#yeah. im albert posting. so what

[we-are-inevitable]

high school au albert dasilva has a perpetually crooked nose and a dental flipper with a fake tooth in the very front due to at least 9 years of ice hockey under his belt by the age of 17. he’s gotten more concussions than he cant count and more broken bones than he can remember. he’s in a constant state of casual injury and still manages to throw a mean left hook at anyone who gives him any sort of shit. he has constant dark circles under his eyes and a sly grin that can wither light up a room or strike terror into the heart of his enemy based on the position his eyebrows are in at any given time. he’s perfect and a jackass and he knows it

[star-dust-stuf]

Albert Shaw x period!reader

title: im a baby you're holding

warnings: descriptions of blood, nudity (not sexual), pain, fluff that will make your heart ache!

a/n: sorry not sorry, this is cute and I know I should've done a period comfort sooner. posted this at three am btw. as always sorry for typos, this has nothing to do with sex or abuse. enjoy babes.

-

It as rainy out, I could tell by the small window up by the ceiling of the basement, it was grey outside, the sky and the clouds gave me a feeling of home along with the smell of dirt. I was huddled against a corner of the basement, my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around them, I was bleeding... Yes it is as it may seem. I moved to the cold uncomfy ground because God knows how Albert would respond if I had bled on the mattress.

Though the mattress is already quite dirty, I didn't want it to be blood. He could think so many things and one of them would be my self harm, he didn't believe me when I said I wanted to stay with him, at least not yet, and time again he'd show me how much he trusted me and id show how much I trusted him. But today was different, I was waiting for dinner, for him to unlock that door and see the bloody mess on the blood.

Would he get mad? Hed punish me by leaving me alone in the dark in which he knew I feared, but only time will tell how he'd react and I waited, my heart calm pounding in my chest. But then I heard that door unlock it fluttered like a moth, it wanted out. I flinched but kept my head down. He entered, he set the tray down on the hard floor and squatted down to my level, he was close I could hear his breathing through the mask.

He pet my hair, he hummed softly. "Hmh, bunny?"

I looked up my eyes teary and glossy as I did, his eye grew soft in his mask and looked down to the blood below us, I immediately felt the tension and guilt. He titled his head at this but didn't say anything about it. But he spoke once again.

"You've earned so much trust from me, I don't want you to be scared over something that is bound to happen." I couldn't help it, I started crying even more. He sighed and pulled me close. "Shh, I gotcha." He put my head on his chest, he rocked side to side gently.

"I suppose you'd want to get cleaned up?" I nodded a little, his voice became lighter like he was happy and almost amused. "Yeah?" I knew he was smiling under the mask.

He helped me up to my feet, it was clear I was sitting in the same spot for a while, my nightgown was soaked in blood. He walked to he basement door and opened it, he looked back at me. "Come on... I promise it's alright." 

I walked towards him and as we walked up the steps he kept his hands over my eyes, making sure I didn't trip over a step and made sure I walked to the bathroom without looking, I understood why he didn't want me to. There was a flick of a light switch and a closing of a door. He uncovered my eyes. I was in a bathroom, the toilet next to the sink and in front of the sink was the bath, he turned on the water. 

He put the plug in the drain, "I'll have to stay here with you while you bathe. I can't have you trying anything can I?" He patted my head.

I titled my head a little, he laughed at this. "Don't worry Bunny, I won't do anything you won't like. What's important is we get you clean." 

The water went, I was feeling a little shy, he sighed at this and spoke once again. "I'll be back. You get undressed and in the water."

He left the bathroom, I did what I was told. I got undressed and slipped into the hot water it made my body relax and I settled but I kept my knees pressed against my chest. He came back in with a new nightgown. "I suppose I can say I was prepared for this." 

He also had some new underwear for me... And a pad. I felt loved, so loved. He crouched down from the outside of the bath and grabbed a bar of soap. "Now, I can't do this unless you tell me it's alright." His voice was stern like he meant it.

"It's okay..." I said. He looked at me to double check it was really okay before he started to rub my back with the bar of soap, and brought it to the front of my chest on my collarbone. I slowly put my knees down. 

It's not like I felt uncomfortable but I was in a vulnerable state. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable nor did he have any intentions of it. He just made sure I got clean before getting my hair wet and he was trying to be very gentle, he's never done this before and it showed. I giggled a little and I saw his eyes look at me through his mask. 

He didn't say anything but I knew he smiled a little as he continued to wash my hair. He rinsed me and that's when he started speaking again. "Feel good?" His voice was light. 

I nod a little and once he got me rinces he stood up, putting his hands on his knees and he grabbed a towel... His towel from the wrack and held it open. "Let's get you dry." 

I stood up slowly, it was clear I was in some pain, he dried me gently and he me some privacy to get dressed and situated. Once I was done he sighed. "I understand... Cramps may be a problem."

I didn't say anything but he knew it was a very likely possibility and didn't need my word to take action. He held out his hand for me to take. Almost like you would a child, and I took it. He led me back to the basement and got me back on the mattress. 

He sighed, "I'll get you something for the pain." He whispered like he didn't want me to hear but at the same time he did.

When he came back he had a hot water bottle, he sat next to me again. "lay down." His voice is soft once again, I do so. He gently placed it on my lower tummy and rubbed the side of my hip. 

He didn't want to leave me alone, he felt so sad I had to stay down here in the dark, in pain. He knew periods weren't fun and he just had a spot in his heart to want to stay, so he did. He lied next to me but he didn't touch me, not wanting me to be uncomfortable but I didn't want him to think it would so I scooted closer to him.

I knew he was smiling a bit under his mask. He put his hand on my forehead and stroked me gently till I was able to relax from the pain and go to sleep.

And through the night he made sure that hot water bottle stayed warm, even if it meant him having to get up the stairs and all the way back down. 

He kissed my forehead and slept next to me, he was a light sleeper and when he heard me start to whine from the pain he immediately woke. "Oh. Shh, shh, shh." He cooed.

He stroked my cheek, he whispers gently. "Breathe, focus on my voice."

I sniffled, I was subconsciously holding onto his sleeve but he didn't mind. He smiled at how much he was able to help and he kissed and rested his lips on my forehead for about five seconds before rubbing my tummy gently. Making sure I fell asleep once again.

[sophaeros]

OKAY YES, you were reading that right. idk why but i always imagine those three at the forefront of arguments. nikolai definitely being the voice of reason, but nick and julian are just assholes who argue 😭 but i can completely see albert being up their too, especially because of him releasing his solo music, and wanting to kick off his solo career. (which i don’t think was him wanting to leave the band in any way). i think im gonna have to make a whole post about my thoughts on their angles dispute

IM LITERALLY MAKING A POST ON THAT TOO lets compare notes after i finish my four fucking assignments due this week

and yes i can definitely see that. the thing is that nick is very opinionated and not shy at all to say it and julian is julian which is to say that hes a control freak who wishes he wasnt a control freak and all of them suck shit at communicating

HOWEVER i would say that nick is also definitely the voice of reason sometimes but in the way where he's clearly barely holding himself back from just yelling at you. it's great they all try so hard and i guess it must work to a certain extent considering theyre still together

nikolai is so reserved that it's hard to get a clear handle on him but given that mmitb quote from fab about him being the only one julian would bend to (which. i still need to fucking know what he meant by that changed later on.) and him being the one to wake julian up in a 2003 recording session (i knoww i wish we had a more recent one too but whatever the whole business of rpf is extrapolation and i cba to find a more recent quote rn) it makes sense that he would be a mediating force. but i will also say that i'd wager hes far more outspoken in private than he is in interviews so idkk

i wanted to post this as a quote and then i thought maybe i'd just synthesise it into a post summing up my thoughts on angles but anyway yes they argued a lot about albert's solo shit during pre-angles and from what he says it was partially him being fucking depressed from all the drug abuse and not feeling like he belonged in the band anymore. which doesnt mean that he didnt Want to be but when youre in heavy addiction and a very dark place mentally..yeah. i can't fucking find the quote about him describing how he self-sabotaged/sabotaged the band a lot trying to force them to fire him like he didnt show up to rehearsals didnt contribute etc i swear to god i read it but i can't finddd itttttt

[exchangell]

INTRO + FIC MASTERLIST

hello! my name's chiara, and welcome to my blog :) im really uncertain of how everything works since its been a WHILE since i was last on here, but here's some information on me + a masterlist of my stuff :)

SO WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

first off, imaginary person i came up with for this post, rude!! im british asian, and pretty much all i do all day is write. however, the important part of this blog is that, once every blue moon, i take the initiative to actually post some of it on ao3. here's what i can offer you:

too much religious imagery

too many literary references

too many titles from song names (psst my last.fm is exchangel!)

too much vague dacryphilia (i'm not making the last part bold)

too much gushing over female characters

always open to fanfic requests!

i'm mostly active in these fandoms as of 15/05/24: i have no mouth and i must scream, yonderland, bbc ghosts

i never shut up about sir francis walsingham, harlan ellison and franz schubert, so.... yeah!

now, prepare yourself for....

FANFICTION TIME 😳

BBC GHOSTS + YONDERLAND (eventually)

pretty girls make graves - ghosts au (series on hiatus)

in your lap - sir humphrey bone/reader

letters from bone hall - sophie/humphrey

I HAVE NO MOUTH, AND I MUST SCREAM

sins of the flesh - am/reader

points of authority - am/reader (ongoing series)

CLASSICAL MUSIC RPF

an arrangement for voice and piano- beethoven/schubert

a poet and his pianist- franz von schober/franz schubert

and i shouldn't cry (but i love it)- amadeus! salieri/mozart

chopin and liszt at mcdonalds- no ships

and teach you how to be a holy cow- beethoven/schubert

RAMMSTEIN (ignore this, i woke up and realised this wasn't the hill i wanted to die on)

liebe an der leine- frau schneider/pussy!flake

hands on your knees (you can braid my hair)- flake lorenz/reader

crime and punishment- flake lorenz/reader

bückstabü - flake lorenz/reader

führe mich - flake lorenz/reader

liebe an der leine- frau schneider/pussy mv flake

hands on your knees (you can braid my hair)- flake lorenz/reader

crime and punishment- flake lorenz/reader

bückstabü - flake lorenz/reader

führe mich - flake lorenz/reader

BATMAN

deftly- dano!riddler/fem! reader

house of flies- murphy!scarecrow/dano!riddler

how the tables turn- murphy!scarecrow/dano!riddler

CLASSICALOID

sardanapalo- liszt/fem!reader

down once more- mozart/schubert/beethoven, poto au

let's get mischievous (and polyamorous)- multiship (abandoned series)

blasphemie- multiship, unfinished series, 3/6 chapters

variations- headcanon series, beethoven/reader so far

on a cold night by moonlight- chopin/schubert

o mozart! immortal mozart!- mozart/schubert

OTHER FANDOMS

FNAF masquerade- ballora/springtrap, william afton/clara afton

BLUEYCAPSULES chicken tikka masala- william afton/gn!reader

DINOVERSE- so anxious- dr. albert krueger/gn! reader

OKJA- top 10 cool facts!!!- jay/gn!reader

HETALIA- god save the queen's jewels- no ships, crackfic

AMADEUS- and i shouldn't cry (but i love it)- mozart/salieri

SPIDERMAN- schokolade- doc ock/fem! reader

LOTR- meet me in the pale moonlight - frodo/reader

DELTARUNE

something about you- rouxls kaard/gn!reader o holy knight- multiship, (abandoned) stargirl interlude- rouxls kaard/fem!reader

[alinktoana]

30 day no fanart challenge

this is the meat of the challenge: no fanart for 30 days (oh wow lol) 1. drawing categories/prompts instead of IP: it can be *anything*, it can be food, hobbies/professions, folklore/mythology. eg: actual taiko drums instead of taiko no tatsujin characters, cute dinosaurs instead of yoshi, cool hedgehogs instead sonic (lol) 2. IF i happen to wanna draw fanart, it's gotta be at least 100 years old (anything before 1924) eg: drawing fanart of John Tenniel's Alice (1865) and not disney Alice (1951), Albert Lynch's Joan of Arc (1903) and not Clone High Joan (2002). ps: im not sure about famous people yet, but i think ill go with the same idea that theyd have to have been dead before 1924.

here's some stuff ive drawn with that in mind, even though i hadnt stablished the challenge yet lol

why a no fanart challenge? well well well, if this isnt another post artist alley eulogy lol

here's some background feelings: after having helped promote 2 japanese food festivals and tabled on both its artist alley's, and knowing myself, and having grown up in the age of comic/book to film adaptations and the rebootprequelsequelmagaddon, it's really hard for me not to fanart, even though i trashtalk hollywood all the time for not taking risks and doing original stuff, lo and behold, i do the same. who am i to judge _anything_ when i watched all three star wars sequels in theaters and crushed on kylux for years, i was kneedeep into hannigram, i gave money to the barbenheimer industrial complex. how can i blame RGG for not letting kiryu go when i _cried legit tears of joy_ when pirate majima was announced? (granted, it's not as bad as the kiryu situation lol but this is about ma$cots, not me lol)

i love a lot of characters, a lot of stories, im always jumping from show to show, game to game, and coming back to them. but i wanna go beyond my love for other people's art and be in love with my own, now that im at a better skill and mental state. it might not resonate as much, specially at the japanese festivals im a part of, but i wanna try. and im gonna start slow, i *am* going to draw japanese food, japanese animals, and create my tiny little scenes and see what comes up. i love stickers with every fiber of my being lol so ill always have in mind that ill draw stuff that i would wanna stick on my own sketchbooks and journals. but i need to do this, at least for 30 days. who knows what will happen later, you know? a friend of mine once said that colored pencils are like sugar, and graphite pencils are like veggies. and i feel like fanart and not-fanart is the same. we love fanart, but it's not healthy to only draw fanart... also i love people who delve into IP OCs and stuff, it always seems a lot of fun. i could try that, but i think ill cut my fanart ties cold turkey and then i can figure something out, i dont know lol i could go back to d&d character sheets lol another side note: i went to film school bc i loved watching movies. i wanted to tell stories, but i had no idea how, and i didnt think i had the talent for drawing. i started studying japanese and bullet journaling, bc i had the urge to draw, and those were the mediums that were close enough to drawing i felt i could try. and then hannibal happened, i had a roommate who was learning to watercolor, and i was like, screw it, let me draw hannigram bc i love them lol ive had the opportunity to make some movies, but logistically and creatively, they never felt as good as having the spark of inspiration, sketching, linearting, painting, printing and selling these tiny ass stickers. there is some control freakness in that, sure lol but there's also a need to build confidence in my own abilities, which sadly i didnt have a space for in movie sets... anyway, ill always mourn not having spent my teens drawing, but im making my kid self proud now <3 also i might post my new stickers at some point, i still havent made a pinned post lol but someday, you know so yeah, if anyone's reading this, ty lol TLDR: if you draw, write, sculpt, whatever, anything, and you tend to do fanart, ask yourself if you're fanarting a bit too much, if there's a way of turning your love for these characters/worlds into something different and more you.

[yasminewestbank]

all movie asks answers from the ask meme post bc it was fun

Your favorite movie released this year DIDNT WATCH ANY 2023 MOVIES YET.. CRIES

A movie you think is underrated - obliged to say An Elephant Sitting Still by hu bo bc i can never find it in dvd stores and i unfortunately honestly dont know if i will find a screening of it in a cinema available to me ever again but i dream of it

A movie you think is overrated - going to put two, one new and one classic. first one is parasite. im bitter abt this movie bc it was advertised like crazy and the reviews were so hyping and then i went and it was average. its not a bad movie but not only doesnt deserve the hype the hype ruined it for me bc if i went with the proper expectations i wouldnt have gotten so disappointed. a classic is alphaville of godard... obviously its a good movie and im sure it was groundbreaking at the time but by now the story doesnt feel as sophisticated bc this genre of story is at this point.. i wouldnt say overdone bc its still a great genre but its not fresh or suprising by now without making it more complex. this movie felt like a blueprint to the 1984 book soviet dystopia genre so it didnt keep up with the times. many classic movies are still exciting and fresh just like when they came out including other movies of godard but this isn't one of them. but i can also see how it was probably one of godard's top commercial movies, bc it was easier to digest and more basic than his other work

A movie you like but wouldn't recommend - stalker of tarkovsky and tarkovsky movies in general bc i think it would probs be boring to most ppl (its slow and not much plot) + tarkovsky movies r slow and the kind of movies u have to watch in the movie theater

A movie musical you like - annette of leox carax. and its not only a good movie the music is so good too

A horror movie you like - audition by takashi miike . love japanese violence

A sci-fi movie you like - high life by claire denis. AND it has robert pattinson in it!!!!!!!111 and hes amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fantasy movie you like

A movie in your native language you like - Life According to Agfa by Assi Dayan. one of the only good israeli movies that exist bc i didnt see so far any good, worthwhile or complex israeli movie besides this one (not including documentaries).

A foreign-language movie you like - (i put a bunch already so ill do one in a language i didnt put yet) tori and lokita by the dardenne brothers. takes place in belgium in french about a young refugee woman and a refugee child from africa who pose as brother and sister. this is going to destroy you but its such a good movie i cant recommend it enough but i still cant recover

A movie you wish you could un-watch - the disney secretariat movie. it was so bad oh my god it was so fucking bad im in pain. i want disney to give me back the braincells i lost. this actor horse deserves so much better

A performance you think is underrated - Vicenç Altaió (yeah had to google this one) in story of my death by albert serra. his acting was insane. probably one of the best acting perfomances ive ever seen, specifically the toilet scene stuck with me. so it's a period movie about casanova. there a scene in the movie that all of it is just him taking a shit. and of course it sounds goofy but it was actually a really human and sensitive depiction and his acting was so natural i completely forgot i was watching a movie. he really made this scene what it is. and tbh i think even from those other photos u can see what i mean on him

A performance you think is overrated

A movie made better by the ending - only thing that comes up in my mind is barton fink of joel coen.. i can barely remember this movie bc i watched it years ago but (spoilers) i can just remember there was a twist in the middle that flipped the whole movie on its head and it was super enjoyable. besides this i cant think of anything

A movie ruined by the ending - the holy mountain of jodorowsky... at the time i watched it i was so disappointed by the ending it was so anticlimactic. i think he thought he did something but it just didnt work. (might be spoilers) same vibes when a story pulls "and then he found out it was all a dream". like.. in this case it just didnt feel fitting it was disappointing. but i watched it years ago so i wonder if i would feel the same now

A trilogy/franchise you like cant think of anything

A movie you never get tired of talking about - drive my car by ryusuke hamaguchi. its fun to talk abt this movie bc even tho there are a lot of themes and details that make it what it is, its not too complex to not be able to grasp and pinpoint them. so its complex enough to be a good movie but not too complex to not be able to talk abt it, both abt the good and bad things (bc there r also choices the director made that i dont like). and there's also so much to talk abt that stems from this movie not only in the movie itself but also what it shows abt japanese cinema, contemporary japanese cinema/this generation of japanese directors versus the previous generations. also i love this director in general i recc all his movies

A movie you never wanna hear about again - if i hear one more thing abt any marvel movie im going to kill myself

A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not) - aki karutismaki's fallen leaves that came out this year

A movie you think looks beautiful - red desert of antonioni. i adore the aesthetic of this movie. tbh its probably my favorite movie visuals wise. i just cant stop adding photos from google bc i love everything slkfdsflsfgds

A director you think is underrated - tbh hard to think of anyone.. i think any director i like got some kind of recognition, and if i think ok which one doesnt get mainstream recognition it would be basically most of them. so im trying to think.. who do i rlly think doesnt get recognition. maybe the crown should go to the photographer petra collins who actually directed the first season of euphoria before sam levinson kicked her out and claimed he did it and stole all her work

A director you think is overrated - HITCHCOCK!!!!!!! HES NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TRULY NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD PULL UP 10 DIRECTORS FROM HIS TIME AND BEFORE HIM THAT ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HE IS THAT ARENT AS HYPED UP. godard and kurosawa made movies so much better and decades before him so the reason hes hyped cant even be that what he made was groundbreaking for the time. hitchcock is MID

An animated movie you like - the cowboy bebop movie... its so fun and satisfying to watch i watched it so many times dsfdf

A silent movie you like cant think of anything

Your favorite movie - possession by andrej zulawski. im speechless abt it. dont read a summery go into this blind. its such an insane experience (sin look my fav movie is a polish movie)

Your least favorite movie i dont rlly have one i have a whole bunch of movies i dont like but i dont have THE hated movie

[ha1taniwh0re]

Hello, how are you feeling? I hope that everything is going well for you. 💕

Anyway, I wanted to request some William James Moriarty x Reader, where they know each other for a pretty long time now and the Reader wants to confess her love to him, but is a bit shy and has troubles with it.

Also on the same time, she knows about the plan and she doesn’t want to ruin it, even though she thinks it is unfair for him to sacrifice himself like that.

3 years passes after the Final Problem events, Reader thinks she finally moved on and then William comes back and with him, the feelings Reader had for him. Of course Reader is pretty upset with him for disappearing for 3 years and making her go through all of this. But in the end, she forgives him and is happy being able to see him again. And finally, the Reader builds up the strength and tells him on how she really feels.

So yup, some angst to fluff, and maybe some hurt/comfort as well. Of course if you don’t mind it 😊

Omg i got this like almost a month ago… im so sorry i had a hard time so I didn’t post much but also i started that one book on Wattpad so im doing this rn.

Im so sorry anon please enjoy 💕

Why does my heart cry… Liam

/reader pov/

I was just sitting in my room and thinking about William. He is such a sweet young lord and every lady wants him, even me….

“Ahh….” I was upset.

“Is everything alright Y/n-chan??” Louis asked while standing at my door.

“Louis… omg hey… yeah im good”.

“I knocked but you didn’t answer”

“No no it’s alright.. Why did you come here?? If i can know?”

“Oh yeah, William nii-san told me to tell you we have a meeting about next target”

“I will be down in second”, i said and he left room with smile.

This is a day… i will tell him after meeting.

/2 hours later/

“That’s the plan guys”, Liam said and everyone went to do there job.

As i wanted to leave i stopped and remembered i will tell him about my feelings now.

“Hey Liam… before i go I wanted to tell you something…”

“Yes Y/n what is it?” He looked at me.

He beautiful eyes… i love them so much…

“You know I was really scared to tell you this but…..”

Wait… If i tell him about my feelings and he doesn’t feel like that too he will kick me out of group or the plan wouldn’t work if he is with me..

“Y/n????!!!” Liam said.

“Oh yeah sorry.. amm nothing sorry im gonna go and do my part of job”…

With that i left the room and I can say i was avoiding Liam for long time. But soon i was regretting that. Right now im sitting at his grave and crying…

“I wish you are here Liam… You know i had feelings for you but you are not with me anymore in this world we made…. You are such a stupid brat sometimes…. We told you that you don’t need to sacrifice yourself but no you didn’t listen…”

I got up and left some flowers there and went home. It was already dark when i got back home and lights were on??? Strange?? Louis told me he will be somewhere tonight. Oh yeah in mansion were only me and Louis now so it’s quite sometimes. I got inside and heard voices? Familiar ones. I got in living room and saw everyone…

“Omg….” I said with tears and everyone were now looking at me.

I ran to Albert to hug him.

“ALBERT OMGG!!!!”

“Y/nn heyyy it was a while”

He hugged me back and could say he wanted to cry too. When we pulled away I hugged everyone but than i saw SHERLOCK?!

“Sherly?! What… but????”

“He is here too (nickname)”

“Y/nn!!!”

A voice i missed said. One I thought i will never hear again. I turned around and saw HIM. Lord of crime…… William James Moriarty…. My sweet Liam. I ran to hug him and he hugged me back. Something i didn’t expect was a kiss. He kissed me…

“I knew about your feelings but never said anything because everybody knew i will kill my self. Im sorry my sweet princess”

I just looked at him and kissed once again..

[godstrain]

uagh ok so u know how i was like "let me talk about wesker and how he just had a really WILD TIME in the mental health department between post-arklay and RE5" well what i mean by this is-

wesker was already swinging into a manic episode a month or so before the mansion incident. he was more energetic, he slept even less than he usually did, and everyone seemed to mistake it for enthusiasm. it was hypomania. injecting himself with a goddamn virus basically caused symptoms that could be classified as drug induced psychosis, except it isn't drug induced, it's literally his entire biological makeup was altered (and that gets its own post because i saw a post about "why didnt we get to see wesker going thru it as the t virus rewrites every goddamn cell in his body" i'm going to get to that!)

so fast forward to december 1998, wesker's really going through it now! he's hit a state of very intense mania, he's got the delusions of grandeur, he just has no impulse control, he's running around because he has so much energy to expend and he finds it difficult to stay still due to feeling restless- also this is one of the more obvious "judgement limited, insight poor" moments, he thinks he can get the virus sample but lmao no he's trashed by alexia (i do not care what the redo of CV says, i like having alexia being able to kick wes' ass, it makes for interesting character development things!) but he still gets the job done,

so then we have the span of time between CV and RE5- wesker's mental state mellows out enough that he can be the cool calm collected mastermind that he likes to present himself as- he's behind the fuckery of RE4, but he seems rather calm about it- as in of course he's still going through the whole delusions of grandeur thing and sure does have some mania symptoms, but it isn't like the rockfort incident behavior.

that just all loops back when things shift toward wesker's arrival at spencer's personal home, and of course with the big reveal from spencer, wesker really just doesn't cope with that at all. on top of this, he's been using an immunosuppressant that prevents his body from fighting off a virus that literally turns people into beings that run on base instinct with little to no impulse control (some tyrants can follow commands, but in a limited way, it's not like they follow complex directions), so yeah the mania symptoms ramped up again-

it's after 5 that he goes into the depression, and i've talked about that before im pretty sure...

for reference, wesker's first episode of mania was when he was 18, although there's a chance it could've been drug induced because albert wesker used every single stimulant ever to stay awake through his college years and his early umbrella research years and that sure didn't do anything good for his brain chemistry

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

hms captain??

hms captain indeed!!

i meant for this to be a short post but oops its really long already and im nowhere near finished so if you wanna learn about this terribly designed warship, join me after the cut; if you dont, enjoy this picture of an oddly designed ship.

the hms captain was a british warship. it was built during a time where shipbuilders were phasing sails out for steam engines, and where warships were being much better armoured. for example, the hms captain was steam-powered with two propellers and had wrought iron armour.

wrought iron armour caused a problem for warships. like think of any pirate media youve seen where theyve got wooden ships with these iron cannonballs; the cannonballs very easily breach the wooden ships. they dont really do that with iron armour. instead, they bounced off.

so the british admiralty, media and public were all in want, to some extent, of a ship with better guns that could breach ship armour. enter cowper phipps cole:

a man who looks like a rasputin prototype and seems to have the charisma to back up the comparison.

see coles was very good at public engagement. when he needed to, he could very easily get the media and public on his side, which is a power he leveraged in order to get hms captain approved, commissioned and built.

his design, oddly enough, goes back to a raft from the crimean war.

this is the lady nancy, constructed in 1855 to aid during the siege of taganrog. it was for shore bombardment which you can see in this illustration of it. while cameras were a thing back then (i think daguerreotypes existed during this time), i dont believe we have any photos of the lady nancy.

coles was a captain in the navy in 1855, and him and a group of sailors constructed it. according to those there, the guns on the raft were protected by some kind of dome structure or a "cupola" as they called it.

hms captain was inspired by the lady nancy, and so, it was also intended for shore bombardment. for this purpose, two big fuck off rotating turrets were mounted inside the hull on the gun deck.

these had been patented by coles himself in 1859 which is partly how he became a consultant for the admiralty when it came to building ships. being the nephew of admiral lord edmund lyons 1st baron lyons gcb gcmg kch, by marriage, twice over certainly also helped.

quick note on that:

its not technically incest, i think, his wife emily pearson was lyons niece and his mom is the sister of lyons wife augusta

i also didnt know what those acronyms meant beforehand, gcb is a british order of chivalry called most honourable order of the bath, gcmg is another one: most distinguished order of saint michael and saint george, kch is a hanoverian order of chivlary called royal guelphic order. yeah thats just gobbledegook.

lyons was important because of his role in the crimean war as commander-in-chief of the mediterranean fleet (suddenly i feel like im reading an icemav fic) and hes credited as ensuring victory for britain.

originally, the admiralty just ordered prototypes of his big fuck off turrets and they were actually impressed with them.

and so the hms prince albert was built with four of them (is that four turrets in your pants or are you just happy to see me) and the hms royal sovereign was converted to be a turret ship. both, however, could only operate as coastal service vessels.

hence, the admiralty allowed coles to draw up plans for a two (2) turret oceangoing ship in 1863, working with nathaniel barnaby who was chief constructor for the navy. keep in mind, coles had little to no experience in ship design.

then, they suspended the project.

but they allowed him to work on a one (1) turret oceangoing ship that was based on the hms pallas with joseph scullard who was head draughtsman in 1864.

and then in 1865, a committee rejected/cancelled his projects, and decided to move forward with a different design for a two (2) turret ship called hms monarch.

this made coles very angry, and an angry coles is not a good thing for the british admiralty.

(i spent an hour making this because im so bad at making things look purposefully bad)

so you know like today where bad actors like andrew tate, tucker carlson, joe rogan and even like graham hancock can just use public platforms and social medias to get a relatively large portion of the population of their side, seemingly with ease, just by talking/communicating confidently, playing into fears and anxieties of the public, and creating an us and them?

yeah so cowper phipps coles was also really good at this. grifters, liars and pretenders have alway existed.

(milo rossi brings discusses this a lot in his series on hancock's ancient apocalypse docuseries, and id 100% recommend the whole series.)

so how did coles do this?

well, he began with a very strong and very harsh attack on robert spencer robinson who was a vice admiral and controller of the navy, and his full title was admiral sir robert spencer robinson kcb frs.

the title admiral sir is very funny, like i want to get a cat called that with the nickname addy. kcb is basically the same as gcb. lyons was general grand cross and robinson was knight commander, because of fucking course its this stupid. frs is an award given to you from the royal society of london; the fellowship of the ring royal society is granted to those who have made a "substantial contribution to the improvement of natural knowledge, including mathematics, engineering science, and medical science".

it wasnt just mr admiral sir that coles attacked; he also attacked several other admirals who were on the committee but he really seemed to hate robinson. coles also lobbied parliament and the press, focussing on the flaws he saw in monarchs design and how britain was going to be left behind in the shipping arms race since many other nations were pressing ahead with several oceangoing turret ships. unsurprisingly, it was the united states that were winning the race so far.

around this time, coles' contract as a navy consultant was terminated in january 1866. like thats as hard as he was going, he fully lost his job. of course he had his dear not-quite-incest uncle lord lyons to fall back on. one hell of a safety net, very well entwined.

in response to this professional fuck you, coles simply protested that he had been misunderstood and the man must have rolled a nat 20 on his charisma saving roll because on the 1st march 1886, he was re-employed.

he waited a month and a half to submit his critique of the monarch proposal on the 16th april. he refused to publicly support a vessel that didnt represent his "views of a sea going turret-ship" because He Was Like That™. we're in the cowper karen era. his critique went on to say that hms monarch could not give his "principle a satisfactory and conclusive trial."

now at this point, the admiralty really should have just sent him packing. theyve given him chance after chance after chance despite him having pretty much no experience.

like say you have a blocked toilet that you cant unblock, but instead of calling a plumber, you ask your friends nephew whos an art curator who really wants to give this plumbing thing a go. then his first attempt makes it worse; now the taps in your bath turn on everytime you use the kitchen sink and your toilets still blocked. but you give him another go and now theres a shower curtain stuck in your toilet which is still blocked. and now youre fingers are hovering over the call button on a plumbers number when your friend calls and asks you to give their nephew another go. its only been three weeks and theres a 24 hours mcdonalds up the road that you can go to for the bathroom and youve got a shower at work you can use, so you think, okay, sure. and then he accidentally rips your kitchen sink out and you still have a blocked toilet and a non-working shower and your bath taps are running 24/7, and your friend asks you again to give him a "second chance."

like youre not giving him another chance, theres a goddamn shower curtain in your toilet and your kitchen sink is in your fucking living room. of course, youre not giving him another chance.

but say everyone in your street and everyone in your friend group is on his side because hes been telling little lies and charming them all with his aunts baked goods and his knowledge of local art and history. and everyone else is rooting for him and they all believe this is the chance.

thats the situation first naval lord admiral frederick grey (full title: admiral the hon. sir frederick william grey gcb) found himself in. obviously coles should not be given another chance, but the whole country believes he should.

so on the 21st april (thats me moms birthday :)) he agreed that coles should be allowed to build his "perfect" oceangoing turret ship.

and so the hms captain was born

the ship was to be built on a private shipyard and coles selected laird brothers' chesire yard on the 8th may 1866.

one of the biggest problems ship designers had with turret ships is that ships tend to have quite a lot of rigging that gets in the way of the turrets. this was a genuine design flaw for the hms monarch, it was brought up by the chief designer sir edward james reed kcb rfs, but he was overuled. he didnt think a turret ship should have either a forecastle or poop deck.

on a typical warship, youll see a small rise on either end of the ship. at the front/bow, you have the forecastle which was typically used as a defensive measure. at the back/stern, youd typically have the captain quarters within the hull and the roof of that is the poop deck. it would be used for either the captain or a helmsman or a first mate maybe to supervise the crew and their work.

reed, very correctly, did not want these measures because they interfered with the turrets. he also wanted much less rigging because the more wooden beams and rope and sail youve got, the less room the turrets have to fire.

he wrote that "the middle of the upper deck of a full-rigged ship is not a very eligible place for fighting large guns."

and coles and the lairds seemed to agree with this sentiment because their design corrected these flaws.

their solutions were to erect a hurricane deck to place the rigging on. this is an upper deck that is above the frame of the hull. they also used tripod masts to reduce rigging. they also placed the turrets within the hull in their own special gun deck.

now, just because youve corrected for some flaws doesnt mean you havent introduced several of your own which spoiler, the captain had a lot of flaws which we will be getting into.

captain had a length of 320ft or 97.54m; she had a beam (width at the widest part) of 53ft3 or 16.23m; her draught (the distance between the waterline and the keel/bottom of the hull) was 24ft10 or 7.57m; and her top speed was 15 knots which is about 17mph.

in a futile attempt at a balanced view, i will say that the speed was fairly impressive. most other ships had top speeds of 10-12 knots or about 11-14mph. the use of double propellers was a good choice.

one of the very few good choices.

see the captain was designed to displace or essentially weigh 6910 long tons, and was expected to have a freeboard of about 8ft or 2.4m.

a ships freeboard is the distance between her exposed upper deck and the waterline. typically, warships have high freeboards. its not quite as simple as the higher the freeboard, the more stable your ship is, but in general, higher freeboards do offer more stability. this is something the captain needed

see, most of her weight was high up in the ship which meant she had a low metacentric height. to not get into all of the complicated science that im not entirely sure i understand (dyspraxic nation rise up), lower metacentric heights tend to make ships more unstable.

[from wikipedia:]

so all of this is a bad design. apart from her impressive speed, she seemed like a ship with poor stability and a real risk of flooding because of the exposed gun decks. and with flooding, you might just fucking capsize 🚢⬆️↗️↘️🌊☠️

mr admiral sir robert spencer robins already raised concerns at the design stage in regards to the low freeboard and flooding. reed also raised concerns about the ship being too heavy and having too high a centre of gravity, but they were ignored.

if i had a nickel for every time edward james reed was overruled after raising a legitimate concern about the design of a turret ship, id have two nickels, but its weird its happened twice.

still, first lord of the admiralty (genuinely feel like this is a made up job) sir john pakington approved the design on the 23rd july 1866, though he did note that coles and the lairds would be held responsible for any failures.

if youre interested, john pakingtons full title is john somerset pakington 1st baron hampton gcb pc frs and he was a fucking tory, and the right honourable lord hampton, which okay, dude, you overcompensating for anything over there? pc means he was a member of his majestys most honourable privy council, who are all advisors yes-men to whichever bellend is on the crown.

moving past that cag-mag of a man, lets talk about how this mess got even worse. and you might be asking, "kai, how can it get worse? havent you already told me that the ship can easily sink?"

and you know, fair point, but you can always make your ship even more likely to sink.

see coles came down with an illness during the building of the ship. im not sure what it was; i cant find anything on it, but whatever it was, it meant he couldnt supervise the building of his ship. now, im not sure how much that would help considering he was the art curator turned amateur plumber in the metaphor, but maybe it would have done some good.

because when she was finished, she did not displace 6910 long tons. no, she displaced 7767 long tons. and her 8ft freeboard turned into a 6ft6 or 1.98m freeboard. she was floating 22 inches deeper than expected. oh, and her centre of gravity raised by 10 inches!

reed didnt just raise hell over this, he dragged heaven down too. and its not like he was wrong. the ship was a floating disaster.

hms captain had an angle of list of 21°. this means of she listed 21° or more, she would capsize.

now, theres no real average angle of list, but most people would say 40-50° as a reasonable yardstick. for some vessels, it might dip into the 30s°, but 21° is a ridiculously low angle of list.

for reference, this is a 20° angle.

its not much of an angle, is it?

and remember, the captain is meant to be an oceangoing vessel. the oceans dont exactly have a reputation for being calm.

unless youve got a direct telegram to poseidon and are in a place where you can ask him to calm down, the captains not gonna have fun.

and of course when reed raised his concerns, he was overuled.

if i had a nickel for every time edward james reed was overruled after raising a legitimate concern about the design of a turret ship, id have three nickels, and its kinda concerning that its happened three times.

instead, she was commissioned on the 30th april 1870 under captain hugh talbot burgoyne vc. to commission a ship is simply to place it into active service. also vc simply means burgoyne received the victoria cross whatever that one is.

anyway, she underwent several trials in the months after this and i guess everyone had pre-ordered their rose-coloured glasses because the captain won many supporters and was considered everything that coles had promised.

part of these trials were the gunnery trials. these took place in vigo and the captain was against both hms monarch and hms hercules, a non-turret ship. their target was a 600ft long, 60ft high rock. they each had 5 minutes of continuous firing.

all three ships had problems with aiming after the first few shots because the smoke emitted from the weapons meant they couldnt fucking see anything.

still, hms hercules had an accuracy rate of 65%, while hms monarch came in with a 40% rate and hms captain limped in with a 35% rate.

and im not just using "limped" as an exaggeration, these trials showed that when the turrets fired, it caused the ship to list and the list was 20°.

im sure you can see the problem there.

if you can, youre better than the admiralty who just ignored it and was like fantastic, she works. coles straight up had the entire admiralty hostage and the only person speaking up was reed.

if i had a nickel for every time edward james reed was overruled after raising a legitimate concern about the design of a turret ship, id have four nickels, which is great and all but id rather give reed a hug at this point.

-

now the 35% accuracy didnt really matter if the captain was going to be used for shore bombardment. most of the time, youre not aiming for anything specific, youre just trying to cause as much damage as possible.

but that 20° list? that mattered.

it mattered a lot because on the 7th september 1870, she capsized.

shocking i know. only five months after being commissioned and everything.

that day, she was running trials in the bay of biscay during a storm when she was hit by a gale of wind. she rolled over and capsized.

there were over 500 people on board and only 18 survived. coles was among the dead. i hope their souls were able to find peace.

theres a memorial for them in st paul's cathedral in london if youd ever like to pay your respect to them.

now theres not much else to say about the captain other than the inquiry into the sinking blame the public for it.

they concluded that "the captain was built in deference to public opinion expressed in parliament and through other channels, and in opposition to views and opinions of the controller and his department" and this was pretty significant in victorian britain as it was unprecedented.

but realistically, it wasnt wrong. they were the ones backing coles the whole time.

so i guess if theres something to learn from this mess, its that if youre going to support a public figure, whether it be a celebrity or politician or scientist or whatever, take a step back and ask yourself "do i agree with what theyre saying or are they just very good at talking?"

im sure someones said it better than me, but you know, that sentiment. we can also laugh at how much of a disaster hms captain was.

[notahorseindisguise]

I like seeing all your movie liveblogging posts when I haven’t seen the movie. no CLUE what’s going on but that movie really does sound great/bad 👍

anyways, do you have a favorite movie? or a few movies you’d want to recommend? I have a big ol list of movies I want to watch soon and I want it to be bigger >:)

OOOO my favourites. so. im actually not that big of a movie guy! im trying to get more into them since i have a whole fucking load of free time. but i definitely have 2 favourite movies

one you may have seen, but definitely have heard of is "everything everywhere all at once". fucking AMAZING movie. genuinely. i used it as a rated text for my english extension course, so in all the essays i wrote, i wrote about that movie, as well as Albert Camus' myth of sisyphus. but yeah its a banging film. i highly recommend.

second is an early taika waititi film. there are a lot of really good taika movies, like "boy" is amazing. and "jojo rabbit" is really fucking great. but my favourite is one thats like. objectively not that great. but i adore it. its called "eagle vs shark", and its probably my favourite movie of all time? not sure tho, favourites are very difficult to pick

but eagle vs shark is, as i always describe it, 2 imperfect people in imperfect love. like. idk how to explain it? its a silly little comedy movie with a really lovely romance in it. and i normally don't like romance movies but this one is nice. to me. idk. because the people in it just suck so much. but its about how even they are still in love and how awesome that is. idk hdnshbs i hope im not maming it sound lame. jts not lame

[smaradog]

time for an introduction

hello! im smaradog but you can call me smara or mar for short, i have a weird sense of humor that feels edgy but i dont do jokes that are at anyones expense, or say weird things, since its not really something thats part of me at all, making others feel bad and/or uncomfortable is against all i stand for, at the same time my humor can kinda be silly/catgirlesque for lack of better description?? (??? ihave no idea what im saying) and kinda fecalfunny style humor overall.

dni if youre a bigot or a terf or some stupid shit like that

anyways im a neurodivergent asexual trans girl (she/her, it/its fae/faer, sli/slime pronouns please!) who speaks spanish and stuff idunno!! (i am not from spain dont pile me on with them IHATE SPAIN!!!! /j)

so yeah i draw a lot of lesbians and whatever else comes to mind

[art tag!]

i WILL start talking about something im working on or something i like for WHOLE PARAGRAPHS so be WARNED!! and heres some insane things i do!

the insane things i do in question:

art (digital and traditional)

pixel art

sound design

3d modeling (learning the basics)

music (regular music and chiptunes, and whatever weird experimental thing i can make also it kinda sucks but shh)

storyboards

modding/romhacking games

kind of a jack of all trades really! so yeah thats basically it! have a list of me dumping like a million interests i have

music: the strokes, arctic monkeys, gorillaz, daft punk, indigo quest, red vox, muse, crx, albert hammond jr., royal blood, enjambre, bandalos chinos, comisario pantera, lemon demon, tally hall, the voidz, fish in a birdcage, nelward

chiptune (counting psg chips, fm chips, low quality samplers, etc.) [fade, tim follin, jeroen tel, squarewave, shoob2000, 4mat, rushjet1]

animated shows:

the owl house

amphibia

ena

one piece (at enies lobby arc rn)

yu yu hakusho

jojos bizarre adventure (i cant deny it even if i dont talk about it, stopped at part 5)

one punch man (kinda, dont remember a lot)

adventure time (havent kept up since grass sword episodes)

ok ko (literally dont remember what the last thing that happened was)

regular show (stopped keeping up at some point) showing interest in: gravity falls, infinity train, hunter x hunter and mob psycho

films:

literally any spiderman movie from anything 2002 - now (i know theres older obscure ones)

(cant think of anything else whoops)

games:

terraria

halo (anything pre 343 sorry)

castlevania series

bloodstained

undertale/deltarune

omori (kinda lost interest)

doom (classic series, havent played 2016 and eternal)

half life series

sonic series

mega man series (classic)

minecraft (kind of? i'd rather play beta 1.7.3, but especially a fan of better than adventure)

celeste (havent finished, one of the few insane people that didnt use assist mode at the hotel chapter)

umjammer lammy

parappa series

castle crashers & battleblock theater

serious sam series

splatoon series (havent played splatoon 3)

dont starve together (i dont play often and im not super familiar with the lore) night in the woods (looks nice but. didnt finish at ALL)

portal series (i 100%ed the first game)

streamers:

vargskelethor joel (probably on top along with jerma)

vinesauce vinny

jerma985

grayfruit (i watch sometimes)

simpleflips (i watch very rarely)

i also like a few webcomics but honestly i dont remember at the time of making somehow, you can ask me about one of them though! (its not homestuck i swear /gen)

i ALSO also have super weird interests over niche little 80s - 2000s technology and stuff

due to personal reasons, i have 3 things i dont wanna hear about, but im not gonna mention them on this post.

if you made it this far reading you are insane honestly but shoutouts to you

[chronicowboy]

2022 writing review

so its 2023, so what? better to review a year with a little bit of distance methinks

tagged by @kitkatpancakestack hope ur 2023 is going well so far muah <3

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 42 oh lord

2. Word count posted for the year: 297,700 (mortifying)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie

5. Story with the most: 

kudos: please? (can't say no) 1,220 kudos

bookmarks: the persistence of memory 386 bookmarks

comment threads: the persistence of memory 119 threads

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): ooooof i was gonna say the persistence of memory just because of the sheer word count and that i love the story but im actually really proud of my gilmore girls au all you have to do is call my name (i'll be there) because i wrote 40k words in under a week and for once i wasn't wondering about if people would read it i wrote it for me (and my beloved elke) honourable mentions to 1001 reasons to not get drunk with your sister's boyfriend and any of my ravi pov fics because they're silly but i love them all the same and my amnesia collection

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmmm probably we don't go through the glass doors because it was half-formed but i still posted it, i basically just saw that gif of peeta pressing his forehead against the forcefield for katniss in the jabberjay scene and i was like but what if it was buddie and yeah i just do not know why i posted it ig

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: any comments i've had saying that i should be a writer for the show makes me want to scream such as "this is soooooooooooo good!!!! its so perfectly and wonderfully devastating and heartbreaking and emotional and warm and soft. you write the firefam's dialogue SOOO WELL! they should add you as a staff writer tbh. ❤❤❤❤❤❤" on (tpom surefire way to make me happy is to compliment my dialogue and the 118 dynamics)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: at the moment tbh i have so much uni work to do and an original piece of fiction im 200+ pages into and i'm trying to do all of that at once so the fic has fallen to the wayside a little

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: god this is really difficult and it definitely doesn't help that i can barely remember anything about my fics but um i guess character-wise its a surprise whenever i write taykay as an actual character rather than just a mention through gritted teeth lol but um scene-wise maybe just my whole albert pov fic what are you doing home? we thought you were babysitting just because its not something i'd normally write (eddie is only mentioned how uncharacteristic of me!!)

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: oh god um i am so proud of lots of bits to my writing so i'm going to try to limit myself

just all of my surrealism weaved into 9-1-1, what's your fantasy? to kind of hint that buck's dreaming

the realisation scene in flatpack furniture and a djungelskog

"It'll be pretty cool, right?" Eddie's talking, but Buck can barely hear it over the static ringing in his ears. "To look at it and know that we made it together—"

You don't find it, son, you make it.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

There's nobody in this world I trust more with my son than you.

There's an Alan key sitting in his open palm, ever so slightly warmed by Eddie's hand.

I know you did.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

You two have an adorable son.

Eddie passes him tools at work all the time without him asking. They've suffered the telepathy jokes a million times.

Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again.

this scene from the only try day is wednesday because i originally hated this fic until i reread this moment

The picture catches the flames, curling up at the bottom corners, colours melting away and consuming Eddie and Christopher whole before finally, finally taking Buck too.

Because that's the thing. If Eddie is in there, if he's— Then that's what's going to happen. The fire takes Eddie first. Then, Christopher. Christopher who loses two parents and gets stuck with a Buck, a Buck he'll grow to resent because Buck's the reason Eddie was here in the first place, because Buck didn't save Eddie. So, the fire will take Buck finally.

And it will take him violently. It will ravage him, turn him to ash and sift it through their fingers until he's nothing but a few chunks of burnt bone. It will take him, consume him, ruin him. And he'll be dead, in every way that counts. He's already dying now.

Buck refuses to let it happen.

He'll die. He'll die before Chris can resent him because that would finish him off. Losing Christopher, losing Christopher to hatred and loathing, that would kill him. And that death would be much more violent than any chaos fire could wreak.

this scene in memory (all alone in the moonlight)

"Eddie, can we not do this?" Sighing, Buck looks up at the ceiling. "I'm missing five years of my life. I feel like shit. I really don't need you coming in here acting all weird."

Eddie lets out a breath and takes a step forward.

"What do you need from me, Buck?"

And, fuck, that question really shouldn't bring tears to his eyes, but. But Buck's spent his whole life being the one asking that question and now he doesn't even know the person who knows him well enough to ask it.

"I need my best friend." He whispers.

Eddie's face crumbles and he crosses the space between them in three steps, settling onto the edge of the bed and pulling Buck into his chest. Buck clutches at his Henley as he tries to compose himself, but Eddie's hand settles heavy at the base of his skull.

"Hey, don't do that." Eddie murmurs. "Just let it go, Buck."

And so, Buck breaks—for the second time in as many days—in a relative stranger's arms.

Eventually, when the tears have subsided and Buck finds the energy to be embarrassed about dirtying Eddie Diaz's shirt with snot and tears, he sits back in his bed and scrubs at his face.

"Thanks." He rasps.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Buck." Eddie offers him a cup of water and a handful of tissues. "I know you don't remember it, but we promised to have each other's backs and I don't plan on breaking that anytime soon."

"Fuck." Buck wipes at his eyes with the tissues until Eddie pries it from his hand and takes over for him, soft and gentle enough to have the tears springing to life all over again. "I really want to hate you." Eddie laughs.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: honestly just sheer volume of writing, for most of my writing life i was always so perfectionist and adamant that i couldn't move on until this one project was polished and perfect but this year i've written and written and written and let myself abandon projects and have rough first drafts yknow

13. How do you hope to grow next year: hmm idk really maybe just write even more and branch out a little in what i'm writing

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): @danielsousa my love, my heart, my rock!!!!! honestly probably wouldn't have written half as much if it weren't for elke cheering me on for the gilmore girls au and sending me screenshots of my writing that made her want to kill me

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: oh much i'm sure, i put myself into everything i write intentionally or not just because its such a personal thing for me but um in persistence of memory all the timeloop media references and agents of shield as i have always been reference specifically

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: read and write! nothing is ever going to help you as much as that. read fics yes, but read books and poetry anthologies and non-fiction! and write! write fic, write shitty poetry in your notes app, write short fiction, start a book. in the wise words of shia la boeuf JUST DO IT

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: ohhh okay so i have plans for two very big buddie aus an agents of shield au where fitzsimmons are technically henchim but buddie gets their romantic scenes, and then a national treasure au because i am a SUCKER for those films and chimney as riley is something that can be soooo personal

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: ummm just anyone who wants to do this?? feel free to say i tagged you because my brain isn't working!!

[sophaeros]

i just HAVE to talk to someone about this but what do we think about the song scared….? do you think it’s about julian? or maybe albert wrote it about himself?? either way, the way you hear julian’s voice towards the end make me go insane!

I FUCKING LOVEEEE SCARED IT'S SO GOOD IT DRIVES ME INSANE i always read it as directed towards julian but directed to himself is CRAZY.

You know that something inside of you Still plays a part in what I do Always, I'm here for you

this always reminds me of this les inrockuptibles 2020 quote

"I'll tell you something," says Fab. "When I played the first Machinegum stuff to Nick (Valensi - editor's note), he put his finger on something. He said, 'I'll never be able to listen to your music, or the music of any of us, without thinking about how I could have influenced it.'"

which makes me SICK to my STOMACH. and then this verse

I think that if we were all we had That's more than most people ever have Anyway, oh anyway, you can stay here

makes me think of this 2023 albert interview with the guardian

“Yeah, I knew very quickly,” he says. “There was something very special about all of us together, even early on. The universe moved when we were all together in a certain way. Like a Rubik’s Cube that gets unlocked. You either find it or you don’t. I always felt that was unique.”

LIKE. ok i said i read it as directed to julian but i think it could also be kinda wrapped up in the band too which makes sense bc to me their relationship is always gonna be intertwined w that of the band. if that makes sense.

anyway lyrically this song destroys me like what the fuck is "so close we played it as if we cared" LIKE WHY WOULD YOU SAY THATTTTTTT IM GONNA FALL TO MY KNEES......i wish we had official lyrics for julian's lines at the end (he sounds soo fucking gorgeous btw so sad hes so buried in the mix) it sounds to me like "don't push me away / [they'll/don't] get it wrong" (less sure about that second line) which is AGONISING. WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THIS.

also can i just say im so in love w the chorus and ending kicking in. so ethereal and perfect

ok ANYWAY tinhatting time. honestly it's soo hard to piece together any kind of timeline or characterisation of their rs bc theyre not really as blatant about it as some other rpf ships..not counting one way trigger. also im not smart enough to have a concrete analysis of this song. i kinda read it as like, something something the strokes staying together and not branching out despite them clearly being really dysfunctional?? like being afraid to break whatever kind of shaky balance they'd managed to find. and the song is kind of a love letter to them in light of that. but also this is a very shaky interpretation ok idk what im talking about

albert was the first to do solo stuff outside of the strokes and they urhh well theyve been supportive of one another's side projects but at the beginning.......rock & folk april 2011 ->

Nick: "We never made this much money as for the FIOE tour. When we were recording, Albert tried to make us listen to some of his solo project. I think he was disappointed by our reaction and he never talked about it again. Nikolai kept his secret. For Little Joy, I was with Fab in LA when they were writing and recording the album. I played the drums for them.”

theres a lot of push and pull in this song..you can also narrow your focus from the strokes generally to just albert and julian (bc tbh a lot of strokes/adjacent songs can be read both ways and in fact i think a lot of the time theyre best read as being about both the band and albert/julian's relationship simultaneously)

IDK this post is so long but idk if im saying anything. it kinda reads like a very tender song to an ex lover. something like no matter the status of our relationship you still have me and i still love you. i want you to stay close to me no matter what. i want you to realise you could be so much more than what you are now. yknow.

[thebusylilbee]

#rarely will an adaptation even attempt to do the execution scene #the scene where all of Rome is gathered to see who's pardoned and who's executed #and the Count gets Albert and Franz to join him on the balcony he rented but then the scene of the execution is so horrifying and graphic #that the boys can't look. Franz literally tries to back away but the Count grabs him and FORCES him to look #meanwhile Albert is pale and has his eyes closed as they can hear the condemned man shouted and begging in the square #and the Count is like. flushed. pupils dilated. he's so worked up excited about this whole spectacle #lmao yeah like. not a scene people usually include in their adaptations! #Counts a little off the deep end!#not entirely sure what Dumas wanted us to get from this scene either because to me the Count really comes across as Out Of It #not a man fighting for justice #but i almost believe Dumas wanted us to interpret that scene as more 'haha look how weak these boys are' #hey sir? so sorry for the life you've lived but please understand that violence shouldn't be exciting or fun! #anyway. unhinged is the correct description #count of monte cristo

oooh okay prev I gotta react to those tags ! first of all the execution scene is exactly one of the scenes I was thinking about when I made that post, it's absolutely a scene that makes you go "oh okay something broke in him he is not normal anymore..." so im glad you're bringing it up

and secondly, because I spent the last two/three months slowly reading the book it's still very fresh in my mind so I feel the need to point out that I don't think it's fair to describe the Count as "excited". I think it's mostly two things : a profound indifference to the pain of others, and a sense of moral satisfaction at seeing people who have betrayed others meet a cruel and violent fate. but "excitement" seems a little much.

we already get a previous hint of his disturbing disregard for the pain of others in chapter XXII, right after Dantès' escape, when he's described as almost completely indifferent to the mortal injury of a custom agent ("He had, moreover, looked upon the customs officer wounded to death, and, whether from heat of blood produced by the encounter, or the chill of human sentiment, this sight had made but slight impression upon him. Dantès was on the way he desired to follow, and was moving towards the end he wished to achieve; his heart was in a fair way of petrifying in his bosom.").

then in chapter XXXV, Franz asks the Count if he takes pleasure in watching executions since he seems to have seen so many and he himself says that he first felt repulsion, then indifference then curiosity at the sight of them. I personally think he's being honest in that assessment, he doesn't "enjoy" the executions, but he's probably trying to actively make himself used to seeing people suffer since that's what he wants to do to the ones who betrayed him. still in that conversation with Franz he makes it clear that he's interested in methods of torture because he does not see death in itself as "atonement" enough for some crimes ("death may be a torture, but it is not an expiation."). he does get unhinged towards the end when he "laughs" but that's because the prisoner - who he explicitly identifies as someone who betrayed his benefactor - shows his selfish nature and goes against the "love thy neighbor" rule by being mad that the other prisoner won't die with him. It's not a laugh of excitement, because it's a laugh over humans' selfish nature, it's made to be a sinister one that indicates a painful past ("And the count burst into a laugh; but a terrible laugh that showed he must have suffered horribly to be able thus to laugh").

So yeah to me when he makes Franz and Albert watch, it's not out of excitement or enjoyment, it's because he wants to confront those rich sheltered young men to his moral reality : there are deeply cruel and selfish humans who allowed themselves to betray others and they don't deserve to be treated better than beasts (he literally compares the execution to that of a rabid dog right as he catches them). It's proof that he's a deeply broken person by that point, as suggested in chapter XXII, but it's more about indifference, a sense of moral - and divine - superiority, a deep-seated hatred for 'betrayers' and a need to watch justice be done.

the count is so much more unhinged in the book than in the 2024 movie adaptation... in the movie he's cold and determined, meanwhile in the book he's also cold and determined but also frankly a little insane

[type-goblin]

Train Pains.

ALORA

"What will you do when you get home?"

STEVE

"I dont know, probably do some writing."

ALORA

"wow, I didn't know you wrote. What's it for?"

STEVE

"It's so I can get better at writing, so people can hire me, so I can do freelance writing."

ALORA

"What did you write?"

STEVE

"​I wrote an article about orcas."

ALORA

"​killer whales."

STEVE

"orcas. and I did a blog post."

ALORA

"​See, that's cool. I dont do any cool stuff-"

STEVE

"​No! I'm not cool, don't let me trick you into thinking I'm cool; I just started writing recently, I'm not good. The only reason I started is because I ran into a friend from school on the bus the other day, and he graduated and joined the union. I dropped out, he graduated, and will be making 60 dollars an hour, while I work at a coffee shop. Like, what am I doing."

ALORA

"60 an hour, what the fuck"

STEVE

"yeah, he showed me some other friends I haven't kept in touch with. One is in the union with him; the other joined the army and got a full leg tattoo."

T​RAIN PULLS UP

Steve and Alora entered the train and noticed the right side of the train didn't have seats,

STEVE

"no chairs."

ALORA

"Yeah"

They stand against the wall, Steve leaning against it and grabbing a support pole. Alora facing him, holding that same pole.

ALORA

"​I have tomorrow off."

STEVE

"I know you've mentioned it."

ALORA

"​I've just been working every day. This will be my first day off."

STEVE

"​how many hours did you work last week?"

ALORA

"​43 and 41 the week before."

STEVE

"with how you've been working, you should have enough for your trip."

ALORA

"​yeah, but my friends want to go to Greece and the UK."

STEVE

"​you're going to be so otherworldly when

you get back."

ALORA

"​Did I miss my stop!"

STEVE

"​I dont think so."

ALORA

"​I do that a lot. I'll be talking to someone and forget about everything going on around me and miss my stop."

STEVE

"you didn't miss it."

ALORA

"​Are you sure"

STEVE

"​yes, im sure I ride this train all the time."

STEVE

"​so, what are your plans for the day off tomorrow."

ALORA

"​Im going to hang out with Albert after work tomorrow, yeah, so ill come back to work anyway, just for a second."

STEVE

"​really"

ALORA

"​I hang out with people, Steve!"

STEVE

"I know you do. You talk to everyone like it's no problem; you're a social butterfly." *Steve motions his hand, waving them in the air.

STEVE

"I feel like everyone hates me."

ALORA

"Like who? No one hates you."

STEVE

"I know it doesn't make sense. But I still feel that way. I dont want to get into it

right now."

ALORA

Alora leans in chit chat continues until

STEVE

"​This is your stop. I dont want you to miss it."

ALORA

"​ok, thanks"

A​lora shuffles a bit, turning left. Alora grabs her wrist, the one she's holding the pole with

STEVE

"​h-hey uh hug"

S​teve holds his arms out, and they hug.

STEVE

"​Sorry," Steve said, muttering words into her hair.

ALORA

"​it's ok," Alora responds

s​he heads for the open train doors

STEVE

"​have a good one."

S​teve had been telling customers to "have a good one" all day, out of habit, and she knew because she had been there.

N​o response.

THE END

[splendidcyan]

I sent my pal the Leon hey ya image @witchtaunter drew (which is amazing btw) and my friend asked if there was a Wesker version, which I have now supplied. godspeed zombie game movie game netflix series