#yelling lmaooooooo
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me: she got the autism resting bitch face
@willowpelt : mfw i'm gonna kill this guy AND his dog
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I like to imagine that when Steve is trying to talk and someone interrupts him Eddie goes bat shit crazy. Eddie makes his voice heard throughout the entire room to make sure everyone knows that Steve is talking so āshut the fuck upā and obviously Steve loves him for it because in the end his message is heard :)
#steddie#no because Eddie is LOUD#THAT MANS VOICE IS WILD#when he yelled in the cafeteria#yeah thatās a good moment#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#steddie headcanon#steddie hcs#steve x eddie#idk what else to tag#help lol#please#stedide headcanon#come on#manifesting#power#so cuuuute#lmaooooooo#that is so funny#wow#hmmmmm#omfg#i know what you are#be for real#duffer brothers i swear#iām tiiiiiired#headcanon#hcs
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If only hanging still existed..though for you, you deserve worse than what the courts allow
You smile as you talk about her death
You relished stabbing her, didn't you?
You loved it.
You killed her and you enjoyed it.
Didn't you?
(To murderpollo)
"I mean... that's the default sentence for murder convictions. That's what it's always been. And... no, I..."
"I... I didn't..."
#~ššØšš¤š„šš šš¦š¤š„ššš ../~ murderpollo au#ace attorney#ace attorney ask blog#ask blog#apollo justice#// me yelling āYES! YES! TRAUMA! TRAUMA! TRAUMAAAA!ā as i add that fucking gif lmaooooooo#// god thats so fucking awesome im not sorry at all#// black psyche locks am i right
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"andāsam bennett, as you know, did not hesitate," resident rabid dog <3
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Started playing Fear and Hunger recently and this guy is pretty silly. I like that he likes bugs, thatās a green flag in my book, bugs are great.
Nothing in this post in particular is mature, but the game itself is, itās a pretty dark horror game, so Iāll be putting some content warnings in the tags so any talk about the game on my account can be filtered out easier!
Some thoughts about the game under a cut :3
I havenāt played as Enki tho, I picked Cahara because heās easier and itās my first playthrough, and heās pretty cool too. I really love the character and monster designs in this game. The art is super cool :3. Iāve had the worst luck this run tho oh my god; I started the game took like two steps and immediately got blindsighted by three dogs. All the enemies in the first left entrance area spawned in the first room. Two elite guards spawned in the room past the prisons instead of the usual one. Moonless would not spawn for like a solid few reloads and then ended up on the bottom of the map instead of the top where they usually are. I talked to Nosramus (love them, theyļæ½ļæ½re great, they were off screen the whole conversation tho whoops) and immediately afterwards got the crow mauler text and had to leave the room. Got Dāarce and promptly ran into a yellow mage and lost my arm! Itās been wild and Iām even just playing on easy mode ššš!!! My computer also kinda sucks and lags sometimes, but yeah! The game is fun!!!!! I have no idea how far I am in it, but Iām almost to where Leāgarde is captured. My whole strategy has been fuck around and find out and itās working XD!!! I kinda expected it to be scarier, but that might be because Iām a little used to horror as a genre in general, but itās a nice balance of spooky atmosphere and usual RPG action stuff in a way that comes off sincere and not like edgy for the sake of being edgy if that makes sense. Itās cool :3
Anyway thereās a lot of games Iāve started recently and havenāt finished so I guess Iāll be playing those for a while. I still need to beat CV64, Iām just currently stuck on the uh gear platforming section with the bomb. If you know, you know ššš. Itās hard. I also have to beat Curse of Darkness, but Iām really close to the end in that one Iām just getting all the random side rooms and stuff. Raising more innocent devils besides my main team just to be able to open a door is a little tedious tbh, but eh itās an excuse to play the game for longer so Iāll take it. But yeah, hopefully life actually lets me beat all these games so I can talk about them more (TwT ;).
#fear and hunger#funger#fear and hunger 1#enki ankarian#fear and hunger enki#f&h enki#f&h#f&h fanart#art post#yippie! gaming moment#my laptop SUCKS though ong#sometimes it just makes loud static sounds whenever it needs an update at random times#I have a video of it yelling at me to update it in the middle of when I was playing funger like shut up I am going to update you after this#also the lag makes it really really hard to enter doors help meā#Iāll press the arrow key once and Cahara (whom Iāve named TheRizzler) will take TWO STEPS#I gotta do all the extra bullshit to accommodate my dumbass former highschool laptopās antics like ššš#hereās to hoping it doesnāt suddenly lose sound on me like it used to lmaooooooo#yeah the game is fun tho ong I have no idea what Iām doing š#my guy TheRizzler has died of infection and bleeding a lot cause I couldnāt find the items to cure it lmao#once I do manage to beat the game eventually Iāll probably play Enki next even though heās like a bad beginner choice cause heās silly!!!#I found out recently I have enough stuff to closet cosplay him and did that a while back and the fit slays honestly#if I ever get comfortable enough to show my face on here I might post about it but for now ehhhhhh#tw horror#tw horror game#cw horror#cw fear and hunger#incoherent rambling#this game is also making me wanna work on my game too like#Iām stuck in the process of making it cause I canāt decide thematically if I want a battle system and enemies or not#and also map making is hard and tedious aughhh I will do it for the silly ocs tho rahhhhhh funger bestow upon me inspiration pls
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I'm going to tell Majima you're cheating on him with Saejima
#Yippee!#Not pictured: Majima yelling and clicking his heels together before diving onto the bed#sharing is caring an all that#ask#lmaooooooo
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wait i didnāt know the red white and royal blue tsn lore was because the author wrote CARRY IT IN MY HEART sdjhdkdjsfs wild.
#pretty sure that fic taught me the word pansexual lmaooooooo#what a legacy#i'm skimming a pdf someone post on twitter and......is david fincher aware that he is a character in fan fictions on the world wide web?#has anyone told him?#can i do it?#also why did i think carry it my heart was the one where they did giovanni's room? which one is the giovanni's room one?#old man yells at cloud
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"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" - friends at the table: palisade without context
#I was going to include more of the exchange but I think that sums it up#lmao austin was right ali did yell at him when he said what it smelled like and that there was a figure on the stage inside#the 'let's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'#under ali being like I'M TRYING TO DO OTHER THINGS#telomirage.txt#palisade#the soft awooooo#SKDKDKFJJD 'what does [redacted] smell like?' 'yeah brnine!' x 2#texting jesset for moral support in the club (whatever this building is with a [redacted] ish figure in the distance)#and then the pokƩdex -> digimon -> yugioh -> 'I think we're medabots' tangent#'COME THROUGH WEIRD STUFF' LMAOOOOOOO#and the emoji I'm CRYING#run jesset run
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anyway I'm watching chess tonight lmaooooo bc I was going fERAL in the car to Bangkok. I know it's such a misanthropic song but I was having such a shithouse day that I was like SCREAMING as I drove lmao.
My poor little brother was like ššš
#kass.txt#i was driving safe promise lmao but itbwas a screaming showtunes kinda day lmaooooooo#my ass was yelling the lyrics to miss baltimore crabs lmao#i just needed a time to go apeshit lmao
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lmfao i work in apparel and didn't realize it's nyfw that's why every idol is here
#personal#that's also why they all are by my office LMAOOOOoOO i'm DUMB#i just make little pictures and yell at ppl about colors on boys tees pls let me be <3#there's a few modelling agencies in my office building.... maybe a kpop dude will be in the elevator with me and then i'll die!!#(u never feel shorter or fatter until ur average height and thin.... when there's a go see a few floors below ur office#and ur just a blob of graphic designer and there's three models in an elevator with u lol)#guys i'm literally working on 2024 sales materials at work... for our sales meetings???????? how did i not realize this i'm actually stupid
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there's nothing like having grand secrets you can't even tell your closest most trusted loved ones
not because like, it's bad or anything but you have an anxiety disorder and telling people things is the worst ever
#what if it ruins things?#what if it hurts?#what if im wrong?#what if i get yelled at#dont tell me to get therapy i already am lmaooooooo
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???????
#lmaooooooo#cybie yells#did you know that you have Agency and also that maybe you shouldāve thought this through#š
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Some guy just let his shopping cart roll and slam into the side of my car not realizing i was in it and then tried to get into his car like nothing happened.
Yāall when I tell you I FLEW out of my car to confront his bitch ass and started yelling at him and he pulled away so fast and proceeded to flick me off and call me a āMexican hoeā lmaooooooo I cannot stop laughing ššš
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I want to yell at someone about this and since you put together that list of mods for bg3 to let you be fat I think you might enjoy it. Pokemon Go just had an update for trainer avatars and you can now be fat. Like properly fat and not just a little curvy. I am so happy I get to make a character that looks a lot more like me now.
Wait you're shitting me, pokemon is finally letting you be fat????????
I just tried to look it up and remembered I'm bad at googling things when all I got was inflation kink pokemon lmaooooooo
That's so fucking awesome dude, I'm happy you can make your person the way you want to now :)
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ILY FP 231
ALRIGHTY KIDS WHOāS READY FOR STALKYOO WEEKEND WHOāS READY FOR ME TO TALK NONSTOP ABOUT ILY AND TENSION AND FEELINGS AND EXECUTION AND SUBTEXT IāM RARING TO GO picture me frothing at the mouth rattling the bars of my cage because thatās been me and that WILL remain me!Ā
Look Iām about to choke out 246 different posts but Iām going to do my best to try to keep this one on topic... but we know how I get so uhhhh. Brace yourselves lmaoĀ
This episode is just CATNIP for me, and I know I keep saying that but forgive me, everything weāve been getting in these arcs is jus tailor-made, itās the stuff I feast on, itās got me scurrying up walls like a lil lizard chewing on the rafters shrieking like a banshee. I am FED and I am addicted and I WANT MORE!!!!!!!Ā
Nana + Shinae is just unhinged chaos I was completely unprepared for and getting to see them play out more in this episode is a HOOT. I say this with affection, but I am SO GLAD sheās not MY grandma cos WOW I, too, would be so embarrassed. (Actually she reminds me a lot of my mom, pls understand the embarrassment I have endured at her hand!) Shinae and Nana bonding over their mutual dislike for Rand was SO funny - like oh shit wait you donāt like that old geezer OR that witch? Oh you have TASTE (also thereās a subtle little... dig if we want to call it thatĀ āOh I like this oneā [eyes]). All the while Nol just sits by watching with that EXPRESSION LMAOĀ
In fact, all of Nolās expressions are SO funny and SO good! I cannot get over his deeply mortified blushing when Nana called the headband hisĀ ācomfort headbandā and pretty much aired that he was so upset that he was fiddling with it lmao LIKE COME ON (BUT ALSO HER INSINUATIONS? NANA U NASTY FREAK LMAOOOOOOO implying heād done something unholy with it I SIMPLY CANNOT) His expression as he fucking!!! Throws!!!!! His blanket over her with his lil eye buggin out? PURE COMEDY I LOVE ITĀ
But obviously the meat and potatoes of this episode is the Shinae Nol confrontation - and the elephant in the room. Nol says so much while saying so little - the subtext is off the charts and itās INSANE to me that they are just.... confessing between the lines lmaoĀ
Let me get this out of the way, my favorite point to yell about: Nol cannot resist Shinae. He tries and he always fails. He is so weak in the face of her - and now he finally understands why. She doesnāt seem to realize it, but she manages to elicit truth out of him, she keeps him rooted to the spot. Heāll purposefully distance himself from her - angle away, sit away - but he still ends up angled in towards her, drawn in. She gets to him in a way that, as far as we can tell, no one else can. Itās what made it so difficult for him to actually part with her - why he stumbled and clutched her before he finally snipped the cord, why he had to block her and when she got around that (her message in his spam) he had to drown it out with alcohol. Her gravitational pull on him is so great and he is now aware of it.Ā
I think he did have every intention to talk to her. Maybe he wasnāt going to be as open as we hope. He seemed like he wanted to at least try to clear something up. But his tune completely changed after she brought up Dieter, after she made him realize that Dieter saw it all, that he knew what Nol knows. Ngl I find this simultaneously funny and frustrating because it DOES put them in such a precarious position and Shinae is just SO unaware of it yet!!!!Ā
Nol knows that when itās just them, things cease to matter. Itās the way he phrases things - like how he talks about when they thought everyone was asleep, because it was that cloak of secrecy that allowed him to be so bold. It was the belief that the whole world was asleep and they were alone in their bubble, no thoughts, nothing else, acting on their whims. He knows he made a move on her, and he knows it was intentional, and it would never have happened if Dieter and Soushi were awake. But thatās the thing about when Nol is alone with Shinae - he seems to forget everything else. She disarms him and he acts on his whims.Ā
The range of his expression is so good here - going from guarded and cautious to the moment heās putting the dots together and he closes his eyes and screws up his face. Nol isnāt an asshole - he knows what Dieter must be feeling, what it must be like to have witnessed that, to listen in on that. Shinae may not have processed how loaded it was, but Nol can see it easily from Dieterās perspective.Ā
And hereās the thing about Dieter, too. Heās not a fool, he knows what heās up against. I donāt mean it in that heās competing with Nol, really, but we know he compares his relationship with Shinae to other peoplesā relationships with her. Weāve seen him voice his insecurity to Minhyuk - that he doesnāt have with her what Nol does. When he told Shinae she loves Nol, he obviously meant it as a friend, the way he does - but I still think he was voicing a fear that he already had in his heart. Like Nol, though, Dieter isnāt good at resisting Shinae, and he lets his hope build up when he knows better. Dieter knew he was playing with fire.Ā
That doesnāt make it hurt any less, though - to basically have it confirmed almost behind your back. Dieter can see it for what it was - not just the way Nol was acting, the way he looked at her, the way he literally put the moves on her lol but it was the way she received it, the way she flusters under his gaze. It was how she stayed at his side the whole time, how her concern for him outshines her need for sleep or food.Ā
Nolās guilt is SO strong, it permeates this episode, but I think itās also very much twisted with his fear. Itās easier to use the guilt, to frame around that, because in his mind he fucks things up all the time, he makes things worse, his existence creates more problems. I love that Shinae calls him out on the fact that itās not his fault that his plan to get her and Dieter together didnāt work because itās true. While heās not wrong to some degree - pushing Dieter and Shinae to be friends does kind of prolong the pain, at the end of the day, they all make their choices. Dieter chose to collect those moments with Shinae knowing they were supposed to be strictly platonic, everything as friends. Shinae still chose to confide in him, to open up, to let him in. Just because Nol pushed the friendship it doesnāt mean they had no agency in the matter.Ā
But obviously the real issue is not that he pushed them, that it draws out the pain for Dieter. Itās that he did all of that and in the end, he was the one who hurt him the most. It wasnāt that Shinae didnāt reciprocate - it was that Nol has feelings, too.Ā
Now, I want to make a point here that Iām sure weāre all on the same page about. No one is reallyĀ āat faultā here. Itās not like anyone has done anything wrong. Sure we can argue that Shinae has gotten Dieterās hopes up unintentionally. Sure we can argue that liking someone your friend likes is bad. But human feelings are messy and donāt exist in a vacuum of good vs bad. The whole thing about dibs is so gross in general - it denies someone agency and instead rests on those who like them. Is Nol a bad friend for falling for someone his friend also likes? Is Shinae a bad person for falling for the friend of the guy who likes her? Obviously there are things that need to be cleared up - she needs to sort out her feelings for them, but the point remains. No one is at fault.Ā
But that doesnāt mean Nol wonāt feel guilty, wonāt feel like an asshole for finding a new way to hurt the people he cares about.Ā
I know this sounds crazy but I kind of lmao like the way he told Shinae she needs to go, thatĀ āYou canāt be here alone with me any longer.āĀ
Nol has acknowledged his role in this. He acknowledges the way he deliberately hurt Dieter, even though it wasnāt his intention. And whatās more is what heās not saying - the subtext. That she canāt be alone with him because they will continue to say and do things that will hurt Dieter, that will create more pain. Nol knows how easily Shinae can disarm him if heās not vigilante. All it takes is her bringing him ease again, him falling back into that comfort, forgetting the rest of the world, acting on it again.Ā
Thereās something that feels so urgent about it? Intense? That she NEEDS to go because he doesnāt have the willpower any more. That heās trying REALLY HARD to be a good person, a good friend, but itās so difficult. He says it every which way besides with words, and if you read between the lines heās practically screaming it out loud.Ā
I actually think heās handling it pretty well, even if it doesnāt clear things up for Shinae in the moment. Heās acting on Dieterās behalf - but also on his own. And hers. Shinae needs to come to the conclusion he has and itās not for him to tell her. Part of why itās so easy for Shinae to let herself feel that way with Dieter is because she knows he likes her. Heās safe and comfortable. Had he never confessed would she think anything of the way he looks at her? Would she think anything of the comfort he brings her? But because she knows, it has affected her view. I donāt say that like itās a bad thing, because we all respond to people based on how they feel about us, I think. But if Nol were to speak those words out loud, if he were to tell herĀ āitās because I like you!ā how would it make her feel? Would it influence what she thinks about him? Surely it would!Ā
Nol is trying to get Shinae to come to the same realization he has, and more so, heās trying to get her to be clear about her feelings. Do you like me or not? Do you act this way with everyone? He sees the way she gets flustered, he knows the effect heās got on her. Heās probably sure she reciprocates those feelings and hasnāt figured it out yet - but thereās still a shadow of a doubt. Thereās still the fact that maybe heās reading into it, maybe heās seeing something that isnāt there. Maybe sheās someone who cares about him and heās misread it because heās so desperate to matter to someone, anyone.Ā
Look we all know better, but we also know how doubts persist!Ā
Thereās so much ANGST but itās SO good! Itās not angst for the sake of angst, itās not drawing something out just to make the story last. Nolās expressions cause me PAIN, Shinaeās make me ACHE. He feels like a guilty asshole, he wants her to go, but he canāt even look at her and say it - he looks away, his mouth set in that way holding back all the things he believes he should not say. Honestly they are so good at hurting each other ;______; it hurts ME, too!Ā
But also, I get it. Iām with Nol here. How can he bear to look at her when heās pushing her away again? How can he bear to look at her when itās all his fault (according to him). He canāt even look at her when he tells her Dieter was awake the whole time. Itās such a loaded statement but unfortunately it doesnāt QUITE land because Shinae canāt quite grasp the significance.Ā
Actually this whole part is both so funny and so unbearable to me lmao because Nol is all but saying that Dieter oversaw them having a very non-platonic moment and sheās like i donāt get it whyās that a big deal LMAOOOOOO ;____; Nol is going THROUGH it okay! She keeps insisting that it meant nothing, that itās just friends, whatās wrong with that. And Nol canāt come out and say the truth - that it looked romantic that it feltĀ romantic, that he meant all of it and thatās why itās so wrong. The whole time heās trying to get her to understand WHY that hurts Dieter and sheās just hurting him at the same time LMAO OUCHĀ
I LOVE those panels where we canāt see their faces - where itās Nolās frustration and anguish that she doesnāt get it, that heās trying, that he feels awful because of course those feelings are still there why wouldnāt they be. His frustration, the faint lines on Shinaeās face.Ā
Maybe itās there at the back of her mind - something faint, something distant. Maybe for a moment she understands what Nol isnāt saying, the implications of what Dieter oversaw, overheard. But if it, she doesnāt acknowledge it at all.Ā
Nolās hand over his face in frustration, that panel where we close in on his eye and Shinae saysĀ āYouāre not intentionally trying to hurt him!ā But... he is. Maybe he doesnāt want to hurt Dieter - but he IS intentionally doing things that hurt him. And he still wants to! Thatās the thing, thatās why he needs her to go. Itās so easy to fall into that, to act on that, to forget Dieter exists and instead indulge a little. It may not be his intention to hurt Dieter, but itās his intention to do things that WOULD hurt him, and she doesnāt get it.Ā
But GOD lmao the way she just starts to rub salt in the wound!!!!!Ā āWhatever he thinks is just a misunderstanding. Thereās NOTHING going on here!āĀ
In ILY universe, nothing is always Nol. There is Nol going on here.Ā
And look, I feel for him here, a LOT. This must be SO hard!!!! Not just the pushing her away, not just knowing he hurt Dieter, but having this whole conversation, her not getting it, her taking a moment that clearly meant SO MUCH to him and saying it meant nothing. Again, thereās so much that is LOADED when she saysĀ āWeāre all friends here!ā and he says that resoluteĀ āNoā, his eyes hidden from us, his hands firm on the wheelchair.Ā
Shinae misconstrues it as no, we arenāt all friends, but what Nol means is that no itās not justĀ friends. Itās two different people who like her a lot. Itās knowing he acted on something that hurt his friend. That moment wasnāt platonic, wasnāt just friendship - not for him. Clearly sheās unready to see it, but he knows it. No. Weāre not friends here - we are people who like you so very much.Ā
GOD, THE ANGST, THE ANGUISH. I AM SWINGING FROM THE RAFTERS IāM HOOTING.Ā
I LOVE the moment he says he canāt take this - he canāt keep having this conversation, canāt take being shut down like this, canāt handle her downplaying a significant moment. If she wants to tell herself it was nothing but to keep reiterating it to him? Unbearable! But also I LOVE that Shinae stands her group and puts her foot down, I love her calling him out because like I get it! I understand both of them. Sheās had no time to process any of this, all she knows is she wants him to stop pushing her away, she wants him to stop boxing her out, she wants him to be OPEN.Ā
In a way, they are fighting for the same thing, but they keep obstructing each other. They want the same thing but theyāre speaking in different languages. He WANTS her to see it - that it wasnāt a platonic moment, that he meant itĀ that it matters that their fingerprints are all over it. He wants her to see what Dieter saw. She wants him to show himself, to open up, to stop hiding, to be vulnerable. They are trying SO HARD to get the same thing, but they just keep butting heads and getting in each othersā way.Ā
AND WHEN SHE TELLS NOL THAT SHEāS NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DATING DIETER? OH MY /GOD/ lmao alkjfkjafkjafkjafkjja alfjakfjj SHRIEKSĀ
Not ONLY has she basically downplayed this whole romantic moment, downplayed whatever is transpiring between them but she goes on to say SHEāS NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DIETER?! LMAOOOOOOOOO Again I reiterate no one is at fault here!!!!!! But lmaooooo the OUCHIES of this whole conversation! Isnāt it bad enough that she says it was nothing it doesnāt mean anything, and then she goes on to be like I mean i donāt totally NOT not like him idk..... LMAOĀ
Heās clearly frustrated both in trying to get her to understand what he isnāt voicing, but also because he seems like such a resolute person? Or at least, he tries to be. I assume itās kind of like... he realized he likes her and thatās it. Itās not that he thinks he might like her, itās not that he might have some feelings. He knows heās all in, all feelings, all eyes on her. And she appears so wishy washy - flirting with him but doesnāt acknowledge it, unintentionally stringing Dieter along and igniting that hope.Ā
And the thing is she isnāt doing any of this maliciously. Sheās tried to be clear with Dieter! Itās not her fault that he keeps getting his hopes up. Sheās had no time to process her feelings for Nol, has had no experiences to compare any of this to. I love this conversation between them because it illuminates how little Shinae knows about feelings, about love, about romance. She hasnāt let anyone in in a long time, has guarded herself so tightly, and now that she has, how is she to understand the ways they affect her, what their significance means?Ā
Itās easy to see why she keeps trying to box her feelings about Nol into a box they donāt fit. Of course she cares, of course she worries, thatās what friends do. Itās not that she cares, though - itās why. Does she care as a friend or does she care as something else? Thatās what heās trying to get her to answer - and I think he got close. But she needs to distance herself from the night, too. She needs to dwell on those feelings - and not just the intensity of trying to hang on to him, but the other feelings, too. The butterflies, the fluttering, the fluster, the way she canāt meet his gaze, the way she starts to fluster if he looks at her for too long.Ā
Someone said that Shinae is practically confessing to Nol and doesnāt even realize it and my god theyāre right lmao. The way Shinae argues back that she knows Nol didnāt like it when she left after they danced, that she knows he was bummed, can you really throw all that away what weāve been through, how effortless we are? lmao SHE REALLY JUST. Goes on saying it!!! AND SHE DOESNāT RECOGNIZE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS.Ā
(I mean she did a whole damn love soliloquy in front of Minhyuk for Nol so like. Itās been an all night thing lmao)Ā
Also it hurt when Nol admits that Dieter doesnāt have that with Shinae - not even as her friend. Even if she does not not want to date him, even if a part of her DOES like him - does it compare to what she feels about Nol? Does it compare to what he means to her? He canāt look her in the eye, and even as she tries to play it off, to say hey all friendships are different does it really matter SHE canāt meet his eye.Ā
Consciously Shinae may not be aware of it but on some level she must know. On some subconscious level, that ghost of a thought passes by, a faint wave of shame. She doesnāt share with Dieter what she shares with Nol. Itās true that thereās something there, but itās something sheās avoiding, something she consciously cannot face yet.Ā
BUT LISTEN, MY GOD. NOL ASKING HER WHY SHE CARES /SCREAMS JUST SCREAMS ALJKFKJAFJKAFLJ AFJALJJAF AFJAKFJFA
Heās pushing!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that Nol is a ball of contradiction. He wants Shinae to acknowledge what he isnāt saying out loud, he wants her to realize that it means something to him, that there are feelings, that itās not platonic, and he wants her to acknowledge so she understands why heās pushing her away. But I think he also wants her to admit it herself. Confirm what he suspects. She fights SO hard but she canāt say why. She cares so much but she canāt elaborate.Ā
Convince me.Ā
LKJFKJAF LAJFKAJFA F /SCALES THE WALLS PARKOURS ACROSS ALL THE ROOFS IN THE NEIGHBORBOOD.Ā
He knows. HE KNOWS. Convince him heās wrong. Convince him itās not what he thinks. Convince her that her extent of care of need her desperate desire to keep hold of him to make him show himself to her to be vulnerable with him is platonic. Convince him.Ā
AND SHE CANāT!!!!!!!!!Ā
Again, she averts her gaze! Again, she flusters and blushes. Again he disarms her just by looking at her and he takes advantage of the moment to finally kick her out.Ā
GOD WHAT AN EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA BARK BARK BARK WOOOOF RLKJJKJ RRRRGGHHR RRRRHGHGHG LDKJC YIP YIP YIPĀ
ITāS SO GOOD. THE SUBTEXT, THE EXPRESSIONS, THE DANCE AROUND THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, THE ANGST, THE EMOTIONS.Ā
And no matter which standpoint you look at it from itās just GOOD.Ā
Nol feels guilty, like an asshole, he has hurt his friend. But more than that - itās how he knows he canāt be alone with her, how he knows he canāt stop himself any more from acting on what he wants. He needs to PHYSICALLY remove her because thatās how little resistance he has, because thatās how much she gets to him, how much she affects him. Itās the way it hurts to have this conversation - where if he says the words out loud it makes them real and it becomes a weight she has to carry. If he can make her reach the conclusion on her own, maybe it wonāt be so bad. He wonāt have to deal with the pain if she doesnāt reciprocate - if she comes to the right conclusion and keeps her distance. If he says them out loud and she has to turn him down? He canāt handle that he canāt bear it. But at the same time, every time she denies that their shared moment meant nothing, that the way he looked at her, the way he treated her (HOW HE TOUCHED HER?????) was just platonic to him???? HOW CAN HE BEAR TO ENDURE THAT CONVERSATION?!Ā
And itās not that it means nothing - she just needs the space and time to process it, to really play out what happened. I think, too, on some level she IS subconsciously repressing it. Isnāt it scary? Especially because Nol is a person who comes and goes, who pushes her away and then shares these intense moments and then shoves her away again. What good is it to acknowledge what he means when she can barely keep a hold on him as a friend, when she can barely make him understand his significance. Nol and Dieter both are such good friends to her, people she can rely on, people who make her feel safe. Sure Nol may not make her feel secure all the time lmao but when itās just them, when theyāre lost in that little world, for the moment, he does. Itās scary, to think of losing any of that. All the relationships sheās ever been privy to have fallen apart. Thereās no photos, no memories of her family as a whole unit. Sheās seen what Rand and Yui look like. Sheās got no experience of her own, and now that she has friends she loves so much, sheās too afraid to lose them.Ā
How can she begin to dissect what Nol means to her when it makes him feel more fleeting? How can she begin to understand what exists between them is romantic when sheās never really witnessed a healthy successful romance exist?
The thing that makes friends to lovers SUCH a good trope, and why I love it SO MUCH is the stakes, the risk vs the payout. What if you take that step and it all goes wrong? What if you mess it up and you lose someone who is SO important to you, someone who means so much? What if all goes wrong and you canāt put it back together and you make something beautiful all wrong by getting your fingerprints on it and chipping the corners? You start to fear even the possibility because sure it could go well - but if it goes bad you lose it ALL. Everything.Ā
But what is life if you donāt take some risks? Can you live with that regret, if you never take a chance, if you miss out on something you wanted?Ā
Thatās the thing about Dieter, isnāt it? He knows the risks. He knows heās playing with fire, knows he doesnāt quite have with Shinae what Nol does. But he still tries. He still lets his unwavering hope go, even if it hurts him. He canāt ever say he has any regrets because heās given it his all. Sure, it hurt a LOT and itās going to, until he gets over her and can find a way to move on, but at least he tried. At least he made the effort and can say that he did his best.Ā
Itās funny that Nol and Shinae stand in that place. Sheās doing her best, sheās making an effort so she canāt regret not trying - but she just canāt see the full picture, canāt acknowledge WHY sheās fighting WHY sheās pushing. But Nol is the other part of it, the understanding, but also fear. Itās not just Dieter that stops him. If she continues to deny that it means anything, if she continues to say it was nothing.... that hurts. Itās bad enough to have feelings - but for the person you like to deny them? GOD. ;A;Ā
At this point thereās a lot of conversations that need to be had, and i think Iām looking forward to (hopefully?!) seeing Nol and Dieter talk it out. I think as much as Dieter is hurt, I canāt see him as the kind of person who would stand in the way of his friends happiness. If they make each other happy, who is he to tell Nol to back off or something? Shinae is a person with agency who can make her own choices and if she comes to a realization that she reciprocates Nolās feelings well.... he canāt really stop her just because she doesnāt like him. Heās not an incel alkfkjafjaf lmao I donāt think itās the kind of thing that would make him hate either of them.Ā
Iāve said it before but Dieter loves Nol, too, so he can understand why Shinae would fall for him. And likewise, as a person who likes Shinae, Iām sure he can understand how Nol would unintentionally fall. Thereās a lot thatās happened between Nol and Shinae that Dieter doesnāt know about - the things that draw them together, that make them reach out to one and other. I think he can probably get that sense - thereās just SOMETHING ELSE there that isnāt with him and Shinae.Ā
I like to think Dieter might encourage Nol, or at the very least perhaps tell him to stop pushing people away. That one of these days heāll push and she wonāt come back and can he really live with that? While Dieter doesnāt know as much as Shinae, he at least seems to have the sense that thereās a profound depth to Nol, that thereās a lot of pain (as evidenced between him and Kousuke) and that his life hasnāt been as easy as Yeonggi made it look, so maybe he, too, will what it means for Nol to open up, to really truly fall for someone who feels the same as him. Who is he to deny their happiness, just because it makes him hurt?Ā
On the other hand, a part of me dreads Dieter and Shinae talking because WHEW BOY we know itās going to hurt either way it goes. Will she deny her feelings about Nol, try to continue to write them off as friendship because it scares her, because sheās so afraid of losing him that sheās willing to swallow them down, because she doesnāt want it to get in the way? Even if she did, Dieter would see through it. I think now that heās seen it, reallyĀ seen it at play, he knows he canāt keep pretending. Thatās why heās distanced himself. If she were to try to play the card that it meant nothing wouldnāt he get more upset that sheās lying? God it just feels like a painful conversation ;___; And if sheās honest with him, if she sets him straight that she should have been clearer, that she hurt him, it just makes it hurt more AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHĀ
JUST AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
All that said, I love how good of a subversion ofĀ āwhy does my kokoro go dokidokiā. Itās not that Shinae is naĆÆve - itās that sheās inexperienced and scared. Itās that she hasnāt had the time to process, itās that she has this mix of feelings that sheās had no time to sort them out and untangle them. For so long she held people at armās length and now her heart is too full! And because itās subverting that trope, I donāt think weāll see it drawn out for a terribly long time, and sheāll put on her big girl pants and try to make it right. Right now sheās afraid to rock the boat. Sheās been hurt so many times by people, she doesnāt want to be the one who hurts others, she doesnāt want to be the one who inflicts pain. But I think when she realizes the truth, sheāll realize that trying to ignore it causes more pain, drawn out. Thatās what Nol is getting at. That as long as she doesnāt definitively have feelings, it only hurts. It drags out Dieterās pain every time he thinks thereās a chance. It drags out Nolās pain, that she canāt sort out the feelings.Ā
I love so much that Shinae cares about peoplesā feelings - especially because in the beginning she so badly wanted to believe she doesnāt care if people think sheās a bitch. Sheās so empathetic and caring! But at some point we have to realize that avoiding a problem only makes it worse. Itās so much better to be up front and get it out of the way. Dieter wonāt be able to heal until the wound stops getting ripped open. He WILL be okay, he WILL get over. But it wonāt happen until she makes things clear.Ā
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHĀ
I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS SO MANY FEELINGS I HAVENāT EVEN TALKED ABOUT NOLāS RESOLVE BUT IāM SAVING THAT FOR A SEPARATE POST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGSĀ
#I Love Yoo#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#Stalkyoo#Shinae Yoo#Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn#Nol#Dieter Becker-Wulff#Shieter#WHAT MORE CAN I SAY I AM BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS OKAY I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS I WILL BE BACK TONIGHT WITH MORE THOUGHTSSSSSSSSS#gonna keep the tags short this time because i'm just completely feral RARRLKAJRJAJRRRRrr
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i was a socially online 18yo during pre-streaming years and had a ~reasonable follower count, and let me tell you i was noooooooot mentally alright enough to deal with that court of opinions whenever i made a mistake LOL rather than response videos w me crying and yelling, i would go on several postsā worth of rants, and posting photos of myself crying (lmaooooooo). it was embarrassing, taxing, and smacked my mental health to new lows ā and stepping back from it permanently changed my actual life. i hope caiti can do the same because, wowie, i am getting flashbacks to myself, and it is Not a healthy place to be
Yeah I definitely think we need to be more careful about giving instant fame and internet attention to young adults because you never know who has the mental and emotional capacity for this stuff and who doesn't.
And I am sad that caiti is crashing and burning so hard over this because she probably would have been able to make decent money streaming, but the attention has clearly negatively affected her and now I recognize that she is absolutely not cut out for this type of lifestyle.
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