#yes I miss y’all and yes I cannot interact sometimes

[bamboozledchaos]

Period’s draining my energy to interact here 🥲 thought it was over but it isn’t according to the schedule

Also just inability to type or speak sometimes

[sanaxo-o]

Here I present you all my mutuals/moots whom I adore a lot no matter what 🥺

Lacey 💗 @haet-sal : Masterlist

How do I start? She was truly the first mutual I made here and also the one who I got really close with. I adore her a lot no matter what and she is just the sweetest. She is also like one of the strongest people I have known and seen. She is always just so genuine with me. My bubba 💗. I miss you all the damn time 😽.

Nara 🐒 @o-onikix : Masterlist

She is sweet yes but a kid sometimes 🧍‍♀️. But most of the time she is like a mother istg. She can go feral anytime (it’s me most of the time but let’s not talk about that) still I adore and love her a lot. But give her stories a look y’all! They won’t disappoint you at all!

Ally 🌥️ @winterchimez : Masterlist

What can I say about her? Okay to start of she is like one of the sweetest person. I love how she is always so easy to approach no matter what. Even tho I trouble her a little (lot) by sending Sangyeon stuff (it is purely out of love) I still adore and admire her a lot.

Dora 🌻 @littleroaes : Masterlist

What can I say? She is just so adorable 😭. Tbh I am glad I approached you in your DMs that day 🤧 if not I would not have known just how great you’re. I mean I have always looked up to your stories and now I look up to her as a person too because of how genuine, kind and sweet she is.

Clo 🌸 @cloverdaisies : Masterlist

I have known clo as a writer since forever. I am still in love with her chanhee fic (1984, available on her Wattpad account) and when I got to know she is moots with ally I totally started fangirling over clo (I still do) and I will never stop talking about how sweet and funny she is.

Moni 🦋 @zzoguri : Masterlist

Okay first off all, she is like the sweetest person ever?? She tops of EVERYONE when it comes to that. Second of all her stories are to die for because of how great they’re. I am still not over her Changmin fic 👯‍♂️. Giving her compliments is not enough 🤧.

Marty 🐸 @stealanity : Masterlist

My mom, my world, my everything 💗. She is truly just so caring and precious and if that’s not everything her stories make me fall in love with her more. (Only I can call her Marty btw) and even tho she calls me a menace (I am not) I still love her a lot because I can never not love her. She just..take my heart 🥹🤏.

Beam 🐣 @sungbeam : Masterlist

Okay I will reveal something very embarrassing, I was truly VERY intimidated by beam first. Idk why but when I interacted with her more I just saw how sweet and funny she is 🫠. And when you feel like you know her truly she will just do something more unhinged 🧍‍♀️💃.

Fawn 🌺 @juyeonszn : Masterlist

If you follow her blog you must have always seen me dying over her stories (I am still seated for What is love btw) because to be honest they are just so great. Words cannot describe that. She is truly also very sweet 🤧.

Dal 🥀 @hongyangi : Masterlist

I will fangirl about her stories first, okay (deep breaths) HOW DO I START OFF?? THEY ALL ARE JUST MWAH. I will always look forward to her stories no matter what because of how great they are. If you see me kicking my feet and screaming just think that it’s because of Dal hehe and then, she is also such a great friend. She is just so sweet, crazy, kind you name it.

Cheegu 😽 @cheegu3 : Masterlist

I recently discovered her because of her Sunwoo fic and I am telling you, I fell in love with her writing so much not to say she is also so sweet, kind and understanding. Whenever she posts something I take a deep breath in because I know that I would be devouring whatever it was and she is also a yandere writer like me so 💃.

Bar 🦄 @sohnric : Masterlist

Lemme tell you, I love you a lot and I am not lying about it at all. But I will be honest, her works are to like DIE for. Especially since I have been getting in my Eric era (let’s not tell Chanhee) I have been reading everything about him alot lately. And as a person to bar is really sweet and her vibes are just very sweet hehe.

Shay 🌾 @enhazen : Masterlist

I have known shay for a very long time. We were in the same group chat and I will tell you, I have seen her growth in writing and it’s just been so great to be moots with someone like her. Shay is also like THE sweetest person out there.

Maya 🪷 @kimsohn : Masterlist

Maya is like the definition of “A friend in need is a friend indeed” 🤓. I actually read her Sunwoo Drabble recently and it was just so cute 🫠😭. I was melting lol. And they are also very sweet from what I know. I would love to get close with her 💞.

Daisy 🌼 @daisyvisions : Masterlist

I like knew Daisy even before she joined the network and she is like so sweet hehe. Her works are to die for (obviously) because the way her works would always make me want a partner 🥹🫠.

Mona ✨ @quaissants : Masterlist

Mona is like..so sweet 🤧. She is someone whom I would adore and admire a lot even from afar. And me and Mona are always there to bully (love) ally hehe. Even her works are adorable 🫠😭.

Moon 🌑 @beautifulchris : Masterlist

Moon’s story are to die for. I remember coming across her Beomgyu blurb once and I just fell in love with her writing 🫠. Even tho we’re not that close yet I would love to get to know her more!

Liz 🍙 @minho-hoho : Masterlist

I remember Liz being the first moot I made here. Even tho her account is closed now you guys can always take a look at her blog! She was truly one of the best writers out there and she was also very sweet 💞.

Izzy ☀️ @from-izzy : Masterlist

My pookie 😚, the sweetest actually hehe. The way I can always like totally rely on her just makes me melt 🤧. Not only that even her stories are so sweet. The way she manages to capture the attention and emotions of the readers 💗. Even tho atm I have only read her Sunwoo timestamp I just melted on the spot because of how comforting it was. Plz do show some support to my pookie <3

Gill 🐧 @astrae4 : Masterlist

My child ☹️, my Chanhee girlie for life <3. To start off she’s the cutest and I can always simp (die) over Chanhee with her no matter what 😈. We both always trouble (me mostly) izz but hey! I am the favourite parent for a reason :) aside from that I am literally always there to protect my precious baby 🥺. Support her works to because they all are to die for 😩.

K 👻 @deobienthusiast : Masterlist

My valentine (or are you 😐?) idk who’s side she is mostly on…sometimes she is up for my antics or sometimes she puts fuel on fire…(no guys, sometimes we’re both a menace. Just take a look at the Changmin train we had..) aside from that she’s the sweetest 🥺 and her fics (especially the Eric one 😭. Ihy for making it so angsty) are to die for :)

Lennon 🍋 @strayed-quokka : Masterlist

DONT GET MAD AT ME LENLEN 🥺🥺. I love you so much :( on a serious note Lennon and I got so close so quickly it’s CRAZY. Her energy and way of getting close to others is cute 🥺. I love her so much and the thing is I have once read her fic and was a huge fan of her since then :) and now that we’re such great moots I couldn’t ask for more hehe. And plz let me still be your beta lenlen 🥺

[secretlittl3whore]

Not a Nightmare

Summary: You’re reminiscing over the last year when you hear Bucky having a dream in the other room, but it’s not the kind of dream you were expecting.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: smut! Unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your Willy). A little angsty first. Swear words. 18+ y’all please!

Enjoy my sweet nymphs. As always, you can request ;)

——

His nightmares kept him up most nights. It had been that way since i had connected with him in South America. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier anymore, he really didn’t even know who he was, except what he could glean from the Captain America exhibit and from what I could share of what Steve had told me. Part of me wondered if I made the right decision to follow him instead of returning to America, but when he recognized me and in the two weeks I was down there, attempted multiple interactions with me, I couldn’t deny him when he asked me to stay. I wish I understood why he asked.

Now here we are in Bucharest. Times are calmer for him, but the nightmares...they’re worse than anything I expected. Sometimes, he will awake screaming at night. Others he’s trying to fight some imaginary enemy and doesn’t wake till he’s forced. On occasion, I have been the victim of a night terror. His vibranium arm crushing my throat or him slamming me into the floor. Bucky always felt like shit afterwards, no matter what I said. At one point he tried to kick me out of his apartment and his life, saying he was too dangerous for me. I sat outside the door for six hours, listening to him cry. When I finally had knocked, he practically ripped the door of the hinges to grab me back in. He dropped to his knees that day, his arms wrapped around me as he buried his tear covered face against my stomach. It broke me to see him in such a vulnerable position. I remember running my hands through his hair for what seemed like forever until his grip around me loosened and his arms fell limply to his sides.

“Why did you stay? After, after all I’ve done?” His voice broke, as more tears slid down his face. My own eyes welled with tears as I kneeled in front of him. Slowly and gently, I took him in my arms, pulling him against me. Bucky tensed for a minute, but then slowly wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I went back to running my fingers in his hair, contemplating my response.

“Because I want to be here for you. In every way possible.” A silent sob racked his body and I felt more of his weight on me as he crumpled. Bucky laid his head in my lap and brought his flesh hand to rest on my hip. He kept his vibranium on the floor, away, fear radiating from the way he curled it away from me. “Give me your hand Bucky.” He raised his head off my lap with wide open eyes.

“But...” he started to protest, but i shushed him, placing my finger on his lips.

“I’m here for you in every way.” I emphasized the last two words with a small smile. I wasn’t afraid of him and I certainly wasn’t afraid of his arm. “That means,” I reached for his hand and took the cool metal fingers within mine, “you don’t have To worry about keeping yourself from me.” Reluctantly he allowed me to bring his arm up to my lips. I knew he couldn’t feel it, but I kissed his had, listening to the soft whirs and enjoying the feel of the cool metal against my lips. Bucky continued to cry for a while more, my sleep shorts practically soaked and my legs so numb that I was probably going to have to crawl to bed. But he never let go, never moved his head, and never tried to remove his arm from my grasp.

Since that day, he has been exceedingly touchy with me. It was clear he was touch starved, I would be too, if all i ever knew was a harsh hand. I started to notice it when I had just returned from the market with groceries one day. I swore he had been asleep on his makeshift bed and I was trying to be as quiet as I could, but then felt a presence and a hand on the small of my back. I threw him a small smile over my shoulder before returning to my task. He stayed there for the entire time I put the groceries away, leaning against the fridge door and absentmindedly rubbing the exposed skin of my back. It was the hardest fucking lesson to learn, but I finally had enough willpower to not jump when he placed his cold fingers against my skin. I honestly loved the feeling of his metal pads dragging softly against the small of my back, but gosh dang were they freezing! Even despite the fact that he wore gloves almost all the time.

Nonetheless, i started to notice it more and more after this. Him standing close to me, having his hand on me at any point (or simply just brushing it against me), sitting near me, and my favorite, him laying his head on my lap when I’m sitting in the couch.

Had I fallen in love with the super soldier? I cannot deny it.

—

A whimper from the living room ripped me from my head. I sat up in the bathtub, trying to see if the sound was just in my head. Another whimper told me it wasn’t. I wrapped myself in a robe and padded softly into the living room where Bucky slept.

He wasn’t thrashing around, but his face was contorted in an expression I couldn’t read. Suddenly, a small moan left his lips and I just about swooned. What was this man dreaming about? At that moment, his blanket fell to the side and I averted my eyes respectfully, but definitely didn’t miss the tent that had formed in his sweat pants. I turned to walk away but then he moaned again, this time saying a name...my name.

I felt hot, not just in my face, but also in between my legs. He was dreaming about me? I almost didn’t believe it, but the man said my name yet again. Fine, if he says it again...

“Y/n...” Bucky moaned, a little louder this time. Damn it. Mustering all my confidence, I walked over to the sleeping man. It was a risk, and I knew it, but I’ll be damned if I lied to myself and said I didn’t want this man. Kneeling beside his bed, I gently brushed some of the hair out of his face. The super soldier startled awake and grabbed my hand harshly, breathing raspy. “y/n...what?” Voice sleepy.

“You were dreaming.” I said simply. He sat up quickly and pulled the blanket over himself, averting his eyes from my gaze. “Bucky,” he still refused to look at me. “Do you want me?” Bucky immediately snapped his eyes to mine, a clear and potent blush on his face. I heard him swallow hard before replying in the most quiet of voice,

“Yes.” Inwardly I celebrated as loudly as I could, but I kept cool on the surface. I surged forward and captured his lips. He responded immediately, moving his lips against mine. Without breaking the kiss, I straddled his lap wrapping my arms around his neck. Tentatively, he brought both hands to my hips. I licked his bottom lip and invaded his mouth when he opened. He moaned into my mouth as my tongue danced with his. When I pulled back, our breaths were short. His blue eyes glistened with tears,

“Are you sure you want me?” If it had been any other moment, I probably would’ve just cried and held him in my arms, but there was such a confidence within myself that I decided against such a meek answer. Instead, I pulled at the tie of my robe. Bucky almost instantly grabbed my hands, his eyes wide. “What are you doing?”

“Showing you just how much I want you.” As he relaxed his hands, I pulled the robe off. The cold air within the apartment perked my nipples. Bucky’s eyes traveled my body, but he didn’t move. Slowly, I led his hands to my chest. His metal hand played a dangerous game of temperature play with my breasts and a moan escaped from me. My cunt ached and I knew that I was wet from anticipation.

That moan must’ve given him some sort of confidence because he started to knead the fleshy mounds. He then dipped his head low and took a nipple into his mouth.

“Buck,” I moaned. His tongue laved over the nipple and I felt his teeth pull gently. I was a raspy, moaning mess by the time he switched over to the other nipple. Need friction. Taking his flesh hand from my breast, I guided it down to my aching cunt. Bucky stopped his lavishes on my nipple as he stared at me.

“I’m...” Bucky averted his gaze, “I’m out of practice.” Before he could get into his head and start comparing himself to his 1940s version, I kissed him deeply.

“So am I, we’ll learn together.” Bucky inhaled deeply and dropped his head to my shoulder. A finger touched my sensitive nub and I jerked. He started circling that area with his thumb as his other fingers explored, gathering wetness. A finger entered me and I gasped at the feeling. Another entered. Moving in and out, curling, and gently stretching me. I was a moaning mess at his musings. A white flash smashed my vision as he hit a certain spot within me and I moaned loudly. Bucky started kissing and licking my shoulders and neck, marking the skin as he paid attention to this spot within me. My moans spurned him on as he quickened his pace, still making sure to play with my clit.

“Buck...Bucky.” His name a mantra on my lips as I grasped his hair, my head falling backwards. His metal arm reached around my back, holding me in place. My orgasm was building, toes curling, that warmth within my belly. His fingers pumped and curled, edging me to the end. In a another flash of white It surged through me and I came on his fingers.

He looked surprised and proud of himself as he brought his soaked fingers to his lips. I almost came again as I watched him lick each one clean. His pupils blew out and he pulled my face to his, smashing his lips against mine. Tongue surged past my open lips, bringing the taste of me. Bucky lifted me off his lap and gently turned us around, laying me on his bed, but never breaking the kiss. He worked his pants off.

I pulled back from the kiss, my lungs screaming for air. He leaned upwards and I finally caught the full show. His dick was massive, too swollen and red. The veins popping. And fine curly hair at the base. He was Definitely bigger than I have ever had. I gingerly reached out and wrapped my fingers around him. Shit, he was thick, I could hardly touch my middle finger to my thumb. I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, mouth opened just a bit, and his hands were in his hair.

“Buck?” I brought his attention to me and he released his hands from his hair. “What’s wrong?” He had tears in his eyes again.

“I don’t want to be something you regret y/n.” He cried. I reached upwards and guided him down to my lips. His tears dropping onto my cheeks.

“Never. I’ll never regret you. I love you.” I whispered into his ears. Bucky froze. Oh shit, did I go to far?

“Say it again.” He spoke finally, still frozen in place, his ear next to my lips. I swallowed hard before repeating,

“I love you.” Bucky reached down between us, pumped himself twice, before lining himself up at my entrance. He pushed forward gently. Even with just the tip inside, I could already feel the stretching. He entered more, going slow. Bucky and I moaned loudly as he became fully sheathed inside. I grasped at his shirt, feeling full. There was a dull pain within my cunt and I breathed through it, the pain finally turning to pleasure. Almost as he could sense it, Bucky started to move. The rhythm was slow at first, him enjoying and getting reacquainted to the feeling.

My entire being felt jolted with every roll of his hips. His pubic bone was hitting my clit so perfectly that even at this slow pace, I was sure that he would throw me over the edge again. Bucky leaned closer to me, making sure to keep his weight on his forearms, and buried his head within my neck again. Wrapping my legs around his waist, i fisted my hand within his hair. He groaned and snapped his hips hard against me. The sound that left my mouth was pornographic, and he definitely liked it. Bucky started snapping his hips into me at a bruising pace, drawing moan after moan. I was incoherent, arching my back into him. He suddenly grabbed my hand from his back and thrusted it against the bed, holding it at the wrist. His metal hand hoisted my hips higher, and at the angle he was going, he was smashing into that special spot. I came in an instant, screaming loudly.

He didn’t let up his pace. Pulling out almost entirely before slamming back in. Both hands were now at my hips, gripping hard. There would be bruises in the morning. Groans and moans were rushing past his lips as he powered through, his stamina definitely a byproduct of the super soldier serum. Another orgasm built within me and he leaned over my ear,

“Fuck y/n, I can feel you clenching. Can you give me another doll?” I threw my head back as he bit into my neck.

“Bucky!” I cried as the orgasm came. Bucky slowed his pace, pressing open mouth kisses to my skin. He then began to work a mark into my neck. My body was on fire and really sensitive. I moaned loudly, fisting my hands into his shirt. For a moment I wondered why it was still on, but I figured that although he may be confident to be within me, he may not yet be confident to show me himself fully, and that was okay, we could work towards that. Once he was proud of the mark, he placed a loving peck to it before moving towards my face. Not an inch was left unkissed. He leaned his forehead against mine, blue orbs staring into mine.

“Ready?” He asked. I nodded slowly, kissing him gently. Bucky picked up his speed and this time, it was more brutal than before. Pubic bone smashing against the sensitive bundle of nerves, wet legs and balls slapping against skin making the most perverted of sounds. Bucky’s hands gripped mine. I arched into him again, writhing, unable to control myself at the amount of pleasure within. My moans were incoherent, his name slipping from my lips. Suddenly his hips stuttered and he slammed into me, wrapping his arms tightly around me and crushing me against his chest. His release came with my name on his lips, a string of soft repetition. For a while he held me, his cock warm within me. And then he pulled out, laying beside me. Sweaty bodies, heaving chests, and the smell of sex was an intoxicating combination. I felt drained, but happy.

Curling against him, I wrapped my leg around his hip, just to feel him against my cunt. Bucky reached down and pulled the blanket over us. As I felt sleep take over, Bucky pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you too Y/N.”

[hongism]

risky - p.jimin 18+

➻ pairing: jimin x reader

➻ wc: 2.3k im so sorry

➻ genre: fluffy crackhead flirting n smut

➻ rating: nsfw

➻ warnings: public fingering, fingering with rings on, risque~, alcohol involved

➻ summary: you meet jimin in a bar and try to hit on him. it doesn’t end how you thought it would.

➻ @yolokoo​ asked:

“HEOLO CALYSPOA I WOULD LIKE JIMIN AND COCK(tail) AND HOT COCHOLCATE PLEASE MISS”

+

➻ @jintobean​ asked:

“hewwo mIGHT I HAVE SOME WINE AND VODKA FOR mishter jimin where y/n is hitting on him but he’s clueless and thinks y/n is a waiter or something absurd and somehow he ends up liking her and complains that she never made a move. ILY THANK YOU”

➻ a/n: y’all im so sorry idek what happened i have nothing to say for myself tbh

☽     ☾

“Hey, come here often?” You greet with a surprising amount of confidence exuding from your figure. You place one hand on the table, leaning over to look at the man with peach-colored hair. His features are even more stunning up close like this, and you cannot believe that your friend convinced you to do this. You blame the alcohol current running through your system; liquid confidence as some would call it. You have to agree with that statement now, because if you were one hundred percent sober you never would have walked over to this table in the first place.

“O-Oh, not really,” the man stutters in response. A pretty blush paints his round cheeks, a rosy hue that glimmers under the bar’s yellow lights. A wave of arousal rushes to your core just from the sight of the man blushing, and you again blame the damn alcohol in your system.

“That’s such a shame. I was hoping you could show me around some.” You pout and pull your arm off the table to glance at his tablemates. There are two other men with him, although they are far too preoccupied with the drinks in front of them to notice you. The pretty boy laughs, a nervous sound that dies in the din of the bar within moments.

“Co-Could I get some water?” He inquires. “Maybe?”

You don’t know what you’re doing when you say yes. You don’t work here. Hell, you’ve never even been here before. You aren’t wearing any sort of uniform either, but the man must be too tipsy himself to realize that fact. So, in your tipsy state, you agree and spin on your heel to head back to the bar for his requested water.

“Two waters please, bartender,” you request once you reach the wood. Part of you hopes that the man is watching your backside as you move. A one-night stand with the likes of a man that attractive is far too tantalizing for you to pass up, and you can only hope that he feels the same way about you. The bartender passes the drinks your way, and you snatch them up with a bright smile. As you walk back over to the peach haired man, you shoot a wink over to where your friends sit, watching from a distance as you shoot your shot.

“T-Thank you,” the man says as you place one of the waters in front of him.

“Can I join you?” You ask all of a sudden, motioning towards the empty space beside him. The man blinks up at you, and confusion shines clearly on his features. You don’t give him much opportunity to stay confused because you slide across the booth to be beside him. “I’m Y/N, and you are?”

“Oh, uh, Jimin. Park Jimin. Do you – I-I’m sorry, but do you work here?”

“Do I…” You trail off. It’s your turn to be confused and you aren’t sure how this miscommunication started when all you did was try to flirt with the man. “What? No. Uh, it’s my first time ever coming here.”

“Oh! Damn, I-I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, no! It’s totally okay. I’ve been mistaken for worse things than waitress.” You wink as you say the words, and Jimin’s eyes widen as your implications shine through.

“Ah, well, I understand that feeling. Sometimes they aren’t far from the truth though.” Jimin’s words slur a little as he guzzles some water. You watch his Adam’s Apple bop as he swallows, almost wanting to reach out and drag your fingers over the small bulge. You resist thankfully; it would be a terribly strange thing to do especially when he has two friends sitting directly across the table.

“What do you mean?” You ask instead, trying to divert the conversation so that you don’t have to think about touching his milky white skin.

“I’m a male stripper,” Jimin says as though it’s the most casual thing in the world. You choke on air at first then try to recover by gulping down some water, only to choke on that as well. Jimin glances over at you, concern shining clearly in his eyes. “A-Are you okay?” He reaches out to touch your shoulder, fingers meeting bare skin, and it’s like a thousand little jolts of electricity shoot through your whole body. You recover from the coughing fit to stare at him in wonder.

“You – you’re a stripper? I…wow, I never would’ve guessed.”

Jimin all but cackles upon hearing your words. “What on earth makes you say that?”

You flush as his gaze falls over you, a sudden heat to his eyes that has you melting already.

“Y-You just seem… you seem a bit shy.” All the confidence you had earlier dissipates, blown away in the wind by Jimin’s newly revealed nature. His full lips curl into a smirk. It’s almost like he’s treating your interaction like a game, a predator hunting its prey and toying with it before the final meal. Jimin drops a hand to the table and lets it linger near his glass of water. His fingers drum against the wood in no particular rhythm but it feels like your heart is racing along to the same beat.

“Shy, huh? I get that a lot. Many people think that of me prior to seeing me in action.”

“Se-Seeing you in action? Yea, yea, stripping. Yea. In action.” You struggle to get the words out, clothes feeling ten times tighter now, and you press your thighs together at the thought of seeing Jimin in action.

“You’re so cute. Girls like you are so easy to read.” Jimin chuckles and brings a finger under your chin. He lifts it ever so slightly yet you follow the motion like a dog being given a treat. Hot breath ghosts over your lips as he leans closer to you. Just when you think his lips are going to brush over yours, he ducks past your mouth and touches the shell of your ear with his lips instead. “So easy to get hot and bothered with only the slightest glance. It’s adorable.”

You swallow roughly, unable to formulate any proper words. Jimin continues to mouth at your ear. His breath cascades over your skin and causes chills to run down your spine.

“You were so confident when you came to the table, baby girl.” A wave of heat rushes to your core. You clench your thighs together so hard that it hurts but Jimin doesn’t relent. “Where did all that confidence go?” His tongue darts out and drags across your ear. You feel the ball of a piercing running over your skin and have to suppress a moan at the idea of Jimin having a tongue piercing.

One of Jimin’s hands snakes down from the table and hesitates over your thigh.

“Is this okay?” He asks, voice almost husky. You give a subtle nod. You’re far too wary of the two men sitting across the table. While they don’t seem interested in what you and Jimin are doing, you know that could change in the blink of an eye, and you don’t want to risk them seeing you in this state. Still, you have to admit that there is a certain rush to being caught with Jimin’s hand rushing up your thigh. “Words, baby girl. I can’t read your mind.”

“Yes,” you whisper as quietly as you can. Jimin’s fingers clench around your thigh once you mutter the word, cold metal from his rings a sharp contrast to the warmth of his fingers. You whimper ever so slightly. Jimin picks up on it, a low chuckle passing through his lips as he watches you squirm under his touch.

“God, you’re so adorable when flustered like this,” he hisses against your ear. As he speaks, his hand travels further up your thigh, slipping under the material of your dress to find the source of your arousal. His fingers brush over the damp spot on your underwear, and you release another small noise. “I want to see you unravel under my touch.”

Your teeth sink into your quivering lip, trying to keep any further sounds at bay. Embarrassment burns at your skin, and Jimin’s touch persists, dragging over the damp spot with the lightest pressure. It’s enough to be teasing and cause small shocks of pleasure to radiate from your core every once in a while.

All of a sudden Jimin sits back and reaches for his water with his free hand. The other one pushes your panties to the side, revealing your sopping core. He doesn’t hesitate in dipping his fingers into your heat and pushes past the thick strands of arousal to reach your hole. All the while, he sips at his water as though nothing else is going on. Once he takes a large gulp, he faces you again, this time with a teasing smirk to his lips.

“So, Y/N, what do you do for a living?” He asks. Your eyes widen in shock at the question, baffled that he even wants to attempt conversation while his fingers are in your pussy like this. You neglect to respond for a few moments. Jimin’s lips curve down ever so slightly, and his fingers pull away from your heat. You desperately try to keep them in place with your own but he swats your hand away before you can. A high-pitched whine escapes you. Jimin’s eyes grow darker as lust washes over him.

“I-I, uh, I’m–” You can barely speak because as soon as you begin to, Jimin’s fingers push back against your core, one finger dipping into you while his ringed thumb toys at your clit. “I work at a clothing store. Retail. I’m in graduate school full-time.”

“Ah, a smart woman.” Jimin smiles. He turns to the men sitting across the table as he drags his ring over your clit in small circular motions. “Guys, this is Y/N. I think you both were too preoccupied with your drinks to meet her.”

You can’t believe that he’s introducing you while he is knuckle deep in your pussy, but it’s painfully obvious that he intends to carry out an entire conversation while like this just based upon the persistence of his touch.

“H-Hi,” you manage to stutter out. You cannot bear to look the two men in the eye, the burning shame of what’s going on under the table too much to handle.

“What did you say you were studying at graduate school, Y/N?” Jimin asks. He tilts his head in your direction. A playful gleam flashes across his eyes as he pushes a second finger into your core. The curve of his rings drags against your walls, and you instinctively clench around him.

“U-Uh, biology. I’m doing – studying biology.”

“Oh wow! That sounds super neat!” One of Jimin’s companions says, a broad smile stretching across his lips. You mean to respond with a smile of your own but the moment your lips part, Jimin curls his fingers in you and draws out a faint whine. You bite down on your tongue so hard that you think you might bleed. Neither man across the table comments, leading you to believe that they either didn’t notice or are choosing not to embarrass you in the open like this.

You can see Jimin’s lips curling into another devilish smirk as he hears your small noise. He curls his fingers even more, brushing against your sweet spot. He knows that he’s hit it by the way your breath hitches.

“So what do you wanna do with biology? Do you have any plans yet?” The same man persists in talking to you yet you want to do anything except talking at the moment because Jimin is bringing you closer and closer to the edge with his ministrations.

“I, uh, just you know…” You trail off to swallow roughly. Jimin’s fingers continue to fuck into you. “I w-wanna do something in the marine biology field! But if that doesn’t work out I’m u-using biology as a safety – ah, a safety net.” You nearly squeal as you conclude your sentence. Jimin brings you closer and closer to an orgasm, and you can almost taste it. It’s dangling in front of you. You zone out as the man across from you continues speaking, focused solely on chasing your orgasm. Then –

Nothing. Jimin’s touch disappears. He pulls his fingers out of you, flicks your underwear back in place, and acts as though he didn’t just finger you to near completion in the booth at some dingy bar. You whip your head in his direction, and he’s staring back at you with equal tenacity. A moment of silence passes. You can feel the heated stares of the men across the table but pay them no mind in favor of looking at Jimin.

“If you’ll excuse us both, I promised to take Y/N home tonight. She needs to go to bed early tonight, what with school and work.” Jimin nudges you out of the booth with his fingers that are still coated in the juices of your arousal. The look in his eyes tells you that you won’t be sleeping early at all tonight.

☽     ☾

[charcubed]

.

fine fuck it I’m making this a post rather than a tag rant because it was too long for tags and I hit publish and tumblr cut it off halfway sjdknfsjdf

(since this is an Actual Post now people can perceive: this is about Jensen’s IG caption today)

----

I need to say this somewhere publicly because I am slowly going insane:

Talking about / being excited about what celebrities choose to share with us about their private lives is very different in group chats or on Tumblr vs on a super public place like Twitter. Like FIRSTLY I do not know how to explain to people that the concept of “fangirling” over celebrities' lives at all is inherently a pushing of boundaries... and something none of us should be doing at all, quite frankly. THAT BEING SAID, yes I fully get it and I too am by far not immune to being excited when faves interact or are friends or collab or are in love or WHATEVER. People are fans of celebrities, this happens, etc. But objectively speaking it is weird that we get excited about any of that?? Like it shouldn't... matter. And I mention that in this context because imagine you were a celebrity and saw your relationships with people (platonic or otherwise) being ~celebrated~ by random strangers on the Internet. I personally would feel weird?? 

But ANYWAY, this is not to say that the idea of being happy about celebrity interactions / statements is inherently bad! Not really! But the APPROACH PEOPLE TAKE WITH THAT DOES IN FACT MATTER, AS WELL AS WHERE THAT APPROACH IS TAKEN. For example: Twitter is often not the place for it. Or more specifically: yes I'm sorry saying something like “reply ____ to trend it” about celebrities' LIVES is fucking weird. Whether or not you say it's harmless and “oh it won't actually trend”? Things have trended accidentally for less. 

And yes let me just show my hand: this is about 'Mish. Dee.' on Jensen’s post. (Which–not that I need to explain myself or anything but–I absolutely adore but am adoring it IN PRIVATE CHATS not ON THE GODDAMN TIMELINE. Someone was like “just because you don’t get excited–” and I’m like... lmao. Anyway.) A fan on Twitter was like “reply Mish. Dee. to this tweet to trend it” and I was like ??? or we could NOT do that? And then apparently me saying that that was... a bad idea... seemed to be a hot take for some people.

And so: I cannot explain to people that yes it is weird to ~celebrate celebrity friendship~ (?) to the extent of ~trending~ harmless nicknames, jokingly or otherwise. But why is it weird? Aside from the fact that it’s weird on principle because it’s not our business, and because seriously what are you even trying to accomplish by “trending” that (?), this is why: Because you cannot control how other people may or may not behave surrounding the topic of these people's personal lives. (Such as people who talk about cockles on main like fucking maniacs.) Because posting about it on main IN THAT WAY (repeated keywords) inherently runs the risk of other parties seeing it, being like “what’s all this then?” and then picking it up and running with it further. (Such as bibros, journalists, etc.)

People who may be like “these nicknames aren’t news and it’s just for fun and we love them” are missing alllllll of the above as very real points to consider, because Twitter posts are not as harmless/anonymous/unseen as people think. (Please see: Bill Clinton thing.) AND ALSO–here is the part that I cannot say on main and especially on Twitter partially because I am aware that it makes me sound fucking insane–with these celebrities specifically, yeah, I think there’s a higher risk involved because they seem to be IN A QUEER POLY RELATIONSHIP AND ARE CLOSETED ABOUT THAT. 

Like... ohhhh my God... I literally live in fear of the day when some random journalist starts poking around and connects the dots that are out there and are VERY EASY TO CONNECT, and then somehow CORNERS ONE OF THEM IN AN INTERVIEW about it. ESPECIALLY JENSEN. Like, this is what happened to Lee Pace! This is how many people are forced to come out! Do y’all not realize that we are at all times a stone’s throw away from this becoming a problem, especially since Jensen is about to get even more famous through The Boys!

Putting any celebrities’ personal lives under a microscope, whether unintentionally or otherwise, is never a good idea. Those posts do not exist in a vacuum or echo chamber the way people seem to think. Shit can get out of hand on Twitter dot com very easily. And so I am just like... for the love of God... be mindful about what you say and where you say and HOW you say it. In the same way that sometimes talking about J and M without using their actual names to avoid keywords is a better course of action (because they trend at the drop of a hat out of nowhere! Seriously, people!)... avoiding deliberate repetition like having 200 PEOPLE REPLYING TO ONE TWEET WITH ‘Mish. Dee.’ is also a good thing to keep in mind.

This all applies to any celebrities! This is a blanket good and important thing to be mindful about! But my God it is extra good to keep in mind for the sake of what these specific people seemingly have got going on over there in their lives. If you love their love (whether platonic or otherwise) and Jensen’s extremely cute nickname use... then don’t make a big fuckin deal about it where other people can see, for the sake of their comfort levels and the privacy they are allowed to have as human beings and just !!!!! for the sake of not being openly weird about the lives and the relationships of strangers you don’t know personally on a public platform!!!!!!!! Screams

really hope no one is reading this whole post LMAO

at least it’s out of my system now I guess

[meimi-haneoka]

While we see a comparison with SyaoSaku and Akiho/Kaito (They might need a ship name soon), there is also this interesting contrast. Even though SyaoSaku still needs to work on communication, they do have that great level of trust when they do interact. With Akiho/Kaito, we see them having casual conversation with little issue. But when things get serious or concerning, there is some level of dismissiveness and gaslighting from Kaito, much to Momo and all of our detriments.

Thank you very much for posing this question anon, as I think I haven’t said everything I wanted to say in my analysis post, and I will use this space to ramble a little bit more about “that side” of the parallelism in this last chapter...

(long rambling under the cut)

First thing first, they do already have a ship name! :D The japanese fandom has named them “YunaAki”. Why they chose “Yuna” over “Kaito” is not clear, it seems it sounded better. After all, we don’t know which is the given name and which is the last name. As it’s a fake name, it probably doesn’t matter.

Yes, I totally agree with you. I think, probably the whole meaning of the chapter was to show how different can be the outcome for two similar situations, if you keep your heart shut and don’t trust the person you’re supposed to care for.

As you said, Syaoran and Sakura still have some minor communication issues going on, but they’re working on them and they are solving the situation, this chapter was another proof of that. It’s incredible to think that most of the resistance actually comes from Sakura, but...

Syaoran has accepted and decided to be frank with Sakura, to the point of being even too blunt, sometimes. Sakura, instead, keeps sweeping her negative emotions under the carpet, but Syaoran is slowly pulling her out of that behavioral pattern.

What do we have on the other side, the YunaAki side?

We have, first of all, two battered souls who are trying to cope with their past, each in their own way.

One is doing her best to leave her past behind, with a positive attitude, and doesn’t let the occasional moments of discomfort to halt her progress. She might trip and fall because certain scars are simply too deep to heal in such a short time, but we see Akiho being stronger and stronger, everyday.

One...is basically just doing what Sakura does, sweeps everything under the carpet, the problem is that he doesn’t do that only with the negative emotions, he does that with everything. Even the emotions that are supposed to give him joy and happiness. He’s completely, impossibly shut in himself, and doesn’t let anyone in, not even the creature who is supposed to be his ally in his “quest”.

It’s very important to keep in consideration Akiho’s and Kaito’s pasts, when analyzing their behavior, because their pasts still have great influence on their mindsets. Akiho struggles to let go the “I’m good for nothing” mentality that her clan has engraved so deeply into her heart, while Kaito thinks he’s still that brooding, dull, aloof kid who used to walk down the hallways of the Association all alone, watched from a distance by all the other magicians.

In this chapter, those behavioral patterns came out completely in the sunlight.

But while Akiho took her own patterns and decided “I don’t want to be this way, I’ve already changed so much because of you and I want to help you in return”, activating a sort of “positive response”, Kaito saw her getting closer and insisted in barricading himself behind that thin wall that he’s built around his heart. 

It’s not by chance that I wanted to make the parallel with the SyaoSaku situation more obvious with the use of the “knocking on the door” metaphor, since that’s really what I felt when I’ve read the chapter.

We have a boy and a girl in love with someone and seeing that loved one in pain. Both kids try to be of help because they can’t stand to see them bearing all the burden alone. 

And that’s when trust comes into the picture.

I am saying trust, and not love, because I do think Kaito loves Akiho (and here I have to specify again that we don’t know what kind of love is, but at the very least he has affection for her).

While Sakura trusts Syaoran to the point of not losing faith in him even when he revealed to be the one who took the Sakura Cards, or even despite all the dreams with MCF Syaoran she’s having, Kaito doesn’t trust Akiho. He cannot trust her. He’s too afraid of what would entail to let Akiho closer than the safe distance they have right now.

There are many reasons for this.

One, the most obvious: he’s about to die. He is going to die and that, in his mind, is a certainty, because he needs to save her before it’s too late, and even if the time rewindings won’t kill him, probably the last taboo magic will.

There’s absolutely no point, in his head, to get closer to her.

Two, actually accepting her offer for help would mean that at some point he would have to explain why he’s so worn out, and all that’s behind it. With that, he would inflict on her a pain even greater than the one he’s living on his skin. He has carefully avoided to let her know *any* thing about the terrible spell that is at work on her, in order to give her a life as normal as possible, and he wouldn’t nullify that for anything in the world.

Three, he’s terribly afraid of human connections. To the point of turning himself blind to the beating and stirring of his heart. He’s still convinced that he doesn’t have a heart, just like when he was in the Association.

But Momo was clear: no matter how strong you are, or what kind of life you live, no one can ever stay the same, if they’re given the trigger to change. And Kaito has already had that, when he decided on that fateful day, “I’ll go”.

He just has to stop refusing to admit it.

It was painful to see him going in circles, in hope to avoid where Momo was getting at in chapter 51, and the saddest thing of it all is that it seems this is an automatic behavior, he seemed genuinely confused when Momo said “You missed something”. “Missed”, past tense.

Akiho is terribly scary to him, when she runs on her assertiveness and starts making questions. This was obviously not the first time and he knows that she’s damn observant when she wants. Everytime Kaito changed expression, everytime something was wrong with him, she always caught on.

Dammit, she loves him, what else is she supposed to do? She can’t turn a blind eye on him. 

But this is all too scary for him, because she demands a connection he’s afraid of. Letting someone inside of you means to see your comfortable, perfect, reassuring bubble getting turned upside down, because in a relationship of any kind, you are two, not one. Each with their own expectations, behaviors, personalities. While he has already changed his lifestyle to adapt to one that would be healthy for Akiho, he isn’t definitely ready (or so he thinks) to change his heart. And that’s why, when Akiho mentions that she has changed parts of her thanks to him, he is definitely triggered and literally runs away, interrupting her attempt to tell him “I’m here for you. Let me in. Tell me what’s wrong”.

He doesn’t want to hear that she changed thanks to him, because that would force him to realize that he’s changed too, thanks to her. And what’s more scary than aknowledging that you’re not the same person anymore, that you already have a seat ready in your heart with her name on it?

His feelings are most apparent in the “stupidest” things, like going all the way to cook character bento only for her (that's definitely, definitely, not a butler’s duty), or let nonchalantly slip “because it’s you” without even realizing what that implies (and making Akiho blush furiously) (talking only manga side here, the anime had one huge display of what he feels and we all know which scene it is).

You can well understand why Momo feels so frustrated with him, when the situation is in plain sight and yet he turns a blind eye on it.

So gaslighting and dismissive, we were saying. That’s his defensive reaction because he actually feels like the one attacked, in that moment.

And when he realizes that lies don’t work, he just panics, and instead of elaborating a better lie, he totally cuts her short and runs away. He could’ve said “Thanks Akiho-san, but I’m fine, really”. But no.

That explains quite well why he was shaking, after that. I know CLAMP have skillfully thrown that symptom among his conditions worsening, as soon as he left Akiho’s room, so everyone thinks he was shaking because he’s in terrible shape, and maybe it’s partly true, but I don’t think he would’ve been surprised, if the trembling was caused by his health. He knows he’s dying. He doesn’t wonder why he has heart attacks, he knows what causes them.

Instead, with this, he’s so confused that he even slightly laughs, like he can’t believe what he’s actually feeling.

This is gonna be a rough journey, for Kaito (and for us), because the more he goes on and the more his time narrows down, the more he seems on the brink of insanity. He needs someone interrupting this slippery slope by force, someone who understands where he is coming from, and understands his biggest problem of turning away his eyes from his heart.

Y’all know who I am talking about, right? :D

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 105

I’ve managed to get slightly ahead on these, so: A belated thank you to @littleshydragon, @dark-chocolat-cupcake, @overusedblur, and @allegrochicken for all the love I have seen blowing up my notes recently (I’m queuing this on Aug 25, even if it won’t post until Sept 8). 

Also, to the 30 new followers who I have somehow acquired: Welcome!  Ask box is always open, and I don’t get nearly enough of them.  I love to interact with y’all, so don’t be afraid to ask me every little question you think of as you read.  Anon is on if you feel you need that.

Other than that, thanks for this chapter goes out to @baelpenrose for beta reading.  Also @quantumizedinsanity, @charlylimph-blog, @wildforestferret, @creakingcryptid, for the characters you gave me to play with in chapters like this.

Later that same ‘day’, I was forcefully reminded of Noah’s observation regarding human communication.  Things were generally calm, and an impromptu family meal-snack-thing was happening in my quarters. Antoine had been over to visit, as he seemed to be making up for lost time caused by infiltrating Jokul’s accidental cult.  Zach and Hannah were over, as well, so when dinner time rolled around, I just threw together some small po-boy sandwiches and banh mi for us to snack on while we kept visiting, rather than making a full meal.

Hey, I was allowed lazy days, too.

As it happened sometimes, conversation turned to things we either did or didn’t miss from Before.  Tonight was very firmly in the ‘do not miss’ category.

“Plagues started by dumb experiments,” Maverick pointed out, smirking.

Catching on, Conor swatted him playfully. “I said I was sorry about that! And Else is an alright person, turns out.”

Snorting, Hannah covered her face with one hand. “Tell that to Nixe.”

“Her new tail is gorgeous,” I gushed. “If I got reparations like that, I’d at least consider forgiving someone.”

“For almost killing you?”

“It was an accident,” I brushed the comment off, reminded of explaining that gesture to Noah. “Besides, there are a lot of other things I genuinely don’t miss.”

“Aunt Flo,” Hannah intoned seriously.

“Tyche and I already did that one, so it’s not admissible,” I admonished. “But spoiled food? Do not miss.”

Zach shuddered. “Hell, that’s not even from Before. I don’t miss that at all.”

Antoine lifted his coffee in a mock-toast. “To all the people we lost to antibiotics.” After a few confused looks banded around the room, I laughed and waved at him to clarify. Rolling his eyes dramatically, he sighed. “Bread mold. This is why people died in the After of antibiotic allergies: they didn’t know it was derived from bread mold.”

“Dude, that’s dark,” Zach whispered.

Clearing his throat, Conor soldiered on. “I never lived through one, but wildfires were pretty bad, yeah?”

Nodding seriously, Maverick - who had lived on the western coast of NorthAm - added “Yeah, fuck THOSE things. Australia had it worse, but still.”

Raising her hand and waving it, Hannah started making eager noises to ask for her turn.  “Absolutely idiotic job requirements, am I right?” Nods abounded, and she took the opportunity to vent the spleen I hadn’t even guessed her to possess. “The number of jobs I didn’t get because I didn’t have a degree were absurd. I don’t even know why they even required them, for some!  I’m sure most of you had that happen.”

I kept my silence, but Conor was right behind her. “A Master’s in Engineering, to be a foreman.  You’re babysitting a bunch of knuckleheads pounding rebar and pouring concrete!  And they’ve had a decade of learning to do it right, I would’ve just been there to make sure it was compliant. And they wanted a Master’s for that!”

Hannah took a sip of her drink and nodded eagerly. “That’s what I’m talking about! There was a job I qualified for that was basically a glorified secretary… They wanted a four-year degree and paid peanuts. Absurd.  But I was unemployed for way more of my life than I should have been, because I didn’t have that piece of paper.”

Idly, Zach stared at his drink.  Like me, he had one of said-degrees, so this was something of a conversation we couldn’t really take part in. “I wonder how many Councillors we would have if those kind of requirements were put in place here.” Arching an eyebrow, he glanced up at me and inclined his head knowingly.

“Well,” I exhaled. “It depends. If they asked for a Master’s degree of any kind, I wouldn’t be a Councillor.” A thought struck me. “Hey - “

“No, Sophia, you cannot recommend that as a way to retire from the Council,” Antoine scolded with a laugh. “You would be grandfathered in with everyone else.”

The laughter broke the serious tone that had descended, and led to everyone speculating jovially, starting with Conor. “Well, we know Grey would still be a Councillor in that case - they admitted they had a PhD when Else was still getting sorted, rather than an MD.”

“Pretty sure Eino has a Master’s, at least,” Zach pointed.

Maverick shook his head, firmly disagreeing. “Doctorate in Education. I saw it on his wall. Don’t sell that one short.”

“So that’s two.” Hannah leaned forward eagerly. “Conor, what about Huynh?”

“Masters in Engineering,” he confirmed ruefully. “But he’s no PhD.”

“Pranav,” Zach interjected. “Post grad in robotics. Even worked on some of the Padrugoi mission stuff, early on.”

A respectful murmur filled the room, accompanied by appropriately impressed nods. Maverick had to actually shake the starstruck look out of his eyes before he could speak. “So that’s three PhDs, one Master’s, and a Bachelor’s on the Council. Not bad, honestly.”

Antoine cleared his throat politely. “Grey actually has two doctorates, if I am recalling correctly.”

I shook my head firmly. “Three. Biochemistry, genetics, and molecular chemistry.”

With a low whistle, Conor shook his head. “So, we have a clear leader as far as ‘most degrees on the Council’. Would Eino or Pranav be second, though?”

An argument erupted, and when it looked like Zach was about to say something, I shook my head. I knew the same thing he was about to point out, as a by-blow of fixing some of Derek’s more… enthusiastic shenanigans,  but I wanted to see if anyone would figure it out or even question it.  A solid half-hour later, Tyche arrived and scooped up a mini-sandwich before she even registered the conversation/argument taking place.

Whirling to face me, she pointed at the rest of the room and glared at me disdainfully. “Seriously? How long has this been going on?”

“Forty five minutes?” I admitted sheepishly. “Maybe an hour if you include the ‘what we don’t miss’ portion of the conversation.  But ‘degrees on the Council’ has been at least forty five minutes.”

“And you said fuck all?”

I shrugged. “I know it’s not me who has the most or even second most.  I have the least formal education of any Councillor.”

Tyche pinched the bridge of her nose and blew out a long breath. “Okay, everyone. What do you know so far?”

Without hesitation, Maverick rattled it off. “Grey has three doctorates, Eino has one and  a Master’s, it turns out. Pranav has one doctorate and a Bachelor’s. Huynh has a Master’s, and Sophia has a Bachelor’s.”

“And the Councillor you have left out?” she interrogated wearily, while Zach and I tried to restrain our laughter.

“Xiomara?” he asked, face scrunched in confusion. “She was career military, but I don’t know if she has any degrees. Maybe a Bachelor’s?”

Tyche shook her head, glaring again when I started gasping for breath. “Wrong. And you know what? Soph knew this, so I’m going to make her tell all of you. Like she should have. From the beginning.”

“Hey!” I cried, still giggling. “I was giving them a whole other 5 minutes before I broke the news. I just wanted to see if they would even question their reasoning.”  Antoine’s eyes got wide, sending me into another giggling fit. “None of you even mentioned the idea of Xiomara having any degree,” I gasped, almost in hysterics. “Mav was in the military, so I get that he just assumed she was busy as fuck, but… et tu, everyone?”

Hannah’s head turned slowly to stare down Zach. In self defense, he held up both hands with one pointing at me. “She told me not to say anything.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I did!”

Carefully, Conor slowly asked the question that was on everyone else’s minds. “Sophie? What’s so funny?”

Tears were pouring down my face at this point - not because I thought the situation was funny, because it wasn’t. Not really.  I was hysterical because I was so caught off guard that we still brought something like this with us. “I don’t know the real reason why nobody considered Xiomara, and I’m scared to ask at this point. I’m hoping it’s because she looks tough as hell and like the kind of person who would beat up highly educated people rather than be one.” Wiping a tear from my face, I glanced at Tyche. Her jaw was tight, clearly thinking the same things I was. “But the fact that she is the only other woman on the Council, that hurts, honestly.”

I took a few deep breaths to compose myself. “The fact is, Xiomara has five degrees. Five. Along with her military career. Tyche and I have to know this, since we handle staffing.” Counting on my fingers, I started ticking them off. “Two doctorates, one in international law and one in experimental economics - as in, yes, the calorie economy was her idea. A Master’s in military history, along with two Bachelor’s degrees: one in experimental chemistry and one in nuclear physics.” Shaking my head, I glanced at the shocked and guilty expressions in the room. “It isn’t three PhDs, but damn, y’all. The woman has five degrees!”

“How did she do that, and a military career, so young?” Maverick asked, his tone nothing but awed.

Antoine looked confused at the question. “My friend, how old do you think Xiomara is?”

He shrugged. “Sophie’s age? So, thirtyish?”

Conor poked him. “Mav. You know how old Sophie is.”

Maverick rolled his eyes. “Fine. So maybe forty? The whole healing stuff messes with me, I’ll be honest.”

Smiling, I cut him some slack. “Xiomara is just over ten years older than me,” I clarified.

Hannah’s eyes widened, and Zach looked like he had been punched in the gut. “So hot-scary-lady is fifty?” After Tyche and I nodded, he shook his head. “That’s still super-impressive for fifty. For seventy, even!” Zach shook his head. “Grey, I could understand. They seem like the type to just live for education, you know? But, Xio? I’ve known for a year and I still get dizzy thinking about it.”

“It does explain why she’s so intimidating,” Conor pointed out. When I opened my mouth to scold him, he held up one hand. “No! No. Doctorates have to be argued and defended, right? Plus one of those is in law. And she balanced a military career on top of all that. If I accomplished all that, people would look at me with respect and expect me to be a direct, take-no-prisoners kind of person.” He glanced at Antoine, who winced and nodded in confirmation. 

“She isn’t though,” I complained. “She’s a leader.”

“Definitely not ruthless, but she is intimidating to the general population,” Hannah pointed out gently. “That’s part of what Jokul was talking about, right? The Ark, as a whole, doesn’t get to see her get excited over her favorite foods, or pictures of baby pandas, or…. Cherries? Is it cherries she’s crazy for?”

“Pomegranate,” I corrected, begrudgingly.

“Pomegranate,” Hannah asserted. “They don’t get to see that. They get to see ‘hot-scary-lady who lays down the law’. Not ‘Xiomara who gets googly eyed when Parvati Fletcher wears that one violet shirt’.”

“Or hates plantains,” Tyche pointed out. “Which never made sense to me, because fried plantains are basically dessert with dinner.”

I started to giggle a bit. “It makes even less sense when you’ve seen her order coffee.” Tyche groaned, but more confused looks bounded about the room. Full out laughing, I explained. “She… she puts… maybe three ounces of coffee? Not espresso, just regular coffee… with what looks like a gallon - “ I snorted so hard it hurt my nose, but couldn’t stop. “Of milk! And sugar! Oh gods, she must put a cup of sugar in her coffee, I swear!”

Hannah and Zach exchanged glances, as did Conor and Maverick. Within seconds, the entire room erupted in laughter. “That?” Conor gasped. “That is hilarious….”

“I...I always thought… she took her coffee blacker than sin….” Zach wheezed. “And baby pandas?”

Sobering suddenly, I straightened and glared at the entire room. “OI!” I shouted. “Baby pandas are fucking cute, and if you don’t think so, you aren’t human, and I will ask Noah to do genetic testing to prove that.”

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[thejustmaiden]

Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you! 

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal? 

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives. 

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though! 

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village” point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.  

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below. 

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be. 

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not.  And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly! 

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them. 

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans�� sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point. 

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones? 

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh. 

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough. 

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends? 

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation. 

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please. 

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”  

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will. 

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!   

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone! 

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 25: 2x16 The Gamesters of Triskelion

Finally watched some more Star Trek. I feel like it’s been forever...

Today’s ep is The Gamesters of Triskelion, which is... okay. It’s not terrible but I think its best aspects are the most familiar: the type of alien, the moral values at play; and its weakest are its most unique.

I think Spock likes it when Kirk says “mind the store.” What a folksy human thing to say!

Plus now that he’s Captain he gets to sit in the chair.

This conversation between Spock and Scotty is hilarious. “I’m assuming you mean they disappeared in an unusual way??” “Uh, yeah?? Do you think I’m dumb?”

This alien looks like Lady Gaga c. 2010

Kirk is being very Dramatic today.

Come on, Spock, gotta get your man.

You know Spock is worried when he mentions hope. That is, as McCoy says, a human emotion.

“Collars of obedience.” Kinky.

Stylish pink jail.

I’m really feeling this Spock and Bones interaction today. That’s a great eyebrow lift.

If the random alien is leaving, Uhura must have been his ass down.

“Nourishment interval.” We need to bring this into our modern vocabulary.

Not one, but TWO ladies in command gold today (one at Communications, and one at Spock’s station).

Wild aquatic fowl.

I feel like this episode is another example of a writer putting her alien sex fantasy on television. Like, a hardcore alien sex fantasy. The obedience collars, the training harness, the whipping, the weird flirtation between Chekov and his “training thrall”--herself a very androgynous alien, just to throw some gender play in there.

Kirk turning up the charm again. I missed Charming!Kirk. I mean, picking up a silver platter to use as a mirror and saying “That’s beautiful”? This man has no shame.

I feel like this episode shows how Spock’s logic is actually a very effective life strategy. He’s facing a very mysterious situation with high stakes--literally his best friend/soulmate/captain lost, plus two more crewmen--but he isn’t defeatist like McCoy or defensive like Scotty. He just follows the evidence, even when the evidence seems wild. And he was right.

Detective Kirk time!

“Are they computers?” He’s hoping so, since he’s very good at defeating computerized enemies.

Could it be instead another example of aliens who have transcended their physical bodies?

He is really laying the charm offensive on thick here.

I get how people have vague memories of TOS and remember Kirk as slutty, because certainly there are lots of shots of him kissing ladies, but like... 90% of the time he's using charm as a weapon, like he doesn't like Lady Gaga, he just wants to get off this planet.

“Love, for one thing.” Time for Kirk to be a Romantic Nerd again. He sure does love love!!

See imo just as it’s ridiculous for him to limit love to being one of the most important things on Earth, since he barely even spends any time on Earth and his general thesis is about what all intelligent creatures can care about besides their basic needs being met by “Providers,” I think it’s silly to limit love to being between men and women. And just as he’s kinda lying about the Earth thing, I think he’s lying about the heterosexual thing.

People in love “live together, help each other, make each other happy.” I love his definitions of love!! Like with Edith, he center helping each other in the definition.

McCoy and Scotty think they can take on Spock lmao. The Captain’s life is at stake; he’s not fooling around. And he’s right too so y’all can shush!!

Honestly, that leaning down to talk quietly to them--I know it’s because he doesn’t want to say the word “mutiny” too loud where other people can hear him, but it really reads like he’s mocking them.

Shauhna is harassed at work.

Spock’s like ‘screw a landing party, I will retrieve my space husband by myself... and I guess McCoy can come too.’

McCoy’s voice was the one Kirk heard but he still calls out to Spock.

Mmm, yes, disembodied alien brains.

I like the painted background behind them, too. Which is apparently stolen from Devil in the Dark. S2 needs more painted backgrounds.

“You think YOU’RE competitive? A race that does nothing but gamble? Well you’ve never met humans lol.”

Since when has Kirk ever competed for a woman? Hardly a competition when he always wins.

“Fresh thrall” something so... ugh about that phrase.

Ah, yes, an Andorian.

I’m starting to feel like this is Spock’s Pre-Reform Vulcan Sex Fantasy.

I feel like Shauhna will eventually become the leader of the Triskellion people. My mom thinks it would be cool for Kirk to meet her again in the future. I feel like there’s a fanfic in there somewhere...

“I didn’t lie, I just...lied.”

Honestly, don’t bother leaving everything to these disembodied colorful brains, just take Shauhna with you and enlist her in Starfleet. Or at least, like, high school.

...And after all that she STILL has a crush on Kirk. The man is too powerful.

What, no return to the Enterprise? No Kirk appearing shirtless on the bridge? No everyone acknowledges that Spock was right the whole time? No awkward little joking time?

I guess perhaps Kirk is embarrassed.

So overall... again, B basically.

As far as commonly used tropes in Star Trek go, this one is actually one of my favorite ones. I like it more than “godlike man must be defeated” and probably even more than “computer runs society,” though not as much as “old Earth tech becomes sentient.” But generally speaking “aliens transcend corporeal bodies by becoming too smart” is a good trope and I like seeing the different spins on it: the Organians, who can choose corporeal bodies if they want and are incredibly peaceful; the aliens from Return to Tomorrow, who wish they still had bodies; the aliens from The Cage/The Menagerie, who do have bodies but can’t do much with them, who must rely on aliens they capture to do physical work on the planet’s surface for them; and these aliens, who are so bored they must rely on arbitrary wagers using enslaved aliens just to have something to do. There’s something sort of... sad but fitting about that fate. Understandable, awful, pathetic. Still, I wouldn’t call this my favorite take on the trope.

But the specifics of the story, outside the “brain-aliens trope,” I didn’t like so much. The BDSM kink stuff mixed in with like actual slavery made me super uncomfortable. I know it’s based on Ancient Rome but like... even though it was a clear bread and circuses situation, that was not what I was thinking of tbqh.

This is a good episode for showcasing Star Trek Values, which overall I would say are my values. I do see how some people today would criticize them for being a little... well. How to say it. Colonizer-savior. I completely disagree that this is the reading that should be given to them and in fact I think it’s a bad faith reading but people are the way they are and certain things are in vogue sometimes and not others, so. I just mean that when Kirk says that they (the Federation, one would assume) have helped other civilizations “progress” or whatever word he uses, it sounds a little like they came in and made alien societies better using their own values. But I would say that what we actually see, in specific examples throughout the series, is the Federation wanting the civilizations it interacts with to be free, in fact requiring members state to be free, and that is really the one value a free society can impose on others or require of others--choosing slavery or dominion is choosing to relinquish all future choices, and thus cannot be allowed by any society that values freedom. That catch-22 that we see so much now. So, my point is, I think the values Kirk epitomizes for the show are freedom, self-determination, and a certain conception of progress, too: the ability to grow and develop, the avoidance of stagnation. And certainly this episode shows a clear case: having everything provided for you in exchange for being the professional playthings of a bunch of disembodied brains is objectively bad! Surely we can all agree on that. But this obvious example is used as an excuse for Kirk to speechify on the topic of what a utopian future will look like, what the best of humans can be, and what the rest of the universe could be like if it learns from our best traits (and not our worst). Which is overall something I find very comforting.

I’d just been thinking, at the beginning of this episode, that I think S1 is a better Kirk season than S2. S2 has too many episodes that problematize his leadership or his heroism, or that barely even use him--even episodes like The Trouble With Tribbles that outright mischaracterize him imo. But this episode really was Classic Kirk and I appreciated that. We see him being charming, smart, selfless, strong, creative, romantic... coming in at the end to embody the utopian values of the series.

Spock was so well characterized and so smart and so heroic, too, that he kinda was the mvp for me, though... Don’t take away my Kirk stan card lol. Spock was just so In Command... You can see how he could become a captain later, even if being in command never really interested him much.

I don’t entirely get why Kirk bargained for the thralls to all stay and make their own government (or to be trained in self-governance by their enslavers... a whole different issue tbqh), given that it’s already been established that most/all of them have been kidnapped from other planets. Should they not be... returned?

And if most/all of them are 2nd or later generations, that’s a whole other complex issue that could perhaps use third party mediators or something...

I also wondered about Shahna's origins. Was she the descendant of another civilization that is native to the planet, or is it just that her people were kidnapped so much earlier that she herself, personally, has never lived anywhere else?

I think it both makes more sense and is a more fitting ending if it’s the first. It makes sense to me that the first peoples enslaved by the brains were natives of the planet: more convenient that way. Also, I think we need to see more alien planets with more than one humanoid or human-intelligence level species.

And, if her people are native to the planet, having them become leaders of their own right again and not just possessions of the glowing brains is more powerful. Otherwise it's kinda sad: yes, they can form their own government here, but they've still been robbed of their real history and their real homeland, which they don't even remember.

Also as my mom pointed out, it’s not clear the brains themselves are native to the planet. They could have been invaders--the last real thing they did before they started wagering fake money--and Shauhna’s people the natives.

I really did like Shahna a lot and I hope she becomes the leader of whatever government they set up and eventually does get to travel into space.

Imo this was one of those TOS eps where the potential back story and the hints of world building are more interesting than the actual story.

Also apparently the actor who played Galt was trying to walk in a gliding manner so it wouldn’t be clear what he was hiding under those robes and... I have to say, definitely wheels.

Next up is A Piece of the Action, one of my favorites. Great plot, great fun, great sci fi concept, great Kirk material!

[letitrainasunnyday]

Don't you think that Shinichi is making a mistake to dating with Ran knowing that he still doesn't have the certainty that it could be Shinichi again and that he could make her suffer even more? Because I feel like all that stuff about him doing what is necessary for her happiness and safety, even if he doesn't have a place in her heart, goes straight to the garbage can. I clarify that I love the couple, but that aspect seems to me somewhat contradictory.

Hell yeah it probably is a big time mistake and I’m not gonna lie to you, once I got over the whole FREAKING OUT part about Kyoto, I really started dreading the rest, but honestly I think it’s a very interesting situation to be in, and certainly a very human and real one. 

And, y’all, sometimes contradictions don’t have to be bad. Sometimes, they’re just human. I once talked about the beautiful contradictions in Shinichi’s character here, and the same pretty much applies in this case. So I’m going to give you a moment to read it. 

Welcome back. 

So yes, this is also a kind of contradiction on Shinichi’s part, but if you ask me, that just makes him more real. Listen, at the end of the day, people aren’t always 100% logical. Much less when dealing with matters of the heart. Sometimes you make choices that are messy, and complicated, and kind of wrong. But you can’t really help it because you’re motivated by other feelings that are much stronger. 

I like this question because you give me a reason to quote one of my favorite Doctor Who moments of all time. You’re asking me, “what’s the point in them being happy now if they’re going to be sad later?” The answer is, of course, because they will be sad later. 

Do you think Shinichi Kudo is thinking about what’s going to happen days from then, when he’s back to being Conan, when Ran’s grabbing him by the tie and kissing him????? NO! The bitch is too preoccupied with Ran grabbing him by the tie and kissing him to be thinking straight. All he can probably think about is how much he loves her and misses her and misses actually being with her as himself. He’s too flustered about what he’s gonna do right after, about the fact that he physically cannot restrain himself from trying to kiss her, and also worrying that the fucking antidote is going to bail on him again and leave him hanging. Listen, if the girl/boy you’ve been in love with since you were three suddenly kissed you and told you that they most definitely love you back in the same way, I don’t think you’d be worrying about what happens later. You’d be too fucking over the moon to even care. 

Allow me this chance to also quote one of my favorite songs ever (which you can listen to here and please do despite it being in a language you probably don’t know): “I això es diu caiguda lliure, fins que t’estampes pots conviure amb el final.” Which translates to, “And that’s what you call free falling: till you hit the ground you can live with the end” --which I’m now realizing sounds much less poetic in English, but eh. 

But that’s what Shinichi’s living in that precise moment. It’s also what Ran’s living, by the way. They both know their time together is going to be cut short, that their interactions are numbered and that they won’t be granted much more time. So who the fuck cares about hitting the ground while you’re still soaring? Nobody! You’ll deal with it later, once you’ve actually fallen. For now, you’re taking advantage of what you have and choosing to be happy. Hakuna Matata, and all that crap. 

Will it be very ugly later? Yes! But isn’t that going to be fascinating storytelling to see? I’ve always defended I want Ran to be mad as fuck at Shinichi for everything, and this is just going to add to that drama. But that’s realistic. What wouldn’t be okay would be her being all a-okay about it despite the shit that’s going down. 

[s-oulpunk]

Y’all might be sick of hearing me talk abt “Ricky is Eddie’s son AU” but I have a time travel version of the AU (bc I’m a slut for time travel. If anyone ever wants to talk abt back to the future hmu) and I NEED to talk about it.

Everything in the fic is similar to canon at first. They all go to Derry, Stan and Eddie die, they defeat the clown. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, somehow Ricky figures out a way to travel back in time. Either he figures it out himself and goes without telling anyone, or one of the Losers figures it out and for whatever reason he’s the one best suited to go.

He goes back to the summer of ‘89 and slowly meets the teenage losers. He’s a few years older than them now and it feels kind of weird. He sees everyone here as an uncle (or aunt) and now they’re all kids.

Also he never got to meet adult Stan, so I think he would be kind of blown away meeting teenage Stan. He wants to tell him how cool he thinks he is and how highly all his friends speak of him, but he can’t say anything without making them suspicious.

For awhile he doesn’t tell any of them, but soon something happens (I have no idea what) and he breaks and tells Bill. He wouldn’t tell him everything (maybe he tells him more later) but he tells him just enough to make Bill’s head spin. It’s crazy enough to think Ricky’s from the future, let alone that he’s Eddie’s son.

That’s another thing!! Now Ricky is hanging out with his 14 year old dad, who has no idea he’s his dad. I think Ricky would be a little blown away by just how unhinged 14 year old Eddie was. Like, he’s a sweet kid and Ricky can see himself in him, but he’s definitely full of pure and unbridled chaos.

Similarly, he misses his dad so fucking much. You can’t tell me didn’t cry for hours after hearing about his dad’s death. You can’t tell me the other losers didn’t have to coax him out of his room, and didn’t have to beg him to eat for the next few days. So seeing his dad again - even if it’s sort of a different version of his dad - is bittersweet. Yes, he’s seeing him again, but he doesn’t know who he is. And Ricky can’t talk to him like he’s his dad. I think it would break his heart a little, but at the end of the day he’s just happy to see him again.

He’s also watching Richie pine after Eddie. Like he knows Richie’s in love with Eddie (Richie and Ricky have had long conversations abt it in the future - or is it the present??), but everything he does to get his attention is so fucking stupid that Ricky’s just staring at him like😶

And (bc I’m a stenbrough blog) Bill had told Ricky, in the future (present??), that he had been in love with Stan (maybe they had even secretly gone out for a bit👀). I think seeing Bill and Stan interact in ‘89 would break his heart a little. Bc they have these pink cheeks and soft smiles and hands that barely brush together and Ricky knows what’s going to happen. He knows it’s all going to end in heartbreak.

He likes to go up to Mike’s farm and see the animals. He tries to pet them ALL, even if Mike tells him not to. He just simply cannot resist. And he likes hanging out with Mike, he thinks he’s cool. In the future (present??) he didn’t talk to him like he was a child, and told him everything that was happening with Pennywise. It terrified Ricky, but he prefers to know it all upfront rather than being coddled and lied to.

He sees Ben pining after Bev and his heart goes🥺bc he knows they’re gonna get together and he knows they’re going to be the sweetest couple. He goes to Ben for relationship advice in the future (present?) so when he’s in ‘89 he tries to return the favor, and give him some pointers.

And seeing Bev suffer at the hands of her father makes Ricky furious. Bev is the sweetest human, always letting him just blabber on and on and talk about whatever he wants. And she always shows him her designs and sometimes lets him try on stuff she’s working on. He hates that someone is hurting her, and hates even more that he can’t do anything.

Anyway, somehow going back in time manages to fix things and when he gets back Stan and Eddie are alive. Either everyone remembers and all celebrate, or Ricky’s the only one to remember and and just has to live with this weird knowledge that he had a time travel adventure.

[justkimberley]

HSMTMTS Thoughts Episode 7

Episode 1   Episode 2    Episode 3   Episode 4   Episode 5  Episode 6

This one is also kinda long (~2200 words)

Nini and Ricky doing a fantastic job harmonizing in Start of Something New

the dance routine around them is absolutely crazy and all over the place

So it seems that Seb is just their resident piano player (side note, who ended up getting Kelsey??)

Big Red with the flashlight trying so hard to keep it on the disco ball

EJ interrupting because of the bell. Does anyone really love Thanksgiving that much??

Also I always forget that American Thanksgiving is like a month later than Canadian Thanksgiving and I was hella confused for a second.

Ricky is so surprised that Nini is complimenting him

Ashlyn as Robotics Team captain! (side note Big Red gives her an impressed look after he overhears that she’s the captain)

Also: debate team, baking club, high priestess of the Renaissance Faire

We love a multifaceted lady

Miss Jenn/Mr. Mazzarra trying to have a ‘my horse is bigger than your horse’ banter except neither of them have the horses they claim to have

“With whoever could possibly love you,” lol ok Miss Jenn went for the head

“Late night party” - party starts at 8 that’s adorable

“Small group or…” “PARTY AT ASHLYN’S HOUSE!”

It’s really interesting learning about Nini’s Lola (? I think that’s how it’s spelled, which is what I believe Filipino people call their grandmother’s), and her story

I’m just really proud of Ricky’s Dad. Like he was in such a bad place 2-3 episodes ago and now he’s taking care of himself and Ricky (even if it isn’t a grandiose Thanksgiving) he’s trying and I think he’s doing great

“We roll hard” I just really love this line

“I suppose if you’re lonely, you could always just… randomly text my drama teacher,” “Too soon… RIck,” “... yeah okay”

That was pretty funny. Also, it seems like Ricky’s okay with his dad dating?

Ricky’s mom waiting for him to call

I don’t know how I feel about this to be honest. I feel like maybe she should have tried to call him first and then if he didn’t answer or want to talk to her, that she should wait for him to make the next move then.

EJ’s truth arc is very funny to me

Big Red and Ashlyn

“I promise not to steal your phone if you promise not to throw a basketball at my face,” “No, the only thing I’d ever throw at your face is a brighter spotlight cause, I like the way you sing

Oof they’re so cute, we love little crushes

Also this might be an unpopular opinion but y’all need to calm down about the whole ‘Ashlyn and Big Red are GAY and they only THINK theyy like each other’ thing. #1 It was never confirmed for them to be gay. #2 You can still have wlw and mlm head-cannons for them! Bi, Pan, and other multiple gender attraction oriented people exist, even if you forget about us sometimes.

They are a cute little pairing of people who are always looking out and taking care of other people. It’s okay for them to do things for themselves.

Ricky debating calling his mom, it took a lot of courage and then Todd picks up.

Hangs up immediately, it almost looked like he was going to have a panic attack. That would be so hard, such an extreme shift

I guess the reason he was more okay with his Dad dating was that his Dad was open and honest with him about it. Calling your Mom only to find out that she has a boyfriend that a. She never told you about b. He knows about you and c. is trusted enough to be left alone with her phone while she showers? Is a lot, and probably means that she started dating him before the split was official.

Ricky going to call Nini and then deciding against it. Why doesn’t he feel like he can talk to Big Red about this kind of stuff? Why does he always go to Nini first?

Gina shows up, those are good looking cupcakes

She made him a hat!

She looks so hesitant before she gives it to him!

Gina’s like ‘look dude, I know something’s wrong, spill the beans’

Ignore it and push through - I understand where she’s coming from but you really shouldn’t ignore your problems, it usually just makes them worse

“Do what makes you happy,” “... Give me that hat,”

Adorable, also do what makes you happy is good advice so we’re a little all over the map here

“That’s too big,” “I’ll grow into it,” (adorable)

Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzarra’s whole interaction is hilarious.

Don’t burn down my shop! - holy shit, foreshadowing buddies

Ashlyn is so cute! She’s so happy when people compliment her

“I highly recommend not telling someone you love them for the first time on instagram” - yup! That’s what I said in the first one of these I did.

Carlos - “The party may begin!” - I totally thought he said “The party made me gay,” the first time I watched it so uhh yeah

Big Red is lactose intolerant

Carlos’ board game is amazing

“High School Musical the Choosical,” - fantastic name

Everyone is so accepting

Ashlyn and Big Red choosing to be on the same team

“South Side Knights -” “It’s the West High Nights,” “the West High Knights”

Ej is like a compulsive truther now. And it’s kind of hilarious

His face when he says “She laughed!” is hilarious and kind of adorable

“I gotta go join the party, and admit some terrible things, you ladies, catch up!” - I wish we got to see what he was admitting to, I find this whole thing quite funny

I’m glad that Emily and Nini got some reconciliation, I know Nini felt guilty even though it wasn’t her fault

That is not a good cockney accent

Why did Ricky enter alone when him and Gina walked together?

And he left her to open the door on her own with all those cupcakes?

“Buddies,” “We,”

Ricky and Gina both laughing about YouTube, cuties

Look, feelings are feelings and you can’t help what you feel, but pushing someone away and insisting to remain only friends means that you shouldn’t be upset when he makes a new friend

Mr. Mazzara and Miss Jenn

The plug socket is in the frame, more foreshadowing

“He won’t.. Not… fall” this show loves it’s double negatives huh? I don’t not love you, he won’t not fall etc.

“Ok but the center of gravity is off,” YES to different kinds of intelligence being helpful in fields other than the main one people associate them with

Carlos thinking people are going to keep judging him and the theater people being as accepting as possible

EJ is a gleek

What I’ve Been Looking For to the rhythm of Get Your Head in the Game is hard! (Catch me on the piano later trying to figure it out lol)

It just turns into a terrible rap

EJ - “That was terrible,” Seb -  “I’m so happy”

EJ vs. Ricky - “without laughing… or killing each other,”

This is a good parallel to the basketball scene, once again they get kind of aggressive, but this time they also joke around and no one gets hurt

Also I would love to see them become friends, I mean they both need to grow a little before that happens, but I have hopes

They missed the ‘neeee howww’ part of it, I really wanted to hear them do the high voices

EJ’s little “mehh” that sounds like a duck kills me everytime

Gina and Nini awkwarddd

“I do have high hopes for a junior year at East High” oof babey :(

“It must be nice sometimes though, right?” - nini does not understand

This actually gives us an insight as to why they don’t understand each other. Nini would love nothing more than to start a new life with no drama and Gina would love nothing more than to have a life that lasts longer than a couple months before being restarted.

Gina/Nini apology very exciting, hopefully they can actually become friends

“It’s all good,” from Nini seemed disingenuous, I don’t know if it’s because of the Wonderstudy thing or the Ricky thing. 

The sleepover thing I was so worried that it would be a mean spirited thing but I’m so glad it wasn’t

Nini sits on Ricky’s lap when she goes back to the game room and I don’t know if it’s intentional or not but it’s kind of like she’s trying to lay her claim back on Ricky.

Gina looks so happy when a. Carlos calls her in and b. the happy dance about the sleepover! (why’d they have to ruin the happiness??)

Mr. Mazarra returning the favour

“It’s beautiful,” “Math often is,” dudde I feel you I fucking love math

“I cannot stress to you enough how uncomfortable that would make me feel,”

“You know what we should do?” “Break off eye contact sometime soon?”

I’m dying

“It’s about a robot!” this is… pretty adorable. She just wants to make a genuine connection with him

Also are they going to do a romance route with these two? Because I can see them setting it up but also imagine if they just become like… best friends? I feel like they’d be unstoppable.

Musical Choosical Handbook of Rulesicals

“I thought you had never actually played this with people-” “Honey not today of all days,”

Carlos and Seb are the only couple with no bad drama and I’m living for it (please let them just stay happy)

Oops! I knew that jersey question… also it’s definitely the answer Big Red would now because he’s only watched the movie with no words (at his allergists office)

“And do people usually talk like that?” “No they do not.” - gold

EJ the compulsive cheater and also compulsive truther makes a comeback (I seriously find this so funny I don’t know why)

“I love to pop and lock and jam and break,” oh GIna

She’s so happy about winning

Not realistic, you know that the second she called her mom at least someone would be like “pass the weed,” (you know because friends are awesome and also terrible)

“Can you take me off speaker”

Some people are like ‘oh no is she in trouble?’

I kind of hate that it looks like Nini looks sort of happy about Gina’s mom asking her to take her off speaker - I really don’t want Nini to turn into a catty person.

Ricky is concerned

Why did her mom tell her this right now? She should have waited until the next morning, like that wouldn’t have hurt anyone and it would have let them form stronger bonds. And Gina would have had her first sleepover and also they might form strong enough bonds to try and stay in contact with her

Ricky is worried for her, he’s like, ‘You made me feel better, so I’ll go make you feel better’

Nini’s looking upset that Ricky’s being emotionally aware for once? Like dude, he’s grown up a lot since BEFORE summer break? That’s like six months ago I think at this point?

Ricky just wants to help Gina feel better because she made him feel better

She doesn’t understand that they can stay friends even if she leaves and I just :(

“Please don’t do that” he’s so overwhelmed

“My mom moved out two weeks ago and she’s already got a new boyfriend, sound familiar?” Oooh low blow Ricky bud.

“Really don’t need advice from a .. buddy right now,”

Ok but then who does Ricky want advice from? I’m so confused. This boy needs to get a better support system and learn how to use it. Romantic relationships should not be your only outlet for your problems.

Red and Ashlyn

“I hope Gina’s gonna be okay,” - Big Red is so sweet!

They’re so cute

“Hey Big Red? Don’t forget your dip,” - oh she was so going to ask him out and then lost the nerve

Write something for yourself.

It’s a hard thing to do, dude. It’s also hard to let yourself feel so vulnerable, even if it’s only you that’s going to hear it

Gina packing, I feel so sad for her, she’s finally made some good friends and now she has to leave again. She kept the badge! :( 

EJ losing followers and being cancelled, at least we know why now

It seems like a lot of EJ’s self worth comes from how others think of him. So losing followers is probably a pretty big hit. I wonder if he’ll keep going with his whole truth thing when it has these consequences or if he’ll just go back to what he was doing before. I hope that he has a positive arc but, will it go downhill from here? I hope not.

Ricky about to apologise to Nini (why did he erase it, he probably should have sent that) - side note: their conversation before was them asking each other if they were going to the party

It’s interesting that Nini had pictures of EJ and Ricky up still

Gina’s crying face is making me cry

“Hey mom, it’s me, I miss you so much,” tears

Nini hanging up pictures of her grandma and the musical. She’s really trying to move forward from boys huh?

Is nini going to apply to the theater school??

Electrical fire???????? WHy??

[bloodfcst-a]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

✧ can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME:  i used to go by my middle name, nina, but now i go by pacifica or paci.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: i have a bunch of weird ailments that honestly are just wild. like sometimes my nerves make me spasm or collapse or i’ll become hyperflexible. my kidneys decided they were lonely so they are... snuggled together... and i’ve had cancer a few times. it’s exhausting. 

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON:  - smile /  facial features. outside of aesthetics, you can tell if someone is superficial or genuine through the intensity of their smile, or if they’re fabricating their appearance or background. i wouldn’t want someone to pretend for me. i want them to be how they are. - personal care. i don’t have preferences on hair / grooming outside of being well-kempt. file your nails & clean them ( like if ur a mechanic or factory worker or other types of physical labor, i get it-- but like an office worker with black nails? ick ), brush/comb/finger detangle/style your hair, make sure your clothes are reasonably presentable... clean, like you actively tried to come up with an ensemble. - physique. not saying people need to be like 8 pack or straight out the gym. nor am i saying i need someone to be like mega massive or mega thin. but preferably someone who like... is comfortable in the skin they’re in, and cares about their body. at the least, cares about what goes in their body and how much their body does for them. 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF:  haribo snacks.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: i cannot handle the smell of mustard or mayonnaise. i will literally walk out of a room.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE:  i try to cut out needless carbs and snack foods, but y’all........ throw some good naan or pita at me and i’m a sucker. i love my hot cheetos and takis, pls don’t take them from me.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN:  a sweater and panties tbh. i’ve turned into that basic single person in their 20s. if i’m cold i’ll throw on sweatpants too.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS:  i vastly prefer serious relationships, but there’s got to be a lot of build up to it for me to pursue someone in that manner. that being said, idk why, apparently i seem unapproachable or intimidating, but i’ve always had to ask out the person i liked.... ask me out first, u fools. i’ve tried to do flings but like i always feel guilty afterward bc i’m not invested, i just pretend hoping maybe i’ll fool myself in the process and i don’t lmao. that being said, it’s been like over a year since i’ve last dated, and two years had passed between that partner and the previous one. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: nothing. maybe switch my triple minor to an interdisciplinary double major because that sounds cooler in this point in my life. but other than that? i feel like i did well with the cards that were handed to me. they shaped me into who i am now. and now i’m trying to continue to be a person past me would be proud of. i want to live a life with little to no regrets. to pursue everything i can while i have the opportunity to. 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: physically, yes. emotionally, it depends. my coworkers are always either thrilled to see me or are like “ it’s paci being over the top cute. ” i love coming into the room to give hugs or do random acts of service or to shower someone with surprise gifts just to say i appreciate them. however, i can be emotionally distant at times and i don’t like to involve people into things. i still feel guilty on most occasions when i vent,  even though i know it’s healthy to do. i feel like it’s not other people’s responsibility to deal with my problems or have to endure them, even if it’s as little involvement as listening. such an attitude isn’t great, but... at least i can recognize that now? lmao. u know. baby steps. i’m still learning to trust and let people in. when my former best friend broke my heart it really messed me up in a lot of ways.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: i love pocahontas, mulan, princess and the frog, and peter pan starring mary martin. i’ve been watching that specific peter pan since like..... birth......... and it’s still one of my favorite films.

12. FAVORITE BOOK:  dante’s divine comedy.

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: a long-haired cat, preferably a tortoise color. i’ve always thought munchkin cats were the cutest. i’d want something that is as independent and self-sufficient as i am.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]:  yufi & age-appropriate love and joy. tseng also deserves love. & literally everyone in ace attorney could get it..... except dahlia hawthorne, forget her. also... all the important people in devil may cry deserve someone. so.... that’s what i have for you. 

15. PIE OR CAKE: pie. i don’t eat nearly enough of it. kinda underrated in the pnw, i feel like? but in the midwest we loved pies... kinda miss that.

16. FAVORITE SCENT:  sandalwood, vanilla, lavender, and gentle scents like  ‘ ocean ’  or  ‘ linens ’.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH:  shrugs? no one atm. i do not keep up with pop culture these days. can i count kyo from dir en grey? i’ve thought he was hot for the last 15 years and counting........ 14 y/o me was really like “ he’s the one ” too!! 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: i love visiting friends. and like... idk? japan is still interesting, as is italy and greece and jerusalem. but i don’t have like... a burning urge to go anywhere. i’d like to return to vietnam & cambodia at some point as well. people tell me melbourne is my kind of vibe, but... i’ll get there when i get there. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT:  ambivert. though for all that i project in personality, i do take a lot of time to myself to kind of recharge, as you will.

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY:  i do. but i still like scary games bc i enjoy the thrill and chase. suspense is really cool-- gore is not, imo.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID:  android. i’ve been using samsung galaxy phones since like 2013 and i’m not going back now. i had an ipad once and........ i’m over that. but i’m not like gonna participate in the dumb android vs apple debate........ we’re adults and it’s 2020, c’mon now. put ur energy into something else.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: y’all......... i wish i could be like ‘ i’m a gamer grl ’ but the truth is that i mainly collect games and say i’ll play them but it takes me a trillion years sfdgiohfgiohdf. my backlog is shameful. we don’t talk about that. that being said, i just took up ace attorney: spirit of justice this evening & i’ve been playing through kingdom hearts iii and yakuza 0 as of late. 

23. DREAM JOB: to write poetry & creative nonfiction at my leisure dfogihdohg. travelling writer, sharing about cultures all over the world & the beauty of interaction. very whimsical, i know! i also love studying languages and culture...... so it’s no question writing, sociology, cultural anthropology and linguistics were/are my fields of study. 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: pay off my loans, throw like half of it in savings for it to grow, give some to my mum bc she deserves to live comfortably, and..... take some time off work to just relax and rediscover myself. while work does give me purpose, it also takes away from my creative pursuits so like... that blows.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: it took me like 10 years for sorceress adel to stop giving me nightmares, so like. probably her. the pennywise energy was too strong. and on that note...... all clowns and clownlike energy should just burn. pennywise, saw. y’all got to go.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: final fantasy, ahaha. also metal gear. xeno like doesn’t have a place for it to gather and it’s ridonk small..... but i love xeno games. and i used to love watching sbfp but since they disbanded... it’s a sad world out there. 

✧ tagged by: @burmecias-protector​ + @enshijou​  i got this from both of y’all xoxo

✧ tagging: @shimmerseas​ @extremepath​ @east--moon​ @evercharmed​ @verumking​ @dawnled​ @90smagicalboy​ @meyvn​ @breselin​ @petallines​ @redsown​ @starszakrew​ @onlyliberty​ @angereve​ + if this suits your fancy! 

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[phoenixisstrange]

The Best Day Forever Chapter 1 (Edited)

But I am wrong. It begins with me, in a nice suburban house doing my own thing going about my day. I guess I live here? I don't know who I live with or if I live alone but I encounter neighbors and friends (I don't remember specific interactions). I don’t even know how I got this beautiful house OR what town it’s in. It’s like someone created me and my life, peppered in some aspects of my personality and memory and dropped me into it. So I wake up in my? bed. 

I wake up, make myself breakfast, and acquaint myself with my neighborhood. As if I haven’t lived here for quite some time-- judging off of the bills I have sitting on the counter waiting to be paid. I open the front door. It’s a big wooden door with a little window that has decorative iron bars encasing it. Whoever designed this house did a damn nice job. I admire my front door as if I’ve never seen it before. As I step out onto my front porch I am greeted by a symphony of wildlife and a beautiful panorama of the forest. This was an intentional design point of the house. The way the forest sits inside of the frame of my porch is so perfect that it must be deliberate. The facade of my house faces a dense forest but I do have neighbors on either side of my property. 

To the left I see a mother herding her 3 kids into her minivan, well trying at least. One of the kids is running around screaming; wearing only one flip flop on. The other kid has dropped her bookbag on the ground. The third sits strapped into the car quietly. “Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!” the mom corrals her child into the van. 

I chuckle and breathe in the crisp morning air as it mingles with the scent of my piping hot coffee. The house to the right is a bit smaller and nobody seems to be home. After I finish my coffee, I go back inside and look at my schedule. It’s my day off.

I text my girls, Iz and Cree to see what they’re up to. I guess they also live in the area. Whatever the area is. The girls arrive and we set up camp in my warmly-lit living room. A low-budget Netflix horror movie plays in the background as we sip our Rosé.

 “So how’s Carter?” I ask Iz.

 “He’s good, he’s interviewing for a job at a new dealership as a sales manager”

“Good for him, I wish him luck in all his managerial endeavors” I say with a little too much enthusiasm. 

“Phoenix---How’s your love life??” She did it. She asked the dreaded question.

“Heh, funny you should ask… You would probably have an easier time finding a human being on Mars than I would finding a lover. ” Wow, I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve answered that. Me? Jaded? Never. Just realistic. I have too much going on to focus on finding someone right now. That’s what I tell myself at night when the loneliness hits. 

“Unfortunately my lover either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want me.” I add. You can practically see my dignity leaving the room. 

“Sometimes you just gotta ride the wave alone...” Cree-- who appears to be catatonic on the couch-- mutters from beneath a blanket. 

“Facts” Iz and I say in unison.

We finish a bottle of wine and cook some ramen. I never eat Ramen, I can’t stand it. But Iz and Cree love it so I guess that’s why my cabinets are stacked with the stuff. Either that or I am preparing for the inevitable collapse of our organized society. In that case, I know for a fact that I won’t go hungry. There’s so many packets of chicken flavored instant noodles hiding in my cabinets that I could feed a tribe in the post apocalyptic world.

The fragrance of the salty noodles dances with the incense that burns in the living room. The sound of a woman being possessed by the devil blares from the tv speakers.

“Haven’t we watched this movie already?” Iz clearly isn’t into it. “Probably, but all Netflix horror movies are the same. They usually end up as white noise anyway.” 

“I like it.” Cree chimes in

“If Cree thinks it’s a good movie, then obviously it’s a good movie Iz.” Sarcasm. 

“Cree said Suicide Squad was her favorite movie. She cannot be trusted to judge a good movie!” 

“Everyone thought that movie was so bad but y’all just don’t appreciate good art.” Cree stands firmly by her decision.

The movie concludes with the predictable ending where the antagonist--who has succumbed to demonic possession-- is cleansed of evil through a dramatic exorcism. The entire house that the movie is set in is destroyed. This forces the traumatized family to move out of the beautiful home they recently purchased. The movie ends on a cliff-hanger where a new family moves into the very house--which has now been repaired--in hopes to start a life. Boring.

The girls leave at about 11 pm. I take a quick shower and pour myself a glass of seltzer. Nights like this are ideal for stargazing. Not a cloud in the sky and cool enough to have the windows open in the house. Apparently, I missed my mark. I open my door to a rather jarring sight. Expecting the usual chirping of the cicadas and a star speckled sky; I am met with a rising sun. The sky is not an 11 pm sky it’s a 6 am sky. I’m confused and kind of scared. My mind starts to race. How drunk did we get last night? It was just a few glasses of wine not enough to black out the entire fucking night. I text Cree and Iz. No response. I figure they’re sleeping. 

My phone says 5:47 am on Saturday, 7/23. My day off is Saturday, which would be the 23rd. Saturday was yesterday. I turn on the TV to verify the date and News 12 confirms my fear of today’s date, 7/23. The annual family cookout is being held tomorrow at the park. 4 pm sharp, don’t miss it! Did I skip work yesterday? No way, I would’ve gotten a call. My head is spinning at this point and I decide to lay down for a bit.

The sound of the news 12 anchorwoman echoes in my head. “This weekend is going to be a hot one. Anyone planning on traveling west towards the coast should take care to leave a little bit early because of heavy delays along all major highways.” 

I drift in and out of consciousness and finally give up. I’ve watched the sun rise through the skylight that is fixed above the couch. That big ball of fire has climbed straight into the center of the skylight. The big ball of fire is blinding me. The time is 8:30 according to my phone. I barely slept a wink. My mind was too busy trying to figure out if I was going batshit or if I was actually trapped in a temporal loop. I mean, that would be cool because then that would mean that time loops do exist but not cool because of the fact that I would be caught in one by myself. 

My phone buzzes to life with a message from Iz. “What are you talking about? Ladies night didn’t happen hunny.” I’m wigged. 

“Must’ve dreamt it! We need a night soon, hunnies.” I reply. 

“Ok Phoenix… This is the sitch, yesterday was Friday. You accidentally skipped work and today is Saturday. Wine night was just a dream because you have been missing Cree and Iz lately…” I am rambling to myself in the dark. Yes, that will spare my sanity. I drag myself off the couch since sleep isn’t happening. I step outside at around 9. Once again, the forest is roaring with life and so is the mother next door… 

“Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!”…. I need to leave.

I go to the store and begin piling snacks and random food items into my cart. It’s been a while since I’ve been food shopping so this is OK. 

“Ice cream and wine. Check.” I say to myself. Drink myself out of the loop. Yeah, that’ll work. I see this really cute girl staring intently at a box of Gushers. For a second, it’s as if my world isn’t imploding on itself and I’m just at the store looking at a beautiful girl I’d like to know. For some reason, she’s engrossed by these artificially flavored fruit snacks. It looks as if she’s deep in thought, something is on her mind so she is occupying the time with food shopping. She’s about my height; she’s got long and silky chocolate brown hair that’s pulled back into a messy bun. I realize that I’m staring at her with as much focus as she is at those Gushers. She feels my eyes and returns to reality, she glances at me. A subtle smirk spreads across her face as she looks me and my wine bottles up and down.

“The bigger the bottle the bigger the problem huh?” She jokes. 

“No bottle will solve this problem but at least it’ll make me forget about it.”

 She chuckles and walks away. I buy my wine bottles and go home to forget what day it is. 

Listen, I won’t lie, I like to party. I love day drinking. But cracking open a fresh bottle of wine the size of a bowling pin at 10 am by myself after realizing I may never live to see tomorrow is new for me. I can’t say I hate it. I sit on the couch. The News 12 anchor-bitch is still blabbering about the family cookout-- that is supposed to take place tomorrow-- too bad. I drunkenly type away on my laptop. Scouring the darkest corners of the internet to find out anything about time loops that exist outside of science fiction. Turns out, not many people who find themselves in my situation take to Reddit to write about it... I take notes from the Twilight Zone subreddit because at this point I’m desperate for answers. My quest for information bears no fruit. 

I did learn that a time loop is different from a causal loop, which would occur because of a previous event. My situation however, is anomalous and is unrelated to anything as far as I know. I’ve started a fresh note on my laptop titled “The Best Day Forever! :)).” This is where I dump everything I know about the situation. 

So far, I know that this loop resets but I don’t know the interval or the trigger. Things that I interact with seems to stay the same with the exception of people, they don’t remember our interactions. The coffee I made the first go around was still in the pot when I went for coffee round 2. People and things outside of my control reset as if they’re characters in a video game who have a script and a path. I begin thinking, dangerous thinking. 

“Why is this happening? Why to me?” I ask aloud as if someone is going to answer me. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got an answer from some omniscient voice. 

“What is the point of all of this?” I ask out loud again. Then I begin to think of everything I had done leading up to the moment I woke up on the morning of July 23rd the first time. My memory is extremely fogged, almost non-existent. I’m struggling to produce even the vaguest memory of anything that happened before Saturday. Was it raining yesterday? Did I even leave my house yesterday? I don't know. 

Come to think of it I don't remember much of anything before Saturday. I don’t know how I got this house. I don't know who Iz and Cree are except that we’re friends and have wine nights pretty often--though they have been less frequent for some reason. I don’t know Carter…But I do. 

It’s as if these memories were fabricated. I remember the facts. I, Phoenix, own this house in this pacific northwestern town and I am a barista at a local coffee shop. I moved to this town after graduating-- in hopes to pursue my dream of opening my own shop and building a house in the forest. Anything beyond that is smudged. I can make out the memory if I hyper-focus. But even then it’s just the blueprint of a life, details are scarce. I’m spiraling, existential crisis mode has initiated and now I’m just stressed out and drunk at 1 in the afternoon. I need air.

 I step outside and check my phone. The time is exactly 1:27 pm and a blue Subaru drives down my road with a big old husky hanging out the window living his best life. I start down the road towards the forest.

[rkmiya]

five fo five

i debated on even doing this because i knew it wasn’t going to be a fully positive note but it’s my honest feelings and the point of the rkfifth post was to post how we feel about rookies. as someone who has been here since the moment it opened until now i have a lot of feelings. note: this is going to be all over the place and not cohesive at all because i intend to pour out my thoughts as they come with very minimal editing and my thoughts, unsurprisingly, aren’t always cohesive.

NOTE: skip to the bottom if you’re too lazy to read everything for a nice little present i did for everyone !!!! uwu

first and foremost i want to talk about what an amazing milestone it is for an rp to maintain this kind of longevity in which it’s been around for five consecutive years without hiatus, with three (mostly smooth) admin transitions and always maintaining at least 100 muses in the rp at any given moment. that’s freaking insane. especially because this is the era where most rps die after a month or two because people lose interest; it’s crazy that rookies has been around and probably will continue to be for some time. so i want to thank our current admin team for keeping the rp functioning. i know it’s a high maintenance rp and it’s a lot of upkeep so despite everything, i commend y’all for your efforts.

that being said, it is also my five year as a member! i’ve been here since the very beginning with rkmin (now rkmiya). she’s never been dropped and picked back up again (though we did go through a really rough patch of lack of muse). she has journeyed through this five years of rookies and it’s been insane. that’s the only way i can describe it and i’m still not sure if i mean insane in a good way or a bad (probably a nice mix that leans towards good? who knows). being a five year member comes with some feeling of accomplishment because wow yes i’ve survived five years. but at the same time it makes me a little sad. most of you who have me on twitter know why and if any of you who have read rkmiya’s threads also know that she is very tired of being a trainee. we’ve been in the rp for five years and she was a trainee at the one-month mark for rookies (meaning this january will be her 5th year as a trainee, as the rp is heading towards its sixth year running). keeping a five year trainee muse is exhausting. it’s especially worse when she still hasn’t debuted but i can’t force that on rkmiya. but a lot of her frustration is stemmed from the long period of time in which she’s stayed a trainee. five in-real-life years. seems like a long time, right? but that was one of the leading causes to her two year long muse drag. any of you who were around for the beginning-middle of rk know that i used to write a fuck ton for rkmiya. and i mean it. she’s accumulated over 100+ solos in like her first two years in rk, even before our current point system. if i calculated it now, she has 8 on her current blog (rkmiya) and 124 on her old blog (rkmin). that’s 132 solos over 5 years of rping with threads (mostly paras) in between. after about three years, i felt like i hit a dead end because i had given sunmi (back then, min) a lot of development. i felt like i was scrambling to do things with her and for a long time i had debated dropping her.

thankfully both rkmiya and i are stubborn bitches so i refuse to drop her until she’s debuted whether it’s with nova or another company.

i have been given the grace of having one muse on its way to being debut ready. (and guess what? rkmiya is still a bitter bitch about it). i’m really excited and really pumped. i will say in the recent months (after i changed fcs from miss a min to sunmi), i’ve kind of regained that initial spark i had with the rp. which is nice because it was hard forcing myself to do things for her muse when it just wasn’t there and i was more upset than not to be writing there. most of you would remember that as the era where i prioritised my second muse: rkahnso.

her url actually isn’t rkahnso but it’s just easier to write it as such. but she is ahn sohee and she’s been in the rp since…….2014? and her ride seemed to be a lot easier. in comparison, sohee was given the opportunity to grow as a muse prior to being signed. she handled about 3? rejections before being picked up by trc. it’s nice to be able to have that balance because i wasn’t able to do that with sunmi. chungha, when i finally picked her up, was meant to be a non-trainee for much longer than she was. she made it to a year before she was signed. i’m not sad about it but it’s perfectly fine.

rkchungha came after a few attempts at a third muse (i had jackson, kim minji ‘kimi’ of bulldok and nearly brought in rkmomo). her initial faceclaim was going to be jennie but because the face wasn’t available, she was made into chungha! she’s the most wild of the three which means she’s the easiest to plot with for me. her purpose as a muse was to give me that freedom of a rookie muse because i had spent so long with two trainee muses. to be perfectly honest, i completely blanked on the entire year i had rkchungha. like i didn’t even notice the year pass/don’t have any memory of most of the threads she did in her first year. it’s a weird thing to explain but i feel like i didn’t “zone back” into the reality of being her mun until like march. it was almost like i was rping her on autopilot because unlike my first two muses, i don’t remember much of her earlier days in the rp. but she has grown interestingly and continues to develop and grow. like rkahnso, she was meant to need interactions in order to develop.

(another quick fun fact, rkmiya/rkmin was a version of my kpopxmen muse who was also a min fc because the admins of kpxm were the ones that founded rookies. so i essentially just transferred the muse i had spent two years rping already lol)

as an rp, i think it’s great when it’s at its best. at its worst (for me), it felt like a chore and i felt burdened. i know things are optional and i do not have to do them but when you have determined muses, slacking off is actually more damaging than you realise -- and any of you guy can see that as rkmiya has suffered the most from my two-year-long-rut i was in for her muse before switching faceclaims. so even if things are “optional” i feel obligated to do them because i want my muses to be at top tier they have to be. which means (now) doing three sets of trainee replies and three sets of evals. and because rkahnso is in trc/g, that means i’m doing seven replies a week and three solos (sometimes more bc rkahnso needs more attention with her evaluations) which is fine. i like that there’s prompts to write about with evaluations. it’s just that it gets repetitive very easily and it straight up nearly completely killed rkmiya’s muse before i even switched faceclaims.

i really do love rookies but i was once at a point where i felt hopeless, i felt like my muses were going nowhere and it was so repetitive to do the same thing over and over it was getting exhausting to even open up tumblr. and let me tell you, keeping a muse for five years straight without dropping a single time is such a hard thing to maintain. so shout out to rkmiya for turning 5 years old along with rookies. that’s literally insane. and i cannot tell you how the hell i did it or explain what it was like to force myself to at least do one reply every week and not even fight for trainee points for months on end. but since about may, i’ve been clear out of the rut and i’ve doing the needed replies and chungha is almost done with stamina (at the time that i’m writing this). it’s a good feeling to get as low as i did and come out of the other side with consistent muse, the ability to have new story arcs for each muse and to be an active member of the rp yet again.

i also want to say that i’m really happy with where the rp has grown lore-wise. it’s a lot more in-depth and the decision to include seocho, while completely unrealistic in real-life, makes it a lot more easier in an rp setting! i’ll admit that there is a good blend of rp make-believe that’s added into the roleplay as well as realism (so that we know what to expect without things being too out of hand at the same time) and i’ve always loved that about rookies. and it’s only gotten better and more interactive with time.

ooc wise it’s been a rocky road. not even with me personally but in general. i’ve been here for five years and i’ve witnessed/heard of a lot of messy things. is any rp perfect though? of course not and rookies is no exception. though i will say that personally i feel like it’s an improvement from how it was before in previous years. it’s still not perfect and there are some things i would like to be fixed/dealt with but not one person can push a mountain, you know? besides, there are other things in rp to focus on. my advice is to drop the people who don’t make you happy. don’t even respond to them. remove yourself from them, let the admins know and surround yourself with people who make you happier. as someone who has been in a situation of a year long push-and-pull with someone that was mostly abusive, it’s better to stay very far away from them and ignore that they’re there than to keep trying to reconcile with them. rookies, if anything, has taught me to stand up for myself and not let people say what they want about me or others. i will always stand up for myself and i will always stand up for others when there’s something to be said.

i haven’t made many long-lasting super close friendships in rk. i say this because yes, i have friends/people i know in rk of course but they’re mostly face-value friendships. there are few that are consistent and beyond surface level.

i know i can write so much more about her and it will definitely get a lot gayer because hope has my whole heart on such a deep and honest level but everyone who has us on twitter sees that from time to time so i’ll spare you all. just know that when i say she’s absolutely my best friend, i mean that.

i will say that i am well aware that i’m intimidating to some of you. i am so sorry for that if i come off a certain way. i’m just very…..aggressive in personality. outspoken, i curse (a lot) and i caps as a way of communication (not because i’m yelling at you, i swear) and i say “bitch” as a term of endearment. i encourage everyone to at least approach me because i can assure you i am literally harmless and 90% of the people who met me and were intimidated by me at first now can’t even understand why they were intimidated in the first place. just saying!!!!

branching off from that, i know that because of my own introversion coupled with the aforementioned issue that i speak to very little people in this roleplay. i’m not overwhelmingly upbeat and i really hate group chats but i’m willing to be anyone’s friend. i do go through these periods where talking to certain people (usually new friends) is really overwhelming for me so i need space. and i’m sorry if i ever went from talking to you a lot to rarely if at all. it’s not because i like you any less! i just got overwhelmed and i’m terrible at upkeep. i rarely genuinely dislike anyone. in fact, it takes a lot for me to even outwardly express that i don’t like someone. so if you’re ever feeling like you’ve upset me to the point where i don’t want to be friends or wonder if i don’t like you, please know that you most likely didn't! and i’d love to talk to you any time.

anyways (good job ani for getting distracted from the main point) i wanted to talk more about the connections i’ve made here!

a lot of you know i came over from kpopxmen and from that, i know a lot of people for several years. those people include kyle, jess, d’mi (an ex-rookies member), jenn (ex-rookies), ema (ex-rookies), jaiden and julie (our og admins), adri, phil, razel, gim (ex-rookies) and so many more people that i probably can’t think about mentioning rn. but i’ve went to make a lot more friends here and for that i’m grateful.

to amy: i want to say i’m sorry for confusing you with someone else when you initially joined the rp but i’m not sorry that i did because it put me in a situation where i got to speak to you for the first time and got to know you better. we don’t thread often (i think we have like two in our entire history together) but i love our muse’s dynamic, even if it’s mostly behind the scenes. i’ve come to adore yien so freaking much and i can’t imagine an rk without him. i’m happy and grateful that you trust me enough to talk about things and i can’t thank you enough for being one of the only people to go out of their way to make sure i’m okay when i’m at my worse. i love our tea spilling sessions. you’re the greatest for when i want to rant without judgement.

to marie: i’m still upset you dropped jinyoung i loved his muse u n u lol but for real i really do think you’re a cool person. it makes me wonder what the hell took us so long to freaking speak to each other on a more close level. but you’re so fun to be around and you have a great ass energy and i still have that baby picture of you running away from whatever that was AHAHAH but i’m so happy that we talk more! and omg we have our first ship together (that’s not in rookies but i’m exCITED OKAY WHAT A FUCKING POWER COUPLE) and you have to plot with me on dabin now bc you took jinyoungie away u n u

to nic: thank you for being a good friend to me all of these years. i value our friendship. i find it funny we haven’t plotted with any of your newer muses. HOW THE HELL DID WE MANAGE THAT? anyways i really wanted to say thank you for having my back, for helping me out when i really need it and for letting me rant and bitch to you about things that really piss me off. sometimes talking to you really does keep me sane or else i’d blow tf up for real. for that i’m thankful. we really do have to plot more with our muses. which somehow we’re terrible at? LMAO GJ US

to carly: i will talk about your hentaekai username until my fucking GRAVE because it’s still the most iconic thing to have happened. so for those of you who DON’T know, carly’s username on aim was hentaekai. so when she joined, she had put her aim username in her intro. i just copy and pasted her username into my add list and sent her a simple hello and introducing myself. then…….i returned to see if she was online (because i had sent the message when she was offline) and THEN i realised her name looked like hentai and i fucking lost it. that’s actually how our first conversation went. we then went on to talk about how similar taemin and min (rkmiya) were to an alarming degree. and now we have luna who is miya’s sister! i care about you even if we don’t talk much at all and it’s nice that we can confide in each other about things. i am grateful for you and you always provide interesting insight.

to jess and phil: i put you guys in the same one because we are One LOL. anyways i love you both to the death of me. we honestly have sphere chat for bringing us even closer together and thank fucking god you both let your muses be signed to sphere. rkmin was going nuts on her own it was getting ridiculous. i LOVE the sphere musketeers and i love the family dynamic that the sphere kids had. it really was the precedent in terms of company dynamics. phil, you know howon meant so much to rkmin and i’m glad even to this day we got to have our muses in the same company and i love you~ and whichever 1284239429834 muses you decide to bring LOL. jess, from jonghyun to huidong: i love that rkmiya has a relationship with both (which reminds me, jong-puppy needs to text his noona un u). i really find her relationship with huidong more interesting as the nova parents. it’s actually pretty nice how well the compliment each other and are similar at the same time. i honestly never thought they’d be close but here they are!

to chanel: wow it’s been forever for us, hasn’t it? we’ve been through a lot. although we don’t speak anymore i do value our friendship as it were. we had a really good dynamic going for our muses. it was nice to plot some extreme fucking slow burn for rickhee, who are a complete mess. it’s nice seeing the contrasting relationships our muses have with one another. you do create some fun muses! thank you for being a friend for so long. i definitely do miss talking to you more but i know irl gets a bit busy!

to nova kids: i want to thank you all for the 4 amazing years that sunmi has been in nova! it’s been fun. we’ve seen a lot of faces come and go. we’ve all had our differences with one another but honestly i really love how easily the nova kids can crack jokes on each other and really be playful. even if we don’t get to put it on dash often enough i really prefer the nova kids dynamic of all the companies my muses are in rn and that wouldn’t be possible with every single one of you contributing to that dynamic and it’s always a little different with each muse lineup. i know sunmi wasn’t an og nova member from day one but it really feels that way sometimes. we’re a crazy bunch but it’s fun to be in chat!

to trc kids: i know the company’s dynamics aren’t established if at all but i wanted to thank all of you for plotting with sohee and for dealing with her craziness. although she is more of the shy, eternally sweet kind of gal, she is super die hard for trc and would never dream of leaving. it was never her first choice in company (or her second, truthfully) but she really has come to love the company as it is and that’s all thanks to you guys! (shout out to joi for still having yubin in there since day one!!!! LETS GET THIS MONEY !!!) i also want to give a secondary shout out to mir first giving me great ass plot development for nesshee and for vanessa taking sohee’s first female kiss ic and for forcing sohee to learn that she has to take the good and the bad in situations. it was a very vital lesson she needed to learn. to the rest of the trc crew, let’s keep working towards getting our kids closer!! <3

to kt crew: i know chungha is still new to the kt group and doesn’t exactly fit in yet but i wanted to say thank you guys too! i don’t have much to say because it’s been less than a month being in kt and it’s the one company i’ve never had a muse in so i’m still unfamiliar with a lot. it’s also the company with the most members that i’m personally unfamiliar with. i’m interested in learning more about everyone and their muses!

to everyone i didn’t have the time/mind to mention: please don’t take it the hard way. i just had a lot to write and i’m sorry i didn’t give you a personal shout out. i usually do it to the people who have stayed in my sphere most recently (because then i remember them) but don’t think this means i think any less of you! you’re just as important.

to everyone who has mentioned me in their rkfifth so far: thank you! i didn’t really think i was impactful enough to even be mentioned in someone else’s rkfifth post so it was a nice surprise. honestly there were at least like two of you who mentioned me that caught me completely off guard. (and there’s some who didn’t mention me that i kind of expected to and they didn’t so it’s like a two sided surprise LOL)

to the rest of rookies: whether we haven’t met yet, only talk occasionally or are just twitter mutuals, just know that i’m ready to be friends when you are. it’s been five years and i’ve seen plenty of people come and go (including admin team members) and i feel like my heart will always be in rookies. i just can’t pull away. until rkmiya gets her shot at being debuted i don’t think that damn muse would even let me leave even if i wanted to. so i guess i’m sticking around for a while. why not make the time go by quicker by making some new friends? LOL

if you made it this far (hi carly) thank you for reading my long ass spiel that probably made no sense at some points! congratulations! i made something really nice for everyone. so if you want to see it, please click here!!!!!!