#yes I am Jerry from Tom and Jerry

[automaticllamacycle]

I hope y’all like my profile pic and banner bc it’s literally me it’s my energy.

[vamptarot]

What Will They Like About Your Body | PAC 18+

pile one pile two pile three

how to choose a pile . . . choose whichever you feel drawn to or ask your guides to guide your eyes to the one that is meant for you! ᡣ𐭩

— ⭑.ᐟ this is for diversity reasons, if you don’t want to, don’t read it, if you want to, go for it. this will be covering what they like about your body and what they fantasise of it. ‘they’ meaning your special person. not proof read.

𝝑𝝔 If you are under 18 years old don’t read this. This is made for consenting adults. If you think you are grown enough, no you are not.

pile one : - high heels !

𐙚 : five of cups, page of pentacles, five of swords, three of swords, two of cups reversed

bottom of the deck: six of swords

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

Every single little thing, there is nothing that they don’t like about you. Which can, yes, be annoying to hear, because this isn’t what you were curious of, but these feelings are sincere. They come from the bottom of the heart.

Your special person looks at you as the star, as this very perfect person, the most beautiful of all. They find your looks dreamy and even the tiniest of folds and details are beautiful about them. The beauty of ancient statues, if you struggle understanding the concept of it.

It’s the feeling of “this is actually a real body with a lot of things to tell, not just one that was worked for years to hide things about it.”

Some of you might take an offence to that, thinking “but that means my body is just ugly!”.. I am here to say that’s not true, you are just delusional. Real bodies don’t look like the ones on the internet that are photoshopped to the max - yes, even in videos -, they just look real. With spots, blemishes, veins, details, stretch marks, beauty spots and a thousand other things. Your body is very much real, which makes you soooo sexy in your person’s eyes. All the little things about it.

Matter of fact, your special person LOOOOVES your stomach so much, like omg. They might like to hold it, or just rest their body on it while cuddling you or literally sleeping with you while spooning. You might think to yourself, ‘oh, but my stomach isn’t flat’, duh, that’s the sexy bit about it. - Even if your stomach is flat that is okay bby, that bit was meant for somebody else. -

Think about it, no statue of Aphrodite has a flat stomach.

Aside from that, your chest is so loved. Idgaf if you are a woman, man, flat chested or not this mf - whoever they might be - wants to suck on it, and if they are given the chance they will show that too! 🫵🏻 Seriously, if you are asking about a guy, - or a masculine girl -, they wanna just put their face right to your chest and get to work. If you have a bigger chest, just rub their face their, and if it’s flat then tease you so you make noises for them. - Whines, to be specific. - If you have birth mark or any sort of mark on your chest, they also want to kiss it there, they love it.

It’s not that their energy is objectifying, they are just crazy about you. Like your body gets them all to be like those old cartoons where the guy gets heart eyes and they almost fall out as they stare at the pretty lady that just walked by.. tongue out and all. - Think of Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes or Tom from Tom & Jerry when they meet a pretty girl and you might understand better like that. -

Now, speaking about tongues. They think that your private part has such a pretty shade to it. - Or like.. would, if they saw it. - This obviously varies person to person but the main things that are coming through are pinkish & light brown? Like it’s just a nice shade of brown. - yes, even if you are a person of colour.. this will be unique to everybody, but the point is the same. - Also the texture if your skin could also be something they like? Because that’s unique from person to person as well! So they will definitely love what they will be able to feel, you know. Tongues come here because as soon as they saw you wet/hard combined with those factors they just wanna give you head. Like they are needy for you!

They also, really, really like your ass a lot. Slapping it, grabbing it during the act itself.. whatever you let them do, they will do it. You might as well catch them staring from time to time too. - This is regardless of gender, if you are a guy asking about a girl this still applies… or a girl asking about a girl.. whatever you are into guys. Your ass is just a 10/10 for them. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

You might have had some experiences in the past that made you very insecure. In your body, and how people perceive you. I will not be going too much into it because the severity of this depends from reader to reader. It rages from comments - irl & online -, to bullying, all the way down to abuse. That is your business and I am not going to dive into it.

However, their fantasies revolve around helping you escape feeling stuck from these feelings and emotions that are awakened in you when it comes to sexuality. They understand that it’s from things that you have went through in life but they still wish to help you overcome these negative emotions by loving you right, treating you right and giving you the whole world, their all.

Even then, you might be the sort of person who wants to do it with the lights off or distracted your partner before things get too far because you are genuinely scared of intimacy and the level of tension such a deep bond comes with. In your head it could be nothing but all sort of negative things, barely anything good coming out of it. At times, you might even feel ashamed. It doesn’t have to be this way. This is what they want to show you by treating you correctly.

You escaping this turmoil of ‘it’s wrong, but I want to like it’s and the pain that comes along with it is what their biggest fantasy is. They hate to see you suffer through things even if you hate that they care at times. Nothing in this world will make them stop caring about you, at all, even if you believe otherwise. Their love isn’t fragile, rather opposite, it’s quite strong.

They dream of loving you tenderly, holding you, going slow and kissing your tears away as they hold your hand.

They dream of taking care of you, treating you with the utmost respect. Never ever would they do anything to purposefully scare you or make you uncomfortable.

♡ ⢷moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ ‘my type’ , billie eilish , ‘and i see her, at the back of my mind’ , pink & flowers ? , demisexual , waiting til marriage , not a huge fan of kinky stuff but rather just wanna make love , (door) bells , bookshop , sage green , piercings , something for beauty being done to the eyes - contacts, lashes, eyeshadow ect - , stiletto nails , shibuya

My pile one do not forget that you are beautiful and nothing in this world will change this fact! your person is so sweet, their energy is very gently even though you might not think so. they would neverrr do anything without your permission. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile two : - font !

𐙚 : six of swords, queen of pentacles reversed, seven of pentacles reversed, nine of cups, wheel of fortune reversed, the devil reversed, the lovers reversed

bottom of the deck: the emperor

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

I would like to start out with saying that this is a toxic pile, at the very least sexually mean. There is no feeling of being in love or having strong emotional connection/needs here, so even if you have a crush they might feel a sexual attraction towards you but not romantic one.. or they possibly view sexual attraction and romance as two different things and don’t think of the other while doing one of them. - meaning even if they have a crush, they won’t be romantic during sex. - I will still channel for this pile but this has been your warning and disclaimer. If you are not comfortable reading about something like that, do not. It’s alright to not read this.

Now, if you decided to continue reading I will need you to stay with me on this one, this person is a whole mess.

I also want to say that if you have a bdsm kink this person does too, and if you don’t they do not either but are simply sadistic/masochistic or just had heavy uncomfortable experiences in the past that altered their preferences, fantasies and such. Such a rare but specific distinction but everybody’s guides urged me to say this.

To actually get into it, they like your chest, the shape of your body and your private eras. The shape of it, the size of it and everything that is unique about it. Not even a little bit, but a lot. They want to tie you up, not necessarily do anything but stare at you while admiring you. They want to tie you up in such a specific way too, in a way your legs and arms are spread out so they can see everything.

This inactivity is on purpose, either to piss you off or make you scared. Your face is so hot to them. Like your expressions for sure get them hard/wet, but like.. your face in general, they love it.

I will list what they like about it as well. Let’s start with your eyes.. pretty eyelashes, colours, gaze and so on.. but that’s absolutely not what turns them on at all. It’s the fact that they are a little bit messed up. There is so many eye conditions in this world, but this is specific for those people who have a bit harder time seeing. If you squint your eyes while trying to read something? Sexy as fact. You walk into something by accident? Sexy as fuck. I am sure the Lord does, but I don’t understand why they feel this way. There is a reason, they are just not sharing it with me. Also, even if that’s not your eye condition.. don’t think you are an exception, that ‘it might not be for you’. It does, you are so cute it turns them on. Especially when you look up at them. They are horny for you. If you have eyebags that just adds to it even more. - I also don’t mean to be belittling, I, myself, wear glasses. Your person is just a little crazy, I am so sorry I don’t know how to say that in a more kind manner. -

Moving on, your nose. There is something unique about it. A beauty spot, a birth mark, the shape of it.. you know your face better than I do, whatever you know is unique is about it they love it. Even if you think they don’t. - that’s especially for the bigger nose ppl! don’t belittle your beauty. -

Your lip shape, they think it’s so kissable. I am so serious, they look at it as ‘so plump’ and they ‘want to devour it’. - don’t clock it, these aren’t my words. - Now, if you are a girl you decide if this means your face or other lips. 🩷 It’s both.

And we are not done yet, nu uh. 🙂‍↕️☝🏻 Your teeth, your beauty spots, your eye colour in the sun, your resting face, your expression when you are annoyed, your red eyes ‘n nose ‘n cheeks after you cried.. is there anything they don’t like about your face? No. If you let them they will cum on it too.

Your thighs are something they loveeeee too. I for real hope that you are into bites and hickeys because this person wants to leave their mark on you. Whether or not this is only for them to see or if it’s visible to anyone… they don’t gaf, they just want to know that their mark is there, on you. No one else’s, just theirs. Jealous, jealous person. Hella possessive too. ‘Only mine’ sort of thing.

They also like your stomach, especially if it’s more toned. Like don’t get them wrong, they don’t care if your stomach changes. Matter of fact they want to impregnate you. - Not that they are ready for a baby, they are just kinky as hell. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

This is another warning and disclaimer. If you find heavier, darker fantasies and topics uncomfortable don’t read this. This is especially true if you have had negative sexual experiences or if you have traumas that are easily triggered. I am not playing with you. You might hate this.

Menace to society. Like these are only fantasies, and they won’t really act out on each and every single one but when channeling the energy I got a bit perplexed.

First and foremost, they want you to submit to them, completely. No ifs, no buts, no nothing. Just submitting to them. Let’s go through their fantasies one by one..

I believe this is the most simple and common one. This isn’t necessarily something harmful but it does depend on your view of life and the value you put into such things. It’s completely ok to disagree with me on this one. - Notice how I am saying ‘least harmful’ and not ‘not harmful at all’. -

Their most harmless fantasy is you getting over someone, possibly out of a relationship, moving on and still sad with the what happened as you were mistreated. They want to ‘heal’ you with sexual connections. Now, what exactly this is varies person to person. For some of you this is making love, for others it’s having sex and for other people it’s straight up f#cking and messing around. - Crazy to write it out like that, but these are all different things. - They just wanna be ‘the one to heal you.’ Whatever that may mean to them.

For this next one, some of you reading this might like the idea of this fantasy because you won’t fully grasp the idea of it due to being inexperienced but that’s alright, I will do my best to explain to you.

This fantasy revolves around spoiling you, giving you everything you want and pampering you any chance he gets. With attention, words, gifts, necessities, physical touch and in sexual needs. Anything you can think of. The twist in this fantasy is you not being able to do any of this by yourself because no matter how hard you would try you would simply just fail. I am not saying that’s the truth, I am saying that’s their fantasy. Pampering you because you need to completely rely on them, having no other choice. Being obsessed even though you are in an unfortunate situation or might even desire freedom sometimes. It’s like this hopelessness that you have alone, almost as if you need them to be fulfilled in life. That no one else can give this to you, not even yourself.

I don’t think they have a slave kink, but it borders it. This is because they sometimes fantasies about you doing xyz in exchange for these things, like housework and so on.. but in a sinister way, not in a ‘my lovely stay at home wife/husband/partner’ kinda way. Not a ‘sugar daddy/mommy’ kind of way either. Imma be honest and just say I did not see enough things in my life to understand what exactly is going on, but I know for sure that they love power dynamics and want to be the one that’s on top. Figuratively and literally too.

For this one, if you ignored my first warning but you still read and happen to have trauma about physical abuse or domestic violence don’t read what I am about to channel next. Literally don’t. Ignorance is bliss.

We have entered level 10000000x of f*cked up. Their most messed up fantasy is them abusing you, to the point of you having bruises and feeling emotionally defeated. That’s not what turns them on. It’s the fantasy of regardless of this you keep on loving them. Going back for more and unable to leave them, and even letting them do whatever they want to your body. Though, in all these fantasies they do fantasies about having to chase you a little bit. So you not giving yourself easy and valuing yourself but still ending up under them is the main drive they have for this fantasy.

The craziest thing though, this mf seems pure, kind and very respectful. The perfect person to bring home. Well put together, clean, has a lot to offer and treats your family well. You would never think that these sort of things cross their mind. Yet they do.

I am willing to bet a whole tarot deck that many people reading this pile until here didn’t believe a single word of what I wrote down exactly because they appear so perfect and kind.

♡ ⢷ moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ wild thoughts - rihanna , red ropes & red string of fate (symbolism of differences) , virgo , someone is hungry rn , anger issues , ‘breaking dishes all night’ , tiktok edits , hallway crush , tiger/tigress , ‘Tom’ , tom foolery - lmao - , grey , silver jewellry , dreads , nonchalant but very kind , red fruits ? strawberries, watermelon, raspberries, passion fruit and aso on , cracking backs , spa asmr

Idk y’all this man/person is the devil. 😞 you are into what you are into, but do not stay near people who make you feel unsafe. thank you for reading

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile three : - ballet shoes !

𐙚 : the chariot reversed, queen of swords reversed, the star, eight of cups reversed, four of wands, page of swords

bottom of the deck: knight of swords

♡ ⢷what will they like about your body

Let’s start with saying that you might think this person is cold or not interested in you but it’s the total opposite.

They want you so bad, and they try to not show it because they are ashamed of how bad they want you. Not because there is anything wrong with you but because they are so good at self discipline, not being influenced by anything too easily and just being a honest and just person. Yet, when it comes to you they cannot help but have these animalistic tendencies, they want to go nuts and have such rough sexual relations with you all while treating you like their Queen/King, pampering you with love and affection.

They don’t want to only make love to you, they want to worship you with every single second that passes. You have a hold on them that no body else have had before and they try to not make themselves look crazy in your eyes but they just want to kiss every inch and corner of your body. Even the ground you walk on. You are so perfect to them and they feel like they need to hide so that you don’t push them away. So you won’t think of them as a creep.

They love you as a whole, if you were to ask them what they find unattractive about you they would not have an answer. There is not a single thing that they deem as a flaw about you at all. They would be offended if you even dared to think that there is. In a sincere way too.

Like you could even believe, even for a slight second that there is anything that they don’t like about you? They would never deem anything about your appearance as a flaw.

And that is true! But they still have subconscious favourites I picked up on lmao,, Which is completely normal!

It’s your feet, your tummy, your fingers - might wanna suck on it idkkkk -, your overall figure, your veins, your waist, the outline of your private parts through clothes, the way that you carry yourself and if you have blue eyes then that.

Though, their favourite thing is none of those. It’s the tension in your body when you are turned on and you think you can hide it well but it still shows through your actions. How you move your legs and the way you rub your legs together, the shy look on your eyes all while you are nervous about people being able to tell how needy you are. It turns them on so bad they could single handedly recreate the Niagara fallls all by themselves, if you get what I mean.

Perhaps they would also enjoy how your own cum looks on your thighs after sex, after coming so much and not being able to control yourself. - I am sorry for the lack of better words. -

♡ ⢷their fantasies about your body

Honestly, they just have a worshipping kink when it comes to you.

They want to suck on your body. Your toes, your private parts - on your clit if you are a woman -, your thighs, your stomach - they wanna leave hickeys -, your hips, your waist, your chest, your collarbones, your arms, your shoulders, your lips.. they want it all.

Even if they aren’t into it, they want to do it just to please you. It turns them on because it’s you. They find you crazy hot, like they would go to the ends of the world and back for you.

Not a sub for sure, they rather read like a soft dom that’s very passionate, obsessed and in love with you. They can be a sub for the night if you want them to be though. Put a leash on them and they will go on all fours for you.

And if you don’t like that, that’s cool. They can slap you, pull your hair and go hard if that’s what you need them to do.

If you like regular sex only, that’s chill with them too.

For you, they are both a prince charming and a freak, just depends on what you need of them. They want to cater to your needs all while dominating you. Adoring everything about you.

The only thing they ask for in exchange is for you to be loyal and committed to them, because they sure are to you. Not a single other person on their mind at all. Fuck threesomes and anything else that involves bringing someone else other than the two of you in the bedroom, they only want you.

They could go crazy if you give attention to any other person too. Jealous person, adores devotion above anything else for sure. They are not afraid to leave you if you play games with them. Doesn’t even have to be cheating, but teasing. They love you but they don’t like things like that. They are grown. - Not my words bby, their higher self’s. -

Regardless, they don’t fantasise about you leaving them but rather overthink and worry they you might do so if you find someone else that better fits you. Someone you look at as beautiful, good and all the more compatible with you. This is their worry. - Probably bc of their past but most of you it’s just because they love you so much you are their weakness. -

Their fantasies revolve around pleasing you. Giving you their all. Trying out thousands upon thousands of things with only one another, just the two of you.

♡ ⢷ moodboard

— ✮⋆˙ ‘just the two of us, we can make if if we try’ , ‘i am vanilla baby, I will choke you but I am no killer baby’ , whipped cream , someone here has a mommy kink , curved eyelashes , clown masks , cherry red lipstick , tooth gems , blue whips , shy virgin who didn’t resonate with the kinky bits 🫵🏻 , painted toes! , coffin nails , 18

believe that you deserve good things instead of trying to convince yourself that I am lying to you. that one is very specific for one person not everyone <3<3 mwah my beautiful pile 3 you are so loved by this person I wish nothing but happiness for y’all! thank you for reading

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

[otomegamesforlife]

Sympathetic Pregnancy 2/4: [Rafayel x Reader]

The boys are in for a surprise when they start experiencing sympathetic pregnancy symptoms—before they even realize you’re expecting! One shots of how the chaos unfolds: Completed:

Zayne: Completely baffled and convinced something’s off with his medical expertise. A03 link here

Rafayel: Turns into the biggest baby (as if he isn't already) A03 link here

Xavier: Positive he’s at death’s door (spoiler: he’s not). A03 link here

In-Progress:

Sylus: Frantically consulting underground doctors, fearing it’s a core malfunction.

Each reaction is uniquely ridiculous, but they all prove just how in sync they are with you—whether they like it or not!

"Couvade syndrome, also called sympathetic pregnancy, is a proposed condition in which an expectant father experiences some of the same symptoms and behavior as his pregnant partner. These most often include major weight gain, altered hormone levels, morning nausea, and disturbed sleep patterns- Wikipedia"

Rafayel’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest, much like the exaggerated antics in that Tom and Jerry show you’d introduced him to. He gasped, pressing a dramatic hand to his forehead. “If you want me to die, just say so!”

You blinked, pretending innocence before a mischievous grin spread across your face. Rafayel could already tell you knew you were forgiven. “Scaredy cat.”

“I am not!” Rafayel pouted, though the slight tremor in his voice gave away his lingering surprise. You leaned into him, your familiar scent pulling him back to reality, making it impossible for him to stay mad. “You’re just too light on your feet. It’s not fair.”

You raised an eyebrow, your eyes sparkling playfully. “It’s not my fault everything here is carpeted. Nothing makes a sound! Maybe you’re just too jumpy. I barely poked you.”

Rafayel huffed, trying to regain some of his dignity as he turned off the stove. “As if you remember to wear slippers inside. I made everything carpeted for you, and now it’s backfiring on me.”

“You’re the one who loves being barefoot,” you pointed out, a teasing smile on your lips as you lightly tapped his nose. “Don’t blame me for picking up your habits.”

He couldn’t argue with that. Instead, he gently pulled you away from the stove, wrapping his arms around you and pressing you against the counter. “Did you sleep?” he murmured, nuzzling against your neck, his tone softening.

“Uh-huh,” you replied, nestling closer. “I woke up when you were still asleep and got hungry. Craved shrimp.”

“What if I cooked something else?” Rafayel pulled back slightly, giving you a mock look of disbelief. “You’d cook your own food? Scandalous!”

“I would’ve let you know if you weren’t sleeping,” you said, your reproach more affectionate than accusatory.

Rafayel rolled his eyes dramatically. “I would have woken up for you!” His hand slid up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing gently across your skin as he studied your face with exaggerated worry.

“But… Aren’t you still sleepy most of the time?” You cupped his cheek in return, your playful demeanor shifting to concern.

Rafayel met your gaze, his bravado fading. “Yes,” he admitted, his voice dropping to a whine. “I’m so sleepy. If I get any more sleepy, I’ll be Sleeping Beauty!”

You rolled your eyes, but the concern didn’t leave your expression. “Like I don’t kiss you awake enough,” you teased, bopping his nose playfully.

“Not enough,” Rafayel grumbled, pouting. “You’re stingy with your kisses. Always just a peck, I barely felt it! How is that fair?”

You shook your head in mock disbelief before returning to the issue at hand. “Let’s go to the hospital.”

He groaned dramatically. “Hospitals?! I don’t wanna go. They’re cold, smell like antiseptic, and the lights are too bright! It’s like being in a horror movie!”

You crossed your arms, unfazed by his antics. “You can just stay home and take care of me! You’re much better than any doctor.”

“I’m not a doctor, Rafayel.”

“You’re more than enough! You even had that license thingy,” Rafayel insisted, leaning into your touch.

You tapped his nose playfully. “That’s a first aid certification. Not even close.”

“No,” he whined, holding onto you like a lifeline. “I don’t wanna go.”

“That never worked, you know. You think it will now?” you said, your tone gentle but firm. “But this feels like one of your ebb days. Let’s see the doctor, yeah? I’ll take a day off and stay with you.”

Rafayel’s pout deepened as he tried one last attempt at bargaining. “2 days off, all day and night?”

You nodded, your resolve softening. “okay.”

It should have been suggestive, but this time it wasn’t. He simply wanted to sleep it off and have you there beside him.

Rafayel groaned inwardly as the nurse—a stern woman who once dubbed him “such a Romeo” with an exasperated shake of her head—fixed him with a disapproving glare. He was pouring his heart out about his symptoms, and she looked at him as if he were reciting bad poetry. Her gaze flicked to you, silently questioning the sanity of anyone who would willingly accompany Rafayel to the doctor. You, however, seemed resigned to your fate, especially since you were here for your bi-monthly check-up for the association.

In the waiting room, Rafayel fidgeted, his fingers intertwined with yours. His eyes darted around the room, taking in the stark white walls and the faint scent of antiseptic hanging in the air. “This place feels like a mausoleum,” he muttered, his voice low and dramatic, as though the walls themselves were closing in on him.

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s not that bad. And we’re here to make sure you’re okay.”

“But what if they find something terrible?” Rafayel’s voice wavered, the dramatic edge sharpening as his imagination ran wild. “What if I’m slowly wasting away? I’d be like a tragic hero in one of those old novels—forever tormented, misunderstood, and doomed to a slow demise.”

Before you could soothe his nerves, an elderly woman sitting nearby leaned in with a warm smile. “Sounds like your husband loves you very much, young lady,” she said kindly.

Rafayel blinked, momentarily stunned. “I’m sorry?”

The woman chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling with a secret understanding. “I’m a firm believer that your husband,” she nodded toward your joined hands, “is just getting your symptoms because he loves you so much.”

Rafayel squinted, suspicion coloring his tone. “How is that even scientific?” He wasn’t convinced; the woman’s dignified demeanor did little to reassure him that this wasn’t some whimsical tale.

Her chuckle deepened. “You sound exactly like him.”

“Him?” Rafayel started, but before he could ask, an elderly man in a lab coat approached, a friendly smile on his face.

“I know that tone,” he said, offering his hand to the woman. “What did I do again this time, dear?”

“Well, it’s not you this time. Kind of. Remember Couvade syndrome?” She took his hand, a smirk playing on her lips as if they shared an inside joke.

The man turned to you and Rafayel, his smile broadening. “Trust me, it’s real. Congratulations, by the way. We’ll leave you both now.” He then gently guided the woman away.

Rafayel watched them go, his indignation mounting. “She’s not even a patient!” he whispered loudly, as if the very idea was an affront to his sense of justice. “And she’s here?”

His frown deepened, a mix of confusion and irritation bubbling up. What were they congratulating them for? But before Rafayel could ask more, a nurse called them in to see Dr. Greyson.

Dr. Greyson greeted them with a knowing smile, the kind that suggested he had already heard all about Rafayel’s theatrics. “I heard my parents already diagnosed you outside?”

“Your parents? I knew they looked familiar— Wait, what do you mean diagnosed me? Couvade something? That’s all they said, and it meant nothing! I’m exhausted, like I was born to sleep. Am I dying?”

Dr. Greyson, clearly amused, fought to keep a straight face. He patiently explained the situation, and as Rafayel listened, the pieces slowly fell into place. The matching wide-eyed expressions you and Rafayel shared only made the doctor’s amusement grow.

“Wait, I’m pregnant?” you blurted out, your surprise evident.

“You are,” Dr. Greyson confirmed with a smile, pulling out the results and handing them to you. The room seemed to spin for a moment as the news sank in, the reality of the situation dawning on both of you.

Rafayel stared at the doctor, then at you, then back at the doctor, his dramatic flair momentarily eclipsed by sheer bewilderment. “A baby…” he finally managed, the words feeling strange on his tongue.

Dr. Greyson’s chuckle broke the tension. “Congratulations, you two,” he said warmly, leaving Rafayel to process the news in his own unique way.

“So you’re expecting, and he loves you so much—which we already knew—and now he’s getting all the symptoms?” Thomas summarized, amusement lacing his tone. Of course, Thomas would find this funny. Rafayel wasn’t laughing.

Rafayel's mind was spinning, trying to grasp the absurdity of it all. You were pregnant—that was the joyous part. But this? His bond with you, the one he had vowed to strengthen every day for the past three years, had decided to manifest in the most bizarre way possible.

“Why are you treating this like it’s nothing?” Rafayel accused, feeling a rush of betrayal as he looked between you and Thomas. Weren’t you supposed to be on his side?

You squeezed his hand, halting his restless pacing. “We’re not treating it like it’s nothing, darling; we’re just trying to wrap our heads around it.”

Rafayel gaped at you, his mind scrambling for a logical explanation. “You seriously don’t believe I love you so much that I’m in pain because of it?”

Thomas, sensing the rising panic in Rafayel’s voice, stepped in with a sigh. “Better get used to it. This is only the beginning.”

Rafayel’s eyes narrowed as Thomas patted your shoulder. “Stop touching my wife, I’m right here!” His voice cracked slightly, the weight of the situation finally beginning to settle in. He slapped Thomas' hand away, protectiveness flaring.

You and Thomas exchanged a look—one of those infuriatingly knowing ones—before Thomas backed off with a grin, leaving you to pull Rafayel back to the couch. As soon as he sank into your embrace, the tension in his shoulders began to melt away, and he sighed, burying his face into the comfort of your presence.

“I know you love me so much, but this?” Your voice was soft, affectionate, as you snuggled closer. “Best husband ever. You deserve more cuddles!”

Rafayel huffed, still processing the whirlwind of emotions. “Of course I am. I’m perfect.” He smirked, though the confusion in his eyes betrayed the bravado. “Cuddles,” he muttered, almost pouting, “like that would suffice.”

You played along, tracing lazy circles on his back. “Oh, pray tell, husband… what else do you want?”

“Kisses too,” Rafayel mumbled, his ears warming as he looked away, embarrassed by his own request. “You need to love me more now that you know.”

Your laughter was soft, eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’d try, but you might combust!”

“Puh-lease, you’ve tried it before and it wasn’t even enough” Rafayel drawled, closing his eyes with a content smile as his hand continued to rub comforting circles on your back. “My threshold for your love is unlimited and adaptable.”

As you both relaxed, the absurdity of the situation faded into the background, replaced by a sense of warmth. “But a little fishie… I can’t wait,” you teased, looking at him with a playful accusation. “You’d both be diving down to the sea in no time, wouldn’t you?”

Rafayel’s smile widened, his pride swelling. “Their tail will be so beautiful! You should have seen mine. It was shiny and luminescent.”

“You have pictures?!” you asked, excitement lighting up your face.

“Of course!” Rafayel puffed up with pride. “I’ve got a whole album.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” you scolded lightly, though your tone held a playful edge. “I mean, having a reflective tail as a baby in the deep sea?”

Rafayel laughed, the sound bright and carefree. “No, my little conch shell, neon is ugly. It’s more like diamond hit by moonlight glow, and it repels deep-sea predators. Blinds them, actually.”

“Ah,” you nodded, taking it in. “So, it’s practical, not just flashy.”

“It’s also the easiest way to spot them,” Rafayel added with a grin.

You both ended up scrolling through his baby pictures, melting over how adorable he was back then. Each photo told a story, and as you shared laughs, Rafayel felt the remaining tension ease away, leaving only warmth.

Leaning into you, Rafayel traced patterns on your arm, his voice soft with contentment. “You know, despite everything, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Even if you’re always sleeping the day and night away now?”

“Anything for you”

I felt like him being sleepy will be a big change for him. So yeah. Big baby at your service * giggles* Also Dr. Greyson not Zayne because-- I love that man I can't hurt him like that, not when I'm the one in control! (I'm looking at you Infold)

[laiosynth]

come away, oh ghostly child... (pt 4)

(PT 3 <-) (-> AO3)

Tim strolled down the street towards Dick's apartment. The coffee in his hand was already almost gone, and he was feeling like a sack of shit. He felt like Tom in the one episode of Tom and Jerry where the cat tried and failed at several methods of keeping his eyes open.

He needed Dick to look over his reports for WE, he wasn't entirely confident that he hadn't missed anything.

Pulling out his phone with the hand not clutching coffee like a lifeline, he dialed Dick's home phone for the apartment Babs had said he was staying in while he visited Gotham. After a few rings, Dick picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dick, it's Tim. I'm headed over to your place, I need to run some WE stuff by you."

"Ooh- this might not be the best time, Tim. I've got a kid with me right now, and he's got a lot of energy."

"I can pick up some stuff for the kid to entertain him for a bit if that helps? I really need your help, nobody else is free right now."

Dick sighs on the other end of the line.

"Alright, that works. Could you pick up some groceries while you're at it? I used up the last of my non-cereal food feeding him this morning. Just the basics- eggs, milk, bread, fruit, etcetera. I'll pay you back."

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll call when I'm done and on my way to yours."

"Thanks a million, Tim. I'll see you later."

With that, there's a click as the line is cut. Tim sighs.

-

Tim stares at the milk cooler in the grocery store. Which kind of milk is best again?

A text conversation with Alfred tells him whole milk is the correct option, so he grabs a gallon.

They're set in the cart next to the other groceries- honey wheat bread, a carton of eggs, and containers of basic fruit. A collection of toys sit in the cart as well- an inflated ball, two dolls- a barbie and a Batman toy- with their accessories, three different stuffed animals, and a book (he has no idea what the kid would like, so he's playing it safe).

He moves out of the milk aisle and towards the checkout. Along the way, he grabs some snacks- fruit snacks, animal crackers, and crackers.

When he reaches the checkout, he pays with Bruce's card- no need to infringe on Dick's savings by making him pay Tim back.

(Tim doesn't need to mention that Bruce had been an asshole recently and Tim doesn't really feel that amenable to being kind to the man.)

He struggles to carry all the bags on his own but manages eventually- most of the bags hang from Tim's elbows.

As he walks back towards Dick's apartment, he pulls his phone out to call Dick again. It takes longer for Dick to answer this time, but he does.

"Tim?"

"Yup, I'm on my way. Just letting you know."

"Sweet. Thanks. Bye!"

And then the line cuts again.

That was hasty.

-

Tim knocks on Dick's apartment door with one grocery-laden arm.

"Come in," comes Dick's muffled answer, accompanied by mad giggling. Tim opens the door to find Dick lying face down on the ground. A black-haired, blue-eyed child giggles as he sits on Dick's back triumphantly.

"Apologies, I would greet you properly, but alas, I've been defeated."

"I see that," Tim says, closing the door behind him and moving across the apartment to set the groceries on the kitchen table. The child giggles madly.

"I gotchu! I gotchu!"

"Yes," Dick says, moving his face off from the ground to lay on his cheek, "But can I have up now? I admitted my defeat, I am an honorable loser."

"Okays, you can have up. Since you're nice about it."

The child slips off Dick's back, and Dick rolls over to his back before sitting up.

"Thank you, Danny. I see you're an honorable warrior."

Danny giggles some more. He seems to be a very happy child.

"Hey, Danny, I'm Tim," Tim greets. "I brought some gifts for you."

Danny runs away from Dick and towards Tim, throwing his little arms around Tim's legs.

"What!? Gifts!?"

Tim laughs and reaches down to ruffle Danny's hair.

"Yeah, buddy. Do you wanna see?"

"Yes!!" Danny practically shrieks, jumping up and down, still clinging to Tim's pants with his little hands. Tim reaches into the bag that the cashier had put the toys in and pulls out the two dolls. Danny does shriek when he sees them, grabbing them out of Tim's hands and moving back so he can spin and jump up and down, shrieking all the way, grin wide on his face.

"I always wanteted one of these!! A doll, a doll!" Danny yells, tearing up. Tim hopes they're happy tears.

"You like 'em?"

"Yesyesyesyesyesyes!!"

Tim laughs and reaches down to ruffle Danny's hair again.

"Do you think I could have a little grown-up talk with Dick while you play with your new dolls? Does that sound fair?"

Danny nods frantically and scrambles away to the living room with his new toys. He gets behind Dick and pushes him towards the kitchen where Tim is.

"Go, go, go!"

Dick laughs and acts like Danny can push him, shuffling where Danny pushes him. When Dick is near Tim, Danny runs away to the living room, Barbie and Batman figure in hand.

Tim turns to Dick.

"So, WE figures- Ready to talk finance?"

-

tags: @basilf1res @ollietheotaku @angelheartgamer @justgray15777 @terzatheunderscorerima @phantom120 @undead-essence @crazydoughnutlady @big-flrda-kys @pheonixdemonqueen @confused-moose-child @the-fandom-hopping-mage @rangerhorsetug @shamelessstudenthideout @nonbinary-disaster @keegan-parker @terrasolstice @eonic @mayoota-blog1 @theonewiththegays @glitchedchaos @nikki-pondtheauthor @allee52hrz @blacksea21090 @crazylittlemunchkin

(been thinking about continuing this on ao3. i have a whole doc for this. can't decide if i want to continue here or on ao3- if i did on ao3, i'd share the link and tag everyone, ofc. i think i'd explore more of danny's time exploring gotham if i made it an ao3 fic as well. thoughts?)

[chasingfictions]

btw these are just some of the yellowjackets dynamics btw. To Me.

tainat are two cousins who are best friends they vanish every family holiday to go "take a walk" aka get fucking blazed down the block from their aunt's house

vanlottie are like okay. you are my master i am your disciple no you are my patient i am your nurse no you are my god and i made you a god no you are my salvation and i am begging you to stay there. bottom4service top.

taishauna are like okay youre wives but it's not romantic. youre life partners but it's not romantic. youre chosen soulmates but it's not romantic but it Is but you have never fucked and even if you did it wouldnt change anything . taishauna are like okay we are common law besties we are bound to each other by something deeper than anywhere else. taishauna said what if we were teh one healthy dynamic either of us is ever going to have with anyone. they said what if we were best friends forever. they said What If We Were Best Friends Forever.

shaunajackie is homoerotic girlbesties who kill each other what more has to be said than has already been said. theyre cathy and heathcliffe and theyre both girls and what if they kissed except they WONT and thats the POINT if they could kiss they wouldnt kill each other but they have to kill each other so.

lottienat are like . this is the most complex and profound relationship two people can have to each other is if one of them is charlotte isobel matthews and the other is natalie something italian scatorccio. if you ask me to describe it in words i cant. however i Can start crying and the crying will Hurt and that will explain it. they are the same person. im cradling them in my hands. they have known each other in every lifetime. they cant fucking stand each other and they are the only people each other can stand.

mistynat are like what if two very different kind of cats got fixated on each other by accident and now they will chase each other to the ends of the earth in increasing madcap schemes mistynat is tom and jerry . mistynat is like you know that bit at the end of pride and prejudice when everyones like. lizzie and darcy??? what????? that's mistynat to the rest of the yellowjackets . mistynat is a happy awful lab accident <3 and theyre kissing <3

shaunanat is like two siblings who are trying to kill each other and would kill for each other i'd say it in more words but i dont need it

shaunalottie is like. okay we're gonna be weird about each other forever in increasingly complex and disgusting ways yes it's gay but that's just part of it. we're dismembering each other but that's also just part of it. shaunalottie is like okay ill beat you nearly to death and youll be weird about my offspring in blood cult ways. those are real things that happened.

vannat are like oh ive known you since before i can remember what words even were .

[the-monkey-ruler]

Just a random ask, what are some weird JTTW adaptations you’ve seen or heard about?

I can’t even begin to call them all but… if you bear with me, I shall try.

Here are a few games that I always found funny additions!

Starting off strong we have Journey to the West: Undersea Adventure (2021)! I have never seen it but LOOK AT IT.... THEY FISH

Six-eared Monkey (2021) where Six Ears goes back in time, accidentally adopts Wukong not knowing he is his future enemy and gives his life to save Child-Wukong despite knowing who he grows up to be.

Wukong's Christmas Adventure (2019) is like... saving Ruphdolh or something and Wukong is going through a mid-life crisis and also kinda depressed but CHRISTMAS. Also the Erlang and Nezha models in this movies are TERRIFYING... and also they have Wukong rap so take a look.

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013) is weird but like in a GREAT way like... I love the monster designs they give Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing, it is such a different vibe then any other movie I have seen and Honestly LOVE It for that. Really sells just how HUMAN Sanzang is dealing with POWERFUL YAO that could kill him in a second.

Bling (2016) is strong that it didn't hAVE to be Xiyouji coded characters like the Monkey, Pig, and Frog are robot storage performers, wannabe heroes and they follow their creator who is trying to propose to his girlfriend but there really is not journey or ANY need to have the robot being Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing.

Spark: A Space Tail (2016) is also BARELY a Xiyouji film but like it does have a monkey with a staff and turns out he is the son of a king and a queen of monkey planet. Really more like Lion King with the evil uncle trying to take over but with space monkeys.... and also Bajie is there.

Mo mo King (2011) is something I'm not completely sure what's it about but just that it is like a whole monkey island that Wukong-like protag works at... and also Bajie is there.

Devil's Chip (2002) again NO idea what it is really about but there is space and time travel and for some ungodly reason no wukong from what I have seen but Sanzang and Bajie company the space/time travler

Flying Monkid (1996) I have no idea why this was ever MADE like there is barely a connection to Wukong and every other demon is new or some kind of version that is barely recognizable, not to mention the animation is barely any better than Pixal art.

Flying Superboard (1990) I always just found this one strange from the animation to the art style to the design choices. Like making Wukong some kind of skateboard, nunchuck, mouse-looking creature and giving Bajie a machine gun is.... something. I have no idea what they did to Wujing, made him like a bat, goblin thing.

Midnight Goku (1989) is like a sci-fi detective story where the protag has like computer eyes that can see through people and a bo-staff and honestly, I haven't seen but just the STRETCH they use to make this Wukong-related is so insane like would have never thought of it.

Little Wukong (1987) honestly not SURE what this story is even about but like... it is nearly lost media, this is so obscure and out of the way I have a feeling it was probs a children's education show or something but idk.

The Legend of Red Boy (1989) is something that looks like candy land spat out and while I have not seen it I am so sure that it is filled with nonsensical elements I cannot begin to describe.

King Kong's Adventures in the Heavenly Palace (1959) is... more of a crossover than anything else. Just imagine a movie where instead of Wukong destroys heaven... it is Kind Kong. Legit THE king Kong from the OTHER MOVIES YES.

Pink Journey to the West (2015) is honestly not that strong I would say besides that it is just Journey to the West but they are all girls... haven't seen it but who knows maybe it is good!

Tom and Jerry Chase with Tom as Erlang Sheng and Jerry as Wukong

Fortnite Wukong... that is it

Overwatch with Xiyouji skins just think it is adorable honestly. Love the Winston as Wukong

Plants versus Zombie: Journey to the West addition

Rabbits: Party of Legends

And while this isn't EVERY weird (there is a lot) one these are that I thought were at least interesting enough. Like a lot of Xiyouji movies have strange plotpoint but honestly, they are more boring and confusing than anything memorable. At least these were the ones I always thought were fun!

[gryficowa]

Boycott!

Remember to boycott!

I don't know why, but I'd rather see Bill recover (And become a better version of himself)… I guess I'm tired of the "Irredeemable Wrong" trope (I know it's reality, although it's more applicable to people, because people unfortunately, they can be evil creatures… We all see Putin and Benjamin… Just pure evil, but in the case of supernatural characters or simply not people, it is strange, because we judge the character through the prism of what we know, not what this being knows, that's why I love TOH, because at least here many perspectives are shown, but many productions, especially those old, is based on one perspective…)

Hello, we live in such an absurdity that characters can forgive genocide and murder of an ADULT MAN, but if he were a demon or another entity, they would not forgive and this is absurd, because a person probably knows what he is doing, while a demon or another entity cannot be fully aware of his actions, because he is NOT HUMAN, HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS, ESPECIALLY THE FRAGRITY OF LIFE

I'm just tired of this trope where we often have double standards, we should expect more from an adult than a demon or other entity, I just find it quite disturbing and stuff like that, because seriously, I don't understand that we have normalized forgiving genocide/murder in humans, but in beings who don't know shit about how important life is and that it's bad, we suddenly expect them to understand right away

(Information, this does not apply to Bill, although he can be explained by being a demon and having a fucked up psyche)

I don't know if I managed to describe my feelings towards pop culture, but I'm not fanatical about the fact that we see double standards, we forgive a bad person when he is a human being, but when he is another entity, we throw him into a bad pile…

I don't idealize this type of characters, it all just irritates me, because you seriously have to be human for them to forgive you WHEN YOU KNEW 100% THE SERIOUSNESS OF YOUR ACTIONS? I'm already irritated by the trope of dying villains (Especially with the sacrifice because it's empty), it just seems meh

Maybe that's why I didn't like many American cartoons… I preferred Czech or Soviet cartoons, or from other countries, but the USA productions were average…

Apparently productions in the USA have improved in this respect, but it doesn't change the fact that there are things that irritate me, there are just a lot of them, e.g. Violence as comedy (It bothered me when I was a kid, yes, I'm talking about "Tom and Jerry", or characters who make fun of others, mainly protagonists… I speak as a former scapegoat, I'm just not into violent comedy, I prefer character dynamics)

I don't know why Americans were obsessed with making comedies out of violence (Unfortunately, Poles used to be too, and that's why I don't like Polish productions… At least many of them), but I just didn't like it… Eh…

Now that I have your attention:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote at the very top, I wanted to write why I would like Bill to have a new form, and this is what I came up with, so yes, my ASD brain, as usual, jumps from topic to topic like a frog

My only concern is that people will miss fundraisers because of this

Today I had to pay an invoice (As I mentioned, I don't have a bank account, so you know, physically), so that's fun…

I mention this because actually… I don't know

[boiohboii]

The Tattoo Sleeve (Neymar Jr. Soulmate au)

Chapter 1

Prologue

I am currently sleep deprived, so I am really sorry for any mistakes.

I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

Warning: curse words

Taglist: @itzz-me-duh

------------------------------------------------------

"I need something to cheer me up that doesn't come from a vending machine," y/n took a seat beside the young children "you got any ideas?"

Three pairs of confused brown eyes looked to their left, seeing a white coat before tilting their heads up to see an unfamiliar face. Anyone passing could feel the peculiar atmosphere; the young lady having a relaxing aura while the three boys looked uncertain of the question itself, much less how to answer.

"Don't worry," reassured y/n "I am a doctor here, my name is y/n."

With a look to each other, the three decided to trust the long piece of clothing along with the card hanging on her neck, and introduced themselves.

"Thiago"

"Davi"

"Mateo"

"You boys have such nice names." Cooed y/n.

"Thank you."

"We are not babies!"

"Don't talk to an adult like that! Papa and Mama told us to be nice."

The two brunet boys reminded her of tom & Jerry in that moment, they were currently arguing about whether to be polite or to not trust strangers. Both rules taught to them by their parents, and both were correct - well, some would argue about always being polite rule, but that's not the current issue.

"A hug." A timid reply came as the blonde boy admired his swinging feet.

"Well, who's the lucky person that you hug?"

"Papa and mama," Lucca smiled. "My grandma too! She gives the best hugs!"

Y/n smiled at the small boy's enthusiasm as he talked about everyone that has hugged him with a wide grin on his face.

"What about me?!" Exclaimed Thiago. "I hug you too!"

"Yeah, but you're shorter than me!"

"Hey! My brother isn't short! He is big and strong!"

A laugh escaped y/n as she watched the three boys argue over the fact that a person is short doesn't mean they aren't strong. Oh they are so cute! I want to squish their cheeks so bad!

Going through her pockets, y/n searched for a few candies to give to the boys as a thank you for cheering her up, she always loved talking to kids they had the most genuine and entertaining conversations, especially with each other. However, as she was digging around she felt a smooth, slightly wet smudge on her fingertips, no no, please god I don't want to stay in a small cubicle for 10 minutes to reapply anything!

Looking at her wrist, the concealer's tone was bright and clear against the white sleeve margins, y/n groaned and rolled her head backwards.

"Miss, are you okay?"

Came a small voice, making y/n realise that the three boys have stopped their back and forth and watched her intently, not sure if they should move away in case she wanted to rest; Davi remembered his mother telling him of how hard doctors work and study to be able to help him, or if she was hurt and they should call someone.

"Ahh yes," y/n smiled reassuringly. "Just my coat got a bit dirty and I have to go change."

She wasn't about to tell them that her connection to her soulmate was writing on skin, and that her soulmate was obsessed so she had to wake up nearly before all and any gathering or meeting or work appointment by 3 hours to cover up tattoos that her soulmate placed on his skin with no consideration of the consequences that will occur to her nor her request at 23 years old asking him to please, stop.

Yes, she was and still is bitter about it, she can hold a grudge. (She, in fact, can not hold a grudge for more than 2 hours.)

"Is that a tattoo?" Mateo frowned with knitted eyebrows as he tried to get a better look at the drawings under her sleeves.

Wide eyes and a stumped smile on her face, y/n nodded, wondering how such a young boy knows what tattoos are. Well, there is internet everywhere. However, unlike her thoughts, the little boy had recently been obsessed with his father's right arm, looking at the black ink with the occasional question.

"Papa has that!" Raved Thiago as he looked at his brother and friend with shinning eyes and a wide smile. He had rarely seen any women with tattoos, only a few and he has no idea why, but it was something new to him and it made him want to sit with the doctor for much longer.

"Yes! Uncle Leo and papa have tattoos!" Gushed the blonde boy with his friends before asking y/n if there was more.

Not seeing any harm in showing three little boys the small uncovered part of her uncontrolled tattoo sleeve, she lifted a bit of her coat, just a layer really. And as soon as she had done so, the only blonde gasped as his eyes widened, freezing in place.

He looked familiar, very oddly familiar, and she knew that, she knew that she saw him before, she saw him nearly everyday in black ink on her forearm. She was desperate for the thought in her head to be wrong, to just be her mind playing tricks on her or for her to just currently be going through a romantic drought that she is making things up.

But, she was so, very wrong.

"That looks like papa's!" Davi exclaimed as soon as y/n showed her arm.

Well, holy shit. I am not insane. I'm right!

Oh. I 'm right.

Chapter 2

[arkus-rhapsode]

So... What is a Cartoon Network Show? (A Discussion)

Hey everyone, Arkus back again and I'm doing something that I alluded to a while ago, but I was working on a project involving Cartoon Network. Now for those unaware, I don't consider myself to be a part of the larger animation community like say a Cartoonshi or an Alpha Jay Show. I approach this topic as simply someone who grew up on Cartoon Network and has always had a level of reverence for the channel and undoubtedly had an impact on my formative opinions on the value of animation that I still have to this day.

So when I heard the announcement for Jellystone's Crisis on Infinite Mirths special it got me wondering-wait what is a Cartoon Network show? Now that might seem like an easy answer: "Its a show that was on Cartoon Network," but as I delved deeper into the question there appeared a great amount of context that seemed to go all over the map. I'm sure that there are people more versed in the content that may see this as common sense knowledge. So this is post for people like me-the average enjoyers of animation who want to understand more and have greater context about a channel they may have a soft spot for and want to be better informed when the question is asked, "what is a Cartoon Network show?"

(Yes I did make a spreadsheet on this one. This wasn't a task I took lightly)

So before we really get into the weeds of everything, I do want to make sure we're all on the same page: Cartoon Network is a television channel which is aired in multiple countries around the world which is overseen by the parent company of The Cartoon Network Inc. Which itself is owned by the mega conglomerate that is Warner Bros Discovery. The Cartoon Network Inc. Owns various production companies to make original content the primary ones being Cartoon Network Studios, Hanna-Barbera Europe, and Williams Street. The network itself is broken up into several blocks such as Cartoonito (An early morning block aimed at pre school children) and Adult Swim (An evening block aimed at 18+ individuals). With (At the time I am writing this) the 6 AM to 5PM being aimed at kids 6-12 years old and being considered "Cartoon Network" hours.

So with all the terminology out of the way, lets address the obvious answer of "a Cartoon Network show is a show that aired on Cartoon Network" I would say that interpretation is a bit reductive. Sorta like calling every game that's been on a Nintendo console a "Nintendo game." While not necessarily wrong, it does conflate the idea that the third party games are the same as the first party ones, which also makes a lot of misinformation very possible. Cartoon Network like Nickelodeon, Disney and many other channels can have original programming and acquired programming. Original programming being shows made for and existing solely on this network while acquired programming may be shows or movies that a company is pay broadcasting rights for. You see this a lot in foreign programming. Obviously the various anime that air on Toonami are not creations for Cartoon Network nor produced by them.

However, I think there is some interesting things that would be considered acquired programming on Cartoon Network. Because now we have to talk about why Cartoon Network exists in the first place and that's Hanna-Barbera.

Without Hanna-Barbera there would be no Cartoon Network. Plain and simple. The channel was founded with the intent of housing the animated library of Hanna-Barbera (Along with classic Luney Toons shorts from the 40s) when Ted Turner successfully acquired the studio. Now the thing to remember is Cartoon Network was made in the early 90s, while Hanna-Barbera shorts had existed since the 50s in various forms of syndication. Usually on ABC.

As such these shows like Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, Scooby-Doo, Tom & Jerry etc. Wouldn't be considered original programming for the network. But it would be a division of Hanna-Barbera that would become what we know today as Cartoon Network Studios, which would begin creating shorts for "What a Cartoon!" Which would in turn become the seeds for Cartoon Network's first original programming.

Speaking of acquired programming, I'm sure if you're of a certain age group you probably remember Warner Bros other network that contained original animation-The WB. And probably more famous its animation block, Kids WB.

Now the reason for the creation of The WB is itself a massive business interests and experiments in network television and policies of the Federal Communications Commission, so I simply want to get into its well known kids programming block, Kids WB that actually served as an outlet for shows created by Warner Bros Animation. Such as

Animaniacs

Pinky and the Brain

Freakazoid!

The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries

Superman: The Animated Series

Road Rovers

Waynehead

The New Batman Adventures

Histeria

Batman Beyond

Detention

¡Mucha Lucha!

What's New, Scooby-Doo?

Ozzy & Drix

Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island

Loonatics Unleashed

Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get a Clue!

Now, you may be seeing some of those names and wondering, "Wait wasn't that on Cartoon Network though?" Which yes, many of these shows would come to Cartoon Network especially in the wake of the WB's own tumultuous history that would eventually see it become one half of what we know todays as The CW. However, many of these shows weren't made to be aired on Cartoon Network, but rather to air on the The WB, which while both were owned by the greater Warner Media parent company, these were acquired programming. I can personally attest to reruns on the Cartoon Network being my exposure to shows like Freakazoid and Superman the animated series and The WB in turn actually had aired some programming from Cartoon Network such as Samurai Jack and Powerpuff Girls. And because these properties are all owned by the same parent company it actually makes the water more muddy on what is "Cartoon Network show." Made even more complicated by the fact that Hanna-Barbera the production company as we know it would be absorbed into Warner Bros Animation in 2001.

We are not talking simply about getting Pokemon because some broadcasting money was exchanged to air in America, we're actually talking about programming that the channel itself was founded on rerunning and playing reruns made by a sister network in the bigger Warner Television umbrella.

As such, while I don't think the "If it aired on Cartoon Network, its a cartoon Network show" is an interpretation I agree with, I can see where there's a shared level of DNA in some of the programs that makes it harder to separate the two.

This actually leads us to another potential answer for what is a Cartoon Network show, "Its a show made by Cartoon Network Studios."

Now as previously mentioned, Turner would acquire Hanna-Barbera and at the time Hanna-Barbera was still making new shows by the time Cartoon Network was started. Such as The New Adventures of Captain Planet, 2 Stupid Dogs, and SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron. But these shows would actually end up debuting and airing on TBS, another Turner/Warner Television Arm. But now we return to that newly formed division in Hanna-Barbera studios known as Cartoon Network Studios. This studio was primarily made for making original programing for What a Cartoon! which would lead to the creation of some of the earliest Cartoon Cartoons.

Johnny Bravo

Cow and Chicken

I Am Weasel

Power Puff Girls

And of course the big one, Dexter's Laboratory.

In fact, when you look back on it, Dexter's Lab is structured similarly to an old school Hanna-Barbera show. Where you'd have say the Huckleberry Hound Show, but you'd have various segments one being the Huckleberry Hound segment, but then having a segment focusing on Hockey Wolf, and a segment with Pixie, Dixie and Mr Jinks. In the case of Dexter's Lab, an episode could contain a Dexter segment then go into Dial M for Monkey or The Justice Friends.

However, these weren't really considered "Cartoon Network Studios" as we in the early 2000s probably remember it. As these productions were still made by Hanna-Barbera for the first few seasons with Cartoon Network Studios being a studio in name only at the time. Probably why you may remember older Dexter episodes ending with the Hanna-Barbera logo then followed up by the Cartoon Network Studios logo in later seasons.

Now if we went strictly by Cartoon Network Studios being what makes a Cartoon Network show (Including the previous five shows mentioned) and originally aired on Cartoon Network then that leaves us with:

Now some eagle eyed viewers may have noticed that this list has some noticeable absences. Such as Courage the Cowardly Dog, Codename Kids Next Door, The Amazing World of Gumball, Teen Titans, and one of my favorite Cartoons of all time, Ed Edd n Eddy. And well the simple answer is that they weren't made by Cartoon Network Studios. Ed Edd n Eddy was made by a.k.a Cartoon and Funbag Animation Studios. Kids Next Door like Sheep in the Big City was made by Curious Pictures. And Courage the Cowardly Dog was made by Stretch Films (Though both Courage and Kids Next Door would have their pilots developed in Hanna-Barbera).

Gumball was made by Hanna-Barbera Europe which is a production company under the Cartoon Network Inc parent, but is again technically not made by CN Studios. Teen Titans is another product of Warner Bros Animation same with Teen Titans Go. Kinda funny that a show that for a time basically controlled the channel wasn't even made by CN Studios. Even the first ever original exclusive show made for the Cartoon Network, The Moxy Show, wouldn't count under this definition as it was made by Colossal Pictures.

There's also the fact that some shows made by Cartoon Network Studios are exclusive to Adult Swim such as Primal and some to the pre-school block of Cartoonito. Now these may actually be more rare than you would first think as really only Jessica's Big Little World was made by CN Studios for Cartoonito, while Adult swim actually has its own interesting background.

You see, Cartoon Network's earliest adult animation was the animated parody talk show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Which utilized the classic Hanna-Barbera character as a surrealist spoof of late night talk shows. These would be produced not under the banner of Hanna-Barbera or Cartoon Network Studios, but actually under the name Ghost Planet Industries. This production arm would eventually become The Cartoon Network Inc in house production company for adult animation known as Williams Street. So most shows you might watch on Adult Swim these days are by Williams Street. However, with the fifth season of Samurai Jack, you being to notice that Cartoon Network Studios became more comfortable producing shows that would air in the evening time slot of Adult Swim.

(Also this is a complete side tangent, I didn't want to include failed pilots within this list as it would feel like unnecessary bloat, but I wanted to highlight Korgoth of Barbaria made by Aaron Springer with animation made by Genndy Tartakovsky, which was sadly never picked due to the production cost, would be repackaged as a special on Adult Swim. And this was a co production with Cartoon Network. Like wow. Like wow! I know we have Primal on the list, but its kinda just a bit of trivia I like)

So while they're made by CN Studios, they were not shows accessible to CN's usual demographic time slot.

And that's not even beginning to scratch co-productions Cartoon Network Studios has been involved with over the years. Such as the Star Wars Clone Wars series made by Genndy Tartakovsky or transformers Animated which obviously the Star Wars and Transformers IP isn't owned by Warner Bros. Same with Mixels. But then there's shows such as Villainous and Jorel's Brothers which are actually originally properties made with the Latin American Branches of Cartoon Network. Villainous itself relishes in so many Cartoon Network cameos.

And then there's the CN Real shows which... Yeah I think its not Gatekeeping of me to say they don't count.

And of course there are shows that while made by Cartoon Network Studios would actually end up either being web exclusive or go straight to HBO Max like Get' Em Tommy, Tig n' Seek, and The Fungies! There's also the many, many shorts, pilots, and pilot movies produced by Cartoon Network Studios like Welcome to My Life, Party Wagon, and Fire Breather.

It's a lot. And I get why some people really want to simply it. But it's also why I think simply saying a "Cartoon Network show is a show made by the Studio" you're leaving out several shows, some of which icons of the network. And some CN Studios shows just never had a chance to be part of the Network in the same way. This isn't a question that can be easily simplified like that.

So maybe the answer is "A Cartoon Network shows is a Cartoon Cartoon?" Yeah, afterall Ed, Edd n Eddy are considered Cartoon Cartoons even if they weren't made by CN Studios. Heck, look at competitor Nickelodeon who dubs all their various animated works produced "Nicktoons." Surely, Cartoon Network can do the same, right? Well you see, unlike Nicktoons which became an overall term for all their original programming (and honestly much easier to do research on), Cartoon Cartoons specifically referred to a programming block which then became the collective brand name of the shows that aired between 1996-2009 (Ending with Ed Edd n Eddy). But even then some CN Originals made during that time weren't recognized as Cartoon Cartoons like Samurai Jack. Nor were shows like The Moxy Show recognized retroactively.

The Cartoon Cartoons were:

Dexter's Laboratory

Johnny Bravo

Cow and Chicken

I Am Weasel

The Powerpuff Girls

Ed, Edd n Eddy

Mike, Lu & Og

Courage the Cowardly Dog

Sheep in the Big City

Time Squad

Grim & Evil (Eventually Split into The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy and Evil Con Carne)

Whatever Happened to... Robot Jones?

Codename: Kids Next Door

So really the term Cartoon Cartoons is honestly an exclusive club for a specific set of shows on a specific programming block. That even itself doesn't cover every Cartoon Network show even for a specific era as there are absences from even that. So while Cartoon Cartoons are Cartoon Network shows, not every Cartoon Network Show is a Cartoon Cartoon.

Well then maybe a Cartoon Network show is a show that had to originally aired on Cartoon Network and was exclusive to only it?

With this definition we're abled to include many of the CN Studios shows everyone is popularly aware of while being able to include shows made outside of CN Studios like various Cartoon Cartoons, Warner Bros Animation shows and Hanna-Barbera Europe.

That said, this would exclude things like the shows from The WB and Hanna-Barbera back catalogue, and the Looney Tunes shorts. While Boomerang has become the home for all the classic Hanna-Barbera programing, you can still see the reverence that CN has for its roots from cameos in CN Originals and CN City to new iterations of these shows airing on Cartoon Network like the Real Adventures of Johnny Quest, The Looney Tunes Show, and Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated.

Speaking of Boomerang, while also another channel owned by WBD Television, many of the Cartoon Network shows have migrated over to. Thus not really making them all that exclusive anymore As well, this definition would also include CN Real programs which... yeah umm not sure about that. No matter what Cartoon Network is for Cartoons.

So even this isn't quite a perfect definition. Neither would be using the HBO Max section labeled Cartoon Network because its obviously and incomplete record that has erased so many shows from its catalogue.

So if all these don't work, then what does? What is a Cartoon Network show? Well... Maybe it's not something that fits in with an objective empirical definition. It may sound corny, but Cartoon Network shows always felt like a family to me. In a way that made this sort of recognizable brand between many of its shows even if all of them were very different in their themes, styles, and humor. I think that's why CN City is so in the minds of people, because you took all these varying characters and made a world where none feel out of place. And it wasn't just Cartoon Network characters, you had the classic Looney Tunes and even goddamn Captain Planet roaming around with all these younger shows.

There's even been recent efforts to enforce this cohesion. As the CMYK/Redraw Your World era. Mixing together this color coding with all these various characters and designs to make them all "fit" together so to speak.

Obviously, Im being a bit flowery here. Im sure Cartoon Network and Warner Bros legal team could probably give you an extensive copyright list which they hold and what can be used, but I still think there is value in this being an answer that you can come up with yourself.

And to me, Cartoon Network represents one of the most important channels in animated television. At its highest and even at its lowest. Cartoon Network was the place of creating cartoons, a place where in the short existence of creator driven network television animation, so many legends were born. This was a channel that really brought out so much creativity from talented people that were inspired by the classic animated shows of the golden age who are inspiring new creators even to this day. That shouldn't be forgotten. That shouldn't be erased. Whether unfitted or seasonal rot, this family of cartoons deserves to be remembered.

This is just me, but this is what I would consider Cartoon Network shows. Shows that were made for CN regardless of being CN Studios, Hanna-Barbera Europe, or Warner Bros Animation. The WB, TBS, Adult Swim stuff? That's more off in its own little corner. Cousins of CN almost.

And I guess I turn the question to you, So... What is A Cartoon Network show?

Well that got a bit heavier at the end. But I hope you enjoyed this. I didn't want it to be a big think piece like some of my more recent discussion post. And I didn't just want it to be me making a list without some thoughtful context. If you enjoyed this please give a like or a reblog, I've been trying to do more fun projects on Tumblr recently that go out of my usual postings.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Love In Trouble [Part Five]

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician, RPF

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Original Female Character, Austin Butler x Original Female Character

Characters: Elvis Presley, Original Female Character, Austin Butler, Red West, Sonny West, Jerry Schilling Colonel Tom Parker, Minnie Presley, Vernon Presley, Dee Presley, Joanie Esposito, Joe Esposito, Pat West

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 5041

Summary: Lori Presley lives the high life. She has a lovely home, a elegant wardrobe and her parties are the most sought after ticket in town. Not to mention her husband is the King of Memphis. But what if she no longer wants to be the Queen?

Tags/Warnings: This is a mafia au with detective austin butler entering the chat, Memphis Mafia, Detective Austin Butler, Adultery, Infidelity, Love, Angst, Unhappy Marriage, Murder, Court Room Drama in the loosest possible way, AU, Set in the 70s

Notes: I've had a shit few weeks but we're carrying on and thank god cos our Boys have finally met <3

LINK TO ALL PARTS // LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST

‘Are you ready?’ Austin asked, swapping the receiver of the phone to his other ear so that he didn’t miss her answer.

‘I think so,’ Lori replied quietly

‘It can't be think, Lori. It’s got to be a yes or no,’ he said trying to keep the frustration out of his voice but remain firm. Because it had to be yes or no, preferably yes. Otherwise he'd gone to bat for nothing. He had pissed off his captain and sheriff and made a stink amongst the precinct for nothing. He’d be the new guy swooping in from California and ruining the delicate Memphian ecosystem of bribes and looking the other way. Even the district attorney, who had backed him, had done so on the promise of bringing down the entire operation. He wasn’t bothered about Presley or Tony for that matter. He wanted to be the one to oust key players from the city’s underbelly. For morality or glory Austin didn’t know but it was the reason he kept himself from sounding too agitated. If they were going to bring down anything they needed her. She had even been the one to point out that they had cause to arrest Presley as he was sure to have a ten card from previous, something Austin hadn’t even considered.

‘No, I am,’ she said, her breath a little shaky which didn’t fill him with confidence but he accepted her words nonetheless. It wasn’t as though he had a choice not to. He could hear her shift, hesitance in her breathing that insinuated she was going to ask him something and so he waited for it, ‘do you know when?’

‘Tomorrow,’ he replied, ‘early morning. The DA wants to make sure no news gets out, that they don’t get to alert one another, so we’re hitting every house at once.’

‘How many?’ she asked quietly.

‘Just the names you gave me,’ he said. It had felt odd to have followed her to a chapel of rest but getting a hold of her without someone watching he was fast learning was an art. Even having her on the phone had taken a handful of calls until she and she alone had picked up. Fortunately no one in the Presley enterprise seemed keen to accompany her in staring at a closed casket. There had been no service and no attendees other than him and her which had been fortunate for him even if it had made him feel a little dirty.

‘Right,’ she muttered, ‘are you coming?’

‘Yes.’

‘Like you’ll arrest him?’ she asked

‘Yes it’s my case,’ he replied, his frustration growing at the hitch in her breathing, ‘is that a problem?’

‘No,’ she said quietly though her tone was not reassuring furthering his nerves which prompted him to ask, ‘if you don’t think you can act-’

‘Honey I’ve been acting my entire life,’ she whispered, ‘I’ll be ready.’

✵✵✵

Lori didn’t sleep most of that night. She didn’t do much but potter around her bedroom fretting. In fact she only stopped when she heard the rumble of a car pulling into the driveway signalling that Elvis was home. At that she’d leapt into bed and turned the light off, turning herself to face the wall as she listened to him stumble in and strip off his clothes before he clambered into bed. Fortunately he had fallen asleep quickly, far away on the other side of the bed which meant she wasn’t forced to face him. Instead she spent her night watching him. He looked younger when asleep, more innocent. That was when the uncertainty had crept back in. When Austin had asked her if she was ready she had thought she was but looking at him like that made her doubt herself.

She knew it was selfish. That her only doubts were on her own behalf but she couldn’t help but feel them. Those doubts had been the soundtrack she had fallen asleep to and they were interrupted as she was brought back to the realm of consciousness by a dull thud, the padded door of her bedroom hitting the wall at a pace.

‘Boss! Boss you gotta get up!’ she heard Charlie’s voice call before she came to and when she did he was already pulling clothes out of their closet ready for Elvis who had yet to stir.

‘Elvis,’ she said groggily, a limp hand shaking his shoulder as she tried her best to rouse him, ‘Elvis wake up.’

‘Boss you gotta come quick,’ Charlie said, throwing an outfit on the bed as he too tried to shake her husband awake. He came to the moment Charlie touched him.

‘What is it?’ he asked crankily.

‘Cops,’ Charlie said, ‘they’re askin’ to come in. Say they’ve got a warrant or something.

‘What?’ Lori gasped.

‘What are you talkin’ about?’ Elvis said, forcing himself up in bed quickly and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

‘They want you and they’re not takin’ no for an answer,’ Charlie said, offering the clothing to Elvis who started to dress without care his friend was in the room.

‘What do you mean?’ Lori asked but her question was ignored by both men.

‘Go and tell ‘em I’ll be down in a minute,’ Elvis said, rubbing his tired face as he tried to wrap his head around what was going on. As Charlie nodded and scurried out of sight Lori moved a little closer, keeping her tone as worried as possible as she asked, ‘El what’s happening?’

‘How the fuck do I know?’ Elvis grunted as he slipped on his pants, donning a pale blue shirt over his tanned torso a moment later. At that she fell quiet fearing too much questioning would cause too much scrutiny on her end.

Yet she couldn’t help but watch him. He was clearly disgruntled by the whole thing. His jaw was set and his gorgeous blue eyes though tired burned bright with indignation. A sentiment that was confirmed as they left the bedroom. She could hear people downstairs, worried chatter carrying up from kitchen stairs and the muttering of men in her hallway. But he didn’t turn the corner, he lingered on the landing, almost forcing her to walk into the back of him, before he straightened his shirt and then sauntered down the stairs without a care in the world. Lori followed behind in trepidation.

When they got down there Austin was standing on their front stoop, in amongst a gang of officers who seemed wholly unenthused to be there. In fact the only one who didn’t seem entirely put out was his fellow plain clothed officer who nudged him as he noted Elvis stride into view. Lori kept close behind, smiling weakly as Charlie threw her a reassuring smile and trying to ignore how Elvis’ grandma’s eyes bore into the back of her skull from her chair in the living room as she watched on.

As they got to the front step the chattering amongst the officers grew quiet, all eyes on them as Elvis surveyed the party before he said, ‘someone wanna tell me what the fuck’s goin on?

‘Mr Presley?’ Austin asked, his eyes flitting to Lori behind him for half a second.

‘Yeah,’ Elvis grunted.

‘We’re here to serve a warrant,’ Austin said as he produced a stack of papers from his suit jacket and handed them across where Elvis could snatch them out of his hand. He read quickly, his eyes scanning the pages before they narrowed and he asked, ‘in relation to a murder?’

‘Yes,’ Austin replied.

‘The fuck this have to do with me?’

‘Well that’s what we’d like to ask you about,’ Austin’s partner said.

‘Down at the station,’ Austin added. Lori kept her eyes trained on her husband watching as his jaw clenched in indignation.

‘I already told you I don’t know nuthin’ about that,’ Elvis said.

‘Yeah well we have new evidence that states otherwise,’ Astin said, with a tight smile, ‘so if you’d come with us. These boys can get to serving their warrant.’

‘What evidence?’ Elvis spat.

‘Like I said we can talk about it down at the station,’ Austin replied.

‘Like hell,’ Elvis baulked throwing the warrant so that it hit Austin square in the chest, fluttering to the floor onto white concrete. Austin sighed and stepped forward. He was looking up at Elvis, the step to the portico meaning they were on uneven footing but he was standing tall with a look of warning mirth on his face as he said, ‘that’s not a request so unless you want cuffing you need to come with us.’

Elvis narrowed his eyes. Everyone was watching him which admittedly wasn’t a new phenomenon but he normally didn’t care what those around him saw. Now however he seemed aware that he needed to play this carefully and though his words sounded like a consent there was an air of contempt woven through his demeanour as he turned away and looked to Charlie as he said, ‘get me jacket will ya.’

‘Elvis what do we do?’ Lori asked as he moved inside the hall checking his appearance in the mirror as if he was going out for a leisurely stroll and not being arrested. Austin pulled back and loitered with his partner who was tucking the dropped warrant back in his pocket.

‘Call the colonel,’ Elvis said, quaffing his hair before he took the jacket from Charlie who had now reappeared. He continued as he slipped it on, ‘call daddy and tell ‘em what happened.’

‘Right, okay the colonel,’ Lori said, watching as he walked out onto the front stoop ready to move along. Lori came to stand at the door unsure of how to part from him. A kiss felt too familiar especially in the presence of so many officers and yet not to do so felt off. Everything felt wrong which was no surprise given that her stomach had been doing somersaults since the moment her eyes had snapped open.

‘Tell ‘em not to worry,’ he said, glancing at Austin and a uniformed officer who were striding out ahead of him to a car sitting by the bottom of the steps before leaning in to press a kiss on her cheek. She should’ve known an audience wouldn't deter Elvis Presley from showing especially considering he didn’t sound at all worried as he said, ‘I’ll be home before breakfast. You’ll see.’

And then he was gone. Lori watched as he walked to the car and climbed through the door being held open for him which closed with a squeak and a slam. He was in shadow in the back seat so she couldn’t see him properly but nevertheless she watched as the car drove down the winding drive before embarking onto the street.

When she moved from the door the uniformed officers entered and by the time she’d left the hall they were already going through cabinets and cupboards with no rhyme or reason. Her belongings spilled from drawers onto carpets and tables. Her couch cushions littered the floor around Grandma Dodger. Gladys’ finest China clinked as it was pushed around the cupboard without care. As she wandered through to the kitchen she tried to remind herself she had asked for this. She had tossed the grenade herself and that she couldn’t be reluctant for things to feel a little messy. Messy would prevail in justice for Tony. Punishing Elvis would punish her in return which was what she deserved. Even if she was feeling all out of sorts because of it. In a way she supposed that was better, if she’d been cool and collected Elvis would’ve sniffed her out she was sure of it. At least a nervous mess she was playing the game.

Finally she made it to the kitchen, unhooking the receiver of the phone from the latch as the staff whispered from a huddle in the corner as they tried to stay out of the way of the officers. However she didn’t get very far in dialling before she heard her name called and swivelled around to find the other plainclothes officer, what she suspected to be Austin’s partner watching her intently.

‘Yes?’ she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

‘What's this?’ he asked, gesturing to the TV unit on the kitchen worktop that displayed a picture of the gate.

‘Our security system,’ she said.

‘Is it just on the gate?’ he asked just as Charlie came in looking harried.

‘Yep,’ she said, her throat dry and sticking with now two pairs of eyes on her.

‘And it’s on twenty-four hours a day?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, we don’t shut it off,’ she confirmed.

‘Does it record?’ he asked.

‘Uh, yeah,’ she said, ‘I think so.’

‘Great thanks,’ he said, donning his glasses as he moved to inspect the bulky contraption. Lori turned to restart her phone call, the dial tone now missing given her prolonged absence but as she did she felt a hand on her elbow and a set of lips by the shell of her ear as Charlie whispered, ‘what did you tell him that for?’ before moving past her towards his room.

Lori watched him go, glancing at the detective who was still scrutinising the camera system. It looked as though her acting wasn’t the only thing that was going to need to withstand scrutiny.

✵✵✵

Elvis Presley was not a patient man. He never had been, being an only child and the apple of his mother’s eye hadn’t helped him with his temperament, but notoriety and twenty or so years of bossing everyone around had meant he hadn’t got used to waiting around. He certainly was not used to being given as little information as possible other than being read his rights before he was stuffed into an interview room on his own. Not even his lawyer, a nervous, sweaty man called Hank, arriving had hurried the process up. Which was why he was still sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair, glaring at an older detective as his lawyer flicked through a thin file and tried to ignore the way Elvis’ leg rattled against his as it bounced against the tile floor.

He only broke his gaze as the door unlatched, the blonde detective, the one who’d been stirring the pot since day dot, sauntered in, case file in hand. Elvis watched as he closed the door quietly and unable to stop the irritation from bubbling inside him he found a snarky, ‘by all means take your damn time,’ fall from his lips without warning.

Austin threw him a glance but didn’t respond, electing to remain silent as he dropped into the seat opposite. Because he knew Elvis Presley wasn’t a patient man. No man who had half of Memphis cower to his every want and whim could possibly be patient. He was too well catered to and more importantly too used to everyone bending over backwards to accommodate him, it was why he’d left him in here for the longest time. It was why he’d interviewed all his cronies first. It was why he didn’t say anything as he got settled, allowing the other man to shift in his seat as he muttered, ‘ain’t bad enough you hauled my ass down here on some bullshit charge.’

Again Austin ignored him, gesturing for his partner to flip the switch on the large tape player in between both parties which he did, shifting awkwardly as he realised Austin was allowing him some input. Of course John did not know his partner that well but he’d been in enough interview rooms to know the dynamic his colleague was aiming for. And so he cleared his throat and prepared his most polite tone as he said, ‘interview commenced at nine fifteen am on June twelfth. Detectives Butler and Melling present along with the appropriate counsel. Sir, could you please state and spell your name for the record?’

John was watching Elvis as he spoke, everyone was, but the man’s gaze remained locked on Austin, his blue eyes narrowed and a distinct curl on his lip in contempt even though it wasn’t him asking. Austin didn’t react.

‘Uh, Mr Presley,’ John said, clearing his throat again awkwardly when he failed to answer, ‘could you please-’

‘Elvis Presley,’ Elvis replied, his eyes still on Austin, ‘E-L-V-I-S P-R-E-S-L-E-Y.’

‘Thank you,’ John replied, an awkward but thankful smile on his lips that Austin resisted the urge to roll his eyes to. It hadn’t been easy to get everyone on board and though John had backed him but less out of the belief Austin had a good case and more out of some archaic duty to support his partner when he was under fire. Still it hadn't meant he was entirely on board and even he wasn't immune to trying to make Elvis Presley feel comfortable.

‘Now you gonna tell me why the hell you dragged my ass down here?’ Elvis challenged, not bothering to respond to the officer who had been speaking to him. There wasn’t much point, it wasn’t as if he’d stopped staring at Austin throughout the entire conversation.

‘I assumed that was clear in the warrant you were served,’ Austin said. Elvis’ glare deepened and his jaw tightened at the whiff of snark but Austin merely smiled and said, ‘but we can get to it anyway.’

Elvis watched as he shifted in his seat, opening up a manila folder and scanning through it as he produced a pen from his pocket. He moved slow, as if he was doing paperwork at his desk and not interrogating a suspect and Elvis watched him angrily waiting for him to speak.

‘Can you tell me where you were on May thirtieth?’ he said once he’d finally settled himself.

‘Ain’t I already told you?’ Elvis sneered.

‘I’m asking again,’ Austin said, tight but firm.

‘That dead kid ain’t nuthin’ to do with Kings,’ Elvis sneered.

‘That’s not what I asked,’ Austin replied, again his tone teetering on the edge of snark. Elvis glared at him but glanced towards his lawyer who had remained quiet through the entire thing, no doubt wanting Elvis to take charge before he made any decisions as everyone else seemed to do.

‘If you could provide some information that’s probably for the best,’ Hank muttered into Elvis’ ear, making his jaw tighten further.

‘At home,’ he said, his voice tight and low.

‘All day?’ Austin asked.

‘I went to the club,’ Elvis said.

‘That’s Kings night club, correct?’ Austin said.

‘Yes,’ Elvis replied, his tone dripping with resentment at having every little detail pulled from him. His irritation was also mounting at the way the detective was scribbling notes every time he spoke as though his word wasn’t trustworthy enough. It may have been a long time since anyone didn’t bend to his whim but it had been even longer since someone had failed to take his word as gospel.

‘And what time was that?’ Austin asked.

‘About eight, eight thirty,’ Elvis replied.

‘What did you do when you got there?’ Austin probed.

‘What I always do,’ Elvis said, sighing as Austin said nothing but raised an eyebrow, ‘it was a Friday right? So I watched the new acts, had some drinks and then went into my office to do some paperwork and calls.’

‘And someone can verify that?’ Austin challenged.

‘Just about everyone who was in the damn club,’ Elvis snapped, heaving a sigh as Austin merely looked at him as if waiting for specifics, ‘Sam, Sam Thomspon, my bartender. He was on that night so I guess he can verify I was there.’

‘What time did you leave?’ Austin said, jotting another note on his piece of paper.

‘About one am,’ Elvis said.

‘Alone?’ Austin challenged.

‘No,’ Elvis said with contempt, ‘I have drivers. And bodyguards.’

‘And their names?’ Austin asked.

‘Haven't you already spoken to my entire staff?’ Elvis scoffed, rolling his eyes as Austin failed to bite once more, ‘Jerry Schilling, Red West, Sonny West.’

‘And they left with you?’ Austin asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Where did you go?’ Austin asked.

‘Home,’ Elvis replied, his eyes flicking to the pen that had stalled, curious as to why his answer was not immediately being jotted down in the file in front like all the others.

‘You didn’t drop them off first?’ he asked. Elvis scoffed, ‘they wouldn't be good bodyguards if they left me on my own now would they.’

‘Guess not,’ Austin smiled, with a glint in his eye that Elvis didn’t care for. Neither was the way he added another layer of suspicion as he asked, ‘and they’ll verify this?’

‘Yes,’ Elvis grunted.

Austin nodded, flicking through his file for a second before he looked at his colleague, the lawyer and then back at Elvis as if he was checking they were all listening before he started, whatever question he wanted to ask appearing significant though Elvis didn’t know why as it was only, ‘how long did it take you?’

‘What?’ Elvis asked. The questions had been trivial enough but this seemed to border on the edge of banality. Like he wanted Elvis to spell every single detail out for him. He could tell by the accent that this Butler guy was not a native Memphian and so he might not know the streets well enough to guess but he was getting sick of having to hold the guy’s hand through this entire process. Whenever he’d dealt with Memphis’ boys in blue before it had never been this formal. Over the years there’d been cursory visits but it was normally uniforms who took his word at face value. Anything else was usually dealt with by the Colonel who normally spared him facing the inside of a police station unless it was being angled as a publicity stunt. Now he was starting to sweat, beads of perspiration forming between his shirt and his hairline as piercing blue eyes watched him.

‘That time of night it's got to be ten, fifteen minutes max to get from the club to your house right?’ Austin asked.

‘I guess,’ Elvis said, trying to keep his wariness from his tone.

‘But you left the club at one ten am, we got that from your CCTV, yet your gate camera only clocked you getting back home at two fifty-three am. Where were you for an hour and forty-three minutes?’ Austin asked, his eyes set on Elvis’ face. But it wasn’t just him watching him. Everyone was and he suddenly realised this was not what he’d thought it was. He wasn’t holding this guy’s hand; this guy was laying the foundations to trip Elvis up.

He didn’t know why he’d been so stupid. Annoyed sure but that was because trouble never usually hung around this long. Problems in Elvis Presley's world were dealt with the moment they raised their head. Sure people asked questions but they usually knew it wasn’t worth digging any deeper than the surface level. Of course he had heard this Butler guy had been digging but he had figured it was just because he was too green to know better. Too ambitious, he’d had lower-level guys in the club like it before. They just needed to be put in their place. Now it was too late because he’d got him boxed into a corner. And both of them knew it.

It was why he didn’t probe. He just sat there, allowing the silence to fester until one of them got uncomfortable enough to speak. Only it was Elvis’ lawyer who hesitated first, mumbling to his client, ‘if you could explain that it’d help.’

Elvis cleared his throat and sniffed, trying to maintain an air of nonchalance as he shrugged and said, ‘we went for burgers.’

‘Where?’ Austin asked pointedly.

‘Louie’s.’

‘And your friends, sorry bodyguards, will confirm that?’ Austin asked.

‘Yes,’ Elvis said.

‘Hmm,’ Austin said dismissively and though he was trying to remain cool Elvis couldn’t help but bite, grunting a ‘what?’ before he could stop himself.

‘Nothing,’ Austin said casually, ‘it's just I don’t see how you had the time.’

‘An hour is plenty of time to get a burger,’ Hank the lawyer protested.

‘Maybe but it's not enough time when you’re across town murdering someone,’ Ausitn challenged.

‘You think I murdered the kid?’ Elvis scoffed.

‘I’m sure you did,’ Austin said, leaning forward in his seat, ‘in fact I think you saw Tony leave his shift at one and you followed him home. Now admittedly he stopped for a pizza so whether you headed back to his place and waited or sat outside the pizza parlour I’m not sure but I’m sure you showed up at his apartment. And when you knocked on the door and he opened it and saw his boss, well, who wouldn’t invite them in. He even gave you a drink.’

‘Speculation,’ Hank protested.

‘Not exactly,’ Austin corrected, ‘you see we have your fingerprints on a half-drunk glass of scotch in Tony's apartment and considering it wasn’t moved it’s safe to assume it was being used just before he died.’

Again the silence festered, a satisfied Austin not bothering to prod as the blows landed better than he’d anticipated. But John must’ve been feeling uncomfortable which prompted him to ask, ‘can you explain that?’

‘Maybe he doesn’t clean his glasses very often,’ Elvis said.

‘So you were there at some point?’ Austin challenged, suppressing a smirk at the irritated grunt Elvis made, ‘or am I to believe that he left two glasses of whiskey on the side for what a week? A month? That he never touched or moved them leaving your prints perfectly unsmudged? The same way I’m supposed to believe that he left his freshly bought pizza on the side or left his mail unopened. No, I think the two of you had a drink and a conversation and then for some reason you blew his brains out, which is crazy considering you didn’t even know the kid ten minutes ago.’

Elvis said nothing.

‘So come on, what happened?’ Austin probed. Elvis glared at him but Austin didn’t relent. He stared back, challenging him to say something, anything though he didn’t see what he could say that wouldn’t muddy his defence even more. After a moment Elvis muttered, ‘no comment.’

‘Oh come on!’ Austin laughed, ‘you’ve been happy to run your mouth up to now what’s the matter? Afraid you’re going to tell the truth for once? Or are you going to tell me that your prints being in the apartment of a dead guy you don’t know is all coincidence?’

Elvis stayed silent.

‘Just like you leaving right after him must be. Just like your alibi not matching all your little friends is,’ Austin smirked, leaning closer as Elvis’ gaze snapped up at the mention of an alibi. Of course he’d known that all this mounted to an alibi but he hadn't anticipated he’d be one step ahead, ‘you know we asked your pals where you were that night. And they confirmed you left together and that you went straight home. No burgers. No stopping. No nothing. Is that coincidence too?’

The room was deathly quiet and all of a sudden Elvis was feeling rueful he was such an impatient man. He hated that everyone tried to bend to his will or that no one felt as though they could make decisions for him. If he wasn't maybe they would have found a lawyer who wasn’t too scared to jump in and fix this mess. If he wasn’t maybe he wouldn’t have friends so eager to defend him in their haste they’d landed him in hot water. If he wasn’t maybe he wouldn’t have been so relaxed about this whole thing being pushed under the carpet. He wouldn’t have underestimated this detective. He wasn’t fool enough to think that the whole justice system would bend to the will of the king of Memphis but it had been so long he had become acclimatised to expecting it.

And this guy was a force to be reckoned with. No one had spoken but he kept pushing as if he could niggle something out of the other man if he kept needling, ‘let me guess it’s a coincidence the type of gun used was the same make and model of one you own.’

‘Have you got the gun?’ his lawyer asked, finally making some traction in ‘defence’.

‘No,’ Detective Melling admitted, ‘we don’t…the gun box at your house was empty.’’

‘Then I don’t see how that incriminates my client,’ Hank replied.

‘You don’t think it’s odd that the week we come looking around your clients house for a gun he owns is the same week said gun up and vanishes from your clients possession,’ Austin challenged.

‘I own a lot of guns,’ Elvis said, trying to keep his voice confident though it lacked conviction.

‘And?’ Austin asked, ‘let me guess someone else used the type of gun you have and shot a guy you don’t know after you'd been in his apartment? That sound plausible to you?’

‘I think you’ve got scraps of evidence and you’re adding them together hoping for a good story,’ Elvis spat.

‘Elvis,’ Hank warned.

‘Scraps?’ Austin rebuffed, ‘we’ve got proof you were there, the last one to see him, and he was shot with a gun just like one you own which coincidentally is missing now. Not to mention how you’ve tried to throw off the scent by being cagey as hell and yet you still haven’t managed to coordinate a decent alibi. That’s more than a good story.

‘Oh yeah and what’s the reason?’ Elvis growled, leaning forward in his seat threateningly though Austin matched him, their faces not so far apart as the tension rose, ‘why would I kill some punk kid who works for me?’

‘You tell me why you wouldn’t.’

They remained looking at one another, the ire rolling off them both until finally Austin sloped back in his chair as he looked to John awaiting him to do the rest. His partner sighed and looked to Elvis, ‘Elvis Presley I am charging you with the murder of Anthony Bowen…’

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002@sania562@caitlin1996@literally-just-elvis-fics@notstefaniepresley @18lkpeters @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @louisejoy86 @ccab @i-r-i-n-a-a @lettersfromvenus @artlesson8892 @presleyenterprise

AUSTIN TAGS

@purejasmine @caitlin1996

[wascallywabbit1938]

This is my pinned post! PLEASE read through it so you know what you're getting yourself into LuL

{{ BASIC STUFF }}

- I'm an artist! All of my mangy little doodles are tagged with '#bugsyboy1938 art' so if you're interested check it out every now and then!

- I also have OC's! Posts that feature them are tagged with '#fatass n jackass', check 'em out too!

- I like to swear a lot to drive my points further or to be funnier, so if you're sensitive to strong language i suggest you think about if you really wanna follow me

- I'm a minor, so 18+ accounts aren't wanted here (wait another two years, bucko LuL)

- I do not discriminate! Everyone's welcome here (except of course the laundry list of "ists" and "phobes")! Proshippers, and l*licons can go choke on a chicken bone for all i care just don't interact with me

- I may go through your whole profile and like most of your posts if i like the stuff you post, it's all pure impulse LuL

- I have slight depression and anxiety so please be patient with me! It will do me a very good :)

- I use hyperbole and like to exaggerate things a lot so don't take the things i say too seriously (unless i go out of my way to tell you that i'm being serious, of course)

- PLEASE avoid being vague around me! Just say what you wanna say, t'ain't that hard to be precise!

- I am from (and still live in) Serbia and our time-zone is indeed screwy, so if you're from somewhere that isn't Europe and you're wondering why i haven't responded to one of your DMs that's because i'm probably tucked in bed and blowing snot bubbles

{{ T'INGS I LIKE }}

(What I'll Probably Talk About Here The Most)

- Ed, Edd n' Eddy (mostly about the Kanker Sisters)

- SpongeBob SquarePants (there is not a single season i outright dislike)

- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (mostly the 2003 4Kids show)

- The Pink Panther (mostly the original DePatie-Freleng shorts)

- Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry and sometimes other 1940's/50's cartoon shorts

- Oggy & The Cockroaches

- Ren & Stimpy, Beavis & Butt-Head and sometimes other cartoons from the 1990's

- Garfield comics (and anything relating to the Garfield franchise, really LuL)

- SuperMarioLogan (yes the YouTuber, sorry LuL :þ)

- Platform fighters such as Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2, Rivals of Aether, Super Smash Flash 2, and of course, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash-Up

- And last but not least, Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure. Truly a classic :)

{{ CHARACTER KIN-LIST }}

(These Characters Mean A Lot To Me)

- Lee, May Kanker (Ed, Edd n' Eddy)

- SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Eugene Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants)

- Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo Splinterson (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003))

- Oggy, Jack (Oggy and the Cockroaches)

- Nina Cortex (Crash Bandicoot)

{{ WHERE ELSE TO FIND ME }}

- Discord: bugsbunny1938

- Twitter: @Wabbit_Guy

- Instagram: @wacky_wabbit_man

- DeviantArt: BugsyBoy1938

Hope y'all have a swell time hearing me ramble on about dumb shite!

[wwillywonka]

when you're writing heaven on their minds, what version of willy is in your mind? is it depp wonka or wilder wonka? I know for sure it's not chalamet wonka. or maybe the musical ones? borle or snook?

hi anon! thanks so much for the question!<3

i try to emulate this in heaven on their minds by the very fact that i include bits and pieces from all versions of canon, but my willy is very much an amalgamation of every willy. and when i say every, i mean every, which is why i reward myself (with the self-awareness of its pomposity) with the Wonka Expert title - because i don't consider just one willy wonka to be The willy wonka; they're all him and he cannot exist without every piece of himself.

in terms of physical appearance, i've shared my art of him on here (and on my instagram @/corduroycyborg), and those drawings are about as close as i can get to portraying how he looks in my mind: tall but too thin for his height, mid-length thick curly chocolate-coloured (ha!) hair that he straightens within an inch of its life, deep set electric purple eyes that can increase or decrease in saturation depending on his mood, nose like a rabbit's, perfect teeth and painted nails and gold jewellery and always a thick layer of makeup to hide his insecurities. i also go back and forth a lot in my head about his race considering i myself am mixed asian and pretty much project everything about myself on him. but i like to keep it ambiguous to make him an accessible character for all readers, an intentional choice that plays into the themes in hotm of him feeling like he isn't a person without the media and his fans telling him who he is. hotm (my) willy is definitely more based on 2005 because that is my favorite version (and because i am hopelessly, unfortunately attracted to twink johnny depp for no reason) but also because i feel like that movie does the best job of externalising his inner self through his appearance. wilder wonka is classic, of course, but i've always thought, even as a kid, that he just looks too damn nice, is too charismatic. wilder wonka, while definitely mad (the boat scene>>>), is just a big ol' teddy bear. his hair looks so soft, and the way he picks up charlie and twirls him around is so 🥺🥺🥺. gene wilder himself said that he wanted his wonka to look trustworthy so that he could focus on making his personality unpredictable, which i appreciate and think works well in the 1971 movie - but willy is supposed to be antisocial and scary and off-putting. it makes him so much more interesting to me. the original book describes him as bright and colorful, yes, but also as someone charlie immediately wants to unpack, to study, to understand. and the way wilder wonka doesn't even wear gloves...!! that's a hugely essential part of willy's character and his adversity to the outside world, and it just isn't present in what is typically considered the "best" version.

in chapter 7, i describe willy lounging in a oscar wilde-esque fashion, with a floral robe and lipstick and a french bob. i know this is technically me stretching the femininity of depp wonka perhaps a little too far, but it's my own special charm i've built around the character in the past many years of him being my favorite character of all time. perhaps it's just me being really bisexual and projecting my particular type and relationship with gender onto him; i accept that and own it. i will forcibly feminize my blorbos all i want and that is my right. now, to address gareth snook wonka. tbh the worst wonka look besides the unspeakable tom and jerry movie. THAT BEING SAID, uk tour willy is probably my favorite portrayal of the character ever. he's unpredictable, he's scary, and his attractiveness and charms are so unexpected but make so much sense in the most surprising ways - snook wonka is cunty, i'll say it. mix his personality with depp and that's MY willy!!!

and yeah, definitely no chalamet wonka. i literally don't think about him at all while writing the character unless i'm considering how noodle fits into the story. and i've said this before but i don't care for borle wonka even though i know he's a fan favorite. sorry lol.

TLDR: 93% depp, 6% snook, 4% dahl, and 2% wilder. ("but that's 105%!" yes.)

((p.s. the artist who appears most on the big unpublished playlist i have for him is lana del rey. if that helps paint a picture🎀🍫🐇🍒).

[multifandomworldsposts]

My Manager’s Daughter

REQUEST: Older elvis meets Parker’s step daughter who comes to stay in Vegas and initially is attracted to her and falls in love with her- a hot version of a story like this

Pairing: Elvis Presley x reader or Austin!Elvis x reader

Warning: Making out, Swearing, fluff, Colonel being an ass (as usual)

Elvis’s POV

We’re playing at the International Hotel again, great, can I at least get fucking break! The Colonel wants me to meet someone, I bet it’s another owner from a arena, I need a break. I try to watch television and I hear my door open and it’s the Colonel with a girl?

“Mr. Presley! I want you to meet my step daughter, Y/N.” She’s beautiful.

I get up from my couch and approach her and say, “Nice to meet you Y/N.” with my hand out for her to shake it.

“Hi Elvis. I heard a lot about you.” She shook my hand.

“Oh really, what about.” I said nervously.

“Well, you’re the most entertaining person in the world right now.”

“I-I guess yes I am.” I stuttered, why!

“Well Elvis, Y/N and I are going down to the theater, be ready.” The Colonel leads Y/N out of the suite and closes the door behind him. I’ve never seen anyone that beautiful in my life.

Saturday, July 9th 1969 08:30 PM

Still Elvis’s POV

I wait till the curtains go up and I feel a tap on my right shoulder and it’s Jerry.

“Why you looking so nervous E.P.?”

“Well, I met the Colonel’s step daughter and, she’s beautiful.”

“Don’t get nervous man, you’ve been doing this for a long time.” I just nod but I still feel nervous.

Y/N’s POV

I sit in one of the VIP tables and Tom sat next to me and I see this older man come sit down with us.

“Y/N! This is Kirk Kerkorian, he owns the International Hotel.” Tom introduced me.

“Hi sir. I love the theater.”

“Thank you Doll.” I just nod. The curtains open and Elvis comes out with his band playing. He starts to perform one of his songs and he starts to dance, he’s really good.

10:20 PM Still Y/N’s POV

I’m in awe, he did amazing! Tom taps me on the right shoulder and leads me to backstage and I see Elvis on the ground with a towel on his neck. He gets up and goes to Tom.

“You did amazing as usual Mr. Presley!” “

Thank you Colonel.” Elvis looks at me and Tom noticed him and says, “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“How’d I do Y/N?” Elvis says nervously.

“You were incredible, it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you Y/N.” “Elvis!” Tom yells behind me.

“I gotta go, I’m glad you liked the show.” Elvis shook my hand and went to Tom and I feel paper in my hand and I open it up and it says, ‘Meet me in my suite in 20 minutes.’

20 minutes later still Y/N’s POV

I go Elvis’ suite and knocked on the door and he answered it. Wearing his custom robe (it’s makes him look attractive.) He guides me to the huge couch and I sit down and he goes to his bar and got a glass for himself and asks, “You want a drink?”

“Um, White Wine please.”

“How old are you Y/N?”

“22.” Elvis smirks and grabs another glass for me and gets the white wine including Shasta and pouring the Shasta in his glass then pours the white wine in my glass and walks towards me with my drink and hands it to me, I drink a little bit of the wine and I hear, “So Y/N, how long has the Colonel been your stepdad?”

I look at him and say, “About, 3 years.” I drink again.

“Why haven’t I met you before?” Elvis looks at me while messing with the glass.

“He didn’t want me to see you yet I guess.”

“Well, if I met you before I would tell you that you’re beautiful.”

“You think so?” I set the glass on the table.

“I know so. Y/N, when I met you, I thought that you’re the most sweet, innocent thing I’ve ever seen.” He rubs on my right arm softly.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Elvis gets closer to my face and starts kissing my lips, I kiss him back. I grab his neck and pull him on top of me. He sets his hands on the couch beside my head. I start to moan and softly grip to his hair. He starts kissing on my neck, I feel like he’s gonna give me a hickey so I stop him.

“What’s wrong?” He gives me a confused face.

“I’m scared that Tom would see the hickey.”

Elvis puts his forehead against mine and I say, “I’m sorry Elvis but, you can do anything but, don’t give me any hickeys, please?”

“Fine baby.” Elvis says in a deep voice and continues kissing me. Now that’s attractive. 

We've been like this, it felt like hours but it was really about 40 minutes, the wine really hit me, maybe or I’m just attracted to the king of rock n’ roll. We hear a knock and Elvis gets off of me and I fix myself and gets the wine off the table and Elvis opens the door and it’s “Elvis? Where’s Y/N?” Tom!? Oh god! 

“In here.” Elvis let’s Tom in and he sees me with glass and goes up to me and snatches the glass out of my hand “Y/N! What is wrong with you!”

 “You're not really my dad Tom!” Tom angrily sighs and says, “Why are you in Mr. Presley’s suite!?” I get nervous and Tom can see it. 

“I invited her in here because I wanted to get to know her better Colonel.” 

“Then why does she-.” Tom gets closer to me and notices a hickey, he turns to Elvis and I can tell Elvis looks scared.

 “A hickey?!” “Tom, I let him give me a hickey.” I approached him, he turns around and says, “You're too young to drink AND getting something like this.” 

“I’m an adult you should treat me like one for once!” I yell at him, I never yelled at him before. Tom looks at the both of us and says, “You two, I- I- I don’t know what to say! We’ll discuss this tomorrow morning.” Tom walks out of the suite. I approach Elvis and say, “I’ve never seen him that mad before.”

 “I have and it ain't pretty.” I giggle and gave him a peck on his right cheek. 

“Thanks for covering me, you know I gave that hick on purpose.” Elvis puts his hands around my waist. 

“I didn't want him to punch your face in if I told him you did that to me but I know he’s mad now but I think he’ll be angrier than ever.” Elvis kisses me again and says, “How long are you staying here?” 

“As long as you're here.” Elvis just smiles. 

“Thank god.” I chuckle. 

“I think I should go back to my room.” Elvis stops me and says, “How about you stay here tonight.” 

“Are you sure Elvis?”

 “Yes, it’s getting late and I don't want you to leave alone.” 

“Fine. But where should I sleep?” 

“With me.” I smile and Elvis takes me to his room, this might be a long night. 

[lastweeksshirttonight]

We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.

[a-casual-egg]

yay, ship bingo!! piratewoods for you as well, and bisonbelle, please? :D or silas/garnet, but i know this ship bingo isnt really made for QPR ships so they might not get many hits gbfjdgfjk

Piratewoods:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", "I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "THEY NEED TO KISS ALREADY", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

Bisonbelle:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", "I ship them because of canon", a drawing of a person with a smug expression doing a thumbs up, there is an arrow pointing to them and text above it that reads "deranged", "I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "THEY NEED TO KISS ALREADY", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", "OTP/OT3", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

Silas x Garnet qpr:

[Image Description: A five by five bingo board with the following spots highlighted "They keep me up at night", I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask?!", "I ship them platonically", a drawing of a person slamming a table as they cry, "I swear to god if anything happens to them I will cry", "Aesthetically pleasing", "FREE SPACE", "I enjoy and or/create fanworks of them", "They need to bite each other harder and more often", An edited photo of Tom from Tom and Jerry holding up a sign that reads "YES!!!!!!!!", a drawing of a blushing stick figure with big eyes, there is text above them the drawing that reads "omg squeeeee sajkdfhsdljkhkfSJs dfkjlaslkdfjkaskldfj klasdklfjkasdjlf", "I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LYING)", and "They are sooooooo silly :3". End Image Description.]

[ohimsummer]

hi summer don’t you worry about pest maintenance in your house catoru and i are on the job 🫡 last week i saw a mouse and had catoru chase the mouse tom and jerry style (yes that implies that The Mouse Won….. i don’t want to talk about it and neither does catoru. he still has a comically large cartoonish bump on his head from running into a brick wall that the mouse had painted to look like a tunnel. it wasn’t his proudest moment)

PLS NAWRRR THE BOY😭 THANK YOU FOR THE INBOX MAINTENANCE LOGAN ML 😽 ALSO I AM STILL GIVING HIM TREATS AND PETS AND KISSES FOR HIS EFFORTS!!! I AM STILL PROUD OF HIM FOR TRYING OKAY PLEASE TELL CATORU I STILL LOVE HIM AND HIS ENDEAVORS (even if they are failures….i am glad that he Tried <<<3333 )

this is how I am imagining him after his failed attempts at mouse catching 😭