#yeah its rly hard actually
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Vettonso complaining about each other not respecting schrondinger's track limits on the radio compilation + Seb's commentary that made me a bit feral
Must include these sexy ass pics okay, it makes me feral how hard they race each other.
Also SO upset that we got this vid and there's also pictures(and presumably a vid out there somewhere) of Fernando, back then, ALSO debriefing this race. And yet we never got them together?????? Evil. Fucked up.
Imagine seeing them complaining about each other but also having to (begrudgingly if you're Fernando) compliment each other IN FRONT of each other. Maybe its a good thing it doesn't exist, bcs then I'd have a heart attack.
#this is just a supercut of the f1 vid in the source so you should watch that as well :)#thank you boo to inadvertently pointing me towards this moment cause man it makes me insane#like the added context of knowing seb was just being bratty cause he KNEW fernando was heated on the radio is SO funny#fernando's radios....actually so feral#'give back the position IMMEDIATELY'#fernando i dont have the position but i will do my best to give it to you anyways#grrrrrrr theres smth about getting to see seb discuss such a vettonso hard racing moment#he clearly respects him 🥹#but even years on you can tell hes SO pleased abt how much he was irritating fernando#this is the kinda clip that makes me wish f1 had proximity chat#them both on the radio like 'does that idiot EVEN know what hes doing'#also the annoying confidence of seb on the radio saying its fernando's fault if he gets a punctuee#and not even mentioning the fact that he could get a puncture 😭#but again. to hear him complimenting Fernando really kills me#just about his spacial awareness and how seb feels like he can always race him to the limit bcs he TRUSTS him#like that is the true f1 romance to me. racing someone hard and complaining on the radio but +#admitting that you never rly felt in danger bcs you TRUST the other driver!!!!!!!#i love sassy angry radios. they both sound so........yeah. im unwell#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2014 british gp#vettonso
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'Came a time, where every starfall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold'
Based on my own challenge to redraw your self ship as the MCR album cover uwu
Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunflawyer @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships @hotrodharts @1980ssunflower
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self shipping community#self insert x canon#fictional other#metalocalypse#mtl oc#charles offdensen#charles foster offdensen#🍞 my bread and butter 🍞#NAWWWW CAUSE IM ACTUALLY SO PROUD OF HOW THIS CAME OUT 😭😭😭#its such a simple cover but it does SO MUCH#like the simple black and white palette with that splash of red!! IT FUCKS IMMENSELY#and i did the band logo by hand but just used text for the album title ajfjf#i think it all really came together > w <#also the revengencers title is rly just for reference#and idk i think if u squint hard enough the lyrics fit my ship a little.......#especially now that I FUCKING FINISHED THE SERIES WOOOOO#now just for the movie 😂😂#but yeah uhh was thinking about that time charles spent letting everyone think he was dead 0_0#and the fact that they were probably JUST starting to rekindle their relationship at the time#and how fucking maddddddd she'd be when he came back lmao#anyways i still need him
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#red vs blue#rvb#locus#felix#sam ortez#isaac gates#felix mcscouty#lolix#mine#*24#art#rvb19 spoilers#just to be safe ig?#i love how even no one in the mercs discord rly knows what the hell was up with the random felix 'cameo' in restoration lol. we're all just#'idk man. maybe it's charon maybe sigma just used him as a base. who knows.'#its kinda hard to even make it into a merc plot point bc the reason WHY he's even there is non-existent. if epsilon didn't namedrop him#i wouldn't even have noticed tbh. like yeah his armor has felix's colors but that also could've just been sigma/omega mix too y'know#ofc tucker's relationship w/ felix can't be discounted reg. meta and epsilon and betrayal of trust etc. idk maybe i'll expand on this later#like maybe felix is in there bc tucker felt very betrayed by epsilon and felix to tucker is the embodiment of betrayal so meta = felix?#BUT i do like ghost felix haunting shit. even if it's not actually him but like a narrative/traumatic thing#he said you'll never get rid of me what i did to you will always linger <3#i do have some thoughts abt... Everything and the concept of haunting. wash's 'ghosts' and the guilt. meta wanting to destroy epsilon/the#past to be free. resentment of the past. nostalgia for it. the guilt of survival. moving on as a complete severing vs carrying it w/ you.#ok i'll stop rambling now lol#this didnt turn out exactly how i envisioned but i dont wanna work on it anymore and its not bad or anything so
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For sy attendant au - what are SQQ attitude and feelings towards SY, if you don't mind me asking?
Because what I read so far hadn't painted him in good light. Like sure - he wants to survive and SY is an key asset in that, but the way he goes around it is... questionable.
so i answered this ask about it but i just realized that i dont think i tagged it with anything so. MY BAD thats my bad
the long and short of it is that sqq is definitely not a good person in this au lol. granted theres less of the overt child abuse because sy is able to stop some of that but sy still is very much a servant to him. one of the better things about this au is that sqq really just sees sy as a means to an end.. there is some attachment to him but sqq really does not really see sy as someone with his own agenda outside of like. living comfortably. its kind of good in a way that like sqq will grant sy a general amount of mobility around the sect because of sy's vague position and he doesnt reeaally care what shen yuan is doing if its not actively doing work for the peak or sqq.
sqq really sees sy as more of like. a political pawn? in a way. like he keeps sy close for appearances around the sect and he does in some way feel like hes doing charity work because by extension of working for him sy is granted a fair amount of power and status. but he doesnt care what shen yuan does in his free time or for fun. sqq is not the worst person of all in this au but he is definitely someone who isnt afraid of using others to help himself. that and like. its definitely a pat on the back for him of being able to say "well you were sent here to take my place and instead of killing you as was my right i HELPED you and i even gave you your own place on this peak and look at you now. youre mingling with some of the best and the brightest that the cultivation world has to offer" like nevermind that he isnt interested in helping sy with his own cultivation lawl
ok that wasnt short at all sorry but sqq is using sy but he also feels like hes helping him a bit. its a pretty unequal give and take so they definitely have an unhealthy relationship. that being said i think sy goes out of his way to misunderstand sqq a lot because he allows his hate of sqq to shape how he sees his actions.. so he doesnt put a lot of effort into actually examining how sqq differs from the book. also now that ive had a lot of time to think on this au i dont really think that sy's end goal in all of this would be to LEAVE as much as it would be he would want an actual firm position and leverage over sqq so he didnt feel so unstable. that and he does feel indebted to sqq. he could probably handle being around the guy if sqq didnt have so much say over his life
#sy attendant au#and when i say being around the guy i mean that shen yuan would snark at him a lot and yell and theyd both get on each others nerves#but shen yuan wouldnt feel compelled to like. actually damage his cultivation or poison his tea#and sqq finds it hard to relate to sy because he literally appeared by a higher being dropping him from another world#and sy is so fundamentally different in his modern beliefs that sqq feels both that hes hardening him up and protecting him by making#him his assistant. to him its kind of like helping a venomous insect and then keeping it in a terrarium to study LOL#and yeah its rly questionable i think its funny if they had a really unhealthy relationship. gay people LOSE!#ok sorry i always say so much but its because i have so much to say.. thanks for asking! i love talking about my aus#svsss#asks
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#plagiarism#james somerton#hbomberguy#just wanted to give it its own post#it was kinda lost under the absolute unit#(of good commentary and a much needed summary of the More Absolute Unit that is the video in question)#of lrb#i was conflicted abt this dude for a while like. i wasn't A Fan Subbed To His Patreon right#but the way he 'said' some really insightful shit and also dropped some really nonsensical rancid comments randomly in the middle of it.#yeah#guess it's because he Wasn't Fucking Saying Anything But The Rancidity Himself HUH?#nomás que eso fuera 😹😹#& like i'm laughing rly hard at the audacity but also it's really fucking sad & infuriating to have had the actual authors of the commentar#that i enjoyed obfuscated like that. and obv not just bc of the individual enjoyment or insight i might've gotten from them but#they were fully robbed of an audience#or just fucking. recognition of their memory in the case of the people whose words were stolen who died from fucking aids#like????#yeah i hope this fully ended this man's whole career for good#but more importantly that the authors of the works he ripped off get the attention they deserve#it's the fucking soulless business major of it all innit#/j#viitalks#gayplagiarismgate
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is this outfit historically accurate? probably the fuck not. is it practical in any way shape or form? also probably not! but does it serve cunt? YES 😩🙏💅 and that's all that matters!
#oc liveblogging#i feel so bad hakjshkgjhsk if any fashion designer/person who actually knows anything about fashion really saw my designs#they'd beat the absolute shit out of me. LIKE IM SOSRHSHF IM PROBABLY MIXING THINGS THAT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE BUT AHGH IM TRYING#i do reference a lot of shit and i am trying to get better at drawing cloth and such. my friends rly being into cosplay has made me start#thinking abt materials bc a lot of designs dont specify that yeah? and it is cool to think about like is that cotton or polyester or vinyl?#fuckk tho I THINK I BLAME VOCALOID & MONSTER HIGH FOR MY TASTE IN ALT FASHION FOR CHARA DESIGNS. MH ESPECIALLY TBH#being really into doll lines when i was younger in general means a lot of focus on the clothes bc yeah duh thats a main doll selling point?#btuahktjskgslg. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.#now the problem of all time. my ass who loves to add little details but how many can i add w/o the design getting messy#and not being a pain in the ass to draw every time bc theres sm to do. i love coloring but also at what fucking cost man...#like i loveee lace but ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO DRAW. RUFFLES AND SHIT FGRAHHRHHH fuck u frilly fashions so cute but so hard to draw grrr#also on the historically accurate note grhhHGHAHH im so sorry but WHY IS MENS FASHION SO BORINGGG 😭😭😭#like maybe i need to look more but uGHHH generic suit generic brown suit plsease i need some variety. i know social expectations stuff yes#but ghshkgjsjh PLEASE. im trying im doing more research...
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hello! i am back with yet another…thing. thank u for the tag @lovelymasks <3 (i realised, upon second reading, that this was supposed to be a sunday snippet but i’m an idiot n therefore this is now a saturday snippet mwuah)
I think you should go to a Healer, Sirius.
Why, he’d asked, flippant. What was there to do with a Healer when you were a convict on the run? Besides, Sirius was wrong in a way that couldn’t be made right. He was past the point of return. Healers would’ve barely known what to do with him before Azkaban, let alone in the condition he was in now.
Because you look like a stiff wind will blow you over, Harry’d answered, though the answering flippancy didn’t quite land the way he intended because what Sirius heard was ‘Because I don't want to lose anyone else.’
What Harry didn't say, and Sirius didn’t want to hear, was ‘Because I can’t lose another parent.’
He quietly acquiesced after that. The trembling, hopeful smile growing on his godson’s face was enough to wipe away all apprehensions after that.
Until now, when Harry was at Hogwarts, and he was second guessing this whole business.
Did he really need a Healer, like, really?
One look at the mirror in front of him gave him a solid, sturdy answer.
He was dressed in his old rags and it was a testament to the conditions of Azkaban that clothes from when he was younger, before hitting his final growth spurts, were barely just fitting him now. Sirius’ back was almost constantly bent these days--all days spent curled up in a ball seemed to have reshaped his skeletal structure, who knew--each vertebrae gaining a distinct notch in the column of his skin. His stomach was a fascinating blend of too small and too bloated. He couldn’t keep anything down, but he wasn’t able to eat much either. A mystery for the ages.
Less said about his face, the better. Sirius wasn’t vain, never had any reason to be, but there was a certain…pride he’d maintained, a level of outward appearance that was considered bare minimum for a Black, a conditioning he’d never managed to shake off.
It was that conditioning itching at him now, turning him away from any reflective surface before he could see his distorted features, grotesque and inhuman, staring back at him.
And ultimately, it was that, he realised with a shameful sort of guilt, that pushed him to see a Healer. Not his godson’s pleading look, not concern for his wellbeing--but leftovers from an upbringing that he hated, his mother’s words he couldn’t stop hearing, his father’s sharp commands.
Ultimately, it was his blood that made him give in, as it always did.
further tagging @jmagnabo92 @soopsiedaisies @groundzero-v 💜
#sirius black#harry potter#mwuahahahahaha#i am feeling. on top of the world#bc ive written like. 3k for FoD in the past couple days#and writing has been so hard recently!!!#but i had a therapy sesh the other day that actually literally rewired my neural pathways#so i guess here i am. turned a new leaf or wtv#anyway! this is from FoD ofc. from way down so it probably wont be posted for a bit#but i rly like it#and im trying to keep from posting the entirety of the nasty molly-sirius fight i just wrapped up#(ive already bothered the pf server w way too many snippets hehehe)#so this is what we're left wih#im so excited for the next chapter (even tho i sort of have to figure out what'll be in it--the fight or the trial or sumn else)#but just. yeah. its very fun.#pen’s writing#fic: foundations of decay
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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Alright gamers!!!! New dupe icons have been obtained, so now I shall!!! Share them!!!!
Very important note! These guys seem to be part of the next dlc, and as such they are likely incredibly prone to change or even to being scrapped entirely. This is just a showcase of some of the stuff I was able to find while datamining, and it should not be taken as stuff that will guaranteed be in game in the future.
Anyways! Enjoy your datamined dupes under the cut >:3
Starting with this fella, Chip!
Description: This Chip is extremely good at guessing their friends' passwords.
This one is Edwiredo
Description: This Edwiredo once rolled his eye so hard he powered himself off and on again.
This is Gizmo
Description: Gizmos love nothing more than a big juicy info dump.
This one is Steela! They're my personal favorite
Description: Steelas aren't programmed to put up with nonsense, but they do enjoy the occasional shenanigan.
I got these from the sprite sheets, so forgive the other sprite intruding on lovely Sonyar's icon
Description: Sonyars would sooner burn down the colony than read an instruction manual.
And lastly, Ulti!
Description: The only dance move this Ulti knows is The Robot.
Here's some bonus stuff I found in the files! Just got you! (Again note that this stuff is very prone to being changed or scrapped)
The new duplicants seem to be a new type of duplicant called bionic duplicants. They are a mix of organic and inorganic components, so my cyborg dupe theory does indeed seem to be correct! It seems like they have power banks and oxygen tanks that will need managed, and they seem to require oil to operate as well. As time goes on, a new material called gunk will build up in their systems, and they will need to visit something called the gunk extractor to be cleaned up. Their oxygen tanks also allow them to work in low oxygen environments, and it can be assumed that they won't need sleep, and potentially not even need food. They also seem to be able to install booster packs that increase their skills, and can come with preinstalled booster packs with some on print traits, including one that allows them to locate undiscovered geysers (which doesn't sound super useful tbh but it's still neat)
#rat rambles#oxygen not included#again I shall reiterate that this is unreleased stuff! prone to change! prone to being scrapped! dont forget that!#but! I am more interested in these guys than I thought Id be due to some of the lore that seems to be going on with them that I shall not#share yet since again its super duper prone to change and I don't want to accidentally spread misinformation by doing so#oh also there appears to be a new type of oil called phyto oil which is extracted from slime#this can also be used to oil up a bionic dupe and prrsumably for other stuff as well but I havent dug into the new buildings yet#so yeah all in all I found WAY more shit than I was expecting to find in the qol beta lol#if I were a more skilled dataminer Id see if I could piece together the actual fullbody sprites for the new dupes but Im not so I wont#Im not even sure if those components are there tbh? I didn't check woops#Ill check later it doesnt rly matter to me much rn#but yeah I assume there'll probably be lots of additional stuff in the full dlc this is just the stuff I stumbled across#Im not very good at the whole datamining thing too so Im sure I missed a Lot of new shit#but with all this stuff sitting in the files I assume we're probably going to hear some word abt the new dlc within the next few months#so look forward to that ig#excited to see what this dlc entails and I hope we get more of the jackie family drama I am digging it so hard#also calvin. calvin my boy please come home
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little man is so cute hes been coming to me for help sounding out words and i taught him a 'trick' so he doesnt forget them on his way back. the trick is just 'repeat the letters while youre walking back so you dont forget' but hes treating me like im the smartest person on the planet for coming up with this
#and it also means i can hear him chanting P O T I O N the entire way back to his room#its sweet im glad he comes 2 me for spelling help... hes honestly rly good its just some tricky ones that get him where its like. the ones#you just have to memorize how theyre spelled bc sounding out doesnt help#like heavy or potion. bc heavy just has an eh sound so he didnt know abt the a and potion has a sh sound so the t was unexpected#but hes rly good at sounding it out and like. it just makes me a bit sad bc my dad gets so snappy when weeman asks for help w spelling#like. he does the sound it out but my dad just has this like. Tone. and he cant just be like. calm#hell be like No thats not right and its like ok this isnt helping#its so easy to just be like Oh i see why you thought that but its actually a bit of a trick one...#like. its not that hard to just sympathize with it and little man responds so well to it like. just saying like Oh yeah i mess up on that#one too. makes him way more likely to keep asking for help and it doesnt make him feel like hes being insulted or anything. IDK#my dads better w that aspect w weeman than he was with tag but im still like. Can we please just treat the kids like ppl worthy of respect#Please itis not that fucking hard .
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Update, probably won't be able to post much at all for this upcoming gp, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO THE GP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#basically before i even went on this study abroad i rly wanted to go to the austrian gp#because when in austria amirite!#but honestly it was the reason i actually went through w the trip#but then i had to end up writing it off bcs the logisitics were too hard to figure out#BUT THEN#literally the first day of the trip i hear this other guy talking about f1#so im like oh you like f1????????#and hes like yeah and im gonna try and go to the austrian gp!#so now we are both going to the austrian gp 🥹🥹🥹#i think hes probably happy to have someone to go w as well#and its nice bcs hes much older than me and much more responsible so he figured out everything 🥺#this weekend is gonna be just pure f1 weekend for me#bcs im also going to salzburg and seeing hanger 7#but god im so fucking happy#i cant believe it actually worked out#the coincidence of someone else being this into f1 as well and wanting to go to the gp#and also being happy to take me along and figure out all the details#THANK YOU TO MY NEW FRIEND I CANT WAIT 🥹🥹🥹#catie is: not mentally prepared#catie is: going to an f1 gp!!!#catie: still wants to gif the podium so maybe will try and do so on the train#but wow god still i never thought id make it to a gp so soon!#my brother is soooooo jealous 🤭#im gonna wear my rbr jacket!!!!!!!! im gonna break my bank acct!!!!!!!!!#*wait also its funny bcs my friend has been into f1 a lot longer than me right#but hes like my god you are the most committed fan I've ever met#like abt how my excitement somehow blew his out of the water hahaha#catie.rambling.txt
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what if i made a CD ocean au for adri...
i keep considering it and then not doing it bc i i feel like itll either go really well or really bad.
I am also really indecesive with what to do for it because... its hard to decide on just one possibility (and I dont think i can handle having many sjhjkd)
I used to have a whaler au for him where the funny gimmick was that he was a regular shitty guy, and I do enjoy that but that feels like itll get boring really fast outside of a few funnies (and I REALLY dont want people to be weird about him if hes 'weak')
I also did make a pirate au for him wayyy back in the day that i never properly shared where hes a ghost haunting a ship and i did like that concept but it never rly went anywhere its just something rly swag i came up with and it also would not fit in CD (would be more of a potc type vibe)
and lastly... I could make him just a shapeshifter in CD as well. but I dont know which way to go about it because yeah hes a snake but idk which way to go about the design or vibe either. I def wont make him into an eel I have two of those already x) but like yeah I cant decide if i should go with a completely new kind of vibe or if i should try and keep him close to what he is bc theres so many ways i could approach both ideas houghhh
#thunderclap#aggghh decisions decisions#not being able to properly do AUs for a few years has got my creativity in that sense rly stagnant#i really want adri to be in CD at the moment simply so I can draw more of him dkjfhjd but yeah its hard to handle for some reason#i wonder if i could make the HR gang a hunting crew or something actually... HR ocean au#i need to get HR brainrot again so bad but idk how to do it besties. the ocean keeps pulling me back#also im supposed to be working on an essay thing but ive been at it for like 8 hours straight today im so tired fr but i want to finish it.#miserable kinda day but i had a lot of fun yesterday so it balances out
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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fuck it genders getting too confusing I quit
#cisposting#whatever#realized i most likely arent trans cuz i dont actually mind my gender or self i just hate how others perceive me#like yeah idfc what i am but i care what others will see in me#bc its not real. i genuinely dont care whats in my pants cuz it means nothing to me. its just a neutral part of my body#what i DO care abt is what other ppl think based on thay#eurgh.#and despite knowing this im still trying real hard to pass. i mean not rly but.#idk what im trying to prove to myself.#i quit gender. it means nothing. who cares
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omg i was literally just abt to type out a whole post lamenting the way my childes been unable to run polar star since 4.0 when i got so elated seeing him again that i just impulse pulled aqua in a complete frenzy (22 pity btw we just have sth different im sorry) all bc his aqua build overall has 10% more ER than polar.
and like 10% thats so little you say whats the deal with that. well. so childe wants like 110-120% in self respecting international anyway. but the difference a 10% makes in more particle dry content (which a lot of recent ass abysses have insisted upon being) Really makes that itsy bitsy massive difference in comfiness that u just Cant go back on once ur used to it. so ive just been stuck on aqua its kinda sad bc as good as that bow is. polar is still His signature and also the first 5* sig i ever pulled its Special. also got it twice in one ten pull in 2.2 btw uwu as i said. weve always had something special. but yeah its a dilemma
like. this is even with myself being an enlightened 2p 2p random bullshit go truther and not some 4p HoD/nymph coper (imagine not going by substats and mixed sets everyone point and laugh). my builds for polar just Dont allow for that extra ER very well without losing other stats. and all that. so yeah its mega embarrassing like somehow my fucking neuvillette ranks higher on akasha than him im a fake fan the shame is truly immeasurable.
except then i remembered. a glad circlet i rolled last week. and. well
truly. (singular tear rolls down my cheek) Justice shines upon us today.
WE R IN TOP 1% FINALLY 😭😭😭😭😭 THANK FUCK
the world is as it ought to be 😤😤😤
#yes yes akasha is just a substats dick measuring context i know i know i know it doesnt take the whole picture into account#and yes yes youd rather have 2p 2p include at least one dmg% bonus yes. this might be less optimal than akasha rankings make it seem#BUT. 39 FUCKING ROLLS. TOP 1% . COMFY ER INCLUDED LET ME HAVE THISSSSS#ITS EASILY MY BEST BUILD NOWW#anyway the reason i get so fucked over even w 2p 2p is bc i have ass luck with sands on Any 2p he actually likes.#i mean yea wanderers 2p aight but not w my EM substat rolls 💀💀 also bennett on instructor#but like . bc my sands are so ass i get carried so fucking hard by onset goblets of which up until navias release i only rly had a shime on#the second i rolled that feather and goblet on whispers i was like. on god the Instant i can run those on him. please.#anyway can you believe i thought id get to run those glad pieces on like arle or clorinde. lmaoooooooo His pieces now#even my ayakas 3% akasha rank is like. yeah girl youre borrowing my mans offset sands#anyway. truly a joyful day over here. also fwiw yes i slander nymphs but thats only the 4p. the second it hits strongbox? yeah lets goo#i love himmmmmm international sweep 3 yrs+ and still going#genshin#gaming tag#childeposting
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saw a post yesterday that was like "if you dont have trans women as friends u gotta think about why that is" and i really had to restrain myself from saying "it goes both ways my friend!". if you dont have any trans men as friends, ya gotta think about why that is also!
#personally? i dont choose my friends based on which minority category they belong to.#also im not out here going to 'trans group meetings' or whatever tf either. whoevers my friend is ppl who actually come into my life#who i actually get the chance to see and meet. consider: i havent actually met that many trans women irl at all.#i havent even met that many trans ppl irl at all in general- most of the trans ppl i DO happen across are NB#and i dont like making close friends online esp tumblr bc i dont trust none a yall#there are like two trans women i know that i met through someone else and 1 of them i literally just met and the other.......... based on#my interactions with her- i dont think we'd make great close friends.#acquaintances? sure. im mean thats kinda unavoidable at this point anyways.#the biggest issue is i havent met any trans women i think i'd actually click with- but thats a little unfair bc its hard to find friends#to begin with anyways let alone a trans woman specifically- if you think i gotta be out here hunting for trans women to be friends with to#fulfill your woke quota you got a weird fuckin world view on how friendships and the world in general works.#i dont make friends based on their transness or whatever tf thats fuckin weird.#theres a lot of trans women i follow online that i think i'd make great friends with- but the fact there aren't that many trans women#in general and the only ones i think i'd actually click with are ppl ill likely never meet irl? yeah i dont rly think its my#fault bud its kinda just the circumstance of life in general- there's just not a lot of trans people out there.#and no im not going to trans meetings bc that shit is usually toxic as hell anyways bye#new dating type of app but for looking for trans friends to make tumblr user buttfaceass happy about my choices#maybe if i lived in cali w my gay uncle i'd meet more but alas i live in missoura' and i dont blame trans women for wanting to hide#more here. shit i mean i do.#in total? irl? ive only met like 4 trans women. one of which im p sure is actually transfem and doesnt even live in my state#she and another one were part of a toxic abusive ass friend group and i really dont think im missing out on much.#so yeah what- you want me to try to befriend them again? bc im p sure my abuser filled their brains w bullshit about me so.#kinda not waiting on them to come around ever.#like im not exactly sure what that post wants me to do besides idk. act like the op of it?#go to toxic ass irl trans group meetings and befriend random ppl online who have no concept of friendship loyalty? yeah ill pass bud#actually actuall wait scratch that- i did know another trans woman--- she mightve been transfem too- but we met on discord#and primarily interacted there bc it was like a friendgroup discord and i think we were good enough friends we just never got super close#mostly bc im weary of queer friend groups that are predominately white and also i felt like that friendgroup only kept me around#to make fun of me. i dont think she was like that but.... the other ppl in it...... yeaaahhh...#so naturally we kinda stopped talking all together when i left the discord and stopped interacting w that friend group
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