#yeah. admittedly pretty fuckin funny

[howlingday]

Ruby's Handlers Pt. 3

Pt. 1 / Pt. 2

Jaune: Honestly, it's- And this is gonna sound a lot cornier than I mean it to, but it's always fun with Ruby because she makes the best of a bad situation and the worst out of a good situation, so it's always exciting, and funny, and weird, and different.

Weiss: Aw~! You guys~!

Ruby: You're so sweet, Jaune~! Stop~!

Weiss: NOW KISS~.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: You missed it, but off-camera, I said I was gonna fuck Jaune.

Jaune: Wait, really? Did that happen? I don't remember that happening.

Ruby: Well, you never acknowledged that was the case.

Jaune: Ah, okay.

Ruby: ...Sooooooo~? I'm waiting!

Jaune: People are watching~!

Ruby: It's pretty rude to leave me hanging like this.

Jaune: Uh, I'll check with Weiss.

Ruby: Ugh... She said it's fine~!

Jaune: Yeah, sure. Speak on behalf of your wife, whom you both pledged each other to.

Ruby: I already talked to her! Why don't you believe me?!

Jaune: This feels like one of those things you tell her as you run out of the door.

Jaune: Like, "HeyWeissGonnaFuckJaune!" And she's like, "What?" And you go, "KAYBYE~!"

Ruby: ...I'll take that as a yes~!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: You're one of my best friends, Jaune.

Jaune: Well, thank you, Ruby. And I do really, really love you.

Ruby: I love you, too, Jaune! What the fuck?

Jaune: And that's not a joke for the show. You're a fucking amazing and wonderful person.

Ruby: Argh! What the fuck, Jaune?! Not while I'm playing Sonic!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: I... I used to be a fucking huntress, Jaune.

Jaune: How are you- How are you gonna beat this?

Ruby: I don- I DON'T KNOW, DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT, DUDE?!

Jaune: Well, the question is, like, with every other possible thing we've been through-

Ruby: YEAH?!

Jaune: I don't know, Ruby. I'm... I'm starting to feel like this game isn't worth it anymore. Maybe this is just beyond us.

Ruby: (Choking on laughter) Fuckin...

Jaune: I know you're very distressed right now, because you wouldn't ever actually scream "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" under normal circumstances. You're probably very mad.

Ruby: (Weakly) Just fucking kill me...

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT! DON'T EVEN TELL ME THAT SHIT'S FOR REAL!

Jaune: (Whispers) Ren, keep this in.

Ruby: I AM SO FUCK- (Hits something) AGH!

Jaune: (Chuckling) Oh my god!

Ruby: DAMMIT!

Jaune: That's legit anger.

Ruby: AAARGH! (Smashes something)

Jaune: OH MY GOD! That was a lot of property damage!

Ruby: (Sobbing) Everything I know is a lie!

Jaune: (Laughing) Uh... Ruby? R-Ruby?

Ruby: WHAT?!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Ooh... OOH, MY TESTICLES~!

Weiss: What is going on with you today?!

Ruby: I'unno... I'm hungry.

Weiss: Oh, is that what it is?

Ruby: I went to the gym today and I ate at a gross diner after.

Weiss: Why did you eat at the gross diner?

Ruby: What else was I gonna eat? Muck?

Weiss: Ruby, you know we have buckets of muck at the house!

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: You're not going to die for a very long time, Ruby.

Ruby: (Whines) My skin looks like bacon~!

Jaune: You look as beautiful as the day I met you, Ruby.

Ruby: Really~?

Jaune: Yeah! I mean, admittedly, you were already letting yourself go by that point.

Ruby: (Snickers)

Jaune: (Chuckling) I'm joking! I'm just kidding!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Nobody thought anything of me. I remember I said, "I'm gonna be a huntress and I'm gonna make a million lien!" And this guy was like, "How are YOU gonna be a millionaire?"

Jaune: Who said that?

Ruby: And I was like, FUCK YOU!

Jaune: Who said that to you?

Ruby: It was just another kid at Signal.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Is... Is the door closed?

Ruby: Fuck, I'm scared!

Jaune: (Pops head in) Hey, Ruby?

Ruby: (Cheers up) Yeah, what's up?!

Jaune: Not much. This thing is just gonna take longer than I thought.

Ruby: Okay, that's fine! I'll be just fine!

Jaune: Alrighty then! (Exits)

Ruby: What do I do?! What do I say?!

Ruby: Shit! Oh, I really fucked up!

Ruby: Uh... UUUH...

Ruby: JAUNE! JAAAUNE! JAAAAAAUNE!

Ruby: JAAAUNE! I'M FIGHTING A GIANT SPIDER THING!

Ruby: Augh, I fucked up...

Ruby: JAAAAAAAAAUNE!

Ruby: JAUNE, COME BACK! JAAAUNE!

Jaune: Hey, Ruby!

Ruby: Hey, Jaune, what's up~?

Jaune: (Chuckles)

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: You were sick?

Ruby: Yeah, like, three days ago.

Jaune: And you didn't mention this to me?!

Ruby: It's gone now. Besides, what would you have even done?

Jaune: I dunno. Made love to you?

Jaune: ...What were we talking about?

[ofthecaravel]

I'd Rather Be With You

Sequel to But You Look So Cool

Summary: Happy (????) Holidays!

Tags: Being home with your family for the holidays, The Twins conspiring, shame, doubt, arguing, Danny being a saint, NSFW at the very very end for like 2 secs

Words: 3k

A/N: Itty bitty holiday sequel to my most beloved! Wanted to touch more on Sam's family dynamic and what they've been up to since we left them. Thanks for reading MWAH

~~~

“Oh, my God, you were serious.”

“Did you think I was lying?”

“I mean, a little! Can you blame me?”

The Kiszka twins -home for the holidays, clutching wine glasses, and peeking around a doorway- were struggling to understand just what they were seeing. Not only had Sam brought someone home for Christmas (which is something they had never, ever expected from him, at least not in the state he’d been in for the past couple of years), but he had brought Danny Wagner. Danny fuckin’ Wagner, who stuck out in their collective consciousness for being a consistent presence during their Sunday school days and very briefly being the solitary member of their high school’s golf team. A nice, well adjusted boy with a nice, well adjusted family that he could easily be spending a much merrier Christmas Eve with. But here he was, laughing in the quiet living room of the Kiszka household and going through a photo album with Sam and their sister.  

“Crazy,” Jake murmured into a sip of his wine, shaking his head slightly as Josh nodded thoughtfully next to him. 

“It’s not like I’m mad he’s here,” Josh added, his eyebrows still high in surprise. “It’s just funny to see him next to Sam.”

They did admittedly look a little out of place nestled shoulder to shoulder. Danny’s smiling face was aglow with a wine drunk blush, snuggled up in a well fitting blue sweater and his hair tucked dotingly behind his ear. Sam, on the other hand, had his knees clad in oil stained mechanics pants and pulled up to his chin, looking not unlike an anxious pretzel as he chewed on his thumb and rested his head on Danny’s shoulder. 

“He pierced his ears,” Josh noted as he wiped some crumbs off the chest of his sweater. “Ya think Sam had something to do with that?”

“Definitely,” Jake smiled, his lips still stuck to the lip of his glass. “He probably did it for him. He’s gonna corrupt that sweet kid. Poor guy.”

“He’s been doing better,” Josh argued on behalf of his baby brother. “He’s got a job and his own place now. I swear Mom was gonna start charging him rent.”

“She would never,” Jake hummed, tuning in to the sound of their mother in the kitchen, talking to someone on the phone as dishes clinked in the sink. “He could crash the car into the house and she’d forgive him.”

“I guess the standards have been set pretty low,” Josh mumbled. Jake sighed a little and Josh cringed at his own words, slotting another cookie into his mouth and pulling out his phone.

He’d meant it as a joke, but it was still weird to even allude to everything that had gone down with their dad. It was hard to ignore, mostly when they were all together. It made it all the more obvious that someone was missing from the equation. Sure, he was a phone call away, but none of the siblings really wanted to talk to him. The twins were already graduating when their dad had been arrested, and they quickly escaped the immediate fallout with the titles of valedictorian, salutatorian, and two full ride scholarships that they rode the hell out of town. Ronnie had escaped into time with their mom and a myriad of friends to disappear in. And Sam…Sam had found his escape in means that only added to the fallout of the situation. 

So, yeah. The joke didn’t land. 

Especially during December. The family that used to fill their house simply didn’t bother to come by anymore, leaving only the immediate family to desperately try and revive a festive cheer that none of them really believed in anymore. Sam had barely attended the past few gatherings, and Jake and Josh had skipped them altogether under the pretense of their busy lives and jobs in Detroit. So imagine the oddity of having someone know all of the tension that would come with their awful little Christmas party and deciding to come anyway. 

“It’s just weird, dude,” Jake said plainly, finishing off his drink and setting it down loudly. “Kinda thought we’d be the ones bringing people home to try and fill the silence.”

“He’s making us look bad,” Josh chuckled, making a fond noise in response to seeing Danny give Sam a quick kiss to the forehead. “Look at that! What witchcraft has he been cooking up in his shitty little basement to swing that?”

“Love potions,” Jake responded in a silly voice and they both erupted into harmonizing giggles. 

The three on the couch looked up in confusion at them, which only made them laugh harder. Sam bristled instantly and Danny turned to see his eyes flicker with insecurity before glazing into a cold glinting squint.

“Shut the fuck up!” Sam barked, immediately (and correctly) assuming they were laughing at his expense.

“Sam!” their mom yelled from the kitchen, and Sam immediately closed his mouth and continued to glare stormily at his snorting brothers. 

“What’s funny?” Danny asked innocently, applying a gentle pressure to Sam’s shoulder with his own to try and calm him a little. Sam had been touchy for days leading up to this and Danny was honestly running out of ideas on how to soothe him.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jake said coolly, turning his back on them to return a bottle to their bar cart.

“He’s drunk,” Josh accused teasingly, exchanging an amused look with Danny that made Danny ease up ever so slightly.

“He’s an idiot,” Ronnie quipped, which Sam passionately nodded in agreement with. 

“You’re an idiot,” Jake retorted, his words carrying no bite as he and his sister traded mocking faces at each other while Danny watched with a shy smile. While the bickering continued, he looked over at Sam and melted a little at the sight. Around his siblings, Sam seemed smaller and softer than when he was trying to put on a suave front when he was on his own. Danny had obviously seen through that facade over a year ago, but Sam still attempted to carry himself with that same edge that Danny had fallen for but never really bought. However, in his childhood home surrounded by family and the ghosts of dynamics established long ago, there was no hiding for Sam. He was a little boy in a leather jacket being picked on lovingly by his big brothers and sister, and while Danny knew that Sam was going to be annoyed for the rest of the night, he really couldn’t help but find the whole scene adorable. 

“Danny is very tired and we are going to bed!” Sam finally shouted over his jabbering siblings, holding onto Danny’s arm and tugging to try and get him to his feet. 

“Aw, lame, Sam, come on!” Jake cackled while Danny gave Sam a look of confusion and amusement as they both stood up. “We were all gonna stay up until midnight and throw rocks at Santa’s sleigh.”

“I thought we were seducing him,” Josh complained, clearly much more into his idea. 

“Well, give him my number, then,” Sam countered. “Or throw a rock in my honor. I can’t be around you assholes for a minute longer.”

“That’s not very festive of you, Sammy,” Ronnie frowned, pulling on his sleeve as Sam attempted to shuffle Danny across the room almost as if he were a human shield. “Come on, stay.”

“I really am tired,” Danny said with remorse, giving all of Sam’s siblings a sincerely sympathetic smile. “But we’ll be up bright and early for presents, I promise.”

“You’re the sweetest, Danny,” Jake replied, clapping Danny on the back as they passed. “Don’t know why you bother with this street urchin.”

Sam rolled his eyes but Danny felt the genuine shiver of irritation from him as Josh and Ronnie hummed similar sentiments about Danny and Sam being…Danny and Sam.  

“Goodnight, you guys,” Danny bid them, giving a little wave as Sam practically dragged him up the stairs. 

--

They had all tossed him enthusiastic and properly festive goodnights as he chuckled and let himself get pulled along by Sam, who let out a frustrated sigh the second they were out of earshot. Danny only got a moment of appreciating the cute, vintage wallpaper of the hallway and the childhood photos hung up before Sam pulled him into his old bedroom and closed the door noisily behind them. Sam immediately collapsed face first into his pillow and let out a muffled groan while Danny cracked his neck and did a little perimeter walk of the room. He ghosted his fingers over posters ripped haphazardly out of magazines and Scotch taped to the wall and sun bleached science fair ribbons. Sam let out another noisy sigh while Danny continued to dote on every tchotchke and think with red cheeks about another time he’d surveyed Sam’s room while Sam vied for his attention. 

“They only razz you because they love you, baby,” Danny hummed, finally turning away from the sweetly dorky photos of Sam and his school peers to smile at Sam sprawled dramatically on his twin bed. 

“I wish they would do it in a way that didn’t remind me I’m such a fantastic fuck up,” Sam spat bitterly, flipping so he was staring up at the ceiling. His eyes were flat and dark in the way that Danny had seen for so many years and his heart fluttered sadly as he sat on the edge of the bed and put a reassuring hand on Sam’s cheek. Sam immediately let out a little huff and nuzzled against his palm.

“You’re really warm,” Danny noted simply as he felt the heat brewing on Sam’s skin.

“Yeah, ���cause I’m fucking pissed off,” Sam muttered, rolling his eyes dismissively and shaking his head slightly as he stared at the wall and allowed Danny to swipe his thumb over his cheek and smooth his hair.

“You’re not a fuck up, Sam. I hate hearing you say that,” Danny assured Sam, using every ounce of sincerity in his body when he said it. Sam didn’t answer, simply continuing to chew on his lip and petulantly avoid eye contact. 

“Hey, can you look at me when I’m talking to you?” Danny asked sternly.

“Can you stop pretending like I’m some pathetic wimp fishing for a compliment?” Sam snapped, pulling Danny’s hand off of his face and rearranging himself again to stare into the expanse of the room. Danny recoiled slightly, unable to fend off the sting of Sam rejecting his kindness. But after a year of learning how to navigate Sam’s many tantrums and categorizing the roots of the meltdowns, he knew that Sam didn’t mean to hurt him. He never did. 

“Sammy,” Danny said softly, moving further onto the bed and tucking his feet under Sam’s legs. “I know you were really hesitant to come and do this at all.”

“They just make me so mad,” Sam whispered. “There’s just, like, this hole whenever we’re all together. Dad, I mean. His stupid choices and then, you know, my stupid choices. I don’t…I don’t want to be another empty space for them. And I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna be that.”

Danny couldn’t stand to give Sam his space for a second longer. He lowered himself to lay behind Sam and Sam immediately turned and buried his head into the crook of Danny’s neck, the both of them awkwardly entangling to keep Sam as close as possible to Danny’s chest while they clung together. There weren’t any tears from Sam, but Danny could feel the shudder in his thin chest as he fought to even out his breathing and calm down.

“And then,” Sam continued weakly, his voice high with emotion as he stumbled over his words frantically. “They’re giving me all that shit about how great you are and how you don’t belong with me. Like I don’t already know that. Fuck, Danny, I’m sorry but I agree with them. You deserve so much better than me and my-”

“Sam-”

“I’m serious, I swear I’m just waiting for you to wake up and realize I’m an asshole with-”

“Sam.” 

Sam, ever the obedient listener even in the midst of a full blown rant, cut himself off with a ragged exhale and pressed his mouth against Danny’s neck to silence himself. Danny held the back of his head and rested his lips right next to Sam’s ear, resisting the urge to nip his earlobe like he usually did when he was this close. 

“Sam,” Danny whispered, soft and smooth and steady. “You know I love you. You know I hate hearing you talk about yourself like this. I know you’ve had a lot of trouble coping with everything since your dad went away, and I know you made a lot of choices that you’re not proud of. But, I mean, you were a kid. A really hurt kid. And you’ve been trying so hard to change from the person you were and frankly, I can hardly believe you can’t see how much you’ve grown in this past year alone. You’re amazing.”

Sam sniffled slightly and burrowed up further against Danny. Danny smiled, his mind fuzzy with fondness as he thought about every instance that proved his own point. Sam, who quietly leafed through self help books rented from the library and wrote down all the tips and tricks he could because he was so determined to stop picking fights with anyone and everyone. Sam, who taught himself to cook with nothing but the cooking channel and the goal of having a new dish for Danny to try every week. Sam, who had worked infuriating shifts at the mechanics to pay for the lovingly hand picked presents for his family that now lay under the tree downstairs. Sam, who Danny loved more than anything.

“You should be with a good man,” Sam breathed, barely audible. “You’re gonna die wishing you hadn’t wasted so much time on me.”

“Good men die too,” Danny replied with a disbelieving laugh. “I’d rather be with you.”

Danny felt Sam’s lips smile slightly against his skin and he kissed his temple, still gently cupping the back of his silken head as his other hand absently doodled soothing shapes on the considerable curve of Sam’s back. If his hand dipped any lower, he’d be tracing the inky wings of the lower back tattoo Sam had surprised him with a few months back. Danny’s cheeks burned thinking about it for a moment too long and he channeled the warmth into pressing more kisses against Sam’s hair.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam pulled away just enough to look up at Danny through his starry lashes and give him a lovelorn smile. 

“Thank you,” Sam whispered sincerely, tucking a frizzy wave behind Danny’s ear with his deft calloused fingers. “I’m sorry for spinning out on you.”

“Family makes everybody crazy,” Danny shrugged, reaching up between them to lightly hold Sam’s chin with his thumb and forefinger. “And you never have to apologize. I’m happy to help.”

Danny tried and failed to smother his smile watching Sam’s pupils blow wide with affection as Danny kept a hold on his jaw. 

“I love you, Sammy,” Danny purred, teasingly brushing his nose against Sam’s. “And for the record, I have never once thought you were bad. You’re actually very, very good.”

“How good?” Sam asked bashfully, his lips parting to let out a shaky smiling breath as he playfully pressed his finger against Danny’s lip. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was hearing mountains and mountains of praise from Danny. And with all things considered, Danny figured he was owed it in.

“So good,” Danny grinned, tapping Sam’s nose. “You’ve always been so good for me, Sammy, right from the start. Such a good listener especially. So gentle and kind and nothing but good. And so, so pretty.”

“Now you’re just buttering me up,” Sam murmured with flushed cheeks, still staring unabashedly at Danny’s lips.

“I’m serious,” Danny rasped, his hand moving to properly cup Sam’s jaw with his fingers pressed right behind his ear. “If I had known how well you take direction, I probably would’ve started bossing you around a lot sooner.”

Sam’s eyes widened slightly and Danny knew he was teetering on the edge of falling deep into a sweet, needy headspace that he’d initially been shocked to uncover. But these days? He counted on it. 

“You want me to boss you around a little, baby?” Danny asked gently. “Do you want to forget your hard night and let me do the thinking for a little bit? And then you can wake up nice and happy on Christmas morning and open all the presents I got you. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed desperately. “Please.” 

Despite his impatience, he always knew what Danny wanted to hear from him.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to say please,” Danny delighted, finally giving Sam a kiss but pulling away far too quickly to whisper again. “You’re gonna have to be quiet, okay? I know that’s not your strong suit but we can’t have anyone hearing all your cute little noises.”

Sam nodded eagerly and, with both hands firmly planted on the sides of Danny’s head, pulled Danny into a much longer kiss that had Danny readjusting to pin Sam under him. Under any normal circumstance, Danny would’ve had Sam by the throat for grabbing him the way he did. He would’ve had him on his knees until there were tears in his eyes showing Danny how sorry he was for getting handsy without asking Danny first. But maybe Danny was feeling the holiday spirit a little more than usual and decided to show Sam some mercy. He’d bring it up later after Sam had the nice, black necktie Danny had gifted him as an early present wrapped around his wrists. 

“Love you,” Sam murmured dreamily against Danny’s lips as Danny put his weight on his knees and began moving his hands up to smooth over Sam’s chest and play with his waistband.

“Love you too,” Danny echoed with a mischievous smile. 

He didn’t give the chance for Sam to speak again before his palm muffled Sam’s chatty mouth and stifled his growls and whines until the first rose flush of dawn stretched over the newfallen snow and the lovesick boys tangled in a creaky little bed.

--

[silk-and-web]

Watched Deadpool and Wolverine. My reactions:

Not as good as the first two but enjoyable enough. Better than I expected since I admittedly thought it'd be disappointing. It does what Quantumania did but better.

I appreciate how they responded to the complaint that they're ruining the ending of Logan by doubling down in the most Deadpool way possible.

Watching Deadpool viciously murder TVA agents was cathartic. It's the edge that the MCU painfully lacked, and a fuck you to the originator of the tired and underwhelming multiverse saga.

I'm glad we saw Deadpool's supporting cast and did not kill them off. I'm sad they had no role in the story, which I unfortunately expected. Same deal as Quantumania.

I don't know how Shatterstar is alive but I'm not complaining.

There were so many inside jokes that only hardcore fans who know what happened behind the scenes of Marvel, Fox, and even DC would understand. So naturally I laughed at them.

All the alternate Wolverines were fun. The Cavilvolerine was 10/10. We technically got a Hulk cameo.

I legitimately wondered if RDJ was going to cameo or not, but they lampshaded it as expected.

Chris Evans fuckin' got me. I thought they went all out for a Captain America variant. As soon as he said Flame On I lost it. I had a feeling he wouldn't be sticking around so I'm glad they admitted it was for budget reasons.

Xavier's sister was annoying af but she's the villain so I guess she did her job well

Every Deadpool and Wolverine fight was perfect. They basically fucked.

This movie had all the cameos people thought Multiverse of Madness was going to have. I did not expect nearly this many or who they brought in.

Blade was great and he's probably right we won't get another. Electra was so unexpected it's funny. Channing Tatum finally playing an extreme comic accurate Gambit was great. X-23 made me smile though I wish she had more to do in the film. I'm glad she was included in the ending so there's potential for her to appear again.

The two final acts were pretty predictable but entertaining enough. Not much else to say there.

Wolverine's suit is great though the mask was clearly CGI in a few shots.

The Deadpool Corps fell flat and had unclear motivations. They shouldn't have been included at all tbh.

Yeah Hugh Jackman is never going to stop being Wolverine lmao

Ultimately, it was an enjoyable but completely unnecessary movie that sadly lacks the heart of the previous films. Like Quantumania, it gets wrapped up in world ending threats at the cost of the supporting cast that made the previous movies great and meaningful.

Post credits scene was a good gag, made me laugh.

The credits clips and music made me emotional. It's the send-off to Fox X-Men (and F4) we never truly got. Can't believe how young Hugh Jackman was back then. Seeing Quicksilver got me bad, I love Peters' portrayal so much.

And the Thor scene is such a funny tease because I highly doubt there are any actual plans set in stone so Ryan Reynolds is just daring Feige to find a way to retroactively make that spoiler a spoiler.

[aces-solace]

Hobie brown x gn!blackmail! Reader

TW: blackmail, male reader in mind but should be gender neutral, flirting, ooc, let me know if I missed anything

I lean against the alleyway wall pulling out a pack of cigarettes. As a puff of smoke leaves my mouth the infamous spider-punk is hanging upside down in front of me. " 'ey mate" I look at him "hey, need something?" I ask bringing my cigarette back to my mouth. " Jus' 'eard you go' sum blackmail"

I blow the smoke off to the side. "that's what you hunted me down for? But yeah, I got blackmail" I say bluntly. " 'eard you got sum on me, yeah?" I chuckle "yep, I got some on almost everyone in this city" I smile. " yeah, well I need you t' delete wha'ever you go' on me mate".

"well if I delete that blackmail I gotta get blackmail on someone else that's famous to compensate for you" I say putting my hand in my pocket. "Jus' wha' do ya have on me mate" he asks and though I can't see it I can tell he's looking for my phone. " Y'know spider-punk.. it's funny actually".

He squints at me "the most recent blackmail I have is of hobie brown, no blackmail of you at all. So, hobie brown.." he tenses visibly "want a cigarette?" I ask my demeanor changing completely. He seems shocked as his eyes (masked eyes?) Widened. " You fuckin' wif' me mate?".

I shake my head "I really don't care who you are honestly I can delete it if it really bothers you but while I do that you want one?". I ask while taking out my phone "yeah.." he says and I hand him my pack of cigarettes. I delete the blackmail of him and put my phone up. "Alright, it's gone" I say.

"go' a ligh'er mate?" I nod handing him my, admittedly very unreliable lighter. "'s not workin'" I let out a huff before I grab his face pulling him towards me lightning his cigarette with my own. I let him go once I'm sure his cigarette is lit "yeah, it's pretty unreliable but hey I gotta go. I say

"So I'll see you around hobie brown or spider-punk" I smirk.

Second story, sorry if it sucks.

[daincrediblegg]

oc question: not really a question (sorry) but oh holy fuck your lady terror oc is so pretty in those sims photos 🥺 for sure see how francis falls for her! have you heard the song ‘star of the county down’ ? she so reminds me of the girl described in that song

au question: which au is your favourite to write/have a soft spot for? or do they all hold the same special place in your heart?

AAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU MY FRIEND!!! oh man I haven't shared nearly half the screenshots of her (and francis. hehe.) that I have on here... but I'm starting to think I should lmao 😂 AND NO I HADN'T HEARD THAT BUT!!!! HOLY SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S SO GOOD!!! Looked into the history too. funny coincidence that it's meant to take place in BANBRIDGE OF ALL PLACES so yes... yes much to think about... going into some playlists I tell ya... OHHHHHHH I mean. God there's so much (and for reference I put out an AU LIST- which has admittedly grown a BUNCH since last discussed- and of course co-created with @trantors) but the western one has been sticking with me a lot these days. Not for any particular reason- it's just vibes at this point going off of stuff like Deadwood and Ravenous (and perhaps westworld now in the mix? idk re-watched some of that recently with @prismatica-the-strange and it got me into a mood about season 1 and 2 again) but idk. something about that. But also the Vampire AU makes my brain go brrrr just because of how much unique world-build work cherry and I put into it and I still think about it (and saying this now- currently watching iwtv, it makes me want to dip back into this scene for a vampiric wedding ritual that I was writing for Lady Terror and Francis so so so fucking bad because it's cool as fuck- also lmao I have sims of them too I do fuckin love making sims for these bitches it has to be said- building them a gothic castle too) but yeah safe to say... that's what's been on the brain lately (but also full credit to the Baffin Bay Museum au for being such a dope slice of life idea I also can't forget that either bc of how much I loved dipping into alcoholism recovery for francis with that... good stuff all around lmao)

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, our discord is raihansofficialboywife if thats .. reassuring (?) for you. .. dont say anything about the username, i know its silly but its personal for us so just dont question it lmao . again i dont really have any interest in moving this over there but im.. sure youre well aware of that by now hm?

we have the inner voice thing, kind of. im not really sure if thats actually even what it really is, but we can talk to each other without saying anything outloud, headspace or otherwise. ("i think thats just telepathy" - luca .. true, but still lol..) admittedly sometimes i miss my old bodies, but i think the one i have now is pretty nice. i dont really have a solid form, i kind of change tiny things about my appearance constantly even when i dont mean to, but mostly i latch onto whatever im presenting as at the moment with my own things added, some of them are surprisingly consistent between forms, like my fucked up eye whcih is why i have the x as that eye in the little emoticon thingies (x_o <- those) .. i like having my own little typing related things that are specific to me because theyre tied to my personal appearance in headspace, its a nice special comfort. andrew does it too, he puts little bunny ears on the sides of all his kaomojis.

i could talk a lot about my headspace appearance, because i personally find it very interesting .. but i also am very much a narcissist (npd holder, along with.. just being incredibly self absorbed and otherwise narcissistic by definition even outside of the pd, hahah) so i personally find every little tidbit about myself to be utterly fascinating.

man thats fuckin awful, im sorry that shit happened to yall. like.. i cannot express enough how genuinely insane that is..? and excuse my language in referring to it.. just. lord. it still disturbs me to this day how malicious people can be for no real reason greater than for the sake of it. how i wish it was just humans but i suppose every being is unfortunately prone to that ill natured behaviour ..

thats a really crazy coincidence in all honesty лол. i forgot how exactly i started using it for myself, i think it started as an aesthetic thing to go along with an old layout of a blog i dont use anymore, and then i started using it as signoffs in asks and just.. got attached, and started using it for myself in general. we even use it for ourselves as a collective now, its been in our discord status and bio for like.. a month or two i think? maybe three. were really bad with time perception so i couldnt give a very good estimation if i tried.

🪷

No no it's okay, we don't need your discord but I am thankful you were at least open. While we are on discord far more frequently we should be talking where you're comfortable. Where both of us are comfortable.

And yes, I believe telepathy is very common in the headspace so I'm not too surprised it's not just us. It's funny too, because while we don't have a fucked up eye, we often feel like we do. It's so strange and I think almost like phantom feeling, like having a phantom limb except it's more of a phantom scar we can't explain. Of course we're not going to be dumb like those "trans-abled" people and fuck up our eye just because we think it would feel right, that's just stupid. (it's our left eye)

And yeah we know what you mean, having little things helps a lot. We have a hood with ears on it but it's got paws attached too. The ears are fixed upright but it's a black hood. Still, we love it and we're glad we have it.

We love our self absorbed alters /hj

No okay for some odd reason our brain tends to latch onto alters that tend to have more self-absorbed personalities. Does this go for all of our alters? of course not. But Edgar Valden, Bob Aken (Obake), Me and the multiple doubles we have of each. But then we also have our Andrew and Aesop doubles and they aren't self absorbed so much as they just prefer their space. It's so strange how our system works. Systems are fascinating tbh.

And yeah, it was just beyond fucked up. It was ridiculous and even when we tried to move someplace else they followed us over. It's just.. such drama. The idv fandom is really fucked up in general. Already a few servers we've come forward on have either been hostile towards us or have actually infantalized me. And I mean waving images of baby keys in my face level and "feeding me meat and rice."

Frankly our status will not hold that emoji forever. We actually.. have no clue why it's even still there lmao. We just put it there one day and never changed it. Time perception is hard fr.

[cyncerity]

Really short thing for the creature Tommy au that still needs a name!!

This is just a funny scenario that I couldn’t get out of my head, and it’s way shorter than what I usually write, but i really wanted to lol

This takes place way further in the au, where Tommy and Wilbur are basically family and Tommy actually cares what Wil thinks and doesn’t want to disappoint him.

anyway, tw: blood, violence, weapon use, mentioned gore and somewhat disturbing content (istg it’s all for shits and giggles it’s not as bad as it sounds)

The second that Wilbur had entered the alleyway, he knew. He had one thought, as he felt someone’s eyes on him, as he felt a hand on his shoulder that pushed him into a wall, as a man put a knife to his neck and pulled a napping Tommy out of his pocket;

This wasn’t going to end well.

“Look, we can talk about this, don’t do anything drastic-“ Wil tried to say.

“There’s nothin to talk about, bud. You made your own mistake bringin your little pet out here, you know how hard it is to catch one of these fuckers? ‘Sides, i know a couple of people who’d love to get their hands on one.” he said, jostling the sleeping “borrower” in his hand to prove some point of power in the situation.

Wil groaned in frustration. He knew the man was trying to intimidate him, but all he was doing was telling Wil stuff he already assumed. “I get it, you’re gonna sell him or some shit, you absolute asswipe of a man. But you don’t want that one, i swear to god, if you’d just give him back-“

“You wanna die pretty boy, cause that where this is goi-“ “Do you wanna die?!” Wilbur shouted, pushing the knife away from his throat. “Cause I genuinely cannot promise your safety if he wakes up, i’m not fucking kidding.”

“Oh yeah, what he gonna do, huh?” he said, closing a fist around Tommy as he shook him more violently and pressed the knife closer to Wil’s throat. Wil watched as Tommy’s eyes began to flutter awake and he raised his hands in surrender to the burglar. Tommy looked around to where he was, looking up at the burglar and then looking back to Wil. Wil, with his hands still up, nodded slowly to the boy, who smiled a sharp, toothy grin as large sideways canines began to form out from under upturned lips.

Wilbur made eye contact with the thief, who was now beginning to notice Tommy’s rapidly shifting form. “Don’t say i never warned you.”

…….

Wil pulled his hood higher above his head, further concealing the now inconspicuous “borrower” (well kinda inconspicuous; he was absolutely drenched in blood) on his shoulder as they made their way out of the now somewhat distant alley, listening to the screaming and sirens echoing from the background.

“Ok, I know I gave you the go ahead, but did you really need to take off all of his fingers??” “Did he really need to be such a bitch? And did you really need to call an ambulance for him?? Shoulda let the fucker get infected and rot there.” Tommy responded as he glared at Wilbur for a minute before going back to gleefully licking more blood off his fingers.

Wilbur tucked his head lower as the aforementioned ambulance sped past them. He felt a little bad for the guy, honestly. He’d heard somewhere that if a finger got cut off, you could reattach it quickly after the accident. This guy…wouldn’t be getting that option.

Well, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about feeding Tommy tonight.

Wil lifted a finger to mess up Tommy’s hair, the creature letting out an offended squeal as Wilbur laughed. “You’re like a feral cat, y’know that right?” Tommy gasped smack at whatever part of Wil’s face he could reach. “Fuck you! I’m so much more sophisticated than a cat! How dare you compare me to something so much less charismatic and charming and handsome than I am! And did you see what I did back there! No fuckin cat coulda done that! He was screaming like a little bitch before I even got to his fingers…“ Tommy ranted as Wilbur (admittedly half) listened to his rambles.

Tommy had probably corrupted some of his morals at this point, he’d be a fool not to realize that. What feels like a lifetime ago, before Tommy, he would never have just let some lab escaped creature rip a man up like that. But as it stood now, no one was gonna touch his family, and he’d be ok with a little bloodshed to keep his feral cat of a brother/son safe.

“and, c’mon, it wasn’t even that much blood loss-“ “I’m glad you’re ok, Toms.” Wil interrupted, glancing down at the boy to see he’d gone silent without a fight for once. He pretended not to see the way Tommy flustered as he turned away. Wil looked up, content to spend the rest of the walk on silence, until-

“…I’m glad you’re ok, too.” Tommy mumbled, still looking away from Wil. “I probably wouldn’t have gone as hard on him if he hadn’t been threatening you. I don’t know what if do without you, Wilby.” Wil ignored the tears forming in his eyes at the rare display of emotion, even if Tommy still wouldn’t look him in the eye. He was so, so proud of his progress. However, he didn’t want to embarrass him, so taunting it would be.

“Aw, did you just call me Wilby?” Wilbur cooed, causing Tommy to let out an offended squack as he yanked on Wil’s hair. “No! Fuck you, I take it all back, go to hell you fuckin wanker I hope you die!!” Tommy screamed as Wilbur laughed. “Don’t worry, Toms, it’s ok, it’s a cute nickname.” Wil responded through laughter as Tommy continued to shout obscenities at him.

Wilbur looked around and, after confirming that there were no other muggers nearby, took the screaming borrower from his shoulder and gently culled him to his chest. “Stop screaming for a minute and try and get some rest, Tom, it’s getting late. Plus I know how tired you get when you’re full. We’re still a ways away from home, but you can yell at me when we get there if you’re still up for it.” Tommy mumbled some excuse to not sleep but ended up dozing off soon anyway, which Wil wasn’t surprised about. He knew he was right about Tommy selling after eating, and he knew for a fact that Tommy slept better while listening to his heart beat, which is why the boy slept on his chest curled up like a cat every night.

Wil wondered when his life began to revolve so much around this strange little creature that he had found. When had he made his own life more difficult with this, when had he started prioritizing this monster over himself.

He looked down at the sleeping child in his hands and and smiled, feelings of joy and love that he hadn’t felt in a long time filling his chest.

Maybe he didn’t mind too much after all.

[cyberrat]

61st Batch Of Fics: 8th Fill

Hanzo/Cassidy – Trucker AU – Part 10 – Cole loves dirty talking. Or running his mouth. Not much difference there.

---

Cole doesn’t speak for a few minutes, just focusing on driving and watching as Hanzo gets progressively more anxious after his admittedly ominous sounding order. Eventually he disperses the tension in the air by declaring: “I know you’re a little whore.”

Hanzo stops fidgeting and instead stares at the back of his neck, his face screwing up into a tight mask of anger.

Cole continues: “I know that you’re a lot more nasty than you try to let on. Or maybe you don’t want to admit it to yerself? In any case… you get a kick outta me tellin’ you what a nasty li’l cumrag you are, don’t ya? Your li’l dick’s getting all wet at the tip just listenin’ to me pullin’ you apart and sayin’ it how it is, right? Ahh no need to say a thing. I know about you an’ your kind.”

He really kind of wants a cigarette right now, already feeling a tightness pulling behind his naval, cock fattening up nice and lazy. He doesn’t think he’ll get it up properly but is surprised how just a little bit of dirty talking the kid is getting him this excited.

In the reflection he can now see that yeah, there definitely is color on Hanzo’s cheeks now. A nice cherry red that is at odds with the deep frown on the kid’s pretty face. God, but he’s gorgeous… he looks like he’d be even more so with a few thick streaks of cum on his cheeks, though.

“You try an’ act all high and mighty but in reality you get off on people like me. You like it when I roll over you and crush you into the bed and don’t give you any wiggle room. You like it when I don’t give ya any choice but to take what I dish out because then you can keep denyin’ to yourself how hot it got ya and how desperately you were huffin’ my stink, right? Heh, yeah. Got a li’l tip for ya, babydoll. Don’t go thinkin’ I’m a fuckin’ idiot, alright?” He licks his lips slowly, thinking about what he’d like Hanzo to do first. The night is young and he’s not feeling anywhere near exhausted.

“Go on… pull up your sweater. Let me see those little tits of yours.”

When Hanzo doesn’t move and just stares at him in confusion, Cole decides to let him in on his little secret. He reaches over, tapping against the strategically placed mirror. In the reflection, Hanzo’s expression does a few funny acrobatics as the knowledge sinks in, then settles on careful neutrality. Cole doesn’t comment on it; he’s got a feeling that he won’t be able to keep that one up for very long.

“Go on,” he tells him again, crooning. He’s not the most attractive fellow, Cole is aware of that more than anyone else – but he knows how to use what little he does have going for him. Like his voice. A nice deep cadence usually drops panties a lot faster than a sixpack anyway.

Hanzo visibly clenches his jaw but he does reach down, grabbing the hem of his sweatshirt and pulling it up slowly.

Cole whistles low through his teeth. He had been able to feel his body when he’s pressed him close to his own but it’s something different than seeing those hard muscles for himself. The loose fitting makes the kid – well… not a kid, obviously – look a lot younger than he actually is. The tight muscles of his belly are slowly moving with his breaths and his chest is actually pretty broad, the pectoral muscles nice and plump all things considered.

“How old did ya say you were?” he drawls. There’s a shadow on Hanzo’s left pectoral that must be part of the tattoo that Cole had spied earlier. Damn, pretty intricate ink work… couldn’t be just a grunt way down the food chain, right? He feels his arms break out in goosebumps.

Hanzo does not answer the question. He’s turned his head away, exuding stubbornness despite showing himself off like a good boy.

“Cute… what is it called- tsundere?” That gets him the sudden undivided attention of the kid. Hanzo’s head snaps around and he stares at Cole as if he’s seen a ghost or something; well not quite that dire but he obviously didn’t expect him to know the word.

Cole chuckles and clicks his tongue, not speaking for a few seconds to draw the tension out before he rasps: “Told ya not to underestimate me, bimbo. I ain’t the dumb shit you think I am. Now… go on and bite down on your shirt so you got your hands free. Those puppies look like they can be a nice hand full. Couldn’t feel ‘em through that sweater the other night – might still be thinkin’ you’re a li’l girly-girl otherwise, huh? Wouldn’t want that, now, would we? Though you sure do got a nice little pussy on ya. Like tight snatches like yours… feel like I’m splittin’ ‘em in half once I pull ‘em on my dick.”

He’s not thinking much about what he’s saying; he’s always been good about running his mouth – to Gabriel’s unending annoyance… though he’ll not think about that now. that way only lay ruin.

Hanzo keeps nice and quiet as well. He’s put the hem of his shirt between his teeth and is cupping his pectorals with both hands. The flush on his cheeks has come back with a vengeance. He looks like he understands perfectly what Cole is saying to him… or maybe filth is just so universal that it doesn’t matter either way.

“Go on… play with ‘em.” He licks his lips slowly, shifting his knees apart as his cock fattens up a little more. There’s a slow, lazy pulse he can feel along his shaft, concentrating at the crown. He could kind of go for another dick warming session but he also wants to see what he can make the little whore do.

Hanzo still is not fighting back which is pretty nice. He’s willing to work for his treats, it seems; rubbing his thumbs over his soft looking nipples. The light is too dim to properly make out their color but in Cole’s mind they’re candy pink; something the kid would probably get made fun of for when he gets to move around their Japan office sucking cock and getting it up the ass-

“There ya go. Sensitive, aren’t they? Maybe I’ll treat myself next time… take care of those cute tits you got there. Bet you’d squeal like the piglet you are when I bite ‘em, huh? Bet nobody ever paid much attention to ‘em too. You got a pretty face and a cute snatch; don’t need more than that, right? Go on, squeeze ‘em together; show daddy how plump they are��� Ah yeah that’s the face I’ve been lookin’ for. You love it, don’t ya?”

The kid has closed his eyes, his lashes looking like bruises on his high cheek bones. For a moment Cole feels almost… taken aback by how pretty Hanzo is – only for the moment to shatter when there’s a soft little moan floating out from between his clenched teeth.

Just from fondling his tits… damn.

[dadsbongos]

Katsuki Bakugou having an airhead gf for about 1130 words

Movie/Game/Show: My Hero Academia Dynamic: Katsuki Bakugou/Reader Warnings: airhead shit ig, I just got diagnosed, so I gave you ADHD because :D Summary: Katsuki never thought he’d be a fan of airheads, but here he was - holding one in his arms like he’d lose her anytime. ~~~

“Why the wide smile, dork?” Katsuki side-eyed his girlfriend.

“Because,” (Y/n) giggled, squeezing tighter at her boyfriend’s - admittedly sweaty - hand, “you came with me! You don’t usually do that.”

“Whatever,” he gruffed, “I just wanted to spend time with my girlfriend, that a damn crime?”

“No! You should do it more often,” the girl smiled, “Like all the time.”

“Maybe you’ll start training with me, hah?” the blond teased.

“No way,” (Y/n) immediately pouted as the couple walked down the street from their dorms, “Your training’s crazy! I think I'd die…”

“You wouldn’t die, dumbass,” Katsuki huffed, “I didn’t date you just to kill you.”

“I’d hope so,” the girl mumbled quietly.

~~

Tracing over the hand laid against her stomach, (Y/n) closed her eyes with a small smile as Katsuki pressed his cheek to her shoulder. Fresh slivers of golden sunlight peeked through the boy’s blinds as morning arose to wake the couple. Katsuki, for as much as he wanted to deny it, found it hard to sleep without (Y/n) - without her warmth and comfort. Something in the body he could hold so close to his was inexplicably soothing.

Neither party was asleep anymore, simply basking in the glow of morning as soft sheets spread over their lackadaisical bodies. (Y/n) turned the hand over her midsection to face palm-up and began gently running her fingers over the firm flesh there as well.

“You have pretty soft hands, Kacchan.”

“It’s some shit with my Quirk, I don’t get it,” he mumbled, “Don’t get me started on the suppository shit, that made me so pissed to find out.”

“What’s the suppository stuff about?” (Y/n) quirked a brow, looking to her boyfriend despite his eyes being closed.

“Anal fissure rectification,” Katsuki pressed his lips into a thin line, knowing he’d have to rephrase or his girlfriend wouldn’t understand, “Tears in your asshole get healed with nitroglycerin and since my sweat’s so similar, I bet it’d work too.”

“Gross,” the girl fake gagged, still drawing circles in her boyfriend’s palm, “That sucks. I’m sorry you had to learn that.”

“Helps with chest pain too, so it’s not complete shit,” Katsuki huffed, shifting so he was even closer to his girlfriend, “But that was horsecock to find out.”

“I love the way you phrase things.”

“I try.”

~~

“Man, Bakugou,” Denki murmured, watching as (Y/n) and Momo battled on the other side of the gym, “I didn’t know (L/n) was so strong. Kind of inspiring, now I wanna be more like her.”

Katsuki’s brows furrowed, he loved (Y/n) - dearly - but, “I saw her drop a pizza and cry about it for thirty minutes last night.”

~~

“If I illegally download a movie in the Bahamas, does that make me a pirate in the Caribbean?” (Y/n) suddenly asked as Katsuki was doing his homework.

Pausing, the blond turned in his chair to look his lover in the eyes, blinking at her twice before sighing, “Did you take your Adderall today?”

“...maybe…”

~~

“I hope I get run over,” Katsuki grumbled, reading off the pairings for the newest team-building exercise.

“Aw, don’t say that!” (Y/n) cheered, patting her beau’s back, “Kaminari isn’t all bad, he’s super nice!”

“You’re just lucky you got Ponytail, she’s the only useful extra here,” the boy huffed.

“Hey,” (Y/n) puffed out her cheeks.

“Stop whining,” Katsuki rolled his eyes, ignoring the calls of his name from a certain electric blond, “You’re not an extra, I don’t see why you’re pissed.”

“I’m not?!”

“Fuck no, I wouldn’t date a nobody.”

~~

“If a whole zoo escaped, what would be your top priority?” Mina suddenly blurted out.

Just as (Y/n) went to say ‘ducks’, Katsuki answered, “Tigers and lions, duh.”

“Right,” the girl nervously chuckled, “Obviously.”

~~

“Katsuki?”

“What?” the boy turned to his girlfriend, slightly disturbed as she never called him by his proper legal name since realizing she didn't have to.

“I’m scared,” (Y/n) fiddled with her fingers, “I threw a boomerang a few years ago and it didn’t come back, what if it hits me and knocks me out while I’m in class? Or while I’m on a mission?”

Katsuki’s face dropped into a deadpan, “Are you joking?”

“No.”

“Alright, come here, I’ll tell you a secret,” he waited for her to come closer, “I destroyed the boomerang,” at (Y/n)’s shocked face, he nodded solemnly, “It came in while you were sleeping a few weeks ago, I didn’t say anything cuz I knew you’d flip the fuck out.”

“Wow!” (Y/n) smiled brightly, taking her boyfriend into a tight hug, “You’re so cool, Kacchan!”

“I know.”

~~~

Looking over her study guide for the upcoming economics unit, (Y/n)’s brows furrowed, “Inflation? Isn’t that like… a kink?”

Katsuki’s head snapped over to his girlfriend as she sat at her desk, “Tell me you’re joking right now.”

~~

“If I was hiding from a killer, I’d just hide in the pantry!” (Y/n) beamed, “That way, I could eat while hiding, it’s simple.”

“Yeah, then the killer could hear you opening loudass chip bags, it’s genius,” Katsuki sighed.

~~

“I hate everyone in this school,” Katsuki grunted.

(Y/n) frowned, “Even me?”

“I said everyone, (Y/n), not every ten.”

~~

“Someone’s gotta talk to Denki about the birds and the bees,” Hanta shook his head, “Not gonna be me.”

“Huh?” Denki queried a brow, “A talk about what and who?”

“I’ll teach you about the birds and bees,” (Y/n) nodded sadly, placing a hand on her friend’s shoulder, “They’re disappearing at an alarming rate.”

~~

“The recipe says to beat three eggs,” (Y/n) read off the box of brownies.

“At what?” Katsuki snorted, “Hand-to-hand combat?”

“Has to be,” his girlfriend seriously replied, “Aizawa banned Quirks in the kitchen.”

~~

“Wanna hear a sad joke, Kacchan?”

“Why fuckin’ sad?”

“Oh, autocorrect, I meant dad.”

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed at (Y/n), “This is a verbal conversation.”

~~

(Y/n) looked up from the bed sheets in the nurse's room, “You can call it a near-death experience, Recovery Girl, but I call it a vibe check from God.”

Katsuki immediately shook his head, “Stop… please stop.”

~~

“Stress is not good for the baby!” (Y/n) shouted, gripping at the sides of her head.

Katsuki looked over, “What baby?!”

“Me!” the girl sniffled slightly, looking on the verge of tears with her study guide and notes spread out on her desk, “I’m the baby.”

Awkwardly looking away, Katsuki clenched his eyes shut before throwing his arms open and wrapping them tightly around his anxious girlfriend, “Tell me when the stress levels are down, you big baby.”

“Thanks, Kacchan.”

“Whatever, nerd.”

~~

“Hey, does it smell like gas in here?”

(Y/n) pat herself down before pulling out a lighter and igniting it, “Nah.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened as his girlfriend casually placed the lighter back in her coat pocket, “Oh my fucking God.”

~~

“Careful with my emotional baggage,” (Y/n) reminded Eijiro as he loaded her things into the trunk, “It’s designer.”

“He knows,” Katsuki rubbed at the bridge of his nose, “You say it every time.”

(Y/n) nodded, as if her boyfriend was stupid, “Because it’s funny every time, Kacchan.”

[iakes-on-amasakas]

웃 ☤ ♠

From here || Not accepting at this time!

웃:  what my muse would leave to people in their will

A couple of things to note here:

First off, there's not going to be a lot of cold, hard cash to distribute. Aside from a reasonably responsible amount of savings, Shinji tends to spend his money once he makes it. This is partly because he's lowkey (read: highkey) a big "retail therapy" person (if you think the shoes he's wearing here aren't Gucci I literally don't know what to tell you) and partly because he's a firm believer in the whole "you can't take it with you when you go" thing. Plus, life sucks sometimes. If you can make it suck less by surrounding yourself with stuff that you like, more power to you.

Second off, while Shinji has a hefty record collection, and it might seem obvious to suggest that he'd leave meaningful albums to meaningful people, he's not prescriptive like that. He doesn't want to make assumptions about other people's tastes, no matter what he himself vibes with. He might set one or two albums aside for special folks if he's feeling extra sentimental, but I don't really foresee it. He's more likely to ask @playkinshara to dole them out if/as he sees fit, and then ask his friends to sell the rest of his clutch, bona fide vintage finds and make a quick, hefty buck.

So, honestly? His preference would be to leave a short, little note for the folks who survive him that reads something like:

Take whatever you want, but don't fight over stuff. Be fuckin civil about it, k? Pawn the rest of it and haggle like hell. Or hold a yard sale idc lol

☤:  the last time my muse went to the hospital and why

Shinji avoided the hospital like the plague during exile, for what he figured were obvious reasons - between leaving a record of his presence places and the fact that his body has all kinds of wonky stuff going on (whether he's in a gigai or not, he figures), it just seemed like a dumb thing to do. Plus, he's pretty hearty, and he's dexterous, and he's careful. He doesn't hurt himself or get sick very often, fortunately.

When he does hurt himself these days, though, he's actually pretty prudent about it. If he were to slip on some ice and fall on his ass, say, he'd actually bop over to the Fourth real quick to make sure that nothing was sprained or broken. He's proactive that way; a stitch in time saves nine, kinda mentality.

It's not a particularly exciting answer, but the last time Shinji went to the hospital was, statistically, pretty mundane. Turned his wrist funny while conducting routine drills, or wanted to double check that the shallow score across his arm from small-fry hollow claws was healing right.

He lives on the edge aesthetically, and he gets a kick out of exuding subversive vibes, but at his core? He's a careful motherfucker.

♠:  the riskiest thing my muse has ever done

Other than taking on @chimaericrealities as a lieutenant??

Lol, I kid, kind of, because when Shinji takes risks, they're usually big ones, but they're usually the product of a long, long time spent thinking through pros and cons.

So, yeah, taking on the Most Suspicious Person In The Entire Gotei as his lieutenant is definitely, actually up there. Fast-tracking @black--sun's hollowfication training in the secret underground arena - and heck, even revealing the location of the warehouse to Ichigo in the first place, for that matter - also comes to mind, and that was dangerous, but it paid off.

We don't really see him take many risks in canon, either during the Fake Karakura Town battle or, frankly, throughout the whole of the Thousand Year Blood War arc. When shit hits the fan, Shinji is a strategist, and he acts withing the bounds of his (admittedly formidable) capabilities.

In conclusion, I guess I'm actually, fully not kidding at all when I say that the Aizen choice was was the riskiest one Shinji has ever made - because it's the only highly significant choice in Shinji's history that didn't pay off the way Shinji thought it would.

..................that said, I'm not mad, because it means we get shit like this:

Shinji has different feelings about it, obviously, but I'll gladly tip my hat to Aizen for directly fueling some of the most badass moments from my boy <3

[soulwillower]

tozier • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x tozier!reader smut)

requested: okay so once regular requests open, here’s my idea. so the reader and richie are siblings and they absolutely hate each other and to get under his sisters skin, he fucks her best friend. so in sheer anger she decides to fuck all of his

warnings: underage drinking, very flirty bill denbrough, smut, oral (male receiving), a teeny bit of deepthroating, fingering, switch bill, unprotected sex, praise kink, a teeeeeny bit of a pain kink i guess but i think that’s it. unedited

part 5 of the tozier series [  i  ii  iii  iv  ]

(losers and reader are 20+ and in college in this)

5.7k words

♡

when richie had galloped into your room to tell you that the losers were coming over, you’d just shrugged it off and nodded your head - you were used to your brother’s friends being around. honestly, now it didnt ever bother you because despite the pain in the ass that he is, your brother sure knew how to pick a friend or two (or six).

you’re thinking about that as you pad into your kitchen, face on the floor until you see richie’s legs sat backwards in a chair.

“hiya.” richie greets you with a two-fingered salute as you look up. you open your mouth to respond but your breathing is cut short when you look to the right, where bill denbrough stands in all his stupid sexy glory in the middle of your kitchen, toying with a lighter as he meets your eyes.

bill. oh god.

“hey, y/n.” he says with a soft grin, his green eyes alight with joy as he tosses his lighter to richie, who catches it swiftly.

you try your hardest to not fucking blush because damn it, all he said was “hi” and you’re honest to god 3 seconds away from taking off all of your clothes and leaping onto him. or vomiting in the sink - maybe both. for some reason, bill always makes you feel hot, no matter how old you get and how many of his friends you bone.

“h-hi bill, how are you?” you ask back, cursing your nervous stutter. richie, who has apparently decided to throw caution to the wind and smoke openly in your kitchen instead of going out back to the yard, chuckles through his lit cig. “aw, you’re startin' to sound like him, sis.”

you shoot richie an alarmed look, "that's a bit rude." you say and richie shrugs it off, wiggling his stupid bony hand at you, “nah c’mon, it’s so cute!” he insists and you just turn even redder.

“n-no, he’s right.” bill mutters with another goddamn smile and your chest flutters with butterflies as you make eye contact. “but i’m doing really good, thanks. how are you, y/n? are you going to come w-with us tonight?”

you and richie both look at the boy standing casually at your kitchen counter, his eyes innocent as he pops a blackberry between his plush lips. you have to tear your eyes from him because he’s staring at you expectantly and you think you might fucking combust.

bill denbrough, your brother’s best friend, was very hot. obviously. he had always been sweet - when you were all in middle school you remember bill always being kind albeit dismissive when you would see him at your house in passing.

but puberty smacked into bill like a fucking freight train, just as it did to you and your brother and all of his friends, and bill was a borderline god now. it was completely un-fucking-fair, because you swear sometime between when richie slept with your best friend and now, you went from barely batting an eye when the boy was around your house to blushing when he so much as looked at you and waking up in a sweat after having a dream of him sneaking into your room from richie’s and fucking the daylights out of you.

totally, completely un-fucking-fair.

but sometimes, you kind of thought bill saw you in the same way you saw him. sometimes.

it was there in the way bill’s eyes would meet yours; it was there in his gentle words and sharp laughter whenever stan or your brother made a stupid joke and bill was three beers into the night, the way he’d immediately look for you every time he did so.

you’re pretty sure it was there most of the time - even before you started on this quest of sorts to get back at richie, because it's not like you weren't thinking about richie's friends before you started this whole thing. and bill has always been the boy next door, the friend that your mom always gushed about even from a young age; he's just grown into his looks so quickly in the five years since you were in middle school.

and that, in itself, is the real reason why you’re thrown by bill’s insistence that you join the rest of the group tonight - you can count on your hands the amount of times that bill denbrough has asked you to hang out. it's not like he doesn't like you, but it's more like he doesn't care if you're there either way. and you hate to say it, but that nonchalant attitude makes your thighs clench every time he smirks when you walk into the room.

“i mean, sure, that's cool.” you say neutrally, feeling way shier than you ought to when, at the same time, you’re watching bill crack his knuckles and all you can think about is him sliding his fingers deep inside of you.

“we're going to kiera gross's party.” bill says with barely any interest as he picks another blackberry out, and yes you are blushing again so you turn to look at your brother instead. you really didnt want to piss rich off, but if bill denbrough was insisting you go with them tonight...

he shrugs, "whatever, just don't be a bitch." he says with a playful grin. "oh, and don't get too flustered tonight, y/n. you know, cuz stan's coming." richie says in tease, making you flush. "shut up, richie." you hiss, shoving his shoulder and sneaking a glance at bill, whose expression is unreadable as he stares between you and your brother.

you'd had a small crush on stan when you were kids, which had weaned off eventually, but it used to be fairly obvious. stan was so funny and intelligent and admittedly very hot, but he and especially richie still tease you about it occasionally, which is very mortifying. you don't know why you're so flustered that bill knows - it's not like he'd care for any reason, and he's too nice to really tease you about it too much anyways, and it's not like he hasn't heard them tease you about it before.

you're just embarrassed.

"okay. yeah, i remember her. i'll come." you mutter, toying with the hem of the shirt you're wearing and smiling at bill. you feel hot under his gaze and your legs clench together just at the way his fingers tap against the counter. god.

"y/n, what the hell, 's that my shirt?" richie pipes up, switching the subject with brows furrowed as you blink. "i don't know what you're talking about." you say, trying to feign innocence as you grin at the two boys in front of you. richie scowls, "c'mon, stop stealing my shit!" he whines and you shrug, glaring at him, "stop stealing my weed, then."

"take it off." he grumbles, crossing his arms, and you scoff.

"big deal, rich, you have so many other shirts." you reason as you walk over to fill up a glass of water. "no, y/n, it's mine. take it off!" he insists, and you sigh, making eye contact with bill from across the counter.

"fine!" you snap, getting a sly idea in your head. a very bold idea, one that will be perfect to piss richie off. so you start to lift the shirt up from off your frame, lifting a pointed brow at richie as his eyes widen and he rushes towards you.

"no, no! jesus, don't fuckin' do that." he yelps. bill's chuckling and you can't help but look up at him, flushing under his smirk as he lifts his brows playfully at you. he looks so hot as he smirks down at you, his eyes trailing down to where your fingers still have the hem of the shirt lifted up slightly.

"i-i wouldn't mind." bill says quietly, a glint in his eyes that immediately makes you flush, your stomach flipping around at his words as you tear your gaze away, feeling the adrenaline rush from your brother's anger and bill's attention. your heart stops at his words and your stomach burns, butterflies fluttering around as a small giggle escapes your lips.

"bill, stop. fuck you. fuck both of you, actually." richie mutters, rolling his eyes and turning away from you both, putting out his cigarette on his shoe and standing to go throw it away. bill looks at you with red cheeks of his own, lifting a brow in tease as he looks at you.

"he was just joking, richie." you say with a smirk, ignoring how weak your legs feel. you grip the counter as you stare at bill, unsure where his boldness comes from but wondering if it's driven by the same reason you're acting up.

bill hums, smirking to himself as he pulls a few more blackberries and drops them in a bowl. "oh sure, c'mon trashmouth. i was j-just joking."

“william.” richie snaps and you raise your brows, confused but loving what was happening. you're slightly thrown off - having forgotten that bill's full name was william, but also because of the sharpness and warning tone in richie's voice.

“what?” bill asks with a laugh, looking up from the damn fruit carton as he stares richie down. it almost feels like a challenge, the way your brother is staring at bill, and you feel left out in a way that you don't really know if you want to be let in.

it's slightly tense and you’re shocked - richie is the kind of fucker who laughs at suave shit like that, but the more you think about how protective he is of his friends, the sooner you roll your eyes.

"oh....kay. i'm gonna- i'm gonna go." you say awkwardly, biting your lip. you hide your grin as you slip out of the kitchen, meeting eyes with bill as he winks subtly at you while richie shakes his head with a frustrated glare down at the lighter in his hands. "y/n," richie calls as he follows you down the hall.

you turn right at the base of the stairs, a smirk on your face. "what?" you snap. he glares at you. "don't do that shit in front of my friends, that's so fucked."

you stare at him, trying your hardest not to smile. you wonder if bill can hear you. "what? we were just teasing you, richie. i can't help it if your friends all want to fuck me."

he runs his hand over his face, groaning, "can you be quiet? bill probably heard that. and don't fuckin' joke about that. if you touch one of my friends i'll kill you." he snaps. 

you shove him, completely floored that he could be so daft. "richie, you're still fucking my best friend! i hate you, why are you such an asshole?"

"whatever. stay away until we leave tonight." richie says as he turns to leave, holding up a middle finger as he stalks back towards the kitchen.

you didn't go back downstairs until you heard the others come in about forty five minutes later, spending most of your time getting ready and calming down after richie's stunt. you decided that tonight is the night you try and hit on bill. after grinning to yourself in the mirror and flattening your top against your chest, you make your way down from your room to find all of richie's friends lounging around the kitchen. of course, your eyes immediately find bill, who is still eating those damn blackberries. you chuckle.

"do you ever put those down?" you ask, causing him to pick up his head and chew slowly, grinning through a closed mouth as if he'd been caught red-handed. his eyes move up and down your figure and it makes your stomach flutter. he doesn't get the time to respond because richie's already herding everyone out the door. bev's winking at you, which makes your stomach flip, slinging an arm around your shoulder in greeting as you all file into stan's hatchback, mumbling about the girl's house whose party you're going to.

you spend the first two hours with bev and mike, playing pong and sipping casually on mixed drinks while you catch up with people you haven't seen since you graduated.

a while after, mike and bev start to play king’s cup. you opt out, instead deciding to go find some of the others. when you make your way to the kitchen, you find richie and stan taking body shots off of two girls you remember from your bio class junior year. 

the sting of jealousy you get from the girl as she cards her fingers through stan's curls instantly makes you sour, shoving richie as you grab a mike's hard lemonade and crack it open on the counter.

"what's wrong with you?" richie mumbles, wiping his mouth as the girls walk away. stan smirks as he leans on the counter, his cheeks red. god, you hate being so horny. where's bill?

your eyes linger over the crowd and richie, always the asshole, takes the opportunity you'd accidentally just presented to him. "you sad stan the man isn’t taking body shots off of you? you’re not really his type, sorry.” 

you gape at richie, feeling like you could murder him on the spot. you’re bright red, not daring to look at stan as he mutters, “richie, you’re a fucking asshole.” 

you glare at your brother. “just trying to find the best thing to kill you with. i want you dead.” 

"whatever, you don't need to be so sensitive." richie teases, craning his neck when somebody calls his name from the backyard. "sis, duty calls. catch you in a bit." he adds, his attention on your friend who'd just shown up and is waving richie over. the sight of her makes you roll your eyes at richie.

as the boys leave, stan nudges you, "don't listen to him, he just doesn’t like the idea of me liking you more than him. you're cute when you blush." he nudges your chin with his fingers and then laughs when you flush even more, turning and making his way through the crowd with a drunken goodbye.

jesus christ. 

now that you're alone, you want to scream. your eyes roll back as you rub your face with a short sigh. what the fuck were you thinking, getting involved with ben, bev, mike, and eddie? and now bill? plus, what’s stan up to, since when was he such a flirt? 

god, you're way over your head.

“a-are you okay?" the devil himself asks as he pads into the kitchen behind you, a smile on his face. great.

you sigh, shaking your head, "richie makes me so fucking mad sometimes." you say honestly, wary of talking shit about richie to his best friend. bill just nods, and you realize for a second you really let yourself think that richie's friends didn't know he was an asshole.

"you know,” bill smirks, “r-rich told me to stay away from you tonight.”  bill just takes three steps closer, oh so slow, and it unintentionally backs you against the counter.  your mouth goes dry, your body buzzing at the proximity.  slowly, bill places his hands next to you and leans on the counter.  “we should just get back at him to piss him off.” he mutters and your eyes widen, lips parting as you stare at him. "it's f-funny when he's mad."

your eyes bounce down to his lips, which are curled in a smirk and you breathe out shortly. "how do you suggest we do that?" you whisper, hands snaking around his shoulders and ignoring the pounding in your heart. he smirks, "d-don't know. what would piss him off the most?"

you grin, feigning innocence. "y'know... maybe if we just went into a room together right in front of him. he'd get somad." you say with a giggle. bill chuckles, turning back to see richie laughing loudly with your old friend by his side, telling some stupid story that was probably making everyone roll their eyes. "let's go, then." bill says, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the kitchen, your face burning already at how easy that just was.

you pass the group of people that richie's in, and bill sends you a look before he taps a kid next to richie on the shoulder, effectively grabbing richie's attention. "h-hey, can you hold onto this drink? just for a bit?" bill says, handing him his cup. you follow bill's lead, handing your drink to your friend and asking her to hold onto it. "we'll be back in a bit." you say, sending her a wink and making richie furrow his brows.

you see his eyes follow you as bill grabs your hand and pulls you towards the closest room, his hand falling to your back as he ushers you into the room. as the door closes, you let out a bit of a laugh, shaking your head. you sit on the ground in the empty bedroom and bill follows, his knees grazing yours and making your stomach flip embarrasingly. he pulls out a deck of cards. "w-want to play something while we w-wait?"

you snort, realizing if you want to make richie suspicious you should at least stay in here for a bit. and it's not like you're complaining that you have to spend time alone with bill denbrough. "you want to play war?" you ask, looking at bill.

he nods and starts shuffling, handing you half the deck. "he's going to kill me." you mumble with a slight laugh. bill sends you a look. "he's going to kill m-me, not you." he says, shaking his head.

you laugh, "no, he's going to be furious. he's a bit hypocritical, he doesn't want me to have sex with you, let alone be nearyou, but he's probably going to take home my best friend again tonight."

bill hums, and that's when you realize how blunt you'd just been.

"he just d-doesn't like it when people have fun." bill says, lifting a brow as his voice goes lower. you turn slightly red as you make eye contact. "and it sounds like he kind of deserves it, anyways. i think if we had sex it would be a win-win."

you blink because wow, bill is much smoother than you expected. you look at him, his dark auburn brows rising above his half life eyes, which are trained on your lips. "then what's stopping us?" you say in a whisper, your heart pounding in your chest.

and just like that's you're kissing bill.

his lips are chapped and warm, strong against you as he pulls you closer by your neck. he smells amazing, and you surge up against him with a small sigh when his tongue brushes along your bottom lip. you're about to move over and straddle him, but a noise makes you pull away.

"out of the way!" you hear your brother's voice distinctly call muffled from behind the door and you jerk away from bill suddenly. he chuckles at you and you both pull yourselves together just as the door bursts open, richie standing at the doorway. you blink up at him with a smirk, the deck of cards in your hand as bill asks him innocently, "what's up, r-rich?"

"what the hell are you doing in here?" he snaps, looking between you with angry eyes. you snort, "we were going to play war. is that okay, dad?" you spit sarcastically. richie rolls his eyes, "get out. we're leaving anyways."

and he turns, leaving the door wide open as he tries to grab mike's attention. you meet bill's eyes and you both laugh awkwardly after having been interrupted, ignoring the red on your cheeks as you make your way towards the front of the house to meet up with the others.

richie acts like a toddler for the ride home, the streets at one in the morning empty as you all sing along terribly to the music stan plays. he's pouting and sending you and bill death glares from where the two of you sit in the trunk of the car, making you smirk to bill when richie looks away.

but after you've all gone to bed, you toss and turn in your room by yourself, unable to get bill off your mind. his lips, his hands on your neck and waist... after thirty minutes of debating, you finally pull yourself up and creep out of your room to find him in the basement with the others. you're not sure what your plan is, but luckily you don't have to finish it because you nearly run into him five steps away from your bedroom door.

"oh!" you say, jumping a bit in the dim lighting. "y/n." he says, looking surprised and guilty. "what're you doing up?" you say, letting out a breath as your heart rate jumps.

"can't sleep." bill explains, green eyes boring into yours. you hum, nodding and ignoring the blatant lie bill just told, ignoring that he's walked up two flights of stairs towards your room just because he 'can't sleep.'

it makes you grin. "well, i still have that deck of cards we were using earlier." you say, sending him a look as you gesture slightly to your bedroom behind you. bill smirks, "we n-never did get to play that round of war, did we?" he says with a charming smile.

it's mostly quiet as you set up the deck, the tension of being alone together in the middle of the night in your bedroom making you seem like you're doing something you're not supposed to. it makes you feel warm as you start playing, the first time you draw the same card giving you a good idea.

after you flip your fourth card down and see you lost, you let out a sigh. "fuck." you whisper, reaching and pulling your top off. you toss it to the ground next to where you and bill sit and then you dare to look at him.

his eyes are wide, cheeks flushed as he stares at your chest, your skin glowing against the fabric of your bra. "fuck." he nearly moans, and the noise makes you instantly clench your thighs. "these rules are n-not the ones my parents taught me." he says with a swallow. you laugh a bit, shifting as your heart pounds. "i like this version much better." he whispers.

the next time you both draw the same card, he loses, and he smirks, pulling his own shirt off. it makes you turn red because yeah, you forgot he and stan are on the baseball team and you did not expect him to be this fit. you lick your lips, pulling your eyes off his bare skin and clearing your throat. it's silent in the room, the sexual tension almost killing you.

as you both draw a matching card next time, you're about to scream from the intensity. you lose and try to hide your smirk as you pull your shorts off your legs, going onto your knees and grinning at bill. he groans lowly, biting his lip and making you impossibly more wet.

"i don't know how long this game's gonna be, y/n." he says lowly, his eyes glued to your frame. you lick your lips, shrugging as you move to crawl toward him, "we can just say i win, then." you whisper, throwing a leg around his hips and settling into his lap.

"well why can't i win?" he asks as his hands course over your bare skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. he's grinning softly, eyes stuck on your lips with an enticing look. you melt as you lean forward, "you'll have to work for it." you whisper against his lips, kissing him.

his hand slides from your hip up to your jaw, his thumb caressing your chin softly as he presses against you. "f-fuck, y/n." he mutters against your lips as you pull back, moving your hips softly down against him and feeling his cock twitch below you. you let out a small moan into his ear as you balance your forehead on his shoulder, your fingers roaming over his chest.

he's biting softly into your neck minutes later, making you whimper as his thumb sneaks down to rub circles against your clit slowly. you palm him lightly and his head falls against the mattress, letting out a moan. you kiss him as your hand moves, squeezing him lightly and loving his stuttering breath on your skin.

you pull yourself off of him and sneak between his legs, laying down so he has a perfect view of your ass as you mouth over his boxers. you tease his cock with your mouth before you mumble, "can i taste you?"

"y-yeah, fuck yes." he breathes out, and if it weren't for your aching need to make him feel good, you might have huffed at how needy he sounded. you pull him out of his boxers and toss the underwear to the side, watching as his cock springs up to hit his stomach.

"sh-shit," he whimpers as you grin, leading your mouth down to press hot, open mouth kisses down his shaft.

he groans, one hand coming to hold your head softly, making you tingle. you watch as he stares at you, lips parted and eyes blown wide. his cock is glistening with precum as it lays hard against your palm. you lick your lips, leaning towards him and keeping your eyes on his.

you lick a stripe up the base of his cock and up to his tip, swirling your tongue. he groans in relief and pleasure as you take him into your mouth slowly, bobbing your head and taking as much of him in as you can. he's bigger than anyone you've been with before, and the need to feel him inside you and to make him fall apart has you taking him as deep as you can.

he lets out a choked moan as you take him deeper, your eyes clouding with tears as you try not to gag. you can tell he’s straining not to buck his hips as you bob up and down on him. you know he’s already close and you smirk when you hear him moan swears under his breath. he's whimpering, his cheeks rosy as he looks at you with half-lidded eyes. he's putty in your hands, and it makes your stomach flutter.

“god, you feel so good, y/n.” he groans. you pull back, sucking on his tip as you swirl your tongue, catching your breath. you take him in again, holding as long as you can and loving the way he’s writhing under your touch. he groans, one hand digging into the carpet, the other resting in your hair, his chest rising and falling shakily.

bill sits up, his eyes dark and lip caught between his lip as he watches you. “i see you touching yourself." he mutters, and your hand slowly stops rubbing your clit, your mouth stilling until he's deep in your mouth and you look up at him. "a-are you going to let me fuck you?” he says, his demeanor changing so quickly you swear you can't breathe. you turn red as you pull your mouth off his cock, a string of spit falling down your chin. he catches it with his thumb and then slips his thumb into your mouth.

"i just want to make you feel good." he says as your tongue swirls eagerly over his thumb. as he pulls it out you nod, trying to find the words to regain the authority that you'd just lost. "such a pretty girl." he mutters as he rubs your cheeks with his hands.

"please," you say, feeling desperate. "please fuck me."

he moans at that, eyes rolling a bit as he nudges you so you're laying back on your carpet. he's above you then, kissing you deeply as his hand slowly trails from your knee and up slowly towards your neglected pussy, his fingers stopping to rub your clothed folds. you let out a small moan as his fingers move, your toes curling. "so wet." he says quietly as he looks at you, watching your reactions to see what you like. it gives you butterflies.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s slipping a finger inside your heat slowly and you're gasping, eyes clenching in pleasure.

he's building a rhythm with his fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. you can’t find it to care as you look up at bill, staring back at you with swollen lips and a smirk, his fingers making you grip his hair in ecstasy.

your moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly as his thumb starts to rub your clit, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other holding your breast. his head dips down, lips attaching to the other nipple and swirling, making you arch your back.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he leaves light hickeys all around your breasts. the thought of bill denbrough marking you up for everyone, including your brother and all the other losers to see pushes you closer to the edge.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you moan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinful.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark, pumping himself in his other hand. "fuck." he mutters as he pulls his fingers from your mouth, staring down at you. "you sure you want to?" he asks, lips close to yours. you nod, "please, bill, need it so bad." you say, hands rising to his shoulders.

he says nothing then, instead lining up at your entrance and teasing your swollen clit with his head. he's kissing up and down your throat and you let out a whimper, gripping his bare shoulders. and then he pushes into you slowly, his teeth grazing your neck. the sudden stretch fills you to the brim and you let out a guttural noise at the feeling. your back rubs uncomfortably against the carpet as he pushes into you, but your hands grip his shoulders tighter and all you can think about is bill.

“fuck, bill.” you mumble, moaning his name as he starts thrusting, building his pace slowly as you adjust to his size. "harder." you barely get out, whimpering as his hands grip your hips, and then he’s snapping his hips into yours.

“fuck, you're perfect.” his hands grip you, holding your legs open as your eyes roll back slightly, “look at you, f-fuck.” he pounds you into the carpet, his lips then falling to suck large marks on your neck, the stinging pleasure of your bare back on the carpet adding to the pleasure of bill tearing you apart.

his hips still snap into you deeply, his arm slipping under your back to prop you up slightly, making him hit your g-spot and making you let out a loud moan. you feel him so deep inside of you that tears prick at your eyes, the pleasure building instantly. "so pretty." he says against your neck.

you keen loudly, back arching as you yelp his name. he pulls back to look at you, hand tugging on your hair so you look at him as he pounds into you. “look at you.” his voice is deep and rough and then he's pressing a kiss to your temple as he fills deep inside you, the feeling overwhelming as your orgasm creeps up again.

your fingers scratch down his bare back, making him hiss and hum slightly, gripping your hips and lifting you slightly. after a few more thrusts, he pulls out and is flipping you quickly to your hands and knees, hand pressing gently on your back so you arch it. "shit." he hisses under his breath as he eases back into you, the new angle has you biting your hand, his cock pressing deep inside you from the pace of his hips. his lips pepper over the raw skin of your back, red and sensitive from rubbing against your carpet so hard.

and he nudges your head as he thrusts into you, tilting your jaw so he kisses you. his lips are against yours like he’s claiming you, his teeth clashing slightly with yours and his tongue dominating. you’re weak, legs shaking as he pounds into you.

you moan, your stomach clenching in ecstasy as you moan out his name, coming closer with each harsh thrust, “bill, fuck, im gonna cum,” you whimper. at your words, he pulls out of you and flips you again, so you're back on your back, this time lifting one of your legs and pushing into you quickly. your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh.

“wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down. you whimper, face red from the pleasure of his words. he's slamming into you, your back rubbing hard against the ground and his eyes admiring the smudged makeup of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already.

his thumb rubs circles on your cllit and as he presses lightly, you can't hold off any longer. "bill, fuck!" you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. "so pretty." he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back.

"fuck, b-babe, 'm gonna cum." he mutters as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips as he thrusts one last time into you, pulling out. you quickly move as he rises to his knees, opening your mouth as his fingers squeeze your jaw.

he's pumping himself as his cheeks redden, chest rising and falling quickly. "y/n, fuck." he mutters he as he cums, spilling onto your tongue as you look up at him.

beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he spills into your mouth, his cock laying heavy on your tongue.

you look up at him with wide eyes as he sighs, falling back down next to you. "j-jesus." he mutters, and you laugh, kissing his cheeks and then his lips.

"th-that'll piss richie off." bill says breathlessly. you laugh lightly - if only he knew.

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[vanhelsingenthusiast]

.... Omg! Can you please give us analysis of each character and how they are portrayed in the book and then the movies?

Oohh ok! (I’m just gonna go thru the characters and how they are in the book vs how they are usually portrayed in adaptations. These things do not apply to every single adaptation, or even necessarily one specific adaptation, full disclosure, lol) (also this will be very long, so, it’s under the cut.) 

Mina: 

~ In the book: kind, sweet, caring, motivated, intelligent, interesting, funny. I could go on and on. The protagonist. She IS the moment. She could defeat Dracula without the men but the men could not defeat Dracula without her. I said what I said. 

~ In adaptations: typically kind, but may or may not be any more intelligent than the men. Typically portrayed as a damsel in distress, though in the book she isn’t. Almost always Dracula’s love interest. Sometimes she even low-key betrays the Crew to help him. Her personality is very often reduced to one or two traits/archetypes so she can better fit the role of Dracula’s love interest. 

Jonathan: 

~ In the book: Damsel in distress. He can sometimes come across as boring, because he’s the only very average person in the book, but that’s because he’s supposed to be. It’s a compare and contrast type of thing. Even then, he’s incredibly brave, and incredibly determined. He represents the average person, rising up to the challenge. 

~ In adaptations: oh, Jonathan?? You mean the only reason why Mina and Dracula can’t bone??? Yeah but it’s fine if Mina cheats a little bc also he’s an asshole for no reason ://// 

Lucy: 

~ In the book: A delight. Absolute angel. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone but not always in the way they want. If she could she would move all of her friends into a little cottage and bake bread and make tea for them for the rest of forever. Part of the reason why her transformation into the Bloofer Lady is so scarring is because she was genuinely so good-hearted before that. 

~ In adaptations: lol she has three suitors so she must be suuuuper promiscuous (side note: not a bad thing but most adaptations portray it as such), and also because of that she definitely wanted Dracula to turn her into a vampire. 

Arthur: 

~ In the book: Lucy’s fiancée. Also he’s fuckin loaded so he helps fund the whole expedition. Interpretations of him change kinda drastically because he’s not given much canon personality or back story, but he’s overall a pretty decent guy. He can be mean but, like, in a loving way. 

~ In adaptations: if he’s there at all he’s usually Just Some Guy. Which, like. fair.  

Jack: 

~ In the book: a psychiatrist who desperately needs to see a psychiatrist but he is not self aware enough to know this. Used to be Van Helsing’s student. He definitely can be an ass (especially to Renfield), but it’s usually more that he just doesn’t think how his actions affect other people all the way through than him actively being a terrible person on purpose, if that makes sense. Him and his interest in science and technology symbolize the heralding of the new age, which is in contrast with Dracula, who is only ever “living” in the past (bedum tsss). 

~ In adaptations: sometimes he’s Van Helsing’s peer rather than ex-student. Usually he doesn’t still keep a phonograph, or even an active interest in technology, which is...a disservice. He can either be nice, or mean, usually not very nuanced or interesting. Honestly I feel like usually in adaptations he’s kinda just used as the gap to get Van Helsing there and then he does nothing after that.  

Quincey: 

~ In the book: literally the guy who kills Dracula. A Texan, as well, which seems funny now but at the time it was a fairly common trope to add in a foreigner. He’s pretty calm always, especially in a crisis, and also willing to step up and do whatever’s needed of him. And, again, he literally kills Dracula. Easily one of the more important characters in the book, except he doesn’t keep a diary so most people don’t acknowledge this. Also at one point it’s stated he’s rich af iirc so that’s funny. 

~ In adaptations: what do you mean we should add the guy who killed Dracula??? Nah it’ll be fine without him 

Van Helsing: 

~ In the book: he’s the hero of the story (not the protagonist, that’s separate). Him and Dracula are character foils. He’s the guy who knows everything about vampires, and also the guy who specifically knows how to stop Dracula. Even then, he isn’t a professional vampire hunter, or even, like, an expert. He just happens to know a shit ton about this. His name means “father of multitudes” and he is the Designated Dad of the group. He probably makes everyone hot cocoa and tells them weird stories about spiders drinking oil from lamps after a long day. 

~ In adaptations: murder grandpa is an asshole who also has no idea what he’s talking about because it makes Dracula look better 

Count Dracula: 

~ In the book: the villain. He could represent a lot of things — anything from a plague, to the past creeping up and not staying buried where it should, to Stoker’s internalized homophobia, to Stoker’s own xenophobia or antisemitism, or all of the above, or none. He has a lot of layers and each layer is a new level of villainy. We don’t know a lot about him, admittedly — who he was in life, why he became a vampire, what all of his powers are, or even his motivations for coming to London. He can represent any evil we want at all, which makes him a very affective villain. Also he’s supposedly related to Atilla the Hun which is funny af to me for no reason 

~ In adaptations: incel!Vlad III 

Renfield:  

~ In the book: admittedly, he does not have much baring on the plot. He tends to act as a meter for how close Dracula is at any given moment, until his death when Mina takes over that role. However, he introduces many themes and topics into the story: insanity, corruption, idealization of evil, etc., and he and Lucy work together to showcase how vampirism corrupts and how it can destroy even relatively innocent people. Even though Renfield has a bit of a reputation of being violent and volatile, he only ever really does something violent once, which wasn’t even entirely of his own volition and he sacrifices himself for the greater good. 

~ In adaptations: oh no scary evil insane man1!!11! he’s obviously just horrible it’s not like Dracula is manipulating him!11!! if Dracula were to manipulate him then Dracula wouldn’t be a sympathetic antihero :((( 

The Three Weird Sisters: 

~ In the book: the antithesis to Lucy’s suitors. They are supposed to be seductive, and dangerous, above all. They might be Dracula’s victims, or they could be some other vampires unrelated, we don’t really know. Not much is said about them and that’s likely very much on purpose. They have the same air of mystery about them as Dracula does, if not more. A lot of the horror in this book is based in the fear of the unknown. 

~ In adaptations: walking boobs with fangs. Usually so much is changed about the story that none of the above is even relevant or can be applied to them. 

Anyways thanks for the ask and I hope this answers your question :) 

[ectonurites]

Okay, so I kinda wanna know your thoughts about how weird the fandom portrays the bat characters. Canon is ... not my favorite, but it actually offers a lot of nuance to the characters that I think makes them all interesting. Unlikable, but interesting. I noticed fanon tends to boil the batkids all into these superflat caricatures. Like, cereal obsessed manchild Dick Grayson or bad boy who's literal crimes are only because of the lazarus pit Jason Todd. Its not really a major problem, just weird

Oh I have a LOT of thoughts about this. I try so hard not to shit on how other people interact with content because like, it’s comic books! We’re all just here trying to make the best out of a mess of stuff and have fun, but admittedly a lot of fanon stuff drives me fuckin’ nuts as someone who reads a ton of comics.

Like, I like memes, obviously, I draw tons of memes with the batfam (+ yj) characters and make lighthearted jokes etc etc, and honestly if it’s just for jokes then I don’t mind people having whack interpretations of the characters quite as much. The thing that drives me up a wall though is like... when serious works and analysis and discussion are very clearly based on just the fanon interpretations without any bearing on canon aside from what you could skim from a wiki page, and it’s spoken like it’s fact! There’s ‘having fun with jokes that aren’t taking things that seriously’ and then there’s ‘blatantly mischaracterizing based on misinformation’. Way too often I see things fall into that second category.

Now, a lot of people in the batfam fandom don’t... actually read comics (or at least not frequently) and that’s not even a bad thing necessarily, like you’re 100% allowed to enjoy content however you want to! (I don’t wanna be gatekeepey, especially since comics are confusing to get into)

But the problem is that when a lot of people aren’t reading the comics, then the people who do’s opinions have a lot more influence if they’re loud enough. All it takes is one person who read something and interpreted it a specific way that might not even be correct, and then it can echo chamber and suddenly half the fandom thinks it’s 100% canon that way because ‘oh so and so said that and they actually read it’.

I also think that’s a problem with the popularity of out of context panels/blogs, while they are super funny sometimes, when people make assumptions about characters based on just a few things without context... it can lead to problems. If enough people say something enough times people just... start to think it’s true, even if it exists entirely devoid of context which changes the meaning.

Like, for example, according to canon there’s no actual confirmation Tim stalked Batman on foot for an extended period of time! We know from Lonely Place of Dying that he followed him once to get a picture to convince DIck that he still needed a Robin. Otherwise his ‘stalking’ & how he figured out Batman’s identity was more through media appearances (like newspapers and tv). This is wildly different from the common fanon idea that little Timmy was sneaking out regularly to follow Batman & Robin around with his camera.

I primarily blame Geoff Johns for this misconception because of these panels in in tt 2003 (from issue 29)

But like, think about it for a second, literally how would Jason know that? This is one of the first times he’s ever interacting with Tim, and he was dead/catatonic when that would have been happening! He is either making a wild assumption or perhaps Talia told him this when she told him about Tim, whichever of those it was it’s secondhand information not something he witnessed. Taking his word as fact here makes no sense, he was just trying to get under Tim’s skin while fighting him. But seeing those panels out of context if you haven’t actually read Lonely Place of Dying/only read a vague summary of it, and don’t necessarily know the details of the Jason situation, it could absolutely lead you to believe otherwise!

Dick as a cereal manchild is a weird one because like... okay yeah sure he likes cereal, I can think of like two panels I’m too lazy to find right now off the top of my head of him having it, but... that’s not something we see all the time! Its not like Ollie & his chili (which IS a running joke- seriously I have not read that many Green Arrow comics but the amount of times I’ve seen that man bring up chili in just in the few things I have read is wild. there’s even an official recipe. his chili has it’s own dc wiki page). Then, because Dick isn’t quite as emotionally closed off in the same way the rest of the batfam tends to be, people project literally all the pent up feelings onto him, making him this hug-crazy crybaby manchild... again it’s just very clear people who perpetuate those ideas (outside of like, maybe as jokes) haven’t actually fully read that many comics with him. I’d also even blame the Young Justice cartoon version of Dick for some other traits fanon Dick has, bc that version of him is def a bit of a Hot Mess™️ once he’s Nightwing 

Jason I understand misconceptions about probably the most because of how wildly inconsistent his writing was before the new 52 and how consistently Not Great it was once Lobdell took over. Jason’s one of the few characters I have read like, 90% of appearances for so I’m speakin’ from experience here. But still... acting like Jason as Red Hood is just a ‘bad boy rebel’ that could have a relatively happy connection with the whole Batfam is fun but unrealistic. You can not blame everything on the lazarus pit... he still has killed people! Lots of people! Willingly! Yes he has reasons and when he’s being written well it’s clear that he’s not just ‘random murder happy’ but rather ‘I kill when I feel they deserve it and that it’s necessary’ which is what keeps him an anti-hero rather than a full fledged villain most of the time, but that still keeps him so at odds with the rest of the Batfamily! Writers in more current continuity have had him compromise by only using rubber bullets in Gotham so they can have him interact with the family, but he’s still killed and will do it when he deems it necessary.

Also like... at the time of Under The Red Hood in the comics... theoretically... he hadn’t even been in the lazarus pit for well over a year. Go read Lost Days (it’s short! And except for the thing with him & Talia towards the end of the last issue it’s pretty good!), he spends a lot of time traveling the world and learning things/training before the events of UtRH. Yes you could interpret there still being some Lazarus influence going on there but I think the movie version of UtRH especially leads people to believe there’s a lot less time between his dunk in the pit and his first actions as Red Hood.

Fanon also has a lot of ideas about pit madness that vary wildly from what we have seen in canon, like yeah it’s been said to be a thing to some extent, but there’s not really the Danny Phantom Glowing Green Eyes™️ or anything like that... it’s fun to explore cool new ideas for sure but I just think it’s important to recognize the distinction between things that are actually canon and things that are popular fanon. (Also there are things that fall somewhere in between, there’s definitely stuff that isn’t 100% confirmed canon but could still be plausible/has been hinted at by some writers/is only canon in some settings)

Other things that drive me nuts are ‘quiet does-no-wrong angel Cass’ and ‘the Normal One™️ Duke’ because those just make literally no sense if you’ve read any comics with either of them... but fan content either does those versions or just completely ignores their existence a lot of the time! So! That’s a whole bigger problem!

In general though, this is fandom it’s not like this... matters that much on the grand scheme of things in life, we’re just people on social media talkin’ about comics. And this kind of misconception/flattening of characters does happen in literally every fandom ever. But it still does suck to see characters that have a lot of nuance and interesting history to play around with get reduced to a few traits that aren’t even actually that relevant to who they are.

[voxymoxyboxy]

Scrapped Secret Santa Idea

While struggling to write for my AU drabbles, I was looking at my old writing and stumbled across this abandoned draft for the Sam and Max secret santa from last year! I read it and found that I still really liked it so I thought I would publish it on here for people to read! It’s not finished, but I do really like what I wrote. Please enjoy!

The familiar thrum of the microwave sounded through Sybil’s kitchen as she leaned against a nearby counter. Little pops began a few seconds later, the smell of butter and salt slowly, but surely, washing over her like a warm bath. Thin fingers drummed against the large plastic bowl in her hands. Rather than compose a new symphony for one- though that didn’t sound too bad for her next career-, Sybil decided to cross things off a mental list.

Comfortable pajamas pulled from the depths of a bottom drawer? Check.

Snacks? Enough to feel like utter garbage come morning.

Fluffy blanket? Spread on the couch just waiting to be wrecked by her guest.

Speaking of her guest… Sybil checked her watch. It was almost eight o’clock, the time when their little girl’s night was supposed to start. Supposed to, because Max wasn’t exactly known for his punctuality. The woman sighed. If she had to guess, the lagomorph would burst through her front door at about nine, a full hour late, wide smile on-

A knock on the door startled Sybil from her thoughts. The bowl clattered to the floor, but the women kicked it aside as she made her way through the living room. Whoever was waiting outside stopped for a second, only to be begin spamming the doorbell instead. Sybil quickened her steps.

“I’m coming!” she shouted. “Just give me a second!” The ringing continued, much to the woman’s dismay.

“Sybil!” a high-pitched voice called through the wood. “What you say in the bedroom’s none o’ my business!” Nearly banging her arm against the doorknob in her hurry, Sybil threw open the door to find Max, wide teasing smirk on his face clothed in nothing more than a flimsy scarf. His hands were clasped behind his back and he rocked back and forth on his heels.

The woman rubbed the bridge of her nose but returned the lagomorph’s smile. “Good to see you Max.” She stepped to the side to let him in. “Come on in.”

Max strutted inside, a bag the woman hadn’t noticed until then clutched in his paws. Sybil raised a brow when, instead of just dumping it on her carpet, the lagomorph gently placed the bag under the coffee table. Free from potential harm and the crumb zone, the woman noted. He jumped on the couch, already making himself at home by wrapping himself up in Sybil’s blanket like stuffing in a burrito.

“So.” The lagomorph eyed the snacks on the coffee table. The woman watched as Max snatched the largest chip bag of the bunch. Ripping it open, Max dug out a handful of salty goodness and stuffed it all in his mouth. “Where’s the kid?” he asked, crumbs spraying everywhere from talking with his mouth full.

Sybil grimaced. Tomorrow would be a clean-up day for sure. “I left Penny with a good friend of mine from work.”

“What is it this time? Graphic designer?” Max picked at his teeth. “Toy making? No!” He snapped his fingers. “Mall Santa!”

“Elf, actually.” Sybil said, making her way back towards the kitchen. “Hired me on the spot after finding out I’m a mother.”

“Must be desperate to avoid any lawsuits this year.” Max commented and dumped the rest of the bag down his gaping maw. “Probably don’t wanna lose another Santa.”

“Lose another Santa?” the woman parroted, confusion plain in her voice. “I don’t remember hearing anything about a Santa being arrested last year.” Max flattened out his blanket nest so his arms were now free to move about. He grabbed a soda and popped it open.

“Whaddaya mean?” The lagomorph took a small sip before continuing. “You were there! I kidnapped you that mornin’ to help me get a present fer Sam! Near ‘bout had a heart attack when he burst in and handcuffed the bastard.” He traced the rim of the can, ears drooping a bit before shooting right back up. “Right?”

Sybil had to tread carefully.

“The popcorn’s done. Why don’t you get it while I turn on the tv?” Max was silent for a beat. While subtle, she could see his jaw tighten, grin turning forced. The grip on his soda tightened, leaving tiny dents in the aluminum. And yet, just as quickly, Max was bouncing back. Literally, as he’d jumped to his feet.

“You actually trust me to go within six feet of yer microwave?” the lagomorph said. He brushed away an imaginary tear. “I’m touched!”

“Get going before I regret my decision.”

“You probably should.”

“Go.” The woman chuckled, playfully shoving him towards the kitchen archway. Max ‘harumphed’ and left the room. Sybil rolled her eyes. It was all just for show. The guy was a drama queen through and through. What had caught her eye were the muscles in Max’s shoulders. The habit leftover from her old job as a masseuse proved to be useful, for they were tense, almost like the lagomorph was preparing to fight.

Or flee.

Sybil reached over the side of the couch and pulled out the remote. After finding the device in Penny’s mouth one too many times, she’d decided to buy one of those stupid arm slings to hold it. Admittedly, it worked pretty well. She flicked the tv on, muting it before leaning to get comfortable. Flipping through channels, the woman looked for the right one. No, no, uggh, ah-ha! Now she could really get settled in.

Before she could really hunker down, Max slid in front of the flat screen. His back faced Sybil, pristine white fur now covered by a long-sleeved purple pajama shirt, both sleeves and matching pants rolled up. Bowl held over his head, he leaped back onto soft cushions, stray pieces flying to hit Sybil’s arm and leg. Her gaze traveled over Max and she stifled laughter with a hand as she saw what was hovering over his chest.

“Merry Christmas, Ho, Ho Hoes?” she read, giggles bursting through her fingertips. For the first time that night, Max’s smile turned genuine. The lagomorph puffed his chest out, pride radiating off his person.

“Jealous?” he nearly purred.

“Hardly.”

“Green doesn’t become you, Sybil.” Max sing-songed.

Said woman gasped. “I’ll have you know it brings out my eyes!”

“Whatever helps ya sleep at night!” Max shot back.

The two started at each other for a moment before bursting into hearty laughter. Some of the tension from before ebbed away as they clutched their quickly hurting middles. Wiping away small tears, she glanced over at her friend. A weight Sybil hadn’t known about lifted from her shoulders as the rabbit devolved into giggles, stray pieces of popcorn flying everywhere.

“You know,” Sybil scootched back to her side of the sofa, "I was wondering.”

“Bout what?” Max tossed a kernel and caught it with a loud crunch.

Sybil gestured towards the television. “Why Hallmark movies?” She tucked her legs under her. “I thought you hated those.”

Max froze, caught off-guard by the woman’s question. He recovered fast, face blank as his attention turned to the movie. The woman on the screen- the heroine, Sybil assumed- walked under a garden arch adorned with Christmas lights. A man followed close behind, a look of complete adoration gracing his features. Slowly, he plopped the dish onto the middle cushion.

“Yeah,” he brought his knees to his chest, “I do.”

“Then why…?”

Max buried himself in Sybil’s blanket. He placed his chin on his knees. “How long’ve we known each other, Sybil?”

Sybil tilted her head quizzically. “About two or three years now, I think.” She paused. “Why?”

Snow began falling in the movie. The woman laughed and pulled the man towards a tackily-decorated gazebo. He followed without fail, lips flapping as he probably spouted cheesy dialogue.

“It’s funny, ‘s all.” Max said, sad little smile on his muzzle. Sybil had a feeling he didn’t really mean it. “From what I remember, it’s been at least five. But then again,” the lagomorph tapped his head, “Never did have the best memory.”

“Don’t sell yourself short Max.” Sybil scooted closer and lightly placed a hand over Max’s. He flinched but didn’t move to rip the limb off. She took it as a good sign, welling with pride as she squeezed the paw. “You’re smarter than you think. But that’s not the real issue here, is it?”

“Dunno. You tell me Miss Psychotherapist.” The rabbit tried to crack a joke, but the woman wasn’t having it.

“Max.” she said, slightly increasing the pressure on his hand. By now the soon-to-be couple were sitting on a bench found in their temporary shelter, shoulders brushing while they talked. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. But know, as your friend, I’m here for you.”

Max tossed the words around in his head. He pulled his hand from Sybil’s and grabbed a mug from the table, whipped cream already melted into the warm cocoa. Holding it with both paws, the lagomorph took a deep breath.

“It happened a few years. You n’me were just fuckin’ around at one of our movie nights.” His grip tightened around the porcelain handle. “Landed on the channel and had the crappy idea to mute it and write our own story.” Patiently the woman waited as Max took another swig.

“Was so stupid.” the rabbit mumbled, corners of his mouth pulling up just so. “But fun. Were laughin’ our asses off by the end of the night. When I was ‘bout to leave, you suggested we do it every year and-“

“You wanted to keep the tradition going.” Sybil finished, voice wrought with understanding.

Max sent his friend a look, mouth shutting with a clack. “Somethin’ like that.” The rabbit’s gaze wandered back to the film, pang in his chest at the woman and man twining their fingers together. “Guess I just wanted something familiar in m’life.” he confessed.

Sybil peered at her friend intently. “…Have you told Sam?”

“Hell no!” Max said. “He’s the last one I wanna tell!”

“Is something going on between you two?”

“No.” he lied, thumb running over the edge of Sybil’s mug.

“Did he do anything? Because I know the guy can be dense sometimes-”

The lagomorph shook his head. “Yer readin’ too much int’ it Sybil.”

The heroine and hero were staring at each now, the camera rotating around the outside of the gazebo in a way that had to make some people sick.

“…Has he been distant lately?” Sybil tried, sadness clawing at her throat when Max’s ears pinned against his skull. “Do you know why?”

Max bit the inside of his cheek. “No. But what I do know,” the rabbit hugged the mug closer, “is that he’s been weird round me. It’s like…” he tugged at his pajama sleeves, racking his brain for the right words, “guy’s always on edge. Just yesterday me and Sam were caught n’ the middle of a few mafia goons.”

“Tis the season.” Sybil chimes in, prompting a snort from her friend.

“Bullets are flyin’ everywhere, the smell of gun smoke heavy in the air. I take two of ‘em down no prob but then,” Max furrows his brows, “then Sam just freezes up. Had ta save his sorry ass and off the rest myself. When I asked what happened, he tried to play it off like it was no big deal!”

“How long’s this been going on?”

“Not too long after we started dating.” The lagomorph sighed. At that moment, the man pointed out a sprig of mistletoe hung on the ceiling. Trapped like rats, the two hesitate but for a beat before kissing. “Makes me feel like, like-”

“You’re the problem.” 

Max pouted. “Stop that!”

Sybil chuckled. “Sorry. Force of habit. Still.” She placed a hand on Max’s shoulder. “You should tell him. You two may be terrible at talking about anything emotional, but Sam appreciates honesty.” The woman squeezed it and slid back to her claimed space. “He’ll listen. You’ve just gotta trap him somehow.”

[everybodyscupoftea]

Okay, we need some happy reader stories. Like reader, Tyler and Cody (and/or Zach) do some stupid funny stuff. Like someone gets a tattoo, piercing (perferb Cody) or something else wild. We need stories where she isn’t pining or moot about JJ. But of course, please include JJs jealous ass somewhere in there.

“duuuude,” cody slurred, “i had the best fuckin idea.”

you reached out to steady him and snorted, “what’s the idea?”

“i’m gonna get my nose pierced.”

“bet,” you challenged, “i’ll do mine if you do yours.”

he held his pinky out, “i promise, bitch. we go tomorrow.”

-

tyler let you in and you woke cody up at 12 p.m., excited. he groaned and cracked his eyes open a little bit, “whaaa?”

“wake up, bitch.”

“no.”

“yes, i have coffee, i picked up food, we’re going to get our noses pierced.”

cody frowned, “what?”

“you promised.”

“i was drunk.”

“fine,” you crossed your arms, “let me chop your pinky off.”

his brain struggled to process your words and tyler snorted from his bed, “bro, just get your nose pierced.”

“you get your nose pierced,” cody fired back, weakly.

tyler shook his head mockingly, “no bud, i didn’t make the promise.”

-

cody looked absolutely miserable in the parlor of the tattoo shop. tyler was standing in the corner, hands in his pockets, looking downright gleeful. zach leaned against the wall and asked, “nervous?”

“not nervous, hungover,” he muttered.

“please,” tyler scoffed, “you took three painkillers an hour ago, i know that shit has kicked in.”

blinking a few times, he glared at tyler, “you don’t know me.”

“bro i’ve known you for two and a half years, i’ve seen you hungover hundreds of times. i know hungover cody.”

“want me to call my mom,” you mocked, “maybe she can calm you down.”

“i’ll have you know, i will be telling her that you’ve been bullying me lately.”

“i’m her biological child,” you defended.

“and we both know she loves me better.”

“only because you’re willing to cook with her.”

“well maybe if you spend time with your family, you wouldn’t have to actually compete with me.”

before you could respond, the piercer called his name. you smirked as the blood drained from his face and he gulped, standing slowly. 

“you aren’t walking to your death, bro,” tyler told him.

“feels like it.”

the piercer looked amused, “do you want your friends to come with you?”

“no, they’re assholes.”

“the room is big enough if you all want to come,” she offered, looking at the three of you over his shoulder.

cody went first. he laid back on the table and he looked tense. tyler jokingly held out his hand, “no shame in holding it.”

staring at it for a few seconds, cody reached out and grabbed it before tyler took his hand back. he glanced over at zach, “yours too, bro?”

zach nodded excitedly and stood on the other side holding his hand out for cody to take. 

cody’s jaw dropped, “dude your hand is so big.”

“well you know what they say,” zach started and winked at him.

you laughed from your spot in the doorway and held up your phone, “smile, boys.”

“don’t put it on your story,” cody said, “i don’t want your mom to see.”

“too late.”

it was over fast. cody winced pretty hard, but stayed still enough for her to maneuver the jewelry into his nose.

“big ass nostrils,” you muttered and he glared at you.

“your turn,” the piercer waved you over and switched gloves before opening a new needle.

you sat down, waving the guys’ hands away.

“even mine?” zach asked with a pout.

“even yours,” you told him, admittedly not wanting them to know how sweaty your hands actually were. 

the piercer gave you a knowing look and lined everything up, letting you look in the mirror before finally doing it. it stung way more than you were expecting, and you hissed.

cody perked up, “ha!”

narrowing your eyes, you stared at him out of the corner of your eye, “don’t be rude.”

“no, you’ve been rude all morning.”

“i woke you up after noon today, you slept through the entire morning.”

cody waved his hand, “semantics. the point stands, you’ve bullied me, now sit through my bullying.”

before answering, your phone lit up that jj had sent you a snap.

“open it,” you told cody while the piercer started trying to get the nose ring to sit properly.

“he said damn, no invite huh what should i say?”

“tell him damn spend some actual time at home so you get an invite then.”

“get him,” tyler replied, holding his fist out for you to bump.

“well, it’s true.”

“haven’t seen jj in a while,” zach mused, “what’s he been up to?”

“fuck if i know,” tyler sighed, “he’s barely home.”

“look,” cody said, “you didn’t hear it from me, but him and brooke are having serious problems.”

“what?” you asked, shocked.

“yeah, and he’s like at his wit’s end.”

tyler nodded, “we might get maybank back soon.”

“fingers crossed,” zach added.

[thetriggeredhappy]

sniperscout week day 2 ft. trying to format and play among us at the same time

Day 2: Meet Cute

@sniperscout-ship-week

The Sniper looked up as the doors swung open, a gaggle of people moving through them, some towards waiting cars, some towards the parking lot, some towards the line of taxis waiting outside. He scanned the crowd, trying to spot any of the distinguishing features he’d been told about, sifting through the visual of various men in suits and women in skirts and dresses and elderly folks and small families until finally his eyes landed on one sole man, standing with his back straight and his eyes nearly shielded entirely from view by a baseball cap emblazoned with the logo of some American sports team or another. Baseball, maybe?

He scanned the line of cars, sweeping back and forth a few times, until that pair of narrowed eyes finally swept far enough to one side to land on him. A blink, a visible brightening of his posture as the kid gave him a brief up-and-down, a goofy grin.

And damn, kid really was the word to describe him. He looked like he could be in his late teens, practically, even though gossip around base was that their newest teammate was somewhere in his mid-twenties. And he wasn’t particularly muscular, at least not from what Sniper could tell, and the way he moved as he walked over was so casual, nothing like the walk of their standard hired killer. No glances over his shoulder, clearly not strapped, probably not even carrying a knife, just walking straight up to him.

“Yo, uh,” he opened with, and his tone was easygoing enough, voice louder than expected, “are you uh, that guy that Miss... Pauling, right? That Miss Pauling sent?”

He looked at the kid. “Just get in the van,” he said flatly, and stood up to move around to the driver’s side.

By the time he opened his door, the kid had just popped open his own, looked a little nervous. He was tapping a little rhythm into the door with his fingers. “Uh, pretty sure I heard somethin’ in school about not gettin’ in random dudes’ vans, at least once or twice,” he half-joked, glancing around the inside of the van. “Especially dudes who might, y’know, maybe be armed.”

“I’m definitely armed,” Sniper deadpanned, buckling his seatbelt. “I’m also the one driving you to the base. Now get in the van.”

Somewhere between him sticking the keys in the ignition and checking his left mirror, the kid got in the car, buckled his seatbelt, deposited his bag at his feet, and kicked his feet up onto the dash. He was working on rolling the window down by the time Sniper glanced over the check the right mirror, tapping a rhythm into his own leg now. Quicker than he’d expected. He took mental note of that fact. “So, uh,” the kid said, leaning to look back out the window towards the doors of the airport, “is that Pauling lady not gonna show up? She driving separate?”

“She’s at the base,” Sniper said, trying to figure o it what accent the kid had as he pulled out of the line of cars. East Coast, he knew. What was that city called?

“Okay. So are you one of those dudes I’m supposed to be workin’ with? Because she kinda mentioned that I’m gonna be on like a team with people but she didn’t name any names and she said she’s not on that team, so are you one of those guys or are you just kind of a paper-pusher too? Or do you drive full time maybe? Weird that they’d give you a freakin’ camper-van for that, like, what if you gotta drive a couple people at once, you could get maybe two other people in here, or is this not a camper-van? Is it like, weapons and shit in the back? That’d be pretty sweet—“

“Sniper,” he cut in.

“Huh?”

“I’m the Sniper. On the team,” Sniper said, still mentally trying to catch up with what all the kid was saying. “We’ve all got titles. Don’t use real names. Got yours yet?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m uh—“ He stopped to fish through his bag, coming up with some half-crumpled papers, squinted at them. “Uhhh, the uh... Renconin—no, uh, Reconescent and—and Scouting Specialize—uh, Specialite—no, wait—okay, y’know what? Scout. I’m the Scout.”

He wondered, brow furrowing, if the paper was too crumpled to read, or if the jostling of the van was throwing him off, or if the Scout just couldn’t read. “Awright. Scout it is,” he shrugged.

“Hell yeah,” he said cheerfully, sifting back comfortably in the seat again, tossing the papers back down with his bag.

The question was burning a hole through his tongue. “How old are you, exactly?”

“Twenty-three,” he said, and out of the corner of his eye Sniper could see that he was making a face. “And yeah, yeah, I know, look way younger than that, whatever, but it’s totally true. Practically twenty-four, even! Birthday’s only two months out.”

He side-eyed the man, but decided to drop it. Apparently, the Scout didn’t.

“What about you, huh?” he prodded. “Probably like thirty-five, right? Forty?”

“Late twenties,” he said dryly, not particularly wanting to get specific.

“You’re kiddin’!” He leaned over the gearshift to elbow him in the upper arm, and Sniper tensed up at it. “Hey, it’ll be nice havin’ a younger guy around, huh?”

Sniper stared out the windshield and didn’t make eye contact.

“So what’re the rest of the guys like? They cool?” he prodded further.

“We get there in half an hour, you’ll meet them yourself.”

“Yeah, but it’d be nice to know what to expect, y’know?” The kid started fishing through his bag for something. “Any of ‘em Australian like you?”

“No,” Sniper said, voice flat. He paused for a second. “Few Americans, few Europeans, a Russian, one person who we aren’t sure about. Think they’re all at least mid-thirties, oldest nearly fifty. And none of them would be this patient with your bloody badgering, so I’d recommend being a little quieter once we get there. Already I’m about three questions away from leaving you on the side of the road with a map and making you walk.”

The Scout laughed, as if he was joking, and leaned forward to fiddle with the radio, eventually finding a station that was playing music and cracking the tab on the can of soda he’d apparently had in his bag. It was mostly quiet the remainder of the drive.

-

“Badgering, you said.”

“Did not,” Sniper mumbled.

“You absolutely did!”

Scout managed to roll over onto his front without elbowing Sniper in any soft tissues, the tiny camper-van bed making any maneuvering at all a bit of a challenge, looking up at him with that goofy grin he’d become so familiar with.

“Still annoyed about my badgering?” Scout chirped.

“What do you think?” Sniper drawled, fighting to hide the little upwards tick of the corner of his mouth that always gave him away. From the little huff of a laugh that Scout gave, apparently he didn’t quite manage it.

“What was your deal, anyways?” Scout asked, shifting a little to get more comfortable. “Like, even knowin’ you a little better now I’m pretty sure you had to be in a pretty bad mood that day.”

Sniper exhaled, trying to stretch his memory back that far. It had been a few years by then, and admittedly, his memory was a little fuzzy. “Wasn’t exactly thrilled about the growing trend of me being the team driver,” he said, reasonably sure that was accurate. “Especially such a long drive.”

“Would’ve been a shorter drive if you’d gone over the speed limit,” Scout mumbled.

Sniper shot him a look, albeit with an undercurrent of amusement. “We’re not having this argument again,” he deadpanned.

“No, for sure we’re not. It’s just funny is all that you still use your turn signal in the middle of the open freakin’ desert with no other cars around—“

“Awright, if you’re gonna get on my case for being a safe driver—“

“We’re mercenaries, Snipes, Jesus Christ, what’re they gonna do, pull you over? Are one of the dozens of cops that don’t fuckin’ exist out here gonna pull you over? It’s so ridiculous, why wouldn’t you just speed up—“

Sniper leaned in and cut him off with a firm kiss on the lips, and the second Scout processed it he was leaning into it, argument almost instantly forgotten in lieu of trying to get an arm up over Sniper’s shoulders. When they parted again, a few seconds later, Scout’s grin said that he’d effectively forgotten what they were just talking about.

Or he’d figured, anyways. Because after a few seconds of looking at each other, Scout spoke. “Badgering, you said.”

Sniper picked up the pillow from behind his head and shoved it in Scout’s face, making him squawk in indignance, and tried his damndest not to smile. Unfortunately, that trick hadn’t worked for quite some time.