#yes I absolutely used a 1D lyric for the title

[captainsamwilsonbarnes]

I’ll Make This Feel Like Home

I’ve been sitting on this WIP for a while, so I finally decided to finish and post it! It’s just pure self-induglent Sambucky domestic fluff, but my heart really needed it after watching those scenes of them together in Louisiana. 😍😍😍

~*~

Sam x Bucky (4.8K of pure fluff, rated T.) No applicable warnings other than TFATWS spoilers for anyone who hasn’t watched the series yet.

"That," Bucky says as he pushes back from the table and pats his stomach, "was the best goddamn meal I've ever had. Seriously, like ever. You really outdid yourself," he tells Sarah, who gives him a shy smile in return.

"Thank you, Bucky," Sarah beams, her smile growing even wider as she reaches out to pat his shoulder. "I like this one," she tells Sam. "He's a keeper."

"Yeah, he sure is," Sam grins. "I thought about returning him a couple of times, but he kinda grew on me," he winks while slipping his hand under the table and squeezing Bucky's knee.

That causes a very attractive blush to spread across Bucky's face, and Sam can't help thinking about all of the ways he could make that happen again.

Bucky gives Sam a private smile and says, "I guess you're stuck with me."

"I can live with that," Sam happily agrees.

"Will you be staying long?" Sarah asks Bucky as she stands up and starts collecting their empty plates. "Not that I'm kicking you out, I promise. We have plenty of room, and you're more than welcome to stay as long as you like."

Or forever, Sam thinks, but he keeps that to himself.

This thing with Bucky, these fond looks and lingering touches, that's not exactly new territory for them.

It's just been a while, and Sam's a little unsure of the protocol here when they've only spent a handful of days together after nearly a month of radio silence.

That wasn't Sam's choice, but Bucky was furious when Sam mentioned that he was going to turn in the shield. Sam hadn't even done it yet, but it still led to an ugly argument which ended with Bucky refusing to answer Sam's texts or phone calls after that. Things only got worse from there when the government gave the shield to Walker, but Sam didn't feel like he had much of a choice in the matter.

Sam's no fool, he knew the government wouldn't allow him to become the next Captain America. It had been a sweet gesture on Steve's part, but it left Sam with more questions than he had answers for.

After they returned from the blip, Sam ended up living in Wakanda with Bucky for a while since his previous apartment in D.C. was long gone. It was a hard truth to accept, but a lot had changed in five years. Sam knew he could go back to Delacroix and live with Sarah and the boys, but he wasn't quite ready for that yet.

Not that he didn't miss them dearly, but he wanted to take some time to adjust to this new normal before moving back home. It was a lot to process at the time, and Sam definitely didn't want to give Sarah any more reasons to worry about him.

Naturally, Shuri and T'Challa happily opened their hearts and home to him when Bucky explained Sam's situation. They were extremely gracious about it and assured Sam that he was welcome to stay as long as he wanted.

That only ended up being a few months, but it allowed Sarah to prepare for Sam's return, and for Sam to be in a much better mental state.

Truth be told, Sam's not quite sure he could have recovered as quickly as he did if it weren't for Bucky.

Bucky, who hadn't even hesitated to ask Shuri and T'Challa if Sam could stay in Wakanda with them.

Bucky, who had been nothing but sweet and charming to him the entire time Sam was there.

Bucky, who always held and comforted Sam when he needed it.

Bucky, who never judged or pitied Sam when he cried.

Bucky, who always dried Sam's tears with a gentle touch.

Bucky, who understood that anger was a perfectly valid emotion, given everything they'd been through.

Bucky, who was typically a man of few words, but happily talked Sam's ear off whenever Sam needed a distraction from his thoughts.

Bucky, who has been through his own share of personal horrors, but always put Sam's comfort and well-being before his own.

Bucky, who quickly became one of Sam's very best friends and completely stole his heart.

Their nights together in Wakanda were Sam's favorite because they would often lie on a blanket under the stars, just the two of them. They told each other things they never shared with anyone else, not even Steve, and Sam really enjoyed getting to know the real Bucky.

Their interactions always remained platonic, but Sam would be lying if he said he didn't want more. He often wondered if Bucky did too, but Sam ended up leaving before he had a chance to find out.

Back in the present, Bucky shakes his head in response to Sarah's question as he gives Sam a wistful smile.

"Nah, I wish. I've got some things to take care of back in Brooklyn, so I'm leaving tomorrow, actually. But," he adds hopefully, "I would love to come back for another visit sometime. If that's okay."

"Absolutely," Sarah nods. "You're always welcome here anytime, so don't be a stranger," she says as she leans down and kisses Bucky's cheek.

"Watch yourself, baby sister," Sam glares as he swats at her with a dish towel.

"Do that again Samuel, and I'm throwing out the rest of the beignets," Sarah threatens.

"Okay, truce," Sam relents as he holds up his hands in mock surrender. Sarah's beignets are his favorite, and he doesn't doubt that she would throw them away just to spite him.

"I better have another one, just in case he decides to stick his foot in his mouth again," Bucky tells Sarah as he reaches for the plate of leftovers.

"Oh, you think you're cute, huh?" Sam smirks as he snaps the dish towel in Bucky's direction this time.

"Not as cute as you, Samuel," Bucky drawls just before taking a bite of the fluffy pastry.

Sam's entire face flushes hotly as he looks up and meets Bucky's eyes.

Is he…flirting?

It's been a while since anyone has flirted with him, so Sam is a bit out of practice. Still, there's a mischievous twinkle in Bucky's eyes that Sam hasn't seen in months. The warmth suddenly spreads from his cheeks straight down to places that he doesn't want to think about with his little sister in the room.

"Well, at least we agree on something," Sam jokes as he plucks the half-eaten beignet out of Bucky's hand and pops it into his mouth. It's a weak reply, but it's all his brain could come up with after being caught off guard like that.

Bucky isn't even fazed, he just reaches for another beignet and eats it in two bites. "God, these are amazing," he moans.

It's pure torture for Sam, watching helplessly as Bucky licks the powdered sugar from his lips.

"Thank you," Sarah says as she places a sealed paper bag in front of Bucky. "These are for you to take home with you. They won't be quite as good as they are when they're fresh, but just heat them up in the oven for about five minutes and they'll be pretty close."

"Marry me," Bucky says dramatically as he reaches for both of Sarah's hands. "Make an honest man out of me, Sarah Wilson."

"You're sweet," Sarah giggles as she pulls her hands back and dusts them off, "but I don't feel like being turned into fish food."

"Empty threats," Bucky waves dismissively in Sam's direction. "He'll eventually learn to accept our love."

Sam almost chokes on his beer at Bucky's words. He knows it's all a joke and he's pretty sure (okay, somewhat sure) that Bucky isn't actually interested in his sister, but it still leaves a very unsettling feeling in his stomach.

Especially because Bucky can really lay on the charm when he wants to.

"I'm going to miss you," Sarah tells Bucky as she holds out her arms and wraps him up in a hug.

No, Sam is absolutely not jealous about that. He's just going to drink the rest of his beer and pretend like he doesn't want to pry them apart. (He is secretly thrilled that they get along so well, but he can obviously never let them know that. It would give them too much power.)

"I'll miss you too, sweetheart," Bucky says as he lifts Sarah right off of her feet and swings her around. "I promise I'll be back, though."

"I'm holding you to that," Sarah tells him while poking Bucky's chest.

"Please do," Bucky laughs as he sets her back down.

"Okay gentlemen," Sarah says as she continues stacking plates next to the sink, "any chance you guys might take care of the dishes so I can pry the boys away from their video game and tuck them in?"

"Of course," Bucky nods while reaching out and offering Sam a hand. "You wash, I'll dry?"

"Deal," Sam grins as he lets Bucky help him to his feet. Not that Sam needs it, but he loves that Bucky is so delightfully chivalrous.

"Don't let him trick you into doing all the work," Sarah warns Bucky as she pulls him into another hug. "And you better come down and say goodbye before you leave tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am," Bucky says as he gives Sarah one last squeeze. "Thanks again for dinner, and just for everything, really."

"Thanks for always keeping my brother safe," Sarah smiles at them both as she exits the kitchen.

"Your family is amazing," Bucky tells Sam once they're alone. "Cass and AJ are the sweetest kids, and I'm really going to miss this place."

"Don't miss it for too long then," Sam says as he claps a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "I know you have stuff to sort out in Brooklyn, but you can always come back here afterward. Maybe stay a while and make a proper vacation of it," he suggests.

"I thought we were going to take separate vacations?" Bucky teases.

"I've got Carlos and his fillet knife on speed dial, just so you know," Sam jokes as he grabs two more beers from the fridge and hands one to Bucky.

"I'm kidding," Bucky says as he accepts the bottle. Their fingers connect briefly, and Sam wishes they could live in this moment forever. No threats on their lives, no drama, just each other.

"Well I'm serious about you coming back. You up for it?" Sam asks.

"Definitely," Bucky nods before taking a sip from his beer. "Just let me tie up some loose ends in Brooklyn, then I'm all yours," he winks.

It's a common phrase, Sam realizes, but it still causes a sudden warmth to bloom in his chest.

I'm all yours.

Yeah, he could get used to that.

"Works for me," Sam says as he sets his beer down and turns his attention to the sink.

Bucky's words keep replaying in his head like a broken record: I'm all yours…I'm all yours...I'm all yours… so Sam has to occupy his hands before he does something reckless.

"Here, let me help," Bucky offers as he grabs a clean dish towel and joins Sam by the sink.

Bucky's 'help' turns out to be nothing but a distraction since he's pressed up against Sam's side, warm and solid. Sam's not really sure when Bucky started wearing cologne, but the one he's got on right now smells familiar. It's probably one of his own, Sam distantly realizes, since they both showered just before dinner.

Bucky hadn't brought much with him besides a single change of clothing, so he likely hadn't packed many toiletries.

"Are you wearing my cologne?" Sam asks out of curiosity, not that he minds in the least. Bucky usually just smells like fabric softener, which always makes Sam want to hold him close and breathe him in.

"Yeah," Bucky admits, "I hope you don't mind. I didn't bring any, so I just wanted to smell nice."

"You do," Sam says as he nudges Bucky's shoulder. What he doesn't dare mention is the fact that Bucky smells exactly like he probably would if he woke up in Sam's arms, with their combined scents mingling together. "You look nice, too," he adds in what he hopes is an appreciative tone.

Since Bucky neglected to pack anything to sleep in, he's wearing one of Sam's favorite T-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. The shirt is a bit snug, but it clings to him in all the right places.

"Thanks," Bucky blushes as Sam hands him some plates to dry.

"You're welcome," Sam says while trying his best not to think about how much better that shirt would look on his bedroom floor.

"Do you think Sarah would share her beignet recipe with me?" Bucky asks a moment later.

"Doubtful," Sam snickers. "She's definitely taking that one to the grave with her. Hell, I don't even know it," he confesses.

"Oh," Bucky frowns. "Well, maybe she can still teach me how to make 'em even if we use a different recipe," he muses. "They're so goddamn addictive."

Shaking his head, Sam says, "they'll never be the same. You need water from the bayou to make them just right."

"Bullshit," Bucky scoffs as he gives Sam a playful shove.

"Hey, don't mock the process," Sam laughs, "but I can teach you if you really want to learn."

"Cool," Bucky grins. "I did a lot of cooking when I was in the Army. I wasn't half bad at it, actually."

"I can see that about you," Sam nods. "Especially living in Brooklyn. I bet you'll turn into one of those foodie snobs in no time."

"Nah," Bucky shakes his head, "I've never been too picky when it comes to food. My ma always taught me to eat whatever was put in front of me, so I doubt I'll ever become a snob about it."

"Sounds like she raised you right, then," Sam smiles.

"Guess so," Bucky agrees as he ducks his head shyly.

They work in companionable silence for the next few minutes, with Sam washing the dishes and then handing them over for Bucky to dry. The kitchen has a nice, wide sink, but no luxuries such as a dishwasher. That's fine with Sam, though. He's glad Sarah chose to preserve the original architecture, rather than overload the house with too many modern fixtures.

"Are there any more dishes left?" Sam asks a little while later as he's rinsing off some forks.

"Nope," Bucky says as he reaches around Sam and shuts off the tap. "All done," he adds in a low voice as he anchors his hands on Sam's hips and presses himself close.

It's so unexpected that it shocks Sam into dropping the forks back into the sink.

"Shit," he curses as soapy water splashes the front of his T-shirt.

"Sorry," Bucky laughs, clearly aware of the effect he's having on Sam.

"No you're not," Sam fires back because Bucky knows exactly what he's doing.

"No, I'm really not," Bucky purrs as he tucks his face into the curve of Sam's neck.

Sam had forgotten how sexy the scrape of stubble could feel. Sweet Jesus.

"Are you nuzzling me?" Sam tries to play it cool, but his voice betrays him by cracking slightly.

"Mmmhmm," Bucky confirms as he rests his chin on Sam's shoulder. "Just let me know if this makes you uncomfortable, and I promise I'll stop."

"Okay," Sam says a bit shakily, "did you accidentally eat some catnip?" Friendly touches are pretty common between them now, but there's absolutely nothing platonic about the way Bucky's got him pressed up against the counter.

Bucky chuckles at that while slipping his hands under Sam's shirt and trailing them over the smooth skin just above Sam's waistband. "I'm fine, Sam."

"Well something's up," Sam insists, but he doesn't pull away.

"Not yet," Bucky leers as he gives Sam's hips a squeeze. "But maybe if you play your cards right."

"Buck," Sam freezes, because that is entirely possible to misinterpret, "are you flirting with me?"

"Well, if you have to ask, then I'm obviously doing it wrong," Bucky laughs again. "I was a lot smoother back in the forties, I swear."

"You're doing fine," Sam praises as he melts into Bucky's touch. "You just caught me off guard, that's all."

"I'm full of surprises, sweetheart," Bucky whispers as he grazes his lips against Sam's neck.

Sam can't help shivering at the touch, because Bucky's lips are a warm contrast to the crisp evening breeze filtering through the open windows. The sweet scent of gardenias fills the air as Sam tries to calm his racing heart.

It's just Bucky, he thinks, which would have completely unnerved him once upon a time. Now it's a familiar comfort, like his favorite sweater, or the melodic sound of his nephews' laughter. Still, he can't seem to contain the flutter in his chest because he knows they're crossing a line that they've been cautiously avoiding for years.

"I like surprises," Sam says as he turns around and grips Bucky by the front of the T-shirt. The fabric is soft, and he can feel the heat from Bucky's skin seeping through it.

"I like you," Bucky counters as he cradles Sam's jaw with one hand. With the other, he hooks his fingers into Sam's belt loops and hauls him closer.

"I like you too," Sam admits as he drops his hands down and settles them on Bucky's waist.

"Glad we're on the same page," Bucky grins as he sweeps his thumb over Sam's cheek. "Would it be terribly old-fashioned of me to ask for permission to kiss you?"

"Yes," Sam says, eyes sparkling with delight, "but I sure hope that's not gonna stop you."

"Consider this my formal request, then," Bucky winks as he tilts Sam's face up.

"Permission granted, Sergeant," Sam murmurs just before Bucky kisses him. It's a slow, sweet drag of their lips at first, then Bucky carefully changes the angle as he cups the back of Sam's neck and deepens the kiss.

Sam lets out a whimper as he reaches up to run his fingers through Bucky's hair. It's the shortest it's ever been since Sam has known him, but he loves it like this. Bucky barely looks older than he did in the forties, and he's still every bit as handsome.

"Finally," Bucky pants shakily against Sam's mouth. "God, I've been wanting to do that for so long."

"Me too, baby," Sam replies as he wraps his arms around Bucky's neck.

"Well then, I guess we'll just have to make up for lost time," Bucky suggests as he leans in for another kiss. It's every bit as sweet as the first one but slightly less gentle as he pins Sam to the counter and rocks their hips together.

"Fuck," Sam groans as he pulls back suddenly and rubs Bucky's cheek. He can hear the TV upstairs so he knows that someone is still awake. Probably Sarah, but it could easily be the boys since it's not even that late. "As much as I really want to take this further, we can't right now. Not until we're sure that everyone's asleep."

"Sweetheart," Bucky says as he slides forward and nudges their noses together. "You don't owe me any explanations. This is your house and I would never want to make anything weird for you and your family. Especially for you, Sam."

"I know," Sam nods, "and I really appreciate that. I just wish we had some privacy, that's all."

"We will," Bucky smiles while adding, "they've gotta fall asleep sometime, right?"

"Right," Sam laughs as he kisses Bucky softly. "You're amazing, you know that? Just in case I don't tell you enough."

"Wait, does that mean I'm not as annoying as you like to pretend I am?" Bucky teases.

"No," Sam grins brightly, "you're definitely still annoying."

Bucky rolls his eyes fondly as he reaches for Sam's hand and steers him into the living room. "Well you're no picnic either, baby doll," he says finally as he drops down onto the couch and pulls Sam into his arms.

"Must be why we're perfect for each other, huh?" Sam winks as he settles onto Bucky's lap and kisses him again.

"Must be," Bucky agrees as he wraps his arms around Sam's neck and kisses him back.

*

"So, there's something I wanted to talk to you about," Bucky tells Sam a while later when they're curled up on the couch watching TV.

"What is it?" Sam asks as he sits up and turns to face Bucky. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Bucky replies. "But I kinda broke the lease on my apartment, so that's why I'm heading back to Brooklyn. There's not much left in it, honestly, but I have to pick up the rest of my stuff and then just turn in my keys. I could use some company though if you wanna come with me?"

"Of course, baby," Sam says as he reaches out and squeezes Bucky's knee. "Oh shit, I should probably check for a last-minute flight, though."

"No need," Bucky tells him. "I, uh, kinda hoped you'd say yes, so I already got you a ticket."

"And what if I said no?" Sam challenges.

"Oh," Bucky frowns, "then guess I'd just go alone and miss you the whole time."

"Who knew you were such a drama queen?" Sam smirks while leaning in to kiss Bucky's pout away. "I'm kidding, baby; I'd love to go with you. But wait, where are you moving to then?"

"Well," Bucky blushes, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I used to love living in New York, but it's changed a lot since I was a kid. It's too damn loud, for one," he laughs. "That, or maybe I'm just not cut out for big city life anymore."

"So, you're leaving the city," Sam says, but it's not a question. He tried to talk Bucky out of moving there in the first place, but he figured it must have been a comfort thing. It's the only place Bucky has ever lived, so it made sense that he'd end up there, at least for a little while.

"Yeah," Bucky nods. "It's just not home to me anymore. I mean, I guess it hasn't been for the last eighty years, so I think it's time to move on."

"So where did you have in mind?" Sam asks. He doesn't want to assume anything, but he suddenly feels pretty hopeful about what Bucky may be getting at.

"Here," Bucky says while brushing his lips against Sam's. "You're home to me, so I just wanna be wherever you are, baby. I already looked up some apartment listings earlier and I found a few that looked promising. I mean, if you're cool with all of this. I don't want to make you feel pressured, or make things weird, or - "

Sam cuts him off with a kiss so intense that it leaves them both completely breathless.

"Bucky," Sam pants a moment later. "Are you kidding me? You know I hated the idea of you living all alone in Brooklyn, and I hope you know that I always want you around me."

"Always?" Bucky blushes as he shifts closer and rubs his nose against Sam's.

"Always," Sam repeats as he tilts his head and kisses Bucky again. "You're not gonna need that apartment, though."

"I won't?" Bucky says while giving Sam a teasing grin. "How come?"

"Well," Sam explains as he hauls Bucky off of the couch and leads him over to the window. From there, they have a perfect view of the backyard which is bathed in the soft glow of moonlight. "I was actually thinking about building a place for us. We own this land and there's plenty of extra room," he adds while gesturing out the window. "So I was thinking we could build an extension for ourselves, sort of like a guest house. That way, we'll have our privacy, but we can still be near Sarah and the boys. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds like a goddamn amazing plan to me," Bucky says as he turns to wrap his arms around Sam and pull him close. "I haven't known your family for even a whole day yet but I already love them almost as much as I love you," he smiles before leaning in for another kiss.

"Whoa," Sam gasps. "You love me?"

"So much," Bucky nods. "I know it's probably way too soon to say it, but - "

"No, it isn't," Sam disagrees as he gently trails his fingertips over the scruff on Bucky's jaw, "not if you really mean it."

"I've honestly never meant anything more," Bucky murmurs as he steals another kiss. This one is just a quick peck, but Sam still feels it all the way down to his toes.

"Bucky, I - "

"I don't expect you to say it back," Bucky quickly interjects before Sam can even get a word in. "I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me, sweetheart. I know I'm not good with words, and okay, most of the time I'm just not good at expressing myself in general, but - "

"Bucky," Sam tries a little more firmly this time as he rubs the back of Bucky's neck. "I love you too. I've known it since Wakanda for sure, but probably even before that, honestly. You may be a pain in my ass sometimes, but you're the only one I trust with my heart," he finishes as he tugs Bucky forward and kisses him deeply.

"Holy shit," Bucky says as he pulls back and gives Sam a hopeful look. "You love me? Like really?"

"Really," Sam nods as he reaches for Bucky's hand and drags him back over to the couch. "I know it's been a while since we've talked about it," he continues once they get settled, "but I honestly don't know where I'd even be right now if it weren't for you. I was really struggling to accept how much life had changed after the blip, but you," Sam pauses as he turns toward Bucky and scoots closer, "you were my knight in shining armor. Literally," he emphasizes as he reaches for Bucky's vibranium hand and squeezes it. "Thank you, baby. That really meant a lot to me, just in case I don't say it enough."

"Sweetheart, you of all people have nothing to thank me for," Bucky says. "You deserve the world, Sam Wilson, he whispers as he takes hold of Sam's jaw and kisses him again.

"Thank you," Sam pants between kisses. "It's not a competition, but you know you deserve nice things too, right?"

Bucky smiles softly as he leans back and grips Sam by the shoulders. "Baby, I've already got everything I could ever possibly need or want right here."

The with you part goes unspoken, but Sam hears it anyway.

"I love you," Bucky continues as he gives Sam's shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "When I escaped from HYDRA, I never dreamed that I could be happy again, or that I'd fall in love and have a shot at a normal life. Not that anything about our lives is exactly normal," he laughs.

"No, definitely not," Sam agrees, "but we make it work."

"We sure do, sugar," Bucky says as he drops a kiss on Sam's shoulder.

"So how about it?" Sam asks as he reaches for Bucky's hand and laces their fingers together. "Do you think you could be happy here in Delacroix?"

"I don't care where we live," Bucky says as he slides onto Sam's lap. "Here, New York, Wakanda, fucking Mars, even. Delacroix is amazing, but honestly, I'll be happy wherever we are as long as you're there with me," he finishes as he tilts Sam's face up for a kiss.

"You know we don't have any of those fancy sushi joints here, right? Or those hipster coffee shops that you love so much," Sam teases.

"That's okay," Bucky grins as he presses a trail of kisses up Sam's neck. "I make damn good coffee actually, and I happen to know of a fantastic place to get seafood. The owners are a little grumpy, but you learn to love 'em."

"Is that so?" Sam pretends to glare as he pokes Bucky in the ribs.

"Yes it is," Bucky huffs while trying to squirm out of Sam's grasp. "And I think the one with the hot ass might have a crush on me."

"You better be talking about me," Sam smirks as he shoves Bucky backward and crawls on top of him.

"Only you, my love," Bucky says seriously as he wraps his arms around Sam's neck.

"Good answer," Sam winks as he bends down and kisses Bucky slowly. "I love you," he adds when he pulls back and rests their foreheads together.

Bucky smiles at that, sweet and soft and so ridiculously fond as he leans in and nuzzles Sam's cheek.

"I love you more."

~*~

[lilothrowbacks]

Louis Tomlinson went on a Twitter reply stream on Monday (if you saw any of The Honey POP fam trying to get noticed… no you didn’t bestie), and amongst talk of his wisdom teeth, napping, and his nan, his answer to one question, in particular, left our brains melting. HE HASN’T WRITTEN HIS BEST SONG YET! Louis Tomlinson’s songwriting is supreme, but watch this space, the best is yet to come…

Yes, according to our Donny King, when asked what the best song he has written in his lifetime is, Louis answered “Haven’t written it yet”. Considering the quality of music Louis has already put out to brighten our world, plus the other songs that never made it to Walls (he wrote over 100 songs!), we’re not sure how we’ll survive when he does write it!

Contenders For The Title

Louis may not think he has written his best song yet, but we’re pretty sure there are some strong contenders for the title! Here is our ranking of the 6 best songs Louis Tomlinson has ever written! We had to stop ourselves from doing 28… what can we say? We’re simps.

6. ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’

Louis shared that this is one of the songs he is really proud of, for its lyrics and music. During his exclusive chat with LA On Air for 96.5 TDY last year, Lou said while chatting about ‘DLIBYH’: “… across the whole song, that’s something I’m proud of musically in particular. The lyrics are really strong, I mean, that’s always me thing anyway, but I’m really happy with the music…” You’re right Louis, the lyrics really are your thing. Talking about the inspiration for the song, Lou explained “It’s about trying to find hope wherever you can”, and for so many of us, we found hope in that song, and of course, just in Louis. Life really does get hard and get messed up, but for many of us Louie’s, this song makes us feel stronger.

It is beautiful, hopeful, and honest lyricism, and that’s why ‘DLIBYH’ has to be in THP HQ’s list of Louis’ best songwriting! 

5. ‘Two Of Us’

I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Do we even need to explain this one? ‘Two Of Us’ is one of the most moving, raw, and emotional songs we have ever heard. In honor and loving memory of Louis’ beautiful Mum Jay, this song and its lyrics feel like seeing into Louis’ heart, and Louis’ ability to do that through music, is unprecedented in our opinion. It has such vulnerable strength and honesty, and Lou’s songwriting here, allowed him to vocalize his pain, but also, it allowed us as fans to mourn in our own way too, and this is a truly special gift that Louis gave to the world. He promised her he’d do this, so all of this is all for Jay; and as fans, we will never forget that. Sleep tight Johannah.

Of course, we had to put ‘Two Of Us’ on our list of times that Louis Tomlinson has absolutely floored us with his songwriting talent.

4. ‘Home’

We can’t even verbalise to you, how much we struggled to pick which One Direction song to include here… he wrote so many! We went back and forth on 9 different songs, because as Louis Tomlinson said on Twitter in 2018, “if it’s by One Direction and it’s a banger I probably wrote on it”. In the end, our hearts belong to ‘Home’, because, putting it bluntly, it is the epitome of how we feel about 1D – they made it feel like home. ‘Home’ is a firm fan favorite because it connected with so many of us in so many ways. That was evident when the song won a Teen Choice Award in 2016, despite never being a single! Fans further celebrated the song, through a month-long fan project in 2016, which led to the song being added to 1D’s official Spotify playlist a month later!

Any song that can connect with us to that level, and make us feel so deeply that we still cry about it after 5+ years, absolutely demands a spot on our list of the best songs Louis has written.

3. ‘Only The Brave’

Say it with us: “It should have been longer!” The closing track of Louis’ debut album, is in our opinion, an absolute lyrical masterpiece. “It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray”…. Excuse me? Too many feelings. Nobody touch us. What an exquisite visual? Louis Tomlinson doesn’t just write songs, he is a storyteller. We will never understand how Louis managed to pack so much emotion, truth, and vulnerability, into a song of only 1 minute and 44 seconds; but we’ll also never stop thanking him for it. ‘Only The Brave’ has made such a giant footprint in this fandom, with a special mention going to so many LGBTQIA+ Louie’s (this writer included), for the comfort so many of us have found in this song. So many fans feel seen through this song regardless of the meaning or intention, because the honesty of an incredible song, is that people can take what they need from it. That, in our opinion, is Louis’ specialty, and it’s just really bloody important to us!

‘Only the Brave’ felt like a gift to fans, and its lyrics paint such vivid colors and visuals for so many fans. Of course, it’s on our list!

2. ‘Copy of a Copy of a Copy’

‘COACOAC’ is special. Yes, it’s the newest song we’ve heard, but we think it’s one of the best too! Once again, this song paints a picture so beautifully. In fact, we think if we gave Louie’s a canvas and a paintbrush, we could all draw what ‘COACOAC’ looks like!  Debuted during Louis’ live stream concert in December 2020 (which we still haven’t recovered from by the way), this song casts shadows and shines light. “I can hear you, howling ’til your lungs hurt, so let this be your comfort, you’re not the only one.” It’s dark, yet hopeful, and experienced yet vulnerable. We think it’s one of the most thought-provoking songs Louis has shared with us, and in seconds, it became a fan favorite. ‘COACOAC’ is a testament to Louis’ insightful songwriting, and stylistically, its alternative vibe makes us weak with anticipation for the future of Louis’ journey with song-writing. We at THP HQ, can’t wait to scream it with you all at a Louis concert, once life makes sense again.

‘COACOAC’ has cemented its place as one of Louis Tomlinson’s best songwriting masterpieces; and has launched itself to number 2 on our list!

1. ‘Defenceless’  

Oh, ‘Defenceless’, what can we say about you? You’re our number one. There is one lyric in particular, that just cannot be competed with, and which has confirmed ‘Defenceless’ as our pick for the best song Louis has ever written. “We’re sleeping on our problems like we’ll solve them in our dreams. Wake up early morning and they’re still under the sheets”. Like, seriously? Come on, that isn’t just songwriting, that is poetry, it’s art. We dare to say, it may be one of the best lyrics in music. Ever. The brainpower of this man! ‘Defenceless’ stole the hearts and minds of Louie’s across the world, as it should. The ‘Defenceless’ project, which started online in February 2021, confirmed the magnitude of this song. It brought fans together from across the globe (much like the ‘No Control’ Project back in 2015). We saw #LouiesOnOmegle spread the word of this monumental song to strangers, and Louie’s storm global radio stations to play the track. Not only is ‘Defenceless’ lyrically, melodically, and sonically world-class, but the way it united fans; was magnificent.

This song affirms Louis Tomlinson, as one of the best songwriters of a generation, and it’s going smack-bang at the top of our list, of the best songs Louis has ever written.

25.3.2021

[dailytomlinson]

Zayn channelled R&B, Harry went full-on rock, Niall found his sound in folkish-country pop and Liam just went all over the place. And on January 31st, 2020, Louis Tomlinson became the final member of One Direction to finally release a debut album. I have to say, it was well worth the wait.

Having been through quite a few downs in the last few years (losing both his mother and sister), Tomlinson has packed quite a lot of emotion into this heavily Oasis-inspired album. And you can tell.

This album is sort of like him looking back at the glory days of One Direction with a fond reminisce, while also forging a new path (or should I say, direction) with a sound he seems to have found a new home in.

There are some songs on this album, like “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart” and “Perfect Now,” which will take you straight back to One Direction’s glory days. He channels the pop singer in him, the part that thrived with the global sensation that was the band, and it definitely carries that bittersweet nostalgia that every 1D fan can associate themselves with (I certainly could). The other part channels the new sound Tomlinson is headed towards: old school Britpop, with a heavy Oasis influence.

Here is a track by track analysis of the album:

KILL MY MIND

Right off the bat, the heavy Britpop vibes can be heard. It’s very different from the kind of music Tomlinson has made in the past, and it kind of gives you an idea as to what direction he is about to go in musically.

As Louis has said in his track by track analysis for Apple Music, “This was a statement of intent. This is where I want to be, this is where I want to move into.” He navigates this song with a sort of swagger that is enhanced by the strong guitar riffs in the background. The northern English accent is prominent in this track and overall, this whole song is very British. And it is definitely a fun and exciting way to kick off this album.

DON’T LET IT BREAK YOUR HEART

This is what I’m talking about when I say he also touched on his One Direction roots. The chorus of this song will instantly remind you of a 1D song. It could easily fit into FOUR or Made in the A.M. Tomlinson has acknowledged that this is definitely right up the band’s alley and says that “it’s just one of those songs that’s trying to promote hope regardless of what life throws at you.” And it is definitely a nice song to be humming along to, and for all the 1D fans out there, it adds for a great nostalgia factor.

TWO OF US

This is definitely one of the most emotional songs on the album. Written by Tomlinson for his mother, who tragically passed away a few years ago, it will tug at your heartstrings and maybe get you to shed a few tears along the way. Tomlinson has said that he “wasn’t ready to write the song” but it is definitely “the most special song I’ve ever written”.

When he released this song a few months ago as a single, he said in a statement, “I just feel like musically, I almost needed to get this song off my chest. People say writing is a part of therapy and in a way, I feel like I’d been avoiding writing this song because I knew I only had one chance to get it right. I don’t mean to be too soppy about it, but if ‘Two of Us’ can help just one other person who’s going through the tough time that I went through, then that would make me really happy.”

It is a very raw tribute. Louis has sung his fair share of ballads in the past, but this is definitely his most emotional and personal one yet if the lyrics “You’ll never know how much I miss you / The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead,” are anything to go by. It is truly a beautiful way to remember his mother, who I’m sure would be very proud.

WE MADE IT

This song was also released as a single, and while it’s not one of my favourites, but it’s a good song nonetheless. The song is very road trippy, and the meaning is pretty straightforward: we went through some pretty difficult times, but we made it.

The lyrics tell a story of him looking back at his past and acknowledging all the good and bad times. The song proclaims that we — as in Tomlinson and his fans — made it ’till the end. It is in a similar vein to One Direction’s “History,” which is also like a tribute to the fans of the band.

TOO YOUNG

This is one of my favourites from the album. If you want a sweet but sad little song, this is it. It seems like Tomlinson is singing about being young and reckless, as well as finding someone he would possibly want to spend the rest of his life with. However, it’s too much responsibility for a teenager to comprehend.

In other words, they were too young. (Hence the song title.) It is kind of like an apology to the girl he loves, asking her to forgive him for the stupid mistakes he made because he was “too young” to figure out what all of it means.

Its a beautiful, stripped-down song, with just Tomlinson’s beautifully unique voice powering through some soft acoustic guitar in the background. It is a pretty honest song, as Tomlinson puts it, “We all made mistakes when we were younger, and I just wanted to capture that idea of true honesty.” “Too Young” is the kind of song you’d listen to with a reluctant smile on your face, somewhere between forgiveness and acknowledgment.

WALLS

The title track of the album. Again, very Oasis, but also very different at the same time. Another taste of the new path Tomlinson has forged. I say Oasis because he literally lifted elements from 3 Oasis songs to put on this track, while also giving Noel Gallagher credit as a lyricist and composer. The live guitar riffs add a really fun edge to the otherwise kind of emotional song. Not my favourite in the bunch, but it certainly is a good song to belt out on a road trip.

HABIT

This is also one of the songs I really loved. I feel like this is Tomlinson at his best — when he’s just being himself. It is very festival-esque, in a way. Emotionally deep with subtle instrumentation to back it up, this song has quite a storytelling vibe to it.

The music immediately makes you want to nod your head along to it, and it is very lively and spring-y. It’s emotional, but at the same time, it makes you want to skip along the sidewalk on a nice sunny day. Or sing it along with your friends at a campfire and Louis’ extremely unique voice just elevates it.

It also has an Easter egg from the One Direction days, according to Louis, “There’s a line about the place that we all grew up with in the band, and that was an apartment complex called Princess Park. It’s like an Easter egg for the fans, I’m sure they’ll like that.”

ALWAYS YOU

Definitely an instant favourite of mine — and packed with a lot of emotion. The music is very skip-in-the-step and upbeat so it doesn’t seem like it, but the lyrics are extremely meaningful. The moment the song begins, it instantly brings a fond smile to your face. It is clearly about a man travelling all over the world but always coming back to you — because its always been you.

Yes, it’s that love song. That happy, comforting, good-natured song that is just about that one girl who has captured his heart that he always comes back to.

As Louis puts it, “It’s very autobiographical, me making that realisation that its always been that one person, that no matter where you are and what you see, you miss that one person.”

It makes you feel content, and it makes you feel like you’re home, and it just makes you very happy as you listen to it. “Always You” has some beautiful harmonies and generously shows off Tomlinson’s vocal range, and is easily one of the best songs on this album.

FEARLESS

This one is a belter — and Tomlinson really doesn’t hold back. It is a ballad, something Louis really knows how to do well. Tomlinson really lets go in this song, reaching for those high notes and successfully hitting them, while also trying to capture what it felt like to truly be young, to be fearless.

“Tell me, do you still remember feeling young?” That is what he is asking of us, as he navigates through what it felt like for him and remembering his own youth, reminiscing with fondness.

It is a bittersweet feeling, and it is quite evident as you listen to the song. It is very raw and nostalgic in a way as it will definitely make you go through a trip down your memory lane, as you try to answer his question.

PERFECT NOW

This song is very One Direction. It is in a similar vein as the band’s highly successful ballad “Little Things.” According to Tomlinson, “it’s kind of an extension to “What Makes You Beautiful,” the band’s first single.”

This is his way of telling the world that he absolutely loves the band and wanted a song on the album that reflects his love for it. This song is very simple and stripped down. It tells a story about a girl being beautiful despite her insecurities.

He also mentions not fitting into your jeans, à la “Little Things,” but it works. It’s not my absolute favourite, but it is a cute song nonetheless.

DEFENCELESS

Defenceless is a song I really like. It starts off quite unassuming and doesn’t really catch you, but as the song builds, and the beat drops, and Tomlinson belts out those high notes, you’re hooked right in. The harmonies and background music add a lovely touch to this song, and the bridge is really beautiful.

No, really, the composition in this song is stunning. It’s hard to describe but it kind of is like a comforting happy melody, like something that can easily be used in a video montage. The music just makes you feel really happy, like basking in the sun on a warm spring day.

The song is basically about being vulnerable and experiencing many different feelings: ��One day you might be feeling great, youthful and amazing, and the next day you might be feeling a bit down in the dumps.” And that is being defenceless (against your feelings).

ONLY THE BRAVE

This song is the last and the shortest track on the album, and it’s wildly different from the rest. It is a song about what it takes to stand on your own and is the perfect way to round off a very emotional album.

It is very soft and quiet and has a retro vibe to it. The way the end drops off leaves you thinking about everything you just listened to and the lyrics are extremely beautiful with lines like “It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray” and “It’s a solo show and it’s only for the brave.”

This song will bring a small smile to your face, and it just seems like a classic, like going back in time. And having a song about what it is like to tear the walls down and stand on your own is probably the best way to end an album that is very aptly titled Walls and “Only the Brave” does exactly that.

FINAL VERDICT

Walls as a whole is a pretty impressive debut. It is a cohesive body of work. This has definitely laid a foundation for the kind of music we can expect from Louis Tomlinson.

Although he doesn’t really experiment a lot like some of his other bandmates, Tomlinson sticks to what he knows. He also shows us what he loves in his sound, and it works for him. I have always thought that he has an extremely unique and soothing voice, and this album has utilised it beautifully.

Walls is one of those albums that could over the years easily become a staple classic. It is very emotionally packed, and it seems like the kind of album you can fall back on a few years down the line to find some familiarity and homeliness — like an old friend.

You can definitely see the ambition. Perhaps Louis isn’t taking too many risks here is because this album is more like a reflection of his past. He’s working on tearing those walls down to become a whole new person. Along the way, he adds hints of the kind of sound he’s headed towards.

This album is a foundation for something new and exciting. We don’t quite know who he really is yet musically, but it is definitely a promise for some exciting things to come, and something tells me, for Tomlinson, this is only the beginning

[oookaline]

Miss You - Lyric Analysis

by me because im bored.

yet again because whats more fun than going over lyrics for the 2736843th time? Absolutely nothing! and if you thought of something, you're lying to youself

So, miss you was a song released in the 8th of December 2017.

Some backstory before.

ObViOusLy, the whole babygate thing, add a lil cherry on top with the Elk split up (23rd march 2015 - 2 weeks prior) and them getting back toguether in 2017 (17 Feb). All of this aswell as Danielle and Brenda in the middle of it.

K with all the smol context under us we can already look around and see that just by the title 'Miss You' people had speculated it was for Eleanor, and since Louis said :

I wrote this song about a time in my life when I was going out partying every night. In hindsight throughout that time I was pretty numb and just going through the motions. Deep down it was always in the back of my mind that what I really missed was the girl that I loved

which obviously links the song to two occurences:

Babygate: 'was going out partying every night' (since we know for a fact he literally went partying every week)

The split up from Elk

but the thing is right- lmao Danielle just danielled away. No mention whatsoever.

This, all of this, and JUsT that quote that Louis gave us already destroyed like- half the narrative of 'Really good friends w an oops baby' and (obviously) just tarnishes yet again the 'engagement' route they were going to take. BUT IT ALSO leaves Danielle behind as if she didn't even exist!!

Which by the way things look, she might not've anygays.

The music video was made in LA

which again (If I could I would literally kiss louis brain) links it to Babygate.

Now the lyrics

verse 1:

"Is it my imagination?

Is it something that I’m taking?

All the smiles that I’m faking

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”"

Obviously we can literally hear the sarcasm on the last two lines. 'All the fake smiles' reffering to all the pap pics he did while the lead up to the Holy Conception. Aswell that him reffering to the scene as 'imagination' or 'something that he's taking' could emphasize that its so bad, so unreal that he thinks its a joke and that he's either too drunk or thinking it.

Going out every weekend

Staring at the stars on the ceiling

Hollywood friends, gotta see them

Such a good time

I believe it this time

Again, him reffering to him being papped every week on a club with the first line, the 'stars on the' ceiling reffering to the lights in night clubs, 'Holywood Friends' reffering to Annas, and specially reffering to Snoop Dog and his launch party, which was when this picture happened:

pre chorus:

Tuesday night

Glazed over eyes

Just one more pint or five

Does it even matter anyway?

One of the fucking smartest lines in my opinion, him reffering to tuesday. Which is him reffering to the day the first article of him being out partying came out:

The next are him reffering to what always happened; drinking and feeling shit. 'does it even matter anyways' is his subcontious trying to tell him to give in and just do what they wanted him to do, saying that it doesn't even matter because either way the end will be shit (and bla bla bla, but again, its his subcontious. not him.)

chorus:

We’re dancing on tables

And I’m off my face

With all of my people

And it couldn’t get better they say

the first two lines are ofc reffering to the feeling of being drunk, 'dancing on tables' and 'of your face' are ohrases people use to refer to drunken states. The 'people' Louis is reffering to is his escorts; people paayed to carry out what is supposed to happen that night (bodyguards, pr managers, paps, in cases the girls aswell he appears papped with), and the line 'couldn't get better they say' has both the connotation of this being the LA dream, of always partying, knocking chicks up, drinking to your hearts desire- aswell as having the connotation of 'his people' telling him it will not get better, so don't try to oppose it. (which links back to the previous verse 'does it even matter anyway')

We’re singing 'til last call

And it’s all out of tune

Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong

And it hits me when the lights go on

Shit, maybe I miss you

'singing til last call' refers to how late he spent in the clubs and 'out of tune' suggest again the drunk state. 'Should be laughing but there's something wrong' is again, elluding to that LA dream partying state that should've been what he was feeling, since that's what the media said. The 'lights go on' is reffering to the paps, when they take pictures (and obviously the miss you is talking about eleanor because he'd much rather stunt with her than be here lmao ) And yes, the miss you is reffering to Harry.

There doesn't have to be a reason and obviously it could also be a stunt line in the song- but let me explain what I think: We can see Louis' state by the end of the paps shoots, how he slowly just becomes VERY tired towards the last few ones. And keep in mind he was also touring with 1D WHILE HE PARTIED. Which meant it was Show-Party-Show-Party with things thrown between it aswell. Giving close to little time to spend w Harry.

(Pretty sure that's not at all what happened, its just what I think- it was such a fucking busy thing, I'd not be surprised if they both were stressed and not having enough 1-1 time)

Verse 2:

Just like that and I’m sober

I’m asking myself, “Is it over?”

Maybe I was lying when I told you

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”

First line reffering to how in the morning, next day of partying, he was again sober- for the shows- and him asking 'is it over' refers to how he just wanted it to be over with, all the patying and paps.

The two last lines could signify him talking to someone about his life- I'd say that the 'you' here does not mean Harry- but someone else- them asking "How's your life going" and then him going "Great Great, yeah- fookin great ykwim"

something along the lines of that you get me.

And all of these thoughts and the feelings

Chase you down if you don’t need them

I’ve been checking my phone all evening

Such a good time

I believe it this time

the first and second lines here are again, Louis talking about his subcontious; that 'this will turn on us' reffering to him and Harry. About a (probable) fear that this will make a strain in their relationship and stuff.

(a/n: kind of like how a lot of shippers unlarried while babygate was happening because 'louis couldn't cheat' or how a lot of shippers say they broke up during that time because 'Harry couldn't take the stress' and stuff)

Im not saying they broke up not that he cheated. What I'm saying is that there was a fear that this would make them break up- he says 'chase you down' which has the animalification of the wolves chasing down the pray to kill them etc.

Bridge:

Now I’m asking my friends how to say “I’m sorry”

They say “Lad, give it time, there’s no need to worry”

And we can’t even be on the phone now

And I can’t even be with you alone now

the first line links to what I said about Louis' subconcious; this would be that constant need to say 'I am sorry' for something that isn't his fault or something that he can't control, and then the second line goes on to say that he doesn't have to worry because, again, its not his fault and Harry undertands that.

Now the 'We can't even be on the phone now, I can't even be with you alone now' refers to their public appearance, on how other than that Paris interview there are no other interviews with just them two, on how we didn't get a Larry hour on 1Dday... It refers to them literally being unable to say anything to each other because of management.

Oh, how shit changes

We were in love, now we’re strangers

I WANT TO ALIENATE THESE TWO LINES BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING LOUT IT IS.

this one links ti the last two of the previous, again on their public image (His and Harry's) about how they were once in love (fetus) but now they're strangers (the mortal enemies narrative)

When I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away

Get another two shots 'cause it doesn’t matter anyway

And to top off these last two lines of the bridge is him linking all of this back to the start of the song: 'is it my imagination, is it something that I'm taking' with 'when I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away'; when the thoughts that this is all fake and once he wakes up or stop imagining its all going to be better (aswell as with the connotation of over partying and vomiting) but at the same time him making himself stop those thoughts because he knows this is reality. And then round back again with the repetition of 'doesn't matter anyways' with it feeling like a dead end to him.

[mercurial-madhouse]

I feel so honoured to be tagged by @littleroverlouis to talk more about Louis! Even though I wrote a 176k word fic of what boils down to Louis-worship, how could I pass up the chance to talk about him even more?

When did you become a Louie? About six months ago! 

Why did you become a Louie? Seems a bit impossible not to become a Louie once you find out he exists, no? Just because he’s like Atlas supporting the whole world on his shoulders doesn’t mean the world can’t say thank you right back one voice at a time.

One thing that drew you in specifically? This question seems wildly unfair, because unlike the 1D song, Louis doesn’t have just that ‘one thing’ now does he. I guess I’d have to say his heart.  In any footage, his heart is just so on display to me.  Whether it’s keeping an eye on the other lads (re: singing for Harry during Ready To Run in South Africa because he noticed Harry was running out of breath which is my favorite tour moment ever) or turning attention on himself/answering questions when it seemed the other lads were getting a bit overwhelmed or didn’t want to, or listening to all of them during live shows and motioning to the sound techs to ensure they’re all heard, or writing 1D songs that will resonate with all of them?  I just always feel like his focus is outward and he’s so attuned to those he cares about, that nearly every thing he does is because of just how beautifully big his heart is.  And don’t even get me started with his philanthropy.  I can’t get enough.  I’d say that’s what drew me in.

Favorite song on Walls? The correct answer to this question is “Yes.” But alright. Fine. If I must choose, the writer in me absolutely loses it over Only the Brave.  Lyrically it’s beautiful and stylistically it’s exactly what the title says.  It takes an incredibly talented and confident artist to buck the conventions of normal songs and end with such a masterpiece.  Louis can’t be fit into any boxes and he always makes sure he never will be and that song just finishes such an incredible album with that same uplifting challenge to the world.  The “perfect blend of casual daredevil” as he’s described at one point in my fic.

Who would you want Louis to collab with? Himself.  I need an album of just his voice for every 1D album in existence that does NOT in any way have enough of his voice.  The universe needs balance, people. Balance!

Favorite hairstyle? Yes again. I don’t know all the different eras all that well, but I think my favorite is when he’s let it grow out a bit and it’s got that ‘devil may care’ messiness to it?  (The ‘favorite Louis photo’ question down below has the style I’m describing.)

Back to you, just hold on, or miss you? Yes. But I suppose if I have to be picky, I’d say Just Hold On.  His voice is killer (as usual) but showcased so incredibly well on that track and the message is brilliant too.

Louis in suits or sweaters? Yes. We all know he looks incredible in anything, but again, if I really have to choose, I’d say sweaters. Every time he wears a suit it’s more because he has to rather than chooses to. Don’t get me wrong, the 2014 AMAs suit blows all suits out of the water, but Louis’s got that special talent of being able to wear a big, comfy, cozy sweater and STILL look badass.  I don’t know many (read: any) people who can pull that off.  That’s talent.

Favorite tattoo? I probably don’t even know all of his tattoos.  But I am a writer so in the end there’s a special resonance for me with his little quote marks tattoo.  That there’s nothing between them is brilliant too.  Gives me the vibes of “I’ve got something to say” and “I’m not done speaking my mind yet.”  And I love that.

Favorite Louis photo (currently)? I’m so new that I don’t really have many photos of him on my radar, but I used this one a lot for reference when writing my fic, so maybe this one? He’s just unreal and this photo honestly makes me question whether he truly exists or not. Just look at him! 

But I’m also incredibly partial to his smile and the utter joy he radiates when he’s smiling, so I’d have to put at least one of those in.  I won’t put my avatar because that’s obviously a favorite, but this one is glorious.

Random extra? I don’t think I’ve ever come across someone, celebrity or otherwise, as strong as Louis is.   He’s so completely solid and grounded in who he is, paving the way for all of us to do the same and showing that it’s possible to do even with the eyes of millions always on you.

“There is something indestructible about the line of Louis’s shoulders, like if Harry or the other three ever needed it, without a second thought Louis could and would take on anyone, anything, anytime, anywhere, and win.”  

I feel like he’d do that for just about anyone though, like the world has this fireball sitting in our back pocket, a secret protective weapon so that we can go out there and be ourselves 100% and know that we’ll be alright.

There’s absolutely a reason this took me two days to complete! Please show me your favorite Louis pics because I’m definitely lacking in that department!

I shall now pass this impossibly-difficult torch to @sunshineandthemoonlight, @louloubabys1992, @lourrydearest @dimplebabybox and @louhazpride​ and honestly (before I just tag everyone following me who would actually see this) anyone else who is willing to tag me so I can see it if you do this too!

[talkfastcal]

you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to 🎵🎶

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

Thank you for tagging me! @i-like-5sos

1. Long Way Home - 5SOS: Oh! I haven’t heard this song in awhile. This is one of my favorites from self titled (although I will always prefer the acoustic version) I still remember when they changed the lyrics to “white snake on the radio” during my ROWYSO show. My favorite lyric is “so we’re taking the long way home cause I don’t wanna be wasting my time alone”

2. Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga: I remember the first time I heard this being 11 years old and shocked LMAO if I’m being real honest I love the beat (AND THE BASS) of this song. ALSO the chorus “I WONT CRY FOR YOU” is so GOOD

3. Not Warriors - Waterparks: y’all are in for a TREAT THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WATERPARKS SONGS. I cannot just listen to this song just once. It’s always at least 3 times and it’s ALWAYS blasting (and yes I did replay it 3 times and blast it through my headphones while typing this) When the beat drops and “THERES NOTHING IN MY SYSTEM SO IM FEELING WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU” so POWERFUL!!!! My favorite lyric is “but hey for what it’s worth I think you saved my life”

4. Best Song Ever - One Direction: I still refuse to believe this song is about sex LMAO this is such a fun song to dance to though I love it. My favorite part is Niall’s solo “I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams”

5. Strong - One Direction: OH! FUCK! MY FAVORITE ONE DIRECTION SONG DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH THE CHORUS “IM SORRY IF I SAY I NEED YOU” I CANT I CANT. If you have not heard them acapella sing this do me a favor and go listen ITS SO GOOD ALSO! Zayn’s high note. My favorite lyric is ofc Louis’ solo “think of how much love that’s been wasted people always trying to escape it move on to stop their heart breaking but there’s nothing I’m running from, you make me strong”

6. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low: YES I LOVE THIS SONG I LOVE THIS ALBUM I LOVE THE MEANING OF THE SONG I’m not joking when I say that I found this song and this band during the hardest time in my life and this song just really hit me hard. My favorite lyric is “beautiful scars on critical veins” AND the firework pop towards the end!!!!

7. Olivia - One Direction: I will admit this song has grown on me big time post hiatus (also the fact that now I’m not hiding my sexuality from myself I can freely listen to this song without feeling ashamed) I! Love! This! Song! It’s such a cute love song!! My favorite lyric is “the summertime butterflies all belong to your creation”

8. I Love You 5 - Never Shout Never: another band I was obsessed with back in 2015 I haven’t listened to this song in awhile!! I remember loving this song though and using it everywhere. I also like in the beginning he says “I love you one a two a three shoobe-doo I love you four that’s more than I can afford”

9. Only Angel - Harry Styles: idk not much to say about this Harry song it’s not in my top 5 but it’s a good song! I like listening to it but it’s just not my favorite. My favorite lyric is “open up your eyes shut your mouth and see that I’m still the only one who’s been in love with me”

10. Viva La Vida - Coldplay: no one: - me: AHHHHHHHHH literally this song will never be the same ever since 1d performed it on xfactor. Idk what to say about this song other than the fact that I like it??? I also like 1D’s cover of it??? Yea cool. My favorite lyric is “Never an honest word but that was when I ruled the world”

11. Glitter & Crimson - All Time Low: this song has definitely grown on me since the release of wake up sunshine. ALSO THE BRIDGE! My favorite lyric is “lets start lets start a riot hard to sit still when your head’s on fire”

12. (Love Will) Turn Back The Hands Of Time - Grease 2: don’t clown me y’all but this movie and soundtrack are a guilty pleasure. I love the original grease BUT grease 2!! It’s such a stupid movie but the soundtrack is fantastic. Anyways this song is another guilty pleasure LMAO I love the whole song so I’m not picking a “favorite lyric”

13. Savior - Rise Against: OH!!!! OH!!! THIS SONG RIGHT HERE!!!! fun fact: the first time I actually heard this song was when I watched a video of someone on YouTube burning her littlest pet shops because a trade went wrong and she got scammed so she took her anger out on that. I literally forgot about this song until one day I heard it in my junior year literature class and had major deja vu. Okay anyways I love this song LMAO my favorite part is the chorus “that’s when she said I don’t hate you boy I just want to save you while there’s still something left to save. That’s when I told her I love you girl but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have WOAH OH OH WOAH OH OHHH”

14. National Anthem - DE’WAYNE: okay THIS SONG it’s so good and it describes what it’s like growing up in America as a POC. I don’t wanna say too much about it since I’m not a POC so I know I will never fully understand the song because of my privilege but I appreciate the fuck out of this. I love the entire song I don’t have a favorite lyric

15. Your Love - Nicki Minaj: I miss this Nicki Minaj. UM not much to say about this song either??? It’s a good song and I like it?! My favorite part is the chorus OH and the outro I love it

16. Just Dance - Lady Gaga: another pop classic from my childhood alright I MEAN ITS JUST DANCE?! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SONG??? ALSO THIS LADY GAGA?! Don’t get me wrong I love the lady Gaga we have now BUT THIS ONE WILL ALWAYS BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY CHILDHOOD AND PRETEEN YEARS. I remember feeling like a badass singing this song when I was 10 years old LMAO I don’t have a favorite lyric I love the whole thing it’s a bop

17. Dear Patience - Niall Horan: Oh!! One of my favorites from Heartbreak Weather. His voice in this song is just so beautiful ugh yes. I absolutely love the chorus of this. My favorite lyric is “feels like you don’t even know me just me and the stars can get lonely”

18. San Francisco - 5sos: OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG ITS IN MY TOP 3 FROM SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD. I hardly see anyone appreciate this song so I’m here to tell y’all: ITS A GOOD SONG?!?! have y’all listened to the live version AS WELL!!!! masterpiece. This song makes me happy especially the guitar at the beginning. My favorite lyric is “reminds me of when we were free I swear that it’s still haunting me” BUT! I do love that pre-chorus

19. They All Float - Waterparks: NICE a song from their first EP okay but I love this song it’s much heavier compared to what they sing now and that’s what I like about it. My favorite part is THE BRIDGE!!! “this is the part where you cut your losses this is the part where you get a job this is the part where you settle for less just like you never wanted to”

20. We made it finally Adrenaline - Simple Creatures: OH MY GOD THIS SONG LISTEN this is the first song I listened to from this band (which btw if y’all didn’t know is made up of Alex Gaskarth from ATL and Mark Hoppus from Blink-182) I mean while it’s more pop (which is what their intention is) ITS STILL A GOOD BAND!!! ESPECIALLY THIS SONG!! ITS SO GOOD DAMN I love the music video omfg. I’m just a sucker for dance choreography since I grew up surrounded by dance (I did competitive dance for a couple of years and my sister was a competitive dancer until she graduated) okay enough about me this song is so damn good I can’t stop saying that alright! My favorite lyric “I think we’re failin to connect you don’t what you do to me do to me do to me” and I LOVE THE CHORUS

This was fun!!! And it took me forever LMAO I’m not tagging 10 people but I’ll tag some

@louhazzabeingloudandloud @28-oops-hi @devilatmydoor @glitter-cal and anyone else who wants to do this!! 💜

[emotionally-imbruised]

Mutuals as fave bands? 🤔

Alright, so you sent this to a gal who has a BIG appreciation for classic rock bands (mainly because my parents were huge stoners when they were younger and it was all they ever played as I was growing up) so not only am I gonna struggle with choosing any bands that aren’t classic rock... ok or pop punk, but MAKING ME NARROW THEM DOWN AND CHOOSE A MUTUAL I LOVE V MUCH FOR IT TO GO WITH AND WHY IS JUST PLAIN MEAN. I absolutely adore all of my mutuals, but here are some I was easily able to choose a band for, and in no particular order. (I tried ok and I'll attempt to spice it up with the bands)

Eagles; A band I can listen to and be completely unfazed by just how much I listen to them (which is a lot). There is a certain easygoing vibe that surrounds their music that you can easily get lost in, and it’s honestly the best feeling. So I’m giving them to my bug @smokeinherperfume. As someone I've very often freaked out with over music (we still gotta make our Spotify playlist of songs we think Harry should cover), Nora just get’s it. She has a similar easy going, laid back vibe about her in the best possible way, and is one of the best people to talk to about literally anything. She’s very mellow and calming, just like Eagles sound and she’s just pretty freaking great in all aspects. A song for her would be Hotel California.

Fleetwood Mac; One of my all time favourites ever. Some of my fondest memories include my dad blaring them when I was a kid at the most random of times and that’s always just stuck with me. Whether it be during a car ride, or in the kitchen as he attempted to get me and my brother ready for the day when all we wanted to do was dance around to the music, I’ve always associated Fleetwood Mac’s music as this source of happiness and positiveness even in the darkest of times, and for that I'm gonna have to say they’re my love, @always-jackedup. Sarah is that feeling of happiness and positiveness combined into a person. The warmth and genuineness that radiates from her is contagious and just makes this world a better place as she continuously rooting for you and cheering you on, and I know my life would be so much duller without her in it as it would be without this band. Her song would be Go Your Own Way.

Coldplay; For any of you that know me really well, you know how I hold Coldplay very near and dear to my heart. You're lying if you say Chris Martin isn't a man who can work literal magic, ok? Don’t fight me on this. There’s just something I feel when listening to this band that is so inexplicably amazing, and I know Coldplay isn’t a band for everyone... but they’re a band that’s always been there. I can be in any mood and there’s always a Coldplay song I can connect with that in some way makes me feel better. I mean, there’s a reason I have one of their song titles tattooed onto my arm, alright. So this one is going to my bby @theasstour. One of the most easy going people I know, but also one who has that fun and calming vibe to them that isn't meant to be taken seriously. For that, I think Nora fits Coldplay perfectly. She’s someone who can effortlessly brighten up anyones day and is just all around amazing. Her song is Charlie Brown.

Blink-182; Woo boy, where do I even start with them. Legen freaking dary that’s for damn sure. Blink is fun, upbeat and just one of those bands I always want to be able to listen to despite them reminding me greatly of my awkward teenage angst faze even though they were popular when I was definitely not a teenager. If I'm able to DJ during a car ride or a party, you best believe I'm throwing on some Blink because I forever get an amped up mood from them and it’s just the best. They’re timeless and for that, I'm gonna say the amazing @writingsfromlee​ is a good choice from them. Lee is one of the funnest, sweetest, hilarious people I have met with her amazing clap-backs, genuine excitement, and just all around greatness. She get’s excited with me over the little things, but a lot of the time those small things seem to have huge impacts and she helps me realize that and just how significant they are. Her song is First Date.

Portugal. The Man; A very underrated band in my opinion. They’re different, unique and have this distinctive sound that is so appealing and so easy to listen to. I can listen to Portugal. The Man for hours on end because it doesn't sound like I'm listening to the same thing over and over again. They spice things up and do it so well, I can only see them to fit my babe @foreverhlessed​. Heli is someone who's picture will show up under the definition of unique. She's always doing her own thing, and always looks fantastic while doing it. Someone who definitely stands out of the crowd in the best way. Her song is Modern Jesus.

Led Zeppelin; Hands down, another all time favourite. Another band that I also hold very near and dear to my heart, and just so happen to be getting a tattoo for as well (lmaoooo). This band was my parents band and just happened to get passed down to me. One of Zeppelin’s songs was their wedding song, and lyrics from that same song are engraved onto my mom’s grave. (THIS ISN’T MEANT TO MAKE ANYONE SAD PLS BARE WITH ME) It’s easy to say this band was very significant to them, and it has also become the same for me. I listen to Zeppelin when I need to mellow out. I don't know why but listening to them calms me down, and just allows me to chill tf out (yes I'm usually baked when I listen to them on repeat but whatever, leave me alone). But for them, I’m gonna say the lovely @harryonstage​. AJ is literally one of the coolest people I have ever met. An extraordinary being she is and just so happens to give off the same chill vibe I get by listening to this band. Also being the woman who wrote my soulmate Plugrry, how could I not give her my favourite band to listen to when I'm stoned as hell? Her song is D’yer Mak’er.

Queen; I can pretty well guarantee you already know who’s getting this one. It’s nearly impossible to listen to Queen and not want to belt out every freaking word. Queen is fun, upbeat, timeless, and just so amazingly iconic there are just no words. The person who embodies Queen perfectly to me is @isitstraightvodka​. Liv gives off the same positive feeling, light and fun that Freddie, Brian, Roger and John put into every song. I’m always put in a good when I’m listening to them, and it’s the exact same thing that happens whenever I talk to Liv. Her song is Somebody To Love.

One Direction; I couldn’t not put them ok. We all know and love One Direction in this house, there’s no doubt about that. I love the boys solo more than anything, but I'd be lying if One Direction’s music wasn't something I used to and still listen to on pretty well a daily basis. One Direction was my favourite band all through high school (aka the worst years of my life) and although I wasn’t entirely invested in the fandom then, I'd be lying if I said they didn't mean a lot to me. The lucky person getting them is none other than @trulymadlysydney​. Syd is truly someone who lights up my world like nobody else (hehe) and no I’m not just saying that. One of the nicest, and funniest people I’ve ever met and one of my favourite Scorpio’s ever (it’s literally her and one other). My day always gets better whenever I’m talking to her about literally anything, and it’s just so similar to the happiness I feel whenever I listen to 1D. Her song is Drag Me Down.

Hi ILY all very much, god this took me forever and I'm stopping here because it’s 3am and although I have many other bands and mutuals I could go OFF about... I work in the morning so here she is

[jaerie]

11/11/11

I was tagged by @phd-mama and @allwaswell16 and @chloehl10 so this is more like 33/11/11 hahaha  I got a little carried away with this but I love answering stuff like this

Answer 11 questions, come up with 11 more, tag 11 people.

1. Tell me, do you like music on when you write?? 

No, I have to have silence.  Or, you know, normal household noises.  When I was in high school I listened to music with the tv on while doing my homework but now.... I think it’s moreso because I periodically close my eyes and visualize the scene or really throw myself into the character to get the emotions right and the music just takes away from that.  I also hear music in a really complex way which I won’t explain here because this is about writing, but yea, it’s too much stimulation

2. Are you someone who plots everything out before you write it?

Absolutely not.  I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve actually plotted something for a fic in this fandom.  I’m definitely a fly by the seat of my pants kind of writer.  I generally have somewhere the fic is going, but I usually let the characters steer so sometimes it vectors off someplace I never expected it to go.  That’s how so many of my better fics have gone.  I did have to plot out As We Were, As We Are extensively because wow complex precise true to life timelines, but that’s really the only one I’ve actually done a real one for. 

3. Do you write in chronological order?

Most of the time, yes.  Occassionally I’ll jump down and write or start a scene that either inspired the whole fic or that I want to get down before I forget it, but I usually write from start to finish.  

4. Do you like to eat while writing?

hahahahaha usually no.  But only because I’ll get distracted and like.... not write.... 

5. Is there a trope you love?

I am a sucker for fake/pretend relationships.  It’s so obviously one of the most predictable storylines but I’ll read every one of them.  I don’t know why.  The misunderstanding angst of it... I don’t know! 

6. Have you written it? (See 5)

I don’t... think so... Is that bad I don’t remember?  But I don’t think I have 

7. Is there a trope you hate?

I can’t really do the sugar baby/daddy scenario... there are a few cases where it’s worked but in general, no.  

8. Have you written it? (See 7)

I think there is a little bit of it in a couple maybe?  And someone asked me to write one that’s still in my maybe pile... so I might.  

9. Can you read your main ship with other pairings?

Depends.  Usually yes because if it’s a pairing I don’t like I just kind of generically gloss over it in my mind a bit?  Or imagine the same description but not that exact person?  But there aren’t really a lot of absolute nos for me and it’s usually related to me not like that PERSON rather than the ship (taylor swift for example, have to really speed through fics with her in parts BUT like I said, it’s easy for me to imagine a likeness that’s not HER specifically. Idk).  If it’s well written then it’s worth getting through it, if it’s not well written, I probably wouldn’t finish it anyway.  

10. What’s a solid NO GO for you?

I don’t have many and most of them even have exceptions so I don’t know what a solid no is until I see a tag that’s a solid no??  And they’re the usual general niche things?  (scat, watersports, idk those things)  Hardcore bdsm-type is a no for me (but there have been some exceptions).  MOST things that are nos for me like daddy kink, I can still read the fic, I just kind of... speed through those parts?  I don’t really have any actual triggers...  I don’t really read a lot of girl direction if they’re both girls.  Which is a weird complicated issue for me because I WRITE IT.  And there are some good ones out there that I have read but in general...?  idk it’s weird and probably has a lot to do with me being sdpofijapsdgjoidsjfosdj about words for vagina rather than it actually being girls.  But to be fair it took me years to be comfortable writing cock and dick without blushing and running off.  I don’t know, it’s something about reading it that it usually isn’t my first choice.  That was a long complicated answer just to say “not really”

11. Do you have a signature move, aka, let’s say for no particular reason, just because, coming in pants?

oh my god.  Yes.  Probably.  I can’t think off of the top of my head but I definitely find myself returning to the same phrasing or words or actions.  Especially when it comes to abo and knotting.  

1. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written, and why?

Sisterwives and As We Were, As We Are I think because they are the two I put the most into.  Plotting, planning, emotions, etc. 

2. Pick three words that you think describe your works overall.

Problematic (lol), intense/emotional, sexual. 

3. How long does it take you to write a fic?

Varies.  I’ve written 20k+ in 24 hours and I’ve written 5k in a month.  Really depends on what I’m working on and my emotional state of stress.  

4. What’s the hardest thing about writing?

For me?  Fluff and filler.  And English.  I’ve fallen into a pattern of writing that probably has a lot of errors in tense.  But... it is what it is.  

5. Do you listen to music or anything while you write? What’s normal for you when you write?

I answered this one in depth above 

6. How do you come up with titles for your fics?

I have this terrible thing where I just name a fic and run and then regret it and want to change it once it’s already posted hahahahaha There are a handful that I’ve named after Hanson lyrics just because I think it’s funny... but most of the time there is no rhyme or reason to it.  

7. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a new writer?

Just keep writing.  Because it’s easy to get discouraged about kudos and attention.  Kudos and attention does NOT equal quality.  It’s still something that I struggle with letting go, but as a new writer it’s more difficult not to see that as a failure.  But my first fics in this fandom still have some pretty low kudos counts and my fics in other fandoms have as few as FIVE kudos.  Five.  I think they’re great fics, but I’m just not as known in that fandom/there aren’t as many readers.  For example, I wrote this AWESOME Brokeback Mountain fic for the Hanson fandom and it has only 15 kudos.  

8.  How important do you think tags are when you are publishing a fic?

*gets up on soapbox* Tags are the most important part of publishing a fic.  I am a firm believer that anyone can write anything the want as long as it is properly tagged.  Proper tagging is the writer’s only responsibility to the reader.  If those are in place, what follows doesn’t have to be tailored to anyone.  

9. Do you write for fests/exchanges? If so, do you enjoy them? If not, why not?!

I have mixed feelings about this.  I used to write for both.  Now I exclusively write for fests and I’m selective about the ones I participate in.  Why?  Well for one, deadlines.  I’ve made the mistake too many times of overcommitting and then nothing felt right and I was stessed about it and just... not good.  As for exchanges... I’ve been burned in the past?  By dropouts and such?  Or by the giftee not liking or never reading the fic?  Or by me needing to drop out for mental health reasons but not because I was writing FOR someone?  I’ve done a handful of pinch hits since I swore off exchanges, but they’re too much anxiety for me personally.  (I have had some good experiences with exchanges though!! Not all of them were bad!!)

10. Which work of yours are you most proud of and why?

As We Were, As We Are..... because.... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FRICKIN RESEARCH I DID FOR THAT FIC!? ALL WHILE WRITING IT DURING NANO?!?!  I put soooooooo much into that fic that I’m sad it didn’t get much attention.  It was written for the Alex exchange so Harry is written as Alex so that’s probably why.  Some people have a big problem if fics aren’t written a certain way.  I don’t know.  I was really sad about that though.  I LIVED in WWII for months with that fic and it will always be special to me.  I’ve even thought about putting more work into into it to have it published somewhere.  I know it’s not like... classic 1D fic quality or whatever but I think the bones of it are strong enough.  I don’t know, I’m probably delusional. haha but I still like it

11. What’s next for you?

Oh man.  Well.  I said I was going to stop writing for this fandom.  But then this rush of support came in and then I started to feel really spiteful and thought that I’d keep going just because of that... and I feel like I’m only just now gaining a following for my fics that keeps me motivated enough to keep improving... soooo I’ve committed to a few fests coming out this fall.  I am also participating in Wordplay going on right now.  The first fic comes out tomorrow I think.  I also have some Sisterwives timestamps.  

1. What fic have you written that you wish everyone would read?

dunkirk fic and sisterwives probably 

2. What’s your favorite character you’ve ever written?

hahahahaha harry from one of my yet to be published sekret fics hahahahaha but I really love so many of them like shifter harry

3. What’s your most popular fic and why do you think it’s your most popular?

By Kudos?  Where Do We Go Now.  And I have no idea.  Because I always have to click to even remember which one it is.  And it was written so fast and I remember not liking where it went but just hit publish because it was a pinch hit... I honestly have no idea.  Someone please give me insight on this because i have no idea.  

4. What’s one of your favorite fan fics that you haven’t written?

I kind of answered this above but I’ll also say The Wilds because it wrote so fast.  I wrote the whole thing in under 24 hours

5. What is your current WIP about?

Ummmmm Some of them are going to be posted on anon I think?  So I’ll just say Thor Harry

6. What is a fic that you hope to write someday?

siiiiigghhhhhhhh my Almost Famous au

7. Do you read fics from other fandoms? Which ones?

I read a lot of Thorki... and random fandoms.  I love to read a lot of fucked up shit just for the shock value of it?? I don’t know, I’m weird like that.  So I started branching out to general tag searches so I’ve read stuff from tons of fandoms that I don’t even know what they are.  I think Supernatural is one I frequent a lot because they have some real fucked up fics. 

8. What author or book has influenced you as a writer?

Sooooo There was a writer that really sparked my creativity back when I was in a different fandom.  But then they disappeared from that fandom and I ran into them as a popular figure in the 1D fandom but they’re kind of hated in the fandom now?? so I won’t say their name.  BUT in the other fandom, they had this fic that I still go back and read to this day every once in a while.  It was intense, a lil fucked up, and just... yeah.  The kind that sticks with you.  

9. What’s one of your favorite books from when you were a child?

Island of the Blue Dolphins.  Which I reread a few years ago and ??? idk I was a weird child.  I mean I didn’t think it was a BAD book

10. What’s an au/trope that you thought you didn’t like until you read one and loved it?

Harry Potter AUs?   haha I’m sure there are more than that because there have been a LOT I didn’t think I’d enjoy and then I loved... OH THE TIME TRAVELER AU.  I don’t remember why but I didn’t read that foreeeeever because I didn’t think it was my thing.

11. Choose one: angst or fluff?

angst.  this isn’t even a question.  

Wow.  I probably spent too much time on that.  If you’ve made it this far, kudos for sticking in there through my ramblings.  

Let’s see.  

1. What is the most problematic concept in one of your fics?

2. Mpreg. Yey or ney and why.

3. What aspect of a fic can you write but not read? 

4. What aspect of a fic can you read but not write? 

5. What fic is your most popular? 

6. Is it a fic that surprises you or is it one you wish was not as popular?

7. Is there an exchange/fest that you didn’t write for that you wish you would have?

8. Do you write in any other fandoms? 

9. What was the first fandom you started writing for? 

10. Do you write other pairings other than your main? 

11. What projects are on the back burner?  

Omg this was so hard.  um.... @tragic---love @wendydarlingfics @reminiscingintherain ummmmmm omg tagging people gives me such anxiety bc i feel like i’m annoying. its a struggle.   back at cha @chloehl10

[guardians-ofthe-lastyoungkilljoy]

musicians that get constant stream on my Spotify

doing this cause I'm actually so bored. this is going to be a long post

5 Seconds of Summer (Australian)

I’ve loved these guys since their first album dropped and seeing them grow into these beautiful young men they are now fills my heart with so much love and pride. 

Year I started listening - 2014

First song I listened to - She Looks So Perfect

First 2 albums have pop-punk vibes. 2nd album gets quite personal and has helped me through some shit. 3rd album is different but cool. Very vibey alt-pop stuff. EPs are very underrated. 

All Time Low (American)

Whipped from the start. Probably the most unproblematic artist out there. Just a couple of boys who want to play their music and see their fans. Pure™️. On the final Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - Dear Maria, Count Me In

All albums up to Don’t Panic are very pop-punk. Future Hearts is pop-punk but there was this idk growth thing and it was just somewhat different to its predecessors. Kind of the record where they grew out of the ‘whiny pop-punk sk8er bois’ and into more alt-rock. Last Young Renegade was very different. Some pop-punk tracks some alt-rock some completely different. Loved it nonetheless. New songs scream Dirty Work and I’m living for it. Dirty Work is also extremely underrated and everyone should listen to it. 

Boy Hero (American)

A bit like the love child of Sleeping With Sirens and Panic! At The Disco. Idk how to describe it but it’s hell good. 

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - How Far I'll Go (Cover). Rebel Flesh (Original song)

These guys have a whole bunch of covers. Self titled is pretty good. Also they like anime and they do twitch streams. Lead singer lowkey sounds like Brendon Urie. Got a powerful voice. 

Bring Me The Horizon (UK)

Big British metal core band

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Can You Feel My Heart

First album was deathcore then went to metalcore and got less heavy over time. Lots of people didn’t like the last album but I liked it. It was different but good different. Liked how they decided to play with new sounds. Also makes it easier to cover their songs. 

Counterfeit (UK)

British rock band. Also surprise remember the guy who played Jace in the Mortal Instruments movie yeah well he’s the lead singer. 

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Lost Everything

Got a some EPs and the album is great. Should not be slept on. 

Ed Sheeran (UK)

Ok everyone should know him or you’ve been living under a rock. 

Year I started listening - 2011

First song I listened to - Give Me Love

First album was straight up acoustic singer-songwriter stuff. Cute and stuff. Next 2 albums experimented with sound and it was great. There’s at least 1 song on each album that will make you cry. Actually went to his concert for the divide tour and it was great. Very chill. 

The Faim (Australian)

Alt-rock with some pop-punk influences in there. Fairly new band and went under the name of Small Town Heroes before the name change. Sounds a bit like Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy and All Time Low.  

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Midland Line

The EP Summer Is A Curse is out now and boy it is good. Just waiting for the album to be released. They wrote some tracks with Ashton Irwin, Mark Hoppus, Pete Wentz, Josh Dun and John Feldmann and Zack Cervini produced it. I have very high hopes for the album. Entire band has this amazing stage energy which is absolutely mesmerising to watch. 

Fall Out Boy (American)

Once again if you have’t heard of them you’ve been living under a rock.

Year I started listening - 2016

First song I listened to - Immortals (bless Big Hero 6)

Extremely pop-punk before the hiatus. Went into some cool different stuff after hiatus. Mania was very different than their previous albums and I actually didn’t like it too much at first but I gave it a few more listens and I loved it. 

Gang of Youths (Australian)

An Australian indie band. Different to what I usually listen to. Very chill.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows

Latest albums is amazing. All the albums have a mix of bops and sad songs so you never know what you’re going to be hit with. Great lyrics throughout. Talks about real life issues in a number of the songs, some personal to the band’s life.

Green Day (American)

You have been living under a rock if you haven’t heard of these guys.

Year I started listening - 2016

First song I listened to - Wake Me Up When September Ends

Before American Idiot was like underground punk rock songs. After American Idiot got some pop influenced melodies which got them into more mainstream rock. Bops, anger, sadness and overall feelings throughout. Broadway Musical version is extremely slept on and I saw the production and it is a masterpiece. Left me kind of breathless at the end.

Harry Styles (UK)

Living under a rock if you don’t know who this wonderful man is

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - Sign Of The Times

Super different from his 1D career. Has some old classic rock influences. Bops and sad songs throughout. Powerful voice and has an amazing stage presence. Media portrays him so badly when he’s actually such a wonderful human being.

I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (American)

Ex Panic! member and ex Falling In Reverse member come together to make some cool different music. 2 beans chilling in a band together.

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Choke

Music is kind of weird but cool. Bops throughout and should really release more music. Label company really needs to hurry up with whatever they’re doing cause the album’s finished but they haven’t released it.

Mayday Parade (American)

This band literally writes the saddest music known to humankind. Also unproblematic and everyone loves them. On the final Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - Miserable At Best

First 3 albums are very pop-punk. Next 2 go into more alt-rock and pop-rock. Last album are a mix of both. It sounds pop-punk but still maintains that level of growth the band has gone through since the start of their career. Be prepared with tissues cause this band will make you cry. 

Mike Shinoda (American)

The rapper dude from Linkin Park. Literally the only rap artist I listen to.

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Crossing A Line

Latest album is super personal but a masterpiece. Raps are amazing and vocals are on point. 

My Chemical Romance (American)

Should this even be on my list cause they’re not a band, they’re an idea

Year I started listening - 2016

First song I listened to - Welcome To The Black Parade

1st album was post-hardcore and somewhat depressing. Albums got less heavier over the years. Each album also has a different theme so there’s days where I feel like I need to listen to Danger Days and other days where I need to listen to The Black Parade. Also my music teacher likes them which really surprised me since he’s an old guy that likes to listen to jazz.

One Direction (UK)

Was a 1D fangirl and still is a 1D fangirl

Year I started listening - 2011

First song I listened to - What Makes You Beautiful

All of the albums are absolutely amazing. Got less pop over time. Lots of bops with some sadness thrown in which makes my heart hurt. Not afraid to bop to them in public.

Palaye Royale (Canadian)

Actually found them when CrankThatFrank did a video with them. Still waiting for the kazoo kid to perform with Satan’s Favourite Boy Band. Just 3 brothers who want to play some music. On the final Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Mr. Doctor Man

Boom Boom Room Side A is a quality album and I’m so hyped for Boom Boom Room Side B. Rock band that likes fashion and makeup. EPs have solid songs in them. 

Panic! At The Disco (American)

Living under a rock if you haven’t heard of them.

Year I started listening - 2016

First song I listened to - I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Each album has a different vibe to it so it depends on what you feel like that day on what you listen to. Didn't really like Pray For The Wicked but gave it a few more listens and I love it. 

Pierce The Veil (Mexican-American)

Post-hardcore band of Sexicans based in America. 

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - King For A Day ft. Kellin Quinn

Got less heavy over each album. Collide With The Sky is probably my favourite album. Currently writing album 5 which I am extremely excited for. Vic Fuentes’ voice is quite high and but you get used to it. Screams are excellent. 

PVMNTS (American)

Pronounced as pavements but they decided to not have vowels. Also remember Tyler Posey from Teen Wolf well yeah he’s the lead singer in the band. On the final Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Jumping Stairsets

Has a lot of early 2000s pop-punk influences. Sounds like Blink-182. Very excited for some more music from them. These guys did a UK tour with The Faim. Released an EP recently.

Shawn Mendes (Canadian)

Living under a rock if you haven’t heard of this sweet boy. 

Year I started listening - 2015

First song I listened to - Stitches

Newest album is very real and super chill. Got some new different sounds in it. First 2 albums are heavy on the singer songwriter genre. Amazing writing and his voice has a somewhat raspy tinge and extremely powerful at the same time.

Sleeping With Sirens (American)

Yes this is the band where the lead singer sounds like a girl.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - If You Can’t Hang

Newest album is quite different to their past stuff but I really like it. Explored some issues in the songs which they haven’t previously done. Overall either angry or soft. 

Story Untold (Canadian) 

Pop-punk band. Lead singer (Janick Thibault) used to post a lot of covers on YouTube. Went under the name of Amasic before. Lead singer low-key sounds like Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. Also kind of looks like Alex Gaskarth and Awsten Knight. On the final Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - History

2 albums out currently. 1st album was extremely pop-punk. 2nd album explored some different sounds but still pop-punk. Also signed to Hopeless Records. 

A Summer High (American)

Found them through CrankThatFrank when he did a reaction vid to songs I’ve never heard before. On the last Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2018

First song I listened to - Pretty Little Liar

Think fetus 5SOS and that’s basically their sound. Basically the kids who never left their pop-punk sk8er boi phase. Has quite a few covers and needs to tour with 5SOS. All 3 of them can sing and they sing like angels. 

SWMRS (American)

Yes this is the band that has Billie Joe Armstrong’s kid in it. Also it’s pronounced Swimmers. Just they didn’t like vowels. Originally named Emily’s Army but they changed the name. Found these guys through a reaction to songs I’ve never heard before from CrankThatFrank 

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - Lose It

Kind of like indie-surf-punk idk but it’s good. Drive North has some anger and some bops just an overall good album. Can’t wait for some new music from them. 

Twenty Øne Piløts (American)

Living under a rock if you haven’t heard of them. Can’t even begin to describe the genre cause they’re just that different.

Year I started listening - 2016

First song I listened to - Ride

Bops mixed with deep lyrics and sadness. Raps are amazing. Poetic writing. 2 talented beans who deserve so much. New music is heavier and it will go so hard live I cannot wait. 

The Vamps (UK)

I had a phase with this band and their first 2 albums get heavy repeat. 

Year I started listening - 2014

First song I listened to - Somebody To You

First 2 albums are absolute bops. Mixed feelings from their 3rd album. Vocals are great.

Waterparks (American)

Metaphors. Metaphors everywhere. God’s Favourite Boy Band. On the final Warped Tour. 

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - I’m A Natural Blue

The EPs are great also angry and a lil bit of screaming. This band are a blessing sent from heaven and are pure boys. Follow Awsten on Twitter for the best quality content. Don't expect anything from Otto on social media he never uses it. Double Dare is cute but also slightly angry. Entertainment is full of anger and angst and sadness and it’s beautiful. Excellent songwriting. 

With Confidence (Australian)

Pop-punk. Very pop-punk. Jayden Seeley has a beautiful voice. On the last Warped Tour.

Year I started listening - 2017

First song I listened to - Voldemort

First album is a poetic masterpiece. Some bops and some sadness (looking at you Long Night). Excellent songwriting throughout. Love and Loathing is probably one of the best albums of 2018.

Lol that’s it. Will probably update everytime I get into another band.

[1dreality]

It must have been well over a year ago now, when Liam Payne realised he had absolutely nothing interesting to say. The singer, known to most as ‘Liam from One Direction’ until the group’s indefinite hiatus in January 2016, had returned to the studio, settled into the idea of being a solo artist for the rest of his days, and promptly drawn a blank. He was, he says, just too darned happy to think of anything.

Everything in his life had fallen into place. He’d found love, moving in with Cheryl (formerly Cole), a fellow junior royal of the Top 40. Their first child, a son named Bear, was well on the way. He had signed a huge record deal with Capitol. He felt fitter and healthier than he had in years. And, yes, there’s no denying it: he was pretty pleased that he no longer had to be in the biggest boyband in the world.

‘I had a bit of a problem formulating what was going on in my brain into the music at first,’ he says, ‘because I was so content with everything in my personal life. It’s easy to spill your guts out on a ballad. But I was thinking, “Oh God, I’m really happy – what am I going to write about?!”’

More than 12 months on, the answer to that question still isn’t entirely clear. Payne’s debut album, as yet untitled, won’t be released until early 2018. There have been two singles, though, with a third, the unsubtly titled Bedroom Floor, arriving next month.

Of those we’ve heard, the first, Strip That Down, a R&B-inflected club hit released in May and co-written with Ed Sheeran, marked a departure from One Direction’s stadium pop-rock. It was also chock-full of hoary by-the-way-I’m-an-adult-now signposts: there are references to nightclubs, drinking rum and coke, driving Ferraris and having girls ‘grind’ on him. And mixed in with all that were lyrics that caused a minor stir among his acolytes: ‘You know I used to be in 1D, now I’m out, free / people want me for one thing, that’s not me’. Payne, it seems, is keen to reintroduce himself.

‘When I left the band, I felt a bit stranded,’ he says, when we meet in an enormous boardroom at his management’s offices. ‘It took time, but I know as an artist I am starting fresh now.’ He slaps the table with melodrama. ‘This is Moment One. It’s the start line.’

Liam Payne is 24 years old. He is athletically built, as anyone who has seen his shirtless Instagram posts will know, and kind of everyday handsome, in a Love Island, former-youth-footballer way. Both his arms and hands are almost entirely upholstered in tattoos, highlights of which include some thick black arrows on one forearm that look like road markings; the number ‘4’, in reference to One Direction’s 2014 album of the same name, on his ring finger; and, on his left arm, a scale depiction of Cheryl’s eye, that appears to follow you around the room as he gesticulates. ‘It’s so my missus can always keep an eye on me,’ he likes to say about that one.

He is impossibly nice. Before we meet, he plods through the office, saying hello to everybody in the building individually, and in most cases remembering something about them: that they beat him at Fifa last time he dropped by, so they must have a rematch before he leaves (‘I’ll whoop ya with West Brom!’), or they’ve surely had a haircut, haven’t they? (‘It looks really great anyway, man!’). It is the manner of somebody both impeccably raised and intensely keen for people to like him, and it appears genuine and successful.

To an extent, Payne says, the five members of One Direction – or four, after Zayn Malik left the band in 2015 – ended up playing characters over the six years they were together. Whereas the Beatles (arguably the only other group with a comparable scale and speed of world domination), grew increasingly cantankerous towards the end of the 1960s, One Direction stuck resolutely to the caricatures that fans and management assigned them right to the end.

Malik was brooding and mercurial, Harry Styles was a cool, flamboyant ladies’ man, Niall Horan was charming and laid-back, and Louis Tomlinson, who has since admitted to feeling a little redundant, was fun and energetic. And Payne? Well, Payne was The Responsible One.

‘I’ve always been a bit of an older soul,’ he says, mulling over his place. ‘It’s funny: there’s a thing on the net where the fans put what they think are our mental ages. All the boys were around their real ones, but then they put me at about 37.’

Payne admits to feeling a little daunted in 2010, when Simon Cowell thrust the band together on X Factor after they’d auditioned as solo artists. Keeping up with the other personalities in the gang was exhausting, so his coping mechanism was to attempt to rein them in as best he could, and work with management in doing so. Like the popular schoolboy teachers identify as mature enough to be a trusted emissary for his recalcitrant friends, Payne carved himself a valuable niche.

‘I was put with a group of rowdy teenagers, and when I was a teenager, I had mates, but I was always with my dad. I’d go out to the pub and chat with him. So when I was stuck with these boys I was thinking, “F— me, I don’t know how to do it.”

‘When something was going wrong, I’d get a phone call. If there was an apology needed, it was me. I was the spokesperson for the band, as it were, with the press and the label.’

Along with Tomlinson, Payne shares comfortably the most writing credits of the band on One Direction songs. Over their five albums, dozens of songwriting collaborators contributed to the group’s success, but it seems nobody worked harder than the two least-heralded members. Neither was the showiest or best singer; but they kept things ticking over.

One Direction’s hordes of fans around the world noticed the assumed roles, and nicknamed Payne ‘Daddy Directioner’. He lived up to it with them, too. In 2013, on tour in Australia, Payne tweeted a message to warn girls waiting outside the band’s hotel of snakes living in the surrounding fields. ‘It’s just not worth it someone’s gunna get hurt [sic],’ he pleaded.

Two years later, he gave an interview lamenting the fact he and the other boys were being sent sexually explicit pictures of themselves drawn by underage admirers. While the rest of the band seemed to find that funny, Payne called it ‘the sad and sorry side of what we’ve done.’ Yeah, all right, Dad.

Becoming a real-life father has at least given the nickname some purchase. Rumours swirled at the end of 2015 that he had started dating Cheryl – formerly Fernandez-Versini and Cole, née Tweedy – after her second marriage ended in divorce. By the next summer, she was pregnant with the second One Direction baby (Tomlinson, the eldest of the bunch, had one first).

The couple live in a mansion near Woking, Surrey, and aren’t married, but he considers them ‘basically at that stage’. Bear, with whom Payne is besotted, was born in March, and named for the growling noises he was making during his first sleeps. So far, no photographs have been released, but he instantly shows me one on his phone. And here, I can exclusively reveal that the heir Bear is – as you’d expect of a baby with that name, born of two professionally good-looking parents – very cute.

‘We’ve only shown him in glimpses,’ Payne says, explaining their decision to shield him. ‘We don’t want him to have the pressure that me and Cheryl have, as household names. We want him to enjoy himself first and then figure it out.’

Born and raised in Wolverhampton, Payne has an unexpectedly thick Midlands accent that gets thicker the longer he talks – which is a lot. His preferred conversational feature is the anecdote, resulting in a version of the phrase, ‘I remember, there was this one time…’ prefixing the majority of his utterances, which are in turn regularly punctuated with singular handclaps of self-incredulity. It can be mildly alarming, like interviewing a young, heavily-tattooed Ronnie Corbett, but I suppose it speaks to the amount of life experience he has already accrued.

Growing up, Payne’s father, Geoff, worked as a fitter, while his mother, Karen, was a nursery nurse. Money was tight and the house small, but he remembers it as a happy one.

‘My place was on the floor with the dog, there was no space on the sofa. It was great, though we didn’t have much. Dad was in debt, but they did the best they could. It makes you dream a bit, you know?’

As a child, he had two routes to possible stardom, both of which Geoff pushed hard for. One was singing, the other was long-distance running. For a time in his teens, Payne was one of the fastest 1500m runners in the country, getting up to train before school and seconds from qualifying for the London 2012 squad. It was before that, as a 14-year-old in 2008, that he first applied for X Factor.

Auditioning with Fly Me To The Moon, since it was one of the few songs he could manage while his voice was breaking, that year he got as far as the ‘judge’s houses’, before Simon Cowell told him to come back in two years and try again. He became a mini-celebrity back home in that between-period, and carried on performing around town. The adulation was short-lived, though.

Once, performing a Justin Timberlake cover at an under-18s gig in Oceana Wolverhampton, somebody lobbed a coin at his face and managed to draw blood. He laughs about it now. These days – admittedly a largely cashless society – it’s only bras and knickers they fling.

‘I had become less and less famous. One time, I was in McDonald’s with a girlfriend and someone shouted ‘X Factor reject!’ at me. The whole restaurant turned. It was like coming out of fame. So I knew what it was like at 15, and it helped me.’

Following Cowell’s advice, he returned to X Factor in 2010 and found himself shoved into One Direction with the four other boys, eventually finishing the competition in third place, but with easily the brightest future. Within weeks, he had moved out of his Wolverhampton bedroom and into a penthouse apartment in Canary Wharf.

And six years later, One Direction had sold more than 20 million records, become the first band in history to have their first four albums go to number one in the US, touring the world numerous times, and earned a preposterous amount of money in the process. Payne is now estimated to be worth £40 million. He hasn’t been back to Wolverhampton in a long time, but he paid off his father’s debts years ago, and bought his parents a new house in addition to funding the renovation of their family home. He refers to his time spent in One Direction as ‘like uni’.

When they were in the thick of things, all the boys used to obey Cowell’s omertà – relentless enthusiasm at all times, please – and never discussed any negative aspects of their experience. Now safely out the other side, Payne is frank on matters of burnout and claustrophobia.

‘Cabin fever. It sent me a bit AWOL at one point, if I’m honest. I can remember when there were 10,000 people outside our hotel. We couldn’t go anywhere. It was just gig to hotel, gig to hotel. And you couldn’t sleep, because they’d still be outside,’ he says, before telling several stories of how he and Tomlinson would sneak out of hotels just to feel freedom, only to find themselves bored once they got out.

‘People were speaking to me about mental health in music the other day, and that’s a big issue. Sometimes you just need some sun, or a walk.’

Every stop on tour became the same. Earlier this year, Payne was asked which was his favourite city of those he visited with One Direction. ‘One in Italy with a big white cathedral,’ he responded.(The band performed in Milan at least five times.)

‘One of the problems was that we never stopped to celebrate what we’d done. I remember us winning loads of American Music Awards and then having to get on a plane straight away. It got to the point where success was so fluid. I don’t even know what happened to our songs, we just sang them, then sang some more. It was like a proper, hard job. Non-stop. I can concentrate a lot more now.’

The paparazzi and fan attention sounds just as draining. It must feel weird having a Twitter following larger than the population of Australia, as he does, but especially odd to have fans so obsessed that they’ve set up multiple fake profiles pretending to be your mother, for some reason.

Moreover, footage of One Direction out and about makes A Hard Day’s Night look tame: thousands of screaming fans all over them, police escorts everywhere they went, an unending run of selfie requests... It came to a head in New York in 2012, when Payne was walking to a restaurant with his parents and a paparazzo accidentally pushed his mother over. He was incensed.

‘I was like, “Oh, f— this. F— this s—t.” There was a swarm of them and I just wanted a burger with my parents,’ he says, unsmiling for a moment. ‘I cried my eyes out. I thought, “I can’t do this”, and really hated my life.’

He soldiered on, but it wasn’t a healthy lifestyle; none of them seems to miss it now the ‘break’ is on.

‘It’s great that people can see what we’re really like away from each other,’ Payne says. ‘It got to a point in the band where we were just playing characters, and I was tired of my character. Apart from the daddy thing, I was really loud and bubbly. There were a lot of personalities in the band to keep up with, so I had to be all, ‘Ey!’, the rowdy lad, and I don’t have to now.’

There were times when the band would celebrate hard, and in that, Payne had catching up to do: as a child, he was diagnosed with a scarred kidney, meaning he didn’t taste alcohol until he was given the all-clear at 19. Tell a teenage millionaire they can now safely drink, and they’ll go for it. He admits ‘the floodgates opened’ that year.

‘I wasn’t happy. I went through a real drinking stage, and sometimes you take things too far. Everyone’s been that guy at the party where you’re the only one having fun, and there were points when that was me. I got to 13 stone, just eating crap. I got fat jibes, and it affects your head. I have nothing to hide about it…

‘As I say, it was like a musical university. We were pretty reckless, but I got it out of my system. I had my fun.’

The hiatus seems to have come at just the right time. But before he could take a breath, Payne lurched on in life, becoming involved with Cheryl almost at once.

Nobody asks how they met; their introduction is on YouTube for all to see. Ten years his senior, she was an X Factor judge in 2008 when the 14-year-old Payne shuffled in, all mop-hair and waistcoat, to perform his Sinatra number. He winked at her, she called him ‘cute’, they bumped into one another over the years, ended up working on a remix of one of her songs in 2014, and the rest is recent pop history.

Not everybody was happy when the relationship was initially confirmed. That Cheryl was in a quasi-pastoral role when they met raised eyebrows in the usual eyebrow-raising camps, as did the couple’s decade-wide age gap. Liam doesn’t care. In fact, he can still barely get over the fact she’s his girlfriend.

‘It’s a ridiculous place to be in,’ he says. ‘She’s even more amazing than I thought. I was watching her do Fight For This Love [her debut solo single, from 2009] when I was a kid, and now we’re together with a kid. I feel like I’m X Factor’s biggest winner.’

It helps having Cheryl around to ask about business matters. Like Payne, she was scouted on a TV pop contest (2002’s Popstars: The Rivals), had massive success in a group (Girls Aloud), and then went solo with a more urban sound. She is also the unlikely possessor of the record for number-one singles by a British woman.

‘We think about the same things. She understands what my life is like. She knows what it’s like to sit on the Graham Norton couch [or] we can talk about her L’Oréal work. It’s not that we’re “a brand” as a family, but we can help each other.’

In Who We Are, one of One Direction’s seven books, published in 2014, Payne writes in his chapter that he’s ‘worried about the idea of failing outside of this band’ and declared he’d become a low-key songwriter, because ‘there would be less attention on my life’.

The opposite of that is what’s happening, I inform him.

‘Yeah, that was a point when I was scared of our success, and we didn’t want to take a step back from it,’ he says. ‘I just wanted to be a songwriter and not be famous, but happy. Then Simon and Cheryl told me this is where I am supposed to be, and I’d miss the stage. The pressure of what was coming next was scary, but they talked me down.’

The solo product he’s come up with is the sort of music he’d always wanted to make: radio-friendly R&B in the style of his heroes, Justin Timberlake, Usher and Pharrell Williams, and more informed by the rap music he listens to than the pop he’s famous for. Who knows if he can shake the ‘embarrassing dad’ brand to pull it off, but the signs point to success. Strip That Down has been streamed more than 300 million times on Spotify alone.

‘I wanted this to be for people my age. The themes are a bit older, but you have to grow up with your fans. I can’t make bubblegum pop any more,’ he says.

One Direction fans needn’t despair. They might have dispersed and almost all signed elsewhere, but Payne is excited about the idea of a comeback gig in years to come. As, I’m sure, are the band’s accountants.

But that won’t be for a little while, if Payne has it his way, because – as he keeps on telling me – he is just far too happy with his lot at the moment to take a step backwards. When it reaches our time to wrap up, he’s still at it.

‘I feel great about what’s going on in my life,’ he says, giving it one last handclap and springing to his feet. ‘I’m extremely lucky. I feel like I’m in a comatose dream. I’m like, “when did I last bump my head?” because I can’t believe this…’

Liam Payne’s next single, Bedroom Floor, is out on 20 October

[easterwings]

11 Questions

RULES

1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

I got tagged by @1000-directions @dearmrsawyer and @alligatornyc    

Thanks all of you for thinking of me! And @writsgrimmyblog said I could consider myself tagged and I’m gonna. :)))   I hope my answers are at least a quarter as interesting as all of yours were.  :)))  I’m going to put them under a cut as it got a bit long:

what is a food that you associate with your heritage or culture, whatever that means to you?  Cornbread.  When I was little my grandmother use to make it in a certain baking tin so it’d come out shaped like ears of corn.  I wish I knew what happened to that baking tin.  Also, iced sweet tea.  Ya’ll.

what is the best smell?  Clean baby, rose petal black tea, both old and new books

what’s a bad habit you wish you could change?  I overthink things a lot. I wish I could turn it down a notch or eight.  I also care a bit too much about things and people and I wish I could turn that off sometimes.

what’s something you like about yourself?  I like to think I’ve got good taste.

what’s a book from your childhood that had a huge impact on your life? A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle.  I barely remember it because I’ve read so, so many things in my life, but I do remember it, and that’s really saying something.

what’s your ringtone? The Verizon default.  On my old phone it was one of the Tenth Doctor’s opening titles but I don’t remember what I did with the audio file.

what do you wish more people realized about you? That I’m really not someone to be intimidated by.  I’m awkward and horribly socially anxious, and I don’t initiate conversation a lot because I’m terrified I’m going to screw it up. 

what song always pumps you up?  “21 And Invincible” by Something Corporate.  I have it on my walking playlist and it always makes me want to move a little bit faster.  

do you grocery shop with a list or do you wander aimlessly?  I have a list I make using the Google Keep app on my phone.  I have a really bad memory and I’d be lost without a list.

what is the best dessert?  Cake.  Give me all the cake.  Yes, even that weird American fruit cake.  Give me that too.

will monsters get you if your feet are not completely under the covers at night?  Whether they will or not, I’m still sleeping with my feet sticking out.  I hate having hot feet.

Do you have a favourite plant?  I realize this is probably a general question, but I’m going to say that my favorite plant is the Calibrachoa I have hanging on my porch.  It’s very fluffy and it’s got loads of little yellow flowers.

Have you travelled anywhere internationally? If so, where? If not, where’s your number one place you’d like to go?  I haven’t but I really really really want to go to Japan.

What do you feel when you look at the stars?  Like the universe is looking back at me.  It doesn’t scare me, though.

When you study/write/do whatever you do, do you feel more productive working on paper or on screen?  Depends.  Usually I’m more productive when I’m working on screen, but sometimes the only way to get the story moving is to write it out by hand.

What is the pillow situation when you sleep?  One pillow, can’t be too soft. 

Do you still buy DVDs or do you prefer to just have everything digitally?  If it’s something I really love, then I’ll buy the DVD.  Same with books.

What’s your favourite kind of jewellery to wear? Do you like earrings, necklaces, rings, etc?  I suppose it’d be rings.  Right now I’m just wearing my wedding set, but eventually I’d like to get a set of stackable birthstone rings, one for my son (garnet), one for my daughter (diamond), and one in memory of August Baby (peridot).  I also want something huge and ridiculous to put on my index finger.

Favourite concert experience?  This is going to make me sound five million years old, but R.E.M. was playing The Omni, and I went to see them when I was about fifteen.  They had an open stage and during “Nightswimming” (my favorite R.E.M. song at the time) they turned toward our section and performed it facing us.  

What’s a book on your shelf that you haven’t yet read, but are really looking forward to?  Tokyo on Foot by Florent Chavouet.  Chavouet is a graphic artist and he went with his girlfriend to Tokyo for her internship.  And he’d wander around while she was out and draw what he saw, so it’s full of his little sketches.  

Do you still have any favourite toys from your childhood? I still have my Bunny Beans from when I was a baby.  It’s a baby doll in a very faded pink bunny suit.  I gave it to my daughter.

Do you hold onto old things or do you enjoy throwing away things you no longer need?  I tend to hold onto things until they’re absolutely falling apart and can’t be salvaged.  And even then sometimes I’ll keep it anyway.

When do you feel sexiest and/or most confident?  When I have on very high heels.  Not stiletto heels, because I’m not graceful enough for that, but definitely something four inches or more.

Mortifying teen-aged memory?  I’m sure there’s tons, but I’ve managed to block them all out.

Go-to outfit?  Sweater and a skirt.

Dream job?  Book shop owner in a little village on a coast somewhere.

Favorite villain?  Laurie from The Rifter Series.  I get her.

Tumblr pet peeve(s)?  The inability to use XKit on the mobile app.

Kindest gesture you’ve ever received?  I don’t know if it’s the kindest thing ever, but a few nights ago someone sent me a very lovely message right when I needed it.  They don’t follow me but they’d noticed the tags that I’d put on a post that I reblogged from them, and it was so kind of them to send that lovely note and one of the best possible ways to end what was a really bad day.  And my readers, they’re always kind too.  They say the loveliest things.  And while I was filling this out, Steph wrote me a story and it has so many of my favorite things in it.  <3 <3 <3

Kindest gesture you’ve ever done for someone else?  I like to make grids and things for fics that I like, but I don’t know if that’s something that’s considered kind or not.  And sometimes I like to go on anon and send people nice messages, especially if I see someone getting really shitty anons.  And one day I spent hours trying to hunt down the owner of $500 in cash that I found in a parking lot, but I think that’s more along the lines of doing the right thing.  

One Direction and/or solo 1D member dream photo shoot?  Louis, hands down.  I don’t care what else is going on as long it’s Louis.  They can take pictures of him wearing a bin bag eating bran flakes, and I will stare at them endlessly and love them.

Relationship/views on money/personal finances?  My husband and I have separate checking accounts and one joint savings account, and we’ve split up the household bills to where he pays some things and I pay others and we buy fun things for ourselves and each other and the kids out of our own accounts.  I have no idea what that’s called (or even if that makes sense) but that’s how we’ve been doing it for who knows how long now.

Favorite dynamic/type of chemistry you like to read about in novels/fic or see on TV/movies?  I usually like a snarky smart-ass and the person who’s done with their shit but who also cares about them deeply.  And I like it if they’re kind to each other underneath all the gentle teasing.  I just really like it when they’re kind.

BONUS: Song, including lyrics, that best describe you?  Well, if we’re going for honesty, probably all of Garbage’s “Only Happy When It Rains.”   

What’s your favourite quote from a book or poem? From The Fellowship of the Ring, “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

What song makes you want to dance like nobody’s watching? “Pon de Replay” by Rihanna

What’s your favourite ship to read? Tomlinshaw, forever and always.

If you could own one item of clothing belonging to any celebrity what would you pick and why?  I want one of Nick’s coats.  Or one of his jumpers.  I like his taste in clothing and I adore him.  Or Louis’s Skate Tough top.  I love that one and him.

Gif with a hard or soft ‘g’?  Hard ‘G.’  Otherwise I’m going to think we’re talking about a brand of peanut butter.

What’s your favourite fanfic ‘getting together’ trope?  I do like a good drunken snogging.  And it’s cheesy as hell, but I also love the whole “realizing feelings while being sang to during karaoke” thing.  I love that a lot.  And also if they were together before but split up because reasons but then get back together somehow later.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure? This is going to sound so boring but probably Tim Tams.  I don’t let myself buy them too often, because I could probably eat all of them in one sitting.

Most relatable 1D (or solo 1D) lyric? Louis’s solo from “Moments.”  Sorry.  June’s just been a really shitty month.

If you could give one piece of advice to a celebrity, what would it be?  Illegitimi non carborundum

Tell me your favourite joke.  I really love puns and this one from the Gryles interview of legend is one of my favorites:  “I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there."

If you were famous for a day, what question would you most dread being asked during an interview?  Probably the what do you do in your free time one.  That’s the one I can see myself freezing up on the most.

If you’ve managed to get this far, thank you so much for reading!!!  I will write something in your honor if you tell me what you want.  <3 <3