#yeah sometimes your friend or your parents can say smth mean but you can tell them to not be rude to you

[irascible-iridescent]

You don't actually need to even acknowledge the society's opinion on your life like at all

[bakafurai]

I dunno where some people seem to have gotten the idea that Kenji doesn't like/care for Rio or smth because like. have ya'll actually gone through her social link???

like,,,

and it's at this point Rio's teammates and Yuko run and yell at him, Kenji panics and then runs off. When Yuko grumbles about Kenji comparing Rio to a bowl of ramen, Rio says this:

Ramen is his favourite thing in the world.

Kenji telling Rio he likes her "about as much as ramen" means that he likes about as much as his favourite thing in the world.

I think people also seem not to understand how things seem from Kenji's perspective.

To him, his childhood friend comes up to him and suddenly asks what he thinks of her, if he likes and how much which. is kind of a random thing to suddenly ask your friend that you've known since you were kids??? assuming they were like 5 or 6 when they met, that's basically a whole ass decade? Like it's clear in the way he speaks that he's confused and honestly I would be too???

Another thing to consider is that he and Rio where alone, Kenji likely said it the way he did bc he knew Rio, his childhood friend, would understand what he meant.

Like, I can get that he can sometimes come off as dense or insensitive but tbh I think he's just bad a picking up social cues? (oh he's just likely me for real- what do you mean i'm projecting?).

Like yeah sure Kenji very likely only sees her in a platonic sense (sorry Rio my heart goes out to you honey) but to outright assume he doesn't care about her is. raaggh.

(side note: in reload there's a dialogue from Kenji during the koromaru walks where he says "I mean, I keep telling them that we're just childhood friends, but they won't stop prying about it." and it is very likely he's talking about Rio bc this is 100% "my parents keep asking me if i'm dating my childhood friend that is also a girl" talk. Plus Kenji doesn't seem to be that close to many people so. interesting piece of info though ngl so I thought i'd mention it.)

[ginnsbaker]

https://www.tumblr.com/ginnsbaker/720963002130710528/i-hate-reader-so-much-like-all-of-their-actions

Hii so I don’t have an emoji but can i be 🧃(if its taken let me know and I’ll pick something else) and im just gonna reply to some of the things you said :)

I get the delayed onset ptsd thing because it actually happened to me after a really bad relationship and I didn’t even realise i had ptsd until i was in therapy (partly cos i thought i was being overly dramatic 💀)

Also i kinda feel like the only anon who isn’t actually mad at piet because even tho he cheated himself in that situation hes playing a role much more important to him and thats protective brother which is made worse by the fact his sister is his only family left and she almost died EVEN WORSE the same way as a parent

Im glad you said something about yelena being fucked up cos no one else was and I thought it was just me i definitely agree shes the least fucked up so far but that isn’t hard when wanda and reader are right there i think yelena is in love with the idea of reader and who they once were rather than who they are now like reader is not the same one yelena loved all those years ago but she doesn’t see that. Everything you said in your response about yelena makes sense to me i think we’ve all at one point thought we could “fix” someone or at least tried and in my circumstances that never ends well because you can’t fix people like that especially not when they don’t help themselves. One of my favourite quotes is “sometimes, we have to be broken down so that we can be rebuilt into what we’re actually meant to be” and i think that’s what’s happening here the reader has been completely torn down until their last atom and trying to feel whole without rebuilding. I think that quote could also apply to reader and wanda’s relationship in a way. But yeah i get why yelenas sticking it out we’ve all done it with someone who definitely didn’t deserve us but love makes you do weird things especially while you still have the rose tinted glasses on i hope for her sake she takes them off soon

I haven’t got too much to say about wanda (surprisingly) but you’re right and that quote from the perks of being a wallflower has been in my head while reading this for a while now. You’ve also made me think more about my views on cheating because until i read your book i never thought I could forgive a cheater but there’s something about the way you wrote wanda that makes me want to and that was from really early on probably when reader is talking to nat and wanda comes i think in the diner. I can’t really explain why i think part of it is because in my own experience when my gf cheated on me the thing that bothered me the most was I couldn’t tell what parts of my relationship were real and all the times she said she loved me i had been lied to. In wanda’s case for some reason i still don’t think she ever lied about loving the reader and i know thats a contradiction because she cheated but theres just something that makes me think that and part of it might be i still don’t understand her reason for cheating and like i said am waiting for a big hoaxy reveal that is was blackmail or smth because thats how little it makes sense. I was actually planning on keeping this part brief so my bad 😂 but i hope she has therapy and learns to view herself better and accept love and i mean read love not being used.

Reader is definitely the villain of the story i know theyre trying to hold it together but surely they must realise the damage they are causing snd the GIANT need for therapy

🧃 Emoji is yours :) I don't have many anons yet, so much of the emojis are still available.

I'm sorry to hear about the bad relationship you had. No one deserves to go through it, although it happens to a lot of us. But thank god, we're survivors, aren't we?

Yeah, thank you for saying that on Piet's behalf. I'm an only child, but that only made me more protective of my friends who I treat as my siblings. My best friends have all cheated on their partners at one point in their lives and I had numerous fights with them for it, but at the end of the day, I'm their ride or die, I will protect them at all cost.

Well, said about Yelena. Can't really add anything more to that.

Re: Wanda - with your own experiences, I think the greatest struggle is the trust. That was the one that was broken, not the love. (Am I correct?) You can't trust your past, your present and your future. And that is such a struggle when you love someone, but you're not certain if it's real for them. Thanks for sharing something so personal, even if you're on anon.

I'm going to tell you as early as now, there's no big, shocking reveal that will make you think "oh, so i get why she cheated, because of that reason, maybe i'll give her a pass". Like you said, the cheating makes little sense. And that's the biggest conflict in the story-> it doesn't make sense, why do it?

The only reveal I can spoil is Wanda's own fucked up childhood and the little issues she has with her marriage to R that piled up unknowingly. R is good, and faithful and supportive, but it doesn't mean you can 100% supply all your partner's needs. Like I said, in IFISS which was told in R's perspective, R thought her marriage was perfect and loving. But did Wanda feel the same?

Whew that was long! But I live for these kinds of discussions, because I haven't let any friends in real life read this story, lol not even my gf cause she's not really a reader.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts :) hope to hear from you in the next chapter.

[cocozydiaries]

omg tysm for asking because i had to think sm about my dr more than i already had🙄 jk jk i LOVED the questions :>

long ass post again☹️

Are you like a transfer or did you get in like UA like any other student through the exams?

Okay so for this i scripted that i’m gonna to shift to my dr like a month or two before the exams. So im honestly not too sure yet?

anyways one thing i do know is i want to attempt to get into UA like completely by myself. So i havent scripted that i’m gonna get in i just want to try my best and see if i do get in.

If i flop i’m becoming a villain🙄 or maybe switching that dr to my vigilante mha dr? Jk jk if i flop i’ll probably shift to a reality where i did get in but before that i just want to know if i can get in. So yes I am going to attempt get in through the exams and not the recommendations either. Everyone say nuh uh to nepotism.

BUT

i also wanna have that at least one silly mc moment and pull up like a little late🙄 so idk might decide to be a transfer student or i might not

also another reason to be a transfer student i would hopefully get to avoid the usj incident

guys. i am so fucking scared of the usj incident.

I must know what class did you get into?

For this i scripted that IF i do get into UA i want to be in class 1A coz that’s where all the fun stuff happens but ofc i also want to be friends with the students in class 1b.

Are any of your classmates suspicious about your past?

No they don’t know much about my past. Based on the questions they ask me and the vague responses i give them they just know my parents are involved in some kind of hero work. But maybe not necessarily heroes themselves. How i love a good half truth.

So any time i demonstrate any cool quirk skills/knowledge they just assume that i’ve been training with them. Kinda like todoroki ig?

(actually on second thoughts maybe i’ll just lie about their careers entirely idk i’ll find out when i shift ig)

Are any of the pro heros like idk Mr. Aizawa aware of your past?

Since my parents sometimes work with pro heroes I have met a couple of them but Mr Aizawa specifically…?

This question is a little iffy because pro heroes might not be aware of me specifically. The way these spy agencies work is on a need to know basis. So if a spy happens to have to work or team up with a pro hero they’re probably given a rundown.

If they’re on that “need to know basis” some pro heroes might know a little bit more like the whole child spy thing. Anyone who has a hand it in probably knows.

Honestly tho considering that i’m going to UA my life is going to be pretty broadcasted anyways. Take the sports festival for instance, people were still casually recognising the students in 1A when they were out and about minding their business weeks after the sports festival.

So yeah i am gonna end up working at my parent’s company however my spy life will probably be different to what I’m expecting since by going to UA i’m announcing myself to the world. Pretty sure that’s the exact opposite of what laying low means.

For me going to UA wasn’t smth i thought i was gonna even be allowed to do but for whatever reason it was approved so chances are they must have some kind of plan for me. I’m not sure what it is so I’m pretty much in the dark.

Sooo because of that i feel like it would make sense for Mr. Aizawa to know i have some pre planned out future for me as a spy. But at the same time? Would it? Like that’s not very need to know basis but UA seems to be very aware of more than just school related things. Plus Principle Nezu is like yk Principle Nezu. Can stuff even slip past his radar?

Lowkey i’m leave this one up to my subconscious aka gonna find out once i shift because this isn’t really a me choice. My dr parents and their company can deal with that i’m just gonna see how everything plays out.

Quirk introduction when?? it is NOT enough to just tell me you flooded the place babe?

LMAOO I’m gonna make a separate post for this but my quirk is pretty basic. I’ve always liked being around water so i thought a water based quirk would just make sense. My quirk is basically water manipulation. The flooding situation was coz mini me was thirsty so she decided to be a greedy rat and accidentally caused the pipes to burst.

Who do you like to spend your time with?

So i’m guessing with this question you mean in class 1a? Or like in general?

Assuming you mean 1a (and b!!) honestly almost everyone seems pretty chill so im definitely planning on befriending a lot of my classmates. I’m also most likely gonna be the bitch constantly suggesting we hang out and arranging stuff for us as a group😭.

Thing is i already know some of the students… More on that in the next question.

Who would you consider a close friend and who do you tend to stay away from?

I would probably consider izuku and… the other one old, maybe childhood, friends? I mean i’ve known them since we were kids.

My family used to travel to japan every summer and i met them after accidentally traumatising some of the neighbourhood kids. Unfortunately i did eventually lose contact with them after the vacations had to come to an abrupt stop due to the unexpected arrival of my younger siblings. So yeah seeing them on my first day was kinda like “wtf are you two doing here?”

Even tho this question is about students at UA i would like to mention i’m also really close with my siblings! (they’re also my actual siblings in my cr i scripted in)

this has been sitting in the drafts for a hot minute and you might as well get comfy coz this is a really long post (i’m so sorry) like whatever ur thinking it is longer. i’m a yapper :(

first thing i want out of the way: THIS IS NOT AN ANGSTY BACKSTORY i’m not about that life😭🙏 i want happiness and comfort pls and thxs (some minor stuff but only coz i couldn’t think of any way around it)

@keishawantskisses @livingmydreamlife5555 i posted my mha drself intro now it’s ur move🤭 (also if anyone else plans on posting their mha drself intro PLS TAG ME)

i’m so nervous? like i dont post about my drs much😭 anyways enjoy!!

Around when i was four i was adopted into a really nice family :> (aww so sweet)

With my family both my parents work as spies for a major undercover spy based hero company that works on breaking down villains from the inside by infiltrating them (you thought this was gonna be a chill backstory huh🙄 guess again).

See a lot of “villains” aren’t the typical villains you see heroes fighting day to day. Some keep their crimes traditional. They keep themselves lowkey while their crimes affect things and lives on a big scale. With these kinds of criminals it’s pretty difficult to prove they’re doing this stuff directly.

Can’t immediately fight a criminal if they’re not technically a villian. However they are still considered villains since the use of quirks if often involved and the use of quirks is what sets aside a villain from a regular criminal. Proving it is where things get difficult (think spooky gang sorta stuff and how often they can get away with stuff but then add in quirks into the mix)

That’s why these sort of spy agencies exists. To gather intel and then weed out the rats! (They also do other stuff this was just an example)

These spy agencies are also totes government approved (not to be confused with vigilantes which are also illegal) seeing as they work pretty closely with cops and some heroes. However for obvious reasons they’re kept out of the public eye.

To compare ig people would talk about these companies in the same way most people talk about the CIA or FBI. They know they exist and sometimes make jokes about them watching people. All that good old expected stuff.

Both my parents obviously know about each other’s jobs and that’s actually how they met me!

(god this is a long post)

Growing up my parents weren’t in the picture soooo yk. Care homes ig🚶‍♀️

I was around four when my quirk manifested. Long story short i accidentally flooded the place! Luckily it wasn’t insanely dangerous (only ankle level water on the first floor) but the place i was at still decided to switch me over to a different home meant for kids with slightly more difficult quirks just in case.

This place was essentially like the other homes just more equipped to handle kids with difficult or powerful quirks. They have more supervisors on hand with less kids.

Considering how some kids are placed in care after having just undergone smth traumatic to get them there, their quirks aren’t always very stable around this period in their lives. These facilities are meant to help them adjust mentally as well as assist them with their quirks. Some kids temporarily lose their quirks. Some kids lack control over overly powerful ones. Even in care quirk privilege still exists…

Flashy quirks aren’t as common as one would think so there aren’t a lot of kids like that and even less that are in care but whenever a kid like this does appear they’re transferred to these places to help them.

My life here, although short, was actually quite nice. I got along with the staff and the other kids well enough. I was happy and like four… like what else was i gonna be? Four going though midlife crisis?

However being the society that we live in quirks are pretty important and as such they’re a highly considered aspect in the whole adopting process.

In some cases some people might want easy to handle kids and so will want quirks to match that. On the flip side some people chase those flashy quirks. Hoping to mould kids into smth worthy of it (cruel i know but it’s a cruel world).

Some people defend these kinds of people by saying that even prior to quirks a child’s physical/mental well being was always smth that was put into consideration with these kinds of choices so by following that line of thinking aren’t quirks just an extension of that?

Of course social workers will do their best to make sure kids are taken in to homes with their best interest at heart but these kinda people slip through the cracks.

However my situation was a bit like the second. I was chosen for my quirk (just like all my older siblings were). With my parents they’re basically given funding (by that lil company they work at) to support the kids under their care and help guide them to follow in their footsteps. It’s basically a sort of investment.

There’s a lot of debate as to how ethical this is. The kids are given the choice to follow through once they reach a certain age but preparing kids to be spies… yh it’s an iffy topic.

Some argue that hero schools do a similar thing since people spend their whole lives preparing for those while others think it isn’t a fair comparison from an emotional perspective. Again this is a really forked up society.

As for the kids? They don’t do any spy work until they’re old enough ofc but in some very rare cases (like with my older brother and sister) they might.

Besides what kid doesn’t want to be a spy? Also they’re given the choice and any assignments they do complete (no matter how rare) there’s a set amount of money put aside for them once they reach a certain age.

The main thing to be considered when placing these future spies into houses is their quirk’s efficiency. Take my parents for instance. My mum is more suitable for short term assignments (like guarding people or whatnot) seeing as her quirk essentially boosts her physical strength while my dad does more long term lowkey stuff (espionage) since his quirk is more subtle.

My quirk on a surface level might not suitable for spy work but it makes for a great weapon if handled correctly.

So yeah. I have a future spy turned hero sorta thing going for me. I also would very much like to clarify this isn’t a sad backstory. I had a good childhood and a decent upbringing. My parents didn’t have to take in any kids but they wanted to. Also, unlike some people, they will still consider me their kid regardless of if i decide to follow their line of work or not. Cough cough take notes endeavour cough.

[lotus-flowerz]

hello hello I love your writings so far sobs I couldn't help but do an ask myself aa (it's my first ask ever help hwkajd) could I request perhaps gn reader that flinched away from the boys by reflex? (preferably with Diluc, Kaeya and Kazuha but you can add or remove someone if you want to!) like they were hanging out and reader was lost in thoughts and suddenly when they see in the corner of their eyes how the boys raise their arm for smth reader quickly raises their arms above their own head to protect it- how would they react and how would they comfort the reader? I hope it's not too much or if you're uncomfortable with it you can ignore it if you want to whaaaa

AHHH TY IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY WRITING! i actually do this too, some of my old friends would make fun of me for it, so i hope that my writing here is accurate >.<

i also added beidou in here, hope you don't mind, i just had to since she's my favorite character <3

TW!! FLINCHING, ANXIETY, PAST TRAUMA, MENTION OF DEATH AND INJURIES

SLIGHT INAZUMA ARCHON QUEST SPOILERS

KAEYA BACKSTORY SPOILERS

The cherry blossoms fell silently from the trees under which you and Kazuha were sitting. Those had remained unchanged since you and Kazuha were children. The beauty of the pink blossoms falling towards the green earth without a care.

It had remained the same through the vision hunt decree, through the war, through watching Tomo get killed by the shogun, through both of you getting injured during said fight. Kazuha's hand was burnt from Tomo's vision, and your body had a large scar running from your knee to the side of your neck from a stray bolt of lighting from Tomo's divine punishment. If not for Kazuha's determination to not lose another friend and Beidou and her crew caring for you, you would be dead.

These days, although you and Kazuha both carried the same trauma, he seemed to be doing leaps and bounds better than you were. Your eyes flitted to Kazuha, who was writing poetry. The only sound that could be heard was his pen gliding across the paper, filling it with his eloquent words that always seemed to flow so smoothly.

You were deep in thought, when out of the corner of your eye you spotted something coming towards your face. Instinctively, your hands flew out to shield yourself, leaving a very confused Kazuha, who was only scratching his head, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

"Dove.. did you think I was going to hurt you?"

You slowly lowered your arms, guilt washing over you.

"No! It's just- sometimes, when movements are too sudden.. I.. you know, I try to protect myself because uh.."

His eyes drifted to your scar, then looked up at your face, only to find it tilted to the ground. He put a finger under your chin, bringing your eyes up to meet his, then kissing your forehead.

One hand snaked around your waist while the other traced lightly over your scar, sending shivers down your spine. You wrapped your arms around him as well, putting a little of your weight onto him.

He kissed your lips, squeezing you tight against him.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise."

"Kazuha, it's not-"

"I know it's not my fault. And I know I couldn't have prevented it. But I promise you, you're safe now."

He brought his hand up to cradle the back of your head as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you." you said, squeezing him a little tighter.

"No need to thank me. I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too, Kazuha."

You had been a part of Beidou's crew for just over a year now, after meeting her in the wharf of Liyue harbor after finally finding the courage to leave your abusive and toxic partner. You didn't have a place to stay and you were clearly distraught, so when she asked if you were okay and you immediately began to cry, she offered you to come on her ship. You trusted her, since she was the well-known captain of the Crux. After you had explained your situation, she offered you to join her crew. You agreed, and began dating her about six months after joining the Crux.

Because you had been aboard the Alcor for a year, you knew the crew was loud and prone to get drunk. You had never liked to drink, preferring to quietly sip a small glass of dandelion wine while sitting next to Beidou while she drank a few beers and talked with her crew.

It was now the one year anniversary of when you had left Liyue Harbor, and conveniently, the Alcor was anchored there for a bit for a supplies run, imports drop off, and exports pickup. While out and about with Beidou, you had seen your ex in the wharf. They were about to come and talk to you, when you had pointed them out to Beidou. Beidou had slipped her arm around your waist, glaring at your ex, who glared back and turned heel to walk away.

Now, you sipped your wine beside Beidou, deep in thought. The loud atmosphere wasn't helping your anxieties, and you couldn't get your ex's glare out of your head. You didn't even realize you were completely zoned out until Beidou raised her arm to sling it around your shoulders, after she noticed you were zoned out.

Your arms flew up to shield yourself, and you spilt wine all over the both of you. The cup clattered to the floor, but luckily no one else noticed what just happened.

Beidou's face dropped and she quickly picked up the cup, setting it back down on the table.

"Men!" she called out. "Y/n and I are turning in early tonight! Make sure you scallywags have this cleaned up by the morning!"

The crew cheered their goodnights, raising their beers to their captain and her first mate. Beidou smiled, slipped an arm around your waist, and led you back to your guys' shared quarters.

"Alright doll, what happened just now?"

She closed the door behind her and sat on the bed next to you, looking at you with a certain softness that made you melt.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my ex, and how we saw them earlier, and I couldn't get their glare out of my head.. and I left them exactly a year ago.. I don't know why I flinched away from yo-"

Beidou cut you off by taking both of your hands into hers.

"Y/n, don't say sorry! You know, your ex wouldn't stand a chance against even my weakest crew member. They will never hurt you again."

"I don't doubt that for a second," you said, a small smile growing on your face, "Thank you for taking me in, Beidou."

"No, the pleasure is all mine. I couldn't ask for a better first mate. You're safe now, okay?" she smiled, squeezing your hands.

You looked into her eyes for a moment before throwing your arms around her. She squeezed you back, kissing your head.

"C'mon, let's shower and get this wine off of us." she giggled.

You laughed. "Yeah, let's."

Kaeya had told you his backstory, but you never mentioned yours. You just weren't ready to talk about it. Your parents had never been great, you always walked on eggshells around everyone, and everyone was all too rough with you, emotionally and physically.

You had met Kaeya in the tavern one night, while trying to drink away what you were feeling. Kaeya had noticed how obliterated you were and let Diluc know he was taking you to stay at the Knights Headquarters, and would keep an eye on you. The rest was history, and now you and Kaeya had been dating for a little over a year.

Kaeya had told you his backstory on Monday. That same day later on, you had a run in with your parents at Blanche's, where they had yelled at you for deciding to become a Knight, and proceeded to pick you apart from your very core.

In turn, you had been drinking a little more than usual for the entire week. You seemed more withdrawn and just not fully there. And it all came to a head when you were laying in bed next to Kaeya.

He went to put his arm over you, a loving gesture, but your arms came up on instinct to shield yourself. He sighed loudly.

"You're scared of me."

"Oh Archons- I didn't mean to- no, I swear it isn't-"

"You've been acting all angry and cold ever since I told you about my roots. I thought you would be the one who didn't leave me after I told them."

"No, Kaeya- please, just let me explain!"

"I'm listening."

You began to hesitantly tell him about your parents. His face grew angrier and angrier every time you told him another thing your parents had done to you.

"I'll kill them. I had no idea that that happened though. I'm sorry for assuming."

"It's alright, Kaeya. I didn't even consider that you might think I was acting weird because of where your confession."

"I swear they'll never get near you again, alright? You're safe now. It's alright."

He pulled you into him, wrapping you up in his strong arms and putting his legs over yours, making you feel protected and safe.

"No one will hurt you, not on my watch. I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too, Kaeya. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"No need for apologies, you were gonna tell me when you were ready. Now let's get some sleep, that dandelion wine I downed earlier is starting to get to me."

You giggled, burying your head further into his chest.

"Alright. Goodnight, Kaeya."

"Night, prince/ess."

You and Diluc had been dating for a few months now, you had met when he had needed to hire a new bartender, and you volunteered your mixing skills to the Angel's Share. You had caught his eye immediately, and he had asked you out on a date soon after you began your work there.

Your ex wasn't a kind person, to say the least, so you had been hesitant to say yes. You assured Diluc that this was just because your ex was unkind to you, but you had never mentioned physical harm. You hadn't wanted to worry him.

You were sitting on the couch with Diluc, his arm slung over your shoulders while you stared into the crackling flames of the fire burning before you. Diluc wasn't paying attention, as he was reading a book in his free hand.

He raised his arm up, attempting to adjust to a more comfortable position, but you misread this. Your arms were shielding your face in an instant, and Diluc was looking at you with a shocked and concerned face that quickly morphed to anger.

"I'm going to kill him." he growled/

You lowered your arms and looked down, avoiding looking him in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Did he hit you??"

"I, um, didn't want to worry you."

"Barbatos.. and this domestic abuser is just, what, roaming around Mondstat? No punishment for the pain he put you through?"

"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want him to come and hurt me. I also didn't want to cause any trouble."

Diluc rubbed a hand over his face, before wrapping you in a hug.

"You're safe here, alright? I will never lay a hand on you to hurt you. I won't let anyone else hurt you either, okay?"

"Thank you.." your eyes welled up with tears, "I thought you would be upset that I didn't tell you."

"No, never. It's a hard thing to talk about. If you'd like, I have connections. We can have him arrested."

"I don't want to cause trouble.."

"You won't. He won't be able to hurt anyone else this way. But we can discuss this later. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"That'd be nice. Thanks, Diluc."

"You're welcome, angel. Tell me if anyone hurts you again, alright? I'll protect you."

"Will do. I love you."

"I love you too."

[exodusin]

Hello! Could you please do a Michael x reader angst to fluff? Maybe where the reader is insecure about themselves and Michael comforts them or smth? P.S keep up the amazing work!! :)

(*ノз`*) BROKEN MIRRORS | M.AFTON.

Thank you for the compliment :D also sorry if this took long :(

art creds @/imsanlee on tiktok

#summary; you don't see the way Michael sees you. It's a masterpiece but his dad’s rude comments, made you think differently.

#note; none of the aftons are dead, no scooping, no bite of 83, no spring lock, this will take place in the early 90s.

#contains; William being a dick, self-esteem issues, negative talk, past parent issues.

#word count; 1648

#fnaf masterlist

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Michael proposed to you two weeks ago- you couldn't be any happier and eagerly said: "Yes, I want to marry you!". You were aware of Michael's father being inimical about your guys' relationship. But did that ever stop you from being with Mike?

Nope, but your emotions are saying otherwise.

The Aftons weren't aware of your marriage, so Michael most likely gave them some sort of news that they'll invite them for a dinner night at your guys' house for the news he was going to tell them.

Elizabeth was really happy knowing his older brother was going to devote himself to you, The red-haired girl loved you like family, "She's going to wear a really beautiful dress, I have to be the flower girl!"

Evan was a really shy kid but did have a soft reaction, "I'm happy for you both but Michael can be mean sometimes, just saying." which he earned a flick on the forehead by your fiance.

Mrs. Afton was super excited about knowing this surprise, heck she was supportive ever since Michael confessed you were his girlfriend, "I remember you two being young idiots in love and now adults truly embracing it. I'm so proud of you both!"

Although, William...

He is a brutally honest man and could care less what people think, not only did he make rude comments about you but when Michael was a teen and started dating you, William would say to Michael that he deserves someone better, saw you as a bad influence to his oldest son and youngest children, and...he wasn't surprised Michael chose you as a spouse because he was his least favorite son.

But the comments towards you did hurt you. The feeling of years ago when you lived with your toxic parents was now rising from the following comments—

"Just like any other tramp out there."

"Ever thought you were picked out of pity?"

"Are you're parents even attending to your important day?" That comment stung you.

You're parents. You haven't seen nor talked to them ever since you graduated high school. Always making you feel like the donkey carrying all the problems.

Blaming you for everything, nagging about your bad grades, the friends you've made, your personality, and your image.

But Michael was the only person to ever make your day the brightest, always making sure you were okay, reminding or making sure you were eating well and getting perfect sleep.

Yeah, he was the biggest bully in school but when it came to you, he's an absolute charm.

Always putting you first.

So why did you care so much about what William thinks? It's because he was right. That's what you thought, you were asked out as a joke many times when you were young, you'd be compared to other people from your parents and they wouldn't bother showing up to something you're deeply excited about.

But now you're starting to have second thoughts.

Why would Michael pick you out of all people?

present

You got out a cold shower, moisturized your body with lotion, and washed your face. You put on your underwear and an oversized (favorite color) shirt than a fluffy robe.

'One last check on the mirror...'

It became a habit nowadays, checking the mirror constantly before Michael came back home from work.

"Am I too annoying?"

"Do I talk too much?"

"Am I boring?"

"Does my face look creepy?"

"Am I really like any other?"

"Is my body not ideal?"

The questions running around your head you were paused when you heard that British voice yelled out your name.

"Have you fallen asleep yet? Don't sleep if you haven't eaten."

You made sure your robe was correctly adjusted and put on the usual happy mask to not worry Michael about your personal problems.

"Uhhh...no I'm still awake!" you shouted so he can hear you from downstairs. You heard footsteps get louder and louder meaning he was going to come into the room.

His blue eyes searched for you and there you were sitting on the bed, perhaps waiting for him. Once his eyes landed on you, he felt his eyes melt with adoration.

"Damn it I miss you..." he whispered then smashed his lips to yours, you kissed him back immediately hoping he wouldn't notice your slightly gloomy behavior.

"Did you just take a shower?"

You scoffed, "My hair is wetter than the ocean, what do you think? I just soaked it in a sewage pipe?" you say in a sarcastic playful manner.

He chuckled and pecked your check, "Heh, yea you took a nice shower, you smell nice, as always of course."

He parted away from you and rubbed your soaked hair, "Let me help you dry it and brush it, love." you felt butterflies in your stomach flutter at the nickname.

"Okay just don't brush it too hard..."

—

Your (hair texture) hair was now soft and dry thanks to your fiance.

"Thank you, Mikey."

The brunette smiled, "It's no problem."

You felt strong arms wrap around you and made you turn to face his beautiful pale face, his blue eyes gazing at yours with adoration, and that styled mullet brown hair that was messy.

'Fuck...'

Michael began rubbing your sides lovingly, then stuffing his face onto your fluffy robe which had your scent and warmth that hypnotizes him.

You felt your cheeks warmth at the feeling, for a return of affection you ran your fingers through his messy mullet which made him groan.

Michael's reaction to this was a muffled groan and glided his face down, his hands reached to grab your robe and move it out of the way to get better access to your thighs.

Just as he was about to treat them, a soft hand was placed on his shoulder which halted him. "Is there something wrong, Y/N?"

You faced the other direction to avoid his gaze which made him knit his brows together in confusion, "I-...I don't really feel like-"

"I understand." Those two words ease you but you still felt...gloomy.

"But don't think I didn't notice your behavior these days. Is something bothering you? Is it something I did?" he asked with concern.

You tried to hold back the tears but gulped and said a simple "no."

He tilted his head still looking at you waiting for a better answer, "Did someone say do something to you?"

'Say...'

"Sort of..." you mumbled with hesitation.

"Who? I'll beat the bastard or bitch."

You breathed in and asked, "Michael, can I ask you something?"

He already paid full attention to you "Yes, anything." and waited patiently for your question, your breath became a bit shaky, "Are...Are you sure you want to marry me?"

His pupils shrunk a bit and his brows furrowed, do you no longer want him? He tried to remain calm and respond to your question with composure, "What kind of question is that? I want to marry you. You're the one for me. Why? Do you...not love me?" the last part sounded like hesitation but you responded quickly-

"It's not that. I love you so much fucking much but...what do you see in me?" you asked, his face now becoming soft and sympathetic.

"Love, what made you think that. You're my everything, fuck if you told me to kill thousands of people I'll do it in a heartbeat." the comment seemed laughable but you still felt gloomy, "It's just that...your father doesn't seem to like me much and he's a brutally honest man...am I like any other...is my parents not even going to attend to my wedding day?"

Michael's Adam's apple bobbed in anger, not at you, but his beloved partner being depressed over the bastard of his father. Messing him was one thing, but messing with you is enough to impel him to break his father's teeth.

Instead of Michael responding verbally, he held you as if there is no tomorrow. He kissed your hair and all over your face, plummeting sweet things "No, don't think that way..." "I will never regret proposing to you or meeting you. Your beautiful, your mine. Y/N please. Don't think you're less because of a stupid 'opinion' my bastard of a father says..."

You tried to contain in the hiccups escaping your lips from the soft crying, "He's right though. My parents won't even attend my wedding they always thought less of me and spoke to me as if I was a piece of horse shit."

Michael sighed and yanked you closer to him and began smooching all over your face, "Please...don't say that...don't do it for me...do it for yourself..." he whispers sweetly.

"You don't understand how I see you. No one can see you the way I do," he says as he gently pulls down the sleeve of your shirt to get better access to your shoulder. "Your parents will make the biggest of their lives by not attending to it, your amazing." he then began kissing your shoulder.

You squeaked at the suddenness,

"You're beautiful."

"I love you."

"I'll do anything for you."

He then began nuzzling your neck, "You're mine. Your parents are the real shitfaces here, not you. Meeting you was the greatest thing that happened to me ever in my life. Our bond is unbreakable, no one can break it."

You began to sob and held him closer to you,

"...T-Thank y-you, Michael."

"No, it's the truth. You're the best thing I never knew I needed..."

[jiminrings]

i just reread ll (after seeing that yoongi pic on twt..... loml) AND UGH IM SO MAD AT THAT FIGHT WHY DID HE SAY THAT AND OH MY GOD WHERE IS OC SLEEPING OMG DID SHE STAY THE NIGHT AT TAEHYUNGS (not like that ..... nasties 😑) WHATS GOING ON. WHAT IS JUNGKOOK GONNA DO WHEN YOONGI OR SEOKJIN FIND HIM WHAT IF YOONGI KILLS HIM OR SMTH

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

you leave jungkook alone in your dorm after a fight — but at the same time, he gets left alone with yoongi and jin, who still aren't sure what to think of him especially now

aka part two of the ll couple's first fight

"i think i'm gonna crash."

seokjin yawns and says out loud without the knowledge that he's speaking out loud, his hands fumbling for the dorm keys amongst the numerous keychains he has a knack for collecting

"you drank one cup of coffee, jin," yoongi snorts because as far as he recalls two hours ago, jin even made him drink his remaining coffee because he couldn't take any more

yeah well sCREW jin for trying to stay awake the whole day alright!!!! he made a roadtrip out of scouring each individual part he wanted to add to his fancy PC setup he's been saving a pretty penny for

he doesn't say it at all but yoongi carries immense happiness in tagging along with errands even if it serves him no purpose <3 sometimes he just likes being a keychain to his best friends and he's happy!!

"yeah, hot coffee — the worst," jin elaborates his dislike for hot coffee even if both you and yoongi heard it a hundred times before

he's noisily trying to find the right key and he's surprised you haven't woken up and just oPENED the door for them, but he's cluelessly and thoroughly entertaining yoongi aka the guy who hAS his own key yet refuses to use just so that he could see his friend suffering some more

at this point, your neighbors probably think you’re getting robbed but thankfully jin finally manages to put in the right key, a satisfactory sigh leaving him when it finally clicks and turns the right way

the dorm is dark and noT dim like what they’re used to, probably something to be blamed to the hellfire of rain that’s going on outside

jin’s carelessly removing his shoes by his own feet, only stopping when yoongi harshly pinches him on the side before he does it to himselF on the inside of his arm

“ow! what was-“

he soothes the sore spot on his side because yoongi can reallyyyyyy put his two fingers close without pinching and therefore make it hurt even more, eyes all around the place before it stops on a familiar figure

a familiar figure, sure. welcome? not exactly.

"huh. you're still here? are you staying the night?"

seokjin asks out loud to jungkook who’s standing by himself beside the couch with his hands bunched, worried eyes fixed on them

"where's y/n?"

yoongi asks and it’s made evident how the both of them have different intentions to acquire for, but they all boil down to you nonetheless

jungkook’s throat dries because it hasn’t even been an hour that he’s left alone in yoor dorm, not expecting it either that your two friends would come home this quick

"that's the thing,” he mumbles and yoongi picks it up first, slithering around jin to confirm if he’s really hearing jungkook

what does he mEAN that’s the thing???

"y/n left."

jungkook’s with the two of them now but oddly enough, he doesn’t feel cornered even if the two of them are positioned as if they’re trapping him

he feels more alone than he is cornered, fresh tears stinging at the back of his eyes that he doesn’t want to show yoongi nor jin

"what did you just say?" yoongi asks more in confusion than in disbelief, narrowing his eyes at your boyfriend

"why would she leave at this hour and at this weather? not to mention, leave you alone with us."

jin raises a valid point to put into everyone’s head how bizarre the situation is and not to spook jungkook out, but it sounds like the latter to him which is why he snorts at the startled look

"calm down, kid. we're not gonna rough you up if that's what you're thinking," he reminds him because they’re not tHAT unhinged when it comes to you, walking to the refrigerator to down the nearest water bottle, ".... not unless??"

he still carries a playful edge to him because as much as he’s worried about you, atleast one of the three of them in this room should be far from having a breakdown to level the others

yoongi’s not done with his questioning streak because he presses further, sitting at the couch in your exact seat that makes jungkook gulp

god it’s now just hitting him that you left

"why did she leave?"

"w-we fought."

there’s slight hesitance in his tone because he’s not exactly surE if he should be telling that he fought with you to your friends, but he sets aside the possible consequences because after all, it’s you that they’re conversing about

yoongi nods to himself, having a hunch that the both of you must’ve fought and when he looks up at him, he only belatedly realizes that your boyfriend’s now blonde

"what did you do?"

he goes straight for it, startling jungkook

he’s not necessarily offended that yoongi asked him what he did because if you ask him, this is really aLL his fault

"i-i'll get to that but uh shouldn't we look for y/n first?"

...

..... okay that was understandable

yoongi knows where he’s coming from, nodding to acknowledge him

"not the first time this happened," he admits quietly and that leaves jungkook speechless, watching him intently which is why it made sense that yoongi’s not out of his mind panicking just like he is, "y/n left the dorm when she and seokjin fought."

yoongi says it even quieter and jungkook gets why, because as low as his mumble went, seokjin still managed to hear it

it must’ve been a sore spot that jin doesn’t want to tell him all about, atleast right now, because he looks down to his feet as if he’s been burnt

"it was a serious fight, but it was long ago,” he mumbles under his breath and the reminder of their fight which he’s tried to bury in the back of his head throws him off his feet slightly, “she doesn't really leave when it's just a petty fight or something."

yoongi somberly smiles at jin as some sort of apology for bringing it up, not wanting to put salt on the wounds as he just redirects his attention to jungkook

"i'm asking you for the last time, jungkook — what did you do?"

there’s no direct pressure behind his words but the three of them know that it would drastically help if he just said so

there’s no moral compass that he tries to steer because he himself wants to tell yoongi and jin, even if it means having to put the little respect and love they have for him on the line

jungkook doesn’t sugarcoat and retells all the way from what happened with the hoseok situation until he finishes with what happened merely an hour ago, almost scared to look up at the both of them

jin humorlessly chuckles and shakes his head to himself, still perched against the kitchen counter

"low fucking blow, kid."

surprisingly, yoongi became the lenient one

jungkook’s head aches because the two of them switched attitudes in a matter of minutes!!!! jin is the one that sounds like he hates being in the same room as him and yoongi is the one that tolerates hin generally

he could oNLY assume that the retelling of the events must’ve hit jin one way or another, somehow connected to what the two of you fought about long ago

yoongi takes the liberty to speak after jin’s remark, nudging jungkook by the knee to sit beside him

"y/n's hurt, of course, because as much as she had flings and casual fucks and whatnot," he trails around but doesn’t look to jungkook who’s wide-eyed thy he’s even letting him sit beside him, “you're her first boyfriend."

...

....

...... what

“i am?”

jungkook asks in confusion and the regret creeps up to him not a second later, the ringing in his ears blocking out the rain and even jin’s announcement that he’ll call you

he nods and kook knows that he’s not only saying this to pull at his tail, simply because he’s aware that yoongi doesn’t joke around with him

with jin entering his room to call you, that leaves him alone with yoongi and it barely registers in his head that this is the first time it’s only the two of them after that time when he threatened to give him a knuckle sandwich and the sort

"was starting to entertain and like the idea of you in y/n's life — our lives, y'know?"

yoongi initiates conversation and kook gets startled even more, tripping over his words because he can’t grasp at the situation fully

"i'm sorry, yoongi. i-i really am."

"hate to say this but," he clicks the roof of his mouth with his tongue, fiddling with his bracelets, "i know you are."

???

jungkook’s confusion at your friend’s words is what distracts him from his remorse, not believing his ears

yoongi believes him??? he knOws that he actually feels sorry for having done what he did??

"y/n doesn't like being accused, i think no one really does," he starts off carefully, “it's not my story to tell but it's for you to understand that y/n, y'know...."

jungkook swallows the lump on his throat for whatever yoongi’s gonna say next, a furrow in his brow as he chooses his words

“she doesn't come from a past wherein assurance is at face value,” he clears his throat, "that's all i can tell you."

jungkook nods and he tries to contain his thoughts because he doesn’t want to assume. he’s only gonna take what you give and he’ll willingly wait for that time you tell him all about his past

he does have a clue about your family because he asked that one time if he’d be meeting your parents because you’re a senior and you’re graduating soon, but you only shaked your head no and said “yoongs and jin are enough” for your ceremony

yoongi feels sorry, but he’s not sure for who :(

all he knows is that his heart aches, even if it’s for the boy in front of him that he swore he’d hate, but is now unconsciously worming his way into his heart

he’s no stranger to what jungkook feels because he felt the same type of territoriality and the insecurity that came along with it — the one he used to have over you, in that platonic soulmate sense he didn’t realize at the time

"it's not my place to tell you either, but sooner or later, insecurity will consume you, jungkook."

the guy in question nods eagerly because yoongi manages to address the struggle he has in his mind, acknowledging the issue at-hand fully

"y/n can't baby you forever,” yoongi sighs, “but you can't be ditched whenever she feels like it either."

:O

did...

did yoongi just take his side.....

jungkook kNOWS in the back of his head that yoongi’s neutral, but it all just registers in his head that for the first time, yoongi’s on his side, even in a sense

"talk it out. just sleep in her room for the meantime. fix it in the morning,” he starts to gather himself to stand, pausing to look at jungkook in the eye, "i'd hate to see my soulmate hurting."

the thing is, jungkook knows that yoongi’s your soulmate :-)

you told him that once and as much as you explained that it was only platonic, jungkook quickly understood it, much to your surprise

he knows he doesn’t know the entirety of you, but he knows that when he looks at yoongi, he’s looking at you too :)

yoongi gives him the ghost of a smile, making jungkook blink twice

"sooner or later, the two of us need to talk."

jungkook’s contented with that, smiling back at him

"good night, yoongi."

"good night, jungkook."

( ♡ )

ok.,.,.

“don’t come home, it’s pouring. or go back to your dorm, whatever. i don’t care.”

okay you dO in fact care!!!

it’s been more or less two hours since you left the dorm and you know this because jungkook’s been texting you without fail, only stopping twenty minutes ago that makes you look at the time

it’s 11 o’clock :O

either he’s asleep like he usually would be at this time, or he walked home

in fact, you don’t even know if jungkook is still at your dorm

your phone rings all of a sudden that it makes you flinch, scrambling to see who it was and you don’t know if it’s disappointment or relief coating you when you saw that it was jin

"and where is my favorite girl at this time of the night?"

you could only chuckle as you share a glance with the person whose dorm you crashed in, sending an eager greeting with his mouth full

"i'm at taehyung's. we're eating brownies right now."

when you knocked on tae’s door just two hours ago, the only thing he greeted you with was with a towel!!

he didn’t ask why you’re practically soaked in front of his doorstep because for whatever it is, it must probably be in good reason

truth be told, you didn’t even knOw where you were supposed to go but then tae popped into your head as the only sane person you know that would let you in at this time of the night without prior notice

it was a simple “jungkook and i fought.” to which he only nodded to, turned on the tv for you, and started baking brownies

"mhmm. what kind?"

you chew on the chocolate fudge, slightly chuckling at what jin’s insinuating

"the kind that doesn't leave you disoriented."

he hums at that and you could picture him swiveling on his gaming chair he bought just a week ago, his phone tucked to his ear closely

"the same kind that makes you able enough to come home tonight?"

"yeah,” you breathlessly agree, fiddling with the matching bracelet you have with jungkook, “same kind."

you could only assume now that they've seen jungkook and he's still saying there, all alone but with them

your heart warms at the thought that indirectly, jin’s making you come home to reunite you with jungkook, knowing that there’s an impending conversation sooner or later

"want me to pick you up? you'll get a cold."

"i'll borrow tae's umbrella. i'll come home when we finish the brownies."

the both of you know that it’s code for you just wanting a little more time before you come back, and also because you really wanna dO finish the brownies that tae warmly made for yoy

"mkay," jin smiled at your response, "i'll lock the door but just send me a text and i'll open it for you."

"won't you be sleeping?"

"i'll stay up. i'm not sleepy."

jin replies just as quick, a complete 180 to what he said when he initially came home that he wanted to crash because of the hot coffee he drank

you wordlessly thank him and he acknowledges it, happy to atleast know that you heeded his concern for you to come home tonight

"get home safe. love you."

it’s not only minutes later than you thank taehyung immensely and promise to take him to the aquarium as your thanks, finding yourself in your dorm that seokjin ushers you into with a peck on your head

you rush to your room and you’re greeted with the airconditioning turned on, seeing a lump beneath your comforter that you automatically know it’s jungkook sleeping

you're still damp from the rain but you change quickly to the first set of clothes you can grab from your drawers, not wasting a second longer

you sneak into your own bed, the same one that’s carrying jungkook

his sleep hasn’t even been the deepest and the moment he feels a shuffle beside him, he’s woken up immediately

“i’m here.”

jungkook realizes it’s you with the way your voice is soft and the way you hold his arm when you climb into the covers, wordlessly embracing him from behind

"i'm sorry. it's all my fault,” he says sincerely as he turns his body so he could face you, caging you in with his arm

"i'm sorry i stormed out on you."

he feels you nuzzle to the crook of his neck and it calms him down, the familiar scent of you enough to make his eyes close without fear

it only hits you now that this is the first time the two of you cuddle, much less share a bed

"love you."

it’s barely audible but it leaves you nonetheless, not expecting a reply in return but you get one anyways from a sleepy yet overwhelmingly-content jungkook

"i love you the most."

.

.

.

as always, lmk what you think!! i love answering asks :D what do you want to see from the lunchbox lovers next? send them here <3

[devilofthepit]

to the anon who wanted to know why i didn’t like my therapist after posting about it

when i told her i was nonbinary automatically assumed id tell her about it as if its in the top ten things wrong with me

when i talked about how my parents don’t respect my gender and thought that piercings made you a bad person she said the gender thing was more important than the piercing thing as if both of those don’t stem from a judgment of self expression

when i said i struggle to have a close relationship w my parents when i disagree with them on so many things and they’re big things and genuine differences in values like especially when we argue about israel and palestine or politics in general she just asked if id considered just not talking about politics and more recently pulled the “you can be friends with people with different values from you” which i mean maybe yeah but if they’re important moral values?? just sounds like she thinks im cancelling them or smth

when i asked what she thought of my dad saying if you don’t work hard you don’t deserve anything she said there’s no right or wrong way to think about the world like. girl maybe there’s no right but there are definitely things that are wrong

when i was having a crisis about morality she said i was overthinking it

brushed it off when i mentioned i thought i could be autistic

when i mentioned i thought i might have ocd she said ocd is just a manifestation of anxiety and didn’t ever say anything more, ig implying that we should just work through my anxiety?

didn’t really give me any tips for managing anxiety or working through it just let me talk almost the whole time and not give me good advice

didn’t really. help me just asked me questions that were sometimes helpful but also probably anyone not just a therapist would that helped me

my friends helped me more than she did when we talked

generally didn’t always seem to get what i was saying

always just turned every question around on me and when i would tell her i didn’t know how to feel and couldn’t think beyond how my parents had taught me how to feel just asked me what i thought

when i told her about a professor who thought we should meet about how to help me figure out the best way to use MY extensions my therapist said she sounded like she was just trying to help

that same session i was really tired and didn’t have anything new to talk about and we had 15 minutes left and she just asked questions like how do you spend your free time tell me about your friends??

always at least two minutes late to zoom

told her i wanted to cancel abt 22.5 hours before a meeting and she took a while to respond and said she still thought we should meet and then when i said i really didn’t feel up to it and asked if it was possible to cancel without a charge she took a while to respond and then said no

the week after that i told her i wanted to maybe stop seeing her and didn’t rly fully tell her why bc i didn’t feel comfortable saying so i said i just wanted to stop doing zoom therapy and she said that that wouldn’t be a good idea and asked more questions and i told her that i just wasn’t sure things were working out and she was like yeah i could tell that was a difficult session it was hard for me to understand what you were saying which maybe could reflect that it’s hard for you to understand it

then basically said that the reason i wasn’t getting much out of it could be that im not listening to her and that im too argumentative when she says anything

then said we’ll talk more next week

then i texted her that i really didn’t want to meet anymore and she said well let’s have one more session if you want to stop meeting since i care about you

guys why aren’t there rate my therapist websites. that’s like at least as important as rating your professors and sure there’s some sites that let u do it but they’re not well publicized or well reviewed or updated. can any computer guys get on this please

[natsukitakama]

Aww, you're so sweet!🤍 It's ok, I understand you, I have classes too so I understant that writing can take time. Well then, if it's ok, could you please write smth for Gojo x sorcerer s/o? It can be really anything - like their everyday life, how they going on a missions together, some fluffy or angsty stuff, literally anything. Hope you're ok with this req and I'm not making it hard for you since it's not smth specified😅

Author note : Hi there ♡ than you for requesting ! And also for understanding haha. It took me more times than expected because I had to read a little bit and watch again (not that it bothers me lmao). Your request is absolutely fine, I actually don’t mind when things is general it gives me more room for manoeuvre you know ?  

Warning : No spoiler since I’m still an anime only for now / Fluffy / Slight nsfw / some swear too I apologize 

Masterlist 

I already said it on my previous request but being a sorcerer means Gojo might be « distant » with you. Not that he didn’t find you attractive or enjoy you being around him (he craves for attention). But yes at first he doubted that you were interested on him because of him (he knows he is difficult to live with) or because of his position, money etc. But it doesn’t mean he won’t date a sorcerer. 

Times after times when you two became not only lover but friends, when he realized that you didn’t give a damn as much as him, when it came to sorcerer’s world. When he realized that you wanted to change it as much as he wanted too, I’m not saying that he would give you his heart but he will start to see you not just because he appreciates you but as a person. 

And that’s how he started to fall in love. 

Now being in relationship with you got his good point, you can understand (or at least got an idea) of his struggle as the strongest sorcerer, you can go on mission with him so it means you could spend time with him, both you can train together, he would be more confident too in the idea that you’re able to defend yourself (even if he would never let anyone curse put a finger on you, they would be dead before thinking about it). 

Before starting just a warning : not because you’re sorcerer mean he acte more like a grown up, no just give up on this he is bubbly and would remain the same, also he is possessive and hella protective no matter if you can defend yourself. 

That being said, how its like to date him as a sorcerer ? 

First, if you’re member of clan that mean both of you is supposed to go into the usual meeting, but since you’re dating him it also means that not only him but you would be late. It’s good thing that you didn’t give a damn (even if you hated getting late). So after getting scold for being late, you would assist on the meeting and well, one advise just don’t sit close to Gojo. He hates those meeting, he got him nervous, it’s source of stress for him so it needs something to relieve. That thing is you. 

It means that yeah he would tease you during the whole speech, sometimes he would tickle you, sometimes he would whisper dirty things on your and would lick it slightly, mentioned how he want to just throw you in the center and just fuck you roughly at least both you would be here for something, sometimes he went as far as to touch you and I’m not talking about him grabbing your hands : he would stroke your ass if he can have an access on it, he would stroke your thigh anything just to flustered you. He loves meeting because he knows he has you to keep him entertaining. 

If you’re not a member, he might insist on taking you with him since you’re still a part of the sorcerer society. Not matter what people would say, he doesn’t give a damn, if he says you’ll be here with him, you would. Exception, if you told him you don’t want to, or if you’re busy with something he won’t push it will whine and except you to give him extra attention and foods for letting him alone. During time like this he would sext you during the whole meeting he has no chill and no one would dare say something, he knows that and is not afraid to take avantage of it. 

When it came to you daily routine, do not expect anything out of ordinary. I mean if you can you would share a breakfast together, shower together (100% end up with your chest against the wall while he is having his fun with you) but then you would have to either go in a mission together or he would go for his teacher duties while you would leave for you own activity. Sometimes, you wake up with him not being here anymore cause he had to leave earlier for a mission, expect something like a breakfast ready for you or at least a little word on his bedside to apologize (also even if he is on mission, he would easily call you while fighting a cursed because he missed you, also whines a lot). 

When you two leave for a mission, there isn’t much to do I mean if you can manage the curse Satoru would gladly let you do your job while getting a little bit too excited because you’re way too hot, too badass (yeah he is like your number 1 cheerleader), if you’re taking too much time he would whine and complain though. Mostly because he wants you to do it quickly so you could spend the rest of the day cuddling because obviously he would come back with you at the Tokyo school once he is satisfied with the time you two spent together 

So if you’re taking too much time he would just end this like with a snap of his finger (that mother..) and while you’ll be angry at him for taking care of your business, he would just throw you on his shoulder while patting your ass and laughing at the same. 

Then you two would spend quality time together, having lunch, chilling together (movie, even taking a nap together) 

And then Satoru would be scold for taking way to much time on « easy » case which obviously he couldn’t care less, again he is Satoru Gojo what possibly could the old man (except getting on his never ?). 

Do not take me wrong he is afraid of being scold by the principal and you, especially getting scold by you. Cause it means no Mochi and Cuddle for Satoru, and he couldn’t tolerate that (deprive him from his precious Mochi what kind of torture is that ?). But then he would find a way to your sweet spot, one stroke from your cheeks, a little pout of him, and a little complain about how little time you two could spent together because of your job and so yeah he just managed time on his own. 

How could you be angry against him ? He knows he is cute and your weak for his puppy eyes 

But that’s is when you two could spend mission together, obviously Gojo is way more busier that you (still a teacher and a sorcerer) so he tends to outside more often than you even thought you’re pretty busy yourself. Except a lot, of chitchatting at worst time. I swear he knows when you’re currently struggling to hold your domain expansion or your spell and this is when he decided to text you about a video he saw on YouTube that make him laugh. And if you’re not answering at him, he calls you. 

Yes. You’re bleeding the shit out of you but that fucker is upset because he didn’t have enough attention from you he’ll FaceTime you at the worst moment.

Although sometimes when got bored during a mission he would flirt with you. It’s the rule. He doesn’t care that they are plenty of cursed around you, you’re hot and he wants attention

*cough cough*  sorry about that 

Sometimes when you got hurt during a mission and unfortunately Gojo wasn’t there to take care of that damn curse; he is getting really pissed. He won’t show it but everything can feel it, the tension is here all around him, everyone could feel so pressure whenever something happened to you. 

He barely left your bed even though you’ve been healed by Shoko, he won’t, he insists on watching you just in case. Will hold your hand during your healing process. After your accident, good luck cause he would NEVER let you on your own. Going to the bathroom ? He is right behind the door waiting for you, Going for some shopping he didn’t got money for nothing, don’t ever think about leaving for a mission either him or Nanami (cause he would bother him until Nanami decided that yes he would watch you just to be sure) would be their by your side. 

You mean everything for him. 

At some points, he would talk to you about his whole projet, about how he is about to kick those old prick out of the system and expect you to be by his side too (which won’t be too difficult considering most of them are ass***) 

Also, if students were kinda suspicious about you (like who could even be healthy enough to date Gojo ?) they quickly understand why Gojo loves you so much to the point both of you became their parent. 

So sometimes you’ll be there to take care of their lesson since Gojo in his good fashion way decided to be late or just leave to buy a new mocchi. You’re kinda became Gojo-sensei 2.0 

Everyone loves you and when Gojo appears to finally be the teacher he is, they all whine about missing you. Later than day he would whine while being on your arm, about how you stole his students from you. 

You didn’t you were just a better teacher than him but he is not ready for that conversation. So instead, you just stroke his hair telling him how wonderful he is, about how obviously everyone loves him they’re just shy about it. Stroke his ego and he won’t even be concerned about his lack of skills. 

[fbfh]

troy bolton dating hcs

oh yeah wildcats it’s finally happening

Borderline himbo jock man with an artistic heart of gold

Yk those posts where it’s like really cool ingenuitive jewelry or a present or smth with the caption “guys get so creative when they’re in love”

That’s Troy

Similar to Peter Kavinsky in the sense that he’s really social and popular and seamlessly makes you feel comfortable around his friends

Like he doesn’t let you feel left out or out of place

He’s very good at making people feel included

If you don’t know anything about basketball 

You’ll probs pick some of it up soon

Even if you don’t 

You listen to him talk about statistics and plays and drills bc he’s so cute and so excited and seeing him happy and passionate makes you happy

Can you tell I know jack shit about basketball

He realizes you know jack shit about basketball and that you still listen enthusiastically every  time he brings it up

 It really means something to him

Oh and since the only info we have on his birthday is that he was born in july there’s maybe a ⅔ chance he’s a cancer

Idk I don’t know how math works

But knowing what he’s like

I can virtually guarantee he’s a cancer

Maybe a cancer leo cusp

But honestly that tracks

He’s very a very emotional person

But like 

In a good way

Literally the most loyal son of a bitch in existence

Real shit for a minute

If there were any other movie where a pretty popular rich girl so influential that boys literally almost pass out when she gets too close to them looking at you zeke was constantly throwing herself at a cool jock guy, he would be

At the VERY LEAST 

Hooking up with her cause she’s hot and leading her on

Or like

Flirting with her or something

And YET

Troy “Respecting Women Is In My Blood” Bolton

Has never had a thought towards Sharpay other than “she’s kind of mean but I know she likes me so I try to avoid her respectfully cause she’s still our class mate and a fellow wildcat”

WHO COULD EVER

Like even in the second movie he could have manipulated Sharpay with very little effort

They could have come up with a whole scheme where he pretends to like Sharpay and gets her to pull strings for them

and he didn’t

That wasn’t even an option

He had the courage to stand up to her and say “I feel like you’re a bad influence on me so I don’t want to be around you”

WHO COULD EVER

When I say he’s the most respectful I fuckin mean it dude

Especially when it comes to like

Physical intimacy

He’s so wrapped up in the moment of being with you that escalating things doesn’t even cross his mind

Real shit

You’ll have to instigate a lot of physical contact 

He’ll hold your hand and maybe kiss your cheek

But like have you seen how long he gazes into Gabriella’s eyes before he kisses her?????

He might set up a kiss 

But before he can even actually kiss you 

He gets so lost in your eyes

He’s so distracted by you that when you actually kiss him it’s almost a surprise

The dates that he sets up for you

Ohhhh mygod they’re so cute

I gotta say

He’s a big fan of romantic picnics 

Tree house picnics

Park picnics

Rooftop picnics

A lot of other really cute dates including but not limited to

Stargazing

Midnight swim

Cooking and or baking together

Absolutely has set up a trampoline fort sleepover at least once

His parents fucking adore you

Truly you are always a welcome presence at the Bolton house

He has a little bit of 

Not quite toxic masculinity

But just old definitions of masculinity deep down that he’s working through

That’s why he feels like he can’t talk to Chad or his father about more artistic stuff

He feels too vulnerable 

Like sports and arts are equally hard work

But arts directly involve putting in your own feelings and a piece of yourself into what you’re doing

Sports are just as emotional but way less vulnerable bc it’s not your raw soul juice you’re spilling yk

So he’s still working through that

Any gentle encouragement you provide always makes a big impact

Whether it’s just singing along to the car radio, or helping Kelsi work out harmonies 

It’s all little baby steps towards embracing what makes him happy

Oh if I didn’t mention yet

He is so so so supportive of any hobbies or extracurriculars you do

Literal hype man

He brags to the team all the goddamn time

They know almost as much about you as your friends do

Vicariously through Troy

He likes dancing with you too

Sometimes it’s recycled choreo from old shows

Sometimes it’s just goofing off together

Any excuse he can find to hold you close 

He will take it

I really don’t even know how to describe that like

That one specific Quality he has

He’s really such a hopeless romantic

Like 

“Gazing into your eyes makes this moment our infinity” kinda romantic

Doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about apartments and life together with you bc the future scares him

All he knows about his future is he wants you in it

You can bet on that

[fureliselost]

I wrote a few things about the Sticky Wall Parents AU :)) it's a little messy because I didn't really organize my thoughts at all, I just wrote as I went

(I now realized that I wrote a lot holy fuck)

- Post-canon - Sticky wall in Assault On Abysus which guarded the lab from the OG Nanite Project is Violeta and Rafael Salazar - and possibly an unknown third scientist that got caught up in the explosion - Rex cures all EVOs in the world = parents are cured - Parents are probably hungry (6 years w/out food has gotta be hard) - And naked - And disoriented, but that is a must.... man they in for a surprise - So they probably go into a coma after waking up, yikes - Alternative of VK finding them and taking them hostage or smth since he escaped on the finale IDK

- OR he does find them but Breach gets them to Providence because Breach is tired of VKs shit and Rex is her fren - bruh, the shock. I mean, César got into the weird pod thing, and the thingy only let 15 minutes pass for him while over 5 years passed for the rest of the world. So he actually has aged less than a year and looks pretty much the same - But Rex...... man, Rex is not only older and now a former GOD, but he also has no memory of them (aside from the few flashbacks we see him having of them) -- he did say in the finale that he remembered "everything", but he didn't specify if "everything" is *everything* or just the memories since the last blackout, so I'm going with the latter - like "who are you?", "well, I was hoping you'd tell me, because, you see, I have amnesia, and César is terrible at actually telling me anything substantial about myself" - man, I imagine rex just chilling with his friends after the finale because he literally cured the entire human race (for now, at least) and he deserves to chill and then, like, Six (because I think Holiday would occupied w the matter at hand and César would either be tending to it as well or just staring in shock) would be like "yeah, you need to come w me", "dude, it's literally been a day since I saved the world, what could you possibly need me for?" silence "what? is someone dying or something?!" longer silence, "......the opposite actually" to which Rex is like "right, ok, IG I'll go with you. I mean, last time someone came back to life, it was VK and that was a pain in the butt" - ALSO I imagine their reaction to VK being a bit like César's. Like, "huh, that guy's still around" and "ugh, that freaking poser" - Rex arriving at where his parents are and looking at them and looking at César and being like "CÉSAR DID YOU BRING THEM BACK FROM THE DEAD" - (when, in reality, technically, it was Rex himself who did) - Y'all know what, I'm making Rex have flashbacks and PLENTY of headaches caused by the flashbacks because I'm mean - soooooooooooooooooooo I was thinking about how their parents would take the fact that Rex has been unofficially adopted by Six and Holiday and the first thing that sprung into my mind was that scene from Dear Evan Hansen where Evan's mother is talking to him after the dinner with the Murphy's (in which they offered to pay for Evan's tuition with what was supposed to be their dead son's tuition money) and she's like "They're not your parents! And *mocking tone* they're not your family!" - Like, they wouldn't do it to be mean (Heidi wasn't doing that to be mean in DEH, even if it turned out to be a mean thing to say, she wanted to wake Evan up to the reality that he was fitting into a life that wasn't his while trying to ignore his problems). I think there would be a point where one of them just wouldn't be able to take it anymore: seeing their son living an entire different life that they had no option in being a part of (not to mention that César and Rex would probably be two of a very little number of things they still had from their old lives, so that piles on top of having to adjust) and there's these people that he considers more his family than his blood family - and, dudes, Rex would be so awkward because on one hand he knows to some degree how they feel about being displaced, but, on the other hand, *bcause* he knows, he's even more awkward, because he knows that he couldn't be the person they expected even if he didn't have amnesia and he has absolutely zero idea what to do - i mean, Rex doesn't even know them, but he wants them to be proud. Except that he also can't deny and completely brush aside what he has with Holiday and Six because they're literally the people he trusts the most in the world - At some point, they get a house (idk, did they have a house?), and Rex reluctantly goes to live with them because, well, they're literally his parents (not to mention that Six and Hols would prob pick him up whenever he asked) and I imagine a scene where they're having breakfast or smth and having stilted conversation and Rex is

100% frustrated because they're all nervous and cautious around each other and no one knows how to act and no one wants to set anyone off or make anyone upset - so Rex goes "hey how about we do an exercise", everyone is like "weird, but ok, what do you propose?", "so it's a fun game I do with people sometimes: we usually sit near each other in a way we can all see each other's faces, one of us starts by saying anything that's on our minds and we discuss it with the person when they're done. It's called "having a conversation", really fun, 10/10", "are you sassing us?", "no. I'm joking. I joke when I'm stressed.", "but you're always making jokes.", "yeah, well, I'm usually about to die... so you can see how I'd be a stressed person."

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey so my friends say some things my mom does are abusive but i dont think so? i wanted to get your opinion since you seem to know a lot about that sort of stuff

my mom loves me very much and is very proud of me, she wants the best for me, tho i dont think she knows what is actually best for me. for example, she criticises some clothes i wear that i really like and makes me want to wear them less around her, or sometimes insists that i should change clothes to smth “nicer” or “more appropriate” until we are arguing and most of the time i give in, but she says its because she wants me to look better. she does also keep telling me i should grow out my hair again, even after i told her im trans (point that will be brought up later), she was really bothered when i first cut it short and even told me she had a nightmare i was lesbian, in her words

she does try to get me to spend a lot of time with her even when i dont want to, but thats because i live in another country so i dont see her much. some time recently we were playing a board game (that i didnt want to play and they knew this) and i gave a time when i was going to sleep, the time passed but my family didnt want to let me go up bc the game was almost done according to them, so i was stuck there complaining bc i knew i would get lectured if i left (i got lectured for being selfish and complaining, regardless)

back to the trans thing, shes very transphobic but that has nothing to do with abuse, since i came out she has told me about how stressed she has been and how im not trans because she knows me and all that and basically asked me to fly back for two weeks so she could see me and hug me (oh yeah, i dont like hugging people much either but she sometimes makes me hug her and wont let go until i hug her “well” and gets hurt that i dont want to hug her) as well as see a psychiatrist for depression or smth, which is where im at now

she also keeps asking me to turn on find my friends again because she gets anxious with me having it off (despite the fact that i dont live in the same country) but i hate having it on so i keep fighting her about this

but my mom does really love me and idk i feel like im exaggerating stuff bc my brothers dont seem to have an issue with her

Hi! I do know quite a bit, but remember I'm not a professional, just an abuse survivor, and all I can give you is my personal opinion :)

I want to start off by saying that parents can be proud of us and want the best for us and still be toxic or abusive, or just really hurtful. Both things aren't incompatible. Sometimes, they're so preoccupied with their own needs (like knowing where we are or having the kid they always expected to have) that they don't see their words and actions toward us as unfair or abusive, because they don't even think to put themselves in our skin. Sometimes they think they're helping us by doing the things that hurt us the most. And there's a million other reasons parents (and people in general) might reach the cognitive dissonance of hurting us while loving us. But that doesn't erase the hurt. It doesn't make their words or actions okay.

Just from what you shared in this ask, I can't tell you if she's abusive, but I can tell you the way she treats you is not okay, and sounds really hurtful, selfish and toxic, even if she doesn't mean for it to be. And you're absolutely not exaggerating. You're simply listening to your body when it tells you that she's hurting and upsetting you. There's nothing wrong with that. You deserve to process the emotions she's putting you through. You don't deserve to brush them all away and minimise your own pain just because she doesn't have bad intentions when she hurts you.

She's prioritising her needs over yours and lecturing and arguing with you when you try to set boundaries. It's not okay for her to punish you in that way any time you have a boundary that inconveniences her. You have a right to choose what you wear and what your hair looks like. You have a right to say no without fear and to be taken seriously when you say it. It might seem like not wanting hugs or wanting to go to bed at a certain time are "minor" things, unimportant boundaries, but they're not. They're a part of your bodily autonomy as a human being, and they matter. Every person deserves to have control over their body.

And, regarding "find my friends", every person has a right to privacy as well. She might have the need to know where you are, but that doesn't negate your need to privacy about where you are. That doesn't take away your right to keep it turned off if that's what you want. You don't owe it her to self-sabotage your own needs and boundaries just to please her. Parents' needs do not come before boundaries.

And, hey, I know this is hard to believe sometimes, but transphobia and abuse are not incompatible. Abuse can be transphobic abuse. And the whole thing with her telling you how stressed she feels about the fact you're trans—and trying to convince you you're not because she knows you better than you know yourself—are red flags of abuse. Saying things like "look, look how much I'm suffering because of this thing you're going through!" is guilt-tripping, and trying to convince another person that you know them better than they know themselves and they should trust you over their own perception is gaslighting. Yes, these things are transphobia, but they can definitely also be abuse.

Gosh, the fact that she told you she had a nightmare you were a lesbian... It resonated a lot with me, because my mother said something really similar when I came out as nonbinary to her (she said her worst nightmare was to see me with a beard). It's such a horrible thing to hear from a parent when all you're doing is trying to be your authentic self. It's not okay. I'm really sorry you had to go through that.

I hope some of this helps to hear. Even if I can't tell you just from your ask whether what you're going through is abuse, I can tell you it's not okay, it's not healthy, it's not something you should have to put up with, and the red flags are definitely there. She can want what's best for you and still walk all over you. She can be proud of you and still overstep all your boundaries and affect your mental health. You can acknowledge that she loves you and still believe that you deserve better than this, because you do. You don't have to feel guilty for wanting better for yourself.

If therapy is an option (because you want to, not because she said so), I think it could really help you navigate all these feelings. Also, please keep being you inside and out! If she likes long hair that much, she can keep her own hair as long as she likes.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

What type of kids do you think the ikevamp guys would be if they went to high school?

Oh boy HERE WE GO

(Under a cut bc this post is a Long Boi^TM)

Napoleon. Would prbly be that kid that’s like somehow bafflingly in the top ten of his class but nobody ever sees him??? Like he’s always late to school or napping in the quietest places on campus (they found him in a locker once and the school was laughing about it for WEEKS bc he insisted he was just chillin, and it wasn’t like a bullying incident he just wanted to sleep LMAO). Surprisingly amiable? A lot of people are afraid of him at first but he’s just so casual and direct, he gains quite a few friends (and a good number of girls have a crush on him--he always diverts the attention of skeevy guys). Good friends with Jeanne because they fence together a lot, and people are always baffled at how easily they chat

Mozart. Where do I begin. Number one in his class, perfectionist prick. That one kid that’s a known prodigy and that everyone hates for his impeccable grades and musical talent. Always gets the solos and conducting roles in the school performances. He knows how to play a crowd--will always be sweet and cherubic in front of teachers. But when it’s just the students? All gloves are off. Frigid and incendiary, will not take any shit and will tear you apart with words in milliseconds. Do not cross. He will end your entire life and self-esteem, it’s not worth it. Has a few friends, and they often experience the disdain of jealous students--but they’re all steadfast about defending him. And Mozart will not tolerate it if people are mistreating his friends, he’s an iron wall of defense; to be his friend means to always have someone looking out for you, make no mistake. He and Jeanne often grab food together after practice and ask about each others day, they hella close but never really show it while school’s on--their class schedules are worlds apart bc of their grades, and at lunch they’re usually practicing/doing hw. When they hug it out at graduation and pat each other on the back everyone nearly falls the fuck out of their chair LMFAO

Leonardo. That kid that 100% could probably be in the top fifty of his class but just can’t be bothered to give a damn. Always argues points with his teachers and plays devil’s advocate until they are inches from exploding at him. Always the one to mercifully make class feel shorter with his absolute distraction-heavy shitfuckery (and sometimes you really learn something because of his line of thinking). He's a dumbass but like harmless, essentially. Used to be the perfect student^TM and then decided the system was bullshit and he wanted no part of it, thinks public education can kiss his ass. Nobody knows it since he asks people not to talk about it, but he tutors kids after school for hours--has brought kids from Ds to Bs. He always dodges nosy people, never goes to parties, and finds ways to intervene around kids that are struggling with smth (with ninja stealth of course). Despite how easily he laughs and chats with just about anyone, he’s...actually surprisingly v much a lone wolf. Only ever consistently hangs out with the heartthrob rich kid, but nobody understands why???? And they’re always roasting each other wtf, are they even friends????

Comte. Pretty boy genius, always in the top five of his class though doesn’t seem too worried about it or obsessed with rank as students often are. It’s more that his parents have high expectations for his future as their heir, so he tends to fall in line with it. Born into money but somehow....not an asshole??? He doesn’t really like showing off, tries to be quiet about his accomplishments but his parents won’t really allow it--and he’s the star of the soccer team so it can be hard to hide. Most often the one at a party trying to help people sober up (always designated driver) or hearing his friends out when they have a problem. Has never publicly tried to bust heads, but some of the guys in the school insist he’s got a dark side--probably because he threatened them (passive aggressively) within an inch of their lives for being disgusting to girls. But nobody believes them bc...I mean look at him, does that look like a threat?? He just bought that kid’s lunch for christ’s sake. TONS of girls ask him out and confess their feelings, and he always lets them down as gently as he can--conceivably doesn’t like anyone himself, as far as the student body knows. Like Leonardo he’s v amiable, but also manages to reveal nothing personal while getting close. Leonardo’s the only one that’s managed to scratch the surface, and the kid won’t leave him alone for some godforsaken reason. And yet, he seems to enjoy their minutes of banter more than the hours of time spent with “friends”

Arthur. Oh boy. Good lord. Well. He used to be a sweetheart that would always seek out the mousier students and bring them into discussion/involve them on the playground. But alas, Teenage Jadedness^TM hit him like a train and now he’s an incorrigible flirt and believes no single person can be good deep down (somebody get this bitch some eyeliner). Believes the world will always be a cruel and unfeeling place where victims are never heard, so he just kind of goes full skeptical and bitter (think Sylvain for those of you that are FE fans). Has fun with every girl he sees (usually dating several girls at once) and doesn’t much care for his grades, but somehow has perfect scores in English?? He insists it’s because he needs to keep his seduction game on par with the voices of older legends before him, but some of the girls that see him in the library from time to time--v serious--are struck by how attractive he is in such deep focus, entirely uncharacteristic of his nosy and boisterous behavior in the halls (can often be seen whirling around Isaac like a bird of prey while our little baby robin Isaac stiffly tries to get away from him, and Dazai often joins to make things even more chaotic bc why not? In reality they just love this feisty kid that never gives up on what’s right, even though they’ve both given up trying themselves)

Dazai. He’s one of those kids that like does weed regularly but is also like...alarmingly insightful?? Like those kids I was always told to avoid, but now and again I would have conversations with out of necessity and was just...kinda shook. I mean granted he’s a little weird but he’s fairly harmless?? He’s like a class clown but on a massive scale--there’s nobody in the place that doesn’t know who he is, that haven’t heard tales of his exploits (he always comes in through the windows and gets detention for it a lot, and he even brought a chicken with him to school once????) nobody gets what he’s doing at any moment (don’t even know if he does really, chaotic mofo) and honestly nobody wants to know they just do the side eye meme when he appears or laughs. The teachers lament his untapped potential or just hate him for making their lives an even bigger headache than usual, and his grades are...yeah let’s not look at those. Organized the senior prank with absolute GLEE, and it was talked about for ages after he was gone--an inspiration chaotic bastards everywhere

Theodorus. (I hate.......that I pictured him in those like Vineyard Vine white boy clothes.......for the record its mostly bc his parents force him to wear them). All business. This kid doesn’t have time for your bullshit, will absolutely walk away if you’re boring him or seeking social clout. Popular because he’s hot and has a mean streak a mile wide, all the girls that didn’t like Mozart for being ethereal and effeminate boomeranged to find Theo ready to fulfill their hopes and dreams. They only grow more feral when rumors of him actually being fairly nice one on one--and telling creeps to fuck off of vulnerable girls at parties--start to circulate. (If he isn’t with Vincent, Arthur is probably near. Nobody understands how the two are brothers????) Van Gogh name apparently is just “I can be your angel or i can be your devil” and no one understands how... Grades are average and he’s plenty capable, most of his time is spent working after school because his parents refuse to provide Vincent with any artistic materials (canvas, paints, etc). They ask him to go to parties more, but he only goes to piss his parents off (he’s v lowkey punk and it’s understandably sexy of him). Will literally only listen to Vincent, and got in a looooot of trouble after getting into a fistfight with Shakespeare. Only stopped because his parents blamed Vincent for the incident, and Vincent apologized and went quiet for days ;-;

Vincent. Always been quiet and shy, but he doesn’t dislike ppl--he just has a hard time speaking up now and again. His parents always talk over him and tell him nothing he has to say has any real value, so he tends to struggle with a lot of self-doubt. Not isolated because he’s not likeable, it’s more because people tend to take advantage of his mild and earnest nature--until Theo runs them off. He’s on amiable terms with most people but has no real, true friends and it makes him feel lonely a lot. Mostly copes with the emotional turmoil by painting as much as he can. His grades are average, he does reliably well but can often be found daydreaming or distracted. Theo tends to escort him everywhere because of his propensity to attract danger (namely Shakespeare) or walk into things cuz he’s in his head a lot. A few of the artsier girls and the quiet academic girls have HUGE crushes on him (he’s softspoken, sweet, and calm; come on now), but he’s so distant--and honestly nice to everyone in equal measure--that they don’t have much hope of it coming to fruition. This kid deadass doesn’t think a single girl would ever like him that way so he’s just c:???????? when Theo talks about “those nosy harpies coming after my brother”

Jeanne. EDGY MCEDGE. Isn’t amazing in the academic department, but he’s a killer fencer--the rallying cry of the entire team. He became leader his sophomore year and he’s pretty much the only reason they keep destroying at tournaments throughout the year. Despite the pervasive interest in him he intimidates most people away with his swift intensity and ironclad stoicism. Silent as a grave and very still, people are convinced he’s the Grim Reaper reincarnated (listen he’s juST A DUTIFUL BABIE N O). If he isn’t fencing or practicing, Isaac often offers him help in the library after school hours in one of the study rooms (can’t be seen who’s inside from the outside). The two develop a kind of uncanny bond; they’re both so...bad at human-ing that they find a lot of comfort in the atmosphere they create. There’s none of the bullshit grandstanding or clout obsession, just them genuinely trying to help each other (yes Jeanne absolutely teaches Isaac self-defense moves in order to crush the kids that pick on him, and Jeanne often either glares or outright threatens those students when Isaac isn’t looking). Only ever smiles or feels understood when he’s hanging out with Mozart, so he cherishes the time Mozart offers him to hang (he knows the kid is busy up to his eyeballs and under a ton of pressure by comparison, his parents don’t care much as long as they can brag about his fencing records)

Isaac. Mega nerd that just...does not know how to interact. Only understands math and DESTROYS in competitive math club, but otherwise is always alone at lunch or just in the library. A little bean pole because he doesn’t look after himself very well (neglects to eat a lot) and can sometimes be found asleep on his books. If approached he will be very thorny, doesn’t have any friends to speak of and trusts everyone about as far as he can throw them. Yells at Arthur and Dazai a lot when they flock around him, and has gotten into his fair share of fights. Never starts fights, but will finish them. People are surprised he can hold his own, and he comes away with blood that ain’t his. There are a few girls that are curious about him, but its mostly the ones that have seen his awkward thoughtfulness in club--or the girls that are sick of the assholes and appreciate how stalwart he is. He really just wants to be left in peace (his parents never show up to his meets or when he wins academic awards, and the few teachers that notice are pretty concerned abt his reactivity and complete lack of social savvy...) Leonardo always helps him sneak in at night to look at the stars on the school roof

Shakespeare is p much the like “kid most anticipated to be in jail as soon as they’re out of high school” He just. Has that like...serial killer vibe??? Idk if I’m explaining this well but he was that guy that would always cling to genuinely compassionate girls just trying to be nice like a LEECH, and would never fucking shut up if he did or didn’t get attention. You just can't win with this kid. Probably wanted to kill the kids that made fun of him or at the very least wanted to lash out against the confident/popular/nice kids. Only liked you if he didn’t deem you a threat, or if you didn’t make him insecure, or if you tolerated him (aka Vincent. Vincent PLEASE stop trying to reach out to dangerous ppl....I love you too much to watch this shit...) He admitted as much to Theo and the kid went livid with rage and pummeled him into the ground, though most of the rest of the student body doesn’t know quite what happened. (Theo refuses to explain to anyone, and just walks away if asked). Shakespeare will just change the subject endlessly and make passive aggressive threats until the person leaves if they try to bring it up. The only time the entire class has EVER seen Leonardo mad is when Shakespeare kept tailing this girl that wanted no part of him

Sebastian. Nerdy like Isaac, but is more of the silent observer type. Like Theo, doesn't want any part of the bullshit but won't be as blunt or outspoken about it, he's only open about it if pressed or pissed off. Doesn't have much patience for the clique-driven nature of high school and tends to take an interest in the people who stand out beyond the mind-numbing drama. Also is in the top fifty but studies like a lunatic, and can often be seen asking Comte for tips now and again. Has tried talking to Mozart and admires his talents, but Mozart gives a cold shoulder that would put Antarctica to shame. (Leonardo tries to ninja him into taking breaks but never succeeds). Has a great deal of disdain for the troublemakers (Arthur and Dazai) but doesn't intervene, just watches shit go down and sighs. Probably the most normal(?) one of the bunch, just does his best and keeps his head down

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do.