#yeen talkin bout itself

[hyenaboycunt]

Having some kink/dynamic thoughts. More reflective than horny. Probably.

Part of the fantasy is the idea of being someone's first priority. Knowing you're the first place their thoughts turn. Knowing their choices are driven by your needs as much as theirs. Being safe and cherished and protected.

Part of the fantasy is being someone's responsibility. The painful minutiae of life are being handled by someone who loves you. Things are scheduled or paid for or simply managed. And they're so competent and compassionate that the trust is easy.

Part of the fantasy is knowing you're doing something right. Being told what's expected of you and then performing it well. Knowing that someone is satisfied and pleased because of your talents and your inclusion in their life.

[hyenaboycunt]

This thing is daydrinking and trying to be horny, lol. Feel free to be a total fucking creep in my inbox. If you impress me (and/or make me hard) I'll post it.

[hyenaboycunt]

It's just my luck that accepting that I have some flavor of embarrassment kink suddenly makes things less embarrassing 🙄

[hyenaboycunt]

I'm dealing with "strangers who I find attractive consistently find me attractive in return" suddenly and for the first time in my life. So I tried to vent to girlthing about how it's confusing to once again be relearning how to navigate social interactions. But she's been hot the whole time. So she has literally zero helpful advice.

[hyenaboycunt]

"I'm my own Dom. I can do this."

-scrawls degrading, shaming, objectifying things onto my body in sharpie-

-throws on boxers and an A-shirt-

"Okay, that's enough dopamine to get the day rolling. I totally have enough spoons to make applesauce."

^^ It thinks it's lying to itself, but it knows that doing a Task™️ for "Daddy™️ (me)" will probably work.

[hyenaboycunt]

Augh. Trying to think about how to convey that I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that kink and sex and intimacy and all that bullshit like... Literally saves me. Regulates me. Keeps me sane in the same way that taking my meds keeps me sane.

[hyenaboycunt]

I wish I knew what it's like to have a partner who's got a higher sex drive than I do

Like. I am that partner. Part of it is that I get reciprocal arousal real easy. So if they're horny, I'm probably horny. Part of it is that my body just... Regulates better when I fuck on the regular. I'm more emotionally and psychologically level when I'm getting off or whatever.

Even my girl, who has had a nearly-comparable drive to me, has been less interested lately. Which is fine! She's going thru it and doesn't need/want to be banging like we had been.

But. I do keep getting rejected. By someone who had barely ever turned down my advances before. And I'm paranoid that if I do actually try to date/flirt around that she'll get weird about it, despite her own proclivities. She's kinda fickle/hypocritical like that...

Idk. I just wanna know what it's like to have the lower (baseline) sex drive. Even if I hated it, at least I'd understand it better.

[hyenaboycunt]

I'm fueled by attention, spite, and the desperate & oft-wavering belief that love is real and worth living for.

[hyenaboycunt]

Feeling absolutely self-destructive in the club [my home] tonight [10am on a Saturday].

[hyenaboycunt]

Got a new phone. Autosynced photos with the last phone that I had autosync turned on. So I saw pics of myself from 2019, right after I realized I wasn't cis but before I started doing anything about it. It's... Jarring. Weird and uncomfortable but also gave me a stunning sense of "what I'm doing right now is right for me"

[hyenaboycunt]

If someone w/in a day's travel of Fargo-Moorhead wants to have a "wtf fuck this" hookup, hmu. I'll cover your travel costs (to a point) and I'll host. DM me.

[hyenaboycunt]

I'm covered in whip welts~☆

[hyenaboycunt]

Genuinely hilarious to me that there are some older kinksters I know who can use it/its pronouns no problem but trip over their own tongues if they try to use they/them.

[hyenaboycunt]

Spent all weekend at a kink event. I scened with my Switch, and it got to bottom for a couple of notorious sadists. I'm so sore xD

[hyenaboycunt]

Do I need a pup hood or do I need the hellhound creature cock?

[hyenaboycunt]

I swear I'm not ignoring anyone on purpose (right now); I just went on vacation last week and girlthing dedicated the last three days to making me senseless and stupid as a welcome home present. Today is the first day it hasn't worked me into a crying mess haha.