebel.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Élise tries to play it off, “I should probably shut up.”

“Let’s go,” Erik stood up, holding his hand out to her. Élise grabs his hand, leading Erik to the staircase and up the creaky steps. It was dark and chilly in the hallway since she didn’t turn on the heat upstairs. She could hear Erik shiver even though his hand was still warm. They made it to her bathroom, Élise turning on the light. She hadn’t changed it around much. Her grandmother still had Élise’s potty from when she was a baby in there. She never let go of things.

“My guess is this house belonged to your grandmother?” Erik finally spoke while standing at the sink.

“Yep. She passed away from breast cancer two years ago.”

“I know how that shit feels, trust me,” Erik opened her medicine cabinet to find a withering first aid kit, “I lost my mom and my dad so I understand.”

Erik motioned for Élise to come to him. When she did he picked her up and sat her on the edge of the sink. Her short yet thick legs swung back and forth reminding her of when she was a child. Erik opened the kit and grabbed some gauze dressing, peroxide, and neosporin.

“You must really enjoy picking me up, stranger,” Élise’s playful eyes sought out Erik’s and the second he smiled revealing those deep dimples in his cheeks she crossed her legs to simmer the heat growing between them. Even the grip she had on the edge of the sing became firmer.

there is a man out there that will love every screaming orgasm you have. Especially if he’s the cause.

Ebony’s words spoke to her again. She was thinking about the sounds she would make if Erik fucked her. He was still shirtless, his cargo pants riding low on his hips showing her that chiseled v-cut of his, and those lashes with his onyx eyes blinked at her like he was trying to read her mind. Lord knows Élise wanted to read his. He was so mysterious and unreadable and that didn’t scare her. It made her want to stake her claim on him. He was visiting New Orleans and maybe she could show him around and they could have some fun of their own. Élise was lonely and friends weren’t enough to fill the void. Not really much family left either. She needed the warmth and comfort of a man.

But Erik looked like the type to break you down piece by piece. She wouldn’t mind him turning her out. Élise didn’t know how long she was staring but Erik’s soft fingers tapping the sides of her thighs broke her out of her dreamy state. Staring down, she could see the fresh gauze covering her wounds. Élise bit into her lip and without being able to control it her high cheek bones puffed out. He made her blush over everything. Why couldn’t he be from New Orleans and not California? Once he left she wouldn’t find another guy around like him. She already crushed on him and she hardly even knew him.

“What did I do to make you blush, pretty girl?”

“What didn’t you do, Erik,” She reaches out for his hands, “let me see.”

He came in closer between her legs, giving her permission to grab his hands and examine his scarred knuckles. It looked pretty bad. Did he beat a brick wall or somebody’s face? She glanced up at him briefly and without saying a word she tended his wounds. His searching expression made her belly flit like butterfly wings. Now, she was rubbing neosporin in carefully. She could feel his eyes leering at her in a sexually suggestive way.

“These are pretty fresh,” she muttered. Élise’s eyes looked from his Adam’s apple bobbing from swallowing spit to his teeth nibbling the corner of his full pouty lip. He didn’t look at her when she said that.

“That’s because they are, Élise,” he says with a low voice. She started wrapping the gauze dressing around his hand. After she was done she didn’t let his hands go. Élise surely didn’t want to. They stood in a comfortable silence and it gave her time to think about his fresh wounds. He didn’t look like the type to go around beating brick walls but faces? That was definitely the answer. And surprisingly, Élise wasn’t afraid. If Erik wanted to rob her or kill her he would have done that already. Instead he was kind to her and he looked at her like he wanted to fuck her. She liked that look a lot.

“Élise.” Erik spoke earnestly.

“Yes?” She said with a soft-spoken voice.

“You’re not afraid of me. Why?”

“Because I know you won’t hurt me.”

She noticed him watching the way her lips moved when she said that. He was admiring the shape of them. Her lips were the perfect proportion. Perfectly symmetrical on the left and the right. Full lips with volume and a plump pout.

“Yeah, baby girl, I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“...but you did hurt someone...”

Erik glides his tongue over his upper teeth, responding but completely ignoring her question, “what if I kissed you right now? That wouldn’t change your mind?”

“No.” Élise said gazing into his eyes.

Erik leans in with his hands bracing the sides of the sink. His lips sparingly touched hers as he spoke. Élise clings to every word while her low eyes stared at his mouth.

“If you lettin’ me put my mouth on yours then you’ll let me put something else on you...am I right?”

Élise has an anxious feeling and Erik wasn’t helping when the flesh of his bottom lip tickled hers every time he spoke. Now, her eyelids were fluttering. Still in nothing but that retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt and no panties. She wondered if he could smell her arousal towards him.

“Erik-“

“Just answer the question, Élise.”

“Yes, I would.”

“If you’re not afraid of me you would answer my questions,” Erik moved his lips to her ear, his hard chest touching her clothed one. Élise shuddered when his warm breath tickled her ear, “Why are you so comfortable around me with this little ass T-shirt on and no panties?”

“H-How do you know I don’t have on panties?”

“Because,” the hair from his beard touched her neck, “I could see that ass from the back when you were in that closet, ma.”

She hung on to his captivating voice while staring at the side of his neck. Élise was sweating from how turned on she was and he didn’t even kiss her yet.

“That’s what I’m talking about. You act like you know me...what if I would have pulled that shirt up to get a better look at that ass?”

Élise gasps at his words, turning to look at him with alluring eyes. What if he would have done that? He was already so close to her. Now she was imagining him bending her over in that closet and going deep in her pussy from the back. She found that to be very sexy and thrilling. Élise’s grandmother was probably turning over in her grave right now. Her granddaughter letting a strange and clearly very dangerous man into her home and allowing him to seduce her.

Erik takes his hands to rest on her thighs. He moved them up and down in a slow motion keeping a steady gaze on Élise to see if she would flinch away. No, she was enjoying the firmness of his hands. He knew exactly what he was doing. Élise could feel his fingertips hit the bottom of her T-shirt. Damn...he was so close.

“Élise, you so damn thick, girl.”

“Thank you.” She bit down on her tongue to fight her ugly moan. At least that’s what she thought it was. Her eyes descended when she felt Erik lift the bottom of her shirt. Unhurried and gentle Erik lifts that T-shirt up to reveal Élise’s shaved mound. The phat flesh sat between her plush thighs like a surprise treat.

“Damn, you just letting me do this, huh?”

“Yes,” she let out an airy sigh, “I am.”

“Been too long, ma?” Erik had a wolfish expression on his face, “shit, you nice and phat down there too.”

Erik pulled her shirt back down and Élise’s heart sank before his pillowy lips finally connected with hers so suddenly. Her head almost collided with the mirror from how alarmed she was. Her hands reached up to cup his face while she allowed this man to fuck her mouth with his tongue. She tried to keep up with him but in the end Erik conquered her. His mouth tasted amazing. Now, he was gripping her curvy waist with his forceful hands and practically pulling her into his body. Their heads moved from side to side and their lips smacked and sucked on each other’s. A tiny yelp escaped her mouth when Erik sank his teeth into her bottom lip before drawing back. He licks his lips in one motion all the way around his mouth and Élise was officially hungry for more of him. A man coming in from the rain. A man she would have never expected would be kissing her on her bathroom sink. It was so risky.

“Ahhhh!” She moaned instantaneously. His lips and teeth were on her neck. Shit, Élise actually moaned. Why was she even worried? She actually sounded quite nice. Erik was bruising her skin with the right suction of his lips. If it felt like that on her neck it would feel just as good on her hard nipples and clit. The surface of the sink was moist from her pussy rubbing and gliding along the surface.

“Taste so goddam good, girl,” he flattened his tongue and licked her neck, “so sweet.”

“God, Erik,” she moaned, “I can’t believe I’m letting you do this to me.”

“I can,” He chuckles, “You like that I’m doing this to you. I can tell you’ve been loosing out, ma, got you all sweaty and breathing deep.”

“I just can’t...believe...fuck, Erik.”

His hands grabbed her breasts, circling them and tweaking her nipples through her shirt. He was torturing her at this point. Élise wanted him to rip that shirt off her body.

“You’re driving me crazy,” She whispered, “Erik,” her voice was so hushed and heavenly. The man in question was just as frazzled as her. Panting, a sheen of sweat on his skin, his dick hardening and thickening against her inner thighs.

“Élise...I wanna fuck you.” He grabs her hips to keep her still, “listen to me,” his thumb came up to stroke her dimples chin, “...I wanna fuck you so good, girl. You need to take some good dick.”

“It’s been so long,” she bit into her pouty lip.

“Shit, how long?” He was running his hands through her dreaded strands.

“I feel,” she shivers, “I feel so embarrassed saying it,” Élise’s murmured like she was telling a huge secret.

“You can tell me...don’t be scared, girl.”

“A year,” she closed her eyes.

What the fuck. An entire year. Élise was yearning, longing, craving, and hungry for some dick and attention. Part of Erik wondered if that was one of the reasons why she let him into her home.

“Aye,” Erik soothes her, “that’s a long time, baby girl, but I can help you out with that,” Erik takes her hand to kiss it gently before speaking against her knuckles, “I can make you feel better....”

“Erik.”

“You know you want me to...let me make you feel good...” He kissed her hand again while staring into her eyes. Erik felt her thighs quiver around his waist.

“I got you, ma.”

“Erik,” she kept whispering at him and it had him grunting and painfully hard, “I’m so wet, I can’t believe it...Erik.”

She’s so beautiful. God, Erik needed this right now. He needed her ass.

“Élise, girl, I swear to fucking God-“

“Erik, please, Erik.”

Élise unexpectantly lifts both of her legs to the sink, her entire T-shirt bunched up around her waist now showing Erik all that wet juicy pink. Pussy looking like a wet piece of fruit. A peach drizzled in honey. Tight slit with puffy suckable lips. Erik’s eyes were vicious. He reached out to keep her thighs back since she wanted it that way. Then, in a blink of an eye, he had her pushed back against the mirror with her ass hanging over the edge of that sink.

“Oh? You itchin’ for me, ain’t you? opening up your fucking legs like that. Just telling me I can have it? Girl, I will beat this pussy up right on this motherfucking sink. Fucking playing with me if you want...”

She caved when she saw him spit thickly on her pussy. She drew her lips into her mouth. Élise could feel the saliva practically slap her clit. He was so fucking nasty. She just knew that Erik would have her making all types of noises.

“Still ain’t scared, huh?”

“No.” Her voice shook even though she said no.

Erik’s head went down between her legs. He stuck his tongue out as far as it could go and began licking the underside of her clit back and forth. Élise clenched her teeth, the sounds begging to escape her mouth.

“I don’t hear nothing. If you ain’t afraid why don’t I hear you moaning, baby girl?”

Erik went in again slurping her up and licking in a deadly pattern. She felt him tug on her clit and inner folds. She was ready to cum already.

“Erik, Erik I-Stop it, I’m-Erik, please, please I’m-oh my God you’re-you’re making me-Ooooh you’re making me-“

Like it wasn’t in her own control, Élise moaned as her orgasm erupted from her. Her eyes squeezed shut and the so called animalistic sounds escaped her mouth. She was choking on her moans and she hated that she couldn’t control it but this fucking man...he was eating her. Making up for that year. Every month fueling him to suck and lick on that pussy some more. Even after she came he still covered her with his entire mouth and spit. She waited and waited for him to say she sounded ugly or look at her bizarrely but no. Instead he says...

“Good fucking girl. That’s right, cum in this mouth. Shit, cum all you want, do it, baby girl.”

Thank god for his car breaking down.

“Yes!”

“Uh-Huh, you want some more!”

She nodded her head with vigorously.

“Look at you,” Erik bit his lip while thumbing her clit, “look at you shaking and moaning,” his motions increased, “cumming again? That pussy cummimg for me? she ready to bust for me, Élise?”

“Mmmm, Erikkkk, baybeee!”

“You just keep on going?” He smiled.

“I-I’m sorry,” her body spasmed, “I can make a lot of mess.”

Élise was referring to her squirting habit.

“You can squirt all over Daddy whenever you like,” He inserts two fingers inside of her. She rolled her eyes shut, body vanquished but feeining for more.

“Grabbing my fingers like that? Gon’ head and cum...better yet fuck these fingers. Get you some, ma, pop that pussy on these fingers.”

Her hips lifted to get all of his fingers as he dug deep.

“Ooh...ooh...look at you...got my dick heavy in these pants.”

Élise watched him grab his dick. He was so long. She couldn’t wait to see it. And fuck it. And suck it...

“Damn, shit, I can’t wait to pound that puss.”

She shouted out again, pussy convulsing around his thick fingers. Her throat was raw from how hard she screamed.

“So fucking beautiful. Shit don’t make no sense.”

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh@chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold@njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi @sheisexcellent1@chocolatedippedinhoney@brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy@soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted@harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone@bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo @truglori @queenflaws @ljstraightnochaser @nickidub718 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark @rent-emspoons @abluesforlyssa

#nahimjustfeelingit writes #killmonger smut #killmonger fic #killmonger x reader #killmonger imagine

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checkdispleased · 4 years ago

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re. ep. 21 on Lardo, what are your thoughts on the idea that Lardo's haircut/ art student vibe, is sort of trading on the visual cues/ imagery of queerness, to provide an illusion or semblance of queer rep, while not actually doing the work to write an actually queer character? You guys have touched on N using a sort of visual/generic shorthand in her characterization in other areas, but the mentioning the Ollie/Wicks thing got me thinking again about how few canonical queer characters are 1/2

2/2 are in the majority of the comic, for a comic supposedly all about queer rep. [it kinda reminds of that author of the wizard books and her word of god gay character after the fact, though i don't think N is doing it to nearly the same degree], but i can't help but see similarities in how cultural cues are used to a nod to representation that's not actually treated as canon by the text itself.

I just deleted a whole stupid Harry Potter essay and will instead say this: I was about to say we found out Dumbledore was gay 15 years before OMGCP even started, and then I remembered I’m an idiot who can’t do math. Still, not that I think JKR needs or deserves the very meager fairness I’m about to lend her right now, but, one difference between that series and this comic is, Harry Potter is not about queer experience, and it never claimed to be, and it wasn’t de rigueur for YA book series to feature any LGBT characters necessarily over the period when it was begin published. Check Please is supposedly about that exact topic! And it was created and presented in a space -- specifically the slash fandom subculture on Tumblr, in 2013, working on the vernacular of webcomics -- where the expectation of queer content was de rigueur. In addition to the fact that I got into the comic because I had heard Jack and Bitty got together, this is maybe why I diverge from @tomatowrites‘ uncertainty that they would get together: this was being created from and presented in the space where that was exactly what would happen.

To be also fair to Ngozi, I guess the comic never really positioned itself as speaking to LGBT experiences other than Bitty’s. Still, he says he’s come to Samwell because of the breadth of its queer community? I think, through the lens of the comic alone, what he must have meant was that he wanted to be in a place where he could be openly gay to find a boyfriend, not that he wanted to like, have LGBT friends broadly speaking. One interesting thing about the Y4 Tweets, which I have only ever seen in the chirpbook, is that it is established that Bitty, uh, addresses one of the most pointed criticisms of Check Please:

“ducksducksducksducks,” I’m entirely sure based on other Tweets in here, is Lardo.

Hey, this is loooong.

This is SO confusing because it’s like, Lardo’s not a lesbian ... probably? She’s very into Shitty? They live together? Like sharing-a-bedroom live together? There is nothing in the physical comic, or anywhere else that I’m aware of, period, where it’s implied that she’s into women at all, beside the fact that she’s got short hair for a while? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think these were ever tweeted; I think they were written to go in the chirpbook. So it’s tough to know, in a Watsonian sense, what precisely Bitty is responding to, or if he’s responding at all. There’s no context for this. Like much of the comic, it’s just there, implying some things broadly while also addressing a major criticism of the text (that Bitty has no gay friends) without actually examining it within the text itself. Confusing!

I’m not sure what was originally intended in regard to Lardo. (Would love to hear Tomato weigh in on this, if she has time.) It could be as straightforward as, some people at art school look like this. It would be absurd to code a character as queer and then do nothing to establish them as queer in your queer webcomic, of course. Anyone who understands the potential gain of having people think Lardo is not cishet must also understand the potential cost of not just making it canon?

Part of the essay I started writing about Harry Potter up there was to say that, of course, fuck JKR, but also, I think people are making a very 2020-based criticism of the “Dumbledore is gay” reveal, which happened in 2007, concerning a book series that was written starting in the mid-1990s. Not that nobody was ever gay in mainstream media before Check Please, but I do think it’s possible that as popular as those books were, and as powerful as the author was, she may actually have felt she couldn’t put that in there? At the time, I felt like it was a cheap nod to an obviously huge slash fandom -- but now I actually kinda feel like, okay, maybe it was a cheap nod to her obviously huge slash fandom and also she genuinely didn’t think she could have it in there? The very conservative principle of universally legal gay marriage still felt, at the time, like a distant prospect. My goal in thinking this through isn’t to say it’s okay because it happened in ~the past~ when things were less socially just, but rather, to try to explore the thinking that must have gone on around these decisions.

Which leads me, finally, to the actual point of this post: conceiving of Lardo, and OMGCP, in 2013, Ngozi was coming from a slash fandom perspective that largely held these two beliefs:

It is unrealistic for a story to have more LGBT characters than the main pairing; 10 percent of people are gay so if a friend group has more than one or two gay people in it, that’s submitting to some kind of slash-brain internet logic that can’t hold; and

Just as it is homophobic to presume that gay people are or have to be any particular way, it is similarly problematic to presume someone is queer just because they look or act any particular way

The first one is really rooted in fanfics where an entire cast of characters who aren’t gay in canon are suddenly gay in fanfic; this is presumably not a problem for OMGCP because OMGCP is not actually a fanfic. But it is heavily influenced by fanfic; it functionally works as a fanfic ahout two characters named Jack and Bitty who just happen to have also originated within the fanfic. But the comic’s initial readership is going to be people whose interests cross with fandom, because Ngozi is a prominent fan artist so her audience is gonna be that! So you can kind of feel why maybe Bitty is the only gay in the cast until it turns out Jack magically (??) is also.

Which brings us to Lardo: she looks like someone you would think is into women? But I think she was potentially designed as an example of a character who seems gay but isn’t, because it is not okay to presume things about people based on how they look. This is pretty complicated because, well, yes, in general there’s a saying about not judging books by their covers because that level of superficiality perpetuates harmful biases. At the same time, people do judge just about everything by their appearances regardless of whether it’s superficial or not, and so most people know this and use their own appearances to construct their own identities, that is, try to tell people how they want to be read. It’s very 90s-2000s to assert that it’s wrong to make assumptions about whether someone is gay based on appearances, and you can understand why: normalizing gender non-conformity was and is an important project, but until recently the only way to do that was to do it from a position of insisting cishet people could be gender non-conforming. Of course, looking back, this feels like an insane supposition because of course there is a gay aesthetic, or gay aesthetics? Of course queer people have always looked and acted certain ways to try to subtly identify for the purpose of finding fellow travelers?

If I recall correctly, this came up in fanfics a lot, where you’d have one character who is the straightest man making jokes about how much he loved to suck dick, or whatever. And maybe, maybe, some of this lingers in Lardo. I’m thinking mostly of how Kenny was used in South Park fics, but also, come to think of it, Butters, who doesn’t so much crack jokes but he does seem pretty gay, if you take soft-spoken weak-willed effete boys to be gay, which, of course you do. We all do, sometimes. (There’s also an episode about him cross-dressing.)

But what’s even more striking is that there’s already a character who embodies this particular trope in Check, Please: Shitty. He’s theatrical (flamboyant?), he’s writing his senior thesis on the homoeroticism of hockey, and in a very brief (very badly written) ficlet from the back of Huddle Vol. 1, he checks out Jack’s body in the lockeroom and tells Jack he’s a “Greek god.” When Jack says, “That’s so gay,” Shitty responds with, “Welcome to fucking Samwell. Sometimes dudes will tell you you’re hot without even saying ‘no homo’ afterwards.” So we’ve got Jack, who is gay, telling Shitty it’s gay to admire another man’s body as he reddens and is visibly uncomfortable, while Shitty, who is straight, acts like it is somehow normal for all men to be attracted to other men without it being much of an issue for him personally or society broadly. This is not to say that you can’t find these attitudes reflected in the real world; Jack, who’s closeted, obviously has reasons to posture like this, or be uncomfortable with another man complimenting his appearance. But paired with Shitty’s comments the comic is engineering a reversal that claims it’s not inherently gay when a man is attracted to the body of another man -- except, it is? It’s a fiction that serves a kind of post-post-modern post-queer theory pop cultural attitude that I think, in 2020, we’ve moved on from. Underneath Shitty’s posturing is the sad truth that it’s a straight man, particularly a man like Shitty, whose comments on other men’s bodies would be tolerated; it’s unlikely that this is something Bitty (or Jack) would feel it was socially acceptable for him to say. Shitty’s working here as a type.

An I think it’s not a coincidence that he’s paired with Lardo within this story? She is similarly gender-transgressing; beyond having short hair she is characterized as a “bro” (an inherently male-coded performance) and crushes at beer pong and belches on her opponents. Not in the comic, obviously, but we’re told she does -- maybe kind of like Shitty only finds Jack hot off-page? (When he’s not lounging naked in Jack’s bed--again, something that Jack is uncomfortable with, but if a gay man did this, it would certainly be a problem.) I think these are all jokes that are very of their time for fannish texts in the period leading up to when this comic was started.

Again, nothing is impeding Ngozi from putting a female-identifying character who’s attracted to women into her markedly LGBT webcomic in 2014. I think it’s more than likely that if Lardo were meant to be queer, it’d be in there, somewhere. Or, rather, I think if it were an intended reading from start, it would have been in there. Or it would have been in a Tweet. In an extra. In an FAQ. On the Patreon blog. Mentioned in a Livestream. Somewhere? But where we get one incredibly disconnected hint that she might be, it’s in a Kickstarter-backed volume of post-canon content in a way that ties into the actual story or Lardo’s nonexistent interior life not at all. It’s not a story about her--but that’s the point? It’s not a story about her. If it were meant to be a story about a friend group, how would this particular detail not be enriching? When Lardo notices Bitty fretting over Jack’s game in the library, doesn’t the moment have more weight if she can empathize with even slightly more incision?

And like, you can say a lot of things about JKR, and the politics of gender and sexuality within her books was always bad, so this isn’t giving her, like, credit. But you can totally see how using cultural cues might have been all she felt she was able to do in the 1990s and early 2000s, yes, even as one of the most powerful authors working at the time. This doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have done more, or that her bad views are actually understandable, see. (I mean, they’re perfectly understandable, also abhorrent.)

Ngozi is making a fucking gay webcomic for a gay readership on Tumblr in 2013-2020. She had no reason to use cultural cues to hint broadly unless she wanted credit for something she felt she couldn’t represent (which makes no sense, see previous sentence; entire essay) or Lardo was never intended to be anything other than a cis straight woman -- which is a fine thing to be, by the way, nothing against cis straight women? It’s just that like, this comic got a lot of flack from an internal crowd of complainers, myself included, about the things it didn’t do -- and one big thing it neglected to do was introduce meaningful relationships with other LGBT characters for Bitty. So I think that Chirpbook shit is just a late-in-the-day retcon for virtually nobody.

But this is a conspiracy theory so like, take it with a grain of salt.

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basketballandtextbooks · 4 years ago

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Bat how do you feel after watching the special

There are multiple levels to my thoughts.

On a satire level, they bungled a lot of the information. They were trying to take an “all sides are stupid stance” on an issue where people are dying daily and there are actual medical reasons for one stance to be factually incorrect so taking an “all sides” stance is... fucking tone deaf. To be fair to them, I enjoyed the amount of meta that informed their episode about knowing that their episode was doing more harm than good and using Randy as a tool for that particular satire was a smart and effective mood. That said, it was a mixed message that promoted a lot of misinformation. While the meta parts were funny, lamp-shading how poor your satire is doesn’t actually make your satire good. It just means you’re lamp-shading the issue. It was disappointing because I had hoped for better as they frequently write good satire. Stan’s character journey was the only cohesive one throughout the episode and while it was a good one, there was so much of the episode that was tone deaf to the severity of this issue. While I think it’s valid to bring levity to the issue and I was hoping they would, they missed the mark by a long-shot. That said, they usually don’t do well with medical issues. The last time they bungled their satire this badly was the vaccination episode. And they infamously bungle literally every trans-related episode. There were aspects of the episode that were poignant, well thought out, and well executed, but the majority was an under-researched in-cohesive mess. Which to some extent I think that’s what they were aiming for because they view the pandemic as an in-cohesive mess. The issue is that one of the reasons that pandemic is such a pervasive issue (especially in the states) is the mass spread of misinformation so when they spread misinformation to criticize the spread of misinformation... it’s just stupid.

However on a character level I very much enjoyed the episode. It was yet another Randy focused episode and as I’ve expressed on a few occasions I just don’t find him funny. Oh no, he jizzed on the weed, that’s sooooo surprising. Honestly Randy is a very one-note character. He does something horrifying, people are horrified, he faces no consequences, rinse, repeat. That all established, I think it’s important character information that he cheated on Sharon twice in China with no guilt whatsoever. He only wanted to hide his crime because “my wife is a bitch”. Also considering he cheated with non-human entities, I think this is strong proof of Rowelie’s viability so take that as you will Rowelie shippers. Also the fact that people grow Randy mustache’s if they ingest his cum and Sharon had a mustache at the end... I sort of hate that Randy took that as proof that she smoked his weed. Now, even if she had smoked it his behavior still is completely and disgustingly inexcusable but also... everyone in South Park is openly smoking so she could have very easily gotten second hand Randy-stache. Or just given her husband a blow job. Also it’s interesting information that within universe Randy’s cum has mutagenic properties. Again for the Rowelie shippers: you could use this as an excuse as to how Towelie turns into a human, Randy’s cum mutated him. Also I think it’s likely that microwaving his balls could be what caused his radioactive jizz. Or one of the times he was experimented on by aliens. Or both. Altogether Randy was a repulsive bastard within the episode who I find boring at best BUT the amount of meta information that he introduced will be very useful to inform my theories. (Also again, the fact that he so easily and guilelessly cheats on Sharon tells me that he that he has done it a multitude of times. My theory is that after he gave Gerald a handy in the hot-tub and was forgiven he just never stopped, basically assuming the permission to do it once was broad permission to do it forever) (oh and second note: this is the second time within canon that Randy has poisoned people’s weed so uh... that’s fucked up)

Freaked out a lot about Jimbo dying, I’m really scared they’ll kill Jimbo but also since they already killed Ned I wonder if the two of them can be happy in the afterlife together because no one can convince me that Jimbo and Ned aren’t canon. Also Randy’s blatant racism and lack of empathy for Jimbo’s illness was really yikes. I dunno guys, I’ve always had a soft spot for Jimbo. He’s a stupid stereotypical red-neck but he had a sort of charm to him and I thought he was funny. I miss when him and Ned were regulars on the show.

CARTMAN DANCING AND SINGING WAS ACTUALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER ON THIS FUCKING EARTH, FIGHT ME I LOVE THIS STUPID SELFISH LITTLE CRETIN also it’s yet another episode to add to the list of “times Cartman shows he can grow into a better person” and list of “times Cartman seems to show a special soft spot for Stan”. Cartman does tend to listen more frequently when Stan asks and less frequently for literally anyone else. So the Stanman was strong in this one. Also really enjoyed the Stutters. While yes, Stan was completely using Butters as a tool to project his own feelings of unease I think it really says something that he chose Butters for that role. I think to some extent he felt that Butters might be feeling the same mortality-panic he was feeling (whether it was true or not) and that kinship he felt with Butters led him to feel that Butters was also feeling the way he did. He was panicked and he thought out of all his friends that Butters was the one who might share his feelings. I enjoy that sort of subtle connection between them and it’s been a consistent thread within the show that Butters and Stan just treat each other a little different than they do literally everyone else. It’s worth thinking about.

I think Stan was also at his limit because he was already suffering from isolation issues due to Tegridy Farms from before the pandemic. He’s always been a social boy and this brought him to the brink of what he could handle.

THEY SHOT TOKEN AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV I THINK I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBORS i fucking knew it was coming too. The fucking SECOND they shoved those fucking corrupt ass cops in the same room as Token.... I fucking feared for his life. They’ve killed off fairly major background characters before and killing Token would be... topical. I will make it my mission to personally destroy every fucking cop in South Park (Barbrady gets a pass... BARELY). I hate them all. I’ve hated them all for a long time but they murdered several children (including Kenny, the bastards) and they SHOT MY BOY TOKEN I WILL RIP OFF THEIR FUCKING ARMS SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SHOOT THEN YOU TRASH BASTARDS

Nothing big Kenny happened this episode, insert sad fanboy noises

There were some strong Kyman moments. Cartman went to Kyle’s house for help at the beginning of the episode, obsessed over whether or not he’d be in the same room as Kyle, tried to vomit on Kyle, AND THEN KYLE FUCKING JUMPED HIM AND BEAT HIS ASS DOWN, FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO INCORRECTLY THINK DIFFERENT KYLE IS A FUCKING DOMINANT TOP, HE DOESN’T TAKE IT, HE GIVES IT

Adding that to my long list of “episodes where Kyle shows he isn’t a pushover, is very violent, and can easily kick Cartman’s bitch ass” because every so once in awhile I have to break out that list when someone insists upon how submissive Kyle is. Bitttttttccchhhhhh, you haven’t watched the show if you think that. My favorite kid doesn’t take your shit

Very interested in Red’s new canon last name (McArthur) but I’m also unsure about it because in the scene’s where it’s shown I couldn’t quite tell if it was actually Red or Powder. She kept being shown from odd angles and her hair looked a little shorter than normal. That said, I’m happy if it is her because I’ve been wanting a canon last name for Red for a long-ass time. Even presuming you go by the cousin’s headcanon for Craig and Red, there’s no guarantee they would have the same last name.

Let’s see, I think I had some other thoughts but those were the main points

OH PAUSE THE SCREEN WHEN THE PARENTS ARE ON ZOOM it’s really cute/funny what the usernames are. For example Annie’s mom is totally just using Annie’s account so she’s probably not very tech savvy. There’s actually a lot of minor character detail that you can infer from those screen-names.

Yeah those are my major thoughts: Randy is trash, nothing new, Cartman was ADORABLE and also lots of good meta for him (I have some hcs that one of the reasons he adored the social distancing so much isn’t because he hates human contact because we know from previous seasons that he’s a bit of a lonely boy, but he likes the social distancing explicitly because it gives him an excuse to reject other people before they can reject him), good stutters moments, good kyman moments, good stanman moments, there were some style moments if you squint? Kyle was one of the people Stan consulted about his feelings of unease but since it wasn’t just Kyle that he consulted it didn’t really feel like that was a special personal part of their relationship, moreso that he wanted Kyle to kiss his booboo and make it better. Although further proof that Kyle is the dom in that relationship. Kyle was agitated over the situation but overall rational, Stan was flipping the fuck out. Stan came to him submissive, scared, and asking for Kyle to make him feel better. Kyle remained calm and logical. I swear to god if I read one more cutesy-innocent Kyle post I might flip a table. Literally Kyle’s canonical self is RIGHT THERE

OH YEAH MY BUTTERS THOUGHTS there’s nothing really new here but it continues the trend of Butters being a self centered prick. (I love him but he is) Instead of even trying to understand the number of people dying or the gravity of the situation, he’s just upset and throwing tantrums because he doesn’t get to play at Build a Bear. And it’s made explicit in the writing that unlike Stan he isn’t struggling with the nebulous fear of death (probably brought on by his uncle getting sick). Butters is just bitter that he doesn’t get to have special things. Also Stan was the only one who tried even a little to save Butters from getting taken by the guards. No one else tried to stop or warn Butters. So again, very cute Stutters moment where Stan is overtly worried for Butters’ well-being even when he’s throwing a bratty tantrum. (I don’t know how anyone perceives Butters as an altruistic person, he’s a selfish twat. he’s a lovable selfish twat, like Cartman, but he’s still a selfish twat. and none of his shitty behavior in this episode was even remotely related to Cartman so you can’t connect it to him. Butters, on his own and without anyone else’s influence, does and acts like a shit-head). There is the excuse that he’s only ten but literally everyone in that cafeteria is only ten. But Butters is the only one kicking other people’s food because he didn’t get his special prize.

This all sounds like I hate Butters. I love Butters, warts and all, I just get really annoyed when fandom ignores his warts because his warts are PART OF THE REASON I LOVE BUTTERS. Also it’s like... blatantly and observably canon that he’s selfish.

I’m going to happily ruminate on Stan feeling a strong pang of protectiveness towards Butters though. That was quite illuminating.

#official ooc tag #official ask tag #timmytimmytomcats

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