#yes I am Jerry from Tom and Jerry

[automaticllamacycle]

I hope y’all like my profile pic and banner bc it’s literally me it’s my energy.

[vamptarot]

What Will They Like About Your Body | PAC 18+

pile one pile two pile three

how to choose a pile . . . choose whichever you feel drawn to or ask your guides to guide your eyes to the one that is meant for you! ᡣ𐭩

— ⭑.ᐟ this is for diversity reasons, if you don’t want to, don’t read it, if you want to, go for it. this will be covering what they like about your body and what they fantasise of it. ‘they’ meaning your special person. not proof read.

𝝑𝝔 If you are under 18 years old don’t read this. This is made for consenting adults. If you think you are grown enough, no you are not.

pile one : - high heels !

𐙚 : five of cups, page of pentacles, five of swords, three of swords, two of cups reversed

bottom of the deck: six of swords

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

Every single little thing, there is nothing that they don’t like about you. Which can, yes, be annoying to hear, because this isn’t what you were curious of, but these feelings are sincere. They come from the bottom of the heart.

Your special person looks at you as the star, as this very perfect person, the most beautiful of all. They find your looks dreamy and even the tiniest of folds and details are beautiful about them. The beauty of ancient statues, if you struggle understanding the concept of it.

It’s the feeling of “this is actually a real body with a lot of things to tell, not just one that was worked for years to hide things about it.”

Some of you might take an offence to that, thinking “but that means my body is just ugly!”.. I am here to say that’s not true, you are just delusional. Real bodies don’t look like the ones on the internet that are photoshopped to the max - yes, even in videos -, they just look real. With spots, blemishes, veins, details, stretch marks, beauty spots and a thousand other things. Your body is very much real, which makes you soooo sexy in your person’s eyes. All the little things about it.

Matter of fact, your special person LOOOOVES your stomach so much, like omg. They might like to hold it, or just rest their body on it while cuddling you or literally sleeping with you while spooning. You might think to yourself, ‘oh, but my stomach isn’t flat’, duh, that’s the sexy bit about it. - Even if your stomach is flat that is okay bby, that bit was meant for somebody else. -

Think about it, no statue of Aphrodite has a flat stomach.

Aside from that, your chest is so loved. Idgaf if you are a woman, man, flat chested or not this mf - whoever they might be - wants to suck on it, and if they are given the chance they will show that too! 🫵🏻 Seriously, if you are asking about a guy, - or a masculine girl -, they wanna just put their face right to your chest and get to work. If you have a bigger chest, just rub their face their, and if it’s flat then tease you so you make noises for them. - Whines, to be specific. - If you have birth mark or any sort of mark on your chest, they also want to kiss it there, they love it.

It’s not that their energy is objectifying, they are just crazy about you. Like your body gets them all to be like those old cartoons where the guy gets heart eyes and they almost fall out as they stare at the pretty lady that just walked by.. tongue out and all. - Think of Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes or Tom from Tom & Jerry when they meet a pretty girl and you might understand better like that. -

Now, speaking about tongues. They think that your private part has such a pretty shade to it. - Or like.. would, if they saw it. - This obviously varies person to person but the main things that are coming through are pinkish & light brown? Like it’s just a nice shade of brown. - yes, even if you are a person of colour.. this will be unique to everybody, but the point is the same. - Also the texture if your skin could also be something they like? Because that’s unique from person to person as well! So they will definitely love what they will be able to feel, you know. Tongues come here because as soon as they saw you wet/hard combined with those factors they just wanna give you head. Like they are needy for you!

They also, really, really like your ass a lot. Slapping it, grabbing it during the act itself.. whatever you let them do, they will do it. You might as well catch them staring from time to time too. - This is regardless of gender, if you are a guy asking about a girl this still applies… or a girl asking about a girl.. whatever you are into guys. Your ass is just a 10/10 for them. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

You might have had some experiences in the past that made you very insecure. In your body, and how people perceive you. I will not be going too much into it because the severity of this depends from reader to reader. It rages from comments - irl & online -, to bullying, all the way down to abuse. That is your business and I am not going to dive into it.

However, their fantasies revolve around helping you escape feeling stuck from these feelings and emotions that are awakened in you when it comes to sexuality. They understand that it’s from things that you have went through in life but they still wish to help you overcome these negative emotions by loving you right, treating you right and giving you the whole world, their all.

Even then, you might be the sort of person who wants to do it with the lights off or distracted your partner before things get too far because you are genuinely scared of intimacy and the level of tension such a deep bond comes with. In your head it could be nothing but all sort of negative things, barely anything good coming out of it. At times, you might even feel ashamed. It doesn’t have to be this way. This is what they want to show you by treating you correctly.

You escaping this turmoil of ‘it’s wrong, but I want to like it’s and the pain that comes along with it is what their biggest fantasy is. They hate to see you suffer through things even if you hate that they care at times. Nothing in this world will make them stop caring about you, at all, even if you believe otherwise. Their love isn’t fragile, rather opposite, it’s quite strong.

They dream of loving you tenderly, holding you, going slow and kissing your tears away as they hold your hand.

They dream of taking care of you, treating you with the utmost respect. Never ever would they do anything to purposefully scare you or make you uncomfortable.

♡ ⢷moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ ‘my type’ , billie eilish , ‘and i see her, at the back of my mind’ , pink & flowers ? , demisexual , waiting til marriage , not a huge fan of kinky stuff but rather just wanna make love , (door) bells , bookshop , sage green , piercings , something for beauty being done to the eyes - contacts, lashes, eyeshadow ect - , stiletto nails , shibuya

My pile one do not forget that you are beautiful and nothing in this world will change this fact! your person is so sweet, their energy is very gently even though you might not think so. they would neverrr do anything without your permission. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile two : - font !

𐙚 : six of swords, queen of pentacles reversed, seven of pentacles reversed, nine of cups, wheel of fortune reversed, the devil reversed, the lovers reversed

bottom of the deck: the emperor

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

I would like to start out with saying that this is a toxic pile, at the very least sexually mean. There is no feeling of being in love or having strong emotional connection/needs here, so even if you have a crush they might feel a sexual attraction towards you but not romantic one.. or they possibly view sexual attraction and romance as two different things and don’t think of the other while doing one of them. - meaning even if they have a crush, they won’t be romantic during sex. - I will still channel for this pile but this has been your warning and disclaimer. If you are not comfortable reading about something like that, do not. It’s alright to not read this.

Now, if you decided to continue reading I will need you to stay with me on this one, this person is a whole mess.

I also want to say that if you have a bdsm kink this person does too, and if you don’t they do not either but are simply sadistic/masochistic or just had heavy uncomfortable experiences in the past that altered their preferences, fantasies and such. Such a rare but specific distinction but everybody’s guides urged me to say this.

To actually get into it, they like your chest, the shape of your body and your private eras. The shape of it, the size of it and everything that is unique about it. Not even a little bit, but a lot. They want to tie you up, not necessarily do anything but stare at you while admiring you. They want to tie you up in such a specific way too, in a way your legs and arms are spread out so they can see everything.

This inactivity is on purpose, either to piss you off or make you scared. Your face is so hot to them. Like your expressions for sure get them hard/wet, but like.. your face in general, they love it.

I will list what they like about it as well. Let’s start with your eyes.. pretty eyelashes, colours, gaze and so on.. but that’s absolutely not what turns them on at all. It’s the fact that they are a little bit messed up. There is so many eye conditions in this world, but this is specific for those people who have a bit harder time seeing. If you squint your eyes while trying to read something? Sexy as fact. You walk into something by accident? Sexy as fuck. I am sure the Lord does, but I don’t understand why they feel this way. There is a reason, they are just not sharing it with me. Also, even if that’s not your eye condition.. don’t think you are an exception, that ‘it might not be for you’. It does, you are so cute it turns them on. Especially when you look up at them. They are horny for you. If you have eyebags that just adds to it even more. - I also don’t mean to be belittling, I, myself, wear glasses. Your person is just a little crazy, I am so sorry I don’t know how to say that in a more kind manner. -

Moving on, your nose. There is something unique about it. A beauty spot, a birth mark, the shape of it.. you know your face better than I do, whatever you know is unique is about it they love it. Even if you think they don’t. - that’s especially for the bigger nose ppl! don’t belittle your beauty. -

Your lip shape, they think it’s so kissable. I am so serious, they look at it as ‘so plump’ and they ‘want to devour it’. - don’t clock it, these aren’t my words. - Now, if you are a girl you decide if this means your face or other lips. 🩷 It’s both.

And we are not done yet, nu uh. 🙂‍↕️☝🏻 Your teeth, your beauty spots, your eye colour in the sun, your resting face, your expression when you are annoyed, your red eyes ‘n nose ‘n cheeks after you cried.. is there anything they don’t like about your face? No. If you let them they will cum on it too.

Your thighs are something they loveeeee too. I for real hope that you are into bites and hickeys because this person wants to leave their mark on you. Whether or not this is only for them to see or if it’s visible to anyone… they don’t gaf, they just want to know that their mark is there, on you. No one else’s, just theirs. Jealous, jealous person. Hella possessive too. ‘Only mine’ sort of thing.

They also like your stomach, especially if it’s more toned. Like don’t get them wrong, they don’t care if your stomach changes. Matter of fact they want to impregnate you. - Not that they are ready for a baby, they are just kinky as hell. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

This is another warning and disclaimer. If you find heavier, darker fantasies and topics uncomfortable don’t read this. This is especially true if you have had negative sexual experiences or if you have traumas that are easily triggered. I am not playing with you. You might hate this.

Menace to society. Like these are only fantasies, and they won’t really act out on each and every single one but when channeling the energy I got a bit perplexed.

First and foremost, they want you to submit to them, completely. No ifs, no buts, no nothing. Just submitting to them. Let’s go through their fantasies one by one..

I believe this is the most simple and common one. This isn’t necessarily something harmful but it does depend on your view of life and the value you put into such things. It’s completely ok to disagree with me on this one. - Notice how I am saying ‘least harmful’ and not ‘not harmful at all’. -

Their most harmless fantasy is you getting over someone, possibly out of a relationship, moving on and still sad with the what happened as you were mistreated. They want to ‘heal’ you with sexual connections. Now, what exactly this is varies person to person. For some of you this is making love, for others it’s having sex and for other people it’s straight up f#cking and messing around. - Crazy to write it out like that, but these are all different things. - They just wanna be ‘the one to heal you.’ Whatever that may mean to them.

For this next one, some of you reading this might like the idea of this fantasy because you won’t fully grasp the idea of it due to being inexperienced but that’s alright, I will do my best to explain to you.

This fantasy revolves around spoiling you, giving you everything you want and pampering you any chance he gets. With attention, words, gifts, necessities, physical touch and in sexual needs. Anything you can think of. The twist in this fantasy is you not being able to do any of this by yourself because no matter how hard you would try you would simply just fail. I am not saying that’s the truth, I am saying that’s their fantasy. Pampering you because you need to completely rely on them, having no other choice. Being obsessed even though you are in an unfortunate situation or might even desire freedom sometimes. It’s like this hopelessness that you have alone, almost as if you need them to be fulfilled in life. That no one else can give this to you, not even yourself.

I don’t think they have a slave kink, but it borders it. This is because they sometimes fantasies about you doing xyz in exchange for these things, like housework and so on.. but in a sinister way, not in a ‘my lovely stay at home wife/husband/partner’ kinda way. Not a ‘sugar daddy/mommy’ kind of way either. Imma be honest and just say I did not see enough things in my life to understand what exactly is going on, but I know for sure that they love power dynamics and want to be the one that’s on top. Figuratively and literally too.

For this one, if you ignored my first warning but you still read and happen to have trauma about physical abuse or domestic violence don’t read what I am about to channel next. Literally don’t. Ignorance is bliss.

We have entered level 10000000x of f*cked up. Their most messed up fantasy is them abusing you, to the point of you having bruises and feeling emotionally defeated. That’s not what turns them on. It’s the fantasy of regardless of this you keep on loving them. Going back for more and unable to leave them, and even letting them do whatever they want to your body. Though, in all these fantasies they do fantasies about having to chase you a little bit. So you not giving yourself easy and valuing yourself but still ending up under them is the main drive they have for this fantasy.

The craziest thing though, this mf seems pure, kind and very respectful. The perfect person to bring home. Well put together, clean, has a lot to offer and treats your family well. You would never think that these sort of things cross their mind. Yet they do.

I am willing to bet a whole tarot deck that many people reading this pile until here didn’t believe a single word of what I wrote down exactly because they appear so perfect and kind.

♡ ⢷ moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ wild thoughts - rihanna , red ropes & red string of fate (symbolism of differences) , virgo , someone is hungry rn , anger issues , ‘breaking dishes all night’ , tiktok edits , hallway crush , tiger/tigress , ‘Tom’ , tom foolery - lmao - , grey , silver jewellry , dreads , nonchalant but very kind , red fruits ? strawberries, watermelon, raspberries, passion fruit and aso on , cracking backs , spa asmr

Idk y’all this man/person is the devil. 😞 you are into what you are into, but do not stay near people who make you feel unsafe. thank you for reading

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile three : - ballet shoes !

𐙚 : the chariot reversed, queen of swords reversed, the star, eight of cups reversed, four of wands, page of swords

bottom of the deck: knight of swords

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

Let’s start with saying that you might think this person is cold or not interested in you but it’s the total opposite.

They want you so bad, and they try to not show it because they are ashamed of how bad they want you. Not because there is anything wrong with you but because they are so good at self discipline, not being influenced by anything too easily and just being a honest and just person. Yet, when it comes to you they cannot help but have these animalistic tendencies, they want to go nuts and have such rough sexual relations with you all while treating you like their Queen/King, pampering you with love and affection.

They don’t want to only make love to you, they want to worship you with every single second that passes. You have a hold on them that no body else have had before and they try to not make themselves look crazy in your eyes but they just want to kiss every inch and corner of your body. Even the ground you walk on. You are so perfect to them and they feel like they need to hide so that you don’t push them away. So you won’t think of them as a creep.

They love you as a whole, if you were to ask them what they find unattractive about you they would not have an answer. There is not a single thing that they deem as a flaw about you at all. They would be offended if you even dared to think that there is. In a sincere way too.

Like you could even believe, even for a slight second that there is anything that they don’t like about you? They would never deem anything about your appearance as a flaw.

And that is true! But they still have subconscious favourites I picked up on lmao,, Which is completely normal!

It’s your feet, your tummy, your fingers - might wanna suck on it idkkkk -, your overall figure, your veins, your waist, the outline of your private parts through clothes, the way that you carry yourself and if you have blue eyes then that.

Though, their favourite thing is none of those. It’s the tension in your body when you are turned on and you think you can hide it well but it still shows through your actions. How you move your legs and the way you rub your legs together, the shy look on your eyes all while you are nervous about people being able to tell how needy you are. It turns them on so bad they could single handedly recreate the Niagara fallls all by themselves, if you get what I mean.

Perhaps they would also enjoy how your own cum looks on your thighs after sex, after coming so much and not being able to control yourself. - I am sorry for the lack of better words. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

Honestly, they just have a worshipping kink when it comes to you.

They want to suck on your body. Your toes, your private parts - on your clit if you are a woman -, your thighs, your stomach - they wanna leave hickeys -, your hips, your waist, your chest, your collarbones, your arms, your shoulders, your lips.. they want it all.

Even if they aren’t into it, they want to do it just to please you. It turns them on because it’s you. They find you crazy hot, like they would go to the ends of the world and back for you.

Not a sub for sure, they rather read like a soft dom that’s very passionate, obsessed and in love with you. They can be a sub for the night if you want them to be though. Put a leash on them and they will go on all fours for you.

And if you don’t like that, that’s cool. They can slap you, pull your hair and go hard if that’s what you need them to do.

If you like regular sex only, that’s chill with them too.

For you, they are both a prince charming and a freak, just depends on what you need of them. They want to cater to your needs all while dominating you. Adoring everything about you.

The only thing they ask for in exchange is for you to be loyal and committed to them, because they sure are to you. Not a single other person on their mind at all. Fuck threesomes and anything else that involves bringing someone else other than the two of you in the bedroom, they only want you.

They could go crazy if you give attention to any other person too. Jealous person, adores devotion above anything else for sure. They are not afraid to leave you if you play games with them. Doesn’t even have to be cheating, but teasing. They love you but they don’t like things like that. They are grown. - Not my words bby, their higher self’s. -

Regardless, they don’t fantasise about you leaving them but rather overthink and worry they you might do so if you find someone else that better fits you. Someone you look at as beautiful, good and all the more compatible with you. This is their worry. - Probably bc of their past but most of you it’s just because they love you so much you are their weakness. -

Their fantasies revolve around pleasing you. Giving you their all. Trying out thousands upon thousands of things with only one another, just the two of you.

♡ ⢷ moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ ‘just the two of us, we can make if if we try’ , ‘i am vanilla baby, I will choke you but I am no killer baby’ , whipped cream , someone here has a mommy kink , curved eyelashes , clown masks , cherry red lipstick , tooth gems , blue whips , shy virgin who didn’t resonate with the kinky bits 🫵🏻 , painted toes! , coffin nails , 18

believe that you deserve good things instead of trying to convince yourself that I am lying to you. that one is very specific for one person not everyone <3<3 mwah my beautiful pile 3 you are so loved by this person I wish nothing but happiness for y’all! thank you for reading

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

[otomegamesforlife]

Sympathetic Pregnancy 2/4: [Rafayel x Reader]

The boys are in for a surprise when they start experiencing sympathetic pregnancy symptoms—before they even realize you’re expecting! One shots of how the chaos unfolds: Completed:

Zayne: Completely baffled and convinced something’s off with his medical expertise. A03 link here

Rafayel: Turns into the biggest baby (as if he isn't already) A03 link here

Xavier: Positive he’s at death’s door (spoiler: he’s not). A03 link here

In-Progress:

Sylus: Frantically consulting underground doctors, fearing it’s a core malfunction.

Each reaction is uniquely ridiculous, but they all prove just how in sync they are with you—whether they like it or not!

"Couvade syndrome, also called sympathetic pregnancy, is a proposed condition in which an expectant father experiences some of the same symptoms and behavior as his pregnant partner. These most often include major weight gain, altered hormone levels, morning nausea, and disturbed sleep patterns- Wikipedia"

Rafayel’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest, much like the exaggerated antics in that Tom and Jerry show you’d introduced him to. He gasped, pressing a dramatic hand to his forehead. “If you want me to die, just say so!”

You blinked, pretending innocence before a mischievous grin spread across your face. Rafayel could already tell you knew you were forgiven. “Scaredy cat.”

“I am not!” Rafayel pouted, though the slight tremor in his voice gave away his lingering surprise. You leaned into him, your familiar scent pulling him back to reality, making it impossible for him to stay mad. “You’re just too light on your feet. It’s not fair.”

You raised an eyebrow, your eyes sparkling playfully. “It’s not my fault everything here is carpeted. Nothing makes a sound! Maybe you’re just too jumpy. I barely poked you.”

Rafayel huffed, trying to regain some of his dignity as he turned off the stove. “As if you remember to wear slippers inside. I made everything carpeted for you, and now it’s backfiring on me.”

“You’re the one who loves being barefoot,” you pointed out, a teasing smile on your lips as you lightly tapped his nose. “Don’t blame me for picking up your habits.”

He couldn’t argue with that. Instead, he gently pulled you away from the stove, wrapping his arms around you and pressing you against the counter. “Did you sleep?” he murmured, nuzzling against your neck, his tone softening.

“Uh-huh,” you replied, nestling closer. “I woke up when you were still asleep and got hungry. Craved shrimp.”

“What if I cooked something else?” Rafayel pulled back slightly, giving you a mock look of disbelief. “You’d cook your own food? Scandalous!”

“I would’ve let you know if you weren’t sleeping,” you said, your reproach more affectionate than accusatory.

Rafayel rolled his eyes dramatically. “I would have woken up for you!” His hand slid up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing gently across your skin as he studied your face with exaggerated worry.

“But… Aren’t you still sleepy most of the time?” You cupped his cheek in return, your playful demeanor shifting to concern.

Rafayel met your gaze, his bravado fading. “Yes,” he admitted, his voice dropping to a whine. “I’m so sleepy. If I get any more sleepy, I’ll be Sleeping Beauty!”

You rolled your eyes, but the concern didn’t leave your expression. “Like I don’t kiss you awake enough,” you teased, bopping his nose playfully.

“Not enough,” Rafayel grumbled, pouting. “You’re stingy with your kisses. Always just a peck, I barely felt it! How is that fair?”

You shook your head in mock disbelief before returning to the issue at hand. “Let’s go to the hospital.”

He groaned dramatically. “Hospitals?! I don’t wanna go. They’re cold, smell like antiseptic, and the lights are too bright! It’s like being in a horror movie!”

You crossed your arms, unfazed by his antics. “You can just stay home and take care of me! You’re much better than any doctor.”

“I’m not a doctor, Rafayel.”

“You’re more than enough! You even had that license thingy,” Rafayel insisted, leaning into your touch.

You tapped his nose playfully. “That’s a first aid certification. Not even close.”

“No,” he whined, holding onto you like a lifeline. “I don’t wanna go.”

“That never worked, you know. You think it will now?” you said, your tone gentle but firm. “But this feels like one of your ebb days. Let’s see the doctor, yeah? I’ll take a day off and stay with you.”

Rafayel’s pout deepened as he tried one last attempt at bargaining. “2 days off, all day and night?”

You nodded, your resolve softening. “okay.”

It should have been suggestive, but this time it wasn’t. He simply wanted to sleep it off and have you there beside him.

Rafayel groaned inwardly as the nurse—a stern woman who once dubbed him “such a Romeo” with an exasperated shake of her head—fixed him with a disapproving glare. He was pouring his heart out about his symptoms, and she looked at him as if he were reciting bad poetry. Her gaze flicked to you, silently questioning the sanity of anyone who would willingly accompany Rafayel to the doctor. You, however, seemed resigned to your fate, especially since you were here for your bi-monthly check-up for the association.

In the waiting room, Rafayel fidgeted, his fingers intertwined with yours. His eyes darted around the room, taking in the stark white walls and the faint scent of antiseptic hanging in the air. “This place feels like a mausoleum,” he muttered, his voice low and dramatic, as though the walls themselves were closing in on him.

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s not that bad. And we’re here to make sure you’re okay.”

“But what if they find something terrible?” Rafayel’s voice wavered, the dramatic edge sharpening as his imagination ran wild. “What if I’m slowly wasting away? I’d be like a tragic hero in one of those old novels—forever tormented, misunderstood, and doomed to a slow demise.”

Before you could soothe his nerves, an elderly woman sitting nearby leaned in with a warm smile. “Sounds like your husband loves you very much, young lady,” she said kindly.

Rafayel blinked, momentarily stunned. “I’m sorry?”

The woman chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling with a secret understanding. “I’m a firm believer that your husband,” she nodded toward your joined hands, “is just getting your symptoms because he loves you so much.”

Rafayel squinted, suspicion coloring his tone. “How is that even scientific?” He wasn’t convinced; the woman’s dignified demeanor did little to reassure him that this wasn’t some whimsical tale.

Her chuckle deepened. “You sound exactly like him.”

“Him?” Rafayel started, but before he could ask, an elderly man in a lab coat approached, a friendly smile on his face.

“I know that tone,” he said, offering his hand to the woman. “What did I do again this time, dear?”

“Well, it’s not you this time. Kind of. Remember Couvade syndrome?” She took his hand, a smirk playing on her lips as if they shared an inside joke.

The man turned to you and Rafayel, his smile broadening. “Trust me, it’s real. Congratulations, by the way. We’ll leave you both now.” He then gently guided the woman away.

Rafayel watched them go, his indignation mounting. “She’s not even a patient!” he whispered loudly, as if the very idea was an affront to his sense of justice. “And she’s here?”

His frown deepened, a mix of confusion and irritation bubbling up. What were they congratulating them for? But before Rafayel could ask more, a nurse called them in to see Dr. Greyson.

Dr. Greyson greeted them with a knowing smile, the kind that suggested he had already heard all about Rafayel’s theatrics. “I heard my parents already diagnosed you outside?”

“Your parents? I knew they looked familiar— Wait, what do you mean diagnosed me? Couvade something? That’s all they said, and it meant nothing! I’m exhausted, like I was born to sleep. Am I dying?”

Dr. Greyson, clearly amused, fought to keep a straight face. He patiently explained the situation, and as Rafayel listened, the pieces slowly fell into place. The matching wide-eyed expressions you and Rafayel shared only made the doctor’s amusement grow.

“Wait, I’m pregnant?” you blurted out, your surprise evident.

“You are,” Dr. Greyson confirmed with a smile, pulling out the results and handing them to you. The room seemed to spin for a moment as the news sank in, the reality of the situation dawning on both of you.

Rafayel stared at the doctor, then at you, then back at the doctor, his dramatic flair momentarily eclipsed by sheer bewilderment. “A baby…” he finally managed, the words feeling strange on his tongue.

Dr. Greyson’s chuckle broke the tension. “Congratulations, you two,” he said warmly, leaving Rafayel to process the news in his own unique way.

“So you’re expecting, and he loves you so much—which we already knew—and now he’s getting all the symptoms?” Thomas summarized, amusement lacing his tone. Of course, Thomas would find this funny. Rafayel wasn’t laughing.

Rafayel's mind was spinning, trying to grasp the absurdity of it all. You were pregnant—that was the joyous part. But this? His bond with you, the one he had vowed to strengthen every day for the past three years, had decided to manifest in the most bizarre way possible.

“Why are you treating this like it’s nothing?” Rafayel accused, feeling a rush of betrayal as he looked between you and Thomas. Weren’t you supposed to be on his side?

You squeezed his hand, halting his restless pacing. “We’re not treating it like it’s nothing, darling; we’re just trying to wrap our heads around it.”

Rafayel gaped at you, his mind scrambling for a logical explanation. “You seriously don’t believe I love you so much that I’m in pain because of it?”

Thomas, sensing the rising panic in Rafayel’s voice, stepped in with a sigh. “Better get used to it. This is only the beginning.”

Rafayel’s eyes narrowed as Thomas patted your shoulder. “Stop touching my wife, I’m right here!” His voice cracked slightly, the weight of the situation finally beginning to settle in. He slapped Thomas' hand away, protectiveness flaring.

You and Thomas exchanged a look—one of those infuriatingly knowing ones—before Thomas backed off with a grin, leaving you to pull Rafayel back to the couch. As soon as he sank into your embrace, the tension in his shoulders began to melt away, and he sighed, burying his face into the comfort of your presence.

“I know you love me so much, but this?” Your voice was soft, affectionate, as you snuggled closer. “Best husband ever. You deserve more cuddles!”

Rafayel huffed, still processing the whirlwind of emotions. “Of course I am. I’m perfect.” He smirked, though the confusion in his eyes betrayed the bravado. “Cuddles,” he muttered, almost pouting, “like that would suffice.”

You played along, tracing lazy circles on his back. “Oh, pray tell, husband… what else do you want?”

“Kisses too,” Rafayel mumbled, his ears warming as he looked away, embarrassed by his own request. “You need to love me more now that you know.”

Your laughter was soft, eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’d try, but you might combust!”

“Puh-lease, you’ve tried it before and it wasn’t even enough” Rafayel drawled, closing his eyes with a content smile as his hand continued to rub comforting circles on your back. “My threshold for your love is unlimited and adaptable.”

As you both relaxed, the absurdity of the situation faded into the background, replaced by a sense of warmth. “But a little fishie… I can’t wait,” you teased, looking at him with a playful accusation. “You’d both be diving down to the sea in no time, wouldn’t you?”

Rafayel’s smile widened, his pride swelling. “Their tail will be so beautiful! You should have seen mine. It was shiny and luminescent.”

“You have pictures?!” you asked, excitement lighting up your face.

“Of course!” Rafayel puffed up with pride. “I’ve got a whole album.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” you scolded lightly, though your tone held a playful edge. “I mean, having a reflective tail as a baby in the deep sea?”

Rafayel laughed, the sound bright and carefree. “No, my little conch shell, neon is ugly. It’s more like diamond hit by moonlight glow, and it repels deep-sea predators. Blinds them, actually.”

“Ah,” you nodded, taking it in. “So, it’s practical, not just flashy.”

“It’s also the easiest way to spot them,” Rafayel added with a grin.

You both ended up scrolling through his baby pictures, melting over how adorable he was back then. Each photo told a story, and as you shared laughs, Rafayel felt the remaining tension ease away, leaving only warmth.

Leaning into you, Rafayel traced patterns on your arm, his voice soft with contentment. “You know, despite everything, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Even if you’re always sleeping the day and night away now?”

“Anything for you”

I felt like him being sleepy will be a big change for him. So yeah. Big baby at your service * giggles* Also Dr. Greyson not Zayne because-- I love that man I can't hurt him like that, not when I'm the one in control! (I'm looking at you Infold)

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Phineas and Ferb fascinates me from a structural standpoint. I'll admit I haven't watched the show front to back, but I've caught the odd episode here and there and I certainly get the gist of it.

The first time I saw P&F it seemed charming but unremarkable, the second and probably third time it became obvious that it was a clever but formulaic show. At some point it clicked. Children's shows are usually formulaic, Dee Dee will destroy Dexter's invention, Elmer Fudd will fail to hunt the Wabbit, He-Man will defeat Skeletor, and Sisyphus will roll that boulder up that hill. Phineas and Ferb asks not just that we imagine Sisyphus happy, but that we imagine that he is ecstatic to see that boulder roll down the hill.

Where the status quo is an unspoken rule of older cartoons it is the explicit law of the P&F universe. There is a roadmap to every episode, you probably already know it but I will spell it out regardless. Phineas will say the phrase "I know what we're gonna do today" thus kicking off their project for the episode. Candace will try and fail to get them "busted". There will be a musical number. Meanwhile Doofenshmirtz will have made an -inator that Perry will be called upon to destroy. Perry will get caught, Doofenshmirtz will explain his plan, Perry will escape, destroy the -inator and the ensuing chaos will clean up Phineas and Ferb's backyard shenanigans just in time for their mom to get home. Ferb says something at the very end, often his only line in the whole episode. The end.

There are stock lines that must be said. "I know what we're gonna do today" "I wonder where Perry is" "Busted" "🎵Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated🎶". The show doesn't just have a cartoon status quo, the universe operates off of the laws of cartoon status quo to the extent that characters actively notice when the cycle doesn't complete correctly. The characters seemingly know that their world operates on cartoon physics, but to them it's just physics. In P&F a giant whirlwind carrying away a giant backyard amusement park is as natural as gravity.

Candace's place as the character who knows this is all insane must be a tortuous existence considering the whole world is conspired against her. Not out of a cosmic meanness but a deep thematic kindness. Candace is the only character whose intent is to cause purposeful harm and the universe will not let her get away with it.

Truly this is one of the most unerringly kind shows I've ever seen. It is unreal how much faith it puts into wordplay, running jokes, and raw absurdity to carry itself while never stepping into the realm of cartoon cruelty.

You know cartoon cruelty. It's why Tom gets punished for Jerry's actions and why the Trix rabbit can never eat his own damn cereal. At its best cartoon cruelty manifests as Ed, Edd n Eddy or the Looney Tunes short Duck Amok where there is catharsis in seeing the characters hoisted by their own petard. At its worst you get CatDog which is so intensely cruel to the character of Cat that I can't comprehend what the writers were going for.

The confident lack of irony is part of what makes Phineas And Ferb work. The show is a parade of cartoon cliches and dad jokes and it never it never winks at the viewer or lampshades how silly this is. It just has absolute faith that the corniest jokes ever really are that funny. And so they are. I actually laugh out loud every time they do the "Aren't you a little young for this?" "Yes, yes I am" bit. Maybe it's the delivery, maybe it's just the confidence in the bit. Probably a bit of both. I am smiling to myself just thinking of this dumb running joke.

But what this all amounts to is what every bit of fandom wankery amounts to. I am of course talking about shipping. For my money the best bit in the show is the romantic framing of Doofenshmirtz and Perry's rivalry. This is where the show's cartoon logic and unrepentant kindness synthesize perfectly. The homoerotic undertones of the spy/supervillain dynamic are an extremely tired observation and are usually only emphasized in an ironic sense to poke fun at pieces that never intended the gay subtext. P&F flips this joke by not being even a little bit ironic about it, but still adhering to the unspoken nature of the gag.

The end result is that Perry and Doofenshmirtz's status as a romantic couple is tacitly understood to be part of the shows status quo, but never commented on. The world of P&F is too inherently kind to be homophobic (homophobia being a key component of the joke) but it still has a joke shaped hole to fill. So it does the funniest possible thing and fills the hole with nothing. The joke is the lack of a joke. The expectation of a joke that is met with a shrug from the show's own internal logic. And that's really funny. An evil scientist and a platypus are in a loving relationship that happens to also be a hero/villain rivalry. Don't worry about it. It's not the weirdest thing happening in the tri state area I promise.

[chasingfictions]

btw these are just some of the yellowjackets dynamics btw. To Me.

tainat are two cousins who are best friends they vanish every family holiday to go "take a walk" aka get fucking blazed down the block from their aunt's house

vanlottie are like okay. you are my master i am your disciple no you are my patient i am your nurse no you are my god and i made you a god no you are my salvation and i am begging you to stay there. bottom4service top.

taishauna are like okay youre wives but it's not romantic. youre life partners but it's not romantic. youre chosen soulmates but it's not romantic but it Is but you have never fucked and even if you did it wouldnt change anything . taishauna are like okay we are common law besties we are bound to each other by something deeper than anywhere else. taishauna said what if we were teh one healthy dynamic either of us is ever going to have with anyone. they said what if we were best friends forever. they said What If We Were Best Friends Forever.

shaunajackie is homoerotic girlbesties who kill each other what more has to be said than has already been said. theyre cathy and heathcliffe and theyre both girls and what if they kissed except they WONT and thats the POINT if they could kiss they wouldnt kill each other but they have to kill each other so.

lottienat are like . this is the most complex and profound relationship two people can have to each other is if one of them is charlotte isobel matthews and the other is natalie something italian scatorccio. if you ask me to describe it in words i cant. however i Can start crying and the crying will Hurt and that will explain it. they are the same person. im cradling them in my hands. they have known each other in every lifetime. they cant fucking stand each other and they are the only people each other can stand.

mistynat are like what if two very different kind of cats got fixated on each other by accident and now they will chase each other to the ends of the earth in increasing madcap schemes mistynat is tom and jerry . mistynat is like you know that bit at the end of pride and prejudice when everyones like. lizzie and darcy??? what????? that's mistynat to the rest of the yellowjackets . mistynat is a happy awful lab accident <3 and theyre kissing <3

shaunanat is like two siblings who are trying to kill each other and would kill for each other i'd say it in more words but i dont need it

shaunalottie is like. okay we're gonna be weird about each other forever in increasingly complex and disgusting ways yes it's gay but that's just part of it. we're dismembering each other but that's also just part of it. shaunalottie is like okay ill beat you nearly to death and youll be weird about my offspring in blood cult ways. those are real things that happened.

vannat are like oh ive known you since before i can remember what words even were .

[the-monkey-ruler]

Just a random ask, what are some weird JTTW adaptations you’ve seen or heard about?

I can’t even begin to call them all but… if you bear with me, I shall try.

Here are a few games that I always found funny additions!

Starting off strong we have Journey to the West: Undersea Adventure (2021)! I have never seen it but LOOK AT IT.... THEY FISH

Six-eared Monkey (2021) where Six Ears goes back in time, accidentally adopts Wukong not knowing he is his future enemy and gives his life to save Child-Wukong despite knowing who he grows up to be.

Wukong's Christmas Adventure (2019) is like... saving Ruphdolh or something and Wukong is going through a mid-life crisis and also kinda depressed but CHRISTMAS. Also the Erlang and Nezha models in this movies are TERRIFYING... and also they have Wukong rap so take a look.

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013) is weird but like in a GREAT way like... I love the monster designs they give Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing, it is such a different vibe then any other movie I have seen and Honestly LOVE It for that. Really sells just how HUMAN Sanzang is dealing with POWERFUL YAO that could kill him in a second.

Bling (2016) is strong that it didn't hAVE to be Xiyouji coded characters like the Monkey, Pig, and Frog are robot storage performers, wannabe heroes and they follow their creator who is trying to propose to his girlfriend but there really is not journey or ANY need to have the robot being Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing.

Spark: A Space Tail (2016) is also BARELY a Xiyouji film but like it does have a monkey with a staff and turns out he is the son of a king and a queen of monkey planet. Really more like Lion King with the evil uncle trying to take over but with space monkeys.... and also Bajie is there.

Mo mo King (2011) is something I'm not completely sure what's it about but just that it is like a whole monkey island that Wukong-like protag works at... and also Bajie is there.

Devil's Chip (2002) again NO idea what it is really about but there is space and time travel and for some ungodly reason no wukong from what I have seen but Sanzang and Bajie company the space/time travler

Flying Monkid (1996) I have no idea why this was ever MADE like there is barely a connection to Wukong and every other demon is new or some kind of version that is barely recognizable, not to mention the animation is barely any better than Pixal art.

Flying Superboard (1990) I always just found this one strange from the animation to the art style to the design choices. Like making Wukong some kind of skateboard, nunchuck, mouse-looking creature and giving Bajie a machine gun is.... something. I have no idea what they did to Wujing, made him like a bat, goblin thing.

Midnight Goku (1989) is like a sci-fi detective story where the protag has like computer eyes that can see through people and a bo-staff and honestly, I haven't seen but just the STRETCH they use to make this Wukong-related is so insane like would have never thought of it.

Little Wukong (1987) honestly not SURE what this story is even about but like... it is nearly lost media, this is so obscure and out of the way I have a feeling it was probs a children's education show or something but idk.

The Legend of Red Boy (1989) is something that looks like candy land spat out and while I have not seen it I am so sure that it is filled with nonsensical elements I cannot begin to describe.

King Kong's Adventures in the Heavenly Palace (1959) is... more of a crossover than anything else. Just imagine a movie where instead of Wukong destroys heaven... it is Kind Kong. Legit THE king Kong from the OTHER MOVIES YES.

Pink Journey to the West (2015) is honestly not that strong I would say besides that it is just Journey to the West but they are all girls... haven't seen it but who knows maybe it is good!

Tom and Jerry Chase with Tom as Erlang Sheng and Jerry as Wukong

Fortnite Wukong... that is it

Overwatch with Xiyouji skins just think it is adorable honestly. Love the Winston as Wukong

Plants versus Zombie: Journey to the West addition

Rabbits: Party of Legends

And while this isn't EVERY weird (there is a lot) one these are that I thought were at least interesting enough. Like a lot of Xiyouji movies have strange plotpoint but honestly, they are more boring and confusing than anything memorable. At least these were the ones I always thought were fun!

[gryficowa]

Boycott!

Remember to boycott!

I don't know why, but I'd rather see Bill recover (And become a better version of himself)… I guess I'm tired of the "Irredeemable Wrong" trope (I know it's reality, although it's more applicable to people, because people unfortunately, they can be evil creatures… We all see Putin and Benjamin… Just pure evil, but in the case of supernatural characters or simply not people, it is strange, because we judge the character through the prism of what we know, not what this being knows, that's why I love TOH, because at least here many perspectives are shown, but many productions, especially those old, is based on one perspective…)

Hello, we live in such an absurdity that characters can forgive genocide and murder of an ADULT MAN, but if he were a demon or another entity, they would not forgive and this is absurd, because a person probably knows what he is doing, while a demon or another entity cannot be fully aware of his actions, because he is NOT HUMAN, HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS, ESPECIALLY THE FRAGRITY OF LIFE

I'm just tired of this trope where we often have double standards, we should expect more from an adult than a demon or other entity, I just find it quite disturbing and stuff like that, because seriously, I don't understand that we have normalized forgiving genocide/murder in humans, but in beings who don't know shit about how important life is and that it's bad, we suddenly expect them to understand right away

(Information, this does not apply to Bill, although he can be explained by being a demon and having a fucked up psyche)

I don't know if I managed to describe my feelings towards pop culture, but I'm not fanatical about the fact that we see double standards, we forgive a bad person when he is a human being, but when he is another entity, we throw him into a bad pile…

I don't idealize this type of characters, it all just irritates me, because you seriously have to be human for them to forgive you WHEN YOU KNEW 100% THE SERIOUSNESS OF YOUR ACTIONS? I'm already irritated by the trope of dying villains (Especially with the sacrifice because it's empty), it just seems meh

Maybe that's why I didn't like many American cartoons… I preferred Czech or Soviet cartoons, or from other countries, but the USA productions were average…

Apparently productions in the USA have improved in this respect, but it doesn't change the fact that there are things that irritate me, there are just a lot of them, e.g. Violence as comedy (It bothered me when I was a kid, yes, I'm talking about "Tom and Jerry", or characters who make fun of others, mainly protagonists… I speak as a former scapegoat, I'm just not into violent comedy, I prefer character dynamics)

I don't know why Americans were obsessed with making comedies out of violence (Unfortunately, Poles used to be too, and that's why I don't like Polish productions… At least many of them), but I just didn't like it… Eh…

Now that I have your attention:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote at the very top, I wanted to write why I would like Bill to have a new form, and this is what I came up with, so yes, my ASD brain, as usual, jumps from topic to topic like a frog

My only concern is that people will miss fundraisers because of this

Today I had to pay an invoice (As I mentioned, I don't have a bank account, so you know, physically), so that's fun…

I mention this because actually… I don't know

[boiohboii]

The Tattoo Sleeve (Neymar Jr. Soulmate au)

Chapter 1

Prologue

I am currently sleep deprived, so I am really sorry for any mistakes.

I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

Warning: curse words

Taglist: @itzz-me-duh

------------------------------------------------------

"I need something to cheer me up that doesn't come from a vending machine," y/n took a seat beside the young children "you got any ideas?"

Three pairs of confused brown eyes looked to their left, seeing a white coat before tilting their heads up to see an unfamiliar face. Anyone passing could feel the peculiar atmosphere; the young lady having a relaxing aura while the three boys looked uncertain of the question itself, much less how to answer.

"Don't worry," reassured y/n "I am a doctor here, my name is y/n."

With a look to each other, the three decided to trust the long piece of clothing along with the card hanging on her neck, and introduced themselves.

"Thiago"

"Davi"

"Mateo"

"You boys have such nice names." Cooed y/n.

"Thank you."

"We are not babies!"

"Don't talk to an adult like that! Papa and Mama told us to be nice."

The two brunet boys reminded her of tom & Jerry in that moment, they were currently arguing about whether to be polite or to not trust strangers. Both rules taught to them by their parents, and both were correct - well, some would argue about always being polite rule, but that's not the current issue.

"A hug." A timid reply came as the blonde boy admired his swinging feet.

"Well, who's the lucky person that you hug?"

"Papa and mama," Lucca smiled. "My grandma too! She gives the best hugs!"

Y/n smiled at the small boy's enthusiasm as he talked about everyone that has hugged him with a wide grin on his face.

"What about me?!" Exclaimed Thiago. "I hug you too!"

"Yeah, but you're shorter than me!"

"Hey! My brother isn't short! He is big and strong!"

A laugh escaped y/n as she watched the three boys argue over the fact that a person is short doesn't mean they aren't strong. Oh they are so cute! I want to squish their cheeks so bad!

Going through her pockets, y/n searched for a few candies to give to the boys as a thank you for cheering her up, she always loved talking to kids they had the most genuine and entertaining conversations, especially with each other. However, as she was digging around she felt a smooth, slightly wet smudge on her fingertips, no no, please god I don't want to stay in a small cubicle for 10 minutes to reapply anything!

Looking at her wrist, the concealer's tone was bright and clear against the white sleeve margins, y/n groaned and rolled her head backwards.

"Miss, are you okay?"

Came a small voice, making y/n realise that the three boys have stopped their back and forth and watched her intently, not sure if they should move away in case she wanted to rest; Davi remembered his mother telling him of how hard doctors work and study to be able to help him, or if she was hurt and they should call someone.

"Ahh yes," y/n smiled reassuringly. "Just my coat got a bit dirty and I have to go change."

She wasn't about to tell them that her connection to her soulmate was writing on skin, and that her soulmate was obsessed so she had to wake up nearly before all and any gathering or meeting or work appointment by 3 hours to cover up tattoos that her soulmate placed on his skin with no consideration of the consequences that will occur to her nor her request at 23 years old asking him to please, stop.

Yes, she was and still is bitter about it, she can hold a grudge. (She, in fact, can not hold a grudge for more than 2 hours.)

"Is that a tattoo?" Mateo frowned with knitted eyebrows as he tried to get a better look at the drawings under her sleeves.

Wide eyes and a stumped smile on her face, y/n nodded, wondering how such a young boy knows what tattoos are. Well, there is internet everywhere. However, unlike her thoughts, the little boy had recently been obsessed with his father's right arm, looking at the black ink with the occasional question.

"Papa has that!" Raved Thiago as he looked at his brother and friend with shinning eyes and a wide smile. He had rarely seen any women with tattoos, only a few and he has no idea why, but it was something new to him and it made him want to sit with the doctor for much longer.

"Yes! Uncle Leo and papa have tattoos!" Gushed the blonde boy with his friends before asking y/n if there was more.

Not seeing any harm in showing three little boys the small uncovered part of her uncontrolled tattoo sleeve, she lifted a bit of her coat, just a layer really. And as soon as she had done so, the only blonde gasped as his eyes widened, freezing in place.

He looked familiar, very oddly familiar, and she knew that, she knew that she saw him before, she saw him nearly everyday in black ink on her forearm. She was desperate for the thought in her head to be wrong, to just be her mind playing tricks on her or for her to just currently be going through a romantic drought that she is making things up.

But, she was so, very wrong.

"That looks like papa's!" Davi exclaimed as soon as y/n showed her arm.

Well, holy shit. I am not insane. I'm right!

Oh. I 'm right.

Chapter 2

[arkus-rhapsode]

So... What is a Cartoon Network Show? (A Discussion)

Hey everyone, Arkus back again and I'm doing something that I alluded to a while ago, but I was working on a project involving Cartoon Network. Now for those unaware, I don't consider myself to be a part of the larger animation community like say a Cartoonshi or an Alpha Jay Show. I approach this topic as simply someone who grew up on Cartoon Network and has always had a level of reverence for the channel and undoubtedly had an impact on my formative opinions on the value of animation that I still have to this day.

So when I heard the announcement for Jellystone's Crisis on Infinite Mirths special it got me wondering-wait what is a Cartoon Network show? Now that might seem like an easy answer: "Its a show that was on Cartoon Network," but as I delved deeper into the question there appeared a great amount of context that seemed to go all over the map. I'm sure that there are people more versed in the content that may see this as common sense knowledge. So this is post for people like me-the average enjoyers of animation who want to understand more and have greater context about a channel they may have a soft spot for and want to be better informed when the question is asked, "what is a Cartoon Network show?"

(Yes I did make a spreadsheet on this one. This wasn't a task I took lightly)

So before we really get into the weeds of everything, I do want to make sure we're all on the same page: Cartoon Network is a television channel which is aired in multiple countries around the world which is overseen by the parent company of The Cartoon Network Inc. Which itself is owned by the mega conglomerate that is Warner Bros Discovery. The Cartoon Network Inc. Owns various production companies to make original content the primary ones being Cartoon Network Studios, Hanna-Barbera Europe, and Williams Street. The network itself is broken up into several blocks such as Cartoonito (An early morning block aimed at pre school children) and Adult Swim (An evening block aimed at 18+ individuals). With (At the time I am writing this) the 6 AM to 5PM being aimed at kids 6-12 years old and being considered "Cartoon Network" hours.

So with all the terminology out of the way, lets address the obvious answer of "a Cartoon Network show is a show that aired on Cartoon Network" I would say that interpretation is a bit reductive. Sorta like calling every game that's been on a Nintendo console a "Nintendo game." While not necessarily wrong, it does conflate the idea that the third party games are the same as the first party ones, which also makes a lot of misinformation very possible. Cartoon Network like Nickelodeon, Disney and many other channels can have original programming and acquired programming. Original programming being shows made for and existing solely on this network while acquired programming may be shows or movies that a company is pay broadcasting rights for. You see this a lot in foreign programming. Obviously the various anime that air on Toonami are not creations for Cartoon Network nor produced by them.

However, I think there is some interesting things that would be considered acquired programming on Cartoon Network. Because now we have to talk about why Cartoon Network exists in the first place and that's Hanna-Barbera.

Without Hanna-Barbera there would be no Cartoon Network. Plain and simple. The channel was founded with the intent of housing the animated library of Hanna-Barbera (Along with classic Luney Toons shorts from the 40s) when Ted Turner successfully acquired the studio. Now the thing to remember is Cartoon Network was made in the early 90s, while Hanna-Barbera shorts had existed since the 50s in various forms of syndication. Usually on ABC.

As such these shows like Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, Scooby-Doo, Tom & Jerry etc. Wouldn't be considered original programming for the network. But it would be a division of Hanna-Barbera that would become what we know today as Cartoon Network Studios, which would begin creating shorts for "What a Cartoon!" Which would in turn become the seeds for Cartoon Network's first original programming.

Speaking of acquired programming, I'm sure if you're of a certain age group you probably remember Warner Bros other network that contained original animation-The WB. And probably more famous its animation block, Kids WB.

Now the reason for the creation of The WB is itself a massive business interests and experiments in network television and policies of the Federal Communications Commission, so I simply want to get into its well known kids programming block, Kids WB that actually served as an outlet for shows created by Warner Bros Animation. Such as

Animaniacs

Pinky and the Brain

Freakazoid!

The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries

Superman: The Animated Series

Road Rovers

Waynehead

The New Batman Adventures

Histeria

Batman Beyond

Detention

¡Mucha Lucha!

What's New, Scooby-Doo?

Ozzy & Drix

Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island

Loonatics Unleashed

Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get a Clue!

Now, you may be seeing some of those names and wondering, "Wait wasn't that on Cartoon Network though?" Which yes, many of these shows would come to Cartoon Network especially in the wake of the WB's own tumultuous history that would eventually see it become one half of what we know todays as The CW. However, many of these shows weren't made to be aired on Cartoon Network, but rather to air on the The WB, which while both were owned by the greater Warner Media parent company, these were acquired programming. I can personally attest to reruns on the Cartoon Network being my exposure to shows like Freakazoid and Superman the animated series and The WB in turn actually had aired some programming from Cartoon Network such as Samurai Jack and Powerpuff Girls. And because these properties are all owned by the same parent company it actually makes the water more muddy on what is "Cartoon Network show." Made even more complicated by the fact that Hanna-Barbera the production company as we know it would be absorbed into Warner Bros Animation in 2001.

We are not talking simply about getting Pokemon because some broadcasting money was exchanged to air in America, we're actually talking about programming that the channel itself was founded on rerunning and playing reruns made by a sister network in the bigger Warner Television umbrella.

As such, while I don't think the "If it aired on Cartoon Network, its a cartoon Network show" is an interpretation I agree with, I can see where there's a shared level of DNA in some of the programs that makes it harder to separate the two.

This actually leads us to another potential answer for what is a Cartoon Network show, "Its a show made by Cartoon Network Studios."

Now as previously mentioned, Turner would acquire Hanna-Barbera and at the time Hanna-Barbera was still making new shows by the time Cartoon Network was started. Such as The New Adventures of Captain Planet, 2 Stupid Dogs, and SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron. But these shows would actually end up debuting and airing on TBS, another Turner/Warner Television Arm. But now we return to that newly formed division in Hanna-Barbera studios known as Cartoon Network Studios. This studio was primarily made for making original programing for What a Cartoon! which would lead to the creation of some of the earliest Cartoon Cartoons.

Johnny Bravo

Cow and Chicken

I Am Weasel

Power Puff Girls

And of course the big one, Dexter's Laboratory.

In fact, when you look back on it, Dexter's Lab is structured similarly to an old school Hanna-Barbera show. Where you'd have say the Huckleberry Hound Show, but you'd have various segments one being the Huckleberry Hound segment, but then having a segment focusing on Hockey Wolf, and a segment with Pixie, Dixie and Mr Jinks. In the case of Dexter's Lab, an episode could contain a Dexter segment then go into Dial M for Monkey or The Justice Friends.

However, these weren't really considered "Cartoon Network Studios" as we in the early 2000s probably remember it. As these productions were still made by Hanna-Barbera for the first few seasons with Cartoon Network Studios being a studio in name only at the time. Probably why you may remember older Dexter episodes ending with the Hanna-Barbera logo then followed up by the Cartoon Network Studios logo in later seasons.

Now if we went strictly by Cartoon Network Studios being what makes a Cartoon Network show (Including the previous five shows mentioned) and originally aired on Cartoon Network then that leaves us with:

Now some eagle eyed viewers may have noticed that this list has some noticeable absences. Such as Courage the Cowardly Dog, Codename Kids Next Door, The Amazing World of Gumball, Teen Titans, and one of my favorite Cartoons of all time, Ed Edd n Eddy. And well the simple answer is that they weren't made by Cartoon Network Studios. Ed Edd n Eddy was made by a.k.a Cartoon and Funbag Animation Studios. Kids Next Door like Sheep in the Big City was made by Curious Pictures. And Courage the Cowardly Dog was made by Stretch Films (Though both Courage and Kids Next Door would have their pilots developed in Hanna-Barbera).

Gumball was made by Hanna-Barbera Europe which is a production company under the Cartoon Network Inc parent, but is again technically not made by CN Studios. Teen Titans is another product of Warner Bros Animation same with Teen Titans Go. Kinda funny that a show that for a time basically controlled the channel wasn't even made by CN Studios. Even the first ever original exclusive show made for the Cartoon Network, The Moxy Show, wouldn't count under this definition as it was made by Colossal Pictures.

There's also the fact that some shows made by Cartoon Network Studios are exclusive to Adult Swim such as Primal and some to the pre-school block of Cartoonito. Now these may actually be more rare than you would first think as really only Jessica's Big Little World was made by CN Studios for Cartoonito, while Adult swim actually has its own interesting background.

You see, Cartoon Network's earliest adult animation was the animated parody talk show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Which utilized the classic Hanna-Barbera character as a surrealist spoof of late night talk shows. These would be produced not under the banner of Hanna-Barbera or Cartoon Network Studios, but actually under the name Ghost Planet Industries. This production arm would eventually become The Cartoon Network Inc in house production company for adult animation known as Williams Street. So most shows you might watch on Adult Swim these days are by Williams Street. However, with the fifth season of Samurai Jack, you being to notice that Cartoon Network Studios became more comfortable producing shows that would air in the evening time slot of Adult Swim.

(Also this is a complete side tangent, I didn't want to include failed pilots within this list as it would feel like unnecessary bloat, but I wanted to highlight Korgoth of Barbaria made by Aaron Springer with animation made by Genndy Tartakovsky, which was sadly never picked due to the production cost, would be repackaged as a special on Adult Swim. And this was a co production with Cartoon Network. Like wow. Like wow! I know we have Primal on the list, but its kinda just a bit of trivia I like)

So while they're made by CN Studios, they were not shows accessible to CN's usual demographic time slot.

And that's not even beginning to scratch co-productions Cartoon Network Studios has been involved with over the years. Such as the Star Wars Clone Wars series made by Genndy Tartakovsky or transformers Animated which obviously the Star Wars and Transformers IP isn't owned by Warner Bros. Same with Mixels. But then there's shows such as Villainous and Jorel's Brothers which are actually originally properties made with the Latin American Branches of Cartoon Network. Villainous itself relishes in so many Cartoon Network cameos.

And then there's the CN Real shows which... Yeah I think its not Gatekeeping of me to say they don't count.

And of course there are shows that while made by Cartoon Network Studios would actually end up either being web exclusive or go straight to HBO Max like Get' Em Tommy, Tig n' Seek, and The Fungies! There's also the many, many shorts, pilots, and pilot movies produced by Cartoon Network Studios like Welcome to My Life, Party Wagon, and Fire Breather.

It's a lot. And I get why some people really want to simply it. But it's also why I think simply saying a "Cartoon Network show is a show made by the Studio" you're leaving out several shows, some of which icons of the network. And some CN Studios shows just never had a chance to be part of the Network in the same way. This isn't a question that can be easily simplified like that.

So maybe the answer is "A Cartoon Network shows is a Cartoon Cartoon?" Yeah, afterall Ed, Edd n Eddy are considered Cartoon Cartoons even if they weren't made by CN Studios. Heck, look at competitor Nickelodeon who dubs all their various animated works produced "Nicktoons." Surely, Cartoon Network can do the same, right? Well you see, unlike Nicktoons which became an overall term for all their original programming (and honestly much easier to do research on), Cartoon Cartoons specifically referred to a programming block which then became the collective brand name of the shows that aired between 1996-2009 (Ending with Ed Edd n Eddy). But even then some CN Originals made during that time weren't recognized as Cartoon Cartoons like Samurai Jack. Nor were shows like The Moxy Show recognized retroactively.

The Cartoon Cartoons were:

Dexter's Laboratory

Johnny Bravo

Cow and Chicken

I Am Weasel

The Powerpuff Girls

Ed, Edd n Eddy

Mike, Lu & Og

Courage the Cowardly Dog

Sheep in the Big City

Time Squad

Grim & Evil (Eventually Split into The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy and Evil Con Carne)

Whatever Happened to... Robot Jones?

Codename: Kids Next Door

So really the term Cartoon Cartoons is honestly an exclusive club for a specific set of shows on a specific programming block. That even itself doesn't cover every Cartoon Network show even for a specific era as there are absences from even that. So while Cartoon Cartoons are Cartoon Network shows, not every Cartoon Network Show is a Cartoon Cartoon.

Well then maybe a Cartoon Network show is a show that had to originally aired on Cartoon Network and was exclusive to only it?

With this definition we're abled to include many of the CN Studios shows everyone is popularly aware of while being able to include shows made outside of CN Studios like various Cartoon Cartoons, Warner Bros Animation shows and Hanna-Barbera Europe.

That said, this would exclude things like the shows from The WB and Hanna-Barbera back catalogue, and the Looney Tunes shorts. While Boomerang has become the home for all the classic Hanna-Barbera programing, you can still see the reverence that CN has for its roots from cameos in CN Originals and CN City to new iterations of these shows airing on Cartoon Network like the Real Adventures of Johnny Quest, The Looney Tunes Show, and Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated.

Speaking of Boomerang, while also another channel owned by WBD Television, many of the Cartoon Network shows have migrated over to. Thus not really making them all that exclusive anymore As well, this definition would also include CN Real programs which... yeah umm not sure about that. No matter what Cartoon Network is for Cartoons.

So even this isn't quite a perfect definition. Neither would be using the HBO Max section labeled Cartoon Network because its obviously and incomplete record that has erased so many shows from its catalogue.

So if all these don't work, then what does? What is a Cartoon Network show? Well... Maybe it's not something that fits in with an objective empirical definition. It may sound corny, but Cartoon Network shows always felt like a family to me. In a way that made this sort of recognizable brand between many of its shows even if all of them were very different in their themes, styles, and humor. I think that's why CN City is so in the minds of people, because you took all these varying characters and made a world where none feel out of place. And it wasn't just Cartoon Network characters, you had the classic Looney Tunes and even goddamn Captain Planet roaming around with all these younger shows.

There's even been recent efforts to enforce this cohesion. As the CMYK/Redraw Your World era. Mixing together this color coding with all these various characters and designs to make them all "fit" together so to speak.

Obviously, Im being a bit flowery here. Im sure Cartoon Network and Warner Bros legal team could probably give you an extensive copyright list which they hold and what can be used, but I still think there is value in this being an answer that you can come up with yourself.

And to me, Cartoon Network represents one of the most important channels in animated television. At its highest and even at its lowest. Cartoon Network was the place of creating cartoons, a place where in the short existence of creator driven network television animation, so many legends were born. This was a channel that really brought out so much creativity from talented people that were inspired by the classic animated shows of the golden age who are inspiring new creators even to this day. That shouldn't be forgotten. That shouldn't be erased. Whether unfitted or seasonal rot, this family of cartoons deserves to be remembered.

This is just me, but this is what I would consider Cartoon Network shows. Shows that were made for CN regardless of being CN Studios, Hanna-Barbera Europe, or Warner Bros Animation. The WB, TBS, Adult Swim stuff? That's more off in its own little corner. Cousins of CN almost.

And I guess I turn the question to you, So... What is A Cartoon Network show?

Well that got a bit heavier at the end. But I hope you enjoyed this. I didn't want it to be a big think piece like some of my more recent discussion post. And I didn't just want it to be me making a list without some thoughtful context. If you enjoyed this please give a like or a reblog, I've been trying to do more fun projects on Tumblr recently that go out of my usual postings.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Closure

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Addison Goodwin

Characters: Elvis Presley, Addison Goodwin, Jessie Goodwin Presley, Lisa Marie Presley,

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 7145

Summary: The Class of 1980 aren't the only ones learning a few things.

Tags/Warnings: Graduation, Set in 1980, College Graduation, Angst, Fluff, Past Trauma, Arguing, Lying, Past Cheating, Mistrust, Kissing, Affection, Miscommunication, Mentions of Death/Dying, Long Term Illness,

Notes: The last one was far too fluff heavy so here’s a lil angst sandwiched between some fluff <3

Also the inspo for scott is tom cruise in looks only cos I don't fuck with that man AT ALL but as 80s heart throbs go he's a good one - I would've had rob lowe if he wasn't my inspo for young jerry

ELVIS MASTERLIST // ELVIS AND ADDISON MASTERPOST

Addison winced as she tugged on her skirt, realising too late in the day just how short it was and that it would no doubt be no defence in stopping the backs of her thighs from sticking to chair plastic in the rampant June heat. She just thanked her lucky stars it was the dry heat of California and not the swampy warmth of Memphis she’d long since become acclimatised to. As she tugged it again it gave way a little, stopping just short of her mid-thigh but making her grunt in disapproval as her mood soured a touch more. Not that her outfit choice had much to do with how she was feeling. Still, today wasn’t about her. It was about Jess and she wasn’t going to let some silly outfit or anything else ruin that. She’d done her job, she’d raised her baby to be a good person, a sweet young woman who was ready for the next chapter in her life which was entering the big wide world. She’d got her to graduation and Addison was going to be damned if she let anything stop her enjoying that.

When she walked out of the bathroom she found Elvis sitting on the bed slipping his shoes on though his movements slowed as he watched her move around the room finishing getting ready. She could feel his eyes on her but she said nothing, rubbing perfume into her pulse points as he watched on quietly.

‘Still not talking to me?’ he said after a moment of silence, his words finally getting her to turn around, a scowl on her pretty face.

‘Are you gonna accuse me of more ridiculous things?’ she asked, watching him expectantly, ‘because if the answers yes then yeah, I’m still not talking to you.’

‘Oh Addie come on you’re being ridiculous,’ he said standing up from the bed and coming towards her. He’d expected the frosty nature she’d left him with last night to have thawed by now though he should’ve known his wife well enough to know that once she was set on something she’d see it through to the end. He had just hoped the end would’ve come before they had to leave for Jess’ Graduation.

‘I’m being ridiculous?!’ she scoffed incredulously, ‘after last night?’

‘What am I supposed to think?’ he asked defensively.

‘You’re supposed to trust your wife!’ she said angrily, pushing past him and heading to the door, grabbing her purse off the dresser as she went.

‘And you’re supposed to tell the truth!’ he said hot on her tail. At his words she whipped around, trapping him inside their room as she stood on the threshold, the anger from last night back on show though he could see she was trying to stifle it, pushing it down inside herself and allowing a mask to take hold.

‘You know what?’ she said, ‘I’m not doing this.’

‘Ads,’ he sighed.

‘I’m not talking to you about this now,’ she said.

‘What are we gonna do sit in silence?’ he bit back.

‘No,’ she said firmly, ‘we’re gonna smile and be supportive of our daughter on her graduation day because she deserves her parents to be there for her and not wrapped up in their own shit.’

‘Addie,’ Elvis said feeling his anger and irritation be ripped away only to be replaced by guilt.

‘I mean it Elvis,’ she warned, ‘we are not ruining today for her got it?’

He watched her for a minute forcing whatever upset and anger she was feeling down inside herself all in the hope that Jess would have a good day. He knew it was probably wrong to do so, to force the emotions bubbling through the pair of deep inside themselves, but as he thought of Jess preparing to enjoy her special day he couldn’t help but agree with his wife. Today was about Jess. Their little tiff would have to wait and so he did the only thing he could do, nod.

‘Thank you,’ she said tersely moving away from him as she said, ‘be downstairs in five.’

And then she disappeared heading downstairs as Elvis flopped back against the door jamb, closing his eyes with a sigh. He knew it was his own fault. That this little spat they were having probably could’ve been handled a whole lot better it was just that his own doubts had gotten the better of him. He’d allowed ideas to fester, to spin out of control, until finally he’d snapped, his anger fuelling his wife’s and leaving them both unhappy in the process.

‘Oof what did you do to piss her off?’ he heard a voice say nearby and looked up to find Lisa watching him with a bemused expression.

‘Nuthin’,’ Elvis grumbled, ‘and what have I told ya about swearin’. It ain’t lady like.’

‘Well whatever it is you better fix it,’ Lisa warned, ignoring the jibe about her household etiquette like she did most of her attempts to reign her in, ‘because she’s right. Jessie don’t need you two screaming at each not today.’

✵✵✵

‘Jessie Josephine Presley,’ the dean said forcing Addison to sit a little taller in her seat as she watched her daughter emerge from the side of the stage walking towards him with a smile on her face, one that grew slightly embarrassed as she heard a distinct rise in the noise level as Elvis leapt to his feet hooting and hollering with help from his entourage as they celebrated her.

‘Dad stop embarrassing her,’ Lisa grunted, pausing her clapping to tug on his jacket as she tried to corral him back into his seat with little avail. It was only then Addison’s eyes left their daughter going instead to her husband who continued his celebrations before they landed on Lisa.

‘Leave him be,’ she said smiling as Lisa rolled her eyes and went back to her own applauding. Only once Jess was safely across the stage did he sit down, sinking back into his chair as he pretended not to notice the ogles and stares from other parents as realisation sunk in. They weren’t the only ones staring though as beside him Addison couldn’t help but glance his way her heart swelling with pride. Even in the sweltering June weather he seemed to feel the heat of her gaze, their eyes meeting for the first time since they’d sat down. Elvis smiled at her, his heart too full to even think about their current situation and though Addison returned it her mind seemed to wander back to it quicker than his as she looked self-consciously back towards the stage. Elvis held in a sigh, the guilt from before creeping in, and in order to fend it off he leaned in hoping his sentiments would be regarded in the way he intended as he murmured, ‘I know we’re not speaking but you did really good with her.’

‘We did good,’ Addison corrected, offering him a smile in return.

It wasn’t much but it was enough to ease the palpable tension they’d been sitting in just a little though as the dean continued to drone on, listing his way through the rest of the alphabet, it didn’t stop either of them from thinking about the reason they were in this mess in the first place.

Elvis was sitting in his room staring at the phone as if looking at it would change the information he'd heard come from the helpful lady at the bank not ten minutes ago. As if looking at it would vanquish the hurt inside him, hurt that only worsened as Addison appeared at the door, an apologetic smile on her face as she rushed into their room, kicking off her shoes and dropping her purse to the floor as she said, 'hey, sorry I'm late I hit traffic on the freeway.'

'Hm,' was all Elvis could mutter in return, his lacklustre response not noted as she continued in her own world, oblivious to the temperature of the room. 

'And I know we said we should go out to dinner tonight but would you mind if we skipped it? I mean we're going out tomorrow and it's only Mar and Jer,' she reasoned. 

'Mmmhmm,' Elvis said, though his jaw was so tight he wondered how he'd even managed to get the noise out, but its quietness evidently spoke volumes as she turned around, watching him curiously as she said tentatively, 'everything okay?' 

'I don’t know,' Elvis said honestly, 'why don’t you tell me?'

'Huh?' she asked, her brows knitting together in confusion that only made the hurt inside him turn to irritation. 

'I mean I thought whilst I've been spending time with our daughter you were out doing the same but apparently not,' he said, watching her closely as she started putting the pieces together. She'd seemed genuinely confused at first but as he mentioned Jess, the pawn in her lie, the realisation appeared to surface.

'Elvis,' she sighed and though her tone was gentle he knew it was still a warning. But Elvis wasn't listening, he didn't want to give her a chance to lie to him and so he continued, 'I mean you sold it well. I have to admit your actin' skills could land ya in Hollywood.' 

'What's that supposed to mean?' she said.

'No, no, Elvis you spend the week with Lisa and Cilla. Give me some one on one time with my little girl,' he said mockingly which made Addison's jaw tighten. They were teetering on the edge of a full blow row, his mocking and mentioning of her only trigger, their daughter, only adding fuel to the fire, but she was holding back. He could see it in her eyes that she was trying to calm herself but he had no interest in letting her, too heartbroken to take a minute to think.

'Let me explain,' she said.

'Why don’t you explain why you said you were spending the week with Jess when in reality she hasn't seen you at all,' he spat.

'I'm sorry okay, I didn't mean to lie to you. I just thought-'

'What that I wouldn't figure it out?' Elvis scoffed, shaking his head as he moved away from her, 'funny ain't it. I mean I always thought I'd be able to read you but I guess we're both stupid.'

'Just let me explain,’ she said indignantly.

'What so you can tell me I'm wrong? That you ain't lied to my goddamn face? Though again I guess in the scheme of things lyin' ain't the worst thing here,' he said, he was by the window now, staring out at the view of their backyard as he felt tears building inside him.

'What?' Addison asked angrily, 'what exactly are you accusing me of? Because I admit I told a lie but I told you I'm sorry-'

'And is that supposed to make up for cheatin' on me too?' Elvis said spinning around to face her in the hopes that there was still some part of him that could read his wife. That in the heat of the moment he'd know the truth.

'Wait you think I'm having an affair?' she asked the disbelief in her voice matching that on her face though it broke through to laughter. Laughter that died as she noticed he remained stony faced, ‘you're serious?'

'As a heart attack.'

'Elvis,' she said, all amusement gone from her voice as she watched him brokenheartedly, 'you really think I'd do that?' 

'Why not? It's happened before,' he reasoned. 

'You mean Cilla?' she said and though he didn't reply his silence was enough. After all he'd been down this road before. He'd lost his last wife to another man but that he could understand. That had been down to his own actions. Their marriage wasn't like his and Priscilla's which is why he didn't understand how she could do something like this, why it hurt so much more to think that she could. 

Whatever hurt Addison had been feeling however turned to anger, the tears brimming in her eyes being quickly brushed away as she said, 'well excuse me if I thought that our marriage was a bit stronger than that.'

'Don't turn this around on me!' Elvis protested.

'How could you think that after everything we've been through? How could your immediate thought be that I'd throw our marriage, our life, away and for what? Some guy? Some five minutes of nothing-'

'What am I supposed to think?' Elvis said, 'you lied to me. Told me you were hangin' out with Jess when you're hanging around seedy motels in Reno.'

'How did you-' Addison whispered, confusion bubbling inside her once more though he wasn't letting her have any time to process it.

'So come on what is it? Some old boyfriend from Vegas? I mean it's perfect distance from here, hell, you don’t have to bother goin’ all that way-'

'You were checking up on me?' she asked, the puzzle pieces slotting together as she realised the only way he could've known where she had been was by tracing her credit card.

'I got curious,' he spat, 'sue me.' 

They were both quiet for a moment, watching each other closely as the anger between them festered in the air. She knew he would be angry. She knew that he wouldn’t understand that had been why she had elected to keep it a secret in the first place, well at least until she was sure about what she was going to do. But to have him think this? To think that one little white lie could be a cover for her throwing their marriage away hurt her deeply. In fact, she couldn't even process how he could think so low of her. 

'You're unbelievable,' she said, breaking the silence as she turned to walk away from him. He could be angry if he wanted. He could shout and scream but she was angry too and she wasn't going to dignify his ludicrous accusations with a response. Not until she had calmed herself at least because she knew if she did she'd only be flinging the hurt he was feeling back at him. And that was asking for trouble.

'Don't you walk away from me,' he shouted.

'I'm walking away from you being ridiculous,' she called as she headed into the bathroom.

'I'm not being ridiculous I'm asking my wife for a fuckin' explanation,' he said, grabbing her by the arm though she wrenched it from his grasp as she whipped around to look at him.

'No! No, you don’t get to accuse me of doing something like this and then expect explanations. If you wanted an explanation you could've just fuckin' asked me but you had to assume the worst of me,' she said brokenly.

'Addie,' he said, the anger in his voice evaporating when he saw how hurt she was.

'Leave me alone Elvis,' she whispered, and before he could protest she shut the bathroom door in his face, leaving both of them standing on either side of it wondering how their night had come to this. 

✵✵✵

'Jess over here!' Elvis called gruffly as he spotted his daughter, too busy chatting to her college friends as they made their way through the stands to be actively looking for their respective families. As she looked up she broke into a smile and bid a quick goodbye to the girls around her before she hurtled towards them, breaking through the pockets of people gathered around until she was in front of her parents.

'Hi guys,' she said as he swept her up in a hug, holding her so tight she felt as though he may have squeezed all the air from her lungs, not that she minded given they hadn’t seen each other in weeks.

'Congratulations!' her mother said watching as Elvis finally let her go, allowing her to be able to hug her.

'Thanks,’ Jess smiled.

‘C’mon now let’s see it,’ Elvis said gesturing to the diploma in Jess’ hands which she unfurled so they could have a look at it causing Elvis to offer up an impressed whistle, ‘phew ain’t that sumthin’. Now that’s goin’ in the trophy room for sure.’

‘Dad it’s not that big of deal,’ Jess blushed, tucking it back under her robes and out of sight as a blush tinged her cheeks.

‘It’s a huge deal! You worked your butt off,’ Addison said with a proud smile.

‘Your moms right,’ Elvis agreed, ‘my daughter is a college graduate and that’s something worth celebrating.’

‘Yeah well I heard your celebrating all the way from the stage,’ Jess giggled.

‘That was just the start,’ Addison said, ‘plenty more to come.’

‘No party right?’ Jess asked hesitantly.

‘No, we followed your orders,’ Addison said.

‘Yeah we followed your rules,’ Elvis grumbled, ‘you guys really know how to ruin my fun ya know that.’

‘I couldn’t risk you asking everyone over to our house like my high school graduation,’ Jess said raising her eyebrow at her father who shrugged as though he didn’t recall inviting every member of Memphis Catholic High’s senior class over to Graceland despite the fact Jess only had a few close friends given that she barely spent time there due to their chaotic schedule.

‘Well we did exactly as you said and booked a table at boulevard like you wanted,’ Addison said unable to stop herself from smiling at the memory which didn’t go unnoticed by Elvis who smirked in response.

‘Thank you,’ Jess said, ‘because I just want-’

‘Hey Jess!’

At the sound of her name being called she whipped around to find a boy coming towards her a beaming smile on his face. Elvis and Addison watched as he rushed up to her her, wrapping her up in a hug as they beamed at one another.

‘Congrats!’ he said excitedly as he finally pulled back though he didn’t let her go. Addison and Elvis shared a look.

‘You too!’ she said excitedly, ‘can you believe it we actually made it.’

‘I know it doesn’t feel real,’ he said with just as much enthusiasm.

‘I know what you mean I,’ Jess said stopping mid-sentence as she seemed to come back to reality and realise her parents were still standing beside her, watching her and her friend with the same curious expression, though admittedly her father’s was a little more hostile. The boy seemed to notice they weren’t alone at the same time though his face seemed less embarrassed and more in awe as he realised just who was watching them. It was a look Addison had seen a million times before, one she’d never quite gotten used to, seeing strangers fawn over her husband but she wasn’t interested in looking at Elvis. She was eying the boy in front of her and more importantly the way Jess had looked at him.

‘Uh mom, dad, this is Scott,’ Jess said as she detached herself from the boy who placed his arms firmly near his sides, ‘Scott this is my mom and dad.’

‘Nice to meet you Mr and Mrs Presley,’ Scott said offering a hand out for Elvis to shake though he merely looked at it, scrutinising the boy as he sweated in his formal wear.

‘Mmhmm,’ Elvis grunted.

‘Nice to meet you too,’ Addison said rushing to relieve the tension by picking up the conversation though not before she subtly nudged her husband who rolled his eyes but put the boy out his misery and shook his still outstretched hand, ‘I take it you’re graduating too.’

‘What? Oh yeah,’ Scott said, ‘though I don’t know how. I wouldn’t have made it without Jess she got me through our business class for sure.’

‘Is that right?’ Elvis asked again earning himself a discreet dig in the ribs for his tone.

‘Well isn’t that nice,’ Addison smiled, ‘you know we’re having a little get together if you want to join? The more the merrier and all that.’

‘Mom,’ Jess said red glowing underneath her radiant summer tan as her blue eyes went wide.

‘Actually,’ Scott said awkwardly, ‘my folks have a party planned but uh thanks.’

‘It’s f-fine,’ Jess stammered, ‘don’t worry about it. Enjoy your party.’

‘Call you later?’ Scott asked.

‘Sure,’ Jess nodded, offering him a small smile which he returned before he disappeared into the crowd. Jess looked at her parents exasperatedly though both of merely shrugged. Before she could berate either of them though she was engulfed in a sea of people as the rest of the celebrating party descended forcing Elvis and Addison to take a step back. Elvis wasn’t really paying attention to the mob, his mind too focused on his little girl, well his not so little college graduate and the way she’d beamed at the presence of that Scott kid. He did however notice how a hand slipped into his, a head on his shoulder as his wife watched the group too, her mind on the same thing.

✵✵✵

The air was cool when Addison stepped out of the restaurant though she didn’t know if there was a chill in the air or rather that the restaurant itself had been sweltering due to the sheer amount of people Elvis had invited to join them. Jess may have gotten her wish of having a simple get together rather than a party but that hadn’t stopped him inviting every friend and family member they had. Still, Addison couldn’t complain because even with all the fuss she’d declined wanting she’d seen just how happy her daughter had been all afternoon.

‘So, how’s it feel to be a college graduate?’ Addison said sidling up beside her daughter as she left the building and diverting her away from the masses of people gathered on the sidewalk, ready to head home or continue the party dependent on the whim of the Presleys.

‘Pretty good,’ Jess smiled leaning into her mother before she pulled back.

‘It suits you,’ Addison giggled, ‘so what do you wanna do now? We could go back to the house I got a cake.’

‘Actually,’ Jess said her happy smile dimming with nerves as she murmured, ‘I’ve been invited to a party.’

‘Oh,’ Addison said trying to not sound too disappointed.

‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘that’s okay right?’

‘Of course it is. It’s your day after all,’ Addison said with a smile as she moved a strand of hair off her face as watched her. At her acceptance Jess visibly relaxed and Addison couldn’t help but smile. It never failed to make her laugh, how days like these had been something she’d used to dread, and yet now she couldn’t help but enjoy them. Sure she would’ve liked to have spent all day with her but she was just happy that Jess felt comfortable having her own life. A life that may or may not have included a handsome brunette boy. At that thought Addison smiled. She may have been able to let her little girl go but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to have some fun of her own.

‘This party wouldn’t happen to be Scott’s would it,’ Addison said quirking an eyebrow as Jess flushed deep crimson.

‘We’re just friends,’ Jess stated.

‘Okay,’ Addison giggled.

‘Mom!’ Jess chastised.

‘What?’ Addison asked feigning innocence.

‘You’re looking at me like, well, like that,’ Jess scolded.

‘Oh I’m not looking at you like anything,’ Addison said waving her off, ‘and if you wanna be just friends that’s fine.’

‘I know that,’ Jess said.

‘But your dad and I were just friends,’ Addison added watching as Jess rolled her eyes.

‘Well thanks for your input but like I said we’re just friends. Though speaking of dad thanks for coming today,’ Jess said swiftly moving the conversation on in the hopes it would get that warm fuzzy feeling to leave her stomach.

‘Like we’d have missed this,’ Addison said.

‘I mean even though you guys are fighting,’ Jess said, batting that awkward feeling back into her mother’s court.

‘How did you know that?’ Addison asked.

‘Well Lis ratted you out,’ Jess answered, ‘but I would’ve been able to tell anyway.’

‘Well don’t worry about it. Besides it’s nothing to do with you guys,’ Addison said guiltily.

‘We’re a family remember. It has everything to do with us,’ Jess said, ‘you guys good?’

‘We will be,’ Addison said firmly.

Jess looked as though she wanted to get into the semantics of it all to make sure that there was nothing to worry about but fortunately for Addison a car pulled into the parking lot before she could ask any further questions. It wasn’t that she minded how much Jess cared about her parents because she knew it only came from love. It was just that it wasn’t her place to worry about them. She had her own life. She didn’t need to parent her parents. It had been one of the reasons that Addison, though devastated, had insisted she go to college where she wanted to which just so happened to be two thousand miles away from Memphis.

‘That’s my ride,’ Jess said waving at the two girls in the front of the car which was idling in the middle of the lot.

‘Go,’ Addison said with a smile.

‘But dad,’ Jess protested, looking for her father who had still yet to emerge from inside no doubt having been collared by fans or friends.

‘I’ll tell him you said goodbye,’ Addison said leaning in to hug her before pulling back and pushing her towards the car, ‘now go! Have fun!’

‘Bye,’ Jess nodded, ‘love you.’

‘Love you honey,’ Addison said as Jess dashed towards the car, chatter immediately breaking out amongst the girls as they headed off on their journey.

Addison watched as it disappeared onto the street her mind running over the past twenty-four hours. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions, not all great, and yet on the whole she felt fine because as she felt a hand touch her waist, her husband’s handsome face coming into view as she turned to look at him, she knew that when she had told Jess everything would be okay she was telling the truth.

‘Where’s Jess?’ he asked, scanning the sidewalk but seeing his eldest nowhere amongst the crowd.

‘She had a party to get to,’ Addison replied.

‘She ditched us?’ Elvis asked incredulously.

‘Maybe we’re not the best company,’ Addison said.

‘Addie,’ Elvis sighed. Since they’d gotten to the restaurant the mood had changed and he’d hoped that their tiff had been forgotten though it appeared that was not the case.

‘Wanna go for a ride?’ Addison asked softly. Elvis paused. The tiff might not have been forgotten but he could tell from her voice this wasn’t a request for a repeat of the screaming match they’d had the night before and given he wanted to get to the bottom of it too he couldn’t deny her only request.

‘Sure,’ he said.

Even though most of the party would be headed back to the same house as them it took a while for them to get away from everyone given that they were all still in the party mood. Eventually though the pair managed to break free, climbing into the car and heading out onto city streets until they got to the coast line. Since it was still relatively early and a weekend the beaches were lined with people and Addison watched them as they whizzed past, frolicking on the shore line and sunbathing under the western sky. Elvis however wasn’t watching the scenery, he was barely watching the road, because he was too focused on watching his wife, wondering what was going on in that head of hers. Eventually he couldn’t take it any longer and so he pulled into a little parking bay overlooking the cerulean waves below. When she kept her eyes forward looking at the expanse of ocean in front of them he cleared his throat causing her hazel gaze to find him.

‘So, is this round two or a truce?’ he asked, quickly looking back out the windshield as he awaited his answer hoping it was the latter as he wasn’t sure he had another fight in him.

‘The second,’ Addison said, ‘I’m sorry about last night.’

‘Me too,’ Elvis agreed glancing at her though he couldn’t help but shift guiltily under her gaze, ‘I know I shouldn’t have said what I said.’

‘It really hurt me…that you could think that stuff about me after everything. E, I would never do that to you, to us,’ she said quietly.

‘I know, I know,’ Elvis said turning to look at her properly, ‘but you gotta understand where I was comin’ from. I mean it’s happened to me before, hell, I’ve been the one cheatin’ before Addie. It was just the sneakin’ around, the secrecy, it stirred up all this worry in me and I didn’t know what to think.’

‘Maybe…but you know me Elvis. You know me better than anyone. Even if you had a million ideas in your brain surely you knew I wouldn’t do that,’ she said.

‘I know,’ he said sadly, ‘and deep down I knew it couldn’t be true but honey you ask me to trust you and I do. But you lied to me. Anyway you slice it there was a lie there.’

‘I know,’ Addison said sadly. She knew he had a point, that she had no right to expect his trust given that she had lied to him, but it was the fact he could contemplate her betraying him like that. He was her love. Her only love. But that didn’t mean he’d understand. That didn’t mean that they always saw eye to eye and that had been what she’d been afraid of which is why she had lied.

‘Don’t ya trust me?’ Elvis asked hoping her answer wouldn’t be anything but positive.

‘Of course I do!’ Addison said, ‘El I trust you more than anyone on this planet it’s just…I didn’t know how you’d feel. I didn’t know how I felt about it so until I did I didn’t wanna tell you. Until I worked it out for myself.’

‘You’re pregnant?’ Elvis asked unsure as to what could be so daunting she couldn’t bear telling him.

‘What no!’ she said swatting him on the arm with a roll of her eyes, ‘like I wouldn’t tell you about that!’

‘Oh come on Addie it’s gotta be something big if you didn’t wanna tell me,’ he grumbled making her smile apologetically.

‘Okay, okay,’ she said turning towards him properly, ‘you were right. I wasn’t staying with Jess like I said. I wasn’t even in Stanford this week. I was in Reno…visiting my mother.’

‘Mona?!’ Elvis asked any thoughts he’d been having immediately disintegrating under the shock of her words.

‘Yeah, even after all this time she’s got a knack for getting between us huh?’ she said bitterly. Of all the things she could’ve told him he would never have thought of that and as bile started to churn in his stomach at the idea of the woman he sighed. No wonder she hadn’t told him.  

Still, questions swirled around inside him each of them fighting to get out first yet as he watched her drop her gaze guiltily he held them back and tried to remain calm. She was right, even all these years later Mona had managed to cause a rift in their relationship and though he wasn’t exactly happy about the lie she’d spun he could forgive her for it because to not would to be play further into her mother’s hands. And so he decided not to fire on all cylinders, to hold himself back in the hopes she’d explain as he said, ‘what happened?’

‘She wrote me a letter a few months go saying she wanted to see me, that there were things she needed to tell me.’

‘Yeah probably give me some cash,’ Elvis said through gritted teeth, his emotions catching hold almost immediately though he softened as she threw him a look muttering, ‘sorry.’

‘That’s what I thought,’ she said placing her hand over his large one where it rested between them on the seat, ‘believe me I fully intended on ignoring it. There was nothing I wanted from her so I threw it away and tried to forget it.’

‘But?’ Elvis said. Addison sighed.

‘She wrote again,’ she said gnawing on her lip, ‘said it was important and well I got to thinking.’

‘She got in your head,’ Elvis said.

‘No,’ Addison sighed again, ‘maybe…but I just started thinking what if it is something important? I mean what if it’s something that could affect me or Jess like some genetic thing or whatever and then I thought what if it is and I don’t find out.’

‘She got in your head,’ Elvis said knowing how all of this would’ve been swirling around inside, gnawing at her brain the way she gnawed on her lip when she was nervous.

‘Yeah,’ Addison admitted meekly.

‘So?’ he asked.

‘So I replied and asked her what she wanted. She wrote back and asked to see me, gave me an address in Reno. I didn’t do it lightly you know. I thought about for a long, long time and I only decided to go because I knew I’d always be wondering and I’d probably drive myself crazy in the process,’ she said.

‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’ Elvis asked. He didn’t like Mona but if he was being honest that wasn’t the part that hurt him. Her keeping it from him was.

‘I thought about it but I knew what you’d say. And I wanted to make this decision for myself,’ she admitted.

‘If you’d have just asked I would’ve respected your wishes,’ he said.

‘And held your tongue?’ she said raising an eyebrow which made him sheepish, ‘I just wanted to have all the information but I should’ve told you. I hated lying to you…but like you thinking I could…y’know sometimes I still think like that stupid kid all on her own.’

‘Well you’re not,’ he said moving to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

‘I know…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. If it makes you feel better all I wanted was to talk to you about it,’ she admitted.

‘Yeah?’ he asked.

‘Yeah…it was what I was going to tell you when I got home last night before well everything,’ she said fiddling with a button on his shirt.  It seemed silly now to not have told him but at the time she couldn’t bring herself to. She knew he’d try his best, to let her go through with seeing Mona if it was what she truly wanted, but he’d always be watching – threatening to cloud her judgement. Except once she had landed in Reno all she had wanted was to talk to him, to tell him everything that was happening. It had been why she hadn’t bothered Jess by telling her they were fighting. She knew it was in built in her oldest daughter to worry about them because she had spent so much of her childhood watching Addison pretending she was okay. Jess had seen how she’d held herself together thinking she was all on her own but now she had him, she always would. Her mother had just stirred up all that hurt, like she always did, and somehow she’d lost sight of that causing this whole ugly ordeal.

‘Well you can tell me now,’ he said.

‘I know,’ she said.

‘What happened?’

‘I showed up at the address she gave me, to this dingy little house on the outskirts of the city. It was awful, practically fallin down around her and she was just sitting there looking worse than ever,’ she said growing quiet for a moment before whispered, ‘she’s dying El. Six months.

‘Yeah right,’ Elvis scoffed gritting his teeth and trying to make himself look more understanding as she pulled away from him.

‘I know, I know!’ she said exasperatedly, ‘I didn’t want to believe her either but…El she looked awful. I don’t think she’s telling lies this time.’

‘So what?’ Elvis said.

‘I listened to her sob story. I let her tell me how she regretted everything, how she was only now seeing how badly she’d messed everything up and how she was sorry,’ Addison said. She wasn’t looking at him now, her gaze out the window as she stared at the bright blue of the horizon a wistful look on her face as she murmured, ‘but you wanna know something?’

‘What?’ Elvis asked.

‘In all that talk. In all the apologies and promises and begging for my forgiveness…she didn’t ask me one thing about Jess. Not one. I mean I can understand us, our whole ordeal has been plastered in enough papers by now but I had a baby less than a year after she left and she never even thought to ask about her. Not how she was. Not how I coped. Not if she could meet her…her own granddaughter,’ she said finally looking back at him except now the sadness on her face was hardened like it had been the night he’d told her she’d left town all those years ago. Every time Mona had blitzed into her life she’d always had hope, something that he’d thought had been truly stomped out at seventeen, but now at forty he could see it was. That even though she’d given her mother the benefit of the doubt by speaking to her it hadn’t been because she’d hoped for more.

‘I mean I didn’t expect her to have changed no matter what she told me but even on her death bed begging for help she couldn’t even put in enough effort to pretend. Not even for five minutes. She could spin a yarn, give me her sob story but she couldn’t even ask one question about her own granddaughter,’ she said bitterly.

‘Yeah will it Jess was probably of no use to her,’ Elvis said honestly.

‘I know,’ she said.

‘So what did you do?’ Elvis asked.

‘I heard her out. I listened to her pretend she was all torn up about being a terrible human being waiting for the other shoe to drop and what do you know it did,’ Addison said, explaining as Elvis’ brows knitted together, ‘she’s not got any money for her doctors bills or rent.’

‘That’s why you were cashing cheques,’ Elvis said connecting the dots quicker than expected and sighing as she dropped her gaze to her lap, ‘Addie.’

‘I know I shouldn’t have after all she’s done to me. I know I should’ve left; I shouldn’t have even gone. I know she’s a terrible person but I’m not. El I know you might not get it but I’d rather be thought of as a fool who gave her money out of the goodness of my heart than the bitch who refused to help someone who needed it.’

‘Oh honey,’ Elvis sighed.

‘You understand right? Please tell me you understand,’ she said.

‘Of course I understand. C’mere,’ he said pulling her into him and allowing her to be engulfed by his presence. He held her to him stroking her hair as she nestled against him.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ she sniffed, ‘I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to.’

‘Your mothers tricky business. She gets in your head, she always has, it’s not your fault,’ he said, his voice soothingly rumbling against her ear. She settled then, the pair of them falling quiet for a moment though Elvis couldn’t stop his brain from spinning yet this time there was only one question on his mind, ‘are you gonna see her again?

‘I don’t really see the point,’ she said turning so that she wasn’t completely tucked into him though she didn’t pull away, ‘I paid six months rent on a room in a care facility for her. I gave her a cheque to cover any extras she might need and told her not to blow through it because that was it. I have no illusions of her wanting to see me again not now she’s got everything she needs.’

It had always been odd to him how a woman could want nothing to do with her only child. How Addison could be centre of his entire universe and yet the woman who should’ve thought the same could only ever begin to bother with her when she needed something. He couldn’t ever contemplate doing that to either of his girls and he couldn’t picture his parents or Joe doing that either. That was why he hated her so much because of all of them she’d gotten the most time and yet she’d squandered it away. She watched him mulling it all over, concern falling on his face as an idea struck him, his bright blue eyes looking down at her as he asked, ‘do you want to?’

‘Honestly?’ she asked, Elvis nodded, ‘no. I think I needed to do this for me for closure I guess that’s why…’

‘Why what honey?’

‘On my way out of Reno I stopped by a funeral directors. I paid for a package and called the warden asking him to let me know when...when it’s over.’

‘Well that’s an honourable thing to do,’ he said moving her hair off her face as she leaned into his touch.

‘I think it was more for me. So I know that’s it,’ she said, ‘I don’t know if I would wanna go yet.’

‘Well if you do we can. Both of us. Whatever you need baby,’ he said leaning in to kiss her. She was still for a minute before she leaned into it, their lips melding together as he pulled her to him as if they were teenagers desperate for a moment alone rather than married fortysomethings.

When they pulled apart she was breathless, a thankful smile on her face, and though he knew he should probably be serious he couldn’t help himself, electing as he always did to put a smile on her face which came immediately as he smirked and said, ‘so Scott huh?’

‘They’re just friends,’ Addison giggled pulling back and sitting beside him, her head on his shoulder.

‘Is that right?’ Elvis asked.

‘Mmmhmm,’ Addison smiled.

‘Well I’m glad,’ Elvis murmured, ‘he seems nice.’

‘Elvis Presley!’ she gasped pulling back with a beaming smile, ‘are you actually conceding your little girl should actually be allowed in the big wide world of dating?’

‘She’s a college graduate now,’ he said seriously, ‘time to let her live a little.’

‘You’re still gonna put him through the wringer huh?’

‘Oh for sure,’ he smiled.

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002 @sania562 @caitlin1996 @literally-just-elvis-fics @notstefaniepresley @artlesson8892 @18lkpeters @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @presleyenterprise @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @lettersfromvenus @louisejoy86 @ccab

[wascallywabbit1938]

This is my pinned post! PLEASE read through it so you know what you're getting yourself into LuL

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Hope y'all have a swell time hearing me ramble on about dumb shite!

[wwillywonka]

when you're writing heaven on their minds, what version of willy is in your mind? is it depp wonka or wilder wonka? I know for sure it's not chalamet wonka. or maybe the musical ones? borle or snook?

hi anon! thanks so much for the question!<3

i try to emulate this in heaven on their minds by the very fact that i include bits and pieces from all versions of canon, but my willy is very much an amalgamation of every willy. and when i say every, i mean every, which is why i reward myself (with the self-awareness of its pomposity) with the Wonka Expert title - because i don't consider just one willy wonka to be The willy wonka; they're all him and he cannot exist without every piece of himself.

in terms of physical appearance, i've shared my art of him on here (and on my instagram @/corduroycyborg), and those drawings are about as close as i can get to portraying how he looks in my mind: tall but too thin for his height, mid-length thick curly chocolate-coloured (ha!) hair that he straightens within an inch of its life, deep set electric purple eyes that can increase or decrease in saturation depending on his mood, nose like a rabbit's, perfect teeth and painted nails and gold jewellery and always a thick layer of makeup to hide his insecurities. i also go back and forth a lot in my head about his race considering i myself am mixed asian and pretty much project everything about myself on him. but i like to keep it ambiguous to make him an accessible character for all readers, an intentional choice that plays into the themes in hotm of him feeling like he isn't a person without the media and his fans telling him who he is. hotm (my) willy is definitely more based on 2005 because that is my favorite version (and because i am hopelessly, unfortunately attracted to twink johnny depp for no reason) but also because i feel like that movie does the best job of externalising his inner self through his appearance. wilder wonka is classic, of course, but i've always thought, even as a kid, that he just looks too damn nice, is too charismatic. wilder wonka, while definitely mad (the boat scene>>>), is just a big ol' teddy bear. his hair looks so soft, and the way he picks up charlie and twirls him around is so 🥺🥺🥺. gene wilder himself said that he wanted his wonka to look trustworthy so that he could focus on making his personality unpredictable, which i appreciate and think works well in the 1971 movie - but willy is supposed to be antisocial and scary and off-putting. it makes him so much more interesting to me. the original book describes him as bright and colorful, yes, but also as someone charlie immediately wants to unpack, to study, to understand. and the way wilder wonka doesn't even wear gloves...!! that's a hugely essential part of willy's character and his adversity to the outside world, and it just isn't present in what is typically considered the "best" version.

in chapter 7, i describe willy lounging in a oscar wilde-esque fashion, with a floral robe and lipstick and a french bob. i know this is technically me stretching the femininity of depp wonka perhaps a little too far, but it's my own special charm i've built around the character in the past many years of him being my favorite character of all time. perhaps it's just me being really bisexual and projecting my particular type and relationship with gender onto him; i accept that and own it. i will forcibly feminize my blorbos all i want and that is my right. now, to address gareth snook wonka. tbh the worst wonka look besides the unspeakable tom and jerry movie. THAT BEING SAID, uk tour willy is probably my favorite portrayal of the character ever. he's unpredictable, he's scary, and his attractiveness and charms are so unexpected but make so much sense in the most surprising ways - snook wonka is cunty, i'll say it. mix his personality with depp and that's MY willy!!!

and yeah, definitely no chalamet wonka. i literally don't think about him at all while writing the character unless i'm considering how noodle fits into the story. and i've said this before but i don't care for borle wonka even though i know he's a fan favorite. sorry lol.

TLDR: 93% depp, 6% snook, 4% dahl, and 2% wilder. ("but that's 105%!" yes.)

((p.s. the artist who appears most on the big unpublished playlist i have for him is lana del rey. if that helps paint a picture🎀🍫🐇🍒).

[lastweeksshirttonight]

We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.

[a-casual-egg]

yay, ship bingo!! piratewoods for you as well, and bisonbelle, please? :D or silas/garnet, but i know this ship bingo isnt really made for QPR ships so they might not get many hits gbfjdgfjk

Piratewoods:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", "I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "THEY NEED TO KISS ALREADY", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

Bisonbelle:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", "I ship them because of canon", a drawing of a person with a smug expression doing a thumbs up, there is an arrow pointing to them and text above it that reads "deranged", "I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "THEY NEED TO KISS ALREADY", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", "OTP/OT3", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

Silas x Garnet qpr:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", "I ship them platonically", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", "They need to bite each other harder and more often", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

[fleshwerks]

now, since we're here giving oppressed mages something to really cry about this morning, let's continue with the thought exercise.

'what about weak mages?'

What about them? Let's say I'm a mage who can conjure rain. Only rain. Single spell. If I was clever enough, I'd be wealthy enough to retire within a year by using that single spell. I am, after all, a woman who can conjure life-sustaining water by simply thinking intensely. I can turn barren lands into lush farmlands, and I can damned well charge money for my service.

Would I have enemies? Yes. But who are my enemies? Chiefly people who have something to lose by me being there, offering my service. So, competing water bringers. I have a massive edge over them because unlike my non-magical competitors, I don't have to buy the equipment needed for transporting water. I don't have to buy beasts of burden and feed them to transport water. I can conjure up water wherever I am, whenever I want, and because there is zero expenses in it for me, I can charge cheap prices, and enjoy the protection of those looking for my services. Because they don't want to go back to greedy, unreliable water bringers.

'but what if the people capture you and force you to work for free?' Well, I can still kick them in the nuts with my legs, no? But even then, forcing someone, anybody, to do what you want is difficult on the best of days. And I have an unique power! If I was any regular slave, I'd be easily forced to work because of how replaceable I am. Any ither tom dick or jerry can do what I do, and that makes my life cheap. But if I can conjure water in a desert the way no one else can? I'm a fucking weather god. I am not powerless as a rain mage in a desert, I literally hold the key to life and death inside my mind. The locals are my bitches, dependent in my generosity. They will not kill their water source. They'd be building shrines to me, pleading me for the rain the same way they worship their gods for auspicious weather. I am irreplaceable.

And that's how my weak ass rain mage self went from nobody to someone worshiped as a god. All because I have the lame ass power to conjure a drizzle.

[ohimsummer]

hi summer don’t you worry about pest maintenance in your house catoru and i are on the job 🫡 last week i saw a mouse and had catoru chase the mouse tom and jerry style (yes that implies that The Mouse Won….. i don’t want to talk about it and neither does catoru. he still has a comically large cartoonish bump on his head from running into a brick wall that the mouse had painted to look like a tunnel. it wasn’t his proudest moment)

PLS NAWRRR THE BOY😭 THANK YOU FOR THE INBOX MAINTENANCE LOGAN ML 😽 ALSO I AM STILL GIVING HIM TREATS AND PETS AND KISSES FOR HIS EFFORTS!!! I AM STILL PROUD OF HIM FOR TRYING OKAY PLEASE TELL CATORU I STILL LOVE HIM AND HIS ENDEAVORS (even if they are failures….i am glad that he Tried <<<3333 )

this is how I am imagining him after his failed attempts at mouse catching 😭