#yeah well buddy you literally ate my cousin (get fucked)

[perdvivly]

Imagine you’re an Ithacan, after ten years in this miserable war, you’re finally heading home. Your best buddies who didn’t die in the war immediately go and get addicted to heroin and the king has you literally drag them back to the ship so you can get going again. And then pretty much immediately you stop at this big guy with one eye’s house and he starts fucking eating your remaining friends. Luckily your king has the good sense to lie to this guy about who you are, and thanks to him doing a “who’s on first” bit you somehow manage to get out with your skin in tact. And then *as you’re leaving* your king turns around and gives this guy his full name and address. And you’re like, “what the fuck?�� But he *did* manage to get you out of there so you’re still pretty grateful.

And then you get back to going home and on your way the king decides to stop off at this wind Lord guy “Aeolus” house for a few days to get his bearings and recover from the massive shitstorm you just went through. And your king goes off into a secret room with this guy and comes back with a bag and you’re like “what’s in the bag?” And he’s all like “oh, it’s the wind. Yeah, we should just be able to head back now” and you’re pretty sure he’s lying because he’s got a bit of a reputation for it at this point and also you know how bags work, they do NOT contain all of the wind. And this guy keeps on bragging about how he’s the best in the world at lying and you think maybe it’s a bit of a compulsion for him at this point. But, whatever, you figure he’ll tell you in a couple of days.

And then you get back to going home again and the king doesn’t tell you what’s in the bag. And at this point you convince yourself it’s probably something really valuable and he’s lying about it so that he can keep it all for himself and like, fuck that noise. You just spent 10 years in a war for this guy, the least he could do is share some of his treasure with you. So just as you’re arriving back on the shores of Ithaca you decide to open the bag. And what’s inside? The fucking wind. And it blows you all the way back to Aeolus.

It be so mad.

(And then Aeolus decides not to help you out again because he heard about what you did to the big one eyed guy who *literally ate your fucking friends* and he’s decided that somehow you’re the asshole in that interaction)

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

🚨Warnings: Light p in v smut. Some angst. Lots of fluff. My grandfather’s name really is in the Smithsonian.🚨

Plain Gold Ring V:

Exactly Like You

“I know why I waited

Know why I've been blue

I've been waiting each day

For someone exactly like you” - Nina Simone

——————————————————————

Your last day in D.C. felt like the last day of your life. This life. Every article of clothing was packed. Every knickknack and tchotchke sent with the movers. You were ready for your next life. Did your next life include Andy?

The weather was beautiful. Sunny. Not too hot. You and Andy had planned on spending it outside seeing the sites. He had never toured any of the museums. You invited Jacob along. The second you said it you wished you hadn’t. You felt like a home wrecker even though Andy promised Jacob wouldn’t see you that way.

Andy was bristling with excitement. “He’s going to love you, baby.” You were not great with kids. You actively chose not to have them. You loved your nieces from a distance when they were little. Now that they are teenagers you feel a little more at ease with them. You are their cool rich aunt who spends an absolutely outrageous amount of money on them when you visit. You nearly fainted when Andy asked if you’d like to have children.

“Aren’t I too old for that?”

“You’re only three years younger than me. I know a lot of women who had their career before they had a family.” Your face snapped from terrified to anger real quick, “Not that you can’t have a career and be a mother. People do it everyday. Shut up, Andy.”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous. Have you thought of having children with me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, yeah. I’d like to have a couple more.”

“Oh. A couple he says.” You could feel the hives forming. “This seems like a good conversation to have right before I leave.”

He ran his hands up and down your arms. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pressure you. You haven’t thought about it? Not even a little?” The door buzzed in the nick of time.

“Jacob’s here! Hallelujah!” You wiggled out of his arms to grab your shoes.

He laughed shaking his head. “We’ll finish this conversation later, young lady.” he pressed the intercom button, “Hey come on up, buddy. This is going to be great, honey.” He loved your nervous laugh and the way you fidgeted with your fingers. Just the fact that you were nervous told him you would love his son.

You heard voices coming from the living area. Fucking hell. Was that Lori? You contemplated going out of the window. You went into the bathroom to grab some lip balm. You knew full well that it was in your bag on the kitchen island. You were just staying out of their way. When you heard the front door close you reemerged.

“Ready to go?” Your eyes were wide and you were way too smiley. If Andy didn’t know better he would think you were on drugs.

“Yeah. I think no more coffee for you ok?”

“It’s nice to see you again, Miss Y/N.” Jacob extended his hand.

“Nice to see you too. So! The Smithsonian. What part are you most interested in seeing?”

“Air and space I think.”

“Then that’s where we’ll start. My grandfather’s name is actually on a plaque. I’ll show you. He was in the navy and built planes that were used in Korea I think. And my dad’s picture is there. He works for a division of NASA back in Louisiana where I’m from. He developed this little part of the rocket booster. He’s literally a rocket scientist.”

“That’s really cool. I’d love to meet him sometime…..”

Andy was loving every second of this. You and Jacob really got along. You were making plans to visit your father and stepmother over the summer and maybe hit the beach in Florida. Jacob’s face lit up at the prospect of meeting your family. Both Andy and Lori were only children. Jacob didn’t grow up with cousins or really any kids his own age outside of school. He seemed pretty comfortable with the idea of you and Andy together.

Andy tested the waters a little by holding your hand. Jacob didn’t seem to notice. By the time you got to the next part of the museum he had his arms around your waist. He even kissed you a couple of times. Nothing but a tender peck here and there. Jacob didn’t seem to mind when he showed you affection.

After lunch Andy dropped you off and then ran Jacob back home.

“So, what are you thinking?” Andy asked with nervous trepidation.

“The museum was cool. I really liked the rockets. It’s cool that Y/N’s dad made those.”

“Did you like Y/N?”

“Yeah. Sucks she’s moving. Do you think you’ll move to Chicago too?”

“Kind of depends on you, bud. I know you’re getting older and you don’t need Dad around very much anymore. I don’t want to miss anything. You’re my only baby.”

“I could spend summers with you. You look really happy. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. Even before the trial. I’d miss you but you should be happy.”

The whole way inside Jacob talked about you. He clammed up when Lori walked in.

“Hey, guys. Did you have a good time?” She kissed Jacob on the forehead.

“We had a great time. Ok, Jake. You have the number where I’ll be. I’ll be back on Wednesday. If you’re not busy next weekend you can spend the night. I have your room all set up. Love you.”

“Ok. Love you. Have a safe flight. Tell Y/N I said bye.” He escaped to his room before the arguing started.

“If it’s ok I’ll pick him up from school Thursday. Did you sign the papers?”

“She went with you?” Her voice was deadly quiet.

“She did.”

“Didn’t want to tell me that before hand I guess.”

He sighed and wiped his face with his hands, “I’ll have him back Sunday night. See you later.”

“Fuck you, Andy. You can’t even give me the courtesy of telling me my son would be meeting his father’s whore!”

He slammed his fist on the counter, “Did you sign the papers or not?” She threw the manilla envelope at him.

“They’re signed.” He took the papers and walked out slamming the door. He contemplated moving again. He has a month to month lease on his place. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find a job. He knew Jacob would be fine. Chicago was looking better and better. After all the baby talk this morning he wouldn’t burden you with anything else domestic for today.

——————————————————————

You were zipping your last suitcase when you heard Andy come in. You packed all of your sleep clothes so you were wearing Andy’s t-shirt and panties. Dinner was ordered and he had a drink waiting on the counter. He called out for you. When you rounded the corner into the living room he caught you in his arms.

“Hey, handsome.” you cooed in his ear. He nuzzled your neck and stroked your back. “You ok? Was Jacob….he hates me. I knew it.”

He tightened his hold on you, “Honey, he loved you. He talked about you the whole way back.”

“Then why is your face all worried?”

“Because I’m keenly aware that this is our last night together in my place. That when I come home Wednesday you won’t be here. I’ll go to work on Thursday and Jeremy will be in your office. I have really good memories in that office and now they’re ruined. I don’t want to wake up without you.”

His hands traveled up your bare back then back down to cup your ass. “The delivery app says they’re going to be here in twenty minutes. Think you can finish in time?”

He lowered his head between your breasts and nodded yes. Before you knew it your panties were off, his pants were down and he was fucking you against the wall. His pace was relentless. You hooked your ankles at the small of his back and leaned back so you could rub your clit. Your fingertips brushed against his dick every time he pumped in and out of your cunt. You both came in fifteen minutes.

You ate dinner on the veranda loving the cool breeze on your bare skin. As much as he wanted his t-shirt to smell like you, he like naked picnics way more. Admittedly, a big chicken Caesar salad wasn’t the sexiest food in the world. Still didn’t stop him from licking dressing off of your chest when it dropped off your fork. He was determined to fuck you in almost every room in this place.

You slept tangled and sticking together all night. You had finally gotten over your need for bed space. You’d miss it when he wasn’t there. All night the two of you wanted to bring up moving in together. Neither of you had the guts to say it. You didn’t want to beat a dead horse. He didn’t want to freak you out. Good thing you’d be long distance for a while to work on your communication skills.

——————————————————————

Your new place was beautiful. You rented a big new condo close to Millennial Park. Your office was on Michigan Ave so you weren’t far from there thought walking was highly discouraged. It wouldn’t be possible in heels anyway.

You and Andy worked diligently unpacking and cleaning. When the last box was unpacked and broken down you both collapsed on the couch. “I feel disgusting.”

“You have that nice big bathtub. Bet we can both fit.” He raised an eyebrow at you and nudged your side.

“You are insatiable, Mr. Barber. Whatever will I do without you?”

“You’ll bust from horniness. Come on.” He hoisted you up from your comfy spot and pulled you into the bathroom. While he undressed you filled the water with soft musky oils and some bubble bath. You lit candles and eased in to relax. He washed your hair massaging your scalp with his fingertips. He held you in the warmth until your fingers and toes were pruned.

For the rest of the week, if you were sitting it was on Andy’s lap. If you were sleeping it was in his arms. By Tuesday morning, you had both finished up conference calls and responding to emails. You had cleared the rest of your day to spend together.

As the sunlight dwindled it had become harder and harder to part. You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to have the conversation you had been dreading since you stepped off the plane.

“Andy, I don’t want to sound like a nagging girlfriend but, I really want you to move in with me. I know it would be so hard leaving Jacob but I have plenty of room. He can spend every summer here if he wants. I’d love to have him. I feel really strongly that this is leading somewhere. I’ll even talk about babies if you want.”

His heart was bursting. You kept rambling on trying to convince him. Little did you know he was already convinced. “Stan is going to kill you.” He laughed and pulled you onto his lap. “Give me a few weeks to wrap up everything.”

When you dropped him at the airport there were tears but you knew you’d see him soon. “I love you, baby. I’ll call you as soon as I land.” He kissed you like he would never get to do it again.

“I love you too. See you soon.” He smiled through his tears.

“See you soon.”

——————————————————————

That weekend he spent all of his time with Jacob. He planned on spending every moment he could with his son. Jacob even had his first few weeks planned starting with meeting your family in Louisiana.

When he brought Jacob home on Sunday he worked up the courage to tell Lori the news. “Do you have all of your stuff for your English assignment? If not I can bring it by before school tomorrow.”

“I got it, dad. I had fun this weekend.” They hugged. He smelled Jacob’s hair and kissed him.

“Love you. Be good for mom.”

“Love you too!”

Lori stood in the doorway with her arms folded protectively over her chest. “So she’s gone?”

“Yep.”

“So what now? What does this mean for you?”

He pulled out the kitchen chair and rested his head in this hands. “This wasn’t a fling, Lori. I’m moving to Chicago. Jacob is real excited about spending summers with us.”

“Do you love her?” Tears shimmered in her eyes and her voice wavered. It would be cruel to lie to her.

“Very much.” It stung to hear. With nothing left to say Andy stood to leave.

“Andy!” she called after him. When he turned she wrapped him in a hug. The two of them embraced for several minutes.

When he stepped onto the sidewalk outside of the building his phone buzzed in his pocket. He saw your face smiling back at him.

“Hey, baby. How was your day?” He looked up at your old window and thought of how the two of you started, the past he left behind and smiled at the sound of his future on the other end of the line.

[bigbrotherlouis]

the bag of chips scene from 'i ate you up the day we first spoke' for the director's cut meme!

whoohoo i actually loved writing this scene and i’m so glad someone asked about it yeeee

(director’s cut meme)

everything eases back into normal. tk picks nolan up for practice, because nolan’s car is inexplicably always out of gas, (this is true, i read an article about it somewhere) and ties nolan’s ties for him on game days, and follows him into his living room to eat all the good snacks nolan hides on increasingly higher shelves.

“how did you even get those?” he asks when he comes out of the washroom and finds travis eating illegal all-dressed his mom had sent down in his last care package. he’s pretty sure they were hidden, like, on top of the cupboards this time. he literally had to throw them up there. (food, when you move countries, is a really big deal. i always want to keep the mutlicultural aspect of a lot of hockey players in mind, because i was a young multicutural person in the united states, and home foods is usually a good way to do it. all-dressed are pretty distinctly canadian, and my cousin gets her parents to send them to her in california, so i borrowed that from her. also i liked the image of TK climbing on the counters to try and get at a bag of chips.)

tk shrugs and crams a handful of chips into his mouth. “smart thinking.”

“those are mine.”

“i don’t see you eating them,” tk says smugly and nolan thinks about it for precisely point two seconds before he launches himself at the sofa. (no thoughts, head empty)

it’s a familiar ritual, this one. tk cackles, going limp so he can noodle off the cushions onto the floor, the bag still clamped in his hand. he scrabbles backwards until he’s out of reach of nolan’s admittedly long arms.

“sucks to suck, babe,” he gloats, except nolan is not emphatically giving up, those are his chips, and he’s not going to let his idiot of a best friend eat them all. tk grunts when nolan lands on his lower half, hard, and pins down his legs so he can’t escape. he sits on tk’s knees and ignores the yelling. (travis “has never shut up once in his life” konecny strikes again)

“mine,” he says savagely, snatching the bag out of his hands. tk huffs, shoving at his legs.

“it’s rude— not to— share— fuck, patty, what are you doing in the gym?”

“some of us don’t skip leg day.”

“yeah, well, some of us aren’t built like a fuckin’ ox,” tk complains, as if he’s not just as in shape as nolan is. “i can’t even fuckin’ pinch you because you’re wearing jeans.”

“now who’s the smart think—  fuck!” (not you, pat. not tk either but still not you.) he shouts, flinching and rubbing at his side. that pinch is definitely going to bruise. tk uses it as a distraction to roll them, nolan’s shoulders thudding painfully against the floor, and straddles nolan’s stomach with his thighs. there’s another struggle but tk gets hold of nolan’s arms, pins them under his knees so nolan’s fists are at his sides. he’s effectively trapped. (too many nolans but what do you do when writing m/m. also this isn’t specific to this scene, but especially in hockey with all its nicknames, i like to write people’s internal narrative with whatever name they probably think of themselves as. that’s why nolan isn’t pat/patty here, and why tk is usually not travis)

“still me,” tk says, grinning at him with undisguised glee. he works the chips free and sits up, putting his weight just under nolan’s ribs so all the breath gets knocked out of him for a second.

“fucker,” nolan hisses, trying and failing to wriggle his way out. “what the fuck, teeks?”

“that’s what you get for not growing up with brothers, bro. gotta fight to survive. survival skills.”

“bud, you don’t even know. sisters have nails and they’re not fucking afraid to use them,” nolan says, his best murder glare in effect. he probably still has the scars in some places. (i know i do) tk snorts.

“sorry, i don’t see you scratching me here,” he says.  

“let me go and i’ll scratch you up real good,” he threatens and then his brain catches up with his mouth, his face going red as he realises what he’s maybe implied. “uh.”

tk doesn’t take the obvious chirp, just raises an eyebrow. there’s a considering look on his face, one that makes nolan want to squirm more and it settles somewhere down deep in his stomach. (so i wrote this scene because i needed a turn for both of them, relationship-wise. iirc, there’s been a few places where tk’s interest might be noticeable, but nothing super concrete for pat or for the reader. meanwhile, on tk’s side, he needed clear signals that pat’s into him before he tries to tell him again.)

“uh,” he says again because his brain is just fucking offline and his arms are still locked under travis’ legs and travis burns hot because nolan can feel it against his skin, through his t-shirt, and this is all going to get incredibly, incredibly awkward in about three seconds. (unfortunately, i love a good run-on sentence to build tension) he’s pretty sure popping a boner because a teammate is sitting on you is, like, not something you can get away with by laughing.

tk shifts, sitting up the tiniest bit, and reaches out the hand that’s not currently occupied with the fuckin’ chips— probably all crushed to hell now, anyway (foreshadowing!! also strategic last mention here so we know that tk is still holding them, and then they aren’t mentioned until the shoe drops for optimal dramatic effect) — and brushes his fingers against nolan’s cheek. he traces the blush from his cheekbone carefully down his neck, pausing to thumb at his jaw, and then bumps his fingers against his collar, where it disappears down into his shirt. (i really liked building the tension here. also this is fully just projection bc i would love to touch patty’s blush once in my life)

“you’re glowing, pat,” he says, so soft, and it makes nolan go redder. he glowers at a spot by tk’s ear, unwilling to look him in the face and see whatever is written there. (would tk actually tell nolan he’s glowing? probably not, but fictionally it gives the reader a good picture of what nolan looks like to someone else. i didn’t want to overuse red-- which didn’t quite feel like a strong enough word-- or blush, so glowing it was.) tk hooks his index into the collar and there’s a moment when nolan thinks he’s going to pull it down, see if his blush goes all the way down his chest— it does, if he’s embarrassed enough. it’s fucking terrible— and he turns his head away, dragging in a breath through his nose. he’s, like, so incredibly fucked that he can’t even think about it without going dizzy. (you’ll probably see this a lot if you look for it in my writing, but i like to add in a “like” or something similarly bro-ish when things get particularly emotionally fraught, to keep it more realistic. also i think it’s funny. anyway, i like the contrast of tk not being able to take his eyes away from something he wanted and nolan not being able to look at it. characterisation, wahey!) it’s better to just not look.

of course, it’s the exact opposite of what tk wants.

“hey,” he says. “look at me.”

nolan refuses, a muscle ticking in his jaw. (this is hot to me idc) tk lets go of his collar to pull on his hair instead, just a little tug of a piece by his ear, and nolan can’t quite bite back the punched-out sound that he lets out. (also hot.)

“look at me,” tk says again, an edge to his voice, and nolan does. tk won’t stop until he does, he knows that well enough. (another look at their dynamic and how well they know each other) he lifts his chin, just a tiny bit, because he’s not going to do anything without a fight. tk’s hand tightens in his hair and it keeps him in place, nailed— ha— to the floor. (i write for the people whose brains make inappropriate jokes at the wrong moments) he couldn’t move if he wanted to, watches helplessly as tk leans down.

the hope in his chest is so thick, nolan thinks it might actually smother him, stop his heart. he’s breathing fast and shallow, almost on the verge of panting, and jesus fuck, isn’t that embarrassing. he’s so desperate, he could squirm with it and he briefly remembers travis months ago, writhing on his very rug and how much nolan wanted to help. he can smell snow again, sharp in the back of his nose. (this does the double work of calling back to an earlier scene-- ya girl loves a good callback-- and also building the anticipation some more. the snow reference reminds the reader that this is still a werewolf au, even in the midst of this. also, once when i was like fifteen, i read something about how to write kisses/romance and it talked about picking one or two aspects of the kiss to focus on-- breathing, hands, the feeling of someone’s mouth, etc. i still use that advice.)

tk shifts his weight and nolan has enough time to think holy fuck, is this happening? before travis fucking konecny upends the bag of all dressed-flavoured crumbs all over his face. (OKAY a lot going on here! it’s one of my favourite moments, really. first of all, here’s the resolution of all the chips talk! sure, i could’ve just abandoned them, but the subverting of expectations was a lot more fun and the story still wasn’t quite ready for them to kiss yet. second, this is tk chickening out. he had two choices and he chose violence. or, like, the buddies option, which is amusing to me because this is not buddies, boys. finally, the full name was necessary to convey nolan’s disappointment and anger, as was the full description of the chips. nolan is upset, and he’s going to notice these things, and that shows up in his internal narrative.)

“got ‘em,” he crows over nolan’s sputtering, letting himself get bucked off onto the floor. nolan wipes furiously at his face, all his feelings a confusing mix of horny and angry and confused, all with the thick overtone of humiliation.

“you’re a fucking dick,” he says and it’s flat, but tk is gloating too much to care. (he’s not, he’s trying to cover, but nolan’s too embarrassed to realise)

“you should’ve seen your face, pat.”

nolan glares daggers at the carpet, the chips spread out everywhere. it’s going to be a bitch to clean up. tk had better help. (makes sure the punch landed, and to give a final resolution.)

he leans against the sofa and waits for tk to tire himself out, listening to the laughter and trying not to get too angry or, like, cry. his neck feels hot, prickling uneasily. he rubs at it with his hand, startles when tk kicks him gently in the ankle. (in order for tk to not come out of this looking like an asshole, i needed him to make up his obliviousness by being observant in other times. and in order for tk to notice patty being mad, i needed to give patty actions that could be noticed, like not laughing along with the joke)

“sorry if i made you mad,” tk says quietly, all the giggles finally worked out of him. “you looked tense (no shit bud) and i thought it would make you laugh.”

it’s not tk’s fault nolan thought he was gonna, like, kiss him. (”like” again, to break up a too-honest moment) it was a dick move but tk doesn't have a cruel bone in his body, so: “it’s fine,” he mumbles and shrugs his shoulder. “it was funny.”

tk preens for a second. “i know.”

“you owe me a bag now.”

“i’ll buy you a family-sized pack. i’m sure they’ll ship it down here, amazon or ups or somethin’.” (patty’s attempting to be normal and tk is attempting to make amends.)

nolan nods and scratches at his face, tipping his head against the couch cushions. (little motions like him scratching his face aren’t super necessary for like plot or development, but it helps humanize characters and i like to add them in whenever i can, as long as it’s not overkill. they can also be helpful in pointing to emotional state without directly saying it.) it’s quiet for a few seconds, just the sound of them breathing heavier than usual, and it would be so normal. should be normal, by all counts, but nolan still kind of wants to crawl into a hole for while. wants to push tk out of the apartment and eat ice cream and google ‘how to stop a crush,’ like his sisters used to do when they were upset. he’s already googled it, a few days ago, and there was nothing but maybe someone’s offered good advice since then. (people make an impact on you, and family even more so, and i always like reminders of how close nolan seems to be with his sisters. also, it’s funny.)

tk flicks him on the wrist. (this is something that tk does consistently through the story, and even though it’s not super important to this scene, it establishes a behaviour in the larger story. that’s important too!)

“pat,” he says and it sounds it’s not the first time. nolan blinks.

“yeah?”

“i just asked you if you were hungry.”

“oh. uh. no, not really,” he answers truthfully. tk wrinkles his nose.

“do you, like, have anything in your fridge to eat?”

“mm, probably not.”

“typical,” tk mutters under his breath, as if he ever has anything regularly stocked besides protein powder and bacon. (protein rich foods that are easy to eat after a full moon, or after a workout) at least nolan has eggs pretty consistently. (also a protein rich food that’s less easy to eat after a full moon, but are easy to make when you aren’t a werewolf) “wanna go get sushi?”

nolan thinks about it. shoves his sweaty hair behind his ear and considers going out to their favourite place and pretending he’s not still fucking mortified. and, like, a little turned on. it makes him nauseous. (i get such physical reactions to emotional things that i write everyone into having them) 

“no,” he says. he’s not facing tk but he can still see him deflate, his shoulders hunching over. “i don’t— no.”

“okay. that’s… okay.”

“i think i’m getting a migraine,” lies nolan. “think i’m just gonna lay down.”

“do you need me to stay with you? keep you company?”

nolan’s shaking his head before tk even finishes the thought. “no, trav. i’m fine, i promise.” (the trav here works as a signal that something isn’t right! it’s why tk looks at him for so long in the next line.)

tk studies him for a long minute, his eyes searching the side of patty’s face presented to him. nolan keeps his expression as blank as possible and stares hard at his feet.

“text me if you need anything,” he says finally, the words coming out slow and gentle. it’s a lot to handle. “i’ll come back.”

“i know. i will.” he won’t, but that’s not for tk to know. he doesn’t move when tk goes out the door, squeezes his eyes shut when the door doesn’t slam into its frame, (tk’s taking care of him, still!) and decides to leave the pile of crumbs to deal with later. (the climax of this scene happened a while ago so this is another little reminder of what happened, just so it’s solidified in the reader’s head after the longish comedown. i end scenes a LOT like this-- two actions, and then a callback-- because they’re simple and effective, and usually sound great!)  /fin

ahh thank you so much for asking!! this was really fun to, like, process through and remember my logic for! i was actually really nervous writing this scene, because i knew the tension and the break had to be PERFECT for it to land right. but i do like how it turned out so at least there’s that. ily!!

[antiquecompass]

Look, I was never going to get the Day Thirteen: Cultivation theme to fit into this AU so instead have this very tongue in cheek ficlet.

“Bromance my ass. In no believable world are those two ‘just friends,’” Jingyi said.

“The themes we’re supposed to analyze are ties of friendship, loyalty, and family. Not the clear subtext that the two lead characters are obviously fucking,” Jin Ling said.

“Not obviously. I mean, where would they find the time between the fighting and the more fighting and the near-fatal wounds, and the actual wounds, and the whole mourning and rebirth thing,” Zizhen argued.

“Wills and ways, Zizhen,” Jin Ling shot back.

The boys fell silent as a door loudly banged open in the Lan-Wei mansion. Loud footfalls and a pained groan echoed through the hallways until a ghoul emerged, hair messy, stringy, and greasy, pajama pants wrinkled, and a once white t-shirt now stained with coffee.

Jingyi shrugged and turned back to the show they were supposed to be watching for their Film and Lit class. He’d seen Sizhui’s dad look much worse. Zizhen and Jin Ling kept staring as Mr. Lan-Wei wandered into the kitchen, threw open the freezer, rustled around in the cutlery drawer, than emerged with a pint of Americone Dream and a confused look on his face.

“Jingyi?” he asked.

“Sir?”

“Where are my husband and child?”

“Target run.” Jingyi glanced up from the screen. “Apparently <i>someone</i> ate all of Cousin Zhan’s Kit-Kat stash.”

Wei Wuxian looked down at his ice cream. “Look, I crave sugar when I’m stressed. I needed the energy. I was on a deadline.”

“All excuses for your husband, sir,” Jingyi said. “Perhaps don’t break into his candy stash right before the end of the grading period next time?”

“Hmm,” Wei Wuxian agreed.

“May I suggest a shower before they return? At the very least some mouthwash?”

“That bad?”

Jin Ling and Jingyi nodded, but Zizhen was kind enough to only wince.

“Fine, okay.” He shoved his ice cream at Jingyi. “Finish this. I’ll go--wait, what are you boys watching?”

“No,” Jingyi said, trying to cut off the distraction.

“It’s a Chinese web series for our Film and Lit class. Miss Graves offered it as an extra credit assignment, since we apparently can’t read the literature. But she has us doing analytical essays on the thematic subjects,” Zizhen said.

“Really,” Wei Wuxian said as he almost sat down.

Jingyi quickly shoved the ice cream into Jin Ling’s hands and grabbed Wei Wuxian’s arms.

“Cousin Wuxian, I love and respect you, but I love, respect, and fear your husband and son more. They made me promise that if you emerged from your office that I was to get you to, at the very least, brush your teeth and drink a liter of water. So, please, go.”

“But this is interesting.”

Jingyi held up his phone. “Please don’t make me make that call.”

“I can always bring Fairy in from the patio,” Jin Ling offered.

“Fine! I’m going,” Wei Wuxian said, even though he stomped up the stairs much like Jin Ling’s youngest brother.

The boys remained quiet until the grumbling and stomps grew distant enough.

“Wow,” Zizhen said.

“What the fuck was that?” Jin Ling asked.

Jingyi took back the ice cream and sighed. “That, boys, is why you <i>don’t</i> wait until your deadline to finish the last entire quarter of your novel.” He shook his head. “Every single time and he doesn’t learn.”

He pressed ‘play’ and the show started again, where the two main leads were staring meaningfully at each other, as if no one else existed, while their theme music swelled. 

“Oh ,come the fuck on,” Jingyi said. “How is <i>that</i> just buddies? They’re surrounded on all sides by dudes with swords, but nah, we’re just going to stand here and smile at each other while our lives are in grave danger. It’s the kind of stupid shit that idiots in love do.”

“Aren’t you one of those idiots?” Jin Ling asked.

Jingyi nodded. “And I totally blank out on the rest of the world when Sizhui smiles at me like that so, yeah, I am and I know that look, and that is not just bros.”

“To be fair, you and Sizhui were just friends for a really long time,” Zizhen said as he jotted something down on his page of highly detailed notes.

“Yeah, how did you figure out your feelings changed? Jin Ling asked.

Jingyi froze. “You got a little crush there, Jin Ling? Want to share it with the class? Who are they? What grade? Do they go to the Academy or are they one of your little archery buddies?” He tugged on Jin Ling’s ponytail. “Speak, Merida, I got a bet running on this.”

“Yes. No. None of your business. Not telling you. Yes. Sort of. And too bad.” He carefully pulled his hair out of Jingyi’s grip. “Just answer the question.”

Jingyi shrugged. “I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I don’t know. I just knew. I mean, almost having a fucking panic attacking thinking of Sizhui liking anyone else, or dating someone, or spending his life with someone else was my big clue.” He shuddered. “That was a hell of a nightmare, but it was also. I don’t know. My heart skipped a beat when he smiled or laughed, so I thought about why that was. And then that feeling didn’t stop and it just got more intense, and well, here we are.”

“Hmm,” Jin Ling said, eyes glued to the screen. 

“Is it Simone?” Zizhen asked, eyes fixed on his notepad. “You’ve known her for years and she’s amazing.”

“It’s not Simone,” Jingyi said.

“Please tell me it’s not Brady,” Zizhen looked up in alarm. “He’s...unpleasant.”

“Brady Miles?” Jingyi asked. “He’s an ass. It can’t be Brady.”

“It’s not Brady,” Jin Ling said. “And it’s not anyone else in my archery club, or on the school team, so let it go.” He threw a hand over Jingyi’s mouth. “Don’t you fucking dare start singing.”

“We should get back to the show,” Zizhen said. 

“You don’t even need the extra credit,’ Jin Ling said, still trying to muffle the words of <i>Let It Go</i> spilling out of Jingyi’s mouth.

“No, but you do, and I can’t help you with your essay if we don’t get through the rest of these episodes.”

“Fine,” Jin Ling said, sitting back down, but taking the ice cream with him.

“You just got told,” Jingyi sang.

“Shut the fuck up, Jingyi.”

Jingyi sat back and smiled. He pointed at the screen. “You do have to give them points for the Ride or Die of it all.”

“Battle couple trope,” Zizhen agreed jotting down another note. 

“I wish they had more of the sword flying stuff from the earlier episodes. That looked fun,” Jingyi said.

Jin Ling scoffed. “You can’t even manage to skateboard. How would you do that?”

“Magic, obviously.”

They fell silent again as the stomping returned, though this time with a more recognizable version of Mr. Lan-Wei, hair wet and dripping, but freshly showered in clean clothes, with a massive bottle of water under his arm. He vaulted over the back of the couch and grabbed his ice cream.

“Now, boys, tell me everything.”

“We’re on the forty-second episode.” 

“Then tell me quickly. Who’s that and why is he choking up blood?”

[soldrawss]

Don't read unless you have watched the new episode. But the whole time I watched it I was thinking how it pretty wild that your comic and the episode are basically the same.

 OK I HAVE FINALLY WATCHED THE EPISODE AND BOY WHOO HOO HOWDY I’M GONNA INCLUDE MY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I KNOW A FEW OTHERS HAVE YET TO SEE IT AS WELL AND I DON’T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING BUT WHOO LETS GO BABES

SO first off I’m just gonna say that I LOVED the episode. Really and truly honestly I did.  I don’t think there were any major things that I didn’t like tbh. It was such a truthfully wholesome episode. And I’m actually happy with the amount of screen time we got with Scrooge and his insight with Christmas. 

HOWEVER. I wish it was a 45-minute special. Because I think we could have absolutely dived MUCH deeper into the relationship between 1) Younger Donald and Dewey and 2) (the most important) DONALD AND DELLA. I mean like HOLY SHIT. I have to collect my thoughts together really quick cause I’m gonna explode just going on about the sibling relationship going on there so let me backtrack really quick and start from the beginning.

First and foremost. The set up to the episode was great. The kids getting ready for Christmas. Webby’s little hug to Huey and Huey’s patient little smile back to her. Louie’s X-mas list and his “let me explain”, like yes my son, own it. Donald being his best dad self, decorating and STILL playing guitar and singing awful carols at the top of his lungs like, we stan a good good duck dad!!! Literally, everyone is top notch just being great! 

Then we get to plot. The ghosts are back in town. And they’re ready to get down and dirty and party and I LIVE for the idea that they were originally looking for a different Scrooge and that OUR Scrooge actually LOVES Christmas (And I’m so glad that we still don’t know why Scrooge has beef with Santa cause like, that’s potential for future X-Mas episodes and I’m all about having more mysteries to look forward to alright?) So we get it. Party on Scrooge lets go back in time!!!

So we’re 12 minutes in, more Scrooge stuff happens (Which I adore. Love that they brought back Goldy. Love that Young Scrooge is so passive about seeing Old Scrooge. LOVE that BEAKLY fucking FLIRTS with the GRIM REAPER SKJD;S GET IT GIRL LOVE THAT) And super double plot twist is that little jimmy cricket over here is actually like, kinda evil? Well not evil, but he’s a little-twisted buddy, which isn’t his fault, but he just wants to party and feels like everyone abandons him when once they find the true meaning of Christmas (being with family) Which Scrooge does. Which also, can we appreciate how fast it takes for Scrooge to be like, yeah I’m bored of this adventure stuff, can I just go home to my family now? It may have just been the episode time frame but IDK man, I feel like he’s growing from once being bitter to becoming that good old family man again. Good, good old man, I love him. 

ANYWAY- NOW LETS GET DOWN TO THE JUICY HALF OF THE EPISODE AND THE HALF THE EVERYONE WANTS MORE OF INCLUDING MYSELF

OK So here we see Dewey hitch a ride on grims cloak and fall into let’s say around 25+ years in the past. The FIRST thing I noticed and the first shot we get is a mere parallel to the one we see when Scrooge first falls in the past. Its a shot of the mansion. But as opposed to the shot where Scrooge falls during a Christmas where his mansion is LIT the fuck up with lights and sounds and color and LIFE, Dewey sees it dark and practically dead, but still recognizably the Mc’Duck Mansion. One of the next shots we see takes place inside, and we see the mansion (remember this duck is a billionaire) with the wallpaper peeling and the walls cracking and hardly lit and it looks absolutely deserted and kinda uncared for which BREAKS MY HEART OK!!! 

(But I’m so glad I at least got the scene right where Dewey’s first interaction with Donald is through his music and that Dewey could guess it was Donald through his Voice™!!! Also, should have thought of Bluey. That was SO much better than Deuteronomy. But oh well! Got the fake family part right! And the fact that Donald knew she was out back looking fo Santa and was trying to catch Santa for Scrooge. That last part wasn’t in the comic, but that was going to be the original idea for part 4 and FUCK YEAH I WAS ON A ROLL)

And ohhhh when Donald says this is the most confusing family! Ouufff that hit me so hard!!! Cause like, honestly, in canon, Donald is SO proud of his heritage and family line. He’s the only Disney character to really even HAVE a family tree, are you kidding me?

Also Dewey just Yeeting himself out a window with Donald’s guitar as Leverage was such a good idea I wish I would have thought of it and I’m SO ANGRY that I didn’t but I guess if I had then technically I would have been a mind reader or actually stealing from the show so good job me for NOT doing that but I at least got them Escaping out the window part down so WOOP FOR that!

ALSO DONALD JUST STRAIGHT UP LICKING THE TREE! WONDERFUL GOOD BOY AND LIKE!!! AND LIKE!!! OK I kinda played around with the idea that Donald kinda just does stuff without explanation and when someone asks we gives off these weird oneliners that don’t really answer the question of WHY he did/was doing the thing in the first place is something I absolutely live for and both his interactions within my comic and in the show are so parallel with one another that I’m actually mind freaked right now I want to scream I fucking love these kids ok?!?!?

So I could probably live for the next 30 years off of just Dewey and Donald just talking to each other like, it was probably only 40 seconds of conversation, but I lived for every second like it was the only thing that mattered!!! Just Dewey being so Hecking Excited to learn more about Della from someone willing to talk to him without any trauma™ and I LOVED how Donald never outrightly admitted that Della wasn’t Amazing or Awesome (Dewey said it at least twice when referring to Della) and just changed the subject. Like, true sibling love. (I would have also accepted if he had called her a nerd or a geek or something similar because they are siblings after all, like jeezus the whole episode was mostly about their fight like, anything is great, give me them sibling dynamics)

OK AND THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

DELLA MY SWEET BABY GIRL APPEARS AND SHE IS MY EVERYTHING

OK honestly I was gonna draw her with a bit more messy hair but OTHERWISE SHE’S PERFECT. AND HER’S AND DONALDS IMMEDIATE BICKERING IS MY FAVORITE EVER. (And tbh her reaction to them NOT being Santa clause and honestly that entire net scene was also gonna be my reaction so don’t be surprised when you see that in upcoming continuation of my comic) (Also her calling Dewey a Dummy, is ACE)

So their whole fight scene going on. The whole Dumbella incident. You can just FEEL the sibling energy off of it. I ate that shit up SO FAST. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. (I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THAT STUFF PLEASE DT CREW GIVE US A FLASHBACK EPISODE OF THE COUSINS I NEEEEEEED IT) If you’ve ever had a sibling then you KNOW. You know that look when Della got when Donald called her Dumbella. The No, not until you apologize she gave back. The FOR WHAT?? The endless back and forth that would have continued onward for a LONG time if they weren’t in impending doom. Man that’s the shit right there. That’s really all I wanted I could have had a full 45 minutes of just THAT right there. Just these kids being siblings.

(Also, Donald outing himself about the toothbrush and combat boots, he’s so gonna pay for that later I can feel it in my bones and I live for these moments kids)

AND THEN WE GET THE FIRST HEARTBREAKER OF THE NIGHT FOLKS, when Dewey figures out why Della’s so peeved at Donald (rightfully so) and it’s just!!! It’s just so good that all Della really wanted was to spend time with Donald and make a memory of it and catch Santa together and folks I would be lying to you and to God and to our Lord and savior Carl Barks if I said that I didn’t cry, these siblings are so good. (And the fact that Dewey also made a quick connection to himself, like, ohhh yeah I need to also be better and apologize to MY family and give MY Donald a hug when I get home)

NOW SHIT GETS REAL!!! The way Donald and Della land after getting free from the net. These kids were BORN for adventuring. This isn’t their first rodeo and this is what I want to see more of!!! Donald and Della as the fighting duo!!! (Dewey totally face planted my smol blue bean I love you) Della gets into fighting position ready to go, and Donald flips his hair back outta the way like so cool and nonchalantly LIKE DREAM TEAM SO COOL I LOVE THEEEEEMMMM!!! aND THEN when they find out the Wendigo is after Scrooge, They’re all like, “of, yeah, duh, Its always scrooge,” and then IMMEDIATELY GO AFTER HIM IN PERFECT FIGHTING SYNC LIKE THESE ARE 10-YEAR-OLDS AND THEY FIGHT LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ON SCROOGE’S BEHALF FOR YEARS AND IM!!! (there’s so much fanfic potential here i’m screaming) And Dewey’s kinda just standing back like, Woah nelly, CAUSE LOOK AT THESE DUCK CHILDREN GO!!! LOOK AT MY LITTLE FIGHTING REBEL KIDS I ;KLD’KLASJ’F I LOVE THEM!!!

(Also, shout out to the last episode, in which we see that Donald kept the broken guitar under hammock all those years, he never could manage to through the thing away, i love this temperamental kid so much guys i’m crying again) But I’m glad we got to see Wee angry Donald!!! That was a fun thing I’m glad they put that in!!!

And now for the final! I’M glad Donald apologized rightly and straight away and wholeheartedly! That’s the good boy I know and Love! And Dewey going in for the hug!!! So sweet!!! But also!!! Della like, immediately figuring out that Dewey was from the future, I kinda like that! I wasn’t going to do it, but I like it! Love how smart she is and just how nonchalant they both are about it cause hey, have you MET their family? I like how they say Ducks, too. Not Mc’Ducks. Like, Scrooge is Weird and they do all sorts of crazy stuff with him, but you haven’t SEEN crazy till you’ve met the hick side of the family.

And then it’s like, just like that, they’re gone! And ouufff boy that was not the goodbye I was expecting but sometimes goodbyes are like that and that’s ok and I respect the out the DT crew took cause it flowed so nicely and well but boy did it hurt. (Can you imagine Donald and Della coming back with THEN Scrooge with this whole explanation to find nothing there and Scrooge being like???? Ack you kids leave me alone I hate Christmas as it is I don’t need you all playing tricks on me with fake Wendigos and family members from the futures when I have important things to do bah humbug or something and Donald and Della just have to live with this knowledge but at least they have each other and are closer for the better!!!) Because then Scrooge was there and THEN DEWEY WAS CRYING AND THERE’S JUST SO MANY EMOTIONS CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE EMOTIONS THIS KID IS GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW AND HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME AND SEE HIS UNCLE DONALD AND BROTHERS AND WEBBY AND JUST BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS AND ACK.

AND GOSH WAS THE DONALD DEWEY HUG JUST SO GOOD AS WELL AS THE DOGPILE LITERALLY GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS, I WANT THEM ALL THIS IS SUCH A WHOLE GOOD EPISODE!!! All in all, 10/10 Was very good. Could I have loved more of just about EVERYTHING? yes, but I can make my own content if I need to fulfill my wishes. Overall, there was nothing that disappointed me, which was so good. I wasn’t let down by the interpretations of the characters, the morals, or how the storyline went. Could we have made it into a 45-minute episode and just like, extended every conversation? Yes. But plot? Solid. Characters? Solid. Relations? Super solid. Did Sol cry? She did and she will again cause she just loves these good characters so hecking much!!! Donald is my all time favorite Disney character on the planet and just the fact that he gets so much love and attention and just all the beautiful backstory and rick history is such a beautiful gift that just keeps on giving! 

Also, FULL Disclosure, Im gonna continue part 3, 4 and 5 of my version of how I thought this episode was gonna go. Simply because, well, I liked it. And I think you all will like it to.  

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2018:

Nasty: Hearing Red Eyes live. I've already said it on TBH, but seeing your favorite band in their relative prime is such a cool thing. 

BC: Since partying all night with my favorite band fell within the short window between Bestuv '17 ending and Bestuv '18 beginning, I'd have to say:

1. Kacey Musgrave's performance of "Slow Burn" on SNL

2. Radiohead perfectly executing "There There" which transported me back to Lollapalooza in '08 3. Despite the annoyance of sitting in lots of Indy500 traffic due to a new parking situation, I quite enjoyed working through half of the Stones' catalogue with Bronco riding shotgun and Codemin listening in from the flatbed of Dillon's pickup

Codem: Spending what was New Year's Eve for the central timezone in the USA at a Fijian medical bath facility listening to music, playing cards, downing tequeel and getting ringworm with my blushing bride. -hearing peter hook play the bass line from shadowplay live and in person. -Arden, JD and JJ encouraging me to go talk to Kyle from Swearin'. -Silver Jews and Westing (By Musket and Sextant) came to Spotify. -Watching "Random Rules" video for the first time

Larse: Sitting behind this massive (I mean orca fat) guy at the CHVRCHES show, feeling really bad for him before the show started because he was all alone and kept looking around and worrying about letting people in his row and things. As soon as CHVRCHES came on though, this guy was exactly where he was supposed to be that night. Sang the words and danced to every song and just made my day with how happy he was to be there. Jotted down every song of the setlist into his smartphone and just had an all around great time. And some of you motherfuckers won't even go to a movie by yourself!

JD: May: A moody Chinatown stroll with the new Grouper album in the rain. July: Soaking up some good tunes at the housewarming party to ring in our new pad. July: Some hilariously rambunctious youths having at it when “House of Jealous Lovers” came on during a full play of Compilation 1 at the DFA summer party. One of them (who must have been ~8 in the bygone days of 02) screamed out “this is the song that started it all!” to a crowd of stationary gawkers and I felt a brief moment of hope for the youngs. August: Shaking a leg at Pete’s wedding (also featuring a delightful hojl spin). September: A rowdy spin of “Sentient Oona” on the Levee juke with an impromptu digital jukebox dance party at the Turkey’s Nest with jj’s cousin and his lovely girlfriend. October: The best music cue I’ve ever seen at the end of Beau Travail.

Bronco: Taking John to his first concert, and that first concert was Mastodon. That was pretty awesome to be able to share that experience with him. He was super into it, and so were the metalheads at the show. "Dad of the Year" was definitely shouted more than a few times, and I thought to myself, "fuckin-A right."

Chap: My kids saying "Papa" when "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals comes on.

Best Shows Seen in 2018:

C: Open Mike Eagle at Pitchfork

Bronco: Sleep

Laser: CHVRCHES at Riverside Theater; Chromeo at Summerfest

BC: The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Radiohead

Nasty: The War on Drugs. 

Code: kraus - schubas peter hook - metro no age - the bottle swearin' - bowery eleanor friedberger - lincoln hall my bloody valentine - aragon "quickly climbing the ranks of my nice" ballroom kraus - the bottle pictureplane - bottom lounge soft moon - the bottle book of love - chop shop

JD: 1. Shame at Market Hotel 2. Hamilton Leithauser at the Carlyle Hotel 3. Beach House at United Palace Theater 4. The Voidz at Elsewhere 5. Parquet Courts’ Wide Awake! mid-day album release show with my morning coffee at Rough Trade

6. Flasher at St. Vitus 7. Deafheaven at Brooklyn Steel 8. Panda Bear at Brooklyn Steel 9. No Age at Brooklyn Bazaar 10. CCFX at the DFA summer party at Elsewhere with my girlfriend in full blown rem sleep standing up with her head on my shoulder 11. Alex Cameron at Warsaw 12. Gang Gang Dance and Interpol at House of Vans Of note: Dekkar at On Cinema Live at the Bell House.

Confession of 2018:

JD: I have a real TBH confession that I held until now. I was thoroughly enjoying the Flasher album on a recent evening after a few too many drinks when a burning urge to see them washed over me. They had a show coming up at a bar just a few blocks from my apartment, so I enthusiastically snapped up tickets for me and jj. Thinking this might be a good opportunity for a TBH outing, I emailed Chap trying to peer pressure him into attending the Flasher show and gauging his interest in a Parquet Courts concert that would be happening the following evening. No response.

We later received an invitation to a holiday cocktail party at a friend’s apartment on the same night as the Flasher show, and I hatched a cockamamie scheme to go from our home in Greenpoint to the party in Soho, leave after an hour to catch the concert back in Greenpoint, head back to the party in Soho, and finally retire back to Greenpoint. JJ wisely passed on such a scheme and I left the party to trek off to the concert solo with an extra ticket in tow. 

Awash in good cheer and excitement while Flasher set up, I thought what the hell, might as well take a flier on reminding Chap of the show. Maybe the twins are asleep, he’s just sitting around, can jump into a cab, claim the extra ticket, watch the show, and cruise on back. Mid-text I paused, wondering just why he never responded to the initial email weeks ago. A quick gmail search, and there sat my drunkenly composed beseechment to join, rotting in the drafts folder unsent. 

A couple of the dudes from Parquet Courts were bouncing around the bar, and I decided it would make more sense to hit up Chap about attending their show the next day than explain the whole snafu and extend a ludicrous invitation that required dropping everything and leaving immediately for a show he didn’t even know was happening. I ate the extra ticket, had a blast watching Flasher, zipped back to the party, drank myself into oblivion, and was way too hung over to even consider the Parquet Courts show the next day. NICK SORRY NICK! (editor’s note: too long)

Larson: I saw Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

BC: My neighbor invited me to see Imagine Dragons. I lied and said I had to travel for work. "On a Saturdee?" he inquired. "Yeah. Totally sucks," I awkwardly replied. I hid inside my house all weekend.

Bronco: I'd rather see shows by myself than with my buddy. He likes going to shows, and I keep inviting him, and we have a fine time, but he doesn't live in town anymore, so I gotta worry about him drinking too much and driving an hour home. And his wife is a psychopath and that complicates shit. Too much. And it's just so much more freeing being able to not give a fuck about anyone else during that time, to just soak it all in, it feels good and right.

Codem: -despite all of the bad things that kanye said, i still liked listening to his catalogue throughout the year. i even liked his EP that came out in 2018.   -i really liked the beach house album!   -i liked the snail mail album, skipped two opportunities to see her and then by --the end of the year, i thought the album was sort of boring.   -Arden and i went to see pictureplane open for alice glass and thought that the show sucked and pictureplane played such stupid songs. three months later, he put out my favorite album of the year and i can't stop thinking that i hated all of the same songs the first time i heard them. -i read an article on a bright fall saturday morning that exhaustively detailed the Cardi B and Nicki Minaj feud and i watched all of the instagram story clips that showed Cardi B scrolling through her phone with those outlandish nails of hers. it took me two cups of coffee to get through it all, but get through it i did. [i couldn't think of nicki minaj's name just now so i stared at the ceiling and kept running through names in my mind's eye: missy, kim, cardi, kelis, kim??, eve, trina. i couldn't remember. so i finally googled "kanye monster" and found her name. easy.]

Nasty: I'm done with new music. It’s over. I didn't listen to a single new album - I don't even know if I could name a new album. Realistically, I did like Daytona. 

Biggest Disappointment of 2018:

Nasty: MAGA Kanye

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Bronco: Black Tusk, Alice in Chains

BC: Getting into The Orwells literally two days before #MeToo chewed 'em up and spit 'em out

Chap: Car Seat Headrest. Can't believe he's gay! jk the album was the disappointment.

Code: -somebody hacked my spotify account and wiped all of my music and replaced it with raggaeton and halsey. i was able to get my music back, but i lost all of my meticulously cared for folder structure. -i wanted the simple minds album to be cool; it was not.   -i wanted the swearin' album to be really great; it was okay. -pictureplane and ovlov did not tour their albums.   -i had to eat two tickets to my bloody valentine after buying four. the original show sold out and i thought i was going to be able to sell my extras for a profit -- they ended up announcing a second show and there was no secondary market for the original show.   -no CCFX followup ):  

JD: Got to Hammerstein Ballroom for MBV and there was a line longer than an entire avenue. They were already on by the time we made it into the heinously oversold venue and we were stuck by the bar in the lobby surrounded by people constantly shouting in an effort to compete with the apocalyptic noise.

C: Terrible sound at Tame Impala show

Most Overrated of 2018:

Code: -probably that kacey musgraves album; i got absolutely nothing out of it. also, i liked the robyn album, but i wanted to love it after many years between releases. i think i'm just being greedy.   -i'm going to get killed for this, but the throwing the baby out with the bathwater approach to artists' criminal behavior or inflammatory tweets is pretty overrated right now. 

Bronco: Ghost - I like their schtick, with rotating members and the whole inverted church thing. It's campy but they're sticking to it, and that's fine, but their music isn't metal. It's poppy glam shit about the devil, and that's also fine, but I don't get why it's on anyone's list. Production value maybe? But the music itself isn't anything to write home about. I just don't get it.

JD: n/a. The thick layer of nonsensical, Pynchonian obfuscation the platform economy dollops over everything has made it impossible to understand how anything is rated. Almost feel bad for the click driven publications that have to just throw out a guess.

C: Mitski

Chap: Snail Mail

BC: Kanye. His new music is no longer good enough to put up with his bufoonery.

Laser: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Nasty: Clemson. GOARSH. 

Make It Stop 2018:

Nasty: DJT, anytime now. 

Bronco: Party politics. No more labels allowed. You can have a list of stuff you support and a list of stuff you are against, but that's fucking it. No more this side vs that side for reasons as caddy as an R vs. a D. Also religion having any influence whatsoever in the way our country is run. Believe whatever you want to believe, but don't force your bullshit on anyone else. You want to torment yourself with a lifelong christian guilt trip, that's your boat to float, but don't go poking holes in my boat just because you're a miserable fuck. Just stop. Also, Jack White.

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Chap: Baby Shark

BC: My shrinking attention span

JD: The cultural currency of clapbacks, shade, and tea.

Code: trap music playing from a phone's external speaker while i'm trapped on public transportation.  i'm going to go broke buying enough earbuds to distribute to these offenders.

Biggest TBH Regret of 2018:

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

C: Not seeing Low at a church on University of Chicago's Campus

JD: -Hearing about a Grouper show at a church around the corner from my pad after it sold out. -Not necessarily a regret because I didn’t know it was happening, but oh how I wish I had seen Jon Glaser and Jon Benjamin as Dave Farina and Dave Franz, Dennis and Dennis’ sons, at a Bowery Ballroom Yo La Tengo show.

BC: -I wish I would've cooked up a way to see Shame play a midnight show in Bloomington.  I just want that kid to scream "Concrete" in my face. -I probably should've seen Smashing Pumpkins when they rolled through town too. 

Code: my flight got delayed and i missed the swearin' show at that place in brooklyn that "smelled like hot fish"

Bronco: Not a regret so much as I was super-bummed when High on Fire dropped out of the tour I saw in November. The venue we were at put my buddy and I right next to the stage. It would've been crazy awesome to see HOF there, but they've rescheduled at least, and I'll see them in January.

Bin: I haven't listened to any Kanye this year. I thought it would feel gratifying by year end - it doesn't. I'll probably still avoid this most recent album, but I'm going back to the well. I'll continue to talk shit about him though. Take that Ye!

Chap: No regrets 

Detective Murtaugh of 2018:

Larse: Getting too old to keep up with all of this new music and put a worthwhile list together at the end of the year…

Nasty:

Code: i added book of love show to my top ten concert list because Arden and i were able to take a seat on the ground in the balcony section. we had to continually move our spot on the floor to be able to peer through the railing and a mass of bodies in order to catch a glimpse of the stage.

JD: -Two of my favorite music related experiences of the year were seeing Hamilton Leithauser in the cafe of the Carlyle Hotel and the extended Niles family in The Nutcracker at the NYC Ballet. -When I googled “Detective Murtaugh” just now it was mostly pictures of Damon Wayans (Jr. no less!) playing the role on the Lethal Weapon CBS series.

Bronco: Putting up with shit instead of speaking up about it. There's room on the train but I'm squished by the door because some self-absorbed dinks won't move in? "Could you please move in?" It sounds so simple, but breaking that silence barrier was a scary thing. Now I don't give a shit. I'm on train for two stops, and I'm not going to see you again, so fuck you, move in or I'm going to move myself in and it aint gonna be pleasant for you.

Chap: A hipster female barber said I was a silver fox. AYFKM?

BC: What the hell is Fortnite?

Resolution for 2018 Update:

Larse: get my list in on time! How it went: probably horseshit! (editor’s note: it was early yet!)

NACK: While I didn’t have the occasion to catch shows this year, I anticipate doing so in '18 due to some changes afoot. How it went: Joe Dons has yet to let me know of a concert going on and I have no other friends here, so I blame him for my failure

Bin: I’m just going to keep saying “get to NY for a show with JD” until I make it happen. How it went: Didn't get to NY for a show with JD.

JD: See you gents more often with or without a show attached.  How it went: Fairly decent, but is it really ever enough?

Bronco: Get in shape. I want to stick to a schedule of running all year round. I ran a 10K back in June, then needed to recover for a bit, been recovering ever since…Fat Dad needs to keep running all year round without excuse, especially given that we go skiing between Xmas and New Year’s and I’m gonna be a floppy legged mess. During those runs, I’ll try to listen to new material each time. How it went: I ran a 5-miler in May. Haven't run since. Though I have been reasonably consistent with my prison workout (situps and pushups before bed time), so now there's a hint of muscle under my fat dad layer. Just gotta combine the two now somehow.

Code: make more playlists for my wife How it went: i said that i was going to make more mixes for my wife. i made one year-end mix for her and i'm sure she's loving it :*

BC: No more resolutions How it went: 2018 Resolution was "No More Resolutions," so pretty darn good!

Resolution for 2019:

Laser: ---

BC: Listen to one new album a week; reboot the Classic Album Review Club

JD: Greater consciousness of how I’m using my attention - an ineffectual and meaningless protest of the ways the world is burning down in pursuit of it.

Bronco: Read more 'classic' books. I didn't read many of them, even in school (especially in school? Never could read a book I was told to read). But I'm leaning in the sci-fi direction of 'classics'. I just read Dune this summer, and wrapped up Fahrenheit 451 the other day. I'm feeling an unexplained need to beef up my nerd credentials and this seems the way to accomplish it.

Chap: Learn Piano; Guilt Joe Dons into finally inviting me to a concert

Nasty: I'm sticking with it - get to NY for a show with JD.

Code: catch ovlov, pictureplane, washer, chromatics, EMA and colleen green live this year.

Most Anticipated of 2019:

Bronco: Tool. Fifth year's the charm. I'm actually hopeful this time around. In fact, I half expect them to drop it on New Year's Eve or something, just so it's post Listicle season, but not quite 2019 so it can't end up on those lists either. They're such dicks like that.

BC: Still waitin' on dat Vampire Weekend yet

Chap: Vampire Weekend, Chromatics

C: Lin Manuel in Mary Poppins... I kid, My Bloody Valentine

JD: Going to put Frank Ocean out into the universe, MBV take 2, Grimes, Panda Bear, Kanye’s escape from the Black Lodge

Codem: chromatics - tommy, MBV, washer, colleen green, EMA(?), DoM

Laser: no idea what's even on the docket

Nasty: Mueller's Report

[bwicblog]

>HANDS UP (and touch the sky)

While a global-spanning fishing attack has the Alternian internet glitching, Vadaya connects to the BWIC servers through his helming device. When Riccin IMs him and pushes him, he discovers he's able to make certain changes to the server - like punching a hole in the coding to allow a third person to be invited into his PM.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

OA: cOUSIN, DID I HONESTLY GO AND OFFENd? OA: bECAUSE THAT AIN'T MY INTENTIOn. UV: Oh. UV: That is how you start a private chat. OA: UV: No Riccin. UV: My apologies. UV: I did not mean to be so blunt. OA: OA: cOUSIN, ARE YOU DRUNk? UV: Incorrect. OA: hIGh? UV: Also Incorrect. OA: UV: Oh. UV: I made a capitalized letter. OA: tESTING DRUGS ARE STILL DRUGS, YOU KNOw. UV: How. OA: OA: hm. UV: My apologies. UV: I am unused to this. OA: dON'T YOU START FUCKING APOLOGISING TO ME. WHY, SHIT THROWS US ALL LOOPY THE FIRST TIME, COUSIN. GOTTA BUILD UP YOUR MOMENTUM. GET YOUR FEET IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ORDER, 'FORE YOU START WALKING STRAIGHt. UV: I am not on drugs. UV: That is incorrect.(edited) UV: I am currently drugged. OA: UV: But not on those kinds of drugs. OA: rIGHt. OA: yOU GOT ANY TECHS IN THERE WITH YOU? IT'S THAT TIME OF THE PERIGEE, AIN'T It? UV: Correct. OA: tO WHICH PART, COUSIn. UV: I am in testing. UV: But i recommended that i was also allowed to do training. UV: Oh. UV: Both. OA: rIGHt. OA: wELL, GOOD, THEY GOT YOU WOUND UP LIKE A KITE, BETTER BE KEEPING AN EYE ON YOu. UV: I am not a kite. UV: I am just trying to learn speaking through computer systems. OA: OA: what. OA: like. they got you hooked in? UV: Correct. UV: I am very hooked in. OA: aW, SHIt. OA: hOLY SMOKES. NAH, WAIT, FUCK THAT: HOLY FUCKING SHIt. OA: tHAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST GODDAMN WICKED THING I HAVE EVER LAID THESE UNFORTUNATE VISIONSACKS UPON. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, VADAYa. OA: tHAT'S SO FUCKING COOl. OA: bUT, LIKE, FUCk. OA: hOw? UV: How. UV: Question mark. OA: aND FUCK, HOW THE FUCk -- OA: tHEY WON'T EVEN LET ME DO THAT SHIT YET, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOu? OA: hOw. OA: qUESTION MARk. UV: I have not figured out question marks. OA: pRESS AND HOLD SHIFt. OA: UV: OA: wAIT, SHIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT REAL LOUd. UV: QUESTION MARK. OA: gODDAMNIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT LIKE IT'S A QUESTION, BROTHER. THINK IT LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING IT. THINK IT LIKE IT STOLE YOUR FUCKING MATESPRIT, AND NOW YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES, EDGE OF THE FUCKING DOCKS, HAND REACHED OUT TOWARDS THE SHIP THAT'S ALREADY ZOOMING TOWARDS A GALAXY AS FAR THE FUCK AWAY AS YOU COULD EVER EVEN IMAGINe. UV: Why did that not send. OA: tHINK IT LIKE YOU FUCKING MEAN It. OA: qUESTION MARk!(edited) OA: bUT WITH A ?. UV: I cannot do exclamation points either. OA: aRE YOU SCREAMING It. OA: pUTTING ALL OF YOUR FUCKING LUNGS INTO It. UV: I can not scream. UV: I am watching my body. OA: 'cAUSE YOU GOT NO MOUTh? OA: hm. UV: My mouth was not removed. UV: I simply can not use it. OA: yEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT ACCESS, COUSIN, THAT'S ALL I MEAn. OA: aCADEMY SLANG. FORGIVE Me. UV: Oh. OA: hmmm. OA: hmmmmm. UV: Comma. UV: SIGH. OA: hEY, LOOK, YOU GOT ALL CAPs. :o) OA: sHIT, I WISH I WAS THERE. YOU TRIED GOING ON THE NET, COUSIn? OA: tRIED STRETCHING OUT YOUR LEGs? UV: I was told not to. OA: OA: OA: mm. UV: Because of viruses. OA: vIRUSES AIN'T NO BIG TO DODGe. OA: wHY, HALF THE ACADEMY BRATS ARE WIRED UP, AND THEY AIN'T NABBING VIRUSES LEFT AND RIGHt. OA: jUST DON'T GO TOUCHIN' NOTHING YOU DON'T WANT TOUCHIN' YOu. UV: I am in the bureau intranet. UV: It is quite vast. OA: hUh. UV: I will be able to integrate with ships. UV: Why are my messages appearing elsewhere. OA: i AM SO JEALOUS, I COULD FUCKING SPIt. OA: dON'T SUPPOSE I COULD COME TAKE A GANDER AT YOUR SETUp? OA: gOT RULES AND SHIt. OA: sHAMe. OA: aND 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T SURE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, COUSIN, THAT'S ALl. OA: oR OUR LOCAL FUCKING MODERATOR'S FINALLY GOT MALWARE INTO HIS poor, poor little pan. :o) UV: Let me borrow the speaker system to ask. UV: Oh. UV: I forgot to turn off audio again. UV: Feedback. OA: nAH. YOU'RE LEAKING, SURE AS SALt. UV: Incorrect. UV: My other chat room i do not leak. OA: bECAUSE IT'S THE INTRANET, COUSIN. WHY, THEY GOT YOU WIRED STRAIGHT INTO THAT SHIT. IS IT ANY WONDER YOU FIND IT EASy? OA: tHIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNEt. OA: gOTTA SAY, MAYBE IT is FOR THE BEST, YOU KEEP YOUR ASS OFF THE MAINWAYs.(edited) UV: I suppose not. UV: I have not considered it before. MH: But it looks like I'm banned from lowbloods right now. UV: The main internet seems. UV: Oh. OA: ! OA: lu? OA: :o? OA: wHAT THE FUCk. OA: hOW THE FUCk - OA: wHAT SORT OF HAVOC YOU WRECKING, COUSIn? OA: yOU TRYING TO GO DIGGINg? UV: I did not do that. UV: I am offended you thought i would dig. OA: iT WAS ANOTHER JOKe. :o) OA: dON'T START FUSSING, COUSIN. YOU ARE THE FINEST MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE MEt. OA: tHE MOST STRAIGHT-LACED OF MOTHERFUCKERs. UV: My apologies. UV: I think i find jokes harder to determine like this. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg.(edited) OA:(edited) OA: wELL, SHIT, IT ATE MY MESSAGE. HOLD On. OA: iF YOU WERE LACED ANY TIGHTER, SHIT WOULD BE ruinous. BREAKING BONES. RUINING PANS. CUTTING OFF ALL SORTS OF BITS THAT A MOTHERFUCKER MIGHT NEED, ALL WILLY-NILLY, WITH NO CONSIDERATION FOR A SINGLE FUCKING THINg. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg. OA: aND DON'T YOU WORRY NONE ABOUT MY JAPEs. :o) UV: It sent to my other private conversation. OA: OA: :o? OA: hOW MANY CONVOS YOU GOT running? UV: Two private ones. UV: Another chat room. UV: Highblood and general chat. UV: Delete. UV: Sigh. MH: Tell Riccin I say hi. UV: Images are strange to look at like this. UV: Look is the wrong word. OA: hUh. OA: yOU TALKING TO LU? SHIt. OA: yOU OUGHT TO SEE IF WE CAN TURN THIS INTO A PROPER THREESOME, COUSIn. OA: sHE HOPS OVER HERE, I HOP OVER THERE, DON'T SEE WHY NOt. OA: jUST, Mm.(edited) OA: sHOVE AT THE WALLS A LITTLe? UV: I am unsure how much shoving i can do. OA: wHY NOT GIVE IT A TRy? :o) UV: I am unsure. UV: Oh. UV: That is. OA: OA: :o? :o??? UV: If i JUST. -unruffledVanquisher has started trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!- MH: OA: ! MH: What. UV: Success. MH: Is this glitching again. MH: Because now I can see Riccin. OA: nAH, SISTER, JUST GOT VADAYA HERE TO THROW AROUND SOME FUCKING WEIGHt. OA: hOW SWEET IS THIS SHIt? MH: What the hell did he do? UV: It was not weight. MH: I feel like this isn't how the chat should be. MH: I'm not complaining but. MH: What. MH: I think ID closed the other chat. MH: Between just me and you Vadaya. UV: Oh. MH: .... They're letting me stay in highblood chat though. OA: wHAT? FUCKEr. OA: bIASED MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: tELL HIM TO LET ME INTO THE HIGHBLOOD CHAt. OA: dON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T GET TO GET MY BUSINESS IN THERE, TOo. UV: At least he did not close this chat. MH: He gave me permission to stay, do I want to lose my own permission by trying to bother him for it? No. He's fickle. MH: Sorry Riccin, you're going to have to fight him yourself.(edited) MH: Or wait for a window to open. Apparently that's how others are getting in. MH: That's how I got in, and apparently I lost my lowblood privileges too. OA: :o( OA: fINE. I'LL GO FIGHT OUR PINK FUCKING OGLIARCH. WHY NOt? OA: gET MYSELF ALL UP AND BANNED, JUST 'CAUSE HE'S ALWAYS GOT TO GO PLAYIN' FAVORITES WITH THE rusts. MH: Then wait for a window. UV: Windows. UV: Yes. OA: bOO ON BOTH OF YOu. OA: uh.(edited) OA: 'kAy. UV: Boo. OA: hm. UV: Boo. OA: hOW LONG YOU TWO KNOWN EACH OTHEr? OA: sHIT, HOW WELL YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHEr? :o) OA: dON'T YOU BOO AT ME, MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: i AM BOOING AT YOu. MH: Hahaha. MH: We chat on and off. OA: hUh. UV: Correct. OA: sO YOU AIN'T FLESH PALS, HUh? OA: OA: rEGULAR OL' FUCKING BOSOM BUDDIEs? OA: wHAT YOU TALK ABOUt? UV: Chess. MH: MH: Never say flesh pals again. OA: :o( UV: Oh. MH: Sometimes we play chess. MH: Sometimes we talk about books. MH: It's on and off. OA: hUh. OA: wHAT KIND OF BOOKS, GIRl? OA: sHIT, IS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER HERE ALL UP ON THE READINg? OA: gOT YOUR NOSE IN THE PAGEs? MH: ....Yes? MH: I read a lot on war tactics and the like. I also read a lot of engineering books. UV: Yes. UV: I recommend books and we speak about ones that we have both read. OA: sWEET MESSIAHs. OA: dUNNO WHY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER I KNOW'S SUCH A GODDAMN NE MH: ...Nerd? OA: nUANCED LITERATe. OA: nAh. MH: Uh huh. OA: wHY WOULD I SAY NERd? OA: gIRL, THAT SHIT's MEAn. OA: sTONE COLd. OA: uN FUCKING NECCESSARy. :o) MH: Yes. It is. OA: ha. UV: I have been called worse than nerd. MH: Have you? MH: What have people called you? UV: A troll without a personality. OA: MH: Why? OA: wHAT SORT OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD EVEN PULL THAT SHIt? MH: That's stupid. UV: To be cruel. UV: I imagine. OA: dID YOU SET THEM RIGHT? CLOCK 'EM IN THE SNOUt? UV: No. UV: I did not damage them. UV: I sometimes think they wish i would damage them. MH: Why not indulge them. UV: Unprofessional. MH: If they have the spine to go around picking fights, then maybe they - ah. OA: nAH, NAH, HE'S GOT A POINt. OA: iNDULGE THEM, AND LET THEM GO WEEPING BACK TO THEIR CLADE? WRINGING THEIR FINGERS? KNITTING THEIR GODDAMN BROWS? PUTTING ON A SHOw? OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ALL OF THAt. OA: wHY NOT HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT, COUSIn? MH: That's true. MH: Though it might not help the situation. UV: I do not think that would stop them. MH: Because if someone off the streets comes up and hits them, they won't even know why they're getting hit. UV: Have you done such a thing before:question: UV: MH: That's great. MH: Have I done such a thing as pay someone to hit someone else for me? Or hit someone for saying things about me? OA: oH, COUSIN, I HAVE HIT FOLKS FOR TALKING SHIT TO THEIR BETTERS ALL THE GODDAMN TIMe.(edited) OA: mIGHT AS WELL SAY IT'S A HOBBY, AT THIS POINt. MH: I've hit people for it too. MH: Sometimes wigglers won't learn not to touch fire unless they get burned. OA: nO HARM TO IT. WHY, IT'S PRACTICALLY A FUCKING service. MH: They get a warning, then they get the consequences of not listening to that warning. UV: I understand. UV: I have never considered it. UV: Mostly i just ignore them. MH: You said you don't say hit them because it's unprofessional. Are they a coworker? UV: Of sorts. OA: a MOTHERFUCKER GOES SPILLING THAT TEA ON YOU AGAIN, COUSIN, JUST GIVE A HOLLEr. OA: iT AIN'T UNPROFESSIONAL IF someone else GOES STRIKING THEm. :o) UV: I would not wish to get you in trouble. UV: But. MH: Well. I think I heard that you're head of your group, correct? MH: Can't you file a formal complaint? Or disciplinary action? MH: I think that went into general, Vadaya. UV: It did. UV: It is complicated. MH: Huh. MH: Sorry to hear that then. MH: They sound like an asshole. OA: eh. OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO? I'M IMPERIAL, COUSIN. AIN'T NOBODY HOLDING MY LEASH, BUT MY PROCTOR HER FUCKING SELf. OA:(edited) OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO, COUSIN? :o) I'M IMPERIAl. MH: I'd also offer to hit them but unfortunately, I am not imperial. MH: I doubt a backwater hick like me striking an Imperial will go down well. MH: So you'll have to take my support instead. OA: nOW, GIRL, DON'T YOU GO DOWNPLAYING It. OA: pRETTY THING LIKE YOu? OA: wHY, JUST SAY THE WORD, AND EVERY KIND OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD JUMP THROUGH A FLAMING GODDAMN hoop, JUST TO net YOUR approval. ;o) OA: nEVER MIND YOUR support. UV: Oh. UV: You are pretty? MH: MH: Thanks. OA: OA: nAH, SHE'S DUMPY AS FUCK, I'M JUST PLAYIn'. UV: You are aware. UV: How? OA: uh. OA: i THOUGHT SHE WAS THE WRONG KIND OF GAL, THAT'S ALl. OA: sHIT, WEREN'T YOU THERE FOR THAt? OA: aLL SORTS OF UNFORTUNATE GODDAMN MISTAKEs. OA: fELT LIKE A RIGHT AND PROPER CHUMP, MIXING UP EVERY HUE OF RUSt. OA: OA: hEY, YOU GOT YOUR NOODLES ON, COUSIn. :o) UV: Hmm. UV: Yes. UV: I did. OA: wELL. THAT'S FUCKING WICKEd. OA: um.(edited) OA: rEAL WICKEd. MH: Indeed. MH: So what are you up to today Riccin? I know Vadaya is doing his certification. working. What about you?(edited) OA: hIDING FROM THE LEGIs. MH: Smart plan. OA: gOT SOME HARDWARE GLITCHES GOING ON WITH THE HANDHELDs. OA: sO I AM FUCKING free, IF I KEEP MY HEAD BOWED LOw. :o) OA: ha. OA: aIN'T IT JUSt? MH: From what I saw of the legis you HAVE been working with, they're a trashfire. MH: I can't imagine what it's like to work with DS. UV: Oh. UV: Them. MH: The trashfire. MH: I find it hard to respect someone like that, if I'm honest. OA: oH, COME, NOW, AIN'T NO NEED TO START DRAGGIn'. OA: bROTHER IS THE MOST USELESS SHADE OF MOTHERFUCKER, BUT HE'S A SUBJUG, THROUGH AND THROUGh. OA: sUPPOSE IT'S MY place TO BOW MY HEAD, TAKE THE SHIT HE LEVIEs. OA: aIN'T It? MH: I mean. I guess. MH: But I don't believe people in authority should have that authority if they haven't earned it. MH: Authority is authority but it defeats the purpose if the person who has authority can't MH: MH: Well, I won't start dragging. MH: I have my feelings on it, but I'll keep them to myself. UV: Yes. UV: Lets not argue about such things. UV: It is not every night we have what amounts to our own private chat. UV: No need to waste it with debate. MH: Exactly. OA: hm. OA: wELl. OA: tHAT'S TRUe. :o) OA: bUT YOU KNOW ME. I AM JUST SO AWFULLY mealy-mouthed WHEN YOU HAUL ME OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS SHIt. OA: wHAT THE FUCK CAN WE EVEN TALK ABOUT IN HERe? UV: I am uncertain. UV: I have no idea. UV: You wanted to see about making a threesome chat. UV: So i did. OA: OA: ha. OA: sO I DID, AND YOU SO KINDLY OBLIGEd. :o) OA: wELL, SHIT, Uh. OA: yOU MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA SEE THE ISE OFFICe? OA: aIN'T EXACTLY HEADQUARTERs. OA: bUT SHIT, I CAN GIVE YOU THE TOUr. MH: Considering I'm just sitting around on waterfront doing nothing, sure. MH: Since this was Riccin's idea, I say they should be the ones leading the conversation train here. UV: Make sure it does not get broadcasted to the general chat. MH: I can keep an eye out to let you know if any messages slip so you can delete them. OA: aIN'T YOU A FUCKING DEAr. OA: lET ME JUSt - OA: there we fucking go. speech to goddamn text. and they said technology was hard. ha.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] has started up a VIDEO CHAT! The camera's actually remarkably crisp, and it goes on a slow pan around the room they're in. It's.. a fairly standard legislacerator dorm, all things considered. There's a picture of the Imperial Symbol standing on the mantle. The ceiling tiles are a fetching shape of neon red. -- -- There's a tealblood on the opposite bed, studiously ignoring them. --

OA: where to first? we got all sorts of spots in here. OA: training rooms, and shit. UV: Why not the training rooms?

-- There's a long jostling pan through the hallways! So much red. SO MUCH RED. Tall, swooping archways, in a tacky, 1920's bank kind of way: it's less utilarian and more clearly repurposed from an older building. The phone pans over a cluster of subjuggulators near a statue, some neophyte legislacerators gossiping near a doorway, someone with a drone on a leash --

OA: wait. wait, shit, which training room? OA: guess we could go snooping on the clowns, cousin. ain't no big. why, pull up my scarf proper, ain't nobody gonna pay no mind. OA: or we could look at the legi's shit. OA: you know they got an actual fucking courtblock? MH: Is that a drone on a leash? MH: Why does someone have a drone on a leash? UV: Hm UV: Why not the Mirthful first? OA: huh. OA: didn't you know, girl? OA: jades fuckin' breed 'em. the little ones. OA: should have that motherfucker on a full harness, though. OA: keep it from going feral on someone. MH: Well, I knew they came from the caverns. But why do they have one. UV: I am sure they can be handy in that line of work. UV: If for the intimidation factor alone. MH: You know what, that's fair.(edited) OA: hahaha. OA: because it's the legis office, sister. imperial.. uh. shit. let me check the sign. OA: OA: imperial social enforcement. we got some cavewretches in here, all dressed up in teal. OA: caverns need their watchdogs, after all. OA: otherwise folks start thinkin' the dark blinds the empire's eyes. OA: and naaaah. MH: Ah. Sounds about right. MH: They hunt rebels and mutants, right? UV: I believe the ise do all sorts of things. UV: Depending on the branch. OA: the two i'm with, yeah. OA: proper fucking hunters. OA: hold up -- OA: aLRIGHT, SWITCHING BACK TO VOICE, THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS DON'T NEED TO KNOW I'M FUCKING NARRATINg. MH: Yeah. MH: Might be for the best.

-- The camera pans as they wander through one door, and into.. the indigo training area. It's very clearly set up for subjuggulators: there's spotted carpets on the ground, enough indigo draped across the walls that it looks like a tent, and recruits in various states of uniform wandering between the stations, and through a pair of open archways in the back. Some are wearing crowns. The center of the room has a pit, and Riccin steps towards it briefly, before treating back to a corner. It's still easy enough to see the stations, though, and the indigoes settling on psi-crowns at them. --

OA: ha. OA: tO SAY THE VERY LEASt. :o) OA: tHEY DO AL SORTS OF SHIT, SISTER. COUNSEL QUADS. HUNT DOWN REBELS. I'M WITH THE HUNTERs. OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ME DOING PAPERWORK, OR QUAD COUNSELLING, OR TAXES, OR ANY OF THAT SHIt. OA: iT'D BE A PROPER WASTE OF TALENt. MH: What's up with the trolls at the stations? What are they doing? OA: aIN'T YOU EVER SEEN A GUNNEr? OA: i CAN'T GET TOO NEAR TO TAKE A VID, SISTER, LESS YOU WANT ME SPRINGING A LEAk. OA: yOU PUT ON THE CROWN, SHIT AMPLIFIEs. OA: tESTS YOUR PSYCHIC SHIT, PULLS IT OUT STRAIGHT, AND SEES HOW FAR YOU CAN GO - HOW FAR IT CAN BE pushed - BEFORE THE STRING SNAPs.(edited) UV: I doubt lu has much experience with those sort of thing. UV: Hmmm. MH: I don't. OA: :o? OA: hUh. MH: It's the first time I've seen something like that. MH: Sounds. Interesting. MH: I'm sure it's not as painful as you made it sound to be though. MH: Right? OA: wHAT, PAINFUL FOR THEm? OA: iT'S A STRESS TEST, GIRL, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET NOTHING MORE PAINFUL THAN THAt. OA: aMPLIFIERS ARE THE EMPRESS'S OWN PUNISHMENt. MH: Riccin. I know nothing about psionics or the technology used on them. MH: So you'll have to be patient with me if I sound a bit ignorant. OA: :o? OA: hUh. OA: mY BAD, GIRL. FORGET YOU FUCKERS AIN'T ALL.. EDUCATED ON THIS SHIt. OA: OA: sHIT, GOTTA GO. I'LL FINISH THIS LATEr. OA: oR JUST SEND PICS, HELl. :o)

-- obstructedAntiquity has left the PM! --

UV: Ah. UV: It is probably for the best. UV: I should not have been watching a stream. MH: Aw. MH: Yeah. You've been on a long break haven't you? Or have you been sneaking into the chat this entire time? UV: I have been multitasking. UV: The testing is. UV: Simple. UV: Boring. MH: .... Do you want me to leave you to it or would you like me to stick around? UV: I should focus. UV: I will let you go. MH: Very well. MH: Good luck. I hope it goes well. UV: Thank you.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has stopped trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!-

In the aftermath of the server glitching, Vadaya messages Riccin while helming, and ID pops up to browbeat a perceived saboteur in his server.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: Good evening comma riccin. UV: Failure again. UV: lol OA: hA. WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE FUCKING TRYINg. :o) OA: sHIT'S WHAT FUCKING COUNTS. OA:

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: What?

- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV] !-

UV: ????? UV: oh what the fuck UV: who is this UV: whats going on ID: You! UV: you! ID: I cannot believe you have the AUDACITY to show up in my server again. ID: After last time! UV: who the hell are you! UV: Ah. UV: ...... oh no theyre squishy ID: No~ooo, space cadet, you've gotten the script all confused! ID: That's what I'm here to ask YOU. UV: Correct. UV: oh no UV: vadaya UV: Why would you use a name at a time like this? ID: D'you think just because you're coming from some dinky little imperial server, sweetheart, you get to swan in here and start testing out your wings? ID: Clipping other folks feathers? ID: ID: Are there two of you in there? ID: Oh, for fuck's sake. ID: It's a handle, darlings, not a clown car! UV: your name has been used all over in conjunction with your handle on the server UV: are you telling me the helm who runs this cant just search your name and boop :heart_exclamation: find you? UV: There are two of us. ID: Lovely! Stupendous! I am just ecstatic with joy, sugargrubs, just flushing pink with it all the way through. ID: Two of you, and you still didn't have the common sense not go trying to punch poor, innocent sysop's, just trying to do their job, right in the horn! UV: alright alright UV: so like UV: My apologies. UV: whats happening now UV: like whats going on here going forward UV: are you coming to yell at us ID: Am I yelling right now? UV: metaphorically UV: I do not think they are yelling. ID: Of course I'm here to yell at you! UV: and there we go UV: I am incorrect. ID: p(●｀□´●)q UV: ..... UV: thats adorable UV: i cant even be mad ID: You are destroying ID: ID: Isn't it just? UV: Ah. UV: That is hard to understand. ID: But, oh, don't think complimenting my emojis will save you from this! (๑•̀д•́๑) UV: view it as a picture not text UV: wait UV: How do you view it as a picture. UV: Question mark. ID: UV: °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ID: How are you so bad at this, sugargrub? Good heavens! ID: Just do your head a little tilt and convert it! UV: thats because he IS new UV: why do you think im here ID: I don't know, since it obviously isn't to keep him from punching holes into my server! UV: its all just for shits and giggles UV: i wasnt here for that! UV: That was my first time in the system. UV: My apologies. UV: he had no idea what another helm felt like UV: and now im here! to tell him what to do and not do ID: So you hooked up some poor little wriggler, and promptly set him loose on the internet, to go nipping at my vines, tearing at my wires? UV: well no not you UV: not anyone UV: he did it for shits and giggles ID: My server isn't the testing ground for ID: ID: Oh, well, that's better. UV: I did not do it for. UV: That. UV: hold on hold on UV: okay hold up UV: it was an accident UV: he didnt know what he was doing UV: and now hes supervised! UV: hes expressed a lot of remorse for punching you in the brain and weve yelled at him a lot for it UV: Ellipses. ID: Ellipses indeed! (๑•̀ n •́๑)✧(edited) UV: seriously though i hope he didnt hurt you too hard? UV: i mean with all of this glitch shit going down i cant imagine its really helping ID: He did diddly squat, my little worrywart, except fan the fires of my poor temper. (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) ID: And a little hackers in the wires aren't bothering the server, anyway! Or won't be, as soon as I move it somewhere a little more secure than this lovely little hellplanet. UV: I am glad that i did not damage you. ID: But I'll tell you want, Vadaya, my grapeblossom. If you promise - absolutely promise! cross your pumpbiscuit and hope to die! - not to pull such complete, raucous bullshit again in my server, then I won't ban you, and every other schmuck connecting from a helmsport, how's that? UV: me too (;´Д`) ID: Or you, and your clowncar mentor. (╯︵╰,) ID: I was getting there! UV: no that wasn't what i was me too-ing about UV: the i'm glad you didn't get hurt thing UV: thats a fair warning though UV: Grapeblossom. UV: I understand. UV: I will not cause damage to the server again. UV: It was reckless and inconsiderate of me to push on the server to begin with. ID: It was! ID: Imagine if I was in space when you did that! Why, who knows what sort of business I do? What sort of ship I might be piloting? ID: You could've caused frontline deaths, elderberry, and then where would we be? UV: shit outta luck (´ཀ`」 ∠) (edited) ID: Overtaken by Steelborn, and eaten alive by their fetid, horrible young! ಥ ^ ಥ ID: And it would've been all your fault. ID: Think about that! UV: (-@Д@) UV: Mentor. UV: You are not helping right now. UV: Those emoticons are distracting. UV: I understand. UV: ive realized i have not been sending them at the speed needed so i will stop UV: I am probably slowing you. UV: My apologies. UV: dw about it UV: o o o ohh you asshole :anger: (howfuckingdareyou) UV: (ಠ ∩ಠ) UV: I wanted to stop slowing you. UV: ლಠ益ಠ)ლ ID: Well! This is delightful, and bizarre. (´-ω-`) ID: Why are you duel-piloting, dears? ID: What's your spaceship classification? UV: nnnnnoneeee UV: Ellipses. UV: shits shits shits shits and giggles :rofl: UV: Sorry ゞ◎Д◎ヾ I'm terrible ble ble ble bleeee at keeping my words straight UV: doesnnnn n n n n't translate over well (idiotwaskeepingmestable) UV: Mentor has a hard time keeping his thoughts straight. UV: fraid i think more in tangents and pictures than straight words(edited) UV: That is why i am here. UV: practice makes perfect UV: he figures out not to punch people in the head and i figure out how to get my shit sorted ID: Well, alright! ID: I'd ask further, but I just don't think I need to know. Especially now that you've got me feeling all bad for you. ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ ID: What is it, burnout? UV: Classified. ID: You just punched me in the brain! UV: Mentor did not. UV: He is the classified one. UV: whats burnout? how messed up my text is? ID: Yes, yes, that. UV: Quiet MENTOR. ID: No need to go hushing him! ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ Why, we're just having ourselves a friendly conversation. ID: I could go rummaging on your connection, much like someone went rummaging through my server, but instead, we're just drinking our metaphorical tea, making ourselves a pleasant little time of things, because we are civilized. UV: Ellipses. UV: its fine UV: its been a busy night - probably not as busy as yours buuuuuuut i think were almost up on our alloted shits and giggles time??? UV: what time is it UV: I did not want you to become stressed comma MENTOR. ID: Hahaha. ID: Time for you to go, obviously. (个_个) ID: So sad! Have a safe trip back! Try not to trip on anyone else on the network on your way out. (｡•́︿ ~ ｡)(edited) UV: we understand your terms and conditions though and we do promise we're not going to go around and mess up your stuff. UV: (☍﹏⁰) ID: Well, gosh golly, as long as you promise. UV: so maybe we can all still enjoy ourselves while being respectful of the boundaries around us?? UV: (✿ヘᴥヘ) UV: we won't bother you a bit! i'll make sure of it! (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ ID: There you have it! (๑˘︶˘๑) Respect my boundaries, and I'll respect yours, darling. ID: Now shoo! UV: we're shooing! ID: Don't make yourself strangers! UV: Farewell. UV: ヾ(☆▽☆)

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling iconicDisquiet [ID]!-

ID checks back in on Vadaya, curious to see if he can pry out what the deal is with this indigo helm:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

ID: You know what? I was just sitting here, looking over my to do list, figuring out what a busy fellow like me was going to do with his evening, when I thought to myself - ID: Why, ID, you scoundrel! You haven't checked in on the little space cadet in weeks, and weeks, and weeks! (╯^╰) ID: And here I was, meaning to see how you were doing absolute ages ago. A pox on my bloodline, blueberry, because I have done wrong. But rending my garments won't fix that! Sometimes you just have to say: well, gosh, and move right on. ID: So how are you? （＾ω＾）(edited) UV: Ah. UV: Well. A busy. Fellow does not always have time for such minor things. UV: I would not call you a scoundrel for it. UV: But I would not call myself a space cadet either. UV: I am. Well. And... Yourself? ID: Oh, you wouldn't? You could just colour me pink, I am so flattered. ID: Should I be saying helm cadet? ( ~ ω・) UV: Mmm. I can not stop you from calling me anything. UV: But I would prefer my name. ID: Do you think just because I own this server, I know everyone's names on here? ╭∩╮ ID: I'm wounded, blueberry. I do do more things than just reading people's chats! Why, especially when they're so uninteresting. UV: My apologies. Mentor used it in our last. Conversation. UV: I was unaware that you had forgotten. ID: Oh? ID: I assumed you wouldn't go using a real name in that sort of conversation, that's all! (•ω•) But, why, if that's the case.. ID: My night is positively swell, Vadaya. ID: And thank you kindly for asking! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o UV: Mentor is. A bit scattered. And difficult to reign in at times. ID: Is that so? Poor thing! Well, I'm sure the two of you will get the hang of it, right as rain. ID: Helming isn't too hard, after the first few tries! ('▽')♪ ID: How is it treating you so far? Easier now than it was at first? ( ~ • ^ ) UV: Correct. It was just a matter of learning the ropes. UV: I apologize again for my error against you. ID: Oh, there's no need to apologise a second time! I'm just checking in on the name of solidarity, Vadaya. ID: Us helms have to stick together, don't we? (¯ u￣๑) ID: It's practically the foundation of our little community! We have to guide every fresh new wriggler to the interweb, just to ensure they don't go doing anything too foolish!(edited) ID: But stars and garters, it's so nice to hear you're picking it up! I was just awfully worried at first about how you were going to manage. UV: ...Yes, well. UV: I have Mentor now. Who has been doing their duty well. There is no need to concern yourself with me. UV: As you said. You are a busy troll. There is no need to put more on your plate by worrying about me. ID: Oh, don't you worry about me worrying! I'm like a furry mammalian predecessor to every pupa on my chat, and you are all as dear to me as my very own hypothetical, hideous offspring. Worrying is just the burden I bear! ID: If it weren't over you, why, it'd be over the disquieting sort of shenanigans people get up to in general. (￣^￣;) Fermented eggs. Really! ID: So, Vadaya, my blueberry, how long have you been rigging up? UV: Your chat is mainly pupas. And you do not seem to worry too heavily over them. I believe I have seen you more in private chats like this than I have in actual chats. UV: I would rather not discuss it. ID: No? Did I step onto an NDA? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ ID: I didn't think they usually gave folks of your caste pan nannies! ID: And nonsense! I'm in plenty. When I need to be. (｡･ω･｡) UV: Incorrect. I simply do not wish to speak about it. UV: No need for a nanny. UV: My apologies then. To an untrained eye, and the murmurings of the chat itself, you seem absent. ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. ID: Are you equally clammed up on those, too? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Usually one introduces themselves before they ask about the other. ID: Why, you want my name? UV: Just trying to maintain good manners. ID: Well, gee whillickers. What would I do if a little sprout like you wasn't here to remind me of those? ID: Would you believe my first name is Iconic? (•ω•) UV: I would wonder if you were from Barcino. ID: Oh, a shot to the heart! ID: (╥﹏╥) ID: Not at all, dearheart! Why, I have a perfectly respectable last name, rest assured, but I think manners says that a highblooded troll like yourself is supposed to do the honor of sharing that first. (≧u≦) UV: I was unaware that coming from Barcino was such an insult. UV: I think we are fine with staying on a first name only basis. ID: Were you really? ID: Why, then that's good! You've learned something tonight. ╰(´︶`)╯ But hopefully that won't be the only thing you learn. Pull out your notebook, Vadaya, I have some advice, straight from my own glorious mentor, back when I was first hooking up. And, if you can just believe it, she practically built the tech. ﾍ(￣▽￣*)ﾉ ID: Or do you think you've got it all already? Why, it has been practically perigees and perigees. ID: You might be a bonafide expert! ( ° △ °) UV: How prestigious. UV: You must be an important helm. UV: I am certainly no expert, but I am learning well enough. I have plenty of guides, you do not need to concern yourself with offering more advice. UV: I am sure you have much more critical things to focus your energy on. ID: Why, Vadaya, I bet I'm only as important as you. ʕ•v•ʔ ID: And nonsense! Like I said before: the most important thing is making sure our fellows know what they're doing. Offer up some advice! Lead them on the right path! ID: Smooth over little things before they happen, just because no one warned you it's impolite to go slinging fists. ╰(´︶`)╯ UV: ...Honestly, you do not need to worry about it. UV: I was made aware of my mistake. And I am glad that you and the server have not suffered any long lasting effects from it. ID: Maybe I want to worry about it! Why, you and I and your mentor are the only helms on this entire little server. ID: I thought we could share some camadery. ︶︿︶ ID: Maybe even plant a seed of friendship, given your awfully kind concern about my servers well-being. ID: And mine. ID: So generous! ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Incorrect. UV: There is The-Beat-of-an-Egret’s-Wings-as-it-Breaks-into-Flight-From-the-Shore. ID: Oh? UV: Perhaps you could offer them your advice. They did not seem very. Happy. ID: And what handle is that, Vadaya? (￣▽￣) Why, I can't believe I missed a big relevation like that! UV: Can you not find it on your own? UV: I am sure you were occupied with other more important things at the time. ID: I could, but I thought you might know off hand, if you typed up her entire ship name. ︶︿︶ ID: And I'm a little occupied right now! I'm just making time in my schedule to talk to you, on account of our solidarity, but I have some naughty wriggler on the line, getting a scolding even as we speak. ID: But if you don't know, why, I suppose I can just go look.. UV: My apologies. I am unsure of how you run your server. I did not think it was much of a task to look someone UV: UV: Okay, which one of the wrigglers is this? UV: You can be pink on this chat room? UV: A bit garish really. ID: I do work a job outside of this server, you know! ￣へ￣ Don't most of us? ID: And ID: - oh! A new face! ID: Why, hello, there. UV: Yes yes, hello to you too. UV: Can we wrap up whatever business is going on here? UV: We're a bit busy. ID: Why, sure thing! ID: I'll just make sure to let Vadaya know how Egret's holding up later, since they were so worried. ฅ'ω'ฅ ID: Have a good night of.. well, whatever business you're getting up to!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, another try: ID pries for more information, only somewhat successfully.

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Vadaya! ID: Are my little eyes fooling me, or is someone plugged in? ʕ•^•ʔ ID: I guess you could just be switching things up. Stretching out your fronds. Trying out a new quirk! ID: But that sure does look like the sort of talk you get from pupa's first speech-to-pan. UV: Elipses. UV: If i am disturbing anything and i was unaware of it. UV: I will leave. ID: Disturbing things? No, not at all. ID: Why, Steamy's having just about the best night of her perigee out there, chattering about all this techno junk. (๑˘︶˘๑) ID: I was just curious! UV: Well she seems to have. UV: Fallen asleep now. UV: I believe. UV: Curious about what? ID: She does that, poor dear. ID: If you were plugged in to chat, sugargrub! If you've got a cord in your neck, or spine, or forehead, letting you send all of these twee little messages straight from your pan to my monitor. ( ˙꒳​˙ )(edited) UV: I believe you answered that question yourself. UV: If you did not believe that i was plugged in. UV: You would not have contacted me about it. UV: Correct? ID: Maybe I was just looking to get some validation! You know what they say about assumptions, Vadaya. ID: Nothing good ever comes out of those. ID: So, on the topic of questions: if you're really plugged in, and you're really indigo - ID: - which I'm sure a good, upstanding kind of bloke like you definitely is - (o´v`o) ID: - does that mean you're one of those fancy new bootleg psis? ID: Because I have to say, I just wasn't ever expecting to see one of you make it all the way out to the field. ID: Good job, space cadet! ( ❛ᴗ❛ ) UV: Of course i am indigo, i UV: Elipses. UV: Apostrophe bootleg apostrophe? UV: I am not a space cadet. UV: Either. ID: See, I knew you were an honest fellow! ID: It's just something about your face, sweetheart. (▔◡▔) ID: And no? Not a cadet? ID: All helmscapable pupas are cadets, dearheart, unless we went and changed up our structure while I wasn't looking. ID: Which I guess is possible! Why, there's nothing like a commander getting ideas to go and make everything confusing for us poor common folk. (╯︵╰,) UV: Noise of disgust. UV: I am not a. UV: Bootleg anything. UV: I hope this has helped sate your curiosity. ID: Oh, well! ID: It's not that I'm doubting you, dear, but - are you positively sure about that? Not just pulling my frond for the sake of pulling? ID: Because I just know the Carnifex's paying for some cobalts to come through. Some indigoes, too, if they can finally figure out the right measurements. ID: Why, the last one they tried, they cracked her poor pan open, set her all up, and then went and got the temperature wrong. UV: Elipses. UV: You seem to know quite a lot about these things. ID: Hahaha. ID: Well, gosh, do I? ID: What can I say! ID: Just between the two of us, I'm a pretty important fellow. (~ ω •) UV: I understand. UV: It must keep you busy. UV: Perhaps i should let you go so you can focus on it. ID: Oh, you don't have to scamper on my account! All the shrines are keeping my office all tied up, with nothing to do. ID: It's downright tragic, that's what it is. (ˇヘˇ) ID: You sure you're not one of Shep dear's little projects? Hatched out of the slurry, all right and proper? UV: I am not a project. UV: And certainly not of SHEP. UV: Shep. UV: Sigh. UV: I was hatched as i am. ID: Hmm. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hmmmm. ID: Well, I guess you'd be the one to know, sugarplum. ID: And if you were one of her little gene projects, why, you'd be at the institute, not at.. wherever they've placed someone as unique as you! UV: Yes. UV: I would. UV: Is that all you were curious about? ID: Of course! ID: Thank you just for being so awfully obliging. UV: Elipses. UV: Of course. ID: Don't think I've forgotten you wanted me to talk to mister Egret, by the way! ID: Why, I never forget anything. (´｡• ᵕ ~｡`) ID: I'll be sure to let you know how that goes, sugarplum, but in the meanwhile - why, have fun with your little helming. ID: And ta!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, ID checks in with Vadaya again:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Hey there, elderberry! UV: Oh. UV: It is you. ID: Well! UV: Good evening. ID: What a way to greet a fellow. ( T ^ T)(edited) UV: oh look it's you again!!! :heart:⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ ) ID: Here I came bearing news and greetings for my favorite helm, and I get - it's you. ( ˙ ^˙ ) UV: what a delight it is to see you! ID: Oh! It's you! ID: My other favorite helm, bless your little biscuit. (〃＾▽＾〃) UV: I doubt we are your favorites. UV: what's going on now, did something happen again? ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ UV: c〳 ݓ ﹏ ݓ 〵੭ ID: Oh, space cadet, why would you go saying that? ID: Have I gone and given you the wrong sort of impression? (╯︵╰,) UV: well!! UV: the only other time i saw you was when dear sweet poor vadaya here had come and caused you some bodily harm! how could i not assume the worst?? (´；ω；`) UV: I did accidentally assault you. UV: It does not usually endear a troll to another. UV: What news did you have? ID: Oh, but we are so far past that, dearheart. Why, didn't I tell you before, when we were nattering on about poor little Egret? ID: Us helms have to stick together! UV: ╰(✧∇✧╰) UV: Dearheart. ID: I can't call you both elderberry, when only the one of you's indigo. ID: It's just not right! UV: and how do you know we're not both a delicious shade of elderberry ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ ID: Statistics, mostly.! ╮( ︶▽ ´)╭ ID: Vadaya here already said he's not one of Shep's little pet projects. So, why, what're the odds that there's two of you, going about, getting all strapped in? ID: Though, gosh, I guess you could be a pair of gunners. UV: へ[ •́ ‸ •̀ ]ʋ do i really not seem like I can be??? UV: We are getting distracted from this. UV: News. UV: (๑◕︵◕๑) ID: Well! Anyway. I've moved on past the whole little punching business. We ought to be friends! ID: Goodness only knows there aren't a lot of us on here. ╮(︶▽︶)╭ ID: And right, right, the news.(edited) ID: How could I ever forget? ID: Have you two met our exciting new fellow? ID: The delightful Overseer? UV: the who ID: We have an Overseer now! All offishial, if you know what I mean. UV: don't you mean UV: offishoal(edited) ID: Perfect! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ UV: (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง UV: Ellipses. UV: I have already been speaking with the overseer. ID: Oh! Is that so? ID: Are the two of you already practically bosom buddies, then? UV: Incorrect. UV: But i am aware of his existence. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hm, hm, hmmm. ID: Well! ID: If you are, that makes things awfully easy. ID: Vadaya, how would you feel about doing me a little bit of a favour? ╰(´︶`) UV: What kind of favor. UV: 【・_・?】 UV: ɾ◉⊆◉ɹ are you trying to network through us? UV: ⍨⃝ ID: ID: I feel like that little thing warrants a star for effort, dearheart, or a suggestion to maybe not drink and helm? ID: One of the two! ID: And not at all, my little bundle of grapes. (・`ω´・) UV: ٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و UV: I think it is better than mentors second one. UV: That does not look much like a face. UV: Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) ID: If I was networking, why, I'd have to go much higher than just some stodgy little overseer. ID: And go a little stronger than some internet chatroom! ID: No, no. ID: If you're just wiling away the hours, nattering away with him anyway, though, why - it's no velvet off your horns to just ring a bell if anyone starts getting a little too antsy at him, now, is it? (҂ `з´ ) ID: .. and that's not a face, that's a computer. (＃￣ω￣) UV: You are asking me to moderate his interactions. UV: Ellipses. UV: For you. UV: i bet you could!! you're nothing but sweet silver tongue and absolutely as sweet as pie (灬ºωº灬)♡ ID: Moderating suggests you'd have to intervene! There's no need for you to go playing clubs, when that's us moderators jobs. UV: us??? is there more of you?? (•̀o•́) ID: I'm just asking you to ring a bell, that's all. ID: And aww, aren't you just the sweetest little thing? (｡・// ᵕ //・｡) I'm just tickled pink you've got so much gosh darn confidence in me. ID: Especially because, why, I can't exactly disagree. (・`ω´・) ID: But I've already got one queen! I don't think she'd like it much if I went schmoozing with overseers. ID: .. of course there's more of me! ID: Haven't you seen mini-me? (･ω UV: a queen! Σ(゜ロ゜;) UV: Mentor meant are there more moderacullers. UV: Are there? ID: So many questions! ID: You never struck me as the curious sort, sugarplum. UV: Not as many answers. UV: we're a curious bunch! ˓˓ ⍥⃝⃝ ˒˒ ID: Why so curious? (￣ω￣) UV: You have asked questions of me in the past. UV: I thought it was polite to show interest back. ID: Well, who went and told you that? (o´ω`o) ID: Our darling CC is one of the moderacullers! UV: Is it best to ask questions revolving more around you? ID: Haha, oh my goodness gracious. Are we that sort of friends, now? ID: And here I was worrying you were feeling all bothered!(edited) UV: Well. UV: Perhaps not friends. UV: But for who told me to ask questions. UV: ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. UV: My apologies. UV: I asked the wrong questions. UV: What is your ship code? ID: Well, those are the more typical sort of questions. ID: But there's no need to go and get feisty on me. Quoting my words back at me! (`n ´) ID: Who says I have a ship?(edited) UV: (｡☬０☬｡) then where are you helming from?! ID: Space! ID: Same as you, isn't that right? (=`ω´=) ID: Or are you planet-bound? ID: ID: Why, am I talking to genuine wrigglers? UV: You are not speaking to wrigglers. UV: We are in space. UV: What are you operating? ID: The chat, mostly. ☆⌒(ゝ。∂) ID: Tell you what, I'm answering an awful lot of questions here, but you still haven't answered mine. UV: I just answered two of your questions. ID: The first, dearheart, about ringing the bell! UV: I will attempt to contact you if anyone seems to be distressing the overseer. ID: Perfect. (´• ω •`) ID: Well! Sounds like we're all wrapped up over here, then, unless you've got more questions? ID: Why, I guess that's only fair, to give you pit for pat like that. UV: Thoughtful noise. UV: Mentor? UV: (๑°艸°๑) what's your name?? clearly we MUST have a name that we can call you!! UV: unless you told vadaya but not me?? ID: Haha, oh, gosh, I did! UV: (ノ﹏ヽ) ID: So I'm afraid you'll just have to ask him! ID: And in the meanwhile, there's your question, so: ID: Until next time! UV: ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ but wait! UV: what if i want to come chatting again?(ఠ్ఠ ˓̭ ఠ్ఠ) ID: ID: Why, that's adorable. ID: My handle's right there, you goopy-eyed rascal. UV: so i have permission?! ID: Of course! Never let it be said I'm not a magnamious ogliarch. UV: gasp!!!!!!!! UV: Magnanimous oligarch. ID: ID:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] has stopped messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

[s3venpounds]

1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out. 

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on. 

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever? 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

[amaloaf]

All of them

3 Fears3 things I love2 turns on2 turns offMy best friendSexual orientationHow tall am IWhat do I miss right nowFavourite colorDo I have a crush ^ already answered these

Favourite place

my room of the senior lounge in my school

What am I listening to right now

a davenchurch playlist (current song: Something I Need- One Republic) 

Shoe size

9-10 womens

Eye color

brown and gold

Hair color

ALSO brownish-gold

Meaning behind my URL

haha Fenton called me a walking paradox as a joke and it stuck!

Favourite song

literally dont have one but im currently loving “Waving Through a Window” from the dear evan hanson soundtrack

Favourite band

either panic! at the disco or fall out boy

How I feel right now

absolutely awful but you sending this completely boosted my mood!! 

Someone I love

oh sweet jesus, Fenton and Ellie and Pear and Cade and Vinny and Dylan and Sydney and Daffy and Simon and Nico and Jayme and Kiwi and Arily and this is going overboard but i cannot hold all my love in

My current relationship status

painfully single and desperately needing to get laid

My relationship with my parents

no

Favourite season

fall

Tattoos and piercing i have

none, unfortunately 

Tattoos and piercing i want

a septum piercing, 1mm gauges, a second piercing, an outer ear ring, sleeve tats of intertwining roses and dandelions, magnus’ railsplitter somewhere (im still deciding on where..) 

The reasons I joined Tumblr

all my middle school friends had it

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i kissed my dad before 

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

cosmetically? five minutes max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

unfortunately i did yesterday  

Where am I right now?

at my desk, sitting on pile of laundry im neglecting 

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

i like it quiet

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

both, but unhappily 

Am I excited for anything?

death, also graduation i guess

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my friends Cade and Dylan are good buddies 

How often do I wear a fake smile?

….. next question

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

the mcelroys, specifically travis 

What do I think about most?

not to be dark but death 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

neither, but behind if i have to be

What was the last lie I told?

“no mom i totally bought this”

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont do either v much but i really like vids when i can get them

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes (i saw three ghosts in my life)

Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah

Do I believe in luck?

mostly

What’s the weather like right now?

clear night skies with a slight fall nip in the air

What was the last book I’ve read?

animal farm by george orwell 

Do I have any nicknames?

M.K., M, Loaf

Do I spend money or save it?

both? 

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope!

Favourite animal?

hgnnnnn cant choose, maybe sharks?

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping 

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hips Dont Lie! 

What is my favorite word?

bludgeoning because im a nerd 

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

CUT THE CRAP AND LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE GOD DAMN IT

Do I have any relatives in jail?

i deadass dont talk to my family but im p sure one of my cousins was arrested last week 

What is my current desktop picture?

that picture of the sloth photoshopped on a dolphin with the P!NK lyrics

Had sex?

B)

Bought condoms?

no

Gotten pregnant?

oh god no

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no but my first kiss with a boy i got sprayed on at a waterpark 

Had job?

im a partime paralegal 

Smoked weed?

yep

Smoked cigarettes?

for a long ass time in middle school (if im bein real honest im going to pic it back up again probably)

Drank alcohol?

ya

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

definetly not

Been overweight?

currently am

Been underweight?

when i was born

Gotten my heart broken?

plenty of times

Been to prom?

yes

Been in airplane?

oh yeah, i love flying

Learned another language?

took spanish for 10+ years and dont know a damned word of it 

Wore make up?

ye

Dyed my hair?

no but i really want to 

Had a surgery?

yes! some work on my ear after i fucked it up as a baby

Met someone famous?

a band called After Romeo 

Stalked someone on a social network?

i tend to go through social media when i find new accounts i like but its never stalkerish 

Been fishing?

got the license and everything

Been rejected by a crush?

yea, ive only ever had one crush where it panned out 

What do I want for birthday?

a binder 

Do I like my handwriting?

no

Where do I want to live when older?

idk, im praying i dont end up back in vegas

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

got caught reading awful porn once does that count

What I’m really bad at

ohh im really holding back on saying “everything” but if i had to choose wind instruments 

What my greatest achievments are

my art, my relationships, my baby handling skills

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

ill give you the second worse: “ well at least being a fattass made you bouncy”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy a house, get a super crazy nice computer, give some money to the friends listed up earlier on the list and draw for all eternity 

What do I like about myself

my eyes and my good heart and my ability to fake good things

My closest Tumblr friend

oh definitely Fenton or @whyldkratts

Any question you’d like?

feel free to send in your own question! 

Are you outgoing or shy?

yes

What kind of people are you attracted to?

soft bellies, thick legs and hips, nice pecs, soft long hair, nice lips

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

idk maybe? i hope so, yall can feel free to make the first move ;3

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no, i actually like it! 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my buddy Cade

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

ok

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Something I Need, Michel in the Bathroom, For Forever, Waving Through a Window, and Freeze Your Brain 

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh yes!! please play with my hair!!! ((and playing with OTHER peoples hair??? oh boy howdy dont even get me started!!!!))

Do you think there is life on other planets?

hell yes! 

Do you like bubble baths?

sure, no real pref either way

Do you like your neighbors?

NOPE

Where would you like to travel?

yes!

Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

*sweats* yes?? (probably my boobs and stomach, also my arms)

What do you do when you wake up?

stare at the ceiling and mentally prepare myself for the day

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, it lost a lot of melinin when i hit puberty for some reason??

Do you ever want to get married?

yes! even if its just a platonic life partner marriage! 

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep

Would you rather live without TV or music?

telivision my man

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yep! one time it went to shit the other time it went fairly ok

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

target and hot topic

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

normally yes but you gotta kno when to get the hell away from certain folks

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

OH yeaaah

Ever wished you were someone else?

every god damned day

Favourite makeup brand?

cheap 

Last thing you ate?

mashed potatoes

Ever won a competition? For what?

won a college science fair in middle school once 

Ever been in love?

im always in love

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter always (pst mines @emiglody95

Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr 

Are you watching tv right now?

no

What colour are your towels?

beige and brown 

Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough or coffee 

First person you talked to today?

my mother or Ellie i can remember 

Last person you talked to today?

Pear or my day, again i cant remember 

Name a person you hate?

Prestly, Kevin, Zoe, Mike

Name a person you love?

hmm ive already listed a lot of people already so lets go with: Wilson

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

remember Kevin from two asks ago? 

Do you tan a lot?

im outside a lot but my tan is mostly natural 

Have any pets?

my dog, Gus! 

Do you type fast?

yes actually!! 

Do you regret anything from your past?

im not lookin to type a paragraph so lets go with yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah,, 

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

every day

Is cheating ever okay?

no, but if your partner got seriously fucked up and it was a total accident and you trust them then MAYBE you can reconsider not throwing their asses out

Do you believe in true love?

to an extent 

What your zodiac sign?

leo! 

Do you believe in ghosts?

id better ive seen three of ‘em

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ Its fine”, she said primly as she turned back to the trays of jewelry. 

[jackdylananderson]

“How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip”, as reviewed by me

Recently, I got an email from one of my favorite newsletters, Roadtrippers. And one article in particular caught my eye: "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip".

Now, I've noticed something at this point. Many travel sites will have a guest author write up some travel advice and at the tail end, remind you to check out their blog, story, insta, etc. 

The author gets exposure and the travel site gets cheap labor. 

And I don’t have a problem with this at all, if the article has good advice. But today, this advice...this is not my kinda advice.

So let's rip through it. "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip"

"There were challenges of being on the road, of course; the tediousness of unpacking and repacking my car at every overnight stop, the annoyance of living out of a suitcase, and the nausea that would stir up at the mere thought of eating another McDonald’s french fry. Road trip food is fun at first, but eventually you get sick of eating like a twelve-year-old at a birthday party."

Okay, so the author should learn to:

Minimize.

Organize better.

Eat better. (Or don't, Taco Bell is my favorite mistake). 

"But perhaps more than anything else, I’ll remember the crippling loneliness I never expected to feel."

Crippling loneliness? Seriously? Sure, the road is lonelier. But the other side of that coin is independence and reflection. A chance to find yourself. And at other times, just some simple adventures like gas station buffets or the chatting up locals at the diviest bar in town. 

Tip 1: "Getting enough sleep was crucial"

Dafuq? I’m sorry, does that not apply to literally every human on the planet? Yeah, go for 8 hours. Got it. Check. 

"Something I wish I knew before I started this trip was: Driving takes a lot out of you, both physically and mentally. I had to deal with everything from an aching pelvis to cramps in my calves from pointing and flexing my foot on the gas pedal. My neck and shoulders got sore.

Is this bitch serious? She got injuries WHILE DRIVING??? You just sit there! 

Sure, after a long drive, you will be surprised at how tired you are. That's because you've been stiff and mentally alert the whole time. But I've never heard of someone getting calf cramps by sitting their ass in a VW Beetle for a few hours. Is she driving upside down?!

I also realized the hard way that my daily driving cap was seven hours."

Dang, tough it out, wuss. My buddy Joel and I just drove 2200 miles in 40 hours straight alternating who was driving and who was sleeping in the cramped back. No complaints. :) Also, I'm not sure how any of this advice makes you less lonely...

Tip 2: "Too much screen time made things worse" 

Okay, again, that applies to everyone. Cut back on social media. You're making yourself lonely, jealous, depressed, etc.

"Plus, writing letters felt like a diary entry and helped me get all the icky lonely feelings out (and receiving mail certainly feels more special than a text). Postcards are also great because the ones I received on the trip were memorable souvenirs once it was over."

Okay that's good, now you're sorta getting it. Letters are good. But you're still focusing on what you're missing back home instead of who's in front of you...

"I learned the easiest way to get it was to put a call out on social media. It was as simple as posting “Does anyone in Missoula want to meet for a coffee?” on my Instagram story. I ended up making four new good friends on this trip because they followed me on social media and reached out.”

Bitch, are you serious? You think we all got random instagram followers that we don't know but they wanna swing by and chat when we're in BumFuck Missoula?? I thought we were chilling it on the social media?? How many times did you ask "Does anyone in Cock Springs, Arkansas wanna hang?" Or how about Boston and yet nobody showed up. Girl, I know you got some flakes. Don't pretend it was all hunky dory, Miss I-got-4-new-friends-from-instagram.

"I also asked around my pre-trip friend group—because sometimes a current buddy had a cool cousin in Omaha or a former mentor in Spokane."

YES! Thank you! This is great advice. Asking friends (facebook can help) if they know anyone where you're traveling through or to is almost always worthwhile. Then give them a call and arrange something. 

Tip 4: "People I met on the road were gifts"

Wait, did you finally actually meet some people?!? Were they locals? Cuz that would make sense. If you're moving to a place (the author was checking out prospective cities to move to), you're gonna wanna see what the people are like. 

"When I first started the trip, I avoided making connections because I knew they were only temporary."

Dumb, dumb, dumb...

"I met a few friends using Bumble BFF (surprisingly not as lame as it sounds) and Tinder (sometimes a date turned into a mutual “let’s be friends” situation)..."

I mean, I guess that counts? But what you're really telling me is you were looking for dates or fucks or maybe friends. I'm questioning your use of "mutual", you tease.

"On the romantic front, it was easy to say “why bother” after a first date with someone I really liked when I only had three more weeks in their city."

Called it!

"But one of the best things that happened to me on this trip was someone I dated in Denver saying, “You’re only here for three more weeks? Well, that means we better try to see each other as much as possible before then.” And you know what? I’m glad I didn’t succumb to pessimistic thinking, because the time I spent with his person made my Denver leg of the trip even more special."

You're talking about a fuck buddy, right? Just find a classy way (for the travel site) to say it. Like, “I found several lovers.” Or, “I had plenty of romantic adventures.” Or whatever Gilmore Girls say when they head out on hoe weekend.

Tip 5: "Remember that it takes time"

Hold on. Did you even meet anybody not tryin’ to smash?

Tip 6: "Loneliness, like everything in life, is temporary"

Holy shit. You only met people tryin’ to smash.

Tip 7: "A nonconventional lifestyle comes at a cost."

You gotta be kidding me...

"I gave up certain luxuries—a bed to call my own, home-cooked meals, and, yes, easy access to friends and family—"

BITCH I LIVED IN MY CAR FOR A YEAR. You fucking AirBnb'd, ate out every night and hooked up with randoms! That's luxury, ya millennial twat! 

"Dana Hamilton is a sex columnist for Playboy and New York Magazine, as well as the author of the sex-positive travel blog “Eat, Drive, F*ck.” 

Now it all makes sense. Our generation is fucked. 

If you really wanna know the answer, it’s go out and meet people. It’s not as easy as it sounds, because frankly all of our personalities are different. Just go do what you like, improve your social skills, be bold and ask people the smallest questions, then go bigger. One of my favorite little moments came when I biked to the shores in Charleston. The water was beautiful from the docks and there was an attractive girl nearby. Idk what I said, but probably that the water was beautiful which led to good conversations and a quick bike tour of some of Charleston’s abandoned and “haunted” buildings. Talk to people. They want you to, whether they know it or not. :)

[very-cherry]

Hey. Hi. Big fan. I don't watch half of the shows that you reblog, but your enthusiasm is quality. Um.. this is super personal, so I totally understand if you don't answer, but how did you realise you were nb?

omg im so sorry you have sat through my tags for this long, buddy you deserve better lmao. but no this is super okay to talk about, and ya its personal but im alright with it bc sometimes its nice to talk about?? like its a lot easier to explain over here rather than to my family (rip) but yeah i can get into it. um, itll be under the cut tho bc its a long answer, so if my other followers (or people who may get triggered) dont wanna read like ya theres that

the short answer: i realised last year, bc of everything that piled up and me finally finding the time to sit down and Think About It.

(tl;dr: at the bottom if youre not here for the Super Long answer)

the long answer: gender had never come easily to me as a kid, like i understood that girls played with dolls and that boys played with trucks. but i also was raised in a family where girls could play with trucks too, as long as they still looked like girls. so from the get go i had a v “tomboyish” look about me, and how i presented myself. i found i was v comfy with the tomboy label growing up, bc it meant i could play with the boys but still be sensitive and emotional while the boys werent allowed to feel like that

my biggest stepping stone tbh was (is) my mother. now if youve followed me for a while you probably know that while my mother loves me, and i suppose i love her (still up in the air), our relationship is v v v v Tense. this is due mostly to the fact that she has this preconceived notion of what the world looks like, and how people should act and present themselves. for her, to have me as a child saying “i wanna dress like a boy” “i wanna be a boy” was no biggie bc i was Just A Kid and would grow up to flourish into a beautiful young woman. which, for the most part, i did. but that doesnt mean i enjoyed it. from the age i was allowed to dress myself, my mother and i would fight about my clothing choices (and i literally mean fight. she would refuse to take me somewhere if i didnt dress the way she wanted. would throw my own clothes at me or on the road outside our house etc) and she would dub my clothes “too casual” and tell me to “dress up” and “look a bit more girly, please?” which i now know is totally Gross and not v nice, but at the time i didnt know any better, i hadnt grown into myself. this, alongside many years of condemnation in regards to my interests and hobbies and things i just enjoyed and wanted to talk about, just Didnt Add Up to my mother. she loved having two pretty daughters, pretty daughters who could wear dresses and live out the life she couldnt bc she fell pregnant with my older sister at 19, and thus had to grow up v quickly (no blame on my sister tho, shes my favourite person in the world and shes trying v hard to understand me and loves me v much)

fast forward a couple years: i was 15 when i first developed my eating disorder. quite frankly, it was only upon realising that im nb as to how i figured out what my ed was Actually About. i didnt like my curves. i didnt like being “girly”. i did constant misguided ab workouts and ate three rice cakes for lunch, followed by nothing but a banana until dinner. my sleep patterns were hit and miss bc i would either write away the pain or stay up wondering what this Thing i was feeling was (spoiler: it was dysphoria). i tried super hard to love my curves, to own myself and how i looked, but it never felt Right. i never understood. i would see my psychologist and ramble about my ed and she would pinpoint it and say it was curves and i would always just say “but its not”. bc it wasnt Just Curves, it was the idea as a whole. and it was v confusing and scary, so much like my exploration into my sexuality, i just put it off.

it was combating my ed that helped me most, i think. it was getting over it, and forcing myself back into a natural sleep pattern (so i could actually do year 12 without wrecking myself). i didnt get over it until around april 2016, which was when i fell in love with the idea of self love, and decided to give it a go. i listened to my psychologist, and she was v patient with me, and was cautious with where i placed my blame (”yes its your mothers fault for making you react and feel this way, her words hurt you. but youre the one that decides what to do with that negativity”) and it was so so so helpful. she taught me that i was deserving of love, and positivity, and that loving youself is a process, and it doesnt always work the way you want it to, but you need to find what makes you happy and keep doing that. for me, that tied into my food, my talents, my friends, and my actions. im not going to sit here and claim that fitness is key to happiness, but its part of whats key to mine (to the point that i have been inspired to become a personal trainer and teach other people that being “healthy” isnt just about food and exercise). each person has their own individual things that keep them balanced, and if yours is painting your nails instead of doing sit ups fucking go for it - just make sure you find that thing, because it gives you clarity.

my clarity hit me in the beginning of year 12, when i Sat Down and really had a think. i thought back to how i wanted to look growing up, how i wanted to act, i remembered the day i first had a proper bra bought for me instead of a crop top and the way i cried for hours that night without knowing why. i remember not wearing shirts to bed and then suddenly feeling awful when i started having to. i remembered trying to wear boxer shorts and nothing else around the house and being yelled at. i remembered telling my dad i wanted to look how he did when he was 18, and yelling at him when he said “but dont you want to be pretty like your mum”. i remembered my sister cutting my hair in the dead of night in her bedroom, bc i didnt want to look the way i did. i remembered wearing all these oversized clothes to hide my chest. being uncomfortable when anyone (family or stranger) would say “lady”, “girl”, “miss”, “female”. shrinking into myself when someone pointed out my curves. looking in thw mirror and only smiling when my hands were covering and pushing my chest. looking at the scale and not seeing anything other than a number that meant i was stuck being curved. refusing to go swimming bc it meant having to wear a bikini instead of just board shorts. wanting to play on the mens basketball team, wearing mens clothes, being mad when i suddenly couldnt wear them anymore. overcompensating by wearing midriffs and muscle shirts and short shorts and lacy underwear to impress my boyfriend(s) bc i was their GIRLfriend and this is what I Needed To Do. wearing clothes around my first girlfriend that i was really comfortable in, and her telling me that im still nb even if i have to wear a bra for now, and that she wouldnt ever take my shirt off or act as if my chest ever existed if thats what would keep me comfortable, and me nearly crying bc of how validating and overwhelming it was.

it all hit me at once, and i was struck with the blatant honesty of what this had been all along. id ignored it and shoved it down bc i didnt want to upset my mother, disappoint her. i didnt want to be what she never wanted. but then i remembered that i am deserving of love, even if its only ever from myself. 

so i told my best friend, and she was so wonderful with it, and she asked what pronouns i wanted to use from now on, and she helped me ease into shopping for clothes. and i bought a binder, and it fits v well and i fucking love it. and i told my other friends, and all the ones who matter are v supportive and beautiful (one even offered to make me a suit). and i told my two favourite cousins, and my sister, and they make sure to text me that i should stretch when i wear my binder, or to take deep breaths in case i forget to and its v homey and nice and they want me to be happy. and i blurted it out to my mother and she fucking hates it, and shes threatened to “burn” my binder if she ever sees it, to “rip it off [my] body” if i ever wear it in front of her, that she wants “nothing to do with It” and that “its a fucked up idea” someone has “put into my head”. but you know what? thats okay, bc i Know who i am now. and sometimes things dont always go how you want, and sometimes the people who love you most cant love all of you, and i want you guys to know that if that ever happens, youre not obligated to love them back, okay? love yourself, love those who love All Of You.

tl;dr: years of dysphoria piled onto me when i had a hot ten minutes to fully think about it in between classes.