#yeah so um this was the way i coped with that i finally 100% completed this game

[yourdrugisafartbreaker]

Only true gamers have 100% completed Club Penguin: Game Day

[evirlihs]

Hello everyone, so I've been meaning to make a post about... something very major in the future, that'll explain further inactivity and because I've been keeping it a secret for a while, especially in this specific website because this is my safe space website, but well... can't ignore it anymore I suppose.

TW FOR: surgery, death mentions, possible E/D mentions but briefly.

so, I've been mute since childhood, not even childhood but since I was a baby, I can't talk, I've been like this my whole life without a voice, I use sign language and writing as a way to talk and communicate to everyone but... yeah as every other disabled person it's difficult, everyone ignores you, everyone treats you like a major burden, it wasn't fun these 18 years treated like this, I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment from everyone

so eventually, I fell in a deep deep depression and developed an... eating disorder, bulimia to be exact, I've had an eating disorder for over four years now, I looked through pinterest for images to make myself feel guilty for being... me, I thought, since I can't express myself, maybe if I looked like someone else people wouldn't treat me awfully? but unfortunately that ruined my life, and my health. especially my heart.

a few months ago, like let's say three or four, i went to the hospital because I passed out, and apparently, I had gotten heart issues for this, it got so bad to the point of me needing to stay forced awake so my heart doesn't completely stop, they'd wake me up from sleep too so mu heart doesn't stop, luckily after a while I managed to pass that point but, now here comes the therapist and the surgery part

they obviously had a psychiatrist visit me during my hospital days and I wrote down everything and he was very patient and everything, and I heard the news, the very amazing news, apparently since I'm now a legal adult and my body fully developed I can have a surgery to have a voice! I was so so happy... until the doctors said it.

Medialization Laryngoplasty, that's the name, it's basically a special treatment for vocal cords paralysis, but I was too excited to pay any part of the details, I was so happy! I'll finally have a voice! but then.. the doctors said it

there's a 50% chance I could die, if I didn't have... that eating disorder, if I didn't receive heart issues from it I would've been 100% safe from the surgery, especially since it's VERY rare to pass from a surgery like this.

my surgery is on the 15th, aka four days from now on, I never meant for it to end this way but I have hope, I have genuine hope I'll make it, I'll make it and have a voice... but there's always this part in my brain, 50% chance I could die. it means it's very possible. I don't want to die. nobody wants to die.

so this might um... explain further inactivity in the future, because if, and by god forbid it happens, and I actually... die,

I just want to say you guys are amazing, you guys always supported me since day one and my total drama days and I love you all so much, drawing was my number one coping mechanism and you all supported me for it, always liked my art, and I was the happiest person on the planet.

I never meant for it to be this so sudden, and I know I don't owe anyone an explanation but... I could die, I can't die and leave people that mean so much to me concerned about me suddenly disappearing, no one deserves that, all I can wish from amazing people like you is to pray for me and wish me good luck.

my doctor ordered me to delete social media because well, as mentioned above I would often look up girls to make myself feel guilty to starve, and also because of social media stress and anxiety and my heart can't handle it, so um... I'll miss you all so much, and this is a goodbye... for now.

[selenaurrr]

Holding On To Hope

REQUESTED: Yes

PAIRING: Matt Casey x Reader

WARNING(S): Fluff, Angst & Comfort

— 

I sat on the letter I received from my birth mother. It was still sinking in, she had found me, and she was interested in meeting me. It’s hard to describe the waves of emotions that passed through me as I contemplated feeling very overwhelmed, I wasn’t ready. What would I say? What would she say?

Growing up, I never really asked any questions but deep down I knew I was adopted, but I never obsessed over finding my birth parents. It can be hard to explain to someone who has grown up in a family that looks like them, what it really is like to grow up not looking like anyone. It’s probably quite insignificant to most and not something you normally think about, but it’s probably the one thing that affected me the most. I never looked for them because I loved my parents and figured the reality would never live up to the fantasy.

‘Knock’

“Busy?” I asked feeling very overwhelmed with my thoughts lately, I held onto the white envelope like my life dependent on it, which it did for a matter of fact. 

“Not at all, come in.” Matt spoke looking over his shoulder, I slightly nodded my head and took a step forward inside his officer’s quarters closing the door shut. I leaned my body weight on the bed post. “What’s that?” 

I tightly gripped onto the white envelope, so many thoughts ran through my head. “It’s a letter.. Or something... From her.” I trailed off, my hard glaze on the envelope still, silences filled the room between us.

I could feel his stare burning a hole through me, wanting to know what was going through my mind, why I held onto the white envelope so tightly, why it meant so much to me. I exhaled deeply, “What I’m about to tell you is between you and I, okay?” 

He nodded his head, “This letter is from my birth mother.” 

I nervously chuckled, handing him the letter, “You have to throw this away for me.”

“What?” He asked confused, “Yeah, uh, I tried and I can’t do it.” 

“Ah, are you sure?” He asked feeling a bit skeptical on my decision so quickly, “100%, yeah I... I just want it gone” 

Matt grabbed a hold of the white envelope into his hand, “Yeah, consider it done.”

I deeply breathed out, “Thank you.”

I felt the room grew more silence and tension between us, my mind continued to race a mile per hour, my hands became more cold and sweaty, as my nerves were overwhelmed. A part of me didn’t want to know but the other part of me wanted to know, I shook that feeling off. Matt held his stare at me for a quite sometime now, not a word came out of my mouth, things we shared together was meant to be kept to one another one, he respects that; and that's one of things why I like him. I nervously smiled before leaving his officer’s quarters, shutting his door closed behind me; leaving him with my birth mother’s letter.

I came into the locker rooms, where I took a deep breath and sighed loudly to myself, what a day was it.  I started to open up my locker, as I slowly peeled my grey t-shirt over my head lightly before neatly placing it into my grey duffel bag. I slowly undid my black pants with the belt, I reached for a white fluffy towel; I wrapped the white towel around my body, and undid my bra and remove my underwear where I placed it on my grey duffel bag. Shutting my locker behind me.

I turned on the shower tap on, the water slowly falling down the beige tiles, I placed my hand to feel for the right temperature, I step into the shower and let the water run over my head while I quietly hum a melody, "Love is like the wind, you know." I sang barely a whispered, I rung my hair out onto the beige titles of the shower, pulling the curtains back as I had just stepped out of a steaming hot shower, wrapped a white fluffy towel around my wet naked body; I headed back to my locker where I placed my bra and underwear first, a pair of fresh black pants, a grey t-shirt, and my socks and black boots. I walked towards the bathroom mirror were it seemed to gag at the sight of the tangled mess on my head, so I grabbed a brush and ran it through my dirty, blonde hair, pulling it into a messy bun after the tangles had come out.

Once our shift was over, I put on the usual; a pair of dark skinny jeans, a black t-shirt with flat shoes. And walked into the bathroom to add a little bit of mascara onto my eyelashes. I shut my locker, threw my grey duffel bag over my shoulder as I headed out of the firehouse.

“See you tomorrow, girl!” I waved at Sylvie goodbye.

I caught a glimpse of Matt making his way out of the firehouse, his duffel bag was over his left shoulder as he slowly stroll onto the apparatus floor, “Hey!” I called out, picking up the pace to catch up with him. “Um, hey did you... Did you throw out that envelope?”

He sheepishly cracked a smile, I carefully watched him open up his duffel bag grabbing a hold of the white envelope I clearly told him to throw away in the first place since I couldn’t do it, “I had a feeling you might change your mind.”

“Casey, you said you would throw it out?” I said unpleased with his actions, his smile quickly faded, “What...I...I didn’t really think you want me to throw it” He stumbled on his words as I cut him off, “Get rid of it.” I pointed at the garbage bin behind him, “Please.”

He looked puzzled unsure with my request, I kept a hard glaze on him, he glanced over his shoulder towards the garbage bin then back to me, he slightly nodded his head in defeated, and took a step back walking over the garbage bin, looking over once more to make sure this is what I wanted; and place the white envelope into the bin. I felt my body be relief of my nerves traveling through me, “Thank you.” I sigh with relief once more, “You sure?” He asked.

“Stop, of course I’m sure. Come on, no looking back.” I grabbed a hold of his forearm and wrapped around it tightly as I held onto him, as we both walk out of the firehouse together.

Once I arrive at Chelsea and I’s apartment, I quickly dusted, sweeping the floors and tidying up, cleaning was always a way to cope with whatever I dealt with when I have a rough day or week. I wanted to make sure our place was clean because sometimes it's a complete mess since Chelsea and I don't have much time together to always clean the place. Since she works nights and I work daytime, it's hard to see one another most times.

I decided to play Matt a visit.

‘Knock, Knock, knock.’

Matt opened the front door of the apartment to see me standing there, “I changed my mind.” I gasped still feeling unease with everything that has been happening. 

“Oh, boy.”

“I know, I just.. I didn’t want some stranger ruining what I have with my parents. It’s a silly thing to worry about because she would never come between us. So, if that’s the case, what am I so afraid of?” I waltzed myself into his apartment like it was no big deal, my mind was too focus on this whole situation about my birth mom trying to find me and all. Matt shut the door behind me, and turned around to pay attention to me.

‘My point is... Can I have that envelope back?” I asked shaking a bit with nervous energy, “You saw me get rid of it.” 

I exhaled feeling disappointment in him for actually doing it even if I was against it before hand, I nervous chuckled a bit; “So, you are telling me you didn’t go back and dig it out of the trash as soon as I was gone?” I questioned.

He smirked at me, “Are you going to yell at me again if I did?” 

He nervously chuckle breaking the tension, placing his jacket down onto the couch in front of him, reaching down into his duffel bag where the white envelope was sitting, I exhale the nervous shake, as my palms became sweaty. He carefully handed me the white envelope which I gladly took it from him, there it was back in my hands like it never left in the first place.

“Uh, wait!” I called out catching Matt’s attention once again, he glanced over his shoulder and stared at me, “Could you stay with me when I open it?” 

My eyes pleaded with hopefulness waiting to see what he would do next.

“Of course.” He nodded his head and approached me, I shakily started to open the white crinkled envelope, many thoughts running through my head once again, nerves were starting to get to me, I could feel his eyes on me as I reached into the envelope to grab a hold of the letter inside, I furrowed my eyebrows together, “It’s just a name and an address.” 

“My mother’s name is Julie and she lives here in Illinois, Rockford.” I glanced up and locked eye contact with Matt.

Last night was something else, I shot up, messy hair and sweat dabbled all over my skin. Chapped lips, tear stains on my pillow case, and my hands aches from gripping the sheets too tightly, nightmares on my birth mom seeking out for me, wanting to me. I was fine before but now I’m not so sure anymore. 

My feet pounded on the pavement beneath me and I felt a bead of sweat drip down my neck. The sidewalks were relatively empty and I finally bounded up to my apartment complex. Running, that was what I did every morning after a long day. It was really one of the only times I felt like I was in control with my mind. 

By the time I made it into my cozy apartment I’d removed my earbuds from my ears and began taking off my shoes. I was completely ready to ditch my sweaty clothes and take a nice long shower; once both shoes were off I quickly made my way to the bathroom and stripped down, heating up the water.

I stepped inside the shower as the warm water cascaded upon my head of my dirty blonde colored hair, I pour the shampoo into my hand, I start to wash my hair, rinsing out the shampoo. I pour a little bit of conditioner, and scrubbed gently and then rinsing out the conditioner. Grabbing a hold of the body wash, orange scent.

 I wrapped a white towel around my body as I walked into my bedroom to grab a red sweater and pale blue jeans, as I got ready for another day of work.

The hot air was blasting on high in my vehicle as I parked in front of the firehouse, I climbed out of the driver’s seat and slammed it shut behind me. I noticed Matt locking his vehicle door as he looked both ways before crossing the street; looks like we’ll be entering the same door right about now, “Hey, Y/N.”

I sheepishly smiled, “Hey, Matt.”

Matt and I headed straight for the main door; he walked a little bit faster to open the door for me, “Thanks.” I smiled shyly. We both entered the locker rooms together where we found Stella and Sylvie talking among themselves as they were getting dressed, “Hey, Y/N!”

“Hey,” I shyly smiled before stopping right in front of my locker, Matt five inches beside me as he opened his locker; I started to open my locker right next to his, I slowly peeled my red sweater over my head lightly before neatly placing it into my grey duffel bag. I reached for my dark grey station 51 sweatshirt, and quickly placed it over my head to cover my bare-naked torso showing. I bend down and searched for my pair of black pants along with my belt and white socks. Every now and then I caught a glimpse of Matt half way already dressed, I couldn’t help and stare for a few seconds.

I tied my dirty blonde hair into a messy bun, once I tucked in what’s left of the strands of hair sticking out from my messy bun, I quickly shut my locker door and walked out of the room heading to the common room where I found Matt pouring himself a hot cup of coffee. I stood beside him, he glanced over his shoulder and gladly grabbed a hold of my mug, our fingertips touched; exchanging small smiles to one another before handing me my mug back, “Thanks.”

I pulled up the ambulance 61 into the firehouse, quietly sighing to myself as I leaned my body weight onto the steering wheel. "I can't wait until shift is done." I slightly nodded my head, "Me too." I mumbled.  We both climbed out of the ambulance and closing the door shut behind me, “How many calls is that today?” Matt asked hands in his pockets, “I lost count.” I sarcastically said, “Mercuriny’s retrograde. It’s a thing.” Sylvie said glancing at Matt, “I’m going to collapse before the bells go off again.” She said before walking off the apparatus floor heading to the sleeping quarters.

“You've been running around all day, but I wanted to ask. Did you reach out to your birth mom?” He took a step closer towards me, “I picked up the phone a few times. I just think it’s better if we speak in person.” I trailed off a bit, knowing I really didn’t want to call or even if I did. “You have her address, right?” 

“Rockford, isn’t that far away. ”

“I’ve been going back and forth on how to handle it. First impressions are so important, and I just want get it right.” I said unease, “The right way is whatever works for you.”Matt said, I sheepishly smiled.

“Dinner’s up!” Joe called out, holding onto a plate followed by Tony and Capp behind him.

“Thank god! I’m starving.” I signed with relief, Matt and I walked side by side as we approached the double doors leading to the common room where a hot plate of shepherd’s pie was being served at this very moment. “We dined at the Med vending machines for lunch.”

‘Ambulance 61, person injured, 489 West Luther Street.’

I groaned and turned on my heels. “Mercury sucks.” Sylvie mutterers underneath her breath.

“We’ll put some aside for you guys.” Matt said.

“Thanks!” I smiled back, climbing into the ambulance.

Siren wailing.

“In here!” I jumped out of the ambulance and shutting the passenger door behind me, making my way over to the distress victim, “Hurry, he’s not breathing.”

I quickly placed the navy blue rubber gloves over my hands, as Sylvie and I raced inside following closely behind, “Come on, man. Wake up.”

“What happened?” I asked reaching the top of the staircase, “We found him like this.”

“He lives in the building.” 

“Uh, okay.” I softly spoke setting down the medic bag down, “Come on, man.”

“Scoot over.” 

“What’s his name?” I asked bending down to the victim’s level, “Jake.”

“Can you hear me, Jake?” I spoke softly, “Lips are blue.”

“Skin’s pretty cold.” Sylvie added, “Pupils are constricted.”

“Naloxone?” She asked, “Yeah.”

“What is that? What does that mean?” The young woman questioned, “Jake’s showing symptoms of an opioid overdose.”

“This will reverse the effects.” Sylvie said, “All right.” I grabbed a hold of the needle, “Are his parents home?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m on it. Which unit?” Sylvie stood up,”2B.”

Jake gasped, coughing up for air to breathe. I sighed in relief, “Y/L/N!”

“Stay with him I’ll be right back.” I quickly stood up rushing into the apartment to find another victim who overdose on opioid. Just great. “She’s overdosing too.”

“Here.” 

Distant clanging.

“Paramedics. Anyone home?” I called out turning my back just a bit, “She’s not responding. Let’s give her another dose.”

I spin around bending down grabbing a hold of a naloxone needle to hand off to Sylvie, and then turned around to find out where that noise is coming from, leading down the a narrowed hallway, “Hello?”

“Excuse me?” I cracked open the bathroom door to see a young girl laying unconscious, her lips were completely blue; “Ambulance 61 to Main. We need two additional ambulances and a rescue unit to assist with forced entry. Possible spinal injury.”

“Hey, um...the way she’s positioned, if we shoulder it open, we’re risking a neck injury. She’s been there for a while.” I said glancing over my shoulder to meet eye contact with Kelly. “We’ll get her out.”

“Halligan.” Kelly ordered, “Copy.”

“Good.” Joe said, holding the door in place.

Saw buzzing.

Bottom half of the bathroom door was cut in half, letting the top layer to open without hitting or injuring the victim laying on the cold dirty floors, I carefully step one foot in, “Okay.”

“Got a pulse.” I spoke, “Okay.”

“Come on. Come on.” I whispered underneath my breath wanting the best outcome for this young girl.

She gasped, “Yes, okay, yes.”

“Brandi!”

“Whoa, whoa, hey!” Kelly stopped the young man from entering the bathroom with us, “What happened?” He yelled, “Back up.”

“Is she okay?”

“Is that her name, Brandi?” I asked, trying to get to the bottom of this, “No, no, my girlfriend. She called me. She got some pills at a party. Said they made her sick. I told her to hang up and call 911.”

He looked frantically around for his girlfriend, “Brandi! Where is she? She said she was here.”

“There was another girl. I think maybe Brandi? She’s on her way to the hospital. We’re gonna go there too. Do you want to go with us?”

He nodded his head, “What’s your name?”

“Why?” He asked confused on why we’re questioning him, “We’re just trying to help. Your girlfriend took some pills and we need to know what they are.”

He bolted out of the narrow hallway out of the apartment, “Hey! Hey!” Kelly yelled, chasing after the young man.

I pulled the white and blue ambulance pull up into the firehouse, Sylvie and I climbed out of the vehicle; walking through the double doors up to the common room, waiting to dig into the shepherd’s pie, “Hey, you two. Your food’s in the fridge.” Mouch said glancing away from his newspaper.

“We had to keep it from Capp, so we wrote ‘Tuesday’ on the tinfoil.” Joe said walking out of the room, “Oh, no. Really? Ritter just asked me to feed her and I just assumed.” Stella felt guilty.

“Oh, that’s...that’s fine. I don’t have much of an appetite anyway. I’m gonna take a shower, wash the day away.” I mumbled, leaving the common room.

I sat down on the wooden brown bench, I sighed loudly to myself, I cupped my face with my bare cold hands of mine and rested my elbows onto my thighs, as my eyes looked straight forward leaving me struggling with my thoughts. “You okay?”

 I sigh, “There were just kids. Stupid, reckless kids.”

Sometimes we just have to deal with the fact that life doesn’t always go our way.

“Hey.” Matt softly spoke taking a step closer to me, “You saved two lives tonight. Try to focus on that.”

I slightly nodded my head, actually, I haven’t been doing very well, lately.

“So when you were talking before about your birth mom...if you don’t want to get into it, I totally understand.” Matt said, “No, it’s okay. What were you gonna say?”

“Well, if you were thinking of meeting her in person, I’d be happy to drive you to her in Rockford.” He said, “I mean, I know you can handle it solo, I just thought it might help to have someone there.”

I sigh, “That’d be amazing. Thanks.” I smiled.

He smiled warmly back.

You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.

I was lost in thought while staring out the window, watching the world pass by each minute as we drove down the highway, “It’s crazy, you know? A month ago, I couldn’t care less about meeting my birth mom. It wasn’t even on my radar. Now my whole life is about to change.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

You are loved more than you know.

I glanced over my shoulder, eyes locking with his, “Nothing has to change unless you want it to.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s true.” I spoke titling my head side to side, “But I won’t control the idea of who she is anymore.”

I smirked a little bit, “When I was little, like six years old, I had a bad case of Disney princess fever. And I was convinced that my real parents were British royals.”

Matt chuckles, “Really?”

“I knew it wasn’t true. It was just fun to pretend. As I got older, I guess I never looked for my birth parents because, A, I love my parents dearly, and, B, I figured the reality could never live up to the fantasy.” my smile quickly faded.

His truck came to a halt as he pulled up beside the curb, he took out his keys out of ignition, “Here it is.”

“Looks nice.” he said.

Silences, “Y/N?”

“Yeah.” snapping out of my trace of thoughts, I had composed myself and got over the shock that I was actually doing this, “I,m going.” I gave Matt a fake smile assuring everything was fine even if it wasn’t.

“I’m doing this.” I spoke with pumping myself up with confidence, unbuckling my seat-belt and opening the passenger door wide up, climbing out and then spin around to face him, “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.” he nodded then gave me a small smile in return.

I slowly approached the walkway leading up to the house, I took a glance over my shoulder and saw Matt still there, heart pounding louder and louder, palms becoming sweaty by the minute. I took a deep breath before ringing the door bell.

“Hello.”

“Um, hi, my...my name is Y/N - Y/L/N. I’m looking for Julie?” 

“Julie?”

“I...I’m sorry. I should have called first.” I stumbled over my words, “There’s nobody here by that name. You must have the wrong address.” He said before closing the door in my face, “Uh, isn’t...isn’t that the same address, though?” I pointed at the letter, “I’m really sorry.” he shut the door in front of me, leaving me speechless.

I was disappointed.

I had conjured up all my energy to make this trip happen, and now I don’t know. I opened the passenger door and climbed inside, “What happened?” Matt asked concerned, “Apparently, she doesn’t live here.”

“What? I thought she wrote that address down recently.”

“So did I.” I shrugged my shoulders, “Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me to leave it alone.” he reached down and took my hand into his and gave it a tight squeeze. “I’m always here for you, you know that.” Matt craned his head to kiss me lightly on the lips, he was warm and as sweet as buttered popcorn. 

[bnhascribbles]

Advice

Tokoyami x Reader

Meeting, Fluff; OH MY GOD THIS TOOK TOO LONG.  Please, please, please if you requested this, I appreciate you, but know Tokoyami is on my list of impossible characters to write for.

Words: 1.9K

Warnings: None

The first time you meet Tokoyami, it’s a complete coincidence.

Your eyes unconsciously dart up from your book when he wanders into the coffee shop.  His beak stands out, distinct against the backdrop of darkness the glass door provided.  It was late–well, early if you were being technical with the clock–and usually your only company was the barista that liked to pretend not to notice you skulking around every night.  Yet here he was.  

You recognize the hero easily, even without the costume.  It wasn’t every day you saw a man with a bird head and a wardrobe that boldly incorporated at least five different shades of black.  No joke, if you didn’t know any better, you’d assume he’d crash-landed at a Hot Topic and decided to buy everything in the store. Dark leather cuffs with those stubby spikes along their perimeter, chains that looped through his belt and tinkled when he walked, and rings–so many rings.

He stands at the counter, muttering something unintelligible to the barista before snagging a seat at a table in the corner.  Your breath hitches in your throat and before you know what’s happening, you’re rising from your seat.  Then you’re crossing the shop, closing the distance to him.

“Tsukuyomi, right?”  You ask when you finally get there, casting a shadow over his table.  

It’d a be a lie to say you weren’t just a little nervous, what with the way his eyes narrow when they latch onto you.  His shoulders are visibly tense.

This was a terrible idea.  You shift in place, swallowing thickly.

“Your feathers look dull,”  you say, a little too fast, “And frayed.  That means you don’t get enough Vitamin D.”

“Excuse me?”  He says, looking more confused than anything else.  And his confusion makes sense.  Because not only did this top-100 hero have a complete rando walking up to him at 3 AM, trying to stir up a conversation while he was probably trying to de-stress.  No, this hero had to deal with a 3 AM rando intent on giving him a full health evaluation before they even gave their name.

Despite your less-than-suave intro to the conversation, you continue.  “Sunlight.  I mean, you usually work at night, so maybe it’s hard to get that–aren’t you sleeping during the day?”  You immediately realize your mistake–your excessive enthusiasm in asking for information on his friggin’ sleep schedule.  “Oh god, that’s a weird question isn’t it?  You probably think I’m some sort of stalker.  I promise I’m not.  Although, I can’t see how me just telling you that is really convincing, especially considering I just waltzed up to you and started chattering and...haaaa please just cut me off before I talk myself into a deeper hole.”

Maybe it's your rambling, or maybe it's the tinge of pink creeping across your cheeks, or maybe it’s just the way you act so apologetic as you grip the sides of your face and stare up at the ceiling–like that’ll do anything to make you less flustered.  Either way, something in his expression softens, and the hero leans back in his chair, idly twisting at one of his rings.

“I assume you’re a fan?”

You inhale.  No use denying it.  “Yes.  I mean, sort of.  I saw you on the Billboard television special last week and just kinda went on a ‘Google’ spree of anything Tsukuyomi–you know, special moves, education...”  A squeaky sound suddenly escapes from somewhere at the back of your throat.  You weren’t really helping your case here.  “Oh no, I’m doing it again.  I’m not trying to be a creep, really; It’s just sometimes I get really excited and I talk a lot, and seeing you here, I’m high-key freaking out because I love–”

You stop yourself.  Because saying it out loud was not an option.  It was awkward and mortifying and you would never in a thousand years even consider finishing that sentence the way your brain wants to.

But then, Tsukuyomi is staring at you expectantly, eyebrow raised (though admittedly, you’re probably imagining that part, seeing as he doesn’t actually have eyebrows–just a little bit of fluff around his eyes) and head cocked to the side.  And you cave under the pressure, desperate to have anything but tense, anticipatory silence.

“Birds.  I love birds.”

To his credit, his expression never mocks, never once demonstrates anything other than calm, cool, acceptance.  The cackling sound emanating from his abdomen, however, makes you want to sink into the floor.  A hint of a shadow creeps out from the bottom edge of his shirt.

“Man Fumikage, Hawks wasn’t lying when he said there were some feather-freaks out there.”

The hero’s eyes widen, his shoulders trembling, hands rising off the tables and darting down to tug furiously at the dark fabric.  The laughter only intensifies, and even though you’re at least eighty-percent sure Tsukuyomi is just as horrified as you are, that doesn’t do anything to ward off the wave of nausea that courses through you.

“No, no, no,” you croak, hands darting outward all on their own, “Not in like, a weird way.  I mean I love feathers but it’s not–oh god it’s not like that, I swear.  I used to have wings.  They were really dark, kinda like yours, but then I…”  The words don’t exactly come easily, but you force them out regardless.   “I lost them a while back.”

A high pitched voice–the same from before–responds.  “Lost them?  What did they just fall off or something?”

You flinch.  “Um, no.  I’m sorry–it was a bad choice of words.  They were, um, taken from me.”

And even though it’s been nearly a year, even though you’ve made your peace with the reality of your situation–become used to the scarred nubs jutting out from your shoulder blades–the words sting.  You try to smile, but you just know that it probably looks pathetic.  Forced.

“Dark Shadow, that’s enough.”  Tsukuyomi’s tone is sharp, angry almost, leaving no room for argument.  After letting out a frustrated sound, the creature (or maybe entity is a better word) hushes up.

It’s awkward for a little while.  You just stand there, scratching at your neck, looking anywhere but at him.  He coughs, and you hear his chair creak as he (presumably) shifts in his seat.

Eager to be move on from the tense topic, you stutter out what you’d meant to the whole time–your real reason for approaching the hero.  “Um, I know some really good vitamins.  I used to take them, so I know they’re the real deal and they might help.  You know, with the dull feathers.  If you even care, that is.”

He sighs, long and heavy, then lifts his eyes and meets your gaze.  There’s no pity in the look he shoots you as he pushes one of the chairs out from his table.

“I’d love that.”  He gestures for you to sit, and it feels like some sort of dream.  Your body moves on its own–obeys and takes its seat without any thinking on your part.

“And call me Tokoyami when I’m not in my costume.  Please.”

***

You spot Tokoyami same in the coffee shop the next week and ask him if he’s started taking the vitamins yet.  He has.

Then, you bump into him again the following week and ask him if they’re working.  He tells you they are, and even though you can see the improvement in his plumage, you offer to check up with him again next week just to make sure.  He tells you he’ll be working practically nonstop for the next few nights, and asks if you wouldn’t like to meet sometime during the day–only to discuss feathers, of course.  You agree and clear out your schedule.

You stop counting the number of times you see him after that.

“Heroes don’t usually go out of their way to keep in touch with the fans they meet, right?”  You ask, trying to make the words seem mindless and casual as you pick at what’s left of your croissant.  “I was under the impression they just bumped into them on patrols, nodded politely, then went about their work.”

“I thought you enjoyed our conversations.”  Tokoyami peers at you over the edge of his straw.  You still couldn’t get used to the fact that this hero, who thrived on darkness, regularly ordered iced tea as his beverage of choice.  Iced tea from a freakin’ coffee shop.

“I do.  And I like helping out.  You know, with the feather-y things.  It almost makes me feel complete again.”

Tokoyami’s hand tenses around his drink.  You can see his veins, prominent along the underside of his wrist.  “Complete?”

“Yeah, like a whole person.”  You answer back at him.  “Like I was back when I had my wings.”

His beak opens, then closes, and Tokoyami gets this thoughtful look in his eyes.

“I know I haven’t known you long, so maybe I’m not qualified to have an opinion on the matter.  But I don’t think you’re any less of a person than you might’ve been before.”

You shake your head, smiling.  Because it was nice that he was trying, but you knew the truth–how things actually were.  Tokoyami, however, isn’t fazed by your disagreement.

“How?  How were you different.”

You opt to follow the humorous approach.

“Well, I could fly for one.”

Tokoyami is back to staring.  He places his drink on the tabletop before he speaks again.

“I can’t make you believe me.  I understand that.  Just know that–”  He pauses for a moment, looking down at his hand and twisting at a silver ring on his thumb.  “That even if it’s because you…lost something–because you were trying to cope with losing something,”  he inhales sharply and speaks quickly, “I’m glad to have met you.”

Without another word, he pulls the ring from his finger and drops it on your end of the table.  It isn’t a smooth movement; His ring nearly rolls to the ground before he curses under his breath and catches it at the last second.  This time, he places it straight into your open palm.

“What is this?”  You ask, examining the engraved circle of metal.  It’s pretty, to be sure–ornate and with an elaborate, swirly design carved into the band.

“A gift.”  He chokes out, his beak hidden behind his hand.  There’s a quiver in his voice.  “I got it from someone a couple years ago.  Someone that taught me you don’t always need wings to fly.  And now I, er, want you to have it.”

You look down at the ring again, and you can feel your heart thudding in your throat.  Sure, Tokoyami and you spoke frequently–exchanged advice when you had some to share.  But this gesture was different; there’s no mistaking the distinct, frazzled look on his face–his tense posture.  

You want to babble, to make all sorts of incoherent noises, to shove your face into your arms in a futile effort to hide your blush.  You don’t.  Instead, you go and ignore your sense of self-preservation, straightening out in your chair (although you probably look quite the sight with your tomato-red complexion), clearing your throat.

“There’s a split in your beak.”  You lean forward and let a finger on your free hand hover over a spot on the right side of it.  “Right here.  Did you know that?”

“No?”  He’s obviously nervous, his eyes never once straying from your skin.  Admittedly, this was the closest you’d ever gotten to him, at least, for longer than a second.

“Yeah.  I have a fix for that if you’re…”  You breathe shakily, “If you’re up for it.”

He nods, and you’re almost certain that beneath that mess of dark feathers, he’s blushing twice as hard as you are.  That doesn’t stop you from stretching yourself over the table, closing the distance between the two of you, and placing a long kiss to the top of his beak.

[omgrachwrites]

Ocean Avenue (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC

Summary: When Darcie Baker - the daughter of a police officer - breaks her misfit friend’s heart at 16 she regrets it everyday even after she graduates though she knows she can’t go back and change what happened. Everything changes when over 10 years later she meets the gorgeous mechanic.

Warnings: fluff!

Words: 2174

A/N: I am so sorry for the wait guys but I’m back now! Hope you guys enjoy this part and please let me know what you think! I love you all! xxx

Part Fifteen

Bucky was working on a couple of dents on a gorgeous white Porsche car – he would have no problem at all getting one of those, if only money was no object. Though, he’d get it in a cool colour like red or black. He was getting a couple of hours of work in because he was meeting Darcie for brunch and they were driving a few hours out of town for his ex-girlfriend’s wedding reception the following day. The same ex-girlfriend who left him for another woman, though he held no grudges.

Bucky grinned at Steve as he walked out into the garage and handed Bucky a mug of unsweetened coffee. Bucky took a sip, wincing a little at the bitter taste of it; it was just how he liked it.

“Thanks man,” Bucky smiled gratefully and Steve nodded.

“You know, I can handle things around here if you wanted to leave a bit earlier bud,” Steve smiled and Bucky shook his head.

“It’s cool man, Darcie was working the night shift last night so she’s getting a few hours of sleep in before we even think about going anywhere,” he hesitated momentarily before taking another sip of his coffee, setting the mug on the side unit, “so, um, have you noticed anything different about Darcie? She’s been acting pretty weird and not like herself lately. I’m kind of worried man.”

Steve chewed his lip and scrubbed a filthy hand through his blonde hair that was so dirty it almost looked like it was black. The truth was that yes, he had noticed Darcie acting weird and he knew that Peggy knew what was going on. When Steve had asked his girlfriend what was going on she refused to tell him and told him that Darcie and Bucky would have to figure it out on their own. Peggy had assured Steve that technically there wasn’t really anything to worry about.

“Look Buck, maybe you should speak to Darcie about this, I mean I don’t know anything,” when Bucky scoffed Steve adopted an apologetic look, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky shrugged and shook his head, finishing the rest of his coffee, “no worries man, I’m gonna hop in the shower before Darcie and I hit the road. You gonna be okay holding down the fort for a couple of days?”

“Yeah of course,” Steve grinned, “you guys just have a great time, forget about this place, and I hope that Darcie is okay. She’s a strong woman so I bet she’s just fine.”

Bucky laughed, “yeah, I hope she’s okay too and she’s not thinking about breaking up with me,” he used humour to cover up that main pressing concern, “I’ll see you in a couple of days man,” he smiled and gave Steve a hug before he took off.

A couple of hours later Darcie messaged him to tell him that she was better rested and she was ready to hit the road. With that message he packed the bags in the trunk of his car and drove to her house to pick her up. At first glance Bucky knew that she was acting strange, when he kissed her she kissed him back but it didn’t feel like her heart was in it. However, he chalked it up to the fact that she was still tired. He was sure that she’d perk up once they had gotten some food into their bellies. The hour car ride to the diner was a silent one – apart from Darcie’s snuffles – due to the fact that Darcie decided to nap on the way there.

When the couple had arrived at the diner Darcie seemed to be more lively and chatty which cheered Bucky up immensely. She also seemed to be very taken with the young baby that was sitting perched on its mother’s knee a couple of tables away from them. It was when Darcie ordered a glass of water over a soda or even a mimosa that Bucky was stumped, maybe she was coming down with something or wasn’t sleeping enough which would definitely explain the dark circles under her eyes but Bucky didn’t want to be that prying boyfriend.

He trusted Darcie enough to believe that Darcie would tell him when she was ready to. It wasn’t until they were having their breakfast – pancakes swimming in bacon grease for Bucky and waffles with strawberries and cream for Darcie – that he had more of an idea what Darcie was thinking.

“Y’know, I think that we should find a place for us to move into together, it’ll get to be too much effort to move between apartments and houses. We should get a house together over an apartment, maybe the one with the baby blue shutters that overlooks the lake in the park with the flowers in the front garden. It’s been up for sale for a while now,” she looked over at Bucky as she stuck a forkful of waffle into her mouth.

Bucky had to hold his tongue for a little while, the only reason why that gorgeous house with the baby blue shutters had been up for so long was that it was so expensive. He could never afford a place like that.

Bucky swirled a little bit of pancake in the bacon grease before replying to his girlfriend, “yeah baby sure, we’ll buy it using the millions of dollars that I have stashed under my mattress,” he flashed her a grin to let her know that he didn’t mean anything malicious by his sarcasm, “but seriously baby, where is this coming from? I get it’s a pain in the ass moving between our two places all the time but why can’t we just get a slightly larger apartment or even a reasonably priced house, why does it have to be an extravagant one?” he asked, taking her hand from across the table and pressing a soft kiss to the top of it, “talk to me doll.”

Darcie sighed and slightly tightened her grip on Bucky’s fingers as she chewed her lip, looking worried, which in turn made Bucky worry, “I just wanted more space baby, that’s all,” she shrugged.

However, Bucky could tell that there was something more that she wanted to tell him and Bucky wished she would, he wanted her to know that she could talk to him about anything, and “what is it baby? You can tell me, you know that you can.”

Darcie looked at him with hope swimming in her pretty blue eyes, “okay but please, try not to freak out,” when Bucky nodded she took a deep breath and uttered the words that would change Bucky’s life forever, “I’m pregnant Buck and it’s yours, obviously. I’m a couple of months along and yeah, we’re gonna have a baby.”

Happiness ballooned in Bucky’s chest; it was all he had ever wanted with the woman that he loved. He was obviously quiet for so long that Darcie got worried, “Bucky? Are you okay? Is this okay?”

“Baby,” he paused, trying to compose himself, “I am so happy! This is the most amazing thing to happen! I’m so excited and I love you so much,” he grinned and he leaned over the table to kiss his beautiful girl. She positively beamed at him and cupped his chin to place a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I love you too baby, you’re gonna be such a great dad,” a flush appeared high on Bucky’s cheekbones at the compliment.

“And I know 100% that you are going to be the best mother there ever was, and we’ll be a family in the house with the baby blue shutters,” the smile that Darcie gave him was so stunning that he would happily trade all the money he had in the world for that smile. He grinned back at her and looked over at the clock on the wall, “we should probably get going; we’ve got a few more hours to go till we reach the hotel. We should aim to get there before dark so we have time to relax before the wedding because it’s definitely going to be full on tomorrow,” he chuckled and Darcie nodded.

------------------------------------------------

They both settled the bill and she laced her hand through his strong warm hand and they walked out to the car. Darcie felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her chest and she felt so much better for it. The drive to the hotel was dull and boring but the couple found their own ways of coping, every couple of hours they switched who was driving. They blared their music that ranged from completely ridiculous and cheesy musicals to heavy metal and classic rock. They even drove with the top down when they reached the coastal road and it was just like something from an old movie.

The sun was only just setting as Darcie and Bucky reached their hotel and Darcie looked over from the passenger’s seat to gaze at her boyfriend. The orange sky was casting a fiery light over his face, making him even more beautiful if that was even possible. He was wearing his sunglasses but if he wasn’t wearing them Darcie was sure that his soft blue eyes would look amazing in the fading light of day.

Checking in was thankfully quick and painless – apart from the peppy and perky woman at reception who flirted a bit too much with Bucky, though a venomous stare from Darcie scared her off – and they could finally relax. They ended the night by taking a bubble bath together with apple soda in champagne glasses.

“Did you think that we would ever be here?” Darcie murmured as Bucky kissed her wet shoulder.

“I had always hoped it,” he grinned, rubbing his hands over her belly where their baby was growing, “but I never thought I could have it.”

“I love you Bucky.”

“I love you too doll.”

The next morning started very early, there was hardly any time to wolf down a quick breakfast before they had to get back into the car and drive a little bit until they reached the seaside castle that Bucky’s ex-girlfriend Gen was getting married in. As soon as they saw the castle looming at them from the top of a cliff Bucky chuckled knowingly.

“Gen was always over the top, I just knew that she’d get married in a place like this. She can’t wait to meet you by the way,” Bucky said and Darcie beamed, feeling elated.

“I can’t wait to meet her either, I’m gonna get all the dirt on you from your old college days,” she smirked.

Bucky gasped and clutched his heart in feigned shock, “you wouldn’t dare princess.”

Just as Bucky had said the ceremony was extravagant but beautiful. White rose petals covered every inch of the wedding aisle. Fake trees that had fairy lights streaming from them had been placed in between the rows of cushioned white seats and a huge bouquet of white and pink roses had been laid on the altar.

“Suddenly I feel a little underdressed,” Darcie giggled nervously, looking around at all the other guests and she glanced down at her coral red dress that looked simple in comparison to the extravagant room and guests.

Bucky tutted as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck “behave baby, you look stunning.”

The two brides looked absolutely beautiful, they had both decided to wear wedding dresses – Gen was wearing a dress of ivory silk and her wife Laura was wearing a dress of champagne lace – Bucky sniffled and snuffled all the way through the ceremony. After the ceremony Bucky made the introductions and Gen excitedly embraced Darcie like a sister.

“It’s so amazing to meet you Darcie! You are absolutely gorgeous; you and Bucky make such a great couple!”

“Aw Gen,” Darcie beamed, “it’s great to meet you too, your wedding reception was absolutely perfect, thank you so much for letting us be a part of your special day. Also you’ll have to give me the dirt on Bucky,” Darcie smiled at Laura before she smirked at Bucky who shook his head with an amused look on his face.

“Anytime babe, thanks for coming! And of course, giving people the dirt on Bucky is my favourite thing to do!” she giggled, her eyes lighting up as she did so.

“Wow,” Bucky chuckled, “I didn’t realise you girls were such traitors,” Bucky teased as he pulled Darcie close and she pressed a sweet kiss on his cheek.

Darcie had never thought about her future beyond her career, she had never thought about being a mother or a wife but seeing how happy Bucky was when the brides were making their speeches and how sweetly he introduced her to his old college friends she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted that family with Bucky and she knew that he was the one that she wanted to marry.

------------------------------------------------

@theonelittleone @void-imaginations @panic-naran @wavyjassy @harryngtonewithyourshit @thesswintersoldier ​ @dreamacoholic @iamariotgrrl ​ @mikariell95

[niall-is-my-dream]

You & Me - Part Fourteen

2400 words

"Not long now Petal. Xxx" Niall had text.

He was due back from Scotland on an early flight and you had woken up to numerous messages from him. All of them saying how he couldn't wait to see you and how much he had missed you. 

He was planning on picking you up on his way back from the airport. You'd had got maybe an hour before he got to yours. Taking the time to shower and get dressed, you made sure that you looked your best. You almost ran to the door when the buzzer went, the excitement of seeing him too much to cope with.

It had been a long week. You hated how much you had missed him. What were you going to do when he had finished touring and was taking a break. After the jingle bell balls in December, everyone would fly home for Christmas and not meet up until mid February in time to rehearse for the Flicker World Tour. That meant about 7 weeks of not working with him. You knew he had golf commitments and that he would probably do some interviews as well. The thought of being away from him for longer than a week was daunting and you didn't like how you were feeling. When you had been seeing Jack it hadn't really bothered you when you were away for a few weeks. It made you doubt your feelings towards him and made you dissect your entire year long relationship. 

Things with Niall were so different from anything you'd ever experienced before. Yes it helped that you worked so closely together, so had to spend a lot of time with him. But everything with him was just so easy, so natural and you couldn't imagine being without him. The last few weeks had been an eye opener for you, the feeling that you had fallen in love with him had taken over you.

When you opened the door, Niall quickly stepped in and wrapped his arms around you. Burying his face in your neck, he kissed you along your jaw as he smiled and laughed at finally being reunited with him. When his lips met yours  you pulled him even closer to you. You kissed frantically for what seemed like hours, before finally pulling apart and resting your forehead against his.

"So glad to be back with you." He mumbled.

"I'm glad you're back to. I was third wheel with Bex and Willie, I caught them at it on the sofa last night too. Still traumatised this morning!" You laughed.

"Is he still here?" He laughed back.

"Yeah, they're in bed."

"Well, let's get going to mine then. I'm going to need to get a lot of naked time in before my Mum arrives this afternoon!"

Niall wasted no time in stripping you both down and jumping in the shower when you got back to his. Wrapping his arms around your waist you snuggled into his chest and the crook of his neck, breathing a sigh of relief.

"That was a big sigh." He whispered as he kissed your temple.

 "Just relieved you're back."

 "Relieved?"

 "Mmmm, just feel safer now that you're back."

 "Why haven't you felt safe?" He said, his voice laced with concern. You moved your head back to look at him and knew you shouldn't have said what you did.

 "I didn't mean safe, I um meant you know relaxed......that's what I meant."

 "Callie, what happened while I was gone?"

You let out another sigh as you took a step back from him, your arms were still around his shoulders, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I thought I saw Saskia in Topshop on Oxford street two days ago." You admitted not reaching his eyes.

"What? Why didn't you say anything to me? We've spoken everyday."

"I wasn't sure it was her, I only glanced at her and then she was gone. I'm just freaking out over nothing."

"Well it could've been her. Is this the first time it's happened?"

Your lack of answer meant that you had in fact thought you'd seen her another time.

"Callie?" Niall questioned.

"I thought I saw her across the street from the hairdressers a couple of days before that."

"Cal! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's all in my head, I'm sure of it. It probably wasn't even her!"

He pulled you closer to him, his forehead resting on yours.

"What if it was? Jesus Callie, I can't have you feeling unsafe because of me."

"Ni, it's fine. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. I'm sure of it."

"I'll call Kim when we get out of the shower, I'll see if I can get something in place for you."

"Please don't worry about me. I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you did need to tell me. And of course I'm going to worry about you, you're my girlfriend. You can't keep things like this a secret. She was fucking stalking us for weeks babe. Who knows what she's capable of."

You were shocked by his honesty. He was well and truly worried about everything that had been happening. This was the first time you'd heard him openly admit that he was worried about what she could do or would do.

"I didn't want to worry you while you were away."

"I'm always worrying about you. I promised Tom that I would protect you."

His fingers were rubbing circles on your hips, they were calming and relaxing. 

"I'm sorry, I should've told you straight away."

"Don't apologise. It's me that should be saying sorry. I caused all this mess."

"No you didn't, she did. Let's not talk about this now, we've said enough."

"We've only got a few hours until I need to collect my Mum from the airport. I wonder how many times I can get you to cum in that time." He replied, as he knelt down in front of you smiling.

A few hours later and you were back at yours, thankfully you didn't stumble in on Willie and Bex at it on the sofa again. The smile on your face was beaming partly due to the amazing sex you'd had for the past few hours with Niall and partly from being happy he was home again. He had definitely shown you how much he had missed you. Plus you knew with the packed worked schedule and his Mum staying with him, you wouldn't have any alone time until L.A.

Your parents weren't due for an hour yet, they were driving down from their home in Hertfordshire. Both your brother and you lived in London after studying here at one of the universities and never leaving the city.

This was your last day off as you'd got to head to the Abbey Road studios tomorrow as Niall was doing some filming. He was being interviewed and was performing some songs. You decided to put on some washing and do a tidy of the flat. It would only be a few more days and you'd be back in L.A. ready for Niall's album launch and the last leg of the tour.

You weren't nervous about tonight and your parents meeting Niall and his Mum. After speaking to them on Skype two weeks ago with Niall there, you knew they had warmed to him. The shock of all the Saskia stuff would've sunk in by now, and you hoped it wouldn't be the main focus of conversation tonight. Having met Maura, Nialls mum when you'd been in Dublin in August, you weren't as nervous as you probably should be.

Having not seen your parents for a couple of months you were looking forward to seeing them. You'd never introduced them to any of your previous boyfriends parents. Granted there had only been Jack, who you'd dated for a year and a lad called James who you'd dated on and off through University. With Niall the situation was different though, your parents had asked to meet him sooner than you'd expected them to because of the situation you'd found yourself in. With Maura coming over for five days to check Niall was ok with the whole thing, it had been natural for him to suggest dinner. 

You put Nialls postcode into your Dad's sat nav so that he could make it across the city. Your Mum had brought some wine along and had even gone and got Maura a gift. Apparently it was a candle, one of my Mums favourite scents. But she was worried about her taking it back on the plane to Ireland in case it broke. This was the topic of conversation for most of the journey to Nialls. It was sweet that your Mum was so nervous about meeting them both. She really wanted to make a good impression, as she knew how much Niall meant to you.

The evening went completely to plan. After talking through the Saskia situation briefly you had all decided that you weren't going to mention it again. You didn't want the evening to be dominated by talking about her. Thankfully Niall didn't mention you thinking you had seen her to either your parents or his Mum. It would only open a can of worms and cause them to worry even more.

Your Mum and Maura hit it off immediately. Niall laughed at your Dad as he rolled his eyes when they started talking about your Dad's lack of diy skills and how your Mum always has to hire someone to do even the simplest of jobs.

You hadn't had any time alone with Niall that evening apart from when you went into the kitchen to load up the dishwasher. He'd sneaked a few kisses and a quick smack of your bum before taking the desert through. Under the watchful eye of your Dad, he hadn't even tried to hold your hand under the dinner table.

When it came to say goodnight, he gave you a quick kiss on the lips and your Mum looked like she'd already mentally picked out your wedding dress.

Maura and your Mum were chatting and exchanged numbers so they could speak again and maybe organise seeing each other again. When you thought about it they were actually quite similar in personality.

Everyone hugged each other and Niall had a cute smirk on his face, knowing that he had completely won over your parents. He is such a smug fucker, you had thought as you left his that night.

Arriving at The Abbey Road Studios the next day was so exciting. Just walking into the building knowing who else had been there was giving you the chills. It was nice to meet up with everyone after a short break to, you really were a close team.

Setting up didn't take as long as you thought, you made sure you checked all of Nialls guitars. You just needed him to come and do the final check with you. He had been filming an interview while you had set up and was due to be filmed singing after that was done. Niall had woken up with a sore throat that morning and wasn't feeling 100%. You could tell he was struggling so you sat down in a quiet corner of the room to tune his guitars with him where he began being fidgety in his seat.

"How was your interview?" You asked as you scribbled some notes in your book.

"Yeah, good. The interviewer is someone who's actually ok. She asked me about Modest Golf, the album, musical influences and about dating....."

He looked up to you, waiting for a reaction. Rolling your lips into your mouth, you nodded but didn't say anything.

"She asked about Saskia. The only thing I'm legally allowed to say now is that we dated but ended things months ago. So that's what I said."

You let out a slow breath.

"At least it'll be out there for people to hear and she can't bad mouth you, even though legally she isn't allowed to now."

He was still fidgeting in his seat, you could tell something was off from the minute he had sat down with you.

"We do need to keep us a secret for a bit longer though. Is that ok?" He whispered.

"Were you worried about telling me that? Because I don't mind at all." You replied confidently.

"I was worried you'd be upset." 

"Ni, it's fine. Honestly, is that why you're so fidgety?!"

He smiled and admitted it was.

"I'm happy to keep it amongst close family and friends. I don't need everyone to know we are together. Although we might have to tell the crew. I can feel them watching us as we speak."

"Well, with increased security for us both, we will need to make sure everyone is aware for our own safety."

"That's fine by me."

"I wish I could shout from the rooftops about how much I love you, but I can't Petal."

Your eyes widened at his words. Did he just say I love you? Did he just say that for the first time when you were sat in the corner of the studio tuning his guitars?

His eyes widened too when he saw your face and he realised what he had just said.

"I um..." He mumbled but then Adam appeared at your side.

"You guys ready, they're wanting to come in and start filming I think?" He said, tipping his head towards the door to indicate the film crew who were there,.

"Yeah I think we are almost there, just five more minutes. Could you let them know buddy?" Niall asked him.

"Yeah, of course mate." Adam replied, oblivious to the conversation he had just stumbled upon.

You watched Adam walk away before turning your attention back to Niall.

"Sorry for just blurting that out." He said his face blushing. "Had hoped to say it somewhere a bit more romantic than here."

"You meant it?"

"Yeah, I don't expect you to say it back. But I realised when I was away that I can't be without you. Not felt like this before...... But now you know how I'm feeling."

He stood up and placed his guitar on one of the stands. You stood up next to him, your back to the room. 

"I love you too, just so you know how I'm feeling."

And his smile lit up the room.

Part Fifteen

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/183558982828/you-me-part-fifteen

[docfuture]

Seeing Blue

     [This story occurs between Chapter 36 and 38 of The Maker’s Ark.  The latest chapter of The Maker’s Ark is here, and links to some of my other work are here.  Updates are posted irregularly–theoretically every two weeks, a schedule I still aspire to return to someday.]

      Flicker was seeing blue.       It brought back memories.  Strobe-like images, vivid and unwanted.       Now she was back on the Bonneville Salt Flats, killing the Xelian fleet.       The Xelians themselves hadn't mattered--the battlecomp-directed ships were the foes.  They were the only entities fast enough to harm her.  And they had.  A chunk of Flicker's leg was gone from a hit by a petawatt laser.       But she could hit them too, and did.  Again and again, with ion pulses that started as rocks and iron shot.  She aimed with the help of her visor--green crosshairs pulsing through the blue haze in her eyes.  Then threw rocks up through shockwave-cleared holes in the air.  Enough hits in the right pattern could bring down those damned shields and they'd die.  She'd learned their secret.  How they stopped so many 0.15c rocks without vaporizing the ships inside.       They stretched into little pockets around each hit, reflecting almost everything long enough for the temperature to spike above 100 billion kelvins.  Most of each rock's energy was dissipated by photodisintegration, exotic particles, and a sudden flood of neutrinos--which then escaped in all directions, unperturbed by intervening force fields and mass.  As they did from the cores of supernovae.       Which was why she needed to throw five million rocks instead of five thousand.  She had always been throwing, always would throw.  It was hard to remember anything else.  Knowing about the neutrinos brought cold comfort, a comfort of relative cold--the part of Earth in line of sight to the fleet was just getting lightly cooked under a dull red sky rather than burnt to a crisp by a fire a hundred times more intense than the sun.       The Xelian fleet had gotten the Volunteer and Doc and Stella, but they hadn't stopped Flicker.  Now they were finally almost all gone, only a dozen ships left, and they were dying and dying--       "Flicker?  You there?"       Flicker blinked and returned to the present.  "Yeah," she said.       She'd awoken from her early-morning nightmare with a real need to talk to a friend, and limited options.  They were at an old safe spot, an overgrown set of tailings piles from a now-closed mine.  Flicker had dressed 'mild hazard casual'; a second-line visor, shorts and a black t-shirt with a radiation trefoil, all of which were slightly radioactive from previous use.  The Skystone necklace was a new addition.       "Flashback?" asked Armadillo.       "Yeah," said Flicker.  "But to the fleet battle, not the accident."       Armadillo nodded and put her radiation detector back in its protective case with careful and precise movements.  She looked like a bipedal snapping turtle with banded armor instead of a shell--an eight-foot-tall, four-foot-wide kaiju.  She took her name from her favorite tactic of curling up in midair before smashing into foes and obstacles like an organic cannonball.  Many assumed from her appearance that she had to be clumsy or slow-witted.  She was neither.  Her funny and informative anecdotes had helped Flicker learn the fine art of leaving things unbroken in a too-fragile world.       "Well, I can't tell what's going on inside, but what's getting out isn't too bad for a nearby human.  Sit close to someone for an hour, you'll give 'em half a millisievert at most."       "Thanks," said Flicker.  "I'm still pretty fuzzy.  I wanted a double check by someone I knew was radiation resistant.  It would probably be worse, but the Skystone seems to be stopping a lot.  It affects radiation going out as well as in, but I'm not sure how much.  Golden Valkyrie didn't tell me, Doc didn't know, and I haven't had a chance to characterize it very well yet."       Armadillo grinned.  "Glad to help.  The radiation profile was pretty strange, though.  How did you manage to get so much potassium-40 and carbon-14?  Normal levels of carbon-14 would barely be detectable.  Carbon dating would probably show you as negative a hundred thousand years old or something."       "Priorities," said Flicker.  "Both of those are naturally occuring and regular metabolism can cycle them, so I didn't make any special effort yesterday.  And I had lots of both left over from the fleet battle.  I pretty much hosed carbon dating then anyway--that put more carbon-14 into the air than every atomic test.  The potassium is hard for me to burn because the half-life is more than a billion years--I can drop everything by a factor of ten billion and still hardly touch it in a day.  But it's more a chemical imbalance threat to me than anything else, for the same reason."       "Does your 'burning' work the same way as Doc's isotope burner?"       "Not really.  It's magic for physicists--it makes decay more probable, dropping the half-life of most isotopes by about the same factor.  I just have to be careful to repair the damage as it comes and not fry anyone nearby.  I don't have to use the pool by the Tree, but it makes things easier."       "Handy.  Well, you might set off some alarms, but you don't have to completely avoid your friends."       Flicker pressed her lips together and didn't say anything.       "Hey, now.  Journeyman is alive and recovering.  I checked with DASI right after I got off the phone with you.  He'll be okay."       "I'm not," said Flicker.  "I'm still messed up pretty bad.  I just had to stop fixing things to sleep--and the nightmares interrupted that."       "Messed up physically or mentally?"       "Both.  My hand isn't even close to better, and I'm seeing blue."       "Seeing blue?"       "It's this... pain of a radiation biology thing."  Flicker frowned.  "How to explain..."       Armadillo snorted and grinned again.  "Flicker, I was coping with messy radiation biology before your father was born.  Try me."       "Yeah, sorry.  It's a faint haze of Cherenkov radiation in my eyes.  The problem is, it doesn't stop when I close them and darkness makes it worse, because it's coming from inside the eyeballs.  This bout is from the radioisotopes that I haven't been able to burn yet, because I didn't have a breathing mask with me at the pool, so I couldn't do much above my neck without irradiating Yiskah--and she wouldn't leave.  It's hard to ignore when I try to sleep because my eyes adjust.  And it's triggering PTSD flashbacks from the fleet battle."       "Hoo boy," said Armadillo.  "I've seen that.  The Volunteer has, too.  Seeing blue is a nice name for it, will it bother you if I use it?"       "No.  A cool name is something positive.  Not..."       Flicker trailed off and looked down.       "Flicker?" asked Armadillo after a time.  "Where are you at?  You want me to call anyone else?"       "I..."  Flicker looked up again.  "I'm not currently a hazard to myself or others.  And I'm not about to run away to a dark cave again.  But I'm right on the edge of not being able to talk coherently.  About not-physics, I mean.  I can talk about physics in my sleep."       "I'm not okay."  She waved her hand.  "But I'm never okay.  Not human okay.  I never have been.  I probably never will be.  All I can hope for is to be ready for the next thing, and to be able to pretend I'm okay for little bits at a time, while staying aware enough people are still safe.  Donner calls it being 'human compatible'."       "That's one way to put it," said Armadillo.  "What can I do to help?"       Flicker stared at a fringe of reeds growing partway up one of the piles.  A red-winged blackbird perched on one, proclaiming his territory to the spring sky.       "Right now I'm not ready for the next thing," she said, "which should probably be finishing off my excess radioactivity.  And it's hard to be compatible when you're radioactive.  So I'm not even going to try to pretend.  But being outside helps.  Sound helps, if I can hold still.  The voice of a friend."       She looked over at Armadillo bleakly.  "Tell me stories?  Dark humor, maybe?  The kind health physicists tell when they're drunk?  You must know some good ones."       "A few," said Armadillo.  "But I have another idea.  When Golden Valkyrie left, she didn't give you any guarantee she'd be back, right?"       "No.  She didn't."       "Okay.  Ignore for a minute the bit where she might not come back because the world has ended.  Are you bothered personally?"       "No sh--" said Flicker.  She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.  The ghostly blue flickering was still there.  "Sorry.  Yeah, it bugs me."       "Then there are a few stories I can share with you.  I worked with your mother a lot, and we got along pretty well.  I picked up some things I don't think she told anyone else on Earth, not even Doc.  Some of it is dark humor, but it's family dark humor.  Interested?"       "Um... Yeah."       "Then let's move over to the east side of the pile, where I'm parked."  Armadillo grinned.  "I brought chairs and drinks.  And I don't think you've seen my new ride yet."       *****       Flicker had to smile when she saw the vehicle.  "It's painted to look like you!" she said.  "Was it a Xelian military transport?"       "Yeah," said Armadillo.  "They used it for field redeployment of suited infantry and artillery.  Extravagant, but it can carry things--like me--on the outside and drop them without stopping.  That's what the gripper assembly is for.  Stella gave it to me, and DASI supervises the autopilot.  Gives me a lot more range when I'm on my own.  Which is a lot lately, with both the Volunteer and Golden Valkyrie gone."       "Did you paint it?"       "Nah, that was a couple of the Builders that are working at Jetgirl's shop. The first two are training some others, and they're as happy as hot rodders getting to work on a real sweet car.  One of them was good at heraldry, so she designed the paint job.  I talked to her a bit, she's a fine craftswoman."       "Heraldry?  You mean like costumes?"       Another grin.  "Think of it as visual IFF.  You could tell the flyer was mine just by looking at it.  Very handy--if I come tearing in for a fast drop, I want people thinking 'Here comes Armadillo!'  Not 'Ahhh!  Alien invasion!'"       "Oh.  Yeah."       Soon they were both seated comfortably, Armadillo in her custom portable chair--most human furniture was not designed to cope with someone who weighed a metric ton.       "Now I can give you an apology I've wanted to for a while," she said.  "I was pretty damn sure who your parents were for a long time before you found out."       "Golden Valkyrie told you?"       "Not directly.  But it was clear from the way she talked around some things--and she once asked me not to speculate 'before the time is ripe'.  I knew what that meant."       Flicker thought about that for bit.  "Was that like how pre-Lost Years superheroes handled family stuff back when secret identities still sort-of worked?"       "Yeah.  Most of the smart ones, anyway."       "Then you don't have to apologize.  She invoked a protocol and you respected it.  And she'd have known you would or she wouldn't have told you--she's a Seer and Chooser."       "I could tell how much not knowing bothered you, though.  So I'm sorry."       "Fair," said Flicker.  "Accepted."       "Okay.  Let's see," said Armadillo.  "You always like people to start at the beginning.  Did the Volunteer ever tell you much about superhero projection?"       "A little.  I'm not very good at it.  Most kinds require holding still for longer than I want to.  It's interesting to watch though--Nighthaunt is really good at it."       "He is.  There are some quieter forms of it that I found particularly handy.  Learned them from the Volunteer back in... Gosh, must have been the fifties?  The simplest one is 'On Duty'.  Makes any nearby trouble more likely to head for you than anywhere else.  Nobody really knows why it works, but it does."       "Yeah, I saw that in the Database statistics when I was first studying superhero crisis response data, and I always wondered.  Journeyman told me he thinks it's because there are all these little magicians casting NIMBY spells, and other people doing similar stuff, but everything has to happen somewhere, so how about over there where that superhero is standing?  It seems to be stronger in cities, because of the higher population density."       "Eh, I'm not sure it's stronger.  More trouble starts in cities, too.  And it's safer if you can manage it somewhere isolated.  Heck, I've done it here--that's why the top of that pile is missing."  Armadillo pointed at a truncated tailings cone to the south.  "Punched out a bunch of giant locusts there back in the eighties.  It does seem easier to pull off in cities, I'll give you that."       "Yeah, it's hard to untangle the biases."  Flicker yawned.  "Sorry, I'm still tired, I just can't sleep."       "No worries."  Armadillo grinned.  "And if you do nod off in a comfy chair during story time, well, that's one problem solved, isn't it?"       "True.  But I'd still like to hear about Golden Valkyrie."       "Right.  Anyway, about twenty years ago, I was out in the country, On Duty, when I saw this flying woman with a spear headed for me.  Things were a little unsettled.  This was the middle of the Lost Years, a lot of people had already died, and I was the only heavy-hitter free.  The Volunteer was off helping with a hurricane and Doc was out of touch.  So I was a bit wary.  But she wanted to talk, so I just waved, and she landed."       Armadillo smiled.  "Another thing I learned--when you're On Duty, you don't just attract stuff that wants to fight.  You can get visitors from who knows where that are lost or have questions.  That's how the Volunteer met Sealord.  And it was a good thing that the Volunteer is always ready to talk first, because Sealord was plenty mad, with reason.  So I had that on my mind, too.  Anyway, I asked her if she was lost, and she said 'not anymore'.  She looked a lot like one of your Choosers--she didn't have her armor yet--except kind of off."       "Off how?" asked Flicker.       "I knew she was some kind of shapeshifter or mimic, because there were parts of 'human' she could manage, and others that really needed work.  The way she talked...  Some of it was like she was reading a script, but the rest of the time she had to pause and hunt for words, like she was consulting an invisible phrasebook."       Flicker frowned.  "There was no reliable record of Golden Valkyrie in the main Database until fourteen years ago, except for the month after she first met Doc--and he hid that.  This would have been even earlier.  And I looked thoroughly."       "A lot less got recorded twenty years ago.  And her Sight could help her stay hidden in 'unreliable' reports if she wanted--and she did."       "But... Um.  Okay.  What did she want?"       "It took a bit for me to figure out, because she had language trouble with past, present and future.  Seer stuff, but it was hard to follow at first.  She finally got across one reason she was on Earth--something important was out of place.  I told her the person she probably needed to talk to was Doc Future, and started to explain who he was, and she cut me off and said he was the thing that was out of place.       "That worried me a bit.  Because Doc was gone, had been for a week, and no one knew where to.  His Database was just telling folks he was on an 'important mission'."       "Wait," said Flicker.  "Was this when he was helping Zirjack?  And she couldn't tell?"       "Yup, and apparently not.  She did wonder if he was off getting his 'chariot', which I found very interesting in hindsight after Doc came back with a flying car."       Armadillo grinned.  "Anyway, I couldn't help her with that, but I could help her with some other stuff, which sounded like just the sort of things someone smart but really alien would want to know about Earth before setting up a superhero secret identity.  I had it backwards, though; being a superhero was her secret identity, sort of.  We talked a lot after that and worked together, and it was obvious to me what was going on the month or so she was with Doc."       "Did she need help learning how to pass for a human?"       "Well, yes.  She needed help learning how to pass for a mammal."       "Oh."  Flicker managed a weak smile.  "Yeah.  Sealord had that problem, too, when he first started using his human form. And the Database had records of a few conversations she had with Sealord.  He seemed to get stuff about her that others didn't.  Which would fit with..."       She looked down.  "Okay, this is really personal.  But I'm afraid I might not get to talk to her again, and she warned me that I'll probably have a brother and a sister show up looking for me at some point, and I am so not ready to think about family that might expect me to answer questions like 'What are we?' when I don't know, and--"  She looked back up.  "Why are you smiling?"       "You don't have to make excuses.  This is family talk.  Of course it's personal."       "Point.  But she said she got advice from 'a human' and I think maybe the human was you."       "It was.  She mimicked the first human-looking person she ever saw, and apparently picked up some of her memories and skills, too.  But while she had many admirable qualities, the woman she mimicked didn't have children and didn't want them.  So--"       "Who did she mimic?"       Armadillo looked surprised.  "You haven't already figured that out?  It--"       Flicker sped up and used the virtual keyboard in her visor.  "DASI?" she sent.  "Spin up my adaptive local information model.  I'm trying to avoid a privacy block here."       "Activated," replied DASI.       "Assume Golden Valkyrie mimicked a Chooser and kept her appearance.  Rank order the candidates by probability."       "Osk, 97%.  Another Chooser who previously mimicked Osk, 2%.  Other possibilities negligible."       Flicker thought about how carefully Osk had chosen her words, when they had talked after her Japan trip.  She slowed back down, to the familiar feeling of social embarrassment.       "Osk?" she said.  "No wonder she was mad at Golden Valkyrie.  Yiskah and Sam both mentioned it.  But Osk wouldn't get upset without a good reason.  That's a good reason.  And I'm terrible at seeing family resemblances."       "No worries," said Armadillo.  "You missed out on a lot of childhood practice.  Anyway, Golden Valkyrie wanted advice on human motherhood.  Preferably from a superhero.  Her Sight could give her the general idea, but she still needed messy details.  Fortunately, her Sight could also find her someone to ask about them.  Like me."       Flicker sighed.  "Now I'm worried about your privacy, because you're marked as 'family off-limits' in the Database, and the old superhero privacy customs require making social inferences in ways I'm really bad at.  And when I asked Jetgirl if you have children, she told me you have grandchildren."       "Family is a flexible concept.  You didn't find any record of this until I decided it was time to tell you, right?  Jetgirl knew what she was doing.  We weren't sure who you'd find time to talk to first.  Worrying about family is reasonable, but you're a grown-up now."  Armadillo grinned again.  "You can worry along with the rest of us."       "Does she know one of your grandchildren?  Am I allowed to ask about that?"       "She's my great-granddaughter.  Her mother is my eldest granddaughter.  Which had a little bit to do with why Jetgirl was allowed to fly around in a jetpack doing superhero things at thirteen."       Flicker sped up to think about that.  She'd made so many assumptions, from limited data.  So many wrong assumptions.  She slowed back down, head still spinning.  "Oh," she said.       Armadillo looked at her sympathetically.  "We knew how family was a touchy subject for you.  Jetgirl told you I had grandchildren because she didn't want to go into details; all of my children are dead now--cancer, auto accident, and old age."       "Old age.  That's..."  Flicker trailed off.       "They call it 'death by natural causes' now, because coroners aren't supposed to call it 'old age' any more, but that's what it was.  He had a full life.  I don't make a point of my age, but my accident was in 1947--I know that's in the Database.  I wasn't going to have any more kids after that.  Not that I was likely to.  I was already in my thirties, and my husband died in World War II."  She smiled.  "Mutagor's serum worked on me, but it was a near thing, and I didn't have much to lose--I was dying of radiation poisoning.  It killed him when he tried it.  So even if the formula hadn't been lost, I wouldn't have wanted my children to try it.  I was very lucky."       Armadillo studied the blackbird, who was still chirping away.  "What happened to my youngest bothers me more.  He was so bright-eyed and enthusiastic back when he started, investigating crime and mischief of all sorts as a reporter.  And using his alarm watch to call the Volunteer for help when he got into more trouble than he could handle, which was all the damn time.  He got more cynical as he got older, but he never stopped digging into things to help people.  He was a reckless driver, though, and eventually that killed him."       She looked back and smiled.  "At least you got to meet him.  When Golden Valkyrie hinted to me that it was time for someone to be found, I knew who to call.  Didn't take him too long, and he knew to call the Volunteer and Doc when he found you."       Flicker felt her eyes filling with tears.  "Your son was Gumshoe?!"       "Determination runs in my family."  A gentler smile.  "My family of choice, too.  I could tell just how hard you worked to learn to talk understandably, when you were speeding up and slowing down all the time."       Flicker blinked a few times.  "Well, yeah.  I had no hope of making it out of the uncanny valley without that.  But I'm still not very...  Normal people don't have to avoid their friends because they're radioactive.  Again."       "Sometimes they do," said Armadillo.  "Like, say, if they're having internal radiation therapy for cancer.  And it was years after my accident before I could visit my kids.  The radioactivity at first, and then it was a long time before the doctors were confident enough I wouldn't be a biohazard to blood relatives.  This was still the fifties.  So they had to finish growing up without me."       She waved a hand.  "It hurt, on both sides, but what can you do?  It did prepare me for the Lost Years--and let me help your mother, who had the same problem.  And you."       "Oh," said Flicker, as she thought about the implications.  "Thank you.  But she's a lot farther from human than I think you realize.  She doesn't even live completely in three spatial dimensions.  And neither do I."       Flicker held up her injured hand, which looked healed, and wiggled the fingers, sending sensory tingles through unseen paths.  "My 'shell', Skybreaker, can't possibly connect to my human body in just the dimensions we see.  Doc proved that.  But he wasn't willing to experiment to find out exactly how it worked, because it was too dangerous.  We didn't know enough and there was no safe way to find out.  So how did my mother get me inside it in the first place?  Before I was born, even?  She had to be able to see and affect it somehow."       "We did discuss that a bit," said Armadillo.  "Have you ever heard of a critter called an anglerfish?"       Flicker's eyes widened.  "She used that analogy with you, too?"       "We talked about it before she even met Doc.  Seems the part of her that everyone sees, the part that can shapeshift and mimic a human body, is like the lure of an anglerfish.  And the rest of her body is somewhere else.  Not in our three dimensions, as you put it, or at least not the same part of them.  That part wasn't clear to me."       "Me neither," said Flicker.  "But she uses her lure, her human body, to interact with our world.  And to hunt, like an anglerfish."       Armadillo grinned.  "She used it to attract a mate, too.  Did she mention that bit of anglerfish biology?"       "...yes.  I'm still not handling it very well," said Flicker.  "Wait.  If you told her about Doc when you first met, why didn't you warn him?"       "I did.  Didn't seem to bother him.  He was a lot less uptight when he came back from his trip."       Flicker squeezed her eyes shut, involuntarily remembering Doc's words:  "At least she what?  Looked human?  I knew what kind of being I was letting in before I opened the door the first time--I was neither ignorant nor beguiled.  Reckless, I'll grant."       "Oh," she said.  "Well that's... nice, I guess.  But you know what really bothers me?  I asked Golden Valkyrie if I was like that, or would become like that, and she said 'not in any great way, anytime soon', which was not a no.  I wasn't able to deal with anything more until I processed.  I was planning on asking her later, and now she's gone."       "Eh.  I put on forty pounds a year for decades.  Complicated a lot of things, and I didn't know when, or even if, it would slow down.  But it did.  So I can give you advice on changes."       "I imagine clothes were a problem," said Flicker.  Then she yawned despite herself.  The nightmare panic was wearing off.       "Oh, clothes were just the start," said Armadillo, grinning again.  "Why I remember..."       Armadillo's voice was soothing, as was the wind and sunlight and the blackbird.  Flicker closed her eyes for just a moment...       She woke up, startled, from a vaguely pleasant dream.  She sped up to check alerts--everything was green.  But the time--it was afternoon.       "Augh," she said.  Her mouth was dry and sticky.       Armadillo looked up from her handcomp--it looked like she had been reading a book.  "Did you have a nice nap?" she asked.       "Yes, but I'm late!  I missed--"       "I warned everybody.  They all said to let you sleep.  Without exception."       "Okay, but--  Okay, thanks for the talk, and everything, and the family stuff, and I'll want to talk more sometime but there's things I really have to do, like getting rid of some more radioactivity before I go talk to Journeyman--I'm way late for that--and--"       "No problem," said Armadillo.  She waved a hand in farewell.       As Flicker sped away, she looked up.  The flashes in her eyes were still there, but they didn't bother her as much.       The sky was blue, too.

[renaisty]

Spider-Man: Homecoming Fic Recs

Rating: up to T. All except two are one-shots or complete. (If it’s incomplete but still here, I love it way too much.)

I’ve sorted the fics into Gen, Ships and Series. Links and summaries under the cut.

Enjoy!

Gen Fic

White Lies - Pline

Peter does not think.

Or rather, he thinks but just in that rushed thoughtless way where thoughts go so fast through the brain they’re barely formed.

It’s enough to make a decision.

If he’s being honest, the decision has already been made years ago, the day he decided to wear a mask.

My identity is not worth more than someone else’s life.

Occupational Hazard - aloneintherain

(Peter learns to cope and communicate with the people around him, post-Homecoming.)

find warmth in the middle of the night - aloneintherain

5 times Peter was called out for wearing someone else’s clothes, + 1 time he wasn’t.

Oversized Shirts - Quillium

Or, 5 times that Peter wore someone else's clothing, and one time that he wore his own.

Messed Up - Quillium

Peter has a panic attack, and Ned is there for him.

Trust Falls - garamonder

Even after the Avengers reunite, Peter harbors doubts about his place on the team.

guardian - JolinarJackson

May put her arms around him. “Why didn't you tell me?” Peter shook his head. “I didn't want to worry you. It's not as bad as it looks.” Tears threatened again at his words. “It's a stab wound, Peter. In your chest.”

Or: The one where May notices what state Peter is in when he returns from the Homecoming dance and doesn't learn the truth, but still manages to be exactly what he needs.

quiet my storm and let me rest - abrightgrayworld

It's the anniversary of Uncle Ben's death, and Peter is hurting.

Luckily, he has Ned and MJ for best friends.

triumvirate - CivilBores

tri•um•vi•rate a group of three powerful or notable people or things existing in relation to each other.

-

MJ, Ned, and Peter all care about a lot about each other in their own little ways.

Thunderstruck - everythingsace

Peter didn’t know when it started. It’d just been a thing for as long as he could remem--

Well, actually, that’s a lie.

He knew exactly when it started.

(Or, the one where Peter has a hilarious crush on Thor.)

Gen Fic with other avengers (because they’re few and far between)

shelter also gave their shade. - Mellaithwen

Injured after his final battle with the Vulture, Peter Parker gets some unexpected help.

“As if anything would’a kept you away from that beach.” Captain America scoffs. “Brooklyn’s ours, Buck. Besides, we look after our own.”

the streets I used to know - Antarctica_or_bust (incomplete) [edit: now complete]

Bucky ends up in NYC chasing memories and forms an unlikely friendship while he's there.

An Introduction - garamonder

After the Avengers have reunited, a surprise visitor to Midtown High leaves Peter scrambling to protect his identity.

The Sky is Awake, So I'm Awake - JBS_Forever

"But that's the thing. Peter isn't an Avenger. He isn't Iron Man or Captain America or Thor. He is a kid, and he is trapped under a building, begging for someone to help." (Or: what if Captain America stumbled across Peter after the building collapsed on him?)

scars can come in handy - andibeth82

“Coop invited a friend over,” Clint explains as he flops onto the couch. “He didn’t tell me. This kid from camp.”

“Is he okay?” Laura asks in a voice calm and neutral and practiced, every bit as natural at this game when children are present.

“Yeah,” Clint responds. “He seems fine. It’s just…he looks familiar. Like I’ve seen him somewhere before.”

[or, Peter comes to the Barton farm.]

Ship Fic

Various

Obliviousness (is your other superpower) - Sans_Souci (incomplete) [This might just be my fave, if you guys read nothing else, you might as well read this one.]

There were times, MJ reflected, when being bisexual sucked because it meant that she liked boys too.

Peter/Michelle

The Universe Conspires - nire

When Peter Parker says the words that identify him as her soulmate, Michelle Jones refuses to play by the rules. Because fuck the system, that's why.The universe has other ideas.

Peter/Ned

100 ways to fall in love - CivilBores

"Let’s do something, then,” Peter says. “Let’s do something totally crazy and adventurous- something you’ve never done before.” “Like what?” “I don’t know,” Peter admits, looking at the wall. “Don’t you have anything that you really, really want to do?” Ned thinks. Across from him, Peter anxiously clicks his ballpoint pen. “I have this bucket list on my phone,” Ned admits.

—

Peter and Ned set off to complete 100 insane tasks in 24 hours. They try to make it last.

you know, we're on each other's team - pulses

Lesson 2: You will save his life. Over and over and over again. Sometimes he will return the favor.

All's Fair in Larb and War - phonecallfromgod

Ned Leeds just wants to transition painlessly into college life, but that's easier said than done when Tony Stark has a personal beef with you, Liz Allan's back in town, and your roommate and your superhero boyfriend hate each other (but just don't know it yet).

The Vigilantes' Boyfriend Support Group - phonecallfromgod

The worst part of it was, Foggy’d been having a perfectly pleasant day before he’d woken up blindfolded and tied to a chair.

Or Foggy makes an unlikely friend in an unlikely place and they bond over some very specific shared life experience.

for what it's worth - clxude

The elevator falls, and Ned falls in love along with it.

and every year, - clxude

it's never enough; he's always too far away

Series (Gen)

Administrivia - Zelos

He wasn’t a hero. He was just a high school principal.

this has been a public service announcement - Nokomis

caught between ten and twenty - brahe

(If anyone would like their fic to be removed from the list just drop me a line and it’ll be done.)

[4yutaeil]

prince johnny & the mermaid

(its u. ur the mermaid) 

ft. some other nct princes & mermen 

basically takes place in the same au as mermaid taeyong which if u havent read is here! 

so ... ur a mermaid princess from a different kingdom 2 taeyong n the rest of the nct mermaid gang.

& you’re visiting because the Ruler of Ur Kingdom (ur dad) has 2 go for the annual Mermaid Council Meeting and is like “listen you’re the next in line to rule you have to come.. You need to learn what your responsibilities are gonna be” 

n you dont rlly wanna go but you’re like FINE whatever. 

so you tag along & u dont rlly bother meeting the citizens of the nct kingdom bc you’re gonna be there for like a week tops before u gotta leave again so whats??? the Point. 

u basically plan to spend the week in ur Luxurious Clam Shell sleeping.

but you get bored so u decide to swim off towards the castle bc u overheard someone saying how pretty it is so u wanna see for yourself!!! 

bc ur kingdom is in the middle of the Ocean so you’ve never actually seen a castle. or Humans rlly. 

But you’ve heard about them! 

so you’re swimming 2 the castle when u hear someone singing ... and you’re like okay well im the only mermaid here so!! thats gotta be a HUMAN 

so u poke ur head out of the water but u dont .... see anyone? 

but u recognise the song they’re singing so once they’ve stopped u sing the next part of the song back 2 them ... hiding behind a rock so they dont see u O F C ! 

you’re not about 2 get urself caught pffff ! 

& u see a head poke out of one of the windows and ur like TIME TO GO! 

but not without gettin a glance of tht incredibly ,,, ,handsome face ,,, 

anyways this continues for like ! 3 days. u go to the same spot, hear the same beautiful boy singing & sing back 2 him when he stops . 

n he looks out of the window Every! Time! but you’re 2 quick for him 2 see you lol

but then u go back the 4th day ,,, n u hear music but no??? singing?? 

so u go a little closer n perch yourself on a rock tryin 2 get a closer listen, n u hear the most beautiful melody coming from the same room. 

and before u know it you’re humming along.

its not until a little while later tht u realise the music has stopped and ur just going along on ur own and u look up 2 see The Boy(tm)... 

in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up n these dorky glasses (Y’all know the look im on abt  ..... That Look).

n you’re like .... GOTTA BLAST!!!!!!!! 🐠💨💨💨

n here’s the thing .... prince johnny cannOT stop thinking about u.... nd it was all a ruse ! 

obviously not in a Bad Way he just wanted 2 find out who was fINISHING HIS SONGS BEFORE HE GOT THE CHANCE 

n he didnt.... think you’d be tht beautiful ..... 

& he spots ur tail as ur escaping and he’s like ... HOLD ON A COTTON PICKIN MINUTE ! 

lucky for him ... it was Cupcake Collection Day(tm) for his good Mermaid Pal Taeyong 

so while taeyong is eating his cupcake .... johnny brings up The Topic 

“so uh,,, taeyong,,,  u know pretty much everyone in ur kingdom right???”

taeyong with a mouth full of cupcake: i guess 

“so uh there’s this.... person .... a merperson, if u will, and u Gotta help me find them” 

taeyong: “whats in it for me???”

johnny: “an extra cupcake” 

“make it 12″ 

“6.” 

“ok deal” 

so johnny tells taeyong abt this mermaid ,,,, a Beautiful mermaid with the most Beautiful voice 

“are u sure ur not talking about taeil?” 

“shut up im sure” 

so taeyong is like kk ill help u lol 

“taeyong u cant help him. they have 2 leave in like 2 days” - doyoung

“bUT HE LOVES THEM!!!!” - yuta 

“he hasn’t even met them!!!” 

“IT'S CALLED LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!” 

“that isnt a thing!” 

yuta pulls out a rose & hands it to taeyong “tell them it’s from johnny” 

“where did you even get that from?” - taeyong

“he just carries them around. it’s better not to ask” - johnny 

MEANWHILE you’re at a Boring Mermaid Council Meeting 

“ok listen ,,, we get that ur helping the humans by sabotaging the sirens but ... its gotta stop they’re goin 2 other kingdoms who have Enough Problems” 

and that subject peaks ur interest.

these ... mermaids are sabotaging sirens?? Lmao serves them RIGHT ! 

so after the meeting ,

like, later at night, u hear this off-key singing and you’re like ok what the F

and ofc u gotta check it out because what MerMoron is disgracing ur Entire people like that.

n there u see Merman Moon Taeil, a couple meters behind sirens, hangin out by boats tryin 2 Do Their Thing.

but they can’t because Merman Moon Taeil is singing ,, horribly out of tune and off-key and it Clicks. 

this is how they’re saving sailors lol. singing loudly and off-key to drown out the sirens song . its pretty smart. 

n this guy looks like he’s havin the Time of his Life, so u swim up behind him n join in. 

u 2 are havin a WHALE of a time , singing out of key n just absolutely ruining the sirens favourite pastime 

but then u spot one wander off n you’re like ..... well that’s not suspicious AT ALL 

so u Follow. and then you see this Lone Guy in a tiny boat and you’re like what kinda DUMBASS 

and u poke ur head up to get a look at the idiot that’s on his own & JUST UR LUCK its Cute Castle Guy. 

literally ur only thought is “is this boy actually 100% For Real what is he Doing” 

and u dont! Have time to start singing off key because he’s pretty much already Hooked on this sirens song so .... 

u straight up tackle the thing away from him. No1 is hurting ur Cute Castle Boy with the nice voice. Not on UR Watch .

n ur fightin with this thing for a Good Couple Minutes until it just hisses @ u and goes back 2 its own gang. 

“YEAH THATS RIGHT U RUN AWAY !!! n dONT COME BACK!!” - you until u realise u should Probably check to make sure the boat hasnt crashed or something.

He’s a bit dazed n confused and has No Idea what the Heck just happened

and johnny is so pretty u just kinda stare for a while until ur like Right i should probably ,,, like ,, make sure he doesnt Die.

so with all ur Mighty Mermaid Power u push his boat back 2 shore 

by which time he’s completely Mostly recovered 2 the point he can recognise u and he’s like 

“ITS U!” 

to which you, once again, gotta blast 🐠💨💨💨

but he , being Cute Clumsy Castle Idiot tries 2 be all dramatic and grabs ur arm , 

proceeding 2  FALL Out of his boat face first into wet sand with the occasional wave just .... rolling over him .

and you’re like .... really ??? Really now. Really .

*ur longest deepest sigh ever* 

“are you ok?” 

he holds 1 hand up and does the a-okay sign.

u cover ur mouth so he doesnt hear u LAUGH

he hears it. looks up. gives u that dUMB EMBARRASSED JOHNNY SMILE. (U know the one). 

 n you BLUSH because he’s so gosh Darn CUTE. even if he is an IDIOT. 

“i just wanted 2 make sure u were okay ...” he says in the Sweetest most Caring voice Ever and it makes ur heart melt BEcause .... .

“I COULD HAVE SWAM TO ANOTHER COUNTRY N UR JUST GONNA GRAB MY ARM LIKE THAT U COULD HAVE D I E D!!! I did Not just save u for you to DIE” 

that stupid dumb embarrassed johnny smile is STILL THERE and you’re trying to Convince yourself he is Not Cute Enough for ur poor heart 2 be Racing like This. 

“whatever ,,,,,,,,, im fine thank you” 

but he spots that nasty scratch on ur cheek courtesy of that stupid poor excuse for a sea witch n he .... puts his hand on ur cheek . 

and ur brain is Screaming at u GOTTA GO MY OWN WAY but u cant ... bring urself... to leave bc he’s LOOKING at u ,,,,  

OH Boy ,,,, 

he’s Really ,, Looking at u with those big concerned eyes and ur Poor Heart literally cannot cope like ... his hand is so ,, ,warm and 

even though all he’s done is move a piece of ur hair  ,,, and tucked it behind ur ear ,, 

you’re already feeling a lil bit better.

so instead ur like “pff whatever its just a Scratch” Because You! are One Tough Cookie 

adn u dont need this Beefy arm Boy lookin @ u like That.

“it looks really painful!! Wait here we have a first aid kit in the lifeguard hut!” 

you go 2 stop him but he’s already up and running so all u can do is like ,, roll ur eyes n Sigh & wait for him to come back

n he does and you’re like “Listen u really don’t need to do this im a mermaid we don’t feel pain.” 

he proceeds 2 dab a cotton pad 2 ur cheek & u hiss at him because 

“THAT HURTS !!!” 

“ok 1. i should have warned u its going to sting and 2. ur a LIAR one of the kennel dogs got overhyped & scratched doyoung by accident. he cried like a baby” 

you laugh n johnny thinks ,, its the most beautiful sound in the entire world. 

like he’s got 1 hand by ur cheek trying to clean ur battle wound but he’s just sO ,,, entranced by your laugh that he just , forgets what it was he was doing. 

“hey bud are you ok?” 

“YES! Yes , ,i am sorry i was just ,, where was I.” 

he’s LOOKING at u again and like , you’re honestly Just as lost as he is because ,, 

up close u can finally see his eyes and they are just. so pretty are humans Supposed ??? To be This Pretty?

& suddenly u realise Why humans make statues & paintings of Other Humans because like, wow they’re So Beautiful. 

is there a statue of this breathtaking boy sat in front of you out there somewhere? There should be. 

he clears his throat eventually and runs his hand thru his hair n does a little embarrassed laugh , 

“by the way um ,, did you get that rose ? From taeyong?”

and you’re like “uhhh,, the what from who now?” 

n he hits himself mentally bc DUH Doyoung said u were from another kingdom so like , maybe u never met them he doesn’t know so he’s just like “nevermind!!” 

and that’s when it hits u... You don’t even know Cute Castle Boy’s NAME.

BUT youre leaving soon so u figure it doesnt matter anyways :(

so you’re like uhhh i should ,,, go. thank u for ,,, this.

n he’s like !! wait idk ur name!!!!!

so you tell him,, n he repeats it & like

youve had Literal Ocean Royalty sing ur name to get ur attention but.

it doesnt even COMPARE to the way he says it.

and u tell urself that it doesnt matter. u need to Stop bc you are leaving there is Nothing u can do about it

and he’s about to tell you his name but. it’s just Better for u that you Dont know it and he stays as Cute Castle Guy

so before u can even hear him say his own name You Are Outta There bc!

no! attachments!

esp not to humans!

and johnny ,,, 

poor sweet johnny is just.dumbfounded and lost bc?

what. Just happened. 

the next day ,, Johnny plays his piano hoping that you’ll pop up and sing along to his playing, and when he realises that like,, you’re not gonna show up he just . his hands slump against the keys n he’s just ?

what did he do Wrong? 

eventually he has to meet taeyong 2 give him the cupcakes even though taeyong was No Help at All 

and johnny ends up eating most of them himself and taeyong is like ok buddy spill the beans whats wrong 

so johnny tells him abt you ,,, and that he Finally met u and you Saved Him! but u left before he could tell you his name n you didn’t show up to sing today and 

taeyong feels a lil guilty but He knows there’s not much he can do because like , you’re from a different kingdom ? Ur literally the future ruler ,, so he can’t try 2 convince u to stay. 

BUT You’re not actually Leaving until tomorrow so Maybe. he can convince u to see johnny before u go. 

so he’s like “leave it to me!!!” and finishes his cupcake before zooming off to find you.

but he has 2 find doyoung & taeil first because they need to come up with a Plan

& they find u sitting pretty in ur  little Clam Shell just ... looking Very? Confused and

suddenly the big Plan is out of the window because doyoung swims straight up to you, looks you in the eye and says, “our human friend is a Mess.” 

and you’re like ?? Who even Are you but then u recognise taeil behind him who’s waving at you and you’re like oh ok one of his weird friends.

and you’re like “anyways idk who you’re talking about” 

“our FRIEND. u saved him last night ! His name is-”

“DONT SAY IT I dont need 2 know his name!!!” 

and doyoung is getting a liiiiiittle annoyed because like, despite everything johnny is his FRIEND and he wants him 2 be happy!! so he just backs off and taeyong takes his place like ,

“listen. we’ve known him for a while now & he’s never talked about any1 like this before. n we know you’re leaving but he would rlly love to get the chance to talk 2 u.” 

and now you’re more confused than ever!! Because you’re leaving Really Soon and you don’t! need this! 

but he’s so cute ,,, and seeing that dumb smile of his one last time wouldn’t hurt, , right?

“ok fine tell him. i’ll be sittin on the rock by his window tomorrow at dawn, before i leave.” 

the 3 boys high five n taeyong secretly wonders if he’ll get more cupcakes for this.

The Next Morning at like ? 6am. you’re nervous as Hell. 

you really shouldn’t be doing this because its just going to make things worse for you And for him. 

but you’ll probably never see him again ? So, just 2 yknow, say it was nice to meet him and goodbye, u show up.

Also maybe get a cupcake ? because taeyong literally would not shut up about them and now you really want to try one. 

you show up. and johnny is already there , holding a rose 

(a nice one. not a fake one like the ones yuta carries around)

and he looks Super nervous and you’re also Really nervous but. 

you swim up to him anyway and poke his arm. 

which makes him jump 

and that embarrassed smile comes out again and you can literally feel your heart melting because god he is Adorable. 

and you’re starting to think this was a Really Bad Idea. 

but he looks at you and he hands you the rose, and you’re about to speak when he stops you, 

“I just. Wanted to say thank you for saving me. And the guys told me you’re leaving and that really sucks but I’m really happy you decided to see me again.”

and you just. for once in your life you’re speechless and you just stare at the rose he gave you and. eventually you just manage to stutter out a “you’re welcome” and 

you two are just staring at each other for what feels like Hours. and you’re pretty sure you could do it for a lot longer because he’s just so nice to look at. 

but before you know it, doyoung & taeil are behind you, and they’re like, “you gotta go, your dad is waiting for you.” 

and it feels like your heart is breaking because ! you dont wanna go! you wanna stay and you want to get to know Cute Castle Boy.

but you have a kingdom to rule over in the future. 

so you try not to look too sad as u look at johnny and give him a smile, 

and he cups ur cheek the same way he did the night before ,and he’s pulling you closer and before you know it his lips are on your cheek

and you’re Blushing like Crazy! !!!! because oh my god he just kissed you. 

he finally moves his hand from your cheek 2 your hands,

“my name is Johnny, by the way” 

Fuck.

you cant really do or say anything because you gotta leave Now. 

so you look back one last time before joining the boys and give him a little wave, and he waves back before watching you swim away. 

So, here’s the thing.

When you were a baby, a tiny little adventurous mermaid swimming along dolphins three times your size, 

you had accidentally gotten a little carried away and wandered outside of your kingdom barriers, 

lost and confused, you found a light which you followed into a cave, 

and there you met ur friendly neighbourhood sea witch. 

she hadn’t really been banished from your kingdom, mostly because she knew she wasn’t welcome so she just kept to herself. 

but she thought, hey! if i help the ruler’s kid get back to the kingdom, maybe they’ll realise im Not So Bad and accept me. 

so she takes you in, makes sure you’re safe, and helps you find your way back .

UR FATHER, however, freaks the hell out and starts going off about how,

“This wicked sea witch tried to KIDNAP my child! How dare you! You are Banished” 

so , the sea witch does what literally Every Other Disney Villain would do. 

she puts a curse on you before the king tosses her out on her ass.

This curse,  however. 

when you fall in love, you’ll turn into a human so you can’t Be with them. (because yknow everyone thought you’d fall in love with some Beautiful Mermaid Royalty) 

so while you’re swimming home,

taeil, doyoung and taeyong volunteering to be your escorts, making sure u get home safe and sound.

(you didnt really need them but those boys are Stubborn and also wanted 2 see what your kingdom looks like) 

but because they’re there you don’t really need to stay with ur dad; you’re old enough & ugly enough 2 take care of yourself and show your friends your favourite parts of the journey back

but suddenly you’re finding it really hard to breathe and swimming is Really difficult

and something is Horribly, horribly wrong. 

so you grab whatever you can which happens to be doyoung’s tail 

and he turns around like what the Hell. 

Oh, shit. 

he’s yelling for the other boys 2 help you and ur dad is too far ahead to hear whatever is going on.

so the boys take it upon themselves 2 save U. 

and they’re swimming back to the beach as fast as they can and they get to shore and luckily! 

Johnny is sitting there, looking out at the ocean wondering if he’ll ever see you again. 

and doyoung is just Yelling at him

“DO U HAVE TOWELS GET SOME TOWELS DO U KNOW CPR!!!!!!!!!!” 

so johnny has no idea what the Heck is going on but he runs to get towels, helps the boys wrap you up and take you to the lifeguard hut 

where johnny puts u on the sofa and he’s like , desperately trying 2 get u to wake up. doing cpr and whatever else he can .

like he has no idea whats going on but you’re here and you’re not breathing and he’s panicking because like, he can’t lose you??? He can’t. He Wont. 

and its been what seems like fOREVER but you’re finally! coughing up water and you can breathe again and you’re feeling Very lightheaded and dizzy but all you can really think about is. 

that Johnny’s face is hovering over yours and he looks like he’s about to throw up but then he sees your eyes open and he has Never 

felt this much relief in his Life! 

and before you can even Process what the hell is going on, he’s leaning in closer and you’re kind of trying to figure out what’s going on but! 

he already has his arms wrapped around you so tight, never ever wanting to let go because 

he could live with himself knowing you were out there, alive with the slightest chance of coming back to visit him 

but he would never be able to bear it if you were gone forever .

so he just keeps you in his arms for a Very Long time, whispering in ur ear how scared he was, that he thought he’d lost you. 

the other boys have left u alone, yuta and doyoung arguing outside

“i TOLD U love at first sight was real!”

“shut up yuta they almost DIED” 

“he saved them! he saved them with true loves first kiss” 

“he literally gave them cpr” 

but ignoring those 2 bickering.

u and Johnny are just. holding each other and. you can’t explain it but it feels Right that you’re with him

and he is just so happy that you’re alive and okay. 

and everything just feels like it’s falling into place. 

and before anything else happens you’re just . kissing him .

and he’s kissing you back.

and it all just feels so Perfect. 

[milothebastardman]

Starved

(nobody really asked for this but take it anyway, the red boy needs a little more stuff about him. also, I have to say this was high-key inspired by @asklakewooddarrell and I’m so in love with their idea??? check them out pls it’s way better than this indulgent junk.)

He was the unseen creation, the one who never could do enough to get noticed by his father, and the one who seemed to fail the most. Even when his other brothers and sisters lost, it wasn't quite as big a deal because they at least had a couple victories under their bolts. He had no victories, absolutely zero. He consistently lost to heroes that were below his level, sometimes he even managed to lose to a little brat that wasn't even level one yet! It led to him being melted down more times than he could count, vicious, biting words stuck on repeat in his CPU no matter how many times he tried wiping his system clean.

He hated it, hated the way his youngest brother got so much praise while he was constantly left in the shadows. Even his younger sister was given more opportunities to shine than he was, even if she nearly always messed it up. The one time he was in the spotlight, it was for such a brief moment that it did more harm than good. Now he knew what it felt like to have someone openly show love towards him, and all it did was make every day he didn't get any even worse. He was so much more than a simple AI, he was one of the most complex robots in circulation! Just giving him a good restart once in a while wasn't enough, he needed so much more than that!

He was starved. Starved of attention, of affection, of love... Starved of anything positive, and absolutely drowning in everything negative. Breathing wasn't something a robot needed to do to survive. It was something a robot shouldn't need to do to survive. Yet he still felt like his mechanical lungs couldn't expand fully, couldn't function properly with the massive weight pressing down on his metal chest. Why did Lord Boxman design him with such complicated emotions if he wasn't going to express them in return? Why would anyone, villain or not, create something which could feel and desire love, only to show it disgust and hate instead?

... Why would anyone waste their time building him, to begin with? These thoughts became the norm, and he slowly began withdrawing from his siblings. The older ones didn't notice anything, mostly because they hardly saw his model anyway. The younger ones had to have noticed something was off, but they either chose to ignore it or didn't care enough to bring it up. He wasn't sure which one hurt him worse. Recharging overnight became difficult. He found himself wandering the Boxmore halls late at night, his CPU running slowly as he burned through power stores that were meant for emergencies only. Lord Boxman only became more irritable when he'd find him in the morning, slumped against a wall, powered off after his battery finally died.

It was nice when his battery died. He felt nothing, desired nothing, and simply floated in an endless sea of darkness. There were no pointless competitions with the younger siblings for the love he'd never receive, no fighting battles he was always destined to lose, and no angry glares as Lord Boxman went about repairing him. Of course, this state never lasted long enough. He was always charged back up, his head pounding as he slowly came to with the first dregs of power back in his system. The first few times it happened, Lord Boxman yelled at him for being so stupid. As it became more commonplace, however, to find him with a dead battery, the villain just rolled his eyes and called an Ernesto to move him out of the way.

He saw Lord Boxman less and less, what were once brief periods of powerlessness slowly growing into hours, sometimes even days. The last time it happened, he'd been down for a whole week before anyone bothered to plug him in. He came to like always, CPU barely trudging along as it struggled to work. He was still starving, his processors crying out for much-needed love and attention, though he no longer paid it any mind. He was resigned to this lonely fate, one where he would never feel the gentle warmth of love again. So he left.

He'd imagined doing it before, but back then he'd been so much more naive. He was so sure that if he ever tried to leave, Lord Boxman would come rushing toward him at the last possible second. The mighty villain would have angry tears in his eyes, and he'd yell at him for being foolish enough to believe that he didn't love him. The others would overhear the argument and would gasp, eyes wide in shock because how could their favorite brother think this? How could they have let him slip so far away that he began to think this? They'd all cry and hug him, promise to never let him go again. Never take him for granted, no matter what he did.

That didn't happen. He walked out the front door of Boxmore and never looked back, mechanical heart racing for a few moments as he waited for someone to call his name. He made it across the highway, though, and over to Lakewood Turbo Plaza before he realized that nobody would notice he was gone. Or maybe someone had noticed, but just didn't care enough to try and stop him? He looked down at the concrete, feeling frustrated, disappointed tears welling up in his eye. This was it. He couldn't go back now, couldn't handle being faced with the ultimate truth that Boxmore Industries would move on just fine without him. He had to move on, in turn.

Where would he even begin, though? Could he ever begin? His synthetic heart slowed down, now thumping along hollowly in his chest as he looked up at Gar's Bodega. The circuits in his heart seized up a moment, causing the odd, squeezing sensation he'd grown so used to. The heroes inside never seemed to be unhappy like he was... Even the littlest one, the one who failed the most and was the weakest... Even he managed to smile and cheer from the sidelines for his friends whenever he was defeated in battle.

"Um, Enid? Did you hear one of Boxman's boxes fall?", KO asked, squinting his eyes at the dejected robot who stood in front of the store. He pressed his face closer against the glass, feeling a twinge of fear and worry bubble up in his chest. None of the recent attacks on Lakewood Plaza had involved Darrell for nearly a month now, so the small boy had been convinced that something big and dangerous was coming. Maybe another level 100 Darrell, or something even more powerful than that! Yet...

"Darrell's crying!", he whispered, eyes wide when he saw the shiny tracks on the robot's face. His question from earlier may have failed to grab anyone's attention, but that had the entire workforce crowding against the window.

"Dude... He totally is crying!", Rad exclaimed, an awed look on his face. Up until now, he hadn't realized that robots could do something like that. It just seemed too... Organic of an action, he supposed. Even Enid seemed surprised, her normal snark gone as she watched the robot turn away from the store. By the time she had something to say, KO had dashed outside to help.

"Darrell! Wait for a second, what's wrong?", he asked, reaching out to latch onto the robot. Yeah, the same robot had kicked his butt before, but... He was crying! How could he not help someone who was crying their eyes, er, eye out? However, the second his hand came into contact with the sun warmed metal of Darrel's arm, the robot in question froze. Enid and Rad had hurried outside the moment KO touched the robot, their most powerful attacks readied in case something was afoul.

Instead of seeing their little friend get hurt, they were shocked to the core when they saw Darrell pull KO into what had to have been the most desperate of hugs. No longer did tears stream down his face silently, his shaking shoulders the only indicator of his emotional state. No, now he was openly sobbing, his entire frame shuddering from the force of his cries. Enid flinched at the sound, her normally icy heart melting slightly at the sight before her. It was genuinely heartbreaking, to see a robot crying so much over a simple touch. It was almost like...

"He's attention starved...", Rad said, his voice surprisingly soft when he spoke. Enid jerked her head towards him, an eyebrow raised slightly in question. Sure she'd been thinking the same thing, but the fact that Rad actually knew what that was and how to recognize it was... Not what she'd expected, to say the least. "Uh, you know? Like... When you go a long time without really interacting with people, and then like...", he began explaining, trailing off to gesture at the two in front of them. KO was somehow calm throughout the situation, simply patting Darrell on the back as he hugged the distraught robot back.  

Enid made a mental note to grill Rad on how he knew what was happening later, too many questions floating through her worried mind at the implications that had. For now, though, she decided to focus on the issue at hand. She approached the two slowly, kneeling down until she was able to pull them both into a hug. Rad caught on quickly and followed along, completing a rather odd looking group hug as he wrapped his arms around all three of them. Darrell's circuits were overloading, his CPU barely able to process it all. He was being given attention, live saving, necessary attention, by his sworn enemies.

It didn't make sense. This all had to be some sort of dream, something his CPU created in a desperate attempt to cope with the reality that he wasn't needed by his father, by his own family. Yet the people, the heroes he'd wanted to destroy from day one... They were here when nobody else would be. They were gently leading him inside the bodega, sitting him down in the break room and bustling about to find compatible parts to fix him up with. It seemed that the alien one, Rad, had rather impressive knowledge of mechanics, and was muttering under his breath over how someone could leave him in disrepair.

The tears had stopped at some point, giving way to watery hiccups and a more than wobbly smile that barely managed to stay on his face. KO was still latched onto his side, refusing to let go of his new robot friend. Of course, Darrell had always harbored a slight affection for the little guy. Even though he'd always been secretly jealous of the love he got so easily, it was pretty hard to not like someone who was so determined to help others. He started when he felt probing fingers press along the back of his neck, no doubt in search of his power button, but he couldn't help the tension that settled into his shoulders.

"Relax as best as you can, dude. I need to put you in sleep mode for a bit so I can fix you up. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour or so, so like... It'll be alright, okay?", Rad explained, his finger hovering over the small, red OFF button. He was waiting... Was he asking permission? Darrell nodded slowly, feeling his CPU slowing down when he felt gentle pressure against his neck. "You're alright now dude, promise.", Rad said the last thing the robot heard before he was shut down.

It really felt like he'd only been off for a second or two before he was turned back on, his CPU now running faster than it had in weeks. His eye popped open, a sound of surprise passing his lips when he saw KO asleep in a chair next to him. He was laid out on a table, probably the one where the bodega ba- ... Probably one where Rad, KO, and Enid had snacks and stuff while on break. He sat up slowly, eye scanning the room to find that Rad and Enid were collapsed on the couch together, snoring softly as they napped. Mr. Gar was in the middle of putting a light blanket over them, and when he seemed happy enough turned around to leave. Of course, he caught Darrell staring at him and realized that oh no, he'd been seen being soft!

The two stared at each other in silence, a wordless agreement coming about. Darrell would let that Dad Moment slide by with no teasing or fuss, while Mr. Gar wouldn't question why his arch nemesis' robot was currently sitting on the snack table. They nodded once, then Mr. Gar hurried off to his office so he could convince himself that he was still a tough guy who certainly didn't think of his workers as the children he'd always wanted and never had. Darrell went back to thinking his situation over, his eye landing on KO once more.

The littlest hero had a frown on his face, and before he could overthink it, Darrell reached down to lightly pat the kid's head. The motion seemed to do the trick, as KO relaxed in his sleep and smiled, the sight making the robot's mechanical heart flutter just a little. Was... Was this what it felt like to be a real big brother, he wondered. He felt all warm inside; the new parts and updates that Rad had installed while he was asleep making everything feel just a little clearer. For the first time in a long time, he felt the Hope.exe file opening up.

Maybe, just maybe... Things would get better. Maybe not immediately, no, too much had been done to fix it all in a few days. Over time then, perhaps. Maybe after a few months or a few years... Surely though, with them by his side, (and he was sure they'd stay by his side, they'd bothered to use spare parts to fix him up, he didn't doubt that they'd let him just leave now) he'd be able to slowly repair himself. Not alone, of course, but with their help. With their attention, their affection... He wouldn't starve anymore, that was for sure. He ruffled KO's hair gently, moving so that he was curled up in a chair next to the littlest hero. Sure, he'd just been asleep but...

He could nap a little longer, he decided. Anything to help pass the time until they all woke up again. Darrell had a sneaking suspicion that this was only the start of something, something that could be great. If anything, he needed to stick around long enough to work off the price of the parts they'd given him. That much he knew for sure, his stubborn pride refusing to let them just give him a handout. And... If it meant he'd work around the bodega for a while, get to see them every day... Well, that was only an added bonus. Nothing more.