#yep this is where we're at folks

[cyarsk52-20]

[bwat5-blog]

"Clearly, Caitlyn Kiramman Should’ve Known Better at 23: A Masterclass in Ignoring Trauma and Believing War Criminals"

**Spoilers for all of Arcane**

Recently I made the mistake of delving into the comments of an otherwise excellent post regarding Caitlyn Kiramman and the aftermath of her time as "dictator", specifically in terms of were there enough consequences? did she do enough to make it right? should more have been done to her? that sort of thing. In the festering cesspool of those comments, I saw a variation of the following statement:

"if we were doing things based on what was fair and just, Caitlyn should have been executed on behalf of the two cities for peace"

It was more crude but you get the point. This person alleged that Caitlyn deserved death for what happened during those few months. Before we move forward lets review what we know about all of this. I have quite recently covered a lot of Caitlyn's arc so I'm not doing a deep dive here. Just enough to address this particular bit of idiocy.

How It Starts:

Like I said we aren't doing a deep dive here, so just for a quick reminder as to where twenty-three year old Caitlyn is mentally at this point(regardless of fault or nuance, just the facts):

Has been almost killed by Jinx three times

Almost killed by Sheriff of Piltover

Abducted naked from her childhood home, forced to dress in Enforcer uniform, bound, gagged, and forced to attend Jinx's tea party where Jinx tries to get Vi to murder Caitlyn

Violently knocked out

Shows Jinx mercy at Vi's request

Jinx kills her mother

Trying to become head of house Kiramman

Undercity attacks the memorial

Survives strike team operations

Brutal fight with Sevika

Vi stops her from shooting again

Very emotional split from Vi after hitting her and leaving her alone

So, with all of that under consideration, a Noxian warlord in her fifties who has commanded troops on various continents across Runeterra, calls her up and says trust me, i have your back, we will get justice for your mother. And Caitlyn folds... Le Gasp?!

Guys I know this is a little more snarky than my usual approach, but this really is just not that complicated. This is not even subtle. We literally see the flash back of Ambessa orchestrating the memorial attack to get us to this point. Caitlyn is an open wound mentally and emotionally, she never stood a chance. Lets take a moment to review some important points here by the way:

Ambessa came to Piltover for Hex-Tech. She doesn't hide this from Mel and is quite clear in her goals.

"If there is a chance hextech can be weaponized, we must have it". Mel responds "Piltover isn't your testing ground... I can't believe you'd start a war just to cover your ass" And Ambessa responds "i would set the world ablaze to protect our family". And the conversation ends with Ambessa ordering her daughter to "let the war unfold".

2. She executes her plan to make Caitlyn her scape-goat in front of:

Councilor Salo

Councilor Shoola

Large group of enforcers

Group of twenty plus people who make up as Ambessa states "every house and family with a modicum of influence"

Not a single, solitary person says a word when Ambessa brings a twenty-three year old grieving young woman with, if we're being generous two months of combat experience though probably less, and says She is in charge now! They let Caitlyn be walked right into the jaws of the wolf herself.

The Great And Terrible Rule Of Caitlyn The Creepy! WHAHAHAHA!:

What she gives her okay on:

Occupation of Zaun

Lawful (under martial law not normal law) arrests of those who cause problems

Yep... there it is folks. There is the great list of terrible crimes against humanity committed by the she-devil of Piltover herself. Checkpoints and arrests. Which by the way I am not justifying. People being arrested subjects them to Ambessa's brutality once they are inside. And as we clearly see Rictus uses the right to arrest to brutalize a Jinxer, and to break up the rally. And Caitlyn absolutely shares some portion of the blame for that. But um.. the way people reacted I was really expecting more public hangings and and labor camps.

**Not really a good place to put this but just fyi, despotic mad-women don't usually have to get up early to please a craftsman guild over supply complaints... just saying..."

"But OP! Sexy Zangief was beating people up and breaking up peaceful rallies!"

Well fortunately we talk about that!

"Was it for my encouragement that your man Rictus was instigating violence?"

How does Ambessa respond? Not with anger, or rage. First with guilt "You don't trust me", then with approval when Caitlyn responds the blade cuts both ways "fearless child, you never shy",

Ambessa is a master manipulator. Caitlyn is and was grieving her mother, and her whirlwind extremely intense romantic relationship with Vi. She had a gargantuan hole in her heart and a woman with decades leading and commanding soldiers and learning strategy slid right in. Recall that in bed with Maddie Caitlyn almost is defending Ambessa, talking about learning so much from her and the lives Ambessa saved with her assistance getting control of Zaun, so they could hunt for Jinx. Caitlyn has legitimately come to care for Ambessa at least on some level. I even believe that on some level Ambessa has come to care for Caitlyn.

2. "Arrests require cause"

When Ambessa is suggesting someone in Zaun knows where Jinx is, this is how Caitlyn responds. Not with orders to start dragging people out into the street. Not executing children in the street or burning down buildings. And when Ambessa tries to justify it "What greater cause is there than returning peace to the city?" Caitlyn responds:

3. "Why is peace always the justification for violence".. (Note Ambessa laying comforting hand on Caitlyn's shoulder during conversation)

Ambessa gives her this speech: "we've lost so many.. the anger, the sorrow.. it's tiring. Gods, I know it's tiring.. But you will never rest knowing that she's out there. Or maybe I underestimated you. Maybe you have the strength I do not.. to forgive.. and trust in tomorrow.. the decision is yours commander.."

"I know you are so tired, I know you are exhausted. I know you want this to be over. But you can't feel safe with her out there. I know you can't. Unless of course you can do what even I can't. Forgive your mothers FUCKING MURDERER. But ya know, up to you"-

If you truly cannot see the insidiousness of how Caitlyn is being twisted and manipulated, I envy you the charmed life you have lead. But be weary my friend, "you're off the edge of the map, here there be monsters." (POC 1)

"But OP! Ambessa was experimenting with Hex-Tech and committing brutal interrogations!"

I will admit the show does not explicitly state that Caitlyn did not know about this. Explicitly. However, given our context clues I feel quite confidant suggesting she did not:

See literally everything she said above

Every time we see them doing this she is not present

It seems like they are in some deep and away part of the prison when they are doing this

In private after the failed hex-tech experiment, Ambessa laments that they didn't secure the scientists before seizing control of Piltover. She is openly discussing that they are the actual ruling power. I seriously doubt she would be doing that anywhere Caitlyn may come knocking.

She Could Have Stopped At Any Time! Maddie Even Say So:

You mean that Maddie? The Noxian spy who keeps an eye on Caitlyn from her fucking bed, taking advantage of Caitlyn's grief and guilt over how things ended with Vi? Caitlyn is reminded she has a choice twice. The first time by the spy in her bed, and the second time by Ambessa herself. Her loyalty is being tested. Not her conscious. Ambessa literally put eyes and ears in her bed, and some of yall wanna argue Caitlyn wasn't being controlled. Ambessa assumed the role of Caitlyn's mother, and had her spy take on the role of Vi. And I will say this. Sure. Caitlyn could have gone to Ambessa and called it all off. No more war, no more martial law, the council is in charge again so no more imprisonment and hex-tech experiments. And maybe.. just maybe Ambessa would have row-row-row your boated her homicidal ass home. I rather doubt it. I suspect that conversation would have ended with Caitlyn getting this treatment:

We have been over this already but for a reminder:

Ambessa came here for hex-tech to fight the blackrose. She instigated the memorial attack for her cause.

"I would set the world ablaze to protect our family"

As we will come to see later, her last living child begs her to stop the bloodshed, even offering to go back with her, and all Ambessa can see is weakness.

Other indicators of how she is doing with everything:

"I never expected this to go on so long.. I thought.. I don't know what I thought.."

"Up again?" Maddie tells us Caitlyn hasn't been sleeping

Forbids the use of the cells Vi was kept in

REWIND BACK TO HELLFIRE:

I recently just did an in-depth doc on the strike team, the use of the grey, and what all of this means in story. So I will keep this brief here. but I do want to discuss it as "SHE WAS GASSING KIDS!" is still being vomited up by every double-digit iq booger eater with a keyboard.

Ambessa orchestrated the memorial attack to force Piltover retaliation

The strike team is an alternative to a full-scale invasion by Piltover.

They are hunting dangerous drug lords, destroying shimmer, and hunting Jinx. All three seem fairly reasonable. The issue is not if they are doing something wrong, it's the reason Caitlyn has them doing it. All you have to do is refer to the handy dandy song lyrics they use as Arcane always does to understand this:

"Can I do the right thing for the wrong reason? Is it bad that I'm making friends with my demons, and Living by a couple deadly sins Just to make sure I finish what you began And I ain't afraid to lose a life or ten If it means that I get to win in the end (woo) So I'ma do this on my own, step into the danger zone Pull the pin and watch it blow" (Hellfire Fever 333)

4. Using a crowd dispersal agent that incapacitates bad guys with no documented fatal effects (see multiple characters exposed who are all alive and seemingly well, those images of the people with health issues were from the unfiltered, unaltered smog the Undercity used to live with)to hunt a target who likes to blow shit up seems fair. Also the fact that it knocks people out means they don't have to kill them.

Caitlyn's Remorse And Attempts To Make Things Right:

Literally starts a war with Ambessa to save Vander

Saves a hurt Vi with Jinx's back exposed to her when she is armed

Takes care of injured Vi in her own bed and postpones any judgement of Jinx until Vi wakes

"I Know!"

"We can't erase our mistakes.. none of us"- Equates herself with Jinx

"No amount of good deed can undo our crimes"- Equates herself with Jinx

"Hating you.. I've hated myself.. I just don't have the energy for it any longer.."

Tender moment showing IMMENSE regret during she and Vi's big scene.

The Cost:

One statement I saw opined that there is a difference between remorse and punishment, and that Caitlyn should have been punished. That giving up her seat and losing an eye hardly qualified. Well! Boy oh boy do I have good news for you. Let's take a gander at the physical "not punishment" she acquires willingly leading from the front lines against Ambessa:

Cracked in the head with rifle stock, twice: Skull fractures anyone? how about a lovely concussion?

Stabbed in the stomach: Internal bleeding, bile leaks, intestinal obstruction due to scar tissue adhesions, bowel perforation, the list goes on.

Kicked in the midsection while still stabbed: potential to drive knife deeper lacerating organs and such, just massive pain, potential catastrophic bleeding if a blood vessel was hit, potential rupturing of stomach, kidneys or liver releasing harmful fluids into abdominal cavity, potential for long term chronic pain or permanent organ damage

Leg sweep by Ambessa driving Caitlyn's head into the ground: potential tbi, brain hemorrhage, or further skull fracture, potential vertebral fractures, potential long term cognitive impairment or loss of motor control if spine is damaged

Kicked again: We covered this. Knife is still there.

Ankle pinned/Leg kick/backhand: All sorts of fun things happening to ligaments and tendons. Potential permanent disability. Potential concussion and bruising as well as a whole host of lacerations.

Headbutt with War mask on: Concussion, skull fracture, brain bleed

KICKED OFF OF HER FEET

Pulls knife out of her own body: Potential fatal bleeding, massive pain, possible peritonitis and respiratory distress depending on what all was damaged during the fight with the knife still in her body.

Sacrifices her own eye

Now lets take a quick look at some reasonable assertions for the mental "not punishment" she will likely suffer from after all of this:

Massive potential for PTSD just from the wounds alone

Losing an eye impacts her shooting which is a huge part of who she is and a link to her mother

A woman she shared a bed with levelled a rifle at her neck and pulled the trigger. Caitlyn thought she was going to die.. that doesn't just go away..

look at her face...

She is twenty four people....

4. Guilt over death toll of war

5. Guilt over Vi's possible death from downward spiral

6. Guilt over Vi's possible death from explosion in commune all born from Noxian;s arriving there

7. Guilt over everything done to the Undercity

8. Guilt over perversion of her families ventilation system

9. The fact that from season 1 Act 2 til now, she only ages a year and probably not even a whole one. Refer to my list in the beginning. She has not a single fucking second to breathe or heal from any of that shit

RESTITUTION:

So aside from willingly leading the battle that most of the undercity walked away from until Jinx shows up and almost dying for it, how does Caitlyn start to make things right you may ask? (because it is a start, for those who don't get that. This is the beginning of a story not an end). For the first time in what we understand to be the history of the twin cities, Zaun has a seat at the table. People are REALLLLYYYYY underselling this. I guess because they wanted a whole political treaty signed and to watch Caitlyn get shame-nunned through the street or something. IDK. But what I do know, is that Caitlyn gave away the ancestral seat of house Kiramman, and all the power and authority that came with it, and it now belongs to someone from the undercity. An equal voice. And it's just the beginning. It's not perfect. It's not all wrapped up in a big shiny bow, it feels real. Change isn't instant. It never has been and it never will be, and if you need that to feel fulfilled I understand, but this show was never going to be that for you.

Caitlyn Should Be Executed?:

So back to the original statement. Caitlyn should be executed in the name of peace between the cities. Well, I'll say this. if you see a 24 year old woman who inside of a year had her entire reality imploded, fell prey to the manipulations of a violent war monger close to 30 years her senior if not more, yet found her way back to herself and shed her own blood as a war hero TO SAVE HUMANITY, and your answer is she should be executed. Sure! So long as you admit you have the humanity of a toaster oven you fucking idiot.

To those of you who have continued to read, and share your thoughts, and been open to kind debate and discourse in good faith. You all mean the world to me. As I have said many times, opening myself up to this community has really happed my "real" life in a lot of ways and I love getting on here to appreciate and celebrate this story with all of you. That being said, this particular issue is so god damn irritating to me I am done being nice about it. Have a wonderful day!

[kcrabb88]

I think one of the things I've found most frustrating about sections of Star Wars fandom since being more active in it (rather than just being a Star Wars appreciator) is that some folks are constantly looking for a reason that the Jedi "caused" or worse "deserved" what was coming to them with Order 66. It's hard and horrible to watch the Jedi get slaughtered in Revenge of the Sith, so people search for a reason that it was, in some sense, justified. But that's not what genocide is. No group can "bring a genocide on themselves." It doesn't matter WHAT mistakes they may make. The whole point of the Clone Wars all the way down to destroying Jedha City in Rogue One was to wipe out not only the Jedi themselves, but the memory of them, so that the empire can fully take root.

And this is why the end of the Acolyte finale felt so so so bad to me. It was meant to be, or so I believed, a show about how the Sith were getting closer to their goal of getting rid of the Jedi as we close in on the century before The Phantom Menace. I sat there, I waited for the narrative intention to set in, and that narrative intention surprised me by saying "ah yes, well, some Jedi made mistakes and it was fine for one to be murdered HORRIBLY as a result, and the subsequent cover up of all of it is just the Jedi wanting to avoid senate knowledge of what really happened because the Jedi are too powerful." It's like, nevermind that the SENATE is the power here, and the Jedi long-ago agreed to help them out but are being shouldered with more and more and more and they may have the Force but they are still only people (which the High Republic books show REALLY well). It's like, nevermind that Star Wars is about redemption and always trying to be a better person and learning from our mistakes! It wasn't a situation, when Osha kills Sol in a nasty and cruel way, where you see a person going corrupt and know the narrative behind it is like "oh shit, this is a bad turn for them!" It felt like the narrative was saying she was justified (at least to me) and that's just. Sad? Bleak? The end of the finale felt to me like "hey, some Jedi made some mistakes while trying their best once, and that's why these Sith get to do whatever and that's why the Jedi walked right into their own demise."

When the scene with the senator happened, I thought, oh, interesting, we're going to see the prejudice against Force-sensitives here that leads to the senate clapping in the face of genocide. That leads to the safehouse in Kenobi where we see Force-sensitives carving messages of hope into the wall while they're being hunted down and killed. But that's ... not what happened. In the end, it felt like the narrative said, "yep that guy is right, the Jedi are a power-grabbing cult." It just felt bad, man. I thought this was going to be a story about the lineage leading up to Plagueis and Palpatine and I thought, interesting, I'd love to see that, but it just ended up being this messy thing with clunky writing and a bunch of loose ends that teased me with Jedi characters and then said "eh, these guys deserved it."

We got to see a kyber crystal bleeding for the first time in live action, and I can't even be excited about it! Did we ever really find out how Osha and Mae were created and what weird stuff the witches were up to? Nope! Just woah disappointing as far as even learning new stuff about how the dark side corrupts the Force, and that was one thing I was interested in as the show started to go downhill for me in later episodes.

(RIP Sol, Jecki, and Yord. You deserved better than that, and Vernestra, so did you)

[ytmanzwhore]

Chase It - 3

read parts one // two

summary: nellie and kate come face to face with a tornado

warnings: brief descriptions of injury!

an: Im glad folks are enjoying this!! tagging a few friends in the update @stillhere197 @thespillingvoid

"What did the tornado cowboy have to say?" Javi asked the girls as they sped down the road towards the building storm.

"Exactly what you'd expect," Kate looked at her laptop. 

"He's definitley needing a serving of humble pie," Nellie said under her breath as she cracked the window and felt the build around them. She closed her eyes and let that feeling wash over her after five years as Kate directed Javi closer to the cell. This is what addicts must feel, Nellie thought as she opened her eyes. Because that's the only reason she could be sitting here after the tragic storm five years ago, and the one that had followed that Spring.

Nellie observed the wind turbines on either side of them, many of them bending with the wind but some of them already beginning to shake in the face of the storm. "It's forming, just like you said," Javi said with excitement in his voice. Javi took some time to explain the plan to Nellie and Kate, and the red head could practically feel Kate's anxiety rocket as Javi's excitement increased. 

Their car headed further towards the cell while the other Storm Par vehicles split off to triangulate around the vortex. Nellie kept her eyes on the storm, watching in awe as it formed and began to descend to the ground. Her moment was abruptly interrupted as Javi had to yank the wheel to avoid the big red truck cutting them off. 

"It's like the wild wild west out here," Javi yelled as he adjusted, bringing their truck back onto the road. 

"Good god," Nellie laughed, watching as the truck veered off again to cut through the wind farm beside them. As Kate continued to guide Javi, the three of them went quiet as hail began to fall, taking them all back to five years ago. They were snapped out of their memory as they drove by a large grouping of cars and people, Javi honking as they all got out of the car to watch apparently Tyler's live stream. 

"It's the Tyler Owens' effect," Javi scoffed before the rest of the team began to call in with their locations and radar activations. "Where am I going Kate? I've gotta be within 300 meters of the front of the tornado."

Nellie watched as Kate looked out the front window. "Take these," Javi handed the girls goggles. "Are we getting close?"

"Just up here, in the clearing," Kate stuttered. Javi took the directions, pulling over and hopping out of the car. Nellie and Kate followed, Nellie following Javi to the tailgate while Kate stared at the storm in horror. 

"Get back in," Kate screamed at them, immediately getting in the driver seat and pulling away. "This isn't right."

Nellie ignored Javi's questions as she watched the car move out of the storms path, Kate pulling the car to a halt. 

"We're too far," Javi yelled as he looked back at the storm, shaking his head. Tyler chose that moment to drive by them.

"What are you doing out here?" Tyler asked with a grin. "Storms over there! Hey city girls." Javi's look could kill as Tyler pulled off with a laugh, driving directly towards the tornado. Nellie watched in wonder as the red truck went straight towards the vortex.

"Are those," Nellie gasped. "Fireworks?"

"Yep," Javi said dejectedly as Nellie let out a disbelieving laugh. 

"He's insane," Kate said as she got back in the car and the three of them headed back to the team. "I'm sorry Javi," she said in the tense silence of the car. 

"It's okay," Javi said as he pulled the car back to a stop. "We'll find another one, it's all part of the gig. I'm gonna check in with Scott."

"Dammit," Kate muttered as he shut the door behind him to call his pissy friend. 

"Don't beat yourself up," Nellie leaned forward to squeeze Kate's shoulder. "That was your first time coming face to face with one in five years. There was bound to be some issues. You weren't ready today."

"Yeah," she sighed as she looked back at Javi in the mirror. The man joined them, announcing they would be meeting up with the other guys at the motel. They pulled up to a familiar sight: a dingy motel, with storm chasers running around the parking lot after a long day. 

"Haven't we stayed here before?" Javi asked.

"Yeah, we've stayed in every motel in Oklahoma," Kate laughed. 

"Some of us more than once," Nellie grinned as the two laughed. 

"We used to have Addy check in," Javi reminisced. "And then we'd all sneak in. Have Addy do it because she was-"

"So sweet," Kate and Nellie said softly. 

"Y'all want to hang out tonight?" Javi asked abruptly, looking at Kate nervously. "I was just gonna shower, but we could come back out."

"I'm real tired," Kate excused. "But maybe another time?"

"Yeah, sure," Javi's smile was fake.  "All right, see you both tomorrow. It's good to have you back."

"I'm not back," Kate protested, but Javi just grinned. Nellie smiled softly as she turned back to the lot, seeing Tyler's team all settled around and huffing as she watched the man usually behind the camera poking at a gash on his arm. 

"City girls," Tyler said as Kate headed up the stairs and Nellie stopped by the three people at the foot of the truck. "Y'all said the East would give us a show."

"Didn't throw you off," Kate shot back with a smile. 

"That's what makes Tyler famous," the man with the gash said with a big smile.

"On youtube?" Kate asked while Nellie rolled her eyes, putting her bag down and smiling at the three members of Tyler's team watching her curiously. The brunette man gave off some youtube stats while Nellie pulled out her mini med kit, putting it on one of the camp chairs and waiting for the group to finish. 

"Can I get your surnames?" Ben asked as Kate looked down at him. "In case I mention you in my piece?"

"Just Kate and Nellie," Nellie interjected softly, offering Ben a kind smile. 

"These two are tricky," Tyler shook his head as his friend complimented her and Kate's call on the storm that day. While another member of the team explained cap to Ben, Nellie turned to the camera man. 

"Can I please clean that up before you catch an infection?" she raised a brow as the man's smile went wide. 

"If you wanted to get your hands on me sugar, you just had to ask," he said in a drawl as he hopped down from the truck bed, offering her his arm. "Name's Boone."

"Nice to meet ya," Nellie focused as she looked at the cut, prodding it for a second before Boone went on. 

"Right there behind ya, you got Dani, Dexter, and Lily," Boone's introduction were cut short by his yelp as Nellie surprised him by pouring peroxide over his cut. "Damn darlin, gotta warn a man before you start in with the pain play."

"Where did you guys all meet?" Kate asked. "Did you guys all study meteorology at the UofA?"

The group all laughed. "Nah, me," Boone laughed. "I go with the wind ya know? But him," he nodded up at Tyler. "He did, taught me everything I know."

"Aw," Nellie cooed as she wrapped up Boone's arm and Tyler got his friend to stop talking about him. "Is the tornado wrangler being bashful?"

"You," Tyler pointed a wrench at her and shook his head. "Our crew ain't like your crew. We don't need PhDs and fancy gadgets," Tyler said stiffly. "I guarantee this crew has seen more tornados than yours combined."

Nellie had to giggle at that as she finished up with Boone's arm, giving him a little tap. "Keep it clean please, and if you need more bandages, come to me, I've got a ton."

"Thank you nurse Nellie," Boone smiled brightly, Nellie returning it as she put her bag back together. 

"Where are y'all chasing tomorrow?" Lily asked as the red head headed up the stairs to join Kate.

"Nope, not falling for that again," Tyler cut them off. "These girls are from New York, can't trust a thing she says."

"Well, you can always trust a guy who put's his name on a t shirt," Kate said with a smirk, as Tyler's friends all laughed.

"Or wears a belt buckle with no scratches," Nellie shrugged as she followed after her friend, offering Tyler and the crew a finger wave as Lily and Dani's cackles followed them.

[chaosroid]

I've talked about this before in discord servers so I might as well share my thoughts here as well. I feel like the inclusion of polyamory in BG3 was handled sloppily. Let me preface this by saying I have no issue with poly in general. Really, it's the way it was executed in this game that confuses me. More specifically, it doesn't make sense to me how the poly companions (Shadowheart and Astarion) react to certain dialogue options you can pick and the inconsistencies in characterization that come with it.

If you suggest an open relationship with Shadowheart regarding another companion, she is completely against the idea and explicitly tells you she doesn't want to be your spare lover.

Yet, shortly into act 3, her entire stance changes when it comes to Halsin and she's suddenly cool with it. And before you say "Oh well, she knows Halsin isn't a serious romantic partner so she's not worried", that's the thing, he CAN be a serious romantic partner. And one of the things you can tell her is "He wants me, and I want him. I'm not sure there's space for you and I", ultimately treating Shadowheart like, well, essentially a spare lover, and she's not only fine with it, but encourages this. Does she just not know that your relationship with Halsin can be serious? Because otherwise it feels very ooc for her.

I feel like none of this would've been an issue if SH was just written from the start to be okay in a poly relationship with every companion, instead of this flip fop where she's not okay with it for two entire acts before suddenly being okay with it in act 3 but it's weirdly exclusive to only Halsin. It's that inconsistency that lowkey bothers me.

I have similar issues with Astarion, because some of his reactions to what you can say makes no sense either. Here you have a man who just started rediscovering his sexual boundaries, but when you tell him you want to hook up with Halsin, he'll ask if it's only because he's not putting out enough. You can prove his worry correct and apparently he's okay with this (the dev notes confirm it).

We're supposed to believe he's not hurt by what you said? 'Oh gee, I finally wanna be seen for more than a sex slave but I'm totally fine with my partner fucking someone else the second I refuse sexual intimacy because of my trauma!'. It's just so in bad taste.

You can say things that go completely against what Astarion and SH would want to hear, and they'll still be like "Yep, alright! Have fun with Halsin!". This game has some of the most mature representations of sexual trauma but will then simultaneously turn around and reduce these characters to fanservice, because the people need to have their cake and eat it too I guess.

And sure, you can make the argument that they only trust Halsin with this sort of thing. But the fact that Halsin and his romance only got added late into the game because of horny fans from EA leads me to believe that the far simpler answer is that it was just tacked on last minute without much thought given to whether or not it would actually make sense. Halsin and SH don't even like each other in act 2, she honestly has more chemistry with Karlach (a companion who can actually fantasize about threesomes in her origin btw) and was smitten with her as early as act 1. But I guess for all the folks who wanted a fully wlw poly relationship, that's just not possible because your only option is a man :)

Again, I have nothing against Astarion and SH being poly. It's their jarring responses to some of Tav's dialogue options, in which I genuinely don't believe they would be okay with hearing those things nor would they respond so flippantly.

tl;dr They would not fucking say that

[dumpsterfire-daydreams]

TW: Drinking/Intoxication, Drinking Games, Friendly 141, Drunk König, Jealous Ghost, Possessive Ghost, Dominant Ghost, Flirty Soap, Playful Soap

Translations:

"Ye feart of a wee nip?" - Scottish slang for "You scared of a little kiss?"

"Jessie" - Scottish slang for "coward"

...is it too obvious that I want them all?

Reader POV:

The music was already quite loud from outside the club doors. But the minute they swung open, the pounding rhythm of electronic dance music hit you full force. The thrashing beat vibrated through your whole body, instantly making you feel alive and eager to dance. But there were patrons pressing in on all sides as everyone else surged forward with the same goal in mind.

Thankfully, Ghost pulled you along through the crowd and made a beeline for the bar. You reached back and took König’s hand in yours, pulling him along with you as Ghost pressed on through the ruckus. When you finally reached the bar, it was still crowded with people. But the numbers had thinned just a bit and there were a few open seats available. Ghost pulled one out for each of you, but he was content to stand.

"What do you like to drink, Princess?” He shouted, cupping his hand around his mouth. “Tonight's on me."

"Oh, thanks! I like Long Island Iced Tea a lot.."

"Of course? König, you want anything?"

König paused to think for a moment. "A Jagertee, please? If they have it?"

"Alright then,” Ghost said, giving a curt nod. “Sounds good to me."

After a moment, the bartender rushed over to take your orders. Though he was no doubt stressed by the constant drink requests, he had a cheery smile and friendly eyes.

"Sorry for the wait, folks," he laughed, wiping his hands on the front of his apron. "Name’s Elliot. As you can see, we're pretty slammed tonight. But what can I get started for you?"

"Nothing fancy," Ghost said, having to raise his voice over the noise. "Just bourbon. Neat."

"I like it," he grinned, jotting the order down before turning to you. "And for you, miss?"

You opened your mouth to speak, but Ghost quickly stepped in.

"She'll have a Long Island Iced Tea. And he'll have a Jagertee, if that’s something you can make."

Elliot pulled out his phone, looking up the unfamiliar beverage. As he perused, he nodded excitedly. "Yep, I think I can make that work. Are we doing separate tabs tonight?"

Ghost didn’t respond, simply draping one arm over your shoulder before resting the other on König’s. He held the bartender’s gaze all the while, his unspoken response was clear.

When the meaning dawned on him, Elliot grinned and closed his notepad with a snap. "Alrighty, together it is. I'll have those right out for ya!"

Ghost gave him a nod of gratitude and turned away from the bar. He leaned back against the countertop, crossing his arms over his chest and casually eyeing the rowdy crowd of partygoers.

"Thank you for this, Ghost," König yelled, leaning towards him. "It's very kind."

Ghost’s eyes smiled behind his mask. "My pleasure."

Once the bartender handed off your drinks, you all returned to weaving through the crowd towards the small seating area. You craned your neck in an effort to spot the rest of your crew. A little ways ahead, you saw Soap waving both arms over his head to catch your eye. He was standing at a table where Price and Alejandro were already seated. And the three of you were eager to join them.

"What took you guys so long?" Soap laughed, taking a long sip from his drink. "Thought we lost ya for a minute there."

"Just needed a chat to set things right," Ghost shrugged, meeting Price’s gaze across the table. "Wanted to keep my word and get rid of any tension between us."

"Oh," Price leaned in, intrigued. "And how did it go? Y/n?"

"It went great," you said, shyly. "I think we can finally bury the hatchet. Ghost’s not a bad guy after all! I like him."

Price beamed with pride. "Fantastic! See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

Soap nudged Alejandro, motioning for him to scoot over so the three of you could join them on the bench.

"That’s a pure tidy choker ya got there, lass," he chirped as you slid onto the bench beside him. "Real cute."

You felt heat quickly rising on your face, but smiled through it. "Thanks! I think so too."

Ghost quickly settled in beside you, stretching out with a sigh as König sat down next to him. The significance of the collar hidden in plain sight paired with Ghost’s thigh snugly pressed against yours? It gave you a thrill. Smiling to yourself at the naughty secret, you took a sip of you drink. You braced for the sharp flavor of alcohol, but were surprised when there was none at all! It was absolutely delicious! You weren’t fooled though. From the way it instantly warmed your stomach, you knew there was a potent mixture of vodka and tequila hidden within it. You quickly took another sip, reminding yourself to be careful just how many of these you had tonight.

“So,” Ghost began, resting his forearms on the tabletop. “What did we miss?”

“Not much,” Price laughed. “Soap here was trying to explain a drinking game to us. What was it called again? Jinx or some rubbish like that?”

“It’s called high jinks! An old classic.”

You perked up, more than ready for some fun to start. “Oh? I’ve never heard of it. How do we play?”

Soap rummaged in his pockets and produced a pair of dice.

“Here’s how it goes. First, we all decide some dirty deed that befalls the unlucky loser. Then, we go ‘round the table and roll the dice. You read em low number first, higher number second.”

He demonstrated, shaking the die in his hand before tossing them on the table.

“I got a 2 and a 6, so that would be a score of 26. If you get a number higher than your neighbor, you get to take a drink! But if you get a lower one, you either have to do whatever dirty deed the team has in store for you or you're out of the game.”

“And if I was to play. And I said if ,” Alejandro laughed. “How do we win?”

“You win by being the last man standing. That or all of us are too pished to keep it up. So who’s in?”

One by one, everyone at the table began to raise their hand. Rolling his eyes in jest, Alejandro raised his hand as well. You quickly rose your hand and was pleased to see both Ghost and König follow suit. With a full table of willing participants, Soap rubbed his hands together. His eyes sparkled with mischief as his grin widened.

“Right then!” He lowered his voice, leaning in conspiratorially. “What’s our first dare?”

--------------------

It wasn’t long before the game was in full swing. Laughter roared from the booth and the drinks continued to arrive in a steady flow. So far, the antics hadn't been anything too terrible. Alejandro had lost in the first round. So he begrudgingly rose from his seat to ask a pretty girl for her number. Even Soap had lost a round! But if his punishment bothered him at all, he hadn’t shown it. He’d put his whole heart into his performance, dutifully dancing on the table to the delight of his teammates. Price spent a majority of the moment bowled over in laughter and Alejandro had his phone at the ready to capture the scene.

You snorted when he stopped in front of your seat to gyrate his hips in your face. And when you tucked a dollar bill into the waistband of his pants, the clamor rose all over again. Even Ghost and König laughed nearly to the point of tears.

With a flourished bow, Soap reveled in the team’s applause before hopping down from the table and reclaiming his seat.

“I dare anyone to top that,” he beamed, helping himself to another drink. “Now what’s next?”

The table went quiet as everyone plotted the perfect punishment for the next loser. You crossed your arms and sat back, deep in thought. You wanted the next one to be perfect. Who knew how long the game would go? Suddenly, König sat up and raised his hand.

“How about this?” he giggled. “The next loser has to make out with Price.”

You almost choked on your drink. König was definitely drunk or tipsy, at the very least. Because you never would have expected that kind of idea from him. From Soap, it would have been completely unsurprising. But from König? It was totally off brand!

Soap was all for it, giggling and clapping his hands in anticipation. “Oh, I love this already! Ye feart of a wee nip, captain’?”

“If you’re asking what I think you are, I’m not the one to ask. I don’t wanna get a black eye tonight,” Price chuckled, gesturing at you and König. “I’m alright with it if you two are.”

“I’m not a sore loser,” König shrugged, sipping at his drink. “If I lose, I will take my punishment. Maus?”

Your eyes flitted to König and then to Ghost. König’s eyes were full of excitement, so you knew he had no complaints about the proposition. But Ghost’s expression was unreadable behind his mask. You tried to subtly ask permission with your eyes, but he just stared back and crossed his arms.

“Choose,” he murmured in a monotone voice, raising his mask to take a swig of his bourbon. You saw his jaw clench, but he didn’t speak any further.

“Welp, I tried,” you said to yourself with a shrug before turning back to Price.

“You can count me in,” you laughed. But you jokingly narrowed your eyes at Soap, nudging him with your elbow. “But I haven’t lost yet and don’t plan on losing now.”

Soap smirked, sliding the dice across the table towards Price to start the round. “Oho! We’ll see about that!”

Price shook the dice in his hand, pausing to blow on them for good luck before letting them fall.

“Ha, twenty-one. Beat that!” he bellowed, passing them along to Alejandro before sipping his old-fashioned.

Alejandro let them fly and was quite pleased when he rolled a thirty-six. But Soap quickly scooped them up and shook them in both hands. He drew out the suspense for a good while, too. It wasn’t until Price told him to quit stalling that he finally let the dice clatter against the table. And when they rolled to a stop, the team oohed and ahhed at his result. He’d rolled a twenty-two!

“Vaya! That was a close one!” Alejandro shook his head in awe.

“A shame, too,” Soap smirked at Price, puckering his lips. “I was gonna land a good one on ya.”

The captain rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Shut up and pass the dice.”

Everyone leaned in as you plucked the dice from the table. Taking a page out of Price’s book, you blew into your hand as you shook them. And with a deep breath, you opened your hand and let the dice slip from your grasp. Silence settled over the group as the dice chose your fate.

“Fourteen, eh?” Soap announced with a click of his tongue. “Looks like your luck ran out after all, lass. Pucker up or you’re out~”

“Fine,” you sighed, nudging Ghost to let you out of the booth.

König quickly stood, eager to see your punishment play out. But Ghost took his sweet time scooting across the bench before finally stepping out of your way. You felt your face burn a bit as you made your way over to where Price sat. There was laughter in his eyes as he quirked an eyebrow at you.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Y/n,” he offered, watching your approach. “You can always sit out until the next round.”

“Yeah, if you’re a jessie,” Soap teased. He took another sip of his drink, excitement plain on his face. “Come on, it's just a kiss!”

“Sorry, John,” you said, tugging your dress down before sitting next to him. “I’m too competitive to back out now.”

After Soap's recent performance, you knew you'd have to add a bit of spice to one up him. So, you threw a leg over Price's thigh to straddle his lap, resting your hands on his shoulders. Ever the respectful gentleman, Price didn’t presume to touch you. He let his hands sit idly on the bench as you shut your eyes and leaned in. It wasn’t a bad kiss. And he tentatively kissed you back. His lips were soft and the coarse hairs of his mustache tickled. He tasted warm, like alcohol and cigar smoke. After a few seconds, you backed off.

“Damn, that was sexy as hell,” Soap said with a laugh. “You feeling okay over there, captain? Need to go tug one off in the men’s room?”

Price smiled, patting your leg to signal that you could climb off his lap. “Okay, let’s not go making things inappropriate,” he chided.

You laughed, giving the team a little bow before heading back to your side of the table. König’s eyes were wide in surprise, but there was a spark of intrigue in them too. He giggled again, giving you a nod of admiration as he stepped aside. “Well done, Maus!”

He handed the dice to Ghost, who looked far less amused though. He stood at the entrance to your side of the bench with his arms crossed, blocking your way. And there was a glint of both jealousy and possessiveness in his eyes. The bottom of his mask was still lifted, which revealed his lips pressed into a thin line of displeasure.

“I ain’t kissing my captain if I lose,” he growled, shaking the dice in his hand. “But how about this? Since she’s in such a generous mood, I’ll kiss her instead.”

A collective gasp went up around the table. But you ignored the reaction, keeping your eyes locked on Ghost.

“Fine,” you shot back, boldly accepting his challenge.

Ghost discarded the dice onto the table behind him, not even stopping to look at his score before yanking you into an aggressive kiss. His hands gripped your body, pressing you flush against him as his lips claimed yours with a hungry growl. And you let him, giving in to the brazen display. It was not a gentle kiss. He kissed you recklessly, desperately. He kissed you as if he wanted to wipe every last memory of the previous kiss from your mind and body. And when he finally let you go, you were flushed and gasping for breath.

Everyone else looked on in stunned silence, jaws on the floor. Even König was surprised Ghost had shown his hand so unexpectedly. But Ghost was unbothered. He was smirking, eyeing the rest of the team as you bashfully reclaimed your seat.

“What? If you’re gonna kiss her, at least do it right,” he shot Price a look before pulling out a cigarette. “Need a smoke. I’ll be back.”

“Por Dios,” Alejandro laughed, watching him go in disbelief. He moved to exit the booth shortly afterwards. “After what I just saw, I think I need another drink.”

Price’s gaze flitted between you and König before realization hit him. With a knowing smirk, he downed the rest of his beverage and stood to let Alejandro out. “I think I’ll join you.”

"Could you get me one too, König?" You raised your empty glass.

“Of course,” König chirped, grabbing your cup before hurrying off behind them.

The only person left at the table was Soap. And you half expected him to slip away, too. But he was more than content to stay exactly where he was. He sat there mixing his drink with his straw, eyeing you with increased interest.

“So,” he leaned in, grinning mischievously. “You and Ghost, huh?”

You flushed bright red, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Rubbish, you can’t fool me,” he snickered, poking your arm. “You’re just picking us off one by one, aren’t you? Trying to add as many soldiers to your roster as you can?”

“No! Oh my god," you covered your face with your hands, continuing in a timid whisper. "I-König likes to… share. So now, I'm kinda dating Ghost, too. Please don't tell anyone, though. Okay?"

"My lips are sealed. But after that kiss? I don’t think anyone needs tellin'."

"Fuck, I'm so embarrassed. I don’t want you guys to think I'm a slut or something!"

Soap adamantly shook his head.

"Oh please, far from it! We're all grown here, we don't judge. Personally, I'm impressed,” he sat back, crossing his arms behind his head. “I thought you took the cake this morning. But never in my life have I seen Ghost do something like that. He’s got it bad for you, lass. Real bad.”

You relaxed a bit, relieved you hadn't ruined the friendly dynamic you had built with the team. Soap rubbed your back, assuring you everything would be just fine. Across the room, you could see König headed your way with a fresh drink. And everyone else was right behind him.

"Before they get back," he whispered, waggling his eyebrows. "Ya got room for one more?"

You stammered, completely caught off guard. But your surprise turned to playful annoyance when Soap fell into a fit of laughter.

"Relax! I'm just giving you a hard time. But oh, that face was priceless!" he continued laughing at his own joke before finishing off his drink. "But I'll say this. If duty ever calls, I'll answer~"

"Lovely," you shook your head, giving him a playful shove. "I'll remember that."

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

[madlori]

The Claw is our master.

I've had a few folks in DMs ask me how/why/when my shipping did such a completey 180. It's a fair question. I am, after all, someone who spent the last 2 years fervently Buddie shipping, writing fic for them, doing the same hoping/analyzing/searching etc that everyone else (well...not exactly the same, I've always been skeptical of most of the theories and such because I don't believe in a production's ability to be that sneaky, covert or mischievous).

And yet, here I am. I can't really even pretend I'm still a Buddie shipper anymore. Initially I said sure, I still hope for it. I...can't in all honesty say that now. I've firmly decamped for BuckTommy Land. Is this a recipe for heartbreak if they eventually breakup? Sure, but that's always a risk. No more than shipping a non-canon pairing, anyway.

And there's nothing wrong with shipping a non-canon pairing. People do it every day. Hell, it's practically the backbone of fandom. Obsessing about ships being canon is a one-way ticket to dissatisfaction and sometimes total unraveling. I've seen it happen more times than I can count over 30 years in online fandoms.

But if that's the case, why didn't I stay on Team Buddie? Why did I defect so thoroughly that I'm at the point now where not only do I not think Buddie will ever happen, I don't want it to, because I now want to see something different from those two characters, something I believe we will actually get from the writers.

The answer to that question is: I have no idea.

People ask this like I'm somehow in control of it. I'm not. The Fandom Brain is like The Claw in Toy Story. The Claw is our Master. The Claw decided who will go and who will stay.

Fandom Brain is my master. It decides what I'm going to ship, what I'm going to be fannish about and what I'm not, and when I'm going to stop feeling fannish about something. I have zero say in the matter, I'm just along for the ride. At some point in every fandom I have ever been in, my Fandom Brain has, usually with no provocation, decided "Ok we're done with this fandom now." And nothing I can do will make that not true. I can't force it. I can't cajole it. It just is.

Similarly, Fandom Brain has decided "Welp, we're done with this pairing now. We like THIS pairing now. Proceed." Are there reasons? I'm sure there are.

Is it just that it's a canon pairing? Possibly. There is something very seductive about a canon pairing after so long of looking for crumbs and tiny hints where there (mostly) none to find. But I've shipped plenty of non-canon pairings before.

Is it that I prefer Tommy/Lou to Eddie/Ryan? Absolutely not. I love Eddie, always have. I admit to being slightly more of a Buck girlie, but that doesn't mean Eddie means nothing to me.

Is it the immediate gratification? Maybe. Is it just how the relationship's being written? Possibly. Is it just a mental adjustment for my belief that Buddie will never happen, and Eddie will always be straight? Likely. But that doesn't change the outcome.

So here I sit, just...yep. Sometimes it just be like that. I didn't choose this, it's just what my brain decided was going to work for me going forward. If this goes up in smoke, my brain will choose something else, whether it's to run back to Buddie, or be done with 9-1-1 entirely, or who knows what else?

The good news for any of you who follow my writing is that I'm still working on the next Husbros installment. That universe is removed enough from the canon that it almost feels separate to me now, and I'm still feeling connected to it. Yes, I've written a few short BT fics, but so far I've not had any lengthy or involved plot bunnies for it.

So there you have it. I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. I don't know if I'd have chosen this if I could, but tbh I'm having a pretty good time with it so far, so. That's probably a big part of the reason.

[tinycoded360]

lilliput Adventures Chapter 5

@gt-daboss @voraciousvore @emijkoxy

*Knock, knock, Knock*

Tori rolled over, bringing her pillow with her, trying to block out the sound.

*knock, Knock, Knock. *

This time, knocking jolted Tori awake. She sat up with a gasp, heart pounding.

"Victoria? Honey, are you alright in there?" Her mom's concerned voice carried through the door. Tori’s eyes widened as the door to her room opened.

Tori's eyes darted around the room, scanning for any sign of the tiny Lilliputians. The sheets and floor were empty. Oh no, where were they?

Tori’s eyes darted back to the entrance of her room. Her parents stood at the threshold of her room.

"Uh, y-yeah, Mom, I'm fine!" Tori called, trying to keep the panic from spreading through her voice.“What's up?"

"Well, it's almost noon," her mom replied. "I just wanted to check on you and make sure everything is okay. We saw the car out front."

Tori swallowed hard. "Yep, all good! Nothing’s wrong!” She held her breath, hoping they would believe her.

"Doesn't look like nothing," her father interjected, his brows furrowed in paternal worry. "The windshield is smashed! And you're home early. Something's not right. What happened?”

"I wasn't feeling great," Tori lied, darting her gaze away from their probing eyes. "Thought I might be coming down with something, so I left early. And then, on the way..." She let her voice trail off as if gathering her thoughts.

"And then what?" her mother prompted, gently touching Tori's arm to urge her to continue.

"On the way home," Tori continued, a flush creeping up her neck, "a deer jumped out in front of the car. I swerved to miss it, but...you know, the windshield... got smashed pretty badly….. I’ll need to get it fixed."

Tori's mother hesitated, her lips parted as if to question further or nag Tori on such reckless actions, but with a glance exchanged between the parents, the unspoken words hung suspended in the air. Her father simply patted Tori on the back, a silent nod affirming their decision not to pry.

"Alright then," he said, his voice steady but eyes still clouded with concern. "We're here if you need anything, Tor."

"Thanks, Dad," Tori replied, her voice nearly a whisper. Her gratitude was genuine despite her gnawing guilt for the deception.

Her mother offered a warm smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes; her daughter’s story didn’t sit right with her. Tori watched as her parents left her room. She quickly went to her door and shut it behind them. She breathed out a sigh of relief.

After a long pause, she heard their footsteps retreat down the hall. Tori exhaled in relief, shoulders slumping.

Her head swiveled left and right. "Telwin?" she whispered urgently. "Fildor? Mavri? Where are you guys?"

A flash of red hair peeked out from under the bed. Mavri stood and waved her tiny arms.

Tori lowered herself onto her hands and knees, careful not to make any sudden movements that might startle her tiny companions. Mavri had her hands on her hips, looking up expectantly. Behind her, Fildor, Telwin, Linric, and Silvo emerged one by one from the shadows beneath the bed frame. They looked disheveled but unharmed.

"Thank goodness," Tori breathed. "I was so worried. I'm sorry about my parents, I hope they didn't scare you."

Fildor dusted off his tunic. "It's quite alright, Tori. We're getting used to all the giant-sized interruptions around here."

Silvo shook her head. "Still don't know how we'll manage with your folks and that Trina girl nosing around. Seems mighty risky if you ask me."

"Tori, we need to talk," Mavri spoke with authority.

Tori's fingers fidgeted nervously, her guilt bubbling to the surface. "Mavri, I'm so sorry about what happened with Trina. I never meant for any of you to get hurt. I should've protected you better, and I just-"

Fildor held up a hand, his gruff voice cutting through her apology. "That's not what this is about, lass. What's done is done."

Mavri nodded, her eyes softening slightly. "Fildor's right. We've come to realize that getting home may not be possible right now. Those model boats you bought are not seaworthy. We're trapped here, Tori. And we need to figure out what that means for our future."

"You can stay with me," Tori said, her voice steadier than she felt. "I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. I promise."

Telwin approached, his small hand patting her knee in a gesture of gratitude. "We appreciate that, Tori. Truly. But there are some things even you can't protect us from."

As if on cue, Tori's phone buzzed on the nightstand. She reached up, her hand trembling slightly as she grabbed the device. The screen lit up with a new message from Trina.

+From Trina+

-Ur Real stupid, u know that? -

-I know where u live-

-those things are mine-

-u think u can keep them hidden? I'm calling the cops. They’ll find them, I’ll tell them u stole something from me.-

Tori's blood ran cold, her breath catching in her throat. Tori's mind raced, desperately searching for a solution. She couldn't let Trina hurt them, but she also couldn't risk them being taken away. Tori’s hands started to shake, and her breath started coming in faster and faster.

Tori felt a small weight on her abdomen, pulling her attention away from the ominous text messages. She ignored it, too caught up in her own thoughts and worries.

Telwin climbed up Tori’s shirt, his tiny hands gripping the fabric as he ascended the mountain of her body. She remained still, her breath shallow, as he made his way to her shoulder. *Poor lass hasn’t even noticed me…*

Telwin peered at the phone screen, scowling as he read the threatening words. He patted Tori's face, his touch gentle yet startling the giantess. Instinctively, she jerked back, but Telwin maintained his grip, refusing to be thrown off.

"Easy there, giant," he said, his voice calm and reassuring. "Take a deep breath. We'll figure this out together."

Tori nodded, mimicking Telwin's exaggerated breathing. Slowly, the tightness in her chest began to ease, and the panic that had gripped her moments ago started to subside.

From the floor, Silvo's voice cut through the tension. "The other giants might want to hurt us, Tori. We need more than just your protection."

Linric, standing beside Silvo, nodded vigorously. "She's right. We can't be out in the open like this all the time. It's too risky."

Silvo shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Maybe we can live in your walls."

Mavri stepped forward, her voice carrying the weight of her people's fate. "We've already lost so many on our journey. An ocean trip on a poor craft would spell certain death. “Her eyes grew distant, haunted by memories. “We've thought about it, Tori, and if we stay, we'll need backup plans to escape any unfriendlies."

Suddenly, an idea sparked in her mind, and her eyes widened with excitement. "My uncle!" she exclaimed, causing the tiny people to look up at her in surprise. "He has a boat down at the dock, it’s an Inboard fishing boat.He's usually away on long trips, but he's back for the month."

Tori's heart raced as she continued, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I could borrow it, try to get you home if you know the way. It's not a perfect solution, but it's a chance, right?" She ignored to mention that she’d need to convince her uncle to take her out there or do something she had never done before……steel it.

The Lilliputians exchanged glances, a flicker of hope igniting in their eyes. Mavri spoke up, her voice cautiously optimistic. "If we could get a look at some maps, we might be able to figure out the correct route."

Tori nodded eagerly, her mind already racing with the logistics of their potential journey.

Tori reached for her phone, her fingers trembling slightly as she navigated to the browser. "Maps, right. Let me see what I can find online," she said, her voice laced with determination.

The Lilliputians gathered closer. Tori held her phone down so they could see. She scrolled through the search results, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Fildor traced a route with his finger, his voice low and thoughtful. "If we follow this current here, we might be able to retrace our way back….”

Linric nodded, his expression grave. "It won't be an easy journey, but it's our best chance."

Tori felt nervous but determined. She wanted to help them as much as she could. It was just a matter of convincing her uncle to take her on a trip. She refused to consider the alternative of just ‘borrowing’ his boat for a bit.

"I'll talk to my uncle first thing in the morning," she said, her voice more steady than she felt.

Telwin, still perched on Tori's shoulder, gave her a gentle pat. "We can't thank you enough, Tori."

Tori blushed. Her hands still shook from all the excitement. *How am I gonna do this? There’s no way Uncle Jim will take me out that far…...*

Chapter 1

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[usmsgutterson]

I think I might have fallen in love- realization fics! Fics with this prompt can be the realization of anything--a characters imminent death, the moment wherein someone realizes they've been betrayed, or they can be super fluffy and detail the moment a character realizes they're in love, the moment where they realize they can see a future with the reader--perhaps one that entails settling down or one that involves leaving the past behind--, the moment where they realize that they want to marry them! Anything goes with this prompt, and I'll write 1-5k words using it!

OKAY- what about nikolai x reader. and it's where he realizes he wants to marry her. maybe r thinks of a solution to some matter of state and he watches in awe how she handles the questions and gets the other's attention. and he's just like "yep. i'm gonna make her my bride" or something like that :)

Motion- N.L x fem! reader

okay, hi! This came out a bit later than I meant for it to--I decided a few weeks ago to plan out a duology to try to complete during NaNoWriMo and that took up a lot of my headspace, where trying to make sure my mental health was on track and I was breathing in something other than stale apartment air took up the rest of it. However, I am so sorry for how late this is coming out regardless!

On another note, my requests close next friday! They close at 11:30 pm AST (which is around 7:30 PST) and hopefully, what remains of my requests will be done by that point. Fall event requests are open until the second and my holiday event will come out sometime between the 24th of November and the 1st of December.

Fic type- fluff

Warnings- none

You and Nikolai were sitting in a meeting, debating with the Grisha triumvirate and several other relevant court members who sat in on Ravkas ever growing list of issues. You'd thrummed your way from matters of inter-palace discontent through matters of civilian discontent and you were up to matters of state.

Nikolai was getting bored watching everyone bicker, each of them trying to stop one another from getting a word in, but you looked as though you'd just gotten started. Nikolai could've sworn you were smirking slightly as you watched Zoya snap at a general, ready to throw a gust of wind at him--one so powerful that it knocked him through the meeting room wall--and barely managing to restrain herself. You looked as though, despite the fact that you weren't Grisha, you were ready to do the same thing.

Genya looked ready to tailor someone into a very ugly version of themself and David simply looked as though he wanted to go back to his work, like he was mad at the fact of his obligations as a member of the triumvirate for pulling him away from it.

"And before you start, Novikov," you started. Nikolai turned his attention to you, smile on his face. "Let me talk my way through this, yeah? You start talking and you might find yourself unable to fill your britches because you simply don't know enough. It's not a matter of the people--it's a matter of the funds we're able to allocate to the cities. If we can allocate enough to cities both big and small then we're setting ourselves up for an economic boom that starts at the big cities, moves to the small ones. It moves to the towns, and from the towns it moves back to us."

"How do you expect Ravka of all places to be able to do such a thing?" Novikov asks, bushy eyebrows furrowed at your suggestion.

"We can get tourists in," you said. "Ravka is broke--that is absolutely not a surprise to anyone in this room. However, to appeal to those who can only afford to take one vacation a year we advertise the cities. The ones with good-quality but still cheap hotels, honest working parents and saintstales as old as the country itself."

"And what of the rich folks?" David asked. "I mean--we can't advertise Ravka for tourism without aiming somewhere that will actually make a difference one trip on, can we?"

"Palace tours," you said. "The Grand Palace--we can make it a tourist spot Friday through Monday, twelve hours, with options for individual touring, group touring, or guided versions of the same. I'll be a bloody guide if I need to, but I know that there are people somewhere who are passionate about Ravkas history to be willing to volunteer their time."

'And how long is this going to take to pay off our debts?" Novikov asked. "I mean--nobody will go for it if it takes us longer than a decade."

"If it takes us longer than a decade, the youngest of us in the room have a chance at seeing it in the last year or two before we hit forty," Genya said. "Nikolai is twenty-four at the current, which means it would take sixteen years if it were to be such a strenuous plan."

"It's not," You said. "Tours of the palace will take two hours going at a slow pace if my walks of the Grand Palace are to have proved anything. If we get six volunteers, then that's one to cover every tour everyday. Ticket prices can be set at 20 coin for a general admission, 10 for children and fifteen for seniors. Max the group allowance at groups of ten and that ranges from 100-200 coin just off the gate. Take that and multiply it by six, and we have 600-1200 coin going back into the coffers of those to whom Ravka is indebted. It'll be volunteer based because the saints know we cannot afford to pay the guides but I would do a twelve hour workday just to prove that my idea is the right move."

"And what benefits could we offer in place of wages?"

"A hot meal when shifts are done, a room at the Little Palace and food by an irrefutable line of direction. We could also put them on palace staffing lists officially so they'd at least be making the minimum wage, but I think that such would constitute as fraudulent somewhere."

Nikolai was deep in thought when you brought up that last point, but with one squeeze from your hand he was back to reality.

"If they would be willing to take a room in the Little Palace for the duration of time during which tours take place, then it wouldn't violate any laws--they'd be working within the palaces, allowing their placement onto the palace staff."

"What is your estimate on how long it would take?" Novikov asked. "On how long the combination of marketing the cities and the palace tours would take to pay off our debts and refill the war treasury?"

Nikolai had been looking at you how he always did--like you were the love of his life. As he watched you answer what both of you had hoped tto be Novikovs last question, he came to a realization.

"A minimum of five years," you said. "And that is with the tours going all year round. If we could have the tours going daily it would probably still be the same such estimate--we're more than one million kruge in debt with Kerch, double that with Novyi Zem, Novikov. The process for clearing Ravka of it's debts is not something that will be instantaneous unless you're willing to sell your home and give the funds to the cause? According to reports I've seen, your home could have us reasonably jumped forward if you sell it for it's maximum monetary value?"

Nikolai could see it right in front of him--two years from then, a ceremony. Watching you walk down the isle, a coronation where you were crowned as queen. A life as your husband, a life with you as his wife.

He glanced at the ring finger on his left hand--it was looking awfully bare, but if you said yes when Nikolai proposed, which he decided he would do right then, it would not look bare for the rest of his life.

"All in favor?" Nikolai asks, giving your hand a squeeze as the thought solidifies itself fully in his mind.

I am going to make her my bride.

Everyone, including a rather embarrassed Novikov, said "I" and you grinned victoriously.

Your plan was barely in motion, but it was starting to gain traction still. As Nikolai pressed a kiss to your cheekbone and the two of you moved to leave the meeting room, the same could be said of his.

[nkjemisin]

Things in my ask box

Hi folks. Every so often I get questions from folks that are good, but which I worry might catch them some flak from my other readers or whoever. Sometimes I answer those people privately, but in general I prefer not to do private replies to asks; for one thing, other people might want to know the answer, and for another, I've had a few awkward situations result from doing so (basically just people going parasocial on me), and I think that sort of thing is less likely when it's clear I'm talking to everyone. So, I'm going to handle these awkward asks by just treating them as Q&A questions -- without showing that person's username and where necessary, altering the question in order to protect their identity. I've got a few of these stored up, but just gonna do two this time for length and time reasons. I'll get to the rest later.

Are you a proshipper?

Yep. Feel free to alter your decision re following me on social media now that you've read that answer. But I believe in "don't like, don't read," and that fiction doesn't indicate what an author really believes (because it's fiction), and that there's no subject matter too immoral to explore on its face (everything depends on the execution), so... yep.

2. I love the Broken Earth trilogy, but I have to say, the middle book really didn't go anywhere, literally. Essun stayed in Castrima and Nassun moved around a little more but mostly stayed in the same place too. It killed a lot of the story momentum for me. Why did you decide to do this?

[spoilers for Broken Earth books, though I'll try to minimize them and will put a "read more" before I get there]

Because I felt like it. I'm not saying that defensively, I'm just noting that the answer to pretty much any question you might ask a writer about why they do a particular thing is... because they felt like it. Period full stop. Sorry that wasn't what you wanted to read! It was, however, the story I wanted to tell.

To elaborate... different people have different expectations of trilogies. That's because there are a lot of different ways to handle them, narratively speaking. Sometimes a trilogy is really a group of shared-universe stories taking place in the same world but not necessarily featuring the same characters, and with unrelated plots. Some are telling a single story, but through different POVs and smaller plot arcs that each have their own terminuses; that's what I did with the Inheritance Trilogy, for example. And sometimes, as I did with the Broken Earth books, the author is just telling one big story broken up into three parts. (There are more ways to do a trilogy than this, but let's keep this brief, lol.)

Now, there are a lot of ways to handle this kind of story, but a pattern that most of us are used to is:

Book One: Introduction to the world and important characters and the apparent stakes;

Book Two: Deep dive into the important characters and world, thus giving the audience a reason to care more; and

Book Three: Now we really know the stakes and shit just got real! Now we care what happens to the characters when EVERYTHING! BLOWS!! UP!!!

(I am feeling very silly today, sorry.)

We're familiar with this pattern because we see it all the time, especially in American media. It's a variation on the three-act structure seen in plays and other narratives. It's the basis of our most popular longform stories! The original Star Wars trilogy did it. The Mass Effect trilogy did it. (Andromeda was a separate story, probably meant to be the start of a new trilogy.) The Lord of the Rings did it, prequeled by the Hobbit and mirrored by the Silmarillion. I mentioned those examples because the middle stories of each all exhibit the same traits: a drastic change of pace or location for the protagonists, putting the protagonists through personal character growth arcs, and poking at minutia or seemingly unimportant aspects of the world (which usually end up pretty important before all is said and done).

Now let's answer your question. Spoiler warning again:

In the Broken Earth, we got introduced to the Stillness and Essun in Book One. There was a lot of physical movement in that book as Essun was on the road for most of it (as were other characters), but the plot itself was relatively simple: A bad thing happened to this person and she needs to go somewhere and find someone, to fix it! And then pretty much the entirety of that book's narrative was "Who is this person, why does the bad thing matter, and how close does she get to finding her missing person?" Then in Book Two, we learned a little more about this person, a lot more about her impact on other characters including the one she's been trying to find, and we spent a while learning about orogeny, the Obelisk Gate, and what the stone eaters have been up to. I cheated a little on this; there wasn't room to do a deep dive into the backstory of one pivotal character, but I did finally reveal that this character is the "secret" narrator of the whole trilogy, and made his agenda clearer. I ended up putting his "deep dive" into Book Three instead, where it was particularly relevant to the STUFF! BLOWING!! UP!!!

The reason a lot of readers complain about "Middle Book Syndrome," I suspect, is because of this pattern -- and because of their expectations. A lot of people come at a middle book expecting Book One Redux. That's what you often get in shared-universe trilogies -- Book One over and over again, roughly the same balance of characters vs events each time, in a familiar setting. We're conditioned to want that, I think, from other episodic works. Comic books, for example: When I was working on FAR SECTOR, my editor at the time explained that I needed to try and have a fight or action scene in most of the issues. I hate fight scenes -- sorry! -- so that was hard for me. TV shows -- the ones that aren't themselves telling a single big story over time -- do this, too. I think of it as the "If You Liked X, Then Try... X!" structure. Absolutely nothing wrong with this structure, by the way. I'm just describing it, not throwing shade. I'm a big fan of stories like this myself.

But even for audience members who were expecting the Three-Act Trilogy structure instead, that middle book is going to be jarring. It's supposed to be jarring. The refugees have survived the first book but stopped to dress their wounds and regroup; the adventurers on a quest have reached an impasse and need to find allies and grind to build up their strength; the stalwart hero has just suffered a massive setback and needs to overcome their own doubt or character flaws. A good way to handle this is to take the characters out of their familiar space, and put them somewhere new, or give them a very different kind of challenge. [Mass Effect and LOTR spoilers] Oh, no, Shepard died and their team broke up! What now? Oh, no, Frodo and Sam are on their own trying to get to Mordor! They're just these little guys! How are they gonna make it? If you got overly attached to Shepard team from ME1, or the Fellowship, you're in for a rough ride in these followups. But the jarring nature of this kind of followup is absolutely necessary. An author who does this knows they're going to lose some readers, when they do it. Clearly I almost lost you! But I stand by that choice, because I think it made the whole trilogy better.

Sidebar: I'm old enough to remember the controversy back when "The Empire Strikes Back" came out. Critics haaaaaated that movie! It was too dark, they said; wasted too much time on unimportant stuff. Too much character work, not enough space battles. Then it became clear that audiences loved the second movie even more than the first, precisely because it was darker and because Luke spent so much time futzing around with Yoda and because there were all these girl cooties romantic moments between Leia and Han. A lot of the critics backpedaled at that point, with some of them even acknowledged that they'd been hoping for Star Wars All Over Again and not What Happens Next That Is Not Star Wars. They'd simply brought the wrong expectations to the story.

This is not to say that you have the wrong expectations, Ask-er. Maybe you were expecting exactly that structure, and you just don't like the way I handled it, or you think I did a poor job. Every reader's experience of a story is different, and not everybody's gonna want to pick up everything I throw down. But you asked why did everyone stay in one place, and this is why: to do a deep dive into the character of the Stillness itself. In a story where the setting was as much a "character" as the people in it, I felt it necessary to show enough of that setting for readers to care about it. Would you care, for example, if the town of Brevard (Damaya and Schaffa spend one night there in Book One) got blown off the map in Book Three? Probably not, because I spent no time on any of its citizens or issues. A lot of people cared about Castrima, though, by the end of Book Two.

Whoo, this got long! Hope it answers your question, Ask-er.

[victusinveritas]

Late night political rant from a middle aged Leftist.

Look...

Harris...

Isn't great. Or good. And... she's going to murder people overseas (yep, them, also some other folks, also probably definitely (weirdly) Lichtenstein which is not really a genocide but she'll probably keep enabling one) and her declaration about a strong military is...not great. At best, and I say this with all the confidence of someone knowing it's more likely that all my student loans are forgiven and I end up with free dental because of my college degree, she might tug the leash on BB and friends and maybe suggest, slightly curtailing the genocide in Gaza and the bombing of Lebanon, once she's in power. Maybe. Do I think she's likely to do anything right away (in goddamn January)? No. She'll say "we're moving towards peace..." while arming a nuclear terrorist state with even less compunction about committing war crimes than the US or Canada (not recently, but Canada is like half of why the Geneva Convention exists because they... didn't like taking prisoners in WWI and II).

But what about X candidate that only exists in California or God the fuck knows where? No. No chance of them winning. To get a third party president elected we need to get a third party in House and the Senate. Once we turn them at least a bit Good Red (Socialist of some stripe) we can take a chance at someone outside the usual Dems or GOP.

But...Stein is a Trump/Putin stooge that pops up every four years and will probably continue to do so like the monster in Jeepers Creepers until she has body parts from staffers in every state to create a mega-Libertarian (Megazord but with a real firm knowledge of age of consent laws and a Randian sense of self importance)...

So...

The one thing I can say for Harris is that Tim Walz probably has a kinda wholesome fetish for women his own age or within an appropriate margin (milfs and up) who look like his wife and like to pop balloons. Anyway, whatever his take kink is, he will fight like a Midwesterner (with folksy homespun cussedness) to keep Pornhub and similar sites free to access for all people, because this is America, and we invented modern porn (Czechoslovakia and Hungary perfected it) and the internet, and by gum we're going to keep those things together because they're as American as what one or more consenting folks do in the privacy of anywhere not a school zone or very public park (bushes are fine, ditto riverbanks).

Project 2025 will take away all of that and more.

Vote Blue. And then drag Blue kicking and screaming towards accountability and the things America and the world are owed by the billionaires dodging their fair share of things. Vote in folks running on pro universal healthcare tickets and just generally not being douchebags.

(and no, I'm not going to debate folks on any of this except perhaps my theories on a US invasion of Liechtenstein, I have better things to do than yell at people on the internet and so do you. Go join a mutual aid group or three, play a hand or two of cards.)

[barry-j-blupjeans]

key to the storage unit/ oh but I gotta know? thank you!!!

object + emotion prompt list here! still accepting!!

19. Key to a storage unit.

20. OH BUT I GOTTA KNOW??? I GOTTA

--

Kravitz could have sworn that being sneaky used to be a lot easier. Maybe people— necromancers, in particular, because that's those are the only people Kravitz had been around for a good while— had just been stupider in the past? It was possible, considering the amount of necromantic knowledge that just got fuckin' blasted into everyone's heads thanks to Story and Song. People had definitely been more dumb when he was alive at least.

But maybe he was coming at this from a weird point of view, considering that he was still getting adjusted to having two people with him on every single mission. The two people who, in particular, had done most of the necromantic research that got blasted out to everyone. And the two people who had multi-classed in so much shit that Kravitz wasn't even sure what their main class was.

Kravitz missed when he only had to worry about Lup and Barry in abstract. Like, "wow, these folks have died way too many times, that's fucked up!" and not "if I say one wrong thing, they will immediately swarm me like over-eager dogs and demand to know where I'm going and if they can go with me".

Unfortunately, Kravitz was bad at saying the right things. So here he was, swarmed, just trying to get his work done.

"We have a storage unit???" Lup said, stepping out of the portal behind him. He heard Barry trip, but he didn't turn to help, because one: Barry should know better by now, and two: Kravitz had to mentally prepare for what was coming next.

"Yep," Kravitz said, walking up to the building. "Well, it's more of a warehouse, if we're being honest, but same difference." It was bleak and cold outside, but it always was in the astral plane. He'd given up asking for a heater long, long ago. Lup and Barry followed behind me.

"And you never told us because…??"

Kravitz stopped at the door, sighing. He turned to face them. Barry's glasses had begun to fog up due to the temperature.

"I need you to promise," Kravitz said, very seriously, very professionally, "that you will not take anything that is in there back with you. Okay? Just like, a little promise—"

"A prommy," Barry said. Lup nodded in agreement.

"A prommy, sure," Kravitz said. "You gotta prommy you won't take any of this shit home, okay?"

"What happens if we do, though," Lup said. She paused. "By accident."

"The Raven Queen will be very, very mad at you," Kravitz said. "Also, depending on what you take, it could fracture the connections between planes, or like, your mind, or your body, or someone else's mind or body, or— a lot of bad shit, is what I'm trying to say. Do you promise?"

Lup and Barry shared a look. That was never a good thing.

"Cross my heart," Barry said, drawing an X across his chest and holding his hand up, like a boy scout.

"Hope to die," Lup said sweetly.

That's… as good as he's going to get, probably. Kravitz turned back to the door, using his pinky to slice another portal through realities and reach his hand into it. He really needed to clean out this pocket dimension, because the minute and a half he spent rooting around in it did not help his cool factor, even like a little bit. He found like, fourteen pens before he found the key.

"What's even in there?" Lup asked as he dug around the pocket dimension. "I gotta know. For science reasons."

"Mostly pens," Kravitz said, embarrassed.

"No, the storage unit, babe," Lup said. "I couldn't care less about your fucked up pocket dimension. Taako's got a whole ass spa in his pocket, it can get worse than that."

It can, but Kravitz wasn't going to say that.

"Oh," Kravitz said. "I knew that."

"Sure you did, bud," Barry said.

"Well, uhm, it's a lot of different stuff?" Was that the key? Aw, fuck, nope, that's a fifteenth pen. "Mostly confiscated necromantic stuff— which you promised not to take!" He could practically hear their disappointment. "Mostly books, but there's some huge ass bones and a few like, cursed objects? It's hard to— You'll— you'll see what I mean."

At long last, he pulled the key out. The key itself was black and sapphire blue, with a raven skull as the bow. Behind him, Barry snapped in appreciation. He slid the key into the door, unlocking it, and then placed the key back in the pocket dimension, so future Kravitz could deal with it. (Future Kravitz would not.)

The room was large and, much like he said, mostly filled with books. There was a loft up near the rafters and rickety stairs that led up to it. Most of what was in here was dust, if he was being honest. Dust and spooky, illegal stuff.

"Alright," Kravitz said. "Much like the Eternal Stockade, this room is mainly a waiting chamber. We're trying to outlast the magical energy these objects have, basically. You should just be able to like, feel if the curses or enchantments have worn off already. If they have, we can start a pile right ov— and you're not listening anymore. Great. Stellar."

Barry and Lup had immediately split off behind him. Lup was headed towards the big bones, Barry was poking around at some of the books already.

Kravitz sighed again. It was going to be a very long day.

[ihopesocomic]

Hi, it's me, that one anon who constantly sends you walls of text where I point out every single detail that I notice in characters' fur colours and eye shapes or their names.

I'm sorry for my long-ass messages but your comic is a wonderful example of how time, creativity and love can create a brilliant creation. I reread your comic often cause I constantly find new details and references. I really think about making a whole document and write down everything I notice. But you know what all of that tells me? How much you love your work and how much time you send on doing it. It's the background (colours of the sky while introducing Diamond, or when Hope and Storm meet when they're older), it's the details (a tree that Diamond and Amber use to climb has claw marks on it, many people would forget to include it there), it's the character designs (the similarities in Hope's family and how you can tell they're family by little details), it's the references to the story itself (Adamant saying that Hope's hunt was intense as a reference to her first hunt) and so much more. I know why I love your comic so much - it's cause you guys love it so much and you put that love in it. Me, and I believe other folks here, will never be greatful enough for creating a comic where we don't have to face sexism, homophobia, ableism, where we have a great representation and we can be inspired to create our own characters and stories. So, thank you <3

As a gesture of my thankfulness (I hope this word exists) I have a pun for you. Get ready!

So I couldn't help but notice that in Fade's description there's a following sentence: "He's determined to earn his father's approval, especially since his older sisters already have it". So can I say that he's afraid that he will fade away (hihi) in the bright and radiant (hihi) lights of his sisters? *ba dum tssss*

No, but seriously, that was intentional?

So, I've been sick and pretty meh over Christmas (just a cold, no biggie) and it's comments like this that always cheer me up. Thank you so much, anon. You're so sweet and we're so happy to hear you're enjoying the comic. You and the rest of our readership and your kind words are truly what inspire us eee

and lolol nice pun. As for Fade's name, we wanted him to be named after his mummy but, at the same time, it's also pretty fitting that he's ended up with the odd name out of his siblings like you've pointed out, yep. I also suspect it'll be fitting in another way as the story carries on too. ;D - RJ

[sneakyparsnipslicer]

Bodysnatchers II

[The continuation to 'Bodysnatchers', had to cut a lot of characters to fit this into a post. Enjoy]

Gavin awoke, it was daylight. He rolled over to check his phone; 7 in the morning. He put his phone down and turned to look at his sleeping boyfriend. He kissed Chris and he awoke, looking back into Gavin's eyes.

'Morning' whispered Gavin.

'Morning' replied Chris.

'Sleep well?' Gavin asked. Chris stretched and groaned.

'Yeah, I think we got a lot of mileage out of this body didn't we?' Chris chuckled. Gavin laid down.

'Oh I'll say!' Gavin chuckled, moving his hand under the sheets to massage Chris's crotch. 'Jimmy was a good pick for you'.

Chris nodded.

'Oh, did you cover that up?' Chris asked.

'Yep, I logged into his Twitter last night' said Gavin, reaching to the drawer, he pulled out Jimmy's phone and began scrolling through it.

'Tweeted just after we got back' said Gavin. He showed the screen for Chris to read.

'Hi folks, sorry to say I've had to dip this weekend, family emergency. Have yourselves the best weekend, ResidentJimmy'

'Ah, ok' said Chris, looking away from the screen. Gavin put the phone back in the drawer.

'I'll get rid of his phone in a bit, we should get breakfast' Gavin suggested, looking back to Chris, who was looking at the ceiling. 'What's up?'

'I can't help wondering if this was right. Jimmy seemed a decent bloke' said Chris. Gavin rolled his eyes and shook his head.

'He was a prude, he had all THAT going for him. We couldn't let him go to waste' said Gavin.

'Jimmy had friends, family, there'll be investigations!' worried Chris. Gavin stroked his hair.

'Once I get a new body, we can to do whatever we like. Go where we like. We'll get a fresh start' replied Gavin. These words put Chris at ease. He pulled off his sheets and got out of bed, giving Gavin a clear view of his back and ass.

'Fuck, I'm never gonna get tired of that!' laughed Gavin, deciding he had time for a quick tug.

The two headed to the lobby restaurant to get breakfast. Finding a table near a window overlooking the street, the two began to tuck into their food. Event-goers on the surrounding tables were wrapped in their own conversations, there was a great spirit of excitement about the day ahead.

'Oh Em Gee! Is that GaValentine?!' asked a voice. Gavin turned to see a face he recognised from last year.

'Oh, morning, how are you? Sorry I've forgotten your name!' said Gavin. The man chuckled.

'It's Umbrelliam, or Liam. It's been a while!' exclaimed Liam, smiling all rosy-cheeked. Liam was a porky guy, flamboyant as hell but sweet. He turned to Chris and his eyes widened, jaw dropping.

'And who's this gorgeous guy?' asked Liam, filling a seat at the table, looking Chris up and down. Chris finished his mouthful.

'I'm Chris. Gavin's boyfriend' smiled Chris, waving.

'Oh you lucky bitch! Why didn't bring him last year?' demanded Liam, looking to Gavin.

'Oh he was working last year, but we're here now' said Gavin. Liam looked between both of them.

'Must be a model or something, honey you can Chris my Redfield any day' said Liam, winking at Chris.

'What's that mean? Boulder-punching you in the fucking face?' asked Chris. Liam was taken aback, but burst out laughing.

'Gosh he's fiery too! Honestly Gavin, you've gotta find me a guy like him' said Liam, turning to look at Gavin. He took a sip of his drink and a thought struck him.

'Did you hear about Jimmy?' asked Liam. Gavin caught a nervous look from Chris.

'You mean ResidentJimmy? Yeah I think so, didn't he Tweet last night he had to go home?' asked Gavin, Liam nodded.

'Yeah, vanished. I spoke to some friends earlier, he didn't text to let them know he had to go or anything, everyone's talking about it' Liam said, looking into his glass. Gavin and Chris locked eyes for a moment, a look of worry passed between them.

'I'm sure he had his reasons, he'll update everyone soon enough' suggested Chris. Liam looked to Chris and smiled.

'Yeah, I'm sure he will!' Liam replied.

'Anyway, let's focus on the event today, got quite the lineup haven't we?' asked Gavin, eager to change the subject. Liam snapped out of his trance.

'Oh my gosh yes! I can't believe they actually got Julia Voth to come here today, her as Jill is just Mother' exclaimed Liam, grinning from ear to ear.

'Well, I'm sure I'll see you cuties there, just gotta get a couple of things from my room. See you soon!' said Liam, getting up from his chair.

'Hey Liam, do you have any plans after the event?' asked Gavin, Liam spun back around.

'Not really, why?' asked Liam, his eyebrows furrowed.

'Well, Chris and I were thinking of having some fun later if you're game' whispered Gavin, winking. Chris glared at Gavin. Liam looked around.

'Wait, seriously?' asked Liam quietly, grinning again. Gavin nodded.

'Abso-fucking-lutely!' Liam said, looking to Chris.

'Cool, we'll see you later!' said Gavin, giving Liam a thumbs up. Liam walked off. Chris leaned in.

'What the absolute FUCK was that?!' he hissed, glaring at Gavin. Gavin leaned in.

'Liam's a bit of a convention slut, he's practically gagging for any action he can get' whispered Gavin, smirking.

'Oh really? You're gonna settle for that?' Chris asked, looking the way Liam went. Gavin followed the direction Chris was looking.

'I'll see what I can do with him. Might take a bit of compressing but it could result in something nice' said Gavin. Chris leaned back in his chair and heaved an exaggerated sigh.

'Honestly hearing what he was saying, I'm worried taking over Jimmy was a risky move' said Chris. Gavin shook his head.

'Nah babe, once his body's mine, there'll be one less gossipy bitch around to risk anyone putting two and two together. I'll take him over, then we leave tonight. Sound good?' asked Gavin. Chris reluctantly nodded.

'We'd better get rid of Jimmy's phone quick, there's only so much radio silence these people can take before they suspect something's off' said Chris. They both nodded and finished their breakfast.

Liam waited in the lobby for Gavin and Chris to return, fantasizing about the night after the event. Soon enough they showed up.

'Hey besties! Shall we get going to the Centre then?' called Liam, waving to them. They both looked at eachother, then Chris shrugged.

'Yeah sure, let's do that' said Chris, and the three of them headed out with Liam and Gavin in front, Chris following. As they made their way across the city, they were approached by a homeless man.

'Scuse me Sirs, you wouldn't happen to have a tenner you could give us would ya?' the man asked. Gavin and Chris continued on like they hadn't seen him, but Liam stopped.

'Oh of course lovey! Just give me a second' smiled Liam, pulling out his wallet to find a £10 note for the man.

'Oh thank you, thank you so much!' said the man graciously.

'It's alright, times are tough darling, I understand' said Liam, patting him on the shoulder. The man looked towards Chris and Gavin and lowered his voice.

'You uh, you know those two then?' asked the man, pointing to Chris and Gavin. Liam nodded.

'Watch yourself with them, something's not right about them' said the man. Liam looked puzzled.

'How d'you mean?' he asked. The man looked nervously at them again.

'I knows a demon when I sees one. That tall one ain't right' he said.

'I think you might've hit the Meth a little hard today honey' chuckled Liam. The man shook his head.

'No Sir, I ain't about that life! Swear to me bones, you be careful!' he warned. He hurried back to his sleeping bag in a nearby doorway and returned with a flask, he pushed it into Liam's hands.

'Trust me, take that with ya, it's holy water it is, I always keeps some from the Cathedral. Please be safe' he said. He shook Liam's hand and hobbled off. Liam looked at the flask and shrugged. He put it in his backpack and hurried off after the two, who were waiting by a bin.

'Ah heck Liam, why'd you stop for that guy?' asked Gavin, smirking at him.

'Sorry, it's just I couldn't not spot him that tenner, poor fella's down on his luck. It's only decent' said Liam. Gavin looked to Chris.

'You're a good man Liam, if people were more like you the world would be a nicer place, and bankrupt!' said Chris, smiling at Liam.

'You've sure got a weird sense of humour Chris. Not sure if I like that about you' said Liam giving Chris a stern look.

'Oh never mind. Anyway we're nearly at the Centre. Did you play the RE4 Remake yet Liam?' asked Gavin.

'Oh yeah, kinda prefer the original honestly' said Liam absent-mindedly. He thought about the man's warning. Maybe something really was off about Chris.

Liam, Gavin and Chris spent the next hours mingling with other fans, meeting voice actors and developers from the Resident Evil franchise's past, attending panels and getting photos and merchandise signed. Eventually in the afternoon everyone began to make plans for the night. Liam had been hanging around a friend of his, Hannah during breaks.

'Seriously Liam, he hasn't called, he's not answering his phone, listen!' said Hannah, holding her phone to Liam's ear.

'I'm sorry, the phone you are trying to reach has been switched off. Please try again later' came the automated voice. Hannah was a friend of Jimmy's and his disappearance had been on her mind all day.

'Looks like he's put nothing on Twitter, not since last night' said Liam.

'He was fine last night when we saw him, I just can't work it out' said Hannah, shaking her head and trembling. Liam noticed this and swept her into a hug.

'Hey! It's alright Darling. We'll get to the bottom of this!' said Liam reassuringly. Hannah sighed.

'Thanks Liam' Hannah smiled. Just then Gavin and Chris showed up.

'Hey Liam, we're heading back to the hotel, you coming?' asked Gavin.

'Just a few minutes please guys, catching up' smiled Liam. Chris and Gavin looked to eachother.

'We're in Room 402, don't keep us waiting too long' whispered Chris, winking, and the two headed off.

'Got plans have you?' asked Hannah chuckling, looking at them walking off.

'Yeah, probably shouldn't keep them waiting too long' laughed Liam. Hannah turned back to look at him, a look of concern on her face.

'Say, who's the tall one?' asked Hannah.

'Chris, why?' asked Liam.

'Jimmy was talking to the one with glasses last night, but he was with another guy, not him' said Hannah.

'Might've been a friend of his?' suggested Liam, shrugging.

'Maybe. I don't think I've seen that other guy since last night either. I know there's about 200 people here today, but I've only seen him hanging around the big guy' said Hannah. Liam thought about this and remembered the homeless man's warning. Something was definitely up.

'Liam, if you're going to be hanging around those two tonight please be careful!' she warned. Liam nodded.

'Of course Hannah, I promise' said Liam, giving Hannah one final hug and hurrying off.

Liam hurried back to his hotel room. He took off his backpack and pulled out the flask the homeless man had given him. He hesitated and then began to drink from it. The water was pretty much room temperature, but he chugged it down, finished and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Let's see, Room 402' said Liam to himself, pulling out his phone. He sent a DM to Gavin's account on Twitter.

'Hey, just changing, be up in 5 x'

He changed out of his clothes into something a little fancier and sprayed some cologne, combing his hair in the mirror telling himself 'If it gets weird, get the fuck out of there!'. With a shaky breath he steeled himself and proceeded to leave his room. He was two floors below the 4th floor, so he got in the lift, it didn't take long to find the door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Gavin answered the door, smiling.

'Liam! Good to see you!' cried Gavin, hugging him.

'Sorry I kept you waiting lovey, Hannah was having some issues bless her' replied Liam.

'Well, never mind her. Now it's about us big guy!' said Gavin, ushering Liam into the room. Chris sat on the bed, shirt open exposing his chest.

'Hubba hubba!' cried Liam rushing over to hug him, which Liam reluctantly did.

'So how're we doing this?' asked Liam, looking between them. Chris moved to lie down on the bed.

'You guys can get started, I'll watch and hop in when I'm ready' smiled Gavin. Liam raised his eyebrows.

'Oh, you like to watch do you Mister? I won't complain!' said Liam, turning his attention to Chris, who was smirking at him.

'So how do you want to start?' asked Liam seductively, biting his lip, crawling onto the bed, moving over to Chris. Chris pulled Liam on top of him and began to kiss him, much to Liam's surprise, but he went along with it, beginning to tongue the hunk of a man. Liam could feel himself getting hard as they pulled away. Chris began to undo his belt and pull his shorts down, alongside his boxers, where his monster cock sprang free. Liam's jaw dropped at the sight of it.

'Go on Liam, get to work!' chuckled Chris, shifting himself. Liam nodded and kissed Chris on the lips again, then kissing his neck and kissing his pecs and abs as he made his way down to the groin. Chris began to feel a bit sweaty, but he put it down to the hormones. He began to squirm as Liam took his dick in his hand and began to pump it, licking it's tip with his tongue. Gavin had already unzipped his own trousers, getting his own dick ready for entry.

'God it's getting stuffy! Give me a moment' laughed Liam, pulling his own shirt off and throwing it away, returning to giving Chris a blowjob. Chris scrunched his eyes closed and began gasping. What should be pleasure was starting to feel a lot like pain.

'Are you biting my cock Liam?' asked Chris, looking down at him. Liam stopped sucking and furrowed his eyebrows.

'No?' he insisted. Then it occurred to him Chris was squirming and groaning in pain.

'Oh shit! Are you ok?' asked Liam, looking in horror as the black in Chris's hair was beginning to drain, becoming blonde.

'The fuck have you done to me you prick?!' demanded Chris as his body began to convulse and his stomach grew. Just then Gavin lunged at Liam, trying to shove his hand into his mouth. Liam elbowed him in the ribs.

'Excuse me? What the fuck are you trying to do?!' asked Liam, turning to Gavin in fury, but Gavin looked on at Chris. Looking back Liam yelped and jumped off the bed. Chris's stomach had become huge and the mass was moving downwards.

'Someone tell me what the fuck's going on here?!' asked Liam, standing frozen against the wall as Chris was yelling in pain. Just then, the mass that was making it's way down Chris's shaft bloated it to an impossible size and Liam and Gavin could only look on slack-jawed as a pair of legs were forced out of the tip, then a body, arms and head. A whole man was ejected out of Chris's dick. He groaned in pain as he hit the floor. Liam looked to Chris on the bed, who was now blonde and had less muscle. No, it wasn't Chris, it was Jimmy!

'Jimmy!' cried out Liam rushing to him, but the new man elbowed him out the way and tried to stick his hand down Jimmy's throat.

'Oi! Get off him! What're you even trying to do?' asked Liam, forcing the man off Jimmy.

'Shit! We can't get in!' yelled Tiernan panicking, breathing frantically. Gavin looked at the sight, there was nothing they could do now but run.

'Let's get out of here!' Gavin said, grabbing Tiernan and pulling him to his feet.

Jimmy began to stir, groaning and opening his eyes. He began to register the room.

'What the fuck?' Jimmy asked, feeling pain in his body. He saw Liam standing over him shirtless and groaned.

'Oh shit, not you Liam!' chuckled Jimmy, laying his head back down.

'Jimmy are you alright?' asked Liam.

'I feel like I've been hit by a fucking truck!' replied Jimmy. He realised he wasn't in his hotel room.

'What happened? Where are Gavin and Tiernan?' asked Jimmy. Liam sat down on the bed.

'I'm not sure what the hell's happened but I think you just shot him out of your penis Darling' laughed Liam despite looking terrified. Jimmy began to piece it all together in his head.

'Where are they?' asked Jimmy, sitting up. Liam jumped.

'They said about getting out of here' started Liam. At that, Jimmy lunged off the bed, staggering to the door. Holding his breath and fighting the pain he wrenched the door open, hurrying into the hallway outside.

'Jimmy they've probably reached the lobby by now!' called Liam, but Jimmy wasn't listening. He ran past the lifts and hurtled himself down the stairs, flying in his fury down the steps. He ran into the lobby in time to see a small crowd gathered near the entrance doors.

'Where the fuck are they?!' demanded Jimmy angrily. Everyone looked to him shocked. Hannah hurried over to him and hugged him.

'Jimmy?! Oh my god where have you been?!' yelled Hannah. Jimmy looked to Hannah, suddenly the anger he felt dissolved into fear, tears began to well in his eyes.

'Oh Hannah, I don't even know what the hell's happening, but I'm glad you're here!' said Jimmy, hugging her tight. Liam arrived panting, hanging onto the doorframe to catch his breath. He looked at everyone, then at Jimmy and Hannah. Looking down he cleared his throat.

'Pardon me Jim, but if we don't get your bum covered up I'm going to start getting cravings!' chuckled Liam. Jimmy looked down, he hadn't even realised his lower clothing had fallen off. Hannah turned bright red and Jimmy began laughing, the three of them headed back to the lifts so Jimmy could get changed.

The next day everyone gathered around Jimmy and Liam as they attempted to explain what had happened the previous day and the night before. A somewhat coherent story was formed of how Jimmy had been taken over by Tiernan somehow and that Gavin had tried to cover the tracks up and how Liam had been able to undo what they'd done to Jimmy thanks to the holy water the homeless man had given him.

'Best 10 quid I ever donated!' laughed Liam. Jimmy smiled and looked thoughtfully outside.

'Whatever happened, those two are still out there. Unless Tiernan got arrested for streaking, they could be anywhere now' pondered Jimmy. Hannah massaged Jimmy's right shoulder reassuringly.

'If they show up again, they're dead!' she warned. Jimmy smiled, thankful for his friends' rescue.

'Liam, could you take me to that homeless guy please? I'd like to thank him' Jimmy requested. Liam finished his drink and nodded. Leaving everyone to talk among themselves, Liam and Jimmy headed out. They found the man and approached him. He recognised Liam.

'Sir! Good to see you. You slept safely I hope?' he smiled, looking to Jimmy.

'Hello again Ducky. Yes you were right about those two. They actually took over my friend here' Liam said, clapping a hand on Jimmy's shoulder.

'Hi, I just wanted to thank you. If you hadn't given my friend the holy water I might not be here now. Thanks' smiled Jimmy nodding his head. The man smiled happily at Jimmy.

'It's alright Sir! I could tell something weren't right about them two. Oh! While you're here' said the man, turning his attention to his sleeping bag. He pulled out a phone.

'Is this is yours?' beamed the man. Jimmy took it from him in shock, it was indeed his phone.

'How did you get this?' Jimmy asked.

'Your demon friends thought they were clever. I noticed them chuck summat in the bin over there when I was speaking to your friend yesterday. After you all left I came over to see what it was. Felt I should hold onto it just incase' the man explained. Jimmy pocketed his phone and breathed a sigh of relief. He pulled out his wallet and found a £20 for the man, that he graciously accepted. Liam also handed the flask back and the two began to head back to the Premier Inn.

'Funny isn't it? Today's the last day and we all go back home tonight, and yet this place just got a whole lot more interesting. Tomorrow it'll be work as usual!' remarked Jimmy.

'I'm still trying to process what I saw last night, not gonna lie it was kinda hot. Not every day you see a man cum out another man!' chuckled Liam. Jimmy smiled but looked at Liam concerned.

'Man, shut the fuck up!' Jimmy laughed.

'Reckon you're up for cuddles then?' asked Liam hopefully. Jimmy sighed and shook his head.

'You know what, fine. I guess I owe you mate' winked Jimmy. 'Just promise me you won't do whatever the fuck they did to me!'.

'Oh I love having men in me, but not THAT deep!' retorted Liam, and they both walked off laughing.

[fizzigigsimmer]

Bake Off: A Harringrove Sim Story

Chapter 3

Copperdale Studios, early morning.

The studio is full as Nancy hosts her morning show for channel 4. Her guests are Steve & Billy. As the commercial break dies down, Jonathan gives the signal they are going live.

Nancy: Hello! Welcome back! I'm Nancy Wheeler and you're watching 'Good Morning With Nancy'. Joining me on the couch today are Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington, the co-owners of Copperdale's very own Harringrove Cafe, and this summer the judges of Copperdale's very first Armature Bake Off!

She pauses to allow her guests to wave to the audience. They give an enthusiastic cheer.

Nancy: Steve, Billy, thank you for coming on.

Steve: We're glad to be here!

Nancy: since the announcement we've been flooded with calls and messages from folks who want to know more about the competition: where can they watch, how can they apply. But my sources tell me that you've already narrowed down the teams?

Steve: Yep that's right. We personally invited six of Copperdale's most talented amateur bakers to compete - who also happen to be really good friends of the cafe!

Nancy: Do you think that's fair though? It sounds like there's a lot of talented folks in the area who would love to be considered.

Billy shrugs.

Billy: Our business our rules. We don't work with just anybody.

Steve: For good reason! We've collaborated on menus in the past with many talented individuals and we've always been careful to maintain a high standard. So for this endeavor it just made sense to reach out to those folks.

Nancy: Well, viewers are excited to hear more about the teams. So lets get into it!

Cut away to montage

Team 1. El & Max

Most people can't tell that Billy & Max are siblings just by looking at them but five minutes in each other's company usually does the trick. Max and her best friend Eleven are local college students and when they aren't focused on school, or helping out at the cafe, they can be found hanging out in the game room at Argyle's Pizza Palace. Max loves to whip up tasty treats in her dorm room, and her additions to the menu have always been a hit. When she heard that the winner of the competition would get their own personalized menu....

Cut back to Studio

Billy: Wait a minute! What did you tell her?!

Steve: Lets talk about team #2! You guys are gonna love the next team.

The camera cuts away again

Team 2. Argyle & Eddie

Steve and Billy's friend Argyle is known for the best pizza in Copperdale. Argyle got his start as a delivery boy and inherited the business after his uncle retired. The Pizza Palace has flourished under his leadership and has become Copperdale's go to spot for game night and greasy eats to satisfy anybody's munchies! The other half of this dream team duo is Eddie Munson, lead guitarist of 2nd Grave. The band started right here in Copperdale! They can often be heard practicing in the backroom of the record shop where Eddie works. But now that the band is taking off, Eddie probably won't be seen behind the counter too much longer. A lesser known fact about him is his secret passion for baking soft fudgy brownies that will take you out of this world!

Cut back to studio.

Nancy: Yes. Viewers will be happy to know that one of those members includes local rock legend, Eddie Munson of 2nd Grave. Is it true?

Billy: Unfortunately.

Nancy: After their single 'squeeze' reached the billboard top ten this summer, 2nd Grave has seen a great deal of sudden success. How did you convince Mr. Munson to take time out for this endeavor?

Steve: It was all Billy.

Billy: Yeah he pimps me out.

Nancy laughs nervously and tries to steer the conversation back to something more suitable for her younger viewers.

Nancy: I'm sure you're kidding.

Steve: No, really! Truthfully Billy is very good with people. He can be very persuasive...

A few weeks earlier....

Eddie and his band have regular gigs on Saturday night at Copperdale's only nightclub. It's a good opportunity to ambush him, Steve thinks.

But things don't go exactly as planned. Heather gets a little too drunk, and Steve leaves to make sure Robin and her girlfriend get home safely.

But Billy's got this covered. All he has to do is remind Eddie of how important this project is to Steve. Munson is a total marshmallow under all that leather.

Back in the studio...

Nancy: Aww, it sounds like you guys have some really great friends. It's nice knowing that you can always count on them to be there.

Steve smiles and Billy shrugs, looking a little embarrassed with the sentimental turn of the conversation. Nancy turns towards the camera.

Nancy: Coming up, we'll reveal the final team and meet the amateur bakers in person. After this commercial break!

To be continued in part 4